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juqtier · 5 months

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☆◞: IM ALWAYS JUST A DOOR AWAY ✧ SPENCER REID

SUMMARY: after blowing up at your neighbor, you and your friend decide to have a night out to help you with stress. what could go wrong?

GENERAL WARNINGS: mentions of alcohol and alcohol, angsty, arguing, spencer is kind of (definitely) an asshole, kissing, cursing, somewhat darker plot points as story progresses

THIS CHAPTERS CONTAINS: alcohol and alcohol consumption, characters are drunk, cursing, spencer is an asshole, cursing. also if anything is wrong or said wrong ignore it and pretend it’s all correct thanks 💯🥰🫶🏽

GENRE: enemies to lovers, fluff, angst

⋆·˚ ༘ *

chapter 2 : it’s dr. reid

✎ It has been a couple weeks since you blew up at Spencer, and not much has changed. Well, except for your attitude towards him.

You never smiled or waved at him. In fact, if he even glanced at you, you’d quickly roll your eyes before he got the chance.

As you sat in the back at your work, counting tips, you couldn’t help but think about how much you hated him.

God, he’s so stuck up.

He doesn’t even know me.

Wearing a vest doesn’t make you any better than me or anyo-

"(Y/N), are you okay?”

Your coworker (and closest friend), Liv, interrupts your thoughts. She stared at you with a subtle hint of confusion. You hadn’t even realized you'd been zoned out or that you’d been slamming down the cash on the table.

You and Liv met when you first began working here. She was possibly the happiest person you know, and the kindest. She always listened to you ramble about anything, whether it was a stupid hobby, a rude customer, or even the most mundane story about your week.

“Um yeah. Just some problems..” You weren’t even sure how to answer her. Bringing up the situation made you even more furious.

However, Liv became a bit more concerned with this answer.

“Oh no! What’s wrong? Family troubles, a boy?”

You breathe in deeply, trying to suppress the anger building up again before you start talking.

“It’s just... my neighbor.”

Liv leans on the table you sat at, obviously interested in what you have to say. “Go on…”

Her saying that immediately gave your mind the confirmation it needed to go ahead with your rant.

“Well, when I moved in, I wanted to greet him. I don’t know, trying to be neighborly and whatnot, like one does. But.. like..”

You rub your face with your hands. It became clear to you that talking about this would anger you no matter what, so why not just get it over with?

“He’s such a jerk. Like, he interrupted me when I tried to say hello. He even slammed the door in my face.”

Your friend's eyes widen, leaning more towards you, showing her interest. Honestly, even if she wasn’t showing any care whatsoever, the words would’ve kept spewing out regardless. You needed to get this off your chest.

“Oh, and he showed up at my door, telling me to turn my music down. I have no problem with that, but in the same breath, he tells me how I have terrible taste. He said, 'Some of us have jobs and commitments', or whatever bullshit he said to me. Like oh I’m sorry, I never knew because I don’t also work my ass off!”

Your voice gradually became louder, yet you weren’t quite yelling. All Liv does is nod softly, almost as if she knew how much anger and frustration built up inside of you.

“And I live next to him, I can’t avoid him. He’s like the plague! Maybe during the apartment tour, the realtor could’ve been kind enough to give me a heads-up! Maybe like, ‘Oh, by the way, the neighbor is insanely rude and pretentious, so maybe avoid him if you can’, I dunno!”

“Jesus, (Y/N), I’m sorry.” Liv quickly says. Venting to your friend calmed you down a bit, but you were still visibly annoyed.

“It’s fine… It’s not... whatever.” Your body slumps into the chair, the tip money you were previously counting still spread in front of you.

“Let’s go out tonight. You and me!” Liv suggests happily.

The idea sounds nice, but you haven’t been out in what feels like forever. When you moved, you left all of your dresses and more risqué clothing behind to make the move easier. I mean, you didn’t even think you’d have a reason to go out of the house.

“Liv, thanks for the attempt at helping, but I haven’t gone out in so long. I don’t even have going-out clothes.”

"Well, you’re in luck, sweets! I have tons of going-out clothes, or whatever you call them. When I’m out in a couple hours. Finish counting your tips, go home, shower, and I’ll pick you up. No ifs, ands, or buts. See ya!"

With that, she smiles sweetly at you and hurries off, going to serve another table fast enough so you can’t say no to the plans she made. You let out a small huff, seeing no way out of this.

And Liv was nice; what harm could going out with her do?

You gather the cash and stuff it into an envelope, sliding it into your purse and gathering the rest of your belongings. Untying your apron and setting it down, you exit the restaurant through the back and make your way to your car.

Please let tonight be a good one.

-‘๑’-

“Choose an outfit, any outfit!”

Liv displayed all her dresses for you to choose from on her bed. She had picked you up a couple hours prior, and the two of you had been talking for a while before getting ready.

You straightened your hair and did a smokey makeup look, something you hadn’t done in a while.

The dress selection was quite impressive, but a simple short, sparkly black dress stood out to you the most. You pick it up and show Liv your choice.

“Ooooh, skimpy, yet simple. I like!” Liv said, smiling from ear to ear.

“Go put it on!”

She eagerly pushes you into the bathroom to change, shutting the door behind you.

Slipping the clothes on and staring at yourself in the mirror, you felt insanely confident. Since you hadn’t been out in so long, you forgot how fun it was to get dressed up.

Stepping out of the bathroom and into the room where Liv went to change, she audibly gasped upon seeing you.

“Jesus (Y/N), you look hot!”

A giggle escapes your lips as you look down at the yourself and smile at her.

“I might have to steal this dress, I like them too much.”

“I’d pay you to keep it, you look good.”

The comment made you blush slightly as your friend continued to compliment you.

“Alright, I'm ready. Let’s go!”

The two of you order a cab and head to the club. The thought of Spencer Reid is nowhere in your mind.

-‘๑’-

As you arrive at the club, you can already tell it’s quite full. Just upon entering, you see tons of people dancing and drinking—even a drunk girl spilling her drinks all over herself as her friends quickly try to clean her up.

Liv grabs your arm, dragging you up to the bar in a matter of seconds. It seemed so fast; you hadn’t even noticed she ordered you two drinks.

“Two tequila shots, two waters, and two limes, thank you!” Liv orders from the bartender. He nods and heads off to grab you guys your drinks.

“Starting off strong?” You say this, laughing softly.

“Of course! I want you to have a good night, (Y/N). It’ll be fun, trust me!"

Liv smiled softly at you as she grabbed the salt on the counter, seeing the bartender come back with the shots.

“Here you go. Enjoy, ladies.”

The both of you nod as the bartender steps away, helping others with their drinks. You lick the back of your hand and sprinkle salt on it before grabbing the shot and throwing it back.

It burned slightly, going down your throat, and you winced a bit. Quickly licking the salt off your hands and sucking on the lime, you can’t help but shake a little bit. It’s been so long since you’ve even consumed any sort of alcohol, so this shot felt incredibly strong to you.

"Jesus, I forgot how much I hate tequila.” You say, clearing your throat a bit. You grab your water and take a sip as Liv laughs, seemingly having had no reaction to the shot.

“Welcome back to drinking, huh?” She jokes, which makes you both laugh a little.

-‘๑’-

As the night goes on, the two of you dance and drink more, progressively becoming drunker. The shots began going down like water; a lime wasn’t needed to help anymore.

As you and Liv danced together, you decided to get more shots. Liv was clearly having too much fun to get off the dance floor right away, so you made the sacrifice to step off and grab them.

“I’ll go grab us some more shots; you just stay here.” You say to her, words slurring as you walk over to the bar. You lean on the bar to order more shots, hoping to make them your last ones as you get more and more tired.

The bar was full, so the bartender wasn’t going to tend to you right away. As you take a seat to help you have some sort of balance, you become aware of the presence of someone behind you. Assuming it was Liv, you snap your head to look at the person.

No fucking way

It seemed like you could never escape the nightmare that is Spencer Reid.

"Holy shit, Reid... are you stalking me?” You say this, looking up at the tall man. If your words didn’t indicate how drunk you were, your face did. Your eyes were heavy, and your face was slightly flushed red.

“Stalking you? I wouldn’t even if I was paid.” He states, making you roll your eyes.

“I don’t know what karmic debt I have to pay off, but it sure is hell seeing you everywhere I go.”

The words coming out of your mouth were so slurred, it made him chuckle. This made you roll your eyes again, annoyed at everything he did.

“I’m not particularly pleased to see you either." He answers, not even looking down at you as he scans the bar.

“And besides, you’re not the only one allowed to go out. I’m here with some work friends, not for you. They’re all just too drunk to hold a conversation…”

You laugh slightly as you tilt your head. “You don’t drink”

“No, not really. Can’t say the same can you? Try not to clear out the alcohol…”

Of course he had to throw in a snarky comment quickly. Even if it wasn’t normally seen as rude, coming from him was a different story.

“I’m leaving anyway.. have a.. nice night… or whatever.” You reply swiftly, forgetting the shots you planned to order and hopping out of your seat. You stagger a few steps away before feeling his hand wrap around your forearm, quickly stopping you.

“Wait, how are you getting home? You can’t drive like this.”

It almost felt like you couldn’t roll your eyes anymore than you have. You turn your head to look at him, your hair falling in front of your face.

“Don’t pretend to care.. where.. I’m going." Your words seemed to take forever to get out; you just wanted to get as far away as possible in that moment.

“Just because I don’t like you at all doesn’t mean I’m going to let you be in possibly dangerous situations. Especially in this state..." His eyes didn’t seem angry at that moment; they were just worried. It almost felt foreign to see him not roll his eyes back at you. It shocked you.

“How are you getting home?" Spencer’s voice is a lot more stern this time, startling you a bit. You never expected him, of all people, to care.

"Well, mister Reid…”

“It’s Dr.” He corrects you.

“Whatever.. me and my friend… Liv… will get a cab home. Any other questions?"

When he doesn’t respond right away, you think that’s the end of the interaction. When you attempt to slip your arm out of his grasp, he only tightens his grip a bit more. Not hurting you, but stopping you from walking away.

“I- I don’t think that’s very safe. I’ll give you guys a ride.”

Usually you’d argue and protest, but he seemed too serious to even try. And besides, you’d rather get a free ride than pay for one.

“Whatever..” You begrudgingly agree, pulling your arm away to go get your friend. Liv is easily pulled off the dance floor this time as you explain the situation. She holds onto your arms as you exit the club behind Spencer. It was obvious she had many more drinks than you; you could’ve looked a little sober next to her.

"Hello, sir, thank you for the ride.” She says to Spencer, her words are barely comprehensible. Spencer just nods, not really understanding what she said.

You walk to Spencer’s car with Liv on your arm, then softly help her into the backseat, buckling her up. She was laughing and giggling as you did so, not paying much attention to Spencer at all.

"Please, please, please don’t throw up in my car.” You hear him talk to himself as he walks to the driver's side door and gets in.

As you get in the front seat beside Spencer, you look around at the interior of the car. It was completely clean; there was not a speck of dirt in sight.

“Huh, is the car new?” You ask, turning your head to face him. He shook his head as he stuck the keys in the ignition, starting the vehicle.

“No. I just don’t drive much. I don’t like to, I usually take the train or have a coworker drive me. Can you give me your guys addresses?”

You nod, telling him both addresses, seeing as Liv was too inebriated to say much. The car begins to move, and you lay your head back to stare out the window. Watching the world pass by was calming; you even began to drift off a little.

Suddenly, the car stops.

“We’re at Livs.” He almost whispers. You lift your head up and look around before getting out of the car. You still had pretty bad balance, but better than Liv’s, who had passed out by now. Spencer gets out as well and helps you hoist Liv out of the backseat.

“How much did you guys drink?” He asks, referencing how drunk your friend was. The two of you begin walking to the door of her house.

“Not a lot, just... a lot..” You joke, laughing at your own stupidity.

“I wouldn’t do that. Alcohol causes 13 percent of deaths among-“

“Boooorinnng.” You interrupt. He presses his lips together as you two reach the door. You dig through the purse Liv had on her shoulder and fish her keys out, quickly unlocking the door and pushing it open.

“I’ll go put her to bed.” You say, dragging Liv off Spencer’s shoulders and to her room. She is easily carried, being quite light. As you reach her room, you set her down on the bed and take her purse off her shoulder, placing the keys beside it on her dresser. She didn’t really respond much, but you did hear her softly snoring as you laid her down.

As you shut the lights off and exit the house, you see Spencer waiting on the sidewalk for you.

“Come on, I’m tired.”

You walk to the car and get it again, buckling up quickly.

As you begin driving, he suddenly begins talking to you.

“I never took you as someone to go out at all.”

“Dr. Reid, you don’t know me at all.”

Saying this makes you realize, you don’t know him either. I mean, he was annoying, yes, but what did he do? What did he like? Were his interests as painstakingly pretentious as he was? You grew curious, then quickly grew confused as to why you were curious at all.

When he laughs at your comment, you immediately snap out of your head. “I do know you’re a pain in the ass.”

“You’re not exactly a dream either, believe me.”

You go back to staring out the window, waiting for the car to finally park in front of your apartment.

When it finally does, you get out as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, Spencer is right behind you.

“Stop following me, weirdo.” You comment as you walk in front of him, refusing to turn around.

"Sorry, princess, but in case you forgot, I’m your neighbor.”

You groan at this comment as you both reach your apartment doors. You were already so irritated and tired that you couldn’t bear another snarky comment or remark from him. Opening your door, you look at him and nod.

“Good night, Dr. Reid.” Your tone was sassy, yet jokey. He rolled his eyes and smiled at you, lifting his hand to wave goodbye. Before he can reply or say anything, you shut the door.

You made him smile.

He smiled cause of you?

Why did you care so much that he smiled? Shouldn’t that annoy you? Maybe you were just too drunk to function properly. You shake the thoughts off and slip into more comfortable clothes, quickly jumping into bed and falling asleep. Maybe tomorrow you’ll be thinking straight…

-‘๑’-

PT 1 | PT 3

tag list: @daisyridleyss @taygrls @yeonalie @peanutbelley @vivian-555 @ehedrick012110

a.n : this feels really long, and it is, so sorry ! but next chapter is a lil more eventful i hope! also, in my head liv is a blonde sweet sort of ditzy girl, but you can imagine her however you’d like! liv lover regardless 💪🏽💯

#spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid #cm imagine #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds #juqtier writes… 🐈

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aeomianamoure · 1 month

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— emo beomgyu as your comforting bestfriend <3

warnings <3: friends to lovers kinda? (beomgyu is in love with the reader) angst ): reader has bpd n coping with a bad breakup, cursing, reader has mixed feelings about breakup, symptoms of depression basically

a/n <3: im sorry this isn’t the usual posts i make im currently coping with a breakup and i was with my fp of over two years and im in desperate need of a way to cope that doesn’t involve self destructing please enjoy!!

it’s been about eleven months since your breakup with your partner and it feels like it’s been years since

you’ve decided to try therapy, you even begged for your partner to try again but no avail

you grew helpless, and overall just very depressed

you started spending all day in your room, ignoring your friends, family and even ignoring basic human needs since as eating causing a sufficient amount of weight loss

you didn’t understand why you were still so sad about this breakup, the relationship you had with your partner was dead anyway you guys were constantly on and off and always arguing it really made no sense to you why you’re still so upset over them

you began to have mixed feelings, constantly going back to black and white thinking on your ex wondering what hurt more? hurting with them around or hurting with them gone

you felt overdramatic but this was your fp for crying out loud, your first of everything you felt like you were never gonna get over it

you always knew that it your my bpd making you feel this way bc no normal person mourns a breakup like if the person died

you were absolutely spiraling during the day you felt infinite and felt like you were over your ex and then when you were alone at night and you’re mourning your ex and sobbing hysterically trying to get them back

everyone tells you that time heals and you’ll get over it but you’re really starting to believe that that won’t ever happen

you sigh in defeat as you begin to lay on your bed for the nth day in a row planning on bed rotting until you hear a faint knock by your bay window

groaning as you sit up weakly walking to the sound, you open the window your smiling fainting at the sight of your childhood bestfriend beomgyu you move out of the way to let him in your bedroom

“you doing okay? you haven’t been answering my calls or texts” the oreo hair colored older male asked you taking in the state you’re currently in

your lip wobbles at the question as you try to fight back sobs and falling into the boys arms but you fail miserably as you cling onto your friend sobbing in the crook of his neck scaring him a bit

“are you okay y/n-“ he blinks awkwardly hugging you

you sigh again “no im not okay, im still not over them”

beomgyu looks at you in pity, “how come? they treated you so shitty and it’s almost been a year y/n”

“i know that beomgyu but it’s so hard to get over them when they were my fp” you begin to explain to the boy as he nods

“i got that but you do realize throughout your entire relationship with them you were the glue holding the relationship together right? you were there for them when they needed it the most when they were depressed and they couldn’t even do that for you” the boy goes on a rant

“i know that but maybe i just need to get over this depression phase alone”

“do you hear yourself? no one deserves to go through depression alone!” beomgyu’s heart breaks at your statement as he hugs you tighter

you smile weakly moving to sit beside him instead of on his lap, “you really think so?”

“i know so” he smiles back at you

“hey are you hungry? i hear your stomach growling” beomgyu asked you looking at how much weight you’ve lost

you shake your head making the emo boy frown at you, “well that’s okay let’s just take this step by step okay? im sorry for not checking in on you in person sooner but i’m here now as a friend a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to” beomgyu brings you into a gentle embrace rubbing his fingers through your hair in attempt to cheer you up

beomgyu felt guilty for this but he was in love with you, has been since high school but he knew the timing wasn’t right and you desperately need a friend right now

even though it hurts him that you may never be over your ex at least he can be there for you rather than not have you at all

a/n: it’s only been a day since my breakup with my partner but i hope i get over them soon bc i know our relationship has been dead for months before the final breakup :( also sorry if this one shot isn’t so good ):

#Spotify #coquette #emo boyfriend #emo x coquette #txt x reader #angelina’s garden ♡!#txt #txt imagines #txt oneshots #beomgyu #beomgyu x reader #beomgyu x female reader

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wrathofrats · 5 months

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I NEED MORE ERA 3 GHOUL CONTENT 😭 PLEASE MORE IM BEGGING PLEASSSSSSEEEEE

Again yall are opening a box that I cannot contain. I’ve been rambling about old ghouls to @divine-misfortune for months.

Here’s some of the headcanons we’ve come up with. Please enjoy

Also I’m counting era 3 ghouls as pebble, ivy, cowbell, mist, zephyr, ifrit and delta! But delta will not be mentioned here for reasons (the reasons are I am having a lot of fun with him and will post about him later). And I know I talk a lot about Zeph and ifrit on here so I’ll put a bit less of them.

Cut for length bc ohhh im going to ramble

Pebble:

- very punk inspired for looks. I think he has a lot of piercings and that kind of mentality. He’s a rebel (also a shithead but like in the most positive way)

- his favorite hobby is fucking with alpha. He’s just so easy to anger. It’s all stupid pranks and comments, harmless but they argue a lot.

- he smokes weed in the vents with cowbell

- extremely soft for ivy. Also very possessive but it’s ok they’re in love your honor.

Ivy:

- shy, nerd type, he looks like a dork im sorry. He has anxiety just a bit for character

- pebble is his emotional support mean person

- he’s so sweet. Genuinely just here to be nice to others and vibe

- terrible pain tolerance. He’s a bit of a baby but I love him so much (pebble coddles him beyond belief)

- touchy, enjoys physical contact

Mist:

- short hair, rbf, she runs the place like the navy when she’s left in charge

- snarky, very well respected, very “leave me alone” type a fair amount of the time

- enjoys messing with the other ghouls w pebble. They’re besties I don’t make the rules

- very much dews mentor when he’s first summoned

- she’s my mean lesbian stereotype back off I’m in love with her

Cowbell

- oh he’s kinda fucking strange

- like he looks off putting. He came out wrong (I love him)

- enjoys being creepy. He likes scaring the other ghouls by looking fucking strange

- fire and air specialized multi ghoul

- he knows everything about everyone

Zephyr:

- disabled and chronically ill (he’s my emotional support Barbie and I’ll give them all the illnesses I want)

- he/they or they/them it depends on the day

- mean, cranky old man (with so much love)

- obviously they’re in love with ifrit and would do anything for him that’s his himbo everyone else back off

- he has a sick ass cane that og earth widdled them to help with the joint pain

Ifrit:

- he’s so beefy and stupid

- he’s so fucking sweet though. Like he is THE himbo

- carries Zeph around bc he would do anything for them

I’m leaving this here but phhhhhh pls ask me about the old ghouls and these guys PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ASK ME ABOUT THEM ALL MORE IM DYING TO TALK ABOUT THEM

#the band ghost #ghost #nameless ghouls #ghost bc #wrath writes #ifrit ghoul #zephyr ghoul #pebble ghoul #ivy ghoul #cowbell ghoul #mist ghoulette #wrath asks #wrath’s ghost lore

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buckys-little-belle · 2 years

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little rae here 💌 if it okay can i talk to u & vent a lil?

feelin small, got a bit triggered by parents arguing. loud noises wit no sleep & my brain is feeling staticy nd fuzzy, rlly hard to think rn if that makes sense? wish i had stevie & eds wit me :( took a shower tho & now im gon cuddle wit my stuffed duck mr waddles & read some of ur stuff. thank u for makin me feel safe, love u belle i sendin hugs

Duckie

Steddie x Little!Reader (They/Them Pronouns Used)

Warnings -

Notes - Sometimes my brain feels all fuzzy so I definitely understand how you feel. Though I can’t actually send Steve and Eddie your way, in a literal sense, I can write them, so this is for you bub <3

SFW - Please keep all interactions with this post, and this blog, SFW.

- - - - - -

“Duckie?” Steve questioned, holding up two boxes, one filled with regular waffles, the other blueberry. Y/n’s head snapped towards him, their mind far away as he spoke. “Which ones do you want?” Steve asked, the question now being asked for the third time, though Y/n seemed to be listening at least a bit this time.

“I dunno.” They mumbled, a sigh punctuating their words. “I can’ fink.” They confessed, their eyes filled ever so slightly with tears, guilt building in their chest at their inability to give an answer.

“That’s okay Duckie.” Steve smiled knowingly, he knew Y/n sometimes got ‘far out’, as Eddie would say, their thoughts slower and mind distant. Instead of asking the question again he placed one of each waffle into the toaster.

- - - - - -

Steve hand’t told Eddie about Y/n’s mindset, just sending them to him after breakfast to wake him up and get dressed. “What do you want to wear?” Eddie asked Y/n, rubbing sleep out of his eyes as he strode over to the dresser, opening the drawer filled with Y/n’s clothes. “A big shirt? Sleeves? No sleeves?” He began rattling off the options.

“I don’ know Ed’s.” Y/n frowned, sitting on the end of the bed, their hands in their lap as their head hung low, the carpet the centre of their attention.

“Well what colour do you want?” He asked instead, thinking that might be an easier question to ponder.

Instead of yell out their favourite colour like usual Y/n let out a sob. “I don’ wanna pick Ed’s.” The cried, tears falling from their cheeks, dripping onto the floor.

“What’s going on?” Steve asked, entering the room, a coffee in hand as he assessed the situation.

“‘m head feels fuzzy, I don’ know what shirt I wanna wear Stevie, I don’ know what waffles I wanna have, I jus’ don’ know!” They cried.

“Hey, hey.” Eddie cooed, kneeling down in front of Y/n, his head blocking their view of the boring carpet, Steve sitting down beside Y/n, his hand soothingly on their back, his mug long disregarded. “That’s okay, you don’t have to decide anything okay.” Eddie smiled, rubbing up and down their arm.

“We don‘ t have any plans today Duckie, we can stay in our Pjs and watch some movies, nice and simple, okay?” Steve offered, knowing how hard it can be for Y/n when in this headspace, their mind distant and the day confusing. “Come on, let’s brunch your teeth, and find Mr. Waddles, hm?” Steve stood up, grabbing his mug and gesturing to the bathroom.

“I’ll set the couch up for us.” Eddie smiled, leaping in action, gathering pillows and blankets for the group, the couch soon a miss mash of fuzzy blankets and comfy pillows.

- - - - - -

The day went by quickly, the three of hem sprawled out over the living room, more and more stuffies being added in after every movie, Eddie wanting Y/n to be as comfy as possible. “Here.” Eddie whispered, passing Y/n their sippy cup, and Steve a new mug filled with coffee. “It’s fruit punch.” He warned, making sure they knew what was in it, not wanting them to be surprised.

“Tanks.” Y/n murmured, gripping their stuffie closer, and snuggling back into Steve, Eddie picking up their legs to lay in his lap, blankets quickly thrown over them all to keep warm.

Sure the days plans had changed, but Y/n needed their boys, and their boys were happy to comply, willing to make the hard decisions for the day in exchange for some warm cuddles and happy laughs.

#buckys little belle #age regression fic #little!reader #age regression #eddie munson x little reader #eddie munson little fic #eddie munson fic #eddie munson age regression #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x little!reader #eddie x reader #eddie munson #steve x little reader #steve harrington x little!reader #steve harrington x little reader #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington

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the-s1lly-corner · 6 months

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I love your work so much aaaaaAAAAA!!!

Ok so imma be straightforward, this is straight up me coping with irl stuff and reading your work makes me forget the cruel outside world so HERE WE GO!

Caine and Kinger x S/O who hides who they are out of fear of negative responses. Bottles it all up until they can't handle it anymore. Like, the reader is very much used to being the therapist/caretaker and is often very happy and doesn't hesitate to help others but silently they think rudely of others, holding their tounge constantly and even mutter under their breath about others being annoying. Ofc they don't want others to see who they truly are, in fear of rejection or their worst fear, isolation. They hate this part of themselves, like why do they have these horrible thoughts about others? It even borders on abstraction.

They can only feel comfortable around their partner and try their best not to vent too much but Caine/Kinger can sense something is wrong and even see their S/O glitching a bit and ask what's wrong and say its ok (in their own special ways!) and the reader just finally cracks, and in their glitching voice is sobbing on how much of a terrible person they are and how they deserve to be in this digital hell for being so horrible.

Im so normal about this. And just so it's not so hard to think of a title, I recommend "Caine and Kinger x reader who pretends!" you don't have to use it but it's there!

Unsavory thoughts (Caine and kinger x reader)!

UEAAA THIS GOT BURIED IM SO SO SO SORRY ANON!! I truly did not mean to take this long to get to your request :(

That said I'm so happy to hear that my silly writing has a positive impact on people.. please remember to drink water and get plenty of rest, remember that there are people that care about you

Hands you a glass of juice

I got silly with Caines piece

CAINE:

KINGER:

Between the two it takes him a little while longer to realize that something is wrong with you. I mean hes still trying to learn all these emotions that make people.. human

Absolutely panics when he sees you glitch out. I'm talking his eyes fly out of his jaws as they hang open panic. Rushes to you to see if you're okay... god forbid youre abstracting... maybe he can help ground you, or something?

Listens to you talk, for once the ringmaster is quiet. Rubs your back

You... have mean thoughts about people...?

Is it not okay to dislike people? Is it not reasonable to be irritable in a new environment? Is it not normal to have at least a few terrible thoughts about others? Are you any less worthy of support or love because you're not a ray of sunshine?

Is this not what being human is about?

Of course he wouldnt say it exactly like that, but he would carry the same message, I think. Is what you're experiencing not a natural part of the human experience?

Yes, you can argue that caine is an AI and he has no place to speak on matters like these, but as your partner he wont let you go without comfort and reassurance

He let's you talk and let it all out. I think going forward he makes it a point to make sure you get time alone, and time with him... makes IHAs more "non intrusive" so you can opt out if you dont want to interact with the others

Very accommodating, I think

Unlike caine he catches on really fast that theres something wrong, something even larger than you're letting on. But still, he let's you do your small but rare vents... until he returns to you after briefly taking some time away from you for one reason or another to find you having a melt down. He thinks you're abstracting, and you probably are. Honestly I can see kinger doing the grounding technique (the 5 sense thing) and he tries to guide you through it to help calm you down enough to pull yourself together just enough to stabilize. Listens to your word vomit as you spill your guts out to him. While I domt think he would be as.. profound as caine... he carries a comfort only sweet old people can possess. And it calms you down. It's not an immediate solution, but its comforting nonetheless. He let's you sleep in his arms. He goes on to stand between you and others to try to keep you from getting too irritated or overwhelmed by the others; however he will stand to the side if you ask him to

Very protective of you but even more so after this

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x reader #kinger x reader

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virtue-and-beneviolence · 2 years

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would you lie for me?

Sano Manjiro is a little more than a gang president and more than a little unhinged and it takes you a while to see it.

tw: gaslighting, manipulation, there is not a single healthy relationship in here, vague smutty bit, relatively graphic depictions of violence, lots of blood, yandere behavior from mikey?, poorly timed make outs bc mikey is a fucking freak (affectionate), character death (if they’re named, they die) (abt 3.5k idk that triggers me /j)

Part of @sugusshi and @rxmera's blood point road collab so it doesn't stay sweet for long lol hope its cool im posting it now ssksk (Music for the vibes)

Sano Manjiro had beautiful eyes. Big, bright, honest, clear eyes. When he looked at you, you felt seen, you felt safe, you felt known and loved. He had eyes that could build you up with a glance. The kind of eyes that could speak on their own. His irises were soft with promises of the world, that everything would be okay, that you were enough. And you believed it.

Mikey’s voice was powerful. It was soft and caring like the brush of a hand to an aching cheek, it was bright like the sunniest day, yet authoritative when needed. With his voice he could beseech even the most stubborn agent into action. He could convince anyone to see his side and feel his emotions. Those who heard his honeyed voice, would without question follow him through the desert to the ends of the earth in hopes to find the peace he had.

Yes, he was perfect on the surface.

Mikey loved his friends, his followers. He could use his charisma to generate endless moral when things were tough. His reputation for helping solve personal turmoil precedes him. It was this trait that brought the two of you closer together in the beginning.

Mikey knew you had it in you to be the person he saw in you. The sweet, fun-loving, strong-willed woman was inside of you. You just needed some help chiseling away at long ignored problems and help identifying and excising toxic people in your life. But you trusted him because being with him was the highest high. Besides, he was never wrong and had yet to fail to draw the idyllic nature in any of those in his circle before. No matter the starting material he could shape anyone to their best self.

He believed in correction as much as he believed in kind words and encouragement. There were tried and true methods he used to correct behavior in his gang. Some public, like the venting sessions where everyone was free to share their complaints about a member’s behavior. These sessions were passionate events meant to strengthen the bond between all participants by allowing fully unfiltered opinions.

The first time you participated you’d never forget. It had never seemed so intense from the outside but being in the hotseat was a different story. One by one others shared your worst faults, picked at the scabs of lifelong insecurities, called out transgressions you made in moments of weakness. You wanted to fight back, to argue, to defend yourself. Angry and accusatory voices blurred into generic din that rattled you to your core. It was sensory overload. Your brain was fuzzy and when you opened your mouth to speak, or scream, you had yet to decide, a hand came down on your shoulder.

Manjiro lifted his other hand to pause the crowd. He leaned down and spoke softly in your ear, “Y/n, they love you. You need to hear this. We grow through the pain.”

Your voice died in your throat.

“Besides,” His voice went gravelly, “Can you really say they’re wrong?”

A strangled sound tumbled out of your mouth and tears flowed freely from your eyes. How could you have been so defensive. Without hearing it all, how could you ever grow past the resentment and bitterness that gripped you? By hearing and accepting your faults you could be free. You were everything they said about you and more.

Mikey ceremoniously knelt in front of you, took your face in his hands, and kissed away your tears. “I will build you back up. Stronger than before. You have my word.”

Mikey took a particular interest in you after that. Leapfrogging through the ranks made your heart skip a beat. He saw something special in you, he wanted to help you. He wanted you, and you dedicated yourself to proving him that he was right to have chosen you. You threw yourself into his causes, attended every event, offered to do anything Mikey asked. You wholly devoted yourself to the man with all the answers.

You weren’t supposed to be there. Mikey had sent you to take care of his bike’s service. It should have taken the whole afternoon. The shop was 45 minutes by train and he’s scheduled pickup during rush hour.

You should have been paying for the repairs right now, you should have been several hours out, but instead, you got a call mid commute cancelling the pickup (“found another issue, accept our apologies”). So, you switched train lines at the next stop and headed back early. The lights were out in the palatial house the upper echelon shared, when usually it’d be bustling at this hour. Huh. There must have been a Correction called. Before you could join, you’d need to drop off Mikey’s card, lest you fall back on your forgetful streak and risk earning his disappointment.

You quietly strode down the long hall to Mikey’s quarters, feeling a heaviness in your footsteps. On instinct, your body hesitated as you drew nearer.

Shuffling.

Maybe someone was on cleaning duty and had forgotten to do so at the regular time.

A…gasp? A ragged breath?

Was Mikey ill? Shouldn’t he be in the infirmary?

A thud. The crack of a slap. Incoherent babbles that you could swear felt like pleas.

Your pace quickened.

“Haahiki,” a voice begged, “Ahiki, uhlease nuh! Uease,, uease nuh, aht!”

“You know it hurts me to do this, Haruchiyo, but you need to learn,” Mikey’s unmistakable tone threatened, “when to stop talking back.”

Panicked noises left Sanzu as the shuffling increased. You were in the doorway when the wet staccato pops of tearing skin, the cracking pop of a jaw being dislocated, and the gargled scream hit your senses all at once. In horror, you looked on. Mikey’s right thumb was depressing Sanzu’s tongue, gripping his lower jaw with bruising strength. His left hand had already left the kneeling man’s mouth in favor of gripping his pink hair. Sanzu gurgled on blood, some of which spilled down his shirt, mouth open and tongue twitching in pain under his king’s thumb, unable to close his now lopsided jaw. Involuntary tears of pain diluted the thick red gushing from messily torn skin.

“Why did you make me hurt you?”

“M-Mikey what is happening," you spoke with caution, words metered, uncharacteristically calm in the face of such violence.

Mikey's attention snapped to you and as he let go of Haruchiyo, the kneeling man fell to his hands, congealing blood spilling heavily in half formed clots on the carpet from where it had been pooling in his mouth and throat. Mikey whispered your name and looked down at what he had done with a rehearsed look of renewed horror, "I didn't want to do this I never wanted to hurt anyone," Mikey's voice shook with raw emotion. "Y/n you know I-I'd never hurt anyone right?" He took half a step towards you, reaching out with shaky hands that you ducked from at first.

"Mikey what...why would you..."

"No!" Mikey snapped and roared the word. You jumped. "You won’t leave. You can’t leave me. You’re mine." Mikey’s voice was thick with grit and a ghost of panic but left no room for argument or question. His word was absolute. You opened your mouth to speak but he didn’t give you a chance, "You belong here, belong to our cause, to me…with me.” His words softened, seeing you hesitate in your recoil. He took advantage of you being frozen in place and grabbed your face, bloody thumbs aligned with your jaw and gently brushing your cheeks leaving messy streaks from the bulbous semisolid blood on the pads of his thumbs. "I need you. I need you to fix me. You’re the only one that can. You’ll do it won’t you? You’ll be my salvation.” It wasn’t a question.

A tacky, bloodied thumb swiped your lip reverently. Mikey peeled away his thumb and stared at the smeared print of his finger left behind on your now ajar lower lip. You buckle under oppressive eyes. Your head is full of cotton and your chest is bubbling with complicated emotions that rise and fall like goo in a lava lamp. You’re too aware of Haru retching. Too aware of the drying blood fusing Mikey’s fingers to your jaw. Of the sharp metallic odor turning your stomach. Of your breath, growing labored, your heartbeat in your ears, the sting of your nails digging deep crescents into your palms, the white-hot burn of tears threatening to fall, of…of something soft and warm and wet against the taut crimson smear on your lip. The taste of copper on your tongue. Warm lips slotted around your own. Warmth radiating from a hand on your lower back. Hot breath against freed lips.

“I-“ your head was swimming, mind flickering on and off it seemed from the overwhelming stimulation.

“You’ll fix this with me. You’ll stay. I know you will.”

Your body answered before you mind could catch up. “A-anything for you Mikey. Anything you ask.” He rubbed soothing circles on your lower back. The warmth he radiated eased your mind. He was comfort itself. The last holding splint holding you together; the pin in your grenade. “Whatever you need, consider it done.” He smiled with his whole face. “Just please, help Haruchiyo.”

Mikey’s glossy eyes hardened almost imperceptibly. He nodded and you took a glance at the man, eyes red from strain and pain without relief, cried to dehydration, to dryness. You’d never forget the split skin of his mouth that cracked his face into a smile.

That face, that last look of pained eyes blown wide on a torn face. How sorely you wished it was the last time you saw it.

He’d left that night. For medical attention, Mikey announced to the group. There’d been an accident, you see, and Haru would be gone for a while to recover. You nodded along solemnly as the dutiful only witness.

It had been an accident. A misunderstanding. A slip of judgement. You saw that now. Mikey would never do something so vile, but Haru made him lose control. If something could shift the inner peace that Mikey enjoyed, then surely that behavior was in dire need of rectification but any means necessary. Besides the event had crushed Mikey as further proof that he’d never wanted to hurt his friend.

Over the past two weeks, Mikey had hardly eaten, rarely showed face at events, spoke without his show stopping charisma, he’d paled, and his eyes were red and swollen much of the time. The guilt was killing him. You did you best to provide him with the love and care he needed to get through this tragedy.

You stayed with him nearly all hours of the day. Much of it was spent cooing to the man outwardly distraught over the accident. Reminding him he wasn’t his actions, that what was done was done, that a moment of weakness didn’t define him forever. He was still the Mikey everyone looked up to and loved. You fed him, warmed his bed, sang him to sleep every time nightmares woke him. When he was scared to face the others, scared of what he’d do to them, you offered your body to him as a sign of trust.

He treated you gingerly at first, as if terrified of breaking you. He dragged his fingertips along your exposed skin with feather light touches that made you shiver involuntarily. Caging your body under his, he breathed warnings into the crook of you neck between pressing kisses along your throat.

“Manjiro, I know you. You won’t hurt me. And besides,” you tugged his face out from where he hid to look at you. “I’m yours, aren’t I? Do with me what you want to. Whatever you need.” His red tinged eyes stared back while yours flitted over his face, smiling soothingly as you carded fingers through his hair to keep it out of his face as you pulled him down to your waiting lips.

Warm lips kissed down your body, careful to give the peak of each breast a moment’s attention. Strong hands snaked under your hips to hold your legs open as Mikey got comfortable between your thighs. He took in the view for a heartbeat and before you could open your mouth to vocalize complaints of shyness under his gaze, he began his sultry feast. You couldn’t be sure how long it lasted, you lost count of the times he’d brought you to climax on his fingers and tongue before he made his way back your face to make you taste yourself on his lips. Gasps and whimpers were stifled by your lover’s mouth as he pressed his length into you finally.

Mikey was soft and sweet, more sensual than you could have expected. The praises and encouragement poured from his lips felt so sincere, so genuine. The raw emotion of the moment struck you just right and tears bubbled in your eyes. Babbled confessions of love and devotion left you like prayers. Mikey kissed your tears away. The kiss you stole from him then was cut short as the peak of your pleasure washed over you with a breathy gasp of his name. He rode out your orgasm and reassuringly pressed his forehead to yours with promises that he was there, he had you, you were his. Shakily, you grabbed his cheeks and watched him come undone above you with your name on his tongue. You tucked his face in your neck, panting with him for a moment.

“Mikey, please stay. Please stay with me.”

“I will. Till the end.”

The thing about endings is that you rarely see them coming, and when you notice it, the pieces have already settled where they’ve fallen.

You were happy. You were happy in your life with Mikey. You had all you needed when you were in his arms, acting as his penance. Days were smooth, routine, and comfortable when you saw a new light slowly blink to life in his eyes since the accident a month ago. His eyes had a new depth, with no beginning or end. When you stared into them, you felt the gravity pull you in. You could blind yourself in the light of those eyes and you’d never be happier. He’d found himself through his pain and suffering.

Sure, a few people had lost sight of his vision and left, but that was of little consequence to Mikey. Differences in understanding weren’t failures after all. He’d done for them all he could to bring them to perfection. Besides, he had the rest of his followers to support him.

He was different than before. More flexible, somehow. The change filled your heart with appreciation and pride. He told you all the time how this was your doing. Your gift of understanding. Your support.

You healed him, he’d say.

Things were so comfortable you didn’t question it when he started to take walks at night. He knew how to stay safe, he assured you. He had arms if there were to be an emergency. Besides, he only walked along the heavily wooed property the gang controlled tightly. It was a hike no one knew better than Manjiro. He was cautious, he promised, there was no reason to worry for his safety. If it brought him this much serenity when he struggled to sleep, who were you to stop him?

The beginning of the end was signaled by the metallic scraping of metal along the wood of Mikey’s beside table, the soft hiss of air sucked through Mikey’s teeth at the cool sensation of metal on skin and a quiet snap of elastic. The soft click of your bedroom door and a hushed but clear voice stirred you from your half sleep as you listened to the man asking if it was really okay to make a private walk with Mikey, if you were okay, if he’d made Mikey disturb you. Manjiro hushed his companion, Kazutora, you realized.

You’d always been a light sleeper and now your interest had been piqued. Mikey never mentioned that his walks weren’t alone. Jealousy mixed with a general sense of unease swirled like muddy water leaving a bitter taste in your mouth that you swallowed. Casting the blankets aside, your feet found your slippers and you started after them.

Kazutora had a particularly difficult time with some of the changes. He’d expressed the most concern of the group for Mikey. He’d taken you aside subtly last week to ask if you’d noticed any changes in Mikey’s behavior. Only for the better, you assured him.

You tailed them all the way to the shrine and then further downstream. Where the crunch of feet on freshly fallen leaves and the babbling of the river obscured the conversation. You saw them speak. They seemed calm, tranquil, a stark contrast to the fear gnawing at your psyche as you suppress connections your mind makes unbidden. You’d heard nothing from Haru. The others never announced their departures. It was as if they’d…left…in the middle of the—

The sounds of struggle pulled you from your thoughts. Manjiro had incapacitated Kazutora, locked his dominant arm out of use and gripping the taller man’s tresses to keep him steady. They were faced away from you and the copper scent in the air made you gag and choke on memories of Haru’s blood on your tongue that you weren’t ready to taste again.

Mikey let Kazutora buckle to his knees and lowered him down gently. Red hands plunged the knife through the left side of the gurgling man’s back. As Manjiro looked on from above, admiring his handiwork, he drove the knife to the hilt with a swift stomp.

You throat was constricted with need for air but your body forgot how to breathe. Instead, you heaved a sob and watched Manjiro’s head snap in your direction.

“Mikey,” you inhaled his name through an uneven breath as he stood above you, face neutral, eyes a void. “Mikey you s-said you didn’t want t-to hurt people…”

“Angel,” He kneeled in front of you. His voice was distant and dreamlike, quiet under the ringing in your ears. “You’re supposed to be in bed.”

“Mikey is he…”

“Shh,” He cooed, and scooped your trembling body up against his, stepping mostly over the body of his friend, but the crack of a bone under Mikey’s foot made you jump and cling tighter to the perpetrator for fear of being closer to the lifeless body. He carried you for what felt like ten minutes, all the while cooing sweet nothings, promises, and praises in your ear for being such a strong girl.

The stench of death in summer caught you by surprise. Even when you realized where he was taking you, you never could have dreamed death would overpower your senses like it did. He sat you down in front of the sallow, decomposing body of Haru. His jaw unhinged on the right side as it was when you last saw him, but now that cheek had been picked away, back to his ear and you were met with the inside of his mouth and swollen partial tongue.

“You lied to me.”

“And you lied for me.” He was on his knees behind you, mouth nipping at your neck.

“W-why?” Your body was unbelievably tense but you were unsettled far past tears by now. “Why did you hurt them?”

“I don’t hurt people, y/n, I bring the little piggies that can’t learn our lessons in this life to their next.” He pulled your chin up and began to suck a hickey over your jugular. “You’ll help me repent, won’t you?”

You swallowed and shook your head jerkily, at first before committing to denying him. You tried to pull away but he was faster. The snap of elastic was lost on you as he grabbed a painful fist full of your hair and yanked you head back to press the warm metal of Mikey’s pistol to your throat. “Y/n, I love you. I tried to get you to understand. You need this. We grow through the pain.”

Your scream his name was cut short as the bullet stole your voice in favor of grotesque grumbling as your hands flew to stop the blood uselessly. Mikey stepped around to face you and hold your face still, “Oh baby, you’re crying for me?” He put his forehead to yours. Your lungs were heavy with blood. “Thank you, my angel. I need some sympathy after shooting my love, you know?” He caught your gasping lips in a final kiss before raising the gun to his own temple.

Ye maybe i'll forego most of the tags but like yall knew this existed so here it is finished? but also pls talk to me about this one pls im begging this time for ppl to share thoughts @adviswhore @hanmasslvt @softbajis @rae-ryuuguji-sano @sano-obsessed @girl-by-the-lake

Masterlist

#tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers mikey x reader #tw: manipulation #tw: violence #tw: gaslighting #tw: toxic relationships #um #sano manjiro #idk what taags mikey ppl use #whatever i'll fix it later i guess #bloodpointroadcollab #mikey x reader #yandere mikey x reader #yandere tokyo revengers #mikey sano #pls yandere folks find this bc #so few ppl like the darker shit sksksks #craving validation sksks

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mouseynest · 10 months

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"pachew! pew pew!!!!"

a zilly zcreenzhot from iii, but i would like to talk about zomething a bit more perzonal

Just kind of rant-ish, but I feel like Cabby is REALLY misunderstood. She's one of the few characters in the show id thought people would really connect with/relate to, but most of what I see is slander or hate. I could see why people argue that she is a 'stalker' or 'creepy' but those are the same people who also really like fan. Fan and Cabby have some things in common that most people forget??? They both are deemed, 'smart', both know a lot about the contestants/the show, and were at one point hated by others because of it. Cabby was also in the right by trying to get Fan eliminated (he literally invaded her privacy and some people just ignore that????). Now, her teammates had some reason to vote for her. Expecting people to act just how they're written in file? Thinking you're friends with someone (test tube) when really they either don't like you or see you mutually? *cough* AUTISM *cough cough*.

(This next bit is kinda vent-ish so if you feel uncomfy reading that kind of stuff, you should prob click off now!!!)

Cabby has a problem that I and others face, that being unable to truly understand the closeness of friends. This is really brought up in her relationship with test tube, her looking up to her and really wanting to be her friend/ally, and test tube only seeing her as an enemy, or rarely, just a teammate. In episode ten when Cabby rejoins, She is very surprised at the others on the island cheering for her after winning. She obviously didn't realize they viewed her this way.

It's hard learning that your idol, your 'best friend', your role model only sees you as a friend, an acquaintance, a nobody, or even an enemy. It leaves this void, a hole, and you feel betrayed, stabbed in the back, and you're just mad at yourself that you didn't realize it. Usually, you feel this way until you find 'them' and your whole world revolves around them, and the cycle repeats. The best feeling in it is the little attention, the conversations even with said person.

Not trying to put the blame on anyone, so I'm not gonna say who, but recently I had a conversation with one of my idols, and I really see them as a friend!! I wanna support them as a friend!!! I wanna make gifts, show my admiration, and joke with them!!! but whenever I realize that they have other friends, or that they barely know me, I feel crushed!!! I feel that void, the hole in my chest from before. It aches, realizing that I have/had no chance of being friends with such a cool person!!

(this feels like im getting a fking BOULDER off my back just by saying this)

(it also felt really hard to write this because i was CONSTANTLY rephrasing everything, hoping it never sounded too complicated or obvious. There's also just lines here im just plainly confused with, but whats the point of caring about that now if no one's gonna see this [probably] )

( gh)

(Photo by @mentallystrider on Pinterest!!)

#rant #vent post #cabby #cabby ii #cabby is so silly :3!!!!#autism coded #kinnie moment #inanimate insani #osc #iii #big ranty hehe #exploding #neurodiversity

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toonfinch · 2 months

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this is all i will be saying about the matter because this is stupid as fuck. its a bit long but its mostly for me, not for others to read. but feel free to.

i deleted my post on r/badroommates because i got sick of arguing with idiots online and havent responded to anything because reddit temp banned me for calling myself slurs im allowed to say lmao. im gay and trans. this will go on reddit when i am unbanned. for now it stays here.

i am paying rent, i owe my roommate, u/azzyisjazzy zero dollars. he did cover two months for me because i lost my job and struggled to find a new one, then when i did it lasted like a month because the temp agency ran out of work for me to do. he knows this btw hes just a liar. he heard the phone call because it was on speaker. but i paid him back completely and have paid our most recent bills with zero issue. i am literally at work while writing this. i am on track to make rent just fine. when i said i have $10 its because i had to buy warm weather clothes because i have none. its been hot.

the way he describes my suicidal ideation is making everyone think i do this repeatedly, i did it once. on my tumblr blog, i was not thinking about how it may hurt people, when azzyisjazzy and his friend, u/dizzy_elk_6491 and my friend all had a conversation about it, nobody acted concerned, azzyisjazzy only told me that if i were to actually hurt myself and he never reported it he may lose his job. he was never concerned about me lol. either way, i realized that watching people be suicidal is stressful and i also didnt want to be forcibly hospitalized so i nuked my blog so i can vent safely. i am not suicidal at all and havent been for a while, by the way. interestingly, current roommates friend dizzy_elk_6491 has threatened suicide when things didnt go his way before. he threatened suicide when my friend wanted to break up with him. later my friend found out that dizzy_elk_6491 had been lying about his boundaries in order to keep my friend in a relationship. he did not ignore boundaries whatsoever, there were none said. also, they were literally stupid teenagers.

azzyisjazzy was cool with sharing groceries until suddenly he wasnt, i did not have enough money at the time to also buy the same amount of things he was. we literally went shopping together several times and he told me to pick things out so obviously i thought it was fine? he just sucks at telling people when hes bothered. if he didnt suddenly lock the fridge just as i got a decent job (i was saving up money to pay him back for everything, i still could not afford a substantial amount of groceries) then id have replaced everything i ate. which was like....eggs and milk and coffee. i was mostly eating my own food lol. he ruined all the food i had in the fridge at the time which probably comes out to the amount i owe him for what i ate so ill call that fair.

i do not have bipolar disorder, i do not know where anyone involved got this information. i was on lithium, but it made me worse. gave me worse anxiety and made my eyeballs twitch. not exactly a medication that works. i tried several medications that did not work. i was also accused several times by past roommate, u/finchsexroomate and their friends that i have borderline personality disorder. i thought i might but several doctors told me otherwise. so far the only mental issues im pretty sure i have is major depressive disorder, autism, anxiety, and ocd.

intensive outpatient therapy also did not work, i was having panic attacks every morning because it was not the type of therapy i require.

currently working on getting insurance so i can get trazodone, which works. because i am diagnosed for major depressive disorder. the doctors asked me the pointed questions clearly about bipolar disorder but i dont have manic and depressive episodes. on the other hand, azzyisjazzy has said he is manic. maybe he meant it in a quirky way, but whatever.

i...didnt get mad at azzyisjazzy and his friends for not learning sign language? i dont know asl. i brought it up once or twice as a "wouldnt it be cool if we all learned together" situation, because im deaf and my hearing gets worse monthly. the only sign i was aware anyone knew was when azzyisjazzy and dizzy_elk_6491 said something that contained the words "eat orange" at each other over and over. that doesnt exactly indicate to me they are at a conversational level. either way, i was not "expecting them to communicate in a language i do not speak" lol.

i never threatened a damn thing about the dog. i said she was stressing me out so bad she was triggering my ocd. ocd can cause intrusive violent thoughts. they are not desires, they are based on things you DONT want to do. they are INTRUSIVE. i felt unsafe because the thoughts were so distressing and i could not banish them from my brain. the fact that azzyisjazzy is graduating from nursing school and doesnt understand this is concerning. i thought i biked over a snake this morning and started crying before i saw it move. i threw it in someones yard so it wouldnt get run over. i don't even like hurting bugs. i got mad at azzyisjazzy for making jokes about killing crickets in the house. maybe i am sensitive, sure, judge me how you please. but that doesnt exactly indicate an animal abuser does it?

also, me being a furry and objectumsexual (attraction to objects) has literally nothing to do with anything. its funny, because my azzyisjazzy has told me he pretends to be a dog during sex multiple times. also, he is a furry. or at least was. his fursona is/was a deer. not judging, obviously, its just hypocritical. is it weird? YES. is it harmful? NO. on top of this, azzyisjazzy had me walk the dog a few times after i had said those things. clearly he was not very concerned then. im sure he knows better and is just making shit up to hurt me.

now i don't remember much about my previous living situation with finchsexroomate because i was traumatized and the order of events and details are all mixed up and blurry. i moved in because i was in a motel with my drunk father and (thankfully normal) brother for two years. i was being paid to take care of them, but i wasnt equipped to do so because of my mental health issues. that were being exacerbated by finchsexroomate's reactions to my tone of voice...or something? they would react in ways that freaked me out like getting an attitude or yelling at me. i didnt react well to this which was entirely my fault, causing arguments. this happened a lot. idk why its so hard for anyone involved to understand that we simply did not mesh well together. azzyisjazzy and finchsexroomate have very similar communication styles, or lackthereof. it makes sense why i dont get along with both of them. they suck at communicating boundaries.

it took finchsexroomate months to tell me my tone of voice was upsetting them. they also think i was frequently stewing in anger next to them to hurt them when maybe i was a little annoyed at something and not putting in a ton of effort to look cheery while like...watching tv. or something. every time there was an incident like this, me moving elsewhere was brought up. i was living in a motel for two years before this. you have to be literally stupid to think its easy to find anywhere to live in this economy. obviously did not react well to this and yes it triggered suicidal episodes. but im not unstable if my housing and food and such else is taken care of. now that i have a stable job and can afford everything i need i am perfectly fine. just a bit stressed.

for some reason finchsexroomate thinks i was in love with them and trying to drive a wedge between them and their husband? lol? i said their husband was hot like twice. hes a hairy bear? come on now. theyre just being freaks because im polyamorous. if i had a crush on either of them theyd know, because that is something i hate keeping inside even if i know telling someone will go nowhere.

our living together ended when one night we were watching tv and somehow the topic of my date the next day came up, and finchsexroomate reminded me that our other roommates who would normally take over care when i am gone would also be leaving, so i didnt want to leave them in the house alone or worry about what time i had to be home since i would not be the one driving. i announced id reschedule my date and this upset finchsexroomate so bad that they started yelling at me. i only remember the part where they started yelling fuck you over and over again after i was like dude. its like fucking midnight. we can deal with this tomorrow. their reaction freaked me the fuck out and i did what everyones demonizing me for.....taking the torch we smoked dabs with and brushing it on my wrist for less than half a second, turning it off, and putting it on the table. and then sitting there. finchsexroomate was more at risk of burning the house down than me because i saw them drop the torch while it was still spewing flames twice, and they told me it happened once while i was not there. lol. was my reaction smart? no. did i "try to burn the house down with people inside"? no.

last thing about them, after they kicked me out and gave me zero chance to grab any of my belongings forcing me to pay an exorbitant amount of money for shipping that i could not afford, i said fuck it. they dont deserve my money after all of this. its not like i could just fucking drop almost $800 on it. later when the hurt started to go away i decided id put aside money and then give it all back when ive collected enough, but um. not doing that now lmao.

between then and now i was living with people my dad knew. one of them regularly assumed everything in the house was my fault such as leaving hard water spots on dishes and several times the freezer door was left open (not by me) so he tried attacking me about it and had to be held back by two people. this happened twice. i was also threatened by one of the residents because he was abusive to his girlfriend and i almost pepper sprayed him about it. it got to the point where i had to get a motel room a second time to avoid being hurt. and of course after this is when azzyisjazzy and i started talking.

anyway back to the present. azzyisjazzy thinks i was...listening to him and his bf my first night here just bc i was quiet? i thought they knew i was here lol. i literally cannot eavesdrop. i can hear loud talking and music and dog barking and dog nails on hardwood in my room. sometimes i can hear noises but that doesnt mean i understand what the noises are. at this point im convinced everyone thinks im faking my deafness. do i need to show everyone how scarred my ear drum is? that also has a hole in it?

and i guess this all got worse because i chose to stop being very close friends with all of azzyisjazzys friends. they were a lot of energy. i avoided them a lot because my idea of a good time is being quiet and doing a task together or watching tv or going to the park to look at critters and plants or something. i still tried, i was an audience to their musicals in the kitchen. and hung out when i was able to handle their energy, which was rare. azzyisjazzy thinks i was avoiding his show because i hated him when in reality i was busy with things i felt were more important such as my friend's mental health. azzyisjazzy even told me it was fine and that he understood. i also felt that none of them liked me very much anyway, so i just kind of stopped trying. i know one of them hated me because i got mad at him for making kill all furries jokes in the discord server we were in, and several times after that he would criticize my friends and i for stupid bullshit like putting in the announcements channel to not put chunks of food in the sink that does not have a garbage disposal in it.

the reason there are horses all over my walls is because azzyisjazzy heard gunshots and we were discussing whether or not we should call the cops in the discord server. my friend and i said no because theres no way to prove which direction it came from so on top of the cops not being able to do anything, we have black neighbors that might be questioned. furry hater guy said what does their race have to do with this and i dont remember what i said after it but he sent a horse emoji which is a reference to the meme of a horse standing at the sea with the caption "MAN" and i felt it inappropriate so i muted him for 10 minutes.

so the time my friend told someone to kill themselves? he had almost gotten hit by a car, and said "kill yourself for real" about the driver. furry hater guy got mad at this and said no suicide jokes. i misinterpreted it as another baseless criticism and told him to shut up. i was wrong for this and apologized, and later decided to just leave the server because i wasnt having fun in it anyway.

idk where to place these things in this giant block of text so theyre going at the end my friend and i used the dining room table to do crafts which is why azzyisjazzy bike locked the chairs. okay...ill just get my own i guess? he has threatened to put cameras up in the house which i am fairly certain is illegal because i do not consent and it would violate a reasonable expectation of privacy in the state of Missouri. also azzyisjazzy and i both agreed that nudity is not an issue, and when i am alone in the house sometimes i dont have a shirt on. i am a trans man, i have tits. that's inappropriate and once again im fairly certain that is illegal. missouri is a one party consent state so the only circumstance where recording me would be okay is if one of whoever is in the video or audio consents, such as if azzyisjazzy and i had a conversation. he could be the one to consent. but he doesn't say use his big boy words at me anymore so that wont happen. weve said a total of maybe 5 words to each other in the last month. i text him sometimes and he pretends not to see it but i know he does because he thinks me telling him his post got removed was bragging that i reported it. maybe my friends did? i dont control them. lmao.

hes also told my friends that me simply living here is an "escalation" and that if i continue to live here "things will get worse for me" those are threats. genuinely convinced that he knows a lot of what he is saying is made the fuck up or stretched truths just so "things will get worse"

btw, im not the one abusing the dog. she gets one walk a day and is barely played with because of how much azzyisjazzy works. all she does is sleep all day and bark out the window and piss on the couch and the floor and chew up shit azzyisjazzy leaves around the house, like a plastic tape dispenser. those plastic shards might be inside her stomach, by the way. that can and has killed dogs. many times.

i dont know what else to say. this is getting way too long. i certainly feel better after writing it though.

i may or may not respond to comments. i dont really feel like proving myself to a bunch of redditors, but considering these lies might follow me around for a while especially because finchsexroomate posted my FACE????? glad i look extremely different now (thanks hrt) and was wearing a mask lol. what sort of fucking insane behavior. i kind of wanted to post webcomics online, so i felt it necessary to do a bit of damage control. of course, all sides to this is mostly he said she said, so this only helps so much. but i said my truth, and ill stand by it. omission of details is because i forgot. this has been all over the last two years. my memory is shot because i got covid the first time i was in the motel and the repeated trauma hasnt helped. if someone brings up a good point i will respond to it.

anyway. ill move out when im able to. get the fuck over it.

good fucking lord.

im going to go do literally anything else more productive than this. get a new hobby. make a fursona and maybe youll feel better. fucking weirdos

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dr34myluv · 6 months

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TW vent

before you start reading i dont wanna hear pity if u even decide to read, i just need to blow off steam.

sometimes i feel like a butterfly, so fragile my wings can break, but instead of wings i have a heart and a brain, and i cant stop crying, i mean last year was way worse yk? life felt like it was ending i resorted to sh, im better now right? im clean, i have an amazing bf, i basically get everything i could ever ask for, so whats wrong?

i dont know what's exactly wrong with me, i feel fat, i hate the way i look, but that's how most teenage girls feel huh? its normal. just like its normal for a father to walk out, destroy his child's life with just a few words. bc that's normal and nothing is gonna change a man's mind.

"normal" im your normal girl, everyone is normal, right?

i grew up in a household where i wasn't considered normal, i was treated like i was sick, and wrong, by my father, if u dont agree with him then ur the wrong one not him, ur opinions don't matter to him. he still thinks that way, which is fine yk? being gay? pffft thats horrid, like "boyish" things (which really aren't i wanst even a tomboy growing up but wtv) guess what, THATS WRONG.

its not really like that has affected me much, just my parents arguing, and my mom commenting on my body.

my parents fought so much it was overwhelming, it was never ending, my dad would threaten to kill himself and storm out of the house, id be screaming and crying begging him not to do anything, i guess as a child that really does affect someone, he left so much like that it created worry, he was my hero, he IS my hero, as much as i hate to admit it, i love him more than i should.

due to my father, i think thats the reason im so attached to this boy (my bf) ik that sounds stupid but i have a reason for this.

lets call him N, and N was someone i met in school, he is the total opposite of me, has a tendency of being an asshole to people, so why might i like this guy? well he gave me the right amount of attention at the wrong time.

school was hard 2 years ago, id cry almost everyday, and ig i was an acquaintance with him, one day he noticed me crying, during break, i was alone, he came up to me, and hugged me, it wasn't expected but it was definitely needed, he didn't say anything, he didn't ask anything, he just hugged me, let me cry in his arms, i guess we slowly became friends after that. at the time i liked him a bit, didnt care that much atleast i thought.

i had no way of contact to him, it was just school, and during the summer i still liked him, it was a new year of school, and i didn't see him, i thought hey maybe he's around here somewhere doing who knows what, i asked some friends if they've seen him, they said no. and at one point i asked one of his friends, and he moved, she said, and i felt my heart sink down to my feet, i could feel like eyes water, i couldn't control it. and ik it's stupid, but he promised me he would never leave me without saying goodbye (in a friendly way)

i dont want to explain more. But to whomever decided to read, im sorry for not finishing it.

#vent post #vent #tw vent #personal vent #vent tag #venting #sad thoughts #sadgirl

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ihaventsleptinweekz · 6 months

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vent ish

I AM SO FRUSTRATED. Every week like fucking clockwork my mother and I argue about going to church because, shocker here, I don't LIKE going to church. I always feel so frustrated beyond words because she never listens to me! Ive made it clear to her multiple times that I dont feel COMFORTABLE going to churches. And every single time she says "not all christians are like that!!" as if she is not ONE OF THEM.

It doesnt matter how many times you tell me "Jesus will still love you if you sin" because YOU STILL THINK ITS A SIN!!! You think it shouldnt be around kids and its not normal and- here's the big one- YOU THINK ITS A SIN. Beyond that. You think IM a sin. My EXISTINCE is a sin in your eyes. Who I am is a sin and it doesnt matter how many fucking times you say "Jesus will love you anyways" because you still think my existence is a fucking sin!! I cant drill that into her thick fucking skull. And its like that EVERYWHERE. Going to churches are HELL because I dont know who its safe to be around!!! I dont pass like you think I do!! Im never sure who I can talk to or who I cant!! She doesnt understand even a little bit how utterly exhausting that is! And thats in addition to- oh yeah- I cant even hear about christianity stuff without it really upsetting me and I hate how she just never takes anything I say seriously!! AAAAAAAAAA

#insomniac ramblez #christanity tw #tw christianity #just felt like ranting sorry folks

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woofdrm · 11 months

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Asega I have Thoughts and you're the only one who I feel safe to express them to.

There's a post talking about George's sexuality again and I love it I agree with 99% of the points made and I understand the thought behind it but idk I'm just conflicted I guess because a part of me screams inside "yes he doesn't owe us anything" but there's another part of me scarred with real people shipping like "I can't invade his privacy I can't assume therefore im gonna go with what he he said before".

I feel like it's again another situation that's isn't just black or white. It's complicated. in my mind, both of those extreme mindsets are bad in their own ways. I want to support George's decision if he is queercoding himself, but I don't want to be cancelled over the fact that I said George is straight when my mum asked about it. I'm all for abolishing heteronormativity and the struggles of coming out but I also slaping a different label when he's clearly said he's straight (even with all the reasons why those instances would make the answer illegitimate) feels wrong.

all of this is stupid and doesn't ultimately matter. George can do whatever he wants and i'll love him regardless. This convo being brought up again is just making me upset, sorry for the vent.

Here’s the thing that I’ve always thought with the whole “George’s sexuality” shit show that I unwittingly became a voice in. I don’t care what sort of things you’re saying about his sexuality, what sort of assumptions and stereotypes and “clues” you’re picking up on, as long as you keep that stuff off… twitter, mostly, but basically anywhere that is easily accessible. I don’t think these kids who grew up on tik tok understand that being outwardly queer is still fucking dangerous, and George is an immigrant living in fucking Florida.

Now that my blog probably isn’t being stalked by the 404ers who want to string me up by my toes I can say this: I do, in fact, think George is queer. But the fact of the matter is, he has only publicly stated that he is straight, and so until he does something of actual substance to counter that (and no, laughing at being called a twink and not vehemently denying that he’s gay in a disstrack made about him by a friend doesn’t count) no one should be running around on twitter dot com getting thousands of likes on a tweet about how he’s totally gay and people are homophobic for thinking otherwise (this was ironically the tweet that I responded to that got me in such trouble in the first place).

And as you said, it’s still a complicated topic, because the line between using homophobic stereotypes to assume someone’s sexuality and just… being For Fucking Real can be blurry. Additionally, I will argue against the idea of a real person being “queer coded”, as that feels rather dehumanizing considering queer coding is generally for characters within media, not real people. Also, we as people looking in cannot begin to guess what sort of “queer coded” actions are intentional, and which are not. And it is not our job to do so. Doing that is fucking weird.

And unfortunately, that is the thing that is so common in this fandom, especially towards George. Which yeah, I do think is based on homophobic stereotypes and fetishization, I won’t lie. And it pisses me off quite a bit, to the point where 404twt now knows me as “the girl who is super passionate about George being straight” because of how I was dragging them over the coals about it. Despite the fact that, as I said… I don’t think George is straight lmao.

Anyway, the whole thing is a bit of a mess, so I think people just… shouldn’t really talk about George’s sexuality? If it’s relevant, a simple “he’s only ever said that he’s straight” is fine. I think gay truthing him on main is weird. I think a lot of what people do looks like they’re trying to drag someone out of the closet, when doing so could put their safety in jeopardy.

Anyway, if you want to link the actual post then I can respond a bit more specifically, but that’s my overall thoughts about the whole topic. Sorry to ramble right back at you hahaha.

#offerings #discourse

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skadren · 1 year

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I keep seeing a bunch of live and let go, boundaries are personal and not moral stances posts about writing and i largely agree ppl should be able to explore what they want in fic but also. Is there a way to balance or talk about "hi um white author so you kinda reinvented racism/blood eugenics and unilaterally present sex work as inherently degrading and etc etc etc for Shipping Angst Drama fodder, when the text is like. None of that" in fandom or even just in like. A server community. Maybe I'm a bit sensitive bc i feel constructed/projected misery is kind of tacky to begin with and i wouldn't do it with a complete stranger but idk my guy. I don't want to alienate myself but it's weird to go completely uncritical here

i think there are a couple items you need to check off the list before you can go "yes talking to internet stranger #37461239 about a highly sensitive topic is a good idea"

is it tagged appropriately? if it's tagged trust me the writer knows. they have probably gotten way more unsolicited feedback than they would really like

is the portrayal you're concerned about reinforcing an unhealthy or discriminatory predominant social narrative? if it is and you think the writer is genuinely unaware, then yeah, it might be worth bringing up. the emphasis here is on predominant please i am begging on my hands and knees

will this result in a productive conversation? if the intent behind this is to get people to reconsider, it isn't helping anyone if you know it will just lead to them doubling down and doing it even worse. at that point you're only making a performative statement to validate your own stance

if it really is bothering you that much, is there a compelling reason why you can't just block and move on? it isn't your responsibility nor is it feasible to fix how a fandom is doing things, especially if it's a group of people you don't really know. your own mental health always comes first, and a bit of salty venting in private with your friends never hurts anyone

if it IS a friend or acquaintance who is doing this and you think they would be open to discussing it with nuance, then you can probably bring it up. if that person has a basic level of consideration and respect for you it tends to go well, but i've also seen people double down because they already know there's something wrong with their attitudes but get mad at you for wanting them to change, and then it creates a whole ton of drama and people get hurt and it's not pretty. so. ymmv

ultimately, someone's views on racism or sex work or whatever is reflective of a broader social norm, and fandom is not the best space to try to fix that through confrontation-- it's usually someone's "safe space" where they want to retreat from the world, not come face-to-face with any sort of personal reckonings. do i think it's a mark of privilege that some people have the luxury of ignoring these issues when they "just want to have fun"? yes, but again, this is about being able to have productive discussion, not about what's "fair". unfortunately.

my two cents: if you're in a server community or some other space that makes you uncomfortable there's really nothing wrong with going "hey, we have fundamentally different standards when it comes to [x], and i don't think i want to be here" and moving on. the best way to challenge these things is quite literally to make your own food. there's a much better chance of the people you're worried about coming across it and realizing they like it than magically being able to argue them down with well-placed logic and reasonable points or whatever

EDIT: OH ALSO IM STUPID if you mean talking about it in general. not naming writer names but trends in the fandom. yes absolutely-- not in a public space like social media but definitely find a group of people who you trust who you can talk about these things with!! it is good and healthy. just make sure it isn't just a discord server open to the public or smth tho so you personally know and trust everyone who can see it (and you don't accidentally shit talk someone who is in that space lmao)

#skadren rambles #long post #tldr; fandom is allowed to be your safe space too and you dont need to cater to anyone. or fix them. or whatever #it's less that 'people writing these things is okay' and more #starting drama is never a good look and it shits on your mental health and the internet is not a good place for nuanced discussions anyways #if you're planning to take on a whole community you will NOT be able to win i promise

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