#also i didnt expect that so many people would be curious abt what i think abt certain ships thanks y'all :') 💞💞💞

[rollercoasterwords]

☕️ the prank! how do u think it went down, when, howd it affect their trust or timeline of getting together, etc. i know its common in fics to make the prank a huge fucking deal that almost breaks the marauders or has remus not talking to sirius for weeks which i find interesting bc i think according to canon sirius wasnt remorseful at all about it? and remus forgive him pretty quickly and casually (either bc he didnt want to lose his friends or maybe he just didnt care - he does after all at one point say they were idiots when they were kids and almost getting caught as animagi several times and not really taking things seriously). obviously it doesnt have to follow jkrs version of events but im curious what u think abt it all!

oh boy oh boy oh boy okay let's get into it i think. this might be a long one. i LOVE the prank as i have talked about on this blog in the past xx

personally i think there are so many ways to write the prank and just SO much to explore with it so. it is difficult for me to choose one set story of how i think it went down because i think it would depend on what story i was writing it into!! however hmmm how can i go about this...i think i'm gonna break it down step by step maybe and kinda talk about my preferred interpretations for each bit? so...here u go!

sirius telling snape

ok so when i am writing sirius. well one thing about him is that he IS a little mean to me. like i do not think kindness comes naturally to him i think it's something he has to work at and that if he isn't watching himself he can just be careless with other people's feelings, which is why he's a bit of a bully to the people he doesn't like. so while i can see interpretations of the prank where he is like...very intentionally and maliciously trying to put snape in danger, for whatever reason, and while i can also see interpretations where it was 100% unintentional and he was even tricked or forced or whatever, i prefer to take an approach sort of in between those two extremes.

so for me, sirius telling snape is generally more of like...a snapping situation. like there's other shit going on in sirius's life with his family (because this is the year he ran away, right? and i usually imagine the prank happening sometime after that) that he's dealing with and i think he is ALSO discovering his queerness and dealing with being closeted or perhaps trying very hard to suppress his feelings for a certain best friend that also make him particularly protective of said best friend and less willing to deal with snape's shit. and i imagine like all this going on and snape getting sirius alone at some point and antagonizing him in some way about remus or where the marauders all keep sneaking off to, and sirius just breaks and snaps at snape in a fit of anger where he's like. giving into that meanness that comes so easily and just wants to insult snape and yell at him. and i think sirius isn't really expecting snape to actually. go down the tunnel that very night but at the same time i think he's a bit careless about it as previously stated and just does not think through the full consequences and like storms off in a huff. and then once he realizes what he's done at first he like tries to tell himself snape probably WOULDN'T because he's embarrassed and guilty and doesn't want to admit he's fucked up...but then eventually he does tell the others and well. that's when james goes to the rescue!

snape going down the tunnel

so this is another point where i think there's quite a bit open to interpretation, because sure we hear that harry's dad supposedly saved snape's life, but...well let's be honest that could be an exagerrated account. as others have pointed out snape's worst memory is not this night, but rather a different instance where he clashed with the marauders. so! i think there's really quite a range here. you could write snape going down the tunnel as if he was barely in any danger at all and james just yanked him out right after he caught a glimpse or heard something that confirmed remus was a werewolf, or you could write a whole dramatic showdown where james had to face down with the wolf and risked his life to save snape.

personally i like to make things a little bit dramatic here, just for the angst. obviously james probably can't actually transform in front of snape if this is canon-compliant because snape didn't know the animagi secret, right? but...well i supposed james could like shove snape down the tunnel shut the door and then transform or something. so i do like this section with a little bit more risk, where james is perhaps put in a bit of danger as well, simply because i think it makes the opportunities for angst in the next section a little juicier <3

the fallout

aaaaand the part that everyone really loses their minds over!! again, quite a range of options here all of which i think are fertile ground for exploration, and obviously however u wrote the scene of snape going down the tunnel and sirius telling snape are going to impact the fallout a lot. again, i can see the interpretation where all of the marauders are really, really upset with sirius and sort of turn against him for a while, where there's some huge split in the friend group, etc etc. i can also see the interpretation that takes the canon more at its word when sirius and remus brush the incident off years later, and say that remus honestly didn't care that much once it became clear that no one was hurt and his secret wasn't going to get out.

however, following along from my interpretation of sirius-snapping-at-snape and somewhat tense tunnel danger, i once again like to take more of a middle ground approach between these two extremes. i quite enjoy prank angst where remus feels incredibly betrayed, even once he understands that sirius didn't intend to out his secret and that it was largely just carelessness, because i think sirius being careless with this secret would still really, really hurt remus. i also love when this is like...just around the time that both r + s are discovering their feelings for each other and still sort of dancing around it, because that just twists the knife a little bit more in them suddenly falling apart for a while as sirius repents and remus tries to figure out whether he can forgive sirius and like...deal with the pain of knowing this person who knows him so intimately in so many ways still doesn't understand how being a werewolf affects him.

however, for me this is not a situation where all the marauders turn against sirius. i think james's loyalty to his friends is one of his biggest blind spots, and i also like to write him with this tendency towards a bit of black and white thinking when it comes to morality as an additional flaw, such that he can't really believe that his friends, the people he loves, could ever actually be bad people. because...they're his friends! of course they're good! and in this way, i think the prank fallout can be used for really good foreshadowing about how these flaws will later come back to hurt james during the war.

so for me, james is upset with sirius, but he forgives him very quickly--perhaps even too quickly--because...well of course sirius didn't mean to!! sirius is a marauder! he's their best friend! he's dealing with a lot of shit, and james has a unqiue insight into that shit, being the person who sirius ran away to! and sirius is a good person, so obviously he deserves forgiveness! it was a horrible mistake, but nobody was actually hurt!

i think peter mostly goes along with james, because to me a canon peter is more concerned with james than either remus or sirius. like, i think him having a sort of secondary role within the friendgroup where he's always sort of following james around fits very much with his canon characterization and also sets up well, again, for his actions during the war. i also think peter wouldn't care very much, because...well. i don't think canon peter is a great person or has the strongest moral compass. i kinda feel like he'd be like "no one was hurt, all's well that end's well, let's just move on," though of course he would never say that out loud, because clearly all his friends think this is very upsetting.

and then. of course. remus and sirius.

to me, the prank is a critical moment in their relationship. like i said before, i imagine the prank happening just as their sort of beginning to explore their attraction to each other and the possibility that they might be more than just friends. for remus, i think the prank is sort of a wake-up call and a reminder that he and sirius have lived very different lives, and there are certain things about him that sirius will probably just...never understand. i also think it's a moment where remus sees a darker side of sirius, in that like...well remus has grown up with sirius and he knows this kid can be kind of mean sometimes, but he's never been on the other end of that. but now he knows that sirius, as hard as he tries, is still someone who just. hurts the people he loves sometimes. in very brutal ways. and the fact that it's largely unintentional almost makes it worse. because how can remus blame him? how can remus hold him accountable when he didn't even mean to do it?

so for remus i think it's this moment where he has to sort of balance the scales and decide if this budding love he feels for sirius is like...worth it, almost. if it's enough to override all the parts where they don't fit, all the ways they can hurt each other. and i think the fact that he does, eventually, choose to forgive sirius is an incredibly important indication of how much he loves him, and what he is willing to do for that love.

and for sirius this is also very much a wake-up call. like, up to this point i feel like sirius has very much sort of been this spiraling hot mess because of just all the shit building up with his family and him dealing with the aftermath of running away and being disowned. but this is a point where he has to step back and realize--hey, i don't want to be this kind of person. i don't want to be the guy that hurts the people he loves just because he's careless, and angry, and lashing out in whatever way he can to try and get a grip on a life that feels so largely out of his control. and i think it's also a wake-up call that there are things he hasn't understood about remus or hasn't really tried to understand, that since remus being a werewolf has never mattered that much to him (and has even been almost this fun thing, where it's like hey let's become animagi and run around during the full moon!) he just....hasn't considered how much it impacts remus's life. he's been selfish. and he doesn't want to be selfish anymore, because remus matters to him so much, and above all, he doesn't want to lose that. the prank, to me, marks a restructuring of sirius's priorities, and a sort of renewed focus on trying to actually become a better person and deal with his shit.

so i like to imagine...like, a pretty lengthy period of time, ranging anywhere from a few months up to like a year, during which remus and sirius are a bit estranged as they're both figuring all this shit out. and of course that places strain on their friend group--and i think this is the perfect time for remus to get a lot closer with lily, as he seeks out other friends when he doesn't want to be around sirius. but i do think that remus begins to slowly forgive sirius, and they just naturally start to float back together, until they finally do have like. one big conversation one day where they talk about what happened and remus forgives sirius. and i think that marks such an important shift in their relationship, and things get a lot more serious for them from there, because they have both now prioritized each other in a way that they were sort of dancing around before. regardless of how quickly they get together afterwards, i feel like it's after the prank that they each really become each other's person, because they both know they never want to lose the other like that again.

and there u have it!! my take on the prank. like i said, i can see lots of different interpretations even within the constraints of canon, but i think this is my favorite one <3

#ask

[william-s-churros]

painful definitive edition thoughts from one playthrough lol

i mean its lisa, so am i gonna complain that much? the campfire conversations are a nice touch, but they're so sporadic and im not sure how to trigger them so i wasted a lot of time and resources trying to get the damn things to happen. as for the rest of the game tho, it really is pretty much exactly the same, just with an added layer of frustration to get bonus content thats like. fine i guess. the terry convo is obviously very charming and sweet but its kinda like i feel like the trailer/promo material kinda overpromised this feature lmfao

SPEAKING of overpromising... i was really hoping for more enemies lmfao.... area 3 has always felt extremely unbalanced to me and i was kinda hoping like. something would be done about that, but it wasnt, so whatever. i do feel like im the promo stuff it was stated there would be more battles but perhaps i just misunderstood?

anyways, its lisa! obviously i had fun playing it. i was just kind of hoping it would be like... harder.... or like maybe had an even harder mode than pain mode... outside of savescumming to bring back guys who died in battle and falling off a cliff once, i think i only game overed during battle once? i dont give brad joy and i usually play one-armed, tho i have beaten it armless and even then i still didnt struggle as much as i hoped i would... oh how i miss the highs of being killed by the mens hair club like 5 times before getting into the proper groove of things and the rush of finally defeating them... i guess this is just what happens when youve played a video game like 20 times.... you git gud as they say. sometimes i really appreciate the ability to stunlock (for ex, when fighting an enemy with permadeath moves lol) but sometimes being able to do that really detracts from the challenge ykwim?

who knows, tho. theres probably some kind of fanmod for masochists like me out there and maybe i should look for it. most of the ones i have seen as qol mods that make painmode easier which is basically the opposite of what i want lmfao.

anyways, all in all-- its lisa! most of the character information i got from campfire conversations is extremely compatible with my own headcanons already too so lmao. its validating i suppose! but its kind of on me i think for hyping it up in my own head. i am curious to see what becomes of this fandom as more people play this game this way.

ive heard theres a secret ending if you get all the companions that im gonna try for next. maybe its all worth it... we'll see.

also i still gotta play joyful! i do wonder if a lot of the changes made were to joyful bc that game felt like such an afterthought in many ways lmfao. we'll see igss! im probs gonna keep replaying these games forever because i love them, but yeah. i guess i was expecting more lmfao. but i still liked it! and im excited to try and get other things, but i do sort of feel like like easter-eggy character interactions is cheap in terms of replay value for me anyway, maybe id feel differently if i were still at that stage with the game that i found the battles really challenging and stuff, idk, lmfao

OH EDIT; super appreciated the toning down if not outright omission of the antiblackness in the original game, altho the american indian stuff was still pretty stereotypes, tho im not entirely sure what you could do abt that besides a complete overhaul of the blood moon area lol

#stop talking matt #lisa definitive edition spoilers

[rrxnjun]

tbh i love when people tell me their fav artists/music cuz i feel like i just learn a lot about them or like get to know what they are like. and also i just love it when people say/throw in something that i wouldn't expect them to say it's just so fun!!! AND YES TOTALLY AGREE WITH IR TAKE UR MUSIC SHOULD MAKE U HAPPY!!! ahh i love jack manifold he is actually one of the coolest and funniest people out there his streams are just🤌 (okay cool might be a reach but.. /j)

idk my friend says she just skips a lot of parts from episodes with the ones she doesn't like but even if i like or obsess over a show i just can't get my self to finish it (me with the owl house rn;-;) so that method (?) just doesn't help me out😭😭 yeahhh i looked up what it was actually about after i sent the ask cuz i was curious and i didn't really remember hearing about the movie and then i kinda regretted the way i phrased my question🥲but i'm glad it wasn't that bad of a movie!! IM SO HAPPY U KNOW THEM!!! TRUE R5 STAN ISTG😌😌 red velvet is just such a great song i was so obsessed with ittttt but their music just slaps in general

ooo dammnnn slovak drama:oo but i might look up a translation for the song then cuz now im curious:o (and also thank u still for telling me about this song i vibed so hard to it while writing my essays) i feel like slovak arists like them have to be outthere somewhere they might just not be that well know or something but if there actually isn't at all i hope there will be soon!!!!!

YEAH IM SO SAD ABOUT IT☹️but i think it might be better cuz i just have too much school work rn to just go on a trip☹️☹️☹️ PRETTY BUILDINGS ARE THE BEST THERE IS SO MANY OF THEM IN BUDAPEST AND I TAKE A PIC RVERYTIME I SEE A PRETTY ONE ITS THE BEST EVER ITS NOT A WEIRD OBSESSION!!!! and i really hope i will be able to visit the city another time☹️☹️☹️

it won't really be easier until like the end of june so i just hope i survive;-; but thank u though 💞💓💕 and i hope u have a nice and lovely day as well!!!🥳💖💘

(also i saw that tell me who u ship me with post and i just want to say like many other people did that u and haechan would just be very powerful🫢🫢hoping for ur baekhyun concert date with him🫡) (liebestraum anon💕💓)

EXACTLY!!! music taste says so much about a person. and wild unexpected music tastes are so fun like i have a friend that listened to exclusively heavy metal but then played lucifer by shinee on aux and i was like um....what in the- also jack manifold is so dear to me i dont watch his streams but his existence in other ppls videos is always so comedic i love him

WHY WOULD U SKIP PARTS IN EPISODES WHATS EVEN THE POINT OF WATCHING THEN??? thats the same as forcing yourself to watching something 😭😭 if i hate something i just stop bc life is too short yknow what i mean. AND ITS OK u dont have to know abt it djdjdj but i get your concern 😶

AAA if u really want the translation i can translate for u 🥳 i think i looked up the translation for a friend before and wasnt pleased w it bc it didnt really fit the energy so im just gonna do it myself to give the lyrics justice AHAHA if youre interested ofc! glad it helped w essays 😌😌 i physically cant listen to music when writing essays bc then i cant focus so i applaud you HAHA and you are right there must be artists like that here but idk them:((( im gonna try looking for some to appreciate my home country more

I WANNA GO TO BUDAPEST I WAS TALKING ABT THIS W MY FRIEND THE OTHER DAY WHEN WE WERE MAKING PLANS FOR THE SUMMER‼‼ i said i wanna take a train there and just look around and shit she didnt seem convinced but im gonna do it anyway so feel free to be my tour guide we should meet up actually

awh i hope june comes fast for u!! i am chilling rn ((even tho i have 6 essays to write until the end of april) but then i have exams may-jun so i get the stress😩😩 im rooting for u mwah!!

IM SCREAMING. CRYNG. EVERYONE SHOULD STOP TELLING ME THEY SHIP ME W HYUCK BECAUSE I SIMPLY CANNOY DEAL. me @ hyuck: baekhyun concert date when?? or we can just make out in your room and listen to the bambi album instead i dont mind either-

#💌ask #liebestraum anon

[albino-pony]

Kamijirou

Oop almost didn't see that one

They're...... super cute....

Honestly, whenever I see Jirou being shipped with anyone I can see her being a blushing mess and Kaminari would be SO proud of himself for scoring someone like Jirou :')

Also their kid would have a quirk that's basically a taser (assuming they'd have Jirou's earphone jacks and in them Kaminari's electricity)

#if I think about their kid its safe to assume that to some extent its my otp #jckabxkanxkhc #10/10 ship thanks anon #ask meme #ask #anon #also i didnt expect that so many people would be curious abt what i think abt certain ships thanks y'all :') 💞💞💞 #also fyi i hc them both as bi!

[ccelinewritess]

the distance between us

pairing- draco malfoy x reader

word count- 9.7k

summary- the first time draco uses the muggle post system, it goes so terribly wrong, and a letter falls into the hands of a girl who was never supposed to see it, a muggle at that.

warnings- curse words, ptsd, anxiety/ panic attacks, depression mention of death, murder, blood and burns aswell as insomia, seperation anxiety (?) and my grammar.if these may trigger you, i suggested not reading.

a/n- this took me a while to get out, sry abt that. the reader was set to live in a canadian town called kelowna, british columbia. it takes place in readers grade 11/12 and dracos 6/7 year. i hope it’s not to self inserted, and you guys can enjoy and relate to it. big thank you to @dracodear for the help on this, love you! also thanks to everyone who left owl name suggestions, all were awesome and i ended up going with @winnsmills suggestion ‘noctua’ ! tumblrs been acting weird, so i hope it lets me post the whole thing. letters are in italics. also please note, this is off the movies timeline! i tried to fit in as many details as possible but some didn’t make it.

-

the town was widespread. wineries and mountains everywhere, the okanagan lake splitting it down the middle, reconnecting the cities halves by a bridge. little snow and tons of rain. jeep wranglers in every colour roaring around into unholy hours of the night, bustling with life yet all to lonely at times. but hey, that’s kelowna for you.

rain was running down the windows of y/ns most boring class, last period biology. she knew she should be paying attention. she had a high gpa to maintain, and couldn’t afford to fail another class besides french. the last five minutes of blabbering ended after what felt like a year.

‘you are dismissed, ill see you all monday, have a good weekend’ and with that everyone rose, heading to the parking lot as fast as possible in an attemp to dodge traffic. despite pouring rain, the air was hot, and on the ride home y/ns mind raced over every single assignment she had to complete over the next two days, while her hands tapped the steering wheel.

‘english essay, math review, history paper, business management graph’ she muttered under her breath. the town was busy, many students often blew off class to go shopping, or hit a movie, or smoke weed, the possibilities were endless. her house was cool compared to outside, and empty. no one was home, not that it was a surprise to the girl, people weren’t usually home, siblings gone to university, and parents working absurd amounts.

something caught her eye on the counter, an envelope, an ordinary seeming one, but absolutely covered in small pictured stamps with ‘england’ underneath each one. eighteen of them, all different. she knew shouldn’t open it, so she didn’t. at first. but it was irresistible. there was a return address written in the smallest writing she’d ever seen. wogshell, no, wiltshire? she took it to her room, and locked the door before ripping it open. she didn’t want the one time she had something intresting going on to be interrupted by whoever might show up.

her mouth fell open at every line of the same scroll. who was snape? why was this draco boy sending him a letter? he didn’t need his help to kill who? what the fuck was an unbreakable vow and why shouldn’t snape sign it? why was his mum going to see snape? who was the dark lord and why did he pick draco for a task? what kind of name is dumbledore?

what she already knew was confirmed- this letter was most definetly not for her. but newly- she opened a letter from a potential murderer or maybe it was a prank, a sick prank if it was one.

so instead she crafted up quite the response, whoever wrote this was either hysterical or in distress, and needed some sort of company- she thought, atleast.

-

it had been thirteen days, why wasn’t the letter back yet? the owl still couldn’t fly even about the house without damaging itself further. maybe using the muggle post system was a mistake. but better have it land into the hands of a muggle, who would likely throw it out, than a wizard who would know a death eater would soon be wondering around hogwarts.

as if on que, the door bell rang and echoed through the empty manor. on the porch sat an envelope, with only one stamp, his name in the middle and another he didn’t recognize in the corner. shit, this couldn’t be good. his eye caught the stamp. canada? fuck, this was supposed to go to cokeworth not bloody canada. no one was home so he opened it right there in the foyer.

hello, draco.

i am not snape- nor do i know who snape is. i am also very unfimilar with some of the vocabulary you used. dark lord? unbreakable vow? you seem to have quite the situation going on, if i read correctly. im not exactly stupid, but i do know that this letter was most definitely not supposed to be in my possession. i didn’t know who to send it to, id send it back to you, but you probably don’t want a copy of your own letter. i also know you likely have enough on your plate, but if you’d like someone to talk to im only half a world away, have no sort of schedule and am a good listener, well reader in this case. good luck with whatever task you’ve mentioned. p.s. you had about seventeen stamps to many, first time sending a letter? unfortunate fate, huh ? what kind of name is snape and what the heck is a dumbledore? i suppose it’s none of my business, knowing you likely won’t respond, but if you do i wrote my address on the front. have a good day/ night/ whatever time it is wherever you are.

y/n l/n

tears were welling in dracos eyes, he was floored, in a good and bad way. his task was already going downhill. the letter he sent snape had fallen into the hands of a muggle, who did not throw the letter away, but responded. and snape was likely going to bine himself into the task through the unbreakable vow, which draco was more than able to complete. he wouldn’t have been chosen if he wasn’t, right?

not only had she responded, she offered him help, well distant company, to a stranger who obviously had quite a few problems and she clearly had no regard for her own safety. he couldn’t tell her about the wizarding world. not that he could tell her about anything, she could be lying. he had a task to focus on, he couldn’t write her back.

and that was true- at the time. he had no intent of writing the girl back. and yet he found himself reading the 201 words over and over, running his hands across the paper, expecting them to fade away as he wiped. counting and recounting. he surely couldn’t talk to any of the twats at hogwarts, maybe a stranger could help numb the pain. and as long as he didn’t tell anyone- she couldn’t get hurt, she was to far.

draco was packed for hogwarts, the response at the bottom of the trunk, underneath his clothes. he’d just have to get to the damn school, then he could write all he wanted- without his parents knowledge or ridicule. his mind jumbled together what he was going to say while his friends rambled on. the train pulled up to the castle after dreadful hours and he could barely sit still during the opening feast. his thoughts did falter though, when dumbledore gave his speech, he felt guilty- the shame of his family weighing on his shoulders. he looked around, all his classmates staring in adoration at a man who would be dead ten months from now, and they were sitting in the same room as his killer.

the singular room was nice, he knew it wasn’t for lounge, but for plots of death.

before he began he started making promises to himself. if i get behind on the plan ill won’t write, if snape notices anything about it, ill stop. the list went on and on.

he couldn’t put his pen down, the words continued to fly out the end, was he oversharing?

dear y/n

my deepest apologies that my last letter found it’s way to you. im sure you didn’t expect whatever you may have perceived from it. honestly, i don’t know how it arrived all the way over there. im almost positive you have better things to do than listen to my problems, and i know you had no control over the fact it arrived, but i ask you to please not share this information with anyone. i am unsure if i will take up your offer of amity, if you were serious that is. im at school now, so if you’d like to respond, not that you have to- you can send letters back with my owl, it’ll be faster (and i won’t have to worry about stamps- thanks for the tip by the way)

draco malfoy 

and with that noctua was off into the night, and he could only hope that it would make it to her.

-

droll was running down y/ns chin and she was caught in a dream. suddenly a vigorous tapping on the window pulled her into consciousness, the sight of owl knocking her backwards in a scare. a crash sounded, if the tapping didn’t wake anyone up, that surely did. she almost considered just trying to ignore it, until she noticed a letter tied to its neck and reluctantly opened the window. she’d never seen an owl in real life before, but was aware from school that they weren’t exactly the kindest of creatures. this one just perched on the window while she removed the new enevelope, no stamps in sight. just a neatly printed address, and his in the corner.

from the new letter she learned even more- this wasn’t a prank, draco was a real person, was still in school, and whatever the first misplaced letter contained was true. he had some sort of task and didnt want help, but that was all. so with what she could, she wrote another response. it took an hour and she wasn’t exactly sure what she had written by mid morning.

draco

you’d be quite suprised actually, it gets lonely over here. i still haven’t exactly deciphered your original note, so if you would like to help me understand i think i’d be ready. and no worries about me, my lips are sealed. what is an unbreakable vow, im curious? you go to boarding school? and owls, really? what the hell is up with that? im pretty sure it’s illegal to own one here, but we are countries away, so perhaps it’s different all the way over there. send whatever you want. i do not- by the way- have anything better to do in the slightest.

y/n

-

he continued to write throughout the month of september, which bled into october before he knew it. he was avoiding questions about the task, just wanting someone to talk to. it wasn’t easy, she was curious, which draco couldn’t exactly be mad at her for that since he continued to write her, accepting the distant friendship that was forming.

he was learning a lot about her aswell. besides french, which he informed her he spoke fluently numerous times, she was a very good student. she was single, he didn’t remember how that came up but made a note in his mind- he couldn’t date her, nor did he know enough about her to be properly involved.

she read a lot of books, sappy romances mostly, couldn’t cook anything deemed edible by anyone, and her favourite colour was green, he smirked when reading that for the first time. she didn’t know what she wanted to do with her future, just not a doctor like her parents wanted.

-

y/n was sitting in english as her teacher reviewed about univeristy application requirements. only next year they would be getting accepted and denied from their dream schools. she’d spent years dreaming of it, university, and yet somehow a boy half way around the was racing through her mind. she felt horrible about it, the small crush. it was incredibly selfish, falling for a boy with so much going on, he certainly didn’t need her as anything more than a friend to talk to, but he was good with his words, and making her feel important too. her dismissal came and so did a classmate, approaching confident and cocky.

‘hey, l/n’ he said, a smirk on his face

‘oh, uh hey, will’

‘what are doing tonight?’ her mind went blank, any excuse, come on, say something

‘i have plans’ wow real specific, great job, y/n

‘like what’

‘fish funeral, real important stuff, my family is just devastated’ her voice was clearly sarcastic and that was all before she walked right out. no she didn’t exactly have plans, but waiting for dracos owl provided much more company than any date could have. the sight of dracos owl flying towards the pre-opened window was somewhat relieving, she didn’t know why, just the fact that he had not failed yet, and was still out there was nice. she hadn’t had this much company. since last year at least, when her supposed best friend started ghosting her because of some petty shit.

thankfully noctua ad gotten quite good at being discreet when delivering the letters. of all the things on y/ns junior year bucket list, explaining to her parents that she had befriended a british boy with an owl who flyed into her room while her neighbours had a clear view, wasn’t one. she also began keeping a bowl of water under her bed for the owl to drink when it arrived, knowing it couldn’t have been easy travelling back and forth.

y/n

im not fully sure you want to know the depth, yet you seem to want me to corrupt you with my villain with a task baggage. i suppose it couldn’t hurt if i told you about the unbreakable vow. it’s like a promise or a bond, but if you break it then you die. if you can stomach that i may be able to tell you more. how far away do you reckon we are?

draco

-

draco wasn’t falling behind too far, but his first attemp had failed, and panic attacks were taking up most his time. he never had any, at least not this bad until this year. at least once a day he would start sweating, no matter how cold he was, unable to control his breathing or tears, feeling like the walls were caving in upon him.

that is, besides writing y/n as much as he could. apparently she was being honest, she had no schedule of any sort besides going to school. he hated to say, but he was becoming attached, he didn’t exactly know how either, but everytime he recieved a letter a small weight was lifted from his shoulders, even just when he read it.

noctua was doing the weekly, almost daily round at breakfast with the other owls and draco watched with anticipation as a letter dropped on his lap and owl on his shoulder. he tried to conceal the letter into his robes but pansy had taken matters into her own hands. likely jealous that she’d spent collectively around six hours with him the whole year, and he never talked to her like he used to.

‘ou draco whats this’ twirling the envelope between her hands. the letter had no name, no stamp, only a small heart drawing in the corner.

‘hands off parkinson’ he said while taking the letter back. ‘a letter from my mother, if you must know’ he said knowing that neither his mother or father had written him anything, despite having all the time to do so.

he got up and left the second he was done, not wanting to draw snapes suspicion about who could possibly be more important than working on this task.

he rushed to his room, desperate for more of her words. he tried to picture her voice in his head, but had to remind himself she wasn’t british nor was she from southern america.

draco,

so you just die if you break the promise? intresting. it’s not as hard to stomach as you seem to think, very unique tradition i suppose. you are not a villain draco, you haven’t told me much about it but your to good of a person to have picked any of this for yourself. i calculated when we you were home, seven thousand three hundred something, i don’t know where your fancy boarding school where you have owls for pets is, so it may be further. im ready whenever you are.

y/n

her letter was relieving for him aswell, even in the slightest it helped, but she deserved some sort of answer for helping him take his mind off the task for a couple minutes. he could tell if she wasn’t scared off already, this would do it.

y/n

if you are sure, here it is. dumbledore is my headmaster, the dark lord is a very powerful wizard, and snape is my professor. if i don’t kill dumbledore before july, he will kill me and my family, if i can’t complete the task, snape will kill him under terms of an unbreakable vow. im not a very good villain that’s for sure, my first attemp failed, and my classmate is out cold. i understand if you dont want to write to me anymore, just don’t tell anyone about this, please.

dm.

-

the only words to describe the feeling that overwhelmed her senses as she read were devastation and shock. tears pooled in her eyes as she tried to imagine herself with that much responsibility to wildhold until july. another detail that caught her eye, wizard? what did he mean by wizard? is that the word for dictator in england? certainly he wasn’t talking about the wizards she read about in storybooks as a child. her hand shook slightly and she debated mentioning it.

draco

you’re silly if you think i’d stop writing you. you need company now more than ever. please don’t hold things back from your letters, you deserve someone to talk to. that is quite the situation, im sorry if i pushed you, you do have enough on your shoulders and i want to help you as much as i can. i hate to ask, but you mentioned ‘wizards’ and i am a bit confused.

all my love

yn

-

initially, draco went into shock. he knew he was probably oversharing, but didn’t expect to slip up in that way. he begrudgingly admitted; knowing that if this went badly he would likely be banished from the wizarding world, which didn’t seem like such a horrible punishment to him anymore. and yet she was fascinated, by the coins he sent her, the subjects he learned- which she compared to her own much less exciting ones, and everything he told her about it. he could now talk to her about much more, since both his secrets were now out in the open to her. he told her about the about the houses, and they both agreed she would probably be in hufflepuff, well he thought so, her kind and accepting nature, and she didn’t know enough to disagree. and for the first time in the long time he was seeing things differently, completely diminishing the rude behaviour he often displayed towards the house.

she even sent him a picture, the first time he ever saw her face. a large smile spread across her beautiful features, she seemed to be laughing. eyes glistening in the sun even prettier than he could have imagined. he slept with it under his pillow, and could stare at the still image for hours. no it didn’t move around, but he couldnt care less. he only had one picture of himself in his possession and he was young, about four. she was facinated by the moving image, his blonde hair and attitude shining right through. he would owl his mother for a more recent one, but didn’t want to explain why.

the letters were helping him, but the task wasn’t advancing. his second attempt had failed, he was caught sneaking into slughorns party, and harry was onto him. they were also causing him doubt. say they did get the cabinet fixed, he couldn’t see himself killing dumbledore anymore, the more he talked to her he realized he couldn’t be a killer, as cold as he was to some people, but he had to, didnt he?

most importantly every letter she sent gave him a sense of hope. that the second this is over he could move. away from voldemort, and potter, his parents even, england in whole. perhaps not to canada, but it could be a change, half way across the world with the girl who was helping him stay alive through his letters. he just needed to stay alive long enough too see her.

the seasons changed around draco, but his room stayed the same. hot from mysterious potions, for himself and some for dumbledore, he had not had much hope after the wine, though. it was lonely, not that he’d like y/n here, he’d much rather be there, all the way across the world.

-

may came in a blur, and finals were creeping up. one week y/n sat at her desk, every night, waiting for a letter that didn’t come. on the fifth letterless day she cried. not exactly knowing why, it wasn’t her that had much of a reason to cry, but dracos company had filled her lonely life up with light of its own, leaving it darker than it was before she saw the first letter. she was silly to be so attached and silly to expect him to reciprocate the feelings she had proclaimed in the last one she sent, and should have expected him to stop eventually. so she continued on with school, finding it a bit easier to concentrate now that a draco sized whole was missing from her brain, and her heart aswell.

the next week, though, a letter came, very appreciated by y/n as the whole other universe, british boy forgetting thing wasn’t as easy as it seemed.

y/n

im sorry for not writing, the classmate i mentioned all those months ago woke from the curse, and the potter twat hexed me with a spell id never heard of before. i would have tried to contact with you but i couldn’t exactly trust what my brain was planning on writing, and the cuts are still a bit sore. the cabinets fixed, but even if everything works out okay i won’t be writing very much at all. i’ll be home in july, but the manor will be infested with death eaters and i can’t let you get hurt. thank you for everything l/n.

draco

it stung a little, knowing that the empty feeling the girl just experienced would be more frequent, he didn’t mention anything about what she had said, and that this could be the last time she ever heard from him if he didn’t kill dumbledore. in hindsight, practically telling her she loved him in a letter wasn’t what he needed, she knew that.

-

he left out the fact that he the spell put a him in a huge emotinal draught. he was exhausted constantly, crying even more than before. the cuts were sore, so he wasn’t holding everything back.

the last month of school came and went all to fast for dracos liking, and death eaters now roamed around the castle, causing havoc where ever they could. his trunk had been shurken so small it looked like a small muggle toy he put into his pocket easily. the dark mark that was stretched across his left arm was now hanging in the gray sky, and the headmaster was no where to be seen. he paced anxiously around a vacant corridor until he heard a pop in the astronomy tower. he didn’t think people could apparate into hogwarts, it would have made his job much easier.

‘harry, get snape, i need snape now’ he seemed exhausted, maybe this wouldn’t be as hard

‘sir im going to sit you down okay, and then ill go get madam pomf-‘

‘severus, harry, I need severus now, go get him and talk to no one else’ he said in a shallow yet somewhat urgent and angry tone.

draco waited for footsteps to disappear, before whipping the door open with his wand already ready.

‘oh hello, draco, nice to see you on this fine evening’ he said nonchalantly, leaning his weight against the wall.

‘EXPELLIARMUS’ draco boomed, successfully disarming the man without counter attempts before glancing around to see a second broom

‘who else is here?’ he said sounding confident but feeling the opposite

‘i could ask you the same question, acting alone are you? you don’t seem supported’

‘no, there are death eaters in your school tonight, and i got them here’ he snarked ‘they’ll be up, any minute now, their fighting down below. i’ve got a job to do’

‘well done boy, if you don’t mind me asking a few questions, before you get on with it, im very intrested’ was he kidding? he knew draco was about to kill him right? wanting to stall, and not fully wanting to kill him he nodded his head yes.

‘you seem scared to act until they join you

‘im not scared, you should be scared’ he snarled, unable to contain the fear in his voice any longer any longer

‘oh draco’ he sighed ‘while we wait for your friends arrive, care to explain how you smuggled them in here? i never imagined it possible, especially not by a student’

‘i had to mend the broken cabinet that no ones used for years, there’s another one in borgin and burkes. montague got stuck in told everyone stories about it, how he could sometimes hear what was going on in the shop and sometimes hear hogwarts like a passage, and i was the only one who discovered what it meant. not even borgin, not you either, i did it right under your nose, you didn’t realize anything’ he said

‘you are right, i didn’t know that. i do- on the other hand, know that you aren’t a killer’

he raised his wand a little higher, feeling wheezy and as though his legs would give in any second

‘how you know that, I’ve done despicable things, you wouldn’t even be able to fathom’

it was dumbledore’s time to pause, glancing up at the sky and looking around the room before continuing

‘draco i know you almost killed katie bell and ron weasley. you’ve been trying to kill me all year, forgive me for saying this, but they’ve been very feeble attempts. to be honest ive wondered wheather your heart has truly been in it’

‘it has, and if you knew why didnt you stop me’

‘snape has been watching over you on my orders’

‘ it’s not on your orders, he promised my mother-‘

‘ofcourse he would tell you that, but it happens to be that i trust professor snape’

‘your losing it then, he’s a double agent, he isn’t working for you- he’s been trying to get in on the action all year, helping me and all. doesn’t matter now- he probably doesn’t even know they are here yet, he will wake up tomorrow and no longer be the dark lords favourite, he will be nothing compare to me’ confidence was building within him

‘very gratifying, we all like being recognized for our hard work, but, draco?im standing here wandless and weak, unable to defend myself, and you have not made any move to kill me, dont blame me for believing you will not, but let’s discuss your options’

‘my options’ he laughed ‘im standing here with a wand, about to kill you’

‘oh dear boy, if you were going to kill me you would have when you disarmed me, not stayed for a little chat’

‘i haven’t got any options, don’t you understand, i have to kill you, or he will kill me’

‘okay, if you don’t want to join the order with your mother where we could protect you, i only have one more question’

‘better hurry, theyre on their way’ he almost laughed which was quickly replaced when Dumbledore said his next words.

‘who is y/n l/n’ at that a tear fell down dracos face, and he lowered his wand almost completely

‘i-i don’t know who that is, odd l-last words’ he stuttered

‘draco dont play dumb now, not after we discovered you are very intelligent. we left some of the security measures from last year that Umbridge enabled, and I couldn’t help but notice hundreds of letters flowing to and from her. i looked into student files, ilvermornies too, nothing, id never heard the name, a muggle i presumed. but of all the things, that had me the most confused. i couldn’t figure out why you would be contacting her, so i did some meddling’

‘WHAT DID YOU DO’

‘fiesty all the sudden, are you? i felt bad after opening this, it seemed very personal, and i probably should given it too you sooner, but i was a bit preoccupied double checking my drinks and all’ dumbledore said handing him the letter.

draco

how is the cabinet coming? it’s raining even more here than usual, all day and night. and don’t talk like that, saying you don’t have a future. you do draco, you deserve another chance and infinite amounts of them. you are just a kid, you shouldn’t be forced to be a hero. you are protecting so many people right now, but i don’t need any. you have given my life enough light in the last few months than i ever recall, and im so thankful that letter came to me. i wish you were here with me right now, but i know you can’t be, so just stay alive, okay?

y/n

more tears fell, he hated being so weak at the mention of her, crying before he completed the blessing his father and bellatrix considered the task to be.

‘she’s right, draco, you deserve another chance’

he was speechless, and could tell Dumbledore knew he found his weakness.

‘i always pictured you and pansy, never in a million years imagined you to be in a relationship with a muggle’

‘no matter who does it, your about to be killed, and im not here to discuss my love life am i?’

‘so you do love her?’ before draco could even think he heard a door open and raised his wand, hiding the letter faster than he had ever moved.

‘shut up, they will kill her’ he said quietly and desperately

in walked fenrir greyback, yaxley, and bellatrix. they made banter of their own, but her words replayed. he couldn’t do it.

‘go on draco’ his aunt whispered into his ear, making him shiver.

‘DO IT, DO IT BOY’ she yelled, in a high pitched and annoying voice

he felt a strong arm over his chest, pushing him aside, and he saw the whoosh of snapes robes and an already pleading dumbledore

‘severus, please’

‘AVADA KEDAVRA’ snape shouted, a green flash producing from the end of his wand, hitting the old man square in the chest. draco rushed over to the edge, watching him fall. it was a long way down.

-

the rain had sudsided, sunlight leaking into her room during the day. watching the sky at night, failing to find constellations he described many times to her. her wardrobe was mostly untouched, remaining in pyjamas most of the week. the odd time she did leave, she saw her old friends walking and laughing out her car window. eating and socializing felt like a chore, and she hadn’t communicated with the boy since may. he could be dead, she didn’t know. there was no death on the ‘muggle’ news, and draco wasn’t on the top wanted list, not that he likely would be on the television all the way over here. he could be fine, in wiltshire, going to dinner parties and holding balls. or maybe, he too, was sitting in his room staring at the ceiling for days on end. she had now hung the picture of a young draco by her desk, not needing to worry about anyone seeing. her siblings were once again home, but out living their lives so much that it still felt like they were gone. for the first time she noticed his scroll on the back.

‘i was four when this was taken i believe, my hair is very similar, i was quite sassy, im sure that shows without explanation.’ she blushed while reading, it was true. his hands were on his hips whipping his head around.

-

every day was a surprise around malfoy manor. not the kind of surprise draco liked. not the feeling of butterflies in his stomach when he read y/ns letters, those were replaced by a pit as they were summoned around the large table in the dining room. the first one he attended was horrible, watching his muggle studies teacher being hung above their heads, pleading for the help of severus as she died. he bit his tongue in an attempt to avoid raging about about every comment surrounding muggle culture. each one tore his heart, as he imagined the girl all those kilometres away, the girl he had no contact with, but he looked at her picture as much as possible, and hoped one day he could make her smile again like she did in the image.

-

senior year was here, and y/n schedule picked up once again. her timetable was full, maybe it was best, a distraction, after a whole summer of thinking alone in her room. draco was on her mind at night, no matter how hard she tried to forget. she’d made friends with her creative promotions partner, logan. he was certainly not intrested in her in anyway besides friends, but company after all this time was enjoyable, just in the hour of class

-

draco had little privacy, with death eaters in every hallway, conversing with eachother. wherever he went someone was there, until he finally got sick of it and began going to the garden bench. with a book, sometimes, giving some of the sappy love stories y/n mentioned a try or even the poetry books she sent with noctua awhile back, they were okay, but his heart hurt at the feeling of relation in every line. he could only read one or two poems at a time, without tears forming in his green orbs.

sometimes he went with a pen and a notebook. he wrote about everything. the smell of the plants around him, the feeling in his chest when the dark lord called for a meeting. most of the notebook, though, was filled with poems of his own. and letters he had no intention of sending for her own safety. she wasn’t in harms way, though, other followers were preoccupied with ruining weddings and other things they considered fun. he blabbered on for pages, about how he missed seeing noctua fluttering towards him at breakfast. how he rereads the letter that dumbledore gave him the night he died. how she listened to him rant on and on, giving her support no matter how evil he felt. how he found love where it wasn’t supposed to be.

snow was falling once again, he had to dress in layers, making it hard to write often, the plants started dying as cold settled over and his mother no longer babied him like she used to before the death eaters began inhabiting the mansion. he couldn’t keep himself company any longer and gave into the pressure he put on himself. as long as they were careful, she’d be in no destruction- he prayed as he wrote what seemed to be an appropriate response after all this time.

-

like it had been decades, she flinched at the noise of the owl on the window, carrying a much larger scroll that he’d ever sent before, some parts scratched out and written above. his writing was much less tidy than she remembered, like the letters on the page were anxious for her reaction.

love,

after all this time, im sorry you are just now hearing from me. you have ever single right to be annoyed with me, after you listened to me for months, helping me emotionally in ways i never be able to repay you for. you do not need to forgive me, or write me back. i just wanted to keep you safe. but i needed to tell you everything before it might actually be to late. you’ve probably moved on and forgotten about me, like you should, but i guess im saying that i am alive. i didn’t kill him either. snape did. i thought i was going to be able to, but he started talking about you. he gave me a letter from you that he had already opened, the words repeated in my head over and over. you talked about how i deserved another chance, and how you wish I’d was there with you. right before he died he asked me if i loved you. i knew the answer but didn’t have time to say it. ive read your poetry books, they aren’t as bad as i once thought, i can’t read to many at once. i try to forget what dumbledore said that night, and that night altogether. but one day i read ‘that’s how you know you love someone, i guess. when you cant experience anything without wishing the other person was there to see it too.’ when i sit in the garden i imagine you smelling the flowers, myself picking one and putting it behind your ear. when i go on walks i imagine your hand in mine. youre in my dreams. my never ending thought. i remember the way i felt when we started talking a lot, and how I felt when we didn’t get a chance. you listened to me when no one else offered. not even my parents. i hope your doing okay, and smiling and laughing. i don’t care if we talk about absolutely nothing, i just want to talk to you. i know that’s unfair to you after all ive weighed on you. but i guess that’s all, i love you. draco ♡

well this certainly didn’t get him off her mind. she didn’t need to either. ofcourse she was going to write him back, but she needed time to think about her response. she missed the next day of school, and his owl was comfortably standing on her desk, nibbling away at the water and crumbs. she took an hour long shower, multiple naps, raided her fridge, and had to email the school pretending to be her mum, excusing her for the day. before she even knew what she was going to write, she began on a new piece of paper. she’d have thought longer, but was sure draco would be convinced she stole noctua out of anger.

draco,

wow. i don’t really know what to say. i knew you weren’t a killer, and i meant what i said about you deserving more chances. i will admit i was angry, and a bit confused. i sent that letter with high hopes. i don’t know what i was hoping for at the time, i was being incredibly selfish. but couldn’t help myself feel pained when you didn’t mention it in the next letter when you said harry hexed you. i know we can’t be together, especially not right now, but i love you too. i wish more than anything you were here with me right now, and it was you i’d be graduating with half a year from now. i wish you were in the passenger seat of my car while i drive through the city. i wish you could point out the constellations in the sky. i usually can’t read to many poems either, they get me thinking to much. im ready to write again if you are.

y/n

-

draco hadn’t felt more joy in a long time. around seven months. she loved him, and that was enough happiness for a life time. he just needed to stay alive.

they continued to stay in touch, almost as if they never stopped talking, entertaining eachother as much as possible, masking their separate misery and the distance between them. he could get time away from the reality that was his life for a while, he thought, until snatchers brought the trio he spent so long bickering with to the manor.

a very distorted looking harry fell before him, his hair tightly gripped by bellatrix.

‘well, is it him’ he knew it was harry. and yet a part of him couldn’t bring himself to letting the boy get killed.

‘i can’t be sure’ he lied

‘draco, look closely son’ lucius said loudly, getting a grip on the back of dracos neck before leaning in and whispering.

‘if we are the ones that hand potter to the dark lord, all will be f-forgiven. a-all will go back to how it was’

his father and the and a snatcher quickly got into an arguement. lucius was yelling something about the manor before narcissa calmed him with a hiss.

‘don’t be shy, sweetie come here take a closer look’

draco was know level with him. the scar was still visible on his forehead, and swollen eyes staring back at him, hopeless.

‘what’s wrong with his face’ draco said

‘yes what is wrong with the boys face’ a shrill voice repeated

‘he was like that when we got him, something he picked up in the forest i reckon’

bellatrix walked away, laughing away at something. the blonde boys eyes were still on harry, before he felt a tap on his shoulder. bellatrix began acting out, yelling about a sword, putting ropes around snatchers neck from the end of her wand. sword now in her hand she walked over to ronald weasley, grabbing his collar and demanding that the boys be put in the cellar.

a different draco would have gladly watched a mudblood be tortured by his aunt. but he flinched at every scream of hermione, unable to watch he went to the next room, resisting tears as he thought of the girl he fell for enduring the same. she had moved onto the goblin- ridiculing it about who got into her vault- and hermiones screams were now gone.

‘youre lucky, goblin, the same won’t go for this one’ he heard footsteps

‘like hell it wont’ he heard ron yell, followed by the expelliarmus and what must have been harry stupefying his father. draco rushed in, now dueling a more normal looking harry, until their attention caught on bellatrix, a knife to grangers throat. they dropped there wands, and he did as instructed, picking them up. lucius was summoning the dark lord when they heard a tittering on the ceiling, and the chandlier crashing. it all moved so fast and harry was now wrestling draco for his wand back. he tried, but harry had already pried it out of his cold and shaky hands.

‘STUPID ELF. THAT COULD HAVE KILLED ME’

‘dobby never meant to kill. dobby only meant to maim or seriously injure’ the house elf squeaked, and draco had never resisted a chuckle so hard.

‘HOW DARE YOU TAKE A WITCHES WAND. HOW DARE YOU DEFY YOUR MASTERS’

‘dobby has no master, dobby is a free elf, and he has come to save Harry Potter and his friends.’ and with that they apparated out, not without bella throwing a knife into the mix.

-

meanwhile, y/n was receiving letters of her own. not from draco either. letters from the schools she applied to. so far everything was good, except for princeton, but she didn’t have the highest expectations. she was accepted to the university of british columbia, seattle university, even ucla. she only had one letter left, and the large stuffed yellow envelope sat in her hands. she wasn’t sure about it- would she even be able to go to the univeristy of london? it was far, but draco was there, well closer to there atleast. accepted- it read. it was an option, and she still had weeks to think about it.

-

draco was very hesitant to write after the incident at the manor, the screams of Hermione, and the terrifying looking potter still vivid in his brain and nightmares. he often woke from sleep in a sweat, yet freezing cold. whispers of the war around his house also haunted his mind and soul. he’d walk to the window and look up at the the stars, they were under the same sky, at least. eventually he had to write her, it had been half a month and he couldn’t leave her hanging alone again.

y/n

love, im sorry for being hesitant, but there is going to be a war. i hate to leave you contact-less, but i need you to be safe now more than ever. i couldn’t live with myself if you got hurt. potter and his friends were brought here to the manor, it didn’t last long- they escaped within the hour and a half. with that doped elf, and a goblin too. if you don’t hear from me again, remember i love you. and always will.

draco

of all the letters y/n had recieved, from draco in all, that was probably the most displeasing. a war? like with tanks and bombs? tears were shedding down her face as she wrote the shortest response yet. knowing he most definitely didn’t have time to listen to her talk about schools, and how she got accepted to london, but her parents deemed it to far, ubc would have to do, she’d find her way to him eventually, if they were meant to be.

draco

stay safe, i love you.

yn.

-

draco now stood at snapes new office, dozens of corpses on the floor, pooled in blood. the dark lord speaking parsel tounge to nagini. no one needed to speak it to know that the man was infuriated about something potter had done.

-

the information he left was lacking, was he serious? what did wizarding wars even look like? her graduation date was set, June 6th, but it all seemed irrelevant, suddenly picking out a dress didn’t seem as fun as she thought, same with getting portraits taken. should she have said more?

-

next thing he knew the protection spell was countered and he apparated in, grabbing zabani and goyle by the collar. rushing them into a corridor and waited for the door of the room of requirement to completely vanish before approaching himself. they successfully found harry, opening a box carefully before finally drawing attention to themselves.

‘well well, what brings you here, potter’ draco said, softly, much to his surprise as he meant it to sound snarky and rude

‘i could ask you the same’

‘i believe you have something of mine, and id like it back’ was he becoming… kind?

‘whats wrong with the one you have?’ harry replied

‘it’s my mothers, powerful but different, doesn’t fully understand me, im sure you know the feeling’

‘why didn’t you tell her. bellatrix? you knew it was me, and you didn’t tell her’ he wasn’t exactly sure what to say, nor did he know. harry really didn’t have anything to do with his feelings for y/n, maybe he should have just turned in him when he had the chance, it would all be over if he had.

‘don’t be a wuss draco, just do it now’ goyle whispered in his ear, making him chill the same way bellatrix did on the astronomy tower, almost a year ago.

‘expelliarmus’ hermione half shouted, causing narcissas want to fly out of dracos hands and run the other way.

‘avada kedavra’ goyle missed and weaslebee started chasing after them, yelling something about his girlfriend. turning back around after goyle unsuccessfully casted the fiendfyre curse.

fear was making his body almost rattle as he desperately climbed bookcases in an attemp to outrun the flames. he watched goyle fall, into the orange. yes, he was a complete and utter twat, but wasn’t a half bad friend during dracos bullying peek. his foot slipped, now just his hands were keeping him up, and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold on. in the distance he saw the three, zooming off to safety in the distance, leaving them their to die. not that he blamed them, after anything he did to them, he would have probably left himself there aswell.

but potter was flying towards him, arm out-stretched, grabbing onto his own and hoisting himself on the broom. had he already died? must not have, because the heat had finally caughten up. feeling as though he was going to pass out, he gripped tighter onto harry, maintaining his position on the broom. so much for staying safe. the second they made it out, they crashed onto the ground. he wanted to thank harry, but found himself running off instead.

explosions and hexes were being sent everywhere. people dying left and right. giants and trolls and spiders helping, he found himself in the slytherin common room. partially because he wanted to say goodbye, as he never wished to return to the building again once he had the choice. and partially as he was now aware of a large burn on his arm, and he felt a need to put off fighting until absolutely necessary. he entered through the portrait, for the last time. it felt like an aquarium, looking out upon the lake filled windows, merpeople and the giant squid often zooming by. he sat down upon the sofa, where he spent countless hours avoiding homework, plotting against potter and swimming in lust of his pure-blood status that now felt like a curse. he went up to his dorm, where he did very similar things. he wondered as to what he would be doing if he was a muggle right now. picking out a suit for graduation, buying a corsage for his date, but he wasn’t, so he best get going. running his hands along the furniture before leaving, not looking back.

the noise in the entrance courtyard had completely been diminished and draco found his way into the crowd of students pooling in. death eaters swarmed towards them at a painfully slow place, his mother and father near the head of the group. he noticed hagrid, towering above them, carrying what could only have been harrys corpse.

he watched carefully as they approached, trying to wedge himself inbetween and behind other students.

‘harry potter is dead’ voldemort paused ‘from now on, you put your faith in me’ silence fell over the hundreds of people who were know gathered. he swished his robes and turned backwards facing his followers

‘HARRY POTTER IS DEAD’ obnoxious and deafening cackles erupted

‘and now is the time to declare yourselves. come to our side, or die’ even more silence fell.

‘draco’ his father hissed before repeating ‘draco’

he felt eyes fall all over him, gazing expectantly. tears ran down his face.

don’t talk like that, saying you don’t have a future. you do draco, you deserve another chance and infinite amounts of them. was this what she meant? he’d been looking for another chance, maybe this was it.

he shook his head no, and noticed his father had fallen a shade of pale he didn’t know existed.

‘Draco, DRACO’ he yelled, clearly enranged, but before he could continue - a movement shifted in hagrids arms, and harry fell out. in a heartbeat draco threw his wand to the scar faced boy. he caught it, looking grateful as he could while casting some sort of spell at nagini. death eaters were disappearing into the air- including lucius, narcissa being dragged with him.

draco didn’t know what to do with himself, he was wandless and he couldn’t fight, unless he wanted to engage in an actual physical duel, which he didn’t. he found himself in the great hall, asking professor sprout if she needed help patching those up, she pulled him into a hug, unexpectantly. he never recalled such contact or connection with a professor. he spent the rest of the battle helping healing wounds with dittany, and caring for those left in the wake. it was a nice distraction from the fact he would most definitely be disowned, left a family-less orphan at 17.

-

y/n couldn’t blame him for not writing, he clearly stated that it might be the last time. but every night she cried until she couldn’t cry anymore, or until she fell asleep. how could she like him so much? they’d never even met. she didnt really need to see him to know him, his letters told him enough about him. and she could only hope- that if he managed through his six year without killing his headmaster, he could make it through the war.

-

he delayed going back to the manor for as long as possible, until he decided to apparate directly into his room. he considered packing his things up, but realized no one was home. he was thankful, he don’t think he would ever be able to fully confront his parents again. he fell asleep in his bed, and slept for 48 hours straight. he slept through very vivid dreams, ones of y/n being tortured the same way as Hermione, ones of the dark lord coming alive once again and killing his mother because of his choices. he couldn’t bring himself to sleep again purposefully, no matter how exhausted he was. the days weren’t much better, his mind raced at unbelievable paces. he saw the dead bodies laying around the great hall, the unrecoverable ones. maybe he should have just fallen into the fire, surely that would have been easier. he was slowly becoming thinner, and always needed multiple blankets to even stay at a somewhat warm temperature, his heart beat faster than normal. he often felt pains in his neck, and his eyes were almost always puffy from crying. he spent so much time in bed he almost didn’t hear his owl flutter onto his nightstand mid afternoon, a small package tied loosely around his neck.

he opened it to see a letter, muggle candies and a worn book. suddenly he felt more awake, and be shot up a little to fast then he should have, sitting on the edge of his bed.

draco.

i don’t know where you are, or if youre alive, if youre reading this now. i hope this doesn’t arrive at a bad time. but your 18 now, so happy birthday. if you are seeing this, i still love you. i think about you all the time. i hope you are okay, and safe. in case you don’t end up writing me back, i just thought I’d give you some random information to keep you company and away from your mind. i graduate tomorrow. i look at your picture everyday. I remember what you once told me about following my dreams, so instead of medicine, im going to study literature and business next year. im staying in kelowna aswell for now, hoping maybe you’ll be able to visit someday. im sure you’d like it. my favourite colour is still green. i don’t know what else to say.

always here to listen if you’d like to talk. yn.

was it actually his birthday? had it already been a month since the war? it felt like a year but the visions played over and over like it was yesterday. it took him awhile before it clicked. the war was over, Voldemort was dead and there was no one to stop him from seeing her. he completely disregarded the lightheaded feeling he got when he stood up to fast- and rushed to his wardrobe. it took him a bit longer than he thought to pack up all his clothes, including the thousands of letters he kept hidden in a large drawer. the trunk was a bit heavier than he may have thought, and he ended up needing to take a car, in fear that he may not be able to apparate successfully to the airport without injuring himself. he quickly found out that muggle travelling was harder than he thought, and security and customs were also apparently a thing that all people needed to get through.

he wrapped himself in his cloak and didn’t get a drop of sleep the whole plane ride. it was nighttime when they flew over montreal, and then toronto. the sun rose as they crossed through winnipeg, regina, and calgary. he didn’t know this himself ofcourse, but he aggressively hit the map on the screen in front of him, desperate to know where he was. he only got an hour of half decent sleep before he felt rattling of the plane landing, and he gripped tightly onto the arm rests. he struggled for half an hour before he even got sight of his luggage on the moving thing that went round and round. compared to London, kelownas airport was very small and easy to navigate. the air outside was hot, making draco feel even more self concious about his clothing choices.

-

y/n put her hair back into a twist with a clip taking a suprising amount of effort to make sure it looked okay. her makeup was natural looking, nothing crazy but she looked gorgeous none the less. she slipped into her black romper, some canadians didn’t wear their fancy dresses to convocation, only something simple to go with the cap and gown. she arrived at the ceremony, seeing everyone, with excited smiles and laughs, conversing amongst themselves. and every memory came rushing back. they sat in rows on a stage, listening to the heartfelt and extremely cheesy speech the staff made every single year. she’d never noticed how many kids were in her age group until they were being called up one by one.

‘alex can’

‘ruth lee’

and the list went on and on until finally

‘y/n l/n’ the moment had come, and she shook everyone’s hand, receiving her diploma and flipping her caps tassel to the left. ‘y/n is staying around next year, and attending the university of british columbia okanogan, good luck l/n’ her principal said and claps continued like they had and the rest of the list finished sooner, or seemed to go by faster, she wasn’t sure. 

-

draco had never had to find a taxi by himself, but once he did he gave the driver the only place he knew, the address he saw on the top corner of her first response almost two years ago.

-

y/n pulled away from the school grounds, watching them disappear in her rear view mirror. it was hot with a breeze, but she smiled the whole way home. she’d done it, made it through every assignment and class, dealt with attention hungry bitches, and crappy teachers. the next door was truly opening. pulling up to her house, and closing her car door as she hopped out, she watched her feet carry her up to the house. turning the corner, she saw him, sitting there on her steps, a present wrapped horribly in his hands, looking very out of place in his black cloak. she stopped in her own steps and he hesitantly stood up, before she launched herself into his arms breathing in his cologne, finally together after all this time.

#draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy fanfiction #draco malfoy fluff #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy x hufflepuff!reader #draco malfoy #draco fanfiction #draco x you #draco x female reader #draco x reader #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter headcanon #draco malfoy headcanon #harry potter imagine #harry potter fanfic rec #harry potter x y/n #cedric diggory x reader

[hinasho]

isle of the lost vs descendants 1 characterizations

the book ends literally when the movie starts so their personalities cant be that different right? lets see

(similarities posted at the bottom!)

DIFFERENCES:

book: when evil queen goes on about beauty related things, especially in regards to her daughter, usually evie would begrudgingly recite whatever “tip” eq taught her and just go along with what she says. not to say she hated those kinds of things, but whenever her mother brought it up, she never expressed similar excitement or engagement. more often than not she was indifferent to her mother’s beauty antics, and we only see her talk about them in regards to herself in the last few chapters (im not talking abt the mirror incident, but the one liners she’d drop about her appearance here and there) movie: when the parents first tell their kids about going to auradon, eq talks about sprucing her daughter up before she leaves and evie is visibly excited about the makeover. she also goes onto encourage it on others as seen when they’re all in the limo and she tries to put makeup on mal.

book: the villain parents are not friends and we almost never see them together. the one time we saw the parents/adults all together was in the prologue scene for evie’s 6th birthday party. after that they never interact and dont pay each other any mind. this is especially true regarding evil queen and maleficent, as they state in the book that they’ve been at odds ever since they fought over who’d rule the isle. eq has also just been welcomed back into society after being banned by the other, so time-wise, at worst, they are still enemies and, at best, barely tolerable acquaintances. movie: evil queen & maleficent have a significantly close relationship, so much so that eq knows her house like the back of her hand and where maleficent keeps things, specifically that her spellbook is in the fridge. they even have a laugh about how they use to run things before being forced to live on the isle. they seem to be genuinely close. 

put the rest under the cut bc this post is too long lol

book: jafar and jay’s mantra is “whoever has the gold makes the rules” which was significant because it helped them while in the forbidden fortress movie: jafar and jay’s mantra is “there’s no team in I” (while this change was surprising, i also wasn’t that upset abt it bc both book and movie!jay struggle with teamwork)

book: carlos is not athletic at all and goes on about how he hates gym class. he is very focused on stem and doesn’t really care about any other kind’ve hobby. meanwhile jay is athletic and does casual parkour when going anywhere. movie: both of them do extreme parkour in the opening song. im not referring to the dancing ofc, but the extra flips and tricks they do. this is not unusual for jay, but is in regards to carlos.

book: jay isn’t the only one that goes around stealing things, mal very much does it to. at the end of the day they’d even compare how many things they’ve stolen to see who’s the best thief. jay usually wins, but still, both are thieves. movie: when they get to auradon, mal is very confused as to why jay would take the time to steal things and even needs for him to explain why he does it.

book: ben describes audrey as a classic fairy tale princess. she finds all things in auradon lovely and beautiful, and even has a bird land on her finger during their date. while she does think negatively of everyone on the isle, she acts mostly “lovely and sweet” before anything else, and it is not faked. think: giselle from enchanted. movie: idk how else to explain this difference besides “audrey just has a different vibe”. she is more regina george-esque than genuinely cheery, and puts on an obviously fake smile and attitude so often that queen belle expresses distaste for her 

SIMILARITIES:

mal likes art and goes around the isle putting up tags --- (the romance storyline wasn’t bad, but it would’ve been nice to see mal maybe join an art club? or get into painting or smthg else related to her hobby)

carlos is afraid of dogs --- in the book he can’t even say or hear the word bc it’s a trigger for him. he can say “puppies”, but he cannot say the word dog. whereas in the movie, he says the word several times. this is an extremely minor difference to be fair

when they’re afraid/think they’re in danger, they all cling to jay

they’re not used to sunlight 

the ben & mal tension on first meet (and continued infatuation before the cookie scene) --- in the book both characters have had a dream about the other. they didn’t know who the other was, but they remembered the dreams vividly enough that they were able to describe their faces in detail. in the movie when they first meet, both pause on each other several times. it’s likely because of the o’l Disney Romance™️, but it could also be because of curious recognition. 

jay is a flirt/smoother charmer and girls fawn over him

carlos is good with and likes science & technology

mal wanting to prove herself to her mother & the others not being as set on it --- in the book, mal is constantly reminded of the times her mother has called her “not worthy of bearing her own name or of being her daughter” and it causes mal to lose her cool several times. the other VKs also have parental issues ofc, but ones that are not as focused on proving themselves like mal’s are. theirs lean more towards other problems. in the movie she is extremely insistent on reminding them what they’re at auradon for and that this is their “one chance to prove themselves”

the core four freeze in fear when confronted with the reality of their parents’ pasts

mal can touch maleficent’s scepter --- to be fair that dance number in the museum was most likely just mal daydreaming, but still

jay going off on his own/following his own plan --- in the book jay and jafar plan for him to go with mal to the forbidden fortress and then double cross her and steal the scepter for himself, taking it as their “big score”. in the movie when they first see the wand with their own eyes, he runs off in front of everyone and only opens the gate enough for himself to squeeze through. carlos has to open it wider so they can all get through it after him. and once theyre in the same room as the wand, he reaches for it first against mal’s wishes.

carlos is bad at sports --- this is in both the differences & similarities section because, while in the book & movie he’s bad at sports, in the book he also doesnt like them and has no desire to do them as he is completely focused on science & tech. while after some practice in the movie, carlos joins the tourney team alongside jay. (i personally would’ve preferred for him to join a computer or engineering club)

mal can manipulate people with ease (book: evie / movie: jane & ben)

fairy godmother is mainly the one that enforces the “no magic” rule --- beast may have created it, but both in the book & the movie, people/creatures talk about fairy godmother being the one that restricts them

carlos climbs trees/searches for higher ground when afraid

evie knows how to use her looks, specifically her smile, to get the things she wants (book: persuading dr. facilier / movie: getting info out of chad)

audrey likes to dance 

carlos is sarcastic & competitive 

mal cheers up evie when she’s upset 

evie is good with academics

ben wanting to be his own person rather than act like his father --- this was a good continuation from book to movie as ben only realizes he needs to be himself in the final chapters, which he just continues to encourage in the movie. 

mal’s spur of the moment saving tactics

the villains aren’t good with computers/the internet --- the isle canonly doesn’t have wifi and in the movie the villains struggle with the laptop that was most likely given to them from an auradon representative

audrey’s family still being deeply traumatized by what maleficent did 

belle not letting beast talk shit 

mal pitying her mother for what she went through --- in the book: when she sees the past of what happened at aurora’s christening and sympathizes that her mother was nothing but a sad lonely girl. in the movie: the “and i really wish you hadn’t gotten there yourself” line during ben’s coronation

annddd yeah!

honestly there were a lot more similarities than i was expecting, and i am pleasantly surprised! book to movie things dont usually crossover well, but honestly, the first movie didnt do too bad of a job of it. 

tbh i think the one that probably suffered the most was audrey’s character. she really seemed very different from her book counterpart. this isnt to say that book!audrey was a saint and would’ve treated the VKs kindly, but she also wasn’t a fake person and was genuinely that cheery and upbeat all the time. whereas in the movie, it seems like almost nobody likes her (except chad) bc of her “fakeness”. 

i personally think if they were gonna go with the “bad girl and her minion” role, then audrey should’ve been the minion. in the book she was kind’ve an airhead (?? idk she just tended to have her head in the clouds a lot) and if one of the auradon girls told her to act a certain way towards the VKs for the “good of auradon”, i could see her listening to them. i dont know if she’d be the one to come up with the evil deed herself though. 

overall, the continuity flowed pretty well. i wish they didn’t change audrey’s character like they did (they probably could’ve had jane play the role of ‘stuckup girl’ tbh since she was a new character and her mother had a higher position in the kingdom compared to audrey’s parents anyway, so smthg to boast abt), but other than that, the movie’s characterizations were kinda close to the books!

#descendants #babbles #long text post // #now i gotta read Return #isle of the lost spoilers obviously

[matazz]

My Feelings on Roy Endoza

sooo i wrote this basically after a big thing happened in our campaign. it was basically a way to vent to myself and i never ended up sending it until now. anyway, here’s a couple of ramblings.

It’s Carter and it’s finally getting to the end of Campaign 2. It’s been over a year since Roy Endoza has existed as my character and he’s so different to how I originally imagined him. Anyway, I have a lot of thoughts and feelings so I’ll divide it up into categories. I’m writing this as how I’m feeling so it makes sense its whatever comes to mind first and makes sense chronologically but you can read it how you want but this is gonna be definitely from the most impactful things to the least.

Basically my Thoughts on how I wrote Roy

For starters, he was this unempathetic doctor who stole corpses from hospitals to practice necromancy for fun, and lies about being dead because its hilarious. I eventually evolved him into this gentle guy who adores the people he loves because I decided to give him a boyfriend; Milo Corazon (his name is cute because it means “My Heart”. Roy’s name means nothing symbolic). Milo was just meant to be there to make him have more depth as a character, and that’s exactly what I did. I got really attached to him though, and I came to the realization that I need to seperate Roy from Milo for the campaign to start.

And as tropey as it is, I decided to kill him. And I didnt just want him to die from illness or an accident or get “murdered by a syndicate”. Milo is soft, he’s innocent and gentle and sweetness and sunshines and thats exactly why Roy Endoza fell for him. So I made Roy kill him through the irony of his own necrotic practices.

Since even before the campaign started I’ve been threading it along that Roy is dead. He’s a corpse who was brought back from the gods mysteriously. I even faked being a cleric. It’s a fake backstory I made to counter the real one, and everybody believed it. It didnt counter anything, it made sense.

And even before that, I’ve known he was going to lie and I’ve known he was going to try to use necromancy to bring his boyfriend back and I’ve known he was going to continually lie to keep himself safe.

Basically my Thoughts on Royce

At the start of the campaign he got the letter. An opportunity. He met Fox only a while after his accident and he got attached.. to this lost confused boy who was just as lost as he was. And then we met all of you.

Shortly after, I told Ayce about my “lie” first... and then Ayce had the exact same thing going on and I took it as an opportunity. I saw the opportunities with Roy betraying Ayce and using him. And I thought about how fucking beautiful it would be if they were a romance and how much more impactful it would be if they were. Not only did it make sense with Roy’s motives of finding a way to bring back Milo, but it made sense for Roy and Ayce to “empathise” with eachother after going through “the same thing”. And holy fuck I took that opportunity and RAN with the wind and I’ve not regretted it.

I absolutely fucking adore Royce even for those messed up reasons. It just works. Ayce is absolutely the type of boy that’s Roy’s type. Kind of small and good for hugging, has fluffy hair and a nice smile, a bit cheeky and dumb but still clever and really charismatic.. and the relationship between the necrotic boys and bonding over that was a bonus. It probably would have worked in a universe where Ayce’s life wasnt fucked and Roy chose not to do necromancy. It was sweet and cute and perfect without the angst but it was heartbreaking and tragic and awful WITH the angst. I loved the potential for the love and cute bits and even more so I loved the potential for all the heartbreak and the angst.

Endoza loves Milo Corazon with every ounce of his heart and he was interested in Ayce because it was Ayce that made him know it was possible. Truly, and really possible, to bring back someone from the dead.

I know that’s evil for me as a player to continue this plotline but it made sense in character. Roy was interested. And it was mistaken for romantic interest.

And Roy... didn’t mind. He genuinely loves Ayce. More than he expected to for just a person he was going to use as a stepping stool for his goal (it sounds awful, I’ve KNOWN this). And I as the player loved it.. I loved Royce because not only did I get to attach my character to something else but it just worked so well narratively. It was unexpected and it was beautiful and it was tragic and I’ve known that the honeymoon phase of Royce was only going to last for a few months before it collapsed into this deep well of never turning back and yet I kept pushing and chugging for this relationship to happen bc I really wanted the drama that I knew would come along with it (also it just WORKS narratively)

Basically my Thoughts on The Gods / Being a Champion

To be honest I’m unsure how none of you ever found my story to be bullshit when Roy himself never had faith in the gods. He has absolutely no relationship with his god and he only used them as a stepping stone for his lie and it worked, even though I messed up so many times and admitted I never trusted them.

Which.. why would Roy trust a God who doesnt know him at all? Or even more so, if the God supposedly knows “everything about Roy” yet didn’t attempt to stop Roy on his endeavour of necromancy despite being heavily against necrotic magic. Or why the Gods who are so against necromancy would choose a boy who was bought back to life and a necromancer himself. It was silly and Roy thinks the gods were stupid in their choosings.

In his mind Roy believes that the gods have no power. They’re weak and that’s why they make people to their gritty work, because they can’t do it themselves. In his mind, Roy doesn’t quite believe everything their saying. Roy Endoza doesn’t care about about being a champion, but he’s curious...

Beshaba was obviously wanting the keys because of their immense power, so he thought that maybe he can use it for himself. Unlock a power that nobody else has or could, use it not for anyone but himself and Milo. He wasn’t on anyone’s side. Neither the gods or Beshaba. He only wants to save his loved ones and himself even if it meant committing blasphemy.

The first time I ever talked to Lathandar he was already so far down the rabbit hole. Roy already had no respect for the gods and was going through with his plans anyway, so his god trying to talk him out to it just felt like a massive joke to him. Why do you care now when you never cared before?

But yet I asked him questions anyway. To use him, to find out more. I asked him about the magic readings and I asked him about the keys and I asked him about the world beyond Sanctuary and I asked him about Beshaba.

All to find out that the gods are.. basically inefficient and that they were evil once. That beyond sanctuary they were corrupt and then they suddenly “grew a conscious” (Roy finds it hard to believe that people, even Gods, can just “stop being corrupt”) and when they got embarrassed of their actions, closed off the rest of the world. They do nothing except sit and let their champions do things and are scared of Beshaba; one God vs the four of them. But why are they scared when they have collective power and the keys? They could banish Beshaba themselves with their power alone. This is why Roy doesn’t (and has never) believed in what the gods stand for. He is only using them, and the only reason he stayed was because of Ayce and Fox.

As I’m writing this, it’s just after the Gala episode. I’ve put my heart and soul and emotions into Roy so a part of my kind of has a distaste for them too (I’m so fking sorry Keiran but theyre just so lazy I cant 😭)

Anyway, it's weird. I've been playing this entire campaign knowing that everybody puts their entire faith and trust into the gods but I just never have.. (or at least Roy doesn't so it's hard for me too). I'm really only following them to benefit myself, and that's exactly what happened but I can't help but feel like Beshaba might actually be trying to save us from this prison of the world they've made (or something poetic like that). I guess I also just think it's because it might be cool that the main villain was the good guys all along and we were the bad guys. Maybe it turns out that I'll be wrong, and I won't even be mad for it. But maybe I'll be right and I'll be the smuggest bitch in the world. Who knows what will happen.

I guess some insight on how I feel abt Roy and the PCs

I guess it doesn't really matter bc at this point in the campaign I've already made my actions and set myself as a villain. Whether or not you guys see me as one is a mystery and I'm both dreading and excited what your pinions on Roy will be as he's made his downfall into a villain.

It's funny, to be honest. With the way I wrote him, I always was going to make him progressively more hatable. He starts off as a trustworthy guy but you eventually find out that he was lying about his past to cover up for himself. He breaks the trust of the players and he uses them for his own progressive goal. But when I wrote him, I thought playing a character like this would be hilarious. I've played him exactly how I imagined, even better than I imagined, but I didn't think I'd feel so attached and heartbroken breaking your trust.

I think for the entire campaign I've believed that it was possible to save him.. maybe just talking to him and getting him to open up a bit more. It might have made all the difference. I'm not blaming my actions as Roy on the players not helping him, bc it definitely was Roy's fault, but I like to think of the alternate universe where I felt less lonely bc despite having friends and a boyfriend there was so many points where Roy just feels so alone and I just felt this deep pit in my chest from that lonliness. It's so dumb and stupid how much love I've put into Roy that I can feel what he feels.

And so all that fighting after Solardome when our friends got kidnapped, all the arguing and the stress and disagreements and then eventually Fox leaving and Ayce not interacting.. it was all just little pieces of sadness and loneliness trickling down and then by that point it was just too late to save him.. I like to think that maybe if it was a bit earlier then he could have got over it. Changed his mind, maybe.

Despite that all and desite feeling stressed and lonely and mad and everything that Roy ever felt, I've absolutely loved writing and playing this genuinely good person and seeing him turn rotten and become a villain on his own without realizing it. I never thought I would ever write a character go from the top and fall to bedrock, or even that I'd do it

well

, but he's so much. I think right now I love it. I love the drama I love the suspense and I love seeing what you'll all think of when you discover the Fall Of Roy.

Basically my Thoughts on Miss Winters

So the campaign moves on and I meet Miss Winters pretty shortly and we make a deal to "Discover How To Bring The Dead To Life". It was shortly after I met Ayce so I was aware it was possible. Roy absolutely had nothing to lose at this point, and he would do anything so he said yes. So for the duration of the campaign we helped each other trade information and most importantly look for a spirit stone.

At Solardome, the President Medeanne asked us to eradicate the witch and her skeletons and provide proof. And Roy wrecklessly put himself at the forefront without thinking. At that point I thought maybe she had lost her mind or something.

And then we unmasked her and she was dead. A rotted corpse.

And after making you all leave; I killed her.

Roy Endoza’s never had difficulty putting down the undead and so one more wasn’t a huge deal, but at the time it felt like such a loss because it was his only connection to information. In the end, it hadn’t of mattered because we retrieved a spirit stone anyway.

It was really only about a session or two later when I realized that I never actually killed Miss Winters. I only killed the corpse she was controlling and that real Miss Winters ran off with two spirit stones.

And so it took a LONG time (or at least in real time lmao) before we ended up going back to Origin, which was the only place I knew where to contact her and she was.. gone.

#roy endoza writing #roy endoza #writing #roy endoza musings #musings

[aquacai]

compilation of bts/army tweets i retweeted but doesn’t actually appear on my profile (TWITTER WHY)

TEXT POSTS:

Namgi are actual prodigies, how did bang pd just casually pick em up like that

ARMYs give BTS amazing promo but it only works cause...

And just in case anyone doesn't know, we call K-army "diamonds" because...

namjoon: i made espresso!! jungkook: i wanna try it namjoon: u hate bitter coffee  

seokjin couldnt give less of a shit!!!!

Hoseok is Rock Lee

We have faves that are so willing to educate themselves...

I actually adore the final verses of The Last so much.

Hobi’s pseudo-triple entendres

why is this something i feel like rap line does in the studio

the funniest part of this run ep was when taehyung said...  

BTS teletubbies @ MBC Gayo 2017

every update this year

top three betrayals are bighit not releasing tony montana feat jimin...

When I first began to fully get into BTS, I had a pretty jaded view...

Dear BTS 2013, its ARMY 2018.

MY  DNA

*Yoongi's dating rumour*

this episode (run ep. 46) was so full of innuendos

fake trans on jin’s supposed feelings about the SIN separation

whoever is directing run should be reigned as the nation's hero...

What do you call a company that surpassed and outsold the big3?

bts are the definition of hyping ppl up for doing the bare minimum

an actual conversation that happened (run bts ep 46)

suran suga again and army

So I suddenly remember when Namjoon said these during Wings Tour The Final...

She was pushed by another members of staff  while doing namjoon’s makeup

I WAS IN THE SHOWER BLASTING BTS AND ONCE I GOT OUT...

to the female staff who consoled jimin and keeps saying “you didn't mess up”...  

they went from pardon to what was that

What happened at the first two episodes just made me respect Namjoon more.

on a serious note, it would be nice if when bts gets a special someone...

Next time during BTS concert, instead of screaming “encore encore”...

yall ever wanna think about how namjoon said that jimin needs lots of love and attention and thats probably why he shared a room with hoseok bc thats what exactly hoseok gives him

if I have any feeling towards BTS thats stronger than Love then it's RESPECT

the reason Jin was going on and on with his (R)evolution (E)volution (D)rop in the ocean thing might be because he was "hinting" at Youtube Red

one day, there will be a last...

namjoon came to post a selfie and left with a dating scandal

remember when hobi said “i wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for bangtan”...

Namjoon admitting that he’s also “just a kid” ...

"The reason I make music is because, after all, I am also afraid of the world."

Yoongi's scalp is braver than any US marine

Sometimes we forget that Namjoon is also just trying to figure out the world.

PUMA fansign: thank you for making music that changes the world

Everyone has a musical preference & enjoy when their artists reflect that.

let me talk about taehyung and how amazing he is as a friend

i like when seokjin shares stuff about his childhood, we get to know his orijin

BTS is also  for redefining masculinity (hiphop is their way of life)

from humble beginnings to legends

burn the stage makes me realize that whenever rm post photos of nature ...

what exactly makes namjoon the sexiest for me ...

the reason seokjin’s chest and shoulders are so wide

Bighit: O! R YU DEAD, 2?

"What's your favourite song currently?"

the mask guy: u didnt bring anything to exchange so i cant help u

namjoons exchange [in the Fake Love Teaser 1] is so funny to me...  

here are some of my favourite joon interviews

"How did you join BTS?"

jin: i’ve been doing it for 4 years

I hate it when people say armys have two brain cells like bold of you to think we even have a brain (sarcasm lol)

i’m a new generation anpanman

When the Billboard news was released this morning... (wisha)

interviewer: so what are your goals?

sometimes i still think about how the fanchant of cypher pt4...

"Hoe calm down, my shoe lace is untied"

“itʼs ok, we all found bts when we needed them in our lives the most”

i’m so sorry but it’s fake love

i want to see the world from taehyung’s view

just for youuuu

i love that taehyung is never anything but proud when talking abt the fact that he’s gained weight

i bet taehyung gives the best hugs

Our bomb is like a permanent reminder...

remember when we were like omg hixtape‘s mv gonna have bomb ass choreography lmaooo

no but it's so cute bts call it family pictures and not group pictures??

there's an undeniable sexual energy between yoongi nd every trophy... 

bh staff: describe yourself in one word

jin: man, blowjobs sure are a mouthful (incorrect bts quotes)

THREADS:

I came across the Deloitte 2018 Media and Entertainment Industry Outlook

hoseok is one of the best dancers in the industry...

meaning behind whalien 52

KPOP101 LESSON 8: THE MINIMALIST ART OF THE KOREAN BALLAD

getting people flustered is hoseok culture - a thread

MY TOP 10 BTS SONGS (by KommonSense)

an explanation of rap lingo BTS use in their lyrics: a thread

I have some free time so like for an unpopular opinion. (hobybIo)

My Favorite Soft BTS Moments - A Thread! (odie)

Burn The Stage made me feel extremely vulnerable. (Aileen)

as Kings of Korean History [A thread] (KommonSense)

a thread of my favorite bts-related tumblr posts

Why and how the BTS rapline's experience with rap mirrors that of OG rappers

Everytime a BTS member was supportive of the LGBT community in any way

Namjoon (RM) Owning Up to His Mistakes

odie

Bangtan dancing styles thread

hoseok is one of the best dancers in the industry

Sky’s experience as a veteran ARMY

Jimin’s gliding technique (more threads on his dance technique)

analysis of how well DNA is structured as an EDM-pop song

I took a closer look into BTS’ intro Serendipity

Park Jimin is one of the most graceful and beautiful dancers in the industry

ok newbie kpop stans, welcome to history class (fandom shit)

An Introduction for the New, the Confused, and the Curious

BTS introduction thread

Science & literature are intrinsic to understanding how BTS and ARMY

how Singularity choreography coincides with lyrics

WHAT BTS ACTUALLY SAID - A MEGA THREAD

BTS song recommendations based on genres: a thread

rap line’s verses analysis

Mnet Comebackshow (LY:Tear) pre-recording review - THREAD -

"remember when" (BTS edition)

I'm watching a BTS music video and I don't know what the hell is going on, a thread:

LY: TEAR - MUSICAL ANALYSIS.

You know why I never will trust or listen to people who say "I left because of the fandom"

Type out what the bighit intro sounds like

Tyra Banks and her biological sons; a thread:

a thread about how BTS uses their music in their storytelling

for hot100, bts did what fans suggested

"Silly Little Trivia: Literal Choreography" thread for Fake Love

UNDERSTANDING BUniverse

BTS showing LGBT+ representation and support, a thread  (this, too)

BTS meets Western standards of “cool” established by 1960s music, particularly rock ethics

BTS’ success: human brand x fan relationship

to celebrate bts festa, here is a thread of army stan twt’s best moments

MEME PICS/VIDS:

Jimin in the Danger mv

save Cook-Jin

Hope as mom : can you even get in any college with these grades?

Namgi & their annoyingly jumpy kids

IM WHEEZING JIN DID IT AGAIN

Everything makes sense noW (spider bite, cooky bite)  

when they let you love them

When you need to wake em up

coming soon: Kim Seokjin only wanted a boyfriend

salt baes

EXPECTATION: "We aren't talking about BTS enough!

summary of run bts ep 46

i-armys and k-armys (suga’s ghost patting the clay)

Heaviest objects in the entire universe

"You will witness taehyung and jin fighting"

The battle of the year.

Hangsang with my thug

"Tangina mo," - J-Hope, 2018

choose your mineral water.

We all know... K-ARMYS & I-ARMYS

so who is giving them the candy?

I AM FUCKING DYING LAUGHING AT THEM IGNORING ALL THE KNOCKING IN THIS SCENARIO

I got bored and made ART

remember when namjoon asked for armys to edit him in because he missed the group picture with halsey

me listening to bts album skits

hoseok: hangsang with my thugs ||  his thugs:

we're finally getting the country comeback we deserve

fixed Jimin’s shots in LY:Tear

jungkook: made before i was born

this is what your food looks like inside the microwave

is this a theory?

is this an invitation?

He returned from the war

avatar Jimin

Yoongi and JK’s muffled convo

im just trying to take a nice screenshot....

ah yes, the four elements: fire, earth, water and snickers

Tyra Banks:  The BTS ARMY is devoted and crazy (in a good way!) xD

BTS [MV] - You Will Never Do a Live Alone

the nation's #1 producer & bts' hype man 

namjoon: you. me?

jungkook when he first met joon 

fierce lil meow meow

RM spinebreaker???

this looks like rap line were a group of friends who stuck together...

V was written all along in Jimin’s tweet lol

jwimin-ssi

Hangs out with Tyra Banks ONCE... 

learn the alphabet with BTS

TRANS:

When Bighit said they’ll donate 3% of LY album sales, u guys mocked us...

Kim Seokjin strange points

k-netz’ reaction on the Suga-Suran dating scandal

"Can bangtan fans please not get swayed by rumors?”

BTS trainer instagram re:B.T.S.

Music critic Kim, Youngdae nim’s MINI REVIEW on “Face Yourself”

Music critic Kim, Youngdae nim’s MINI REVIEW on “Euphoria”

bang pd and namjoon about his post supporting macklemore's song 'same love'

Konkuk uni student who became Seokjin's fan after speaking with him

I'm a multi-fan, I watch and listen to many idols, but I'm truly scared of BTS

an older woman(non-celebrity) admitted how much she loved BTS

So many warm teas in this article wrote by producer/musician Seiji Kameda

#LOVE_YOURSELF_轉_Tear Album HYYH Notes Translation Thread

180518 Love Yourself 轉 Tear - Thanks To Translations

“The lyrics in BTS’ album are so great  Huge congrats to receiving at BBMA ”

response to #1 Billboard 200

BTS 2018 Festa Member’s profiles

VIDS:

KBS Happy Together 3 - Spring Day sung in karaoke room

imagine being this close to sunshine

Ashes - Lim Jeong Hee ft. BTS (2011)

kook's carelessness brought out his sunshine laugh just like that

Remember when bts proved to armys that they are all really spiderman

that time the cameraman was filming bts and jungkook started telling him...  

i still get so soft over this the way jin hugged taehyung...

Seokjin killed it in this part in boy in luv

the sound of their footsteps is so satisfying omg

Remember when Jin and Ken met on a year end event rehearsal and they just...

Jungkook’s ‘yes’ and smile when Miri jumped through his arms...

seokjin and his interactions with camera men

Remember when Yoongi & Namjoon sang the high notes in Young Forever...

look at the difference between taekook and jinkook’s handshake lmao

this dance break has a special place in my heart :')

remember when Taehyung accidentally cut his real hair...

Nver forget that iris stevenson was the first one to believe in taehyung...

did yall notice that fdjghgd i’m shaking (run ep 46)

To remember the great SiN/YoonJin moment...

the wings era might be over but this snippet of each member’s solo songs...

Yes, Mom. This man right here. I love him. No more questions?

this is the best video of jin to ever exist

here’s jungkook having fun dancing to mama and lie

slush ft. jin

tell me why is it so funny that yoongi only opened 1/10 of his door n went back so fast

nothing but respect for my choreography leader

when jungkook opened the window well aware that it was raining

what makes you laugh? seokjin’s face

Bringing this back when taehyung was dancing nae nae...

SOMEBODY GIVE THIS BABY BLANKET AND BED...

i love this performance so fucking much!!!!

your ultimate mood booster (hobiiii)

HOLY SHIT MIN FUCKING YOONGI DID THAT

susko sobra ung bucket hats

THE WAY YOONGI AND HOSEOK SAY "RM" TOGETHER

remember when seokjin and hoseok were recognized by fans in america

jungkook imitated namjoon's finger heart and wink in a cute way

A compilation loop of Hoseok sneezing because it’s cute. Bless you!!

remember when jimin was hyping about their concert but hoseok

Hoseok left the group during Trainee days

heres 12 seconds of yoongi doing That Scream™ ...

this is what happens when you openly listen to bts without prejudice

when i say i want a rock song, i want THIS.

When Jungkook couldn’t pronounce Army bomb because of his Busan accent

U kno the thing joon does when he finds something?

reminding all of you that the special talent yoongi prepared is... imitating a doorbell

Here's a compilation of musicians getting shook by the sudden change to major in Jimin's 'Lie'

He actually blew a kiss how adorable

The fanboying level on this video is just

Hoseok doing background vocals/harmonising in Let Go (??)

...namjoon literally gets amused at the toy which blows a ball in the air...

NAMJOON DROPPED THE MIC HE WAS HOLDING AND JIN...

Lie rough instrumental

rough draft of Autumn Leaves, Young Forever, Wings (RM), Wings (JK)

Joon’s voice in the BBMA nomination teaser

Jin's reaction when I (sky) told him I brought him a present...

why BTS was nominated for BB TSA 2018

taehyung was fighting back his tears when they won TSA at 2017 BBMAs

Yoongi forgot his lines in Ma City and he just...

mannequin Tae

Bangtan ended ALL fashion weeks tonight !! (4th muster japan)

members cheering jimin up, wings tour macao

RM’s ending ment, Wings Tour the finale (Day 2?)

never forget bts' iconic reaction when they won their first daesang

When Jin was bowing, Jimin held him down and Jungkook immediately ran to sit in front of him.

jimin and seokjin debating whether dolphins could breathe underwater

look at tae's reaction when bang pd's voice broke

interviewer: what?

“DonT FiGht, Dont Fight!” :(((

RM: “we want to focus on our career”

Q: what's your favorite thing about yourself? yoongi: ᶤ ˡᶤᵏᵉ ᵖᵘᵖᵖʸ

WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT HOW JOON TRIED TO DO THE LIL DISNEY WAND THING WITH HIS FINGER IM HURTING

jungkook’s closeups

BTS with Ciara at the BBMAs 2018

don’t ever forget that seokjin is one hell of a snowboarder

“the reason why bts, who was not supported by big agencies, succeeded, is that they tried to read the world and to breathe [with the world] together”

this is what happens when u leave namjoon and jimin alone together

this video of seokjin being hype then instantly stops when his manager look at him will never be not funny

LMFAOOO WAIT TAEHYUNG AND NEYO WERE JAMMING TOGETHER

An exclusive interview with #BTS ! (MBC News)

i love this version of airplane pt. 2 so much (jk+jm part)  (jimin mode~) yt link full

john cena getting asked whats his favorite song off love yourself tear

The female staff who video tapes BTS bangtan bombs is amazing

WHAT THE FUCK JUNGKOOK LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE SEOKJIN...

Q: Please say something to international ARMYs

awake (short harp cover)

airplane pt. 2 dance cover

compilation of yoongi stuff in raps

wHY IS JUNGKOOK LIKE THIS

the way he said "what's your name?" and shouted "michelle!"

full vid of the two links above

#ISeoulU bts vid 2015

Tyra Bank’s music vid for Fake Love

vmin in sync is scary

fake love original choreo

jungkook said ‘mic drop!’ after he stepped on the wire and made the mic fall

tae acting in euphoria

puppy jungkook is still the most ᵘʷᵘ :(

hobi jk mirror dance with finger heart (mcountdown)

ONEW WAS THROWING CONFETTI AT TAE PLEASE THATS SO CUTE

Look how Jiminie gave the trophy to Yoongi cuz baby boy knows

tae: so show me  army: i’ll show you~  {music core)

minho and tae hugging (music core)

tae’s aegyo in board game run ep

look at taehyung acting all cute in the back

when seokjin goes like (•3•) its the cutest thing ever

wow jimin was that an accident

YOONGI REALLY IMITATED HIM IM SKFJDJ

What 시 (si; hour) is it?

SUGA: honestly, I rlly liked pro-wrestling

a fancam of taehyung spilling his water on his face

ARMY giving hobi a flower with his face on it (fansign) (180603)

BTS: *on their way to a very serious interview on one of Korea's biggest news channels*

yoonkok instant hug BV S1

sunud-sunod na aegyo in anpanman outfits

jungkook pulled off straps and threw down two straps then taejin picked them up

legends say this is the closest rep of how hoseok looks in real life

Kihyun really had the courage to throw confetti in yoongi's face tho

52 year-old man is a director of a company in Japan dancing DNA

I stan a king of fan service he's so adorable!

when taehyung was fake crying and jimin came & softly hugged him from behind

this or that game

jk imitating his hyungs (180607 fansign)

HOW UNSEE THIS IM LAUGHINF SO HARD shkhhh  (awake)

biggest mystery in kpop - who's collecting who in the background??? (taejin?)

SEOKJIN ENDED THE PERFORMANCE DOING A FINGER HEART... 180607

hopekook's modified mirror dance 180607 mcountdown

jk reacting to ariana grande bbmas 2018

Look a joonie :( look at him go :(

REMEMBER WHEN HOSEOK SAID HE WAS CLINGY WITH YOONGI (BV2)...

noona fan giving hobi and jimin “allowance”

namjoon drunk-tweeting?

carbonara

LOOK AT LIL MEOW MEOW GO (basketball)

look at jimin’s reaction when a noona gave him a finger heart

they had to throw the yellow cloth at the finish of the performance...

OTHER PICS:

tae being so accepting in star king ;w;

i may be not here since 2013, but im still lucky to witnessed yeontan's lil growth

remember when bangtan was running late for their show...

NAMJOON’S REPLY TO THE SELCA JIN POSTED OF HIM...

hobi and his hearts

ep 1& 2 of B.T.S. has at least cleared up 2 main issues in this fandom

RM has a little #WednesdayWisdom from Burn The Stage.

This photo is a complete mess.

yoongi’s kind of humor is my favorite

Their biggest dream isn’t to break records, its to stay together for a long time.

They recorded their interviews for the documentary when they did Gayo track 15

what jimin said here was really interesting and great

the most powerful twins

They decided not to blur these faces of people who's behind BTS’ success.  

BTS calls their staff with nicknames, noona or hyung...

it really went from edits to jungkook actually saying it

IM CRYING BIGHIT PAID FOR YOONGIS TUITON :((

LMFAO at none of them even touching the salad

tae’s uneven eyelids

when jin got allowance from his dad to buy steak...

LOOK AT YOONGI RUN SJDNDNDNDN

give me a better photo transition I'll wait #euphoria

love yourself 起 wonder (2018)

jin being peymous even pre-debut

THIS STILL GOTTA BE THE FUNNIEST THING JOON HAS EVER SAID

the most remarkable twins in history

a turkish tv show asked for ppl to send in pics w their siblings and someone sent in jin and jimin

taehyung’s a legend that listens to music on his laptop on the go

onigiri yoongi

MY MOTHER CAME INTO MY ROOM AND ASKED IF JIMIN IS MY BOYFRIEND

jung hoseok aka the king of mirror selcas

Tiny bestfriends vmin who have been inseparable since kindergarten AU

old bts pics I still can't believe exist: a thread

yoongi at namjoon's graduation (w/ hoseok)

I COMBINED TAEGI'S PICS TOGETHER AND OH MY GOD SJSB

"i put sticker on my carrier" yeah ryt

oh nothing just seokjin casually putting his LG G7 ThinQ at his jacket pocket

He show his flower uwu

taehyung accidentally becoming a meme on diplo's snapchat

Never forget Jungkook's Hongdae adventures

THANKS JIN for not killing jungkook

liam’s post of namjoon :D

that one time namjoon tweeted a picture of them with the caption of “we are all fools”

A 59-year-old friend of mine talking about Love Yourself:Tear

I was worried because I thought yoongi kept doing some kind of gang sign but--

This has to be the best reaction to a non-fan of BTS...

when you are sitting beside BTS but mcflurry ice cream is life

why is this exactly what all of their mixtapes sound like

dispatch - yoongi, fake love

taehyung’s chubby cheeks when he smiles

taehyung and his tea

OMFGGMFM LOOK AT Tyra Banks when boys went up for their award she’s a whole Mood I love her

BTS FESTA 2018 prediction

carry him again, jin

I KNEW THEY WERE GONNA CLOWN HIM

top10 mistranslations betrayal 

Yoongi doing ᵗʰᵃᵗ smile

wide open yoongi

brigada eskwela stairs album art

jin flower petals (fansign)

namjoon vs svt jihoon

yoongi continuing his lil meow meow agenda

These two cuties just melted my whole heart (tae and tanie)

So... are we gonna talk about how they drew one stickman thicker than the rest

Low key promoted BTS the past 3 weeks in our hospital...

The exact same cat, same plant & same island taken 1 year apart. (ARMYSelca)

yoongi bunched up(?)

#bts #twitter #my post

[survivorbehemoth]

Episode #1: “brb gotta go to dinner” - Logan

This is literally the worst possible outcome, I would know the 10 fkers on the other tribe and only know of like 2 people on this tribe, sayonara it's a wrap a mere 5 minutes after the cast reveal concluded.

Omg! So this game started and i landed on a short witches tribe.. Maybe we are short but the humor around Helgamine is definitely tall. Love my tribemates! They are a bunch of really chill and fun to talk to people. At this stage of the game my goal is to get a good grasp on the already existing pre-game relationships within people. This knowledge will allow me to know what to say and to who. Other than that i'm focused on developing bonds with people without approaching them with gametalk. A pretty slow start for me, i don't need at all to jump into making alliances left and right. It's the beginning so its important to just leave a good (and non threatning) impression on my  tribemates.Those people seem to want to CALL a lot during the day JASHDKGAHD and i'm still exhausted from study group calls for exams so.. i'm not gonna be trying to do a lot of that. I'm however really excited for what's this game is going to bring up <3

_______________________________________________________________

Gonna do my own first impressions as well, to put some of my thoughts together.

Daisy - oh how i love her.. She's so positive and adorable. We have a pending plan for a call and I'm really looking forward to it. She's more experienced in discord ORGs than me and we are both BaR winners so.. we gotta work together. At least for now. She seems like someone that would be a bigger threat than me down the road.. I feel like we have a potential to work together well and I'd want to establish a duo with her and be partners in crime in this tribe. <3

Scott - OMG the only person in this whole cast that i actually knew before this game? we didn't talk in like 4 years but when i saw him in this cast i literally gasped. I enjoyed catching up with him and he is definitely someone i could see myself aligning with. Yesterday we shared each other concerns about a mention of alliances and alliance calls. And neither of us  introduced gametalk with other tribemates. He also mentioned that he wants me to be his #1 in this game. And i'm digging that!

Rob - OKAY our conversation on day 1 was p much awkward.. We have a mutual friend from the fb org and he was mad at me for winning an ORG over her and he literally didn't hestitate on letting me know that.. But we talked a lot yesterday and found out many common interests. He wants us to be like Fenella and Shonee and i mean why not? I really like talking to him but i'm not sure if i can trust him yet. He's the first person that reached out to me about doing a call and we did one today LMAO i had a lot of fun. He's definitely very social so keeping him as close as possible to me can only bring me some benefits. stan him tho <3

Seamus - Someone who i saw around forever but never had any opportunity to talk or meet his ass.  i just vibe w/ his clowny personality and already called him a caveman and a half british. <3 hoping to build a good connection here.

Logan - Funny and very active. He definitely stands out as he talks the most in the tribe chat and plans all the tribe calls. We had some good convos so far, mainly about total drama. Love watching his videos for this immunity challenge KSAJDHG but other than that i'm not sure how i feel about him but i would like to get close to him and work together when the game gears will switch on

Jules - She's so adorable and our talks are very cute but... they don't happen very often.  And she's not really contributing in the challenge so far which i really hope is going to change because in case we lose i fear that people will view her as an easy prey for the first boot? I hope that won't be the case and that she's going to snap cuz i think she's lovely and i enjoy our conversations.

Conor - Didn't have much to write about him until today. He just dyed his hair to the same color i got last summer so we have no choice but to stan. For real tho, we are the only europeans on this tribe (maybe even entire game?) but i don't have much to say about him. Curious how he will approach the game once we are forced to start playing.

Gage - Hmmmm! I like him, but don't really have any kind of trust towards him. He's just quite flirty and the flow of our conversations is weird/forced? I can't stop thinking abt Dean Kowalski and Spencer whenever he messages me.. It's like he's their survivor child.

Vincent - Great he immediately brought up his twin brother with who i played twice and ended him... twice as well. I literally have no idea how or what to talk about with him :/

Hmm the challenge is almost over

I definitely wasn't a challenge MVP by any means. I think everyone but Scott outscored me. But I did a lot better than I could have expected at the challenge start. 65 points isn't a Dooze-level score but it's a lot better than the 30 points I was expecting earlier.

Click HERE to watch Billy’s Round 1 Video!

Lol I'm super happy to be apart of this season!! So far it's turning out to be a great one and I'm hoping that I can do what I need to in order to get far.

Not gonna lie I just had a feeling we were gonna lose this challenge. Like I just... stink at challenges and knew I wasn't going to do well. So I just made sure I didn't have the worst score. Which I hope puts me in the clear. However, i lowkey get the vibe I might be going just cause the conversations are so... bland. Like no ones come purposing an alliance and such. I know I don't want to be the first person to do so, which means someone's gonna have to step up.

Anyways, here's my thoughts on everyone.

Szymon: he's cool, definitely my #1 out here, we've known each other from previous orgs and such. Seamus: I know who he is from tumblr,  but I don't know him that well. he seems chill. Daisy: Queen, shes an icon and O hope she can be my female iconic duo Logan: He seems like he wants to be THAT person who likes to be in control of everything, but doesn't want to come off as controling everything. So I let him think he owns me :) Vincent: I like him, he's a cool guy and one of the few I've talked to the most. He already told me about his vote steal and I'm just like "damn, look at you go!" Conor: He's cool too! I enjoy talking to him when I wake up in the morning. I like hearing about him and his boyfriend too. Gage: home boy likes to flirt around with everyone doesn't he. i'll play a long, but leaving a mental note to not go far with him. Jules: They're cool, not really that social tho but they try. Rob: I forget that he's on this season oops.

I really thought I was gonna get the boot first cause everyone is just so quiet. But the conversations seem to be between Jules and Vincent. Which I'm personally okay with either of them as long as I'm still here. I'd prefer Rob though just cause he doesn't make an effort to talk to me that much, but it is what it is.

Let's hope I get by this round and can survive the first boot. I like to think I can, but you never know with this group.

Click HERE to watch Cindi’s Round 1 Video!

Click HERE to watch Dylan G’s Round 1 Video!

Tribe Assessment:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bPt3M2z-Yw&feature=youtu.be

Day 2 Confession:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GU2v9ChlOm4&feature=youtu.be

THESE MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA SAY IM NOT ACTIVE JUST BECAUSE I DONT GIVE MY BLOOD SWEAT TEARS AND COOCHIE TO TALKING TO ALL THESE FUCKING MEN???????? LIKE???? YALL ARE TIRING! YALL ARE ALSO LOVELY BUT I CANNOT TAKE ALL THIS MALE ENERGY!!!!! PLS UNDERSTAND!!!! P L E A S E!!!! MEN SUCK BYE

we lost the challenge which sucked. but i really like my tribe. everyone seems chill. i didnt think we were gonna win the challenge though becase several people didnt rlly try to even get 100. so originally i thought it would just be a super easy vote on vincent because he isnt very chatty, but logan is annoying everyone. asking to one on one call and sinking his own ship by pushing so hard (giggity) for jules to go home. so i think either logan or vincent will go this round

I’m liking my tribe mates more than I expected. I’m just trying to play it cool so I make it to merge. I feel like that’s everyone’s goal. I love the alliance of Cindi, both Dylan’s and myself. I’m hoping that we stick together, because I feel like we can be a really strong alliance moving forward. I also think I might be good with Beck, because they’re dating Asya and we played a game together a couple years ago. Asya apparently still really likes me from what Beck said. So woo! Let’s continue the good vibes.

Click HERE to watch Beck’s Round 1 Video!

Click HERE to watch Ali’s Round 1 Video!

So past 4 hours is a lot to process, but basically i got home expecting a pretty easy vote on Vincent. He's a great kid that but have to think about performing well in the challenges as a tribe. So then miss Logan decided to play as if it was merge and not day 3 and just went off with targetting Jules?? I am not having any of that because Jules is too fun to talk so i made sure to let Jules know immediately of what was going on. I believe i was the first to warn her of what's happening so that brings us two closer. Logan then went on calls with everyone individually, ending my call in such a shady way with an excuse of having a dinner... when he was just going to call with Seamus. And he told Seamus that he was currently eating the dinner.. WHAT? Anyway just got the tea that Logan was making multiple trios as well. WHY DO YOU NEED TO PLAY SO HARD? THIS GAME HAS JUST STARTED skjdghd

I feel really bad because he said that he was the first boot the last time he played due to playing hard. But this is just him... not learning from his past mistakes at all :/ Im sorry but i don't feel comfortable moving forward with such a ticking bomb. Neither he or Vincent have any benefit for my game at this point so Im hoping this plan that we put in motion with Daisy to get rid of Logan works, and then we have Vincent as an easy vote next time we lose.

Click HERE to watch Rob’s Round 1 Video!

Click HERE to watch Conor’s Round 1 Video!

Click HERE to watch Dylan’s Round 1 Video!

So I'm more optimistic now that I've properly gotten to know a lot of my tribe, I think I'm socially in a good place but I'm trying not to get ahead of myself and get lazy with communication. I love the little group I've got with Beck, Cindi and Dylan and I think Dylan G and Christian or Chips would fit in like a glove if we ever visit tribal council, and we needed to bring in another couple of people.

All I have to say before tribal is that I really... finessed this vote.

Logan got lose and decided to voice call everyone telling them that they need to vote Daisy. Which made a lot of people more on edge to vote out Vincent. I don't want Vincent to go because I think he's still useful. He has the vote steal advantage and I think he's someone who trusts me. He might not be a number for other people, but Vincent is a number for me. SO I want to keep him around as much as I can cause I trust Vincent more than Logan. So to save Vincent, I decided to throw Logan under the bus and push for him to go. I'm glad I did that since that got traction with Szymon and Daisy on board with voting Logan. However, they weren't enough so I campaigned to Seamus, Gage, and Rob to vote Logan out. They were hesitant at first, but they eventually came around and got on the ship to vote Logan out. I had to voicecall Gage, Rob, and Szymon to convince them but I'm glad it worked. I mean, i had to throw out there that I had an alliance with Logan and Vincent in order to get them to expose Logan's other alliances, but I did what I needed to do in order to save Vincent. So with everyone on board to vote out Logan, I think I set myself up to be in a good spot moving forward.

If I'm gonna be the move maker this season, then I guess I'm starting out the game with one of the biggest moves yet. Poor logan being the first boot AGAIN, but that's what happens when you decide to scramble your butt off.

Click HERE to watch Gage’s Round 1 Video!

__________________________________________________ 

Logan is voted out 8-1. He is the first person voted out of Celestial: Behemoth.

Watch the Round 1 Cast Assessment with Anna/Jack/Jones & Alyssa below:

#episode #superspooky

[k-trashimagines]

Wonwoo!Soulmate AU

requested: Could I please request a Wonwoo Soulmate! AU? Thanks for writing and sharing your hard work with all of us ~~~

thank u for the request and aa sorry, this was probably requested 250 yrs ago but hey! better late than never!! also, i havent proof read this yet so sorry for any mistakes and typos!! i will edit it later!! 

u were super excited bc its ur 18th birthday tomorrow !! and that means u will finally get to kno who ur soulmate is !!!!!

basically when u turn 18 the first thing that was said to u by ur soulmate is written on ur wrist

and honestly u didn’t even care that it was ur birthday all u cared abt was knowing who ur soulmate is

it was killing u not knowing who ur soulmate is while ur older friends, such as wonwoo, already know who their soulmate is

although for some reason wonwoo will not let u meet his soulmate or show u the words written on his wrist ?? he always says that it’s a secret and that his soulmate is too busy for u to meet them which was strange

but u didn’t think abt it too much its wonwoo’s life and his soulmate,,, even though u lowkey have had a huge crush on him since yall were like 15 yrs old,, but whatever

anyways u went to sleep that night feelin very anxious but excited bc of this whole soulmate thing

fast forward to the morning,,,

u were woken up by loud cheering and people singing “happy birthday” while holding a small cupcake and throwing around balloons

the culprits of the singing and the balloons were ur family and a few best friends including wonwoo!

u were so surprised bc u weren’t expecting to be woken up to this and u almost started tearing up bc u were touched that they even did this until one of ur close friends yelled out “sO WHAT IS WRITTEN ON UR WRIST???”

u couldn’t believe that u almost forgot since u were thinking about this moment since u found out about soulmates

u slowly looked down towards ur wrist to see a huge ass sentence written on ur wrist “i accidentally stepped on ur dogs foot does he understand it was an accident??”

and u literally gASPED OUT LOUD bc u remember who said this to u

a little flashback,,,

ur 14 yrs old and were walking your dog at the dog park while ur parents watched nearby

and a boy ran past u and must have accidentally stepped on ur dogs tail bc ur dog yelped

the boy literally ran back to u so fast,, he apologised to the dog and said to u “i accidentally stepped on ur dogs foot does he understand it was an accident??”

and u laughed a little and said “im sure he understands that it was an accident!!” and then bent down to pat ur dogs head

u stood back up and looked at the boy properly,,, u thought that he was actually kinda cute

“thank god i didn’t want ur dog thinking that im a monster!! anyways uhh,, im wonwoo! whats urname? lets be friends!” he held his hand out for u to shake

u smiled at him and shook his hand “my name is y/n! its nice to meet u too”

flashback over,,

ur soulmate… is wonwoo

ucouldn’t believe that the guy that u liked for 4 years is ur soulmate and u wondered why he didn’t tell u this when he found out on his 18th birthday

it did make sense as to why he never told u anything about his soulmate though and the fact that u could never meet up with them

“so?? who was it??” ur parent asked obviously getting impatient with u

u looked up at them and ur eyes found their way to wonwoo

u both locked eyes and u held ur breath for a second bc ur soulmate is literally so breathtaking it would have to take u 100 yrs for u to come to terms that hes actually ur soulmate

“my soulmate…” u started,,, “is wonwoo.”

uR FAMILY AND FRIENDS ARE LITERALLY SHOOKETH and so are u !!!! u were lowkey wishin for this to happen but didnt think it actually would

wonwoo smiled at u and shows his wrist which says “im sure he understands that it was an accident!!” the first words that u had ever said to him...

u were curious as to why he kept it a secret from u and he replied with “i wanted it to be a surprise for u,, this day is a rlly big day and i didnt want to ruin it for u”

u rolled ur eyes and got out of ur bed,, not caring that u probably have bad morning breath and look like a mess bc hes seen u like this so many times

ur friends and fam were lowkey watchin ur every move at this point 

u cupped wonwoo’s face and said “knowing that ur my soulmate in advance wouldnt have ruined my 18th birthday it would have made it even better. but thank u for thinking of me im so glad ur my soulmate”

wonwoo’s smile widens as he looks into ur eyes “im glad ur my soulmate too” 

he slowly leans down and kisses u softly while ur family and friends were giggling n cheering u both on

u pulled away from the kiss and smiled at them bc they were so adorable supporting ur relationship like that

in this moment,,, u were really happy and hoped that there were many more happy moments to come in the future

#wonwoo imagines #wonwoo scenarios #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen #wonwoo #soulmate au #seventeen fluff #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios

[ilygsd]

200918: 1

someone fuck me in the asshole honestly im shocked how can this dude NOT UNDERSTAND??? hes really good at cognitive empathy, he has a nice moral compass he follows ”be kind, be nice” but he cant fucking FEEL what hes doing

and like....... thats important to me??? and apaprebtly NO ONE has ever criticized him for it or whatever? like his ”intentions”?? ofc he cant help he doesnt feel emotional empathy but he literally cant spot the DIFFERENCE!!! he’s like ”as long as im kind and a nice human being” like bitch NOO!!!! i like you!!! you ”like” me, but you like me bc u think im interesting and you think we can learn from each other. which also is important OF COURSE!! but BITCH I LIKE YOU BC I FEEL FOR YOU THATS DIFFERENT

we’ve known each other for like 3 weeks, met 5 times and we’ve already had 3 major fights??? mainly over text/phone but still.... he’s so fycking mean? he really tries to manipulate me that ugly fucking whore!!! he guilt trips me all the fuxking time i cant say anything he’ll explode and i need to apologize or some shit otherwisw it would never end. and i know what the fuck he’s doing because i used to be the exact same. honestly we are similar in many aspecrs EXCEPT for the ”feel”-part. i feel TOO MUCH. and the difference is that im not manipulating him.... because i KNOW i cant. i know he’d see right through me, there’s no POINT

like i used to be like that too, maybe i still am. i ALWAYS win fights, no mercy. its like i turn off my empathy during fights but AT LEAST i feel AFTERWARDS!!! he doesnt. he realize he did wrong bc of his ”morality”. bitch i could CRY, because he literally scolded me over phone when i was on the bus and there was NOTHING i could do to stop him. i tried to talk to him but he only continues cus i fkn refuse to oBEY HIS ORDERS??? but i cant hang up either cus then he’d never talk to me again and i’d feel like shit......

he’s pretty calm irl, ive never seen him angry irl and i hope i never will holy SHIT!!! he’s so good at hurting, like he turns everything youve ever said to him against you. he’s so fucking good at it cus he’s so god damn good at reading people. thats what makes him so charming. i DONT UNDERSTAND how can his precious girlfriends not have CARED??? apparently i’m the first to criticize him and one of the few to trigger him and im like..... bruh how?? i literally dont say anything and you fucking explode?? are your family and friends blind??? are you doing this to me because you THINK the manipulation will work??

also...... he sees it as something positive that sick bastard. hes like ”well i think this could be good” and im like ”uhhhh bitch it is I who get scolded???” and hems like ”but i feel and too :((” he’s such a fkn dumbass. this is his politics too. he believes in reverse racism and is probably sexist too smhhh. i was like ”are u dumb, u hit me in the face and tell me its bad for you too bc u feel vad abt hitting me??”

i am impressed by how he chose to ve ”kind” or whatever instead of psycho even though i still think he’s selfish and does it for his own gain aka he LOVES to learn things, experience things. he’s very ambitious, energetic and curious. but he doesnt understand. he’s like ”well im kind to you thats all that matters?”

the thing is, he’s not even kind??? he basically forced me to taste his disgusting vanilla coffee OTHERWISE he would take the blanket away??? he sees it as teasing and it kind of is yeah..... if i didnt know that his 1000% serious?? he honestly think its a ducking compromose?? im lile ”uhh a improvisera would be for me to taste a little coffee and then you to give me another blanket or AT LEAST stop nagging”

and when i finally tasted the ugly coffee he wanted to know if i thought it was good and i said ”yeah its ok” bc im not a liar, it was better than expected. and hes like ”thats all i wanted to hear” I KNOW BITCH, YOURE NOT THAT FUCKING SLICK ITS PRETTY FKN OBVIOUS

also he always adds rules??? everythings always on his conditions? also he kinda thinks i should be thankful for him not being an asshole??? or maybe its that i actually VRITICIZE his intentions. yeah i think that brothers him. i think he thinks it entertaining because he doesnt care when he get angry. i didnt use to either. i could just forget te fight and move on, it wasnt important to me. but fuck now when i KNOW what its like......

im like ”ur threatening me to drink coffee” and hes like ”arent u happy i put extra much vanilla for you?? i usually drink much stronger but i didnt for u? arent u happy i gave u the blanket? i actually was goong to put it on the couch and leave u cold but i didnt?” BUT HE ONLY PUT ECTRA VANILLA SO I WPULD TELL HIM IT TASTES GOOD SO HIS EGO CAN BE BOOSTED

calso he kinda forced me to drink alohol?? i was like ”im feeling like shit if i throw up its tour fault and you will have to clean up” and he’s like ”no you’ll have to clean up” BITCH I SONT EVEN WANT TO DRINK YOURE PUSHING ME

soooo many red flags fuck i really SHOULD leave now when i can and now when im not too emotionally invested. but oMG IM SO CURIOUS!!! we’re so similar yet so different!!! we can relate to each other in some ways the bad thing is that since he actually cant FEEL empathy, he doesnt BELEIVE me even when i tell him the truth. im not sad bc i want to manipulate him. im not even sad that his words are huetful even though they are, because i know he’s fucking weong. im sad because he treats me lile this. im sad because i like HIM!!! i genuinely LIKE HIM!! but he doesnt fucking understand?? he doesnt understand the difference between LIKING someone and LIKING to HANG OUT with someone. i like him because i like HIM I FEEL HIM, he only likes to hang out with me.

he talks about this as ”his way” and ”bot traditional” way of feeling. his version and definition of ”love” and ”affvtion” is so fucking weird??? we were cuddling and he said ”wow u make me feel more” LMAO BULLSHIT. I CALL FUCKING BULLSHIT YOU ONLY SAY THAT CUS U THINK THATS WHAT I WANT TO HEAR

im partly okay with him being low empathy, he cant help it and i actually genuinely believe he believes he’s doing the RIGHT thing. like he believes it so much and... i guess he is?? like what choice does he have? he cant fucking feel, the least he can do is be kind anyways. he cant help that its not genuine and i guess i’ll have to accept that, but i al NOT GOING TO FALL FOR THOSE CHEAP TRICKS. i didnt say anything but i bet he would even understand if i pointed it out. he’d be like ”but its true!! i feel more with you” no bitch, you only say/think that because you WANT to be with me and now when you know thats what i want to hear thats what you say. smhhh

also i remember in the beginning when i kinda confessed and he was like ”it takes time for me to like someone” and in like???? uhhh okay? and i was anxious abt it cus i really didnt understand what the fuck we were and he just kept ”it takes time for me to like someone” to i was like ”okay but its not like im super super deeply in love with you or anything?? like.... i can like people??” BUT NOW I FUCKING UNDERSTAND HE LITERALLY MEANS BASIC ASS EMPATHY. IT TAKES TIME FOR HIM TO FEEL BASIC ASS EMPATHY FOR OTHER PEOPLE

i just dint understand how the fuck he’s able to still have a family and friends and stuff. how..... how can no one care??? i said ”theyre being manipulated” and hes like ”no i just dont think they care. they just like that im kind and dont think much abt it” but both youre not kind??? but when i tell im its not genuine he goes with the ”well we’re all egoists anyqays, we’re all doing things for ourselves, ur egoist too” yeah but i can still FEEL

i dont wanna be a dick. maybe its just me?? maybe its just because i feel so much and thats why i really NEED that genuine feeling?? no, i know why...... fuCK ME!!! i CARE because i like him 😔😔 bc i think hes so smart and interesring and i see him as someone potential and thats why i keep test him like this 😔 and its for no use because i cant change who he is 😔😔 would i care about these things with some other guy??? no. because i sont care abt them, but i care abt him and thats why 😔😔

hes not even guilt tripping me for it (wow ”yay” ) he just doesnt understand. he doesnt understand the difference or why i find it important. he just sees it as ”him being different” and ”him feeling in another way”. thats not it. this is not normal. this is because of childhood trauma and im so fucking sad for you, no offense, youre doing tour best but thats so sad

well anyways, even if i were to accept his WEIRD ASS DEFINITION OF LOVE he STILL needs to fucking stop with his abuse??????!!!! out of the 3 fights he has told me 2 times he’s going to ”try” but bitch WE KNOW HE WONT. HE CANT! HE CANT BECAUSE HE CANT FEEL WHEN ITS ENOUGH. IF HE FELT EMPATHY HE WOULD KNOW WHEN TO STOP. BUT HE CANT. im just waiting for him to explode someday. i literally asked him ”what should i do next time” and he’s like ”idk, i cant tell you what to do”. omg its true. theres nothing i can do, he’d still be so pissed at me no matter what. and me just asking him is such a BIG RED FLAG like we ALL KNOW.... or not him. he’s like ”maybe we wont fight” LMAO HAHAH YEA BITCH NICE TRY BUT WE WILL BC U START IT

hes so fucking sensitive. we had a misunderstanding, he started to scold me, i got mad and he kept gaslighting ”no i didnt scold you” and when i called him out on gaslighhting..... oh boy...... he got SO FUCKING MA, accuses ME of gaslighting him?? accuses me of ”starting” it with my ”passie aggressiveness” ok maybe i was passive aggressive but i WOULDNT IF HE DIDNT SCOLD ME ABOUT IT. i cant ever criticize him because he goes bananas. ok maybe im not the best to criticize others, im very....... bold. BUT I KNOW IM RIGHT??

last time he got angry because i said ”ppl listen to you bc ur a white man” and he started to bring up his childhood, told me im insensitive, theeatened me to hang up, never talk to me again if i didnt ”respect” him aka ”obey” him, he guilt truppen me, told me no one would want to me with me blah blah blah

a part of me is happy u dont really fall for that bullshit. like yes if course im HURT!!! but as i said, im not really hurt because he really is trying to hurt me. he really WANTS to hurt me. he even takes pride in it?? ”im very good at making people feel very good, and im very good at making people feel very bad” it makes me so FRUSTRATED BECAUSE I LIKE HIM I WANT HIM TO SEE AND UNDERSTAND SO HE CAN GROW, THAT IS EMPATHY PEOPLE, THAT IS GENUINE LOVE

we’re so different. we use completely different tactics. when i used to manipulate my ex.... i NEVER did personal attacks like he does. i never used smth personal AGAINST them.... i was more about.... guilt tripping? more about ”u dont love me, pity me”. im not saying thats good, i was horrible but what he does is just MEAN. i dont understand how anyone can keep up with that kind of behavior. i even told him when we fought and he responded ”well i need to keep up with u”. he always does that and that actually hurts because i like him. and he knows that. he always says ”ive been sitting here, listening to you, been kind to you and....” etc. etc

WHYYYYYY am i the only one criticizing him?? WHY is he like this to me? is it because i see through his ugly acting?? is it even possible for us to ever be healthy together? we can learn from each other, no doubt. but is it healthy???

when i tell him i feel bad bc of horrible manipulative and emotional abusive things ive done he understand but hes like...... ”thats ok dont be so hard on yourself, just learn, everyone makes mistakes” but like no?? THIS IS NOT OKAY!!! he also keeps saying i’ll become like him and like ”stop caring” bc ”we cared too much before” but NO I DONT WANT TO BECOME LIKE YOU!! I ADMIRE YOUR THINKING SKILLS AND ID LIKE TO LEARN SOME OF THAT BC WERE POLAR OPPOSITES YOU THINK, I FEEL. YOU CANT FEEL, I CANT THINK AND HANDLE MY FEELINGS

i dont WANT to. thats the difference. im not satisfiera!!! i told him i dont want to apologize to my ex best friend (who i treated like shit) until it feels GENUINE and hes like ”pfft... its better than nothing. she wont know if its genuine anyways” and im like bitch.... i WANT to be genuine because i think she would appreciate it more and I would feel better about it and hes like ”oh so its cus u wanna feel good about it” OH MY GOD HES SO ANNOYING

i really should pack mt bags and run. why did i have to fall for him UGHHHHH. why do i let him treat me like this when i’d never let ANYONE else do it. its so weird, im very picku with guys. i dont fall for ANYONE. i ALWAYS pick nice and kind guys so why him? i thought he was nice, yeah fair enough, but i still like him even though he isnt? i dont think its me being awfullt desperate, i really wouldnt let anyone be like this. like BOY HE BEKIEVES IN FUXKING REVERSE RACISM DO YALL THINK I WOULD HANG IUT WITH SOMEONE LIKE THAT??? or maybe i am desperate. yes i am. im desperate for the connection i feel. thats kinda sad. i feel a strong bond to/with him, i feel like we’ve been through some things and i still look up to him and how he has recovered. he gives me hope that i can also be happy one day. I DONT WANT TO BE LIKE HIM but i still want to learn from him. and i sont think i will ve like him because im not a sociopath. i just want to take the good stuff and then become better

omg i really am similar to him. im really here feeling superior. i do feel superior because i can feel. i feel superior and a part of me wants to use him. hes a real challenge. i dont think i can maniplate him, it would be amazing to have him feel something for me...... IH MY GOD THIS IS SUCH A FUCKING MESS. NO THIS IS NOT IT. I DO LIKE HIM IM NOT LIKE HIM. IM NOT THAT FUCKED UP

i get really annoyed when he claims im similar that i also want to control and manipulate and im like NO BITCH WERE SIMILAR BUT NOT HERE, like not when im trying to be calm and grown up and have us silver things, not when im crying because he huet my feelings but................ maybe hes right. or maybe hes just manipulating me??? maybe its both. ofc its both. i WAS HURT, i actually HAD anxiety!!!! if that bastard could feel, he would have known it was GENUIKE. AND HE WOULD HAVE KNOWN IM TRYING TO BE CALM AND AN ASULR BECAUSE HE SURE AS HELL FUXKING ISNT AND I ACTUALLY LIKE YOU BITCH I WANT TO SOLVE THIS FOR MY OWN SAKW TOO SO I CAN BE WITH YOU WITHOUT FEELING LIKE A CHEAP WHORE WITH NO SELF RESPECT.... BUT YES OF COURSE I WANTED HIM TO FEEL FOR ME TOO. IT DISTURBS ME SO MUCH THAR I DONT HAVE AN EFFECT ON HIM HEA LIKE A STONE AND OFC IF ANYONE SAW US FIGGT I’D LOOK LIKE THE CALM ONE. hes wrong though bc i used to think like that too with my ex bff. i used to think damn shes only like that so she can feel superior to be and humiliate me but no. she was right. she was more mature than me and she did what she had to do AND THATS WHAT IM DOIKG TO SO FUCK YOU

only way for me to manipulate him would be sexually. he’s that pathetic. a fucking horny dick, thats what he is. but it wouldnt even be manipulation because honestly if hes that fucking horny then its his choice. its not like i’d ever r*pe him, i dont even wanna have sex with him that guy has some HIGH STANDARDS i feel like a virgin next to him but since im not he would also expect more smh. i dont even dare to kiss him back. im only used to virgins so they dont have any experience lmao but... fuck i cant this time

he’s so cockt though for real. he brags about this and that all the time which is kind of his charm..... if it wasnt for the fact that hes always so competitive and serious LMAO. like it would really hurt his ego if i questioned him. imagine me telling him his sex, kisses, brain/psychology or smth was bad. i swear to god he would want to scold me and call me some real nasty things but he probably wouldnt

#diary #jo