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lu-zifera · 2 years

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..es muss enden.

Du musst damit aufhören, mir zu schreiben. Zu schreiben, mitten in der Nacht - nach wochenlanger Ruhe.

Ich bin mal wieder so weit, dass du nicht mehr 24/7 permanent bist - die Gedanken an dich nachlassen.

& als würdest du es ahnen, kommt wieder eine Meldung aus dem nichts. & genau diese bringt mich tagelang zum Denken.

An Dich & uns - an alles was nie war.

Lass es bitte einfach

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symphonyofsilence · 7 months

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Among the heirs of the great sects, Jiang Cheng is the most balanced one. LWJ is too rigid (and frankly a very unfortunate diplomat), NHS only fucks around, JZX is...well,...JZX. Jiang Cheng, on the other hand, is responsible, serious when it comes to his sect and duties, very competent, good with politics (better than both his parents), has a strategic mind, is respectful to the people of other sects, and is a good representative for his sect, but at the same time when he's not being "a representative for his sect" and is among friends and family, he smuggles drinks to CR and gets drunk with NHS & WWX, he sneaks out of CR and goes to the nearby restaurant, he keeps bantering with WWX while at the same time being an accomplice in all his shenanigans and getting in trouble with him, he runs away from his mother along with his shixiong and their shidi into a boat and starts fighting with WWX in the waters where everyone cheers them on and they steal lotus seeds from a poor farmer.

He was really being a teenage boy before the war took that away from him. And even then this bad boy was totally okay with WWX's dark magic stuff and the black clouds and crows and rotten resentful corpses that followed WWX around.

#mdzs #I'd say if you think JC is uptight you've been gaslit by WWX but even WWX didn't think JC was uptight we get all the aforementioned info #From WWX #So just where did the assumption that JC is uptight come from #Bc as a sect leader in the middle of a war and a traumatised teenager who's lost all his family #being serious about the war and avenging the dead family and navigating trauma is definitely not being uptight #cql #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #chen qing ling #the grandmaster of demonic cultivation #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #nie huaisang #jiang wanyin #my two cents

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lgbtlunaverse · 10 months

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Could someone tell me where the interpretation that, in book canon, the promotion Nie Mingjue gives Meng Yao made Meng Yao's life worse than it was before, came from?

I have seen that claim made multiple times now and I've looked at the text over and over trying to see where the basis for it is and I. Can't find it? Don't get me wrong, it absolutely spells out that it does not and cannot fix everything for Meng Yao, but the idea that it was actively bad for him?

Lacking other evidence, I kind of have to assume that it comes from cql canon being sort of projected backwards onto book canon. In cql canon, meng yao is suffering active and explicit bullying and abuse from the captain while under the nie, and does so because the capain believes he has risen above his station via nmj's promotion of him. (In book canon this... isn't happening. It happens with the captain in Langya instead) However, in cql canon he has also been with the nie for years and is openly close to both Nie Mingjue and Nie Huasiang, whereas in book canon he has only been working with nie mingjue for a few months (though has, in that time, apparently become close enough to him for Lan Xichen to explicitly state Meng Yao is able to calm nmj down in ways no one else can? Ofc he does this... Right after that stops being true. But. Food for thought. Not what this post is about tho.) So, if you project the much more explicit abuse from the nie sect captain in cql back on novel jgy who has a presumably much less stable position in the sect overall you get... a meng yao for whom the promotion only means a bigger target on his back and virtually no protection from nmj, who we must assume he can't trust to talk to his about because he never mentions it. (This also explicitly violates book canon when it comes to meng yao's general behaviour, we'll talk about that in a sec)

And look. We all do frankencanon in this house. I get it. And for fanfiction that is very fun. But for a serious reading of the character, his situation, and the actions that lead from that this... doesn't make much sense, in my opinion.

So. Why is that? Why did I say this was out of character for the novel? Because Meng yao spoke up about the jin captain mistreating him. Multiple times! It's just that none of it mattered because no one cared to listen to him. This is a pretty important line for his character because it flatly shows that meng yao is not and has never seen murder as something trivial. He's not trigger happy. He will only do it if he sees no other way out that doesn't end in himself being seriously harmed. (Whether he's right or justified in these cases is not the point of this post.)

If anything remotely similar was happening in the Nie sect, he would have said so. Cql Meng Yao doesn't do this because cql Meng Yao is a different character, and also the plot wouldn't work if he did. Cql Nie Mingjue, by extension, comes off as a fundamentally less trustworthy figure in cql Meng Yao's life because apparently for whatever reason, he cannot be trusted with the information that the deputy he has already publicly defended is still being harassed, and doesn't notice even when it is really blatant. The assumtpion the audience is given is that, like a middle schooler getting the principal involved when being bullied, it would only make the harassment more viscious.

This... actually has a somewhat solid basis in the book. Because after nmj yells at the bullies in question Wei Wuxian says this.

And it is important to keep in mind that this is Wei Wuxian saying this. Not Meng Yao, not an omniscient narrator. Wei wuxian is drawing on his own experiences, likely from the Jiang family, to conclude that if someone is angry at you and thwarted by someone defending you, this generally does not make them less angry at you.

This is leaving out two crucial things, though.

Firstly, this worry isn't about the promotion at all.

The promotion hasn't even been brought up. In the novel it doesn't ctually happen immediately, it takes another few battles where meng yao continues to do his job well and nie mingjue continues praising him for him to eventually go "yeah, you deserve a raise."

This is another aspect that is being projected from cql canon onto book canon I presume, because it does happen quite quickly there, and it's a throwaway line in the books so it's easy to miss. I can't be mad about anyone forgetting the difference, but it is important to mention for this particular analysis.

Which is the second point: change in status

Wei Wuxian couldn't exactly change status within the Jiang family. (And if he could, that would just fuel rumours that he was jfm's bastard even more and make madam yu even angrier at him, etc etc.)

This isn't comparable to Meng Yao. The worry Wei Wuxian is talking about is explitly about Nie Mingjue's initial very loud defense of him. Before he has any idea Nie Mingjue is going to promote him.

Promoting him would likely decrease his chances of cultivators coming after him because now he was in a higher standing in the sect than they were. If applied to that earlier metaphor of middle school bullying it's like if the bullied kid suddenly got hired as a teacher. Which. Doesn't work with the metaphor at all. Touché. But what I am trying to say is that any payback they would have planned for him relied on the fact that they could make sure that Nie Mingjue wasn't going to be within very convenient earshot a second time, and as a random disciple Meng Yao couldn't just go complain to him every time.

But as his right hand man? Who spends most of his time working directly alongside him? Lmao. Good luck. Oh, sure, it is very likely that they feel offended a son of a whore has been raised in status above them, and many will continue to do so as jgy rises through cultivation society (in fact, Wei Wuxian's observations are absolutely on point for how Madam Jin will be treating jgy later on). But as we can also see from the way jgy is treated and how he treats others throughout the story: you can be upset all you want, but if that person is higher than you in status there's jack shit you can do about it.

If I am correct and Wei Wuxian is basing this on his experiences with the Jiang family, it makes sense why he'd miss this. Madam Yu gets to be way angrier at Jiang Fengmian as his wife than some random disciples can be at Nie Mingjue. Insulting Meng Yao, suggesting that he didn't deserve his promotion or that he earned it through less than proper means (you know who is mother is) is also an insult to Nie Mingjue and the way he chooses to run his sect. They can't do that.

Another thing I see brought up in this regard would be the tea scene. There may be no explicit harassment like in the show, but cultivators still don't respect him! The disrespect is just quieter and more subtle.

Tiny detail: these are actually not Nie cultivators

They're cultivators Lan Xichen is escorting with him, making a pitstop in heijan.

The book confirms this by basically outright stating that this is the first time they see his face, and recognize him as Jin Guangshan's bastard son.

Now, just because there is no proof that it happened doesn't mean it definitely never happened. Mdzs is a novel that often leaves stuff out or up to interpretation. Similar stuff to the tea situtation could very well be happening in the background. But I do think it is pretty significant that there is no mention whatsoever of Meng Yao having any negative treatment from Nie cultivators betwen him and Nie Mingjue meeting and him executing them while spying for Wen Ruohan, and the most we get is Wei Wuxian's personal speculation, after which he immediately goes to wax poetic about how surprised he is that Meng Yao and Nie Mingjue are getting along super well.

And, again, novel Meng Yao would have said something. He doesn't say anything about the tea scene. - Or? Does he? Notably 3zun have some very long in depth conversations that Wei Wuxian zones out from because he's busy thinking about Lan Zhan again. But let's not rely on what-ifs. Let's say that neither he nor Lan Xichen find it worth bringing up. Major reasons for that would be that a) these are not nie cultivators, nie mingjue wouldn't really have the authority to scold them. Especially because b) it's such a subtle offense it could easily be handwaved as coincidence. "They just always brush their cups clean like that!! It's wartime you know, and they were traveling! They're used to drinking from vessels that aren't thoroughly washed everytime! It's just a habit!" And would therefore not be worth reporting.

But anything worse than that? A "price tens or hundreds of times greater" like wwx mentions? He'd report it! I do understand that "well if it was happening why didn't he say something?" would, in real life, be victim blaming. This is not real life, and I am not talking about this in a matter of blame. If Meng Yao was being mistreated in the Nie and stayed silent about it, it would still not be his fault. I am talking about this in a manner of character consistency.

His admission of seeking help in the Jin sect shows that at that time and prior to it (a very good argument can be made that he loses faith in this idea) he believes that if he is being mistreated and someone with the authority to say something about it takes his side, things can improve. If Nie Mingjue standing up for him in Qinghe only made things worse, he would not have tried to ask for help in an even more hostile environment. You can call Meng Yao many things, but naïve isn't one of them.

Meng yao's later habit of completely isolating himself and lying to everyone around him comes from the fact that revealing his suffering would mean explaining several horrible things he's become complicit in and he does not feel safe admitting to that. But he's done nothing wrong here!

The reading where he says nothing would imply an either correct or incorrect belief in Meng Yao's eyes that Nie Mingjue did not much care for his wellbeing or safety. Oh sure he defended him once but doing so again multiple times would be such a bother. This also contradicts his later behaviour, where he banks solely on Nie Mingjue's protective instincts to seal his qi and escape during the confrontation in Langya. After having been caught murdering a man, he is still convinced Nie Mingjue will immediately try to help him when he is in serious danger.

And even if you very badly want to characterize Nie Mingjue as a blundering idiot who is apparently less trustworthy in Meng Yao's eyes than the jin cultivators who had already resoundly rejected him by the time he tries to ask for help with the langya captain. He doesn't say anything to Xichen either! Lan Xichen, who has explicitly and exhaustively been portrayed as kind and understanding to Meng Yao's circumstances and very willing to talk to Mingjue if Meng Yao wants something from him he doesn't otherwise think he'd get. The conversation Mingjue overhears where Meng Yao's new position in the Nie is explictly brought up would be kind of the perfect time to go "yeah I've been promoted but I'm not treated well by other soldiers" aaaand. Nothing. So unless you come to the conclusion that Meng Yao trusted the Jin he told about the captain's abuse more than Lan Xichen you kind of have to conclude that Meng Yao's treatment after his promotion improved significantly. And that even if people still disliked him they could not openly do anything about it because he was high enough in status for that to be socially inappropiate. Which is, explicitly, one of his main motivators over the entire course of the story: Avoiding mistreatment by getting high enough on the social ladder it doesn't matter what people think of him, they can't hurt him.

And I'm not sure how to reconcile that character journey with the idea that he would, at any point, have preferred to keep his head down and stay where he was. When he was so desperate to crawl his way out.

#the main tragedy of his character- of course- being that he keeps achieving that status and it is never enough #he achieves standing with the nie and the favor of a major sect leader and it's not enough for his father to even give him the time of day #he kills wrh amd becomes a war hero and gets acknowledged by his father!!#and all it gets him is nmj's constant distrust abuse at the hands of his stepmother and complicity in mass murder by his father's orders #he gets to the HIGHEST POSITION SOCIETY HAS. LITERAL CHIEF CULTIVATOR. And the moment he stumbles everyone turns on him immediately #like they were all just waiting for him to get low enough again that they could kick him further down #it's a rise-fall-rise-fall-rise-fall journey with every step up being a desperate fight and every tumble down being way too quick and easy #but! that rise still needs to be there!! for the story to work!!#the tragedy of qinghe for meng yao is how easily he loses nmj's fsvor. NOT that having it was bad in the first place #I understand that this reading is mainly done to put nmj in a bad light but I do genuinely think it does jgy a disservice #people more often apply this to him becoming jin guangyao which does in a lot of ways doom and trap him #and yes fuck jgs fuck that guy all the way to hell #but the key is that meng yao can't just get a happy ending by refusing power #he's not power hungry. what he wants is in fact reasonable- he's just willing to do a lot more than most to get it #'things would've been better if nmj didn't promote him/didn't send him to langya'#feels as reductive to me as the 'why can't he just be xichen's house boyfriend and join the lan instead' takes.#mdzs #meng yao #jin guangyao #mdzs meta #? sorta #feels too ranty to call meta #this is what i was talking about in my past post about how frustrating it is to base metas around disagreeing with others #makes analysis feel like discourse when that is NOT what i am trying to do #long post with long tags

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sad-boy-215 · 9 months

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Ich will nicht mehr diese stimmen in meinen ohren haben, nicht mehr diese bilder und gedanken in meinen kopf tragen.

Doch das alles ist schon oke, ich riß mein herz aus meiner brust um mich nicht mehr zu quälen.

Vergangenheit.

#eigenes #depressiv #laute gedanken #herzschmerz #gedanken #stimmen im kopf #erinnerungen #kampf gegen mich selbst #ich war nie gut genug #es tut mir alles so leid #versagt #vergangenheit #kindheit #beziehung #johanna #eltern #bruder

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stiltonbasket · 8 months

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summer camp au lwj is having a sleepover with the nielan twins? they're excited to spend a lot of time with their shufu.

They're also excited about getting to know him! They missed him dreadfully before they got to meet him 🥺

#asks #the baby twins were born during the war and didn't get to meet lwj until several months later #they were very afraid that they wouldn't get to meet him at all ;-; but now they've been reunited!#nie yunhua #nie yunhai

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galli-halli · 1 year

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In der neuen Baywatch Berlin Folge sprechen Klaas, Schmitti und Jakob darüber, wie sie sich kennengelernt haben bzw. wann. Find das immer wieder faszinierend wie lange sich Klaas und Schmitti schon kennen, weit länger als Klaas und Joko. Die Freundschaft der beiden ist wirklich sowas besonderes und so anders als alle anderen. Dass die beiden (und dann Joko) sich gefunden haben, ist echt einfach nur Schicksal. Ich glaub ohne Schmitti hätte es JK so wie sie geworden sind vllt nie gegeben. Könnte stundenlang darüber sinnieren.

Ja! Lasst uns bitte darüber sinnieren und nicht über den Teil der Baywatch-Folge sprechen, bei dem ich schon wieder schreiend vor Unbehagen um den Block rennen wollte. (Klaas, Finger weg von FFs, was soll das denn??????)

Ich finde diese Kombination aus Schmitti, Klaas und Joko so spannend und komplex, weil ohne einen der drei nichts so wäre, wie es heute ist. Neben den ganzen anderen Faktoren mussten sich JK finden und Schmitti musste derjenige sein, der an sie glaubt und sie zu dem macht, was sie sind.

Mittlerweile sind sie zu so einer eingeschworenen Gemeinschaft geworden, dass es ohne einander völlig undenkbar ist. Aus diesem Grund fand ich es auch so interessant (und herzerwärmend), wie sicher sich Joko bei AWFNR damals war, als er gesagt hat, selbst wenn er und Klaas sich getroffen hätten, hat es zusätzlich noch Schmitti benötigt, um ihre Karrieren und Leben derart anzustoßen.

Zwischen den dreien herrscht von außen betrachtet ein so hohes Maß an Wertschätzung, aufrichtiger Zuneigung und Loyalität, aber gleichzeitig teilen sie eben dieses Feuer, von dem Schmitti in der Folge gesprochen hat.

#jk ask #joko und klaas #thomas schmitt #baywatch berlin #generell lieb ich es wenn sie über ihren weg in die branche und ihren beruf reden #ich würde am liebsten alles über klaas und schmittis anfangszeit bei viva erfahren #und bitte. bitte nie wieder ffs vorlesen #langsam mach ich mir sorgen das klaas sich den kopf gestoßen hat #wie war das noch gleich letztes mal als thomas das thema erwähnt hat und klaas ihr*direkt* ausgebremst hat?#anonymous #answered

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feetbelowthesea · 7 months

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Niemand redet über die Tage direkt nach einer Trennung. Wenn man morgens aufwacht und glaubt, alles war ein Albtraum. Wenn man überhaupt schlafen konnte. Es kommt keine „guten Morgen“ Nachricht mehr, man wird nicht gefragt, wie man geschlafen hat. Man weiß nicht, wie es der anderen Person geht, was sie denkt, was sie erlebt. Es ist ein unerträglicher Schmerz, den man am liebsten betäuben würde.

#mine #hasse es einfach alles so sehr #ich hätte nie gedacht #dass es so endet #dass es überhaupt endet #es tut einfach so verdammt weh #und ich versteh es einfach nicht #ich wünschte ich könnte irgendwie meine Emotionen abschalten #dieses Jahr war echt die Hölle lol #well fuck my life i guess

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mostlikelytofangirl · 1 year

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Summary: Thirteen years later, it’s time to go to Gusu.

Characters: Nie Mingjue, Jin Guangyao, Nie Huaisang, Nie Rusong.

Epilogue and final chapter!! A time skip because baby is a big boy now, and his parents are Dealing(tm) with the fact that he is going all alone after all this time of being nieyao’s little pine.

Man, finishing a long fic is always emotional, and surprisingly this one is perhaps the most emotional fic I’ve written for this fandom yet lol. Thank you so much to everybody who read, left kudos and/or comments as those kept me motivated and encouraged ;u;.

#mdzs #nieyao #nie mingjue #jin guangyao #nie huaisang #to think all this began bc I had war baby feels and decided to go what if #it has been a journey lol #again thank you for all the support!#me is writing

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mona-liar · 2 years

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Okay, ich versuche jetzt einfach mal meine Gedanken zu der Frage, ob bzw. warum Leo "leerer" charakterisiert ist als Adam, halbwegs geordnet und verständlich von der Seele runterzuschreiben.

Und der Punkt, an dem ich letztendlich jedes Mal ankomme, ist, dass Adam durch seine Beziehung mit und Verhalten gegenüber einem ganzen Figuren-Netz charakterisiert ist, Leo hingegen fast ausschließlich durch seine Beziehung zu Adam. Und das vermittelt nun einmal einen sehr unausgeglichenen Eindruck bzgl. der Tiefe der Figur und wie viel wir über die beiden als Menschen wissen.

Wenn ich jetzt die drei ersten Folgen überschlage, mit wie vielen Personen Adam vs. Leo aussagekräftige Interaktionen hatten, die mir im Gedächtnis geblieben sind, dann hat man (und für Leo bin ich hier recht großzügig weil die Beziehungen qualitativ eigentlich nicht vergleichbar sind)

Adam -> Leo, Esther, Roland (seinen Vater als Kind und Erwachsener), Heide (seine Mutter, Kind & Erwachsen), Lida Tellmann, Bernhard Hofer, Boris (Patenonkel und Kindheits-Vertrauensperson) [7] Leo -> Adam, Esther&Pia, Roland & Heide - beide größtenteils in ihrem Verhältnis zu Adam und nur als Erwachsene (bzw. für Roland ist die Beziehung einseitig), Caro [3-6]

Mit Ausnahme von Caro (von der man in den drei Folgen nicht direkt erfährt, in was für einer Beziehung sie zu Leo steht), sind das alles Figuren-Konstellationen, in denen er sozusagen mit Adam konkurriert - und Adam bleibt stärker im Gedächtnis, weil er entweder die direktere Beziehung oder die emotionalere Reaktion hat.

Außerdem sind die charakerisierungs-Szenen von Adam in einen größeren Kontext eingebettet, Leos dagegen hängen (mit Ausnahme von Adam) etwas leer im Raum rum. Rückblickend kann man das schon an ihren jeweiligen ersten Szenen erkennen. Adams gewaltätige Reaktion gegenüber dem fremden Vater im Bus führt uns in die nächsten drei Folgen und seine komplette Backstory ein, Leos Auseinandersetzung mit Weniger und das Disziplinarverfahren sind a) so auswendiggelernt runtergerattert, dass sie nicht hervorstechen + haben an sich keine weitere Relevanz und b) sind neben seinem Wiedersehen mit Adam sofort vergessen. Außerdem stellt das auch schon eine gewisse Dynamik auf, dass Adam selbstständig agiert, Leo hingegen tendenziell nur auf andere Ereignisse reagiert.

Schließlich fehlt uns Leos komplette Backstory ohne Adam. Keine Info über seine Familie (ich erinnere daran, dass wir offiziel nicht wissen, dass die Frau aus der ersten Folge seine Schwester Caro ist), wie er sonst zwischenmenschlich in der Schule war (Adam hatte ja Lausch als Lehrer und wir wissen dadurch, wie ein bisschen breiter über den "Verlust" von Roland gedacht wurde) oder wie er eigenständig reagiert, wenn es parallelen zu seiner eigener Kindheit gibt, z. B. wenn er mit während eines Falls einem misshandelte/gemobbten Kind konfrontiert wird. Über Adam in den letzten 15 Jahren hingegen wissen wir recht viel und für mich persönlich wissen wir sogar genug. Ich habe irgendwo mal gelesen, dass Adams Verweigerung, Leo im Detail zu erklären, was er alles gemacht hat, sehr viele Fragen aufwerden und in dadurch ein wenig im Nichts herumstehen lassen, weil der Gedankenstrang nie zu Ende geführt wird und wir auch nie erfahren, warum Adam plötzlich aus Berlin abgehauen ist. Aber für meine Verhältnisse reicht die Szene in DfL vollkommen aus, denn 1. ist Adams Verweigerung Leo detailliert zu antworten ist ein sehr starkes Stück Charakterisierung an sich und 2. wissen wir sehr wohl, warum er nach Saarbrücken zurückgekommen ist: weil er Leo vermisst hat und ihn wiedersehen wollte (dass er dafür aus Berlin wegmusste ist eher eine Nebenwirkung).

Zum Schluss hat jemand gesagt, dass Leo als Figur ja bemüht unauffällig ist, was sich auch auf das Zuschauen ausprägt. Und dann können wir als sehr engagierte Zuschauende da natürlich sehr viel mehr aus einer sehr gedämpften Rolle rauslesen, als der Otto-normal-verbraucher. Und für die hinterlässt m. M. nach definitiv Adam den stärkeren Eindruck.

[Mini-Exkurs: Wir sind nicht das 0815-Tatort-Publikum und sind teilweise bis größtenteils unfähig uns noch in dieses hineinzuversetzen. Selbst wenn man nicht alles bis ins kleinste Detail analysiert, allein durch das wiederhohlte schauen einer Folge achtet man auf ganz andere Details, die normalen Sonntagabend-Zuschauenden gar nicht auffallen können. Und da weder Adam noch Leo mit individuellen, Wink-mit-dem-Zaunpfahl charakterisierungsszenen überheuft werden, bleibt quantitativ und plot-mäßig von Adam einfach mehr hängen. Es ist schließlich immer noch ein Tatort und das Drehbuch hat andere Hühnchen zu rupfen.]

#(Und das hier alles zum zweiten Mal #weil beim ersten Mal nach der Hälfte mein Browser abgekratzt ist und dann alles futsch war. Danke für Nichts.)#Meine Memo von gestern Abend war: Leo ist der Protagonist und Adam die Hauptfigur #und das erklärt für mich auch warum Adam stärker bzw. leichter für definieren ist #weil Leo teilweise die Rolle des Erzählers übernimmt ist er eher im Hintergrund und fällt nicht so auf #Adam hingegen wird offensichtlich in die Mitte des Plots gestellt und ist dementsprechend unumgänglich #es ist wichtig dass er klar charakterisiert ist damit das ganze halbwegs funktioniert #d. h. für alles andere kriegt Leo gerne die Charaktereigenschaften und die Standard-Krimisätze in die Schuhe geschoben #die es für die Lösung des Falles gerade noch braucht #ich erinnere nur an den Gamer-Leo aus HdW der davor oder danach nie wieder relevant war #anyway das ist jetzt fertig und ich werde nie wieder dazu etwas schreiben #cheerio #hui ist das lang geworden #my stuff #long post

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