#and i feel bad eating out all the time

[the-travelling-witch]

CHECK IN DAY!!

How are you? Have you eaten today? Have you drunk any water?

What have you been up to? Any new interests or plans?

Signed with love, Cal!

hello, i’ve not been doing too hot today (i reblogged my period comfort post… you can guess who did not sleep because of cramps this night)

i ate breakfast and lunch but didn’t see a point in having dinner, soooo i might be a teeny bit hungry (but i’m about to go to sleep, so it’s not much of an issue) and yes i drank water~

i’ve neither made progress with the event nor pulled jingliu BUT I FINALLY ORDERED SOME HAIKYUU VOLUMES AAAHHHH I’M SO EXCITED to unpack them when i visit my parents again

also i ordered sth which was supposed to arrive in november but in the confirmation mail it said they’d resume shipping on june 24th??? so i’m trying to get ahold of the seller and clear this situation ㅠㅠ

on another note, i saw art of someone’s spiderman oc and i’m…. looking respectfully

so yeah, ups and downs, as life tends to go *shrug*

how are you though?? <3

#┊✩彡 divine correspondence ♡ #┊✩彡 cherished guests ♡ #┊✩彡 letter from — cal ♡ #┊✩彡 letter from — yourloc-lgh0st ♡ #which one should i use #tumblr is not going to remember either #but yeah #i still don’t trust the kitchen #and i feel bad eating out all the time #at least i can eat for cheap at my work place #ALSO I NEED THAT PARCEL TO ARTIVE NEXT MONTH OR I’LL PASS AWAY #NO WAY I COULD WAIT UNTIL NEXT YEAR??? #so i think it’s just outdated #but with every day i don’t get clarification i die a little on the inside #also also #i seriously need to redo the event #nobody gets it *sobs*

[stiffyck]

What if people started saying "I need to exercise more" or "I need to eat a bit healthier" instead of "I need to lose weight"

You can be healthy and fat

#and also #you dont need to be healthy all the time #some people will never be healthy #stop trying to be overly healthy if its at the cost of your happiness and mental health #you can eat junk food every once in a while and you dont need to feel bad about it #you can eat sweets #you can lie in bed all day if you need to just chill out and get some proper rest #you dont need to constantly be healthy and at the top of your game #stiff talk #delete later #maybe idk #this will probably stay up who knows #man it just hurts me when someone whos healthy and who looks good says “i need to lose weight” #like yea okay if thats what you wanna do go for it #but i think youre fine as you are #idk man im just rambling

[shower-phantom-ideas]

Yall know how danny ends up with an Ice Core instead of lightning and we are all mostly salty about it? Im here with a theory to give us some imaginary closure.

Ghosts can’t have cores based on how they died. Ember fire? She actually died of food poisoning.

Skulker (even though I think hes just a blob and never was a like person) is a hunter? (Not really a core but stfu) Activist for the nature and just fell into a cave and died of dehydration/starvation.

Walker the warden (not really a core power more like obsession again)? Got hit by someone running a redlight while he was jaywalking.

Johnny really unlucky? Killed by a his college professor.

Why these some what random things? It’s what could have saved them from their deaths without being overly pointed to them (aka causing trauma)

If Ember had cooked that food longer she probably would have not even gotten sick.

If Skulker knew anything about the wilderness he probably would have figured out that even though the water in the cave is moving it’s still not safe to drink smh.

If walker or that driver had followed the laws then he wouldn’t have died

If johnny was just a bit more unlucky to have missed the shuttle bus or to not be the random student that teacher picked he would have survived.

Im like 10% sure ice could have some how saved danny too but idk man. My brain says that ice conductive and would have some how saved that dingus. Maybe if Danny was a little bit cooler he wouldnt have tripped and hit the on switch lmak

#danny phantom #ember mclain #skulker #walker #johnny 14 #stupid hc #im boiling my brain in a shower atm #trip is sad cause I feel so bad for canceling an evening I planned with my dad cause he was so hyped for it #but he keeps hijacking all of our time and it kinda sucks #it’s just three days and I only came to eat at one place dad #sorry not sorry I am not here to visit you #why sont u visit me since u make 6figures hmmmmm 🤔 #hes so desperate too cause out of my siblings im the only one to talk to him #and I told him to die once so like it’s sad for him #I don’t feel bad for that though #he did me pretty wrong when he kicked me out #anyway #ignore my tags

[simgerale]

me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

#hi everyone #I’m going around hugging you all #okay now that we are gathered here today #i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best #i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time #and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol #but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine #literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything #I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake…. #I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour #then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it #and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again #I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do #so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour. #I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday #y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts #I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story #I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my #own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing? #y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents #.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire #but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself #I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump #I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions #I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well #I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day. #but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it #I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing #I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!! #I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time

[feline-evil]

Dethvanity is really funny to me conceptually as an episode because you can see how little they had to make the characters insecure about for the bit. They swing for obvious lowblow choices with Pickle' baldness and Nathan's weight and even those require some suspension of disbelief because ok. Sure. Nathan '(said extremely proudly) never skipped a meal in my life!' Explosion is insecure about being a big man now. Nathan *guy who everyone thinks is smoking hot 99% of the time* Explosion is a tiny bit larger than usual and is insecure about it now. Lol. Lmao even.

But anyway then we hit Skwisgaar and Toki and there's like NOTHING to swing for, you can see them going uhhh ok Skwis doesn't sleep he probably drinks a lot of coffee, and Toki? Shit, what does Toki have to be insecure about with his looks. He's perfect, he's adorable, he's ripped. Um. FUCK IT, HE'S DOING NOTHING BUT EATING LEMONS. WE GOT NOTHING, WE GOT NOTHING, JUST GIVE THE BOY CITRUS FRUITS.

WOE 🍋 BE UPON YE

I'm sure i could make some smarter points about the attempts at applying vanity in this ep and how outside of this and a few other moments i do actually like that the show rarely takes pot shots at things like Nathan's weight, but you see Nathan has shirtless scenes in this one and so my intelligence is impeded when all the blood rushes out of my head and into my-

#metalocalypse #jay talkin #I LOVE TOKI'S LEMON EATING CHALLENGE HES ON IN THIS EP. BABY YR STRANGE AND PECULIAR #pickles being insecure abt balding is funny too. my man has chosen a hairstyle that is actively making that worse for himself #buddy if u didnt have whiteguy dreads impromise yr hair wld be healthier. but we love u for yr octopus swag anyway <3 #also hi nathan dont listen to the tv listen to me you look great. hi hello. im unsheathing my sword to cut down anyone who makes u feel bad #EVERYBODY IN UNIVERSE IS A COWARD. ITS BIG BOY SEASON. COME GET U ONE #dethvanity isnt in my list of favs i think most its humour is rlly easy lowballs but i find it funny for reasons outside of that #which is namely the show trying to make charavters insecure abt things when they absolutely are not any other time lmao #trying to find things to make skwis and toki insecure abt but theres NOTHING. ITS RLLY FUNNY #listen. putting my hand on everyones shoulder. lets not ignore the elephant in the room this show is uh #OFTEN VERY FATPHOBIC. so its no bastion of rep just cuz it doesnt take all the pot shots it cld at nathans body #it still does take some and theres plently of fatphobia outside of nathans character #but i do like that nathan is a bigger guy and outside of a few eps thats just treated as smth fine! its not remarked on outside of those! #and i think his body is drawn really well and i like that hes permitted to be sexy and to be like. seen with his body out just as much #as like anyone else in the band. like yeah duh nathan explosion is sexy in universe ppl are rocking with this. AS THEY SHOULD BE #idk like i say. not denying the show its fatphobia just saying i like how nathan is treated and portrayed a lot of the time :]

[tearlessrain]

I think of all the approximate categories of animal, fish are unbeatable in terms of how much it would suck ass to be one. you’re basically the most edible creature on god’s earth and literally everything else wants in on that. like yeah everything eats everything but at least if you’re a bird that lives in the sky you mainly just have to worry about being eaten by other things that are in the sky, but fish? other fish are only the beginning of your problems. not only does everything in the ocean that’s bigger than you want to eat you, so do most things on land given half a chance. there are things in the sky that evolved specifically to come all the way down just to eat you. and you don’t even have arms to punch any of them with you just kinda have to sit there going :o as you’re carried away into the beyond. you have no limbs at all, in fact, so if you ever leave the water you can’t even get back to it like, if something that’s not supposed to be in the water gets in the water it can at least try to swim to shore and get out, but fish are just like “guess I’ll die.” pour one out for fish. they did not ask for this.

#I live on this little inlet that at low tide pretty much becomes a mud flat with a small stream going through the middle #and every day at low tide at this time of year a bunch of salmon get stranded in that stream #and I have to watch them desperately try and thrash their way to deeper water while halfway out of the stream as the sun beats down on them #and seagulls crowd around waiting for them to get tired enough to eat them without too much resistance #and every day I root for them even though unlike them I can see how far the inlet goes and I know they'll never make it #it's existentially horrifying but I too tried to get out there to eat one before I realized I couldn't traverse the mud #and also had no place/means to effectively clean a huge fish #to be clear I wasn't gonna just wade out there and bite into one like smeagol I was gonna bring it back and cook it #I mean I love me some raw salmon but parasites and all that #but as bad as I feel for the slow and agonizing deaths happening every day out there #I am also pained by the fact that the most delicious animal on earth throws itself on my doorstep to die every day #and I can't quite get to it #I feel no guilt over this because I would frankly give any salmon I caught a much more merciful death than the seagulls and sun do

[lottieurl]

i'm well aware there are single parents out there working full time but i think working full time and living alone with my dog is about to put me in a psychward

#why cant i handle what other people seem to handle effortlessly lmao #im so fucking exhausted and burnt-out i need demonic possession to save me or smth #like please @ random demon you will do a better job for sure #idk its like. my dog is now spending so much time alone when im at home that i feel really guilty #if i wanna go out or do anything that doesnt involve her #i have no damn time and energy #i might spend half a free day cleaning but its all a mess anyway #and then i will come back home like today just exhausted after 5 days of work in a row #and i just wanna take her for a walk and get myself smth to eat and chill a little #and i find! is poop all over the damn floor i finally managed to wash like a day ago #and it stinks so fucking bad i nearly throw up cleaning up #and then have a breakdown in the bathroom. as you do. #HOW DO PEOPLE LIVE LIKE THIS I AM SO FUCKING EXHAUSTED #its also not fair to my dog idk this sucks so much #i doubt anyone read all this bht if you did hi and sorry #needed to vent unfortunately #wah im TIRED

[crabussy]

everyone in my school loves to scream as louyd as they can on purpose to hurt me just because they can

#I'm lying if it isn't clear #but god fuck does it feel like this sometimes #my heart is beating so fast and I feel so sick some girl decided to just start screaming as loud as possible for some reason #it was. excited screams but it was so loud it was so so loud and I immediately flinched and grabbed my head and started breathing hard #its so Painful its like someone is scratching me or scaring me withreally frightening stuff #I fucking hate being autistic sometimes man #OKAY TO REBLOG BY THE WAY. if you have felt like this #listen to my gibberish boy #they all turned to look at me too I saw out of the corner of my eye #its so upsetting here they changed the rules so that the only quiet classroom is now the designated eating spot #for 25+ people #its a small classroom #its really really bad and the school isn't fixing it or doing anything about it and every day is hell because #lunch and break are the only times I can recover from class #and now I Don't Have That #I am on the edge of breaking the fuck down I hate this #my brain is WEVIL #<- meant to say evil but wevil is funnier. my brain is WEEVIL you guys. bug

[mariemariemaria]

Does anybody else feel like mental health awareness has done very little to help them in material reality

#i was gonna say done nothing to help but that seemed too harsh #like there definitely is more knowledge about it now. maybe more people feel comfortable speaking about it which is good #but personally i don't feel that. like idk. workplaces will post about mental health awareness and then do nothing to help employees #the same w universities. my uni cut back the already meager mental health support #and then the government is doing absolutely fuck all as well #like idk im just back in a place i thought id gotten out of long ago and i still don't feel comfortable talking about it with people #maybe that's a me problem or maybe it's cultural or something idk. but in the 10 years ive been depressed (🫠) i don't think it's gotten a #whole lot better. teenagers are still dealing with the same shit i did and they're still not being taken seriously #women's mental health is not even spoken about.....anxiety depression sh eds etc are still ignored or seen as hysterical behaviour in women #or just normal esp with disordered eating. society hasn't changed people still want women to be stick thin and weak #like i know 10 years is a short time and there has been massive improvements in mh awareness if we look back over the past 50+ years #but idk i just think that it hasn't gotten better for a lot of people #i think specifically of belfast and like god. the amount of trauma there is the amount of homelessness the amount of substance abuse #drug abuse in particular that has gotten visibly worse over the past decade or so* #and i connect the dots n see the 2008 recession + a tory gov defunding the nhs + dehumanisation of homeless people & addicts + the troubles #+ ptsd + generational trauma + a negative peace + classism + paramilitary drug dealers + parties linked to those paramilitaries #and its like hmmmm i think we live in a society. and a mental health approach based on individual actions like journaling and meditation #isn't the way to go. or at least is not the be all and end all which is what a lot of mental health awareness raising seems to promote #*visibly worse on the streets. it was always a problem ofc but even a decade ago my parents never imagined it would be as bad as it is now #and it's become so normalised. i do think there's less individualism here than there seems to be elsewhere which can be good and can be bad #but i think we are becoming more and more individualistic. slowly. there's still a sense of community here but i do think it's changing #and callousness towards homeless people is one of the most obvious examples of this. #love when i put a wee asterisk in the tags of a post. like i have A Lot To Say lol

[famewolf]

feeling a little burnt out tbh so I think I'm going to just try and relax as much as humanly possible to avoid crashing and burning like I usually do this time of year lmao

#[static] #work has been ..... Unpleasant #home life is wonderful and amazing as always but man i spend so much time at work fklghfdgf #it's around this time of year where i start to think 'what's the fucking point of working the job i do' and i have an existential crisis #even trying to play games rn is just Too much for my senses. I need to just enjoy silly non-serious things for a week or two I think #been hanging out with friends outside of work which has helped a lot! #i need some whimsy among the constant horrors which I feel bad for needing since it's 100% a privilege to be able to have that #it sucks that work drains my happiness away!! it's really just a couple of people there that make life miserable for everyone #there's nothing anyone can do about it ... alas ... we must continue moving forward because that's all we are able to do #i also feel bad because I started ME3 but I'm going to have to put playing it on hold until I'm in a much better headspace to enjoy it #it's been really amazing so far but it's incredibly intense and sad and i know it's going to eat my heart by the time it's done with me

[chryblossomjjk]

heading to the gym for the first time in forever

#i genuinely h8 working out like u guys don’t even get it #trying to get back into a routine bc ive been feeling like absolute GARBAGE lately #eating fast food way too much #not sleeping (this one isn’t my fault it’s capitalisms) #my skin has been so bad #ugh #anywho #ate a fruit and vegetable today woohooo #time to go cry on an eliptical #and then walk out like a gym baddie sex symbol 💅✨ #as i didnt just watch run bts n burn maximum 30 calories #im procrastinating okay byeeeee lmao #love you all #drink water pls our organs are deteriorating !!

[wabblebees]

just finished the new fantasy high episode and havent seen anyone talk abt this so i wanted to say i am 100. one HUNDRED PERCENT sure. that fuckin fourdogs was at that party invisibly (the One And Only buttfucker to NOT make an obvious appearance?? rules-follower or no, i dont believe that for a SECOND) and that she stole the piece of the cloud runner that went missing, and that the moment of her swipe was the "something" riz missed on his check -- i also really *hope* it wasn't oisin that made those damn ice mephits (or "muffets" as my beloved drunk adaine christened them lmao) act up like that, but immmmm pretty sure thats exactly what was goin on since it wouldve given his party member advantage/an easier access point :/

#dimension 20 #fantasy high #fhjy spoilers #listen i was oisin to be good & real & nice SO BAD. HOT RIPPED TATTED DRAGONBORN WIZARD ??? PLEASE #but. im also a suspicious-ass bitch lmao #also wait ik they spelled his name without the accent on his character art #but doesnt the name oisin have an accent over one of the i's?? idk jack abt shit so i could be wrong ofc #in any case. i like the concepts behhind the ratfuckers as a party (*except buddy. seeing him made me feel fucking ILL lmao.) but #i neeeeeeed them to get fucking TROUNCED by the bad kids. i NEED it. theyd be so much more tolerable if they got briefly asswhooped #like i think after that they could TOTALLY be friends and work together. before that?? FUCK no lmfao #anyway. i love-hate fishykitty whatserbucket and i need to see her lose #i cant wait for the ratgrinders to meet the unstoppable force that is the bad kids bigass hearts #deciding to team up with local shitheads & therefore turning them into op allies by sheer force of will and love #its happened to ragh its happened to aelwyn it kiiinda happened with kalina (jury's still out but my fingers are crossed!!) #spring break i believe in them!!! #bee speaks #its happening yall. i try to keep my incomprehensible blorboposting to a dull roar but now that im fully caught up on d20 i fear i may start #going full pepe silvia trying to figure this out #i cant binge it all in one go and have it rot thru my brain like slow-eating acid to leak thru in a contained matter #waiting for a new episode every week means i have time to THINK

[s0fter-sin]

Thinking you shouldn't have to pay for Watcher content is you being entitled, actually.

did i ever say i shouldn’t have to pay for it? no, i said it’s disappointing that i would now have to after years of it being free. it would be easier to take if they were completely changing and upgrading their shows or established that the stream wouldn’t just have their current shows and maybe discontinued ones, that it would be different from their youtube channel and worth the sudden charge, but it’s hard not to feel like they’re throwing their audience under the bus

#from what weve seen the shows will still have the same number of episodes so we arent even getting more of the same content #just nebulous ‘better’ content which could mean anything and also nothing when the shows have gradually started to feel overproduced #it is my and anyone elses right to be disappointed by this #and its a personal choice #if you think its worth the money or if youre in a place where you can afford another service then thats wonderful and i hope you enjoy it #but that doesnt make it any less tone deaf to say we as a company need more money when people cant afford to eat #plenty of creators have successfully crowdfunded their own shows without putting all of it behind a paywall #critical role immediately comes to mind #they have literal thousands of hours of content for free and when it came time to ask for money people showed up for them #the answer didnt have to be put everything on a streaming service when there were plenty of other options #its also just a bad business decision but i dont have the expertise to talk about that #tldr people are allowed to feel however they want about this #also acting like its somehow more ‘authentic’ to get money from your audience #instead of advertisers and sponsors who can actually afford it is sus as hell im just saying #mailbox #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #watcher #shane madej #ryan bergara #steven lim

[thenwethrowitonthefire]

Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family

#fucking hell #it started with finding out my dad smoked in my car when I picked up my sister #who was equally dreading the day #my mum turns into the world's tensest and judgemental presence. worsened by my aunt #then hell for autistic people (of which there are multiple present) #multiple deaf people means one uninspired conversation that isn't interesting in any way. #combinations of passive aggressiveness and people not saying a thing because they can't participate. voice volumes too damn high #weirdass food situations. Very full table. so many smells. #this goes on for over an hour. wishing for literally anything but being there. soul crushing. #then you still have to sit in that room for 2.5 hours. it just goes on and on. #my autistic deaf dad physically looks like how I feel. my mum and aunt keep piling on top of him to demand his mental presence #i leave the room once (to get my phone to show pictures to my uncle) and am immediately followed upstairs by my mum #who demands I don't leave the room (What's next. following me when I need the toilet?) #me and my sister are so bored we start throwing paper planes and fake fighting. #Which amuses the bored and the deaf #but of course my mum and aunt have opinions and this is not allowed. only soul crushing boredom allowed #they complain to each other over it while aggressively doing dishes #finally it ends because my mum and aunt start insisting my dad should go to bed if he's 'that tired'. *sprinkle on some additional ableism* #still sitting through a conversation about allergies one of my sister's friends has. my mum preaching that people should take that seriously #(meanwhile i had to cook for myself for 9 years because when my allergies were really bad no one bothered to check if i could eat something) #me and my sister go sit upstairs to discover our mum has made things we care about vanish in her room #and made things appear that should not be there #I've washed the interior of my car and hope the smell will go #you think it's over after that. but woke up with the realisation that even more things have disappeared from my sister's room. #i can't remember a time when things left outside of my room didn't disappear #I don't know why we do these family gatherings at all. no one has fun on days like that. #the housing crisis isn't making these things easy. my sister is losing her place to live again as well #she'll go hiking for a month and then work on a campsite over the summer #maybe I'll go house sitting again. idk. #can't make commitments a few months in advance like that because I'll cancel everything the second Sparks announces anything important

[silenthillbunni]

🤧🐀🌧️🌊

#need to clear my head; #im in such a bad mood. my face is in a perpetual angry state. im just so so bitter nd pessimistic rn #trying not to get stuck in negative chaos thought spirals nd to just take it as it come #nd be patient bc recovery takes time i know. but i havent been able to feel healthy or functional for 7 months nd i am so tired #i cant help but worry abt my health nd what kinda diet i can have nd how to work all of that out. #like the removal of the gallbladder dont ensure a good digestive system. they remove it bc it can irrepairably hurt u #also im so so stressed out abt school nd my courses. i already had to drop one last week. nd it isnt looking like i'll be able to pass my #eng class.. it just isnt looking like it's realistic at all :/ i personally dont mind if i fail. but i can get issues w my wellfare hmm #bc like im still feeling rough nd u only get sick leave for one week after surgery.. so i have to go on thursday nd friday but im gnna #be in pain plus be so hungry nd be unable to concentrate idk #idk idk!! im already willing to take out loans to finish my upper secondary school.. but i have to make it work w timing nd stuff so im not #sitting here unable to pay rent or the bills or food lmao. so idk have to fix it somehow #nd the pressure of this country rapidly declining state is stressing me tf out!! having nazi conservative rightists in the ruling is just #dreadful!!!! for many reasons but atm idek if i can do distance classes like i wanted to :// #i just.. wanna be able to go for my long walks. go to the gym. eat normally. have coffee. study nd finish highschool. #then apply for whatever program i can nd move to another calmer city. prob eventually find a path to move to another country. like norway.. #im thinking too much but my thoughts are spinning nd killing me like i cant stop it im so scared nd anxious lmao 💀 #im also trying to be brave and write to the psych clinic for personality disorders nd be upset nd 'beg' them for help ksksksks. #but like... the thing abt having avpd is that i kinda dont wanna bc im scared of the possibility of them helping me lol #im just in a low place nd bad headspace and it's just getring worse nd im getting more nd more tired #i dont have much more energy to keep it together nd pretend like im ok or like i have hope lmaoooo idk what to do #anyway... idk idk guess i just gotta .. keep crawling forward anyway i can

[love-has-a-way-ofgrowingbackward]

everytime i take a tiny triangle out of the cake i made my brother comes in and cuts off a trapezium, making the cut a single clean line. it would be vaguely funny but like i made the thing and like could he not eat it all without leaving some for me

#rant #i guess #it really fucking annoys me how i have to cut off my share in everything that comes in this house ever #like always stay on alert for your food and stash away your share or its gonna be gone by morning #i dont even know why its making me frustrated enough to cry #its just. nice good food has always been a treat and motivator for me and my brother has a habit of always grabbing my share too #it sounds so silly out of context but like. ive had a lifetime of going through a bad tiring day with nothing to look forward to but #a nap and something i like to eat. and always opening the fridge to an empty container #or worse the box is there but then i get in bed with a book and open the damn thing to find half a spoonful inside. #it would be annoying once or twice but its just. all the fucking time. #i hate this survivalistic shit #its not long before i move out thank god but still #he always did it when i was young and my mom hardly ever said anything #like now if i want i can get myself some treats but when i was younger i didnt have much choice. #i havent had the time to bake in two years and prep plus baking the layer cake took two days. i put so much work in it. #and he ate half of it by the time i came back from fucking peeing. i cant even say anything because he gets fucking angry and aggressive #at the drop of a hat so im. crying in my room about it. look my feelings are not as drownable and consuming now. i generally dont #let things like that affect me too much. but i feel so young again and like the entire world is so unfair. i don't know #writing my feelings out on a tumblr blog is so much better than journalling they should recommend this shit in therapy