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venacoeurva · 2 years

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It’s the pinned post, READ IT PLEASE

Commissions can be found here: https://ko-fi.com/venacoeurva/commissions

Non-art posts will be tagged as “not art” and text posts are “vena vents”. Reblogs of my own posts are “Day reblog” blacklist these without quotations if you don’t want to see them.

I’m over 25, bi aro, and dude-esque, I use these w/ queer interchangeably.

Not all content is close to mature or suggestive but I would still prefer you to be 18+

I have anxiety issues and due to the nature of this website I will frequently delete posts. Posts that get too big freak me out, so don't be surprised when I turn off reblogs. I also have memory problems, including short term, bear with me.

I don’t know how to feel about gift art of my OCs quite yet. I’m protective of them given how “fandomized” orig stories/chars ended up. Please use common sense with other’s creations/characters and don't just do things with other peoples' characters/stories without their permission.

I block people into incest and adult/minor pairings, and any others I happen to be skeeved out by as I encounter em. Social media curation, baby

I BLOCK ACCTS THAT LOOK LIKE BOTS. CHANGE YOUR ICONS. REBLOG OR POST SOMETHING.

I block h*rry p*tt*r accounts on sight, yes, even people who put it out there that they don’t like the author and only engage in the fandom.

My art’s not cleared for reposting (REPOSTING =/=REBLOGGING)/tracing/edits/RP/Commercial purposes. If you want to make merch for personal use, still PLEASE ASK ME FIRST if it’s more complex than just printing it on paper and sticking it to your wall. Consider it a “no” until asking me and getting a yes. Please understand how uncomfortable this can be for artists to just DO that without asking (and people have).

That's the main stuff, more info below

Other Rules:

I also block accounts dedicated to reposting (not reblogging) art unless the art is extremely well known, published, or very old.

I block accounts promoting or enabling AI (the current ~trendy~ interpretations of them, not the scientific simulation types)

If I mention a character not present in a post, I censor their name to avoid it ending up in results.

I have VERY limited social energy. Also please don’t just try to small talk.

Also if you try to joke with me and it's not obvious/a very well-known reference there is a chance it'll go completely over my head and I'll just stare at your reply/ask blankly and move on. If it comes off as you being a dick I'll just block you tbh (esp bc a lot of jokeyness on here is playful rudeness toward strangers)

Sometimes I'll block just off bad vibes

I’m critical of sites/companies/brands, including small ones if it warrants criticism, including A_/0/ 3

Don’t be weirdly horny on my art, saying a character looks hot or whatnot is fine, if it’s mature content then go nuts, but I don’t need to hear about what some character needs to do to you.

I’m not your therapist. I cannot stop you from committing suicide or suffering from other severe mental crises and I am not trained to. I will block trauma-dumpers.

l will block if you’re reblogging personal posts for no reason when I forget/can’t turn reblogs off or reblog spamming one of my posts a ton in a row, because reblogging one post a trillion times is just a thing people do now?

I don’t want to be mutuals with anyone under 18 (or 21, more realistically)

If you’re a minor reblogging/liking mature posts (which means you lied about your age to be able to view), I will block you. If you’re a minor leaving horny comments/tags on things, that’s also very uncomfortable and I will block you.

Also don’t ask me to be mutuals, if it happens it happens.

Just because you commissioned me it does not mean we're friends. That's a weird, unrealistic expectation and I'm a very closed off person.

I won’t share donation posts unless it’s vetted by others/via a trusted source.

I know sometimes my art ends up on Amazon, nothing I can do about that.

If you call yourself problematic/proship or call people puritans or fandom cops (or claim fandom critics is purity culture) a bit too unironically and seriously I’m just blocking, man, but frankly, if your main occupation is shipping discourse regardless of stance and you’re older than like 17-20 or beefing with actual children I’m also just blocking you. There’s nuances and neither side likes to work with those and you're too damn old to be making that your main hobby, let alone doing it at all.

#not art

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tygerbug · 1 year

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Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves gives a modern comedic sensibility to its fantasy setting, more Community than Lord of the Rings. You can almost hear the players rolling dice to see how their next plan will play out. Scheme might be more accurate. It's partly a heist film. There's lots of action, and few big laughs but many chuckles. It's a smartly made film which goes for a tone which is difficult to nail, and largely succeeds with it.

The film is just grounded enough that it doesn't break the fourth wall to wink at the audience. But it never shakes the feeling that this is all taking place in 2023, rather than in some forgotten ancient age of giants. Or at least a version of 2023 that has wizards instead of smartphones. This appears to be intentional, an extension of how Dungeons & Dragons is a game played by modern-day people improvising around the kitchen table, who are only in character to the extent that they need to be. This could have felt like a CW TV show, but the film aims higher than that.

There's a hint of an idea here, of Chris Pine starring in something like The Princess Bride. But the script doesn't quite live up to that level of depth and subtext. We land closer to something like a Marvel movie, with Pine playing a snarky rogue who shows that he's a little bit bad by being unpleasant and rude about everything. Pine manages to play this likeably, where a lesser movie star would have failed at it. At times, when the script allows him to, he shows what he would have done with a more serious take on the character. I can imagine a Harrison Ford or Chris Pratt version of this, which in this context wouldn't have worked as well. Pine commits to a performance where we believe he's a good person, and he doesn't.

Hugh Grant (as Forge) similarly uses his aging good looks and charm to make it unclear how trustworthy his character is. It's a nervy, lived-in performance where he uses his entire personality to take over any scene in which he appears.

The filmmakers are John Francis Daley and Jonathan Goldstein, who did not direct Spider-Man Homecoming, but did direct Date Night. Daley costarred on the short-lived series Freaks and Geeks, as a kid who played Dungeons and Dragons. They seem like the ideal team to take on this subject matter, and take it almost seriously. You can feel every plot development clicking into place, and foreshadowed multiple times clearly before it happens, as if they're teaching a screenwriting class. You feel the effort, but the cast perform the material in a casual way which softens the blow. The result is solid enough, and those who wouldn't go to the theater for this will likely stumble across it on streaming television later and have a good time.

Michelle Rodriguez plays Holga, a butch female barbarian with an unusual taste in men. (Bradley Cooper is involved.) She spends much of her screentime beating the hell out of anyone who gets in her way, and the rest exuding the vibe of someone you could have a beer with. The female leads of the film seem queer-coded, although the film also assures us, in no uncertain terms, that they're straight. There is Sophia Lillis (a former Nancy Drew) as the plucky young shape-shifting Tiefling Druid Doric, whose character breaks a few actual D&D rules for convenience. Fast-paced effect scenes of her daring shape-shifting escapes feel rote rather than thrilling, but as a human she has an underdog quality which charms. There's also Daisy Head (yes, daughter of Tony) as the villainous witch Sofina, whose role consists of knowing when to be scary at the right times.

Justice Smith, of Detective Pikachu and Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom, affects a British accent to play the inept sorcerer Simon (there sure are a lot of sorcerers named Simon). In his mid-twenties during filming, he radiates awkward teenage energy instead, though with a casual coolness that keeps it from being irritating. Again, it's easy to imagine a much worse version of these characters, but this cast casually sidestep those problems.

Regé-Jean Page, of Bridgerton, also turns up as Xenk. There is a lot of tension between Xenk and Chris Pine's Edgin, as the two compete onscreen as to whom is more handsome and charismatic. Page makes this seem effortless, while Pine spends his time complaining. That's the joke, though it wears a bit thin, and they missed their chance to end the scene with a hug, as opposed to a handshake.

A scene in a graveyard was originally written as a Monty Python cameo, and is as close as this film gets to that kind of wordplay humor. In practice, and in makeup, it feels more like The Frighteners.

The script cares about its characters and wants them to succeed, and it's easy to imagine a more cynical take on the material, which would have fallen apart pretty quickly. The humor of the piece is entirely set in its world and plays by that world's rules. The characters have 2023 attitudes, but it's an alternate 2023 where they grew up in this realm. It's not humor which mocks or pokes at the setting, or stands apart from it. Instead they commit to existing in this world, a world which has established rules. If this is a D&D game, we see only the moments where the players are in character. Visually the film is a nonsense hodgepodge of vaguely fantasy-related design, without a truly consistent visual language, but this also can be forgiven as it suits the tone of the film, and the bright visuals are up to standard otherwise.

The characters from the 80s Dungeons and Dragons cartoon have an extended cameo as background characters, and the film is full of other such odds and ends. The toyline includes a Beholder, which is not in the film but may have been in earlier drafts.

In a move which shows how soulless these corporations are, Forgotten Realms creator Ed Greenwood is not credited at all.

Otherwise this is a solid adventure which captures the essence of Dungeons & Dragons in a clever and charming way.

Rating: Fresh / Recommended

(seen in theaters)

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spaceyflowers · 2 years

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stuff about latest lookism chapters (390-398)

ok i finally caught up. originally i was just planning to read along with the webtoon but its kinda behind from the latest updates and i am.. so tired of trying to avoid spoilers 😭😭😭

here are some thoughts i wanna say !

-magami is my poor little meow meow and i love him with all my heart (more thoughts on him here <3)

-doo's character development 💪 his bromance with ryuhei was pretty sweet too <3

-i thought yall were joking when yall said ryuhei's backstory for liking mitsuki was "my dick dont work but when youre around it does [lip bite]" but it was real. holy shit.

-his romance with mitsuki was ok btw. im glad it was somewhat expanded outside of "you make my dick not broken ❤️" but i still dont think he had enough of a reason to like mitsuki so much he'd lay his life down for her. all he liked were little surface level details about her ?? 😭 ("she smiles at even little things you do for her" ok bro..)

-but idk maybe surface level attraction is all he needs to feel ready to do Anything for someone which is... just sad. either way he and mitsuki should not become a couple 💀

-w.... why is cap guy obsessed with strong guys

-i hate tom lee. seriously. i dont want to see anymore of him and his creepy ass "danglers" thing.

-BIG DEAL IS HAPPY AND REUNITED EXCEPT FOR SAMUEL AAGGGRRHGHGG 💔💔💔💔💔💔

-SO HAPPY FOR WARREN AND SALLY <33

-PTJ WHEN WILL CHEONGLIANG ARC COME OUT I WANT TO SEE VIN JIN AND MARY'S BACKSTORIES AND HAVE MC PESITCIDES BE RELEVANT AGAIN. ALSO FINDING OUT WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED WITH THE MURDER VIN JIN APPARENTLY COMMITTED

-i just want more family agendas to sob over ok. cheongliang fam looks like a tragedy story i want to know what happened

-gun is such a freak <3 and i still wonder what the hell went thru his mind when he put on that hideous fit

-i pray for little and big daniel's survivals from their own personal hells

-also praying for zack and whatever the hell he's gonna go thru with that "crazy monk" 😭 ??? i also really hope this is the last act in his inferiority complex character arc thing bc i feel like it's been dragging on for too long 💔

-for zack's part, too; was absolutely wild seeing characters (cho ma and daegong ji) we havent seen since lookism was actually about lookism and not gang wars lmao

-what did eugene mean by hes gonna bring xiaolung back. my mans got his legs broken by jake. whatre yall gonna do, give him some batshit leg surgery to fix him up????? (im pretty sure its implied jake broke his legs beyond repair ?? or like. are u telling me a few months have passed and xiaolung is perfectly healed and ready to fight ?)

-jinyoung is a freak but him crying over that flashback with him and gapryong arm wrestling as they had fun bantering... i guess they did have a genuine bromance? what were gapryong's goals exactly?

-wonder how the mystery (?) with gapryong's death and jake's older bro is gonna all unfold

-lua im is ...... something! (more thoughts on my post about her here)

-i still hate johan's new haircut

-ALSO I HOPE ELI AND HOSTEL/RUNAWAY FAM STAY SAFE...... cool to see manager kim again tho 😭

afterthoughts

-will crystal be relevant anytime soon. what about her two bodies.

-i still miss jay 😭 his dad is way more involved than him???? youd think maybe jay would be more involved, too, then, but nope hes just gonna stay queer bait ig... no hope for ptj but i still wish jay got to do more with the story than be devoted to daniel bc he has an interesting design/vague backstory to be expanded upon and his dad is literally someone the main character daniel is teaming up with to take down the antagonist like ????!

-sobs.... j high gang... i miss the girls and burn knuckles 💔

-i dont know how to feel about daniel's current character arc. i understand his feelings but i honestly dislike seeing characters say "i dont want to depend on people anymore so im gonna get stronger on my own" 😭😭😭 like sure, hun, but dont leave all your friends behind to go ask an insane person like gun for help ?!

#brainrotting #lookism #i need to catch up on viral hit too lol

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toriasimmons · 2 years

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Oh, hey, it’s been a while since I self-promoted my CBR work. Here are some favorites from the past months.

Agents of SHIELD Should Have Committed to Fitz Being a Villain (this is my anti-Fitz agenda in full swing, inspired by someone else pitching an article about greatest SHIELD betrayals and not mentioning Fitz on the list despite the fact that he threw everyone into a digital dystopia, killed several people, tortured his friends, and constantly lied to the woman he claimed to love)

Agents of SHIELD's Most Tragic Character Never Had a Chance (this is my pro-Kara Palamas agenda in full swing, inspired by someone else pitching an article about most dark/scary storylines and not mentioning Kara on the list despite the fact that she was 100% in a dark/scary nightmare)

My Little Pony: A New Generation Is Just as Progressive as the Rest of Canon (hot take, I loved the new MLP movie, and here’s why)

Twilight: Breaking Dawn's Surprise Battle Is Deceptively Brilliant (this movie is hilarious and this battle is hilarious and that is the end of that)

Guardians of the Galaxy's Most Tragic Character Got Justice - on CBS's Elementary (in my humble opinion, Kitty Winter was karmic justice for Carina, and this is how)

True Blood: The Truth Behind Its Vampires' Many Origins (this was edited by an editor who took out some of my favorite anecdotes but I still love it because I love talking about True Blood)

Twilight: How Each Cullen Family Member Became a Vampire (there’s the Twilight equivalent, which is still pretty interesting)

Black Widow Isn't Subtle - and That's a Good Thing (essentially, Black Widow was full of “we are not things” energy, and I wanted to talk about it)

The Fast & Furious Franchise Still Has One Big Character Who Should Return (#justiceandscreentimeforsuki2k21)

Rendering the Pre-Disney+ Marvel TV Shows Non-Canon Is a Problem (when the shows are great they’re really great and they’re also waaaaay more diverse than the films, and you can’t just be like “our first ___ hero” on TV and then pretend that didn’t happen and get accolades for your first ___ hero in the movies but there’s already been one and they deserve credit)

In the Heights' Film Adaptation Gracefully Adds Queer Representation (the non-slangy version of me talking about this, because holy shit it made me happy)

Inhumans: Crystal Amaquelin Was Actually Pretty Great (#justiceforcrystalamaquelin2kforever)

Elementary: Sherlock and Joan's Relationship Is Unique and Powerful (this is exactly what it says on the tin)

True Blood: How the Show Saved and Destroyed Tara Thornton (this is my pro-Tara Thornton agenda in full swing, inspired by someone else pitching an article that wanked Bill off and talked about how he was so tragic and mishandled and like... no, you are not allowed to say that when Tara exists [not to mention all of the other female characters])

Falcon and Winter Soldier: Karli and Other Female Villains Deserve Ghost's Treatment (REDEEM WOMEN LIKE YOU REDEEM MEN)

Falcon and Winter Soldier Had a Chance to Do Right by Sharon - and Failed Miserably (making Sharon a surprise villain FUCKING SUCKS)

Star Wars' SILLIEST Detail May Be the Ballet From Revenge of the Sith (Squid Lake. Squid freaking Lake.)

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kaypeace21 · 3 years

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Rebel Robin podcast (ep 3 &4 analysis)

For those who haven’t read them yet. Here’s the analysis for podcast ep 1&2. Analysis of Rebel Robin book-here. And eastereggs from rebel robin novel- here.

So the main things I noticed in ep 3 was how Robin spying was shown as a huge NEGATIVE-and Mr Hauser got upset over her doing so. Robin listens to mr. Hauser’s phone call (like Karen with Mike in s3/ us gov spying on calls in s1) & on a different occasion Robin also eavesdrops on a private convo he is having with someone else in his classroom ( like El spying on Mike talking to Lucas in s3). And when he finds out about this he tells her how wrong it was to spy on other people like that. In the past, I also talked about how the theme of spying is shown for many other st characters ( in the show) and how it isn’t romanticized like people think it is- here .

Anyways , Ep 3 ends with a call from a h*mophobic teen( Dash) telling Robin to “stay away” from Mr. Hauser cause he’s “dangerous”. Why he thinks he’s dangerous is solely for the fact he’s gay.I think this theme may come into play in s4 Hawkins (in relation to the satanic panic). In ep 4 Robin jokes to (gay) Mr. Hauser : “ So what are you into... satanism?” (Sadly most queer people have been told over and over we’re going to hell for being gay/lgbt+. it’s sadly an almost universal experience.) For those unaware- the ‘satanic panic’ was a right wing christian movement in the 80′s that WRONGLY associated certain things with supposed satanism. Just some of the many things they demonized : rock music , stephen king , wearing black, horror/fantasy media, and of course queer people and d&d (hellfire club - the name is a a xmen ref but in the show it’s probably an inside joke about the satanic panic and people being scared of d&d). We see foreshadowing of the satanic panic hinted in s3 (in relation to d&d)- on tv the narrator asks if “satanism” (pans to d&d set) is to blame for the odd occurrances in Hawkins. And given how the s4 el-trailer had the clock say 3:00am for the “witching hour” also called “the devil’s hour” since it’s supposed to be a subversion of jesus dy*ing at 3:00 pm. And the possibility s4 may take place around Easter. I think we’ll see that religious (Christian) extre*sm causes many people in Hawkins to interpret the supernatural as ‘satanic’. And no , I’m obviously not talking poorly about all religious/christian people).

After this Mr. Hauser jokes how Hawkins is like “lord of the flies” and how he “worries” what would happen if teens were left to their own devices-like in the book. The themes in the book mostly focus on the dangers of ‘mob mentality’ and how human beings can become v*olent and turn on each other- if the safety of civilization disappears...

This I believe is foreshadowing - i mentioned in a post a while back (here). How movies on the s4 list had the theme of : a supernatural event indirectly causing towns people to act irrationally and turn on eachother v*olently. Despite literal monsters attacking them from outside (they chose to turn on eachother instead). In the end some townspeople become the real monsters via mob mentality/v*oence/false witch hunts (the mist, the birds, etc). In ‘the birds’ (while people are hidding in a store)- they wrongly blame certain characters for the supernatural chaos. Similarly, in ‘the mist’ (crowd of townspeople are trapped in a store) and some start interpreting the monsters as being sent as punishment by god- some town’s people start quoting the bible and saying the only way to stop the punishment is to start “sacrificing the s*nners and nonbelievers”. BIG YIKES.ST references mapple street (where the wheelers and sinclairs live). It’s based on the twilight zone ep of the same name “The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street” .The ‘monsters’ of that episode -were the townspeople turning on eachother because they incorrectly think their own neighbors are part of an invading supernatural army. The enemy was actually the paranoia/mob mentality-not the supernatural force they feared. And yes i do think this concept is linked with 80s satanic panic and will cause some town division/obstacles for our heroes to deal with . **I also think the s4 bts of the Hawkins blood clinic-may be used to show h*mophobia (linked to satanic panic) in the town. Like in one s4 movie “paradise lost”the punk rock boys who were into black clothes, rock music , horror/stephen king books- were accused by the town’s people of being gay AND have demonic powers that are k*lling fellow town’s people.

Mr Hauser says he thinks steve Harrington is Ralph from lord of the flies. And Robin disagrees saying he’s Jack. Personally- since this was when Robin didn’t know/hated Steve. I think Mr hauser is right that Steve is Ralph (one of the oldest boys) who’s “commitment to civilization and morality is strong”. But Jack (perhaps the popular s4 kid Jake?) and his savage crew take control of the group and start trying to attack Ralph and his friends (steve’s crew- over satanic panic?). How this begins is -

Jack, torments Ralph and others. And some kids begin to develop savage personalities, after someone claims to have seen a Beast (demongorgan?) in the woods. This creates fear among the boys, which allows Jack to access more power.Ralph gets into an argument with Jack, who splits from the tribe. Many of the other boys follow Jack, who uses fear to manipulate the boys into leaving Ralph. And Jack’s crew begin attacking Ralph and his friends.

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Ok, next topic of ep 4- the sentimental part of my brain got emotional when hearing how upset Robin was. And than Mr Hauser-telling her she’s wrong and she’s not “broken” or “rotten” and “nothing about her needs to be fixed’” (got me right in the feels) . As a queer person- I feel like every lgbt+ kid/teen needs to hear what Mr. Hauser said to Robin.

However, the analytical part of my brain -did notice some easterggs/ series parallels.

The convo starts with them talking about music Mr hauser likes (such as Bowie). And transitions to Mr Haauser asking about things she likes, whether she’s being bullied, and he later tells her “ DON’T let other people’s small mindedness make you fell bad about yourself. you don’t need to change yourself-no matter what anyone else says” . And Mr Hauser than says him calling her the “weirdest girl in Hawkins” was a compliment (not an insult-like she initially assumed).

This is remarkably similar to certain scenes in s1/2. In s1, Jonathan mentions musicians he likes such as Bowie, asks Will about what he likes, and tells Will “don't like things cause people tell you you’re supposed to-especially not him (their dad who called him h*mophobic names)” . In s2, Jonathan tries to cheer Will up after asking if he's being being bullied. And calls Will “a freak” (and says it’s a good thing) and he should be content with being a “freak “ and compares Will to Bowie ( who was openly queer since the 70s) .

In ep 4, Robin also mentions how sad she is that her parents won’t let her ride her bike anymore cause their paranoid about her safety (like what happened to Will in s2).

Robin (before Mr. Hauser comforts her) says she feels like she has a “rot” inside her . This is a s2 eastergg that could be linked to either Will or El. Will says his now-memories are “growing”, spreading”, and killing.” Later Kali says the emotional pain caused by her father caused a “wound” to “spread”. Later allusion-Brenner tells El she has a “terrible wound “ (“a rot”) that Will “grow, spread, and kill.”

The reason Robin rants about feeling like she has a “rot” inside her is because she’s being bullied, and lost all her Hawkins friends and says “maybe I’m broken maybe there is just something about me that drives people away? I’m the only common denominator-there’s something wrong with me! There’s something inside of me that’s just rotten and there’s nothing i can do to fix it”. Which 1)-poor Robin. 2) I feel like could easily be How Will feels in s4(who will be the same age as Robin is here in the podcast)- his dad abandoned him, all his hawkins friends are gone , the st s4 movies have h*mophobic bullying in them (and he was bullied in the past). In a interview Noah said Will in s4 “doesn’t really get along with people-it’s just him and Mike.” I think it fits more so with Will than El . But they may feel similar: it’s implied in s4 audition tapes she’ll be bullied too, she moved away from her friends, and her father (Hopper) fake “passed away.” It could easily be how both Will and El feel in s4- that there is something “broken”/ “rotten” about them . In fact, in the rebel Robin novel there is even a character named Sheena. Sheena reminds me a bit of a mix between Will and el . She is very quiet, queercoded, and is often bullied. And she finds mean notes and other things stuffed in her locker- placed there by bullies. A bit like how Will found the zombie-boy note in his locker. A teacher doesn’t stop her bullying just blames her and says “ This wouldn’t happen if you made it just a smidgen easier for PEOPLE to understand you.”(sort of reminding me of that Noah quote about s4 Will not getting along with most people/Jonathan saying not to change himself cause “people” say to). But sheena can be another name for Jane (there was also a 80s show character named Sheena who was psychic) so ...maybe foreshadowing of el/jane being bullied in highschool? Along with Will?

*It’s not a eastergg/parallel...just speculation. Unlike the rebel robin book... in the podcast (in multiple episodes) almost every time she opens up to Mr Hauser about her problems she says it’s ok for him to do the same and she’ll be supportive and listen. However, Mr Hauser (so far) always rejects her offer-much to her hurt/frustration. In ep 4, she asks if he has someone his “own age” he can talk to about his problems-which he says he does. Now... since in ep 4 Mr hauser is paralleled to Jonathan maybe Jonathan will have someone his own age to talk to about his problems (maybe his new friend Argyle?) We see similar to Mr Hauser giving advice/pep talks to (gay) Robin. Jonathan is always giving advice/peptalks to our (gay-coded) Will. But so far- Jonathan has no one he really emotionally leaned on in the same way (Will does with Jonathan). I also wonder if Will in s4 starts gets tired of how he always confides in Jonathan (but Jonathan never does the same with Will in return)? Like Robin with Mr. Hauser?

#robin buckley #steve harrington #will byers #el hopper #jonathan byers #stranger things #stranger things theory

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amispnrewatch · 3 years

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SPN 1x06 “Skin”

Okay, I’m gonna try to type while I watch this time instead of forgetting this blog exists until the episode is almost over.

You can tell the footage for the previously on segment was saved on a VHS copy instead of the original film that the show was shot with because even in the HD iTunes version I have it looks low quality as fuck. And jumpy in the way that brings me back to my teens watching the WB all the damn time.

I love this song. WTF is this song. Shazam says “Good Deal” by Mommy and Daddy. I… have no comment, except that it sounds like everything I was listening to in college at the time this shit was airing.

Aaaaand not!Dean turns around to face the SWAT team after obviously torturing some woman. THAT is a cold open.

I wanna know what that car is in the background. It’s pretty. Maybe a convertible Impala? They have similar grills. This is not at all important.

Also, I love that with these higher definition versions of the episodes you can see that Sam’s email is lawboy and whatever dot com and that people in the fandom have started calling him Law Boy. It’s hilarious.

DEAN: Well, what exactly do you tell ‘em? You know, about where you’ve been, what you’ve been doin’?

SAM: I tell ‘em I’m on a road trip with my big brother. I tell ‘em I needed some time off after Jess.

DEAN: Oh, so you lie to ‘em.

SAM: No. I just don’t tell ‘em….everything.

DEAN: Yeah, that’s called lying. I mean, hey, man, I get it, tellin’ the truth is far worse.

SAM: So, what am I supposed to do, just cut everybody out of my life? (DEAN shrugs.) You’re serious?

DEAN: Look, it sucks, but in a job like this, you can’t get close to people, period.

Aaaaand now I have Dean and Cassie feelings again and we haven’t even gotten to her episode yet.

SAM: No, man, I know Zack. He’s no killer.

DEAN: Well, maybe you know Zack as well as he knows you.

Aaaaaand now I have Dean and Lee feelings and we’re nowhere near Lee’s episode in season 15.

YOU JUST BLEW THROUGH A STOP SIGN DEAN WTF.

Little Becky. Oi with the reusing of names.

Of course Sam made friends with a bunch of rich kids while he was at college in a desperate attempt to try to be normal.

SAM: You know, maybe we could see the crime scene. Zack’s house.

DEAN: We could.

REBECCA: Why? I mean, what could you do?

SAM: Well, me, not much. But Dean’s a cop. (DEAN laughs.)

DEAN: Detective, actually.

I love that Dean was like “how dare you call me that.”

Okay, after a bit of research, I totally want to take a day trip to Bisbee, Arizona, but it’s already in the 90s here in the desert and it’s not even May so that trip is going to have to wait until… winter or something. There is no way in hell I’m going deeper into the desert when the weather gets hotter.

It’s a historic mining town tourist trap looking place now which is exactly the kind of shit I love.

SAM: Bec, look, I know Zack didn’t do this. Now, we have to find a way to prove that he’s innocent.

I mean, not technically, technically you would 1) NOT FUCK WITH A MURDER INVESTIGATION YOU’RE NOT LEGALLY INVOLVED IN BECAUSE ANYTHING YOU FIND WOULD BE INADMISSABLE IN COURT 2) find evidence to provide a reasonable doubt for the jury that he did commit the crime. You know, like a lawyer would need to do, Law Boy.

DEAN: I just don’t think this is our kind of problem.

When I made my husband watch this show with me (he’s seen it all at least once now over the years) this is the recurring thing that drove him crazy.

You guys can’t even go in through the back door? Or shut the front door behind you? Really?

REBECCA: (tearfully) Well, there’s no sign of a break-in. They say that Emily let her attacker in.

Yeah, that doesn’t even really mean that she knew her attacker. Just that it was someone she let her guard down around or got in some other way. See: The Son of Sam and Nightstalker, etc.

Love the pinup magnet on the fridge. I’d throw shade at that, but I have a pinup magnet on my fridge too so… pot kettle and all that.

Okay, both people in the next couple are gorgeous.

And oh wow those special effects changing eyes… wow.

This poor couple. I feel so bad for them in this episode.

How… how are the police gonna explain the way he was able to beat himself over the head with a bat??? I…

I love that 5:30 in the morning on TV is clearly like… 10 AM.

Okay, this is a really unrelated point, but the graffiti on the dumpster here reminds me of the Teen Wolf fandoms use of the name Void!Stiles when Stiles Stilinski was possessed by a Nogitsune… I just spent way too long digging through YouTube and my Tumblr tags from back when those episodes were airing looking for a few specific videos and couldn’t find them. The TL;DR reason I bring it up here is goofball, bi-coded main character guy getting possessed by an entity set on destroying the people he loves. SOUNDS LIKE THIS EPISODE AND A WHOLE LOT OF SPN RIGHT. I love that all these monster hunting shows call out to each other.

This scene haunts me years later and I don’t even WATCH Teen Wolf. I just watched the fandom on Tumblr collectively lose it’s shit then tripped down a Hale Pack fanfiction rabbit hole.

ANYWAY

Back to Supernatural, a show that also treated its fan base, cast, and characters like garbage! Huzzah!

DEAN: Well, there’s another way to go—down. (They look down and notice a manhole.)

I’m gonna be mature and ignore the double entendre there…

But I love that Dean thinks of the world in 3D. Which sounds like a dumb statement to make, but this is honestly a good example of that in action.

SAM: I bet this runs right by Zack’s house, too.

Really Sam, sewers run by houses? SO WEIRD. I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED.

DEAN: You know, I just had a sick thought. When the shapeshifter changes shape—maybe it sheds.

SAM: That is sick. (DEAN puts the bloody pile back on the ground.)

Guys, there is a WHOLE ASS EAR in that pile of yuck you’re looking at. I think it’s pretty safe to assume the shapeshifter indeed sheds its skin like a snake. A much… gooier snake.

Sam’s friend is rightfully pissed at him for fucking with the crime scene.

This is before the pearl gripped guns?! Wow. I never noticed that before.

Also, this whole episode gives me feelings.

++++

Cool. Tumblr mobile ate a whole section of my notes on this when it crashed for NO APPARENT REASON. Love that.

It always boggles my mind that actors can trust the people they’re working with enough to let people “tie” ropes around their neck or put them in actually dangerous positions in a scene.

SHAPESHIFTER: He’s sure got issues with you. You got to go to college. He had to stay home. I mean, I had to stay home. With Dad. You don’t think I had dreams of my own? But Dad needed me. Where the hell were you?

SAM: Where is my brother? (The shapeshifter leans in close to SAM.)

SHAPESHIFTER: I am your brother. See, deep down, I’m just jealous. You got friends. You could have a life. Me? I know I’m a freak. And sooner or later, everybody’s gonna leave me. (He backs away.)

SAM: What are you talkin’ about?

SHAPESHIFTER: You left. Hell, I did everything Dad asked me to, and he ditched me, too. No explanation, nothin’, just poof. Left me with your sorry ass. But, still, this life? It’s not without its perks. (He laughs.) I meet the nicest people. Like little Becky. You know, Dean would bang her if he had the chance. Let’s see what happens. (He smiles and covers SAM with a sheet.)

This exchange is just… so much. So many feelings. And I will forever (unless we magically get a fix-it fic mini season someday…) be SO MAD that none of this got resolved in that pointless, trash heap of a finale.

REBECCA: Okay, so, this thing—it can make itself look like anybody?

SHAPESHIFTER: That’s right. (She chuckles.)

REBECCA: Well, what is it, like a genetic freak? (The shapeshifter laughs.)

SHAPESHIFTER: Maybe. Evolution is about mutation, right? So, maybe this thing was born human but was different. Hideous and hated. Until he learned to become someone else. (REBECCA looks around, uncomfortable. The shapeshifter’s eyes glint silver, and he smiles.)

It always amazes me how much of this show is a pile of accidental queer allegories parading around in an ill-fitting toxic masculinity suit.

Vulcan mind meld! I love nerd!Dean. Also, I’m rewatching Star Trek: TOS with my husband, because that is what my life amounts to these days, rewatching comfort TV and flailing over the bits I love.

This post does a better job than I can do of pairing up screen caps with the dialogue of this next scene. SIX EPISODES IN. They’re dumping all of this character depth SIX EPISODES IN. FUCK THIS SHOW FOR NOT EMBRACING ITSELF.

Okay, I love that he screams back in her face after he threw the phone. It’s not something to laugh at because the situation is horrifying, but I can’t help laughing at it every time.

AND THE WAY THEY CUT THESE SCENES. Going from him winding his hand back to backslap her directly to him dropping the chains on the table to show how hard he must have hit her without actually making the actors hit each other. Good job editing department!

I… don’t understand the shifter’s motivation for killing people. If he can take over people’s identities without killing them, why kill them? Is it just because he’s a homicidal, rapist piece of shit? Cause that’s all it seems like.

How did the SWAT team even know she was being attacked? Why can the snipers aim no better than Storm Troopers?

Ugh, these kind of transformation body horror scenes are exactly why werewolf stories have never really appealed to me much. Like, I could do without watching your ribs move and teeth fall out, dude.

BUT.

THIS FUCKING SCENE.

I looked up the song that’s playing over shapeshifter!Dean being caught by the SWAT team and then going through the grotesque transformation. (And as far as I know, the iTunes version has the original music from the episodes.)

It’s a song called “Mary” by The Death Riders

Who's your mother, who's your mother here boy // Who's your mother, whos your mommy dear // Who's your father, who's your father here boy // Who's your father, who's your daddy dear

Silently screaming // Where everyone knows // Daddy's always watchin' // Where everywhere - everywhere I go

I don't wanna be a freak show pretty boy anymore // I don't wanna be a full time slave // I don't wanna be your midnight cowboy anymore // I just want to be Mary

This is… a fascinating choice. Here are the rest of the lyrics. The song as a whole has a weird incesty kinda vibe to it? Kinda like when SPN tries to straight-wash itself and misses the mark wildly. (Like Dean’s male siren episode.)

The midnight cowboy line reminded me of 12x11 and the bull riding scene with “Broomstick Cowboy” by Bobby Goldsboro playing over it

Dream on, little Broomstick Cowboy, // Dream while you can; // Of big green frogs, // And puppy dogs, // And castles in the sand.

For, all too soon you'll awaken; // Your toys will all be gone. // Your broomstick horse will ride away, // To find another home. // And you'll have grown into a man, // With cowboys of your own. // And then you'll have to go to war, // To try and save your home.

And then you'll have to learn to hate; // You'll have to learn to kill. // It's always been that way, my son; // I guess it always will.

Because, you know, why not add tons of feelings into the lyrics, right?

Props to the people who can embrace their rewatches and reclamations of the show with ease. Because every episode seems to remind me of how hollow and tragic Dean’s ending was and I just… struggle all over again.

Anyway, back to the episode so I can move on with my day.

REPORTER: An anonymous tip led police to a home in the Central West End, where a S.W.A.T team discovered a local woman bound and gagged. Her attacker, a white male, approximately twenty-four to thirty years of age, was discovered hiding in her home. (A sketch of DEAN appears on the screen.)

DEAN: Man! That’s not even a good picture. (SAM looks around cautiously.)

SAM: It’s good enough. (He walks away.)

DEAN: Man! (He follows SAM.)

(CUT TO: Alley. DEAN and SAM are walking. DEAN steps into a puddle.)

DEAN: Ugh, come on.

I love that we get two tiny little back-to-back vanity moments for Dean here. One commenting on the sketch artist rendition of him being broadcasted on the news and the other tripping in the puddle. There is literally someone running around the city trying to kill people while wearing Dean’s face, but Dean is still concerned with how he looks appears to others. He’s still concerned with keeping up his own performance. The shifter left him with just a t-shirt, so he doesn’t even have his usual comfort layers on and at any moment someone could spot him and call the police or try to kill him for assaulting Sam’s friend. His life is wildly out of control in that moment and the only thing he can try to focus on is his appearance (something semi-controllable) and finding the shifter before any of that other shit can happen.

One day I want to put together a like top 10 episodes focusing on / explaining each TFW character from the series. Like the kind of list you could show someone who’s never seen the show, but has OPINIONS about the characters (or who hasn’t seen the whole show and seen the growth they went through… you know, like the people responsible for the travesty of 15x20). This episode would be on that list. I’m not sure how I could manage to make a list of only 10 episodes to understand Dean Winchester by, but eh.

SAM: What are you gonna do to me?

SHAPESHIFTER: Oh, I’m not gonna do anything. Dean will, though.

SAM: They’ll never catch him.

SHAPESHIFTER: Oh, doesn’t matter. Murder in the first of his own brother? He’ll be hunted the rest of his life. (He picks up a sharp knife and examines it.)

Speaking of season 15 in general, this right here. This was Chuck’s villain story arc thesis statement. AND THEY DROPPED THE GODDAMN BALL WITH IT. I think that’s the thing that honestly pisses me off the most these days (about 5 1/2 months from when the finale aired) is that they tried making the whole thing a tragedy but did such an awful job with it that it just ended up like a deflating condom balloon at a dive bar concert. Disappointing and gross. The finale for season 14 set them up SO FUCKING WELL and it just… didn’t get there.

Becky’s parents are gonna be pissed at how torn up their house is after all this shit…

And you’re not shooting him when you first see him strangling Sam because…?????

I like that he took the necklace back. Also, is this kinda Dean death number .5 of the show? Like it wasn’t him but it was also kinda him. Eh.

At least they left the windshield on Baby this time. Reflections are better than tearing her apart.

#SPN 1x06 #amispnrewatch #reclaiming spn #performing!dean #lawboy #bi!dean #dean x cassie #dean x lee #stiles stilinski #void!stiles #teen wolf #dean deserved better

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stargazetheseries · 3 years

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OPEN CASTING CALL FOR STARGAZE: “THE PILOT” EPISODE & TRAILER VISIT: https://stargazetheseries.com/casting-call/ FOR DETAILS OR READ BELOW: A Borken Creative Production Sept 27, 2021 STARGAZE is a queer campy sci-fi adventure short-form adventure series intended for OTT. Executive Producers: Jill Golick, Carrie Cutforth Director: Regan Latimer Writer: Carrie Cutforth Union: ACTRA TORONTO (NEW MEDIA) Shoot: The pilot will begin shooting for 5 to 6 days between October 25-Nov 17th, 2021 Location: Toronto STORYLINE: A disparate group of rookie oddballs join an elite squad commissioned to save the Queerverse (from itself) only to discover the STARGAZE program is a sham make-work initiative to keep the crew from rocking the boat by sending them out on a fool’s quest (led by two elder queer chaperones who despise each other). Think: A 2SLGBTQIA+ The Facts Of Life meets The Breakfast Club in space! *BIPOC STRONGLY ENCOURAGED TO APPLY **MUST BE 18+ TO SUBMIT EVEN IF CHARACTER IS LISTED AS YOUNGER THE STARTGAZE RECRUITS: SAF RON (she/her): Character is 20, cisgender woman, lesbian, open to all ethnicities; some physical comedy required. LEAD. Mad as hell and not going to take it anymore, Saf joins STARGAZE with high expectations. If the adults won’t save the day, she will… and finally get the credit she deserves! But can this lone wolf learn to connect with others, stop being a control freak, relax her unreasonably high expectations of others (and herself), and step into the leadership role for which she is destined? First, she’ll have to stop seeing anyone getting in her way as a mustache-twirling villain, learn to see her crewmates’ value, accept help, and open herself up vulnerably. Gets apoplectic when mad; Has a knack for creating very convoluted protest chants that no one can follow. WHIT SPRINKLES (he/him): Character is 19, cisgender man, gay, open to all ethnicities. Must be able to walk elegantly in high heels. LEAD. A social media influencer famous for his snarky and bitter ’reads,’ charismatic Whit has developed a parasocial relationship with his stans. Living life performing in the spotlight from a very young age, Whit has no idea who he really is, what his real interests are, or his beliefs outside of what his analytics tell him: “My fans are gonna love this!” Only joining STARGAZE under pressure from his stans, his inability to forge true intimate connections is exacerbated by his relationship with his mother/manager Mumsy Sprinkles, a talentless hack/narcissistic stage mother living her dreams through her kid. If Whit was a meme he would be: ‘Bitch, I dun give a fuck!’ But he does, indeed, give a fuck. ESSA T. HATCH (they/them): Character is 18, non-binary or agender, asexual, demiromantic, neurodivergent, open to all ethnicities. LEAD. Adorkable Essa is an introvert who doesn’t really ‘get’ people. The explorer among the crew with an engineering mind and a love of mapping places and spaces, they know every nook and cranny of the ship and are usually the first to forge ahead (i.e. wander off) on every expedition. Essa mostly wants to be left alone to their own devices because they actually prefer their own company (neurotypicals can be so exhausting!). This normally wouldn’t be such a problem except Essa was pressured to join STARGAZE to make friends and widen their social net out of parental concern (‘We won’t be around forever, Essa!’). Loves to knit, make Venn diagrams of relationships; speaks in emojis when emotionally drained. LEW D’SHUS (he/him): Character is 21, transgender man or transmasculine, pansexual, open to all ethnicities. LEAD. When babelicious Lew looks at you with his rapt attention and dreamy eyes, you feel like the only person in the ‘verse until his short attention span snaps away and he forgets you’re there. “Good vibes, only!” Lew will gladly give you your Tarot card reading, but not before taking the negative cards out first. With his strict ‘the universe is love, we are love,’ mantra, Lew never wants anyone to feel bad even when they are deadass wrong! His philosophy of

appeasement can cause conflict amongst the crew and his inability to take sides in crucial moments will often put them in danger. No, we cannot just hug everything out, Lew! CHRYSTRAH SNU (she/her): Character is 17 (must be 18+ to apply), cis-gender woman, identifies as ‘queer’ but just figuring it all out. LEAD. Chrystrah is a fresh-off-the-belt queer who has arrived with big expectations: ‘I’m here, I’m queer! Direct me to my spot on the rainbow carpet!’ The trauma of her homophobic upbringing has left Chrystrah without any real sense of self; her identity loosely held together like a fragile cracked egg. Any criticism, no matter how gentle, feels like an attack, causing Chrystrah to act abrasive, territorial, and defensive. She is always overcompensating in big bombastic ways because she feels so inadequate for not knowing the right words, behaviours, and codes. She is jealous of Saf (some might say obsessed) who does seem to get it all right. Fiercely loyal, Chrystrah is the first to run headlong into danger to save someone. She has a steep learning curve ahead. THE ELDER QUEER CHAPERONES: BAE TORGA (she/her): Character is late 30’s-early 40’s, cisgender woman, bisexual, bipolar, open to all ethnicities. PRINCIPAL. A war hero (or war criminal depending on who you ask), Bae sees STARGAZE as an opportunity to redeem herself in the eyes of former mentor and friend Oracle Cain. She is someone who struggles with self-loathing and self-doubt even though she’s spent her adulthood righting her past wrongs and reining in her bipolar disorder, which contributed to her past rash and reckless mistakes. Possessing a tough, gruff demeanor, Bae is outwardly sardonic but really a bleeding heart who holds back out of fear that any demonstration of affection and empathy will be seen as a commitment. ORACLE CAIN (she/her): Character is middle-aged or older, transgender woman, ambulatory wheelchair user or wheelchair user, open to all ethnicities. *Note, as this is sci-fi, younger than middle age may apply. PRINCIPAL. A founding figure of the Queerverse, Oracle has done her service, done her duty, and now she’s done. She wants a peaceful existence to guard her limited energy and manage her physical pain. Instead, she’s pulled out of retirement to command a ship full of bickering youths. She also has to contend with spoiled brat and former colleague Bae reminding her of the past that Oracle is trying hard to forget. But duty is duty and it’s not like complaining ever got her anywhere. Talking to Oracle can feel like playing a chess game where the aloof commander is always five steps ahead: you never quite know where you stand with her. ADDITIONAL CHARACTERS ELP WHIPP (they/them or xe/xem): Character is middle-aged or older, gender-fluid, open to all ethnicities. Leader of the coalition of non-profit planets (each with its own conflicting Gay Agenda) that rule the Queerverse, Elp Whipp is a career bureaucrat/bean-counter who often gets caught in the trappings of their own political web — meaning much of nothing ever gets accomplished and progress is never made. Elp will appear throughout the series in that ‘Dean of the school’ role, occasionally showing up to demand overdue reports, warn the crew that their funding is at risk, and generally throw a wrench in the works. CARDIGAN JACK (she/her): Character is 30s, cis-woman, lesbian, open to all ethnicities. Cardigan Jack is a ‘pussy-hat’ wearing neo-liberalist feminist with a pirate vibe. She is the ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ of TERFs, and Saf Ron’s nemesis. TO SUBMIT: Borken Creative is committed to diverse and inclusive casting. For every role, please submit qualified performers without regard to disability, race, age, colour, sexual orientation or gender identity, or any other basis prohibited by law, unless otherwise specifically indicated, subject to legitimate casting directives. DEADLINE: Oct 8, 2021 EMAIL: [email protected]. SUBJECT LINE: Character(s) Role, Performer’s First and Last Name, pronouns. BODY OF EMAIL: Please provide contact info including phone number.

Please confirm you are 18 or over in the body of email if applying for a Stargaze recruit character. Submit headshot and resume as attachments to [email protected]. Resume should be in a scannable text file format (such as .doc, .pdf, .txt). First round selects will be invited to submit either a video clip audition or zoom audition invite. Only successful candidates will be contacted.

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#lgbtq #lbtqia #lgbtqplus #queer sci fi #casting call #auditions

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bibiana112 · 3 years

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aoi and/or akane for the headcanon thing?

Them!! Aight, Imma start with Aoi

Sexuality Headcanon: Well it's not really headcanon, he's bi and there's nothing you can do about it <3

Gender Headcanon: Gender nonconforming he/they dude that often goes over the top with acessorizing and honestly good for him I too will die if I am perceived without a tiara, scarf, gloves and earrings all at once

A ship I have with said character: @gaulemtypefemale-dm-l-016 talked my ear off about Aoilight once and completely sold me on the two. I'm not big on shipping but I want good things for Aoi and they're really cute and snakegay so like yeah I really enjoy this one

A BROTP I have with said character: Him and Phi! I read a fic once that had a bit about them getting along and forming a friendship based on being the only blatantly queer people in the crash keys meetings, and I love that for them lol

A NOTP I have with said character: Him and Clover... I won't tag my friend they haven't been active in forever but we've talked about this So Many Times lmao. They really like the two together and whatever good for them but?? I can't?? There was even one time we were on a freaking field trip bus and they were trying to make this pairing make sense and I was absolutely losing my mind. It was a ton of fun lol. Anyways, yeaaah.. she axe murdered him and he called her a stupid bitch while holding a gun, not my definition of romance

A random headcanon: I came up with this literally yesterday or so cause of the whole health thing I had, but like, I can see him giving himself a scar from scratching the syringe mark too much in the aftermath of the first nonary game

General Opinion over said character: Gotta be one of my top comfort characters of all time, no joke, don't wanna give away this bit of my tragic backstory so like, what can I say, seeing this story from his perspective just means a lot to me. The system and general life circumstances were never kind but he was just that stubborn and determined to find a way for their little family of two to be happy again despite all the compromises, like, being the older sibling as well sure helps appreciate some stuff going on there mostly the willingness to commit a crime in retaliation. Also I genuinely love that he's, by his own words, just a secretary and there for support lol

Okay now for the girl boss half of the dynamic duo

Sexuality Headcanon: Idk never thought about it much, she comes across to me like as someone who's not necessarily aroace but will not give a crap about picking a label because she doesn't give a crap about getting in a relationship with, or even paying this kind of attention to anyone that's not her boi™ but who knows when they're not star-crossed anymore how she'd be about it

Gender Headcanon: Nonbinary she/her because idk I get gender vibes from her, I feel like she'd have a lot of gender feelings going on under the surface, like, idk how to explain it. Is it because my hair used to look like that and I used to dress in a lot of baggy purples and blacks? Probaby Love the idea of her weaponizing her inner gender ambiguity with the Zero stuff tho

A ship I have with said character: Junepei, for the soul, it's got so much to it and none of it is straightforward aside from the fact that they have like a bond™ I like all flavors this ship comes in, divorce wins junepei, healthy lovestruck junepei and c-team polycule

A BROTP I have with said character: I think she would be besties with Clover, they'd go shopping and pester the hell out of their big brothers together <3

A NOTP I have with said character: I honestly don't know? I haven't really seen many ships with her that aren't Junepei or super tiny and valid rarepairs... Well I don't like Sigma, some people must ship the two right, don't like it

A random headcanon: Everytime she comes across Junpei or Aoi asleep on some part of their houses she kind of stops for a moment to make sure their chests are going up and down and they're like... alive. If she didn't stare and check then the images she'd have in the corner of her eye would be a bit too bloody. She doesn't tell either of them but abruptly wakes them up from time to time

General Opinion over said character: Here's the thing, I always use the word Ambivalent to describe my opinion on her, like, specifically that word. Not neutral, ambivalent. Contradictory feelings, much like she herself is quite paradoxical. She's absolutely outstanding as a character and though she's the kind of person I know I'd loathe to have to deal with on many levels there are also so many other levels that I like, can relate to her on? Going back and playing through 999 again made me stop and realize that, It's weird, I'd be fully on board with her if her motivations didn't graduate to a generic saving the world plot later on tbh

#also I think her and Aoi should get to have a bit of an argument over continuing to deal with morphogenetic field bullshit #getting justice and saving herself in 999 is something I can read so much healing into #but continuing with this thing they were forced into is an interesting direction that I don't think would have gone without conflict #also PLEASE I love to imagine them hanging out with the Fields after Aoi and Light get together it's such a fun dynamic #the girls would have so much material to make fun of them with #Clover using the emotional blackmail of ''remember that time you kidnapped us'' to get money from Aoi for snacks or some shit #but like. Not doing that to Akane lol #also Clover would be besties with Junpei too beforehand even and Thus IMAGINE THE GOSSIP between them #ah I think that's it #thank u anon for enabling me to talk about the Kurashikis once again it is immensely appreciated #a tag for asks #zero escape

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mistwraiths · 3 years

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4 stars

This cover looks like an erotica and I was initially a little hesitant in reading it. Yes, I committed the cardinal sin of judging a book by its cover! We all do it. This book is about a series of deaths that endanger the magical and faerie communities and involve 4 chaotic and queer individuals to solve it.

I rounded up my rating to a 4 after thinking about marking it as 3.5 stars initially. Why? Because overall I really enjoyed this book but I definitely had some little gripes. While reading this, I was often busy and pulled away from it however no matter how much was on my mind or how distracted I got when I jumped back in it was easy to sink into. The writing was descriptive enough that I can picture pretty much all the scenes and the book's worldbuilding unfolded throughout. I loved the casual representation of nonbinary and LGBTQA+ in the text!

I do wish this book had a list or glossary in the beginning maybe because I only know very basic generalizations of Fae. I don't really know anything about Seelie or Unseelie, sidhe or the other one. It would have quickly been able to give me information without constantly having to remind me about the differences. But that's a minor thing.

The characters are interesting, however, this book does not give equal attention to them. In fact, this book seems to highlight one individual the most which is mostly fine but the staggering difference between the others makes me unable to really know the two characters that we don't see. Also, there are some scenes we simply don't see and I would have liked to. Nausicaä meeting with Vehan and Aurelian would have been nice. And some chapters, like Arlo getting grounded, I could have really gone without since nothing happened.

Arlo is the main focus of the book and she's a great character. I connected the most with her. Nausicaä is the second character with the most viewpoints. I love a vengeful character but I am disappointed she wasn't as dark and edgy as I hoped. She's snarky and funny, and the most entertaining. I think she has the most potential to be the most interesting character and story.

Aurelian and Vehan get hardly any viewpoints. In fact, it's really hard to remember them at all since we've got the very basic aspects of their character and stories. The typical good prince who wants to genuinely help his people. The broody bodyguard type (although ok he's not officially his bodyguard) that tries to protect him from hard truths and stuff. They're in love with each other and neither of them act on it. It's also hard to keep up with their story happening in a completely different city and country! It just made it feel very disjointed. I was a little surprised at the reveal of Aurelian's little knowledge/secret thing. I hope we get more of them in later books.

While the writing is good and I love the references and humor, this book is quite long-winded and moves pretty slowly. The mystery honestly took TOO long to reveal and get to. Events feel like they last way longer than they should. There's a whole villain laugh and explains his evil lair and plan moment which felt a bit like overkill. Honestly, I think the villain (who isn't the big mastermind or anything) was interesting enough that I wanted to know how he got to where he was because we do see glimpses, although not enough.

All in all, it was still pretty enjoyable. There's a really wild and crazy magic aspect that honestly is so freaking COOL I loved it. I definitely want to know more and I wish these kids got more answers and asked more questions. An end reveal of another individual being involved was a bit surprising and I'm here for it.

I'd definitely recommend it if you like fae and cool magic concepts and representation, you would probably enjoy it!

#a dark and hollow star #ashley shuttleworth #steph reads #steph's book review #book review

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rethesun · 3 years

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Is there a name for middle lane larries?

Topic: An opinion on larry

I think there is substantial compelling evidence, but I'm not 100% convinced that there is still something but it’s possible there is we just don’t see.

If someone calls me a larrie, it's not insulting at all, but if someone were to call me an anti i’d be sad, honestly. Below I say many things that make it seem like I negatively judge hardcore larries, but I don't. I find it extraordinary that people can be so brave and sure of themselves, and I wish I could be too. I tend to get along with larries, while I mostly avoid antis unless they manage to be respectful, which is unfortunately quite rare.

I think it's practically effortless to get toxic when trying to prove or disprove things. I think it's dehumanizing and feels stressful to me as a fan. Therefore I can only imagine the difficulty and what it takes for people in a position of fame to get to a place of inner strength and resilience where the millions of opinions of the world don't affect them as much. It's sometimes hard to judge/differentiate what is and isn't disrespectful, and it hurts terribly to know I'm crossing boundaries. So I'm putting my opinion together in hopes it isn't as counterproductive or pointless as it feels.

I'm not at all trying to convince anyone of a narrative to sway people to believe or not believe. What and how much you know and where you "stand" is down to you.

Do I believe in larry?

First and foremost, being a fan of someone means supporting that person without expecting anything from them. It means any fan theory isn't crucial. What’s important is just supporting them as is, as an individual. It means caring about how the person may feel about things more than caring about how I feel about things that aren't my business in the first place.

That said, here is my not long-awaited opinion.

I think there is substantial compelling evidence, but I'm not 100% convinced that there is still something but it’s possible there is we just don’t see. I will not disregard what Harry and Louis said back in the day and pretend they had nothing when at the very least, Harry said it on video directly twice. Yes, he was a kid, but people will decide Harry is with a skinny blonde woman older than him for much less, so I don't take what he said as a platonic joke. However, I try to be as realistic as possible. As an outsider, it's not easy for my brain to conclude on most things. However, this doesn't mean I disregard how bad the industry can be. One big reason is that I don't know any of these people personally, and I want to believe in the best in others. Even though I understand controlling narratives in the industry happens and happened to 1D. I don't know to what extent. It's hard for me to judge that any or all of Harry's "relationships" are fake, and thus, he's had a few "stunt" songs for those relationships, etc. It’s plausible that he wrote female pronouns on a song or a few and the song refers to a man/men but that's far from saying this is a stunt song which would imply an entire fake relationship which is too far for me to say wasn't real as I am just an outsider.

Whether people say it's the fans who say it or the boys behavior, the statement, 'larries ruined their friendship,' is sometimes interpreted as centered around homophobia. I do not see it this way.

However, whether there was or is a relationship, it's entirely reasonable to consider, the circumstances as a whole hurt them and likely the rest of the band in multiple ways that made things really hard. I do not think fans ruined the band or their connections with each other. I think being overworked with little freedom or breaks to discover/express independence were just a few reasons why.

Why I think larry appeared to become distanced to the public eye: 1. Understandably, putting blame on the heteronormative gender restrictive times we were in and still are in. 2. How some fans react to Larry's interactions due to reason number one. Otherwise, all the 1D members, their families, and friends have been honest. That would mean there isn't an elaborate conspiracy; they are just tired of people messing with who they care about and want to live without the harassment. Regardless of whether some fan theories are accurate or not, people in the spotlight and their families deserve peace of mind. They don't deserve to be dehumanized. I wish some fans would understand how wrong it is to swarm people or ask strangers to confirm any personal things. Not only because it's rude and invasive but because of mental health. If that's confusing, imagine if it were you in their position.

I used Zayn's interview because he shared it eloquently while the other mentions that ‘Larry isn't real’ were mostly screen captures of constituents replying impatiently to larry comments on social media saying the Larry thing is delusion and not what real fans do. Zayn in this 2015 fader interview. "There's no secret relationships going on with any of the band members," he explains. "It's not funny, and it still continues to be quite hard for them. They won't naturally go put their arm around each other because they're conscious of this thing that's going on, which is not even true. They won't do the natural behavior." He goes on to add to the statement, "But it's just the way the fans are. They're so passionate, and once they get their head around an idea, that's the way it is regardless of anything. If it wasn't for the passionate, like almost obsession, then we wouldn't have the success that we have." Before the subject changes, Zayn said that fans would find a way to water down what he said and make any excuses, e.g., that he couldn't speak the truth.

I can't speak for anyone but myself. (I’m a queer cis female) I don't think I would want to 'get dragged through a round of 'coming out' press. Why should sexuality be treated as an oddity by the median, and why should queer people have to subject themselves to that treatment?' The amount of coming out stories and things that could follow a person, or the people around, in the aftermath, would be atrocious. People, personally and professionally, may treat you differently after. The queer stereotypes would be exhausting. Also, it's not always as safe sometimes to be out. Whether there was/is a relationship at all between 1D members. “Being open to everyone isn't easy. Now imagine yourself no less human than right now, but add millions of eyes on you. It's insensitive to assume about someone when they could be doing their best/what is comfortable—please let's stop invalidating what we don't understand.”

Zayn's career connects to Hollywood, and he’s in the spotlight so it's not easy to suddenly believe everything I hear and see is the truth just because someone like him said it. However, at the same time, it's rather discomforting for me to disregard and look into everything people like Zayn or his constituents say. I want to believe the best in people and sympathize and “back him up” in a sense. It's also way to hard to believe all things other fans say because we are passionate and obsessed, so there is confirmation bias.

Do I concretely believe anything?

Yes, but those things don't directly confirm or deny anything especially Larry.

I believe the boys were responsible for RBB & SBB.

I have some reason to believe the song Carolina could be about experimentation with drugs since Johnny Cash's Cocaine-Carolina song is plausibly similar. Also, it's not uncommon if you're wealthy or famous to experiment with drugs, including harmful drugs; the environment can make it more accessible and normalized. I don't condone drug abuse; I hope Harry is wise enough not to make it a reoccurring thing. I want him naturally happy and healthy, but it's not my life, and I don't know him to have any right in making that call. I trust from Harry's character and what he said in his Zane Lowe interview that he knows better. However, the song Carolina might be about Townes or maybe it's both, I have no clue.

I believe SOTT is about "fundamentals" like Harry said it is, not just from the perspective of 'a mother telling the child to go forth and conquer.' I notice some people readily look over the childbirth story, saying 'it makes no sense,' but it can easily coincide with fundamentals, "Equal rights for everyone, all races sexes, everything." Check out this in depth lyric analysis?

I think most of us know and support that Harry is a proud member of the community. If he wasn’t he’d just say that.

I think maybe COAC and SOTT may have been collaborative. There are multiple writers on both songs and if it’s possible to have a ghost writer then I say it's plausible they chose to write them similarly.

I think Louis possibly queer codes. Straight people don’t queer code so you might think it’s queer baiting but I don’t think someone sick of gay rumors would go that route. Either that, or he's a passionate and sympathetic ally.

However, Louis is still "with" E. From a perspective of committed fans, it doesn't look like a sincere relationship. As an outsider, again, it feels far too presumptuous for me to have a B&W opinion.

It seems that adults with somewhat official platforms let rumors run rampant, and not many grown adults of the time seemed to correct or silence it. I should have said this early and cannot stress this enough, ANYONE who is not the Louis Tomlinson or in his family tree is in no way an official source. If they're acting like they know things (not just reporting on what's happening), they were/are either trolling or want people to freak out for clout. Being led astray by people looking to capitalize on fans is always a danger. It's insensitive, inappropriate, and unprofessional, but it happened. I am surprised by that and that 1D's management didn't try to protect Louis and his image more. I’m not an insider able to judge him negatively or to overanalyze the situation. So I won't assume he's not a dad, and I hope he's doing well.

(About the above paragraph about Louis this is an update after the original post I made to say I don't have a further developed opinion because I never looked into it and don't know if I will so don't hold that against me please I just personally don't feel like it’s a thing I need to do and I know larries don’t appreciate when non-larries make comments on things without thoroughly looking into things so you won’t see a further opinion from me or judgment unless I do actual research)

In conclusion, and to reiterate, I feel like there is some truth to some things. Again, it feels disrespectful or too presumptuous for me to have many opinions, especially of the negative kind, as an outsider. I don't know any of these people personally, and I want to believe in the best in others. I am not harshly judging things because I don't have a complete story or the right to. However, this doesn't mean I disregard how bad the industry can be to people in multiple ways.

As fans, we can do much better. It's not unreasonable to wish people didn't constantly objectify/sexualize people with fame and didn't harass them/their families about fan theories. Also, always wanting something from these people and expecting them to fulfill god-like expectations as if they don't go through the same human experience and aren't completely flawed like the rest of us, or stalking them—something sick and a behavior that's saddening and disgusting. Real fans just leave them be to live their lives. Please call out stalking and discourage it if you notice it. Overall, I think we can all be a bit more respectful and understanding or try to make an effort. I'm not a superfan, but I'd like to be genuine and not a reason why these people dislike being in the spotlight. I feel like that means being as grounded, realistic, and sensitive about how these people may feel about things more than caring about how I feel about things that aren't my business in the first place. It ultimately means any fan theory isn't crucial. What’s important is just supporting them as is, as individual.

[#’s are for exposure and may not correlate]

#larry #music industry #1d #fans #one direction #harry styles #liam payne #nial horan #zayn mailk #louis tomilson #an opinion on larry #rethesun #source: me

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isabelle-spray · 4 years

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The Easier Way

POV: On the eve of her wedding to Professor Bhaer, Jo March is forced to confront her sexuality...

Laurie was here last night.

He had such a queer look in his face, I knew he had something to say, so I told him; “whatever it is you had better just hurry up and say it quickly, I’m getting married tomorrow and I don’t have time for your stumbling around.”

That seemed to give him quite an affront. And then I began to worry that something dreadful had happened. That Friedrich had been killed in some freak accident, or that Amy had taken sick in the night. Of course, it was no such thing.

“You don’t have to do this, Jo,” He said. I ought to have known.

“Do what?” I asked, knowing perfectly well what he meant.

“This! All of this!” He gestured wildly to my bridal gown which was hanging in the window, and the flowers on the dresser. He always was so dramatic.

“You’re referring to my marrying Friedrich, I presume?” I could feel my pulse racing in my ears.

“No,” he said. “No. Not just Friedrich. I mean your marrying any man. You may not wish to hear this from me, but somebody has to tell you before you go ahead and make the worst kind of mistake - -”

Up until that point I had been attempting to hold my tongue, but at that I had heard enough.

“A mistake?!” I cried. “So this is what you truly think of him?! How dare you - after everything - come in here and - and - you are wedded to my sister Laurie. Amy! I thought we had settled this years ago. Or have you forgotten? And now you come back in here and presume to tell me that you know what is best for me, for my life, thinking only of your own selfish and insufferable desires - -“

He took a long exhale before beginning his next petition.

“I did not come here thinking in any way of my own wants or desires. Nor do I seek to prescribe what is best for you. You always have known your own mind far too well to allow for that. But that is just it, don’t you see? If you marry him, you will be forfeiting that which you love most dearly, Jo. Your freedom.”

“If you think I would ever commit myself to a man who did not respect me then I’m afraid you are gravely mistaken. I have chosen to marry Friedrich precisely because he is quite the opposite sort of gentleman. A true gentleman. He holds me in the very highest regard, and views me to be his equal in all things. So there. What say you to that?!”

He was pacing up and down in front of the fireplace, scowling and balling up his fists. (How he ever believed we might ever have been happy together is truly beyond me.)

“You do not listen.” He said through gritted teeth. “I take no issue with Mr Bhaer. None whatsoever. I think him to be a perfectly genteel, admirable sort of a man. But that is the issue. He is a man. And for that reason I am convinced he could never make you happy. In fact, I am certain that no man ever could. I tried to love you, Jo, but it was not right and we both knew it. Now I see you are attempting to love him. But it is all a fiction. You are constructing your love for him as you do the characters in your stories. But this is not a story, Jo, this is your own real life.”

He raised his voice in this last ejaculation, which was quite unexpected. I sat silently for several moments, caught between rage and confusion.

“When I look at you Jo, I do not see a woman as she ought to be on the eve of her wedding day, blooming and blushing in the Spring of her romance. Instead, I see a tired woman who has given way to the burden of expectation. You have given up, Jo. It is all a lie! And tomorrow it will be a lie before God. The worst kind.”

And then the strangest thing happened. I suddenly found that I was crying. Great big lurching sobs. And I hadn’t the faintest idea why.

Marrying Friedrich was what I wanted. I knew that. It was true that as a girl I could never comprehend the way Meg and Amy were so desperate to marry, and I had hated the idea that our lives should change. But as I had grown older I had come to see the value of having a husband; that he might bring me comfort and companionship, and a kind of freedom that would never be afforded to me as an unmarried woman. If I continued to live as ‘Jo March’ there would be whole spheres of life to which I could never gain access. I would be always on the outside. But as ‘Mrs Friedrich Bhaer’ I would be afforded respect and consequence. I could make a place for myself in this world. It would be a sacrifice, but Marmee had always taught us that for one's family, sacrifice was necessary. So then I had decided, if I were to marry anyone, I could not think of a man whose soul was more in harmony with my own than Friedrich’s. And he did love me. So, I thought, marrying him must be the right course of action.

But now Laurie was here, drawing out all the old doubts and fears, which he knew would cause me to question myself.

I hated Laurie just then. Truly hated him.

He had come to kneel before me, though he dared not touch me.

“It is not too late,” he said gently. “Call it off. Friedrich will be heartbroken for a time, but he will recover. You, on the other hand, I fear may never.”

I wiped my face on my handkerchief and lifted my gaze to meet his.

“Do not presume to tell me about my choices.” I said, coldly. “You know nothing of womanhood, Theodore Lawrence. You know nothing of the sacrifices demanded of our sex, simply to survive in a world that is governed by your kind. You are a man; you may go wherever you please, do whatever you please, with whomever you please. We do not have that luxury. And far from lecturing me on the topic of my freedom, you ought to consider the chains I have been bound by already, my entire life.”

“Things do not always have to be the way you think, Jo.”

“Oh, really? Tell me then, oh wise one. How might things be different? What other choices do I have?”

He looked uncomfortable. But then seemed resolved to say his piece, and began.

“While I was away in Europe, you know I met a great many different kinds of people, and tried a great many new things.”

“Yes - I dread to think the things you tried in Europe...” I said disparagingly, though I could not help but smirk a little.

“Well, there are people who live differently, you know? Men and women who choose not to marry, but instead seek companionship among - well - among their own kind. And they are happy. Just as happy as any man and wife. True it is challenging to live outside of convention, but I believe God created us all to be equal in his eyes, and each of us just the way he desired us to be.”

I had never heard Laurie speak of such things. I regarded him carefully, searching for any trace of mockery among his features, but found none.

“I thought for a time I might even be content living that way myself, you know. I met a gentleman in Denmark. I resided with him for several months. And truly, I was very happy. But eventually we quarrelled over some silly thing, I let my temper get the better of me and so I left. And then, when I was reunited with your sister, I felt quite sure that my future was by her side. And having had those experiences enabled me to be certain that I myself was not simply giving in to loneliness or expectation. I’ve never spoken of it since, even with my dear Amy, for I do not believe she would understand, but I am entrusting you now Jo, because I think you might. And unlike me, who could be happy either way, living within or without convention, I do not believe you could live in true happiness and fulfillment if you marry Friedrich tomorrow.”

Something inside me was wrenching. The tears were flowing again and I made no attempt to contain them.

“I don’t know how they live, your friends in Europe.” I choaked. “Perhaps they are content with their choices. Perhaps, as you say, that might have been me. But that is another life. And this is my home, Laurie. I cannot leave everyone I love and go gadding about Europe on some hedonistic adventure as you have done. It is as much a fiction as any of my stories.”

“But there are people like that on this side of the Atlantic too, you know? Women of independent means who reside with one another. I even met one such pair while I was visiting with my friend at Harvard last year. They call them ‘Boston Marriages’. Quite fascinating ladies, they were. One was an heiress from France, the other a student of Mathematics. They reminded me so much of you, Jo, I can’t tell you. I’m sure we could make a trip over there and you could meet them and see for yourself…”

I had heard enough. I waited for him to stop talking. Then silently crossed the room, held open the door and waited for him to leave.

“Jo, do not be like this.” He pleaded. “You know it to be the truth. It’s all over your face, plain as day.”

I waited some more, and seeing that I was not to be persuaded, he gave me one last scowl and flounced out in quite a temper.

Only once I had heard the front door slamming did I allow myself to breathe out and collapse onto the sofa in front of the fire.

Laurie’s words had set my thoughts into an unbearable kind of spin. Women in Boston residing with one another, in so-called ‘marriages’. The very idea was unthinkable!

And, yet…

I could not keep it out of my thoughts.

I lay on the sofa in a hopeless state of overwhelm until the fire had burned itself out. Then I just stayed in darkness, watching the coals glowing red and orange, and eventually fell into an uneasy asleep.

I did not awake until this morning, when Amy and Meg shook me saying “goodness Jo, whatever happened here?!”

“We ought never to have left you alone on the night before your nuptials! How awfully neglectful we are…”

“Nevermind that now, time to get up! You need to bathe, and finish your hair, put on your gown...”

The burden that Laurie’s words had left on my heart was too heavy and complex to be communicated to my sisters. As much as I loved them, he was right. It was not a thing they could ever comprehend.

So I just let them sweep me up, into my gown and out the door. It was just... easier that way.

#literature #fanfic #little women #jo march #theodore laurie laurence #theodore lawrence #lesbian #biseuxal #bi #gay #louisa may alcott

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ellie-sande · 5 years

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Euphoria- a dumb bitch’s HOT TAKE

Okay, so here’s the deal. I’m gonna do an analysis of the characters I think are the most interesting (read as fuck McKay, he boring as SHIIIITT), so this shit is gonna be looooong. Y’all better brace yourselves UwUUUU 🥺😝😩😈

The episode: I didn’t really feel a strong emotion towards it??? Like, it was definitely the sloppiest episode by far in terms of the way that everything was edited and the timeline of events. It was visually stimulating and literal poetic cinema, as always, but that’s nothing new with Euphoria. I think a lot of the jumps between characters and scenes were completely unnecessary and honestly kind of agitating?? Instead of leaving us with new unanswered questions, we have the same ones we’ve had the whole season? In my opinion, it would’ve been more effective for them to have fully closed some plot points or at least bring them to a point where I’m still interested (I’m looking at you, Nate and Jules plot). But like, overall it's still a pretty decent episode. I think the ending was messy because we don’t know how much of it was just a music video and how much was legit part of the storyline which is a BIG DEAL. It just came after one of the best in the season, which made it feel significantly weaker. but tHat’S jUsT my oPINION 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Jules:

I think Jules is the biggest wildcard of the season, and we know so little about her, so it’s kind of difficult to understand what her intention is. I think that’s absolutely intentional by the writers because they want the audience in Rue’s head, y’know??? That’s my way of warning y’all that this shit is LONG 🤷🏾‍♀️

When Jules came clean about everything, she was doing what she thought was best for the relationship, which is open communication. She could tell that her not telling Rue about Nate was ruining the relationship (she said so in ep. 7). There was never malicious intent in her telling Rue about her hookup and Nate. She was just doing what she thought was right, and tbh??? IM PROUD OF THAT DUMBASS. One of her biggest issues is definitely effective and open communication and this is definitely a step in the right direction, y’know??

THAT BEING SAID, when I first watched the episode, I thought that her and Anna still flirting or whatevah and being iN loVE was out of character and went against the arc that I was expecting from Jules. BUUUUUT, I thought about it and here’s my take: I think that Jules just wants to be free from the external pressures in east highland, y’know? This whole entire season, her character did not get a fucking BREAK so I totally understand. There’s so much responsibility and pressure for her to be perfect or act a certain way, and for her, running away was the easiest way for her to disassociate herself from that responsibility. No 17 yr old should feel like the weight of the world and the safety of the people that she loves are on her shoulders. My bby @lameparty made an amazing point in our chat about how all of her actions (being more “free” and open about her issues with rue) are futile attempts at replicating the liberation and nonchalant-ness she felt while she was away. It’s her way of desperately (and unhealthily) bringing home that atmosphere.

i’ve seen a lot of people assume that jules is fully aware of her power over rue and takes advantage of it, uses her, and leaves her before she needs her next fix of attention, but i totally don’t agree??? i think that for the most part, jules has been emotionally supportive of rue and has been there for her when she needed her. i mean she did that LITERALLY EVERY EPISODE EXCEPT FOR 6+7 (for good reason. the bitch was going through the mOST). she never wanted or intended for rue to form a dependency on her, she just wanted her best friend to be sober and thrive because her mom was an addict and that ruined her adolescence (for obvious reasons). so when the people around her kept pressuring her with the weight of rue’s sobriety, she freaked out a bit (and for good reason. no one should be anyone’s sole reason to do literally ANYTHING). she knew that regardless of the severity of her actions, rue’s relapse was inevitable if the relationship continued on like that (i mean, in ep. 5, the bitch said WHEN you hate me, not if because she knows that in rue’s current mental state, a relapse, miscommunication, or a wrong step on jules’s side is inevitable). PLUS, jules is an extremely volatile person. her first instinct is to physically and emotionally escape whenever the going gets tough, so i think she knew that this probably couldn’t work.

Moreover, the bitch is embracing her queerness and as much as I don’t really looooveeee how she’s doing it, it makes sense with her character. I think she uses sex as an escape and a form of validation, so of course this is how she’s going to explore her sexuality. She just wants to be free and have fun and be adventurous atm and the whole Nate thing + being in her first relationship is not IT for her rn and that’s totally fair. That being said, I think her arc is gonna be about her accepting that freedom isn’t just sex and drugs??? It’s way more than that and comes in different (and way healthier) ways, but that’s what growing is. It’s learning from mistakes and figuring out what you like, so I can’t really be mad at her.

BUUUUUTTTT, my bitch said/did some things that i can’t stand by. she said that she loved rue at the train station, knowing that rue is weak for her and would probably give in and come with her on this wild adventure. that is FUCKING PROBLEMATIC. and prior to that, the bitch said that she THOUGHT THAT RUE WOULD THRIVE IN THE ENVIRONMENT THAT SHE WAS IN. WHAT??? as much as i believe that she had good intentions and she really just wanted to explore the world with her girl, that doesn’t negate the fact that it’s still manipulative at worst, inconsiderate at best, and problematic considering the dynamic that the two of them have. i get that she genuinely wants rue to meet her new friends and anna, but all in all, it’s so reckless for her to even consider it. she’s aware that rue is a recovering addict and she was willing to put her in a toxic environment where she would be surrounded by drugs and alcohol, making a relapse literally SO EASY. and on top of that, jules knows that she’s probably going to hook up with anna and considering that rue is so in love with jules, that would’ve hurt her soooo much, enough for her to probably want to numb the pain, y’know??? but all in all, that’s what growing up is. it’s two steps forward and one step back, y’know? even though jules is starting to see the beauty in honest communication and queerness, she did try to manipulate rue, even if that wasn’t necessarily her intention.

I think that Anna replaces Jules’s older, non-committal man to pine over. She never really fixed her problem of trying to find validation from the wrong people, it’s just expressing itself in a different form. It’s obvious that Anna is significantly older than her (peep the message that Anna sent about being shocked that Jules is in high school) and I think that just like a lot of people her age, she feels special or validated when she’s liked by someone older and more experienced. The relationship is obviously supposed to be a type of foil to her previous relationship with cis white men. Add the fact that there are facets of Anna’s personality that remind Jules of Rue, the gal that Jules is falling for, which makes them the perfect person for Jules to pine over because the relationship is something that she’s used to (texting, non-committal, toxic).

In summary, I think she loves the idea of Anna (independent, older, experienced, free spirited, and fun) but loves rue regardless of the fact that she doesn’t/can’t provide those things for her. I think that jules also associates Anna with adventure and discovery and as the young ambitious bitch that she is, it obviously is an attractive idea for her y’know??? for her, i think rue is the stability, monogamy and commitment that she might not be ready for yet, even tho she loves rue and wants a future with her. Her relationship with Rue is hard work and maybe a bit heartbreaking, but overall, the connection is stronger and the passion and commitment that she’ll give and receive will make the relationship way more fulfilling than whatever half-assed thing she’ll have with Anna. Next season, she’ll probably come back either heartbroken, unfulfilled or still in love with Rue, but the question is should rue take her back or nah y’know?? She’ll definitely be pining for Rue when she gets back and rue may not be available or willing anymore. We’ll seeeeeeeee.

Rue:

My bitch is in PAIIINNN and I hate it. I think that her saying no to leaving with Jules even if a big part of her wanted to run away with her is amazing progress for her. She finally chose her family and herself first, not Jules, which will break her dependence on Jules. Like, I’m SOOOOO proud of her and she’s come so far as a character. I’m not sure as to where the music video starts and the season ends, but I have two theories. Either she: never actually snorted that line of coke and we’ll see her progress next season OR she overdosed and came back to life. The fact that the song ended so abruptly means that the season will probably start right where it left off. Unless told otherwise tho, the show ends with her crying and remembering her family and all the shit she’s put them through because that’s a waaayyy more interesting arc (EDIT: JACOB SAID THAT RUE’S DEFINITELY ALIVE!!! I KEEP WINNING FR!!! MY! MIND!) She’s no longer a selfish addict with no reason to live. She’s seeing that the people around her, even without Jules there, support her and have been by her side through the most and maybe that’s good enough atm.

Lexi:

against popular opinion, i don’t necessarily think that the big reveal of her sexuality is that she’s a lesbian. to ME, it seems like they’re setting up that she’s ace and probs bi or homo-romantic??? the average sexual person knows who they want to fuck or kiss, and the fact that she has to ask for advice from her sister I think is foreshadowing that she doesn’t know. Not because she’s shy or because she’s a lesbian, but because she truly just doesn’t want to fuck anyone. and if that’s the case i’m SO EXCITED TF??? i’ve never seen that type of character arc on mainstream media and it’s sooo necessary to show that story in a positive light. i think that the show is waaayyy too intentional and clever to not give proper hints at her liking rue. If they were setting up her and rue, they should’ve done more to portray the pining on Lexi’s side. they’ve set up more of a longing for friendship and comfort than anything else and tbh???? that’s wayyy more interesting and relatable for me??? but that’s my opinion 🤷🏾‍♀️

That being said, i could see her and rue together next season bc the foreshadowing is sooo vague that they can do whatever the fuck they want next season. maude and zendaya need to work on their chemistry then bc iTS NOT CLICKING. i definitely think that rue is going to use her tho, which isn’t fair to lexi. additionally, lexi is a bit too soft to stand her ground with rue, and if rue goes down the relapse route next season, their dynamic is going to be the same toxic dynamic they had up until episode 5. She’s an amazing person that deserves better than being an easy out or second best.

i think that because she was raised in her sister’s shadow with a shit ton less attention and love from literally everyone in her family, she has low self-image, so it would make sense that she wants the intimacy that comes from a relationship. maybe her addiction is just being there for others bc no one was there for her when she needed them??? @lameparty spilt the truth tea bc they said that “she exists for other people right now and she exists in the safe + limiting shadow of her sister,” and i think that rue represents a sort of freedom from that because rue is only hers and rue can’t see her as second best to her sister. as a fellow semi-abandoned child turned mom-friend, this makes total sense to me bc she wants to make sure that everyone around her never feels as neglected as she did her whole life.

Rue and Jules:

honestly, i’m tired of people blaming rue’s relapse on jules not being there. she literally has had MI since she was a kid. this shit ain’t new. and even if it was new, the fact that so many of the viewers were angry at jules for not being there during rue’s manic/depressive episode angers me for three reasons. a) JULES WAS DEPRESSED. she legit didn’t leave her bed for the whole week, to the point that her father was worried. b) just like jules, rue probably only told her that she was feeling under the weather and that she missed her. how is she supposed to magically put together that rue is going through a depressive/manic episode??? c) no person should be your sole reason to be happy. y’all want a CODEPENDENCY not a relationship, and like i totally understand wanting to protect rue. she’s the main character and we’re always in her head, but from episode three, it was pretty obvious that her definition of love is really skewed. she said that you know that you love someone when you can’t live without them, which is generally reaaaallly unhealthy.

these two are such an interesting dynamic, and tbh, i think they’re actually really good for each other (not rn, obviously). i think this is a case of right person, wrong time. they’re obviously soul mates/star crossed lovers, but the problem is that neither of them is mature enough to be in a serious relationship. rue is a recovering addict with a dependency issue and jules is an overly eager, ambitious person that’s never been in a loving relationship. one of the biggest issues in their relationship is the fact that these two have different wants and needs from the relationship. rue fell for jules almost immediately, has wanted to be with her ever since, and wants stability, comfort, and monogamy. on the other hand, jules wants adventure, excitement, and exploration. jules obviously pictures spending her life with rue, but the problem is that in the moment, she can’t be with rue without hurting her because she’s still exploring her queerness, which means that she’ll have one foot out the door until she’s gotten her fill.

because of that, i’m really proud of BOTH OF THEM for standing their ground and choosing themselves instead of each other. i have no doubt that both of them had a part of themselves that regretted leaving the other person, but at the end of the day, it was what was necessary.

even though rue was the person that suggested running away, she became hesitant because she finally thought about her FAMILY. y’all, that’s AMAZING character development because, at the beginning of the season, rue literally walked over every person that was in her life in order to get her fix. she stole from her mom, got lexi to pee for her, yelled at fez when he didn’t give her drugs, etc. up until episode 5 or so, rue was an extremely selfish character with one exception: jules. from the moment she met jules, her only goal was to make her as happy as jules makes her just by being there, and because of that, she has sacrificed her comfort in some situations. this is the exact opposite of her previous issue where instead not caring about anyone including herself, she only cares about one person an exceeding amount. both of these are problematic. more importantly, this allows her to finally break her dependency on jules. rue fell for jules and stayed sober for her because it felt like she was her flashlight in the dark cave that is her life, and now, she has to find that jules isn’t the only light. her family, lexi, fez, the rest of the girls are all there AND my hope is that she finds that she can be her own light and do this for herself. as much as her decision hurts both the audience and rue, this shows that she’s not just a stagnant character and that she’s learning and evolving into an amazing person. i’m proud of jules because she didn’t stay behind out of guilt or worry. that would’ve perpetuated rue’s dependency and overall, probably made jules resent rue.

i think that jules was being honest when she said that she was in love with rue, i really do. there was an earnest and almost shy look in her eyes, which was so cute??? but it’s honestly more than that. jules looks for rue no matter where she is. for her, rue is her home and something that she finds comfort in. it was obvious in episode 4 and 7. in episode 4, jules runs to rue because she finds comfort in her. whenever she’s in rue’s arms, she feels a warmth that i don’t think she’s ever felt with anyone else and when she finds that tyler isn’t real, her first thought is that rue has been there for her through thick and thin and is her safe place. it’s obvious why she gravitates towards anna. she sees rue in her, which immediately makes her feel at ease. add the fake deep convo, their sex appeal and the drugs, and you have a hella messy situation. and then there’s the fucking romeo and juliet passage that jules recites to rue that basically says that she’s in love with rue, but thinks everything is happening too fast and will come crashing down. she knows that given that they had more time/weren’t so eager to get together, the relationship would be beautiful and flourish, but they aren’t giving each other the space to grow, which was eventually the end of their relationship (at least for now).

Kat:

I’m proud of her. She did the damn thing. NEXT

Nate:

I think that Nate and McKay are not all that different. His breakdown this ep is more or less for the same reasons as McKay’s breakdown after those guys assaulted him in front of his girl which is that he felt emasculated by his dad overpowering him. In episode two, he did the same flexing thing after his workout. I think it’s his way of feeling powerful and masculine. All this just shows that he needs fucking therapy, but he’s not just some sociopath y’know? His character is deeper than that and can feel pain and anguish. I’m honestly so happy that they included that because it both shows the abuse in his relationship with his dad which obviously carries into his relationships with women and grounds him as a character. that being said, nate is an asshole and there’s no better ship on this show than nate + electric chair 🥺😝😩(but, i’ll settle for prison or whatevahhhhh)

all in all, I think that this show has two amazing themes in it which are: teens are waayyy more resilient than people think and addiction comes in different forms and each of them is problematic and selfish. i think that the show is amazing at getting people to empathize with rue, but i feel like people need to realize that in the grand scheme of things, all of these characters are HUMAN and make a lot of shitty mistakes. no character should be cancelled just because they make a mistake, especially when the characters are supposed to be literal hormonal teenagers????? every character on this show is deserving of the audience's understanding (except McKay. FUCK HIM)

#euphoria #rue x jules #jules x rue #lexi howard #nate jacobs #im spiraling can y'all tell??? akldjfl;asdfkadslkjf;asdkjf;#jules protection squad where y'all AT????

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words-writ-in-starlight · 6 years

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adhd anon again. man, everything in your posf was scary relatable. i zone out for hours when i read, and i tap my fingers in certain patterns, and i pace to think, and i still “wring my hands” when i get particularly excited. and i still run around the house when there’s tension on the tv. basically all of my oddities are explainable now. but i’m like... full of internal ableism and instinctive cringing still. do you have any advice? (and _thank you_ so much for what you’ve already said)

Hey, dude! So, my first advice is...breathe. Feeling like your internal landscape and self-image is changing dramatically--whether it’s because you’re realizing you’re queer, figuring out that you actually want to change career paths, or getting that blinding stroke of insight about something like ADHD--is really, really scary. Like, there’s no delicate way to put it. It’s flat out scary. So just take a few deep breaths, and think about the things you understand and trust about yourself. Watch your favorite movie, splurge on your favorite dinner, listen to your favorite music, and remember that those things you love are still the same as ever, they still affect you in the same way as they ever did. Take some deep breaths while you’re at it, in through the nose and out through the mouth, and think about how it feels to have your lungs expand and contract--still just like it did yesterday, right? I really can’t emphasize this enough, this is a moment for some fucking self-care. So please consider this some gentle, affectionate bullying into taking time for that self-care. Your ADHD will still be there when you’re done taking a moment for yourself, I promise.

My second piece of advice is, try to keep in mind that everyone has to work through some level of that internalized ableism, so don’t crucify yourself for it. Being able to acknowledge that it’s there is already a big part of the work. As far as how to get past that, I can only tell you what works for me, which I think is fundamentally some cognitive behavioral therapy shit? So it goes like this. Your brain goes “hey, you can’t have ADHD, because only broken freaks of nature and retards have ADHD.” You notice that your brain said a shitty thing, and you go “hey, brain, that’s some ableist bullshit, people are people no matter what and having ADHD doesn’t make me any less of a complex and worthwhile human being than anyone else.” Next time your brain throws out some ableist bullshit, you go “hey, brain, we talked about this, people are people no matter what, etc, etc.” And so on and so forth, and slowly your brain will throw out less and less ableist bullshit, less and less often, and you’ll learn to cut off the thought earlier on, and eventually you’ll get to a point where you are actually doing a pretty amazing job of not having shitty prejudicial thoughts at all. It takes time and effort and it sucks, but them’s the breaks.

(Although, if you’re in the market for other advice, you can do this with a lot of shit. You’re having depressive, suicidal thoughts? Go right on ahead and throw out a “hey, brain, actually I have a cat who needs fed and who loves me, and I love the taste of licorice, and I’d be really sad if I never stood in a thunderstorm again, so I will not be doing that.” You’re struggling to accept that your friends love you? Hit back with a “hey, brain, my friends tell me they love me every day, and just because you’re an anxiety-ridden mess of neurons doesn’t mean you’re right.” You’re resisting taking a medication because you think you deserve to be in pain? “Hey, motherfucker, I’m worthwhile and I deserve to be taken care of, sit down and get out of the way while I take some damn Advil.” Say that shit out loud if you need to. It takes time. Changing behavior, changing well-worn thought processes, changing habits, all those things take time. But it’ll get you there.)

My third piece of advice is to look at the ways that realizing this is, frankly, a huge boon, and my fourth, related, piece of advice is to learn how you can work with your brain rather than against it. You have insight into something that, if you’re anything like me, has pushed you to the point of frantic rage and despair for your entire life. I used to drive myself into frustrated tears because I just could not force myself to focus like a normal person. I cannot count the number of times I broke down crying over my homework because sitting quietly at the kitchen table was like chewing tinfoil. I got the homework done! But I was goddamn miserable every step of the way. When I started watching TV while I did my homework, I beat myself up for it constantly, because that wasn’t an “acceptable” thing to do, but it was the only way I could resist tearing my hair out while I was doing basic algebra homework.

Then, I realized in my sophomore year of college that I had ADHD, and I started to be more willing to accept that I just need different things than other people, in order to be able to focus. I stopped driving myself to distraction by trying to be “normal” and started trying to change the world around me in order to accommodate my needs. I can’t work in silence? Cool, I asked my parents to pay for a year of a Spotify Premium account as a Christmas gift and found some podcasts I love for when I’m doing chores, so now I don’t work in silence. I have trouble sitting still? All right, I started buying myself nice yarn (tactile stim!) and knitting gifts when I need to focus--knitting hits a lot of good buttons, a nice repetitive fidget with some soothing textures, and frankly I’d really recommend it. Force all your friends to accept knitwear. I don’t do well with eye contact all the time? I downloaded a billion free match-three games onto my phone--I’m on level two thousand nine hundred and fifty of Juice Jam, I’m not fucking kidding about how useful this is. Having a “reason” for your own unique struggles and oddities (although honestly ‘I have trouble with this thing’ should be enough reason for our trainwreck of a culture, not that I’m bitter) can really free you up to look for ways to play nicely with your brain box. Embrace it.

My fifth and final piece of advice: reread the Percy Jackson books. Again, I’m not fucking kidding around. Representation is so, so important when it comes to getting past that initial cringe response, and for all that we have a long way to go on that, PJO fucking exists already. Take advantage of it. Once you’ve done that, think about the characters you connected the most with as a kid, and think about what you connected with--which of those people do you think have ADHD? I got past a lot of shit by rereading the Animorphs books and assembling a bulleted list of reasons that Rachel has ADHD. Does it make you cringe in the same way to think of those favorite characters as being ADHD? Good, that means it’s working. Keep doing it until you have at least one character who you feel it click for, one character who you get committed to as an ADHD comrade in arms. Learn to love yourself by loving them.

That’s my advice, dude. The only other thing I would say is this: if you are in a position to get therapy and feel like you need a helping hand, maybe look into it. There are counselors of many flavors who have experience with helping people learn to cope with ADHD or other processing disorders, and tbh I am a huge proponent of therapy. A good therapist is worth their weight in gold. There’s no shame in needing help, and the only way to beat that shit into your brain is to reach out for help when you need it and yell “I DESERVE THIS, I DESERVE THIS, I DESERVE THIS” until the gremlin muttering prejudicial bullshit in the background shuts up.

You, uh...may have noticed that my version of “improving my mental health” looks a lot like percussive maintenance, but LISTEN, it WORKS.

#adventures in adhd #adhd #actually adhd #i have no fucking idea what the commonly used tag is my dudes #no fucking clue #anyway i hope this helps!#advice from starlight #anyway!!!! i'm watching siren!!!!!! INTO THAT SHIT!!!!!!#HORROR! MOVIE! MERMAIDS!#I WOULD DIE FOR RYN!!!!!!#SHE'S A MONSTER AND I LOVE HER ABSOLUTELY AND UNFLINCHINGLY #IN THE WAY THAT I LOVE MONSTERS #i also DEEPLY want the dude and his unbelievably gorgeous marine biologist girlfriend to BOTH date the scary mermaid #AMPHIBIOUS MONSTER POLYAMORY HEAVEN NOW!!!!!!#idiot teenagers with a queue #anonymous #asked and answered

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aion-rsa · 4 years

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Kajillionaire: How the Evan Rachel Wood Movie Explores the ‘Mini-Cult’ of Family

https://ift.tt/2RPN4hK

Kajillionaire is the first feature film from writer-director Miranda July in which she isn’t also the star. It’s a different experience, stepping outside the frame and choosing instead to cast Evan Rachel Wood as her unconventional leading lady. But as the artistic polymath also tells us over a digital interview, she also “never [has] to stop looking at it from the outside.” The ‘it’ being an intimate portrait of a dysfunctional family of small-time scammers.

“I could go further,” July says during her conversation, “I could be more devoted to the actors… I wasn’t in there with them, in the fire.” This remove allowed her to be open to the final product, and letting it differ from her initial script. That and the confidence that comes from a long career of many hats.

“I’ve been now just making things in all mediums for a long time,” says July, a performance artist of all trades—from punk theater to sculpture installations, to a messaging app—who is used to wearing a dozen hats on a single project. “When you’re younger, you get really freaked out when things aren’t going according to plan; and by this point I think, ‘Well, there’s another way that’s gonna end up being the right way that’s different from what we planned.’”

That adaptability has served her especially well in the last six months of the COVID-19 pandemic, which delayed the release of Kajillionaire (among many other films) into theaters. Yet there’s a touch of self-fulfilling prophecy that July learned to embrace chaos in the current life-changing circumstances from her project about a brood of truly bad con artists whose attempts to score big earn them more problems than windfalls, with their half-baked schemes often spinning wildly out of control.

Though she wasn’t in front of the camera, July worked closely with Wood to develop the character of Old Dolio, the twentysomething daughter of a pair of lousy con artists (Richard Jenkins and Debra Winger), who nonetheless shares her parents’ fierce conviction in their scavenger lifestyle. Not only does Old Dolio not resemble July’s two avatars in her past films, Me and You and Everyone We Know and The Future, but her absence of femininity or softness distinguishes her from most twenty-something cinematic heroines.

“I’ve been wanting to work with [Miranda] for years and just jumped at the opportunity,” Wood says. “And then when I saw the kind of film she was creating, and the heroine that was Old Dolio, I was elated because you never get to see a leading lady look or act or sound like Old Dolio, and I had also never really read this script. And I’ve been doing this [for] over 25 years now, I’ve read a lot of scripts. So to actually be able to read a script that was so original I couldn’t compare it to anything else, that’s what excited me more than anything.”

With her lank hair, baggy tracksuit, and guttural voice, Old Dolio possesses the raised-by-wolves ferality of someone reared outside of mainstream society, especially with regard to hyper-feminized gender norms. Yet she’s clearly devoted herself to the Dynes’ scams, leaping, diving, and twisting herself into poses to evade security cameras—or just their long-suffering laundromat landlord.

“I’d never had a character who was gonna take some real work to get into,” July says. “I didn’t know if any of that was going to work, but I did think that rather than just arbitrarily come up with these physical restraints that it was important to sort of limit her intellectual state. I mean, she’s a full complete soul in there, but she’s not used to articulating, internally or externally, about her emotions.”

They workshopped the character together for about a week, with references and videos, so that they could build up what Wood describes as a “toolbox” once they got to set. “We had our own language that we had built for Old Dolio,” the star says. “Miranda could just call something out, and I would know what she was talking about. She would yell out, ‘Proud lion!’ ‘cause that’s one of the animals we had picked for Old Dolio, that she would emulate and have the same energy [as], and also when she needed to be slightly attractive for [Gina Rodriguez’s character] Melanie.”

That toolbox also gave them verbal shorthands for keeping Wood in-character; if it seemed like any feminine qualities (i.e., any of Wood’s own personality aspects) were coming through, July would yell out “hands” or “voice,” and her lead would remember to adjust her gestures or lower her voice.

In doing so, July says, they honed Old Dolio “until it was just physical. I was like, well, that sets her up inside her mind, her state, and from there she can probably do anything, was the hope. She could say these lines, she could do a tuck-and-roll.” While July had written in Old Dolio’s eccentric physicality before they began developing the character, she was gratified to see that Wood had no problem truly embodying the character.

“Evan actually could limbo, Evan could roll. You write all this stuff and then you’re braced to have to adjust to reality, but in Evan’s case, I never had to.”

Matching Old Dolio’s signature moves are the emotional and ethical gymnastics she must undertake as part of her family’s cons: whipping out the Catholic schoolgirl uniform when sweet-talking some rich marks; impersonating a stranger for a measly $20; forging signatures as easily as breathing.

“I related to Old Dolio in that way of a very unconventional upbringing and childhood,” says Wood, who has been acting for most of her life. “I was working since I was five, and sometimes seen more as a peer than as a child, and as a child star you can very easily confuse adoration and love, or performance and how it relates to love.”

Yet for all the necessary evils to which Old Dolio commits herself, she lacks the social intelligence to entirely pull them off; and her parents have no qualms about letting her know that they find her wanting.

“I think as Old Dolio understands it,” Wood continues, “love is a performance, in how well she does in these cons, and that [it’s] the only way to win her parents’ approval, and she convinces herself she doesn’t need anything else.”

Like money, Old Dolio can get by on a dearth of love—until the Dynes meet Melanie (Rodriguez), a bubbly young thing who is all too eager to get in on their schemes. Flirty and feminine where Old Dolio is awkward and androgynous, quick-thinking in a way that reveals a whole host of life experience, Melanie allows the Dynes to expand the scope of their cons; but Robert (Jenkins) and Theresa (Winger) also begin to project on her all of the affection that they’ve always withheld from Old Dolio in the name of supposed authenticity. “You get the sense that she knows something is missing,” Wood says, “and she can’t quite put her finger on it until Melanie comes into the picture.”

The slow-burn queer romance between Old Dolio and Melanie helps the former begin to envision a life outside of the Dynes’ restrictive existence of diminishing returns, and to experience a love (or at least the sense of being wanted) that she has long been lacking. But not even July initially intended for first love to be part of Old Dolio’s journey of self-discovery.

“I actually had Melanie in there a little bit before understanding that there was a romance,” July says, “and so Old Dolio had this repulsion and this reaction against her, and the parents adored her. And then I was like, ‘Ah, wouldn’t it be [wonderful] to give this woman all the joy of being loved by her.’ I just wanted that for Old Dolio.”

“We agreed that it was so easy to fall in love with each other,” Wood says about developing the romance with Rodriguez. “We had that chemistry right away. And with a character like Old Dolio, you have to be incredibly forward, because she just doesn’t get it, or doesn’t want to. Again, she had no exposure to things. It’s all new to her. What I love is that gender is never spoken about, and sexuality is never spoken about, it just is. And it’s a part of the film, but it’s not what the film is about.”

The absence of gender that Wood found so freeing seems to have been by design, as July explains that she was aware of gendered tropes and expectations when crafting this romance.

“I always thought that if Evan’s character had been a guy, that the second Melanie entered the movie, you would know that there was gonna be a romance,” she says. “You could make that a real slow-burn, you could totally work against it and hide it, because you just know already, because of the formula, that they were gonna end up together. So I enjoyed treating it the same way, like not overly indicating, giving it the same artfulness—holding my cards like that, and trusting it, just trusting.”

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One of the most artful moments in the film, which demonstrates not just the trust between July and her leads but also between Wood and Rodriguez, is Old Dolio’s dance. The scene is part of Melanie helping Old Dolio check off a list of formative life events she has been lacking up until now; the latter has never had the teenage experience of rocking out in one’s bedroom alone or with a friend. Yet the dance itself—set to the telephone hold music that is Old Dolio’s ersatz soundtrack for her own life—is entirely about Melanie being witness to Old Dolio’s pent-up anger and joy, poignantly inelegant yet hopeful.

Wood describes how she and Rodriguez each surprised one another: Rodriguez had not seen Wood rehearse the dance prior to shooting the scene; and when the cameras started rolling, the tears in Rodriguez’s eyes were completely authentic.

“She’s just that kind of actor,” Wood says. “She throws herself in, and she’s right there with you, just giving you everything.” Such moments also underscore why Wood feels like Kajillionaire was at times like shooting two different movies.

“There was the one with the Dynes, and there was the one that Gina and I were doing. And that was always so beautiful and tender and sexy and heartbreaking. That’s when we really got to lean into the heart and soul of the film.”

Arguably, what most identifies Kajillionaire as a Miranda July film is the surreal imagery of pink soap bubbles cascading over the wall of the Dynes’ shabby rented residence: an instantly familiar sitcom shorthand for a situation about to get out of hand, but that in July’s framing becomes strangely soothing. What began as the explanation for why they were able to live somewhere with such cheap rent—every day they must clean up the bubbles, only for the laundromat to inevitably produce more—took on a dreamlike beauty as July decided to link the bubbles to a recurring visual device in her films. In the case of Kajillionaire, the director says the bubbles “tap into that primal anxiety… they have to dispose of it in this Sisyphean way, but it keeps coming.”

Sisyphean could perhaps also apply to the staggered timing for Kajillionaire’s release. Following the film’s production, Annapurna Pictures declared bankruptcy, and July was forced to find a new distributor at Sundance; they did in Focus Features. The movie premiered at the festival in January 2020, weeks before whispers of COVID-19 began permeating America, and once the nationwide lockdown and quarantine began, its June release was pushed to September. While July acknowledges that she was of course disappointed “not to get to do my well-laid plans for this movie,” watching the film finally get released six months into COVID has given her a change in perspective.

That was due in large part to hearing from people within the last several weeks who were watching Kajillionaire for the first time during quarantine. “There was no other version of the movie to them but the one that they saw now,” she says. “It’s not that it’s a different movie, but there’s so many things in it that they spoke so intensely to me about—just a lot of little resonances with this time, and I think that made me feel like, ‘Well, maybe I was making it for us now.’”

July has found the silver lining on the metaphorical soap bubbles, in that Kajillionaire might be coming out exactly when it is supposed to. “That is the reality of what has happened,” she says, “so there’s no point in thinking that six months ago was my true time—like, no, I have to own it, this movie is for now.”

While filming Kajillionaire, Wood was also wrapping up three seasons’ worth of character arc for android Dolores on HBO’s Westworld. “There’s certainly parallels there,” Wood says of Dolores’ becoming self-aware and breaking out of her own loop compared to Old Dolio’s story. “I think that journey inward and that journey to consciousness is part of all of our journeys.” But her real takeaway is about breaking out of toxic loops, plus concerns of family as a whole.

“I’ve heard Miranda speak about families and how each one of them is its own mini-cult, in that they all have their own set of rules and morals and standards,” she says. “Each one is a little different, and we all go through a moment where we have to start defining ourselves separate from our family: what that looks like and who we really are, and what we really want. And sometimes that does not match up with the family that we have been raised in, and it can be quite jarring and traumatizing. Especially when you make the decision to share your true self with your family. I know queer people can certainly relate to some of this, and that idea of discovering who you are and sometimes having to leave the only thing that you’ve ever known.”

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Wood hopes that Kajillionaire moves audiences to reconsider their childhoods and their own parenting styles, but her greatest wish is that it reaches the people who may never have seen themselves reflected back in film before: “I hope if there’s any Old Dolios watching, that they feel seen, and like they got to be the leading lady.”

Kajillionaire will be released in theaters on Sept. 25.

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