#Wow I am so sorry guys

[malarkgirlypop]

MEDIC! Part 15 (Donald Malarkey x Fem!OC)

It's all I can see and I'm crying! A song for them.

Based on the HBO show and the actors who portray the characters, no hate to anyone involved.

Again I am so sorry.

Tag list: @next-autopsy

I am floating outside of my body. I help the men with their injuries like I am on autopilot. People talk to me but I don’t hear them, I don’t even try to pretend I am listening. I walk, I help, I sit. 

I stare out into the town of Foy, the image of Skip and Penkala’s last moments replaying in my head like I am living in a nightmare. Like a sick magic trick, you see them and then you don’t. I stand and watch as the men scour their hole trying to find remnants of them. I physically hurt watching them. I watch Lip hand Malarkey, one of the boys' rosaries. We haven’t spoken, I think we have both shut down. I can’t be near him, it hurts too much all I can think about is them when I see him. I’m sure he feels the same way. Tears well in my eyes watching Lip and Malarkey by their foxhole, I turn away so no one sees them fall. I have adopted the stare that I have seen countless times before. I know why they do it now too, it feels good not to be present, to not have to come to terms with what you have seen. The weight of reality hasn’t yet crushed down on me. After losing Toye and Bill, then Buck and now Skip and Penkala. I loved those boys like my brothers. I walk away from the line. Away, I need to be away from here. I bump into someone as I hurry along, not looking to see who it is I carry on with my escape. Their grip holds me in place. I look up. Bull’s face appears in my vision. “You alright Darling?” Bull asks me in a kind voice. 

“I’m fine.” I say firmly, pulling from his grip. He lets me go. I side step him, but he moves in front of me.

“What did you see?” He asks, not letting me pass. I look at him angry, I don’t want to have to say what I saw out loud, that would make it real. 

“I didn’t see anything.” I snap. 

“Don’t lie to me.” He says in a firm voice. 

“I’m not lying!” I answer with frustration laced in my tone. 

“I know you, Em! Don’t lie to me.” Bull says again. 

“What?” I yell, “What do you want me to say that I saw it happen?” Throwing my arms out. 

“I saw those men that I care for die right in front of me.” My voice is loud as it echoes through the trees. 

“That I was so close to getting into their hole. You know they were calling for me.” My voice wobbles as I yell. 

“I SAW THEM!” tears threatening to escape my eyes. “I saw them die!” Bull steps forward to hug me but I push him away. “NO! I don’t want this.” 

“Why wasn’t it me? Why was it them?” I sob still yelling, other people have gathered around wondering why I am shouting. 

“Why wasn’t I in that hole? I don’t belong here! They were good people and I had to watch them die!” I scream and sob at the same time.  

“It won’t stop!” I cry harder, closing my eyes. I cover my face, willing the memory to escape my mind. I crack and it crushes me. My body shakes from my sobs as Bull pins me to his chest. He shushes me and he strokes my hair. I wrangle out of his grasp, he looks at me with pain etched onto his face. Then I run, no one stops me, no one yells my name. They watch me run. 

After trampling through the woods for a while a stick catches on my foot tripping me sending me to the ground. I lie there and sob. Curling up into a ball and wishing to die. To not feel. My heart feels like it has been ripped from my body. My bones ache from missing them. They had families, lives, people to go back too, people waiting for them. I don't have anyone, I am nobody here. There is no Emily Lane that exists, the only place I am known is here. I can’t be sent home, I don’t have a home here. I sit up wiping my face. I can’t be sent home, so I won’t. I will act, I will do anything to get through this. My purpose, my family, is here. I will play myself well, I will not break. I can’t let this break me. The thought of being separated from these men scares me more than death. I would rather die than leave them. I stand my legs shaking from the cold. I slowly make my way back to camp, arriving by dusk. The men look shocked when I sit myself down beside them. 

“Em? You’re ok?” Lieb asks me from across the foxhole we sit in. I slide my mask into place, giving my best smile. 

“I’m fine, I just needed a minute.” I reply, my voice hoarse from crying. 

“A minute? Emily you were gone for hours, we sent search parties out for you.” He says anxiously.  

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to worry you guys, I guess I lost track of time.” I apologise. The men are quiet not knowing what to say. Uncomfortable in the silence I stand, the men watch my every move. I go over to where they are serving dinner to grab some hot food. Bull sees me and comes over. 

“Darlin’ you ok?” He asks as his cigar hangs from his lips. 

“Yeah I’m fine. Hey I’m sorry for earlier, I was just a bit overwhelmed.” My lips tighten upward. 

“A bit?” Bull doesn’t seem convinced. 

“Ok, a lot. But I’m fine now. I had some time to think and I’m back, better than ever, even.” I lie. 

“Emily you can go home, if this is all too much.” Bull says empathetically. 

“No!” I say quickly, “No I don’t want to go home.”

“Em…”

“No Bull I’m fine, I can handle it. It was just a moment of weakness. I want to be here.” I protest. 

“You have to take care of yourself.” Bull says as his brows furrow together. 

“No, I want to see this through. I need to be here. Please Bull! I will take care of myself, I swear but I can do that here!” I plead with Bull, he shakes his head thinking.

“I don’t know Em?” I need to persuade him. 

“What do I have to do, to show you I’m fine?” I hold eye contact with him. He sighs.

“Darlin’ I want you here, I do. I guess if you're set on not leaving, I can’t make you.” I smile, patting him on the arm. I move past to get myself some food.

I sit in a foxhole by myself. I stare off at nothing. I dissociate from my surroundings. The only thing I can feel is the chill in my bones. It helps stop the aching everywhere else. I can barely eat. My stomach churns constantly. The insides of my cheeks are torn to shreds. I find myself crying without even noticing. The tears grow cold on my cheeks from the biting wind. I just want to curl up into a little ball and disappear. I want to scream and shout but I can’t, that would send me back. I have to keep up the facade. Sure I am allowed to be sad but I can’t let it consume me, which it desperately wants to do. I’m sure it will be fine, pushing it all to the back, pretending it’s not there. Never hurt me before. I get out of my hole, wandering around finding people to talk to. To show I’m fine. The conversations are superficial, pleasantries. My tolerance is shorter than normal, the conversation gets overwhelming after a while. I make excuses to leave. I am more blunt, less playful. The men notice, but don’t say anything. I try my best to be myself, but it’s tiring. 

The Battle of Foy happened not long after. I watched in dread as Dike fucked the whole operation. I watched through my hands as he stopped the men in the middle of the operation calling for them to fall back. When he got direct orders from Winters that the only thing they had to do was move forward. Winters almost ran out into action himself before Colonel Sink had ordered him back. The situation was finally controlled when Winters commanded Speir to take over the attack. He had done just that, it was actually impressive watching the man. He sprinted through the middle of town right past the German soldiers, who were so baffled by his brassiness, they didn’t even shoot him. He got the job done. Unfortunately there were still casualties, among those was CO Norman Dike, who had died. It was good to have a distraction, I busied myself in the help. Cleaning up wounds, suturing, and dressing. That’s all that I was thinking about, nothing else. We had finally taken Foy, I was relieved. 

The grief still hung heavy over me, but by now I wasn’t sad, I had moved on from that stage. I was angry. Every time I thought of Skip and Alex my blood boiled. My mind swirled. Those men did not deserve to die. How dare their lives be taken so soon. The men noticed quickly. I would snap, my temper short. I didn’t have time for jokes or banter. I would sit and fester in hatred. I was tense and on edge. The men of easy company pulled back from me. Too scared I would lash out with nasty words, “Better to leave her alone with her thoughts than go talk to her.” I heard Bull tell Frank. They avoided me more than they avoided the replacements. I didn’t blame them, hell I was happy to be left alone, consumed in my own thoughts. I couldn’t sleep half the time either, my dreams now nightmares haunted me. I would be stuck in a loop of lying in the snow in front of their foxhole. I would scream at them to run, to get out, but they didn’t listen, staying put in their shelter. I would have to watch them die, over and over. It made me sick. I would wake up in a cold sweat, panting. After a while I stopped sleeping. It was more tiring to try and sleep than it was to stay awake. But being alone with my thoughts 24/7 was slowly driving me to the point of madness. The bags under my eyes were black, it looked like I had broken my nose. I was being clumsy, dropping things, making stupid mistakes which just made me angrier. It was getting out of hand, but I didn’t know what to do. I was not going to ask for help, that would be cause enough to send me packing. But at this stage I couldn’t help myself, it was a vicious cycle.  

I trudge behind the platoon as we move from Foy to the town of Noville. I was told to hang back in case we came across the enemy. I walk silently by myself, once again in my head thinking far too much to do me any good. The distance is obvious now between the men and I. None of them come to talk to me, scared I will growl at them. A resting bitch face is now my permanent feature. My rage quietly boiling in my blood. I have a hold on her now but I’m scared that she will come free from my grasp and rear her ugly head. My bottom lip is raw from my teeth finding satisfaction in feeling the sting and the metal taste in my mouth. The sound of gunfire pierces the air sending men scattering to find cover, some don’t make it falling to ground unmoving. I move quickly hurrying behind one of the small houses to the side of the road. I crouch behind the wall listening to the screams of the men and the constant cracking of the guns. I place my hand on the pistol on my hip, my eyes scanning the area. They fall upon a dead German soldier, his semi-automatic lying across his body. I flick my eyes back to where the assault takes place listening for any sounds of movement. I hear running footsteps coming towards me from the side of the house, my hand gripping my weapon. One of our own soldiers rounds the corner, my hand relaxes, as an ease returns to my chest. The man smiles at me knowing we are on the same side, he opens his mouth to talk. Before he can speak a crack sounds as the bullet travels through the man's helmet into his head and out the other side. His blood splattering over my face and chest as he drops to the ground. I close my eyes drawing in a shaky breath, opening them to find his staring back at me unblinking. My eyes dart back over to the German soldier lying on the ground. She’s got herself loose.

#Wow I am so sorry guys #its gonna be tough #oh no the next chapter is oh dear god #it's bad #and sad #and it hurts #I will pay for all of your therapy I swear #band of brothers #band of brothers fanfic #donald malarkey #hbo war #fanfic #joe toye #bill guarnere #dick winters

[fatuismooches]

At the beginning of your relationship with Dottore, there had been numerous times when he had tried to leave you, or rather, attempt to force you to leave him in the Akademiya. Ignoring you, snapping at you... most notably literally kicking you out of the dorm (to waking up and nearly stepping on you, as you had decided to knock out right at the door.) Merely because he still had difficulty believing he was loved by you, despite having known you for years. It took much time but, eventually, your feelings finally clicked in that genius head of his.

However, uncharacteristically enough, there was one time you debated on whether you should leave Zandik. Only one time. And he had found out. If only you had been more careful.

It happened during the later stage of your illness when your ability to do many basic tasks had been stripped from you, leaving you reliant on Zandik for many things. You felt very guilty, for making him so do much work for both himself and you, but there wasn't much you could do about it, being the way you were now. Did you tell your lover about this? No, of course not.

But today, today would just be another regular day of what you had accepted to be your new life. However, you had noticed in the morning he seemed rather irritated, but you had no chance to ask him about it since he had to leave for class. You wondered what that was all about. (You, somewhere in the depths of your mind thought. You were continuously being a burden on the knowledge-driven scholar, no wonder he'd be irritated.)

When he returned to the dorm, you could tell that the foul mood still remained. Though, you could not understand what had caused it. He was perfectly fine last night, something must have happened after you fell asleep... As you watched him, the words "welcome home" could not seem to come out as they usually did, especially when he had not even acknowledged you yet, only emptying his bag with all of his books and other tools. You swallowed nervously, wondering how you were going to go about this when he spoke.

"Where?"

"Huh?"

"Where do you plan to go?" You were understandably confused by this seemingly random question.

"Um... nowhere?" A nervous smile made its way to your face, as Zandik only gave you a blank look, before carefully unfolding a piece of paper, and reading it over once more, no emotion on his face. Which, was already quite alarming for you, because Zandik was the kind of person who always had a hint of annoyance written on his face. He then turned the paper to face you and you squinted, reading the contents.

Oh. You instantly recognized what it was. It was a form that one had to fill out if they wanted to move out of the Akademiya's dorms.

When you said you felt guilty for everything, you meant it. Meant it to the point you worried if you were still good enough for him, if you had become annoying, a bumbling nuisance that had become more of a chore rather than a partner. It worried you, and you couldn't help but think about it. What if you were right? What if he did feel all of those things? Then maybe, maybe you should relieve him of this burden. You. Then, he could continue to pursue his goals, without the added hindrance of taking care of you.

It wasn't something you were set on yet, more like something you mulled over in your head. But you had filled out the potential moving out form tentatively just in case you decided to go through with it. Ah, you probably had shoved it in your bag along with your many missing assignments, and Zandik must have found it after trying to check your homework... But now, your lover was staring holes into you, expecting an answer.

"Well, I- I didn't mean it. It was... just in case," you were just spewing words at this point because you really had no defense. After all, how do you explain to your roommate of many years that you were going to move out and disappear without telling him?

"Just in case," the scholar repeats. "Just in case..." And then Zandik laughs. At what? You're not sure, because you've only seen him laugh at other people's foolishness, or in scorn and bitterness. It's a bit unsettling, seeing him act this way, but you have no time to think about it before the paper is torn right in half twice and then abandoned in the trash bin.

"No." Well... alright then.

"Za-"

"No, no no no. How utterly absurd. Ridiculous. You are not going anywhere." The way he says it simultaneously sounds like an order to you yet also an attempt to reassure himself of your impossible departure. You wondered if he interpreted your reason for leaving as something more... drastic.

"Hey-" You stand up, hoping an embrace would calm his nerves, but he begins to pace around. Now, this wouldn't be unusual, he tends to do this while he's ranting or deeply thinking about his research but obviously, it's different this time.

"Leave? No," Zandik scoffs to himself, "the possibility is nigh on impossible. There is no need to plan for such lengths, I shall make sure it doesn't come to that." When he finished mumbling to himself, you tried to interject before his gaze snapped back to you.

"And you. You, how dare you go behind my back and do such a thing? Do you think me incompetent? Do you think me a senseless fool that I would allow you to do this?"

"..."

"I find this quite tasteless, especially after how much you parroted about 'always being by my side' or 'never leaving'. Or have you finally shown your true colors? Leaving me after-" Zandik cut himself off because the words he was going to say next shouldn't be said out loud. Leaving him after he's already obsessed with you, when he's already in love with you and would go mad without your presence. But then all he could feel was your arms around him and your face buried in his chest.

"Zandik please, I'm sorry," your voice was but a whisper. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything like that." Zandik's hands itched to hold you back, but he restrained himself, needing to hear your reasoning.

"I don't want to leave you, I really don't. I love you! So... that's why I filled that form out. Because I... am scared of burdening you too much. I know how you are. I know you want someone who is useful, w-who can be of assistance in all kinds of ways, not someone who is dead weight. So I... I don't want you to force yourself to- ow!" Your increasingly pitiful dialogue was interrupted by a flick to your forehead and the clicking of a tongue.

"Fool..." he moved his hand to rest on the top of your head. "You can be quite intelligent, but the reasons for your stupidity can be headache-inducing sometimes. Now that you've said all of that, has it clicked how idiotic it sounds?" Though your partner's words sounded harsh, his tone was noticeably softer. You could only cast your gaze downward as he sighed.

"I too wonder why you do not take your own advice. Were you not the one who said to... 'talk things out', before jumping to conclusions? So why have I not heard of this?" (The phrase feels out of place and rather disgusting on the man who normally refuses to hold a conversation on anything other than research, but he forces it out for your sake. Unfortunately, he can also hear your sing-song voice in his head as he replays the words.)

"Because... it's dumb, like you said. I shouldn't waste your time anymore..."

"I usually do not entertain dumb inquiries but... you are an exception. My assistant's questions must always be clarified." And as his lover, your troubles must always be assuaged, but that part was left unsaid, although you knew what he meant. "Yes, your usefulness was a great help, but I couldn't care less about that right now. I care about you, and if taking on extra responsibilities happens to fall under that feeling, then so be it. I don't care," Zandik said bluntly. Was it elegant? No. Was it truthful? Yes. It made your cheeks warm a bit.

"Well... thank you for the honor," you couldn't help but crack a tiny smile as Zandik only mumbled something incoherent before pushing you back to bed. Ah, you were feeling a little drained from all of that.

"Now that all that is sorted out, and that hopefully every inch of that nonsense has left you, I suggest you go to sleep quickly, unless you want to be kept awake by the sounds of my latest experiment." You only giggled at your boyfriend. He's unkind... in a kind way if that made sense. But before you could be whisked away to the land of dreams, Zandik spoke once more.

"[Name]."

"Mhm?"

"...Do not try to leave me ever again."

"...I know, Zandik."

#smooches talks #fragile reader <3 #dottore love notes <3 #divider by cafekitsune #another idea i came up with at 1 am (that seems to be the time my mind wont stop working unfortunately) #u dont understand im SO delusional abt them... sorry guys... f-fragile reader #im literally so tired rn ughhh... wah i just want dottore to cuddle me!! (i need to fix my sleep schedule) #but wow this is pretty indulgent huh! #dottore x reader #idk if i should put this in the tags but im feeling bold

[celexdraw]

Part 4!! 

Part 3

Part 2

Part 1

#wow guys I am SO sorry #work has been hectic and I've been travelling #but ANYWAY enough about that here is this!! #one piece #one piece comic #zoro #trafalgar law #luffy #roronoa zoro #pirate hunter zoro #one piece zoro #fanart #one piece fanart #digital art #straw hat pirates #post timeskip #comic

[wyrmswears]

i finished aai2 (one of these is not like the others)

#you can tell how inconsistent my style is just from this.. anyway ive been learning how to draw sebastian #sebastian debeste #athena cykes #ace attorney #aai2 #you see i just cant not draw athena.. #i think sebastians like my second favourite character now. the brainrots bad #never my number one though i am an athena stan through and through #speaking of: i sometime see athena characterisations that just make me sit and go wow u never played dual destinies did u. or maybe im autis #aai2 spoilers #uhm just for sebbys edgy ass sprite (its so funny sorry i know its meant to be serious but its such a funny sprite i love him) #his hair is really difficult to draw???? how do u guys do it #shoutout to my one follower with the sebastian pfp though i understand you so well now. we are cosmically linked (sebastian fans) #i did take my adhd meds today i promise #wyrm draws #ace attorney fanart #aa

[caliblorn]

redirects my current atla brainrot back to TES

#sorry their young designs are so uninspired. It was just me saying 'wow... order of the white lotus...psijics...am i right guys' #atla #tes #vanus galerion #mannimarco #eso #doodles

[doodleodds]

Happy Valentines, Akira. Happy Valentines, Asshole.

If you can’t read what Akechi’s secondary inner-dialogue says cause I obscured it too much behind his regular dialogue, here’s a transcription in panel order: Hello, you fucking- Ah- Hello, Akira! Fuck off, why should I tell you- Just a soda- there’s a new flavor.

I don’t want your shitty gift. Oh- haha! You’re so sweet.

I hope I choke. They’re lovely, thank you.

Like hell. Likewise. There’s no way it’s just a coincidence. Still though, it’s a funny coincidence.

#p5 #akeshu #akechi goro #kurusu akira #wow- me?? posting a valentines comic... actually on?? valentines????? wack. absolutely wack #it's a short one! I purposefully tried to keep it short. it was a challenge and it still ended up being 3 pages. but i blame my canvas size #also in case u can't see what akira is holding out to akechi: theyre chocolate covered strawberries on sticks! #i saw them irl and was like oh god i want those. i am going to project that feeling on my favorite characters so help me god #and now! here we are! but my shitty-ass coloring & line quality make it hard to discern them so. sorry about that lmaooooo #ANYWAY i don't do enough post-maruki stuff so. i made this one a little bittersweet. :) #why did i put akechi's scarf in a bow? honestly i dont know! i think i saw some art a while ago that did that too and i thought it was cute #well. plus i guess there's the symbolism of 'akechi being alive and reciprocating your feelings (however involuntarily) IS a gift' part #hence that hes wrapped up in a bow. like a present. :) #also god. the first panel is supposed to be akechi's reflection in a vending machine window. I could NOT get it to look right #so for reference!!! just so you guys understand!!!!!! thats what that panel is supposed to be!!! he is NOT in fact a ghost. (sigh) #hope you enjoyed and had a lovely valentines!! for my part i have eaten nothing but sweets today and hoo boy will that have been a mistake #ALSO in terms of the audience-participation comic...hopefully coming soon. if i can ever gain the will to draw it. #but at least tumblr has polls now so i can do the audience-choose-y bit without needing to use a separate website! so thats good i guess #anyway anyway anway thanks for listening to me ramble if you made it this far! have a lovely rest of your day and hopefully see u again soon

[corrodedcoughin]

When I went to university, there was a guy a year or so above me who was famous across the whole department because he was super nice, super gorgeous, and went jogging regularly while shirtless and wearing very tiny very short bright red shorts. And so everyone called him Beautiful Dave. Genuinely! Not an insult in the slightest. He was Beautiful and people needed to know!

And listen. LISTEN. That's Steve.

Hot college student who loves to get up early and go jogging shirtless and in his old basketball shorts.

Him, Robin, and Eddie all move up to Chicago together. Robin studies languages, Steve studies to be a paramedic or a physical therapist or something, Eddie fucks around and gets a job bc he has had enough of academia. They all get a shitty apartment near their college campus together and Steve finds he likes academia a lot more when it's something he cares about. He joins the swim team, he makes friends, and he finds out one day that people have started referring to him as Beautiful Steve.

He worries at first that it's another King Steve thing, but it's not!  People genuinely think he's absolutely beautiful and super nice and friendly. And so he kind of... goes along with it. He'll go jogging in his short shorts and people will greet him as Beautiful Steve and he responds with a smile and a wave.

Robin and Eddie find out while on campus one day when a group of people call him Beautiful Steve and he responds. Steve tells them that people started calling him that and It's the best day of their lives. Because that's their Steve! Their Steve is Beautiful Steve!! And they're nice about it because I want fluff and silly happiness and people are too mean to Steve

MOMO I CANT COPE. YOU ARE TRULY WIRED DIRECTLY TO THE SOURCE

Robin and Eddie FULL SCALE endorsing beautiful Steve!!! They get so into it they get the student to eventually treat him like a cryptid in that there’s sticks and badges of ‘I believe in beautiful Steve’ and it’s over a pair of illustrated red shorts. It’s a fun way of making some side income for them all and Steve gets a kick out of it.

Campus legend Beautiful Steve but it never becomes a creepy or uncomfortable thing. Everyone just enjoying what has organically grown from it all. He ends up as a ‘wheres Wally’ situation on the campus brochure. Never centre stage, always in the background and happily so.

He goes out on placement for his course and get a warm welcome on his return. Getting nods and waves and feeling like he has a Place here in his own way. Eddie and Robin observing it all and delighting at the smile it brings to Steve’s face every time. He may be Beautiful Steve to the uni but he’s Their Steve first and he won’t let them forget that

#MOMO MOMO MOMO!!! #that’s what goes through my head when I see a message from you #PURE JOY #and I am so sorry I’m so late in answering this SO HUGELY SORRY #you just ASTOUND ME #everything you do is CHEFS KISS #i CANNOT give you even half of the praise and adoration you deserve WOW!!! #stranger things #eddie munson #steddie #steve harrington #stobin #momotonescreaming #momo #ask #he’s beautiful Steve!!!! #we had a guy but he was called baldy prick…. #but at home there’s handsome mark and he is handsome and has a lovely smile

[onebizarrekai]

god dammit I knew there was a plot hole. guys chris is supposed to have no idea who felix is. I completely forgot that isaac mentioned him at the beginning of the season when he got hurt. I've been living in a universe where isaac and chris don't talk to each other for long enough that I figured chris was completely ostracized from that part of the plot and it never occurred to me that this happened.

I think I have to change ch2 to isaac failing to mention felix by name (he only does offhandedly, so it's not a huge change, but…). it bothers me, but to match the state of the story, I think I have to. arrrrrgh

edit:

this is the adjusted version from s2ch2. rather than mentioning felix wolfe by name, isaac doesn't specify who he is, so chris has no idea. hopefully this doesn't happen anywhere else :')

#side note wow? I'm so used to drew I'm sitting here like. why didn't chris immediately say he was sorry isaac got hurt #that aside. I am a little horrified that this mistake slipped through #that scene where felix gets chris's help is meant to just be funny. it's not really supposed to make chris seem like a terrible person #he hasn't talked to edward in like a month. he thinks of edward as the guy who beat up his friend multiple times (nevin) #ibvs

[stinkybrowndogs]

Aprils Patreon reward! Did you know there are three ridgebacked dog breeds? I did not.

From left to right: Thai Ridgeback, Rhodesian Ridgeback, and Phu Quoc Ridgeback

#dog breeds #dogs #my art #the stickers this month are the three dogs #to match #heheh hoo hoo #guys I am having a hard time finishing the spitzes #I did the next group and wow I hate how it turned out #so I’m taking a little break sorry

[lenaellsi]

if i have to read any variation of the sentiment "crowley doesn't care about the world, he only cares about himself and aziraphale" with my only human eyes ever again i will not be responsible for my actions

#GET WELL SOON! #anyway crowley loves wine and cars and music and plants and the stars and the earth and humanity #he is so full of love for the universe that the thought of god ending it all was enough to make him FALL FROM HEAVEN! #he's obsessed with aziraphale i will not deny it but aziraphale is NOT the ONLY THING HE LOVES!! #the idea that he wanted to fuck off forever without even TRYING to save the world is bad interpretation of the scene. sorry. #crowley: you can't leave this bookshop #everyone for some reason: wow i can't believe he wants to leave the earth right now immediately forever #just because he doesn't want to WORK WITH THE GUYS TRYING TO END THE WORLD. #good omens #gos2 spoilers #crowley #good omens meta #who proposed saving the world in the first place. who tempted aziraphale into it. i am so

[arashi-no-saxlphone]

Asuka R Kreutz might be one of the greatest characters in fiction and if you play him in Strive I'm jealous of you - how do you do all that? My head hurts...

#sairambles #guilty gear #ggst #asuka r kreutz #fuck dude I had to cut off that ask pretty hard because I won't lie #we were entering the possibility of me sitting down and spending hours on research to cover the full scope of Asuka as a character #I hope whoever sent that ask is satisfied with my answer because it was #a lot #and a mess #I hope I got all the stuff right I was all over the place on the wiki double checking and shit #god the new wiki is so good #dude the timeline is AMAZING it's so helpful #I'm screaming I need to go to bed holy shit man I forgot to eat because I was busy get enraptured in Asuka lore #I am eating now #sorry thoughts spilling over now this is becoming messy #wow I'm really not normal #what is wrong with this guy (me)

[boilingheart]

best thing about mathias shaw is that there's just no sex appeal. zero. none. nada. this guy's got no rizz or whatever they're calling it these days. nothing. yeah he's like well built he's a master spy and one of the top rogues for sure, he's uptight and got that van dyke mustache and wears a corset 24/7 but he's just so fucking stick in the mud boring he's a vibe killer being around him is rancid he's so uptight and to the book you can't stand him. he curls his fuckin mustache he smiles at nothing. in theory he is hot as hell. catboy type of modern middle aged man babygirl. my girlfriend in theory. right. but he's so comically unfuckable. old white guy child soldier who's never fucking smiled in his life until flynn fairwind showed up. shout out to flynn fairwind, who is overflowing with raw sex appeal and charm and charisma, who took one look at this boring unsalted alliance spymaster who curls his mustache and hides his personality behind 37 reinforced walls, said "i can fix him" and then he DID. it's so funny to me. i'm correct about everything btw.

#bheart talks #sorry guys i'm coming back to wow and like every old wow hyperfixation is slowly rising from the dirt and reanimating #also i say all of this with love i love mathias shaw so dearly #if y'all remember he was my blorbo for the entirety of 2020 and i am background obsessed with him #but like. for me personally unlike with all the other blorbos of mine where i'm l #i'm like ''hey babygirl'' and i sit here and objectify my collection of middle aged grizzled jaded men. mathias shaw just. does NOT fit #he is simply NOT in this category and that is SO FUNNY TO MEEEE #in theory and on paper he could be absolutely yes he hits all the boxes yet in execution? negative points in sex appeal #and flynn is smitten and in love with him they are madly in love with each other #mathias shaw you are so boring /affectionate #my dearest fucked up ginger whose background is mostly duct taped cardboard cutouts and my personal hcs and imagination for the rest #mathias shaw

[mitamicah]

Sad Micah hours. Yay.

#I said I was scared about getting my hopes up right? #well I have been hitting myself so much in a head about it that I now feel sad #and then seeing all of you guys being so happy having all these wonderful experiences with the boys #I want to be only happy for you #and I am #mostly #I just ... cannot help but feel left out #especially in two instances where 1) I was close to having experienced it myself #and 2) all this person has written to me about was their 'wow I wish that were me' stories for days now #I know this is my own fault #that me being annoyed is really me being entitled #that I shouldn't expect anything #that this is my feelings and they are bad #setting my boundaries with one of said people however has made me feel even worse #like I don't deserve to meet the band if I act like this #entitled brat as I am #maybe I should just meet up and shut up #not even bother taking my sign with me or the gifts I made #just smile and give out stickers because that is all I seem good for #we are coming very close to self hating territory here #I am sorry #micahs thoughts

[derpinette]

i have this "alter ego" that only exists in my head where essentially i am a fat sloppy drunk old fisherman with no loved ones living in misery & isolation & i often imagine myself as him especially in moments of patheticness

#& he is always a fisherman not a farmer not a fisherwoman either ( too badass... ) #past life ?! caus my ♯azn side was all fishers & stuff like my grandfather ETC but like all of them looked anorexic instead of fat so #also i imagine the guy as kind of vaguely mediterranean looking so maybe not because that side of my family are mountain farmers #when i read the old man & the sea ( i hate hemingway BTW ♯NotPete ♯ActuallyMikey ) ( uhm sorry about that... ) #i was like this is my life/future if it was better... 🚬 But that was a good while after i was already thinking of myself like that #closest thing i felt to a kin moment is when we analyzed miss brill like wow me & i am not even old that is genuinely just my life #as a (at the time) seventeen year old. & also carol ledoux from repulsion literally 100% only i am an ugly freak instead of beautiful #i pretty much never think of myself as myself in my head & actually never when i was younger up until age 9 i remember vividly #& i just had this thought while making my lazy “bite sized” onigiri ( bowl of seasoned rice +tunamayo +vache qui rit +avocado +spoon ) #but even when i make the non lazy version i get so overwhelmed & irritated & SLOPPY i feel like a drunk old man with nothing to #live for #anyone else feel like this sometimes... #if any of you weeaboos judge my terminology by the way i will kill myself just FYI #IDCCCC about the actual name you know what i mean. quasi poke bowl but each “component” has its own dish. whatever OK...

[badolmen]

My secret superpower is straightbaiting miserable men into improving their lives and being better people 👍

#ra speaks #personal #TWICE. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN TWICE. #the first time it was like haha yeahhh sorry dude I’m gay and I was really trying to make this work on the premise that I might be bi #but this ain’t working out :/ sorry #him: oh wow this kinda sucks but oh well *leaves his family’s evangelical cult* *keeps coming to community service events* *etc.* #but a second time??? a guy wants to ‘hang out w me’ so I end up dragging him to protests and rallies and community service events #and when I break the news like hey dude you’re cool but I am a capital D dyke #and he’s like *sigh* yeah I figured. but can we still carpool to that protest on Saturday? #like ?????? I’m not even trying to fix you. you’re the one trying to fix me. and I reverse psychology you into being a better person. what.

[abstractlesbian]

Find someone slightly annoying but in really small harmless ways so I decide none of the behaviours are worth bringing up with them → realizing: hey, Im also annoying! solidarity! → realizing we have a lot in common and starting to bond → finding out other people find this person annoying and are vocal about it behind their back → finding out this person has ADHD like me that's (at least one reason) why we have all these traits in common → fear.

#trying to be as vague as possible even tho this is someone I know offline and no one involved follows me online #on one level I get it that relying someone who is forgetful and does things slower/differently than you can be frustrating #but like its a medical condition. and u dont need to know someones medical info to have some empathy instead of assuming malice/incompetence #i just found out they have adhd today but day one i was able to go 'wow i did not like the way they handled that but i dont think they were #being hurtful/careless we just handle this task differently. rhey didnt do anything wrong and i can let this go and adjust my expectations' #not to say im perfect and never ableist towards others. my first reaction to seeing traits i dislike in myself (from my disabilities) #in others is often to get annoyed and needing to adjust my thinking #i get annoyed with myself when I cant focus / cant be coherent or concise / cant finish tasks quickly etc #→ get annoyed sometimes when I see others doing that → realize thats not fair to them → realize thats not fair to myself #→ assume good intentions and find ways to communicate/collaborate better with them → get along better and maybe make a new friend! #sorry i am rambling #idk its scary seeing someone being disliked for adhd symptoms/traits that im mostly doing a good job of managing/hiding in this #social environment so far and knowing that could happen to me in the future #but im also like ready to have this persons back #me 🤝 them: prioritizing the wrong tasks and overexplaining things and struglging to get our points across #and not noticing when we talk too loud and forgetting tasks halfway thru etc #not to be that guy but : without love it canmot be seen!!!! #lifes so much better if u just assume ppl arent doing things a certain way to be annoying + let go of / adapt to the thing that are annoying #but not harmful #thats not exactly what without love it cant be seen means but thats one of the ways i apply it in life #just like dont assume malice. assume u dont have all the info. approach ppl/situations with empathy. #or youll make yourself more miserable needlessly #again like only for shit that's not harmful obv #i need to shut up and go to bed