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miss-smutty · 3 years

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Only One Rule

A/N- a little bit late but I still have some valentine's Day one shots I wanted to do 🙈

Can you tell big, manly, dominant men are my kink? ✨ 🥵🥵

Summary- You and your best guy friend are single and decide to have an Anti-Valentines day night together watching horror movies, there's only one rule - NO mention of ANYTHING romantic. You get scared and one things leads to another...

Pairing- Thor x you

Word count- 2,260

Warnings- Swearing, smut

18+ only

Posted: 18th February 2021

Valentine's One-Shot Masterlist

"If you're coming over tonight, there's only one rule - NO romance what so ever and I know that's going to be so hard for you because you're all chivalrous and old fashioned but that's the deal, ok?" You said to Thor through the phone, trying to make plans for the night. It was Valentine's Day and you were pathetically single, luckily for you, so was Thor. It had been your idea to have an Anti-Valentines night with your best friend, the last thing you needed was to be reminded that people are actually in love.

"What are you talking about Y/N?"

"Like no romance at all, no romantic movies, no describing women in a poetic way and even no holding doors open for me. Basically just don't be you for the night."

"You want me to be somebody else?" You're confusing his poor ditzy brain.

"Right, you know that show we watched together - Sons of Anarchy?" You ask.

"Yes, the one with the bikers" you can practically hear the cogs turning in his brain.

"Yeah... be like him, the main guy"

"You want me to treat you like a whore and call you bitch?" Wow! Why did those words coming from Thor's lips, make your pussy flutter?

"Well not exactly but that's better than being all mushy" you were thankful he was on the other end of the phone because you were sure your cheeks were glowing, bright red.

"I'm not sure what you're talking about but I'll see you tonight" he hung up the phone before you could protest anymore.

Now all you had to do was spend the day avoiding anything love related, which meant you couldn't leave the house. If you did you'd be surrounded by couples, kissing and holding hands. Bleugh, thinking about it was enough to make you sick.

You spent the day picking out horror movies you could watch, preparing snacks and getting yourself ready. Just because you were anti-love didn't mean you couldn't look your best. You convinced yourself you were dressing up because you had nothing better to do, it's not like it's a date or anything, is it? You pondered the thought, he's your best friend, no definitely not a date.

*****************

Shaking the curls loose from your head and running your fingers through them, you stood up to check yourself out in the mirror.

The high-waisted leather look trousers, with a deep plunge, black cami top didn't look too much did it? You turned around in the mirror, checking yourself at a different angle and completed the look with some red lipstick. Just as you began to doubt your outfit choice you heard the doorbell ring, too late now.

You couldn't help feeling nervous as you made your way to the door, to let Thor in. What the hell is going on with me?

Thor's jaw fell to the floor as you opened the door, looking you up and down as you stood in the doorway.

"Is there a change of plan? Are we going out?" He asked, still unable to pull his eyes away from your chest. You couldn't help feeling sexy as hell when he couldn't take his eyes off of you. Seriously, what the fuck is going on? He's your best friend, been your best friend since he came back to earth and you'd never had these sort of feelings for him before?

"Erm no. I just... Erm. We're watching horror movies I thought I'd dress as the queen of darkness" shrugging your shoulders sarcastically.

"If you wanted to be queen you..." Thor started before you cut him off mid-sentence.

"Ah Thor, stop! I know you was just about to say something romantic and you've barely walked through the door"

"Right sorry, whores and bitches. Got it... Is that the look you were going for?"

"Are you saying I look like a whore? I don't know whether to be proud or offended" you scoffed, pushing his tall frame into the room.

"No, no... I..."

"Relax I'm just fucking with ya" poor Thor, doesn't know if he's coming or going, you laugh under your breath, putting your hand over your mouth when he glares at you.

"Why don't you pick a movie while I order pizza?" You pass Thor the remote while you search through your phone for the number.

After a couple of minutes he turns to you, smiling widely "Right, I've chosen the movie"

You look up from your phone to see he'd chosen a forbidden chick flick.

"No way!'

"Relax, I'm just fucking with you" he laughs, proudly.

"Ohhh, touche." You say, laughing along with him.

************

The movie you'd chosen was ridiculously scary, you'd had to grab a cushion from behind you to use as a shield on the really jumpy parts. Thor had gotten himself comfy on the couch with his long legs stretched out and feet resting on the coffee table in front, along with the snacks and pizza. His arm was stretched around the back of the couch, behind your head, his tall, thick physique making your couch look tiny and giving you no option but to snuggle up closely to him.

"Argh!" You scream at another jump scare, throwing yourself into Thor's side and hiding your face into his chest. Wow does he always smell this good? You sneaked a peek at him through your eyelashes and found him contently watching you, making your stomach flip when you look into his deep, blue eyes.

You move away from him, trying to put as much distance between you as you can on this small couch. Your thighs are still touching and you can feel physical sparks from the contact, Thor smirks at you when he realises what you're doing.

"Y/N - "

"Nope, stop" you cut him off, knowing he's going to say something that's going to melt your heart and make you lose all your restraint.

"But - " He continues.

"Shh" you say pointing at the screen in front of you, pretending to watch but you can't stop your mind from racing. He's your best friend, you can't feel this way? Can you?

He puts his big hand on your thigh, shocking you when it makes your heart stop. You look down, staring at it, unsure of what to say. You can see he's watching you, more than he's watching the movie and it makes you squirm in your spot.

Oh fuck, why is he looking at me like that? Your heart is racing so fast.

From the corner of your eye, you can see he's moved so he's facing you and he's now making his way towards you.

"What are you - " his lips make contact with yours, stopping you mid-sentence, pushing you back so your laid on your couch and he's hovering above you.

"Thor I said no rom -"

"Just shut up for once, will you?" Oh fuck me! Your pussy clenches. You're weak, so fucking weak. You release a inhuman noise, somewhere between a whine and moan and it stirs an animalistic nature in Thor. You can actually see the switch in his eyes as they swirl with hunger.

"Open your legs" yes fucking sir! You do as you're told and he settles himself in-between them, eating you up with his eyes.

"Thor - "

"Seriously, shh. You've been such a brat all day and then I find you wearing this, I can't take much more" his words and deep tone of voice make you welp. He smiles darkly, knowing what he's doing to you. Is this really the Thor you know?

What have you created? Whatever it is, you fucking want it!

"Take off your trousers - " you start peeling them down immediately but he stops your hands midway " - No. slowly" he groans. Oh fuck!

Thor bites his bottom lip and groans loudly when he sees your black, lacey panties. Unable to keep up the slow pace, he hungrily grasps your mound in the palm of his hand.

"Mmm, so wet" he smirks. How is this even happening?

"Wait, Thor - " you stop him, just before he pulled down your panties, his fingers hooked into either side.

"What now?" He sighs, exasperated.

"Only one rule -" he cuts you off, too eager to get started.

"Yes, yes, yes. No romance, I get it. I can fuck you without being romantic" he says gruffly. oh my dear fucking lord! Yes please! He rips your panties as he's pulling them down and flings them off to the side with a grunt, his strength and eagerness betraying him.

He kneels up inbetween your thighs, circling your clit with his thumb while he watches you intently, squirming beneath him. When he sees your stomach clench, he stops rubbing, making you moan loudly.

"If you don't like it, then why are you moaning?" He whispers into your ear. Oh god! You want to grab him but he's pinning you in place with his thick thighs.

"I didn't say I didnt like - " he didn't wait for you to finish before he buried his face between your legs " - ah fuck Thor" lapping at your wetness with his thick fucking tongue. Your body jerks as he repeatedly circles your clit with the tip of his tongue. It's truly agonisingly pleasurable, desperately pushing yourself up into his mouth.

"Fuck, you taste so fucking good" he says stopping to look up at you, his mouth glistening with your juices before he dives straight back in, making you writhe and moan.

"Oh god Thor, I can't take anymore" you scream as your legs begin shaking uncontrollably and your body turns ridgid as you gush all over his mouth.

"Mmm" he says while still pressing his lips to you, the sound vibrating your already swollen, aching clit making you release another orgasm. You still haven't recovered from the first and the whole room spins around you as you come down from the high, a ringing reverberating in your ears. Thor still sucking your clit into his mouth while his tongue flicks up and down relentlessly.

"I can't... Ah fuck. Pleaseee" you plead, unable to take much more of the unforgiving pleasure coursing through your core.

He moves his mouth away but replaces his lips with his thick fingers, so you only have seconds to breathe before your holding your breath again. Desperately grasping at the sofa cushions to brace yourself.

"Tell me" he says breathlessly, his hair tousled from your fingers.

"I... I -" you can't speak, you don't even know what day it is. Locked in a neverending loop of pure hedonism.

"I won't stop until you tell me what you want" he curls his fingers up to meet your spot, gazing in your eyes as he continually finger bangs you until you're gushing over his fingers. Melting into the couch with the euphoric rapture of yet another orgasm. Mewling beneath him as you unspeakably beg him for his cock without actually being able to speak out loud.

"Fuck... Me" you force out between breaths making him smile wickedly. All you can do is lay there and watch as he pulls his trousers over his cheeks, just until his cock is free. Before you can even take in the sight of his huge cock, he's slamming you into oblivion.

You instinctively wrap your legs around his back, pushing him impossibly deeper into you, with your feet. You watch his face screw as your walls clamp around his cock like a vice, groaning in your ear as he slams into you over and over again.

You've never felt pleasure like this before, the whole thing has felt like one giant orgasm from start to finish. You don't ever want it to end, his narcotic power over you. The way he can make you feel like a goddess but weak at the same time.

You roll your hips, bringing them up to meet his thrusts at a unbelievable pace. You can feel the gripping sensation rising through your veins again as you come harder than ever before, screaming at the same time. Thor looks at you, checking you're ok before he carries on the onslaught. You're an absolute quivering wreck and you don't know how you can take much more without shattering into a million pieces.

"You good?" He whispers in your ear, slowing down the pace ever so slightly.

"Hmm, kiss me." he smiles before kissing you tenderly, opening your mouth with his lips so he can find your tongue. You hold on to his back while he fucks you gently, a much softer, forgiving pace.

"I thought you said no romance?" You feel him smile on your lips, while you roll your hips into his, matching his pace.

He moves the hair from your face and holds your head in his hands, his forehead resting on yours.

"Look at me" he continues thrusting in to you while you gaze into each others eyes. The look of lust you see there, making your orgasm build again. You can feel his cock twitching when he's almost ready, grunting with the last of his thrusts. You can feel the power of his come as he pumps into you, then falls limply on your chest. You're both panting loudly as you wait for your climaxes to pass, your chests rising and falling so fast. He rests himself between your legs, trying not to put all of his weight on to you, waiting for you to recover in a comfortable silence.

"Well that escalated quickly" you say, laughing nervously, hoping that this wasn't going to make things awkward between you now.

"I'm not finished with you yet" or maybe it's just the start of a whole new relationship dynamic, one you were more than happy to pursue after that performance.

#thor odinson #thor x you #thor x reader #thor smut #thor #mcu smut #smut

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hysokaz · 3 years

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why did hisoka not kill gon in zevil island?

he wanted to see gon grow. he even said so himself, he wants to see gon grow into an opponent worth killing. but we all know that.

he wants to see gon grow stronger so that he will reach a level where he feels he can fight him and get a good match out of it. but thats a boring answer. i think that hisoka didnt kill gon in zevil island, despite the fact that gon was down and paralyzed, because he respected gon in that moment.

hisoka doesnt really have "respect" for a lot of people. or things. i think his respect can go hand in hand with if he wants to fight someone or not. does hisoka mind killing, or fighting? of course not, but theres a difference between him not minding and him WANTING to kill/fight. you have to impress him or at least do something that makes him reasonably think that youre "worthy" of fighting him. some people he respects include illumi, chrollo, machi, etc. anyone who he would REALLY like to fight some day. i dont think he respected gon in the beginning of the exams; i think he thought it would be fun to fight gon, but i dont think he thought it would be any time soon that the urge to fight him would pop up.

the start of his respect, and urge to fight gon grew the second that he saw gon with his own badge in hand.

so why does this matter?

because the respect gon gained from hisoka kept him alive.

i think its interesting to compare the way hisoka views targets he doesnt MIND fighting and targets he WANTS to fight, aka, respects. agon, the bird-looking guy who he kills, was nothing to hisoka. hisoka was in a trance when he killed him, gon even said that hisoka wouldve just killed anyone he saw. when hisoka killed agon it was quick, and hisoka let agons body fall without a second glance. in fact, the next thing he does is a clear indicator of the way he views the people he respects. he drops EVERYTHING, in quiet shock, to look for the person that ripped the badge of his chest. you know its shock because hisoka places his hand on his chest, where his badge had been, to see if it truly was gone. its enough of a shock for him to completely snap out of his bloodlust trance and to focus all of his attention to the person who took them down.

gon

and when he saw gon, what was his reaction? he was happy.

gon is special, in a way. hisoka saw potential in gon, but he didnt seem to care too much for him. it was enough to make an impression, though. that impression instantly grew once he saw gon was the one to take his badge; he realised that gon truly would grow into an opponent worthy of killing.

it almost seems like hisoka WAS going to kill gon at first, the way he reacted after spotting him, but i can GUARANTEE you he wasnt. hisoka was no longer in a trance once he saw gon, he was completetly calm and in his sound mind (as much as that counts). hisoka approaches gon, or at least begins to, calmly and quietly. he visibly shows himself stepping towards gon, he doesnt try to go quick before gon can react, in fact, he waits for gon to get over his startlement before approaching. gon, still scared for his life (for good reason) ran away. but i can still guarantee that he wasnt in a trance even without him not physically being on the screen-- all of it revolves around geretta. he kills geretta quietly, gon doesnt even know hisoka kills geretta until after it happens. hisoka is careful, collected, and assassinates him without a sound. had hisoka been in a trance he wouldve been running to kill gon, and that wouldve made geretta hear him and it wouldnt have been such an easy kill; when hisoka is in a trance, he doesnt care who sees him-- hes so overwhelmed by his own bloodlust to not sense the presence of others. theres no reasonable way that hisoka wouldve calmly approached geretta if he was truly in an urge to kill gon, therefore he didnt want to kill gon.

hisoka is not too... prideful. i wouldnt use the word to describe him at least. its not like he wakes up in the morning to admire himself, hes never said something that leads me to believe he even tells himself hes strong. i dont know how to explain it, but hisoka doesnt NEED to tell himself that hes strong; hes confident, but hes not vain. i would only ever call him overconfident when bloodlust gets to his head-- but when that happens, hisoka plain cant THINK, so i dont think its too far to use that. the only counterargument against this that i can think of is the way he is with chrollo, but i havent thought much about their relationship and i dont want to bring that up now. what im trying to say is that hisoka couldve honestly given less of a shit if he lost his own badge. it wouldnt mean anything to him so long he could still win. but hes not stupid, he knows the value of a badge. the knows the value that gaining an opponents badge would mean to someone, i think he wouldnt exactly KNOW know but i think he would have a hunch that it WOULD mean something to gon.

so i think that hisoka giving gon his badge would be a sign of respect, as well. he COULDVE taken all the badges he needed, he COULDVE just let gon be, but instead he went out of his way to gift gon his badge. this wasnt mockery, like gon took it. it was a sign of respect, because hisoka WANTS gon to pass. he knows hes going to be fine even if he has to get 3 more cards and gives his own to gon so that he may pass. its the thing that sparked my analysis, it was CLEAR that it was a sign of respect.

i have one more argument. believe it or not, knocking down gon was another sign of respect. while yes it brought gon to a very low point, hisoka didnt mean for that to happen. him knocking gon down was mercy, in hisokas eyes. he obviously doesnt want gon to not pass, its obvious. another sign is that geretta is killed. hisoka couldve let gon deal with it, i mean geretta didnt give a lethal dose, but hisoka didnt let that happen. he dropped his badge and left it with gon, and ran off with gerettas. if gon passed and if he passed, he was fine with that.

its all respect. he has enough respect for gon to want him to live (for now) and pass.

so why did hisoka not kill gon in zevil island when he had every chance? he had too much respect for gon to do it.

#hxh #hxh meta #gon freecss #hisoka morow #ik i got pics from 11's but i was actually watching the 90s version when i got the idea to write this #i was arguing with myself because im crazy about the way hisoka acted and i was trying to deduce WHY he didnt kill gon and #why he acted the way he did in general during that time #and i just slwoly came to realisation that gon only survived because hisoka respects him #and its so. hisokas fucking brain is so intersting i need to dissect it #litearlly i am going insane soemtimes i feel like im one of the only people in this website who fundimentally understands this clown #i know thats not like something to brag about and i sound stupid but i. i feel like i understand his reasoning but damn near everything &#perhaps that is a cause for worry #not my fault i got mentally fucked up in the head symdrome #anyways guys im hongry and the glue in my nails is peeling off and its 2am #seriously i spent hours doing dishes and that makes the glue fall off sm faster it fucking sucksssss #why do i spend hours doing dishes? because i spend hours cleaning and organising. why do i do that?😎 please help me #side note writing this at 2:25 im really hongry still man #i litearlly do not know if any of this makes sense im ujst jmjrsg .stupid clown #okay i finaly ifnished it at 4:42 am i need to go to bed i have like a hair appointment at 12 and thats important i need my blondness to #keep my sane..dont worry i only dye half of it platimun blonde because i hate yellow and its a stupid colour #anyways i feel like i couldve explained this better but i try my best #omg wiat 4:44 making this edit yayyy angel numbers #um anwyays wanted to say..shit what did i want to say........oh yes i wanted to say that i know no one asked but but i really had been thin #kin about this and i realy needd to get it out of my heaed

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tigerdrop · 3 years

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hey i just wanna say the long posts genuinely make my day. also can you talk more about gordon freeman character because the way you write him makes me quake in my gay little boots

i would love to talk about gordon freeman. thank u for the opportunity

the first thing i need to communicate about gordon is that this dude sucks. and i say this in the fondest way possible. he is a bitch from the moment he drops into the world until the moment he goes out. if you dont believe me, give it another watch! gordons mouthy and rude for no real reason, at least so far as “being a regular dude on his way into work” goes, and this dude goes around calling his coworkers names with zero provocation. (of course, we all know that the reason is because its a funny guy improv stream that borrows a bit from freemans mind, but im talkin from a character sense.)

but my argument isnt just that gordon freeman sucks. its that he sucks in a very specific way that i find insanely endearing. i love this dude. i love to hate him. hes awful in a very mundane sense - weve all known a guy like this, at least if youve spent too much time online - and its cathartic to watch him suffer because of it.

gordons a smart guy. as written, hes gotta be - hes a recent MIT grad, on his way to work at a top-secret research facility to do weird shit with crystals and theoretical physics. but the thing about smart guys is that theyre often......selectively intelligent. we can see this in the way that he has a hard time navigating his surroundings, and needs the science crew to guide him through it and keep him alive.

this is one of those things that is a natural consequence of somebody going through the game for the first time, but that i am interpreting as “gordon is kind of stupid sometimes”. its uncharitable but its not like he doesnt deserve it. he likes to boss around the crew as if he knows what hes doing, when he often very much does not, and is fond of demeaning their intelligence. hes real bad about this with tommy in particular, treating him like hes a kid whos playing at being a scientist when tommy is actually a decade older than him. all i am saying is that gordon ought to stay humble. hes awful cocky when he perceives himself as better than others.

which, i think, tracks with how cocky he gets when he gives up on the whole “well-meaning citizen” thing and just unloads bullets into people. he puts up a front of being a Nice Guy, you know, just some dude caught in a bad situation who doesnt like seeing his companions obliterate every NPC they come across, but that doesnt stop him from cackling like a fucking madman and mowing down aliens (and soldiers) every once in awhile. when he stops seeing himself as helpless and starts seeing himself as the one in control, the gloves come off. he gets mean. and i think thats very sexy of him

this, among other things, is why i am insistent that gordon freeman is a control freak. he desperately wants to be in control of the situation at all times, shepherding around the science crew primarily by bitching at them, but its of limited success. its futile. sisyphean. tommy, coomer, bubby, and benrey exist almost to torment him with exactly the thing that would make him suffer the most: a gaggle of people running around causing problems for him, but he cant go anywhere without them b/c hes reliant on them to make it out alive.

its perpetual suffering, and its cathartic to watch. and funny, too. and if youre a little weirdo like me, its very, very enjoyable. how twisted up he gets when nobodys listening to him! how sweaty and frazzled he must look. its cute, and it also makes me want to reach through the screen and shake him and tell him to just be a little nicer. he wants control but he doesnt know how to attain it, he doesnt know how to play nice like a real leader. i think its a neat contrast to gordon freeman as we know him in HL2, where he literally is the leader of the resistance and has to live up to it. this is gordon freeman but if he was moe through helplessness.

“helpless” is, i think, a great way to describe him. a core bit of imagery in half life is this sense of railroadedness and helplessness, with gordon freeman being put into play like a chess piece and having no choice but to move forward. and this iteration of gordon leans into that by being totally dependent on the science crew in order to make progress and Not Die. and hes also subject to the whims of benrey, local eldritch weirdo who has basically made it his life mission to fuck with gordon.

gordons anxieties dont help with that. if he wasnt so fun to stress out and fuck with, the science crew probably wouldnt do it so much! too bad for him that they like fucking with him so much that he was driven into a panic attack (multiple times, even, depending on your interpretation). hes got that real neurotic mindset. always worrying about shit that could go wrong, and attempting to exert control over his surroundings in an effort to control the anxiety.

IMO the real way to nail the Neurotic Gordon Freeman Experience is to combine the ever-present anxiety with his pervasive sense of self-loathing. he openly states that he has no friends and nobody seems to like him, and to that, i really gotta say, i wonder why. he doesnt really seem to factor in that hes kind of a bitch, and has way too high an estimation of his own intelligence relative to everybody elses. its really one of the worst ways to be: aware that people dont like you, but unaware of exactly why. if he was like, 10% nicer, he probably wouldnt have had half as many issues getting through black mesa, but also, its funny to see him squawking his way through the game. so, you know.

its stuff like that that makes me headcanon him as a dude with low self-esteem in general. convinced that hes not likable, not attractive, out of his element......impostor syndrome, except that theres some truth to it. this is a guy who truly does not realize how good he has it: he really is just an average shitty dude, and yet, somehow, benrey took a shine to him. some poor motherfucker out there actually likes him and wants to suck his dick. thats dedication

also, i keep bringing up “repression” when i talk about gordon. and hopefully, what ive been talking about helps explain why. he has a strong desire to be a regular dude, not just murdering his way through black mesa, but if hes pushed hard enough he leans into it. gets bossy. picks up a cigar off a dead soldier and takes a long drag, before smacking forzen around with a pistol and ordering him around. gordon freeman is a regular, kind of anxious guy who likes competitive swimming and streaming on justin.tv and making anime references, and he is also a guy who takes a filthy pleasure in making a trained soldier his bitch. and i didnt make up any of this shit - this is purestrain canon, baby. this is a guy with problems

to me, this screams the kind of guy who represses a lot of shit b/c he doesnt feel like its morally decent. you run into this guy a lot online: the wokeboy, the online leftist, the guy who spends too much time on social media websites. (like reddit. i think he would actively use reddit and he would never get any appreciable amount of karma but he never stops posting. its sisyphean! cathartic.) from the way he talks about “bootboys”, i think it tracks. he knows about imperialism, he knows about feminism, but at the end of the day hes your average american white dude who struggles with internalizing it.

a lot of those dudes struggle with sex and gender issues. (dont we all.) when youre trying to be a Good Person(tm), you spend a lot of time thinking about your own relationship to sex and kink and all that shit. and i maintain that a too-online dude who buries a lot of his control freak tendencies would also try to bury a lot of weird sexual shit in an attempt to seem Normal and Well-Adjusted and not like a little freak. i justify this by the sheer number of times gordon blurts out weird sex shit as a joke. there are only two outcomes to making that many piss jokes: either youre secretly a piss guy, or you lathe-of-heaven yourself into becoming one. i will stand by this

ive talked a lot about why this dude sucks. now, let me talk to you about what makes gordon so much fun to write. first things first: hes funny! a subjective evaluation, yeah, but both in- and out-of-character, hes aiming to be funny. and being the straight man to everybody else plays into that whole “helplessness” thing.

secondly: underneath it all, there is a good dude under there. gordon worries when his companions get hurt, he tries to clean them off and patch them up, and hes got his lil leftist heart in the right place. you could even read a lot of his bossy, bitchy demeanor as him wanting to make sure everyone gets out okay and doesnt hurt themselves. when it comes to animals and anti-imperialist sentiment, gordons a pretty good guy.

hes the kind of guy who would probably see a dog on the street and get excited and play with it, but would get really prickly about the correct way to put dishes in the dishwasher. control freak tendencies.

finally, subjecting such a miserable, tormented guy to even more psychological anguish is really, really fun. you feel a little bad for him, but he kind of deserves it. so many problems he goes through are purely of his own making, and if gordon would just relax and quit trying to hard to maintain control - of himself, of the people around him - and own up to having Problems and Issues, he would be a happier guy. but thats why its fun to bend him until he breaks. being a little control freak myself, putting gordon freeman thru psychosexual torment is cathartic.

when it comes to writing his thought processes, the fact that he is canonically some kind of psychotic (yes, i am boldly claiming this. suck me) and i am also canonically some kind of psychotic makes it easier to write what i think his thought processes are. i just give him my brain issues of “getting lost in thought” and “overthinking fucking everything”. a touch of paranoia helps. even if i dont explicitly label him as schizophrenic please know that i am writing him as a paranoid little nutcase at all times because, uh, you write what you know.

paranoid. anxious. of the mindset that everyones out to get him (which isnt helpful when everyone is out to get him). repressed and deeply Not Normal but trying so very fucking hard to be normal and well-adjusted. a control freak with sadistic tendencies who also really, really likes getting bullied by his best frenemy. a hapless little nerd who sounds really cute when his voice starts to break from nerves. and, most importantly, a dumb jock. do not ever forget this.

thats gordon freeman, babey. hope that helps

#asky #careposting

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dropoutparty · 3 years

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ngc ramblings part 3- chapter 5

here we are at part 3!!! sorry this one took so long, i originally was gonna make this post include entropy and extus (along with finally talking about face in depth) but it was so fuckin long that im splitting it into 2 different posts! the next part isnt done yet but im like almost halfway done so it shouldnt be too much longer until its out! also before we get into this one:

tw for: death, animal death, and suicide. pls take care of urself and don't read this if those things are triggering for u <3

ok lets get on with the post

at the start of entropy zach doesnt waste any time getting right to the point. this place is bigger than the other planets so far, and zach says the music this time around is a melody that “started out normal but then got distorted” played by a violin sounding instrument. even tho i do sometimes forget that this is supposed to be a creepypasta im not surprised that he said it made him feel depressed and unnerved lmao. anyways, this planet has all new level types in it!! no reused ones!! ok now this is epic. the bosses this time around are megalon, battra, and mechagodzilla, but itll be a good while before we get to those guys because this chapter is long as hell holy shit?? buckle up babez <33 now, before i get into the meat of things as usual im gonna talk abt the planet name! entropy basically means “a lack of order/predictability or a gradual decline into disorder” and that's very accurate to this part of the story. at this point, red is pissed off and is getting desperate, which means from here on out things are going to be getting more intense and more unstable. this world is the turning point in the overall story, basically.

now with that out of the way, zach first goes to the worlds quiz level as usual! this time something was different. usually, in the quiz levels there would be goofy ass music playin in the bg (specifically the GH1D0RA cheat music, if you wanna like listen to it ig?) but from here on out its been replaced by the music from the games password screen, which zach called creepy earlier on in the pasta. im gonna glaze over the quiz again this time, but when we get to the next planet ill talk about all of the quizzes in depth all at once. basically all you need to know for now abt what happens here is face asks “do you like mothra?” and when zach picks no (after going on a tangent abt how mothra sucks lmao,, bro i swear im good at the game my controllers just messed up /s), face enters bastard mode and goes “TOO BAD!” and boom now zach cant play as anyone but mothra. zach is pissed for now but little does he know this is just going to become an even more epic gamer bc of this,, youll never get better at something if you never try and all that.

after that, zach moves on to the first level type- the forest. immediately zach gets an eerie feeling from this level bc he has some kinda fear involving forests at night (i can think of a reason why but ill have to talk abt that later just to be sure). hes also not feelin great about being forced to play as mothra, so the pressure of it all is def starting to get to him by now. the music in the forest is woodwinds followed by slow, rhythmic drums and chiming bells. must have been some ominous woodwinds and bells bc it made him feel like he was intruding somewhere he shouldnt be (oh rlly?? u dont say,, everything up until now has been fine /s). getting into the level itself, eventually zach comes across some weird deer-like monsters just vibing and scares them away when he gets close. later in the level he finds more of these weird deer along with a sloth-like creature on some of the trees and some raptor dudes killing some of the deer. zach shoots one of the raptors but thats about it. nothing really happened in this level but zach noted that he didnt feel like he was playing a video game, but instead it felt more like he was exploring a forest in another dimension. thats interesting for reasons ill ~get to later~ (yall must be so tired of hearing that by now omg,, i know im tired of saying it at least. i was gonna wait until after replay to talk about things but i severely underestimated how long this whole project would be, so i might make a post for the “more on that later” stuff before i get into replay. let me know what u think i should do).

anyways, the next thing zach checks out is the first tv screen level so far. these levels just play an animation with some music in the background, and theres a different animation per level. this time around the animation is of a kid with a beaver(?) head licking a lollipop and the music is the GH1D0RA music that the quiz levels used to use. the only thing of note here is that zach says he had a shirt that looked just like that when he was a kid. after that, were off to some of the weirdest fuckin levels in this whole thing imo- the hourglass levels. these levels have an entirely brown color palette, with grandfather clocks standing in the background (the level appears to be in like a hallway or something) and various time measuring things floating in the air. the music is the same as the board (ig cosby just didnt feel like thinking of what theme this place would have lol). after a little bit zach was rlly happy to see actual enemies from the normal game show up! these are basically like aircraft, tanks, etc. thats not the main attraction here tho, bc this level has its own unique mechanic! this mechanic is the colored hourglass items you can pick up. there are three of them, a blue one that slows time down and makes enemies from the past appear, a red one that speeds up time and makes enemies from the future appear, and a green one that made the time flow normally and spawned enemies from the normal game. zach found the blue one first, which caused a bunch of prehistoric enemies based on real animals to show up. after that he found a green one and fought normal enemies again, and then he found a red hourglass. the future enemies here look like aliens to me, and zach says that one enemy reminds him of something he saw in a book once. eventually, a special future creature showed up and zach was suddenly in a boss battle! or a mini boss battle? that description is probably more accurate. this guy doesnt have a face, and he can only attack by shooting a beam from his face, it sure does look cool! after zach beat it tho, he was off to the next level type, which is basically a toxic waste dump.

zach called it grungy and inhospitable, with the music being a synth ambient loop that made him feel dizzy while he listened to it. this is important because this is the first instance of the game making zach feel something *physically*, not just psychologically. all of the enemies here are mutated to some degree, with him first seeing green mummies with bird skulls coming out from vats of toxic slutch and a brownish cow skeleton monster with spider legs. later zach comes across a deer from the woods, drinking some toxic slutch (delinchous). zach got close to it to try making it stopped but suddenly some enemies came out of nowhere and scared it into running right off a ledge and into the slutch. rip :pensive:. after that zach found more mutated enemies (i.e some things with tentacles and some other deformed thing with human teeth) before he finally gets to the end of the level, where theres another miniboss waiting for him!! this ones a toxic sludge monster with a whale skull who attacks with a mouth projectile and by charging into you. the monster sank into the slutch and thats all for this level babeyy!

the next level is another forest, but this time its winter! its still at night, but this time zach doesnt feel off put, which he mostly attributes to the music. he describes it as a gentle, calm song that almost sounded romantic. the entire first segment of this level had no enemies in it, but dw this level is interesting i swear. the next segment starts out just as empty as the last one, but this time its silent. that is, until the music from “unforgiving cold” starts playing. yaa you remember that place!! i think i said it was less interesting than i remembered but its interesting again now bc it was foreshadowing these levels!! anyways soon after the music started up, zach started to come across tons of frozen bodies of the deer from earlier. some were mutilated, some werent, but they were all frozen and covered in snow. eventually zach does come across something living though, a sloth creature from earlier! its just vibing when suddenly the winter versions of the raptors from earlier rush in and fuckin obliterate the sloth thing. those things just blindly try killing everything in sight, and even start fighting themselves before zach finally gets to the last part of the level.

now this is where shit starts to get crayzay. this part opens up to a big empty field with a full moon and the nice music from earlier back. despite the nice music tho, zach immediately starts feeling dread and eventually he finds a lake. the lake comes down from the sky and starts to crack like an egg, a humanoid figure curled up in the fetus position dropping into the lake below and the moon halves disintegrated. this spawned the moon beast, the hardest challenge zachs had to deal with so far. after he finally defeats it, the screen goes to black and the name “melissa” is on screen, written in red. after that, the screen then says kys. the word kill then fills up the screen, layering over itself until it forms a picture of reds face. its now that we finally get to hear abt the whole melissa thing (which makes it sound like shes been mentioned in the pasta before this but thats not what i mean lmao). to summarize, zach had a middle school gf named melissa (also bro middle school?? wadda hell) who often went into “episodes” where she would stare off, expressionless, before trembling and putting her face in her hands. she and zach hung out in a field at night a lot but one night she just stared at the moon the whole time before running into traffic and dying.

NOW its finally later!!! were not done with entropy yet, but this is the end of part one of entropy so i wanna just take a little break to talk about things so far. this planet is FULL of symbolism and foreshadowing. to start off, i think a lot of the questions face asks at the beginning foreshadow things that happen. some examples are “is time slipping though your fingers?” which could allude to the time levels, “do you have any regrets?” which i think obviously foreshadows the whole melissa thing, “is it safe to go out at night?” and “do you find it hard to sleep at night?” both follow the same kinda theme, which i think relates to how the melissa incident happened at night, specifically out at night. i dont think the forest levels have anything too important in them, other than to introduce the presence of an innocent, harmless creature that doesnt deserve what happens to it later (aka the deer things) which might symbolize melissa. more evidence for this symbolizing melissa comes from the encounter with the deer in the toxic dump and the winter forest, where in the former zach tries to stop it from hurting itself but is too late, being forced to watch it die, and in the latter the same innocent thing from earlier is found dead close to where the real incident took place. the two big themes to keep in mind here are death and time, more specifically the past. most of the enemies here are either made from bones or kill other enemies, there's a dedicated time level referencing things that zach remembers seeing at one point (aka that one alien zach recognized), the beaver head had the same shirt as child zach did, it all connects to zachs past and the death of melissa. as for the moon beast, its the most obvious reference for reasons ive already explained. i dont really know what the moon cracking open and dropping a curled up human into the lake could mean other than some other thing melissa related, but i *do* think that the fact that the moon beast is the most difficult thing zach has faced so far is symbolic of the fact that the trauma from this event has followed him throughout his entire life, and its something he struggles with daily. it could even be the reason why he said no when face asked if he could sleep easily at night. the moon beast also has some black fur around its neck, which i think is meant to represent a tire track, referencing and/or mocking the way melissa died.

its so cool how this entire part of the story builds up to and foreshadows the bomb it drops at the end of the part, giving people something to look back on. a lot of ppl say that as soon as the melissa stuff gets introduced the story goes down in quality, and i do somewhat agree with that sentiment, especially if they want the story to actually be scary, but i think the direction the story goes from this point on is so unique and cool. it does follow the whole “theres a ghost in the game” troupe (even tho it was probably seen as a spin on that originally) but it doesnt do the same cliches as so many other gaming creepypastas do and it really takes the concept and makes it its own. i just think its neat,,,

anyways im done gushing abt this story, lets get on with part 2 of extus!! basically zach has a fuckin panic attack and, after taking a few minutes to calm himself down when its over, he decides that he has to finish the game now because if he doesnt its just going to haunt him for the rest of his life. zach has now realized that the game is “alive” and can somehow see his thoughts and memories, so understandably hes pretty freaked out by it at this point. when he keeps playing, the first thing he does is check out another tv screen level. this time, the animation is of a fish dude just kinda standing there with his mouth flapping open and closed and the music is the neptune board music from the original game. the only reason i can think of for why this is here is maybe the game is mocking zach for the panic attack he just had (bc when u have a panic attack you feel like you can barely breathe, if ur lucky enough to have never had one before and u dont know) but thats abt it. its probably just a random goofy thing cosby threw in there.

anyways, the next actual level is the first labyrinth level. this time around, its a gold labyrinth specifically. the music in these levels is a slow, ominous drum beat with female vocals occasionally coming in and (basically from here on out) the monster zach plays as is now half the size it used to be. i think this shows how zachs feeling at this point, like this whole thing isnt just being a big strong monster and beating up enemies any more, he feels small and scared and helpless in the face of something potentially dangerous that he doesnt understand maybe his confusion about the game is the reason *why* theres so many labyrinth levels here in the first place. anyways im getting ahead of myself. personally, i think the aesthetic of the gold labyrinth is very similar to the green temples back on trance. while trance had a more circular and soft theme to it's architecture and sculpture, entropys is much more square or rectangle oriented. despite this, i think that the golden mazes at least are another religious kind of building, and the architecture is just different because theyre two different cultures who just happen to worship the same spiritual figure (aka melissa. did i say that earlier? i think i did,, if i didnt well the religions worship melissa, not knowing she's a dead human or anything. probably).

moving on, zach notes how the gold labyrinth would probably have been impossible to navigate as any of the other monsters, so turns out face being an asshole was a blessing in disguise after all huh? anyways this place is full of weird gold monsters, lava/fire traps, and stone faces (both in more of an easter island head style and in the regular feminine headshot weve seen so far). zach comes across two feminine heads, one that is more adult looking and pure gold, and another one that looks much younger and whos eyes have red irises and blue scleras. this statue apparently looks a lot like melissa did on the night she died, so zach leaves it pretty quickly. i *think* this is the first time we see the color blue associated with melissa? if it isnt sorry abt that, its been a couple days since i worked on ngcr so ive forgotten some of the smaller or more subtle things by now. GOD i keep getting side tracked ANYWAYS eventually zach finds a non-gold enemy and sees it get picked up by like an arcade crane claw. hes curious so he follows the claw, only to see the monster be put in a big gold cauldron and walk out the side of it as a gold monster.

gonna be honest, no idea what the hell this could mean. like? theres been no themes of corruption or good things becoming evil so far so this just kinda. exists,, yea idk lol. im not part of like any discord servers or anything so all this theorizing and analysis has just been me, maybe getting some small ideas from like random youtube comments or something, so if something ive said so far has been unanimously disagreed with somewhere i dont know about it. thats also why this isnt really a definitive or comprehensive analysis (even tho im trying to be as comprehensive as i can).

anyways zach finds the exit soon after and hes on to the next level type (there's so fucking many of them ik dont worry weve almost gotten to all of them now), the indigo cliffs. the background of these levels is similar to the blue mountains from trance, but now the moon and clouds from the toxic dump background is also here (and colored indigo to match). the music here is just a deep rumbling noise. the first “enemies” he sees here are just a bunch of multicolored little guys coming out of a hole in the ground and jumping off a cliff. were continuing the death theme yall!! anyways zach continues, flying over some more weird creatures (tho some of them just look like dinosaurs lol) before he sees a bunch more of the multicolored guys out and about but this time theyre getting grabbed by birds!! wadda heel!!! zach comments on how the multicolored dudes seem eager to die and thinks maybe the moon has something to do with it (like melissa dude wat!!!! that's crazy /s). at the end of the level there were some more multicolored dudes just walking into a creatures mouth so zach attacked the thing and killed it and the levels over yay!

now its time for the bosses babeyy!!! first zach fights battra (basically an evil moth kaiju), the music is varans theme. battra starts off in his larvae form, where he basically just fought by running into you and shooting stuff at you. while fighting this form, zach noticed that the game buffed mothra because his gamer skillz were too cringe lmaoo. he beats the larvae form and battra goes into his second form, where hes basically a stronger clone of mothra (misogyny). zach fights battra and has fun doing it (for once,, good for him) and he wins yay! next hes fighting megalon (a big beetle/bug kaiju), whos music was gigans theme. im tired when im writing this so ill just give you zachs description of how he fought: “strong, persistent, but dumb”. after this, zach checks out the last tv screen of entropy. this time, it shows a big buff guy with a sack over his head hit a womans head with a sledgehammer while shes tied to a table or something. the music for it was the password theme. i think this is probably here because red is getting angrier? like this guy is still here after i triggered his ptsd?? what the hell!!!

anyways before we get to the last boss we have one last level type to get through- the shadow labyrinth. at this point, zach starts to feel drained because no shit sherlock you just had a panic attack and youve been playing this game for fuckin several hours at this point of course youre fuckin drained. anyways zach enters the shadow labyrinth, which is a black recolor of the gold labyrinth. the music is “evil ambience” similar to unforgiving colds music but distinctly different apparently. there werent any enemies so zach just kinda wandered for a while until the lights turned off, darkening the whole screen and (secretly) spawning tons of spooky enemies thatll chase and hit mothra in the dark. eventually the lights came back on and zach started scrambling to the exit. when the lights turned back off, zach was able to find one of the melissa looking statues and stood next to it. it warded off the monsters while the lights were off, so zach was safe. i think this shows 2 things: 1) its a little more validation for my “religion in this world worships melissa” theory and 2) it foreshadows the way melissa wants to protect zach at the end of the game. zach beat the shadow labyrinth a lot faster than the gold one so were done with all the stages now!! now theres only the last boss and red and were done with entropy!

the last boss is mechagodzilla, but when zach starts the level, normal godzilla is there instead!! its whatever tho bc soon the disguise is gone and its just pretty much the normal mechagodzilla fight (but now hes got a gay beam). at about half health tho, mechagodzillas sprite breaks into pieces like gezoras did way back on earth and reforms into not-mechagodzilla. even tho it looks uncanny (and the usage of the face statue on the front is probably there to further mock zach bc melissa) zach beats it p easily and now its time for the chase. ba dum ba dum thats the sound of a chase.

as usual tho, before i get to the red chase its time to talk about entropy as a planet!! i think the best way to describe the layout is “a big forest with a toxic waste dump in it takes up half the planet while the other half is a large religious temple/labyrinth with a dangerous underbelly”. there doesnt seem to be any intelligent life there now (its all dead by now probably) but there was at some point at least because imean the huge labyrinth is there dude!!! i dont have much to say for this section tbh bc i feel like i've already said everything i wanted to, so its time for the chase ig!!

basically the chase with red here takes place in a labyrinth level bc of course it does. this labyrinth, however, seems to be made of some kind of organic matter. is it flesh? organs? nondescript viscera? idk but it's pulsating and bloody. also this time red has wings too!! anyways, basically zach avoids red throughout the maze, red breaks through one of the walls with his big alien tongue, and zach gets to the end of the maze. nothing crazy happens at the end of this chapter (i think it was crazy enough as is) so thats the end of that and now its time for the penultimate planet- extus.

#ngc ramblings #nes godzilla creepypasta #godzilla nes creepypasta #godzilla nes

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bottomlwjrights · 4 years

Text

MO DAO ZU SHI REREAD:Thoughts™️....and Stuff

Chapter 43

Oh im trying so hard to stay calm as im about to read this but im so excited i love these chapters

Im really trying but even wwx making the effort to analyze lwj’s face is driving me nuts

Id just like to point out these chapters are titled “Allure”

Oh no this is like what he did when they were writing in the library

“Both his features and the hand at his forehead were impeccably fair in color. He looked as if he was a piece of fine jade”

Wwx was describing how lwj smells and how the sandalwood scent was warmed up by the wine and then said “the scent could almost be described as intoxicating” im gonna scream

“Now that Wei WuXian was near enough, the scent intertwined with his breaths. He couldn’t help but bent down further so that he was even closer to Lan WangJi. Vaguely, he thought to himself, Strange… Why is it starting to feel a bit hot in here?” Ohohoho

“Wei WuXian finally noticed that his heart was beating a bit too fast.” Shut uuuuuup

Okay im gonna lose my mind, i love wen ning

Also he left a man shaped dent in the ground when he fell

“Won’t you be a good boy?” Wwx calling lwj a good boy is canon so suck it i guess

Wwx brushing his fingers along lwj’s eyelashes is tender

Wwx, @ wn knealing in front of him: what the fuck are you doing? Stand up

Wwx obviously believes wn to be an equal to him, kneeling when he kneels, kowtowing when he kowtows until wn finally decides to stand in front of him

Wow anyways loved that ningxian moment

God....i feel so bad for wn...

Jin Ling....please...

This scene hurts me

Goddamn is wn someone who takes the blame for everything

Do NoT kiCk My BoY

Just a note, wwx does come to wn’s defense here, pulling lwj back and telling him to calm down

Wwx really doesnt like it when wn kneels to him

“Lan WangJi scrunched his brows and covered his ears. He then turned around with his back toward Wen Ning. Facing Wei WuXian, he used his own body to block their eye contact.” Lwj acts like such a little kid when he’s drunk oh my gosh

“Just as he was about to leave, Wei WuXian stopped him, ‘Wen Ning, why don’t you… find somewhere to hide first?’ Wen Ning paused for a second. Wei WuXian added, ‘One can say that you’ve died twice already. Go get some good rest.’” I dont care what anyone else says this is sweet “go get some good rest” 🤧

Lwj really took off his forehead ribbon for wwx without skipping a beat wow....

Oh and how wrong wwx is about it not holding any significance, he just doesnt know it yet

Trying to stay calm, trying not to scream about lwj taking off his forehead ribbon for wwx and then tying his wrists together with it

Knfnckc lwj reaching to take off wwx clothes again slnfckfk

“You said that you’ll listen to me, didn’t you? Be a good boy and take it off.” Twice in one chapter? Im being fed

“Lan WangJi stared into the distance as he tugged at the ends of the forehead ribbon, contently swinging them around.” 🥺🥺🥺🥺 thats so cute

Ooooh lwj decided to show people when wwx said it would look bad on lwj if someone else saw them because he doesnt care if it makes him look bad hes gonna publicly claim wwx as his

Only ljy would hurl himself across a table to cover up a bottle of wine lmao

Lan WangJi is So shameless, holds up wwx’s hands tied with his forehead ribbon in front of his son and the other Lan disciples who know exactly what that means

Chapter 44

Chicken wing chicken wing

God im never gonna get over lsz shoving the chicken wing back into ljy’s mouth

Oh pls....lwj shoving wwx on the bed...

Oh!!! I forgot that after wwx said ow, lwj checked his head... he really didnt wanna hurt him

I really vibe with lwj being so concerned and gentle

“Sitting on the bed, Lan WangJi hugged his knees and clutched the hand that Wei WuXian had just licked to his chest, not moving at all.” I 🥺🥺🥺🥺

My god lwj was scared that he was gonna wipe it off 😭😭😭

Okay this is so so so cute, i dont care what anyone else thinks

“Hiding behind the screen, he showed only half of his fair-skinned face, peeking silently at the direction of Wei WuXian.” This tears me up

“You caught me”

“he enunciated each word with heavy emphasis and sounded anxiously eager” jakfncjfof gOD

Aw :( you’re not gonna lick me??? :(

Anyways lwj likes to be licked my wwx 👀

“Again clutching the hand that had been licked, he faced the wall silently.” Goddamnit this is so fucking cute 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Listen they should play chase or hide-and-seek post canon, like itd be so cute and sweet, somebody should hop on that

“As he spoke, he held up one of Lan WangJi’s hands, bent down, and kissed between two of his slender fingers.” Listen im trying to not freak out but this is incredibly tender

“Wei WuXian’s lips pressed onto his distinct knuckles. Softer than the touch of feather, his breaths wandered to the back of his hand, and he kissed again.” This entire scene is too much

Hand and wrists kisses are so tender good god im gonna scream

“Over the clothing, he kissed where his heart was” jajfnkc so sweet!

“Suddenly, however, as Wei WuXian stared at those soft, pale-red lips, he didn’t know what had taken over him, but he suddenly went and kissed them.After the kiss, he even licked them, as though a kiss wasn’t enough.” AHHHHHHHH

I know that lwj wanted to deescalate the affection, but did he have to do it by knocking himself out???

“Even though he was drunk, even though he wouldn’t remember anything when he sobers up, I still shouldn’t have done something so outrageous… It’s too disrespectful to him.” This is important

God i love when characters touch their own lips after a kiss it’s such a good trope

“In the future, it was best to not make Lan Zhan drink anymore” this is also important

Okay this was one of my favorite chapters to read so far

Chapter 45

I physically cannot handle lwj gently picking wwx up off the ground and putting him into bed right now

“... Wei WuXian could see Lan WangJi’s still-indifferent face. He immediately felt more awake...” i cannot

This entire scene is too tender for me, lwj rubbing ointments on wwx’s wrists...

Thinking about how wwx and lwj shared both their firsts kiss and how they’ve never kissed anybody except eachother

It makes sense that people including wwx would assume that lwj is straight bc thats what people do even in modern times (bc homophobia and heteronormativity) but also how tf does anyone think lwj is anything except gay

“It’s possible that he’s never even had such thoughts before…” “But judging from Lan Zhan’s habit of self-restraint, he’s probably really careful about not crossing any lines.” false.

Lwj just letting the juniors socialize, because hes good

Wwx once again taking any chance he can to bestow knowledge and wisdom upon the juniors, this time jl

“After the mention of Lan WangJi, Jin Ling looked to Wei WuXian in a strange way. He wanted to say something, but held it back, ‘You and HanGuang-Jun… Nevermind.It’s your own business. Anyways, I don’t care about you guys at all. Have fun being cut-sleeve. The disease is incurable.’”JIN LING

“I already know the meaning behind the GusuLan Sect’s forehead ribbon. Now that it’s already like this, then stay by HanGuang-Jun’s side properly. Even if you’re a cut-sleeve, you should be a modest one. Don’t go about messing with other men, especially people from our sect! Or else, don’t blame the results on me.” Kandkckdkdn i can NOT

The scene kills me wow

As my reading buddy asked, why does wwx not mention wn when talking about how jc and lwj know who he is? Like does he not think thats pretty significant? especially bc thats one of the things that tipped jc off

LWJ IS SO SASSY 😨

Also pls stop picking on him about his memory

Ahhh the damsel of annual blossoms...

God i love wwx.....

Did lwj write the book that lsz read this from......

“Although still expressionless, an unusual glint hid beneath his eyes. He looked as though he was laughing at him.”

GOD “Wei WuXian’s heart skipped a beat and then thumped faster and faster.”

Lsz is the one to tell wwx about the meaning of the forehead ribbon

The lan juniors blushing thinking about what wwx means to lwj

Once again, wwx describing lwjs appearance in depth, talking about how dashing he is

“Along with that overly-pretty face of Lan WangJi’s, now that they met again, Wei WuXian’s eyes had momentarily been blinded by his looks, failing to immediately recognize him.”

“Softer than even the touch of catkin blossoms carried by the wind, the object made Wei WuXian’s cheek itch....The ends of his forehead ribbon danced in the breeze, gently brushing against Wei WuXian’s face.” Wow....i love this imagery with all my heart

The way that somethings are worded in this novel is just so beautiful

Lxc and the others lan sect disciples reactions....

Yanno the lan disciple who whispered “a man” definitely wasnt making things better, considering lwj definitely had a crush on wwx at this point

“He seems a bit too excited. It seems like he really loves HanGuang-Jun a lot. Look at how happy he is…” WHICH LAN SAID THIS

Wwx is so mortified by this entire situation because he kept violating something sacred to lwj, doing something so intimate like touching his forehead ribbon without his consent and he didn’t even really know that he was doing it

#mine #Phoenix rereads MDZS #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #wangxian #ningxian #wangningxian #i will take very little bit of nx and wnx as i can i love them all so much #lwj #wwx #wn #lsz #ljy #been a long while since the last one for reasons and stuff

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thehollowprince · 4 years

Note

1/2 complete fabrications made up by fanon to make a character same more likeable or relatable or to simply usurp Scott’s role as the titular hero, the Teen Wolf // Unlike Scott Stans, Stiles & Derek fans don’t need to erase canon or rewrite our favs as a completely different characters than they are in the actual show in order to make them more likable or relatable: they already are. So much that even ur whiny, bitter, OBSESSED fav Posey keeps gushing all over Stiles and Dylan O’Brien’s acting

2/2 completely unprompted and openly admitted that he wanted to play Derek because he was jealous of Sterek/Hobrien and desperately wanted Teen Wolf fans to ship Stiles with HIS character Scott instead. So yeah: if you think that Teen Wolf fans and viewers are ‘racist’ for preferring objectively talented actors and unique fictional characters to your bland, whiny, boring, toxic, irrelevant fav Tyler Posey/Scott McCall, then Tyler Posey must be the racist of them all. 🤷🏽🤷🏽🤷🏽

I worry about you, I really do. It can't be healthy for your mind to be this obsessed with how other people view 1: a fiction character, and 2: an actor you've never met and probably will never meet.

Like, are you okay? Seriously?

Because if you actually watched the show there's no way you can write all of those things and not understand how racist your being by going out of your way to remove any kind of context just so that you can paint the brown boy as a horrible, evil person. A brown boy you later go on to describe as bland and boring. I mean, which is it? He's either evil or he's boring? I'm getting mixed signals here.

I mean, the very thought that Stiles and Derek fans don't erase canon and rewrite it to makes them look better is so laughable that I'm actually kind of nauseous. I really do wonder what fandom you interacted with, because it wasn't the Teen Wolf fandom that I saw on Tumblr.

Tyler liking Dylan's acting isn't news to anyone. They were best friends both on screen and off. Do you not support your friends?

Althoughthat does bring us to the weird part of these asks. I'm seriously confused as to where and why Hoechlin and O'Brien came into this "conversation"? I never mentioned them. But this all just goes to further prove that you seem to have this mindset that if anyone likes Scott/Posey, then obviously they must hate Stiles/O'Brien and Derek/Hoechlin. That's not how that works. I can like Tyler Posey and Scott McCall without it reflecting negatively on the other two.

You do understand that, right? Please tell me you understand that?

I actually really like Hoechlin, and since we're speaking objectively, I can say with all honesty that I don't think that O'Brien is all that and a bag of potato chips the way some of you do.

As for all your other bullshit, please supply me with links to where Posey said all this stuff about wanting to play Derek and get in on Sterek, because I don't remember anything like that happening. I remember him dissing Sterek (in a way too polite for some of you) because he got tired of being constantly harassed by fans over a crack ship.

But we've already gone round and round on that one, so well just slide right past that and address your accusations against Scott's character.

We recognize that it was extremely OOC for Scott to do so we turn to canon to try and find some reasoning behind that move within the context of the story. Otherwise, such an incident doesn’t make any sense / Scott assaulting someone out of jealousy is neither OOC nor an isolated accident, though. Canon Scott McCall repeatedly assaulted Jackson over Allison, violated a rape victim’s boundaries, bodily autonomy and consent, mind-raped Corey, used Hayden as bait against without her consent, etc...

Scott threw down with Jackson when the latter was physically/sexually assaulting Allison at the time. Or did you block that out of your mind? Yes, it was actually what's-his-name that was controlling Jackson, but Scott didn't know who it was at the time. Should he have just let Jackson-not-Jackson continue? No, because then you'd be hear telling me how Scott did nothing while his girlfriend was assaulted.

You people really are a case of "damned if you do, damned if you don't". You are fully committed to twisting anything and everything Scott ever did paint him in a negative light.

I honestly don't know which "rape victim" you're referring to, but here's a better analysis of what Scott did to Corey which is better than anything I could come up with. Full credit to @princeescaluswords

Per the Hayden thing, where was this outrage when Stiles stole a police vehicle to hold a kidnapped Jackson in? When he killed Donovan? When he illegally made copy keycards for the police station despite knowing it could cost his dad his job? The time he purposely got his father drunk so that he could find out more about a murder case that he had no right to? How about the fact that he knew Lydia's body size without ever having really talked to her before? What about him trusting Theo? What about him assaulting Scott after he had literally died?

What about Derek taking advantage of three emotionally compromised teenagers in order to build up his own strength and then pretty much abandoning them when they didn't worship him as alpha? What about him physically assaulting a bunch of teenagers more than once?

I'm not making these up. They're all there if you actually watched the show.

All of these characters have done morally questionable things throughout the course of the show to beat the bad guys, but for some reason its only the brown boy that's being held to such a ridiculously high standard.

Hmmm? I wonder why that is? 🤔

Does it explain why Scott threw Isaac? No. There is no excuse for what Scott did, but the ritual that awoke the Nemeton does offer an explanation. And see, that’s the difference between you and me, in that I understand the difference between an explanation and an excuse / Your fabricated and already debunked “the Nemeton made him do it!” crap sounds an awful lot like an excuse for Scott’s canonical shitty actions and violent behavior tbh. Even Posey said that Scott abused Isaac out of jealousy

I really don't have time to again explain to you the difference between an explanation and an excuse. I've never excused what Scott did to Isaac. It's actually one of the few times I didnt like him, which is why I looked for any reason as to explain that reaction. It's not perfect, but it is plausible.

The funniest thing about all of these to me is that you are very clearly a Sterek shipper who worships those two characters and tears down Scott in an attempt to boost them up, but in canon, Stiles and Derek were two of Scott's biggest supporters/cheerleaders. So, y'know, sleep well knowing the characters you love were big fans of a character you hate.

I mean, that's so sweet it has to be fattening.

#ask and ye shall recieve #scott mccall defense squad #tyler posey #teen wolf fandom problems #teen wolf meta

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opalgelance · 4 years

Text

thoughts on steven universe future

td;lr overall opinion: steven universe future is better than most of the original steven universe, especially seasons 3-5, but there are still some real iffy plotlines in future

i hate that the diamonds were redeemed but at the same time, the happy clouds blue and yellow putting gems back together scenes were so pure

it simultaneously warms my heart and infuriates me

but we finally got a blue diamond song, god i love her voice

EDIT: also steven basically tortured white diamond and nearly killed her and it was pretty disturbing bc steven is 1. in a really bad mental state, like way darker than i thought they’d show him go, since this is technically a kids show and 2. was also kind of trying to hurt himself, which both hit me really hard bc i had similar periods of blazing anger, wanting to self harm and harm others that i felt had wronged me when i was a teenager, but its also what white deserves

ncsndlljklkcndkls i want to enjoy this show so bad but,,, steven having ptsd makes him a violent douche??? diamonds killed who knows how many gems in their reign and never really felt bad about it in original su but now they’re supportive life coaches??? no thank you

on more positive notes, i loved how priyanka described mental health and how she treated steven throughout the entire check up, she was so nonconfrontational and whenever he felt stressed she deescalated the situation,,, it was so good

the animation is the best its been since season 2. the poses are clean, very well drawn, and on model. there are more action scenes than like 90% of steven universe and they’re animated way better, like theres actual fighting and motion asjksacbcbj no one is stiffly posed, no one has strange proportions, no one is drastically changing sizes in between shots (well besides steven in growing pains onward but when he does change size its supposed to be like that lol)

i liked seeing the real roses but didnt love it? i wish we saw more of the roses designs up close, and i wish they fit a little more with the other quartzes? it might be just because its era 3, but the roses were all way more unique than jaspers and amethysts generally seem to be. i like that they were more unique designs and had different personalities, but surely the diamonds wouldnt have tolerated that back in era 1 or even era 2, had the rose quartzes not been bubbled? also i get that they’re reminiscent of pink bc she created them, but hippie and superfan were so naive, more so than other quartzes. if each quartz group was slightly different, it would make a little more sense tbh like if quartzes were the entire gem army, but each group was slightly different. i always liked the idea that rose quartzes were either the defense or the healers of the gem army.

little homeschool and guidance were fun and genuinely enjoyable, considering not a whole ton happens in them. i wish townie episodes had been more like them. like you could replace the gems with random humans, but it would still be a fun episode? idk, maybe involving the humans in gem stuff wouldve made better townie episodes, like lars and the cool kids. it wouldve probably helped steven feel more “human” too, if the human and gem worlds collided a bit more in the series.

bluebird was... an ok episode, but im not sure how well it will fit into what i feel like the end will be, where every episode of future featured someone steven helped or affected in some way, and they all come together to help steven when he corrupts. or rather, i guess if bluebird did say something, it would feel more hollow bc steven didnt help them lol the gems and universes were just friendly to them, and thats it. it wasnt as bad as a very special episode (my least favorite episode of future), but it felt like a townie episode with no townies LOL at least we got a new fusion i guess

a very special episode was just,,, infuriating. there was that weird football scene where they just like,,, talk about screen resolution for a minute then play the full commercial for little homeworld we just saw last episode???? i did genuinely enjoy the rainbow scenes, but it just built up to not nothing. oh no, it was something alright. the whole episode was just future vision and then theres like a minute long psa??? it felt like that wacky randomness that would have happened in like, ok ko, teen titans go, or clarence jaskjcbkcjbskb

mr universe is tied with dear old dad episode as my least favorite greg episode. i get how both of them feel. greg wanted to tell steven about how he escaped from his miserable childhood and remade who he was, no longer a demayo but a universe. the problem imo was that greg became way too absorbed in the past. it reminds me a bit of s1 pearl, how she’d proudly recount gem battles and basked in the glory of fighting for their freedom, but she struggled when she had to recount the more unsavory parts of war. and that really affected amethyst, since she didnt fight in the glorified war pearl told her and steven about. amethyst was the byproduct of one of the bad parts of the war, and that became part of her identity, until on the run, where pearl finally realized that she needed to tell amethyst that she wasnt bad. amethyst’s creation may have fractionally hurt the earth, but that wasnt her fault. it wasnt her fault that she emerged too late to fight either. and it wasnt her fault that she existed. sounds familiar to to stevens rant in the van.

steven didnt ask to be made. he didnt ask to be the half gem half human son of a diamond. but he grew up being told about how great his mom was, and that while no one would ever say it, she was gone because of him. to create steven, rose had to die. it was roses decision, but as the product of that decision, steven feels responsible. not only that, but being told constantly about his amazing mother, steven felt like he had to live up to her, had to be like her, had to replace her in the gems and greg’s lives. throughout the series, steven is constantly either trying to be like his mother, until he realizes its ok to be himself. but then the question is posed; is steven even himself? or is he still part of rose? and once he finds out that he’s steven, and has always been steven, he’s still reeling from the realization that his mother was pink diamond. and that really shows in future, where steven is becoming like pink. at first he doesnt even know, because besides the jungle moon dream, him and the audience never knew about this side of pink. this angry, short tempered, diamond who lashes out mostly physically. and unlike before, no one’s telling steven about pink (besides pink pearl) hes finding out firsthand, and this pink mode is basically being forced on him by his gem. steven has little to no control over this form. hes not trying to live up to his mother, or wondering if he is her, like before. now, he’s losing control to whatever programming is in his gem.

but back to mr universe. in the van, greg is going on and on about how lucky steven is, and how free steven is, but how can either of them compare their lives to each other? the similarities just arent there. steven is right, greg and pink were “raised” in very similar “households”. both had their wishes and desires suppressed by controlling, abusive parents. we know pink was abused mentally, verbally and physically (being physically dragged away from the screen by yellow in jungle moon, stevonnie being grabbed and thrown into the time out cell by yellow, when she still thought steven was pink), but greg at the very least was mentally assaulted. but they diverge from here. as greg said, he thought disco was back. rose started a war. you cant compare them any further.

but at the same time, steven was raised completely differently. he was raised in a home with love and freedom, but he was also not given the opportunity to be a normal kid. theres a difference being forcing your kid to do something and not giving them the chance to try something. steven was never given the option to go to school (well in the comics he was but i guess thats not canon now since it seems like steven wishes he went to school?) he was never given the option to live in a house, or go to the mall with friends. the only other kids he knew were the boardwalk kids, but even then, he doesnt seem very close with them. for such an outgoing, friendly kid, steven wasnt given many opportunities to make friends. steven’s upbringing was very relaxed, yes, but it was too relaxed. he needed more structure, and more importantly, more humanity. i always thought it was weird, how little steven seems to have interacted with humans before connie, considering that his mother so desperately wanted steven to experience being human. yes the show is about gems, (and yes, i dont like most townie episodes), but steven was never shown doing a lot of “human” kid things inbetween episodes. the episode never started with him coming home from a friends house, he hardly ever spent time with friends other than connie in little scenes. like he was never called for a mission while playing cards with peedee, or coming home after an after school activity. any scenes like that were either just steven by himself, or with greg, and occasionally connie. but connie is a new addition to his life. how many years has he been doing fun stuff with only his dad for company, or by himself? yknow, “non traditional” childhoods and living situations are becoming more and more common in media, rather than the “two parents in a suburb house” thing, but steven’s life is beyond any unusual childhood any other kid would have. i mean he’s never even been to the doctor! which is probably for several reasons, like the fact that he apparently doesnt have a ssn, he can heal himself, has a damn gemstone in his stomach, and is half alien. but still, thats not something he has in common with other kids. no matter how much love and freedom he was given, steven was raised as an outcast.

i agree with the notion that both greg and steven were both right and wrong in mr universe. i guess they both have that in common with rose lol

greg should have read the room better, realized that his pep talk wasnt the support and apology steven needed to hear. but steven shouldnt have acted out in the way he did. i get that’s the “theme” of steven’s spiral, maybe for the younger audience to better understand how steven is acting? but crashing his dad’s van that gregs been living in for like 20 years? fucking SHATTERING jasper? that’s going way too far to prove a point. it would have been better to maybe mirror story for steven, where marty and greg are arguing, marty is watching the road and they narrowly avoid hitting a car. but crashing the car could have been pretty serious, especially for greg. now jasper, that episode shouldnt have been approved. steven should not have shattered jasper. he fucking killed her. rose/pink didnt even shatter anyone. and if it wasnt for steven getting another superpower out of nowhere, jasper would have stayed that way. he should have just cracked her gem, poofing her in the process. the rest of the episode wouldve played out exactly the same.

anyways ive been writing this for like 2 hours but i feel better letting it all out. if you enjoy future keep enjoying it! it’s definitely more like a B+ compared to season 3-5′s general C-/D+. but please take into consideration future has some themes that people personally relate to, like mental health, and that you shouldnt shit on someone elses opinions that are based on their own personal experiences. especially if you dont have mental health issues, dont keep pushing your opinion and telling people that personally relate to future’s themes that they’re wrong? thats fucked up man

#suf #steven universe future #suf spoilers

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bo0zey · 4 years

Note

Pick your favorite questions from the list.

i will do them all for u 0.o

1. Name cianna [see-ah-nah]

2. Nationality mexican irish german romanian hungarian french

3. Age 20

4. Birthday december 17, 1999

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign) sun: sagittarius; ascendant: leo; moon: aries

6. Gender female

7. Sexuality uhhhhhhhhhhhh idk but i will willingly kiss either gender

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself) /tagged/my-face or u could just google pictures of fat rats

9. What do you/did you study? I’m currently a sophomore nursing major!

10. What's your current job like?/What job would you like to have? I’m currently a microbiology TA and I love it :) My dream job would be something with animals, like a vet tech or veterinarian

11. Your birth order i’m the oldest!

12. How many siblings do you have? 2 younger brothers

13. Do you have good relations with your family? my mom was my best friend, my dad and i get along better now that i’m in college, my brothers and i get along pretty well & we’re staring to get closer now that they’re getting older n growing up n developing their own personalities lol

14. How many friends do you have? errrr idk this is a hard question. i have a lot of acquaintances but i’d say i have maybe like less than 10 real friends??

15. Your relationship status single :D

16. What do you look for in a SO? funny!!!!!!!!!must be humorous!!!!and sarcastic and a little weird w darker sense of humor so we can laugh n be dumb together!!!!!!! also i would like them to be kind to me and those around them bc mean ppl suck. also they have to like animals. also i would like them to be loyal and trustworthy and 110% in love w me. and for physical stuff idk kinda attractive but NOT CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE like i personally don't really like the typically ‘attractive’ person???

17. Do you have a crush? currently in love w the cute chinese boy who lives across from my dorm room even tho i have never even spoken to him n he is totally unaware of my existence!!!!!!!! hahah oops :D

18. When did you have your first kiss? i mean technically 3rd grade i think but that doesn't really count so like maybe 16????

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands? i mean in the long term i would definitely like to have a serious relationship but at the moment i’m only into casual stuff bc my heart isn't ready to be broken again sknfkjdbnkjd

20. What are your deal breakers? errrr i’m not sure....cheating is a no no, ppl that are interested in fucking every single person they see is a turn off, DUMB PEOPLE like ppl you can't even have a proper conversation with bc they're so DUMB, and ppl who r mean/judgmental/arrogant

21. How was your day? ok! accidentally slept thru my math class but caught a glimpse of my crush across campus when he was abt to smoke a cig and i got chipotle n i online shopped a ton from shein

22. Favourite food & drink deep dish spinach pizza from giordano’s & orange vitamin water

23. What position do you sleep in? i fall asleep on my left side hugging a body pillow

24. What was your last dream about? ate a braid of hair and inside the braid was bacon

25. Your fears not going to make it thru nursing school, not being financially stable as an adult, not having a family of my own, probably more but those r currently top 3

26. Your dreams i don't have any idk....maybe having like a house of my own and having as many animals as i want?? and i would like a loving partner with a daughter of our own

27. Your goals survive nursing school and lose 40 pounds and don't die before my cat

28. Any pets? i have a dog named cherry Cola, a cat named Leto, and a betta fish named Perc

29. What are your hobbies? writing stories about people in love, listening to music

30. Any cool places in your area? in my college town??? NO it sucks. in my hometown??? Not really it’s a small lil village with only restaurants and parks. but at home i’m near downtown chicago so that’s cool i guess

31. What was your last awkward situation? the first thing that comes to mind is my FIRST and so far ONLY encounter with my crush. we live in the same dorm building and i was wearing my nursing scrubs and had no make up on and about to go upstairs to my dorm, and then i heard footsteps and i was like ‘hahaha what if its my crush’ AND THEN HE FUCKIGJNG appeared from down the hallway to go back to HIS DORM [which is RIGHT ACROSS FROM MINE] and i literally STARED at him, then threw open the door and RAN UP THE STAIRS LIKE I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN HOLD THE DOOR OPEN FOR ME AND HE WAS LIKE SO CLOSE BEHIND ME I WAS JUST SO NERVOUS MY FLIGHT OR FIGHT RESPONSE TOOK OVER AND I FUCKING FLED I LITERALLY RAN AWAY FROM HIM I AHTE MYSELF SO MUCH IM SUCH AN IDIOT!!!!!!!!!

32. What is your last regret? errrrr idk i regret a lot of dumb things.......

33. Language/s you can speak English n a LITTLE bit of Spanish

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.) i’m really into zodiac stuff and i have got to say they are pretty spot on in accuracy idk

35. Have any quirks? ummmm ofc!!i am the quirkiest person i know hajnjfxbkjx like if u asked my roommates/friends they’d probably be better at answering this than me bc i don't see anything abt me as quirky but they always tell me i am quirky and do weird things but idk man I'm just existing

36. Your pet peeves err idk currently its ppl that constantly brag about dumb shit

37. Ideal vacation somewhere warm with me + the ocean + the loml + unlimited alcohol

38. Any scars? yeah :D both emotional AND physical!!!!

39. What does your last text message say? ‘ok thats a more than fair statement’

40. Last 5 things from your search history how many carbs should i eat, chipotle bowl calories, is the grim reaper the angel of death, ceftriaxone adverse effects, red man syndrome

41. What's your [device] background? lockscreen is a peach-theme background i made and home screen is my weight loss goals

42. What do you daydream about? the characters in my stories.................and being skinny

43. Describe your dream home pretty brick house??? flowers outside??? 3 floors--main floor, basement and upstairs??? 3 bedrooms n 3 bathrooms maybe??? master bedroom has its own bathroom!!! and open concept main floor. big kitchen and very homey n warm all around. as for like an apartment i want something cozy and aesthetically pleasing and warm

44. What's your religion/Your thought about religion i don't have a religion but if ppl do have a religion then thats not my business

45. Your personality type entj but only bc i got 3% extraverted; i am very closely related to intj tho n i think i fit that one better

46. The most dangerous thing you've done uhhhhhh probably operating a vehicle while high out of my mind. definitely the dumbest thing i ever did 0/10 would recommend anyone ever doing that

47. Are you happy with your current life? its ok but it could probably be better. i want to be done w college and skip to the part where i have a successful career and my own home and i can lay up w the loml every night

48. Some things you've tried in your life alcohol???weed??gummy edibles....

49. What does your wardrobe consist of? sweaters/sweatshirts/leggings

50. Favourite colour to wear? black, maroon, peach, purple, gray, idk

51. How would you describe your style? oh jeez idk i wear whatever i want so like e-girl when i really try and basic white girl when i don't care

52. Are you happy with your current looks? no i hate everything about myself lol

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be? more freckles on my face....also be thinner n have longer hair

54. Any tattoos or piercings? my nose and septum are pierced!

55. Do you get complimented often? kinda by my friends but i always yell at them to stop so they don't compliment like as much bc they know i hate it but they still do it sometimes idk

56. Favourite aesthetic? i wanna be an e-girl yo!!!!!!!!!

57. A popular trend that you dislike nobody has a crush on me and i hate it

58. Songs you're currently obsessed with? pied piper by BTS

59. Song you normally wouldn't admit you like. anything by BTS lol i used to like be embarrassed for how much i like k pop but now i don't really care lol #stanBTS2020

60. Favourite genre? rap/r n b/alternative

61. Favourite artist/band/genre? i listen to every genre except country sooooooo yeah i really like billie eilish, BTS, the weeknd, juicewrld, lil nas x, trippie red, post malone,

62. Hated popular songs/artists? i don't rlly like selena gomez or justin bieber or taylor swift

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5 only - RY X i.f.l.y. - Bazzi novacane - frank ocean jungle - drake bang! - trippie redd

64. Can you sing or play any instruments? no and no

65. Do you like karaoke? no but i like to sing along to songs when I'm alone

66. Own any albums? haha noooo i got apple music son

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations? errr RARELY i used to listen to r n b stations tho

68. Favourite movie/series? idk donnie darko?? i also just finished tharntype n that was really good. also i liked tokyo ghoul. AND GIVEN IS REALLY GOOD

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc i like horror/scary/paranormal/funny movies and i like love stories in books

70. Your fictional crush/es danny phantom, ken kaneki

71. Which fictional character is you? uhhhh idk...

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so frerard, ryden, taekook, mewgulf

73. Favourite greek god? idk they all kinda suck but maybe hades

74. A legend from where you live that you like i don't really know any:(

75. Do you like art? What's your favourite work or artist? i like to look at art! i think van gogh is cool

76. Can you share your other social media? ig: ciannnna venmo: ciannnna

77. Favourite youtubers? i don't really watch youtubers but maybe shane dawson and emma chamberlain

78. Favourite platform? twitter

79. How much time do you spend on the internet? too much time

80. What video games have you played? Which one's your favourite? i once played GTA5 that was fun!

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts) idk i don't really read anymore:/ i was into the hunger games and the twilight series when i was young. now i kinda read online manga and i really liked BJ Alex and killing stalking. and like for online books the unholyverse series, a splitting of the mind, the anatomy of a fall

82. Do you play board/card games? no but i like to play checkers and uno and cards against humanity

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema? nopee

84. Favourite holiday halloween is cool also christmas is alright bc gifts

85. Are you into dramas? i’ve been getting into thai boys love dramas lol sue me

86. Would you use death note, if you had one? um YES.

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to? everyone needs to be a little kinder and have a crush on me

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse? absolutely not I'm not physically fit and don't have useful skills

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be? vampire duh [or maybe ghost]

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death? i want to see my mom

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick? idk something cool ... i love the name Daisy

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week? idk probably kylie jenner

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo idk the alien? 94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true -im very productive with my time management skills -my favorite color is purple -i don't get nervous when I'm alone in public

95. Cold or hot? cold

96. Be a hero or be a villain? anti-hero

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme? sing if i’m good at it but if I'm not good then rhyme

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time? shapeshifting

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?immortal

100. ..... or .....? ......?

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wings-of-a-storm · 5 years

Text

LUCAS’ HELL NIGHT ANALYSIS: PART 2 OF 2

Well, with this piece, I have officially finished trying to give voice to all the frenzied thoughts in my head after watching that terrible Friday night unfold for Lucas.

I think the hardest part was revisiting the anguish on Lucas’ face. That is going to haunt us all for a while, no doubt...

Alright so we are up to Lucas running for the exit of Chloe’s house after finding Eliott with Lucille and being publicly outed... That poor guy.

OPEN GANG WARFARE

I only realised upon watching this scene that you actually see the ripple of Lucas coming through the crowd before you actually physically ‘see’ him. Like people were actually flying across the screen because Lucas was shoving partygoers out of the way to get to the doorway. He was like a hurricane, leaving a trail of destruction before and after him. From our limited angle, there are at least two victims: Unknown Partygoer No.1, and the Bouncer.

A minute of silence please for the victims of Lucas’ savagery. Particularly for Unknown Partygoer No.1 who was actually shoved aside the first time Lucas entered the house as well. :’)

Obviously I laugh otherwise I cry. It was actually heartbreaking seeing the lengths Lucas needed to go to to get out of there before he lost it completely.

I actually felt bad for Basile in this scene -- he was being really sweet and trying to grab hold of Lucas to, I dunno, support him? Calm him? Reassure him? He wasn’t to realise that that was the worst thing he could have done because Lucas needed space and distance from the heartbreak he had left behind in the house.

Things might have been ‘okay’ if Arthur’s patience hadn’t snapped; if he hadn’t escalated things further with that passive aggressive jab that was rather below the belt regardless of Lucas’ lies. Things could have been worse though -- there could have been actual punches instead of all the shoving and pulling. And the only casualty was Arthur’s glasses (which the petty part of me kind of revels in?). But still, getting into any physical altercation with your friends is extreme and just goes to show the pressure cooker Lucas’ life had become.

It is a shame the Gang had to reach this point, but they’ve all been kind of assholes to each other at one time or another. I think perhaps only Yann has been a good friend to everyone. Arthur, Lucas and Basile have all been hurtful at some point…

I wonder where Lucas and Arthur will go from here though; how they will make up in the school break if they aren’t forced to see each other in class. (Assuming David sticks to reality in his skipping of the hiatus?) This type of anger between them seems much closer to Marti and Elia than the og -- and it took the special powers of the love wizard Giovanni GaraU to piece their friendship and pride back together. Does Yann have the same touch? Time will tell...

ELIOTT KISSING LUCILLE

Lucas had already reached his breaking point when he engaged in a physical altercation with his friends. He had already lost control over his emotions and was incredibly vulnerable standing exposed in front of the yard. People were staring at him and Arthur was still screaming bloody murder from the doorway about wanting to slap the hell out of him. Of course it was at this moment when Lucas saw the man behind his heartache kissing the girl he said he had broken up with.

So much of Lucas seeing Eliott kissing Lucille was awful. Firstly, Eliott and Lucille could have just stayed inside the party, but them seeking out time alone outside is just so private and intimate.

Secondly, Eliott was the one initiating everything (something none of his counterparts did). He was the one cupping her face and smiling at her and going in for two kisses. Two!

And thirdly, yes, that smile of his as he was looking at her was meant to cut all of our hearts out. Eliott’s smile is like his strongest weapon even if he doesn’t realise it. He uses it as a shield and he uses it to express all the pure and lovely joy in his heart. When he walks into any room, that smile is the first thing you see. It’s nuclear -- even from far away, that smile absolutely knocks you out. And boy did it knock Lucas out.

I’m not sure I’d go as far as to say Eliott was giving Lucille the same smile Lucas gets. Eliott’s a very smiley person and even Lucas’ friends received that kind of smile when Eliott didn’t even known them. I feel like there is an extra level of giddiness to Eliott’s smile when he looks at Lucas. I wasn’t worried about him smiling at Lucille so much. Especially when I assume the context of it, which is...

Okay, so after Eliott was hurt by Lucas and feeling like he had to give him up so as not to be a burden to him, he would have been absolutely devastated. We saw his face in that corridor and that would have been him trying to hide most of it. I’m a little grateful we never saw the extent of Eliott’s private devastation...

But Eliott’s snap decision to cut Lucas out of his life, meant he was suddenly alone with this intense heartbreak, and probably feeling extra vulnerable because it related to that terrible force in his brain that he can’t control and that always messes his life up.

No matter how strained his and Lucille’s relationship had become in the end, she was still someone close to him who really knows who he is and has seen the worst of him. She is so safe. And since we have never seen Eliott with any friends at school, I imagine that Eliott is pretty isolated at the moment without her. It feels completely believable that he would seek Lucille out for that comfort and security. It would also make him feel better about his mental illness to know that there is someone in the world (excluding his parents who we have no information on aside from David’s headcanons), who sees that side of him and accepts it. He’s not alone with it.

Luckily for Eliott, Lucas made his comments about mental illness only a day or two after Eliott had broken up with Lucille. That meant there was a window of opportunity to try and repair things with her. It would have required a lot of effort on his behalf though, to be convincing enough for her to take him back even though he was secretly battling heartbreak over someone else. He might have even ironically used his mental illness as an excuse for their break up (actually, I am convinced he did because it will probably end up fuelling a certain comment from Lucille to Lucas about Eliott’s patterns).

What this means though is that Eliott has to stay convincing for Lucille: he has to be that happy boyfriend who wants to be with her, who just suffered a blip. If Lucille sees through him, he is in danger of being alone again. There is probably also an element of Eliott needing to convince himself that he will be happy with Lucille and can make their relationship work. The alternative of being alone after such a terrible year is just too painful.

So yeh, I’m not too surprised by all the smiles and kisses that Eliott was initiating with Lucille even though it hurts to see them. His instagram diary tells us the truth: that while he recognises the good parts of having Lucille as his girlfriend, it isn’t the same now.

(Side note: His ‘L and him’ caption breaks me! Like A) he is distancing himself from himself, and B) it’s like he is cherishing the letter L and finding comfort that he still has an L in his life. He can almost pretend it is the other L...)

LUCAS' FACE AFTER SEEING ELIOTT KISSING LUCILLE

Well, Lucas’s face after seeing Eliott smiling at Lucille, cupping her face, kissing her, doing things he can still remember Eliott doing with him not too long ago... That is a face that is going to haunt us for a long time. The level of fury in it, of betrayal... I’ve never seen anything like it in Skam. That expression not only cuts straight through your chest, it strangles your heart.

it was so powerful and clearly the exact moment Lucas reached the bottom of what he could endure. Like shit, place a copy of that face into a scientific journal under “Human breaking point.”

When I think about that look and all the intense emotions swirling behind it, It feels like the dark twin of the look Eliott gave Lucas when he was playing piano. When Eliott looked at Lucas in that moment, you were just hit with those eyes, and it felt impossible to even begin describing all the different emotions in them. Lucas’ devastating fury holds a very similar power with all the complex emotions behind it. I consider it a ‘twin’ because Lucas’ eyes also seemed fuelled by love, but love that had been desecrated and turned into a wound against him...

(That gruesome lip curl when he glanced back at Arthur still yelling at him though. Oh damn that was fierce.)

Oh gosh guys, it was just so hard seeing Eliott kiss Lucille during the worst time of Lucas’ life. It was stomach-churning in a ‘I think someone just punched me in the gut’ way. Like, Lucas used to go to this guy for comfort and now in his time of need, when his ex-beard is yelling out his sexuality to strangers, when his friends are yelling awful things at him for everyone to hear, he not only doesn’t have Eliott to go to, but Eliott is so engrossed in the person Lucas always felt second-rate to. Eliott doesn’t even look up at the noise, he is completely oblivious to Lucas’ distress. Could Eliott feel any further away?

I don’t even want to begin trying to imagine everything Lucas was feeling at that moment as he looked at Eliott and Lucille. It is just too devastating. It actually feels worse than what Eliott went through in the school corridor, because at least then Eliott had control over it. Eliott could walk away before ever having to see what Lucas’ face would look like if he learned of Eliott’s mental illness; before ever having to hear Lucas break up with him over it.

Eliott also had all the information over their break up while Lucas remains in the dark (hi Polaris). Lucas is the one who has to see the guy he is in love with for real kissing the person Lucas has always felt second-rate to. And after all those promises that they would be together because Eliott had chosen him...

And since Lucas does not have the information on their break up that Eliott has, all Lucas can see when he looks at them is: Eliott never loved me; Eliott played me; Eliott has been happy with Lucille while I have been so miserable I’ve barely had energy to get off the couch; Eliott lied to me; Eliott never needed space, he just used it as an excuse to get back with Lucille without guilt; of course Eliott doesn’t want to be with me, why would I be so stupid to believe that he did?

And then in the midst of all this gut-wretching pain and the slap of betrayal, Lucas glances back at his friends who he just fought with, who can’t understand what he is going through, who are still hurling really hurtful things at him from the doorway (well, Arthur is), and he is just over everybody.

It almost feels like he is standing in this awful triangle of snipers who have opened fire on the most raw parts of his life -- his sexuality, his family situation, and the man he loves humiliating him in front of everyone. It’s just way too much humiliation and exposure for one person to take. Of course he had to get as far away from everyone and that hellhole of a place as soon as possible.

What is extra fun is that the people behind Lucas seem to have pieced some of the puzzle together. They see his fighting with the Gang, they see the pained expression of his face as he looks ahead, and they all turn to see what he is looking at to cause such an unmistakably anguished face. They see Lucille and Eliott. Guess we’re going to have some fun rumours after all when each section of the party joins up what they have witnessed with Lucas at the epicentre…

LUCAS HURTING HIMSELF

We all had an inkling that the beginning of Lucas’ hell week would be the hardest version for the viewer to watch. I think overall, our assumption was proved correct and that is all because this is the first version where we have seen Lucas’ face in the peak of his anguish.

In comparison, Skam og and Italia gave their Isak/Martino some privacy with their pain. We only ever see Isak’s back as he falls to his knees and cries so loud you can hear it over the Kanye track. We only ever see the vague outline of Martino’s face in the darkness as he screams and cries into his hands (it was so dark, it was lucky we were even able to see the spit flying from his mouth as he screamed). You basically had to rely on all other senses to figure out the amount of pain that Isak/Martino were going through. I think that method is powerful in itself, don’t get me wrong. But in France, we see Lucas completely exposed to the anguish ripping his soul apart. And it is incredibly confronting.

At first when Lucas left the party and the camera was following him down the dark, empty path, it felt like og: Lucas had privacy with his rage and pain. But then everything got loud; all the senses were like doubled. The sound of him smashing his fist against the bars of the fence was so loud and violent. We had that kind of noise in Italia too but that was from the piece of wood Martino was wielding, not his actual hand. So not only do you have the deep echo of metal being hit by a fist, you vicariously feel the pain that that must be inflicting on Lucas’ hand.

And then after Lucas realises he has injured himself and his legs lose power and he slumps down to the floor, the street light completely exposes the expression on his face. His anguish is completely exposed -- and it is anguish that is actually distorting his face. He almost isn’t recognisable. I mean, it is hard to watch anyone suffering that level of pain, but it’s even more hard-hitting with Lucas because his expressions are normally so controlled and neutral.

Two things absolutely wreck me next in this scene. The first is the way he cradles his bleeding hand. When you’ve hurt yourself, of course your natural instinct is to hold the damaged area as if you can somehow contain the pain to that one spot. But since his hurt hand feels more like a physical representation of his emotional hurt, it feels like he is trying to cradle himself. I HATE IT, MAKE IT STOP, GUYS!

The second thing that wrecks me is how after he slumps to the ground and leans his head back -- which also crashes against the metal bars with a deep booming echo -- he mouths something as if to say ‘ow’, like he is just hurting all over, no matter what he does.

And through all of it, he is crying without any sound because the emotion is coming from such a deep place in him. Until you see the numbness take over…

I’ll say it again: it is highly confronting. I can’t even bring myself to take screencaps of it.

I mean, that’s probably why og and Italia took a step back -- because that level of pain is so private and awful, it’s almost wrong for us to witness it. But, well, France plays dirty.

LUCAS HAS NO BEDROOM

Did I just say France plays dirty? Because they are about to double that claim by reminding us all of their trump card: that Lucas has no place to cry privately. His bed is literally in a communal living area while Manon goes through her own grieving in his bedroom.

When a person is as wounded by life as Lucas is right now, it is so essential to have a safe space all to yourself to be able to grieve in. Particularly for someone as reserved as Lucas, who won’t let anyone see any hint of his pain at all (except for this Friday night when his depression was so extreme, he had no energy to move in front of his friends and he couldn’t hide it anymore). How the hell is this poor kid supposed to grieve in a communal living room?!

And that also raises another question: how long did Lucas stay slumped on the cold concrete path on Friday night? If that was the best privacy he had, it was probably a long time. So yeh, thanks for that, France! Like this whole clip didn’t hurt enough…

A TINY BIT OF HOPE TO END ON…

What is unfortunately so hard with Lucas is how reserved he is with his emotions. He is such an island and that makes it hard for others to be able to help him. When Mika reached out to him on Thursday, he got a defensive eye roll. When Yann tried to reach out to him on Friday, he got grumpiness and a hurtful ‘It has nothing to do with you.’ It’s really hard to see Lucas push people away like that and just suffer so many things alone.

This week is going to be such an important turning point for him though. He will finally make that step to trust in others and share the pain that has been slowly drowning him. He has no other choice because he cannot mentally survive like that any longer. And when Lucas starts to open himself up more to his friends and roomates and starts to value that process, it is going to put him in such a healthy place to be able to be that support for Eliott when Eliott’s secrets are exposed and he becomes highly vulnerable.

Lucas’ journey is really tough right now but he is going reconnect with people and with life and be the best person he can be once he starts to accept help. It’s going to be such a rewarding journey to go through with him. <3

#Skam France #skamfr thoughts #3x05 thoughts #heartbreak 2 of 2 #elu #well yep that definitely almost broke me #skamfr goes for the jugular #so much changes when you #actually have to witness the #anguish on someone else's face #axel I am just floored

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writsgrimmyblog · 5 years

Text

Rec List #1 Theme: 2018 Favourites

One of my fandom resolutions is to rec more in 2019. I’m going to post rec lists for some of my favourite Nick fics divided up by theme/content/ship or whatever I fancy throughout the year. It seems fitting that my first rec post of 2019 should be my favourite Nick Fics of 2018. If you’re interested in my Harry Potter themed recs, you can find them over on my other blog @writcraft under the tag #writ recs where I’m undertaking the same initiative.

This is by no means an exhaustive list - I’m limiting myself to ten recs per list and it is very difficult, I could have recced many more. I’ve read and enjoyed a whole raft of terrific stories and this rec list is simply based on my personal tastes which may not be everybody else’s cuppa. Please heed the content warnings the author has flagged on AO3 in each case, none of my recs include the content tags.

#1. Ten Track Sophomore Album by @junkshop-disco

Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles | 4,228

Nick has always lived in noise, been the cause of a lot of it, but one day a boy writes him into a pop song and the whole world dissolves into static.

It doesn’t happen like that, not that easy, not that linear, but that’s the heart of it, the soul, if these things have such a thing.

My Rec: The Nick fic of 2018 is undoubtedly the final installment of junkshop-disco’s incredible Doodle of a Surface Life but that has quite rightly garnered so many recs by now if any Gryles reader hasn’t yet indulged, run, quick, what are you waiting for? I love DOASL with all of my heart, but I’m also a sucker for angst and I wanted to highlight this equally terrific fic in my rec list. The structure of this story, in which Nick loses his ability to hear music, is so cleverly done. It’s a very skilled writer that can create an entire fic around sound and make it come alive, and junkshop-disco manages it brilliantly. The fic reads like music, even as it describes the absence of it and it’s a stunning piece of writing. If you like your Gryles contemplative and angsty with confident, lyrical prose, this is the one for you. Junkshop-disco has such a terrific way with words I highly recommend reading all the works by this author. Every single one. But when you do make sure you take a moment to stop by this beautiful story and leave it all the love it deserves.

#2. Tell Me It’s The Strongest Shape by @louandhazaf

Nick Grimshaw/Elgar Johnson/Louis Tomlinson | 73,224

Nick and Elgar have it all. They’re famous, successful, and engaged to be married—and sometimes they play with others.

When uni student Louis gets street cast by Elgar for a GQ photoshoot, he's drawn into Nick and Elgar’s complicated relationship.

They've always invited mates into their bed. It doesn’t ever mean anything. Until… it does.

My Rec: This is such a great exploration of polyamory and the complexities of open relationships, and the author took a great deal of time developing the relationships between the characters and really working on highlighting some of those difficulties. I tend to gravitate towards fanfic where I care deeply about the characters, and although Elgar seems terrific I don’t have the same fannish relationship to him as I do to Nick and Louis so I was curious to know how I would respond to this fic. Basically, the author killed it. I felt such a deep investment in Elgar, Nick and Louis throughout and everything just flew by as I was reading. It’s also really fucking hot. Like, REALLY. Brilliantly done. I loved it.

#3. Let The Boys All Sing And The Boys All Shout For Tomorrow by @lunarrua

Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles | 18,429

It's February 1988. Thatcher is in power. There's a new drug sweeping through the clubbing scene. In Manchester, it's the eve of a major protest and a new musical movement. And when Nick finds Harry looking lost outside his favourite chip shop, it's the start of a weekend that will leave an indelible mark on both their lives.

My Rec: I saw the summary for this fic and actually yelled at my screen when it popped into my inbox. Gryles, set in Manchester in the 80s? Hell yes. The fic itself certainly didn’t disappoint, it’s absolutely beautiful. The author writes a well-researched, confident piece and the result is stunning. The atmosphere of the whole story is captivating and you can feel yourself transported to the heady days before the Manchester music scene shifted, the anxieties of the AIDS crisis and the fragility of the relationships formed during that period. The Harry of this fic has a transient quality which evokes the nostalgic reflection on a different time in our not so distant past. A real triumph. I loved this story with my whole heart.

#4. Séjour by @silveredsound

Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson | 6,288

It is so quiet, which should be conducive to concentration, but Nick is bored and listless and lonely. He’s been there for two days and wants to know where the helpful lady is who’ll deliver him a gamine but takes-no-shit housekeeper who he can fall in love with without words. Words are not his friend.

“Where is my Love Actually moment?” he asks the ceramic kitchen sink as he pokes holes in the cover of one of the M&S ready meals he brought over with him.

«≠»

Nick’s got writer's block. Louis is a master of distraction.

My Rec: I’ve loved a number of stories by Silv this year and I was swinging back and forth between this and others, but there’s something about this little fic that has wormed its way into my heart and has taken hold so this is the one I’m choosing. As I said in my earlier reblog rec, this has such lush, evocative prose it perfectly captures the sense of a fleeting summer. There’s a seductive quietness to it, and a lovely unfolding of the story through snippets of tasting notes left by Louis on bottles of wine and Nick feeling a little bit lost and searching for words as he struggles with writer’s block. Two boys find one another in the warmth of a sleepy French town and it’s beautiful. Really wonderfully done.

#5. Fists & Flowers ‘Verse by @jiksax

Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles | 1,613 (Make It Worse) and 2,322 (I’ll Do What You Like (If You Stay The Night)

He’s looking at Nick with that soft, terrible look in his eyes, the look that tells Nick the two of them are probably something.

My Rec: If anyone other than Jiksa had told me they were planning an angsty fisting fic series I would have been like umm really? But of course, it’s Jiksa, so naturally I found myself sobbing at the raw, devastating intensity of the story. Jiksa deftly weaves the intensity of the physical act itself into the emotional tumult of Harry and Nick’s relationship in a way that’s incredibly beautiful. A bold, brave, superb piece of hot, confident writing, rich with emotional complexity. Gorgeous.

#6. Constantly on the Cusp by @shiftylinguini

Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson | 6169

It’s 5 in the morning, and Nick’s got an alarm going off, an unexpected bed full of pop star, and a nation to wake up.

It’s far too fucking early for this.

My Rec: UNFFFFF. I love Shifty’s writing. Like, an obsessive amount. I was so thrilled when Shifty started writing Tomlinshaw I didn’t know quite what to do with myself. It’s actually hard to believe this was Shifty’s first Tomlinshaw, because everything about the fic felt like they have been writing them for years. Louis is sleepy, horny and pissed off, Nick is awake, horny and wondering what it all means, and together they have this scorching hot, sexy moment. Nick’s internal monologue gives us so much insight into their relationship and the fic offers a lovely, warm, hopeful moment at the end. Fantastically written and a sexy delight from start to finish. Loved it!

#7. this cookie’s baking by @disgruntledkittenface

Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles (Genderswap Femslash) | 8,148

Harry’s eyes flicker between Nick’s eyes and lips. “I just want to be your–”

“Baby,” Nick says softly, cupping Harry’s jaw, “you already are.”

Nick and Harry have a long-overdue conversation.

My Rec: This was the first genderswap Gryles fic I have read and I absolutely loved it. The relationship between Nick and Harry feels so perfectly them and there’s a lovely warmth to the whole story. It’s light and funny but also contains moments of real emotional depth and those first time explorations and the hesitancy of admitting to being something more than friends is handled in such a terrific way. It’s a gorgeous story with wonderful writing and I loved every minute of reading it.

#8. let’s make some new rules by @camiii

Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson | 12,743

A coffee shop, a Christmas party & a fake date to make sure no one gets laid at the end of the night.

My Rec: This was such an enjoyable read. I love camiii’s Tomlinshaw, and seeing this pop up was a wonderful surprise. Barista Louis agrees to be Nick’s fake boyfriend as he pines over an ex that definitely isn’t worth his time, and they become closer in the process. The pace of the story is wonderful, the flirting is brilliant and despite some misunderstandings and Nick’s no good ex trying to fuck things up, the ending is warm and hopeful. A lovely story, full of festive cheer. Thoroughly enjoyable.

#9. I’ll be seeing you by @daretomarvel / renlyne

Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles | 11,481

It’s 2028, and Nick’s bought a house.

My Rec: I love Ren’s writing and this Notebook inspired Gryles is a beautiful treat of a story, in which Nick starts buying little bits for his dream house. It’s hard to believe this story is just over 11,000 words because the world the author creates is so rich, detailed, layered and complex. The relationship between Nick and Harry has all of these gorgeous details and nuggets of history as it grows and develops, seedling-like, into something that might just be everything they’ve both been searching for. It’s a warm, hopeful, beautiful story but as it’s Ren, it manages to still tug at the heartstrings in the best kind of way. I read this again as I was putting my rec list together and did so with a lump in my throat, full of feels for the Nick and Harry of Ren’s universe. Gorgeous writing with bags of emotional intensity. I loved it.

#10. All I’ve ever had are love songs by @candybarrnerd / icarusinflight

Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson | 21,688

Things are finally coming together for Nick.

Nick is the DJ of his uni's radio stations, and he passively aggressively dedicates a song to Louis.

My Rec: Icarusinflight is another author who was already on my periphery from Harry Potter fandom who wrote their first Tomlinshaw fic this year and I was so thrilled to see them writing in this fandom and I’m very excited about their upcoming 2019 projects which also includes fics featuring the 1D boys in various ship combos. I love uni AUs and I hadn't read one for a while, so this was such a treat. I loved how Louis is sharp, sassy and confident but with niggling insecurities. Harry was so affectionately humorous in this story and Nick’s voice is wonderful. This is a really well-paced, enjoyable story with a hot af first kiss that deserves a mention all of its own. The music references, the tea and the cameos from various 1D members are all terrific and the writing is brilliant. Can’t wait for more from this author this year.

Bonus Rec: I was meant to limit this to just 10 recs but I also wanted to give a quick shout out to @nightwideopen. I’ve said this in previous rec lists before, but I am constantly impressed by the quality of @nightwideopen‘s writing and the way they explore things such as asexuality and gender dysphoria which can be harder to find in a relatively small fandom. I’d particularly rec so far (it’s alright) and i’ve been thinking lots about your mouth from this year, both Tomlinshaw.

#recs #writ recs #gryles #tomlinshaw #rec list 1

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meggannn · 6 years

Note

(based on your previous ask) do you mind if I ask how you feel about lok? is there a general consensus if it's good or bad? youre really insightful and just wanted to know if there were any major issues you had with it

yeah sure, i’ll do my best. if you want a quick answer to your question, here is a link to some of my other korra posts where i say pretty much the same thing as i do here, just in fewer words. cause this post will be mostly an unhappy summary of my experience watching the show. this post will contain spoilers, and disclaimer, i am a really biased, disappointed asshole, so i’ll just admit that now.

short answer: i liked the concept of lok more than the product we got. a lot of that is because you had a physically buff brown wlw protagonist written mostly by cishet white men and, as you can imagine, it wasn’t handled great. when i think of lok now i tend to fluctuate between bittersweet nostalgia and quiet, simmering rage.

if you don’t care about the show summary, skip at the middle paragraph break down to my tldr.

so for those who don’t know, LOK was really my first “big” fandom on tumblr. when it was announced, a bunch of ATLA purists were already hating on it because 1) brown woman, 2) it was unrealistic to go from ATLA’s technology to streampunk in 70 years, and 3) it wasn’t ATLA, basically. it was my first big interest that i got to participate in as it was airing, and i was really excited about it. i defended it, i wrote meta, i liveblogged, i wrote tons of fic and spammed theories/wants before the damn show even had a release date. all that is to say, i was Invested, and i believed in it before i even saw it. people called me a bnf, i’m not sure if that’s true, but i did gain a lot my followers in my first few years on tumblr by posting korra stuff. a lot of them – hello – i think are still around today (i’m not certain how all the video games hasn’t scared them off yet)

i should say at this point that my opinion of LOK the show has been really wrapped up in the ugly stain left by the fanbase. korra the character has been the subject of tons of racist, misogynistic criticism since the moment we saw her back; when she showed up on screen as a proud young woman who fought with authority and stood up for herself, that was the nail in the coffin for her reputation. i agreed that she had a bit of growing up to do, because ATLA/LOK have always been stories about coming of age and maturing, but i disagreed strongly with this notion that she deserved to be “humbled,” which is what a lot of fans were looking for.

the overall consensus on if it’s “good” depends on who you ask. most people agree that ATLA is better overall: it was better plotted because it benefited from more writers in the room and more episodes to flesh out the world. opinions on LOK specifically range based a lot on their opinions of the K/orra/sami pairing, if they were involved in or what side they were on in any of the fandom wank, and also just complete random chance.

i’ll go more in depth into my ‘history’ with the show below, but i just wanted to mention that all the while the show was airing, korra was being hit with waves of criticism by so-called fans for basically being a confident brown woman who were calling for her to learn her place, respect her elders, etc. another common theme was fandom’s brilliant fucking idea that asami, a light-skinned feminine non-bending woman who was more polite and reserved than korra, would’ve made a better avatar. because you know why. (korra was often described as brutal, rough, unsophisticated, next to pretty, perfect asami. and asami is a fine character, to be clear, but that’s what she was – fine. nothing really stands out about her, which is a fault of the writing, because she had a lot of potential too.) so anyway all of this did sour my mood toward engaging with other fans outside my friend circle.

–

it was around maybe the middle of book 1 that i realized the writing for the show was simpler than what i was expecting – not that it was childish, which it was (because it was written for children, i understood that), but i felt like the plot meandered and the twists came out of nowhere. it felt like they were making it up as they were going, and it opened threads it didn’t answer. one of the biggest threads was the equalist revolution, which was a very sensitive topic that got jettisoned when the leader was revealed to be a fraud, and that devalued the entire movement in an instant. really disappointing, because i was looking forward to seeing that addressed. for a lot of people, this was a dealbreaker, and they started walking. i stuck with it, but loosely.

book 2 aired, focusing on the spiritual world and some really cool history. it still suffered a lot from awkward b-plots and loose threads it didn’t know how to tackle. korra lost her memory and then regained it 2 episodes later with no consequences, mako flip-flopped between korra and asami because bryke don’t know how to write teenage romances without making it a love triangle, and at some point bolin kissed a girl against her will and they didnt acknowledge that at all? i honestly don’t remember. anyway at the end of book 2, even though korra saves the day and prevents the world from descending into darkness for ten thousand years, due to events beyond her control, korra loses the spiritual connection that ties her to all of the previous avatars – aang, roku, kyoshi, wan, everyone. and people hit the fucking ceiling. “korra’s not a real avatar if she lost her connection to the old ones! that’s the entire point of the cycle! this show is bullshit, it’s not canon anymore!” (the entire point that finale demonstrated that korra’s power alone was enough to save the world and she didn’t need anyone else. but people found that ~unrealistic~ i guess). as you can imagine, being a fan of LOK is starting to get a little tiring by now.

books 3-4 is where the korra haters got to love the show again, because they were both straight-up torture porn. after everything she did saving the world, this is the arc where korra got beat down, tortured, dragged into the dirt, swallowed and spat back out. book 3 is a lot of people’s favorites because it was the first book that felt fully plotted out before it was put on air, which is why i enjoyed it too. but for me it was difficult to see a girl, whose identity revolved around being the avatar after being raised and sheltered to think it was all she was good for, effectively abandon her life and even her name by the beginning of book 4 because the events of book 3 were that traumatizing for her. somehow this was character development. we were encouraged to stick with it because we hoped korra would find herself again. and she did, sorta.

but it makes me furious that people who had quit in books 1-2 came back during 3 because they heard these books were better – aka book 3, the book that featured korra the least, and books 3-4 in which korra got her ass handed to her in some of the hardest fights vs some of the cruelest villains of the series. (nevermind that the book 3 villains suffer from the anime villain curse: they quickly went from “cool character design” to “wait, how does this rando group of villains show up with powers literally no one in the universe has ever heard before?” – questions no one ever answers)

anyway book 4 is a mish-mash of… i’m not sure. i’ve rewatched all the books but i don’t know if i’ll ever touch this one again. the culturally appropriating airbender wannabe, zaheer (a complete rando who somehow masters airbending enough to fly, which was a huge middle finger to airbending masters aang and tenzin for no reason) a guy who literally tortured korra one season before and put her in a wheelchair, is the one who the writers send korra to for her spiritual awakening that lets her save the day. not tenzin or jinora, her spiritual teachers with whom she has positive, healthy relationships – they send her back to her abuser who terrifies and degrades her a bit more before deciding to help. this was a pattern: the writers made both korra and asami face their abusers (in asami’s case, her father) for catharsis instead of gaining peace over their trauma another, healthier way because…. i’m not sure why. there is no reason why. and then there’s the guilt tripping nonsense of asami feeling as if she had to forgive her father, who tried to kill her, because he said he was sorry and sacrificed himself for her in the finale. it’s angst galore, if you like that kind of thing, which i normally do, except this is less angst and more just the writers trying to hammer in torture porn, grimdark, and poor attempts at morally gray nonsense into their finale season.

anyway at the end of her journey, korra, our buff brown woc, learns that she had to suffer to learn how to be compassionate and relate to her enemy. i’m not exaggerating, she literally says that. which is lovely.

–

tldr: i wasted a lot of emotional time and energy into this show and was extremely disappointed when some of the ending’s notes were “you had to suffer to become a better person” and “forgive your abusers/villains because aren’t we all the same in the end?”

but also on a strictly narrative level, LOK also bit off way more than it could chew both emotionally and thematically. it had an amazing premise, but it was not committed to

utilizing the steampunk genre to its best potential in the bending world (after the creativity in the rest of the worldbuilding, the LOK series finale was literally fighting a giant robot – seriously?)

giving its hero the respect and character arc she deserved. and i don’t say that because i think korra had no growing up to do in b1, she did, but she didn’t deserve for it to happen like that.

so basically i realized that a lot of the writers that made ATLA great weren’t brought back for LOK, and it showed. i realized that the LOK writers, when they listened to fans, were listening to the fans that whined the loudest, or (more likely, since they plan seasons years before we see them) they thought from the beginning that it was a good idea for korra to go through years’ worth of pain just to be spat out a humbler, “better” person

the reason i told you all that about me defending LOK in the beginning is because i need you to understand that i believed in LOK longer than i probably should’ve. i wanted it to be everything i was expecting in a diverse children’s show with an unorthodox female protaganist. but just because they had a brown wlw heroine doesn’t mean that they deserved to be praised for it when they treated her like garbage.

and korra and asami walk into a beam of light together in the last second of the show and i’m supposed to applaud the writers for their bravery or something

#megan talks about korra #Anonymous #askbox #this is a very condensed summary because otherwise i'd be here all day talking about the pro-asami anti-korra fandom wank

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smoothconcreteandperkysunsh-blog · 5 years

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Eugh.

Why do we feel the need to do updates when we haven't been on an app for damn near a year? Anyway-

Doing better health-wise. Lungs aren't falling apart so much anymore, I'm coughing up much less gunk and I can breathe better again. I'm going to take this opportunity to try and not be so doom minded anymore. I figure as corny and cliché as it is to be so happy in the face of a much shorter life expectancy, I may as well try to make something of it for others before I die.

I think that's what most people fear when they really think and realize it too. It could be dying alone, or in front of their lover, or without ever getting to say their proper goodbyes to their lover. However all of that is rooted so deeply in the memories that those two have created with each other.

Getting tangential, I'll bring it back around. I've just got some things I need to write out of my head.

I lost the girl of my childhood's adoration recently to very selfish and self-centered desires and idealogies on her behalf. I decided to let her take reigns if her own decisions and she decided I didn't to be a part of her life to be fulfilled or happy as a person. I felt entirely abandoned and dropped off yet; From the very first moment we met on the swingset at Knox Elementary School in Chandler, Arizona I knew I wanted to be with her and make a life with her and maybe even a kid or two after we got the fuck out of the desert we were in and maybe even get our own house with a bunch of animals and a pool and all the cheesy shit that makes a lump form in your throat and cry when you say it out loud, fuck me dude.

I really thought through all of the California shit we could finally grow old and grey together and for the past 3 years we fucking were dude. We ran through the the streets at night together, ran our fingers through each others hair, held each other and felt each other in such sensual, non-sexual ways, we learned each others minds and bodies, we learned each others inner thoughts about the world around us. We went out to the desert where the surface streets ended and just stared up at the night sky in each others presence. We literally owned the night and no one had more fun with each other than we did, fight me over it. We laughed and cried together, watched our friends leave us and find others together, watched fires and floods together, been on top of and beside each other, rolled on the floor like we were ferrets together. Made love and didnt just fuck each other, unless we both knew we wanted it. And when we did, we knew the difference between the physical and mental meshing and bonding of a body and spirit, and pure primal and corporeal pleasure. We knew each others flaws and utmost weaknesses and we never went at them just to feel dominant to the other. We just, lived and loved together.

But now that's all gone. Has been for almost two months now.

Now I don't know if I should take the chance on my love life anymore. Not so much out of cowardice and the fear of being hurt. Neither of those feelings exist within what I recognize to be the core of my being anymore. She took those with her when she left. In many ways you could say she's made me more immune to feeling things than I ever was before we got together.

Which in itself is an oxymoron but like... What else is there to say to describe when you were born into this world with an innate sense of ambivalence towards others and literally only two people have ever stuck out among the hundreds you've come into pass with? With outstanding exception none the less.

I can say shamelessly that I've been with someone just for the sexual gratification of feeling desired by another but only because it was with just that one. And God damn did I learn my lesson with being with someone without feeling for them. Her name was Ariela and I was literally a God to her. She was submissive to a fault. Not to mention very co-dependant on penis being in her to have any sense of self value or worth. I did everything in my power at the time to help her mentally and help her become better as a person morally and value-wise. She didn't want it. She wanted to be the center of pity and negative attention at every chance so she could feel justified in snapping back at the slightest resistance to anything she held valuable. She drained me of too many necessary emotions that I needed to have about me to function as a young man and it absolutely had a hand in pulling me away from my friends in California.

And yet as sad and regressive as it is. I don't know if I can properly explain it, but I do still have love to spare within me for another. Im more than willing to create memories with this outstanding individual. She probably knows it but is significantly more than likely no longer interested in a future with me if ever at all to begin with. And I know this. And I don't have any say in changing that because if I'm being honest with myself she's literally the closest thing to a perfect human being in terms of intelligence, awareness and compassion for other outstanding humans that I have ever been graced with a "Hey" by; And I'm literally just a plain-faced caveman in comparison. And like, that's life. I fucked up on my end more than enough times than she should ever have to put up with from a friend.

All of that said, we never communicated properly what was in our heads about how we felt specifically about each other. We both were afraid of certain aspects of changing a friendship and out of that fear we- well, I cant speak for her but I- know that I decided to be passive and on the sidelines when I should've been more, well less of a bitchy and emotionally needy teenager about everything. Not so much making any moves in terms of making myself stand out amongst a literal crowd of others that were vying for her genuine attention. But out of all that I learned that I needed to be more of a man amidst the boys I was also around.

The adults in my life have always pointed out that I'm more mature than others in my generation, yet when it came time to BE the more mature amongst the others in my generation I failed. Failed hard. Failed so hard I doubled down on the bitchy and emotional-ness and more or less let those particular people in California try to live their lives like I'd never been in them, just as they were before I moved to California.

And I think it was then and there that I realized it. The being remembered thing.

I've had friends, and friends of friends, and "best" friends all come on to me, sexually. As in the dance with no pants variety of coming on to me. And I shut them down, dead in their fat assed, busty tracks. Because for one, I didnt want the sex. I wanted the connection, affection and attention. And two, the feelings for my childhood love and at-the-time crush (God I hate and love that word, it really truly does only work for highschool sweethearts doesn't it?). And all of those particular people were able to pass me up and drop me after the sex was denied. They didn't want to remember me, they wanted to remember the novelty of the orgasms and fleshly pleasure I gave them in the taboo of the social circles we were in. One in particular I knew just wanted to fuck me to piss off another, and that stuck out in my mind.

My point being! Those people haven't talked to me since I moved and those people didnt talk to me when I was there. They lacked a fear of not being remembered that I think the two mentioned far above did. I know that for a fact about Desiree. But I could be entirely wrong about the California girl in every which way, but ya know what dude? When you sit and watch sunsets with a guy every day for almost 3 weeks in a row and most of that time is spent talking about each others day, what's going on in our lives and awkward arm-over-the-shoulder cuddling; Spend a large number of nights watching anime and poking each other, spending many an overnights conversation with each other in person and over the phone. It's kind of bass ackwards to say there wasn't a flicker of something going on there.

And for me, those two are always going to be quite literally burned into my memory above others. Not all of them, more like aside from them. Congruent if you will. Because we made unintentionally or otherwise, very potent memories. On my end they did at least. See that there? That's what the purest and most potent form of fear inside an eternally broken man's heart looks like on paper. Well, screen.

Uncertainty.

Indiscernability of the soul.

Not really knowing. Anymore or to begin with.

These things literally kill us every day. Inside and out. Not risking the pain, not seeking the truth. Being afraid of losing and tarnishing a connection with someone you say you can love shouldn't be allowed-

Is what I would've said had I never gotten to feel what I knew was true love with the love of my life. If I hadn't been given a genuine shot with an outstanding and beautiful in every aspect individual. If I hadn't been given the chance to fuck up, I wouldn't have been given the chance to feel. This is equivalent exchange at its finest and if I could tell you both face to face, our time with and around each other was not a faustian bargain. Because even if I didn't get the future I envisioned with one of you, and another any future at all. I still got memories that will never not be a part of me and if I can offer you two anything,

You wont be forgotten. You will be remembered. So no longer live your lives with the fear of not being. It's an enormous weight off of your conscience.

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jane-wei · 5 years

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3am bordem

1 Favorite place to be?

A quiet cinema with a massive screen

2 Something I can never live without?

Water

3 Hobbies that I’ll never give up?

baking

4 Three words to describe me?

Proffestional, day dreamer, loyal

5 My biggest fear?

ebaressment

6 What makes me angry?

ignorance towards others

7 My inspiration?

creativity and passion of others

8 Favorite wild animal? Why?

any big cats, because they literally are just big cats

9 Favorite food?

pizza, always

10 First memory of life?

probably playing with lego and having my dad make me spaceships out of lego

11 The best advice I got?

write every day

12 Where do I see myself in 10 years?

hopfully own my own flat or house, maybe running my own production company, maybe acting in some plays

13 Books reading these days?

im not a big reader, but when i read i read loads, i must read DUNE soon

14 The fictional character I want to be?

Luke Skywalker

15 My hidden talents?

quiet farts

16 Favorite type of music?

electronic or classical, if its both at the same time its magic

17 When do I feel happy?

when things are going right for collegues or loved ones

18 Which song would I like to hear to be happy?

duran duran ordinary world

19 My favourite word in English?

surety

20 My favorite word in Spanish?

da nada, that count as two?

21 Top 3 things on my bucket list?

visit hobbiton, sky diving, meet mark hamill

22 The most heard song in 2017?

redbone by childish gambino

23 Last book you’ve read?

probably a comic book or an excerpt from a book on how to direct actors

24 Favorite quote?

All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, A light from the shadows shall spring; Renewed shall be blade that was broken, The crownless again shall be king.

J.R.R. Tolkien

25 If I had a superpower what would it be?

Creating objects, although that has a lot of responsibility, but it would end world hunger

26 Favorite sport?

rugby, its the only one id watch begining to end, but to play definatly badmington, brutal game

27 Biggest Dream?

be a jedi

28 Favorite Singer?

the chap who won x factor uk last year, Dalton Harris, that guy can create magic

29 Favourite Cusine?

italian

30 A positive quality about me?

I want to know what you have to say, i might get nervous at the answer or speaking other people in general but im interested

31 A negative quality about me?

push down my self confidence

32 Best place I’ve visited?

brecon beacons in wales

33 When do I laugh the most?

when something is funny, but also breaking through social conventions in a dark kinda way, nothing insulting just a little dark here and there

34 When do I get creative?

when travelling, trains and buses are great, but only when i can see a wide vista, so trains goign through the countryside are ideal, or in a creative soace with othe rlike minded creatives. enough of creativity for now eh?

35 Favorite lyrics?

nothing overlly specific, but i like Plan B’s stuff, Radiohead always do somethign interesting, A Tribe Called Quest are geniuses with words

36 The most scary thing I’ve done?

confront people, its tough, especially when you know something has to be resolved by words and talking

37 Biggest accomplished achievement?

going to film school, something i thought was impossible for a working class lad like me

38 What am I horrible at?

not keeping healthy

39 Favorite book genres?

sci fi and fantasy for sure

40 Any adventurous thing I want to do?

travel

41 Something I would like to try?

sports, i feel that if i was encouraged at school in sports id be a real jockey

42 Optimistic or pessimistic?

depends on the day, optimistic is the goal, that way your always looking up

43 Favorite TV show host?

Mel and Sue, old school bake off

44 A talent I want to acquire?

playing the violin and anoy other musical instrument i can egt my hands on

45 Something from my childhood that I still have?

1 teddy bear and 1 fluffy teddy style cat, those are going to be family heirlooms

46 If I had a chance to change something what would it be?

death of family members, but you cant dwell on such things, itll drive you mad

47 What would I do to calm myself?

music and cleaning

48 When do you find yourself singing?

while out walking or home alone

49 What do I consider unforgivable?

any attack on others, physical, psycological, verbal, insinuated

50 Have I ever sleepwalked?

as a kid yes but not since, if i did id definatly wear some kind of body camera and find out where id go

51 If I got a chance to go somewhere, where will it be?

everywhere, every continant at least 5 times

52 What is my dream career?

feature film writer/director

53 An impossible wish?

a real lightsaber

54 Who is my greatest role model?

i like elders who are accepting of others and those who take great joy in heling others

55 If I could live in any home on a television series, what would it be?

does the U.S.S ENTERPRISE count?

56 Favorite song currently?

Tiny Dancer by Elton John

57 Advice to people?

try to be understanding of others, dont put yourself or your skills down, make every day count, give yourself some credit for what youve done so far, make sure you get a little tlc every now and again

58 How do you handle jetlag?

sleep

59 Describe your style?

nerd

60 Favorite makeup product?

i dont use any, but i do get asked if i use mascara, all natural

61 What’s a guilty pleasure you have?

early naughties action movies, Van Heling with Hugh Jackman the main culprit

62 Favorite Star Wars Character?

The crew of the Ghost, you could never pick one over the other

63 Any pet peeve?

laughs with high pitches

64 If you could die your hair, what color would it be?

red

65 What’s your schedule these days?

in need of a job so a lot of job hunting, school is 2 days a week(ish) got a few writing jobs so putting pen to paper, need to start learnig lines for a play in the summer

66 Have you ever cut your own hair?

only the fringe and i didnt think it was that bad but when i got into school EVERYONE laughed #embaressmentismykryptonite

67 Who’s your style icon?

my friend zach, simple gorgeous colors

68 Do you consider yourself a good liar?

if the lie is a simple one

69 Favorite movies as a child?

star wars, star trek, lord of the rings, predator which i watched way before i was supposed to, i was also in the spy kids generation

70 Last show you’ve binge watched?

star wars rebels and the eric andre show

71 First toy you’ve had?

probably my teddies, but i do remember having star wars actions figures and lego very early on

72 What can you see from your window?

a main road which many buses travel down, a bus stop, a residential row of houses leading to a park, a betting shop

73 What’s for dinner today?

my other half makes great tempe and gyoza

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