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thestudyfeels · 5 years

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How To NOT Be Depressed.

(Or If You Prefer — How to Be Substantially Happy About Life.)

WARNING: This is one rollercoaster ride of a post. Proceed with extreme caution. For some, the staggering levels of insight may induce true purpose and re-establish their warrior spirit. For others, side effects may include grammatically incorrect hate or aloof eyerolls. We advise exiting if the said group includes you, for we're very tired of cleaning vomit off the seats.

Step aboard at your own risk.

If you’re one of the brave souls who stayed back to join us, I congratulate you for even I am scared of how crazy this post truly is. Alrighty then, kick back and relax folks, today we’re having a mature, adult conversation. Merely another cheery afternoon spent talking about life and its realities. Not too bad, eh?

Before we begin, spoiler alert! For those of you already turned off by the mention of 'depression’ and packing their bunnies to leave, sit tight. This ISN'T really about depression. This is about HAPPINESS. No clickbait. That got your attention, right butterfly? Nice, now stay.

A welcoming, maybe demanding A/N: Do me a favor and read this in one go. Maybe even plug in those headphones and listen to the songs dedicated to each part as you read. It's long, you have the new Riverdale episode to catch up on, but don't hop away just yet because (I had a couple moments writing this, alright) it's life changing. You'll prolly cry a few tears of realization, nod all nod-able body parts in agreement, beat your chest at random instants 'cause the hype’s too real, and perhaps, if it isn’t too much to hope for, finally go change your life for the better. In case you've forgotten, this'll remind you that there’s always hope, that you're a born conqueror, and you were made to THRIVE, not survive. Convinced? Kay, roll the cams.

To clarify first-hand, no, I'm not depressed although I’ve experienced mild depression for a period before. Glad to say I'm out of it but I still struggle with tackling what I'm about to detail next.

Insert bitter voice, it’s this: My life is nowhere near I want it to be. Though I know vaguely what I wanna do, I haven't yet figured out how the hell I’m supposed to get there, or how my dream life is to be sketched out. It’s all a blurry mess. Which, to put it bluntly, hurts. I HATE feeling powerless and worthless, roaming about aimlessly.

There are many such moments where I hit the brakes to wonder why I’m not living THE Life already. There have been several times when I curl up and cry a frickin’ Amazon. There are horrible nights where I'm shaking with emotions, but they won't release, leaving me choked. (…not in that way, you hoes. Um, just ruined the dramatic mood with a lame dirty joke, sorry.)

They say talking helps and that's why I figured I'd drop in. But perhaps more importantly, I wanted to hang because no matter how unfocused the lens may seem at my future, I don't consider myself a dopey loser incapable of the crazy dreams or wild bucket lists I fantasize about– and I thought I'd skip along to remind you that neither should you. (Or maybe I just came to sniff the new appetizers, who knows?)

PS: I also broke a sweat listing six ways to get outta depression– alternatively, to be more of a conqueror– because y'all are always pestering me with asks that go “how do I conquer omg send supplies” (Like, imagine a conqueror saying that! Oh, the crime, the atrocity!)

So yes, you're welcome. Have a feast with this litness.

The main reason behind people being so frightfully sad, I’ve found, is a huge lack of fulfillment. We don't do what we love, for either— [ 1 ] we aren’t living life the way we want to (since we keep doing things we feel we're supposed to do) OR [ 2 ] because Mama, Papa and Mrs. Carter next door feel that struggling is the only way, and project their traditional beliefs onto us. Either way, whether or not we consciously realize this, subconsciously, we're all hurting because of it. Badly.

That lingering feeling of emptiness never seems to leave. You feel drained every night when you drop into bed, not because you gave it your all, but because you couldn't. And so, we do the next best thing. Drugs. Maybe not literally, but figuratively. We numb out this subconscious pain by binge watching Netflix shows. We deaden ourselves to that discomfort by reading smut in the bathroom or by playing dumb video games all day. We try (and fail) to extinguish this feeling of not ‘being enough’ by having silly flings or fake friendships.

And ultimately, we NUMB ourselves out to LIFE for we can't bear to live the way we're living. There's a reason why “How to Stop Procrastinating” posts are so popular (they’re a blogger’s most foolproof way of paying the month’s rent, and yes, even I'm guilty of a couple). We’re constantly having FOMO and tuning into others' highlights on social media– completely missing out on our own lives in the process. We fail to realize that the culprit is lack of genuine purpose more than zero self-control (or maybe it’s both, but that’s a tale for another day).

[On a side note, obviously I did generalize a bit– video games can be a passion for you, watching shows a way of winding down. But for most, they’re only DISTRACTIONS, just another way of ignoring the calls of life by hanging up the phone.]

And here's the bitter truth about depression: The longer you wait to start living authentically, the more you start tuning out the inner cries wanting change, the faster your dreams start to ebb away, and the more you'll want to become insignificant. And to me, that's the scariest part of this journey to my dream life.

Nothing frightens me more than knowing that the moment I stop pushing, the very moment I give in to distractions and fears, my goals will stop manifesting themselves and I'll be stuck in this small town with its small people eternally. And THAT, I'm certain, won't be any more fun than working your way through a soggy ham sandwich, ironic as soggy is what life has become. (Yes, I have a thing against soggy sandwiches. They were a kid's worst lunch nightmare.)

If you relate, and I’m sure you do (it’s probably why you stopped scrolling through cheesy fanfic for ten minutes to read this, I know you amigo) — here are six ways to NOT be depressed. Or more accurately, to gift wrap yourself some sweet ol’ happiness.

You're a Samurai and the Following Be Your Katanas —

Hol’ up. The second you reach the End Card, I want you to drop your Cheerios and implement at least THREE of these six strategies. Just follow the Takeaways, I've made this really simple. And as a rule, one of them has to be this one. (Look, don't whine. If you wanna climb outta that dark hole, you gotta put in some effort. So pop that booty, and let’s get down to business!)

Here’s the most truthful, though cheesy thing I’ll ever say: I would be nowhere I am today without this blog. If not for it, I would most likely be weeping in a dug-out hole somewhere, drowning in my salty little pond of tears and chiming every loser’s favorite words (“there's no point”). Creating this blog gave me a definite purpose – putting out fiery content, dipping myself deep into my newly found passion for writing and influencing, and connecting with other conquerors on the platform.

I meet a lot of folks, whether at Sad School, Mouldy Mall, or Boring Bus stop, who always seem to be in a state of death-inducing boredom. When asked about their favorite thing to do, they’ll mumble “sleep” or “food” like Siri narrating your cat’s evening routine. And then you see adults, dragging through life mindlessly. Utterly clueless, floating like a piece of driftwood in an ocean bubbling with life. My sympathy quota gets overdosed everytime I think about it.

To spell it out, find something to do. Anything! Learn a language, try some ballet, take pictures of your neighbor's rose garden, make an art piece and show it to your mom, stitch buttons onto shirts for fun, heck, make an entire shirt out of buttons, take a break from reading smut to write your own, frutify your farts, WHATEVER, just get up and move.

And here’s why – nay, not to keep you engaged or make you feel less worthless, not that bullcrap. It’s to put in gear the journey of figuring out what is the shite that you love doing. Too often we get stuck thinking about what our oh-so-great passion is. Get this, passion is energy. A spark for something. A magical fortune cookie which, when cracked, seems to explain everything, gives you the very reason for being alive. You can only feel that fire, that wild love, when you actually do it. So get cracking is all I’ll say!

Takeaway:

Attempt something. Nah, scratch that, imagine you’re in a sweet shop with shelves lined with free samples and try everything. Pick up that Polaroid cam, take that dreaded history course, buy that children’s cooking kit– in short, start working. Pull out all the stops, get curious, and get creative. In the process, if you promise to try hard enough, you WILL (money back guarantee) find out what makes your little heart burst with mad happiness and would willingly do for free, if needed, because you really are that crazy about it. And that, my dear, will be your oh-so-great-indeed passion. Have no doubt, you’ll never be “bored” again.

Real talk, having a dream is a big deal. And unfortunately, I’ve witnessed, rarely anyone has one to begin with. They’re either more dead than the cheap skeleton I bought for Halloween or believe they have a dream, but in reality, it belongs to mom, dad, or Uncle Sammy. Listen, doing something for someone you love (my Uncle Sammy used to supply me with cold cash whenever he came around, loved that guy) is great! YET, if you’re willing to throw away your life to fulfill others’ expectations, convincing yourself it's because they love you, even when YOUR lonely heart craves bigger things than just a marketing job, then you, my friend? Are the biggest fool. Don’t get offended, we both know it, this girl needn't ramble.

Recently, my relatives were over (nope, sadly not Uncle Sammy) and my cousin and I had a chat about life (correct, I grab every opportunity to do so). It wasn't very exciting I must say, he kept staring off into the distance (I wonder why), but what he SAID is what I'll talk about. After I’d gushed about my dreams, he asked skeptically if being an influencer would still be an ambition two years from now when I graduate. I raised my eyebrows, mock hurt, like eff you son, I ain’t giving up on my dreams! But that question got me thinking.

Life is wild. Unpredictable. An unexpected call, a single person, a random BLOG POST (cough) – can turn your life upside down, sometimes in the affirmative, other times not. This variability of life isn’t uncommon, and everyone experiences some part of it– unpaid student loans, failing startups, talent and art going unnoticed in industries dominated by wealth and connections, you name it. If all of that doesn’t make you run for the Himalayas and abandon any dreams, throw in a quick side dish of dysfunctionale famiglia with a sprinkle of self-image issues.

It ain’t easy, darling. The world is one cruel headmistress; it loves slapping awake the daydreamers and wishful thinkers. That hasn't ever actually stopped the dropouts and class clowns from building castles in the air though. And the common blueprint you notice they follow? Let me introduce you to… Madness. Obsession. Maniacal obsession, to say. (Yes, I'm done playing with my words.)

I struggled writing this point. A pestering voice in my head kept mumbling – They'll go back to doing the same sad shit anyway. Um, does anyone even read your posts? Lol, call yourself an influencer, hun. Hesitation started creeping in. Then the irony of the situation struck me. I laughed, shook my head and got back to typing.

We ran out of juicy gossip weeks ago, so here’s your tea served cold: insecurities and self doubt WILL get in the way. That whiny voice was just a mild version of what you face when you go all in. Fear traps you in its cage, and those who prattled behind your back now progress to talking shit in your face. Criticism and self doubt resurfaces, so unless your defenses are strong, you'll be crushed. Destroyed REAL quick.

When hell breaks loose (oh honey, and it WILL), your self defense comprising of maniacal obsession must be well learnt. Let them attack, mock, heck, drag you away from the desk and hurl you at the top of a damn mountain, but you better STILL hike back down, show them the middle finger, and continue working. That's how bulletproof you've gotta be. That's how madly do you have to love your dreams. And if you really think this will be a cake walk or want to continue complaining about Stuart being born with a silver spoon, hop off the train already. Your destination isn't on the tour list.

Look, my dreams terrify me. But they certainly make me feel more alive than complying with what every parent said about getting good grades and holding together a roof on my head. My ambitions set me free, give me a reason to fucking live. And yet, every now and then, something makes me question them. A fear engulfs me, some doubter proclaims I suck, someone I love is so blinded they can't see my vision. And that's okay. My defenses are way stronger. The next day rolls round, and you'll find me hustling again, thriving again. All because I know that even if no one reads my posts (the worst case scenario, I know y'all love me lol), someday in the future, someone will. I know that even if I’m not an influencer yet, if just one reader becomes a conqueror because of my words, it would be a win. A big win. I'd have done my job. All because I’m wildly, yes maniacally, obsessed with my dreams.

So hey, cousin? This influencer thing? This will be my dream long after I've graduated. Till the day I die, and maybe even then I'll rise from my grave to give a dead pal a lively pep talk. My watchtower has just been upgraded, so thank u, next.

Takeaway:

“General, we've arrived!” Finally! Position those cannons, Martha, let’s talk them through the defenses. All aboard? AHOY MATEY! (wait, that was one for the pirates). Step one, dare to create a dream in your mind’s eye. The bigger, the crazier, and the scarier, the better. Doesn’t matter how impossible it is, don’t care how many voice their opinion against it, just imagine, keep a million possibilities in mind.

Once you see the life you truly want (you’ll know, everything will seem to zing)— have a sip. Become OBSESSED for that life. Thirst after that vision, itch to manifest it, and pine for the satisfaction that’ll come to your soul once it’s made a reality. Fall madly in love with the process and how magical it feel when you do it. And THEN, bellow a loud war cry and charge headfirst into battle, shields held high at all the criticisms. We conquerors never cared much for them anyway.

(play ♬) Picture this: forehead stamped with beads of sweat. Calloused hands working their fingers to the bone and eyebrows furrowed in deep concentration. Conjure an image where powerful beats are pulsing hard in your ears, synced with your own elevated heartbeats, and you’re thriving. Performing. Winning. Guess the secret to that? Preparation. Champions prepare. You can’t throw anything to the winds or rely on ‘luck’ or chance to conquer.

Tough days are in everyone’s calendar, be it your extra cheerful neighbor, Sally, or lone wolf classmate, Derrick. We’ve all found ourselves sulking over an awful situation, scooping into mint ice cream to forget mistakes, errands, and ghosting exes. Yet guess what? The solution isn’t the proclaimed “be positive!” or “It all happens for a reason, don’t you worry” - the key is coming up with a method to dodge the discouraging effect these hiccups have on us.

So every bad day, I bring out a mason jar containing a knot of chits and one secret letter which is, on most days, kept hidden on the top shelf of my cupboard. I make myself comfortable on the bed, read all my bits of paper carefully, including the letter addressed to yours truly, close my eyes, and mentally fight back whatever’s bringing me down.

A short while later, I get up, now a warrior, and go slay the rest of the day like it was my last one on this planet. That jar is my jar. A Conqueror’s jar. One look at those powerful reminders, and I’m grounded once again, the beast within me now unleashed to kill.

Takeaway:

Honey, go get yourself a jar. Along with some papyrus and ink. Then start jotting down. Document past victories, future visions, fears that mean zilch to the person you’re about to become, batty goals you’ve still gotta chase, reminders that the majority will never understand what it is you’re tryna do here, and how that’s perfectly alright 'cause you'll find your conquerors, your squad one day. Create your victory jar. And then go knock ‘em down dead. Bad days stand no chance against you. You’re a winner, a fucking rebel. Go take what’s yours.

Y’know, I’m perfectly aware that many muggles reading this will whine that dealing with depression ain’t no piece o’ pie and it’s hella hard to get up and take the crown when you feel like a pile of dino dung.

Stop it. Get some help. (See what I did? Like Michael- ok ok, calm thyself.) For real though, and I’m tired of repeating this with my kitten stamped microphone (but I’ll keep at it ‘cause it’s that significant) – whining is WORTHLESS. It saps up precious energy that could be used to make life a scrumptious smoothie. (Loothie? As in life + smoothie? Right, yes, I’m shutting up.)

And even THEN, we find denizens complaining about slow WiFis and thin crust pizzas and how the market’s down and the government’s incompetent. Because blabbering makes us feel important. Heard. But keeping yo’ trap shut and actually doing stuff? Hustling for your dreams when nobody’s watching? Actually walking the talk? C’mon, Emma, don't be naive, ain’t nobody getting recognition for that.

Trust me, I get it. The world is yet to become a feminist, turns out your boyfriend was cheating on you while you were looking up wedding dresses, mommy’s a drunk loser, and idiots are being voted into office. It’s a lot to handle. But thanks to our immense and ever increasing population (we folks really love our rumpy pumpy, can you tell) — there will surely be one chum, facing exactly the same misfortunes as you, but still turning up at every party and bulk-spamming his friends with puppy pictures while you sit and wail. (One Moaning Myrtle is enough, thank you very much.)

Look, I’m not undermining your worries or obstacles. I’m only reminding that you have the marvelous choice of positivity. To CHOOSE hope and a better future when others won't. To FIND (and it's always possible) something to look forward to even when the to-do’s a big snore. To KNOW, deep inside, that you're a magnificent conqueror, no matter what mess you’re in at the moment, and that the world dances to your rhythm. Realise that it's up to you to let yourself be happy. At any moment, you have the very say-so to get up and start rocking. Dumbledore said it himself, “It is our choices, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” So choose better, and you’ll unconsciously do better as well. And yes, that being said, this is the last HP reference, don't fret. Be positive instead. (Edit: Ha, look at these quips, the girl's all grown up now.)

Takeaway:

Your new occupation is to be a sunflower. If you think back, you'll probably recall Miss Honey rattling on about phototropic movement in AP biology. No? Me neither. Point is, sunflowers always face the sun. Put them ANYWHERE, hide them in the dungeons, throw them in a trash bag and shoot it off to the moon, they’ll still turn around and face the sun. No matter what. And taking inspo from that, you too can stop scripting creative soliloquies for being depressed. Happiness is YOUR right, YOUR priority, don't let anyone take it away from you or diminish its importance. DON’T let sadness ruin your vibe, do what you've gotta do to protect yourself. Track happiness in yo’ journal, set 84 reminders on your phone, and tattoo “Long as you’re beaming up at the sun, all the shadows will be left behind” on your boobs. Do whatever, just don’t turn the corners of your mouth down. You’re so pretty this way.

The other day, I was doing the deathly Plié Alternative Heel Lifts (these names, I swear) and my legs felt dead. Gone. Put to sleep like the Wicked Witch of the East. Now obviously, the timer wasn’t not even halfway done yet, but my cheeks were already flushing red like dear Santa, and NOT because I was high on choco chip cookies. I sighed, and at that point, I was so over giving up. All this while, I’d been whining and protesting because my muscles felt sore, but in that moment, I made up my mind. I bit my lip and kept going. On and on. Keep pulsing, you got it, don't stop, was the mantra I kept chanting.

Won’t sugarcoat it, I honestly hadn’t died this much since that time Miss Honey buried me alive with trig assignments. My legs were now basically Play-doh and I was shaking, fighting for balance. A few seconds in though, something crazy happened. My legs went numb. My grumbling mind quietened and the pain vanished. That evening, I had the upper hand, not my physical perceptions of myself. I was powerful. Flawless. (Hey Santa, do you even lift bro?) Real talk, I was in the Zone, bitches.

I’m not sure if that was the result of excessive pain or because Wonder Woman’s spirit possessed ma bod, but staying loyal to my love for metaphors, I’ll use the experience to explain what I’m tryna get at here.

Look, here’s the real deal — if all of the greats gave up the second things got frowny, we probably would have no one to worship. Nix role models, nix inspirations, none to stalk on Insta - we’d all be bumbling about like Sad from the even sadder Emoji movie (no shade, emojis be lit).

And that'd be very sad (pun definitely intended). Hence, cue some tangible ways to boosting your grit, so that you can be your own superhero:

1) Get yo’self a goddamn motto,

2) Know your “Why,”

3) Repeat the cycle till it’s in your blood. Btw, Shawn, if you here, I’m still a single pringl—HEY PAL I SEE YOU, DON'T SCROLL.

Seriously, don't brush these prime steps aside. We're always going for the advanced modes, and deeming these basic levels a waste of time. Well guess what, compadre, YOUR LIFE IS A GODDAMN WASTE O’ TIME IF YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR BASICS RIGHT. Excuse my outburst, but listen. You can’t do a hundred bicep curls on your first workout if you haven't lifted anything more than a crisps packet. Likewise, if you simply jump into Life one day, and decide “ok, here it is, 12 habits to build, sleep schedule to fix, man to ask out, let's go,” you ain't getting nowhere, chum. Start small. Take baby steps. It's clearly not as fun (definitely negates the bragging on Facebook part of it) but it'll stick. You’ll create a consistency that not even Grandma's cake batter can achieve.

1. Talking mottos — For context, a motto that I always mutter (my mom thinks I'm cursing, oh what a bad child) every time I spill milk while making coffee is “Do more. Give more. BE more.” Not only does it help me stay right on track for the rest of the day but it helps me clean up my mess, figuratively and otherwise, or I’d just be sitting in a puddle of spilt milk, cursing adulting for real this time and with more laundry to do.

2. Why you need the Big Why — Owning up, I’m guilty of attempting to learn Welsh for less than 48 hours because I hadn't a single reason to speak the language. A similar thing happened with half of my 2018 resolutions, which had a bunch of rubbish like “Floss daily”, something my eyes got trained to skip because, um, who the hell flosses every day?

Lame humor aside, I still workout almost daily because I have my Why straight. 1) I want to feel good about my body and get closer to the confident badass I envision my future self to be, 2) I simply HAVE to sustain my health to live to build my legacy and fulfill my dreams of opening a bakery at 90 and 3) Because I’m an influencer, and want to walk my talk and be the inspiration people need. Those are the reasons as to why I turn up to my yoga mat everyday, shut my jabbering mind, and keep on pulsing. This “Why” strategy applies to everything. Wanna get outta depression? Why? Wanna lose 20 pounds? Why? Wanna listen to your dentist’s desperate pleadings and floss already? WHY EH? Unless you know your intentions, you’ll give up at the first chance you get to not act on your goals. And watch out, because there'll be a LOT of those.

For me, leaving a legacy behind means more than having a slice of cake or missing a workout because there’s a fun movie playing. Find what's important to YOU, make it your why, and go marry your goals.

3. And then, Repeat — Bear in mind, if you're not living your best life yet, there are NO weekends. NO work-shy days. No weak days, no pick-me-up days, no eat-candy-do-nothing days. Everyday is a damn Monday. EVERYDAY is life or death. Every holy day you wake up is a chance to push your limits, challenge your mindset, and see how far you can go. And every 24 hours, when the cycle starts again, it’s your mission to race to build a stronger, wiser and crazier you.

And who knows, perhaps one day, you and I will just be casually sipping tea in our dream home, laughing at how the milk is still being spilt but knowing, proudly, fiercely, that we’ve come so far, even though there’s still more left to do, more to give and so much more to be.

Takeaway:

Quit quitting. You're, guaranteed, 20x stronger than you think. I doubted I could go through with the workout, it seemed beyond my present physical capabilities. But I did, because I treated it as life or death. Understand this, the second you start making excuses, for being depressed, for taking an unnecessary day off - you give away your power. You are a very powerful being. You're limitless, capable of everything.

I'm not throwing these words around to make you feel cute, I actually mean AND believe them. There’s so much that's been done already— the iconic four minute mile by Roger Bannister, invention of the light bulb, cars, toothpaste and other junk, people who lost both legs and climbed Mt. Everest, we sent a man to moon in frickin’ 1969 (50 YEARS ago), some ran a 26 mile marathon with zero training, love and hope is still strong in this world, oh let's also add coffee and motivational music— and YOU think you can't finish a workout or get outta depression or meet your idols or marry the man of your dreams or become the artist you wanna be? Ridiculous. Don't give away your power that easily, this ain't no charity shop.

(play ♬) Having personally dealt with unwelcome yet familiar feelings of emptiness quite often, I’ve now reached a point where each bad day is simply a reminder of how long my journey ahead is, and just how badly I want to reach my destination.

We finally near the end of this novel of a post (thanks for sticking around, bud), and my best advice would be this: Rather than wallowing in self pity and throwing one-man parties because your life is so awfully dreadful, know that even when life throws you to the floor, long as you can look up, long as you can read an entire book about defeating depression (cough)– you can GET UP too. Let those emotions of sorrow and frustration blaze up into a roaring, crackling fire that doesn’t consume you, but instead, urges you, fuels you.

Lately, no matter how much shit I go through, how many arguments I tumble into, or how barren my dreams look sometimes, I don’t break down. And no, it wasn't always like this. I never even had aspirations to name two years ago. Six months back, it had become a night routine to cry. Not anymore.

Now, every setback and every failure only pushes me to be stronger and give more than I ever gave. The day I made the decision to Conquer (truly, madly, deeply, with all of my heart) was also the day I said a big, loud ‘fuck you’ to every resistance that was to cross my path. I had finally understood that life was nothing but a battle of WILLS, that it was all in or nothing, and I made up my mind once and for all to NEVER give in to depression, or to society, or to anyone who tells me I cannot make it.

I had conquered depression. There was no looking back now.

Takeaway:

Here’s something no one will tell you: the key to bringing depression to its knees is seeing it positively. Pretend that it's a friend continuously sending strong, aggressive signals urging you to be happy. And what do you do when a caring friend throws some holy light? You listen, push past your ego, and follow accordingly.

And if that parallel seems unconvincing, here's another one (sup, DJ Khaled. This post is turning musical, sorry): it's scared of you. Depression is scared shit of you. Y'know how bullies are, right? Majorly insecure, self-loathing too perhaps, hardly fans of self love, and always trying to numb all that subconscious pain by inflicting pain on others. Depression has the same instruction manual. Your fears and doubts are your (pathetic) bullies, and depression is the big ol’ crony who does the dirty work for 'em.

Whenever you decide shit this is it, I'm going for it, they go paranoid and try stopping you because they've seen no better. And if they succeed, BOOM, you're depressed, paralyzed, your qualms reigning over you again. Don't let them in. I'll say it a thousand times if I gotta because I want (HAVE) to see you conquer – you're so much stronger than you think you are. You can do so much more than you think. It's all in your head! Don't just sit there, click away, and go back to living a sad life. You’re better than that. DO better than that. You’re meant to freaking CONQUER, straight-up dominate, my pal. Pay heed to that voice craving freedom. You got this. And you better know it.

One thing’s fixed like the (beloved by all) proportionality constants in Physics, you will come across depressing mornings and sluggish evenings even in the future. I assure you. Lots o’ bad hair days in the calendar, sis. But here's what you’ll do: you'll deactivate the miserable thoughts, keep a cool head, remind yourself that this is yet another test (better, rap your new mantra) and USE that hurt, pain, and anger to create a fervor and passion that wreaks havoc on its obstacles and drives you to accomplish EVERYTHING you've ever wanted to do. The easy choice would be to just give up, bellyache about the situation, and want sympathy for your worries. Yet, what you'll never do is… exactly that.

Rule 1) NEVER give up. Stand your ground. Have faith in your strength. Know that you'll have your way soon enough anyway. Rule 2) NEVER complain. All it does is drain your energy, that precious fire you could to high jump your way into the clouds. Makes you a pathetic wimp too, definitely not something you want on a warrior’s resume. Lastly, Rule 3) NEVER seek validation. From anyone. It sure feels nice to be acknowledged and encouraged, but grasp this— this is your journey. YOUR life and YOUR vision. Validation won't get you anywhere, for there'll never be enough of it.

Cuz Marty, if you're tryna bring something new, different, and authentic into this world – you'll most likely be hated on badly, before you'll be loved madly (hi, me a rapper). Learn to invite hate instead—IMPORTANT: hate from others, not yourself. Sounds counterintuitive, but this is the real tea: hate is good. It means you're standing up for something, refusing to fit like a puzzle piece in society, and being UNAPOLOGETICALLY yourself. And it’s certainly a sign that you’re on the right path if you can ignore that hate and stick your tongue out at it.

Yet another reason to never seek validation is simply this: you have to fight for yourself. In order to meet your own expectations, reach the doorstep of the best version of you, and transform this world, you'll have to go wildly IN. Toil and hammer away. Shut out all the haters and non-believers, listening only to your gut. Importantly, learn to accept the rejection slips, validating yourself not with what Molly says about it being okay, but with the reminder that your time is coming soon. Depend on yourself. Validation will NEVER be enough.

I get it, it's a lot of homework, but perhaps you already realize that it’s THIS work that'll change your life forever. Not “how to not procrastinate, Jesus take the wheel” or “HELLO, life's a mess so here are ten things to do (you won't believe number four!)”. Clickbaits don't work, stop believing that a fancy planner is going to be your savior. There is no rule to making your life a masterpiece. You'll have to get to know yourself and your dreams (journaling, meditation, silent pondering), build the work ethics and the mentality needed (lots of work in this one, yet no strict framework to go about it) and GET GOING.

AND with that firework, I'll begin to slip away now. Again, I won’t say it’s easy, that’s cock and bull. Life’s no fairytale. You will never feel ready to start bringing your dreams to fruition. But, my darling (I’m being so nice yo, follow me), you must. You must force yourself to work for the future you want till it becomes a habit, an obsession. The world badly needs heroes; confident people who can stand for themselves so that others can stare at first, maybe even hate a little, but then follow because they seem unstoppable and are, truthfully, having the most fun at life. YOU'RE one of them. No validation, just plain facts.

You see, conquering is a LOT of blood and sweat (K-pop, anyone? BTS? Lmao, this is me tryna clickbait y'all to read). Even getting up will seem huge when you're just starting out, and this is one long road, dear pal. Still then, I have enough faith in you to hope you don't give into your fears, I hope you willingly chase discomfort, and I hope you find the courage to do all that you want to do, while that heart's still beating.

I hope you conquer. I'll do too, and I'd really like to see some familiar faces during the ride.

Peace, amigo.

A loud ass A/N: And now, we come the most important part of this post. WAKE UP Luke, stop snoring, and take some notes. Remember kids, I won't accept anything but an A.

If you couldn’t identify yourself throughout this post and currently are scoffing like um woman, that's not really why I'm depressed, hang in there a sec. Yes, you can stop singing It Ain’t Me now. You've a very nice voice by the way.

I'm not a doctor, and I don't have enough exposure to know why so many earthlings are depressed today. HOWEVER, by talking to many, following their stories, watching and reading stuff – I do know with firm conviction that a majority suffers from severe unfulfillment. Don't believe me? A study shows 85% of the working class worldwide hate their jobs. Do you realize what that actually means? EIGHTY-FIVE PERCENT of the THREE BILLION PEOPLE employed today, hate being employed in the first place! They do it for prime survival, to sustain themselves. And that's just jobs. I won't scare you, but 50% (yes, HALF, you heard that right) of students HATE going to school. Kids waste SEVEN hours of their life every day going somewhere they dislike, doing something they hate. Who's singing now?

People find themselves trapped in golden handcuffs, taking the paycheck despite the passionless job. They push aside the art and business they love, to become a slave of good ol’ cash. Several surround themselves with negativity and get frustrated when unable to escape the choking (no, not THAT kind again, hello someone pour holy water over this post) atmosphere. An innumerable are forced into taking up courses that they don't care about under parental pressure. The reasons are endless, and I don't think I'll amuse myself listing all the sad excuses.

This has always been the story. Hundreds of influencers have preached the same words I’m tryna put into your head here and you’ll yourself say you’ve heard this a million times. YET, you’re dissatisfied. YET, you feel like crap everyday, feeding yourself the same lie that the next day will be better, that you’ll get up tomorrow– while you let life beat the shit out of you.

That’s why, all of my words, everything you’ve read today - all of that boils down to just one single question. A difficult but necessary choice. Will you let this happen to YOU? Will you, seriously, even after this wild ride together, go back to doing nothing and being nothing? Will you, for real, continue deceiving yourself, sacrifice your happiness for the sake of pleasing everyone else, and remain a statistic on a website?

(play ♬) If you’re not sure of your answer, read: Look, making you feel guilty is not my intention, because that’s not how this works. I need you to understand instead. Guilt wears off, it’s only understanding that brings about change. So, just for old times’ sake, I’ll rant a bit more (ik, just can’t seem to leave y’all).

You’re so, so young right now. More than half of your life is yet to be experienced. None of this probably makes much impact right now but it will the day you die. Remember, on your deathbed, you won't EVER look back and say, “Damn, wish I'd spent more time at the office. Saved up just one more dollar. Could’ve got that promotion before Amy.” Nay, it won’t even be on the calendar. That day, one foot in the grave, you'll reflect and wonder why the heck you didn’t let yourself be happier. Why you took up that lacklustre, soul-sucking architect job when all you've ever wanted to do is keep laughing. Why you didn't ask your crush out, why you were so afraid to walk up to that audition, because dammit, you could’ve been running your own comedy show by now. Why you dragged around a karaoke machine all this time instead of singing your own song. Why you couldn’t love yourself. Why you submitted. Why.

And the moment you realize that you hadn't lived a life for you, you’ll be crushed. Broken. The arthritis in your grannie joints won't even compare and neither will the mild dissatisfaction you’re feeling right now. Those whys will haunt you, they'll terrorize you, break you. It'll hurt tremendously to know that there isn't a single thing in your long life that you could call completely your own.

With every death today so many dreams are left unachieved, crazy things left unchecked on the bucket list, and unique potential left unexpressed.

DON'T let that be you. Please. I'm still a mess myself, struggling to reach class on time and studying subjects that aren't exactly fun, when all I want to do is create content (read: fireworks) that is at a level of insanity, influence folks to do better, hold crazy world tours and meet-and-greets to give hugs, and get an adorable puppy so I can create a dogstagram (yes, I'm that mom). Sure, I could declare it's too hard, hang onto small-minded and negative people who whine endlessly, and follow the crowd, getting lost in it, with ease.

But I won’t because I can’t take the burden of those regrets. That painful unrest and discontent that nothing could cure, not drugs, alcohol, buddies, not even true love. For then I’d be just another drone, my controller in the hands of society, forcing me to see the world through its eyes. I can’t give in because I’m scared, terrified even, of wasting away this one life doing the bidding of others- folks who won't even notice when I’m gone.

It’s easy to be depressed and crib your entire life. It’s easy to think you’re worthless and that trying is pointless since nothing ever goes your way.

But perhaps, if you rise, if you simply DECIDE to have the audacity to fight for what you believe in, if you work and focus on becoming better, things will go your way. Life will bend to you, in awe, at your incredible relentlessness. Life will take one look at you, wonder who the fuck is this person? How the fuck are they so incapable of giving up? And back right away. And then perhaps, life will be such a blast for you that depression would become the past you never had.

I know you can get there, conqueror. It’s time you knew it too.

🌚🌝 Further reading? 🌝🌚

Last Post :— How To Get Back Into The Creative Process – For you, if you're in a creative rut. Get outta it and go create magic!

5 Reasons Why You're Unhappy — To help you identify & cut out CURRENT sources of sadness so that you can spice up yo’ life with some happiness instead. Definitely recommend reading AND implementing.

The Bubble Trap & How To Get Out Of It — One of my classics. Everyone is in one of these 'bubbles’ till they consciously do something about it; that's just how it is. Are you still in one? (Someone teach me marketing, lmao.)

The 5 Biggest Regrets of The Dying (from Greatist) — I LOVED reading this. Pretty much all you need to cut the crap and do meaningful stuff. Read it, memorize it, work it.

++ Want to request a blog post? Leave your request in my ask box! I'll get back to you with a reply, along with the average time I'll need to birth that magical idea.

Thanks for dropping by! It was a pleasure to have you around. If you wish to stick for a bit, I'd suggest picking one of the related posts mentioned above.

If you wanna check out my blog, here's a little something about me (y'all know I love the attention). What do I write about? Three arenas I dominate, Work, Lifestyle and Life, they are, my mate! Take your pick!

I post new blog posts bi-weekly, and my wins, & journal entries throughout the week, so follow me if you're into conquering life, leaving a legacy and being the baddest badass you can possibly be. I'll be your side pal, cheering you along.✨

And that was it, it's a wrap! Martha, shut the cams, Henry, pause the audio, and Nandita, I know you're pretending to be deaf, but Mom's yelling something about doing the dishes. Better skip along.

And you, fellow conqueror? Keep slaying life, doing the work and making it count. I hope you're well, stay strong and go conquer life. ✧

I'm sending you so much love, see you soon.

— Nandini 💌 (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

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gromvillage · 4 years

Note

all odd numbers. do it coward

jesus fucking christ i love you

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

probably one of my friends when we went to the mall the day before homecoming?? it was a while ago

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

i can’t wait to see my cousin again but i also have this one really cool uncle that i’d like to see again. actually i’d like to see a lot of my family cause they live far away but i don’t know when i’ll see them next

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

i never want to be drunk but i think they definitely would

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

i’d like to say yes because i’m a thirsty bitch but the answer is prolly no

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

negative ghostrider, my friends are tired of hearing me talk about me being thirsty

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

me yelling at my friends about how i want to be on bear grylls’ show, cause i think him and i would have a great time hanging out

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

oh hell yeah, my friends got acrylics a couple months ago and i was literally begging them to play with my hair and scratch my head

15. What good thing happened this summer?

lots of good things happened this summer! i went to scout camp, went to washington/canada with some friends, and went to europe for the first time!!

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

i’d like to think so! but also,,,,i think it’s probably not like little green dudes sadly, prolly just like microscopic shit that happens to be alive

19. Do you like bubble baths?

i haven’t taken a bath since i was really young, the idea of sitting in your own water is gross

21. What are you bad habits?

oh lots...picking the skin around my nails, i can be really lazy, not tidying up my room as often as i should which then makes me feel weird, the list can go on and on

23. Do you have trust issues?

oh you bet baby, i don’t really have reason to cause no one has done anything absolutely horrible to me (yet) but i am constantly questioning the intents of the people i’m close to

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

my face but also the fact i have no thighs and my arms are super scrawny

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

darker, i have such a hard time tanning and i’m high key pale

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

h a h a have to have been in a relationship to have has an ex

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yeah one tiny one on the top of my head

33. Spell your name with your chin.

paigved

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

ohhh tough...probably tv though cause i stay listening to music all the time

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

hi welcome to chili’s

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

rei or any outdoor store really, small independent stationary shops, target kinda slaps, really any little shop that’s along the main street of a smaller town

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

negative ghostrider

43. Do you smile at strangers?

not really, i’m super self conscious about my teeth and also think i look kinda creepy when i do it

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

the fact i have to go to school sadly but my goal is to one day get out of bed and be excited to do a job i love

47. Have you ever been high?

negative ghostrider, that kinda shit freaks me out

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

yeah there’s a couple things

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

all the time, i stay wishing i was an olympic skier or pro mountain athlete or literally anyone more interesting than me

53. Favourite makeup brand?

i don’t wear makeup!

55. Favourite blog?

@friendlydinosaur of course but also big fan of @perpetualpatchwork and a bunch of bon appetit blogs

57. Favourite food?

bread/pasta/sweets

59. First thing you ate this morning?

really lame breakfast sandwich thing on a piece of toast with cream cheese and lunch meat cause i’m lazy

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

no but i kinda wish, i have too much of a fear of authority/my parents

63. Ever been in love?

not yet

65. Are you hungry right now?

not super hungry but i could go for some ice cream

67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter, i’m not a 40 year old lady jesus christ

69. Are you watching tv right now?

nope

71. Craving something? What?

someone to hold me but also really wanna go skiing or on an adventure in general

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

that’s gonna be a no

75. Favourite animal?

ohhh i stay being a closet horse girl but also think elk are pretty cool! also just generally love dogs

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate (but vanilla if it’s the really good shit)

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

maroon! i stay wearing this color all the time

81. Favourite tv show?

i still haven’t finished turn but i do like it a lot! also i just think i finished watching something on netflix but i can’t remember what?? but i feel like i liked it?? thinking is hard

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

never seen either sadly

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

see above

87. First person you talked to today?

my mom

89. Name a person you hate?

there are a couple but i’m not bouta drag em on tumblr

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

oh i could come up with a few people....

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

sadly only two pairs but i want more

95. Last movie you watched?

part of ratatouille with this girl that’s kinda like a little cousin to me

97. Favourite actor?

i don’t really have a favorite but i’m big on timothee chalamet at the moment

99. Have any pets?

a sickly beta fish i inherited from my brother when he moved

101. Do you type fast?

i’d like to think so

103. Can you spell well?

oh hell no

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

a couple, though none recently sadly

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

a few times!! again, closet horse girl

109. Is something irritating you right now?

the fact i’ve left some major work till the last minute, this one really painful pimple on my face, the way i stay wasting my time

111. Do you have trust issues?

this is a repeat from 23?? but the answer is still yes

113. What was your childhood nickname?

paigey, but a lot of people still use it! also foo foo the snoo was something my mom called me as kind of an inside joke rhyme thing

115. Do you play the Wii?

not anymore, though i was big on wii sports resort and the wipeout game when i was younger. oh also the lego harry potter, cause i liked to collect all the coins while my brother did the Actual Gaming for the levels

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

not really, the noodles are always super mushy and i just don’t really like the flavor

119. Favourite book?

i sadly haven’t been reading a ton lately and have forgotten literally every book i’ve ever read but i really enjoyed on jon krakauer’s eiger dreams that i read this summer

121. Are you mean?

sometimes, yeah

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

i kept a pair of white slip on vans pretty clean for a while! the trick is to use scotch guard

125. Do you believe in true love?

i haven’t thought about it a lot but i guess?

127. What makes you happy?

oh lots of things! nice weather, spending time outdoors, good food, time with good friends, ice cream, exploring, creating things

129. What your zodiac sign?

sagittarius (almost my birthday!!)

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

now that i think about it i don’t think i have a best guy friend?? but if i did i guess if i didn’t like them i’d try and be nice about it cause i’ve had a crush on close friends and know it sucks when they don’t feel the same way

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

“but if i get my shit together this year maybe i’ll be a ten” -10/10 by rex orange county

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

oh i’m sure i told some dumb lies when i was a kid but i can’t remember any right now

137. How tall are you?

barely 5′1″

139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunette

141. Night or Day?

depends on the mood

143. Are you a vegetarian?

i really should be for the earth but meat bruh

145. Tea or Coffee?

i don’t drink either!

147. Mars or Snickers?

snickers

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

not really but the other night i woke up to my waterbottle falling off my nightstand and that was some freaky shit

love you dude, i really needed this tonight

#grom village replies #if you have questions about even numbers #hit me up boys

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queencryo · 5 years

Text

@silly-go-round is asleep right now.

i guess i should make a journal for the past few days. as good a time as any. as AMY. heh. cuz shes super good and amazing. heh.

uh...... lessee.... for the two days after the last journal i just. hung out at the house while silly worked. i managed to not keep her in bed and make her late the second day. hung out a lot, watched more adventure time, worked on my tumblr filter script (lie. i judt ran it on my main. 200 posts / day is a bitchhhh) , played a good amount of ds3 (to pointof tetris effect at a couple points the nexg few days)

also did some like. helpful tasks. washed some dishes (undone quicklu, but. eh). not enough, mot as much as i shouldve, but... i tried i guess.

alao we've like. said the same thing at the dame time a Lot while ive been here and its like. nice. its really nice. same wavelength! i feel so close go her.

oh! alxo night before last we went grocery shoping. got food for prolly enoygh for the two weeks, but i guess we'll see. also a cheesecake! it was.... echausting. hily fuck it was exhaysting. jesus. the store was big and it took like 3 hours and $200 to get everything but. we did itttt.

we both mentionef that like. it felt nice to like. have a full fridge 2gether. cuz. it feels like were gonna have a futjre togetjer? u know. like that is. i love her a lot and it feels good for this to feel like a home for a little while. we hope that it can be so in tbe future.

so YESTERDAY she finally FINALLY taught me how to play magic the gathering. it was. a long time coming. but she brought me into the store and like. sat me down w some regulars and had me play commander. i played moooostly her snake deck, so like.that was fun!! i kept talki g about how i woulda gotten lorescale Coatl up to 39/39 and flying, had i like. gotten q more turn. but on that game D was running a mill deck that was. extremely long to play (that game took like ~>2 hours ugh), and was very bery annoying, so i didnt get to actually do that.

but it was fun! part of me wants to blog everything, but i dont think i will.

im glad to be able to use silly's decks, bc i dont think i want to make my own. im considering making a cheap angel deck or smth, but we'll see if yhat actually ends up happening.

i also met her girlfriend Iz, who is sweet. i played magic w her fkr a while, which was fun! she was runni g an annoying mono black deck (i kkow all these... these Terms and Words now, its incredible...)

shes sweet and i think i like her. dunno if enough to date yet (which makes me Partially regret flirting w her so much in the groupchat but. hey)

talked w her some, mostly about magic, hung out while silly closed the store, pet her cat, silly discovered that cyddling w TWO girlfriends is very nice (not rhat id know ;;;;;;;), was good times. i dont think im as comfy w izzy physically yet as i may have implied in messages, which hopefully wull be rectified by the message i just sent her (my initial physical comfort with people varies, it depends very much on the person)

skip forward, me and silly make a pizza at home cuz were fuckin tired, she admonishes me for not eating for uh... like 11 hours or smth (that mornings bagel was VERY good tho omg), but adderall, so like... meh.

uh... i dont think anything else on yesterday...

today! we waaamted to go to the store at like. 2. but in actuality got there at like! 330.

i went back to sleep cuz im a losenerd, and she. made this breakfast casserole thing. which hse put into a bagel abd brought to me bc i guess shes the best person on the entire earth oh my GOD. jesus

skip... apparently she knows maximum the hormone and doesnt like them very much... fair fair. (cause for xeath)

came to the store agai. tofay. it was fun and good. iz didnt come in today, do played some more with regulars. played w what is apparently called a blink deck, which revolvea arounf exiling cards then immediately bringing them back, to capitalize on "when this enters battlefield, do smth" cards. neat!

i DID actually manage to win today!!! the victory was. literally handed to me, but like. thats fine! i was playing silly's uhhh... elintor the masked? idr her name :( the mask planewalker! deck, which. i had SO much land, most of wh8ch was enchanfed. meaning it could be tapped then untapped w eljntor's thing, then tapped again for DOUBLE MANA. i mean. i had like 9/turn even b4 that but. BUT. i also had. i think i drew 3 creatures total. bit anyway. i had the white card that gave me a life whenever a creature was put on tge board (and also, w another enchantment, made all non-me creagurss and enchantments enter the board tapped, so. nya). so... rob had a card what dealt one damGe to all other players whenevr he puta. creature on the board. then he played united forces, which lets each player commit X mana to create X 1/1 soldier tokens on all players' boards. so. we made 28 white soldier tokens on everyones board. this killed perry, ans gave me, uh. 56 life (84 - 28). i then attacked ron for 28 w the soldiers, and drew sacred mesa, which lets me sacrifice 2 mana (1 any color, 1 white, but i had so many cards that said "this land can instead be tapped for 2 of any color, so like. ueah) to create a 1/1 flying pegasus token. so i. ended the game w 44 white 1/1 tokens. goblins get fucked.attack w my ssoldiers cuz his were tapped, so brought him down to 7 life. i didng catch what he did w the enchantment, but i think he said he like. put a copy of every creature on my side of the board onto his board, and then. cipying that enchantment 3 times. so. holy FUCK. wow. BUT those all came in tapped and i had 18 flying yokens, so. i still won! yay!!!! i won a game of magic!!!!!

goblin decks scare me. stop running krenko you fucks. exponential goblins goddamn

silly would come by every so often and like. look over my dhoulder and say "oh that was dumb whyd u use fabricate for thay" which is fair. but also god i love her. (i used fabricate for a mana generator insteaf of lightning greaves. whateverrrr) i love her so much dear god. i wish i coukd help w the store more, but. on the same time i also. dont enjoy working. so. maybe part time.

hm. what ekse. oh yeah i kove her so much.

by the end of the night it was just. me and her, rob and the two regulars i started out llaying w yestwrday. theyre sweet, i like them. theyre married. the dude calls me honey smtimes, which is. kinda weird? dunno how i feel about that. i guess fine. its gender-nice, but still a lil uncomfy. otherwise i like em fien, though. but they talked abouy moving into sillys apt. so thats cool!! better than her current (awful, terrible, lazy / horrifically depressed / manchild roomate, who doesnt clean ever) roomate. i was reading the monster of the week gamebook thruout, which i... bought, for some reason. idk. oh also i wanna make a fallen angel divine, because im... predictableeee. also a conspiracy thworist whos just a trans woman w way too much time and really weird hobbies (throwing knices, butterfly knife, net friends, etc). also a spooky. i speny like. 3 hours reading thr7 the monster of the week book while ppl played magic around me. i kinda wish i hadnt bought it, but hey! its neat c:

oh, also i didnt take adderall today. i dont think it went toooo bad, i think i like. was meaner and less thohghtful with what i said, but like. i guess thats better than feared. i took a caffeine pill (200mg) at ariund 10 which is. prolly why im wide awake right now. i regret doing that, sincr from what shes said tmos gonna be big)

she says we gotta be at her moms by 4, for reasons she WONT TELL ME. bit she says its part of one of her plans, i ASSUME the romantic one? im kind of afraid that ill like. no-sell it unwillingly because im abroke and soulless human being, but uh. i guess rhats thw risks we take to be alive :shrug: im excited. were also going to a shop (diff one) tmo, which im Quite excited for, as ive only been in similar shops by accident before. also doing laundry!!! which is important ^_^

oh ysah. so we got white castle on the way home. its. yeah she was r8ght. mediocre-at-best sliders. onions are bad.

we also made a pizza. whifh i ate most of. i overate. sob.

she fell asleep halfway thry an episode of nailed it. cant blame her, she seemed really tired. i hipe i dont disturb her rwst. and i feel so utterly blessed thay i can be around her.

ih!! i also fell down the last few staies ywstersay. bruised my arms, but otherwise fine. it was. idk, it is nice to knoe that others worry fir me and like me. she was very concerned. i love her.

#blog #ohio trip 2 #journal

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messedupessy · 5 years

Note

Arms, brain, bum, chest, chin, clavicle, heart, hips, shoulders and teeth please :D ?

Bless you Kirango always coming here with the big guns aye (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) gonna skip shoulders tho as someone else sent it in ye

Arms: How do you feel about children, do you want some of your own (or more if you already have some)?

Kids are all right, like they are humans they are just really small and are still growing and if I have to interact with them I will be as nice and kind as I possibly can, at times they can be quiet funny and nice to be around with while other times they are just frustrating me af especially while riding the bus and they just fucking scream and jump seats all the frikking time.

But personally I would not want any kids at all I do not want to get preggers and shoot out a god damn watermelon from my vag xD neither would I want to take care of one as firstly I can barely take care of myself properly most of the time how would I be able to take care of another human person? Like its just way too much responsibility overall like its another human person like me just younger and smaller who do not yet know the stuff that I do etc, I also wouldn’t be able to give them what they need, so yeah no kids for me! I have been thinking that maybe one day I could like adopt like an older kid who needs a home but not sure if I could handle it at least not how I am right now, maybe when I am like 40 or something perhaps, but no babies just no I cannot handle babies at all they make me super uncomfortable pft

Brain: What is something you want to master before you die?

Proper living skills maybe? Like how to be able to live by myself, how to cook, clean, how to do taxes and bills and all that stuff, because I am super shitty on all of it like crazy, like prolly not master them as well nothing can be fully perfect but good enough so that I can do them and don’t have to worry about it ya know? Maybe not the answer that ppl would expect like I could had said art or like writing but there is no way to perfect it, as I can always get better there is no end to it like you always frikking improve and get better no matter what you do as long as you keep on trying and even when you think its perfect its not and that is completely fine as perfection is something that can’t really be achieved, and damn did I get deep there pfft

Bum: List 3 of your guilty pleasures

Mhhh… I don’t really have any that I can properly think off? As a guilty pleasure is something you take great pleasure in doing but which you feel guilty about, but I don’t feel like any guilt in most of the things I take pleasure in doing because why the fuck should I? It makes me happy its what I want to do etc xD

Though I guess one that did pop up in my mind is to eat up snacks etc that my family have hidden away from me so I wouldn’t eat it up, like it tastes so good but I know I shouldn’t but I still do it time to time, nowadays I have mostly my own snacks close at hand but it still happens, but the guilt does not exist for long tho pfft

Chest: What’s your worst kept secret?

I have no clue I don’t have many secrets, except the few that I do have which only a few very close friends etc knows about but its still very well kept secrets tho so they are still well kept secrets, and none which I plan to share with the world xD

But I guess maybe my kinks? though they have never really been kept secret tho pfftrgnjekr

Chin: How well do you take criticism?

Eh, it varies. It mostly depends on how the criticism is worded and if I actually wanted it in the first place, like someone over at my naughty blog once sent me an anon saying how the way I draw expressions weren’t that good that the way I drew them skeleton’s mouths and such didn’t work, which I already knew about as its something I was and is still working on as getting mouths and expressions right are very hard for me. So it made me a bit irritated but at the same time it was something I already knew so I didn’t really take it hard at all, I already knew but I did not like it that the person felt the need to point it out even though they prolly just wanted to help me out, but I really didn’t need it or wanted it xD when I go and ask for it tho I am a bit more welcoming to it but most of the time I already know what it is as I am very critical with my own stuff like I know every last mistake I do on it which I most of the time end up going “oh well better luck next time” and move on ye

Heart: How do you deal with heartbreak?

Damn it tumblr decided to fuck up when I had written allot of stuff here but I guess it was for the better as I might have added way too many details.

But to answer it varies, I have been through 3 heartbreaks that I count as such as I go with that this question means romantic heartbreaks, the first one it stung and hurt for a couple of days or maybe weeks but was easy to get over, the second I did not handle it well at all ended up building up this dumb anger towards the person for months and so much crying and it was just a mess which I am pretty damn ashamed about as I should had handled it better, and the third one I ended up crying for a whole day and then the next I was just it was fine it was ok and then nothing more like, so yeah it varies man.

Hips: Is there anything you over indulge yourself with?

Snacking, eating chips, candy etc, I eat way too much of it and I need to stop but I got such cravings man pfft xD

Teeth: What is your favourite meal?

It got to be my mom’s or is it my big sisters as they usually end up cooking together but their stew consisting of meat, carrots and mushrooms with a thick sauce with rice, its my absolute fave :D

Ask thingie here

#MessedUpEssy #Essy Answers #ask thingie thing #damn got really carried away here but ye boi that's what I do man #yes

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blindedhope · 6 years

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Okay campers heres a list of stuff that im gonna be doing for a long while to organize my thoughts and kick myself into actually doing them

CLEAN OUT MY INBOX theres so much going on in there im crying. This doesnt mean im gonna be deleting everything, however theres probably one or two that are gonna get lost in the void. No hard feelings, but its hard to reply to smth i have no ideas or motivation for. If its any reassurance im msot likely deleting things that are months old. I might close my inbox at one point to get this done

Drafts. Look for any wandering threads i missed and slap them into thread tracker and then take care of anything i owe replies to. I also have too much in drafts and need to take care of those im crying

Redo my meta list bc i have new ideas i wanna write about

Maybe redo metas and hcs i already wrote? Like put more detail or make small changes bc wow sais grown

Talk?? With yall more?? Basically me wanting to send u guys more ask memes and such. If you have me on disco and i havent replied im so fucking sorry im terrible at talking

Related to this i wanna plot new relationships bc sai needs friends

Verses (pkmn, p.ersona, f.ood fantasy bc i hate myself)

I need to finish redoing icons aaaAAAAAA

Make a new blog? Like, an actual one and spend time on it oof. I have some muses I wanna write but I wanna pick one and actually call it a secondary muse

I’m a fucking senior I should be doing hw rn

Skits skits. Yes papa? Saying youll do stuff and prolly forget them later? No papa. Telling lies?

Fuck

I think thats it

#ooc 🔍 I'm not okay ✎

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sobermaria · 3 years

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Random blog 16/05/21

One thing that I notice when I upload a blog here is I only write about things that I am sad about most of the time. Like I think it is innate in my nature to write about things that I am upset about and I feel that I write good stuff when I am suffering from dread or when I castrate myself self with overwhelming feelings of sadness. Is that a thing? am I normal?? But that topic aside, that thought has been lingering in my head for days so I thought about writing it here because now I wanna write something, well I wanna write things that I feel good about. I know shocker right? hahaha but I actually feel pretty comfy and light while typing this in my laptop. I just had a fat afternoon nap and I feel that it helped a lot in enhancing my mood today. I passed some of my academic backlogs and I accomplished pretty much this week although I still have a ton of them since my semester is about to end but overall I think I can actually survive this semester yayyyy! lol all blabber aside I really wish everything will be smooth sailing until the end of the semester. I still can’t believe I am actually finishing my sophomore year through online class but still I am thankful I had the privilege to continue to study online despite of the pandemic. A lot of thoughts runs to my mind right now and I actually do not know where to start. These past few weeks I always felt that I am stuck with my phone and social media all of the time mindlessly scrolling which I think is very unproductive. I am actually thinking about uninstalling my social media apps but I still don’t have the courage to do so, maybe in the future because it entertains me a lot when I am bored and I don’t wanna do my backlogs lol. I also started to listen to podcasts again which I think is a very healthy habit and is very therapeutic. I should definitely listen to podcasts more often. I cleaned my laptop, I wrote an entry on my journal this week which is again very uplifting. I actually felt really great and accomplished a lot this week and I never even noticed it. Wow. Typing all that down actually made me feel better and I actually felt good about myself this week. I know more weeks will pass until the semester ends but I hope this level of feel good and happiness gets stuck to me for longer. I think I ran out of thoughts to write at this point and I should prolly end this blog so yeah, I feel great today and I wrote about it and I think I should actually write when I feel good more often. It makes me smile. Tomorrow will be draining but I look forward for it. :)

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froggy-s-thought-s · 3 years

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#1 - 4/5/2021

Sup so I wanted to make a side blog so that i can talk about my day and what not because i dont want to talk about it on my main blog but i love to talk with people so I’ll be posting little updates like this one here and some other stuff like note taking or talking about whatever I want to talk about.

Today’s been okay; i woke up at 7:30am which was an hour before when my alarm is meant to go off and it’s like that because i have school tomorrow and i wake up at 5:30 so i have time to mentally prepare and such. It turns out my alarm was actually set for PM so i fixed it for tomorrow and I went back to sleep because i was still tired and I had a headache (which i could have fixed with a cup of water but i, again, was exhausted).

i got woken up around 9:40 i think? (i dont really remember) by my dad because i had an orthodontist appointment at.. a... time??? I (it was at like 10:30 i think) and then i got ready, went to the ortho’s offic got my wires off because i have braces and i needed to get a cleaning, i went home for a little while to which i put my bands in for like half and hour to an hour long because my teef hurt.

at around 11:30 i left for the dentist because i needed to get my teeth cleaned.. yknow.. the whole point of this excursion- and my teeth got picked at for what felt like an hour but was probably closer to only half an hour; and then the dentist who was working on me told me i need to brush my teeth more which made me kinda mad because i DO brush my teeth enough- i do it after everytime i eat but like oh well i didnt brush before i went because i didnt eat (still havent because im meant to wait an hour before eating or drinking and i got back at 1:11 and its probably safe to eat but ehhh.. and she also told me to floss which is acceptable because i never floss unless i feel like i have to which should be everyday but its usually just like every month or so which is bad ik but like.. eh

so anyway- im home now and i want to waste away my last day of spring break maybe i’ll watch the Han Solo movie and start the Rebels series because my brother got me into Star Wars and i really like it or maybe i’ll rewatch some of the Clone wars series? or maybe i’ll go the classic route and rewatch something MCU? because i was in the MCU fandom before the Star Wars one and i Hype fixated on Star Wars for a while but now im just kinda in two fandoms which has never happened to me before and im not sure if i like it.

i really like The Falcon and Winter Soldier series so far; i enjoy the framing, the characters and i love how its not all just nods to past works and filled to the brim with easter eggs (haha easter eggs) like how the movies are and dont get me wrong i love that kind of fast pase action but sometimes you just gotta stroll down a dirt road surrounded by flowers as your new rival rolls past you in a jeep(?).

Im probably going to post art or something here if i ever feel like i want to post art here; maybe this’ll be a little vent/updates thing and a little bit a fandom because i tie fandom into my everyday life because yeah!

I have another ortho appointment at 4:05 to get my wires back in and im prolly gonna be doing something else today so i’ll probably edit this later if i remember!! until then imma bounce

Edit 1 : i’ve just got back and i started crying, i had lunch at 2:20 pm and all i had was some bread, cheese-itz and diet dr pepper which isnt too bad considering how ive accidently missed lunch several times before but i also got back from the Ortho and now i straight up dont want to talk which isnt much of a vibe but here we are.

i wanna sit on a voice chat with one of my friends and sit in silence but the person i wanna do that with isnt here rn and she hasnt for the whole week cause its spring break and its making me stressy and i dont like it, i think im going to watch something i’ve watched before to comfort myself; maybe the Prequal movies again? thats only about 6-7 hours right?? as long as i dont get distracted it will only be about 12 ish once i finish when i account for being distracted and dinner...

that actually sounds really nice, imma go rewatch the entire prequal serise!! i feel a bit better already and i havent even started :)

Edit 2 : I watched episode one and gave up on finishing episode two so i started watching the 2003 Clone Wars show which is pretty good so far! my friend got back and Im much calmer now.

#mine #Froggy clowning on themself #life update

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codenamesailordarillium · 6 years

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Rules: Answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better.

Tagged by @regalpotato lol I haven’t done one of these in ages m8, thanks

A - Age: 22, and constantly frustrated to be living in an alcohol-free home despite having reached the legal drinking age over a year ago

B - Birthplace: Dhaka, Bangladesh (specifically the Red Crescent Hospital ~ Red Crescent is the Muslim country equivalent of Red Cross, so for all intents and purposes I was in fact born in a Red Cross hospital)

C - Current time: 7:24 AM, which it’ll definitely be well past once I’m done filling this out

D - Drink you last had: honey tea that my mom made me because I’ve been coughing up a storm since like 5:00 AM

E - Easiest person to talk to: my best friend who is also more or less my wife, my mind just seems to instantly clear and I’m able to communicate all my thoughts thoroughly to my complete satisfaction with her <3

F - Favorite song: who has just one favorite song anymore lol, but in general probably something Lady Gaga

G - Grossest memory: idk I kinda tend to repress that stuff nowadays, and in general whenever faced with something gross my mind hyper-fixates on the goal of cleaning/washing up whatever’s grossing me out tbh

H - Horror yes or horror no: haha this is where I have to assert the disclaimer of ‘sorry for being a demon’ once again because lol I kinda love that shit, tho tbh I have a hard time finding horror movies that really interest me so I’m more into watching people’s horror game playthroughs on the YouTubez

I - In love?: don’t think I’ve ever been, but hope that I might get to be someday (closest I think I’ve come is aforementioned best friend/wifey)

J - Jealous of people?: yes, like the sad little cunt I am, but it’s because of my own shortcomings and I try never to begrudge people their personal achievements ‘cause that helps exactly no one

L - Love at first sight or should i walk by again?: maybe...I think sometimes it’s possible to sense that you *could* fall in love with someone upon meeting them, tho I don’t think you can literally be in love with someone by just looking at them

M - Middle name: Nahrin, tho it isn’t so much my middle name as it is my original surname which was then supplanted to middle name status when my parents stuck my dad’s surname onto all of our names when we immigrated from Bangladesh to the US so we’d look more like a family unit or smth...OH, ALSO according to my dad it means RIVER (or riverS plural but still!!) which means BITCH MY MIDDLE NAME IS RIVER like what kind of serendipity tho...

N - Number of siblings: one (some of you may know Empress Fuzzy, the sweet adorable baby sister bear of my heart)

O - One wish: that I will someday climb out of the abyss that is my perpetually shite mental health and actually have even the slightest sliver of control over my life (whoops, didn’t mean to get too real, but it’s the truth)

P - Person you called last: my mom, yesterday, when she was coming to pick me up from school

Q - Question you are always asked: "Has she graduated yet?” NO I HAVEN’T PLEASE STOP REMINDING ME *continues to sob, shout, and scream bloody murder into the void*

R - Reason to smile: I must agree with Katie about dogs, last night we went to my aunt and uncle’s house for dinner and I was predictably left cooing over their two little loud stinkers called Benjy and Beulah like the utter dog person I am

S - Song you sang last: idk most likely “Diamond Heart” off of Gaga’s album “Joanne” (even tho I prolly shouldn’t be trying to belt out those lyrics with my throat in the state it’s been but YOLO amirite?)

T - Time you woke up: 5:00 AM after only sleeping like 4-5 hours because my respiratory system decided to see if it could qualify on the Richter scale

U - Underwear colour: striped in two shades of aqua blue with a black waistband

V - Vacation destination: really just wherever as long as I have my wifey by my side *blows kiss*

W - Worst habit: biting the fuck outta my nails when I’m stressed and then getting scarily compulsive about how ugly they look and attempting to trim them with a proper nail clipper to look slightly less ugly only to be in constant stinging pain because I’ve breached the boundary of how far you can trim a nail before it starts to hurt (yeah I might’ve done it a few days ago and hate myself for it why d’you ask)

X - X-rays: haven’t actually had one in literal years now that I think about it...tho who knows, might need one soon to see if I’ve got some kind of infection now that’s the reason why I’VE BEEN SICK LIKE OVER SIX WEEKS OR SOME SHIT SOMEONE PLEASE END MY SUFFERING FUCKING FUCK ME T_T

Y - Your favorite food: generally anything made of the potato

Z - Zodiac sign: Pisces, and boy do I never forget how much of a fish cunt I am according to literally every goddamn horoscope/zodiac post I encounter on the internet *sigh*

Alrighty then, hope that wasn’t too depressing/ranty. I don’t think there’s anyone left that I can tag, but if you’re really dying to do this taggity-tag type business, literally feel free to tell me so and I will come back and retroactively tag you in this so that y’all don’t need to feel left out because I’m all about that inclusion life yo.

#in which i was tagged #about me

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knightlyaurora · 7 years

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Get to know me (Late Edition!)

Tagged by: @anxietytwist (SORRY I'M SEVERAL MONTHS LATE)

Rules: Don’t do things you KNOW you’re going to regret

Names/Nicknames: Korvo is my main go to nickname at this point, but online I also use Knightly or Aurora

Height: 5′12′’

Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff

Favorite colours: Blues, purples, and black

Go to SSB character: Been some time since I've last touched it but... Meta Knight and Samus

Fictional character you’d date: Far, far too many to choose from, but I'd go for Haruna from KanColle

Fav band/artist: Foreground Eclipse, Draw the Emotional, Aimer, Disturbed, Metallica, System of a Down, Ken Ashcorp, and more...!

Pet Peeves: Being interrupted, People who don't clean up their trash, and unorganized messes like not tagging certain posts...!

When did you make this blog: Had to have been atleast 3-4 years now...!

How many blogs do I follow: 470, though I should look through and get rid of those inactive blogs...

What do I post about: Don't really post too much, but typically it's stupid stuff, real world events and history, Anime and Manga related stuff, and of course relationships and fictional girls *shrug*

Aesthetic: Not sure what mine could possibly be, prolly could try to figure that out with friends later I suppose!

Tagged: Who ever feels like they wanna do it.

#tag meme #knightlys post

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mmjjbbaannkkss · 4 years

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2019 December 9-14 Half-week Notes, Vitamin-B

“Let reality be reality.” - Lao Tzu

Finally started B-complex after waking up too early, made me sleep again. I only took niacin during workouts and with fatty foods, but B-comp is for all food types. It’s a vitamin that vegans might be lacking, research implies in mornings B absorbs better, explaining why an empty stomach mid-workout started flushing niacin into circulation. Pre workout powders and drinks for years, like most ppl, but even then not in high levels, and B-comp has a safer level.

Niacin opens capillaries, causing itching as some even burst, causing heat and metabolism also, but even before my new health-focused life, there were intense moments, hiking or fighting, work or play, leaving mature muscle with more vascular density, vessel amount, and fewer capillary requirements. So wouldn’t itch/flush as much, and larger still, and BMI higher means no capillaries in the fat, so only flushing around the thin skin.

B vitamins assist energy for cellular or hormonal purposes. Consult a doctor, I’m no doctor. This is my personal diet, grains and greens, work and whey, meat and mattress, that’s my grind. I’m also assuming soy sauce phytoestrogens break down quicker than meat’s estrogen, allegedly block meat-estrogen in the process, and supplies in theory a ‘pre-digested’ protein/amino source. The lower sodium version is literally called “liquid aminos,” and with B my energy is good.

Don’t eat fiber b4 a workout, it needs water just to digest, and then sits waterlogged until it does, protein bars are high fiber. B might, metabolize sugar faster than you can use it in a session, turning fuel into adipose fat. Implying, meat might make donuts MORE dangerous -- and yet gamer fuel has B plus SUGAR, 30 grams of sugar is heavy like a donut.

Stomach digests junk food with natural enzymes, not vitamins/minerals, fats and meats burn slower overnight, waking less hungry, unhealthy fat in the blood has to be removed thru filter organs or used as energy, B-something helps with fat-to-energy and is naturally occurring in meats, match that-B to the meat with the highest level, and it calculates artificially leaner, and you might be energized by morning. Or, eat less and less-of unhealthy fats so your blood is purer.

Superhero blood, not bacon-wrapped donut blood. B is NEVER an alternative to real food, but in a zombie apocalypse, the soy sauce aisle will be empty and you can watch the landscape.

Do if you do. Don't if you don't.

Week 1 (mixed: heavy-slow, lite-slow) Gauge weight/ability, practice strong reps, try resting between each rep if too heavy.

2019 Dec 09 Monday

Truck engine won’t fire-up, if only spark plugs, cabling, is a minor issue aside from costs, keeping me from the gym today. The little truck, aka the pickup, battery dead, prolly bad rear brakes, maybe bad transmission. Will likely be w/o gym whole week.

Already carbed up for workout tho, so to balance, am going to eat eggs and one tortilla, with liquid aminos. Using the breakfast carbs as biotic thermo-catalyst-conducive energy to metabolize the protein (into aminos), and later take a B-supp to improve fat catabolic ‘uptake’ to clean the blood for tomorrow, whichever should happen. And tea/whey.

Not feeling inspired to do a calisthenic chest day in the bedroom, tomorrow will do taiji, defs walk probz to the bank, talk to the neighborhood mechanic about estimates, and start saving up some poor people money. It’s like regular money, it just hasn’t sprouted yet.

Likely, the home workout program will develop, replace the laziness, nbd; and should start posting my / ‘the poor people diet’ b/c a clean body and strong mind can do anything. If the inmates can have Instagram broadcasts on burner phones, I can add a menu.

Moving XVIII-1 to next week, might take a stroll. #Feels If both trucks are fucked, so am I, and mom’s lavish diet will consist of anything I can buy at neighborhood general store and drive-share. // Might anotate something on the walk. Anchor?

2019 Dec 10 Tuesday

Breakfast, salsa black beans and rice, lunch, ½ tea/whey, dinner, 6 eggs w liq aminos on wheat-ish tortilla, meal4 ½ tea/whey and niacin 500, meal 5?

Lazy day, rearranged room, have a desk at the window, conceptual free top space, put strange files into portfolio, shoes into tiny shoe armoir (bedstand?), and have all shelves emptied, then have a change-of-clothes bag, which should really be in the car. Truck blogs say sparkplug changes are circling $200, which is doable. Weird time to be between gigs holidays w/o backstory. Do the job, check with mgmt, do more, go home, do wtfe. Be early, leave when told. Have 2x20lb plastic sand jugs, maybe some shrugs/rows.

Not overly heavy weight, quality reps, flex, arms perpendicular to ground (elbows back), pre-fatigue (warm-ups for each exercise), underhand (supine) triceps pulldown prevents leaning when working on triceps, https://www.menshealth.com/fitness/a30170272/the-rock-biceps-triceps-workout/

5x5 program, do the exercises, add weight per week if you could do lift last week’s, every six weeks deload, https://www.boxrox.com/how-to-build-muscle-and-strength-the-5-x-5-program-gain/

8 core exercises for abs/obliques, L-sit, frong-crunch, bycycle crunch, running man situp (alt hand oppo leg), rev crunch pulse (lock legs, push heels up), russian twist (it was the borscht), plank, t-cross situp (lay out, v up, left hand right foot) https://www.boxrox.com/8-sit-up-abs-exercises-to-build-a-6-pack-and-strong-obliques-cf/

I want to do cable punches more.

2 dudes vs the FBI fitness test, 20 pullups @ pace, 30 pushups or more @ pace, 38 situps (1min), 300m sprint (41sec=Ace), 1.5 mile run (9min=Ace) https://www.menshealth.com/fitness/a30183134/fbi-fitness-test-bodybuilders-buff-dudes/

2019 Dec 11 Wednesday

Give yourself permission to not be a perfectionist, if it doesn't go well that's okay. Don’t be busy, be productive. Tow truck towed truck, without me, witf.

2019 Dec 12 Thursday

Truck will be ready today/tomorrow. Battery jumper arrived. Might gym, might not. Will have another carb-up next, and if no gym, whey for the night. Body replaces cells. Everybody goes thru it, and rebuilds. Muscles break down, and then we repair. If you’re not losing your mind, crazy, everyone once in a while, then nothing is changing. This could be comfort. We all have insecurities, we need to be honest about them so that we can better ourselves. It’s time to stretch-out, warm-up, work-on.

Truck is fixed, let’s go to the gym.

#4xviii Lite Push tot/lb x ct heavyweight/slow/r3*8(1s/r)

Treadmill 10 >> Shldr Press 507090 >> Cable lat-rear raise 5,5,1010 >> Chest press 8090110130150 >> Pec deck 8s*709090110110 >> Incl smith 100*3 >> Arnld press 3*r8/25 3035404550 >> Cable x-over 15202530 >> Supine tric pldwn 202030 >> Tric pldwn 304050 >> Pullover/down 304050 >> Triceps press 30507090/110130150170190/210/230(240lbs) >> /Abs/Treadmill /

Need more lateral delt practice; posture bad, need stretching; much hurt, very pain, a lot good.

#5xviii Slow/lite Pull /lbs

Treadmill warmup 11 >> High Row 3x6r /25303550658095 >> Lat Pulldown 3x 6 /45607590 >> 15 of those >> Chin Up neutral 3x 6 /666- >> Smith shrug 3*6/100100100100 >> Low Row 3x 8 /25303550658095100 >> Pec Deck 3x 8 /100*3 forearms >> EZ Curl 3x 10 /supine 20*4 >> ½ Prchr 3x 10 /15*3,30*3 >> ½ hammer 3x 10 /152025 >> Rev-row 4x 10 /40506070- >> ½ lat? 40,55,70 >> Treadmill cooldown /null

Left elbow lat pulldown not far back enough in single sided, need to do all ½; outer lower pecs still sore from yesterday’s tricep press, sit in a chair, push the arms down, sorta like dips; /rest/ lats were tight, from laying around in a bad posture, and hadn’t used foam roller, but doing the ½ pulls brought the back triangle farther down, trained weak spot, made waking up better, laying on concrete should straighten posture, with some stretching, and might improve hunch while opening obliques.

#6xviii Lite Legs 3x8r/lbs

Treadmill 10 >> Side Bends 3*8r/35*3 >> Body Squat 20,40,60(smith) >> ½ Horiz Press (½ rep) me+10*3 >> Horiz Leg Press 103050 >> L/R Leg Ext 10*3~ >> L/R Leg Curl 30*3~ >> Heel Raise 305070- >> Leg Curl LR 888 >> Push Crunch 405060 >> Lift Crunch /null >> Treadmill cooldown /stairs high knee 15 >> Treadmill cooldown

Workout; regards of leg extension, could use volume/reps, but partly not lifting hard, not to hurt, but am not pissing myself off, eventually unrealized mad goals where volume sets no adversity, is distance training do; don't skip leg day for a month; indirect object is absurd; front lats little raw;

I mine is patience.

#workout #training #fitness #program #routine #goal #guide #crossfit #fitness journal #gym #health #wellness #creativity #vitamins

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