"MC, Who's Best in Bed??":
*on an average HoL morning, the MC is trying to enjoy a cup of tea in the dining room but there's been nothing but shouting in the House for about an hour now... They’re nearly at their wits end when the seven culprits come marching in the room themselves, glaring at esch other. Before MC can even speak, Asmo takes initiative and slams his hands down onto the table, making their teacup clatter*
Asmo: MC, you have to be the one settle this! Which one of us is best in bed???
*the MC... almost does a spit take*
MC: Excuse me???
Mammon: You heard'em! You outta know by now, so who is it??
*the MC looks at their demons like they've gone mental, but seven pairs of eyes stare back at them expectantly, hell, even determinedly. Seeing that they likely can't weasel out of this, the MC gives in with a sigh*
MC: .... Do you really want to know?
Asmo: Of course!!
Satan: We promise we'll be alright with whoever you choose...
Mammon: But it's gonna be me, right??
Satan: Shut up, Mammon!! 😡
MC: Well... if I have to pick...
MC: It's gotta be Lucifer.
Lucifer: *smiles REAL wide for a guy who's been pretending that this conversation is juvenile and beneath him...*
Lucifer: Well. I think that settles that.
*he walks over and arrogantly kisses the back of MC's hand while his brothers all groan somewhere between irritation and disappointment...*
Mammon: Look what ya did, MC, he's never gonna get over himself now!!
Lucifer: Mammoooon?
Mammon: 😨 Shit!
MC: It is Mammon, actually.
Mammon: Eeh-?? Er, s-SEE I TOLD YA!!
*he tries to act proud, and he is, but it's pretty obvious to everyone that he got caught off guard and is flustered as hell*
Mammon: W-who else could it be but the Great Mammon? Right??? This is why I'm their first!!
*Mammon continues to loudly bluster and gloat as MC gets up from the table, taking their teacup with them*
MC: It sure is~
*they peck him on the cheek, which bluescreens his brain while his brothers scoff in disgust*
Belphie: Geez, at least get a room first guys... 🙄
MC: You won’t believe me, but it's Levi.
*the brother stop, collectively look at each other, and then shake their heads*
All (INCLUDING Levi): We don't believe you.
MC: *shrugs nonchalantly and takes another sip of tea* What'd I tell ya?
Asmo: MC, you can't be serious...
MC: *looks him dead in the eye* Two. Dicks. Need I say more? Because I can! He can also-mph!!
*a confused MC gets a hand clamped over their mouth by a mortified Levi, who's still puttering around to figure out how he should feel*
Levi: M-MC! Please...!! 😣
Satan: So there ARE some things that better left unknown... Fantastic... 😰🤢
MC: It’s actually you, Satan!
Satan: *blinks* Eh? Oh really...?
*already turning his head towards Lucifer with a BIG shit-eating grin*
Satan: What do you know? Looks like we've heard it, haven't we?
Lucifer: *angerily covering up his frustration behind a stone cold poker face* So we have... Not that it matters.
Satan: Hm. Your face says otherwise. 😏
Lucifer: Don't push your luck....
MC: Asmo. It's Asmo, it's obviously Asmo!!
Asmo: THANK YOU!!
Asmo: Honestly, it's like no one understands my job description here!!
Asmo: I can, will, and do fuck better than all of you! You just have to accept that. 😌
Mammon: Ugh! Give it a rest already... 😮💨
MC: You know what? It's Beel.
*the brothers stop and collectively look at their absolute UNIT of a sibling.... then breathe a combined sigh of defeat*
Beel: *flustered pink from embarrassment, but still very happy to hear it* Thank you, MC. 😊
MC: You're welcome, Beel! 🙂
MC: Weirdly enough, it's Belphie...
Belphie: What do you mean, "weirdly?"
MC: I mean, if we were just going based off resumes here, I wouldn't exactly put yours on top.
MC: But you're living proof "work smarter, not harder" are words to live by. Your technique is flawless!
Belphie: .... I'm not sure how to feel about this anymore....
Bonus:
MC: *gives a blank, thousand yard stare into the middle distance*
Mammon: Uhhhm.... MC? Still there?
MC: I just realized something... I'm really am going to Hell...
Levi: Huh? But you're already here...?
MC: *gets up from the chair and starts to jog away urgently* I think I need a priest...
Belphie: What? Why?? Is being here a problem to you??? 🤬
MC: *calls out as they skid past the doorway* It is because I'm fucking an angel!!! 😫
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