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peachhcs · 3 years

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Love Languages Pt. 2

Pairing: Luke Patterson x reader

Summary: Pt.2 to Luke asking you what Love Languages are

Warnings: talk of drinking and cheating but that’s it

Word Count: 1.6k

Here is part two that you all have been asking for! I deeply apologize for how long it took me to get this up, school is really kicking my butt. I have a bunch of people asking to be on my taglist and I’m currently in the works of making one so comment or reblog or something telling me you want to be on my taglist! Make sure you specifiy for my series or for small blurbs/oneshots like this or both!

Thank you so much for the amazing feedback! I love the comments and y’all are so amazing!

I’m not sure if this will have a part 3?? but let me know if you want one haha. I won’t be tagging anyone in this because my tags got lost in my notifications, so if you want to be tagged again, make sure you read above! :)

PART 1

* * *

You didn’t mean to avoid Luke, it just kind of happened. Junior Year was no joke and it felt like every night and every weekend you had piles of homework to get done, so you sort of drifted from going to Julie’s house everyday. She didn’t mind, she understood just as much and kept you updated on how the band was doing. However, you still felt guilty for avoiding the boys. You were worried that Luke would think he scared you away by touching you, but you were feeling the exact opposite. You wanted to explore more and find out more but here you were, in your room at 12am trying to finish this nagging essay that was due in 8 hours.

You felt your eyelids growing heavy but you shook your head, trying to keep yourself awake. The 3 monster drinks on your nightstand said enough about how much you were trying to keep yourself awake. You had 2 paragraphs left but you knew you were at a losing battle with yourself. The way your eyes were just glazing over at this point and rereading the same sentence over and over was becoming a very evident indication that you needed sleep. Before you could even think about quitting for the night, there was a noise from the side of your room and a grunt. Your eyes quickly darted over to where the noise came from and there stood Luke with that magenta pull over that you really liked.

“Luke?” His eyes quickly darted over to you, clearly surprised to still see you awake.

“Y/n..hey..” He started and you pushed your laptop away to give him your full attention.

“What are you..doing here?..” You weren’t really sure why he was here and you felt a small bit of tension in the room from avoiding him for the past few weeks.

“I uh..came to see you..” His voice was small and you pushed your eyebrows together in confusion.

“At 12 in the morning?..” You knew ghosts didn’t really sleep but it was still a strange sight to see Luke in your bedroom this late at night.

“Yup..” He trails off and pushes his glance down to the floor. You raised your eyebrow, knowing he wasn’t telling you the whole truth. You two were still best friends after all, so you could read him like an open book.

“Luke, seriously. What are you doing here?” You ask trying to push an answer out of him. He finally meets your gaze again and you see his small expression on his face.

“Why have you been avoiding me?”

You blinked a few times at his bluntness. This time you were the one to avoid his gaze. You picked at your fingernails slightly, knowing Luke was watching you and waiting for an answer.

“I don't mean too.. School’s been tough and stuff.” You say cringing at how lame that sounded even though it was true. Luke stayed silent for a moment, trying to decide if you were lying to him or not. You avoided his eyes and kept your glance locked on the floor.

“Did I do something wrong? Did I overstep by touching you? I didn’t mean to scare you or anything..” Luke trails off and you frown. You quickly shake your head to tell him no.

“No, no, no. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve just been really swamped with homework..” You grimace to yourself for coming back to your really lame excuse. You watch as Luke steps a little closer, testing the waters. When you don’t object to him moving closer, he takes a slow seat on your bed beside you.

“You look tired..” He points out, gently reaching to touch your cheek. It warms both of your bodies as your skin makes contact. His hands were..warm..and comforting. You weren’t sure what you expected but it definitely wasn't this. Who knew ghosts were warm?

“I told you I’ve been swamped with homework.” You chuckle and this time Luke chuckles along with you. He gently pulls his hand away and folds them into his lap. You stare down at your feet for a few moments trying to figure out what to say next. This felt like completely new territory the two of you were exploring and by the energy and growing tension in the room; this was a little bit scary.

“Do you think you know..why we can..touch?” You ask hesitantly. Julie was filling you in here and there at school, but it wasn’t much and they didn’t seem to come up with anything as to why you had the “powers” too.

“No..it’s still all confusing. We think Julie’s mom has something to do with us being connected to Julie but we don’t know about you.” Luke says, side eyeing you and you weren’t sure if that was a hint for you to talk about your past or not.

You didn’t really open up about your past. No one had ever really asked so you never really talked. Julie knew a little bit, she knew that your mom and dad fought a lot and you didn’t like being at home that much, but that was about it. You didn’t talk about it further than that, so when you could feel Luke trying to dig into your past more, you shrugged.

“My parents don’t talk much about stuff. I don’t know.” You say, keeping it short and simple. Luke frowns a little at your answer, but he knows not to push so he doesn’t. The two of you sit in more silence beside one another. You picked at your finger nails while Luke’s eyes travelled around your room.

“I ran out on my mom. She didn’t believe in my dream and though dropping out of high school was the worst possible idea. We got into a fight and I ran out. That was the last time I saw her face to face. I died before I could make amends with her.” You glance at Luke, surprised at his openness. Even though you guys were best friends, talking about stuff like this was kind of off limits. The memory hurt too much so you never talked about at home, parent problems.

“Wow..I’m sorry. That must have been hard on both of you.” You admit and Luke nods.

“It was, but Julie helped me make amends with them last year.” Luke smiles a little and you smile too. You knew his little story was a play to get you to start talking so you took in a little breath.

“My dad cheated on my mom a few years ago with..a few other women. My mom keeps trying to make excuses for him to keep him around. They fight a lot because my dad doesn’t want to stay but my mom keeps pushing it. They’re both pretty heavy drinkers, too. It’s not a very good mix.” You explain. It felt weird to say it out loud, but it also felt nice to talk about it with someone.

“I’m really sorry, Y/n. I can’t imagine how difficult that is.” Luke empathizes but you only shrug.

“It’s a good thing Julie let’s me come over so much. She’s been there for me for it all and I really love her for that.” You say, smiling at the thought of Julie’s friendship. You really couldn’t ask for a better best friend to get through it all.

“Yeah, Julie’s really great. She does it all.” Luke laughs and you nod in agreement. More silence fills in between you two but it was comfortable silence. This time you lean your head on Luke’s shoulder and he pulls his arm around you to bring you closer. You could feel the tension slowly fading away. Sometimes all it took was one meaningful conversation to break the barrier.

“Oh yeah, I saw these on my way over here and I thought you might like them.” Luke smiles and you watch as he digs into his pocket before pulling out a small bouquet of those pretty Aster flowers. You sit up a little, instantly recognizing them. They were your grandma’s favorite before she passed away when you were little.

“Asters?” You ask and Luke glances at you a little surprised.

“Is that what they’re called? They’re really pretty.” Luke smiles and hands them to you. You smile, smelling them and instantly getting that fresh scent of your grandma’s house.

“They are very pretty. Thank you.” You smile warmly and Luke smiles again.

“Yeah, you’re welcome. They just reminded me of you.” Luke says and you chuckle. That was something your grandma had said to you a lot.

“You should probably get going. It’s getting late and the boys are probably wondering where you are.” You chuckle, glancing at how much later it had gotten and you still had to wake up for school the next morning.

“Yeah, you’re probably right. I’ll see you at Julie’s tomorrow?” Luke stands up and sends you a hopeful glance. You chuckle and nod a yes.

“Yeah, see you there, Patterson.” Luke smiles at your response. You watch as he hesitates to leave for a moment and you’re about to question him when in one quick motion he plants a kiss on your cheek before poofing out.

You sit there, a little stunned, before allowing a small blush to creep its way onto your cheeks. You got up to put your flowers in your little vase on your desk. It added a nice touch to your room. If Luke hadn’t come in to make you more alert, you would have missed it. On your desk by the vase was a small piece of paper with writing on it. Upon examining it further, it was one of the last notes your grandma had written to you before she passed away. You thought you had lost that somewhere in your numerous papers, but there it was, front and center on your desk.

I will be with you, today, tomorrow, and forever. You just have to look for the signs - Grandma

#julie and the phantoms #japt #japt luke #japt cast #alex japt #reggie japt #julie molina #love #angst #luke patterson #luke patterson x reader #luke patterson x y/n #flynn jatp #ray japt #luke patterson imagine #willie japt #fanfiction

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mooosicaldreamz · 3 years

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We obviously need your song by song analysis of evermore please!

i got asked to do this about four times so here it is.....much anticipated. i know. please note that when i say that i hate her or despise her i don’t actually mean that. but i do

EVERMORE

OK LETS GO

WILLOW - ok, groovy first time you hear it, right? has a strong rumbly wiggle. let’s VIBE. the low of the verse, the high of the chorus…oh my goodness! what is she doing. she’s just out there! wow. “wherever you stray i follow” is a banger. “life was a willow and it bent right to your wind” with the overlay oof let’s go.!!!! a shockingly strong first entry of the record…best one since “welcome to new york” maybe!!! let’s just say it!!! for some reason “i come back stronger than a 90s trend” throws me off though…i don’t know. it’s just so moody pop, no one is doing it like her!!! i hate her

CHAMPAGNE PROBLEMS - every time i listen to this song i listen to it four times. not a joke. it’s perfect. i don’t think i need to convince anyone! it’s perfect!!!!! what are you doing? taylor swift, the most dramatic bitch, has been writing dramatic bitch songs since she was fourteen and yet, somehow, she contrives to write even more dramatic things as she ages. this song is a JOKE. there are not ENOUGH songs about denying proposals! it’s just simple and sad. oh my god. it’s insane. the fact that she wrote this with her boyfriend (i have a running theory that they are married, we are going to refer to joe as her Perfect and Glorious Husband from now on) …… come on. the ENTIRE BREAKDOWN. “YOUR MIDAS TOUCH ON THE CHEVY DOOR / NOVEMBER FLUSH YOUR FLANNEL CURE / THIS DORM WAS ONCE A MADHOUSE / I MADE A JOKE WELL ITS MADE FOR ME / HOW EVERGREEN OUR GROUP OF FRIENDS / DON’T THINK WE’LL SAY THAT WORD AGAIN / AND SOON THEY’LL HAVE THE NERVE TO DECK THE HALLS THAT WE ONCE WALKED THROUGH” ……. concluding with that absolute stabby killer “what a shame she’s fucked in the head” oh my god……….. and the song resolving in a very adult “you’ll find someone else” god

GOLD RUSH - ok so like this song is like ok it’s got the same groovy high /low that’s happening on willow but it’s so different! it’s so good! the pulse of the beat propelling the whole thing through and then the falling apart “oh what must it be like to grow up that beautiful”……………..ok. the visceral image of “my eagles t-shirt hanging from the door” …………. i admire very much taylor’s oncoming gift of moving through high/low imagery…… i love her so much? it’s so HARD. “my mind turns your life into folklore” beautiful! BEAUTIFUL! also i have some belief in me that this is about karlie kloss but i shall not dive into that hole.

TIS THE DAMN SEASON - oh so i’m supposed to LIVE with this song EXISTING. WHY!!!! HOW……..oh my god………..taylor was like, yes, i’m going to write a song about a famous girl going home and banging her high school flame for a week and jack and aaron were like oh ok. “i parked my car between the methodist and the school that used to be ours.” she is such a joke. “you could call me babe for the weekend” like ok emo!! emo!!! OK. I LOVE THIS SONG

TOLERATE IT - taylor really gave us the most depressing track 5, but it’s absolutely a banger and i love her! she is just vibing! oh my god. what a specific emotion to pinpoint with this song….it’s such a gift. no one is hitting this space

NO BODY NO CRIME - this song has no business being on this record but in the BEST WAY, like how daddy lessons mysteriously appears in the middle of lemonade. oh my goodness. this is just pure country revenge song. taylor was like oh actually i haven’t forgotten my roots and i hate men more than i ever have. and she got haim to sing with her. and it’s so good. the low “i think he did it” oh my goodness. this song is a joke. how is it real? it’s just a perfect radio song. it reminds me very much of “before he cheats” but it’s a lot more sonically calm

HAPPINESS - similar to “tolerate it” and i think “champagne problems” this song is beating on an emotional bush that is really really hard to hit the head of. like, so she collabed with the national and bon iver on this record and previous obvi, and i LOVE them, but their music can often be very………impressionistic? perhaps? is how i might put it. it’s sometimes hard to get a note of specificity from it. imo. but taylor loves a fucking story bro. and she has figured out how to tell made up stories. she can’t be stopped now. like…this space of a breakup and knowing that it’s for the best and being sad in this way? name a pop star who has a song this nuanced. for real! god. i despise her. “across a great divide / there is a glorious sunrise”

DOROTHEA - the other half to the far superior TIS THE DAMN SEASON and a banger all the same. it has the bouncy joy of the most buoyant national songs. in the same vein as the also far superior BETTY, she has her sweet dumb boy slurry and less intelligent voice. i love that she paints these narrators this way, it’s just nothing she would have ever reached for ever before this period. she has a Perfect and Glorious Husband now and she has begun to understand teenage boys, FINALLY.

CONEY ISLAND - i have upon many occasions opined that i love the national VERY MUCH. i once went to a festival with my gf and her sister to see them even though i was expressly not invited and you know what despite the fact that it caused a lot of angst, i got to see the national play TERRIBLE LOVE in the middle of the night and I SCREAMED IT. so like, listen. what is matt berninger doing here, to me, specifically????????? i was somewhat hesitant about how their voices might blend, but it works astonishingly well. and i think that it’s so wonderful, i can’t. the imagery of a dreary coney island…..”sorry for not winning you an arcade ring.” as taylor always proves, the bridge is spectacular. “were you standing in the hallway / with a big cake / happy birthday”……”and when i got into the accident / the sight that flashed before me was your face / but when i walked up to the podium / i think that i forgot to say your name” sorry to yOU calvin. she had ISSUES. and now she has a Perfect and Glorious Husband. also “sorry for not making you my centerfold” ok kaylor

IVY - this song is about emily dickinson and i DARE you to tell me that i’m wrong. I DARE YOU. I DARE YOU. you’d be wrong! embarrassing for you. taylor finally writing a probably legitimate queer song and it’s about fucking emily dickinson is so on brand…..it’s dripping with poetry and groove and she’s so fucking dumb i hate her so much. her narrative of ivy and poetry and the lakes district…….ok taylor. i know. i know you watched all the dickinson things that came out and you identified with her. the gentle sway of the “oh, goddamn” and the “oh, i can’t”……i CAN’T EITHER TAYLOR !!! i CAN”T TAYLOR!!!! “oh goddamn / my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand / taking mine but it’s been promised to another / oh i can’t / stop you putting roots in my dreamland” TAYLOR. and then she says, “oh you didn’t realize this wasn’t gay?” “i want to know the fatal flaw that makes you long to be magnificently cursed” like @ emily yourself taylor “he wants what’s only yours”……TAYLOR. give me the entire catalogue of emily dickinson songs!!!!! i can’t do this. “springs breaks loose / but so does fear” “i’d live and die for moments that we stole / on begged and borrowed time / so tell me to run / or dare to sit and watch what we’ll become / and drink my husband’s wine.” taylor if you see this post, a, i love you, b, i need you to tell me about ivy, and c, PLEASE can i have tickets to your next tour in the year 2025 or whenever because my gf never buys me any to your shows……….i love this song if it isn’t clear. i think i’d love it if it wasn’t gay

COWBOY LIKE ME - ok this will sound weird and if you’ve read this far i’m going to assume that you don’t care about me being weird…but this song reminds me of the fanfiction STAY THE NIGHT by lynnearlington (maybe u’ve heard of it). please reply if you think about this and feel the same. “never wanted love / just a fancy car” “you had some tricks up your sleeve / takes one to know one / you’re a cowboy like me” the opening line re: the tent-like thing reminds me very strongly of the fourth of july at our family’s country club and they set up a tent over the parking lot and this song just makes me think of that vibe????? i don’t know. i have vibes. i love this song a lot, which is impressive because it follows after the gay euphoria of IVY. perhaps this is because it gives me its own gay euphoria. “now you hang from my lips like the garden babylon” ???? is one of the most gay, seductive, brutal lyrics i have ever heard. she wrote that down and was like, oh yeah, vibez, hundo p. she did that to me

LONG STORY SHORT - this song is an honorary sequel to I FORGOT THAT YOU EXISTED from the lover era (honestly i’m still in the lover era). but i actually think this song is better! so we are taking that. “actually i’ve always thought that i looked better from the rearview” ok taylor let’s access that feeling! “no more keeping score / i just keep you warm” is like, stupidly sweet. rip to calvin but now taylor has a Perfect and Glorious Husband.

MARJORIE - made me cry, simple and beautiful. one of the more personal songs on the tracklist! and something that i had never considered that she would write about, but i think the quarantine period has allowed a lot of us to dig into our feelings, so….vibez. we’re vibing!

CLOSURE - this song’s production sounds a lot like bon iver’s recent productions, very tech-y and repetitive and spare. rip to karlie kloss but taylor has a Perfect and Glorious Husband and karlie’s legal last name is kushner so who really won? hmm? i love “i’m fine with my spite / and my tears / and my beers / and my candles” the inclusion of candles is just. vibez. there are four candles lit rn in our apartment!

EVERMORE - i think this song is very intriguing and i’m still puzzling with it! the simplicity of her depressive gray November phase and then the very ebullient and bold bon iver interlude……..really has a manic/depressive, sad/angry vibe???? it feels so on brand for this pandemic quarantine…..and it works shockingly well, except for that i’d rather listen to the bon iver part for 10 minutes more. “all my waves are being tossed / is there a line that i can just go cross” and then taylor’s sort of call and response with his interlude……should just be the whole song. but it’s still good. that’s how annoying she is

#tswizzle #tswizzy #tsweezy #i literally have totally ruined the tags

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ohhophelie · 3 years

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ORIGINS & FAMILY:

Name: Ophélie Evangeline Redgrave

Nickname: O, Fee

Birthday: 31 July 1992

Age: 28

Gender: Female.

Place of Birth: London, United Kingdom

Places Lived Since: London, United Kingdom; Saint-Malo, Ille-et-Vilaine, France

Current Residence: Kensington, London, United Kingdom

Nationality: British & French

Parents: Lambert & Sérephine Redgrave, née Callac

Grandparents: Harold Redgrave (grandfather, paternal, deceased) Hélène de Broglie (grandmother, paternal, deceased) Aurélien Callac (grandfather, maternal) Ophélie Hervé (grandmother, maternal)

Aunts & Uncles: Charlotte, Georgina Redgrave (aunts, paternal) Anita Acton (aunt, paternal)

Number of Siblings: Three brothers; Sébastian Redgrave (38), Arnaud Redgrave (36), Gaël Redgrave (32)

Relationship With Family: Ophélie is closest to Gaël, her other two brothers see her mostly as the family fuck up although they all feel somewhat protective of her as the youngest. This was particularly meaningful during the wild years of her teens when an attention starved Ophélie might find herself in places or situations she was likely too young for, they were mostly all still at home and willing to come collect her from wherever and keep her secrets from their parents. Her father has always been distant, she sometimes fears he’d rather forget she existed. Her mother is overbearing and critical - after three boys she thought Ophélie was at long last the daughter who’d belong only to her, a little doll to shape as she wished. She was very wrong.

Happiest Memory: The freedom and acceptance she finally found in university, the Christmas and New Years she spent with Gaël in New York when spent a year at NYU.

Childhood Trauma: oh boy - see this answer HERE

PHYSICAL:

Height: 5'4”

Weight: 110lbs.

Build: Slim - some might say too skinny

Hair Color: Blonde.

Usual Hair Style: loose curls, a careless, practiced ease. Sometimes she wears it up if she's bored enough, high ponytail when she runs

Eye Color: Blue.

Glasses? Contacts?: Neither.

Style of Dress/Typical Outfit(s): Expensive as fuck - if she had to choose a ‘style’ it would be classic. She isn’t conservative in the least bit, but she also isn’t one to go into more out there fashions - that is Gaël lane. She tends to favor dresses and skirts and more feminine looks. Ophélie caught in jeans is a very rare Ophélie. When she is home alone she is usually wearing a thin robe or some form of lingerie/pjs

Typical Style of Shoes: Ophélie does not like to wear shoes. However, given that going barefoot is usually frowned upon in society, she can usually be found in heels that match whatever she may be wearing. If she is very close with someone she will take her shoes off the moment she enters their home, and at her own flat can always be found barefoot.

Jewellery? Tattoos? Piercings?: She has both of her earlobes pierced, as expected. At one point she had a cartilage piercing, but she long ago forgot to keep it open. Unbeknownst to her mother and most of her family, she has both of her nipples pierced. Ophélie will say to anyone who knows that these are her favorite piercings. She has a tattoo of a scorpion on the nape of her neck. Everyday jewellery includes a heavy men’s watch that belonged to her grandfather, whatever earrings she fancies on any given day, as well as rings. The one ring she wears at all times is made up of three interlocking circles - when she is anxious or focusing on something Ophélie spins this around her finger.

Scars: She has a scar on her shin from falling off a horse as a child. The most recent additions include a thin line across her chest/sternum and a nearly perfect large C in the center of her back - she plans on adjusting that soon.

Unique Mannerisms/Physical Habits: When she is focusing, Ophélie will twist her ring around her finger. She has the tendency to curl her hands into fists and dig her nails into her palms. She also chews on her bottom lip, which has caused a significant investment in longwear lipstick.

Athleticism: Ophélie grew up playing tennis with her brother Gaël and got into running in her teens. She never does any actual races mostly because she couldn’t be bothered and also way too many people near her. It’s mostly a way for her to focus her own mind/punish her body.

Health Problems/Illnesses: She absolutely has an eating disorder from the unrealistic expectations of her mother when she was growing up. It is something she has struggled with most of her life that her friends are likely unaware of. Ophélie also has undiagnosed ADHD, PTSD, addiction issues that are yet to be explored.

INTELLECT:

Level of Education: BSc in Politics and Philosophy from LSE - it wasn’t exactly what she wanted to study but a compromise that got her parents off her back. If possible she’d want to go back to school for linguistics or art history.

Languages Spoken: English & French natively, Spanish fluently. Functionally fluent in Italian, a lingering understanding of Latin from prep school. She has a very good ear for languages and dialects and can pick them up quickly.

Level of Self-Esteem: Fluctuates between “I hate myself I’m such a bitch” and “I love myself I’m such a bitch.” No in between.

Gifts/Talents: Very good at languages and remembering things she’s heard if she cares enough to focus, weirdly good at crossword puzzles if she has the patience, has the ability to come off as unthreatening and use it to manipulate people.

Mathematical?: Hell no, she absolutely cheated her way through math and she is not at all sorry about it.

Makes Decisions Based Mostly On Emotions, or On Logic?: Emotions, particularly whims. She does have a vindictive streak and while that is based on emotions she can adapt logic to her purposes is.

Life Philosophy: live fast die young bad girls do it well. No joking, she doesn’t really have one or doesn’t like to consider it, but if we had to define it, somewhere along the lines of ‘never let them see you cry’ IDK TBD

Religious Stance: Was raised Anglican, not really about it. Enjoys the art and melodrama of the catholic church.

Cautious or Daring?: Daring, boarding on reckless, she has the arrogant privilege of the very wealthy, that they are untouchable and almost immortal.

Most Sensitive About/Vulnerable To: Her mother, people trying to lessen her or force her to be something she is not, her eating disorder/body image

Optimist or Pessimist?: says she's an optimist, mostly because she doesn’t let herself project any other way; deep down is def a pessimist mostly out of self preservation and years of building up armor

Extrovert or Introvert?: Extrovert.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Current Relationship Status: fucking her way through the french bros/leadership

Sexual Orientation: bisexual in that she is attracted to all beautiful women and men who are older, dangerous, and low key damaged.

Past Relationships: Only real/serious relationship was with Charles Jameson (alexa play champagne problems by taylor swift)

Primary Reason For Being Broken Up With: being caught cheating whoops

Primary Reasons For Breaking Up With People: boredom, afraid of getting to close

Ever Cheated?: yep, and if not for the way he reacted she might actually feel guilty about it.

Been Cheated On: not that she knows of

Level of Sexual Experience: very high and no she will not be slutshamed thank you very much

Story of First Kiss: A boy she met while staying with her grandmother in France. She was 11 and kissed him on a dare.

Story of Loss of Virginity: She’d just turned 14 but told him she was older, it was mediocre at best but she loved the rush of power she felt when she turned him down the next time.

A Social Person?: Very - she literally wouldn’t be able to do her job so well if she wasn’t. Plus shes a slut for attention and once you cross the threshold between casual friends and very close friends - she’s loyal as fuck.

Most Comfortable Around: Paul for sure, although she feels safe and comfortable with most of the frenchies she knows well - Noa, Laurent, Guillaume, Delphine, Sofie - its Paul she goes to first, her ride or die bitch. Outside of the French she feels comfortable around Spencer, shockingly, and within the family it's only Gaël who she feels she can even be remotely herself around.

Oldest Friend: Camilla Berkeley, her brother Gaël. Most of the people she knew through grade school and her teens she grew bored of or dropped for Paul and the French.

How Does She Think Others Perceive Her?: Dancing right on the knife’s edge between hot and hot mess; a fuck up; shallow and vain. For those who know her well she often fears they think she might be stupid or reckless, not as devoted as she actually is.

How Do Others Actually Perceive Her?: Literally dancing right on the knife’s edge between hot and hot mess. Those closest to her often think she’s smarter than she herself does, hopefully they also value and recognize her deep loyalty. All should think she's a great time.

SECRETS:

Life Goals: To be happy and find something and someone that makes her happy.

Dreams: That she will stop letting the negligence and cruelty of her parents - mostly mother, hurt her. That she will matter to someone, be loved and wanted for exactly who she is and not who they think she should be or who she pretends to be.

Greatest Fears: Being abandoned by those she loves, being hurt by those who should care for her, never being seen for who she is. Horses - she had a bad fall as a child and doesn’t trust them.

Most Ashamed Of: The walls she builds out of self preservation, lying to her brother when he only wants to help her.

Secret Hobbies: Puzzles - the more pieces and complex the better. It isn’t really that much of a secret because there is usually one in progress on the unused dining room table. Collecting first editions of her favorite books - it's a secret because she is usually too impatient to find a better deal or negotiate and will literally pay whatever the seller asks for it, usually above what it is worth.

Crimes Committed (Was she caught? Charged?): She has never been caught or charged, but possession with intent to distribute multiple illegal drugs, selling said drugs for organized crime. There was also that one time that she may or may not have led a man to his death, which although she has done her best to block this memory, would likely make her an accessory to murder.

DETAILS/QUIRKS:

Night Owl or Early Bird?: Both really, but that's the insomnia and stimulant usage.

Light or Heavy Sleeper?: light sleeper when she’s alone, heavy if she’s sleeping with someone she trusts

Favorite Animal: penguins

Favorite Foods: strawberries, champagne,

Least Favorite Food: anything mint

Favorite Book: The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson

Least Favorite Book: any of the myriad of self help books well meaning psychiatrists have suggested

Favorite Movie: Heathers, Jurassic Park

Least Favorite Movie: emotional porn - aka any movie specifically designed to make you cry without any profound or complicated themes other than ‘life is short’

Favorite Song: Kyoto by Phoebe Bridgers

Favorite Sport: she’s a tennis bitch for sure

Coffee or Tea?: coffee although she does like tea

Crunchy or Smooth Peanut Butter?: Ophélie is allergic to peanuts rip

Type of Car She Drives: lol no one let this bitch drive

Lefty or Righty?: Left

Favorite Color: the champagne sheer of the sun pushing through the curtains in an early morning, baby pink of her favorite peonies, rich red velvet of box seats at the opera, the soft golden grey of art museum marble floors.

Cusser?: Yep - but controls it around her family because she doesn't have the patience or stamina for the lecture/scandal it would cause her mother.

Smoker? Drinker? Drug User?: Never smokes, drinks pretty often, regular cocaine use since her teens, a more recent venture into pills.

Biggest Regret: Letting it go on so long with Charles, the fact that she still lets her mother’s cruelty hurt her, not going to school for what she actually was interested in.

Pets: two italian greyhounds named Pogo & Banana

#we told you this was melodrama | development #wow finally

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williamsockner · 4 years

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I saw your comments about country music on the Chicks thread and I’m curious about your opinion. I grew up on country music and feel like “9/11 killed country” is pretty valid. But I’d love to hear your take because I miss it [country music].

Hi! So, my major issue with the “9/11 killed country music” post, as someone who listens to a ton of musical genres but has both a history of and soft spot for country, is that it’s a reductive, cherrypicking way to define an entire massive genre based on a handful of individual songs and high-profile artists that had their heyday at this point nearly two decades ago (Toby Keith, Big & Rich, etc.). It’s a very slanted read on pop radio country, and it’s not even remotely accurate to quantifying the broader genre.

It’s just bizarre that people allow their idea of the whole genre to be molded by a spate of reactionary right-wing songs that found traction immediately after 9/11 and then largely lost dominance in the genre. Most country songs on the radio are not about jingoism - they’re still about a lover done you wrong, or drinking after a hard day’s work, or finding happiness without much money, or teenagers in love, or about the tragedies of alcoholism and domestic abuse, or appreciating your small town, as so much of this genre has always been. If you look at the top 10 right now, there isn’t a patriot song in the whole thing (although two of the songs have overtly Christian references, but that’s always been part of country music too). The militaristic patriotism songs tend to just be one or two songs a year that end up in heavy rotation around the fourth of July and in September, but they get outsized attention comparatively because they’re so offensively grating.

And even after 9/11, for the last two decades most country songs on the radio still haven’t been “nationalist pop with twang”. Yes, in the 2000’s we had “Courtesy of the Red White and Blue” and “Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning” and “American Soldier”, but this was also LGBT+ supporter Shania Twain’s* and avowed Democrat Tim McGraw’s imperial phases, the era of “Before He Cheats” and “Concrete Angel” and “Red Ragtop”, the years that made a Blake Shelton song about breaking out of prison his calling card and gave Miranda Lambert a massive hit with a song about burning her abuser’s house down.

This isn’t to say that country is progressive. Country music has a major problem with being dominated by straight white men, and even straight white women spent several of the last years underrepresented** (to say nothing of LGBT+ artists and artists of color). But that issue predates 9/11, as does the whitewashing of country’s history; the aforementioned Ken Burns documentary does go into how white country musicians forced black musicians out of the scene and erased their accomplishments going back decades before 2001. “Proud to Be an American” and “God Bless the USA”, for the record, were recorded in 1980’s.

Country, as a genre, does lean more conservative than many other genres, but it still holds a wide array of political viewpoints, even on the pop charts. I’m not just talking about indie alt-country darlings, although I’ll get to those in a minute - even pop country megastars are a varied bunch. Eric Church, who currently has a hit on the top 10, just dropped a scathing track called “Stick That in Your Country Song” that cusses out underfunding schools and mass incarceration; Luke Bryan got a #1 hit in 2017 with a chorus that included “I believe you love who you love and ain’t nothing you should ever be ashamed of”; Carrie Underwood pinned an entire album and tour cycle around a single about escaping domestic abuse and recently released a song criticizing gun proliferation; Kacey Musgraves won a CMA for her hit single where she criticizes slut-shaming and encourages women to “kiss lots of boys or kiss lots of girls if that’s something you’re into”, then she won a Grammy for an album where she sings about smoking weed and dedicates an empowerment anthem to the LGBT+ community; Miley Cyrus had an explicitly bisexual song on her most recent “back to her roots” country album; Tim McGraw discussed running for governor of Tennessee as a Democrat and threw his support behind Obama way back during Obama’s 2008 campaign. I’ve been relatively unplugged from country radio for the last few years, but this is all stuff relatively off the top of my head.

And that moves us to alt-country. I die a little inside whenever someone says that they “just mean radio country” when they say they “hate country music”, because alt-country is just the tits. It just is. It’s the best. If someone says they listen to rock music, we don’t assume they only mean Nickelback and Shinedown - and yet somehow we’ve shut country out so much that we don’t even consider that there’s an entire world of the genre beyond what charts - and that world is rich and powerful and thoughtful and as valid a form of music as any other genre. Some favorites contemporary alt-country artists of mine (including some songs about immigration, opiate addiction, protesting war, sexism, agricultural exploitation, homophobia, one bashing Trump directly and even one about female cunnilingus): Courtney Marie Andrews, Ruston Kelly, Tyler Childers, Margo Price, Jason Isbell, Colter Wall, Ian Noe, Kathleen Edwards, Lydia Loveless, Lori McKenna, Amanda Shires, Ashley Monroe, Lucinda Williams, Over the Rhine, Samantha Crain, Shooter Jennings, Cam, John Moreland, Chris Stapleton, Lindi Ortega, Lavender Country, Cody Belew, Honey Harper, Lera Lynn, Nina Nastasia, Patty Griffin, Holly Williams.

The problem with the “9/11 killed country” attitude, to me, is that it’s a stance that requires limited knowledge of country that happened after 9/11 and a selective memory for the country that existed before 9/11. Jingoist country songs existed and found massive success before 9/11; more progressive country songs existed and found success after 9/11. Contrary to what people on tumblr seem to believe, the genre of country music was not just outlaw country, “Jolene” and Woodie Guthrie folk songs until Toby Keith came along; it was already highly Christian/gospel-influenced and highly patriarchal. And it was already full of goofy songs about getting drunk and partying and driving tractors, the predecessors to “bro country”.

I think, personally, we lose so much by centering “Courtesy of the Red White and Blue” and Florida Georgia Line as the first things we think of when we think about country music, because those songs and acts aren’t representative of the genre, or even of the pop country charts. We lose a lot because we lose sight of all the fantastic progressive or apolitical music in the genre, and we lose a lot because we ignore the sins of pre-9/11 country and the opportunity to critique its history of whitewashing, heteronormativity and cultural Christianity by likening it to some sort of good ol’ days.

Thank you for letting me ramble!

*I’m aware of Shania’s ignorant-ass Trump comments, but those reflect more recent political developments for her and came with a hasty retraction.

**Although lol the pop, rock and rap charts have all been brutal to women for the last several years.

#music #country music #i have a lot of feelings about country music #this got long #not-quite-wild

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traincat · 5 years

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how many relationships has Johnny had? did they /all/ end badly or does he, like, actually have some good ones in there

I wouldn’t say all of Johnny’s relationships are bad. He has some bad ones, some real bad ones, some good ones, some utterly forgettable ones, and some weird ones. I sometimes think a character’s first relationship kind of sets the tone for their future relationship history, like Peter Parker being in the middle of two love triangles and being the hot item in both of them. In Johnny’s case, his first relationship involved his girlfriend lamenting that he wasn’t more like other boys and saying she wished he wasn’t so flaming all the time. It’s a metaphor. But Johnny Storm’s relationship history, the quick and dirty version. For the sake of simplicity, I won’t be including one off mentions of celebrity dates and only addressing on page relationships.

Dorrie Evans: Johnny’s high school girlfriend who, as noted above, hated his flaming on and often compared him unfavorably to other boys, such as Peter Parker. Their relationship ended when Johnny ghosted her until she broke up with him, although they apparently remained on good enough terms for Dorrie to lend Johnny her car shortly afterward. When Johnny and Crystal broke up, Johnny tried to get back together with Dorrie only to find out she was married with kids. And that’s why we have Facebook now.

Valeria of the 5th Dimension: A beautiful blue girl who developed a crush on Johnny when he briefly ended up in her dimension during his Strange Tales days, Johnny mostly seemed awkward around Valeria. They kissed once later after Johnny broke up with Crystal (you may notice Johnny has a habit of revisiting past relationships, usually unsuccessfully) and then nothing ever happened with them again, and it’s unlikely to come back up seeing as Johnny now has a niece named Valeria (after a third totally unrelated Fantastic Four Valeria).

Crystal Amaquelin: Probably the most popular and well known of Johnny’s relationships, and for a good reason. Johnny and Crystal started their relationship as star-crossed teen lovers from different worlds yearning to be with each other, a superhero Romeo and Juliet without the murder-suicide, and once they are together, they’re honestly pretty cute.

(FF #67) They’re cute! That it’s probably Johnny’s happiest, most stable relationship is probably the reason it gets revisited a lot in AUs and future What Ifs, although I personally think the charm of it is in the teenage puppy love and that returning to it isn’t the best move for either character. The relationship falls apart when Crystal, who can’t tolerate the outside world’s polluted atmosphere, returns to the Inhumans and falls in love with Quicksilver, who she later married. Johnny took the break up hard, and he and Crystal later had an emotional affair when Crystal was on the Fantastic Four after leaving Pietro and when Johnny had only just gotten married, but things never progressed to a physical level mostly because Johnny refused to cheat.

Frankie Raye: Originally created by Roy Thomas, Frankie Raye was a beautiful redheaded girl with a deep-seated fear of fire who seemed tormented by Johnny’s status as a superhero. Thomas originally intended for her to be the daughter of Toro Raymond, the sidekick of the original Human Torch, but Frankie dropped off the pages before that could be revealed. Johnny briefly dated a girl named Lorrie Melton who he met while racing, but Lorrie broke up with him when it became apparent he was more interested in a serious relationship than she was. Frankie Raye resurfaced in Byrne’s run, where Byrne reworked her backstory so that, instead of Toro’s daughter, Frankie was the step-daughter of Phineas Horton, the man who created the original android Human Torch. As a child, Frankie suffered an accident that gave her flame powers. Horton hypnotized her to give her flame powers and to make her dress in a golden leotard to help control her powers. Frankie’s powers reawakened and for a time she joined the Fantastic Four, but her deep yearning to be wild and free -- an interesting contrast with how tightly under control Johnny keeps his powers -- led to her making the decision to become Galactus’ new Herald, a decision that left Johnny near suicidal when she left the planet.

(FF #244)

I don’t think there was anything wrong with Johnny and Frankie’s relationship during the duration of it, although I will note that it does the opposite of heat up, so to speak, once Frankie gets her powers, and that they had certain ideological differences that didn’t speak to a great future together. (Frankie occasionally displayed a violent side that on at least one occasion worried Johnny.) Much later, an alternate universe Frankie Raye who expressed feelings for Johnny violently assaulted him in the middle of battle, kissing him before throwing him to the ground, though.

Julie Angel and Sharon Selleck: Julie Angel was Frankie Raye’s roommate who, after Frankie disappeared with Galactus, Johnny developed a crush on, attending the same acting classes as her, although she didn’t seem to reciprocate his feelings. Her friend, Sharon Selleck, developed a crush on Johnny but when she made a move on him he rebuffed her:

(FF #259) If you read Fantastic Four, Johnny will occasionally say he used to date Julie, but it’s simply not true -- Julie does kiss him once, but he doesn’t reciprocate the embrace, and laments afterwards that he’s over her anyway, so. Mark those down at not relationships.

Zsaji: An alien Johnny shared a flirtation and a few kisses with during the original Secret Wars event. Johnny wasn’t very emotionally invested in the relationship, which is odd for him given he usually goes from 0 to 60 on the “now we’re in love” meter. Colossus was very emotionally invested, though. Very, very emotionally invested.

“Alicia Masters”/Lyja: Retroactively revealed to be the Skrull Lyja, Johnny and Alicia started dating in secret after Ben remained in space after Secret Wars. While Lyja would later admit that she got close to Johnny specifically for her mission, she claimed she only originally meant to be a confidante before falling in love with him, but it’s hard to tell with Lyja what you can and can’t take at face value when the character frequently lies. Johnny and Alicia officially get together in Fantastic Four #275, which marks Johnny’s first “sex scene” in the form of a morning after scene where he appears regretful about the night and might even be trying to break off the relationship before Alicia convinces him to continue it:

For reference, Peter’s first published “after the deed” scene is in Amazing Spider-Man #150, published 10 years before this. Though it caused problems with Ben when he returned from space, Johnny and Alicia got married in Fantastic Four #300, although pretty immediately there were relationship problems, including a lack of chemistry. Johnny had 1.5 emotional affairs, the first with Crystal. Later, when he was bodyjacked by Ravonna Ravenslayer in guise of Nebula, who used his powers to kill people and hit on Gladiator because I don’t know, she thought he was into blond twinks, I guess. Though the bodyjacking by Nebula is depicted to be both physically painful and emotionally traumatizing, with it being specifically compared to an incident where Johnny loses control of his powers, and overall a not so subtle rape metaphor, Johnny laments afterwards that he can’t stop thinking about how beautiful Nebula was and is guilty over the fact that he’s more attracted to her than Alicia. (I think the attempt was to make the original story both consensual and straight when it was neither.)

Shortly after this, “Alicia” is revealed by Ben and Alicia’s father to be a Skrull impostor and it comes out that Johnny never was with the real Alicia at all, her having been switched out when he was off planet. I have a couple of long posts unpacking The Lyja Story -- it’s a long, long story -- linked in this post but I think it’s important to note that Johnny thought he was consenting to a romantic and sexual relationship with a friend he trusted and not with an alien spy who had a mission to harm his family. Not only that, but after the Skrull reveal, Lyja attempts to murder Johnny, lies to him twice about a baby, once in an incident that could’ve led to the deaths of him and his family, and when Johnny specifically told her he didn’t want to see her anymore she invented a new identity -- Laura Green -- so she could continue to be with him without his knowledge, explicitly stating that she knows if Johnny knew it was her he wouldn’t want to be with her. She also used the Laura identity to insult and belittle him, calling him “trite and simple” and “pedestrian.” So when you want to talk about bad relationships Johnny’s been in, I think it’s hard to beat the one where he was raped, gaslit, abused, and stalked. A lot of writers tend to refer to this genuinely as a romance but I think it’s important to talk about what actually went on in the relationship and how it’s a pretty horrifying violation of Johnny on every level.

Alysande “Caledonia” Stuart: After Lyja disappeared from the pages following Heroes Reborn, Johnny rescued a woman from another Earth named Alysande Stuart and essentially hid her from the family in the basement. (They all knew.) Though Johnny implied he had feelings for Alysande and Alysande swore a deep loyalty to him, nothing physical ever happens between them, and the relationship never evolved beyond the platonic. They did go to Comic Con together once.

Namorita: Johnny briefly dated Namor’s cousin Namorita after they discovered they were a hit with the paparazzi, in the first of Johnny’s “celebrity” relationships that seem more based on their respective profiles than any honest attraction. Namorita and Johnny never spend much time together, something Fantastic Four itself remarks on. They break up off-screen. The comic itself doesn’t make the link that Johnny might’ve been targeted because of his former connection to her, but after Namorita dies in the Stanford Incident that incites comics’ Civil War, an angry mob beats Johnny into a coma.

Kourtney: A model Johnny briefly dated. This is another celebrity relationship -- and one where they don’t even seem to like each other very much. Kourtney complains about attending Franklin’s birthday party and breaks up with Johnny when the Fantastic Four lose their fortune, although they later briefly get back together. Nothing much to write home about here.

(Marvel Knights 4 #2)

Psionics: A bad girl bank robber Johnny briefly had a sexual relationship with -- before she helped a future version of Sue abduct him to use him as a power source in a move that might have killed him. Psionics later kisses Johnny, but the art suggests he doesn’t reciprocate before departing for a new planet. When they next see each other, Psionics attempts to kidnap Val and kills Alyssa Moy, a family friend of the Fantastic Four, in front of Johnny, before she’s murdered, also in front of Johnny.

Daken: This one is a doozy in part because the actual relationship is in a bit of a canonical grey area -- it’s only ever implied, although the implications are not at all subtle, that Johnny had a romantic and/or sexual relationship with Daken, Wolverine’s 70 pansexual son.

(Daken #4) Like I said: the implications aren’t subtle. Daken ingratiates himself with the Fantastic Four mostly through Johnny, including engineering his meeting with them by shooting Johnny through the thigh with an arrow. (Johnny doesn’t know Daken shot him, but also, holy penetration metaphor, Batman.) Daken later tricks Johnny into thinking he’s dead, fakes an attack on Franklin so he can stage it to seem like he rescued him, and then mostly likely, going by the above panels, had sex with Johnny right after, though again, that’s just an implication. I say this is a canon grey area because, while Marvel the conglomerate hasn’t acknowledged any canonical attraction to men on Johnny’s part, Marjorie Liu did say in a tweet that the subtext was intentional and readers were meant to sense something was up. After this encounter, Daken steals from Reed’s lab, and the next time Johnny sees him (which is after Johnny’s stint in the Negative Zone) Daken tells him that “real people stay dead.” Then Daken tries to murder Reed. I do hope that if/when Johnny comes out it’s revealed he’s head other relationships with men because this is a hell of a first one if otherwise.

Darla Deerling: Another Johnny celebrity relationship. Johnny dated pop star Darla Deering for a hot minute before getting her to take his place on an emergency replacement Fantastic Four, where Darla met and fell in love with Scott Lang. On his return, Johnny wasn’t too broken up about it, telling Wyatt Wingfoot that he was more attracted to Darla’s rock star lifestyle than to Darla herself. Lot to unpack there.

Rogue: Rogue and Johnny dated, allegedly, during the time skip after the 2015 Secret Wars, but we never see it on the actual page, and it’s acknowledged by most canon that Johnny is a huge mess during this point in time, grieving very badly for the family he thinks is lost. They flirt a little bit after their alleged break up during their time together on the Uncanny Avengers team but I have to admit, it can very easily be read as friendly.

(Avengers #689)

Medusa: Yes, as in, Crystal’s older sister, Medusa. This one’s a mess largely in part to the fact that the writer didn’t do the research and backread the Fantastic Four issues where Medusa was on the team with Johnny, where they were actually quite close although not romantically involved. Medusa and Johnny keep their relationship secret, which of course blows up in their faces when Crystal inevitably finds out and is furious with them. I think it’s easy to read this relationship as Johnny trying to latch onto what family he has left -- Ben is in space and not talking to him at this point in time, Reed and Sue and the kids are presumed dead -- in an effort not to self-destruct in a way that doesn’t quite work. The relationship ends with a whimper and not a bang when Medusa leaves Johnny.

So there you have it! The relationship history of Johnny Storm.

#johnny storm #marvel comics #*replies #long post/#traincat talks comics #assault ment//#Anonymous

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cruzrogue · 5 years

Text

Nerdapoolza

#Fictober19 @fictober-event

————————————————————————

for fanfiction:

Prompt number: Prompt 27 “Can you wait for me?”

Fandom (AU if applicable): #arrow fanfiction #olicity

Rating:PG13

Warnings/Tags: relationships conversations

Summary: A troubled Oliver visits his best-buddy and lands up having to hang with a bunch of nerds at a study group.

Notes: Oliver talks about his past relationships with a girl who listens and with her own advice things change…

~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~sp@ce~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~

Nerdapoolza on A03

Oliver has no idea when and why he let things go so far. Doing both Lance sisters was a disaster in the making. So much so that the outcome when visiting his best friend on the East Coast his troubles happen to come along. He just loved having sex. He liked having a girl at home to placid his mother at least. He just really liked the opposite sex and what they had to offer.

What he could do without is the complication some girls brought to the table. Neediness, those girls who couldn’t distinguish between sex and love. Never happy and who can never get enough attention or help. They have no tolerance for being alone. They're clingy. They don't take hints. They call or text you continuously.

Oliver deleting another angry text by Laurel as he just goes to the TV room. Tommy laid out on the lounger watching an oldie.

“Woman problems?” Oliver just shrugs. “I told you to end thing eons ago but do you listen?”

“My mom liked Laurel.”

“Yea, because your mom is the one dating your girlfriend… I mean the ex-girlfriend, now right?”

“I had to leave Starling. It was insane. She’d show up wherever I went. Call, text, shoot even email me.”

“Well your free now. You need a cooling down period anyways?”

“Cooling down?”

“Yes. No girls for at least two weeks.”

“What? No way. Two weeks?”

“Whatever girl you date next shouldn’t fall into the mess you’ve got going on now.”

Oliver takes a moment to think this through, “Okay I get that but no way on the two weeks’ policy I’ll try to manage one.”

“There is no policy it’s just… You know what, if you could manage one without hitting on a girl. I’d be amazed.”

“Oh, please it’s not that hard.”

“Yea maybe when we were eight and we still thought them as yucky.” Tommy looks at his watch. “Alright I better setup for my study group I’m hosting tonight.”

“You actually hosting a study group?”

“Of course, Like my GPA to reflect how kick ass I am.”

“Nerdapoolza.”

“Ha, maybe if you actually cracked open a book, you’d be more than an average student.”

“Shit Tommy, you’ve insulted me in a few things today you want to try my manhood next?”

Tommy holds his hands up, “Bro, if the ladies are okay with you, which it seems they are because let’s face it they seem to bend over backwards for you.” Oliver rolls his eyes. “If you like you can hang out with us intellects.”

“Aren’t I lucky?”

“Here’s the deal. It’s a group of nine, four ladies the rest all guys. We all roughly go to different schools we met through online groupchat pipelines.”

“You just met these strangers online?”

“Well you meet face to face first in a public place and we had more of us but through semesters some have weened out.”

“Fascinating?”

“Ollie, I really enjoyed this. I’ve meet people with my same interests or people who make lackluster subjects that need to be taken easier. Also, there is a comradery.”

“Have you hooked up with anyone?”

“This isn’t like that. If I want to get laid there are better alternatives these are peeps, I want to mindcrush with.”

“So, no hot chicks?”

“There has been a few and well there is one that gets under my skin at times. You’ll meet her.”

“Plays hard to get?”

“No, she’s different?”

Oliver wonders if she is the crazy, bitchy kind of girl that is beautiful but out there. “Crazy? Pure lunatic? Or are you leaning the other way? Boring and predictable?” Seeing Tommy mum his lips, “Underage?”

“No actually she is legal since this past July.”

“Then what is wrong with her?”

“Nothing!” Tommy laughs. “She’s great. Smart to boot and she can dish out like the best of them. She just has different tastes than me.”

“She ‘ll be here tonight?”

“Yea, she’s also in charge of the chip selection.”

“Chips?”

“Yes, they’re brain food if you ask her and they are cheap enough that everyone can handle their chip turn.”

“You guys sound like the lamest party group on the planet.”

“Good thing we are a study group. Come on help me makes some drinks.”

“They won’t have any alcohol, right?” Tommy just sways his head in a different no position.

As there in the kitchen Oliver just watch Tommy take a veggie plate from the fridge. Placing some cut up fruit from a container onto a bowl. Oliver mixing some extra ice to the ready-made ice tea.

“So, what the subject for tonight?”

“Physics and Statistics.”

“Great!”

“In between we may play a game Charades but mostly we talk about what ails us.”

“You really want me to actual negate points now?”

“Come on Ollie, you may actually enjoy a night of brainpower and sharing personal stories at its finest.”

“Shit, if I wasn’t so into proving I can lay off woman for a week I’d take off and enjoy the city’s nightlife.”

“You’d be missing out!”

As the first ring on the doorbell happened Oliver laughs, “Nerdapoolza here we come.”

“Hush!” Tommy opens the door to a Mike and then a Craig and Lisa join in. Soon Phil, and Jessica, and a Robbie joins them. When Carol joins the festivities Oliver wonders if she is the girl but she didn’t bring chips. As they spread around the nice living room the doorbell rings again and Oliver takes the lead to open it.

“Tommy, I got held up by the elevator. I mean why does your place’s elevator have it out for me anyway?” He can’t see her over the large bags of chips she’s carrying. “They had this sale and I couldn’t remember if it green or red salsa Lisa likes so I got them both. The had lime flavored popcorn that Rob likes and I also got you your nachos.” She keeps going and its weirdly amusing as she walks herself to the kitchen. She says hi to everyone without even glancing their way. As she dumps the chips on the counter, she simultaneously takes her backpack off.

From his vantage point he just sees her backside. A really nice backside. His eyes wavering until he focuses and what an interesting view it is. She’s wearing ankle grunge boots, her tie up leggings go up to a flair skirt and it seems she has a wraparound top. With the conversation earlier on this girl he can’t believe he didn’t ask for her name.

“Hence why I’m late and you know I’m an early bird.” She stops as she places the bag she has idly on her hand. Somehow, she is thinking it is weird that Tommy hasn’t stopped to add a colorful comment. “What’s gotten into you…” Her face shows shock the moment she realizes it’s not Tommy. “Who are you?”

“This is my best-buddy in the world.” Tommy says cheerfully as he walks into his kitchen. “We have been through some thick and thin times?”

Felicity glances between the two and then rolls her eyes. “Yea, I bet. Who drank the last beer and who was somber enough to get more?”

Oliver a little irked, “Wow! Really? He just means we made it through high school. Nothing to deep.”

Tommy can see Felicity size his friend up. Either she was going to go after his male ego or sock him.

“Well! Congratulations on that achievement. You know…”

Cutting her off, “Felicity, here is a Mathalon champion.” Oliver gives a don’t give a hoot look. “One of the reasons we are here tonight is how everyone of us has something to give. Tommy gives Oliver a freaking behave look. It has Oliver raise his hands in surrender but he still has a disgruntled look as Felicity is moving bowls and acting like she owns the place.

Pulling Tommy to the side, “What’s her deal?”

“I said she was different. She’s the alpha here. Just go along with it.”

“You have got to be kidding me?”

“I swear Ollie give it some time. Just go with it. She’ll win you over.” Oliver just sighs and says fine to his friend. They join the others and Oliver just has a notebook he tries to at first follow everyone and after the first hour Oliver has just mentally closed off this group as he’s been doodling. It takes a hand to his thigh to get him to stir back to present time.

“I brought you a drink. You’ve been creating a really cool masked man, is that a bow?” Oliver looks down to his artwork and doesn’t really know why he drew this. “Well I think its cool. Not much into archery. Well… Not into many sports.”

“I’ve actually done some archery when I was younger.”

“I’m sorry about earlier. It was bad manners and I’m am sorry.”

He doesn’t know what to say so he nods and thanks her for the drink. Somehow from there on he enters the conversation with the group and finds himself walking the remarkable girl who grew on him this bizarre night.

They find themselves in a coffeeshop and there really is no topic off limits. Somehow dating became the subject and within the confides of what they’re talking about she off handily says, “Can you wait for me?”

“If your okay waiting about a week.”

“Huh?”

Seeing her confusion, he’d like to ditch the week thing but he decides to do something different tell her a truth, “I hate that I’m going to say this.” He huffs, “But I’m in a cooling period.”

“Oh! Though you gave yourself a week to figure out things with a girl?”

“What? No. I… I really don’t know much about this cooling off period thing but I’m not in a relationship. I messed up royally.”

“Do you want her back? Maybe talking to someone who isn’t Tommy would do you good.”

“Funny thing is I couldn’t fully ever break up with her.”

“Maybe there is something there. You really do need a cooling off period then.”

“Actually, you don’t understand. I’m not a good boyfriend.” Moaning, “I’ve cheated on her numerous times and yet she’d be disappointed but she’d take me back and the process would continue.”

“Hmm… It seems you are wondering if you a serial cheater? How many other girls have you cheated on?”

“I actually haven’t had many girlfriends. Other than Laurel they were all short lived and I guess no time to cheat.”

“Then you need to tell yourself what makes Laurel different than these girls?”

He doesn’t need time to answer because it flows through his lips, “Because she keeps my mom off my back.” Hearing Felicity making a displeased tone he needs to add, “Yea, I don’t think I need a longer cooling off period to figure that Laurel and I aren’t right for one another.”

“Okay, step one is figuratively figured out. Now you need time to reckon out what you want, to feel your own emotions, and to work on the next two things.”

“There’s more?”

“A week won’t solve anything but if you actually take the time.”

“If I take the time? Like another week?”

“I have no idea. It could take a week, a month.”

He blurts out, “Five years?”

“God, no. Five years would feel like a lifetime.”

Oliver just looks at the girl that is truly different like Tommy said. They keep talking and talking and after a week make it two, they’re still talking. Conversations that last longer as seasons change. Time may pass as they exchange heartfelt dialogue to one another in front of friends and family. Arguments over baby names. Sharing milestone anniversaries.

Although Oliver makes sure to have all the assorted chips under the sun. To him it commemorates one of the best celebrations as for one evening every year they host “Nerdapoolza.” From that one-day years ago every chat with Felicity has pushed him further to accept his situation and commit to change. He is this gleeful man today because he is loved and is loving the best part of him, his amazing tenacious wife.

***Thanks for reading as I try as I might to get all these stories out as soon as I can. It’s been a struggle at times. I have 4 more to go.Thank you all for reading!!!

#fictober19 #olicity #arrow #oliver queen #felicity smoak #thomas merlyn

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violetlunette · 5 years

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Why I don’t like Ross and Rachel as a couple from FRIENDS

Okay, I know I’m gonna get some hate for this, but I hope you’ll hear me out (or rather read me out). I’m also sorry if others have said this and said it better as I haven’t been able to find anything as of late. This is just a rant about a couple that I feel never should have gotten together. So if you like this these two together then I don’t think this is the post for you. And also, spoilers? (I mean doe it count if it’s an old show?)

First off let me say that I like both these characters and neither of them are bad people.

Ross is such a sweet, caring person who is always their for his friends and willing to help out; he bought Phoebe a bike (despite Phoebe always being the first to poke fun at him) and taught her to ride it, he walked his ex wife down the asile when her parents refused to even show up and convinced her to go through with the wedding when she had doubts, despite his heart breaking I might add. And when Joey expressed genuine feelings for Rachel he told Joey to go for it and he would get over his own feelings. He’s also very adorkable which I find very cute.

Rachel on the other hand is hard worker with some naivety and has the most character growth in the series. She’s also really cute, but able to stand up for herself and her child when she needs to. Rachel is also very smart—despite what others may think as she managed to go from having no money to being given a job offer in pair in a career known to tear people apart. (The Devil wears Prada anyone?)

So, yeah I like Ross and Rachel a lot--I just don’t like these two together. Why? Because they bring out the worse in each other and in turn make the other feel bad about themselves.

On Ross’ side his rampant jealousy goes too far. He’s possessive and even when they’re not together he believes that Rachel is HIS Rachel.

Now I understand why he’s this way; his wife left him because she fell in love with someone else—for a woman nonetheless. Ross thought they were happy and comfortable only to find out that this wasn’t the case at all. This has left him deep scars and trust issues, Ross even admitted that’s it’s hard to trust Rachel because Carol hurt him and he doesn’t want it to happen again. The problem however is he never learns to deal with this and as a result has possessive, clingy, and jealousy fueled streak in him that would make him dangerous in real life and unappealing on the show.

Ross has made several snide remarks about Rachel’s intelligence throughout the show even though she’s been shown to be quite intelligent. She may not be “Harvard,” but she manages to rise from a waitress to a manager in fashion industry with little to no experience. Yet despite this and the effort she put in Ross sees her achievements as unimportant and childish. He even makes her feel dumb just because she doesn’t understand things that most people wouldn’t ether.

Not to mention Ross is always putting Rachel’s jobs down.

When Chandler and Joey convince him to make a list he calls her “just a waitress” forgetting the fact that it was her FIRST job. It was literally her first step into the work world and she did the best she could with it. Yet that wasn’t good enough for him. He didn’t respect the fact she was working hard to make a life for herself. And those were his thoughts, not Joey and Chandler’s who just suggested he make a list to help him pick, Ross is the one who stated she was just a waitress.

Then when her perseverance pays off and she gets a career in field she loves (nothing short of a miracle even in the 90s) Ross shows no support or respect. On her first day of work at a job she EARNED by working hard and putting her heart into, Ross calls her repeatedly, sends gifts that crowd her work area and make it hard for her to do her job. Ross didn’t do this to be sweet or supportive, but to mark his “territory.” Why does he do this? Because Rachel reminded him that a guy helped her get the job and that she would be working with him.

Then when Rachel had to work on her anniversary Ross bulldozed his way in to her office with a picnic basket and made it impossible to do her job until she couldn’t handle it threw him out. Then when she returns home after finally finishing her work he doesn’t even apologize. In fact he doesn’t think he did anything wrong. He even calls her career “just a job” and “not important.” Those are his exact words to her face. This is despite the fact Rachel had told him everyday since she got the job how important it is to her and how much she loved it.

To Ross her career just “clothes” which is why he can’t understand why her job would be so important—if she wasn’t going there to see someone else. Due to his trust issues Ross had convinced himself that the reason she loved her job wasn’t due to the fact she loved working with something that interests her, but because she gets to see Mark. Ross—like so many others, sadly—couldn’t imagine a boy and girl just being friends, even though Rachel even points out she’s friends with Joey and Chandler while Ross himself is friends with Phoebe.

Because of this he decides to horn in on a lecture that Rachel wanted to see and while there Ross is rude, disruptive, and embarrassing. Give Rachel a little credit; as bored as she is with Ross’ job she at least managed to behave at the speeches and even stay awake. He doesn’t even apologize to her when they get back to the apartment and instead insults the lecture and the fact she’s interested in it.

Going back to the “picnic basket fiasco”--Even as she is telling him to his face why she loves what she she does and why she’s throwing her all into it he disregards every word she says and immediately brings up Mark. He wasn’t even apart of the conversation (or there at the time Ross butted it).

Which leads us to everyone’s favorite topic--I apologize, but we have to talk about “the break thing.” I know all FRIENDS fans are sick of this, but I’m doing a discussion on Ross and Rachel so I have to.

Clearly, what Rachel meant to say was, “I’m overwhelmed right now need some space to think for awhile so please leave me alone” which is understandable. Keep in mind that at this time Ross’ jealousy, possessiveness, and trust issues were making her miserable throughout the relationship. Also Ross had just got done demeaning her work and the efforts she put into it as well. It wasn’t unfair that she wanted time to think and clear her head.

However what she SAID was, “I think we should take a break from us.” That means you’re breaking up with the intent of getting back together, but you’re still breaking up—temporarily, but still—so technically Ross was within his rights to sleep with someone else.

However, the only reason Ross slept with the copy girl was to hurt Rachel because he thought Rachel was with Mark. Rachel on the other hand was just calling a friend to comfort her as everyone else was busy at the time; Monica and Phoebe were on a double date while Joey and Chandler were at the club. She wasn’t out to hurt anyone, she just wanted to talk to someone about her feelings. She wasn’t even thinking of Mark as a romantic partner, just a friend to help her get through a bad situation. Ross on the other hand wanted to “get even” with Rachel. I know he was vulnerable, depressed, and angry, but that doesn’t change the fact that he used a random girl he who never hurt him just to get back at his ex. (Fortunately she wasn’t emotionally hurt by this, but it was still a dick move.)

Also, let’s not forget that Ross pushed Rachel to the point where she wanted “a break.” He overwhelmed her, disregarded her interests, her career, and even her feelings because he was insecure with himself and their relationship. So when it comes to the break thing, Rachel does have the higher ground.

There’s also the fact that because Rachel was indifferent to him when she was in HIGH SCHOOL he co-founded a ‘I hate Rachel’ club and then spread a rumor that she was hermaphrodite cheerleader. Oh and let’s not forget how he handled their accidental marriage. To save his bruised ego he refused to get the annulment and then lied to her about it. Then he takes advantage of Rachel’s vulnerability when she’s leaving her apartment to get her to move in with him, even though she doesn’t know their married. Dick move Ross, dick moves all around.

But is this post about Ross bashing? No, not at all; yes Ross has flaws, but I like him a lot. A lot of his insecurity comes from his friends poking fun at a sore subject which includes his first wife ditching him for another woman with their son and a second marriage where he was willing to give up everything just for a chance to make it work.

In his first marriage Carol cheated on him when he thought everything was fine and they were happy together. Sorry Carol fans, but gay or not cheating is still cheating when you’re married. He loved Carol and she hurt him badly. Yet he can’t just get over it because every time he drops Ben off he has to see the woman who betrayed him with the “other” woman and see them living the dream life he always wanted and still wants. So I do understand Ross’ behavior. HOWEVER that doesn’t give it a free pass as he never admitted these issues or tried to get better.

Rachel has just as many flaws herself which becomes clearer after their break up. It was hard for Ross, but he eventually accepted that the relationship was over and tried to move on—which drove Rachel mad. Whenever Ross got a new date Rachel would become a jealous vamp. She would take steps to sabotage his relationship with the women even when the ladies did nothing to her—hell, most were even nice. An example is when Rachel convinced Bonnie to shave her head even though she never did anything to her, just to punish Ross and maybe break them up. She even backstabs Julie, and insults another girl just for flirting with Ross, and was even willing to ruin his wedding with Emily just because she decided she wanted him back. (Dr. House even called her out on this.)

To top it off she was always so vindictive towards him. She never got over the fact he “cheated” (YMMV) on her and wanted him to feel guilty about it forever. She wanted to punish him forever for that one action and makes it clear countless occasions she will never forget or forgive it. Hell, when they got back together after the beach episode Ross is willing to let the break thing go after talking to Joey and Chandler, however she just kept twisting the knife into him until he snapped. There’s also the fact she had to have him sign a piece of paper in the first place—most likely to use it in future arguments.

In fact, neither of them are willing to cave on the “were they on a break” even in the very last episode Ross brought it up (yes, I’m aware it was a joke, but still).

Some will argue that they learned their lesson, but no, they didn’t. When they move in together after Rachel has the baby Ross slips back into his possessive, jealous streak again by hiding messages from her and bringing strange women back to the apartment just to make her jealous. Fortunately they realized that all their old problems were still there and split--until the finale where they decided to get together despite all the stuff that broke them up still being there and never resolved.

Here’s where I give up on format and just blab and possibly repeat myself (sorry). Here are my main issues with the couple;

1: They have nothing in common. No, seriously; name one thing they both like. Not only do they not have any common interests, but it’s shown over, and over that they find the other’s interest boring and nonsensical. They don’t even try to enjoy or understand WHY the other person likes what they do. And yes, I understand that couple don’t have to always like the same thing, but they have to have SOMETHING in common.

2: They don’t respect each other. These two demean each other over and over again countless times. Ross make it clear that he doesn’t think Rachel is intelligent and Rachel is always calling him a geek and a loser. Which leads me to my next point;

3: They make the other feel bad about themselves. Rachel feels dumb around Ross and Ross feels like a nerd. Why would anyone be someone who makes them feel awful about themselves? Also...

4: They bring out the worst in each other. Yeah, think about Rachel and Ross’s worse traits—who brings these traits out the most? Each other.

In conclusion I think these two are terrible together because they never work on their issues; Ross is jealous, insecure, judgmental while Rachel is vindictive and unwilling to forgive Ross for the past, not to mention she’s hypocritical in and out of the relationship. They have NOTHING in common except for being easily jealous, they don’t respect each other or their interests, they make the other feel horrible about themselves and in the end they just bring out the worst in themselves as a couple.

In my opinion they’re better as friends and amiable exes. I DON’T think Rachel should have gotten on that plane in the end though because while he and Rachel shouldn’t be together, Ross deserved to be apart of his daughter’s life. Ross is not a bad father. While we don’t see them on screen a lot it’s been stated that Ross sees his son a lot and is fairly decent, minus the typical 90s thing of forcing gender norms, which he is always called out on. Whatever else Ross didn’t deserve to have his daughter taken to another country.

So yeah, those are my thoughts. If you like the pair, that’s fine. I just wanted to get all this out in a rant.

#anti roschel #anti ross and Rachel #friends #again sorry if i'm just repeating what others have said.#I love the tv show however

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pathofvybez · 5 years

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Honest Opinion of Myself

Hello Everyone,

Fun facts about me, I don’t know who the fuck I really am.

For the longest time I thought I was the man who had all the answers to my questions a stable rock who could suppress his emotions and past with ease. Someone for others to lean on and always be seen as the best.

Fuck was I wrong....

I recently had the worst breakup of my life and at first I just pondered why I could hurt the love of my life in the ways I did. I kept thinking I was a monster doubting all the work from my past thinking I do everything for selfish reasons. All of my problems rushing in and all of the times I fucked up clouding my mind.

Let me take a step back to help people understand this mind of mine.

When I got into my first relationship I was a happy junior in high school who just was happy to have someone in my life. I never no sexual knowledge but my SO did at the time. She cheated on me a week into our relationship. (got fingered by one of my friends in a photo booth at Disney world). I didn’t find this out until after our second time dating, but the damage was done. I had believed my lack of experience was the reason for our breakup, I couldn’t stand it and melted into goo when it happened my first love over.....

4 months later we started talking again..everything seemed fine but I still hadn’t known that she cheated on me. We went on 3 dates and all the time I had tried being more masculine and trying to impress her with my sexual dominance. Then I found out she cheated on me.

We met up in the woods behind her house and planned to just make out, but my mind went numb I thought at this point that she would only love me if I was as rough as the other guys. I took initiative my heart racing my ears ringing and never even took the time to hear her say stop. I felt empowered and free. When I looked into her eyes though I realized the damage was done. She was fearful of me and for good reason. I pushed her boundaries and made what should feel like an amazing time traumatic.

She called me a monster... guess that is where I adopted the name for myself.

Flash forward to college. (I had suppressed my memories at this point believing nothing had happened)

I got in a string of FWB but never went all the way, built up a rep to people though that I was someone who truly had pull. All of the girls I met I would make feel good just to justify that I was good, I never wanted anything really just wanted to make them feel good which in my mind had to be physical.

Then I met my first crush. It was my senior year of college, she and I were friends in an organization and hit it off fast. we spent every night hanging out till 3am and thought the world was our oyster. one problem was that she had a boyfriend.

Her boyfriend wasn’t the best human in the world so I tried taking her away from him and pushing on my selfish motives so she could see I was the guy she would want. Instead all I did was have one of the most horrifying days of my life when I made her get hurt through a string of texts she sent to me the night she cut herself.

I have never been more helpless in my life up until that point....

We stopped talking after all of that till we became friends again(*friends*)

all was good I ended up graduating happy and in my own mind.. made a band loved it to death and spent most of my summer focused on that only.

Fall rolled around and I was in my feelings, met this girl at a soccer game and I gotta tell you I had no idea I would fall so hard for her. One problem with this was she identified as gay.

So obviously I wasn’t gonna push my selfish motives a second time in my life so I backed away...sorta

We started talking near the end of October and starting texting everyday never taking a breath to realize how fast we were bonding. By the end of November all of my friends doubted her intentions wondering if we would just be friends or be in love. I just enjoyed being happy with someone to talk too..it had been a minute since I could have someone to have such in depth conversations with.

texts became late night hangouts which became late night movies at the theatre I worked at which became almost a daily thing.

I think the week before we realized we were gonna date we had spent every day together in some capacity, I couldn’t get enough of her and as she would stay for my entire shift at a movie theatre on Sunday nights I could tell she couldn’t get enough of me.

So I finally asked her if she liked me in the most awkward way possible after she confessed that she identified as BI. She told me how much she liked me and we hit if off right away. Before our first date we said we were boyfriend and girlfriend and that really set the tempo...

Now here comes the problems..in all this time I never addressed the issue from my first relationship or other problems with my past. I just assumed burying them would make my life easy and I could just move on...wrong.

Fast forward a couple months and we decide to have sex..wow was I happy but boy did I hate condoms. Then it became something I was addicted too, I just wanted sex all the time. This became a problem as my love didn’t think the someway (most people don’t think the same way) but I would pressure her anyways (flag 1). We finally had a sit down after a while and talked about this problem I had and I promised to work on it thinking the problem was I just felt bored. I had no idea the problems stemmed way back in my life.

Months passed I love you was said and everything was great. Then I started falling back into my habit and my love had to tell me again to cool it and how it was bothering her. Little did we both know when she would shoot me down from having sex it just made me feel like I wasn’t good enough like how my first ex thought.

Again I promised to change and we went on being happy, the cycle continued...

Until July when after she came back from being home I bothered her after about going all the way one night even though she was adamant about my pushing her boundaries.

2 days later we talk about not having sex for a while..

Now at this point you all must be think gin (duhhh you should just not have sex)

But my dumbass decided to seek advice from those who never knew my girlfriend or those who just wanna tell me things I think I wanna hear.

So the next day I tell her how I do wanna have sex more after our period of break and healing. we also talk about our future get in a full fledge crying fight in the rain and resolve. (I went in for a make out session cause rom coms really made me believe that was the right thing)

The next day was great we ate dinner together watched our shows and I spent the night and it was lovely.

The day after not so much...I didn’t know why I was in a rut and said some awful things (oh yea I have mood swings we will get to that later). I told her how weird the night was and that she felt like a friend at the moment.

She didn’t tell me but she never went to work and instead got high with friends and I assumed the worst and thought she was gonna break up with me so I asked her if she was and that hit the nail on the coffin.

on our 7 month anniversary we broke up..now to all the people who didn't know all the drama from the past 4 days building up (almost everyone) the breakup was a big shock.

--------------------Post Breakup--------------

Almost done here everyone who actually reads this.

I started going to therapy where I found my flaws of co dependency I had built on this relationship cause of my fear of taking risks in my career and life. I also found out I had no control over my emotions which is why I typically had my past memories flood my mind all the time and never could really figure out how I felt. But the worst was realizing the relationship between my first ex dynamic and the one with my most recent ex.

I started seeking god and forgiveness. I tried contacting my ex to let her know how I had changed and that I'm still improving but I hope we could at least talk in the future. She still to this day has never reached out since the breakup. (we are only 3 weeks but it has felt like an eternity)

My ex had advocated for me to never look into trying to get back what I lost, and she is right I can’t get back what I lost. I know for now I am working on myself and that is what is best. But you all better know that when I am good I will get that girl back because I have never felt closer to someone in my life and I don’t want to lose a chance to have a life with her.

this is me signing off....

Noah

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bringmetolife-pwff · 3 years

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Part One : Chapter Twenty-Eight - Front Page Disaster!

Evelyn Bennett Thrown Drinks at Her! Must See!

Evelyn Bennett gets into a brawl with ex-best friend!

EVELYN BENNETT'S WILD NIGHT OUT WITH THE ROYALS

. while Prince William is away Evelyn goes out to play

. Evelyn Bennett and Blair Taylor go off

. "You bitch" was yelled.

. Evelyn isn't such a nice girl after all

Late last night Evelyn Bennett, 24, was seen leaving Raffles like a hot mess! She was seen entering well put together and beautiful and by the end she had alcohol thrown at her and words were thrown between her and her ex-best friend Blair Taylor.

Witnesses from the club said that it seemed pretty heated. At one point Blair was told to 'sod off.'

Threats were made and drinks were thrown. There are rumours circling round that Prince William and Evelyn Bennett are dating but nothing has neither been confirmed nor denied. Though, she does spend her days now with Prince William, Prince Harry and their family and friends.

What we know:

Blair Taylor and Evelyn Bennett have a complicated history.

They were best friends since primary school and only seven months ago did their friendship end due to infidelity on her ex-fiance Liam Matthews' part. Some speculated that Evelyn cheated on him first but those claims have been debunked and classified as not true.

Evelyn Bennett was seen getting into some pretty heavy language with ex-best friend although we don't know what exactly was being said.

Prince William and Evelyn were first seen getting cosy together at his and Prince Harry's late mum, Princess Diana's remembrance concert in July of 2007.

We here at DailyMail UK have reached out to Ms. Evelyn Bennett's reps but have received no comment.

Evelyn read the article and let out a groan as she fell back against her pillow. How could she be so bloody daft thinking that she wouldn't be front page? And William was away which made everything worse! She wasn't able to reach him as easily if even at all while he was gone. She heard her mobile ring and at first she didn't want to answer it - but then she saw that Harry was calling and decided to answer instead.

"Are you okay, Evie?" Harry asked without greeting her.

He went straight to the point. He had seen the tabloids. Unlike the rest of his family, he checked them pretty frequent. Mainly to see if all the ruckus he caused sometimes would end up on the tabloids. Maybe it was him being paranoid. Maybe it was him caring too much. But he did it anyway and in this instance he was glad that he did.

When he saw his good friend and his brother's girlfriend on the front page of pretty much every tabloid he could think of he knew it wasn't for something good she had done. It was never like that for him either. Unlike him though - he knew that she was good and that she didn't deserve this. She was a good person with a semi-bad relationship past, but didn't most of us?

It was only then at that question that Evelyn started to cry over the mobile. She didn't cry very often but this was a pretty big deal to Evelyn as she had also read the comments as well which didn't do her much justice.

Why is she hanging out with the Royal family?

She's tainting their image.

I hope to God that she isn't dating Prince William. She isn't good for him. He deserves better.

And there was so much more. So much more. The hate was overwhelming her to the point where she had to tell her assistant Sam that she wouldn't be coming in to work today. Sam and the other workers were understanding and wished her well.

"I'll be over soon with some take out okay? And I'm not taking no for an answer," he told her as all he heard was crying.

"Okay," she replied quietly and Harry hung up.

Less than hour later, Harry arrived at her place not having been here before, it was a first for him. It was a bit odd for him being here whilst William was away, but he knew he wanted to be here for his good friend. And he knew William would appreciate it.

Evelyn had been in touch with her family earlier as well as the girls from the night before. She was thankful that she had such a good support system who was there for her. Her dad especially was worried about her. He knew that when news broke that she was dating the future King of England that the paparazzi and the tabloids will be much worse for his daughter. He hoped he was wrong though and that she would be able to handle it when the time came. He always taught his children to be tough but that it was okay to break down sometimes. Peter taught them that sometimes its the strongest people who need to have a

He cared for Evelyn, obviously not in the same way as his brother, but she was his good friend and was there for him in his breakup with Chelsy. He felt it was only right to be there for her during this tough time.

"I brought pizza," he exclaimed holding up the pizza boxes and the cheesy bread which was her favourite. "It's your favourite right?"

"Yes," she tried letting out a little laugh but it hurt. "Thank you Harry. Come in, you didn't have to do that though. I have food here."

"I know," he shrugged his shoulders. "But we all like our comfort food during hard times."

They hugged each other after he set down the pizza and cheesy bread boxes on her kitchen counter. It felt like comfort and the next best thing since William couldn't be here. They moved over to her sectional sofa after he took off his shoes and they were comfortable.

"I don't even know why I let it bother me," Evelyn told him as she ate a piece of her cheese pizza and then dipped her cheesy bread into marinara sauce to eat. "I'm used to this. I should be used to this. I've grown up with it my whole life."

"I've grown up with it my whole life and so has Wills. We still aren't used to it," he shrugs his shoulders. "It's okay to not be used to it because it's not normal. This was also a very personal thing that happened to you before you met Will - that should have never became public news."

"Thank you Harry, for being here for me. I really appreciate you," she told him as she hugged him.

"It's really no problem. So what do you want to watch? We have Star Wars and Disney movies or rom-coms."

"You like rom-coms?" She asked raising a brow as he shrugged his shoulders.

"I've watched a few with my ex-girlfriends. So which is it?"

"Star Wars. I need something that doesn't remind me of anything that I've gone through in the last twenty-four hours."

"On it," Harry said as he got up from the sofa and popped in Star Wars Episode I - The Phantom Menace.

The theme song started to play for Star Wars that played for pretty much every Star Wars movie and the words popped up on the screen in the font for the movie.

The taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems is in dispute. Hoping to resolve the matter with a blockade of deadly battleships, the greedy Trade Federation has stopped all shipping to the small planet of Naboo.

She always loved the Star Wars movie series and had even gone to Disneyland when she lived in New York. She loved Tomorrowland and all of the scientific discoveries in it as well as the rides. Evelyn missed living in the States and being so close to Disneyland for that reason. She had quite the collection of Star Wars things along with Harry Potter. She knew to some people it probably seemed childish to them but she loved them.

For the rest of the afternoon, up until Harry had to leave for a Royal engagement of his own, they watched Star Wars and other tv shows whilst eating pizza and cheesy bread. Harry was also in the military and was leaving soon to go back to military training. She would miss him as she loved spending time with him and he the same with her. They were like two peas in a pod whenever they were together.

"Whose your favourite character in Star Wars?" Harry asked her as he drank his beer.

"Definitely Padmé. You?"

"Luke Skywalker," he then proceeded to imitate himself using an invisible light saber and making the noises it would make as Evelyn laughed. "Would you ever name your kids after any Star Wars characters?"

"No," she laughed at the comment. "Luke and possibly Leia maybe. Those are normal but the others? No! I can't believe that people actually do that. Would you?"

"Bloody hell no. There's much better names than those, I reckon."

For the next several days Evelyn remained low-key, not even issuing a statement out on her social media platforms. She had been informed by Samantha that tabloid companies had been reaching out to her for a statement and Evelyn told her to tell them 'no comment.'

There was nothing to tell. It wasn't the world's business anyway what went on in Evelyn's private life.

It should have never made front page.

a/n: sorry for the shortish chapter - i'll try and make the next one longer. hope you all are doing well!

what do you think of Harry and Evelyn's friendship? like it or no?

the paparazzi always ruin things :( who do you think sent them?

#bringmetolife-pwff prince William princewilliamfanfic britishroyalfamily prince harry kate middleton romance fanfiction

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juuls · 7 years

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Facing uncomfortable truths about abuse

This week has been about facing truths, some of which I wish I never had to face, and I know that Mr. Juulna has had to face some pretty harsh truths as I have spoken them to him. Some he has accepted, at least at face value, and some I don’t think he will ever be willing to face, let alone accept.

One of which (is a vast meta umbrella) is that he abused me.

But... it was in a subtle way. Before last Tuesday, July 4th (yes, apparently fate decided to be dramatic with me and its timing), I was unwilling to truly accept that I was abused.

I wasn’t being physically abused. No, not often. (Yeah, and isn’t that a ridiculous sounding statement.)

But subtle, emotional abuse, is still abuse.

And it took me reading this passage in a fic I was reading, a poly Avengers fic called all this devotion (i never knew at all). It... has some tough topics, especially concerning Tony, a sub, and his former relationship with his dom, Obadiah Stane (the dude Tony killed in the first Iron Man movie).

[Thank you so much @themonstersoflove for writing this beautiful fic and helping me handle my own problems dealing with abuse. You don’t know how much this helped me.]

Like... okay, fine. Poly and slash and sub/dom isn’t for everyone. The latter is certainly not my usual cup of tea to read, but I don’t mind it at all. I sort of read everything in a ship or fandom I enjoy. And this I very much enjoyed, but for more than the smut. It was an emotional journey, and an important one.

But the point is that, no matter the subject, this following passage has a very important message. And it struck a huge chord within me.

Tony sighs, [...] "You all do better than Obi on that front. What you say or do, you mean. Half the time when he said he was fine, he didn’t mean it."

“Why’d you stay with him?” Steve blurts, then winces. [...]

Tony rolls to face him, and gazes at him with incisive, dark eyes: Howard’s eyes. “I hate that question,” he says after what seems an age.

“Sorry. Sorry, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to-“

“No. I should.” [...] “I hate it because there’s never a good answer. There’s never an answer that satisfies people as to why a smart, wealthy man with all the world before him would choose to stay with someone who hurt him.”

“Any answer you give would be enough for me,” says Steve, and Tony half-smiles.

“So noble. All right. Part of it was that people have this picture of abuse, where it’s a hundred percent of the time someone’s being evil and hitting the victim twenty-four-seven and, I don’t know, threatening their cat until the victim gets mad and burns the bed with him or her in it.”

“I- is that… a real thing?”

Tony laughs. “No, no, it was this awful movie on Lifetime. Sorry, I didn’t mean to confuse you. But that’s the thing, is Obi wasn’t cruel ten percent of the time, or even five percent. The times when he would be angry and hurt me were few and far between, and I always believed him when he said he was sorry, that he’d change, because for months or years at a time, he would. You got to remember, Steve, we were together twenty years.”

“So… there were good times?” It seems impossible that someone who owned the things [very cruel and improperly used BDSM implements] Steve saw in that trunk could be kind, could be good.

“Of course,” Tony says, frowning and looking at Steve as though he’s said something exceptionally dim. “I mean, I know it doesn’t fit your – let’s face it – black and white concepts of morality, but he could be nice. Very few people in this world are a hundred percent evil to everything and everyone. He was a great cook,” Tony smiles with the memory, “and he used to make the best breakfasts the morning after scenes and feed me in bed. Or when I was a kid, and my dad and mom were out at charity things that I didn’t go to, he’d come over and we’d tinker together, and then he’d make pizza from scratch. Before I hired Pepper, after my parents died, it was Obi that kept me from self-destructing.”

Tony shrugs, [...] “Which was another reason. I had a lot of good memories associated with him, and if I acknowledged that he was abusive, those memories seemed… devalued. Unreal. [...]”

[...]

“Anyway. I suppose the last part of it was fear. Obi was… the most stable thing I had in my life. Everything else changed, constantly, but I could always go to Obi’s place and know exactly what to do, where to go. Obi said he could make me the perfect sub, could help me get over what the schools did to me, and I thought he could. Even though he couldn’t, even though it hurt, I valued his confidence. His belief that I could be perfect, and not broken. As time went on, he just became-“ Tony gestures, frustrated, “-part of me. I didn’t know how I’d ever find anyone who treated me like Obi did, like I was valuable for something beyond being Tony Stark, and it just seemed easier to stay than to go, restructure the company, possibly be revealed.”

After I read this passage, I sat in my bath and just stared at nothing, trying to process what it was that I was feeling. It was... it was really hard. To see what I was feeling (mostly) put into words that I could read on a page and recognize in a relationship laid out before me on the page, with characters whom I could see this readily happening to, with the way it was explained.

It was terrifying, but it was also freeing.

I’ve finally -- not just with this, but with a lot of things leading up to this -- been able to recognize what happened to me. To accept that I was abused. That I will be experiencing the aftereffects of what I went through for a long time to come.

That just because it wasn’t “as bad” or “physical” like other people experience in abusive relationships, that just because I am strong and have a good support network and came out of this relationship not a complete mess, broken pieces to be glued back together but never to be the same again...

... just because I’m not all of that, does not mean I am any less justified in calling what happened to me abuse.

I was made to feel like my illnesses were a burden; that I should stop complaining about the immense amounts of unrelieved pain I was in.

I was yelled at and stalked online and told how terrible I was for blogging about what I did, and for writing fanfiction about what I did. That I was a whore, a harlot, a slut. That I was having an emotional affair; that I was cheating on him by writing what I did.

And when he would get extra specially mad, like when I would inevitably push back (because fuck him) -- he would throw things that would break whatever was hit by whatever it was he’d thrown. Or he would punch walls and doors. And more.

One time he was in the car and rammed it into the side of the house.

Very shortly afterwards, he threw his luggage at me.

And then... then he shoved me against the porch wall, his hand around my throat.

All of this was going on while I was being bullied in the reylo and reylux star wars fandom, and it was even going on before and after I was hacked and my fics removed (yes, it could have been him, but he’s terrible at lying and surprising me, and I honestly do believe he didn’t do it... but I still could be wrong). So, I was facing attacks about my fanfiction writing from two fronts, and I felt like I couldn’t receive comfort from him during my time of emotional need... which just led me further from him, and reinforced his accusations of emotional distancing. (Which, yep, were happening... but because of him.)

But... I still stayed with him.

Why?

Like Tony said... it’s hard to come up with an answer that makes sense and will satisfy the person asking.

He did all that stuff to me and more. Most of it was little things here and there that just added up. It got to the point where I was living in fear of him. I was still doing the things he hated (because, again, fuck him), but I was making sure to hide them -- to hide me -- from him so that he wouldn’t get mad.

All the while protesting that he was a good person. That he had his great moments, and great parts to him that outshone the bad.

That I still believed in him and his ability to change.

And he did change. That’s what made leaving all the harder. The fact that he had changed from how awful he’d previously been, made it harder for me to realize that it just wasn’t going to work out. That I needed more than just his trying better and being better. I needed to not be with him more than I needed him to change to suit me.

Because in the end, I want what’s best for him as well. I want him to realize how fucked up everything became, how fucked up he treated me... but I also want him to have someone who can be what he needs, and what she/he needs.

Despite it all, despite how it sounds, he is a (mostly) good person. Our fighting is part of his development, and a divorce will serve as punishment enough. Because we did have great times. He’s still at fault, he still did me horrible wrongs that I will never forget or forgive, but I have hope he can be a better person for any new people to come into his life, into my former position in his life. I hope for their sake that he’ll have chilled the fuck out by then, though, and maybe he will without me in his life.

But there were a lot of warning signs that I missed -- that I should have seen and pieced together -- because those signs were too small, too far apart, too innocuous at first, for me to realize I was being abused.

And I know that there are many more people out there like me.

Don’t be afraid, ladies and gents, to leave. Leaving is the hardest thing you will do, but after that it gets better, despite the hardship, feelings of being lost, etc.

You have more friends than you know.

Abuse is abuse, no matter if it’s all the time or rarely, or physical or emotional/mental.

I love you, even if I don’t know you. I’m here for you, as I know you’re here for me.

*hugs and love*

#abuse #emotional abuse #tw: abuse #spousal abuse #physical abuse #tw: physical abuse #divorce #mental health

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maddzyohh-blog · 7 years

Text

INTERVIEW WITH JAMES POLLITT FROM SOSEITY

What are your names and what do you do in the band?

Hi!! I'm James Pollitt and I, write, as well as being lead vocalist in Soseity, (and I'll probably a little bit of keyboard once I get good enough) Lucas Rigby is on drums, Cam Stephenson is on bass and Ben Moore is on guitar and they both do vocals too.

How did you meet each other?

Ahah it's actually quite a funny one how me and Cam met, he messaged me, maybe 18 months ago now, asking me where I got my penny board from. I started doing a bit of promotion for his band at the time, The Strays, and eventually I started Soseity with him and his best mate Tom Braithwaite. Together, we wrote ITILY and Lover That I Lost (mainly them though to be fair, I just wrote some lyrics over those beautiful instrumentals). I owe them a lot to be honest, Tom's left but without him and Cam I would never have had the confidence to do anything with my songs. Just before Tom left, we pulled in Lucas, who I knew through a mutual friend. And then we replaced Tom with Ben, who I'd met through Instagram. It's worked out quite well really to be honest like, me, Cam and Ben are all at the same uni so that's bare deece. It's all just mad for me, being in a band and that. I just proper love these lads man.

How old are you and what are your birthdays?

I had to proper hit up the lads and ask them this not gonna lie to ya rkid. Cam's is in May, the 29th I think? Don't quote me on that though ahah. He's just started uni and he's 18. Me and Ben are a year older, in our second year at Uni, I'm born on the 18th June (expecting bday presents off people now that I've said that) and Ben is born on 5th August. Lucas is the baby of the group, he's just started college, he's only 16 the lil cutie and his bday is 10th July.

What are your favourite colours?

My personal favourite colour is sort of a turquoisey colour. I've always been a fan of blue (being a lifelong City fan, I feel like my dad would have killed me if it had been red aha) not too sure about the other lads, but that's the colour we're using a lot recently so I'm guessing they can't hate it too much.

Why did you decide to form a band?

Well I've been writing songs for a while now, maybe 5 or 6 years, and eventually I felt like I wanted to get something that I'd written out there. I felt like I had a lot to say, maybe some of its shite but hopefully there's some good in there. I didn't wanna put stuff out when I was 15/16, because I really struggled with my confidence and self-esteem a lot at school. I had really bad acne, I was really awkward and shy, to be honest, I just wasn't really happy with myself as a person, I think that's reflected in the early stuff I wrote. Not gonna lie, I kind of looked like a potato until maybe like I was 16, school really wasn't a good time for me. When I got my Instagram, at the start of college, I felt a bit more confident in myself generally, as well as in my songs, and my voice. But I wouldn't have said I was ready to put them out there. Cam and Tom gave me that final push to get my songs out there, or at least attempt to do something with it. Being in a band gives me a bit more confidence. I just hope people like it. I really hope they do...

How did you choose the name Soseity?

'Soseity'... Well this is where it gets a little pretentious, sorry, ah, erm so basically me and my sister were looking at starting a clothing company. She wanted to use the name Ipseity which is Latin for 'selfhood', I wanted Soseity. The clothing company never happened but I kept the name as I thought it was kinda cool...

'Seity', I think, is ancient Greek for individuality, and I feel like there's a lot of people who just wanna be sheep in the world, it's like, kind of a play on the fact that there's not much individuality in society. I hope that doesn't sound too cuntish? I feel like it does aha.

What genre of music do you make?

I mean yeah, I'm not really sure how I'd describe it. I wanna kinda break genres and do different things. Having done promotion for quite a while now, I feel like where a lot of bands go wrong is it's all a bit too similar, with their songs all being slightly 'samey' and also a bit too much like what's already out there, like I can't even tell you how much I've heard "these sound proper like Catfish, or the 1975 or the Smiths" when introducing the band's I've worked with to people, and like that's okay, but I don't really wanna be a tribute band. Is that too rude to say??? I don't know man I don't wanna upset anybody but I just wanna do something cool and a bit different...

I've taken influence from different bands (mainly bands like The Cure and The Smiths because they talk about things that matter and I fully love that) from 80's/00's pop, blues, from newer bands that to me, stand out, bands on the new indie-pop wave like HUNNY, Clay, Phoebe Green and King No-One, I love their lyricism, I love what they're doing man. Along with other bands like SWMRS, Bulletproof Bomb, Carnival Club and Field Medic (and a few others man, there's a few too many to mention) they, they're all a bit different and I love that man. Also like anybody who follows my twitter (painfully for them, sorry) kinda knows I love grime and 50's music as well. Basically I'm not sure what vibes we'll go with but I know there's a mix of heavy shit, indie, things about my mental health struggles, political stuff and a few norty little love ballads (who doesn't love a good ballad) aha.

What are the inspirations behind your songs?

I mean there's a lot of different inspirations, but basically I want to make music that matters, I feel like anybody can write a half-decent love song, but I kinda wanna say something important with my lyrics. Saying that, I've literally just been dumped after a very long-term relationship with a girl who I've been madly in love with for basically my entire teenage life, that's still a bit tender, my heart's a bit broken, so expect some stuff that's a bit lovey dovey and sad. It was one of those where I really did think we'd get married and it would last forever, maybe that's naïve, and I guess she didn't feel that way, as sad as it is. but yeah, like anyway all the songs I've written about her and us over the last 5 years or so, will hopefully be coming out soonish, I just hope that's not too awkward for her, or for me (they are quite heartfelt ahhh)... A lot of my inspiration comes from my own life, my vulnerability, my struggles with mental health issues, and obviously I'm a History And Politics Degree student, there's a lot of politics and references to global events, as I said I wanna talk about important things like, otherwise, for me, there's no point...

If you guys gain like thousands of fans will you use your platform of fans to promote things that are important to you like politics and to promote stuff that needs to be shown awareness to such as; mental health; and sexual assault within the music and acting industry and outside of the industry in the real world?

Yeah man, that's proper important to me. I've been sexually harassed at so many gigs and assaulted on a few occasions, like I said before I've just got out of a long-term relationship, but I think, as it is with boys, there's a few horrible people who simply don't think the rules apply to them, I've never understood why people just assume that they can touch people up, or act like a dickhead, it's so grim. I wasn't ever gonna be about cheating and I certainly didn't want my dick grabbed when I was trying to start a pit or like just have some fun with my mates. When we start gigging, people who sexually assault will be blacklisted. They can fuck off I don't care. Obviously mental health issues are a huge part of who I am. Previous work with Yellow4Change and my yellow heart project, along with my own issues, really shape who I am and what I wanna talk about in my music, songs like The Bridge, which I posted an acapella snippet of on Twitter, are really like a little flood of my emotions. Music has really helped me through my problems and I hope my music can help people through theirs. Politics, although I'm worried about the engagement level and market for it, is a massive thing to me. I think people don't realise that the world around them is politics. It's not just a vote or a leader. From the doctor's appointment they moan about, the roads they drive on, to the price of gas and electric, politics is everything. I want to help people to see how important politics really it is, without sounding too much like a preachy prick.

When do you plan on releasing music?

Well I've got to apologise about that. The songs should have been out ages and ages ago and I really have fucked that and I'm sorry to anybody who cares and wants to listen. They'll be out soon and I'll keep putting previews on twitter and insta. Sorry everybody, love you...

Do you want to stay anything to the people who already support you?

Erm, I don't really think many people will care at this point. But just be kind, everybody you meet is fighting a hard battle man. Be there for people and just yeah, be kind.

Follow Soseity on:

Twitter

Instagram

Follow James On:

Twitter

Instagram

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judymulder · 7 years

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Title: Hearts of Angels

Author: Judy Mulder

Author’s notes: Rumbelle Christmas In July 2017 gift for the wonderful and incredibly talented @rufeepeach. It was such an honor and such a challenge to write for one of the best writers I know. It’s impossible to raise the bar that high (especially when English is not your first language!) but I made my best effort ;) Prompt: “It wasn't love but chance”. I have no idea why I wrote what I wrote, to be honest, because it has no direct relation with that phrase, lol. I incorporated your prompt in a way that is kinda cheating, hehehe. Nevertheless, I hope you like it. From your Santa, with so much love.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to @grace52373 for being my beta!!!!. This fic improved a lot because of you <3.

Summary: When Gideon’s behavior suddenly changes at school, Belle and Rumple start to wonder if they have spoiled their son too much, just like everyone in Storybrooke claim they had.

AO3 Link or continue reading after the cut

Rumplestiltskin gathered all the mail accumulated inside the pawnshop’s mailbox. Perusing through the envelopes, he wished that those ridiculous anonymous letters were finally over. He was sure it was a joke from someone trying to make fun of him. For the past couple of weeks, every day except for the weekends, he had been receiving a blank envelope with a few dollars inside and a computer written note that read “Storybrooke Rent Funds”. That was it. The amount of money never exceeded ten dollars. His patience about this matter was running thin because he knew someone was having fun at his expense, and the whole idea made his blood boil. The last thing he wanted was for people to think he was weak or harmless but it was extremely difficult to inflict great fear in the heart of people when they saw him everyday playing with a little boy and looking at his wife with absolute adoration. Not to mention his bi-monthly attendance to bulky family dinners where all the Charmings-Mills-Jones clan was reunited (along with several dwarfs from time to time). It definitely was not easy being the Dark One under these circumstances. Not that he actually wanted to be the man he was before, but at least he wanted peace and respect and the only way to get both was by keeping the façade of a dangerous and ruthless sorcerer in front of anyone who wasn’t Belle or Gideon. So, this was the reason why these mysterious letters were driving him mad. Someone was daring to believe that he wasn’t dangerous anymore. He would not allow it. Unfortunately, he was unable to investigate this matter further because he had much bigger and pressing problems at his hands right now. He sighed and put away the damn letter along with the bunch of other correspondences he had no intention of opening at that moment. He only wanted to close the shop for the day and go home, albeit he was afraid of dealing with a painful situation.

Gideon, his beloved five year-old son, was going through some sort of a “phase” that was driving him and Belle crazy. Until a few weeks ago Gideon was a perfectly behaved boy, with excellent grades at school, and in general, he was the pride and joy of his parents and teachers. But recently, he was utterly failing and slacking off at school. Mary Margaret was the first brave teacher that spoke to Rumple about Gideon’s change of conduct. Then other teachers followed and finally even the Principal had to intervene. Gideon seemingly stopped caring about school completely. He slept during classes, all his homework was half done or plain missing and he didn’t pay attention to any teacher’s instruction. Mary Margaret was sincerely worried because that was not the Gideon she knew. Before all this, Gideon was by far the best student in her class. If she were honest with herself, she was jealous that Gideon was a much, much better student than Neal was. They were even in the same class because, although Gideon was almost 2 years younger than him, he was way more advanced than any other kid his own age. If his own teacher was so worried about Gideon, there were no words to express how lost and alarmed Belle and Rumple were once they learned what was happening with their son.

They tried everything. They helped Gideon with his homework after school. They talked to him over and over again in the hopes he would open up to them. They took him to Dr. Whale and then to Archie. According to both specialists, there was nothing physical or psychologically wrong with the child. Gideon kept insisting to his parents that he was fine but that he simply didn’t like school anymore.

It was a common murmur among the inhabitants of Storybrooke that Rumple and Belle tended to coddle Gideon excessively. They never paid attention to those comments before because they never saw anything wrong in Gideon’s behavior and they were firm believers that if their son knew nothing but love, he would grow up happy and full of love to give. Deep inside, Rumple and Belle also knew that they were trying to compensate for whatever suffering the Black Fairy inflicted upon their son in another life. They never punished Gideon, they never yelled at him, because they both clearly and painfully remembered that Gideon was under the clutches of the most ruthless and cruel woman in all the realms. Nevertheless, and given the latest turn of events, Rumple and Belle started to re-evaluate their role as parents. To their dismay, they had to consider the possibility that they might had been accidentally spoiling Gideon during all these years.

Despite their best efforts to approach their son with love and patience, hoping that he would change his attitude towards school, nothing had worked so far. So today, when Rumple returned home from work, he and Belle would start taking other measures and attitudes towards Gideon, even if those would break their hearts. They were desperate and they had to do something. Gideon needed to know that even in his young age he had responsibilities to fulfill with himself and with his family. He needed to know what the consequences of not being responsible were. Otherwise, he would grow up as a flighty, capricious and untrustworthy man.

Rumple wished that everything that had happened in the past two weeks was just a bad nightmare and that Belle would be receiving him at home with a wide smile, telling him how proud she was that their son got another A+ in Mathematics. But when Rumple entered the living room, he found exactly what he feared. Belle’s expression was worried and sad and Gideon was sitting on the large couch with his face down, like he was already expecting a severe sermon. For a split second that image of Gideon reminded him of Belle fearing to be chastised for taking a magical object without his permission, causing an unmitigated disaster inside the Dark Castle. That thought made him feel like someone had just punched him in the stomach and guilt overwhelmed him for so many reasons. The last thing in the world he wanted was his son to be afraid of him. But he had to be firm tonight. He had to be a parent and not an enabler. It was all for his son’s sake.

“Gid failed his exams and homework again” Belle sentenced without any intention of prolonging this agony further. He could hear the disappointment in her voice.

“Son, do you have anything to say?” Rumple asked, shortening the distance between them. He crouched down in front of him as a last offering of playing this nicely. “Please Gideon, please tell us what’s wrong? Please tell us why you don’t want to study anymore? Your mom and I only want to help you.”

Gideon kept his gaze glued to the floor when he replied to his father “There is nothing wrong, dad. I just can’t be a good student anymore.”

“Well, that’s not a good answer.” Rumple stood up in all seriousness but still addressed him in a very calm tone. “If you want to be someone in life you have to study and you have to fulfill your obligations at school whether you like it or not.”

“Gid, you know dad and I love you more than anything, right? But this has to stop. From now on and until you decide to be good student again, you are grounded. You come home directly from school to your room. No TV, no computer, no video games, no toys” Belle informed her son and bit her bottom lip in an attempt to remain strong. Both she and Rumple decided together there was not going to be a “good cop/bad cop” routine in all this mess. Both of them would share the hard responsibility of disciplining their child.

“Also, in case you’ve forgotten, your birthday is next week. If you don’t change your attitude by then, there will not be a party and you won’t receive any gifts from anyone.”

This time, Gideon looked up and faced his parents with clear agony reflected in his eyes. He was the perfect image of Rumple and Belle combined into one tiny person. He had chocolate dark hair like his mom and he also had her chin and lips. But his eyes were identical to Rumple’s: same almond-like color, same sweetness inside of them. Now, those eyes were filling up with tears. It was clear that Gideon wanted to say something, but he didn’t, and instead he ran towards his room where he finally allowed himself to cry. Belle and Rumple look at each other with so much remorse and sadness from what they just had to do. Immediately, Belle closed the distance between them and buried herself in Rumple’s arms which held her tight. In no time, he felt his shirt wet and he knew she was crying too. And his heart broke because for the first time in years, he didn’t know how to fix this chip in his family.

***********

Gideon couldn’t stop crying. He was lying on his stomach in his bed and his face was hidden between pillows. He knew his parents were angry at him because he was not a good student anymore. But he couldn’t be one. Not if he wanted to help his friend Melissa. Gideon was willing to live with the anger of his parents and all the punishments they wanted to give him if that meant Melissa was safe and happy. But why Gideon was crying had nothing to do with being grounded and everything to do with the idea that his father didn’t love him anymore. How could he if he broke a promise to him? People were afraid of him because he was the Dark One and he’d never broke deals or promises under any circumstances. But his father had just broken a promise that he made to him in his second birthday. Gideon still remembered it like it was yesterday. He was opening dozens of gifts with his parents after a night filled with nightmares. “Mom, dad, you will always be with me to open birthday gifts, right?” They looked at him with a transparent smile and his father replied to him “Of course, Gid. I promise you that your mom and I will always be with you on your birthdays, you will never spend a birthday alone, and we will always open presents together.” Now, his dad told him there wasn’t going to be a birthday, nor gifts opening, which meant a broken promise. Gideon cried harder believing that the only reason his dad would do such a thing was because he didn’t love him anymore. Maybe mom and dad could only love a son who was smart and good at school. He loved his parents so much that the idea of them not loving him was very scary and very painful. But his parents were not in trouble like Melissa was. He needed to keep doing what he was doing to help her.

“Mom, dad, I am sorry for being such a burden for you. But please, please don’t stop loving me” Gideon asked in a whisper and kept crying until he fell asleep.

*************

Days passed and nothing improved in the Gold’s household. On the contrary, Gideon was closing off to his parents even more because he felt alone and unwanted. They were treating him with coldness that he never experienced before and he just didn’t understand it. Was school so important to parents? Was it so important that if you fail at it they would stop loving you? It truly seemed like it to Gideon. Every day that he came home from school with bad grades and teacher reports, he was sent straight to his room. He was only allowed to be outside of those four walls to share the family meals. And even those shared moments were awful. Silence predominated at the table right after his parents asked him for the zillionth time if he needed help, and obtaining a negative answer. Belle and Rumple were so lost about the whole situation that they never saw the increasing severity of their treatment towards Gideon. Although their only intention was trying to help their son to overcome this total apathy towards school, they were completely blinded about how much their kid was actually suffering.

And then, Gideon’s birthday came. To his utter dismay, it was a Saturday. During a school day he could have pretended that it was just a normal day, but now he had the entire weekend ahead of him and he was painfully aware that he was going to spend his birthday in complete solitude, remembering that his father broke a promise to him. Belle and Rumple were by his side as soon as he woke up, to say happy birthday and to hug him, which pleasantly surprised him. But there were no gifts, no celebration, and certainly no truce from his punishment.

**************

It wasn’t without difficulty that Melissa convinced her mom to let her go to her best friend’s house. Her mom, like pretty much everyone else in Storybrooke, was always wary of the Dark One. Yes, Melissa had heard terrible stories of Gideon’s father. In fact, the Dark One was the reason why her parents were in distress. Melissa also wanted to blame the sorcerer for Gideon’s suffering. But she knew better than that. She was the only one to blame for everything her friend was going through. And guilt was not letting her live in peace. She didn’t know what to do. If she said something, her own parents would be suffering the consequences, but if she stayed quiet, Gideon would continue hurting. With this internal fight occurring inside of her, and her mother saying things about “running” and “yelling for help” in case something weird happened inside the Dark One’s house, she grabbed the birthday gift she had for Gideon and left home.

The Gold’s house was just a short ten minute walk from Melissa’s. She was always in awe about how majestic the Victorian pink house was. Her own house was so tiny and simple in comparison. She wondered if one day she would be able to have enough money to live in a place like this…or just to have enough money so that her parents would not work to exhaustion to put a plate a food on their table. Melissa rang the bell of the mansion and a few seconds later, the Dark One himself appeared on the door frame. His expression was extremely sad.

“Hello Mr. Gold” the little girl with red hair, blue eyes and cheeks covered in lovely freckles, greeted with certain hesitation.

“Hello Melissa. Can I help you with something?” Rumple inquired, a little surprised of this Saturday early morning visit.

“I came to see Gid, Mr. Gold. I brought him a birthday present!” she explained, showing him the golden wrapped packaged she was carrying. A wide smile appeared on her face.

Rumple hesitated because Gideon was grounded and he was not supposed to receive any visits or any gifts. But for some reason, he couldn’t turn down the girl that was standing in front of him.

“Come on in. I will let Belle know that you are here, ok? Please take a seat” Rumple guided Melissa to the living room. She sat down contentedly in the biggest, most comfortable couch she spotted, and waited there for Mr. Gold to come back.

Rumple went to look for Belle in their in-house library. She was surely immersed in a book, even though reading lately was not a joyful activity as it used to be. For Belle, reading had rather become a research activity in an effort to understand what was happening to her son.

She didn’t even hear when Rumple entered the room and he had to clear his throat, trying not to startle her. When Belle’s eyes finally made contact with his, Rumple curiously peeked at whatever she was reading because it was clearly not a book about childhood or child behavior.

“What are you reading?” He warmly inquired, sitting beside her.

“I needed a break from psychology books. My head was killing me since we woke up. You noticed how sleep eluded me most of the night” He nodded and Belle returned her attention to the book in her hands. “This is poetry, a compilation from different authors. I was just reading the most beautiful one…listen to this Rumple” Belle immediately began reading, excitedly, without letting Rumple tell her why he was really there.

“It wasn't love but chance and rather sweet-

your newly weaned son asleep in his crib, your breasts too tender

to be touched. And touch itself, too early, indiscreet.

Your small son breathed and coughed. I tried to sleep

but couldn't ignore what your body engendered

in mine. It wasn't love but chance and strangely sweet.

I like your name; you're used to mine, ironic repeat

of your old lover's. With so few facts ought two people surrender

to touch? (Better to date, slow down, try to be discreet.)

Ok, let's walk around the pond, take a few months or weeks

to study each other and see what portends or

not. It wasn't love but chance and rather sweet.

I'm moved by you as well as touched: shy and indiscreet”.

“What do you think? Isn’t it beautiful?” Belle asked when she finished reading, smiling and snuggling against him.

“It is, sweetheart…but I came looking for you because there is something you need to know. Melissa is here.”

“Gideon’s best friend?”

Rumple assented. “She brought a birthday present for our son. Maybe we should make an exception in his punishment for today?”

Belle’s smile disappeared completely. She stood up and closed the poetry book, leaving it abandoned on a small table.

“There is nothing I would like more, Rumple. But remember what Archie said, if we change the set of rules that we already laid out for him, Gideon might think that we will eventually accept whatever he wants us to accept with respect to school. We can’t give in now. Not even when this is so painful.

Rumple nodded sadly, knowing that Belle was right. Rules were rules, as much as deals were deals. They couldn’t be broken.

“Come on, let’s explain the situation to Melissa”. Belle took Rumple’s hand leading him to where the girl was waiting.

“Hi, Belle!” Melissa chirped a happy greeting the moment she entered the room and went to hug her, returning afterwards to the couch.

“Hello, Meli. Rumple told me why you came to visit. I appreciate how much you care about Gid. But you must know that he is grounded and unfortunately he can’t receive any birthday presents for now.”

Immediately, Melissa’s face turned sad, almost like she wanted to cry.

“That is not fair! Gid deserves to celebrate his birthday more than any other kid that I know.”

“But you are aware that he hasn’t been fulfilling his obligations at school. Until that change, I am afraid he will continue to be grounded.” Rumple said, and Melissa looked at him. There was a hesitation in her eyes, but suddenly, there was determination as well.

“Then it is true! You don’t love Gid anymore because he is a bad student?” She angrily retorted.

“Of course not. Why would you think something like that? A parent never stops loving their children no matter what” Belle intervened because Rumple was not able to even formulate an answer.

“Gid thinks you don’t love him anymore. He said you broke a promise to him, and you never break promises” Melissa continued, still looking at Rumple.

“What?” Rumple managed to ask although a sharp pain was surrounding his heart, keeping him from breathing properly. When Melissa didn’t answer, Rumple tried again. “What promise did I break?”

“Um, he told me that when he was two years old, you promised him that he would never experience a birthday alone. That all his birthdays would always be filled with joy”

Rumple felt those words like a needle in his heart. Melissa was right. He did say that and he didn’t remember it until now. He made that promise to his son after a nightmare he had on his second birthday. It was a nightmare about him being alone and scared in a very dark place. Rumple knew what that dream meant and he wanted to reassure his son that he would never experience that. How it was possible Gideon remembered it and not him? Rumple was just so upset about what was happening at school that he just completely forgot about that promise.

Sensing the tribulation inside her husband, Belle intended to defend their choice with respect to Gideon’s punishment. “Meli, Rumple nor I intended to hurt Gid in anyway. We love him more than anything in the world. It is because of that love, that we made a difficult decision when he refused to care about school anymore. No kid has a future without education and we are trying to ensure that Gideon understands that, so he has the best possible future.”

Melissa hesitation was crystal clear again. She wanted to say more but was afraid of something.

“Gid never stopped caring about school. In fact, I think he could skip a few years without any problem.” Melissa said, avoiding Rumple and Belle’s confused looks. “You are wrong about everything. Gid isn’t lazy or irresponsible.”

“He falls asleep during classes, he fails at exams, he doesn’t do his homework…” Belle retorted but was abruptly interrupted by the little girl.

“He falls asleep at school because he doesn’t sleep at night!”

“That’s impossible. Gideon goes to bed every night at 9:00pm.” Rumple managed to explain.

“He only pretends he is sleeping at that time, then he waits a couple of hours, and when he is sure that you two are already asleep, he starts working until it is almost morning.”

“He works? Works on what?” Rumple questioned further, completely confused about what he was hearing.

“He does the homework for other students that pay him to do it. He is very good at imitating calligraphy so the teachers never catch him. He does about 10 different kids’ homework for them each day, especially for sixth and eighth graders. That’s why he can’t do his own or stay awake for an exam.”

“What?!” Rumple and Belle exclaimed at unison.

Melissa jumped from her seat, startled at that reaction.

Belle knew immediately that they needed to calm down if they wanted to reach the bottom of this nonsensical story. She sat besides Melissa, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Rumple remained standing, motionless in the same spot.

“Meli, I am sorry we scared you. We just really need to understand what you are saying because it doesn’t make any sense to us right now. Gideon is in second grade. How is it even possible he is doing homework for eighth graders?”

“That’s why I said he could skip years at school without problem.” Melissa replied with a hint of pride in her voice.

“Why on earth would Gideon want money for? Why did he think he needed to work for money? He has everything he needs and wants under this roof.”

Melissa dropped her head and gazed directly at the floor. When no answer was provided, Rumple pushed again. “Melissa?”

When the girl looked back again at him, he could see she was crying.

“He is doing everything for me. It’s my fault that he has been suffering this much for the past weeks!”

Belle reached for her and hugged her.

“Hey, it is ok, Meli. I am sure you have done nothing wrong”

“But it is my fault! I told him that Mr. Gold was taking the house away from my parents because they couldn’t pay rent. I told Gid I was afraid of living on the streets and he said he was going to help me with the rent!”

“Oh, gods, the envelopes!” Rumple felt sick to his stomach and in an effort not to throw up right there and then, he dropped on the armchair and covered his face with his hands.

“What envelopes?” Belle asked with a broken voice and tears welling up in her eyes.

“Gid put the money he was getting everyday in an envelope with a computer-written note and secretly slid the envelop in the pawnshop’s mail box before coming home. It was supposed to be a rent fund to cover my parent’s rent and whoever else that needed it. Gid said that way, his father would not have to leave anyone without a house anymore.”

The moment Melissa ended her explanation, Rumple audibly sobbed with his hands still covering his face. The girl looked at him with a mixture of curiosity and concern. Was the Dark One crying? That was impossible! Then she looked at Belle and she was crying too. Did she do something wrong? Was she in trouble? Was Gid in even more trouble because of her? She only wanted to help her friend and she thought that telling the truth would help. But now she was not sure what was happening.

Understanding her confusion, Belle cleared her throat in an effort to speak. But she failed miserably and only managed to sob harder. She was overwhelmed by emotions. Now she understood everything and she simply didn’t know what to do with the feelings she had at the moment. Gideon did the most beautiful, selfless sacrifice for a friend. He endured stoically every unjustified word, every unjustified accusation, every unjustified punishment both at school and at home, just to help his friend.

While Gideon was doing everything right, Belle and Rumple were doing everything wrong. They caved in and listened to everyone else’s advice. Deep down they always knew all this had nothing to do with their son being spoiled but everyone else in Storybrooke thought the opposite. Oh, how Belle regretted listening to them! If she felt this guilty and hurt inside, Belle couldn’t fathom how Rumple was feeling. But if the way he was trembling and sobbing with his face well hidden between his hands were any indication, he was in absolute hell. Belle needed to be strong now if they wanted to start making amends with their son. She cleared her throat again and this time she forced herself to speak.

“Meli, thanks so, so, so much for telling us the truth. We didn’t know what was happening and now that we know, we will reverse how unfairly we have treated Gideon.”

“I just want my friend to be happy again. I… don’t mind living on the streets if that means Gid is happy.”

“Oh, Melissa…” Belle kissed the girl on the forehead. If this little angel could love her son in this way, then she was like a daughter to her too. “I promise you that you will not live on the streets. Rumple never intended to leave your parents without a house. He is just a little…strict with rental agreements. You have my word that you and your parents will always have a roof over your heads.”

“Thank you, Belle!” Melissa hugged Belle again, finally free of the heavy weight that keeping this secret had on her and knowing that revealing it could cost her family’s home and everything they had. “Can I see Gid, now?” she asked excitedly.

“I am afraid we have to talk to him first, Meli, and it could take some time. Let’s make a deal, ok? Go back to your house and we will call you as soon as we have resolved this. Then we can celebrate Gid’s birthday all together. How does that sound?”

“Good! I can’t wait for Gid to see the present I got for him!” Melissa stood up and grabbed her present, ready to go home. She wanted to say goodbye to Mr. Gold but he was still in the same position and Melissa was sure he was still crying. “Is Mr. Gold ok?” she asked Belle.

“He will be. Thanks to you. Now, let me take you to the door. Be careful on your way home.”

At the door frame Belle hugged and kissed Melissa again. “Thank you so much for loving my son with your heart of angel.”

Meli smiled and started her way back home. When Belle returned to the living room, Rumple hadn’t moved an inch, although his breathing was a little more even now. She crouched down in front of him and took one of his hands between her own. When Rumple finally looked at her, she wanted to cry again. That haunted expression, red eyes flooded with tears, was crushing her heart.

“Rumple…” she managed to say and then she just hugged him, knowing there were no words in this world that could take back what they have done to their son.

Rumple hugged her back as if his life depended on it. He was a shipwrecked man and she was his salvation table. He bitterly cried on her shoulder until he was able to speak again.

“What have we done to our son, Belle?”

“There is no way we could have known. And please, I know you are doing it, but don’t put the blame on yourself.”

“How isn’t it my fault? I was being a monster, like I always am, while my son was being an angel… I don’t deserve this family!”

“Stop it Rumple, please. Yes, you could be nicer with your tenants from time to time, but you also very well know that you were never going to evict Melissa’s parents. It is your job collecting the rent. And sometimes that is not a pleasant job. That doesn’t mean you are a monster.”

“I hurt my son in the worst possible way. I am a monster.”

“You tried to do what you thought was best for him. We were wrong and misled by everyone else’s advice about parenting.”

“That wretched cricket and that stupid doctor Frankenstein!” Rumple replied angrily.

“They were dead wrong about our son. But we have the biggest responsibility here because we are his parents and they aren’t.”

“How can we fix this, Belle?”

“Well…I think we can start by apologizing to our son.”

“How I can look him in the eye now? I feel so unworthy of him. What if he doesn’t forgive me?”

“He will. How he couldn’t with that pure heart he has?”

Rumple was a little bit more hopeful now. He silently thanked fate for having Belle by his side. She was his strength as always.

“Come on. Let’s not allow our son to spend one more minute alone on his birthday.” Belle said while standing up and taking Rumple’s hand.

Those words were enough to arm Rumple with sheer determination. Gideon never deserved a birthday like this. But they still had time to change it.

They went up to their son’s bedroom and Belle gently knocked at the door.

“Can we come in, Gid?” she asked.

Gideon was reading a book and was surprised to hear his parents at his door. He thought they would not talk to him until lunch time.

“Yes, mom” he replied.

Belle and Rumple entered his bedroom and spotted their son curled in a corner with a book between his hands. The sight brought tears to their eyes again. This was so unfair and cruel. He should be playing with his birthday gifts, not all alone and sad just reading a book.

“Did I do something wrong?” Gid asked without understanding the expression on his parents’ faces.

“Of course not, son. You did nothing wrong…but we did.” Rumple knelt in front of Gideon. Belle followed the movement. Gideon’s expression was a complete puzzle.

“Dad? What’s happening?”

“What’s happening is that we know the truth, Gid. We know everything you did to help your friend Melissa.”

“But how?” Gideon gasped.

“Melissa was here and told us everything.”

“Dad, please do not take away Melissa’s house! They don’t have another place to live! I promise you I will work very hard to give you their rent money!” Gideon was so scared about the prospect of his friend being homeless that he didn’t even realize that his parents were trying to apologize.

“Gideon, I would never do something like that. I am so sorry that I let you believe quite the opposite.”

“Your father is a strict businessman Gid, but he is not heartless. He would never leave an entire family on the streets.” Belle intervened.

“I am sorry, son. Truly I am. You were doing something noble and brave for a friend and I was treating you unfairly and I even broke a promise to you because I was angry. I know all of that is inexcusable but…can you forgive me? Can you forgive us both?”

“Do you still love me?” Gideon asked both of his parents with a doubt that hurt so much.

“Of course we love you, son!” Rumple and Belle hugged Gideon “No matter what you do, we will always love you. Never doubt that.

Sadness finally left Gideon’s heart.

“I am sorry for lying to you and for not doing my homework. I was just trying to help Melissa.”

“We know that now, Gid. And we are so proud of you! But next time that you have a problem of any kind, please come to talk to us. We will resolve it together, as a family. Ok?” Belle pleaded.

Gideon nodded, smiling for the first time in weeks.

“Now, how come you were making ten dollars a day for ten eighth graders’ homework?” Rumple asked after kissing his son, in an attempt to lighten up the conversation.

“Um, well, the kids said that was a fair price.”

“Well, I have the smartest son in the world, but I think I could give him a lesson or two in business.”

Belle chuckled at that, but Gideon completely missed the joke.

“We are so proud of you. We will have to talk about having an in-home tutor because it is obvious you are more advanced than the other kids your age. But that can wait. Now, we have a birthday to celebrate!” Belle announced excitedly.

“Really!?”

“Of course, Gid. We will do whatever you want to do today and tomorrow. Oh, and you should call Melissa. She has a present for you!”

“Yes! I want to see her to tell her that you are not angry with me anymore! Can we go to Granny’s for a hamburger and iced tea and invite her?”

“Of course. That sounds like an excellent idea.” Rumple replied with guilt still gnawing at his heart, but feeling more in peace than he had felt in weeks.

“Thank you, dad, thank you, mom. I love you both so much!”

“And we love you too son”

The End.

#rufeepeach #rumbelle christmas in july #rcij #rumbelle #rumbelle fanfic

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argaliaofficial · 6 years

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i started typing this earlier but then had to go to work so now im just gonna finish it so i get it off my chest

back when i was with my first ex, meg, we went to this private christian school i prolly made a post about this on here before but its topical right now i didnt sleep at all and im tired enough to spill my fucking guts out some more

so anyway we went to this private christian school and thats when it happened. ive honestly repressed a lot of my time there i was not doing great but what i do remember just makes me feel sick. like, meg aside, the school just sucked.

for context the way it was set up was that we had “placement tests” to see where we were in subjects like math and english, and however we did made us get placed in PACEs according to our skill level. in theory this is fine i suppose, but the thing was that there were no alternatives to the PACEs.

PACEs were part of the learning curriculum of our school which was ACE- Accelerated Christian Learning. they were basically little study pamphlets that went over instructions on how to learn certain subjects and whatnot, while also having a christian perspective on things. scripture verses were abundent in them, and they had like a continuous series of comics going in there about their character Ace Virtuson and friends.

Along with the PACEs, the classrooms were set up like an “office” of sorts with cubicles that you sat in. For me honestly that was one of the many hells because it was so cramping and clinical and I just do not learn well in that sort of environment. so you’d sit quietly for like 8 hours a day with occassional breaks with nothing but your PACE pamphlets to work on. you couldnt speak to any body, and if you needed help, there was a flag system in place where you’d put a flag up and have to sit around and wait for a teacher to come assist you, and usually their assistance only lasted briefly because theres countless OTHER students to get to, and nepotism is a thing and if they dont like you or think of you as a problem kid, you’re less likely to get the aid you need.

i was one of those problem kids.

early on, i could manage that set up when my work was easier, but when i hit “high school age” and got into more advance work i began to suffer horribly. it didnt help that at this time, i got with meg, but less about her right now and more about how this school system fucking failed me and others tbh

i do not learn by reading information. at least, i dont retain it. i need to discuss with people, with my peers and professors. i need one on one sometimes, especially with math- my biggest struggle. but how the school was set up made that sort of learning almost impossible. your peers were all at different levels, so group discussion was rare. their were attempts, but they never lasted long, and the extent of the help basically surmounted to the teachers just reading what the PACEs already said and vaguely explaining more, and that blew.

so, me, being a hands on group learner who has to talk and listen to even retain information and needs to be allowed to move around often instead of being cramped up, started to fall behind in my studies. badly. and of course, instead of the teachers trying to asses WHY it was you were falling behind, you got written up and had to have your parents sign a slip. you could get written up for a few things and these were always detentions of sorts. usually they were lunch but if you were bad enough you’d get an after school one. i accumulated these almost once a day and after a while i got tired of having my parents sign them EVERY SINGLE day and just forged their signatures. i got away with that like 75% of the time lol

like they were just for the same shit ‘oh ur kid didnt do their homework blah blah ur kids out of dress code blah blah” and so i was just “whatever” because like... nothing seemed to change i was just being perpetually punished for being unable to keep up in my studies. my parents tried to get a math tutor for me but halfway thru i think freshman year she moved and that was that

i got so fucking sick of just being behind while my other peers seemed to be moving forward that i started bullshitting my work just to get thru. ofc that didnt do anything because i wasnt learning the work, and because i lied about my answers and cheated i got punished again. and i was just like “whatever”

i cried all the time. parent teacher conferences were hell. i always cried. it felt like i couldnt convey to them why i was such a fuckup. like i wasnt making sense, or i was being overemotional. instead of trying to make changes they just talked about how i had to work harder. least i think. i’ll be honest i always just disassociated during those meetings before going into meltdown mode.

on top of that, i was in a “gay” relationship with a classmate, and lots of bad stuff happened. ive always had an overactive imagination. great for being a wannabe artist. not so great when youre already an easily manipulated undiagnosed autistic child. me, her, and my current gf actually had our own little world! thinking back on this now, for me at least it was escapism to try and just cope with how miserable i was at school

i dont know how soon in the “relationship” it was before things got sexual. my concept of time during those years at foursquare is so scattered. according to posts ive seen on dA me and her were together or at least “friends” for 2 years? so actually i think my saying “freshman year in high school” is inaccurate and things got bad the tail end of middle school and continued until i was a sophomore before switching schools.

ANYWAY, so yeah, along with all this school nonsense, i was in a gay relationship, one that was abusive in many aspects. ofc at the time i didnt know that i was being abused! i just thought yknow her forcing herself into me sexually was kinda par the course and i was already kinda a sexually curious kid growing up so like.. i was looking for that i guess? it hurting cuz she went in dry is just to be expected, yadda yadda. pretty sure i cried? and i know for a fact that i still sleep in the room where she raped me like that and its sometimes just “yea i was literally right in that spot when i was raped lol”

and she would constantly want me to touch her sexually too, and when i said “no” and pulled my hand away that she had been trying to force down her pants because i wasnt personally ready to do that she’d always complain and make me feel bad cuz i wasnt comfortable touching her. “i always get you off but you never get me off!”

and at the time i didnt just tell her to fuck off cuz i didnt know any better. i didnt know that it was ok for me to not be ready to do that. i thought i was a bad person for not being ready to pleasure my partner, even tho its not my fault if shes ok w/ pleasuring me, and im ok with being pleasured (even tho tbh it was hit or miss sometimes she just did it lol), but im not ready to touch her, i guess? and like i tried to communicate with her and im pretty sure i told her that if she didnt wanna jerk me off cuz i couldnt do it to her yet that was fine but whatever

on the fourth of july she started groping me out in public while we watched the fireworks and i remember trying to get her to stop cuz i wasnt comfy with doing this in public cuz a) this was years ago and homophobia was a lot more common especially in this boonies town and b) i dont like seeing other couples being handsy in public so i dont want to be handsy in public either

and i remember while shes groping my chest and im trying to get her to stop theres this group of older kids in front of us and they see. and they start snickering. they started snickering at the sight. and i was so mortified and wanted to die.

looking back those kids should get hit by a fucking bus for laughing at someone getting molested and being obviously uncomfortable with it but i guess its funny cuz “lesbians! haha look at that pervy lesbo touching that other lesbian!”

and thats the story of why every fourth of july i want to kill myself

things kept progressing, ofc. i remember one night, while we were camping, i finally caved and fingered her. i forced myself to think “yeah ok i can do this” and i just thought the crippling anxiety i felt was cuz i was nervous to be intimate with my girlfriend for the first time like this, but really i was probably scared she was gonna hurt me since by that point she had. she had made herself perfectly clear in her mannerisms and tone of voice that she was stronger and bigger than me and could hurt me.

and a few occasions she did. one time she started choking me so badly that i honestly thought “oh my god, shes going to kill me here at school”. i still sometimes feel her nails digging into my throat, and i dont think ive ever been as terrified in my life as i was in that moment. i dont think she would have stopped had a teacher not intervened.

there was only one time i ever hit her, and that was before school started, and i had finally lost my shit over how much she kept fucking with me. all i remember was i came to school angry at her. over what i dont remember. she was always toying with my emotions, and i think that it had built up over the time that i finally snapped walked into class before school started, walked over to where she and alyss were talking, and a slapped her across the face before i walked over to my desk

i dont think i got in trouble for that cuz no one snitched? idk i mightve, but i didnt care. i was angry at her, angry at the school, and suicidal.

i remember one time during a break i was crying. a teacher from another class came up to me and asked what was wrong. i told her i wanted to die. she just looked at me all uncomfortable. i think she mightve said something before walking off?

nothing came of that.

i was more worried that i would get in trouble for being in a gay relationship than as apposed to thinking that these teachers- people who are supposed to protect their students- would help me. i gave up on them even recognizing the signs of me being abused. i feel like they wouldnt have even taken it as seriously as we were both “girls”, and this was back before talk of how women can be abusive was more common place. abuse was still strictly seen as male on female violence. and to some people, gay violence was comedic.

eventually, one night, it all came to light. at least, that she and i were sexually involved. that week was a blur. she was taken out of school. it was brushed under the rug. everyone trying to save face i guess and keep other kids from finding out, but somehow i always felt like they knew. they knew that she was taken out of school because of me. because we were gay

i tried to move on, but my studies never got better. i just grew more jaded. i never did any work. i mouthed off to the teachers, continued getting detentions and just plainly stopped caring. no one could get me to do anything. i would play hooky.

and that was just.... my life. perpetual anger at a system that failed me spectacularly. to this day i still hate that place. i cant be there. i was groped and molested and it was treated like nothing

so yeah

thanks for listening to my ted talks

#av talks #text #THIS IS HEAVY #rape mention #abuse mention

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reneeacaseyfl · 5 years

Text

Puerto Rico’s Victory: raceAhead | Fortune

Today is July 25. It is also Puerto Rico Constitution Day.

The holiday commemorates the day in 1952 that the Constitución del Estado Libre Asociado de Puerto Rico officially went into effect. The timing was poignant even then: On the same day in 1898, the United States invaded and seized Puerto Rico as part of the Spanish-American War.

July 25 has long been a special day of remembrance, the foundational event that makes a de-colonization effort necessary; and one that has never gotten the traction it deserves.

Now, it is also “RENUNCIÓ!” day.

Puerto Rico’s Gov. Ricardo Rosselló resigned last night in a recorded message posted on Facebook. It came after days of widespread protest sparked, in part, by a chat scandal which included his top aides, and that permanently damaged the public trust.

In some ways, the resignation was a cheat.

Rosselló’s government was ridden with scandal—six officials were arrested on criminal charges earlier this month. Island citizens had long suffered under a twelve-year recession, made worse by his administration’s alleged economic mismanagement, and woefully inadequate public services.

And the end was near: Puerto Rico’s House speaker, Carlos “Johnny” Mendez, told Nuevo Dia that his team believed the leaked texts—misogynist, homophobic, and dismissive of the loss of life after Hurricane Maria—also showed that crimes had been committed. As a result, impeachment proceedings had begun.

But today is a new day offering proof that “the people” can hold corrupt leaders accountable.

There’s terrific on-the-ground coverage of the news here, here, and in Spanish here. For first-person accounts, follow #RickySeFue.

Since it’s also Constitución Day, you might join the celebration from your desk by reviewing the document’s Article II, which is the Puerto Rican Carta de Derecho (Bill of Rights).

It’s a quick but inspiring read.

Some of the language will be familiar, some a bit outdated. Some of it is particularly modern: Wiretapping is specifically prohibited, no person under age 16 may be incarcerated, and collective bargaining is guaranteed.

But so much of it reflects the aspirations of the time it was written, a mid-century ideal of a society that could prosper while protecting clearly enumerated human rights: The right to work, to adequate living conditions, to social protections, to be educated, to special care for mothers and children, to be free from discrimination.

It was also a call for the dignity that comes from economic self-sufficiency, which is worth a special toast on Renunció Day:

“The rights set forth in this section are closely connected with the progressive development of the economy of the Commonwealth and require, for their full effectiveness, sufficient resources and an agricultural and industrial development not yet attained by the Puerto Rican community.”

On Point

Breaking: Boris Johnson is still racist Now that Boris Johnson is the British prime minister, journalistic “reminder” pieces—the wearier version of “explainers”—are being published to make sure people remember Johnson’s true self. The Guardian’s Kehinde Andrews was out of the gate early with this analysis of Johnson’s past transgressions (Piccaninnies? Really?) but more importantly, how Britain’s Conservative party has evolved. Over half its members—who are 97% white, and average age 57—believe Islam is “a general threat to the British way of life.” The Tories’ problems with Islamophobia are so stark that Sayeeda Warsi, a former party chair, admitted she “could not encourage” Muslims to join the party. The Guardian

Bernie Sanders to NAACP: No to reparations Sanders appeared to have a good showing at the NAACP Convention’s presidential candidate forum on Wednesday. He was the sixth presidential candidate to appear. After moderator April Ryan asked him to explain his continued lack of support for reparations, he was quick to say he supports legislation to study the issue. But: “Here’s my fear. The Congress gives African American community $20,000 check, and say ‘Thank you, that took care of slavery, we don’t have to worry about anything more.’ I think that’s wrong, I want to build, rebuild the distressed communities in America.” The study should come in handy because based on this, I’m not sure he understands how reparations could work. Mediaite

Asian investors push for gender diversity on boards, leadership The pressure is coming from global fund managers and it’s working. Legal & General Investment Management, the U.K.’s biggest asset manager, has begun voting against 19 Japanese companies without female representation on their boards or within executive ranks; France’s AXA Investment Managers is having “one-on-one” meetings with companies in Japan, China, and India to push them on their inclusion plans. Click through for all the good work being done, but know there’s a long way to go: A report from Corporate Women Directors International on the world’s 200 largest companies found that only 7% of Japanese firms and 4.8% of Chinese firms had women on their boards. Nikkei Asian Review

On Background

Research: Strict schools are contributing to the school to prison pipeline issue New research from Stephen B. Billings of the University of Colorado, Boulder, and David J. Deming of Harvard, studies how schools with high suspension rates have negative effects on all students, but primarily boys, and black and brown students of all genders. The negative impacts include lower grades and graduation rates. “Students who attend a school with a 10% higher number of suspensions are 10% more likely to be arrested and 12% more likely to be incarcerated as adults,” they find. An eye-opening read, h/t Brown University’s Matthew Kraft. NBER

Today’s essay: ‘The Crane Wife’ By now you may have stumbled upon this piece from The Cut that documents a truly bonkers lapse in oh-so-many judgments from a Harvard professor and the grifters he let nearly destroy his career, steal his house, and upend the life of his family. Let this essay, from the sublime novelist and teacher CJ Hauser, be a palate cleanser. It tells the story of how she reconstructed her life after she broke off her engagement with a man that we come to find out was never worthy of her. Her awakening is part confessional, part cautionary tale, and all solidarity. Here’s to the thirsty, the needy, the high maintenance women, and the people who love us. May we always find a way to drive our own boats. Enjoy. (Bring tissues.) The Paris Review

A famous slave trade vessel comes back to life Lancaster University lecturer and historian Nicholas Radburn worked with a team from Emory University to create a 3D model of an 18th century slaver ship called L’Aurore. According to reviewers, it is a digital depiction of the horror that 600 humans endured during the months they were imprisoned. Radburn is a co-editor of “Voyages: The Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade Database,” which documents some 36,000 trans-Atlantic trips. But drawings and other data don’t really tell the tale, he says. The video experience allows the viewer to board the ship, which set sail from La Rochelle in France in August 1784 to Africa and then on to what is now Haiti. “We hope it will provide teachers, museum curators, and the general public with a different way of thinking about the slave trade that goes beyond existing images,” says Radburn. University of Lancaster

Tamara El-Waylly helps produce raceAhead.

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“Everyone I know is one step away from an economic catastrophe, an unthinkable daily pressure that is not relieved by ever-worsening economic forecasts. I’ve lost hope of ever feeling economically secure, and take every day as it comes. This is my ‘new normal.’”

—Mónica Pérez Nevarez, Bayamón, Puerto Rico

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velmaemyers88 · 5 years

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Puerto Rico’s Victory: raceAhead | Fortune

Today is July 25. It is also Puerto Rico Constitution Day.

July 25 has long been a special day of remembrance, the foundational event that makes a de-colonization effort necessary; and one that has never gotten the traction it deserves.

Now, it is also “RENUNCIÓ!” day.

In some ways, the resignation was a cheat.

But today is a new day offering proof that “the people” can hold corrupt leaders accountable.

There’s terrific on-the-ground coverage of the news here, here, and in Spanish here. For first-person accounts, follow #RickySeFue.

Since it’s also Constitución Day, you might join the celebration from your desk by reviewing the document’s Article II, which is the Puerto Rican Carta de Derecho (Bill of Rights).

It’s a quick but inspiring read.

It was also a call for the dignity that comes from economic self-sufficiency, which is worth a special toast on Renunció Day:

On Point

On Background

Tamara El-Waylly helps produce raceAhead.

Quote

—Mónica Pérez Nevarez, Bayamón, Puerto Rico

Credit: Source link

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