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bandhyukoh · 3 years

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[Secret Magazine] Yaeji and Oh Hyuk Embrace the Passage of Time

Disclaimer: This interview belongs to Secret Magazine. Find the original source (part 1) here. Part 2 posted by hyukoh updates. Interview by Jeff Ihaza, Fall 2021.

After a meteoric rise within indie and dance music circles, the musician Yaeji found herself within a whirlwind of success. Just before the pandemic hit, she released her debut mixtape What We Drew on XL records. It was poised to send the singer, DJ, and producer on a world tour, soidifying her as one of the biggest new acts around. Then, of course, everything came to a screeching halt. For Yaeji, born Kathy Lee in Queens, New York, it might have been a blessing in disguise. “I needed to pause. I think if I did go on a tour that year, it might’ve depleted my energy and my soul,” she tells me over Zoom. “I came out of this, understanding myself so much better. Which can only help with my music because it is about what I understand. So in a way, I am just grateful.”

Now, after what by today’s standards might seem like a long hiatus, she’s ready to emerge with a distinctly new sound. She recently connected with friend and fellow musician Oh Hyuk for a pair of tracks that feel as liberated as the musician describes herself as these days. “29” and “Year to Year” confront the passage of time with delicate care and confidence. In conversation, the two artists describe making music with intention, and rejecting society’s obsession with youth.

So, talk a little about how you both met and how the collaboration started.

Yaeji: We have a bunch of mutual friends in Korea and, I think for me it was mainly through Dawn and Dasom, who I’ve known for a bit. When Dasom introduced us, I was already familiar with Hyuk’s music. We got to hang out a few times throughout a couple of years before we got into music.

Hyuk: Yeah, that’s how we met.

Were you always thinking about making music together, or did that happen separately from you guys being friends?

Hyuk: It was more out of coincidence. We weren’t planning anything, but after we met a couple of times, it just came out naturally.

What made you feel like it was a good creative match?

Yaeji: I think for me because I’ve always been super particular about who I collaborate with. Honestly, this is the first time I’ve ever collaborated with someone in this way, where it’s from start to finish and the boundaries are blurred of who’s producing, who’s writing, and all of that. I think trust and faith came first for me, just from speaking with Hyuk and getting to know him and knowing that we have all these mutual friends that I love and trust. For me, I felt like we had a lot of similarities as people, and in the way,, we grew up, and things like that. So then the music came more naturally after that.

What was the songwriting process for the two songs?

Yaeji: For “Year To Year,” which came first, I had initially written the demo two years ago, and I played it for Hyuk when I first went over to his place with Dasom. He was like, “It’s cool.” Then I think it was a year or so later that we started writing stuff together. When we got together in person we were like, “should we revisit this?”

For “29,” I specifically wanted to sing about the push and pull of time, and the different ways time feels depending on whether I’m in Korea or America. Then when we were finishing it together, Hyuk wrote the other half of the lyrics, which then became the intro to the track.

Hyuk: For the intro, it was also about time. The importance of age 29 is very prevalent in Korea. So, I thought it would be interesting to focus on that. 29 marks the end of your 20s, it’s like an end of a decade, but it’s also the start of another decade. So that’s what the lyrics also talk about.

Both of you are younger than 29, right?

Yaeji: We’re both 28. Actually, Hyuk turns 28 on his birthday in October. But in Korea, the age system is different. Everyone turns a year older on January 1st and you’re already one when you’re born. So I was always older in Korea by a year or two. I think there are overlapping things between different cultures, like the significance of your 20s, and what it means to enter your 30s, and all these milestones the world tells you to meet before you enter your 30s. So I think it’s just about sitting between all of these thoughts.

Especially since you travel between Korea and the U.S., can you talk about navigating that different sense of time? Do you feel like you have to act more mature in one place over the other?

Yaeji: Not only that, I feel like my family is there, which means I have to click into a slightly different mode. I become a slightly different person when I travel back to Korea. I end up having different dreams. When I talk about these thoughts that I have in the States to my friends in Korea, that’s actually when I feel most liberated and it gives me a new perspective. That’s a big part of why I feel so good right now, and why I’ve been feeling positive about all my shows, and everything going for us. I think it comes from this really special perspective I got from being in Korea more often.

When you guys were writing these songs, were you thinking about coming to peace with aging, coming to peace with leaving your 20s?

Yaeji: Yeah. I think something Hyuk mentioned earlier is that this song is also about diving into our 30s, and with open arms. Receiving our 30s, and looking forward to what’s to come. For me, I wanted it to be a way I can redefine it and own it, and feel comfortable in it. This is a way we’re documenting that uneasy tension of that exact transition that happens. I feel like you hear it in “Year To Year.” Even if you don’t know the lyrics, sonically, I think it feels emotional, but in a happy tears way. With “29,” there’s a back and forth tension happening where it’s really hard and dark, but then it opens up and it’s super joyful. So that’s how it feels.

“29″ is interesting too, because the refrain of, “I got to go, I got to go” is pretty big there. Where did that come from?

Yaeji: Yeah, the lyrics to that came together in 10 minutes. I don’t know. Hyuk made that demo first on his iPad and then we were bumping it, and I immediately was like, “Oh, I know what I want to say.” I don’t know, that’s how it happened, but I guess personally it’s been something I’ve wanted to express because when I wrote those lyrics, I didn’t hold back. I think usually both he and I tend to write more abstract lyrics, more metaphors. But with this one, when I heard the demo, it was mostly percussive. I just felt like there should be no filter on this. I wanted to speak about all the bullshit we had to experience and how I deal with the bullshit, how I’ve learned to move on from it as I grew older. I think as I repeat, “I got to go,” the meaning changes because the first time it’s like, “I got to get the hell out of here.” But then the second half it feels like we’re all going somewhere together, and it’s not as much like running away.

So, you wrote the lyrics, Hyuk?

Hyuk: Yeah. The lyrics for “29” came from childhood. What’s funny is I have a slightly different perception of the meaning of, “I got to go.” For the first half, it’s like, “I got to get the hell out of here,” but for the second half I thought of it as more sarcastic. So all of the melodies and the beats were focused on the sarcastic meaning.

Yaeji: Which I love, I didn’t know this until now. Because there were no guitars or anything when we did the vocals. Then there was another session, and I was showing Hyuk music I was listening to, and there’s this YouTube algorithm hole of Samba drum and bass, Bossanova drum and bass and he was into it, he was like this is what I was thinking of with the demo and then laid down all the guitars. So I didn’t know it was him thinking, “Oh, this is sarcastic.”

Hyuk: It was like a tease.

This is sonically a pretty big departure from the clubby sounds you're known for.

Yaeji: Right before the pandemic hit, I bought my first guitar and it was just an impulse thing. I was thinking about how my dad was in cover bands, playing guitar. So I was just like, I never learned it, but I was just playing with it. Then, serendipitously, the year after, Hyuk and I started making music together. The way he plays the guitar is really different from how I feel like people normally play. There were sounds he was making that made the guitar feel like a totally different instrument, it's more plucky at times and he has crazy pedals. So when we run them through, it just when sounds completely different. Then for me, since I had never mixed guitar before, and I do a lot of mixing in my music, that was really fun. Because it's a completely different palette, completely different frequencies. That got me super excited about it. But obviously, in the subconscious, there is a lot of rock and indie rock music I did listen to growing up. So maybe there's a bit of that as well that I'm reaching back into. But that wasn't as conscious for me.

Hyuk, talk about your approach to playing the guitar.

Hyuk: I first started the guitar because, of all the instruments that I had my hands on, the guitar was the one that I could play the best. That was my first approach to the guitar. For this project, I was familiar with Yaeji's music, even before we started this project, so I tried to match my guitar sounds with Yaeji's music as much as possible. Because normally my guitar sounds would be more on the analog side, and a little bit warm. But for this project, I tried to change the guitar to a more digital style so that it would be a match for Yaeji's music overall.

What drew you to one another's sound?

Yaeji: I think I first discovered, or not first, but definitely, it played a lot because my dad is a huge fan of Hyuk. So either I listened to it in the car or at home, and then I started listening to it separately. I wasn't listening to anything like it because mostly I'm digging for dance music or listening to electronic music. But there's something, I don't know, Hyuk's music changed a lot. So the music that I first heard back then were the biggest hits, it goes straight to your heart, and his voice is unique. I thought the songwriting was beautiful. I had the feeling that he's probably listening to all kinds of stuff, not just band music or rock music, and then it turned out to be true.

Hyuk: When I first heard Yaeji's music, it was very minimal and dynamic. I don't know how to express this, but in Korea, we say that the music has a headline, that's an attention grabber, something that grabs your attention, and pinpoints right into your ear. Yaeji's music has that.

Yaeji: Also, something interesting I've realized with our voices is that when I'm mixing it, I usually have to trim certain frequencies in my voice because of just my mouth shape and how I sing. With Hyuk's vocals, I do the same treatment, I just copy-paste my EQ on there. So I thought that was special and interesting, and possibly why our voices worked well together.

It's so interesting that your dad was a fan. When you guys were recording together, did he come?

Yaeji: He didn't know if that would be weird for Hyuk, right? I think he's a shy guy. But he did come, I didn't tell you this, Hyuk, but he came when you were in the studio.

Hyuk: Oh really?

Yaeji: You left your pedals and stuff there, and he was like, "Is this Hyuk's?" And he's like, "You think I can touch it?" and I'm like "I mean, I'm sure that's fine." But yeah, he was geeked out about it but he didn't share that with any of us, he held it in.

Is it hard to navigate the creative process when there's the element of fame in the air?

Hyuk: Before I started working with Yaeji, I did most of my work in a studio. But for this project, it was a time to visit the home-recording style that I worked in before I was in a studio. So that was pretty fun because working DIY matches the sound that I usually want.

Yaeji: When you started, you were just working on your laptop in a dorm room.

Hyuk: Yeah.

Yaeji: So you're familiar with this, but you're revisiting it for the first time in a while, right?

Hyuk: Yeah.

Yaeji: I think both of us were saying that we were finding this process of writing not as inspiring or enjoyable right before we working together. Then through the process, for me, it brought a lot of joy and excitement back.

Did you learn anything working with Hyuk and seeing someone else navigate a large following?

Yaeji: I guess, when I'm with Hyuk, it just feels like I'm with a homie and I truly forget how famous he is. It's only when we're walking around and then I'm like, "Oh yeah, we should be low key right now." Because people might take pictures, then I'm like, “Oh yeah, I forget.' So yeah. But in our music careers, when I'm thinking about that, I feel like actually when he's touring Europe or the States, we've played at a lot of the same places. So we're received in a similar way out in the West. This was the first time I became friends with a musician that I truly feel like a peer, like an eye-to-eye level. So that was a big part of why this collaboration and friendship was important for me.

Your debut mixtape came out right as the pandemic kicked off. What was it like? What was that transition like for you?

Yaeji: Rough. But we were talking with the label the whole time, because this was my first release on XL. They were like, "Should we just release it?" Because we had set the date. I said, "Lets just release it because this is music I wrote in solitude in my room or at the studio alone. This was me recording my everyday. Right now we're about to be in our rooms alone, spending every day, so I just want to be honest with it." Then there was this long pause, right? Not much happened, and we had a tour for this mixtape that got canceled. So I think the tricky part was that I didn’t know what everyone was thinking about it. I didn't get any reactions, I wasn't able to sing with everyone. But at the same time on a personal level, I needed to pause. I think if I did go on a tour that year, that might've depleted my energy and my soul. A lot of interpersonal things happened that year, but I needed that. I came out of this, understanding myself so much better. Which can only help with my music because it is about what I understand. So in a way, I am just grateful too.

Obviously in the US, K-pop is very much the main conversation. What do you feel like the expectations are from you guys when you tour the West or share music with the West?

Yaeji: Hyuk, do you want to go?

Hyuk: First of all, it's a fact now that K-pop is popular around the world. But in Korea, there are also a lot of other types of music, and genres, but due to the market size, the volume of the market is relatively small. So there aren't many chances for those other genres of music to go outside into the world. It's like the example in Japan, people call Japanese music and genres J-pop as a whole. So that's how the Korean music scene is referred to, just K-pop as a whole. But there are also a lot of genres and good music that would work in the global market, but there are limited chances. So those types of music don't have a chance to meet the global audience yet.

Yaeji on your end, it's almost like you get to occupy both and show something different.

Yaeji: Yeah. It's interesting also who decides to categorize me as K-pop and then who doesn't. It's interesting also looking at my related artists on Spotify, for example, how there are mostly Korean fans. But to the West, it's West-centric, so when they hear music from the East, like say Korea, then it's just easy to be like, "Okay, this is all one thing.' I think, yeah, there's a bit of frustration that comes with it and I mean, Hyuk and I have a lot of thoughts on K-pop. Something that he was talking about was new knowledge for me, how K-pop's precursor was J-pop and how a similar thing had happened to that genre years before.

In a lot of the earlier press you got, there was a big push to put you in that box of Korean musicians. How do you see that now with some distance?

Yaeji: Yeah. Well, I guess I have my fair share of frustrations with how ... I mean it's tricky because as musicians we put music out and we have our whole experience with it. But then the people that translate it to listeners are writers and writers often have to categorize music so that listeners can understand it easily or are spoonfed it. I think in the beginning I had to be categorized to go through that whole process. I mean, being called a Korean musician was one thing. But then also being limited to house music producer or at times rapper for some reason was confusing to me. I think it was a learning process for me to understand that this is how it is and that this is how the system is, so let me try to figure out ways around it. I think it's still a thought in progress, but it's interesting because it's like we made this, so ideally we tell our whole story about it. But attention spans are getting shorter, and algorithms are happening, and it's so hard to make my life experience succinct for somebody, but I know it has to happen too.

What are you guys looking forward to in terms of people receiving this music?

Yaeji: Well, we're interested in what the reaction will be here versus in Korea. We were talking about how "Year To Year" has more like Korean lyrics, that's the most obvious difference.

There was a lot of conversation about the fact that you sing in Korean and English. Is that something you still think about?

Yaeji: I think the reason why I switch back and forth is completely different now because in my early interviews, I say how in college I made music in Korean because most of my friends couldn't understand it. So that was a way for me to just sing about what I wanted to, and it's because I was shy about what I wanted to think about. Now, I think I switch between them freely. I'm not more self-conscious, it's just that some things I can say through the Korean language, and there's no other way to say it and vice versa... Hyuk, you sing in English a lot as well, no? I was always curious why.

Hyuk: I didn't write English lyrics to make a global debut or anything. But when making music, some lyrics just come to my mouth that just feel right. This also goes for tracks as well, for certain tracks, the diction and the accent in the Chinese language would feel right, and in other tracks, the smooth flow of the English language would feel right. So there's not a specific reason, but when making music and making tracks, there are some certain language lyrics that feel right for the track and music. Sometimes when I write lyrics in Korean, I feel somewhat bare and a little bit more pressure when I write in I Korean. Sometimes English is also more comfortable when writing lyrics.

What's something both of you learned from the other person while recording together?

Yaeji: Something I've been processing since I came back here is how my outlook on everything has changed. But mainly for my work in music and specifically right now for touring and I realized this because when I was there and not even when we were just making music, like when we were doing the photoshoot or the music video shoot, I saw Hyuk. I looked around and I saw all friends, and it made me realize for the first time that all of these people have come together and are losing sleep and giving their all because they believe in us, and they want us to be able to put our music out in the world with the exact intention that we wanted. It served as a mirror to me and what I have here. Then in the most simple sense, I just became grounded and grateful. So yeah. I don't know how else to put it, honestly. My outlook on everything is so much more optimistic and I'm just so down now, like yeah. It's for playing these festivals, normally I'd be so sad and stressed out and anxious, and I felt so happy and excited. Some things like that to me, I just, every decision I make with Yaeji now, I think Hyuk was able to give me a new perspective on it.

What about you, Hyuk?

Hyuk: Well, first of all, the way Yaeji was very calm and relaxed, that's something I learned from her. Music-wise, the detailed bar-to-bar production approach that Yaeji had was very refreshing and new to me. So I'm really into that production approach these days. Also I became more interested in dance music. So these days I'm trying to work on new dance tracks. So that's also an interesting thing that I learned too.

Kathy, are you going to take him to a rave?

Yaeji: Oh, yeah, for sure. When he comes to Brooklyn, we'll go to a warehouse, 24-hour rave, no sleep.

Hyuk: Sure.

Yaeji: This was like confessions. Because we never tell this to each other, Jeff. You're mediating us, just being honest with each other.

#hyukoh #oh hyuk #ohhyuk #hyuk #yaeji #t: interview #secret magazine

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hellreads · 3 years

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Hello, I just stumble on your blog. Seeing a comment from Wrienne which I also read on AO3, I wanted to ask if you also have AO3 recs..?

hi there darling, of course, I have some recs for you! since you didn’t ask for anything specific let me just share a few faves that you could only read/access on ao3 (I would also recommend you check my ficshelfs and use the ao3 filter to find stories exclusively posted there + i’ll still include wrienne’s works for other readers :3 ) | 🍒

OT7/MULTIPLE MEMBERS

❥ Right of Way by fringesofsanity ➴ Infidelity!AU | Jungkook x Reader x Jimin | Series ➴ In theory, things were simple: your best friend was Jungkook’s girlfriend while your boyfriend, Jimin, was Jungkook’s best friend. In reality, things weren’t always that simple. And mutually exclusive.

❥ The Hills by minlouvre ➴ Vacation/Exes!AU | Yoongi x Reader x Hoseok | Series ➴ A ski trip with old friends sounds like a fun time, right?

when your ex-boyfriend (who you hate but somehow always end up in bed with) and your stepbrother (who you are harboring not-so-secret feelings for) tag along at the last minute, you have a feeling it won’t be an uneventful weekend.

but fun? debatable. that remains to be seen. ❥ A Hundred Percent Human by Wrienne ➴ Hybrid!AU | OT7 x Reader | Series ➴ In which you (reader) are forced to take care of seven hybrids in a twist of fate.

After your estranged mother passes away, you're left with an unwanted will and the heavy burden of responsibility. Although you're desperate not to stray from the familiar path you thought was laid out in front of you with a fully human boyfriend who loves you more than anything, your life is thrown upside down once more after another unfortunate incident (that may or may not have to do with said boyfriend) occurs.

Drunk and down on life, you finally decide to deal with the house and the unsavory business your mother left behind. However, to your shock, you find that seven very different hybrids are included with both the house - and the business. Seven hybrids you never even met before - even less agreed to take care of.

❥ Dead Leaves by Wrienne ➴ Detective/Exes!AU | Yoongi x Reader x Jimin | Series ➴ In which you (reader) are a homicide detective about to face the biggest hurdle both of your career and life.

Married to probably the kindest but most boring man you’ve ever met and living in a town where nothing ever seems to happen means life for you is dull. Dull enough to drive you crazy with boredom and dissatisfaction. However, life changes abruptly when your old boss retires and a new man takes his place - a man you used to love (and sleep very regularly with) more than a decade ago. Especially when your husband comes home smelling of perfume, you’re unable to resist your more carnal urges and dead women start showing up across the city with unnerving frequency. ❥ See Both Sides Like Chanel by minlouvre ➴ FWB/Rich Kids!AU | Namjoon x Reader x Hoseok | One-Shot ➴ You, Namjoon, and Hoseok are inseparable.

Three best friends that grew up together since you were all in diapers.But lately, Namjoon has been drifting away…

So on his birthday, you and Hoseok remind him just how inseparable the three of you really are.

⤷ or alternatively: a little less twenty-one candles, a little more “touch me”

❥ Love Is A Dog From Hell by yourlocalhoney ➴ FWB/Lovers!AU | Yoongi x Reader x Jungkook | Series ➴ You and Yoongi agreed on being good friends, co-workers, and friends who help each other out under the sheets. What you never agreed on was to catch feelings for each other.

Enter, accidental feelings.

Enter, Jeon Jungkook.

❥ The Uncanny by Sinsirella ➴ Arranged Marriage!AU | Jungkook x Reader x Seokjin x Jimin | Series ➴ (Y/N) is a young girl whose Life turns upside down. One day her mother surprises her with news of her arranged husband, forcing her into her new chaotic lifestyle. Join her journey and experience her new life through her eyes. Will she get along with her husband? Or someone else? What are they hiding? ❥ Seven Deadly Sins by mintedmango ➴ Hell!AU | OT7 x Reader | Series ➴ You stood suddenly, chair being pushed away by the backs of your legs, the rest of the sins standing with you as you looked around in panic. All except Sloth who was out cold in the corner.

“Oh, little pet, indeed, I am still hungry.”

❥ Walk Through The Fire by shellflower ➴ Supernatural!AU | Taehyung x Reader x Jungkook | Series ➴ In a world of supernatural beings, a normal human like yourself always found attraction and wonder towards these creatures. It was your kind heart that led you to become a doctor to treat such people. And it was your kind heart that led you into the arms of a young Alpha wolf who will accidentally force you down a path you were never meant to follow... ❥ Into Temptation by coconutty ➴ Demon!AU | Taehyung x Reader x Jungkook | Two-Shot ➴ It was just a dare...

❥ Won’t Be Nice by coconutty ➴ Lovers/Poly!AU | Taehyung x Reader x Hoseok | One-Shot ➴ A night by the pool just got interesting...

KIM NAMJOON

❥ Covenant by fringesofsanity ➴ Arranged Marriage!AU | Namjoon x Reader | Series ➴ You are betrothed to Kim Namjoon, the heir of a real estate mogul. To say that it was a fairytale romance would be erroneous. You’re instead loped in the sad tale of the rich and melancholy.

❥ Read You Like A Book by coconutty ➴ University!AU | Namjoon x Reader | One-Shot ➴ Come get an attitude adjustment in the library, courtesy of Namjoon.

KIM SEOKJIN

❥ Éffleurer by @sugaurora / sugalights ➴ Office!AU | Seokjin x Reader | Series ➴ There were always whispers in your office about what secrets Seokjin hid behind his clean image. Now, you knew at least one of them. ❥ The City Comes Alive by minlouvre ➴ Musician/S2L!AU | Seokjin x Reader | Series ➴ Seokjin is a street performer who falls for a girl who is always passing him by. ❥ Seaside Sabbatical by dark_muse_iris ➴ Working Man!AU | Seokjin x Reader | One-Shot ➴ After an accountant in your firm is sent to prison, you are assigned to clean up the mess he left behind. Sorting out your clients’ disastrous business records proves beneficial when you meet the fisherman who teaches you the value of taking a break. ❥ Cake by yeyeniejjung ➴ Yandere/Killer!AU | Seokjin x Reader | Series ➴ "I was always hungry for your love. Just once, I wanted to know what is was like to get my fill of it. I wanted to be fed so much love that I couldn't take it anymore, just once." ❥ The Lord Taketh Away by dark_muse_iris ➴ Medieval/Werewolf!AU | Seokjin x Reader | One-Shot ➴ Every autumn, the dwindling harvest summons fears for the impending winter and its promise of scarcity. For Seokjin and his wife, faith lies in God and their local lord’s generosity to provide what their ailing son needs to survive another year. With each season, however, the lord grows cold-hearted and greedy, squeezing the young family to the brink of despair.

MIN YOONGI

❥ Zelus by SugaAconcept ➴ Lovers/Sugar Daddy!AU | Yoongi x Reader | One-Shot ➴ Yoongi becomes jealous when your close friend Jungkook puts his hands all over you right infront of his face. So, Yoongi decides to make sure you know who you really belong to. ❥ Carpe Diem by fringesofsanity ➴ Idol/Lovers!AU | Yoongi x Reader | Series ➴ Working for the UN, you are tasked to handle the poverty reduction campaign of a certain boy band. A certain rapper from the group however decides to mix business with pleasure.

JUNG HOSEOK

❥ Feel You From The Inside by coconutty ➴ Idol/Staff!AU | Hoseok x Reader | One-Shot ➴ You've been watching him for months, little did you know, he's been watching you.

❥ As You Are by fringesofsanity ➴ Lovers!AU | Hoseok x Reader | One-Shot ➴ You're not the girl for Jung Hoseok. Him - who was sunshine and daisies and fireworks. You - who were back-alley darkness and used needles and burnt cigarettes. But he doesn't care. And you fucking hate yourself for it.

❥ The Thin Blue Line by bluesxde ➴ Pregnancy/E2L!AU | Hoseok x Reader | Series ➴ One badly-judged fling with Jung Hoseok, the son of a company-rival, leaves you with a little surprise.

PARK JIMIN

❥ His Throne by hseoks ➴ Royalty!AU | Jimin x Reader | Series ➴ You, a maid for the royal family, have sex with the irresistible Prince Park Jimin on his throne.

❥ Ineffable by fringesofsanity ➴ FWB!AU | Jimin x Reader | One-Shot ➴ You’ve only shared your body to Jimin, mostly silent after the act. The one time you decide to bare so much more, you find yourself baring your soul to him, far more than you bargained for.

❥ Blue Side by hoseokiehopie ➴ Ghost/Lovers!AU | Jimin x Reader | One-Shot ➴ You’re all too familiar with the legend that says the dead can walk freely on Halloween. It’s a secret you hold deeply within yourself. When a classmate starts to break down the walls you built so strongly after your boyfriend’s passing, you have to decide if you’re going to remain in the past with the dead, or live among the living.

KIM TAEHYUNG

❥ Effervescence by fringesofsanity ➴ Idol/Fling!AU | Taehyung x Reader | Series ➴ Just like the fizz of a cola on a hot summer’s day, your encounter with Taehyung is short but sparkly sweet.

OR Getting married in three months, you and your girls attend Ultra Miami to cap your single life, a final hurrah of some sort. What you didn’t expect is meeting a beguiling boy with a boxy smile who gives you a festival you’ll forever reminisce.

❥ Minutiae by coconutty ➴ Stalker!AU | Taehyung x Reader | Series ➴ Y/N meets a mysterious and alluring photographer and wants to interview him. Along the way things start getting a bit strange. What happens when you draw the attention of someone who always gets what they want?

❥ Flower Arrangements by iq_biased ➴ Pregnancy/Lovers!AU | Taehyung x Reader | One-Shot ➴ From the moment you met Taehyung, his flourish for life drew you in completely. It wasn’t long before you fell head over heals for the tattoo artist who was so wrong for you, it felt right. But your story hasn’t always been an easy one, and just recently it’s become a whole lot more complicated…

❥ Freaks Forever by yeyeniejjung ➴ Criminal/Psych!AU | Taehyung x Reader | Series ➴ "So tell me, Mister Kim, what's your ideal evening?"

"Ah..full moon, sex and drugs all night."

You are the psychologist to the world's most dangerous criminal, Kim Taehyung. Kim Taehyung is the man solely responsible for some of the most horrific crimes that the world has ever seen, from burglary, drug possession, sexual assaults, to brutal homicides of a total of 37 victims, though there are suspicions that there are more, that range from children to the elderly; both male and female. The two of you form an odd bond between your weekly sessions, causing you to somehow completely miss his blatant manipulation that soon controlled you in every aspect; resulting in his escape from prison and his bloodthirsty ways and eyes to be immediately turned onto you..but will he spare you in the end of the torturous time he keeps you or will your fate be the same as any other past victim of his?

❥ Slow Burn by fringesofsanity ➴ Idol/F2L!AU | Taehyung x Reader | Series ➴ He was just supposed to be one of those clients. But then he gives you a night you’ll never forget. ❥ Noona by yuu14045 ➴ Neighbors/Lovers!AU | Taehyung x Reader | Series ➴ Taehyung, Jungkook, and Jimin lives in same apartment building. One day Taehyung received a mail for another Kim. She turned out to be Jimin's new neighbor.

❥ Snapped by Kpopyandere ➴ Yandere!AU | Taehyung x Reader | Series ➴ Your relationship with your boyfriend hasn't been going well lately. His twin, Kim Taehyung, decides to take advantage of this.

JEON JUNGKOOK

❥ If You’re Struggling Like I Am by @btssavedmylifeblr / bts_ruined_my_life ➴ Idol/Lovers!AU | Jungkook x Reader | Series ➴ You are hired as a makeup artist for BigHit working with BTS. You are older than all of them, yet, despite your best efforts, you find yourself slowing falling in love with the youngest member.

❥ My Cheating Amnesic Fiancé by Wrienne ➴ Idol/Arranged Marriage!AU | Jungkook x Reader | Series ➴ A series set in our world featuring Reader, the sole heiress of a multibillion-dollar company, and the Bangtan Boys' Golden Maknae - Jeon Jungkook. Mainly a romance, though doused with angst, drama and the twisted ways of fate. ❥ Return by Kpopyandere ➴ Yandere!AU | Jungkook x Reader | Series ➴ As Seokjin's girlfriend, you're off-limits, but Jungkook doesn't see it that way

#answered #tete-a-tete #anon #recs from hell #rfh:ot7 #rfh:knj #rfh:ksj #rfh:myg #rfh:jhs #rfh:pjm #rfh:kth #rfh:jjk #i have more but i don't have the time to browse through my phone maybe i'll share them another day someday sjagfhjgashdfjkas

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smellsfaintlyofvanilla · 3 years

Note

sorrry for being a pain! here’s some more eheh and thank you.

laugh quite a lot and i like to read, i’m quite bubbly but i don’t trust people very easily. relationship wise id like my independence and my love language is acts of service. altho i do quite like hugs and forehead kisses PDA-wise. i’d like to date someone who after a bad day we could both talk about it and like comfort each other but could also go a few days without seeing each other and conversation would still flow like nothing has happened. i have a large family so they need to be good with kiddos and dogs!

Don't worry about being a pain! I just needed a little more info, that's all haha

Also, I got really carried away with the drabble part... it's a little long whoops

Okay, anyway, hear me out, I match you with...

YELENA

-----

OKAY I'M SERIOUS HEAR ME OUT

At first impressions, things would probably be a bit rocky between you two

She found you frankly kind of annoying, and you found her too mysterious and stoic

BUT as time passed between the two of you, she found herself slowly enjoying your presence more and more

Because, although your cheerfulness and optimism seemed annoying to her at first, it ended up becoming a source of comfort for her

Whenever everything seemed to be going South, she'd always turn to you, and your unbothered smile

It lifted her up every time she saw it

But she wouldn't tell you this outright

She had a job to do, and a relationship would only interfere

So, surprisingly, it was you that had to confess to her

You weren't exactly sure what drew you to Yelena, but maybe it was the way her demeanor started to look less cold and apathetic, and more so confident and relaxed

So, with Onyankopon's reluctant help, you managed to get some alone time with her, and confessed your feelings to her over some warm tea and pastries you bought from a local bakery

She admitted, very casually, that the feelings were mutual

Somehow, throughout the whole thing, the most reaction you got out of her was a light pink tint on her cheeks

But, considering Yelena, that was a big step

Following the start of your relationship, your dynamic didn't change all that much at first

Things were kept mostly private while she eased into things a little bit

Not only did she have a steel reputation to maintain, but she had also never been in a relationship before. It was a new level of vulnerability for her

During this time, though, she'd worry about her abilities as your girlfriend

She wasn't exactly extremely affectionate, and scarcely had free time to spend with you

So you'd always reassure her, during your rare times alone, that you loved her, and she had nothing to worry about whenever she'd forego your time together in favor of working late hours into the night

And once her confidence in your relationship began to flourish, she was a lot more open about it to other people

It wasn't uncommon to see Yelena walking around holding your hand as she went to and from meetings, or to have her brush her hand soothingly across your thigh whenever said meetings got tense

She was still a bit more affectionate behind doors, but that was to be expected

She especially enjoyed the height difference between you two, bending down to wrap her arms around your waist and stand up straight, pulling you into a hug

And trust me, she'll melt if you wrap your legs around her and lean on her shoulder

It's one of those rare times you can see her blush

But, throughout your relationship, you notice just how quickly Yelena is at your hand and foot

Getting Yelena to do anything for others is a bit of a... challenge... but when it comes to you, she does it all without another word

She treats you like a queen, always preparing food/drinks when you need it, giving you massages when you feel tense, helping you with your paperwork to lift stress off of your shoulders, even when she has her own work to finish long after you've gone to sleep

She also gets very protective over you after a few months of dating. Honestly, sometimes, it borders on possessiveness

Her work is dangerous, and she hates to drag you into it, but it seems mostly unavoidable

So, she often tries to stick by you in tense situations, steering you away from danger

Whether that be encouraging you not to get involved with people she knows will backstab you, to physically getting in between you and harms way

She just needs to make sure that you stay safe, she wouldn't be able to live knowing she let something awful happen to you

She does respect your space, though, and leaves you to your devices often

And it makes her so proud to see just how amazing you are, both on the battlefield, and in meetings, pretty much anywhere

She admires how strong and capable you are in so many ways, she loves to see you flourish like that

Plus, I can totally see Yelena being a huge family person

Once the war ends, she'll start with something simple, like a dog

And so, you lead her to a dog shelter, expecting to walk out with a doberman or an English mastiff

Nope.

Instead, she ends up getting a tiny little chihuahua puppy, small enough to fit in her palm

The image almost makes you laugh, but the death glare she shoots you following her choice shuts you up right away

She'd name it Teacup or something

And god, she'd love that little dog to death

But even so, after years of living with you and the dog, she still felt a little lonely

So, she'd probably bring up the idea of adoption (since, of course, you're both women and can't just have a child)

Bonus points if Yelena has to dress up as a man to go to the adoption center because the employees were hesitant to let two women adopt

And that would lead you two to where you are now: a small little house in a big city, living within mere blocks of all your best friends, and your three adopted sons. And Teacup, of course

Yelena has no idea what she did in her life to deserve it all, but god, is she glad things worked out the way they did

-----

"Y/n?" A voice, unassuming to the unknowing ear, but easily recognizable to you, piped through the commotion. Soldiers and officers milled about left and right, chattering and laughing, filling the long hallway with loud echoes of banter.

You squeezed your way in between men in uniforms left and right, searching for the source of your voice. You didn't have to look far, though, since her impressive stature already stood her above almost everyone in sight.

Once you were in arms reach, Yelena reached out to intertwine your fingers in hers, filing through the crowd with much more ease than you had been granted, given her intimidating presence.

She pulled you down the hallway, further from where the soldiers had all gathered, and led you down to the hotel room you had shared for the time being. She whipped the keys out of her pocket, sliding them in and unlocking the door with a click.

You brought your hands to your head, rubbing small circles into your temple in an attempt to quell the dull ache already materializing.

"Geez, those guys are so noisy." You sighed, resigning to your headache as you collapsed on the sheets of the bed, tension leaving your body as the plush mattress engulfed you.

"It's unavoidable." She sighed, locking the door and stuffing her keys back into her front pocket.

A comfortable silence filled the space, Yelena shedding her suit jacket at the door and hanging it up on a nearby rack. You basked in the silence, the lack of chaos finally bringing you a moment of relief after nearly five days of non-stop obligations. A small smile formed on your lips as you felt your girlfriend gently drape a blanket over your still form, the warmth engulfing you immediately as she knelt down to remove your uncomfortably tight shoes from your feet.

The relaxed smile dissolved from your face almost immediately as a shrill ringing piped up in your ears, disturbing the silence. You were practically scowling by the time you opened your eyes, but they softened at the sight. It wasn't you, turns out, but a kettle of boiling water from the other side of the room. Yelena already had two cups laid out on the counter, and was digging through the cabinet containing all the teabags.

Your eyes fluttered shut once again, vision going black as you took in solely the sounds of the room. The piping quieted suddenly, replaced by the hollow sound of pouring water, then the clanging on the metal pot as Yelena sat it perhaps a little too carelessly back on the metal stove. If there had been any other noise, perhaps a thud of footsteps outside the door or a running air conditioner, you wouldn't have been able to pick up the quiet plop of Yelena dropping the teabags in, but it was surprisingly discernable through the quiet.

For the next few minutes, there wasn't much at all, save for the rhythmic taping of Yelena's foot, spurred by her rare moment of impatience. You could already feel sleep taking a hold of you, weeding the tenderness out of your muscles and numbing the pain in your head. Your breaths evened, preparing to drift into a short, sweet unconscious.

But, before sweet sweet sleep could engulf you, the old metal trashcan opened harshly, hitting the wall and startling you out of your tranquility. Yelena yawned, throwing out the teabags and bringing both steaming cups towards the bed.

She placed one on the nightstand, holding the other in her hand, steadying herself as to not spill the boiling water onto the sheets. Her large and slender hand found your back, rubbing up and down soothingly.

"How was the meeting?" She asked, taking a long sip from the cup.

"Tired..." You sigh into the sheets peeking your eyes open to gaze at your lover. She had her eyes transfixed on the steaming beverage in her hands.

"I figured it would be." She sighed, placing the cup onto the nightstand on the opposite side of the bed. "They've been working you to the bone recently. I know you still have more work to do before the day is over, but I prepared you some chamomile tea with honey."

You resigned from your comfortable position on your stomach, sitting up the lean against the head of the bed as you took the cup to your side. You took a long sip, enjoying the taste of the tea, warm and soothing, and not too bitter due to the honey mixed in.

"I can't wait 'til tomorrow." You sigh. "It's my day off, for once. There was this new restaurant in town that I wanted to try. I heard it's good."

Yelena hummed in response, making a mental note to set up a reservation.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?"

"What do you mean?"

"You don't need to take so many hours." She responded dully.

"But I want to." You sigh, setting the cup down to your side. It was still too hot. "Stuff needs to be done, someone has to do it."

Yelena frowned, bringing the cup back up to her lips to distract yourself. "You overwork yourself too much. Seriously."

"Maybe."

A silence filled the room once again. Not awkward, like you expect, just content. You knew you had very little time before there was more work to be done.

After an amount of minutes, maybe five, maybe twenty, a knock sounded on the door.

"L/n?" The voice traveled through the door. "Your meeting is in five minutes, are you ready."

You sighed, kicking the blankets off your legs. "Yeah, I'll be there." You pick up your suit jacket off the floor, pulling it over your shoulders. Just as you are about to leave, a hand grasps around your risk, tightening quickly and forbidding you from leaving.

You turn around and soften at Yelena as she sits at the edge of the bed. She tugs you closer, and you put your hands on her thighs to stabilize yourself as you lean in to plant a kiss to her lips.

"Good luck at your meeting." She says, running a thumb over your wrist. "I'll be right here waiting for you when it's over. I'll have something nice prepared for dinner." You smile and thank her, pulling away to kick your shoes back on.

You reach the door, grabbing the knob and twisting it.

"I love you..." She calls from behind you. Her voice is muffled slightly, and if you turned around now, you were sure that her back would be turned to you, probably already busying herself with paperwork.

"Love you too." You echo back, opening the door and slipping out, hurrying to the meeting room while you try to smoothen out your tussled hair and rub the tiredness from your eyes.

Yelena hears the door click, turning around to stare longingly at the cup of tea you left at your nightstand. She saunters over to pick it up, now cold, and bring it to the sink. You hadn't taken more than a few sips, it seems.

She sighs, placing the dish into the counter. "Seriously," She exhales, “what am I gonna do with you..."

-----

#yelena aot #yelena x reader #aot matchups #500milestone

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flickeringart · 3 years

Text

The Megxit Drama

A peek at Meghan Markle’s chart

The British Royal Family has certainly been the subject of dramatic events recently – Prince Harry and Meghan Markle doing an interview with Oprah in order to explain their break with “family”, royal duties and royal life – revealing quite unsavory things sufficient to depict the firm, staff and members of the family in a bad light. Essentially, Meghan was retelling her traumatic experiences of being treated unfairly, feeling trapped, being subjected to racism, getting no help in times of emotional crisis and robbed of freedom, while her husband Harry passively went along confirming all of it. Whatever the truth is, they certainly painted themselves as victims – compassionate and good-natured. They attempted to remain respectful to the people involved in the story, yet if actions speak louder than words, they certainly weren’t particularly “respectful” by throwing the Royal Family under the bus with this interview. The couple has gotten a lot of backlash as people are disinclined to buy their narrative, partly because both seem to be quite self-serving under the guise of selflessness. Meghan made it clear during the interview that she didn’t know much about life as royalty and went into it all surprisingly clueless, almost setting herself up for disappointment. One could assume that by committing to such a structured existence as becoming a royal, that one would do the homework and at the very least expect to give up the privilege of being “an ordinary person” in favor of being of service. The British Monarchy obviously has symbolic value more than anything else, which is not to say that it’s unimportant or trivial. Symbols carry meaning and the Royal Family upholds that meaning through attempting to embody it physically. The members are not supposed to be inflated and begin to believe that they in and of themselves are princes and princesses or whatever titles they are given. They are supposed to serve the titles rather than the titles serving them. In becoming a part of this symbol of divine reign, one merges with something far greater than the limited self. One serves to uphold an image that is immortal, ancient and has a function in the psyche of the British people. I dare assume that Meghan didn’t fully grasp this concept and went into it all with far more attitude than people would like – perhaps understandably so considering her lack of experience of monarchy. Prince Harry seemingly got pulled along with it all, presumably wanting to rescue his wife from that which killed his mother while piggybacking on the momentum of the situation and metaphorically breaking free from the “limiting container” of the institution. Harry said in the interview that he felt sorry for his father and his brother being trapped by their roles, which seems like a desperate attempt to try to gain some significance, to end up in the role of the hero and avoid living in the “shadow” of more prominent members of the family. People generally seek significance in some way and will come up with the most creative attempts to cast themselves in the role of superiority, whether it’s through victimhood, humility, bravery, sacrifice or anything else that elevates the self in some way. Whether someone’s behavior stems from an attempt to make up for the lack within or not can be hard to spot, but considering the skepticism the interview has been met with – and the scrutiny (and ridicule) that it has been exposed to – it is safe to say that people’s gut feeling tells them that something is not quite right.

(The chart of Meghan Markle on astrotheme.com)

Meghan Markle has been accused of a lot of things, of twisting the truth, of exaggerating in order to further her own agenda, of being self-serving and manipulative. Some call her “narcissistic” – which is the “usual” label thrown at anyone who lacks genuine care for others, stirs up drama and drags other people through the mud in order to benefit themselves. However, her behavior might not be intentional, but compulsive. After all, no one is 100% sure of why they’re the way they are, whether it’s deemed good or bad by society at large. Where the line is drawn between intentional and unintentional is unclear, yet the odors of shady business and dishonorable motives can be sensed – and people don’t usually like being “sold” something that isn’t what it seems. Generally people don’t appreciate being deceived, which is obviously why the backlash has been so extreme.

She has quite a charming and radiating outer appearance, which is typical of someone with their Sun in the 1st, and in its domicile at that. She also has the sweet and innocent “puppy eyed” look of a Cancer Rising, which displays emotion and vulnerability. It’s not surprising that she pursued an acting career before meeting Harry. The spotlight-seeking Leo Sun in the 1st house of self, the Moon-Saturn-Jupiter stellium in the artistic sign of Libra in the 3rd house of communication and (inter)action, as well as the boundless imaginative Neptune in the 5th house of creativity all contribute to the personality of the actress. Considering that she has an emphasis on Leo and Libra, it’s safe to say that she was in it for the refinement, admiration and class that being an actress could provide. She thrives on positive attention, and is undoubtedly sensitive to discord. With a Cancer Rising and a Libra Moon, she craves gentility and fairness, for everything to be “ok” socially. Cancer is a cardinal sign, and although it’s quite emotional, it’s also very active and motivated to create safety for the self. It does this by avoiding direct confrontation, of appealing to people’s caring side. There’s nothing wrong with this, but people might feel as if the Cancer Rising person’s innocence is “put on”. In the interview, Meghan had no problem displaying her own weakness and emphasizing her own vulnerability. She used these attributes to gain esteem, whereas another person of a different nature, with different archetypes protruding, would’ve felt humiliated leading life with that energy. Her Moon is her chart ruler, which makes her emotions the primary focus – in other words her subjective experiences, mutual care, needs and requirements is particularly emphasized in her life. The Moon is in Libra, the cardinal air sign that strives for balance and justice and awareness - especially as it relates to interpersonal relationships. Libra is famous for wanting to keep everything “civilized” and “respectful”. The tight Moon-Saturn-Jupiter conjunction in this sign points to emotional exaggeration (Jupiter) and restriction (Saturn). By entering into a relationship/business deal (Libra) she experienced harshness around her emotions (Moon-Saturn) on a grand scale (Jupiter). On a side note, Capricorn rules the 7th house, indicating that she encounters discipline and structure through partnership. The institution and structure (Saturn) that she entered into through her marriage with Harry (Capricorn in the 7th) would challenge her emotions (Moon) and it put limits on her freedom (Jupiter-Saturn) and affected her overall health (Sagittarius in the 6th).

Meghan has an Aries Midheaven, indicating that her career involves breaking new territory, doing her own thing, leading her own way. This usually doesn’t go over very well when attempting to work for authority. The person usually becomes frustrated and eager to venture out on his or her own. This is exactly what has happened. Her Moon-Saturn-Jupiter conjunction in Libra opposes her MC in Aries, which perfectly points to her attempts to keep things civil and non-aggressive (Libra), while coming off as selfish and individualistic to the public (Aries). Aries as a sign is famous for not listening to anyone and moving into unpaved territory, which she certainly has accomplished. The public now sees her as someone who goes her own way – doing her own thing and standing up for herself, for better or for worse. Her Mars is in Cancer, which is why her aggression isn’t direct and rather passively expressed. She has the stereotypical female aggressiveness that implies playing on one’s weakness and hurt in order to wear down the target. It’s also in the 12th house, which hints to it being disowned by the conscious personality. Meghan might have a hard time conceptualizing of herself as a force of impact and might not see how her pent up frustration might become an enemy to herself. She has complained about feeling attacked by the media and this is classic of a 12th house Mars attributing aggressiveness to anything but the self. Attack and unpleasantness seem to flood the person from the unspecified sources, and it can arguable be a horrific experience. In the interview she mentioned feeling suicidal at one point and desperate to not be alone with the threat coming from the outside, her own mind, or both. It’s difficult to attribute the cause to any single factor with planets in the 12th. Mars squares her MC and her Moon-Saturn-Jupiter conjunction which indicates struggle in the psyche concerning her emotional involvement with structure and beliefs, vs. her public image vs. her own fighting spirit. She certainly has confronted and challenged established structure (Mars square Saturn), albeit with an attempt to be “respectful” resulting in a passive-aggressive understanding of everyone’s difficulties and struggles.

The thing that drew her to The Royal Family in the first place must’ve been her Libran urge for class, style, aestheticism and beauty. She undoubtedly found it glamorous and exciting to get to be in the spotlight, to be respected as part of something elevated and glamorous in nature. She probably has a need for spiritual meaning, indicated by her Moon-Jupiter contact – and to have her daily work based on sharing “truth” and “generous” disposal of knowledge gained through experience (Sagittarius in the 6th). She also craves structure and order indicated by her Moon-Saturn contact, which she pursued through partnership (Capricorn in the 7th) with a member of a family with unparalleled saturnian streaks of tradition, custom and regulations. To establish herself within the family would not have been such a terrible idea for her because it could’ve met all of her needs for purpose and order. However, her Mars in the 12th house didn’t allow for this plan to work. One could say that her own self-serving function rebelled after having yielded to outside influences for too long. Planets in the 12th house are usually “given up” to whatever circumstance one is in – which often results in the person acting through being “overcome” by something - pushed into a position of having to act. Meghan declared feeling imposed on by the outside, emotionally unsafe and unwell. The 12th house is the house of self-undoing after all, and her actions might’ve proven to be quite detrimental - perhaps continuing to be. Square aspects, as that between her Mars and Moon-Saturn-Jupiter conjunction stimulates action because it’s indicative of friction. She had to fight (Mars) for her needs (Moon), control and integrity (Saturn) and for her beliefs (Jupiter).

#astrology #meghan markle #astrology analysis #megxit #cancer rising #libra moon #leo sun #sun 1st house #neptune 5th house #saturn conjunct moon #jupiter conjunct moon #meghan markle natal chart #natal chart #natal chart analysis #mars in 12th house #cancer mars #moon 3rd house #jupiter 3rd house #saturn 3rd house

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12tardis · 4 years

Text

Empire Line (Part 1/?)

Warnings: none

Summary: Newt has been in love with you since your second year at Hogwarts. You have been in love with Newt for nearly as long. You’re both ridiculously oblivious and you think he has feelings for Tina. Will Newt set the record straight before he loses you for good?

Pairings: Newt Scamander x Reader, Reader x OC (super brief)

A/N: Sooooooo this is part 1 of ? maybe 2 or 3 I really really really hope you like it bc I’ve slaved over this one. I’ve been wanting to write something more than just one shots for a while but my self esteem hit rock bottom this last couple months and that has bled over into my writing- hence why I’ve been so absent on here I’m so sorry fam ☹ In my head, this is a companion piece to I’m Gonna Keep You In Love With Me , it’s their origin story. Pls let me know your thoughts! I’d love to know what you think or where you think it’s headed. What do we think of Alistair?... Title: Empire Line by The National - literally listened to this on repeat while writing this

Taglist (I LOVE YALL): @auror-lovie @moonkissk7 @sagittarius-flowerchild @fishdonttouch @cal-ifornication @haileygarciasunshine

You had been completely in love with your best friend Newt Scamander since your school days at Hogwarts. You two had been inseparable since you first met and were now living together in a shared flat in London as you had been for the past few years since graduation.

You had tried to make your feelings known several times over the span of your friendship but Newt was either oblivious or pretending to be so he didn’t have to deal with the awkwardness of turning you down. You thought it was the former but as the years drew on you grew suspicious because how could one person be so completely clueless?

The unrequited love was recently becoming harder and harder for you to push aside. Your heart ached with every letter he exchanged with your dear friend Tina and your stomach knotted every time he would mention her in passing.

At the end of the day his happiness was all that mattered to you and if Tina was the one to bring him that then you would accept it. You just weren’t sure how you would bear it when they finally did get together.

Maybe it was time for you to move on and open your heart up to other possibilities. Merlin knows there’d been plenty of willing men ever the years, but you’d always held out hope that the love of your life would one day return your feelings.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to settle for someone else.

Once you finished your cup of tea you set the empty mug in the sink and grabbed your handbag before you left the flat, starting the journey to your workplace. Walking through the streets distractedly you thought over all the times you had tried to tell Newt how you felt.

The most recent time was when you’d been standing beside him a few months ago, posing for a photo for the newspaper at one of his book signings. You were so immensely proud of Newt for his hard work and dedication in pursuing his passion despite everyone that had ridiculed him for it throughout his life.

You had accompanied him in his travels while he wrote the book and had only fallen more in love with your best friend as you watched him in his element. And you thought maybe he may have returned your feelings considering he’d dedicated the book to you. Even his brother Theseus had dropped a couple of not-so-subtle hints your way regarding you and his younger brother.

So, as you stood beside him a few months ago at his first book signing you held his hand tightly in your own. You were pressed close to him and beaming with pride for the camera and you caught yourself glancing up at him where he stood beside you. He looked so uncomfortable and nervous in front of the camera but at the same time he was just so ridiculously handsome. You continued to gaze up at him adoringly after the photographer had moved on, squeezing his hand.

“I love you.”

You uttered the words before you could even stop yourself. It just felt so right and after everything that had happened over the past few months you were certain you had ‘something’. But when he looked back down at you with a crooked smile and squeezed your shoulder casually you felt a sinking sensation in your stomach.

“I love you too,” he said back with such ease that you just knew he only meant it as a friend. Your smile dropped for a split second, but you quickly composed yourself, letting go of his hand.

“Aaaaand I’m going to go find myself a drink,” you said in a fake bright voice, leaving him behind, completely unaware of the way he was staring after you yearningly.

What you didn’t see was the older woman that stepped over to him telling him that you were a lovely couple. And you definitely didn’t see the way he smiled back at the woman, thanking her softly as he continued to look at your retreating figure.

People were always mistaking you for a couple. It had been a regular occurrence since you were 5th years but unbeknownst to you - Newt had recently stopped correcting people when they made the same assumption. Instead opting to smile warmly in response and allow himself to get lost in the illusion for the briefest moment.

- - - - - -

You sighed to yourself as you reminisced on the memory, slipping your apron over your head once you arrived at work. That particular moment had taken you a good few weeks to get over.

Were you that undesirable to Newt that he didn’t even consider the possibility of you harbouring romantic feelings for him beyond friendship?

And then there’d been the numerous events you’d asked him to over the years.

You had been the one to ask him to the Yule Ball in your 6th year.

You’d asked him to attend your brother's wedding with you a few years after.

Once again you’d asked him to go as your date with you to a cocktail ball your work company held just the previous year.

And each and every time he knocked you back. His excuses ranged from: ‘it’s not my scene’, to ‘Pickett is under the weather’. And each rejection hurt more than the last.

To his credit though, he did eventually change his mind each time and always ended up being the best plus one there ever was. But that didn’t quite erase the embarrassment and heartache you felt every time he turned you down.

Just last week you’d asked him to go with you to your old school friend’s wedding. You’d thought he’d agree easily this time as Sarah was a mutual Hufflepuff friend of both of yours and she and Newt had always gotten along but he’d simply told you, “I’ll think about it,” before he had scurried off to his bedroom.

“Excuse me, are you open yet?” You snapped out of your musings once more when you heard the first customer for the day enter the shop, plastering a bright smile on your face. You were determined to have a good day.

- - - - - -

Newt walked into the kitchen shortly after you’d left for the day, frowning when he saw you had indeed left without saying goodbye and that you’d forgotten your lunch too.

He was worried about you lately. You usually always wished him a good day before you headed off anywhere and you hadn’t done so a couple of times now during the last few weeks. You also appeared to be forgetting meals here and there too.

You had been uncharacteristically quiet since the two of you had returned back from New York and Newt figured you must have been upset about leaving behind Queenie and Tina.

He knew how much you had bonded with the Goldstein sisters and he’d tried his best to cheer you up but everything he tried appeared to be futile as the smile would disappear from your face after a few moments and you’d just go back to tending to your plants or reading your books.

The only thing that seemed to grab your attention was when he would talk about Tina so he found himself mentioning the other woman most days, feeling a sense of relief when you would actually utter more than a few words in response. But something still seemed off.

He didn’t have the slightest clue about the heart ache you felt each time he uttered the other woman’s name.

Newt grabbed your lunch off of the counter and made his way to your workplace, figuring he could grab some things from the nearby grocers afterwards. He was planning to cook your favourite meal for dinner in the hopes to cheer you up a bit and maybe ask if there was something upsetting you recently.

Smiling to himself when he arrived at the small plant nursery where you worked, he leaned in the doorframe as he watched you tend to the plants, humming quietly to yourself. He saw you happy and at ease for the first time in weeks and he couldn’t help the grin that spread on his face at seeing you huff in annoyance when you couldn’t reach one of the hanging plants, stretching up onto your toes to try and reach the offending plant. How could one person be so adorable?

He was just about to step in and retrieve it for you when another gentleman walked over to you, resting a hand on your waist as he leant over you to grab the planter down. The smile dropped from Newt’s face immediately as he watched this man grin down at you, still completely in your personal space.

The mystery man set the plant down on the counter in front of you and Newt felt bile rise in his throat at the giggle you let out when the man leant in even closer to you, brushing some soil from your face. He was obviously a co-worker of yours and Newt felt awful because he should have been happy that you were happy, considering your previous co-worker had been horrible to you but when he saw the way the other guy still had his hand on your waist he felt nothing but jealousy.

Who was this guy?

Why hadn’t you told him you had a new co-worker?

You usually told him everything.

He thought you told him everything.

And WHY was the guy still gripping your waist like that?

Jealousy. It was a rare feeling for him to experience but it definitely wasn’t a new one. He’d experienced it every time someone had come along over the years and dared to look at you a little too long, or touch you with too much familiarity.

And every time, he felt like the world's biggest ass because he knew he didn’t have some claim to you. You weren’t some prize to be won or fought over, and yet here he was, gritting his teeth as he watched the other man make you laugh and swoon, just like he wished he could.

It took him back to the very first time he’d experienced the wrath of the green-eyed monster when you were 3rd years at Hogwarts.

- - - - - -

Newt was rushing towards the common room to find you with the new Pixie he’d just found hidden in his robes. He was excited to show you his discovery because you’d been particularly fascinated in the pixies when you’d studied them in class but as he stepped into the common room he was entirely unprepared for the sight that greeted him.

Pierce Brixley, one of the popular Hufflepuff 5th years, was gripping your shoulders and saying something to you with a megawatt smile on his face.

He couldn’t quite make out what either of you were saying as he made his way towards you, pausing in his tracks when Pierce leant in and planted an eager kiss on your cheek. Newt then felt a foreign twisting sensation in his stomach as he watched you lift a hand to your cheek to brush over where Pierce’s lips had just been, laughing while you waved to the older boy as he turned to leave.

“You saved my life, Y/N!”, Pierce called out to you over his shoulder as he rushed to leave the room. Newt noticed the other boy had a potted plant grasped in his hands.

“Oh, hi Newt!”, he grinned but Newt simply nodded at him wordlessly, watching him leave the common room in a rush.

He didn’t know what this strange feeling was that had just washed over him. Newt really liked Pierce. The older Hufflepuff had gotten him out of strife with some of his bullies several times and had even offered to help him with his studies from time to time.

So why did Newt suddenly feel the urge to jinx him?

“There you are! I’ve been looking for you since Charms”, you beamed at him, practically bounding over to him and tipping your head aside at the blank expression he wore.

“What was that about?”, he asked, completely ignoring your earlier statement, feeling a twitch of annoyance when you frowned at him in confusion “with Pierce,” he quickly clarified.

“Oh! Right that,” you laughed, shaking your head.

“He was panicking yesterday because it’s his girlfriend's birthday tomorrow and he accidentally squashed the Puffapod he’d gotten for her but it was fine because I found some growing out by the pumpkin patch- remember that time?”, you barely paused for breath, waiting for him to nod in affirmation.

“Yeah so I just gave him a new one that I dug up today. And now I have a sad but still hopeful Puffapod of my own to nurse!” You smiled as you held up the crushed and wilted flower for him to see.

And just like that the foreign sensation in his gut was gone and he felt normal again.

“So, I got him out of a pickle apparently but I’m not too sure about that because I don’t know who in their right mind thinks a Puffapod is a romantic gift! They make you dizzy if you mishandle them, did you know that? I certainly wouldn’t appreciate that as a gift.”

You rambled on so quickly that Newt was struggling to keep up, but he couldn’t stop his growing smile because he absolutely loved listening and watching you go off on tangents. You were so passionate about plants and flowers and he utterly adored the way your eyes would light up when you got carried away talking about them.

He gazed back at you as you continued to talk about the qualities of a Puffpod while you inspected the plant in your hands, trailing your fingers over the foliage.

“So, what kind of gift would you appreciate then?” he chuckled, smiling softly back at you and you blinked back at him because it wasn’t really something you had thought about.

“Uh...just something that shows genuine thought and care I guess- WAIT is that a Pixie?!”

- - - - - -

Newt was broken out of his daydreaming when he heard you laugh once more, and he cleared his throat when he decided you had spent way too long gazing back at the mystery man.

He gritted his teeth when said man was the one to turn to greet him while you went back to watering the plants, not noticing his presence in the shop.

“Hi there! How can I help you today?”, your co-worker said brightly, heading around the counter towards Newt.

Newt held up the lunch bag in his hand. “I came to see Y/N”, he said flatly, so flatly that he almost didn’t recognise his own voice.

Newt stared at you desperately feeling some of the tension leave him when you looked up to see him, a bright smile appearing on your face not a moment later.

“Newt!”

You smiled happily at him instinctively. You were always happy to see him, that much had never changed. It was just when you pictured him with Tina that that miserable shadow would fall over you again.

You cocked your head aside as you bounded over to him and Newt was entirely distracted by the sensation of his heart swelling on his chest at the sight of you, looking just like you did that time in your 3rd year.

Your lips parted when you recognised he was holding your lunch that you hadn’t even realised you’d forgotten. “Oh goodness, I totally forgot. Thank you, Newt! What would I do without you?”, you pecked him on the cheek quickly as you took the bag from him.

Newt blushed as he usually would at your affection, but he also felt a small sense of pride when he noticed the way your co-worker’s eyebrows shot up at the kiss.

“Starve probably,” he answered with a teasing smile, pausing when he spotted some lingering soil on your cheek that the other man had obviously failed to brush away.

He lifted his hand without a moment's hesitation and slowly and gently thumbed away the remaining dirt from your skin. Not noticing the way you held your breath and leant into his touch instinctively.

“I’ll see you later”, Newt murmured, dropping his hand quickly when he realised how long he’d been staring at you. He allowed his hand to brush down your arm, squeezing your hand in his own momentarily before he stepped away from you.

“Have a good day, Y/N,” he called looking back at you once he was in the doorway, simply nodding at your co-worker before he left the shop.

That evening when you arrived home to find Newt preparing your favourite meal for dinner, you’d felt a small spark of hope flourish in your chest, wondering if maybe he was trying to be romantic. Especially after that moment in the shop.

The meal was perfect, and you were sat there gazing back at Newt adoringly with your chin resting in your palm while he told you about his day with the creatures.

He paused in his ramblings as he got up “oh I nearly forgot, Tina wrote us both,” he grabbed two envelopes from the kitchen counter, passing you yours with a wide smile.

And just like that you felt all your hopes fade away once again. This time it really hurt to see the soft smile on his lips as he looked down at his own letter that looked considerably thicker than yours.

Of course it would be thicker than yours.

They were probably writing full romantic essays back and forth by now.

You plastered on a smile of resignation, pocketing your own letter and going straight to your bedroom once you’d finished cleaning up. Having no idea that Tina had actually written to Newt in great detail of all the reasons why she felt he needed to share his feelings for you.

- - - - - -

Newt had read over Tina’s letter at least a dozen times over the following week, knowing logically that everything the woman had written was true.

‘I know you’re nervous. Especially after all this time but you’ve known Y/N for so long now you know she would never ridicule you or lash out at you.

You should make the most of all the precious time you have together. Our time is never promised, I learnt that with the passing of my parents and there’s nothing I wouldn’t give to be able to tell them how much I loved them.

I can’t tell you for sure how she will respond but you will be able to finally rest without wondering what could be. Be brave Newt.’

He’d been re-reading that specific page over and over again and he was finally building a plan in his head of how he was going to tell you.

There had been so many moments over the years when he’d nearly told you of his feelings. The words had truly been on the very tip of his tongue more times than he could count.

But every time he grew anxious and backed out, promising himself he’d tell you ‘next time’.

The most recent time had been just a fortnight earlier when you’d been down in his case with him.

He went to the markets to fetch you a box of your favourite pastries and a bouquet of your favourite flowers, planning to present them to you when you got home from work. He had set the sweets and flowers in his study to give to you later before he’d headed down to check on the creatures, running through what he would say to you in his head as he cleaned around the enclosures.

“Newt?”, he startled when he heard your voice call for him because you weren’t due home for another hour. He looked up in time to see you coming down the stairs towards him.

“You will not believe who’s getting married!”, you said excitedly, waving the opened wedding invitation in front of his face “Sarah! Oh I’m so excited, it’s next month and the venue is incredible. Please come with me? Please?” you rambled on quickly.

Newt felt the courage to tell you of his feelings completely disappearing as he looked back at you and how beautiful you looked gushing excitedly over the wedding of your mutual Hufflepuff friend. “I-I’ll think about it,” he stammered, turning his attention back to his creatures because he simply couldn’t trust himself to look at you any longer without blurting out everything he had on his mind.

He was so focused on managing his own emotions that he was entirely oblivious to the hurt that washed over your features and the dejected way you slumped your shoulders before you left him alone in his case.

That evening he ended up tossing the pastries to Dougal and leaving the flowers on the doorstep of your workplace for you to find the next day, figuring it wouldn’t be too strange for a floral bouquet to show up at a plant and floral shop.

- - - - - -

The next time he worked up the courage to tell you how he felt wasn’t for another two weeks. The weeks had passed rather uneventfully as you both had continued on in your usual routines.

It was that morning as he watched you feeding the Mooncalves with the sweetest smile on your lips and Pickett perched on your shoulder that he decided he was going to try and tell you again.

You had seemed to perk up again recently so he took that as a good sign and once you’d left for work that day he once again went to buy you your favourite flowers and even booked a table at one of the restaurants you’d been nagging him to go to. Yes, he was going to put himself entirely out of his comfort zone tonight if it meant winning your heart.

Time got away from him though as he did a few other errands and got caught up in a menswear shop when he decided on a whim that he was going to buy a nice suit that you would hopefully like. He recalled you telling him how much you liked him in blue, so he was feeling quite confident with himself as he wandered back to the flat with his new blue suit and your flowers in hand.

It was 5.30 now. You would most likely be home from work but he figured that still gave you both ample time to get ready for dinner and enough time for him to plan out what he was going to say to you like he hadn’t already been rehearsing all day.

But his newfound confidence dissipated immediately as he approached the front door, hearing your voice and a distinct male voice that he didn’t recognise. Just like that he felt every last drop of courage drain from his body as he stepped into the flat and saw the very same co-worker from a few weeks ago.

He was sitting at the dining room table smiling back at you while you had your head tipped back in laughter at something that he’d said.

- - - - - -

Completely unbeknownst to Newt you had spent the last two weeks trying your very hardest to train your heart out of beating erratically every time you saw your best friend smile. Or stopping your stomach from doing somersaults every time he looked back at you with a little too much interest.

Sure, you loved him more than anything or anyone, but you simply couldn’t take any more of listening to him gush on and on about Tina. You knew it was time for you to move on.

So, you had to get over him and that meant turning your attention to your co-worker, Alistair. He was handsome, he was flirty, he was passionate about plants like you and most importantly he was into you.

You were still down in the dumps from Newt turning down your invite to Sarah’s wedding as you walked to work the next day but as you stepped towards the shop the most incredible bouquet of flowers sat waiting for you against the shop door. You felt your chest tighten as you scooped up the arrangement, seeing it was all your favourites.

“Blegh, who puts sunflowers with peonies and ranunculi?” Alistair said from beside you, having just arrived. You looked back at him suspiciously.

“...they’re my favourite flowers,” you said slowly, watching him closely because you were certain he’d heard you telling a customer that much just a few days ago.

“Oh, I knew that, I was just joking” Alistair played it off casually with a wink and such a charming smile that you were convinced he’d been the one to leave them for you.

When he set his hand on your waist and pressed a soft kiss to your cheek you were certain it had been him.

Who else could it be?

- - - - - -

“Oh hi, Newt! This is Alistair I’m not sure you’ve met properly yet,” you said brightly when you noticed Newt had arrived home, gesturing to the man sitting across from you. Alistair looked Newt up and down, keeping a pleasant smile on his face as he eyed the flowers Newt had tucked under his arm. Almost an exact replica of the bouquet from the other week, just in a different colour arrangement.

“Pleasure to finally meet you. I’ve heard plenty about you,” he said smoothly, holding his hand out to Newt.

Newt shook Alistair’s hand begrudgingly, feeling completely intimidated by just how classically handsome and built the other man was. He could never compare.

“Nice flowers you got there,” Alistair nodded at the bouquet just as you jumped to your feet excitedly, finally noticing the flowers.

“Uh...yeah I just found these on the doorstep,” Newt lied, holding the flowers out to you and stiffening at the calculating look Alistair was now giving him.

You blinked a few times as you took the stunning bouquet from Newt, whipping your head aside to look at Alistair.

“I KNEW it was you!”, you said happily as you poked a finger into Alistair’s chest, completely missing the look of confusion that passed over his face for a fleeting moment.

And missing the look of alarm Newt was giving you.

“You tried to pretend you didn’t know what my favourite flowers were! When did you even have the time to put them there?”, you giggled, truly thinking Alistair had managed to pull off such a romantic feat.

Newt gritted his teeth, feeling the strongest flare of jealousy yet when he saw Alistair quickly compose himself and plaster that stupid smug smirk back on his face “well I had them delivered of course,” he lied smoothly as his eyes flicked to Newt.

The two men locked eyes for a moment. Alistair was silently challenging Newt to tell you otherwise. Newt glanced back at you, opening his mouth to protest but he stopped himself just as quickly when he saw the happy glimmer in your eyes.

He just didn’t have the heart to ruin your good mood especially considering how down you had been lately.

So what if you thought the flowers came from Alistair? It was a harmless misunderstanding, right?

Not a moment later you were pressing a kiss to Alistair’s cheek and Newt was gritting his teeth again.

You wandered away to find a vase for the flowers, leaving the two men alone to just stare at each other. Alistair looked back at Newt and the stony expression he now wore, clearing his throat after a moment.

“I should really get going, Y/N,” he called out, keeping his gaze fixed firmly on Newt, another fake smile gracing his lips when you turned to look at him.

“It was nice to meet you, Newt.”

Alistair walked over to you and Newt wanted to die as he watched him press a kiss to the top of your head and saw the shy smile you gave him in return.

Newt briefly considered throwing the damn bouquet into his case for the creatures to feast on when you went to see Alistair off but when you returned to the room, he felt a horrible sense of guilt settle in his chest. You looked so happy and touched by the notion and he just didn’t have the will to wipe that smile from your face.

Would you have been so happy if you’d known who they were truly from?

Probably not.

“He seems nice,” he murmured quietly, staring back at you desperately and hoping you would realise the truth. But when you nodded your head in response, he knew it was a pointless hope.

“Yeah he’s lovely. He’s uh, a bit of a handful sometimes but he’s really sweet and he doesn’t get bored of all my plant talk,” you laughed, looking back at Newt, nodding at the bag he had in his hand “what did you buy?”

“Oh, just some stuff for in the case,” he lied quickly, forcing a smile at you before he walked away, pretending that his heart wasn’t in total shambles.

He decided it didn’t matter who the flowers were really from. All that mattered was that you were happy.

- - - - - -

Another week passed and Newt didn’t hear or see anything more of Alistair much to his relief. Strangely, you appeared to have slipped back into your more quiet subdued self and Newt was worried again.

Had Alistair done something to upset you maybe?

In actual fact you’d been wallowing for a few days now since you’d happened to glimpse one of Newt’s letters from Tina, mistakenly thinking it was yours.

‘Newt,

There is so much to admire about you. You are handsome and inspiring and truly one of a kind. I know Queenie agrees with me on this. Don’t sell yourself short. Much love,

Tina

Not only were you completely unaware that the true intention of the letter was more of a friendly pep talk on Tina’s behalf after Newt had written to her about his failure in telling you his feelings and detailing how charming Alistair was comparatively. But you were also hurt to think that Newt had neglected to tell you that he and Tina had made things official.

Sure, the letter was a little lacklustre and you could think of roughly two thousand things to add to the list of things to admire about Newt, but it was still clearly a letter between two people holding affection for one another.

It wasn’t an idea you really wanted to accept yet, so you decided the safest course of action for your bruised heart was to limit your time with Newt. So as a result, you’d been busying yourself throughout the week with your garden.

He would tell you about his new relationship with Tina when he was ready, and you would smile and support him like a good friend.

You’d been up in your bedroom all morning and Newt was concerned so he set about making you a cup of tea deciding he would go and check on you but he nearly dropped the mug in his hand when you came sweeping into the kitchen, dressed up to the nines in the most magnificent dress he’d never seen before.

Your lips were painted to perfection and your hair was styled to frame your face. His chest was aching from your sheer beauty.

“Y/N, you look...incredible,” he breathed, his mouth agape as he looked back at you. “What’s...what’s the occasion?”, he managed to ask eventually, moving closer to you instinctively.

You were completely taken aback by his reaction and his sweet words because he almost looked...awed? You shook the thought away, remembering the letter from Tina and frowned at him.

“It’s Sarah’s wedding? Remember you were invited? I told you about it last month?”, you walked away from him when the doorbell rang, and Newt stared after you helplessly.

Had Sarah’s wedding seriously snuck up that quickly?

Why hadn’t you mentioned it to him again?

Usually you would remind him of such events with a few weeks’ notice, giving him plenty of time to get his act together.

He felt his stomach drop and he understood exactly why you hadn’t mentioned the wedding to him again when he saw you pull the front door open, revealing a fancy suit-clad Alistair. You were taking a practical stranger as your date to the wedding of one of your oldest friends and boy did that feel like a kick in the guts.

“Y/N, didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s rude to out-shine the bride on her wedding day?”, Alistair said loudly as he walked into the apartment, taking your hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it. Newt rolled his eyes so hard he thought they might roll right out of his head.

“Oh, you won’t be saying that when you see Sarah. She’s actual perfection”, you smiled back at Alistair bashfully.

“I highly doubt there is going to be a single lady who can hold a candle to you today”, Alistair smirked, and Newt grit his teeth because that was something he could actually agree upon but just the way the other man was leering at you as he said it had Newt wanting to cover you up in one of his long coats. They always did swim on your frame.

Alistair eventually stopped his leering long enough to thrust a huge bouquet of flowers into your face. You raised your eyebrows because this time it was a giant bouquet of red roses.

“I thought it was about time to change it up a little, don’t you think?”, Alistair smiled, reaching out to toy with a strand of your hair, making Newt want to break his hand.

When you just stared at the roses wordlessly Alistair pressed a kiss to your cheek “I think Roses are much better suited to a lady such as yourself. Elegant, beautiful and the flower of romance.”

As you took the bouquet from Alistair and offered him a thankful smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes Newt found himself being thrown back into his Hogwarts days when he’d first learned the truth of why you didn’t like roses.

- - - - - -

“Now remember this spell will only heal minor injuries. Anything beyond that and I highly suggest that you still take a visit to the hospital wing.” Professor Jamieson’s dry voice carried through the classroom.

“Now repeat after me ep-PIS-kee...Episkey. Good.”

Newt was sat beside you in charms class during your second year, fidgeting with his quill nervously as he prayed the Professor wouldn’t call on him to demonstrate for the class.

Professor Jamieson had a penchant for making the entire class demonstrate their pronunciation and wand motions and it was often a source of great embarrassment for Newt as he would stutter when the entire class was watching him.

Newt groaned quietly from his spot beside you when the teacher did just that and he began to bounce his knee nervously as the students began to take turns one by one.

He blinked in surprise when you lay your hand on his knee. You offered him a smile of comfort and he felt his nerves melt away for a moment as he found himself getting lost in your eyes and the soft curve of your lips.

That moment was short lived though as the Professor had the class begin to recite the spell and the motion one by one.

He desperately whispered the spell to himself under his breath, but of course once it was his turn he froze, staring down at his desk as he fumbled with his wand.

Everyone’s eyes were on him as you nudged him gently and the Professor called on him again.

“...Ep-p-p...p-pisskey,” his flushed deep red right to his ears as one Colin Fligshaw guwaffed with laughter, already mocking Newt from the back of the classroom.

“P-p-p-p please Professor! I only speak FREAK!”, Colin mocked, and Newt sat in complete humiliation wanting nothing more than to disappear as the other students began to laugh along.

That was until you threw your ink pot with shocking accuracy, hitting Colin in the middle of his head and sending the ink all over the boy and his robes “Merlin, YOU’RE A GIT, FLIGSHAW!”

Your angry voice carried through the classroom as everyone else sat in stunned silence and Newt stared at you like you’d grown a second head.

“Miss L/N, Mr Fligshaw, detention for a week! And 10 points from Hufflepuff and Gryffindor!”

You scowled back at the other boy who at least had the decency to look ashamed, remembering the time you had made him pay for stealing Newt’s textbooks the year before. He’d had a sore ear for an entire week after you’d dragged him the length of the entire school, ranting and raving at him like a complete lunatic.

“Y/N, you didn’t have to do that. Now you’re gonna be stuck in detention,” Newt said when you were leaving the classroom and you frowned at the guilty expression he wore.

“Newt, you’re my best friend. I’m not just going to sit back and watch you be poked fun of. Plus, you’re going meet me after detention every day with snacks, aren’t you?”, you grinned back at him. You were only joking but Newt nodded in response.

And he did just that. Waiting diligently outside the detention hall for you each afternoon with your favourite snacks hidden in his robes that he’d pinched from the kitchens.

“You’re free!”, he hugged you when you’d finally finished serving your punishment at the end of the week, handing you a cinnamon bun that was still warm.

You hummed happily in appreciation wasting no time in chomping down on the pastry as Newt held out a letter for you to see “Look what my parents wrote me h-oh no!”, he tried to grasp for the paper when a gust of wind sent it flying out of his hand.

You quickly chased after it across the courtyard and Newt tried to call out to get your attention, but it was too late. You managed to catch the paper at the same time you stumbled straight into a rose bush, crying out when the thorns dug into your skin.

“Y/N!” he ran over to you as you thrashed around trying to free yourself from the rose bush, only to end up with more thorns piercing your skin. “Y/N stop moving!”

He winced at your whimper of pain as he carefully pried the bushes away from you, helping you out from the garden bed and sitting you down carefully as he looked over your injuries and torn stockings.

“This IS WHY I HATE ROSES! Firstly, they remind me of my mum's funeral because Merlin, they were everywhere that day but now this! Terrible, stupid, overrated flowers!”

Newt hated the tears he could see you fighting back as you bit your lip in pain. Your stockings were torn and there was blood running down both of your legs. He didn’t hesitate as he knelt down in front of you, taking your hand and using his other to pluck his wand out from his pocket.

“Episkey,” he murmured, letting out a sigh of relief when your skin mended quickly and you were no longer wincing in pain.

“Newt! You did it!”, you gasped, looking at him with big eyes and gripping his shoulders with a proud smile.

“I guess I just needed a reason to get it right,” he smiled back at you crookedly, casting another charm to get rid of the blood and dirt off of you before he helped you to your feet.

He didn’t let go of your hand as he guided you towards the common room, vowing to never ever present you with roses as a gift.

- - - - - -

Newt stepped towards you cutting Alistair from your view as you set the flowers in water with an unreadable expression on your face.

You looked up when he took your hand, looking back at him in confusion before you smiled weakly at him.

“It’s okay. I told Sarah you were busy with book signing things. She understands.” You squeezed his hand gently and Newt wanted to kick himself because that was the last thing that was on his mind. Really, he just wanted to stop you from leaving with him.

He wanted to tell you the truth. And he wanted to dash off to get into his own suit so he could take you to the wedding himself, but he knew he’d lost his chance.

Alistair’s low laughter filled the kitchen as he moved over to you and Newt gritted his teeth at the way he was still leering at you. “Don’t worry Newt, I’ll have her home by curfew,” Alistair teased, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you out of Newt’s grasp.

“Come on princess. We don’t want to be late,” Alistair fixed Newt with one last hard look over your shoulder before he pulled you from the house, missing the way you looked back at Newt in concern. Wondering what it was that he’d been trying to tell you.

Once you were gone from the flat Newt tried to go about his day as usual but the image of you looking so beautiful in Alistair’s arms was burned into his retinas and he found himself checking the time constantly.

He glanced at his watch with a sigh for the 4th time in an hour that afternoon, wondering what you were doing and if Alistair was being respectful. He knew it was silly. You were an adult and you could take care of yourself but that didn’t stop him from worrying and it certainly didn’t stop him from wallowing in self-pity.

As the hours wore on and the light faded, he found himself feeling more and more worked up, lingering in the living room by the front door when he would usually be in his case working.

It was the thought of you slow dancing in Alistair’s arms that had him rushing from the house and before he knew it, he was standing on his brothers’ doorstep, pounding on the door in a complete daze.

“Newt?”, Theseus frowned when he opened his door, knowing immediately from his younger brother’s body language and expression that something was bothering him. He stepped aside, motioning for Newt to come in and went to put the kettle on the boil while Newt sat himself down in the lounge room.

“I’m sorry I know it’s late and you’re probably busy- I can, I can go,” Newt stuttered when Theseus had returned with a pot of tea, getting to his feet to which Theseus frowned and cast him back into his seat.

“Newton. You know my door is open to you no matter the time. What’s upsetting you?”

Newt let out a deep sigh, brushing his fingers through his hair “I don’t...I don’t really know.”

But Theseus fixed Newt with a deadpan expression because he knew his brother only stumbled on his words like he was now over a select few reasons.

“Is one of the creatures ill?”

Newt shook his head.

“Have you lost Dougal again?”

He shook his head again.

“So, it’s Y/N.” Theseus said slowly, watching the younger man closely as he shook his head again.

“Well no...it’s not her specifically,” Newt ran a hand down his face and then let out a groan as his shoulders slumped.

“Merlin, who am I kidding. She’s at a wedding right now with some other man. Her co-worker. I was supposed to go with her, but I said no- I know I’m an idiot don’t give me that face Thes,” he rambled on as he wrung his hands in his lap.

“They’ve been getting closer lately and I just, I’m trying to be happy for her, but I can’t stand the guy Thes’ I seriously can’t stand the guy and it’s driving me mad!”

Newt’s voice grew louder as he continued on but Theseus watched him curl in on himself again when he finished.

The brothers sat in silence for a few moments as Theseus just looked back at Newt, choosing his words carefully.

“You...don’t like him because you’re simply jealous or you don’t like him because he’s genuinely unlikable?”

Newt blinked back at his brother in confusion “why’s it matter?” he sighed, shaking his head as he flopped back in the chair.

In the past he would have ardently argued that he wasn’t jealous and he didn’t see you that way but he knew there was no point trying to lie to Theseus.

“Well I just mean- do you dislike him just because you want to be him? Because you want to be in his shoes? Or do you dislike him because he’s not a good fit for Y/N? Does he treat her well? Will he make her happy?”

Newt looked down at his lap then, twisting his hands together once more as he pondered what Theseus had said.

“Not like I can,” he whispered eventually.

Theseus nodded in response, smiling softly back at him as he clapped him on the shoulder “then I think you better do something about it, Newt. You need to tell her how you feel before it’s too late.”

He noticed the hesitant look Newt wore so he continued, “you need to tell her before you have to watch her move on with someone who can never love her or treat her like you do.”

Newt got to his feet then, nodding to himself and determined to tell you the truth once and for all. Surely you would be home by now. When he arrived home though it was clear you still haven’t returned. That was fine. It just gave him more time to rehearse what he was going to say.

He paced around the kitchen as he imagined hearing you tell him you felt the same way.

“I had a great time tonight, Y/N.”

Newt’s head snapped up and he spotted you in the front terrace, your heels in one hand and Alistair’s hand gripped in the other.

That was okay too. It didn’t have to mean anything. He could still go through with his plan once you were inside and Alistair had left.

Then just as you reached for the door Alistair tugged your hand, spinning you around in his arms and leaning in for a kiss but you turned your cheek at the last second. You successfully dodged the kiss and Newt could almost hear his own heart sing.

That had to be a good sign! You didn’t want to kiss Alistair so maybe he still had a chance to tell you the truth. His brother's advice still echoed in his ears and he realised he had to tell you tonight before he lost his shot completely.

He sucked in a breath when you finally entered the house, standing in the hallway and just glimpsing Alistair’s retreating figure before you swung the door closed and turned to face him.

“Oh, Newt you’re still up”, you said in surprise and Newt had to focus on the task at hand when he realised just how distractingly gorgeous you were still looking.

“Yes, I have to tell you something,” he blurted out, stepping closer to you tentatively.

“Me too actually,” you murmured, smiling back at him weakly and Newt was caught off guard.

Why were you looking at him like that?

What did that smile mean?

He was so dumbfounded by your expression that he forgot to speak, so you eventually filled the silence.

“Alistair’s moving to South America to research the flora and fauna over there.”

Newt only blinked back at you dumbly, so you spoke up again.

“I said I’d go with him.” OTHER WORKS HERE! -

#newt scamander x you #newt scamander x reader #newt scamander x y/n #newt scamander imagine

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ohayohimawari · 3 years

Text

And Then They had a Guest

A drabble for Day 3 of @kakaobiweek Yellow | Animals | Domestic

Some cracky humor and feels, with a dash of implied Kagumo (Kaguya/Sakumo), appropriate for teen-and-up readers. I hope that you enjoy reading it!

And Then They had a Guest

Kakashi’s least favorite topics of conversation were those that had anything to do with himself, and as such, much of his life remained shrouded in mystery. Obito didn’t mind, though. He’d spent his childhood alongside Kakashi, and therefore, knew more about the man than most.

There was also the whole missing-and-assumed-dead thing that allowed Obito the ability to snoop on Kakashi for years, never mind the fact that they shared vision. In that time, Kakashi regularly visited three graves; his father’s, Rin’s, and Obito’s.

That should’ve been Obito’s first hint.

“What?” Obito spluttered when Kakashi returned from work to their shared home with the most unexpected news since Sasuke declared that he wanted to be Hokage.

“I told you it was today,” Kakashi replied, surprised to find Obito and their house in the same state of disarray as they were when he left that morning.

“Um, no. I think I’d remember if you told me,” Obito replied from where he sat, swaddled in a snuggie on the couch, elbow-deep in a bag of chips, and excited for the first day of the fall season in his simulated farming video game.

“I put the letter up on the fridge.”

“That doesn’t count as telling me, Bakashi!” Obito shrieked. “Call and postpone it to tomorrow!”

“Ah, I can’t do that,” Kakashi removed the heavy Hokage hat from his head and scratched at his cowlicks, “the reception out there isn’t that great, so the calls drop.”

“How long until she gets here?” Obito focused on the most immediate problem, mentally filing away the multitude of other questions he had for later.

“Within the hour, probably.”

“Why now?” Obito practically whimpered.

“I guess that being promoted to Hokage and moving in with my war criminal boyfriend warrants a visit from my mother.”

Obito activated his Sharingan so he could move that much quicker. He shut off his game before remembering to save his progress, and jumped to his feet, showering chip crumbs all over the floor. “Help me!” He shouted the obvious.

“I will, as soon as, y’know, it’s that time of day for me.” Kakashi pulled the unflattering Hokage robe off of his body and shivered from the sudden chill that overtook him in its absence. Then he grabbed a magazine and closed himself in the bathroom for what Obito knew from experience would be a solid twenty minutes.

Obito’s heart raced as he looked at the mess around him, and then down at the mess that was himself, as he realized that his lover abandoned him to deal with it all alone.

Then, his feet finally began to move, and Obito rolled up his snuggie sleeves as he frantically searched every room for exactly the things that he’d never want Kakashi’s mother to find. It didn’t take him long, they’d ‘Christened’ nearly every room in their home, and Obito knew all the hiding places for the necessities. At least he thought he did.

“Hey, Kakashi? Where did you stash the lube in the dining room?”

“We haven’t done it in there yet,” the bathroom door muffled Kakashi’s reply.

“Okay, cool, then I think I got them all,” Obito hurried to their bedroom with his hands full, intent on addressing the next catastrophe on his to-do list.

He tugged his snuggie up over his head and let it fall to the floor. He caught sight of his reflection and panicked anew. The shower was inaccessible, so Obito bathed in cologne before he donned trousers and a shirt with the least wrinkles, not caring if they matched. He returned to the mirror and used one hand to smooth his spiky hair into submission, while he ran the other over the wayward whiskers that had grown wild on his chin in the last five days without shaving.

Obito zipped down the hall that led to the bathroom. “Hey, Kakashi?”

“Obito, can we please talk when I’m done? I can’t exactly do my thing in here when I know you’re outside the door.”

“I need my razor.”

Even the bathroom door couldn’t silence Kakashi’s exasperated sigh. “Use my electric one; it’s in the travel kit on the closet shelf.”

“Okay, fine, just clean up in there when you’re done, and don’t forget to light the candle this time,” Obito rushed back to their bedroom.

He emerged again with the electric razor buzzing in his hand and his Sharingan eye swirling. He did his best to remove his budding beard without a mirror while uttering, “Kamui!” until the entire mess in their home was teleported to a dimension that only he and Kakashi could access.

Then, three things happened at once.

The toilet flushed, the razor’s battery ran out halfway through its job, and someone knocked at the door.

Obito froze like a deer in headlights, terrified to say or do anything.

Kakashi strode past him with the scent of manufactured clean linen wafting in his wake and reached their door in time for the third round of knocking.

“Don’t open it!” Obito hissed a desperate, whispered plea. “This can’t be your mother’s first impression of me,” he gestured to his half-beard, feeling like a whole hot mess.

Kakashi awkwardly cleared his throat. “You don’t have to worry about that, because, uh, I mean, as it happens, you two have already met.”

Obito gaped in astonished horror as Kakashi opened their door, revealing Kaguya on the other side of it.

“I’m surprised you knocked,” he greeted her.

Obito screeched and flung himself into the privacy of his and Kakashi’s mutual Kamui dimension, where he could freak out in his own mess without witnesses.

“What the hell?” He whispered even though he was alone, but he quickly chuckled when he realized his half-beard was no longer the oddest part of the evening.

Laughter was the bridge to calm and acceptance, the latter being of the utmost importance. There was a lot about Obito that Kakashi accepted without question, or doubt, and he deserved the same in return. Besides, as impossible as it may seem that Kaguya could be Kakashi’s mother, it made a helluva lot of sense, too.

And it wasn’t the only seemingly impossible and loving relationship in their lives.

Obito drew in a bracing breath and prepared to warp back to the chaos that waited for him in the nest he’d made with Kakashi when Kakashi suddenly appeared in front of him, with a mirror and Obito’s razor.

“I’m sorry; I should’ve prepared you for this,” he muttered, thoroughly apologetic.

“I’m not sure you could’ve even if you tried,” Obito brought one hand up and rubbed Kakashi’s arm.

“I didn’t even know myself, until recently,” Kakashi confessed. “I have a lot of questions for her, and I need you at my side when she answers them. So, please, will you come back?”

It struck Obito then that the person who was most nervous about a visit from Kakashi’s mother was Kakashi, and Obito would do anything for the man that stood by him, even in death.

“Of course, I will,” Obito reassured him immediately, “and I would do so much more for you, Bakashi.” He closed the gap between them to kiss the man with whom he shared a home, a dimension, and a lifetime.

#kakaobiweek2021 #kakaobi #kakashi #obito #implied kagumo #day 3 #hima writes

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pigeontheoneandonly · 3 years

Note

For your WIP list: Childhood Friends AU and Collateral Damage?

Thank you!!

Childhood Friends AU answered here.

Collateral Damage is a one-shot fic about Nathaly’s first real deployment after training, on a planet called Aonia, which was mutually claimed by both the Alliance and the Hegemony. Their two colonies were separated by an open battlefield, and locked in a stalemate. (Laine is her C.O., which is how they got to know each other well, though they met in N1.)

Shepard, who is still enlisted at this point, but working her way towards being admitted to OCS, eventually comes up with an idea to break the stalemate, based on exploiting a tactic the batarians have used to great effect on other battlefronts. The Alliance is victorious, and are in the process of mopping up batarians, when the batarians learn who orchestrated their demise-- and that it was a lowly corporal. Furious, they decide to take revenge.

The story is told after the fact, as Shepard relays it to Anderson. It came out of a challenge to write a story backwards, and became a key part of her backstory.

(It’s also how Nathaly caused Laine to lose his leg, if you remember that little anecdote from one of the early flashbacks in Labyrinth-- he got hit by a grenade during the action, and he playfully blames her because it was her idea.)

Excerpt:

Shepard plunked the cigarette between her lips. Her lighter flared against the twilight. She inhaled, to convince the flame to catch, and blew out smoke. “Where the hell is Cheng?”

Private Brill scratched under the neck of his hardsuit. “Only thing less likely than us getting daylight patrols again is Cheng strutting out on schedule.”

The fourth member of their squad, Kozlow, snorted a laugh and stubbed out his own cigarette, grinding it into the Aonian dust. The trees carpeting the Relagris river valley undulated in the light breeze. The wind was welcome; local high summer at this latitude usually meant steaming flat days that left even the water too hot to offer any relief. Body armor only made it worse.

Shepard took another drag. “Last time we had a daylight, three guys got shipped back to Arcturus with missing bits. The colony brass may be thick but they’d never be that stupid.”

“Never say never. You are talking about the guys who backed the L.T.’s crazy-ass plan to get at the batarian base.” Brill paused. “I’ll grant you it worked, though I don’t know that Lieutenant Laine’s too happy about sitting tight for a few months growing out the new leg.”

Shepard buried the flinch of guilt, and tapped off the cigarette. “Cheng had better get her ass in gear. Bravo Squad left more than ten minutes ago. If I have to order a hold there’ll be hell to pay.”

Private Cheng emerged breathless from the barracks, slapping together the last pieces of her grenade launcher. Shepard rolled her eyes. “If you bothered to oil that thing once in a while, it might not take eons to assemble.”

“Fuck off.”

“I wouldn’t want to encroach on your specialization.”

“At least I’m not some bitch who thinks she’s an officer ‘cause she got some kind of probationary MOS change to N. They give you little spec ops training wheels with that?”

Shepard regarded her evenly. “Keep talking, and I’ll show you just how much of an officer I’m not.”

Cheng held her eyes a brief moment, and glanced off. Shepard drew her rifle. “This patrol won’t walk itself. We’re due for rendezvous at Checkpoint Delta by 2100, so let’s move it.”

At approximately 2015, Shepard ordered a halt. Two months after putting boots on the ground, the navy built a bridge over the river. Since then, the batarians had blown it up three times. The bridge was currently in its “intact” phase, and after the beating their main base recently took, Shepard doubted the batarians had the appetite to try again. But it remained a choke point, albeit one she’d traversed a hundred times, and tonight something about it made her uneasy.

Kozlow’s brow furrowed. “Shepard, what—”

“Shut up.” She took a few steps forward and raised her gun. The wrongness was an itch at the back of her neck. The bridge wasn’t much to look at— a cheap composite span three marines wide, no railing, maybe thirty meters long. Thick shrubs clustered near the riverbank. Further back, where they stood, trees rose up, their roots nibbling at the path and the thick march of trunks obscuring line-of-sight.

Cheng hiked her pack up higher on her shoulders and made a sound of exasperation. “The longer we stand here the more my boots hurt.”

A puddle sat near the edge of the span. This time of year, the river ran low and sluggish. She could smell the algae bloom from here. “Why is the bridge wet?”

Shots exploded out of the bushes on the far bank. There was a pop as her shields collapsed. She dove for the trees and plastered her back to a trunk. A quick scan showed her team likewise positioned, all still standing, returning fire. Her hand pressed to her ear, activating her comm. “Alpha squad taking fire by the bridge! Requesting backup!”

She knew full well this would be over before help arrived. Shepard snuck a look over her shoulder. Batarians pounded across the span. It shook with every step, drumming the water up around their knees. One slipped. His comrades leapt over him and kept charging.

She angled her rifle low and let off a stream of shots at knee-height. There was no aiming, just as many bullets as her weapon could supply, enough to overwhelm their shields and do some damage. They were outnumbered two-to-one. “Cheng!”

“Working on it!” The private couldn’t leave cover for even the few seconds it took to set the grenade launcher and light them up.

Another batarian collapsed, a victim of Shepard’s kneecapping. Her cooling indicator slid towards the red. She cursed, and switched to targeted shots, quick bursts to avoid overheating and losing the weapon entirely. A lucky shot to the head took out a third. Almost at even odds.

Cheng took a breath, swung out of cover, and sunk to one knee to brace herself, bringing the launcher up to her shoulder as she moved. Even this economy of motion was too slow. She fell back with a scream, her grenade launching high into the air.

Shepard never saw it explode. A bag dropped over her head. She whirled in place, wielding the rifle like a club at anything in range, felt it connect and heard a grunt. But then other hands had her arms. Something wet and foul pressed against the bag, over her face. The fight disappeared, and though she started to fall, she never felt the impact of the ground.

Velvet black. Fuzzy pinpricks of white light. Blink. Stars. Sour stench— slime on her face, vomit— and the acrid tang of scorched grass. Murmuring voices. Alien. Batarian.

The urgent realization was a shot of adrenaline. She blinked again, trying to clear her head, trying to ascertain even a little of what was going on.

She came back to herself flat on her back, in a small clearing she didn’t recognize, with no sense of time at all beyond “later”. Much later, judging by the darkness. The bag was gone. Someone had zip-tied her hands and feet. Shadows moved in the meager moonlight, none of them paying her any mind at all. Her translator was useless at these volumes. After eighteen months on this rock, she’d picked up a decent amount Dherak— the Hegemony state language— but not enough to catch much meaning from whispers.

Somewhere to her left, she heard the low hum of a shuttle. Her heart’s pounding accelerated. She wriggled her hands, but found no slack in her bonds. Shepard could get her feet under her and stand, she was certain of it, but hopping away would never work. If she could reach her knife…

She rolled onto her side, ignored the nauseous lurch in her stomach, and curled into a ball so her hands could reach her boot. She could have died of relief when her fingers brushed the haft. But the position was awkward, trying to grip it with her arms lashed behind her, and she fumbled it into the grass. Shepard sucked in a breath and wriggled in a circle, searching.

“Stupid bitch,” said a voice from across the clearing, loud enough for her translator to pick up. Not that she needed it for curses. Everyone learned those first.

She scrabbled at the ground. If she could just get her legs free before he reached her—

Her fingers closed around the handle. She bent backwards, slashing at her bonds, not caring whether she stabbed herself, because that was better than staying here and much better than being packed onto that shuttle. Footsteps stomping towards her. The blade stuck in the dirt. She tried again—

A hand grabbed her wrist, none too gently, and jerked the knife away. Shepard stared up at him with eyes that could burn holes through steel. He turned the knife over in his hands. “Clever. I won’t ask where you hid it.”

She spat at him, but lacked the necessary projection. It fell on her shoulder. He chuckled. “You won’t make a fool of me twice, little girl. You’ll get what’s coming to you.”

“Moon’s just about set,” said a second batarian. “We need to move.”

“First things first.” He shoved her shoulder, hard and without warning, pushing her onto her stomach. Before she could roll any further, his knee crushed into her spine with all his weight behind it. The air went out of her. She couldn’t move.

“Fuck you,” she wheezed.

That he ignored. His burly hand gripped the back of her head, holding it still. “Can’t have your pesky Alliance tracking you.”

She felt cold steel press against her ear and had barely a moment to comprehend what was about to happen before he began to cut. Her body bucked with all its might, as much a reaction to the searing fire engulfing the right side of her head as a fight for survival. He grunted his irritation and increased his grip. “Blame your navy for wiring you with an internal comm.”

Blood spilled down her face, filling her mouth with hot iron. She made a second, feebler attempt to throw him off.

This time, he lifted her head by her scalp and slammed it full force into the ground. Her nose splattered. An odd ringing filled her head, and she found she couldn’t focus her eyes, or string even half a thought together.

“Stop squirming,” he said.

She lay still, too dazed to offer even a curse, as he resumed his work. At some point she blacked out, and the second time she came around, she was bundled on the floor of the shuttle, staring at batarian legs.

They’d wrapped wire about her, an improvised rope to prevent all but the smallest movements. She took some grudging pride in that. Her ear and nose still hurt terribly, but that had gone on awhile now, and she found she could think past it. A similar, less urgent pain in her forearm suggested they took her omni-tool as well. And she was dressed in only her thin undersuit. Her hardsuit, and its biomonitoring suite that was perhaps her last hope of being quickly located, was nowhere to be seen.

The same batarian spoke a few sentences, to general laughter. She caught maybe a third of it, her translator gone with the rest— something about a woman, her, and something about not being dead.

Shepard concentrated on counting her breaths. Once they got wherever they were going, when they had to move her again, she’d find an opportunity. She just had to hold together until then.

#ask me anything #nathaly shepard #wip meme #torture tw #whump #ljandersen

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mercuryonparklane · 3 years

Text

An attempt at objectivity on the topic of Tayliz/a summary: Part 2

(Kind of...)

I’ve been busy with irl stuff the last week, so I haven’t been posting much lately. I finally have a day where I have nothing else to do and I’ve been considering making a post about where I currently stand on Tayliz/Gaylor in general for a while, so I thought now would be a good time to do that.

Disclaimer: I don’t know any of these people personally and this is all my own interpretation of publicly available information. I apologize for the length of this post...

I’ve been a Taylor fan since 2006 and a Gaylor since at least early 2009 when I was posting fanfics on LiveJournal (I stopped writing rpf a long time ago, btw). I’ve been in and out of the Gaylor fandom since then. I’ve created and deleted multiple blogs/accounts in the past 12+ years. I was mostly active between 2009 and 2015, but I did a lot of lurking during that time and only engaged when I felt I had something to contribute. 2015/2016 was a crazy time and I was going through some of my own stuff, so I stopped following Gaylor as closely for a while. I listened to reputation and Lover, I read the Gaylor theories, made a couple comments, and moved along. When folklore was released it drew me back in.

I created this blog in September 2020, before I even had an inkling that Liz might be more than just another name that has been thrown into the potential exes list, along with Claire C. and Kellie (I don’t believe either of those two had anything beyond friendship with Taylor). I had never looked into it too much because it seemed like there was not as much information as there was for the main 3 (Emily, Dianna, and Karlie). Now, after researching Tayliz for 5 months, I believe there is at least as much, if not more, to go on as there is for the main 3.

As for Taymily, I believe that, at the very least, Taylor had a massive crush on Emily. I don’t like to get too in-depth about that because there is a very suspect age gap. I’m not saying that those things don’t happen, but I will reiterate my statement from an earlier post that I am not comfortable essentially accusing someone of committing a crime when all that can be deciphered is that Taylor seemed to really care about her. I do think there are multiple songs about Emily.

I also believe that Taylor did date Dianna and possibly had some kind of relationship with Karlie. I think both of these possible relationships are long over at this point. Taylor may have been looking back on those relationships (along with others) in her last few albums.

I still personally think it is possible that Taylor is a lesbian, but there are reasons to think she might be bi and I understand why people think that she is. I don’t really talk about the guys Taylor may have dated, but I will say that, to me, all of the boyfriends she had after high school seem like beards. I could be wrong, of course. There are way too many signs that she is queer for me to not think that she is at least bi.

There have always been sapphic themes in Taylor’s music, even in early songs like “Me And Britney” and “Angelina”. Her entire discography is littered with sapphic themes. In recent years, she has seemed to hint at being some form of queer in other ways as well. This has all been examined by others, so I won’t get into that in this post.

Anyway, on to Tayliz…

There is some compelling “circumstantial evidence” suggesting that there may have been something beyond friendship between Tayliz (a lot of this was covered in my first post and all of the information has been mentioned at some point on my blog):

They met multiple times between December 2006 and February 2009, when Liz first performed with Taylor, but it is hard to tell how well they knew each other at that time. Based on the information available, I actually think they might have even been close, or at least friendly, before Liz was hired, but I could be wrong.

The “official” story is that Liz met Taylor at a meet and greet in December 2006 and again in July 2007. She asked if she could sing for Taylor and Taylor gave her advice, including suggesting that she enter a talent contest and that she should move to Nashville. Some accounts say that Liz sang for Taylor in her dressing room, but I have never found a source for this part of the story.

Taylor wrote the following sentence about Liz in her blog on February 5, 2008, after performing on the competition show that Liz was a contestant on: “It sounds strange, but there was always something different about her that stuck out in my mind”. That is super suspect to me...

Taylor was the only musician to perform on the show, btw (although they did have the touring cast of HSM on the next week). Taylor allegedly said, during the interview portion of her appearance, that she knew Liz and that Liz had gone to “all” of her shows and meet and greets… whatever that means.

According to Liz, she moved to Nashville in June 2008 and sometime within the next 6 months she received a call to audition as a backup singer, but did not know for which artist she was auditioning. I feel like it would be an incredible coincidence that Taylor suggested she move to Nashville two years earlier, they met multiple times after that, and randomly Liz got a call to audition for Taylor without knowing it was for her within 6 months of moving there. I don’t know, maybe I’m being too skeptical, but it seems almost more of a reach to say that Taylor didn’t somehow have a hand in her getting that audition.

Liz already seemed very comfortable around Taylor in that picture with George Strait taken on the day of her first show with the band in February 2009.

At the one-off shows after Liz joined the band, there was a little skit between Taylor, Liz, and Grant during YBWM, where Grant played the love interest and Liz played the “Cheer Captain”. There was even a talking bit. During the Australia one-off shows, there was a talking bit before F&A where Taylor introduced Liz and they had a little conversation that ended similarly to the one Taylor has with the interviewer during the Fearless Tour. After this, they rarely interacted on stage.

Taylor seemed to allow Liz’s input during the auditions for the Fearless Tour dancers, two months after she joined the band, and Taylor ended up hiring two of her friends.

Liz went with Taylor to visit Abigail at her university in Kansas two months after joining the band.

Taylor took Liz with her to see Britney Spears’ Circus Tour show in Chicago right after the Kansas trip.

Taylor said in an interview for Oprah’s website, released in May 2009, that Australia and Lawrence, KS were her two favorite places to visit, which just so happen to be two of the places she had recently been with Liz.

The fact that they shared a hotel room in London a few months after Liz joined the band. Caitlin, who had been in the band for a while at that point, and her mom were both there for that trip. Maybe Taylor was just happy to be able to hang out with another woman around her age. It seems strange, but it could be a completely platonic situation.

Taylor and the band, including Liz, recorded a cover of “American Girl” by Tom Petty (one of Liz’s favorite artists) in front of the Rose Garden in Portland, Oregon in May 2009. The secret message for “Sparks Fly” is “Portland, Oregon” and she mentions the Rose Garden in “The Lucky One”.

Taylor mentions going to dinner with Liz, seemingly just the two of them, in her vlog from May 29, 2009, which was around Liz’s birthday (May 27).

The amount of Liz content in the vlogs. Plus, the choice to put the line “I like where you sleep, when you sleep next to me” right before showing Liz sleeping on a couch (this was the trip where they shared a hotel room, which does make that fact more suspect, imo) and including the song “She (For Liz)” in another vlog, in which she dedicates a whole section to Liz’s habit of falling asleep “All. The. Time.”

In fact, in both of those vlogs, which were posted a year apart from each other (May 2009 and April 2010), Taylor wears a black dot shirt, in clips that include only her and Liz, that is similar to the one she wore in the IKYWT mv.

Honestly, just go watch the video she made for Emily and then watch the vlogs after Liz joined the band… I just get a similar vibe in the clips she chose to include of both women.

They went to a Paramore concert together the weekend before Taylor hosted SNL in November 2009. At the concert, they were filmed by other attendees dancing next to each other on the balcony. One of the songs they were filmed dancing to is “That’s What You Get” and Taylor asked Hayley to perform that song with her (and the band, including Liz) at one of the Nashville shows on the SN Tour in 2011. In November 2019, Liz released her own song called “That’s What You Get” that sounds like it could be the opposite side of the relationship much of Red is about (and a couple other Taylor songs from other albums).

In Taylor’s Glamour interview published on 10/5/2010, she mentions that she designed the two guest rooms at her Nashville condo with Caitlin and Liz in mind.

After tweeting about attending the Katy P. concert in Dublin with Taylor (and Grant and Caitlin) someone asked Liz what her favorite KP song was and she responded “Thinking Of You”. This is suspect because at the time Liz did have a bf, but she may have just liked the song and didn’t necessarily relate to it personally.

There are tweets from people who are either not really well-known or aren’t in the industry at all that mention Taylor and Liz hanging out outside of touring. They are mentioned together in quite a few tweets actually. They seemed to have a good number of mutual friends during that time (spring/summer 2009-fall 2012). After Liz left the band, Taylor stopped hanging out with most of those people, while Liz continues to maintain some of those friendships to this day. This could be explained by the fact that Taylor began spending less time in Nashville.

One such friend is the photographer who Taylor hired for Red. She is actually a longtime friend of Liz. Supposedly she took some photos of Liz that Taylor saw and Taylor hired her after that. There are some pictures from Taylor’s Red photoshoot that are similar to Liz’s photos.

There are rumors that Liz was fired, but the “official” story is that she left to pursue her own music.

Liz did not wish Taylor a happy birthday on twitter in 2012, which she had done in previous years. She did not tweet @ or mention Taylor for almost a year. Taylor didn’t respond to any of her tweets or mention her until October 2014.

Some of the songs Liz released in late 2012/early 2013 have similar lyrics/themes to Taylor’s music and may be about Taylor.

The lyric video for Liz’s song STFU&HM includes polaroid pictures with the song’s lyrics written on them and neon signs, which is basically the 1989 aesthetic. The actual mv has some potential parallels to the IKYWT mv. (side note: Liz specified in an interview that the kind of “sour candy” she is singing about in the song is Watermelon Sour Patch, which Taylor mentioned in the June 2008 issue of Teen Vogue was something that she “couldn’t live without”)

The love interest wears a key necklace in the STFU&HM mv and Taylor wears one in the IKYWT mv.

The bridge of IKYWT is very similar to lyrics from a song by Patty Griffin called “Nobody’s Crying”. Liz once said that Patty is her favorite singer (this was when she was still in Taylor’s band) and has mentioned her and that particular song multiple times over the years. Side note: Taylor mentioned last year that another one of Patty’s songs was the inspiration for “betty”.

Liz played the other woman in the mv for TSOU and in the photoshoot for SN. At the end of the mv for her song “H8U”, Liz interrupts her love interest’s wedding and kisses his tall, blonde, curly haired bride.

This one could be a crazy coincidence, but Liz recorded the backing vocals on a song called “Dear John” that was written by the backup dancer who came out to Taylor during the Fearless Tour. Btw, by no means am I saying DJ is about Liz because that would make zero sense.

Liz’s birthday is on one of the board games in the “Lover” mv that reference “Cruel Summer”. Most people think CS is about Karlie and that makes sense, but it also seems to reference “Love Story”, which was potentially written sometime around when Taylor performed on the show Liz was a contestant on. I don’t know if LS is about Liz and I am not trying to claim that, but it is interesting. Even if it’s not, they performed that song together a lot and Liz helped out with the onstage costume change during that song. CS could be about her experiences with both Liz and Karlie. Or it could just be about Karlie and the date in the “Lover” mv has nothing to do with Liz’s birthday.

In “the 1” and “dorothea”, Taylor potentially references Liz’s song “Never Know” and by reference, I mean that she essentially uses the exact same lyrics: “I guess you never know, you never know” = “I guess you never know, never know” and “I guess I’ll never know” = literally just the same line. Not to mention in “dorothea” Taylor also sings “Do you ever stop and think about me?” and in NK Liz sings “I wonder if you think about me” right before the line “I guess I’ll never know”. I am not saying that either of those songs are about Liz, but it is interesting, especially since Liz tweeted about “the 1”, which was the thing that really sent me on my deep dive into Tayliz.

The “cardigan” looks like the cardigan she wears in the first vlog she included Liz in. It could be nothing, but it is interesting because I have a theory that Liz is the first woman she had a “relationship” with and that “cardigan” is about Liz, Dianna, Karlie, and possibly some other women she might have dated/been with.

These are just some of the highlights and are more focused on the facts as opposed to some of my more tinfoil hat, fun, crack theory stuff or just some of the things that are loosely related to Liz or might involve a little (or a lot of) reaching to connect them to her.

Everything I have mentioned could just be a series of strange coincidences, even though there appears to be quite a few of them. Whether anything ever happened between them or it was just one of those intense, romantic friendships that some women tend to have, I don’t really know. Based on what I have seen, I tend to think there was something going on there beyond friendship, but possibly it was never anything official.

Liz seemed to have a boyfriend most of the time that Tayliz were working together/hanging out, which is one of the main things that makes me question my own theory. Of course, it is always possible that she had something with Taylor, while she also had a boyfriend. There are many reasons for that (poly, closeted, etc.), so that does not exclude the idea that she may have actually been involved with two people at one time and one of those people could have been Taylor.

If they were together in some capacity, while Liz also had a boyfriend, it could explain the messy relationship that Taylor seemed to write about during that time. I think it is possible that Emily was just a crush and Liz was her first actual experience with another woman where the feelings were reciprocated to some degree. OR they could have just been really good friends and I am utterly, completely wrong.

Maybe Taylor is just a straight girl, who doesn’t realize that she’s been sending signals that she is queer for years. Whenever that thought crosses my mind, I think about all of the things she has said and done that imply she may not be straight and I just can’t help thinking that it is intentional. I don’t think she is queerbaiting or unintentionally signaling that she might be queer. I think she is queer and has dropped multiple hints to suggest that over the years.

Anyway… Liz has a bf right now and seems to be in a good place, so let’s let her be, please. I hope we get some more new music from her soon.

As far as researching Tayliz goes, I’ll probably keep looking into it when I have time, but at this point I think I have seen pretty much all there is to see (of the content available online currently). I’ll be waiting for the songs from Taylor’s “vault” to drop to see if there are any potential connections there (at least in the “vault” songs for Fearless, Speak Now, and Red).

In conclusion (TL;DR)...

My personal opinion is that there is enough “circumstantial evidence” to include Liz on the list of Taylor potential exes. For me the Gaylor timeline looks something like this:

(Fair Warning: this is all total speculation based on song lyrics and other information that is publicly available)

Summer 2006-December 2007: Taylor develops a crush on Emily. Emily possibly finds out somehow and it doesn’t go over well (OR it does). She is fired from the band AND maybe she is paid off to pursue other interests…

2008/2009- Spring (Summer? Fall?) 2012: Taylor has an on/off relationship with Liz, while Liz also dates men. The relationship may have even started developing as early as the first time they supposedly met back in December 2006, but Taylor definitely was feeling something by the time she posted that blog in February 2008. It’s complicated and non-exclusive. Maybe Taylor wanted more of a commitment and maybe there were promises made that things could/would change, but they never did. By the time she started hanging out with Dianna she was ready to move on. So, she ended things in March/April… but still met up with Liz a couple times after (possibly as friends).

Taylor may have also dated Julianne H. at some point in 2008/2009.

Spring 2012-Fall 2013 (?): Taylor has an on/off relationship with Dianna that may have ended, in part, due to interference from Taylor’s team. Maybe it is the one relationship with a woman that could have actually developed into something more concrete, but maybe that also scared Taylor a bit.

Winter 2013/Early 2014-Fall 2016: Taylor has an on/off relationship with Karlie, while Karlie is also involved with Josh (hence my comment about how CS could be about her experiences with both Liz and Karlie because they may have been similar circumstances, where sometimes they were single and other times they had a serious bf).

Fall 2016-Present: There are at least a couple potential girlfriends within this timeframe. I lean towards Tily being a thing from at least fall 2016-Summer 2019. I am open to Zaylor and I do find it interesting, but I’m not as sold on that one. I personally do not think Taylor is with Joe nor do I think that Joe is WB.

The straight explanation could be that Taylor gets into really, intensely close friendships with other women and eventually they grow apart and move on with their lives.

The funny thing is that I remember Taylor once saying something about how after a breakup, she completely cuts that person off. That fits with her relationships (whatever the nature) with Liz, Dianna, and Karlie. With each of these women, Taylor shared a friend group with them, but Taylor seemed most interested in them. She has had a few friendly/cordial interactions with them, but she seems to have completely separated her life from them after their “friendships” ended. In fact, she moved to entirely different cities on opposite sides of the country (and in one case a different country, with a whole ocean in between) after she stopped hanging out with them.

That’s where I stand and it’s not really much different from where I was back in October when I posted my first summary on Tayliz.

Although, I do have more information now than I did then that leads me to think something was going on. 70% of the time I am convinced they had a relationship beyond friendship and 30% of the time I think they were only ever friends. 99.9% of the time I think I am a clown.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I am inclined to believe that Tayliz is more likely to have had some sort of relationship than Taymily and is slightly less likely to have happened than Swiftgron and Kaylor. Other Gaylors might think they were only coworkers or friends. I’m not out to convince anyone. I am just presenting the information I have found and I don’t mind a friendly discussion/debate if anyone wants to talk about it.

#tayliz #random tayliz thoughts #random gaylor thoughts

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illfoandillfie · 4 years

Text

Horror Movie (Right There On My TV)

Pairing: Ben X Fem!Reader X Joe

Summery: You and the boys have a horror movie marathon

Warnings: Ya’ll this fics got it all. We’ve got fluff! We’ve got hurt/comfort! We’ve got a little angst! And of course we’ve got smut (18+)! Oral Sex (mostly m receiving but also a little f receiving), sensory deprivation in the form of blindfolds, fear play, restraints, a little hint of slapping, a bit of sub!reader, a bit of denial, fingering, unprotected sex, a little bit of m/m, i think that covers it

Words:8453

A/N: This is my HalloQueen event entry for @mrbenhardys ! Kyra I have absolutely loved getting to know you and I hope you enjoy this! 🎃💚

Taglist: @laedymoon @dtfrogertaylor @ezmina98 @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks

Your relationship with Ben and Joe was hard to define. A facebook relationship status update would say it’s complicated. Acquaintances would say you and Ben were dating and that Joe was a close friend. The few friends who knew something about your situation would probably describe you as a lucky bitch for managing to snag two hot fuckbuddies. Which, admittedly, you were. It had started the same as most casual relationships you’d seen before, you and ben and a less-than-sober hookup. It happened on a night out celebrating a mutual friend’s birthday and then it had just sort of kept happening. A tipsy pash here, a booty call there. You fell back on each other after unsuccessful nights out and stressful work days. He never made you leave if you were at his place late and, after a week where you stayed over more nights than you spent at home, you’d ended up having a discussion about what was happening between you. Neither of you was in the right place for a proper relationship. You’d only recently got out of something fairly long term and he was very career oriented, still trying to learn how to mix his professional life with his personal, especially now that he was auditioning for roles in bigger productions. So you agreed to keep it casual and fun. Stress relief he sometimes called it, or distraction or a hundred other innuendos and code names. But no matter what name you used it was exactly what you both wanted: a regular good, fun shag.

The night you met Joe he flirted with you outrageously. Ben had invited you out with a bunch of other friends, a proper piss up to welcome Joe and make up for celebrations Ben had missed while he’d been filming. He was excited for the two of you to meet, sure you’d get along like a house on fire, though he probably hadn’t expected see you grinding against each other on the dancefloor quite so quickly. You caught him looking at you from over the shoulder of whichever friends he was talking to once or twice, feeling suddenly awkward under his gaze and a little like you were in the wrong. Maybe because it had been a while since you’d been with anyone other than Ben and there was the assumption you’d end up in his bed at the end of the night. But you’d reminded yourself that you and Ben weren’t exclusive, just friends who sometimes saw each other naked, and let your attention drift back to Joe. You’d ended up making out with him before the night was done, in a dark corner of the club, hands grabbing at each other, his tongue practically down your throat. That was as far as you got though. He was crashing in Ben’s spare room and you felt just a little too weird about the situation to let it progress any further. At least, until a few days later. You went over to Ben’s with the intention of just hanging out with the two of them, maybe watch a movie or take the dog for a walk. Ben had been so sure you and Joe would get on and you wanted to make a proper effort, have a conversation unhindered by house music and shots and wandering hands. Joe answered the door, explaining that Ben had just left with Frankie and didn’t expect to be back for a couple of hours. “I’ve just put the kettle on though, do you want a coffee? Tea? Ben’s told me so much about you and I’m dying to get to know the girl who pushed him out of a window.” “He told you that?” you asked, following Joe through to the kitchen. “Yup,” “Well he lied, I never pushed him out of anything. The idiot was drunk and fell out himself. Besides it was the ground floor, wasn’t a proper fall anyway.” “That’s not how he tells it,” “No, well, if he told it properly it wouldn’t be half so impressive,” you laughed. You’d ended up talking for a bit, realising Ben had been right about how much you’d like Joe. The friendly conversation led to picking up where you’d left off a few night’s previous which led to both of you giggling as you scurried into the spare room, shedding clothing as soon as the door was shut behind you.

Ben arrived home and was startled by you, wearing nothing but Joe’s shirt on your way back from the bathroom. The uncomfortable moment was only made more uncomfortable by Joe almost walking into you both, wearing only his boxers. “Y/N? What’s taking so long? You said you were going to blow me,” his voice trailed off at the end as his eyes landed on Ben. “Hey Ben, fancy seeing you here in your own home,” “You’re both getting on then?” Ben’s voice was cheery but uncomfortably so, like he was trying too hard. “Mmhmm, guess you were right about us,” you said, not quite meeting Ben’s eye. “Good, I’m glad,” his gaze were fixed on you, completely ignoring Joe who still stood in the doorway to his room, “Just out of curiosity, how long have you...” “Today was the first time,” you said, equally as focused on Ben as he was on you, “Came over figuring we’d all hang out and I’d get to know Joe because you kept going on about him. Didn’t really expect anything else to happen.” “Okay, cool. I mean, it’s fine, you’d make a cute couple,” “Thats not... it’s not like that. Right Joe?” you looked away from Ben for the first time since he’d appeared, “It’s nothing serious.” Joe blinked like he’d forgotten he was part of the scene taking place, like he wanted to call out to the director for his next line, “Oh, yeah, no. I mean, I’m only here for a couple of weeks and I’m not really looking for serious right now.” “Cool. That’s cool. None of my business anyway. Sorry, I’ll,” he gestured vaguely in the direction of the lounge room before disappearing through the doorway. You chewed on your lower lip, staring at the spot where he’d been. “Soooo,” Joe drew the word out until he ran out of breath, “can I ask what that was about?” “Huh? Oh um, yeah. Me and Ben have kind of had a thing going for a while,” you walked past Joe into his room searching the floor for your clothes, it didn't feel right to continue now that you weren't alone. “Shit, really?” “Yeah but not like anything specific. Just a casual thing. Other people weren’t off limits or anything so there’s nothing to worry about.” “Still feel kinda bad. It’s his house after all.” “Yeah,” you sighed, trying to convince yourself that was the only reason you felt bad. “What if we didn’t have to though? Feel bad that is.” You paused, halfway through pulling your underwear back on, “What d’you mean?” “What if he joined us,” Joe shrugged as he made the suggestion, trying to seem casual. “Really?” “Yeah, if you’re cool with it?” “I’ll go get him then,” “I’ll wait here then,”

You crept towards Ben as quietly as possible, almost making him spill his drink over both of you as you flopped onto his lap. “Shouldn’t you be with Joe?” Ben kept his gaze fixed on the TV screen. “Wanted to ask you something,” “What could possibly be so urgent?” “Do you maybe want to join us?” “What?” “Threesome, Ben. You in?” “Is that a trick question? Of course I’m bloody in,” You laughed as Ben swooped in to kiss you quickly and then pushed you off his lap, giving your arse a small slap to get you moving back to the bedroom. “Who’s idea was this?” Ben asked as he followed you back to where Joe was waiting. “Joe’s but it wasn’t like I needed convincing,” “Geez Mazzello, didn’t realise you were so hot for me.” “As if you haven’t been pining over me for months.”

The three of you fell into the arrangement quietly, without feeling like you had to discuss it overly much. It was just fun, after all. You did have a conversation over dinner about limits and likes but there was an understanding that, whatever your relationship was, it didn’t need to be defined or spelt out. You continued to hook up with Ben and, when the chance arose for you to see Joe you would, sometimes all three of you spending the night together. While Joe was away, home in the US, you kept in constant contact. Group chats between the three of you featuring jokes at each other’s expense, plans for things to do next time Joe was able to make it back to your part of the world and outrageously flirty messages, some of them down right filthy. Plus a private chat where you sent each other photos from your beds and lamented the distance between. Ben spent a few weeks visiting Joe and they made sure you knew everything that happened, your phone constantly vibrating as photo after photo was sent to you. The two of them at a baseball match, a series of shots taken while having dinner, a sneaky picture of an unaware Ben getting out of the shower, all of them captioned with things like bet you wish you were here, and better than what you’re eating, and jealous?

You and Joe got closer, despite being so far apart, during a few weeks when Ben started seeing someone else. It came as a surprise, Ben not so much as mentioning it to you until the day you texted to see if he wanted to come over to play videogames, have a drink and make out a bit. His reply felt awkward, like he didn’t want to admit he was with another woman, or maybe you were just projecting your own sudden, inexplicable hurt onto his words. You spent the night talking to Joe instead, wishing he was with you to make you forget the unexpected pang that had hit you when you saw Ben’s message. The conversation, which started with a joke about him no longer having to share you with Ben, carried you through three glasses of wine and ended with you sending him a video of you fingering yourself, only needing to wait about thirty seconds before he was calling for more. It was a good distraction for the night and one that continued regularly for the full length of Ben’s new fling. Eventually, sick of only being able to listen to your moans through the phone, Joe booked a flight back to visit. Once again he crashed at Ben’s place, though he barely used the bed. Even nights where the three of you would hang out together had the tendency to end with Joe following you home.

During his stay you learnt how he took his coffee and which were his favourite snacks, stocking up on all of them. You got used to the smell of his aftershave in your bathroom and on your sheets. And to the sound of his laughter ringing through your rooms. The day you came home from work and found him cooking dinner you decided that meeting him had been one of the best things to happen to you, and the thought was only confirmed later that night when he went down on you. Weekend mornings became excuses to stay in bed, snuggled up together under the covers, dozing between giggly remarks and lazy kisses. Unsurprisingly, Ben was a frequent topic of conversation. “Maybe we shouldn’t speculate about his bird so much,” you sighed, wriggling further into Joe’s embrace. “Well if he’d just tell us something about her we wouldn’t have to,” “You’re right, this is his fault. I bet she’s a bitch.” “Y/N!” Joe mock scalded, “Our Benny wouldn’t date a bitch. A cow maybe,” You both laughed, letting the sound fade into silence naturally. “No, she’s probably terribly lovely.” you said after a pause, “pretty too,” “I reckon she’s tall. Ben’s got a thing for tall girls,” he nudged you, pulling another smile onto your face. “I miss him,” “Great, what am I, chopped liver?” “Oh shush, you know what I mean. You saw us the other night, it’s different now. He’s more awkward around me.” “Yeah, I get the feeling you wouldn’t have seen as much of him if I wasn’t here,” “That’s probably true,” “It’ll pass. You’ll be back to normal before you know it,” “Bit hard since our normal involved a lot of sex, but I appreciate the sentiment.” “Well, if things don’t get better between you, you could always move over my way. I’m sure we’d be able to get you a job over there. And you wouldn’t even have to worry about a place to live or anything since I’ve got a perfectly good one. Could take my guest room. Or half of my room, I’ll clear some draws for you, save you some space in the wardrobe.” “Joe...” Part of you loved the idea, the thought of Joe liking you enough to want something more serious made you feel warm and gooey. But you sensed he wasn’t letting on to the full extent of his feelings, something unsaid hanging between you, and you didn’t know what to do with it. “I know, I know. A bit too serious sounding. But you are welcome any time. We can take pictures for Ben, maybe make him jealous enough that he breaks it off with what's-her-name and come back to us.” “Sounds like a brilliant plan. If they’re still together at the end of the month I’ll book my ticket.” You both fell into another fit of giggles, easing the momentary tension that had risen in your chest as he found your lips again.

They weren’t together by the end of the month. It only took a few weeks for the relationship to fizzle out and a few days after that he was calling you again. You tried not to look too happy when he appeared on your doorstep brandishing a bottle of your favourite rosé, a grin breaking out despite your annoyance at his interrupting you and Joe. “I can come back later,” he said, noticing your dishevelled hair and the robe you’d hastily thrown on. “It’s just Joe. You can come in if you want,” He nodded, dumping the bottle on the first table he passed as he followed you to your room. “Look who I found,” “Ben! Guess you finally realised how much you missed us,” “I think you missed me more,” he laughed, things instantly feeling like nothing had changed, “How’s our pretty whore been managing with only one cock to satisfy her?” “She’s been managing just fine, thanks,” Joe said as he hurled a pillow towards Ben. But Ben caught it, coming close to hit Joe over the head with it before swooping in to kiss him quickly. His smile was warm as he flopped onto the bed, squeezing into the space between you and Joe. “I did miss you though,” he said softly, pulling you into a deep kiss. You melted into him, your hand falling to his chest, able to feel his heart beating beneath your palm. “Hey, y’know as much as I enjoy watching you two together, me and Y/N were kind of in the middle of something.” You laughed against Ben’s lips, pulling away so you could lean over and kiss Joe too.

So it continued. Too many feelings for friends with benefits to feel like an apt description, but none of you claiming more than that. Any attempts to label your relationship only raised more questions until you gave up trying, but it was something none of you wanted to trade in or give up. Sometimes you worried that Joe, living so far away, felt left out, though you did everything you could to include him. But it became easier when he landed a role in a movie that was filming close to Ben’s place. He moved into Ben’s guest room again, this time for a few months rather than a few days or weeks. You celebrated his arrival by pouncing on him before he was even fully though the door, sinking to your knees and tugging his pants down with the promise that he could have you however he wanted in every room of the house. Ben rolled his eyes, dragging one of Joe’s suitcases over the threshold and complained that you’d never made him that offer.

The three of you settled into a kind of domestic bliss. Mornings spent drinking coffee before any of you had to rush off to work. Evenings spent walking Frankie, in a pair or all together, taking her to the park. Nights spent on the couch sharing a bottle of white wine as you talked, or drinking chai lattes as you snuggled close to keep warm. Sometimes you’d curl up in an armchair and doze, listening to the boys run lines together, or to Ben messing around with his guitar, the TV on in the background even though no one was watching it. Weekends and days off spent lazing around the house or heading out together. You cooked dinner together or argued about what to takeout to order, stole each other’s clothes, and sometimes all fell asleep in the same bed, whoever was in the middle waking up sweating in the morning from how warm it got. Fast and needy afternoon sex with Ben while Joe was still on set. Slow and lazy morning sex with Joe when he didn’t have to be in until late. Making out with one on the couch turning into both of them grabbing you, pulling you into place so they could have you at the same time. At first you returned to your own home each night but you gave it up as a bad joke before too long, happier to stay in either of their bed’s, even on nights when you were all too tired to so much as think about sex.

One night, a couple of weeks after Joe moved in, found the three of you huddled up on the couch together watching a scary movie. It had been your idea to have a horror movie marathon. The storm belting down outside set the perfect mood and the idea of cuddling up to your boys was too nice to pass up. Joe had jumped at the suggestion, already listing the movies he thought deserved to be watched before you’d even finished talking. Ben had agreed too, a little slower than Joe but with a joke about how scaring a girl with a horror movie was the number one way to get her into bed. You laughed and let them playfully argue about which of their beds you’d end up in, as you settled into the couch between them. “It’s gonna be mine, mate,” Ben said, readjusting in his seat so his body was turned towards you and Joe, “No offence but I’ve got the better arms for a comforting cuddle. Also, you don’t technically own a bed here. You’re in my bloody guest room so I think that means I get dibs,” “Bullshit! If you were a good host you’d let the guest have her.” “Think I let you have enough as is. That’s my jumper isn’t it?” Ben pointed at the maroon knit Joe had donned as he rushed out the door that morning. “That’s like comparing apples and oranges,” “Do I get a say in this?” You asked offhandedly as you scrolled through Netflix. “Only if you’re agreeing with me,” Ben countered, wrapping his arm around your middle and pulling you tight against his body. The sleeve of his yellow knit sweater scratched softly against the partially exposed skin of your stomach as you giggled. Joe leaned in towards you, his hand falling to your knee, “Don’t worry honey, we both know you’ll sneak into my bed once he’s asleep.”

There was a little more bickering from both of them, Ben reminding you that you could hide your face against his chest if you got scared, Joe scoffing that it’d be like hiding your face against a brick wall and you’d be better off leaning into him, even as Joe turned off the lights and you turned the volume up, loud enough to be heard over the storm. They both quieted down as the first movie started, though neither of them removed their hands from you. Occasionally Joe would shift his up your thigh, rubbing your skin softly as though he were soothing you or trying to warm you up, and at one particularly unexpected jump scare, both their grips on you tightened, neither relinquishing their hold until the movie was over. As the credits were rolling Joe grabbed the controller, flipping through the other horror titles until he found what he was looking for. “Found it!” “Bird Box?” “Yeah, I’ve been wanting to watch this for ages,” he said, “just haven’t had the chance yet,” “Ben, have you seen it?” “Um, no, I haven’t. But I’ve heard it’s good,” his voice sounded thick and he stopped to clear his throat between statements. “Alright hush up I’m starting it,” You glanced over at Ben but he caught you, flashing you a smile as he dropped a kiss to your shoulder and then turned back to the screen. You smiled back, deciding he’d only sounded odd from not using his voice for a couple of hours. Only fifteen minutes or so into the movie Ben got up, tiptoeing towards the front door, making sure it was locked, and then heading into another room as quietly as he could. You glanced at his back, but the screen soon drew your attention again, Joe’s eyes never having left it. Ben returned a few moments later with a large soft blanket, throwing it over the three of you as he settled back into place beside you, his arms looping around you loosely once more. During a particularly intense scene his hold on you tightened again, fingertips digging into your skin a little uncomfortably. You lay your hand over his, idly rubbing your thumb over his skin, and heard him release a shaky breath close to your ear, his grip relaxing. As the movie continued Ben tensed up more and more, pulling his feet up under him as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. A loud clap of thunder erupted outside and you felt Ben gasp, his chest rising with the sharp intake of breath. You, somewhat awkwardly, managed to bring your hand up to run your fingers softly through his hair, feeling him relax again at the comforting touch, though not enough to look at the screen properly or move out of your reach again.

When the movie ended Joe got up and walked towards the light switch. “How about I make us all a tea or coffee or something before we start the next one,” “Think Ben might need something a little stronger,” The lights flicked on and Joe turned to find Ben huddled up against you. He started laughing. “Joe! Don’t be mean!” “Sorry, but you have to admit it’s a little funny. Mr ‘im here with my muscles if you’re scared’ having to hide under a blanket,” You shot Joe a warning look before focusing back in on Ben, stroking his cheek when he sat up straight again. “You okay bub?” “Yeah, sorry, just don’t do great with horror stuff,” “You should have said, we could have watched something different,” “No no, I should have gone off and done something else. I’d seen part of that first one already though and knew it wasn’t too bad. A couple of jump scares got me but otherwise it was fine. That second one though, with the blindfolds…” he shuddered. “Aww, Benny, come ‘ere” you moved to straddle his lap, pulling him into a hug. You heard Joe scoff but ignored him as your hand slipped over Ben’s shoulder and onto his back to rub soothing circles there. “Will you stay with me tonight? Don’t think I’ll get much sleep if I’m alone,” “Of course bub, whatever you need,” “Thanks,” he gave you a small sheepish smile. “I didn’t know you don’t like horror,” Joe said suspiciously, flopping into the seat beside you and Ben, arms crossed over his chest. “Not really something that comes up much, is it?” “And you’re definitely not bullshitting us to get Y/N into bed?” “No, not at all.” “But it is a bit of a bonus,” you laughed, nudging Joe’s shoulder teasingly. “Good, because otherwise I’d have to be offended that you’d choose her over me. She’s all arms and legs, nothing like as cuddly as me,” You felt Ben’s hand fall to one of your legs, tracing lightly from your ankle up to your thigh. “They are very nice legs though.” “Very nice,” Joe’s hand mirrored Ben’s. “What are you two doing? I’m trying to be comforting here,” “Can think of a few ways you could comfort me, love. Both of you. Only fair.”

You couldn’t help the giggle that escaped you as Joe turned Ben’s head, the fingers on his chin pulling him into a soft, warm kiss. Ben’s hands slipped towards your arse, holding you securely against him as you raked your fingers through his hair. Your lips replaced Joe’s as he pulled back, shifting onto his knees so he could better reach Ben’s neck, leaving a trail of love bites in his wake. The longer you and Joe lavished attention on Ben, switching between sucking at his pulse point and pressing your lips to his, the needier he got. Small, contented sighs and hums rose up in his throat, contrasted by how hard he was growing under you. His fingers pressed into you as he encouraged you to rock against him, bucking up when either of you made him feel particularly good, until he couldn’t take it anymore. “Wait,” he rasped, holding you still as Joe sat back on his knees. “Tell me what you want, bub.” “Mouth, please,” Grinning, you slid off his lap, pushing the blanket aside. You tapped his ankle to get him to open his legs wider so you could kneel between them. Ben groaned when you ran your finger along the outline of his still clothed dick, teasing him a little more before you pulled his joggers down and set him free. “Don’t worry Benny,” you leaned forward and let a long string of saliva drip over Ben’s cock, “gonna make you feel so good you’ll forget all about the movie.” He swore as you took him in your hand, pumping his entire length once, twice, before closing your lips around him. You lowered your head until you felt him hit the roof of your mouth and then came back up, tongue dragging along his underside. You didn’t quite let him fall from your mouth, waiting until the last moment to sink back down until he was once again hitting the roof of your mouth. Looking up through your lashes you saw both boys staring at you. Ben’s cheeks were flushed, his hand balled up into a fist, clutching the blanket he’d brought earlier. Joe was looking at you intently, lip pulled between his teeth. He had one hand tangled in Ben’s hair, the other lay still against Ben’s stomach as if it’d been about to slip under his jumper when he’d become distracted. Not that you could blame him.

A loud groan from Ben broke through the air as you came up for a breath. “Please don’t sto- oh fuck,” he whined as you sunk back down, letting him slip into your throat. “She is very good at that, isn’t she,” Joe said, blinking himself free of the trance you’d put him under. Ben managed to choke out a noise that sounded like agreement, but he was much too distracted to articulate anything properly. You pulled up again, stroking him in the absence of your mouth, as you gave your jaw a moment to relax, relishing the way he whined so needily. “Go on, keep going,” Joe palmed at the front of his own pants, “not very nice to make the poor boy wait,” “Hmm, funny how I’m doing all the work here,” “You don’t need my help, princess, got it completely under control,” “That’s true,” you chuckled, lightly squeezing Ben’s balls and making him gasp, just to prove it. “Babe, as fun as listening to you and Joe talk is, you’ve started something and I need you to finish it.” “Sorry bub,” you giggled, dropping a kiss to his thigh and then another to his cock. Joe leaned his head on Ben’s shoulder, settling in to watch the show and you once again stretched your mouth around Ben, taking him as deep as you were able. You put everything you had into the blowjob, using everything you knew about Ben to drive him towards his release. His pretty moans only rose in volume as you bobbed up and down, swirling your tongue over his tip, gagging as you took him deep. Hollowed cheeks and cupped balls, finger nails lightly running along the spots you knew were most sensitive. You could hear Joe, cooing at Ben, telling him how lovely he sounded moaning your name, how hot it was to watch, encouraging him. “Gonna cum for us? Gonna show Y/N how much you like her mouth wrapped around your cock? She’s been so good. Earned a reward. C’mon, cum all over her tongue, give her something to swallow.” It wasn’t the first time you’d heard one of your boys encourage the other to finish in or on you, but it still hit you hard, making you feel more aroused than you already were. You hummed around his cock, trying to convey your own encouragement wordlessly, the vibrations enough to push him over the edge. Ben swore as he came, rutting into your mouth as you milked every drop from him, Joe praising him and you softly.

You stood up, stretching with a small moan before reclaiming your place on Ben’s lap, “how was that? Feel better?” “Mmhmm, much,” he said, lips bitten and eyes soft, fingers dropping to your knee, rubbing at the indent the carpet had made. “Good,” you leaned forward with the intention of kissing Ben but Joe stopped you, taking you by the chin, his thumb skimming over the corner of your mouth. “Missed some,” he said, dragging his thumb over your lip. It tasted like Ben when he slipped it onto your tongue. “Go on, suck,” he said, watching you just long enough to ensure you did as you were told before turning to Ben, “y’know, I don’t think it’s right that she gets away so easy,” “What d’you mean? “Don’t you want to punish her a little? Give her a little taste of her own medicine?” “Again I ask, what do you mean?” “She really deserves some sort of payback for putting you through all that,” You grabbed Joe’s arm and tugged his hand away, “If I remember correctly it was you who chose the movie,” “Shhhhh, princess,” he said, covering your mouth with his other hand, almost laughing, “that’s not important. What’s important is that it was your idea to have a horror movie night in the first place. And I’m ready to watch you squirm.” “I take it you have an idea then,” “Yuuuup,” he popped the ‘p’, “I’m thinking blindfolds, I’m thinking restraints, I’m thinking….hmm…maybe some edging, who knows?” “Babe? You okay with it?” You wriggled on Ben’s lap, trying to subtly relieve some of the pressure that had only built with each of Joe’s ideas, “uh, yeah, yeah sounds fun,” “I knew you’d be wet for it,” Joe smirked as he got up to retrieve the supplies.

“Hey,” Ben said softly as Joe left the room, drawing your attention away from the doorway, “thank you, for before,” “It was a blowjob Ben, and probably not the last one you’ll get from me, no need to thank me so seriously,” “No, I meant for before that. You kept me much calmer than I felt during the movie. Just, y’know, letting me lean on you and the way you held my hand and stuff,” Ben’s eyebrows furrowed, “I’m not articulating it well, but you really did help,” “Well, you’re welcome,” you pushed a strand of hair behind his ear, “I just did what I would have wanted. What you’ve done when you’ve comforted me.” Ben pulled you into a hug, arms tight around your back as your head fell under his chin. “I don’t say this very often, Y/N, but I’m really glad we started doing this. And that we’re back to normal.” “Me too,” you laughed, “best sex I’ve ever had.” Ben laughed too, “well yeah, there’s that, but everything else too. I..” You could feel Ben’s heart beating under your hand, it sped up as he considered his next words. “At the risk of opening a can of worms… I don’t exactly know what we are or what to call this. But, it… it means a lot to me. You and Joe mean a lot to me. And,” You waited, holding your breath, Ben’s heart hammering against your palm. “maybe I shouldn’t say this while Joe’s not around but I… I think I –” “Found a blindfold!” Joe was practically bouncing as he came back into the room though he stopped when he saw you pushing yourself off Ben’s chest to sit up again, “Am I interrupting something?” One glance at Ben told you he didn’t want to say any more about it just yet, though you thought you could guess where he’d been heading before the interruption. “You caught us Joe, took so long we got impatient and squeezed in a quickie. Y’know Ben’s a cuddler afterwards.” “Ha ha, very funny,” he waved a piece of material in your face, “found a bandana in one of Ben’s cupboards. Not sure why he has one but it’s our good fortune he does otherwise I would’ve had to cut up a shirt.” “I dressed up as a cowboy for a party once,” Ben shrugged, “never got rid of the costume.” “Good thing because I’m definitely going to need to see you in it. I feel like you’d make a very sexy cowboy, don’t you Joe?” “Definitely. ‘Specially if he’s wearing the assless chaps I found too,” “Oh fuck off, I don’t own any assless chaps and you both know it,” “But now I know what to get you for Christmas,” “Don’t you dare,” “Why not?” “Cause I already got some for him,” Ben jerked his thumb as Joe, a cheeky smile lighting up his face at the joke. “Alright alright, enough assless chaps. Only one of us has had a chance to get off so far and that needs to change. So, blindfold.” He held the bandana up and moved behind you, looping it over your eyes and tying it toff tightly behind your head. “Can you see?” “Nope,” “Okay good,” You felt hands wrap around your waist pulling you backwards off Ben’s lap, feet landing on the carpet unsteadily. Before you’d even balanced yourself Joe was speaking in your ear, adrenalin and anticipation already pumping through your veins making your breath come quick. “You think you can get to Ben’s room without being able to see?” You were distracted momentarily by the warmth of Ben’s body pressing close to your front, his hands inching the hem of your shirt up. “Well? Do you?” “Yes, I think so yes,” There was a beat as Ben pulled your shirt off over your head, the noise of it rustling in your ears, your shoulders tightening as the chilly air hit you. You put your hands out in front of you, trying to find Ben and the warmth that came with him, but he was gone, moved out of reach once more. All you got was Joe, making sure the placement of the makeshift blindfold hadn’t been disrupted, and then a sudden quiet as the TV was switched off, whichever trailer had been playing in the background cut off mid-sentence. “Pants too, princess,” Joe said, snapping the waistband of the flannel pyjamas you wore. You hurried to wriggle out of them, the cold nipping at your bare skin. As soon as you were left in just your underwear Joe took your hand and led you away from the couch. “Okay, we’re going to go to Ben’s room,” he spun you around once, hands firm on your shoulders, “and you’re going to join us,” another spin, “and you’re going to be quick about,” a third spin, “because the longer you take the less chances you’ll have to cum.” He grabbed your shoulders, holding your firmly while you tried to shake the disorienting dizziness. “Take too long, princess, and you’ll end up completely denied until we decide you’ve earned more.” And then his hands left you, the soft pad of his bare feet disappearing somewhere towards the bedroom, any trace of Ben already gone, leaving you completely alone and unable to see.

You took a deep breath, trying to stop the vague panic that was already welling in your gut. In your mind you tried to conjure the layout of Ben’s house, looking at it from overhead, tracing the rooms from the lounge where you assumed you still were. Study, kitchen, bathroom, bedrooms, theoretically you knew where they all were but you had no idea which direction you were facing, no clue which part of the room you were in. But you couldn’t stand there forever. You’d either freeze or, worse, end up denied an orgasm for who knows how long. You had to start somewhere so you took a tentative step forward, arms held out in front to locate any obstacles you might run into. When nothing blocked your path you took another and another, hoping to find one of the two doorways out of the room. Your ears strained for any sound that might help you, any clue to your location, or theirs. The hum of some electronic left idle, the drip of a tap not turned off tight enough, hushed voices, anything. But the storm, still raging outside, interfered too much. All you could hear was the trees being whipped around by the wind and every so often a clap of thunder. Your steps were slow, careful, deliberate. The last thing you wanted was to kick a chair or a table by accident, or trip over something your outstretched arms didn’t catch. But you knew you were going too slowly. A clock ticked in your head, counting each lost second. You didn’t know how long too long was, five minutes? Ten?

Your hands hit something hard. Carefully you stretched a foot out too, toes brushing against a skirting board. A wall. Your heart leapt. A wall you could work with, follow until you found a doorway. The only question was left or right. You hesitated for a moment and then picked left, just because. You hoped that was the universe or something putting you on the right path, not a mistake. You held one hand against the wall as you walked, trying to remember what objects were against the walls in Ben’s lounge area. There was the TV of course and a large bookshelf. Maybe something hanging on a wall. Or did he take that down? You couldn’t quite remember. You felt more confident, steps faster now that you had something solid to follow. The wall led you to a doorway. You just had to work out which room you were in to know if you were on the right path. Tentatively, you left the wall, counting the number of steps you took so you could find your way back. Your hands waved through the air in front of you, searching for something to use as a point of reference. They landed on a smooth surface. It was large and cool. You had a suspicion of what it was, trailing your hands along it until the feeling changed. You tapped your nails on the new surface, a metallic sound reverberating around you. The sound made you smile, confirmed what you thought. It was the kitchen bench and you’d found the sink. You felt around to double check, finding first an upturned glass and then the tap, breathing a sigh of relief. You knew where you were and you knew where to go now. Finding Ben’s room shouldn’t be any trouble. You followed the bench until it met the wall and then followed the wall to the doorway. From there it was just a matter of weaving through rooms, trying not to bump into furniture. You didn’t even have to stick to the wall now that you knew which direction you were facing.

“There she is,” Ben said as you entered a doorway, “clever girl.” “Cold girl,” you shivered slightly, the chill getting to you more now that you didn’t have fear driving you ever onwards. “Think we can have you warmed up in no time,” he said, grabbing your hand and pulling you forward. “Can I take my blindfold off yet?” “Silly question, princess. Want to keep you on your toes.” Joe’s voice was closer than you’d expected, making you jump a little. He pressed a kiss to the back of your shoulder as he unhooked your bra. Ben was already sliding your panties down your legs, on his knees in front of you. You gasped when he leaned in to lick you, not expecting the sudden burst of pleasure. It was amplified by Joe, rolling your nipples between his fingers, both of them working in tandem to draw a moan from you. “Well aren’t you just dripping,” Ben mumbled against you, tongue delving back into your folds, dragging up towards your clit. “Guess it’s true what they say about fear being an aphrodisiac,” Joe chuckled, the sound sending a tingle down your spine. “Christ, guys,” you panted, dropping your hands to tangle in Ben’s hair, trying to press him closer. “Uh uh uh,” Joe tutted in your ear, grabbing your hands by the wrist and pulling them away, Ben wincing a little as you tugged on his hair. He stood back up and you felt yourself be turned around, a sharp slap landing on your backside to push you forward. You hit the bed, closer to falling onto the mattress than climbing in gracefully. But it didn’t matter. As soon as you were down you were pulled into place, Ben climbing in beside you. He still wore pants, though no shirt, your hands running over his chest, feeling his muscles move as he propped himself up on his elbow and leaned in to kiss you. You felt one arm be pulled over your head and heard a click. “Bastards!” you laughed, “Didn’t have to trick me. Would’ve happily let you cuff me. And why’d you only do one anyway?” “Well, love, since Joe was so patient watching you be a greedy little cock whore before, it’s only fair that I get to watch him fuck you. And we all know what you’re needy fucking moans do to me, so your hand is free so you can be helpful and wank me.” You clenched your thighs together, trying to block out the desire coursing through you so you could work out where Joe was. The mystery was solved when he got onto the foot of the bed, prying your legs apart and shuffling between them. You tried to squirm away as he pinched your bum but it only made him and Ben laugh. “Now, princess,” Joe said, making you twitch as he tapped his fingers against your thigh, “remember you don’t get to cum without our permission.” “I know,” “Good. Wouldn’t want to have to punish you, would we?” “I get the feeling you actually would,” The tapping turned into a slap, “naughty, might have just extended your denial.” You groaned, half in response to his threat, half because of the way it felt when he slid two fingers into you, pausing to let you get your bearings before he began to move them. “So wet, even without Ben getting a proper go at eating you out,” “You can thank me for it anyway. Been wet since she was on her knees.” Ben took your hand, crossing it over your body towards him. You heard him summon a wad of saliva before he drew his tongue along your palm and then led you to his cock. You’d missed him pulling his pants down, or off, too distracted by everything else that was happening.

Your mind whirred with the mix of sensations, trying to focus and to keep abreast of any changes around you. The ticklish fuzzy texture of the cuff around your wrist. Ben’s deep voice near your ear as he called you a good girl between breaths and pleased sighs, the feel of his cock getting harder under your hand and the warmth of having him so close beside you. Joe’s fingers pumping and out of your wet cunt, the stretch, the sound as his speed picked up, his other hand on your thigh, holding you open, slapping you every so often just to make you jolt in shock at the sound and sting of it. You tried to listen for any rustle of clothing or creak of the bed that might warn you what was to come but it was useless, every shift and adjustment taking you by surprise. Your own breath sped up as Joe fingered you, adjusting the angle of his attack to draw whimpers and gasps from you. And then the sudden emptiness as he pulled his hand away. You whined, hoping it’d make him quicker to give you more, but it didn’t work. Instead you listened as he offered his fingers, coated in your arousal, to Ben. Listened as Ben sucked them clean. Felt the wet trail as Joe wiped them across your stomach.

Your breath hitched when you felt Joe slide his cock along your pussy, your hips rising to meet him each time he nudged your clit. You must have looked desperate, judging from the way Joe chucked. He was sick of waiting but he enjoyed teasing you. Entering you slowly, letting you feel every inch of him. It gave you time to adjust to his size while still making you crave more. And then pulling your legs up over his shoulders, changing the angle ever so slightly, making you feel tighter, fuller. “You okay princess?” “Mmhmm, please just move already,” He didn’t need telling twice, holding your legs steady against him as he set a brutal pace. Once Joe sped up so did Ben. He’d kept your movements over his cock slow and steady, not wanting things to escalate too quickly, but at the sight of you writhing under Joe, moaning and panting he couldn’t help himself. He held your wrist still as he thrust up into your hand, taking control. You were glad to let him, too preoccupied with Joe pounding into you, rubbing circles on your clit. Knowing you were trapped between them, being used without knowing if you’d get to feel your own release, only turned you on more. Another thrust from Joe, particularly well timed to coincide with a very firm touch to your clit had you moaning that you were close.” “Hold it,” Joe grunted, relentless in his movements. You nodded, biting your lip, unable to form words that weren’t senseless begging. He didn’t slow down or remove his fingers from you though, and, afraid you wouldn’t be able to hold off unless he removed some of the stimulation he was giving you, you whimpered. “Please Joe, I c-can’t, I can’t,” “Can’t what, slut?” “I need to cum, please, please, please,” You thought for sure that Joe was going to stop touching you, or else you’d fall over the edge without permission, be punished and left without release for weeks. Instead you heard Ben tell you to cum, voice strained as he neared his own climax. You moaned loud as you followed his instruction, back arching off the bed and toes curling. Joe’s grip on your legs tightened as he held off his own orgasm long enough to fuck you through yours, pulling out and coating your stomach in his seed. Ben finished over your hand within seconds, gasping your name.

You were panting when you felt Ben collapse beside you, placing your cum covered hand on your stomach alongside the splatters Joe had left there. Joe stood up and uncuffed you before sagging down on your other side. “You can take the blindfold off, love,” Ben said softly as he snuggled into your side. You blinked at the sudden bright light. The first clear thing you saw was Joe smiling at you, leaning in to kiss your temple. “You okay?” “Yeah, great, just gotta catch my breath a bit,” “Ben, you good?” “Mmhmm. Give me like ten minutes and I’ll be ready to go on,” “Go on?” “Didn’t think that was all you’d get, did you?” “It isn’t?” “Ben’s convinced he wont get a wink of sleep without fucking himself, and consequently us, into exhaustion.” “Besides, you got back to the room really fast,” the blonde mumbled against you, “so if anything you earned a lot more. Like, us eating you out for hours a lot.” You couldn’t help but laugh, as your boys snuggled closer. Perhaps it was the high you were still coming down from, or the giddiness that came from knowing you’d essentially beaten the challenge they set you, or just the warm safety you felt lying between them, but whatever it was you found your heart pounding as you cleared your throat. “Hey, guys?” Both responded in wordless noises to show they were listening. “I love you. Both of you.” Your heart was in your throat, brain automatically trying to spin a way to unsay the words you’d just let slip. Their silence seemed to drag on for a thousand years as you waited breathlessly for their response. Ben moved first, though Joe wasn’t far behind, leaning over to kiss you deeply, saying the words softly back against your lips. Joe pressed a string of kisses along your jaw, kissing you properly once Ben had backed away, smiling as he said it too.

#my writing #ben hardy smut #joe mazzello smut #ben hardy x reader #joe mazzello x reader #ben hardy x reader x joe mazzello #ben hardy imagine #joe mazzello imagine #sorry it's a bit late!!#also long lmao #i wanted to flesh out the relationship #and then suddenly i was 4k words in and hadn't even got to the smut #i just really like writing fun banter and soft boys lmao #halloqueen #halloqueenevent

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kaesaaurelia · 4 years

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charades

For @whumptober2020 day 8: Where Did Everybody Go? (specifically "abandoned")

Continues on from day four, wherein Aziraphale met up with a distraught coworker, waited for Crawly at the base of the Tower of Babel, and then it fell on him, and from day five, wherein Aziraphale did his best to help the citizens of Babylon, and was caught by demons for his trouble.

Very background Aziraphale/Crowley; content warning for the aftermath of a large-scale disaster.

Hell, was... well, it was Pandemonium. Which, in and of itself was probably nothing new -- although Aziraphale was given to understand that Pandemonium was a specific place, and could well imagine a snotty Crawly saying Angel, we're nowhere near there and giving him a whole lecture on geography -- but the word had more weight to it now, for some reason. Also, Crawly couldn't have given him that lecture, because he couldn't understand her at all, and neither could anyone else, apparently. As the Legions hauled him through the corridors, they first tried to get in a long line, but they were shouted at by several other demons and waved further down the corridor, where the line stretched long into the distance. It seemed that the Legions and the other demons couldn't understand each other, and Aziraphale couldn't either, so at least they were all more or less on the same baseline level of understanding, which was to say, absolutely none. So Aziraphale and the Legions went all the way to the back of the line, waited there for some hours, or perhaps days, but when the demon at the desk appeared no closer after all that time waiting, they got bored of this, and dragged Aziraphale to some sort of holding cell, shoved him in, and left.

Some of the people in there were demons, and some appeared to be the souls of the recently deceased, but they didn't seem to understand Aziraphale either -- each approached him in turn and tried to speak to him. When they'd made this determination, one of them drew a picture of a sitting figure in the dirt floor, and they opened up a little spot for him in their circle, motioning for Aziraphale to sit. And then they did something that Aziraphale would remember for quite a long time in the midst of all the terrible things humanity did to itself. It seemed that the little group, stripped of both mutually comprehensible words and any method of escape, had begun to draw pictures at each other, and, through pictures and gestures, they asked Aziraphale what had happened and how he had come here.

And Aziraphale, though his artistic talents were, perhaps, not optimal for the task, told them. He drew the great tower above the city, and a small figure coming to meet a friend. But the friend was absent -- he smudged out his doodle of Crawly -- and so he climbed the tower, met a pregnant woman who told him to leave, and went back downstairs. Centuries later, he would remember their rapt faces as he mimed the tower collapsing on the great city, and the people screaming. And then, he explained, no one had understood him, and he'd been brought down here.

There was a long... well, the group was silent as a matter of course. But there was a long stillness in the group, and finally, the shade of one woman got his attention, and drew the tower again in the dust. But her skill in art was greater than the others', and she included details that Aziraphale's crudely-drawn version had not captured. And then she looked at him, and gestured as if to say, Was this it? Was this the tower?

Aziraphale nodded, and she wailed, before explaining -- Aziraphale thought this was what she meant -- that she had two children, and one of them lived there, in Babylon, near the tower. She drew a very detailed sketch of her son's face, and pointed at him frantically, as if to ask Aziraphale, do you know if this specific human among all of them is alive? Did you see, in the sea of panicked faces, whether he was one of them, alive? And Aziraphale could not help her. He didn't know if she knew she was dead and damned, and he hadn't been about to tell her anyway, but watching her weep on the slightly transparent shoulder of another dead human cemented that decision in his mind. He wished he could take her out of this place and help her find her son.

Eventually, conversation, such as it was, resumed in the little group. People drew jokes and stories, and though certainly not all of them really suited the media of gesture and sketch, it was a way to pass the time. But then, one by one, demons began to come to the holding cell, say something incomprehensible, and one of the people in the cell would understand. The humans tended to look relieved just to hear someone speaking a language they knew, but the demons appeared very resigned as they left, and a few pretended not to understand anyway. And eventually Aziraphale was alone in the cell, with no one to speak to or draw at, and nothing to hear but the eerie wailings of the damned, and echoes down the long, empty corridor, where Infernal business was apparently still being conducted. Perhaps he was imagining it, but a few times, Aziraphale thought he saw two yellow eyes at the other end of the corridor, but their owner never got near enough for him to see anything more than that.

[next part]

#whumptober2020 #no.8 #where did everybody go #abandoned #good omens #fic #aziraphale #text #fiction #kaesa op

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writinglionqueen · 3 years

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Twenty Questions

Tagged by: @cowboyshit thanks sweetie!! @superrezzy00 and @junglecassidy thanks guys!!

What do you prefer to be called name-wise? I like going by Bri or Brianna. Usually my family calls me Anna...or their own fun nicknames

When is your birthday? August 12th

Where do you live? I live in the town just below the city of Omaha in Nebraska

Three things you are doing right now? Doing this, worrying about life, and thinking about writing fics

Four fandoms that have peaked your interest Wrestling and that’s the most recent and......technically the only one....since I don’t interact with other fan bases like I do that one. Like....I’m a fan of small things like Youtubers and little niches of life

How has the pandemic been treating you? Well, I was in college when it first started back in March. And then my school had the fun idea of first, going online which....as someone who has a hard time focusing and retaining information through online things, it wasn’t easy. After that I had to move twice in one week because of the pandemic, I had to move from my apartment-like dorm to a small dorm by myself for 4 days then I had to move across campus into a dorm meant to house 4 people all alone and....that was a struggle. I didn’t like being alone. Then I had to move back home in August and I finished my degree....got a seasonal job at a pumpkin patch and now I’m looking to find a job now while I’m in my own place and.....gosh....a lot of things could’ve gone better this year but....it wasn’t the pandemic’s fault or anything. But a lot of stuff during the pandemic that’s happened has been such a struggle for my mental health and everything....

A song you can’t stop listening to right now? Umm....tbh WAP by Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion...like.....idk it’s been on my mind a lot lol and I tend to have like a varying list of songs ranging from like ones in kids movies I grew up with to wrestling theme songs and even the early 2000′s songs I listen to....but WAP has been on my brain no thanks to the Drew video @jazzy-tzw made

How old are you? 22!

School, university, occupation, other? I just finished my degree in animal science now I’m currently trying to find a job to make ends meet but that’s been a little tough as of late....

Do you prefer heat or cold? Cold! Because at least I can add on layers if it’s cold. I hate the heat especially since my birthday is in August and it can get up to 103 to even a 110 degree index here.

Name one fact others may not know about you Oooh....idk what people don’t know about me....but....let’s go with the fact I have a birthmark on my back that looks like a kiss mark. Is that interesting enough? lol

Are you shy? Yes! Irl, I am very shy, I won’t ask someone a question unless I know them. Once I start getting to know people though, I will be more relax and more bubbly. And mainly with my friends. But if I have to socialize with someone, I will do it.

Preferred pronouns? She/Her/Hers

Biggest pet peeves? Someone beating around the bush when I’m directly talking to them. I had an art teacher in high school and she hated a painting I was doing and apparently had hinted she hated it until the day before it was due when she pulled me aside and told me I should change my piece (basically start over) and she gave me an extra week. It...was the worst feeling because she would’ve saved me time by being upfront (and she was the reason I never wanted to pursue art because her criticism wasn’t helpful) but I hate people who aren’t upfront, especially when I’m talking to them. I also hate when....people lead me on. I’m very obvious about my feelings and I’m upfront about it when I get to it....so feeling as if someone was dragging me along for a ride only to dump me off a cliff (The feeling) isn’t fun and I hate it. And I’m annoyed by people who want to “messy” when that just entails them to be fucking petty ass people who make fun of others for trivial things but can’t stand when it’s done to them. It happens so much in this fandom and the reason I stick to the friends I have on here. The whole idea of being “messy” to them is to laugh at other people’s expense by stirring a pot and then laughing when people get rightfully upset. JS

What is your favorite “dere” type? Oh I’ve seen this before but it’s a niche thing that I don’t know much about so I can’t answer it

Rate your life from 1-10; 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be. A solid.....6 or 7. Lately my life has been pretty fucking sucky in terms of luck and in terms of disappointment. I’ve had faced so much heartache this year and pain and just major disappointments that made me afraid of some things. But in general, my past wasn’t terrible but there are moments that have happened that I won’t forget and aren’t the best....a solid 10 would mean I lived a comfortable life and....I can’t say it’s been a 10.

What’s your main blog? This one. I have 2 blogs (technically 3 since one is a backup in case I get the case of people reporting my blog for nothing again). The last one I had was basically when I used to be in the 1D fandom and this one is the only one I actually post from.

Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends? Um....I kinda...like people who won’t flake on me....I’ve had a lot of people do that in the past which is why I’m particular to that sorta thing. I have a certain way of differentiating a “friend” vs “best friends” and that distinction means so much to me....so....to betray that level of connection or even.....be offput by it (meaning the feeling isn’t as mutual [and you say it to my face]) then you won’t be a part of my life....and that’s....just how I am. I’ve had a lot of fake friends (in the sense that my friendship to them meant nothing or not even mean to treat me with like kindness or whatever) so I’m not here for that anymore.

tagging: @jazzy-tzw @kalliravenne @thatnerdwriter @flawlessglamazon @gold--gucciempress

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takerfoxx · 3 years

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Blood Island Fanfic (Pt. 2)

magic5ball submitted:

Funny how the day you post a new chapter, I finish writing this fanfic. Strange how life works out. Anyway, please let me know what you think!

. . .

From that day forward, she lived by her own terms. When she was hungry, she devoured whatever she fancied until she was fit to burst. When she was tired, she could sleep an entire week. And when she felt like exploring, well…

She could easily circle her island home twice in a day, exploring the hidden bays, reefs, lagoons that dotted the place, or just swimming with whatever school of strange sea creatures happened to be nearby. The shelled squids in particular were a favorite, if only because they made good snacks. True, there was the occasional scrape, usually against sharks who saw her as a potential morsel, but it was nothing her teeth or tail couldn’t handle.

Sometimes, she’d even try to drag herself on land, though she never went far, having seen some very fearsome, scaly monsters ashore, and was none too eager to face them where a powerful tail would not be nearly as useful.

Meanwhile, she’d started organizing the bones and shells in her grotto based on type, or just setting them as decorations at the entrance. There were so many different kinds, and she quietly wondered how so such a variety of species could all exist in one tiny slice of ocean.

As for the whale-eels, she still saw them from time to time. Now and again, she’d see one leave just as it had lain some juicy morsel at the entrance of her grotto, or she’d be hunting a school of fish and one would help her ambush prey. But they never bothered or attacked her.

Over time, she felt herself changes in herself, too.

Some were positive. Her ribs, for instance, were no longer visible through her skin, which now had a sleek, healthy appearance she quite liked. And with more frequent meals came more energy; strength: schools of fish she would have once struggled to keep up with could now be outrun a dozen times over before they escaped, and that wasn’t even going into how high she could leap into the air!

Others, were less favorable: her nails became sharp and pointed; her skin darkening to a deep cobalt blue. And her tail! Since she had arrived at this strange island, the sinuous ribbon had only become longer, fleshy fins blossoming out from it like tumors. Deep, ugly scars marked it as well, a permanent reminder of her daily run in with prey and predator alike. Even when she slept, she could feel the muscles inside pulsing, expanding, growing. She tried not to think about it. Made it hard to sleep.

You’re a monster.

Well, so what if she was?! There were so many fearsome creatures around this island that probably couldn’t care less what she looked like. For all she knew, she looked pretty good next to them! And why should she care, anyway? She was powerful! She could eat whatever she fancied! Go wherever she pleased! Sleep wherever she wanted! She liked those things, darn it, so why should she give it up because her sister who wasn’t there wanted to make her feel bad?! She was happy for once!

But still…

She had to admit there were some things she craved. That weren’t cephalopods, anyway.

As much as she adored her lavish lifestyle, there were times when she reminisced, almost got nostalgic for others of her kind. Even with all the strange creatures she shared her home with, the sea somehow seemed so vast and…empty, without someone to share it with. The whale-eels would always be there, sure, but as much as they revered her, their relationship felt professional more than anything. Just working towards a common goal sometimes. It didn’t help they never really appreciated their home, only seeing things and harmful or not harmful; predator or prey.

Fortunately for her, the island had a few more surprises in store.

. . .

It started in the evening, about five years after she had first arrived. She was combing near the shore for the flat oval crabs- this was the molting season, and they always tested their best after a new molt: a succulent middle surrounded by a tender shell with just the right amount of crunch- when she noticed an ominous pair of red lights on the beach. Her gut reaction was, of course, to flee back to the depths, but she had never seen a creature quite like this before, and curiosity, combined with confidence, goaded her on. Carefully, she slid closer and closer to the shore, until sand scraped across her belly. For a moment wondered if the source of the lights could see her, and then-

With a rustle the creature emerged from the jungle, carrying a strange object in its’ arm. It walked on two legs, but the upper half! The upper half was just like hers: two arms, a face, long black hair.

A human.

Her breath caught in her throat as she marveled at the beast before her. It seemed absurd, as if she was in a dream. Yet there the human was, in the flesh. Slowly coming toward her. Curious, maybe? She had to get closer…

. . .

The creature the mermaid called a human felt her heart beating a million miles a second. Company on this godforsaken rock! AT LAST! She would have to be careful, of course. No telling when a moment like this would come again. So, holding out one of the large, colorful fruits that grew in abundance across the island, she let loose a long, slow whistle.

Much to her relief, the mysterious girl from the sea responded, lugging herself onto the shore with what was obviously great effort. And no wonder! From head to the tip of her serpentine tail, the mermaid must have been ten feet long! Said tail was a lovely dark blue, lacking a prominent fluke but covered in rows of large, fleshy appendages, between which the skin was marked with scars and sometimes, even teeth still stuck in the flesh. But what really impressed her were the stranger’s rather, er, generous chest and hips, whose proportions made her more than a little envious…

. . .

The Mermaid was baffled as to why the human’s face had suddenly flushed a deep crimson. Had she done something wrong? Did human face usually do things like that? Such weird creatures…

. . .

The pale not-a-human marveled as the beautiful specimen before her plucked the fruit from her hand, and after a few seconds of sniffing, tore a great chunk out of its’ flesh. She sweated profusely as the mermaid chewed patiently for few minutes, then swallowed.

Tense minutes passed…

. . .

She had never tasted anything like this before: soft, juicy, with an odd flavor she could not describe in any terms other than she wanted more of it. Now!

It took all of her self-control not to inhale the rest of the fruit, taking a few moments to savor the moist flesh sliding down her throat. But just like that, it was gone. Well, except for the sticky juice still coating her fingers…

. . .

All the girl could do was try not to faint as the pretty mermaid in front of her licked fruit juice from her fingers in a fashion she could only describe as arousing. Fortunately, as excited as she was, she was able to get her mouth to open…

. . .

The mermaid listened, still casually licking the delectable juice from her fingers, noting how well it blended with the seawater, when it occurred the odd noises were the human trying to talk to her. Well, that wasn’t going to work! So she did what she did with the whale-eels, and using her index finger, drew in the sand.

It took awhile, but eventually they were able to communicate on a basic level. For her part, she told the human her story, maybe exaggerating a few parts in her favor, and for her part the human was completely enraptured. Before either knew it, the sun was rising. Just before she headed back to the sea, though, they (crudely) set a schedule to meet again the next evening. Same spot.

. . .

Things started simple, at first. Both rendezvous at their little slice of surf, bringing whatever food they thought the other would like: fruit from the ‘human’, whatever seafood looked good that day from her. She could easily outeat her friend five times over, but the ‘human’ never seemed to mind, so she wasn’t bothered either. They would draw in the sand, telling each other about the day’s adventures as best they could. She would also try to help the human with her art, something she clearly struggled with. Most of all, though, they just basked in each other’s company, happy to have someone to talk to. One day, the mermaid realized she had started styling her hair for the first time since she left her pod all those years ago. Strange, but nothing to be alarmed about. What was concerning was how she found herself staring at her friends’ body, her friend’s lean, muscular body that made her feel so self-conscious in her own. Likewise, the human admired her in such a way, so at least the feeling was mutual. Then came the hugs, and following those, quiet nights falling asleep in each other’s arms in the surf. Even on the balmiest nights, her friend was cold to the touch, so she liked cuddling up to her. It was a pretty good deal for all involved.

But something was bugging her…

She’s been on the island for years, right? Just like you. And yet, she didn’t show herself until now. WHY?

She frowned. Sister whispered to her again for the first time in ages.

Maybe she’s afraid of something. Or someone.

But why her in particular? There were plenty of terrifying beasts on the island already.

Or maybe she’s just using you to get food. Why else would she risk being around someone as ugly as-

She slammed her fist into the wall of her grotto, the sting on her knuckles knocking her back to her senses. Thin wisps of blood seeped out. Breathing heavy, she went back to organizing skulls she had recently collected, picking out one her new friend would find interesting. That night, she dreamt the ‘human’ could breathe underwater, and she could finally show off her humble abode.

. . .

That evening had started as it always had, with the two of them chatting over a wonderful meal, her friend imitating the shrieking calls of the island’s birds. But the whole time, her sister’s thoughts stuck to the back of her mind like the beach’s sand stuck to her tail. It couldn’t all be fake, could it? Regardless, she slept lightly that night, next to her friend.

Little did she know, it was the best decision she could have made.

Because that night, she sensed the soft touch of fingers on her tail, and groggily waking, she saw her dear friend holding her tail still, mouth wide open, fangs glinting in moonlight.

Seconds later, a quick flick of her tail ended it, sending the ‘human’ flying into the palm trees. A few more kicks later, she was speeding away back to her grotto.

. . .

An hour later, and her heart still threatened to beat out of her chest.

The human had fangs. She had attacked her! But how? Why?! Humans weren’t supposed to have fangs like that!

Were they?

How was she supposed to know?! She’d only heard about humans in stories! Unless…

Maybe she wasn’t quite ‘human’ after all. You’re not the only monster on this stupid island, you know…

But it couldn’t be, could it? All those nights together, showing off, drawing. All that juicy, succulent fruit…All the times her friend had gazed oh so fondly at her…

Mama did mention monsters can guise themselves as prettier things. Quite clever, they are. And it was pretty stupid of you to think yourself top predator…

Was that all it was? The thing, guised as a human, luring her in with treats, stuffing her until she was good enough to eat? It would explain why the not-a-human had always been so eager to feed her, and glared at her so longingly.

As she curled up in the corner of her grotto with only the pale-eyed fish for company, she dreamt of going ashore for an explanation.

Everything was deathly still and dark, so she went further inland, closer than she knew was safe. Just when she was almost at the trees, a million pairs of red eyes lit up. Realizing her mistake, she helplessly flopped back to a shore that had suddenly become a thousand miles away. She could only scream as a million forms lunged from the jungle, sinking sharp fangs into her tail.

For the first time in years, she missed Mama.

. . .

Meanwhile, on land, a pale figure curled into a ball rocked back and forth on the beach.

Not again. Not again. Not again.

. . .

A year later, thunder cracked, winds howled and a storm rocked the island. Rain beat the ocean’s surface in a thousand little notes. The mermaid loved nights like this, the rhythmic tune of the drops mixing with the whistle of rain to gently lull her to sleep. At least, until a large object in the distance caught her eye. Something was thrashing around in the darkness, gradually sinking, leaving a flurry of air bubbles in its’ wake.

Flotsam?

She swam over to investigate.

What she found instead, unmoving, had four limbs and blonde hair.

A human. Or was it?

For a moment she considered letting the thing drown, only to stare at its’ gorgeous face and realize she didn’t have the heart. Carefully she opened the human’s mouth to see several flat, blocky molars. So she was the real deal.

Taking the body in her arms, she swam islandward, the waves tossing her to the point where she nearly lost the girl many a time, yet still she pressed on until at last, her charge was safely on the sand.

She retreated back to her grotto after that, gently drifting off to sleep, or trying to. Thoughts of the human, alone in the storm, nagged at her conscious, until she could bear it no more and went to check on the thing. Sure enough, the human was fine. It shrieked and fled into the jungle at the sight of her.

Figured.

That, of course, was a real problem. The human would be at the mercy of her former friend, that devious not-a-human. How would she tempt this new visitor, she wondered? Fatten her up with treats, as she had tried to do with her, or something more insidious? The new human may have been an idiot, but idiocy didn’t justify being eaten. Sinking beneath the surface, she once more retreated back to her grotto, this time to plan. The not-a-human was no doubt plotting something sinister, and she was dam*ed if she was going to let it come to fruition.

Some more good stuff! I had an idea that there was some kind of relationship between the vampire and the mermaid, but I hadn’t considered making them have a falling out prior to the start of the story. It is definitely something to think about, as well as possibly explain why the vampire is so hesitant to show herself. I can’t promise that it’ll get 100% adapted, but there are some really good ideas here. I mainly had the mermaid penciled in as a minor supporting character, but honestly she could be a more active force.

Insofar as suggestions are concerned, I would say slow down when it comes to interactions and action scenes. You’re really good at fleshing out your characters with descriptions of their inner feelings, daily rituals, personality quirks, etc., but when it comes time to have the characters do things, such as being attacked by an antagonist or having a critical interaction, it can feel a little rushed.

So basically what I’m saying is to put the same amount of care and attention to detail to the payoffs as you do the buildup.

#blood island #submission

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bigskydreaming · 4 years

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This is a post about Boone aka Shrike.

I am making this post about Boone aka Shrike from Robin: Year One and later stories, solely so that reading this post on mobile will bring up “other posts like this” and show all the other posts I have made about Boone aka Shrike from Robin: Year One and other stories. LOL.

Because I’m back on my ‘people should make Boone aka Shrike and his archrivalry with Dick more of a thing’ bus.

Look, I will maintain until the day I die that Shrike has literally EVERYTHING needed to deliver on the same thematic elements people cite interest in JayDick and Sladin for....with the added bonus of....a Dick/Boone ship wouldn’t be incestuous or rely on a huge predatory age gap.

I mean, granted, it still won’t do anything for people who are into those ships purely BECAUSE of the incest or the huge predatory age gap, but I mean like, I work with what I can work with. Like I’m not even trying to change peoples’ minds there so much as just point out alternatives for anyone who just comes to those ships looking for the specific dynamic that personally I think is more real and evident with Dick and Boone than it ever will be with him and anyone else.

But really, the ONLY thing Boone needs to be serve the same narrative function is like...a higher profile, and more use of the character. I mean, some more infamy and slots in his win column wouldn’t hurt either, but you know. Whatever.

Anyway, point is, so Robin: Year One.

That was the story where Dick got hurt badly by Two-Face when he was still new to being Robin, and Bruce freaked out and fired him for the first time, also making the blunderhead move, in his freak out and new to being a parent thing, of saying it was Dick’s fault the judge had died, when Dick had literally just been trying to save Bruce’s life.

So Dick figures if he can’t be Robin, there’s no point to him being there, since Bruce doesn’t want or need a son (take that stories that act like Dick even at age 10 or 11 wasn’t already secretly hoping to be adopted). So Dick ran away and stayed on the streets where he took down Mr. Freeze all on his own, and in doing so drew the attention of something called The Vengeance Academy.

This was run by a guy named Shrike, who had some of his men snatch Dick off the streets after he caught their eye by taking on Mr. Freeze, and brought to the Vengeance Academy. It was a front for the League of Assassins, a place in Gotham where they trained kids as assassins and vetted their potential for being taken to the League itself for training.

Attendance was not elective, lol, it wasn’t like they asked Dick or any of these kids if they wanted to join, but most of them had nowhere else to go, so like Dick, they stayed and trained and went on missions Shrike assigned them as part of their training.

One of these other kids was named Boone, and he had something of a leadership role among the other kids, and was at times almost friendly with Dick and at other times saw him as a rival because of Dick’s own skills. And when they went out on missions, like, Dick stopped the other kids from killing some guards after they’d knocked them out, which pissed off Boone because it was Dick undermining his position as leader in the other kids’ eyes, especially when Shrike validated Dick’s decision when they returned to the Academy, by saying they should never kill people they aren’t getting paid to kill, as its a waste of their skills.

So like, point being, the two of them had HUGE potential for the kind of dynamic Dick and Jason are often characterized with, where they have mutual respect but are mutually vying for the approval of the same figures.

Anyway, after a few months (R:Y1 was vague on the timelines but was clear about the fact that Dick was at the VA for at least a few months, with captions like ‘weeks passed’ etc)....Dick eventually manages to sneak off long enough to sneak into the Batcave and leave a note for Bruce about the Vengeance Academy, what its up to, where to find it, etc. But Dick still goes back, rather than wait for Bruce himself, because he still doesn’t think Bruce wants him anymore.

Eventually, Shrike happens to get hired to take out Two-Face, and of course happens to assign Boone and Dick as the leads to conduct that assassination. They and the other boys break into Two-Face’s mansion, Dick’s literally holding a gun on Harvey and having flashbacks to Two-Face beating him almost to death and Bruce firing him in the aftermath and everything that’s happened since then....but at the last minute, Dick decides he won’t do it, throws the gun away instead, and as Two-Face’s guards all burst in, the boys all run.

But then back at Vengeance Academy, they of course all tell Shrike what happened, and Shrike just starts beating on Dick, shouting how ungrateful he is, etc, etc, what a waste of time and effort he’s turned out to be....and that’s when Bruce arrives, takes on Shrike’s men, etc.

In the confusion, Shrike slips away, and then at some point, he and Dick end up facing across from each other on a rafter high up by the ceiling...where Shrike figures out that Dick is the one who alerted Batman and starts in on him again, but Dick defends himself....and that’s when Two-Face and his men burst in, having tracked them somehow, and in that ensuing commotion, someone shoots Shrike, he falls from the rafter and ends up impaled on some rebar on the floor or something like that.

Which is where Boone finds him, as he lays there dying, and Boone’s shown being considerably distressed, because he’d been there a lot longer than Dick and had been shown to be significantly attached to Shrike and viewing him as a father figure he was desperate to prove himself to, unlike Dick who was there because he felt he didn’t have a choice or anywhere else to go.

And of course Dick goes back with Bruce, who tells him how much he’s missed him and of course he wants him and is sorry for everything he said and did, they reconcile, Dick becomes Robin again, etc. The very last two pages of the mini end with Dick being introduced to Barbara for the first time by the Commissioner, when she’s on the roof with him while he’s talking with Batman and Robin....but also, Talia comes to survey the remains of Vengeance Academy, since it was League-affiliated...and takes Boone with her back to the League for further training.

Eventually, Boone grows up to take the name Shrike for himself, in honor of his former teacher, and he’s OBSESSED with avenging the original Shrike by killing Nightwing, who he knows is his former classmate, due to Robin then Nightwing’s style of fighting, and his penchant for using escrima sticks.

(Interestingly, Dick only started using escrima sticks as his signature weapon in his first solo Nightwing title, with this stemming from Chuck Dixon’s writing him doing so....and Dixon also wrote R:Y1, which is where he then established that Vengeance Academy is where Dick first learned to use escrima sticks and gained a preference for them. So its always been kinda fascinating to me that Dick’s had his skills with those since literally his very first year as Robin....BUT then never used them as Robin, while Batman’s partner....but after becoming Nightwing and moving to Bludhaven, for whatever reason returned to using those particular weapons and making them his signature).

Anyway, point is, Boone calls Dick Freddy, because that was what he knew him as when they were kids....after he ran away, Dick started using the alias Freddy Lloyd. Lloyd was his mother’s maiden name, and I used to think Freddy was a reference to Alfred, but only recently realized that its actually Dick’s dad’s middle name.

So Shrike was brought back in the Nightwing solo title as a recurring enemy of Dick’s, with varying degrees of effectiveness. In later years, he was kinda made into a joke and not treated as much of a threat, but for awhile there, he was characterized as very much being a threat to Dick, and at a similar level skill wise, thanks to his own extensive League training. He captured Dick in their first encounter in Bludhaven, where he then tried to figure out Dick’s real identity by running his fingerprints and DNA (though Babs was able to intercept his attempt to run those through the system and replace the findings with a fake profile). He also even managed to defeat Dinah, though as much by trickery as straight out and out fighting...but still, Dinah’s one of THE top hand to hand combatants in the DC universe so, not exactly a small feat. He also faced off with Tim and Cass at one point, while they were Batgirl and Robin, and though he defeated Tim relatively easily (this was still fairly early in Tim’s career as Robin though), he ultimately lost to Cass. But again, who doesn’t lose to Cass, y’know?

So I mean, he definitely has skills and is a credible threat. Dick beat him after Dinah and Babs rescued him from Boone that first time, and Boone ended up in Bludhaven’s prison.....but then escaped and was later hired by Blockbuster as one of the assassins gunning for Dick. He and Dick had one more epic fight as one of the final elements of the Blockbuster arc, but by this time Dick was channeling so much rage when he went after Blockbuster at his mansion, where Shrike was lying in wait, that Dick pretty much just kicked Boone’s ass up and down the street and around the corner and left him chained up to a flagpole.

Like, I’m pretty sure that fight is what’s made later writers deem him not as high caliber a fight or threat as he later was referenced as being, but that wasn’t really the point of that fight, lol. How handily Dick kicked his ass there was in context clearly meant to read as just how fucking enraged Dick was at this point, due to Blockbuster’s campaign against him, and how much Dick’s OWN threat level went through the roof when he allowed himself to use that degree of anger while fighting Boone, rather than repress it. It was very much a “you’re only in my league when I’m afraid to go full throttle, when I take the safeties off though its no contest” kinda thing.

But anyway, he didn’t get used much again pre-Flashpoint, and hasn’t made an appearance since, to my knowledge, but using pre-Flashpoint based settings or continuities....Boone’s very much a credible threat to Dick, has a ton of history with him, and a huge ax to grind with their last encounter having him vow that this wasn’t over between them.

And like the thing is, its not just about getting revenge against Dick because he blames him for the original Shrike’s death. Like, its very much a rivalry that stems back to before the first Shrike died. Boone has pretty much always been shown to desperately want, need to be better than Dick, that’s what keeps him coming back and that’s what he really holds against Dick and always has...and its not just their skills, its that Dick’s a hero, that they ultimately came from the same place but Dick’s loved and revered for his skills and choices while Boone has nothing and no one, and insists its because Dick took away the only person Boone ever had....though the reality that both of them are probably perfectly aware of is that Shrike never actually gave a damn for any of the kids he trained, even if he showed favor to Dick and Boone in particular. But Shrike for a time made Boone feel special, made him feel like he had a place and a purpose, and its clear he’s never really found anything like that ever again....and really, he never had it at Vengeance Academy either, but he’s been able to romanticize it in his own mind and memories as being otherwise.

Whereas for Dick....this relationship always had so much more potential than anyone ever truly delved into, but the basic material and hints were always there. My read of them was always that for Dick, Boone kind of embodied the idea of being his own dark mirror....he was an example of what Dick could have been, if he’d embraced VA and Shrike the way Boone had, out of a lack of options, instead of returning with Bruce and giving him another chance, and Bruce taking another chance on Dick.

In a lot of ways, R:Y1 - even though its events only happened because of shit Bruce never should have laid on Dick, driving him away in the first place....looked at through the eyes of a ten year old Dick Grayson who’d in the span of a couple years gone from losing his former circus home and parents, to juvie (Dixon wrote both R:Y1 and the Robin origin that had Dick go to juvie, so that was the specific context for all stories related to Shrike), to Wayne Manor, where he ultimately became Robin....and after not even a full year as Robin.....Dick then ended up on the streets and then spending months training at a facility for orphans and street kids to be made assassins....before ultimately returning to Wayne Manor, Bruce and being Robin.....

Like, its easy to see how to Dick, all of this probably looked almost like Bruce had saved him from worse circumstances and his own worse nature not once, but twice....even if the second time could have been avoided. The point is though, I don’t think Dick ever forgot his time there, his own desperate need for Shrike’s approval (and he did very much want it while he was there....he was hurting, he’d gotten used to having an adult who cared about him again, and with him feeling like Bruce had rejected him and in doing so taken away all the approval he’d given him previously, make no mistake, Dick very much DID desperately want an authority figure’s approval, and his rivalry with Boone WAS a two-way street.

Dick perhaps wanted Boone’s friendship a little more than the other way around, I’d wager, given that Dick’s a more social, friendly person by nature, he wants to get along with people....but VA was a very definitively dog eat dog kind of place and Dick did not seem above reveling in the scraps of approval Shrike threw him at times like the mission he and Boone fought about, even though he knew how much it dug at Boone to see himself knocked down a peg by their teacher with the latter then praising Dick at the same time.

So my point being...I don’t think Dick’s ever forgotten his time at VA, or what he felt like while living there.....how close he came to shooting Two-Face in revenge for all that he blamed Two-Face for costing him....as well as remembering that for awhile, he and Boone very much were a kind of friends, even if they never were like say, he was with the Titans (who he’d yet to meet at this point in the timeline). Like, I’d characterize the two of them as one of those things where they probably wouldn’t have been friends under other circumstances, or even call themselves friends, but it was more they were the only ones who displayed having any kind of connection to each other, at a time and place in their lives where they didn’t really have anyone else.

So all of that added up, yeah, to me, Boone in Dick’s eyes is a kind of regret, and road not taken. He’s what Dick could have been if Dick didn’t have Bruce in his corner...if he, like Boone, hadn’t had anyone BUT Shrike. Dick likely can easily look at Boone and see what his life might have turned out like if he HAD shot Two-Face that night, because I don’t think Dick would ever believe there’s any way Bruce would have taken him back after that....meaning that he really WOULD have had nowhere else to go at that point...and thus easily could have ended up continuing at VA or even going to the League with Boone and Talia.

And because of all of that, my read on Dick’s attitude towards Boone was always that....its a blend of defensive antagonism and also some guilt and romanticized nostalgia. Dick’s defensive in response to Boone’s antagonism, because he isn’t to blame for Shrike’s death and knows it, just as he knows he’s not really worth mourning and didn’t care about either of them....but Dick’s ALSO defensive because every time Boone hurls an accusation at him about how Dick’s not any better than him - not skill wise, but as people - Dick, IMO, ABSOLUTELY AGREES AND BELIEVES THE SAME. The flip side of the coin that is seeing Boone as what he could have been....is that he himself then, is perhaps what BOONE could have been, if Boone had been the one to get the opportunities that Dick had.

And THAT, I think, is the source of the weird almost guilt that Dick has occasionally had in regards to Boone...this belief that he isn’t innately any better than his one-time sorta friend, and that he’s not any innately more deserving of the opportunities he got via Bruce, and that Boone never was afforded. That with someone in his corner, rather than just seeking to exploit him, Boone could have been every bit the hero Dick grew up to be. That he really did have someone who loved and cared for him, in Bruce, while Boone only has his desperate, misguided belief that Shrike felt the same about him, because there was nobody else to even point to as a possibility for that. I think when Dick thinks of Boone, there’s always this kinda hazy ‘what if’ where he idly wonders what if he could have convinced Boone that Shrike’s death wasn’t his fault, or that Shrike didn’t care about them...and got Boone to come with him, or got Bruce to find Boone. What if he’d tried reaching out to Bruce about VA earlier, or not avoided him so long, and Bruce had been able to come earlier, when there was a chance that other boys besides just Dick could have been ‘saved’ from the life Shrike tried to convince them was the ONLY life path where they’d have any power or influence, where they’d ever matter, at all.

So...I just think there’s so so so so many possibilities with this largely untouched little corner of Dick’s history, and this one specific character it intersected with, and hardly has ever been followed up on. Boone and Dick have just soooooooo much potential to have the intense, emotionally charge love/hate kind of rivalry between a hero and villain or even just mercenary or antihero, that Dick’s so often characterized as having with Slade or Jason.....

But the thing is, here? There’s no need to invent or embellish antagonism between Dick and someone else, the way fandom’s largely made up the iconic antagonism between Dick and Jay. The antagonism is very much real, between Dick and Boone, very much understandable, and most importantly, very much MUTUAL. It exists on Dick’s part every bit as much as Boone’s....Dick was almost kinda gleeful about kicking Boone’s ass that first time in Bludhaven and coming out on top, in a way that he rarely is in his victories....because its very easy to see how these two could easily slip back into a familiar rivalry and desire to one-up each other, the way they had as desperate, emotionally neglected children. Dick has the potential to be PETTY with Boone in a way that people WANT to write him being with others where he’s just NOT and likely never would be, because Dick’s someone who’s aware of how others perceive him, and privileges he has that others don’t, and stuff like that....all of that plays into why Dick so often tries so hard and intently to be his best self with people even when he’d rather not be.

But with Boone, you can potentially throw all that out the window, due to the very precise nature of when and where in their lives that Boone and Dick had their short term but very emotionally impactful pseudo-friendship and early rivalry. Because even if Dick feels a little guilty for getting the life he did and that Boone didn’t - that’s not his FAULT, and he does know that too, just as he knows he’s not to blame for the things Boone resents him for.....and even if part of Dick probably feels a little sorry for Boone, he also knows that doesn’t mean that Boone hasn’t made his own choices and there comes a point where its put up or shut up time, and you can keep blaming anyone and everyone for your life or you can look around and acknowledge that here and now, nobody is holding a gun to Boone’s head and saying you have to kill people, you have to fight Dick for this and this reason....and so on that front, Dick can more willingly and without guilt push back against his own feelings of guilt and pity and let out his own pettiness and resentments for Boone having made him into this scapegoat.

All of which makes for a perfect storm of emotionally charged interactions any and every encounter between these two highly skilled individuals with equally extensive lifetimes of training under their belts....all against a backdrop of mingled resentment, nostalgia, and squandered potential brotherhood thanks to this bubble in time from both their childhoods where they were briefly friends, brothers in arms, rivals, and both everything the other had and everything the other never became or ever wanted to be.

With the cherry on top being that Boone is literally the ONLY LIVING PERSON IN THE WORLD....who has knowledge or awareness of the ten or eleven year old Dick Grayson was at one of the darkest periods of his life, where he believed himself completely alone and unloved and with NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE. Meaning that when Boone - and Boone alone - says he knows Dick in a way that nobody else does or ever could, even BRUCE, that he knows a side of Dick that nobody else will ever be privy to, that tiny sliver of Dick Grayson that stood over Two-Face’s trembling body with a gun and had the POTENTIAL to pull the trigger.....

He is absolutely and one hundred percent correct.

Like...you can’t TELL me that’s not good stuff.

Also, I’ve just always loved that trope where one person refers to someone by a name NOBODY else knows them as....with that name having meaning to the two of them alone.

Like to Boone....Dick is Freddy Lloyd. He knows that’s not Dick’s name, he always knew that, just like Boone probably isn’t his.....but the person Boone knew was named Freddy Lloyd, and that person was real, even if nobody else has ever truly known “Freddy” because that’s not who Dick has ever been to them, or who he’s been AROUND them. Boone might not know Dick’s actual real name and where to find him in the phone book, but he’s known from day one that Nightwing’s secret identity is Freddy Lloyd, like he knew instantly from seeing Nightwing fight with a pair of escrima sticks that the person under the mask was his old friend Freddy, and that Nightwing used to be the first Robin which means Robin was Freddy too. He lived with him for months, neither of them wearing masks, he would recognize him if they passed on the street.

(Although with this point, its why I’ve personally always been kind of dubious about the plot point of having Boone try so hard to figure out Dick’s real identity....like, honestly, that story point doesn’t really hold up. Boone SHOULD be able to identify Dick as easily as he identified Nightwing. Dick Grayson, ward and eventual adopted son of Bruce Wayne, has been a HIGHLY visible individual at various points in his life.

I can easily believe that Bruce invested considerable effort in keeping Dick out of the public eye when Dick first came to live with him and was still adjusting and recovering - in fact, given that all of this is in context with the juvie origin, I’ve always headcanoned that Bruce probably spared no expense in covering up Dick’s time there as much as possible, so he wouldn’t be bombarded with additional stigma from people misconstruing that, and with more than enough evidence against the state for fucking up so badly with Dick there, he could have slapped any official evidence of Dick’s time there with so many gag orders nobody felt safe breathing a word about it.

All of which is to say, its very plausible to me that Dick wasn’t publicly recognizable by the time he ran away during Robin: Year One, and Bruce certainly wouldn’t have advertised that, and who knows what strings he had to pull or things he had to fake to keep CPS off his back until he found Dick, out of fear that otherwise, people would take Dick away once he did get him back. So I can imagine Freddy not being recognized by Shrike or Boone while he was with them. What I can’t imagine is Boone never turning on the TV or reading an article about Bruce Wayne and family in years after that, and ever once thinking to himself that Dick looks JUST like his old friend Freddy...and once you have that thought as a starting point, it SHOULD definitely be possible to dig a little deeper and find out stuff that confirms it, like the timelines of Dick coming to live with Bruce versus being mysteriously unavailable or out of sight anywhere, until just after the fall of Vengeance Academy, etc. But yeah. My point is, I maintain that Boone absolutely knows that Nightwing is Freddy is Dick and that particular plot point is dumb.)

Anyway, my point with that tangent is like....imagine Boone and Dick tangling at various points over the years, both equally determined and invested in coming out on top....with many of these encounters happening at times Dick is away from his family, like when he was living in Bludhaven....

But inevitably, they’re bound to clash in full view of the Batfamily, who bear witness for the first time to this unleashed side of Dick NONE of them have ever seen, never even imagined him acting like this, holding this....grudge against someone with a seemingly equivalent grudge and none of them can really account for why. Imagine their reactions to hearing Boone casually call Dick “Freddy” and like...this means something to Dick, he’s not surprised by it, but he’s not treating it like its some alias from a random undercover op, like, its like he IS Freddy, like its his own name, but at the same time...who the fuck is Freddy? They all want to know. Even Bruce might have trouble placing Boone or his connection to Dick at first, because there’s no reason he would have ever found out the alias Dick went by at the time, if Dick never felt a reason to tell him.

Imagine the truth of where and when and how Boone and Dick are connected slowly unfolding (to my recollection, in the comics I don’t think he ever even told Babs the full story, even after she and Dinah saved him from Boone....just a few terse references, from what I remember, and again....according to the same writer to write all of these various connected stories....Boone actually knew Dick BEFORE Babs even met him for the first time as either Dick Grayson OR Robin).

Its entirely possible the rest of the family doesn’t even know any of R:Y1 happened. Sure, I think they all know the basics of Two-Face beating Dick almost to death when he’d only been Robin a short time, but do they know that Bruce fired him then? That Dick ran away to live on the streets and then ended up being trained as an assassin for months by a League-affiliated supervillain? I’d doubt it, because who would tell them? I can’t imagine its a time or a part of his life Dick wants to volunteer to anyone, and Bruce probably still feels guilty so I doubt he’d ever volunteer that information. And Alfred I imagine would feel its not his place to be the one to drop that info on any of the others without Bruce or Dick’s say-so.

Like sure, Bruce has files on all of that time, probably, but even with their hacking prowess, would even Babs or Tim have had time to hunt down and go through every single file Bruce has ever created....especially ones he might have tucked away for being particularly sensitive or private, and how do even the best hackers guarantee hunting down files they don’t even know they’re looking for? For that matter, it strikes me that as much as we tend to make a fanon trope out of Babs or Tim knowing everything about everyone because they can access any file, even hidden or locked ones...that IS intrusive and there’s plenty of old files about Bruce or Dick they probably never looked at because there’s a point where that’s none of their business, like if its not an official case they need info for, they should be asking directly, not snooping behind closed doors.

So....its entirely likely, the more I think about it, that all of this would be a family secret that would be an utter revelation to most of them in its entirety.

And you think there’s potential for resentment between Dick and Boone.....imagine throwing the family into it, and how Dick’s brothers and sister feel about this mercenary and assassin who claims to know more about their brother than they do, know him better than any of them ever have....and think, from a certain angle....oh fuck, he’s actually not entirely wrong?

Just.

More Boone. More Shrike. More Vengeance Academy.

THERE IS SO MUCH UNTAPPED POTENTIAL THERE, UGGGGGGGH.

Also also also: I present to you - in context of all of the above - the possibility of magical body or life swapping stories a la Freaky Friday??? Like....UMMM COULD YOU IMAGINE??!!!

#boone aka shrike

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therandomfics · 4 years

Text

Three Days: 2

The sound of the shower starting drew you from your slumber and dropped you back into the bitter reality of what was happening. For a moment you were disoriented - had it really happened that way? But within a few moments, you’d rolled over and checked your phone to see the myriad of missed calls and text messages with condolences and prayer promises.

Sonny poked his head out of the bathroom and offered you a half smile. “Good morning, beautiful. Come join me?”

You nodded meekly and padded over to him, embracing his half clothed form. Pressing your face against his bare chest, you sighed heavily and squeezed him close to you. “We have a lot to get done today. Aunt Judy doesn’t want us wasting any time.”

He kissed the top of your head and pulled you into the bathroom, shutting the door behind you. “Let’s take it one step at a time.”

The halls of Mass Gen were quiet, surprisingly, for such a depressing ward. Your father’s room was midway down the hall, and the door was wide open as you approached. Your eyes fell upon your father as you saw his fragile existence, barely holding on to what was left of his life.

“Oh Dad,” you said with a shaky sigh, closing the gap between you and placing your hand on his. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you were sick.”

“He didn’t, either,” your brother promised you, hovering in the doorway.

Sonny stood a few feet away from you, hands in his pockets awkwardly. Surely he was out of place. He dealt with murder and assault all the time, but seeing his father in law on his death bed was a new type of trauma for the seasoned detective turned lawyer.

“What’s happened to him?” you asked, barely looking up as a nurse entered the room and checked vitals, jotting notes on the tablet that was your father’s chart.

She sighed. “Your father’s been diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer.”

“What kind?” you inquired, brushing your finger over the back of your father’s hand.

“Lung,” she explained, gesturing to the oxygen that your father was currently depending on to survive. “He came in yesterday complaining about breathing concerns and once the doctor took a closer look, we could only confirm the worst. I’m so sorry for your trouble.” The nurse nodded with a frown and left the room, leaving you alone with your thoughts at your father’s bedside.

“I wish I would have known, I could have moved back here and taken care of you, Dad. I would have done anything. Maybe there’s still a chance, though? They’re not always right, and you’re a fighter. Maybe it’s just a misdiagnosis?” you wondered aloud, tears welling in your eyes.

As you dabbed at your eyes with the back of your hand, you felt the air in the room change. Suddenly, there was noise that filled the room, rushing of nurses and doctors screaming for you and your family to leave the room, physically pushing you out of the way. You collided with your brother and tumbled out of the way, finding yourself in the hall with Sonny finally emerging from the room.

Several long minutes passed as you heard the calls for “clear” and “more oxygen” from the hallway. You slumped down against the wall and sat on the floor, pulling your knees close to your chest, trying to disappear from the hospital and back to a place that wasn’t full of misery.

“Y/N,” you heard Sonny saying, realizing the silence was back and the overbearing noise of resuscitation was gone.

You shook your head and pushed yourself up to your feet, refusing to hear whatever awful news that Sonny was about to give you. Your brother reached out to grab your arm but you shrugged him away, marching straight into your father’s hospital room.

It was too late.

“I know that we have a lot to do today, but I want to make sure that you eat. Your brother was telling me about a place a few blocks down that opened up recently. Let’s go there, then we can meet up with everyone else,” Sonny was saying, washing his hair with his head tipped back and his eyes closed.

“That’s a good idea.” You washed off the remainder of the soap on your body and then kissed his jaw. “You’re the best thing in the world to ever happen to me.”

“Mutual,” he said with a small shrug, stepping back as you pulled the curtain to get out of the shower.

Over a breakfast of blueberry pancakes and coffee, you mapped the day out with Sonny. After breakfast, you’d head back to your father’s home, where everyone would be waiting. His last wishes were to be buried at his family plot, with a simple service that highlighted his life’s accomplishments and how proud he was of his children and grandchildren. After coordinating and contacting the funeral home, you’d have to order flowers, plan the meal situation for the service, and make sure that you met with your father’s lawyer to confirm any final details regarding his burial.

It was a lot, you had to admit, but knowing that Sonny was there made things seem so much more simple.

As you sat at a window table with your husband, you couldn’t help but thank God that you’d been given the best gift in the world. In between bites he caught you staring and reached out to grasp your hand in his. “It’s gonna be alright. I’m here. We’re gonna get through this together.”

When you walked back into your father’s house, you were immediately greeted by two rambunctious and excited little boys - your nephews. They embraced you and spoke over one another trying to get the most of your attention as possible, that is until they saw Sonny. They ran to him and jumped into his arms, hugging him and starting the process all over. Your sister in law came around the corner and folded her arms, crossly observing her children’s behavior.

“Let them be happy. Someone needs to be,” you said, lips pulling into a frown.

“Well, they’re my kids, so I think I get the final say in how they’re raised,” she retorted and yelled at her children to get down and go back to the living room. “They need to learn their place. They’ve been getting on my nerves all day and there isn’t a single thing for them to do in this house.”

“Yeah. Kinda like my Dad didn’t have any young children living here, so he decorated how he saw fit.” You shrugged and brushed past her, heading into the living room where the rest of your family was stationed.

“Sonny and I will handle food and flowers,” you announced and stood in the doorway to the living room. Sonny came to stand beside you and smiled at your family, the family that he’d only met once at the wedding. “I really appreciate you all coming together for this. Aunt Judy, I know that due to your health concerns you’d like this as orderly and speedy as possible. I respect that. So I’d like to finalize plans today. Dad will be prepared for burial by tomorrow, so I’d like to make sure that we respect each other’s time and do this together, efficiently.”

“We’ll get with the funeral home,” your brother offered, glancing at his wife who merely shrugged. “Dad already had everything paid for and picked out, so we just need to confirm that they’ll be able to accommodate us.”

“Great. You guys are more than welcome to stay here and visit with one another. We’re going to go ahead and get started on everything.” You felt Sonny place his hand on the small of your back and guide you closer to him, where you naturally fit under his shoulder.

“Thank you guys for being here. I know it means a lot to Y/N and myself. I left my cell number on the fridge if you guys need anything while we’re out,” he concluded, and gently but confidently guided you from the living room and back towards the entrance to the house.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” he asked, cupping your chin in his hand to bring your gaze back to his eyes.

You nodded and met his eyes. “I’ve gotta get it done.”

He leaned in and pressed his lips to yours for a long moment. “At anytime you need a break, you tell me. You don’t have to do it all.”

“I know, thank you. Let’s get as much done as possible. I love my Dad but I’m tired of being in Boston already,” you complained and pulled away from him to leave the house.

Flowers ordered. Check. Food to feed up to 50 people. Check. Meeting with your father’s lawyer to ensure that his final wishes were being met. Check.

The only thing left was to get with your brother to see if he had secured a time for the services.

On the drive back from the North Shore, you stared out the window and fought the urge to break down. Why was there never enough time to grieve? Why was it so sudden? Could you really ever honestly be prepared, even if you knew someone was going to die at a certain time? What would happen when Sonny died? What if you died first, would Sonny be okay? You wanted Sonny to die first so that he wouldn’t have to go through the suffering of losing you and living alone. Try as you might, you found yourself sniffling on the ride back home.

“Where’d your mind take you?” Sonny asked as he turned onto the street lined with brownstones that your father had called home for so many years.

“I don’t you to die, but I’d rather you go first so that you don’t have to live without me,” you explained and wiped the tears from your face.

“If you go first, I’ll never get remarried,” he promised, parking the car and killing the engine. “Come inside with me. I’ll make you some tea, and we can watch Tom and Jerry. Your brother told me that you and your Dad watched it a lot together when you were little. Let’s relive some good memories, huh?”

“Dad also used to make me grilled cheese sandwiches....” you trailed off and looked at him with a mischievous smile.

“Alright,” he replied and opened the car door. “But only if you’re good.”

#detective sonny carisi #sonny carisi fanfic #sonny carisi #sonny x reader #svu fanficiton

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