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lilmaymayy · 19 days
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hey yall procrasinating hw, yall got any good remus fics🥸
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-ill read any but id love some fluff😇😇😇🤭
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You Know I Think I Recognise Your Face
North Country Boy Chapter 2
Pairing: Simon “Ghost” Riley x AFAB!OC
TW: swearing, angst, awkward teenagers (yeah, I know)
Words: 2.1k
Synopsis: Jules meets some of her new team mates and lets the Lt know where her boundaries lie.
Captain Price awkwardly cleared his throat, shaking Jules from her frozen state. With a pointed look at his Lieutenant, Price then addressed his new Sergeant.
“Drop your kit in your room and join us for tea, eh? Don’t let it get cold.”
“Yes, Sir,” she replied.
Moving to follow him out of the briefing room she felt a hand wrap around her wrist.
“Ju…” Riley began, his voice quiet and low.
Her eyes glanced down to where his hand rested on her and then they were back on his face. She stared him down coldly without even a hint of expression until he released his grip and then she made her way out of the briefing room without a single backward glance, stooping to grab her kit bag as she passed.
Standing before the door to Room 3B, Jules stared at the handle and the card scanner above it. Price hadn’t given her the key-card. In the absence of any other option, she slid the card for her old room from the pocket of her pants and tapped it against the scanner, which chirped and flashed green. Jules smirked a little at the Captain’s deviousness and pushed down the handle.
The room was as nondescript as any other billet she’d bunked in over the years. She lay her kit bag down on the foot of the perfectly-straight covers and made a perfunctory scan around the space. There was a small window above the head of the bed, the sky beyond already beginning to take on the dusky hue of twilight, and a closed door to the left. Opening it, Jules was relieved to find a sink, toilet, and shower. The usual single wardrobe, chest of drawers, and bedside table completed the ensemble and she gave a small hum of satisfaction before making her way back downstairs to the mess.
Following the clamour of voices and the clatter of cutlery against china, Jules quickly located the mess again after Price’s rapid tour earlier. She pushed open the door and was hit by a wall of noise and smells of food from the kitchens. Casting her eye about she did a recce of the room and quickly surmised the order of things. Grabbing a tray from the stack by the wall she joined the queue at the hatch and then had her plate filled with a hearty beef stew and dumplings. Nodding her thanks to the server she found an empty seat at the end of one of the tables, filled a glass with water from the jug in the middle, and then settled in to eat her tea.
She’d barely managed two mouthfuls before her elbow was jostled by someone taking the seat to her left whilst another sat in front of her. She acknowledged both of them with a small nod and then went back to eating her food. When the expected conversation openers didn’t arrive she looked up to see both soldiers staring at her, broad grins on their faces. Swallowing awkwardly Jules offered them a strained smile in return but they said nothing and just carried on staring.
“Hi?” she said in bemusement.
“Hey,” one responded, whilst the other gave a “hullo”.
“Can I…help you?”
“Just comin’ ta gi’ ye a welcome,” the guy to her left said, his words thick with a Scottish accent.
“Thanks,” she replied, forking up another mouthful of stew.
“So you’re the spook from The Duke’s?” the other asked in reference to her affiliations with the Lancs and the SRR.
“That’s me.”
“Proper chatterbox aren’t ye?” the first teased, leaning his cheek on his hand.
Jules remembered him from the briefing now, one of the guys who’d heckled the Captain. MacTavish, he’d called him.
“MacTavish, right?” she asked.
“Aye!” He grinned, his eyes lighting up when she recalled his name. “That’s me. This is Gaz,” he added nodding at the fella opposite, who saluted goodnaturedly.
“Jules,” she offered, taking a gulp of her water as she mentally tried to match the names she’d been given to the list of 141 members that had been on Price’s data drive.
“Get an offer ye couldn’t refuse?” MacTavish pushed.
“I’m sorry?”
“The Captain there, gave ye an offer? Dug ye oot of a hole?”
Jules eyed him suspiciously and he held up his hands in a placating gesture.
“Don’ worry yeself, I’m no prying. Ye don’ have te say.”
“Let’s just say I had a problem with some orders, yeah?” Jules smirked, raising her glass again.
“Amen to that,” Gaz agreed, holding out his fist which Jules bumped with her own.
“Gaz…that’s Garrick, right?” she asked, which he confirmed with a nod. “You’re from the Duke’s too, yeah?”
Gaz opened his mouth to respond but his words stalled as he glanced over Jules’ shoulder towards the door. Raising his chin in greeting at whoever had entered, he then turned his attention back to her.
“Yeah, I did my time at Kimberley, so did the Lt, actually. Hey Ghost!” he called across the room. “The newbie’s one of ours.”
Jules stiffened in her chair at the mention of the Lieutenant’s name. She saw MacTavish beckoning him over and held her breath, trying to focus on getting another forkful of stew into her mouth in an attempt to disguise the rising tide of her anger. To her utter relief she saw him shake his head and leave the room with his plate of stew.
“Thought we had him there for a minute, Soap,” Gaz sighed, shaking his head.
“Soap?” Jules asked, a little confused.
“Aye, tha’s me,” MacTavish said.
“Why Soap?”
“‘Cause he’s good at cleaning house,” Gaz offered, whilst MacTavish beamed at her.
Jules couldn’t suppress the snicker that bubbled up from her throat, grateful for the distraction. It was short-lived, however, when Soap began his “not prying” line of questions once more.
“So ye ken oor Ghostie then?” he asked, not missing Jules awkwardness.
“Like I said before, I used to. Not seen him in ten years,” she shrugged off the question.
“Ooooh, so you know the man behind the mask…” Gaz speculated, his eyes widening with the anticipation of gossip.
“I wouldn’t say that,” Jules replied, swallowing the last of her water. “A lot can change in that amount of time.”
“But what’s he look like though?” he pressed, eager for any speck of gossip about their Lt.
“What d’ya mean?” Jules asked, becoming more perplexed by the minute.
“Never takes his mask off,” Soap offered with a shrug.
“You mean never as in…never? At all?” Jules’ voice was thick with incredulity.
“Nope, never.”
“Crazy-arse bastard,” she muttered, filing away that piece of information for later.
The two soldiers still stared at her expectantly, as if she were about to divulge some key piece of intel but she left them disappointed. She stood, scraping her chair backwards as she gathered her plate and cutlery.
“Sorry gents, it’s been a long and very weird day. I’m gonna turn in for some early shut eye ‘cause I’m sure tomorrow’s goin’ t’be just as crazy.”
“Too right,” Gaz agreed, but Jules had already left the table.
She deposited her tea things by the wash-up station and left the mess. The list of duties for the next day had already been pinned to the noticeboard opposite so she took a second to check it and groaned internally. For all intents and purposes it looked like she’d been let off lightly. There was an equipment audit scheduled for the afternoon and she wondered what that might entail but it was the morning’s activity that concerned her the most. It was a skills assessment which, under normal circumstances, wouldn’t have phased her but this one wasn’t led by the Captain, it was led by Lieutenant Riley. Shit.
Jules’ plans for an early kip were scuppered. Her brain just wouldn’t switch off and, after a couple of hours of tossing and turning she gave up. Leaving her bed with a frustrated huff she stuffed her feet into her trainers and made her way down to the mess for a glass of milk to try and reset her racing thoughts. Voices filtered into the corridor from the mess and she slowed her pace, automatically making her steps lighter and almost soundless.
“Ach, come on Lt, gi’ us a bit o’ somethin’ eh?” Soap’s voice carried loudly.
“Leave it alone, Johnny,” came the low and slightly muffled rumble from behind Ghost’s mask.
“Not even the tiniest bit of back story?” Gaz probed.
“I told you, I’m not gonna talk about it. We knew each other a long time ago, that’s it. You old hags are gonna have t’get your gossip somewhere else.”
It was then that Jules stepped into the room, which fell silent as the three guys turned their eyes in her direction.
“Don’t mind me,” she muttered, keeping her head down as she searched for the milk in the fridge.
“You joining us for a brew?” Gaz asked, shaking his mug of tea in her direction.
“No, ta,” she replied as she located the milk and filled herself a glass.
“Cannae sleep?” Soap queried sympathetically.
“Summat like that,” Jules said, downing her drink and then rinsing her glass. “Night, fellas.”
With a nod of acknowledgement to Gaz and Soap’s chorus of “g’night”, she left the room. Ghost had remained silent, simply folding his arms over his chest, but she could feel his stare boring between her shoulder blades long after she’d left his line of sight.
* * * * *
Juliette looked up from her desk, startled by the cough from her bedroom door. Her cheeks flamed red as she saw Simon lounging in the doorway, a lop-sided grin on his face.
“Whatcha reading?” he asked, nodding with his chin towards her book.
“Wuthering Heights,” she groaned, dying internally at the thought of her messy hair and the giant spot that had erupted on her forehead the night before. “I gotta annotate three chapters for homework.”
“Homework?” he scoffed. “You’re such a swot, Jules.”
“I am not,” she protested, shifting a stack of notes underneath the latest issue of Just 17 magazine. “I can’t understand the bloody thing anyway.”
“You got Mr Benedict for English?” Simon asked and when she nodded he stepped further into her room.
Juliette’s heart skipped a beat and she almost forgot how to breathe when Simon leaned over her desk and took her pen from her hand.
“I had him too, he loves Wuthering Heights. You need to be highlighting bits like this…and this…” he drew circles around phrases in the book. ‘And make sure you talk about pathetic fallacy. He’ll go mental for that.”
“Cheers, Simon,” she beamed and he smiled back at her.
“Not a fan of English then?” he asked as he straightened up and looked around at her room a bit more.
She prayed that she’d remembered to put all her dirty washing in the basket and that he wouldn’t notice the poster of Damon Albarn that she’d ripped out of Just 17 and pinned to the wall next to her bed.
“Nah, I like I.T. and Maths,” Juliette admitted, and she really did.
She loved computers and how they worked. Miss Talbot had promised to give her extra classes on coding if she passed her end of topic test next week.
‘Told you, you’re a total swot. Maybe even a geek.”
“Am not!”
“Yeah you are,” he teased, laughing as she smacked him on the arm. “I gotta go. If you need any more help just tap me up.”
“Yeah?” Juliette blushed again, relishing the thought of maybe spending more time with him without Rob being his usual twatty self.
“Course.”
“Mint,” she exclaimed, “Thanks Simon.”
“Laters, Jules,” he said as he left her room, throwing her a cheeky wink.
Juliette groaned and let her head thunk onto her desk. Her heart pounded a rapid tattoo but at least she remembered how to breathe again. Lifting her head she gazed at the pages of the novel where Simon had made notes for her in his distinctive boxy script. She pulled the book closer to her, vowing to keep it forever, but then nearly vomited in embarrassment as she caught sight of the piece of paper that had lain just under it, the writing clearly visible. Down the centre of the paper was written the words TRUE LOVE with numbers next to each letter but it was the names at the top of the page that made Juliette want to crawl into a hole and never return.
Juliette Kelsall and Simon Riley.
She’d never be able to look him in the face again.
Taglist: @aykxz98
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metalmonki · 4 months
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The Dating Odyssey: Eddie
Eddie Munson/Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington/Jim Hopper/Jonathan Byers x fem!reader
3.5k word count
fluff, idiot reader, reader who can't say no, choose your own adventure-ish
Part 1 / Steve's Ending / Jim's Ending
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That night you had a fitful sleep. You couldn’t stop thinking about who you would choose and how you were supposed to let the other guys know you weren’t interested. You gave up trying to get any decent sort of sleep at 4am. You instead choose to hop up and get ready for work. You showered, dressed, had breakfast and your morning coffee and waited for the time to roll around for you to go to work. When they time finally rolled around you collected all the essays Carol left you to mark and packed them into your bag. A smile playing on your face. You couldn't wait to see her reaction when all her students got A's it was also a great distraction to the current situation. You grinned as you made the quick walk from your apartment to your car. The whole drive to Hawkins High you kept glancing over your bag. If Eddies plan worked and this landed Carol in hot water you would have to find a way to thank him. When you reached the school you quickly grabbed your bag and hurried through the doors. You had not taken 5 steps inside when you were stopped by a voice behind you.
“Ah Miss y/l/n just who I wanted to see”
“Of Principle Higgins sir how can I help you?” You turned around facing him
“I need you to cover Miss Perkins English classes today she has come down sick and can't make it”
“Oh I would be delighted to sir” You smiled a little too excited
“Okay well her classes rotate with yours so you should be fine let me know if you need any help” Principle Higgins walked off towards his office
Taking Carols classes meant you weren't going to be leaving early today like a normal Monday but at least you could pull off Eddies plan without Carol knowing until it was way, way too late to change anything. You were so going to have to track him down after school let out to tell him though, he was going to freak out. You headed off to your classroom to begin setting up for the day. You knew you were going to need to use your time this morning as well as recces and some of lunch to make sure all the classes went smoothly. The bell rang at 8:30 and most of the students filled into your room. Actually it was almost all of the students except of course the usual suspects Lucas, Dustin, Mike, Will and Max. About 5 minutes into your lesson the classroom door slammed open and all 5 of them came crashing into the class tripping over each other, yelling and screaming.
“Oh hay y/n, uh sorry we're late we all kinda slept in” Dustin spoke up
“You all slept in? I find that hard to believe” You crossed your arms trying to be serious but at the same time wanted to laugh at them
“Yeah, we were playing DnD at Eddies trailer like all day yesterday and it got super late so Eddie let us stay because his a really nice guy like that and anyway as I said he let us stay overnight and we all really slept in and it's like extremely difficult to wake Eddie up cause he sleeps almost completely naked and none of us really wanted to go wake him so we had to flip a coin and Mike lost but he was way to much of a wuss to go into Eddies room so...”
“Dustin, Dustin, ssh just take a seat and see me after class, way to much information dude geez” it took all your strength not to laugh and the image of an almost naked Eddie wasn't helping either.
The party apologised and took their seats while you resumed the lesson. Today's lesson was a practical lesson. After you re-explained the instruction everyone broke off into their lab groups to do the experiment. Many of the other students where whispering amongst each other about Dustin using your first name and the casualness between the group and you. The obvious concern was if their all friends with the teacher does that mean the teacher will give them an easy pass. But just because they were your students and you guessed your friends doesn't mean they were going to get an easy pass. Senior science passed quickly but before you could move on to Eddies plan you needed to speak with Dustin and the others. The group remained seated and waited for all the other students to file out of the classroom before saying anything.
“Hay we're really sorry for being late to class it wont' happen again” Mike spoke up when the last student left the class
“I don't care about that” You said “Just try not to make me almost burst out laughing in front of my class again”
“We can do that” Lucas smiled
“Great whose class do you have next?”
“Carols english class” Dustin rolled his eyes
“Oh sweet so I'm teaching her class today so I won't have to write you guys a note, I just have one quick guestion”
“Sweet best teacher her” Max cheered
“Whats your question?” Mike asked
“Where does Eddie live?”
“He has the trailer across from Max out at the trailer park” Will spoke up
“We're headed out to Max's after school if you want us to show you?” Dustin offered
“Yeah sure I'll drive yous but uh someone may need to sit on the floor or the back seat will be very crowded”
“Oh Eddies going to pick us up so we can split between the cars” Dustin said
“I am so going with y/n I am not getting in the back of Eddies van again” Max said
The kids slung their bags over there shoulders and you all began walking in one large group to the next class room. Once they were seated you retrieved the large pile of essays from your bag. As you called the roll you had them come up and collect their essays. Whispers broke out all over the classroom as students started to realise they all got As. You had a small giggle at their excitement before calming them down and explain the class for the day. It was simple read the next few chapters in the book they had been reading and answer a simple question for homework or they could do it during class if they had time. When the recces bell range you were super excited about the rest of the day and how the rest of the students would react to their As. Recces was spent preparing for your next science lesson and picking chapters and questions for the next 2 English classes. The science lesson went by in a blur due to your excitement to get to the next English lesson. You may have been more excited and moved faster then your students when the bell rang to signal the end of class. Normally this is the point of the day where you would be headed to the staff room to finalize your paperwork for the day so you could leave at lunch time. But instead you had 3 more English classes all of which you decided to keep simple. Read the chapters answer the question. Most of Carols students wouldn't be taking home homework tonight if they worked fast enough. You took a seat at the teachers desk called for silence and began calling names and handing out essays. Just like before the As were met with excited whispers. Rinse and repeat until the last bell of the day sounded. A smirk broke out on your face as you raced to pack your bag and get out of there for the day. When you entered the hallway you were met with a commotion.
“Excuse me! Coming through! Move people move!” Dustin's voice rang out down the hall
Soon the group of misfit teens stood before you Dustin in the lead.
“You lot ready to go” You laughed
“Been ready to leave since I walked in this morning” Dustin threw him arms around in over exaggerated movements
“Great I just need to drop some stuff in the office and we'll be good to go if someone wants to go let Eddie know the plans” You looked between the kids
“I'll go” Dustin said running off
You shook your head at the boy and started towards the office with the others trailing behind you. They all apparently wanted to go in your car because they didn't trust Eddies driving, not to mention his van didn't have any seats in the back. You made your way quickly to the office, dropped all your paperwork on your desk and left before anyone could pull you up. You quickly made your way to the school parking lot the group still chatting away behind you. They always seemed to have something to chat about. You'd even noticed them passing letters in class but you never pulled them up on it because the always done there work and it didn't really seem like much of a distraction. You opened the doors to the parking lot to find Eddie conveniently parked next to your car. Dustin had already climbed into Eddies van and was impatiently yelling at you all out the window. You and the kids basically jogged over to your car. You opened up the car from them before quickly turning to Eddie who was standing patiently beside his van.
“Hay Munson” You smiled
“Hay y/l/n did the plan work?” Eddie had an evil smirk
“Thats for me to know and you to find out, now get in that death trap and lead the way” You laughed climbing into your car.
Eddie quickled climbed into his van and roared the engine to life. He speed out of the parking lot, leaving you to curse and try to speed to keep up with him. The last thing you needed was a speeding ticket or worse to be pulled over by the sheriff. But you made it to the trailer park without incident. Eddie brought his van to a stop outside what you guessed to be his trailer. You pulled up alongside the van. The teens immediately started falling over each other to get out of the car. Once out they ran screaming at each other to a trailer almost directly across from the one you were park outside of.
“I'm guessing that's Max's place?” You said to Eddie
“It sure is, and this is my castle” Eddie stretched his arms out while looking at his trailer “So sweetheart is there a reason you wanted to know where I lived?” Eddie smirked at you
“Oh well I wanted to come tell you how your plan worked out”
Eddie motioned to the front door of the trailer. He went first holding open the front door like a gentleman. Someone had really raised this man right. You stepped into Eddie trailer and couldn't help but look around. You found yourself stood in Eddies open lounge and kitchen area. The walls where decorated with mugs and caps. His uncle Wayne's he told you when he noticed you look. He guided you down the hallway that stood just off the kitchen. The hallway was small and had only two other doors in it. One lead to a tiny bathroom and the other was Eddie's room. And it was exactly what you thought Eddies room would look like. The guitar he played the other night hung on the wall next to a mirror that was almost covered in everything heavy metal. He had heavy metal band posters on the walls and a recorder player with a large pile of records and cassettes next to it. The room was a messy, the bed unmade. It truly matched the man that lived in it.
“I thought you said your Uncle lived here too?” You said
“Oh he sleeps on the couch, his never really home anyway his always working” Eddie shrugged “Now how did our plan go?”
You gave Eddie a big grin before jumping at him. Eddie despite being taken by surprise was able to react fast enough to catch you wrapped his arms under you butt to hold you up. You wrapped your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist.
“It worked perfectly Eds!” You giggled “And guess what Carol wasn't even there today so she had no idea what's just happened”
“Yeah Henderson wouldn't shut up about his A” Eddie chuckled
You stopped giggling and moved back from Eddie. He placed you gently on the floor but kept you in his arms. One of his hands came up to move a stray hair away from your face. Before you could react his lips where on yours. The kiss was full of love and passion. You found your hands moving back around Eddies neck and coming to a rest in his wild curly hair. His arms where wrapped around you waist holding you firmly against him. You never wanted that kiss to end. There was something in that kiss, something that seemed to make your decision for you. Your heart wanted Eddie but your brain was screaming at you that you couldn't go into a relationship with Eddie built on lies. You needed to tell him about the other dates. Steve was right they all deserved to know. You broke the kiss. You pulled back and looked up at Eddie.
“I'm sorry I couldn't help myself” Eddie blushed
“No Eddie I'm sorry” You sighed looking down to the carpet not wanting to face the man in front of you. The man whose heart you were probably about to shatter.
“You've done nothing wrong” Eddie placed a finger under your chin forcing you to look up at him.
“I lied to you Eddie” Your eyes started to fill with tears.
“Lied? About what?” Eddie tried to chuckle
“I did go on a date with Jonathan” You said “And with Steve”
“Shit, shit, shit” Eddie put his hands on his head and turned away from you
“I'm sorry Eds, I also went on a date with Billy and Hop over the weekend too” Might as well give him the whole picture you thought
“4 other dates, Jesus Christ!” Eddie was trying to keep his voice down but he was now pacing his room “I...I need time to think”
Eddie took off out of his trailer leaving you alone. You heard his van roar to life. The sound tear your heart to shreds. You fought back the tears that were about to fall and left Eddies trailer. You walked across the road to Max's trailer. You could see the teens peeking out a window clearly interested in what was happening between you and Eddie. But when they seen him speed off and you come walking out on your own they quickly ducked away from the window clearly not wanting to get caught. You knocked on the door of Max's trailer and she was super quick to answer.
“Oh y/n your still here” Max tried to act like she hadn't just seen you walk across the road from Eddies
“Yeah, uh, I'm actually about to head off and just wanted to see if anyone here needed a lift home” You said trying to sound happy
“No we're good here, Steve and Nancy where going to give us all lifts home” Dustin called out
“No problems, see you at school tomorrow” You called back
You waved to Max and made your way back to your car. You made the drive back to your apartment slow. So slow in fact that you got pulled over by none other then the sheriff himself. You cursed silently to yourself and wiped at the tears that had stained your face. You pulled the car over safety, Hop pulling in close behind you. Hopped climbed out of his car and walked towards your face head down not paying attention writing something in a note book. He only looked up when he got to your car.
“You do realise you were driving way below the speed limit right?” He said looking up “y/n what are you doing all the way out here?”
“Breaking hearts apparently” You sniffled
“Oh hay honey what's the matter?” Hop opened your car door and kneeled down beside you
“I just told Eddie Munson that I went on dates with not only him but you and 3 other guys this weekend” You spilled out before you could stop your self.
“Oh well that's impressive” Hop chuckled
“Your not mad”
“Oh I'm fricken' furious” Hop stood up “But ain't much I can do about it, just try to go the speed limit” Hop slammed your door a little too hard before walking back to his patrol car.
You sat in silence for a few minutes gathering your thoughts before starting on your way back home. Just as you pulled into your parking spot out the front of your building it started to pour down. Just what you needed you thought. The weather was just as miserable as you. You sat in your car and watched the rain run down the windscreen. You left your umbrella inside and you really didn't feel like getting wet. The plan was to wait for a break in the rain then make a run for it. You sat in your car for almost an hour with no signs of the rain stopping. It was then that you spotted a familiar mop of curly hair. Except the usually wild bouncy curl's where now soaked and flat clinging to the face of their owner. Eddie Munson was running through the rain and right to your door. He didn't see you sitting in the car. Instead he ran straight past and under the small amount of cover the front awning of your building provided. He rang the buzzer for your apartment and waited. You sat in shock, your brain racing to process what your eyes were seeing. Eddie pressed your buzzer a few more times but when there came no answer he dropped his shoulders and walked back out into the rain. You couldn't let him leave, you needed to apologise for everything, you needed to try to make things right. In one swift movement you were out of the car and standing on the side walk. Eddie had his back to you, walking slowly away.
“Eddie!” You shouted
Eddie spun on his heels. He jogged back over to you while you stood frozen in the rain. It was like a scene from a sappy romantic movie.
“You didn't answer the door” Eddie said coming to a stop in front of you
“I was sitting in my car” You said pointing to your car
“Look y/n I'm so sorry for everything” Eddie grabbed your hands “I love you, you drive me crazy in all the best ways, I want to be with you, I want to be yours and only yours forever, I spoke to Steve, Jonathan and Billy, I told them what you did and I told them I wouldn't force you to pick and they shouldn't either. It should be up to you. I don't know why you choose to go on so many dates, I don't know if you even liked any of us to begin with, I don't know if you love me as much as I love you, or if you want to be with me or if you've chosen someone else. All I do know is I couldn't let you go without tell you exactly how I feel”
You didn't know how to responded to Eddies speech. You didn't think there was any words good enough to say to something like that, so you did the one thing you knew would get across what you were feeling. You wrapped your arms around Eddie neck and pulled him into a kiss. Something Eddie accepted without delay. He wrapped his arms around your waist pulling you flush against him. Your lips moved perfectly together like two pieces of a puzzle. You were both completely soaked by this point but neither of your cared. Anyone walking past would think you were trying to completely every romantic cliché ever invented. You eventually pulled apart trying to fill your lungs with much needed air. Eddie smiled down at you still holding you in his arms. This all felt so right. You knew you found the one for you.
“Do you want to come inside and have a hot shower?” You asked
“That would be wonderful it's freezing out here” Eddie laughed as you ran to the front door of youe apartment.
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blitheringmcgonagall · 5 months
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If We Died Tonight
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For @mollymarymarie and @imsiriuslyreading a little Wolfstar angst with a happy ending… <33
If we could take a photo
Eternalize this moment
For the days when I don't believe
When our love gets stolen
'Cause there's no exception
And I know time will take you far from me
Let this night invade my lungs
You're all I wanna breathe
Right beside the lake, I burn for you
You burn for me
So kiss me the way that you would
If we died tonight
Hold me the way that you would
For the final time
Whatever may come, somewhere deep inside
There's always this version of you and I
So just kiss me the way that you would
If we died tonight, if we died tonight, yeah
All the deepest secrets
All the darkest moments
Oh, I promise they'll be safe with me
We've all been broken
There's no exception
But you carry it so gracefully
Let this night invade my lungs
You're all I want to breathe
Right beside the lake, I burn for you
You burn for me
(Kiss Me by Dermot Kennedy)
He finds Remus standing beside the edge of the Great Lake. He’s soaking, the rain pelting through his stupid battered jacket, the pointless one – not waterproof, and without a hood – wet curls plastered onto his face. His sodden, frayed jeans already clinging to his too thin frame, wearing his battered canvas shoes, completely useless in this weather, like an idiot. His shoulders hunched forwards – resigned, shivering. His eyes have a far-away, brooding expression, looking out at the grey waters lapping at his feet. It’s not unlike the look on his face before the full moon, except that expression is more resigned in its weariness. This one has more in common with hopelessness, a tiredness that sees no future.
He thinks he knows what that look means.
“What do you think about this whole spy thing?” Peter had asked him a week ago, interrupting Sirius’ thoughts.
“Fuck, Wormy,” Sirius said, putting down his fork with an irritated sigh. “I don’t even want to think about it.”
“But who could it possibly be?” said Peter, with terror in his voice.
“No clue, Wormy, no fucking clue!” Sirius said, picking up the fork again and moving food around his plate. “Dedalus Diggle? Seems a bit of an airhead though. Or Elphias Doge? But he’s a good friend of Dumbledore’s for years. It’s none of us, obviously. And it’s not the Prewetts, or Aberforth, or Hagrid, obviously. Not Marlene, the Longbottoms or Moody… I don’t fucking know. Who do you think it is?”
“I’ve no idea!” said Peter, his voice rising by an octave. “I wish I knew.”
“Yeah, listen, Wormy, don’t think about it too much. It’ll just make you paranoid.”
He’s already feeling very fucking paranoid himself.
“Thanks, Pads,” said Peter, with a forced smile. “I’ll try. If anyone had a reason to become the spy it’d be Moony, with all the anti-Werewolf shit that’s happening. But he’d be the last person to join Voldemort’s side. He’d rather die than join them.”
Sirius stared at Peter.
“Remus is literally the very last person I would ever suspect, Pads, don’t worry, I’m not a total moron! I’d sooner think it was me or you than Moony!” Peter laughed, shaking his head as though he had said something funny.
“Yeah, whatever…” Sirius let out a harsh breath.
“I’m joking, I swear!” Peter had squirmed, leaving the newspaper on the table as he left the room.*
Peter may well have been joking, but he hasn’t stopped thinking about this conversation, or that newspaper article, replaying it over and over and over when he lies awake at night, like a faulty record stuck on a groove, unable to sleep.
Remus was due to accompany him tomorrow on an Order mission to Shropshire, just the two of them, but at the last minute he bowed out, some pathetic excuse about having ‘double booked’ himself, about ‘needing to go on a recce for Dumbledore’. Which makes zero sense, because Dumbledore picked them, them specifically, to go to Shropshire. Which, by the way, he rarely does nowadays – not since the time James Fucking Potter told him he’s over-protective of Moony and therefore a liability on joint missions. Prick. He’s probably right, but he’s still a prick, regardless. He’s also his best friend and best brother.
Only brother.
Regulus Arcturus Black is missing, presumed dead, since December 1979, nearly two years ago. The spineless, soft, clueless, poor bastard idiot.
They say he’s dead, Death Eaters and Order members alike; Death Eaters taunting him, gloating, Cousin Bellatrix’s cackling laughter shouting it out with the aid of a Sonorus during battles, knowing he will hear it and how much it hurts him, ‘You betrayed him, disowned him, left him to die!’
Not strictly true, but he may as well have, a voice that sounds suspiciously like his mother tells him. He knows this already. Regulus point blank refused his help. His father made sure of it*. But he knows for a fact that he should have done more, forced Regulus to flee with him, made him renounce his upbringing, maybe even Imperiused him into…
Continue on ao3…
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ok I want poscast recc, I always want new poscasts (I already listened a lot of them) I love audio dramas but I have one pet peeve, audio quality has to be good. like, crystal clear. As long as audio is good I'll listen to pretty much anything. Pls help me. Thanks 🙏
hellooo !!! I rlly feel this one, since you've already listened to a lot of stuff I'll try to recommend shows I like that I believe are not as well known :
Life With Althaar - One of my favorite shows of all time, absolutely incredible + the team behind it is lovely
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The Cryptonaturalist - Quite enjoyable while walking around, chill vibes
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What's the Frequency ? - this one is so good, I haven't talked about it in a while but i love it, never heard anything like it afterwards 10/10
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Oblivity - very funny, would definitely recommend that everyone who likes comedy sci-fi tries listening to it
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Forgive me ! - believe me i didn't think I'd like that one either, but it's actually quite charming and very funny
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The Chronicles of Rolling Hills - the vibes are weird af but the show is very good, definitely a unique kind of listen
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Confessions from the Nocturne Nebula - Noir detective, short series, very well made, truly worth a try !!
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okay that was a lot but i already left so many out... hope you haven't already listened to all these, if not enjoy !! ♡
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megafaunatic · 7 months
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hi lore ^__^ i just picked up the dear prudence collection after seeing you talk about it in a tag and it interesting me, and i’m really enjoying it so far. i was curious if you have any other book reccs, or favorite books you have read this year? it can be any and unrelated to this one. thanks and hope you’re well!
HI ABIBI I LOVE U !!!!!!!!
THANK YOU FOR ASKING I HAVE LOTS OF BOOK RECS
for readers at home abi is referring to dear prudence by daniel lavery in which lavery goes on a lengthy aside about how "love languages" are bullshit. daniel lavery is hysterical and correct as always
some other books i've read and enjoyed in the last year or so (excluding older books like discworld and jeeves+wooster stories, both of which i have been tearing through and really enjoying; also excluding the super popular (gideon the ninth) (you should read gideon the ninth)):
OBVIOUSLY, WHEN THE ANGELS LEFT THE OLD COUNTRY BY SACHA LAMB. READ WHEN THE ANGELS LEFT THE OLD COUNTRY BY SACHA LAMB. see further lore yelling about this book here [literary ya fantasy]
our wives under the sea by julia armfield for a deeply sad lesbian eldritch horror take on submarine disasters. this book will ruin your day (honorific) [literary horror]
the singing hills cycle by nghi vo for a series of novellas you can read in any order! all about storytelling and what storytelling is and does and does to the teller and the listener. also has a super cool jianghu badass side character [fantasy]
y/n by esther yi for an absurdist story about how kpop fandom makes you insane and worse and grad school also makes you insane and worse and GOD FORBID you combine the two [absurdist literature]
witch king by martha wells for book 1 of what has GOT to be I KNOW IT'S A DUOLOGY i KNOW it is the sequel has just not been officially announced yet. but i think she said something at a con about how there's one in the works. THERE MUST BE. anyway really fun and interesting worldbuilding here [fantasy]
beyond ridiculous by kenneth elliot for a look into the world of DIY gay theater in NYC at the height of the aids crisis. REALLY artistically inspiring and also super fascinating just as a history of a scene and a friend group [nonfiction/theater history]
ok this one's both backlist and was very popular when it came out but probably most 25 year old tumblr users have not read it. well they should read the hare with amber eyes by edmund de waal for a deep DEEP dive into the complicated world of rich jewish art collectors + socialites in odesa, vienna, and paris in the 1800s through the early 1900s by tracing the object history of a collection of netsuke from the opening of japan through the changing landscape of central + western europe and then back to japan [nonfiction/art history]
currently i'm reading cancipin by priest which is a space opera danmei that seeks to answer the questions "could it ever be ethical to do genetic engineering" "how do you build a just society" "is it ever worth it to give up your freedom in exchange for safety and convenience" "how do you keep going after the destruction of your entire planet" "what if data star trek were a beautiful young man and part time robot arm who was best friends with the worst gay people in the entire world" [sci fi/romance]
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eggdrawsthings · 2 years
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Hi! Same anon here. I was asking about how to draw such expressive figures like your drawings. I noticed even when you were drawing a character standing still, it still looks so alive and dynamic. My drawings always ended up looking so stiff and out of balance. It's weird. Sorry for the trouble and thank you for your time 🥺🙏
Hey! Sorry about all of that. Again, I don't consider myself as someone worthy to ask advice from lol, but I'll try to mention whatever i can think of from the top of my head, so sorry if it's too random. Also, I actually answer sth similar here regarding my process of drawing poses.
You see, when standing still, we tend to shift to one side and put our weight either on the left or right foot, leaning more forward or backward. You want to have the weight shift happening in your drawing too. It makes the figure looks interesting, just by shifting weight to one side, tilting the shoulder a bit, or even twisting the body a little. I learn this from studying Brian Matyas's drawings. He always shifts the character to one side when he's drawing a relaxed standing pose. Also, notice how the shoulder and the hip are always tilted to the opposite side. That creates rhythm. It makes your body less symmetrical, gives it a sense of flow. thus making it more alive. (a trick when observing real-life people is to look to which side the belt is tilting down)
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When your start drawing a pose, draw the action line first. Block out the pose by using boxes or the stick figure technique, whichever you prefer. By simplifying the figure down into line, shape, and form, you can easily see if the proportion of the figure is working or not, without being distracted by details like clothes and hair and stuff. The most common problem I saw is ppl focusing too much on the top half of the body or going into the details too quick, and when they start drawing the lower half, it looks off. Either the legs are too short, the action line is not strong enough, the character looks off balance, etc. So you always want to start by blocking out the pose and checking your proportion. The pose might look stiff at first, but you want to get comfortable with drawing the figure w the correct proportion before trying anything else. This applies to facial structures as well.
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Also utilize the curve against straight, complex against simple. This again gives a sense of flow and contrast to the figure.
Draw from life. Bring a sketchbook with you. Draw when you are in the library, on the train, in the park, etc. Use references too. Keep a reference board, either on your phone, computer, or places like Pinterest. If you can't go out, drawing from videos is good too. Here are some studies I did from some pencak silat videos. It's much harder than drawing from life cos you cant really see the form and such, so I'd still recc going outside and draw when u can.
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When u r drawing from life or videos, observe how people move, stand, sit, etc. Where is the weight distribution. What is the line of action here. How can you exaggerate it. Break it down into shapes. Draw what you see, not what you think you are seeing. Observation is key.
Flip your canvas, compare it to other masters' art, ask for critics, then fix it. Have fun, but also be critical of your art. If you want to, you can find books about figure drawing by masters like Andrew Loomis or George Bridgman. I love their books. Rmb you don't have to go to school to be good at art.
Again, my advice is very biased cos it's based on my own experience and observation. I don't see your art, so Idk what exactly you are having trouble with. But my ask box is always open so feel free to ask again or send me your stuff if you like. I'll try my best to help ^^
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wri0thesley · 10 months
Note
*bursts through the door* I AM HERE WITH OTOME RECCS FRIEND—
Nameless: The One Thing You Must Recall: Cheritz’s other traditional visual novel. If you liked Dandelion, you’ll probably love this even more. It’s got beautiful art and most definitely leans into a horror aspect (in both the bad endings and some routes!) sometimes while still having nice romance. Available on Steam.
Even If Tempest: this game IS on the Switch but I had to recommend it anyways, it’s the first one I thought of when you asked for dark fantasy! Another really beautiful game with some really fun gameplay mechanics and one of my absolute favorite MCs. I also really love all the boys in some way!
Nightshade: you can get this one on both the Switch and on Steam! Idk how much you’re into historical stories, but I’ll recommend it anyways because it’s one of my favorite games and it absolutely is angsty haha. It takes place right after Japan’s Sengoku period and it’s about shinobi (ninjas). Really pretty art, another one of my favorite MCs, and another game where I love most of the boys.
Olympia Soirée: so, this game has pretty detailed world-building and a lot of darker themes, so that’s the main reason for my recommendation. There are themes of misogyny and dubcon and noncon in it, so just a heads-up before you look into it more <3 But I personally enjoy it a lot and it’s another game that’s just beautiful art-wise (are you noticing a pattern here…). Available on the Switch.
Cafe Enchante: I haven’t played this game myself, but it has a reputation for two things: (1) allowing you to date mostly nonhuman characters, and (2) looking really sweet and cute but actually being an angst-fest. I don’t know how to rate it personally, but I thought I’d toss it your way anyways. Available on the Switch.
Hakuouki: a classic, you can get both games for super cheap on Steam. Another historical game, but with some fantasy elements thrown in as well.
Virche Evermore: this game comes out this fall, but I’m bringing it to your attention anyways because it is RIGHT up your alley, I think. It’s supposed to be a super dark fantasy/sci-fi game with a lot of heavy stuff in it, to the point that you have to play all the bad endings before you can play the good endings. The game wants you to feel bad haha. Available for the Switch.
Finally, if you liked Amnesia and you’re enjoying Piofiore, I’ll definitely also tell you about Piofiore 1926 and Amnesia Later x Crowd! Both of those games are for the Switch, and they’re great if you like the first two games. 1926 is a direct sequel to Piofiore with the same dark tone and a lot of the same themes, while Later x Crowd is a fandisc (game with additional fanservicey material haha) that does pick up where the first game left off, but it’s a lot fluffier? It can definitely be played like a sequel too. I enjoyed it a lot personally just because I love all the guys from Amnesia haha. So definitely check those out if you’re interested!
Okay, sorry for the long ask, but I couldn’t resist when you asked for recommendations hehe. I hope this is okay! Happy playing, and please keep us updated if you do end up playing more <3
ahh thank you so much for the recommendations anon!!! i will keep an eye on the ones that are switch only; i cant justify the £45 ones really but when they are on sales i may swoop in and grab them!!! <3
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tomionefinds · 5 days
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Hello! Do you guys have any fics where Tom hurts Hermione and then feels really guilty about it later on? Thank you!
Hey Anon:
This one stumped us. Perhaps these two. -Haus
Please Save Me by Winterblume
M | Complete | 325k
AU Tomione. No time travel no time turners. - 'Are you not scared of him? Tom Riddle has got a rather peculiar reputation. But I'm sure it's all stupid talk. He's Head Boy after all.' - 'What kind of a reputation' - 'Er… he's… well, he seems kinda dark.'
Birds of a Feather by Babylonsheep
M | WIP | 530k
In 1935, Hermione Granger meets a boy in an orphanage who despises fairy stories, liars, and mediocrity. He offers her a deal of mutual convenience, and soon a tentative friendship forms between them—if Tom would ever lower himself to call anyone a "friend". But whatever they have, it's something special, and if there's anyone who can appreciate Specialness, it's Tom Riddle. 1930's-40's Childhood Friends AU.
Edit for reccs from the Tomione Discord:
Veal and Venison by Patagonian
Its Either E or M | Complete | ?? Word count
In the language of literature, there exists a seemingly-concrete, antonymous relationship between good and evil, light and dark, hero and monster. And yet, we often disregard the transition from one to another, in which the 'bad guy' becomes 'good.' Perhaps it was the cruel mistreatment of Tom Marvolo Riddle as a child, or maybe it was the bloodline of Slytherin's heir himself that made the boy into the 'monster' who cannot be named. Or, perhaps it was simply because he did not know that his heart would beat in such a frenzy, that his cheeks would redden like a crimson rose, and that his normally-calm facade would melt under the simple gaze of the time-travelling heroine. If I were to bet, I'd say it's the latter. But it matters not why Voldemort could not love, for this is not a story about Voldemort.
This is the story of Tom Marvolo Riddle, and how he came into direct conflict and company with the 'brightest witch of her age' ... fifty-years ahead. This is the story of love's recognition, in which the force does not suddenly develop between two people, but a poignant emotion, different for each individual, is uniquely described to be 'love.' Maybe Tom Riddle never loved, much like that of Voldemort. However, as one chooses to stubbornly believe, love existed for Tom Marvolo Riddle as long as he chose to believe that he loved Hermione Jean Granger.
Eternalism by HogwartsRiddle
T | Complete | 135k
Dumbledore is dead and Hogwarts is on lock-down as the ever-present threat of Voldemort and his Death Eaters grows closer by the day. Hermione is trying to remain positive in the face of crisis, but tensions are running high among the Gryffindors and they're all starting to lose hope. That is, until a strange scroll left by Dumbledore opens up a new path to salvation…
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moonliched · 11 months
Note
I have many questions but I’ll try to narrow them down and not bug you too much. Also wanna save some of the mystery for the new chapters 💕
I’m sure you’ve figured out from my comments that I’m now obsessed with AI BonBon. What made you choose BonBon for the AI? Also (If it’s not spoilers), how long has he been hiding his personality development, and how come he chose to reveal it to Y/N?
I’m still laughing over poor Moon trying to figure out braids. If ever Y/N’s hair came loose in the water and did that whole… fanning out thing, how would the mers react? Would they consider it like a threat display, or be confused?
everyone is cordially invited to bug me!!! thank u sm for the questions☺️✨
i'm terrified to write BON-BON bc i don't want him to lose his pizzaz😭 i wanted a snarky figure to bounce off Y/N. the Glamrocks are appearing later so they're out, and i didn't fancy anyone like Mangle or Foxy since i couldn't see their personalities fitting the role. i initially picked Helpy bc he already has a similar kind of role in the games i think, but then i came across a subnautica fic that wrote him in a similar way, and they did it better! (will recc in the notes if i can find it.) so no Helpy. after that i toyed with Dread Unit but he doesn't really have a personality, so then i picked Bon-Bon. he looks like he'd be annoying to listen to, he's hideous, i hc him having a nasal and squawky voice. and him being a bunny fits into a future plan i have, but that's spoilers.
BON-BON began developing awareness years ago, before Y/N even came to the facility. it was a slow process and he spent it learning and flexing the limited reach of his influence in the building. he likes to feign ignorance to mess with people, and he found it funny that Y/N would remain polite while clearly being angry. a few factors influenced him revealing himself, although it was more a slow ramping up than a conscious decision. he has been gradually increasing 'sentient' behaviour to see how they react, and their behaviour isn't threatening in response, which is reassuring. Y/N is asocial and kind of secretive with no strong friendship bonds, so they're unlikely to blab. this is the first time Y/N has been left completely alone in the building, meaning that BON-BON had a semi-captive audience to experiment revealing himself to. Y/N is attentive and kind to the robots by their society's standards without babying them, which is also reassuring. plus BON-BON's becoming so bored and stir-crazy that he's willing to start taking risks to make something happen.
if Y/N's hair was loose in the water, the mermaids would rear back in confusion and caution, but pretty quickly catch on to the fact that there's no need to worry. currently Moon figures that their braids are some kind of tentacles or feelers based on appearance alone, so if they were to unravel he would be put in mind of fuzzy algae or perhaps seaweed. both Moon and Sun would be fascinated by the texture and try to grab and pull it lol😭
i think i went overboard but this was fun😋
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a-strange-inkling · 10 months
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First of all you write amazing Hellcheer fics!
I have to ask, what is/are your favorite Hellcheer fic/s you’ve read? (or are currently reading)
I’m always looking for good Hellcheer reccs 👏🏻
Aw thank you! 🥰🥰🥰
Oh gosh, I honestly love so many, but off the top of my head…
I reread @floggingink’s Teen Beat pretty much on the daily. It’s a masterpiece that guts me. It’s like brutal poetry and I love it!
My most recent favorite is Possession! A lovely Bridgerton-esque AU. I need more period pieces!!
If you’re into them having kids and lots of angst my hand was the one you reached for is always a classic. Baby Jamie is so cute! 🥰
Last Chance God chapter five left me weaker than anything I’ve ever read 🥵 earth shattering combination of sexy and intimate.
And the first hellcheer fic I ever read that I still go back to: sick part of a sick thing it’s honestly one of the best characterizations of Eddie I have ever read. I can HEAR him in every line. Vecna’s not real, but Chrissy is still losing her mind.
This is just a few! I may start a Fic Rec Friday or something in the near future to pay homage to all our amazing writers
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mi-rae07 · 10 months
Text
Jeong Yunho : Sacrifice
Pairing : Jeong Yunho (Ateez) and named character (Kim Yeona)
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Synopsis : Yeona is a terrible mother to her son, she always has been. But can she one day fix all that she has done to her son? Will he forgive her? Or is their story going to end in blood and ruins?
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A/n : I’ve poured my heart into this, so this better not be flopping (yes, I’m actively threatening ya’all. I’m kidding, lol). 
Mentions of self-harming, blood, etc. 
Song recc : Džanum by Teya Dora.
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Yeona let out a breath as she threw the packed lunch box onto the table her son was currently eating breakfast at, him looking up at yeona with a small smile before saying softly
Yejun : thank you, eomma.
Yeona looked at him with bored, cold eyes before turning around, walking up the stairs to her room without even saying a goodbye to her son who had to go to school within a few minutes. Yejun sighed, looking back at his plate of burned omelets before clenching his hand against the fork. He knew his mother didn't love him, he knew she blamed yejun for everything that had gone wrong with her life. His father divorcing her and giving more love to yejun than her, yeona losing her job as a model because of the pregnancy and the differences it made to her body. And hence why she never looked at him with love, or care, as yejun would see the other mothers in his school look at their sons with. It had been 15 years since he was yeona's son, and no matter the amount of marks he'd scored, or the competitions he'd won, his mother was never satisfied.
Because if he got so much as a 98 for a subject, his mother would beat him up.
Yejun blinked his eyes to get rid of the tears that had formed in them, knowing there was no use in any of that.
For his mother would always hate him, no matter what.
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Yeona wiped the sweat off of her forehead as she continued to sweep the house of the person she was currently working for, feeling her back already split open from the pain. But she had to work, because she had to earn money for her son and herself. Because no matter what, she was still responsible for Jeong Yejun.
??? : what sort of a work are you doing?
Yeona looked up as a senior maid stood in front of her, eyeing the floor she was currently cleaning. That was when Yeona looked around, realizing that instead of cleaning properly, she had smeared more mud around the garden floor. Shit, yeona bowed before saying
Yeona : I'm sorry, miss. I just have a back pai-
??? : DID I ASK FOR EXCUSES?
Yeona flinched at that, her eyes lowering to the floor. She hated loud sounds.
Yeona : I'm really sorry-
??? : you're fired.
Yeona : w-what? No! no no, miss, I have a son to feed and no other good jobs-
??? : I do not care, kim yeona. You're fired, you can get out now.
Yeona was about to say something when the maid turned around and left, leaving yeona with no other choices as tears filled her eyes. She really was going to have to search for another job now.
Yeona stepped out of the house she used to work in with her cheap handbag, her eyes filled with despair. She used to have everything once. Beauty, fame, money, she was everything she had wanted to be. How did her life switch up so fast?
Yeona flinched as her phone suddenly rang, quickly pulling it out as she answered
Yeona : yes?
??? : this kim yeona-shi, right? Jeong yejun's mother?
Yeona : yes, that is me. Is…something wrong, teacher?
??? : yes, your son has gotten into a fight with a bunch of other boys at school, miss kim. And we're afraid he might have to face expulsion.
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Yeona dragged her son back inside their house harshly, ignoring his pleads and cries as she felt tears of anger burn against her eyes. All that she had done for him, and he had gotten himself expelled from school? How the hell was she going to find another school for him now?
Yejun meanwhile was struggling to so much as walk, the wound in his leg weakening him as seconds passed. He felt dizzy from the pain, but fought it back as he said slowly
Yejun : e-eomma, it hurts.
Yeona finally pushed him inside the living room harshly, causing yejun to stumble on his steps as he looked up at his mother with scared eyes. Yeona glared at him, her eyes throwing draggers at her son as she said
Yeona : well it should! Do you know what you have done, jeong yejun?
Yejun looked away, his fists clenching beside him. It wasn't his fault, those boys had been bullying him for the past few years and only today did yejun try to fight back. And he had already gotten expelled.
Except he knew his mother would never understand any of that.
Yejun : I'm sorry.
Yeona : are you? Are you really? I have wasted so much, of my money on you, yejun. I've wasted my entire fucking life on you! And now you go and ruin the one thing that could've saved the both of us from this hellhole!
Yejun : eomma, I got hurt too. I-
Yeona : I DO NOT CARE WHETHER YOU GOT HURT, YEJUN! I CARE THE LEAST!
Yejun flinched at that, his eyes now betraying hurt. His entire leg was now bleeding from the cut he had gotten earlier, the pain unbearable. But then again, he didn’t really expect his mother to understand or take him to the hospital.
Yeona : you took away every ounce of my happiness when you came into my life, yejun. So I had thought, well, maybe he would understand that and try to make up for having been born. But no! you instead make my life TEN TIMES HARDER!
Yejun felt each of her words stab right through his heart, his eyes tearing up. Yeona let out a breath and held her son's shoulders, banging him against the wall as she screamed at the top of her lungs
Yeona : YOU DESTROYED MY LIFE JEONG YEJUN! YOU TOOK EVERYTHING AWAY FROM ME. My husband, my career, my money, my fans, my happiness, my peace, MY ENTIRE LIFE! You ruined it for me.
Yejun let out a whimper as he stared at yeona with tears streaming down his cheeks, his lips trembling. Yeona stared at him as if he was the most cursed being in the world, and god did that shatter yejun.
Yeona : is it fun? Is it fun toying with your mother like this, yejun?
Yejun : eomma, I did-didn't mean to-
Yeona : does that take it all back? Will that get me back everything I lost?
Yejun : I tried, eomma. I tried to…tried to be better for you. I'm sorry I failed.
Yeona chuckled dryly, pulling away as she said
Yeona : of course you failed. You're my son, you could only ever be a failure with a mother like me.
Yejun : no, oh no no, don't say that-
Yeona : NO! no you're right. Of course you failed, I should have always expected it from you.
Yejun felt his tears fall on the floor drop by drop, his leg almost going numb with the pain now. But he couldn't feel it much anymore, his heart hurt even more.
Yejun : eomma, I'll…do something better for you someday. I-I promise I will take you out of this place and give you-you back everything I took from you. I just need time-
Yeona : you think you have it in you to be successful with the way you are? We're destined for this shit, yejun.
Yejun : eomma, I'm…I'm sorry.
Yeona : yeah? I'm sorry too, yejun-ah. For not having aborted you when I could have.
Yejun stared at his mother with shocked, tear filled eyes, his nails digging crescents into the palm of his skin.
Yejun : eomma-
Yeona : DON'T CALL ME THAT YOU CURSED CHILD!
Yeona screamed as she took a nearby vase before smashing it hard on the floor, causing yejun to flinch at the loud sound and step back as a sob fell from his lips.
Yeona : are you crying? After all you have done, YOU'RE FUCKING CRYING?
Yejun quickly wiped his tears with trembling hands as yeona said, cruel as ever.
Yeona : you're the reason for all this, yejun. So I hope you live a life just as bad as mine, filled with nothing but emptiness and despair. I hope you never have an ounce of happiness in your life, and I hope you could die with no one and nothing by your side. Just like how I will one day.
Yeona turned around and walked out of the apartment, closing the door behind her with a loud bang. Yejun finally fell on the floor, sobbing as he clutched his heart in pain. What had he done? Why was only his life so bad? Why did he make everyone around him regret ever having had him? What was so wrong with him?
Yejun leaned towards the shattered glass bits on the floor, picking them up as he threw them into a nearby dustbin one by one. And every time he took a glass piece, he made sure to press it right into his palm, feeling his head go dizzy from the pain.
But this was what he deserved. And so by the time he was done, yejun was lying on the floor covered in blood and tears, his eyes closing shut.
_______________________________
Yejun's eyes slowly opened as it adjusted to the sunlight, groaning as he felt his entire body ache from sheer pain. From the wound in his leg that was still untended to, to the cuts in his palm and from lying on the floor all night. But despite all that yejun sat up, his face blank as he realized.
His mother had come home later in the night and had seen him lying here, bloodied. And yet she did nothing, she didn't even wake him up and put him to bed. Instead she had gone out in the morning without bothering to even make breakfast for him, leaving him there to just die.
"I'm sorry too, yejun-ah. For not having aborted you when I could have"
Yejun chuckled sadly, his eyes filling with tears as he limped up to his room. And soon enough he sat on his desk, pulling out a piece of paper and pen before starting to write a letter to his mother.
And while he wrote the letter yejun thought of the days yeona had held him close to her during winter when he was younger, wrapping her coat around him and walking coatless instead during the snowstorm while carrying him in her arms. He remembered the times yeona had gone to work in the morning without having her own breakfast, but always making sure yejun had gotten his breakfast and lunch properly. And then he remembered the amount of times he had seen his mother passed out on the couch at 3am, her hands torn from the amount of labor she had done.
But he also remembered the times she had beat him up when he got less marks, or got 2nd place for a competition. He remebered his mother throwing away the trophies yejun had won anything other than first place for, saying it was useless. He remembered the times she had told him she wished she could reverse time and just abort him when she could, blaming him for everything her life was now.
Yejun thought of his life that wasn't really his. He had no friends at school, no one he loved and no one who loved him. Was a life like that even an actual life? For whom was he living? He had lived all this while thinking it was a debt that he had to pay to his mother. But now, after all the things she had told him yesterday night. Was even that, necessary?
And when yejun finally kept the letter aside and climbed up to his bed with the shawl his mother had always once worn, a shawl that was made of rich fur, the one that the old supermodel kim yeona could afford, he thought of all the things his life could have been. A happy family, a sibling, friends at school?
But even as he climbed up the chair and then finally kicked it off after a few breaths, he thought he couldn't have had a better life than this. He loved his mother, she was the only person in his life. Apart from his father, who had been with him for a few days every week, buying him things he would later give off to charity. He didn't really want a father like that, because he was the same man who had abandoned his mother, years ago. He hated his father.
And so as yejun finally felt his eyes closing for the last time, he thought of his mother's beautiful face, and her smile he rarely saw. And he thought,
There is nothing I could never sacrifice for my own mother, even my own life.
_____________________________
Yeona entered the house, feeling her head burst from the lack of sleep she had gotten. She did not come back home last night, after all. She needed money to take yejun to the hospital in order to treat his wounds, and for that she had to work for the entire night, despite it being freezing outside. But it didn't matter, because she had finally gotten the money to take her son to the hospital now.
Yeona walked into the living room, finding it uncanny that the house was utterly and entirely silent. Even if yejun was usually a quiet person, wouldn't he make small sounds, atleast?
Yeona walked up to yejun's room, each step she took increasing her anxiety. But it all burst as soon as she opened the door to his room, because the only remaining life in her heart disappeared completely at the sight in front of her.
Yeona dropped her purse as she stepped back with a shaky gasp, her heart tearing apart at the sight of her son hanging dead in front of her. Yeona fell on the floor, her brain still not comprehending the sight in front of her as she crawled to her son and held his legs in her shaky hands before whispering
Yeona : n-no. no, no! yejun-ah, yejun-ah no you can't…you can't do this to eomma.
Yeona's tears fell as she felt no movement from her son, her heart feeling heavier than it ever did her entire life
Yeona : JEONG YEJUN! YOU CAN'T LEAVE YOUR MOTHER BEHIND LIKE THIS!
Yeona quickly crawled up to her purse before going back again to yejun, pulling out the few notes of money she had acquired before saying
Yeona : see? See, eomma-eomma brought this so that I can take you to the hospital. So then why would you-why…
Yeona sobbed as she looked up at her son's bloodied palms, quickly standing up as she pulled her son down to her and hugged his cold body on her lap.
Yeona : no. no NO NO!
Yeona pulled back and pushed the hair out from her son's forehead, her hands trembling as her tears fell onto yejun's pale cheek one by one.
Yeona : I know-I know I'm a bad person, I know I'm a terrible mother BUT HOW COULD YOU KILL YOURSELF OVER SOMEONE AS DIRTY AND RUINED LIKE ME, HOW!
Yeona sobbed as she held her son's body closer to her heart, not even being able to breathe as she screamed at the top of her lungs, calling out her son's name all in vain.
Yeona : I have no one but you! I HAVE NO ONE YEJUN!
Yeona flinched as she heard the door to her house open, quickly holding yejun closer to her as she shielded him away from whatever that would come at him. Yeona looked up as a few neighbors rushed into the room, their eyes widening at the sight in front of them.
??? : oh no no. no yeona-shi.
Yeona : he's fine. My son is fine!
Two of the neighbors came closer to her, holding yeona's arm in pure pity as they said
??? : we're so sorry, yeona-shi. We're so sorry this-
Yeona : MY SON IS FINE, I TOLD YOU! NOTHING'S HAPPENED TO HIM!
Yeona turned back to face her son, holding his cheek as she whispered
Yeona : right? Yejun-ie? You're okay, hmm? You're fine, no?
The neighbors felt tears in their eyes as another one stepped forward and said
??? : yeona-shi, we need to take yejun away from here to the hospital. The more we keep him here, the more the police will be doubtful.
Yeona shook her head sternly, sobbing as she held onto her son tighter
Yeona : no! NO I'M NOT GIVING HIM TO ANYONE!
??? : we're sorry.
The neighbors stepped forward as yeona shook her head desperately now, a few of them slowly lifting yejun away from her as yeona wailed and tried clawing onto her son desperately.
Yeona : NO! NO YOU MONSTERS GIVE HIM BACK TO ME! He's…he's my son!
Yeona fell on the floor as the neighbors carried yejun outside, the others telling yeona she should come with them to the hospital as well. Yeona wailed as she stared after her son's dangling arm, his words ringing through her head as she screamed.
"I tried, eomma. I tried to…tried to be better for you. I'm sorry I failed"
____________________________
Yeona still remembered the first word yejun had said, it was eomma. It was when yeona was crying in her living room after she had just lost her job at the agency, the public shamming her for it. That was when yejun had crawled up to her, holding her leg as he muttered the only word he could say at that time over and over again. And although yeona had never told anyone about it, yejun's that one word was what had kept yeona from killing herself that night.
She also remembered the first time yejun had walked up to her in his little baby steps. That was when she had accidentally burned her hand while cooking food. And yeona had completely forgotten about the pain as she cooed and lifted her son up in her arms proudly.
She remebered his first everything's, because how could she forget it. He was always the shining sun in her life, and she was the reason it had dimmed to the extent that he was completely gone now. She was the reason she was sitting against the hospital chair now, her entire body numb and her face blank.
And she heard footsteps rushing up to her, the smell of expensive cologne filling the air as the people around her stood up.
Yunho : what did you do to my son, you monster?
Yeona looked up as her eyes landed on the man who had abandoned her years ago, his teary eyes glaring right at hers as he screamed
Yunho : WHY DID YOU KILL MY SON, KIM YEONA!
Yeona looked away from yunho, her entire face blank as she whispered
Yeona : I killed him. He's dead because of me.
Yunho let out an exasperated breath, falling on the floor as he sobbed in pain. His hands covered his face as he cried into it, every second of this killing him.
Yunho : he was only 15, yeona. He-he was…how could you.
Yeona felt tears stream down her eyes as yunho's cries filled the hallway, the people around looking at the both of them in pity. Pity, a word yeona was so used to by now. There was only one person in this entire world who had never pitied her, and that was her own son. 
But she had killed her son, he was lying in that hospital bed because of her.
_________________________________
Yeona couldn't bear seeing her son dead and still another time. And so she had returned home as soon as the doctors had ruled yejun's death as suicide, telling others that they could now bury his body as they wished.
Bury? Bury the body of her son? Throw mud on him and watch while the others did the same? Yeona would rather die. And so she had left, knowing yunho would do the ceremonies that was required. After all, yeona didn't have the right to do any of that. Did it make sense for the murderer to bury the victim with tears in their eyes?
Yeona opened the room to yejun's room, the silence inside killing her. She turned on the lights, the sight of a small but organized room coming to her sight. Yeona looked around with blank eyes, her eyes finally landing on a sheet of paper that was kept folded on yejun's desk. Yeona walked up to it, opening it quickly as she read through it
Eomma,
On today's special day, I want you to be the happiest ever. Every day you used to say that happiness left your life the second I was born. You told me appa left you because of me, so today I want to change things. I want you to be happy, and live as if I never existed. You told me you never looked at me with love, but I always loved you, and admired you as the best mother I could ever have asked for.
I always wished I could be better for you, just as you have been the best to me. You always sacrificed your things for me. May it be your food, or clothes, or money, or anything else, you've always left things for me. I on the other hand have only ever received them, never being able to give it back to you. So I thought that if I studied hard now and made enough money in the future, I could give you the things that you deserve. But as you said, I failed.
As you said, it is my destiny to never succeed, as I don't have it in me to be able to get the things that I want. So if not that, then why am I alive? If I can't ever give you back the things you once gave to me, then why not just take myself off of the picture completely so you can stop spending things on me? That's how I came to this conclusion of mine.
But this isn't your fault, it is my choice. A choice I have taken to provide you with half the life that you once lost because of me.
I hope one day you will think of me, I hope in heaven you would finally hold me one day and kiss me. The best gift I could give you today is leave your life as you've always wished I was never born. So here it is, the gift of my sacrifice.
I love you mama,
Happy birthday to you.
Yeona sobbed as she covered her face with her arms, her hands clutching the letter tight. She hadn't even known, she hadn't even known it was her birthday yesterday. And this, was a gift? If yejun had to think his death would be a gift for his mother, how bad had yeona been? What sort of a mother was this cruel to their own child?
Yeona cried as she read the letter again and again, her tears staining the letter as the ink slowly spread. But even then she didn't stop, yeona kept reading it until she was dizzy. And she was about to again when her phone suddenly rang.
??? : this is, kim yeona-shi, right?
Yeona : ye-yes.
??? : I am…was, yejun's class teacher. And I heard what happened today, so I wished to call to offer my condolences to you.
Yeona said nothing, she couldn't.
??? : although he did get expelled, yejun was a really good student. He was good to his classmates, always helping them with anything they required. He was excellent at his studies, always scoring first. And he was an amazing singer, always conquering everyone's hearts with that beautiful voice of his. He would have grown to be an amazing man, miss kim, I am sure.
Yeona bit her lips, feeling her tears fall even harder as she realized she had never heard her son sing, even once. And now, she never will be able to.
??? : I hope god gives you the strength to move through this, yeona-shi, even though loosing a child is a very harsh thing. And, I wanted to say one this last thing. Your son, loved you with his entire heart. He would always talk about you when asked about his favorite person, saying you were the strongest most beautiful human being he had ever seen. He said his only goal in life was to satisfy your needs just as you have done for him.
Yeona clasped her mouth with the back of her hand, clutching the phone tighter in her hand
??? : we were all really proud of yejun. And I'm sure you always will be too.
Before the teacher could say anything more yeona cut the call, throwing her phone away as she cried her heart out. She still remembered the trophies yejun had brought home, yeona throwing it away and saying that he needed to be better. Except she hadn't. instead when yejun was fast asleep, yeona had gone to the trash, cleaning each of his trophies before putting it up in her attic with a proud smile on her face. They were still there, she was sure, not a speck of dust on them. For yeona cleaned it every day, and she would continue doing it until she died.
There was no one she was more proud of than her own son. And now, he was gone. All, because, of her.
Yeona stood up, walking up to yejun's desk as she took a pocket knife that was lying nearby. She walked to the living room, reading the letter over and over again until she finally sat on the floor against a wall and brought the knife close to her wrist. Yeona slowly dragged the knife through her arm, slicing through as blood trickled down. But it wasn't enough, she needed more pain.
And so she kept slashing her arms, one over the other again and again. Until she felt someone scream her name out. Yeona looked up with blank eyes, the sight of yunho rushing to her with worried eyes coming to her view.
Yunho : what the fuck are you doing, kim yeona!
Yeona stared at yunho as he threw the knife away from them, leaning on the floor next to yeona as she said, her voice blank
Yeona : I wanted to feel…something, anything.
Yunho : are you sick in the brain, yeona? Your son died today, and you're self-harming yourself because you want to feel something?
Yeona : my son? The son that I killed?
Yunho looked away, his eyes still worried as he let it scan through yeona's cuts.
Yeona : why are you here? You-
Yunho : because I expected you to do this, yeona. Because I knew, you would do this. You cannot die, kim yeona. Even if you want to, you can't. because you killed yejun, you don't think you deserve to pay some punishment for it?
Yeona : I-
Yunho : death, is an easy way out of this. And you and I both, do not deserve that. We're going to live our lives until the end of it, bearing the pain and guilt of having killed an innocent life by both our actions.
Yeona stared at yunho, feeling her eyes water. He was blaming himself too? Yunho sniffled, shaking his head as he whispered
Yunho : we deserve this, and this punishment, the both of us will carry. Yejun did not deserve any of this, he deserved much better parents. We failed him, the both of us did. And so, we're going to face the afters of it.
Yunho held yeona's bloodied arm, making her wince as yunho said
Yunho : this? Cannot happen again. You will not take death as a path, yeona. And neither will I, I promise you that. And I need you to promise me as well, that we will take all this, together.
Yeona : yunho.
Yunho : no, yejun gave up his life for you, what would it be if you killed yourself as well? I will not let you disgrace him like that. So stand up, stand up so we can go to the hospital and get your arm treated.
Yeona : why are you doing this for me? Why now. Why!
Yunho : because I left you! I left you when you needed me most, I took the easy way around! I am as responsible for yejun's death as you are. So you're going to stop me from letting this pain overtake me, and I'm going to help you do the same.
Yeona stared as yunho got up, extending his hand for yeona to hold as he said
Yunho : this, is the sacrifice that we must make, yeona-ya.
Yeona looked at yunho's hand for a few seconds before finally holding it, using it to lift her up as the memories of her once beautiful young boy filled her mind. His memories, her cure. His pain, her nightmare. And his sacrifice, her life.
Yeona : the sacrifice we must make.
__________________________
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bthump · 4 months
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Since another asker is talking about Taylor Swift and Olivia Rodrigo, I want to recc a few GriffGuts songs by them too! "The grudge", "lacy" and "get him back!" fit them super well, and they're all from Olivia's GUTS album lol. Taylor's 1989 vault tracks "now that we don't talk," "say don't go", "is it over now?" (and even "suburban legends" for a modern au) are pretty perfect for them too! I love thinking abt them in the context of teen breakup albums, bc it puts into context how young (cont.)
(cont.) they were when all the shit went down oof. (And Ribs by Lorde is another White Girl Song™ that's super GriffGuts coded lmao, especially the last part). Btw, out of curiosity~ I know you have a gigantic drive with GriffGuts songs, but if you had to select a top 15, what would they be? (Based on the criterias of how much you like the songs and how much they fit the dynamic). My top 1 for those dramatic dumbasses will always be No Children by The Mountain Goats, bc that shit slaps hard
Sorry this response took a while lol, I like to listen to every song people suggest, and I've been busy with Christmas stuff for a bit.
Oh yeah totally agree with your picks, especially The Grudge and Say Don't Go! Honestly teen breakup songs are often pretty fitting for them lol, it suits the drama and yeah, the fact that they are technically teens in the Golden Age, which can be easy to forget. Also yeah lol No Children is one of my faves too, it's one of those songs where like, if I can apply it to a ship you know it's a great ship lol.
As for my own faves, I actually don't have my Berserk playlist available right now because I moved laptops and my music playlists got left behind so I have to find where they are on the last laptop and I'm lazy, so I'm going off memory lol.
So yeah, idk if these are always gonna be my top 15 Griffguts songs, but this is what I'm feeling right now, in no particular order:
Once Upon a Dream - Lana Del Rey The Moth - Aimee Mann Take Me - Sisyphus You'll Follow Me Down - Skunk Anansie Drag - Placebo You Had Me - Hannah Fury Devotion - Tracy Chapman Without You I'm Nothing - Placebo ft Bowie I Don't Have Anything - VAST Like a Friend - Pulp Ruin - The Pierces Black Heart - Hey Rosetta! You're the Storm - The Cardigans I Against I - Mos Def + Massive Attack Because of You - Skunk Anansie
I'm also gonna link these two playlists I made. Some of the songs are repeats, but lots aren't.
Thanks for the ask, and your patience!
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hello! i have entered in the fandom not so long ago so hoping for great times ahead with all you guys~ before i ask for a recc, i'd like to give my thanks to the people behind this acc!
now, i'm looking for a fic where aziraphale and crowley are apart, and crowley is just purely yearning for aziraphale. preferably one that's less than or around 10 chapters long and gets hot and spicy in the end.
thank you once again :D
Hi and welcome! Now, when you say “apart” my mind thought physically apart, so I’ve bookended these recs with some long distance...
A Pirate's Silver by KitCat_Italica (E)
Of all the modes of travel humans had invented, Crowley hated sailing the most. But Hell had given him this specific assignment of captaining a Mediterranean pirate vessel, with specific instructions to tempt the crew on the way to Tripoli. So here he was. No miracles could get him out of spending his 1741 on this stupid, stupid boat.
As was Crowley’s habit on quiet nights like this—in the middle of shit assignments and with nothing to distract him from his thoughts—he closed his hand around his wedding ring. He pressed it close to his chest, holding his breath.
Angel, his mind whispered. You there?
Warm by Caedmon (E)
Crowley uses a miracle to make it snow in order to please Aziraphale. Unfortunately, he causes a blizzard that he can't stop. It leaves him nearly frozen, but Aziraphale knows how to warm him up.
Invite Me to Stay at Yours by Lilian (E)
Crowley writes a List to cope. Aziraphale loses and gains some books.
I’m All Yours by FeralTuxedo (E)
Anthony J. Crowley knew he looked like a walking mid-life crisis. The tight jeans, half-up bun and sunglasses positively screamed ‘I left my wife for the babysitter and bought a vintage car just to feel alive again.’ In an adaptation of his life, he’d be played by Hugh Grant. He looked like a divorcee desperate for action, and it didn’t help that he was currently standing outside a nightclub surrounded by drunk twenty-year-olds. But Crowley wasn’t here for a good time tonight. He was on a rescue mission.
Crowley has been rescuing his friend Aziraphale over and over again for a decade. Hopelessly in love, ready to jump at a moment’s notice when he was needed. When Aziraphale finally breaks up with his partner, Crowley is there to help him through what’s looking to be one hell of a mid-life crisis. Things could finally change. If he manages not to mess it up again.
A human AU with a whole forest’s worth of pining squeezed into a single day.
Truth in Imitation by KannaOphelia (E)
Three times in six thousand years, Aziraphale and Crowley pretended to be lovers.
Crowley remembers every touch.
is there anybody out there? by theycallmeDernhelm (E)
Welcome to the zombie apocalypse. England has been overrun by walking corpses, everything's gone to hell, and the few survivors are scattered- among them, Crowley and his 11-year-old son Warlock. When Crowley's radio signal is unexpectedly picked up by another group of survivors, he finds himself falling, in a way he never thought he'd fall again, for the charming and kindly Aziraphale. Over three seasons and a tenuous radio connection, a romance develops between them, while a friendship grows between Warlock and Aziraphale's nephew Adam. Love isn't dead (or undead) after all.
- Mod D
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astraystayyh · 5 months
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sahar hi!! this might be a little random but you seem like you read books judging by your writing style (which i so so adore) and i was wondering if you have any recommendations? if u have any angst reccs too even better <33 thank you sm in advance and have a really nice day!
hiii yes i do :')) here are my favorites hehe
elif shafak - the island of missing trees. this is such a beautifully heart wrenching read about love and generational traumas and war and immigration and nature. it's so so well thought and intelligently woven that it comes full circle in the end and i was left with a gaping hole in my chest when i ended it :') so so beautiful
madeline miller - the song of achilles & circe. i preferred TSOA but both reads were so beautiful. I've never been a big fan of mythology but i loveeee madeline's writing style and her prose and imagery and attention to detail. both books profoundly impacted me in various ways, ultimately reminding me of the beauty of our humanity.
khaled hosseini- a thousand splendid suns. this is such a thought provoking and emotional read. i remember reading the final line and getting GOOSEBUMPS all over my skin. it's really moving and hosseini is such a talented storyteller. 100% recommend
i also love love all of dan brown's works. i read all of them minus one book and I'd recommend starting with the story which summary intrigues you the most. they're all very description and action heavy but i love how i can never put down a book written by him. he's a mastermind when it comes to intrigue and having you like :o WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT (personal favorite is angel and demons)
if you want a book that's more on the self development spectrum, I'd recommend The Gods always travel incognito by Laurent Gounelle. it has lots and lots of amazing messages that personally helped me in my life, but laurent doesn't scream them in your face, you understand them through the protagonist's actions and life.
i hope you enjoy these reads <333 and thank you for the compliment :'))) anyone feel free to add to this i wanna know ur recs toooo
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Text
Warm up
Week before we were setting off to Poland, I took a slight detour on the West Coast of Scotland. Welcome - to Saint Catherines!
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When Katie decided to DoP the film she wrote I offered to support her in any way I can and so I became her 1st AC. In the months leading up to the shoot we did some camera tests and compiled kit lists, she created elaborate shortlists and floorpans, planned the lighting set-ups with Alex and conducted recces with the rest of the team. What was planned was planned - now it was time to roll.
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The day we arrived we had to maximise the space in the caravan where we not only the kit was stored, but some of the cast and crew slept. We built the camera, adjusted settings, labeled all the cards and filled out the clapperboard. Pyjama party timeeeee - just kidding, we needed some beauty sleep before day numero uno, the scariest of all!
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The scheduling was great, because we started with easier set-ups and more light-hearted scenes, and as the week progressed things got darker and heavier (no literally, the URSA was straining our backs more and more with each passing day). The first day flew by with no major hiccups, and so did the day after, and the day after that... I was starting to get concerned we weren't doing it right. Every day we wrapped early, on some days early enough to catch the sunset and man, sunsets just hit different when you have a front row seat to a frozen loch. If there was an award for the most wholesome and efficient shoot it would go to St Catherines. We were a very giggly, but well oiled machine.
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Working with these guys was such a pleasure I was sad I couldn't take them with me to Poland. I realised two things on this shoot:
The image will only be as good as the camera team is. Katie, Sam, Alex and I worked very closely together - minding not to step on each other's toes, but always ready to step in and help with out with any malfunctions. We knew the kit vey well so we could easily troubleshoot any issues we faced, but because we knew the kit so well, the chances of something going extremely wrong were minimal. Thanks to Katie's pre-production plans we all knew what we were trying to visually achieve so we could put our heads together and get the best possible shot. Whenever one of us challenged the initial set-up, it was for the best possible outcome - every negotiation was worth it. The dreamwork teamwork left me a little bit disheartened I was going to be the only one in my department for Oj tato. I liked being kept in check and challenged, I liked having 3 pairs of eyes around me, constantly debating how we can improve what we already have. I liked sharing the creativity with these talented, hardworking nerds.
I can see myself doing this line of work in the foreseeable future. Andrew always said that if you want to be a DoP you should get into the lighting department, but I'm not sure that's where my interests lie - at least when it comes to earning a living in the industry. ACing allows me to transfer some of my editing skills over to the camera department as you need to be extremely organised and neat, understand the technical specs of the workflow and quick to troubleshoot. At the start of each day I was happy to set up the best possible working conditions for Katie and end of each day I really enjoyed filling out camera notes... it was almost therapeutic.
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The only thing that could hold me back is my poor eyesight. Oh Poland sweet Poland how will I make you sharp, when I have so many other things to worry about I won't even have the time to measure the focal distance... Wish I had more hands on deck, but the St Cats camera team will be with me in spirit - that I know.
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