#I told myself I had until the end of the summer to make unnecessary purchases and then I’d actually start budgeting

[victory-cookies]

hrrnnnggh I am making bad money decisions

#I was at a game store with a friend and they had a display of cool Pokémon cards #And they had the gardevoir and sylveon tag team secret rare #And like those are two of my absolute favourites they are on my ideal team #And it was a secret rare. A cool ass rainbow card #So I bought it. I told myself I’d never buy an individual card but I did #And yeah it was. Pretty expensive but what can you do #I told myself I had until the end of the summer to make unnecessary purchases and then I’d actually start budgeting #So this is my is my last hurrah

[puffwriter1998]

The Things We Let Go Ch. 5

Summary: Addison makes her way to King’s Cross and back to Hogwarts for her fifth year.

Character Pairings: Fred Weasley X OC

Word Count: 4.6k

The next couple of weeks staying at The Leaky Cauldron were filled with lots of tension and whispers between the adults. Immediately following the events at the World Cup, the Abbotts had offered to deliver me back home to my parents until the end of the holiday. I’d insisted that this was completely unnecessary, saying that I truly didn’t want to worry my parents over a band of drunken men who’d wanted to stir up trouble. 

 Truthfully, I was terrified of bringing the prejudices and problems of the wizarding world, home into their non-magical lives. If for some crazy reason, the Death Eaters wanted to come after me for what I’d seen that night, or even just because of my blood status, I didn’t intend for them to find me at home. I had half convinced myself that I would be able to avoid going home for the rest of my magical education, but I hadn’t been able to work out a good enough reason to be gone the entirety of the summer holidays every year. 

 Between afternoons of shopping for my school books and supplies in Flourish and Blott’s and enjoying ice cream sundaes with Charlie and Hanna at Florean Fortescue's I’d received several letters from Ginny; each delivered by the Weasley’s slightly decrepit owl, Errol. Each of them demanded to know exactly what had gone on that night in the woods between Fred and I. I hadn’t responded to any of them yet, simply because there wasn’t anything to say. We really had just sat together like a couple of scared puppies in the darkness. But I knew I’d have to fill Ginny in on the way to school. 

 The day before we were due back on the Hogwarts Express, we had just returned from purchasing sets of dress robes from Madam Malkin’s and were packing our trunks when a small screech owl began pecking at mine and Charlie’s bedroom window. The owl interrupted the first thought I’d had about how curious it was that we’d need formal robes for our year at Hogwarts. I quickly crossed the scantly decorated bedroom and opened the window to let the petite, proud-looking bird in. In the slight breeze that wafted in through the opening, I noticed the smell of coming rain. I groaned internally at the thought of trekking to the carriages tomorrow in the rain.

 The little brown owl stood regally on the windowsill and held out his leg to me. On it was a rolled up slip of paper with my name scrawled on the outside. 

 “I wonder who this is from?” I scowled as I untied the twine binding the roll of parchment to the bird. 

 “I bet I can guess,” giggled Charlie, who had given up on her packing momentarily and was spread across her bed. 

 I unrolled the paper and squinted at the messy handwriting on the page. Immediately, the name scratched into the bottom made my heart jump into my throat. 

 Morris, 

Hope you’re holding up okay after The Cup. I reckon you might be a bit of a cry baby, but you can cry on my shoulder any time. See you at King’s Cross. 

-Fred 

 I turned to face Charlie and beamed. I couldn’t believe Fred Weasley had taken the time to check up on me. My stomach twisted up into the same butterflies that I’d experienced before the World Cup. 

 “Well go on,” Charlie laughed, “What’s it say?” 

 I crossed the tiny bedroom and flopped down on the bed next to her. Even though we’d been staying here for a while, dust motes floated up from it through the dim sunlight filtering in through the discolored window. I held the paper out to her, “I think it says that he wants to meet me at King’s Cross tomorrow.”

 “You think?” she frowned and nearly ripped the parchment from my hands. She read it over a couple of times silently and pursed her lips. “You did not cry in front of Fred Weasley.” 

 We both bust into a fit of giggles as I grabbed one of the ancient green throw pillows and beamed it at her head. “Shut it! We thought we were going to die!” I managed. “Besides, do you think that’s what he meant? He wants to meet before we get on the train tomorrow?” 

 “It certainly sounds like it. Ooooh d’you think he likes you?” she asked, handing the note back to me. 

 “I doubt it,” I sighed, settling down further into the musty smell of the pillows, “honestly, he probably just feels bad that I was such a git about the whole mess at the Cup.” 

 Charlie propped herself up on her elbows and bored her emerald eyes into mine, “I know you think you’re disgusting or something after that whole mess with Cedric, but honestly Addie, that was ages ago. You just need to get over it,” she said pointedly. 

 I was slightly taken back by the bluntness of her statement, but I knew there was probably some truth to it. I opened my mouth to object, but before I could say anything she started again. 

 “And you’re kind of gorgeous you know,” she laughed. “Fred would be lucky to have someone like you. If I liked girls, I’d date you.” 

 “Not so fast there,” I chuckled. “Who say’s I’d date you?” 

 She clutched her heart and flipped over backwards like she’d been wounded. I laid my head down and stared up at the grey ceiling. Letting my eyes trail up and down the grain in the wood, I pondered what this note from Fred could mean. Part of me wanted to hope that Charlie was right, that he’d be lucky to have someone like me. I tried very quickly to shut that part up though; the thought of opening myself up to the humiliation and rejection that I’d felt before was a petrifying one. The number of students at Hogwarts was so small, almost everyone at least knew everyone else’s face, if not their name, blood status, and life history. Word got around quickly at school, and I’d surely never get a boyfriend if everyone thought I was desperate. 

 I let out another large sigh. Charlie ignored it and jumped off the bed and resumed putting her things away into her trunk. 

 “What’re you going to wear?” she asked. 

 “I was just thinking a pullover, it looks like rain. Why?” 

 “No, no,” she shook her head. “You’re hopeless Addie. Fred wants to see you! You can’t just wear your ratty pullover with the hood!” 

 “Hey how did you-” I started. 

 “You’ll thank me later,” she called over her shoulder as she dug through her trunk. After a moment she tossed an armful of light blue wool at me. “That’s my favorite jumper, and I want it back, but it’ll look lovely with your eyes.” 

 I held up the soft blue sweater and looked it over. It was the same color as the sky on a clear summer day; the exact color of the eyes my mother had passed on to me. 

 “You think a sweater will make Fred Weasley fall in love with me?” I rolled my eyes, but trying to hide the excitement on my face. The jumper would be a lot nicer than anything I’d planned to wear. We change into our school robes on the train, so I never put too much effort into my appearance on the morning of September first. 

 “I think you can make Fred Weasley fall in love with you dressed in a tea towel like a House Elf; the sweater is just a plus.” 

 I mused over the idea of pursuing Fred for the next several hours while we packed our things and had dinner with Charlie’s family. It was hard to imagine, I just kept seeing scenes of Fred making fun of me and me being too embarrassed and flustered to ever be somewhat appealing to him. Fred probably liked the funny girls, and funny I was not. I could appreciate a good joke as much as the next girl, but mine always landed poorly and were awkwardly timed. I just couldn’t make people laugh. 

 Several times, I almost talked myself into avoiding Fred the next day completely, and pretending like the World Cup never happened. But something kept telling me that there would be no forgetting that night. Not anytime soon anyway, so I might as well embrace it. 

 The next morning, Mr. and Mrs. Abbott accompanied the three of us, still rubbing the sleep out of our eyes, to Kings Cross Station. The rain was coming down in sheets, soaking us to the bone in the few moments it took us to run from the Abbott house into the Muggle Taxi they’d called. Wind howled past the car windows as we drove bending trees nearly in half on the side of the road. Charlie and Hannah looked around with wonder, and told me that they only ever got to ride in a car when they were due back at Hogwarts. 

 I was reminded again of the stark difference in our upbringing. Riding in a car was how I got everywhere before I’d found out I was a witch, and was still how I got around with my family over the summer holidays. It was humorous how such a mundane activity was lighting their eyes up with excitement. 

 Lightning cracked overhead, causing us all to start, as we stood in the downpour and retrieved our trunks from the car. The jumper Charlie had lent me was clinging to my body awkwardly and had taken on the smell of a wet dog. My hair hung in long wet strands down my face and every time I wiped the water away from my face, it was immediately soaked again. So much for looking nice. 

 When we made our way inside, Mrs. Abbott pulled the three of us into a washroom and pulled out her wand. “No one wants to show up on the first day of the term soaking wet,” she said with a wink. 

 She quickly looked over her shoulder and pointed her wand at us. She murmured something under her breath, and suddenly all of the water from our soggy clothes was rising up towards the ceiling as steam. A smile slowly spread across my face as I remembered why I loved this world so much. There is no such thing as an inconvenience when you have magic in your pocket. 

 Now dry and comfortable, our group made our way towards the wall directly between platforms nine and ten. Given that this was my fifth year returning, some of the wonder that had come from running at the red brick at full speed and sliding right through, had worn off. Not all of it though. It was always slightly exhilarating to check to see if no one was watching, and then take off, only to appear safely on platform nine and three quarters, where the gleaming scarlet engine of the Hogwarts Express sat on the tracks. 

 Hannah walked onto the platform following me, but took off towards a group of younger Hufflepuffs immediately, without as much as a “see you!” over her shoulder. I guessed that we’d never really be great friends. Charlie and Mrs. Abbott came through next, followed by Mr. Abbott, who today had chosen a grey jumper to compliment his mustache. 

 Now that we were in the presence of the train, the butterflies in my stomach returned. I hadn’t yet spotted the sea of red hair that would be the Weasley family, but I knew they’d be here any minute, it was nearly eleven. I was nervously adjusting my sweater time and time again the entire time that the Abbotts hugged us goodbye. I couldn’t even remember if I gave them a proper goodbye. 

 “Cool it Addie,” Charlie whispered out of the corner of her mouth as we crossed the platform towards the train. “It’s Fred, not the bloody Prime Minister.” 

 I nodded and tried to still my hands. I didn’t know why I was so nervous, I’d spent the entire night at the Cup pressed up against his chest. Surely I could say hello to him without feinting. 

 “Addison!” I heard my name called from the crowd behind me, and whipped my head around. A petite frame with a head of long carrot-colored hair was bounding towards me, agilely dodging students and trunks. 

 “Hey, Ginny,” I laughed as she reached us. 

 “You,” she wheezed, trying to catch her breath. “You didn’t respond to a single one of my letters.” She poked a finger at my chest. 

 “Hello to you too Ginny,” Charlie muttered from my side. We both ignored her.

 “Look, there wasn’t much to say,” I batted her finger away and laughed. “Besides, I figured it would give us something to talk about on the ride up today.” 

 The scowl that had settled into her brow softened. “Fine, but I want every single detail,” then she turned to Charlie. “Forgive me, had to get that bit off my chest. Did you both enjoy the end of your holiday?” 

 “It was alright, Mum just about wouldn’t let us out of her sight after what happened at the Cup,” Charlie sighed, “I’m just ready to get back to Hogwarts so I can have some freedom again.” 

 Suddenly, we were interrupted by the approach of another red head. This one taller, with soft brown eyes and the sweetest of grins set on his lips. There was an identical copy of him at his side. 

 “Hope you lot are ready for a bit of fun this year,” said George, the look of mischief clear in his eyes. 

 “Yeah, we’ve got a few things up our sleeve. Should be an interesting term,” Fred said, shooting me a wink over Ginny’s head. My stomach launched into backflips and my face burned red. 

 Ginny rolled her eyes, “You both would be wise to stay away from these two. They’re taking the pranking to a bit of an extreme these days.” 

 “You can’t tell me you don’t admire our entrepreneurship, little sister?” asked George, a fake pained expression on his face. 

 “Come off it,” Ginny grumbled, “You can do whatever you’d like, but keep it away from my friends.” 

 “Alright, alright,” conceded Fred, “But can I steal your friend Morris for a minute?” 

 Ginny glared at him. 

“I promise not to offer her anything to eat,” he chuckled. 

 “Fine,” she said finally. “C’mon Charlie, let’s go find a seat before all the good compartments are filled.” 

 They turned to board the train, followed by George who was grinning at Fred over his shoulder every few moments. As soon as they were gone, Fred’s goofy demeanor slipped away a little bit. 

 I had suddenly become very aware that my back was nearly up against the gleaming metal of the train and Fred was barely a foot in front of me. The bustling platform was starting to feel much more intimate. I slid my hands into the pockets of my jeans and tried to look up at him casually. 

 “Thanks for the owl,” I said too nonchalantly, “I know I seemed pretty shaken up that night, but I’m fine. Honestly.” 

 “Well, yeah, I’m glad you’re okay,” he said, a bit of red creeping up into his freckled cheeks. “I didn’t think you were a mess or anything I just wanted to er- let you know I was thinking about you.” 

 “Oh, er- that’s really kind of you,” I stammered, trying to calm my racing heart enough to form a coherent thought. “I really appreciate you looking out for me. I don’t know if I got to properly thank you.” 

 “Don’t mention it,” he grinned again. “Besides, I didn’t mind spending the evening pressed up against a tree with you.” 

 I could feel the heat rising into my face and I knew my blush gave me away this time. I couldn’t believe Fred Weasley was actually flirting with me, but as long as it was happening, I was going to roll with it. 

 “Well I’ve got to say Weasley, you’re stronger than you look,” I put emphasis on using his last name, the way he always used mine. 

 “Got to be if Gryffindor’s going to keep kicking Hufflepuff arse on the quidditch pitch,” he pulled his lips back over his teeth and laughed. 

 “You wish! Just wait until you see what Cedric has in store for us this year. We beat you last year,” I pointed out. 

 “You beat us because Harry fell off his broom,” said Fred “Diggory’s no match for him.” 

 “This is going to be our best season yet,” I teased. “You’ll be kissing our arses when we win the House Cup.” 

 Fred ran a hand through his shaggy red hair and smiled at me again, “I guess we’ll see.” 

 Suddenly, the whistle on the train let out a wail, causing us both to jump. I remembered we were surrounded by people as I saw parents giving last minute hugs and handing forgotten belongings through the open windows. 

 “Better get a move on,” Fred gestured to the open door next to us. “Unless you want to take my dad’s car?” 

 I rolled my eyes at his joke and turned to climb on board the train. We walked down the narrow hallway, glancing into compartments full of students looking for our friends. Towards the end, I finally spotted Ginny, sitting with Charlie, Ron, Hermione, and Harry. George was nowhere to be seen.

 I slid open the compartment door and turned to Fred, “You’re not coming in are you?” 

 He smiled and shook his head slightly, “Gotta go find George. We’ve got mischief to attend to.” 

 “Right,” I tried to smile, but was slightly disappointed that he wasn’t going to be spending the day with us. “Well maybe I’ll see you later?” 

 “Definitely. See you later Addie,” he drew out the nickname that my friends used for me and winked. 

 “See ya, Freddie,” I replied, using the same tone. 

 I stood for a second and watched him turn and disappear back up the long hallway that was still buzzing with students trying to find a seat. I tried to wipe the silly grin off my face as I turned back around and sat down next to Charlie. I busied myself trying to settle my belongings into the storage space at my feet. When I looked up, the five of them were all staring at me with varying looks of smugness and shock. Most of the smugness was coming from Ginny and Charlie. 

 “Well I’m just going to say it,” said Ron finally. “What the bloody hell was that?”

 Charlie laughed. “Addison has a thing for Fred, obviously.” 

 “Do not!” I insisted, shooting her a warning look. 

 “Oh calm down,” dismissed Ginny, “It’s quite obvious that Fred’s got a thing for Addie too.” 

 “Fred doesn’t get ‘things’ for girls. I was starting to think he wasn’t interested in them!” bellowed Ron. 

 “Honestly Ronald,” interjected Hermione, “he’s nearly of age. I think it’s nice that he’s finally found someone he’s interested in,” she added reassuringly.

 “Look he’s not interested in me!” I blushed for what felt like the hundredth time today. 

“I think you all would be really good together,” said Harry matter-of-factly. He ran a hand through his shaggy black hair. “You both play quidditch, you’re both nice and my friends. I just think it could be a good match.” 

 Ron looked at Harry in confusion, but before he could say anything Hermione started again, “I agree with Harry. I think you should go for it.” 

 “Don’t I get a say in one of my best friend’s dating my older brother?” grumbled Ginny. 

 “Christ! We aren’t dating. I hardly even know him. He just looked out for me during the craziness at the World Cup, and he just wanted to make sure I was okay.” 

 “Oh yeah,” scoffed Ginny, “that’s why he spent days writing and rewriting that four line note he sent you. Face it Addie, he’s into you.” 

 I started to protest again but suddenly Ron was shushing us. “Oi! Listen!”

 Hermione was pressing a finger to her lips and pointing at the compartment door that I’d left open. I tilted my head and listened to the familiar cold, sneering voice drifting in. 

 “… Father actually considered sending me to Durmstrang rather than Hogwarts, you know. He knows the headmaster, you see. Well, you know his opinion of Dumbledore – the man’s such a Mudblood-lover –” my blood chilled at the word, and I noticed Hermione’s face pale, “and Durmstrang doesn’t admit that sort of riffraff. But Mother didn’t like the idea of me going to school so far away. Father says Durmstrang takes a far more sensible line than Hogwarts about the Dark Arts. Durmstrang students actually learn them, not just the defense rubbish we do…” 

 Ginny suddenly stood up angrily, stalked across the compartment and pulled the door closed with a woosh, effectively cutting off the voice of Draco Malfoy. A Slytherin in the same year as Harry, Draco was the son of Lucius Malfoy, a suspected supporter of Voldemort from the first war. 

 “So he thinks Durmstrang would have suited him, does he?” said Hermione angrily. “I wish he had gone, then we wouldn’t have to put up with him.” 

 “What is Durmstrang?” I asked.

 “Yeah, is it another Wizarding school?” added Harry. 

 “Yes,” Hermione said to both of us, “and it’s got a horrible reputation. According to An Appraisal of Magical Education in Europe, it puts a lot of emphasis on the Dark Arts.” 

 “I think I’ve heard of that one before. Dad’s maybe talked about it. Where is it?” interjected Charlie. 

 “Well, no one really knows, do they?” said Hermione, raising an eyebrow.

 “What do you mean?” asked Ginny. I would have thought this would be a boring conversation for people already raised in the magical world, but Charlie, Ginny, and Ron seemed just as intrigued as Harry and I. 

 “Well,” started Hermione as if she were reading to us straight from a book, “There’s traditionally been a lot of rivalry between all the magic schools. Durmstrang and Beauxbatons like to conceal their whereabouts so nobody can steal their secrets.” 

 “Come off it,” laughed Ron. “Durmstrang’s got to be about the same size as Hogwarts – how are you going to hide a great big castle?” 

 Now it was my turn to have the answer, “Actually Ron, Hogwarts is hidden. I think they bewitch it so that muggles can only see old ruins of a castle.” 

 “So Durmstrang just looks like a ruined castle to outsiders?” asked Charlie.

 “Maybe,” said Hermione with a slight shrug, “or it might have a Muggle-repelling charm like the stadium at the World Cup. But I think It would be very far north. Somewhere very cold, because they’ve got fur capes as part of their uniforms.” 

 “Just think of the possibilities,” mused Ginny. “It would have been so easy to push Malfoy off a glacier and make it look like an accident.” 

 “Shame his mother likes him..” snorted Ron. 

 I pondered the thought of the various Wizarding schools across the world as the train surged onward towards Hogwarts. The storm raged on outside the windows, and the sky was so black with rain clouds that the lanterns in the corridor were lit by lunchtime. We ate Cauldron Cakes silently as I savored the taste of the long missed Hogwarts cooking. 

 A few of Harry and Ron’s friends popped their heads in to say hello, and Cedric Diggory even stopped by to ask if Harry and I were ready for the quidditch season to start. Cedric had been very kind to me since the incident where he turned me down, and always did his best not to make things awkward, even if they were. 

 When Ron began recanting their experience in the Top Box at the Cup to Neville Longbottom, a Gryffindor boy in their year, Draco Malfoy appeared in the doorway of our compartment; hair slicked back, a smug smile on his face, and his two goons Crabbe and Goyle towering behind him. 

 “First and last time in your life, Weasley,” he sneered. 

 “Don’t remember asking you to join us, Malfoy,” Harry said coolly. 

 Ignoring him, Draco continued with Ron, “So… going to enter, Weasley? Going to try and bring a bit of glory to the family name? There’s money involved as well, you know… You’d be able to afford decent robes if you won…” he said, glancing over at the mess of lace that I could only assume was Ron’s dress robes, covering a bird cage. 

“What are you talking about?” asked Ron snappily. 

 “Are you going to enter?” Malfoy repeated more slowly, like he was talking to a child. “I suppose you will, Potter? You never miss a chance to show off, do you?” 

 “Either tell us what you’re going on about or beat it, Malfoy,” Ginny piped up with annoyance. A sinister smile spread across Malfoy’s face. 

 “Don’t tell me you lot don’t know?” he sounded delighted. “You’ve got a father and brother at the Ministry and you don’t even know? My god, my father told me about it ages ago… heard it from Cornelius Fudge. But then, Father’s always associated with the top people at the Ministry… Maybe your father’s too junior to know about it, Weasley… yes… they probably don’t talk about important stuff in front of him…” Malfoy laughed and motioned to Crabbe and Goyle and the three of them disappeared off down the hallway. 

 Ginny was clenching her fists so hard that she was surely drawing blood under her fingernails. Ron jumped up and slammed the door with such force that the glass pane shattered, sending shards spraying around the small space. 

 “Ron!” Scolded Hermione, pulling out her wand. She muttered, “Reparo!” and the glass that littered the floor and seats returned to the doorframe and repaired themselves. 

 “Honestly, Ron,” grumbled Charlie, “Don’t let Malfoy get to you like that. He’s a twat.” 

 “Him! Get to me!? As if!” Ron scoffed, but he was absentmindedly crushing a Cauldron Cake in his right hand. 

 Everyone was in a horrible mood for the rest of the train ride, so we continued the afternoon with minimal conversation. No one spoke as we changed into our house robes, the Gryffindor robes accented in scarlet, and ours in yellow. The Hogwarts Express gradually slowed, so I knew we must be getting close to Hogsmeade Station. Hogsmeade was the only entirely magical settlement in Great Britain, so it was the perfect place to let off a train full of young Wizards. 

Charlie and I excused ourselves to go find Hannah and a few other fellow Hufflepuffs before disembarking the train. As the doors slid open, a giant strike of lightnings accompanied by an immediate clap of thunder caused everyone to jump. I filed out onto the platform behind Susan Bones, a dark haired Hufflepuff in Hannah’s year. We bent over to brace against the rain, which was now coming down in what seemed like swimming pools full at a time. All but running, we made our way to the line of carriages waiting for us outside the station. 

 We climbed into one behind Hannah and Susan and slammed the door, shivering. We were all chilled to our cores, huddled together for warmth as the carriages started to roll forward, pulling themselves without horses. I tried to squint out the window at the passing forest, but couldn’t see through the curtain of rain. We soon cleared the trees and began the incline up towards the school grounds. Suddenly, the rain let up just enough for me to see. And there, etched in black against the night sky, was the silhouette of Hogwarts Castle, welcoming us home.

#harry potter fanfiction #fred weasley fic #fred weasley #harry potter #fanfic #Fred #hp fanfic #hp #harry potter and the goblet of fire #goblet of fire #fuck jkr tho #fanfiction #fred weasley x oc #fanfiction dot net

[lowishigh]

20 Things I accomplished in 2019

I thought 2019 has been the shittiest year of my life. But then I thought about it again, this time thinking a little bit harder, and realized that it isn’t so terrible after all. It’s been a year of growth and transformation. Yes, it came with a lot of pain. I mean A LOT OF PAIN. But now I look back, it was worth the ride and I feel nothing but grateful for everything I went through.

Here are the 20 things I think I can really be proud of or content with accomplishing in 2019:

1. Work out regularly

This was my number one goal for 2019. I didn’t believe that I could persevere, especially not with exercising, but I actually made it a habit and I feel so much healthier and stronger now. The best thing about working out regularly is that it helps me to reduce stress and feel a lot more positive about my body. Most importantly, I’ve decreased my body fat percentage by almost 5%!

2. Overcome a breakup

I ended a 2.5 year relationship with someone who I really once believed that I could love forever. I got dumped with a really shitty accusation through texts and I wanted to kill myself when it happened. I didn’t think I could recover from it at first. I begged for that person’s love and another chance to show him that I can be good enough for him. In the first two weeks I couldn’t eat and felt numb most of the time. But gradually I regained my strength with the help of my friends and by focusing on working and engaging in activities. I found my inner peace and started to examine this relationship from different perspectives. The more I reflect on it, the more I understand that it wasn’t meant to be and I’m blessed that he at least was decent enough to let me go so I can have the opportunity to meet the next person who’s got what it takes to build a healthy, mature, and happy relationship that I deserve with me. This experience was priceless and I’ve learned so much from it. I feel like I know myself and what I want/need better now. And this grounds me for getting ready for a relationship that’s worth my best energy.

3. Undergraduate diploma

In fact, I’m not particularly proud of this but I still spent five years working on it and life could be a lot harder without a diploma so I still want to put it on the list to sort of celebrate it. It’s also for acknowledging the fact that I’m not a student anymore.

4. Let go of an unrequited love

This is a weird one, I know. How could I possibly be in love with someone else for over a decade while feeling like I was drowning in sorrow because of a breakup?

It dates back to a long time ago and we have a long history. I’m not gonna go into it but this person has always been really important to me and he always will. We missed each other multiple times at different stages of life because of a lot of things we weren’t in control of. And I had always wanted to tell him how I felt but never found the right timing nor the courage to do it. So it was a big step forward that I finally did it this summer.

I’m so glad that I did it and am even happier about our friendship growing stronger after having a brutally honest conversation about everything. I’m also really relieved because now I can really move on and stop wondering about the “what if”s. I’m forever grateful for the purest form of love he had displayed to me in the past and the continuous support he offers whenever I need it. Cheers to a lifelong friendship and honesty!

5. Scuba diving license

It was an exciting adventure and made me realize that there’re still so many fun things out there I want to explore and experience. I also got to see how beautiful my country is and spent some really wonderful time with my friends. Through getting this license, it really empowered me to get out of my comfort zone and feel excited about the unknown. This means a lot to me also because my ex boyfriend held me back from trying scuba diving in the past for his own fear of getting deep into the sea. I felt like in a way I was shaking off the chains he put on me when I finally got my license. It meant freedom and independence. 

6. Made new friends

2019 has always been a year full of new friends. These new friends expand my worldview and pour in fresh ideas to my mind. It’s amazing to review how many new people I have met this year and how much I have learned from each of them. I also received so much love and care from people who barely knew me but were generous and kind enough to offer help, support, advice, and guidance. I’m thankful to them for showing me the best side of human beings and I want to do this for others, too.

7. Reconnect with old friends

New friends are indeed fresh and exciting but catching up with old friends always makes me feel extra blessed. Especially with international friends, you never know when and where you’re gonna see each other again the next time, so it’s for sure the best feeling when you get to hang out together again. I’ve had several opportunities to do this with some old friends I made overseas this year and I’m truly grateful for this. It’s never easy to maintain contact with people far away from you but I always try my best. 

8. Travel

I love traveling and compared to the previous years, I haven’t done much traveling in 2019. But I’m still super glad that I got to spend 2 weeks in London and a week in Portugal this year. All the places I visited were amazing and worth revisiting. Moreover, London truly inspired me to do anything I can to move away from Taipei so I won’t feel stuck constantly. It’s a pity that I didn’t make it to Vietnam or New York like I planned to earlier this year. And I might not get the same luxury to travel so much like in uni as I have work responsibilities now and less money to spend freely. But I will definitely still try to do a trip or two every year in the future!

9. Joining VO1SS Taiwan

I came across this opportunity by randomly scrolling on Facebook. I got introduced to the founder and got the position of editor in chief of VO1SS Taiwan right away. It’s always really encouraging when people tell me that they immediately see my potential and think my personality is suitable for taking on an important role. Although this is an unpaid job at a non-profit organization, I truly appreciate having this opportunity to work with passionate and driven people with the vision of connecting people around the world together with a digital interactive media. I’m constantly learning about what it means to be a good leader in this role and I’m so grateful of all the advice and feedback I get from my teammates. 

10. Showing up for my family during the toughest time

We’ve had plenty of ups and downs this year in my family. When unexpected things hit, the only thing you could do is stick through it with your loved ones and react in the calmest, most reasonable way possible so you don’t hurt even harder with the train wreck. Each of the challenges was super tough for me but I did my best to show up for everyone anyway. I’m not saying that I did everything perfectly, but I did what I could do and what I thought I had to do to offer help and support. Most importantly, I also had to hold myself together and lower the impact of these things to my mental stability as much as possible. It really was very difficult for me and for everyone. Through these hardships, I learned that there’re always gonna be things that you have no control over in life and it’s okay to not always know what to do. It’s scary as f*ck which is why it’s important to have a strong support system and safety net with people who truly care and can offer good advice.  

11. Becoming aware of sustainability and cruelty-free

I started paying more attention to the harm of over-consumerism to the environment and also to our peace of mind after watching the documentary film “Minimalism”. I took a good look at how I was living, how much unnecessary purchase I made, and how much waste I produced obliviously over the years. So I decided to change my habit of consuming and reduce the harm of it as much as possible. I’m constantly looking for affordable, environmentally friendly, and cruelty-free products. I think twice before buying anything now. I’ve stopped spending money on things because I “want” them but because I truly “need” them or see the value of them. 

12. Listening to podcasts

For some reason, podcasts never really interested me up until this year. More and more friends around me told me that they’re listening to podcasts and each of them recommended something that they really love listening to. That’s how I got into the world of podcasts and I find a lot of the contents up there really informative and helpful. Now, instead of music, I sometimes listen to podcasts on health, spirituality, and language/culture learning during commute and shower. It has certainly opened another window for me to absorb knowledge and connect to the world. 

13. Doing online courses

Another thing that I really got into this year is online courses. Ironically, when I was still a full-time student, I could never really finish any online courses because learning was a mandatory thing. Now that I’m working, I find learning such a luxury and I’m loving every second of sitting down and learning something new for a couple of hours. I’m also really glad that I pushed myself out of the comfort zone to take the courses that contain some math and science which had always been something I was so afraid of in school. I even started learning how to code which is absolutely something I would never have imagined for myself a year ago. It feels really good to know that I can learn anything and that there’s no limit in learning. When I feel stuck in life, going back to learning always makes me feel alive again. 

14. Becoming  more responsible and careful with money (investment in funds)

I’ve never been so stressed out about money in my life like this time right now. I’m earning very little and don’t have much extra money to save up. However, I made up my mind to save as much as possible regardless of how little the amount might be. 

15. Discover my passion in public health

I was very lost, resentful, and disoriented when I graduated from university. It suddenly struck me that I was way too naive and didn’t seize the opportunity to better prepare myself for the challenges and predicaments in the world of harsh competitions, low salary, and limited choices. Meanwhile, a few things also changed my mind about working in films. For a very long time, I’d always thought it’s something I wanted to do, and losing grip of that left me in a very confusing situation. Luckily, through working on a project related to healthcare and medical services, I discovered that public health is a field that has a lot of potentials and interests me in various aspects. I felt like I have finally found my calling in life and it sets my purpose and direction for the future. 

16. Finished two scripts for short films

Despite my decision of not working in the film industry after graduation, I still want to continue writing stories and creating because it’s always going to be my passion and I believe in the power of storytelling. I was very lucky to have the opportunities to finish two scripts, although one of them wasn’t made into an actual film at the end. The creative process of writing scripts and shooting the movies really reminded me of how much I enjoy presenting a story visually.

17. Livestream talk show

Over the past few years, the idea of running a YouTube channel has crossed my mind several times. However, I never really persisted because I didn’t find a certain theme or topic of which I had so much to talk about. Starting this livestream talk show with my friend was indeed exciting for me because having someone on the show that can interact with me and exchange ideas with is much more interesting than recording content by myself. I wish to start doing podcasts in the coming year. 

18. Switch to a more positive way of using social media

A lot of people believe that a “social media detox” means that you have to be completely off it to regain your inner peace. This method is doable for some people, but definitely not for the majority of the population. We’re way too engaged in the Internet and the culture of media, after all. But there is an alternative solution. Earlier this year, I checked all the accounts I was following on social media and deleted the ones that simply did not “spark joy” for me anymore. I used to follow mostly accounts that feature fashion, beauty and celebrity news that encourage consumerism. After deleting the accounts that only made me feel that I was lacking of something instead of feeling inspired, encouraged, and educated, I started focusing on the contents about health, spirituality, and self-improvement. Right now, whenever I go on social media, I can always expect to learn something or get inspired. For me, social media isn’t a source of anxiety and depression anymore, quite the contrary, it introduces so much positive energy to my life every day. 

19. Healthier sleep routine

I used to have difficulty going to bed and getting up early. I used to always tell people that “I’m not a morning person”. But now I can really appreciate the beauty of morning and the benefits of starting a day early. I stopped staying up super late and I feel much more energetic throughout the day. I can make better use of my time and get more done in the daytime. This change of habit helps me stay focus and on track in life. I finally don’t feel like an irresponsible teenager that feels tired and lack of purpose despite sleeping 10 hours a day. 

20. Cut my hair short 

This is something that I’ve been wanting to do for many years. I didn’t do it because I wanted to avoid fights with my ex and I was afraid of other people’s opinions on my haircut. So I just kept sticking to what I’m used to. This November, I finally made up my mind and cut my hair short and I absolutely love how I look now. It’s like a ritualistic thing to do to say goodbye to my past. And I’m really glad that I made the decision purely considering how I feel about it, not anyone else’s opinions.

[prorevenge]

Contractor abandons project mid-way, resulting in damages. Tries to go off the grid. But I found him and now he's paying me every penny.

This is a bit of a long one so I will try to keep some details out that aren't necessary to the story but if I am happy to answer questions if something isn't clear. This whole story takes place over the course of a year, Appx Dec 2016 into Dec 2017, and through March this year.

So the story begins with my needing to hire a contractor to repair damage to a pole barn that I was constructing on our property. The structure was partially done when a storm hit and the structure had substantial damage. So, we bid a few contractors and the guy that seemed to be the best one (who was actually a referral from a friend), we signed a contract and he started work within a week. We had also signed with him to complete the structure after the insurance portion was completed because his crew could do this much more efficiently and a better job than we could do ourselves (which is what we were originally doing).

His crew completes the insurance portion of the job, but then abandons the project just before starting the rest of it. No call, no email, nothing. I called and texted, and not one of my contact points was ever returned. At this point it was late December, and we thought maybe he and his crew had holiday plans but would resume right after. Then another windstorm hit and his crew hadn't braced the partially-completed structure correctly....and it almost collapsed again.

I tried for 2 weeks to find him. I even drove out to the address on the contract we signed. Which ended up being a house on a rural road, next town over. I knocked on the door, seeing his car there. No one answered. I stopped by this house several different times, trying to catch him. The last few times, his car was no longer there but the work truck of another company was. Wanting to know if he owned the house, I pulled up the tax records for it in the county it was in. Name on the house was not registered to him. So, sounds like he rented or at least was staying with a friend. The company info on the truck was registered to someone unrelated and not on the tax records. The tax records showed that the actual taxpayer of the property lived elsewhere. Here where I live, the property owner name is listed and if they do not actually live at that property (such as in using it for an investment), their address that would have the actual tax bill sent to is also on there.

Given that knowledge, I pulled the court records for him to see if maybe he had been recently arrested or if there was any other info. What I found was about 30 years of driving offenses, including a lot of DUI/DWI charges, and other records. At this point I figured he was long gone and being as I hadn't paid out any money to him for work that was not complete, I would just move on. At least until the structural engineer I hired to assess the damage to the work that was done, stated that the structure had to be started over on that part, and the building materials that the contractor had left scattered around the jobsite were also unusable due to being left improperly stored. I had hoped that the structure could just be pulled back into place and re-secured but I was told this is not the case.

So began the bigger drama and my determination to find him. So far, his negligence has cost $1200 for a structural engineer opinion (our insurance company paid for a 2nd opinion because they didn't like what ours said), $2500 for insurance deductible to the newest contractor hired to repair the exact damage that happened 3 months prior, and $7,000 in materials that his insurance company refused to cover or pay for, and my insurance policy on the project did not cover either. The adjuster for his insurance company said that he was able to locate the contractor but refused to give up any information for him directly.

That and the fact that the project wasn't finished had detriment to my farm and boarding business because two of my pastures that were connected to where the building was sitting, couldn't be used. This limited my ability to use natural pasture grass in summer months by rotating pastures for each herd, and had to purchase hay, which gets quite expensive.

By the time the building was completed, and I could get my pastures back to normal, I had losses of over $14,000. Because I didn't know where he now lived, I used the only address I had for him to file for small claims court, which here has a limit of $15,000. The court documents I served came back undeliverable. This meant that I was kind of stuck because a court date cannot be scheduled until all parties are properly served. But how do I find an address for someone who doesn't seem to register to any particular address directly?

Time was still on my side as this was still early-mid last year. So I kept a watch on social media for anything with his name, which was a VERY unique one. If there was another man of the same name within this state, within even the same metro area, it was unlikely because of how unique the name was. Then one day this past fall, after google searching the name again, there it was: his Facebook page. His name hadn't shown up before on FB with several searches. Not sure why this was the case. Even better, all his settings were set to public. I could see everything he wrote about. Including his recent commitment to stay sober earlier in 2017 (just after he abandoned my project), and... his employer's name! He had posted a pic of him on a jobsite and someone asked where he worked now. He named the place. So a quick google search and voila! Got an address to serve him court papers to. So I re-filed with the new-found address. But I still needed a home address to enforce the judgement once I won the case.

So what did I do? Seeing that he was listed as 'single' in his page, I used a fake FB profile that I originally had in use to test various features I enable on pages that I start up under my real profile. Truthfully, i only used that profile for that purpose to make sure the settings I put in place truly work. But now it would serve another purpose. Getting this guy to give me all the information I needed, playing on his being middle aged and single.

To create my alter ego, I found a website of a cute blonde lady in her 40's (so as to not be too young for him, since he was around mid-40's himself), and just yanked pics. I only set one to the profile photo, and would use the rest if he asked for more. I changed all the pics in the profile to look like it was a typical page of the average mid-40's female.

Holy crap did this work... and it worked so well. I used some information I found on his page to strike up a conversation about stuff stolen out of his work truck in the alley behind his house (big clue!) and it was reported to the city police dept (he named the city, so another big clue).

So, using this information, and telling him I had grown up in the same area, I got him to give me a general area where he lived. Keeping conversation cool like "is the pizza joint still there? They've been around forever" etc so he wouldn't get suspicious. Thank goodness for Google Maps giving me a better idea of that area so I could talk about it like i did in fact grow up there. In reality, I have only ever been in that city twice, and other times drove through on the way to somewhere else.

I was able to narrow down the area he talked about, and using that info, I pulled the police report records from that city. There were 3 reports done within the same area on that same day he reported. So... using that information, I pulled the county tax records to see who owned the houses. I found 3 houses within that area that could possibly be rentals since the owner name and taxpayer billing address did not match. This could be a long-shot to find the person, but I didn't have anything to lose by searching. Just as I was about to call the homeowners to see of anyone by the name of the contractor rented from them, he posts some info on his page that made the calls completely unnecessary. He posted the name of his roommate in a status update, who I then check out the profile of. The profile lists the roommate's landscaping business. A quick google search of that business name and BINGO... his state business registration address matched 1 of the 3 addresses I suspected to be the rental house.

So now I have his home address. He had already been served at his employer's address for the court date. Fast forward to the court date. He didn't show up, which I suspected he wouldn't so I got default judgement. Between serving him papers and the court date passing, the FB profile I was using to talk to him was helpful in getting info out of him about his life, his job situation, how much he made per hour (me feigning knowledge about what construction trades paid), and the fact that he was looking at changing employers. He even told me the name of that employer. So I was armed with info, should he decide to not work with me.

He played right into my hands. Once I got the official judgement from the small claims court win, I decided to contact him myself on FB using messenger. I sat down and wrote out a whole paragraph to him, first typing it on Word so that I could print it out and edit it, and have my husband read it as well.

I wrote that while I was angry at him, I was going to give him ONE chance to work a deal with me, rather than using our state dept of revenue play collection officer for me. I hate dealing with our state dept of revenue. They make the IRS look like Sunday school teachers. But...if it came down to that I would, and they would start garnishing his wages, and here they take 25% of each paycheck after taxes, and have the person's employer do it for them, and then send it to me. However, I hate letting the state be the middle-man because they just complicate things. But I told him straight out that if he refused to work with me directly, I would go to that extreme. I told him that I know he's an addict and has had struggles in the past. I told him that knowing he has had struggles, I was willing to work with him directly and give him an opportunity to offer a monthly payment amount that works for him and his budget, rather than have the state decide the amount for him.

To shorten this up... he replied, agreed, signed (and had notarized) a monthly payment agreement, complete with a list of manual labor tasks that he could use in place of a payment or two to help with some projects on my farm.

TL;DR Contractor ditched a project, resulting in significant financial damages that I could not recover via insurance. Used social media and my intimate knowledge of how to use public records to find people, along with a fake FB profile that appealed to his lonely side. Ended up finding him after over a year, and used my knowledge and rights of the court system to get him to pay me monthly rather than garnishing his wages, which I had every right to do. So far so good and it is nice having that payment show up every month.

(source) (story by Meschugena)

#prorevenge #by Meschugena #pro revenge #revenge stories #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge #revenge story

[theyearofnoclothes]

day three hundred and forty-seven - to knit or not

In about a day and a half we’ll have crossed 300,000 covid deaths, with almost that many new cases being reported daily. We’ll also (maybe, probably, hopefully) be starting to vaccinate those first in line, though we won’t get to that magic 70% inoculation rate until May at the earliest. Until then, more death!

May seems impossibly far away, and I do not enjoy thinking about what comes after - questions like ‘was this just the first of many pandemics?’ ‘will small businesses ever recover?’ and ‘what will become of democracy?’ all take up way too much of my happiness, so I’m trying to take it one day at a time, even though I know such thinking leads to things like our total failure to act on climate change. Anyways!

Today I packed my car again and headed to my 6th Airbnb of what will be 11. I’m traveling with my dog and ingredients to cook with at these places, but the sheer amount of shit I’m schlepping around is embarrassing - somehow my “one food bag, one Rue bag, one duffel” plan turned into at least 7 bags and other miscellany - Rue’s bed, my pillow, my yoga mat, a houseplant (the regret), etc.

You would think I’d be getting more efficient as this journey goes on, but instead I’ve gone the other way. Example? Though I carted a sweet potato biscuit mix from Chicago to Wisconsin all the way to Arizona and finally used it last week, yesterday I bought a cookie mix, along with sea salt, chili powder, and two bags of fancy popcorn. To add to the facepalm, I ALREADY HAD nearly two pounds of sea salt in my food bag (side note: I woefully underestimated how much salt is in a pound).

I have luckily not picked up too many (any?) unnecessary items that aren’t food while driving, though I am in the process of having a piece of art shipped to a friend in California (not to be mistaken with the piece of art a different friend in California picked up for me this summer), and I had those Stasher bags shipped to my dad’s. Though I clearly still struggle with wildly impractical purchasing behavior, the thrust of this post was supposed to be about the struggle to identify if a specific purchase would be wildly impractical. The thing? A knitting kit.

The story kind of both begins and ends on Instagram, where a sustainable gift guide featured a babaā sweater, which is knit in Spain and could be a great gift if you usually spend $300 on single items for your mom/sister/girlfriend/wife. I became slightly fascinated with the brand and stumbled upon a New Yorker article from February of 2019 about it and sweater culture in general. This article not only told me that I was extremely late to this party, but also introduced me to the wild world of hipster knitting. (Also, do people say hipster anymore? Or have we just decided that all millennials like hipster things and therefore all hipster things are millennial?)

From that article I popped over to the Instagram account of sweater knitter extraordinaire Tara-Lynn Morrison, and it was she who brought me to Pom Pom Mag’s “Knit How” book, which they handily sell with yarn and knitting needles to help fledgling knitters like me get started. After calling several LYS (that’s local yarn stores for those who haven’t now spent hours internetting this subject) in Tucson, Prescott, Flagstaff AND LA in futile search of the book, I ordered the kit online, hoping my dad would find a way to get it to me. And only after did I start to wonder if knitting sweaters myself was any better for the environment than buying a $300 hand knit sweater from someone else.

I don’t actually have an answer for this, but leave it to you to ponder. On one hand, knitting your own leaves you in control of where you buy your yarn from, and you choose which company to believe about the happiness of their sheep. On the other hand, the pre-fab sweater already exists, so the raw material couldn’t be diverted to something else - there’s maybe something about you not adding to demand or even reducing it by not buying, but that gets into questions of scale I can’t answer! In the ‘good news for everyone’ department, hand knit clothing is inherently at least sustainable-ish, because there are no scraps in the creation process, and I don’t yet know enough about knitting to answer if leftover yarn counts as a scrap.

So! That was a lot of not knowing, and hopefully I learn more before I do something dumb, like spend $200 on a wool blanket knitting kit. Time will tell if I amend my plan to only buy vintage/pre-owned clothing to a plan that allows me to make my own clothes too. We’ll have to see if I even master casting off first.

#2020 resolutions #conscious consumerism #slow fashion

[inkantation18]

Reclaiming my Space

In my absence over the summer I enjoyed the freedom to read without the nagging pull of consistent writing and posting dragging me into a world of creative frustration. I began to miss updating this blog while also accepting that my eagerness to solely post about reading and writing had dwindled. I still wanted to write about them but my desires had seeped into other unrelated topics too. By September I established my return would be this fall with a much-needed reinvention.

Envy sparked the need to express my duality through this medium. I was jealous that a fellow Philly blogger could switch between books and lifestyle with ease. I’d built this platform off of books but yearned to expand, but it just didn’t seem right. Until I told myself to do it. I refuse to let the second half of my twenties be cluttered with doubts and insecurities. And this is why we’re here now, revealing to you just another aspect of my identity—my navigation through wellness, finances and lifestyle.  

Entering this final stretch of the year, my focus is to reclaim my space, more specifically my bedroom. This idea is thanks to a podcast episode by BlackGirlinOm of the same name. From ages 20-24, my bedroom was just a spot to rest my head at night, wake up, get dressed. Repeat. For 1825 days I viewed it as nothing more than just a bed in a room, and it showed. There were no accents, no décor. Just a bed, a dresser, full length mirror and a desk. This past June when I turned 25, my perception of the room changed. I wanted to make it a symbol of tranquility, safety and creativity. Even today, I’m still transforming it into a hub where I can relax and recharge and create and meditate. Below I’ll share with you five ways I have, am or plan to reclaim my space before the end of 2019.  

I rearranged my room. This came at no cost, obviously, but when I switched around my desk with my dresser and mirror, I could already feel the shift in the room’s energy. With the desk’s new position, natural sunlight floods the wall and the exact spot I can get bomb lighting for my bookstagram posts. As for my mirror and dresser, having more space in front of my bed has made it much easier to keep my faux fur rug cleaner and allows space to add another piece to the wall they rest on. After the switch, my room has felt more open and inviting. This had to be the first step to encourage me to complete the creation of the space I truly want.  

HomeGoods, Marshalls and T.J.Maxx are my best friend. The weekend I got my raise, I went with my mother to Exton, PA and blew a bag.

 I mean serious retail damage. I spent the next two weeks tiptoeing around unnecessary purchases, but the addition of a new rug and blankets enticed me to want to remain in the comfort of my room. With the whiteboard planner I’ve hung from my wall, I can spread out all of the creative tasks I need to conquer that week. I even introduced a TV back into my room, something I haven’t had since college. The consumption of Netflix can be therapeutic for me on weekends where I prefer the company of solitude and trying to fix my laptop screen from the glare of the sun just wasn’t cutting it anymore. The space is small, so there won’t be much more to add but I’ve been plotting on a specific shoe rack and circular wall shelf for a few weeks and hope to add them soon.  

Candles, candles, candles~ They were arguably the bulk of my purchases from my blow-a-bag session a few weeks ago. Candles were the one item I picked up from every store. Though I adopted the attraction to them from my father’s own collection, I see candles as a form of pacificity — an integral part of my meditating and manifesting practices. The collection has grown to about 5 or 6 new ones, so I believe that’s a good stopping place for the fall and may resume my candle shopping in the winter. Also, if you’re ever in need of good candles, I prefer DW Home to everything else (All tea, all shade, all offense your faves don’t compare)!

Minimalizing my closet. I’m a creature of nature, so once something sticks, I ain’t letting go. I had all of my high school years to go through the dreaded neon phase and then in college I was into animal prints. 

SAY SOMETHING I DARE YOU. By the time I received my bachelor’s, my style evolved into neutrals only. I still struggled with online shopping though. Selling items on Poshmark opened my eyes to how often I recycle the same clothing and what I’m most comfortable with. To help solidify this new mindset, I’ve concluded with a simple system for my clothing—for every new item, one must either be sold, donated or trashed (depending on how well-loved it is). This system has saved me room in my closet and curbs the need to spend excess money on clothes. Shoes are included, too. This allows me to keep track of what I currently own and determine if that new top or new pair of booties has a spot reserved for it. But truthfully, that the rule is gonna be no good come Black Friday, because I mean...???

Counting crystals. In the past two months I’ve been more in tune with my spirituality. I’ve come across a number of witchy Instagram pages that intrigue me for their expansive knowledge and welcoming presence for newcomers. I have a two-year-old tattoo of a crystal ball on my left thigh, so believe me when I say this isn’t just a phase but a lifestyle. I didn’t exactly know where to start in but social media has been a lifesaver! Anyways, while I await my copy of Waking the Witch, I’ve been doing more research on crystals and what energies they can provide. The main reason I need the shelf in my room is to safely place the crystals I intend to order. My room won’t be able to host an altar, so a shelf is the next best thing. until I get the shelf I’ll purchase a set of crystals to travel with. But best believe when I can start ordering them for my bedroom, the energy will get that shift it really needs! But for now I’ll continue browsing and dreaming of what I can’t have just yet.  

Alright, so I’ve explained my absence, the blog shift and what I’ve currently been focused on. I’m not entirely sure what ignited this wordly shift in me since I turned 25, but I’m not mad at it. I more interested in where it’ll take me and look forward to sharing this next step in life with you! Like always, my best points of contact are Instagram and Twitter.

Excuse me while I return back to the comfort of my bedroom.

#lifestyle #2019

[mysticwiki]

From This Point On || Maria Qureshi (read here on my Wordpress)

My go-to with writing is usually poetry and small stanzas of prose relating to feelings I’ve been having. I haven’t written many short stories in my life, however I decided I want to change that. This is a very personal story that took me a few days to write, but nevertheless I like how it came out. It’s my first original short story since the one I wrote for my creative writing class last year.

Anyways, here it is and I hope you enjoy! Thank you for reading!

It was late around one in the morning and I was losing all sense of time completely. After a long night of celebration, Mariam finally dropped me off home so I can sleep before she went back to the venue to help Ammi and Abba clean up whatever mess was made there. I was used to it at this point, this was the third time we had an event like this and it went by so much smoother than Mariam’s at least. It was expected that I’d go home, change out of these clothes, wash off the heavy makeup, and pass out until the next day, a day where all of us can finally relax until the next event. I had every intention of doing so in the first place, I couldn’t wait to get these heavy earrings off as well, but I couldn’t shake off the feeling that something bad might happen soon.

When I got to my room, the exhaustion finally hit me. I was so glad to be back in the comfort of my own space where it was quiet and there was no loud music and I wasn’t surrounded by countless family members, hyper children, and friends. I immediately took action to change out of the party clothes and into my favorite pajamas. I walked to the bathroom and washed up as quickly as possible and when I got back to my room, I threw myself onto my bed alongside my stuffed animals, hugging the one closest to me. I stared up at the ceiling and let out a sigh of relief. It’s finally over. Even if I was finally in the comfort of my own space, moments from tonight kept replaying in my head over and over again. It seemed as though every time I blinked, the image of my sister crying into my mother’s arms before she went into the car with her newly married husband would play over and over again. I knew I was going to miss her the most.

As a kid growing up with a first generation of immigrants in the U.S., I’ve been to countless weddings for family members and family friends and I think at this point, I’ve lost count. This kind of thing is really standard though when you’re growing up with such a large Pakistani family, especially when you’re the youngest of 4 daughters. The events are always the same: you’ve got two different families coming together to marry their daughters to sons and vice versa. The events are long and hectic, people get tired and cranky, and there are always those who get offended by literally anything, causing unnecessary drama. But at the end of it all, so many memories are made that you can’t help but maybe cherish it. It wasn’t until I started high school where I would finally be involved in them, in the intricate process of planning and purchasing of decorations, creating seating charts for tables, taste testing food for all the events, meeting future family members, and watching us grow larger and larger.

I’ve always hated weddings since they made me feel so uneasy. Even this one, the latest in the line of my siblings, left me feeling anxious and unsettled by what’s to come in the future for me. Call it selfish or naive, but I have never wanted any desire to have a wedding for myself. Or rather, I thought the idea of marrying someone I barely knew seemed obscure and a little suffocating. The amount of “wedding lectures” I’ve received from my parents (my mother especially) have overwhelmed me and, because of them, it’s made me pretty fearful for the future. My parents never made it easy for me or my sisters to find someone to love by ourselves. They were pretty much involved in every step of the way in my sister’s love lives especially. It’s common though, most Pakistani-Muslim parents don’t want their children, their daughters especially, from entering relationships. There was no such thing as having a boyfriend. And definitely, which is rather unfortunate for me, there was no such thing as having a girlfriend either. I suppose I was always doomed from the start.

—

First it was Naila, she got married when I was 15 years old and starting my sophomore year of high school. She’s the eldest, so it would make sense for our parents to push her to marry after college when she was 22. She’s definitely the most religious out of the four of us. Naila never complained, she just wanted to set a good example for her younger sisters, but I swear sometimes I saw a hint of doubt in her eyes whenever she would be with him. Needless to say, her wedding was the hardest to organize since it was also the first. It was successful in the end and she even moved a town over with her dearest. From that point on, she always made it a goal to visit us every day. She even turned me into the designated babysitter for little Leila as I went through the rest of my high school years since the others were away for college. Naila isn’t as discontent as she used to be, but I think motherhood is definitely taking a toll on her. Our large age gap has always made it hard for me to relate to her. She was more like another mother if anything.

Then it was Mariam, almost exactly a whole year later, who was also a year younger than Naila. Mariam got married when I was 16 and she was 22. She fell hopelessly in love with the son of my dad’s best friend and it immediately took off. They never dated, but our parents saw how well they worked together and arranged it. It was surprising to me, really, especially considering how excessively extroverted she is with her long history of attending parties she shouldn’t be at. I didn’t expect her to end up with a guy like Amir. My parents were so happy and even now I remember how happy my sister was on her wedding day despite the family drama in the midst of it. It made me hopeful that maybe one day, I would also be just as happy as her up on that stage while everyone takes pictures of me. It even kind of convinced me that maybe marriage isn’t all that bad, maybe I could do it. I mean, the outfits for these weddings are absolutely beautiful too, who wouldn’t want to wear them? She moved a state away with him, so I didn’t see her as often as I did with Naila. Her and Mariam have always been close to each other, so it didn’t make a big difference for me. Lately Ammi’s been giving her some trouble for the fact that she still hasn’t had her first kid yet like Naila, but Mariam is waiting for the perfect opportunity to tell her. She didn’t want to take the spotlight away from Farah.

I’m 18 now and on the last summer break before my first semester of college. Tonight was my last older sister’s wedding. Her name is Farah and she’s 22, the same age Naila and Mariam got married at. It was definitely the most emotional wedding out of the others, at least for me. The others were just happy that another one of us got married. I didn’t want to show it in front of her, but I was pretty upset about it. Just the fact that I wouldn’t get to see the sister who was closest in age to me, the one who was with me the most growing up, hurt me in ways I couldn’t describe. This was even worse than when she went off to live on campus for college. At least in that point in time, she never strayed away from talking to me every day. It’s when we started using Skype the most. At the very least, now it would be harder to stay in touch with her since she’s married and will be moved out for good. I don’t know how it’ll be not seeing my best friend all the time.

Growing up, she definitely fought a lot with my parents, especially when she wanted a job to sustain herself. She always won in the end though, and all throughout high school she worked. Even in college, she made sure to keep working so she can keep building, eventually passing the baton onto me. Not even Mariam or Naila urged me to work as hard as Farah told me to. Those two have always been in a different world than us. Farah inspired me in a lot of ways that was hard to describe, but her influence indefinitely reached me. In the mix of our other sister’s weddings, she got me on my feet to support myself and accumulate a sustainable amount of money through part-time jobs, babysitting, and even having me take advantage of my artistic skills for my own benefit. She pushed me harder than my parents ever did for college applications, pushing me to go for every scholarship out there and eventually having it pay off. If it weren’t for her, my parents would have never let me move to the other end of the country to attend school. If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t be getting that free ride that covered living costs at said school.

We both agreed how unrealistic it seemed for our sisters to be getting married so young when they were just getting their lives established, yet she fell on the same path, though in quite an unconventional way. I know she’s always wanted to have a family of her own, but not in the traditional way. I’m just glad she was able to have it her way.

She met Mansoor in college, they were in a class together. I wouldn’t say it was love at first sight, but there was an immediate attraction. Farah has always been such a determined and strong sister, it still amazes me how she found all the peace she ever wanted with such a simple person. They didn’t think anything would come out of their relationship either, but it kept growing. She always told me her secrets, things she would never tell the others. I was the first, and only one, to know that she was dating him. I knew so much about her, about how determined she was to build a future for herself, to get away from everything, and how she would find her own love without the influence of our parents. The funny thing is, which is more common than one might think, his father was classmates with our father back in Pakistan. When they found that out, our respective dads met again and it felt like a family reunion. Needless to say, wedding arrangements were made in the blink of an eye after Mansoor approached our father and asked for her hand. It all worked out for her. I just didn’t realize how quickly it would actually happen.

In exchange of me knowing all her secrets, Farah knew all of mine. She knew how I felt so different from the rest of our sisters. She was the only family member I ever outed myself to, but it never changed how she saw me. She always knew how much it hurt me, how I would never be like the rest because there was no such thing as having a gay Muslim daughter. There was no such thing as a woman marrying another in Islam.

The thing is though, I don’t think Farah ever realized how much I depended on her and her protectiveness and determination to watch me succeed. It was truthfully the only thing that kept me going during high school and in the middle of all the other weddings. Of course I’d see her again after tonight, I would see her in her own home with her own family that she’s always wanted for herself, but for now I was alone. I felt so small without her.

Feeling unsettled again by everything, I shut my eyes and turned to face the other way on my bed. It would be nice to just fall asleep right now so I wouldn’t have to deal with the rest of my family returning home and being so loud again. But as I was starting to get comfortable in bed to find the optimal sleep position, I kept hearing the rustling of paper the more I moved my head on my pillow. What was that? I sat up and blinked. Was there… something underneath my pillow? Unsure of what to do, I went with my instincts and slowly reached out towards my pillow and to my surprise, there actually was something there.

I retrieved it and brought it closer to my face and what I saw puzzled me. It was a sealed, floral-print envelope, the kind Farah used to send my birthday cards in when she was away during college. It was definitely from her, I immediately recognized her handwriting on the front of the envelope that had the words “To Aisha” written on it and a million questions started filling my head. What could even be in the contents of this envelope? Why did Farah leave it here for me? How did she even have time to stick this in my room without me noticing during the wedding weekend chaos? Maybe I should… open it?

I could feel my heartbeat grow faster as I stared at the envelope and I knew I needed to open it, I needed to know why she left this for me without any mention when I did see her this week. I carefully opened the seal, tearing it apart with my fingers, and the first thing I noticed inside was a small folded stack of handwritten papers stapled together. There were other things in there as well, but I was more curious about what she had to say to me in written form. I began to read.

Dearest Aisha,

By the time you read this letter, the events surrounding my wedding will be over and hopefully things are more calm for the both of us, especially for you. I know how anxious these events make you feel. If you happen to get to this letter before it’s all over though, I ask that you don’t mention anything you read from this with me until after everything is done. I don’t want the others to become suspicious.

You’re probably asking yourself why I left this for you, but the answer is rather simple. I know you’re never going to be like the rest of us, Aisha. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it must be for you growing up into a world that expects so much out of you. I wholeheartedly believe that you shouldn’t be afraid to be you and that nothing should stop you. No one truly realizes how forgiving Allah is after all, you’re not a terrible person for being who you are. I doubt Ammi and Abba, or even Appi and Appa would accept this notion, but I always have. You’re about to start college after all and it’s going to get tricky from here on out. You’re going to meet so many different people, some who might mean more to you than your own family. Maybe this little story might help you.

I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this, but in my last semester, I met another Muslim girl named Aiza who was in my major. She comes from a family very much like ours and had a couple of older siblings who were married. We became fast friends and she even joined my study group. She was an incredibly sweet girl and was always looking out for others. One day she told me a secret, something so alarming that she said you’re the only person I’m allowed to tell. It’ll make sense, trust me. Keep reading, Aisha.

When Aiza graduated high school and was preparing to leave for college, she found out her parents found someone for her to marry like they did for her older sister and even her brother. It’s how the story always goes, Aisha, the one they found for her was from a good family with a sustainable job, and he had good values and would provide her with everything she needed to live a comfortable life at home. She didn’t want any part of that. She knew from the beginning that she was also different like you. She knew it was what made her, well, herself. She also had a girlfriend who she was very much in love with (would you believe me if I said we went on double dates together in the past?). Aiza and Marina are honestly the sweetest couple I’ve ever met.

So what did Aiza do? She didn’t want to risk ruining her life or hurting the one she loved the most. What was she going to do being away from her family and at a college so far from home? For a while, she was able to push the marriage thing until after graduation and making a compromise with her parents. But the longer she stayed in college, the worse it was getting.

You might not like what I’m going to tell you, but it’s important. She took everything she owned, gathered every bit of money she could, and moved out with her girlfriend. It wasn’t hard at first, they purposefully became roommates at the college anyway. She could have used the excuse to her family that as roommates, they wanted a place off- campus to live together. That would have been the safest thing to do and lie to them, but not the ideal one. Aiza was tired of hiding who she was, so she told her parents everything. Her whole family found out. The semester I met her in was the first semester she had without family supporting her in any way. No one even showed up to the graduation ceremony.

As you can probably imagine, they didn’t take the whole situation well. No one in her family supported her and they abandoned her. However, despite it being a hard battle and it becoming increasingly difficult to just even live with these conditions of no extra support (financial especially), she told me that it made her stronger. She felt freer than she did when she had to hide herself. Finally she could feel comfortable and not feel guilty about who she is.

Now why am I telling you all this? Was it to make you feel bad? Not at all. It’s because I talked about you, Aisha, I told her all about my beloved little sister and just how much I didn’t want her to feel trapped. I told her how out of the four of us sisters, your values were placed in other things. Some might call it being selfish, but I’ve always seen you as being your own person. Aiza told me to tell you this, to help you in any way you can. She told me if

It was unfortunate that not one family member in Aiza’s life was there to support her at all, but when she told me that, it hit me really hard. It made me realize that I don’t want you to go through that kind of pain. You don’t have to go through this alone, Aisha.

I don’t know what path you’re going to take in the next chapter in your life, but whatever it is, just know that I will always be there. In fact, you have more than just me. Aiza, Marina, and yes, even Mansoor, your new lovable brother in law, will always be here to support you.

So with all of this in mind, it’s up to you to decide what you want to do from this point on, Aisha. Here, written in plain text, is my never ending support for you.

Oh, and, speaking of support— don’t freak out over the number on the other piece of paper, alright? I’m just giving you a kickstart in support, sis.

Best of luck, darling, I will never stop loving you. Spend it wisely.

Sincerely, Farah— your crazy older sister who never stopped believing.

Suddenly the exhaustion I felt not too long ago escaped me and instead I was a shaking, crying mess. What did I even read just now? I mean, I understood why she told me the story about her friend. But why during her wedding week? Still, the words were really sweet… If Farah were here right now, with me in person, I wouldn’t let her go. Hell, I’d even hug Mansoor and tell him how lucky he is to have someone like her. Of course she had to end her letter with a mystery. I don’t even know what “it” referred to, but I was still astonished. It amazed me how well prepared she was to still be there for me, proving that not even marriage can keep us apart. Even if she was married now, even before this whole thing, she was already planning ahead to keep making sure I was okay.

Before my tears made me an even bigger mess, I remembered there were more things in the envelope. There was the slip of paper Farah warned me about, but also a photograph, so I grabbed that first. The back of the photo was facing me and in black permanent marker the words “We love you, Aisha!” was written on it. I let out a laugh and shook my head before turning it around. It was a picture of her, Mansoor, and two girls holding hands, presumably being Aiza and Marina. Seeing them all together, looking so genuinely happy made me smile and it did cease the continuous tears that were streaming down my face.

The last bit of content from this mystery envelope remained. I took a deep breath and braced myself before I carefully slipped it out of the envelope. After looking at what it was, I immediately let go of it, letting it fall on top of my blanket right beside me, I and covered my now open mouth with my hands.

I couldn’t believe it.

The last thing that Farah left me was a check. The amount of money it had on it… surely it was enough to only cover a semester’s worth of education at my future school, but it was more than enough to help me get started on whatever I wanted to do. I’m not surprised that Farah has this kind of money in the first place considering how much she spends working, but I never expected her to set aside anything to help me. Plus it was a lot of money… just how long did she spend saving all of this up?

Before I even knew how to react or what to do next, I heard the noise of key against lock as our front door was starting to unlock followed by the voices of my parents, Naila, Mariam, and my brothers-in-law. My sisters and their new families have been staying with us lately in the mix of the wedding chaos. I quickly took the contents of the envelope, stuffed them back inside, and hid it underneath my pillow again before I lied back down in bed, pretending I was asleep. I didn’t want anyone finding that letter.

I couldn’t quite make out what any of them were saying except that they were all tired and couldn’t wait to sleep. The whole house became alive as everyone was moving about, getting ready for the night. I heard footsteps grow closer and closer to my room and suddenly my parents were in my room with me.

“Ah, she fell asleep without turning the light off again.” Abba said with a sigh. It was painfully obvious how tired he was just from his voice. I drew my blanket closer to me, nearly hiding underneath it. I wanted the both of them to leave.

“Don’t be so loud, you’re going to wake her up.” Ammi said to him. They didn’t need to check up on me really, but I guess it was the thought that counts. The footsteps grew fainter as my parents made the small departure to exit my room. Before they did, one of them closed the light and the other quietly closed my bedroom door. I was alone again, in the dark.

I opened my eyes stared up at the ceiling again. The fake ceiling stars Farah helped me decorate in my room were glowing so brightly in the pitch dark. Shifting my position again, I reached out and grabbed the envelope, holding it up high above me, covering the view of some of the fake stars and I let out a sigh.

I brought the envelope back closer to me, as if I was hugging it, and I smiled. I whispered out a small “thank you” before I slipped the envelope back in its original spot. And for the last time that evening, I readjusted myself to finally go to sleep. The dread I felt earlier seemed so obscure now that I had this escape. For once in my life, I felt bigger than I actually was. There was so much power for me in just a handful of pages. It was overwhelming, yes, but I started planning. There was a whole life out there for myself that I was missing and needed to be a part of.

I finally knew what had to be done next.

END.

#maria writes #my writing #personal #short story #writers of tumblr #can't think of more tags smh #ANYWAYS

[megcapulet]

Behind bars || Mez

Who: Megan Capulet and Oz Montague @ozmontague

Where: Verona Prison

When: 6th November 2019

Notes: Megan visits Oz to try and get some answers (unfinished).

Megan had hoped after the last visit to the jail she was prepared for what was to come.  If anything she was relieved that Oz had agreed to see her and that Tybalt hadn’t forbidden her from attending because regardless of what bravado she pretended to have if he had refused to allow her then she would have been forced to cancel.  While she felt the security he insisted on sending with her was unnecessary her thoughts changed when she arrived at the prison, a far more intimidating place than the jail had been.

The building was bigger, the guards all appeared massive and the security checks that she had to go through to get into the visiting area were far more thorough but she tried not to let it bother her.  It wasn’t until she was led into the room where she was finally going to see Oz that the full reality of the situation hit her.  She was told to take a seat and the glass partition in front of her made her want to scream.  Taking in the rest of the room she knew she needed to calm herself down so she focused on her breathing, praying silently that she could hold it together.

Oz: 

Oz felt despair like he had experienced at no time before in his life. As a child, life had been difficult and occasionally brutal. But he had his sister, Nox and even the occasional adult who took an interest. As an adult, he had experienced many challenges but he always had the net that was the Montague family. Leading them had honed his purpose and provided him a reason to work through his darkest moments, such as when his one and only attempt at a claim had failed so dramatically and painfully. Now, to know that people thought him capable of this … the murder of an innocent submissive … it broke something in him. 

As he was escorted into the visitor’s room, he slid into the stool and looked through the glass at Megan but it was a hollow version of the man he used to be. Taking a breath, he picked up the receiver and waited until she did the same. “Hello Megan.”

Megan:

There was something so different about the man who vwalked towards her.  She could tell herself that it was the situation, the totally unnecessary glass separating them or the clothes he was wearing but she knew that wasn’t it.  There was a change in the way he presented himself, not the confident and assured figure she knew so well.  He looked smaller somehow and the anger that she had felt, the things she wanted to say to him melted away and she desperately just wanted to hold him though she knew that there was no possibility of that.

“Hello Sir,” she replied.  Not Master, that was no longer appropriate but the fact she chose not to use his name surprised her.  Maybe in some small way she wanted to emphasise that he was still a Dominant, however changed he appeared.  “Thank you for seeing me.  I really appreciate it.”

Oz:

The title surprised him but Megan had always possessed an elegant manner. It was one of the reasons he had been drawn to her. One of many. His lips curved into a small smile although there was a lack of warmth or light in his typically bright gaze. “I have to admit that I was surprised to get your letter. I am …” He choked on the word slightly, clearing his throat, “so sorry for the pain you must be enduring. Are you well? Have you been taking your medication?” He couldn’t stop himself from asking. He could never stop worrying about her.

Megan:

Her face must have shown the confusion she felt as he immediately apologised to her.  That had not been what she expected.  Before she could respond though he asked after her health and her body tensed.  Taking a second she smiled weakly, “I’ve erm...I had a bit of a set back.  I was back in hospital for a few days but I’m fine now.   They just changed my medication again.”  She looked over at him as she said the words, knowing she could never lie to him and that to sit here and say anything else, for him to know she was lying would be worse than just admitting the truth.

Oz:

Oz sighed, “I was worried about that. I am glad they are monitoring it well. I hope you are remembering to take the recovery time you need.” He offered up quietly, knowing damn well she didn’t listen to him about that when they were together so he had even less expectation now that she would do as he asked. He loathed the partition. He missed the very scent of her and in this place, he couldn’t see that silken skin so close to his own. Or smell her subtle perfume. Sighing again, he continued, “You asked to see me so I am assuming it has something to do with you entering a new claim. I hope you know I only want you to be happy Megan. You don’t need anything from me to have that …” He smiled, this time more genuinely, “You never really did need much from me. Good thing too because I don’t have anything left.”

Megan:

“I have several people forcing me to do as my doctor orders,” she sighed though there was a slight lilt of laughter behind it.  “Disadvantage of living at the Estate is there is always someone there.”  He had already surprised her with his earlier questions but nothing shocked her as much as the assumption he had reached and she quickly shook her head.  “I’m not entering a claim.  My relationship ended several months ago.”  She bit down on her lip as she considered how much to say but in the end chose not to elaborate further.  “I was given back the deeds to the lodge and the villa,” she said instead after a moment.  “You kept them in my name?” 

Oz:

Oz’s smile warmed as he nodded, “Sounds like what you need.” He murmured, shaking his head. “Disadvantage? More like where you should be right now. With family.” That fundamental division had never been sorted in their claim. His family was never her family. “Oh… I apologize. I have to admit I am surprised.” He nodded, “I bought them for you. I was advised by the real property lawyers that I would need a signed power of attorney from you to sell them but I just … couldn’t do it.” He swallowed hard, “Of course, now you can do as you wish with them. Sell them, burn them down, whatever you wish. They were always yours.” he acknowledged with a nod. He had never been able to sell those properties, particularly the lodge as it brought back so many memories. The summer house was purchased with some hope for their future and when it all came crashing down, it had hurt to even look at that particular sheif of documentation. All that optimism crushed under the weight of the realization that he had not and would never be enough for her. 

Megan:

“We discovered that we were fundamentally incompatible, it was better to end as friends than……” She didn’t finish the sentence, the words were too painful.  His practical explanation over the properties was understandable but stung.  In her head he had kept them because of the sentiment but she had been fooling herself again.  Of course they had been retained for legal reasons, though she scoffed laughingly at his suggestions.  She knew she could never visit the villa, she had planned a trip there for them together but it never happened and the mere thought of the place was tainted.  Megan had already decided that she would sell it as soon as she could but the lodge presented more of an emotional connection that she still hadn’t dealt with or decided on.

His somewhat clinical reply reminded her of something else she needed to understand and she paused for a moment before she spoke.  “I need to know, to understand why you didn’t testify at your trial.  You watched me be grilled on our relationship, details of how I feel about you displayed for everyone.  All those others who spoke in your defence.  I don’t understand why you didn’t speak up.  Why wouldn’t you tell them your side?  That you never did her any harm?”  Her gaze sought out his steel eyes, “Please, I need to understand.” 

Oz:

“I’m sorry to hear that Megan. Truly. I thought you were in a good place.” He murmured quietly, frankly a bit surprised that it had not worked out better for the submissive. “But then again, you were always fine on your own and I’m sure you are doing well now. As soon as all this dies down, you can go back to your regular life.” Oz assured. That was what he needed to believe. That Megan wouldn’t be embroiled in this nightmare any longer than she needed to be. 

The question surprised him, “I appreciate your testimony. Everyone was so …” His mind flashed to Posey Capulet’s hysterics on the stand and a piece of him wondered if he was more the monster the Prosecutor claimed him to be. “There were two reasons …. I was advised by several competent lawyers that doing so would not improve my case or its outcome. Also … and most pressingly, I could not subject myself to cross-examination on Montague affairs. I quite simply had a great deal of information that revealing would hurt the family.” He met her eyes and a glimmer of the man he used to be resurfaced for a moment, “The family comes before everything, even me.” He broke the eye contact and looked down again, “I am sorry if you felt humiliated by revealing so much personal information with no reciprocal moment from me.  Is there something you wanted to know?”

Megan:

“Yes, things will settle soon and I will be able to return to my apartment,” she agreed.  There was no point arguing the rest.  He had told her the last time he wanted to imagine her happy and settled so she was content to let him.  She could cope on her own but it didn’t make her happy.  However with each failed relationship she was beginning to think that there was something wrong with her and that she would be better just staying alone.  However she did not share any of that with Oz.  The news of her relapse had been enough negative news for the one visit.

Her gaze met his as he explained the reasoning and she had to confess she had never anticipated the Montague family to be the reason he didn’t speak.  The annoyance that she had felt over him not defending himself ebbed away a bit more as she knew what he said was true, family came before everything.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t think about that,” she confessed quietly, appreciating again the massive role he had held.

Megan watched him for a moment as she considered what she did want to know.  “You don’t have to apologise to me.  I should be apologising to you.  As I said in my letter I’m sorry my words were not enough to convince them.  There is no way you would have harmed her.”  Brushing her hair back from her face she could feel her nerves gripping her but she wanted to say it, “I can’t begin to imagine how you felt about the whole pregnancy thing either.  You didn’t deserve any of that.  It was such a cruel ….trick isn’t even the right word, I don’t know what is.”

#ftf:oz #oz #chatzy:behind bars #behind bars #chatzy:oz #chatzy

[armyhealth9-blog]

5 Things I Already Regret Buying In 2019

New year, new me, new budget. Right? Well…not exactly. The start of 2019 saw me update my budget using brighter colors, smaller fonts, and more fun bolds and italics where need be. I was eagerly on edge towards the end of December waiting until I could make my first purchase of the new year just to run home and record it on my spreadsheet.

As all new years begin with a glimmer of hope and a chance to change for the better, I told myself that I wasn’t going to do any unnecessary spending. But, alas, just as those goodhearted folk who went to the gym the first two weeks of January and then petered in their determination, I left my dreams of becoming a “smart spender” in the past. Here are five things I already regret buying in 2019.

1. A 3-Pack Of Those Spiral Hair Ties

Spiral hair ties made their debut this summer, and at first, I laughed them off. I already own a normal hair tie. What is this squiggly piece of rubber you expect me to wear in my hair? It looks like one of those coils that lifeguards put their whistles on and then leave high up on their bicep. Why would I want that?

Then I met the most stylish gal named Cydney who wore hers on her wrist and she looked SO. COOL. She had different colors — browns, clears, pastels — and I thought they made the cutest accessories to tie an outfit together. I imagined how it would look next to my gold Casio watch and decided it was worth it.

A pack of 3 was on sale for $7.99, and the regular price was so hidden I had to guess that this was maybe a good deal. When I put one on my wrist it felt very tight — more so than your average elastic. When I take it out of my hair, it often gets stuck and pulls hard. When I type at work, I have to take it off my wrist because it is so 3D I can’t rest my arm down properly. I was at Nordstrom Rack the other day and they had so many spiral elastics that were larger, in different colors, and MUCH CHEAPER than the ones I bought. I was not impressed with my original purchase. Also? I found a larger pastel pink one on the ground at my work the other day and I took it. (Don’t judge me. I watched it all day when I passed in that hallway and no one came back to pick it up.)

 2. An Instagrammable Brunch

An old friend and I decided to meet halfway between our homes in a cool part of town that I don’t often get to. I originally suggested to just get coffee because I didn’t want to spend too much money, but after searching all the restaurants in the area, I decided this could be a good time for both a delicious meal and a great food pic. Unfortunately, the little vegetarian spot we picked was less impressive in person than it looked online. The $20 meal was lackluster, something I could have easily made at home. The cafe was empty except for us and one other set of friends, and although the hostess had their choice of EVERY TABLE in the place to seat them, the two girls got sat directly beside us. In addition to overhearing each other’s conversations, these other girls made me feel self-conscious for wanting to be a typical millennial and Instagram my meal. What if they looked over, saw me take a pic, and judged me?

3. A 10-DOLLAR TURMERIC LATTE

I’m currently on a 4-week restricted diet that followed an eight-week naturopathic pill regime to eradicate a stubborn case of SIBO (Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth). Because of this, it is very hard to eat out and my life right now is very bland and includes very strict meal-prepping.

A group of friends decided to meet for dinner at a trendy vegetarian/vegan spot downtown, and I pre-ate a dinner beforehand in the public library. When I got to the restaurant, I had no intention of buying anything, but eating with friends is one of my biggest joys and I wanted to feel like part of the group. After confirming with the waitress that the almond milk they use is unsweetened, I ordered a turmeric latte thinking I could sip it slowly while my friend chewed their delicious-looking meals. My latte came out before any of the food and it was in the SMALLEST cup I have ever seen. I was livid. Especially because I have the ingredients to make a turmeric latte at home if I really wanted one. But I didn’t even really want one! I just wanted to participate!

4. “Sleeper” Hoop Earrings

If it wasn’t obvious from the past few notes: I love a good trend! I’d been seeing lots of girls wearing little tiny hoop earrings that hug the lobe and look so precious. I wanted to look this minimalist and dainty, too! But all the cute earrings I was seeing on Etsy were a bit too expensive once you factored in shipping and tax. Instead, I went to a drugstore and bought some of their hypoallergenic “sleeper” hoops after I heard from a friend they would be small enough to achieve the look I was wanting. Sadly, I must have explained the look wrong to my friend because the moment I put the earrings on and reached up to feel, I found they were still much bigger than the tight baby hoops I imagined.

 5. “Mom’s Lasagna” Pizza

What comes to mind when you think of lasagna? Layers of ground beef, melty cheese, warm noodles, roasted veggies, ricotta, etc. Now imagine all of that on a pizza. Too good to be true, you say? Well, you’d be correct. “Mom’s Lasagna” was the specialty pizza at a classic pizza restaurant in my city, and I was so excited to eat two of my favorite foods in one. However, this establishment must have never seen a lasagna before, because this pizza was just cheddar cheese and ham. So. Much. Ham. If this is how mom made her lasagna, then someone should tell her she’s doing it wrong.

*****

Although it hasn’t been a perfect start to 2019, I think I’m able now to see that my fault when it comes to spending money is trying to fit in or to follow trends. What I need to do instead is start evaluating my purchases through a lens of “Will this make me happy?” and “Is this what I want?”. It’s all too easy to fall into a group-think mindset, but once you’re able to separate yourself from the zeitgeist, I believe that both your wallet and your sense of self will grow.

Hailey is a homebody. Follow her social medias @hailmast.

Image via Unsplash

Like this story? Follow The Financial Diet on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter for daily tips and inspiration, and sign up for our email newsletter here.

Source: https://thefinancialdiet.com/5-things-i-already-regret-buying-in-2019/