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glassprism · 2 years

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hello! this is a little bit of different question, but if you were to make alw poto into a jukebox musical (keep the format (costumes, plot, sets, song placement in the show, etc.) but change the songs), which singer would you select and which songs of thiers would go in place of each of the poto songs? sorry if this was worded confusingly!

Hmm, is now a bad time to let everybody know that I basically just listen to musicals, movie soundtracks, and ballets nowadays and rarely listen to any pop music or bands? So unfortunately, my knowledge here is pretty limited.

But do you know whose knowledge is not limited? My younger sister and her intense knowledge of kpop band BTS! So here is The Phantom of the Opera as BTS songs, with her explanations in place. (Note that I picked only the "main" songs lest I overwhelm her, and also tried to stick with ones that have more generalized themes rather than ones that are more plot-heavy and context-specific. Also note that the only BTS songs I've ever listened to are the ones in the concerts I've been forcibly dragged to, so all her explanations are hers alone, I have no clue how true they are.)

Overture - The Last (Instrumental): kinda dark with bassy beats and guitar at the end

'Think of Me' - Let Go: BTS sings their final song to their fans, asking us to not forget them, mourning but accepting the fact that they are ready to let go of us; I think this fits the show within the show because BTS ended up not disbanding in 2018, but released this song anyway to perform

'Angel of Music' - Pied Piper: BTS use a Pied Piper analogy, acknowledging how their fans obediently follow their tune and are trapped by it, and how they pander to it; I guess its more like the phantom's POV, not Christine's, so not sure if its a perfect match

'The Phantom of the Opera' - Dimple (vocalists only): BTS sings about an obsessive and dangerous desire towards a person with an 'illegal dimple' and charming smile

'Music of the Night' - First Love (Suga solo): Suga describes his first love (a piano lol) that he learned to play as a child AND ALSO Moonchild (RM solo): RM sings about he finds comfort in the moonlight, not sunlight, and begs a moonchild not to cry but to shine at night

'Notes I' - Tear (rapline only): BTS raps about their potential disbandment in 2018, the tears the cried, the fights they had, their own disillusionment, doubts, and confusion about the future

'All I Ask of You' - Friends (Jimin and Taehyung duet): Jimin and V sing about how they were friends when they met at childhood, and how they want to stay soulmates forever no matter what

'Masquerade' - Fake Love: BTS sings about how they erase their feelings and literally hide behind masks to create this fake love between themselves and the fans presumably

'Twisted Every Way' - Seesaw (Suga solo): Suga talks about a love that is confusing and flips back and forth like a seesaw

'Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again' - Dear My Friend (Suga solo): Suga sings about an old friend he had and lost when his friend went to prison and got addicted to drugs, and wonders what life would be like if he had been able to help the friend

'Point of No Return' - Just One Day: WTH I just read the lyrics to this I didn't know it was also super horny 'OUR BGM IS THE SOUND OF OUR BREATHING' WTH basically just how much they want to sleep with someone for just one day WOW WTH I THOUGHT THIS WAS SWEET SONG

'Final Lair' - Her (Rapline only): This song kinda comes full circle with the Tear song, where BTS finally accepts that we are the answer, even though we are also the cause of their tears, and acknowledge that they can never take off their mask, and how they both love and hate us, but are okay with it because we make them happy and we are their 'beginning and end'; uh maybe that's not redemption LOL

And there you have it.

#GP gets asks #anonymous

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fangqueen · 3 years

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I was tagged by @skeptiquewrites! Thank you so much! 🖤🖤🖤

1. why did you choose your url?

Fangqueen has been my username on every other platform for...idk, probably like 12 years at this point. And most importantly, it’s the name I publish my fanfiction under on AO3, so I figured it was about time my Tumblr matched.

2. sideblogs?

I used to have blogs for rp characters I played......but yeah. We don’t talk about that. 😅 I’ve deleted them all since then anyway - except for one that was special to me. So no sideblogs, I just dump everything on here, haha! Unless you count my blogs for the fests I run, @rondracofest and @hpcrackficfest.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

Ten years in September, babyyyyyy! 😂 Of course, I’ve changed my username a couple times over the years, but yeah, I’ve been on this crazy site for ten fucking years, wth.

4. do you have a queue tag?

I have to be honest, I either rb immediately, or schedule for a specific time later on. Literally didn’t even use my queue till I started doing fic recs, haha. So I guess I could technically say it’s #fangqueen recs fics, ‘cause those are the only posts I use it for.

5. why did you start your blog?

Honestly, it was so long ago, I have no idea, lol! Probably because other places I’d frequented prior to that time (and sometimes still do), like LJ/DW/IJ, Hex, etc., were kind of starting to die out, and I heard Tumblr was cool(??? 😂), so I decided to check it out.

6. why did you choose your icon?

This picrew is adorable, and actually looks pretty close to me in real life, haha! Plus it had flag/button options for both bisexual and bigender, and I couldn’t pass that up.

7. why did you choose your header?

I’m fangqueen. It’s fangs. That’s pretty much it, LOL.

8. post with most notes?

I honestly have no idea how you would even find out something like this. 😂 I looked on my activity page, but it’ll only let me go back as far as a month. So in the last month, my top post has been me talking about why I love Dron.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

Again, no clue where I’d find this info, but I’m sure quite a few!

10. how many followers do you have?

385

11. how many people do you follow?

354

12. ever made a shitpost?

Oh, probably have, although I can’t remember what it would’ve been now.

13. how often do you use Tumblr each day?

HA.

Okay, sorry, I’ll be serious. 😂😂😂 I work from home atm, and I have my personal computer up and running next to me as well the whole day, soooooo........A better question might be, how often do I not?

14. did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?

I don’t think so, no. I don’t know if it’s ‘cause I’ve been a smaller blog most of the time, or because I just don’t normally get involved in that sort of thing, but nah. I’m also never afraid to block people, so maybe it’s that, haha.

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

As a person who’s suffered from anxiety disorder most of their life, I’m very much against those kinds of posts. I know what it feels like to be trapped between having a bad mental health day and not feeling like I have the ability to read/deal with whatever the post’s talking about, and also having a bad mental health day and feeling like I’d somehow be a bad person if I didn’t. I don’t think merely clicking the rb button on fucking Tumblr dot com automatically makes you a good/bad person, and I don’t think it’s right to play with people’s emotions and anxieties about such things just to spread your message. What you choose to put on your blog is up to you, and what you choose to devote your mental time and energy to is up to you. It’s always fine to say “this is important, but I don’t have the capacity to engage with it right now” and skip the rb.

16. do you like tag games?

I fucking LOVE them, I have to be honest with you, haha! I get so excited whenever I’m tagged in one.

17. do you like ask games?

Yes, I also really love ask games. I have no idea why, haha. They’re just really fun to me.

18. which of your tumblr friends/mutuals do you think is famous?

Oh shit...I also have no idea how I’d determine this, but I’m sure in terms of Drarry fandom, I’m probably mutuals with at least a couple famous people. 😅

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

Does my husband count? @digitalspecter 🤭😘. But for real, if we’re mutuals and we talk often, yes, guaranteed I likely have a huge friend-crush on you. Hope y’all know who you are! LOL! 💕

I’m gonna go ahead and tag @veelawings, @peachpety, @the-starryknight, and @digitalspecter - if you’ve already done it or don’t feel like it, no pressure whatsoever!

#fangqueen speaks

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whattodowithkpop · 4 years

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Music Room (Jinjin)

FLUFF

(A/N)- This is another installment of the school one shots I did back in 2017. Please remember these were some of my first fanfictions, so their quality isn’t the best. But I’ve gone back through and fixed the grammar and things so it should be better then it was. I hope you enjoy!

******

I walk quickly through the empty halls with my books stacked high in my arms. I pass class after class, watching my steps closely as I make my way to the library. I unlock the library with the key I got from the janitor and push the door open as I balance my way inside the dark, chilly room. I place my books on one of the tables, preparing my workstation to begin studying.

I studied in the library for an hour, writing notes, finishing assignments, and preparing for upcoming tests. I pack my thinks, returning the library to the state in which I found it before making my quiet exit out of the room.

I make my way through the empty, eerie halls, hearing every step that i make bounce off the walls. I quickly drop my textbooks off at my locker on my way out of the school. As I head for the exit, a shinning light coming through one of the classrooms catches my attention.

The sign says above the door reads Music Room 3, which was a fitting name seeing as I could hear soft music coming from the room. I can hear words, but they were muffled by the door, making me even more curious as to who was using the room. My curiosity gets the better of me as my interest moves me to peak through the window. I see a boy with blond, dyed hair facing away from the door moving around the room in dance like fashion. I gain even more curiosity, going as far as to open the door slight ajar to hear the music fully. I can now hear that the boy is rapping along to the electronic music as he dances around the room. I could tell that he was really talented, even though I had no music background myself.

Occasionally, he would sigh out and start the music over, sometimes also going to a table to write things on a piece of paper. I smile at his diligence to his work, making me wonder who was the boy working so hard.

I peak further into the room, trying to get any clues as to who was occupying the music room. My cockiness ultimately led to my downfall as he spins, facing the door to see me peaking my head in. I gasp quietly as I jerk back into the hallway, praying that he didn’t notice my presence. I contemplate weather I should make a run for it, go in and explain myself, or just wait it out to see what happens.

I decide the right thing to do is to explain the situation, that way if he ever recognized me he wouldn’t be put off by this encounter. With my decision made, I open the door widely, walking into the room fully at a slow pace. As I look around the room

I peak past the door, trying to see who it was. As I look, he begins dancing. He does a spin and faces the door. I gasp quietly and hide behind the door, closing my eyes tight, hoping that he didn’t see me.

After I catch my breath, I peak past the door once more. The boy wasn’t there? I slowly get up and walk into the room. There was no where he could leave from… I look around the room and see no one. Confused, I go to walk back out of the room. When I turn to leave, I see the boy standing in front of me. I gasp and stumble backwards. The boy catches me with his arm, causing me to blush. He helps me stand wth a smile.

“I’m sorry.” I apologize quickly. “I didn’t mean to snoop, I just heard something and was curious and I heard your voice and rhythm and I loved it, so I stayed and listened…” I try explaining quickly.

“You know curiosity killed the cat.” He tells me, still standing near me.

“But, satisfaction brought it back.” I counter.

He smiles widely.

“I’m Jin Jin.” He bows. I introduce myself and do the same. “You liked my rap?”

“Absolutely.” I say quickly. “It flows smoothly and entrances me.” I admit.

“Would you like to hear more?” He asks.

My eyes widen in surprise. He lifts his eyebrows in question.

“I’d love to.” I breath out, not noticing I was holding my breath.

Jin Jin and I spend hours in the music room, playing songs, singing them, and there was even some dancing here and there. Sadly, I notice that it was now dark, meaning it was time for me to leave.

“It’s getting late.” I point out sadly. “I should probably go home.”

“Yea, me too.” He smiles sadly. “Let me walk you home.”

“No, I’ll be fine.” I tell him quickly.

“I insist, I’ll feel better if I know your home safe.” He tells me.

I nod hesitantly. Jin Jin and I leave the school and head toward my apartment. It wasn’t long, maybe seven minutes. As we walk, Jin Jin and I talk about anything that came to mind. unfortunately, seven minutes isn’t enough time to get into too much of a conversation.

“Well, here I am.” I tell him as I gesture to the apartment complex.

“You live here?” He asks.

“Yep.” I nod.

“I live one street over.” He tells me, pointing the complex right behind mine.

“Thats awesome, we’re close.” I say excitedly. He laughs at my excitement.

“Well, if you want…” He starts awkwardly. “I’m going to practice some more tomorrow if you want to hang out again.” He blushes slightly, making me smile.

“I would like that a lot.” I tell him, making him sigh in relief.

“Well,” He hands me his phone with the new contact page up. “I can text you tomorrow and pick you up.” He clears his throat.

I put in my information and hand the phone back to him.

“Text me saying its you, so I know.” I tell him. He nods in understanding.

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He waves goodbye as he walks away. I wave back and head to my apartment.

That was just one of many music room dates I had with Jin Jin, in fact we still hang out in the music room.

Boy, am I glad I stayed late that day to study.

ASTRO MASTERLIST

#astro #astro jinjin #jinjin #kpop #kpop fanfiction #fluff #x reader #astro x reader #jinjin x reader #student au #classroom au #one of my first fanfictions #please be gentle #...#school au #back 2 school challenge

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ikesenlemonadestandstories · 4 years

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Level 4

How is everyone doing? Are you enjoying the seasonal shorts? I hope so :) I’m getting ready to head out of town for the Holiday’s but never fear! I’ve got everything all cued up for your viewing enjoyment!

Tagging: @loudartanimeeclipse

Master List here or check the tag Ikesen AFK.

Warnings: None

Happy Reading! T~

Level 4

You logged yourself in at 6:35pm. Deciding that it would be a good idea to get all your shopping done before you were supposed to meet up with everyone. You didn’t want to be the only one unprepared. Then Yuki’d really never let you hear the end of it, and you super didn’t want to deal with that. With the flick of your joystick, you headed for the market to grab the lance you’d been eyeing for a week now. Making sure to snack between conversations with the shopkeepers.

Once your business in town was finished, you headed to your meeting point, arriving with five minutes to spare. After a few moments of fiddling around with your headset, your control began to vibrate.

*Nin-nin0217 has invited you to a group chat.*

With a smile on your face, you happily accepted.

Braves6Coins → Yo! Where you at?

Nin-nin0217 → She’s sitting over there. Near that bush.

With a smile on your face you prompted your avatar to wave. Sticking your tongue out at Yuki when he flipped you the bird.

Ur a child. ← WildCyt0m3try

TigerOfKai681 → Oho, she’s got spirit. I like it. The name suits you, Wild.

God_of_War → We’re wasting time. Let’s go

RoseW@terHeals010 → Were you seriously about to leave with out me!? Jeeze, hold your horses wouldya

God_of_War → The only one here with a horse is Brave, and you and I both know he’s got no clue how to ride it.

Braves6Coins → Hey! Wth man!

God_of_War → Are you done? Can we go?

RoseW@terHeals010 → Oh my gosh. @Brave6Coins did that hurt? Do you need ice?

Braves6Coins → Shove it!

TigerOfKai681 → Now, now. Is that any way to talk to a lady?

Fine_as_art1156 → Technically no, but how can you be so sure Rose is, in fact, a lady? Depending on stat growth, it makes more sense to play as a female character if one wishes to have access to the gremory class later on.

RoseW@terHeals010 → Now that’s just uncalled for. I’m a bonafide female. Both Brave and Nin can vouch for me there.

Brave6Coins → Who said I wanted too?

Nin-nin0217 → Rose is indeed a female.

RoseW@aterHeals010 → Thank you Nin! At least someone here wants to be healed today.

God_of_War → If you don’t plan on doing your job, why did you even bother showing up?

RoseW@terHeals010 → I came specifically to piss you off.

TigerOfKai681 → Ladies, gentlemen, War...we have a guest, we’re being very rude.

You’re being hysterical, is what you’re being. xD You guys are crazy! ← WildCyt0m3try

TigerOfKai681 → Happy we could entertain you, my lady. *bows*

You rolled your eyes at the wall of text that quickly began turning into another argument. At least this wouldn’t be boring. How did they find the time to get anything done bickering like this? You wondered as you followed them out of town and into the swap map. At least you’d get to take out a few good beasties tonight.

The group of you weren’t on the map long before you got the notification to turn your headset on.

“Is everyone here?” A voice you knew to be Sasuke’s asked over the intercom.

“Yes.” A deep baritone came through your speakers. It came out a low rumble though a bit domineering, instantly commanding your attention. Who the hell was that?

“Tiger of Kai also present.” The light tone of his voice made you smile, that certainly wasn’t what you had been expecting. At least his response narrowed down your question.

“Fine Art is here.” His voice lower, yet slightly more nasally than Tiger’s, though he spoke slower with a draw on his vowels.

“Brave checking in. I’m all good to go!” Yuki’s voice played, urgent and familiar as ever.

“Rose here, reporting for duty.” The soft soprano of your friend’s voice was in stark contrast to the voices she followed.

“Wild is present.” You spoke into your microphone, choosing to speak after everyone else had gone through the roll call, oddly nervous for them to hear your voice.

“Oh, see! Wild most certainly is a girl!” Tiger exclaimed in excitement. “No, a woman. With the voice of a goddess!”

“Uh, I think that may be a bit much.” You responded, wondering if this guy was for real. Then again, Rose had warned you at lunch he was a major flirt.

“She’s a boar is what she is,” Yukimura called out over Tiger’s ramblings.

“So you know Wild as well then?” Art questioned over the ensuing argument.

“Does it matter?” The man you assumed by now was War asked, the exasperation clear in his voice. “Can we get on with this quest? Or do you all plan to just stand around and blather all day?”

“I’m just trying to get to know my teammates,” Tiger responded defensively.

“Best not to let him get to know you too well, ladies,” Sasuke responded, sending the whole group into a tizzy. It wasn’t often that anyone got to hear him use that tone of voice.

You were so busy enjoying the conversation the group had to offer you almost missed the change in music as you pushed forward through the swamp.

“Uh guys, beasties. Twelve o’clock.” You called over the mic. Taking down a low-level monster that had come careening through the forest in your direction.

The entire group sprung into action, moving around the map to better defend yourselves and the area. It didn’t take long to take care of the surprise attack, and the intercom system came back to life quickly as everyone became less concentrated on using their unit for battle.

“So, you’re not completely useless.” War commented as you hacked at another enemy.

“Uh, thanks. I think?” You responded in near confusion as a new mission header popped up across your display.

*Mission: Defend the base for 12 turns, or defeat all of the enemies. Fail: The base falls, all units defeated.*

It looked easy enough, but that didn’t mean anything. This game was quickly becoming known for its ridiculous curveballs. With its initial success and players becoming more and more adept at defeating the challenges, the creators had become increasingly creative at taking down the higher ranking players. So it was better to watch out. Especially with someone in a Master Class on the team. The last thing you wanted to do was be smacked across the swamp by some weird-ass beast that regenerated every two turns if you couldn’t defeat it fast enough. Not on your to-do list for the evening.

As each player accepted the mission, positions were distributed, and the map was enlarged in the top left corner of your TV. So you had all been separated.

“So, what’s the plan? It looks like they divided us to the far corners, with Art being the closest to the base. Are we all bee-lining to take defensive measures, or do we just want to cut down anything we come across?” You asked wondering how your new team wanted to go about this.

“A beautiful voice and brains! Where did you find this woman?” Tiger asked in a sing-song voice.

“In a dungeon. Can we please move on?” Yukimura seethed. Technically he wasn’t wrong. You and Rose did work in the basement of the hospital, it was an apt nickname for the lab.

“I say we split the jobs.” Sasuke cut in. “Tiger, you’re not going to make it very far, so I say you do what you can and obliterate anything that’s dumb enough to get near you.”

“That I can do.” The smile was evident in Tiger’s voice.

“Art, are you okay to hold down the fort? Blow things away from a distance? We’ll send Wild in as back-up. Her movement stat is exceptional, and she can cover the most ground the fastest.” Sasuke suggested, and you preened internally at the compliment.

“I would love back-up. Wild, whenever you can get here would be wonderful.” Art spoke through his mic.

“Rose, you should work your way towards the middle of the field where that forest is. You can hide in the terrane while also healing using your wide faith magic range to your advantage.”

“Roger that,” Rose responded with enthusiasm.

“Brave, since you’re on the horse do what you can to take out as many beasts as you can before they reach Rose. Once you get there and the forest is secured for her, make your way around the field.” Sasuke suggested.

“So take down as many beasts as possible for Rose. Got it.” Yuki replied, a little too smug.

“War, please feel free to do as you always do,” Sasuke spoke, quick to interject the fight that was bound to start with Yuki and Rose.

“Of course.” His voice was drawn out, and you could sense the smile. War was going to enjoy this.

“I’ll wander the map, open up any gates and chest I see before making my way towards the base. Sound like a plan?”

“A very good one.” You replied, excited for the battle to begin. The muddled confirmation of your teammates could be heard in your headset. You couldn’t make much out with everyone talking at once, but that didn’t matter to you. This was still going to be a blast.

#ikesen #ikemen sengoku #ikesen afk #ikesen modern au #ikesen gamer au #ikesen long fic #ikesen reader insert #my story

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ironspidermcu · 5 years

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FAR FROM HOME SPOILERS

-the comic sans,,,, was everything

-whitney Houston made me sad but my friends next to me were laughing lol

-buckY aS a hErO

-peter and mj’s romance??? out of nowhere? but i stan anyway

-ned and becky’s romance,,, i love

-the whole perfume scene,,,, the double headphone jack,,, am in love

-the airport girl who minded her business

-bo

-brad, we don’t stan,,, everything he did was reasonable but still annoying

-tom and zendaya serving only LOOKS

-may and happys romance

-peters cute ass plan for mj

-thE MASK

-peter hitting his head TWICE on that damn bell

-looking back at it,,,, did anyone really get wet with the whole water giant scene,,,, that shoulda been a clue

-“spider-man’s awesome, he’s a just a respectable man,,,,,,,, sup dickwad”

-all of the people knocking on the door i-

-“never apologize for being the smartest man in the room”

-okay “fury” lEAVE MY BOY ALONE stOp attAckIng hIm dAmn

-“even dead i’m the hero” i loVE TONY

-the whole “take off your clothes scene” so awkward i-

-peter accidentally ordering a whole ass strike against brad,,,, a mood

-peter thinking fury would leave him alone,,,, we stan one (1) dumbass

-NIGHT MONKEY

-again FURY LEAVE MY BOY ALONE WTH

-“the glasses don’t look good on you” what a mf lier

-peter drinking out of a bendy straw i-

-mysterio and his shenanigans we hate

-taking advantage of my boi peter like that damn

-i thought the whole thing with the “poor boy” scene was going to come into play like that was going to be his weakness, his care for peter buT NOPE this man is ruthless

-“i-“ “am spiderman”

-“was that the only reason you were watching me” brOKE ME

-“okay i was like only 67% sure”

-mysterio underestimating peter and his friends

-the whole illusion thing WOW

-DONE SO WELL

-knew the thing w tony was gonna happen but waS STILL NOT PREPARED

-thE TRAIN

-my boy still had the strength to pull himself into the train,,, underestimated AGAIN

-the whole jail scene,,, underrated

-my boi peter scared for his life and limping with happy bROEK ME AGAIN

-pETER WATCHING PORN IN GERMANY

-peter and happy in the plane talking about tonY BROKE ME

-everything,,,, broKE ME

-“i love led zeppelin” *acdc plays*

-peter looking a lot like tony while building his suit and happy acknowledging it too uGH

-“stay sticky”

-“peter tingle”

-the surfboard

-“now that’s a load of bullshit”

-“i wORK WITH SPIDER-MAN NOT FOR SPIDERMAN”

-mj and her mace

-“i’m in love w spider-man’s aunt,,,, what i thought we were sharing”

-ABSOLUTE BADASSERY COMING FROM THE PETER TINGLE THAT WAS THE BEST ACTION SCENE LIKE EVER, DC COUDL NEVER

-beck about to shoot peter in the face scHocked me but damn peter back at it again w the peter tingle

-“people will believe whatever i want them to believe” came into play wAY TO QUICKLY

-the whole awkward puppy love and kisses between peter and mj i lOVE

-i thought peter was gonna pull a tony and say “the truth is,,,, i am spider-man”

-mj is me if i were to ever swing around the city

-BECK LEAVE PETER ALONE DAMMIT

-caNT WAIT FOR THE NEXT MOVIE

-i wanna see flash’s reaction to peter being spider-man

-ALL IN ALL: cinematic poetry,,,, im glad they made peter angst,,, sounds horrible but it was needed or else it wouldn’t have been realistic.

-tHE VISUALS SLAPPED

-EVERYTHING SLAPPED

-TOM HOLLANDS ACTING WAS AMAZING SO TALENTED,,, SOMEONE GIVE THIS MAN A GRAMMY PLS

-mysterio was probs one of my favorite villains ever,,,, no remorse super smart and well thought out like wow you don’t find that very often,, respect

-this film did not disappoint at all 100/10 that’s all i gotta say

#far from home #spiderman #peter parker #tony stark #marvel #mcu #iron man #mysterio #tom holland

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chnsfairy · 5 years

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a rose of a different color | yang jeongin

words ; 2,302

requested ; no

genre ; fluff

warnings ; literally one, maybe two, curse words

a/n ; dedicated to one of the best people i know

m.list in bio

ok so maybe you weren’t a big fan of the whole valentines day thing

flowers and chocolates and whatnot

the whole shEbANG

love was such a foreign concept to you as throughout your first couple years of high school you’d been solely focusing on your grades,, you didn’t have time for romance or anything like that

cAUSE WE GOTTA GET THOSE GOOD GRADES KIDS ヽ( `д´*)ノ

your school had, unfortunately, decided to sell roses and chocolates that could be anonymously given to people. it was pretty cheap and people had fun sending their friends or special someone presents throughout the day

but you hadn’t been paying attention to whatever that was,, in the end, you completely forgot about it

anyway,,, i mean you’ve got a history test tomorrow GOOD LUCK BBY (づ￣ ³￣)づ

you’ve got other things to focus on other than that stuff

so while other’s were busy wasting a dollar on the red roses, you were catching up on some school work in the library

at this point during the day it was nice and quiet, only a couple of other kids were sitting at the desks surrounding you and the librarian had left to eat or something

no one really knows where she goes

and the only noise that you could hear was the scribbling of pencils on paper or the clicky noise of fingers tapping keyboards

well that was until jisung decided to burst through the door and diSRUPT EVERYBODY LIKE USUAL THAT KID IS LOUDD (⇀‸↼‶) (＃＞＜)

your best friend everybody, with his fluffy blonde hair and headphones, permanently glued to his ears

“look y/n- i love that you always fix up my essays and homework for me, really, but you gotta do something other than just sit in here and workkkk” jisung said, quickly sliding into the seat across from you and took the book from out of your hands and into his lap

“hey!” he took your book bitch you want it back (︶︹︺)

“nope,, you can get it after class if you want~” jisung stood up and started waving it in the air before checking his watch and giving you a smirk

“lunch is over anyway do you ever check the clock?” book still in his hand he headed towards the doors that opened up into the busy hallway and disappeared into the crowd of students

did you want to get up?

did you have to to get that useless education?

yes

so you frantically tried to shove everything back into your bag,, dropping things multiple times onto the floor as you scramble to catch up with jisung

who feels miles away at this point

and after about ten seconds you just gave up said ‘fuck this’ and started walking at a normal pace towards your locker

aint no boy gonna make you run through the crowd of rushing teens o(>< )o (;¬_¬)

however when you did reach your locker you could clearly see the same boy you just basically ran away from you, leaning against the metal box and who seemed to be reading the back of your book

jisung saw that you were coming up from the hallway and stood up straight, allowing you to actually open your locker instead of just block you from it

“so can i have it back now?”

“i don't know what you’re talking about.”

that littlE-

“you know what- nevermind i guess you’ll just have to work on calculus by yourself” you chuckled lightly to yourself as you opened your locker

“wha- no! i’ll give it- oh hey” jisung stopped mid-sentence as he peered into the same metal box you were looking at

“woah y/n who’s the lucky guy?”

“uhhhh,,, no one???” wth jisung you know its me stfu

when you looked in you could see a delicate rose laying at the bottom of your locker next to your books, the same one the school had been selling to students

carefully, you picked it up to examine the red flower closer,, it was beautiful, to say the least

it almost looked perfect you were shocked to see it being preserved this well

“at this rate its gonna be like that forever-”

beT you wacked his arm as he gave out a small laugh and raised his hands in surrender

“im kidding~ anyway, who’s it from?”

you looked deeper into your locker, maybe this person left a note or something,,, who knows

“um it doesn’t say...” you said, still confused, as you close the door to your locker

“uuuu y/nnnnn~ looks like someones pining over youuuu” h a its me

you quickly shook your head and shrugged it off as jisung went on about how good this was for you

ok so maybe you’re kinda dying on the inside and you’re trying really hard not to say anything but this is kinda sweet and adorable and omg you dont even know who this kid is but they’re already doing things to you and your heart<(｀^´)>

‘GETTING ROSES FROM STRANGERS DOESNT MATTER’ YEAH OK SURE LOOK AT YOU NOW

“sungie a flower can mean a lot of different things” you argued

“but on valentines day?? of all days?? come on y/n,, red one's represent love you know”

“yeah yeah whatever,” you said as you continued walking towards your next, soon arrivng and heading for the back of the classroom where you took a seat in your usual spot

“hey how do you think they got into your locker?” jisung questioned as he plopped his bag on the floor and sat in the seat next to you

oh shit he’s right how- huh- how did they get in cREEPY

“maybe they have access to the master key,,, um student council?”

“jisung why would the student council have access to the master key?”

jisung scratched the back of his head and shrugged his shoulders

“i dont know maybe they stole it~” he wiggled his eyebrows and gave you a smirk before pulling out

“oh shut up, they probably know seungmin or something- who’s mom is literally the principle”

the teacher had then started the class and for the first time in a while you found yourself distracted, you couldnt focus on anything the teacher was saying and your notebook remained empty by the end of the period

i mean like

the fact that someone went to all that trouble just to give you that,, i mean couldnt they have done it another time?? i mean you’re not complaining at all,, but you dont want to make someone go out of your way to do that (╯︵╰,)

“y/n its time to go, come on” snapping out of your daze you see jisung and everyone else packing up to leave “wow first time i’ve seen you distracted about anything”

iTS NOT YOUR FAULT YOUR HEART IS GOING bBoM BOM BECAUSE OF THIS STUPID PLANT OK ヽ(`⌒´メ)ノ

“n-no there was just nothing note worth today”

“uh huh sure”

the rest of the day passed as normal, you only had one more class before you headed home and all you were doing was working with your project partner, jeongin, to finish a presentation, which was due next week

when you got home you found a small vase from a cupboard in the kitchen and filled it with water before placing the pretty flower in it,, unsure of what else to do with it but put it on your desk

the next day went the same as always, you went to class, jisung annoyed you to a point where you felt like hitting him, but you gave up and helped him with his math work and you read in the library during lunch

nothing new

you met jisung at your locker once again after lunch and you could clearly see the sweat laced across his forehead and his heavy breaths indicated that he was probably outside playing basketball with hyunjin or something

“what’s your bet i can cheat on this history test”

“can i bet negative”

“wow o ye, of little faith,, come on believe in me”

rolling your eyes you opened your locker once again to grab a book, which you were instead met with what looks like another rose?

but its not valentines day??

“y/n there's no denying it now”

this time the fragile blossom was more of a lavender shade

“oh hey cool it’s a different color,” jisung said as he peered over shoulder “that means its got a different meaning”

“hey maybe you’ll ace a botany quiz instead of this history one, yeah?”

“haha very funny”

and that was that,,, you left it in your locker and took it home and placed it gently in the vase with the other flower, not giving it much thought other than that

still you were kinda curious

over the weekend you almost forgot about it, but your mind still drifted to the origin and the person who bought the flowers that continued to sit at your desk

you didnt know how to feel honestly, you had no clue who this person was yet they still make your insides all squishy (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄) uWU

on monday, you thought that this whole thing would have passed and that you would never get to find out who your rose giver was

yet when you opened your locker yet again after lunch, with a wild jisung peeking over your shoulder again, there they were again

but this time there was wayy more than just a single flower

a bouquet of thirteen different colored roses, all identical and just utterly gorgeous

“you know i once read something about the number of roses given to you...although i’ve forgotten about it now” jisung whispered, causing you to jump back in surprise

turning to your friend you gave him a glare before closing your locker once again

“oh come on arent you curious who it is??”

“no”

“yeah right y/n i can tell you do”

“i do not,, because whoever it is shouldnt waste their time or money on me”

jisung laughed and swung his arm around your shoulder, “ok y/n whatever you say”

for the rest of the week this person continued to fill your locker with all sorts of colors and combinations of roses

and day after day the number seemed to get smaller, tuesday it was twelve, wednesday there were ten, on thursday it suddenly dropped down to two, and finally back to only one on friday

but something was different this time

there was actually a note

“meet me by the orchid tree after school? um only if you want to...”

even in their notes they sounded adorable you couldnt just not go,, and you would be lying if you were to say you weren’t at all curious

jisung continued teasing you throughout the entire week, offering to find out who it was if really necessary and ended up just continuously guessing who it could be when you said no

“awww look at my y/n,, growing up and getting into relationships~” jisung cooed as you put the rest of your notebooks into your bag and pulled out the single rose from this afternoon, as well as the note that came with it

you were actually quite nervous, to say the least, i mean,, you’ve never had any experience with romance and you didnt know what you were even going to say

throughout the afternoon you had kept fidgeting with your fingers and hair out of nerves, and when it finally came to leave for the day your hands were clammy and you just felt so...jittery

jisung pat your back and pushed you out the front doors and into the small courtyard, motioning towards the old orchid tree that sat at the other end of the field

“ok if you’re not back in five minutes im going home and assuming you’ve got a date,” he said giving you a wink before pulling out his headphones from his bag

‘go!’ jisung mouthed before he sat down on a bench near the front doors,, leaving you completely vulnerable on your own

breath. take a couple steps. breath. take a few more. just keep breathing and maybe the nerves will calm you down,, you thought as you made your way across the grass towards the tree

in the distance you could see a boy sitting under it, black hair covering his head and such bright red roses in his hands you could see them from all the way over here

as you reached closer you were able to make out the face of your admirer

“jeongin?” you asked, an unknowing relief sound filling your voice

standing up quickly, red across his cheeks, jeongin gave you a small smile before looking back down at the ground

“are you disappointed?” he asked, you could hear the nerves tint his sentence,, he went through all this trouble because he just has no other clue hOW TO TALK TOO SOMEONE SO AMAZING AS YOU OK HES SCARED OF REJECTION HE DIDNT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO

“um, surprisingly?” you took a couple more steps towards him, only a couple of inches separated the two of you now

“not really” you said before quickly pecking his cheek, causing jeongin’s entire face to go red

you quickly hid in your hands and shook your head,, trying not to squeal or do anything more stupid than you just did

“a-ah im sorry!”

you heard a small giggle come from in front of you,, opening your eyes you saw jeongin holding six pure crimson red roses out in front of him

“im glad~” he said as you took the small bouquet from his hands

“wanna go see a movie or something?” jeongin offered, hope glittering his eyes you couldnt help but grin

“of course i would”

bonus ;

“hey you dyed your hair again.” you said to jeongin, carefully reaching your hand out to touch it

“uh yeah...do you like it?”

“i love it black baby,” taking his hand in yours you gave him a smile “you look really good.”

197 notes · View notes

olimpiafuckingtravers · 4 years

Text

Family Meeting

“Will you take me to my house?” she asked the elf. the letter Esme sent her still in her hand.

“Yes miss, please take my hand.” it offered its hand and she took it, the uncomfortable feeling of side-apparitition not helping her nerves. When they materialized outside her door, she turned to the elf wth a questioning look. “This is the closest I may take young Miss Oli, I have never seen your lovely home from the inside" the elf bowed as it spoke.

“Ca-Can you stay for a moment? Help me... uhh, explain?”

“I shall assist Miss Oli in what she needs.” it nodded.

Olimpia took a deep breath, entering her home and finding it empty. “Uh..mum? Dad?” she called, only a tiny comfort coming to her from all of the decor of her home, she did miss it...

"Olimpia is that you!?” Aurora Travers’ voice echoed as she came down their ornate staircase, clinging to her robe as she neared the girl. “ Why are you out of school!? Why do you have one of the Malfoy elves with you!? Is everything alright?” the woman brushed her girl’s hair from her face, looking her over for any marks before pulling her into a tight hug.

Oli opened her mouth and then closed it before trying again “I thought this would be faster than an owl...” she looked down at the elf, as if it was missing its cue

“The Lord and Lady wish to formally be introduced to your daughter, Madam” she elf squeaked, unsure of what it could actually say without speaking out of turn.

“That’s--what? Elrick! Have you received an owl from Lucius?” Oli’s mum called upstairs to her husband, the man appeared soon after, his voice exhasperated.

“Woman, I tell you everything, if I received something from anyone you’d know before I do--Olimpia!?” he stopped and shook his head. He neared her and scrutinized the girl’s face, his wand at his side “What did I call you when you were small?” he asked harshly, searching through her face.

“Pia..why?” Oli’s confusion was a welcome break from her nerves. But her mother interrupted before she got an answer. Though her dad’s suspicion became replaced with worry.

“Look darling, the Malfoys are sending for a formal introduction of Olimpia, their elf’s brought her here”

The tall man folded his arms over his chest, scenarios he did not want to dwell on flooding his mind “Okay... start talking child, is there a reason this is so short-notice? Why wouldn’y you tell us you had started seeing Phoebus? Hes such a nice boy..”

“I--well...” Oli stuttered

“That’s so strange, why wouldn’t they tell us? Oli shouldn’t be pulled out of school for--”

“No!” She cut her mother off, “Not-It’s not Phoebus...” she managed to mumble as she looked at the floor.

“Oh..” Elrick shared a look with his wife before speaking again “Olimpia, have a seat.”

The three of them made their way to the nearest collection of plush, precisely positioned couches. The elf took that as his cue to bow and bid them farewell, disappearing with a pop that barely registered in Oli’s ear..the roar of her pulse was deafening. She did her best to take deep breaths, too much was happening right now, she felt like she may pass out...

“Sweetheart... why didn’t--I mean, you’ve never even mentioned--” her mother hesitated, unsure of how to even start this conversation.

“I’m sorry mum, it’s..it’s really hard to--it’s not easy for me...” Oli’s face felt like it was burning.

“We know, but this is one of those things we need to know, that way we’re not..taken off guard.” Her father said, the heel of his palm pressing circles into his eye. He too was trying to take calming breaths, though they were quite different from her’s.

“I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me...” her voice broke, covering her face with her hands

Elrick looked at his wife, this was entirely out of his realm. The woman took her daughter’s hand “We only need you to do well in school, find a good match, and give us grandchildren, Can you still do that?” Aurora simply said, and the smallest sliver of hope broke through inside of Oli.

“I mean, the Malfoys are requesting a meeting, but they didn’t send an owl...” Elrick interrupted, trying to work through this out loud, “Let’s back up. What exactly happened Olimpia?” he man asked, begging or any of this to make sense.

“Well Esme.. she sent me a letter just saying she finally told them, and that I need to meet them, I said I need to talk to you two first, so I told her I’ll be there tomorrow evening...” Oli shrugged “I don’t know if she said who you are”

“Should we send them a letter?” Aurora sighed “It’s fine, tomorrow evening should just about give us enough time... "

“Right. So that makes sense. What doesn’t is that you’re with the wrong Malfoy”

“Elrick--”

“No! This is insane! We’ve been in the dark for Merlin knows how long, We could’ve done something about this!”

“Elrick stop it right now! This is not about that anymo--”

“Aurora! Phoebus was right there! We were talking about approaching the Malfoys abou--!”

“You what!?” She felt something come over her--maybe it was Esme’s influence, she didn’t know, but that well and truly pissed her off. Oli spoke louder than she had this whole conversation, making both of her parents’ head snap to look at her in slight disbelief, she swore she saw a hint of reluctant pride in her father’s eye. “Why? You told me you’d let me choose! Mum literally just said! Yes, I should’ve told you, I’m sorry, I know how in the old ways you are, do you not think that’d be hard for me to try telling you--hey mum, hey dad, I’m sorry, I know you’re expecting me to get with Phoebus, or Theodore, even Flint--whatever. But I’ve found that I love girls, I can’t help it, and I fell in love with Esme, and yes she’s a girl and that;s not what you want, but at least she’s probably the best match out of all of the girls in my house, and I love her. She’s wonderful and perfect and I didn’t mean to but I now I can’t live without her” she took a deep breath, her brain catching up to her mouth “I’m sorry...” she instantly wished she could eat her words, not feeling like she may be sick.

There was silence for a moment, while Oli looked between her parents in mild panic, and her parents looked at each other.

Elrick was conflicted. While he was pissed off that his daughter were to speak to him this way, it was likely the first time he saw any sort of backbone in her, and he couldn’t help feeling just a little proud of her for standing up for herself. Aurora’s mind was racing for something to say, this was certainly not something she’d ever think she needed to talk about.

“Well shit, like that, I suppose.” He finally grumbled. “Ultimately, the Malfoys have now requested to formally meet you, and it’s not like we can refuse whatever it is that they want...”

“Olimpia..” Aurora cut in, “I think your father and I will come with you. We need to know what exactly they want with you. They are our friends but we’ve never discussed...well, anything like this...” she shook her head, sighing nervously.

“Um... so...” Oli started, still confused “Are you...okay?”

Her father let out a humorless laugh, his hands going into the air before letting them drop. “I’m not sure what you expect me to say. I’m going to have to bloody be aren’t I, you’re my only heir and the Malfoys are trying to see if you’re a match into their family.” he shrugged, rubbing his face with his hand... just to think, he thought he was just going to have a nice night with his wife today...

Oli looked at her mother, who looked like she was trying to read an invisible book. “I think this is a bit of a shock isn’t it...it’s going to take some time. I’m sure it took you time to...to come to this conclusion, right?” she asked

“Okay, that makes sense...I’m sorry..” she lowered her head,

“Okay, that’s enough now. no more sorry--you’ve reached your sorry quota.” Elrick stood, taking his daughter’s hand to pull her upward, embracing her for a lingering moment before holding her at arm’s length, sighing as he shook his head “Oh my child...” he simply said before letting her go.

Oli hugged him back, taking a deep breath as she felt herself relax into his hold, a small smile in her lips as he looked at her. Her father was never an emotional man, so she welcomed any affection she got from him.

Aurora watched and breathed a sigh of relief, she knew this was difficult--it was difficult for herself. when Elrick let their daughter go, she took her hand, “Okay, it’s getting late, get some rest, and we’ll start to prepare for this meeting tomorrow.”

the three of them made their way upstairs, Oli felt like a huge weight was lifted and replaced with another one. She had no clue what was awaiting her tomorrow. While she did know the Malfoys, it was an entirely different beast meeting with them as...their daughter’s suitor, she supposed--or would Esme be the one taking that role? Merlin this was going to be so stupid and difficult... But Esme was worth it. She was worth everything.

#drabble #idk let me know what you think.

1 note · View note

survivor-rotuma · 5 years

Text

Ep. 1: “She reeks of minions” - Apollo

Brianna

My dumbass almost put my real name into the confessional link so we are off to a great start!!! So beginning of the game we have to pick a leader. Thomas kinda automatically pushed it to be Apollo which was funny. But then Apollo asked me if I wanted it bcuz he didn’t want it and that’s a no-no. He was scared people would be intimidated that he got an idol clue so I told him to just share the clue with everyone and take the leadership position which he thought was a good idea....for some reason. Lol. Hopefully he doesn’t screw up the immunity challenge for us and I get an idol clue without having to be the leader :P peace out ✌️

Cassie

Getting to know some of my tribemates has been fun and I definitely feel like we've been clicking well so far. I don't have any bad first impressions.

Felix

So I am getting some good vibes off of Flint and Joey. I think they're pretty cool and match my vibes. Cassie is alright, but she doesn't seem to be the talkative type. Finally there's the two that haven't talked. All I'm saying is that if we HAVE to go to tribal then we know who it should be. Also I would never volunteer myself as leader. What do I look like? Responsible?

Zest

I just got to the island and am still a little apprehensive. This is all very new to me. So far, my tribe seems very nice and go with the flow. But, I think that will change as the game progresses. I am definitely trying to just get an idea of people, but, it is very early in the game. We got the clue that "Idols are forged in fire.” Not completely sure what that means yet. Once we know what the challenge is, that will help! I’ve been reading about the other tribes and am curious about how they are all doing. Are they getting closer than mine is? Is my tribe on the right track?

Marie

I’m getting along really well with Kathleen, she is definitely my number one right now and I’d love to work with her!

Flint

The first night has gone better than I had expected. As a somewhat introvert I was nervous about getting to know my tribe but the other players made it easy. Felix and I hit it off really quick, I would consider him my closest ally thus far. Joey and Cassie both talked about being pro-pineapple pizza so that may blossom into an alliance down the road as well. Suzy and Charlie have been quiet so I can see them being an early target if we lose immunity.

Apollo

"https://i.makeagif.com/media/3-26-2018/myXMdc.gif

I feel like signing up for this game was a bad idea for my mental health, but I love Jay more than I love myself so who cares?

First impressions? Thomas suggests me as leader, and I'm shook. I wish I didn't have the name of a Greek God, why couldn't I be ""Steven Smith"" lol. Anyways I got the idol clue and shared it with the whole tribe since I don't need a giant target on my back to start with. Hopefully I can use this leader position to start a team that can work cohesively for the beginning of this game. Ope! The challenge has been posted. I've gotta run! Hopefully I won't be first boot!"

Lysandre

So the tribe has been formed!! The leader is Marie and thats cool! I was then put into a potential alliance chat with me, Marie, and Kathleen! Lets see how this goes! I also chose to participate in the shells challenge and its going great so far, except for the fact that all the numbers are confusing me. Is there a thing for dyslexia but with numbers?? Also I love Jay wtf.

Apollo

I can't believe you put me on the same tribe as Karen again, and I don't know why the hell she thinks Boris is a funny name, but the cat icon, has me living. I didn't know it was her since she wasn't on at the beginning but when she started talking and dragging the midwest I couldn't help but confirm my suspicions. She reeks of minions. Also pretty sure the new zealand person is just Stephen, bless his Soul. As for the rest idk them but being put in the leader position really helped i suppose. Thomas and Zest seem to respect me and Brianna and I are working on the flash game so hopefully we can bond over that. I would love for us to win immunity the first round but at this rate, If Bradley doesn't come on at all tomorrow, we might not even need to go to tribal, it just might be med evac, which would come in handy if we lose, but be a shot in the foot if we win. A little part of me was hoping for some ungodly reason Camilla would come back, but if she is, its not on my tribe :'). I'm imagining that Sam is somewhere but not on my tribe. I can't wait to get on with this game and to see how well I can do with a fresh start.

Gigi

I'm pretty happy with my tribe! Everyone seems kind and levelheaded. I'm kind of worried that I missed out on bonding with them though, since I wasn't around for the first meeting!

Kathleen

"I seem to have formed bonds with a couple of tribe members pretty quickly, I might be wrong but it seems like most of my tribe hasn’t really started playing the game yet so it’s good to get a one up just in case. Our leader, Marie, was someone I suggested because we’d been talking and I thought it would be good to have someone that was starting to trust me as leader.

Also this puzzle is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I have like 500 mental illnesses so that’s saying something."

Lysandre

OK SO LYSANDRE IS DOING EVERYTHING TIM COULDN'T. Their goal in the challenge is to get atleast 101 bundles but a bitch is getting tired. Also queen Jay posted her idol search which I thought was cute! I like how it works but my problem with it is that the idol can be found so fast. It can be found in say... under an hour on your first prompt submission... LIKE HOW I DID. I have an idol yall!!! My first ever Idol!!!! I am so proud of Lysandre, they are doing amazing.

Lysandre

Having the idol feels a little surreal. I am aware that I have it but it is sooooo early in the game that it feels like a joke. I am going to tell no one about the idol moving forward in the game and I'm going to try and save it for no one but me.

Felix

Look who found an idol on their first hunt! I now have a safety net to fall back on just in case any of these people want to be snakes in the grass! We love me being an icon!

Felix

Me not reading the rules? It's more likely than you think. So now I just got to hope that everyone else is able to pull through in this challenge. God this sucks. At least if I am the worst on my team then I can use my idol to protect me. But that would be a waste of an idol so early in the game.

Boris

"HELLO. so the game just started yesterday and honestly?? I'm having so much fun.

playing as a different identity lets me separate myself from the game and play in a way I typically wouldn't. I'm already playing much more socially than I would in a typical game. My tribe sees pretty good! Everyone showed up at least, we're not the MOST active but everyone seems so nice, it'll be pretty easy to get along with everyone

totally off subject but this IDOL HUNT? WHEW. literally iconic. It's so fun to explore the different paths and see what happens. it took me forever to reach an outcome (and it was a negative one, at that), but I just had fun doing it anyway.

I volunteered to do the endurance portion of immunity, and I'm lowkey kinda regretting it. Like, I don't have anything else to do, but I just barely have the motivation to sit and type for hours on end. Oh well, I feel safe enough that even if we don't win I should be safe! hopefully!!"

Joey

"it's been a hot second since i've played one of these things and whew i forgot how exhausting it is getting to know people! i think everyone's in a weird spot because we're trying to remain hidden so we can't release real information about ourselves, so all the conversations i've had have mostly been about food. i've told two people i'm a fan of pineapple on pizza, which is a total lie, but whatever it takes to make connections right?

i put my name out there for the leader role, but quickly gave it up to cassie. i think people are going to gravitate towards her, and i wanted to get in her good graces in case she is the key decision maker here. i feel like a lot of these people don't work as much as i do, which might put me at a disadvantage in the social portion, but what more can i really do?

i volunteered for the flash game because that seemed like the least annoying/time consuming section of the bunch, and on my fourth try i had a really lucky run and got a pretty decent score that i haven't gotten close to since. i think my strategy is going to be to pretend i'm struggling with the challenge, and at the last minute pretend i got my good score to show how hard i worked and how i ~persevered~ or whatever."

Felix

13 votes? Mama you gotta know more people than that

Felix

We're safe! I'm so shook that even though I submitted by accident XD

Marie

Gigi didn’t help with the challenge at all! Like wth pitch in? Tribal tonight should be an easy vote

Cassie

I feel pretty confident about how I did in the challenge for my tribe. We didn't come first, but I believed in my team that we'd still be safe and we were. We can only improve from here to overtake our competition and I still believe in my tribe. Go Tuai!

Thomas

Early days, everyone seems really nice so far, think I have gotten a good team!

Charlie

Honestly nothing particularly juicy atm, everyone is really nice and we are just getting to know each other. Theres a few people I'm vibing with more then others however...maybe a potential alliance in the future?

David Penn

Everyone seems way to chill and i'm waiting for the game to start getting heated. Also our tribe leader kinda dipped and everyones leader.

Brianna

Well. Sumi kind of...demolished that challenge. And I was starting to think we weren’t doing enough lol. It’s nice to see the first challenge results and put everything in perspective for the whole game. Not really any new updates. Bradley appeared for the first time today. Then shortly disappeared soon after. A missing person alert has gone out and he will be in our thoughts and prayers.

Zest

Wow! I am so emotional about our first win. I got really anxious about the puzzle and was worried I’d let my tribe down. Luckily, we all were really supportive of one another. Everyone has a really positive attitude and I am happy with Apollo's leadership. In terms of getting to know people, it is still really early. I have spoken to everyone on my team individually except Bradley.

Lysandre

OK so we lost the motherfucking challenge. I was the only person on my tribe to actually win their category. One of my "allies" Kathleen FLOPPED in the challenge. Luckily Gigi literally does not exist in this plane of existence. Maybe she got snapped by Thanos and she'll come back in 5 years... who knows?? What I do know is that I'm voting for her to go!! Also David approached me with the idea of voting Kathleen. I tried to play it off as if I'm stuck in between voting those two and I hope he bought it but Im obvi not gonna do Kathleen rn because she communicates with me. But we LOVE being the first tribe to go to TRIballlll.

Suzy witters

Im getting on with Felix a bit, and Charlie, I like charlie more though and can see myself working with him throughout the game

Marie

Lowkey can’t believe David actually called Kathleen out in the public chat, not a good move buddy. Let’s just say, he’s lucky that we want to get rid of Gigi or else Kathleen might have made the vote him!

Kathleen

I did HORRIBLY at the challenge and it seems that David was coming after me before some of my alliance members talked him down. We’re going for Gigi tonight so we only have people left that will actually try in challenges, but if we end up at tribal again I might just have to try and convince my alliance members to go for David to save myself.

Boris

"my tribe? Did that. We are a tribe of WINNERS. We dominated the first challenge!

But in less fortunate news, my dumbass needs to stop jumping into pits and volcanoes in the idol hunt. Search 1, I jumped in a lot and everyone was notified of my search. Search 2, I jumped across a volcano and now I can't participate in the next immunity. Which is an endurance! Which im really good at!! And the tribe knows I can do it because I did endurance last round!!!

So now I'm in a position where I kinda have to sit out (luckily our tribe needs to sit someone out anyway) BUT I'm stuck between coming forward and telling the truth, that I fucked up while searching, or make up some excuse for them to let me sit out anyway.

I think the former is smarter. Surely everyone else is searching too, and and maybe they'll respect my honest??? But if not, it could be my downfall. If they know Im searching every day they might be more inclined to vote me off before i find anything, since now they know I have nothing. "

Boris

Wtf why am I stressed, i don't even have to go to tribal

Bryan

So. The next immunity comp is an endurance challenge. And we have boris saying he won’t be able to be here for it because of a family thing. Apollo works til 12. Bradley probably won’t be here because of his disappearing trick. And I work til 10. I’ll hopefully still be able to participate because it’s not constant...but. We are already down three people and the comp hasn’t even started yet oh lord please help us.

Flint

The first Immunity Challenge was tougher then I had expected! I was assigned the seashell necklace making portion which sounded fairly easy but once I got going it was easy to get tripped up in the numbering. Once the results were announced I was glad to see our tribe got second place because I was one of the weaker ones in the challenge performance. Time to step it up!

Bradley

I need to really step up my social game since we won immunity. So its going to be a mess but i want to try and make some connections.

Gigi

Not sure if I'm paranoid or not, but I am idol hunting right now! And got a disadvantage instead. Just my luck!

Raul

Things are weird especially with the whole alias thing but ya know we march on the tribe is kinda quiet so we'll see I haven't seen a target emerge but it'll probably me to be honest

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crowshira · 5 years

Note

1-47? Or whatever questions you like?

Y’know, I got time.

I’m good with doing all of them, so bet. >:)

leggo!!

1) Do you want a girlfriend/boyfriend/significant other?

I have a datemate already, lol (i wuvva them so much uwu).

2) When did your last hug take place?

Uh. Probably today lol. Then again, the last hug I did was when I hugged a cat this morning, so,,, yep lol

3) Are you a jealous person?

When it comes to physical possessions, no. When it comes to my significant other…. Yea…

4) Are you tired right now?

Am I ever not tired lmao

5) Do you chew on your straws?

Oh >.> Yeah actually lol. Better than grinding my teeth because I’m bored tho

6) Have you ever been called a tease?

...no :v

nods

moving on

7) Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?

Yep! My record for longest time w/o sleep is almost 4 days!!

8) Do you cry easily?

No, and sometimes I wish that wasn’t the case :P

9) What should you be doing right now?

I have no clue lol

10) Are you a heavy sleeper?

Yea… I have like- 9 alarms and have managed to sleep through them all some days

11) Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?

It depends on who I’m with and how they are. My current relationship has been going almost 9 months and counting tho ^^

12) Are you mad at someone right now?

Not mad exactly, but there are a few people I dislike pfft

Otherwise, im oki

13) Do you believe in love?

Yep .3.

14) What makes you laugh no matter what?

The dumb talks I have with my friends sometimes pff

15) Who was the last person you talked to?

Mi father :vv

16) Do you get butterflies around the person you like?

Actually << no :v when im with them, thats tbh when i feel very very comfortable

17) Will you get married?

tbh i rly hope to wif mi s/o >>

18) When was the last time you smiled?

and i noticed? maybe last night uwu

19) Does anyone like you?

you can say that .3. err well, i hope so LOL

20) Do you secretly like someone?

i dun needa secretly like someone cuz i already have someone to publicly like :v

21) Who was the first person you talked to today?

mi s/o uwu we woke up on a facetime

22) Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

whaaaaaaaale, mi s/o, mi friends, yknow

23) What are you NOT looking forward to?

...college, but not because of the work or difficulty

24) What ARE you looking forward to?

Transferring from my community college to my college of choice in two years :vv

25) Has someone ever told you they loved you and meant it?

yep lol

26) Suppose you see your ex kissing another person. What would you do?

welllll, if it were mi current s/o, probably cry and die on the inside but accept that thats how it is sometimes x.x

27) Do you plan on moving out in the next year?

i have no clue lol. its kinda useless to dorm at my community college since i live p close

28) Are you a forgiving person?

for the most part, yea lol ive given people hella chances before

29) How many TRUE friends do you have?

im gonna say,,, 5?? 6??? i’unno

30) Do you fall for people easily?

Not easily, maybe,,, moderately??

31) Have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend?

wh- ._. no wth

32) What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?

MY DI- i mean, m&ms

33) Who was the last person you drove with?

mi father :v

34) How late did you stay up last night and why?

Slept at 2:45am-ish because was watching movies and facetiming wif mi s/o uwu

35) If you could move somewhere else, would you?

oh- thats- thats tough. maybe??

36) Who was the last person you took a picture of?

...me

lol

37) Can you live a day without TV?

dude i barely watch TV anymore lol

38) When was the last time you were really disappointed?

A few days ago LOL

39) Three names you go by?

Tristan, Tris, Trist

40) Are you currently in a relationship?

yep ^^ 9 months and counting yo

41) What is your all-time favorite romance movie?

...five feet apart was good

but ah-

idk thats the only romance film i can remember

42) Do you believe that everyone has a soulmate?

I actually believe people can have multiple soulmates

for one, theres poly relationships

and two, just- people have soulmates that help them grow and change as a person permanently imo

43) What’s your current problem?

uhm. anxiety mostly.

44) Have you ever had your heart broken?

y e s. that shit hurt LOL

45) Your thoughts on long distance relationships?

I may be in one for the next two years. All I can say is : they can work out if all parties are willing to dedicate themselves and be true to each other.

46) Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you like them?

dude heck yea

the only serious relationship ive ever been in (this one), my s/o was the one that confessed first LOL so- yea

im too shy .///.

and thats all of it!! pff

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tnallen14 · 5 years

Text

Read previous first

7 o'clock and you came walking back to my bay crying. You walked up to me and just hugged me. It didn't have the slightest clue what happened but I just held you and told you it was going to be okay. Then you said to me you could see my likes. Then I realized you could see all the depressing and sad posts I've liked and you knew what kind of pain I was in. And that made me feel awful because I didn't want you to be sad. I never ever wanted you to be sad. I remember everything. Every memory, joke, laugh, everything. Just like it was yesterday. I know things have gone upside down and they're in shambles. We had this perfect little life planned out together. But please please please I beg you don't give up on the thought of us being together. I never see you anymore. We hardly talk anymore. I feel you getting more distant as the days go by. There will never be anyone in the world who gets me like you do or understands why I'm the way I am. I have never opened up to someone like this before. We had a balance. You kept my head up in the clouds so I wasn't alwaysgrumpy about work or life and I kept your feet on the ground and tried to help you relax and almost go with the flow and not stress. I have many many demons and you always knew how to tame them. You always silenced them. I know we drifted apart but these feelings, these memories and looking at pictures of us of how we used to be and how we wish we still were and miss them is a sign. Please don't ignore the signs please. It's never too late to get the unbreakabke bond back. Not the same one but a better new bond one that will bring us closer together than we had ever imagined before. I know you're trying to find yourself and learning to love yourself the way that I do. I want that I really do. I want you to see yourself the way I see you. I wish I could go down that path wth you rooting you on and supporting you in every way I could but I understand that's not an option for you now. Or ever. But please don't give up on everything we had together. When we were together that was truly the happiest time of my entire life. Through the ups and downs it was the best part of my life. I had never ever felt so alive before. I will always always always a million times always want you back. Nothing will ever change that. No one will ever change that. I'll be here waiting for you when/if your ready. I know that may never happen. There's no way to know. We can't change the past but we can always shape the future and I know I will always wish that future has you in it. I'll always be here for you. No matter what. You know where to find me. I'm one text away. I love you so so so soooooooo fucking much. More than words can ever describe. I'll talk to you later, peaches💕💕

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theclash · 5 years

Note

I was gonna say do all of them but that’s a fucking lot so do all the evens

okay babeeeeey I’m finally getting around 2 it!

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)A RACCOON

4: What was your favorite video game growing up?Animal Crossing, Mario Kart, Sonic and Tails 2

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]just had to take a quiz for this, I got melancholic

10: Are you allergic to anything?penicillin, msg, pollen, various food dyes and random other things

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?COFFEE

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?vampire

16: How tall are you?5ft 8in

18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]116lbs

20: Do you like space or the ocean more?space

22: Pet peeves?loud chewing, tapping, background noise that’s repetitive

24: Favorite constellation?leo cuz im a leo

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls?this is such a weird question ghfjdkhgkh uhh idk!

28: Do you think global warming is real?duh

30: Favorite movie?the wall or yellow submarine

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?3 dogs, 2 cats, probably about 60 different chickens, 20 or so fish, a cricket, a spider

34: What is a color that calms you?blue

36: Where were you born?Tacoma, WA

38: Introvert or extrovert?Extrovert

40: Hugs or kisses?both but only for my gf

42: Who is someone you love deeply?gf :)

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?yea but its not like OOGOHHH TATTOOS PIERCINGS SO SEXY its more like I like them but I dont have a preference whether someone has them or not

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one!her name is Em and she’s strong and cute and soft and fun and i wanna see her Right NOW

48: A sound you really love?seagull noises

50: Can you do the splits?nope

52: Favorite movie?it already asked this ghfjkd

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now?i like it brown but like if I didnt have to have it look decent/’appropriate’ at work then silver or something would be cool idk sometimes I feel like I wanna bleach it too

56: Something that calms you down?watching soap carving asmr videos honestly LMAO. & being held by gf obv

58: What does your URL mean?i like the clash and joe & I’m a lesbian

60: Do you believe in evolution?Yup

62: What makes you follow a blog?pure clout

64: Favorite animal(s):raccoon :)

66: Favorite emoticon:🤠

68: What is your MBTI personality type?ENTP

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog?mine couldn’t

72: Post a selfie or two?I’m on computer snzzz

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?i’m sexy

76: Do you like birds?DUH

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you?I’ve never been ice skating cuz I’m too clumsy but swimming isnt very fun either idk I cant see for shit when I’m in the water

80: Some thing you wish did exist:lil wayne

82: Something you really enjoy doing:being swaggie

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr?god I have no clue I joined it within its first year of existence

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?yea my avg is/was around 7

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?no

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?raccoon but im not a furry

92: A store you hate?ummm. idk. hollister I guess fuck hollister lives (sorry paul simonon)

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?fly (2 gf)

96: Winter or summer?summer

98: Least favorite person?god

100: A store you love?local record store

102: Where do you live?house

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem?stevens universe. idk any of the blue ones are epic

106: Do you like bugs?not the ones that fly constantly (ie pine conifer bugs are my fav and they fly but like I hate flies, gnats, moths, etc)

108: Something you get paranoid about?oh boy lol

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked?i have no clue who tf keeps track

112: Ever been bitten by a spider?most ppl have?????

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?sunny

116: Favorite cloud type:sick clouds xD xD xD XD

118: Do you have freckles?no

120: Fruits or vegetables?vegetal

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier?do you love the colors of the sky

124: Bright or dim lights?dim usually cuz I often have a headache but I also cant see for shit when its dim

126: Something you hate about Tumblr:mclennon shippers

128: What do you think about the least?bro how are we supposed to just come up wth what we thinkg about the least. what I think about the least is Whatever it is that I think about the least

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now?some men.

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?not usually I’m really self conscious about my mouth in pictures I usually try to cover it honestly lol except in selfies cuz I can actually see how it looks

134: Do you like roller coasters?yes but not the ones that do loops

136: Are your ears lobed or attached?i looked up the two for a comparison so I could give an answer and apparently that whole concept is a myth

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?usually like a 7

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?nope

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?good? idk

144: What makes you angrymen. thinking in both a broad and specific sense

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?im a lesbian

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself:eyes

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.Em, Greg Hawkes, Roger Waters

152: Do you like BuzzFeed?

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?I have never platonically kissed anyone lol I’ve literally only kissed my GF

156: What embarrasses you?not much

158: Biggest lie you have ever told:once I was questioned whether I cheated on my math by using a calculator and I said no which was a lie then I got detention

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)?29,551

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?17,329

164: Do you have long or short hair?medium?

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon?mmmm dont make me get in to it

168: Do you like to wear makeup?only sometimes

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?yes

#long post #ill edit in a readmore soon #climbsbian

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angsty-v3-imagines · 6 years

Note

Hope this isn’t too bad, how about The boys walking in on an S/O trying to end their own lives.

Trigger Warning for attempted suicide if that wasn’t clear.

I tried, hopefully this works. Thank you for sending in an ask.

Under the cut because of the trigger warning

DRV3 Boys Walking in on S/O Trying to End Their Own Lives:

Korekiyo Shinguuji:

He walked into your room and saw you with the noose tied to the ceiling and you about to put your head through, standing on the bed.

He was immediately beside you, bringing you down onto the floor and holding your shoulders tightly.

He was just in shock.

He never thought you would ever do such a thing.

He sits down with you on the bed, you cling to him and dig your face into his shoulder, crying and spilling everything on everything you’ve been feeling and all the thoughts you’ve had.

He holds you tightly and whispers some words of reassurance. That he will always be there for you, and he will get you help.

But, from now on, he makes sure there’s nothing around you could use to try again.

Ryoma Hoshi:

You’re his rock.

He honestly believes he would have tried a long time ago without you.

And then he walks in on you, about to jump off of the chair into the noose.

And his stomach just drops.

Because you’re his rock.

And you’re trying to do what he would do.

You look at him and break down crying and he rushes over, taking your hands and leading you down safely.

That’s when he realizes that you need him to be your rock right now.

So he sits you down, standing in front of you and holding your hands in his.

He tells you how much he loves you, how it’s not worth it and how he doesn’t know what he’d do without you.

He kisses your hands and tells you he really has no right to ask you to keep going

But he asks you to do it anyways, because if he can find a reason to keep going in you then he just hopes you can find one in him.

Gonta Gokuhara:

At first he was confused.

Why were you standing on the bed? That’s not what you’re supposed to do on beds!

He sees the noose, but he doesn’t understand what it is.

You look at him and immediately burst out crying.

He thinks he did something wrong, so he immediately starts apologizing.

And then you cry more and start apologizing too.

After another few minutes both of you finally calm down slightly and you explain to him what you were trying to do, you tell him everything, everything that led you here

He’s confused.

He scoops you up in his arms and holds you close to him.

He tells you how amazing of a person you are and how much he loves you. After a while he starts crying and just holds you tightly.

He honestly doesn’t know what to do or how to help you

So he just settles for holding you tightly, telling you how much he loves you, and pleading with you not to leave him.

Kaito Momota:

“NO!”

He runs to you, immediately ripping the noose down and pulling you into his arms.

He picks you up and sits on the floor with you in his lap, running his hand through your hair and quietly begging for an explanation.

You start crying and cling onto his shirt, burying your face in his shoulder as you choke out an explanation.

His grip on you tightens.

He tells you how much he loves you. That he’s there for you. That he’s going to help you through this.

He promises that he’s going to take you to get help, and you agree.

He kisses your forehead as you apologize and says he doesn’t blame you.

He just wishes you had told him sooner, so he could help before it came this far.

Shuichi Saihara:

He was speechless.

The two of you just stared at each other for a few moments.

Before he rushed to you and gently helped you down from the bed safely.

He doesn’t say a single thing. He just looks at you with pure concern and fear in his eyes.

You burst into tears and hug him tightly, digging your face into his jacket as he rubs his hands through your hair gently.

He’s still in shock. Other than stopping you and preventing you from trying again, he has no idea how to handle this situation.

You explain through your sobs, and he tightens his grip on you.

He quietly tells you that he loves you, and that he’s there for you

But also that he’s going to get you help, and if you want him to go with you he will.

Because it’s better to take you to someone who knows how to help you than to just try and hope it would work.

He loves you so much, and he just wants you to want to live again.

Rantaro Amami:

It’s the first time you’ve ever seen him freak out.

He’s normally so chill but as soon as he sees you holing onto the noose he’s beside you, a panicked look on his face as he pulls you into his arms and tears begin falling down his own cheeks.

He mumbles questions, quietly demanding an explanation.

You burst out crying too, hugging him back tightly as you explain through his sweatshirt.

He holds you as tightly as physically possible without hurting you.

Muttering that he loves you more than anything.

Pleading with you not to leave him.

Telling you to never ever ever doubt how much he loves you and needs you in his life.

He swears to get you all the help you need and to be there for you every single step of the way.

From now on, he tries to be there for you as often as humanly possible, and makes sure to tell you how much he loves you every single day.

Kokichi Oma:

He walks in, ready to tell a joke.

And then sees you.

And any joke he was going to tell is long forgotten as he immediately breaks down in loud and pained sobs.

You end up being the one having to slow his crying as he clings to you and begs you, with all his poor heart, not to leave him.

He tells you all you mean to him, how no one ever truly cared for him before you, how important you are, how he doesn’t think he could go on without you.

He thinks he did something.

You do your best to reassure him that he didn’t do anything wrong.

He almost immediately takes you to get help after that. Staying beside you ever second, your hand in his.

He tells you how much he loves you and how important you are to him every single morning an every single night now. And multiple times throughout the day.

And he holds you tightly every night, just to be sure to remind himself that you are still with him and still breathing.

K1-B0:

He just blinks

in confusion.

Cause he’s heard of humans doing this before.

And he’s never understood why they would do it.

And he’s never actually seen a human try.

But he never expected that he would see you trying.

He automatically begins going through his files on humans as the two of you just stare at each other for a few minutes.

Once his hard-drive provides him with a script, he begins to recite it.

And you break out in tears because you know that’s not really him talking.

He has no clue how to handle this situation.

After another few moments he decides to ditch the script.

And he just tells you outright how much he loves you.

And he asks you not to go through with it.

He’ll get you help and be there for you, just please don’t go through wth it.

You step off the bed and run to him and he pulls you into a hug.

He’s just happy that you’re safe in his arms now and he can get you to proper help.

#korekiyo shinguuji #ryoma hoshi #gonta gokuhara #kaito momota #shuichi saihara #rantaro amami #kokichi oma #K1-B0 #thank you for asking #tw; suicide #trigger warning #danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #new danganronpa v3 #drv3 #ndrv3 #mod kokichi

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beautifulhaus · 7 years

Text

Journal - 2017/06

I made a journal post with drawings and thoughts that happened last week.

Check it out if you want :)

I was staying up late and the sun started to come up...ha but it was so beautiful so I tried to capture it. This drawing happened and I thought this could be a cool layout for a short film. No plans to make it but maybe I will take it out again one day.

Ideas and Ego

I started to watch a lot of interviews of all different kinds of artists and I found there is an interesting pattern when great artists talk about their ideas.

'It's like this spooky universe picks the day and gives it to me.'

'My ideas are beyond me, they are not for or from me'

'Just sit down and either something great happens or not'

'We reinvented the wheel by accident'

Ideas as relevant universal gifts that have nothing to do with you as a ego but are just using your body as a door to the world. Have faith in some kid knocking on that door and be kind and not judgmental to that kid. You should listen carefully what she has to say and maybe you might even want to help her with her concern. But also note that you might not get visited for a long time. You might want to put out a nice new welcome matte tho or decorate a little ha.

I like that thought because it takes away the judgment you put over yourself. There are no bad no good ideas, they just are and it's your job to help them come to live and that is it. Help them as best as you can and once you did that, don't judge them. Let them be and wait for the next kid. And if that idea is to write a song about cheeseburgers even though you have never written a song and have no clue about it at all, do it because it is not about you, it is about that song trying to make it .

haha dang so dramatic

Louise Wilson

I discovered her through a Kanye Interview and just want to collect some things I kept from her. She was probably the most influential fashion professor of our decade – unfortunately passed away in 2014

She said something like 'Sometimes when I talk about the work of my students I would ask them 'Would you show that to Tom Ford?' and they would say 'Oh no, I would have to do that and that better'...

Well then why don't you do it?? 'BE YOUR OWN TOM FORD'

I love that mindset so much and I tried it. I watched some Disney making of videos and then pretended I would work for them and did some sketches...haha. That really opened my eyes on becoming better at something. It is not about the craft itself. It is not about practicing for 231786 years in the sense of exhausting hard work. It is all about you mindset. It is about how you prepare mentally before you put that pencil down and what you allow your body to perform! If you do that you also get a feeling of ultimate self confidence because you get into a state where it's not even questioned that you couldn't do something. And if something does not come out the way you wanted you just do it again.

And again. Again.

'Our students would go to Paris Fashion Week and see how many shows they could get into. They pretended to be the make-up artist. That was actually a class project!'

Just wow I have nothing to say to that. I start tearing up reading this what is wrong with me haha

About students starting her course

'And if Professor Wilson sees herself fighting a crusade, it's not against what students don't know, but what they do. "Their previous education has rendered them incapable. When they come here, it's like rehabilitating them. Because they've been in education since they were five. That's longer than if you'd been in prison for murder. And when you left prison, you'd been given a social worker to rehabilitate you.'

I feel like that is what is happening with me now. The school system is so so so deep embedded in me because I was all about doing great and reaching expectations. I got out when I was 18 and it took me 5 years to just get an idea of how I have to set my mind in order to survive in the ways my mind and body is supposed to perform.

Great Lady, just by reading and watching her interviews I felt really connected and got a good idea of her approach on life.

Sources

Kanye Interview https://youtu.be/4Rn0hDB6Z8k?t=25m24s

Louise Wilson https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/feb/07/central-saint-martins-louise-wilson https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2014/may/19/louise-wilson-seven-insightful-fashion-quotes#img-1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Li1ty85B_vs

I noticed I keep telling myself the same things haha

People always talk about their passion and how it makes them do amazing things but what is that? Tell me about it because I dont knooow haha.

I do know that feeling of really wanting to do something and getting all these ideas for it but it would never stay for a long time and most importantly on the same thing to do... ha

Is it something we have to look for? Is it something that comes in the act of doing something? Is it something we choose? Is passion a choice? Idk I have always been all over the place with the things I enjoy and have an initial love for but it would eventually dim down and come back and down. Haven't I found the right thing yet or do I have to choose a path and commit to it even in times I don't have any love for it anymore? (Usually the next day ha) Here is something that comforts me in that regard tho.

To have faith in the unexpectedness of life.

We can predict, plan, prepare as much as we want but what is clear is that we don't have a clue of what's going to happen next and using that as a tangible fact that we can rely on brings me back to the present and to what can or has to be done now. So I end up not overthinking and just make random stuff. Like this post :>

I also had to think about my dad who used to spend the whole day in front of his monitor doing paintings in paint... Haha That's all he would do and eventually he printed the ones he liked the most and hang them in the house. What's that feeling? He enjoyed looking at images so he tried all day to make the ones that strike him the most by himself? He did what he wanted to see just for the enjoyment of looking at them? Because he didn't show his work, never talked about it. He just made them.

Fashion has always been something that I found interesting and having my own collection is a Kid that has been sitting in my brain for the longest time. While I thought about some concepts I found out about this fashion brand Comme de garcon and I felt connected to their vision in a weird way. I then got the idea to make concepts for them and send it to them. ‘Here take that and now hire me’ kinda like that haha

I feel very weird about showing it all so maybe I will after after they have ignored it for a few weeks. (Also in case I ever finish it)

Everyone can do something great, everyone has a gift. It's about finding the right mindset, the right vibe that let's your body flow and make all the amazing things it is able to make. What will keep you away from that state are 'wrong intentions'. Doing it for the money, doing it for the fame won't be a healthy engine for the long run.

Is that true tho?

Btw this is the way I tell myself things so even though it might be total bullshit, I just pretend it's true (for now).

Have faith in the unexpected. Have faith in something amazing happening at any given moment.

(All these ideas and thoughts are not my work, I kinda feel this 'body as a vessel' thing. All I am doing is pretty much watching and experiencing on what journey it is on.) I never did anything for my thoughts to come out, they just do. What that mindset leaves you with is a ultimate sense of validity in your existence and everything that is connected to it. (sadness, laughter, embarrassment, uninspiredness, excitement, 'failures' or things that just didn't go as expected/hoped.

Have faith in the unexpected. Don't force it, don't stress it.

I am feeling a very strange feeling of peace right now and I am absolutely cracking myself up inside because all I can think of now is this video where Beyonce is in awe because of everything but I totally feel it too right now aaahaha. Also why am I sounding all spiritual now what is happening?? wth. And do I think I am Beyonce or what? Am I just high on coffee or something???

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O63dea1U33g

Rereading this is the funniest thing, what was going on haha. (random older stuff)

Don't feel whatever was happening yesterday anymore ahaha but what's new.

Life is so extremely short. Everything that seems like the most important and eternal thing is only a blink of an eye, really. Soon we and everything that is our world won't mean anything anymore. There is no excuse to 'waste' time on things that don't feel important to you. Do the things you want gurrrlll

You already can do anything you want. You just have to have faith in your abilities and get rid of this sense of bad and good. Whatever you do just is, and that's it and that's good. (in the sense that good is all there is) The only thing that stands between 'everything I can do' and 'me at this given point of time' is me doing it.

So have that same sense of 'I can do everything' in all aspects of life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXsQAXx_ao0

It's not about you, it's about the art getting it's chance to exist so get over yourself and let all the babies out. And you don't judge your children, you just let them be, maybe guide them.

(Rereading this makes me cringe hard ahahahaah I still mean it but at the same time I am thinking like 'Who are you and why does everything sound so spiritual motivated and dramatic ahaha. I wrote that stuff just days ago but it feels like I found an old journal of me as a kind trying to figure things out hahaha oh man anyway...)

I looked at what I wrote and I basically repeat myself again so nevermind haha.

But today I found out about Rupaul and how amazing he is so I watched a lot of interviews again.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSchZdbdWYU

‘ We are an extension of the power that created the entire universe ‘

Again this sounds very spiritual which I am kinda uncomfortable with but it is so true at the same time. I don’t believe in free will. We can not want what we want. We just want things and we just think certain things and get certain ideas and these things are a result or part of the chainreaction of happenings after the bigbang if you will or the creation of the universe. So we are an extension of the power that created the universe. Maybe all this spiritual talk of this week really is just standing really really high on solid facts.

“In fact it was good for me to go back home because I got to recharge my battery and understand what it is I wanted to do in the first place”

Totally what happened to me in the last two weeks??? I was sick and got the chance to just recover and think which braught me to this crazy long post.

Also found out he has a podcast with over 100 Episodes so I know what I can listen to when I draw around now.

http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/rupaul-whats-the-tee-with-michelle-visage

So weird... I came across this songwriter called James Fauntleroy and he talks about how he wanted to become a comicbook artist, then he got sick which braught him to songwriting and now he is into animation.... That is literally me because I have been recording so many song sketches the past few days and really found a love for it and the drawing thing is given. I used to write songs and always wanted to make music but back then my mindset was all in this ‘this is bad, I am such a beginner, I dont know anything about this’ - mode which I am kinda over with now (not totally but we will get there) and now it’s just fun doing it.

https://youtu.be/EGY0rROcvRQ?t=11m5s

Ok so I was Beyonce, Rupaul and now this guy haha. I don’t know... so weird I really got a sense of ‘a bigger power’ this week though, which I have always heard people talk about but I never really understood or felt it the way I did this week.

Sunday is almost over now and I am thinking about this journal thing. I don’t like that it is packed with so much text, I am also not sure if it’s a good thing that I spend so much time into going back and recalling each day. Even though these texts are only days old it feels like they were written from this super old version of myself because I wrote them in a state of mind which was very specific to that moment I wrote them in. You know when you get sentimental and have all these thoughts you normally don’t have but the next day you wake up and feel totally different and just forget about it. Now I have that stuff written down and reading it 2 or 3 days later is like....This guy needs to chill. Also having to actually lock the things down that go through my mind like I am doing right now is weird because some things just don’t really matter like this stuff right here but since I am writing them down I have pay extra attention to what is going on in my brain haha maybe I should just cut in down extremely for the next time? Maybe only drawings? I don’t know, let’s see if I make another one next Sunday.

Have a good one :)))

#journal #Illustration #animation #june

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wisehowell · 7 years

Text

just a lot of questions

got tagged by @teatowelhowell to answer these 92 questions- that’s a lot, btw THE LAST 1. Drink: water 2. Phone Call: one of my best friends to rant about something 3. Text Message: hm oh on sc i was ranting about bts to another best friend 4. Song You Listened To: let’s open spotfiy... coming home by tuen/anki. oh that’s a good song. i don’t think anyone knows it exists, but 5. Time You Cried: heh like i remember i probably hit my toe against something HAVE YOU EVER 6. Dated Someone Twice: lol single life (my parents no let me anyway) 7. Been Cheated On: heh 8. Kissed Someone And Regretted It: heh 9. Lost Someone Special: my grandma :( also three best friends bc we went to different high schools and it was too hard to stay together 10. Been Depressed: uhm no i’m too confident it’s kinda insane but yea 11. Gotten Drunk and Thrown Up: yep, at age fifteen. (altho i’m like 19ish days away from sixteen) LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS 12. teal, green with a hint of blue. not aqua, which is blue with a hint of green. 13. silver (especially if it shimmers) 14. a rich blue IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU 15. Made New Friends: of course! i made about thirty, idk. but i love em all. some graduated high school tho so now i’m sad 16. Fallen Out of Love: what is love 17. Laughed Until You Cried: duhhh 18. Found Out Someone Was Talking About You: nah i’m that “smart, cute girl that’s too loud and follows every rule ever” according to my friends we got no drama 19. Met Someone Who Changed You: my four best friends 20. Found Out Who Your True Friends Are: mhm. for now. but college... 21. Kissed Someone On Your Facebook: do you mean ig or sc bc fb is dead 22. How Many of Your Facebook Friends Do You Know in Real Life: like i have fb no it’s for old people like my parents 23. Do You Have Any Pets: a hermit crab named digger! nickname- diggles 24. Do You Want To Change Your Name: well my name is annoying bc ‘phoebe’ is never in any gift shops and people (guy friends mostly) say it wrong on purpose or spell it wrong. people i’ve known for years spell my name wrong- pheobe. i’d change it to idk what something cool like olivia or kat. 25. What Did You Do For Your Last Birthday: that was a year ago jeez but i think i went to a waterpark 26. What Time Did You Wake Up: 7, altho today was a rarity usually it’s 8ish 27. What Were You Doing at Midnight Last Night: tumblr and anime and sc 28. Name Something You Cannot Wait For: taylor swift’s new album. yes i’m a swiftie. fight me. 29. When Was The Last Time You Saw Your Mother: last night i’m still in bed lol 30. What is One Thing You Wish You Could Change About Your Life: my mom having the job she wants instead of being a librarian. nothing about me tho i’m good. 31. What Are You Listening To Right Now: i paused my music for that other question but okay the same song as before 32. Have You Ever Talked To a Person Named Tom: i know a tommy? but his full name is thomas. 33. Something That Is Getting On Your Nerves: fffffa- i’m not saying 34. Most Visited Website: google 35. Elementary: idk what that is but im assuming you mean primary school? so my favourite memories of primary school was egg-rolling in the park, my first best friend, sandboxes, jumping pig game, the ditch, cleaning fruit baskets, horrible pizza,SITTING ON THE MOTHERFUCKIN BENCHES, the music trolley, the ditch, love tunnel, shirt signing, plimsolls, penguin bar jokes, bringing in an old shirt for art, lunchables, recorder lessons, the shoes from clarkes with the shitty toys in the heel, doughnut socks, the 3d shape bag,PGL/ Residential trips, stuck in the mud, turning the lights off in the toilet, biff and chip, being told we were to big for the play equipment in year 6. (I feel like that was the most british thing I’ve ever written and any americans probably have no fuckin clue what half of these things are)

OKAY BUT I’M KEEPING WHAT @teatowelhowell PUT BECAUSE as an american i have no idea what this says. like jumping pig game? lol is that like the frog jump game kids do? but pigs are frogs bc maybe there’s no frogs over there? altho i don’t think so. i know what a trolley is from british vlogs. but love tunnel? plimsolls? shoes with toys in the heels? biff and chip? huh? girl your language is confusing. as for my elementary it was pretty and i made a lot of friends but they all went to a diff high school & middle bc of boundaries so i only know like ten people from my elementary in high school. 36. High School: should i tell you? my mascot is shark 37. College/University: hm i wanna go to uc davis or uc something. 38. Hair Colour: brown with goldish highlights that are natural bc my dad used to be completely blond and i guess i got some of that 39. Long Hair or Short Hair: like medium 40. Do You Have A Crush On Someone: no bro just jensen ackles 41. What Do You Like About Yourself: i make friends with literally everyone i love it 42. Piercings: no bc i do year round soccer- for like ten years- so i never had time XD also i know why piercings are popular and how it all started with early us- natives- so idk it seems kinda uncivilized to stick a hole in a body part and put a stone in it. so when i’m done with soccer i don’t think i’ll pierce my ears bc it’s kinda weird to me 43. Blood Type: my parents don’t even know. whatever the most common one is, i’m sure 44. Nickname:(phoebe is pronounced FEEBEE) phoebs, phoebster, fo-e-be, phobe wan kenobi, anne (i give other people nicknames usally) 45. Relationship Status: go away 46. Zodiac Sign: leo. roar. 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show: Supernatural, Reign, Once Upon a Time, Sherlock, Arrow, Gravity Falls when it still lived 49. Tattoos: no 50. Right or Left Hand: right FIRST 51. Surgery: i had an extra tooth so i had to get that taken out before it grew in. but i also destroyed my elbow in kinder and had to get stitches? idk if that’s a surgery 52. Piercing: we went over my feelings on them 54. Sport: soccer! did flag football with my soccer team too for two years it was fun but all the guy teams beat us bc we weren’t really trying we were just laughing 55. Vacation: uhm my parents take me a lot of places so idr. uhmmm maybe yellowstone? 56. Pair of Trainers: trainers? uhm are those pants? a bra? oh lol i looked it up. they’re tennis shoes. my first pair were probably just nike. 57. Eating: wtf ? is this like the first time i remember eating? << wisehowell agrees with her. 58. Drinking: i’m not old enough to drink legally so 59. I’m About To: eat breakfast? 60. Listening To: uhm whattt i just said i paused the dang song so same oneee but here i’ll rec you a few artists: BANNERS, LIGHTS, and clairity. (those two are supposed to be caps) 61. Waiting For: school to kill me 62. Want: nothing just my friends 63. Get Married: sure 64. Career: that’s confusing YOUR TYPE 65. Hugs or Kisses: hugs 66. Lips or Eyes: eyes altho i have brown eyes and everyone hates brown eyes so idk man. but i’ve never been complimented on my eyes in my life so i feel rude if i say eyes bc as a lame eyed i know how cruel it is to judge by eye color 67. Shorter or Taller: i’m 5ft flat so everyone is taller than me 68. Older or Younger: idc 70. Nice Arms or Nice Stomach: no 71. Sensitive or Loud: idc 72. Hook Up or Relationship: relationship 73. Troublemaker or Hesitant: neither bro 74. Kissed a Stranger: no 75. Drank Hard Liquor: no I’M FIFTEEN usa has strict drinking laws okay like yea my uh fun friends get high and drunk but i’m a valedictorian i gotta keep my rep 76. Lost Glasses/Contact Lenses: i have glasses but i would never lose em 77. Turned Someone Down: when someone turns up i’ll let you know how it goes << I’M LAUGHING 78. Sex on First Date: again do i need to say my age 79. Broken Someone’s Heart: some guys had crushes on me and my friends told me that they told them like a year later so i guess i did 80. Had Your Heart Broken: no 81. Been Arrested: no, i luv rules 82. Cried When Someone Died: wth 83. Fallen For a Friend: nah my guy friends are too stupid to love DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 84. Yourself: yea 85. Miracles: no god isn’t real 86. Love at First Sight: uh we’ll see 87. Santa Claus: nooo not since i was four 88. Kiss on First Date: why not 89. Angels: no if god isn’t real why are his slaves (i’m kidding, i totally respect the religious community) OTHER… 90. Current Best Friend’s Name: i’ll give the first letters of the four. a, a, c, c. (i’m not kidding for whatever reason most of my close friends have a or c names like i had two old best friends with both a. and another with c) here i’ll tag one. @galaxy-searcher 91. Eye Colour: brown (boooooo) 92. Favourite Movie: idk i don’t pick favs but song of the sea is cute

uhm. i don’t want to tag people bc it’s 92 questions. do it if you want XD

#about me #personal #other #tdl?#idk maybe i'll bury it

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astoldbymrsbear · 5 years

Text

#bearyasus

29th March 2019.

You haven’t been home for a few days now. Yes, I yang halau. Yes, I was mad pissed with you. Why do you have to lie to me? Who am I to you?

Each time I ask myself, my heart breaks. Each time I ask myself, I cry.

Do I matter to you even?

I have high doubts in that, cause you were not there when I needed you the most. You drive me to my grave. You choose to prioritise your “friends” & “brothers”. I know what it brings you.Fast & Easy Money which comes with short term joy. Trust me in this. We’ve been through it before, remember? The good times ended so quickly.

What I was trying to tell you is that something good doesn’t come easy, My Love.

Jannah is not cheap.

I love you that much, b. I love you that much. I want the best in everything for you. Duniawi wa Ukhrawi, sayang.

;(

Yet time and again, I wasn’t made your number one priority. Time and again you lied to me for their sake. The people who are not in your list of responsibilities.

What do I mean to you? Where do I stand in your life, b? Can you enlighten me?

I want my husband back. I want my kids to have their father again. Someone they can run to and manja with and hug.

I went to the clinic to bring Auliya for her Sunat and Tindik alone, b. Where were you? Busy carik duit? You can’t even make time for your one & only daughter? I handled the three of them single-handedly. Do you know that Aiman went up to hug a pakcik who had a bout the same built as you at the clinic? My poor babyson mistook him for you. The lost look in his eyes when he was trying to make it out if it was you or not. That betrayed look in his eyes when that pakcik was not you. When that pakcik did not carry him. When that pakcik whom he thought was you just giggled and walked away as I pulled him away. My poor babyson. ;(

Aden. He had to do more than he should at 8-going-on-to-9 years old. Keep an eye on Aiman all the time while I carry Auliya. My boyson. My poor boyson. Taking on the responsibilities without a choice. He have yet to master caring for himself independently yet already given the role to care for his baby brother.

Absent Father was the right description for you then.

We prolly made our decision in haste huh? To get married. To have kids together.

There were numerous telltale signs for me back then. But I was clouded by what I thought as “LOVE”.

I should have left the minute you doubted me. But no. I chose to stay. To prove you that I was nothing like what you think. To prove to you that nothing about you or your shortcomings could drive me away. I chose to stay for your companionship. To give you the love you lost. To be with you through any sort of hardships. To help you in all sense. To be the soulmate that you yearned for. This relationship started of with the basis of proving you wrong. Probably it has proven me wrong now. When you didn’t give me the chance to prove to you from the very beginning, I still chose to stay.

If i ever give up on you now or anytime soon or in the future, understand how painful it was for me as well. You were the love I loved wholeheartedly. Sincerely I gave you my heart. yet you crushed it effortlessly. The endless multiple chances given, always having your back when you did wrong or lacked, when even your family doubted you so much, I truly accepted you for who you were. Understand that it took everything I had left inside of me to leave you alone and helpless. Thank you for the good times. The memories. Our kids, your offsprings. They are my world now. MashaAllah.

What went wrong? Whose to blame? - Only Allah knows.

You find comfort in “brotherhood” and such. It gives you a sense of belonging. Despite the facade of close knit relationships, you did not grow up discussing feelings. You are close on the surface only. You were conditioned to believe sweeping things under the rug/pretending there are no problems, is the way to go/will make the problems go away. You believe in keeping things from people in order to avoid confrontations and to keep the peace.

So whose fault is it?

As for me, I have always loved quiet times and deep conversations. I love communicating, discussing feelings, ideals, ambitions, fears, worries etc. You do know that, don’t you? I come from a broken home. Love was tough on us. Beatings was a norm. my parent’s absence was all we had. But that’s not what i dream for with this family of choice with you. I loved to let my feelings out. Talk, discuss, text, scream, shout, write, sing. be truthful to you about my feelings cause I too hate insecurity. I would love to have nothing gets swept under the rug. I believe in speaking the truth even when it is hard and it hurts. Cause when the truth from your lie surface up later, it is more painful. The feelings of betrayal. Losing trust. Why do we have to lead our marriage based on lies, right?

May Allah only make you realise. Realise my worth before it’s too late.

Who was there for you, Yang? Who was loyal to you and your family to no end? Did you ever have to do for my family what I did for your family? I don't have to type here what I'm talking about. You know what I mean. Who remained loyal to you? Me. Why? Conditioning. I may have come from a broken home but I believe in loyalty and I live for it everyday.

Even after the multiple times you betrayed my trust, I try no matter how hard to build back the trust for you. When you and Fitri got involved with drugs and “brotherhood” behind my back, I try to be the supportive wife. Help you get out of it in any way I could. Using Islam as a basis. This was supposed to be your duty, guiding me and the kids. Yet I shouldered the responsibility myself. Doesn’t matter you blamed me that the house felt like kubur then. When in actuality, I was still weak and only recovering from the very bad morning sickness from being pregnant with our one and only daughter. Why? Because I wanted you to be happy. It really didn’t matter whether or not I was happy. Your’s came as a priority for me. Can you for once do the same for me? I fought with my family for you. I believed in you when they put you down. I rebutted and told my uncle that you will change and that you are not like them. Yet again you proven them right and me wrong. What do I get in return? Betrayals after betrayals. Lies after lies. Why, Yang? Why? Who am I to you? Where do I stand in your life?

I still smiled for you even though I did not and still do not, come first. It was still my pure and sincere love for you that pushed me through.

You often point out to me that I'm a very angry person. I have issues. Do you know how wth that makes me feel? It is as though you have no clue, what are the accumulating factors leading to my being angry. Why were you not the man, my husband, the one to guide me?

You do realize that I am also a loving and understanding person, right? Yet you lie to me about everything and anything under the sun. For whom? For those who were not there during your hard times. For those who brought you short term happiness. How do you reconcile being angry ALL THE TIME and being very loving, understanding and affectionate too? So I wish to clarify, I am not an angry person. I have things I'm angry about yes, but that doesn't mean anger is synonymous with my name. It is the Effects of the hurt and pain which you Caused, that is why the anger's directed at you. I am fully aware that when I'm angry, I'm truly horrible. I say a lot of things that hurts you. I hate being angry. It takes a lot of energy to get angry. Which is why I don't understand why you keep doing things to trigger that anger, knowing full well the effects/consequences that come with. We’ve had our talks heart to heart occasionally. When I let out what’s bottled up in me. Yet time and again, you fail to understand me. Feel me. Give me what I need.

At this point in our lives though, we should want to be happy together. Do similar things, share similar goals, have ambitions and plans with regards to where this family is headed. For this world and Aakhirah. - But are you with me? Have you been with me all these times? Not just physically 'showing support' but to want these things for yourself too.

You will say yes. But who's the one still sneaking in time to just go with the same old friends without his wife knowing? When she's hard at work hustling to be able to put food on the table and get things paid for and she thinks he's at work but he isn't. He feels it's important to be with his friends more than being there for her as she struggles to make life better in every aspect for herself and her family.

Where were you when I was struggling to find Allah SWT? Shouldn't you be the one leading me, catching my fall? But no, I had to find my own way and when I found my peace, you conveniently decided to follow my lead. Do you understand what this says about you as a person? As a man?

Where were you when the kids were not well, throwing out and having diarrhea? Who helped me clear up the mess? Not you, for sure. Two kids down with sickness and I had to still breastfeed our beloved daughter. And I myself caught the bug later on. Did you even bother to ask if I had taken my medicine? How was I coping at home? I know you know that I could manage it somehow. But a simple message asking me those questions would make me feel like I mattered. Maybe also include your whereabouts and probably let me know when you would be home. Updates about you. Because you matter to me that’s why I want to know. Yet at the same time, I respect you as an adult.

You do have your good points.You help out with housework. You cook for me sometimes. you are quite hands on with the kids. But here's the thing.

- Every time you help me with the housework, that is pahala for you. Allah swt is using me as a means to create an avenue for you to collect for your tabung akhirat. The housework that you do, are all stuff that you have to do anyways, even without a wife. It's just laundry, dishes, occasional washing of toilet. I still have to do all that as well. It's not entirely on you. You are to compare yourself to those who do more, not those who do less or nothing. If you think you do alot, imagine my load. - When you are hands on with your kids, you are making memories with them, that's what they will remember you for. I shouldn't have to tell you what or how to do it. You should take pride in teaching your son how to ride a bike, how to ngaji, how to love Maths. It should be what you want to do, with pride and zest. Not because I am making you do all these or directing you to.

At this point in our lives, it should affect you if I am doing better. In every sense. My blood, sweat and tears. With or without you having a job, I never held my money back from you. It would have amounted to more than $10, 000 Ibelieve. All I ever did and am still doing, is give and share. Give and Share. That's me. I am not selfish and I have NEVER been. I don’t believe in being selfish at all. Cause I know how it feels to have none. At this juncture, you should not have ANY excuses for being unable to do the part Allah SWT instructed you to do, as a man. I know how you are always financially unstable, that why I step in. And I don’t mind it at all. Cause like me, you were send to me by Allah as an avenue for me to collect for my tabung akhirat.

You are enabled to believe you're without flaws. Not me. I want to keep doing more and giving more, because Allah SWT keeps giving me avenues to do more. That's why I keep pushing limits and I give my best each and every time. Why do I not inspire you though? Why?

One simple fact remains tho, I had to step up cos you never did.

Amanah is such a big deal to me and it should be as such to every Muslim, even you. Especially you actually, cause you're a man. When I bring this up, you tell me that you can't tell me what to do cos I can't listen. Why is that so? Ever thought if it was how you are as a leader?

As a wife,I wanted so much to be loved, protected, defended and respected. I have to ask for a hug that does not lead to us making out. I have to ask for cakes. I have to ask for communication. I have to ask. I have to tell. I have to. All on me.

Do you know that it’s the little things that make my heart full. I am that simple.Then I think about my needs. Why are my needs not met? Does wanting my needs met make me selfish? Are my demands so crazy that it can't be done. Up till now, do you know what I LOVE?

- Buttercream Cakes & Chocolate Cakes or any kind of desserts.

- Love letters and Cards fresh roses sometimes?

- My favourite Almond Chocolate by Cadbury

- My favourite cookies n cream ice cream

- Random acknowledgements and affirmations on social media and in private

- How Are Yous, I Love Yous and I Miss Yous

- Sending me songs that remind you of me/your love for me

Stuff like that. Not financial security. Not luxurious items. Not thoughtless gifts and gestures just because you're forced to. I am not an afterthought. I should be a priority.

Why do you have to make loving me, be like this difficult task you have yet to master/accomplish. Despite everything I tirelessly give out, unconditionally, am I not worth the efforts mentioned above? After all these years of sticking by you.

That's what hurts. If I have to ask and demand all that, then I don't want to anymore. You should wanna do all the above for me if you love me like you say you do. How can you say you love me when there's no fight in you to make me stay? Up till now, I am the only one crying still. You? Not a single tear shed, probably. And the question “What do I mean to you?” comes about again.

That accentuated your inconsistencies and lack of accountability/responsibility. Just letting me be the one doing so much more on top of having my own job to handle. It's like you had no empathy for me. Kesiankan I je buat apa? Tolong I, b. I know you are trying to find a job and earn money to help me with the financial aspect. But I got that covered. I wasn’t really worried about that much. But what help I need is physicality with the kids and the house. Then maybe the little time you have in the day when the kids are in school and I am at work, you can go kayuh and earn as much as you can to clear the bills. But of course, do it righteously. Don’t just use it as a means for you to go meet you friends and do otherwise. That’s lying to me.

You allow your family and outsiders to see me in such a negative light. It makes me wonder, is that what you truly think and feel of me? When do you step up and defend my integrity as your wife? I feel alone fighting all sorts of battles. Where are you, b? Where were you?

Yang, I would really like to know every single thing about you without having you to lie or keep anything from me. I just want a righteous husband who does the right things disisi undang undang agama & negeri at the same time. Only because it is all for the good of you and the kids and our family. Duniawi wa Ukhrawi, b.

Till then,

May Allah open up your mind and heart for you to see my worth. Before its all too late. May Allah make it easy for you too, b. May Allah help you out of any troubles you are having at present. May Allah protect you at all times. May Allah bring you back to the right path and only take you when you are ready. ;’(

P.S.:No offence, but I don’t think those ‘brothers’ of yours would want to help you bring the urinal when you need one. I don’t think they would want to change your diapers if you need to use one. I on the other hand would do it for you in a heartbeat. Not needing any time to think even.

I love you with all of my heart. Sincerely. Purely.

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