#ah man i need friends

[a-s-levynn]

i've been thinking since yesterday about the London ritual because it's a friday and i actually have an old friend i could stay at so the accomodations would be taken cared of.. and i wouldn't need a lot of off days for it because i could travel the day before or something and then came back during the weekend 🤔and i actually have money spared i could use for travel and all so like.. there shouldn't be much stopping me really, but i'd be at work when the ticket sale is happening and i'm just a nervous creature so i don't know T________T i'm subbed for the presale code so there is that but.. i don't know i mean i probably could just pass on the ticket if i end up not being able to go for any reason if i'd be able to get a ticket at all of course.. ah man.. I DON'T KNOW TAT should i try for it or not 😱😭

[s0levis]

The height difference between Erwin and Levi is the same as my dad's and I AND the same as me and my friend's, so I really can't see Levi as comically short or understand when people describe him as hitting Erwin's waist lmao

#levi thoughts #may thoughts #eruri #erwin x levi #really i look at my dad i don't even really need to move my head that much #and as the tall one when it comes to me and my friend #sometimes I can't even notice they're shorter #only when we take a pic and i go #“ah I really am taller than you” #ive been friends with a lot of people that hit my waist #it's a bit funny when i stop and think about how many men ive been friends with that were so short #like that saying if i had a nickel for every time ive been friends with a very short man #I'd have at least 4 nickels #which isn't much but weird it happened 4 times

[kafkaguy]

havin a gender crisis at the train station lol #epic

#reading some lesbian comics and marvelling at the butch experience.......... and then also going into Brain Explode Mode bcos #of how similar it is to the transmasc experience #understanding why so many trans dudes are like 'oh what im just butch or a very masculine woman' #and butches are like 'oh what if im a trans guy' #THE VENN DIAGRAMS BRO. INTERSECTIONS AND CONNECTIONS AND SHARED EXPERIENCES #we are FRIENDS but also its making me feel all . What If She Pronouns. What If More Nonbinary Than I Thought... #cos the thing IS as a bisexual i do feel like my sexuality and gender identity are so intertwined its sometimes annoying #so i cannot think of it as like Ah Yes I Like Men Therefore Im a Homosexual #its a like. i like EVERYONE therefore i am EVERYTHING cos ALL my attraction feels Gay with a capital G #im gay for women im gay for men im gay for everything in between and outside #but i dont see my attraction to women as attraction to the opposite gender cos i dont see women as Opposite or necessarily separate #and vice versa i dont see my attraction to guys as . excuse the outdated language - 'same sex attraction' #because i dont necessarily see myself as A Man . yknow? #the binary is fucked identity is everchanging and ever molding and i am just a little wavelength of light floating through space #THEREFORE. idk where i was going with this #i just think that queerness and humanity are so much more complicated than any of us realise #and sometimes it is so frustrating and tiring seeing other people like me and wjth the same experiences as me #being so conservative and so assuming and trying to generalise something so personal #i am not Doing Trans Wrong . there is no wrong to be trans imo #and i also think we need to be kinder to detransitioned people + transmasc lesbians / transfem gays + nonbinary bisexuals ok thanks bye

[vellichorom]

you’re here because you deserve to be here. it is a hospital.  and you are a very sick individual.

BONUS:

#uwu art #bogleech #Awful Hospital #Awful Hospital: Seriously the Worst Ever #AH Jay #AH Fern #blood tw #// ask to tag #HEY SO.... SPEAKING OF JAY GUESS WHAT I SAVED UP & DID #i hope i make it into the fanart section of the comic next time w/ all my jays & people think i have a problem <33 #/JOKE please joke please GOD #I SWEAR TO GOD I'VE DRAWN OTHER AWFUL HOSPITAL CHARACTERS I JUST HAVEN'T FINISHED THEM #anyway shoutout to my friends who i told ' i need to make this man look ill ' & they responded with ' you are so obviously into him '

[spinoff-antithesis]

(muth being music theory!)

#FUCK IT MY OWN EDITION OF THE ODDLY SPECIFIC POLLS BC THESE ARE FUN #me when i've been obsessed with space/time stuff since i was a KID its more an interest than hyperfixation rn but man. #media with any of those?? i am OBSESSED (star wars rottmnt movie etc etc) like i hyperfixated on dr who for a year in middle school #the skateboard one is so funny. in high school my guard instructor saw me with a friend's pennyboard & immediately said no. #me when i was notoriously clumsy in middle + high school so everyone i knew was like. “this is a bad idea” when i did anything #my first semester of college i bought a longboard off someone then 5months later i turned around & ate SHIT it was so funny in retrospect #anyway fun sage lore i have only ever heavily injured the left side of my body. my knee + elbow and the SAME FUCKING TOOTH. TWICE. #also i have a high pain tolerance. like idk how or when but in middle school it just got Really Strong. me when i injure myself and just #live with it for a year before it becomes a concern and i get told to get an xray (i will live with a fractured knee the rest of my life) #also when i fell off my skateboard and ate shit my first concern was “ah fuck my glasses did i break my nose” and #“nah my elbow isnt broken! my arm is just rly sore from how i landed on it” (readers. it was in fact fractured.) #like i literally went “no im fine we dont need to tell my mom or go to the er” and my friends said “call your mom and go to the er” #me spitting out my tooth and blood bc i also busted my lip: that hurt. time to hobble back to my dorm. #anyway hiding this one in the tags bc i will never not just ignore my issues LMAO did it with my ptsd dx and i will continue to do it #another incredibly hyperspecific thing: oh this doesnt seem normal! im gonna ignore it and hope it goes away #these symptoms match up to something? nah i'm sure it's not that! (proceeds to get dx'd with ptsd five months later)

[possiblytracker]

damn. i really thought i already had the "youre probably never going to see any of your uni friends again after you move out this really and truly is the end of the most vibrant and healthy irl social life youve ever had. and likely will ever have again" breakdown done and shelved but i spent today hanging out with a few friends from my course who are leaving this week to say goodbye and i dont. know how to process it completely. im trying to make the most of everything while im still here but every interaction feels so bittersweet it's genuinely gnawing at me

#vent/ #this is probably not the last time i will have this crisis either. right up til graduation. itll keep happening over and over again #i had a miserable social record all through secondary school im not exaggerating when i say university literally taught me how to #make friends and open up to people in places that werent the internet (or having it pried out of me by more enthusiastic people) #and now its like. ah. right. thats over. where do i go from here. #late june through early august is gonna be completely fine i just need to not lose my mind until then #but after that.. well i am not having a great time thinking about it #living on my own seems miserable but i dont know anyone in This country well enough to make roommate plans #and. well i will stop here before i talk myself into a spiral but man. this is why my social energy is still through the floor #i love my online friends to death but the past few years have taught me everything is so much better with a varied diet as it were #i will not Die if i have to go back to 24/7 discord recluse im very grateful to have good friends in my puter #but god. i will miss Seeing people. very very badly #im sorry i know not responding to messages seems counterproductive rn but. idk i have a lot of wires crossed;; #ill work it out eventually #im the cheetah threatening to go insane in captivity i need someone to put one of those dogs in my enclosure/j

[running-in-the-dark]

today was exhausting - my friend was here for about 7 hours and I just. oh man I love her and all but it's just a lot sometimes. it's probably for the best that we only meet up like 2-4 times a year now (gives me enough time to forget how draining it is so I look forward to it, and recover afterwards)

I don't talk to anyone but my husband most days, and he doesn't really talk. so that's maybe 15 minutes total of talking. and today it was literally. 7 hours. no breaks except when we were eating (but no even then someone was always talking).

first of all ouch, it hurts (my voice is very hoarse now). and also. it's so so so draining. like. we really have nothing in common at this point. but she's my oldest friend and I do love her so it's tolerable... but just barely. these days there's way too much diet/food/weight loss talk, and also she seems to be getting into alternative medicine which I cannot fucking stand (it's one topic where I can't pretend or be nice about it either). lots and lots of very preachy vegan stuff too (I don't have any problems with it, I admire people who can do it, but fuck dude you know I eat meat and that I've said many times that I *can't* go vegan (I would starve. there's not enough foods that would be left. seriously.) and it feels pretty shitty to keep going on about it every damn time. I'm not sitting there trying to convince her that she should really be an atheist or something, because I know what her thoughts are about that and I respect it.

when she hangs out with her other friends a lot it's mostly just talking about all the issues that come from that (they fucking suck). I don't know, it kind of feels like I'm her therapist. when I talk about something I'm interested in she doesn't ask many questions and it kind of sucks. like, dude I don't care about your plants either, but I'm interested because you care, so. maybe try that too. would be nice!

#like I know alllll about her other friends and their shitty behaviour #and just. it's exhausting #it's also exhausting telling her over and over again that she is too nice. yes being nice is good and all but she lets people walk all over #her and afterwards she goes 'oh well I guess it was probably just because [they had a bad day/other thing that happened/I said the wrong #thing]'. I do that too! but it's just EVERYTHING. always. even when someone is CLEARLY being shitty to her. like her shitty friends. she #will still excuse their behaviour #it just makes me sad man. #buuut #like come on maybe let me talk about my stupid tv show for 5 minutes and try to seem a little interested? I know it's irrelevant I know no #one cares but damn you really can't pretend?? I've mentioned it before a couple times on the phone and she's always just vaguely like 'ah #that sounds interesting' WHEN I HAVEN'T EVEN SAID ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT IT'S ABOUT. but she doesn't ask what it's about so. I just stop #talking about it and we change topics. #like. yeah I know it's a bit weird that I'm in my 30s and that is one of the most important things in my life rn but. that's how I am. it's #always been that way. and my other friends care (or at least pretend to because they care about *me*) #so it feels pretty shitty! #like if I can look at 15 pictures of how big her fucking plants and herbs are getting. idk maybe ask one question about my show. #or like. even things like our new apartment and stuff. she listened and everything. but it's just. there's no interest there really. just #live 'oh that's nice :)' and we move on to the next topic again #idk man it makes me a bit sad (and I know it's ironic because I say she needs to acknowledge that people don't treat her well but. I mean I #do know this isn't great. and I limit my communication with her to a level that doesn't feel too exhausting. so. idk I feel like it's #different or whatever. buut really I just don't have many friends and I get lonely and it's better to listen to someone talk about #themselves all the time than not talking at all) #okay I'm gonna shut up now #and anyway I'm just exhausted and it's all very fresh rn and I'm incredibly tired so I'm very grumpy. usually it's really not that bad. #I just needed to vent I guess #okay bye and goodnight and I will stop talking now I swear #personal

[blujayonthewing]

so I ordered those Oak Chunks and put some into a couple of bottles of experimental health potion (one made with rum, the other brandy) and I've obviously never Aged anything before, so tasting them every day has been super interesting. this is going to sound stupid, I guess, but after two days I could really distinctly taste the oak, which for whatever reason isn't what I expected 'oak aging' to do? but also now it's been four days and the whole character of each potion really has changed a lot; there's noticeable oak flavor in there, but the overall flavor profile is also a lot smoother and more cohesive

I guess now I'm not sure what my long term plan is for these test bottles? lmao. they're literally single-serving 3oz bottles that I just put three of the small oak cubes in apiece, so, since I've never done anything like this before and don't know how long is good or whether there's such thing as Too Oaky or whatever, I guess they're probably just gonna keep dwindling while I taste them a little every day until there's nothing left, haha.

So, now I have a proof of concept for aging this drink, in theory, but this isn't actually going to be the final recipe, because it uses a liqueur I can't buy another bottle of anywhere (afaik) 🤔 I still need to figure out what I want the actual concoction to be, and there's a couple of ingredients I wanna try that I still would need to buy. the other thing is, even with the aging, this current recipe is still really strong; maybe I am just a weak baby who rarely drinks, but I can't really imagine comfortably slamming back ~3oz of this as a shooter. so maybe there will be a 'potion of healing' version that's just chambord and honey liqueur (or whatever it ends up being) that goes down a little easier, and a 'potion of greater healing' that's got the added spirits for higher proof, and is also barrel aged...? HMM

ALSO-- I am once again looking at the actual small oak cask we own and going '... jesus, three whole liters though.... 😬' lmao. PROBABLY it would not be worth it to me to buy another smaller goddamn cask just for my dork nonsense, but 3 full liters' worth of spirits is ALSO a pretty hefty chunk upfront, and then we'd have more of this stuff than we'd know what to do with... although, I suppose, it's not like it's gonna go bad.

#much to think about #me after making Wood Tea: WOW this tastes like wood!! #it's funny cause on day two I was like 'oh this tastes like sticks but it's still punch-you-in-the-face sharply alcoholic :\' #'maybe this was a failure' but now I'm starting to get the mellowing and blending #I have no fucking idea how the aging timeline scales to such a small and concentrated sample lol #how long would it take to get this far in a barrel? aging speedrun #in other news the one made with brandy is the much nicer one and has been from the beginning #ah..... but I just remembered one of my closest friends can't drink wine and probably not brandy either... 😰 ahhh... #about me #recipes #man this has become A Whole Thing I'm really gonna need a dedicated tag to keep track huh #potions

[shikai-the-storyteller]

Something something the passage of time or whatever, but I've been following a particular artist for AGES and out of the blue I saw a post from them that just said "My daughter loved what I made for dinner tonight :)" and I was genuinely like "Your WHAT???????" when I read it.

Like, logically yes I know people Age, but my gut reaction is still "I followed you like 7 years ago when you were a baby, what do you mean you're not still a college student."

#i talk #it's WILD #This isn't just an online problem my concept of time in general is just Very Bad #I know part of it is the whole ADHD thing but I think this has just always been an issue for me in general #I always saw my cousin as [redacted] age #and now I'm older than that and I'm just like huh. Not A Fan Of That #idk man it's been a weird brain day for me today #<- implying it hasn't been a weird brain day for the last few years #today was just really frustrating #also obligatory ''sorry if you're my friend and I keep ghosting you'' message #I'll talk to a friend and be like ''ah that was fun :)'' #and then 5 months will pass and I'll be like ''no I just talked to you yesterday what do you mean?'' #o(-( #It's an eternal ''I've thought of them so surely that means I've talked to them'' #like no. no my friend. that is not how things work. you cannot psychically send vibes to people to let them know you're thinking about them #my best friend (bless her) has always been so nonchalant about it #it's no biggie if we haven't talked in a week or something we're just chilling. We're close enough that we don't need to text 24/7 #also we're both busy being Constantly Crushed Under The Weight Of Reality's Many Horrors #idk I lost the plot of this post but in summary: I love my friends and I especially love my best friend #I'm very lucky to have her

[fourteenthz]

I have 6 projects to do the next 2 and a half weeks and still my brain decides that it's time to plan gpose ideas. Hah.

#i was getting extressed thinking I cannot remember a single location to try a cuddle pile of the red trio but i need to find one #and i need to find reference of cuddle pile poses so i get everything right and- #*remembers i didn't finished the analysis I need for tomorrow* oh. #this is the agonies that I'm feeling rm btw. im sure i can find reference easily but i just really want to like more #touch-love-language-coded gposes with them specifically. red trio includes my wol btw and ofc raha and alie #but who knows maybe ill just stick with Alisaie for now the pose in my head already seems too complicated and I DO NOT HAVE LOCATION... MAN. #do I try to gpose at my apartment??? sound weird since he's not done but maybe. cannot think of a bed/sofa in the open world lol #wait shup up maybe baldesion annex is the best choice... ok thats it #ok half of this plan done i need to focus on this essay UGH ARCHITECTS SHOULDN'T HAVE TO WRITE PAPERS. SPECIALLY SO CLOSE TO SUMMER VACATION #me: ah yes studying city my favorite part of this major. me when it's closer to summer vacation: i absolutely will drop out rn #also ok i forgot ghosts' art exists maybe thsts the best inspiration for gpose... ok plan done. #now I'll need that “pls dont talk to me im trying to work” sign on my back for the next two weeks #if i post here KNOW that I'm procrastinating. #it makes me feel less bad when im the one that usually asks to do more work on my group so I also only procrastinate when I'm annoyed #something went wrong but its going to be done. soon. believe it. #daily: uni student complaints about her life's love or whatever #i feel like my friends are tired of me saying “i want to play xiv” daily but OH WELL TWO MORE WEEKS lets go #kelly says #dl #this useless rambling post is brought to you by me procrastinating on SLEEPING so see not so bad (i think)

[korusalka]

.

#in all seriousness i can see myself clowning in real time #crush has said time and time again that he believes that if a man doesn't quickly make a move he's not truly interested in a woman #meanwhile i sit there like an idiot turning out all my best banter and dry wit to make him laugh and think im deep and interesting #crush subscribes to the idea that physical chemistry needs to be there and that it will be acted on fairly early in a relationship #meanwhile i think if he just -sees- me he'll see me in a different light somehow #interpreting in all the slightest gestures a physical chemistry that's not palpable and probably not even there for him #for me it's almost electrifying it was always there from the beginning #but I've never friendzoned myself ive just always been a colleague who's in the process of turning into a friend #ah clowning hours. #i never turn down meeting him but i can feel that I'm shovelling my own grave here in god ol' time-honoured soph tradition #pour one out for me okay? okay. #back from spending five after work hours with crush and realising some shit.

[othercrossee]

Actually, sinner was found after the whole rift ordeal and people thought they were some sort of weird zoroark until they called the survey corp to see what the fuck is up and mc was like hey this ain't a pokemon 💀

#z rambles #i think after sinner was being fixed up. rei and akari was like WAIT ???? IK THIS DUDE???? #but sinner was so malnourished and fucked up all over and they were unconscious for day. mf almosr got announced dead two times 💀 #but they live #i think irida and adaman was called again and this time irida was way too early to get back on adaman #and sinner saw her and they talked for a bit actually and sinner was like ah i need to go with this kid #sinner saw the mental illness and decide yeah i need to see this thru #adaman WAS NOTTT HAPPYFKSJFOSJ #Like yeah okay hes happy his old friend is alive and not fucking dead. but WHAT DO U THINK U WANNA JOIN THE PEARL CLAN #sinner do whatever they want so even if everyone complained they didnt care. but they did stay with mc for a bit tho #just until they get a bit more energy to go to the diamond clan and get their shit and off to the pearl clan #so funny that one day in the pearl clan. sinner immedistly got their eye popped out and once again mai adaman and melli were not happy #theyre like see this is what u get for leaving us and sinners like bro i am just stupid 💀 anyway look st my new dog :) #and its poppy the zoroark that hsve a bracelet with a hollowed pearl and sinner eye is inside it. sinner is sick and twsited man.... #sck and twisted little guy

[aceloha]

FUCK YEA THERES A RAGE ROOM NEAR BY LET FUCK SHIT UP

#I think I need this bruh #google says having multiple periods per month is caused either by stress change in exercise or weight gain #and I actually lost weight since moving here and can’t gay past 99 pounds so that’s not the case #and my exercise has always been like AH #HMMMMMMM #the first time I had two in one month was after moving across the world and loosing contact with my friends cuz time zones and decided to #get a job not even a month after first arriving back in the country and starting it the second day of school and a month after joining that #school I decided to transfer to a new one #and ever since then it’s just been all over #usally it’s once a month sometimes twice last month it was three #we’re having fun all this time later cuz instead of letting myself settle with anything I just take on more tasks #creating more stress making all my negative emotions all the more worse and fucking AGH #I WANT TO BITCH SLAP SOMEONE MAN #SOME OF YALL NEED TO BE BITCH SLAPPED TOO but probably no one who’s reading this #unless their one of those assfucks that automatically make it a competition for who has it worse #if ur reading this and thinking about how u can say u have it worse literally choke on a dick 💖 #there is so much going on that u will never know so fuck u #anyway I’m so normal #chill session with bee