#YOU ARE NOT READY FOR THE PERSON I AM WHEN MCR | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

anautumncarol · 1 year

Text

thank you @chrxsify for tagging me!!! sorry for taking so long to do it, hope i did this correctly

1. Birthday?

30/11

2. Favorite color?

okay so i technically have 5 but they’re all a mix of each other at this point so: white, blue, purple, red and black

3. How tall are you?

168cm ish.

4. How many pair of shoes to you own?

technically i own a bunch since i never throw away the old ones but you’ll probably find me wearing my doc martens and now occasionally kickers (whenever i’m required to wear flat shoes i do have vans because they’re the comfiest shoes and try and find nice shoes in a size 42 or above in the women’s section (why are men’s shoes so boring????), vans has got you covered by sizing ridiculously big).

5. Favorite song?

I don’t really have one although i’ll have to say passion for publication by anarbor, 0325 by skz, sicilienne by fauré (not rlly a song i know), intywidfal by mcr, gold medal ribbon by ptv and a night like this by the cure constitute a solid foundation of songs?

6. Favorite movie?

i dont really watch movies but maybe a monster in paris?

7. Who would be your ideal partner?

im not sure since i’ve honestly got neither the time nor patience to even think of being in a relationship so i guess i’ll say kim seungmin because being chronically a seungmin simp is half of my personnality

8. Do you want children?

not my own, that’s for sure. maybe one day i’ll adopt but kids are tiring man

9. Have you gotten in trouble with the law?

Not officially

10. What color socks are you wearing?

none, i’m wearing slippers

11. Favorite type of music?

anything except maybe dubstep, it gives me major headaches, and reggae, i just can’t seem to enjoy it. rock is probably my favourite since it’s such a broad genre and just i do prefer more types of rock than types of pop or kpop or rap etc

12. How many pillows do you sleep with?

4 pillows and 4 other throw pillows under my feet to keep my legs elevated because bad blood circulation bb (dont ask me how i fit so much shit on a single bed, idk either)

13. What position do you sleep in?

on my side or sometimes twisted so my torso is on it’s back

14. What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?

my own thoughts ngl, its so hard to fall asleep with those running through my brain

15. Have you tried archery?

i have a very peculiar relationship with archery because its a sport i’ve always wanted to do and that from the few times i’ve done it i’m actually decent at and am just realy disappointed with the fact i never got to exploit my full potential because i really do love it (same with other aiming things like i always get prices at fairs with the rifle stalls despite it being the only time i actually use them).

16. Favorite fruit?

pineapples are the only fruits i’ll ever eat willingly

17. Are you a good liar?

decent enough to get away with a few things

18. What’s your personality type?

intp

19. Innie or outie?

innie, just for the sole excuse that i’m a hermit and that the word reminds me of jeongin

20. Left or right handed?

right handed

21. Favorite food?

i’m assuming it means food from home country and idk, maybe cordon bleu?

22. Favorite foreign food?

as much as i love mexican and ethiopian food and currywurst, nothing beats indian food (although nepali food absolutely kills as well)

23. Are you clean or messy?

messily organised. really depends with what, like my room is a mess 99% of the time but my bookshelf, mangateque, cd and album collection are always neatly organised

24. Most used phrase?

“your mum/ta mère” “fun fact” “tips and tricks” “border” “ ’tain” and a few others

25. How long does it take you to get ready?

i basically will do my “routine” as fast or slow as required depending on how much time i have. shortest i tend to do it is like 5-10 minutes and it really doesn’t need more that 45 minutes at most

26. Do you talk to yourself?

all the time. i also talk to myself in third person whilst talking to others which becomes kind of a problem when one of your best friends has the same name as you

27. Do you sing to yourself?

only when im home alone, it shuts the dogs up and is pretty fun

28. Are you a good singer?

haha, next

29. Biggest fear?

the unknown i guess?

30. Are you a gossip?

depends who i’m with

31. Long or short hair?

i don’t really care, depends what suits the person’s face in my opinion

32. Favorite school subject?

that’s a really hard question but maybe philosophy, maths, literature (although i dont have it anymore smh), physics-chemistry, drama and like history back when i didn’t have the teacher i currently do

33. Extrovert or introvert?

ambivert, really

34. What make you nervous?

phone buzzing, i absolutely fucking despise it. and then things like school and life in general although that’s more axiousness

35. Who was your first crush?

i don’t think i’ve ever really had a crush but maybe nico di angelo??

36. How many piercings do you have?

except my lobes i have a helix and a second lobe and i’ll be getting a second helix this summer

37. How many tattoos do you have?

nichts, i don’t think my commitment issues will allow me although i love tattoos

38. How fast can you run?

i am the exception to physics for i can travel 174 au per day

39. What color is your hair?

dirty blond/dirty brown

40. What colour are your eyes?

like an aggregation of colours but i guess the main ones are blue and grey and like yellow

41. What makes you angry?

anything as long as i’m tired enough

42. Do you like your name?

i have nothing against it

44. What are your strengths?

idk, maybe my ability to adapt to different situations?

45. What are your weaknesses?

maybe the fact i get riled up easily by the most random shit?

46. What’s the color of your bedspread?

i think it’s like white with dots rn

47. What’s the color of your room?

walls are white and purple but other than that it’s kinda anything goes with my room’s colours, ngl.

1 note · View note

thedarkcaustic · 2 years

Text

When We Were Young

I guess I want to talk about it.

I’m home alone. Sober and sad and sort of desperate for a hug.

I spent the weekend in Vegas with my best friend from childhood. We got tickets to When We Were Young and were lucky enough that ours were for the Sunday show and not the cancelled Saturday show.

I just have so many fucking feelings, I don’t even know where to begin. Lots of good feelings - it was amazing. It was amazing to be there, to see so many people excited to show that the music and the fashion and the feeling lived long beyond seventeen. In my experience, everyone was polite, even in the sun, in the lines, like we were all somehow strangers and friends. We were all revisiting the ghost of our youth.

It’s the closest thing to a religious experience I’ve had in a long time. And when I was a goth little teen, I was also a very devout Christian and somehow the music and the scene played into my faith. That’s something I don’t much feel like explaining these days. I never felt like my love of all things emo, my suicidal thoughts and self-harming behaviors made me a bad Christian.

I’m an atheist now. Which is neither here nor there.

It honestly felt like a pilgrimage. It’s sacrilegious. My flights to Vegas were full of the muttering of multiple people on the same journey as me - all of us going to that patch of asphalt in the desert. Standing out in the sun waiting to get into the venue, I was struck with a nostalgia that threatened to close my throat. We are all who we always were - teenagers that want to scream along to our favorite songs.

When I was younger, I didn’t think there was a point in going to a show unless you were going to be right up against the stage. At seventeen, I stood in line for eight hour or so to be as close to My Chemical Romance as possible. I was functionally only a few feet away from the stage. I got heatstroke for my efforts and was violently ill the rest of the night.

Having no desire to to get crushed, we stood in the back of this show. It was still incredible when they took the stage.

We all certainly felt our age - people trickling off before the last bands were done. I woke up the next morning and felt like absolute dogshit - standing in the sun for some thirteen or so hours really took a toll on my body. We aren’t young anymore. But I still can’t believe I’m an adult.

Throughout the event, I saw shirts and pins and signs that said things to the effect of, “It wasn’t a phase.” There is something so rightfully sweet about acknowledging that it isn’t a phase - that we may have all gotten our degrees and our office jobs and wear mild, professional clothing on the day to day. But given half a chance, we are busting out all the black again. We are still ourselves, underneath our grown up cosplay.

For me, that’s the heart of it - I am, somehow, the most distilled version of my teenage self. I just now have an income, and coping skills, a fully formed frontal lobe. But who I was - lonely, angry at injustice, ready for life to start, queer, wanting to make a positive change in the world - all of that is still here. Still me.

It’s been hard to listen to MCR, Taking Back Sunday, the Used, We the Kings, and the Starting Line for many years. Sometimes it brings me back to that powerless place of teenagehood. Sometimes it brings me back to the powerful friendships I had. To the long drives on the desert highways. To my desire to grow into a world-changing adult. To my angry, uncontrollable desire for love. To the sense of helplessness I felt over my life. And those parts are hard to touch. Those parts of my teenage self are hard to engage with. Because my life didn’t unfold the way I thought it would when I was young.

This is all to say - I don’t listen to these bands on the regular like I did as a teen. They don’t live in my car’s radio like they did my senior year of high school. But the chance to see them in person, to go back, to be this version of myself meeting the teenage version of myself - that was an experience I couldn’t pass up.

I’m still struggling to put it into words - the sorrow and the joy. The grief and the nostalgia. The contentment and the overstimulation. The past and the present.

#jd rambles

1 note · View note

this-is-where-i-hide-my-bullshit · 2 years

Note

What!! I totally get your reasoning, but what mcr/frank songs have you not heard yet? I’m so curious now lol

I'm not answering the mcr one because there's no answer that ends with me not being crucified. But yeah, I really don't like running out of new things to experience in my special interests. It took me TWO YEARS to watch the last 3 episodes of Star Trek tos because it's one of my all time favorite shows, and I still haven't watched the original movies because then there won't be any more to watch.

As for the Frank songs... most of them because his voice makes me feel insane. It's not as severe as it used to be so I'm slowly becoming acclimated but like. I am not ready for all of it yet. The way he sings in Losing my religion and that one live recording of Kids from yesterday make me feel many emotions very deeply. And that's just the tip of the iceberg... I can listen to LeATHERMøUTH like a normal person tho.

I usually have a good judgment of when I'm in the right head space to experience something. Sometimes it's best to wait until you know it's the right time.

1 note · View note

katerina-khimera · 2 years

Note

For the “top 5” ask game:

• Top 5 songs that you could listen to on repeat!

• Top 5 healthy coping mechanisms or self care strategies!

• Top 5 favorite colors that you think go together!

Top 5 songs (not in particular order):

MCR - Mama (the queer is strong in this one)

Paramore - Ignorance (my top breakup song)

Kikuo - 愛して愛して愛して (Love me, Love me, Love me... this song hits really hard as someone with serious golden child syndrome)

Chopin - Nocturne in C# Minor (not a song, but I love Chopin)

Tool - Jerk (I love listening to this song when I'm angry haha)

Top 5 self-care/coping strategies (also not in particular order):

Actually trying to sleep. There's been studies that have shown that even laying down and trying to sleep is better for your brain than staying fully awake. Which makes sense, since you're resting your body and mind. I've noticed I feel a lot better if I keep a decent nighttime routine.

I have different drinks for different tasks, it helps me get into certain headspaces. Whenever I am getting ready for relaxation or to sleep, I drink hot tea. Whenever I am getting ready to study or get into some serious drawing, I drink coffee or milk tea. I always have a water along with any other drink so I can replenish my water as well!

Put things around your room that make you happy, and don't be ashamed if they're childish. If you can, purchase little things to decorate that make you happy. Stuffed animals comfort me and help me sleep, I'm 18 and I still sleep with them!

Learn to talk to yourself, but in a comforting way. Whenever I'm in crisis I imagine myself as a person I care about, and I take care of that person. I used to have to dissociate myself from the person I was imagining, but now that I like myself more, I am happier taking care of myself. Talk to your inner child or whatever you call your more vulnerable self.

Have an artistic hobby. You don't have to be good, and don't be ashamed to create weird art.

I don't quite understand the last ask, so I'll do my top 5 favorite colors (in particular order) and my top favorite color combos.

Favorite colors:

Red

Pink

Lilac

Black

Robin's egg blue

Favorite color combos:

Black and pink

Light pink and lilac

Green and brown

Pink, purple, blue

Black and red

Thank you for the ask!!

#ask #answer #weapons-of-clairvoyance

0 notes

blooming-violets · 2 years

Text

Only Hope || TASM One Shot

Summary: Peter’s girlfriend knows he’s making a mistake by letting her go. Neither of them want this but he’s scared. When she’s continuously ignored, she takes matters into her own hand. [from this request] (Peter x Reader)

Warnings: Reader purposely gets herself into danger with little to no regard for her life. Alcohol use and gang activity.

A/N: I’m relieving my MCR emo high school days. I stole some lyrics from Only Hope For Me Is You and Save Yourself, I’ll Hold Them Back to base this fic around. I used to love to write fics based off certain songs when I was in high school so this is bringing me back to 2010. Only Hope is the first half from the Readers perspective. Save Yourself is the second half from Peter’s pov.

Tag List: @ongreenergrasses @captaindanvxrs @liz-allyn @coolchick333 @mrshipsmcgeenon @andiforgetaboutyoulongenoughh

Only Hope For Me Is You

Remember me Remember me

“I can’t keep putting you danger,” Peter cried.

Tears streamed down your cheeks as you tried to take in what he was saying. He was breaking up with you. You shook your head, not ready to give him up. Not like this.

“I’m okay, Peter! Look at me! They didn’t hurt me.” You held out your arms to show him you weren’t hurt. You had survived a run in with a crew of mobsters looking to get their hands on Spider-Man. Peter had jumped in to rescue you before anything got too out of control. Still, seeing you in the middle of the those dangerous men, it was enough to shake him. He was having doubts. He was scared.

“That doesn’t matter! You could have been! If I wasn’t there...” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair and tugged at a fistful of strands.

“But you were there,” your voice broke. “Pete. You can’t. You can’t leave me. What am I going to do without you? ”

This wasn’t fair. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.

He wasn’t leaving you because he no longer loved you. He was leaving you because he thought it would keep you safe. This wasn’t the way to do it. This wasn’t right. Both of your would just end up miserable and alone.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I can’t risk it.”

Where, where will we stand? When all the lights go out Across these city streets Where were you when All of the embers fell I still remember there Covered in ash Covered in glass

Months had gone by. Peter refused to answer your calls. He was purposely shutting you out. You knew him better than anyone. You knew what he was doing. He thought if he iced you out you would forget about him and move on. He was wrong. It only made you crave him more. You needed him.

It was so sudden.

One second he was your whole world and, the next, you were left with nothing. You’re heart couldn’t take it. It hurt too much. The days felt like they dragged by. Every hour felt doubled. Time moved so slow without Peter. What was it moving towards? There was no point if he wasn’t there. Emptiness. Quiet. Nothing. There was nothing.

You couldn’t remember the last time you ate or slept. You knew you must have been doing those things because you were still alive. There were just no memories of it. A cloud of confusion followed you where ever you went. You had forgotten how to live without him. Pathetic. The kind of women you would had scoffed at years ago. How could one person center their whole life around another? That was absurd. Until you met Peter. Then you understood all the stories. It all made sense. One person, very well, could crawl into your veins and fill you with their life force until you fused together and were breathing as one.

Now he was gone and you had forgotten how to breathe on your own.

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself,” Becca, your best friend, cut through your cloud of thoughts and tugged at your arm. “Come on. We’re going out. I’m going to find you a cute boy to bring home. You’re going to get over this.”

You let your head lull onto your shoulder and you sighed, “I don’t want anyone else. I only want-”

“Peter. Yes, I know. You only want Peter,” she replied. “But he dumped you. I can’t keep watching you sit here and waste away into nothing. You need to get back out there.” She stopped and snuggled up on the couch beside you. “Look, we don’t have to go find you a guy to hook up with but I do need to get you out of the house. What if we went out to a bar like we used to? We could listen to live music, get drunk, eat crappy food. It’ll be fun.”

Fun. Fun wasn’t a word that still existed in your vocabulary.

Becca looked at you with her big, brown eyes. She was trying so hard. You didn’t want to disappoint her. You couldn't lose anyone else.

“Okay,” you sighed.

A smile spread across her face. She leapt off the couch. “You go take a shower! I’m going to pick out your outfit and get you looking beautiful tonight. It’ll be worth it. This is exactly what you need.”

If there's a place that I could be Then I'd be another memory Can I be the only hope for you? Because you're the only hope for me

“I’m not wearing this,” you said while looking down at the outfit Becca had laid out for you on the bed.

“Why not? You’ll look hot.” She picked up a body con dress and held it up to your figure. “I think you’ll look great. After a break up you’re supposed to be super sexy to show the world what it’s missing out on.”

You shook your head, “Absolutely not. My entire ass would hang out of that thing if I put it on.”

Becca gave you a frustrated sigh and tossed the dress back on the bed, “Fine. I figured you’d bitch about it so I picked out option two.”

She pulled out a pair of skin tight, black jeans, a little top, and a heeled boot. “And I’ll even let you wear my leather jacket over it if it’ll make you feel less exposed.”

You still weren’t pleased with the idea of the going out but, at least, this clothing option was less revealing. You reluctantly got dressed and Becca did your hair and makeup. The mirrored reflection staring back you now resembled the most well dressed, depressed person you had ever seen.

“You look beautiful,” Becca said. She placed a quick kiss to your cheek. “We’re going to have fun. We can make fun of all the creeps eyeing us up all night like we used to. You never know, someone might even catch your eye.”

You responded with nothing but a little grunt. You were already tired.

And if we can't find where we belong We'll have to make it on our own Face all the pain and take it on Because the only hope for me is you, alone

“Look over there,” Becca leaned across the sticky, wooden table and whispered to you. “Those two guys have been staring at us since we walked in.”

You subtly glanced over to where she was indicating. Sure enough, two college aged men were looking in your direction. You caught one of their eyes and he gave you a smile. You didn’t return it.

“Oh, come on,” she nudged your foot under the table. “Flirt a little! You can’t be sad forever. A little harmless flirting never hurt anyone.”

With a few drink already in your system, you felt a shift happen inside you. An idea floated through your hazed out mind and a small smile grew on your lips. Becca was right. A little harmless flirting never hurt anyone...except when it did.

You slipped out of your chair and sauntered over to the two men. They both straightened up when you approached. You rested your arms on their table, pushing your breasts together and leaning forward slightly to better expose your cleavage.

You gave them each a sultry grin, “Would either of you fine, young gentlemen want to buy my friend and I another drink?”

They both scrambled at the chance.

Before you knew it, the four of you were drinking and laughing together. Becca had picked which guy she wanted to entertain for the night so you took the other. It didn’t matter to you which one you got. All that mattered was that you had a man to flirt with. You kept feeding him more drinks, watching him get sloppier as the night went on. At some point you took out your phone to take a few pictures. You got one with the many empty glasses on your tables, one of Becca posing sexily against the wall, and one of you downing a beer. Then you leaned back against your new friend’s chest.

“Hey, let’s take a picture!” You held the phone up, drawing your arm around his neck and pulling him towards you. “Kiss my neck,” you ordered him.

He gladly obliged. You bit your bottom lip and gave the camera a provocative look as if you were really turned on by what he was doing. Then you lifted his head to your lips. His tongue slipped into your mouth while you snapped the camera to capture a series of sloppy kisses. The second you got what you wanted, you shoved him away again, completely uninterested.

“You’re a really weird one,” he slurred his words at you.

You ignored him and reviewed the pictures. They would be the perfect bait. You posted them to your Instagram stories. You knew Peter would see them. Even if he was avoiding you, you knew how he was. He’d be keeping tabs on you. Maybe it was the alcohol flooding your brain but your new plan was forming and taking shape. Tonight, you would finally see Peter again. You would do whatever it took.

How it should you be Many years after the disasters that we've seen What we have learned Other than people burn in purifying flame

It was easier to escape Becca’s watchful eye than you anticipated. All you had to do was beg her to let you go back home with this drunk man. You didn’t even remember the name he told you. The poor girl thought you were getting over Peter. She thought you were healing by allowing yourself to have a one night stand. She gave you her blessing, made you promise to text her his address when you arrived, and keep her in the loop if you needed anything. You gave her an empty promise and a hug goodbye. You wouldn’t be making it back to his place, you just needed to leave Becca behind.

The chill of the night air surrounded you the second you walked outside. Your mind felt foggy and you were a little unstable on your feet. It was becoming apparent that you had drank a little more than you intended. You clung onto the man’s arm in an attempt to better steady yourself.

“What was your name again?” You asked him.

“Gary,” he responded.

You snorted and scrunched up your nose in disgust, “Like Spongebob’s pet snail?”

He blinked in confusion, “What?”

You glanced up at him. The guy was more faded than you were. The poor thing. You were going to take advantage of his intoxication to sneak away when the time came.

You were about ten blocks away from the bar when the wind blew in your direction. A familiar smell hit your nose and your skin tingled with excitement.

It was the faint, but distinct, smell of Peter’s cologne.

You’d recognize that smell anywhere. Your eyes darted around for the source of it. There weren’t many other people of the streets. It had to of been him. He was here. He was watching you. You could feel it. You knew posting those picture would lure him out. He’d want to make sure you were safe. He was always so protective over you when you were drunk. Your plan was working. It was time to ditch Gary. He had served his purpose of helping bring Peter to you. Now he had to go.

You stopped walking and leaned over to Gary, “Listen, buddy. It’s been lovely but I have to go.”

He paused and looked at you in confusion, “I thought we were going to go back to my place?”

You gently patted his shoulder and gave him a sad smile, “I’m sorry, bud. Not this time. I just can’t bring myself to let a man named Gary touch me. It’s not your fault. It’s your parents for naming you that.”

He sputtered out a response but you were already walking away, leaving him behind, for you to continue on your plan.

Can I be the only hope for you? Because you're the only hope for me

You quickly walked deeper into the city. There was a place Peter had told you about. He had warned you never to go there. It was heavy with gang activity and criminals. Recently on the news, you had heard about a group of men who were making a game out of their crimes. They would stalk their victims and film their mugging. They'd beat the people half unconscious, steal everything on them, then leave them for dead. Men, women, old, or young they didn't care. It was all a game to them. You had been unfortunate enough to view some their graphic footage that played on the evening news. Most of it was blurred out but you got the idea. These were not people you wanted to mess with but were exactly the kind that you needed.

Your heart sped up as you crossed the line into the bad part of town. Even the air felt different here. It felt thick and dirty in your lungs. Broken street lamps lined the cracked sidewalks, providing no extra light in the darkness. This was a stupid idea. You were officially insane. What if you had just imagined Peter’s cologne? What if it was another man wearing it? He might not even be following you. You very well could be all alone. You stopped and paused on the broken down side walk. Your eyes scanned the buildings around you. There was no sign of Peter that you could see. This was a bad idea. You were drunk and stupid and needed to turn around right now before you really ran into trouble.

“Where you going, pretty lady?” A deep voice called out from across the street. “That looks like a nice purse you got there. Mind if we take a look at what’s inside?”

Your heart sank. A group of large men appeared out of the alley behind him. You kept your head down and tried to walk as quickly as possible back to where you came from. You were too far away. You had gone too far. You should have stayed with Becca. Peter wasn’t here. He never was. He left you. He broke up with you. Whatever trouble you were about to get into would be entirely your fault.

Their footsteps started getting louder behind you. They were beginning to run to catch up with you. You had to protect yourself. You had to get out. You started running.

Your heart was pounding in your ears as you ran through the dark city streets. Your legs pumped harder under you to keep you moving forward. You could still hear the group of men behind you. They were right on your heels. You dove into an alley as a weak attempt to lose them.

Only there was a chain link fence with barbed wire curled on top blocking the way through.

Your stomach turned. This was it. You were trapped.

The men surrounded you with sneering smiles. One of them held a camera. They had to be the one’s you had heard about on the news. You prayed that Peter was following you. He was the last hope you had left.

“Stay away from me,” you tried to make your voice sound strong. It only came out weak and shaky with fear. “You’ll regret this. I know Spider-Man. He won’t let you get away.”

The group laughed at your useless threats. Spider-Man had chosen not to love you anymore. He chose to leave you. Your threats were empty and they saw right through them.

"Aw, she knows Spider-Man. That's so cute," the one with the camera taunted you. “Where is he then? Huh? Where’s that Spider-Man hiding? Spidey, come out and play!” He called up to the black night sky. When nothing happened he leaned down and held the camera close to your face. "Looks like he’s not around. Smile for the camera, baby. We like to get a good before and after shot to see how broken we can make that pretty face. This one will be fun. An added twist to the plot. Alright, guys, let's see how pissed off we can make good, old Spidey tonight.”

Their circle tightened closer around you. You closed your eyes and flinched away, bracing yourself for what would come next.

A thud landed directly in front of you. Your eyes peaked open to see Peter in full costume standing up slowly in front of you, his body was tense and blocking your from their view, his masked face stared menacingly at the men. Some of them gasped in shock and took a step back.

“What’s the matter?” Peter growled at them. “I thought you wanted to play.”

The only hope for me The only hope for me is you The only hope for me is you The only hope for me is you The only hope for me is you

Save Yourself, I’ll Hold Them Back

I hope you're ready for a firefight 'Cause the devil's got your number tonight We're never leavin' this place alive But if you sing these words, we'll never die

Every single one of Peter’s senses was on high alert as he stood in front of her. Rage was coursing through and burning up his veins. There were eight of them and one of him. He carefully eyed up each man, studying their faces and searching them for any apparent weakness. Some shot nervous looks to the man holding the camera to see how he would react. He must be the leader.

Peter positioned himself right in front of the camera and tapped on the lens. He could see his masked reflection staring back at him. “A Canon DSLR. What’s a guy like you doing with a camera like this? What kind of things were planning on filming with it? I’m sure this little beauty isn’t full of incriminating evidence against you.”

The man tried to pull the camera away but Peter snatched it out of his hand before he could. He flung it up against the wall and webbed it high in place, “I think I’ll be saving that for later. I’m sure the police would love to see your artistic vision.”

Losing the camera was enough to set them off. Two men attempted to jump onto him. Peter easily side stepped them both and sent a flurry of rapid webs after them to incapacitate them. He watched a man in the back of the group back away slowly then turn to run into the street. Peter let him go. The low level guys weren’t his priority. It was the muscle and the leader that he wanted.

He could still feel her behind him. He was torn between swinging her out of there and potentially loosing the thugs, or dealing with them and potentially having her be in harms way. As long as she was tucked safety behind him at all times then he might be able to do both. He could do this. He could save her and stop them.

Get off the ledge and drop the knife Not a victim of a victim's life Because this ain't a room full of suicides We're believers, I believe tonight

Peter knew exactly why she had done what she did. It was his fault. She was only in this mess because he refused to see her. He had been hiding from her, hoping that she would move on, but he should have known better. They lived for each other. She was his other half. A part of his soul. Two people tied together. He couldn’t sever that bond no matter how hard he tried.

He just wanted to protect her. In the end, he only put her deeper into the fight.

Every night he would secretly visit her window. Sometimes he’d be greeted to the soft sounds of her labored breathing while she slept. Other times, he’d be forced to listen to her quiet sobs. The sound of her cries would drive a knife through his heart every time knowing that he was the one who caused her pain.

He desperately wanted to jump through her window and take it all back. He wanted to steal her away. Make her his again. Pretend like he never blew up their lives. Only he could be the one to fix them.

Now, as he felt her behind him, he longed to pull her into his arms once more. He could still have her. She still wanted him. That’s why she was here. For him.

Peter wasn’t going to let her down again.

We can leave this world, leave it all behind We can steal this car if your folks don't mind We can live forever If you've got the time

If it was a fist fight between the group of guys and Peter, he knew he would easily win. He had already whittled them down to four men. One had ran away and the other’s were pinned either to a wall or the ground. For a moment, he thought he might be able to end this quickly. He was getting the upper hand.

One of them ran at him with a knife drawn. Peter ducked under his arm and rolled out of the way. The second he was back on his feet, he had webbed the guy’s arm and tugged him back. Peter jumped on him, tossing away the knife, and attacked his face with his gloved fists. He pounded out all his anger and months of build up frustration against his face and felt the bones of his skull crack under the weight of the blows. He was so preoccupied with hurting the man that he failed to notice the leader of the group easily step past him towards her.

It wasn’t until he heard the distinct click of a gun being cocked that his attention returned to what was really important.

“Peter,” he heard her whisper.

His head whipped around and he stood up.

The large man had the love of his life wrapped up in his thick arms. A handgun was pointed directly into the side of her head. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks and her lip quivered as she looked at him with pleading eyes.

“What’s the matter, Spidey?” He sneered. “You thought you were going to win this fight?”

The two remaining men grabbed onto each of his arms to hold him in place.

I'll tell you all how the story ends Where the good guys die and the bad guys win This ain't about all the friends you made But the graffiti they write on your grave

Peter knew he could shake off the men holding him in a matter of seconds but he remained passive to please the leader.

“Let her go,” he spoke with authority to hide his panic. “You don’t need her. I’ll give you back your camera and you can go. I won’t go to the police. I won’t come after you. Just let me take her home.”

The leader laughed, “At this point, you’ve both seen too much. I don’t make bargains with vigilantes.” His finger moved towards the trigger.

Peter’s senses slowed everything down. He saw it coming before it even happened. His hands flipped over to grab hold of the two men holding him back. He lifted each of them in the air and slammed them down onto the concrete, cracking it with the force at which their bodies were thrown into it. Then he fired off a web right at the leaders hand, catching it around his wrist, and pulling it away from her head, straight towards himself instead just as the gun went off.

He saw the bullet fly towards him. He knew if he didn’t move it would hit him directly in the chest. His reflexes worked quickly to spin his body out of the way. He felt the fiery heat graze across his chest, ripping open his suit, as it skimmed over the surface of his skin just as he turned sideways to avoid the direct hit. There wasn’t any time to think about how close to death he came.

Peter threw himself through the air, launching at the leader, and grabbing the gun from his hand. He spun it around, cracking the handle against the top of his head, knocking him out cold. Then he held the gun pointed at his unconscious body while he stood over him. His chest rose and fell with heavy breaths. He wanted to pull the trigger. He wanted to end this miserable man’s life.

A gentle hand reached out and carefully lowered the gun. He’d know that touch anywhere. He could identify it with his eyes closed. It was the one had been craving for the past few months. A shiver ran through him as her hand rested on his forearm.

“Don’t,” she whispered to him. “That’s not who you are.”

I'm the only friend that makes you cry You're a heart attack in black hair dye So just save yourself and I'll hold them back tonight

“Don’t you know how stupid that was!” Peter paced angrily around his apartment. She sat perched on the edge of his bed with tears in her eyes. “You could have died! What if I wasn’t there? What would you have done?” He was sounding an awful like his original argument that caused him to leave her. It was like nothing had changed at all. He hadn’t changed a thing to keep her safe. She could still find danger whether or not he was with her. What was the point of keeping his distance if the results were always the same?

Her voice sounded so small when she spoke, “Then I would have died.”

“Exactly. You would have died,” he gave an exasperated breath as he stared at her. Then it dawned on him on the way she had said it. She didn’t say in a regretful way. She said it with finality like she would have been perfectly fine with death had he not shown up.

He could feel his heart breaking again.

This was because of him. He had caused this. His shoulders sagged in defeat. They couldn’t keep doing this. This wasn’t healthy for either of them. Peter gingerly sat on the bed next to her.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I’m sorry for yelling at you. For leaving you. For ignoring you. You didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry.”

He heard her swallow. She turned her body to face him. He did the same. She looked so tired. So sad.

“I don’t want you to be sorry, Peter. I want you to love me again. I want you to be with me. I want to stay here. With you. Forever.”

Peter leaned his forehead against her. He breathed her in, filling his body with her familiar scent. He took a shaky breath, “I never stopped loving you.”

You're the broken glass in the mornin' light Be a burnin' star if it takes all night So just save yourself and I'll hold them back tonight

323 notes · View notes

awsugar · 2 years

Note

okay tbh confession time... no, I do not think there will be new music. however. I do Fear... that IF there were new music....what if it fucking sucks, Mack?? what if it sucks? cause like okay here's my thing. til the reunion. I had fully 100% accepted they were over and had zero expectations at all of a reunion and was like okay with that and accepted it. and I'd even talked about this before that I was sort of even glad they did end it when they did. cause their Legacy stayed intact if that makes sense? they stopped before they put out a shit album or a bad video or something like that. even if DD didn't do as good as TBP like commercially or whatever they went out when they were still on the top of the world and they remained that way. and that's smth I really appreciated ngl? it's like when a TV show goes past when it should have fucking ended and it ruins it's reputation and taints it's whole legacy. (I know I'm being way too deep here with all this "legacy" shit it's literally 4 nerds in a band) and I am Just Scared that If there's new music .. what if it sucks... ? or like, not even "sucks" but what if it just doesn't Live Up to their rest of their reputation?? even still today people see DD as not being as good as the others. (I like DD (and CW) this is not slander) but what if they peaked during TBP. and everything else will just go down hill. like listen I fucking LOVE Frank's solo work and I love Hesitant Alien and I love what little Ray and Mikey have put out. but it's not MCR. it's not MCR's legacy. and what if they can't live up to that now? and not just them but I worry that what if we, the fans, have such high expectations (bc cmon those 4 albums are like the best shit in the fucking world. they're untouchable dude.) that no matter what they did it wouldn't live up to what We expect even if it were great yknow??? what if it feels forced? what if they try to make something people expect and it feels inauthentic? what if they go in such a drastically different direction it loses all MCR-ness? (with the exception of black metal. I'd love an MCR black metal album. not joking.) even speaking personally I don't even know if I would want them to sound the same or different. idek in a perfect world where, theoretically they did make new music and theoretically it did live up to if not exceed all expectations, what that would even begin to sound like or look like. idk. if anybody can be as good as MCR, it's MCR. I just stress over the what if. they're the most dangerous band in the world, Mack. I just want them to stay that way.

i feel like i don't have much to add that you didn't say cause you said it all. i also don't think there will be music but i have the exact same fears. their current discography IS a legacy!!! its a perfect trajectory it tells a story there is a clear beginning middle and end. i was absolutely NOT ready for the breakup when it happened. but like in recent years, ive realized that danger days is like. the obvious completion of their story as a band and the evolution of their sound. the TRAJECTORY i talk about the trajectory all the time lmao. like it all just makes sense as one complete package and really doesn't feel incomplete to me.

i worry like if they just try to make a rock album, will it be disappointing? like what if it doesn't live up to the standards of an mcr album which is generall more than JUST an album. or like if they try to stay true to themselves which is to reinvent themselves, like i always felt like if they tried to level up from where they ended with danger days, would it even be recognizably mcr anymore?? like i love danger days like you said but it is my least favorite and it did like push the boundaries of what i expected for them. i have always feared that like evolving past dd would be a step too far.

anyway yea like. i am a huge new music skeptic. don't think it will happen. im perfectly content without it. if they DID drop something of course i would lose my shit. but the fear is there 100%. like what if its been too long and the version of mcr in 2022 isn't something i like??? that would be devastating.

#anonymous #asks

17 notes · View notes

sangonomiyashrine · 2 years

Note

heyhey! can i get a kin thing for BNHA, haikyuu and danganronpa please?

she/her, INFP, ambivert

personality: im very bubbly, whimsical and sweet, and i love to compliment people and hype them up whenever they need it. Probably use the word “lovely” way too much. However, despite being bubbly and talktative i very rarely open up about myself/my interests. When you really know me i’m sarcastic, and i’m usually the really dumb friend everyone makes fun of (lovingly) bc i lack common sense but ive got the spirit lmao. Always energetic and down to do ANYTHING

hobbies: dancing/listening to music. idk if you could call it working out but i regularly put on my favourite music and just dance for hours in my kitchen at nights so lmao. also journalling, reading, annotating books. SHOPPING is my no 1 hobby tho i am always shopping for smth. Also love the colour pink an unhealthy amount

emotional state: ummmmmmmm im running on adrenaline we dont talk about her

social skills: people describe me as charming and charismatic, i love talking to people and making friends but i only have a few close CLOSE friends u get me

random facts

- obsessed w taylor swift

- my music taste goes from mcr/arctic monkeys etc to taylor swift/katy perry

- i spend like 99% of life daydreaming

you remind me of..

I also thought of Ochako Uraraka and Ibuki Mioda.

Nejire Hado - she's very bubbly and whimsical, always interested in learning about other people but doesn't share much about herself. she shows her excitement towards others and compliments people often. she's pretty much the scatterbrained "dumb" friend that everyone makes fun of, albeit out of good spirit because nobody could dislike her because she's so charming. she is filled with energy and probably down to do anything. although she loves talking to others and making friends, her more polite attitude tends to be reserved for her closer friends.

Shoyo Hinata - he's very bubbly and energized, especially when it comes to talking to others. he tends to compliment others and hype them up, because he sees something admirable in everybody. he can lack common sense sometimes which causes his friends to comment on it, but he's very charming and leaves an impact on everyone, even if the first interaction was a negative one. he's definitely ready to do anything at anytime.

Aoi Asahina - she's very bubbly and sweet, always complimenting others and cheering them up if needed. she's more of an ambivert, though she likes talking to others a lot. she can be a bit forgetful and scatterbrained, leading others to comment on it. she has the spirit though, she's very energetic and down to do anything. she can be pretty emotional underneath this and although she's friendly with everyone, it's clear who her closest friends are.

#kin assignment #kin matchup #bnha #haikyuu!!#danganronpa #nejire hado #shoyo hinata #aoi asahina

8 notes · View notes

averykedavra · 3 years

Note

joan - what do you wish the series would cover next, or what kind of turn would you want to see it take?

!! okay this is a really fun question. ‘cause i’ve thought about this a lot. timeline-wise, I only got really involved with the fandom around the release of ATHD, and ever since then i’ve really enjoyed imagining the “next” events of the series. sometimes theories, sometimes just AUs, but it’s always fun!

and see, there are tons of things i’d love to explore in the context of canon. like sides switching from light to dark, or a side shutting themselves off, or serious backstory elements like the formation of roman and remus. tons of stuff that’d be super cool to think about.

but they’re not stuff i’d actually want in canon necessarily, you know? and they’re mostly not stuff i’d ever expect canon to actually do. so here’s a little incomplete list of things i’d love to actually see in the series, and which I think are (semi)-plausible:

1. Roman’s arc. had to add this one. I’m pretty sure it’s coming up after PoF (and it better) and I am so, so excited. roman’s been a slow-boiling pot of emotional turmoil for a while now and I just wanna see it spill over!

and look. don’t get me wrong, i love the pintroverts so much, but—yeah, i really wanna see thomas and nico go through a rough patch. thomas, and by extension roman, are pinning so many expectations on nico. they’re emotionally unready and using nico like a way to redeem themselves and feel better, instead of confronting their own issues. not to say the relationship can’t work out, but i can figure there’ll be some bumps on the road.

and possible failure with nico would be a great catalyst for roman’s full breakdown. he’s got everything riding on this guy! he calls nico “a chance at happiness”! and he’s the romantic side, he wants this to work out, so thomas will trust him again. and if it fails, it’ll break roman into tiny, tiny pieces.

plus, i know the season finale is probably going to be a two-parter, like with virgil’s episode? and i don’t know if i actually want roman to duck out, but i am really excited for some parallels to virgil’s arc. acceptance instead of redemption, being more than your function, every side being valued, and virgil and roman continuing to become closer together. if i do not get a remix of “you make us better” but virgil to roman, i will riot /j

2. Logan’s arc. then following roman, our braincell boy! logan is another steaming pile of issues who’s been repressing for far too long. i want to see him admit he has feelings. i want to see him cry. maybe this is the angst demon in me, but come on, he deserves it.

an aspect of logan that’s really fascinating to me is his relation to thomas’ own self-image and needs. logan defines himself by his use to thomas—he has the least belief in himself as a separate entity. and he’s felt sidelined for a long time, possibly ever since thomas became a youtube.

i think it’d be super interesting to see more of how their dynamic was before thomas made the career switch, how logan feels about it, and how his “lack of feelings” is an extension of his refusal to acknowledge his own personhood. he doesn’t let himself want or feel—and he’s actually kinda similar to roman in that regard. roman and logan are narrative foils in a lot of ways. which would make it kinda cool if their arcs were somewhat consecutive—logan helps roman value himself, and roman returns the favor.

oh, and i’d love it if virgil and logan could come full circle, too? virgil comforts logan during the whole thing, maybe even talking to him about cognitive distortions or using techniques logan taught him to destress. they’re really good friends and i wanna see more of that.

3. Janus becoming part of the group. i have so many feelings about janus. he’s poised to join the gang and start helping thomas from the inside, but his acceptance is still conditional, fragile, and fragmented. roman loathes him, logan resents him, and virgil has a history with him. and janus is gonna have to try and get through all that.

i already love his dynamic with patton, i really want them to be friends. i think a logan and janus debate would be fucking fantastic. i am begging for roman and janus to talk things out. and i really, really want to see virgil and janus become friends again.

but maybe what i’m most interested in is janus himself, and his relationship to thomas. i still love interpreting the “is that fair to him” line as referencing janus’ complex and difficult role as the keeper of all lies. he’s still hiding an orange side from us, probably, and he’s trying to keep everything stable.

what happens if he slips up? what happens if he gets close to patton and starts having new priorities? how did that affect his relationship with virgil? i want to really explore janus’ character and motivations.

and also janus and remus content. give it. this is an order.

4. Remus. Literally anything remus. Please I’m starving, I just want to see my trash boy, when will he return from the war?

Seriously, though, I’d love more remus. his thoughts on nico. his motivation, his daily life, his relationship with janus and the other sides. i think he could really be great friends with all of them if he was given time to settle, and my intruality heart says he deserves to be chaotic besties with patton.

and! and his relationship with roman!! i really wanna see them grow closer and be bros, while working through the deep complexities of their issues with one another. because right now roman has so many projections of remus as his worst enemy and the epitome of everything he doesn’t wanna be, and remus just…doesn’t care about all that. that’s so interesting!!

remus is just such a refreshing character in so many ways. he’s so blunt and open and honest, he doesn’t hide or repress anything, and that’d be so much fun to explore! plop him in the middle of the other sides and see how long it takes for stuff to explode. i wanna see him break the status quo just because he can.

5. Patton’s arc. oh, you thought his character development was done? not even close. he learned a lot from moving on, but pof proved he still has a long way to go. and tbh I think he’s in a really precarious position right now.

yeah, he’s finally opening up to janus and the others. but he’s also very vulnerable, very unsure, and very ready to throw himself out of the picture if thomas needs him to. he asked if janus thought patton was just bad for thomas, and he seemed ready to take that advice and leave thomas be.

which is. concerning. and I think as patton learns to pull back and let thomas--and everyone--stand on their own without him smothering them, as he learns to have faith in others and not feel pressured to fix everything himself, he needs to work on his own self-worth, too.

patton, like a lot of the sides, is separating himself from his function. and that’s gonna be painful and messy and probably include a lot of backsliding. i wanna see him talk to the others, really talk to them, and get the support from his friends he needs! and that includes:

6. virgil continuing to support his friends. virgil has been doing great character-development-wise, but again, he has far to go! and what I want to see more of is stuff like FWSA. him beginning to truly support his friends in the way they’ve supported him.

his friendships with roman and logan are so sweet and I wanna see more of that. please. and I wanna see him bond with remus and janus again, and most of all, I want patton and virgil to really sit down and talk about stuff. they’ve been going through it for a while and I want them to talk.

the sad part, of course, is that post-pof they’re probably in an even worse place. there’s a reason patton didn’t show up in FWSA even when matters of the heart were involved. they’re on thin ice around each other, and throwing janus and roman into it will just make everything more complicated.

but I believe in them! they’re good friends, and I think if they try, they can work through it and learn more about each other.

7. bonding between the dark and light sides. basically already covered this one but guys. i want everyone to bond. i want logan and remus sharing cool facts. i want janus and virgil being snarky best friends. i want patton and remus teaming up to make stuff happen, and janus calling logan out on his repression, and virgil and remus listening to mcr and just. them, okay? them. glad we had this talk.

8. a breaking down of the dark sides and light sides altogether. i don’t necessarily mean anyone becomes a dark side (although it’s such a fun idea.) I mean really digging into the morality and formation of the “sides”, and eventually dismantling them.

the dark and light sides aren’t good and evil. they’re sides that thomas wants around, that are useful, and sides he doesn’t. and as janus becomes wanted at the table, and as patton and roman pull away and become less useful, it’ll be interesting to see how those dynamics shift.

the issue of identity is really at the heart of sanders sides. how much of you is you, and how much of it is what others want? are you beholden to others’ expectations, and how do you find personal worth? what defines you--by what measure is a man? how does a person change and grow? can they? or are they always, at the core, what they began as?

these questions obviously don’t have simple answers, but they’re stuff I wanna see talked about. i want to see the difficulty of even finding the line between selfishness and selflessness when you exist to serve another self. actions can be selfish and selfless all at once, a mass of contradictions that’s anything but black and white. and I wanna see more of that.

an idea I toy with sometimes is having a brief, or not so brief, reversal of dark sides and light sides. remus and janus, and maybe virgil, become more listened to. and roman, patton, and logan become the sides in the background. i dunno if it would actually happen, but I think it’d be interesting to consider--because once again, it’s about use versus value and wants versus needs.

if thomas wants a side, will they stick around? what about if he only wants to want them? what if he wants them as a friend but doesn’t need their function? what if they don’t think he wants them? what if any number of things?

i want to see discussion and deconstruction of the sides as a whole. i want to see them really dig deep into their purpose and formation. i want everything laid bare. and then finally, I want:

9. thomas ends the series by letting go of the sides. i am such a fucking sucker for bittersweet open endings like that. it wouldn’t be a full erasure of the sides, they’d still exist in the mind palace, probably hanging out and having movie nights and being a family. but they wouldn’t talk to thomas anymore.

i think it could be a really profound note about not only letting go of parts of your life and moving forward, but how c!thomas should work to stand on his own. yes, the sides are parts of him, but he’s more than the combination of their input. he’s his own person. he’s real. and I think he needs to work on being more self-reliant, in the moment, and start to discover his identity not in pieces, but as a whole.

the sides weren't bad for him. not in the slightest. they’ve helped him understand and come to terms with any number of things. but sometimes people grow and move forward, and they have to say goodbye to some parts of their life. that’s a fact. and with the ongoing theme of moving on and chasing the future, i think thomas would reasonably do that--end the series with a goodbye.

10. and...orange side. i’ve talked a lot about my ideas for the orange side, but suffice it to say, i’m looking forward to them. whoever they end up being.

so yeah, that’s a very long post about my ideas that isn’t half as long as it could be dhfgsjhs i’ve considered writing something like a canon divergence AU, or just rambling on tumblr, but for now that’s what I got. and this is all to say, hire me, sanders sides writing team /j

#sanders sides #patton sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #long post #asks and answers #anon #ts ask game #i'm so sorry for the length this went overboard sgfshsjks

57 notes · View notes

iampikachuhearmeroar · 3 years

Text

in honour of the rawring 20s, more cringy things from my emo/scene phase, a semi-masterpost:

•putting the you me at six lyric “whose keeping a score of who is a whore??? i know you don’t!” as my myspace header in japanese…… so the girls in my year at school that i thought were “whores”, and didn’t like them bc of that, wouldn’t pick up that that i was aiming it at them. like being a weeb and a scene kid douchebag???? they don’t mix lmao.

•screaming “IF YOU HAD A SEX LIFE, A SEX LIFE WOULD YOU EVEN WORRY ABOUT MINE WHEN YOUR BED IS EMPTY???? YOU’RE A WASTE OF TIME!!!!” from the song sex life by d.r.u.g.s (destroy rebuild until god shows) through the halls of catholic school in year 10/2011 to try to ~subtly~ and bitterly flirt with my crush lmao. like honey. chill the fuck out!!!! you’re 15!!!!! not many people have a sex life at 15 anyway lmao

•my uh. jeffree star music phase in 2007

•i’ve mentioned this before but wanting to score my entire year 10 drama shakespeare monologue with emo music and my teacher having to block the idea constantly bc “it’s good enough on its own! i swear to GOD!”

•taking a studded belt to school on the 31/10/2009 bc i had to get ready for amity affliction at my besties house that day after school so we could head up to sydney that night for the concert. saying shit about having a studded belt made me hardcore and wanting to punch people in the face with it bc it was some dumb reoccurring theme i had

•watching the music video for one love by aiden on my ipod nano at school and telling everyone about jeffree star’s i hate you ring in the video and how if i ever had it i’d punch all the people i hated in the face with it….. and then they’d be branded for life with the fact that i hated them?????? like bro. i KNOW you are the embodiment of angsty harry potter from HP puppet pals. but literally!!!! calm the fuck down!!!!!!

•i’ve talked about it before, but breaking up with clear braces boy and immediately demanding him to “hurry up and listen to a day to remember bc they’re fucking amazing!!! and you know i’m motherfucking right!!!!”

•taking 3 hours to straighten my hair just to go swimming….. then like someone pushing me in a pool or the surf (if we’d gone to the beach) and RUINING MY PERFECTLY STRAIGHTENED HAIR AND MY AESTHETIC!!!! HOW DARE YOU????!!! you KNEW you were going swimming girl. why the fuck did you bother to straighten your hair anyway, lmao???

•the whole cringy thing of me wanting to work in the CD shop sanity just so i could play a bunch of emo music and have some cute heavily tattooed emo boy/guy in his skinny jeans, slouchy beanie/now gross beanie hat type thing and band shirt come in and mysteriously fall in love with me….. and then kiss me to “kill me in a record shop” by boys like girls… or like alternatively i’d be making out with my hot older emo coworker in the back to the same song or some other horny emo song anthem/s 😂😂 same went for JB hifi when they came along and started stocking all time low and cute is what we aim for cd’s 😂😂😂 the hot emo bro would also teach me to skate as a bonus hobby outside of work. like KILL ME NOW!!!!

• alternatively to the above, i’d just magically have a hot emo boy boyfriend who was preferably the singer in the band…. but also could play guitar and could hardcore scream really well….. when like the bulk of those dudes were literally in their 20s 😂😅. on this point, teen emo me believing that her liking 20something emo dudes who were covered in tats and piercings and wrote ~hella deep~ lyrics etc etc just apparently made her more mature than the girls in her year at catholic school who liked justin bieber or one direction (who were literally the same age as us lol). like girl no. if those older dudes hit on you, IT’S A RED FLAG!!!! FUCKING RUN!!!!

•wanting to take my edgy pop punk road trip to a town 8 hours north from where i am as soon i got my licence and stuff… also the whole moody thing about ~crashing my car just to feel again~ theme i had going on 2011/year 10 in my teen mental breakdown phase in regards to getting my licence bc i was so desperate to do something ~reckless~

•basically a good bulk of my high school statuses tbh

•me taking in the same 3 pics of the same 3 scene queens and hayley williams (and cassidy pope, once) into my hair dresser EVERY 8 WEEKS to get my hair cut just like them 😂😂 i even updated my facebook status in year 9/2010 once with “got hayley williams hair cut today :D :D!!!!” i swear to god my hairdresser got so sick of me taking those pics in lmao 😂😅

•stage diving at a local amity affliction show in 2010/year 9 and going straight to the fucking floor bc i accidentally jumped into a hole in the crowd…. but i suppose it’s bc i was the biggest wanker at the show bc….. before we went in, i was bragging hella loud about how “hardcore” i apparently was 😂😂

•using my hot topic dress in my year 10 drama monologue bc i thought its steampunk style was elizabethan enough when paired with my black marching band style jacket (that i used to imitate black parade era mcr) and a pocket watch that was a tiny moveable robot. and also my trusty red flanno shirt from jay jays

•wanting entire clothing lines from certain band members from certain labels. and most especially booty shorts with the persons name (most frequently a dude) plastered across my ass 😂😅

•wanting the entire mid2000s line of drop dead merch. also bbycks (baby cakes) and zumiez etc etc. also glamor kills.

•desperately wanting my bra to be on a mic stand of a certain band dudes mics (just why lmao)… or on certain band members mics lmao (also just why)

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona tries to be funny and relatable #ilona reminisces her emo phase #my little emo heart #my little emo soul #my little scene kid heart #my little scene kid soul #my little emo/poppunk heart #my little emo/poppunk soul #my little hardcore/post hardcore heart #my little hardcore/post hardcore soul

16 notes · View notes

emy-loves-you · 4 years

Text

Sanders Sides AU-gust Day 2: College

Virgil and Logan have a series of flirty interactions before realizing that they’re roommates.

Logan POV, Analogical with background Royality and familial Logicality.

Day 1 | Masterlist | Day 3

Logan felt extremely stereotypical as he drank from his red solo cup. According to the clock on the wall, it was currently 11:27 PM and Logan was ready to go home. He silently cursed out his brother for dragging him to this party. Patton could have asked his boyfriend to take him, but he wanted Logan to get out of the house. Logan watched as Patton and Roman made out on the other side of the room. He took a bigger swig from his cup and winced. Cheap booze. Logan wished that the other highschoolers here could swindle some better alcohol. Logan steeled himself before downing the rest of the cup. He needed a distraction from his boredom (and his brother making out with Roman Prince).

Logan swiftly stood up, frowning as he stumbled a bit. Logan had assumed that his tolerance level was higher than this. He’s only had… three? Four? Drinks. Logan should go get another drink. Logan quickly made his way to the kitchen, ignoring the other teens he passed on the way there. This house was pretty big, with multiple bedrooms for teens to have fun in. Logan eventually found the kitchen, wincing slightly at how bright the room was. There seemed to be only one person- oh.

Sitting on the counter was the most gorgeous man Logan had ever seen. Logan vaguely recognized him from the football games he attended with Patton. The teen usually manned the concession stand, wearing his overly large hoodie and dark eyeshadow. With his alcohol-fueled brain, Logan wasn’t shy to admit that he’d been crushing on the teen for a while. Tonight his crush wore a tight-fitting MCR shirt and equally tight jeans. His makeup was much more complex, complete with winged eyeliner and black lipstick. Logan suddenly felt hot all over as he moved forward to grab another drink. The sinfully attractive man just then seemed to notice Logan’s presence, swaying slightly on the counter.

“Hey, I know you!” The man slurred out. He appeared to be just as intoxicated as Logan was. “You’re the cute kid that orders cookies and water at every football game!”

Logan blushed, surprised that he remembered Logan’s face, much less his order. He then realized the first half of the sentence. “You think I’m cute?” He asked, internally frowning at the way his voice slurred.

The hot guy (who Logan was mentally dubbing ‘hottie’ from here on out. It’s not like anyone could read his thoughts) smirked. “You’re more than cute. You’re hot as shit, man.” The man giggled. “I’ve been crushing on you for a long time.”

Logan’s drunk-self couldn’t help but repeating the sentiment. “I’ve also harbored a crush on you.” They both giggled like schoolgirls at the thought, both too intoxicated to fully grasp the implications.

Hottie suddenly hopped off the counter, grabbing Logan by the hand. “C’mon.”

Logan let himself be pulled along until they reached the front door. “Where are we going?” Logan felt like he was forgetting something important. Did he have his phone? Yes, it was in Logan’s back pocket. Then what was he forgetting? It must not be important.

Hottie smiled as he led Logan across the street. “My house.” He led Logan to the front door, only letting go of his hand to unlock the door. “My parents are on vacation, so the house is empty. We just graduated and we both like each other so I thought-”

Hottie didn’t quite state what he was planning for them to do that night. It might have been because Logan chose that moment to press his lips against Hottie’s. Or that Hottie’s back was immediately pressed against the wall. Or maybe he was just too busy trying to get Logan’s shirt off.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Logan groaned as he woke up, ignoring the need to open his eyes. His head felt like it would split in two. What happened last night? Logan struggled to pick out the details. Patton forced me to go to a party. He and Roman were… occupied. I went to get another drink and found that hot guy I’ve had a crush on for a while. I confessed my feelings and we went to his house- HIS HOUSE?!

Logan forced his eyes open, suddenly realizing that he wasn’t in his own bedroom. While it was difficult to see without his glasses, Logan could still make out the majority of the room. The whole room was a strange yet aesthetically pleasing combination of charcoal grey and purple. The bedroom was sparse, with multiple cardboard boxes stacked in the corner of the room. Logan’s crush (was crush an appropriate term for someone you’ve already had sex with?) was sitting on the other end of the bed, writing something in his notebook. Logan was suddenly aware of the fact that he was naked underneath the thick comforter on top of him. He went through the mental crisis of what the hell should I do for a few minutes before the man looked up.

“Oh! I didn’t know you were awake.” The teen shuffled around before holding something out. Logan held his hand out and was slightly surprised to feel his glasses being set gently onto his palm. Logan quickly put on his glasses and watched as his crush played with his hoodie strings. It was very odd to see him like this. On one hand, he wasn’t acting like the antisocial yet terrifying teenager that he was at football games. On the other hand, he wasn’t the suave, confident young man that Logan met last night. He was… shy, and quiet (and, though Logan would never admit it… he was cute, in a soft way).

Logan felt his blush rise as the guy handed him his clothes. They were clean and folded, with not a wrinkle in sight. How long has he been up for? And how long have I been asleep? Logan watched as the man gestured towards the bathroom and walked out of the room. Logan quickly stepped into the bathroom and changed, ignoring the heavy nausea he felt from his hangover. He then made his way out of the room, making his way to the kitchen. His crush was sitting on the counter, his phone in one hand and an unopened bottle of water in the other. Logan’s phone sat on the counter next to him, connected to a charger. The man offered Logan the water, which he accepted gratefully, chugging half the bottle before using the cool bottle as an icepack for his headache. His crush winced at the action. “Sorry, we don’t have any painkillers around. Trust me, I checked.”

Logan offered a small smile. “I believe you.” He turned towards his phone and was unsurprised to see over 50 missed calls from Patton. “I’ll need to be leaving soon.” The man tensed up. “What’s wrong?”

He sighed. “Look, I know we went through some mushy shit last night, but… I’m moving away in a few weeks. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I could handle anything long-distance. But I didn’t mean to bring you here for a one-night stand. I wasn’t lying when I said I’ve been crushing on you for a while now.”

Logan nodded. “I am also leaving for college in a few weeks. There are extremely low chances of the two of us meeting again. While I also harbor feelings towards you, I do not fancy a long distance relationship.”

They sat there in silence while Logan texted Patton. Logan left out the majority of the details, just stating that he was unharmed and that he was across the street from the party. Patton replied that he would be there in 20 minutes.

“Hey.” Logan looked up, and his crush immediately looked down at his feet. “If we ever meet again… you know, after we’ve moved and stuff… do you think we could give this a chance?”

Logan smiled. “If we somehow meet again in the future, I would thoroughly enjoy being in a relationship with you.”

They sat there for a few minutes before he smirked. “Wanna make out until your ride gets here?”

Logan leaned forward to kiss him. “Yes please.”

---------------------------------------------------

Logan sighed as he finished transferring his belongings from his car to his dorm room. Luckily his roommate wasn’t there yet, so they couldn’t see him exhausted from going up and down the stairs a dozen times. If he was here, maybe this whole thing would’ve been more bearable, but-

Logan shook his head. It’s been three months since the party, and he was probably on the other side of the country. Logan still feels like kicking himself for not getting the guy’s name or phone number. But by the time he thought of that, his crush had already moved away. But even after three months of no contact, Logan couldn’t get him out of his head. He’d fallen hard, and every night after was filled with dreams that would never happen. Kisses that never occurred, words that were never said, smiles and secrets that were never shared. God, Logan would do just about anything to have one more night with the guy. Instead, he was almost 1,000 miles away from his hometown, sharing his room with a stranger and wishing for a nameless cute guy more than he wished for his own brother.

Once everything was arranged accordingly, Logan decided to go and get some coffee. While he technically had a coffee maker in his room, Logan wanted to stretch his legs and familiarize himself with his new environment (it had nothing to do with getting thoughts of his crush out of his head, that would be preposterous). Logan made his way out of the college dorm, already dreading the walks from his dorm to his classes. The campus was larger than anything in Logan’s hometown. It took 20 minutes to reach the edge of campus, and another 15 to find a decent coffee shop. Sure, it looked like a cheap rip-off of Starbucks, but it had good reviews online so Logan was willing to give it a try.

Logan opened the front door, unsurprised to hear a small bell go off at the action. What he was surprised by was the familiar voice at the counter.

“Hello, welcome to the Coffee Castle, how may I help you?” Logan looked up just as he did, and they made eye contact over the counter. Logan’s face went red as he turned around and yelled towards the back room. “Taking my break now!”

Another voice answered back. “But I thought you were servin’ a customa?”

He blushed. “He can buy a coffee later, I gotta talk to him first. Personal stuff.”

The voice laughed. “Go gettum, V!”

V. While it wasn’t a full name, it was a much better substitute for him. V hung up his apron before dragging Logan towards the back of the coffee shop. There was a storage closet just big enough for the two of them as they slipped inside.

V smiled as he turned on the light. “Hey.”

Logan blushed. “Hello. It is very… nice, to see you again.”

V smirked. “Look, I’ve only got 10 minutes before I’ve gotta go back up to the counter. Wanna make out until then?”

Logan immediately pressed forward for a kiss. “That would be amenable.” He whispered under his breath.

Time always felt slower around V. Back when V worked the high school concession stand, a five-minute conversation felt like hours of invigorating debates. That night spent with V felt like years of drunken confessions and passionate moments. And the 8 minutes they spent making out in this closet felt like an entire lifetime of love. Every kiss was a promise for more, every sigh was a confession that didn’t need verbalization to be understood. Logan was not well-versed with recognizing and acting on emotions, but after the lifetime he was feeling in this moment, he realized that he would trade almost anything to spend an actual lifetime with V.

They eventually stopped kissing and just stood there for a moment, pressing their foreheads together in some vague form of reassurance. Logan wished that this moment of serenity would last forever, but that was not meant to be. V pulled back and blushed, looking down at his feet. “I know we both said we would give us a chance if we met again, but do you still mean it?”

Logan nodded. “Do you?”

V smiled, leaning in to kiss Logan’s nose. “I wouldn’t have pulled you into this closet if I didn’t.”

They stood there for a few moments before Logan coughed awkwardly. “Could I get your phone number? I really don’t want to go through the trouble of trying to find you again.”

V laughed. “Yeah, that makes sense.” V typed his number into Logan’s phone before sighing. “I need to get back to work.”

Logan frowned. “Alright. Will you be here tomorrow?”

Virgil smirked. “No, but I can be here if someone wants to go on a coffee date.”

Logan blushed. “That sounds acceptable. Is 1 PM a good time for you.”

Virgil smiled. “Sounds perfect.” He gave Logan one more peck on the lips before opening the closet door. “See you then.”

Logan was a blushing mess for the rest of the day. Patton had decided to call him soon after Logan left the cafe, and he squealed when Logan told him of his encounter with V. Patton then spent the next 20 minutes telling Logan what he should wear for his date tomorrow. That’s when Logan realized that holy shit I have a DATE tomorrow. He spent the rest of the day at the local library, trying to find anything on date etiquette (or just how to hold a proper conversation). After promising to tell Patton about how his date goes, he reads several philosophy books to try and calm down. By the time the library closed, Logan was feeling slightly less flustered and collected enough to meet his new roommate. Logan knew nothing but the man’s name, so it was difficult to judge whether or not this interaction would go smoothly.

Logan approached his dorm once again, feeling a nervous twist in his abdomen. First impressions meant alot to most people; would Logan’s roommate be upset that Logan wasn’t there all day? While Logan wasn’t interested in being friends with his new roommate, it would be helpful to keep a polite relationship with the person he was going to live with for the next few months.

Logan quickly entered the dorm, finding his roommate lying on the floor, eating a bag of chips. Logan cringed as the crumbs got into the carpet, but attempted to be civil nonetheless. “Hello, you must be Virgil Storm. I am your roommate, Logan-”

Logan didn’t get to finish his introduction before the man burped loudly and sat up. “Oh, I’m not Virgil.” He used his tongue to get the leftover crumbs out of his mustache. “Remus Prince, at your service!”

Logan cringed again, suddenly recognizing the man’s face. While he didn’t go to the same highschool as Logan, his resemblance was impossible to miss. “Ah, I remember now. We’ve met a few times before this, if I’m remembering correctly. You’re Roman’s twin brother, correct?”

Remus’ eyes went wide. “Yep, and your Patty’s big bro, right? My, what a small world!”

Logan couldn’t help but smile at that. “Yes, what a small world indeed.” He looked around. “Now, what are you doing in my room?”

Remus giggled. “I’m Virgil’s best friend! We were gossiping about the date he’s going on tomorrow.”

Logan nodded. “And where is he now?”

Logan heard the door open and close from behind him. Remus giggled and pointed towards the door. Logan turned around, ready to start his introductory speech again. Instead, all that came out was a quiet squeak.

Standing in the doorway, slack jawed, was V. Logan felt his cheeks turn red as he tried to come up with an appropriate response. Remus giggled again, and V then seemed to realize that Remus was there. “Remus, leave.”

Remus whined. “But we were gonna talk about the guy that made your heart flutter and your di-”

Virgil growled. “Out, Remus.”

Remus stared at the two of them while Logan continued to silently blush. He seemed to come to the correct conclusion as he laughed. “Well, the world’s even smaller than I thought it was. Have fun you two!” And with one last laugh and something whispered into Virgil’s ear, Remus left.

Logan and V- no, Virgil- stared at each other before Virgil started laughing. Logan soon joined him, and they became a giggling mess. Virgil wiped away a fake tear. “What are the odds?”

“Of the two of us being roommates at the same college? Without informing the other of what state we were moving to?” Logan adjusted his glasses. “Too small to consider.”

There was a pause before Virgil spoke up. “Well, I know we have a date planned for tomorrow, but we have two perfectly usable beds right here, and-”

This wasn’t the first time that Virgil was unable to finish telling Logan what he wanted to do, and it wouldn’t be the last. But Virgil was okay with that, if it meant that he was feeling Logan’s lips on his.

#sanders sides #AU_gust_2020 #alternate universe college #analogical #royality #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #remus sanders #my fic

90 notes · View notes