#although the witches was fucking terrifying as a child

[goryhorroor]

horror sub-genres • children’s horror

children's horror is a genre defined by its style, humor, and themes of acceptance. it is a genre defined by a mark of maturity in its audience.

#although the witches was fucking terrifying as a child #horror sub-genres #horror #horror movies #children's horror #the haunted mansion #monster house #the nightmare before christmas #hotel transylvania #hocus pocus #the witches #addams family #paranorman #halloweentown #casper #filmedit #horroredit #moviesedit #cinema

[eviebane]

you guys loved my part 1 and 2 of Badly Explained Good Omens so i'm just going to keep doing it. fight me. (disclaimer: this series will be written when i'm either sleep deprived, caffeine overloaded, or drunk. feel free to speculate which one it is this time)

right so Season 1 of Good Omens is basically, these two man-shaped creatures who definitely don't want to lick each other's faces get together in a park full of spies & snitches so they can talk without raising suspicion (foolproof plan, obviously). it's basically a romeo and juliet thing, except romeo is an angelic bookseller hoarder and juilet is a snake demon who will make u re-evaluate your sexual orientation. and possibly give you gender envy. your average stuff, right.

so gender envy boy (Crowley) goes, hey, my lot made me uber the devil's son to an american diplomat the other night, and the angel (Aziraphale) goes, if you're going to destroy the world via evil baby style, can you lot at least not make it into some cheesy american movie. at least make it something actually cool. anyway so they're chatting about the end of the world, as you do, and Crowley goes y'know, Hell is gonna fuck the whole world up and Azi goes Nah, we beat your dumbarses before, we will again, and Crowley goes ANYWAY if everyone gets slaughtered, guess what? no more food, no more music. your life is gonna be boring af

so they go on a little date and Crowley keeps winding him up about how boring shit's gonna be when all the humans have been murdered in the ethereal/occult purge, and Aziraphale finally goes Yeah OK, but you realise I can't do shit about it right? like it's God's will and Crowley goes Nah nah nah, look. Look. Right. so I gotta look after this devil child for a few years and use my sexy nanny vibes to make sure he's evil. why don't YOU also infiltrate this devil child's household and teach him not to kill snails? it'll be like cosmic balance. yin/yang. the kid will be a normal little shit like most preteen boys, rather than starting apocalypses little shit.

Aziraphale is so captivated by his slutty charm and sparkling eyes that he agrees.

so they stalk the kid, dress up like old welsh gardeners and dominatrix nanny to teach him to love slugs and crush his foes under his boot. surprisingly, the kid is relatively normal. although he hates dinosaurs, so that's obviously concerning. Crowley suggests cold blooded murder of the child but Aziraphale's like Nah why don't i cosplay Fell the Marvellous again at his birthday party and Crowley goes why the fuck do I love this loser

anyway so as it turns out, the nuns that Crowley uber'd this baby to 11 years ago ended up with the wrong parents. The best friends husbands roadtrip to go fuck up the nuns, but actually Crowley's maggot colleague (no thats not an insult) burned the nunnery down and it's now a paintball arena, where currently a bunch of repressed office workers are shooting each other. there's a noteworthy bit where the husbands get hit with a paintball, Crowley becomes a naga (except reverse the top and bottom bits. Yeah it's terrifying) just to make a dude shit himself, then Aziraphale puppy dog eyes Crowley to get the stain off his coat because it ruins his vibes and that's not kool.

Crowley tries to make out with Aziraphale against the wall but then forgets the kissing part, then he bippity-boppity-boos a surviving ex-nun so they can interrogate her. the whole trip is pretty useless and it ends up becoming just them two flirt-fighting for a day. Oh also Crowley runs over a witch, but it's fine because she's an American

As it turns out, the witch left a book behind in Crowley's car and Aziraphale yoinks it like the book kleptomaniac he is, then binges it like your new favourite 150k fanfic

Crowley literally climbs the walls in boredom (unfortunately got cut, but still happened in my mind). They eventually meet up in Secret Rendezvous Spot #3 where they have a lover's quarrel and Crowley slut walks off

Next thing ya know, there's a witchfinder (yea don't worry too much about him) at Aziraphale's door and he tries to exorcise him via a prophecy book, a cute little retro desk bell and a fuckin lighter. Anyway.

So Aziraphale was trying to talk to God before the nutbag showed up via a magic angel circle that does a little star trek hologram. He ends up talking to God's secretary (not the fun kind) and he's like, Yeah no God's having PTO rn. Also you're being drafted into war 'cause shit's about to go down and Aziraphale's like Ahhh ok cool neat. let me just like, do a bit of tidying up first, oh and I have to pick up the dry cleaning, um then I need to make dinner, so anyway i'll be there soon. totally. yup. so excited to go fight hot sexy with pretty yellow eyes- bad, evil demons.

Aziraphale accidently cha cha slides into the circle and his body crumbles (same) and he pops into Heaven without a body. He gets yelled at by Anderson for not having a body or that sword he gave the humans 6000 years ago, and honestly I can't help but think it's Heaven's fault for not stock taking enough

Aziraphale's like Haha yeah Anderson I'm not fighting no war, I have a hot sexy yellow-eyed pretty beautiful smart funny demon to ki- uuuh, I mean, I'm a pacifist now, BYE and he yeets himself back to the mortal plane via a floaty picture of Earth

He finds Crowley going on a bender and doodling A+C=<3 on the pub table. Aziraphale's like Right Crowley get your shit together, we got an Apocalypse to stop in Tadfield

Crowley ends up getting trapped in London via a giant doom circle of fire that he designed, but he's like Ah nah fuck it, my Bentley can take it and it DOES. I mean it does explode, but only after it gets him to Tadfield. What a stellar car. 10/10

The husbands try to murder the child with a fireworks gun, that fails, then they watch the child encourage his friends to insult three cosmic beings to death. Yah it actually works, too.

The child then insults Lucifer into the void, and that's it, ba ba boom, apocalypse averted. The husbands do what they do best; get crunk.

Heaven & Hell kidnap the husbands and tries to give them their Worst Employee of the Century rewards, but the husbands survive it via clever trickery and Being A Little Shit, and they ride off into the sunset and confess their love at the Ritz via affectionate insults

the end

season 2

#good omens #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #goodomens #gomens #badly explained good omens #crack #for the record i have written an entire (yes all 4 books) summary of the hunger games if anyone wants it. its as appalling as this is

[absurdthirst]

Immortally Human {Max Phillips x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 10.3k

Warnings: Vampirism, suggestive banter, oral sex (male and female receiving), vaginal sex, mentions of child planning, hypnotizing, sacrifice, witch's protective spells, violence, throat ripping, staking, gore

Comments: When Max falls in love you, a human, he must get permission from his sire to tell you about his true nature. When he tells you, he must turn you or kill you and you don't want to be a vampire. Leaving Max to protect you at the cost of his own immortality.

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

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|| MasterList || Max Phillips Masterlist ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

“Babe! Are you ready?” Max calls over his shoulder from his spot on your sofa. He knows you are running behind, but the reservations are hard to reschedule and he pulled a few favors to make sure he got a table tonight. He has a very important question to ask you. “I’m coming, almost done!” You yell back breathlessly, making him grin as he checks his watch. If you had told him six months ago that Max Phillips would be in a committed, monogamous relationship, he would have called you an idiot. Laughed in your face right before he went about doing whatever he wanted. But that was before he had invited you out for a drink and fallen head over heels. Most who know him would call him egotistical. A frat-boy douche has been thrown his way several times when he’s smoozed his way into a promotion or stolen an important client. Business was what mattered and he was good at it. Leaving his private life a series of hook ups and perpetual bachelorhood until you had flipped his world upside down. 

Max was faithful. He was trying to be kind and thoughtful. Loving. Bringing you lunch or taking you out to dinner. Even sitting through movies he had zero interest in. Not because he was looking forward to getting laid after - although the sex is mindblowing - but because it makes you happy. Even though you don’t live together, he’s positively domesticated and is ready to take the next step with you.

When you come out into the living room, Max whistles. “Daaaaaaamn baby. Look at you. Looking fucking delicious.” He stands up and reaches for you, pulling you up against him to inhale your scent. He hears your blood pulsing beneath your skin and his mouth waters but he pushes that aside. Your relationship is perfect…except for one thing: you don’t know he’s a vampire. He hasn’t had the guts to tell you. Scared that you’ll reject him or be terrified of him and he only wants to see love in your eyes, not fear. He will tell you. He has to tell you. Max murmurs your name and you slap his chest playfully when he asks if you have to go to dinner. 

“Yes. It took forever getting ready and we need to eat. You can devour me later.” You say and Max waggles his eyebrows, “is that a promise?” You snort and slap his chest again but he catches your hand, placing a gentle kiss on the back of it. “Come on baby, let’s go eat.” He says and lets go of you so you can get your purse.

Hustling you out to his car, Max races around it and slides behind the wheel. “Hang on, baby.” He tells you with a smirk. “Gotta rush to get there.” He prefers to drive fast, in complete control of his reflexes, but you always seem to worry when he’s zooming through the streets. “We don’t want to miss our reservation.”

You grip the handle on the door and squeeze as Max rounds a corner too fast. “We aren’t indestructible. I don’t care if we are late, I just want us to make it.” You wince as the tires squeal as he accelerates and Max snorts, wanting to tell you he’s indestructible apart from wooden stakes to the heart. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart. You’ll be fine.” He promises and reaches for your hand that isn’t gripping the handle.

You snort in disbelief beside him and Max takes his foot off the gas for a split second, allowing the speed to go down by a few miles per hour. He still can’t tell you why he’s so confident, but soon he will. “I know you’ve been looking at the menu. Tell me what you want to order, baby.” He knows talking will keep your mind off his driving.

You snort again, amused that he knows you look up the menu beforehand and already know what you will order. You squeeze his hand, "I was thinking about getting the duck. It's not something you see on a lot of menus. I want something different. Then they have this Death by Chocolate cake that is to die for, according to the reviews." You say, and Max smirks slightly at your choice of dessert.

“Then that’s what my girl will have.” He hums as he turns a corner sharply and wheels protest again. He’s only a mile from the restaurant and the reservation is in five minutes. It means he will pull up to the valet in time to escort you inside and be seated. “And we have to have a bottle of good wine to go with it.” 

“I’m gonna need a drink after your driving, Phillips.” You chuckle breathlessly as he screeches to a stop at the valet booth. “Thank God we made it in one piece.” You exhale shakily as the valet opens the door for you. Max is there in a blink of an eye to take your hand and you are always so amazed at how quickly he moves and you take his hand to let him guide you into the restaurant.

Max winks at the valet and slips him a fifty. “Take care of it.” He asks as he guides towards the door. “Was there any doubt that I would take care of you, baby?” He sends you a pout and a grin that somehow doesn’t look ridiculous on him when combined. Leaping forward so he can open the door for you to enter the building and biting his lip as your ass shakes in front of him. At the host stand, he gives his name. “Phillips, party of two for seven o’clock.”  

His commanding presence has always turned you on and to see him like this has you eager for him already. You are escorted to your table where Max holds the chair out for you and you sit down. “This place is gorgeous. You didn’t have to spurge like this, baby.” You say with a slight tut, knowing Max likes to spoil you but you never ask for it.

“Of course I did.” He winks at you and sends you a small air kiss. It might look smarmy to some, but he adores you. “Tonight is special. And there’s nothing like spoiling my girl.”

You wonder if you've forgotten an anniversary or something but you've been with Max for just over a year now and every day he seems to spoil you despite your requests that he saves money - you are happy to sit down at home with take out and watch a movie. You reach for his hand after he sits down, "you're too good to me. I'll have to make it up to you." You smirk, stretching your leg to nudge his ankle.

“Hmmmm, I know you will.” His own smirk is knowing, loving how uninhibited you are and how you just want him. Not anything else. You are addicted to him and he doesn’t have to do anything more than what he does now. The waiter comes up and Max looks over at you. “What kind of wine do you want, baby?”

“Mmm I think red.” You say, having decided on the duck before even sitting at the table. Max takes the wine list and scans it, selecting a Cabernet and you squeeze his hand. “Excellent choice sir.” The waitress says and says he will be back to take your order. “What are you going to order?” You ask him, “do you want to get an appetizer? I think I just want to have the entree.”

“No, no appetizer.” Max decides, sending you a suggestive smirk. “I want to save room for dessert.” Waggling his brows suggestively, he knows he will have your thighs spread wide and his tongue buried in your cunt tonight. “I’m going to just have a steak, rare.” He decides, barely even looking at the menu, too busy staring at your beautiful face. 

You fluster at the way he stares at you. Still unnerved by the way he looks at you like you’re the only person in the world for him. “That’s what you always get. And you never eat it. I swear…you always make me take it home for lunch.” You shake your head, concerned about him paying for a steak and never eating it. Before Max can explain, the waiter comes back with the bottle of red and opens it, allowing Max to taste before pouring your glass. He takes your orders and leaves you and Max to enjoy your drink.

“To us.” Max offers, holding up his glass as a toast. “To our future together and tonight is the beginning of happily ever after.” He offers, giving you a sincere smile as he waits for you to react to that. 

Your heart flutters at his words and you clink your glass against his. "To us." You practically sigh with contentment. Part of you wonders if Max is going to propose tonight and that makes your stomach twist with happy anticipation.

Taking a small sip of the wine, he makes a noise of appreciation and sets it down. Much preferring to watch you until he can capture your hand again. “I love you, baby.” He starts softly. “I’ve never felt this way, about anyone, but you - you’ve completely changed me. I can’t imagine my life without you.” 

"Max." You gasp softly at his speech. He's a very physical lover, cocky with his words but never emotional. This is rare for him to say and you are shocked but happy. He loves you and you are so in love with him, all of him. You look down at your joined hands, "Max. I- I love you too. More than you could possibly imagine."

“I want to ask you something serious.” His brow furrows slightly and he squeezes your hand. “I want you to go away with me, meet my family.” He’s never mentioned you meeting anyone in his family and while it’s not exactly a proposal, this is serious for him. “Would you come with me to Romania?”

You’re surprised again. A little disappointed if you’re honest. You thought he was gonna propose. You soon gather yourself, replacing your slight frown with a smile as you tilt your head. “Your family? I- I thought you said your parents are dead.” You frown again and Max nods, “yes, but I have an uncle. I want you to meet him. See where I’m from.” You bite your lip and think for a second, seeing the desire in his eyes and how can you resist? You nod, squeezing his hand. “Of course I will. I’d love to meet your uncle and see your homeland.”

He can tell that you are disappointed that he didn’t pull out a ring and propose to you. Knowing that you are unaware that he has to get permission from his uncle - his sire -  to marry you, and to tell you that he’s a vampire. “I love you baby. I promise that you won’t regret it.” He leans in and presses his lips to yours. “He’s going to love you.” 

**** 

It’s cold when you land in Romania and you are escorted to the black car waiting for you outside of the airport. “How the hell did you deal with the cold when you live in L.A?” You ask Max when the car is moving along to your hotel. You’re nervous to meet Max’s uncle. You haven’t heard much about him other than Max wouldn’t be who he is today without his uncle.

“Jackets.” He jokes with a grin, although he really isn’t affected by the cold like you are. It’s one of the perks of being a vampire. “You need me to keep you warm, baby?” He asks, scooting closer to you and wrapping his arm around your shoulder. “I can warm you up just as soon as we get to the hotel if you want.” 

You giggle, turning your head to kiss his jaw. “I wouldn’t mind that. After all, this is our first vacation together. We might as well make the most of it.” You smirk and nudge your nose against his jaw. You and Max don’t live together. It’s been over a year of dating but you’ve never pushed it, knowing he might just want to do things traditionally and get engaged first. “When are we meeting your uncle?”

“Tomorrow.” Max knew that jet lag would affect you, so he had told Serge that he would bring you by tomorrow afternoon. He didn’t want you to be tired or less than your best when you meet the man who had turned him into a vampire when he was here in college. “That way you can get a good night’s sleep.” 

You snort, “a good night’s sleep with you around? I doubt it, Phillips.” You nudge him and he squeezes your arm, “I want you to like each other so maybe best if you don’t look like you got your brains fucked out all night long, huh sweet cheeks?” He hums and you smirk, “you say that now but wait until you see what I brought with me to sleep in:”

Max groans, rolling his eyes at the thought of you in lingerie. You love wearing things that make him feral to touch you, although he’s never shown you how feral he could be. Carefully keeping that side of him contained, so he doesn’t hurt or scare you. “So you want me to fuck you all night, got it.” He smirks. “Besides, it’s gonna be on the floor in shreds within minutes of you showing me.”

“That’s why I brought more than one.” You smirk and kiss his jaw, making him growl softly under his breath. 

****

“Max. This isn’t a hotel, it’s a goddamn castle.” You gasp as you enter the impressive abode, the drapery and stone imposing but warm as you step into the foyer followed by Max.

“Did I forget to mention that?” Max squints as he looks at you questioningly. Of course he wasn’t going to admit that it was a castle, he wanted to see your face as you experienced it for the first time and you didn’t disappoint him. “Sorry if it’s not romantic enough.” He pouts.

"Are you kidding me?" You chuckle humorlessly, walking over to him to wrap your arms around his neck, dragging him down to press your lips against his. Your fingers running through his hair. "I love you Max. This is - it's incredible. Where on earth did you find this place?"

“It’s actually…” Max sends you an apologetic look, “not a hotel. This is my uncle’s house.” He explains. “But don’t worry.” He assures you. “I told the housekeeper we were going to keep to our room tonight. They will send up dinner and we can just crash…or…whatever.” He hums, waggling his brows again.

You are a little taken back that this is his uncle's place but you don't argue it, knowing that this place is incredible and Max likely didn't want to make you more nervous. "Uh, sure. That works babe." You nod, sliding your hands down his back. "Of course there's a housekeeper." You giggle, looking around the foyer in awe. His uncle must be important to have a home like this. "I think I'd like to try the 'whatever'." You tease, sliding your hands lower to squeeze his ass through his jeans.

“Yeah?” He leans in, growling playfully and he scrapes his teeth over your pulse. Never allowing himself to let his fangs descend, he tortures himself with the alluring scent of your blood. “Come on, baby,” he groans. “Let me show you where we’ll be staying.” His sire has already had his old rooms prepared and he knows that he won’t intrude on the two of you.

You let him guide you through the impressive hallways, walls lined with portraits, and you gasp when Max opens  the large double doors. "Max. Wow. This is - wow." You look around at the large four-poster bed, the heavy velvet drapes. It looks like a vampire's lair and the thought makes you giggle. "What's so funny?" Max snorts after setting down your bags and you spin to face him. "Nothing. Just can't believe this is real. You are - I am so lucky to have you." You turn sappy, wanting him to know how much you appreciate him.

You slide your fingers through his hair, tilting your head to deepen the kiss and he slides his tongue into your mouth. You know you need to shower after the long plane ride so you pull back before it can get too hot and heavy. "I want to shower baby. Can you lift my case onto the table? I gotta find my toiletries."

“Of course, sweet cheeks.” He pulls back and gives you a little wink before rushing over to the bags. You don’t know about his vampiric strength, so it’s always fun to show off how strong he is. Lifting the heavy case easily and setting it on the table. “While you search for your toiletry bag, you want me to call down to the kitchen for anything? Something to drink? A snack?” Having a human lover means taking care of your needs, far more demanding than his own.

"Some water would be nice. A snack too. I don't know what your uncle likes or has. You know what I like so just pick something, okay?" You kiss his cheek, "thanks baby." You say as you rifle through your things for your toiletry bag and the bag containing your nightwear. You shower, glad to wash the hours of traveling from your skin, and after you dry off, you put the lacy little number you bought with Max's reaction in mind. You open the bathroom door and find Max sitting on the edge of the bed.

Checking his emails, Max looks up and freezes at the sight of you in the doorway. The lacy lingerie has his cock immediately hardening and he flips the phone out of his hand behind him, letting it land carelessly on the bed as he stands up. “Fuck, baby.” He growls. “You look good enough to eat.” He chuckles. “Fuck a snack, I want the whole damn meal.

You giggle at his hungry gaze and his hands find your hips, squeezing them, and you gasp at the strength in his grip. "Damn Max, you're gonna leave bruises." You warn him playfully and he has a guilty look in his eyes that you haven't seen before. "Hey. It's okay. I liked it." You promise, cupping his cheeks.

“Sorry baby.” He’s a little out of sorts, being here. The scent of vampires is concentrated, seeped into the stones and you don't even know. He’s feeling more possessive of you, and his more animalistic side is simmering just under the surface. “I’ll make it up to you.” He promises, guiding you back towards the bed. “By eating your pussy until you scream.”

"Now that's more like it, Phillips." You let him lay you down on the bed and you look up at him as he shrugs off his button-down and exposes his chest. He's not chiseled but he's built, a strength simmering beneath the skin that takes your breath away. He slides his hands along your legs, making you stare at him, chest heaving as arousal dampens your panties. "I love you." You sigh when he kisses your knee.

“I love you too.” He’s certain that he does and he wants to prove it to you. He wants to remind you of how good it is between you before you meet his sire. Starting to shift to his stomach, he kisses down your thigh, inhaling the scent of your wet pussy and the sweet blood in your veins with a loud, pleased groan.

You whimper when his mouth presses against your panties, mouthing at your clit through the lace, and it's enough to make a moan escape your lips. Loud and echoing off of the stone walls. "That's it, sweetheart. Lemme hear you." Max murmurs as he pulls your panties to the side and you watch as his dark eyes meet yours while he drags his tongue through your folds. "Shit." You pant, toes twitching as he dives in.

Max had been good at oral before, but it was always given selfishly. It was so the girl would suck his dick or brag to her girlfriends about how good he was. So he could possibly bang them later too. This is just because he wants to. Because he’s addicted to your taste and sounds. His tongue curling up inside you and then coming back out to flick over your clit as he devours you. Groaning into your cunt like a man starved, he could spend all night between your thighs just like this and be happy pulling orgasms from you.

You whimper as he happily eats you out like a man starved. You can never complain that Max isn’t a giver with the way he licks your cunt for hours. You reach down to tangle your fingers in his hair and he growls into your flesh. His fingers digging deep and you know he’s going to bruise you but you don’t care, too caught up in the feel of his tongue curling inside of you, his nose pressed against your clit. “Fuck, Max. So good. Always so good.” You praise him, “love this. Love you so much.”

Max loves when you praise him, soaking it up and it makes him work even harder to pull an orgasm out of you. His eyes are dark and lust blown as he watches you, just shy of turning yellow in his desire.

You see that dark look in his eyes that he gets a lot and you love it. The hunger there makes your stomach twist and pushes you closer to your orgasm. He pushes his tongue deeper, curling it inside of you and you fall over the edge. “Max!” You squeal, thighs squeezing his head as you cum, soaking his tongue and you throw your head back as your orgasm shakes your body.

Max growls, the sound vibrating into you and he eagerly drinks down every drop of your release that you will give him. Loving how completely undone you are because of him. You’ve told him how powerful the orgasms are and he gets drunk on the pleasure he gives you as he strokes you through the high with his tongue.

You reach down to run your fingers through his hair, a lazy smile on your face as you melt into the mattress. “Shit. I fucking love you, Phillips.” You sigh happily, licking your lips and you beckon him up to you by tugging on his hair. “Want you inside me.” You request softly.

Despite the fact that he is hard and aching, Max takes his time to kiss you. Pressing his lips to your gently and licking into your mouth when you open for him. Not minding your taste, you kiss him back eagerly as he starts to slowly cover your body with his own and slide his hands down to lift your legs up onto his hips. “I love you too, sweet cheeks.” He promises when he pulls back, looking into your eyes as he notches himself at your entrance and slowly starts to push inside you. 

You moan his name as he pushes deep inside of you. "Shit Max, feels like you're in my guts." You groan in bliss as he nudges the back wall of your pussy. He is longer than any other lover you've had. You caress his back as he kisses along your neck, making you tilt your head until his lips are over your pulse. Unaware of the danger he poses as he scrapes his teeth over your skin. "Hmmm Max." You hum as he starts to move.

“You feel so good, baby.” He groans, pretending to pant because he doesn’t need to breathe. Sliding his arms underneath you, he pulls you closer as his hips start to rock fast and deep, making sure you feel every inch of his cock inside you . “Love you so much, you’re perfect for me.” 

You know you’ve never felt like this about anyone. It’s gonna always be Max. He’s your forever and you don’t know how true that rings for him. Your hands caress his shoulders as you lift your thighs a little higher, allowing him to sink deeper inside of you. “Yes, baby. Oh shit. I’m gonna - you’re - I’m close.” You tell him, amazed at the ability he has to make you cum so fast.

“That’s it, pretty girl.” He groans, eyes rolling back at the way your cunt clenches down on him. “Cum for Max, show me how wet you get when I fuck you.” He leans down and presses his lips to yours again. “I love you. Cum for me.” 

You moan into his mouth, unable to stop your orgasm from hitting you hard and your nails dig into his skin as you cum, toes curling against his ass as you clamp down on his cock with a moan.

He loves it. Moaning your name, he can’t help but fuck into you a little harder. Not too hard, he can’t hurt his little human, but enough that it enhances your orgasm and makes you squeal again. Max buries his head against your neck, hiding the way that his face starts to shift, feeling his own end starting to build. It only takes a few more pumps of his cock before he’s growling, pushing deep and filling you up with hot ropes of his useless seed. 

You sigh as Max fills you up, loving the way he relaxes on top of you, and you kiss his hair as he grunts against your neck. “I love you Phillips. So much.” You murmur, caressing his back and you feel his muscles beneath the skin.

“I love you too.” He turns once his face has morphed back to normal and presses his lips to yours, making sure that he pants so you will believe that is out of breath. He slowly pulls out of you with a groan and nudges his nose against yours before he rolls off of you onto his back so you can cuddle against him. “Didn’t tear this set.” He muses as he slides his hand up and down your lingerie clad back. “Must be tired.” Turning, he kisses your forehead. “Do you want to soak in a bath baby, or take a nap?” 

“Nap.” You murmur, shifting onto your side so you can look at him. “Definitely nap.” You close your eyes and you smile when Max kisses your shoulder as he leans over you. “Get some sleep.” He orders softly and you hum, knowing he will clean you up before he goes to sleep. He always falls asleep after you.

It never takes long for you to fall asleep after he’s fucked you. Watching you as your breathing starts to even out and before too long, you are asleep. It’s one of the reasons that you aren’t living together yet. You would notice that he never sleeps if you lived together. He could always pretend to have slept for the few nights you stayed over, but if you were constantly together, you would figure it out. You aren’t stupid. When he’s certain you won’t stir, he slowly shifts out from under you, moving towards the bathroom to get a washrag to clean you up. Smirking to himself when he sees the cum on the inside of your thighs and dripping out of you. While nothing could ever come of it, it makes him incredibly possessive to see it. 

Max sighs as he lays down beside you, watching you sleep, and he wonders what you are dreaming about until he hears his name across the castle. He can hear his sire calling him from anywhere and he groans, shifting off of the bed to dress and make his way over to his “uncle’s” suite. “Max.” Serge greets Max when he opens the door. “It’s been a long time,”

“It has.” Max admits, knowing he has not been back for years but he doesn’t apologize for it. He had been busy making his way up the corporate ladder. “And this time you have brought a human.” Serge’s expression is amused and he watches his protegé carefully. “The entire east wing smells of her blood. She is sweet.” 

Max swallows down the growl that threatens to make its way up his throat. “I’m assuming you’re here to ask me for permission to turn her?” He asks, knowing that Max needs the authorization of his maker to turn what some would call “his mate.” Max nods and stands straighter. “I’ll need to meet her of course. Tomorrow. I need to see if she’s suitable.” Serge hums, wiping some invisible lint off of his shirt.

“She will be suitable.” Max assures his sire, forgetting how abrupt he could be. “I- I love her.” He admits, knowing that Serge will take Max’s wants into account when meeting you. “She is perfect for me.” 

Serge chuckles, “I’ll be the judge of that. She smells delicious so I’m sure she will be sweet. She has tamed you, Maxwell.” Serge playfully tuts, “I never thought I’d see the day.”

He bristles slightly but allows himself to relax. “She has.” He admits. “She balances me out. Keeps me from being outrageous like I used to be.” He wants this to go well. “A perfect mate for me.”

Serge nods, “we will see tomorrow. I just wanted to see you when you arrived. You may go back to your human. She must be tired after all that traveling.” Serge says and looks out of the window at the moon that has risen high in the sky.

“Tomorrow.” Max nods and lets himself out of the suite to walk back towards his rooms. Hoping that Serge is impressed by you and allows him to turn you.

****

To say you’re nervous to meet Max’s uncle is an understatement. You know you need to impress the only family Max has if you have any chance of your relationship continuing and you focus on making sure you look good this morning so that Max’s uncle is impressed by you. You exhale shakily when Max calls you from the bedroom to let you know a breakfast tray is here. “I can’t eat, Max.” You admit, “what if your uncle hates me? I can’t ask you to choose between me and your only family.”

“Don’t worry baby.” He reaches out and wraps his arm around you to pull you close. “He’s gonna love you.” He nudges his nose against yours before he kisses you. “Please just eat a little? For me? I don’t want you to be hungry.”

You nod, kissing him again, knowing you should probably have something to settle your stomach. You reach down to take a piece of buttered toast off of the tray and bite into it, watching as Max prepares your coffee the way you like it.

“Don’t think of him as someone scary.” Max tells you, turning and handing you the coffee. “He’s just my uncle. I’m introducing the woman I love to him. He’s gonna be thrilled. You’re far too good for me.”

You take the cup and playfully roll your eyes. “Sure, Phillips.” You snort and take a sip of the coffee. “Says the man who brought me to a fucking castle.” Max chuckles and you set the coffee down after finishing it. “Okay let’s go.” You brush yourself down and try to ignore the hammering of your heart as you prepare to meet Max’s uncle.

Max holds your hand after leaving the suite, wanting to reassure you. “You look beautiful today, but you look beautiful everyday.” He compliments, lifting your hand up to kiss the back of it. “We are going to meet Serge in the drawing room. Nothing too formal, baby.”

“The drawing room isn’t formal?” You snort and Max smirks as he squeezes your hand to guide you through the ornate house to the drawing room. You exhale shakily, unaware that both men can hear your heart pounding as you enter the drawing room to find a man around Max’s age standing in the room already. That confuses you. Unless he looks really good for his age, Max can’t have an uncle that’s the same age as him.

Max beams, guiding you close to the other man. Saying your name, he motions towards Serge. “This is my uncle, Serge.” He explains. “Serge, this is the woman I want to marry.”

Your heart flutters and you turn to smile at Max as he says that. You figured he wanted to take the next step bringing you here but to hear him say it aloud has you grinning from ear to ear. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” You hold your hand out to his uncle who hums as he takes your hand in his. “She’s a pretty one, Max.” He says with a wink towards you, squeezing your hand. “Do you think she’d make a good vampire?” He asks and you can’t stop the confused chuckle escaping your lips.

Max doesn’t laugh, just nodding seriously. “She will.” He tells his sire. “She has amazing self control and she’s smart as hell. If you allow me to change her, it will be good for our coven here and in the States.” Serge cares that he chooses wisely when turning people now, the unfortunate fiascos that can occur when you turn too many has been a lesson learned over the decades. He turns to look at you with a proud smile. “She would be amazing.”

You turn to look at Max with confused eyes, waiting for him to say “ha, gotcha,” but he doesn’t and that makes you gasp. “Wait…are you joking? Or - or are you for real? Like- like vampires exist and I- you are one?” You ask Max, still waiting for him to burst out laughing and say it’s all a joke.

“It’s real sweet cheeks.” Max reaches for your hand again. “It’s the reason that I’ve not been able to move in with you yet. Serge isn’t my uncle, he’s my sire. He made me a vampire and I have to get permission from him to tell you about all this.”

You pull your hand away from his reach and stare at Max in shock. He's a vampire. He drinks blood. He wants you to become a vampire. You feel sick and dizzy and have a thousand different emotions. Your vision goes fuzzy and your eyes roll into the back of your head as you collapse.

That had not been the response Max was expecting. His inhumane speed keeps you from hitting the ground and he scoops you up to move you towards the sofa. Serge tuts and shakes his head. “Does she do this often?” He asks, unsure of how well you would take transforming into a creature of the night if you fainted at the news. 

“No. She’s shocked.” Max huffs, caressing your cheek and looking down at you worriedly once he’s got you settled.

“Well she might be shocked but you have two options now. Either she’s changed or you kill her. You know the sacred rule…no human can know about us. It’s one or the other and if you can’t make a choice, I’ll have to kill her.” Serge declares.

“I’ll change her.” Max promises, knowing that he can’t kill you, not when he loves you like he does. “When she wakes up and accepts what I am, she’ll want to be changed.” 

Serge nods and turns to walk out of the room, bored with the scene. “See that she does, Maxwell.” He warns his vampiric offspring. “Or I will destroy her.” 

****

You wince when you come around, the bright light hurting your eyes and you hear Max shut the curtain as you open your eyes properly. “Max?” You croak and Max kneels beside you.

“I’m here baby.” He promises and you swallow, your throat dry. “Here.” Max says as he hands you a glass of water and you shift to sit up. 

You take a few gulps and hand the glass back to Max. “I had the weirdest dream. That you were a vampire and you -” You glance around the drawing room and back to Max. “Oh God. It’s true. You - oh my God.” You choke, trying to back away from him.

“It’s okay.” He soothes you, keeping his voice low. “Nothing has changed. I’ve been a vampire this entire time and nothing’s happened, right? I just can now offer you one hell of a health plan, eternal life.” He jokes, sending you a reassuring smile. “I love you baby, and I want to be with you forever.”

“I thought - I thought you were proposing.” You choke and Max chuckles, “I kinda am. This is the vampy way of proposing.” He winks at you and you shake your head, “that’s why- you don’t eat. You don’t sleep. You - oh God. How didn’t I see something was off?”

“Because I didn’t want you too, baby.” Max reaches for you, wanting to caress your face, but you rear back from him. Making him frown, upset that you think he would hurt you. He’s never wanted to hurt you and he never would. “It’s okay baby, I’m still me. The same man you love.”

"I - I need time to think." You murmur, head hurting from trying to process that Max is a fucking vampire, and you struggle to reconcile that the man you adore also kills people. "I - what would - if you were to change me...what happens?"

“Well….” It’s good that you are asking questions. “You would be a vampire. You’d be extremely thirsty for a few days, but I will make sure you have exactly what you need.” He promises. “You’d have better hearing, vision, and strength. You wouldn’t need any sleep. You would be the best version of yourself.”

You bite your lip as you process his words. "What about...what about having kids? Would we be able to have a family?" You ask him. You had never discussed kids. You've tried but Max has always distracted you and now you know why he did.

“Baby….” Max sighs, blowing out a sound even though he doesn’t need to breathe. “I can’t have kids. I could never have kids. Not since we met.” He won’t mention that it’s because he’s technically dead. “But we could have our own version of kids. Anyone we change.”

“Oh." You sound so defeated, almost devastated. You have been so focused on your career that you always put the children talk on the back burner but you wanted the choice. Now that's being taken away from you if you want to stay with Max. "What - what would happen if I wasn't changed?" You ask and Max closes his eyes for a second, "I have to change you...or kill you." He barely breathes out the second part but you hear it. "If I don't, then Serge will." He admits and you nod slowly. 

"I love you. I do. So much. I- I don't know." You confess and Max knows he made a mistake bringing you here. 

"It's okay, sweetheart. I'll take you home. I'll - I can sneak you out and hide you. Serge won't find you." He promises and you reach for his hand, reminded that this is Max. 

"What would happen to you?" You aren't stupid, you know there'd be consequences. 

“I'd be killed but I've had a good life. I - you made it better than I could've hoped." He reveals and you feel your eyes sting at the thought of him being killed. 

"Max. No. No. I - I'll do it. You can change me." You tell him and he shakes his head, "I can't. I know you don't want it. I can see it in your eyes. I can't change you and see you hate me in a decade when you realize how lonely this life can be." He admits and you squeeze his hand, "I want it." You try to convince yourself and him, "don't you want to spend forever with me?" You ask, wondering if he's changed his mind.

“I will have spent forever with you.” He’s grateful that Serge had disappeared to do whatever so he could talk to you. “My last days will be with you. That’s all I want.” He promises. He knows he can’t turn you against your will and you don’t love him enough to give up your humanity. “Quick. We need to leave now.” He tells you, standing up and pulling you up with him. “I’ll keep you safe.”

"No. No. Max- I won't - I can't let you die because of me. Please. Change me now." You beg, pushing on his chest as much as you can and tilting your head so you can display your neck to him. "I can't let you die baby. Just bite me, now. Please. Before I change my mind and freak out. Do it."

Max loves you even more for begging him to change you to save his life. He cups your cheek and smiles at you gently, ignoring the panic in your words and leaning in to kiss your lips. “Go to sleep, sweetheart.” He orders you, looking deep into your eyes and hypnotizing you with his powers or persuasion. “You will sleep now.”

You collapse into his arms, passed out as you unwillingly fall asleep. Max carries you through the house, abandoning your things to prioritize your safety and he is quick to get into the car and drive you to the airport. He needs to get you out of Romania before Serge realizes you are gone. His sire has always had such a strong conviction to vampiric law and Max knows he won't rest until order is restored. 

Max keeps you asleep until he's laying you down in your bed and he pulls out his phone to call that witch girl who he fucked a few years ago. He needs a protection spell on your apartment. When you wake up, you're extremely confused to find yourself back in your bed and Max nowhere to be found. "Max?" You call out, throat dry, and you start to sob when you realize what he's done. He's going to be killed and it's all your fault.

Max has been listening outside your apartment door, waiting for you to wake up. Since the witch has placed the spell on your dwelling, even he can’t cross your threshold. A horrible side effect, but he knows he will do whatever he needs to keep you safe. He can’t even touch the door to knock. “It’s okay, baby.” He closes his eyes and sighs, standing back a few feet from your door. “You’re safe.” He hears you rush out of your bedroom and fling the door open. “Don’t step outside!” He barks harshly. “You’re safe inside. Serge can’t reach you there.”

You don’t cross the threshold but you stare at him with tears running down your cheeks, “why? Why did you do this? I- I wanted you to change me. Now you’re going to be killed. I can’t lose you. I love you, Phillips and I - I’m so sorry. I should’ve said yes. I should’ve let you change me from the get go.”

Max shakes his head. “I love you too, sweet cheeks.” He promises you. “That's why I can’t change you.” He shrugs slightly. “You want kids, and to grow old, and I can’t do any of those things.” He swallows harshly. “I’ll protect you. I’ll make sure Serge doesn’t hurt you, even if it means that he has to kill me.” He wishes he could kiss you one last time, but the kiss he gave you while you were asleep will have to do. “Don’t be sorry, and don’t blame yourself.”

You shake your head, "don't do this. Please." You choke, clinging to the door frame as you stay in the apartment and Max blows you a kiss, "I love you, baby. Be good." He says and walks down the hall, letting you know he's going to sacrifice himself. You sob, falling to the floor and you can't let him do this. You rush out of your apartment down the hall towards where Max just disappeared down the stairwell when the elevator dings. 

"Silly girl. He was trying to protect you and you just ruined his plan. Nevermind, it makes my job easier." Serge chuckles, speeding towards you to grab your neck, making you cry out. "Max!"

Max hears Serge, growling and whipping around to race back down the hallway. Fear and anger when he sees his sire holding you by the neck makes Max snarl. His face shifting and transforming in the truly horrific visage of his true self, eyes yellow and bone structure heavy. “Let her go.” He growls, wishing you had never left the safety of the apartment.

“You can’t kill her, Max and she has to die. She knows the secret and she can’t be left alive. Either she dies or you do and I can’t lose you. You’re like a son to me. Just let me kill the silly girl. You’ll forget all about her in a few years and you’ll find another human.” Serge scoffs, squeezing your neck a little harder and you reach up to grab his forearms.

“No.” The growl is low, furious as Max speeds towards you and his sire. Reaching out and grabbing the older vampire’s arm, he twists it to make him drop you, lowering his shoulder to push the threat away from you as he hisses, his fangs descending, deadly sharp canines on display.

You gasp, backing up into the wall as Max grabs his maker and shoves him against the wall in your hallway. The drywall cracks and Max growls as he manages to wrap his hand around Serge’s throat. “You motherfucker.” He growls and squeezes as he fumbles to open his jacket. 

“She’s worth this, Max? If you kill me, you’ll die.” Serge reminds him.

“I don’t care.” Max snarls. “As long as she lives, I can die a happy man.” Instead of tearing Serge’s head off, Max lunges forward and sinks his teeth into the man’s throat, tearing it out and then pulls out the stake he had put in his jacket. Plunging it into his maker’s chest, fully prepared to die to keep you safe.

You scream as you watch Serge explode, blood covering the walls of your apartment hall and you shake your head. “Max no!” You cry, scared that he’s going to die because of you. “Why did you do that!” You shout, “You are going to - oh God. Max.” You fall to the floor when he turns around and you see him covered in blood.

He’s getting a few more seconds. Seconds he doesn’t want to waste. Grabbing you, Max hauls you close to him and presses his blood covered lips to yours. “I love you.” He promises, right before the pressure in his body builds to the point where he screams.

You cling to him, uncaring that he’s likely to explode in a spray of blood. You want to be close to him in his final moments, the life he sacrificed for yours. “I love you.” You cry as he screams until he slumps down beside you. He doesn’t explode, he collapses onto the floor unconscious and you sob, reaching for him to caress his cheek. His bone structure is still heavy, depicting his true nature until it starts to shift under your touch. “I’m so sorry, Max.” You sob, leaning down to press your face to his chest, mourning the man you love so dearly.

Long minutes pass. His body is still and unmoving. Changing back to the body of a normal man and not exploding into a bloody pile of goop like you had expected. You continue to sob against his chest until a strange sound captures your attention. One that you realize you had never heard before despite laying on his chest after sex. A tiny thud. Repeating again and again until it starts to resemble something you never thought you would hear. A heartbeat.

You pull back, looking down at Max in shock, and he inhales sharply after several seconds, spluttering as he chokes on a breath. "Max!" You cry, thinking something is wrong until he opens his eyes. "Max. Are you - are you okay?" You ask, hands covered in blood as you cup his cheeks.

Max grimaces, his head pounding in the first headache he’s had in…..since he was turned. “I- fuck-“ he gasps out, feeling his lungs start to burn from the lack of oxygen. “I’m- I’m human again.” He whispers, realizing what all of that must mean. 

You are in shock, your palm on his thumping heart and you look at him. “Max. You’re human.” You gasp, helping him to sit up and you know he has to be feeling everything all at once. “Are you okay?”

“I feel like shit.” Max admits and after he thinks about that for a moment, he starts to laugh. “Baby, I feel like shit!” He repeats, aware that he’s never felt like shit as a vampire. “Serge must have known that killing him wouldn’t kill me.” He realizes. “Motherfucker lied.”

You caress his cheek, “you’re human.” You are in shock and You surge forward to hug him. “You’re alive. Baby. Can I - you hungry?” You ask, wanting to look after him as much as possible.

Max wraps his arms around you and frowns slightly as his stomach growls. “I- yes?” It’s more of a question since he’s only experienced thirst since being changed. “I- oh my god, baby, I’m human. I-“ he chokes up and buries his face in your neck.

You caress his back, wondering if he’s happy or angry that he’s human. “Are you- are you upset that you don’t have - that you aren’t a vampire anymore?” You ask, unable to believe how warm he feels beneath your touch. You’ve never noticed that before.

“I don’t care about being a vampire.” That’s true, he realizes as Max pulls away to look into your eyes. “I want to be with you. Forever, for twenty years, it doesn’t matter, as long as I’m with you.”

Your lower lip trembles as you stare at him with tears in your eyes. “I love you Max. I want to be with you. I would’ve spent forever with you but I’m happy to spend the rest of my life with you.” You promise, “I just - I hope you don’t regret this.” You sigh, leaning in to softly kiss him.

“I’d never regret you, sweet cheeks.” Max promises you. “But I’m starving.” He groans. “And I’m so fucking sore. And my head hurts.”

“Do you want to shower and I’ll make you something to eat?” You ask, running your fingers through his blood soaked hair. “And I’ll get you some Tylenol.” You promise, knowing that he’s going to have to adjust to human life again.

Max grins, leaning in and kissing you again. “I fucking love you.” He breathes out. “That sounds like heaven. And then I want it see what human sex is like with you.” He teases, happy that he didn’t become a Jackson Pollock painting and he gets a second chance at being human, with you. “See if those swimmers work now.”

You chuckle, “well I have an IUD. Didn’t realize it was a waste of time, but let’s go get you that shower.” You say, shifting to stand up. “I love you, Max Phillips.” You say when he’s standing up and you guide him into your apartment, leaving the blood in the hall to deal with later and you shut the door, guiding Max to your bathroom. You turn on the water and work on stripping off his blood soaked clothes. “I’m so happy you’re alive. I- I should’ve stayed inside. I nearly lost you.” You choke, cupping his cheeks once he’s bare before you.

“Baby, I would do anything for you.” Max reminds you, holding onto your waist. “Even die.” He chuckles. “But I’m glad that didn’t happen.” He admits, leaning in and sighing softly.

“Me too.” You murmur, working on removing your own clothes and you guide him into the shower. “Temperature okay?” You ask and he nods. You grab the body wash you’ve kept in your shower for him and you work on washing him, loving the way he groans when you rub his head. “My hero. Saving me. Sacrificing for me. You are incredible Max.” You whisper, wanting him to know how much you adore him.

Max hums, closing his eyes and enjoying the heat of the water and your hands on his skin. “You are worth it.” He murmurs quietly. “You’re worth everything, baby.”

You smile and kiss his chest, right above his now beating heart. You owe him your life and your humanity and you will love him until the day you die. You shift to rinse him off, working fast to clean yourself up. This isn’t sexual, purely comfort and you work fast until you are handing him a towel. “Get some sweats and I’ll make you some food. “Grilled cheese and tomato soup sound good?”

Groaning, his mouth practically waters at the idea of the simple meal. “That sounds amazing. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had that?” He asks. “I will eat anything that you want to fix happily.”

You smile, happy to look after him after he’s taken such good care of you. You quickly dress in your shorts and tank top and make your way into the kitchen to prepare dinner for you both. You are surprisingly hungry after nearly being killed and it doesn’t take long for you to have the meal on the kitchen table. “Max. It’s ready!” You shout as he comes out of your bedroom.

Max stumbles out of the bedroom, his headache still a dull throb and he’s actually used the bathroom for the first time in years. “It smells amazing.” He’s drooling as he sits down and looks at the deceptively simple meal. “Thank you, baby.”

You know it’s a big adjustment for him but you’ll be there every step of the way. You set the Tylenol down with the bottle of water and tell him to drink. “Drink, baby. Take some Tylenol. You have been through a lot.” You say and he follows your order, taking two pills and swallowing them before he digs into the meal.

It tastes so good that Max can’t help but moan and groan over the meal. “Oh my god.” He moans, chewing his bite of grilled cheese and taking a spoonful of the soup. “I could eat this everyday for the rest of my life.”

You chuckle, “you can if you want. Maybe we can go back to those restaurants and you can actually eat your steak. Or try something different.” You suggest, loving the way he’s enjoying the food. You’ve never seen him like this before. You finish your meal after he does, full and suddenly exhausted. “I’ll put this in the dishwasher. Go get ready for bed. I’ll be right in.”

It’s strange to be tired after years of not sleeping. Pretending to rest while he lays with you to make you think he had just woken up. Now, his entire body feels like it’s about to shut down and he still wants to touch you. He follows your orders and goes to get ready for bed, using the tooth brush that he leaves here.

You watch him come back into your bedroom and you pull the covers over, letting him get under them with you and you shift to pull him close, throwing your leg over his hip. “You have freckles.” You murmur, tracing his chest. “You didn’t have those before.”

He chuckles a little self consciously, wondering if the human version of Max Phillips will be exciting enough for you. “Yeah.” He hums. “I used to go to the beach a lot. Oh shit, I can be out in the sun for more than ten minutes again.” He realizes, eyes widening. “Can we go to the beach this weekend?” He asks excitedly.

You smile, “of course babe. We can go.” You promise and lean in to press your lips to his collarbone. “I’m so happy you’re alive. Vampire or human. I don’t think I could ever survive without you, Phillips. I love you so much.” You confess and lean in to kiss his jaw. “You saved me.” You murmur against his skin, “let me - I want to suck your cock.” You say, grinding yourself against him.

“Baby….” He whines, loving the idea. “Okay but you can't let me cum.” He tells you breathlessly. “I don’t know if I can stay hard. And I want you to cum too.

You nod, knowing that Max’s endless fucking isn’t possible now that’s he’s human but you don’t care. You love him more than anything else. You shift to pull the covers back, loving that he’s already half hard as you carefully pull down his sweats after he lifts his hips. You settle between his legs, spitting into your hand and you grip his cock, looking at those beautiful dark eyes as you lean in to wrap your lips around the head of his cock.

“Baby, I fucking love your mouth. It’s so good for so many things. Kissing me, sucking my cock, telling me that you love me.” He groans. “I want to tell you everyday how much I love your mouth.”

You moan around him, loving how he twitches inside of your mouth, and you work the base with your fingers, letting your saliva drip down to your digits. You groan when he grabs the back of your neck and you think he's going to push you further down his cock but he pulls you off. You whine, saliva dripping down your chin, "baby. Why?" You huff despite your cunt dripping for him.

“Want to be inside you.” He pants. “Want to feel you around my cock when I cum.” There’s enough time later on for him to let you swallow his cum. Right now he’s wanting to live every day like it’s his last and make sure you know how much he adores you.

You shift, pushing your shorts down and moving fast to straddle him, wanting to take care of him after his body has gone through so much. You reach down to grip his cock. "I love you." You murmur as you start to sink down onto his cock.

“Oh fuck baby, oh fuck.” Max groans, his toes curling up. “I love how you feel. It’s so, it’s so good. You're hotter. Wetter somehow.”

“You are hotter.” You tell him, “you feel - you feel so good Max.” You moan, caressing his bare chest to place your palm over his pounding heart as you start to move. You moan his name and he hisses when you clench around him as you start to bounce on his cock.

It’s crazy to feel lightheaded and out of breath. Feeling more now that he was human again. His fingers curl into the flesh at your hips and he moans your name. “Fuck baby, your so pretty.”

You preen at his praise, making you whimper his name and you rock a little faster. He is so soft beneath your touch and you never realized how cold he was until you feel his heated skin beneath your fingertips. “God, I love you Max. So much. Need - gonna make me -” You reach between you to rub your clit, so close to your orgasm.

He watches for a moment, obsessed with how you look. Then he’s slapping your hand away to rub your clit himself. He wants to be the one to make you cum. Loving the way you immediately buck when he takes over.

Your mouth falls open as you rock on his cock. “Yes baby. Oh shit. Yes. I’m gonna - fuck. You’re gonna make me cum.” You hiss, your thighs shaking as you grip his cock inside of you. Soaking him as you cum and you slump forward into his chest.

“Oh god, oh god, that feels so good.” He moans, wrapping his arms around you and sighing softly. He’s almost content to just stay like this but he wants to feel an orgasm as a human again so he starts to rock his hips up slowly. “I love you, baby. Nothing’s gonna keep us apart.”

You know there’s so much that could keep you apart but you’ll fight tooth and nail to make sure you spend the rest of your lives together. He rocks up into you and you get yourself together so you can rock down onto his cock, loving the way he hisses when your walls grip him. “Cum for me, baby. Wanna feel it.” You tell him, “wanna feel you cum inside of me.”

Max whimpers, eyes closed and he gasps out your name. Knowing that he should have died today, but he’s been given a new lease on life. “I love you.” He moans, thrusting up into you and painting your walls with his hot seed.

You moan, loving how it feels and you caress his chest as he twitches inside of you. “I love you.” You murmur, wanting to say it over and over now that you’re both safe. You aren’t sure how long you stay like that, just breathing each other in as he softens inside of you

Max’s eyes close almost immediately, his arms wrapped around you and he breathes you in. Smiling softly as he truly gets to inhale your scent. He might not have eternal life or everlasting youth anymore, but he has something much better, you.

#pedro pascal #max phillips #max phillips x f!reader #max phillips x reader #max phillips x you #max phillips smut #max phillips fanfiction #max phillips imagine #bloodsucking bastards #max phillips bloodsucking bastards

[valkyriecrane]

G Witch Ep 12 Thoughts

(Right, there's gonna be some foul language in this one, also MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR EP 12) What The Fuck Prospera, no seriously WHAT THE FUCK. "That Girl"!! "THAT GIRL"!!! I guess that's one way to reveal to the world how little you give a shit about the girl who wears your daughters face. Prospera is definitely the worst parent in this show, and that's saying something considering Mr. Delling "I'm gonna auction my daughter off to the best fighter" Rembran, and Mr. Vim "You lost too many battles, you're no longer my son" Jeturk are in this show. Talking of Vim, hands up who didnt see that one coming. Of all the parents who was in this show, he was never the one I expected to die first, and yet he does, glad that he's finally found his missing son, whom he loved but struggled to show it. Too caught up in status and politics to see what he was doing to his child.

And it killed him, once he realised what he lost. Killed by his own estranged son who through a lack of communication and time was forced to watch his father die by his own hand. Where this leaves Guel I dont know, perhaps he'll join with Shaddiq now, until he finds out what he's planning, and that he's ultimately responsible for the death of his father. Wouldnt that be something. Delling, the cold calculating businessman, who when it comes down to it, puts himself between an explosion and his daughter. All of the politicing, all of the lies and distance an attempt to protect his daughter, but then, just as the estrangement began to fade, it was torn away by others scheming. And now we come to the new enhanced witches, Sophie and Norea. They're fun, even if Sophie does have a slightly massive obsessive streak. I dont have much on them today, but I do want to touch on the idea that Sophie calls Suletta her 'big sister.' Now there are three things this could mean: - First, and most likely in my opinion, is that this is metaphorical, Suletta is Sophie's big sister in that she too pilots a gundam, and so they're all part of a big family of Witches, people persecuted and hated for the powers their suits posess. - Second, and a little less likely, although not by much, is that Suletta too is an enhanced person like Sophie and Norea, probably enhanced at the same facility they grew up in, and so Sophie feels a familial bond to her due to their shared origin. - Thirdly, and the completely batshit off the rails option, is that Suletta Mercury, is their full blood sister, who has been altered in much the same way EL4N and EL5N were, in order to give her the face and body of Ericht Samaya. Either way this is gonna be fun. Talking of Ericht, lets talk about the Aerial. Her new design is pretty interesting, even if it shares more similarities with the mobile suits of typically antagonistic forces than it does with a traditional Gundam now. That line about it 'not being designed for combat' solidifed my theory that the suits used in Asticassia are massively tuned down compared to actual combat use suits, so like, how powerful is the Aerial going to be when it gets tuned up. Finally, lets talk about Suletta Mercury. The Witch. The Cyber Newtype, the girl so conditioned to obey her mother that she'll straight up murder a guy and maintain her chill floppy exterior. I'm scared for her and Mio-Mio, I think this might be the action that sends them to opposite sides of the war, at least for now. Suletta goes from being terrified of killing, to happily doing it in a sentence from her mother. Suletta Mercury, what did Elnora do to you, what's Quiet Zero, and why can you casually enter Permet Six with no ill effects while others are almost dead at three. I cannot wait for April, this is gonna be such a long three months. Ah well, back to watching through Gundam-X I guess.

#gundam witch from mercury #gundam the witch from mercury #g witch #ericht samaya #prospera mercury #suletta mercury #gundam aerial #g-witch #g witch spoilers #gundam suisei no majo

[iliveformanyfictionalcharacters]

heyy! could you do a zoe benson x fem!reader where zoe and the reader are crushing on each other, but while reader is calm and collected, zoe gets super shy and flustered around them? reader knows about zoe’s crush( and likes to tease her), so when she finally confesses, reader’s like, “oh yeah, i know.” this just sounded really cute to me!!

thank you!

Blushing Butterflies

Zoe Benson x Reader

Word Count: 1,376

Summary: Zoe and reader have massive crushes on eachother, only Zoe doesn’t realize because of the readers calm nature. 

Warnings: Fluff, Cussing.

 [Name] and Zoe first met, Zoe had been rushing to get to breakfast almost tripping over the stairs on her way down. 

 [Name] had tracked down the witches coven through their grandmother, who just so happened to have gone to the very same ‘school’ as Cordeila Goode's mother, Fiona. Their grandmother had long passed on but through old letters found in the attic of their childhood home, [Name] learned of the powers they displayed as a child. 

 There were letters addressed to different people however after snooping more they found a box full of letters all addressed to the same person. 

 The first one had been fairly normal simply listing out things their grandmother had done throughout the summer. Though by the fifth letter it was clear something strange was happening or rather had happened. 

 Through these letters their grandmother explained to a friend how she had been attending a ‘coven’ and all the things they had learned. From casting spells  to making herbal potions. At first [Name] thought this could have been some weird roleplaying game her grandmother took part in.

 On the 8th letter she began reading about a child. Her grandmother wrote about her grandchild, how happy she was to have them. How even in the early stages of humanity the child exhibited faint passings of powers. 

 Whipping their hand quickly and a stack of books falling over. A flick of their finger and their bottle would float towards them for a few seconds before falling to the ground.  

 And now here they were, still a bit in denial about this whole thing. 

 In fact, they had been so scared of what family secrets they had uncovered that they hadn't even tried to do the same things expressed in the letters. What if it didn't work?

 Or even more terrifying; what if it did?

[Name] stood just at the end of the staircase, a woman named Cordeila Goode had invited them in after hearing the story of what they had found. Cordelia was pulled away quickly though to attend to an emergency, leaving [name] alone. 

 “Fuck, i’m sorry!”

[Name] jumped when a body slammed into theirs, nearly pushing them to the ground before quickly yelling out the apology. 

 Turning they saw a girl with soft features and brown hair, huffing and still trying to collect herself. 

 “No no, it’s fine.” Uncomfortable silence grew for a few seconds.

 “If you don’t mind me asking, who are you?” the girl spoke.

[Name] chuckled slightly, realizing how strange it must be for them to be standing in her home without an explanation.

 “I’m sorry this time, my name is [Name], a woman named Mrs. Cordelia invited me in. Someone pulled her away for an emergency though and I'm not really sure where to go.”

 The girl thought for a moment before responding.

 “Well I was just about to get breakfast, you can come with me. I’m Zoe.” She stuck out her hand.

 “Nice to meet you Zoe.” They said, shaking it lightly. 

 Over the next few months [Name] worked with Cordelia and Zoe to tap into their new found powers, as well as spending their spare time looking into their grandmother more. 

 The letters they found only got stranger and stranger, something about a death in the coven and how she was suspicious of someone. Not once was the name of the person mentioned though. Every night was spent staying up reading them over and over looking through the history books and honestly just trying to understand.

 Zoe stayed up every night too, although her reason was completely different. 

 She couldn't stop thinking about [Name], couldn't stop thinking about their face, their voice, their words. Everything about them entrance Zoe from the very beginning. 

 When she ran into [Name] the first day the first thing she noticed was their beautiful eyes. I mean, how could she not. [Name] was astoundingly amazing. 

 But what started as a superficial crush because of their beauty, has become full love and admiration for everything about them.

 Not that Zoe would ever let [Name] know that. 

 Some nights Zoe would stay up thinking about the embarrassing things she had done in front of them, all because she couldn't keep it together. 

 There's that one time Zoe was trying to help [Name] out with figuring out all their powers, a couple days after they showed up. She wasn't trying to drop her flower vase but before she knew it they were both covered in soil head to toe.

 Thankfully [Name] just laughed it off, making Zoe fall in love with the sound immediately. 

 And that time she choked on her food the first time she saw [Name] dressed up in their best outfit. And-.

 Sleep Zoe, sleep. She thought.

 She hadn't slept properly in a month, ever since she realized she was in love.

 Of course, she had no idea [Name] felt the exact same. 

  “Zoe!” [Name] called from the bottom of the stairs. “I need you, please come here.”

 “Coming!” Zoe called quickly. 

 [Name] smiled knowingly, Zoe always tried her best to make them happy and to be with them. [Name] knew about Zoe’s crush on them, in fact she could see the lovesick look on her face every time she looked up at her, only to find Zoe already looking at them. 

 “What's up?” Zoe asked, coming down the steps just a little too fast.  

 “I need your help in the library. My grandmother mentioned a book I think might be in there. Could you help me find it?”

 “Of course!” Zoe said excitedly. 

[Name] smirked, “Little eager there, just can't wait to be alone with me, huh?” They teased.

 They always said things like that, teasing Zoe ever since they found out about her crush. They found it so cute how her face turned red and she got even more flustered. 

 “Shut up.” Zoe said, it came out as playful though. 

 “Come on, Zo. We've got a book to find.” They grabbed her hand and led her to the house library. 

 “FUCK FUCK FUCK! SHIT!” [Name] yelled as a stack of books fell from the top shelf right on top of their head. 

 The book they were trying to get from the bottom of the stack was in their hand now, although upon further inspection, had nothing to do with what they wanted. 

 “Oh my god! Are you ok? Of course you're not! What should I do? Are you still breathing?” Zoe had been across the library when she heard the crash, looking over to see about 20 books surrounding [Name]. 

 [Name] just laughed at her dramatics, not realizing that Zoe was serious. 

“[Name] this is not funny! Are you ok?”

They stopped laughing, “Yeah, just have a headache now. Sorry.” 

 “For what?” 

 “Laughing. I thought you were joking. You were being kind of dramatic.”

Zoe muttered something under her breath, [Name] taking this as an opportunity as she smirked. 

 “What'd you say? Are you about to confess your undying love and worry for me Zo?” 

 “Yes..”

What?

 She muttered again, but [Name] heard it. Was this it? Were they about to confess?

 “Zo..What was that?” 

 “I um I- Imkindofinlovewithyou! And it's completely ok that you don't feel the same, it’s just I haven't slept in a month thinking about you and I just have to say it-” She stopped to take a breath. Breathing heavy and eyes full of worry.

 “Zo…”

 “[Name]…” 

 They sighed, “Come here.” [Name] said, outstretching their arms. 

 “What- why?”

 “Come here. Please.”

Zoe sighed, assuming this was a gentle rejection. She did as she was told walking forward until she was pulled into [Names] arms. 

 “I feel the same.” [Name] said. “And I already knew how you felt.” They giggled.

 Zoe looked up at [Name], from their arms. “How? How’d you know?” 

 “I mean, it was pretty obvious. Think about it.”

 Zoe thought. “Well, I got you now. Date?” Zoe asked, making [Name] smile.

 “Of course.” [Name] answered excitedly, making them both smile even wider.

 For the rest of the day [Name] and Zoe sat in silence, looking through the old library only sharing loving looks, who needs words anyway. Especially when you have a mysterious story to unfold and the knowledge that the love of your life is right by your side. 

 Right up until the end.

#american horror story #zoe benson #zoe benson x reader

[nie7027]

Ok first of all...

I CANT BELIEVE I WAS RIGHT ABOUT BELOS WANTING LUZ TO SIDE WITH HIM AND BEING SO LENIENT WITH HER JUST BECAUSE SHES HUMAN

HOLY FUCK

And gosh I loved this Belos so much!!!

No more pretenses, no more holding back. He's such a little shit that thinks so poorly of witches nor more than just dirt under his feet.

He showed more emotion noting Luz's, aka his fellow human, progress excitedly fighting her and watching how far she has come than when throwing the collector away or finally destroying witchkind.

He's so evil and he loves it and i love it

The only other times he expressed more emotions than just calm danger was when appealing to Hunters heart ( and we all know that was just cheap emotional manipulation to trow Hunter off) and when anything related to his brother came up

He was so angry when he saw Flapjack (did he say "Kill him" or "Caleb"??? I couldn't hear clearly) so now we can be sure Flapjack belonged to his brother... And when Gus brought up Belos traumatic memories i was so worried Gus would make everything worse unaware of what it would actually mena to do that.

Also clearly his loss of humanty and the times he as missed on earth are a sensible topic for Belos snapping to the Collector anytime he brought it up and allowing Luz to trick him by appealing to him with that ( and i gotta say i love how damn intelligent Phillip is clearly not believing Luz in the slightest until she "showed" she was disarmed)

I love him so much. He's such a well written villain that makes you hate him so much

(Just...how many golden guard corpses are under there? Fuuuuck AND KIKIMORA KNEW)

The Collector is also so creepy and scary. He really is a child with the powers of a good and no sense of moral or just how frail lives are and that's the worst combination possible.

And although it was sad the children had to leave all their guardians behind NOW THEY ARE IN THE HUAN WORLD

HUNTER IS IN THE HUMAN WORLD

baby is gonna learn where he comes from just like i wanted(afterall if they want to build a portal back they will have to investigate the Wittebanes work/how they did it so long ago)

And the others will have to learn how is living without magic is because both their natural magic and glyphs are nullified in the human world ( i wonder if their palismen magic works??)

Just I'm so ready for what comes next

Pd: also i gotta note i loved the little detail during the kids fight with Belos of Hunter staying behind. Clearly he was unable to face his uncle (both because he still terrified filled with complex emotions about his uncle and weakened by the draining spell) and nobody pressured him into. Everybody was gladly leaving him in the back, thanking for the little supports he could mange to slip here and there until Belos himself targeted him the bastard

#the owl house

[thedailybullshit]

Alright, I finally got to see MoM, so have my thoughts about it (they’re free):

Multiverse of Madness SPOILERS

Stephen Strange: world renowned neurosurgeon, former Sorcerer Supreme, & savior of humanity cannot tie a tie.

Idk why he’s complaining about losing Christine when Wong is right there & available.

America Chavez my beloved, welcome to the MCU. Smashing entrance on your part, please stick around for the rest of my life.

Honestly I can’t really blame Wanda, I’d probably do the same thing in her situation. I don’t condone killing America, but considering everything Wanda’s been through & done I understand where she’s coming from & her desperation.

What I wouldn’t give for a miniseries of her slow descent into corruption by the Darkhold. (not a 2nd season of WandaVision, that ended perfectly, I mean a separate miniseries)

Sooooo Wanda’s line about Stephen breaking the rules vs her breaking the rules held up for literally the entire movie.

I have to wonder why Wanda didn’t seem to care about being w/ Vision as well as her sons. Probably because Vision would put a stop to that shit as soon as she tried it. But actually probably because they just couldn’t get Paul Bettany.

The entire Illuminati scene gave me AGGRESSIVE flashbacks to the era of WV theories. From Patrick Stewart’s Professor X making an appearance to John Krasinski as Reed Richards (tHe AeRoSpAcE eNgInEeR).

Also gotta wonder why the Illuminati is so bent about the powers of a man who got bested by a child who knew math.

I’d watch a Marvel Illuminati movie.

What happens when the Illuminati finds out that the Wiccan (son of the Scarlet Witch who possesses the same power set & is destined to rewrite the rules of magic & reality itself) becomes the Sorcerer Supreme (now also possesses the same powers they’re so worried about Stephen having)?

Honestly this movie said Sapphics Win bc we got:

- America being pretty

- America existing as a lesbian (yk that pride pin will be edited out to make money overseas but it’s fiiiine)

- America having 2 moms

- Wanda being pretty

- Wanda wrecking everyone’s shit in all her monstrous glory (covered in blood, morphed into a terrifying mind monster, killing innocent people, doesn’t matter. I’m gay).

- Live action Captain Carter!!!! Peggy on that Super Soldier juice

- Maria Rambeau wrecking shit right back as Captain Marvel

- & Rachel McAdams was . . . there

Don’t think a falling statue should’ve killed Captain Mar(ia)vel but it was caused by Wanda so okay.

Take a shot every time that 1 chord plays to remind you see? This is a horror movie! We’re a horror movie! It’s supposed to be scary you guys!

& take a shot for every eye the camera decides to emphasize.

Honestly props to Elizabeth Olsen’s acting prowess because every time she lets out her witchy side is *chef’s kiss*.

No fucking way Wanda’s dead, she’s way too powerful to be killed by some falling rocks, & there’s no way Lizzie’s contract is up.

(although if she wanted to - which she probably does - she could let herself die, & given everything that’s happened to her I wouldn’t blame her)

So, I’d thought that the woman in the mid-credits scene was that 1 girl from Eternals (which I didn’t watch) but I looked her up & apparently she’s Clea, so neat.

FUCK THAT POST CREDITS SCENE I WANTED WANDA CRAWLING FROM THE RUBBLE NOT PIZZA BALL VENDOR GUY.

Overall, I really liked it, & I want more America.

#multiverse of madness spoilers #multiverse of madness #doctor strange 2 #stephen strange #doctor strange #christine palmer #wong mcu #sorcerer supreme #america chavez #miss america #wanda maximoff #scarlet witch #the vision #vision mcu #vision marvel #marvel illuminati #wiccan marvel #elizabeth olsen #marvel #mcu

[treatian]

The Chronicles of the Dark One: The Delicacies of Time

Chapter 27: Showtime

Zelena gasped. One moment they'd been standing there, reviewing the compass and the portal he'd scarred into the ground, and the next, she let out a gasp and clutched her chest before a wide smile and terrifying giggle escaped her lips. He had a bad feeling about that smile.

"It's time! All is as it should be! Can't you feel it, Rumple?" she smiled at him expectantly.

"I don't feel anything," he grumbled unenthusiastically as possible.

"The protection spells I placed around the property…they've been breached…Emma is here! And you know what that means."

Yes, he did. Though he guessed that it didn't mean for him what it meant for her.

Showtime.

He watched as Zelena spun around and cast an actual protection spell over the barn, not a detection spell, which was what he suspected she'd meant she placed on the property because if it was an actual protection spell, Emma wouldn't have gotten through at all. How could such a great mind be so clueless?

"Let's go get our baby, shall we?"

He was still trying to figure out how Emma being on the property equated to the child being born when Zelena used his magic to transport them both back outside the Farmhouse. He couldn't see Emma, but he could hear her. And Hook. They were clearly hiding behind a shed, arguing, loudly, about Emma staying in Storybrooke, and he fought back a roll of the eyes. Emma was their only hope! As someone currently serving the opposing team, he knew this was the last conversation they needed to be having at the moment!

"Aww…you two are so adorable," Zelena called out.

And then there was Hook. And there was Emma. Looking as though they were shocked they'd been spotted when Hook had clearly done a slipshod job of attempting to hide in the first place.

"But instead of looking for each other, maybe you should be focused on me. Although, without magic, that could prove to be a challenge."

For once in his life, he couldn't disagree with Zelena.

"The next time you try to take my power, why don't you try enchanting the lips of someone I'll actually kiss?" Emma responded, though the remark lacked her usual snark and…was she blushing?!

For fuck's sake!

"See, Emma, you've got a decision to make. You can keep your magic, which makes you oh so sad, or you can save the man that you can't wait to run away from."

Run away from? What did that mean?

A flair of power called out to him, the desires of Zelena echoing clean and clear in his mind as the witch turned to him. "Rumple…"

The rest of the command was wordless, but he understood it well enough. Drown the bastard. He didn't have time to be conflicted about it. He didn't have time to think about the great joy and desire he had to kill Hook for everything he'd ever done in his life. Nor did he have time to consider the fact that he didn't want to drown the bastard because he knew in his heart of hearts that as intelligent as Emma was, she would certainly know CPR and her lips on his in an act of salvation or romance was all it would take. He didn't have time to debate. Or think. Or desire. Or fight. Instead, his magic simply swept Hook off his feet and tossed him head-first into a well.

"Hook!" Emma cried, running predictably after him.

She tried. She tried uselessly to pull the pirate out of the water as he struggled, but the command was strong, and there was no way around this one, not on his part. His magic kept him submerged. And struggling.

"Choose wisely!" Zelena taunted.

Foolish girl…Zelena didn't want that power for nothing! If she would just use her damn magic on Zelena instead of giving in to her every wish, they might be able to salvage this! He had his memories back, didn't Belle? Didn't her family? Had they said nothing to her about how to defeat Zelena? Had they not understood the message his addled brain had tried so desperately to leave them with in the castle that day? And Hook...Bae had sent him a message. He couldn't remember what the message said or doing it as he might have been able to before, but had his son said nothing to the pirate about how to stop Zelena?

"Try all you like," Zelena urged as the fight gave out of Hook, and his heart slowed. Fuck. "You can't free him."

Not without a kiss…

Hook's body became still. And although he was dying to see what happened all at the same time, he felt like he couldn't watch the inevitable, Zelena gave him no choice.

Confident that her plan would work, Zelena pulled them both away from the scene of the crime. They reappeared…

In the hospital parking lot?

His head spun as he fought to put two and two together.

"What are we doing here?" he questioned as Zelena got her bearings, arranged herself for a show, and then clutched the knife tighter in her hand, a grip he felt down to his soul.

"The only reason for Emma to finally grow a spine and come to challenge me was if she was desperate and felt she had no choice. Which means…she's about to be a sister."

His heart fell as he realized that was what Zelena was talking about in the barn, that was how she'd known that it was time just by Emma being on her property. Worst of all, for the second time, he couldn't disagree with her reasoning.

With a sneer on her face and the dagger in hand, he watched as Zelena set off confidently toward the entrance to the hospital. He would have been happy to stay behind, but as soon as she got six feet ahead of him, the command in his head was silent but clear.

Follow.

So, he followed. Not because he wanted to but because he didn't have a choice in the matter. And much to his displeasure, before they ever even entered the hospital, he could tell…she was right. They were here.

For one, he knew it because he could feel Regina's magic guarding the place. For another, there were two people standing outside the door as they approached, he hadn't gotten a clear picture of who they were, but the second they spotted the pair of them, he heard Leroy's familiar voice shout "incoming!" before they turned and disappeared inside.

With a wave of her own magic, Zelena opened the doors the dwarves had been guarding. In front of them were men. Four of them, to be precise, one of which was Robin Hood. All of them held crossbows in their hands, aimed right at Zelena as if it would do anything.

"Aim true for Little John!" Robin cried.

With another wave of her dagger hand, the men hit the floor before any could fire a single arrow.

He held his breath as they walked on, silently using his own magic to check their hearts.

Not dead. Just asleep. She hadn't killed anyone. Yet…

But there was always-

They rounded the corner, and his heart stopped. He nearly tripped over his own feet at the sight of Belle standing in the door frame. Alone.

She'd probably come to see what happened or if she could help, and now, she was face to face with Zelena. And he could feel her anger and jealousy toward her through the bond. He didn't think he could breathe…

"Oh! Didn't you learn your lesson the last time?" Zelena asked her as she kept them moving down the hall on their mission. She held the dagger aloft like a prize for Belle to see. "This is more powerful than your True Love!"

"I refuse to believe that!" Belle snarled at her. She didn't back down in the face of danger. It was one of the most attractive and worrying qualities she possessed.

"Belle, go!" he begged. He wished that she would learn to run when she needed to!

"Listen to him, dear," Zelena drawled as she moved to get around her.

"No!" she screamed, cutting her off before she could move forward. "You have put him through enough pain!"

"And I'm not nearly done!" Zelena spat back with venom in her tone.

To his horror, another wave of magic burst free from Zelena. Directed at Belle. She gave a gasp, and he watched in terror as her legs went out from under her, her arms reaching out as if to grab him.

He stepped forward just fast enough to catch her and assess…still breathing. Her heart was still beating.

She was alive.

Thank the gods she was alive!

She was just asleep, just like the others.

"Your taste in women really has gone downhill!" Zelena screamed angrily at him as he worked to lower her to the floor as comfortably as he could.

Funny, after a show like that, he'd never believed that he finally found the right person more.

Fuck he wanted to marry that woman!

If they survived this, it was going to be the first thing he did!

"Leave her, dearie! Chop! Chop!" Zelena called.

He didn't want to, but his legs automatically carried him over her body and onward after Zelena.

Regina. He could hear her up ahead, talking to…Henry.

Oh, of course, Henry had to be in the building too! What was Regina telling him? Something about hiding in a closet…

"You don't want to see this. It won't be pretty."

"Come on, Henry."

And there was Archie.

"No, it won't," Zelena agreed, obviously listening as they rounded the corner. There was Zelena, standing protectively in front of Henry and Archie, who were running in the opposite direction.

"Take another step…and I'll roast you."

"Please…" Zelena droned before using another wave of magic to throw Regina across the room and into the wall behind her as if she was nothing more than a rag doll. She hadn't had time to react as she had at the showdown. And he hadn't had time to protect her either. This time when she was down, she was down. And even more frighteningly, down with her was another protection spell. It wasn't broken, but Regina's power drew from her emotions, her anger most of all. Knocked unconscious as she was, the protection spell was severely weakened, and now Zelena set out to finish off the rest of it by looking at him and ordering, "bring it down."

Easy. It was all just…too damn easy.

He and Zelena crossed the place the barrier had been, and Zelena walked right up to Regina, stood right over her, and looked down at her in a way that made him nearly shiver. He was glad that Regina didn't have her heart in her chest at that moment. If she did, he didn't think Zelena would have been able to resist crushing it.

She looked back at him with a sickening smirk as he carefully extended his magic to read Regina's vital signs. She may not have had her heart, but there was still plenty else that could kill her. Fortunately, she seemed fine. She'd be a bit bruised and have a headache, but other than a bit of a beating, it was nothing serious. Fortunately for Regina, unfortunately for Mary Margaret, Zelena chose that moment to step over her and move on.

He supposed it was also good for him. Zelena moved on, but her command did not. He waited in the hall, planting his feet as she burst through a hall door, making no attempt to hide what she was saying. "What a Charming family. It's a shame I have to break it up."

He felt magic and heard the thud of a body as a baby cried. And part of him stared at Regina on the floor, part of him urged himself to bend over and try to rouse her, to fix this, to stop her sister. But with Emma's magic likely gone, the final piece of Zelena's puzzle falling into place, and Mary Margaret's tearful shrieks of "no" echoing down the hall and reverberating off the heart he didn't know he had…he was no longer sure it would matter.

#rumbelle #rumpelstiltskin #rumple #dark one #mr. gold #belle #emma swan #killian jones #captain hook #zelena #the wicked witch of the west #mary margaret #david nolan #Snow White #prince charming #snowing #regina mills #the evil queen #henry mills #ouat #fanfic #ouat fanfiction

[randomshenaniganery]

Differences in Howl’s Moving Castle book and movie characters

Most of the characters are not themselves anymore

Sophie is not outspoken and she only gets emotionally in like particularly stressful moments. She’s very calm and for some reason is like immediately into Howl lol

Book Sophie although she was very shy and timid when she lost her inhibitions because of the curse she went all the fucking way. Like that one guy I was too shy to talk to I will now scream at because he’s a mess and I’m a mess too. She has no awareness you’d have to hit her with a brick to understand a hint, she has magic and uses it without knowing about it constantly, talks to things to relieve stress

Mikael (i hate the spelling but for some reason its like this???) he’s pretty meh, a child literally. 

Michael Fisher, a love struck hard working stressed out foil of Howl. He’s doing his best okay be careful of the pure bean.

Howl Pendragon/Jenkins this guy is like very chill and dramatic but in a super low key way which is why the hair scene was so weird for me even when I didn’t read the books yet because it just felt out of place. 

Howell Jenkins (howl pendragon) you know from the fucking start that he is THE dramatic hoe and he does not hide it. He never broke character and he never tried to be the cool guy in front of sophie because in a way he was honest about his personality instead of pretending to look better. 

Witch of the waste a standard ghibli villain ngl she turned good? or just old at the end idk

Witch of the waste (book) oh yeah no she died, she’s super smart pretended to be a teacher and all that, gloated about killing someone that the book had introduced earlier, put on red hair after they cursed sophie

Wizard Suliman?? Pentstemon?? they merged suliman and ms pentstemon into one character. I hate it. 

Bejamin Sullivan (wizard Suliman) is pretty strong, a good boi, kinda whipped for lettie but who can blame him? rip he was either a dog or part of a decapitated body for most of the book

Ms Pentstemon Ben’s and Howell’s teacher, the person who revealed sophie had powers lol, also revealed that sophie put a spell on howl’s clothes, she died RIP

The dog he’s just a dog Percival (The dog); Is a mix of the prince of Ingary and Wizard Suliman (also I love how Howl is a fanboy of the arthurian legends he gave himself the last name of king arthur and he named his kid morgan and the dog percival i love this stupid dork) 

Lettie Hatter a blonde in a shop that has like what three minutes or screen time??

Lettie Hatter a talented smart witch with a sharp tongue, long dark hair and very ambitious goes against societal expectations, worries over sophie, technically fell in love with a dog but also a man thats a mix of two different people so there’s that, scams a prince at some point as well

Martha Hatter also smitten but smart about it, strong minded, she sus her own mother, wants to have ten children, worries over sophie, a cinnamon bun yeah no they didn’t include her in the movie

Franny Hatter, was worried about sophie briefly, wore a hat, never appeared again

Franny Hatter, single mom of three, was accused of using sophie for money but never was talked about again, is pretty happy with how things turned out, broke what do i do marry the rich duh

calcifer is pretty much the same but he develops less, may your bacon burn

calcifer arms and a heart seeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, stop bullying me, hint hint he doesnt have a heart, give me food, I hope your bacon burns

The King; war hero, outgoing was like in one scene

The King of Ingary; stressed (tm), has like one daughter being threatened, my brother is missing, my royal wizard is probably dead, the candidate for the next royal wizard is trying to fucking escape, I’m at war with another country, i need sleep

Turnip Head prince; is magic and was cursed got cured by sophie, blonde twink

Prince Justin; part of him was in Percival, part of him was in a decapitated body prepared by the witch, was a simp for Lettie ngl, bromance with Sullivan maybe u v u, brother how dare u let my totally not bf go to the wastes im LEAVINg

Turnip head scarecrow; was a spell from Benjamin, is absolutely terrifying, has strong magicks, was an antagonist for a bit, gave sophie a turn, absorbed a skull and started talking, hardcore af

#howl's moving castle #howl's moving castle book #studio ghibli #howl pendragon #howell jenkins #howl jenkins #sophie hatter #michael fisher #percival #wizard suliman #benjamin sullivan #lettie hatter #martha hatter #prince justin #ingary

[ficforce]

Making Friends

Benimaru x Pregnant Reader SFW

“Oi!” Benimaru shoved the papers he had been holding onto one of the builder’s he was speaking with and rushed to Y/N’s side, “What have told you about carrying stuff…” He took the box from her, further annoyed that it weighed more than a feather, and took it to the corner with everything else. The boxes were care packages for people who had just been made temporarily homeless, they could come an collect them but Y/N was just trying to help out as much as she could – she was going mad just sitting around waiting. Arthur and Hinawa walked into the Guardhouse and the blonde pointed at Y/N whilst turning his head to his Lieutenant, “He’s not got bad aim, he’s just protecting his Queen.” The young man was oblivious to the glare he received from Hinawa even as he pushed Arthur’s pointing finger down. It was obvious to Arthur, even in his skewered perception of reality, that Captain Shinmon, standing so close to the woman and with his hand laid protectively over her large stomach, was so mean because he was protecting his family. They had broken into his castle just before an Infernal appeared and he was aggressive because of his Queen’s condition. Y/N looked at Arthur with a tilt of her head and placed her hand on the middle of Benimaru’s back as she felt his body temperature rise, “He really does have bad aim.” “Y/N!”

“He called me a Queen, Beni, I can’t get mad at that.” Although it was an odd thing to say and Arthur seemed to exude stupidity, Y/N couldn’t help but be flattered. He could have called her a scullery maid or a witch if he’d wanted to. “You should be resting,” he murmured to her and gently nudged her back toward their room, Benimaru paused and turned sharply on his heel, his red eyes lit as he saw Arthur with his plasma sword out, the blue flame making the air crackle around it. The Captain shielded Y/N behind him, “The hell…!” Hinawa let out a sigh and walked out of the Guardhouse, he wasn’t staying for this, he could only take so much before the urge to shoot someone was too strong. He wasn’t there as Arthur got down on one knee and pledged to protect the ‘Fair Queen and the Heir to the Castle’, he also wasn’t there to see Benimaru be lead away like a confused, aggressive pup. He didn’t know whether to be pleased or worried about the pledge. Once they reached their room Y/N was giggling into his shoulder, he really didn’t know how to react to Arthur and he supposed as long as he kept the oddball away from her then all would be fine. “Did you see the guy with glasses? He looked like he was gonna murder the poor kid!” Benimaru ruffled his hair and let out a frustrated click of his tongue, “Beni, lighten up a little – they seem nice.” The last few months he had been more protective than usual, she figured he was anxious for the birth of their child and felt helpless that he couldn’t do more. He wouldn’t let her lift or carry, he didn’t like her going far from home and never alone, every ache she had he would worry over and there were times he downright wouldn’t let anyone within arm’s reach. The twins were careful around her, they were boisterous but they knew she was due any day now. Konro was taking her out of the house to give her a little space as he was the only person Benimaru seemed to trust entirely with her. It would have been sweet if she wasn’t anxious too… “Beni,” Y/N took his hands and place them palm down on her belly, it was almost an instantaneous reaction of their baby to press a foot against the light pressure of his hands, they had a theory that they were reacting to the Captain’s unique heat signature, “Baby is fine. I’m fine.” Her hands cupped his face whilst he remained distracted by the bump, “I’m really nervous too and I need distractions or else I’m going to go mad – Now, calm down and help out with the building works whilst I help Konro out.” “I’ll do it,” Benimaru mumbled and a second later he looked up at her annoyed expression, “Not because I don’t want you to but I need to talk to him.” His thumbs stroked over her and he smiled when he felt movement under his hands, “Why don’t you help out with ordering materials? You’re good at admin and we’ll need to order more stuff after today.” Pressing a kiss on her forehead they both headed out. — - “When are you due?” Maki asked excitedly as she approached the little table and chair set up for Y/N to work at, Tamaki peeked from around the older woman and looked just as excited by the prospect of babies. Y/N smiled at them both and placed her pen down, “Any day now.” “Really?!” Tamaki covered her mouth and spoke a little quieter this time around, “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl yet?” “No idea. Benimaru is hoping for a girl and I kinda want a boy – as long as they’re healthy, right?” Maki nodded, “Are you excited?” She nodded her head as she unconsciously stroked her stomach, “I’m kinda scared too.” The women from the 8th were nice and Y/N fell into conversation with them easily, Maki got all gooey over her story about finding out she was pregnant and Tamaki had that fascination in her eyes that young girls had when love and babies came up. After half an hour Konro and Benimaru came back from checking out the damage from Block three, Benimaru’s direction began to alter toward the three women but he was cut up by Hinata and Hikage rushing past him to grab onto both his and Konro’s pants to drag them toward a different problem in Town.

Y/N hid her smile and silently thanked the twins for saving her from interruption. Benimaru sighed loudly, he could see that Y/N was enjoying the attention and he didn’t sense any malice from Maki or Tamaki, he supposed he could let them be for now.  — - Y/N let out a terrified cry as she saw the scaffolding fail and begin to buckle and collapse, the heavy bamboo rods hurtled down toward her and she couldn’t move fast enough to avoid them, instead she crouched low and wrapped her arms around herself – her only concern was to protect her unborn child. There was a loud crash all around her and dust was kicked up from the street, after a moment of feeling nothing Y/N took a deep breath and raised her head. “You okay?” Obi’s arms shook a little as he gathered the strength to throw the scaffolding he had caught to the side, builders came rushing over to help clear the debris and two of them helped Y/N to her feet, “Get her home, I’ll help out here.” “Y/N!” “Y/N!!” The twins ran toward the woman and Hinata began crying as she hung off of Y/N, they had witnessed the accident and had been scared for her, “Is the baby okay?! Y/N, are you hurt?!” Big, watery, amber eyes looked up at her but Y/N was still too shocked to reply. Shinra seemed to come out of nowhere and coax the girls away from her, promising to give them candy and play. He seemed to be good with children and was able to tell them that it was important that Y/N get checked over - they were reluctant but let her go. When she got inside, Benimaru was halfway out the door after hearing what had happened and as soon as he saw her he wrapped his arms around her tightly, “Y/N…” He could feel her shaking in his hold so he put his arm around her waist and held her hand in his free hand, “Konro, call the doctor.” “No,” Y/N murmured and reached out to catch the Lieutenant’s arm, “I’m fine, really. I was just… it surprised me. I… I was… 8th Captain was there so -I…” Her voice became weaker and weaker before cracking, Y/N’s throat seemed to close up and tears began to slip down her cheeks. Benimaru took her to their room and helped her down onto the futon, pulling her close he began to run his fingers soothingly over her scalp to calm her. She wasn’t usually one to cry easily but the hormones during her pregnancy had her emotional over every little thing. Konro came in with a glass of water and handed it to her, he wiped her tears away and gave Benimaru a look to say he’d deal with the trouble outside. His eyes closed and he let out a deep breath, he was full of tension and just as shaken to hear what had happened, he shouldn’t have left her out there alone, Benimaru knew that agonising over it wouldn’t help her calm down and continued trying to force himself to relax - she had always been good at picking up his moods and his fear would only feed hers. “Nearly fucking died when I heard…” “Don’t s-swear in front of the baby!” Her voice was still small but he felt her pinch his arm when she warned him about his language. Benimaru stayed with her for a long while until she fell asleep, it had been a shock to her system and he knew she was tired already so Benimaru made sure she was well and truly out before moving to the next room to help Konro with his treatment. He had been about to start before he got the news about the accident… he hated to admit it but he was thankful Company 8 had come.  — - It was pretty impressive how Benimaru was able to stand after taking out a demon only a few hours before. “Going back to Company 8? Thanks for all your help.” Obi and his team turned to face the other, they had been going to leave quietly to let everyone get on with repairs and healing, “That’s all right… It’s possible we started all this by coming here.” “Maybe so, but we still had the Evangelist’s cronies lurking in our streets. It could be they’re the ones who were causing all the ‘spontaneous’ human combustion we’ve been dealing with,” Benimaru seemed calm on the outside but there was a sort of excitement buzzing around him that was putting Company 8 at unease, “And

now we’ve managed to stop it. Konro, bring it here.” Konro nodded and left his side quickly. The Captain of the 8th shifted onto his other foot, worried he was about to end up in another fight with the other - He still hurt from the night before. “Bring what?” “I don’t like the Empire’s Fire Force toadies but I like Company 8.” Konro returned with the bottle of Sake and the Captains exchanged sake cups to mark their new friendship, a few seconds later Benimaru’s face lit up in a smile and his Lieutenant explained the situation with Benimaru’s smile and sake. There was a commotion at the Guardhouse door as the Townspeople began to gather, they had come because they had heard the news and all of a sudden Arthur pulled out his plasma sword. Anyone near him jerked back but the blonde didn’t care as he swore his allegiance to Asakusa’s Queen and the new heir. At first, the rest of his Company were confused and Shinra moved to hit him in the head for scaring everyone but then he realised that Y/N had come in whilst they had been talking - a tiny baby bundled in her arms. “It’s good to know a Knight is looking out for her,” an excited squeal escaped Maki and she began to bounce excitedly with Tamaki. Y/N grinned at them proudly and let Benimaru take his daughter, the baby fit him perfectly, cradled in his arm like she belonged there and Y/N saw his smile become gentler and more genuine. During the night she had gone into labour, it had been frightening to not have her family there but the midwife had looked after her, there had been several Hikeshi who stood outside the room to ensure she was safe from the fighting and confusion. Benimaru had made it for the last ten minutes of delivery and blamed his tears on being overheated rather than admit he was overwhelmed with happiness when he held his newborn daughter. “Heroes are better than Knights!” She smiled as Arthur and Shinra began to argue over who would be the better protector, out of the corner of her eye Y/N saw the tremble in her lover’s body as their little girl reached out to grab his fingers and she just knew that no one would protect their family better than Benimaru.

#shinmon Benimaru #reader #enen no shouboutai #fire force #enn enn no shouboutai #garth ennis

[gofancyninjaworld]

OPM Manga Chapter 147 Review:  Toxic

Story: Preview to a catastrophe

I’m going to do something a little unusual.  Rather than give a summary of what happened, I’m going to save everything else that happens that for the meta and focus the story itself on just one thing.  Garou’s return.

For a guy of many many words, Garou here is wordless, a creature of instinct, rage, and an unstoppable desire to put down any hero he encounters. Social niceties be damned.

no, Fubuki, you don’t belong in this battle

Bomb realises very quickly that this isn’t going to be a fight that he can afford to not engage fully with.  He wastes no time unleashing his trademark long-range offensive move, although he’s no slouch in close- up fighting either.  I love how the panel below superimposes several snapshots in time in a single image, as if the cameraman hasn’t enough time to separate the action into individual frames. It sells the speed and fury of the fight better than many blurry images.  Also Murata is flexing on us with regards to his portrayal of fight choreography, he’s allowed. :)

For his own part, Garou flows effortlessly from conventional to unconventional in his fighting, bending improbably out of the way one moment, parrying in an orthodox manner the next.  Eventually the seeming balance between the two breaks inexorably in Garou’s favour, leaving Bomb marvelling at the former’s incredible evolution.

Nothing for it, there’s no choice but to kill Garou if possible. Bomb hides a hand behind his back as he readies his iron-cutting fist one last time.  It’s unfortunate that Garou has long since intuited how to do the same when he faced off against the Monster King, half a day ago ( I know, it’s been years for us), and does exactly the same, matching up timing and intensity perfectly with Bomb’s, thus cancelling it out.

Bang finally catches up to where the two are fighting to find his elder brother defeated.

Just as at the end of chapter 83, master and disciple face off.  But the atmosphere between the two could not be more different, and the stakes are about as high as they could possibly get.

What new awakening will come from the next fight?  Portents are dire.

Meta: Elsewhere

What doesn’t kill me has made a tactical mistake

For a story whose big schtick is that surviving what should have killed one makes one stronger,  it’s surprising the amount and variety of mileage it gets out of that idea.

Making light of the idea, we have Genos literally rocketing back to his feet and casually dusting himself off after being smashed into a hole in the ground by Black Sperm.  After being thrown into or through so many bits of masonry and earth, getting up with elan is nothing to him.  Damn, he’s become tough! Awesome.

On the opposite side, making dark of the idea, we have Fuhrer Ugly, whose strength of hatred and rage is such that he keeps continuously reforming despite being continually digested by Gums’ digestive fluids... and has turned that into a new ability, able to melt anyone who touches him, kill with his spit, and reform after being cut.  Terrifying.

And on the other other side, a perfect hypotenuse of awesome and terrifying, we have Garou.  He has disinterred himself from the remains of the Monster Association base and while apparently fighting more by instinct than reason, his moves reprise everything he’s learned to date through his life-and-death fights with incredible fluency.

And of course, there’s Tank Top Master whose tank top seems to have magically preserved his life.  I wonder what Fubuki has in mind for Pig God to do to help her help Tank Top Master.

Anyway, talking about serious injury...

Let’s talk about gore, baby

I’ve said before that I’m tired of all injuries accruing to either Genos or Zombieman and wanted some flesh-and-blood to be mangled.  I don’t take that back: share the pain, baby!

But even for my evil heart, hoo, the brutal suddenness with which Fuhrer Ugly ended Zambai’s life was yikes!  Heroes may never die, but those next to them have no such protection.  I’m sorry man.  You paid the highest price for supporting a hero.

Heroes may never die but that doesn’t mean they can’t suffer horribly.  If Tank Top Master being turned into a human patty wasn’t grisly enough, finding out that SuperAlloy’s famously resistant shine isn’t chemically resistant is enough to give one a shudder of horror/disgust:  his hands have been defleshed down to tendon and bone.

Never mind fear; it’s going to be a while before  SuperAlloy *can* fight at all. And with his chest being burned as well, I think that he will be lucky not to come away with disfiguring scars.  He might start wearing a shirt after this...

  ONE, have some mercy for your heroes or half of them will never work again. But not too much mercy, they’ve had it too easy for too long.

There’s more to help than rescue

If you’d told me that this day would see Genos earning the trust and respect of the heroes he has called the bitch and the witch respectively, and that feeling would be mutual, I’d have told you to stop fantasising.   I’ve spent enough words talking about the unexpected compassion he showed to Fubuki when the latter was beside herself with worry for her sister.

Tatsumaki has internalised the advice Blast gave her so thoroughly that she’s come to think herself as being beyond help.  But there’s more to help than haplessly accepting rescue.   Help can also be someone intervening only when you most need it, respecting that you can generally take care of yourself.  Help can be sharing the burden, enabling you to achieve more, more easily.  Help can be having your back so you can fight without fear of ambush.  All of these forms of help Genos has provided to Tatsumaki from the moment the battle pitched high into the sky.  And she’s had his back too.  Seeing her consciously acknowledge that and lean into it was an amazing gift I didn’t know I needed. 

from allies in name only to comrades-in-arms, what a fearsome pair!  Gambatte!

Of course it can get worse

The heroes’ situation seems to be getting worse and worse.  Their number is being whittled down to size: Tank Top Master is out for the count, Bang is tied up, Superalloy Darkshine is maimed, Atomic is out of his main weapon, Child Emperor is lost somewhere and Puri Puri is looking for him, Zombieman and Amai Mask are still pulling themselves together, and Tatsumaki and Genos are standing more by spite than strength. 

On the other hand, the monsters aren’t out of monster by any means.  There’s still lots of Black Sperm, Evil Natural Water is surely sloshing around somewhere,  Vomited Furher Ugly is a pungent threat, and Homeless Emperor is watching proceedings with an amused eye.  I called the monsters the sundew monsters for a reason -- they waste heroes by outlasting their efforts.

The standing heroes are going to need respite, or a diversion, or reinforcements pretty soon or they’re going to all die for real.   Preferably all three.  We’ll take two out of three.

Further notes:  The Cyborg is Listening

The first thing Kuseno says to Genos when the latter comes back after a bruising encounter with a monster is ‘are you alright?’  That we know.  The second thing has to be ‘did you bring me good data?’  Everything that happens to Genos, everything he touches, everything he sees, everything he hears, all that information is recorded for later recall and distillation into useable data.   We’ve been admiring how capable and tough this new upgrade has proven to be.  It’s all hard-won insights, built one on the other.    Does that mean I’m discounting what Genos does?  Hell no.  It’s his extreme courage and willingness to step into the most hopeless situations that has enabled this valuable data to be gathered in the first place.  And it’s his using these wonderful upgrades to push as hard as he can despite the risk that makes it worth Kuseno’s while to stay up late to craft them.  Now I’m super-interested in finding out what new insights the pair will glean from today’s fighting.

...polite engineer for ‘fuck you’

Sure, like many serious things in One-Punch Man, it initially appears as a gag,  but if you’ve not been paying attention to date, hear this: good data is like gold dust in this world.   And people will kill for it.   As we watch the dissipating contrails where Drive Knight was as he carries his precious samples home, don’t way you weren’t warned.

#OPM #manga #review #Garou #but not as we know him #the free fight between hero and monster gets ever more intense #despite their cooperation and numbers the heroes are getting the worst of it #this is a fight where everything changes panel to panel on all fronts

[ryuichirou]

Lord God Savior of All Ryu, I ask for but one noble request. lol i just wanna see all your AUs. Like, I always here about them in replies and stuff but I've almost never seen what they actually look like. So if you could just tag pics of them or doodle (they can be super bad 30 sec doodles too, it don't matter to me) them, I would be the happiest, most joyful little shit ever.

Anon!! Thank you for being so interested in our AUs and wanting to learn more about them. It was a very good excuse for us to go through the list of the AUs, doodle them, revisit some of the older ones, etc. So yeah, your wish is granted lol

Here’s the majority of them, we decided not to include those that we’ve barely talked about and thought out... I’ve put tags for those AUs where we have at least something posted. Most of them are something we haven’t even talked about at all and they don’t have a single sketch, but I liked drawing chibis for them way too much. Sorry, I used your ask lol

We have a general tag for our aus and specific ones for some of them, but sometimes an au from here is not tagged separately, so you might have to use this general tag...I tried to fix it, I don’t think I missed anything, so it should be ok now! ;w;

1. Space AU. It’s a story about a space expedition.. which turned out to be not exactly what everyone planned thanks to Erwin. What a commander! 

2. Tribal AU. It’s a story about Eren becoming a part of the tribe where Erwin and Levi live. 

3. Babysitter AU. Levi is a babysitter to Eren and Zeke, unfortunately for Zeke, who’s 17 and not exactly thrilled about being babied. Sometimes there’s kid Erwin too. We’ve never posted anything related to this AU, I think, and I don’t think we will. There’s another AU related to this one, but 19yo Eren from the paths (he has the memory of the manga events) keeps kid Eren company as an invisible ghost, while others think that kid Eren is cursed or something.

4. SnK AU. A classical one, where Eren has dreams about the plot of SnK, but when the story stops progressing, he decides to kidnap Levi to make the plot go on. Erwin finds out later... and keeps Levi in the basement because he wants to know the ending too lmao plus it’s hot.

5. Mines AU. Erwin gathered a team for his wonderful plan to find a treasure, but it’s not like the rest of the team needs to know where they’re really going. Zeke’s particularly terrified to find that out. Despite its name, they spend the majority of time in the forest. Also, there’s a timeskip of 11 years. 

6. AU with Neetwin who’s a history teacher. We don’t tag this one though, it’s not like it’s our AU. So now it’s a Neetwin tag, although one of the drawings is with adult Levi... eh, who cares. 

7. CC AU (cleaning company). Levi works in a cleaning company and cleans up Neetwin and hobo Eren’s apts. They need a lot of work. Yes, they make their apts even dirtier to make Levi spend more time there. 

8. Prison AU. Damn this one is good... we came up with it before reading the timeskip in the manga, so Eren’s appearance doesn’t really match his age, he’s 17 lol Levi is a mafia member who goes to prison because he need to kill one of the inmates (who later became Zeke) on Erwin’s (Levi’s boss) request. Eren’s his personal guard, although Eren works as a regular guard too.

9. King Kong AU. It’s an AU where the Beast Titan is King Kong lmao Zeke is having fun killing dinosaurs... Levi, not so much. Thank Erwin for his wonderful plan of going to this island.

10. Rus AU, basically just characters living in Russia. Because ofc we will have this type of a setting... Damn, I thought we drew this one more often, huh. 

11. Sea AU. Mainly our modern AU, we use it as a base for other modern stuff for the most part. Levi’s getting two boifrond rings, he lives with Erwin, Eren visits them often, Zeke bitches a lot, fun times with and without Zeke, stuff like that. There’s also a subplot (11.5) where Eren gets “kidnapped” by a witch, so Zevi have to find him and bring him back. Titans exist in this AU, Eren and Zeke are titans, and all of them have military training, but Erwin and Levi retired some time ago. We don’t have a tag for just a modern setting, though. 

12. Cult AU. Eren lives on a farm and has a whole village of his followers. He also has cursed animals... and I think we’ve told about some of the plot points in replies. Erwin’s really into all this cult stuff because it affects reality for real, so he asks Levi to follow rituals, although Levi came to ask Eren to go back to normal life and finish the fucking school. 

13. Serial killer AU. Eren’s a serial killer, duh. Never posted anything with this one, unfortunately, but Eren got disappointed in the police when he was a child, so he decided to fix the situation himself, while Erwin and Levi, as a part of a special department, investigate his “fixing”. It also has a time skip. I really need to redraw at least one sketch...

14. Hospital AU. Levi gets into Marley trying to make Eren go back, but it’s not that simple because Eren doesn’t want to lol Basically canonverse with this small change.

15. Hobo AU. Eren and Levi are hobos, Zeke wants his brother to stop living under a fucking bridge. Later Erwin takes both of them under his roof because he really likes Levi, but he can’t leave Eren alone.

16. Doggies AU. AU where Eren’s a wolf and Erwin’s a doggo. Levi got Erwin because he was a retiring trained dog and sniffed enough drugs in his life, and Eren... his “owner” found him on the streets and lied to Levi about Eren being a dog. Later Eren turned into a magnificent beast and now he doesn’t want to leave. There’s also Zeke, but he belongs to Xavier. 

17. AU where Eren wants to become a mangaka. The first post is self-explanatory, although I’d probably make some changes now if I cared enough. There’s also a time skip where Eren ditched his manga and became hobo!Eren. His editor was pissed lol 

18. Scolopendra Eren AU. You know the drill, and I’ve talked about the plot in some of the replies. 

This post doesn’t show up on the tag for some reason.

19. Ghost Eren AU. I should’ve named it combini AU... Anyway, I’ve talked about this one a lot, although poor Erwin gets neglected a little bit lol it’s hard to compete with a ghost when you’re just a mere stalker... but a very invested one. Eren likes Erwin here, they’re vibing on the same malicious-towards-Levi wave. 

20. Shark Eren AU. It’s just for us for funs, Eren’s a shark, and Levi’s there to help him fight depression. Eren later escapes into the sea.

21. Midsommar AU. Levi and Erwin get an invite to go to the village from Yelena, Eren’s a part of a cult who is kinda attracted to one of the newcomers... Such a good movie, we need to draw them properly. Both Yeagerists and Eldians are a part of the cult, they don’t have any specific rules by which I categorised them... Although not all characters are present, and some of them (Jean, I think) are newcomers who will join the cult later. Sorry, I don’t remember much. 

22. Silent Hill AU. It started with Erwin peeking into Levi’s apartment, but now there’s Eren too... We haven’t thought out this one, I’m bad with Silent Hill AUs for some reason. 

23. House Eren AU. Eren’s a house, and we’ve explained how it works too, so just check out the tag. Levi actually lives there with Erwin, but I don’t remember if we’ve mentioned it or decided to skip this info. 

24. Eren pack AU. It’s an AU where Erens of all ages (6 of them, I believe) are a little bit feral, and they have wolf ears and tails, and they live in a specific place and Levi visits them every day and takes care of them. They love Levi. Here’s the only post that survived, and here’s a link for a twitter post which I never got back on tumblr after it got deleted. 

25. Trailer AU. The story is about Levi who has to live with Zeke for a month as his slave because Erwin lost him in a game of cards lol To be fair, Erwin lost a lot of money and their whole flat, and Zeke gave them a choice between that and Levi (he’s horny ok), and Levi agreed. Zeke even put Levi on a chain, although Levi doesn’t even try to escape...

26. Flower shop AU. Eren’s a plant, and he brings death to the whole planet. He keeps Levi alive though, as a treat for himself. We’ve explained some of the stuff in the replies. 

27. Blair Witch AU. It’s pretty much explained in this post, and if you saw the movie, there’s nothing for me to tell you. Everything that’s different from it is in the post lol 

28. Corpse AU. Eren’s a corpse, Levi’s a pathologist who works on difficult and mysterious cases alongside the police. Eren later comes to life along with a couple of other bodies...

29. Antichrist AU. Zevi adopt baby Eren, but Eren’s a fucking satan. He loves Levi, but Zeke... not so much. Zeke loves Eren to death, though. Eren would love to organise that, but first he needs to grow up a little bit. It doesn’t mean that he won’t torture his parents during his journey. And everyone else who interact with them.

30. This one doesn’t have a title, but it’s an AU where kid Eren went missing, and Levi goes into the forest to find him. Levi owns Erwin who’s a good doggo and helps him find Eren. It turns out Eren killed two adult dudes, and he has paths!Eren telling him what to do and how to do it... Paths!Eren has the memory of the canonverse.

31. Zombie apocalypse AU. There’s only one drawing with it though, but basically Levi builds himself a wonderful place to survive the apocalypse, and he keeps Zombie Erwin in the basement in hopes of Hange finding a cure. Then Eren joins just because he can and because Levi’s very awesome. Eren has a boner for the apocalypse and enjoys every second of it. 

32. No title, but Eren was casted away from the canon universe for the rumbling, and now he’s a mythological giant wolf who lives in a deep very old forest. He was very surprised to find out Levi exists in this universe... So he kidnapped him ❤️

33. Halloween AU. You’ve seen this one, it’s a story where Jean, Connie, Sasha and Eren get into the wrong house and find a ritual instead of a Halloween party... So after saving the child who, as it turns out, is not really a victim, they decide to ditch him at Eruri’s place.

34. Okusan AU. Levi’s a housewife, Erwin is a cuckold who’s really into adultery. He invites both Zeke and Eren from time to time to act as Levi’s husbands, and they (Levi and Erwin) almost get caught because the “husband” suddenly came home... Sorry, we’ve read too many doujinshis lol

35. Island AU. Erwin loves sending Levi to dangerous places to get souvenirs for himself, and now it’s time for Levi to get a crystal from a very isolated island full of strict rules in terms of interacting with outsiders. We have a cool idea for a two part drawing (like with our flower shop au), but it’ll take us ages to complete anything at this rate... I have like two sketches on Patreon for now, but damn this AU has so many cool visuals we wanna draw... It’s another cult AU with people living on Paradis (more like one village in the middle of the island), isolated from the rest of the world. They don’t welcome strangers, and Levi has three months to find and steal that crystal, although it’s not that simple.

36. Erewan. Not exactly a full AU, but Erewan’s a cursed animal plushie who kills people and loves Levi a lot. 

37. Cat AU. Everyone’s a cat (duh). Not really our AU, but it has its own tag, and it’s only asks. 

38. Tiny founder Eren AU?? Again, not really our AU, but now it has its own tag. 

I’ve also found the reply where I talk about how characters’ relationships work in some of the AUs, you can check it out too. I thought it was fitting for a master post. 

#replies #our aus #ghost!eren au #scolopendra!eren au #zombie apocalypse au #halloween au #sea au #babysitter au #erewan #neetwin #tiny founder #cat au #serial killer au #blair witch au #space au #tribal au #mines au #cc au #rus au #cult au #mangaka!eren au #doggies AU #midsommar au #flower shop au #antichrist au #silent hill au #trailer au #house!eren au #eren pack au #island au

[ladykissingfish]

Halloween with the Akatsuki

Konan

Dress-up isn’t really for her, and neither is going out to join in any festivities. She prefers to go the homemade treats and scary movie route, staying either by herself or with her fellow Akatsuki members who think the same way. She’s the one who will decorate the house (often with Tobi’s help) with orange and purple lights, hanging ghosts and witches, and an entirely too-real-looking scarecrow. Might decide to wear some spooky-printed pajamas and/or a matching robe. Also makes herself of use to anyone who’s dressing up and needs help applying face paint or makeup. She also stays up the latest to ensure that those who do go out make it home safe and sound, although she doesn’t tell anyone that this is why she’s still awake.

Deidara and Hidan:

Normally these two don’t get along (to put it mildly) and avoid each other like the plague. However, on Halloween, it’s a different story. These two are the youngest in the Akatsuki and therefore much more into the “holiday spirit” than the others. They’ll help each other with costumes (Hidan figures that his normal getup/ritual black and white paint is scary enough, and Deidara will dress as a literal “bang”; bright, flashy clothing ((definitely with a cape)) with small handmade explosives set to go off at regular intervals). Deidara will likely be made to take Tobi trick or treating during the early hours of the evening, and Hidan will tag along; not because he likes candy but because he figures the sugar will give him a needed boost of energy for the rest of the evening. Once Deidara finishes with Tobi, he and Hidan will set out for some greater fun. Haunted houses are their favorite; they can separate themselves from the crowd and hide within the exhibits, to scare the bejesus out of everyone else. Deidara can throw as many bombs as he wants ((and at point-blank range)), and Hidan can lure countless unsuspecting sacrifices people into the darkness; and the best part of it? Everyone thinks it’s just part of the show. It’s only when the others realize that the “fake blood” and “fake dead bodies” aren’t so fake that they decide to dip out. Likely to end the night sneaking Kakuzu’s sake from his room, getting completely shit-faced, eating ALL of Tobi’s candy (which he’ll cry about to no end in the morning), then passing out face-down on the floor. Will have to be dragged to their own rooms by Sasori and Kakuzu, and in the morning Kakuzu will be as loud as humanly possible to punish the two hungover idiots for stealing his alcohol.

Tobi

A holiday whose sole purpose is to get as much free candy as possible? Sign. Him. The FUCK. Up. He doesn’t really bother with much of a costume (after all he’s already wearing a mask that greatly resembles a lollipop) but might adorn it with a set of cat ears and tail. He’ll beg his senpai to take him trick or treating (which will be refused at first because “You’re a grown man for fuck’s sake, hm!”, but then Pein and Konan will use some “gentle persuasion” on the blonde until Tobi’s wish is granted). He’s thorough with it; he’s had Zetsu infiltrate houses for weeks beforehand to find out who has what candy, so he knows the best route to take. When he’s done (or rather when Deidara’s patience has run out) he’ll go back to the hideout and start eating his hard-earned treats. But not too much; because Konan is also making pumpkin and ghost shaped cookies and green-dyed hot chocolate. Will end the night watching scary movies (during which he’ll hide behind a pillow) with Konan and Kakuzu (Kakuzu insists the movies are boring but for some reason he has yet to leave the room). Sometimes accidentally slips into Obito voice when talking about how much he “gets” Michael Myers. 9/10 will fall asleep and be covered with a blanket to stay on the couch. Also 9/10 will wake up to find his candy gone because of senpai and the jerk Hidan, and will sob about it until Deidara caves and goes out and buys him several bagfuls of (now conveniently discounted) Halloween candy.

Kakuzu

Likes to answer the door for trick or treaters, but instead of candy he’ll give out what he feels is “more helpful”. Like, pamphlets on how to start a 401k, or advice on what stocks are a good investment, or tips how to save the most when shopping at the grocery store. Most children are unappreciative of the old grouch’s “treats”, however, and the Akatsuki house always ends up heavily egged and TP’d. But hey ... that means free eggs ((the ones that aren’t too damaged, anyway)) and free toilet paper: win-win. When not answering the door, he joins some of the others in their “scary” movie fest. Not because he thinks the flicks are in anyway scary ((to him they seem more like comedies)) but he likes to analyze the actions of the main characters to see how and where they went wrong; good practice for future missions.

Pein

Thinks the “holiday” is utterly pointless, but gives his blessing for the others to indulge in in however they see fit.

Zetsu

This is the night of the year that Zetsu brings in the most revenue to the Akatsuki. He scopes out what places are having costume contests with cash prizes, and he enters, and literally always wins first place. Nobody can figure out how he “made” a costume so wonderfully realistic, with the unique dual skin-tone and the lush foliage. This is also a good time for him to indulge in sweet treats ... and NOT the candy kind. Lots of dumb teenagers like to wander out to the woods and have Halloween parties; their exuberance and intoxication lets them see Zetsu as just another guy with an awesome get-up. Getting one or two or ten of them away from the group is child’s play, and devouring them? Easier than taking candy from a Tobi. Sometimes will take a severed hand or foot and enter ANOTHER contest as a carnivorous Venus fly trap.

Itachi and Kisame

Neither of these two like to go out, so they spend time at the house together. Kisame goes out the day before and raids a pumpkin patch, and the two spend a good part of Halloween evening expressing their “artistic” sides on different jack-o-lanterns ((which will be mercilessly criticized by Deidara)). Kisame’s masterpiece is Samehada at his strongest and Itachi’s is the portrait of who he SAYS is himself as a younger man ((but is clearly that little brother of his)). Kisame is not a fan of candy, but Itachi is, so Tobi will bring him a large handful of his own to share. They will abandon their customary tea and biscuits for warm apple cider and whatever confectionary delight Konan is making. Might also join the others for scary movies at some point. Most Halloween’s end up with Deidara and Hidan coming back to the house very late, drinking too much, and falling asleep. This might be the ONLY time Itachi ever initiates an act of aggression against them, as he takes advantage of their out-of-it states to put each of their hands in a cup of warm water ((a trick he learned from Hidan himself)) and letting nature (and overfilled bladders) take its course. Kisame sees him doing this and laughs himself sick; it always amuses him when he sees his partner drop his ultra-serious nature and let loose like a normal young person.

Sasori

It’s always been said of Halloween for sweet-consumers to be aware of what they’re eating, as many unscrupulous people out there can hide poison in the candy. Sasori is that person who parents warn their kids about. However, Sasori doesn’t direct his malice towards children; rather, adults. He concocts a variety of poisons, sleeping agents and other horrors, laces candy or apples with it, and has his secret subordinates in other villages pass them out to pre-selected individuals ((usually people that the redhead has some sort of grudge against)). Sasori keeps careful track of his lab rats by sending small, drone-like puppets out to observe them, and record their reactions from time of consumption to whatever end comes for them. This research greatly helps him in terms of future poison preparations. If particularly bored, he’ll dress up some of his larger puppets in terrifying attire, and send them out in the darkness to stalk and frighten the life out of young trick-or-treaters. He’s likely to join some of the others who watch movies, or, if he’s in time to catch Deidara after the blonde passes out from his night of fun, he’ll take a marker and write “Art is Eternal” across his face ... in multiple languages.

#the akatsuki #halloween #konan #deidara #hidan #tobi #kakuzu #pein #zetsu #itachi #kisame #sasori #headcannons

[khaleesiofalicante]

Ok imma be honest, this chapter moved me to tears and not the sad sobbing but the more inspiring kind. This chapter means the world.

She had told them her dreams were about ducks – since there were the only equally horrible thing she could think of.

Uncle Magnus had given her an odd look then, as if he knew she was bullshitting them. But he hadn’t said anything.

DUCKS AREN'T THAT BAD! HAVE Y'ALL EVER BEEN CHASED BY A GOAT?? I WAS CONVINCED I WAS GONNA DIE

Lexi would be royally pissed if this turned out to be some stupid pointless dream.

YUP

Even though she was only 7 minutes older than Lexi, Selena always acted like she was 7 years older.

That's so cute though

People looked at her pastel-coloured aesthetic immediately assumed she was the soft and sweet Fairchild twin. People saw Selena in her red leather jacket and thigh high boots and assumed she was in the infamous troublesome Herondale twin.

SMH THE DAMN STEREOTYPES

Why Selena hadn’t killed her in her sleep yet, Lexi doesn’t know.

BYE THAT'S EVERY SIBLING RELATIONSHIP EVER

The meals at the Academy were to die for – quite literally. Last week two students from the warlock fraction had almost killed each other over a blueberry muffin.

Oh how times change...they will never know the dreaded soup

NO ANJALI HAS BEEN GONE FOR OVER A YEAR???

IS JAIME OK?? PLEASE BE OK! HE CAN LIVE WITH TREATMENT SO I REALLY HOPE HE'S OK

Selena’s was Idris of course. She was kind of obsessed with it.

Max loved the shadow markets. Lexi thought they were very cool too.

Rafael loved his father’s office – which was weird. There was nothing to do in that room other than ponder about shadow world problems. Besides, the place still weirdly smelled like the tangerine perfume Anjali wore, even though the girl had left New York almost a year ago.

David loved the New York Institute – especially the library.

Gigi of course loved the dining halls.

Dining halls, kitchens, food trucks, vending machines - if a place had food with it, Gigi loved it.

It's so amazing how they all have their favorite places...(same David same)

“You’re supposed to pour the syrup on the pancakes not into your mouth,” Lexi chuckled as she sat down next to her.

“It ends up in my mouth anyway,” Gigi shrugged.

True enough.

AWW ROMAN MAKING GIGI PLAYLISTS!!

Someone make me a playlist.

“His parents fell in love in Rome when they were in Rome,” Gigi pointed out even though Lexi already knew. “I think it’s actually romantic.”

I had forgotten that-

Roman was nice. But not nice enough for Georgia. Lexi didn’t think there was anyone good enough for her parabatai – who was the most perfect person in the world.

Me @ anyone who tries to make a move at my best friend.

AWW GEORGIA LIKES HIM TOO!!

When's the wedding?

(you're telling me you didn't believe you were gonna marry your childhood crush? Liar)

“I like being his friend,” Georgia said. “I like spending time with him and all of that. But I don’t know if I like him…in that way. I feel like I need more time.”

Demiromantic??? YES GIVE US THE REP

Lexi sometimes thought life would be so much simpler if the world was full of women and everyone was a lesbian.

Ikr?? Life would be so much easier.

Lexi says Roman is too-nice-sus

Well well well

The kind of love that cheated death.

The kind of love that sustained memory spells put by princes of hell.

The kind of love that changed the world.

Trust me all of our standards are very high

Lexi successfully survived the class without falling asleep.

Me during English.

Ok who's the blond?

Lexi I thought we weren't gonna fall this soon-

Oh the girl's straight...sigh we've all been there.

which meant they had to hold hands. Kinda.

Lexi was a little scared of that.

Me.

Goddamnit, Alexandra. Get your gay together!

THAT'S SO RELATABLE LIKE?? YES

OH MY GOD IT'S EMMA AND JULIAN'S DAUGHTER GEIDIDHDOHDJSKSJSKGXJDHSODHKDGDDGDJHDJDGDJDGJDHD

Lexi knew Olivia liked boys. She hadn’t dated anyone officially of course. All the boys were kind of terrified of her father.

She could be bi or pan or omni. WE GOTTA HAVE HOPE

vegetable loaf... David I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

Lexi then decided not to do any of her homework over the weekend because she was not coming back to the academy. She was not going to survive the sleepover and whatever else Olivia had in mind.

Bestie...why is this me when I make eye contact with my crush.

“Good stuff?” Max snorted. “Rafe literally ran away from home cause shit got too intense.”

“I didn’t run away!” Rafael rolled his eyes. “Stop telling people that!”

“But you have rumours and shadowhunters getting thrown into silent city and cohort drama and all that exciting stuff!” Liv pointed out.

I-

Liv-

True though.

“Wasn’t there a serial killer when your parents were young?” David asked.

“And didn’t your uncle do necromancy?” Max said biting into a chicken wing.

True and true

“Sorry, Chouchou!” Lexi winced. “I, uh, sensed a mosquitoe on your leg.”

“Girl, your angel powers are weird as fuck,” Max laughed.

MAX LANGUAGE

“I don’t know,” the girl shrugged and threw her a wink. “I wouldn’t put anything past Lexi.”

Lexi looked at Gigi. She was one more compliment away from screaming.

But Gigi of course knew her struggle and therefore quickly stuffed a bread roll into Lexi’s mouth.

I need someone to stuff bread into my mouth when things get like this

There were rumours about David – and how Daddy had an affair. Lexi was yet to find those asshats and shove a witch light down their throats.

When you find them lemme know too.

“Or maybe it’s because you don’t need rumours be interesting,” David pointed out.

Max turned around, looking surprised at that. His cheeks turned purple. Lexi didn’t know why he was surprised. David only ever spoke fondly of Max.

JUST GET TOGETHER ALREADY OH MY GOD

“Oh. Oh! I did hear something a long time ago!” Gigi said suddenly. “Olly, is it true you were conceived at the beach?”

“Georgia, you can’t just ask people where they were conceived!” David sounded horrified.

That is very much possible.

“I heard you were conceived in hell?”

“Oh my god,” Selena looked horrified. “That’s not true! It must have been about Max!”

“Y’all I am adopted!” Max was shaking with laughter and then stopped. “Although our dads could have definitely had sex in hell. I wouldn’t put it past them.”

Oh yes. Both clace and malec.

Then they had of course continued to discuss that cursed topic until Rafael had threatened to tell the Consul about it.

LMAO

Lexi turned around and saw Liv waiting for her. Nope. She wasn’t going to talk a walk – a fucking stroll! – with Olivia all on her own.

“You are coming back to the institute with me or I will un-parabatai you.”

You know there being an un-parabatai ceremony would solve a lot of shit

What if their hands accidentally grazed or something? That shit was lethal.

RIGHT????

She is just trying to be nice. That’s what friends do. They are nice. And they give each other pretty dresses and say they would like to see them in it.

Honey that's gay.

EVERYONE ASKING HER OUT IM DEAD

Selena: Ugh boys

Selena: When I win back Idris, we are leaving all the men behind.

Lexi: Except Magnus? Lol.

Selena: Obviously.

Is that even a question Lexi? Duh.

ALEC LIGHTWOOD THOUGHT SHE WAS STRAIGHT? THE SHAME!

OH MY GOD IM CACKLING

Not everyone can kiss their partner in the Accords Hall. Some people didn’t have access to the Accords Hall.

And most important, some people didn’t have partners!

We're getting a lexi and Alec talk someone hold me

“I’m going to tell you something,” Uncle Alec said. “It might sound simple. It might sound ridiculous. But it’s the truth. So, you must believe me. Can you do that?”

Lexi gave him a small nod.

“It doesn’t matter what other people think,” Uncle Alec said. “Not when it comes to your future. Not when it comes to your identity. They don’t get to have a say in who you are and why you are the way you are.”

Lexi bit her lip.

“Alexandra, people will always tell what to do. But you shouldn’t let them. Never let anyone tell you what to do with your heart or your body. Neither belongs them. It only belongs to you.”

THIS RIGHT HERE MADE ME START CRYING BECAUSE DAMN YES!

“Yep,” she groaned and then hesitated for a moment. “Uncle Alec…Can I ask you something stupid?”

“Can I say no?”

“No.”

“Then go ahead.”

I love her so much

“I feel…I feel it’s something we have to bear, Alexandra. The fear of rejection. It’s something we have to accept as an inevitable part of our lives. Because no matter how much love we have around us, we will always be afraid of people not loving us – simply because of who we are.”

Yeah...

“Besides, they named you after me,” he pointed out. “I don’t know what else they expected.”

EXACTLY! Did they really expect a straight child after naming them after Alec?

“I do like shouting,” Lexi wondered out loud. “That’s good advice.”

“I didn’t mean it literally!” Uncle Alec looked alarmed.

“No, it makes total sense!” Lexi grinned. “Some of these people can be tone deaf. Gotta shout it out. Loud and clear. Awesome advice! Thanks, Uncle Alec!”

DO IT

“Hey, Lexi. I was wonderin-”

“MOVE, I’M GAY!” she yelled as she shoved him aside and kept on running.

ABSOLUTELY ICONIC

“I prefer she/her,” Lexi answered. "But sometimes I prefer she/they. But you can use she/her because some of y'all already shit at grammar."

That's exactly what I tell people when they ask for my pronouns. Istg people are shit at grammar.

alright girl im here to give you a lecture on how someone's dressing doesn't describe their sexuality

OH MY MY GOD THERE WAS A GENDER AND SEXUALITY CLASS IN THE ACADEMY ARE THEY RECRUITING???

One of the boys who had complimented cleared his throat. “So, uh, you don’t like boys?”

“That’s literally what I said,” Lexi rolled her eyes. “I’m gay. I’m very gay. I’m gayer than the Consul. Okay fine, that’s not true. No one gayer than the Consul. But I’m still pretty gay.”

Does the boy have hearing problems?

ALSO YES NO ONE'S GAYER THAN THE CONSUL

“Sexual orientation and gender expression are two different things,” she explained now, remember what Uncle Magnus had taught them. “Sexual orientation refers to who I am sexually and romantically attracted to. Gender expression is how I want to express my gender identity. Those two are not connected. Just because a woman wears feminine clothes it doesn’t mean she is straight. Just because a man embraces femininity, it doesn’t make him gay either. Does that make sense?”

“Ohhh,” the girl nodded. “Yes, it does. Thank you!”

“What I wear does not reflect who I like. It reflects who I am and what I like to wear,” Lexi explained. “And regardless of my sexuality, I like pretty things.”

Exactly.

“This doesn’t change anything. I hope you know that,” he told her. “I mean I have to change the pronouns in my shovel talk. But that’s not a big deal.”

Awwww

Also – my good friend Raziel told me that homophobia is a sin.”

“You mean homosexuality is a sin?” an older man asked.

“No, homophobia is a sin,” Lexi repeated. “That’s what Raziel said.”

“But that’s not-”

Someone cleared their throat. When he spoke, it was in the Consul Voice.

“Are you saying know better than Raziel?” the Consul asked.

Listen to Raziel you dumb shit

“Sure. Let me just call the Lesbian Alliance,” Lexi rolled her eyes.

Ugh I wish

OH NO NO NO NOT THE FAKE DATING. JUST CONFESS AND DATE FOR REAL

“Alexandra, I have a fucking undercut and I have pink highlights and I cuff my jeans and I literally walk around with a sword and I can quote Lady Gaga to perfection! Why would you ever think I was straight??”

Lexi your gaydar is broken bestie.

Don't do this omg this is gonna be a mess

Gigi: THIS IS A BAD IDEA. ABORT! ABORT!

Lexi: Relaaaax. It’s going to be fine!

Gigi: I’ve read enough fanfiction to know the fake dating trope never ends well!

Lexi: I’ve told you to include the ‘angst with happy ending’ tag!

LMAO

Also Gigi which fanfiction do you read?

Jace omg...

That's so him though.

“How about my peeps? It sounds very hip.”

“It does not,” Lexi replied. “Please don’t refer to us as your peeps under any circumstance."

IM SCREAMING ASHSKHSIDBSHSHDH

Her father chuckled at that. “Sweetheart, you’re a Herondale. Being problematic is what we do.”

EXACTLY

Daddy opened the notebook again. “I need names.”

Grabs flamethrower names

“Besides, the Lightwoods and Blackthorns have been hogging the gay genes for too long. Now it’s our turn. I say you gay it up.”

“Gay it up?” Lexi laughed.

“Yeah,” he grinned. “Go for the highest possible level of gay.”

DO IT

He blinked for a second and then it hit him. “OH MY GOD YES! DOES EMMA KNOW??”

Lexi laughed. Yeah, he can never find out it was a fake dating situation.

Hopefully he won't have to because it won't be fake :D

“To love is a privilege and to be loved is a blessing.”

THE GROWTH OH MY GOD

This chapter literally means so much to me. I don't even know what to say. I hope I too can one day have the courage to shout it in front of everyone and not be scared. See ya on Tuesday!

It means so much to me that this chapter meant a lot to you. I hope you find all the courage, strength and support you need. You are amazing.

And here. I made you a playlist.

You can find it here on YouTube. I hope you like it :)

#lbaf

[noegrets]

Reviewing the Joker Emoji

For some reason, there is an emoji of the Joker from a Poker deck.  Maybe the reason is for online Poker games? Given the subject matter, we expected some of these to be creepy but...

Apple

Goth version of the Joker from Batman.  Run. Although, not as fast as from some of the others, you’ll see.

Apple iOS 8.3 (and previous)

This is an abomination created by Sid from Toy Story.  It even has the baby-doll head and creepy tentacles.  The unevolved form of the goth Joker above.

Google

It’s a dollar-store bath toy for a baby.  Oh my god, it’s winking.

Google Android 4.4 - 7.0

This is certainly a card.  Although the face seems to have been misprinted.  Too much black ink.

Google Android 4.3

We like this one.  It’s monochrome with chubby lines.  It looks mischievous, and maybe slightly evil.  But just slightly.  Probably not a murderer... yet.

Microsoft

A believable card in a hypothetical emoji-themed Poker deck.  The Joker depicted on the Joker card emoji is itself an emoji.  Very meta, and surprisingly inoffensive.

Microsoft 10 and older

What happened to Charlie Brown’s shirt?!

Samsung

From afar, this is horrible and scary, but from up close, this is horrible and scary. The more we look at it, the more terrifying it gets.  Upon closer inspection, it has no scleras, and no nose.  This is not just a terrifying Joker.  This is probably possessed.

Samsung old

And to think that it used to look like this.  A cute child in a cute autumn-themed Halloween costume.  They grow up and get possessed so fast.

Whatsapp

The Joker... of Diamonds?  Also, it looks like a mime, which is never a good thing.

Twitter

A face emerging from a pile of toy bananas. It almost has radial symmetry, strangely enough. It doesn’t particularly read like a Joker, or like anything, really.

Facebook

Satanic Thomas the Tank Engine with crab legs!  Aaaaaa!

Facebook old

While we can kind of like the art style here, it’s winking evilly. We can see why someone wanted to update this... but maybe not with THAT.

Joypixels

Bootleg Joker from Batman. Half of these emoji are even confused on what the poker Joker is supposed to look like, and they end up with the character of the same name instead.

Joypixels 3-4

And here he is without his makeup! He looks somewhat caught off guard and breaking character. No one informed him that they were already shooting.

Joypixels 2

What a smarmy egg. There’s something about this one that just makes us laugh.

Joypixels 1

This is an endearing Halloween decoration made out of tissue paper. But we can’t tell it’s a Joker. It looks more like some sort of witch.

Openmoji

Were you even trying?

Messenger

Scary. Good thing the evil has been sealed away in the ice cube.

LG

It looks like one of the seven dwarves with a book on his head. Or maybe a clipart of a child in a poorly made elf costume for a Christmas recital. Nothing about this evokes a joker. It’s ugly, too.

HTC

If you take good care of your tamagotchi, it will turn into this. :D

Mozilla

It’s a baby in a hat! It’s kind of cute, but not a joker.

Softbank

An enemy in a Sega Genesis game. One of the annoying enemies, no less. We always die in that part.

Docomo

Speaking of Sega, this is just Nights.

au by KDDI

The Blue Badger from Ace Attorney.

au by KDDI - old

This is so joyful, we can’t hate it. Though, we unfortunately interpret the collar as spread out limbs: two arms, two legs, and... ...Well, it is very happy.

And now, for the grand finale...

Emojidex

Holy fuck... dark and sexy Joker. This Joker fucks. This Joker does BDSM. This Joker invented BDSM. He’s doing a come-hither hand gesture, and we accept the invitation. As a card, it is stylish. We want this deck of cards. But we looked at the other Emojidex emojis, and this is an absolute outlier. The rest of the set looks like mediocre clipart at best, and then you have THIS smoldering fucker. Someone was horny.

#joker #emoji #our posts #cards

[squid-rp]

So... remember when I said I wanted to make playlists for my characters while stuck at work? WELL... today is the day of results, staring with Cora. See cut below for playlist and a few drabbles that are inspired but may yet change as more info about the world comes out.

TW: Language... both in the playlist and out of it. I'm not kidding when I said Cora needs a swear jar, and some of her song choices definitely uh... reflect that.

DRABBLES:

Cora might not have been a proper witch or warlock, but she knew full and well what storms were, because she saw them in people. She saw it in her mother’s eyes when her parents thought she had been asleep -- the woman’s lips turning to a snarl as she deftly dodged another bottle thrown at her head and the sloppy slur of a yell to get out. Cora knew that sometimes storms collided and one usually gave way to another. Her mother gave way to her father and fled into the night, leaving her alone with a bitter man festering in all of his losses and resentful of what he felt he deserved but could not have. Had it not been for her grandmother, Cora knew she would have felt that wrath turned on herself more severely than sour glances and whiskey touched words. Lavinia Carrington was a storm of her own. She lacked the wild snarl and harsh words that her daughter used so frequently, but her eyes were fixed and focused like the rumble of thunder on the horizon. Steven Mills could barely look up from his kingdom of half-drunken bottles to acknowledge the woman on his doorstep. He did blink lamely at the statuesque woman in his living room who deigned to stand above his recliner like some sort of fairytale queen. She wore a tailored dress, but no crown, although her fading red hair was enough to tell him exactly who she was. “Fuck you want?” Steven managed, but he knew, and although she didn’t know what exactly, Cora knew too. Later, she would ruefully recall that nobody had asked her, but why would they? She was just a slip of a thing hiding against a door frame back then -- eager for a peak of something strange but terrified of being caught. “I refuse to let my legacy nourish itself on whiskey and regrets. That child is mine and she will be great, or she will be nothing at all.” There was no room for argument.

---

Cora had always been a girl who liked to know things. Her mother was a faint shadow in her memories, but sometimes she would recall her mother telling her stories at night -- stories of little girls and the wolves that gobbled them up for their curiosity. Curiosity, her grandmother said, was a useful tool. Curiosity was usually the first step towards folly and the lesson of hurting, which would give away to the much more useful trait of ambition. Cora no longer spent nights being lulled to sleep by scary stories of wolves gobbling up girls. Those weren’t useful tales anymore, especially since nobody was coming to save her. Cora hadn’t exactly shaken curiosity, but she tempered it with caution, and her only ambition was to stay one step ahead of her grandmother -- to learn to be more powerful if only to save herself and others who might be in the bitter hag’s way. But the lesson of hurting had turned to a lesson of haunting, and the most haunting thing Cora learned was that she would never stop looking over her shoulder, even in the crowds of New York.

---

If there was one thing Cora learned since running away, it was that she was always going to be underestimated by people who didn’t know what the hell she was. That was fine on most days. It was easier to traipse around on the sly and have a semblance of a life if people just saw her at face value: small, petite, porcelain skin, a light dusting of freckles, doll eyes, clothes that barely fit. A fragile thing with such a foul mouth. And sometimes it was that mouth that got her into trouble, and the invitation to “fuck around and find out” resulted in a right hook that was far meaner than it had any right to be. Sometimes meanness wasn’t enough, though. There were times Cora limped along home, ribs aching, teeth stained with blood and eyes bruised purple, but she’d be damned if she saw something that bothered her without speaking up. She didn’t run away to hold anything in anymore.

---

It didn’t matter how well she hid: eventually one of her grandmother’s followers would find her. It didn’t matter if she washed her hair out so that it lost its coppery sheen or crafted an identity that was the greatest great or the lowest of the low. Someone always found her, and how could they not? She was an unbound Ephemeral, and a grasping threat to boot, even if she claimed to just want to live. She ran first. Cora ran from jobs. She left homes with nothing but the clothes on her back. She lost her pursuers in subway trains or by dodging into an Uber and -- once -- jumping off a bridge into a freezing river that had her shivering for what felt like weeks. She finally dug her heels in and fought back in Arizona, and when her pursuer was flat on his back in the sand, Cora stood over him while a dust devil raged through the desert. She thought of her grandmother. She thought of those sharp blue eyes, the steel in the woman’s demeanor, and everything she had taken and would continue to take. It would have been easy to kill the man in the dirt. It would have been easy to kill him and leave him to rot in the desert for the coyotes to pick his bones clean. It would have sent a clear message, and it would have been a warning for those who would come after. But it would have been something she would have done, and more than anything, Cora did not want to be her. So she knocked the man out and left him in the desert to make his way to safety once he woke up. By then, she’d be on the way to elsewhere to try and make her way on her own terms. Despite how she had been raised, and despite all of her grooming, Cora was not her, and she never would be. Not if she had anything to say about it.

---

It could not be said that Cora was skilled in Origami as she only knew how to make one shape. She tried to learn others over the years -- the owl, the fan, the boat, the flower -- but her fingers fell into the familiar habits of the crane as if she were being guided along on a string right on back to home. Cora had so few memories of her mother. She had no pictures -- they had been burned at her grandmother’s behest -- and no mementos or trinkets to remind her of the woman who had given her life and then had abandoned her. She remembered stories told in the dark, but the years had distorted the voice that told them. The memories of a face -- the cut of a nose, and the curl of a lip -- had blurred to a void that could have been everything and nothing all at once. What Cora couldn’t forget was muscle memory, and her fingers gracefully folded smooth paper to form a head and wings until another colorful paper crane joined the small army threatening to burst out of her shoebox apartment. “One thousand gets a wish,” the woman murmured as she set the newest crane atop the bundle of blankets that comprised her bed and looked out the window towards the looming city and all its lights. She doubted she would ever get what she wanted. After all, other people wanted, and when it came to her, they only wanted what she could do and who she could be. They never really wanted her for her. It didn’t stop her from reaching for another sheaf of paper and trying again.

TLDR: Pretty sure Cora's grandma (who in my head is super old and reeks of sandalwood and dismissiveness) is the head of a Gramarye coven elsewhere. Cora was meant to take up the mantle or... something else more nefarious but yeeted instead and is hiding out in New York until she can figure out wtf to do. AGAIN, this could change depending on revealed site lore and also the fact that I might see another bright and shiny idea and go crow.

#cora mills #bmtrp #baremyteethrp #not tagging the dev tag because I already have two and I don't wanna clog the tag #Spotify