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#and definitely don’t go about it well
aelwynabernantsorb · 5 months
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Aelwyn Abernant coded not in the way that I was abused my whole childhood and pushed into sibling competition, but in the way that I’m a mentally ill older sister with a temperamental younger sister who’s large emotions are often discarded by my parents, and I don’t have the strength to stand up to them because I hate conflict; and this causes my sister to hate me a little bit because she’s always compared against my cowardly and upset silence, as if the fact I cannot stand up for myself or anyone is a good thing because it involves no arguments or talking back.
And also I often have the urge to get blackout drunk and make out with everyone in the general vicinity.
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puppyeared · 6 months
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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Very interesting (concerning) that while there’s a general consensus of “of course there’s queer Muslims and Jews and Christians we love them!” But that love is conditional. You can be religious but not too religious. You can be spiritual as long as it’s not actually that important to you. You can be observant of your religion’s dogma and traditions as long as you keep it away from everybody else.
But I don’t want to cut myself into smaller pieces. I don’t want to take a part of my life and culture and being and hide it away behind closed doors. It’s just…hypocritical and disappointing when people, who clamor about their love for the contradictory and self-authentic, hate when they’re confronted with it.
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moonilit · 6 months
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just went through the second part of the AQ and to put it mildly, im not handling these sad Victorian children well
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raaorqtpbpdy · 2 months
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Okay my copy of agit came in the mail today and I just read the whole thing, so now I can finally share my thoughts.
First of all, love it, literally the only thing I was iffy about the whole time was the fact that they used smartphones and contemporary slang instead of keeping everything from the shows original time period. I personally would have preferred it maintain the 2005-ness of the original show, but I can understand why the author chose to modernize it.
Secondly, the whole two doors thing at the end where his choices were “no powers” or “no phantom planet” very obviously only existed so phantom planet could be retconned out of existence—not that I’m complaining, I’m just saying it was not subtle. (But also phantom planet no longer canon can I get a fuck yeah)
And lastly thank you AGIT for canonizing that Dan calls himself Phantom as his only name because goddamn it is so hard to write anything serious or emotional when the main character’s name is fucking Dan. I’m sorry ppl named Dan but I cannot take your inner turmoil seriously (not when I’m writing in third person, anyway. It really takes me out of the moment. The vibes are awful.)
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padfootastic · 6 months
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if u ‘don’t really read wips’ then do fucking better.
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yourqueenb · 4 months
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You are so right in your distaste for Blades book 2. No matter how great things get near the end, a majority of the book was horrible. They led us along like mouse to cheese. It’s inexcusable to play with their audience this way.
I only wish more people were less willing to excuse PB’s mediocrity. The signs were on the wall for me when DLS was flat out better than Blades 2, and it’s narratively quite simple. The story told was well paced, thought out, and above all kept us waiting for more each week. I cannot say the same for B2. That is sad.
I mean I do understand why people still enjoyed it and were willing to overlook the negative aspects or didn’t have much of a problem with them to begin with. Blades 1 was a fan favorite, we all missed these characters a lot, and many people (myself included at one point) didn’t believe we would actually get book 2 because of all the bait and switches PB had done in the past. But the first two things are why I personally couldn’t overlook the glaring issues.
I can’t remember who the OP was now, but I remember seeing a post from when book 2 only had a few chapters out where someone said something about it seeming like the writers learned all the wrong things about what made the book so good, and I couldn’t agree with that person more! Yeah, book 1 was good because it was different from anything we had ever gotten before. But I think the main reason it was so good was because of the characters as individuals and the relationships we got to form with those individuals to ultimately become a family. Yet they didn’t really acknowledge those individuals or relationships in ways that did them justice for the majority of book 2. And on top of that, MC’s own characterization was inconsistent at times because the writers picked and chose when they wanted us to be a competent leader and when they wanted us to be virtually clueless for plot convenience.
Book 1 was also relatively straightforward whereas it seemed like the writers wanted to turn the sequel into their own personal commentary on religion, which is an incredibly complex topic in itself. They had some social commentary in book 1, but it was done a lot better in my opinion because it didn’t take so much of a front seat. They managed to make it clear that that commentary was important and relevant to the writers, the characters, and the readers living in the real world while never robbing book 1 of that fun adventure game used for escapism feel. Meanwhile, book 2 almost felt like ‘Rising Tides but make it religion’ at times. And that’s on top of all of the other issues I’ve already mentioned in my previous posts.
I will say that I can see how there’s usually a lot of pressure to blow things out of the water for a sequel to something so beloved, and that most likely contributed to how things played out. So maybe I’m being a bit too harsh in my judgement of everything. But I still find it very disappointing to wait so long for something just for it to be so messy and miss the mark by a mile
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i can never understand all the people going “covid’s just a cold” “it’s just like the flu”. it’s not influenza or a rhinovirus. covid sars-cov-2: severe accute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2. scientifically, it can never be a cold or flu, and it will cause severe accute respiratory syndrome. that’s not posturing or dramatics, it’s science
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gonna be so honest marcille’s Thing About Death is infinitely more interesting to me than her dynamic with falin
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you are not gonna be able to guess what lucky circumstances I managed to accidentally get myself into this time lmao I secured myself a spot at a nude drawing class without even knowing it was a nude drawing class. it’s absolutely fantastic tho! the class is usually super popular and spots are hard to get so I was really lucky
#I’m just gonna pop by every few weeks spam reblog a bunch of posts and then yell about my personal life#without responding to any messages or anything else#and that’s gonna be my blog for a while ig#sorry!#but yeah it was rly funny when we entered the room and my friend and I set up our supplies and just chit chatted with them#and some other students#and I suddenly was like#wait so this is completely a nude drawing class?#and everyone was like#classic Gigi move#in my defence:#I assumed it was a general drawing class#cause the course description had mentioned it being a basic class#'from nude drawings based on models to portraits’#so I was aware it would be a part of it but not the entire class#so yeah#I’m facing my demons this semester#in a really mild way#cuz I actually do not enjoy drawing and painting that much#it’s why I rly struggled in all of my drawing classes#so when I picked classes for this semester I was like well#the description explicitly said everyone even absolute beginners were welcome#and it was about personal skill development rather than already having skills and being graded on them#which is why I thought hm I should do this and stick to it#if I stick to it I will definitely build my skills and if I don’t do that at uni I certainly wont do that at home#sorry for thw long ramblings#I am trying to be healthy and also responsible this semester and stick to actually going to classes#and not chickening out in them and staying home because I have weird compulsive thoughts that keep me from leaving the house ✨#and I also want to be diligent and hard working this semester#gigi babbles
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laniidae-passerine · 6 months
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see I am very disjointed from a lot of nine/ten fandom discourse because I genuinely believe that in a different world where space boy was not to be seen, had an older Rose gone to the hospital and bumped into a certain Doctor Jones by a vending machine or as she was taking Rose’s vitals, she would have instantly hit it off with Martha. and probably flirted with her a little on accident and then on purpose when Martha flirted back
#I can see Martha raising an eyebrow as she catches Rose (who definitely snuck out despite being on bedrest) by the vending machine#Rose probably snuck out of bed because the girl in the bed next to her was crying and she wanted to make her feel better#because she doesn’t really like hospitals either#and when she tells Martha this she’s surprised when the Doctor (who seems quite strong and a little serious) suddenly smiles#and shows her a trick to get extra sweets and chocolate out of the machine#and then tells her to hurry because the check-in sweep of Rose’s ward is about to begin#you just KNOW Rose would be Martha’s most combative patient but in all the best ways#always asking what that machine does. what that incomprehensible doctor scrawl means. if there’s something she can do to help other patients#and Martha loves it. loves how much Rose cares just like her. they gossip and they chat about their daily lives. they get closer#everytime Martha has to scold Rose for sneaking out of bed or doing something she shouldn’t#(even though she secretly adores it. she’s never really mad she just wants Rose to take care of herself as well as other people)#she sighs and says (in her most firm but still fond tone) ‘Miss Tyler-’#only to be struck in the heart again with a cheeky grin and a ‘yes Doctor Jones?’#and also Rose loves that Martha is a doctor. that Martha cares. that she works overtime. that almost all Martha’s patients love her#and the ones that don’t just aren’t kind people anyway. that Martha doesn’t condescend. that Martha cares and cares and cares#that Martha likes all the things about Rose that other people think make her difficult and trouble and too much#she likes the things that other people don’t like in Martha either. thinks she’s magic.#Rose Tyler is always going to love her Doctor. and Martha Jones will always love somebody who thinks everybody matters#I’m like. obsessed with them?? move OVER space boy (actually nine can get involved in this. lmao ten stay away)#they’d have been so cuteeeee#rtd failed to see the lesbionic possibility but I am no such coward. no fighting over boys here#martha jones#rose tyler#dw#doctor who
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ocdhuacheng · 17 days
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I have… lots of thoughts on milsiril and kabru and the commentary on mixed-race family/adoption, in particular white parents with children of color. I think it’s really cool kui incorporated this into the story because lots of (particularly white) people just think adoption is this pure altruistic thing and don’t think about the negative affects it has on kids (again, kids of color) to not have people of their own culture to grow up with.
#I’m white so I can’t pretend this is something I am able to fully understand#and I feel like it’s not my place to write an essay on it? I’m sure poc could do it a lot better than me#but someone who is close to me is a poc in a kind of kabru adjacent situation#and I don’t want to give details bc this is personal and (obviously) not just to me so I don’t really want to talk about it too much#my point is. kabru ans milsiril just hit me really hard#I really love that kui made their relationship a relatively good one for the most part but she doesn’t just pretend it’s perfect#because it’s like. even if your parents are the best they can possibly be.l#if they don’t understand your culture that’s still a huge loss isn’t it?#and milsirils parenting skills….. definitely need a lot of work even if she means well#and the description of her adoptions as a ‘hobby’ makes it seem rather flippant imo#(not sure if that was just a translation thing tho)#but my impression is that kabru does still think of her fondly and is grateful for her taking him in and teaching him things#at the same time he does voice his frustrations about the cultural disconnect between them and her being ‘overprotective’#but yeah#like that kind of thing needs to be talked about I’m grateful that she not just doesn’t shy away from it but puts it in your face like that#.txt#dungeon meshi#oh also clarification#when I say kui talks about this stuff I do mean as an allegory#bc while I don’t think it is at all a coincidence that kabru is dark skinned and milsiril is white (coded?)#their skin color doesn’t really come into account here#it’s really the disconnect between elves and tall-men#but look me in the eye and tell me that’s not what she was going for
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i thought this was generally agreed on by now but apparently not:
sirius was more naturally smart, remus was more passionate about learning
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whimseee · 6 months
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ok how do I explain this. I hate being called a girl but I like being called a woman because it makes me feel respected. I don’t feel the need to change my appearance with makeup and whatnot to fit into a standard. I don’t like people affixing feminine stereotypes to me just because of my agab. I do not want to be perceived as any sort of gender if that means it’ll influence my interactions with people. I don’t really have a choice in how I am perceived. I only want to be seen as me. I do not think of myself as a woman, nor nonbinary, nor anything else. I see myself as just me. I like how they/them pronouns force people I don’t know that well to stumble a step before judging me. I like it when friends use varying pronouns for me, even ones they make up, because it makes me feel seen and appreciated. I love women so much, I fall in love a little when I notice the color of somebody’s eyes or wonder at what may have drawn her to the earrings she wears or see someone smile at me. I love being included in that world and because of that, like I am a sponge, I soak up womanhood and glow with it because I am so full of love
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xmcu-fietro · 8 months
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anyone know any tips for hacking into that sweet adhd hyperfocused state of mind when you’re depressed and apathetic about life 🙃
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quietwingsinthesky · 10 months
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what if. Amy “fix-it” because hallucifer makes sam so paranoid about dean leaving for no reason that sam gives in and follows him and is witness to the whole thing
#hallucifer: wow. big brother really trusts us. (beat) so something’s up right? we know it’s never this easy.#sam: (visibly restraining himself from saying shut up. about to grab his scar.)#hallucifer: (aware he’s about to be banished) don’t listen to me if you want but. I’m just trying to help.#don’t blame me if you look in the papers tomorrow and find a obit for your brain-eating girlfriend. and… what was her kid’s name again?#sam: (touching the scar. not pressing down. face all screwed up.) || hallucifer: :3 it’s not like it’ll hurt anyone#if he really does trust you he doesn’t even have to know we’re following him. *and* you’ll know your brother still trusts you.#even when I’m here. maybe he won’t even punch you again. that still hurting?#sam: (grimace. because yeah. it does.) || hallucifer: door number two - he thinks you’ve lost it and he’s going to stab that woman to death.#so what’s it gonna be Sam? ready to gamble your friend’s life on if Dean gives a shit about your opinion?#[and that’s the point where sam goes to follow dean. still doesn’t talk to Lucifer. not there yet. but oh hallucifer is sooo pleased with#himself about this. because he’s Sam. and he picks up on what Sam doesn’t. and he could see all of Dean’s little giveaways that Sam was#turning a blind eye to. and now here’s the perfect opportunity to put a wedge between them and get sam to trust him more <3)#GOD. FUCK. IM UPSET NOW. WHY WASNT HALLUCIFER IN THAT EPISODE. MOST OF THE EPISODES?#such a good fucking concept. squandered.#anyway. idk if sam saves Amy but he DEFINITELY here’s Dean’s little speech to her about how she can’t change.#hallucifer with faux sympathy like (sigh) damn. well. i always told you what he was like. Michael. Michael-sword. no difference.#both of them want us dead the moment we step out of line.#and Sam just frozen there in horror with Lucifer’s voice sinking in. and he believes him. how can he not. with dean proving him right#hallucifer#spn#sam winchester#amy pond
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