#and I’m a bit scared of how I’d cope with that

[yoojinluv]

#I keep having these sleep paralysis symptoms (?) #the other day I woke in the middle of the night and I was so sure that someone had been whispering in my ear #saying my name and something else #when I shook that off and tried to fall back asleep I suddenly felt that someone was grabbing my arms and holding them down #and just last night I woke up because I was so sure there was someone running down my hallway toward my bedroom #and so I try to fall back asleep but I hear footsteps again #then I’m awake again #so I try to get to sleep once more and as I drift off I hear someone barreling down the hallway and they get in bed with me #in my dream (?) state I fugue it’s my ex bf and I say ‘you scared me’ #but I fully come into consciousness and no one’s there at all #after that #I tried to sleep again but every time I’d start to drift off I’d feel this immense pressure on my body like I was slipping away or somethin #something horrible would happen #. I had to scroll on my phone for a bit before I could actually get back to sleep #but anyway #all of this has had me thinking #I am currently living (still) with my ex bf at the moment #I need to decide if I’ll get a place for myself or if I’ll move back in with my parents #but idk how I’d cope dealing with this sort of thing in an empty house all by myself #honestly sleeping in my own empty house has always scared me #part of me is excited by the idea of having my own place #since I’ve never had a place just for myself before #but another part of me is frightened by the challenges I would face #I do get lonely #and I’m a bit scared of how I’d cope with that #choosing to stay with my parents would be a safe option #but I’m not sure id be too happy with myself if I decided to do that… #definitely at a crossroads here

[cringefuckass]

Here’s the first draft of the first chapter of that lute and adam focused fic. i have like two weeks before i can make an ao3 account, the invitation queue is LONG. so here’s this for now, i’ll probably revamp it a bit and maybe work on further chapters between now and getting a new account

Hell is not something you ever expect. When you don’t believe in an afterlife you don’t tend to see it coming when you end up there, and when you do believe in an afterlife you only see yourself going up. Never down, never to the fire and brimstone. When you only arrive once a year to exterminate the population of hell you also don’t normally predict to see yourself ending up there permanently as a resident, yet Adam and Lute have found themselves in this exact predicament. Perhaps rebelling against the Princess of Hell and her newfound proven system of redemption sounds like a sure-fire way to get there on paper, but hindsight is 20/20.

“This fuckin’ blows, man,” said Adam, kicking rocks as Lute walked behind him at a respectable distance. “How was I supposed to know Sera was bein’ that serious? One demon glowing white and going up doesn’t seem like a good enough fuckin’ reason to change everything!” He threw his arms up in an exasperated manner, barely aware of his surroundings.

“I agree, sir.” Lute replied, though she was aware he wasn’t looking for a reply. A small statement to fill the silence in between his own words was all he needed as he ranted and raved at the injustice he had been served.

“I mean, seriously, I’m not just some guy they pulled off the streets, I’m fuckin’ Adam, the original! Throwing me down here like I’m NOTHING. Can you fuckin’ believe the balls that must have took?” Lute nodded along as they walked to nowhere. They were aimless down here, walking for walkings sake, and Lute didn’t have the energy to question it. She might not be talking nearly as much as the original man, but she agreed with his statements. He was a leader, a man of virtue, and she was his right hand Exorcist. She thought it was some kind of abhorrent mistake that either of them should be here in this hole in the ground, let alone both of them. Theirs was a presence that demanded respect and honour but here they were, amongst the sinners. Speaking of which, there was a considerable lack of sinners out with them. Was it night? Was Hell always dark or was this their equivalent of nightfall? Lute wasn’t sure. Maybe, she smiled to herself, they were scared. Their wings, her mask and weapon gone, and it was still enough to send the demons away, shaking in their wakes. This was almost certainly not the case, but a bit of fantasy didn’t hurt to cope with the… unfortunate situation she found herself in.

“And you know what, hot stuff, don’t think I don’t blame you for your part in this bullshit,” Adam interrupted Lutes thought process. It took her a moment to realise his implication.

“Excuse me?” She stopped keeping his pace and came to a halt.

“You heard me! You’re supposed to be the one who keeps me under check, it’s apart of why you’re kept around! That and the badass kill count you rack up.” Adam paused his own walking when he realised she wasn’t at his side, though that quickly changed as she appeared in front of his face in less than a second, her hand gripping the collar of his white robe pulling him down to her eye level.

“My job is to do as you say, not babysit you.” Her voice was low and steady. “If I thought my loyalty was misplaced I’d have left you to it. Do not,” she spat, “blame me for your own idiotic ideas. All I did was support my superior.” With a flick of her wrist she let go of his collar, making him stumble before regaining his stance. For a five foot-nothing bitch she sure could throw him around like he was nothing. He wasn’t to going to think about that too much.

“okay, okay, calm your tits.” Adam crossed his arms over his chest in an attempt to seem nonchalant after having his ass handed to him in less than five sentences. It had been his idea. He was the one who convinced Lute to join him in going against Sera’s acceptance of the princesses plans. Granted, she hadn’t needed much convincing at all, he was more than aware of her own distaste to the sudden change. Looking down at her he felt compelled to ask why she was still here at all. He fucked up, and now he had gotten them both cast down to the blazing abyss. “So like, why are you tailing my dick down here still?”

Lute allowed herself a moment before replying. “I have my loyalties. Just because we no longer look over an army doesn’t mean you’re not still my commanding officer.” A pause. “And just because you fucked up doesn’t mean I’d abandon my post.” He could almost say he was thankful that despite everything she was still here instead of leaving him to wallow like he definitely would have if not for her eyes on him forcing him to keep himself up. If there was ever a time to attempt to open up and try to show his appreciation for her sticking around it would be now. It was the perfect opportunity to express a level of gratitude he has never and probably will never show to a woman again.

“Wow… forget big dick energy, I must have humongous dick energy to still have someone this loyal in Hell! Ha!”

#hazbin hotel #lute x adam #lute hazbin hotel #adam hazbin hotel #fanfic #hazbin hotel fanfiction

[boots-with-the-fur-club]

Decided to post the final chapter a day early! No Fun in Fungus chapter 5! I’ve submitted myself to @tmntaucompetition and the submissions close tomorrow if you wanted to submit this au as well! Thank you to everyone for supporting and reading!

@daboyau

@theawesomeninja-xd

@nights-flying-fox

@phoebepheebsphibs

“What did we do!?” Leo shouts in confusion.

“I know there’s something you want to apologize for. Even if it’s not your fault.” Mikey insists.

Leo glances away then takes a breath and looks at Donnie.

“I’m sorry about S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N.”

“It seems Mikey can apparently tell the future now because I have no idea why you’d apologize for that.” Donnie deadpans.

“I sent him to go protect gram-gram. He was destroyed because of me.”

“He was destroyed because the Krang loves hurting our family and possessed our extra great grandfather. I’m just glad you didn’t try to do something stupid like face him alone. It would have been your parts I’d have to find scattered around.”

“But….Donnie, you loved S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. How are you not upset? You hate when I break your inventions, and he was way more than just an invention.”

“Are you kidding? You’re really asking me that? I can’t rebuild you! You are not easily replaceable, Leo! I know what I say and how we joke around but I thought that’s just what we did! Do you think I mean everything!? That I want you to be like gram-gram!? Like all the Hamato before us!? No! When I told you to sacrifice yourself to buy us time I said it because you like jokes! I-I didn’t say it so you could go jump into a portal to save the world! Screw the world! Screw all of it if it means I lose anyone!” Donnie ends up tearing up at the end.

Leo feels a lot of guilt creep up inside him. He was very aware about how being in the prison dimension and getting so hurt affected everyone.

At least he thought he was.

“I don’t think that, I’ve never thought that! You guys know I don’t just do this kind of stuff whenever, right?” Leo frantically looks between the three of them.

None of them can meet his gaze.

The guilt turns into a bit of hurt.

“Jeeze, you sacrifice yourself for the sake of the world once and suddenly you’re the craving death guy.” He deflects.

“Leo!” Mikey shouts, eyes starting to glow again.

“You’re joking now? Right at this moment? Am I hallucinating again? You can not be serious!” Donnie joins in on yelling.

Leo looks away from them, eyes landing on Raph.

He’s the only one who doesn’t get angry which surprises Leo. The anger was there at first, he could see it, then it flickered to something else.

Realization.

“You told us and I never thought you were bein serious.”

Donnie raises an eyebrow.

“Told us what exactly?”

“That he jokes to cope. You’re not telling jokes because you don’t care, you’re telling jokes because you’re afraid.”

Leo bites the inside of his cheek.

“I thought I was pretty obvious about it until you guys kept coming after me during the first Shredder situation. If I don’t joke, then I just stop moving and that leaves all of us without portals!”

“Why didn’t you just tell us? It sounds like you were scared the entire time!” Mikey frowns.

“Of course I was! He turned Draxum into a freaking raisin and almost killed dad! How could I not be scared!? What good would telling you I’m scared be? So you could do what? Actually, let me tell you exactly what you’d do. You’d do what you’ve been doing since Mikey rescued me and ignore everything just to make sure I’m okay. We didn’t have the time for that back then.”

“How often do you not tell us how you’re feeling just because it’s inconvenient or a detriment to the mission?” Donnie narrows his eyes.

“Have you considered how much I do say what I’m feeling only for you guys to say I’m being paranoid or messing around? Oh Leo, we should trust the weird spider lady. Leo, stop spraying the bugs to protect this guy from getting mutated. Who cares if we might get hurt during the mutant panic?”

Leo regrets his words as he sees the look of hurt on Raph’s face.

He sighs heavily.

“It’s not on you, big bro. The bigger problem is we kind of all ignore each other? I’m still afraid of bringing up the pizza puffs incident because I’m worried you’ll blow a blood vessel. Donnie got pretty mad about the pizza pigeon too. And then….” He trails off, remembering just how badly he messed up.

“Maybe that’s because we weren’t paying attention to your feelings then either.” Mikey says softly.

“No, what I did was all my fault. You and Donnie could have died.”

“You chose the wrong thing to do, but you were….really messed up, Leo. You didn’t even have much time after your panic attack. We should have taken over for you, or at least try to make you see you weren’t okay.”

“Then….I’m sorry that for as much as I talk, I don’t say what I need to say as much. I’ll try to do better, try to help us all do better.”

Mikey smiles brings him over, nuzzling his cheek against his.

“I suppose it’s my turn now. I am sorry for….a lot of things. I….know how I can be. While I have come to terms with the fact that there are parts of me that I should accept and never change, I do realize what you all put up with sometimes. I don’t always take care in focusing on what you all do for me, small things that can be taken for granted. I want you all to know that no matter what I say or do, I would still personally tear out the still beating heart of anything that comes after us. Then, I would put it on display as a warning.” Donnie says that last part nonchalantly.

There’s a few seconds of silence before Donnie is pulled into the collective hug.

The others are crying.

“Donnie, we love you too!” Mikey sobs.

“That was beautiful, Dee.” Raph sniffles.

“I’ve never heard you say something so emotional, kinda liking the mushy side.” Leo smiles through tears.

Donnie can’t help but tear up too.

He really did love his family more than anything.

Mikey soon lowers everyone down, the chains disappearing as well.

“Can Raph ask how you did all that now!?” Raph grips him by the shoulders.

“I….I don’t even really know. I just thought our family was going to fall apart and it just happened.” Mikey answers.

Donnie glances around.

“Your chains managed to get rid of a lot of the spores. I think the mushrooms must be weak to light like yours.”

Mikey’s eyes light up.

“I can make those things go away?”

“That’s my working theory, but…..I worry about your arms. I’m surprised that they aren’t hurt again now.“

“There is a pretty big difference between chains and opening up a portal to another dimension.” Leo comments, subtly checking over Mikey’s arms.

Mikey hums as he tries to think of a solution.

“Donnie, could you make a weapon?”

He makes a gun and hands it to him.

“Donnie!” Leo and Raph shout.

“Oh calm down, it’s just a dart gun.”

Mikey imbues the weapon with some of his ninpo.

“I need a mushroom to test it out on.”

Raph picks up Leo and Donnie in one arm and Mikey in another.

“Let’s find you one then.”

He carries them all off and together they carefully search for the mushrooms.

Eventually several start making their way towards them and Mikey shoots.

The bodies shrivel up almost right away at the ninpo dart stabbing them.

“Alright Mikey!” Leo cheers.

“If it’s his light that does it….then maybe these will work!” Donnie creates three UV light flashlights.

He hands two to Raph and Leo and wriggles out of Raph’s hold.

“Let’s make these mushrooms which they never evolved.”

The brothers start exterminating every single mushroom they come into contact with.

It feels nice to be able to take out the things that have been torturing them all night.

It’s almost cathartic. They couldn’t truly destroy the source of their fears, but they could waste some crappy mushrooms that triggered their PTSD.

“Do you think that was the last of them?” Raph questions after a lot of walking yielded no more mushrooms.

“When this kind of thing happens in movies, isn’t there usually one big version that controls the others?” Leo answers with his own question.

“I hate where you drew that conclusion from, but I hate that you’re right even more. My goggles picked up a much larger amount of mystic energy in one of the tunnels.” Donnie adds.

“Then we know what we gotta do. Those things aren’t going to hurt anymore people. Everyone on board?” Raph looks around.

Everyone nods with the same look of determination Raph has.

They grab their real weapons for good measure before heading down the tunnel Donnie got the reading from.

He and Mikey walked behind Raph who had Leo using his arm for assistance walking again.

Mikey can’t help but still feel a little afraid of the darkness they leave behind as they walk with their lights.

Donnie gently, purposefully bumps his hand against Mikey’s.

Mikey smiles a bit and holds his hand.

He smiles more when he notices Donnie’s tail wag.

After a good amount of walking, they come across the end of the tunnel that goes to a large opening.

Inside was a colony of the smaller mushrooms surrounding a humongous one.

“Let’s slice him up like he’s going on a pizza.” Raph readies his weapons.

The mushrooms start coming at them all’s

Leo opens up portals to send him and the others to different locations.

Raph mows down the mushrooms with his projection and Donnie supplies some clones with more UV lights.

Mikey jumps and flips around like crazy using mainly his legs as he shoots at the mushrooms. It’s freeing, not focusing on what he can’t do for once.

Donnie made grander, larger weapons with every launch of his ammunition. He let himself go all out. Therapeutic in its own way.

Leo may or may not be taking too much advantage of being able to use his portals again. They were useful in this chaotic fight sure, but it also meant a lot to be able to move around better.

This is the first fight they’ve had since the Krang and each of them felt like they got something back from it.

They keep fighting until the big mushroom finally ends up the same way as all the smaller ones.

The ones that were still alive also followed suit.

Now that the fight was over, they dragged themselves back to their home. It was entirely too late in the night and everything they went through was exhausting in its own right.

Mikey looks up at Raph, eyes almost closing, and makes grabby hands.

Raph feels his heart swell. It’s just like when they were kids.

He lifts him up, cradling him like he did Leo at the beginning of this whole situation.

Leo smiles tiredly at seeing them.

“Remember when you tried to convince me you were older and I said that all big brothers give piggy back rides? I can’t believe you and your big brain fell for that.”

Donnie considers this and suddenly stops right in front of him. When Leo almost falls over on him, Donnie takes the opportunity to get him on his shell.

“I am older.”

Leo rests his chin on Donnie’s head.

“Fine, just this once.”

Raph and Donnie carry their brothers to Raph’s room.

When Donnie, Mikey, and Leo are in the bed, Raph grabs his fluffiest possible blanket out of his collection and pulls it over all them after he’s wrapped himself around.

Donnie had his arm spread over Mikey and Leo who were cuddled up together.

Mikey also held Raph’s tight in his arms like it was the world’s most comfortable teddy bear.

They all drifted off to sleep, knowing that even if there were more nightmares, they’d deal with them.

None of them would ever be alone.

#no fun in fungus #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt #2018 tmnt #rise of the tmnt #rise fanfiction #rottmnt fanfiction #tmnt 2018 #fanfiction #rottmnt michelangelo #rise leo #rottmnt angst #rise angst #rottmnt leo #rise mikey #rottmnt donnie #rise donnie #rottmnt raph #rise raph

[nerves-nebula]

I sometimes get uncomfortable around arguments about if certain characters are abusive or not- obviously I see this the most with 2012 tmnt and nobody really needs my opinion but I keep thinking about it so here’s some words to chew on.

Keep in mind I haven’t seen much of 2012 so I’ll mostly be talking about the WAY I see these discussions being had here, rather than the show itself.

I doubt the creators intended for the turtles to be abusive and I kind of just assume that everything they do is within the genre of slapstick kids show. But I also don’t think people who cringe away from the way they treat each other are reading too much into it.

I’ve seen people argue that ppl who think the brothers are abusive just don’t have siblings and that’s an insane take to me. Obviously its probably hyperbole in some instances but as someone with more siblings than most of the people I know, I 100% see the abuse reading of this series. It’s a very obvious idea to latch onto for me as someone who HAS been abused by my siblings- and who’s probably been abusive too.

The main thing that really gets under my skin is when people point out how much the turtles actually care about each other as evidence against abuse. Cause that doesn’t make any sense ??? you can abuse people you love and care about deeply.

And it really rubs me the wrong way when I see a post that’s like Raph can’t be abusive because he does X nice/cute things with Mikey or something like. That’s not how abuse works. You guys have to know that right?? Abuse isn’t just a person being mean 24/7 without pause.

A bit of a tangent coming up, but growing up, I really hated Mabel from gravity falls. not because she is inherently any more annoying or selfish or anything than other characters but because the way she treated dipper was extremely triggering for me as a child with a lot of anxiety. Like if Mabel was real and my sibling, I would’ve considered a lot of the shit she did abusive. Obviously I’m normal about her now cause I’m not 12 anymore but the biggest hurdle about watching that show when I was younger was that I would sometimes be brought to tears of frustration, imagining how scared and distressed I’d be if Mabel did that shit to me.

THE POINT of this tangent is that saying “the 2012 turtles aren’t abusive because I do that stuff with my siblings all the time/cause teenage boys are just like that” isn’t a genuine critique because abuse isn’t just about the action it’s about the relationship. Punching your sibling who’s actually ok with being punched isn’t abuse. Punching your sibling who really doesn’t want you to, and who you KNOW really doesn’t want you to, and who you KNOW would be genuinely upset by being punched? That is abuse.

And I find it annoying because I think we’re all aware that abuse was likely not the intent of the show. (Probably not even the text of the show but once again can’t say for sure) Maybe some dysfunction for drama, but probably not abuse, so you’re really just arguing against someone’s headcanon/personal interpretation of this show. And it’s like.. ok you have a different reading cool I guess.

In the show they aren’t treated as abusive, but fandoms are built around exploring different aspects of art that weren’t explored in canon. So I guess idk why this is a big deal.

Idk I think people have this idea that abusive = evil and always wrong. But abuse is just someone hurting you repeatedly and refusing to stop for whatever reason.

And with a show like 2012 where it’s all played for laughs it can be hard to tell if that’s how they are with each other because they’re ok with it or if that’s how they are cause they don’t know any other way. The turtles are kind of really mean in 2012, and wether that’s a familiarity kind of meanness or not is up to you in fandom, yknow?

Does Mikey actually consider Raph hitting him as like a fun part if their banter or is he coping with jokes about being physically abused? You decide! Like genuinely it can be either and I think that’s fun!

I mean obviously you all know what i’d pick, but that’s because I’m blissfully aware of what I want out of stories and what i want is nuanced discussions of abuse.

Personally, I acted very similarly to the 2012 turtles when living with my siblings, but I didn’t actually fucking like it. It was a defense mechanism because being genuine would only be met with ridicule. So I’m not inclined to agree that it’s fine because it’s just what they do.

Once again though, I doubt it was on purpose. And if you don’t think that they’re abusive then congrats! The show probably doesn’t either! So I just don’t see why people get super upset about it. Don’t you love that someone got a different story out of the same media??

Anyway obviously it doesn’t super matter and I don’t really have a horse in this race. I just got a bit annoyed with the way abuse is discussed and as a hobbyist Abuse Analyst I thought I’d weigh in.

I wrote this instead of going to sleep and it’s sooo late and also so much longer that I meant for it to be… y’all better not have bad takes in response or I’ll be annoyed as hell tomorrow morning, guh.

#nnstuff #rambling #tmnt 2012 #abuse tw #child abuse tw

[skemford]

I like talking about bendy characters so it’s time to touch up topic of… Joey Drew himself

Doing it before fade to black release on purpose :)

Here’s my analysis of his behaviour and on the illusion of living philosophy

It’s a huge read and I’ve enjoyed writing it!

(Continuation under the cut)

1. Joey’s family situation was hard on it’s own

Joey doesn’t talk about his parents way too much and mostly focuses on story elements (his father being a shoe maker and how his parents affected his childhood) rather than on his parents as their own people.

They weren’t rich and Joey talks about their family earning a “honest living” but at the same time, he describes how hard it was for his father.

“We weren’t rich. There was an honest living to be earned and Father did that with Mother keeping the books” (TIOL, page 18)

“I definitely saw her (mother) more than I saw Father, who sometimes would only appear briefly at the dinner table, hunched, brow furrowed, silently eating his meal. He’d disappear downstairs right after, and I’d help Mother with the washing up. (TIOL,page 18)

He comments on his father creating fake scenarios (elves helping him to work) to distract from hardship of needing to work a lot to be able to feed their family.

Joey has hard time of understanding ‘why’ he does that and how fantasy can help to work but he wants to believe. He tries to prove to himself that magic can be real.

"I didn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe it” (TIOL, page 19)

“I couldn’t see the elves. They must have been sitting on the table itself, hidden behind Father. I pushed the door open just a little bit and stood taller on my tiptoes.” (TIOL, page 21)

Joey switches between wanting to believe in illusions and not wanting to. He’s scared of not being perceived as normal by others.

He says that it’s not okay to be deep into the fantasy but notes on the fact that he can grasp the concept.

“I knew about make-believe. Played it all the time with my friends. But I didn’t know that adults knew about make-believe too. I nodded. (TIOL, page 23)

After he asks his father directly, he explains his reasoning and says that make-believe helps to feel less lonely (I’ll note on this part, it’ll come in handy later) which changes Joey’s perspective greatly:

"But the make-believe, the little characters, the songs, that changed his reality. What was reality except what we perceive it to be? Elves and magic? Well, why not? (TIOL, page 24)

It’s everything we’ve got to know about his family.

Hard working to earn money for living, using escapism to cope and distant from each other because of their struggles.

This distance likely has continued to grow with years, since for some reason he escaped his home when he was 15 y.o (+ signed up to army); no one seems to actually care and he was left on his own.

1.1 Stage name

Talking about Joey’s distance from his family, he doesn’t use his real family surname or full form of his name.

It’s not something that was explored a lot in Bendy (among all of its content) but we know that he doesn’t like to be referred this way.

'Joey’ was a nickname that he picked up for himself when he was 19 y.o.

"I’m Detective Adam Sinclair. You’re Joseph Drew.” “Joey,” I said. It was a new nickname I was trying out, ever since I moved to the Village. (TIOL, page 88)

Usually he’s referred as 'Joseph’ by his family members or people who are distant to him/don’t know him well.

But "Joey” is not the only one name he gave to himself.

'Drew’ doesn’t look like a real surname. He likely picked it up after getting close with Henry.

Imo Drew is a fun pun name that’s related to Joey owning the studio (and “Joey drew Studios” (literally) in the case of the cycle)

It has never sounded real.

Employees handbook mentions some “Dempsey” person who invests their own costs into the studio:

(Receipts: Investor Deposit, J. Dempsey)

Their initials are “J.D.” which makes it’s obvious who they are.

Joey’s house also doesn’t look rich which would make sense if he put all his earnings into the studio itself.

Bendy devs like to pick names that fit characters & “Dempsey” means “arrogant person” which does fit Joey perfectly.

1.2 Joey is deeply ashamed of the way his family lived.

Everytime someone mentions anything he associates with his past (shoes, for example) he overthinks and creates imaginary conflicts with these people.

His negative thoughts about them take whole paragraphs of text; he tries to make himself believe that he doesn’t care about looking “less” in someone’s eyes. He looks for reasons why they're worse than him constantly.

"Probably trying to figure out my past, and that was none of his business. Then I told myself it didn’t matter because I didn’t care what he thought. I didn’t care much for him in general. He might have been richer than me at the time, but that’s where his superiority ended." ( TIOL, page 26)

He often downplays people because he's deeply insecure and is scared of being outcasted, especially by rich successful guys.

After doing so,he switches toward praising himself and names reasons for why he's better (classic Joey Drew behaviour)

He was a year younger than me, hadn’t fought, hadn’t signed up like I had, hadn’t lied about his age to fight for his country like I had. What could he say to an answer like that?Nothing. Absolutely nothing (TIOL, page 26)

Не believes that they need to feel sorry for this because they have no idea how much he struggled in the past.

2. He's insecure & scared of things he can't control

I could've continues this in previous paragraph but it's a bit different.

You see, while Joey was insecure of his past (things he associated with it acted as "triggers") he still was full of himself.

It was an act but it looked convincing enough; with time it became harder for him to keep it up.

It easily explains his behaviour in batim tapes.

When Joey tries to reassure everyone that he knows what's going on, he actually doesn't. He's as lost as everyone else, he tries to act only when he's forced to do so.

He lies to people and runs away from responsibility because he's scared of abruptness, something out of his control.

Joey shows fear of everything that's unknown to him but he tries to play it off somehow: he tries to be on top and be unpredictable to others.

He treats himself as a human that lives around unpredictable fictional characters that he can't control or read intentions of.

"My father though was a real person. I knew that deep down. But in this moment I saw him not as a son looking at his father but as a viewer looking at a fictional character." (TIOL, page 50)

It's mentioned in the novels that Joey likes theatre and he expresses his thoughts about it to Buddy in dctl.

Theatre operates in "cycles":

Actors play their parts→ the audience applaud→ actors bow→ performance ends→ performance begins and so on.

It's has a pattern and won't introduce anything that will caught you off guard. It's "safe" and as a part of audience,you don't need to perform, you only watch.

Does it remind you of batim's cycle? Outside of holding grudges toward Henry and wanting to run away from everything Joey has performed with GENT, he also searches for control while not being included directly.

HE decides what will happen to the cycle residents. HE writes the story that other people can barely affect. HE blames other people for studio's downfall and makes them suffer for his wrongdoings.

Joey knows that he has failed but he can't process it. He doesn't know what will happen and he's scared of being put into situations he can't predict.

It's really shows how insecure he became with years.

3. Why Henry is important?

Why exactly Joey couldn't replace one man he didn't knew for a really long time? What made Henry so special to him?

We don't get a big insist on their friendship but it can be said that their short-lived bond was strong or at least Joey believed that it was.

Henry seems to be Joey's role model of sort even if Joey doesn't want to acknowledge it.

Joey notes on how Henry changed the course of his life without knowing about this

Henry is a determinated man who went for a career in art because he knew what he wanted & he stayed on this path no matter how hard it was to get any recognition.

Henry's the man who makes decisions and acts when he needs to.

Meanwhile, Joey feels lost his whole life. He searches for answers,purpose or a place with a "soul".

Henry gave him new meaning for life. Creative path with endless possibilities that Joey could build from scratch.

Joey was heartbroken when Henry left, doesn't matter for hard he tries to act like he wasn't.

"His presence was helpful, I can happily admit, but his absence was even more so. Not having him at the studio ended up being one of the best things that could have happened to it" (TIOL, page 138)

For some time his life was revolving around Henry. He knew what to do and what will happen, Henry always pushed him to the right decisions.

He says so directly in batim chapter 5:

"The truth is, you were always so good at pushing, old friend... pushing me to do the right thing"

With loosing Henry, Joey lost his newly gained purpose in life. It wasn't something that he was able to figure out by himself & it made him blind to the road that lies ahead.

He's angry at Henry for being like "other people" that he hates. For leaving him behind when he's scared of being alone.

We don't know about Henry's perspective much but he strikes me as someone who would be supportive of Joey at first.

He made some of Joey's ideas real and left only after a breaking point.

3.1 "Cartoon family"

Joey is deeply attached to main JDS toons that he "mutually" owns with Henry.

Especially, it's noteciable with toon Bendy who was called his child on a couple of occasions:

"Bendy was Joey’s child, and he felt just as strongly about Bendy as I feel about my flesh-and-blood son" © Nathan Arch (TIOL, page 5)

"He was my very first creation—one could even call him my firstborn." (TIOL, page 12)

Joey not only sees Bendy as his child but he also relates to him.

He draws parallels between them both, calls bendy manifestation of "the illusion of living" and shows some of his mannerisms (as he says)

Joey wants to see himself as Bendy.

A character who's loved by kids and adults alike and who always has friends around.

"I tell people that Bendy is the perfect example of my philosophy." (TIOL, page 12)

"To know that I needed a creation so perfect, so accessible to so many people, that it would help me change the way the world saw itself." (TIOL, page 13)

In Joey's apartment the only one picture in frame that he owns is illustration/animation cell of toons drawn by 'Henry Stein':

They're depicted holding hands with Bendy being in the middle of both; it's portrays closeness between them and Bendy's importance in the picture

But was it's actually signed up by Henry or Joey is the one who did it for himself?

We know from batim (and batdr notes) that Joey's signature is "your best pal" which makes this case...a bit complicated

Joey could've wanted to pretend that Henry is still close to him and decided to sign up drawing with his name

Or possibly it was signed up by Henry somewhere in the past. In this case, Joey could've adopted Henry's signature as his own.

Both speculations have place to be real and we can't prove any of them.

Joey's known for pretending (which would fit with the 1st possibility) but he's also stuck in the past and stole a lot of ideas that belong to other people.

Imo it can be interpreted based on the way you see him.

4. Why was Susie fired?

Joey's obsessed with everything that is related to Bendy which can be seen with him being angry about "crooked bendy dolls" or bendy expression sheet in batim ch 2.

We can speculate that Susie Campbell wasn't fired from the role of Alice's voice actress for any valid reason BUT because Joey felt personally offended.

As Norman says in dctl, Alice Angel was really popular for a bit, which possibly could have been unacceptable for Joey.

Bendy is the main character Joey relates to and he wouldn't have wanted to be overshadowed in any way.

Susie being fired and humiliated (for not knowing that she was in fact fired) is the consequence of Joey's insecurity.

Susie claims that "she was absolutely perfect for the role" at first so at some point Joey completely changed his perspective.

Any character getting attention would be good for the studio. Firing a voice actress that helps to get this attention lacks logical reasoning.

After Joey "calms down" he has a conversation with Susie about 'an opportunity' he has for her. This opportunity is Susie being the first (speculated to) human sacrifice. He believed that she'd have been a perfect Alice.

Joey puts Bendy above Boris and Alice (like he does with himself & other people) so him acting pitiful about any other character getting popular does makes sense.

But he still cares about them...to some degree.

"Boris was special, Alice was complicated." (TIOL, page 154)

Joey having complicated feelings with Alice as character is really interesting and it's perfectly reflects what he was thinking about Susie.

She was a perfect voice actress to others but wasn't to him. He thought that she'll be a perfect Alice (after the ink machine was created) but she failed to be.

"She was beautiful. And loved by all. She was perfect...No matter what Joey says." (batim chapter 3, Susie talking about herself in 3rd person)

In dctl he claims that he relates failed experiments to "people not being real enough" or says that they weren't pure.

At the end, Joey basically has decided to pretend that she never was real

Susie is never mentioned in his memoir and she's almost fully erased from studio's history.

In Batdr's studio tour (music department part) "Susie Campbell" was replaced with "Allison Pendle"; meaning that Allison is officially the only one Alice Angel voice actress according to him.

5. The ink demon

It's one of the most interesting parts here and I'm sure that a lot of people have talked about him better that I'll.

The ink demon is a "product" of mistreatment, Joey's unhealthy projecting and capitalism (duh)

Joey saw Bendy as his son

He wanted to be like Bendy, someone who's loved and can always escape from troubles

One of reasons to bring Bendy to life is his marketability. Joey wanted "alive attractions" he can get money from.

The ink demon wasn't able to fullfil any expectations that Joey had.

He was passive and harmless (at first) but to Joey, he's not a cheerful toon that he has always dreamed about.

One of main issues that Joey has with him is that he's off-model:

"Listen Tommy, i know you boys over at Gent are doing your best but I'm paying for living attractions,not walking abominations. Whatever that grinning thing was i saw walking around your office,you better keep it up locked tight! Might scare off investors!..." (batim chapter 5)

"Grinning thing" and "walking abomination." The ink demon is completely dehumanised because he's not marketable.

As it was mentioned earlier, Joey sees Bendy as a perfect being and relates to him

He doesn't want to relate to the ink demon; for this reason, he separates them both.

Joey has hard time with accepting "failures". They either get forgotten, dumped or he tries to change them somehow.

The ink demon is a mistake that Joey and GENT have tried to "fix" for years. "A monster" that has shattered Joey's dreams.

5.1 The ink demon's sense of self

It's Joey character analysis so this point won't be too big.

The ink demon was treated like a mistake for being different:

Closed off, isolated, put in the cycle,tortured.

He was in the place where no one would care because he's not "a perfect bendy". Most of it comes from Joey or is related to him in some way.

Everyone saw him as a monster and he has accepted this role.

We know how it went in batim/batdr.

Worth to mention that unlike Joey, he has never lied in batdr. It's either harsh truth or projecting.

6. Ink Children

Allison was close to Joey and had a good impact on him,as he claims.

Indirectly, she made him want to have a family with the help of the ink machine.

I doubt that this decision has come from the place of jealousy toward Henry (who has a family) unless future content will somehow prove that I'm wrong. Joey can have one good intention while failing everywhere else.

Joey could've wanted to have a family to prove that there's still something good in him.

He was scared of dying alone and being forgotten.

"I hadn’t known that at the time. It gave me chills. The thought of success only after death, now that terrified me. That was not the plan and would never be the plan" (TIOL, page 122)

We don't know how many children have perished until the final, perfect one. And we can't claim what exactly has happened to them.

We don't get much details about the creation process of artificial "almost humans".

The only one we heard (outside of Audrey) is "AD" (name of the file) from batim chapter 5

"Tell me another one,uncle Joey..." ("AD" in batim post credits)

And sadly,you can't say much based on this.

They could've been physically unstable and die on their own terms

(milk packages from Joey's kitchen table in batim chapter 5. All of them were stained with ink)

If they stained object with ink by interacting with them, it could've become worse with time.

Again,with lack of context,it's almost impossible to debate for or against this idea. Was that's a thing for other ink creatures?

Susie does brings up in batim that she was "a shapeless slug" at first.

Joey didn't changed much and dumped imperfect ones

Honestly this part depends on how much you believe that he could grow as a character.

(memo from batdr, GENT building)

The way Joey talks about "other versions" sounds... indifferent.

Which is weird, because he did spend time with "AD" from batim by entertaining her with stories when she has asked him to

Does he tries to justify them being dumped OR he's distracting from the fact that they didn't had a chance to properly exist?

It feels like it was left for interpretation on purpose.

6.1 Audrey Drew

Second and last artificial child after "AD" that we canonically know about.

For Joey, creating something perfect that will outlive him could've been a key to his definition of immortality. He wanted to leave something after his death that people could know about. A piece of "perfect art"

"...Of course, I intend to live forever, so that will never happen! Ha, a joke indeed, but in a way not a joke, for what is art but a doorway into immortality? The greatest Illusion of Living then, living on after we are no longer alive. What is more of an illusion than that?" (TIOL, page 219)

Joey makes jokes about living eternally even before the ink machine's existence.

After it's creation, it's wasn't something that he has planned but he was ready for this fate (for one reason or another)

At the end of his life, Audrey has became a thing he'll live through eternally. And Memory!Joey is here ig

Memory!Joey basically calls Audrey his magnum opus:

"...My Greatest creation" (batdr, final Memory!Joey custscene)

Which further established that Joey is more proud of Audrey than he ever was on the Bendy franshise (it's hard to be proud of the stolen ideas, peoples deaths or the cycle,eh?)

Audrey seems to share adventurous spirit of young Joey (in his early 20s) & determination

They both got dragged into events they didn't asked for:

Joey (when he was 19 y.o) by detective Sinclair who has blamed him for a murder.

Audrey by Wilson Arch who has wanted to murder her.

6.2 Audrey and the ink demon

Similar trauma, different outcomes and treatment.

How present Joey was in Audrey's life? Why did they got separated at one point even before he has died?

Is there's something Memory!Joey hides from Audrey on purpose?

Batdr archives mention that Audrey has repressed her memories but what and why exactly?

In batdr the ink demon interacts a lot with Audrey which holds huge significance on the story.

In his first interaction with her he says "ink speaks to me and whispers your secrets" so the ink machine (who seems to hold some sense of identity) does know too.

The ink demon heavily relates to Audrey through the game. They were both left alone (in different ways) and they share one creator.

"You are without the purpose. Your very existence.. was a terrible lie...you're a mistake. A monster. Just like me." (batdr, the ink demon, last playable segment)

He heavily projects on her through this last interaction. Audrey does has a purpose,she was created to be a daughter Joey did wanted and loved. As much as Joey Drew could love at least, if you see this part as debatable.

But there's one thing he's right about, her existence is a lie.

Joey put burden of "protecting the cycle" on her while she thought that she's an orphan.

Batdr archives also question how much agency she has, which i find interesting.

7. "The illusion of living" (or TL;DR for this analysis)

The art of lying masterfully and manual on how to justice God complex.

Joey describes his life from early childhood (when he was 5 y.o.) and to the point of him being 42-43 y.o., a bit before the ink machine was created.

This book is about a man who couldn't find his purpose in life even with the help of other people and decided to blame everyone for this.

Lies, accusations, insults, distorted information, searching for "a soul" (literally and figuratively) and never ending hidden sadness after he lost Henry.

He tries to replace this empty gap with letting their creations become his whole life but it doesn't end well... (the ink demon,dead employees and the cycle)

He tries to separate himself from this and focused on creating a family.

Artificial daughters are electric boogalo №2 (unexpected direct sequel) which has ended working somehow.

But still,i wouldn't trust this man even a pet rock and the ink demon & Audrey are a proof on 'why.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Trivial facts (bendy employees handbook/the illusion of living):

>He loves mac n cheese

>Joey meet Sammy at a theatre when they were teens

>Joey loves throwing peanuts at theatre actors

>In Joey Drew studios you can celebrate only main toons birthday or Joey's birthday. Other birthdays are prohibited.

>Joey stole award that Sammy has earned

> Joey officially is an employee of the month eternally...

> Joey stoles ideas for cartoons from employees and they don't get even a couple of cents for this (woah! How surprising /j)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Special thanks to everyone who interacted with my Audrey analysis earlier!

#batim #bendy and the ink machine #batdr #bendy and the dark revival #joey drew #bendy #ink demon #audrey drew #henry stein #susie campbell #I won't tag everyone who was mentioned #bendy the illusion of living #bendy tiol #my post

[aphidclan-clangen]

if every adult cat had a novella, and yes, when the kits grow up, i’ll send another one of these for them!!

Pearlstar’s Company

would be about how pearlstar says “i am alone” to bliss, how pearlstar HAS no company, yk??? how pearl has nocat to hold, and how he’s lost everyone except bliss. maybe focuses a bit on his new kits? idk, we don’t know a whole bunch about em. idk if he would get that company he wants at the end of the book, but it would be how life story, about how he lost everything.

Firebeetle’s Wandering

would be about how he got lost. it would be about how firebeetle wanders with gravel, the prologue would probably be him having his kits?? idk, but the whole mini inbetween moon gravel and firebeetle things would be the whole book basically. by the end of the book, it would be nice if fire got back to camp with gravel. but yk, whatever happens in the comics!!!

Blisswhistle’s Doubt

this one would def be about bliss’s self doubt, about like,,,, everything?? bliss does doubt herself a bunch, it would go through his story of how he gains confidence over time. a major plot point would be her and gold’s fight about kits. and it would also tie into firebeetle’s story kinda, bc when gold and bliss get back to camp, fire’s gone. but it would focus more heavily on blisswhistle’s life. her relationship with her parents, her self doubt, her relationship with gold maybe?

Stormwhisper’s Sight

i’m not too sure about this one, but i wanna say that his book would be about what he saw before lilac died. it would be about his visions as a medicine cat, how it scared him, how he could confide in spark. they would be soooo close, besties. this would have maybe a bit about cresskit?

Goldshine’s Heart

would be about his relationship with blisswhistle, because they’re really cute. it could be about how he’s opening up star’s heart? how he’s getting less.... closed off? idk, i’m not really certain.

Sparkspeckle’s Guilt

maybe about, like.... her uhhhh...... idk, she’s my favorite, i just really want a novella about her.......

Shadebreak’s Light

could maybe something like, about their apprenticeship to goldshine? how they looked up to him, and how they got to be a warrior? basically shade’s life story, what they go through, what they’re like.

Icesheep’s Mind

idk man, i just like him.... i have noooo idea what his novella would be about.

Lilacpaw’s Limit

would be about how lilac’s backstory is quite different from most cats. how she came from a kittypet life (i think???). how she died and meets paradiseskies. and i want them to gossip together, that’s all i request...

Paradiseskies’ Loss

would be about how she..... ummmm... uh. i do not know. but i like her, so she gets to be on the list.

Gravel’s Choice

this would most definitely be about the metalden colony’s rule of having no closse relations. gravel having to make a choice of her colony, and fire’beetle. it would have all her hardships, and experiences, and memories. how she falls in love with fire, and how she realizes that she should’ve seen how important he was to her. how she should’ve left for him sooner. i would love if the book had some like, gravel getting used to clan life, and how she’s a bit stiff around everyone, especially her kits. but in the end, she gets comfortable with them, and loves them like a real parent, even if she didn’t know them at first. how she apologizes to everyone, how she adapts to her new life after being awkward and nervous.

Spiderglade’s Regret

would be about his relation to the metalden colony. and i think it would be cool if we spent most of the book in the dark forest, not the canon df, what YOU depict the dark forest. i dont know a lot about him. i wanna see how he copes, how he thinks and acts.

and thats all :3

Yesss I love this. I love all the names! (Especially Lilacpaw’s Limit, that made me chuckle thinking about Lilacpaw just being like “I’m at my fkin limit” hehe)

I’d love to explore this idea more tbh, especially since the comic isn’t in a written format so I can’t really do special one-off series or books focusing on individuals. Unless my plans for this change in the future, what you see in the comic is pretty much all you get (plus asks). If this weren’t the case however, I’d love to write a novella centered around Spiderglade. Growing up with bugs family in the clan, bugs training as a mediator, leaving the clan, meeting a…certain someone… his time elsewhere… his death. The people he visits after bug dies.

If there’s any other cat I would write a novella for, it’d be Gravel. Or Pearlstar. Both would center a lot around family, love, loss, and new beginnings. A Sparkspeckle novella would also be super interesting once we have a lot more of her life depicted in the comic, and Paradiseskies might be an interesting perspective to explore! Spiderglade would definitely be a more prominent character in a Blisswhistle novella, mostly during rainbows childhood growing up (before bug leaves)

#aphidasks #can’t wait for you guys to see what’s coming up

[specialagentlokitty]

Saul silva x student!reader - just angry

Can I request a Saul Silva with student reader, where student reader is constantly in fights and like in trouble so Silva helps them to find a way to cope with their anger, if possible, please and thank you, or something similar - Anon💜

Standing on the edge of the school grounds, you crouched down wiping some of the blood from you nose on your sleeve.

“(L/N)!”

You looked to the side and scoffed a little bit.

“Fuck off!”

Getting up, you grabbed the cab next to you and made your way down the path in the opposite direction.

“Stop walking away.” Silva called.

“Fine!” You snapped.

Silva had to stop walking when he heard the loud crackle of lightening, and you were gone, and the lightening reappeared on the other side of the school.

He sighed heavily, running a hand down his face.

You jumped up on one of the large stones, taking a drink from your can as you looked down at the ground.

“Still avoiding Silva?” Riven asked.

You glanced to the specialist.

“And what if I am?”

He held up his hands, giving you a little grin as he leant back against the stone opposite you.

“None of my business. You know he’ll catch up to you eventually right?”

You shrugged.

“Couldn’t give a fuck to be honest, I’ll swing for him an all.”

Riven grinned a little.

“I’d pay to see that, air fairy against the specialists headmaster? Brutal.”

“Shut it Riven.”

He laughed a little, sitting down on the ground, and you looked around to make sure the place was clear of any teachers or other students.

You turned back to your on and off friend.

“So, who’d you punch this time?”

“Some asshole.���

“Descriptive.”

You stood up, jumping down with a small thud.

“Look, just don’t tell nobody where to find me got it.”

“Yeah yeah.”

You nodded and wondered away, heading back to the school, making your way to one of the abandoned rooms at the side.

Nobody ever came this way aside from Riven when he wanted to smoke.

Walking over to the blankets in the corner, dropping yourself down on it.

You picked up the dagger you had stolen from one of the specialist students, throwing it at the corner of the room, hearing it clang if a sword.

“We’ve been looking for that.”

“Don’t you know how to leave somebody be?”

Silva picked up the dagger and put his sword away, walking over he stood in front of the door and crossed his arms.

“Not when that somebody is picking fights with my students and stealing their weapons.”

You shrugged a little, slumping down against the wall.

“So, are we going to talk about this or do you want to settle for detentions?”

“Don’t want to talk, won’t turn up.”

“Well we’ve got to do something about this (Y/N).”

“You’re not my headmaster.”

Silva nodded.

“Maybe not directly, but right now I’m willing to give you a chance to explain your actions.”

You stood up, lightening crackling at the tips of your fingers.

“Leave me alone!”

You swung for him, but being a specialist for years, Silva easily evaded your attacks, knowing you wouldn’t use your magic.

It was a scare tactic, and he knew that, he knew that was what you one of the most dangerous and powerful students in the school.

You were already being sought out to be recruited, but nobody wanted to offer you any contracts while you were still so filled with rage.

Grabbing your hand, Silva pushed you back making you stumble a few steps.

“You need to calm down now before they decide you’re too dangerous!”

“Then leave me alone!”

You wouldn’t use the lightening against him, but the air itself? You had no issue with that, you threw him to the side with a burst of wind and stormed away.

Naturally you were suspended, and sent home for the duration of your suspension while they figured out what to do.

Some of the other teachers wanted to throw you out of the school, but Silva was against that idea.

Instead, he wanted to try and get to the bottom of your rage, try and reach out to you and find a way to help you because you had so much potential.

He made his way to the front garden of your home, and he looked around before making his way up to the door, knocking on it slightly.

It was opened a moment later by a young boy who looked up at him in curiosity.

“Pizza?” The boy asked.

Silva chuckled a little, crouching down to his height.

“Sorry I’m not pizza, is your mother or father home?”

The boy blinked, and turned around.

“Who is it?!”

“Not pizza!”

Silva watched as you came around the corner, throwing a dish cloth back into the kitchen, wiping your hands on your shorts.

“I told you to wait for me to open the door Jay.”

“Pizza.”

“You’re not having pizza, go back to your game.”

He huffed a little and padded away, and you looked at the headmaster as he stood up.

“What?”

“I was looking for your parents.”

“Not here, away for a few days.”

You walked away, and he sighed stepping into the doorway and closing the door.

“We need to discuss your behaviour at school.”

“Not interested so kindly fuck off thanks.”

Jay came back over, grabbing an umbrella he whacked Silva in the leg making him jumped to the side before running away into the kitchen.

“I hit him!”

You looked at your younger brother slightly confused before poking your head around the corner to see Silva rubbing his knee.

You laughed a little and went back to preparing some food, helping your brother sit on the counter to watch.

“They want to kick you out this is serious.”

Silva walked to the doorway and stood there.

You walked past and he saw the black eye you had, the red of the what should have been the white of your eye.

“What happened to you?”

“Fight.”

He sighed.

“This is what we need to talk about it isn’t good.”

You said nothing, getting your brother bud dinner, you walked to the back door, sitting on a chair outside and he followed to sit with you.

You took a drink of the coffee you had made yourself and looked at him.

“I don’t care if I get kicked out.”

“You should, you could have some of the best jobs, but nobody will touch you with a ten foot pole until you learn to get a handle on your anger (Y/N), one of the students parents said if you hit their son again they’re going to press charges against you.”

“Then let them.” You grumbled.

“Come on, surely you can’t mean that. For the first year from what Farah told me you were one of the best students, amazing grades, top of your class. So what happened?”

You looked to him.

“What’s the point? They’re right you know…”

Silva looked at you in confusion.

“Who?”

“The other students. I don’t belong there, I don’t come from a magic family. I’ll never pass.”

He sat forward a little.

“You’ve good a chance of passing like everybody else.”

“Except I accidentally hospitalised another student, so not really.”

“What?”

You sighed, turning to face him.

“The parents who threatened to Sue? Was their kid, he was picking on me, pissing me off on purpose, wanting a reaction, and I snapped, didn’t know I could use lightening at the time. So what’s the point?”

You leant back in your chair.

“I’ll just get some dead end job somewhere, live a normal human life, I’m full of hate, angry. Some people were born for the good life.”

“That doesn’t mean anything, you’re in control now but you can’t go around hitting people.”

“Yeah and if I don’t then I’ll never be left alone, I never stood a fucking chance there and nobody listened to me.”

Silva nodded his head.

“You’re angry, I understand. But you need to redirect this anger, you need to find some way to channel it into something else.”

You said nothing.

“What if we did something to help you? What if as well a fairy you trained with me when I’m training the specialists?”

You looked at him.

“Why?”

“You’ve got a skill for fighting, so we’ll put it to good use in a practical way. You’ll burn your anger and you don’t have to worry about hurting me.”

“Nah.”

“Just think about it (Y/N). I can’t help you if you won’t let me.”

With that he left.

And you thought about it long and hard.

At first he thought you were going to turn the idea down, you never came to see him for the first few weeks when you were allowed back.

But he did find you waiting for him after the weekend, blood on your knuckles and you looked at him.

“Again?”

“No.”

He got you to follow him and he began to clean your hands.

“So you’re bleeding for no reason?”

“Punch a wall.”

Silva glanced at you before he went back to cleaning your wounds.

“I need your help sir, please.”

Silva looked at you, giving you a small smile and a nod of his head.

“Of course.”

#fate the winx saga #fate the winx saga x reader #fate the winx saga x you #fate the winx saga imagine #Saul silva #Saul silva x reader #Saul silva x you #Saul silva imagine

[blue-jisungs]

Dino is bias wrecking me so bad I can’t abxhxbd

I’m glad you’re writing for svt too since there aren’t a lot of people who write abt them 😩 I was thinking about something like 69 74 aaand 75?? Maybe

And 22 37 and maybe 40?

They are so random I’m not even sure you can write anything based on that XD

"with you i’m always comfortable"

a/n. i got a bunch of asks with prompt 37 before so i decided to take a different turn on it (like not midnight talks in bed but just in general lmao) but i hope you enjoy it! :D

you opened the door from the training room and saw your boyfriend practicing, eyes fixated on the mirror. you closed the door and started walking towards him, sticking to the wall.

you watched him in silence, only the sound of squeaking shoes against the floor and music in the background filling the room. you didn’t want to get him out of his dancing hypnosis.

you didn’t even realise when he was finished, only when dino’s loud laugh made you snap back to reality.

"what are you doing here? it’s like, midnight" he hummed and chan pushed his hair back "do you not have better things to be doing? like sleeping for example?"

"oh shut up. i just wanted to see you. besides, it’s hard to sleep without you next to me or whatever" you grinned and stood up "so i came to look for you"

chan grinned and came up to you, tilting his head.

"ew, you’re sweaty" you teased him and cupped his cheeks, placing a soft kiss on his lips.

"ew, you’re kissing a sweaty guy" he came back at you when he leaned away.

"how much longer you wanna be here?" you hummed and caressed his cheeks.

"just a while. i think like i need to just perfect one or two moves. then we’ll go home" he nodded, so did you.

he returned to his spot, turning on the music. you sat down, leaning against the wall. you didn’t notice, too stunned by his dancing skills but he was glancing at you from time to time. you cheered for him and his laughter echoed through the room from time to time.

just when chan noticed when you started to get a bit drowsy, you heard the door click. it made stir a bit and you locked eyes with chan.

"what was that?" you asked, rubbing your eye. chan run up to the door and pulled the knob.

but the door wouldn’t even bulge.

you and dino looked at each other and he was terrified. not for long, because you started laughing.

"did we just got locked up?" you laughed, stretching your arms above your head.

"yeah" chan mumbled, placing a hand on his chest "i’m actually… scared. what if they turn on the alarm and we’ll cause problems?"

you shook your head and he came up to you, sitting down.

"my heart is beating so fast right now" he laughed and you leaned closer to feel it.

"calm down or you’ll get a stroke or something" you scoffed, feeling his heart thump against his chest. it was probably still the rush of adrenaline after long training and now the emotions.

dino placed one hand on top of yours and poked your cheek with another one.

"y/n. you’re stuck here because of me" chan pouted. you shrugged.

"so what? i’d rather be stuck here with you than sleep alone" you grinned and poked his cheek back "but i do have to sleep with you on a floor. and you’re stinky"

he scoffed, knowing well you’re joking. but he felt bad.

"here, lay on my lap. do you want a hoodie?" he asked, putting a strand of loose hair behind your ear.

"i’m fine. will you be comfortable?" you asked and he nodded, so you rested your head on his lap.

"with you i’m always comfortable" chan hummed and started playing with your hair "should i text someone that we’re here?" his voice was barely audible. chan frowned upon no response from you but when he noticed you’re already asleep, he just smiled softly.

(in the morning you were greeted by 12 voices coping about how cute you are and threats with posting the pics on weverse…)

[ masterlist <3 ]

taglist. @geniejunn ,, @luvhyun3 ,, @starlostseungmin ,, @elviransworld ,, @jnks6r ,, @sieunsgf ,, @lhsng ,, @ethereallino ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @duolingofanaccount ,, @slytherinhobi

#lee chan #dino svt #dino fluff #svt performance unit #svt dino #svt scenarios #seventeen #svt imagines #svt reactions #svt requests #blue jisungs's ask game #svt x y/n #svt x you #svt x reader #svt soft hours #dino x you #dino x reader #dino imagines #dino scenarios

[many-but-one]

i understand if you don’t answer questions like this and it won’t hurt my feelings if you need to delete this.

i feel like my smaller parts have been coming out a lot lately, but the problem is that they are so overwhelmed and so sad all the time, and so fearful of anyone and everyone close to us, that i feel like i’m drowning in an ocean of sadness and hurt and depression. everything is so hard and nothing brings me true joy and i feel like it will never get better. my partner gets overwhelmed when i get like this and tries to talk to me like i’m one singular person and he can’t spot my little ones unless i tell him they’re there. i know that that makes sense intellectually, but in the moment it feels like he doesn’t see me/us and i’m just reliving my childhood and teen experiences of not being okay and begging for help and never being believed.

i do have a therapist, and she helps some, but sometimes it just feels like all i get is “do yoga and meditation and that’ll help.” she’s been through a lot herself and i know intellectually it probably works and i really should do it, but i just can’t bring myself to, and i don’t feel like it’ll fix the hole in my heart. maybe nothing ever will, i don’t know.

if you have any advice i’d be happy to listen but i also understand if this is too heavy or sad to talk about. i know it’s probably just a matter of having to grit my teeth and try to take care of the kids and get over myself anyway.

Oh luv🥺 I am so sorry this is happening to you.

I can absolutely understand why the feeling of being ignored or unseen can make parts feel like they are reliving aspects of their childhood. Young parts often hold so much pain, it can be hard for lesser knowing parts to even fathom such deep depths of emotions like that until they’re right next to you and you’re feeling them.

My suggestion to you is twofold:

1) communicate with your partner and your therapist that while you know they’re trying to help, their help is just…not helpful. You are allowed to tell someone their help isn’t helping, especially a therapist that you pay to see. A question you will likely get from them is “How can I help you better, then?” And that’s something you’ll need to figure out. What would help you best in that moment? Comfort? Talking about the emotions? Expressing them in some way with your partner? (Such as making art or listening to a music playlist these parts make to help get these feelings out? Both can also double as a way for your partner to see the intensity of the pain externally in ways that perhaps words or explanation just can’t describe. Art is a powerful mode of communication, feel free to use it!)

2) Find out what YOU yourself can do to help these child alters feel better too. Unfortunately we cannot always rely on external people to be the miracle validators we need, we also have to rely on ourselves. Would your child alters want to be known by you or others externally better? Why are they scared of those around you? What can YOU do to help them feel comforted in this moment? Some other good skills to learn are grounding in the present (as these things you are feeling are likely emotional flashbacks—feelings your child self was feeling during times of trauma), something called “unblending” which is recognizing when emotions are not your own and working to unblend from that child self whose emotions are leaking into you, and widening your window of tolerance. These things can be hard! They are skills that requires practice, especially since folks with CDDs tend to be pretty “all or nothing” when it comes to emotions. Either you feel ALL OF IT or you dissociate it all away. Boon, Steele, and Van der Hart talk about this in the book “Coping with Trauma Related Dissociation” which is a fantastic resource available here.

Here is an excerpt that talks a bit about emotional avoidance or lack of reflection on emotions and learning how to widen your window of tolerance that may be useful:

In addition to all the things suggested, if you have child alters who are flooding the front with so much emotion that it seems nigh uncontrollable, it’s probably best that they not be fronting at that time. Learning how to communicate with them and say things like “hey, I am at work right now, we cannot be having these sorts of emotions at this time. I am not ignoring you, we will address them later when we are in a safe place at home. Can you please go inside to a safe place until we can address these emotions safely?” To which you then must address those parts later on, or they will end up not trusting you when you communicate this and will be less likely to leave front when you ask. Directing them to a safe alter (like a caretaker, protector, or gatekeeper) or asking them to go to a safe inner place internally can provide a bit of relief. If you don’t have an inner safe place or don’t know if you do, here’s some ideas on inner safe places for parts:

To create an inner safe place, try this visualization. We did this with our therapist and we still have the store in our inner world. Granted, it’s much bigger and more complex now to fit all the needs of all parts, but it’s still there!

Also creating time in your day or week for younger parts to come out and be in a safe place and enjoy things they like can work wonders on them feeling more comfortable in the present. Maybe at first you do not involve your partner in this. You can color in a coloring book, read a children’s book to your parts, eat a tasty snack with them, or any number of other things. Helping young parts feel safe and adjusted in the present space is helpful. Something we often have to do with young parts is a “house tour” which is going around the house and pointing out all the things that are different than the old places. “See how the walls are [color] and not [color]? Look at this decoration, we didn’t have that back then. Look at our [pet if you have one] we didn’t have them back then. Look at this furniture and these clothes, we didn’t have these things back then, because it is [insert this year] and not back then, we are safe now in this space.” Eventually adding your partner in with these activities will also help them feel safer around your partner.

Additionally, encouraging parts to express themselves with words or pictures rather than emotions can be important. Putting emotions into something like words, drawings, a gallery of photos you find on the internet, etc, can be a good way to help de-escalate emotions and make them not so intense. I know saying “putting words to emotions makes the emotions not so intense” feels fake, but trust me, it works. Yes, it pisses us off every time we do what our therapist says will help and it actually helps. Yes, we still do it begrudgingly even though it helps. If parts are not allowed to talk about what happened to them (your gatekeeper or protector parts do not allow them to disclose trauma) then have them not write about the experience itself, but the emotions behind the experience. Encourage parts to use their words when communicating rather than emotions or flashbacks.

I hope some of these suggestions helped? Good luck and take care anon!

-Dori🌹 (she/he/they)

#dori🌹 #anon ask #answered asks #did osdd #did alters #dissociative identity disorder #manybutone #did system #child alters #advice

[rebouks]

Previous | Next

Transcript:

Ivan: I don’t mean t’keep upsettin’ you. Bruno: … Ivan: You’re real hard t’read sometimes, y’know? Like.. I don’t know what you’re thinkin’, or what you want.

Bruno: I do want a future with you, I’m just too scared to plan one. Ivan: I know you wanna be cautious, but-… Bruno: It’d be naïve to assume there’s a happy ending waiting for us.

Ivan: We can still dream though, right? Bruno: I can’t fucking do it, Ivan. Ivan: Wha-…

Bruno: That was my world, you know? My reality. I was okay with that, I learnt how to be okay with it all. I’d built up this.. this façade, but I can’t keep it up around you. You’ve torn it down and now I don’t know how to carry on like before.

Bruno: They’ll use anyone you care about as a weapon if they need to, and if we’re found out-… I can’t lose you to them! I could cope if it were just my life on the line, but it’d ruin me if something happened to you. Ivan: Uh, ditto?

Bruno: You don’t understand, I-… Ivan: I love you too. Bruno: …

Bruno: I’ve loved you since before I knew you could even love me back. Ivan: It’d be easier if we didn’t, huh? Bruno: [sob scoffs] Yeah.

Ivan: Sorry for being a twat n’ not sayin’ it sooner. Bruno: You were worried I wasn’t ready to hear it..? Ivan: Little bit.

Bruno: Please don’t think that, I promise I’m not hung up on the past… I’m just-.. I’m too scared to move; I don’t know what to do, how to act, where to go. Ivan: I’m seein’ that now.

Bruno: Maybe I should lose my shit more often. Ivan: [chuckles] Maybe. Bruno: [sighs]

Ivan: This is just the beginnin’, B. Bruno: [snorts] Of the end? Ivan: Nah, every decent person out there deserves a happy endin’.

Bruno: I don’t know how you can be so optimistic. Ivan: Oscar kinda rubs off on ya after a while. Bruno: You’ve no idea how badly I want you to be right…

#somnium #sims 4 #storytelling #ts4 story #sims story #simblr #ivan harper #bruno clarke #better late than never right?!? #ooooof #💙💛

[bluedalahorse]

Updates below the cut, as I expressed the story of yesterday in somewhat comedic terms, but I’m sure the subtext was concerning.

So yesterday I went into work under a lot of stress about the various deadlines I have to meet. I also noticed I was developing an ear infection. I get those a lot because I have tiny ear canals and sometimes with congestion from fall allergies the whole ENT system gets fucked up. As such I know what an ear infection feels like, so I figured I’d leave work early, go to the urgent care down the road, get some antibiotics, and go home to rest and meet my writing deadline.

Well, I went to the urgent care and after waiting three hours or so they were like, you have an ear infection but your blood pressure is super high, and we need to send you to the ER to lower it. (I have a family history, and with the amount of stress I’ve been under lately, I imagine genetics decided it was time to kick in.) I was freaking out at that point because I hadn’t had dinner yet, and what they were talking about sounded like… idk, how long was I gonna be in the hospital? Forever? And that shit is expensive even with insurance, so, you know.

So I asked if I could call @coruscantrhapsody to come get me. I knew I needed to go to the ER but also that I didn’t want to go, and that I would try to get out of it because I was scared and tired and yet try to make myself appear competent at all costs. I also knew she could convince me to go. So she came to me at the urgent care right away, and she brought plush Sara and plush August, and we made plans to go to the ER together.

And honestly, she got me through it like a champ. We coped through silly jokes and dark humor, and a little bit of singing of Disney songs. When the nurse took my blood sample (which came back in good shape, thankfully) she said it was totally appropriate for Halloween. Then she got me home before midnight and now is working from home today while I stay home. I’ll probably be taking tomorrow off too. I’m going to walk to the pharmacy soon to pick up the meds they prescribed me and then I’m going to come back home and not deal with logistics until the afternoon at least.

I still have some deadlines to meet, but they’re going to be shifting now and I think I can get some extensions for the stuff I need to get extended on. And I think this is the basis of a conversation with my employer about like. Idk. I woke up today 95% grateful for the people who love and care for me and who helped me out yesterday, and I’m also grateful that I lucked out with doctors and nurses that night because the medical system is honestly terrible, but 5% of me is like Fuck The Grind that got me here. You know? And I can sort of bookmark that idea and come back to it when I’m ready. Which I will do. But first, it is time to rest. I can deal with everything else after I rest. And I got home in time to listen to the old War of the Worlds radio play tonight and enjoy it, and that’s incredibly important to me.

Tl;dr I spent an evening in the emergency room last night, hooked up to machines and holding an August Horn plushie in my lap, but I’m ok now thanks to my best friend’s care and all-around amazingness.

[silly-sirenz]

Hi! I’d love to get a matchup for Hazbin Hotel! 💓💖💕

my pronouns are she/her and I’m asexual biromantic (so any gender is fine). I’m an ESFJ and a Gemini. I have green eyes and dyed cherry red hair. I dress with vintage/fairy grunge clothes. Long skirts and corsets are my fav type of outfit. I wear lots of rings and crystal/pearl necklaces and love to exchange them with others.

I’m the mom friend of the group, always there for everyone and my friends say that I’m really good at comforting people. I’m also calm and responsible, I usually am the one that takes care of other people. I’m very optimistic, I always try to see the good in everything and I often put other’s needs before my own. I love making others laugh to lighten the situation. I’m not afraid to stand up for myself or for someone else but sometimes it’s hard for me to say no to things. I also dislike when someone is too serious and really can’t take a joke as I tend to use humor as my coping mechanism. I’m also very ambitious, I always try to achieve my goals.

My love languages are, receiving, physical touch and words of affirmation and giving, quality time and words of affirmation.

I absolutely love listening to music, it helps me relax and I really like reading. I especially love fantasy and I recently got into greek mythology. I also love watching horror movies even though it’s impossible to scare me. I also play Dungeons and Dragons with my friends anytime I can. also, I absolutely love musicals and I’m definitely a theatre kid.

Have a great day <3

I'd be happy to match you up 🖤

Your matchup is....

💟VELVETTE💟

● Velvette comes across one of your posts on PentaGram. It's an ootd with a few new items you've bought. It's not something she'd personally wear, but she thinks it looks really good on you.

● She decides to follow your account. Maybe you could inspire some new looks for her next fashion show.

●When you see the notification on your phone you almost faint.

●Not you being mutuals with an Overlord-

●I mean, you're flattered but how do you make the first move now? Suddenly you get an idea...

●In your next post, you wear some jewellery from her brand. It gets her attention and she comments,

nice necklace you've got there 🤫💟

●From there, you begin an online friendship and DM most days. Conversation at first is mainly centred about clothes. However, pretty soon, you begin talking about your personal lives.

●She uses lots of emojis. Her signature one is "💟".

●Also, pet names. Her go-to is "hun".

●You are both the "mom friends" of your respective friends groups, so Velvette feels pretty relaxed when ranting about the other Vees to you. And there's something about the way she talks, the cadence maybe, or perhaps the bluntness that makes her stories funny to you.

ugh he calls himself an overlord. "trust us with your entertainment". yeah right... i wouldn't trust him to cause a piss up in a brewery!

love him to bits tho ofc 💟

●Because you have a similar sense of humour, you find it easy to be yourself around Velvette. Aren't people meant to feel scared around overlords?

●You weren't expecting her to be so friendly, never mind asking to meet up in person!

●The first time you meet, she invites you to a concert for one of your favourite artists at the Vee tower and you are a little terrified.

●However, once you arrive, she comes over and gives you the biggest hug and all those nerves disappear.

●You hang out pretty regularly. Usually in the Vee tower due to her high profile. You often talk about your interests whilst watching movies.

●She doesn't quite get the appeal of Dungeons and Dragons, however she takes an odd amount of interest in your rants about mythology. You're not sure why, it didn't seem like her thing...

●The date of her next fashion show rolls along. She has kept the details very secret, however she has given you a front row seat.

●The designs are stunning, with some familiar features. Draped fabric, pearls, metallic plates, gold accents, winged shoes... it's all inspired by the mythology you told her about!

● At the end, she invites you onstage and thanks you for inspiring her day after day. Afterwards, she kisses you on the cheek.

"Honestly hun, you are amazing. Can you blame me for showing you off? Now... how about you explain this Dragon whats-it game again? I want to understand it more this time."

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel velvette #hazbin velvette #velvette x reader #the vees #matchups #hazbin hotel matchup

[farmersliga]

i have less than one more hour of 2023 left, so i want to look back a bit. this year, i…

learned to be a little more independent

discovered how much i enjoyed casual walking, even though it’s always crazy hot here

had my student driver’s license expire because i didn’t finish my required hours of practical training and i was too scared to take the test anyway

got super close to some family members i didn’t talk to so much before

had a very public breakdown for the first time in a long time. also had problems with being overwhelmed more than usual

started seriously considering teaching as a career path because, in what was the kindest move ever by a teacher to me, my native german prof pulled me aside to say he thought i had a gift for it

went on a trip abroad with just my cousins and had a blast. then went on a trip abroad for uni and had even more of a blast

met up with four online friends. shoutout to irena, jade, clara, and cher for being the bestest most lovely people ever <3

discovered new hobbies like listening to cassette tapes and crocheting, the latter of which i was able to use to make tiny little plushies for all of the online friends i met this year

flew abroad four times, which is the most i’ve ever done in one year. i got to visit hong kong, taiwan, the usa, and germany!

speaking of germany, got to go there for the first time ever. it was amazing to be able to experience the place i’d only ever seen in textbooks. i have fond memories of being able to talk to shopkeepers in german now too. but i also came to the realization that there’s still so much more for me to learn. because i went there with only 1.5 years of studying the language, and i was half floundering

stayed with a host couple for a few days in germany and conversed with them almost solely in german. they ended up getting married later in the year and i’m so happy for them

had multiple direct experiences with racism while abroad, including being accused of theft?? which was sad but also funny in a depressing way

started studying italian from scratch and loved it. also accidentally started studying french from scratch and hated it

affirmed a lot of my personal values, mostly with regard to social situations

started seeing a psychologist on top of my psychiatrist sessions

got incredibly emotional hearing my national anthem played during a football world cup for the first time ever, then got even more emotional watching us win a match. when i first watched these girls, they’d almost gotten kicked out of the qualis for the asian cup that got them into the wwc in the first place. and now they’re stars. it’s beautiful to see

finally helped to start fixing a really bad family problem that i’d known about for a few years now that nobody was doing anything about

saw both taylor swift and fall out boy live in concert. these were my first concerts ever, too. and both these artists were my favorites from high school so it was super special to me

watched my first full tennis season and cemented my love for the sport along with it. also got significantly more involved with the tennis side of tumblr and met the loveliest people there

took my baby nieces to their first trip abroad just this christmas <3

and probably much more that i’m forgetting now. but it’s really been a good year, definitely the best i’ve had since the pandemic happened. i dealt with a lot of mental health issues as usual, but i also learned to cope with them in healthier ways. and being able to go out more this year (not just abroad, but outside in general) and talk to more people was a big plus

so i just want to say thank you to everyone who helped make this year a much happier one for me, and i hope you all stay in my life even in 2024!

#inspired by irena’s summary post <3 #here’s to a new year with all of you! #the life and times of liz #*

[mydarlingdahlia]

An update on where I’ve been.

Warning: mentions of topics that could be a trigger warning for some. reader discretion is advised.

A/N: if you don’t want to read any of that stuff, basically, I’m okay. I’m alive.

As I’m writing this post, the whole stalker situation has blown over, for now…but I didn’t think it would be resolved as quickly as it did.

It turns out that the guy who was stalking me turned out to be one of my coworkers. Evidently, a guy who worked under me. (I’m not going to say his name, as to respect his privacy, even though he doesn’t deserve it.)

As he stated, as he was being dragged off of my mother in law’s property screaming his head off, it had started off as a crush, and that he “didn’t mean to hurt me”. Hate to break it to you, but attempting to stab me and giving me multiple bruises and cuts isn’t exactly not hurting me.

I’m okay, no fatal injuries were inflicted.

But basically, I was peacefully sleeping in my mother in law’s house, as I announced when I was going on my semi-hiatus. I was feeling restless, so I went up go get a snack from the kitchen, but I noticed Snoopy, one of my beagles, was acting strangely.

I assumed it was nothing, and let him walk down with me to the kitchen. But as soon as we got downstairs, he started growling. Like, he did not sound like a one year old beagle. It scared me even. Again, I brushed it off, until he started barking loudly at the pantry.

Long story short, the guy was hiding in the pantry waiting for me to come down. He claimed he knew whenever I came down for a late night snack, because he had apparently had been watching me. For months. Yeah.

He jumped out, knife in hand, and wrestled me to the ground while trying to stab me. He didn’t sink the knife in too far, but I did get a few cuts. I was able to disarm him and get the knife away, and my mother in law had come downstairs after hearing the noise combined with my dog’s barking.

After that, she tackled him and had to tase him and held him down while my father in law called 911.

I still don't know how he was able to disarm the alarm system and break into the house.

I’d say about ten minutes later the cops showed up. They escorted him out of the house and put him in the police car before he could do anything else. I was called to the station a little later to do some questioning.

After they were done questioning me, they told me what he had originally planned to do. (Surprisingly, he had admitted to everything) I had to vomit after what they’d told me he said.

Apparently, this all started a whole year ago, when he first started to work under me at my job. (He's been fired, don't worry) I was unaware, of course. He said he'd been fixated on me from the moment he saw me walk in, and he "had to have me". (I know, this sounds like a fic I'd write. But seriously, this shit happened.)

It had started out "simple". You know, just finding out my entire schedule, stalking my posts, taking pictures of me when I wasn't looking, you know, the good stuff. (This is sarcasm. Don't bitch and moan about it.)

Apparently, by the second month, he claimed he knew everything about me! He even knew that I (at the time) had a girlfriend. He assumed our relationship would burn out, because he was jealous of her and "wanted me all to himself". Well, that clearly didn't happen.

When he heard of our engagement in the summer, he was pissed. (Allegedly) That's when he started to stalk Mia.

He found out everything about her that he could. Her address, her workplace, where she went to university, most of her family members, friends, and that she has a hearing impairment. And that she's basically mute.

I don't know what he would've done with that last bit of info if this had all been discovered a bit too late, but I can think of a few examples that make me sick to my stomach.

After all this happened, he had apparently been working up the courage to ask me out. After he got rid of Mia, of course. (Again. Sarcasm. This is how I cope with traumatic events.)

More than half of his phone storage was just of me. Pictures, documents detailing horrible things he'd do if "the time came", screenshots of some of the platforms where I post, and some of my favorite things, which he planned to "lure me in" with.

He planned to essentially (R-word) me, and get me (with his child) so I "couldn't leave him". He also planned to (unalive) Mia, so he could "get her out of the way of his true love". I don't know what he planned to do to her after he (unalived) her, but I can gurantee that it would not have been good.

He did get me something for Christmas, actually. He uhh...he got me a s3x toy. And he mailed it to me. (Or delivered it himself, I don't know which.)

I assumed it must've been a mistake, because there was no indication that it was mine, or even for me, so I assumed that UPS or something had the wrong address. So I threw it away and basically said, "Oh well, guess someone's boyfriend/girlfriend will have one less present this year." He didn’t appreciate that.

He was mad because he knew I wasn’t using the toy he got me, because he’d been watching me when I was going solo a few times. He was disappointed because his gift wasn’t there. Not that I wanted it, anyway…

The creepy thing about it though, was the letter that was attached to it. Basically, in summary, it said: "I miss you so much, my one true love, we'll be together soon."

I thought the person who mailed it to me might've had a long distance partner or something.

After Christmas, he'd calmed down for like a month, but at the beginning of February, he picked up again. He found out Mia's phone number from where she worked, and started to text and harass her. She hadn't told me, (I think she was scared to) so it all came as a surprise to me when he texted me eventually.

Basically, most, if not all, of the texts were basically him threatening and pressuring her to leave me or else "something bad would happen". He also sprinkled in a few "she's mine", "she doesn't want you", you know, the like.

After she'd blocked him, she hadn't told anyone about it.

So after he started to text me, she admitted to everything. I wasn't mad, of course. So, we contacted the police. I'll spare you the details.

I think I was more concerned for Mia than myself, even though his motto was basically "If I can't have her no one will". I think, at the time, she was in more danger than I was. Apparently, he somehow knew (Of course he fucking did) that I was going to my MIL's house.

A few hours later, he somehow managed to start texting Mia again, and he began to threaten me. Saying bs like "I'm gonna (R-word) you and your fiancée if you don't listen to me". I probably can't say much more without guidelines sniping me.

And then the rest of it happened. So, yeah. That's the end of it.

Thank you all (especially my mooties) for all of the support, and I'm (thankfully) okay now and (fortunately) fully intact.

Everything’s happened so fast…I know it probably seems fake to you guys, but I’m not in the mood for any snarky comments right now. Most of this happened literally the day after I received those messages.

Also, I might take down a few posts with pictures of myself soon. Just a heads up if you liked one and it suddenly disappears.

#charlotte rambles #tw stalking #tw mention of violence #tw mention of premeditated + attempted (R-word) #stalker #thankfully i'm okay #i might get back to posting soon #we'll see #but i'm safe now #hopefully

[krikeymate]

You know what bothers me the most about Scream 5? That Tara forgives Sam so easily. Like, if someone left me without an explanation, someone who meant the world to me… I can’t even imagine that pain. Don’t want to imagine it. It’s like mourning someone but knowing that they willingly left you behind and are probably living a happy life somewhere out there while you’ve been ripped to pieces… it’s almost as much of a betrayal as what Amber did. I don’t think I’d be able to forgive that person so easily. So quickly. It doesn’t make sense that Tara forgave Sam so fast. I’m glad they showed a bit of angry Tara in Scream 6, but it’s still not enough.

I’d love to see Sam reacting to Tara telling her that she forgives Amber, and Sam’s mad because of it, telling Tara that Amber has no right to be forgiven for what she did and then I need someone to tell Sam how much Tara suffered while she was gone and I need Sam to realise that Tara forgiving Amber isn’t much crazier than her forgiving Sam. Idk man, maybe I’m just not a good person, but like, I’d give Sam a way harder time if she tried to walk back into my life, just like that 🤷🏼‍♀️

A very valid complaint to have!

I think it speaks to the bond that Tara had with Sam that she would forgive her so fast, because - as we learn at the end of 6 - despite the pain that letting her back in may bring, she would still rather have her in her life than not. She probably spent all those years wishing her sister would come home, that she would do anything to have her back in her life. She just wanted to know why, and Sam does provide that.

Furthermore, the context is very very important. Sam was only 13 when her world fell apart, she blamed herself for their father leaving, she was terrified of who she might be because of her father, their mother was probably not that great - and Tara was only 8. Sam didn't want to dump all that on a kid. There was literally nothing Tara could have done to help Sam in that difficult time... and she knows that. Sam was just a scared kid trying to cope, and she was drowning. She left because she thought she was a danger to Tara. Sam has only ever tried to do what's best for her sister.

Tara's happy to see her sister, because that's all she's wanted for years. She forgives Sam because she knows she never meant to hurt her, that she thought it was for the best. She chooses to keep her in her life because she loves her.

That doesn't mean she's not angry, it doesn't mean she doesn't have a lot of conflicting feelings that begin to rise up when things get frustrating.

As I pointed out in my last fic, Amber hurt Tara for selfish reasons, Sam hurt Tara while trying to protect her. Those are not the same, and they can't be treated the same.

#/mp #ask box #Scream #Sam Carpenter #Tara Carpenter #-the girls #-notes

[the-desolated-quill]

Just finished watching the Fallout TV show. Absolutely loved it! Please believe that I’m not exaggerating when I say that this is the best video game adaptation I’ve ever seen. The writing is complex and thoughtful, the characters are nuanced and relatable even at their most morally reprehensible, the three lead actors are fantastic in their roles, and I love how they tie the story into the existing canon and how everything culminates at the end into a gut-wrenching, but satisfying conclusion.

Be warned however that it is extremely violent. If you’re at all squeamish like me, this may be a bit tough to sit through at points because the blood and gore is very graphic. Limbs get blasted off, broken bottles get stabbed into people’s faces, someone loses an eye in a horrific way. Thankfully when those scenes do occur, they give you some forewarning rather than try to jump scare you, which is nice. But as I say, as much as I enjoyed this series, it was hard to stomach in places because of the gore and injury detail. In fact the only reason I persevered was because it was only eight episodes long. Had the season been any longer, I don’t think I’d have been able to cope. 😅

Also, Fallout has been marketed as a dark comedy, and it is a dark comedy, but the dark elements are very dark. The last episode in particular is incredibly bleak. That being said, the season as a whole is still an emotionally rewarding experience that handles its ethical complexities and themes infinitely better than HBO’s The Last Of Us does.

If this is the only season of Fallout we get, then it’s a fantastic and worthy addition to the Fallout canon with a conclusive ending. If we get a second season, then I’ll be the first in line to watch it, and I can’t wait to see how they expand the story further!

#fallout #fallout tv series #amazon prime #review