#also i want to say this now: if you do not experience ocd i do not want your 'well actually' takes on this. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lhazaar · 1 month

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hey. i'm turning my chair around and sitting in it backwards now because i want to speak specifically to people with ocd. this is a targeted post and is not meant to apply to the userbase of this website at large or to serve as a policy decision.

hi. do you know what scrupulosity means? it is a strong, intense, often painful concern about morality or religion. it's very common for religious people with ocd, actually—the fear that you've sinned, that you will sin, that your thoughts themselves are sinful. you're afraid of being an evil person. every thought and feeling you have is scrutinized to exhaustion in case it's proof that you're evil. this also happens for non-religious people with ocd, it's just that ours will look different; it's often a preoccupation with social justice issues. you care a lot about being a good person, right! most people do. you want to be a good person, you want to be kind to others and to dismantle oppressive systems where you can. i'm making some assumptions here, but they're based on my specific audience base.

so, there's this thing that happens online, especially on tumblr and twitter—not because bluh bluh platforms bad, but because of the ways in which information is propagated on here. people used to tag for these posts sporadically but don't do so as much anymore. you know posts that exhort you, the reader, specifically, to take action? they tell you not to look away, not to bury your head in the sand. they tell you to give and to agitate and to donate time, money, resources.

those posts used to make me intensely, deeply anxious. i don't mean mild agitation, i mean life-ruining, day-occupying panic that seizes your entire body, and thoughts that don't leave your brain. guilt that paralzyes you because you, personally, cannot go kill the politicians responsible. you don't have enough money to do more than donate a few dollars, and sometimes you don't even have that. but because of where you live, because of the fact that you have internet access and you're literate enough to read these posts, you know that you have a level of privilege that most people never will. you're aware of that privilege because you're reasonably in-tune with social justice movements and you've probably spent some time dissecting your own privilege to examine your biases. (that's not a bad thing; i'm not here to condemn that. stay with me, if you can.)

there's a thing that can happen if you've lived with ocd like this for a long time where you become kind of incapable of telling what's addressed to you personally and what isn't. everything feels like a personal exhortation. you have trouble saying no, or knowing when you're overextended, because other people have it worse. how dare you enjoy relative comfort when people are being bombed or drowning in a climate change -induced flood or being crushed to death in a crowd panic. how dare you not be aware of it at all times, always, constantly. how dare you look away. don't look away.

i want to tell you about something i went through, if that's okay. a lot of people who follow me will already know this, but i haven't talked about this aspect of it very much publicly. in 2020, while visiting my partner in southern oregon, we had to evacuate from wildfires twice in under 24 hours. that was a really, really bad fire season, caused and perpetuated by a combination of global climate change and colonialization practices that destroyed traditional indigenous fire management strategies across the west coast of north america. fires stretched from bc to california. we wound up fleeing south, and then had to flee back north again, hemmed in on three sides. i flew back home to bc shortly afterwards, and i have this vivid, awful memory of seeing my home mountain range, the cascades, choked out with smoke from the window of an airplane. the woman in front of me sobbed the entire time until we touched down.

i remember thinking at that time that it was insane the entire world wasn't stopping. what i was experiencing was apocalyptic in scale—the fire we ran from the first time was part of a complex that chewed up entire towns. it wasn't the first fire season, nor the worst for the continent, nor the world. but all i could think in the moment was why aren't we doing anything, this is going to be all of us in a decade, why are people looking away.

if i had gone online and posted that, it would not have been morally wrong of me. there's no ascribing morality to a reaction like that. i mean, if i'd gone to someone who suffered in the years prior in australia or california and told them that ours was So Much Worse, that would have made me an asshole, but i didn't do that. i made some upset facebook posts targeted at the trump voters in my family, but i had no way to express at the time the sort of clawing panic of WHY AREN'T PEOPLE DOING ANYTHING??

the answer to that, which you probably know, is: what would they have done? we were sheltered by friends we evacuated with, but what power did a mutual in new york or wales or singapore have to affect a wildfire in oregon?

so, come back to the present day with me again, if you will. i said above that posts worded like this used to make me really, really anxious. in the span of time after the fire, i developed ptsd, and my ocd ruined my life. i took an extra year to graduate after i'd finished all my coursework because i could not send in the forms required. i was too busy spending 10-16 hours a day rearranging furniture in my room, or lying in bed, full-body tense, until it felt like my teeth would crack from the pressure. i'm medicated now. i'm grateful for it. i have more tolerance for these posts because i've been there. i know the op isn't doing anything wrong, because they're not wrong. why isn't the world stopping to look at a natural disaster, or a genocide? the world should not be like this.

you are not the world. you are someone with a brain that will torture you to death given the chance. you know how learning to reckon with your privileges, whatever they may be, requires you to not try and escape them? you need to be able to hold in your head that yes, you benefit from something that isn't fair; yes, other people should have that benefit, and that they don't is unjust. but you need to, for example, not try and weasel your way out of being white because you're uncomfortable with the guilt that it produces. you need to not go online and say well not ALL americans because you can't sit with the idea of being complicit in american imperialism. if you have ocd, you need to apply that to your own brain, too. you need to apply it to every post that you see. you need to know that people are not speaking directly to you, they are crying out in pain and fear. they are not doing anything wrong. they are scared and hurting.

they do not benefit from you taking on all the guilt of that fear and pain. i am not saying this to absolve you of the guilt. i am saying that you need to be able to exist with that level of guilt without allowing it to paralyze and destroy you. if you can't do that right now, i'm not here to cast judgement on you. blacklist phrases. i had "wildfire" blacklisted for a long time. i'm sure i missed aid posts because of it. the alternative was me being nonfunctional. for a long time, i had donation posts blacklisted across the board, because the way my ocd worked meant that i was neurologically incapable of knowing where my own limits were, and i would give money i did not have. if you need to do that, this is me giving you permission. doing this does not make you evil. it does not make you morally bankrupt. it makes you someone whose brain is trying to fucking kill them, and the world needs you to not let that happen.

this is not a post about how you're exempt from caring about the world if you're mentally ill, it's about how you cannot apply that care to anything useful if you're having massive panic spirals every other day about the guilt that you feel. your guilt should not rule your life. if it does, i say this kindly, but you very likely need medication. i'm sorry if you don't have access to that right now. you cannot think your way out of ocd. you cannot think your way into stopping neural activity. you cannot guilt your way into being a good person; you have to be able to exist with the guilt and not let it rule you in order to do that. nobody benefits from your brain trying to martyr you in the name of solving the world's suffering.

you need to be able to function, free of crushing and paralyzing guilt, before you can help anyone. you are not an effective ally like this just because your brain tells you that it's necessary.

#bark bark #ocd tag #actually ocd #also i want to say this now: if you do not experience ocd i do not want your 'well actually' takes on this.#again. this is not a site-wide thing i think everyone should do #do not mistake this for me saying that it's ~okay~ to be wilfully ignorant about genocide or climate disaster #i am speaking to a very specific clinical population whose brains do not work in a way that people outside of that population understand #the guilt you experience with ocd is not the same guilt that everyone has just turned up #it warps your entire personality. it warps your sense of right and wrong #you will deal with it for your entire life unfortunately #(even medicated i still absolutely have Intense White Guilt episodes lol #i just try not to make them my loved ones' problem #because part of handling pathological guilt has to be responsibility without overresponsibility)

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youremyonlyhope · 24 hours

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why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up

#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director #and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production #and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out #but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again #i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately #so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me #i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me #i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added #and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad #anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much.#but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great #but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else #but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing #and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us #and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing #and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more #especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this.#and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not.#and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING #and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine.#but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad.#because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented #if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that.#but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent.#and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt #i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried.#and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over.#i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help #and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh #brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.

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kn11ves · 5 months

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i entirely agree that humans should depend on each other more and that we should try to approach people with open minds and not believe that they are out to get us, on that note, shaming and chastising people for not feeling comfortable to depend on other people and telling them that they need to fix it or they're actually MORE of a bother and a burden is probably not the best way to go about it

#10000 millionth post where some tumblr users' opinion breaches containment and i must comment on it vaguely #listen it is sort of upsetting how it really is true that the majority of those call-out-y posts on peoples' behaviours can be really #damaging for people with ocd. like you re just going to send us on a spiral because now we arent even sure if the thing we were trying to d #as to not cause other people pain is actually causing more pain and oh dear god we're really terrible people ohh fack ive known all along #i think the first step to making people feel more comfortable to take your help and hospitality is probably approaching them kindly?#at least instead of saying we must ''learn to accept it''#plus the mention of individualism and comunialism-- i agree individualism has hurt a lot of people and it is very bad #although to some degree i dont think it is entirely wrong you cannot fully depend on everyone 100% of the time for your own safety #we are as a society not there yet where that is possible. etc etc also learned helplessness #but anyways if youre going to talk about individualism then you have to actually acknowledge that a lot of collectivist societies have cult #cultures in which REFUSING THE HOSPITALITY IS PART OF THE CULTURE!!!! where youre meant to say no many times as a show of respect and as th #host continues to offer it. as well many many many MANY people born from immigrant parents or who are immigrants themselves have a shared #experience of being raised to be as completely clean and polite and small as possible when in someone elses' home #it just really rubbed me the wrong way the entire post...#i just dont think you should get so upset someone doesnt accept your hospitality consider everything is not erm about you and maybe they #arent comfortable enough with you or are having a bad day ?#''i can always tell when they are only saying it because they dont want to be a bother'' no u litearlly cannot #anyways it was a very american post that i did not like.#do help each other and take the help when you need it though we need that.

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foone · 2 months

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on "that sounds like me, do I have ADHD?"

So a thing about ADHD (and probably all mental illnesses, but especially ADHD) is that it doesn't really have any hyper-specific symptoms. Like, it's not like you get ADHD and your elbow turns green, which only happens with ADHD.

ADHD describes a bunch of symptoms, some with shared origins, some which might have different origins, but the important thing to remember is that you can have all those symptoms for reasons other than ADHD.

Time blindness? it can happen to anyone because you got caught up in something. being unable to sit still? it can be caused by any number of physical (and mental!) things, not just ADHD. unable to concentrate? that can happen because of chronic pain, depression, brain fogginess, etc.

So the important thing to remember is that if you see someone (like me) ranting about their ADHD experience, if you identify with that situation, it doesn't necessarily mean you have ADHD.

You might have depression (monopolar or bipolar). or be autistic. or some forms of OCD. or have chronic pain.

Now, by all means, go to a doctor, talk about these symptoms, get tested, get medicated, get therapy, whatever! I'm just saying that you shouldn't jump to ADHD as a definite diagnosis.

ADHD is definitely one of those diagnosis where we drew a circle around some symptoms and said "this is ADHD", if there's no other reason to have those symptoms. Like, if you take a person and keep them awake for 36 hours and feed them a ton of coffee they'll probably act very "ADHD", but it doesn't really mean you need to put them on adderal, even if they're showing a lot of the symptoms of ADHD. You should look for other solutions to their problem, like letting them get some sleep and cutting the caffeine.

And the same is true with ADHD. All the symptoms of ADHD are things that you can have for a bunch of other reasons, many of which can be treated (and treated better!) in other ways.

Depression is a good example: Depressed people can have executive dysfunction issues, trouble concentrating, poor planning, difficulty in finishing things. Would giving them stimulants (like Adderal and Ritalin) help? Maybe somewhat... but it wouldn't help the underlying depression problem! Getting therapy and antidepressants is likely going to be much more effective, since you're treating the condition that is causing the ADHD symptoms. (and if those symptoms don't go away when the depression is cured/managed, maybe they also need stimulants!).

ANYWAY to sum up: Don't worry too much if you see someone with ADHD complaining about something that they do because of ADHD and you go "that's just like me". ADHD isn't that kind of condition, just because you have one or several of the symptoms doesn't mean you have it, you could easily have something else that causes the same or similar symptoms.

And finally: This isn't meant as a thinly-veiled "don't self-diagnose" rant. You go ahead and self-diagnose all you want. I'm just saying that you should consider other possibilities before ADHD, because it may be more effective and easier to treat those conditions than to treat ADHD. (And I say that whether you're self-diagnosing or talking to a doctor: Hopefully your doctor is well-informed enough to know there is a lot of overlap between symptoms, and will ask about other possibilities )

#ADHD

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yourpsicodelicbitch · 4 months

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Sun houses and fathers 🌞

Yoshitomi Nara

✨first post of 2024✨

take what resonates, leave what don’t 🎀 you don’t have to necessarily identify with it.

*I use whole sign system -house system- for more certainty

9H: you’re learning constantly from your dad. he teaches you what he’ve learned through his life. he’s teaching you about his mindset, the origin of his beliefs, why he stands for them. he could be someone very religious or faithful, and through that faith he could have teach you things he know now. also, he could be really philosophical and probably has a fixation with politics, investing. he could seem very patient or is constantly worried trying to understand how he can help you.

10H: your dad could be someone really hardworking, who you could have seen work really hard through all this years, making sure you’re satisfied in the economic and study aspect. he could have not been present too much when you were growing up and when he showed up he was too strict, he probably wasn’t conscious or didn’t know how to approach you -could be bc they thought him to bottle up his emotions-. you could end up studying/working on the same career/field your dad’s in.

11H: your dad it’s okay with who you are, or what side you show to them🧐. you’re their fav or they left you. you could feel like the only child/you are. he could seem too disperse, take it how you want to. idk why but mostly of dads of sun 11H are younger than what’s expected. he’s permissive. you were a spoiled kid, that has to do with your dad. “dreams” that word is important, he had a lot of influence and power over yours, he could have destroyed them or making sure you have all the resources -depending on the aspects-.

12H: your dad won’t judge your decisions or you. he’ll be a support. he could have difficulties to put limits in a father-son relationship, you could have felt stressed when you’re seeing how your dad is being bullied by your siblings bc of that attitude. you could have being the one who is protecting them or you’re the more serious/introverted one in the dynamic. or the total opposite: he’s too strict and you had to be careful on how to act. there’s something that happened there… you two could share something obvious, an interest, physical appearance, an adjective, etc. something everyone can point out. also, you could feel a strong or subconscious connection with your dad’s sight of the family.

5H: idk why I have the feeling you didn’t saw your dad for a long time and then you saw him, I’m trying to express that your relationship with him it’s not constant. he could be explosive or impulsive. he could contradict himself so much. he could have had you without planning it/unexpected -you were a surprise for him 🤩-. could be that your parents were young when they had you and etc. that’s why you’re like an experiment 😭 your dad doesn’t know how to approach you and he has a temperament. emotions here are fiery, when each other express their emotions they don’t take a seat and have a chat with a cup of tea, they’ll say how they feel crying and screaming.

6H: your dad could have OCD, no, I’m lying, but he could be really fucked up about order. “thinks have to be like this, why you didn’t let me this at this time?” Or the total opposite, not in the middle. he could get sticker in his routine and if things are not how he planned he get stressed. a perfectionist. he could be strict or conservative. he’s sarcastic, that’s why you could be sarcastic too. he’s hardworking and also could help on campaigns and etc. at some point you could have helped him on working on his health. and you could be the one who end up taking care of him/being the sibling who spends more time with him.

♡ Based on personal experience and what I’ve analyzed in my surroundings.

♡ English is not my first language.

♡ I’m not a profesional astrologer.

Thank youu. baibaiii🫣🫶🏼💋

Do not copy. Please give me credits.

#astrology #astro observations #pinterest #astro posts #astro placements #astro notes #sun #whole sign system #12h sun #6h sun #birth chart

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bridgetoesoteria · 3 months

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💌 Love: Feelings and thoughts about you & the connection

OMGGG I hit 50 follows while working on this post. Thank you! I appreciate every one of you 🥰

Y'all already know what it is. Options left to right. Pick a ring! 💍

I'm using multiple decks so cards won't be listed.

See you at your reading. Hope it resonates <3

Pile 1

Off the bat: This relationship could be in a rocky place. I'm seeing a masculine with their brows furrowed like they are stressed or deep in thought. Maybe that is this person's general demeanor. The feminine could have her mind elsewhere or is trying to tune out the masculine.

Feelings for you:

Lots and lots of wands! Temperance is linked to Sagittarius. Maybe this person is a fire sign. Or they just feel quite passionately about you. You know when people say "so and so doesn't play about _____," its like that. When I say passionate, I mean they feel quite strongly. They could be very intense. Some of you may have pulled away because you did not like their energy. I see that they could come back around so be prepared to stand your ground. If they were controlling before, they will continue to be. I say that because I pulled cards I associate with dominance and assertiveness, i.e., the chariot, the king of wands.

For others, you may have gotten into a disagreement with this person. Or you have done something that they are offended by. Some of you may have been super blunt and told them to get their shit together!

Their energy toward you is pretty defensive. However, if you are not talking, I'm not sure that will last forever. (I don't usually give time predictions I am getting 2 weeks). With temperance + the eight of wands, they are being stubborn and delaying communication. I think they will communicate eventually, and should probably do it first. If you reach out first, they could ignore you, intentionally delay responding, or just be immature/petty. They do really want to work it out but they are on edge right now.

Some of you are waiting on this person to choose in some way. The decision could involve work, relocating, or another person. There is so much physical attraction. Like they are ready to take you to poundtown, but its not that kind of reading...

Thoughts on connection:

They could worry and over think a lot. I think they would like for the connection to be healthy. This connection really makes them reflect on what exactly do they want in a partner? What is their ideal connection? They also think about how they show up as a partner.

This person could have had interactions with you that are thought-provoking. They could also be receiving counseling and that is what is leading them to think more about these things. This person could be on some kind of journey; Spiritual journey, health journey, self-discovery journey, etc.

They want to understand where you are coming from. They could be mentally experimenting with the idea of changing certain things and meeting you halfway. They could be a perfectionist or diagnosed with ADHD or OCD. They want your relationship to be perfect. They also think about making breakfast for you and wonder you'd like most.

They think about your communication styles. Maybe they clash. "Is it ever appropriate to blow someone's phone up?" is really standing out to me. They might think they are the "monster" or "villain" in this connection or at this particular time. There are a lot fears and insecurities.

Okay...I have to say this just because it's come up AGAIN. *ahem* some of you may have communicated, in some way, that their sex game is wack.

TL;DR: This person is on the defense. Maybe because of a recent disagreement or an offensive statement. They are planning to come back around, they really want to. They feel very strongly towards you. Beware if they are controlling and domineering. They will come back around with the same energy so be prepared to reassert boundaries. Your connection makes them think so deeply about their ideas around relationships. They overthink a lot. However, they are trying to grow mentally and improve themselves.

Pile 2

Off the bat: Someone may be a stoner. You could get high a lot or when you're together everything feels dreamy. Very heady. You could have met this person overseas or one of you is from a different country. I feel quite nostalgic. So maybe this is an old connection or one that reminds you of a certain era in your life. You could daydream about them a lot. This could be a crush. The masculine may have long hair or blonde hair. Some of you could be LGBT.

Feelings for you:

I think your sacral chakras are very activated by this connection. Now I see why I was getting a heady, intoxicating feeling. Your person is sooo very attracted to you! Like they think you are hot hot. I'm hearing "hot to the touch." I don't know why this is so heavily on their mind. Are you holding back from them? Have you been spending time apart? I keep getting very 18+ flashes in my head. This person seems like the type to actually study the karma sutra.

Some of you may not even know they feel this passionately for you. I'm sure you know they're attracted but do you know they're absolutely feral? I think they try to keep a calm demeanor on the outside. They feel like you have a lot of power over them. Maybe not the connection itself, but you definitely heavily influence this person.

There could be an issue with third parties. I think they feel a bit cursed. Like if things aren't working out, or they met you after they had already settled down with someone else...they are taking it very personally. Its frustrating. They have very deep emotions. They feel things strongly and examine their emotions in solitude. I'm also hearing, "I picked the winning side." So maybe they chose someone else for shallow reasons, or for purely financial reasons. They feel a bit opportunistic like they are waiting to capitalize.

If you are the cheater then this person feels like walking away from you was the right decision. They are defensive toward giving this anymore chances. Maybe this is how they perceive your energy toward them. Some of you may have been the person that experienced a betrayal. You are trying to heal. They are aware of this.

Thoughts on connection:

This person could be veryy avoidant. It is so hard pulling any cards for this part of the reading, so it is likely that they avoid thinking about the connection. Oof after pulling more cards I can see why. I'm using the Ceccoli deck and the knight of pentacles literally says "hate me."

Their thoughts toward you feel very hostile. Or they could view the connection to be hostile. They think you care about yourself than anyone else. In particular, they think that you look good and so you are able to string people along. They feel soo jealous. They feel rejected. They don't want to be just another suitor.

Honestly, I am so taken aback by this energy. I did not see it coming. They are so so mad over you! Honestly, I would stay away from this person. This is the sort of energy where you would have to start from scratch if you ever did decide to give this another go. Or they are realizing they have to move on and start from zero. Like setting up dating app profiles, going on dates, bla bla.

They could be feeling like you know what you're doing. That you target people. Is this a sugar daddy that didn't realize he was a sugar daddy? lol. Either way they think all of your actions are intentional. Maybe this why they feel gloat-y when I pulled their feeling cards. Do they think they are getting revenge?

Take this how it resonates. Reverse roles if needed.

TL;DR: You could have had a very passionate, lusty relationship with this person. Someone feels extremely burned here. For most of you it is this person. They see as a self-absorbed, player. They are super attracted to you, but also very angry and jealous right now. I would keep my distance because they feel very scorned. They could try to avoid thinking about you. Reverse any roles if needed.

Pile 3

Off the bat: I'm tasting cotton candy. Maybe that relates to some memory you made together. I also think this connection could feel very sweet. Maybe you're high school sweethearts. It could also be that you are still in the crush phase or honeymoon phase. Things feel mostly happy.

Feelings for you:

Aww so right away, this person has very tender feelings for you. They feel all warm and gooey on the inside when they think of you. For some, you could be this person's first same-sex crush or relationship. I do think they want to make some kind of offer. They could be considering confessing their feelings or asking you out. They are very attracted to you.

Some of you may not have had sex yet and they are trying to temper their desires. But its not easy. Maybe you want to take your time or you have very conservative values. If they are not getting to communicate with you at all, it is eating them up. They are ready to apologize, make up, or reunited. Whatever it may be. They want to be by your side. I get very simpy vibes and I mean that in the best way possible!

They want to remain optimistic about the connection. They are trying to be brave and build a good connection. Or maybe this what they think of you. Fearless, a trailblazer, good with boundaries. Either way, they want to embody these traits.

Thoughts on Connection:

I really do think this person would have to be "brave" to pursue this connection because that message is coming out again in their thoughts. Maybe they will just have to take a deep breath and make their approach. For others, this may require them coming out of the closet. It doesn't have to be telling the world. Its mainly about telling you.

There are a lot of messages about staying focused and working hard. So they could be hyper focused on putting in effort to make this connection work. They consider the connection itself to be pleasant. They know they can leave their insecurities at the door and drop any facade. You both can be yourselves. This makes them feel so safe.

An example of what all this could look like: You have been spending time together and now you have caught feelings for each other. Maybe for right now your relationship is private. Or their feelings for you are private but they will have to confess them. This could be anxiety inducting. So, taking these actions might not be pleasant, but being with you is. And that's what makes it all worth it.

They are trying to believe that love exists. I think they may actively try to keep their thoughts positive, like challenging negative thoughts when they come up. Maybe they need to have more hope in order to approach you. That its possible to find a good partner. Those people exist. I am also getting that they are struggling like this because of a breakup.

TL;DR: This person gives major simp vibes. They are feeling you for sure! Very very attracted. This relationship could still be in the honeymoon phase or could feel like that. For some this person hasn't even confessed feelings yet. They don't want to keep hiding their feelings from you or hiding the relationship from the world. They are giving themselves mental pep talks! They are trying to be less jaded about love. They are want to do what it takes to make this connection work!

Pile 4

Off the bat: The energy feels very serious. Kind of corporate. A bit stagnant like there isn't much going on in the connection. Someone could be from a small town or from a more traditional part of the country. Maybe a difference in views was an issue.

Feelings for you:

They are fighting their pull towards you. I would not be surprised if they reached out to you soon. If they do, just know that they fought that feeling for as long as they could! Maybe you are matching their energy and they wanted to show you they could wait you out. They could be indulging in vices to distract themselves.

They most definitely feel like "you're mine". They are very possessive over you. They are not going anywhere and they are going to fight off anything threats to the relationship. They find you to be gentle and feminine. Calming. You could remind them of their mother but not in a creepy way. Like say she always knew exactly what to say and they never thought they would find anyone else that could soothe them like that. Maybe you do that for them

If you just reconciled they feel very happy about this. 6 of wands with the tower. They are celebrating. Their pride and ego are off the charts.

Alternatively, this person could have ended the relationship in a dramatic or cruel fashion. They think about how they blew up all the potential that was here. It almost feels like they're gloating. Umm I don't want to go further into this energy because its just hurtful. There's no need to rehash it.

Thoughts on Connection:

As I was looking over the cards (I left them faced down until I finished pulling), I thought "tricky tricky," and in the guidebook, they literally used TRICKY. Idk I thought that was interesting. So this could either be how they think about you or ⚠ these are their actions they are thinking of ⚠

I say this because there are some very player like cards coming out. 3/4 of the oracle cards mention tricks or hidden layers. Since these are their thoughts, this person is aware they are being deceptive. This connection in general could be one where it is wise to trust each other. Maybe you hurt each other.

If you have no history with this person, or this person seems very charming, this is intentional. They could be trying to get into your pants. But in a gross, conquest-y way. Furthermore, the one card that didn't mention tricky energy, talked about being naive and getting caught in a trap...so yeah. No need to belabor the point but this person could be trying to craft the perfect image or relationship to get what they want.

Finally, for some of you, this person is aware they are toxic. They could know it is time to heal. Maybe you even left them because they needed to get it together. They are numb. They are so torn between choosing their vices and choosing to get better. This could be living a party lifestyle vs. getting into rehab. Or being a player vs. going to therapy. I don't think this started with you. If they aren't at rock bottom yet, they are headed there. They know this. They are about to burst so they need to choose. Get better/do better or be consumed by their inner demons.

For some of you, this person feels iced out by you but it is probably by choice. They could change and do better and get you back. Its killing them inside that you are apart, but they have to decide whether are willing to do what it takes to deserve you.

TL;DR: This person feels possessive over you. They also could be vindictive. For example, they may have rejected you in a cruel way. Or they feel you did that. This could be a painful connection for both of you. This person could have a lot of vices that they need to battle. For some, you are dealing with a player who is on a mission. If they are super charming and seem too good to be true, they are. They could be trying to say and do all the right things to get what they want. They could think there are many hidden layers to this connection. There is a lack of trust or they are aware of their deceptive behavior.

This is the final reading from the poll. Which means another poll is otw.

Keep an eye out 👁‍🗨👄👁

~ K

#pick a card reading #pick a card #tarotcommunity #tarot #intuitive readings #pick a pile #oracle reading #tarot reading #spirituality #oracle cards #love reading #love tarot reading

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queerly-autistic · 3 months

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You really can't engage meaningfully with Ed's story in S2 without firmly centring his mental illness and suicidality, because that's inherently what the story is: it's the story of a man having a severe mental breakdown and going to increasingly erratic extremes in order to achieve his end goal, which is to not be alive anymore...and then it's the story of his recovery from that.

And so much of my frustration with the way I see this being talked about (or, in many cases, not being talked about) reflects my more general frustration with how we talk about mental illness and neurodivergence, so buckle in because this got long (also I am going to be discussing suicide here, as well as very brief mentions of psychosis and ocd, so please take care). There's this trend when we talk about mental health: we go 'oh mental illness isn't an excuse' or 'mental illness doesn't make you do bad things' or variations thereof. These are, in my opinion, some of the worst things to ever happen to the discourse around mental illness. It's reductive. Absolutely mental illness can lead you to do things that you would not have otherwise done, even things that you would be absolutely appalled by, if you were mentally well. What do you think mental illness is if it's not something that impacts your brain and how your brain functions? If your mental illness doesn't directly lead to problematic behaviour, then that's fantastic, but that experience is not universal. It's not an 'excuse' - it's an explanation for certain behaviours that's vitally important to acknowledge and understand in order to try and mitigate harm.

There's also this thing that happens with discourse around mental illness where we assume that what you do in the grips of mental illness is reflective of something that's innate inside you. You were violent whilst in the middle of psychosis? Oh, it's because you're an innately abusive person and this just reveals who you really are. You have Tourette's and one of your tics is a racial slur? Oh, it's because you're an innately racist person and this just reveals who you really are. Your OCD is rooted in a fear that you're going to murder your family? Oh, it's because you inherently do want to murder your family and this just reveals who you really are. It's bullshit. What you do in your mentally ill state is not some deep philosophical reflection of your true character, and the idea that it is is something that causes really deep, dangerous harm to mentally ill and neurodivergent people.

So, now that that's over with, back to Ed.

Ed was behaving in ways that were acknowledged in canon as being extremely out of character whilst in the midst of a severe breakdown. Fang himself said that he'd 'never' seen Ed behave this way; even Izzy, who actively pushed for Ed to embody the extremes of his Blackbeard persona, ended up concerned because it became so extreme and out of character that it was impossible not to be concerned by it. The crew who mutinied on Izzy within a day didn't mutiny on him for months, not until their lives literally depended on it, because it's heavily insinuated that they were hoping he would get better. Because this wasn't the Ed that they knew (the Ed that we came to know in S1 - an inherently soft man who is caught in a culture of violence and is tired of it).

The show wasn't subtle about this. It didn't bury the lead. As well as the constant reminders that he was acting out of character in increasingly alarming ways, this was very clearly depicted as a breakdown, an almost total collapse of Ed's mental health. We saw Ed detached and numb and completely dissociated from the world around him. We saw him in private moments of despair, breaking down. We saw him behaving erratically in the grips of mania. We saw him display absolutely textbook warning signs of someone whose made the decision to die by suicide. We saw him smile and say 'finally' at the moment when he knew he was going to die.

The show basically painted a giant neon sign over his head flashing 'THIS MAN IS EXTREMELY UNWELL' in bright lights, and if you miss that, then it's because you're deliberately avoiding looking properly.

(And, important to note, that most of the people that I've watched the show with outside of fandom discourse absolutely took away from these episodes what the show was intending - they saw how unwell Ed was, they were devastated for him, and they desperately wanted him to get better.)

When Ed steered the ship into the storm, and threatened to put a cannonball through the mast, his clear goal was to create a situation where the crew had no choice but to kill him. I've seen people describe this scene as Ed 'trying to hurt the crew', and I think that's very much a misrepresentation of what the show was depicting. It was very blatantly a suicide attempt. He wanted to die, and he didn't care what he had to do in order for him to achieve that goal. That doesn't make it good behaviour, and it doesn't mean people didn't get hurt, but it does make it a very different situation than if causing harm had been his main intent.

There is a fundamental difference between 'he is doing this because he explicitly wants to cause harm to the people around him' and 'he's doing this because he's suicidal and beyond the point of being able to rationally consider who might be getting hurt in the process of ensuring that he ends up dead'. One of those is a bad person who enjoys causing pain - and the other is a deeply unwell person who can be supported and helped to recover and be better (and should be, for the good of themselves and the people around them).

And on that note, the failure to engage with this as a mental health story is also, I think, why I've seen some people get so upset about the show not doing Ed's redemption arc 'right' - because this isn't a redemption arc, and it's not trying to be. One day I'll do a separate post about how much I love that the show explicitly rejected a carceral approach, opting to essentially put him through community rehabilitation rather than punishing him, and even mocking punitive prescriptive measures (that rubbish youtuber apology speech was supposed to be rubbish and unhelpful), but that's one for another day.

The fact is that the show is telling a story about mental illness, and that inherently means that Ed's arc is a recovery arc, not a redemption arc. And if you're expecting a redemption arc, then you've fundamentally misunderstood the story that they're telling (and the revolutionary kindness at the heart of the show).

I have a lot of feelings about this because I genuinely believe that it was one of the best depictions of mental illness and suicidality that I've ever seen. Within the confines of it being a half hour, eight episode comedy show, they told a story about mental illness that was surprisingly realistic (with the obvious fantastical over the top elements of it being a pirate show - and piracy is explicitly depicted as a culture where violence is heavily normalised), and that didn't shy away from the messier, darker, more complex elements of mental illness (particularly of being suicidal).

And then, most importantly, after all that, the show took me gently by the hand said 'you are not defined by what you do in your lowest moment - you can make amends, you can recover, you are still loved, and you are worth saving'.

#cw suicide #cw suicidal ideation #cw mental illness #cw ocd #cw psychosis #i'm tagging all the things just in case someone has them muted for their own wellbeing #ofmd #our flag means death #edward teach #ofmd meta #mental illness #neurodivergence #erin rants

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bugs1nmybrain · 2 months

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Shigaraki's Psychological Conditions Headcanons - (a long ass post)

So, I'll preface this by saying I am NOT a psychiatrist and am not qualified to diagnose shit. I do however have a history of personal mental health disorders and am going to school for mental health work. This is mostly just for theory sake. My word is not absolute

Let's begin

warnings: mental illness as title suggests, not proofread and probably has typos

Antisocial Personality Disorder / Conduct Disorder

This one sort of goes without saying cuz duh he's a villain or whatever. I want to specify that in terms of Antisocial Personality, he likely is a sociopath, NOT a psychopath

I hear people call him a psychopath all the time and it's infuriating because people throw around labels without understanding what they mean. Psychopaths are more cunning and charming, and very manipulative. This isn't to say that Tomura is none of those things. Psychopath, however, applies to people like All For One. Almost diplomatic and very persuasive.

Tomura is a sociopath because he's known for recklessness and abrasive behavior. Psychopaths often pretend to have feelings, but for sociopaths aggression is a key emotion that's visibly displayed. They are also able to feel remorse in some cases, and I run this back to Shigaraki because he spent years in what was implied to be repressed guilt regarding the death of his family. Tomura admits it himself in his flashbacks, but ultimately decides to let go of that guilt (that he still fucking feels and is in DENIAL but that's another post). Hence, his forgiving nature toward his mother and sister when he's dreaming during surgery.

Even after Tomura let that burden go, he has no desire to be cool and collected, he just fucks around and finds out. Overall, though, he disregards people's lives and doesn't have remorse for what he's done because he throws his trauma and desires over it as a bandaid. He does show care and consideration to people in the League, though.

The conduct disorder part of it is self-explanatory. He's a violent criminal, lol.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Duh.

Trauma is pretty much all Tomura has known. I won't reiterate his backstory, but being physically abused and rejected as a child, the murder of his family, being blatantly ignored by people on the streets, and AFO's upbringing? That's a lot

His PTSD is so dehibilitating that it took hold of his body language and behavior. Before the end of s5, Tomura was rigid and hunched over. In the MHA video games, he's also seen as very restless and moving his body around (until s4 era in One's Justice 2). I'll attach a video below.

He's also just very irritable and easily set off at the reminders of his trauma and rejection. "I HATE YOU" is a key example, as up to that point Tomura had been improving his rash behavior, but he's very unsettled by his past and continues to be now.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

His case of OCD is connected to his trauma and emotions. You'll find that a lot of his conditions feed into one another. For him, he has a variant of dermatillomania (often known as the skin picking disorder). For him, that is in the form of scratching rather than picking. But he does it compulsively and without thought, and he does it in attempts to self soothe. I believe he does it occasionally as a self injurious behavior, resulting in itching himself rather than lashing out. He even just does it when he's only moderately anxious or irritated.

Depression

While we don't see Shigaraki slumped in bed or feeling sad in the ways we see in many cases of depression, his "I hate everything" mentality puts him here. Actually, it's safe to say he experiences anhedonia, which is the lack of enjoyment in anything. He seems to somewhat enjoy video games, but his bio states "nothing" as his likes. I'm inclined to believe he feels no personal joy or happiness, and tries to attain that through murderous rage. Never works tho, does it Tomura?

Bipolar Disorder and Unspecified Psychotic Disorder

This one might stir some debates, but I do genuinely think he has a mood disorder. I don't want to feed into stigma that bipolar and psychotic people are "evil," because I myself have these conditions, so maybe I'm projecting lmao. He's definitely not medicated, and so I'd say his case is Bipolar Type 1. This type is characterized by intense manic symptoms, though depressive symptoms can be severe, too.

Tomura has manic tendencies, and he's impacted by mania in that he seems to get spontaneous motivation, but he also will stay stagnant for some time. I saw this as the case when Spinner literally went at Shiggy for putting the League in a complacent stage, but he's done this before, such as when he was in a slump about Stain. When his motivation surges, though, he goes above and beyond and doesn't put extensive thought into it. He just lunges into his desires in pursuit of satisfaction. He also has delusions of grandoisity to some degree and has a moment where he treats himself as invincible. He fought Gigantomachia for almost two months, and kept fucking going at him. Surely, he could've asked the doctor to call him off, but Tomura wanted that power so bad. Tomura also went into his surgery without asking many questions about it. He makes very impulsive decisions, even after people insist that he "matured." He also gets flicked into motivation like a snap of a finger, and proceeds to be lead mostly by endorphins and gratification.

When Tomura experiences what he perceives as a "positive" emotion, it overtakes him. He becomes pretty much engrossed in his bodily sensations. Through maniacal laughter and taunting language that's charged in a hate induced fuel. When Shigaraki has "voila" moments, he has a surge in neuroactivity and gets into aggressive mood stages, but I guess that could apply to most of the villains. I saw this when Deku told him the difference between him and Stain, and Tomura had a surge in manic-like bliss and drive.

I'm not sure if Tomura hearing the voices of his family before his epiphany was just intrusive thoughts, but I thought they may have been auditory hallucinations. Tomura admits to hearing things that aren't there and seeing visual hallucinations, too. Evidenced by:

I hate how the dub translated this into "when you're this tired" as a broad statement. The manga gives this more personal association to Shigaraki, and he says that it happens when he's sleepy, and doesn't specify if it's only when he's extremely sleep deprived or just tired. Also, him staying up for days on end and smiling his ass off reeks of mania. He has delusional sprinkles in his thinking process, but they're not of bizarre nature, and are usually tied to his trauma. At this point in the manga he's very psychotic, though. That has a lot to do with him being fueled with adrenaline and also just breaking out of AFO's control.

I think he is either bipolar type 1 with psychotic features or has a mild case of schizoaffective disorder. Probably the first one, but I'm not sure.

ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder)

This one is more of a gut feeling for me, but I see Tomura as being easily distracted and aloof to his surroundings at times. He's fidgety and does shit on whim.

Also, look at his room.

I'm not saying that everyone with ADHD has a messy room, but from what I can see, he goes from one task, drops it entirely without picking up, and goes to the next. Some could argue that Tomura simply doesn't care, and that's true, but he's at least got some decency to put the shit in trash bags. Trash bags that he HASN'T EVEN TAKEN OUT. I think he gets too caught up in the shit he's focused on that it slips his mind to do simple things like that.

He has spontaneous interests from what I can tell from the many books and toys he has that seem to have gone untouched for some time. He also hyperfixates, and I don't mean interest wise. I mean that when he's dwelling on something, it doesn't leave his mind for DAYS, until he gets some gratification. All Might in s1 and Stain s2 for example.

In conclusion, this boy has a grocery list of conditions, but I love Tomura. I love my beautiful prince with a disorder, and he is so dear to me.

I'm open to discussions about this, but please keep them respectful.

#shiggy #shigaraki tomura #shigaraki tomura headcanons #shigaraki headcanons #tomura shigaraki #shigaraki x reader #shimura tenko

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icyg4l · 2 months

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Pick-A-Poet: How Can You Heal Your Ancestral Trauma?

Paid Readings

Hello people, thank you for your patience. In honor of Black History Month, I am dedicating a series to Black American icons. This post is dedicated to Black American poets. Below, there will be a quote that was chosen from one of their poems to go along with the reading. The deck that will be used in this series is the Hoodoo Tarot deck. Without further ado, please pick the poet that stands out to you.

***Disclaimer: Some topics may be triggering to whomever is viewing.

Left-to-Right (1-3): Maya Angelou, Countee Cullen, Reneé Watson.

“Love strikes away the chains of fear from our souls” - Maya Angelou, Touched by an Angel.

Cards Used: Three of Coins, Dr. Buzzard, Dem Bones (RX), Mother of Baskets, Ten of Coins, Strength.

Pile One: For those of you that resonated with the quote from Maya Angelou, I have a question for you. You do know that you don’t have to be anyone’s ride or die, right? You are loyal to a fault. But it’s literally within your bloodline to be that way. There could be someone in your family who was scapegoated, falsely accused of a crime or could have went to jail for something that was easily avoidable. I heard, “Make it right. Do what’s best for you.” You could be in the process of making a life changing decision right now but the air is foggy. It’s okay to be selfish, if it means you’ll be led down the right path. You don’t need to follow what everyone else is doing. Your ancestors want you to know that you don’t need to be so hard on yourself either. Compassionate TLC is what you need to give yourself. I keep seeing images of quick weave hairstyles in my head & my head got itchy while I was doing this reading. I think you need to take a break from these & let your scalp breathe. Let yourself breathe in general. For those of you that are darker skinned, there is a female ancestor (grandmother or aunt) that wants you to know it’s okay to experiment with your personal style. I’m channeling Doechii’s energy. You don’t seem to be conventional, they respect it. So don’t be scared to look different. People will always have something to say but your beauty is admired by all.

“Death cut the strings that gave me life, and handed me to sorrow” - Countee Cullen, Saturday’s Child.

Cards Used: Black Herman, Ace of Knives, Nine of Knives, Eight of Coins, Aunt Caroline, Daughter of Knives, Three of Knives, Six of Baskets.

Pile Two: You do know that you don’t have much to worry about, right? Throughout American history, we have seen the documented struggles of Black Americans. With each generation, the next would have one less thing to worry about. Your ancestors want to tell you that you are more privileged than you think you are. You tend to worry about things that are out of your control. I feel that a lot of you could have dealt with unexpected death a lot in the past couple of years, specifically dealing with the lungs/heart. Your ancestors could have a history of heart disease/lung disease. This could have been a family member that you drifted apart from & you feel guilty for it. But there’s nothing that you can do to change the past, my love! What you can do is take care of your physical body. Join the gym. Drink lemon water. Eat when you feel like it & don’t label any foods are ‘good’ or ‘bad’. I heard someone coughing; you should avoid smoking cigarettes & weed as well or really any substance intake. Eat bananas too! You can only control what goes on with I also feel that some of your ancestors could have been hypochondriacs, had OCD or suffered from religious delusions. I would considering talking to a therapist if you feel that you’re headed down that path. Make decisions that are beneficial to your freedom but remember to count your blessings.

“Our bodies, a mosaic of languages forgotten, of freedom songs and moaned prayers” - Black Girls Rising, Reneé Watson.

Cards Used: Big Mama, Miss Ida, Ace of Sticks, Mother of Sticks, Six of Knives and Three of Sticks.

Pile Three: You’ve been saying you’re going to move out of the city you’re in for too long. Get out and stop talking about your plans to relocate. Your ancestors don’t think that there is anything there for you anymore. Your family could have lived in this city for decades but it’s changed so much that you don’t even recognize it anymore. Some of you could be from the East Coast, specifically Philly or Baltimore. You need to get out before you talk yourself into circles again. Some of y’all could be in school about to finish up a degree; keep going. A grandmother spirit is so so so proud of you. Before you relocate, take some days off to visit so that you can see what this new city is like. Many of your ancestors were not able to make plans and go through with them because of unfortunate life situations. Teen/unexpected pregnancy, severe mental illness and/or murder could have been factors that prevented them from following their dreams. If teen pregnancy runs in the family, you should acknowledge this as a fear of yours so that you can make smart decisions in regard to sex rather than making costly choices. Also, practice safe sex with a partner that is equally as conscious as you. Your ancestors want you to know that you can accomplish anything you put your mind to. You have bright ideas and you should share them with the world. Be confident in your spotlight. You deserve to take up space.

#law of assumption #manifesting #neville goddard #hoodoo #tarot #tarotreading #astro notes #pick a card #pick a pile #divination #pac reading #pick an image #spirituality #tarot deck #tarotcommunity

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call-of-ishmael · 5 months

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Ishmael as having Pure O (OCD)

Inspired by a post i saw of someone saying their own experiences with OCD didn't line up with Ishmael (which i liked a lot, i always love seeing discussions on this) i wanted to give my own take based on my own experiences with OCD. Its my take Ishmael suffers from a bit of a lesser known variety, Pure Obsessional OCD. Now Pure O is a bit of a misnomer, because you DO have compulsions, they are mostly mental though, and there can be accompanying behaviors that are more outward, however it can be hard to miss, and in my experience has even made my family doubt the diagnosis at times cause its tricky. Now for Ishmael, she seemingly has no outward compulsions, but she has one thing, avoidant behaviors, like hiding away in her cabin during the first part of Canto V, which again leads to a bit of another connection, her whetting her harpoon for entirely too long, a small but noticeable behavior accompanying her avoidant behaviors. Avoidant behaviors tend to be the more outward of symptoms at times, cause mental compulsions are hard to spot. Post also mentioned that anxieties didn't seem to be that prevalent before 4.5-5 and id disagree. Dante noticed some anxious behaviors early on (They for example say she will start talking really quickly and in excess when nervous). She has always come off as always being on edge to me at least. Anxiety has always been a part of her behaviors but as we have seen shes been masking it a lot. Finally a bit more on a personal note, they mention in the post too that OCD tends to be many things, but there can be a tendency to single mindedness, you just wanna quiet down whats wrong and you need to take whatever path it is to make it stop hurting, and considering shes facing one of her biggest traumas, this being what shes been stuck on for the better part of the whole Canto makes perfect sense. Other stuff is her catastrophizing, endless ruminating on what could go wrong (she starts thinking of scenarios of what might just completely make it a disaster, what if Dante cant bring anyone back, what happens if they go overboard?) this isn't new, shes been this way since Canto II where she wants a perfect plan and is really only satiated by Effie and Saudes plan being watertight, one thing mentioned in the post is ruminating anxiety, and her behaviors not just in this chapter but in small ways before clearly give me an impression of this ruminating behavior always considering what could go wrong and wanting something rational to follow. In conclusion, her behavior before, this canto and during the Canto give me the impression she has Pure O which she has been trying her hardest to mask until she just couldn't anymore, and its now we are finally seeing some of those hints of mental compulsions turn into more outward behavior. If youd like to read a bit more on Pure OCD heres an article that while a bit general gives a good idea https://ocdla.com/obsessionalocd

#limbus company #ishmael lcb #ishmael limbus company #canto v spoilers #limbus spoilers #ocd

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irbcallmefynn · 4 months

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Pinned Post for 2024!

A new year calls for a new pinned! Hi! I'm Fynn!

Bigender Transfem Thing (She/He/It/They) furry, artist, almost certainly audhd+ocd+some sort of anxiety disorder (undiagnosed) so bear with me. I'm 20, so I may be adult on here sometimes! I do have an 18+ sideblog but I don't wanna tag it here. Find it yourself if you want it that bad (if you really can't find it but want to see it message me). I will tag things to the best of my ability when needed.

DNI if you're a piece of shit. Zoos, Pedos/Maps/whatever, Nazis, Queerphobes (any of them. No Arophobia allowed), Antifurs, Racist, Sexist, etc. Basically if you're on the DNI list of most queer furries you're on mine. So go step on some Lego someone spilled glass on.

I'd be careful if you're a minor. I'd suggest blocking "#nsfw" so you don't see things you shouldn't. Aside from that you're probably fine? Especially since I have a separate 18+ blog now. If I do slip up and either forget to tag something or accidentally reblog something to or from the wrong account please let me know so I can fix it!

I'm Aegosexual (I experience sexual attraction but am repulsed by sex), Polyamorous (taken <3 <3 <3), and Demiromantic (got three friends I love so so much) <3 <3 <3

I'm Therian to some degree. I know I'm not a wolf or anything. Never have been. But I really wish I was anything other than a human. So Therian it is! I'm also Plushie-kin and Program-kin. Just feel like there's a lot in common between plushies and what I want to be like, and the dependence betwern programs and the machines they're on is my ideal type of relationship. I'm also Alterhuman, Please refer to me as a wolf or dog or puppy or bug or plushie it makes me happy :3 you can find my kinlist thing here

The U.S government sucks ass and so does the economy. Expect me to complain about that a bit on here I guess. Or at least reblog things with tags saying I hope the elite all explode.

I have three main OCs: Fynn is a he/him half demon wolf thing who magicked his mouth off and is basically the mascot of the blog. Nauno is a he/they avali and is extremely gay and very kleptomaniac and I love them. Euphi is a she/heart protogen that happens to be immortal for some reason. Click on their names to see their reference sheets! Click here for a link to the lore doc all about them and the world of Cosme! And click here for my truesona's ref sheet!

And now, some tags. "#fynn art" is for all of my art things. Pictures mainly, little bits of music here and there maybe. "#oc lore" is for when I talk about the lore of my ocs (or worldbuilding for them). "#bedposting" is something I do every night, just kinda whatever's on my mind before bed (may be very weird so heads up). "#art rb" is just for when I reblog art, if I keysmashed a whole bunch in another tag it means I really love it :3

I am into weird shit but probably don't expect much here. Maybe some tagged Transfur/Plushification art. Most of that shit is going to the alt blog babey.

FAQ (frequently-ish asked questions):

Do you take Commissions? No, and I have no plans to. I don't want to make money off of my art. I create for the sake of creating, not for fame or fortune. Related,

Can you commission me? Also no. I have no means of paying people at all. On the topic, don't come up to people and ask them to commission you. That's rude. If they want to commission you, they'll come to you.

What does the IRB stand for? My real initials. My legal first, middle, and last name. It's a force of habit. If/When I get my legal name changed I will change the blog name.

Thanks for reading! Now you should hopefully be at zero risk of being blasted by my death lasers (the block button)!

If this site goes belly up maybe I'll make a Spacehey. More than likely though, I'd be giving up on social media. Sorry!

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boghermit · 5 months

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I could write pages about what BG3 means to me, and I probably will at some point. But let me share a "few" of my thoughts right now, largely unedited.

Under cut for being way too damn long. I will be talking about transgender representation, OCD, and abuse.

The transformative (pun intended) power of representation.

This is the first game where I've been able to play a transgender character, without mods, in any way that faintly resembles what I hope to some day look like. At no point in the game am I made to feel like a freak for my gender identity. Compare this to lesser RPGs like DAI where being trans is treated as an anomaly and the character you play as can be a total dick to a transgender character with no repercussions. Being transgender is entirely normalized in BG3. You are not a punchline. You are not an anomaly. You are a normal, respected, and valued part of the world.

In the grand scheme of life, this is a very small thing, to be respected and appreciated by fictional characters in a piece of media. But I can say without a shadow of a doubt that it made me hate my body less. I still have strong gender dysphoria, but I don't want to punch the mirror every time I see my own reflection anymore. I think "well, you don't look like you should, but that's just the way it is right now, and that's okay."

It also must be said that the BG3 fandom has also been a VERY large catalyst for this new confidence in my own body. It has brought me so much indescribable joy to see peoples' art of their transgender characters and to see trans identities and bodies celebrated to such an extent. I entered 2023 hating my body, and as 2023 draws to a close, I find myself more and more comfortable in it.

Resisting the Urge.

Disturbing intrusive thoughts are a hallmark symptom of OCD -a symptom that most people with OCD, including myself, are reluctant to talk about. For those unfamiliar with OCD, intrusive thoughts are unwanted thoughts, often violent, sexual, inappropriate, or otherwise viscerally upsetting in nature, that many people with OCD experience. Intrusive thoughts can turn into obsessions, and obsessions can fuel a person's desire to engage in compulsions in an attempt to regulate intrusive thoughts. Due to their disturbing nature, our intrusive thoughts can become a strong source of shame and self-hatred, and prompt us to believe that there is something morally wrong with us, when in fact we are just suffering the unfortunate symptoms of an unfortunate disorder.

The Dark Urge experiences thoughts and "Urges" like these throughout the entirety of the game. They can "fester" in the Urges, or they can resist them. They can also admit to the main companions that they are having these horribly violent thoughts.

And it is here, in the first few hours of my first playthrough, that I knew the writing of BG3 was going to be something incredibly special.

The companions do not berate the Dark Urge for having horrible thoughts. They do not react with disgust. Most of them will express sympathy, and reassure them that so long as their thoughts don't become actions, they're alright. This mirrors talking points in actual real life therapy for people with OCD. I was wholly expecting the companions to just totally shit on my character for having demented thoughts. There are other modern RPGs where companions will berate you for doing something as innocuous as stealing a pencil. In BG3, you can describe your thoughts of extreme and horrible violence, and your companions will encourage you not to hate yourself for it.

There's also the scene with Isobel, which I almost forgot to talk about. This is, in my opinion, one of the most powerful scenes in the game. It made me cry. You can tell Isobel that your Urges are demanding that you kill her. She tells you that you don't have the eyes of a killer, and if you resist your murderous Urge, you can apologize to her for your "spells of madness." She gently forgives you, but not before saying one of my favorite lines in the game.

Ultimately, the Dark Urge has much worse than OCD going on, but it was still very refreshing and meaningful to see such a sympathetic take on intrusive thoughts.

You are not your thoughts - you are your actions.

Trauma, catharsis, and healing.

Abuse is, in my opinion, one of the biggest themes of BG3. You can see it in the way Mystra regards Gale. You can see it with the Dark Urge and Bhaal. And most notably, you can see it with Astarion and Cazador. I didn't go into BG3 expecting to confront themes of abuse. It made me realize some very very unfortunate things. (Thank god, I've never been through anything as severe as, say, Astarion, but I have been in no small amount of toxic and emotionally abusive relationships.)

I recognized myself in Gale's blind desire to please a goddess who thinks he should kill himself, and I hated it. I recognized myself in the Dark Urge's desperation to please his god, only to have his heart stopped because "Bhaal will accept the world from him, and nothing less," and I hated it. I recognized myself in Astarion's prickly survivalist prey animal behavior, his lack of self worth, and his fear of trusting people, and I hated it. No one wants to be confronted with the fact, however true it is, that they're in pain. No one wants to be confronted by the fact that their painful experiences have warped them so much that they struggle to find themselves beneath the nest of thorns and barbed wire they've built.

And no one wants to confront the reality that they deserve better.

Thankfully, catharsis and healing are also major themes of BG3. You never really get the feeling that these characters will ever be completely "cured" of their pain. There are multiple scenes where characters openly weep, or talk about how empty they feel, even after they've started on the path to healing from their traumas. Which is unfortunately, true to life. Healing doesn't happen over night. But you are given the feeling that the characters are beginning to heal. BG3 tells you that healing is not out of reach. BG3 tells you that hope isn't an impossibility.

BG3 tells you in many many ways that you are not alone, sometimes verbatim, and that there is hope, and I think that is why it has resounded so strongly with so many people, including myself.

That's all the infodumping I have for now. Maybe one day I'll organize these thoughts into a more coherent article or maybe even a video.

#bg3 spoilers #okay to rb

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