#So I bought it. I told myself I’d never buy an individual card but I did

[victory-cookies]

hrrnnnggh I am making bad money decisions

#I was at a game store with a friend and they had a display of cool Pokémon cards #And they had the gardevoir and sylveon tag team secret rare #And like those are two of my absolute favourites they are on my ideal team #And it was a secret rare. A cool ass rainbow card #So I bought it. I told myself I’d never buy an individual card but I did #And yeah it was. Pretty expensive but what can you do #I told myself I had until the end of the summer to make unnecessary purchases and then I’d actually start budgeting #So this is my is my last hurrah

[my-never-ending-nightmare]

06/29/2022

There’s this particular Walmart in the city that I have very fond memories of going to with a close friend - late at night after going on one of our aimless drives in my car where we’d do nothing but burn gas just so that we could get away from the places we called home, escape the monotony of our lives, forget about our troubles and instead just live entirely in the moment - enjoying each other’s company as we’d talk about everything & nothing; as if nothing else mattered except the fact that we were together.

I’ll never forget the night we sat in my car in that Walmarts parking lot as I watched my friend open the pack of Pokémon cards that I had bought them. And I’ll never forget it because I carry that moment with me everywhere I go.

Literally:

It’s always with me.

Although I often feel guilty about that fact because I still hear my friends words when they gave me this card: look after it. They didn’t want me just stuffing it any ol’ place where it would get worn & torn - and they didn’t want me forgetting about it, either. They even asked me about what I had done with some time after that night just to make sure that it had meant something to me. Because despite the fact that they said they were giving it to me so that I could start my own collection… I think that what they were really doing is giving me something to remember them by. Because it wasn’t just a Pokémon card that they gave me - it was a token of their love. And they wanted to see if I appreciated it. They wanted to see if their love would be safe with me, and whether or not I’d protect it.

Well I did - and still do. Despite the fact that I now keep it in my wallet along with the fidget spinner they gave me years prior. Because those two things are the only physical reminders I have of them. Literally, I have nothing else. No photos of us. No cards or notes from them. Nothing with their handwriting on it. Nothing that says they cared. Nothing that tells me that they loved me. But I don’t even need that stuff at all because I have this card - and this card tells me everything that they never did: that I, at one time, was loved by the best friend I’ll ever have.

Which is why I found myself back at that Walmart just the other day. I wanted to get something that I could put this card in - something that would protect it and prevent it from being warped or bent as it’s going to be staying with me for the rest of my life.

I went back to that same aisle where I had originally purchased the pack that it came from - looking for a pack of sturdy sleeves that I could put it in. But as I was standing there my mind began to wander away from where I was and back to where I had been. I was completely zoned out, reliving old memories in my head and daydreaming about all that could have been until something snapped me out of it.

There was this young boy standing right next to me, looking up at what was eye level to me. He couldn’t have been older than 6 or 7 and was talking to his mother who was further down the aisle, almost around the corner. She seemed rather distracted by who I assume was this boys sister and thus wasn’t really paying attention to what he was saying. He was asking her if he could get box of Pokémon cards - not the individual packs but rather those expensive sets that contain multiple packs. His mother said yes and told him to grab it and hurry up, but the boy couldn’t reach it as it was right on the top shelf. So instead he let out a distraught whine and said, as if he were about to cry, I can’t!

His mother either didn’t hear or didn’t understand what he had said because she gave no response. But he didn’t need one because I was right there. I knew what he was after because it was literally the last thing of Pokémon cards that were available. So I reached out my hand and picked it up, flipping it over once I had done so and studying the back for a split second as if I were thinking of buying it - then I looked down at him and saw the absolute horror in his face as he realized that I had beaten him to it. But then I watched that anguish get replaced in an instant with pure joy as I held it out to him and said this is what you want, right?

I didn’t think I was capable of making anyone as happy as that child was in that moment.

Thank you, thank you!

And with that he took it and began ran off down the aisle to his mother as I turned and headed in the opposite direction - but just as the tears began to build up in my eyes I heard him saying to her “he helped me, that man helped me.”

And now those tears began to fall.

I had to rush off into an empty corner near the garden section so that no one would see me trying to regain my composer lol

I had completely forgotten how good it feels to make a difference for someone. And I had forgotten how much I like helping people. But suddenly I remembered. I remembered how good it feels to make someone happy. And I remember how that feeling is more than enough to make up for the fact that I’m not happy myself.

Feels good, man.

Although I’ll have to be going back there sometime soon since this all made me completely forget why I was even there in the first place lol

#blog #journal

[ravioliwings]

Honestly I’m glad that I’m never touching a man again for the rest of my life but I still can’t get over how absolutely busted some men’s perception of the world is

This is hopefully just anecdotal, but I’ve been in relationships with men where it was like all of their thoughts/feelings/actions were based off of things they’ve seen in media. 

On the less harmful but still annoying side, those men would perform “romantic” gestures for me as if their only exposure to relationships was through romance movies. I’d received roses several times (which I don’t particularly care for, especially not around valentines day), chocolate (I’m not big on chocolate), a “promise ring” (I am very vocal about my hatred of promise rings), lingerie (that I never wore because it would have made me dysphoric), poems (if a man is not actually a poet and he says he wants to write you a poem, run for the hills), and I’m sure plenty of other things that I’ve blocked out of my memory. There was also a time where one of them almost bought an engraved “promise ring,” for my birthday or something, but he was acting super nervous about it and saying that I might hate it, so I had him tell me what it was, and he was right; I hated it.

And the thing is, is that some of these men knew me for a WHILE. Like they should have known what I liked, what I actually found romantic; but instead it was all stuff you’d see in a movie. Almost every single time a man has ever given me a gift, instead of being grateful and happy that they were thinking of me, my stomach would sink. Because it was as if the gifts were for a totally different person. It’s like every one of them bypassed the thought of “hm what would this individual appreciate” and went straight for “[girls] like roses and chocolate and empty promises, so I’ll get those.”

And it’s so fucked because you can see them as their own person, meanwhile they’re thinking of you as a category. They’re thinking of you as whatever they want, as opposed to what you are. I just really can’t wrap my head around the thought of dating someone and telling them you love them while also apparently not knowing anything about them? And not really wanting to know anything about them that doesn’t affirm whatever character you’ve decided you wanted them to be?

It was like I was smart when they wanted me to be, dumb when they wanted me to be, nerdy when they wanted me to be, not nerdy enough when they wanted me to be, funny when they wanted me to be, unfunny when they wanted me to be. There was one time when I was hanging out at someone’s house with one of my exes and he was gassing me up to his friend, talking about how “oh I’m so smart” blah blah blah, but behind closed doors he would never believe a word I said. Anything that I knew that he didn’t had to be wrong. He wanted everyone to see that I was intelligent while he acted like I was uneducated when it was just the two of us. 

Another one of my exes would constantly tell me that I was funny/unfunny. Sometimes it would happen within the same day, where he’d praise me for being so funny and interesting, and then an hour later I was “the most boring person to talk to” and I wasn’t funny at all. This one was kind of the opposite, because most of the time he would praise me behind closed doors, and degrade me in front of his friends. 

The most recent one had a complex about being a “nerd;” when all that really meant was that he fawned over every single marvel movie and watched dragon ball z as a kid. And sometimes he’d find it great that we were both “nerds,” but sometimes he would feel threatened by the fact that I liked things that were less socially accepted as the things he like and I didn’t have a nerd complex. Once again, it was a man who felt that his identity was threatened by my own. I was a nerd when he wanted a nerd partner, but not the right kind of nerd when he wanted to feel victimized.

Shit, this even goes back to like the third person I dated? Where in public I was so good at art, but in private I was really terrible at art. That’s a little more forgivable though because we were both like 15.

And it’s funny, because these men would always try to fit me into whatever box they’d picked out, and then be shocked when they realized I wasn’t in the box at all.

Like the same ex that tried to give me an engraved ring; near the end of our relationship (this was essentially the last of many straws for me), he was going off on some tangent about wanting to get married so that “people would finally see him as a man.” And that enraged me pretty quickly. Because not only did he apparently think that’s something I would have done, but also because he thought that would actually work. He was the type of guy who would bitch and moan about things but wouldn’t ever try to change them. And he was upset because other adults didn’t take him seriously. Which they had every right not to; he couldn’t do anything for himself (cook, clean, laundry, fix anything), all he ate was sugar (he was also diabetic, that didn’t stop him), all he drank was monster, he smoked a pack a day, he had a car with like a 24% interest rate, and he blew all of his money on yugioh cards. He was like if a middle school boy worked full time and had to pay taxes, with the maturity level to boot. 

He was surprised that I didn’t want to get married (I was 18) and that I also didn’t really respect him as an adult. And he was still surprised when I finally broke up with him after 3 years and didn’t buy his promises of change anymore. 

My most recent ex from 2 years ago wanted me to be more passive than I am. And it’s funny, looking back, because I was definitely more passive back then than I am now.

It was like he wanted a “proper” girlfriend but still dated me anyways. He would get irritated if I opened a door for him, or if I took the lead when we went places, or that I preferred to be the one driving. Actually, the taking the lead part was actually one of the reasons he broke up with me, and to this day it does not make any sense. And I guess as he got to know me throughout the relationship, the more he decided he didn’t like who I was. Which at the base level, is fine. But he realized this after like 4 months of dating, while we continued to date for another 6 (so only 4/10 months he actually had feelings for me). And he told me that only when he broke up with me after 10 months. So nice of him.

And the thing is, is that men want so badly for me to be terrible. They want me to be mean, to be cruel, to be heartless, so much so that they’ll even tell me that I need to be more compassionate and understanding after treating me worse than I treat strangers, and after using me.

And they say these things because sometimes I wouldn’t put up with their shit. Because I would talk to them about their behavior towards other people, and how they shouldn’t treat others that way. Because I wouldn’t recoil in fear whenever they threw something or tried to tip a fridge over. Because I wouldn’t coddle them when they “felt bad” for hurting me.

They’ll preach compassion until the cows come home, but really they only care about it when it can benefit them. They won’t show an ounce of compassion to another person, but as soon as they’ve done something wrong, all of a sudden you’re the most cruel person in the world for saying “hey, when you said x it hurt my feelings” and then not consoling them when they say they’re “sad now because you brought up how they hurt you.”

Idk I really got away from what I started writing about here. 

And I know not every man is like this, but I’ve encountered enough of them to where I am no longer dealing with them if I don’t have to. I consider myself lucky to be bi because at least I still have the (better) option to date women and nonbinaries. Honestly wish stopped dating men sooner, but whatever. The past is the past now, no sense in beating myself up over it.

#this is....an essay #like its LONG #its also more personal than a statement so if u read this youve been warned #long post

[hearthandhomemagick]

The Cottage Witches Journey Journal 18+ Trigger Warning (discusses adult situations and mentions abuse, assault & suicidal thoughts)

I would like to start this journal entry with who I am. My name is Carly, and my spiritual practice is focused on my Hearth and Home. I am writing this to kind of freely express myself, my experiences, and even speculations I may have. Feel free to follow me through this journey, or even offer conversation if you have a thought. I’m open for human connection and communication!

So, I’d say my journey started at a very young age. I grew up along side a river in Florida, where my family has owned land next to the water for quite a few generations. I grew up with a sizeable family and a lot of spiritual survival practices, including identifying plants and herbs for healing purposes, learning to read the land in front of me, and cleansing my heart in the current of the river when I am hurting. These were a part of my nature, and the tree bent by Native Americans, directing the flow of the water, was an asset to the land that felt like magical anytime I touched it. I was raised under the Christian faith and followed it for many many years, until I reached college. But, before I get fully into my religious transition, let me describe the woman I used to be.

As a young woman entering the world on her own for the very first time, I felt as though I had to prove my morals to the world. I felt a longing to prove to everyone why my approach to life was the best approach, and often fought with no thought to the other person in order to get my point across. I used to be fierce in my beliefs and would argue my corner until my lungs gave out. While this is admirable as a trait in defense, it is not admirable in a trait of happiness.

You see, I was learning that fighting for what I thought was right was more important than anything else, including myself. But if I am not fighting for myself, then who am I truly fighting for? The fight for “justice” took precedent over the fight for my own sanity. This was a reoccurring contemplation that passed through my mind effortlessly one day, creating an immediate explosion of, “What is Justice to me, for me?” Now, I am still no where near knowing exactly what Justice means to me. I don’t believe I will ever have a clear answer for that question, either, because it will be forever changing and growing as my understanding expands and grows. With that urge to fight my corner, I was also very extroverted with people in general. Being bullied as a kid, I never wanted anyone to feel the way I felt, so I never held back from giving positive compliments or speaking my truth. This saved and hindered me all at once because while I loved human interaction and never met a stranger, I never truly picked up on negative gut feelings for people and gave so much of my energy to everyone that I had no energy for myself. Throughout that stage of my life, I was selfish and insecure all at the same time. My roommates were from India and China in college, and were smarter than me on paper because they had better educational opportunities than I did. I say this not because I’m jealous or envious, but because they pointed it out frequently. I could feel the insecurity of my own intelligence washing over me and their comments about me being overweight didn’t make me feel any better. These insecurities caused a heavy layer of selfishness, where I wanted to only worry about my own feelings & thoughts. While a fun period I am happy to have lived in my life, it was also a side of me that should have been put into check much earlier. 

At some point, I couldn’t go back to college due to finances and was thrusted back into my hometown in Florida. This sent me into an anxiety filled depression which rocketed me into fits of self hatred, lack of motivation, lack of confidence, and staring at the pill bottle sitting on my bed side table. Through this time, I was forcing myself to pray to God that everything would be okay, & that I wouldn’t hurt anymore. I prayed, and knew I didn’t believe the words I spoke.

Let me repeat that. I prayed, knew it wouldn’t work, and still I prayed. This feeling of disconnect from my beliefs and religion rocked everything I had imagined, and yet forced me to fix my problems myself. Because I didn’t believe some magic man in the sky would magically fix all of my issues, I started contemplating whether I was connected to any spirituality at all. 

Now, when I had moved back to my hometown, I started looking for friendship and found drama. I would go to karaoke at a bar with my older sister, singing is something I breathe for, and grew tired of the criticism given to people who enjoyed what they were doing, but never met the standards of professionals. My sister started talking shit about people, and I wasn’t for that energy or drama so I stopped going. I started hanging with my friend Raven, but she moved to Jacksonville shortly after I moved back. I then started hanging with a high school friend named Jordan, whom took me different places to interact with people every once in a while. Jordan knew an old high school friend, Logan, and invited me to smoke cannabis every once in a while on the weekends. While hanging out with Jordan and Logan, Logan and I started getting closer. While my mind felt as though it was packed full of passing negative thoughts and deterioration, Logan was teaching me my morals again. 

At this point, my faith had been falling apart, but I had not vocalized it until I told Logan. The moment I went over to his apartment and started expressing that I felt religion was beautiful and yet not for me, his eyes lit up and a spark flew. We talked for hours that night, and for hours the nights after. He taught me to be an individual and made me feel as though I was smart again, he made me feel worth it. We eventually got into a relationship together and started working together to build a heathy foundation of trust, understanding, communication & sustainability. He is my equal, and I started my spiritual journey with him by my side. 

Fast forward to the end of 2019, I’m in Gainesville (Florida) with my best friend, Tiana, for Christmas shopping. We had stopped in a few stores prior and decided that going into a spiritual store would be cool, so we sought out the Bodhi Tree. This shop was a sizeable metaphysical store that I had been in every so often when in town. Once we got there, I was immediately pulled to the back of the store where the divination tools & books were located. I had always found interest in magic and the elements, especially as a child, and caught myself eyeing the oracle cards in front of me. I could feel an energy pushing me towards a specific deck, but I couldn’t figure out which it was. So I stood for a moment, contemplating why I was attracted to that area with no interest in the decks presented to me. That’s when I noticed a blue box sticking out from behind a different deck. I picked it up & observed the lovely Angels & Ancestors Oracle box in front of me, and knew from that moment on that they were meant to be mine. 

As they called to me, I found myself taking them to the check out counter and purchasing them without a second thought. I had no preface of what to expect from this, nor did I know whether this was even something I would be capable of committing to. All I knew was that my body and mind owned them before I even paid for them. The Universe confirmed the connection was meant to be when we then went to a book store and discovered an array of tarot and oracle decks & books. I bought a purple velvet tarot bag, and everything started falling into place. 

After a month of playing with the cards, connecting with and enjoying their messages and images, I proceeded to buy my first ever tarot deck, The Herbcrafter’s Tarot. I fell in love with this deck, even though it was hard to read. It was my learning deck and I started recognizing what my spirituality meant to me. 

Over time, I remained Agnostic in terms of Religion, and focused on the energy I held & self expansion. I didn’t know what to believe, think or even how far or long I was going to venture this path. Eventually, though, I recognized why I put a besom over my door and felt protective of my home and its comfortability. I started seeking more spiritual energy in my home and was beginning my path to becoming a Hearth Witch. I got with my cousin and at the beginning of 2020, I started my spiritual awakening journey. 

It started when Logan didn’t have a job to go to. I was working as a Sexual Violence Outreach Advocate and, after a few months of struggling financially, got a second job as a CBD Store Associate on the weekends. I worked harder than I ever have in my life and learned my own independence in the process. Spiritually, my vibes were low and I was experiencing anxiety, depression and PTSD from the re-traumatization of counseling Sexual Violence Survivors. I even went through a horrible time where for months on end I would wake up throwing up non stop. The doctors couldn’t figure out what it was and I lost 50 pounds from the malnutrition. I was at my lowest, and felt like focusing on myself was destroying me more than it was helping. I took shadow-work as self hatred and criticism, and forgot to put honey on my tongue before looking in the mirror. I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out why I was as sick mentally and physically as I was. 

Then, something happened. After a terrible event between my cousin and nieces, where my cousin told my nieces that chopped up dead children were in the walls of their brand new home, I recognized the importance of boundaries with everyone. Now, a lot more happened between my cousin and I prior to this, including her assuming my boyfriend was abusive because she received a reading that she felt was meant for me, but never was. So, after the drama settled, I ghosted.

I left everyone’s problems to themselves and started worrying about the things in my life I can change. This resulted in actual self reflection, self awareness & peace of mind. My tarot card readings became more clear and precise, and tarot decks started being given to me as gifts. Eventually, I noticed that my job as an Advocate was a huge problem in my life.

I experienced Sexual Violence in the past, and in my year as an Advocate, I had been paid $11 an hour to counsel up to 7-12 different Survivors in a week. I was asked to do everything, including my Supervisors job, and went above and beyond with little to no credit going towards my work. I didn’t even feel safe making a mistake or two, simply because I watched Advocates get fired for having a quiet personality or making mistakes and asking too many questions. The days leading up to my final day at that job, I was throwing up everything in my stomach every morning until 5 minutes before I had to leave, so I was late for work everyday. 

The day after my last day as an Advocate was my first time not throwing up in months. And I haven’t thrown up since I left. 

Logan started a new job that gave him ample finances, and I was making more in a week at my new job than I was as an Advocate. This is where my healing started. I started giving my mental more attention, speaking softer to myself, and appreciating the people around me. Logan even started showing me more affection, and being nicer to himself. 

Spiritually we were growing together. 

Ugh, I have so much I want to discuss and talk about with others!!!! There will definitely be more thoughts and entries as time goes on. Especially with the end of 2020.

So, this is where my journey begins. I am here because I like to talk, to speculate & even debate certain things and ideas. I love energy, and the energy people bring forward is always fascinating. So please, drop an ask, message me, or let me know your thoughts!

#tarot #spiritual #shadow work #religion #witch #kitchenwitch #hearth #hearthwitch #witchcraft #metaphysical #selflove #oracle #story #journal #witchy #spiritwork #witchdiscussion #babywitch

[thebellamybarnesarchive]

Bella finds Ben in her office with another gift from her secret admirer.

 Feat: @walshbenjamin

Bella pulled open the door to her office, having spent some time in the kitchen going over menu changes with the evening chef. "Ben?" she asked when she stepped inside, not having thought to listen in for anyone inside the black and red office, an aesthetic that fit the building and it's vibe but not the pink satin bodycon dress she wore with a softer pink sweater over it, falling off her shoulders. "What are you doing in here?"

Ben walked into his bosses office with a dozen roses. He knew that she’d had a long week and was hoping to brighten it up a little bit with some flowers. It took him a little while to make sure he picked the right flowers but now he had picked them he hoped she’d like them. Most people probably would’ve bought her daisies, she does have a few of them. But Ben knew better than to get her something her ex use to get her. People also probably thought she’d want some unique or rare flower. But Ben knew her better then that, or so he liked to think anyway. He paid attention when she talked and when she didn’t, if she paid attention so he did, which is what lead him to his choice of roses. He was snapped out of his own musings by the sound of unmistakable footsteps and quickly looked around knowing he had no real way out. He placed the flowers on her desk before looking up and adjusting his tie slightly, “Miss Barnes” he offered a nod and smile, “someone left these for you, so I thought I’d bring them her.” He stayed still hoping she wouldn’t read past his poker face. “I suppose I should get back to work though ma’am. Unless you need anything?”

Bellamy closed the door behind her, one hand holding her phone tugging up the shoulder of her oversized sweater, only for the fabric to almost immediately fall again. Her eyes however were on the flowers, corner of her mouth turning up as she saw the perfect shade of red on the petals, vibrant in a silken matte texture. "No one buys me roses," she insisted as she stepped forward, standing next to him but facing her desk. Placing her phone down she reached slender fingers out to run her palm up the side of the bouquet, searching with her eyes for a card. "Do you know who left them? Or could you maybe try and find them on the security cameras?" she asked. Bella would have usually left it, and had in the past, but it was so persistent now, honestly it would even just been nice to thank whoever was doing it. Bella's eyes lifted finally from the flowers to Ben, strong features not conveying anything but professionalism and kindness to Bellamy. "You didn't leave them, right?" she joked, nudging his arm with her elbow.

He studied her face for a reaction as she saw the roses and felt his own mouth twitch to match her own expression. He was proud of the fact that he’d made her smile, even if she didn’t know it was him. “Well someone did.” He took a few steps forward and towards the door, hoping it would be dropped and that would be the end of it. Ben felt his body coke to a sudden stop at the mention of security cameras. Quick Ben, think! He mused. “Well they were delivered by a company, not an individual. But I can look into that if you’d like?” His eyes dropped to match the petite woman’s gaze as he held it for a moment and offered a small grin, shaking his head as he spoke, “do you really think I’m that romantic Miss Barnes?” His question was meant to be a joke, but he found himself staring at her, curious to see her answer.

That was disappointing and yet entirely expected she supposed, heart obviously falling, as her chest literally sunk in a heavy exhale, that she couldn't determine who they were meant to be from. When he asked if she wanted him to look into it she simply shook her head, keeping it to herself that, of course, she was worth sending things to but not worth actually speaking with, sometimes she wondered if people preferred her as an idea rather than a reality. His own question though, with a grin on his face did lift her spirits a little, softer smile coming to her face as she looked at him because she loved speaking of such things. "For me? Unlikely, but for someone I suspect you could be entirely romantic," she answered. "Perhaps it's naive," because everyone knew Bella was, "but I don't think someone who puts themselves between people and harm could ever lack romance, it's just too passionate a thing to do." October 22, 2020

He could tel her mind was running at a million miles a second but he chose not to point it out. Not wanting to over step in anyway. He chuckled at her answer, the stoic mask cracking that little bit more, if only she knew. “I mean, I only really do that with you Miss Barnes. But I’ve never thought of myself as a passionate man. You think so?” He teased before realising he was stepping away from professional territory and clearing his throat slightly. “There’s a note on the flowers too. If you want to read it?” He thanked what ever made him decide to type the letter instead of writing it, especially with her right there now watching him too.

Bellamy frowned because she knew that right now that might have been true but not always, his experience was part of why he got hired. "I think the better question is why you don't think you are, not why I think you could be," Bellamy responded, though she was quite immediately distracted when he said there was a note. She'd felt for one but hadn't see in, drawing the roses to her and searching once more, fingers finding it she looked over her shoulder at him before she read it. "You knew there was a note? Did you read it?" she asked him, cheeky smile on her face as she raised a brow at him. How could he say he didn't think he was passionate if he snuck a peak at a note that came with roses?

He nodded his head at her words in a non verbal touché moment. She was right, he had always been the kind of guy who wanted to protect others, who would put his own safety on the line simply to protect someone else. He paused as he realised he’d almost given himself away, he scratched his neck before slightly stuttering out “oh n-no, I-I wouldn’t do that. The uh the delivery guy told me,” he added with a slight shrug, attempting to appear more casual, “apparently people miss it a lot.” He had a small grin, trying to cover up his nervous expression as he kicked himself. He hesitated before asking the next question anyway, “do you like them?”

Holding it in her hand as he answered she smirked, his shuttering only implying to Bellamy that he had definitely read the note. It didn't bother her, especially since Bellamy was rarely ever silent about affections that came her way and the note would get shown to a few people. "Uh huh, sure," she continued to smirk at him, diverting her eyes to the note, pink fire on pointed false nails tapping against the back of the card as she read. If she could have flushed she would have, but instead her cheeks grew in size as she smiled reading it. There wasn't a lot of romance to the note, but it was sweet, easy to assume it was a friend. Still a friend that saw her would have been nice to have, and anyone who saw her had a sort of romance to it. "I really like them," she answered finally, looking back up at Ben. "Why? You going to buy flowers for someone?"

The small smile stayed on his face as he realised that she was just saying it, she didn’t know it came from him after all, she genuinely liked the flowers. A sense of pride washed over his body but quickly dissipated when she asked him if he was going to buy someone flowers. “Me? No, no. Who do I have to buy flowers for?” He gave a forced chuckle trying to play it off when all his brain was screaming at him to say was, you. He stopped himself and looked at the silver watch on his wrist, “I should get going Miss Barnes, need to brief the team before dinner.” He gave a professional nod as he opened the door but turned back with a smile and a soft look in his eyes as he added, “I’m glad you liked the flowers.” He left the office, and tried to clear his head of the flooding emotions as he went back to work.

#walshbenjamin

[crimsonblackrose]

Because Big Bus didn’t open until 9:30am but most museums opened at 9am I decided rather than start my trip off at the Louvre like I had planned I would go to the Palace of Versailles. (This was also done because you can’t just go to the Louvre, you have to make an online reservation, even if you have a Museum Pass.)

Generally from downtown Paris to The Palace of Versailles it would take 1 hour and 2 minutes on the RER C line. However due to the strike this option was not available. So I took a bus to Gare Montparnasse and booked a ticket to Viroflay, only to realize at my transfer in Viroflay that my map had picked the wrong Versailles, at which point I took the bus. It probably took me over 2 hours just to get there. Due to the strikes and the rotation of which lines were running and which weren’t I highly suggest double checking everything on Citymapper. Again I hope everything is resolved by the time this post goes up, but just in case Citymapper gave me multiple routes while Google maps gave me one that I couldn’t use. Oh also, the Paris Pass public transit card didn’t go to Versailles. The Palace of Versailles is in zone 4. Which meant I had to keep buying public transit passes and wasting money when I got lost.

The first thing I did at the Palace was go through security and open my bag and show them what was in it before following people up to the gates and taking pictures. Beyond this was check-in where I scanned and started the 48 hour clock on my museum pass and was told that the palace of Versailles has a free audio guide. I highly suggest getting it if you’re not on a tour. Usually when I’m somewhere I don’t bother with audio guides but if you’ve got the time the audio guide is not only free but informative. And since I was by myself it was really nice to be able to pop into a room, look around while listening and duck to the next room, bypassing large tour groups. I’m sure the tour groups were getting a lot of unique information and any questions they had answered but I was able to get a tour and take pictures and take on the palace of Versailles at my own pace.

The palace was huge. And I was running on a pain aux chocolat, noisette, and a partially crushed croissant I’d bought at a bakery I got in Viroflay to make sure I had enough change for the bus. I stopped for a snack at the Versaille Angelina around 2pm. They had two options a side for snacks and a side for meals. Because I wanted to keep moving I decided to go down the snack route. I got a baguette sandwich and Angelina’s famous chocolat chaud. (A super thick hot chocolate). I will do an individual post on the chain Angelina’s later.

Note that there is not a lot of seating available in the snack section of the Versailles Angelina. If you are a large group and don’t see any available I suggest maybe looking at the menu again and trying the restaurant. When I arrived I was able to grab a seat by myself but in the interval it took me to start my sandwich the place filled up including all the available spaces at my own table.

There were two parts to Versailles that I managed to visit. Pre-Angelina I explored the palace itself. Post-Angelina I explored the gardens.  It took most of the day. If I had gotten their earlier, maybe not, it is possible to make Versailles a half day trip, but to give yourself time and to not stress yourself out because of how immense the grounds and everything is I highly suggest giving yourself a full day. That way if you end early then hooray you have surprise time to do something else. And if you don’t, then you prepared yourself for that.

The Palace of Versailles was home to the French monarchy for about 107 years. It lasted from Louis XIII to the French Revolution. Before, the area of Versailles, was a favored hunting ground of the previous kings, until once upon a time one decided to buy land in the area and build a small lodge. Later, after a barely avoided coup, a king decided to make it into a château. After awhile as kings came and passed Louis the XIV expanded it and hired André Le Nôtre to create the immense gardens.

The palace is symmetrical with one wing belong to the king and the other to the queen. The king’s area, much to my surprise was decked out with Roman gods. I had forgotten that Apollo was one of the few gods to not get a name change when adopted by the Romans and kept getting thrown when the audio guide would jump from saying “this room is designed with paintings of Apollo, while the next room had paintings of Mars” (Greek: Ares).

Louis XIV viewed Apollo as his own personal symbol, believing himself to be similar in many ways to the sun god. Each room was intensely decorated. Even if a lot of the actual decor from the time didn’t survive due to various wars and the revolution. The stunning art that remains though, the intricate sculptures and paintings that line every available part of the ceilings and most of the walls is due to Petite Academie, a collection of artists that the royal painter, Charles Le Brun was in charge of. The sculptures in the gardens and on the fountains are also due to him, which means I have him to thank for laughing for a good ten minutes outside one fountain in the garden.

In 1682 it became the kings primary residence and much later after some various changes and wars in 1783 it became the site of the Paris peace treaties where the U.K. signed that it recognized the United States independence. After the French Revolution and the fall of the monarchy, everything within the palace was either sent to the Louvre or sold at auction. All symbols of the monarchy (the fleur de lis) was removed (i.e. chiseled off the walls) and in 1793 it was opened for tours, while other rooms were used as a small art museum, storage and an art school.

Several French leaders thought about living in Versailles but the cost to repair the palace was generally too great to actually accomplish the goal. The 1830 French Revolution brought about a different idea. Louis-Philippe began in 1833 to change Versailles into a French Museum. He created the Galerie des Batailles (Hall of Battles) which is an immense hallway my audio guide called the Hall of Princess. Each side of the wall is filled with enormous paintings showcasing the important battles of France. It’s like a walk through history occasionally peppered with busts and statues of important people. Since then various governments have used it as a base and the current French government meets there for special occasions. It’s seen lots of treaties signed, from the aforementioned one that granted the United States independence to the treaty of Versailles which ended World War I. Many of these are signed in the stunning hall of mirrors.

The hall of mirrors is filled with beautiful chandeliers with one wall of mirrors that reflect the light and show the gardens in their beautiful glory. But also, if you go, a thing I learned early on in France, is to always look up. The ceilings are absolutely intricate and stunning with paintings and sculptures on every available inch. I have never had such a strong desire to just lay on the floor for awhile. But I figured people would look at me weird or security would yell at me so I didn’t.

After wandering the immense palace I headed out to the garden. The gardens are immense. I went with a goal to make it down to the Apollo fountain and back, which seemed like an easy goal but the large groves of trees which had a spooky air to them in winter was very alluring.

The garden is open earlier than the palace, opening at 8am, so one could technically visit the garden first then go back to the palace which is probably a very smart idea. The first thing you run into when you enter the garden is Parterre d’Eau which are two reflective pools surrounded by little maze like grasses with various statues. Down a set of stairs was my favorite fountain.

It’s called the Latona Fountain. There is no audio guide for the gardens which means you don’t get any of the history or stories for what all of the main sights are. Actually make sure you drop off the audio guide before you leave the buildings because they set off an alarm if you leave the building with it.

I found the Latona Fountain funny because from my angle I could see a bunch of regular looking people with their arms outreached above them and then one super buff frog man also reaching above him. Since I didn’t know any history. I just couldn’t stop laughing at the one buff frog man in a relatively normal fountain. But it turns out it’s based off a story, the Metamorphosis of Ovid. (Not to be confused with Franz Kafka’s Metamorphosis) Apparently in this story the peasants of Lycia insulted Latona (Leto) and it angered Jupiter (Zeus) and so he turned them all into frogs. It seems it really depends on the angle in which you look at it. All six humanoid figures are suppose to be mid transformation into frogs. Just the one I saw was much more frog-like then the others and I found it delightful and confusing.

About halfway through the gardens is the Grand Canal. I didn’t make it that far, utterly exhausted by the point I made it to the Chariot of Apollo which is a large fountain right before the Grand Canal.

Among the tree groves there are various other fountains and spots to visit. However due to winter a lot of them were covered and locked up. Which was a pain since they were such a hike from one another.

I really think during other seasons the gardens must be absolutely stunning. But wear proper shoes and prepare for a lot of walking.

By the time I left the gardens I was in need of another break. Within the gardens themselves there are various places to take a break as well as places to buy a snack but I wanted, at that point, to be out of the gardens and on my way out. So I stopped only because it was on the way out, at Ore, which was having tea time.

Originally I thought stopping for high tea sounded wonderful. Though really all I wanted was water. I’d finished off my water bottle early on in the palace and hadn’t found anywhere to refill it or buy a new one.

The high tea being offered was called La Reine Marie’s Tea Time €35. It seemed like it included too much. And I wasn’t really willing to spend €35. I wanted something smaller and found Marie-Antoinette’s delight with a section called Versailles. I assumed, incorrectly that everything under the header for Versailles was a tea set. It was not. Each item below that header was €10. What I should’ve got was a sorbet or ice cream which was €7. But instead I decided to just pick something random and went with the Versailles delight and a green mint tea.

The Versailles delight was flaky with a thick sweet filling that had a slight nutty taste. I would’ve expected it to be mind blowing seeing as I had gotten flaky pastries about 30 minutes away for about €1.50.  But I also was still within the grounds of Versailles which allows people to hike up the prices, and it was a seemingly high class restaurant. (or do all restaurants in France feel high class????)

The pastry really was good. I just am super glad it fell apart so easily and that I was cutting myself small bite size pieces because there was what seemed like a fancy pastry weight in it. Also shortly after digging the pastry weight out and triple checking it wasn’t some fancy prize that I could eat without breaking my teeth I found a hair. Kinda ruined the lavish vibe the restaurant was giving off. That coupled with having to ask multiple times for water, the whole reason I went in in the first place.

There is a lot to Versailles, and I know I didn’t see all of it. I don’t think I even scratched half of the grounds. It’s busiest from April 1st through October 31st. During which time the palace itself is open from Tuesday through Sunday from 9am until 6:30pm and is closed on Mondays. During the off season from November 1st through March 31st the palace is open from 9am to 5:30pm.

The gardens are open every day from 8am to 8:30pm (busy season) and 8am until 6pm (slow/off season). The park, which I don’t think I saw opens at 7am during busy season and also closes at 8:30pm. During slow/off season the park has the same hours as the garden.

Another area I didn’t get to see was the Marie Antoinette Estate and  Palace of Trianon. These, unlike the gardens, but like the main building are closed on Mondays. They also don’t open until much later at noon for both busy and slow times of year. During the busy time they close at 6:30pm. During the slow time of year they close at 5:30pm.

Other things to note is that there is a high chance that they’ll stop letting you in up to an hour before they close so make sure you are there early. It’s so big that I would try to make sure I got there at least several hours before closing.

There are also various fountain shows and performances, depending on the time of year. None were happening though while I visited.

The Palace of Versailles/ Château de Versailles Because Big Bus didn't open until 9:30am but most museums opened at 9am I decided rather than start my trip off at the Louvre like I had planned I would go to the Palace of Versailles.

#art #Château de Versailles #france #museums #palaces #paris #the palace of versailles #travel

[eldritchsurveys]

634.

Did you ever pretend you were someone else as a favor for a friend? >> I don’t recall ever doing that.

Do you think men prefer curvy women or skinny women? >> I think men have a variety of preferences, because men are individuals. Also, not all men prefer women in the first place. I can’t believe I’m saying any of this because like. people know this. Why am I wasting my fucking time.

Do you own a water gun? >> No.

What item most embarrasses you to purchase? >> I’m not embarrassed to purchase anything.

Do you know any actual dances or do you just move to the music? >> I don’t know any actual dances, I just freestyle it.

Do you eat pork and beans? >> I’ve done so, but I haven’t had it in a long time.

What is the last thing you refered to as legit? >> I don’t remember.

Or do you think that term is lame? lol >> No, I don’t think it’s “lame”. It’s just a fucking slang term based upon the shortening of a longer word. Christ. (I get peeved really fast about how superior people get about language, and it happens so much on surveys -- in both questions and answers -- that I’m at the end of my rope.)

Do you give cards to people for holidays or events? >> No.

Do you have anything hanging from the ceiling of your room? >> I have these fairy-light type things that suck as actual lighting but are cute enough that I’ve decided to leave them up anyway. They’re nice ambiance at night sometimes, when I don’t need to actually see anything.

The rear view mirror of your car? >> ---

Name the coolest thing about one of your grandparents >> ---

which do you prefer, dr or dentist? >> I’d prefer to avoid both.

Do you know which side your appendix is on? >> I don’t remember. Right?

Do you have the fixins in your fridge to make a sandwich? What kind? >> Yep. Turkey and cheese with mustard and slaw. There’s also pickles but we got the spear kind by accident (as opposed to sliced flat) and I never feel like cutting them so I just skip them.

Are any walls of your room blank? >> Nope.

When was the last time you ate fruit? >> I don’t remember.

What color are your favorite shoes? >> ---

If someone was willing to tell your crush you liked them would you let them >> ---

Do you know the zodiac signs of your friends? >> Yeah.

Favorite dog ever, real life and cartoon >> ---

Do you own anything with fur on it? What? >> No.

Do you choose surveys based on their titles? >> No, I choose them based on the questions. Although sometimes I don’t look at the whole survey and then get stuck with ones that devolve into chaos about halfway down.

Your appendix is on your right side >> Oh, sweet, I was right.

what would be worse for you, unplanned pregnancy or cancer? >> Dude, if I suddenly turned up pregnant, I gotta say that’d be pretty fucking bad -- because, like, how. That’s the kind of divine miracle I really can do without. But to be fair, that can be taken care of a lot easier than cancer can, so...

What was the last thing you made from scratch? >> ---

Do you drink any hot beverages? What? >> Sure. Tea and the occasional quarter-cup of coffee.

Do you put Q-tips in your ear or just round the outside? >> I try to restrict it to the outside.

Have you ever popped another person's zit? >> No. I can’t even fathom wanting to do that. Eugh.

When was the last time you listened to a radio,NOT online? >> When we were in Sparrow’s father’s car.

Do you have any odious chores hanging over your head? >> Not anything odious. I just don’t have the motivation to vacuum, although I should.

What is the last thing you confessed to someone? >> ---

Have you ever told a friend to dump their SO? Did they? >> No.

Name two things you put whipped cream on? >> ---

Who is the last person who saw you with bare feet? >> Myself.

What do you think is the coolest piercing on someone else? >> I think most piercings are cool.

Colored tattoos or plain? >> Either.

Do you ever eat peanut butter straight from the jar? >> I have, but I’m not inclined to do that these days.

Do you know how to ride a bike? Do you own one? >> Yes and yes. Do I ever actually ride it? Heh...

What was the last pill you took for? >> It’s CBD oil. Just trying to help my brain out any way I can.

How many devices do you own that hook up to internet? >> Personally, three. Collectively, we have like 9.

Any best friends you only know online? >> What friends I have are online friends.

Do you ever talk to your next door neighbor? >> No. My sole communication with them is to bang on the wall when they’re being too fucking loud.

Do most of your friends live in houses, apartments or mobiles? >> ---

Did anything shock you today? >> No.

What is the thing you last stubbed your toe on? >> I don’t remember.

Favorite faux curse word >> It was always “shiitake mushrooms”, since like middle school.

Who do you tease most often and what about? >> Sparrow, just about random shit.

slip on or lace up shoes? >> Slip-on.

Thing you stress over most about the holidays >> I don’t stress about the holidays. I have nothing to stress over since I refuse to let people put stupid obligations on me.

Food you take a second helping of on Thanksgiving? >> Stuffing and cranberry sauce.

Would you rather spend Thanksgiving with friends or family? >> ---

Most disgusting bug >> Bedbugs, natch.

nastiest thing in your fridge >> I have no idea and at this moment I really don’t want to know. Hopefully nothing.

song you hate but keep singing anyway >> ---

cookies or brownies >> Cookies.

Do you own any movie soundtracks? Which? >> No.

How many pillows do you sleep with? >> Two.

Favorite outdoors smell >> Never really thought about it.

are you wearing a hoodie right now? >> No.

Do you ever sleep in your day clothes? >> I wear the same kinds of clothes to walk around the house as I do to sleep, so, yes.

Do you prefer your clothes loose or close fitting? >> I used to prefer them close-fitting but my body issues push me towards looser-fitting clothes these days. I still have close-fitting clothes like jeans, but, you know. It’s a struggle.

Are your fave pants jeans? >> No.

Do you own any under things bought to impress the opposite sex? >> No. My underwear aren’t to impress anyone, they’re just the kind that fit me best.

Favorite thing you've ever painted >> ---

Do you eat applesauce? >> Yep, I love applesauce.

Are there any songs that remind you of your mother? >> ---

If you had a sister, would you prefer her older or younger? Why? >> ---

What is something you wanted to say today, but didnt? >> ---

What is the stupidest nick name you ever heard? >> ---

Where are your keys right now? >> Hanging on the key thing by the door. It says “REDRUM” on it, lol.

Is there any product you always buy at the dollar store? >> No.

Can you recite any prayers by heart? >> Yeah, because I grew up having to say it.

When it's your birthday, do you have the correct number of candles? >> ---

birthday cake alone, or cake and ice cream? >> I usually don’t eat birthday cake at all.

#surveys #survey #random survey

[sapphireswimming]

Aces: Chapter 7 (a Gundam 00 fic)

[read parts 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , 6 of this still-unnamed, slight-AU]

For Day 7 of @g00week​ (Tomorrow), because that’s when Chris will finally... well... you’ll see

2.5k of humor/bonding, no warnings, no spoilers

The shuttle docked on the Ptolemy and Chris pushed out of her seat, grateful for the chance to stretch her legs again. Trips to Earth were great and all, but she could do without the overnight train ride and being stuck in the shuttle after.

But Lichty and Feldt were waiting for them at the bay door.

“Welcome back!” Feldt said, smiling as Chris joined them in the hallway.

“Yeah, welcome back!” Lichty said, bounding forward to help her with her luggage.

She let him take the duffel bag from her right hand, and Feldt grabbed the book in her left. That just left her with an overstuffed backpack that she hefted further up onto her shoulders.

“Looks like you really hit the jackpot,” Lichty groaned as he realized just how heavy the bag was.

“Oh yeah!” she said, excitedly. “There were all sorts of good sales and I just couldn’t help myself. I got all sorts of things…”

Chris started moving down the hallway and Feldt followed, while Lichty awkwardly scooted along sideways with the duffel bag bouncing against his knees.

“I got some clothes, and some food,” she started counting off on her fingers.

“You didn’t forget to get some fruit, did you?” Lichty asked.

Chris turned around and laughed. “You think I’d forget?” she asked, waving her hands in front of her. “I got some apples and clementines.”

“Yes!” Lichty said, stretching out the word and looking like he would have fist pumped if he hadn’t had both hands full.

“And I got another surprise for everyone,” Chris lilted as she continued walking backwards in front of them.

“Oh man, what is it?” Lichty asked.

She grinned. “You’ll just have to wait and see.”

“Oh, come on,” Lichty groaned. “Come on, please?” Chris just laughed. “Please? Just a hint maybe? Give us a hint,” he begged as she shook her head.

“Have you had anything to eat?” Feldt asked.

“Not for a while,” Chris said, turning around again. “The last meal they gave us on the train was a while ago and I didn’t feel like digging into my bag for chips on the shuttle. Thought that if I opened it, I’d never get it all back in!”

“Well, the mess hall should be pretty empty right now,” Feldt said.

“And that means plenty of room for an unpacking party!” Lichty added.

Doctor Moreno rounded the corner and stopped just in time to avoid a duffel bag to the knees. “What’s this I hear about an unpacking party?” he asked.

“Hey, Doctor Moreno!” Chris said. “I just got back, and brought some stuff with me,” she said and Lichty lifted up the bag a bit as proof.

“We were just going to go to the mess hall to start unpacking some of it,” he added.

“Want to join us?” Chris asked. “I brought clementines.”

Doctor Moreno adjusted his glasses as he surveyed the scene. “I would absolutely love to,” he said, falling into step with them as they crossed the Ptolemy.

Once they got to the mess hall, Lichty hefted the bag on top of the table and Chris pulled it toward her to start unzipping it. The contents of the bag threatened to overflow as soon as it started to open. Feldt rescued the bag of apples that began cascading down the side and the clementines that wanted to follow soon after.

She crossed to the cabinets and retrieved the fruit bowl they owned for just such an occasion, taking them out of the bags and neatly stacking each fruit into a pyramid.

Lichty claimed two of the apples before they could disappear, stuffing them into his jacket pockets for later. Moreno asked him for a Clementine which he doubled back to get, tossing it across the table. He started to peel it and popped a slice in his mouth as Chris began unpacking the rest of the bag.

There were bags of candy and cookies already spread across the table. She added multiple bags of popcorn, “For our movie nights,” she said with a wink. Then came a series of differently flavored teas, their tins clinking against the table as she lined them up.

Next was a layer of clothing—shirts, scarves, and a dress—that she bundled into Feldt’s arms. “It has such a billowy skirt, you’re going to love it,” she promised.

Behind them was a brightly colored bag that Lichty grabbed. “Huh, these are new,” he said, reading the label to discover they were a kind of Filipino shortbread.

“Oh, yeah, those are really, really good,” Chris said. “I cracked open the other bag while I was waiting for the elevator. I think I put the rest of them,” she rummaged around until she found a tin of Italian wafers, “in here!” She pulled off the top and tipped out a bunch of individually wrapped polvoron. “Lasse owes me big for tracking that down,” she said as she set the tin aside.

“Oh, and this worked out perfectly,” she said, pulling out two pairs of aviator sunglasses and handing them over to Moreno and Lichty. “Here you go.”

“For me?” Lichty asked, immediately trying them on.

“There was a buy one, get one half off sale,” she said, shrugging a little and grinning. “How was I supposed to pass that up?”

Moreno turned over the pair in his hands, considering them for a moment before taking his glasses off and tucking them carefully into his shirt pocket. He blinked a little at the bright light overhead, but quickly replaced them with the new lenses and stared at different points around the room to see how they compared.

“Thank you, Chris,” he said.

“Of course!” she replied, brightly. “Thought you could use an update. Or a backup pair, in case you don’t really like them,” she added.

“No, these are wonderful,” he said with a smile.

“How do I look?” Lichty asked, swiveling his head so everyone could get a good look at them.

“Perfect,” Doctor Moreno said.

Feldt leaned over the table to get a better look. “They look really good,” she told him.

Lichty beamed. “Really?”

“Really,” Chris laughed. “They look perfect on both of you. Just like I knew they would.”

“Awesome,” Lichty said as he went to take them off. “Too bad there’s not much use for sunglasses up here,” he lamented.

As both of Moreno’s eyebrows rose, Lichty tried to back peddle. “Uh, I mean these are perfect! And I’ll wear them all the time,” he said, quickly putting them back on as Chris uncovered a few clinking bottles of booze for Miss Sumeragi.

“And Feldt, I got that other stuff we were talking about,” she said, pulling out a large shopping bag and hiding it beneath the table as soon as Lichty tried to peek inside. “Uh no,” she said, “You don’t get to see it yet! It’s a surprise,” she said, handing it off to Feldt who carefully put it under her chair.

Lichty pulled a face but was soon distracted by the long box Chris hefted onto the table. “But this,” she said, with a wild glint in her eyes, “is for everyone.”

“What is it?” Lichty asked, pulling up his sunglasses to get a better look at the printing on the side of the box.

“Trading cards,” she announced with glee.

Feldt and Lichty both looked confused. “Trading cards…?” they asked.

“Yes,” Chris said, pulling off the perforated top of the cardboard box. “They’ve started making trading cards of the pilots from each Bloc. Because of the show,” she said.

“No way!” Lichty said, moving to stand right next to her as she opened them.

“Yeah, I had no clue until I saw these near the checkout of this one place and I was like I need to get these. So they sell them in these mystery packs. Each Bloc is a different color foil, see?” she said, holding them up. “The Union’s silver, AEU’s gold, and the HRL is this bronze-ish color. It would have taken too long to do the math for how many I needed to get for everyone to end up with 3 packs,” she admitted. “So I just…”

“…Bought a box,” Feldt supplied.

“Yep! So hopefully there’s enough in here for everyone to get a pack of each,” she said, starting to count through them. Midway through, she stopped and just upended the box, shaking out the packs and spreading them around the table, sorting them by color.

Lichty extended an arm and swept the rest of her finds off to the edge of the table so they would have more room to distribute them.

“If we don’t have enough for everyone, we don’t have to give any to Tiera,” she laughed. “You want some, though, right?” she asked, turning to Moreno.

“Of course,” he grinned, laying his half eaten Clementine aside long enough to grab a pile and start counting how many packs there were. “If there are enough of these,” he added. “Which… it looks like there will be,” he said before starting to deal them out in piles as if they were playing cards. “Looks like there are thirty six packs, so that’s enough for everyone and then an extra set of each.”

“Mine!” Chris claimed before anyone else had a chance to open their mouths. “They’re mine – I bought them. They’re mine. I get the extras.”

Moreno and Feldt finished divvying up the packs into equal piles. Lichty immediately grabbed one, then paused. “Can I?” he asked Chris.

“Go for it,” she said, and he started unwrapping. Feldt also picked up a pile and Moreno slid one over toward himself as he ate another slice.

Feldt started reading off the backs of the foil wrapped packs. “… Based on the TV spot and featuring pilots and mech units from across the world, this AEU mystery booster pack contains 6 regular cards, 2 uncommon cards, 1 rare card, and 1 sticker.”

“Stickers, huh?” Moreno asked as he carefully tore the corner off of a silver pack.

“I’ll take them if you don’t want them,” Chris offered, a twinkle in her eye.

He looked affronted, pulling his hards closer. “Steal my stickers?” he asked with a crooked grin. “Never,” he said, crumpling up the wrapper and dropping it onto the table where it quickly unfolded from its crinkled ball.

“Oh, well would you look at that,” he said, peering down at his cards. “A Graham Aker. Good beginning. And… another Graham Aker,” he said, flipping to the next one. “Lucky me.”

“What?” Chris pulled his hands down to see two different shots of the Union’s Ace staring up at her. “Oh my god.” She released his hand to grab her six packs and start in on a Union one. Within moments, it was unwrapped, and she flipped through it wildly, face falling as she realized that hers didn’t contain a Graham card. “Noooooo,” she said, “no, no, no.”

“You still have another pack,” Feldt consoled her, picking up the other silver pack and holding it out to her.

Quickly, Chris opened it and rifled through the cards. “What?” she asked in distress as she did it again. “I don’t have one. How do I not have one? It should be impossible not to get a Graham Aker card in a Union pack,” she wailed.

“Feldt, Lichty, do you have one?” she asked, slamming both hands on the table as she leaned over toward them.

Feldt rotated her hand of cards to show that she did indeed have a Graham. Lichty snatched his cards closer to his chest. “So what if I do?” he asked, voice wavering.

“Lichty, give me your Graham,” Chris demanded, holding out a hand.

“No,” he said, moving them over past his shoulder.

“Then trade me your Graham. I’ve got…” she fanned out her cards, “I’ve got a Darryl and Howard, and the guy from Iowa, and two Joshuas, and the ponytail scientist guy, and like five Flags. Here,” he held out a card, “take a Joshua.”

Lichty checked his cards. “No, I have a Joshua too.”

“Fine, then what about Darryl and Howard? Then you can have both of them. Or some Flags,” she offered instead. “Do you want some Flags? I’ll trade you three Flags for Graham.”

“No,” Lichty protested, lifting his cards high up in the air to keep them out of reach as Chris came around the table.

“Fine,” she grumbled, then turned her attention to Moreno. “You’ve got two,” she said. “Will you trade me a Graham? I’ll give you anything I’ve got,” she said.

She didn’t see the slicing motions Lichty made across his neck from behind her. Feldt chuckled.

Moreno raised an eyebrow. “Hmmm,” he said, pulling up his hand to study it. “Hmmm, no, I don’t think so?” he said slowly.

Chris slumped over the table for a moment. “Come on, what do you want? Do you want to trade cards from another Bloc?” She began ripping open another pack. “Here, look, okay, I have two Somas. I’ll trade you a Soma for a Graham,” she said, waving it in front of her.

Moreno pursed his lips and shook his head. “I don’t know what I’ve got in my HRL pack yet,” he said. “But I’m pretty sure I don’t need a card of the Ace who puts Allelujah in the med bay every time they fight.”

Chris threw his hands up in the air. “Uh, fine! Although technically,” she said, waving a pointed finer around the room. “Technically, these should all be mine. Come on,” she pleaded. “Won’t anyone trade me their Graham?”

Moreno adjusted his glasses and shook his head. Lichty put down his shades again and kept his cards flat against his jacket. Feldt shook her head.

“I hate all of you,” she declared, although there was no real heat behind it. With a long arm, she swept several piles of unopened packs off the table into her arms and moved toward the door.

“Wait, where are you going with those?” Lichty asked.

Feldt stood from her chair. “Weren’t you going to get something to eat?” she asked.

Chris turned toward them again. “No. No, I think I’m going to find someone who will trade me a Graham,” she said, pushing out of the mess hall.

As the door hissed shut behind her, Lichty pulled his sunglasses back up onto the top of his head and leaned over the table, inspecting his cards again. “Okay,” he said, rocking forward on his elbows, “who wants to trade a…”

 Bonus:

Lasse also doesn’t have a Graham, otherwise he would trade with Chris

Sumeragi does have a Graham and while she takes a look at the Billy card while considering a trade, she ultimately refuses to be complicit in fueling this ridiculous crush Chris has

After unwrapping the AEU pack to see Kati looking up at her, she has to excuse herself from the bridge

Chris ends up slipping her double Soma to Allelujah

Tieria doesn’t want to accept the packs at first, but Lockon laughs and takes them for him. It turns out he has a Graham, but he suddenly becomes extremely attached to his cards and refuses point blank to trade anything

Later, he thoroughly examines every card in the quiet of his cabin, looking for any statistics that were unaired or may come in useful and finding nothing

Chris has a blast with the stickers

#gundam 00 #g00week #christina sierra #lichty tsery #joyce moreno #(IMAGINE SUCH A THING I GET TO USE THE MORENO TAG) #feldt grace #durinswizardwheezes #ninthfeather #the beginning of this fic got a little away from me #because i have headcanons of how trips to earth go haha #but i think this is the chapter i am most proud of for this fic so far #so happy i can finally post it #also if you ever get the chance to try some polvoron please do it's amazing #anyway LOOK A THIS I HAVE POSTED A THING FOR EVERY DAY OF GUNDAM 00 WEEK #I MIGHT CRY #mine #fanfiction #ss

[tapwrites]

XP-Pen Artist 10S v2

Yeah... that’s a mouthful ain’t it?

I recently got myself a graphics tablet... with a SCREEN!! I’ve been wanting one of those since I knew they existed, but for the longest time only the insanely-priced Cintiqs were available.

In recent years, it turns out, other manufacturers have branched into screened graphics tablets also--slowly bringing down the price to an attainable level.

I got my Artist 10S for £199.99 from Amazon. Let me tell you how it went.

From the Top

I have done art before. I was half-decent at it when I was around 10 or so. But it’s been a while. I got myself a decent “dotted” sketchbook and started sketching things out in it to run my RPG sessions. That’s really what gave me the bug to get into drawing again. And to actually buy a tablet to do so!

I downloaded Krita, a free Photoshop-like application for artists. It’s super-powerful, once you figure out how it works. But there are plenty of tutorials online about that if you’re interested in checking it out.

...But anyway, Krita has some nice smoothing algorithms you can turn on for drawing with a pen tablet. The pen doesn’t have tilt and rotation detection, but pressure sensitivity works well with Krita and gives me plenty of expressiveness to get on with. And I was pretty instantly busting out some sweet curves!

It was a pretty amazing experience, really--getting to draw freehand while also having the capability of undo, erase, etc. I’m not saying it brought a tear to my eye, but it was a nice moment.  😂

Config

The tablet has 6 “Express Keys” along the side, which are configurable to key combinations. When you hold them down, that key is held down (this’ll become important later). I currently have them set to things like canvas pan/zoom/rotate, and a couple of other “hold to use” shortcuts.

The pen is somewhat triangular along the barrel, meaning it won’t roll around on your desk. But it’s smoothed out enough to feel just fine in your hand. It has two barrel buttons, though these are only configurable to mouse various clicks and a preset “brush/eraser” toggle (which didn’t work with Krita out of the box). There is no “eraser” button at the other end (like a pencil with an eraser at the other end)... but I’d find that too fiddly and time consuming to flip it around anyway.

The lack of options for the pen is a little disappointing. Things like this are insanely easy to implement in code--as demonstrated by the express key options. So there’s not really any excuse for it other than the company being small, and this product originally belonging to a different company XP-Pen... bought out or something? I dunno. We’ll get onto them in due course.

Oh, a little side note... the configuration app is only readily accessible from a system tray icon (in Windows). This is fine when you first install the drivers. (And then install the updated drivers so the tablet actually works.) But it has a habit of just... disappearing. After Hibernation or Sleep, that icon tends to wander off somewhere.

And all XP-Pen have to say on that score is to give instructions on how to make it appear again--which only works half the time and may require a restart anyway. I’ve since figured out where the config application itself is kept, and made a shortcut to it in my start menu. In case anyone else is having the same troubles as me, here’s the file path: “C:\Windows\SysWOW64\tabcfg.exe”

Screen

This tablet has a screen! Still getting over that XD

The screen is only 10.1″ corner to corner, which is a little smaller than the average screen tablet such as the Cintiqs. But it’s plenty big enough when it’s sitting right in front of your for actual drawing.

Another reason I pulled the trigger on buying one of these is to get a second screen. I often watch various Youtube videos in the background while I’m playing games and whatnot. I used to prop my Chromebook up next to my regular monitor. This worked fine, but pausing everything when someone came in to speak to me (just a politeness thing I like to employ; nothing sneaky going on)... was a bit of a hassle. And balancing the audio between devices had its own fiddliness (besides the piddly Chromebook speakers not being able to get loud enough for quieter videos).

But now, with two monitors hooked up to the same computer, everything’s a lot easier. I can move windows between screens easily enough. And pausing a video is as simple as moving the mouse over to the other screen and clicking.

Colour Calibration

However! I am having some trouble with the colours. I was drawing away just fine, a simple cartoon character to try out the shading tools and so on and get used to Krita. Then for whatever reason, I saw the picture on my main monitor. The skin tone was way off--too red for what I was actually going for. It seems the tablet screen likes to give everything a yellow tint--making picking colours pretty tricky.

I’ve tried keeping a preview window open on my main monitor so I can see the “true” colours, but this is really not conducive to a productive work space. Or something ^^

I spend a few days trying to configure the colour management side of things from Windows and NVIDIA (the tablet has back light brightness buttons and that’s it)... but it’s just darned fiddly! I can never quite be sure if it looks right or not--or if both screens at least look similar. All I want is a “click on a colour on the screen, and remove some yellowness from it.” You wouldn’t have thought it would be that hard to do, would you?

But instead I had to use gamma, brightness, and contrast sliders. I think I get brightness and contrast... and I thought I knew what gamma was. But it just never turns out quite how I expect. All I want is a step-by-step tutorial on “First, get your gamma correct across all colours. Here’s how you do that...” And so on and so forth.

There are plenty of test-card images out there, which are a good start. But nothing giving you a list of instructions.

See, if you fix the brightness and contrast, it doesn’t necessarily mean things look right. So then you mess with the gamma and nothing makes sense any more. It seems as though you need to adjust all 3 at the same time to be sure you’re actually making any progress.

I even had a Windows bug where my colours wouldn’t stick. I had to create a new user account (with all the headaches of setting things up all over again) just to fix that issue and make any progress whatsoever!

/sigh/

And this doesn’t even talk about the contrast issues it already has. No matter what I do, it’s too bright in some areas and too dark in others. And with my colours fixed the way they are now, they look closer to my main monitor but not perfect. And they make some things just look a tad awful, across the board.

I’m managing, though. Using it for art--at least black and white art--is great, and as long as I focus on the tablet itself, the colours work just fine.

I did contact XP-Pen, to see if they had a solution. Most companies allow you to download an .icc file--a colour profile so the computer can correct a monitor’s output perfectly--but they just straight-up don’t. After 3 workdays of waiting, they told me to use Windows’ built-in calibration tools--which of course I’d been bashing my head against for the past week.

In case anyone else is having similar colour problems, I’ll give you the settings I used to half-fix it. Note that this is far from perfect, but it certainly seems a lot better than it was before, to my eye.

As I have an NVIDIA graphics card, I used their control panel to change the settings to the following values:

Red: 85% Brightness, 25% Contrast, 0.69 Gamma.

Green: 62% Brightness, 25% Contrast, 0.89 Gamma.

Blue: 90% Brightness, 25% Contrast, 0.72 Gamma.

I think the “All channels” part is just an average of the 3 colours. But in case it’s not...

All channels: 77% Brightness, 25% Contrast, 0.76 Gamma.

XP-Pen

That brings me onto the company itself. From what I understand, they’re a small company out of China? Or maybe the US? Or both? It’s really hard to tell from their website.

But anyway... I can only assume they’re too small a company to really provide decent support for their products. The response time is way too high, considering the price tags attached to their products. And the “shrug” attitude instead of providing solutions didn’t go down well with me.

Now, there are devices out there that calibrate a screen for you. The cheapest I could find is £90, and comes with a single-computer license. And that’s fair enough; most people don’t need them, and the ones that really need them are photography professionals who have to be willing to shell out some cash or produce poor work. But I’d prefer not to have to get one just to use it once and never look at it again.

The thing is, with this calibration thing, XP-Pen saying something very telling to the customer. They aren’t willing to get a calibration tool themselves, use it on a tablet, and make the resulting .icc file available for all of their customers to use--at least as a good starting point. Instead, they insist that each individual customer buys one themselves if they want any hope of getting relatively accurate colours from their purchase.

I may contact them again, to point this out to them. I mean, it may be that my unit is simply faulty and should be replaced... but then it should be replaced.

/sigh again/

Overall

I am happy with using the tablet. The tech is amazing, for the price. But such a lack of support is really dragging down the experience.

I highly recommend getting a screen tablet. If not this one, then perhaps another. Maybe your Artist 10S won’t have this issue at all and it’ll be perfect right off the bat.

It’s so awesome to be able to draw on your screen, and has really helped me get back into art-ing. I can already see improvement in my skill over the past week, through drawing every day after such a long time not drawing at all!

#Graphics Tablet #Screen #Colour Calibration #Xp-Pen

[sesl2020]

The Details: are they God’s or the Devil’s?

I don’t care; I just love them.

Pick Stitching

Suit Linings

Interior Pockets

Flat Piping

Contrast Collars

and OMG the feel of the fabric.

In 2007 while working at Harry Rosen as Visual Coordinator for Alberta, the new spring season of Etro arrived. I almost cried. The jackets were so beautiful. Colourful mix-matched tweeds, luscious paisley satin linings and contrast lapels to die for. The guys thought I was crazy and not for the first time. (I had recently lost almost 100 lbs with Jenny Craig and was not quite sane) But…

Please excuse me while I rip off my shirt. I’m having a Chinook. This talk of menswear is making me hot. Yes ZZTop, there really is nothing sexier than a well-dressed man. Not necessarily expensive, just well. In the late 70’s/ early 80’s young men made a point of being grubby. Not even cool, like grunge, just grubby and unkempt with the absence of style. It was supposed to be Macho. Or Poetic. Hmmmm. Yes, this is the way I tell a story. Bare with me. He-Heh.

…But, the fresh new offerings reaffirmed my love of all aspects menswear. Back in the day, the mid 80’s, I remember the guys at Jack Fraser Menswear in Winnipeg where I was the Regional Display person (or Displaced Person as the called me)  teasing me at my excitement over a new box of ties. Not just any ties. New Bosa silk paisley ties. Yes, it’s supposed to sound like Boss. I got so sick of polyester neats and stripes. It was like Christmas when something new came in to go with all the pink dress shirts. Oh the 80’s.

And then again yesterday evening…. André, my hunnybunny, had gotten paid in Brooks Brothers Gift Cards. $1800 worth. Go figure. Very sadly, during the apocalypse our local Brooks Brothers closed their doors and, as far as we know, permanently.  So, unable to order online in Canadian Dollars, as usual I ended up calling them in the States where they manually entered my order and Gift Cards. Very Helpful, Thanks Michael!

Less than a week later and after paying $150 in taxes and duty Fed Ex delivered an oddly small box containing 5 pairs of dress pants, a windowpane suit jacket, and a $100 belt.  I says to André: ‘why did you order another black belt?’ He says: ‘I’ve never owned a $100 belt before.’ Fair Enough.

Eeek! forgot to do my 500 steps this hour. Back in 3.

Pant! Pant!

As he modeled them, he has a very cute butt and he knows how to strut, I was carefully taking all the tags and labels off, the feel of the fabric and the precision of the stitching brought me back to my happiest career hours picking out coordinates for the windows and dressing bust forms.  One of my weirder skills is being able to unpackage a dress shirt with all its itty bits put neatly in the shirt bag with my eyes closed in less than 5 seconds. If only there were Retail Olympics…

Anyhoo, it was the Grey Windowpane Jacket that really made me smile. The contrast red felt collar lining, the one red threaded button, the red flat piping along the interior lining and pocket. It even has a strip of lining to hold the double vents from flapping. Classic design well-executed is Nirvana. And makes me drool. 

But, don’t forget to undo the Vent stitching. It makes you look…..inexperienced.

Subtlety and Restraint are two excellent ways to describe menswear in general. Well, British and North American menswear. The Europeans are much more outgoing. As I possess neither subtlety nor restraint these are things I admire and covet. Nothing makes me happier than a faint blue, red, or bronze stripe hidden in charcoal flannel. Pick it out with a blue or oxblood tie, cognac shoes and belt and it’s sublime. Step back (5 foot rule) to see if it works. If the suit is striped add a plaid Windsor Collar shirt or if it’s plaid add a yarn-dye stripe. And a pocket square if you’re feeling impish. 

Ah the fabrics, and the ties, and the patterns and styles all with their unique lingo. Mmmm Lingo. 

Whisper with me:

Bespoke

Epaulet

Haberdashery

Collar Roll

Sartorial

Pinstripe

Sprezzatura…..

Definitely the Devil.

I’ve bought a lot of menswear over the years. For myself. My former partner would have nothing to do with anything that wasn’t an old dirty fedora and a dusty ripped trenchcoat. God, he sounds like a Flasher.  It was kind of the same thing as buying myself a present on Father Day because on Mother’s Day even after 3 children I still heard ‘you’re not my mother’. Not that I’m bitter. I gave the man Twins. What more can I do.

Having never been petite of stature or nature, sometimes menswear was my only option. 5’8, size 11 feet, and superbly curved I did not fit the skinny, big haired lollipop girl ideal of the times. Not only did they not offer any kind of fashion in a size 14-16, but all the pants were too short and all the sleeves were ¾. Ok, I had to take in all the waists in men’s stuff, but, as if being one of the only women working in menswear wasn’t enough, wearing it was my own personal rebellion against the female stereotype. That, and I loved the Jackets. Shoulder Pads reigned supreme at that time and they who had the shoulder pads had the power.

And, in any case, it was suicide to wear anything sexy or revealing. Sexual Harassment was rampant. And expected. And a man’s right. I almost stabbed a store manager to death with my wire cutters one day when he grabbed my ass and I automatically back handed him. Any job you applied for you had to have a professional answer ready for ‘How badly do you want this job?’ The things that were said to me on a daily basis even from my bosses would make your hair curl.

‘Do you know what would look good on you? Me.’

I remember a guy at the St. Vital store that kept trying to get me to go to his place for a quicky at lunch. One day I got so tired of it that I finally grabbed my tape measure and told him to whip it out ‘cause I wasn’t going to waste my time for less than 9”. He declined. And left me alone from then on. 

I digress, it’s so nice to be older and wiser and not care about being taken seriously. And people go to jail now for being…. impolite. I dress like a sexy bamf on a daily basis, embrace my curves and still have more balls than most men I’ve known. And I still love menswear.

Omg! Chinooking again. Why? Why do I wear lycra pants? Oh ya, they make my butt look almost as cute as André’s, but so hoooot. And not in a good way. Excuse me as I take them off also. That’s better.

Despite the handicap of his father, I managed to raise my son to be a well-dressed individual.  I think a lot of it was my Father’s influence as well. My Father came of age in the 50’s wearing khaki’s, Dack’s, golf jackets on the weekends and suits to work every day. And, of course, he taught me how to tie a tie. He was left-handed, but forced to be right-handed in school so he batted and tied his tie from the left. Which was awesome because I was right-handed so it all worked out when he showed me.

This is also the man who refused to by a new pair of jeans for the entire 70’s. He wouldn’t wear flares. He had a pair of twill demin pants in narrow white, yellow, and brown stripes that were so recognizable that my Great Aunt Vera recognized him from her moving vehicle as he was filling up at a gas station. It must have been the ’69 Biscayne*. She had just arrived in town from Winnipeg and hadn’t seen him for a few years. Those were some pants. But they weren’t flares.

The ‘80’s on were a big relief for him. He spent the rest of his life, we lost him to Cancer in 2005, in khakis and neat plaid short sleeved shirts and polo shirts. I kept his Grey Flannel Pants and Navy Blazer for years.

We also called him Sir…

And Again! Forgot to do my 500 steps this hour. Back in 3.

….When we would call him at the office, (in Grade 2, an avid reader, I called him every time I finished a chapter in Alice in Wonderland) you couldn’t just ask for Dad. Everybody was a Dad. So we asked to speak to George. When he came on the line he would say ‘That’s Sir to you, kid.’ And it stuck. Even our friends called him Sir. My sister’s kids called him Papa Sir. Kinda like Papa Smurf only more respectful. My youngest niece, Courtney, called him Papa Sewer, but that was just the way she spoke as a toddler. We found it very amuuuuusing. As did he.

Aaaaand, back to my son. I actually enlisted him to work part time at Rosen’s when he was 16. He wanted (or did he?) a part-time job and we needed a Saturday merchandiser. I’d already taught him and his twin sisters how to fold their clothes properly, iron a shirt, and do their laundry. I also taught them that when they look at clothing in a store they need to put it back exactly they way they found it. Respect for Retail. It was sooo fun to dress him and see him get measured for his first suit. Staff Discounts Rock! We never actually worked together at the same time, but it was cool to work at the same place.

I also told him, it being his first job, that ‘If you’re late, screw up, or make me look bad I will let them fire you.’ I also told him ‘Don’t forget we work this lifestyle, we don’t live it.’ Entitled is not a good look on anybody. He chose his Boss suit for Grad, slim fit with pointy shoes and put his long blonde hair in pony tail for the occasion. This was way before man-buns which he would have scoffed at anyway.

I was so proud of him at the first Christmas Party and and at the 2nd he wore his made to measure Tilford purple velvet peak lapel Jacket. As he danced with his girlfriend on the dancefloor I couldn’t help shouting ‘Shake what your mama gave you!’ He got me back when we did a company paintball tournament. The pic of us two in our guns an gear hung in the staff room for ages. But, kept he shooting me. It hurt.

‘William, we’re on the same team. Stop shooting me!’

‘Then stop being a pylon.’

If anyone has pics or memories of the things I’m describing, please feel free to share with rest of us!

*more on Dad’s Vehicles. ’64 Pontiac Stratochief ’71 Chevrolet Impala Custom and the Volaré Station Wagon Woh-oh. Volaré! Woh-oh-oh-no! Not a GM product. ‘Nuff Said. Stay Tuned.

#welldressedmen #menswear #devilinthedetails #metoo #haberdashery #merchandising #display

[caroline-min-max]

A Special Day

The alarm clock went off, Max stretching his arms before he sat up in bed and reached over to turn it off. He looked over the nightstand at his twin. Min was still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and seeming like he could’ve used a few extra minutes.

“Good morning!” Max said with a cheerful smile.

Min muttered something that sounded almost like it could have been a very drowsy “Good morning” back.

“Happy birthday!”

Min paused for a moment as Max’s words registered, he then quickly perking up. “Hey, that’s right! Happy birthday!” He smiled back at his twin.

“I got you something…” Max leaned over the side of his bed and pulled out a wrapped present beneath it, laughing when he saw Min was doing the same. “I thought that I should give it to you here where Miss White won’t see. She might feel bad.”

“Well we didn’t say anything to her. It’s not her fault.”

It wasn’t like the twins’ birthdays had ever been a big deal anyway. If the folks who ran the orphanage remembered, they’d get an extra cookie at most and that was about it. Nothing special. They were used to it.

This is why the twins stopped dead in their tracks when they entered the kitchen for breakfast and saw that Caroline had to have gotten up long before them. A “Happy Birthday!” banner was hung up that absolutely hadn’t been there when they went to bed and not one, but TWO cakes had been made. A strawberry flavored one with white icing that said “Max” on it and a chocolate one with brown sugar frosting that said “Min” on the other. Also on the table were two presents with cards on top of them.

Min and Max could only stare, completely dumbfounded. Caroline was washing the utensils she’d used to make the cakes in the sink, somewhat startled when she turned and saw the brothers were finally up.

“There you two are!” Caroline said happily with a bright smile. “Happy birthday, Min! Happy birthday, Max!” she said enthusiastically as she hurried up to them.

The twins’ jaws dropped. She’d claimed she’d be too shy to ever wear it when they’d bought it for her, but here Caroline was, wearing the pink and white dress the twins insisted was perfect for her during a shopping venture months ago.

It looked even better on her than they’d pictured; she wouldn’t them take a look after she’d tried it on in the fitting room. It was by no means revealing; Min and Max would never pick out something like that. However, it was a few inches shorter than what Caroline would normally wear and sleeveless. The bows around the bottom were really just too cute and it completely flattered her curvaceous figure. She was wearing a pair of ankle strap heels that showed off her dainty feet. Seeing them in such harmless looking, feminine footwear it was hard to believe they could be capable of lethal kicks if Caroline struck someone with full force.

“Boys?” Caroline cocked her head to the side, wondering why they were just standing there gaping at her. “D… Do I look silly in this after all?” She looked down at her dress self-consciously.

“No way!” Min answered quickly. “You… You look…” He went red and couldn’t continue.

Max tried to speak, babbling something incoherent that made Caroline give him an even more curious look. Both of them were acting so strange. He shook his head, snapping out of it. “You… You did this for us?”

Caroline nodded. “I hope you like it! I… know the cakes are little rough, but I promise they should taste good! I don’t know how people manage to make the frosting look so smooth and neat!” She laughed nervously. “I tried really hard!”

“We can‘t wait to try them!” Max assured. “Min and I just don’t know what to say…”

Caroline didn’t just make them one cake that had both their names on it. She’d bothered to make TWO, paying attention to the types of flavors they both enjoyed and treating them like individuals. While they may share a birthday, she was obviously trying to make it unique and special for both of them.

“We never told you our birthdays,” Min pointed out, finally able to speak again, although looking directly at Caroline was difficult.

A devious look came over Caroline face. “I maybe sort of snooped around in some files at Arkham.” She giggled. “You two tried to steal some interesting things when you were teenagers.”

The twins blushed in embarrassment. Caroline was actually pretty pleased at what she saw; they’d been nothing but honest with her about their criminal histories and she didn’t see any offenses in their files that made her afraid of them. Just your typical duo trying to make a quick buck and maybe shooting someone here and there.

“So maybe it’s a little early for cake, but you can open your gifts now!” Caroline urged.

The twins didn’t need to be told twice. They opened the envelops first, each getting a different card and message from Caroline written in them. It was only a few sentences about how she felt they’d enriched her life, but it meant more to them than she’d ever realize. These were cards they were always going to keep in a safe place.

“Thank you, Miss White,” they both said, a bit choked up.

“I really mean it,” Caroline replied. “I never imagined we’d go from acquaintances, to friends, to like family, but I’m very grateful.” They shared a warm moment just smiling at one another fondly. “Alright, now hurry and open those gifts!”

The twins tore into the paper, Min finding a rectangular box inside his. Max paused to see what his brother had gotten, both of them wowed when they saw it was a very expensive watch.

“Miss White…” Even with their heists going well Min couldn’t justify buying something so pricey for himself and he hadn’t had an opportunity yet to swipe one.

If she bought Min that, what could she possibly have gotten for him? Max opened his thin, square present to see a signed rare first edition of his favorite comic series. “How did…?!”

Caroline was grinning. “I take it I did well?”

The twins nodded, then thanking her.

“How did you know?” Min asked.

“I just pay attention is all,” Caroline answered simply. “With you it was easy, but I was debating about what I should get Max. I may get the comics Max is into confused with one another, but I can at least remember the names. I looked through his collection one day when you two were out and saw he didn’t have a number one to this series.”

“It came out when Min and I were little,” Max answered. “I was lucky to get what I have, but I can’t believe you…” He was still stunned.

“It’s interesting how becoming a criminal has made meet so many people. I’m getting all these connections that enable me to get the most interesting things. Also…” Caroline held up a trio of tickets that were on the table. The twins hadn’t even noticed them until now. “We all wanted to see the same movie, so I bought these in advance for the first showing today! I thought that still left the two of you plenty of time if you have plans or want to do something together. I hope the movie is OK? I just… You two have become very special to me so I’d like to spend some of your birthday with you!”

“Nothing would make us happier!” Max replied. “We want you with us the whole day!”

“Yeah!” Min agreed. “Lets all go out tonight!”

“The usual place?” Caroline asked. That hardly seemed special, but if they really wanted to…

The twins looked at one another, having gotten the exact same idea.

“Will you finally dance with us?” Max asked.

Caroline’s ears slanted behind her head. She knew they’d always wanted her to, and would ask from time to time if she felt like it, but thought they must have given up on the idea by now. “…Ah…” She hesitated. “I… Really don’t want to say ‘no’ on your birthday, but…”

“Please?” the twins asked together, giving her puppy dog eyes.

“Oh, that’s not fair!” She huffed with a small stomp of her foot. “I would think any of the ladies there would love to dance with you two!”

“But they’re not YOU, Miss White,” Min replied.

Caroline didn’t seem to understand the complete dedication and devotion they had to her. Sure Min and Max could easily find dance partners, but that would feel like they were betraying Caroline. They also worried about whether about whether any ladies they picked would possibly flirt with them, which they absolutely didn’t want. Despite not being in a romantic relationship with Caroline they’d still view it as cheating on her.

They really had their hearts set on this. Caroline didn’t want to disappointment them. “I’ve never been out dancing and I don’t want to make a fool of myself and embarrass you two…”

“You won’t!” Max quickly replied.

“No one will say anything, especially after what happened last time!” Min reminded. “The stain is still there!”

That was true; it was an event that no one would be forgetting for a very long time. The trio were hanging out at the henchmen hangout mostly to hide from Batman one evening. He’d completely spoiled their heist, the three trying hard to find some solace that they’d gotten away. They were in foul moods, seething in a far corner.

That was when it happened. A newcomer thug-for-hire, who knew nothing about the White Rabbit, her two overprotective henchmen, and had a little too much to drink staggered up to the table.

“Hey there,” he said, looking the White Rabbit over. “I wouldn’t mind going down your ’rabbit hole’, baby.”

BLAM!

It had happened so fast; there seemed to just suddenly be a dead body on the floor the moment he finished speaking and some blood spatter on her cheek. Max was quick with a handkerchief to gently dab it away which was when she looked to the side and saw a gun in Min’s hand and an expression so furious that it almost made her freeze in terror.

Min’s face softened the moment he noticed the White Rabbit looking at him. “Are you OK, Miss White?” he asked as he returned his revolver to its holder inside of his suit. “Did that hurt your ears?”

The White Rabbit shook her head, then smirking. “Thank you for taking care of that.” The lengths these two were willing to go for her were quite thrilling.

Everyone in the hangout had been staring at them, quickly averting their eyes when the trio looked over to see what the reactions of the other patrons were. It had gone quiet as a tomb.

Being accustomed to murder, the atmosphere lightened again as the body was quietly disposed of in a dumpster out back by the staff. No one dared venture near them for the rest of the night, even those that they considered to be friends.

So yes… Caroline supposed that everyone would be watching their Ps and Qs in her presence from now on. Min and Max had made it clear that no one got away with disrespecting their Rabbit.

“I know!” Max was certain he‘d come up with the perfect solution. “After the movie we’ll come back, turn on the radio, and we’ll practice a little here so you won’t be as nervous!”

How could she argue with that? These two always seemed to be able to talk her into anything, and they did tend to be right about her enjoying afterwards even if she was apprehensive. She agreed, unable to stop a thin smile when this made the twins even happier.

The twins had never been to the movies with Caroline before. They insisted she sit in-between them, as per usual, putting her in charge of holding the bag of popcorn as well. They got seats with a great view, Caroline happy no one too tall decided to sit right in front of her. That could be an issue sometimes.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers was playing. Until Caroline indulged in a monster movie Marathon on Halloween, the twins had no idea she got into flicks like this. Now here she was with them, trying to glance at her watch and not spill the extra large bucket of popcorn the boys had bought. It really looked almost humorously large in her petite lap.

“Six minutes left, Miss White,” Min informed her, happy to take a look and beam at his gift again.

“Thank you,” Caroline replied. “That watch suits you so well… I’m so happy I caught you eyeing it!”

The film finally started, Caroline seeming as giddy as a child as she was transfixed on the screen, grabbing a handful of popcorn. They’d each gotten soft drinks of their own, but Caroline suddenly found hers empty during a moment of the film she absolutely didn’t want to miss. Apparently she should have gotten a medium instead since they loaded the cups up with so much ice.

“Max,” she whispered to him quietly, a tickle in her throat. “May I please have a sip of your soda?” she asked when he looked down at her.

“S-sure…” he stammered, picking it up and holding it close to her so she could lean in.

Caroline took a dainty sip. “Thank you.”

Max looked over and saw that Min had noticed, seemingly burning with jealousy that he hadn’t been asked. The next time Max took a drink he couldn’t help blushing a little at thinking about how Caroline’s lips had been on the same straw. He felt so pathetic and juvenile for getting worked up over such a small thing but knew this was the closest he’d ever get to a kiss with her.

“What did you think, Miss White?” Max asked once the credits started rolling.

“Not bad at all!” Caroline answered. “Kinda seems like something Poison Ivy would do, actually… I always think of her now with anything even somewhat related to plants.”

The twins agreed, suddenly making the movie seem even more chilling. While none of them were believers in aliens, there were plenty of strange life forms there in Gotham City capable of doing some very peculiar deeds.

They took their leave, Caroline not forgetting what she agreed to when they got home. Still… Even with just the three of them she felt self-conscious and silly the moment they moved into the living room and Max switched on the radio.

“You don’t have to do anything fancy,” Max assured when he noticed her shoulders were slumped, ears were drooped, and she looked less than enthused about this.

“Watch us!” Min said, getting her attention.

These men were naturals and loved to ham it up and perform for a crowd. It was a little difficult for them to dial it back to do simpler movements so as not to scare away Caroline. They’d gotten her this far, so it would be a shame to lose her now.

Sure they were identical twins but still Caroline marveled at their symmetry sometimes. The two danced in perfect sync with one another; it was just as perfect as when they performed onstage. They were so cute and fun to watch that Caroline forgot for a moment she was supposed to be learning, not being a spectator.

They kept an eye on her as their hips and arms swayed to the beat, noticing she was looking them over carefully. Then it happened; Caroline made a small movement before she thought better of it, blushed, and sighed.

The twins felt bad for her. Barely in her twenties and the poor girl had no idea how to dance and cut loose. She was so concerned about what other people might think about her in public if she dared to show she was having fun. She’d come so far and Min and Max knew, with just another little push, she’d really have a great time.

“Miss White, if you don’t try you’ll never get it,” Min urged.

“I know…” Caroline grumbled.

It was just basically swaying back and forth; what was the big deal? Unable to suppress feeling incredibly awkward Caroline went for it anyway, the twins giving her encouraging smiles.

Her lack of confidence made Caroline seem clumsy and like she had no sense of rhythm. They’d need to get her past that. The twins offered kindly suggestions that Caroline took to heart as she mimicked them, at last moving in time to beat and really dancing with them.

The twins couldn’t help noticing how enticing her hips looked at they swayed, both of them wishing they could place a hand on it. When the song was nearing its end Max surprised both his brother and boss when he suddenly grabbed Caroline’s hand, gently pulling her forward before he dipped her.

Caroline giggled, blushing a little at the tender expression Max was looking down at her with. “OK, fine, this is pretty fun,” she admitted as he righted her.

Neither of them noticed that Min was getting increasingly more irritated with how Max seemed to be earning more favor with Caroline today. His eyes were narrowed as he watched what he perceived to be a bit of flirting between the two of them, his twin even daring to put his hands on Caroline again as he tried to get her to dance with him a little more.

“I’ll wait until we’re at the hangout,” Caroline said. “I have a feeling you two are really going to wear me out.” She glanced over at Min, he hoping he put on a friendlier in face in time. “Oh…” she walked towards him, Min on pins and needles at once. Instead of questioning him for what he was glaring at, Caroline stood on her tiptoes and adjusted Min’s bow tie for him. “There we go!” she said with a smile.

“Thank you…” Min replied. He hadn’t realized it had become slightly skewed.

That evening, after a quick change into her White Rabbit outfit, the trio were off to the henchmen hangout. They were greeted by their fellow regulars shortly after walking through the door.

“Don’t you want to tell anyone it’s your birthdays?” the White Rabbit asked quietly. “I’m sure they’d want to do something special for you.”

The twins shook their heads. They wondered if she was maybe asking as a last ditch effort to avoid dancing with them, hoping they’d get distracted by the small crowd who’d want to celebrate with them. She could be tricky like that.

It came as a surprise when the trio didn’t take their usual table; the waitress was even about to get their usual drinks for them before she noticed they’d taken to the dance floor instead. The twins used to be frequent sights out there but had suddenly stopped once they started henching for the White Rabbit.

She’d loosened up a lot since that first night when she tried to hide in a corner table with the twins and really didn’t want to talk to anyone. Now the White Rabbit had a much friendlier demeanor knowing she’d been accepted and would at least be treated as an equal by the regulars.

She’d clap and cheer for Min and Max when they sang, but no one ever expected the White Rabbit to actually get out in the open and dance with the twins.

“Everyone’s staring at me…” the White Rabbit commented softly to Min and Max.

“They’re surprised is all,” Min brushed off. “They won’t pay any attention to us in a few minutes.”

“Just look at us, Miss White,” Max replied. “Pretend they’re not even there.”

“You’ll shoot anyone who says anything, right?” the White Rabbit asked, only half joking.

“Right!” the twins answered with a smirk.

With such sensitive ears it was hard to block out what was going on around them. The White Rabbit tried to focus her hearing on the music and sight on the twins, just as Max suggested. She started off a little clunky at first but managed to pull herself together and wasn’t half bad.

The twins were grateful to see her trying so hard and thought she looked even better dancing in the outfit that matched theirs. That had been another surprised she revealed a few months back that had them gushing all over her.

When they finally got a smile out of her the twins were elated to see she was having fun. No one did say a single putdown, instead asking if they could cut in and dance with the White Rabbit themselves. They were turned down by all three of them.

Min and Max wondered if they’d have to try even harder to emphasize that the White Rabbit was theirs and theirs alone. At the moment she was likely too self conscious to dance with anyone but them, but one she felt comfortable enough, they worried if she’d take anyone else up on the offer…

The White Rabbit had plenty of stamina. With her reliance on her legs to get her by during her criminal activities, she exercised them daily. Min and Max were the ones to suggest they sit down and take a breather while she could have kept going.

“That wasn’t so bad, huh?” Max asked.

The White Rabbit shook her head. “I’d… Be willing to do it again.”

“We’re holding you to that!” Min replied.

The trio continued to secretly celebrate the twins’ birthdays until late into the night before finally returning home.

“Many more birthdays, boys.” The White Rabbit reached up, the twins leaning down so she could put an arm around each of their necks while they placed a hand gently on her back. They wished they could have had individual hugs, but didn’t want to push it.

“We’d like that too if we can spend them all with you,” Max answered as she let them go, then taking her hand and kissing the back of it.

The White Rabbit went scarlet; Min was even certain her ears were affected. “O-of course…” She was obviously flustered, not sure what to say now. “W-well… Goodnight!”

“Goodnight, Miss White,” the twins replied, Max hoping that he didn’t upset her.

“I wish this day didn’t have to end,” Max said as he and Min got into their beds. “We’ve never had such a good birthday!”

“Yeah,” Min agreed, he was still shocked too. “Miss White has always been kind to us but I didn’t think she’d go this far!” He pulled his covers up and laid back. “We’ve really got it good here.” It was everything they’d ever wanted and more. They were at the point where they enjoyed living “normally” just as much as their shadier activities.

“That bullet was worth it,” Max said as he settled in as well. “Two Face would never do anything like this for us.”

“He wouldn’t be able to get that dress in his size,” Min joked, getting a snort from Max.

“She looked AMAZING in it. I almost couldn’t look at her…” Max shut his eyes for a moment, still able to picture Caroline in it perfectly. Hopefully this meant she’d be open to wearing it more frequently.

“She pampered us so much it felt like she was our girlfriend.”

“More like our wife! I never dated a gal who treated me like that! It makes me wish…” Max trailed off sadly.

Min sat back up and turned so he was facing his brother. “Max… I think we need to make a promise right now.”

“A promise?” Max questioned as he did the same.

“You have it bad for Miss White, don’t you?”

“Yeah…” Max admitted.

“I do too. We’ve never had a crush on the same girl before and I don’t want us to wind up fighting over it. I think we should promise that neither of us will make a move on Miss White; it will be up to her if she decides she wants to be with one of us.”

Max agreed. “But we’ll keep anyone else away from her too.”

“Oh, if it’s not one of us no one’s going have her,” Min replied darkly. “We’ll make sure of that.” They were still vigilant about trying to keep Jervis Tetch away from her. Caroline certainly didn’t need a friend who could start controlling her in an instant with a simple microchip.

The brothers shook on their promise. It was a relief knowing that neither of them would be trying anything behind the other’s back.

“We’ll really have to do something special for her birthday…” Max felt they had to repay the favor for how hard she tried for them today. “How about a trip? Nothing but first class, five star hotels, restaurants, and limo rides. We’ll have everyone thinking she’s royalty.”

Min thought it was a great idea. “We’ll have to start saving. Nothing but the best for Miss White!”

[steamishot]

End of July

i think i’ll be starting my period sometime in the next 24 hours. my friend who i am synced with just started hers this morning. tomorrow, i am using a sick day to go to to dentist. my dentist is in san gabriel- a 20 minute drive east of my home. in the past, i would only take a half day, but then i thought, why am i stressing and rushing myself to go to work when i have all these sick hours. even more so when there’s not much pending at work. so, i plan on going to the dentist in the morning, having lunch in the area, then coming home and painting my living room and kitchen. my dad asked one of his home depot contacts to come work for us lol. i’ll be taping and painting along with him tomorrow so the job gets done faster. just came back from home depot earlier and bought two gallons of shiny luster paint- the same shade and sheen as my room. i also bought a darker grey to paint the borders for contrast. hopefully it looks good. a few weeks ago, our gallon full of coins got topped off. my mom would sit and individually package the coins into the sleeves banks provide whenever we wanted to exchange the coins for cash- this would take her nearly half a day. not sure why we never used coinstar before, but we finally did it. i learned that its an 11% fee if you exchange the coins for cash, but there is no fee when you exchange for a gift card. so, with one gallon full of coins, we got about $350 total- i put about half on a home depot gift card, and half on an amazon gift card. it was funny/so coincidental today that our total came out to be exactly 2 dollars less of our home depot gift card (my dad also had things to buy and we weren’t computing the costs).

events this past weekend: friend’s going away party. she received a scholarship from fullbright- which is a prestigious academic award to represent the US in international affairs. i didn’t realize how honorable it was til today and previously saw it as another “teach english abroad” opportunity. we ate at roe seafood in long beach. i thought the food was pretty bomb- i’d give it a 7/10. however, the more i ate of my scallop porcini pasta- the more water i had to drink. taste wise it was definitely there, but the cheese/carb combo was so damn heavy. i liked the group and it felt easy/natural to socialize (also because i was sitting in between my good friends b and s). in my last blog, i was venting about b, but i realize in the grand scheme of things- the little things i get annoyed by don’t matter. she continued to do the things i got ticked off by over text, but instead of getting irritated, i tried to teach myself to be loving and forgiving and think- she’s not me, i’m not her, don’t think that what i think is the “right” way of doing things is actually right. we had a nice time together that night. good vibes throughout. 

watched lion king with my mom, grandma, bro and wife. i went into the movie having low expectations due to what everyone else was saying, but i enjoyed it. the fact that we got to live through seeing the cartoon version in 1994 to seeing it full in CGI in 2019 is incredible. i love the storyline of lion king. the scene where mufasa dies always gets me. i had to hold back tears during the emotional parts of the movie lol. 

matt’s free time is decreasing and decreasing. he now has to work 6 days a week. he’s at work before i wake up, and still at work after i’m off work. on a GOOD day, he’ll only be at the hospital for about 13 hours, on a bad day, maybe 16 :(. he also has to study outside of work as they have monthly exams. saturday was his one day off during the week and it was kinda sad lol. he has one day to catch up on sleep and he’s too tired to do anything else. he tells me that he doesn’t have time to drink water at work, let alone use the restroom. his lunch consists of downing a soylent. his hospital is severely understaffed and he is doing nurses’ duties (drawing blood, patient care taking). he normally calls me right after he gets off work. i get to talk to him for about an hour or so, while he’s prepping dinner and eating. he then goes shower and gets ready to sleep and i get to see him again for a few minutes before he sleeps. i feel lucky that i’m the one he wants to talk to and see every day. i hope i brighten up his day, as he keeps saying he’s “dying” lol. when he didn’t match into a residency program, he was depressed. now that he’s in residency, it’s also depressing (but at least there is an end in sight). apparently the second and third year residents are super jaded and negative. i wouldn’t be surprised if he became like that in a year lol. on saturday, he called me right before i was going to shower. so i told him that i’ll call him back afterwards. as i got out of the shower, i saw a message from him saying - take your time, i’m gonna go shower too. so i took my time and started getting ready for the going away dinner. he called me 10-15 later and was like “you didn’t call me back!” there was something so satisfying about him being needy and clingy LOL. he’s naturally an independent cerebral person so i love it when he is needy. 

saturday night at like 1am, i got a random text from L asking me about relationship stuff. coincidentally, i couldn’t sleep cus your girl would have been dead asleep by 11 any other day. i’m happy that she felt comfortable enough to reach out to me and share her feelings. i learned that we both are perfectionistic, have unrealistically high expectations, and are quite sensitive. she cares a lot about how others/her friends perceive her relationship. she shared with me an instance where her bf came off a bit rude to her in front of her friends and she felt “very disappointed” in him. if i place myself in her shoes, i can understand why she felt hurt. and if its an reoccurring thing, then i’m sure the pain is stronger. however, being “very disappointed” in your partner for being human is stressful for both you and them because you set unrealistic standards for the relationship. she wasn’t able to let it go and gave the incident more attention than it needed. from hearing her story, i basically saw my problems in someone else. it makes me realize how silly and crazy i am sometimes in making mountains out of molehills. i used to think that it was good to have high standards for your partner, and i often felt disappointed by my last partner. i think it reflected more on myself than him- my needs weren’t being met, i wasn’t happy in the relationship, i stayed with an incompatible partner, etc. having “high” standards is only valuable if the standards are attainable and something that can be worked towards. 

i feel very happy with my current partner. being away from him for almost two months now has allowed me time to reflect on us and myself. i’m way more forgiving with the distance, and considerate about his new schedule and circumstance. in my last relationship, i started seeing the flaws around 8/9 month mark. and if i was smart and experienced enough, i would have realized those were dealbreakers (because in the end, i broke up with him for the same reasons). coming up on 9 months with matt, i feel secure and that our issues are small issues. we’re able to get along and have similar values and ideals. 

his words can sometimes come off harsh but i’ve gotten used to it and actually really appreciate him being honest and constructive with me. a week or so before he left, i was hanging out in his room. i forgot what we were talking about before but he said, “you would be much much prettier if you worked out. not that you don’t look good now, but you would look better if you worked out.” i was a little bothered by that at first, but realized he is 100% correct. i never paid attention to my body much before- but skinny fat is not a good look or feel. my bikini pics in hawaii were meh lol i was flabby, weak and out of shape. i started working out recently with dumbbells and find it so fun- more efficient work out than without any equipment. working out also helps my face maintain its shape. i realized in the past months my face started looking more bloated and fat. i’ve even received comments from two of my older friends - “you got fatter. but just in your face.” i was never mindful of how my diet and exercise routine affected how i looked. which is really dumb as a human lol. i kinda wish i was more athletic when i was younger because i’m almost just starting from scratch now. however, i am grateful that i was at least somewhat active (hiking here and there, walking, leisurely workouts) in the last few years. so, he helped me gain weight to be at a normal range (this is the heaviest i’ve been my whole life). now it’s my job to tone myself. i’ve been saying this for some time, but i’m getting more cognizant about fitness which will help the consistency. 

throughout our time together, he’s only lost his patience/raised his voice a little twice during arguments. the last time he did actually helped so much in putting me in my place. he is very smart and makes pretty good arguments sometimes haha. the last time, it made me realize that it’s better to nourish my relationship rather than bring drama into it. since then, i’ve thought twice about bringing up small issues that i can learn to let go. i love that he pushes and inspires me to be better and to be hardworking. and i’m glad i’m pretty receptive to his ideas. 

i read old conversations with my past partner today. it was super cringy. i come off as cold, inquisitive, and serious and he comes off as immature, emotional and uninterested in my thoughts. even reading through our messages now i felt the frustration i felt when i was talking to him then. i felt i was always trying to change him into the person i wanted him to become. i saw the potential but i didnt see the person he was. to me, he was gross, trashy and had many insecurities. the more separated i am from it, the more i am disgusted with myself for choosing that lol. however, i am grateful for what he taught me, which was what attracted me to him in the first place- how to be intimate emotionally and physically, how to talk about feelings, how to communicate, how to talk about more difficult subjects, how to bring up issues, how to understand what i’m feeling, etc. 

[youranxiouslyconfidentstude-blog]

Study Habits

“Perfect practice makes perfect” -Vince Lombardi. Forming good habits when it comes to studying leads to success. When I was in high school, I learned early on that I needed to create some kind of study habits when it came to school. And let me tell you, not all of these habits will transfer on when you go onto higher education (college/university).

So today, I thought I’d let you in on some tips, tricks, and habits I’ve learned during my freshman year of college.

Create a study schedule/plan

I found that having a game plan was the best way for me to be successful when studying. I always wrote down what I wanted to accomplish and when I wanted to get it done by in my planner or on a calendar. Also, I would make the time during the week to go to the library and get things done, whether it be homework or studying. This helped me stay on pace with things and not be scrambling until the end.

Find studying methods that work for you

If you find it easier to type your notes vs. writing them in a lecture, go right ahead. If you think graph paper is neater for you versus computer paper, use graph. If you like pens over pencils, then I would have more pens. College is a lot of trial and error, and that includes note taking and studying. Personally, if I’m in a lecture and the teach allows it, I will type my notes and rewrite them at a later time. I use graph paper if there are a lot of numbers involved, lined for writing traditional book notes, and never use computer paper. And pencil for math/number work and pen for taking notes or writing essays.

Use the library

On my campus, the library is maybe a three-to-five minute walk from most of the dorms and Greek houses. It has its own silent floor, private study rooms, whiteboards with markers, and a coffee shop inside. I found the library really intimidating as a freshman, especially because I never really went to the library as a high school student. However, I found out quickly that if I tried studying in my dorm room at my desk, I would just decide to watch something on Netflix or online shop. But, when I would go to the library, I made sure to find a place where I could spread out and focus on what I needed to get done. If you have to study in your room, make sure that you have minimal distractions and a good study plan set to help you be successful.

Surround yourself with ‘smart’ friends

When I say ‘smart’, I mean motivated and hard-working friends. Quickly, I found out which kind of people I would want to sit with at the library and who I absolutely could not sit with. You have the kind of people who go to the library to socialize, are very distracting, don’t have any assignments due soon, or are not helpful at all. You also have those people who come to sit with a few people, focus on their work, tend to have a medium to heavy load regularly (or at least the same amount you have), and can help you out if you ask. Personally, the people I tend to gravitate to at the library are not even the same major as I am (I am a business major and I usually sit with engineers or nursing majors at the library). They are all a huge help when it comes to math assignments while they usually ask me to re-read their english assignments.

I’m not saying to pick your friends based on certain qualities, I’m saying to surround yourself with people who will help you to succeed in school, especially when it comes to your schoolwork.

Dress appropriately

If you know you don’t study well if you’re ‘dolled up’, then I would suggest to change into something you’re comfortable in. Daily, I wear comfortable athletic bottoms with a sweatshirt or breathable top with gym shoes or sandals. I also make sure I have hair ties on me if my hair is down for the day because sometimes just having your hair away from your face is all you need. If I’m a little more dressed up, I don’t seem to get as much done versus when I’m comfortable. Yet, you just need to see what feels right to you through trial and error.

Pack your bag/backpack for success

When I go to the library to get anything done, I don’t want to leave until I am done for a good amount of time. For me, this requires that I bring more than just my school supplies. Things I pack for a successful time at the library are:

Backpack- personally, I do not carry a large bag around campus, I use a backpack. Most people at my school do use a backpack. I didn’t get a new backpack for college, I just use the one that I used during high school and it works just fine. Few people on my campus bought new bag for college, and some used the same backpack that they’ve used before. If you need a new bag, I would recommend something that can hold three subjects worth of supplies, your laptop, and a little room to spare. I would also make sure that your bag is comfortable to carry around all day.

School supplies- This is kind of a no brainer if you’re going to the library. But, I make sure to bring any subjects with assignments that I need to finish, loose leaf paper, appropriate folders, and writing utensils. If you’re doing something that requires a calculator, bring that too. And if you’re the type to make note cards to help you study, don’t forget those.

Planner- The library is the main place where I do my homework, so bringing my planner makes sense. Truth be told, I rarely take my planner out of my backpack and leave it anywhere. When I get to the library and make myself comfortable, the first thing I do is open my planner and make sure that I brought everything I need and prioritize what I need to do. It’s also a good idea to just have a planner with you at all times because you may need to make plan changes at a moment’s notice or look further ahead on the spur of the moment to make arrangements. I highly, highly, HIGHLY, suggest using some sort of planning mechanism and bringing it with you at all times.

Stapler-I was actually surprised that my library has a free stapler to use next to the printer, but I find it much better to have your own stapler on hand. I don’t have to leave my stuff to go staple papers if I need to, I have it in class, and I think it’s a good place to store the stapler so I never lose it or have to ask for one to use.

Laptop- Second semester my freshman year, I had most of my books online. So I needed my laptop for assignments and note taking. I also needed it to type any notes or assignments up. Even if I knew I wasn’t going to need it, it was good to have just to check my email (something you do more frequent than you do in high school) or my grades. If you don’t have a laptop going into school, no worries. Most libraries on campuses around America have public computers that you can use to do your assignments. In your case, however, I would make sure to invest in a USB drive (or use google docs) in order to keep everything in one place.

Snacks- Like I said, I don’t want to leave the library until I am done with what I want to get done. And a snack break is a good type of break to take if you need one. I’m not saying to bring a healthy snack with you, but I would recommend to bring something that doesn’t make a large mess or many crumbs. I go for granola bars, carrots, popcorn, or anything that is individually packed.

Water- Just like snacks, I don’t want to leave unless I have to before I’m done. And I really don’t know anyone who doesn’t bring a drink with them everywhere around campus. I just find that a reusable water bottle is what works for me, and If I need a caffeine boost, I’ll buy a coffee or tea at the coffee shop in the library (another good break to take).

Chargers-Since I bring my laptop to the library, and I’ve always got my phone on me, I need them charged and working. At my school, there are outlets everywhere to use for your electronics, so I never worry about my phone or laptop going dead when I need them.

Earbuds- When I go to the library, I need something playing in the background. So earbuds or headphones are a must for me. They also are great if they have the mic so if you get a call while studying, the conversation is a little more private (in my opinion anyways).

Umbrella- This is just something I always keeps in my backpack, but becomes even more important with a long-ish walk and expensive electronics or precious schoolwork involved. A tiny umbrella to fit in the side pocket or in a small compartment of your bag will save your life, I promise you.

Cardigan/Sweater/Sweatshirt- I don’t normally dress to the nines when I go to class, and a sweatshirt is usually part of my outfit. I also learned quickly that most buildings on campus are super cold anyways, so bringing around a cardigan/sweater/sweatshirt is not uncommon. Just something you’re okay carrying around or squeezing into your bag that goes with what you’re wearing that day.

Medication- You do not want to be in the zone while at the library just to remember it’s time to take your medication. I keep anything that I need to take on my person and in a little pouch in my bag. So, even if I’m in the zone or in the middle of something, I’ve got my medication with me.

Glasses- I wear contacts 7/7 days of the weeks, but if it’s going to be a late night at the library, I will either wear or bring my glasses to save my eyes. Trust me, you’ll thank yourself when your eyes don’t burn at 11:30 PM the night before the big exam.

Do your homework

In college/university, not all of your homework that professors assign are actually due to be turned in for credit. However, the reason it’s assigned in the first place is for practice on the material. While I might not do them when they are assigned, I make sure to do them before the exam at the very least. Trust me, these homework problems might be the only study material you get for the final.

Find good background noise

Like I said before, I have to be listening to something while I work. It might be a music playlist, rain noise, or videos on YouTube. There are tons of things recommended for studying that if you have to listen to something, it should be classical or in a different language. But for me, I just find music that motivates me or videos that I don’t really need to watch anymore. If nothing like that works, I just listen to rain sounds while I do my work.

Form study groups

I don’t use study groups for every subject. But, I have found the benefits of using them. Not only do you have people to help you with assignments or studying, but you have a chance to teach it to people who will understand the subject. Making study groups can also be a little tricky. You need to make sure the people in the group are helpful and not just using you to get assignments done. It could be hard to cut people from a study group, but you need to do things that help you. For me, I used a study group in a class where using the whiteboards was beneficial and I could easily teach my peers the topic while also learning from them. Yet, every subject does not require a study group. A lot of the time, I would study with myself and just ask for help or advice when I needed it. You need to find out what works well for you.

Take breaks

Even if it’s just to fill up your water bottle, get a snack from the coffee shop, or walk to another floor to use the bathroom, I highly suggest that you take some type of break while at the library. If I plan on spending most of my day at the library, I will dedicate time to go to the gym and take a shower before returning back.

What I would not recommend is to browse around on any apps or shop. If you do this, you can become sucked in and become distracted from your hard work. But, te exceptions to this include calling home or checking your email.

~Playlists for Studying~

Here’s just some playlists that I have gone through/ go through when I am studying. Of course you need to decide what types of music best help you study, but I tend to listen to a variety of things depending on what I’m studying, how hard I need to focus, and so on.

More Upbeat Classical/Instrumental Music Old School Jams Late 2000’s (a lot of TSwift) Instrumental Covers

#college freshmen advice #college #university #library #study #studying #tips #advice #opinion #playlist #school

[readerrayna]

Well, I went to my first anime convention in almost ten years. I went to Anime Boston back in 2008, I believe, and I haven’t been to convention since, but I went with my husband this year and let me tell you: it was a blast.

I didn’t really know what to expecting since it’s been about ten years since I’d been to Anime Boston and it was very different this time around, but in a good way.

Anime Boston took place from March 31-April 2 and we went on Friday and Sunday (but I wish we had stayed the whole weekend, which we’re going to do next time). There were SO many people there, but it was such a good time.

So my husband and I did, in fact, cosplay. I wanted to do a different cosplay on Sunday, but let’s be real: ain’t nobody got time for that. We did a couple’s cosplay as Naruto and Hinata from Naruto Shippuden.

We actually had a decent amount of people come up asking to take our picture together and to also let us know that we were bringing their OTP dreams to life. xD It was so fun. One person even asked if we were a couple and I told her we were married and she was like, “OH MY GOD, IT CAME TRUE IN REAL LIFE!” I couldn’t help but laugh!

There were also so many awesome cosplays that we saw while we were there! I was so happy to be in a place with people of a like mind to me because let me tell you: the looks we got on the train? Yup, we were the “weirdos,” but it’s fine because we did see other cosplayers on the train and one even waved to me (she also smiled at me on the train home, which made me feel all kinds of happy).

When you go to an event like this, you really feel among comrades. You’re among thousands of people (seriously) who love anime just as much as you do (if not more) and who love Japanese culture and who love to cosplay and dress as characters and who are just having a great time with one another.

Here’s some of the cosplays we saw (in slideshow form!):

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Every one of them was so cool, although I’m sad because my phone decided to eat one of the photos I took of a cosplayer dressed as the Corpse Bride. Sad panda.

Of course there were way more cosplayers than just the ones I took, but I managed to scrounge up the courage to ask for pictures and everyone was so nice about it.

So let’s talk about the event itself: my husband and I went with one of his friends on Friday, but he just sat for over four hours waiting for the Dealer’s Room to open, so for that time my husband and I walked around taking in all of the sights – I even showed him the windows I remembered from when I was there all those years ago, hahaha! So for a few hours we just wandered and got some pictures taken before Artists’ Alley opened at 10AM.

Oh. My. God. I was in heaven when I went in there.

Like, seriously, that was a dangerous place to be in…. for my wallet. I bought SO many pictures, but in my defense, a lot of the artists were having sales of buy two get the third print free, sooooo… yeah… That happened.

I bought probably over 25 pieces of individual art. I have no self control. But it’s fine, I know for next time to bring all the money just for Artists’ Alley (and to control myself LOLOLOL like that’ll happen). My favorite piece I bought was a Tokyo Ghoul piece made by baimon and I just… *melt*

And then, when the Dealers’ Room was about to open, 15 minutes before I got to go in early because I’m a Crunchyroll Premium Member and I had the card for my badge, so that was exciting because once the crowd went in there? OMG I COULDN’T BREATHE. SO many people were in there! Ugh.

But I got a few things from there, including the 12th signature volume of Tokyo Ghoul which isn’t being released until April 18th, so YOU KNOW I JUMPED ON IT AS SOON AS I SAW IT. And when I asked if I could buy it, the guy was like, “No.” very seriously, but then my face fell and he laughed and said, “Of course.” I was like, “why would you do that to me!? ;-;” So I bought it and was very happy.

Here’s what I got:

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I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t get at least one plushie. Let’s be honest, here. Also, it was a very Tokyo Ghoul weekend for me… I got four pictures of Ken Kaneki… FOUR. I’m slightly obsessed, it’s fine…. plus a keychain (also Touka) and a plush… It’s fine.

But overall, the experience was phenomenal. My husband had a great time, too, and definitely wants to go again next year. He said he wants to do a much more complicated cosplay next time, and I’m just like, “Okay, but you’re gonna make me do all the work…” Whatever, I’m excited and can’t wait to pick my next character to cosplay.

If you’ve never been to convention like Anime Boston, Comic Con, Katsucon, whatever, I highly suggest going. It’s so much fun and I definitely think you’ll enjoy yourself. We didn’t get to any panels that I wanted to go to, but next year I’m going to do my best to try and go to a few.

Let Chat! ^w^

Have you ever been to Anime Boston or any other convention? What was your favorite part? Have you ever cosplayed? Who did you cosplay and do you have any photos you’re willing to share? What’s one piece of advice you’d give to someone going to their first con? Tell me all the things!

Anime Boston 2017 Well, I went to my first anime convention in almost ten years. I went to Anime Boston…

#2017 #anime #anime boston #boston #cosplay #cosplayer #costumes #Event #fun

[topicprinter]

Hey guys!Sorry for the delayed update, it has been a CRAZY couple of months (as I’m sure you’re all aware). A lot has happened since my last update and I’ll try to get into a bit of everything – sorry for the long post.A really really really brief recap of the past twelve partsI started in December of 2018 with $1,165 with the goal of making $10,000 in one year. In 2019, I had bought and sold over $40k in baseball, football and various sports trading cards. I had a few great successes ($1,165 into $3,085 before fees - $2,771.20 into $6,200.10 before fees - $1,086.68 into $3,190.54 before fees) and a few duds. I generally sell my cards on ebay, but utilize auction houses every now and then. The biggest bottleneck I face is submitting cards to PSA (a third party grading company), a card might have a 2-4 month turnaround time. To successfully "flip" you need to balance some of these purchases with shorter flips. In 2019, I ended with a final profit of $9,262.28 – a tad bit short of my goal. In 2020, my goal is $20,000 (fitting). Using my margins from 2019, I would need to sell around $85k in cards.You can find the previous installment hereCOVID-19First, I hope everyone is safe and inside. I am fortunate enough to be working from home and busier than ever – I do mostly forecasting and budgeting for a company in Manhattan, so it has been very busy on my end trying to keep pace with everything that is changing.Vintage baseball cards seem largely unaffected by the crisis. The biggest disruption is the closure of PSA – a third party grading service. If you remember, I have a significant number of cards with PSA (146 as of today for this project) with an estimated value of around $6-10k that are now sitting stagnant in their warehouse. This is inventory that will significantly be delayed processing and will have a material impact on inventory turnover. I had written previously about the dangers of leaving inventory with PSA – it is a good thing that I have a diverse store and don’t leave all my eggs in that basket. Another impact COVID has had with this industry is the delay in the baseball season – this is having serious implications on the modern card market (new products are being delayed, rookies aren’t seeing price movements, etc.). Luckily, the vintage market doesn’t rely on the baseball season as much.As of today, I have had two cancelled orders with buyers directly referencing COVID – one was a person who claimed unforeseen costs (understandable) another was a Canadian individual who ships his cards to the NY border and drives across to pick them up (which he can’t now). I have ten unpaid orders sitting right now, which is higher than usual. I’d imagine some of this may also be COVID related.Some positive impacts – everyone is home! It looks like there are a lot of older collectors stuck at home working on their collections. I am still seeing fairly robust BIN activity and auctions have done well so far. Hopefully things go back to normal sooner than later.PurchasedIn February I had purchased a 1953 Topps Partial Set for $1,472.00. The timing is a little funky, the auction ended at the end of January, my last installment was on February 14th, but I am not including this until now? There were some invoicing issues and I hadn’t sent payment until mid-February, so I am including this now. I pulled out a few cards to send to PSA (which I need to wait until their office reopens), pulled a couple to sell myself and sent the rest of the cards to PWCC. There are seven days remaining in the PWCC auctions, and already past what I paid for these, so I should do well.At the end of February, I managed to win a couple nice lots from Huggins and Scott; the first was a near complete set of 1953 Dormand Postcards purchased for $685.00 after fees and the second was a small group of 1959 and 1960 Venezuela Topps cards for $216.00. Both of these are obscure issues, many of the Dormand postcards are rare with some neat variations (large autograph, small autograph, photo variations, etc). These postcards I immediately listed separately at a $.99 auction and turned a profit. There are two cards that I still have – an oversized Mickey Mantle postcard that is very difficult to find (which I would like to send to PSA) and an oversized Phil Rizzuto postcard that I need to still list. For the Venezuela Topps cards, if you’re unfamiliar, they were literally from Venezuela – some of the cards are written in Spanish, some feature non-MLB Hispanic players, etc. Naturally, these are much rarer than the USA counterparts and, because of that, more valuable. I already sent several to PSA, but sold the rest for $58.66..I purchased a group of 1970 Topps Super Proof cards for $405.41 after fees. I love these sorts of lots. These proof cards are too obscure for anyone to try to collect the set, but collectors who collect players need them for their collection. Player collectors are a different breed of animal, they will hunt down every Roberto Clemente card, Mickey Mantle card or whoever their favorite player is. They have no interest in this group of cards together, but separately they are willing to pay retail. I listed every card on ebay and sold three for $360.00 – so I’ll do well on these for very little work.Finally, I bought this near complete 1959 Topps set for $1,557.30 after fees. These cards are freaking beautiful. The set is missing the three most valuable cards and the star cards appear to be in worse condition, so it went for a relative steal. The “common cards” (players that you’ve never heard of) are in a solid Near Mint condition though. I already pulled about 150 cards to send to PSA, and plan to give the rest to PWCC to sell as a group. Buying high grade sets and breaking them up is a legitimate source of income for many dealers. There are several different approaches to it, the first would be buying the set and selling each card individually ungraded – this would be the approach of Greg Morris Cards, this is incredibly time intensive, and not possible for me at this time. Another approach would be to take out the cards worth grading and sell the rest in bulk (my approach), it leaves money on the table, but takes minutes rather than hours. Another approach would be to pull the high grade cards and replace them with low grade cards to sell the set – I have never had luck with this.What SoldOkay, too much is selling for me to talk about everything, so I updated the GOOGLE DOC to include everything that I currently have in inventory, the status of every item and the sold price (if sold). Take a look, I’ll update it for each installment and can discuss an item you see. For now, I’ll stick to highlights.With the sale of the 1970 Topps Super Hank Aaron card for $76.00 I officially have sold all of the Hank Aaron cards from that Heritage Auctions lot! The final tally was $2,285.98 profit after fees. Not too shabby. What’s notable about this sale was that it was made through the eBay watcher best offer feature. I was able to send an unsolicited offer to an eBay watcher, and he accepted! I have had mixed results with this feature, but overall I’ve seen 2-3 sales every time I send them out (one every two weeks).The two 1979 Topps Cello packs came back from PSA, the Pete Rose pack graded a PSA 8 and the Mike Schmidt pack graded a PSA 7 – I sold them for $250.00 and $130.00 respectively. I have had a couple Redditors ask about how accurate my inventory valuation estimates are, and I have always told them that I try to be as conservative as possible, in this case, I ended 2019 with an estimate of $250.00 on my books for these packs, they ended up going for $323.00 after fees. For the Hank Aaron cards I had $150.00 on my books, but ended up selling them for $660.70 after fees. I try to be very conservative with these estimates. It’s an estimate. I hate losing money because I “thought” something was worth more than it actually is. I also don’t want readers to think that I am inflating inventory value to make results look better, I try to manage expectations and value items with a buffer in case an auction doesn’t go well.Along that same thread, I sold most of the multi-sport cards from Goldin Auctions that I sent to PSA. The highlight was the 1980 Larry Bird/Magic Johnson rookie card that sold for $501.00. This card is iconic. I was very happy to see it graded a PSA 7 (I was worried with the printer marks on the front). In total, these cards sold for $1,075.68 after fees and I still have the Tiger Woods SI Kids rookie card.Wrapper sales keep coming in. If you remember, I had been buying up hundreds of wax pack wrappers and listing them as BIN’s on eBay. I am probably averaging 2-3 per week – I sold this 1961 Topps Football wrapper for $100 in March. I’ll let these sit for a while longer and see if sales continue.The B14 blanket sales have been much slower – with only three sold in March. I think I might try to send a few to auction soon if it doesn’t pick up.PSA UpdateHere is a link to the Google Doc with the status of all of my PSA cards. The spreadsheet also includes a summary of where the project is.PSA has asked customers not to submit anything until further notice, so I am holding on a bunch of cards. Two orders did complete before the offices closed though – the remaining tobacco cards from that July 2019 Grey Flannel auction (see how long this takes). Unsurprisingly, two more cards came back trimmed. I’m a little pissed at Grey Flannel for selling altered cards, but I knew it was a possibility. The cards were fine. Nothing crazy to report (lines 10-18 on the Google Sheet). The two more expensive Mickey Mantle cards also finished and shipped – the 1953 Topps Mantle graded a PSA 1 and the 1953 Bowman Mantle graded a PSA 2. I was really hoping for a PSA 2 and PSA 3 respectively, but can’t complain, I should do well on this group.Below is an updated summary:The summary has changed since the last installment. Rather than include all of the 2019 sales, I removed everything that doesn’t relate to 2020 to make it easier to read and cleaner. For items purchased in 2019 (denoted with a “*”), the “cost” column represent the ending 2019 inventory valuation. For items purchased in 2020, the cost column is the cost. In the Google Sheet I included an in depth P&L with full results and 2019 details.ItemCost*SoldFeesInventory^Profit1936 Goudey Lot (8)*50.0030.00(4.50)20.00(4.50)Hank Aaron "Odd-Ball" Collection*150.00777.29(116.59)-510.70(16) Pre-WWII card lot w/ Cobb*1,300.00978.76(146.81)300.00(168.05)(23) Sandy Koufax 1950's and 1960's lot*250.0098.00(14.70)200.0033.301977-1979 Topps Baseball Rack & Cello Packs (6)*250.00380.00(57.00)-73.001957 Swift Meats Game Complete Set (18)*800.00--800.00-(36) 1950s-2000s Multi-Sports Collection*500.001,265.51(189.83)150.00725.681933-1989 Wax Pack Wrapper Hoard (650+)*400.001,023.99(153.60)300.00770.391941-2004 Multi-Sport Group (33)*800.00419.34(62.90)500.0056.441912 B18 Blanket Find (100)*1,270.80393.50(59.03)1,000.0063.681962-63 Parkhurst Hockey Lot (45+)*500.00287.26(43.09)400.00144.171953 to 1969 Mickey Mantle Group (16)*1,000.00--1,000.00-1956-1959 Baseball Star Collection (48)*1,130.00167.04(25.06)1,000.0011.981961-1969 Baseball Star Collection (61)*804.95257.78(38.67)600.0014.161948-1965 Yogi Berra Collection (26)*1,400.00399.50(59.93)1,050.00(10.43)Lot of (4) Signed Perez-Steele Postcards676.59--676.59-1950's-1980's Football Wrapper Lot (42)920.00887.00(133.05)500.00333.951953 Topps Partial Set (208)1,472.00--1,472.00-1953-55 Dormand Postcard Set (47/52)685.00795.83(119.37)300.00291.461959 & 1960 Venezuela Topps Lot (34)216.0058.66(8.80)200.0033.861959 Topps Baseball High Grade Set1,557.30--1,557.30-1970 Topps Super Proofs Lot (12)405.41360.00(54.00)200.00100.59$16,538.05$8,579.46($1,286.92)$12,225.89$2,980.38*-denotes inventory purchased in 2019 valued at 2019 y/e figures.^ -inventory on hand is valued at a conservative estimate of fair market value for remaining items.`-grading fees are expensed when the card is sent to PSA, fees are not paid until PSA has completed the order. Fees that are expensed, but not paid are sitting in Accounts Payable below.2020 Grading Fees`: $366.13Current On HandCash: $2,546.13InventorySee the Google sheetALSO! If anyone is interested in what the financials for this project would look like, see below. With 2019 officially in the book, I moved the final 2019 financial statement over for a year-over-year comparison:As of 4/6/20202020 YTD2019 FinalCash$2,546.13$1,680.15Accounts Receivable$-$-Inventory^12,225.89$10,605.75Accounts Payable`($1,730.47)($1,858.62)Retained Earnings($9,262.28)$-Initial Capital($1,165.00)($1,165.00)Revenue($8,579.46)($40,163.15)Cost of Goods Sold$4,312.16$22,582.96Fees (15% of Rev.)$1,286.92$5,956.97Grading Fees$366.12$2,360.93I look forward to continuing to update everyone on this. Hope you enjoy as much as I do.Jason

#/r/entrepreneur #reddit

[sailorrrvenus]

My Bad Experience with Drobo as a Wedding Photographer

I hate it when I see photographers writing articles like this. I always think, “why bother?… just let it go, this isn’t going to change anything.” But here I am anyway, tapping away to release some of this pent up anger. And I don’t expect this to change anything for me, but I sincerely hope it can stop at least one other person making the same mistake I did: buying a Drobo.

What really annoys me is that I actually read an article just like this, about 7 years ago, written by Scott Kelby. It was titled, “I’m done with Drobo.” And for the last 6 and a half years, I didn’t buy a Drobo – despite them looking pretty good on paper.

Having some sort of easy-to-access, long-term storage for the huge mass of files that full-time digital photographers create is a bit of a holy grail. I had been storing most of my archive on various individual hard drives but it was a bit cumbersome when I needed to dig out older files. I wanted something simple to use, reliable, and with a large storage capacity as a backup to my individual archived drives. So, in September last year, I finally succumbed and I bought a Drobo 5C.

I convinced myself it would be okay. All those earlier problems I’d read about were sure to have been ironed out by now, right? The newer drives were bound to be more reliable, right? And as a company, they were still going, so they can’t be that bad… right?

Wrong. So very wrong.

One of those summer weddings! They look happy don’t they. They’ve probably never used a Drobo.

Now, I’ll hold my hands up — I bought the Drobo at a really bad time. I’m a wedding photographer. It was September. That’s probably the busiest month of the year, at least in the UK. There’s still lots of weddings happening and you also have the backlog of the summer weddings still to edit and to be honest you barely have time to think, let alone set up a whole new storage system alongside your existing one. Pretty dumb of me.

So guess what? I didn’t set it up, I left it for a couple of months as I was so busy. By November time, things were quietening down a little and I ordered a couple of 6TB disks to go in the unit to start me off. I figured that by January it would be nice and quiet and I could have the system up and running for the next year.

The disks arrived, and at the end of November I excitedly started to follow the Drobo installation instructions. I did everything it told me to. I tried to insert the disks but one of them just wouldn’t go in happily. The little latch that keeps it in place just wouldn’t seem to click over the disk fully to secure it. But I’d never used one before and so I assumed that maybe some of them were a better fit than others. I persevered.

I tried to initialize the drive and it saw both of the disks I’d inserted, so I carried on. It seemed to be working, hurray! But then the disk that wouldn’t sit in the bay properly started going offline, and the Drobo would tell me there was an error, and it would take a day or two trying to rebuild. But during that time the disk would reappear again, throwing the Drobo into a state of confusion. After a frustrating few days, I gave up with it, deciding to come back to it once I’d finished my edits for the year, got my Christmas weddings out of the way, and done my 2018 “best of” post.

After all, shooting weddings, keeping active on the website and getting my work in front of potential clients was arguably more important than adding another drive to my back up situation. So, I shot some lovely weddings, Christmas came and went and then I put together my 2018 highlights post. I finally had some time free. I contacted Drobo support, as I was stuck for what to do — there seemed to be a hardware problem with the unit from new, so I assumed they’d replace it and I’d be on my merry way…

Yeah, no.

It took me two weeks of back and forth emails with their support for them to acknowledge the problem. Finally, they agreed for me to return the unit, despite the fact it had been faulty from the outset. They told me initially that I wasn’t eligible for an exchange, then they relented and informed me that the unit was covered by a standard warranty and that I should send it back to them for a replacement. Progress!

I’ve had faults with products before, it happens. I once had a memory card go bad and SanDisk arranged for it to be collected, then sent me a brand new one as a replacement. That’s customer service done well.

Drobo made me ship the item back to them. To Holland. It cost me £56 (~$73) just to post it back to them. I asked if that would be refunded and they said no. Great. Thanks.

Three weeks went by and I’d heard nothing. I checked the tracking to see if it had been delivered and it had, two and a half weeks earlier, on the 8th February. On the 21st of February, they were still claiming it hadn’t arrived. I sent them the tracking proof and suddenly I was told they had found it and would send out a replacement.

At this point, I had put in quite a bit of money, time, and effort in trying to get a functioning Drobo. But naively I was still hopeful that it would all end well. And so, a couple of weeks ago the new Drobo arrived. I fitted some brand new disks to it (just in case my previous ones had somehow caused the issue with the first unit). I powered it on. I waited for it to initialize. All the disks seemed to be working. The green lights were on, it was all looking good!

The Drobo 5C. Or as it’s affectionately known in my house, the Little Black Box of Doom.

And so, at last, I began to transfer my archive onto it. I did a few folders at first, to test it out. I came back to the desk a while later to find that the Drobo had disconnected itself and the file transfer had failed. I tried again, with fewer folders. The same thing happened. I emailed support yet again (I imagine some sort of warning klaxon goes off in their office now when an email from me arrives).

I had an email back from them. “Could I please use a different lead?” Well, no. I don’t have any other leads of the same type that the Drobo uses. They reassured me that it was likely to be a cable issue and after I asked them to, they sent me a new cable. A part of me was surprised that they didn’t ask me to buy one or at least pay for the postage.

The new lead arrived yesterday. I tried another transfer. It failed again. And this is where I sit. Looking at the shiny Drobo unit on my desk, with its fancy green lights, totally and utterly useless. I’m at a loss as to what to do next. I’ve asked for a refund, countless times. They have said no. I don’t know what to do now. Does anyone want a £360 ($340) doorstop, because I don’t think I can bear to look at it any longer…

P.S. In the interests of fairness I do know photographers who have Drobos and use them and have not had any problems. I’m not writing this because I think all Drobos are awful, but because, based on my experience, if you buy one and have problems with it then you won’t get much help. So this is a warning for any fellow photographers who might be considering it.

About the author: Sam Gibson is a professional wedding photographer based in the UK. The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author. You can find more of Gibson’s work on his website, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. This article was also published here.

source https://petapixel.com/2019/03/21/my-bad-experience-with-drobo-as-a-wedding-photographer/