the tropification of our vacation
jamil viper x reader
summary: You and Jamil go on a vacation together as friends, and unsurprisingly leave as something more.
author's note: jamil in a hallmark movie except it's not christmas. i put a good amount of tropes in this hence the title, but also tried to subvert them in small ways.
tags: gender neutral reader, sfw, fluff, friends to lovers, childhood friends, 7.7k+ words, not beta read, slight spoilers for the al'ab nariya event
you can also read this on AO3
THAT TROPE WHERE TWO FRIENDS WHO’VE CRUSHED ON EACH OTHER FOR YEARS END UP ON A TRIP WITH JUST THE TWO OF THEM
“I know I’ve already told you this over the phone, but I really can’t get over it. Your sister just comes up to me and demands I buy plane tickets from her because something urgent came up, and that the trip she was supposed to go on is in two weeks and it’s going to be with you .”
“Should I apologize for her?” Jamil asked, a small huff of laughter leaving his lips. “Although… Why does it sound like you don’t want to go on a trip with me?”
“Of course I do. Would I be here if I didn’t?” There was no hesitation with how fast you countered him, even though you must have known he was merely joking. “I don’t just shell out my hard-earned money for anyone.”
So he’s still someone you deem special. Or maybe you were referring to Najma, who you’ve always liked to joke was your favorite Viper. Either way you being here, about to board a plane with him, meant you still enjoyed his presence to a high enough degree.
“It’s a little funny though. We don’t see each other in person for almost half a year, then I come back to Silk City and next thing you know I’m leaving again for a vacation.” Jamil had thought the same as you. When you told him you were back in the city, he had begun making arrangements to ask for a leave of absence to meet up with you again. It seemed that was unnecessary, however, with his sister telling him you would substitute her on their planned sibling vacation.
“But I don’t mind,” you added swiftly, likely anticipating another comment from him, “I’m always happy to be able to take a break.”
It was a statement difficult to debate because he happened to feel the exact same way.
Jamil was never really one for joy, never really thought he could receive it in more than fleeting, bite-sized portions. He simply asked for relaxation, and there he would receive contentment.
And yet, strangely, Jamil found himself feeling unusually giddy despite it all. It would be classified as a rare instance of happiness, all because he got the opportunity to travel with you.
Don’t get him wrong, he would have been just as happy (and certainly feel less unsure of himself) should his sister have not backed out of their trip, but all the same he could not help being in high spirits at getting to have some time alone with you. It was to a point that he dreaded how happy it made him feel, even just the thought of you, knowing once he had you in his head it would be difficult taking you out of it.
Not that he minded too much. Fanciful daydreams revolving around you were much preferable to dwelling on the misfortunes of his past, or the hardships that would aid to the attainment of his ideal future.
“But, you know, Najma…”
What he would like to take out, however, was your need to continuously mention his little sister, as if the two of you had nothing else to talk about. Jamil will actually be driven crazy if you bring her up again and again throughout the rest of the trip. With the way the conversation has been going, was he your childhood friend or not?
“If it has to do with my sister, I probably know it already,” he sighed, already tired of the repetitive conversation. He wanted to catch up with you , and while he held a heavy reluctance in letting you know about his feelings any time soon, he was just going to have to be upfront and nip this particular problem in the nub. “You’re acting as if the two of us haven’t been friends for years. Let’s stop talking about her and talk about something else.”
Not that Jamil knew what exactly something else was, but as long as he got out of that zone, he was willing to go along with whatever conversation topic you wanted.
“Then, do you mean we should talk about us? ” Reflexively, Jamil brought his hand up to tug at his hood, only to realize the turtleneck he was wearing lacked one—and it would be stupid and incredibly obvious what he was attempting to hide had he pulled up the collar instead. “That’s what people typically say after that kind of line, right?”
“How should I know? Do I look like the type to have a romantic bone in my body?” Your immediate answer should have been no. He knew himself just as well as he knew people’s perceptions of him—he was the type who appeared to give little thought about love and such, someone much too focused on their career. His thoughts may beg to differ, but his actions spoke louder. You probably knew that just as well.
"Who knows? Things change when people get older. Maybe you actually decided to give dating a try while I was gone.” You suddenly paused, throwing him a serious look, as if something about the words you spoke had just caught up to you. “Are you seeing anyone? As in, seriously?”
This was not where Jamil thought the conversation was going to go.
“No. I’ve been too busy,” already being in love with you, so it would just be a waste of time trying, “but why do you want to know?”
Was this Jamil trying to find any information that would allow himself to let his feelings grow further, to encourage him to eventually take action to make you his? He supposed he needed to be more certain.
“It would be troublesome,” you began slowly, now more careful with your words than you had been before, “if you had a partner and they found out you were going on a trip. Alone with a friend they have never met before. I don’t want misunderstandings.”
“I don’t like misunderstandings either,” he agreed. Though it was not the most desirable answer, he appreciated your constant consideration for him. Besides, it gave him the opportunity to return the question. “Since you already asked me, let's clear it up completely now. You… are you in a relationship?”
Jamil relaxed his face as much as possible, rendering himself to a neutral state regardless of what your answer would be, but he could not deny the inward relief he had felt when you shook your head no.
“I was also too busy. I had no plans of getting into one when I would return to Silk City.”
Return to Silk City, and return to him.
If Jamil had so much as shown a trace of delight at the revelation, you didn’t point it out, although you did look awfully pleased as you boarded the plane. Jamil didn’t point that out either, knowing you would simply blame your excitement for the trip, knowing he would be a hypocrite mirroring you.
THAT TROPE WHERE TWO GOOD FRIENDS PRETEND TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP
It was inevitable, really, but he had wrongly assumed that people would at least ask before, well, being upfront with their assumptions about him and you.
That had not been the case.
It began at the airport, some time after the plane had landed and everyone scrambled to find their luggage.
An incredibly gaudy, brightly colored bag might be most optimal for situations like this, but Jamil had been more concerned with keeping his belongings safe, so he figured some stickers and his uniform tie from back in college tied to the handle would be distinguishable enough.
It was, but the same couldn’t be said for you. Even though you insisted no one would mistake your bag for theirs, someone had gotten your luggage and took off.
Jamil wasn’t going to start an incident in a foreign country, he probably would have felt more inclined to do so in his homeland, so he was going to run on the assumption this really was a mix-up. For his sanity and yours.
The man had apologized to him, not that Jamil completely bought that it was an accident, before turning to face you once Jamil pointed out that he was apologizing to the wrong person.
“Of course, I’ll apologize to your partner as well.”
That was what started it.
Well, no. People have been teasing him about you for a while—people meaning Najma, who was the only one who had managed to sniff it out (like he would ever tell anyone he had feelings for someone)—but certainly a first in a foreign land of all places. Were people always so quick to assume out here?
Jamil blinked, then quickly shrugged any surprise off. What was the point of correcting a stranger anyway?
“Yes, we’d appreciate that.”
The second must have been only half an hour later, with the two of you deciding to catch a cab on the way to the hotel. The only time he would do so, he told himself, considering how much cheaper it was to ride other forms of public transportation as opposed to taxi cabs, but he was tired, you were tired; he would just have to close his eyes at the amount.
“So where are you and your boyfriend heading off to?” He side-eyed you, wanting to see how you would react to the question, to him getting called your boyfriend. Surprisingly, you responded the same way he would have—not caring to dispute the claim.
“Twisted Hotel, the one along Nocturne Street.”
The driver let out a low whistle. “Not the best, but worth the buck you spend. Should be fine if you plan on spending most of your time outside.”
“Mhmm. No point in going on a vacation just to stay locked up in your room, is there?” Jamil added, a seemingly agreeable statement.
“You got that right. I’ll say, a downright shame to not make the most of the trip…and speaking of,” the man turned his head to face both him and you, a knowing grin present on his face, “let me tell you lovebirds the best places to visit. Real romantic ones, the ones that aren’t tourist traps. Cheaper, too. Got to help the local economy, you know.”
You looked at him, waiting for him to judge the situation. This was either some well-meaning man or a man looking to promote someone he knows happens to own. Or a man looking for a tip. Of course, Jamil’s not stupid, so a quick calculation and conversion would be enough to know a scam at first glance.
“Real good place to eat lunch two streets away from TwisTel. My aunt…” Second option then. Well, not like he couldn’t respect a family business, “... and, of course, couples get free dessert. Authentic , not mass-market. What’d you say?”
Oh. No wonder they were getting promoted to. He’s familiar enough with these kinds of deals—there was a café on his old campus that pulled the occasional buy three, get one for free promo that always caused suckers to come in big groups. Jamil just had to wonder if this would have happened had either one of you denied that you were dating him, or if some other promo would have been thrown your way instead.
“We should probably check-in first, but just tell us the name and we’ll drop by when we get hungry.” Jamil had to smile at that. He wouldn’t have blamed you if you had caved in, but it was always better to make your own choices rather than be trapped in one.
Well, even if you said yes, he could always drag you along to make a run for it if it turned out to be a scam.
Sure wouldn’t be the first time.
Just like how it wouldn’t be the first time the two of you got mistaken for a couple, because a couple of times had suddenly increased to a little more than so with the receptionist adding to the mix. To be fair on her end, it was partially his fault. It’s easy to connect unlabeled dots.
“Who knew the Vipers would be so young…”
“We get that a lot,” he said, like a liar. He thought he at least looked his age, but he knew that alone wasn’t what she was referring to. For starters, Najma wasn’t there to fill up the expected Viper ratio. He also didn’t disclose that his sister was his original travel companion, because why would the hotel need to know that?
“It’s such a shame we’re fully booked. I’m sure the two of you would prefer a different room.”
“We’re just glad to have a room in the first place.” Not wishing to talk anymore, it was only about time he’d get asked if they were celebrating some kind of honeymoon or anniversary, he took the keys on the desk and left with his luggage, you in tow.
“That was pretty smooth, you know,” you said, not caring too much in keeping up the pretense now that the two of you were out of earshot. Although it could be argued that neither he nor you did anything to pretend in particular, more so just going along with the circumstances granted. “I’m surprised you didn’t counter anyone though.”
“Well, I went along with it because I don’t want to have to spend more time explaining to people what we really are.” There was also the side piece of information that you’ve secured a place in his heart for years, but that piece of knowledge was better kept away from you. If not forever, then at least until the trip ended. “But what’s your excuse? The taxi driver asked you first.”
“Um, the same thing? Like what you said, what’s the point of telling irrelevant people that we’re actually not together like that but travelling together. It overcomplicates things.” The two of you were on the same page. That was… good.
“But you don’t hate it right?” you suddenly asked, momentarily concerned for him. “If it makes you uncomfortable to be seen as my–”
“I don’t hate it,” Jamil interjected, which might have been the most truthful thing he’s said since getting in that cab. “I don’t like how people assume things about us, but it has nothing to do with you. I don’t feel ashamed of it at all.”
And you needed to know that, lest you find yourself misunderstanding something. Yes he’d rather you not know what he felt about you right now, but he’d also prefer that over you thinking he disliked the idea of being your partner. The truth was the farthest thing from it, really.
Fluster-inducing, but not embarrassing.
“And you? Are you okay with this?” he asked in return. If you said no it would probably hurt more than just his ego, but he would understand. It wouldn’t deter him from enjoying his time with you either way.
“Of course,” you replied, with a peculiar gleam in your eye. It was as though any traces of reluctance and discomfort had been shaken off of your person, in which only excitement remained. “It’s you, so of course I am.”
THAT TROPE WHERE THEY FIND A WAY TO INITIATE NOT-SO PLATONIC PHYSICAL CONTACT
It was cold this time of the year. Not the coldest month, not freezing temperatures, but still cold. Jamil knew this, for it was the exact reason he had chosen to travel here at this time of all times. He could always appreciate not just a change of scenery, but a change in weather as well.
Also, it was extremely hot in the Scalding Sands right now, so he was not experiencing the least bit of weather envy.
Of course Jamil also wasn’t the type of mad man to walk through the snow in one layer of clothing, he knew his body wouldn’t be able to handle it, so he dressed properly for the area.
Not everyone got the memo.
“I’m still mostly dressed properly,” you countered, gesturing to the rest of your attire. Indeed you had a sweater, one a shade of red he thought matched your complexion well, and a coat he remembered haggling the price down for you at the markets.
But where were your gloves?
“Mostly, meaning you still forgot something,” Jamil sighed, watching you stuff your hands down the pockets of your coat for some relief. It didn’t feel right to just grab your hands and check—it wasn’t like the two of you were pretending for anyone right now, not with the two of you just roaming the streets—but they looked cold.
“We even went through the checklist together the night before we left. How’d you forget?”
“I didn’t leave it on purpose . Gloves are small and easy to misplace. I forgot them—either I find them miraculously tucked in some compartment, or I go buy new ones during the trip.” What’s done is done , you were essentially saying, but he was going to disagree. He knew himself, and he knew he would keep glancing down at your hands to check if they were shivering for the rest of the afternoon if he didn’t do something about it.
The logical thing to do would be to find the nearest clothing store, or maybe a stall at some bazaar that sold gloves made with warm fabrics and local designs, but making use of logic was difficult in the face of an opportunity.
Again, not that Jamil was aiming for anything in particular. It was just… an instinctive decision.
“Give me your hand,” he paused, and then reworded it, “Hold out your hand.”
He thought you would question him, and maybe you were doing just that in your head, but you did so without asking him why. Maybe you didn’t ask because you already knew what he was doing, that he would take off one of his gloves and place it atop the palm of your hand, your fingers immediately clasping the knitted material.
He had given it to you for you to wear, but you weren’t doing just that. For what must have been half a minute you merely stared at it, as though you were contemplating its texture, or perhaps its size.
“You don’t have to wear it. If you don’t like how it fits you, you can just hold it between your hands. It should give your hand some semblance of warmth regardless.”
As long as your hands were at least a little warmer, what did it matter if one hand of his had grown colder than the other? He could just make do like you had been moments ago and shove one hand down a pocket, maybe grab a warm beverage to go while the two of you walked the city.
“Jamil? Your hand.”
“Yes?” He looked down at his hand. What about his hand? It was there, it was bare, what of it?
“Make space for me.” And then you put your own hand, the one that was gloveless, into his coat pocket. If the weather was hotter, Jamil was sure he would have combusted, but if it was hotter you wouldn’t be holding his hand. In that regard, he had the cold to thank, and the falling snow to use as an excuse as to why he was pulling on his hood all of a sudden.
You didn’t ask about it, but he had caught you looking and your wordlessness was just as embarrassing, if not more so.
“Walking like this is kind of inconvenient, isn’t it?” It was more statement than question because it was inconvenient, the both of you must have known as much, but neither you nor he untangled their fingers from where they refused to part.
“But at least both of our hands are warm now,” thought he; said you.
THAT TROPE WHERE… WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE’S MORE THAN ONE BED?
There’s two beds, and Jamil’s not the least bit surprised. He, after all, was the one who made the bookings for the rooms and there was no way he was sleeping in the same bed as his little sister (who he would have roomed with had she not backed out, though he still wondered if Najma had actually set him up).
There was the unfortunate circumstance of the beds being quite small and not-too comfortable looking, twin-sized as they were, but he knew what he was getting into—he chose not to splurge on the hotel for the purpose of using that money for other things.
Besides, they were only in their hotel rooms to sleep so who cared if the thread count was too high and the fabric hardly glided against his skin? The fabric manufactured in the Scalding Sands was simply too good that all else paled by comparison. He just had to make sure to check that the sheets were washed and clean, that there were no pests , and that everything was properly sanitized.
That was, of course, his mindset which, at the time, operated under the assumption that he would be vacationing with his sister, not the person he wanted to impress most.
It was another unfortunate thing—that even if he wanted to, he could not simply get up and purchase a better room, so he would at least make sure you got the better of two beds. It was him hoping that if the activities of the day had not been enough to knock you out like a light, then at least you would have an easier time succumbing to slumber.
Plus, waking with an ache in your back was a pain in the ass and he’d rather you not experience that at any time of the day, especially so early in the morning.
“Jamil, are you sure you want that bed?”
Hardly.
“No, but does it matter? I don’t like either one; I’d much prefer my bed back home,” he said, admittingly holding back to a certain extent about his opinions. Sure he wasn’t the pickiest, could hardly afford to be, but he knew of luxury and enjoyed what he knew. Still, he wasn’t going to start listing off everything wrong with the pillows and blankets, was he now? “But it’s a practical choice.”
“You’re not wrong, it’s just–” you cleared your throat, an action Jamil knew was more forced than needed– “don’t you think you’ll be cold later?”
There was a reason Jamil’s bed was the less desirable of the two. Dingy hotel rooms didn’t exactly have the highest quality of beddings and furniture, that was to be expected as you paid for what you got, but they were also particularly careful with not having the more delicate items prodded at and moved in case they got broken by the customer. Case point: not having control over where the heater was located, or how strong the aircon temperature would be.
Understandable, but it still sucked to be on the receiving end of it. Whatever, he would live.
“I can just get up and put on a jacket if I have to.”
“A second jacket, you mean.”
“What, do you want me to steal your blanket? Because I can very well do that. Maybe the heater is enough for you to stay warm, hmm?”
“Oh, so you did. You did let me have this bed deliberately.”
It would have been better for Jamil’s pride if you had just kept that revelation to yourself. He was sure you had known even before he said anything—he doubted you were so dense as to not realize he did not want the risk of you shivering due to the cold getting colder in the middle of the night—but you had to go and point it out just to have your go at flustering him.
Well it worked, but he wasn’t going to give you any more satisfaction by letting you know. Jamil was just going to wrap himself up in a blanket and pretend he had fallen asleep, like that conversation had not happened.
Like a child keeping their eyes shut for far too long just to be sure their parents would not suspect them of being up past bedtime, he eventually did find himself too worn out to stay awake. It must have been some time past eleven in the evening when he had dozed off, and it was three in the morning when his eyes had opened once more.
The first thing on his mind was that it was freezing.
Contrary to popular belief the Scalding Sands was by no means as hot as hell, not always, and definitely dependent on location. Just as the sun would descend so would the temperature; some areas having more humidity than others.
Oh, and there was that time the temperature in his dorm mysteriously dropped, but the time he spent at his alma mater had always been odd.
Regardless, that, by no means, made Jamil used to the cold. He dressed himself properly and tolerated it, but preparation and mindset could never really combat sensations—he was cold, and he was going to have to escape his blanket and feel colder just to grab the coat he had thrown over the singular chair in the room, then—
“Jamil, did you wake up?”
He wasn’t sure if you simply had troubles sleeping at night or if you had a terrible sleep schedule, maybe he should have asked beforehand, but Jamil had not expected you to be up at this hour.
“Since when have you been awake?” he asked, still not making the move to get out of bed. Socks were hardly enough—he should have worn gloves as well… or a glove, considering you had not returned the one he lent you.
“After you,” you replied quietly, “you were cussing out the cold when I woke up.”
“Oh.” After he thought about it, as much energy as he was willing to spend thinking anyway, it did make sense. He just figured he would have been conscious enough to do it more under his breath. “Sorry I woke you, but you should try to go back to sleep. We have a long day ahead of ourselves.”
Jamil expected a variation of “speak for yourself ” from you, but after some shuffling noises he felt you tugging at his arm, doing as much damage as you could without getting off of the bed.
“Sit beside me for a little bit. Let’s get you warmed up.”
Jamil had no plans of saying no.
“It’s warmer here,” he commented, his shoulder bumping against yours as you wrapped him in the duvet with you. The permeating warmth was familiar, and it was brushing against what of his skin it could reach, soothing him.
Your bed was an infinitely better spot to be in, but he had no particular regrets about his choice, other than perhaps not packing an electric heating pad in his luggage. He was just sorry you had woken up because of him, as per what you implied.
Still, he supposes there’s something about this, about now that he finds himself enjoying. Some hours ago he had been too tired to comprehend anything other than making sure the both of you got some sleep.
Now, however, while still groggy and exhausted, he could appreciate the domesticity of getting to sleep in the same room as you, knowing the two of you would wake up to each other, avail that mediocre complimentary hotel breakfast before actually heading out to get something a little better.
It was not exactly new, having been a concept or idea to him in some daydream, but now it was a fully-realized experience.
It was odd. It was familiar.
He willed himself to stay up a little longer.
“Do you think you’re the type of person who dreams a lot?”
Jamil turned to you in response, shifting just enough to look at you without having his face bump against yours uncomfortably.
“What brought that on?”
“Because I was dreaming before I woke up. I guess it’s just on my mind,” you said with a shrug. It seemed reasonable enough on the surface, but Jamil recognized the question for what it truly was—a thinly veiled excuse.
He would have changed the topic if someone else had asked. Even now, there was a part of him that preferred to take the easy way out, the decision he was used to—something vague to satisfy someone just enough, a taste of something they’ll never fully understand.
But it’s you, and even with all of his reservations he knew, deep down, he wanted you to know and understand him more than you seem to already do. Jamil wants to be understood, wants to be recognized—if not by the world, then let it be the closest thing to it.
“Of course. Don’t most people have a dream at least at one point in their life?” Jamil paused for a moment, before quietly admitting, “For the longest time, dreams were all I really had.”
You neither laugh at him nor immediately attempt to comfort him. An influx of attention still brought him discomfort, but at times like this, or perhaps because it was you handing it to him, it was nice to be listened to. It was as though his thoughts and emotions held importance.
“What do you dream about?”
“Everything.” What had Jamil not dreamed about? Money, power, fame—anything and everything that would allow him control over his own life, to be respected for who he is and who he would become, not for what he could do for someone else. “I’ve dreamt about everything at some point. Having everything. Sometimes I still dream those same dreams.
“Even if I can’t attain something, It’s not bad to dream.”
“It’s never a bad thing to dream,” you agreed. “It is beautiful to dream. People who dream are beautiful. You…” are beautiful for dreaming . It went unsaid, but Jamil heard it anyway, soft and quiet as if you had whispered it in his ear. The thought of you was enough to have him feeling bashful most days, but words gone undeclared had him more flustered than he could typically handle.
“Have any of your dreams come true yet?”
“The simpler ones,” he said, before choosing to correct himself. No, the dream itself was not just simple, but something deeply important to him. “A simple but significant part of a dream I’ve had for the longest time.”
“Travelling,” you said knowingly, “I remember. We used to talk about the different places we’d go to when we got older, basing our decisions off of book illustrations and how pretty the foreign wares they’d sell at the markets were.”
“You would point at the map and mispronounce all the names,” Jamil added, amused at the recollection, “and you talked about them like you were going to visit each and every country in the following weeks.”
“And then I told you I’d bring you and Najma all sorts of souvenirs—only the most colorful food for her, so she wouldn’t have to complain about how plain your food looked anymore. For you, obviously books about the places I would visit, maybe snow globes with the little landmarks in them. And then–”
“–then I told you off for not choosing to bring me along. Why would I want a snow globe when you can see the snow in person instead?” So he said, even though he always liked the novelty of it as a child. Even if the little flakes inside the glass were fake. “And now we’re older, travelling somewhere with real snow, where the landmarks can’t be kept in some glass ball.”
And someone out there had been gracious enough to listen to his complaints. Perhaps you hadn’t dragged him along with you, but the two of you had travelled together yesterday, and later today, and will continue to do so until the two of you headed back home. A wishful childhood fantasy had somehow come true.
“Well, this is only the start. There’s still the rest of the world to get to.”
For a few minutes neither of you said anything more. Maybe you, just like him, were thinking about what the rest of the world really entailed—for you and for him.
“Well,” you began to say, deliberately bumping your shoulder into his. It was as if to let him know you were telling him a joke, “I hope you’ve been enjoying yourself even with you having to look after me.”
That did not sound like a joke to Jamil.
Jamil could leave it at that—a joke, one he could keep rolling. In fact, he was a little tempted to take the easy way out and call you an idiot because you really could be, sometimes.
But you didn’t want misunderstandings; he was going to hold you to that.
“I think it’s been more enjoyable because of you.” It’s not easy for Jamil to admit anything personal. Even in his adulthood laid the underlying fear that someone will cut up his sentences word for word, scrutinize him bare and vulnerable until his soul would be all that was left of him, ready for consumption.
It should be alright, though. You had no claws to tear him apart, to shred him to pieces—with a touch as comforting as yours, he knew any vulnerability would be safe with you.
“You think?”
“I know.”
Jamil woke up back in his bed with his back aching slightly, but strangely feeling warmer than he would have originally anticipated. Realizing he must have slept past the alarm he allowed himself to rest for a few minutes longer, closing his eyes as if to relish whatever warmth was left, before moving to sit up. The action had caused a domino effect—coat after sweater after coat slinking and sinking, creating a pile atop his blanket-covered lap.
No wonder it was a little warmer—you must have piled all of that atop of him after he went back to sleep.
He puts one of them on, one he would belatedly realize was the sweater you had on yesterday, before moving to return the rest back in their respective luggages.
His coat, your coat, his sweater, another of his sweaters, one of your cardigans, his scarf, your–
He had paused midway, picking up woven fabric just to make sure it was not his morning-addled brain creating illusions. It wasn’t, and Jamil hadn’t the capacity to feel remotely upset at being lied to. If anything, he was quite exhilarated by it.
You had a pair of gloves. Not even the least bit hidden, just tucked in some corner so he wouldn’t spot it without taking a closer look.
A part of Jamil wants to wake you—mostly because he wants to spend time with you, to talk to you, but also so he could tease you, that he finally has the upper hand and can finally be the one to fluster you in revenge… but he can’t. He takes one look at you, still sleeping soundly, and knows he’ll let you sleep in a little longer.
“I’ll just open the curtains then,” he murmured to himself, deciding to let the sky choose when to wake you from your slumber.
The stars had gone with the moon, and yet you still remained.
THAT TROPE WHERE FRIENDS BECOME LOVERS
Jamil’s not exactly a romantic, certainly not in the classical sense.
When the two of you ate out he never paid for you, the two of you always splitting the bill or, if it was too much of a hassle, taking turns paying for the other. In shared purchasing decisions he always went for the best deal as opposed to the more grandiose one. Doors were opened by whoever it was closest to, and the thought of calling you a pet name like babe or baby made him want to shrivel up and wither with the weather.
He took you to that restaurant the taxi cab driver recommended instead of somewhere more high class or popular, the convenience of how close it was to the hotel and the premise of the (couple’s) free dessert catching up to the both of you.
It was good, but still.
It would be nice if he could be more romantic, but it’s simply not ingrained in him. Growing up, he hardly had any time to accumulate dating experience, just as he hardly knew of any actual credible media to use as reference—if asked to name a romantic gesture, the first he would name would likely be the old tale of the princess being taken on a magic carpet ride across the desert.
Magic carpets did not exist, thus he did not have a magic carpet. If the tale were even to be true, it would likely be some modern flying contraption like a plane.
He did not have a plane either. He was also not going to bring it up ever, and never in front of Kalim in particular.
So Jamil does his best to, essentially, just be himself and continue getting you involved in the things he had been planning to do on the trip even before he knew you were coming in Najma’s stead.
He introduced you to places he himself had never been, but who needed a tour guide anyway? Certainly not with his previous research and your habit of picking up travel brochures (most of which, thankfully, translated into a language at least one of you could understand). Things ended up working out well, if he were to base it off of how much you’ve smiled around him.
So, no, maybe he has no clue what the most romantic spots are, but he’s trying his best—maybe even more than his best, considering he’s been more conscious about impressing you due to last night (more precisely, early morning).
A part of him knows he doesn’t have to—you know him for who he was and is, the parts of him that always will be, just as he knows you the very same way—but he looked at the sky and wondered, what else could he do for you? How could he possibly turn a good day into a memorable night for the both of you?
It was nighttime again, though the two of you opted out of returning to the hotel early this time around, choosing a secluded spot outdoors for no reason other than to converse under the stars.
There was just something about the night sky that loosened lips and melted walls. In any other circumstance Jamil would be disgruntled with how easy it had been to get him to fall into a wave of comfort, but just for now he would welcome it with open arms. The cold air that hit him didn’t feel as cold as before, even though he was certain the temperature had dropped a degree more.
“I know we talked about this last night, but I don’t think I ever said what I thought—felt,” you huffed, the exhale of your breath visible to the naked eye. It was then realized he might have been too fixated on your face, your mouth, to notice such a thing. He looked away from you just as you chose to look at him. “So… I hope you know I’m happy to be here. This wouldn’t have been as wonderful a trip without you.”
So you felt the same way. Even though it wasn’t a confession, Jamil held on to the feelings your words made him feel tight to his chest, a hope not caged but housed in his heart. He wouldn’t do anything now, not when he was still working his way up to being someone worth offering up to you, but your words—did they give him the patience to wait for the right moment, or did they tempt him to risk it all at once?
“Is that so?”
“Don’t act like you’re surprised—you know so. Why do you have to make sure of what you’re already sure of?”
Because the thrill he receives hearing it straight from your lips is unmatched. Because maybe he isn’t sure, no matter how obvious something may seem; it hurts to be sure and later proven wrong.
“Because I just want to.” His answer was lackluster at best but you took kindly to it.
“Then I’m glad you’re doing more things you want. And saying what you actually want to.” He looked at you out of the corner of his eye, and you look glad—genuinely happy for him. Jamil hadn’t put too much thought into it personally, having owed it all to already being comfortable with you, but if he thought about it a little more, wasn’t it just a big a deal that he could actually say all these things to you?
Jamil looks at the sky—properly this time, without using it as a backdrop as he looks at your visage from the corners of his eyes.
You’re glad he could say the things he wanted to say? He’d hardly scratched the surface, so he’ll say even more. His words and his time, that he can at least give you.
“If we’re talking about things we’re glad about… for me, it would be getting to see these sights with you. Even now, the sky and the moon and the stars—all of it is so beautiful, isn’t it?”
The breath you took was loud and shaky, or perhaps it was him honing his senses to focus primarily on you. He could not help himself then, turning back to look at you as you replied—
“It is.”
—and Jamil knows you had not looked away from him since he looked away from you. Not once.
“You’re not looking at the view.” The both of you locked eyes, unwavering, and Jamil, perhaps filled with a newfound resolve, had no plans on being the first to look away. He would wait for as long as you chose to speak up, or hide yourself from his sight.
“Maybe I–” To his disappointment, you chose to look away, but he doesn’t say anything to stop you from doing so—if he were someone else, maybe he would hold your chin and make you look at him once more. It would be hypocritical to call you out, he who always looked away when he found himself unable to handle the pressure of your attention, the words you graced him with. It is with that reasoning that he does not tell you to look at him again. “Right. Sorry.”
But he will call you out for something else.
“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” Jamil tells you. Even if you do not want to look right at him, even if he has to wait for a little while longer for your gaze to reciprocate his, he continues to look at you. He thinks he understands it—the way you looked at him just then.
It is a sentiment he carries now, the thought that the stars themselves were dim in comparison to you.
“I like it when you look at me.”
Jamil recognizes the lines he’s crossing. He’s known his feelings for you for years, that of all the time he’s known you, a good majority was spent adoring you. He knows your own feelings for him too, not as well and not for as long, but enough to know it was similar enough to his own,
“No, it would be more accurate to say I like how you look at me.”
But that was never the problem. The problem was that Jamil could not be content with his life and himself, not when there was still room for him to go up and up and that kind of ambition took tireless nights and time away from himself, from relationships and the people that mattered.
“Because the way you look at me… it shows your feelings, and your feelings make me feel the same things, too.”
He’s had you in his life for years, and for years longer he wants you to be a part of it as something more, but is it okay to drag you along with him? When he’s still unsatisfied with himself, when he wants to be more, for himself and for you?
He decides… that the two of you could always talk about it some other time. He just wants you to know, if in any way you needed to make sure the same way he does.
“I’m in love with you, so look at me if you love me too… please.”
Jamil’s chest heaves not due to the cold but in anticipation, or perhaps the nervousness deep within that he might regret saying anything at all—but the fear, the anxiety, all of it is for naught, for you don’t let more than a few seconds pass before looking at him.
You look at him as if he was capable of creating miracles, as if he was a miracle himself, an existence to be grateful for. Jamil’s never known anyone who could look at him like that, who could make him feel as if he was owed the world for simply existing.
Jamil knew that if he looked a little deeper into your gaze, he would see his own eyes, mirroring that very same expression.
“We don’t have to be in a relationship yet. Not if you don’t want to,” you murmur, taking a step closer to him. That’s another amazing thing about you—you always seem to be able to simply read his mind, that you were someone who actually knew him. “But you should know by now that I won’t mind it when you’re too tired to talk, or too busy to spend a whole day with me, or if it takes you years to get to where you want to be.
“I understand it all, and I’ll be there for as long as you’ll want me. Because I love you.”
Love alone can’t solve problems, that’s not how the world works. He’ll still have to face a rocky path of hardships, the trials and tribulations to achieve his desires, his dreams , but the path no longer seems so daunting—not with you by his side.
“Jamil.” He whispers your name back to you, and when he holds you in his arms he, born from nothing, could imagine what it was like to have everything.
EXTRA:
“Don’t tell your sister, but–” you slipped your hand back into his, even though he very well knew you had a set of gloves all this time, even though he knew you weren’t doing this just to warm yourself– “I’m glad she sold me her ticket.”
“I had no plans of telling her in the first place.”
For different reasons, likely. Jamil knew his sister wouldn’t be mad, but if she was at least half as good at scheming as he was then she would be more than just delighted at the turn out of his and your vacation. If she saw him holding your hand right now she might have pretended to be disgusted at the sight of her brother and dear friend dating, but he would know, deep down, she would be the smuggest one of them all.
“Besides,” Jamil added, pressing his forehead against yours, the cold puffs of air intermingling between the two of you, “I don’t kiss and tell.”
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