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inkyray · 19 days

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a/n: send more requests i love doing them for yall

3k words

warnings/content ahead: bsf!chris x virgin!reader, smut, oral fem!receiving (eating out yess), suggestive, p in v, fingering, pet names (princess), Fritos, missionary, and more come find out

BANG

Your roommate had just left to see her family for the next week, which meant you had the apartment all to yourself for a full 7 days. You were ecstatic, immediately letting Chris know.

brobrobro

guess what rn

You type excitedly, your fingers practically shoving a hole through your phone screen. The message immediately goes to seen, and you watch bubbles pop up, indicating he was typing.

You finally came to your senses and decided to move out of that disgracefully small apartment ?

dude no

you know i can't afford that shit

im staying here until i start making the bag i deserve !!!

Right

now guess

You cut all your hair off and went bald

Please tell me you went bald

Actually no

Please tell me you didnt go bald

nah not bald 💔

I GOT THE WHOLE APARTMENT TO MYSELF;!!!! FOR A WEEK!!

Holy fuck

The caps had me go BLIND trying to read

where's the happiness and the cheer

you better start typing back in caps.

YES! 😭 YOU HAVE THE ENTIRE PLACE TO YOURSELF!!

FOR HOW LONG? A WEEK I HEAR? IT'S ALMOST LIKE YOURE AN ADULT!

THAT MUST BE WHY I'M HEARING FOLK MUSIC AND TAP DANCING OUTSIDE!

god bless ☝️ now come over so we could politely watch a movie

hmmmm Depends

what movie is it

Ya Momma! 😂😅

sounds amazing

I'll be there in a few

You close your phone, getting up to quickly clean the place around you.

Chris was no stranger to you, you two had known each other since the day he threw up on you in middle school. He had caught a bug and unfortunately he sat behind you. You didn't really understand how throw up could reach past a desk capacity but it had somehow made it into your hair. Disgusting, horrific week. But he made it up to you.

For him, he moved to LA for work reasons. He was famous, although he didn't like to admit it, nor did it really feel like it for him. You moved because of college, the moment you two graduated out of highschool, it was as if the universe worked hard to get you two closer. And, it worked. You guys were closer now than you were in school.

You would split the rent with your roommate, which was already an expensive bunch, considering this was LA. But Chris would constantly insist on helping you out financially, paying for most of your things when you would practically beg him not to. You had a hard time receiving stuff, but Chris had a problem with giving. You two balanced each other out in that aspect.

You hear a knock on the door, already knowing who it is. It doesn't take you long to reach it. "Why are you holding Fritos?" You ask, huffing a laugh at the weirdly large bag of chips in his hand as he enters your apartment and heads for your bedroom.

"'Cus I wanted Fritos." He answers like it's the most obvious thing in the world, flopping on your bed as you follow him to your room. You notice a few pairs of socks on the floor that you failed to pick up, doing so. "You know, I had to like, Uber here. You know how fucking crazy that is? Ubering to your place? Fucking embarassing." Chris complains, taking off his shoes and cuddling up in your bed.

"Why didn't you just ask Matt?" You wonder, folding your clothes. "Matt didn't want to. I need to get my drivers license, bro. Shit is getting ridiculous." He opens his bag of chips, and your head snaps up. "Chris." You warn as he looks you dead in the eye, a smirk playing on his lips as he slowly raises a chip to his mouth.

"Chris, I swear to God if you drop a single crumb on my bed."

"I won't." He says, before dropping the chip back in the bag.

"I'm not hungry." He folds the chip bag and places it on your nightstand beside your bed. "You get what I mean though?" He asks, taking off his hat and running a hand through his hair. "Like, I cant ask Matt to fucking, I dont know, drive me to a hook-up or something." He huffs, exasperated from the imaginary scenario he created.

You sit beside him, nodding like you agree, grabbing the TV remote and opening up a streaming platform for movies on your TV. "Oh fuck, imagine I like, pull up to a bad bitches house in an Uber. That's so fucking wild." This time you laugh, "Ubering to get your shit sucked is crazy." You say, scrolling through the endless options of what to watch.

"You ever done that? Ubering to a sneaky links house or something?" Chris asks you, sitting up on your bed. You take a second to answer. "Well, I have my drivers license." You don't know why that would qualify as an answer, but you say it anyway. "But you don't have a car." Chris reminds you. "Right." You confirm, looking at your TV, pretending to be really interested in finding something to watch.

"So? Have you?" He questions with a chuckle, not really sure where you were going with that. "Chris, I'm a virgin." You grin at the irony. A second passes and he realizes you were being serious, his jaw drops. "You're joking."

You shake your head, turning to look at him. "But– you're like, a whore." He says, you scoff, "I'm not a whore?"

"Yeah, you are." He shrugs.

"No, I'm not. I literally just told you I'm a virgin." You put the remote down. "That's why I'm shocked, you would tell me about a new boy every week and then forget about them." He says. You pop a shoulder. "I just never felt comfortable enough with them."

"Oh." He mutters. "So you didn't bang?" He draws out.

"So I didn't bang." You confirm.

"You're nuts, you would say the most diabolical shit about them too." He points a finger at you. "I'm most definitely not." You push his finger down. "How old are you again, 19?"

"19 and untouched." You wink, he stares at you for a moment. "What? Can't wrap your head around the fact I've never been creampied?"

You watch Chris close his eyes, wait for a moment, then open them again. "I'd like for you to wrap your head around it."

"What?"

You two burst out laughing.

This movie was devastatingly long and the Fritos on the bedside table were completely neglected.

You and Chris were staring at the TV, both of you pretending to be interested in what was going on. Truth was, you both were lost in your own train of thought.

Chris had resorted to an extra pillow over his lap with his mind racing in all different directions. In his defense, he was human. Once you admitted to him that you were a virgin, he could help but think of all the ways that he could strip that away from you. How easy it would be for him to just bend you over and take that purity away from you.

It wasn't the first time he'd thought of you this way, he couldn't help it. You were gorgeous, and he got lucky with the fact that you were interesting. You were probably the only girl he'd met with a soul as beautiful as her face, that's what made you so special to him.

His eyes quickly darted to yours, who were watching the movie with such intent, he saw the screen reflect in your eyes, a new scene playing. The room was dark, the only light being produced was from the illuminated TV, keeping the place a simple shade of dull blue. His sight drags down to your lips. Your full, plump lips.

Chris wonders if you've ever wrapped them around dick before, sucking just as attentively as you were watching that movie. Sliding your tongue across the tip as you slowly pushed the rest in your mouth, your eyebrows arching as you began to stroke the rest of him. Even then, you'd still be considered a virgin.

You turned to look at him, feeling his gaze on you for too long. He didn't bother looking back, holding your stare as you tried putting together what he was thinking of. "Chris?" You asked with the same lips he was just thinking of. "Hm?" He hums, his eyes lazily back on your mouth, studying every word you form. "You okay?"

He nods, you furrow your eyebrows. He was definitely lost in thought. You lower the volume of the movie and he looks back up at you. "Are you celibate?" He asks, out of nowhere. You're taken by surprise, but answer nonetheless. "Not really?"

"Not really." He repeats on his tongue, as if testing the way it would feel on there. "Okay." He says, voice as low as it could get. "You were just never comfortable?" You nod, confirming it. You watch as his eyes slowly brush over every part on your face, eventually resting on your eyes. Through the enlightenment of the TV screen, you watch his dark pupils dilate over his blue eyes. "Would you be comfortable with me?" He finally asks, voice low. You swallow.

He had multiple strands of hair fly messily in multiple directions, some over his forehead. You raise a hand to neat a messy one on his head down, using two fingers to get rid of any potential knots, soothing your hand through it as he bends his head down, letting you. "Yeah." You answer. "I would."

He lifts his head up, his grin soft but undeniable."You wanna test it out?" You felt your heart cage within itself, but as the second passed you realized you wouldn't want to lose it to anyone else. You have been waiting for this moment for a while, a really, really long and dreadful while.You stared at his fidgeting finger before looking back up at him. A simple nod does the trick, and a hand is on the side of your jaw, guiding your mouth to his. You've kissed before, he knew that, but he was still treating you like a delicate flower. His lips pressed against yours and his hand was soft against your skin. You kissed back harder, licking his lips, forcing them open, insinuating for him to let loose.

Both hands go to grab each side of your face this time, kissing you hungrily as he moves himself from beside you to in front of you. Your neck is cranned up as he sits up onto his knees. You raise your hands and slip them under his shirt, feeling his bare skin as they slide down his torso. He pulls away, immediately taking his shirt off.

You looked up at him, his gaze lingering harshly on you as he stared you down. You bit your lip as he slowly grasped the bottom hem of your T-shirt. "Arms up." He orders, and you lift them. He takes the shirt off of you, bunching it up and throwing it to the side of your room. You aren't sure what to do, you hadn't exactly worn a bra under that. You cross your arms over your chest for some sort of coverage, but Chris quickly laces his fingers around your wrist. "It's okay." He tells you, slowly dragging your arms down. "Are you okay?" He asks soft enough to send a shutter down your spine. "I'm okay." You confirm, he leans down to kiss you once more, pulling away just as soon as his lips meet yours, going to take all of you in. Your body felt hot, your chest feeling as if it was steaming the way he memorized each of your curves. He looked up at you, making direct eye contact as he began to take one tit in his mouth as the other was being caressed by his hand. You throw your head back, surprising yourself with a moan as he begins to give you open-mouthed kisses, his tongue grazing over your nipple, validating its hardness.

His mouth begins to trail back up to your collarbone, leaving desperate kisses until he's reached your neck as his empty hand trailed down the side of your hips, his thumbs curling onto the elastic of your pants, pulling them down as he bit down a hickey. You gripped onto his hair, pulling onto the section that fell above the back of his neck as he distracted your mouth with tongue-filled kisses, but you were extremely aware of the hand that had slipped into your panties, two fingers suddenly pressing against you. You whimper.

"Everything okay, princess?" He breathily asks, watching your face scrunch up as he begins to rub your cunt. "So wet for me, how long have you been dreaming of this?" He tries to catch your eyes but they're sewed shut, the soft noises coming from your mouth giving him all the answers you need. His soft and lengthy fingers suddenly pump into you, and you gasp. "Chris." You utter, feeling him pump in and out of you as his thumb grazes harshly onto your clit. You flinch. "Chris." You moan louder.

"That's right, say my name." He says as he pumps you faster, his other hand grabbing the secure of your jaw. He wanted to feel your mouth back on his, he wanted to feel your moans and whines on his mouth. The clench in your stomach reaches an all time high and your hips buckle. Your stomach loosens and you feel your loud moans muffle harder by Chris's refusal to leave your lips, you feel him smirk under the kiss as you cum all over his fingers. "Feel good?" He questions, your nodding is instant and he laughs at the quickness of your answer. Your hand follows his hair as he begins to lower himself, kissing your stomach, thighs, and then your pussy. His tongue trails down your slit, his mouth collecting what had just been your orgasm. Your thighs immediately close around him, your legs going over his shoulders and crossing at your ankles. It was safe to say you've never been eaten out. Until now. And it was heavenly.

Your hands push down on his head, feeling his nose press against you and a huff of laughter giving your pussy a breathy gust of air. "So needy." He hums, licking your folds.

Embarrassingly enough, you reached your second orgasm, pulling hard onto his hair. He looked up at you, smiling with his teeth as white liquid drooped down them and off his chin. He fixes his posture, sitting up but still between your legs.

Catching your breath, you glare at him. "Still a virgin though." He sings the last word happily, memorizing the image in front of him as his hands massaged your thighs.

"You gonna change that or what?" You finally muster up a few real words, challenging him. He raises an eyebrow, "Oh?"

"Take your pants off for me? Let me feel you, Chris." You tell him, sounding awfully like a whiney, desperate order. The smirk is still playing on his lips, looking at you through his messy hair. "And to think you'd had enough."

"You promised me something, remember?" You palm his dick through his sweatpants, feeling him rock hard against your hand. Instinctively, he pushes his hips into your hand, and you squeeze his large size, whimpers sneak from his mouth. "It's obvious you hadn't had enough, though."

Chris wastes no time shoving his pants off taking it right down with his boxers. His dick springs up and you need a moment to register. Okay, woah.

"Finally fuck me?" You wonder. His grip on your hips were tight, as if he was keeping himself from suddenly ramming himself into you, keeping in mind you were trusting him with your virginity. "Finally." He confirms, the idea of fucking you in his mind since the moment he was able to form a thought like that.

He slowly enters himself in you, and your hand clasps around your mouth, trying to keep yourself from screaming at the sudden stretch. He clicks his tongue, letting out a series of curse words. "Fuck, you are so tight." You answer him by pushing yourself onto his cock as he holds you down. You clench yourself around him and he audibly moans, slowly rocking his hips back and forth. Each thrust was long, slow, and wet, you soaked up each movement desperately.

With his hand still holding onto you, he drops his head to look at the sin you two were participating in, guiding your hips in and out of him. Each pull rhythmic as he pushed himself deeper into you as you clench, trying to get used to the feeling. Your whimpers got louder as he went faster, hypnotized by the scene in front of him. He wanted to keep this memory locked in his head forever, how beautiful you looked sprawled against your bed, moaning his name as he thrusted in and out of you, taking away your virginity.

For a moment it all seemed too good to be real, and he went faster, wanting to see just how the narrative in front of him would go. The thrusts harsher and quicker, you gripped the sheets hard and your moans grew louder. "Taking me so well, princess." He hit your G-spot three times too fast, and you practically blasted him with cum. You tried warning him, but he seemed lost in his own mind. As if on cue, he pulled out the moment you came all over his dick. "Fuck." He followed that up with your name, finishing as his orgasm splattered on your stomach and chest, where he'd specifically aim it there.

He flops down on the empty spot beside you, both you guys attempting to catch your breath. A few seconds of shocked but comfortable silence pass.

He turns his head to look at you. "Good or nah? Wanna try again?"

"What, like, take my virginity again?"

"Yeah."

"How about we try a nice shot at my first ever aftercare, yeah? Then I'll consider it."

"Right, of course."

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gartenofbanny · 9 months

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"I'm pretty sure Vivziepop's former associates are working on Lackadaisy".

There is Michael Kovach, the former VA of Angel Dust (who did a phenomenal job promoting Hazbin Hotel, recorded a song for it and even moved to different town for the sake of being closer to Hazbin production), currently working on the show. I cant even think how he feels after Vivziepop replaced him with some celebrity actor for no reason (There was evidence that Viv could keep him, but decided not to) and now she's trying to get her name on the credits of his current project.

P.S. Let's be honest, Vivzie would never donate such giant pile of money if she couldnt get any profit from it. Lackadaisy is a well-established brand. It was around before Viv even graduated from the art school (the first pages of a comic were released in 2008 if I remember correctly). It has a big, faithful audience that will get an interest in Viv's content since she helped their favourite show.

P.P.S. I'm probably overreacting, and shouldnt count other's people money. In the end of the day Lackadaisy will get it's budget which I'm happy about. But the entire situation with Viv doesnt look good for. Especially since there were multiple accusations of SH underpaying their animators and Viv confirming that they didnt have enough money to afford Erica Lindbeck's voice acting in half of the Helluva Boss season 2.

Oh wow, I did not know Michael was working for Lackadaisy. Though I'm not surprised since his voice was the reason why Angel Dust was somewhat sufferable and I'm pretty sure that Viv replaced Michael and the rest of them with other more popular voice actors just so Hazbin would become more famous as a result.

And I don't believe you're overreacting, I have a hunch that Vivziepop donated to Lackadaisy just so more people would stroke her ego a bit more.

People call her the "Queen of Indie Animation" even though there has been popular indie animation projects that existed even before Hazbin and Helluva such as Eddsworld and Metal Family.

Viv couldn't afford to record Loona's lines because for some freaking reason she was working on the recordings Season 2 around 2020 to at most 2021 and due to lack of budget. Though this leads me to wonder how they couldn't get Norman to voice Striker since the pandemic was still going on, maybe they couldn't afford him anymore.

#helluva boss #vivziepop critical #helluva boss critical #helluva boss criticism #vivziepop criticism #vivziepop #helluva critical #helluva boss critique #vivienne medrano #hazbin hotel #hazbin critique #hazbin critical #hazbin hotel critique #hazbin hotel critical #hazbin hotel criticism

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stealingyourbones · 1 year

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Your asks are back! Im prolly gonna send a few tomorrow bc its late and i have many idea but an idea that Wont Let Me Go:

Danny gets caught by his parents. They dissect him and jazz is the one to free him, but he has to go. Now. But where does he go?

Gotham. The drs fenton went there once and caused enough chaos to be banned from the city or else risk arkham. Its the one place they might not find him.

Danielle goes with him. Maybe shed hunkered down in gotham for a bit, maybe shes passing by amity when sht hits the fan. Either way, its her and danny. They figure it wont be too hard to get by. Break into an empty apartment and hide out there until they get caught, couldnt be too hard, right?

Too bad the building they go for is the one jason stays in, as a civillian, and hes got every apartment on his floor so that the risk of a neighbor seeing him as hood is minimal. Jason has to figure out how these kids got into the apartment and who is making them spy on red hood.

He does this by giving them the one thing kids in need cant afford to turn down- free meals. He invites them over to cook and teaches them how, both to see what hes dealing with and give them those skills once theyre out of whatever situation theyre in.

This goes on for a while before jason had the horrifying realization.

Hes turing into Bruce. Two kids in need with black hair and blue eyes who tense up when vigilantes are brought up? Hes never going to live this down. Probably frantically texts dick(?) About how hes turing into bruce and then doesnt elaborate

Unbeknowst to him, theyve secretly been "treating" him by acting as filters/replacing some of his extoplasm so he can be sure of his control over his feelings. This doesnt necessarily make him 100% calm all of the time, he still gets angry pretty easily, but. Jason gets control of himself back.

As they get closer they start being significantly more domestic. Somehow nobody has crashed jasons apartment while theyre there (they dip invisibly) and jasons relationship with bruce has improved as he no longer has to worry about pit rage taking over. Hes trying to figure out how to break the news to bruce that hes a grandfather even though he hasnt officially adopted them yet.

Dani, on the other side of town, is gossiping with a cool girl at the library named barbara about how shes been trying to figure out how to tell her neighbor that Hes Her Dad Now.

(Danny doesnt call him dad. He cant, anymore. But theyre still family)

Jason decides to introduce the topic of them meeting bruce (because 1. even though its still rocky their relationship has improved and 2. He wants it to be on his terms) and dani bursts out with the "I have a GRANDPA???????" and from there on commits to calling jason her dad and bruce (unmet) her grandpa.

Bruce meets them first and is just. In awe. He has grandchildren. His emotional constipation vs his absolute adoration of the fact hes a GRANDPARENT fight fight fight.

When danny and dani eventually meet everyone theyre all like oh sick bruce picked up a duo this time nice to meet you. And they absolutely cannot comprehend it when bruce and jason walk in and dani goes to jason first. Nobody expected jason to take on bruces adoption tendencies but they should have.

(Also fun hc i couldnt work in naturally but i do fully stand by- the ectoplasm in dannys body does affect his injuries somewhat, meaning he heals naturally very quickly from most ghost fights. Why?

It heales based on emotional healing.

He doesnt really care all too much about the average cut from one of his rogues and they heal within the day, but a hit from valerie takes a few weeks.

The first injury his parents ever gave him still hurts.

He can barely move and cant talk for the first few weeks with jason. Only once he starts feeling safe with him do the cuts start coming back together.)

The casualness of “hi so glad your asks came back” [drops at least 1k worth of fucking stellar content that’s basically a fic] is just making me truly awestruck. God I’ve missed seeing y’all’s neat ideas.

I dont have any words that I can say that could describe just how wonderful this is so I’ll write a lil addition to it instead because I am in love with this sm.

Jason’s point of view when he’s slowly getting better and isnt afraid to meet his family because of the pit rage, has he explained that’s the reason he distanced himself? Do the bats just think that this is simply Jason finally getting the courage to reach out? Do they know that the Pit rage is stopping Jason and do they try to help him by using alternative means of communication? How much do they help and understand.

When Jason experiences his first injury. How much does it hurt? Valerie shoots him with an ectogun. How much is this man in pain for and does he have to fight pit rage inside him to not lash out and attack her after being injured?

And how does his core react to his new kids. This I NEED to know

#danny phantom #dp x dc #dc comics #writing prompts #dp x dc prompt #dpxdc #bones replies #this is some stellar writing my guy #ever-after-aaa

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jomsimagination · 1 month

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always you || harley quinn x fem! reader

in which, harley always ends up with you.

it all started as an innocent thing. it was you being friendly, but even before harley knew your name she fell in love with you.

you would just usually give her a dollar to buy her favorite sandwich and she would go away. but after a few months, she stuck around, waking up with her burning down you’re kitchen, or on somedays you’d wake up with her just staring at you with pure admiration.

of course it was creepy, but then you got used to it. you don’t know how she would get in your apartment in the first place, but it was harley, so you really shouldn’t question.

on some days, when you got off of work you would see her in your couch eating food from your fridge, you’d kick her out of your apartment, since you can’t afford two people, plus she was a criminal, you couldn’t afford to go to jail.

but then, it was harley, she’d promise you no harm will ever go your way. but still you kicked her out. then you’d nail your windows shut. to stop her from entering your apartment. it did work for a year, and you were scared to admit it bu last year was gray. and as much you hate it, she brought out the best in you, and that she was the color of your life.

but then this specific night, a knock woke you up, you worked a nine to five, so of course you were angry. “what do you want.” you grumbled, as you rubbed your eyes, opening your door. “oh i’ve missed you!” harley exclaimed, hugging you tightly.

“h-harley.” you mumble, super tiredly. “i missed you so much, y/n.” she said again, pulling away with a big smile. “it’s 3 am, what are you doing?” you ask her. “well i missed you, and i just got out of prison!” she exclaimed, as your eyes grew wide in shock.

“what? so you go to me?” you pull her inside your apartment, checking if anyone saw. “oh c’mon, you missed me too.” she smiled, that stupid and wicked smile. “no. look you’re gonna get me in trouble. okay, so leave now.” you say with a stern look, as you open the window for her.

“what. makin’ me leave already?” she says, with a sadistic smile. “yes. now go.” you weren’t backing down, you wanted her out. the only things she brought you is trouble, and a couple furniture, and some jewelry she stole, but still, trouble.

“oh c’mon, hon. don’t be like that. i missed you, and you probably missed me too.” she steps closer to you, a soft smile on her lips, the moonlight shining upon her face. “c’mon, just a few more minutes?” she asks, her hands wandering to your waist, as her lips slowly went to yours.

you could’ve pulled away, but instead, you deepen the kiss by wrapping your arms around her neck, holding her closely. you guys kissed for a few more seconds, until her tongue poked your bottom lip, and you let her enter.

her tongue exploring every part of your mouth, you only pulled away so you could get some air. she looked you in the eyes, watching your every move, when you regain your breathing, she tugged on the hem of your shirt, then pulling it off.

she was like an animal, as soon as your shirt was off, she grabbed your hips, throwing your shirt off somewhere. she lifted you up, easily like you were paper, allowing for your legs to be wrapped around her. then kissing you once again.

she entered your room, and once you were laid down on the bed, she took off her shirt and your pants. after that she slowly but surely kissed down your body, removing your undergarments in the process.

she kissed down your body until she reached your core, lifting your legs on her shoulders, she kissed and made hickeys on your inner thighs before—you know what’s next.

let’s just say you—well she went all night long, until you even couldn’t move anymore in tiredness. the next morning. was interesting, you woke up with the smell of coffee on your night stand, and a note saying;

Dear, y/n, my sugarplum

sorry i cant be with you as you wake up, i had to go early, but i made coffee for you :) its not as good as your coffee, but i had to make up for all the soreness youre probably having right now :) i hope you enjoyed last night i surely did ;) i miss you.

it was sweet, she was sweet, she also kind of gave you the best after care, she was absolutely precious, despite what she looked like, but still, she was the best. and she looked absolutely gorgeous under the moonlight.

you left your apartment with a smile on your face, you were glowing to say so, maybe you really did have something to live for. maybe just maybe.

and there you are, weeks after your encounter with harley, taking off the nails on your window, leaving your windows unlocked, looking at the moon before you sleep, cause it still reminded you of her. maybe you’re down bad for her.

you waited for weeks, which turned into eight months, and that was when you lost hope, maybe she wasn’t gonna ever come back. so now you’re back in your gray life, your gray life without your color—without harley.

and here you are, walking to your apartment, seeing it was unlocked and slightly open, you didn’t leave it unlocked or open. so you’re clutching your bag ready to pounce on who ever is inside.

and once again you acted before you thought, and now you’re hitting on whoever is in your apartment. “ow! ow! honey, stop! look i know i didn’t show up for a few months but stop!”

and when you heard that voice it brought you to hit her more, “hey! stop.” she used her stern voice on you, and that’s when you stopped. “honey, i’m—hit me with that bag again and—“ she stopped herself, because you were someone special to her.

“and what? you’re gonna kill me?” you say, not backing down. “bub, cut it out.”

“you know what? kill me! i don’t care! in fact i’m glad it’s you! so you’ll go through pain for once!”

“you thought i never went through pain before!? my life before becoming who i am now was all about pain! pain and pain! and when i met you…”

“oh i don’t care! go to the person who made you that way!”

“are you jealous?” she asks her voice soft. “no! i’m tired of being the second option! tell me who do you stay with when you aren’t with me?”

“j…” you knew who, she knew you knew exactly who it was. she knew you were hurting already and she made it worst, she knew all of that. but she always came running back to you, well only if joker betrayed her or broke up with her.

“exactly. now please let yourself out.” you say, feeling tired as you walk to your room, and just lay down on your bed, staring at the celling.

and she did, you could hear the door close. so officially your unofficial relationship with harley was over. and for the next two years, she’s never showed up, not on purpose of course, you sometimes see her on the street getting chased by the police, or leaving her favorite sandwich place.

your life was gray, but still at least it wasn’t colorful anymore, who said you need color in your life to be happy. you weren’t the happiest, only a little, but it’s a start. right?

you admit it, you missed her, she missed you too, resolving into watching you from afar instead, watching as you laugh with your office friends, eating at your favorite restaurant, the only times she felt sad was when you celebrated your birthday alone. she couldn’t go to your apartment anymore, since you started to lock your windows and doors close, and that your door said ‘no harley quinn!’ but watching you from afar would suffice.

she truly missed you, even more than the joker—wrong she only missed you. she only wanted you. she wanted the one thing she can’t have. it’s always been you—always you.

A/n another another shitty post! but at least.

#harley quinn #harley quinn x reader #harley x reader #angst?

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borderline-culture-is · 1 month

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Hi, this is a long ask. I am not diagnosed with anything, but Ive been thinking that I might have bpd. I started self harming at 9 yo, and was given ssri and antipsychotics to treat the symptoms, because i was too young to be diagnosed. Three years ago I moved countries, and I was so stressed that I literally ragequit talking all my medications, because I couldn’t sustain importing it from my country. Follow two horrible years of withdrawal, where I kept having derealization episodes, panic attacks, delusions followed by crying spells that lasted for hours, inability to maintain any relationships at all, I was incredibly angry and abusive to my mother, all that fun stuff. For the first year I refused to get any therapy because I thought they didn’t care about me and didn't want to settle for that, and the second year I was so crushed that if a fucking rock would listen (metaphorically), I would break down to it. Still not getting much support atm because being underage in an unfamiliar system makes it really hard to know what to do.

I only shook out of this state in the beginning of this school year, when my teacher called the cops on me for self-harming. I started working on regulating my emotions, meditating, and just accepting that I am the weird one for feeling this way and learning not to blame or burden other people. I also started noticing that my whole live ive only had FPs, and not a lot of genuine close relationships (I feel like I depend on them for my satisfaction, always feel betrayed for not being closer, but also feeling hesitant to even call them a friend). Before I kinda just assumed that everyone felt the same way, and that I was pathetic for feeling dependent and lonely. I also noticed that I have horrible episodic memory loss, I have to exclusively rely on other people or recorded evidence to shape any perception of my past.

I think, to an extent, my other traits have cancelled out some of my symptoms: I never lashed out or argued with my classmates because I was too scared that they would leave me, so instead I forced myself to act in the most mild way possible; I do have black and white thinking towards new people, but I make myself ignore it because I understand that it is my fault and I am being unreasonable; I never acted impulsively because I was too depressed or too scared to be proactive in any way at all.

My biggest issue with self-diagnosing is that I have never had any traumatic experiences. I come from a caring family, and, although I still blame my mom for feeling unfulfilled and neglected, there isn’t anything my parents really did wrong. She did as much as she could and I feel guilty for resenting her. I don’t remember any of my childhood, but it is completely reasonable to assume that nothing ever happened that would count as traumatic.

My point is, I have already either developed some coping mechanisms, or have come to accept that I will always feel misunderstood and unhappy. Even if I do have some kind of a disorder, I am unsure whether I should even try to get diagnosed in the first place. If I do, this would mean that my whole life is thrown out of the window with a diagnosis like that on my medical chart. It would negatively impact my human rights, my employability, my independence, all those things I really can’t afford to compromise, being an immigrant and trans. But at the same time, I just really want to find out what the hell is wrong with me, to feel understood and to have some support on how to live a normal life.

Yeah I guess the main purpose of this ask is to vent to someone who understands, and to ask for your opinion and advice on whether you think I have a disorder and if I should attempt to get it diagnosed.

--☀️🎣anon

okay. even if you dont think you have any trauma, theres still a lot of factors that could contribute to it. i think its also worth mentioning that you said you cant really remember your childhood, so it does leave some room for trauma that you either may not remember or just might not see as traumatic. and i also think that feeling neglected as a kid could do some damage, even if its unintentional. sometimes parents hurt their kids without realizing, and it doesnt invalidate the way that you feel about it!!

as for diagnosis, i think its okay for you to self-diagnose, as there are a lot of difficulties and struggles that comes with being diagnosed. i think it really depends on whether or not you personally see it as worth all of the potential trouble that it can bring. i do think that your symptoms are valid, and i can see a lot of hem as lining up with BPD. if you're really doubting, i dont think downloading a copy of the DSM-5 would be a bad idea, since it's what professionals usually reference from anyway.

regardless of whether or not you choose to get diagnosed, you and your struggles are valid!!! as someone who has also experienced BPD symptoms since we were young, we definitely feel for you. if you definitely think you are borderline, then i believe you are valid as long as you dont mean any harm, and i am pretty sure that you dont :]. we genuninely wish for the best for you, and we hope that your situation and overall well-being gets better soon 🫶 (/p)

- oliver

#not culture #advice #bpd questions #vent #- ☀️🎣

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disneyanddisneyships · 1 year

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@gyubby99 I love angst.

Alastor x OC fic

She was 19 with a baby on the way On the East-side of the city, she was working every day Cleaning dishes in the evening, she could barely stay awake She was clinging to the feeling that her luck was gonna change And, 'cross town she would take the bus at night To a one-bedroom apartment, and when she'd turn on the light She would sit down at the table, tell herself that it's alright She was waiting on the day she hoped her baby would arrive

Lilly woke up to the soft sound of birds outside her window.

She took a breath and sighed as she rested a hand gently on her stomach, the other moving to feel the other side if the bed, which had been empty.

She walked to her bathroom and brushed her teeth, ready to start a day of job hunting and cooking for her boyfriend.

She hummed as she washed the dishes from the previous night, placing food in the fridge that hadn't been eaten due to Jason not coming home.

He had promised her he'd be home.

But she was in a good mood, and couldn't be mad at him no matter how hard she tried.

The day passed and Lilly had fallen asleep on the old working down couch when she was startled awake by the door opening.

"Hi honey!" She exclaimed with a smile.

"Did you lay on the couch all fucking day? You're so fucking lazy," Jason stated as he stomped into their shared bedroom, leaving Lilly on the couch.

She sighed before looking down at her growing tummy.

She'd never be alone Have someone to hold And when nights were cold She'd say

Lilly smiled as she realized that when this baby came, she wouldn't be alone. She'd have someone to spend time with.

Lilly walked into the bathroom and sat on the tub.

The world's not perfect, but it's not that bad If we got each other, and that's all we have I will be your mother, and I'll hold your hand You should know I'll be there for you When the world's not perfect When the world's not kind If we have each other, then we'll both be fine I will be your mother, and I'll hold your hand You should know I'll be there for you

"Oh my baby.... you know... the world's not perfect, but it's not that bad.... if we have each other, then that's all we have.... I'll be your mother and I'll hold your hand..... I will always be there for you," Lilly muttered to her bump with a soft smile.

.........

"I'm sorry," Lilly whispered as she tied the rope to the ceiling of the closet. "The world is too imperfect, the world is too unkind. We wont be able to have each other, I won't be fine.... I cant be your mother... I can't be there for you," she whispered to her tummy before knocking the stool out from below herself.

............

They were 90 and were living out their days On the West-side of the city next to where they got engaged They had pictures on the walls of all the memories that they'd made And though life was never easy, they were thankful that they stayed With each other, and though some times were hard Even when she made him angry he would never break her heart No, they didn't have the money to afford a fancy car But they never had to travel 'cause they'd never be apart

Aponi woke up to the sleeping figure of Alastor, the lighting from heaven beaming down on the two.

The photos on the walls showed their wedding up here in heaven, as well as the place they had gotten engaged, and the place where they had adopted Judith.

"Good morning, beautiful," Alastor muttered as he pulled aponi closer.

"Good morning, my love," Aponi whispered back as she cuddled closer to him.

Even at the end Their love was stronger than The day that they first met They'd say

The two walked through the house while their daughter was at school.

They knew each other so well by now.

Alastor pulled her in to dance, no music in the air.

The world's not perfect, but it's not that bad If we got each other, and that's all we have I will be your lover, and I'll hold your hand You should know I'll be there for you When the world's not perfect When the world's not kind If we have each other, then we'll both be fine I will be your lover, and I'll hold your hand You should know I'll be there for you

"Al?" Aponi asked as she rested her hea Don his chest as they swayed back and fourth.

"Yes, my dear?" He replied.

"The world's not perfect, but it's not that bad. We have our family. It's all we have.... I will be your lover and I'll hold your hand... I'll always be here with you," Aponi stated.

"When the world isn't perfect, or when the world isn't kind, we have each other other were both just fine. I will always be there for you," Alastor replied as he held her closer.

You should know I'll be there for you

.........

Gabriel walked through the house his mother lived in, toward her room.

I'm 23, and my folks are getting old I know they don't have forever and I'm scared to be alone

When he mother died he knew he'd be truly alone.. all of his family members would be gone.... including his big sister....

............

So I'm thankful for my sister, even though sometimes we fight When high school wasn't easy, she's the reason I survived I know she'd never leave me and I hate to see her cry So I wrote this verse to tell her that I'm always by her side I wrote this verse to tell her that I'm always by her side I wrote this verse to tell her that

"Lilly wait up!" A 10 year old Gabriel called as he ran after his sister.

"Tag! You're it!" Lilly yelled as she tagged her brother.

"Not fair you cheated!" Gabriel called.

"Did not!" Lilly shouted in return.

...........

"High school is just really hard, lills....." Gabriel stated over the phone as he worked on some homework.

"Toldja so. Chin up, kid. You're a senior! So close to being done!" Lilly exclaimed from the other line.

"Yeah I know..... how's it going with Jace and the pregnancy?" Gabtiel asked.

Lilly was silent for a few seconds.

"Lills?" Gabriel asked.

"Its uh.... fine.... I guess," Lilly stated.

Before Gabriel could ask anything more, he heard a slam of a door followed by a gasp from his sister.

"I-ive gotta go," Lilly stated.

"What? Wait-" He was cut off by the sound of the phone call ending.

..........

The world's not perfect, but it's not that bad If we got each other, and that's all we have I will be your brother, and I'll hold your hand You should know I'll be there for you When the world's not perfect When the world's not kind If we have each other, then we'll both be fine I will be your brother, and I'll hold your hand You should know I'll be there for you

"We found her in her closet...." one of the officers spoke to the family, rendering Gabriel speechless as he drowned everything out.

He looked through the glass at his deceased sister on the table, a mark around her neck.

"Can I go inside?" Gabriel asked.

"I'm sorry, but we can't let-"

"Please...... she was my best friend," Gabriel spoke in a shaky voice.

The door opened and Gabriel walked in, standing next to her he took her hand in his.

"We had each other it was always fine.... I would've been there for you," He muttered before a tear slipped down his face.

..........

Aponi walked the streets of heaven with her father, making short conversation when a voice made itself known.

"Lilly?"

Aponi turned around to spot her brother. "Gabriel," she muttered before the two angels ran to one another and hugged.

You should know I'll be there for you

#Spotify

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slutcore-starships · 25 days

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unpopular opinion ig but . doing something to make the world a better place and move closer to your vision is better than not doing something. yall will talk about the need for unity and the power of the workers etc etc until . someone has an opinion different than yours and now its time to enforce ideological singularity

its good to have an ironclad ideological core, but only so far as it serves its purpose: building the bloc you want to have your back!! teaming up with people who are willing to fight for your major tenets!! keeping actively harmful people out of your coalition!!

as an example: having anti-fascism and multiculturalism as key tenets of your ideology will exclude the majority of bigots and give you a material reason to throw the rest out of your camp. it will attract people opposed to authoritarianism, apartheid and segregation, and supremacist ideology. its a win-win!! youve got the right conditions for a political base and solid bedrock for your vision of the way the world should work.

however, the more conditions you bake into your hard lines, the fewer people are willing to cross them to join you. when you go from foundational cultural and political ideals to just . enforcing aesthetics and languages and strategies and all the weeds you can imagine, the cost of joining your coalition grows beyond what most people can afford, much less are actively interested in.

another example: if you insist that local organizing and ballot initiatives and protesting are useless and the only acceptable forms of organizing are militant demonstrations under a single ideological banner (while you use that banner to pick fights with people online), youre not gonna encourage people to pick up a rifle . youre gonna encourage them to go seek out other coalitions you will have no voice in and that will actively bristle against collaboration with yours - a problem only compounded if you then use your ideological banner to pick fights with them and insist that, because they dont work with your movement, that they must be ideological opponents who are actively working to sabotage yours

like, there are as many ways to approach leftism as there are leftists. some of these approaches, such as red-brown authoritarianism, should be actively opposed and rallied against!! and theres plenty that have the potential to be counter-revolutionary, self-serving, polarizing, or that youll just think are bad ways to run a society, and you are under no obligation to advance their visions of how the world should work. but leftism as a whole is a silent majority *at best* - most of the time, its just . one of a spectrum of minority political umbrellas competing for a cultural and political edge. theres no one leftist or ideology that speaks for the majority on the left . and most of those wont get anywhere close.

if you have any aspiration of being a serious political factor, of making any impact, of getting an *inch* closer to the world you wanna build . you literally just have to learn that youre gonna disagree with people. and its not the end of the world. keep a core set of beliefs to ward off those who mean you harm, but like. if you cant learn how to manage a coalition, agree to disagree on methods of organizing and stockpiling goods, or when to concede that your personal views need to bow to the desire of those most directly affected, youre gonna *hate* responsibility . youre gonna loathe the day you ever took a crumb of power and youre gonna watch your movement crumble around you.

(not to mention the fact that all of yall have a *lot* to learn and some . pretty reactionary beliefs . especially around racialized/disabled/queer people, children, seniors, artists, and violence. like, flat-up, if yall dont learn how to say “thank you for correcting me” and “huh i didnt consider that before,” youll end up building movements just as destructive and repulsive as the ones you seek to replace. theres never an ideological finish line for when youve got a perfect worldview and have nothing left to learn)

#this is . way too long and somehow still didnt cover everything i wanted to say #so i leave u with this gl have fun #k’s manifesto

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verynastyspoon · 4 months

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Brokeback Mountain (alternate happy ending)

Warnings: Smut and Mention of murder

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Ennis and Jack were up on brokeback mountain. The sun was setting, a fire is burning and Ennis and Jack are having a long overdue conversation

“Me and Lureen divorced.” Jack said looking up at Ennis.

“Oh, sorry.” Ennis takes a swig of whiskey.

“Ennis,” Jack sighs “what are we doing?”

“What do you mean?”

Jack pulls Ennis close by his jacket.

“Ennis we’re both divorced now, and I don’t wanna spend another moment away from you. Whats stopping us from just living out in a cabin in the middle of nowhere?”

“Our kids, our jobs, getting beaten to death for being queer. The list goes on Jack.”

“Im sick of being fucking miserable Ennis!” Jack stands up. “Having to spend every god damn day alone not being able to be who I am, I’m fucking sick of it! Life is too short to stay living like this.”

“Jack do you think I fucking like this either!” Ennis puts his head in his hands and takes a deep breath.

Jack sits back down and puts a hand on Ennis shoulder. “We don’t have to, we can get new jobs and live in the middle of nowhere away from everyone who can hurt us.”

“What about our kids?”

“We both only get to see our kids once a month. We can move to a state in between Texas and Wyoming and when we get to see our kids stay in a hotel with them.”

“And how the hell would we afford all this.”

“Lureen was loaded and after the divorce I got half he money.” Jack takes Ennis face in his hands. “We have all the tools we need to be happy, the only thing stopping us is you.”

Ennis takes Jack hands off his face and takes them into his own. Ennis sits in thought for a while then looks up into Jack eyes. “You’re right Jack.” Ennis takes a deep breath. “Lets do it.”

Jack smiles brighter than he has in his whole life, happy tears brimming in his eyes as he pulls Ennis into a kiss. “I love you Ennis del mar.”

Ennis looks at him in shock not expecting the sudden confession. He pulls Jack into a hug and softly says. “I love you too Jack twist.” Ennis pulls Jack back into the kiss.

The kiss was different than normal. Most of the other ones were full of lust and intent, but this one was only showing their love and devotion for one another. Jack knocks of Ennis’s hat, running his fingers through his hair pulling him closer. Ennis runs in tongue along Jacks lips asking for entry which was quickly accepted. Their tongues move perfectly together after over a decade of practice.

Jack stands up taking Ennis with him, kissing all the way to the tent. He lays Ennis down and straddles his waist, kissing his neck and jawline. Jack unbuttons Ennis’s shirt, and kisses his way down after every button. Jack softly grinds against Ennis’s buldge, while rubbing his hands down Ennis’s newly exposed chest.

Ennis groans softly and pulls Jack back down into a quick kiss and starts unbuckling his pants. Jack gets the message and scoots down in between Ennis’s legs while unbuttoning his own shirt. Ennis pushes his pants and boxers down just enough for his half hard cock to pop out. Jack takes it into his hands pumping his cock to full length. He licks the underside of his cock from bottom to top before sucking on the tip. Ennis lets out a loud groan urging him to go deeper. Jack takes him in further into his mouth, bobbing his head up and down, using his hands for whatever he cant fit.

After a while of going this same rhythm Jack hollows out his cheeks and takes Ennis’s length as far as he can. Jacks gags but pushes through. He looks up at Ennis with tears in his eyes, dick all the way down his throat, pubes brushing against his nose looking absolutely pathetic. All Ennis can think about is how beautiful Jack looks choking on his cock.

“Fuck,” Ennis groans, pulling Jack off his length with a loud slurp. He makes quick work of Jack’s pants, switching positions, Ennis now straddling the others waist. Jack kicks his pants the rest of the way off as Ennis spits on his fingers and prods at Jack hole. One finger slips in with ease, quickly followed by a second. They pull each other into a passionate kiss, as Ennis scissors Jack open.

Ennis pulls back and grabs his cock, rubbing it against Jacks already abused hole. Jack wraps his legs around Ennis, urging him to thrust in. He complies and slowly pushes into Jack’s tight hole. They both groan in approval, cuddling there for a moment, not moving, just enjoying their shared love for each other. Ennis dips his head into Jack shoulder breathing in his scent, as he slowly starts to move. They hold each other, both softly kissing anything within reach.

Ennis puts his hands under Jacks ass, giving him more leverage and a better angle. They move faster, starting to desperately grind against each other. Ennis starts trying different angles trying to find the others prostate, when he does Jack lets out a high pitch moan.

This sinful sound of wet ploping and groans is all that can be heard within brokeback moutian. Jack cums first, involuntary squeezing around the others cock. Ennis pushes in as far as he can and cums deep within Jack.

They both lay there basking in post orgasm bliss, enjoying each others presence.

——————————————————————————

Authors note: This is my first fic! I would love some constructive criticism to help me get better.

#brokeback mountain #ennis del mar #jack twist #gay love #smut #lovers #happy ending #this movie was so good #this movie made me cry #normally not what I post #cry #boy love

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bringmoresorrows · 7 months

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Life Update

It's been a long time since I posted a life update. Lots of new things has happened in my life especially since i haven't updated in a year. Last year, I got myself into a situationship with this guy I became really close to really quickly and broke up with my ex of 4 years. We were dating from 2018-2022. Wow. A lot of things happened between my ex and I thankfully nothing traumatizing between us but we were falling out of love a year before the break up. As it got closer and closer to the end, I felt nothing to my ex. I was sick of how my ex constantly made me feel guilty for being myself. Plus my ex was transphobic and homophobic. Theres reasons for it as she came out as trans after we broke up. She never wanted to go out on dates with me, we stayed in the house and she didn't want to get to know my friend until like the week before we broke up. We had an apartment for a week and a half last April because the landlord said it was okay that we had the ferret then last minute they pulled back saying "nah get rid of the ferret" so we left. But it took a lot of me arguing with her for her to stand up to the landlord as my name wasn't on the lease, her name was. After that, anything i felt towards her was gone. I moved in with my parents in July and that was when my situationship with my friend started.

My heart was broken around September/October and I quickly moved onto someone new. But in between, I had no place to live aside form my parents couch and all my stuff was in storage. I even lost my ferret. My ex kept her. I got promoted to manager at my workplace and got a 2% pay increase which landed me at $20/hr where I was working 34-36 hrs a week and towards the holiday season after working 40-42 hrs a week. So I was bringing home a lot of money and had zero bills. I started building up my savings and come October, I moved in with two of my friends.

October was an interesting month last year, we had no furniture and we couldn't afford anything as we just dumped our savings into this place. It's a three bedroom apartment with 1.5 bathrooms. We have an in house washer and dryer and a dishwasher. It was awesome! We have so much space. The friend group kept making plans at my place and a few things led to another and that situationship friend and I broke things off. Mid october, I started talking to this guy over instagram. And we started hitting it off a lot. Turns out, my guy roommate and him are *best friends* so for our halloween party, he came on over! He lives a few boroughs away so its a 3 hour travel to his place and a 3 hour travel to mine. So 6 hrs total. So he came over the 30th and left November 1st. I got so drunk on the 31st and stuff happened between us before we were dating which is kinda another first for me as we just met in person for the first time. But the first time I did stuff with someone I wasn't dating was the situationship.

Come november, we start dating. Our relationship has been a bit rocky as we jumped into a new relationship and I was very much still hurt over the situationship and didn't want to admit it til a few months back. Plus living on my own has only amped up my mental health issues. I started my ed habits back up hard and lost 20 lbs in 2 months. I gained half of that back but its been hard.

January comes around and my ex tells me she cant house our ferret anymore so I was given the ferret <3. Bless.

February comes and my ferret gets very sick, throwing up for three days straight so we take her to the emergency vet and it helped her out a bunch <3

March comes and my mental health takes a worse turn.

April I have zero memories, In may my birthday happens. It was awesome! The friend group and I plus my bf + my sister go mini golfing! June nothing isolated. July: my internet friend from norway comes to visit and wow did it hit the roof. One thing led to another and they guilt trip me hard and gaslight me into thinking *i'm the crazy one* and I wind up having a severe mental break down where I attempted suicide. I also left the friend group. A day later my boyfriend calls me and gives me an ultimatum and tells me really harsh things to me which led me to crying for days and crying through a whole work shift (8 hours)

August comes and my depression is so severe, I wind up reaching out to a therapist and my pcp to start medication. Ella, my ferret, also has some more health issues showing up. Her tail has been losing fur for some time and her ears are getting backed up with ear wax. She wound up getting diagnosed with Adrenal Gland Disease. ;-;.

September; this month; comes around and therapy has been working and so has the meds. My relationship with my partner is getting a lot better and Ella is doing good too. She got her implant for Adrenal Disease this month. I've just been really tired ngl. Like very tired. But my house is getting decorated for halloween and its great!

Things are going really well for me and the people I used to miss I dont miss anymore. They didn't want me in their life then so be it. That's their problems. There was someone I named dropped a long time ago but I dont miss you anymore. You left my life and made it clear you never gave a fuck about me and only yourself. Goodbye to you. And to the other friends that bridges were burned, fuck it. I let go of it. I need to focus on myself and grow.

Next year around this time I will be moving in with my boyfriend and away from this borough where everyone knows each other. It will be rough to be in a more city based area. Its still a bit suburban but its very much on top of each other. I'm excited for it. I'm excited for the future that I'm going to have. I'm excited for the future with out the things that are holding me back.

#kj talks

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soldier-poet-king · 1 year

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I love my Nonna dearly but I also just got my first real "here's how you should find a man" advice so truly 2023 IS my Charlotte Lucas year

To be fair, I'll give them credit, this is one of the first times my family has pulled this shit on me. I suppose my "I'm too busy focusing on school" excuse that I used through all 8 years of undergrad and grad school doesn't really work now that I've been working full-time for a year. And she also didn't bring it up in front of everyone or out of the blue, it came up because we had been discussing how insane my motherhas been about babies lately and my Nonna said "oh it's BC she's waiting for grandkids"

And like??? Just because my mother got married and had kids by my age (which may have been the right decision for her, this isn't judging even if I think her life went to shit bc of it) doesn't mean it's the right decision for ME

In fact, it is the ABSOLUTE WRONG decision for me. Theres a whole long list of reasons why I'm not getting married + or having children, including but not limited to: the trauma of my parents marriage and my childhood, my own ongoing health stuff, the whole religious queer anxiety guilt complex I've got going, the fact that if I were to get pregnant the resulting mental health crisis and dysphoria would undoubtedly make me *** y'know not soemthing that is frequently a source of nightmares for me or anything, my inability to take care of myself let alone CHILDREN, and the anxiety of raising children religious when I don't even know wtf is going on with me, CHILDREN??? IN THIS ECONOMY????

Ofc I can't exactly say any of this to my Nonna who, while incredibly sweet and loving and Good, is also like. Not at all exposed to these concepts and would probably freak out if I was like hello yes I am a big fat queer and I rlly hate the concept of gender and societal ideas of womanhood :) it also doesn't help that rlly the only single, middle aged woman my Nonna knows is this lady who works at the church who is DEFINITELY a badly closeted lesbian but also she's super fuckin mean and condescending and no one likes her BC she's a bitch, on top of the whole being a badly closeted lesbian in a conservative heteronormative religious environment

Like even IF I were to get licitly Catholic married to a man. You wanna find one for me??? My Nonna was like "go to church more to find a man" HELLO??? WHERE??I GO TO MASS EVERY WEEK?? Every religious man I know irl is a radtrad women can't wear pants type or is a manchild. Even if I COULD find a normal man, he'd have to get real cool about some stuff real quick. In that forever dilemma of too leftist queer for the religious and too religious for the leftist queers. (Obvs your partner doesn't have to be your duplicate but I'm like. Generally being on the same page. The same BALLPARK. is probably conducive to having a healthy relationship, y'know?)

Besides a significant part of my having 0 social life is because I am living in my parents basement which is in a shitty not-a-suburb of mostly immigrant families with youngish kids or super old folks from when the neighborhood was built, so it's poor and run down but also super fuckin far from anything To Do, so it's the WORST of both worlds of urban sprawl. And I have no car. And I already spend 2.5 hrs a day commuting for work. And I'm chronically tired. And joining a fencing club or taking art class or whatever costs MONEY y'know the thing I'm trying to SAVE by living in this hell place???? She literally said in the same convo "live here as long as possible to save money" like??? YOU CANT HAVE UR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO as long as I'm living here I'm NOT going out and meeting ppl BC there is literally Nowhere To Go. Big box stores like Walmart? Yet another strip mall? The highway??? THIS IS SOULLESS HELL of neither nature NOR accessible city amenities

And anyway, I would rather be in a long term marriage for tax benefits relationship anyway. Not platonic, not romantic, but a secret third thing (jk but also serious). Like. Mutual devotion that blurs the lines and transcends labels. It could be completely chaste. It could not be. It's not a dealbreaker really. It's about trust and devotion and companionship and love. But also I'm insane and I KNOW how insane and obsessive I sound, and society prioritizes nuclear family relationships and not the weird ass shit I crave, and I feel too much too fast and would ruin any relationship I had even if I WERE to somehow find someone who prioritizes those things too

So like. It's fine. Most days (not all ofc, but I'm trying) I'm okay with this and being on my own and learning to cultivate my own peace and Goodness and I know who I am and what I believe and what I trust to be Good and I'm working toward that and I'm not sacrificing it for anything. But also. Can you give a bitch a break. Please. I'm so fkin tired

#franposting #my bday isnt even til JUNE #im going to bitch anyway #im genuinely really upset but part of that is bc my headache has come back #and its worse than ever #i might cry but my head already hurts too much #i got really good news at work and only the men in my family made a big deal #the women were just. meh. and ofc none of them have careers so why should ot be important to me?#as the only granddaughter ofc :))))#i am going. to crawl into bed. hair washed. lavender candle on.#do a lil meal planning. and then read or maybe just sleep.#tmrws goals after church are gym and grocery shopping before dnd #have to make my body hurt so much i cant think again #ofc bro 1 has claimed the car. so maybe i cant go #god. gos. i fuckin need to get out of here #but i literally cannot afford even studio apt rent in the city #and moving to one of the boroughs doesnt gwt me any closer to anything esp without a car #literally. just like. fuckin kill me #or find me a decently paid not soul killing job in a smaller city or even a town #where i could have a garden #or a porch swing. sit in. the sunlight

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captainimprobable · 11 months

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I’m so stressed I’m so stressed I’m so stressed

I’ve been working from the shiva house this week so it’s nonstop “I’m sorry for your loss” and getting food together and people asking me what the fuck im doing with my life and I’m forced to tell them nothing!!!! My life is so stupid right now!!! “Where do you live now?” WITH MY PARENTS. YES I UNDERSTAND ALL OF YOUR KIDS WHO ARE YOUNGER THAN ME LIVE IN THE FUCKING CITY BUT I CANT AFFORD IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m making less hourly at my job than I made working retail. I’m working paycheck to paycheck, I have no benefits, no insurance, no nothing. I turn 30 in four months and what do I even have to show for it??????? Nobody is hiring no matter how many applications I fill out, and I cannot get past the stupid fucking number. My breakdown last year was because of this and as it creeps closer and closer I feel myself getting more and more stressed about it I know. I know logically 30 means nothing. I know. But I can’t believe it. My brain wont let me. My brain thinks that because I’m a failure at 30 Ill always be a failure. And I’m tired of being a failure. I’m tired of watching everyone else in my life succeed and I feel like I’m stuck in quicksand and I can’t figure out how! the fuck! everyone is moving forward and Im not! And my grandfather is gone and my house lost power and I’m sitting here almost crying but I CANT cry because my grandma isn’t crying. My aunts aren’t crying. My dad isn’t crying. Everyone is fine and Im spiraling and that’s not fair because this isn’t about me And I keep bothering my girlfriend and she’s probably gonna leave bc I won’t shut up and Im too much and gOD I havent felt like this in months, if I’m going back into an episode I’m going on an arson spree. ok bye

#jaytp #this is. ridiculous.#yes im complaining about the same old shit #no i dont shut up #leave me alone

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weathernerdmando · 10 months

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While I'm definitely going to be relieved if I get an answer finally at the rheumatologist, I'm also just...kinda unsure how I'm going to afford the common things I've heard are helpful for any of this sort of thing.

Are there any assistance programs that don't limit your income (I don't think I'd qualify for any federal disability programs though, I can work part to almost full time even if its exausting me to the point of just sleeping when I come home. And I don't mind working! But I'd like to work at a less physically demanding job or just work less and still be able to afford my bills), don't ask for your parents income even if you're a dependant (my dad makes just above a lot of them and he's still paycheck to paycheck because his bills also are just enough. And he works overtime. I can't afford to move out still.), and that might be willing to *just* cover like PT or something? I can't pay for that in addition to my other bills, I don't qualify for Medicaid and I can't afford medical insurance right now.

And like, right now I'm also not really...disabled, I don't think. But I don't know honestly, I don't really think of everything as disabling me bc I can wear knee braces for my knees and it get me to pretty much normal most of the time, sometimes I need a cane but I can still do the things when I have it while needing it, things hurt but not enough to where ibuprofen won't help or I can't just ignore it/push through it. And so far despite the fact I'm fucking done with my job/close to quitting bc it's so demanding, I *can* and do still work normally, and I'd be able to work at another place similar for a bit. I wouldn't need closer parking or anything and while I'd like to be able to sit down for a break every so often like I can for the most part now, I don't really need anything that I cant get without having accomodations. Things hurt but they're not enough to be stopping me working basically.

#actuallyautistic #ehlers danlos probably #ehlers danlos #hypermobility ehlers danlos #disability #question mark #like #honestly just. a little help #like insuance even if its shitty for er stuff but pays all but a $20 deducable for meds maybe or $50 even for a drs appointment thats free #or even just cheap as hell. less than $100/mo i could probably work out. maybe.#just. I'll get answers there hopefully but i dont know if ill be able to do anything about them and whats the point if i cant??#like i know the point but sometimes it can feel useless.

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bl00dybat · 23 days

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im ao lonely everyday

i want to get out of my situation so bad i want to make progress i don't want to feel alone anymore ive worked too hard to end up right where ive started again

hahahahhahahaha why wont anything fucking work out we're doing everything right!!!!

partner got fired from a job because of their shitty manager constantly changing shit around gaslighting manipulating piece of shit i was so proud of them and theyve been working so hard to get a job in this shitty area

i just don't understand

i just got this $9.25 part time job im grateful for being able to work and make money but it all feels so pointless when i can barely support myself or anyone else

did we make a mistake moving here? i made good money at my old job but i was with my mom and her constant mental and emotion torment and the job led me to so many breakdowns constantly

i wanted a new start i wanted better opportunities im trying everyday to make something work im not giving up just waiting and waiting and waiting but nothing works

i relapsed with self harm about a week ago and everyday i get graphic intrusive thoughts of me being beat to death for being a failure

i dont want to die i just want something to be okay i want something to take the pain away so badly

weed hardly helps anymore nor does my meds or the daily self care ive become more consistent with

i keep my mindset positive as best as i can but nothing. so much nothing. im more alone than ever and paranoid every second that this is it that i will die without ever having accomplished anything in this life

i just tell myself keep starving and keep going

i cant afford to take food from their kind family when i can hardly afford to pay them back. i dont want them to be mad at me anymore that im restricting. theyre about to help me repair my car and ill have to pay that back i already have so much debt and its crushing me

it all just feels more and more debilitating as the days go on

i want to work harder on my art so when i have transportation i can show my portfolio and get closer to an apprenticeship but my constant back to back depressive episodes leave me feeling insecure in my abilities and i just play games and try to distract

please please somwthing work i want to be a better person i want to be independent and responsible, trustworthy, someone people are proud of

someone I'M proud of

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raggofoof · 2 years

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I have made a big decision. It may not be big for anyonr else but it is for me. I have decided to cancel my gym membership. I have been with this gym for over 2 years probs closer to 3 tbh. I have been gyming since I was 19 (now nearly 25) the only times i stopped was when i lost my job bsck in 2019 ans i couldn't afford it anymore and during covid when the gyms closed. I have always gone to the gym at least 3 times a week and have always enjoyed it. The past 6 months have been hard for me. As much as the gym keeps my mind clear and my body feeling strong the past 6 months i just cant get behind it. I try and go and not enjoy it as much. I feel bad for not wanting to go or not going and it think it's now causing more harm than good. I never thought id ever quit the gym honestly. I have replaced it with exercise i really enjoy and will probably get more out of at this point. Im shocked but also proud of myself for this. It is a massive change for me as i have always been a gym junkie. Like i said tho ik not quitting then doing nothing. I have re started hoop as well as doing pole, i am going to hopefully pick up an extra jump class every other Saturday and my bf says she gets 4 guest passes for her gym a month so the Saturdays im not jumping imma go into her gym with her hopefully. Im hoping that quitting the gym infact makes me move more than less.

I had such a good routine but i havent been going and instead im doing nothing.

New routine is

Monday - 30 min walk with a. This is our day and i dont wanna book anything on it as i literally dont see him during the week.

Tuesday - hoop

Wednesday - jump

Thursday - pole

Friday - rest day but hopefully will go on longer walks whilst we still have day light after work

Saturday - every other i will jump and the alternate days i will either gym with r or do a home workout

Sunday - rest

We have so much gym equipment at home there is no need for the gym now plus im really enjoying the home workout vids which i never thought id say ALSO i plan on getting my own pole so mondays and fridays and Saturdays these are the days i plan on training that when i eventually get the pole.

Yay to new routines and beginnings

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uncloseted · 2 years

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i think i have a shopping addiction?

i use klarna which means i dont have to pay for things until im ready and have the money, and i always pay it off, but i cant stop buying more things and im unable to clear my klarna balance because i keep adding to it

i just paid for a house deposit, and need to save up over a grand to pay first months rent before i move in september, but i cant stop spending

any advice?

First of all, congratulations on paying for a house deposit! That's huge and it's super exciting. In terms of what you can to do curb your impulse spending, there are a few things you can try:

When you think you want to buy something, leave it in your online cart for 24 hours. If you still want it after that time period, then buy it. This is a good approach for two reasons: first, after a "waiting period" a lot of items don't look as attractive, and two, a lot of the time companies will send you a coupon if they see you've left an item in your cart. So if you do want to buy it, it's less expensive than it would have been if you bought it immediately.

Before you buy anything, ask yourself the following questions: Is this purchase going to improve my life in some way? Is this purchase going to make me feel better? Does it help me to meet one of my life goals? Will it simplify my life? How often will I use it? If it's a clothing item, does it go with other things in my closet? Does it fit me?

Before you buy anything, ask yourself if there's a way you could get it for free. If it's a book, movie, TV show, or video game, could you get it from your local library? If it's a clothing item, is there something similar in your closet that you could try to style in a new way, or do you have a friend with a similar item? Maybe you could borrow it from them or swap it for an item that you don't wear.

Put the majority of your money in your savings account, and only have the amount you're willing to spend on non-essential items in your checking account. If you don't have money in your account, you can't impulse buy things you don't need.

Remove your credit/debit/bank information from Klarna and from other places where it's saved. If you have to manually enter all of your information each time you want to make a purchase, you'll be less likely to make impulse purchases.

Block the websites you shop on the most. If you can't get to the website, you can't see things you might want to buy.

Try converting the amount an item is worth to how much work it would take to afford. For example, if you make US minimum wage ($7.25 an hour) a $29 shirt would be worth four hours of work. Putting it into perspective that way can help you to assess whether the item is actually worth it. It can also help to think about spending in the context of your rent- "this shirt if 3% of my rent every month. If I don't buy it, I'm 3% closer to my goal". Our brains aren't great at putting dollar amounts into context, but they're better at understanding if we compare the price to something else.

Identify what emotions you're feeling when you're most tempted to buy things, and then think of other ways you can deal with those emotions. Some people spend money as a way of dealing with stress- if that's you, meditation or deep breathing exercises might be an alternative. If you spend money when you're sad, putting on happy music or a comedy special might work instead. If you spend money because you want novelty, it may help to change other things around you- for example, rearranging your bedroom or changing your phone background and lockscreen. It may sound silly, but so many of our bad habits are an attempt to self-soothe when we're feeling a negative emotion.

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