#& i just had this thought while making my lazy “bite sized” onigiri ( bowl of seasoned rice +tunamayo +vache qui rit +avocado +spoon )

[derpinette]

i have this "alter ego" that only exists in my head where essentially i am a fat sloppy drunk old fisherman with no loved ones living in misery & isolation & i often imagine myself as him especially in moments of patheticness

#& he is always a fisherman not a farmer not a fisherwoman either ( too badass... ) #past life ?! caus my ♯azn side was all fishers & stuff like my grandfather ETC but like all of them looked anorexic instead of fat so #also i imagine the guy as kind of vaguely mediterranean looking so maybe not because that side of my family are mountain farmers #when i read the old man & the sea ( i hate hemingway BTW ♯NotPete ♯ActuallyMikey ) ( uhm sorry about that... ) #i was like this is my life/future if it was better... 🚬 But that was a good while after i was already thinking of myself like that #closest thing i felt to a kin moment is when we analyzed miss brill like wow me & i am not even old that is genuinely just my life #as a (at the time) seventeen year old. & also carol ledoux from repulsion literally 100% only i am an ugly freak instead of beautiful #i pretty much never think of myself as myself in my head & actually never when i was younger up until age 9 i remember vividly #& i just had this thought while making my lazy “bite sized” onigiri ( bowl of seasoned rice +tunamayo +vache qui rit +avocado +spoon ) #but even when i make the non lazy version i get so overwhelmed & irritated & SLOPPY i feel like a drunk old man with nothing to #live for #anyone else feel like this sometimes... #if any of you weeaboos judge my terminology by the way i will kill myself just FYI #IDCCCC about the actual name you know what i mean. quasi poke bowl but each “component” has its own dish. whatever OK...