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#and I’m still angry and bitter and jealous and just sad
blugrlgroup · 6 months
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How am I supposed to value myself when everyone I love or care for abandons me in the end
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syllvane · 1 year
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i’ll be the one if you want me to- kaz brekker x reader
“Is he still angry?” Jesper asked and you didn’t have to ask for clarification on who he was talking about, the events of last night still fresh in your mind.
“What do you think?”
Jesper didn’t say anything, taking another sip of the drink he was nursing.
“What is he so angry about anyways? I wasn’t aware that dancing with you was illegal.” Jesper complained and you swiped the drink away from him as soon as he put it down, taking a sip of it for yourself.
Your face scrunched, not expecting the alcohol to be that bitter, before sliding it back over to Jesper.
“I don’t understand how you can drink that shit this early.” 
Jesper shrugged.
“It’s a learned skill. Useful for when you piss off Kaz Brekker.”
“I should just talk to him, he’s being ridiculous.”
“I should just apologize, I shouldn’t drag this out any longer than necessary.”
“You’re not the one dragging it out, Jes. Besides, you did nothing wrong. I’m allowed to dance with who I want without him getting all pissy about it.”
“Yeah, well… you know. He does have a soft spot for you.”
You scoffed, shaking your head.
“He does not.” You said and Jesper gave you a look before the door to outside opened.
He turned around and grinned.
“Nina! True or false, Kaz has a soft spot for our good friend here.”
Nina appeared on Jesper’s side, looking dubiously at the alcoholic beverage he was nursing.
“Saints, you’re starting early today. True, obviously, why?”
“He does not! If you had danced with Jesper last night, Kaz would not have given the both of you the silent treatment for the last twelve hours.”
“Well, that’s because he’s in love with you. He was jealous. I would be jealous if I saw Matthias dancing with another girl.”
You fell silent.
“You and Matthias are dating.”
“And you’re going to tell me you and Kaz aren’t? That all of those longing looks are completely platonic?”
“I’m going to talk to him.”
Nina paused.
“Are you sure you’re in the best space of mind to do so?”
You didn’t respond as you stood up from your chair, heading back to the Slat, determined.
Kaz doesn’t look up as you open the door to his office without knocking, nor as you close the door behind you.
“You don’t get to be jealous, Kaz.”
He stopped working on whatever it was that he was writing, setting the pen down.
“I’ve never been jealous of anything.”
“Then what was last night?”
He didn’t say anything, shifting his jaw.
“It was nothing. It was… misplaced anger.”
You took a deep breathe, shaking your head.
“Don’t lie to me.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“The truth. For once.”
He stayed quiet, unable to meet your eyes.
“Tell me that you want me. Tell me to stay. And I will, and I will never ask you to say so again.”
Finally, he looked up.
“Is it not obvious?”
“It’s really not.” You said, your voice nearly breaking.
“I-” He started, his voice catching in his throat and breaking, unable to continue.
He looked down, his eyes closed.
You felt yourself deflate, tears in your eyes.
“Tell me to stay, Kaz, and I will. But when I exit this door, I’m gone.”
It feels like an eternity that you wait, that you stand there in his office foolishly, asking for something he can never give you, because these are the simple facts of the situation: Kaz Brekker will never ask for you to stay.
He will never pull you closer or grab your wrist while you’re walking out.
He will never ask you to stay because there is vulnerability in asking, in wanting.
He will watch you dance with Jesper, will watch you talk with Inej and giggle with Nina, will watch you look at him with inexplicable fondness and do nothing at all about it. 
You say nothing to him as you turn, speak nothing of the hope you still hold out for him.
The door shuts behind you and safely, behind the cover of wood and walls, his face contorts into anger and sadness and he hits his desk, slams his cane into a bookcase, does everything but rush out after you.
And you let him go.
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kuntniss · 1 year
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hmm i think denying will’s jealousy in both st3 and st4 is erasing an important part abt his love for mike and who he is, esp with how it’s different both seasons. because it’s often associated with homophobes trying to act like will was evil for being jealous and a little upset w/ his friends, so it’s dismissed overall but like. okay. ignore them for once. in season three, it’s still a more childish thing—which yea ofc it is. he’s a kid. he wants to cherish that time and his friends. he feels left behind (he IS left behind) but this is also the first time he sees mike with someone else, somewhat of the way he was with will. and it isn’t like will was planning on making mike his boyfriend, but he assumed they’d just stay closer than everyone forever. he wants them to love each other but he wasn’t expecting some love declaration, it would just be their thing. and that’s another part of what upsets him—besides him feeling so invisible and stuck in the past, he’s mad because he expected so much. hence him calling himself stupid while looking at that picture. it was almost like it was foolish for him to even feel jealous, for him to want to be noticed again. i wouldn’t necessarily call it selfish because that isn’t will, but it isn’t like it is in season four. it’s not as resigned. and it comes from a place of sadness and anger and so much fucking hope that it’s embarrassing for him. but then in season four, he really only gets annoyed that day at rink o mania, specifically that talk with el while mike gets his socks. this is also right after that wack airport hug, so he’s upset with both mike AND el. and guess what? the jealousy is more of an i’m disappointed and i’m upset and i can’t believe this is what’s happening when it was supposed to be good. like how it was in the summer. and then other times when he seems to be jealous (mike walking up to give el her eggos), it’s quiet, it’s less obvious, it’s more yearning. even when el’s brought up in a lot of conversations, he doesn’t get mad. if it was st3, he would’ve rolled his eyes, he wouldn’t have wanted to engage in the conversation. he’s tired and he’s trying to grow up. and then again right before the byers brother™️ talk, he’s looking over at mike and el and again, it’s that quietness, that sadness, that loneliness. literal hours after he lies about the painting and resigns himself to a life of this silence, this secret. he’s exhausted and just doesn’t expect things to ever be the same. it’s still jealousy, nonetheless. the script confirms it, yes, but it’s not even that hard to realize. people just do it wrong. and jealousy isn’t always bitter or angry, will rarely is. it stems from this love he’s had since he can remember and this pathetic-ness he’s felt many times, but never because of mike. until things change (ahem. one summer can change everything or whatever it was) and mike was the one aspect of his life he didn’t expect to change!!! the contrast between his st3 jealousy and st4 jealousy is so insane and tragic but beautiful because you know he loves mike so much but he doesn’t want to fight for him or with him.
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utterlyhooked · 1 year
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I had to sleep on it and I have calmed down a bit. Till The End Of The Moon hooked me from the very first episode which is very rare. Even my favourites took a while, The Untamed took 21 episodes for me to get really into it. Love Between Fairy and Devil took around 18-20 episode mark for me to care. I really loved them afterwards!
You are probably wondering, what does the GIF above have to do with what I have to say. Well, it’s simply there to remind me why I love this drama because I still do but I am heartbroken about how the ending was handled. My thoughts are everywhere, so, I’m sorry if it’s incoherent.
The takeaway from this drama is tribulation, one after the other. Just suffering, suffering, more suffering, and martyring yourself to an ungratelful populace in every realm and only acknowledged by a handful. Yes, a handful, or maybe the Yiyue Tribe would add to that number but, we don’t know because Nian Baiyu was just flung into the Barren Abyss never to be heard from again. *sigh* Apologies, I’m being bitter. Li Susu probably told everyone and got the sects in line.
If they were going for a sad ending, then what was that?! If an open ending, again, what was that?! And then a happy ending audio was thrown in to the mix! The indecisiveness was breathtaking, it simply makes you seethe! Pick one, commit to it and do it well! They were trying to please everyone and utterly missing the target.
Those who love this kind of Xianxia with very dark themes (for cdramas, I think this is dark) mostly are not averse to sad endings. Sometimes it’s even expected. Great sad endings leaves you sobbing, heartbroken, and melancholic. That’s the beauty of it, it makes it memorable! If it’s a happy ending, fantastic! Everyone loves a happy ending. Great open endings make you think, not angry!!! however, I find that open endings are generally just ok (with exceptions), but thats ok too! The tragic thing about all this is the source material already had a sad ending, if a sad ending was what they were aiming for, and the epilogue of the novel provided a happy ending, if a happy ending was what they intended to do! They did not even have to think of an alternative because it was already there! And yet... *sighs*
Some mutuals decided to end watching at episode 35. They are happy that they did it and I am happy for them. But if I was to recommend this cdrama, I can’t really say that they should end at that episode because subsequent episodes brought us
Shifu and Cang Jiumin scenes which was beautiful, I was sobbing.
Li Susu thinking that TTJ was dead and was trying her hardest to fight and kill her awful bio dad and failing miserably
TTJ saving her and killing Di Mian, extremely satisfying!!!
The relief in her face seeing him alive only to realize that he had the intention of becoming the Devil God. The scream alone is worth watching!
When he took out the soul extinguishing spikes from his heart to convince her that he indeed has become the Devil God. The sorrow in her eyes.
I’m sure theres a bit more
and of course, the later part of episode 39... the Ye mansion scene. The sadness and longing. Somehow missing each other so much while they are in each others arms. So bittersweet.
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Having read the novel, I knew from the few chapters in that they have deviated from it so much. I thought, ok, at least we are getting 2 stories out of it. Its just that precious screentime was used on characters that I thought was irrelevant to the overall story. Mo Nv could have been taken out completely and it would not have mattered to the story at all. They could still made Gonye Jiwu a jealous, vindictive, and bitter (ex) without her. Li Susu and Tantai Jin meeting with Ye Qingyu in JIng Kingdom was cut out instead. I saw some stills, so they did film it. It would have been better story showing on how the emperor can be the same emperor for the last 500 years.
I still have a lot in my mind but this is getting too long. Anyway, I now have 2 new favourite actors, so there is that.
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satans-helper · 2 years
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All For Me
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Pairing: Danny Wagner x (F) Reader
Word Count: ~3900
Warnings: SMUT [fingering; oral sex; hand job; grinding; non-penetrative sex; tiny bit of power-play; smidge of dirty talking) 18+ ONLY
I received a request a while back on Wattpad for a super jealous, rougher than usual Danny. Well, I find it pretty difficult to write this sweet one in such a bad mood, so to speak, so you might have to level with me here. But he IS angry and he DOES want to get that out of his system ;) 
Thank you to @ascendingtostardust for the gif (fantastic name, by the way)!
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You could feel how much of a horrible, stupid mistake it was even in the moment but everything was moving so quickly, it was too hard to stop. You kissed Jake. In front of Danny. It wasn’t totally obscene–just a quick one, a juvenile, giddy peck, but still on the lips, and not just in front of Danny but in front of everyone. Your face immediately flushed when you pulled back in stark realization and Jake was frozen, eyes wide with shock, and the entire atmosphere around you shifted into something sluggish and heavy. It felt like it took ages just to turn and meet Danny’s eyes instead and, instead of their usual light and brightness, there was a raging, dark storm brewing. You’d never seen him so pissed off, and you were too high and a little too drunk to even react as Danny pulled you away from everyone and to his car, tearing both of you away like it was a crime scene. 
“Jesus, Y/N,” Danny said once you were on the road. He’d held off on speaking at all until that point and the words came out tired. Despite the high still swirling in your head, you could tell he was going fast, the overwhelming darkness of the highway coming on suddenly as the tires spun wildly below you. “What the hell was that about?” 
His words carried a shocking calm to them, contrasting to how hard he was gripping the wheel and how abruptly the car accelerated. Danny never yelled–you weren’t even sure he was capable of it–but the intentional articulation of each syllable unsettled you. Beyond that, your own actions unsettled you–being unfaithful in any way wasn’t something either you or Danny took lightly and you weren’t even sure where all of this had come from. You didn’t have feelings for Jake or anyone else–you could only blame it on the weed, alcohol and extra-close proximity to him. Everything felt exciting, or it had before all this shit went down, and that excitement had propelled you to the nearest target. Just briefly, but it was enough to rattle you and certainly make Danny upset.
“I–I’m sorry,” you said. You weren’t even sure where to look–the head and taillights of the other cars on the highway were whizzing so fast they were making you dizzy, but you hated Danny looking as he did, with his face full of obvious tension even in the dark. “I didn’t mean to, really, Danny–”
Danny interrupting you was another sure sign he was beyond mad. “Not for nothing, Y/N, but you were getting really close to Jake all night. Is there something you’re not telling me?”
That question nearly snapped you into total sobriety. “No, Danny–Jake would never do that to you. I’d never do that to you.”
Danny’s jaw tightened before he spoke again: “You already did.” 
That stung, but he wasn’t wrong. “It didn’t mean anything. I didn’t even realize I was–”
“You know, this might be the first time you kissed someone else,” Danny started to say, his voice still even as he merged out of the left lane. “But this isn’t the first time you’ve–gotten like that. I always want you to have a good time but, man–” He stopped; you turned to look at him again.
“But what?” you asked, trying to flip back through snapshots of the night as best you could, going even further back into all sorts of inebriated nights as Danny slowed the car along the exit. 
There was a sad bitterness when Danny told you: “You get trashed and you flirt. Like, with everyone. Everyone but me, which is pretty ironic.” At the stoplight, the red glow illuminated the hardness of his face, everything sharp angles. “It doesn’t make me feel very good.” 
You bit your lip hard, not sure what to say because he wasn’t wrong yet again. You’d always been a flirt when you got a few drinks in you–that was how you’d had the confidence to make a move on Danny in the first place and thankfully, blissfully, that drunken night had led to something remarkable. You loved Danny and you didn’t really want anyone else, ever. So you told him that as the light turned green and he turned, rolling the window down so you could have some cool, fresh air over your burning face. 
“How would you feel if I did that?” Danny asked, his voice raising ever so slightly. “I mean, I’ve been pretty good at kinda ignoring when you get all handsy with other people. It doesn’t matter. But Jake? That crossed a line.” 
You knew it did. Your face continued to heat with shame thinking about how this could twist your friendship with Jake–with all of them–around in addition to perhaps ruining your relationship. “Don’t be mad at him.” 
Danny shook his head. “I’m not.” 
Dense silence lasted for the rest of the ride. You rubbed your sleeve over your mouth as if that would erase what happened; you needed water, needed a long shower. When Danny pulled into the parking lot in front of your building, you expected him to just let you go up alone but he followed you out of the car. He walked at your side, matching your pace–every buzz from the weed and alcohol felt obliterated, leaving you awkwardly sober and all-too aware of how much you’d damned yourself. 
Your keys felt heavy in your hand as you unlocked the front door and made your way to your own door, the jingling too loud as the key turned and you went in first. You left Danny behind you as you kicked off your shoes and booked it to the kitchen, getting a big glass of water from the tap. 
Danny still followed, leaning back on the countertop beside you, arms crossed, and sighed. “It had to be Jake of all people? Come on.” 
You finished the water and set the glass down hard. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I probably fucked up that friendship forever.” You hadn’t realized how much of this sort of thing happened when you went out; Danny had every right to be mad and a sharp, splintering fear pierced through you. “Are we breaking up?” 
Danny’s face turned genuinely incredulous. “What? No. Do you want to?” 
“No, oh my god, no.” You brought your fingers up to your temples, trying to soothe the headache that had started to grow. “I’m sorry. This is so messed up. I wish I could take it back–all of it.” 
Danny gave a little huff. “Yeah, same here.” 
You looked right at him then. Quite a bit had changed in both of your lives since the first time you’d met, but the calming, gentle and genuine soul that was the very essence of Danny was still there. You knew that’d always be there, but even tolerance and forgiveness had limits. “I wouldn’t have even managed to, I don’t know, get with you without being drunk that night,” you told him. “It wasn’t random, not like all this has been–with other people, I mean. I didn’t know if you were into me at all but I thought, well, why not?” 
Danny turned and lifted one hand to your cheek, stroking your skin gently. “And that worked out pretty damn well. It just hurts to see you get all flirty with other people when we go out or go to parties or whatever. It feels like, in those moments, I don’t even exist to you.” 
You reached for his other hand, holding it in your own. “You always exist to me. I’m really sorry. That’s such a shitty thing to do to someone–to you.” 
“It’s okay,” Danny said and even though it wasn’t, the way he said those words did make it feel like things would turn out alright. “I want you to have fun. Maybe just not that type of fun.” His hand left your cheek and slid down your side, curving gently around your hip. “Not without me, anyway.”
Just that simple touch began to pull you into his depths. You wanted to soothe him somehow. “How mad were you earlier?” you asked, pressing your whole body against him and brushing your lips against his. “Like, really? How mad?” 
Danny just barely reciprocated, but then he tilted his head back and put a firm hold on your hips as if to push you away. “Pretty mad, Y/N.” 
Without him actually pushing you back or pulling back more himself, you ran your hand up his thigh to the waistband of his jeans, toying with the leather belt he had taught around his hips. “I never see you get mad,” you said, daring to press a soft kiss to his jaw. “There’s gotta be so much pent-up anger in there somewhere. Unless drumming helps–” Your words were cut off by your own surprised yelp as Danny smacked your ass.
“Sometimes it does,” he agreed, then one finger was hooked through your belt loop and he was dragging you to your bedroom with very little effort. It seemed to take even less effort for him to toss you back onto the bed and climb over you, two strong thighs straddling your hips as Danny’s hair hung over your face. You barely had a second to see if there was actually any anger showing in his face before he sealed his mouth to yours, wasting no time in licking past your lips in a messy, heated sequence of kisses. 
Strong, skilled fingers quickly undid your jeans and slid over your underwear; you hummed in surprise, melting into Danny’s kisses. This was all you ever really wanted–him. No one else. You managed to unbutton his shirt and feel his chest, his skin overheated, and run your fingers through the faint sprinkling of dark hair there. Danny’s own fingers began to stroke you over your underwear so lightly in comparison to the harshness of the messy makeout session that was still happening above; the gentle whispers over the thin fabric were still enough to make your hips buck. 
Danny tugged a small handful of hair at the crown of your head and pulled you back. “Do you ever think about anyone else?” he questioned, his dark lashes fluttering once as he looked down at you, waiting. 
You couldn’t even feel the mattress beneath you or the sheets around you. It was all Danny. The darkness of your room–neither of you had managed to get a light turned on–cloaked his usual darkness, leaving him almost as only a silhouette. The help of moonlight through the windows cast light on his face in certain angles and you looked into his eyes as best you could as you answered: “No. Never. Seriously.” 
Danny sat back on your hips completely, sparing none of his weight from settling down on you. The problem wasn’t that he was too heavy, the problem was that his ass was right against your crotch and his thighs were flexing around you and you couldn’t do a thing about it. “So when you’re flirting with other people,” he started to say, tracing his fingertips down your scalp to the side of your face, then to your neck. “You’re not thinking about them? You’re still thinking about me?” 
You were such an idiot sometimes. How many lines had you crossed without a care in the world for anyone else? “Okay,” you said quietly, tentatively putting your hands on Danny’s thighs. They were so hard, the denim strained over muscle, surely even harder from the tension brewing in his body. “I’m not thinking about you.” You pet your hands over his quads. “But only in those stupid moments.” 
“Right.” Danny grabbed your wrists and pinned one on each side, bending over you again. He was close enough to steal a kiss from, but you didn’t dare–this was interesting. A little unnerving. But still hot, the jealousy and anger that had built up inside your boyfriend slowly trickling out in a sequence that you’d never even fantasized about before, because you had been too dense to realize what you’d even been doing. 
“I wanna touch you,” you told him, attempting to break your wrists free as you also tried to rub your pelvis up against him. 
“Oh, now you do?” Danny chided, not relenting his hold over you. “What changed all of the sudden?”
You successfully yanked one wrist free and immediately went for the fly of Danny’s jeans, cupping him hard, and he himself was already hard, too. “I always do,” you said, and he grunted softly and his whole body relaxed for a brief moment, but then he reached behind himself. 
“Yeah?” Danny went fast again, shoving his hand down your own jeans, working his fingers past the hem of your underwear. You cursed and he just kept going, leaning back as he ignored your hand on his crotch, sliding his fingers inside you slow and deep. You just grabbed him harder in response, squeezing his cock until you worked another grunt out of him and his hips twitched on top of you. 
“Oh fuck,” you gasped when Danny curled his fingers and tugged lightly, then slid them even deeper than you thought he could get. Your brain couldn’t process what exactly your body was feeling, but you knew it felt damn good, and Danny looked damn fine above you. His hair was running down his slightly heaving chest, the tan skin catching a sliver of silver light and shining bright for a moment until he shifted. 
“So you never think about anyone else doing this?” Danny taunted with words and another curl of his fingers, just barely pulling out to add a third. You felt too confined by your clothes and you pulled your hands away from him entirely, trying to yank your jeans down which jostled Danny on top of you in the process. He caught himself, resting on his knees at your side, and raised his eyebrows: “Desperate?” 
You succeeded in getting your jeans off but before you could finish ridding yourself of your underwear, Danny hauled you up onto your knees in front of him. Before he could make another move, you went straight for his belt and broke it free, sending the leather flying away from his hips; next came the button and zipper, easy enough to undo with your eager hands. With his tented boxers breaking free, you grabbed his shoulders and pushed him down onto his back to switch positions, you taking your turn to crawl over and straddle him. 
“Hey,” you said, catching Danny’s eyes in the dark while you finished unbuttoning his shirt and slipping the panes of fabric away from his body. You smoothed your hands down his abdomen and then back up to his chest, resting one palm over his heart. “It’s just you. You never have to doubt that even if I’m being an idiot.” You latched your mouth to his neck before he could reply. You knew just what Danny liked–mutual adoration and lots of slow, languid touching and kissing. He smelled so good, dark, deep and musky, and you inhaled a sharp breath as you kissed your way down the soft skin of his throat. Danny moaned quietly and kept his hands in your hair, fingers just gently tangling in the strands and silently encouraging you onward. 
With your lips, tongue and teeth creating messy but loving trails down his chest and abs, you scooched down his legs and brought one hand between them, cupping once more. Completely hard, Danny was a little intimidating even after all these times, but he was never forceful or aggressive. Not even now, after you’d pushed his buttons for the last time. He laid patiently, petting your hair and shoulders, while you navigated down and down some more to finally rest between his thighs. 
Except there was one thing that he’d never done before. 
Danny pulled out his own dick and held it, the surprise of the sudden shift in the dynamic forcing you to lean back and watch. But then you were made to look back up as Danny’s voice slid through your ears like silk: “So if you only think about me, I think you should show me exactly what that looks like.” There was a little wobble to the words though, like he was nervous to even request that. You were nervous too, feeling like it was your first blowjob all over again and you had more than just a mouthful to contend with. 
The heat between your own legs would have to wait, you knew that. You had a lot to make up for. You felt Danny’s breathing pause with one hand over his stomach as you bent down and replaced his hand with your own, wrapping it around his cock as best you could. The tip of your tongue licked slowly over half his length and that was enough to make him squirm and whimper; you hid your glee behind your fist and his dick. Even if Danny was pissed, it apparently didn’t actually take too much to appease him. Even still, he deserved something good, something messy–you drooled over the head and smeared it with your palm, starting to jerk him off steadily. 
“Fuck,” Danny bit out, his hips squirming again, threatening to arch up off the bed as you wrapped your lips around him and sank down as far as you could with one breath in your lungs. “Y/N–I’m gonna–” 
You popped off but kept stroking with your hand, delighting in how fast this was all happening, at how damn easy Danny was. “Already? Jeez, Danny, you must have really been pent up for a while.” 
“Yeah,” Danny managed to say as he exhaled, letting his head fall back against your pillow. You kept jerking him off, pausing briefly to let more saliva dribble from your mouth onto his leaking cock, curious to see just how quickly you could get him off with just your hand. You took your other hand and brought it to yourself, slipping your fingers past the waistband of your underwear. You kept your eyes on Danny’s bare abdomen and chest as you slid two fingers through your own wetness. Danny’s cock twitched against your palm; you stifled a groan while you rubbed yourself, getting both fingers slick. 
“Danny,” you said quietly, stretching up along the length of his body with that hand outstretched, the slick glistening on your fingertips as you pressed them to his lips. “No one gets me wet like you do.” 
Danny lifted his head and took those fingers in his mouth without hesitation. It just made the heat below burn even hotter and you struggled not to stop stroking him just to bring yourself more relief. He kept his eyes on yours, sucking your own fluid dutifully, then sat up and pulled you into his lap. It felt so messy, all of it–Danny’s shiny lips and wild dark eyes, you sitting in his half-bare lap with your wet panties as you both panted and clawed at each other. But it felt too good already, with Danny grinding up against you and squeezing your thighs in his strong hands, to even try to move around or get anymore clothes off. So good, in fact, that you knew his thick, hard, wet cock grinding into your pussy through the damp cotton was going to get you off just as quickly. 
“Fuck, you are really wet,” Danny whispered against your lips. His hands moved to your ass, squeezing and pushing you down against him even harder. You managed to snag a bite against his bottom lip, then he pulled back and brought one hand to the nape of your neck, keeping you in place from above and below. “Come for me. I wanna make sure it’s all for me.” 
That drew a sharp whine from your chest; you blinked back at him, Danny’s eyes catching the moonlight again, and arched your back, angling yourself a little lower so his cock was rubbing right against your clit through your underwear. The wetness from yourself had grown from the precum leaking from him and everything felt sticky and hot–strands of his hair were sticking to his collarbones with a sheen of sweat against his breastbone, and you could feel the dampness of your own skin under his fingers at the back of your neck. Denim scratched underneath your thighs while Danny’s cock slid steadily against your center and his dark lashes fanned beneath his eyes for just a second before he found your gaze again. 
“Shit–I–” you stuttered, having to close your eyes while the fiery tension raged through your stomach and down into your pelvis, even your pubic bone beneath all your soft skin seeming to tighten and force its way down even more furiously over Danny. The last few words were caught in your chest while the fire burst upwards and your chest was heaving, pulse wildly racing, head a sudden burst of smoke and fog. 
Danny captured you in his arms, pulling you tight against his chest. “God, yeah,” he moaned, and with soft, open-mouthed kisses along your neck, you felt the sudden halt of his hips beneath you and the release of heat and wetness against your own. 
You kissed his lips softly while you both caught your breath and tried to slide away some of the hair that was clinging to his chest and shoulders, but it just got caught on the headboard instead. “God, we’re a mess,” you said with a laugh. You planted a kiss right between his eyebrows and relaxed in his lap, both of you spent out, finally. “I really am sorry, Danny. I love you and I haven’t been good at showing it sometimes. Like, yeah, I’d be pissed if it was you with other girls.” 
“Well, you don’t have to worry about that,” Danny said, running his hands down your arms to your hands, clasping them gently. “The only person who really ever flirts with me when we go out is Sam.”
You laughed loudly, throwing your head back. It felt so good to have this back–the humor, the giddiness, the adoration. Every insecurity and plucked nerve could be put to bed, not so unlike the way you were going to put Danny to bed once you both got cleaned up and maybe, probably, had a late-night snack to tie the whole night together. 
“I don’t know about that,” you countered, stroking his cheek. “I’ve seen girls flirt with you. I think you’re just a little oblivious sometimes. But you never flirt back with them–just with Sam. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.” 
Danny patted your thigh. “I’m sure you have.” 
You sighed. “What am I gonna tell Jake? That was so embarrassing.” 
“Just tell him the truth. I believe you when you say it didn’t mean anything.” Danny chuckled softly. “You’re just like–like a moth to a flame, I guess.” 
“Not a great comparison,” you said but you laughed, too. “I’ll talk to him in the morning. I just wanna talk to you tonight. Only you.” 
“Same here,” Danny replied, smiling softly, the moonlight slanting over his face again. “Always.” 
---
Tagging: @mountainofthesunn @bigthighsandstupidguys @dreams-madeof-strawberrylemonade @kiszkawagnergvf @chestinfect-me @woman-ina-dream  @itsametaphorbriansblog @karrotkate @edgeofgreta @silver--storms @jimmypagesandbrianmayshair @mintysammykiszka @camomillacatalina​ @mssives​
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zeglythofficial · 1 day
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filmtwt and hollywood in general is a very fast-paced enviorment since there's always a lot of content getting released every month, people get a bunch of new fixations with certain movies/tv shows/actors in a short span of time... it ain't easy to survive in a world as competitive as hollywood. I think R and T are doing fine as rising actors since they've proved their raw talent to the public, they're slowly and steadily working to reach the top. I have faith in both of them. I'll love to see zeglyth work together cause it would such a waste to not capitalize their natural chemistry but I understand that their priority at this point in their careers is to cement their versatility and test their chemistry other leads.
I knew that we had only short time to truly enjoy zeglyth/tbosas...im not entirely sure i liked the marketing of this film, they should've had as many press stops as challengers had but i get they were coming straight from the strike so its a shame there wasn't more time to fully prepare a better press tour. I needed to see more magazines covers, late show appearances etc. but oh well!
And as for Zeglyth, romantic or not, its clear these two like each other a lot, unlike joshifer we have better chances of seeing zeglyth reunite here and there since they both live in NYC and seem to gravite towards the same places. Next step is getting them to work together again... I have faith in them tho lol but one thing is certain, im here for them together or/and individually, T and R have both been promoted as part of my ELITE EMPLOYEES!! im so seated for all their upcoming projects.
“people get a bunch of new fixations with certain movies/tv shows/actors in a short span of time”
Oh this makes me sad (and jealous because I can’t move on from things easily) because 20 years ago, Hollywood would have taken advantage of zeglyth chemistry and lined them up for another movie by now. I’m also bitter about Glen P and Sweeney getting to work on more films together (a very forced PR relationship. Glen just admitted it too even though it was obvious) and we can’t have another zeglyth movie. I need zeglyth to announce that they plan on working together on the future. It would be highway robbery if they aren’t on the screen again.
Yeah I totally get they want to branch out and do other things with other stars (as they should!) but people will be waiting for them to do another project. Even if it takes 10 years (yes, I will still be shipping them 😭).
Don’t get me started on the marketing. We got screwed with the strike. Zeglyth had so much chemistry in the few interviews they did so imagine a full press run 🤭 I’m still angry but at least the strike ended on time and we got something. If the strike didn’t end when it did, can you imagine us not knowing zeglyth? The strike almost made us miss a generational couple 😬 we were meant to ship them…written in the stars is exactly right…
Speaking of Joshifer, I liked them but didn’t see romantic chemistry. They are platonic soulmates lol. My eye twitches every time someone compares them to zeglyth. No. And we absolutely have a better chance at seeing Zeglyth reunite. On and off screen. I don’t care if I never see Joshifer again (no offense to anyone who ships them 💀).
Yes, I support R and T individually! I think that’s why they work tbh. A power couple has power individually and together 👀
“Elite employees” you are so 😭
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pinkkinoko · 2 years
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Saw some of these headcannons where Billy dies and Eddie misses him/is sad/etc., because canonically I know Billy dies first, so it’s always “what if they were friends and then Billy dies and Eddie has to deal with that loss”, but what if Eddie died first? This is just a small exercise in angst and pain, because I want Billy to be happy but I’m also a sadistic little fuck who loves to hurt my kittens. The timeline is muddled because I suck at writing fic and this is really just me spitballing. I don’t know how or when exactly Eddie dies, it’s probably sometime in S3, but what matters is just the idea for now. If you have the patience to read this mess I’ll thank you in advance.
Billy is living with Max and Susan in the trailer park after Neil went and left him to the blessed manure fields of Hawkins, Indiana; maybe it was him being used to abandonment that made the whole situation unimpressive. He wasn’t surprised the asshole had skipped town, but maybe he was a little impressed the bastard could survive without his personal punching bag; wouldn’t it be funny if Neil just keeled over from the fucking inability to pin his mistakes on someone else for once? Billy sneered at that, the man didn’t have an ounce of guilt left in him, probably born without it, wished he’d blessed Billy with the same ability. He could use some hubris right now, could really do with a hit of Neil’s holier-than-thou personality traits. God himself could look Neil in his bloodshot eyes and tell him to repent and the man would spit a bitter laugh and say he’d done nothing to deserve such a sentence. Billy, on the other hand, Billy was staring at the dog barking and straining on the leash in front of him and feeling like his throat was constricting.
If he was pardoned by angels he’d still wish to stare down the barrel of a gun, feel his finger bear down on the trigger. Billy hadn’t been—wasn’t—a good person. If this was a punishment, then he should be thankful it wasn’t Maxine, thank whichever fucking universal force spared him the loss of someone he still hadn’t managed to properly apologize to. No, he lost someone who fucking gave some semblance of a shit about him, and wasn’t that just the biggest kick in the balls? His fucking drug dealer, the one guy who bothered to look at the angry bruise on his bicep in the showers and give him the most dry, disbelieving look as he heard Billy make up some bullshit excuse to Tommy about muscling his way through a crowd. Nobody really gave any thought to what the fuck he dealt with at home, and that’s how he wanted it, didn’t need those pitying looks aimed at him when they saw the way Neil held his chin in one hand and laid in on him with an open palm; see the way Billy let him. But Eddie Munson was different. Maybe because he was a fucking freak, some crazy fucker on the fringes of the crowd, he knew how to make Billy feel like an open wound without asking him anything. Eddie saw the shit that haunted Billy whenever he came over, a nervous shift in his eyes and an edge to his voice as he bought weed off him. Eddie knew his audience, could see the monsters that creeped in the shadows they cast over the steps of his trailer as they looked for their next hit…
Fuck, he could really use some good weed right about now, he still had some leftover in the back pocket of one of his jeans, but his hands were shaking too much to roll a damn blunt. Munson would have barked out a laugh at the tremors in Billy’s fingers and teased him for it:
“Big, bad, Billy Hargrove is too shaken up to roll a blunt? Hargrove, you’re lucky your drug dealer’s such an angel, I’ll do you the favor though, just promise not to tell my other customers, wouldn’t want anyone to get jealous and start slashing your tires”
Eddie would’ve known how to calm him down, he knew Billy without needing to ask, he would’ve crouched down and nuzzled the dog in front of him, made faces and called out pet names as if he were talking to Billy. He would have looked back over his shoulder, eyes big and shining in the green half-light of the trailer park and cracked the biggest smile, heartfelt as he assured billy that “it’ll be alright man, and if it’s not, we can still get high enough to forget about it.” He would’ve pulled out a blunt and waggled his eyebrows in such an unnervingly stupid way that Billy wouldn’t have been able to resist cracking an honest smile.
But there was nobody to tell him that it would be ok, there was nobody to worry over the wet feeling that swelled and overflowed from the corners of his eyes. Billy could take being abandoned, because he was used to it. He could take being hated because it was just shitty kids with their inferiority complexes wanting a piece of his fucking pie—obsessing over him like whores—but he couldn’t take things being taken from him. Billy Hargrove didn’t let people take things from him. But Eddie Munson wasn’t his, and he wished he was.
He wished Eddie was his to take back.
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eyesaremosaics · 3 months
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I had a strange dream that I kept waking up from and picking up where I left off. I was at a party with a bunch of friends from high school, as well as some new people. My best friend Jeanne (growing up) was there too. Along with a Scorpio ex of mine, I’ve known since childhood. Strange because I haven’t thought of him in a while. He had a new girlfriend there, she was very plain looking, but sweet and shy. We ended up talking about him (he hadn’t arrived yet), and I kept warning her to get away from him. Explaining what an evil bastard he was. She wasn’t jealous or threatened by me, she just looked sad for me, and seemed shocked by his previous behavior. It seemed he was treating her pretty well. I didn’t feel bitter about this though… it was weird.
Everyone at the party was doing drugs. His new girlfriend told me that my ex does drugs constantly—any kind he can get his hands on. She expressed concern over this, and said she felt pressured to do drugs with him. I told her he did “dirty” drugs, like crystal (I don’t know if he does this in real life, I just speculate). I took out a bag of cocaine and was doing bumps in an upstairs room with his new girlfriend talking. It was dark and kind of grimy everywhere.
Suddenly my ex shows up to the party. He wants to talk to me. He looks the way he did when we last saw each other… but his hair is a little shorter. About shoulder length. I can’t make out the features of his face, I just see a glowing light, almost like he is a backlit silhouette… he keeps trying to apologize to me. I look at him and say: “oh, it’s you.” He replies “yes, it’s me.”
I keep snapping and saying horrible mean things to him and then fleeing into another room to get away from him. He keeps following me, trying to apologize, but I won’t let him. His new girlfriend keeps trying to get me to allow him to apologize but I just flat out refuse and then do more coke trying to escape emotionally. I keep trying to be alone in a room to do drugs, and he keeps barging in.
We actually get to talking for a minute. I start to hear him apologize. But I don’t believe anything he says, because I know what a narcissistic sociopath he is. Though his apology seems genuine in the dream. I still can’t make out his face.
My dad calls in the dream, and he’s crying. I ask him if everything is alright, he told me no. That grampy is 4 to 5. Whatever that means. I assume he’s dead. I wake up. I’m sweating and stirring fretfully. I go back to sleep, and right back to the dream. I will myself to make my grandfather dying go away. Suddenly I’m back in the room with my ex. I don’t remember talking, but I could feel us vibing off each other’s energy.
Finally I scream some really awful things at him. Though what I said exactly… I don’t remember. He leaves after this finally. I come downstairs later and Jeanne is hanging with his new girlfriend. They both look at me with wide eyes. Jeanne said: “you really said some awful things to him.” “Yeah, you crushed him.” I remember feeling no remorse about this, I was angry, and felt justified in my anger. Yet a part of me was really yearning for that apology. I woke up feeling confused and slightly sad.
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duckduckgoose02 · 2 years
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Trolls Band together
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Okay so here is the trolls story I’m writing (currently in planning stage but have the base idea down)
So long ago, before music and colour was formed. The trolls species were simple and calm. They spent most of their time sleeping or just enjoying the time they had with one a another. To tell the truth they always looked tired. Some had dark black bags under their eyes, darker then their light grey skin. Other had white bags which popped off of their darker skin. Now there was this group of friends, one from each sub species of trolls. There was Bucky, the reckless and idiotic child friend of the group. Keys the mum friend who had a knack for knowing when something stupid was going to happen. Puck was the one that seemed like an idiot, but was a soft baby. Rome was the annoyingly optimistic and really weird one. Athena was the tall ball of sass and love. Then there was Siren, the absolute genius of the group, well known for creating marvellous and unexpected inventions. Now one day, when mumbling to herself, she made a sound. Not like her normal one, but a strange new one. She repeated it. Intrigued with this she continued to repeat the sound that came from her throat, moving her body to this strange but beautiful sound. After that she grew more curious, she pulled on a strand of hair and strummed on the string like hair. Fast forward a few days later and 5 other sting of hair stolen from her friends, siren has invented a completely insane invention. Now around here, she shows her friends her new song, playing her harp along with the song. Her friends join in but in their own special way. Then in an explosion of colour, light and music, this power shot around the world to every single troll. That’s how music was formed. The 6 friends who created the indervidual genres of music (it was actually all siren. But we don’t day that) were turned into god like beings. They became the living embodiment of music. Bucky has peach orange skin and bright lemon yellow hair which stretched to the cloudless sky. His voice carried the songs of harsh and sad country life, but the strengths of the country community and how they lived through hardships, they came out on top. The symphony’s that keys created danced in the wind and brought a sense of peace to even the strongest beasts. She had radiant golden skin and her wings turned a beautiful shade of yellow. A yellow that shared colour with her hair. Hair which resembled a soft fluffy cloud. Puck was still kind of the same short little shit. But now his hair and eyes glowed a vibrant and gorgeous red. His songs could blast energy across a crowd and brought power and strength. Athena was stunning, before and after. She was a royal purple now, her hair still it spectacular fluffy shape. Her music was so heart filled and strong. You were forced to move your body and sing along with such lyrics. Rome, hmm. Nope got nothing. He was the same annoying little shit. Just now he was pink and blue. Then finally Siren, she was now a bright glowing green but her tail had pixelated colours of the rainbow. She had tattoo like designs all over hair arms, chest and chin. Her hair was a neon blue and was the same dreadlocks she had before. But now they floated above her head like they were in the ocean.
Together the group rule all trolls with their kind ways. But there was a problem. Pop grew jealous of techno’s power. How Siren could bend all music at her whim to fit the techno genre. How all emotions could be shared through her songs. He went to her a begged her for some more power, but she couldn’t just give someone power. So he grew bitter and angry. He could have just lived with it, he could have left it there but no. He wanted that power. He got the trolls of his genre to rally up, and then they strike. They stole the unguarded harp and ran. That’s when chaos struck. The trolls were thrown into war and madness. Many died during this time because of pop. In this battle, Rome’s body is grown and he ends up the size of a burden ( the don’t know about Bergen’s back then. But I’m using them as a reference) That’s when techno was done with this foolishness. She harnessed the power within her heart (literally) and obliterated pop. Locking his evil, vile spirit within the pop string. But this act cost her her life. Her spirit too was sent within her string.
The leaders of each tribe, in fear retrieved their sting and ran. The daughter of Queen Siren lead the techno trolls deep in the sea, where they found only they could breath. Then they were gone.
Fast forward to after world tour. Rome’s spirit has been freed from his string prison and seeks revenge. He posses the body of a pop trolls and from there chaos ensues again. The trolls must band together and find out what is happening to...... Cooper! Wow cooper is being possed by the elder of pop! Now that they have this problem they need to find some info so they head to funk archives to see if they can find anything. Well now they find something, but it’s not what they expect. It’s Athena! They Funk elder!! Woah! Now she explains the tale of the elders, and the other elders are alive!! Wait is Trollex going to be the one to save everything, just like his grandma. Apparently only a techno troll can use all forms of music. Training time for Trollex, but question time for poppy. Poppy questions Athena and she tells poppy more of the past, oh and guess what! ATHENA AND SIREN WERE LOVERS!! LESBIAN LOVERS WITH NO REGRET. And the reason Athena is so guilty is because she made a pinky promise to Siren that she would keep her safe, AND THEM SIREN DIED! SO GUILT COURSES THROUGH HER VEINS!! This would be a heart filled moment and here my favourite quote for Queen Athena- “ Sometimes... the music of our hearts is stronger then the ones of our lips. That’s how she deafened Rome, she used the music within. You can’t sing this problem out of the way”
The go and find the other elders and explain they need their help.
Now time for the big battle, time to face down with Rome, who is just using Cooper as a physical vessel for a short amount of time has absorbed his body and rebuilt his own. Regrowing to burgen size.. Now the ending I don’t have to well planned out but basically. The scene unfolding is near identical to the one centuries ago (nearly 3000 years ago) but trollex is to weak, he can’t use the power of other tribes either. He gets knock back and is on the brink of death. Rome chuckles a gruel and evil snark as he slowly makes his way to trollex. Trollex then sees a person infrknt of him. They have long blue hair in thick dreads and bright green skin. She sits in a black atmoasphere, a water like substances surrounds them. He goes up and sit beside her. She turns to look at him, it’s Siren. She smiles warmly at the mortified blue troll. She then takes his head and connect their foreheads and noses ( i based techno trolls off Maori culture and I know first hand that connecting your forehead and nose with another is a form of greeting, like hello. So I wanted her not to speak with him but just greet him like that)
She then fuses their souls together and in an instant he sits up and gets back into battle. His movements identical to Sirens as they weave back n forth avoiding punches. Then finally repeating the moves siren had done he destroyed Rome again. Killing him one final time and freeing Cooper
Now cut to black.
I hope anyone who reads this likes the basic rundown. The story will definitely under go millions of changes till it is perfect but till then I hope I find the motovation.
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tobe-sogolden · 2 years
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I just want to share my personal experience as a reformed hater of this relationship 😂 Okay so when the wedding pictures came out, I had stopped being a larrie about 3 months before? I still kind of believed some parts of it, but I made the choice to step back because I realised it wasn’t healthy or normal to be so invested in H & L being together, always worrying about it, etc (lol). I was still friends with and followed larries. So of course it was kind of a shock to see Harry holding hands with Olivia 😭 I felt upset and jealous, and for the next couple of months I bitched with a friend privately every time we got new pictures. Now, she’s been in the fandom a lot longer than I have and so I felt valid in my reactions. But also deep down I didn’t want to be like that. Whenever she said something misogynistic about Olivia’s age or her having kids, or went as far as to make fun of Harry for cuddling with her in a shop, I felt disgusted and angry. But I didn’t call her out on it. I wanted them to break up too, oh but I didn’t want him to be sad. We both said the most stupid stuff like “he can do better” while being aware he can decide that himself. Anyway the thing is, I didn’t have an issue with Olivia specifically. I actually liked her and thought she seemed like a cool person. It was 100% about realising that I had no say in Harry’s life and never would. My friend used to make excuses about how it wasn’t even Olivia that annoyed her, it was the fandom’s reaction to finding them cute. Which??? Bullshit lmao. She always has said that “gf stans” and people who discuss things on their blog are just as harmful as haters. No they’re not. There are people out there who stalk and contact neighbours and invade privacy in order to prove Harry/Olivia and this isn’t something I think anyone who cares about them agrees with. That IS harmful behaviour. But those who simply are positive about her and call out others? There’s nothing wrong with that but obviously to her, god forbid anyone actually goes against the nastiness. She even said it was better when he was dating Camille because we hardly saw her and everyone hated her. Isn’t that lovely? It was surprisingly easy once I made the choice to accept that my feelings came from my own issues and I needed to work on that. This all came down to being a larrie and/or being dangerously attached to Harry to the point that seeing someone else close to him hurt me deeply, the realisation that I had no control over it and wasn’t part of it. This hurt manifests in being nasty and sexist to his new gf, and bitter and miserable about him at times as well. Now his friends that he’s had for years? They’re fine because they’re not as “intimate” with Harry, they’re not a threat, they don’t reflect us (those who identify as women) so there’s no jealousy. You don’t need to want Harry romantically or sexually for you to feel this!!! It’s about not being close to him and Olivia ruining projections you’re free to have when he’s by himself. I just wanted to say all this because those who are still horrible, like my ex friend, actively choose to be. Despite claiming to love Harry and that they don’t care about his girlfriend. They have a lot of internalised shit to work through. If you actually care to do it everything is so much nicer. I actually feel like I’m being true to myself (because I’m naturally a sensitive and compassionate person) as opposed to this nasty jealous obsessive fan. I get happy seeing Harry happy. I love Olivia!! I’m so glad I got past it a year ago. anybody can, it’s just harder the longer you leave it. I’m prepared for him to be engaged or married whenever that might happen, and a lot of people are not. Yikes!!!
Omg I loved this, thank you so much for sharing!!! I know it has to be hard to disentangle yourself from that conspiracy and the whole community involved with it but I'm so glad you did!! It's so interesting to get that insight into how your feelings about them progressed and hearing how you came to the realization that the issues you were having with their relationship came from your own issues and not anything to do with them.
I cannot even explain how much that false dichotomy annoys me. I hear that A LOT. Claiming that the people who support them are just as bad as the people who obsessively hate them?? Like are you hearing yourself???? Like you said, there's definitely some obsessive behavior on the "gf stan" side that I do not condone at all, but that's a veryyyyyy small number of people. I've only heard of two accounts doing that. There are dozens of accounts solely created for the purpose of trashing her & their relationship and they literally host some of the most vile, invasive discourse I've ever seen and straight up fabricate stuff out of thin air and spread it shamelessly. They harass her constantly and try to impact her projects and her credibility and spread lies about her family like it's all so disgusting.
And I've heard that from some people too! The whole "it was better with xyz because everyone hated her" or "i preferred xyz because she never spoke" like???? That's so fucked up 😭😭😭 his girlfriends don't exist to just shut up and look pretty like they are actual human beings with thoughts and opinions!
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echotrinityme · 2 years
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Inner Demon Part 3 ( Rupert and Henry and others)
Rupert was watching Henry talk to Charles and Calvin.
He was still on probation as he lean against a storage unit. After he saw Henry on the beach, Briar has been giving him inappropriate thoughts about Henry, and he's not happy about it. He doesn't need or want Henry. He and Henry are enemies, and there's nothing Briar can do about it.
He kept watching Henry until he heard Briar commenting, "This is so boring!"
"Why are you still in my head?" Rupert asked, irritated, "Shouldn't you be off doing God knows what?"
"As I said before, I'm here to help you," Briar responded airily.
"How?" Rupert said incredulously, "I nearly tried to kill Henry by strangling him and you're making me lust after him! How's that helping!?"
Briar laughed, "So feisty! I love that! Calm down and let me help you," he responded, "Just trust me."
Rupert grumbled as he saw Charles get a little too close to Henry to his liking, he raised an eyebrow at that. He knew Charles and Henry were close, but he's sensing something more in them. For some reason, he didn't like it. He doesn't know why, though. "Am I sensing a hint of jealousy?" Briar teased.
"No," Rupert replied, tone cold and clipped.
"Then why are you acting like a jealous boyfriend when they see a guy talking to their girlfriend?"
Rupert shook his head as he tried to get Briar to stop talking, then he felt himself being influenced. "Look at Charles, getting all cozy with Henry. And Henry being cozy to him as well," Briar stated in a smooth, seductive tone, "Doesn't that make you green with envy?"
Rupert's eyes started to turn green as Briar continued, "That's not fair, isn't it? You know him much longer, and what Charles is doing is not fair...right?"
Rupert nodded.
"Now, what are we going to do about it?"
Henry was sure something was going on with Rupert, he's been acting strange since the day he almost killed him. Rupert was acting off and no one seemed to notice. Henry noticed Rupert's eyes weren't his usual golden yellow, they were red like blood. Then at the beach, Henry noticed Rupert was watching him, and saw his eyes were blue. Henry was so confused, he was wondering why his eyes were changing colors.
Meanwhile, with Rupert, he was in his tent, brooding. Briar was still influencing him, it was getting annoying. His eyes were still green, he buried his face into his arms as he brought his knees to his chest. He was feeling so angry, bitter, and sad. Why is Briar tormenting him? Why him? Why him specifically?
"The reason I torment you is that your soul is full of sin," Briar responded, "And I'm not tormenting you, I'm helping you, big difference."
Rupert shook his head as he put his hands on his ears, "Please stop talking."
Briar disappear for a moment which gave Rupert a small sense of relief until he saw red smoke, he groaned as Briar appear in a human form. Briar crossed his arms as Rupert gave him a death glare. "Also, I looked through your childhood. Did anyone tell you feeling helpless won't make it hurt less?" Briar stated with his eyebrow raised.
Rupert turns away from him as felt tears started to brew in his eyes, he wiped them off quickly. "So you decided to change your point of view, I get it, but pathetic if you ask me." Briar continued, he went up to Rupert who still wouldn't look at him.
Briar was about to say something next to him when he heard voices coming from outside, he cursed as he glanced at Rupert. Rupert looked at Briar with his red puffy eyes, Briar quickly turn back into the smoke and disappear. Rupert sighed as a headache started to brew, he stood up as his stomach growled. It was time for dinner. He shook his head as he headed out of his tent.
At the cafeteria, everyone was eating dinner.
Charles, Ellie, and Henry were sitting with the Bukowski twins. Victoria was sitting with June, Sarah, Hayden, Hank, Drake, and Josh. Rupert was sitting by himself, much to no one's surprise. Rupert is a loner and doesn't like people much, but he tolerates his soldiers. And Charles, Victoria, and the Bukowski twins are his only friends. However, they have been avoiding him since he almost killed Henry.
Rupert numbly ate his food, but he wasn't very hungry. "You don't need to eat anyways, you're already fat from all the donuts you have been eating." Briar snickered in his mind.
"I'm not fat, I'm buff," Rupert muttered lowly.
"Yeah right. You eat more donuts than more people do." Briar snorted, "You're going to get fat."
"For your information, you succubitch," Rupert retorted, "All the weight gain goes through my muscle and my cock, and I'm okay with that."
Briar howled with laughter making Rupert angry in the process, Rupert's eyes began to turn orange upon Briar giving him images of donuts. Rupert closed his eyes as he put his face into his hands in frustration, he wanted to die right now. While Rupert was fighting with Briar, he didn't notice someone was watching him.
Henry was looking at Rupert without him noticing, he saw Rupert was acting off again. He wanted to ask him what was wrong, but he didn't want Rupert to lash out at him. After a few minutes of watching him, Rupert stood up quickly and left the cafeteria in a hurry. He didn't even bother to put his food in the trash. Everyone paid no attention to him which was weird, however, Henry was the only one who paid attention to him.
Later that night, Rupert was trying to sleep, but Briar was annoying him. Rupert wanted to kill him, however, he doesn't know how. He's not exactly an expert in demonology. He sat up as Briar started to snark about his life, Rupert was about to retort when he heard a noise coming from outside. He raised an eyebrow in confusion, he got up from his bed and put on his uniform.
He got out his gun and he quietly walk up to his tent flap, he was about to open the flap when he heard a voice.
"Rupert? Are you up?"
Rupert blinked in confusion, what is Henry doing here?
"Oh, would you look that?" Briar stated in a smug tone, "Look who's here."
Rupert quietly put up his gun as he ignored Briar, he open his flap a little. "Ya, I'm up," he responded in a whisper, "What do ya want?"
"To talk," Henry murmured.
Rupert paused to think about it. He didn't want to talk to Henry right now, but his tone sounded urgent. He sighed as he put a hand to his forehead in annoyance,   "Okay, hold on." he said tiredly.
Henry waited as Rupert turned on the light, he then open the flap to let Henry. Henry came inside the tent and stood in the middle of the room. Rupert close the flap and glanced at Henry. There was an awkward silence, Rupert crossed his arms as Henry rubbed his arm awkwardly. Rupert took a look at Henry's neck and saw the bruises from his attempted strangulation, he still feels guilty about that day. Rupert wanted to apologize to Henry about that incident, but he has a tough time apologizing to people.
"I know you want to apologize, but you can't." Henry stated, snapping Rupert out of his thoughts, "If there was any justice, you will be in jail right now."
Rupert flinched at Henry's tone as Henry continued, "But... I don't want you in jail. I know it sounds weird, but I don't think you deserve to be in jail. You're acting strange, and I'm...worried about you."
Rupert blinked at Henry's concern towards him, he never expected that. Also, he doesn't want Rupert to go to jail. While Rupert was thinking about what Henry just said and Henry was waiting for a response, Briar was getting impatient. "Time for me to take over." he thought.
Rupert felt something strange as he felt a headache start to brew, he groaned in pain as Henry noticed Rupert was acting off again. "Rupert?" Henry said tentatively.
Rupert didn't hear him as he sounded like he was underwater, then Rupert started to black out. Rupert fell forward as Henry let out a cry of shock, Rupert was on the floor with his eyes, unconscious.
"Rupert? Rupert? Wake up!" Henry exclaimed as he shook Rupert to wake him up, "Rupert!"
Henry checked his pulse and saw he was breathing which made Henry breathe a sigh of relief. Henry shook Rupert again as Rupert open his eyes wide open, Henry gasped upon seeing Rupert's eyes.
His eyes were not the golden yellow he is used to seeing and his sclera was not white. Henry saw Rupert's sclera was now black with his irises red, and his pupils were slits. Henry started to tremble in fear as Rupert stood up and his face held a smirk.
"Hello, Henry Stickmin."
A/N: I would add more, but I decided to this part was getting too long. You will find what happens next in the next part.
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camrynsthoughts · 1 year
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should I send this to u? I don’t think so.
using writing as an escape and to let out my thoughts has always been one of my simple pleasures in life so here I am logging back into my depressing Tumblr  account. I am sitting here on a Monday night at 11 pm, with a sore throat, listening to my “it’s the past for a reason” Spotify playlist. and of course, my brain can’t simply shut up and be quiet, it has to constantly be running and thinking. and guess who it decided to think about tonight? you.
it’s been almost two months since I heard from you last and I finally told you how I felt. and let me tell you, that shit was humbling. why did I think it was going to go any different than it did? I don’t know but it’s no surprise that I'm a tad bit delusional. so that was that and I guess I'll never hear from you again. I've done my best to ignore the fact that conversation had happened and that it was, like, really the end. but when will I learn that ignoring my emotions and pretending I'm in la la land isn’t a cure to my problems. then came last night, driving home from Bloomington and listening to music when my brain finally decided it couldn’t ignore the fact that you exist but not in my life. 
it’s such a fucking roller coaster of emotions because I know I did the right thing by saying how I truly felt about you still. and I know you did the right thing by saying you’ll stop randomly messaging me. but it’s so hard to realize that was actually the end.. or was it because I mean, we’ve said that a million times before. not the point though (this is the delusion talking). driving home from Bloomington last night, all I wanted to do was text you and ask if we could talk in your car. I just had this feeling in my gut that I needed to talk to you and nobody else. this conversation was only meant for you. you’d always tell me I could rant to you and get everything off my chest and I never had anything to get off my chest. but last night I finally did and you weren’t there. and that’s when it really fucking hit me hard that I have to get the fuck over it.
I've been so angry lately. I feel like you from before when we weren’t as mature. you were always angry and I never understood how someone could have so much anger in them, but holy fuck, I honestly get it. I'm such an angry human being and it’s so ugly. but I'm sick of being nice and happy and optimistic, holy fuck I just want to be a ball of anger. when I think of you, I get this mix of love and nostalgia but then it turns into this ugly anger. I know you’re living life and happier than before and that makes me happy for you but holy fuck I'm sick of being brainwashed for years into thinking I didn’t deserve happiness and love because I fucking do. and it enrages me knowing that everyone I know has it and I still don’t til this day. it’s not your fault but god damn I just feel so drained. and at this point I don’t have the capability to be sad. I don't remember the last time I felt sad. its just anger now. and I feel like such a bitter, jealous bitch but I don't care. I think I am allowed to be angry that everyone in my life that has thrown me off to the side is the happiest they’ve ever been while I still suffer silently with absolutely no one. 
I had such a strong urge Sunday night to talk to you, see you, anything. I knew that wasn’t tangible but I was just playing out in my head me somehow getting ahold of you. and then you’d say you’re in town and that I could drive over. I'd jump in your car and just go off. not even on you, but just in general. I want to scream and I want to release all my anger because holy shit I just want to cry. I can't get myself to cry. I have so many emotions I need to release and no one would get it but you. I'm just so fucking confused because I'm not mad at you whatsoever, but why did I get the shit end of the stick? I know I'm a good person and I deserve so fucking much in life and I don't get good things that come my way. I get stepped all over and treated like garbage and I'm so fucking sick of it. why do you get to be happy now and I don't get to be as well? its selfish but I just wish I understood the way that the universe works. 
im kind of going off on this tangent of being angry but since I can’t talk to you I guess I can just write this mess. its funny how I want to be a writer and this is the shit I write in my free time. very embarrassing because writing a diary entry isn't art Camryn. whatever that's not the point. you know, I've always wanted to send you my writing. but that would be kind of creepy because majority of it is about loving you. and also you’d then see how shit of a writer I am. but it’s also the purest part of me and I wish you could've gotten to see that. god I'm getting so off topic. but it’s my writing so I can do and say whatever really.
you know sometimes I think I’ll never get over this hurt that I was never enough for you. and I know it seems silly to say that but it’s how I feel and I'm allowed to feel how I feel. you always put me off to the side and you cheated on girls with me and I was always like this side piece and I knew it but I let myself believe I wasn't. you'd tell me I was the girl you wanted to end up being with and that now just “wasn’t the time”. so you’d talk and date other girls but then still talk to me on the side and feed me all this delusion that it’d be my time one day and that one day never came and it fucks with my head still to this day. I gave you three plus years of my life and I don't regret it at all but holy shit I wish I knew how it felt to be someone’s first choice. because lets be for real, I was never your first choice or you would've been with me and not hurting me. I remember I was so delusional thinking I actually had a chance at being your real girlfriend one day. it’s so hard when someone has hurt you so much yet has also given you the most love you’ve ever been given in your life. that’s why this shit tears me apart so much because I shouldn't love you still but god damn I still do because I don't think you're a bad person at all. I just wish I was given that chance but I never really got that, and if I did, I blew it by being psycho because I didn’t want to let you go again. I believe I ruined it for myself but I also believe I never really had a fair chance honestly because I don’t know if I'd ever be enough for you. or maybe I was too much for you. I could never tell which one was true.
I'll be honest, it pisses me off that you’re with the girl that caused me to officially leave you back in 2020. it pisses me off thinking about the possibility if I didn't give up on you that she could’ve been me. but also I don’t know what makes me think that could’ve even happened because you would’ve still chosen her over me and I know you would’ve. and that's why I left. and it seems like I was right because it seems like you guys are still going strong. but then that pisses me off even more because you aren’t even 100% loyal to her since me and you had our moments over the last year. and then it makes me realize that you haven’t changed. and I don’t know why you cheat on your girlfriends with me and I don't know why I believe if I ever did get that fair chance of dating you that you wouldn’t cheat on me. it pisses me off because I'm still In love with a cheater and I’m the one who can’t seem to be happy or find love. is this all making it make sense why I am such an angry person lately?
I know that kind of just dragged you and honestly, id say I apologize but if anything you kind of deserve it. but I'll make it even by filling you in on a secret. I never ever cheated on you, and I know I never would if I ever got the chance of being your only girl. but I cheated on my most recent ex. and no one knows because it’s fucked up and I'm embarrassed about it. so I can sit here and make it seem like you’re an asshole, and I mean you have had your asshole moments. but so have i. so I can’t hate you as much as sometimes I wish I could. sometimes I think this is also why I have so much anger in me. because I know I can be a hypocrite because god damn it camryn, why are you shitting on your first love for being a cheater when you went ahead and became a cheater as well? it was only a kiss. but then I also tried reaching out to you a few times when I was in my last relationship so that shows I didn’t love the dude like that. I still wanted you and it hurt. I'm honestly just so sick of feeling hurt and not enough. 
my recent ex was a fucking loser, bitch made, liar. but it gives me peace knowing I'll go so much further than he will in life. I was the brains in our relationship and I wore the pants and it was cool but I couldn’t date a guy like that. I like being recognized as being smart and a bad ass bitch but I need my man to be equal to that as well, not a sore loser. and that’s why I fucking love you so much because you’re the complete opposite of him when it came to everything I hated about him. he was so... dumb sometimes. but you, you are intelligent and I could sit down and talk to you for forever. I could never with him.  and don’t get me started on his music taste and fashion .... you’d roast me. 
where have I gotten with this writing? honestly no where but I can’t talk to anyone about this shit so this is all I got. i wish I could be sitting in front of you right now and just get every single little thing off of my chest without any judgement. I'm a mess and its not fun and I'm angry and sick of feeling like total shit. I'm sick of not feeling like I can be loved fully and loyally. but why would I even deserve that when I've cheated and I've helped people cheat? am I a good person? or am I just as shitty as everyone that I shit on? it makes you think. whether I'm a shitty person or not, I'm sick of feeling like shit. and I'm sick of seeing people who are as shitty as me be happy. like Im happy you're happy... but I wish I could be too at the end of the day. I wish I could be happy with you or without you but unfortunately, it’s been years and I'm still struggling. 
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bunni-blurbs · 2 years
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The Greatest High Pt.3
Mya: Locked in the bathroom, a tiny tap, followed by a loud come out! Made her want to sink further in, damn her for crying, damn her for not being professional enough to handle this trip with her boss, turned friend, turned boss again. No way they could ever, after all the bad blood, the lies, rumors, and betrayal, it’s like they were asking for punishment. Mya, please?! Talk to me. His voice was demanding but with a softness to it. I don’t want to talk about this! Why?! We are high in the air, no one can hear, just come out and face me! A burst of courage washed over her as she unlocked the bathroom door and walked right up to him. He towered over her in height, but she felt she was just as tall as him at that moment! You dated her! Why her?! She screamed and her tiny hands began an attack on his chest. I asked myself that every day, it was my biggest regret, it almost cost me everything, I worked so damn hard to get, that we worked so damn hard to build. She could hear regret, despair, and pain in his voice, could feel his heartbeat on her hands that had stopped their assault, but still didn’t move away. I’m sorry, I failed you, I saw how you looked at me that day, you pitied me. He stepped close to her, and she swallowed hard. Dropping her hands after his sudden invasion of her personal space. I only ever want to see... his voice trailed off, see what? Her hands rushed to pull him back to face her. I never pitied you; I was just hurt for you. I could feel your heartbreaking, the whole world was watching, and you held it together. But I heard you, inside here, she pointed at his heart. Pity means I feel sorry for you, I had empathy for your pain. She sighed and grabbed the ashtray with the joint they shared earlier. She was getting the hang of this flying thing, she had smoked less than ever before, or was it just this conversation thinking to herself for just a moment, she sat down on the couch in the living space, sparked up, held it for a few seconds and exhaled the smoke into the area around her, hoping to hide her face as she began, remember when I took those 3 days off? Yea...why? He sat down next to her. I got married and divorced in three days, on paper you know it’s gone but in this heart of mine, walls, more walls. Taking another puff to block his intense stare. I thought I loved him, though I knew him, he only wanted my money, bled me dry for half a million, and disappeared, she laughed but it was dripping with bitterness. I let him keep the money, but he was so far gone by then. The guy you said you needed to be removed because he was a threat to the company, I would have killed...she looked down to see his fist clench tightly to hide his sudden anger, which confused her but made her feel safe at the same time. I needed him gone, I’m sorry, I lied. Why didn’t you tell me, I could have... Coulda, woulda, shoulda, but he would have still had my money and maybe really hurt the company. FUCK THE COMPANY! It’s you...
Alex: It’s you... We have been friends for years, so why not tell me this. He looked at her half angry, half puzzled, halfway sad that she went through this alone. Would you have cared? The words cut him deep and somewhat caught him off guard. You were so far up her ass by then, she rolled her eyes. He caught her doing it just before the smoke filled the space between them again, thinking to himself, was it an impulsive or a jealous act? She whispered why her? Taking the joint from her, it was his turn to fill the area with smoke to hide behind. His voice barely above a whisper, why do you care? I don’t, she snapped back. He stood right above her, staring down at her, why you care, you want me for yourself or something? Smoking and blowing the smoke off to the side so that he could still see her beautiful face. I need pussy on the menu, if that’s the case, he taunted her. She hated it when he teased her in that way, she bit his head off about two years ago, come to think of it. Was that why? Did she? His eyes darkened with a new purpose in mind, as she shot up to her feet, from her lounging position, to begin her protest, he pinned her body next to the wall by the couch. She pushed at him, but he refused to budge, He whispered, tell me! His voice was low but still commanding. What were you going to say? She said with an eye roll. Don’t turn this on me, you are deflecting like you always do! He twirled a loose curl around his finger as he spoke, burying yourself in work, keeps you from feeling, our former business partner would tell me you would never entertain me, I was barking up the wrong tree, you weren’t that into sex, saying all of it came from your mouth, was any of it true? Or were you saying it to throw me off? Move! Make me? his voice came out a little husky and low. She pushed him but barely moved him by throwing her whole body into him, she caught him off guard, he didn't know how long he had wanted to feel her until he gripped her hips for support, resisting the need to feel his way to his own pleasure, she was so soft. Heat spread across his face, traveling and landing somewhere deep in his core. He was a man who knew what he wanted, could you really blame him? His life had been a mess, so why not take this chance for once? Suddenly realized that he had always wanted to touch her body like this, his fingertips featherlike as he traced a line down her back, gripping her hips slightly. He dropped his hands, and raised them slowly as he backed away, I’m sorry! He needed a tuck job in the worse way, his other head had thoughts on what should happen next. And not a single one of those had anything to do with a fucking apologizing, that’s for damn sure! Everything screamed, take what you want, but she was... His brain was interrupted by small delicate hands pulling him close by his shirt. Pulling him down to her 5′2 frame. Her voice was breathy as she whispered, just let me see one thing, her lips touched his lips, cautiously but firm. He leaned down, cupping her butt with his forearm, lifting her up to his 6′2 frame. She wrapped her legs around him as his tongue explored a mouth he so desperately wanted to kiss. He pushed her back against the wall, sliding his free hand up her thigh, wake up man, she is your friend, your natural instincts are beginning to kick in, and you will fuck her right here right now. He would have waxed that ass any day of the week, all she had to do was ask. She pulled back and he lowered her to the ground, stepping back. He turned away to hide his growing need to have all of her, sit down, take off your pants, I want to see. He was walking across the room but crossed the room quickly to be even closer than before, his hand grabbed both sides of her face, running his thumb around her full lips. Ladies first, like I said, I would like some pussy, if I’m going to be claimed. He didn’t want to say it, but he wanted her to be pissed just a little bit, letting her face go, with a smirk he said she gave me pussy first. Can you top it? Does it even get wet or is work the only thing that revs your engine? Or does work only get you going because you want to fuck me? Now, I’m going to sit right here on this couch, but you're going take off your dress and show me, raising his eyebrow as he sat down, maybe a little work motivation will help you, boss orders. His arm stretched on both sides of the couch. He watched her unzip the dress and step out. Bra, no panties? He licked his lips as passion threatened to boil over his self-control, she had that effect on him. He said it out loud and far from his head. She smirked, I hate underwear, I wear them for business. So is this pleasure he said as stood briefly to grab her to join him on the couch, locking lips with her once again before she pulled away to say, I will sign the contract, this will only exist in the air. I don’t have time for your brain to get back into work mode, licking his thumb, he lowered it, brushing tight circles over her clit, his thumb slid so easy, didn’t even need a pre-lick from him, she was soaked, his mouth watered at the thought of having her. Don’t make this harder on me, just stay with me. He whispered against her ear. His thumb made circles with the rhythm of his words, FUCK THE COMPANY, just fuc... He had laid her down on the couch as the sound muffled from his mouth replacing his thumb, she gasped, as her back began to arch but he pulled back, don’t cum for me just yet, can you handle it, bosses orders he whispered as he pushed his two fingers deep inside of her, creating a slow intoxicating rhythm, that was turning her into puddy in his hands. I think it’s only fair, you could have told me long before I met her. That I could have this sweet pussy, his tongue swiped lazily over her clit as his fingers curved slightly, AHHHH, yes, but don’t you dare cum on me. I can feel you begging, you are a greedy girl, but I will feed you, he could feel her gripping tighter, if you don’t relax, he kissed a line up her thigh to every word he said. Your kiss, going, kiss, to, kiss, cum... Then what will I have to do for you disobeying your boss?! 
Mya: Was this man trying to kill her? She had waited for this moment for so long! She couldn’t take much more, it had been so long, too damn long if you asked her, and self-gratification isn’t as good as some real dick or a head game that was sending her out of this world. It could move in and out she chuckled in her head. But then he pissed her off, how dare he rub in her face that his ex-wife gave him pussy and she didn’t. He never even looked in her direction, acted interested. But his voice was low, it dripped with sex appeal, power, control, and confidence. She was soaked the minute he started talking in that low tone. it was like liquid heat pouring into her core, from the second he rubbed that tight circle around her clit, her body was ready to gush. His hands were strong, but it was gentle enough to push her closure and closure. She moaned, why are you doing this to me? Through gritted teeth he spoke, I could have had this, but you kept it from me, so I will deny you sweet release for a bit longer. But he hooked his fingers just how she liked, just how she needed. How did he know, every single move he needed to make, he made without her saying a word, it was delicious, so good it was damn near sinful? It felt like he was trying to drag the orgasm from her even though denial was his punishment for her silence all these years. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, she squeezed her thigh together, you have to stop if you really don’t want me to cum, I can’t handle it anymore. His fingers stilled and he pulled them from her slowly, sucking her essence from his fingers as he looked into her eyes. His gaze felt hot and invasive like he could see all she was feeling in a simple glance, dropping her gaze from his. He lifted her head, speaking low and lustfully, no look at me and answer me this, do you want me to make you cum? Leaning in he kissed her hard on the mouth. opening her mouth giving his tongue permission to explore her mouth to deepen their passionate kiss. She could taste herself on his lips, it just intensified the feelings boiling over inside of her. Yes, she mumbled against his lips, dropping to his knee, he spoke slowly but strained I want you right here on the edge of this couch, she moved quickly there. Kissing up her legs, he bit her lightly as he said, legs up. Gripping her thighs, she spread her legs for him, he feasted upon her as if eating his last meal, and he left her screaming as he pushed two digits deep inside her. He pumped with intent like he was searching for something, rushing to find it. She gasped, tears fell from her eyes, ALEX! MYA CUM ON... If the boss says cum, you cum, okay?! Hooking his fingers in that delicious way that she loved so much, she screamed. the vivid colors danced behind her closed lids as she slid blissfully into her orgasm. He pulled away after a few licks that sent aftershocks mixed with chills all over her body. This couch is ruined, I can pay for the next cleaning! He chuckled stop trying to go back to work Mya, I like the Mya who wants to get a little nasty with me. He pulled her on top of him, and they were face to face, you seemed to have needed that a smirk danced across his face followed by a look of pleasure. Mya,,, his breath getting caught in his throat, as his head rested on the back of the couch, and he gripped her hips as he began to slowly grind with her. My turn now boss? You were so good to me, let me be good to you?! He gripped her hair and angled her sexy ass just enough to play with her clit. Listen, I’m always a gentleman but I’m not going to last at this moment, so I need you to cum with me, please? Kissing her lips as he kept with the tempo of the ride. A mix of moans filled the space as she began to swirl her hips in a slow circle, she could feel the damp threatening to burst once again, impossible, never more than once and sometimes not at all, but this man was going to hit two home runs if he wasn’t careful, she might just... Her thoughts interrupted as they both reached the climax of their pleasure, which she wanted and needed so badly. 
Pilot: Good afternoon, Alex, just a heads up, we will be landing in about 20 minutes. If you are not seated, please retune to them in about 10 minutes. Thank you, sir, and as always, it’s been a pleasure flying you and Miss Mya! 
Alex: He watched as she picked up her dress, He was still sitting like an idiot with his pants around his ankles. Do we talk about this? He stared at her avoiding eye contact with him suddenly. Damn those announcements, he was losing her before he had even gotten started. Talk about what? She had that Mya panic in her voice, she was about to spiral if he didn’t get a handle on it quick. ME MYA, JUST FUCKED MY BOSS, I PROVED EVERYONE RIGHT, I’M GOING TO HAVE TO QUIT MY JOB! She was pacing back in forward. PUT YOUR FUCKING PANTS ON MAN! DID YOU NOT HEAR THE PILOT?! Bend over! WHAT?! Pulling her over to him and bending her over the arm of the couch, thrusting deep into her core, he stroked slowly at first but speed up with each second that passed between their bodies meeting once again. Long strokes as he spoke firmly, did I not say fuck the company?! I would lose it all over again if it meant, pussy was always on my menu just like this! And to clarify MYA, only you can give me that kind of satisfaction! NOW GIVE IT TO ME!
Pilot: This is your 15-minute warning boss! Five minutes until seatbelt time!
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angelnumber27 · 2 years
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It’s a long shot that I could ever hate myself, I love myself — highly doubt you could say the same. You’re the one whose addicted, let’s not forget that. I see your posts and remember how fucking terrible you are. All you do is project, I wasn’t even talking about any subject matter; was literally just calling you a fiend, fentanyl whore.
awwww hahah ooooooookay lmfao whateeeeeever you say 🤣🤣🤣🤣 keep telling yourself that honey. if you loved yourself even in the slightest you wouldn’t send ugly hate anons to someone who doesn’t know you! That’s not how loving yourself works <3 you’re rancid and hateful and soooooooo MAD and that’s that :) I don’t do this gross childish shit like you and love myself more than it seems you could ever love anything. You have an ugly heart and a nasty ass attitude.
unfollow me if my posts make you remember how “fucking terrible I am” (false lmaooooooo) name one time I was “fucking terrible” baby girl.. if IM terrible what does that make you? Demented evil and irredeemable.
Would genuinely LOVE to hear what someone like you considers terrible and would LOVE to hear what you’re referring to. Because this is entirely unprovoked projection and I know for a fact I’ve done nothing to your random irrelevant ass. Clown.
I’m not the one projecting. My ask box literally says “don’t project” so I know you most definitely didn’t even know the meaning of that word bc clearly you dont have a very extensive vocabulary, so you just copied what my inbox said ☠️ And how dense are you that you cannot read the dozens of times I’ve mentioned that I am NO LONGER ADDICTED. You even got the drug wrong damn fool🤣 Haven’t been for almost a year and just watch, that’ll turn into several years. I’m so sorry (not) that that makes you SOOOO angry. But guess what? It has nothing to do with you. You have nothing to do with me. (Thank GOD) You’re someone who can easily be so UGLY even to strangers which makes me feel horrible for those who know you in real life and all of the other kind people/addicts in recovery you stalk and harass. You need to work on yourself a LOT, you need to try a LOT harder when it comes to reading comprehension and you need to start educating yourself (for once evidently) so badly and to find something better to do all day than taking the time and energy out of your day to do this childish immature ass shit. Are you nine years old? Have you never in your life known anyone effected by addiction? Id be surprised if you didn’t. Hope you don’t treat those people like you treat people on here. And do you just not have the mental capacity to understand that when someone gets clean from something, it means they’re no longer taking it? Like you really don’t get that???? LMAO. Do some extensive research and go to therapy regularly. You need it. This behavior is beyond disgusting, really hope you heal your ugly heart! 🖤 have a good life being horrible judgmental hateful bitter and jealous! None of that is my fault, or anyone else’s (it’s.. yours.) so you should stop taking all of that blatantly obvious self hate, pure ANGER and extreme insecurity out on people you’re jealous of or because of whatever disgusting urge you can’t control to attack people who don’t deserve it at all and are worlds better than you.
Why don’t you go try to do what I was on for four years and try to even go through 1/10000000000 of what I’ve been through. Doubt you’d survive in the first place. But keep speaking from a place of absolute idiocy and keep living your sad life of being unable to feel empathy :( You could NEVER do ANY of what I did, getting and STAYING completely sober from the most additive deadly substance on the planet at home by myself with no medical help. I did something beyond incredible and no matter what nasty people like you say, I’m so proud of myself and always will be :) as I should be. Clearly you could also never experience the extreme pain abuse and trauma I have and still be kind and loving to others (but you already knew that) you’d off yourself if you’d been through even the tiniest fraction of what I have. I’d hate myself too if I was like you :( so sad and horrid and SOOOO ANGRY. (Only difference is I wouldn’t take that out on other people who are doing better than me because I’m not an awful cunt) hope you don’t have anyone around you physically (I’m sure you don’t lol bc truly why would anyone want to be around that) because you obviously don’t have a shred of empathy or basic decency in that angry ass body of yours. I feel bad for you, it must be so hard to wake up this ignorant bitter and jealous every day.
I hope you get the professional help you desperately need to heal from your vile ugly heart and horrible personality bc this is so repulsive and so are you! If you need help finding therapists in your area I can send you links! :)
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3dayweeknd · 8 months
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here’s another totally unrelated vent
tw for implied sex related trauma
i seriously need Instagram to stop suggesting my first ex’s acc to me because I really don’t wanna know. i don’t wanna see how happy she is since she transitioned I don’t want to see how she has been able to keep friends around I don’t want to see that they’re thriving at their job and doing what they’re passionate about I don’t want to see that she’s better off than me and I don’t want to be reminded that I am stuck still living with what they did to me and will be stuck with it forever while they get to move on not knowing shit and not ever having to deal with that they did because she doesn’t even know how fucked up I am from what she did. I am glad she’s happy and better than the last time I saw her but I am more angry and bitter and jealous because she gets to move on without knowing what she did and I will live forever with what happened to me and it will affect every fucking relationship I could possibly have in the future and i am still without friends and without forgiveness and without healing and I hate them for that I hate them for being better off than me and seemingly happier than I am. I am just about the same as I was I am stuck just like I was and it feels unfair because I don’t deserve that but if I deserve better why do I feel like I’m not getting better what the fuck could be so wrong with me so that I am still feeling the same as I did when I was fucking 15 why do I have to still be sad and angry and bitter
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December 26 2022 1:44AM 
Another Christmas when I sit in the filth of my grudges and pain. I find myself awake at 5pm and alone in our room because Tiger went to go see his family from his mom’s side. Which only led me to thinking of my family. I got on my other Facebook and started stalking my family’s Facebook accounts. Feeling more and more bitter every second I scrolled. And just realized how much these people took away from me and how much they don’t care. I know I probably sound like such a brat again. But I can’t help it. I’ve been robbed of innocence and wholesomeness. I used to have big family Christmases. Presents and food and staying up until midnight and the cousins. I used to have 2 families to go to to celebrate the holidays. Now, I have none. No blood relative or legal relative who I could celebrate with. No presents either. Haven’t really received a gift in years really. And as much as I’d like to say that’s fine, it makes me sad. It doesn’t even matter what I get for Christmas, you know. But it’s the fact that I don’t have anyone in my life to want to give me presents because it’s the holidays. When I used to have so many. And I can’t really say it’s because I’m a grown adult. But I do not get presents. Everyone online had their own celebration with their families. Had their own complaints about going home for the holidays. The Christmas Spirit has left my life a long time ago. My life right now is just not meant to have the means to celebrate Christmas. And yes, I am jealous. I am envious of everyone who gets to expect presents during this time of year. Even on birthdays. I don’t have relatives reaching out to me to send me a greeting or anything like that. No relative to want to send me a couple of bucks for my birthday or the holidays. No relative or family to ask me how I am and how am I holding up. I went on my dad’s Facebook and saw that Tito Joey posted a picture of them just a couple of days ago. He hasn’t even tried to reach out to me. Not even to yaya to check on how I am. I wanted so badly to wreak havoc, you know. That triggered me. You talk about my dad but completely ignore my existence. And I did. I just posted a status on that Facebook saying “I’ll see you soon” and tagged my dad’s account. Only visible to the Lopez family. They don’t reach out to me at all. Don’t try to check up on me. And yes, nagpapapansin ako. 
This is the first time in a long time that I’m genuinely sad during the holidays. Maybe because I actually see what I’ve lost. And what this year has given me. The heartache I experienced this year. The betrayal. A lot of people hurting me, stoning me, until I no longer want to be cured. I do not want to heal. I want to remain cold and numb. I do not want to get better. I am afraid to build myself up again just to have someone tear me down. I’ve been disrespected long enough. 
I thought about everything with Tiger again. I thought about how much he mistreated me. How much he does not deserve any ounce of softness and gentleness from me. He hasn’t lost anything. I’m still here. I still live here. While I feel like I’ve been shred to pieces. While I feel like I’ve been shattered. Why, in anyway, should he gain anything from me? He fucking broke my trust. He broke his promises. He broke my heart. Stepped on me when I confronted. Gaslit me when I confronted. He does not deserve a place in my life at all. Yet, here we are. And I hate it. I hate how unfair this is all to me. I do not want to give him any ounce of myself. I am tired of being there for him. Any change he has made has not created an impact large enough to overshadow everything he did to hurt me. I have not forgotten. I cannot forget. And every night, before I fall asleep, I remember everything. I cannot forget. I am afraid of forgetting. I want to be indifferent towards him. I am so fucking angry. 
And I hate that every time I talk about him, I’m being told that I might give in and forgive him or that I probably am assuming the worst of him but they don’t even try hearing ME OUT. The ONLY reason why I even come up to them telling them about it in the first place is because I AM DONE. I never go to people with my problems when they are unresolved. I always try to solve them myself. But if I can’t, that’s when I start talking to other people about it. I never talk to people to get advice on trying to fix it. I TALK TO THEM TO LET IT OUT. 
I’m angry. I am hurt. I am hurt. I am hurt. I am angry. I am hurt. 
Sama ng loob lang nakukuha ko pag holidays.
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