#and everything seems less pointless. maybe then i’ll be able to fake being happy for long enough that someone will give me a fucking job

[livinginncity]

if we were human

♚: lee rang x reader

❡: fluff??(angst, pure angst)

ⱳƈ: 2.5k

⚠︎: besides it being really bad? none really. like, literally a couple swears. it was fluff, and then it became angst, so...sorry, but not really because if i’m crying, so are you.

children could be heard all around the park. some screaming and laughing as they run behind, others crying after they tripped, only to soon be comforted by the gentle holds and hushed assurances of their mothers and fathers. a bit further away was a small dog park, from which came all kinds of barks and growl, as well as cooing of the passerby. and there at a bench, located slightly closer to the swings and slides attracting the younger humans, sat a man that looked less than pleased to be where he was.

“Guess who.” a female’s voice rang out as a soft hand covered his eyes. he merely rolled his eyes beneath their new coverings and proceeded to drag the small wrist away from his face. “y/n.”

the young woman sneered and scoffed before yanking her hand out of his grasp to walk around and join him on the bench. “I don’t like you.”

“I don’t like you either.” a smack to the back of the man’s head could be felt soon after the words left his mouth. “Yah!”

“What are you doing here anyway? I never took you for the people watching type.”

“That's because I'm not. As if they deserve that much attention.” a hand lazily lifted in the direction of a familiar little boy, the action bringing a smile to the woman’s face.

“Ahhhh. But that one’s the exception? I thought you didn’t like little kids with runny noses, something I heard you have in common with your brother actually. Is that a gumiho thing or a family thing?” the man she addressed turned his head to look at her with an unimpressed look.

“Has anyone ever told you that you talk too much? Or that you ask too many questions?”

“Well considering that was one of the first things you said to me when we met, I’ll just assume you know the answer to that already.”

she turned to look where the man’s gaze had previously been fixed and he followed suit. their eyes moved as they followed the movements of the young boy whose energy seemed to rival that of a puppy’s. ‘how fitting’ was the thought that came to the pair. minutes passed before they changed positions—the girl moving to settle her head on her company’s shoulder. said company shook her off before she repeated the action, leaving her be the second time. and he stayed in place even after she dragged his head to rest upon her own.

“Rang-ah.” the man simply grunted in response, urging her to continue. “I hate this.”

his eyebrows furrowed slightly at the sudden proclamation. “The kids? The families? Parks? I don’t really like them either. The first are messy and demanding, the second is an extremely unrealistic dynamic, and the last are way too loud and crowded.”

“No.” she took in her surroundings before speaking again. “This. I love all of this. I want it all. The kids are adorable and it feels so rewarding to be someone they rely on and look up to. I’ve had my fair share of family drama, but I’ve always wanted my own that I could cherish—pointless fights and all. And parks are probably one of my favorite places because it gives me everything I need to imagine what it’d be like if I had the first two.”

“What?” at her words he lifted his head to look down at her.

“I hate all of this shit that’s going on right now. It was one thing when you were just this occasional menace to your brother, but now the Imugi is involved and Lee Yeon refuses to let Ji Ah go again. It’s caused so many problems and with them, questions to be asked. Things could be so much simpler. Don’t you ever think about what life would be like if we were all human? This would all just be some petty high school drama. Like, Lee Yeon got class president in school and now, years later, both he and Imugi are CEOs competing in the nightclub industry or something like that.”

“You’re starting to sound like Lee Yeon. I guess you’re just as lame as him. Or maybe even lamer because really? That’s the best you can do with this fake drama?”

“Did I ever tell you that I ran into Soo Ho before you got the Tiger’s Brow back from him?” she ignored the questions, but her own annoyed him slightly. before he could respond. “I asked him if I could try them on and walked to the nearest window I could see myself in.”

“So, what’d you see? What were you? A Snake? A rat? Pufferfish?” her only response to his teasing was a pinch to the side. she shook her head before continuing.

“I saw a child.” her face changed to a solemn one. “All I saw was a snot-nosed little kid that the world seemed to have it out for. I didn’t even live long enough to have many firsts. And no one was ever there for the few I did. Well, there was one. Towards the end, I think my final year, I met an old lady. She lived alone, but she took me in the moment we crossed paths. She gave me my own room, let me help her cook, as much as a child could help, and she would always tell me these stories of her husband who had passed about a decade before. In just a few months, that woman gave me what felt like a lifetime of love. All while I was slowly dying, she made me forget the hardships, the neglect, the hatred, and by some cruel fate, she died first. But before she went, she said to me “treat my death as not another result of this terrible world, but take it as a sign that even when we know that our end is inescapable, we are able to cherish the temporary moments in which we are truly happy should we allow ourselves that much.” And so,”

the woman finally lifted her head from the gumiho’s shoulder to look into his eyes. “I think, if I could be reincarnated as a human again, I would. But since it’s probably never gonna happen I want to live like one. Get married, have a family, get mad when someone doesn’t show up for the holidays. I don’t know if I’d make it as a human with everything I know now, and I honestly don’t want to be human right-right now because I probably wouldn’t get to be around you. And I also just can’t imagine how you’d get by without seeing me every day.”

“Don’t act like you’re anything special.” he scoffed and looked back at the playground.

“You don’t have to admit it.” she stood up from the bench, looked over to the young boy he had taken in, and turned back. the woman grabbed his face and, after looking at the man for a few seconds, leaned in. “I know you love me.” and then she ran. “Soo Ho-ah! Let me play with you, that old fox is being mean again!”

“Yah!” he didn’t get up to chase her. she was right no matter how much he thought about it. somehow that weird girl wormed her way into the list of people he more than tolerated. and as he sat alone with his thoughts, he watched her play with the reincarnated boy, the latter seemingly winning their current sword fight.

does he ever wanna be human? no, it seems way too boring. does he like kids? he likes one, so that’s good enough. will he get married at some point? well, it’s just some rings and paper. and it’s not like he isn’t in love with that girl in the park.

bonus;

“Hey, y/n. If you’re watching this then...you know. I figured a couple good deeds might do me well in the afterlife, so what better way than finally letting my brother be with the girl he’s waited hundreds of years for.”

“You crazy bastard.” those were the only words that she could force her mouth to speak as she looked down at the small screen.

“I know you’re probably cursing me right now, thinking ‘this crazy bastard.’” somehow they both managed to let out a chuckle. “You know I don’t like vulgar words, but I’m not there, so i told Soo-Ho to pinch you for me every time one leaves your mouth.”

“Of course you did. It’s already a habit of his now.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye. Especially to you, Yu Ri, and Soo-Ho. I didn’t get to say thank you, either. You’ve all helped me more than I’d ever care to admit, but I really am grateful to have shared part of my life with you. I got to help Yu Ri like Lee Yeon helped me, got to meet Blacky again, and I got to experience so many things with you.”

the tears in her eyes were already brimming and it was clear they wouldn’t stay there long. “y/n.” she looked back to the screen as he called her name.

“go to the nightstand on the right of my bed and open the drawer.” the girl got up from her place at the edge of the bed and walked over to the wooden table. with her phone in her left, she used her right to open the drawer, and she could feel her heartbeat stutter as she laid her sights on the black velvet box that sat in it. she reached a shaky hand to pick it up, and when she flipped it open she couldn’t help dropping the phone as she brought the other to her mouth with a choked sob. all she could do was shake her head and let the tears subject themselves to gravity.

“Do you remember that day in the park?” despite not being able to actually see through the endlessly flowing tears, she managed to scramble around and find the device that had slipped from her grasp. “You were talking about all this stuff like marriage, family, kids—what it’d be like to be human because things would be so much simpler. And while I don’t think anyone could ever convince me that being human would be fun, I figured we could at least do some of those human things. We were kind of halfway there, you know? You practically live in my apartment, and Soo-Ho took over the living room with his toys, so it was only a matter of time for him to get his own room so I could stop stepping on legos—maybe get a door with a lock from the outside so I don’t have to worry about waking up covered in stickers.”

she laughed as she recalled the memory, his interactions with the little boy, and their goofy smiles when things were calm for once. “You dorks were made to follow each other into every life.”

“I was gonna propose to you after this whole thing was over. Once I knew Lee Yeon was safe and not being targeted by a wannabe dragon. I’m sorry I couldn’t give that to you or...our own kid, though I think the one we have now is pretty great. And I’m also really sorry that I’m finally telling you this once it’s too late, but you were right. About what you said that day.” her breath hitched as she saw the tears glisten while they slid down his face. “I love you.

as if it were clockwork, a sob made its way from her throat and the tears began again.

“Yah, stop crying already. Please. I’d be upset if I was the cause of it.” and she tried, she really did, but it wasn’t as easy as he made it sound. “And, I know this is probably asking a lot for all that I’ve put you through, but can you wear it? At least for a little bit. Just think of it as a way of honoring my memory—the better parts obviously. You can keep my apartment if you want, too. Soo-Ho might be a job better-fit for Sin-Ju and Yu Ri, but if he says he wants to stay with you, you better let him.”

another laugh emitted from between the sobs as she listened to his final message.

“I really do love you, y/n. And if there is ever a chance of us finding each other again, I’ll tell you every chance I get. Anyway, I think it’s time for me to go now. I only have a couple more minutes and I don’t think the others are gonna make it in time. I’m scared if I’m being honest, y/n. I’m afraid of being alone, but you helped me not feel like that all the way up to the end—I finally had a family. So thank you. Love you.” and he smiled his big, child-like smile before adding on, “And don’t tell Lee Yeon I said sorry, or thank you, or I love you that much in under ten minutes.”

and just like that, it was over. no more, dumb family feuds, no more naengmyeon with no eggs because someone would always steal it, no more Lee Rang. she stared at the paused screen for what felt like hours before setting it to the side on the bed, to do as he had asked. carefully,  she took the ring out from the safety of its cushions and slid it onto her left hand. she let out a shaky breath as she stared at her ring finger and she said it back, hoping that somehow, someway, he would hear it. “I love you too, Lee Rang-ah.”

it was a while before she moved from that spot—getting on her feet only to answer the door that had just rung. opening it, she could have seen the man who had taken the place of Lee Rang’s in the living world, but all she saw at that moment was an older brother who had also lost someone he loved.

“Lee Yeon-ah.” it was then that the male finally took in her appearance. she wore jeans, one of his brother’s sweaters, and her hair was in a bun that had clearly seen better days. but what really caught his attention as his eyes traveled, was the black box in her right hand, and shining silver band on her left. then he lifted his eyes back to hers to see just how tired she was. “Lee Yeon-ah. I miss him.”

the man simply brought her into his chest as she sobbed. and she cried, and she cried, and all the while he stood there with her in his embrace. it was all he could do, he couldn’t offer her words of comfort just yet because, even now she may be much stronger than he is. because she’s strong enough to live without the promise of his reincarnation. she knows she may never see him again, but won’t risk exchanging her life just so he won’t go through the same thing.

“I miss him so much.” her voice cracked as the words came out, and he ran his hand over her hair.

“I know, I know. I miss him, too.”

#tale of the nine tailed #tale of gumiho #lee rang #lee rang x reader #lee rang imagine #kim bum #kdrama #kdramanetwork #lee yeon #lee dong wook #i wrote the first part two episodes before the final one #so after acting it out in the shower i wrote the bonus part

[spaceskam]

someday we’ll find out what that means

another part of my On Earth series for @christchex ! Happy belated birthday<3

warnings: aftermath of a traumatic event, coping, non-descriptive references to the shed scene

ao3

Not many people caught Alex’s interest.

He wasn’t deliberately rude to people that didn’t, but he typically didn’t give them the time of day. He’d rather sit in his own head, rather just be with his friends and wait it out until high school ended and he got the freedom to get away from people that were close-minded and drove him insane.

He’d heard that there are places where Antarians aren’t othered. It gave him some hope that maybe there would be a place for him that would make him feel less othered too.

That being said, when he first got a glimpse of Michael Guerin, he caught his interest. He didn’t see him often, but it was enough. The guy was gorgeous and apparently ridiculously talented, according to his eavesdropping. He had a lot of control for an Antarian this young. It was almost scary, one of their teachers who “specialized” in teaching non-violence to Antarians had said, because someone with that much control must be a ticking time bomb. Alex was even more intrigued.

That was hardly a secret, not that there was anyone around to notice. He loved Liz and Maria, but he was convinced he could wear the same shirt for a month straight and they wouldn’t notice. By the time he got to have Michael, got to kiss and touch him and know him, it was easy to keep it to themselves until they were ready. Even when Alex told them, it was easy to keep it from everyone else because no one really cared all that much.

That is, until it became impossible to really hide that something happened.

“Call or text me if you need something,” Alex told Michael as they sat in his truck. First day back to school after the incident and Alex was on edge, but he was trying hard not to be. He needed to act like normal.

“Okay,” Michael agreed, “Same for you.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“I know you will,” Michael said, giving a sweet little smile, “Now, give me kisses.”

Michael pursed his lips out dramatically and Alex momentarily wondered if the pain medication was still making him a little over the top. However, it really just might be Michael trying to distract him from his own head. Either way, Alex leaned forward and gave him a soft kiss.

“Okay, let’s go.”

They went their separate ways for the beginning of the day. There were a few times they could feasibly cross paths outside of music class, but usually they had to plan that shit to an annoying precision. For both of their sake, it was safer to keep their distance. People were going to ask about Michael’s hand. More than that, people were going to assume.

Alex’s job here was to act like he wasn’t involved.

“Alex,” Liz’s voice said as soon as he stepped into the hallway. She was at his side, staring at him with concern. So much for acting like he wasn’t involved. “Where have you been? You’ve been absent for days and you haven’t been answering our calls or texts. What happened? Are you alright? We thought about going to your house to see if‒”

“But you didn’t, right?” Alex said quickly, his heart involuntarily picking up speed, “You didn’t go to my dad’s house, right?”

“No,” Liz said, though that only seemed to raise her worry, “We figured you’d talk to use when you wanted to. Alex, what happened?”

“I’ll tell you later,” Alex said, “When there’s not so many people.” And when he had time to trust himself to tell a good lie.

“Well, at least tell me you’re okay.”

“I’m okay,” Alex said. It sounded hollow and he knew it, but Liz nodded her head and accepted it because she was a good friend like that.

Alex didn’t have it in him to deal with anyone today. He let the hallways part in his wake, but he didn’t bother acting cocky about it. He was feared. He got that. But now he wasn’t too sure what that got him. Fear was pointless. The only solace he had was that most of the people making way for him, he’d never even acknowledged. And he only hurt people who hurt others’ first. They should really only fear him if they were guilty.

Which. Maybe they were.

The idea alone was exhausting and, as he reached his locker, he began counting down the hours until he could get back into Michael’s bed where everything smelled good and it was warm.

“Alex,” Maria said as he sat down in their pre-calc class. She leaned close, that familiar concerned look on her face. “Where have you been?”

“Stuff came up, I’ll tell you and Liz later.”

“Would that stuff have anything to do with Michael Guerin’s hand?” Maria asked, voice an almost inaudible whisper, but Alex heard her clearly. His entire body tensed up and he held his breath. He didn’t trust himself to breathe without giving everything away. “Everyone was staring at him and everyone knows you both have been gone. Alex, there’s gonna be rumors that you did it.”

“I didn’t‒” Alex started, but he stopped himself. He took a slow deep breath and let his mind remember Ezra’s words, a never ending ‘this isn’t your fault, you did nothing wrong’. “I didn’t do it.”

“I know you didn’t. Obviously. I meant, like, people who don’t know you,” Maria said, looking around and lowering her voice, “Because your reputation.”

Alex squeezed his fists tighter, his heart thudding in his chest and his throat and his ears and everything. He shouldn’t have gotten out of bed. Well, he should’ve gotten out of bed and still hooked up with Michael in the shower, but he shouldn’t have left the house. He should’ve stayed and doted on Michael all day.

People were going to think he did it.

“Maybe they won’t,” Maria jumped in, trying to make him feel better, probably but not doing too great of a job due to his mind already running with the idea, “I mean, you’ve never beat up an Antarian before. In fact, you’ve gone out of their way to be nice to them! Maybe they’ll think you protected him.”

Alex, involuntarily and yet still stupidly, flinched.

He didn’t protect him. 

He didn’t do shit.

“I’m sorry for bringing it up,” Maria said. Alex shook his head, trying to tell her it wasn’t her fault but not being able to find the words. She didn’t do anything other than observe.

Alex thought about getting up and leaving, but school had just begun and he wouldn’t have a very valid excuse. He could possibly fake being sick, though that would only do so much and he knew Michael would have a much harder time getting out of class. They wouldn’t be able to meet up just yet.

So Alex stewed in his own head, trying to keep distracted and only being minutely successful in that endeavor. He just had to hold out until lunch. That’s it. It’d be fine.

Still, his classes dragged. They seemed to all be speaking in slow motion and he still didn’t get any notes. He didn’t hear a thing through pre-calc and when he got to biology, it sounded like gibberish. The only solace he had was that he would have to ask Michael for help going over it. He would lean real close as he went over the information and stare at his lips and wait, wait, wait, until he could lean over and kiss him. He was still allowed to do that. He was allowed to kiss him senseless. That was good. He could manage with that.

Maybe they would get lucky and Michael’s parents would be kept late at work and Alex would get the warm opportunity to get his mouth on other parts of him. He wanted to just kiss him all over, touch him where he was able to, let his mind empty itself out with the taste of him. That’s what he needed.

By the time lunch came around and he got to see Michael again, he was itching for him. They met at their usual place behind the school and Alex barely got to take in his pretty, welcoming smile before he was kissing him and slowly backing him into the wall.

He held his cheek with one hand and had his other on the back of his head so it wouldn’t hit the bricks, kissing him like he had nothing left to do in life. And maybe he didn’t. Maybe this was what he was meant to do: kiss Michael until he was numb to everything else.

“Whoa,” Michael breathed after he pulled away. He couldn’t kiss him for too long, he knew, because he wouldn’t want to stop and they were still at school. Sadly. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Alex murmured, nudging his nose against Michael’s warm cheek and then nuzzling his face into the crook of his neck. He let his hands fall to wrap around his waist and Michael’s arms moved to hug his shoulders.

“You okay?” Michael asked, pressing a kiss to Alex’s ear. He closed his eyes and breathed him in and tried to imagine being tucked in his bed. Alas, there was too much rough clothing for that to be accurate. Michael slept in soft clothes. And, since Alex didn’t have anything of his own, he also slept in Michael’s soft clothes.

“I just need you.”

Michael let out a breath and relaxed a bit, the first time that Alex even noticed he was tense. God, he needed to get better at noticing that. Michael was just so good at pretending he was totally fine.

“Same,” he agreed, hugging him tighter, as much as he could without messing up his hand more.

They stayed there for probably too long, just holding onto each other. Surprisingly, no one came to bother him. Alex half expected both Maria and Liz to come and ask too many questions that Alex wasn’t prepared to provide the answers to.

“Has anyone asked?” Alex whispered against his skin.

Michael was quiet for a second too long.

“Mrs. Wilks saw me in the hall,” he said, “I thought she was going to cry over it for a second. Kept asking what my doctor said about the piano, if I’d be able to play again.”

Alex swallowed harshly and lifted his head. The idea Michael wouldn’t play an instrument again hurt. He was so smart and strong and powerful, but he was a gifted musician. More than that, he loved it. Alex had only really gotten to see him play in his comfort zone once or twice, but it was so clear that it brought him peace.

“You haven’t even asked the Evans’ about it, have you?” Alex said. Michael avoided direct eye contact.

“No,” he said softly. All Alex heard was that he was terrified for the answer.

“Hey, we’ll figure it out. I mean, we got you to a doctor. They worked on you. If-if you can’t play like you used to, I know you’ll figure it out. Or I’ll just play the other hand for you forever and we’ll be a duo,” Alex insisted, “Left hand is easy without the right, usually, anyway, I can handle it.”

Michael smiled at him, a little nervous and a little fond. Alex would enjoy drowning in that smile.

“I’ll do whatever I can for you, okay?”

“And I’ll do the same,” Michael responded earnestly. Alex wanted to tell him no, but he knew that would lead to an argument and he didn’t want that.

He just wanted him.

“Think they’ll miss us if we skip the rest of the day?” Michael asked, trying to lighten the mood. Alex grinned and leaned close again, nudging his nose against his cheek.

“Tempting, but I want your parents to still like me.”

Michael scrunched his nose up in defiance which just made everything a little easier. They could still be normal after this.

Whatever normal meant when it was the two of them. Alex was ready to be reminded.

#malex #malex fic #micahel guerin #alex manes #roswell new mexico #my fic #verse: on earth #HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYY

[hoe-doroki]

Illiterate

pairing: Shouto x American fem!Reader (pre-relationship)

wc: 2.1K

genre: comfort, fluff

summary: You did well in the midterms despite missing the first month and a half of school, not to mention all of the previous year at U.A. But being unable to read Japanese makes you feel so stupid. And who comes into the common room after midnight just as you’re about to cry? The boy who hasn’t spoken to you in three weeks. That’ll make you feel better.

edit: I no longer write x reader but here’s my old masterlist - mobile | desktop

Textbook out on your left. Notebook out on your right. Laptop in front. Phone put to the side. You were taking up a whole olive green couch and coffee table in the common room with your materials. But it didn’t much matter, because everyone else had gone to sleep—or if not to sleep, then to their rooms—hours earlier. It was well past midnight on a Monday and, despite the destructive habits that some of the members of class 2-A had, most tried to get a good night’s sleep. It was vital for rebuilding the muscles everyone abused in class every day, not to mention everything else Recovery Girl had mentioned in the mandatory “Health and Wellness” seminar they’d all had to take. You’d missed it, since it had been in the first week of classes, but you had still received the handy dandy pamphlet in your welcome folder a month earlier.

But you were willing to sacrifice a little sleep in order to catch up to your classmates. You might have had an extra two years of high school over them, based on the U.S.’s school system, since you’d just finished junior year when you’d transferred. Technically you hadn’t finished out the year but you’d done all the standardized testing and gotten your final grades. But still, U.A. was much more rigorous than your old school and, in some areas, you had big gaps. You would only be able to fake it in class for so long like that.

You startled when the hallway light went on behind you. There wasn’t a curfew by which you had to be in your room, but you were still half expecting to find Iida behind you, chastising you for being up so late. But it wasn’t Iida—it was Todoroki.

You turned back to your work, hoping that he wouldn’t say anything if you minded your business and didn’t speak to him. Based on your few experiences with the boy so far, it seemed he could be relied on to be quiet. And your strategy seemed to work; you heard him padding in his slippers over to the kitchen and running some water.

Your focus was now broken, though. You looked at the pages you had out in front of you and all the characters started to blur in your head. It felt like the studying you’d just done had left you and that all the hours since dinner had been pointless. The frustration began to bloom again and you felt your face growing hot with it. You were so behind. So not meant to go to school in Japan.

“You should go back to your room.”

Your body stiffened at the quiet voice behind you. If you looked down, you could see Todoroki’s gray slippers. You hadn’t heard him grow so close.

“If I do, I’ll fall asleep.”

“That’s what I mean,” Todoroki said. “You should be in bed.”

“Shouldn’t you be in bed too then?” you shot back.

“I woke up and decided to make some tea. The water’s boiling now.”

It was late enough that Todoroki had already gone to sleep and woken up in the middle of the night. And you had nothing to show for your time but a few haphazard notes and a failing short term memory.

“I just have to stay up a little longer,” you whisper, you throat constricting a little around the simple words.

Todoroki took another step closer and looked at your setup. It was obvious that you were doing work, not messing around or staying up just for the heck of it. Todoroki was one of the brightest kids in the class, in addition to one of the most powerful. Hopefully he would see your efforts and just leave you be.

“Sleep is necessary for processing information by transferring things from one section of the brain to another and strengthening connections,” he said instead. “You’ll learn more if you sleep.”

“I know that, and I will, but just…not yet.”

“Y/N, you placed seventh on the midterm. That’s impressive for a new student.”

You shook your head, wishing he hadn’t said that as hot tears started to wet your lashes. “They let me take the test in English,” you rasped, the words coming out completely pitchless. “I’ve been here over a month and I’m still almost entirely illiterate.”

Everything in front of you was in kanji. You had a stack of grammar books that were meant for toddlers that you wished weren’t in Todoroki’s line of sight. They were only half filled out as it was, since you didn’t even know all the answers for those, much less how to read what everyone else had seen on the midterm.

“Oh,” Todoroki intoned in that simple way of his. “You didn’t know Japanese before you came here?”

You shook your head. “Coming here was pretty sudden, so I only had a couple months to try and learn before I transferred. And so I focused more on spoken language just so that I wouldn’t be a complete idiot. Even though I still sound so American.”

“It’s not so bad,” Todoroki offered.

You give a chuckled weakly. “The first thing you said to me was that my Japanese was bad. Terrible. Actually, you didn’t even say it to me, you said it…around me.”

“Oh, I guess I did,” he said. If you looked at him, you probably could have seen the memory appearing on his face. “Well, I’ve changed my mind. It’s not terrible.”

Even sugarcoating it that much must have been a reach for him, so you could appreciate the effort. You blinked the last of the tears away, grateful that none of them had actually fallen and that Todoroki hadn’t seemed to notice them. “I’m sure your water is boiling by now. You can go. I promise that I’ll go to sleep soon.”

If it had been Shinsou, or Yaoyorozu, who you were beginning to grow close to, or someone like Midoriya, they would have stayed. Maybe even closed your books for you and ushered you up to your room, telling you that you could start again tomorrow. But at your words, Todoroki’s slippers disappeared from view and he went back to the kitchen. It wasn’t especially surprising. He’d barely ever spoken to you, especially since you’d used your quirk on him the first time a few weeks back. And you could understand why. Nobody liked the effects of being hit by your quirk. Or losing a match in less than two minutes. So when just a minute later you were greeted with a cup of steaming tea in front of you, on one of the small spots of table between all your materials, you were forced to look up at him for the first time.

“Would you like to speak in English?” he asked, the words coming out with certainty and only a hint of a Japanese accent over a British one. And they nearly made you fall to pieces.

“Yes,” you breathed.

He sat down on the sofa kitty-corner to yours and you noticed that his mug, like yours, was only half full. You didn’t love tea—you’d never drunk it much in America, but it was ubiquitous here. Yaoyorozu was all but forcing you to acquire a taste for it. Still, the gesture moved you and you lifted up the too-hot cup, blowing on it as you let the light herbal scent waft over to you. Todoroki was holding his mug with his left hand and you wondered if it even felt hot to him.

“I apologize if I’ve been cold to you,” Todoroki said. “The truth is that it surprised me, how you’d used your quirk on me. And that you’d seen it as a weak point after only observing me for a couple weeks. I keep on thinking that my past is behind me, but then it never is. It’s why I’m awake right now.”

“No, I’m sorry,” you said quickly. “I felt really bad using my quirk on you like that. The look on your face—it felt like such an invasion to use sadness against you. I wouldn’t want to do that just to win.”

“Well,” Todoroki said, the ghost of a smile on his face, “you were playing a villain.”

You groaned. “Ugh, I hope I never have to again.”

“Unlikely,” Todoroki said. “All Might creates many exercises like that.”

Your tea was finally cool enough to sip without burning your tongue. The taste of herbal tea was strange, not particularly food or beverage-like to your brain, but you thought you could understand the comfort of it. The hot liquid felt nice on your throat and you realized that you hadn’t had any water for hours. You took another sip.

“You said before that your past is why you’re awake right now,” you started hesitantly. “Can I ask why that is?”

“Just a dream,” he said simply. A bad one if his grimace was anything to go by.

“I’m sorry,” you said, although you weren’t sure if you were sorry about the dream or asking about it. Probably a bit of both.

“No, I actually…” Todoroki looked at you and you were struck by how captivating his gaze was. His blue eye was piercing, one of the brightest you’d ever seen while his gray eye was dark, almost brown, and mysterious. “I wanted to know how you knew. That exercise was meant to show us how we’ve exposed our weak spots to someone new and it would be a missed opportunity for me not to ask you about it.”

“How I knew…that you were sad?” you asked.

He nodded once, eyes still stuck on yours.

“You just…your friends seem like really happy people,” you explained. “Uraraka, Midoriya, even Iida in his way. Or even when they’re not happy, they’re wearing their emotions on their sleeves. But you, even when you’re joining in with them, there’s usually a cloud over you. Like you’re hiding your emotions. And from there I guessed that that came from somewhere. Probably someplace difficult. And when I strategized with Aizawa-sensei and he agreed that it was worth a try.”

“I see.”

“Like now,” you said, looking at his face. “Do you feel anything about what I said? If so, you’re totally hiding it on your face. Blank eyes, relaxed mouth. And, you know, that’s fine, but if you’re doing that on the outside, then, for a teenage boy, I assume you’re doing it on the inside too.”

That brought some expression to his face. Twin creases between his eyebrows, making his relaxed mouth look more like a frown without moving it.

“But I don’t want you to worry about that or what I think about you,” you said quickly. “For my quirk, I have to be really good at intuiting emotions, especially since I so rarely get to practice with people. I have to be super observant and understand something about psychology. Most villains aren’t that sensitive.”

“But some are.”

“Yes, certainly some are,” you said. “But if you want to start working on whatever underlying things you have, you should be doing it because you want to. Not because you want to be a stronger hero but because you want to love yourself more.”

Todoroki gave a little huff that could have been a chuckle. “How American of you.”

“Hey!” Your exclamation is quiet. “You’re the one who offered to speak in English.”

“You seemed homesick,” he said with a shrug.

“I was,” you admitted. “I am.”

“Okay,” Todoroki said, standing up. You saw that his mug was empty while yours was still a quarter full and now tepid at best. He took it along with his own. “You’re going to sleep now and tomorrow you’re going to ask Yaoyorozu for tutoring. She’s excellent and the two of you seem to be getting along. Our class is full of all good, mostly helpful people. You should say something when you need help.”

You shut your laptop, the screen having gone black long ago and began dog-earing and closing your books. Before Todoroki went to the kitchen you grabbed his arm, only to release it a moment later when you remembered people weren’t quite so tactile in Japan as they were in America, Todoroki especially so. Still, you had his attention as he turned back to look at you. “The same to you. You should say something when you need help.”

Todoroki’s lips pursed together, not quite in a smile, not quite a frown, but in acknowledgment. He probably wasn’t fond of you turning your words back on him.

“I’ll…try.”

#bnha x reader #todoroki x read #shouto x reader #shouto todoroki x reader #bnha fanfiction #bnha imagines #mha fanfiction #bnha fanfic #mha fanfic #bnha insert #soft todoroki #soft shouto #soft shouto todoroki

[alottamoney]

This is very frustrating because you can't be messaged.Nevertheless I would like to share something very serious with you. These are strictly speculation. Firstly I would like to clear my position with Taekook.Long story short: I believe them.

Quite recently I stumbled upon a theory about Taekook's coming out process that seemed very logical to me.The summary of the theory is, the art that BTS has been releasing from the beginning,or from 2015-16 to be exact, have been quite evidently inspired by Taekook's journey from discovering themselves, to then losing themselves, to then finally be able to find their happiness and true-self with each other.From Stigma, to DNA,to FAKE LOVE.A lot of BTS songs are talking about a hurtful love filled with sadness.Also, the kind of songs Taekook listens to and covered from the beginning traces that journey from sadness to happiness.From the official songs,Singularity, The truth untold,Heartbeat,House of Cards,Whalien,Make it Right to name a few.It's justified to assume that BANGPD supports them and love them.But if it is so then why the separation from time to time?According to this theory it is to prepare the ARMY very slowly to getting used to Vkook.We have seen since 2017 taekook is used to promote the Album the most,to hype it up,and once the Album's released,it's the watchful eyes again.BangPd was very supportive of Jkwon,a kpop idol who likes drag.But he also told him that you cannot throw a stone into a still lake and expect everyone to be fine with it.It will take a long time to get the water to settle down.What bangpd is doing with Taekook is he is engineering a very long process of getting people used to the message of acceptance through messaging of their album,love myself,be yourself.He is creating a generation that is used to these ideas so that when that stone lands,there will be no ripple.

Now nitpicking time.Tae and BangPD share a mutual dislike for each other.It's not a secret.Because Tae made it obviously clear on many occasions. Everyone in the kpop world knows it.Starting from Taekook's relationship, V was being portrayed as a non-essential member.Idk if it was a coincidence,but taekook is the king of coincidence and the timing somehow matches.It got to the point where he had only 1/2 lines in a song. If you know Tae's journey, you would know and I'm not gonna elaborate the extent to which it was bad.I also get the feeling he doesn't like Kookie's personality(he doesn't respect him) because he has a psychological need for Tae built in him.The golden Child of BTS.If BangPD is supporting Taekook and engineering their smooth coming out,and taekook are in on it,then why do they seem displeased when separation happens?It has happened so many times that there is no other option to consider than them being unhappy with the situation.

My pessimism will take over from this point.It's about money in the end.I personally believe BangPD supports lgbt.Before elaborating on my point I want to present someone else's viewpoint who I had a discussion with.They are even more pessimistic than me.A bit hilarious too.According to them if BangPD really supported Lgbt he would not try to corner Tae like that.It's an unwritten code among lgbt that you hold each other's relationship up despite your personal things.According to them BangPD used all these messages for marketing purposes and used Taekook and the members as a gimmick for it.That's why he was okay with Jikook but not taekook.Tae did not like jikook happening on stage to the extent it was happening but it was given a free pass in the name of it being just a job.According to this person,an lgbt supporting person would never do something like that to a lgbt relationship.Scary stuff.

Now my elaboration : BangPD is not necessarily protecting Taekook or BTS,he is protecting his investment. He wants to engineer a smooth path for their coming out but only under his term?I know before military it's unthinkable and even after that, my opinion is Taekook are not the declaring in a statement type couple.They prove by actions,not by words.That's why I am a bit confused as to what pd's thoughts are regarding Taekook future.All I know is that Tae does not like it when someone instructs him how to behave in his own relationship.He's been throwing middle fingers left and right to whoever can see.If they are not on the same page with Pd's plan for them,then....what?On a sidenote: I am sure JJK and KTH1 mixtapes are getting delayed due to profit sharing issues.You just know they are going to break every record out there.V said in 2019 that his mixtapes were ready for release that year,and he wanted to see how ARMY react to it and then he uttered something very interesting"It's going to be delayed anyway"..then he laughed in the brattiest way possible at the staffs while spoiling 😂 BH couldn't get that sweet sweet money from "Sweet Night".Going back to my previous point,it really seems like everything is connected to money.Does BANGPD want a situation where if Taekook have to come out,whether by accident or something else,he can be there to take advantage of the situation?Like saying he supported them all along,and the money will come in as support for them pours in.Idk how that will a viable situation.For one, Tae will consider eating poison before agreeing to letting PD use his personal relationship for circus,and it's fair to assume BangPD knows it.Then what about the possibility that PD really is like a strict parent,who wants the best for his children even though his methods are torture.Did he think taekook not being a couple was in their best interest?Taekook's interest/BTS' interest?Like I said, I personally believe pd supports lgbt.He doesn't like Tae's personality,his rebellious streak.I could be wrong but would his personal dislike move him to create tough situation for taekook even though he supports lgbt.It seems unlikely because wouldn't it create unhealthy environment within the group,pd must have known this.Or did he think it's just a teenage romance,one push and it will break easily.All of these possibilities because all I have gotten that TK are not happy when their relationship is micromanaged.

Now there's Lisa in JK's Vlive correcting his steps in Euphoria.Guess we are all delulu at this point.I really think that was Lisa though.Don't ask.I'm sorry for this long ask.Please share with me what you think.

Hi anon, I'm happy that you shared your views on Taekook. My opinion on this topic might be disappointing but I'll share anyway.

First, I don't have a coming out theory because I don't think any BTS member would willingly reveal any sort of romantic relationship because of the fan frenzy around them.

I don't analyze MVs, lyrics, and such because these things involve a lot of input from a lot of people: producers, composers, lyricists, designers, stylists, choreographers, etc. It's much more than just BTS sharing personal stories and trying to find clues about the members' private lives from them is a pointless venture according to me. The covers and song recommendations made by Tae and Jungkook in the earlier years, like you pointed out, have more weightage in this regard.

About Bang and his relationship with Tae and Jungkook: I think there is a large gap between fandom perception and what has actually been shown. While I don’t think Tae is Bang’s bias, I also don’t think he dislikes him or is out to sabotage him. It is even possible that him “favoring” Jungkook does not extend beyond his potential marketability. He seems indifferent for the most part to them as individuals. Assuming Tae and Jungkook are in a relationship, I agree that maybe Bang did not take it seriously until he had to. He could also have done a lot more damage than just separate them on screen or cut them out of content so I don’t think he micromanages them outside work (or may he tried and Tae and Jungkook are just that inseparable🤷🏻‍♀️). He might even consider it beneficial, not in a direct financial manner but in that it makes them easier to control and monitor- two less NDAs to worry about. It doesn’t help that Tae and Jungkook are also very erratic in a way that can’t be attributed to company micromanagement. That could explain some inconsistencies, they’re also figuring it out (and they’re a bit dramatic about it in my opinion).

Jokwon hasn't said anything about his sexuality explicitly, I don't know if this counts as an example of Bang's support of the LGBTQ community but he seems open-minded enough and he hasn't said or done anything homophobic. Tae and Jungkook though are part of his biggest cash cow so, while he might not be homophobic it's not a stretch to assume he has different standards for them vs Jokwon who isn't signed to his label. About using the members and Jikook as a gimmick, I think that is simultaneously complicated but also not that deep and it’s probably a separate discussion; in short, I don’t think Bang is thinking farther than taking advantage of and promoting a popular (easier?) ship but it seems to have affected the relationship of the members involved (Disclaimer: I don’t think that all permutations and combinations of relationships between the members have a possibility of being “real”. I don’t think it’s an everyone loves everyone situation.)

Will Bang or the company try to take the credit if Taekook are outed by accident? The way they act, I feel like they are pretty confident that no such thing will happen. In the very minute chance that it does, I think they'll wash their hands of Taekook and let them fend for themselves. I don’t think they’ve done the groundwork to benefit from such a situation nor do I think they are making it easy for Taekook. The narratives put forth in In The Soop and other content do the opposite of cushioning the blow. There’s no overall consistency and it’s really hard to predict how such things will play out, so I don’t know if they have any plans centered around Taekook right now much less back when they discovered that Taekook might not be typical bandmates. 

I'm not sure what you meant by that last paragraph but why Lisa?

#taekook #vkook #ask me questions #bts taehyung #bts jungkook

[big-tiddie-squad]

My Cafe Date With U

    @twancingyunhoe good morning sunshine! I love youuuu heres my first fluff just for you! 🥰🥰🥰

All inner thoughts are represented by ~~

  Yourname365 has joined THE WORLD.

   You see your user name floating in front of your eyes, excited to finally be able to play with the new VR system.

   You’d been hoping to win the mini competition the nearby store had been hosting, in hopes to be the first to experience it. Well, the first “regular” person, .... and to get away from the real world for a little while, and the voice that keeps you down.

   ~Stupid and childish to play such a little game. What a waste of time.~

                                                    Please... not now.

   Its been oppen to the rich and various celebrities across the globe for several months now. But that doesn’t matter. You��re just excited to escape. You’d heard that you can use the sensory pads to actually feel things in The World. There’s even a small ox of tablets that allow you to TASTE the foods in this virtual world.

                                               ~POINTLESS.~

    You look down at your hands. Everything looks so real. You’d made your in-world self similar to how you look in the real world. When it becomes open to the rest of the real world, you wanted your friends to recognize you easily. Though... technically you could have made yourself into a small faerie like creature with cat ears and a tail and they’d probably assume its you.

                ~Everyone hates you. You have no friends. Those people just feel                                                            sorry for you~ 

                                                     I...I know.....

   You look around The World and are awestruck. You’re in the middle of a small city. The roads are made with different shades of red brick and the trees offer the perfect ration of sunlight to shade. There’s 2 or 3 cafes with a few celebrities and other famous people you never would have thought you’d see here.

    Everything is so bright and it warms you almost as if it was real sunlight. You’re glad you chose to use the sensory pads on the first trip here. The trees sway slightly and a light breeze caresses your bare arms. Your old t-shirt and pj pants were replaced with a nicer shirt and a pair of leggings.

   “I wonder what all I can do? ....Is it appropriate to just walk up to famous people here and ask? No.... no I won’t bother them. Maybe there’s a starter guide in the menu?” You say to yourself. “Let’s see,” you somehow manage to open the menu, which is a great start, and begin walking to the nearest cafe that you had seen. The menu blocks most of your view but you have a pretty good memory and you continue to walk as you search for a guide. “Inventory? No. Settings? No.... hmmm...oof!” You slam into something solid.

   “ SORRY! Sorry!” You repeat and bow, panicking as you realize you can’t figure out how to close the menu now.

                      ~Here we go again... Once a moron always a moron~

                                               Please stop.

   “I’m so sorry this menu blocks my whole view! I can’t figure out how to close it... I’m so so so sorry!” You feel hands on your arms, steadying you and keeping you from bowing anymore. “Hey, it’s ok haha. No harm done just take a deep breath.” A wonderful voice says, exuding nothing but kindness and understanding. It sounds so familiar....

    “Just twitch your right pinky finger, it opens and closes the menu.” The man explains calmly. You try it.... and it works. You keep your eyes down, then go to bow again and thank the person and again he keeps you from bowing again. You can’t bring yourself to look up at him. To look at which famous person you embarrassed yourself in front of, your FIRST TIME here in The World.

                                      ~STUPID STUPID STUPID~

                                                    please....

                          ~How could you have been so STUPID.~

     You should have just looked at the instructions.

                           ~What an idiot there you go again making a                                                                     fool of yourself. PATHETIC.~

   Your eyes water at the intrusive thoughts. You notice your body starting to shake. Your breath is becoming more and more uneven. You feel like the heat is being sucked out of you.

   A panic attack.

   The man in front of your notices and speaks but it sounds like he’s underwater. Like YOU’RE underwater.

                                          ~It’s hopeless.~

   You feel him guide you and pull you down... into a chair. He moves his hands slowly down to your hands and holds them both. You’re shaking like a leaf. Unable to speak or focus much. And then you hear a muffled tune. The thumbs of the strangers hands both rub small circles on yours and occasionally apply a little pressure and the circles continue again. The combination of both the muffled tune and the circles being rubbed onto your hand provide something for you to focus on. 

    You feel yourself calming down from the attack after a few minutes and the muffled tune breaks through to a lovely voice.

   “-hangsang nae gyeote meomulieo jwo-”

  You recognize the words... that voice... you stare at his hands. His strong hands. Ones you’ve gushed over before. Tentatively, you look up. Up into the most beautiful eyes you’ve ever seen. 

   Your heart kick starts.

  Yunho....

   You stare, dumbfounded as he quietly cuts off before the next verse. “Better now?” His worrying eyes take in every feature on your face and suddenly you feel the heat rise in your cheeks and along your neck. “Y--yes. Thank you....” You manage to fumble out. He smiles softly and then chuckles seeing the tinge of red. It’s like everything brightens more with his smile and laughter. “ I’ll go grab you something to eat and drink... I know it’s fake but who doesn’t like food?” He leaves you to go inside the building you’re both by.

   You realize now that he has sat you down at a cafe and you look around taking the beauty of it. You stare at the pretty little bouquet of Dahlias sitting in the middle of your table. Yunho returns with 2 hot teas and a large slice of tiramisu.

    “...I hope you like tea and tiramisu.... I forgot to ask. It’s ok if you don’t though, I can go get something else for you.” He rambles a little all while holding two small forks.

   You smile and laugh. “I love tiramisu and tea. For that matter I love both hot and cold tea. But uh... what’s with the tiny forks?” You ask curiously.

   He shyly smiles as you take one. “ I think they’re cute. Honestly, I think all small things are cute.” He looks you in the eye and clears his throat before looking at the cake. “Hope you don’t mind sharing.” He smiles and digs in taking a comedic sized scoop of the cake and shoveling it into his mouth. You laugh and eat some yourself. The flavor explodes in your mouth and you could almost actually believe you're actually sitting with Yunho eating cake. THE YUNHO!

   “You’re... You’re Yunho, right? You’re in Ateez?” You question. He stops eating and you see a little powdered espresso on his lips before he swipes his tongue across it and licks it clean. "You’ve heard of us?” He looks so proud. “Of course I love your guys’ music! You’re all extremely talented!” You gush before becoming shy again.

                       ~Don’t be any weirder than you already are. He’s                                                       only being nice because you had a panic attack.~

                                                 Shut up.

   “Thank you! It’s always nice to hear from a fan. ...and such a pretty one at that.” He beams.

                                              ~He’s lying.~

                                                SHUTUP.

                                  ~He’s supposed to be nice to all-~

                    SHUTUP. Just... let me be happy for one moment... 

                                        Just one single moment.

                                            ~.......................~

   Yunho reaches across the table towards you and brushes a tear off your face. When did that happen? “Are you okay?” He asks, voice filled with concerned. “Why are you crying?” You wipe the tears that follow in the first ones place... you feel you can tell him...it’s not like you’ll see him ever again anyways right? “I have.... I have intrusive thoughts. It’s like my subconscious always has something mean or hateful to add. I keep having the thoughts lately. Sometimes it feels like its just me and that tiny hateful little voice in the back of my mind. It makes me feel stupid and worthless....” you trail off... you’re talking to much again... the voice always said you talked to much.

  Yunho is staring at you... eyebrows scrunched and frown on his perfect face. He stands up and walks over to you. Then turns your chair so that you face him and then pulls you up and out of it. He wraps you in a hug, strong arms incasing you and rests his chin on your head. “Tell that voice, that Yunho said to be quiet and leave you alone. I don’t want you to ever think that way about yourself. If you do, I want you to come straight to me. I know we don’t know each other well but if you feel down I’ll be waiting here for you. You’re a perfect, beautiful human being and you deserve to see yourself and treat yourself as one. So tell that voice to go away and never come back. Okay?”

   You stand there... shocked. Unable to produce anymore tears and the feeling of copious amounts of kindness and love radiating from him and the words he’s just said.

   I deserve to see and treat myself as a a perfect, beautiful human being.

   You nod your head and after several minutes, something that sounds like a ringtone goes off. Yunho releases you and his eyes seem to stare off into the distance before he blinks and looks back down at you. “ That was my phone going off. Unfortunately, i have to go to practice now. It was nice meeting you-... oh wow I’m so sorry I never asked you for your name?”

    You smile. “It’s y/n. go on, don’t let me hold you up. Wouldn’t want you to be late for practice.”

   He smiles widely, “ Can-... can we meet here tomorrow again? Around 2? If you aren’t busy of course. I want to talk to you more. We can talk about whatever you like. Your day, your life, your likes/dislikes, or your feelings? Whatever you want.” He looks hopeful and anxious, pulling at the bottom of his shirt.

   “Sure.” You say filled with more confidence than you ever thought you could muster. In less than an hour, he helped give you back some of your confidence. He helped you realize you were more than that little voice said you were.

   That’s how you met him. That’s why you meet up several times a week in a virtual world now. Why you both want to meet up in the real world now. That’s how these cafe dates with HIM started. 

#ateez fluff #roommates #for my roommate #ateez yunho #ateez fic #not a fluff writer #not even a writer #i hope it's okay #it's a little after 3 am #intrusive thoughts #depression #cafe

[5hfanfiction]

Love Will Remember

Chapter 39: The Wedding

Some of us have experienced heartbreak in the most agonising way possible. The ache in your chest may be new or it may still be there after months or even years.

Now you’re questioning yourself.

Why weren’t you good enough? What could you have done to make them stay? Maybe if you loved them a bit harder, they would’ve realised something. That maybe you wanted them with every fibre of your being. That maybe if you went out with them a bit more, that things would’ve worked out. Maybe if you did things they liked, they would’ve changed their minds.

So you sit there, in the shower, crying. Wondering what went wrong. Why didn’t they love you the way they claimed they did? Why didn’t they choose you, when all you would’ve done was choose them in a heartbeat. Over and over again. Maybe your vision was clouded for a moment, but you knew deep down that you wanted them.

You just wanted them to try. To want you as much as you wanted them.

Loving too much always kills you. It rips you apart and messes up your mind. It leaves you wide awake at 3 in the morning wishing you never had any feelings.

But yet, you still find yourself loving them even though you don’t want to.

You yearn for their touch. You long to feel their lips against yours and your tongues to brush together. You want to fall asleep next to them, you want the intertwined limbs, the sound of their heartbeat that metaphorically only beats for you.

You want the pointless bickering, the long walks, the late night phone calls, the good morning texts, the cute pictures, and whatever else there is.

But mostly, you want them.

And it hurts to the point that you don’t want love to come knocking on your door anymore. You don’t want to even hear the word love because love is just an illusion, right? That’s fine. It’s okay to protect your heart. It’s okay to not want to let someone in.

But maybe, you weren’t only just the innocent party.

What if you didn’t let them try? What if they wanted to try and you shut them down? On purpose or not.

It’s over now, and you can’t help but wonder, will everything be okay? Will I be okay? Will we find our way back to each other?

Who really knows?

The cliche saying, “if it’s meant to be, it’ll find it’s way back to you.” We all will have our opinion on that saying. Some may say, if it’s meant to be, it’ll never go away in the first place. And some, may think that it’s not the time to be together just yet.

Again, who really knows?

But, this is cryptic enough, it is a wedding chapter after all. Let’s get into the lovey dovey heart-wrenching bullshit.

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate then when I fall asleep your eyes close.” These are the infamous words of Pablo Neruda. How many of you would kill to hear those three little words?

Love recognises no barriers. It knows not of race, social class, distance and many other ‘issues’ that people are so quick to point out.

Do you ever have that feeling of connection? Knowing that someone; your significant other, whoever it may be, was out there somewhere thinking about you the same time you were thinking about them? It’s difficult to imagine your life without them, because they have such a hold over you.

It’s the way they touch you without their hands, it’s the way they make you feel as though everything is going to be alright, it’s the way they touch your soul, it’s the way you fall in love with them over and over again each and every single day.

It’s when, the “if it’s meant to be, it’ll find it’s way back to you,” comes back to you.

Maybe ten years from now, you’ll be admiring the view from your apartment in New York, reminding your significant other about the time they broke your heart. It’s petty, but you might do it. Then, you’ll look at the ring on your finger, and you’ll realise that it’s worth it. That the pain was worth it.

You’ll kiss them and tell them that you love them. And everyday thereafter would feel like a dream. It’ll make the dramatic crying in the shower worth it. It’ll make the excruciating pain in your chest worth it. It’ll make the questioning as to whether or not, you were good enough worth it.

But.

What if you don’t end back up with that person? Maybe you decided to let love back in. Whoever the person is, they would hold your heart as though it was the most precious thing on this earth. They’ll look at you, and you’ll feel as though you’re the only two persons to ever exist. Their voice is enough to drive you crazy, and their touch. Oh boy, their touch would be able to knock you off your feet.

And the good part about this?

They’ll be there to catch you when you fall.

Lauren and Camila’s relationship was never smooth sailing. It had the constant fighting. The constant “Why are you dating me?” The constant questioning whether or not they loved each other. And to top that off, the accident that seemed to have ended everything.

But it didn’t.

Not even memory loss could’ve stopped Lauren from loving Camila. She may have took some time to remember the love of her life, but she couldn’t just ignore the way her heart raced at the sight of the brunette. She couldn’t help the way she felt around her. So even though her mind forgot, love remembered.

Love will always remember.

They found their way back to each other after everything. After all their trials and tribulations, they found their way back to each other and did not intend on letting go.

*** *Camila’s Changing Room*

“Guys,” Camila ran into her changing room. “Where is Ally? Why isn’t she here yet?!” She asked all flustered, eyes darting wildly across the room.

Ally had become ordained just for this occasion. They couldn’t see themselves being married by anyone else but by the woman.

Dinah, Maggie, Ariana had just finished getting ready. They were all clad in white dresses that had a lace top. Much to Ariana’s protest, she was dragged into being part of Camila’s bridal party because her girlfriend insisted that she had to be.

“I don’t know. I tried calling her, but I think her phone is dead,” Dinah said as she pulled her friend into the room and directed her to sit. “She’ll be here. Don’t worry. Let’s get you dolled up.”

Camila tried to quell her nerves. She wanted everything to be perfect. It needed to be perfect. Because Lauren deserved that much. She deserved nothing less than perfection. Three months had passed since their engagement and both women couldn’t possibly wait to start their lives afresh together.

“Knock, knock,” a familiar British accent snapped Camila’s out of her thoughts. When she looked up and laid eyes on the familiar blonde nurse, she couldn’t help the huge smile that graced her lips.

Camila got up quickly from her seat, ignoring the protests from her makeup artist, pulling the woman in a hug.

“Please, don’t smudge your….make up,” the makeup artist groaned when she realised Camila already did.

Upon release from the hug, both women looked at each other from an arms length.

“Pez,” the brunette breathed out. “I can’t believe it’s you.”

Perrie chuckled. “Did you think I’ll miss your wedding?” She smiled. “You have Dinah Jane to thank for my invite.”

The Polynesian did curtsy. “I’m just here repairing friendships and relationships. I think I deserve an award.”

Camila gave Dinah a give hug and went back to get her makeup done. “How long are you here for? I remember you once told me that you were planning on moving back to England.”

Perrie nodded. She glanced at Ariana and Maggie who were bickering in the corner of the room for god alone knows what. “Yeah. I did move back to England. But I’m just here for a week. It’s nice to be back in New York. And it’s nice to be back for such a special occasion.” She sent a playful wink at Camila. “I always knew it would’ve worked out.”

The bride laughed. “To be honest, at one point, I didn’t think it would’ve worked out. I didn’t think we would’ve been where we’re at today. But I’m so grateful that we did.”

“We all are,” Maggie butted in. “It literally feels as though it’s been 84 years. But it doesn’t matter. We are finally getting a Camren wedding!”

Dinah high fived her. “Couldn’t have said it better myself. But now that your hair and makeup is done, let’s get you into that dress.”

*** *Lauren’s Changing Room*

“How come you’re not freaking out?” Normani asked as she zipped up the back of Lauren’s dress. “Shouldn’t you be a nervous wreck?”

Lauren laughed. “I’m trying not to look nervous, but if you can feel my pulse right now, it’ll feel just like a sledgehammer.”

“Okay that literally does not make any sense. A sledgehammer is heavy and if you’re beating that to the beat of a heart, it’ll be very slow, which means you’re probably dying,” Mendes pointed out as she did the finishing touches on her hair.

“Dying of excitement!” Taylor exclaimed. “I may not have approved of the way Camila just left you, but I see the way she makes you happy. And I’m happy for you, hermana. I really am.” She clasped her sister on the shoulder. “Just don’t go fucking it up.”

Lauren rolled her eyes and shook her head smiling. “I don’t have any intentions to. I love her. I want this. I want nothing more than to marry her and make her a Jauregui. This is what I’ve always wanted since I met her. Since I realised I was falling in love with her.”

“Despite the fact that she ran off, tried to kill herself, faked memory loss and didn’t want to come back to you,” Mendes glared at Normani who shrugged. “What? I’m just stating facts. Sometimes the heart is stupid. And sometimes it makes wise decisions besides it’s stupidity. I love the two of them more than anything. I’m glad you found your way back to each other.”

The bride clutched her chest and gasped dramatically. “Aw, Mani. Stop it. You’re going to make me feel things. Happy things.”

Normani laughed. “Ew. Let’s not. Feelings are disgusting.”

Taylor snorted. “Says the one who’s practically pestering Keith on when he’s going to pop the question to you,” the journalist punched her friend’s sister in the arm. “Ouch. Why am I even hanging out with you guys? I’m going to look for a sugar daddy. See you coming up the aisle, Laur. Break a leg.”

The younger Jauregui waved at the women as she exited the room. Not a moment later, Clara Jauregui stepped inside.

“Mija,” she said through tears. She hadn’t even gotten a full look at her daughter and had already began crying. “You look so beautiful.”

Lauren playfully rolled her eyes and turned to face her mom when her friends were done helping her get dressed, they excused themselves to allow the mother-daughter duo to have their moment.

“Mom, what did we say about crying?” The CEO asked as she was pulled into a hug by her mother.

“I never agreed to that. It’s every mothers’ dream to watch their child walk down the aisle,” Clara gently touched Lauren’s cheek. “I’m so happy for you, mija. You deserve this. And Camila, she’s such a lovely girl. I can’t wait to have her as my daughter in law.”

Lauren couldn’t help but feel endeared as to how much her mother loved her future wife. When the Jauregui family realised that Camila was back, they were shocked, but also extremely happy because they had searched for her for years, but always came up empty handed.

“I’m glad you approve mom. I really do. She couldn’t make me any happier than I already am. I’m not perfect, but I’m going to try to be for her. I’m going to be the wife that she deserves,” Clara couldn’t hold in the tears anymore. She began full on sobbing. “Mamiiiii,” the older Jauregui daughter whined.

Clara raised a hand to silence her daughter and dried her tears. She pulled a box out of her pocket, upon opening, it was revealed to be a family heirloom that had been passed down from generations. All the Jauregui women had worn in on their wedding. And now, the hair infamous Jauregui pin, was now Lauren’s to use.

Clara slipped the pin into her daughter’s hair and wrapped her arms around her daughter from behind, placing her chin on her shoulder.

“I love you, mija. Marriage is a huge step, but I know you’re ready to take it,” she kissed her daughter on the cheek. “The wedding is going to begin soon. Are you ready?”

Lauren smiled and nodded her head. “I’m ready.”

*** *Wedding Ceremony*

The guests had almost all arrived and took their seats. They were busy chatting about the decorations and how excited they were to see the brides. Meanwhile, Ally had yet to arrive leaving Camila to be in a mode of panic.

“Guys, where the fuck is Ally?” The bride was almost in tears. “I knew I should’ve asked Maggie to get ordained too!”

The restauranteur, who was busy shovelling appetisers down her throat, had looked up at the mention of her name. “Hm?” She swallowed. “Oh no no no no. I talk a whole load of horse shit. You wouldn’t want me to marry you,” Ariana snickered. “I’m sure Ally would be here soon.”

At the mention of Ally’s name, the woman approached them; smiling broadly. She sent a subtle wink at Ariana who returned the gesture.

Everyone’s eyes were trained on the woman; glaring at her but she seemed to ignore it.

“Hey, guys. No need for photographs,” the woman giggled.

Camila approached her fuming. “Ally! Where the hell have you been?! We’ve been calling you! The wedding is about to start and you only JUST got here! What the fuck?”

Ariana placed a comforting hand on her friend’s shoulder. “Camila relax. Ally is here. The wedding can begin soon. Let’s get into positions okay.”

The bride inhaled and exhaled loudly through her nose, trying to calm herself down. “You’re right. Let’s get into formation.”

Ariana and Ally snickered, causing Dinah and Maggie to wonder what was going on between the two. They hadn’t exactly been friendly. But ever since they were stuck together and went cake shopping for the wedding, they had seemed to take a liking to one another.

Ally headed to take her position at the top of the altar, whilst the bridal party took their positions on either side of the walkway. Lauren’s group on the left, while Camila’s was on the right.

Given that Camila had no one to walk her down the aisle, Lauren chose against asking her father to walk with her, but rather both of them walk by themselves.

The song they chose to walk down the aisle to was Perfect Duet by Ed Sheeran and Beyoncé. The song started playing causing all the guests to stand to their feet.

What no one was expecting was to see both Ed and Beyoncé entering into view and standing on either side of Ally.

“BEYONCÉ?!” Dinah and Normani screamed at the same time. “OH MY GOD ITS BEYONCÉ!” They said at the same time again. “OH MY GOD!”

Ally winked at her friends who then realised that she was the one behind it. Finally everything made sense as to why she had been late.

“I found a love. For me. Oh darling, just dive right in. And follow my lead. Well, I found a girl. Beautiful and sweet. Oh, I never knew you were the someone. Waitin’ for me. 'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love. Not knowin’ what it was I will not give you up this time. But darling, just kiss me slow. Your heart is all I own. And in your eyes, you’re holding mine,” Ed sang as his voice filled the speakers. It took a moment for everyone to process what had been going on before they started to walk down the aisle.

It was now Camila’s turn to walk down the aisle as Dinah had made practically power walked down to get a better view of her idol. She took a deep breath. This was finally happening. Her happy ever after was about to begin.

“Baby, I’m dancing in the dark. With you between my arms. Barefoot on the grass. Listening to our favourite song. When you said you looked a mess. I whispered underneath my breath. But you heard it. Darling, you look perfect tonight,” Camila felt all eyes on her but she dared not look, because it would’ve only intensified her nerves. When she stopped walking, Ed took the bride’s hand and kissed it, causing her to blush.

Maggie elbowed Dinah and whispered softly. “If only Lauren saw that, Ed would’ve been dead.” They laughed to themselves causing curious eyes to look at them.

It was now Lauren’s group to begin their way down the aisle. Normani had been internally and externally panicking; taking deep breaths as she was literally breathing the same air as Beyoncé.

“Well, I found a woman. Stronger than anyone I know. She shares my dreams. I hope that someday we’ll share a home. I found a love. To carry more than just my secrets. To carry love, to carry children. Of our own. We are still kids, but we’re so in love. Fightin’ against all odds. I know we’ll be alright this time. Darling, just hold my hand. Be your girl, you’ll be my woman. And I see my future in your eyes,” Mendes practically skipped down the aisle, smiling cheerfully at everyone. The only thing she was excited for was the food after the wedding because she was starving.

It was Normani’s turn to walk and her heart was hammering against her chest. “Holy shit,” she muttered under her breath as she made her way down.

“Well, baby, I’m dancing in the dark. With you between my arms. Barefoot on the grass. While listening to our favorite song. When I saw you in that dress. Looking so beautiful. I don’t deserve this. Darling, you look perfect tonight,” Both Ed and Beyoncé sang beautifully. Normani stood frozen for a few moments until Lauren cleared her throat loudly behind her. When she found her place near Mendes, she made awkward eye contact with Beyoncé and almost passed out.

When Lauren was revealed, all eyes were on her. The nerves had gotten to her and her eyes wildly danced around until it locked with her sister; Taylor. She sent her a reassuring smile.

“Baby, I’m dancing in the dark. With you between my arms. Barefoot on the grass. While listenin’ to our favorite song. I have faith in what I see Now I know I have met an angel. In person. And she looks perfect. No, I don’t deserve this. You look perfect tonight,” the singers softly sang the last words as Lauren stopped beside her soon to be wife. When both their eyes locked and the took in the appearance of the other, nothing more than falling in love again could be said to have happened.

As the music stopped, and the guests sat down, Ally smiled brightly at everyone before addressing them.

“I just want to thank Beyoncé and Ed for making a last minute visit for the happy couple. The song was absolutely lovely,” Ally directed at the singers who did a bow and waved at the guests. Shortly after, they took their leave.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, we are gathered her today to celebrate the love of my friends Lauren Michelle Jauregui and Camila Cabello,” Ally casted her eyes upon her friends. “In the years they have been together, their love and understanding of each other has grown and matured, and now they have decided to live their lives together as wife and wife.”

Maggie sniffled. “Fuck. I’m already crying. I hate myself. Ariana hold me, please.” Her girlfriend wrapped an arm around her. “I’m so so happy.”

“Marriage is a big step. It’s not something everyone would want. It isn’t going to be a bed of roses. It isn’t always going to be what we see on tv, where the couple is having a great time enjoying their married life. Marriage is also, the pointless arguing. It’s the harsh words that are thrown at one another even though you don’t mean it. But it’s the coming back together in the end and apologising. It’s the falling in love with your significant other over again,” Ally said as she was trying to stop herself from crying. “I was lucky to find my life partner.” She glanced out into the crowd and found her husband Will, who was holding their daughter.

“Marriage is a bond that isn’t just on paper. It’s where souls, bodies and minds are united. It’s where you love the person unconditionally, despite of their flaws despite of their imperfections. You accept them wholeheartedly and willingly choose to spend a forever with them.”

The brides were having trouble containing their emotions. Every word Ally said had hit them hard in their hearts.

“These two beautiful women endured a lot to reach to where they are today. I was allowed to share their story,” Lauren took Camila’s hand and gave it a light squeeze before releasing it. “Their meeting was unconventional…to say the least,” Ally chuckled. “Their love story started of in the bathroom where Camila broke down. And it only blossomed then. We all thought, that it was over one year later. But let me tell you, not even memory loss could’ve stopped this love,” Lauren laughed softly. “I don’t think any force on this earth can stop their love. They say, if it’s meant to be, it’ll be. It’s not just a thing people say, it happens. Things have a way of falling into place when you least expect it.”

“Love. No matter what, has the power to remember. Even when the mind tries to forget, the heart can never. The heart will remember,” the guests who were mainly family were fully aware of how much the couple’s relationship was a rollercoaster ride, that most of them were in tears. “Can I have the rings?”

At the mention of the rings, that was when everything started to feel real. It was winding down. Their happy ever after was going to begin.

One of Lauren’s younger cousins, brought the rings and handed them off to the brides. They agreed on a simple matching pair of rings that had either of their initials on it and the words 'Love Will Remember’ engraved on the inside.

“I want you to face one another, take each other’s hand,” Ally directed. When the brides faces one another they realised that they both were drowning in tears. It was going to be emotional for them given what they both had been through. “Camila? Are you ready to recite your vows?”

The brunette nodded and began placing the ring on Lauren’s finger. “With this ring, I, Camila Cabello, do hereby solemnly promise, to love you, Lauren Michelle Jauregui with all my heart until my dying breath. I promise to cherish you, to respect you, to know that you’re trying your best, to be your best friend, to agree to disagree on chocolate cake. I promise to love you in the good and bad days,” Camila said through her tears. “I want to fall in love with you when I see you falling in love with our children when they’re born. I want to continue to fall in love with you every single day until I’m senile and don’t remember who you are. But then I’ll fall in love with you again because you’re that amazing,” Lauren and Maggie laughed loudly at Camila’s lame attempt at a joke, meanwhile the  rest of the bridal party, along with Ally and everyone else remained quiet. “See? This is how I know you’re the one. You laugh at my jokes. I love you, Lauren. I can stand here all day telling you reasons why I want to marry you, but you are the only reason. I love you,” she finished slipping the ring on Lauren’s finger and brought it to her lips. “Love Will Remember.”

Ally then turned to Lauren. “Are you ready to recite your vows?”

The green eyed bride inhaled deeply and began to slip the ring on Camila’s finger. “With this hand, I will lift your sorrows, your cup will never empty for I will be your wine, with my heart, I will love you unconditionally. You will never have to question my feelings for you. I will love you forever. Until my dying breath. With this ring, I ask you to be mine.”

Normani wiped at the tears that were flowing down her cheeks. “This bitch didn’t just use the Corpse Bride’s vows and switched it up a bit on our asses. I loved that movie.”

“I love you, Camila. I have never loved anyone more than I love you. I have never believed in soulmates but I do now. I do believe in destiny because of you. I never expected to fall for someone and for someone like you because we are from two completely different worlds. But that didn’t stop the growing feelings I had since the beginning of our relationship,” Lauren used her other hand and stroked Camila’s cheek. “When I look at you, I see the rest of my life. I see us sitting on the front porch, looking at our grandkids, I see myself loving you until I can’t anymore. I love you, Camila Cabello. You are the love of my life and I can see that in your eyes when you look at me. This is the beginning of our forever,” Lauren kissed the ring she placed on her soon to be wife’s finger. “Love Will Remember.”

Ally smiled happily when the couple were finished with their vows, and turned to face the crowd, “Before I go any further, does anyone have any reasons as to why these women cannot be joined together in holy matrimony?”

Maggie handed her bouquet to Ariana and glared at the crowd. “If any of y'all have any shit to say, y'all gonna have to go through me. I spent millions in keeping this girl alive,” she pointed at Camila, “and I spent many months hoping they’ll fall back together. So sit down and shut up,” she glanced at Lauren’s ex boyfriend and former doctor. “That means you, Mahfud.”

The couple laughed and Ally spoke up again. “Seeing as there are no objections, I now pronounce you wife and wife, you may now kiss the bride.” This was the first kiss that they were going to share as a married couple and it was everything and more that they expected. The moments their lips touch, it elicited sparks throughout their entire bodies.

“Release the doves,” Dinah yelled.

Camila laughed against Lauren’s lips. “This is perfect.”

Her wife shook her head. “No,” she placed a kiss on her lips again. “You’re perfect.”

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, Mrs and Mrs Jauregui,” Ally gestured at the newly weds. “May your life together be filled with ever lasting happiness.”

***

I could’ve went deeper into the wedding but eh 🤷🏻‍♀️ I thought the vows were the main part lol. Just one more chapter!! Well just the epilogue. I can’t wait for this to be done.

Wattpad:Commander_Camren

#UPDATE #g!p #camren #romance fluff #submission #Love Will Remember

[arkus-rhapsode]

Fairy Tail Chapter 540 Review

Boy is this a chapter I have mixed feelings about…

Our cover page is the sun village arc! Huh, kinda odd how no one ever talks about it.

We open in the Ravines of Time. Where Natsu is able to figure out this is Acnologia. Y’know Wendy did the same thing I’m wondering if it’s the smell power dragon slayers have that tips them off.

Acnologia shows off how he has all the dragon slayers in pillars. He goes on to explain that eating the ravines have given him time-space magic, which will give him the power to destroy the world. Y’know given how strong Acnologia is I don’t think he needed more help destroying the world.

Okay I’m going to ask you to keep this term he uses of “I shall exterminate you all” in mind for later. As well as this image of Igneel being killed by Acnologia. Trust me there’s a reason.

Outside the Ravines, Acnologia flies away to Magnolia (of course where else would he go). But what appears from the sky?

Yep, it is true. If you are a good guy no matter how unimportant, you’re going to live. This is still stupid but honestly I’m not as mad at this because these two are both pointless and I wouldn’t care about their status either way.

Yeah Anna, you fucked up.

So Anna explains that Acnologia due to having so much power has lost direct control of his physical body to compensate his soul is still in the ravines controlling the body, and he needs the dragon slayers to help circulate the body.

Alright first off, I will give the chapter this, this is a really cool idea. Now one could say this is giant contrivance that just exists so we have a way to defeat Acnologia easier highlighted by the fact he’s in human form. I will agree that this mainly happened just so we could make it easier to defeat him, but I will defend the human form because it’s his soul and no matter what Acnologia is human on the in side.

Second, why he didn’t kill you? If he need Dragon Slayers to properly control his body why didn’t he just kill you instead of spending time pushing you out?

Third, remember I asked you to remember the phrase “I shall exterminate…”, well this basically means he’s no exterminating them he’s just imprisoning them. So really his motivation of destroy dragons is pointless because he’s not going to kill them and actually needs them.

After hearing this Erza decides to embark to Magnolia. (Yeah sure ignore the fact your body is still damaged.

I had said that I enjoyed half of this chapter and that half was everything about the dragon slayers. This other half is just awful and pointless, and you’ll soon see.

Oh look it’s Mest. Guess everyone was wrong he doesn’t have a loli detector, he has a plot convenience detector.

So Mest Teleports Erza to Magnolia…

Slogan of the series…

And here is why I hate this half of the chapter. That it and by extension what’s happening with Erza, is a waste of potential. For the last couple months since the end of the Irene fight, Erza has been a glorified extra. She has sat on her ass and contributed nothing of value or anything character related (outside of that very small conversation about trust that went nowhere). You could white all of Erza’s scenes since getting on christina and insert any background fairy tail character, like Max, warren, Nab, etc, and you would get all of her scenes to the same effect. But now we are presented with a moment that could be a big characterization moment solely for Erza.

Now we have Erza seeing Makarov alive again, after see herself watched his sacrifice and used it as tool to help stop Natsu and Gray from fighting. But not only that, we have had her go through an experience where she met her biological parent and throughout it said that Makarov was her real parent. That want mentality helped Erza through fighting against Irene, that rage and loss she felt helped motivate her and now you have her seeing that he is alive once again. She can have this opportunity to reflect on how actually relived she is and how she’s able to be with her parent again. This should be a big moment for her, not something that can be solved in this few of panels! It’s so impersonal that once again we could easily replace Erza with any other FT member and we’d get the same effect from this wasted scene.

This isn’t me hating this chapter solely on Erza, this is me hating all the potential that her scenes could have and how compelling they could be this chapter. This isn’t the only scene either, that teleportation is another missed opportunity. We know Mest can’t directly teleport in kilometers, his magic only moves in small increments. Through this, while teleporting Erza could see all the destruction caused by Acnologia’s eternal flare and see how people, just normal people, were effected. She could be rattled by this and then seeing Makarov again puts her at peace or she could reflect on this, motivating her to want to stop Acnologia more. There is so much you could do to not humanize the situation their in, and it’s not taken advantage of.

So back on track…

Oh god, I simultaneously love and hate this scene. It is so great to see all of these characters together. It is so awesome. But what ruins this for me is a lot of these characters have done nothing for so long, by a base definition there’s no reason to start caring about them right now, and the other thing that hurts this is that again, wasted potential. All these characters and exploring character aspects of them, isn’t taken advantage of. How about Millianna being surprised that the OS were from the tower, or Kagura is happy to see Erza again, or Richard being happy that Sorano found her sister and he feels like finding Wally again. There’s tons of things you can do with this setup. By the way, Midnight and Minerva talked together, a ship has just been born!

And here’s what also gets me about this other half of the chapter. In the the grand scheme it’s pointless, because it seems to be setting up that they’ll handle the physical Acnologia. The one that is unstoppable and whatever fight they do put up is pointless because the Acnologia that’s controlling the body is going to fight the DS and if they kill the soul (Which they likely will) then body will stop working. Maybe they won’t fight it but it just seems like it’s set up to eat away more page space.

Back in the ravines Natsu breaks out of being encased.

Okay little odd here, Natsu used his damaged arm to break out. It’s implying that Wendy semi healed it to move (I’m going to assume she broke out while they were distracted). Why did Natsu need to use the broken arm to break out? He clear has another arm could’ve done it.

And again another missed opportunity. The are all breaking out because they hear the voice of the people that are waiting them, while cheesy I’d be fine with that, but again it could be more. Remember that image of the dead Igneel? We could maybe have had Natsu trapped in the pillar and then because this place is nebulous with time, we could flashes of Natsu’s timeline like that memory that motivate him to get his second wind. IN fact, you could do that for all the dragon slayers. Remember from my last review I had a problem with bringing focus on characters who’ve done nothing and are suddenly trust into relevance with out proper setup. Well through the way I desribed of having them see their time lines and becoming motivated it not only helps the audience be reminded of why should care about these characters but also helps the theme of this being an ending arc.

Okay not gonna lie, that’s a pretty awesome two page spread.

And we end on Acnologia’s face, and next chapter they will most likely fight. I’ll give credit to this, since they’ve escaped from the pillars Acnologia most likely has less control of his physical body thus prolonging time for the people outside of it, meaning the constant spouting of”we have to believe in them” actually matters.

Post Chapter follow up: As I said my feelings are mixed. I want to really like the stuff that was done well and I do. The problem is it’s also bogged down by these moments that could be so much more.

I’ll start with the positives, while this body split does exist more for making it easy to kill Acnologia it is still a very good idea. It’s definitely more interesting then the usual status of fights.

Also this is minor, but I love the atmosphere generated by the ravines of time. It really feels like this almost hopeless situation and the images of the dragon slayers in the pillars is so strong.

I also gotta give credit to the pacing of the chapter, it was much stronger than it usually is. I’m also very excited for the DS vs Acnologia.

The bad stuff, is pretty evident. It infuriates me how little goes into these moments that could add so much to the story and characters.Another thing in the bad side of things is just how pointless the stuff focusing on  the other characters outside the ravines are.

Also, another fake out death. Just because I’m not mad at it, it’s still bad writing.

Overall I want to say this could’ve been better if it cut out the scenes with the non dragon slayers and focused a bit more on them character and motivation wise. But since the Erza stuff is included we have to add this to the final grade.

Final Verdict: 4/10

What it does well it does well

Interesting setup

wasted potential

#fairy tail #erza scarlet #fairy tail 540 #fairy tail chapter 540 #natsu dragneel #lucy heartfilia #gray fullbuster #sting eucliffe #rogue cheney #midnight/macbeth #minerva orlando #sabertooth #gajeel redfox #juvia lockser #raijinshuu #thunder god tribe #laxus dreyar #crime sorciere #wendy marvell #acnologia #happy the cat #irene belserion #makarov dreyar #anna heartfilia #rhapsode reviews

[looselucy]

Crossword

14 Wednesday, December 22nd. Silence. Dr Jackson was making a lot of notes, which was weird, because I hadn’t said very much. “I finished for Christmas today.” I chirped. “I’m going home.” “You seem… excited? I wasn’t expecting that.” She didn’t lift her eyes from the paper. Myself and Harry had both discussed not telling Bryony about our little set up, because fucking hell, I’d never get out of therapy if she knew I was setting up fake relationships to deal with my family. I’d have to keep seeing her for the rest of my damn life.

I didn’t have any excuses as to why I wasn’t dreading spending some time at home. “Um, well… I just like Christmas.” I shrugged, and it wasn’t a lie. “It is the most wonderful time of the year, after all. Haven’t you heard?” As usual, she didn’t appreciate my joke. All she did, was stop writing for a moment, lifting her dead eyes to glare at me across the table, and then she dropped them again, and continued making notes. I rolled my eyes when she wasn’t looking, and then started moving my head around slowly as I eyed up the room, making noises to prove I was bored. Tutting and clicking and popping my lips as I looked behind me and then up to the roof, bored out of my mind. I hadn’t even been there long. I must have only been fifteen minutes into the session and I was exceptionally fed-up. I’d never really tried in any of my therapy meetings, but as the months went on it was getting more and more tedious. I’d been going to see her since September, and it was just so bloody dreary at that stage. So pointless and mind-numbing. “How do you feel about seeing your parents?” She asked, placing the notepad down on the table. “Um. Okay. I guess. I dunno.” “When was the last time you saw them?” “Few months ago.” I continued to shrug. “I don’t remember.” I’d last seen them in August. They eventually, reluctantly, came to see my flat. I dropped out of uni when I was 19, in May. Just after I turned 20, I moved into my flat in the city. I had lived there for just over a year before they’d bothered to come and see my place, to see how I was doing. I’d been to my family home to see them a few times, but it had taken them 14 months to come and see me. I hadn’t put in the effort after that. I didn’t see the point. “Florence, I need you to speak with your parents when you go home.” “Well, I wasn’t planning on blanking them.” I chuckled. “No. I want you to really talk to them. About how you feel. About how you think they’re disappointed in you.” “Please don’t make me do that.” I groaned. “I won’t gain anything from it. It’ll be a fucking bloodbath. I can’t do that.” She placed her elbows on the desk, staring at me intensely before she spoke, and for the first time in all those months of seeing her, I was genuinely intrigued by what she was going to say. “I’m willing to make you a deal, Florence.” “A deal?” “You need to speak with your parents, because it’s clearly upsetting you. Things need to actually be spoken about, rather than you just feeling badly about the way they feel, and the two of them being none the wiser.” “I just said I can’t!” “After Christmas, I’ll ring your mother. I’ll ask how the chat went, and tell her I advised it. If she says it went well, or even just acknowledges that it happened, I’ll tell her that I don’t feel any need to continue our sessions, and that you’re doing very well and she should be proud. If she doesn’t know what I’m talking about… I’m afraid you’ll have to keep seeing me.” I couldn’t decide if I was being blackmailed or if she was trying to help me. I sat forward, my brows creased in the centre as I tried to figure her out, kind of thinking that maybe she was joking. The look on her face proved she wasn’t. “Well, why wouldn’t you just… say that anyway? We both know I don’t need to be here.” I puzzled. “All I know, is that you have many issues with your parents that you’ve never even voiced to them. If you can’t tell them how you’re feeling, even when you have something to gain from it, then maybe you do need therapy.” “I don’t need therapy!” I cried. “Prove it.” Silence fell on the room once again as we glared at each other across the table, and I wanted to deny that she was making sense, but hell, the woman was making sense. The only thing we’d slightly learnt from the sessions was that things between me and my parents were not good. That was something I could start to work on without seeing a therapist. But if I couldn’t even talk to them about it, fuck, maybe there was something wrong with me. For once, me and Dr Jackson were on exactly the same page. “Okay.” I swallowed. “Well… what should I say?” “Tell them how you feel. Ask them how they feel about you. Tell them you’re happy with your life and ask why they can’t seem to be happy for you. Be as open with them as you physically can be." There was a pang in my chest, because I was absolutely terrified. Although things weren’t good, the fact that nothing had ever been said meant we had all floated along happily, ignoring the crater between us and just acting as though everything was okay. Saying something could just open the biggest can of worms there ever was, and that scared me to death. But if it meant closing a cycle that seemed endless, I was willing to give it a try. “Okay. I’ll do it.” I nodded, trying to hide the tremor in my voice. 15 I grabbed my mop from the weird closet in my kitchen, and hoisted it upwards, banging on my ceiling with a smile on my face. I put the mop back where I had found it, and then went and flopped onto my sofa, putting my feet up, watching my front door and wondering how long it would take Mo to appear. He must have been there in less than a minute, it was probably a record, but he was out of breath. “WHAT HAPPENED?” He screamed. “Wanna watch TV?” I smiled. “Holy shit, Ren. One day… One of these days, I am not going to run to your aid. I hope you know that.” “Well, I feel like it’s your own fault.” I dismissed. “Not once has it been an emergency, and you always run down to help me… so… I don’t know what you want from me.” “Maybe just text me, like a normal person.” “Not as fun.” “It is probably the only exercise I get, to be fair.” He faltered. “Umm… alright. I’ll keep doing the same thing. Alright, whatever, lets watch some TV.” He shut the door behind himself and I retracted my feet just in time before he jumped heavily onto the sofa with me, leaving me bouncing and giggling as I flicked the television on and started scanning through our options. “You heading home tomorrow?” He asked. “Yep.” “Excited?” “Only because Harry’s coming with me.” And that was the truth. Harry, though I barely knew the boy, was going to be my rock throughout the Christmas break, the one person there keeping me sane. I probably wouldn’t have bothered booking so much time off work if he wasn’t coming home with me. Though Mo and his family were Muslims, they celebrated Christmas in exactly the same way me and my family did, not really taking in the religious aspect, and just enjoying the season and all the subliminal joy that it brought with it. But he hadn’t booked any time off work. The coffee shop he worked at was closed on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day, so he still had a good amount of time to go and spend with them anyway. I think another reason that I was excited to go back with Harry, was to see if it made any difference at all to the way my parents saw me. They’d bothered me about not having a boyfriend numerous times, and I wanted to see if actually having one meant they could see an improvement in me, or if things would just stay the same. I was just so eager to see how things would be with him there with me. “Are you falling in love with him?” Mo asked me, as I settled on some animal documentary. “What?” I laughed. “No!” “Why not?” “What do you mean why not?” “I read in a book once,” He began. “That the average amount of time he takes to fall in love is three months. THREE MONTHS! That’s nothing, right?” “It’s not long.” I sighed. “Well you’ve been seeing him now for like, over a month? Right?” “Right.” “Shouldn’t you at least feel like you’re falling?” Mo didn’t know how unlikely that would be, given I wasn’t actually seeing Harry. I’d spent a bit of time with him over the past month. We’d gotten to know each other casually, and got used to one another, but I hadn’t spent as much time with him as I’d lead my friends to believe. Every time I’d been invited somewhere and I couldn’t be arsed leaving the house, I’d said I was with Harry. Every time I was actually with Harry, I said I was with Harry. I would randomly mention random things he’d said and acted as though the two of us were getting closer. “I dunno.” I puffed. “I’ve never been in love before. I don’t know how it goes.” “You must really like him.” “He’s alright. We’re just having fun, really. I don’t think it’s anything serious.” “Well you’re not getting any younger, Ren.” “Heyyyy!” I kicked him gently. “If I was you, I’d only be spending time with someone if they made me feel like I was falling.” “What’s wrong with just having fun?” “Nothing!” He yapped. “But you’re getting uglier by the day so you need to be careful.” I kicked him again and gave him the middle finger, and we settled for the evening. I liked living on my own. I liked always having my own time and being able to do and eat and watch whatever the hell I wanted, and no one could call me up on it. But I liked that Mo was so close. Someone I genuinely loved, was just the bash of a mop on my roof away from coming and keeping me company when I felt like I needed some company. We never did much exciting, really. We’d just sit around, watch tele, talk about things, bully each other, bitch about work, but that was all I needed really. Eventually he’d waddle back upstairs, and I’d go to bed feeling much better than I would have done sitting on my own. “I find it difficult to get on board with a nature documentary when David Attenborough isn’t narrating it.” Mo huffed after we’d been watching it for a while. “I was thinking the same thing.” “Find something else.” “There is nothing else.” “Put a film on then.” “The only DVD I own is Titanic.” “That’s… literally the most pathetic thing I’ve ever heard.” He laughed. The first day I moved into my flat, I wandered down to the DVD store around the corner, planning on building up this huge film collection, the type of collection people would comment on when they came round to my flat. That day, I’d felt like I needed a good cry. I was happy to have moved there and stuff, but it was scary. I’d moved to the city on my own, no friends, no job, nothing really. I felt like I needed a good cry to get it out of my system. So I bought Titanic. I hadn’t bought a single film since. “We could just watch that.” I shrugged. “No.” “Why?” “Because it’s a bad film.” “Get out.” I demanded, pointing to the door. “Get out of my house.” “It’s a terrible film.” “BLASPHEMY! OUT! GET OUT!” I was taken from my attempts to get him out of my house when my phone started ringing, vibrating on the coffee table in front of us. I leaned to pick it up and answer, until I noticed it was my sister who was ringing. This automatically made the call a lot less casual than I had been hoping for. I frowned as I got my feet, grabbing my phone and walking off into my bedroom, gesturing to Mo that I’d only be a minute as I shut the door, and then finally answered. “Hey.” I greeted, surprise in my voice. “Hi, darling. How are you?” Matilda sounded as jolly as ever. “I’m alright, are you?” “I’m fine, thank you sweetie. Are you going home tomorrow?” “Um, yeah.” I moved to sit on the edge of my bed. “Me and Harry are getting the train at umm… two, I think. What time will you be there?” Me and my sister had never really got on. By the time we were both old enough to move past the bullying and hating each other stage, my dad had inherited his money from my grandad and she became a bit of a snob. We never really had the opportunity to become close, like a lot of sisters were. But she was still my sister, and I still loved her. Especially since she didn’t voice her concern over my life quite as much as my parents did. We weren’t close, but she meant a lot to me. “I’m not going to be there tomorrow.” She replied simply. “What? Why?” “I’ve just got a lot going on.” She spoke, and then I heard her ordering a drink, predictably in a bar, and then she returned to our conversation. “Some plans have clashed and some things have come up, and I won’t be able to make it tomorrow.” “Oh.” I baffled. “Right. Okay.” I had also wanted her to meet Harry, because I knew she’d approve of him. Matilda was 23, and she’d been with her boyfriend since they were both 19. They were very happy and stable and cute and she’d been telling me I needed to find someone for longer than my parents had. She wasn’t quite as patronising and demeaning as my parents were when it came to the issue, but she still mentioned it a lot. I was glad I’d finally be able to shut her up. “Me and James will make an appearance on Christmas Day though. So I’ll see you, briefly, just not tomorrow. I think we will be around for New Years.” “I’m going to Harry’s for New Years.” “Well I probably won’t see very much of you then, sweetie.” Matilda spoke like she was a forty-year-old woman. She was one of those girls, her tits had appeared before even puberty had managed to hit, and her maturity had pretty much accompanied them. Listening to her speak over the phone, I found it easy to forget that she was just a couple of years older than me. “Matty, is everything okay?” I asked, worry lacing my words. Matty and Ren. When we were little, all the kids at school used to take the piss out of us for having ‘posh names’ but not actually being posh. After a while, we started making everyone call us Matty and Ren. Once my dad got his money, she wanted to be addressed as Matilda again. I stuck with Ren. Although, she didn’t. “Florence, everything is fine. I just thought I’d let you know. But I’ll see you Christmas Day. Be nice to mum! You know she’s still upset you didn’t go home last year.” “She’ll be fine. See you soon.” “Goodnight, Florence.” “Bye.” I groaned. I should have known the conversation wouldn’t end on a high note. It was a subconscious thing, I knew that, but the way my parents had doted on her and worshipped her, fussing over her every move all these years had made her thrive. She kind of liked that she was doing so much better than me. She liked that she could talk down to me and be the perfect child in their eyes, with little old me stringing behind, constantly letting them down. There was a part of her that really liked me being at rock bottom, because that only elevated the way they saw her. She didn’t mean any harm, I knew she had no control over it, but it was still fucking annoying. Maybe it was a good thing she wasn’t going to be around very much whilst I was staying with my parents. It all felt like it was running a little too smoothly. It all felt too good to be true. 16 “HOLD ON! HOLD ON I’M COMING!” I screamed. After I’d been round to Harry’s place, all I ever wanted to do was go round to Harry’s place. It was so beautiful. I would have happily died in that building. But he had insisted that he come round to mine to pick me up before we went to the train station, saying he needed to see my place before we went to see my parents, needed to know what he was working with. I heard the sound of a door creaking. “Um, don’t worry about it.” He bellowed, sounding confused. “It’s open!” I scurried out of my bathroom, through my bedroom, and stood myself in the doorway looking out into the hall Harry was stood there, having a nosy at my flat from his spot, seemingly intrigued by the walls that held my life together. “Hi!” I gasped. “Sorry, I’m running a little bit late.” I started to move again, dashing around my room and throwing any item of clothing I could find into my rucksack, groaning and whining away to myself. “Y’know, you should really lock your door.” I heard Harry say. “Urgh. You sound just like Mo.” I complained. “Who’s Mo?” “He’s my upstairs neighbour.” I zipped and clicked my bag shut. “Always complaining that I don’t lock my door.” “Well you should!” “Well I do when I remember.” I scurried back into the hall, hooking my arms through the straps of my bags and pulling it on, a little baffled when Harry wasn’t in sight. I wandered into my living room/kitchen, and Harry was drifting around and studying the place, holding his hands behind his back as he looked round like he was considering buying the damn place, a serious look on his face. I’d never looked at my place in the same way I did in that moment. I was almost embarrassed. Harry’s place was so unbelievably beautiful, mine looked like a shithole in comparison. It wasn’t even bad. It was small, yeah, but it was clean and tidy and it had everything I needed it to. But when Harry was studying it, I found myself cringing. “I like your place.” He smiled. “It’s got nothing on yours.” “Mine’s a bit extravagant.” He shrugged. “Yours is very homely. It’s cute.” He had this giant smile on his face, and I could tell he meant it. I wasn’t sure lying was in his nature, to be honest, I wasn’t sure he could physically do it. From what I’d seen of Harry, he was shockingly genuine. I kind of felt like, if he didn’t mean something, he just wouldn’t say it. I’d made all these predictions about Harry as I’d gotten to know him, come to all these conclusions and decisions. I couldn’t help but wonder what assumptions he had made about me. “Thanks.” I smiled. “Other side is the bedroom and stuff. But don’t go in there. It’s a bit of a mess right now.” “Alright.” He chuckled. “You ready to go?” My hair was already completely dishevelled. The rucksack on my back was old and battered, the clothes I was wearing were relatively dull. But Harry looked immaculate. His long hair was in perfect ringlets, a long coat on, a flamboyant shirt underneath, a light pink colour. He had on this long black coat, his tight black jeans, and some beige boots on his feet. Even his bag was gorgeous. He had it gripped in his left hand, it was large, black, leather. He just looked amazing. All the time. Even when he was at work, in his uniform, he looked amazing. My parents were going to adore him. “As ready as I’ll ever be.” I chirped. “I still can’t believe we’re doing this.” He huffed. “I don’t even know your middle name.” I smiled, shaking my head at him, and realising that even after a month of us meeting whenever we could, I still didn’t know him that well. It wasn’t just the middle name thing, but it was everything. Over the next couple of weeks, I was going to be in his company, constantly. It was going to be interesting. “It’s Daisy.” “Edward.” He replied. “I think we’re good to go now.” I flummoxed sarcastically. “Feel like I’ve known you my entire life now.” He clicked. “C’mon. Let’s go.” We wandered back into the hall, and I held the door open for him as he stepped out of my flat and I quickly followed. We began walking down the hall side by side, and I could feel his eyes on me. I could feel him looking down to me rather than watching where he was going. “What?” I cried. “You remember to lock up?” He smirked, already knowing the answer to that question. I stopped in my tracks, groaning at myself, hoping things would only get better from there on out. I was off to a bad start. “Shit.” I grated. 17 The train was as busy as we had been expecting it to be, but that was why Harry had booked our tickets online a month ago, guaranteeing us a first-class journey. This meant we got a table, and champagne, and even a free butty. We were only going to be on board for about 2 hours, but I was going to cherish those 2 hours and milk them for all I could. Harry had the tickets in his hand as we moseyed down the aisle, checking the number of our seats, and we found them pretty quickly. We’d been running relatively late, and that meant most people were already sat down and settled by the time we’d jumped on. We found our seats, and I was just about to tax the window seat… “You want the window seat?” Curls offered. “You’re a gent.” I winked. “Just a really good boyfriend.” He sighed. “What can I say.” He put his bag in the overhead compartment, and then held his hands out to me, offering to do the same with mine. I swung it off my shoulder, accidentally hitting an innocent woman in the face as I did, apologising to her quickly and profusely, and then shimmied into my seat. Harry was trying his best not to laugh as he placed himself down in the seat next to me, biting his bottom lip and shaking his head. I hit his arm. “Shut up!” I seethed through my teeth. “Think you’ve just given her a black eye.” He turned to me, speaking lowly. “Harry, that’s not funny! Stop!” I cried, trying to stop my chuckles. I snuggled down into my seat, letting my laughter die down as my left arm brushed Harry’s right and we waited for our journey to begin. At that point, I was trying my absolute best not to think about where we were going and what we were about to do. Ever since we’d made the agreement over a month before, I’d been waiting for my sanity to snap back into place, for it all to click in my head that this was too much, this was too ridiculous and we should just stop. I didn’t want to overthink it, because of course it was completely insane, but it was something I wanted to see through. I took a deep breath in, and tried to relax, but all I could think about was that the next time I’d be off that train, I’d be in my home town, with Harry by my side and my parents ready to cross-examine the two of us. I hoped Harry knew that my mother was going to ask him about everything, because I didn’t want to have to tell him. I just hoped he knew already. I was probably going to learn things about Harry during the mass of questions that I knew my mother would hurl his way. The train began to pull away from the station, and my throat went tight. I turned to look at Harry in the hope of gaging his thoughts, and I swear, he looked like an excited toddler. Then the woman came with our champagne, and that increased tenfold. He grabbed two glasses from her, thanking her and then passing mine over. “What are your parents like with drinking?” He asked me. “They like their wine.” “Good! I got them a bottle. Besides, I’m planning on getting pretty drunk today.” He cocked his brows and took a swig of his drink. “It’ll make our sleeping arrangement easier.” I didn’t want him to worry about it, but I knew nothing I said would change the way he felt about his dreams. I knew I couldn’t say anything that would make him feel okay about me being involved and having to see him at his very weakest. I didn’t want him to feel like he had to drink, to make this easier for us, but I knew I couldn’t say anything that would change his mind or make him view things differently. “There’s a bar in my house, so we’ll have plenty to drink.” I smiled. “But they’ll really appreciate the bottle of wine. That’s nice of you. Thank you.” “I won’t let you down.” He turned to me. “I’m gunna make the best impression I possibly can. I promise.” Somewhere along the way, I’d kind of forgotten that Harry was doing this for me, just as much as I was doing it for myself. I’d forgotten that, whilst we were at my house, Harry was there merely to help me deal with my parents. I knew I was going to return the favour when we went to his, but it wasn’t quite the same. I was only going there to show that Harry had a girlfriend, to try and get the point across that he wasn’t lonely. I didn’t really need to prove myself. Harry was going to have to be the best possible version of himself with my parents, just because of what they were like and what they expected and the improvement they wanted to see from me. He was willing to do that, and I knew he was going to do it well. Not just because he was the dream candidate, but because he was really going to try. “Why are you doing this?” I quizzed. “Well, you’re gunna help me out.” He shrugged, not understanding my point. “You’re going the extra mile though, aren’t you? A mile I don’t necessarily need to take. Why?” He lolled his head back on the chair, his face close to mine, the chattering of the train seeming to mimic the steady beat of my heart. I concentrated on his green eyes as they twinkled in the sunlight that burst through the window. “I feel like you need a break.” He sighed. “If I can help you have that break, then I will. Why wouldn’t I?” I smiled gratefully, moving my head forward a little and bashing my forehead against his. That was my little way of saying thank you, and his little way of saying you’re welcome was to give me this little wink, and then he moved his head back to where it was, picking up his champagne again and taking a big swig. I picked up my champagne and took a steady sip, watching the blurred images of the outside world flashing over my eyes, and with each clunk and churn of our journey, I began to feel more relaxed. I was so thankful that Harry was such a nice guy. It just made the whole thing so much easier. “OOH! Guess what I brought?” He chirped, standing up and routing through his bag. “What?” “A bought a crossword book!” His voice strained as he searched. “I thought that was a really couple-ish thing to do and I’m very excited.” “We don’t need to be a couple yet.” I giggled, watching him retrieve the book and sit back down with me. “I’m just getting into the swing of things.” He slapped the book on the table in front of us. “I’m getting in the mood.” “You’re very prepared for this.” I smirked. “Have you done this before?” “Nah, never had a fake girlfriend before. Might do it again though! Depending on how well this goes!” I giggled, moving my eyes ahead of us and catching the boy in the seat across from me shooting us a sceptical look, his brows low, but as soon as he noticed I was looking, he dropped his head back to his phone. Harry opened the crossword book on the first page, and pulled a pen out of the chest pocket in his shirt. “What the fuck was that?” I tut. “What?” “Who carries a pen round in their top pocket? Apart from like… doctors and teachers.” “I’m not just prepared for this, Ren. I’m prepared for all things. I’m just a very prepared person. In my bag you will find bandages, paracetamol and plasters. I’m ready for anything.” “Do you think I’m going to hurt you?” I chuckled. “I don’t know you that well. This could all be a clever ploy to murder me.” He spoke. “And your plasters are going to be a big help when I do.” I sniggered. “Exactly.” He concluded. We got to work on the crossword, and although I had been relaxing, doing that did help me feel distracted, which was something I wanted to feel. It was nice to just have a couple of hours, where I could pretend I was just on the train with my friends, doing a crossword, completely regular. On top of that, it was nice to feel like Harry was my friend, rather than just some guy I’d met at therapy and come to some bizarre agreement with. It was weird though, thinking about how when January came around, we’d go back to being strangers. This was just some fleeting affiliation. He was just a temporary companion. A momentary blip in my life. I’d never had anything like that before. At least, it had never been something I was aware of. “Starting to feel like a couple yet?” Harry turned to me once we’d completed the first one. “Because I’m starting to feel like an old married couple.” “We’ve been moving at a very quick pace.” I retorted. “I think maybe it’s time we got a pet.” “We’ve got a pet!” He cried. “We’ve got Moggy!” “Alright then, a baby.” I shrugged. “A BABY?” “We need it. A child will save our relationship.” “We have become a crossword puzzle couple. We don’t do much else.” He sighed dramatically. “Our lives have become a little drab.” “It’s baby time.” “Is there no other way we can spice up our marriage? I’m not ready to be a dad.” “Threesome?” I suggested. “I can get on board with the threesome!” I couldn’t carry the joke on any longer, I had to laugh. I chuckled away to myself, consciously hiding my face from him, and that’s when I spotted, once again, the guy across from us shooting us the most bizarre look, but this time, his gaze didn’t drop. I held his eyes from a moment, and when I realised he wasn’t going to shy away from our contact, my brows lowered alongside his. I wasn’t expecting him to talk though. “Wh-what’s going on here?” The boy mumbled. “I’m sorry?” I inhaled, shocked that he was speaking to us. Because not only was it weird full-stop, that he was involving himself, but as far as I was concerned, most train journeys were supposed to be spent in complete silence if you’re not with friends. I’d definitely never sparked up a conversation before, and no one ever sparked a conversation with me. It was just weird. “Are you two a couple, or what?” He scowled. “Do we look like a couple?” Harry cheered, throwing an arm around my shoulder and dipping his head in my direction, presenting the two of us as an item. This merely confused the boy even more. His face was an absolute picture, and I found myself tracking over all the things that me and Harry had said to one another that he would have overheard, and it wasn’t hard to understand why he was so perplexed. “I mean… Yeah! I guess. Are you… Are you not, then? Or are you? I don’t really know what’s going on.” “You’re not supposed to know what’s going on.” Harry smiled, his voice kind though his words were not. “You’re a stranger on a train.” The boy reached his hand across the table to Harry, a friendly smile on his face, and I un-tensed my shoulders and let my face become flat again, because he had a nice smile, one that was easy to warm to. “Zayn.” He introduced himself once Harry had grabbed his hand. “Harry. This is Ren.” “Hi.” I waved. “So can I know what the hell is going on here now? I’m seriously so intrigued.” Me and Harry turned to each other in perfect sync, and without saying a word, we managed to have an entire conversation. Just from the looks we were giving each other, we managed to say, yeah, it’s a little weird, but he’s heard a hell of a lot of it already, and what harm can it possibly do? We both turned back to him, and I nudged Harry, telling him to explain. “Our parents give us a hard time, because we’re not in relationships.” He simplified it, as much as he could. “So… we’re being in one. For Christmas. Not a real one but… They don’t know that.” I had no idea what this guy was going to reply to that, but I sat forward in eager anticipation, absolutely desperate to hear what someone who was in their right-mind would think about what we were doing. Turned out, this Zayn guy was crazy too. “That’s genius!” He gawped, after a limited silence. “That’s fucking genius. Why didn’t I think of that?” Harry’s grin spread from ear to ear, because I think we were both kind of ready for our new train friend to ask us if we were insane, and ask how we ever thought this plan was going to work. I was expecting him to just squeal, what the fuck is wrong with you two? He didn’t. “Do your parents give you a hard time?” Harry quizzed him. “They’re still hung up on my last girlfriend!” He cried. “They always ask me when we’re going to get back together, how she’s doing, if she’s seeing anyone, blah blah blah. I’ve never had the heart to tell them she cheated on me!” “Well, don’t get too invested in the idea.” Harry chuckled, picking up his champagne glass, disappointed to see he’d finished it at some point during the crossword. “There’s still a very big chance that this could all go terribly wrong.” “Get back to me on that.” Zayn passed over his drink, which was relatively untouched. “Because if this goes well, I might seriously consider doing this the next time I go home.” “Thanks, man.” Harry showed his gratitude. “Do you live in the city?” “Yeah.” “I work at Vocatus. You know it?” “I live just round the corner.” “Come see me in January. I’ll whip you up a drink and give you the low down.” He nodded. I could tell Harry meant that. I didn’t imagine Zayn would turn up. Even though he wasn’t acting like we were out of our minds, I still didn’t imagine it was something he would actually do himself, so I couldn’t see him wasting his time to hear all about how our endeavour had gone. But I liked that I could tell, that if he did, Harry would welcome him with open arms. He wasn’t just saying it to be polite, he meant it. I was quickly realising that Curls might well have been the most genuine person I had ever met in my life. 18 “Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.” I gasped. “You need to calm down!” Harry chuckled. “YOU NEED TO CALM UP! We’re literally walking down the path to my house and you are not freaking out enough.” “Everything’s going to be fine.” He crowed, completely nonchalant. “This is the worst idea ever. Screw it. I’m not doing it.” I turned on the spot, and started marching back down the long winding path that lead up to the ridiculous mansion my parents lived in, hunching my rucksack firmly onto my back, determined to get out of there and back to the city as soon as I could. It wasn’t long before I felt two hands grabbing the tops of my arms, and Harry spun me back round so I was headed in the right direction. I groaned, digging my feet into the floor and coming to a firm standstill as Harry tried to push me, hovering his head over my shoulder, cheek to cheek. “Have I given you any reason to doubt me?” “Yes!” I retorted. “Have I really?” “No.” “Will your parents, ever in a million years, come to the conclusion that this is fake?” “No.” “Will they dislike me?” He continued his questions, and started pushing harder, making me stumble forwards. “I doubt it.” “Then come on! It’ll be fine! When we go to my house next week, I’m sure you’ll be giving me this same talk. Until then, you need to accept that this is happening, and get a damn move on.” Slowly but surely, I began taking little baby-steps in the right direction, groaning as I did. But then I just got used to it, and started walking like a normal person again. Harry came and stood by my side. We turned the final corner after another couple of minutes, and after what felt like miles of trees and shrubbery, the path opened up, and we could see the house. Fuck, I’d forgotten how ridiculous it was. “Shit.” Harry gawped. It was nestled in the countryside beautifully, but the thought that my family lived in there just seemed so ridiculous. It just looked so pristine, like some smaller version of Downton Abbey. It was big, definitely too big for two people to be living there, but I think the image of it was more overwhelming than the size. It was the way ivy climbed up its sides, the way it always seemed like the sun was shining down on it, the way the door lay central with huge stone steps leading up to it, the way it was completely mirrored, clean, blending into the nature that surrounded it so beautifully. I’d only been in that house for three years before I went off to university. It had never felt like home. “And you thought your flat was extravagant.” I chuckled. We approached the front door, and by the time it was directly in front of us, my heart was tangled in my throat and I was seconds away from turning around and running again. Harry didn’t let me. He took hold of my hand, and knocked on the door. “What are you doing?” I shrieked. “I’m knocking!” “No, this!” I yelled, pulling my hand from his. “Holding your hand. Remember? We’re doing the whole fake relationship thing?” “That’s so unnatural!” “How is that unnatural?” He shrieked. “We’re not even walking anywhere!” “Why do you have to be walking somewhere to hold someone’s hand?” “They’ll figure it out.” “Because I’m holding your hand?” “Yes.” I nodded. “You need to calm down.” He instructed, grabbing my hand again. “You’re overthinking it.” “Your grip is too tight!” I tried to find any excuse. “You’ve lost the plot, haven’t you?” “I swear, Curls, you better let go of my hand right now or I’ll-” The door swung open, and I shut my mouth straight away, locking our fingers together even tighter and taking a step towards Harry, acting as cutesy and coupley and unnatural as I possibly could. My mum stood in the doorway, grinning back to us.

#TAH DAH #me #mine #TFA7 #1dff #Harry Styles

[fanficstookover]

Open Your Eyes - Stiles (part 2)

Stiles x Reader 

(Y/N) is the new student at Beacon Hills High School and she has a secret. Being born blind, she was never able to see a thing, until she was attacked by a wild animal. To this day she has never told anyone about it. So will she do it now?

Word count: 2593 

(A/N)  I wanted to finish and post this way sooner, but school was literally killing me, so I had no time what so ever. Hope you enjoy this xxx

Other parts: part 1  - part 3 - part 4 - part 5 

The drive home was quiet. My mom barely spoke and I just stared in front of me. This was another thing about being blind: you don’t have a phone. Because, how would you use it, if you’re not able to see the screen. That also meant that I had zero contact with any of my friends...not that I had many to start with.

“So,” my mom finally spoke up after five minutes, “who was that girl I saw you talking to?”

“Her name is Kira. I have some classes with her,” I explained. “So you made some friends today?”

“Yeah. I guess so,” I sighed. Mom didn’t say anything after that. She was always like that. Trying to make a conversation, but at the end of the day, we both knew she was only doing it because she feels bad for me. She thinks that if she forces herself to talk to me everyday, we would maybe someday start to bond. Like a normal mother and daughter. But I don’t think so.

I do not like my parents.

We arrived at our house and I stepped out and started walking to the door with my cane stretched out in front. Tick Tick Tick, on the stone path. I could finally stop with the ticking a few feet away from the door. My mom got her keys out and started searching for the right one. It took her some time until she got it, but when she finally did, she fortunately opened the door very quickly.

“Your father will be coming home a bit later.” she said before she sat down.

“Where is he? I thought he wouldn’t start working until his knee got better.” I asked.

Before we moved to Beacon Hills, my dad got into a small accidence and injured his knee. So he had to take some time off for rehabilitation. In that time, the police station of the city we previously lived in, had some problems and had to cut some people off and xhose my father will be one of those people. Fortunately, they realised it was cruel to do that to an injured man, so they gave him a job in a different city. In the end, it turned out for the better, because the paychecks are better here (as I heard from my parents) and it will finally be permanent. Before this he was kind of someone police stations send around to each other if they needed more officers.

“That is right. But he already went to the station today to meet the sheriff.”

“Oh, that is..nice.” I said and walked to my room. I lay face down on my bed when my mom suddenly walked in.

“I forgot to mention,” she smiled fakely, “the sheriff invited us for dinner. I understand if-”

“No, I’ll go.”

“Great. I actually bought you a new dress this morning. We wanna make a good impression now, don’t we?”

“Yes we do, mom.” My mom put the dress on the chair next to the door and walked away without another word. I walked to the door and closed it. The dress was nice. It was black with some lace on the skirt. Once I would put it on, it would probably reach my knee or something.

I put the dress on and not soon after I heard the front door open. My dad came home. I walked to the living room to say hello.

“How was your first day at school,” he asked after I said hi. “It was okay,” I shrugged, “I met some people. They seem nice.”

“Well, that is great.”

“Yeah, and they are all very helpful,” I smiled, thinking about Stiles. There he was again, in my head. What is it about him that I liked so much?

My dad tried to keep the conversation going, but just like my mom in the car, he failed miserably.

“Oh look at the time, I think it will be better if we go.” My dad handed me my jacket and my cane that was on the table. I thanked him and we were off. Just like before, this car ride was uncomfortable too. I don’t know how my parents to it, but they can make every situation awkward. I absolutely hate it.

It would probably be less if I wasn’t blind. I am very well known with the fact that my parents hate it that I am… different. It is a torture for them to see me struggle with my disability every day. That was why I doubted a bit about telling them that I had gotten my sight back.  Ut how could I possibly explain that?

“Here we are,” my father said as he pulled into the sheriff’s driveway. There already stood two cars. A normal grey car (I could see the attachable siren in the backseat) and a blue jeep next to it. Especially the jeep looked familiar. I must have seen it somewhere before.

“(Y/N), don’t just stand there, c’mon.” my mom tugged on my sleeve and pulled my to walk on. We got to the door and she rang the doorbell. Not even a few seconds later, we heard a loud bang inside and someone mumbling that “they were fine.” I had to giggle slightly, until the door opened and I saw him: Stiles.

“Welcome to our humble home,” he welcomed us and motioned us to walk inside. Only when I stepped inside he realised who I was.

“(Y/N)! I didn’t know you were coming!”

“I didn’t know I was coming to you either.” I smiled. He took my and my parents’ jackets and jung them up on the rack. Then he showed my parents the way to the kitchen so they could talk to Stiles' dad, who was apparently busy with the dinner.

“So,” Stiles said, he had his hands in his pockets and he looked a bit nervous. “How are you doing.”

“Fine. You.”

‘Great. Just not really looking forward to the dinner… Not that I don’t want you to be here, just my dad and-”

“It’s okay, to be honest I also didn’t want to come.” He showed me the way to the couch and our conversation was immediately much more easy once we were comfortably sitting there.

“How is it,” I asked, “being the sheriff’s son?”

“It’s great. I always get the information about the big cases. Just don’t tell anyone I told you.” he winked. I could see in his impression later that he realised it was pointless to wink to a blind girl. I wanted to laugh, but held it in. Then I felt my eyes sting a bit. Was I crying?

Well, was I trying to cry? I haven’t cried since the accident. The animal not only damaged my face and eyes, but also everything connected closely to my eyes. So I can not cry. Instead, it just stings.

But why was it stinging?

“Dinner is ready,” Stiles’ dad called out. Getting me out of my trance. I stood up and Stiles took my hand. I was a bit shocked, then quickly realised he was only helping me got to the table. Nothing more.

After the dinner Stiles and I got back to the couch while our parents stayed at the table. Nothing had really happened while we were eating. Except for that my dad kept on asking about the job and how big of a criminal city Beacon Hills is. I realised that that question made Stiles a bit nervous. but , why would it? He didn’t look like a criminal to me.

Mr. Stilinski had answered that there aren’t so many criminals around, but that the city did have a problem with animal attacks some time ago. I had almost choked on my food when I heard that. Animal attacks? Quick snippets of that night flashed before me. But more of the sounds. The crackling of the twigs. The hard wind rushing through the trees and the… howling. There was definitely something howling in the far background.

“(Y/N)? Are you okay,” Stiles whispered to me. I just told him that I was fine, but I already felt my eyes stinging again.

“Will you tell me what that was about?”

“What do you mean?” I asked in return.

“Well, you told me it was fine, but I could see it wasn’t.”

“PTSD, I guess.” Stiles looked at me in shock. Then, he looked in the direction of where our parents were and he stood up. A few second later, he threw me my jacket. I gave out a little scream.

“Oh, sorry. Put your coat on. We’re going for a walk.”

“Why?”

“Because I feel like you need to talk to someone,” he said and he couldn’t be more right. I hadn’t realised it, but once he mentioned it, I felt like I had to tell him everything… and with that I meant everything.

I was not sure what it was, but something about Stiles told me that he was different. He was normal, but still in a different way than others are. If that even makes sense.

I put my coat on and picked up my cane. Stiles stopped me: “You won’t need it.” I smiled and told him that I was just taking it, because otherwise I would lose it and folded it up so I could put in my pocket. I wasn’t sure, but from the corner of my eye, I thought I saw him give me a weird look. I decided to just ignore it.

We walked out of the house, holding eachothers hands. To be honest, I had really gotten used to this. Every time Stiles held my hand, or even touched it for a second, a spark shot through my body.

It was already dark outside. The street lamps were on, but didn’t do much. From time to time I glanced at the houses we passed. Most families were watching tv or still eating dinner. They all seemed so happy. It made me sick.

“Here we are.” Stiles stopped. I slightly bumped into his side. Not even because I was “blind”, but simply because I wasn’t paying attention. We were standing in front of a flat piece of grass which was surrounded by tall and big trees. “Well,” he continued, “not exactly. Just a minute or two.”

“Alright.” I gave him a nervous smile. We walked to one side where the trees were the biggest. Once we couldn’t see the grass field anymore he stopped again. This time, in front of the biggest trees I have (n)ever seen. At the top of it, there was a big tree house.

“Where are we?”

“The most private place in whole Beacon Hills,” Stiles told me. When he said it, I could feel him squeeze my hand very lightly.

“It’s my old tree house. I build it with my parents when I was younger.”

“And how am I supposed to get up there?” I laughed.

“Ha ha. Do not worry. I have a great solution.” he pulled my with him to the other side of the tree where there was a ladder and next to it a swing.

“Sit right there,” he helped me get to the swing, “and hold on tight. I’ll see you in a minute.” after that he started to climb up the ladder. I wanted to yell at him for leaving my here all alone, but instead I screamed because suddenly my feet left the ground. I was being pulled up.

“What the hell, Stiles!” I said once I was up in the tree house.

“Oh c’mon. Do not say that wasn’t fun.” I didn’t say anything. Stiles just smiled and pulled me into a giant bean bag chair with him. I fell straight onto him. Our faces were only a few inches apart. I rolled to the side and looked up. I was nicely greeted with the night sky. It was beautiful.

“So, let’s talk,” he finally spoke up.

“About what?”

“I don’t know. Anything you want to get out. Just say it.” I had to think for some time about what to say. I wanted to tell him about my secret so badly. But I can not just blurt it out at the beginning. The best thing was to slowly get to it.

“I hate my parents,” I sighed. It felt so good to finally say it out loud. “Like, don’t get me wrong. They are great parents. Just not for…”

“You?” he ended ym sentence.

“Exactly. You don’t want to know how often I overheard them talking about how they wished I wasn’t blind and how this,” I pointed at my face, “has ruined their chance at being the perfect family and stuff like that. It messes you up.” Stiles didn’t say anything. I wasn’t angry. What could he say?

“Then there is the fact that I don’t have any friends.”

“Do not say that.” Stiles almost seemed angry when he heard me say it.

“Or at least, not until now. Everyone always avoided me. And the fact that I don’t have a phone or any other form of contact possibilities doesn’t help either.” After that we stayed quiet for some time. I didn’t feel like talking anymore and Stiles probably had no idea what to say. After what felt like forever, he was the first one to break the silence.

“I was always wondering. How do you imagine the world?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you cannot see it, but you must have ideas, right? Like, for example, how do you think bacon looks like?”

“I never thought about it. But probably pink, whatever pink is”

“So what about the rest.”

“I always imagine that school is this gigantic fancy building, with golden walls and doors made from diamonds and other kinds of stones and that every popular girl just walks around in a trash bag or some other shitty outfit, just to make myself feel better.”

We both laughed at my imagination.

“And me?”

“What about you?”

“How do you think I look? You never really asked or like, you know…”

“Do that whole“I’m blind and the only way to know how you look like if to feel your face” thing. Not really my style.” I smiled. “Back to your question. I think you look just like a ken doll.”

“Excuse me? How do you even know how it looks like?” he laughed.

“I heard that it is the perfect definition of a guy, so…”

“STILES? (Y/N)? Are you up there?” suddenly the voice of mr. Stilinski disturbed our lovely silence. Stiles got up and poked his head out of the small window.

“Hi dad.” he waved downstairs.

“Get down here.” he simply ordered. Stiles walked back to me and guided me to the swing. I sat down and just before he started to pull me back down, I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and said: “thank you.”

“For what?” Stiles seemed to be extremely confused by my actions.

“Everything.” and with that I started to get closer to the ground. There, I was welcomed by mr. Stilinski and my parents. None of them really seemed to be too happy with my actions.

My mom didn’t say anything, she just dragged me towards, I assumed, the car. I turned around and looked up to the treehouse where Stiles was still looking at me. I waved and he waved back, confusion still spread across his face.

#stiles #stiles stilinski #stiles fanfiction #stiles smut #stiles imagine #stiles stilinksi imagine #mieczyslaw stilinski #mieczyslaw stiles stilinski #teen wolf #teen wolf fanfiction #teen wolf imagine

[reiner-is-back-bitches]

Two Halves of a Whole~~ A Reiner Braun X OC Fanfic~~ #10~~ MAJOR SPOILERS

I woke up the next morning before dawn. Rayne was close to my chest, her arms tucked in. I have never seen her so peaceful. Her features were relaxed, her mouth wasn't turned down in a scowl and her forehead wasn't furrowed with worry. I smile at her. I was so glad she would never see me for what I really was. If I ever had to expose myself, it would be far away from her. I couldn't stand to think of what she'd say if she found out I was the Armored Titan. She started to stir in her sleep and I looked down at her. I was starting to worry she was having one of her nightmares.

Before we settled down for the night, I had asked her about it but she wouldn't tell me anything. I could understand that, some things are just too personal and I'd be a hypocrite if I started to go off on her about keeping secrets.

"Reiner," I heard her say. I looked back down at her but she was still asleep. I couldn't begin to understand why she would be saying my name in her sleep. Then it dawned on me, she was dreaming about me. I held her closer to me, taking in as much of her as I could. I couldn't hurt her, she finally had her guard down and I didn't want to be the reason that she had to build up walls again. I laid there with her, until the sky began to turn gray with the rising sun and her hazel eyes looked into mine.

/

Breaking down camp took a lot less time than I thought and before I knew it we were on our way back to base. Rayne seemed so much different today than yesterday. She was actually smiling and willing to talk to me about anything. I began to wonder if I was the cause. I had to be, maybe finally coming to terms with her feelings about me made her open up her world.

We got back to base and were of course the first ones to arrive. Rayne quickly ran to where the the commandant was standing and gave her salute. I knew she was explaining the situation of the wolf and deer and the commandant seemed to be impressed. Well, if he was he didn't show it. I also notice him pointing out the bruised side of her face. I wonder if I would be punished for striking a fellow cadet out of anger. When she came back to me, she seemed excited.

"The commandant commended us on thinking of our fellow cadets, he wasn't too pleased when I told him that I fought that wolf and got wounded in the process but he said it just goes to show what some cadets are capable of." I gave her a confused look.

"You didn't tell him," I felt my cheeks get red in embarrassment. "about our fight?" She gently ran a finger over my hand.

"No, the official story about my face is that I hit a tree when the wolf lunged. That's all anyone will know." I smiled at her and she smiled back, turning away. I threw down my gear and started to unload the carcasses to take them to the commandant. I watched her head to the far end of the small clearing to set up her tent. It was her idea to set up our tents on opposite sides so we could avoid unwanted attention. After a while, more cadets started to arrive and I notice Rayne walk up to Mikasa. I saw Mikasa cradle Rayne's face in her hands and start asking about the bruise. Rayne playfully shook her off and began to hug her and Armin. I couldn't help but grin at her and they way she started talking with her friends. She was a different person, and I think I was, too.

xxxxxx

I couldn't put my finger on it but something was different with Reiner. He talked to people with a light in his eyes. Until I found out what was going on, I couldn't trust him. He went into the woods with Rayne and when they came back they were both different, too different. Reiner's cheeks seemed to be slightly bruised, his nose a bit swollen and Rayne also had a huge bruise on her face.

I know what made that bruise. I didn't believe the whole wolf story. I've known Reiner long enough to know that he doesn't get angry easily but when he did, no one was safe. He slapped her. She made him mad, did something or said something and she paid for it.

So why was she still sneaking glances at him? Why would he grin at her when he thought no one was watching? I began to think about what this could mean. Either, they just came to friendly terms or something worse happened out there. My guess of course, was the latter.

Reiner is a damn fool. Is he so willing to let everything that we have been working so hard for just fall apart? Is he actually making friends with these devils?

"Hey, Bertolt." I looked down and saw Rayne. She was offering me a bowl of some stew. "Here you go," she smiled at me and I gave a smile back.

"Thank you. That was a really cool story about how you took out that wolf. And you got an injury to go with it." I pointed to her face and she just laughed.

"It's not so bad, luckily it was just this bruise and not something more serious." I flashed another fake smile and really looked at this girl.

Who the hell was she? How was she able to steer Reiner, one of Marley's most loyal warriors, off his course? What was she playing at?

"Well, I better finish handing out soup to everyone. Don't hesitate to get seconds alright? There's plenty." She smiled as she turned away from me and as soon as I saw her back, my frown returned. I began to scan all the faces in my view for Reiner. As I suspected he was staring at her, smiling at how she was going around talking to everyone, almost like he was proud.

He saw me staring at him and his face fell. I gave him a look, one that I knew he understood perfectly.

Tonight I was going to get to the bottom of this.

I'm sure he would hate for some tragic accident to befall Rayne.

xxxxxx

That night everyone went to bed with a full belly and we had Rayne and Reiner to thank for it. Eren couldn't get enough of her wolf story, begging for every single detail. She was happy to oblige to Eren and anyone else who asked. She must've told the story over a hundred times. It was nice to see her smile like that. I had known Rayne since that fateful day in Shiganshina. Despite being like family to Eren, Armin and myself, she never fully let her guard down almost as if she was afraid we would turn our backs on her or worse, betray her triust.

I kept remembering back to after everyone had a bowl of soup and were gathered in groups to eat. Reiner and Rayne sat apart from each other, but they constantly flitted their eyes towards each other, checking on one another. While Rayne was busy telling Eren the story for the tenth time, I stood and walked to were Reiner was sitting by himself. He greeted me as I approached, scooting over a bit to make room for me to sit next to him.

I noticed a change in Reiner as well. He had always been well liked by all of us, but there was something different. Throughout our training, it seemed like Reiner was just going through the motions, even when it came to interacting with his fellow cadets. Now, he looked people in the eyes when he spoke to them, he started conversations and his laughs were genuine.

"I can't thank you enough, Reiner." I said when I sat down. "You don't know how happy it makes me to see Rayne finally living." He turned to me, but I kept watching Rayne. She was showing Eren, Connie, Marco and Daz how she stabbed the wolf when it lunged and how she ended up with the bruise on her face. "I've been trying to get through to her for years. I'm amazed at how quickly you were able to get her to open up." I turned my head and looked into his eyes. He didn't hide the blush in his cheeks and I saw in his face that the feelings Rayne had were not one sided.

Reiner cared about her, too.

"I care a lot about her." He said, turning away. "I just want her to be happy." I smiled and stood.

"Like I said, thank you."

/

After Rayne was finally able to get to bed, she came into my tent.

"Mikasa, you awake?" She asked, despite already being inside.

"Yes, are you alright? Is your face hurting you?" She brought her hand to cover her cheek.

"No, it's fine. I just wanted to tell you about what happened in the woods. With Reiner." I sat up. "We spent the whole first few hours together fighting. We argued and yelled, it was a nightmare. Then, something happened. I-I kissed him." My eyes widen slightly.

"You kissed him?" I asked, slightly surprised. I knew about the time Reiner kissed her, I practically set that up. But she had been so upset by it, she was shaking when I checked up on her. I had to console her most of the night, she couldn't sleep otherwise. The fact that she willingly kissed him, shocked me.

"I couldn't help it. Like always, you were right. I care about him, quite a bit actually." She looked down at her bare feet. She had scrapes and bruises all over her legs and arms, clearly the extent of her and Reiner's fighting. "I just wanted to know why he made me feel the way I do. He said he felt the same way. I decided that," She took a shaky breath and I saw tears falling. "I decided that it was pointless to walk through life full of anger and mistrust. If I'm to feel anything, I want to feel what it's like to love and trust and be with someone other than you and the guys." She wiped her face before continuing. "I'm going to start letting people in. Not just Reiner but Sasha, Connie, Bertolt, Marco, Christa and even Jean. Everyone who has ever tried to show me kindness, when I was too blinded by hatred to appreciate it." I smiled at her and took her into my arms, giving her a huge embrace.

"Rayne, I'm so happy for you, and Reiner. I can sense what's going on with you two and I think it's great. I know it won't be for too long but I think the important thing is that you two were able to be together at all. You've come so far and I'm so proud of you." She smiled at me again, the tears flowing from her eyes.

"Thank you," She started to stand and I returned to my bed. "Well, I'll let you get to bed. We still have a long week ahead of us." She left my tent and I laid down, hearing her talking to someone outside. "Sorry, Bertolt. I didn't see you there. Good night."

"Good night, Rayne." I heard him say. I closed my eyes and quickly drifted off to sleep.

#attack on titan #aot #shingeki no kyojin #snk #reiner braun #fanfic #fanfiction #oc #reiner x oc

[robbyrobinson]

Requiem for a Loud (Again)

So, in my review of Syn....whatever they way you pronounce that phobia, I was asked what were my initial thoughts on another notorious fanfic in the Loud House fandom; Requiem for a Loud. For starters....my relationship with the fanfic was sketchy at best. Whilst I was browsing TV Tropes, I stumbled on this fanfic completely by accident. After reading the summary, I assumed that the story was going to build up to some great big joke, so I decided to start reading. Reading the first chapters sent several different emotions through my mind; I felt sad, depressed even. It came to a point that I found it extremely difficult to look at the show again after reading the story. Every time I saw Lincoln, I was only reminded of the fact that he's going to die soon in the fanfic. And yeah, I am stating that now: I am quite certain that Lincoln will die at the end as requiem means "mass for the dead." If Lincoln doesn't end up dying meaning that all of these emotional scenes that were being delved on were entirely pointless, this would be my most likely reaction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZkC26-3t6U.

So, yeah, at the time, I really loved this story. Normally, I tended to hate fan fiction because of how they often try to make children's shows grimdark by introducing subject matter that the actual show would never do. That's why many Creepypasta based on kids' shows suck. But no. I actually felt that I was reading pure gold here. It did what many stories fail to do for me; actually make me feel sad and empty. I mean, yeah, the touching moments were there to numb the pain a bit, but at the end, I still felt empty knowing that the story won't be having a happy ending. I mean I loved the story so much to write an unofficial spin-off based on it that UnderratedHero himself actually liked. Butttttt....I consider it an old shame now. I read this story around the time that I was becoming a fan of the show (I was more a passive watcher), but this one story rocked my world. It inspired me to write stories based on the show with one currently having 235 reviews and 96 faves. And that's coming from the fact that I'm currently a junior in college with no writing background prior. I owe a lot to this story as well as that one that I can't say or spell.

However....I lost interest in the story. Many factors went into the story. For one, some of the chapters seemed dull. Really, even if I listen to the story being read on YouTube, my mind was wondering several times. I just felt bored reading the story. That doesn't help with the fact that the chapters are long. While I do read a few good books here and there, I normally am unable to finish them because they would be that long. It's a miracle that I was able to finish reading Stephen King's IT before the book fell a part. I don't know if it's because of my Asperger's, but reading Requiem constantly felt like a chore than leisure. Besides that, my other issue with the story was how it tries to make you feel bad for Lincoln's predicament. I mean, he's dying of a terminal illness and his family is devastated. But, here's the thing. The more I watched the show, I just didn't really find myself being fond of Lincoln. While Lincoln is relatable, I just found him...uninteresting. He's to this show like Kermit is to the Muppets. He's the straight man for the more colorful characters. Besides that, there were several moments that Lincoln had that showed him as being a jerk. He was selfish, mean, and often got into fights with his sisters for the most flimsy of reasons. With that being said...I couldn't really bring myself to care that Lincoln was dying. If it happened to a more interesting character...maybe I'd raise an eyebrow at that, but because it's Lincoln...I mean, Lincoln gets the short end of the stick several times. So him getting a terminal illness would be the most logical next step. That's not helping how half the fandom practically worships Lincoln like a god or Christ figure. I found myself gagging multiple times while I was reading the story. I just find this really terrible to Lincoln, because it ignores the mistakes that he did prior to this.

Going back to the sad scenes...Like I have said in a previous blog, I found myself laughing at some scenes that were supposed to be dramatic, but instead they come off as being artsy. I honestly found several scenes cheesy. For instance, when Lucy finds out the truth about Lincoln's condition, she runs to the junk yard to mope. Lincoln comes, tells her a poem, basically saying that regardless of whatever happens, he's always going to be there for her. And then he says the same thing to Lola and Lana. I get that it's a heartwarming moment and all that, but I also felt my eyeballs roll back in my head because of how cheesy everything was. Or then there's when Lincoln's doing his bucket list after he was informed that a boy that he met at the hospital died (which felt pointless, btw). Just....really, I couldn't help but joke about the severity of this situation. But that's not what I disliked the most about the story.

My last point on this story is that I felt that the author was making things darker for the sake of adding on to them feels. Of course, a story where an 11 year old boy dying is dark enough, but the author decided to include a scene where Luna - a 15 year old girl - actually drinks and...does some things with some random stranger. I mean, what the heck, Luna? Your brothers' dying, and you decide to get schwifty with some boy? Lori had every right to get mad at Luna for that. Okay, I understand the point of this scene: Luna is so depressed about her brother's oncoming death, that she decided to do this to leviate the pain a bit. Even then, I was that close to dropping the fanfic. Besides that, Lisa was also taking caffeine packs to stay awake as she tried to work on an antidote. Besides the fact that the chapters are long and often boring, my other complaint was the inconsistent updating. Now, I get that the author has other things in life to do like college work (I mean, him and me both), and the like, but I found it annoying having to continually wait for an update of the story as my interest in the story was waning by then. Most infuriatingly was the "fake chapter." On April 1st, UnderratedHero updated the story where it seemed as if it was going to be the conclusion to the overall story. But then it amounted to "Ha, ha! Fooled you; five more chapters to go!" To say that I was peeved beyond belief is an understatement. I was enraged by being duped by this. I mean, yeah, it was April Fools' Day, so what should I have expected. But that was the breaking point for me if the story was worth continuing to read or not. After hearing all of the praise and seeing the continuous recommendations for the story, I just slowly began to dislike it more for its obvious flaws. The story is overrated people; realize that. Since that chapter, I could've sworn that the story was dead, and I began to forget about it. I know that by the time I'm typing this that the story was finally updated, but I couldn't even care anymore about that. At that point, I just saw the story as some overrated piece of fan fiction that tries to be dark for the sake of being dark, or force you to feel bad for Lincoln and the family when I honestly couldn't care less.

I do appreciate the intention for the story; Lincoln is the glue that holds the family together. He is the emotional support. The story delves into what if Lincoln were to disappear? How could the family move on without him? Would they ever recover. The highlights definitely have to be the sisters' reaction to the news. You see how each sister expresses their grief in a different way; Lynn feels that everything is her fault, Leni tries to stay optimistic, Luan temporarily becomes a mime. That was the real reason as to why I even cared about reading the story. While I may not like Lincoln, it is made quite clear how important he is to his friends and family.

Anyway, that is my little blog on Requiem. Again. Hopefully, this is the last time that I'll be discussing this story. You don't have to agree with my points, but I'll respect yours as long as you are civil and respectful of mine. As always, AustinDR, out.

Final score: 8 1/2 out of ten stars

#requiem #requiem for a loud #requiemforaloud #austindr #robbyrobinson #robby robinson #deviantart #review #underratedhero #terminalillness #terminal illness #fanfiction #theloudhouse #theloudhousefanfiction #loudhouse #loud house

[xwing-baby]

I Would (SAM X READER)

WEDIM DAY 1

SAM X READER WORD COUNT: 2315 SUMMARY: After some time away, Sam and Dean turn up out of the blue and ask for your assistance. However, things don’t go to plan and you become more involved than originally planned.  WARNINGS: Angst, violence, injury

ENJOY!!

Being the youngest of three was hard. Sure they weren’t my actual brothers, but we’d lived together since I was born. I was five years younger than Sam and nine years younger than Dean. They were good to me, helping me with school work and Dean was very handy to have around when boys in class got too much. Sure I could handle myself but it was fun watching the pure horror in their eyes when ten years old me brought Dean to the park to ‘have a word’.

Time past, John (Sam and Dean’s dad and the man who raised me) died and I had a year out of college, obviously. But now September was rolling round and I had to make my mind up if I was going back. I argued that it was pointless now, becoming an engineer did not seem useful or interesting in my life anymore! I hunted! Nowhere in hunting did I need an engineering degree. I was neck deep in ghouls and vampires and ghosts for Christ’s sake!

But no, the boys had different ideas. They insisted that I went back to college, lead a normal life and be happy. This argument spanned weeks, usually one of the boys bringing it up at the end of a hunt and especially when I got hurt. I fought my side, even trying to bribe Dean into changing his mind but a Winchester is nothing if stubborn. Eventually, I gave in.

So here I am. Five months into the year with mountains of work to do, deadlines to meet and I didn’t want to do any of it. I was bored. Something that hadn’t happened in a while. I was home sick. I wanted nothing more than to ditch this place and run off, find and work a case with Sam and Dean like before. I tried to find cases on my own but somehow I’d managed to choose to go to college in a state that was practically dead on the supernatural side of life. Anything that did pop up ending up being nothing.

Days went by slowly, classes dragging on for hours and hours. I only had one free period a week because of the amount of catch-up I had to do. Today was one of them. Sat staring out the window in the study hall, trying to do anything I could to ignore the work I had on my desk. My music played softly in my ears and I just stared aimlessly out the window looking at the people passing down on the street below.

I was pulled out my trance by one of my teachers: Mrs Sanders tapped me on the shoulder. She was a kind old woman, one of the best lecturers I had and always gave the funniest classes. She wore fairly standard old lady clothes but had bright coloured glasses always perched on the end of her nose.

“Y/n?” She whispered, not wanting to disturb people around me, “Two very handsome men are here for you,” She smirked and let out a little giggle, “Say they’re from the FBI,”

“Oh? Okay,” I turned my music off and pushed my headphones off my ears, then stuffed my books into my bag. Mrs Sanders smiled and left me to it. I walked out the room and there, leant against the wall of the hallway was Sam and Dean.

Both were dressed in their FBI suits, both looking as handsome as ever. Sam’s hair had got much longer and both looked more stressed than over. None the less big smiles came on their faces when they saw me.

“Really guys? You insist I got college and lead a normal life, you can’t pop up now!” I said in fake annoyance, but I couldn’t keep the happy grin off my face. I pulled them both into a big hug and laughed happy that they were here.

“We can leave if you want?” Dean teased. I shook my head and laughed.

“Please don’t,” I smiled, “So what do you knuckleheads want? Nobody’s died have they?”

“A group of girls from your campus have gone missing,” Sam said. My face fell.

“Oh shit,”

“Yeah, we just wanted to ask you some questions and seeing as you know you’re way around, maybe you could help us find some of the missing girls’ friends.”

“Oh, um yeah sure,” I said still trying to sound enthusiastic. They weren’t here to take me out, to take me hunting with them. They just want info. It was disappointing, to say the least.

I followed Dean out to the car, which was still as beautiful as ever, and slid into my usual place in the middle of the backseat. It felt nice to be back but I was sad it wouldn’t be permanent.

Dean drove us out to a nice diner they’d found on the edge of town and we all had dinner while they questioned me. Turns out I knew nothing that they didn’t know already. By the time we’d finished it was nearly dark.

“I hope you don’t mind coming with us,” Dean said as he pulled out of the diner car park. “It’s just this is the only time we’d be able to do this,”

“Are you even sure it’s a Wendigo? Those are mega rare,” I commented as I flipped through John’s journal. “Especially around here, if there was something like that surely I could have picked up on it when I was-“I stopped. I knew if I told the boys I’d been trying to hunt on my own they’d pick a fight about it.

“When you were what?” Sam asked, a concerned look on his face as he turned to face me.

“Nothing, just it would have shown up in on the paper or something,”

“Yeah, well I don’t know what else it could be,” Dean said clearly working out that I had been hunting or attempting to hunt. He was annoyed but said nothing.

Silence fell over the car as Dean drove us to the edge of the woods. I knew these woods quite well, my friends and I came here to parties thrown by the frat houses. However that was in a more populated area now there were no flood lights to light up nicely tarmacked paths, no log cabins and no public restrooms. We were in the pure wilderness here, the trees were so dark that I couldn’t see further than the first row.

“You’re going to have to stay here,” Sam said as Dean parked.

“What! No way!” I protested.

“Yes, way. We know what we’re doing, Y/n. If we’re not back in a few hours call 991. Don’t come find us, you don’t know what’s out there,” Dean said sternly. “Besides, you said you have an essay due tomorrow,”

I scowled but gave in, they had a good point. “Fine, I’ll stay here,”

“There’s a gun under the seat and a knife under the dash,” Sam clarified. I nodded and turned my attention to the stuff I had in my bag.

“If you need us, call,” Dean said.

“I know, I’ll be fine!” I laughed. “Now go!”

I shooed them out the car and watched them walk away until the light of their torches got engulfed into the darkness of the forest. I pulled my work out of my bag and settled down, deciding against putting in headphones. Just in case.

--

A few hours past, the essay was done and I was dozing off in the backseat listening to the car radio ramble on about the local news stories. Suddenly there was a bang on the back window. I froze. Slowly, I looked up to the back window and saw nothing. Just black. Maybe it was just a pinecone…

I tried to convince myself it was nothing back something was telling me it wasn’t. Carefully I climbed over the front seat and into the driver’s seat. I found the knife and pulled the gun onto the passenger seat beside me. Again, I looked out the windows and saw nothing.

Maybe I was just paranoid, maybe I was hearing things, and maybe it was just Sam and Dean being total jerks. But something was telling me that it wasn’t. I sat completely still for a few minutes, just listening. Nothing happened. So I decided to get back to my work, glancing occasionally up at the window to see if I could see anything.

Another hour past and another bang, this time from the front of the car. I quickly turned on the headlights and the shadow of something flew past making me jump. I went to grab the gun but before I could my door was flung open and something grabbed me, pulled me out the car by my arm. I tried to struggle against the hand that hadn’t grabbed me, tried to dig my heels in but I tripped and the thing was now dragging me along as I struggled to stand back up. I screamed and kicked trying with all my might to get whatever it was to release me. We entered the forest and I tried to use my free hand to grab a tree or a branch to stop me but before I could, something hit my head and I was out cold.

--

I woke up to the feeling of being carried. I opened my eyes and when they came into focus I was met with a very worried looking Sam Winchester. I tried to speak but my head span and I became very aware of the burning pain in my chest. I looked down and saw a large blood stain on my shirt. I winced at the sight and coughed, spitting up blood. I began to cry.

I looked around as much as I could and I had no idea where we were. There were just trees on all sides. I tried to relax and take my mind off the unbearable pain in my chest, surely Sam knew where he was taking me so I’d be fine but everything was too much.

“Sam,” I whined, my voice almost a whisper.

“It’s not far now Y/n we need to get you to a hospital, okay?”

“What happened?”

Sam didn’t answer. He didn’t even look at me. He just kept walking.

It took a while for Sam to reach a road, or at least it felt like it anyway. Within seconds of us reaching the road, Dean pulled up in the Impala. Neither brother said a word as Sam gently placed me in the backseat, letting me lie down properly. I whimpered a little but it was much more comfortable being laid down properly. Sam hopped into the passenger seat and Dean sped away.

I could hear Sam talking to me but I couldn’t concentrate on his words. I just mumbled before everything became numb and my eyes closed. Things got louder as Dean joined in Sam’s attempt to keep me awake but passing out seemed a lot easier.

---

My back itched and everything ached.

I was awake after what seemed like days. I was laying on a couch in somewhere I didn’t recognise. The blanket lay over me remained my of the ratty fleece blanket I’d found when I was at Bobby’s when I was a kid. I still had it there ten years later. It was a red tartan-type pattern with little tassels on it which had either fallen out or were hanging on by a thread. It was my favourite, even if Dean did say it looked like a dog’s bed.

My chest ached. Not like before where I felt like I couldn’t breathe but like I was breathing for the first time in forever. I carefully sat myself up, conscious of any possible injuries. Looking around the room a bit more I came to the conclusion I was in a motel room somewhere, there were two twin beds both with stuff thrown across them like whoever was staying here left in a rush. A laptop was perched on the coffee table just behind my head, I tried to reach for it but as soon as I turned around just an inch my chest began to throb with pain. Confused, I lifted up my shirt to reveal a large bandage wrapped tightly around my torso with two safety pins holding the cloth together. I then noticed I had another bandage on my leg too. What happened?

The last thing I could remember was being at college when Sam and Dean came to pick me up? Did I go with them on a hunt? Why weren’t they here now? Were they dead? Was I dead? If I was this was a pretty shit heaven, and it smelled way too much like Dean’s cheap whisky.

That’s when I remembered. The hunt. The car. The creature. Everything came rushing back. There was no way I could be alive, this had to be heaven. I was dead.

“Y/n?” A voice broke through my panicked mind, I looked up and saw Sam.

“Sam?” I asked, my voice scratchy and pained, sounding more like a squeak than a name. Before I could say anything else Sam dropped the bag in his hand and rushed forward frantically pulling me into a tight hug and kissing me. He pulled away for a moment, kissing my cheek then my forehead and everywhere that was accessible to him. Before he returned to my lips, which I gladly accepted and kissed back.

I was shocked! Sam Winchester was kissing me! Sam Winchester!

“I thought you were going to die,” He whispered once he’d pulled away.

“I don’t die that easily, Winchester,” I tried to laugh but it turned into a harsh cough. “Besides, you’d be lost without me,”

Sam looked at me, his eyes nothing but serious.

“I would,”  

TAGGED: 

@bethanystan, @lindsaylove1226 @mybittersweetbullshituniverse 

#sam x reader #dean x reader #sam winchester #sam winchester x reader #sam imagine #supernatural x reader #supernatural imagine #supernatural drabble #WEDIM #aseasyasdeanspie #sam angst #sam fluff #dean angst #student!reader #injured!reader #sam x reader fluff #sam x reader angst #sexy sam

[theconfessionsofanoverthinker]

My boyfriend pt 1

Wow, how do I want to start? I want to really get into it so I can have fresh vivid images and feelings and true thoughts and re-encounter how amazing it really was. Oh my gosh I can’t even fully describe what’s going on. I love this kid, I really do have love for him already. I’m going to do my best. Okay do I’ll come back in pt 2 with actual dates and stuff but I’ll jump right into the beginning. I had recently cut off this crazy ass guy that I met on Tinder and I’m like ok fuck it let’s try this again. I was getting so bored I swear tinder was soo ugly I couldn’t even hold conversations with half of those guys. And then I came across Charlie, ugh he was just so adorable. The obvious caught my eye, nice cars, nice eyes, nice hair, nice clothes. And WEED. And he was 21? How could I ask for more? And I had literally fallen for him by the time we matched, I think I waited maybe a day or less before I just shot my shot. I said “sheeeesh” with a few heart eye emojis and he said something like “Look at you”, and I just died. Was it too good to be true already? What was the catch? Fake acc??? Dude I don’t even know, but I was quick to gtfo of Tinder and asked for his snapchat, which went well. He sent me a selfie at one point when talking and all was fine, I really wanted to hang out with him because I suck at replying and I didn’t want to lose this chance and fuck it up by having out convo go dead. I had already told so many people about him too it was so crazy I was really getting my hope up for this guy. I mentioned him to my coworker Christiane, my siblings, Dora! And here I am, dating him??? He’s my man, my boyfriend, he’s mine. But it was a little challenging at first, I wanted to meet up on the weekend but he’s 21 so he was out doing 21 things w his friends of course. He went to ugly ass Darna and the MGM both places I can’t go to smh. Anyways, he’s definitely flirting with me as we’re talking, and I just kept mentioning that we should hang out. I asked him to come over and he actually said yes ?? oh bruh, he pulled up and was v cute. He was wearing a black shirt and jeans, I was wearing a long sleeve t shirt and shorts since we were just cooling it at my house I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard. I was actually so shook like omg, I went and told my mom that I was having a friend over and then yeah ((((: She was iffy of course, and one of the first things he said was that my room was “comfy” and it’s funny just last night he mentioned that he was relieved that I didn’t smell like basic bitch. Which is basically like VS but I’m on the other boat of basic at Bath and Body works lmaooo, he’ll find out later though. It’s funny because I do want to get into nicer perfumes anyways, so it’s good timing. Continuing, we were drinking Patron as our first drink omg. Only a few shots and they were half shots because he was driving far back home and he had gone to a bar beforehand. It’s crazy because we totally vibed together and I knew we both felt it, like we were feeling each other but at the same time I we could’ve been cool ass friends. And I’m glad that we have a bff feeling relationship, like that’s my mf boyfriend but that my mf mans too. He literally gives me diarrhea of the mouth, and as someone that can never stop talking it’s crazy to think that I could talk anymore than I already do without not being able to breath between words. At the same time my mind gets jumbled up and I lose my train of thought and I don’t know what to say. Some things just jump out and others just take so long to formulate and I second guess it but even when I cross reference stories and get lost Charlie always reminds me what the whole point of the conversation was. Charlie. Charlie. Charlie. Good luck Charlie, Charlie and Lola? Charlie is literally so gorgeous, even though he might be wearing colored contacts lmfaoo. And it’s funny bc this other hoe ik wears them so I subtweeted and I wonder if he thinks it’s about him. I love him for appreciating my little butt and my little boobs. See how I keep getting distracted, I can’t even tell our story bc he’s so great and all his little details excite me a lot. Ok so we hung out and he didn’t even kiss me or try to do much but he did flirt with me I think? I couldn’t even tell if he was being friendly or not.  The next time we hung out we drank again, and same thing. It was nice we cooled it but nothing big. As soon as he asked for my number though, I KNEW he was fucking w me. And then I think that it was the 3rd time I copped us coke, and it honestly sucks that my memory is so hazy. Especially with someone that I care about so much and such significant moments, I wish I could remember everything. I wish I could relive it and remember. That’s why this blog is so important to me, I need to remember the good because it seems that only bad and traumatic moments stick to me and cling to my mind. I remember being on my couch and just leaned over and he kissed me and I just exploded. I wish I could remember what I was wearing, what show was on the TV, what time and day it was. I’ll investigate but there’s only so much information I can gather. I don’t want him to know that my mind is burnt as much as it is, I don’t want Charlie to think that something’s wrong with me. And looking back at out 1 month of talking and me falling for him, all I do is talk and talk and I probably seem mildly crazy and self centered. This is not my world, and these people aren’t just living in it. I don’t even know much about him, he’s gonna come over today and I’m going to just ask him everything and stfu. I wish I wasn’t so me, me, me all the fucking time. It’s probably so noticeable and ugly. My fucking baby. I am SO happy he is mine like wow I want him to feel appreciated. I want him to feel good, and I want him to be so happy to be with me and say I’m his girlfriend too. UGH I just missed a good writing opportunity just now while Kukuwa went to lunch. I have a new motivation and yeah it’s to look good for myself but it’s also to look good for my boyfriend, I can only wear so much make up and jewelry. My true looks, frizzy hair, fat stomach, and flat ass will always peek out no matter how I dress it up. I need to work on it, I can’t be out with a cute ass guy like him and not look like a bad ass bitch. So far we’ve been to the movies together, and the fair. But those are separate stories, and this will literally go on forever and ever. I wanted to write every detail I could possibly remember, and I can’t wait to add things to our scrapbook, it’s going to be so lit. He’s motivated me to stay more financially stable so that I can sustain us both, so we can have fun and can continuously have a nice time. I want to go everywhere, I want to go on trips and go see the world and have real adventures with my love. Fall is coming up and we’re going to do the whole sha-bang, I want to go to the pumpkin patch, horror fest at Kings Dominion, I want to dress up as something doesn’t have to match or anything. I want to take corny ass photos, and I REALLY want to carve pumpkins. I want to be able to get naked and let you love me, to embrace me and to kiss me everywhere. I want to be able to feel good and confident in front of my boyfriend. I recently got some new products hopefully they can help with the new scars bumps and the old scars, I feel like it’s going to take forever but I hope it’ll go quick. I need to start taking my vitamins and just take care of myself in general. Going back to Charlie instead of going on and on about my pointless and selfish insecurities, as soon as we kissed I felt myself melt into my underwear. I Felt myself wanting more and more, wanting to just grab him and love him everywhere. Literally the night that I discovered the song “Sleepwalk” by Santo and Johnny was right after we just had our first kiss and the riff at the first 7 seconds of the song just climaxes the same slow and tender way that these feelings hug my insides and gently squeezes my heart with small pools and waves of care and affection. I’m sure there’s a better way to organize those thoughts and feelings but I want it to be true and raw. He is just so pretty, Charlie is soo pretty to me I don’t know what to do. We had an unspoken trust where we gave each other everything. Sometimes I want to rip his face off because hes just so mesmerizing to me. It would super duper suck if he has brown eyes he’d look fine of course but the bragging rights that I have a boo w hazel eyes is veryyy high for me. He told me that he’d be having a oc for a whole week and that I’m invited of course, we’ll see how that goes. I’m not going to lie but the fact that I haven’t met his mom makes me nervous and hurt. What if she doesn’t like me or doesn’t approve of me, and we’re already dating as boyfriend and girlfriend? I really do think that it matters and I almost jokingly met her last night but I didn’t like my outfit enough for a first impression and I honestly do think it matter so much dude. This is the first and last image she’ll see of me until the next time I’d see her and who knows how long that’ll be. Not only that im trying to get hit from the back soooo bad omg I miss back shots so bad but I feel like we can’t catch the same rhythm. It sucks because the one time we did it was the first time we had sex in his little side room in his basement. And DUDE I’m lowkey embarrassed I did this weak ass little roll on his dick. I think our sex is really good, but it could be better. I haven’t cheated on him and I can feel that my pussy is tight and I can tell that he feels it too.   

8/28/2019

[snl12]

Cluster fuck

I use to able to write really well, use vocabulary and voice and describe things as if you could paint the picture in your head but lately I can't even wrap my mind around my own life to put my thoughts into words. My mind is a jumble of thoughts and emotions and it's to the point where writing or in this case typing it out doesn't help because I don't even know where to start. My life has been nothing but a cluster fuck lately and I'm starting to lose it. Picture a room with all glass mirrors around it and little kids amped up on Red Bull running around with mega sized bouncy balls just throwing them around, and me trying to chase all of them trying to make sure nothing breaks and then if it does I'm attempting to clean it up while not paying attention to the next kid who's about to break something else. Well In this case. The kids are problems and the glass mirrors are the main points in my life that I'm trying to not have shattered; Aka: Work, Family, and "Boyfriend" So starting off with work. The place I use to think of as my second home and I couldn't wait every year to go back has turned into a fucking hell hole. I dread waking up and driving far as fuck for a place I hate. I get work places have changes but the shit that is going on now is just down right stupid and pointless and the new management treats us like dirt. If we have a problem we can't talk to them because they turn it around on us as if we are doing something wrong. We don't get OT anymore like we use to and we get questioned on a job that we have done for years. They change stuff on us over night and then if you had the day off your somehow suppose to know what's going on the second you come back to work. Like how is that even suppose to work? We get told that favoritism isn't allowed but yet management then plays favorites and then we get told that it's random. How is it randomly the same people getting picked for certain things all the time? Yeah exactly it isn't. So many people that have worked their for years see it and when I tell my family in hopes to talk to them and let out some steam all I get is. "You're letting other people influence you." Like thank you so much guys you are always their to help.... Speaking of family. I'm so fucking done with them too. I've never had a "good" relationship with my family. At least not a relationship like how other friends have with their families. I wish I could sit my parents down and have talks with them about what is bothering me in life or my goals and dreams but instead my parents sit me down and scream and yell at me as if I'm shit. Nothing I do is good enough and I'm constantly compared to my brother or random people I went to high school with. Like newsflash I'm Skylar Nicole Long. I'm not any of those other people or my brother I'm my own fucking person. I'm not happy that I'm not finished with school or have a career job already but you don't have to compare me to other people and tell me things I already know. You guys say you are there to support me and blah blah blah. Support me how because every conversation we ever have about me makes me cry because I legitimately feel like shit when you guys talk to me. The only "Support" I've gotten from you guys is financial support. Yeah you've paid for cheer and nice clothes and cars but none of that was needed. You guys picked to live in fish hawk and send me to school with all these preppy rich people and high expectations. I never asked for that. Yeah when I went to school there I asked for it because I didn't want to seem like an outcast at the time but you could of sent me to Durant earlier like I asked or we could of lived somewhere else in general. But no we couldn't live somewhere else because it's always about what my mom wants. I get called selfish but it's so much bullshit because my mom is almost the most selfish person I know. It's all about what she wants. Where she wants to go to eat or what materialistic thing she can get and matching pictures to show how "fake" we love each other on Facebook and just a whole bunch of other shit. I'm so tired of it. Just even the crap of how I can't close my bedroom door because she wants the light to come in through my bedroom. Like what the fuck. Really. Then my dad who thinks he's been there for me when in reality he just showed his love through buying me things and paying for cheer. Not once did he sit all the way through one of my cheer competitions or make me feel as if he cared about it. He would come to my high school football games but how am I suppose to know he did that because he wanted to or because my mom made him, or because it was another thing he was paying for. I've walked on eggshells around my parents my whole life. Little lies here and there to avoid being yelled at or emotionally abused even more by them. My parents have caused me so much anxiety and heartbreak and I do not want to have kids when I'm older because of my parents. I couldn't even imagine having a child who feels like I did growing up. Even if I told my parents how I felt growing up now they would still find an excuse to yell at me and tell me how I feel is a bunch of shit. This doesn't even scratch the surface with them. I told my mom I wanted to kill my self in high school and she told me I probably brought it upon myself or that it was my fault. Like thank you so much mom because I really wanted to kill myself because I hated high school and being at home and cheer was my escape but I couldn't even fully have cheer to myself either. But none of that mattered to you. My feelings never mattered to any of you guys. I've been nothing but strong my whole life because of putting on a front for you guys and now I'm just so done. Next is Sean. My dear handsome Sean. I don't even know where to begin. I've never loved or hated someone so much in my whole life. Granted our relationship has been nothing but easy but shit I just don't even know where to start. I can admit that I have brought problems into our relationship for sure. From constant cheating and lack of support on drinking but you can not throw the way you choose to deal with those problems on me! That's not fair. I didn't make you pick up a bottle and drink. You pick how you deal with things in life. I really have never felt what I have with you with anyone else but also at the same time I'm not even sure how to define our relationship. There has been a lot of fucked up moments but there has also been some of the most loving moments I've ever felt in my life and I couldn't imagine them with any one else. I've never made love with anyone else like I have with you and when I'm with you my anxiety of new places goes away. I'm less scared and I feel safe when I sleep with you and I can 100% be myself. It's such a great feeling to wake up next to you and hold you in the middle of the night and have drunken binge fest of mac and cheese at 3am in the morning as we laugh all night but is all of that worth it with the screaming matches we get in over fights and bringing up the past. We've been struggling for awhile now and again granted I've brought problem into our relationship but I can not deal with the constant petty comments and name calling. Sean Luke. I love you with all my heart and showing me how to become an adult in this world when my parents have fallen short and for being a shoulder to cry on but I can't take the emotional abuse from you either when I get enough of it from my parents. I'm not even quite sure if it is abuse but I've googled it and taken quizzes online and every link says that I'm in an abusive relationship. I'm scared for the future for sure and I know you are too but a relationship is two people and I told you I wanted to work on us and I was serious about you. I want you so bad but at the same time I'm worried bridges have been burnt and there's no building them back up. We have been through so much together; Your dad getting remarried and us going to his wedding, rehab, Probation, me and you going through different jobs, my friend dying, me moving, me cheating, you in the hospital, your drunken "adventures", car problems, you helping me become an adult. Just so much. Maybe that had made us so strong together and just life hasn't been on our side because I really do think that you are made for me. We help eachother so much and other than 2 things we don't fight at all. We are comfortable around eachother and I believe we have the same soul. You don't make fun of me wanting to better the environment and all my hippy earth friendly ways. I'm crying while typing this and I just wish you were next to me holding me and wiping my tears away or kissing my forehead. Like Sean Luke Cloutier, you're my whole damn world so please get your shit together and I'll get my shit together because I know we can do this. Your paragraph doesn't make any sense but neither does our relationship sometimes but I do know that I love you despite everything and I don't know if I'm right or wrong for it. Long story short, I'm lost, I'm confused. I feel either too much or nothing at all. I want so much more in my life than what I have now but I'm not sure where to start. I've been typing for about an hour and a half and have cried for half of this and I don't feel any better. I'm not sure if this is a cry for help or a personal rant and I can't even recall why I started writing this. But what I do know is that I have my cat in my life and she has been the best thing to happen to me. I love her so much and I cry when I look at her sometimes because she's so cute and innocent. But for now goodnight and if you actually sat there and read of all of this. Congrats you have quite the attention span.