#actually no please i cant go through it again

[thestarsarebrightertonight]

it could happen to you // lorenzo berkshire x fem reader

playlist : it could happen to you - laufey

summary : youve had a crush on lorenzo berkshire for years , always pining until one day he asks you to the yule ball.

ravenclaw reader , y/n used

"cho its getting dangerously close to the ball and i still dont have a date!" you whined.

"its two weeks until the ball , you have more than enough time! i know atleast 5 guys that would drop dead to go with you," cho replied with sympathy.

"oh yeah like who? funny they havent asked me yet if theyre so desperate!" you complained with sadness.

"lorenzo berkshire," cho said blanky , staring at something behind you.

you scoffed loudly , "in my dreams maybe!".

"no...no , lorenzo berkshire is coming towards us with flowers."

you jumped up at this , staring at her with pure shock not wanting to turn around ,"cho! cho please dont joke around about that!"

"im- im not!" she exclaimed finally turning back to you , "he is literally coming over to us-"

"y/n," you heard a deep but soft voice say right behind you making you freeze all movement.

you turned around slowly , seeing lorenzo stood there with some red tulips in his clenched fist , his other hand playing with his robe nervously , "l-...hi lorenzo"

"its enzo!" he said quickly before physically cringing at his own words , "i mean call me anything you want!".

"ah o-okay sorry," you said with a bright red blush.

he stared at you silently for a second before realising the tulips in his hands were not yet in yours , "oh these are for...you!"

your whole face lit up as you grabbed the tulips from him, hands brushing delicatley , making his fist clench by his side.

"thank you so much enzo, theyre beautiful!" you admired the flowers you held , forgetting your past nerves of the boy you like being in front of you.

he smiled at this , blushing obviously , "i was wondering if um.."

you nodded your head, waiting for him to continue.

"if you-" he began again only to be cut off.

"pretty flowers y/n , oh hey berkshire!" fred weasley , your other best friend , said happily from where he now sat next to you on the bench.

"hi..." lorenzos hopes quickly deflated as fred wrapped his arm around your shoulder.

"fred i was talking to enzo," you said softly , trying not to be rude.

"yeah sorry about that , also enzo? never heard you let anyone call you that before berkshire! anyways , i was just wondering, do you have a date to the ball yet? i dont and-"

"she does!" lorenzo quickly cut him off as you looked at him in suprise.

fred mirrored your expression , before laughing and smirking at lorenzo, "and who might that be?"

"me." lorenzo scoffed , his anger rising more and more by the second.

meanwhile you exchanged a shocked look with cho and gaped up at enzo , who was only staring down at fred.

"good for you man , nevermind then!" fred said with a smile before he got up, waving to you as he walked away, "see ya y/n!".

once fred left both you and lorenzo shifted into an uncomfortable silence before he brushed his hand through his hair in frustration , "merlin im so sorry i shouldnt have done that i just didnt want him to ask you-"

"lorenzo , i dont care." you said as he visibly calmed , "as long as we are actually going together i dont care at all."

he grinned back at you , "yeah thats what i intended to ask you before...he came over."

you laughed at his frustration towards fred , "i wouldve rather not gone at all than have to go with anyone that isnt you."

he bit back his smile and looked down at his hands before shifting back into eye contact , "do you want to go to hogsmeade with me this weekend?"

"id love to," you grinned at him before standing up and giving him a kiss on the cheek , "just know you cant get rid of me now!"

he mirrored your wide smile with a blush on his cheeks and an arm around your waist , "why would i ever want to get rid of you?"

#harry potter x reader #harry potter #lorenzo berkshire #lorenzo berkshire x reader #lorenzo bershire x you #lorenzo #enzo berkshire #slytherin #slytherin boys x reader #ravenclaw #hp fanfic #x reader #hp #hp fandom #theodore nott #draco malfoy #hogwarts houses #hogwarts #yule ball #fanfic #fluff #laufey #it could happen to you #the stars are brighter tonight masterlist

[pumpkinsy0]

tldr: @buddyaldridge is a 30 year old weirdo proshipper who talks shit about ppl behind their backs, block em and report if you can/want to

just wanna let everyone know theres a omegaverse mpreg dallyboy writer whos been an all around WEIRDOOOOO cause their brain is LITERALLY porn rotted and they cannot fathom ppl actually having fun at all, their @ is @buddyaldridge aka @pelopsides previously known as @madelynprior

in 2020-2022 the outsiders tumblr they used to be @madelynprior and theyre a hardcore dallyboy stan which is already fucking weird, but on top of that, they would make teen pregnancy omegaverse smut fics which??? and im not gonna give you the ss, nigga im givin yall the LINKKK to see it with your own eyes so you know im not crazy

how ik its them is bc on their acc RIGHT before they switched to their buddyaldridge acc, and before that acc was named “pelopides”, they used to go by “madeleinepryor”, how ik its the same person is bc on a good chunk of their post, theyd tag it as “#madeleinepryor dispatches” on top of that, they just straight up linked their ao3 acc😭😭

heres what the link goes to, they linked their ao3 acc, they just changed their username on ao3 as well from madeleinepryor to greasers

now me calling them a proshipper isnt me talking out of my ass, they say it themselves like ughhhhjjj

as for them talking about other ppl, i wont share ALL the screenshots bc idk if the ppl theyre talking bad about would rlly feel comfortable w those being posted, if they know, they can feel free to post it on their own accord, so like i said, wont share, but i HAVE seen some and i can conform that they have done it, its ABSOLUTELY NOT above them

for now ill post the ss i CAN post rn which just proves my point

now ignoring that theyre talking smack, theyre just so odd and obviously didnt rlly think this through bc 1967 is ALREADY IMPLIED in the 60s, youre just incapable of reading things that arent about teen boys getting it on w each other PLEASE get a grip on reality😭😭

theyve talked about 14 year olds and their post on their acc just to shit on them, once again, GROWN ASS PERSON TWEAKIN OVER THE IDEAS OF A 14 YEAR OLD🗣️🗣️

NOW maybe your asking “how do you know the discord user and the tumblr user are the same person” AND I WILL ADMIT, while i DO have strong feelings they are the same person, its not 100% proven, HOWEVER buddyaldridge DOES go by buddy and that discord users name is buddy, so while its not concrete, the link IS there, once again, feel free to come to whatever conclusion you wanna come to about that

but what ISNT disputable is the fact that theyre a proshitter

additionally just this??? reblog from them????

on its own, not MUCH, bit considering the fics they make this is SO weird like??????

and finally, ive heard that theyve specifically came for me about my haitian shepards and maybe even my heritage, saying that they hated race hcs??????like using me as an example, they ss my acc and talked shit, someone contacted me about it and they dont have ss of it specifically, but they can vouch for it, and im not just gonna dismiss that, bc while they dont have ss, they do have ss and proof of everything else, so i do believe them, and theyve said if they find it they would show them to me, do what you wanna with this info

ANYWAYS buddy, your brain is unironically pornrotted, ur being a lil baby who cant do anything but cry and moan online on discord of all places and ur doing all this as a 30+ year old, and its CRAZIER bc youre doing all this while having “minors dni” in your pinned post, while also writing about minors, in a fandom MOSTLY OF MIDDLE SCHOOLERS!!!! (aka minors!!! ik age is hard for you to grasp) on top of that, literally ANY and ALL race hcs is way more believable and enjoyable than any “ideas” you’ve been cooking up in that odd demented, shriveled up pea brain of urs

anyways yea, that all i have to say, and im speaking for myself here, but i mean this with every fiber of my being, i dont know how you function in life but i DO NOT want you to go any farther, and i think others would/DO feel the same, ive seen what makes you cheer and i am PROUUUDDD to make you BOOOOO, you shouldnt be near minors at all, fictional or non fictional, you should BARELY be near other adults

plus if you go onto their acc rn, notice how when anon called them out, buddy aint even say they were wrong?? JUST SAYIN🗣️🗣️

im tagging everything i can tag bc i DO NOTTTT want mfs interacting w their blog, and want as many ppl as possible to be aware, dont say anything to them, dont give them attention bc obviously they’ll think this is funny and post it on their shitty discord server or whatever and giggle like they arent a grown ass nigga w bills to pay, trying so hard to cling onto their high school days, making fics about a canon middle schooler getting banged and pregnant, pls block and report do whatever u wanna do, just plssss dont let this proshitter on this damn sight near kidssss😭😭

dont take this as me WANTING drama, i dont, i just dont want ppl coming in this fandom thinking posting this shit and doing this is ok, youre bullying ppl for doing harmless things meanwhile your just making straight porn about a weird ship left n right, thinking YOUUUUU of all ppl have the place to talk about anyone or anything like your opinion on anything is valid😭😭

you NEED stones thrown at you

if anyone has anymore ss send em to mmeeeeee, but in the mean time ill be doin my own thing wooooo‼️‼️🔥🔥

#curly shepard #ponyboy curtis #tim shepard #angela shepard #darry curtis #darrel curtis #dallas winston #sodapop curtis #johnny cade #steve randle #two bit mathews #the outsiders fandom #the outsiders 1983

[thewiz9062]

OK so

@smilingcrittersthingig 's Reborn AU has completely mentally beat my ass for the past 5 hours (compliment) so I'm just gonna. Rant.

THIS DESTROYED ME.

if I was an easy crier I actually wouldn't be typing this cause I'd be inconsolably bawling in my room

I can't even say that they're wrong for hating him, I mean he killed them and I'm not excusing him but GODDAMN I FEEL SO BAD FOR HIM AS WELL.

Like ppl joke abt how catnap is so devoted to the prototype but compared to simple "belief" He was PHYSICAL and actually tried to help him escape the hellhole that was playtime co.

(If you're not aware it's either theory or fact (i can't remember) that Theodore [Catnaps soul] had attempted an escape attempt via the help of the prototype and they got DAMN close but Theodore was fatally injured and instead of leaving him there to die the prototype had to go back and let them turn him into catnap.)

The prototype was so adamant on keeping him alive that they went back to their CAPTORS just so he wouldn't die. SHIT, I WOULDVE STARTED WORSHIPPING TOO!!! Even if he didn't make it out they didn't abandon him, so he had full belief that one day, under THEIR order, him and the rest of the critters would leave that place.

So imagine the heartbreaking moment when he realized that his fellow captors, his friends, both in form and mind, don't share the same sentiment, maybe even calling him crazy and violent.

And he just? doesn't know why??? Maybe he can admit the prototypes methods were a bit too confronting but it's not like they didn't TRY the non confrontal method. He thought they'd agree, they'd follow him but it wasn't the case.

So, well, he listened to the prototype. And that included killing his friends, yes, and it's stated (in the au) that he does regret it and I'm crying again great (positive)

And now they're all there, everyone that has either indirectly or directly been killed by him are there and they want him dead now too. AND HES PROBABLY STILL CONFUSED ON WHY THEY EVEN WENT AGAINST HIM AND WANTS TO KNOW. BUT ITS NOT LIKE HE CAN JUST GO ASK THEN THEYD ATTACK HIM PHYSICALLY OR VERBALLY ON SIGHT SO NOW HES S C A R E D OF THEM.

AND YOU CANT BLAME ANYONE BUT PLAYTIME.CO BECAUSE THEYRE ALL VICTIMS HERE. I CANT.

Oh and this.

I THOUGHT IT COULDNT GET ANY SADDER THEN YOU SHOT ME WITH THE DOOMED YAOI. HELL ITS NOT EVEN DOOMED ITS POST-DOOM. E V I L . THE FACT THAT DOGDAY PURELY HATES HIS GUTS AND WANTS HIM GONE AND DEAD THE MOST OUT OF ALL OF THEM IS GONNA KILL ME.

And then to add the final stab through my heart (compliment) I went to scourge for the enemies chart and-

HE HATES HIM SO MUCH! AND CATNAPS THE ONLY ONE OUT OF THE TWO WHO WANTS TO RECONCILE EVEN IF ITS JUST A LITTLE BIT AND WOULD MISS HIM QUITE A BIT WHILE DOGDAY JUST WANTS HIM G O N E . I CANT ANYMORE (I so can I love this)

You so did this to make people depressed for a week, it's working. And I love you for it.

Anyways we love angst in this household please keep it up I'm eating this au up for another 2 weeks buh bye

Edit: I'm so sorry for editing this so much the thoughts won't go away

#poppy playtime #smiling critters #dogday #catnap #smiling critters au #angst #AAAAANGST #IM CRYING BOTH HAPPY AND SAD TEARS AS WE SPEAK #smiling critters reborn au

[achillvs]

autistic regulus who fixates on deers after finding out james turns into one. they become his special interest and he collects little deer trinkets, trying to hide it from james bc it’s embarrassing, but he’s so excited to share stuff he’s learned and he has many questions and james finds it endearing as all hell 

#jegulus #starchaser #this has been brought to u by me buying 5 new deer fidget toys #after i lost mine last week #i am NEVER being left without one it has been awful awful awful #now i have a backup #i DARE you to get lost again #actually no please i cant go through it again #shut up matt #.. also i rly have to go settle my diagnosis stuff its been so long idek whats up with it anymore #autistic regulus black

[starjunkyard]

"Im not even sure anymore if we get to choose who our friends are" There is a part of me that resents you for making me a worse person than i want to be but i am inexplicably uncontrollably drawn to you. You make me a worse person which is the last thing i want yet i want you in every way. If i could leave i would. Maybe i can but i dont want to. I have fun with you. You challenge me and you captivate me and you push me and pull and run circles around me and it makes me feel like a younger man. For the price of being a worse person i get to feel truly, wholly alive. You are the blood that runs through my veins; vital, inseparable. I was reborn when i met you and you are the womb that haunts me. You are the one person on planet earth who knows me. I wish i could leave, move on and be the man im supposed to be but my heart is tied to yours in a gordian knot. There is a part of my soul that rests in yours, magnetic. For as long as i love you i cannot be better than i am. But maybe thats something i can learn to live with. Gregory House-- I think you're worth it.

#house md #james wilson #gregory house #hilson #johan being crazy about yaoi md #johan's mindpalace #Im crazy #like im tearing up #this scene is so romantic it genuinely makes me nauseous #the lowlight setting the lingering stares the soft little smile a dam thats finally broken #I need a 12 gauge bullet in the thigh #Please watch this scene screencaps do not do it near enough justice #do you know whats so genuinely actually sickening #its been months since i finished house md #and i have not watched a single show that has managed to fill even a quarter of the gaping bleeding hilson shaped hole in my heart #shows that have actual gay people actual representation and not a single one has managed to alter my brain chemistry the way hilson has #since day 1 episode 1 #Like its actually nauseating a little its so over for me for the rest of my life #Like im actually never recovering #people say “they dont make xyz like they used to haha” But Guys they Genuinely dont #Im going through withdrawls #I need my yaoi cocaine so bad but my plug died 12 years ago and i cant fucking Move #House md capital of fatphobia homophobia transphobia early 2000s edgy humour outshining modern shows with actual rep like im sick #Its not even because i want to like i feel like there are worms in my brain. I feel like ratatoullie if the rat was evil #This is not what the stonewall riots were for #I feel like so nausous why couldnt i be crazy about an actual gay pairing like a normal gay person. Im gonna throwup #Why couldnt i like music and girls #Its not even that house md is objectively logically better than these shows like no. Im just crazy #Im so sick they make me so sick i feel like there are worms in my head. My head #Dont know when i will ever be onorlmal again. Sorr

[opikiquu]

aventurine pl. Plea s e . PLLEEEEEEASE

#★ arin rambles #‘here we go again’ you think everytime you see my ramble tag. I dont blame you #AVENTURINE AVENTURINE PLEASE SAVE ME WHITE BOY #OH MY LORD #OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS OH MY GOODNESS. #MY JSOE IS RUNNING HES RUINNING MY LIFE I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE IM SO ILL PLEASE I #AVENTURINE. im so serious i can talk about this man all day. and more specifically this video #‘it was just posted 30 minutes ago arin youre scaring the kids’ SILENCE. I NEED SPACE #I NEED A. A MOMENT. EVERYBODY PLEAS GETA WAY FROM ME IM GOING TO GET SO SCARY #Please. Im so sorry. Im begging you . I love this man oh my gish please hes so cute #HES SO CUTE. HES SO CUTE IM SO SICK OF HIM WHY???????? WHY IS HE SO PRETTY HES SO PRETTY HES GOREGOUS HES SO STUNNING. HELLO. HELLO. #Im going to. Slam my head against the wall im overwhelmed with joy and happiness hes everything ive ever wanted ever #any minute not spent talking about him is a moment wasted i promise you MY PRINCESS IM COMING TO SAVE YOU #IM HIS KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR EXCEPT ITS NOT SHINY #IM COVERED IN DIRT #IM STILL COMING FOR YOU AVENTURINE RUN #oh goodness me oh my #im so happy hes so prettu im so happy i cant do rhis im sweating geniumnly i feel so sick #Im cant . Do this anymore. I CANT TAKE IT. I HAVE TO… AAUGH… AAAHH… I HAVE TO…. DANCE! #guys…. he my favorriet… #my slinky….. my krimpet… my teacup i think. My doc mc stuffins doctor playset. My dishwasher. My italian coldsteel cinquedea . atp anything #hes my EVERYTHING. MY EVERYTHING…!!!!!!!! *MY TELEKENISIS THROWS EVERYTTHING ACROSS THE ROOM* #yall i dont think ive had a hyperfixation this horribly bad since. Since the. Since. MAN I DONT KNOW #IM COOKED. HE WOMT LEAVE ME ALONE. I LITERALLY DREAMT OF HIM LAST NIGHT LIKE IM SO DOOMED? ACTUALLY? #oh to be medicated and focus on . Things like cooking. Or idk. Getting a job. No i just think about some messed up blonde all day im absolut #ly DOOMED #yes im still yapping i got 30 tags u gon stick through them all. Every single one of them. Dont leave me please i want to talk about him ton #TO SOMEONE. I WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM TO SOMEONE ALL DAY. ALL MY FRIENDS ARE TESTING. IM LEFT ALONE ALL DAY I JUST WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY WIFE #i womder how crazy i look right now #Sighs lovingly at him..

[youjustwaitsunshine]

when in doubt start reading the greatest epic of our time again

#nah but i legit reread that fic every time i procrastinate making important life decisions #yes issues are being had. happy martian monday this still counts #god i tore through it the first time like. i was HOOKED #i think it was barely 4m when i started i cant wrap my head around how much of the story there is #also that georgia k has said before that it's all planned out. it's funny really how the older chapters are like 'still ~5 chapters to go' #scary to think that this will actually end one day #okay real talk i know georgia k never drops the ball on anything (ogs remember the menton easter egg) #so i really need them to go to the restaurant in monza again where they went before *that* race and the chef predicted the ferrari move #and i KNOW mark probably forgot because there were bigger things and seb... well yknow. but i need this as a coincidence. serendipity. w/e. #uh rant over please ignore this i am so invested in this. also the girl with the baby. how is she will we see her again. ok finished now.

[cubedmango]

And not only are they at the risk of an unwanted adaptation but they’re also at risk of being completely misinterpreted by those same fans who only care about their actor ships… like I’m still bitter about the amount of them who were saying that the gmm version of cm would be better solely because they’ll kiss and probably do more in the physical romance aspect like . I understand wanting to have an actual on screen kiss included but most of the people who said that weren’t even fans of the show and just wanted to tear it down over something and it annoys me beyond belief because to insinuate that a show’s quality is based off of how many kisses or sex scenes it has in insane);£;)

LITERALLY ???? the fact that the only 'talking point' these people have against reasonable complains abt the quality of writing is "well the gmm versions are gonna show them kissing and/or having sex so itll automatically be better" is like ?? tell me u have literally zero standards for good television writing and that u have no idea romance stories are supposed to be Engaging and making u invested in the charas and their relationship besides just showing intimacy (mostly for views lets be real) without telling me that challenge: passed with flying colors! 👁👄👁 plus them clearly caring less abt the physical intimacy stuff in context of the charas and the story itself and how it would add to the storytelling and arcs and all but rather for their actor shipping bs like i see u people ur not subtle trust me 🤨

#also the ''why are u being haterz these actors are good'' stuff like they could be greatest actors but they cant save a shitty script sorry #u want me to think a company whose entire marketing model is pairing specific actors together to sell them as a ship for every show- #-rather than actually choosing actors fit for the role is going to give us a well-written adaptation. really. yeah im not buying that lol #ive seen some gmm stuff and besides bbs (which ive seen being called a rare exception) the rest were so clearly dependent on the actors #sigh it is So Tiring having to scroll through this stuff again.... can we go back to last week when the tags had anime stuff for once. god #i want discussions abt the anime please we Just got something for it after so long..... these guys have been debating this for a yr now 😭 #my answer

[summerlycoris]

If hw2 confirms Cassies dead or something like that I will become the next Vanny, and ring girl myself through the internet and straight out of Scott Cawthons pc.

#due to legal reasons i have to admit this is. a joke #i cannot and willnot actually ring girl through the internet and into scott cawthons house #but i will probably have a breakdown and make it everyone elses problem #so uhhhhhh #lets fucking hope huh??? #no but seriously. cassie just fucking dying is the worst way to resolve her character arc ever and if they do that #ill probably give up on fnaf actually running with good narrative ever again #cassie dyings pretty unlikely. but its not zero. i can see someone deciding to go with it for shock value even if it wouldnt fit the game #at all #anyway i cant get that thought outta my mind so here it goes onto the internet forever lmao #._. #please not my daughter steel wool #summerly talks

[cyberbullyinc]

😐

#ive been added to this gc for the 3rd or 4th time after i explicitly asked to NOT be added back bc im always fucking getting ignored like #last time the person who added me was like omg i hope this is ok and i was like no it’s actually not ok i dont wanna be added back please #dont add me back and she was like omg im so sorry i totally understand :( and she did it again 😑 #the reason i didnt wanna be added back was bc i considered them my best friends at some point but ever since like the p*ndemic started #everything just went downhill and on one hand i understand they have their own lives and don’t have time to answer etc but on the other hand #they never had time to reply to MYYYYYY messages specifically 🙃 and it hurt bitch to be always the one ignored #and the reason i havent left this time like i just didnt care to be added back was bc idc anymore like alsjfjfk im still in contact to #whoever i wanna be in contact with i still text someone individually like i don’t need to be in a group setting to be friends with this #person and she’s mentioned a bunch of times how dead it is lmao so i was like wtv i do send a text once in a blue moon but it’s not as #active as it was when i originally left so it’s not obvious when im ignored lol BUT!!!!!! #the person who added me back…. the person who IGNORED my boundaries and request to leave me the fuck alone has ignored every single message #ive sent since she added me back :) #like she literally just wants public for her little show and she did this even before i left and was the main person why i left lmao bc the #rest were like going through stuff and i was like u cant be here i get it but she’s always ANYWAYS SO ABOUT ME!!! #i literally sent a text i think yesterday? and she didn’t reply to it at all but she just started talking about herself like 😑 WHY DID U ADD #ME BACK!!!! u dont ‘miss US’ lmfao u miss that i kept the gc alive which gave u attention !!!! #i dont want to be ur fucking spectator go post it on fb #anyways end of rant 😌

[mothbeasts]

I'm either going to try and take a break from tumblr for the next few weeks or I'm going to end up being on it way more often so either way this is a heads up

#bee's buzzing #I'll explain more here in the tags. uh. #i have. two weeks exactly to get MONTHS of missing work done because of my adhd. #even on my meds that work its hard to get much done in a day and one assignment can take hours #and yes. i could ask my parents for help. but nothing they do is actually helping me? #the best thing they could do is take some of my work load off of my shoulders so i dont have to have breakdowns like this #but. the thing is. they get MAD whenever they have to do that. #last time it happened the only thing i could physically do was lay in bed and cry. and my mom was ANGRY. youd think she would understand #but no. no sympathy there. they say they just want me to be happy and then pull that and idk if i can believe it anymore? #dont want to worry anyone reading by saying this i wont act on anything but i would genuinely rather be dead than have that happen again #anyway tldr yeah im really going through it right now and i still cant function as a human being. #if anyone read this far i hope you have a wonderful day thanks for taking time out of it to read this <3 #and if anyone has any kind of advice or anything please let me know at this point I'm desperate #GOD AND. IM NOT EVEN GETTING A SUMMER BREAK THIS YEAR. I WON'T EVEN HAVE A BREAK TO REST AND RECOVER AFTER THIS.

[early-october-skies]

I can not sleep

#this actually SUCKS #my back aches and i can hear the electricity whirring through the walls #and i can feel bugs on me but i know theyre not real but i cant because what if #i cant lie still #brain is going random places #lizzietalks #i am going. #mildly insane #this close to sleeping on kitchen tile rn #havent tdone it in very long time #however #tempting #last night was constant nightmares #and now its just no sleep at all #please heavens let me sleep #j think im probably just anxious #easter is over and its time for me to return tk the city #i hate the city #i have been aboiding about how anxious i am this week so much i forgot i was #so last nights nightmares (there were four) #makes complete sense #cause why was i getting literally murdered so much #god im so tired #and i am screaming into the void cause im too ancious to actually tell anyone else because like #im bothering them and also like wtf is anyone meant to do with this information of ther than #lizzie is depressed again #the only times i have left my house this past two weeks is because i made plans to make sure id leave #all the while being completely fine™ #because i dont want anyone to know i am indact depressed again #because ill become sad lizzy is fucking sad again

[vse-kar-vem]

hihi vent post incoming (tldr im pretty sure everyone hates me and also im gonna fail all my exams)

#first off i did NOT end up studying! probable executive dysfunction went and got me again! i only managed to study a tiny but before and #now im procrastinating. again. killing myself ! 😁 im actually gonna fail rs tomorrow like who CARES about rs ofuhrkdkfkf it's bad. it's so #bad im in the trenches rn ..... #i can physically feeling my brain shriveling the longer i spend online maybe if i finish typing i can get it together and start fucking stu #dying!!!!!! #second this whole i keep posting things then immediately getting second thoughts and deleting 😭😭😭 like its so embarrassing on twitter #discord tumblr everything????? can i not talk to people in a calm and measured fashion???? WHY do i keep typos ???? i am so socially inept #it's not even funny. im sooo fucked #maybe i am a teen going through and it's the hormones making me overthjnk everything buttt #i want normal pills!!!! i dont wanna get diagnosed for anything i just wanna try some medication and see if it fixes me !!! please!!!!!!!! #i.actually need to study or im fucked #so #uh #yeah #id much rather fail rs than history cuz i like history so i have to be normal by tomorrow wish me liuck!!!!!!! #ok so maybe this ventpost is not sad and upset more overwhelmed and angy at myself. whatever! I SHOULDNT HAVE WASTED ALL OF LAST NIGHT #DRAWING FUKDHFKDKFK #wish i could just undo today cant lie 😭 taken a WALK at least instead of languishing but now its 10 pm and im running out of time #im continueing to waste time on tumblr ok no. i AM going to study #vee rambles #proofread this .... also typo ridden! im stupid and i cant speak english someone pulverize me ！ #also my bried venture onto twitter .... disastrous . i think i've turned many people from neutral or even positive about me to firmly #irritated. great! classic me fikejfldlflslmglslf < keysmash of anger

[infizero]

SCAR SAID YES TO HIM NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

#SCREAMING CLAWING AT THE WALLS STOPPPPPPSTOPSTOSTPOTPSOTSPSTOPS STOP IT NOW #ARE YOU FUCKING FOR REAL. THERES NO WAY I CANT DO THIS GET ME OUT GET ME OUT GET ME OUT #please tell me its just we're friends we're allies not. we're actually teaming together. i cant go through this again #lord have fucking mercy. the noise i let out #serena.txt #serena.live #slsmp spoilers #i literallyfucking feel like the best friend trying to convince him he shouldnt goback to his toxic ex this is terrible

[moonlitlex]

deleting my long post to rephrase it to this: some of yalls reactions to the club thing is immediately shut down something you've never experienced and have a lot of misconceptions about (like i've seen multiple people say they've never been to the club because they don't do fun things like have themes). and i think. you should be more open to new experiences. you don't have to like the club or even really go to the club but shutting down the idea of doing a whole category of activity without ever trying it is just going to shut you off from experiencing new and potentially enjoyable things.

and this also happens like. pretty much every time a "you should do this thing that i think is fun" post starts making the rounds it becomes about how it's soooooo unreasonable to expect the mostly adult userbase of this website to try new things and be open to new experiences just because people on here have social anxiety or sensory issues or xyz other thing that makes it harder to do some things.

but they also have this extremely strong aversion to experiencing anything unpleasant at all. like i've seen people on that post talk about how they can't watch tv where characters die because it's upsetting. but the thing is if you never experience things that are unpleasant you are going to be that same person forever.

like it fucking sucks to hear for me to this day but the only way you can get over your social anxiety is by doing things that cause that anxiety. and you should never be forced to do them. you should choose to. but you have to do them or the anxiety will literally just get worse forever. do it scared. do it alone. do it while crying, even. but do it. i used to burst into tears at the idea of going up to a cashier to pay for my stuff. and i don't anymore because i did it scared and alone and while feeling like i was going to pass out.

this isn't really about the club. it's about the way people on here react to literally any post that says something along the lines of "you should do stuff"

#alexis.exe #like yeah you have xyz issue #sick list of symptoms now try humanizing your behaviour dot post etc #also genuinely think a lot of people on here were not socialized properly #and thats not your fault but it is unfortunately your responsibility #like yeah tumblr is the weird outcast loner website but like #you cant go through your entire life like this bestie you have to do the thing that sucks and reap the rewards of like. #experiencing new things #and growing as a person #even just sensory stuff like i used to throw up every time i ate a banana but then i started eating them bc of convenience #and now i dont #still not the most pleasant texture #but like genuinely. the texture is not going to kill you #not telling you to force yourself to experience textures you can't stand #i am saying however that sometimes the bad thing is actually not that bad #hell sometimes i've tried a foot with a detestable texture years later and found that it's literally fine and i had no issue with it #sometimes i try things i hated after years and it turns out i actually like them #i periodically try foods i cant stomach again just in case i've changed my mind #literally just please be open to new experiences at least #you dont have to re try things you hated but at least try things you haven't tried #it will improve your life. it's good for your brain. you need enrichment

[justtogetthrough]

It’s always funny being in a mental health crisis and having someone external be like uuuh have you thought about going to the hospital? And it’s like no, actually. Because hospitals turn everyone away even when they’re at great risk to themselves and others so nothing about the ER comes up in my mind because it’s always a tiresome and humiliating waste of time and they don’t actually ever wanna help. It is not an option I ever think about.

My friend was like but… you haven’t slept in 2 days, likely aren’t going to sleep tonight, and this kind of PTSD flare up has led to psychosis in the past, are you sure they’d turn you away?

And honestly? Not for that lol. When it comes to self harm they absolutely do not give a fuck but if I present saying I haven’t slept in days, this has triggered psychotic symptoms in the past, and this is potentially a problem that can be treated with ~drugs~ instead of actual mental health help, maybe I should consider the hospital 🤔

I just don’t know what to do about work this week and I’m taking it one day at a time bc I have actual children depending on me right now and can’t disappear but if I’m not sleeping still by Monday morning I’m gonna be in no shape to work and I might have to tell my manager regardless of whether I just take time off to sit through this hell on my own or maybe go to the hospital to see if they’ll admit me to experiment on me with drugs ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’m honestly curious if they could find something that’d work. Nothing in my bedroom pharmacy has done a THING to reduce the agitation.

#I also don’t wanna be admitted while these are the last few weeks of my cats’ life but #this up all night in severe agitation isn’t gonna be manageable after a point #tonight I’m overdosing on xanax to see if it helps lmao I’m supremely tolerant to it apparently so the dose I took should be equivalent #to my prescribed dose just… adjust to inflation lawl #I told my friend how much I took and what I expect to happen so if they don’t hear from me tomorrow they know what to tell paramedics l o l #this is safety planning I swear #I would readily go to hospital bc I do think this is something that could get me admitted and ordinarily I’d be like YES PLEASE. CANT MANAGE #but #work. and my cat. #why could this PTSD episode not have waited a month. I was gonna take personal time after my cat is put down anyway #perfect time for a hospitalization #now? fuck. worst time possible and yet. if I am awake all night again going through torture from my own brain #idk. PTSD is unreal. I still don’t think my actual trauma justifies PTSD this severe and yet here I am #personal #actuallytraumatized #also lol #sleeping pill cocktails #this dose of xanax should realistically be impairing me but I do doubt it. in this state my body is immune to everything #that’s how I even started the cocktail tag lol the shit I’ve mixed to try and break through the impermeability