#That's a conflict for sure that alters her credibility too | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sunflouwerhabit · 6 months

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hii! it's me again! (i'm thinking of getting a patent for this phrase ahaha)

1st I'm very glad that my messages make you happy there's a lot of care into them AND your writing makes ME very happy so, feels like a fair trade.

2nd SOTB IS SO ROMANTIC LIKE!!! I love how she combines a more mystical/ethereal view of love to a very mundane and domestic side of it <3 Also I agree very much, love the version with more lana, I think it really suits her voice.

3rd omg which other album would make your top three??? this is now a very serious question. And also, COWBOY LIKE ME AU WHENNN.

4th IT WAS LOUIS' HATER ERA BUT I LOVE IT SOOOOO MUCH. I love him throughout the whole fic tbh, I think sometimes authors when writing ""enemies"" to lovers (i mean are they really enemies if Harry was in love with him FOR MONTHS 💀) either make the first conflict too harsh or then make characters' reaction not proportionate at all with the event itself but I think that Louis' behavior in yours was so credible, I really really loved dtl.

5th I WANT TO GO. I live in europe sooo I thought I had already gotten over my "I wanna live in the USA when I grow up 😍" era, but reading your descriptions of Cleveland made me want to AT LEAST go there to visit it.

6th OK SO. I HAVE STARTED THE INNINGS. IN FACT, I'VE READ ALMOST ALL OF THEM. I think the next one is the tenth. I'm trying to save them because I usually read really fast (I read write this down in like... two days........) but I've been struggling with finding new fics (if you have any recommendations plz do tell) and I'm not ready to finish the innings because then I won't have any ""new dtl content" for when I'm really struggling with finding something to read before bed. so. yeah. who knows. in a month I've read 10 innings so it probably won't last much longer ahahah BUT I'M LOVING IT SO SO MUCH. I could probably give you a review on each of the innings and explain why I loved every single one of them but I reckon that would make a too long of tumblr ask so... I won't ❤️ but I will say that I LOVE HARRY SO MUCH. like I love dtl louis in the sense of: I would love to be his friend, I would love to hang out with him. HARRY THOUGH??? He's like: COMFORT CHARACTER. I KNOW I ALREADY SAID THIS BEFOFE BUT HE REALLY IS. THE FIRST INNING??????? KNOWING HIS INNER THOUGHTS????? like. I can't. I CANT. Don't think I'll survive dtl (harry's version) :)))

(also!!!! I didn't know anything about baseball before I read dtl and I thought it would be good to have a mere idea of the game before starting the fic so I spent approximately 3 hours on youtube watching videos like "how to play baseball (BASICS)" or "how to play baseball (BASICS (FOR EUROPEANS WHO HAVE NEVER WATCHED A GAME))", just kidding this last one didn't exist. BUT IT SHOULD. It would've been helpful. Anyway rn I still haven't started supporting a team (bc honestly I get very overwhelmed with the amount of games and since my knowledge of RL baseball is close to 0 I'm not sure how I'm supposed to watch it or how do people usually follow the season) BUT I WILL SAY THAT I DONT THINK I COULD EVER SUPPORT THE CUBS. Just bc in my mind they're forever meanies and I just can't. So thanks for that!!!!!)

7th IM SO EXCITED TO SEE WHAT YOU HAVE PREPARED FOR THEM. I SWEAR TIS THE DAMN SEASON AND I'VE STARTED LISTENING TO EVERMORE AGAIN AND I REALLY FEEL THE SUDDEN NEED TO REREAD WRITE THIS DOWN. but I think I'm going to save it for christmas cause I think it will be sooo comforting because HOLIDAYS. So, until then I'll just listen to evermore and think about them.

8th whiiiiich brings me to the point of this whole ask! I watched the eras tour film today and when it got to champagne problems all I could think about was liam. Like my friends were crying (we're all very devoted Taylor/Louis/Harry fans) and I was thinking about the fact that Liam did buy champagne. In your fic. Honestly I was thinking about them the whole time. So yeah, you have officially altered the way I perceive evermore, thank you so much.

9th (bc 9 innings) have you been to the eras tour? or have you watched the film?? If no to both YOU NEED TO WATCH THE FILM as soon as it's available!!! it's so good!! If yes to both, what did you think of it? If yes to one of them and no to other, plz do ramble about it, I'd love to hear (read) your thoughts.

ANYWAY this is once again VERY long. IM SORRY! I hope you have a great weekend AND THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS BEING SO SWEET AND TALKATIVE IN YOUR REPLIES!!! 💓 I LOVE YOU!!!! :)

HIIIIIIIIIIIII <33333 i am back to answer after a bit of a hiatus :-)))) ((writing took over my LIFE this past month. i am so behind in EVERYTHING 😭♥️)) but omg anyway i am BACK!!

stoppppp i love the idea of a tradeoff between my stories and these comments??? that is simply??? so cute i will sob :'))))

I LOVEEEEEEEEEEE YOUR ANALYSIS OF SOTB S O MUCH!!!! like the juxtaposition between the sheer impractical allure of it all to how NORMAL life becomes between two long term partners??? sahhsldfjsfsf i think that's why i love the line "my flight was awful thanks for asking" sO MUCH like UGH

OOOOOOO i loveeeeeeee this question! so my top three taylor albums are: evermore, speak now (taylor's version), and folklore!!!! i love every album she has ever released, but those 3 are so special to meeee

LOUIS THE HATER <3 love him sm. he's so perfect and so unserious sjflsdfjsdjfsf but i also have those same reservations with enemies to lovers so i am so happy to know down the line still felt realistic!!! i LOVE tropes when it's enemies to lovers on the surface, but it's so obvious that only one takes the rivalry seriously sdfjksdfjsf and writing smitten harry always makes me so happy!!!

and AHHHHHHHHH i am so happy to be of service with that particular mission:'))))))))) i can attest to cleveland being a wonderful place to visit, if it's possible <3333 i have been to europe once but would love to see more countries and cities in the future!!!!!

AND AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! THE EXTRA INNINGS!!!!!! i love that you are trying to read them slower (reading write this down in two days is SO IMPRESSIVE i CANT). it also makes me giggle because i am pretty sure this ask was sent in before innings 13-15 were published, so!!!!! i hope you enjoyed those three monsters (writing those was.... a lot hajlfasjfsdlf). i need to make a fic rec list sooooooon! i have so many! my favorite fic of all time is mine would be you by crinkle-eyed-boo! :-) but AHHHHHHH i am so so so happy you love down the line harry so much! i simply want my own personal dtl harry???? like where can i find one of him???? he's just a baby????? :'))))))) i love everyone in dtl but he's just so special i aDORE HIM <3333 but also ALSO ALSO i am giggling at all the effort you put into learning about baseball!!! i love the dedication!!!!! ((a video for europeans especially is such a good idea i will get on that sjdfjlsfsdfsdf)) i actually made a powerpoint explaining baseball basics for my one friend! i should link in on ao3 so you all have it hehehehe aLSO ALSO ALSO ALSO- if you still need a team to root for.... might i suggest the cleveland guardians :D

AND :'))))))) it is officially OFFICIALLY evermore season!!!! tis the damn season!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is truly the ideal time to read write this down. i will be playing my evermore vinyl on repeat for the next month :')

BUT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD OH NO I AM CRYING FOR YOU???? THAT IS SO DEVASTATING?????? POOR LIAM 😭😭😭😭😭 i feel your pain so much though because so many songs on evermore now remind me SO MUCH of write this down and it HURTS

AND!!! i have been to the era's tour!!!!!! i went to pittsburgh night two and my surprise songs were story of us and seven and it was the best night of my life! i dressed up as a speak now disco ball. it was just ahhsldfjsdlkfjskflsf. evermore was my favorite era of the night. tis the damn season. marjorie. TOLERATE IT. like are you KIDDING???????????? i also loved the pure joy in the stadium during the fearless set. and she had so many of my favorite songs on the setlist. im just aljdsfklsjfskfjsf i would love to relive that night again and again :') and i saw the movie the day it was released! i may actually go see it again this week with some family!!!!! i love it so so so so much! are you seeing the era's tour??? :')

♥️♥️♥️ i am so sorry it has taken me a million and one years to answer your message, but i hope you are doing well and you may always always always feel free to ramble in my asks i love these messages SO MUCH <333333

#asks

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otp-armada · 4 years

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If Jason wanted to convince me that Lxa was the love of Clarke's life, he wouldn't have killed her off, effectively cutting their love story permanently, with 4.5 seasons left of the show. Their arc, starting with their introduction in 2x07 and concluding with L's death in 3x07, is 17 episodes long, accounting for 17% of the entire narrative. If I generously add 3x16 to the count, an episode in which L is already dead in the corporeal world Clarke is trying to return to, it's a whopping, grand total of 18%. An 18% congruous with Clarke's intense connection to Bellamy and vice versa, which even A.lycia confirmed as romantic. Feelings romantic enough to spur the formation of a love triangle. An 18% ignoring Clarke's ultimate choice to go back to her people when L wanted her to stay.

CL is a chapter in the story begun and wrapped up in the first half of the narrative. And that's omitting further illumination on the finer details making CL so problematic for Clarke. Do you expect me to believe it was coincidental for CL to occur at a time when Clarke was spiraling down a dark path, commencing with Finn's death? Who played a hand in forcing Clarke's own hand, with Finn, and TonDC, and Mount Weather? Whose example inspired her to ensnare herself in armor and warpaint to be strong enough to save her people? Whose behavior did she emulate in the pushing away of support from her people? Who gave her a place to continue hiding from Bellamy, her mom, and her friends? A place to be someone other than Clarke Griffin? In lieu of facing her fears like the heroine she is? The purpose of CL wasn't to provide Clarke with a magnificent, fairy tale romance gone tragically wrong. I believe Jason's intent with the relationship aimed to further damage Clarke's psyche after L's death, to solidify the belief that her love is not only deadly to its recipients but renders her too weak to do what must be done for survival.

After 3x16, CL is an often superfluous namedrop or two per season for Clarke to briefly react to before carrying on with the plot. Season 5 aside, most of these references are needless enough to be able to interpret them as attempts at reparations for the L/CL fandom's benefit -and their views- without altering the course of the story. Crazy me for thinking it's not enough to constitute an ongoing love story. Crazy me for not thinking this was on par with interactions between living characters. Crazy me for thinking it doesn't befit a love story for the protagonist.

This sliver of the story is what Jason and the CLs would have us unquestionably believe is the pervasive love story of The 100's seven seasons?

Despite his lie and the constant gaslighting from the pineapple CLs, some of us know how to decipher what a temporary love interest is. Lxa? I think you know where I'm heading with this.

I'll acknowledge my admittedly negative appraisal of CL as someone who recognizes its value to the LGBT+ community and treats it as valid while not caring for L/CL on a narrative level. I felt, when swayed by L's influence, Clarke became the antithesis of what I found admirable about her. I resented Clarke's acquiescence of her power to the commander. I wanted nothing more than to remove the wedge L had driven between Clarke and Bellamy.

Let me try to give L/CL the benefit of the doubt for a minute. I don't hold L as responsible for Clarke's choices, but I recognize the prominent role she played in their upbringing. The push and pull was an intriguing aspect of their dynamic, as was the chance to meet a manifestation of who Clarke might have been if she was all head, no heart. Her fall from grace was arguably necessary for her to be a fully-rounded character, not a Mary Sue. It wouldn't be realistic for the protagonist of a tragic story about a brutal world to be a pure cinnamon roll. When forgiveness is an innate theme with Clarke, it would be my bias at work if I was content with her applying it to everyone but Lxa. Clarke saw enough commonalities between her and L to identify with the latter. When she extended forgiveness to L, I believe it was her way of taking the first step on the path to making peace with herself by proxy. None of this means I wanted them paired up. At best, I made my peace with seeing the relationship through to its eventual end. In time for L's death, ironically. My passivity about them notwithstanding, my conclusions are, however, supported by canon.

If I may submit a Doylist reason for romantic CL? Jason knew he had a massive subfandom itching to see them coupled, thereby boosting ratings and generating media buzz. A Watsonian reason? Without relevance, I think L would have been another Anya to Clarke. Grapple shortly with the unfair taking of a life right as they choose to steer towards unity, melancholy giving way to the inconvenience of the loss of a potential, powerful political ally. Romance ensured her arc with L would have the designated impact on Clarke's character moving forward in the next act.

For a show not about relationships, Jason has routinely used romantic love as a shorthand for character and dynamic development. It's happened with so many hastily strung together pairings. And when it does, everyone and their mother bends over backward to defend the relationship. It's romantic because it just is. Didn't you see the kissing? Romantic.

No, The 100 at its core is not about relationships, romantic and otherwise. But stack the number of fans invested exclusively by the action against those of us appreciating a strong plot but are emotionally attached to the characters and dynamics. Who do we think wins? Jason can cry all he wants over an audience refusing to be dazzled solely by his flashy sci-fi.

Funnily enough, "not about relationships'' is only ever applied to Bellarke. Bellarke, a relationship so consistently significant, it's the central dynamic of the show. The backbone on which the story is predicated. Only with Bellarke does it become super imperative to represent male-female platonic relationships. As if Bellarke is the end all, be all of platonic friendship representation on this show. In every single television show in the history of television shows.

Where was this advocacy when B/echo was foisted upon on us after one scene between them where he didn't outright hate Echo? When one interaction before that, he nearly choked the life out of her. If male-female friendship on TV is so sparse, why didn't B/ravens celebrate the familial relationship between Bellamy and Raven? Isn't the fact that they interpret Clarke as abusive to Bellamy all the more reason to praise his oh-so-healthy friendship with Raven as friendship? They might be the one group of shippers at the least liberty to use this argument against Bellarke, lest they want to hear the cacophony of our fandom's laughter at the sheer hypocrisy of the joke. Instead, they've held on with an iron grip to the one sex scene from practically three lifetimes ago when the characters were distracting themselves from their feelings on OTHER people? They've recalled this as "proof" of romance while silent on (or misconstruing) the 99% of narrative wherein they were platonic and the 100% of the time they were canonically non-romantic.

Bellarke is only non-romantic if you believe love stories are told in the space of time it takes for Characters A & B to make out and screw each other onscreen, a timespan amounting to less than the intermission of a quick bathroom break. If it sounds ridiculous, it's because it is. And yet, some can't wrap their heads around the idea that maybe, just maybe, a well-written love story in its entirety is denoted by more than two insubstantial markers and unreliable qualifiers. B/raven had sex, and the deed didn't fashion them into a romance. Jasper and Maya kissed but didn't have sex. Were they half a romantic relationship? Bellarke is paralleled to romantic couples all the time, but it counts for nothing in the eyes of their rival-ship fandom adversaries. Take ship wars out of it by considering Mackson. Like B/echo, the show informed us that Mackson became a couple post-Praimfaya, offscreen, via a kiss. Does anyone fancy them an epic love story with their whisper of a buildup? Since a kiss is all it takes, as dictated by fandom parameters, we should.

If Characters A & B are ensconced in a romantic storyline, then by definition, their relationship is neither non-romantic nor fanon. "Platonic" rings hollow as a descriptor for feelings canonically not so.

If the rest of the fandom doesn't want to take our word for granted, Bob confirmed Bellarke as romantic. Is he as delusional as we are? Bob is not a shipper, but he knows what he was told to perform and how. Why do the pineapples twist themselves in knots to discredit his word? If they are so assured by Jason's word-of-god affirmation, then what credibility does it bear to have Bellarke validated by someone other than the one in charge? They're so quick to aggressively repudiate any statement less than "CL is everything. Nothing else exists. CL is the only fictional love story in The 100, nay, the WORLD. CL is the single greatest man-made invention since the advent of the wheel."

We've all seen a show with a romantic relationship between the leads at the core of the story. We all know the definition of slowburn. We can pinpoint the tropes used to convey romantic feelings. We know conflict is how stories are told. We know when interferences are meant to separate them. We know when obstacles are overcome, they're stronger for it. We know that's why the hurdles exist. We know those impediments often take the shape of interim, third-party love interests. We know what love triangles are. We know pining and longing.

Jason wasn't revolutionary in his structure of Bellarke. He wasn't sly. Jason modeled them no differently than most other shows do with their main romances. Subtler and slower, sure. Sometimes not subtle at all. There's no subtlety in having Clarke viscerally react to multiple shots of Bellamy with his girlfriend. No subtlety in him prioritizing her life over the others in Sanctum's clutches. In her prioritizing his life above all the other lives she was sure would perish if he opened the bunker door. There is no subtlety in Bellamy poisoning his sister to stave off Clarke's impending execution. In her relinquishing 50 Arkadian lives for him after it killed her to choose only 100 to preserve. In her sending the daughter Clarke was hellbent to protect, into the trenches to save him. In him marching across enemy lines to rescue her. In her surrender to her kidnapper to march to potential death, to prevent Bellamy's immediate one. No subtlety in Josie's callouts. No subtlety in Lxa's successful use of his name to convince Clarke to let a bomb drop on an unsuspecting village. Bet every dollar you have that the list goes on and on.

There are a lot of layers to what this show was. It was a tragedy, with hope for light at the end of the tunnel. It was, first and foremost, a post-apocalyptic sci-fi survival drama. Within this overarch is the story of how the union of Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake saves humanity, ushering in an age of peace. In this regard, their relationship transcended romance. But with the two of them growing exponentially more intimate each season, pulled apart by obstacles only to draw closer once again, theirs was a love story. A romantic opus, the crescendo timed in such a way that the resolution of this storyline -the moment they get together- would align with the resolution of the main plot. Tying Bellarke to the completion of this tale made them more meaningful than any other relationship on this show, not less.

Whereas the trend with every other pair was to chronicle whether they survived this hostile world intact or succumbed to it, Bellarke was a slowburn. A unique appellation for the couples on this show, but not disqualifying them from romantic acknowledgment.

Framing Bellarke in this manner was 100% Jason's choice. If he wanted the audience to treat them as platonic, he should have made it clear within the narrative itself, not through vague, word-of-god dispatches. A mishandled 180-degree swerve at the clutch as a consequence of extra-textual factors doesn't negate the 84% of the story prior. It's just bad writing to not follow through. And Jason's poor, nearsighted decisions ruined a hell of a lot more than a Bellarke endgame.

The problem is, when Bellarke is legitimized, the pineapples are yanked out of their fantasies where they get to pretend the quoted exaggerations above are real. Here I'm embellishing, but some of them have deeply ingrained their identities in CL to the degree where hyperbole is rechristened to incontestable facts. An endorsement for Bellarke is an obtrusive reminder of the not all-encompassing reception of their ship. A lack of positive sentiment is an attack on their OTP, elevated to an attack on their identity. Before long, it ascends to an alleged offense to their right to exist. The perpetrators of this evil against humanity are the enemy, and they must attack in kind, in defense of themselves.

Truthfully, I think it's sad, the connotation of human happiness wholly dependent on the outcome of a fictional liaison already terminated years ago. I'm not unaware of the marginalization of minorities, of the LGBT+ community, in media. I haven't buried my head in the sand to pretend there aren't horrible crimes committed against them. I don't pretend prejudice isn't rampant. When defense and education devolve into hatred and libel for asinine reasons, though, the line has been crossed. You don't get a free pass to hurt someone with your words over a damn ship war. No matter how hard you try to dress it up as righteous social justice, I assure you, you're woefully transparent.

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audramh · 4 years

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Best Fans Ever

Dream with me for a minute... of childhood. For clarity's sake, the *perfect* childhood. Mommy and Daddy tuck you into bed and tell you that you're their special girl and they'll always be there to protect you and keep you safe. They tell you that monsters aren't real, so hug your teddy bear, darling, and go night-night, because it's time to sleep. And you do: you drift off to sleep safe and sound, comforted by their words because Mommy and Daddy said everything's allright.

But is it?

It doesn't occur to you, a child, that Mommy might have a nighttime drinking problem and Daddy watches a lot of porn. Your brain can't comprehend those things at face value, let alone the fact that those are very human, very common, very normal problems that some grownups have. Mommy and Daddy wouldn't let these secrets slip out. They wouldn't want you to know the real people behind the facade; it would ruin your childhood, undermine your blind faith in them, and embarrass them immeasurably.

As you grow, the more deviation from "normal" you can handle. You come to understand your parents are as human as any other two people you meet. The mask slips a bit: you've seen Mom and Dad in a heated argument (or two or three). And while you hopefully never discover your Dad's affinity for porn, you do find the secret stash of liquor hidden above the fridge: you never actually see it consumed, but its levels keep going down. And monsters may be real after all: you've developed a sixth sense as to what types of behavior by an adult are never, ever acceptable. You know to trust your gut, to get away, and if necessary, to fight like hell.

In short, living this life has taught you a few things. You're growing up.

Now, imagine if your scope of vision (or instincts) had never broadened and developed. Your world would be very small. What someone tells you would be accepted... simply because the words were said. People don't lie. People don't hide. People are who they say they are, and that's that.

It is that childlike acceptance of given information that makes you set up camp in one side of a fandom, and noticing that the mask can slip and let in conflicting information that needs processing that makes you side with the other.

In the Outlander fandom, there are Antis (which also includes Sam-only fans, Anyone But Cait fans, and Book Mommies). And then there are Shippers (who sometimes call themselves Believers or Waiters).

There is a DEEP divide.

Antis accept everything they are told. (#bestfansever) They accept words at face value. If Sam and Cait say they are not together, that's the truth. If Cait says she's engaged, she is. It's not Sam, because they would have told us. If she is seen with a dark-haired man, and says her fiance is shy and is a "civilian"... well, then that mute non-actor with dark hair and sideburns is her guy. And after August 10th 2019, who else could be "husband"? It's gotta be that guy, whose name they've since told you is Tony McGill. And aren't they cute. You guys, their wedding even made a list of the most lavish ceremonies of the year!

Shippers question everything. Why didn't she name her "fiance"? Why are there no wedding photos? Why hasn't she named her "husband"? If it's Tony, why do they live in separate countries? Why do they not relate as husband and wife? Why do they not light up around each other? Why is he constantly on his phone next to a such a statuesque beauty? Why do she and Sam share a car and a home and vacations and hotels and social media times? Why do she and Sam light up like Christmas trees together, both in front of and behind the cameras? Why has Cait unmistakably worn maternity outfits several times in different years?

Antis believe Sam hasn't found the right one. Bless his restless heart, he tries. He'll find someone special yet. And they squee whenever they see a pretty face near him. Oh gosh, they hope Sam and X have a great time in Y. He deserves someone, you guys. If X wasn't the one, then X 2.0 surely is. Squee! Or... or... he's gay. Yes that's it, we don't see him with the right one because Hollywood is still stuck in the 1940s and he can't get straight roles if he comes out.

Shippers believe that Sam found the right one on September 11, 2013: that the stars aligned over a casting room in LA when Sam met Cait. That she is his entire world, and he is hers. That even 6.5 years later, they cannot look at each other without love in their eyes. In the air between them. In their body language. In their banter. In not-so-wee-Sammy's involuntary response to the very nearness of Cait. And that's how we know he's a heterosexual male. He. Cannot. Help. It.

Antis believe that Cait has no children because they've never been told of any. Therefore, any focus on Cait's midsection is body shaming at its deplorable worst. How dare you.

Shippers acknowledge a developing bump in 2016. We even saw Chris Albrecht notice it on the red carpet. Some noticed a svelte Cait with Sam in early 2017, and then a developing bump in 2017 (which even unmistakably found its way into season 4 Claire's wardrobe, and later Terry Dresbach vaguely complained about season 4 fittings and alterations on Twitter). We don't need to be told she is a mother, because we've seen it. Many of us are mothers ourselves, and are thrilled for Cait... and Sam. Because no one has to TELL us that they are parents. We know they are.

Antis have a childlike need for Cait and Tony to have a happy, perfect life together. And Sam will be happy when he finds his match. That's all they can process: happiness and perfection.

Shippers have let go of childlike ideas. We know there's a whole hell of a lot that we aren't being told. We know that monsters do, in fact, exist in a seedy, dirty, greedy business called Hollywood. We know that people lie. We know Sam and Cait are not perfect, and we don't need them to be. We like them because we recognize their flaws and cracks, and we know we have them as well. Make no mistake about it, we suspect they are part of the problem: we accept that their hands are dirty in all of this too, in ways we don't yet understand.

Now...

Who's more credible?

Antis who have to be told what to think, where to look, and cannot conceive of a hidden agenda?

Or Shippers who will readily admit that heroes are not perfect, that there is a seedy side to this life, and who are shrewd enough to question what they're told?

I'm going with Shippers.

Believers.

Waiters.

Thinkers.

Sleuthers.

Deducers.

Because Antis are against all of that.

And that's the problem: they never grew up and still use name-calling as a weapon.

You want to find the REAL #bestfansever?

Look to the Shippers.

We've been attacked, mocked, vilified...

AND WE'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

We'll be here to cheer for Sam and Cait's extraordinary love, accept that they hid their lives from public view, and forgive them.

They're not perfect.

Neither were Mommy and Daddy.

#sam x cait #sam heughan #caitriona balfe #bestfansever

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explodo-smash · 6 years

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Warning post about SaiSaixChan

Regarding recent problems, the team at Explodo Smash has decided to put out a long overdue warning about the user SaiSaixchan.

We often get messages about why we don’t consider, nor hold any value to her word or her analyses about the BNHA series.

It goes much beyond disagreements with her interpretations about the show/manga itself and more with her displays of manipulation, homophobia, hypocrisy, and absolute disregard for the morality of the source of her information, her words, or the concerns of the people who admire her.

We do not think her followers, or people who interact with her, are aware of her misdeeds, and we would like to confront them now.

TW: homophobia, mentions of pedophilia, transphobia and sexual assault

Firstly, I would like to emphasize SaiSai has expressed homophobia on more than one occasion and tends to either delete it, excuse it, or disregards people’s comments or worries about it.

Never once does she apologize or acknowledge it for long periods.

On her twitter, when talking about gay ships, she spoke on how she just preferred heterosexual ships + friendships because she was exposed to incestuous/pedophilic art which made her turn away from gay ships (specifically) and also blaming those who ship gay ships, referring to them as “toxic”.

Preferring platonic relationships in art/story alone is fine, however she had made it clear she associates pedophilia and incest with gayness only, despite these horrible tropes also existing in a mass in heterosexual shipping.

Instead of acknowledging this, she deleted her tweets and ignored the people who tried to speak to her (names omitted).

She had a tumblr post stating similar, which has again, since been deleted (recently because it was up about last month when a friend asked why I was wary of her).

But here’s proof of those screenshot’s existence (X) and how she repeatedly reblogged that because she thinks many people were that traumatized by gay content online like herself. (Screenshot below incase she deletes this too)

She does not seem to realize her homophobia is not a case of whether or not she supports them, but the fact she associates gayness with these things, and holds this idea that her fans, and fans of same sex ships, are always out to fetishize them, but never this experience to heterosexual ships, somehow.

This leads us to discuss her treatment and discussion of gay ships and the characters. To justify her distaste for any of the gay ships in BNHA, she cites the most transphobic, abusive, and absolutely abhorrently worded translations of the series.

She acknowledges the translations are bad, but whenever people try to speak to her about her meta or interpretations as derived from those translations being bad--and not reminiscent of the characters--again, she ignores it, and yet, people continue to heed her words and listen to them as fact.

Her support for LGBT cannot exist alongside the fact she admits she associates [gayness] with abuse, incest, pedophilia and “fandom fetishization” inherently, not without her acknowledging that’s a horrible thing to believe and spread to others, period. Yet she seems to take no interest in taking that route, even as her fans have approached her multiple times in that hope.

It’s incredibly dangerous she has such a voice in the fandom considering her words and vitriol almost always comes from a place of either internal hatred, homophobia, or her own perceived projection.

And that’s where we lead into her weird obsession with Bakugou, and how it’s finally reached the point of being completely inappropriate.

Sai will insistently cite the character Bakugou as abusive in every situation but his relationship with Ochako. She has been known to go between insisting she loves this character alongside obsessively seeing him as some weird combination of abusive to tsundere.

She is creepily and constantly on the edge of sexualizing if not inappropriately romanticizing him, despite calling him her “son”, and this offense may not be as severe or obvious if she didn’t insist on putting someone she wants to be seen as a “mother” to in obscene situations.

She describes a situation from early chapters of BNHA as a “molestation”, an INCREDIBLY triggering, exaggerative and awful word to describe something that happened to a child character, and she cites this as Bakugou getting ‘proper punishment’ to an anon who asked.

When confronted about this and how horrible and unnecessary the wording and description was, she had no care in the world to alter or maybe consider that it was inappropriate.

And now recently, she has begged the question to her followers of whether or not Bakugou would have a crush on her, going onto add she means “puppy crush”, nothing serious, as if that makes it a cleaner question.

And again, when confronted about this, she has deleted replies speaking against her, and allowed the user who said something about how weird and creepy it was to be relentlessly and horrendously harassed for more than enough time before saying “it was an old post” and no one deserves “anon hate”.

She’s intentionally double-speaking here. It being an old post does not disregard the fact she was the one who reblogged it again, got confronted about it, and allowed a CSA victim to get harassed for days about it afterwards.

The user who confronted her never got any reparations or apologies from Sai about the comments her followers are saying to her. Instead, Sai chooses to once more be quiet about, and ignore, the situation.

Over the past 2-3 years our team has existed in the fandom, Sai has presented manipulative, two-faced, and horrendous behavior, and has not changed. We very much regret being silent this long. Her audience of primarily children continue to echo and repeat her, not realizing her words, analyses, and demeanor have always, and will always, stand from a place of hatred.

She uses her position as “fandom mom” to have kids start her fights for her, she uses her following to create an unsafe space for BNHA fans, and preys on the naivety of those who follow her to pat her position.

Her ego makes her incapable of letting any kind of conflict around her name breathe, she has hailed herself as the Second Coming of Horikoshi despite nothing she’s ever said or done has been credible, genuine, or from a place of love for these characters, she goes out of her way to make the environment of fandom toxic while believing herself to be the most non-toxic user of them all.

Sai not only uses transphobic/abusive translations to make a distorted points about the characters, the conclusions she arrives at with the story and other people just aren’t true and actively contribute to a lot of evidently harmful pervasive mentalities in the fandom, which she defends and dances around upon confrontation.

We ask for nothing but people to be wary of her, and her true nature. We are very sure many other people have had bad experiences with her that have been dug out or ignored, and we encourage people to share them be it on this post or on anon.

#boku no hero academia #bnha #mha #my hero academia

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neurodivergentaf · 6 years

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I could not stop my cursed brain from spouting the sheer amount of bullshit it loves to provide the public with on matters that I really don’t want to deal with but here we are!! Review of the movie Split (2017) by a person professionally diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. I had to rewatch this crap on exam night so pay up anons and read under the cut. Warning for spoilers

I’m not going to be all “blah blah this is a horrible movie 1/5 stars” because let me be clear 2 u. This movie made me angry. This movie was also, from an objective standpoint, well done. I love psychological horror art, but as I weighed the pros and cons on the consequences that can arise from this movie existence, I can safely say Fuck All That. I know I missed a lot of details, but I didn’t want to waste time trying to explain the basics of DID and take up too much space on this post (lol failed).

Here is a half-assed review on Split by a sleep deprived college student messed up on about twenty different types of cold and flu medicine. Enjoy!

Accidentally watched on hulu the movie Split 2016. checked the genre halfway through and decided that the big fat ‘romantic comedy’ title probably meant it wasn’t the one i was looking for; proceeded to watch the actual Split movie via unsavory websites. i risked my life for this. the cops are coming any second to arrested me

Gave up and decided i didn’t want to ruin my night, so i watched John Mulaneyneyeney’s new movie on netflix. it was fantastic

Actual start of review:

I found it really interesting how the Buzzkill Girl protagonist was also shown to have experienced childhood trauma like Barry, yet the movie puts the antagonist as the only one with DID and homicidal tendencies. I think that a better way to have handled this was to also give the protag DID as a plot twist and to show that it really depends on the person, not the disorder itself. (But even if they had done that, there are still too many inaccuracies given about DID in the movie that are harmful to the community. I’ll explain more about that later.)

This woman looks EXACTLY like the therapist that also diagnosed me with DID. What the fuck. 5/5 stars for physical character accuracy

“Nobody even believes that we exist!” Very true. Do you know how many people I know irl that I’ve told about my disorder to? 0. When was the last time you ever heard about DID on the news or in irl conversation? Exactly. We don’t feel like we really exist sometimes, because no one wants to even acknowledge it. Therapists would rather consider the most far-fetched ideas before even thinking about DID, because they are never really taught the skills on how to handle it or identify it.

Some people with DID refer to themselves in plural form. Some don’t. Barry just happens to use the plural form, probably to remind the audience of his condition. Just wanted to point that out there.

“We always think of shattered people as ... less that us. What if they’re more?” I think that was a beautiful phrase. Really, I loved Dr. Fletcher’s quotes about DID and the way they wrote her. Too bad about pretty much everything else.

I was kinda “eh” about this part because alters don’t really talk out loud to each other; especially if we’re in a position where someone else can hear us, because we’re aware of how socially unacceptable it it. Usually conversations aren’t held with full sentences, most of the time it’s impressions of feelings or intentions. But Barry is shown whispering in a room alone, so I’ll accept it I guess

Oh yeah. This part. Fuck this part in particular. This doesn’t relate much to the DID topic as much as a transphobic one. They put the villain, a cannibalistic antagonist, in association with gender non-conformity and, by extension, trans women. Yeah. fuck that. On an actual DID note, differential genders between alters are pretty common, especially if you have 3+ alters.

I won’t post screenshots of it, but if you watch the movie it is obvious with it’s uncomfortable sexual displays of underage girls that it also associates DID with some form of perversion. This provides even more negativity towards people with DID when the fact of the matter is that people with DID are no more geared towards unethical actions than neurotypical people.

Some people with DID don’t see their alters as human, whether or not that comes from their trauma or as a type of coping mechanism. For me, I have a very scary looking alter that is that way as a defense system against the scary situations I’ve had to face. But that does not mean an alter is inherently violent.

Child alters are also common because of the same reason listed above. DID is a disorder that manifests in childhood, and I have yet to meet a person with DID that does not have a child or child-like alter.

A side-effect of DID is memory loss, also called dissociative amensia. There have been cases where alters withheld information (usually traumatic events) from one another as a way to cope. DID is all about being able to function at the most optimal level when faced with persistent trauma, so missing information about daily life or important events are common.

*deep sigh* Okay...the skype call scene. Let’s do this shit. First off, I’m gonna have to call bullshit on how good the video in this looks. 1/5 stars for skype accuracy

This is pretty common with DID. It can present itself in different styles of writing or talking depending on the alter. Some alters are similar enough that this doesn’t really apply to them.

Uh, yeah, no. This is just straight up untrue. False. Nein. Ne. Doesn’t fucking happen. The only way I can kinda of see what she’s trying to say is if she’s focusing on the fact that an alter can be unaware of their own physical abilities and as such, can act in a limited way. But physically, we are not different. DID is not a developmental disorder. If the body was born with ADHD, then all the alters will have ADHD, even if the ADHD will manifest in different ways for the alters (e.g., one alter can focus a little more on a certain subject than another)

It ain’t that deep dude. I’m just trying to keep my cool when Melli eats all of my fucking york mint patties and Andrei has hidden my fucking keys in a fucking spot where I can’t fucking remember Andrei you piece of shit

I don’t understand what he is trying to say here. I think I’ve ever only heard of one incident where a person with DID could control when one of their alters can take over, and it wasn’t from a credible source. We can’t control who can front and who can’t. I use the word “front” in place of “the light” here because i have neverrrrrr heard any person with DID use that term.

It can be very hard to distinguish who is fronting and who is not. The person fronting can give an educated guess, but can’t be 100% certain because personalities always change and grow and can hide things about themselves that they don’t even recognize.

Ouch...that scene hit home for me. Internal conflicts are common and can lead to self-stigmatization within the group. There can even be cliques like ‘here are the bad alters’ and ‘here are the good alters.’ This happens because we are simply human.

After more than an hour of rewatching Split i decided to stop because this post is getting too long and i want to focus on the more important issues of it instead of liveblogging. Also the small fact that my body has been trying to kill me via mucus in my lungs for 2 days straight.

Lets get one thing clear: “With DID patients, if they feel hostility or aggression they take it out on themselves with self-harm… They’re self-destructive and repeatedly suicidal, more so than any other psychological disorder. So that’s what’s typical – not this wild aggression, or stalking women [or robbery].” — Dr Bethany Brand, on Billy Milligan and Multiple Personality Disorder (DID)

“But it could happen!” You can say. Yeah, sure. It could happen because of the simple fact it’s not entirely impossible that a person with DID could kidnap girls and be a cannibal. The issue is not that it’s not impossible, the issue is that This Is It. This movie is one of the very few that even reference DID, and it’s a horror movie with inaccurate information about the disorder. When was the last time you heard something positive about DID? When was the last time you came across accurate information about it without having to consciously search for it? This is it. The therapist tells us that DID is not evil, and then an hour later is murdered by her patient, which encourages the audience to disbelieve what she claimed. This movie tells people that we are inherently violent, perverse, dangerous, and it has taken the progress made to understand DID 10 steps back. Fuck this movie. We don’t deserve this. We’re not some parody to make money off of. We’re people who have had a ton of shit thrown at us to make us this way and now these people want to tell us that we’re monsters.

I wouldn’t be so prissy about this if there were 10,000+ good movies about DID and this just so happened to be the only bad one. I wouldn’t even be writing this review. Curse you, parallel dimension me, you lucky son of a bitch.

So. Yeah. Fuck this shit.

#long post #split #did #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #split movie #lol sorry to the mobile users rip #mine #alter #alters #bluespace

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heyhowdyhellohi · 6 years

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The story of Rae Chap 2

Chap 2: Waking up 3240 words

There are no windows set in the baby blue walls, and the room smells faintly of fabric softener and the yellow-orange flowers on the cream colored night stand next to the bed. All of the light in the room is artificial, but dimmed for comfort. The monitor of the tablet in Captain America’s hands flashes a silent, green notification that, based on her brain waves, the girl would wake up soon. The nurse quietly steps away to take the tablet to the doctor.

The first words out of Steve’s mouth are, “I’m sorry.”

The girl instantly jerks into action, yanking at the plastic handcuffs secured around her wrists only to fall back down onto the mattress. Involuntarily, her eyes shut tight and her hands rush unsuccessfully towards her head as she is rocked by sudden vertigo. Too much movement too quickly after waking up. After she has composed herself, she slowly sits up. Childishly, she glares, first up at Steve, then down at her feet, which she notices have each been securely encased in two inches of rubber in the form of unflattering boots.

“You lied.” She glares harder at her feet. Too many bad memories are tied to people trying to restrict her powers. She feels like she’s suffocating, the combined effect of sudden claustrophobia and the cold humid air she’s unaccustomed to.

“No, I-“

Her eyes snap to his in outrage. “How else could this have gone?” She tugs at her handcuffs for effect. “Don’t stand there and tell me you would have taken your answers and left.”

“I really wanted to talk. And maybe get you to come with us willingly. We’re on the same side.” He's trying his best to contain the situation, but he starts to sense that nothing he says will calm her.

“I’m not on a side. I just want to be left alone! Why can’t you just...” she was pulling frantically at the handcuffs now. The cold air burns her nostrils and dries her throat as she takes short fast breaths, and her entire body struggles. She’s trapped! She’s trapped and she has to get out! She doesn’t even know where she is! She needs to RUN! She can’t move! She needs to GET OUT! The red-headed Natasha soon rushes in and grabs her hand.

“Breathe. C’mon, inhale, hold, exhale. You’re having a panic attack. Everything is going to be okay. Listen to the sound of my voice. Listen! Inhale, hold, exhale. Good. You are in New York City in a recovery center. I’m going to release one of your hands, okay? Okay, there, you have a little more control. Are you with me?” Natasha noted that she came out of it quickly, and she had obviously experienced panic attacks before. She continues to hold the girl’s hand, crouched next to the bed. The girl relaxes somewhat. Steve had left.

“You’ve been out cold for a day. You’re stuck in this room for the night so the doctors can be sure you’re good to go. Then, bed rest for a while. We have a room for you when you’re ready.” Natasha smiled warmly at her.

“I won’t join you. Not now, not ever. I won’t be your pet.” The girl tried to be venomous and cold, but her voice was frail in its whisper and her hand stayed curled around Natasha’s. It had been very long since she held someone’s hand.

“That’s good. Personally, i always liked cats. You should drink that by the way, it will help you feel better.” Natasha gestures to a plastic cup on the night stand. The girl looks at it, but doesn’t move towards it.

“What’s your name? I’m Natasha.”

The girl doesn’t look away from the plastic cup and the orange juice that filled it. She thinks for a long time with pursed lips and indecision written on her face. “I’m ...Rae.” She admits it like a crime she got away with, like she’s afraid she might still get in trouble.

“It’s nice to meet you properly.” Natasha walks out with a kind smile. Rae takes a drink from the juice and decides she doesn’t care for the taste. She rubs at the still sore skin of both of her wrists and the goosebumps on her arms, shuffles her feet, and wiggles her toes. She identifies a cloth texture within the cumbersome boots and wonders whether she is wearing socks or if the material is somehow incorporated into the boots. Before she can delve into her inquiry, Steve reenters. She folds her legs under herself in a protective position, and observes his every movement.

“I would really appreciate it if you would answer a few of my questions,” Steve holds his hands up to show that he is not a threat, his voice unimposing.

“Why should I?” she spits the question at him like an insolent child.

“Because maybe the information you give us could help us keep what happened to you from happening to other people. HYDRA is very much still around. They’re always around, and if they aren’t, there are people just like them.” He sighs heavily as he sits down on a chair against the wall, and she considers it because he seems honest and very tired. She stares at the boots, running fingers over the rough rubber. She seems more conflicted that he had expected her to be.

Without looking up she says, “Ask.”

Steve’s eyebrows shoot up, but he quickly recovers. “How did you escape?”

“I’m not really sure. We’d whispered about it for years, but we never thought- Uh, something went wrong. There was chaos at the facility, people running around, shredding things. They tried to move us, get us on a helicopter. The moment we made it outside, we took our chances and just ran. I made it past the tree line, and I didn’t stop running until I passed out. Then, as soon as I woke up, I kept running. Many, many days of just moving and surviving. Eventually, I settled down where you found me. I’ve been there for a long time.” She has never talked about it to anyone. She hasn’t really had anyone to talk to in so long. Her eyes are glazed as she remembered all of the details again, every detail as though it had happened only yesterday. There wasn’t a day went by when she didn’t go through every second again, blaming herself for every wrong turn.

Steve allows her a moment of silence. The girl is a chameleon, switching constantly from child to traumatized war veteran. The ambivalence of her demeanor was somehow twice as heartbreaking than if she were just one or the other. She is a child who never had the opportunity to mature, but she is also the child who learned to fend for herself when no one was around to help her. And third, she is a weapon, the force of nature he had faced before bringing her in. How does she balance them? Carefully breaking her out of her reverie, he says, “We had heard rumors from lower ranking Hydra members about an enhanced army being trained. We finally heard it from enough sources to give it credibility. We tracked down a facility that we believed had been involved in experimenting on people. When we got there, anything that wasn’t shredded was burned, and there were- there were bodies. Execution style.”

“Punishment for my getting away.” she interposes stonily.

“The rumors, sometimes they spoke of an entire army, but most of them spoke of four.”

She whispers so softly that Steve has to lean in to make sure he doesn’t miss anything. “There were four of us. Lea, Ram, Tal, and me. Rae. We named ourselves in secret. The one thing we had control of in our lives was our names. They were ours.” she pauses, regaining her composure, before continuing in a slightly louder voice, “My powers work on mud and rocks, Lea’s worked on fire, Ram’s on water and Tal’s on air. Mine are bullet proof. Theirs, not so much.”

“I’m very sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change anything. Don’t- don’t disgrace their memory by apologizing to me like you had something to do with it. We were alone! You were nowhere. They were born alone and they died alone and I- you had absolutely nothing to do with it. Not while it mattered,” the glare was back on her face as she became more and more enraged. All the openness drained away.

“I don’t mean to take away from everything you’ve been through. I just meant to express my condolences. I know what it feels like to lose everything and to blame the world for it. I know you’re still hurting, but please don’t let your pain and your pride keep you from helping others. Please. I need you to tell me if you think they could make more enhanced humans.”

She took a deep breath, and as she exhaled she seemed to deflate. “Yes, definitely, but it would take a long time. They experimented on my parents as children, then altered my genetic make up as a zygote. The original process was too violent to be undergone by a normal matured person; the bodies kept burning up. The experimentation had been going on for so long that the lead scientist died and left his apprentice in charge when I was only 9 years old. Fortunately for you, he’s nowhere near as bright as Dr. Peters. Unfortunately, he was twice as cruel.”

“So, they would need to experiment on two generations before they built an army?”

“Four generations. I’m not the endgame. I was supposed to have a child with Ram, and Lea with Tal. Then our children would have had a child. My grandchild would have been the end game. The last stage of project Genesis. They would have used his DNA to make more.”

“That’s...” but he trailed off. There was no word strong enough to describe how atrocious HYDRA’s plan was this time. “The apprentice’s name?”

“Dr. Bram Jeckel. The man for whom the eighth layer of hell is reserved.”

#Steve Rogers #avengers #MCU #marvel #Marvel Universe #oc #natasha romanoff #Black Widow #captain america

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gojohnjustin-blog · 6 years

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I, Tonya

Director: Craig Gillespie

Screenplay: Steven Rogers

I, TONYA A movie based on true events and interviews. This movie highlights the story of the former US figure skating champion and Olympian, Tonya Harding. She was became the first American to successfully complete a triple axel move but her future in the activity was thrown into doubt when her ex-husband intervenes. Tonya was indeed a naturally gifted talented athlete but was disregarded by the association, since they prefer someone to be a portrayal of grace and has good image. Which led her planning to send death threats to her former competitor Nancy just to step out of the competition, but the plans got worse when her ex-husband, Jeff asked his men to bash Nancy’s leg instead of just sending threats. This film then highlights the January 6, 1994 “leg bashing incident” of Tonya’s competitor Nancy.

MAIN CHARACTERS

TONYA HARDING (Margot Robbie), former Olympic figure skater. She was never really accepted in the figure skating community for not inherently being the image of grace, breeding and privilege that the community wanted to portray, despite that she being a naturally gifted in the sport athletically. JEFF GILLOOLY (Sebastian Stan), Tonya’s ex husband. He and Tonya had a turbulent relationship on a need to be loved perhaps without truly loving the other. He was the one who shifted the plan of sending death threats to Nancy and altered it into bashing Nancy’s leg that lead her to step out of the competition. LAVONA GOLDEN HARDING (Allison Janney), Tonya’s mother. Despite that she paid for Tonya’s expensive figure skating lessons, she was very abusive toward her physically and emotionally, never believing that she was good enough in any aspect and pulled her from school to focus solely on figure skating. DIANE ROWLINSON (Julianne Nicholson), Tonya’s figure skating coach. She was Tonya’s first and longest serving coach, who, for good or bad, largely let Tonya be Tonya in the way she presented herself to the Figure Skating world. SHAWN ECKARDT (Paul Walter Hauser), Tonya’s ex-bodyguard and Jeff’s friend. He is a dim bulb who believed him to be a bigger player in the big scheme of life than he actually was. NANCY KERRIGAN (Caitlin Carver), Tonya’s competitor in figure skating but really was her friend. Unlike Tonya, she was everything that figure skating community wanted to be a representative. MARTIN MADDOX (Bobby Cannavale), a sport journalist and a fictional character. He who provides general commentary of what the sports media as a collective wanted out of Tonya and the Incident.

QUESTIONS

How realistic is the plot of this story? Aside from this film is indeed a true-to-life event, the amazingly flexible plot elucidates primitive happenings in our society this days. One is that the story highlighted the conflict love story between Tonya Harding and her husband Jeff Gillooly, this only explains how easy couples during this time gives up in love. It also showed how a person can be thoroughly abused if he/she still holds on even if it means gripping to a barb wire, though lacerated yet still chose to grip tight. Our society today needs a massive learning about marriage before indulging into it, to note that it is holy. Another one is that the story also emphasized how Lavona Harding, Tonya’s mother choked her to be the best she can be. It was shown on the story how her mother really wanted her to be best in the field of figure skating until such time that she physically abused her just because a lot can still do better than her. We should always put in mind that no passion will be furnished if it will go process beyond ordinary, time and effort is only needed and not conforming and abuse. With that lies the awakening of Tonya’s inner monstrous personality. Due to her mother’s approach, she became a beast in her own way, aloof and too competitive. That then made her to do everything just to reach her ultimate goal. It only proves how people strive to reach goals even without undergoing accurate steps. Sometimes we go way too far from the box just to prove ourselves. Our passion should be our anchor to instill ourselves from what is always right, not a driving wheel which we use to create our own route even if it means colliding with mountains or icebergs. Lastly, what Jeff has done also proves that people will do everything just to win love again. It was in the movie that Tonya planned to send Nancy death threats to back out from the competition but Jeff planned even worst. We should always take into account that non-working relationships simply mean that you both are of different universe. Once it failed, it is very hard to repair, that’s why some do worst tasks just to win back love. The above inputs only proves how the movie I,Tonya is very significant. Its realistic plot really involved numerous dilemmas in our society these days.

Find a quote/line that stands out to you and explains why you chose it. “so… uhm, you… you would never gonna let me skate again? So , uhm.. I cannot.. I mean’ I’d rather do the jail time, it would only take me 18 months… they got 18 months, I’ll do that. Your honor, I don’t have an education and all I know is skating, that’s all I know… and I am no one if I can’t.. if can’t, skate. I mean, I am not some monster and I am just trying to do my best with what I am good with… and its like your giving me a life sentence.. Skating is my life, there lives my passion, and that without it, I… who am I?… I mean, I can’t do that… uhm, please, just send me to jail and I can still skate… just send me to jail and that I can still skate!” It was the line uttered by Tonya Harding in front of the court after the judge read and ordered her verdict including her complete detachment from the field of figure skating. This line simply represents how I adored this movie, Tonya, a very passionate character to which a lot can really connect with. It was shown in the movie that even if Tonya Harding topped the US Figure Skating Championship and fell rank 1 on the national ranking, the association at first did not allowed her to take part on the 1994 Winter Olympics because they wanted someone who could be an image of grace. Her messed up relationship with her ex-husband Jeff made it very hard for her to be that perfect image representation of US Figure Skating. That’s why I became attached with the film, because like Tonya I may sometimes strive to fit in but people always disregard talent and rather shift toward emphasizing image. They prefer modality, I mean they wanted that form rather than substance. Just like her I will do anything to restore my passion, but I will clearly emphasize this one, Tonya went to shadows for her passion but I will keep the light for my passion. What I mean is that ‘though a lot will question my passion, I will still strive for my worth. Just like Tonya, she lived by her passion, it was her oxygen and by the time she was ordered to depart from it, it really touched my heart from the time she beg to the judge no to do it. To highlight, we should always be careful of what we do or we plan to do, because whatever we throw will always go back to its thrower. We should just simply strive for our passion even if a lot degrades our capability, ‘though we may not reach our ends but at least we did it in the right way. Write a poem form a character’s viewpoint. The ice was clearly my companion,

The sharp skating blades were my foundation,

The cold ring was my preferred destination,

I knew figure skating was my passion.

I strive to top the food chain,

To rise above the mud of the past rain,

I not know such as failures nor pain,

Everybody knew my achievements were all insane

I tried to follow a path I thought was right,

I took risk to stay in the spotlight,

I knew I was with the crowd’s hottest sight,

That time, I knew nothing but “I and my triumphed fights”

I thought I was better at my state,

But the woman I first saw degraded my proud rate,

Hence I shifted in seeing that this is a talent innate,

And that conquering every battle is my fate

But the people around believed not on my ability,

They rather idolize someone who has better image and credibility,

Then was I left in insanity,

Does skills without image a disability?

Since then the battle for passion was lit,

The drive to reign started to spit,

In my mind, to slain should be met,

Then the quest required me no sweat.

Forgive me God, for I will do this action,

Threatening to death was my only option,

I am determined to do so and needs no conversation,

I surely will do so just to prove my passion.

But beyond my understanding my plans messed,

Every single cell was stressed,

The plan to send threats got worse,

Then I just wanted to escape as fast as a horse.

Trials aroused, fake speeches then came,

The newly born battle was unseen at the farther part of the lane,

My passion then suffered a painful sprain,

And the achievements I worked, in just a snap, was found in the drain.

The passion I worked hard eroded,

My mischief and my efforts collided,

Once the verdict of complete ban from figure skating was said,

I completely felt I was already dead.

Then I knew this is worse than a broken bone,

This is worse than verdicts to imprison and be alone,

This is worse than raging throws of stone,

It is always worse than to softly kill your own.

Though I denied accepting the punishment,

Even if it felt stabbing every utterance of the statement,

But them removing my passion and just deal with contentment,

It felt, In a lifeless journey, I was being sent.

[a poem personally written from Tonya Harding’s Perspective]

#literarylog

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apsbicepstraining · 6 years

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Why do we feel so guilty all the time?

The long speak: Food, fornication, fund, operate, house, sidekicks, health, politics: theres good-for-nothing we cant feel guilty about, including our own sensations of guilt

I feel guilty about everything. Already today I’ve detected guilty to the charges having said the wrong stuff to a sidekick. Then I experienced guilty to the charges evading that pal because of the incorrect event I’d said. Plus, I haven’t called my mother yet today: guilty. And I truly should have organised something special for my husband’s birthday: guilty. I made the wrong kind of meat to my child: guilty. I’ve been cutting corners at work lately: guilty. I skipped breakfast: guilty. I snacked instead: double guilty. I’m taking up all this infinite in a world-wide with not enough space in it: guilty, guilty, guilty.

Nor am I feeling good about seeming bad. Not when sophisticated pals never fail to remind me how self-involved, self-aggrandising, politically conservative and morally stunted the guilty are. Poor me. Guilty about guilty. Filial shame, fraternal regret, spousal remorse, maternal remorse, peer shame, duty guilt, middle-class regret, white-hot shame, radical shame, historic shame, Jewish remorse: I’m guilty of them all.

Thankfully, there are those who say they can save us from remorse. Harmonizing to the popular motivational speaker Denise Duffield-Thomas, scribe of Get Rich, Lucky Bitch !, shame is” one of the more common thoughts women accept “. Guilty wives, pulled by guilt into hampering their own tracks to increased property, influence, cachet and joy, merely can’t seem to take advantage of their advantages.

” You might feel guilty ,” Duffield-Thomas writes,” for wanting more, or for spending money on yourself, or for taking time out of your busy family life to work on improving yourself. You might feel guilty that other beings are good, that your friend is anxious, that there is still starving people in the world .” Sure enough, I do feel guilty for those concepts. So, it is something of a relief to hear that I can be helped- that I can be self-helped. But, for that to happen, what I must first understand is that a) I’m worth it, and b) none of these structures of world inequality, predicated on historic sins, are my fault.

My guilt, in other words, is a sign not of my guilt but of my innocence – even my victimhood. It’s only by forgiving myself for the wrongs for which I produce no direct responsibility that I can discover to secrete my” fund blockings and live a first-class life”, according to Duffield-Thomas.

Imagine that: a first-class life. This sort of advice, which frames guilt as our most fundamentally impeding emotion, takes revelations from psychoanalytic and feminist thinking and transforms them into the language of business motive. The promise is that our remorse is also possible expiated by making money.

It’s an idea that might resonate especially in the German speech, where shame and indebtednes are the same word, schuld . One recollects, for example, of Max Weber’s thesis about how the” feeling of capitalism” conflates our worldly and heavenly riches, on the basis that what you make in this world-wide too dishes as a measure of your spiritual goodnes, since it depends on your capacity for hard work, discipline and self-denial.

But what Weber calls” salvation nervousnes” within the Protestant work ethic has the opposite result to the self-help manual’s promise to liberate entrepreneurs from their remorse. For Weber, in fact, the capitalist chase of profit does not increase one’s shame, but actively exasperates it- for, in an economy that reproves stagnation, there can be no rest for the wicked.

So, the shame that bricks and inhibits us also propel us to labor, undertaking, operate, to grow relentlessly productive in the hope that we might- by our good works- rid ourselves of regret. Guilt thus yields us productive and unproductive, workaholic and workphobic- a conflict that might explain the extreme and even violent sections to which beings sometimes will go, whether by scapegoating others or sacrificing themselves, to be rid of what many beings consider the most insufferable emotion.

What is the potency of regret? With its inflationary logic, guilt examines, if anything, to have accumulated over meter. Although we tend to blame religion for condemning gentleman to life as a sinner, the guilt that are able to once have attached to specific weakness- frailties for which religious communities could prescribe appropriate atonement- now seems, in a more secular epoch, to surface in relation to just about anything: nutrient, sex, coin, cultivate, unemployment, vacation, health, fitness, politics, lineage, acquaintances, colleagues, strangers, presentation, traveling, the environmental issues, you call it.

Equally, whoever has been tempted to suppose that rituals of public humiliation are a macabre remnant of the medieval past clearly hasn’t been much attention to our life online. You can’t expect to get by for long on social media without someone pointing an accusatory thumb at you. Yet it’s hard to be thought that the presiding feel of our age, the envious and indignant troll, would have such easy pickings if he could not already feel a smell of guilt-susceptibility emanating from his prey.

It wasn’t meant to be like this. The enormous reformers of modernity are presumed to uproot our regret. The theme of countless high-minded criticisms, shame was accused by modern intellectuals of exhausting “peoples lives” out of the americans and inducing our psychological impairment. It was said to stir us strong( Nietzsche ), neurotic( Freud ), inauthentic( Sartre ).

In the latter part of the 20 th century, many critical conjectures gained academic credibility, particularly within the humanities. These were beliefs that sought to show- whether with reference to class relations, race relations, gender relations- how “were all” cogs in a larger system of supremacy. We may play our roles in regimen of oppression, but we are also at the blessing of obliges larger than us.

But this raises questions about personal responsibility: if it’s true that our particular situation is underpinned by a complex network of social and economic relations, how can any individual genuinely claim to be in control or solely responsible for her own life? Considered in such an impersonal illuminate, shame can seem an unhelpful hangover from less self-aware times.

As a teacher of critical hypothesi, I know how crucial and revelatory its insights is also possible. But I’ve rarely likewise suspected that our desire for systematic and structural forms of explain may be fuelled by our feeling at the prospect of discovering we’re on the wrong side of history.When held indelicately, explanatory conjectures can offer their adherents a foolproof system for knowing exactly what scene to deem, with impunity, about pretty much everything- as if one could take out an insurance policy to be sure of ever being right. Often, very, that’s as far as such criticism takes you- into a right-thinking that doesn’t necessarily organise itself into right-acting.

The notion that our scholastic frameworks might be as much a reaction to our guilt as a remedy for it might chime familiar to a religious person. In the biblical narrative, after all, man “falls” when he’s seduced by return from the tree of lore. It’s “knowledge” that extends him out of the Garden of eden into an exile that has yet to extremity. His shame is a constant, nagging remember that he has taken this wrong turn.

Illustration: A Richard Allen

Yet even within that source we see how man’s remorse can be misleading- as slippery and seductive as the serpent who led him astray. For if follower has sinned by tasting of lore, the shame that penalise him recite his misdemeanour: with all its finger-wagging and tenor of” I told you so”, regret itself is just coming up as exceptionally knowing. It keeps us, as the psychoanalyst Adam Phillips has written, in thrall to that digesting and repetition tone inside our foreman that endlessly chastens, criticises, censors, reviewers and learns blame with us, but” never delivers us any bulletin about ourselves “. In our impressions of shame, we seem already to have the measure of who it is we are and what it is we’re capable of.

Could that be the same reasons for our remorse? Not our absence of knowledge- but preferably our presumption of it? Our frantic need to be sure of ourselves, even when which is something we think about ourselves is that we’re worthless, unproductive, the pits? When we feel guilty we at least have the consolation of being certain of something- of knowing, lastly, the right way to seem, which is bad.

This may be why we’re addicted to crime dramas: they are consistent with our wish for certainty , no matter how grisly that certainty is. At the opening up of a detective legend, we’re conscious of international crimes, but we don’t know who did it. By the end of the story, it has been discovered which culprit is guilty: instance closed. Thus guilt, in its popular rendering, is what alters our ignorance into knowledge.

For a psychoanalyst, nonetheless, thinks of regret don’t inevitably have any connection to being guilty in the eyes of the law.Our love of regret may be a revelation, but they usually precede the accusation of any misdemeanour- a detailed description of which not even the guilty person can be sure.

So, while the fibs we favor may be the ones that uncover guilt, it’s equally possible that our own shame is a cover story for something else.

Although” the descent” is initially a biblical legend, forget religion for a moment. One can just as well narrate a more recent and assuredly secular tale of the fall of man. It’s a “story” that has had innumerable narrators, perhaps none finer or more insistent than the German Jewish postwar critic Theodor Adorno. Writing in the wake of the Holocaust, Adorno debated famously that whoever exists in a nature that could grow Auschwitz is guilty, at least insofar as they’re still party to the same civilisation that established the requirements of the Auschwitz.

In other words, guilt is our unassailable historical ailment. It’s our contract as modern beings. As such, says Adorno, we all have a common responsibility after Auschwitz to be vigilant, lest we collapse once more into the ways of gues, accepting and reacting that fetched down this guilty verdict upon us. To make sense after Auschwitz is to risk complicity with its barbarism.

For Adorno very, then, our knowledge interprets us guilty, rather than hindering us safe. For a modern imagination, this could well seem stunning. That said, perhaps the more surprising boast of Adorno’s representation of guilt is the idea expressed in his doubt” whether after Auschwitz you can go on living- especially whether one who escaped by collision, one who by rights should have been killed, may go on living. His mere existence calls for the coldness, fundamental principles of bourgeois subjectivity, without which there could have been no Auschwitz; this is the drastic regret of him who was spared “.

For Adorno, the regret of Auschwitz belongs to all of western civilisation, but it’s a shame he presupposed would be experienced most keenly by” one who escaped by accident, one who by rights should have been killed”- the Jewish survivor of the second world war.

Adorno, who had left Europe for New York in early 1938, was perhaps attesting to his own appreciation of guilt. Yet his insight is one we likewise get from psychologists who worked with concentration camp survivors after the crusade; they found that” senses of guilt is complemented by disgrace, self-condemnatory propensities and self-accusations are experienced by the victims of the abuse and apparently much less( if at all) by the perpetrators of it “.

What can it mean if preys feel guilty and perpetrators are guilt-free? Are objective regret( being guilty) and subjective regret( detecting guilty) totally at odds with one another?

In the years after the crusade, the concept of “survival guilt” tended to be viewed as the byproduct of the victim’s discovery with their assailant. The survivor who may subsequently is very hard to forgive herself because others have died in her home – why am I still there when they are not?- may also feel guilty because of what she was forced to collude with for the sake of her existence. This need not suggest any incriminating war on her place; her regret may simply be an subconscious route of registering her past preference that others accept instead of her.

On this basis, then, it may be possible to think of survivor’s regret as a special case of the regret we all accept when, aware or oblivious, we’re glad when others, rather than ourselves, sustain. Plainly, that’s not a charming suffer, but neither is it a hard one to understand. Still, there remains something deep awkward about accepting that survivors of the worst transgressions should feel any regret for their own survival. Instead, shouldn’t we be trying to save the survivor from her( in our view) mistaken sensations of remorse andthus launch, without smirch or quibble, her absolute innocence?

This understandable impulse, according to the academic historian Ruth Leys, looked the above figures of” the survivor” emerge in the period after the second largest world war, alongside a shift in focus from the victim’s feelings of remorse toward an insisting on the victim’s innocence. This translation, Leys indicates, involved superseding the concept of guilt with its open cousins, shame.

The difference is crucial. The prey who detects guilt undoubtedly has an inner life, with planneds and desires- while the main victims who detects shame seems to have had it bestowed to areas outside. The victims of damage therefore turns out to be the objects rather than the issue of history.

Shame, then, tells us something about what one is , not what one does- or would like to do. And so the effect of this well-intentioned shifting in emphasis may have been to cheats the survivor of agency.

It may be inviting is of the view that survival guilt is an extraordinary case, having regard to the abject powerlessness of the victims of these damage. But, as we will see, attempts to disclaim the validity of the regret of others often have the similar the consequences of denying their purposes as well. Mull the case of vehicles of” radical remorse”, the guilt we all love to hate.

Liberal guilt has become a shorthand for describing the individuals who look keenly a lack of social, political and economic right, but are not the ones who suffer the brunt of it. Harmonizing to the cultural pundit Julie Ellison, it first took hold in the US in the 1990 s, on the back of a post-cold-war fragmentation of the left, and a loss of religion in the utopian politics of collective action that had characterised an earlier generation of revolutionaries. The liberal who detect guilty has given up on the collective and recognises herself to be acting out of self-interest. Her guilt is thus a sign of the gap between what she feels for the other’s suffering and what she will do actively to facilitate it- which is not, it is about to change, a great deal.

As such, her remorse foments much enmity in others , not least in members of the public who detects himself the object of the liberal’s shame. This person, AKA ” the main victims”, understands only too well how seldom the sadnes he derives in the guilty liberal is likely to lead to any significant structural or the political developments for him.

Rather, the only “power” to be redirected his mode is not political capability, but the moral or affective superpower to attain those more fortunate than he is find even more guilty about the privileges they are nonetheless not inclined to give up.

But just how in control of her beliefs is the guilty liberal? Not exceedingly, thoughts Ellison. Since moods aren’t readily confected, her guilt is often used to assail her unbidden, rendering her highly performative, egotist, even hysterical. In her shame, she experiences a” loss of dominate”, although she remains awareness at all epoches of an audience, before whom she seems she must show how spectacularly sorry she is. Her regret, then, is her room of “acting out”, celebrating a agitation in the radical who doesn’t know herself quite as well as her guilt would have her think.

The idea of guilt as aninhibiting emotion shows the common commentary of radical regret: that, for all the suffering it induces, it fails wholly to motivate the guilty subject to bring about meaningful political change.

But what if the liberal’s regret actually has another purpose, to tolerate the radical respite from the thing she may( unconsciously) seem as bad about: the lack of a established identity that tells her who she is, what her responsibilities are and where these come to an end.

If anything can be said to characterise the notoriously woolly radical, guilt may be it. Liberal regret suggests a certain class( middle ), hasten( lily-white) and geopolitical( developed countries) place. As such, despite the anguish it brings to those who suffer it, it might, paradoxically( and, again, unconsciously ), be reassuring for someone whose real neurosis is that she seems her identity is so mobile and altering that she knows how never fairly be sure where she stands.

If this is what principally regards her, then one might see her remorse as a feeling that tells her who she is, by virtue of telling her who she is failing to be for others. Who is the radical? She who suffers on account of those who suffer more than she.( I know whereof I express .)

This may be mentioned why, in recent years, the committee had been organizing disapproval of the liberal’s sensibilities. To her pundits, the radical really is guilty. She’s guilty of a) secretly resenting martyrs for how their suffers clear her suffer, b) drawing attention away from them and back towards her, c) having the bravery to make an exhibition out of her self-lacerations and d) doing practically good-for-nothing to challenge the status quo.

For reviewers of the guilty radical, in other words, appearing guilty is part of their own problems, rather than the solution. And hitherto this disapproval is itself subject to the same accusation. Passed that criticising someone for appearing guilty is exclusively going to represent them find guiltier, guilt has, as we’ve seen, supported a tricky resist- one that its various modern fightings have yet to defeat.

Once again, hence, in the event of its liberal remorse, we encounter a appear so devilishly slick that it recites their own problems in the course of professing it. Because there is, of course, a species of guilt that does not induce us to act, but prevent us from acting. This type of guilt takes the uncertainty of our relations with others( and our responsibility for others) and shifts them into an object of certainty and knowledge.

But since the “object” in this case is our own soul, we can see how liberal shame, extremely, mutates guilt into a version of shame.Shame, in fact, could well be a more precise appellation for what motivates the guilty liberal in her public and private self-condemnations.

However, before we declare the radical” guilty as charged”- as in guilty of the incorrect various kinds of guilt – it’s worth reminding ourselves of the survival guilt that has likewise been viewed by numerous as shame of the wrong manner. For as we observed in that case, in seeking to “save” the main victims from her remorse, the main victims becomes deprived of the very thing that is likely to discriminate her from the objectifying aggression that has assailed her: a sense of her own planneds and desires, nonetheless vigorous, perverse or frustrated these might be.

For this reason, then, it’s vital to preserve the notion of survivor’s shame( and, despite obvious changes, radical guilt) as that who were able to hitherto return to the survivor( or the liberal) a dominance of agency such as must be absolutely necessary if she is to have a future that isn’t fixed, by the resolving or absolving of her guilt, to reproduce the past ad infinitum.

If religion often gets the accuse for framing follower as sinner, the secular great efforts to release serviceman from his regret hasn’t offered much relief. The Italian philosopher Giorgio Agamben been shown that subjective innocence belongs to a bygone age, the age of the sad hero. Oedipus, for example, is someone whose objective remorse( parricide, incest) is matched by the subjective innocence of the man who acts before he knows. Today, however, says Agamben, we find the opposing statu: modern human is objectively innocent( for he has not, like Oedipus, slaughtered with his own hands ), but subjectively guilty( he knows that his solaces and insurances have been paid for by someone, somewhere, probably in blood ).

By falsely predicting a tabula rasa bound to his historical and intellectual liberation, modernity may not only have failed to obliterate man’s subjective guilt, but may even have exacerbated it. For what numerous a modern serviceman are punishable by is less his actions than his addiction to a form of lore that seems to have inhibited his capacity for action. As such, the religion assignation of person as sinner- a crash, abject, endlessly compromised, but also active, effective and changeable man- begins to look comforting by comparison.

Such a look also shares often in common with any particular psychoanalytic perception of regret as a blocked pattern of invasion or anger toward those we need and enjoy( God, parents, guards, whomever we depend on for our own survival ). But if guilt is the feeling that typically impedes all other( interred, quashed, unconscious) sensations, that is not in itself a reason to obstruct detects of shame. Seems, after all, are what you must be prepared to feel if they are to move you, or if you are to feel something else.

Main instance by A Richard Allen

Adapted from Appearing Jewish( A Book for Just About Anyone) by Devorah Baum, which will be published by Yale University Press on 19 October at PS18. 99. To buy it for PS16. 15, going to see bookshop.theguardian.com or call 0330 333 6846. Free UK p& p over PS10, online orders only. Telephone orderings min p& p of PS1. 99.

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