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sleepwalkersqueen · 4 years

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(Ignore this post, it’s just fucking... headcanon fluff.)

- Let’s just imagine... what it’d be like, if Enji had been a wholesome dad!

[Calculating 16 years back in the canon: Enji was 30, Toya was 9, Keigo was 7 (Rumi was 11) ]

- Enji saved Keigo from an abusive home, but when the HPSC notices Keigo’s bloody potential and wants to buy him... Enji just - adopts Keigo.

- Rei was angry about his sudden desicion: Because they already had huge responsibility with their other children! - But then she saw the tiny malnourished child who just escaped the abuse, without a home or anyone to turn to- and her heart just snapped.

- Tiny Keigo knew he wasn’t wanted, so he made himself smaller and bowed to her. - But Rei just fell to her knees and hugged him really, really close.

- Toya next to them was like: “Yeah... actually, I wanted a dog - but a bird’s fine too.”

- The whole family went shopping to buy a bunch of wing-fitted kid-clothes. Kei’s just happy to have clothes and’s still too shy to ask for anything specific so fucking Toya ends up deciding what he tries on. Fuyumi next to them is like: “Tou, That’s just black. There’s no color- Wait- I think thats a mini-skirt, what the- What do you want with the lipstick!?” - Enji has to bring half of the clothes back.

- Enji starts to read guidebooks about therapheutic parenting for Keigo, but ends up overwhelming all of his kids with love and attenttion. He talks with Keigo that its okay to cry when he feels like it, but Keigo still just swallows everything down and is scared to make noise.

- Rei and Enji made sure Keigo’d eat and sleep enough, helped him preening his wings and constantly reasurred him that his accidental lil chirps are nothing to be ashamed of.

- But in the first month, instead of playing with his new siblings, Keigo constantly helps with hard work in the house and gardens without getting asked and doesn’t stop until they tell him to. Toya asks him about it at night. Keigo admits that he loves this place more than anything and is horrified of being tossed out again, so he tries to be worth their money.

- Toya punches him (softly, with love) in the face and tells him that he’s part of the family, even if he’d burn down down their house.

- Keigo feels like a stone falling from his chest, but the fear just doesn’t go away. One day he helps Enji do the dishes and he breaks a plate. And his whole world just cracks with that plate. He’s starts trembling and is like- “You can hit me and all, but please don’t toss me out!”

- Toya heared that and he’s like :O And Enji’s like >:O

- And then Toya stares at his father, grabs a plate and smashes it to the floor so it breaks. He grabs Keigo’s hand and screams: “If you wanna punish Kei, you gotta punish me too!”.

- Enji just hugs both of them, holds them really close: “Kei, we won’t ever toss you out, we love you and you’re a Todoroki now. That was just an accident. And Tou- I’d never hurt one of you!” - Touya’s like: “I know, I just wanted to smash a plate”

- After that Enji takes a day off and they all just play in the gardens. And one moment, Keigo just stops and looks at them laughing about a really bad joke he just made and he thinks: “Woa, I’ve a family now!” And he’s so happy, he starts crying. It’s the first time he cried since a long time, and it’s because of joy.

- Enji isn’t the no. 2 hero, since he spends more time with Rei and his kids. So he moves between 2nd and 4th place in the rankings, but he really doesn’t care.

- He is still a kinda-dick to the public, but he actually talks about his family, when you ask him about them. (”Yes, my family is way better than yours. Are you blind?” *Pulls a picture out of his wallet* “Just look at my amazing sons and this pure-hearted angle of a daughter. Now out of the way, my wife said I should grab milk on my way home.”) And when he comes home can’t but smile when he sees Rei and his kids. He is really proud of them.

- Enji helps Natsuo with his homework and he makes soba with Fuyumi, plays referee for a sparring-match between Keigo and Touya. But neither of them accepts their limits or defeat, escalateing their fight until it get’s so heated, that Enji has to put a end to it, because he can’t see his kids hurting each other like this. So he let’s them fight him instead, forcing them to team up, and even though he just fakes defeat, he sees their potential.

- The kids are super scared sometimes that he doesn’t make it home after a huge fight, but Enji always returns to read the bed-time story before giving good-night-hugs, So they don’t have nightmares.

- Shoto is born and he’s allowed to sleep in his parents bed. So the other siblings want the same and they fall asleep in a puppy-family-pile. Enji sleeps half on the floor that night.

- Natsuo sees in a TV documentary that male baby-chickens get often killed instandly after they hatch... And so he freaks out, cries and hugs Keigo, like wanting to protect him. - They need the whole night to reassure him, that Keigo is in fact, not a chicken.

- One day the kids should help move some boxes up the staircase to Enji’s study. - And Keigo’s is like: “We can do that later, right guys? Let’s go see what’s inside first, play with it and then try if we can make it look like we never opened it. That’ll be fun!”; And Toya’s like: “Fucking finally” - Inside were reports about unsolved crime cases in the city. Toya and Keigo talk about it the whole month. They decide that they wanna become heroes together.

- Enji “trains” with Fuyumi, Natsuo, Toya and Keigo - But it’s actually just goofing around and playing villan-attack. (So they know what to do if someone tries to harm them, but he always watches so noone gets hurt.) Toya and Keigo are the only ones to take the play seriously, since they want to become heros for real.

- Enji tells Toya that there’s no need for him to become a hero, if he isn’t fitted for using his quirk. Toya thinks about this, but works out extremly reffined techniques where he uses his fire more defined to avoid burns.

- Toya and Keigo constantly fight about who’s the strongest. (But they are careful not to seriously hurt each other and instandly stop when the other is down. They also teamed up, when a guy in Natsu’s class stalked and tried to bully him. There isn’t much stronger in this world than their big-bro-insticts.)

- Natsuo always cares for their injuries and then Rei gives the two household chores as punishemt.... - And then they fight about who should do the dirtier work.

- Later they met Rumi hanging around in the dangerous parts of the playground and started a fight about a last soda-can. Rumi just obliterated both of them. (since she is 3/6 years older.)

- Toya and Keigo go to UA and both win the sportsfestival first place in their year. They sparr and work-out together with Rumi. They go to different agencies during their internship and try to out-do each other in solved cases.

- They were supposed to babysit Shoto once. The kitched burned.

- Toya becomes a top ranked hero and the todorokis have a big family dinner twice a week. They always cook together and everything is chaotic but in the good way.

- Toya pierces Keigos ears, because Keigo lost a bet. They start a big fight about it on the stage of the Hero-billboard-charts, live on TV. (- But they do team ups on every big mission to keep their backs safe. They’d litterally die giving the other cover.)

- Enji always tries to get team-ups with Toya, but Toya always dodges. (Because it’s kinda fucking embrassing to work with your dad, who has your baby-pictures in his wallet.)

- They are super fucking happy and nothing will ever change that.

EDIT: If anyone feels like writing this into a fic or something... I’d kiss ya feet and read the crap outta that!

EDIT 2: Like, really man. I need that fluff.

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ultraintrovertedgryffindor · 3 years

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Tate Langdon - American Horror Story

Wrote this a long time ago. My original plan back then was so make this into a multiple chapter story, but then I ultimately lost interest like all my other failed projects. 🙃

I also didn’t know how to fucking end this story, sorryyy ughhhh

❗Trigger warning❗

~~~~~~~~~~

Welp, I am dead.

Like, super dead.

One minute I’m slitting my wrists wide open in my bathroom and now I’m standing over my body watching myself decay.

I never thought I’d become a ghost or whatever I am. I didn’t even believe in the afterlife. I thought I’d just die and that would be it. I wouldn’t feel anything, it’d be peaceful. I was definitely wrong.

I moved into this big mansion in California with my parents. I didn’t want to die, I just thought it was my only way out. Now, I’m stuck here. Great. I really screwed the pooch this time.

After my parents found me rotting away, they decided to move away to have a fresh new start. Not that I blame them. But I was kinda pissed they just left me here, unable to step one foot off this property except for Halloween.

If I’m being completely honest, it’s not that terrible. I’m not alone. Turns out, many people have died here. Violently, which is fun.

There’s a woman that lives here who is kinda crazy, but she’s nice. She treats me better than my own mother did. She wishes I was a baby though, cause her baby is all kinds of fucked up.

There’s an elderly woman here too, who I found out was actually dead and lived here. When I was alive, she was our maid and constantly tried to seduce my father, which I reluctantly forgave her for that.

That weird neighbour, Constance, always visits here, since she has multiple children who have died here as well. I’ve yet to meet her eldest, Tate. To be honest, I don’t think I want to meet him. I’ve seen him wander around the halls but I’ve never shown myself around him. Mrs. Montgomery says he’s just misunderstood, but shooting up a school is a little too much for me.

I hang out with his brother sometimes, and by hanging out I mean basically rolling a ball back and forth. It makes him somewhat happy though, I guess. I know one of these days I’m going to run into him, I just hope it’s later rather than sooner.

~~~

Today, that real estate agent bitch is trying to sell this house, yet again. Only for the owners to be killed and get stuck here for all eternity. Anyone in their right mind would not buy this house, especially knowing what took place here.

I watch the family interested in buying the house from my old bedroom. They look like a relatively normal family. A mom, dad, and their angsty teenage daughter and a cute pet dog.

Yeah, they definitely wouldn’t survive living here.

“Spying on the new folks, I see?”

“Jesus! You scared me!” I turn to see Tate. Oh boy, this should be fun.

“Y/N L/N. How lovely to finally meet you. I never got the chance to introduce myself when you first moved here cause you see, you killed yourself before I even got the chance. Which was kind of rude on your part.” He smirked. “Your death was very entertaining, I must say. All that blood gushing everywhere, man, it was quite the spectacle.”

“Glad you found my death so entertaining, Tate. I’m sure yours was too.” I smile sweetly, making his smug grin quickly turn into a glare.

“Anyway,” he coughed, “better introduce myself to the new folks soon.”

“But...you’re dead.”

“Well, they don’t need to know that.” He walked over to the window where I saw. “That girl’s kinda hot, wouldn’t you say?” He smirked. “Don’t worry though, I find you even prettier.”

I scoffed and kept looking out the window. The teenage girl looked over towards the window. I quickly hid myself from her sight but Tate didn’t until she did a double take.

I gave him confused look. “What? It’s fun to play with people’s minds from time to time. You should try it sometime. Stop being a stick in the mud.” He said and walked away.

I can already tell he’s going to be so annoying.

I decided to take a closer look at the new comers. Tate was right though, that girl is pretty. I listened in on their conversation and I learned their names. Ben, Vivian, and Violet. All nice names, nice innocent names. They seem like nice people, sucks that they’ll die when they move in.

A few hours, Adelaide sneaks into the house. She always finds a way in here. She waves and smiles at me when she walks past, I still don’t know how she’s able to see me when I’m not visible to anyone, not that I mind cause I love her like a sister. She walks up behind Vivian, “You’re going to die in here.”

She’s never been one to know how to start a conversation.

~~~

I learned that Ben was a psychiatrist and Tate had an appointment with him today. He seems to be really determined to get to know these people, especially Violet. I thought about listening in, but that seemed too much. I just wandered the halls until I reached the bathroom. Violet hurts herself?

I hear footsteps and quickly sped off down the hall and hid behind a corridor, it was Tate. “You’re doing it wrong. If you wanna kill yourself, you should cut vertically. The doctors can’t stitch that up.” I hear him say.

What the hell? Why would he say that?

He closed the door and walked off. I shook my head and went up to the attic, my usual hang out spot.

I sat in the corner, I looked up and saw that the creepy rubber costume wasn’t there anymore. Thank god, that thing creeped me out to no end.

A red ball rolls to me, and I sigh. “I’m not in the mood, Beau.” I roll it back and it stays.

The attic door opens and Tate pops his head in, he sees me and smiles. “So, this is where you hang out? Good to know.” He says.

“Why? So you can annoy me better?” I say.

“Aw, don’t be like that. We should be friends.”

I laugh. “Yeah, right.”

Tate simple smirked and sat down beside me. “Come on. We’d make awesome...friends.”

I quickly scowled at him. “Why would you say that to Violet by the way? She could actually be convinced to do that, you know.”

“Oh, I was just trying to get another girl so we could have an afterlife threesome. Doesn’t that sound great?”

“Get outta here.”

Tate rolled his eyes, blowing me a kiss as he opened up attic door and descended the ladder.

I scoff. This kid really is crazy, maybe it’s a good thing that he’s seeing Dr. Harmon. Tate climbed down the ladder and the attic door closed with a loud slam.

The red ball rolls to me.

~~~

Tate is hanging out with Violet on her room. I’m not stalking him! I just wanna make sure he doesn’t kill her. “Tate. What are you doing here? You need to leave now.” Ben says. Violet tries to calm her dad, but he insisted on him leaving.

“Just trying to be friends with your friendless daughter, Ben” Tate says. I roll my eyes and leave the hallway, accidently bumping into the kid. “Woah there. Aw, is someone spying on me?” He smirked.

I scoff. “As if.” Tate had a playful twinkle in his eyes, making me feel more nervous in his presence. “Just making sure you don’t murder that girl.”

“Me? Murdering someone? Nah.” He joked, but when he saw that I wasn’t joking, he dropped his smile. “Look, my murdering days are behind me, okay? I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore. I promise.”

“I’ll make sure to hold you to that, pretty boy.”

“Aw, you think I’m pretty?”

“Don’t push me.” I scowled, Tate fake saluting me before I started to walk off. I gasped when I suddenly felt Tate turn me around so he could plant a kiss on my cheek. “What the hell?” I stuttered.

Tate simply shrugged and smiled. “You just look very kissable.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Ugh, this flopped but whatever

#american horror story #ahs murder house #tate langdon #tate langdon x reader #this sucks dont even read pls

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yikesharringrove · 4 years

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Hey could you do one where Steve is completely falling apart over the whole Upside Down thing and he has like a fwb thing with Billy and Billy is never usually affectionate or anything but he catches Steve having like a nightmare or a breakdown or something and he comforts him?

Read on ao3!

Steve and Billy started fucking the night the gate closed.

Of course, Billy didn’t know that had happened. All he knew was that he showed up at that freaky house and Steve had said look man, I’ll do anything to get you to get back in that car, and go the fuck home Hargrove and Billy had smirked and said I’ll be waiting, Pretty Boy, and he got in his car, and went the fuck home, while Steve led the kids through certain death and somehow came out the other side.

When Steve got home, itching for a shower, Billy was dozing in the front seat of his car. He rolled his eyes, banging on the top to wake him up.

Billy followed him inside, not asking about the soot and goop on his clothes, the dead look in his eyes as Billy pounded him into the mattress.

It became a thing, Billy coming over to Steve’s, fucking him silly, and then getting dressed silently, slipping out the door, leaving Steve with his nightmares.

It’s always worse on the nights Billy has been there, giving Steve a reprieve from the horror of his life, letting him feel good, wanted, comforted, but then he’s brought back into reality, soothing himself through the nightmares as best as he can.

Until one night, Billy flops off of him and just, lays there.

Steve doesn’t really know what to do with himself, sits against the headboard as Billy falls asleep.

When Billy starts spending the night, he starts to notice something, odd.

He’s never seen Steve sleep.

Billy always falls asleep first, tired after doing all the fuckin’ work for this pillow princess. But if he startled at night, blinked himself awake before dawn, Steve would always be awake, sitting at an odd angle against the headboard, eating dry cereal in the kitchen, smoking out on the front porch, never the back.

Billy just wants him to sleep. He always looks like shit at school dark circles under his eyes, dozing off in class.

Billy wants to see the way he sleeps, if he talks, kicks out, snuffles, does other cute shit.

He’s been gone on Harrington since he first laid eyes on the soft bastard in the halls of Hawkins High, giggling at Nancy, giving her those big eyes Billy lov-liked so much.

So he started sleeping over. Not cuddling or anything, but after cumming all over Steve’s ass, he’ll roll over and plant himself next to Steve who would smile at him softly, and trot of to the bathroom to clean himself up.

The penny dropped on a cool March night. Billy had brought out some new tricks, had made Steve ride him all night, and Steve was coming off of two nights of no sleep, so when he slumped on top of Billy, he fell asleep right there, right on Billy.

Billy was in Heaven. Steve was cooing in his sleep, making all these soft little noises. Billy was drinking them all in, noticed when they began to sour, when the happy sounds turned into whimpers.

Panicked groans gave way into screams. Steve was writhing, thrashing about, shouting no, no, NO. Telling someone to get behind me! Hands grasping out for something.

Billy was at a loss. The first time Steve falls asleep with him he has what appears to be a horrible fucking nightmare.

He shakes Steve’s shoulder, moves him aggressively, shouts Harrington at him.

That’s apparently the wrong move.

Steve lashes out, Billy barely dodging the blow, rolling on top of Steve, pinning his arms down.

“Harrington! You’re having a nightmare!” Steve’s eyes flew open, looking around the room, eyes panicked. He met Billy’s eyes, and whimpered, immediately starting sobbing.

“I’m, I’m sorry. I didn’t, I usually don’t sleep when you’re, when you’re here. I didn’t want you to know.” Billy rolled off of him, pulling Steve in close, put Steve’s head in his neck, shushed him gently, rubbing his hands softly down Steve’s back.

It took Steve a long time to calm down, for the tears to stop flowing, the whimpers to stop.

“That happen often?” He felt Steve nod against his chest.

“Most, most nights.” Billy just kissed the top of his head.

“Pretty Boy, what the fuck? You have nightmares like that most nights?”

“Yeah, but it’s, it’s not a big deal-”

“Yes, it is a big deal. That’s not good for you. Have you always had nightmares?”

“No they, they started last year. When Barb, when Barb drowned.”

“Wait, I thought she dies in like a chemical leak or something.” Steve swallowed.

“Not, not exactly.” His head spun as he thought of a lie he could tell, a convincing one. “She got exposed to whatever it was but then she, I had a party, and she-I was inside, I was in here, and she drowned and I can’t even look at the pool anymore and-” he took a sharp breath, tears coming back into his eyes. “And the night, the night with all the kids, we got, we got attacked by a bunch of fucking dogs, and I had to, had to beat ‘em all with a fucking bat, and once, with Nancy and Jonathan, we all almost fucking died and they, I think they would’ve if I hadn’t, if the bat hadn’t been right there, and sometimes, I just, what if I was too slow, or too scared, or if, if-” He broke down again, Billy cooing softly in his ear, I’m right here, Stevie, it’s okay, I’ve got you.

“You weren’t though. The kids are all fine, no dog bites, and you weren’t too slow or too scared, obviously because everyone is fine, and that girl drowning, that, that wasn’t your fault. She probably like, passed out due to the chemicals and then fell into the pool or something it was not your fault.”

Steve was shaking against him. This was so new to Billy. Was use to Steve being bratty, being cocky and egging him on until he held him down. He was not ready to see this vulnerable side, this protector who was, a mess.

“Have you ever talked to anyone about this?”

“Fucking who, Billy? Who can I tell? Because, i had to sign those fucking NDAs, and, and the kids can’t know I’m like this and Nancy and Jonathan, they have each other, and I have, I have no one. No one gives a fuck about me. My own parents barely even acknowledge I exist, and only then it’s just when my dad calls to tell me that I’m a failure, an embarrassment, and to get a job because I can’t work for him because I’m not going to college, can’t go to college, with my shitty grades and no good brain.”

It was a lot for Billy. Steve was babbling. Every little thing that was stressing him out, it was pouring outta his mouth, right onto billy’s chest.

“Pretty Boy, that’s not true. Maybe, maybe you can’t talk to the kids, I mean, they’re kids, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care about you. Lots of people care about you, lots of people love you, I mean, I, I love you.”

It was silent.

Billy barely breathed as Steve brought his head up, tear-stained face staring at him in the moonlight.

“You, you what?”

“I love you.” Steve’s face split into a grin, a tearful beautiful brilliant grin.

“Thank God. I, I thought I was the only one.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I love you, Bill and I was, I thought you only wanted sex, so I was trying, trying not to.” Billy barked a wild laugh.

“I was goin’ the exact same shit, Stevie. You mean to tell me we could’ve been in love this whole time?”

When Steve laughed it was watery, but it was also joyful. It made Billy’s heart soar.

“Maybe I’m not the only mess here.” Billy just took his face, pulled him close enough to kiss him, to lick into his mouth, to smile and laugh against each other and to let themselves be happy, be in love like a coupla messes.

#harringrove #yikes writes #harringrove fic #harringrove ficlet #harringrove drabble #steve harrington #steve harrington x billy hargrove #billy hargrove x steve harrington #billy hargrove

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #308

“you don’t need treats, and you don’t need tricks, and you don’t need me.”

Middle name? Marie. Or Marie Catherine, if we're technical, but as someone who loooong left Catholicism and never even agreed with many aspects of it in the first place, I don't like to include it. If you're confused, there's a ceremony called Confirmation, and while I honestly don't even remember the details of it, you adopt the name of a saint you want to stand for, kinda. I chose Catherine just because I liked the name outta my other options. Democrat/republican/other? I classify myself as Independent because I really don't relate well enough to either, but I do know I'm becoming more and more liberal with time. Do you dress according to your mood? My mood? No. I dress with what I feel like wearing at that time, but my actual mood has nothing to do with it. Are you good at doing hair/make up? No. Are you always worried or stressed about something? 24/7, my friend. Can you swim? Yeah. Are you afraid of needles? I don't like them, but I'm not afraid of them. How many kids do you want? Zero. Long/short nails? I keep mine short. Do you like wearing hats? No. Does mall Santa Clauses or Easter bunnies freak you out? Nah, I loved seeing Santa as a kid. :') Would you consider yourself clumsy? I am RIDICULOUSLY clumsy. Do you like when a guy picks you up in his arms? In concept, but I ain't easy to pick up anymore lmao. Do you like hairless cats? I do!! Females, anyway, for... obvious reasons lol. Not having fur makes some things waaay too ~obvious~ otherwise. I would love a sphynx. Do you like the color yellow? No; it's actually one of my most disliked colors. Have you ever seen a cat have a hairball? Yeah. Have you ever had a tooth pulled? Not by a dentist, no, just by myself as a kid when I was losing my baby teeth. When someone says don’t look do you look? It depends on why they're telling me to not look. Have you ever played spin the bottle? No. If you had to name three important details about you, what would you say? I'm a very emotional person, I need a lot of "me" time, and to be aware of my social anxiety so not every interaction I have is perceived as just a dumpster fire. What are your three biggest insecurities? My creativity, my goddamn body, and my lack of social skills. If you could write anonymous letters to three people, who would you send it to and what would you say? Ummm. I can only think of people I miss and don't WANT to be anonymous... Favorite photo of yourself? A senior prom picture I don't have anymore. I looked so, so happy and fuck my low self-esteem, gorgeous. Who are you disappointed with right now? I'm like, permanently disappointed in myself lol. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? No. My minimum is 21. What question do you hate to answer? "Are you a virgin?" because it's just a confusing answer. It doesn't sound like one at all, but trust me on this. The subject of sex just makes me uncomfortable anyway, so even if I was confident in the answer, I wouldn't want to talk about it. What’s your most listened to song? I don't have a way of actually finding that out, but I'd say I've been listening to "ULTRAnumb" by Blue Stahli quite a lot lately. If you were a performing artist, what would you title your first album? I mean, I don't know. It would depend on what was going on in my life and head at the time. If someone told you you could give one person a present and your budget was unlimited–what present would you get and for whom? A nice car for Mom. She's had the same shitty car for yeeeeeaaaaarrrrrssssss now because she just can't afford a new one; hell, this one was free. A dance friend hit a deer, so the front of the car is messed up, and she bought a new one, but because the car itself was still functional, she gave it to my mom. Mom is so loved at the studio. The car just has various issues by this point, like trouble starting, accelerating, it's bumpy, etc., so it's way past time for a new one. Do you like licorice? NOOOOOOOOOO that's a big 'ole "ew." Have you ever visited your country’s capital city? No, but I've seen it from a distance when riding up to NY. When was the last time you were outdoors for over an hour? WOW. I couldn't even try to guess. What is the shortest amount of time you’ve lived somewhere? The house I was born into. I actually don't know how long Mom and Dad lived there, but I was only in that house as a very little baby. I have zero memories of it. What’s your favorite kind of mint? (Peppermint/wintergreen/spearmint/etc.) ... There's a difference? lol I guess peppermint? What was the last thing to frustrate you? I wanted to draw yesterday, but I didn't know what to draw to even get started. Have you ever been to a bachelor or bachelorette party? No. Did any of your family members serve in WWII? I don't believe so? Well... maybe my grampa did? I don't remember. What’s your favorite kind of salad? Gimme an Olive Garden salad and I will deadass eat the whole bowl. Are you more realistic or idealistic? I'd say I'm more realistic with most things. Are you currently borrowing something from someone? No. Is anyone currently borrowing anything from you? No. What is your last name’s heritage/country of origin? Ireland. When did you last buy a new pair of shoes? What kind? I got new flipflops a year or so back because my old Rainbows were so worn out and blackened my feet. Have you ever experienced culture shock while traveling? If so, where? No. Are you able to see the stars at night where you live? I actually haven't checked since moving here. We're in the suburbs though, so it's questionable. Do you include your middle initial in your signature? Not unless it's required, usually. I think. When's the last time I physically signed anything, anyway? What brand of computer do you have? It's an Acer Nitro. What operating system does that computer run? Windows 10. What’s the oldest piece of clothing that you still own and wear? I don't really know, given how much my weight has fluctuated. Went drastically up, went down, now it's back up. .-. I still own a handful of shirts I want to "shrink back into" from late HS and early college times, but yeah, I don't know if I'll actually achieve that. Is the area in which you live flat, hilly, or mountainous? Flat as my ass. What is your significant other or best friend’s ring tone? No one on my phone has a "special" ringtone. Where do you keep your hair brush? There's a comb I use in a drawer in the bathroom. Which pair of shoes have you owned the longest? Multiple pairs of Converse, also from high school. When’s the last time you were sick at the same time as someone else? I'm very happy to say I don't even recall the last time I was sick. My immune system is the fuckin GOAT. What did you have for breakfast this morning? A pb&j. We've got very little rn, but thankfully Mom's picking up our Wal-Mart order today. Last time you were in pain? If I'm standing, you can bet my legs hurt, so. What color is your mom’s hair? It's growing back totally gray now. Is that also your hair color? Well, no, I'm only 25. Do you watch any daily vloggers on YouTube? Who? No. I watch people who vlog occasionally, but not regularly. It's gotta be people I'm very into to really be interested in vlogs. What room of your house do you usually do your surveys in? Sigh, I'm always in my bedroom. Really hoping Mom and I muster up the motivation to clean up the extra room soon to turn it into my "dayroom" or "office," if you will. What do you put on your tacos? I hate tacos. What is your favorite stuffed animal and where did you get it? I have a bittersweet connection to the adorable plush meerkat Jason gave me for Valentine's our first year together; I always slept with it when we were together by apart, and for a year or so after the breakup. It was a source of comfort for me, so I'm really fond of it. Fella's fur is so worn out and matted down with age and lots of love. He's on my dresser now, towards the front of all my plushies. Last thing you hung up on your wall? My Illidan poster, I believe. Do you have a full length mirror? Yeah, on the back of my door. Is it currently raining? No, finally. It's been raining for like a fuckin week, it seems like. It's finally a clear day. It's nice to hear birds outside. Does anyone you live with talk in their sleep? Does this happen often? I'M the one doing the talking/screaming in my sleep. Thanks, nightmares. When was the last time you cried, or felt tearful? I'm not positive, but I know I had a pretty rough PTSD night not too long ago where I teared up. Did you wake up with a song stuck in your head today? What was it? Ohhh yes; I've been listening to Mother Mother's "Ghosting" on repeat because it's jammed up there. When was the last time you used moisturiser or lotion of some kind? Not too long ago on my hands. They get dry this time of year, and besides, I wash my hands a lot nowadays especially. What was the last thing you owned, that was accidentally broken or damaged? Were you able to get it fixed? My laptop, and yes. Tell me about the last dream you recall having. Was it weird, amusing, etc. So this is pretty wild. I know I had a nightmare last night, but I don't remember it; the night before, however, I had a nightmare about a possibly rabid and ginormous rat (I mean like, smaller dog sized) in the house and trying to bite me. It was SUPER weird, because I was actually afraid of it, yet I absolutely adore rats in real life. What was the last video you watched on YouTube? I've really gotten into John Wolfe (a let's player) lately, and I'm going through his The Evil Within playthrough. Do your parents use any social media at all? My mom has a Facebook, and hilariously, Dad has a Snapchat to talk with my sister Nicole. He has no clue what he's doing with it and it's adorable, haha. Mom also has a Twitter, but she doesn't use it. Is there anyone in your life who regularly asks how your day has been? Regularly, no. I've always been that person, especially in the WoW guild I'm in. I'm very close and comfortable with them and ask how everyone's doing any time I log on. Lovely people who give me some social interaction every day. Tell me something positive about the day you've had. It's still early, but once again, it's pretty and bright outside. Why do you prefer Facebook over MySpace, because I know you do? Ha, you'd be incorrect. MySpace was more personal, so I actually preferred it. But it's obviously long-dead, so I just settle with Facebook. Have you read the Pretty Little Liars series? No. My sister looooves it, though. What product do you use to moisturize your lips? I don't remember, actually... It's in my purse somewhere. When did you start using Xanga? I never have. Be honest, do you judge people on their appearance? Judge, I don't think so. I can make assumptions like everyone else, but I'm not gonna think someone is beneath me just by their attire. Do you know anyone who does not like The Beatles? Me. At least, most songs. "Hey Jude" is good, but everyone agrees with that, haha. Did you have a friend in middle school that you’re now enemies with in high school? I'm long since out of HS. I had a middle school friend who I disconnected with following a fight in high school, but we weren't "enemies," and we reunited our senior year anyway. Aaaaand we're not friends anymore once again lmao. What is one thing you hope your children don’t inherit from you? If I hypothetically wanted kids, God knows I'd hope they wouldn't have my psychological issues. Do you think you’ll be married in 10 years? It'd be nice, anyway. What type of foundation do you wear? None. Who’s the most controlling person you know? Someone I'm no longer friends with, partially because of this. Do males look good in skinny jeans? Yep. Are you for or against guyliner? Ugggghhhhh guyliner makes me weak in the knees. How many jobs have you had? Where do you currently work? Three; nowhere. Who did you last hit? Um, nobody??? What way of self-care do you enjoy the most and what feels more like an obligation? I enjoy my alone time on the computer as the best self-care, especially after being social all day; I don't, however, enjoy the act of performing hygiene care. I still do it, it's just not fun. The feeling afterwards is great, though. Have you ever tried specific diet plans or fads? What made you do it and how did it turn out for you? I was briefly using NutriSystem, which didn't work for me. I hated too much of the food. More recently I stuck with flexible dieting and calorie counting for a while, but I drifted from it when I still lost no fucking weight in like a month. I want to get back to it, though... oh, and intermittent fasting. I don't think it really worked for me yet again, even though I did it correctly, but that and the aforementioned flexible dieting is all I feel like I can handle. I guess I just have to give it longer. Do you know anyone who has been directly affected by COVID-19 e.g. testing positive, losing a loved one, or their job due to the pandemic? Too many people I know have had it or had someone they loved die because of it. Take this shit seriously. Is there a kind of music you only prefer listening to during specific type of activities that you otherwise wouldn’t enjoy under normal circumstances (e.g. EDM while doing sports or instrumental music while studying, etc.)? No; I have to actually enjoy the music. If you had to start a YouTube channel and motivations/skills/resources/any other inhibiting factors weren’t an issue, what would it be about? Either animal (preferrably reptiles) education or let's plays, ig. Has anything ever happened to you that if you told someone about, they would think you’re making it up? I don't believe so. What travel destination or popular spot have you been to that you found overrated? What about a lesser known place that you thought was a hidden gem? I really don't know; I haven't traveled nearly enough for this.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''ghosting'' by mother mother

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darkwritingsnshit · 5 years

Text

Living the Dream

Chapter 2

Warnings: This is a dark fic, please don’t read if you are uncomfortable with noncon, kidnapping, and dark characters

If someone isn’t looking, it’s hard to see a dark car following them home. If someone isn’t looking, it’s easy to miss a single stranger in New York, especially in the dark. It really wasn’t safe to live in these old NYC apartments, the old locks were easy to pick, easier to break with a strong wrist. The single paned windows offered very little insulation or noise control, and again, their locks were easy to pick or break. Steve knew that their house would be an enormous step up for you, a leap even. The two of you wouldn’t live downtown NYC, it would be somewhere more beautiful, may even have that picket fence he knew you secretly dreamed about. He’d also make sure you were much more careful in the future. Be able to spot someone tailing you, check for hidden cameras you seemed to not notice, keep your kids safe from strangers. Yeah, things would be a lot different.

You woke up the next morning with half a dozen apology texts from your brother, and by noon he had called your office phone.

“Hey, I’m really sorry about last night.” He seemed sincere, you knew that he didn’t like to leave you hanging, as often as he did.

“It’s chill, I went over anyway. Tinkered around in the lab, watched a movie. Next time give me a heads up though, you’re ridiculously bad at responding or communicating in any way.” You scolded him over the phone.

“I know, I’m really sorry. It was super last minute, we got the call and I was out in 5 minutes. Will you come down tonight?” You gave out a lengthy sigh as your only response.

“I’m leaving for a while.” Your brother said in a monotone through the phone.

“Leaving? Where are you going?” You hated to see your brother go again, but you knew it was part of the job.

“You know I can’t tell you that.” You had learned not to ask questions a long, long time ago, when he first signed up for the Army. That was always his response “I can’t tell you.” It used to drive you up the wall, but now it was pretty routine. Still it left you miffed.

“I’m your goddamn sister, I’m not going to tell anyone, why do you still have to be like this?” You still knew that he wouldn’t give you a straight answer.

“Look, I’m going to be gone a few months and I have to leave tomorrow. Will you please come over so I can see you and say goodbye? I’m going to miss you.” It was hard to admit but you had come to rely on your brother’s presence in your life. You tried not to, you knew that he would have to leave like this for his job, that nobody was going to take care of you but you. It made you feel defeated, and mad at yourself. Gone were the days of cold indifference to your absent brother, you were close now, you cared now. This was one of the reasons why you tried so damn hard not to care about anyone.

“Fine. I’ll be over after work. But I swear to god if you flake on me again, I’ll kill you before you have a chance to leave, you hoe.” Your brother laughed, mumbled his agreement before you ended the call.

You wound up arriving late at the tower. Your coworker had been kind enough to jump your car, it clicked when you tried to turn the key, but from the sound of it, it was probably just a shorted fuse that ran down the battery. After a go with the jumper cables everything had turned out okay, and you promised yourself to take it to the shop in the morning, as you didn’t have the time to fix it up yourself.

Walking into the tower, it was again Mr. America himself that showed up on the first floor.

“Come here often?” He joked as the two of you made your way to the elevators.

“Are you the official greeting party now?” you wanted to see your brother, not some blonde super soldier.

“Hey, I think I’d make a great greeting party, who doesn’t love seeing Captain America when they walk in the door?” You just rolled your eyes at his comment, happy when the doors slid open to where you could find your brother.

“See you!” Steve called after you. You waved behind your shoulder, missing the scowl he had at your indifference. Everyone loved Captain America, he didn’t get why you seemed impervious to his charm, especially when he was nothing but polite. Plenty of women were falling at his feet for this superhero gig, what was with your sour attitude?

“What up asshole?” You banged the door open to your brother’s room and flopped down on his bed.

“I’m organizing, you messed up all my packing!! Move!” He waved his hands at you as you realized you had indeed flopped on his folded black shirts and a pile of socks.

“Whatever dude, where are you going, when will you be back? What’s for dinner?” You rolled off most of his clothes, but he made a point of yanking the shirt back that was still under your knee.

“You know I can’t tell you. But I’ll probably be back in a few months, like three or four. Six max.” He was focused on rolling all his gear and clothing into his tac bags.

“Six months?” Your brother hadn’t been gone for six months since before your parents had died. He would do a few weeks here and there, but you were grateful Stark kept him pretty close to home. “What am I supposed to do for six months?” you hated the thought of not seeing him for that long, not texting or calling him, just not knowing. He never checked in, he said it wasn’t safe. It was going to be six months of nothing.

“I don’t know, what did you do before? You have a life and stuff, just stay busy.” He was still more preoccupied with packing than realizing what he was saying.

“You know what I did before.” Your voice was icy.

Before, when your brother had been away, you had looked after your parents. You would take care of their lawn and garden; walk the dogs and every Sunday you would make dinner. It was usually three times a week you would read the papers to your father in the evenings, play cards with them until it was time for bed.

“Shit- I’m sorry I didn’t… I mean everyone here loves you! You need to hang out more, come watch movies, work on tech with Stark. They’re good people here, they care about you, you’re family to them.” His speaking was rushed, he was trying to cover his misstep.

“They’re your family. They’re more like coworkers to me.” You flopped back on the bed again, studying the ceiling.

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself. If you do that, you’re just going to wallow. You know that there’s enough tech here to keep you busy for years, not just six months. Come down here when you’re bored. Also, I think Steve may have a crush, he’s been asking about you a lot.”

You rolled your eyes at your brother but knew that he was right about the wallowing. Depression came quick if you let it, it was always best to head it off.

“Fine, I’ll come by more often to stay busy. Tell that golden retriever to stop sniffing around where he isn’t wanted though.” Your brother laughed out loud at that one, more used to your snarky attitude and flippant jokes than anyone else.

“You pick dinner, we can do anything. Small possibility I snatched the company card this morning…” He held a small piece of plastic between his fingers with a smile. You threw a pillow at his head.

“You’re the worst person ever.” You said.

“Hey, whatever. I figure Stark should buy me dinner before fucking me with this six-month assignment he’s got me on, right?”

Dinner came in the form of Chinese take out containers, as reruns of The Office played behind you and your brother’s conversation.

“Did I miss anything exciting? More importantly did you get anything good with my credit card?” Tony swiped the plastic card your brother had left on the table next to the takeout.

“Yeah, I bought a few Lamborghinis, a couple private islands, you know, nothing too fancy. Thought we could take a vacation once I get back.” Your brother replied around his eggroll.

“Well, as long as they’re my colors, it shouldn’t be a problem.” Tony replied, snatching a wanton and sitting down in a lounge chair. “Let me tell you, it’s gonna be pretty weird here without my house full of the team. I’m actually going to miss your horrible attitude and constant backtalk while you’re gone.”

“Wait, you mean it’s not just you leaving?” You turned to your brother.

“Nope, almost everyone is outta here tomorrow. Nat, Sam and Wanda are coming along. Bucky is somewhere in the steppes of Russia doing recon, and Bruce is doing what exactly? Helping out with Ebola, or is it clean water? Something about doctors, right Tony?” Your brother mused.

“Bruce headed to Yemen, he’s implementing our new filtration system for water, while providing free medical care to refugees.” Tony corrected.

“So, who’s left?” You asked.

“Well let’s see, it’ll be our golden boy Rodgers, he’s helping me with a huge PR nightmare, Pepper is always around, Thor likes to stop in occasionally, and the kid swings by when he’s not helping old ladies cross the street or playing video games after school. You know what?” Tony remarked, “Why don’t you stay here until everyone is back? Pepper would love it if there was a more talkative lady around, and no offence, but the guys here really trash the place. You could also pop into the lab whenever you want, get some late-night tinkering in when you can’t sleep. That’d be a lot of fun.” Tony looked like a five-year-old with a new bright idea. You laughed, sitting back against the couch.

“Believe it or not, I actually like the peace and quiet, that’s why I live alone. Besides, I am never, ever staying in his room. I saw what it looked like when he lived at home, I’ve found some weird shit he’s left in the corners.” You pushed on your brother’s shoulder.

“Hey! I never asked you to help me clean my room, and I was like, fourteen. Stay out of my room, Jesus.” You just laughed some more.

“See, exactly what I’m talking about. I really appreciate the offer though.”

“Okay, I won’t push it. On the condition that you come by at least once a week. No scratch that, two or three times. I’m going to keep calling you down to the lab, I don’t have Banner to balance me out.”

“You’re going to have to start paying me Tony.” You replied.

“No problem, I’ll have Pepper put you on payroll. Actually, you’ve got a ton of back hours logged, I’ll get that set up.” Tony stood and was already on his tablet.

“No! Stop, Tony it was a joke, of course I’ll come by. I’m usually free after five, just give me a call or text and I’ll come over.” Tony mumbled something that sounded like ‘yeah, yeah’ and continued out of the room.

“I hate to leave but it’s getting late.” You didn’t want to leave. You really didn’t want to leave your brother, not knowing if or when you would see him again. “Don’t fucking die, you hear me? Come home.” You looked him directly in the eye, you needed him to know that you were serious. He wrapped you in a hug and squeezed tight. You didn’t want him to let go.

“Hey. Hey, look at me,” he held your shoulders, “I’m going to be great. I promise. It’s not dangerous, and if it is, you know I can take care of myself. With my backup, the only person you should be worried about is the guy in my crosshairs. Okay? I promise that I’m coming home to you.” You nodded and he squeezed you tight again. “Now go home and get a good night’s sleep. I’ll be home before you miss me.”

Regretfully, you parted ways with your brother, and headed towards the elevators. Down, down, down until it stopped on the 5th floor with a ding. It was golden boy Rodgers himself, who greeted you with a smile.

“Going down?” He asked.

“Yeah, it’s late, I’m heading home.” You were sad now you missed your pain in the ass of a brother already.

“Let me walk you to your car.” Steve offered, and you were too tired to turn him down.

#dark!steve rogers #dark!captain america #my writing #steve rodgers x reader #captain america x reader #this is dark

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onceaponamidnightdreary · 4 years

Text

The Crimson Crusader

Ksk--ksk--testing-sks- ello- ske- esting one to three, testing one two three. Alright, we’re live. Greetings civilians. This, as you may not know, is the Crimson Crusader, your average vigilante that you don’t know and love to hate. Though, I ain’t your average vigilante. Why, I’ll get to that later. I’m perched on a rooftop, doing my daily patrol. It’s about ten at night and things are a little low, crime-wise. You may want to know why I’m broadcasting this recording, as people like us like to keep our identities hidden. It won’t matter, you won’t find me on any records, or government documents, those have been burned. Heck, I don’t know why I’m doing this myself, but I’ve gotten tired of all you conspiracy theorists. This is my story, where I came from.

See, I was born and raised in the town of Lindhold, of which you are probably familiar. You see it on the news all the time, all the crimes and the rich people up the hill. See, the town was divided into three parts, the Uppers, the Middle, and the Slums. Figure it out by yourself what they mean. O’course, I just happened to be born in the worst part of town. Down there, we didn’t call it Linkhold, nah, to us, it was known as Fester. Cuz everything was always rott’n and festering, the buildings, the food, the people. ‘Specially the people. I was born in a dead-end alley-way with one-eyed alleycat as my nursemaid. The first thing I saw, apparently, was the cat hissing as me. Funny enough, I’ve always loved the creatures after that.

My mother named me Angel Crimson Aldrich, though nobody called me Angel. You called me by my middle name, or you didn’t talk to me at all. Why my mother named me this, I didn’t know. I was as far from Angel as you could get. She said it’s cause I looked like one, with my sienna-pale skin, slate-grey eyes. And white-blond long hair. I cut it the next day, lopped off the sides and the back and it stayed that way ever since, wild in a devil-may-care way. Nothing to grab. One thing I couldn’t figure out was my last name. Aldrich. My mother's name was Evalin Savanna, so I figured it was my father. Never knew him, but I hated him all the same. It was ‘cause of him that my mom suffered. Never even paid a stupid child support check. I bet he didn’t even know I existed.

I lived with my mom in a rotting wooden flat, just the two of us. She died when I was five, pneumonia. Never had the money to afford the medicine.

The tenant evicted me and I spent the next two years as a street-urchin, pickpocket extraordinaire. Don’t feel bad for me, I was’n the only one. Hell, those streets were riddled with kids like me. Nobody batted an eye. It was just life in the town of Fester. I went to elementary school, I was smart for my age. The school was deplorable, a library the size of a cupboard, overcrowded classrooms, you name it. Dropped out at age six. From then on, my life moved on faster. At seven, I joined my first gang, held my first gun at nine, and killed my first man when I was eleven. Those streets make you grow up fast.

When I was thirteen I was lucky enough to run with a gang called the Crusaders.

Sound familiar?

I kept with them, moved up ranks. I was smart, I followed orders, I was ruthless, I fought like a demon. At fifteen I was the right hand girl to the leader, a chick called Smoky, cause of her eye-shadow. She was like an older sister to me, teaching me everything I knew. She was the toughest person I know, and it ain’t easy for a girl on the streets. You learn to survive, to not trust. She died in a gang fight, promoting me with her dying words. I was sixteen and I became leader to the second largest gang in Fester. Back then, gangs were everything. You paid homage to the right gang or you died trying. Turf wars were battles that decided life or death. We controlled five city blocks, and they were everything and we gave everything to defend them. But the Crusaders weren’t your average gang. I doubt any gang led by a woman is. See, we didn’t deal drugs, ammo, or counterfeit money. And I know you’re wonderin’ what we did do. See, ‘Crusaders’ means a person who fought in the Crusades, a medieval battle for Christianity or something. But today, it comes to mean someone who uses vigorous, aggressive movement for the defense or advancement of an idea or cause. That's what we did. Since the police were useless and usually bought off by a gang, crime raged rampant in Fester. If you walked down town at night, it was extremely likely that you would be mugged, shot, stabbed, or kidnapped.

Or all of the above.

So me and my gang, we dealt out justice, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth situation. But we had a very meticulous system. If you stole, the first question we would ask is why. If you stole to feed your family, we would let you go. If you stole because of greed, we would take double what you took. And thrice the second time. The third time, we cut off your hand. If you murdered for revenge, we understood that. If you killed for power, for gain, for absolutely no reason at all, well, then you died. If that made us bad people, we didn’t know. But it was the only type of justice we knew and we were good at it. We also stole from the Uppers, the rich, white folk in their god-awful fancy McMansions. They never walked in our lower part of town, didn’t bat an eye at the crime and the poverty, didn’t know an’ didn’t care that one peice of furniture in their house could feed an entire family for a year. Man, we hated them, them in their fancy cars and clean clothes. Worst of all, they did nothin’ to deserve it. They were all born into money, like their parents before them. And their parents before them. So we stole from them, hacked into their bank accounts, emptying ‘em little by little.

Wait- sks there's something,- sks- I’ll be back- sks-(Gunshots and yelling in background. Thumps and bodies hitting the wall.)

Sks- ksk- krshhh-sks-kay I’m back. There was some idiot who thought he was at the top of the food chain ‘cause he had a gun. Now he’s got a major concussion and the entire police station in his face.

Idiot.

So I should probably tell you about some people that were in my crew. Every gang has a crew, the inner circle basically, then a few runners, people that send messages and help with other stuff but aren’t there fulltime and lastly, your hoard, which were people that were under your protection that other gangs couldn’t touch but only ran favours for you now and then. My crew and I were real tight, we had to be, watching each other's backs and all.

My right hand man was a guy called Leon, smart as a whip and tough as a shark, and man he could get things done. He used to run with the Sidestreet Shavers, I think, before they kicked him out ‘cause he saved a little girl's life. I heard, took him in, and he’s been loyal ever since.

My tech guys, the hackers, was a girl, ex-heroin addict nick-named Half Print, and her sweetheart, a thin, skinny blond guy called Stevie. And damn, were they good at their job. I had no doubt they could hack the Pentagon if they wanted. They had an extensive blackmail file on everyone. You know, just cause.

My muscle, two brothers, only two years apart, named Cork and Neal, just your average for-hire thug, buzz-cut, 6 foot 2, tattooed knuckles, that kind of thing. But they had good hearts, you know, real softies when you got to know them. They lived on the streets before they busted a dog-fighting ring and I gave them my protection. Genuinely good people are hard to come by.

I also had a spy/assassin, a mute girl named Stiletto, cause of her preferred weapon, and her girlfriend who was my scout, Hatchet, an african-american girl who ran away at age ten thanks to her abusive and homophobic father. She also had the largest library of curse words known to mankind, including some in different languages.

We all suffered. We all dreamed. And that's what made us different from other gangs, you know? Nobody in the god-forsaken town of Fester had ever dreamed. The place just sucked the hope right outta you. We were a group of hopeless dreamers, wishing for something more than this hellhole. We wanted to go to college, to travel, to help others like us. But we can’t. Can’t afford any of it.

Which brings me to the next part of my story.

It was dangerous, living in a gang. You run the risk of getting beat up and shot.

Which was exactly what happened to Stevie.

Now we weren’t as close as Me and Leon but we were still great friends. And looking at his broken and bleeding figure I wasn't thinking clearly. He was the most fragile out of my crew, and I thought he was dead. So we did the worst thing possible.

We called 911.

We were gang members with a bleeding dying figure on our hands. But we were hysterical and young enough that they didn’t arrest any of us. They let Half Print ride in the ambulance and the rest of us ran. Straight on ran the six blocks to the hospital.

The news was grim.

He was alive but in a coma. Busted rib cage, punctured lungs, ruptured organs, several broken bones. They needed to do surgery or else he wasn’t gonna live. We agreed, saying that we would pay them back.

The price came to $530,000.

We didn’t have that type of money.

Hell, we didn’t even know how to get that type of money.

But Hatchet heard about a government program that needed willing human volunteers to experiment on. They were offering $600,000.

We argued about who should go, everyone offering themselves. I told them it was my duty, as leader and left without a word. I appointed Leon as the head until I returned. No one mentioned what we were all thinking, that they might never see me again.

From then on, everything becomes a little blurry.

The scientists didn’t bother using anesthesia, so I remembered pain. Lots of pain. They took my right eye, too. Replaced it with a mechanical one. After the experiments, I trained, and everything became a haze. I learned weapons use and types of fighting styles, my drugged up mind not even questioning it. They made me stronger, faster, with inhuman reflexes. There were 20 volunteers of people desperate enough to need the money.

After a year, there were only three left, including me. I still don't remember what happened but apparently I killed them. Then I burned down the government building. The head scientist escaped, a man called Dr. Armada.

Then I went back to my gang.

They pressured me to tell them what happened, how I was stronger then normal, stronger than human.

I didn’t have a lot of answers to give them. They were excited for my powers, as they called it. They wanted to use it to stop crime, to do the things we strived to do.

I told them no. I didn’t want to be like the superheros in New York. Nothing good came out of that, look what happened to Tony Stark. Dead after saving the world. I wanted to lay low after all that had happened.

We had a fight, … and… I left. One of the greatest regrets of my life. As I was heading out, I heard a girl crying out for help, with my inhuman hearing. I got there without thinking and stopped the guy attacking her. It was laughably easy. I realized that they were right and I headed back to apologize.

And I will never forget this, as I headed back, the warehouse doors were wide open and the moonlight illuminated red stains on the floor.

Blood.

I rushed in but it was too late. Wide, glassy eyes, bodies cold and stiff. And I heard a gasp to my right. It was Stiletto, the girl who never spoke in her damn life. She looked at me and… I-I’ll never forget this. She said “Remember Crimson, doing what is right is not always easy. But doing’ what is easy is not always right.”

And then she was dead.

I swore then and there that I would become what they wanted to be. The dreams they never had, the fight they always wanted.

I became, in honour of them, the Crimson Crusader.

That is me, Angel Crimson Aldrich, signing off, for now.

#madeup superhero #badass lady #oc

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survivingyellow · 4 years

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I Defeated the Wizard

I know that most likely no one reads my blog anymore because I am not very active on here. Which sucks because I really do have the heart to write. Just not all the time I would like to have. On that note, if you are currently reading this, I am happy that you are tuned in. I am happy you are alive and breathing. I am so relieved that you haven’t given up on me and my failed attempts at being consistent. And lastly, I appreciate all or even just little old you sitting on the other side of this screen. A lot has happened lately. Things I would really like to update you on so you know that I haven't just been out here dillydallying around. So let’s get started.

It’s been so long since I've talked to you all that I literally only have 4 more months back home until I drive up for my final summer in NY. But since I have been home, I was living alone in one of the houses that my parents owned and were renting out to me. But I was never home and one of my closest friends wanted me to move in with her and her boyfriend. So I did, I met a pretty cool guy named Jay that was her neighbor and we would sit on the back porch almost every night and smoke together. It was definitely nice to have someone to talk to and build a friendship with. I also started to party a little too much to try to keep up with all of my friends, even though I would much rather be sober to be able to drive my car and smoke a cigarette. Instead of drinking so much that I called Jvans a half of a dozen times to tell him how much he hurt me before I went to boot camp. (uh, rough). Still working on the food truck, coaching my nieces soccer team with Claire, and still trying to figure out what the fuck it is that I would like to start pursuing in life to actually get this thing up and running’.

Things were going pretty good, but I realized just how much I think I hate having roommates. Because when you move into a house or apartment or whatever it is, with your best friend and her NEW boyfriend- they want their space. They started to not want to hangout with anyone. Isolating themselves because of their own insecurities. While still (I believe unknowingly) taking advantage of me and how much I would do for them because I supported them each and every way I possibly could. By the end of me living there, I had started talking to Alberto, who is also now my new roommate (literally). Not gonna lie, things have not been easy dating him the past few months. But just like anything good in life, it takes hard work. Berto is amazing, but just like any real person in this world, he has his problems. We have days where we fight, days where we love, days where we just don’t talk- but still know that the other person is always there if we need anything. We plan on moving to California hopefully within a year or so and have started to save up for it. Living together hasn't been easy (especially because we are still kinda new) But we are taking it day by day and not rushing into anything crazy right now. Because we are both gonna live for a very long time, and honestly... I know for damn sure that I am going to be spending a very very large portion of my life with him by my side if not all of it. So hurting all those times, crying into my pillow, or screaming at my steering wheel, being self conscious in public while I'm by myself and I was around couples... all of those times where worth it. Because I’m walking outta of the dating game with the biggest prize of them all. (A while back I wrote about a boy named David Bell, and how he is super busy so he would never have time to read my blog posts- I want to correct myself by saying that if a person doesn't have time to pay attention to the little things that you love- don’t. waste. your. time. babygirl.// Oh, and lemme tell you that David Bell did in fact. waste. my. time. thanks for the lesson though buddy :) Because Beto, I love the fuck outta you big boi. And that, my friend... that is never going to change.

I have experimented with psychedelic's and started to understand myself a little more, I believe. Been studying wicca, working real real hard on my art, and smoking a lot to keep from trying to rush through life. (Progress, ya know?)

In the past few months I have met a lot of new people, some that I am super super happy came into my life, some that I feel like I could have went my whole life without knowing, and some that I know life would be hard to live without. I started to work at a restaurant until 2 days in when I had an epiphany that just because I have always worked in the food business- doesn't mean that I have to do that my whole life. And that no, I might have not been dealt with great cards. I may have just skimmed through to get my diploma and never applied to colleges. While I may not have had parents to help me out financially or the determination to do it on my own until now. But just because the past is definite, doesn't mean the future is. Make it your own. Make it different. (damn I sound like a Disney ad) But honestly, that’s all you can really do. I wake up now with a promise of hope to myself that everyday I will practice my arts and passions. To create my life as an artist, as a flexible, free, billowing soul. Held back with no restraints and ready to take on the world. Take your dreams seriously and get back up. You only have so much time left here before you don't get to dream anymore.

The world is such a hard place. With so many bad people in it. People that drain you, that make you feel worthless. With times that are going to literally suck the life out of you. But because the world is a hard place, it just means you have to work 10x harder to get to where you want to go. That means that I quit that expediting job and hired myself. Taking 4-5 hours a day instead of picking up extra money, I am investing on myself and dreams to finally try to get this fucked up life back on track. I am always going to have a job on Poppy’s (as long as I keep a good attitude) as long as it exists that is. So I might as well take the cards that I was dealt with and use them well. I am going to make it out there, I have to.

Now, I’m not using all of these experiences and excuses but as you can see, I have been a little preoccupied. And yes, there have been a lot of times lately where there is no one in this entire world that I would like to talk to other than to sit down and talk to you guys one on one. But just haven't had the strength, courage, will, or power to do so because I have just been so. fucking. broken...

But I’m here now, and that's what matters. Struggling together like real adults. And as a growing, passion filled, beautiful, young adult with stars in her eyes, a crazy ongoing life, and enough love in her to keep the world runnin’ I encourage you to never. not once. give up on becoming the person that you are meant to become because your energy was strong enough to be created, and your dumb to think that death is even slightly equivalent to the strength it would take to kill your soul. I know what you are. And With that being said, I hope you all take this and stride. Contributing to making our home (earth) a better place, sharing your experiences, stories, and love with everyone you get the chance to help, and taking all these dumb dog food problems like a champ, getting back out there to get your prize, insistently trying to prosper on your own and killin’ it all with your bad self

Till Next Time

-Jance

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alekakers · 5 years

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The Story So Far (or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Existential Dread)

- 32-

When I was a kid I thought of thirty-two as this incredibly significant age. For whatever reason I viewed it as the epitome of reaching adulthood. Of course as a child I thought of everyone older than me as an adult. You know that weird skewed perspective thing, when you recall memories from childhood and even high school kids looked like grown ups. But in my head thirty-two was a mythical age that solidified your status as an adult. An age that once reached meant you were no longer a young man/woman, but a full fledged adult-y adult.

Now as I sit here looking back on thirty-two years of life I can say I had no idea how my perspective on age and life would change over the next couple decades. But in some strange way I wasn’t completely wrong either. I had wanted to do this kinda thing when I turned 30 but that was a chaotic time so I never got around to it. So now with two more years behind me, here is a reflection on a simple life and what I’ve learned from it. Let’s start at the beginning...

- Born On The Bayou -

I was born in the early afternoon in Nassau Bay, Texas. I grew up on the same 25 acre ranch my mom was raised on. 30 minutes outside of Houston, 20 minutes from the Gulf of Mexico, and 10 minutes from the Johnson NASA Space Center where my grandparents were instrumental in the Apollo and space shuttle programs. My grandfather was an Oklahoma farm boy that crossed the Mississippi in a covered wagon who ended up putting men on the moon. My grandmother came from New England and was breaking ground in the country’s fledgling space program when she fell in love with a cowboy rocket scientist and brought my mom into the world. Unfortunately they died when my mom was in college. I wish I could have met them.

My dad grew up in a sleepy suburb outside Portland, Oregon. His mother was an eccentric, loving, and strong-willed woman. It was her grandfather, Aleksander Justice, that I’m named after. A wolgadeutsche immigrant, he moved to America to start a new life for himself and his family. My grandmother was harshly old-fashioned to say the least, but she loved me and my sister with all her heart and was in our lives more than any other extended family member. Her passing a few years ago wrecked me more than I thought it would.

My father’s father was an orphan adopted and raised by his Uncle. As an angsty youth he enlisted in the navy to avoid jail time, served as a frogman in Vietnam, worked as a motorcycle cop for decades to support three kids, helped raise my cousin after my aunt got divorced, and was a volunteer firefighter and loving grandfather and great grandfather when he passed a couple years back. He was and will always be the prime example of the man I judge myself against. I miss him a lot.

- Beans and Cornbread -

My parents met in college and were soon after married and the proud parent’s of a baby boy. My dad was serving in the navy when both I and then my sister, Erin, were born. After his tour of duty my parents moved to the property in Texas that was left to my mom and my uncle. Despite being crazy young, dirt poor, and perhaps in retrospect being wildly unprepared to raise a family, my parents managed to keep us fed and clothed and sheltered. Most importantly they instilled in us the values and morals I still hold dear. Treat others with kindness. Be grateful for what you have. Work hard, try your best, and never give up no matter what life throws at you. In some ways I’m grateful for my modest upbringing and the appreciation it gave me for the little things in life.

Even though my friends lived in nice suburbs while I lived in a run down ranch house, even though they had nintendos and nerf guns while I had cheap plastic toys, even though we ate on a shoe string budget and couldn’t go on fancy vacations, even through the emotional trauma of it all, I still look back on my childhood fondly. I am eternally grateful for those years. Wandering around the pasture. Erin and I letting our imaginations run wild. Going to cub scouts every week. Making our own fun roaming around the church after hours while our mom was there to do whatever she was there to do. My parents scraping every penny to make holidays and birthdays special. I wouldn’t trade all the dinners of beans and cornbread for anything else. I’ll always be a humble country boy at heart.

- Misty Mountain Hop -

Three months after my 11th birthday we packed up the house, loaded the moving truck, and drove half way across the country to start a new life in Washington. My dad had been unemployed for a while and ended up finding a job with the boy scouts in Everett. It would give our family a modicum of economic security and put us closer to my dad’s family in Oregon. It was a jolting transition to say the least. Shortly after we moved puberty hit like a ton of bricks. My early childhood was firmly left in Texas and my teenage years made their angsty debut in Washington.

We moved into a quiet suburb 30 minutes north of Seattle and for the first time our family had a level of comfort we had never had. We could afford name brand cereal! But simultaneously my father’s anger issues were coming to a boiling point. Also my sister and I were diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. It was a very tumultuous time. My defense mechanism was to retreat, and I became terribly introverted and detached, retreating into music and video games. My sister went the opposite direction and became a loud, boisterous spit-fire, finding herself at home in the world of theater. I think we both already had the predilections for these respective personality traits, but the dissonance in the family only exaggerated them.

After a few years we moved into another house around the block. It was around this time that my father’s temper finally became too much and he started seeking help to work through some things. It took some time but I can’t stress enough how much of a different person he was after that. Night and day. I was in high school at this point and it was also around this time that I started to become disillusioned with the status quo of society. The modern school system seemed pointless, I started smoking weed, and music became the end all be all of my existence. It still is. Music is life! I dropped out of high school and decided to live the life I wanted to live.

Throughout my teenage years I played in different bands, experimented with all kinds of drugs, met and broke up with my first true love, entered the work force, and started the slow painful transition from adolescence to adulthood. It was a wild time! While part of me wishes I had stuck out high school, I have never regretted the choices I made. I saw that so much of the reality around me was a construct of our culture and I sought to push the boundaries of that reality. And I’m glad I did. I learned lessons the hard way, on my terms. I saw past so many lies and illusions and fallacies of how we’re expected to live our lives and perceive the world. I created my own world of truths and morals instead of blindly accepting the ones being pushed on me. It was an incredibly eye-opening and freeing time in my life and I credit those experiences for a lot of the wisdom and knowledge that I’ve absorbed.

*Disclaimer: I am grateful that I came out of that time in my life relatively unscathed. I know/knew many people that couldn’t claim themselves so lucky. It takes an incredibly strong will to toe the line and step back without going over the edge. Even though I wouldn’t change a moment of it, I wouldn’t recommend the life I led to anyone.

- Retreat and Rebirth -

After the last band I was in during those days broke up, our collective friend groups started to dissipate. As the realities of adult life started to pull from different directions most people rose to the occasion. I did not. Burnt out from the crazy ride and being overwhelmed by life I retreated to a world of isolation. A little solitude is healthy. I consider myself an outgoing introvert (A term a like a lot). But I took it too far. Unemployed for three years. Letting many friendships dwindle and slip away. Spending my days doing nothing but smoking weed and playing video games. It was unhealthy and I didn’t know how to change. Then the universe decided it was time. Just after my 22nd birthday I finally cut ties with a very close but deceptively toxic friend. After smoking half a pack a day since I was 16 I decided to quit. And I decided to take a break from smoking weed. Then to top it all off my childhood dog that I had had for 14 years died. To this day that remains the most transformational time in my life.

I spent that spring and summer reconnecting with myself and what was important in life. Taking care of my diabetes. Eating healthier. Gardening. I leaned into making mixtapes like never before. It is still my main hobby. Musica es vida! I had what I can only describe as a spiritual awaking. Come fall I was smoking weed again but with a renewed respect for the plant. I had a job doing something I had unexpectedly developed a passion for, cooking. And I found myself coming out of my social isolation. It was like I ended a three year hiatus from the world. I still think of my life in terms of before that time and after.

Then three years after I hit the reset button on life I was ready for another change. I was 25 and the inexorable march of time wasn’t stopping. So I finally moved out of my parent’s house. No shame! Science says that adolescence in modern humans lasts into our early twenties. And I was definitely still weening out of my teenage years at that age and was lucky to have such amazing supportive parents. It wasn’t until 24/25 that the existential dread of life started to set in and I thought, shit I gotta get outta here. December 2012, the apocalypse didn’t happen, and I moved in with my sister in downtown Seattle. She herself had spent the last few years overcoming her own traumas and wrestling with her own demons, and she helped me step even further outside my comfort zone into the greater world. I am so grateful for the two years we got to live together as fledgling adults.

- She Saved Me -

Just shy of a year living among the sights and sounds of the city, I found myself falling into a dangerous rut. I had been at the same job for three years. Commuting between the suburbs and downtown. Six years since my last relationship. Not much of a social life. And finding escape from the dull routine at the bottom of a bottle. Get up. Go to work. Come home. Get drunk and high and play video games or watch tv. Rinse, repeat. I suddenly found myself back where I was. And again I didn’t know how to break the cycle. Then I met the one person that would change my life in ways I never could have expected. The one person that would rock my world, wake me up to the true possibilities of existence, and become the one person that I could truly never live without.

One fall day I walk into work to see a new face. Olivia was her name. Damn she’s cute, I thought. And I quickly became enamored with her personality. But it would take 6 months of quietly pining for her before I had the courage to try my hand. Then on a fateful day in May we spent a whole day together. Then a whole week together. Then the summer that would change my life forever. We fell madly in love. I stopped drinking like a horse. My heart was opened to another for the first time in many many years. My mind was awakened by a mind I so closely related to. My body was refreshed by the passion I had been so long without. It was another rebirth of the soul, the kind that shook me to my very core. I had almost resigned myself to being alone forever, working a dead end job and drinking the nights away. Then she saved me. She remains my best friend, my rock, and my favorite person in the whole world.

- My Place -

Invigorated and encouraged, I found a new job. A slight step up in the culinary sense. Challenging yet rewarding. Olivia moved in with us. Then a few months later we got our own place in north Seattle. Shortly after we got a pupper. It was an incredible time. Feeling truly independent and self-supportive for the first time. Developing an amazing relationship with the person that I quickly realized I could spent the rest of my life with. This was the first time in my life I could attest to feeling the slightest bit like an adult. Of course I had realized long ago that you never really feel like an adult. You don’t just wake up one day like a switch was flipped and go, oh I’ve got it now. Life is a constant journey of growth and learning. We’re all just faking it till we make it.

But this was the first time in my life where I felt like, ah okay this is it, this is life, this is being an adult. Waking up every day, doing your best to navigate life, and constantly trying to figure out what it means to be you, what's important to you. Then life set up to deliver another wave of challenges to overcome. It was around this time that my family experienced a huge upheaval. We almost lost someone very close to us and it rattled me to my core. Then my boss was involved in a car accident and as his assistant I was suddenly interim kitchen manager. A couple months later the owner was impressed enough to make it official and I toke my first salaried job.

I relished the opportunity and strove to run that kitchen the absolute best I could. I went above and beyond. I poured everything I had into it. I learned so much about the restaurant game, management, cooking, and above all about myself. It was an intense period of personal growth. At the same I was coming into my own as a leader and a cook, I was also dealing with multiple family tragedies. And as much as I loved the work, the restaurant, and the owners, the stress of the job started taking its toll. Salary is a double edged sword in any industry, but especially in food service. If you know you know. I was doing my best to soldier on but I got to a point where enough was enough. I had come into some money and decided to take some time off. I left on good terms and will never forget the lessons I learned and the people I met.

- Intermission -

I had just turned 30. I had spent the last two years running myself ragged as the kitchen manager of a bustling Seattle restaurant. I put my blood, sweat and tears into that place. It was time for a break. I invested most of the money I inherited, and then set enough aside to to take some time to live life again. I rested. I remembered how to not be anxious every waking moment. Olivia and I went on a cross country road trip to see the national parks and visit my home town in Texas. I proposed. She said yes! It was so incredibly cathartic and needed. I am still grateful I had the opportunity to take the time I needed to reset.

Later that year it was time to go back to work. I ended up back at the little place in the burbs where I started my journey. I was happy to take the lessons I learned and come back as kitchen manager. It was just what I needed to ease back into the industry. The perfect place to put into practice my new found appreciation for work life balance. Meant to be a temporary step, as soon as I did all I was able to do to help them right the ship, it was time to move on. My father in law put me in touch with the chef he worked with and he brought me on board. It was a significant step up in the culinary scene, and I’ve been tapped to take over for the sous chef.

- And Now For Something Completely Different -

Now here I am. 32 years old. That mythical age I held in random esteem when I was a kid. Looking back on my life and thinking about what I’ve learned along the way. Even though I still struggle with my less savory qualities - I fear change and the unknown. I’m scared of success. I suffer from impostor syndrome and doubt my own strengths. I avoid confrontation. - I’m working on it. For the most part I love who I am. I’m proud of the person I’ve become. But it took a time. And work. I made peace with childhood traumas. I fought through pain, did some serious introspection and soul-searching, and came out the other side a better person for it. I looked inside myself to find the strength to overcome my demons. I think it’s inside all of us. Some people attribute it to a higher power. Some people find peace and comfort in the company of others. Whatever it takes, we’re all capable of making changes for the better.

If there is one thing life has taught me it’s that we are never done learning. We never stop growing. We never “figure it out”. We’re constantly being tested by the realities of life and doing our best to rise to the occasion. At 32 I may be an adult by most standards, but I’m still sorting out what that even means, what my purpose in life is, and waking up every day just trying to be the best me I can be. That’s life. And I’m grateful for the safety and security that gives me the luxury of musing on such ephemeral topics. I’m grateful for every day I wake up and get another whack at this crazy thing called living. I’m grateful I got to exist at all. I don’t spend much time these days waxing on the countless possibilities of the what’s and why’s of reality. At the end of day it’s a mute point. My consciousness still inhabits this physical body in this physical realm, and if I wanna keep seeing how far I can take it I have to play by its rules. Even if I occasionally see how far I can bend them. Whatever comes next, whatever is beyond the great void, my reality exists in the here and now. I’ve come to terms (for the most part;) with my mortality and the existential dread. It reminds me that its up to myself to find purpose in life. So I try to live in the present, to work on my shortcomings, make the best of every day, and treat others how I would want to be treated.

As I stare down the barrel of the “best years” of my life, I am hopeful and optimistic about the future. If not for the world at large (jury’s still out on that one) than at least for my ability to navigate it and make the best of it for myself and others. I'm engaged to my best friend, I'm in a kick ass band making music with some of my oldest friends, and I've got a job that I'm incredibly excited about. Lao Tzu said, “If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future.” Wise words. But at the same time I think its important to remember where we came from and retain the lessons we’ve learned along the way. As well as looking to the future so that we may live with purpose. I think living is a delicate balance of keeping in mind all that was, all that is, and all that may be. And we’re all just doing our best to find the balance. Do whatever makes you happy as long as it doesn’t hurt others. Try to leave the world a better place for those that come after. Be nice and work hard. Love yourself so that you can love others. Namaste!

- Alek

TL;DR - I just turned 32. Life is crazy. Be nice and work hard. Love yourself and love others. Do your best. Namaste!

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you-a-southpaw-doll · 5 years

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His Jacket and Dog Tags ~ A John Winchester AU One-Shot

Summary: Several years after losing his wife, Mary, John Winchester decides that he’s finally ready to take the next step with his current girl, the reader, and he gives her his dog tags in a discreet way.

Warning(s): Fluff. Mentions of death. Flirting. John’s soft side showing. :)

Word Count: 1,562.

Author’s Note(s):

So, I originally wrote this story for one of my other blogs, and for my best friend ‘bout a year and a half ago or so. But, earlier today, I got the idea of John Winchester being a teacher instead of a hunter, and giving his girl his set of dog tags from his time as a Marine, and I remembered that I’d written this a while back. With my best friend’s permission, I changed a few things from the original story to make it fit for John.

Also, for those of you who don’t know, when in a relationship with someone in the military, if it’s serious ‘nough, the military person will give their significant other their spare set of dog tags. This is an important step in the relationship, and has a lot of meaning behind such a small action.

Relationship(s): John Winchester x Reader.

Characters: John Winchester. Reader. Brief mentions of Sam, Dean, and Mary.

Taglist: @negans-network @prettyboynegan @thamberlina @mychemicalimagines

Story Time:

Reader’s POV:

You look ‘round the room. There are no students in here yet. You walk up behind him and wrap your arms ‘round him as much as you can. He’s quite muscular and just a big boy in general so you’re unable to wrap your arms ‘round him all the way.

That doesn’t bother you too much, though, because he’s your big boy. Also, since he’s just a few inches taller than you, at 6’2”, you can rest your head against his shoulder blade as you hug him. You know this is something he loves you doing, just as much as you love doing it.

He stops what he’s doing and slowly turns ‘round in your arms. He checks the room quickly before he looks at you as he wraps his arms ‘round you in a bear hug.

“You ok, sweetheart?” He asks you quietly.

You just nod your head and hug him tighter. “Yea. I’ve just missed you like crazy.”

He lets out that adorable little giggle you love and hugs you closer to his warm body. He only lets that giggle out when he’s with you. When he’s not with you, he has to be this tough, badass. But, with you, he can finally relax and let his soft side show.

People think he’s a hardass, and a harsh parent to his little boys, Dean and Sam, but you know he’s doing the best he can. ‘Specially as a single father. He lost his wife, Mary, several years ago in a freak house fire when Sam, his youngest son, was just an infant.

Now, the boys are both a little older, and John’s started to finally move on. He’s mentioned to you that you’re the first person he’s let himself, and the boys, get close to since Mary’s unfortunate death. He rests his head against yours as much as can considering you’re just three inches shorter than him.

“I’ve missed you too.” He murmurs.

He pulls away far too soon for your liking. You let out a little grumble in protest. He just chuckles. You realize why he pulled away when you hear a thump behind you and realize that a student is in the room. You look back at your partner in crime; he’s finishing what he was doing before you hugged him.

You sit on the corner of his desk and watch as he takes his dark green jacket off slowly. He places it on the back of his chair. He places his leather satchel under his desk, and plops down in his chair. He looks up at you sitting on his desk. He just raises an eyebrow and lets out a chuckle.

You’ve been doing this since you were a student of his a couple years ago. Now that you’ve graduated and gone off to college, you still sit on the edge of his desk whenever you come to visit him. Y’all have been friends for years, and since Mary passed away and you graduated, you and John have gotten closer.

You’re not quite dating, but yet, everyone already thinks y’all are together. Plus, things keep moving in the direction leading to you both dating. You can tell he’s got feelings for you, even if he’s not the best at showing ‘em. And, you definitely have feelings for the older man.

He’s only in his late 30s, and you’re in your early 20s, so the age difference ain’t that much. You’ve had feelings for him since you met him for the first seven years ago, when you sat down in his class for the first time. And, it’s an added bonus that his sons adore the bejesus outta you.

A slight noise at the classroom door draws your attention away from John. You look and see the teacher that always makes coffee peek his head in the doorway to tell you that it’s ready. You and your man both laugh. You grab his coffee mug and yours off his desk and hop down.

You run over, get some coffee, thank the teacher for it, and go back to your man. You know he’s not officially your man, but he might as well be. Just like you might as well be his girl. You place his coffee on his desk in front of him. He gives you that adorable little grin that you love – the only that shows off his dimples underneath his raven black scruff – and thanks you as he picks it up and takes a sip.

Before he has to start teaching, he tells you that if you get cold, you are more than welcome to wear his jacket.

You giggle. “Thanks. Even though we both know I’d steal it anyway.”

He laughs a deep-bellied laugh. “True. There is that.”

He starts teaching and you just sit in his comfy chair at his desk, watching him do his thing. About halfway through his first period, you start to get a little chilly. You reach behind you, grab his jacket, and slip it on. It’s a bit bigger than you so you wrap it tight ‘round you.

You take a deep breath in and get hit with a burst of his smell. That scent of pure man and pure John – musky, woodsy, and a hint of tobacco from the cigarettes he sneaks to smoke. You grin like a fool and burrow deeper into his jacket. You catch him peeking at you as he teaches about history to the class full of teenage, high school students.

He shakes his head as he walks over to the open window in his room. He knows you too well. Just like you know him too well. He closes the one window that seems to be open just a wee bit too far for a normal window in a high school classroom to open.

The window, when it’s open, is just big ‘nough for someone to sneak in, or out of. It just so happened to be how you snuck into John’s room to surprise him today. He knows that’s how you get in sometimes, so he doesn’t close the window unless he has to, on the off chance that you decide to sneak in.

Since you’re already in his classroom, he has no issues with closing it today as he keeps talking and teaching. Closing this special, unfixed window, he gives you a wink since none of the students can see him ‘cause he’s standing behind ‘em all.

You blush and wiggle your eyebrows. He tries really hard not to smile but fails. These little flirty actions are nothing new to the both of y’all. In fact, this is normal whenever you come to visit. He goes through the class and teaches ‘em till the bell rings.

As the kids start packing up, you reach in the right pocket of the jacket. You already know that he keeps his keys in the left pocket so you don’t look there. Sometimes, he has a tiny chocolate bar in his jacket pocket. If he knows you’re coming, he’ll definitely have the little snack in the pocket, just waiting for you to eat it.

Since he didn’t know you were coming today, he may not have put your favorite chocolate in his pocket. When you reach into his pocket, you don’t find a candy bar. Instead, you find something cold, small, and on a chain. You pull the object out and notice that it’s a pair of dog tags.

You look at the inscription on ‘em and notice that they belong to the man you love, the owner of the jacket you’re wearing. When he was younger, he’d done a stint in the United States Marine Corps. You run your fingers over the slightly raised letters in the thin metal.

You’re so focused on them that you don’t notice that he’s come to stand beside you.

“I was hopin’ you’d find ‘em.” He murmurs, softly.

You jerk your head up, almost dropping his dog tags. You tuck ‘em the pocket again.

“I’m sorry. I was looking for a candy bar.” You say.

He lets out that giggle of his that has you melting in his chair. He leans against his desk.

“I figured you’d look there for a candy bar. That’s why I put those there. I didn’t know when you’d be by to visit again, doll, so I’ve had ‘em in there since our last visit a couple months ago. I was really hopin’ you’d find ‘em.” He says. “You can take ‘em back out.”

You do and look at ‘em again. You look up at him, holding his dog tags between your fingers.

“Why were you hopin’ I’d find ‘em?” You ask, curious.

He blushes. “So…I could give ‘em to you.”

His statement catches you off guard and you ask him to repeat what he just said ‘cause you think you heard him wrong.

“I want you to have ‘em.” He repeats, looking down at his hands.

He lifts his head up slowly, and looks at you waiting for your response.

“Are you sayin’ - or really askin’ - what I think you are based on what givin’ me these means?” You ask, as you hold his dog tags up.

He nods, smirking. “I want you to be my girl. That’s why I’m givin’ ‘em to you, sweetheart. Plus, I want you to have ‘em.”

You let out a little squeal, check the room quickly, notice that no-one else in the room, jump up out of his chair, and fling your arms ‘round his neck and kiss his cheek. You pull back after a quick moment. He’s blushing, smiling that adorable smile, and giggles.

His chocolate brown eyes twinkle with amusement and happiness, along with an emotion you could swear is love. You slip his dog tags over your head and let them hang from your neck. He watches where they fall against your chest, and smiles bigger.

He brings his gaze up to yours.

“Does this mean…?” He starts to ask.

You nod happily. “Yes, you little nerd. I’ll be your girl.”

#His Jacket and Dog Tags #One-Shot #AU #Teacher!John Winchester #John Winchester x Reader #John Winchester Fluff #John Winchester #Jeffrey Dean Morgan Fluff #JDM Fluff #Jeffrey Dean Morgan #JDM #Supernatural AU #Supernatural Fluff #Supernatural #Dean Winchester #Sam Winchester #Mary Winchester

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askjaaryl · 5 years

Text

Episode #002: “Emotional Problems”

Paul talks to Maggie...and then Alex. Relationships take two steps forward and one step back.

Paul slipped out of his bedroom, wincing slightly as he did. He couldn’t cook very much, but the least he could do was make some coffee for the boys when they woke up to start the day. He smiled softly when he saw the two curled up on the pull-out couch together, under a blanket, with Dog sleeping on their legs.

“Hey, buddy,” Paul said softly, “Wanna go outside and run?” he asked him.

Dog jumped up at the mention of the word outside and ran towards the door.

Paul opened the door to let him out and waited for a moment, deciding if he should keep the door open or not. Dog could easily scratch on the door when he wanted inside, but it would be easier if he could run back inside on his own, especially if he was in the shower, since that took a lot longer with his injuries.

He decided to leave the door open, since the chill of the air wasn’t too bad this morning, and watched Dog run out.

He walked over to the coffee maker and started it. When he lifted his arm, he felt the familiar twinge of pain in his chest and he took a shaky breath, leaning back and wincing. He had pain pills, but he wanted to save them in case someone else needed them.

He waited to make sure the old coffee maker actually worked before he hobbled over to his room and grabbed a small box from under his bed and a lighter from his bedside table, going out to the porch and closing the door behind him.

Paul sat down slowly on the chair Daryl usually used when he was smoking, since Paul wouldn’t let him smoke in the trailer. He lit up the joint, just as Maggie walker over.

“It’s eight in the mornin’, Paul,” she sighed.

Paul just shrugged, wincing as he did.

“How are you feelin’?” she asked.

“Fine,” Paul said simply, “Alex stitched me up.”

“He say anything to you?” Maggie demanded immediately.

“No,” Paul said quietly and sighed, “How’s the family today?”

“They’re all still asleep,” Maggie shrugged, “I figured I’d let ‘em sleep in after everything. War takes a lot outta you,” she joked weakly, “Glenn’s been sleepin’ a lot more. Alex says it’s normal, with the injuries he’s faced, but I’m seekin’ a second opinion from the Commonwealth.”

Paul nodded, “Sounds good,” he said quietly.

Maggie glanced at the door, “How’s it goin’ with those two?”

Paul laughed weakly, “They’re fine. I’m just getting a little tired of playing third wheel.”

“They together?” Maggie asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m assuming,” Paul sighed, putting his head back, “You don’t just make out with someone you don’t at least have feelings for...well, most people don’t,” he smirked slightly, “Aaron and Daryl don’t seem like the type.”

Maggie stared at him for a moment before sighing, “Okay,” she said, leaning on the side of the porch, “What’s up? You’re upset, I can tell.”

Paul pursed his lips and sighed, taking a long drag. He looked up and blew the smoke out, but kept his head back when he was done, “Can I confess something?”

“Always,” Maggie told him.

“I’m absolutely terrified of being alone again,” Paul sighed, refusing to meet her eyes, “I’d never tell anyone this but you...not even Glenn,” he took a shaky breath, “I’ve been alone while surrounded by people my entire life. And I know I have you, Glenn, and Enid...but it’s not the same,” he whispered, feeling his eyes sting a little, “It’s not like what I feel for the both of them.”

“Have you told them?” Maggie asked.

“Oh yeah, just let me tell my friends who are a couple that I have feelings for the both of them,” Paul snorted. He smiled when Dog ran up on the porch and got up, wincing slightly as he did, opening the door to let him in.

“You should get back in bed,” Maggie told him, “You need to be on bedrest and I don’t wanna hear Alex coming to complain to me.

Paul sighed, “I know,” he winced.

“Take your pain meds,” Maggie sighed, “And...think about tellin’ them how you feel. You know they won’t mind,” she said before walking away.

Paul sighed, putting out the joint and tucking it into the box again. Before he could get inside though, another familiar voice interrupted him.

“Paul,” Alex called, walking up to his trailer, “I wanted to make sure you were taking your medication.”

“Yes,” Paul snapped.

Alex squinted at him, “Are you high?”

“No,” Paul sighed, crossing his arms.

“Don’t do that, it pulls on your stitches,” Alex sighed as well. He walked up the steps and held out a plastic bag, “Ginger. Put it in your tea, it’ll help with joint pain if you get stiff.”

“Thanks,” Paul said quietly, taking the bag.

“You should be taking your pain meds,” Alex said again.

“You should keep your nose out of my business,” Paul mumbled, “We aren’t together anymore. I’m not your business anymore.”

“You’re my patient.”

“Then let’s keep it professional.”

Alex sighed again, scrubbing a frustrated hand through his hair, “So that’s just...it? We’re over?”

“I think I’ve made that abundantly clear,” Paul mumbled, looking down at the bag and picking at it awkwardly, “If you want me to see someone else, I’ll stay in Alexandria through the rest of my recovery.”

“No, Paul, just…” Alex trailed off and let out a frustrated noise, “I don’t understand what you want here.”

“I don’t want anything from you!” Paul said quickly, “Why can’t you just get that I don’t...feel the same way about you now? You fucked up, not me!”

“I was drunk!” Alex yelled, “Give me a break! We’re both smart people, Paul, we know that’s not why!”

“Oh, please, enlighten me on the real reason,” Paul scoffed.

“Because of them!” Alex gestured to the house, “You have feelings for them both and don’t lie to me about it!”

Paul stayed silent and swallowed, “So what if I do?”

“They’re together, nothing is ever going to come of it,” Alex snapped, “So just accept it. There’s no need to be a homewrecker over this.”

“What the fuck did you just call me?” Paul demanded.

“What’s goin’ on out here?” Daryl finally demanded, swinging open the door.

“Sorry I woke you,” Paul mumbled.

“Coffee smell woke me, not you,” Daryl snapped, not taking his eyes off of Alex, “Then I heard a dumbass out here yellin’, figured I’d come to investigate.”

Dog’s head peered out the door, always close behind him.

Alex left pretty quick after that, not looking for a second break in his nose. He was kind of dumb, Paul thought, but he knew better than to cross someone who wouldn’t put up with his shit.

“Ya smell like weed,” Daryl deadpanned.

Paul just shrugged.

“You high?” Daryl asked, staring at him.

“No, just smoked enough to take the edge off,” Paul whispered, “I woke up and my chest hurt more than usual.”

“Take your pain meds, Paul,” Daryl said quietly, opening the door wide enough, gesturing for him to come inside, “And get your ass inside, it’s cold.”

Paul just rolled his eyes and walked back in.

Paul sat in his room, his back against the wall and his eyes closed as he leaned his head back. He didn’t like pain meds. These ones didn’t make him drowsy or anything, he just...never liked them. He came from parents who were both heavy addicts, though he’d never tell anyone that. They were the reason he ended up in the home, after he was taken away from them.

Paul always told the counselors at the shelter that they were the reason for his “emotional connection problem,” since they never showed any interest in caring for him.

Ron and Ann Monroe, A+ parents.

Paul wondered if they were still out there somewhere, sometimes.

Then he remembered he didn’t care.

A knock on the door pulled him out of his train of thought. He quickly marked the page of his book that he’d been stuck on for the better part of the hour and sat it on his bedside table before walking over to the door. He smiled slightly when he saw Aaron, “Yeah?”

“Uh...just wanted to check on you and bring you some tea,” Aaron said, holding up the cup, “Daryl said you finally took your meds.”

“Yeah, he pestered me long enough,” Paul said, taking the cup and setting it on his dresser beside the door, “Thank you.”

“He also said Alex stopped by,” Aaron pursed his lips, “And that he heard somethings.”

“He isn’t my keeper, he doesn’t need to worry about me,” Paul said and sighed, “That goes for both of you. I don’t need someone to baby me, Aaron, I’ve been on my own all my life.”

“Paul,” Aaron said, sounding genuinely frustrated for the first time since Paul met him, “You don’t have to be alone anymore. We’re here...we’re staying in Hilltop, we’re not going anywhere.”

“Really?” Paul asked quietly, shuffling his feet.

“Well, yeah,” Aaron explained, “There’s already people living in my old house, since I moved out and Daryl can’t live in Alexandria with him there, as much as he’d like to be closer to Rick. He just...doesn’t deal well there. We’ve tried, it’s just not happening.”

“Oh,” Paul mumbled, not saying anything.

“Hey,” Aaron said, making him look up at the tone of voice, “No one is babying you. Daryl and I...we’re so happy to see you just alive and breathing. Sorry if it seems like we’re hovering, but...we really thought we lost you for a minute there. A-And we can’t...we can’t lose someone else, especially you, Paul.”

Paul felt his eyes sting slightly and he quickly looked away, trying to hide it.

And then Aaron was kissing him.

Aaron was kissing him.

Aaron!

Aaron leaned down to meet his lips and Paul would never admit how easy it was for him to kiss back. He’d wanted this with him for so long..

The door opened and Paul pulled away quickly. He froze for a moment when he saw Daryl and moved away, slamming the door in Aaron’s face.

So maybe he locked himself in his room.

As he said...emotional problems.

#cs;

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lovemesomesurveys · 6 years

Text

Are you fascinated by outer space? : No. Just the thought of it freaks me out. Is there a tree outside your window?: Yeah. Can you ever see the moon from your bedroom window?: I can see some of the sky from my window but not the sun or moon. Do you have a window right by your bed?: No, it’s across from my bed. When was the last time you had sushi?: Eww.

Do you pray regularly?: No, but I need to start.

Do you wish there were more to do online?: I like my Tumblr and surveys. What’s a fun website you recommend? : Tumblr. Do you shop for new clothes each season?: Not so much anymore. Do you answer your phone when it’s a number you don’t recognize?: Nope. Have you ever been to Africa?: No. Do you like spontaneity? : Depends. What are you looking forward to wearing this spring?: We’re in summer now. Is your hair dyed right now? If so, what color is it? : Yes, but it badly needs to be dyed again. I’ve been dying it red since 2015. Do you look up your symptoms online whenever you have a problem? : Yes, which is always a mistake. Do you shop at Goodwill?: No. Do you donate things to Goodwill a lot?: No. Does your place have a lot of clutter?: Yes. Do you eat enough fruits and vegetables? : Not even close. I couldn’t tell you the last time I had either one. :X Do you have dreams that you’re not giving up on? : No. Do you believe in yourself even when no one else does? : I don’t believe in myself. Do you have hope for the future?: Sigh. Does God’s grace get you through each day?: That’s why I’m still here. That, and my family. What motivates you?: Nothing. :/ Are you optimistic?: I’m a very pessimistic person. Are you going to wear anything floral this spring? : Spring is over. Do you think your hair looks better up or down? : Down, but I’m always just throwing it up in a pony tail or bun cause I can’t be bothered to do anything else with it. Do you like bare trees or green-leaved trees better? : Fall colored leaved trees. What season would you want to get married in?: Blah. Are you currently wearing anything pink?: There’s a pink breast cancer awareness ribbon my shirt. Do you wear socks that match?: Yes. Do you own a pair of slip-on shoes?: Yes. Do you have a balcony?: No. What does your favorite stuffed animal look like?: Giraffe. Do you collect anything?: Yes. Are you spiritual?: No. What was the last book you read?: I’m reading, Suddenly Forbidden by Ella Fields. Do you have any Christmas decorations still up?: No, but I had them up until like May. lol. Are there any events you are looking forward to soon? : No. Do you love your hometown?: No. Do you dream of decorating a house someday?: Yes. When was the last time you moved to a new house?: Six years ago. What is the most interesting thing in the room you are in?: I think all my giraffe stuffed animals and knickknacks are interesting. On a weekend, how long do you typically lay in bed before getting up?: I always lie in bed for like 30 minutes to an hour everyday before I finally drag myself outta bed to make coffee. How long was your longest relationship?: 3 years if you count the whole Joseph thing. What is your star sign? (ex: Aquarius): Leo. Now what is the star sign of your significant other/crush?: Which cities/states have you lived in? The one I live in now. Tell me about how your parents met. How old were they?: They worked together. My mom was in her early 20s and my dad in his mid 20s. Are you in college? If not, where do you want to go to college and why?: Nope, I graduated in 2015. What makes your bedroom special to you/what is your favorite part about it?: I already answered that when I mentioned my giraffe stuff. When washing your hands, do you wet your hands or put soap on first?: I put soap first. If you had to pick one chore to do today, what would it be?: None. When was the hardest you ever cried? What was the circumstance?: Losing my grandma, grandpa, and my dog, Brandie. When it comes to school, how motivated are you to work?: I was a procrastinator but everything always got done and on time. I also always did well, so even though I’d be super stressed out and kicking myself for waiting last minute and promising myself I won’t do that anymore (I always did), I ended up doing my best work. I never not did an assignment. Do you know any high school sweethearts? How’s life treating them?: Yeah. Where do you usually buy your clothes?: Online these days. Would you rather be fluent in Chinese or Japanese?: Hm. I don’t know. Would you rather meet your soul mate early or date a few people beforehand?: I’d like to find someone and be with that person long-term. I’m almost 30, I’m not interested in dating around. Name me a funny/weird/entertaining YouTube video, please?: Nah. I’ll give you one in return. Look up ‘Have you ever had a dream like this?’ No thanks. Are your fingernails currently short or long?: Barely there. If you had to be a school teacher, which subject would you teach?: I don’t have to be a school teacher, so. When it comes to relationships, are you the jealous type?: I mean, I did get jealous sometimes because of Joseph and things he did but we weren’t actually together. It still hurt, though. And he wouldn’t want me to know about some things like him hooking up his ex a few times, so if he didn’t want to be with me I don’t know why he cared about that. I remember him telling me about one of the time and he felt so guilty about it. What do you usually order at Jamba Juice?: Banana and strawberry smoothie or blueberry acai.

Have you ever been to see Rocky Horror?: Yes. How long have you had your cell phone?: 2 years. Which gift cards do you have in your wallet?: None. Which is the scariest ride you have ever been on in a theme park?: A pirate ship that rocks back and forth and goes all the way around to where you’re looking face down at the ground. That was an AWFUL experience. Which celebrity do you think is the prettiest nowadays?: The cast of Riverdale are all pretty/good looking.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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angelguk · 7 years

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get to know me tag

RULES: ANSWER THESE 88 QUESTIONS (mae you cant call it 92 when it’s 88) AND TAG 20 PEOPLE (mini rant: why do these thing always request 20 people to tag. i dont even know ten people pls let me breathe)

tagged by the literal angel @stormae

tagging: @jseokks / @taeyongbelviso / @floral-misfortune / @angelikidel99 / and who ever wants to do this

THE LAST:

1. DRINK: bitter af lemon tea

2. PHONE CALL: My friend Wanjiru

3. TEXT MESSAGE: there’s no school you think i’ll be outchea at 8

4. SONG YOU LISTENED TO: Don’t Know You by Heize ( i love talent)

5. THE TIME YOU CRIED: like last week wednesday. some shit happened

HAVE YOU:

6. DATED SOMEONE TWICE: nope

7. KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: nope

8. BEEN CHEATED ON: everything here is going to be a no

9. LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: ??? I don’t know

10. BEEN DEPRESSED: yes

11. GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: no nope never i don’t leave the house

TOP 3 FAVORITE COLORS

12. lilac

13. rose gold

14. dusty pink (or millennial pink if you must)

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. MADE NEW FRIENDS: I have which is a YAY

16. FALLEN OUT OF LOVE: yep

17. LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: All my friends are leaving/ moving to different schools because we finished year 11 now so yes I have. I’ve made so much memories with those uglies I’m going to miss them

18. FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: nah

19. MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: ? I’ve been cooped up in my house so no I guess

20. FOUND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE: lmao that was last year and that whole scenario was a mess

21. KISSED SOMEONE ON YOUR FACEBOOK LIST: no

GENERAL

22. HOW MANY OF YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE: all of them I don’t add people I don’t know

23. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: I had pets!!! Two dogs but we left them in South Africa and two cats but they both passed away :(((

24. DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME: yes (my real name is wack hhh)

25. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOU LAST BIRTHDAY: had a lunch/ dinner thing with my family

26. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP: eight o’ clock

27. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT: finding out tea/gossip i love having late night calls which involve drama

28. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR: my fucking results for IGCSES

29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM: this morning before she left for work

30. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE: my motivation because i’m lazy af and i would love the ability to interact with other people without wanting to literally combust into fucking flames

31. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: High by Jida

32. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO A PERSON NAMED TOM: i have actually never talked to a Tom. there’s no Toms in Africa

33. SOMETHING THAT IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES: personal stuff about my family

LOST QUESTIONS

34. MOLE(S): i have one on my left ear lobe, one on my chin on the right of my face, another on my hip and one on my right wrist

35. MARK(S): none

36. CHILDHOOD DREAM: ironically it was to be a writer, my parents were really busy while i was growing up so i learnt to read so i could amuse myself. i started writing at 8 i think on my dad’s laptop and he was like “wowww!!!1!! that’s so good!” (it was a piece of shit i couldn’t form actual sentences) so yeah there’s that

37. HAIR COLOR: black as midnight (this is how i was writing in the above ^^ story like i introduced a character with the line: her skin was as white as snow)

38. LONG OR SHORT HAIR: short and i might go shorter because i want to big chop it

39. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE: *laughs* what’s a crush

40. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: i’m pretty straight forward (sometimes insensitive i know bUT i can’t be everything pls) so i don’t really lie, when i put effort into something i really do do my absolute best, my work ethic (when im not a lazy bitch)

41. PIERCINGS: just the normal ear ring piercing but i want a double helix and an industrial

42. BLOODTYPE: i really dont know?? not even my mom knows

43. NICKNAME(S): fish (dont ask), fetoes (dont ask), feth (dont ask)

44. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: IM SINGLE AND FREEE

45. ZODIAC: aquarius (i think im more superior to all the other signs and yes im correct aquarians are the best dont @ me)

46. PRONOUNS: she/her

47. FAVORITE TV SHOW: SKAM SKAM SKAM SKAM IM CRYING WHY DID THAT SHOW HAVE TO END I LOWKEY HATE JULIA IM SAD I LOVE SKAM. also skins but i don’t like it as much as skam the only good character is tony and that’s because he’s wild af also effy buts she’s too edgy for me

48. TATTOOS: i have like 3 planned for when i bounce outta my parents house

49. RIGHT OR LEFT HAND: right

50. SURGERY: i have all my bones and organs in perfect condition thanks

51. HAIR DYED A DIFFERENT COLOR: nope

52. SPORT: tennis

53. VACATION: The one time my parents drove us to Durban for a family holiday!! tHE BEST!! i love sharks and beaches. but most of the time we just came back to kenya because my entire family is here. we haven’t gone on a overseas vacation in a while because my parents wanted to show us the wonders of kenyan tourist attractions (masai mara is really awesome i really saw a lion full up and zebras are gorgeous in real life like them stripes and they are thicc af)

54. PAIR OF TRAINERS: nike

MORE GENERAL

55. EATING: haven’t eaten since i woke up probably won’t eat until noon

56. DRINKING: bitter lemon tea

57. I’M ABOUT TO: finish writing a fic i hope i can put up soon. let’s see if my lazy ass cooperates

58. WAITING FOR: RESULTS CAMBRIDGE GIVE ME MY RESULTS

59. WANT: to rewatch skam so i can cry again

60. GET MARRIED: actually no. i was with my new baby cousins the other day and i realized marriage and kids are just not for me

61. CAREER: i want to be a forensic psychologist but i might skip that and do something with international relations so i can work with the UN.

62. HUGS OR KISSES: HUGS (i have this need to constantly hug everyone i know all the damn time because my nursery teacher Jennifer - a truly wonderful woman i still love her to this day - used to hug me all the damn time and it was one of those tight squeezing hugs. by the all the damn time i mean 24/7)

63. LIPS OR EYES: eyes

64. SHORTER OR TALLER: taller (IM SHORT AND I LOVE BEING PICKED UP HHH)

65. OLDER OR YOUNGER: older. talking to people younger than me makes me feel like i have to be responsible example or some shit

66. NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH: both tbh

67. SENSITIVE OR LOUD: loud people because i am quiet and reserved so yeah

68. HOOK UP OR RELATIONSHIP: relationship

69. TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: troublemakers i’m a true stick to the rules person so i need to be shaken up every once in a while

HAVE YOUR EVER:

70. KISSED A STRANGER: nope

71. DRANK HARD LIQUOR: nope

72. LOST GLASSES/CONTACT LENSES: nope

73. TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: yes

74. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE: noo

75. BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART: nope (may be idk sometimes i say shit i really shouldn’t)

76. HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN: depends

77. BEEN ARRESTED: nope

78. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: non

79. FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: nope

(wow look @ my ass i really can’t)

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

80. YOURSELF: *starts laughing really loudly*

81. MIRACLES: i mean miracles? not really?

82. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: attraction? yes. love? no

83. SANTA CLAUS: i figured out santa wasn’t real when i was four okay

84. KISS ON THE FIRST DATE: yes

85. ANGELS: yes! not really angels but rather spirits but if fucking Michelangelo came down from the heavens and visited me i wouldn’t be surprised (i also believe in demons or evil spirits you can’t think one is real without acknowledging the other) (advice: don’t summon/provoke/fuck with spirits they DON’T CARE and they will HARM YOU)

86. CURRENT BEST FRIENDS NAME(S): amy, awrad, maryan and wanjeri (i see you looking wanjeri as of now we’re best friends)

OTHER

87. EYECOLOR: my irises are the tone of deep dark mahogany, with swirls of coffee and chestnut dancing within the infinite sea of brown. flickers of gold catch the sunlight within their grasps and make my eyes glow like firelight orbs. (my eyes r fucking brown)

88. FAVORITE MOVIE: Perks of being a Wallflower (i cry every single damn fucking time) Easy A (best chick flick of this generation) Love, Rosie (this damn movie fucked me up i really didn’t expect that)

#this was long af #thanks mae for tagging me #i really need to leave the house tbh

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blacknihilism-blog1 · 6 years

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1. have you ever been in love?

Yes. Twice.

2. what are your favourite colours and why?

Black/Red. I love Black because it can typically match with any other colors and usually makes for dope color schemes. I also like darker colors more for some reason. I love bright colors as well but I’ve found that I don’t like to wear them too much or get them on items that I use often

3. who was the last person you held hands with?

If I ever hold hands it’s platonic considering I havent been in a relationship in 10 months lol. So probably one of my friends.

4. what is your zodiac sign?

Taurus

5. how many times have you read your favourite book?

Honestly I dont know any books that were so good to me that I read it multiple times. I don’t read as often as I like.

6. what are your favourite films?

I don’t really have a lot of “favorites”. Any time I’m asked for a favorite *blank* my mind draws a blank lol.

7. what kind of weather do you like?

I love rainy weather. I love cold weather. But I don’t like cold rainy weather. At least not if i’m outside.

8. do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

I like sunsets. Although I love to see any transition of the sun whether it be rising or setting, since I love the night time I love to see it go from a beautiful range of colors to darkness rather than a beautiful range of colors into lots of sunshine.

9. what kind of weather represents who you are as a person?

Murky rain. But out in the corner of the sky u can see a huge ray of sunshine.

10. what’s your favourite animal?

I love dogs

11. what is your favourite song right now?

“Get You” by Daniel Caesar

12. what is your favourite song of all time?

Oof what did I say about favorites?

13. do you like sunny days or rainy days better?

I absolutely love rainy days unless I have to do a lot of driving.

14. have you ever been heartbroken?

Yes

15. what does the perfect kiss feel like?

I think the perfect kiss is less about the physical kiss and moreso with the perfect person at the perfect time. As in the kiss that signifies marriage or whatever. I think that’s what the perfect kiss feels like. The realization that with this kiss, you are promising to always love and care for whoever you’re kissing.

16. what is your favourite poem?

17. who are you most inspired by?

I don’t have much inspiration as of right now. In the past it was Childish Gambino but currently I’m just eh.

18. are you spiritual?

I have an appreciation for some spiritual studies and practices but personally I’m not too spiritual.

19. what is your favourite plant?

lmfao weed

20. what is your favourite feeling?

Being in love and content with life.

21. what is your favourite word?

Fuck

22. are you an artist?

I don’t really make any art. I’ve made a few songs and I wanna get into poetry and video making. But I don’t know if my current level of confidence allows me to call myself an artist.

23. what is your favourite flower?

Bud

24. are you happy?

Not genuinely but I have my moments.

25. what are you thinking about right now?

Honestly I’m thinking about someone. I wish I wasn’t just because I don’t like thinking about people who don’t want me in the same way that I want them. All that does is create pain and I rather avoid feeling that confusing feeling that is love. I mean if the love was returned then it’s great but who knows, Maybe it’s better if we aren’t together. We can only let time tell.

26. what emotion do you feel most often?

Confusion/Regret. In my head I’m always trying to avoid conflict/making someone feel any sort of negative emotion. And any time I make a mistake i regret everything. And I’m always feeling confusion because I never know how I can really improve who I am as a person.

27. what is your favourite season?

Winter. I love cold weather. TMI but honestly I sweat too much to be comfortable during any hot season. And I’m a very affectionate person so I cant hug people as much during the summer. During the winter I’m always loving on my friends lol. Plus if you’re in a relationship, those “cold-outside-but-cuddling-inside” days are lovely.

28. are you in a relationship?

No. Honestly outta nowhere like yesterday or two days ago I realized that I had some strong feelings for someone I’m close to and dated in the past. I started talking about if we were dating and I just moved way too fast. I regretted everything i said instantly and just played it off as whatever. In the moments following her telling me that I’m moving too fast I was just snapped back to reality and decided I needed to calm myself down. Looking back I did seem crazy. But it’s been so long since i had any feelings for anybody (to the point that I’d date them) and I just got excited if im going to be real. And I was also sick at the time so I’m just laying in bed picturing me with them and it seemed like we could work really well together. But it’s okay. I’m just gonna take my time. I don’t know whether I should move on or pursue her at a slower pace. So for now I’m just gonna be big chillin.

29. are you an introvert or extrovert?

Introvert. Unless it’s really some people I’m comfortable with I’m pretty timid. Even with out with some of my closest friends I’d rather just be home.

30. do you prefer the moon or the stars?

The stars. There’s this street not too far from my friends house and me and him have driven down it a few times now. When you’re on this street, if you turn off your headlights and look up the sky has very little light pollution and it’s beautiful. The moon is rarely close enough for me to enjoy.

31. what is your favourite scent?

I love the smell of a lot of different foods. But looking back, my favorite smell used to be the perfume that my girlfriend constantly used. I ran into one person who used the same one as her some time after we broke up and for lack of a better term, it triggered lots of memories of her. But I used to love it. Not because the scent was so good, but rather because I was in love with her and everything about her.

32. where do you feel most at home?

In my room. I used to have these black bags over my window which allowed very little light into my room and as I said earlier, I prefer darkness. But I took those down recently as a metaphorical enlightenment and symbol for how my life was headed in a brighter, more positive direction. It sort of works, but mainly I love my room because at night time I’m never bothered. And it seems like a safe space. At 2 a.m. in my room, I’m alone. My parents won’t call me for random tasks, teachers can’t pester me about random assignments, and I can just do whatever I want.

33. what scares you the most?

Honestly the last time i was seriously afraid of something, I was afraid that I had caused some major damage to someone I trust and love. So I’m terrified of hurting other people. I’ve seen so many people be hurt by so many things. I never want to see myself become the source of someone’s terror.

34. do you believe in soulmates?

God knows I do. But honestly something about soulmates that I always question is the setting of a pair of soulmate’s birth. For example, what if you weren’t born in the same location and/or time period as your soulmate. If it’s just the location, you can roam the Earth and possibly meet them if your lucky. But if you never leave your hometown, in my opinion your soulmate probably isn’t born in your hometown. I think you need to explore to find them. And I hate to be pessimistic, but i think that you aren’t guaranteed to meet your soulmate, if they do exist. So the vast majority of people don’t meet them. But I hate thinking like that. It puts me in a very nihilistic point of view.

35. what is your favourite thing about yourself?

I try hard to spread love and positivity. I have so much love in my heart.

36. what is the nicest compliment you’ve received?

Honestly i dont know.

37. who is your favourite music artist?

Childish Gambino. I had a huge Gambino phase during early high school. I connected to a lot of his music and his personality that was portrayed through different interviews. He was mysterious to me because he doesnt use social media and just keeps to himself a lot. But I like “Camp” because i felt like a lot of that music was relatable to a “White, Black Kid” which was something i struggled a lot with in middle school. I’m fully black but people called me “white” due to my behavior. Which was basically not enforcing black stereotypes. And due to peer pressure I took on the role of the “White, Black Kid” or the “Oreo” (Black on the outside and white on the inside).

38. what was your first kiss like?

It was for my 14th birthday. Looking back on it, it was a mess because I was hella insecure at the time. I was just nervous and asked like 3 times which ruined the mood. I was just surprised that someone wanted to kiss me period. But it was at an ice skating rink for my birthday. It was just me and a bunch of friends but I was “talking” to this girl at the time. Basically we went sit on the other side of the rink and was just talking. All my other friends were trying to look at us which also didnt help my insecurity/bad nerves. But I did it. And i was so happy for the following few days lol.

39. are you a sensitive person?

Tbh, probably. I’m very open to criticism but I also get hurt fairly easily.

40. when was the last time you cried?

A few days ago. Either out of pain from my tooth or heart ache whenever I was first told to slow it down with the girl i was into. Ik its silly to cry over something that small but idk. I’m just being honest and letting yall know the last time i cried.

41. do you believe that love can last forever?

Yeah. That’s the kind of love I want. I want to take some time and enjoy my teenage years but then fall in love with one person and i want to be with that one person forever. I just dont trust enough people to think that we’d last forever tho. That’s why I don’t get into relationships too often. I won’t get into a relationship if I don’t see me and that person lasting.

42. what do you think happens to us when we die?

I’m not too spiritual but I wouldn’t be surprised if Heaven and Hell existed. I’m way too simpleminded to try and comprehend what lies in the afterlife though.

43. have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Sadly. I cried hard as hell myself afterwards tbh.

44. what do you think about when you can’t fall asleep at night?

I’m not sure if this question is asking what thoughts keep me up, or what thoughts put me to sleep. A lot of thoughts keep me up. But it’s not the thoughts themselves, but rather my inability to sleep. I don’t have insomnia but usually if i’m up, I’m up because i don’t want to go to sleep, or im in some sort of discomfort/pain thats keeping me up. And sometimes I don’t go to sleep because I’m texting someone and either im hoping we can have an “interesting” convo or i just wanna stay up and talk to em. And lately either being sick, or my unattended dental problems keep me up.

45. do you believe in aliens?

Okay, lets be honest. As big as space is, you expect me to believe that we’re the only living beings? Yeah okay. Sure. Lol

46. what is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

My friend brought me medicine at work and lord knows I was so grateful because I was seriously struggling. It’s not the nicest but goddamn did I appreciate it.

47. do you find it hard to trust?

I find it hard to trust somebody with my heart. As in I don’t trust many people enough to date them. I’m actually very open which can be a good or a bad thing depending on how you look at it. I see it as good because I feel that it makes me pretty approachable. But it’s bad because I leave myself susceptible to getting hurt by being open.

#questions #questionaire #q&a #answers #me

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backseatstorytime · 7 years

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10/31/2016, 6:05pm - riding waves.

Before I begin, you might be wondering why there was a sudden jump from mid-September to Halloween. I've been thinking on it, and I decided not to write everything out in chronological order. There isn't really anything that necessitates everything to be in order, at least not here, so I figured I'd allow myself the luxury to write about whatever story felt right for the time.

If you'd want to follow the stories chronologically, I'm leaving the date and time in the title and you can sort the posts out alphanumerically. Otherwise, please do enjoy these time travel adventures, and as always, thank you endlessly for reading and for your support.

Oh, and also as always—Names, dates, times, and specific details have been modified to protect my riders' privacy. If you have reason to believe that your story is being told and you'd prefer it not to be shared, please message me and I'll be more than happy to take it down.

Jokes have an incredibly short life expectancy. While some can live for way past their lifespan, most jokes are beaten to death right out of the gates. The rise and popularity of memes, these widespread jokes that everyone manages to catch one way or the other on the internet, combined with the speed of communication and transfer via the internet allows for people to spread jokes within hours. The consequence of this, however, is that jokes get played out as quickly as they surface. Harambe, for example, was an incident so strange that it was hard not to find the overwhelming if not completely sardonic support funny. The whole #DicksOutForHarambe was so absurd that I couldn't help but find it hilarious. It was funny when the jokes started to surface, and it was funny for maybe a few weeks after the meme made its journey around the world. Past that, it started to stagnate and stale. Within a month and a half or so, Harambe became a lazy word that people would throw into a mad lib hoping it would get a cheap laugh. It's a month into 2017, and no one talks about Harambe anymore.

Jokes don't live long. They're waves in the ocean—they rise, they crash, they resurge, and they return to the gentle ebb and flow of water. Good jokes rise to unbelievable heights with an awesome impact. They die down and may have an aftershock leading into another hysterical uproar, but after a certain point, they go from being the greatest thing ever to being "so last week," so to say. Such is life; we hear, we laugh, we move on.

There's a reason why a good chunk of famous comedians are how they are—comedians are storytellers. They know the right words to use, when to pause, which phrases to inflect. Most importantly, they know exactly at what point the joke is no longer funny. They know when it's slowing down, what can keep the joke going, and when to end the joke. If jokes are waves in the oceans, comedians are the surfers. They ride, they weave through the flumes and channels, and they take control of the wave.

Obviously you don't need to be a famous comedian to know how to do this. I know a handful of people who can stretch a joke far without hitting the breaking point, but I don't think I have ever met anyone who could do that like Laurence.

I was a little wary of driving on a holiday, especially Halloween. I wasn't entirely sure what to expect, but I figured that it was going to be a hectic evening, at least traffic-wise. I pulled over to a residential area, put on a Halloween playlist, turned my app on, and waited.

Halloween was pretty quiet. Usually I don't have to wait longer than twenty minutes to get a ping, but I was there for about half an hour before I got a call from a guy named Laurence. I drove by St. Joseph's into the TV studio district of Burbank and picked up a gentleman with a cane. He hobbled over, I got out of the car to help him, and off we went.

Laurence was an actor. He said he primarily did commercials and voiceovers, and he finished with a fairly nice gig. He lived in the heart of LA with three other housemates, and while he said he was on the border of living as a starving artist, it seemed like he was happy where he was.

Traffic was piling up, partly because of parents taking their kids to go trick or treating but mostly because of adults wanted to get out of dodge and home as soon as possible. As we drove down Alameda and we passed by a ton of kids in costumes, he told me,

"I'll let you know ahead of time, I give you full permission to run over any of these little shits if they get in our way."

There's the wave.

I laughed. I thought that things were going to end there, but he rode that wave and made the most of it.

"I mean, come on, everyone is dressed like a monster today, how am I supposed to know the difference?!" "Oh I'm sorry officer, I thought that if I drove right through that ghost, I would just phase right past it!" "I thought that kid dressed like a werewolf was roadkill!"

He was riffing off various scenarios, and something about his delivery made it never not funny. As I laughed around ten quips later, I turned on Cahuenga and Laurence rode off the wave. He told me that a left was coming up in about a mile, and he started telling me about how every single driver he's gone with would get in a left lane to prep for the left when all the lanes had a legal left turn. "It's the weirdest thing! I always tell them, 'Oh, you can use any of the lanes to turn left,' but every single one of them gets to the left!" He talked this through and I listened through it until I realized I went straight on the street I was supposed to make a left on.

"W-wait, what... wha... did you just..."

And at this point I was apologizing profusely, but Laurence started laughing.

"I literally spent the last five minutes talking about turning left! Then we get to the turn and you go everywhere but left!"

I was still apologizing between laughs, and he spent the entire time of me U-turning ragging on me.

"I mean... did I give the right direction? I was saying left, right? Left!" "Look, if you just wanted to take me off the trail and make out with me in a back alley, you could've just asked! I'm not a difficult man to please!"

He was having a good time at my expense, and honestly I was having a pretty good time, too. Laurence said not to even worry about it, that everyone makes mistakes, but he didn't fail to let me know that that was the funniest mistake he'd ever seen. As I made the U-turn and turned right, he began:

"Okay, now on the LEFT, you're going to see the freeway entrance. When you see it on your LEFT, you're going to turn LEFT. Not right, not straight, LEFT. Now, which way are you turning?" "L-left!" "YA GODDAMN RIGHT, BOY."

I was still laughing at this as he started talking about various things. We talked about Fleetwood Mac, about George Clooney as Batman, about expensive homes and how the toilets better be flushing sparkling water at the prices they're selling houses. Each time he brought up a new topic, he rode a new wave. He knew which moments to tell jokes, how to deliver and ride out jokes, and when to move on. He was so good at this that I hadn't realized an hour had passed on the trip and that we were about ten minutes away from his place. He told me,

"Alright. So we're going to be turning on Chico. Once we pass it, you're gonna see shit change. You won't see these million dollar homes and kids in costumes anymore, you're gonna be seeing chain link fences and kids who're dressing up on Halloween as lower class kids who can't afford a costume. So if you're ever looking for a place to move to, don't look past Chico. If you don't wanna get shot or mugged, don't go past Chico. If you have any shred of love for yourself, don't go past Chico. Now, what lessons have we learned today?"

"Turn left and don't go past Chico?"

"YA GODDAMN RIGHT, BOY."

We got to Chico and he started to point out where the line between Chico and the rest of LA. "Don't be fooled by that Chipotle on the street corner! Once you pass this plaza and turn, things start to look a little less clean around here."

"Oh, so is it like Haunted Mansion in Disneyland where it makes like a change from elegant to haunted?"

For the first time on the hour long car ride, Laurence went quiet.

Did I say something wrong? Was Disneyland a bad example? The silence was unnerving since we'd been nonstop talking the whole trip.

"Disneyland."

Finally, a word. But he didn't sound pleased.

"DISNEYLAND???"

Nope. Not pleased at all.

"Boy, do I look like I can afford Disneyland? You know what a guy like me gotta do to afford Disneyland?!"

And there went the last wave, rising higher and higher.

"You know how many organs I gotta sell to go to Disneyland?!" "That's why I ain't having no kids, I'm gonna have to sacrifice one of them just to get in the park!" "I'll be asking Satan, 'Ey boy, you got Venmo? What you take, cash? Check? Firstborn child?'" "You know how many virgins I gotta throw down in a volcano to afford a ticket to Disneyland?" "I ran outta virgins and I started throwing dogs down there! One of these bitches gotta be a virgin, dammit!"

He went off. His jokes were dark, unruly, and, frankly, hilarious. He rode that wave all the way home, and by the time he got out of the car, I was still laughing on the way home. Apparently he had a great time as well, because he gave me a $5 tip.

That Halloween trip has been one of my favorite trips to date. It was nonstop conversation and jokes, and I think I spent the whole trip laughing. I finished driving after that one trip simply because I wanted to end the night on a high note.

It's always rare to meet people with that innate sense of delivery and humor. I'm sure he's practiced and mastered the craft after a while, but that doesn't make it any less impressive. This has always been my go-to story when people ask about funny moments driving, and I'm glad I got to share it here.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for riding this crazy wave with me.

#life #backseat storytime #lyft #uber #lyft stories #uber stories #rideshare #driving #stories #storytelling #la #los angeles

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verziehenone · 7 years

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Video games ... what a past time. So much time is spent on them, I can’t even imagine how many hours I have enjoyed building and breaking worlds, meeting and killing people, and just having the time of my life (lives) in virtual worlds.

Probably the first game I ever played was Tetris on the Gameboy. The original Gameboy. That bulky off-white thing that took 4 AA’s that seemed like nothing could keep it down. Could probably have built a house outta those things. And the battery life was pretty solid too!

But soon I graduated to Mario, which was not awful on Gameboy. Then came the big one: Pokemon. Around then I upgraded to a Gameboy Pocket The foldy one. It went from a monochrome brown and green thing to a nice gray with black and white shades. Terrific clarity!

Then the Gameboy Color happened. But before we get there ...

My first console was an Atari. Good times on that thing. Pitfall, some space game, and a few others that were equally blocky and terrifically entertaining in a way that many games just don’t capture now.

Then was my Nintendo. I think it was because I traded/sold my Atari at a garage sale or something, and boom, I was the proud owner of a Nintendo. Eventually got me one of those sweet Duck Hunt guns (let’s be honest, that was basically the only game anyone used it on), and a few great games. Zelda, a few Marios (Mario 3 will forever be amazing, but Mario 2 had it’s charm.)

I did some swaparoos (involving a mountain bike and another Atari) but came back to the Nintendo. That said, this was all around the time that friends of mine had the Sega Genesis or the Super Nintendo, and I was stuck with the lame-o OG Nintendo. I even remember one time convincing my parents to spring for renting a Sega Genesis from Family Video (or whatever it was called) and using that Sega Channel (or whatever) to stream Mortal Kombat and another fighting game or two. Don’t tell my parents, lots-o-blood.

Back to the portables. Gameboy Color was a revolution. Sure, Pokemon in color was amazing. Any game (Final Fantasy Tactics, Super Mario, etc) but really, it was Pokemon. And the reason they were amazing-er on the Gameboy Color? It was backlit. And that made ALL the difference at night. No more huddling around a little nightlight or gripping a flashlight in my mouth to try to catch one more ‘mon, or just one more fight, one more ...

I had a Gamegear for a bit, which was the Sega competitor to the Gameboy. Glorious color gaming, 8 AA batteries, big ole screen, but the games (other than Sonic I think) just weren’t there. So I got rid of it, and eventually the glory of the Gameboy Advance happened. The one with the big ole screen, that Super Mario was friggin’ amazing on. And naturally, Pokemon again was amazing. I eventually got me the next Gameboy (SP) the next foldy one, which was the last one before the 3DS (I think), which I never got (though I’d love one).

Console-wise, for the remainder of my pre-college life I was always a generation behind. Everyone had the GameCube when I finally got an N64 (but don’t cry too hard, GoldenEye was worth the wait). I finally got a PS1 in time for everyone to tell me how amazing the PS2 was. This isn’t a sob story, just the result of growing up in a family where if I wanted a console, I had to buy it with my money. So I did, and I was just more patient. Though I was friends with people who had the latest and greatest. At one point I had the 3 main consoles, (a generation late): the PS2, the GameCube, and the Dreamcast. I felt like the toast of the land. Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, Crazy Taxi, Super Mario Sunshine, I had it all. Good times.

Until! The summer before college. I had a few bucks put aside and wanted me a real gaming PC. The one I had prior to that was a hand-me-down from my Youth Pastor that played StarCraft on it ... barely. So this one, a big $600 beast, and I found myself loving the major boost in power that my Athlon something something gave me over the Pentium 2 I had prior. Unreal Tournament was brilliant and I enjoyed so many great gaming experiences on that machine. And Civilization 3 stole far far too many nights and days ... I spent hours and hours playing that.

Then college came! And a credit card! And I built a new computer! And it was fast and had a pair of 17″ CRT monitors (I upgraded to 17″ widescreen LCDs) and it was glorious. (GeForce 8800 GTS baby). I did so much more gaming. Eventually even got around to World of Warcraft, though I did enjoy plenty of non-PC gaming with pals on a variety of systems.

I played World of Warcraft heavily throughout college, spending 4-5 hours a night usually (still had a solid GPA and 2 part time jobs and a girlfriend, so I wasn’t a total loser) and it was wonderful. I remember at one point I even played another MMO in my off time, and it was stupid and glorious and ridiculous. I spent my non-PC gaming time playing a lot of the PS2 games I hadn’t beaten or just enjoyed like Final Fantasy 10 and Star Ocean and so on. Big into RPGs. I even got a PSP during that time for the Star Ocean 1 and 2 remakes and I still wish I had kept it, to be honest.

After college I was living with a roomie (from college) who I played World of Warcraft with, but also enjoyed the Nintendo Wii and PS3 he had. We did a lot of great gaming on those systems, though I did a lot more PS3 than Wii stuff. Rock Band became a past time for us (and I got quite good at Expert guitar, could play huge chunks of some songs with my eyes closed) and he was great a bass. Stoke 3 live on! And did I mention Fallout 3? Ohhh man. It never changes.

So I decided to buy an Xbox 360. I never had an Xbox (though I did a little Halo in my time) I just decided that I wanted a console and should get one he didn’t have. I also very much missed Fight Night (a boxing game) and wanted to play that again. But the eventually I moved out and was on my lonesome and didn’t have a Blu-Ray player. And have always been a Playstation guy. So I sold the Xbox 360 and bought a Playstation 3.

Until I got my bigscreen TV I didn’t do a ton of Playstation gaming, instead mostly doing PC (mostly World of Warcraft) gaming. I did do a game here and there of other things but nothing memorable.

But, one day I powered down my computer, went to work, and came home only to find ... no power. No response at all. The reason this matters is I had just decided to come back to playing World of Warcraft (after a break that my then-girlfriend convinced me would save our relationship, because video games were our only problem -- nope), and was bummed I couldn’t. I didn’t have the money to fix it so I returned to console gaming and enjoyed a lot of then-newer hits like Dragon Age: Origins, Darksiders 1, Dante’s Inferno, the Assassin’s Creed games, and a host of others that escape me. I tend to not do a lot of shooters on console, preferring them on PC. GameFly helped me fly through games pretty quickly so I was able to save quite a bit of money by not buying all of them.

A few months later I was living with a new friend and decided to research how to fix my computer, and found it was much cheaper than expected. So I got a new motherboard and some new ram and was up and running in time to enjoy Star Wars: The Old Republic, a new MMO. It was amazing and super super fun leveling and the story was great ... until you hit max level like you ran into a wall. So then I got into Skyrim and a few other games, working my way through the different PC games I had missed out on (like Mass Effect 1-3, Dragon Age 2, and some others).

Living with some new friends I was introduced to other games I’d never heard of or played, like Guild Wars 2, Dark Souls, and

Time moves on again and I decided to swap out some newer parts and make my machine more future-proof, since I had a baby on the way and would never have money again until a bit later. I also used some of my birthday money and Christmas money on a PS4. So I was set. Like a rockstar. A rockstar who enjoyed Madden and Grand Theft Auto V and so on. And Far Cry and Crysis and Wolfenstein and not World of Warcraft. I had been done for a long time. Partly due to time and partly due to money and partly due to a lack of interest.

Skipping around a bit to the present, I’m still and always will be a gamer. I still don’t have a 3DS, as much as I’d love to have one for Pokemon, but I have a PS4 and my wife has a Switch, and my PC is still gettin’ love when it gets a bit outta date. Never going to have a bleeding edge waste-of-money PC but I will always strive to be caught up to play the latest games.

I am back into World of Warcraft again, playing with a prior roommate and some other really great guys, and it’s being managed much more carefully than before. Outside of that, I’ve been playing Uncharted 4, Overwatch, Diablo 3, Civilization 6 (Oh my gosh I love Civ) and a smattering of others. I still have my Gameboy SP with Pokemon Red and Yellow and Gold (I think). I also had a Playstation Vita briefly but decided it just wasn’t for me.

I have a long list of games I want to play so I won’t list them all. (Yes I will, because this is my blog). In no particular order:

Stardew Valley (In progress)

Mad Max (In progress)

Bloodborne (In progress)

Dark Souls 3

Torment: Tides of Numenara

Wasteland 2

Pillars of Eternity

Rise of the Tomb Raider

Dying Light

Doom

Watch Dogs 2

Dishonored 2

Final Fantasy 15

Nioh

Persona 5

Horizon Zero Dawn

Mass Effect: Andromeda

Red Dead Redemption 2

Injustice 2

I’m a gamer at my core and a good gaming experience is something so hard to communicate to those who haven’t found a game that tickles their fancy. But when a person finds that game that challenges them in the right way, entertains them or entrances them, and they just can’t put it down ... that’s just the best. (And in this post I’m not talking board games or mobile phone games, those are entirely different posts).

This really just scratches the surface of my gaming time, thoughts, and philosophy about games. I have so many thoughts and ideas, so many memories and experiences, and so many terrific games that I loved and can’t wait to try ... it’s just a matter of the same thing it always was: Making sure that it is always secondary to real life, real people, and the stuff that really matters. Otherwise... game on.

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