#Salt in Our Wounds *fic*

[viking-raider]

SALT IN OUR WOUNDS - CHAPTER V

Summary-> After being found out by the Patrol, you try to act the part, to lower the suspension on Gus's presence.

Pairing-> Gus March-Phillipps/Reader

Word Count-> 3.3k

Chapters-> I II III IV

Warnings-> PG-13: AU, Language, Deception, References to WWII, Use of the word Nazi.

Inspiration-> The one and only Chaos Major, Gus March-Phillipps.

Author’s Note-> This is a work of Fiction, pulled from my imagination.

Divider by->  @FIREFLY-GRAPHICS!

-> If you would like to get notifications for my writing! Just follow my Tag List blog, @VIKING-RAIDER-TAGLIST as well as my @VIKING-RAIDER-LIBRARY and turn on the notifications for it! It’s that easy!’ Ao3-> DRAGON_DWELLER

With the officers gone, Gus helped you to your feet, gently cradling your arm in his hands to look at the steadily bruising print on your bicep. His brows creased, as anger at the officer's roughness with you filled him again and guilt for getting you into this mess consumed him. Laying a hand on his chest, you offered him a soft, reassuring smile, nodding your head slightly.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, tracing the edge of the bruise with his thumb.

"It's not your fault, Gus." You cooed, brows pinching slightly. "It's not like you walked up here and asked us to take you in, We-" You looked at Edmund, who nodded at him. "took you in because we knew it was the right thing to do."

"So, he's not a worker from another village?" Your father's skeptical tone asked, as he regarded the three of you from his chair.

Edmund sighed heavily, rubbing the side of his face. "No, Pops. He's not." He answered, having not liked lying to your father to start with, despite it being needed at the time. Now he was going to have to ask something just as difficult. "She found Gus injured on the beach the other day, and we brought him in, so Dr. Tremblay could treat his wound. I know we told you he was working for me." He explained, moving across to sit beside him. "Now, however, the Patrol, and Trottier, think that Gus is her fiancé. We need to keep that story going. At least, until he's well again and, either they leave the area, or Gus can get back to where he needs to be."

"Can you do that, Papa?" You asked, frowning down at him, concerned for his well-being in the matter, knowing it was a lot asking your father to make merry with a random man who was pretending to be your future husband.

"Well, I have no choice in the matter, do I?" Mael answered, rubbing his shaky hands over his knees. "The mission has already been set up for me by the three of you. I'm just here as support."

"I'll make it as short a mission as possible." Gus replied, giving him a serious, but respectful, expression. "One Major, to another." He added, with a knowing glint in his blue eyes.

"I'll hold you to it." Mael stated, giving him a hard look.

"I guess there's no reason to finish the project downstairs." Edmund commented, sitting at the kitchen table with you and Gus, hands cupped around a fresh mug of coffee.

"Oh, I don't know." You chimed in, setting your tea down. "I really could use some shelves down there." You smirked, giving him a teasing expression.

Edmund gave you a squinty eyed look. "Use some shelves." He parroted, tapping the rim of his cup with his index finger. "Down-stairs."

"Mmhm." You nodded, brows going up, and giggling as Edmund's eyes flickered to Gus. "What are you looking at him for?"

"Wondering if he can get his fiancé under control." Edmund quipped, finally raising the coffee to his mouth.

"Well, I always heard, 'happy wife, happy life'." Gus answered, shifting in his seat, and glancing over at you. "So, if more shelves make her happy." He shrugged his shoulders, a gentle smile on his lips.

"Just because you give her everything she wants, doesn't mean she'll be happy." Edmund replied, an almost sour edge in his voice.

"Are you trying to compare me to Willamena?" You asked, cocking an offended brow at him.

Edmund finished off his coffee and pushed his chair back. "No." He said curtly, standing and striding over to the door, jerking his coat off the hook on the wall beside it. "I'll be back later." He huffed, going out.

"Is he all right?" Gus asked, look to you.

"Edmund will be fine." You sighed, shaking your head. "He and Willa, his wife, haven't been happy together in a very long time. So, it's a sore subject for him." You explained, getting up to take your and Edmund's cups to the sink, but glanced up at the clock. "I have to go down to the shop. We don't have anything for dinner in the refrigerator and I have to see when Remi wants me to work another shift."

"Is it far?" He inquired, coming up behind you and setting his own mug in the sink.

"No." You shook your head, biting your lip as you felt his intense warmth against your back. "Maybe a two minute walk."

"Why don't I go with you?" Gus suggested, cocking his head and smiling at you.

"Do you think you can manage with your wound?" You asked, a bit apprehensive. "I don't want you to over-extend yourself."

Gus's smile brightened and he reached out to squeeze your hand. "I'll be fine, I promise." He assured you, his thumb rubbing your wrist. "I could use the fresh air and sunshine. Plus, it'll help deter any of the Patrol, instead of making them more paranoid, if I stay inside a hundred percent of the time."

"You're right." You nodded, biting your lip, having not thought of what the Patrol would think of Gus staying hidden. "I'll get my shoes and something to wrap up in." You told him, before giving his hand a gentle pressure back.

"I'll wait for you here."

He let go of your hand and moved out of the way. Your cheeks felt warm as you hurried upstairs to grab your cardigan off the back of a chair in your room, pausing to fix your hair in the mirrored back of your vanity and spritz a bit of Soir de Paris. But you stopped, feeling silly.

"Acting like this is a date." You sighed, flustered, plopping down on your chair. fishing your shoes out from under the vanity and securing the buckles. "All right, I'm ready to go." You declared, coming back downstairs, finding Gus patiently waiting for you by the door.

"As am I." He answered, tipping his head politely, while pulling open the door.

"You mind her, Major." Mael called out to Gus, leaning forward in his chair to catch his eye.

"I would think of nothing less." Gus assured him, meeting your father's eye confidently. "I am her fiancé, after all." He quipped, with a wink, then followed you out. "Do we hold hands?" He asked, looking at you, but felt his heart kick at your startled reaction. "I'm only teasing you." He said softly, biting his lip.

"I know." You squeaked, flustered, before catching sight of your sister-in-law coming out of her home across the way. "Oh, that's Willa." You mumbled to Gus, before lifting your arm and waving to her.

"Morning, Willa!" You greeted her, grinning pleasantly.

Willa stared over at you and Gus, pulling a Rose-Tip out of her engraved case and her sky-blue enamel guilloche, sterling silver lighter from the front pocket of her knitted jumper. She didn't return your pleasant acknowledgement, instead lit her cigarette in a smooth and indifferent motion, eyes never moving off the two of you. Gus frowned, cocking a brow at her as he studied her standoffish demeanor; puzzled. She was just anti-social or if she was being rude.

"What’s her issue?" He asked you, his own eyes never leaving Willa.

"She's fine." You answered, sighing at your sister-in-law, your heart yearning to have a connection with her.

You had been excited upon hearing about Edmund courting someone; finally having another woman in the house to talk to, to share in the chores and just confide things to. Things you couldn't do with your father and brother.

However, from the moment you met, Willamena Badeaux had been distant from you.

She wasn't cold, per se, but she hadn't opened up with you either. Willa had been the first female in your close and personal circle, outside of the couple of elderly church ladies that would come over during the day. They would cook meals, clean the house, wash the laundry and just make sure you, Edmund and your father were well taken care of. After your mother had run off with her lover, the assistant shop clerk of the grocery store she frequented on her shopping trips. Which several of you figured were excuses to go and meet up with him; so she could cheat on your poor father.

But, the church women never went out of their way to be motherly or be a true confidant for you. Their love and friendship was out of pity. You were the little girl of a harlot and a mentally broken man, who could barely manage a job, dropping that weight onto his teenage son. So, when Willa came into the picture, you thought you would have a sister, not only to do sisterly things with, but to also learn how to be a woman. That's obviously not how it turned out.

She only came over to the house, if Edmund urged her to. She only held a conversation with you, if you were the one to start it and spurred it to keep going, otherwise she only spoke to Edmund or sat quietly. It only got worse, when the two of them married and moved into the cottage across the street from you and your father. Willa rarely came over for family dinners, meals you were still solely cooking for the four of you. Only occasionally getting a home cooked meal from her, after she and Edmund quarreled over her not performing her wifely duties and dropping the chores of two houses on you. As if you were their maid.

Part of you was sure, Willa detached from you, because she had been under the assumption Edmund only married her to be a mother figure to you. Not because he had been, once upon a time, madly in love with her.

"Do you need anything from the shop, Willa?" You asked, pulling yourself from sinking deeper into that emotional hole. "Gus and I are popping down there now." You explained, raising a hand and motioning to him, casually.

She stared at you for a long minute, before holding up her case, the sunlight glinting off the engraved bronze and mother of pearl. Nodding that you got the hint, you turned and started towards the center of town, with Gus following beside you. The sun was warm, heating the both of you, as well as the modest homes and buildings that lined the street, all converging on the limestone fountain round-a-bout in the middle of Saint-Thurney, spraying an arch of water from the top; a rainbow sparkling in the mist.

"This is really quite a quaint town." Gus commented, glancing about, following you across the sleepy street.

"It is." You replied, smiling up at him, proud of your little adoptive home. "It's almost like we're somewhere else entirely, instead of such a bustling and chaotic world." You told him, always feeling a sense of peace while in Saint-Thurney, even with a World War being waged around you and the town being occupied.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be." You added softly, stopping beside Remi's General Store. "This is the place!" You declared, waving your hand at the store's front windows, plastered with advertisements for goods he sold inside, several crate displays lined the bottom of one window. "You'll like Remi, he's super sweet." You smiled, reaching out for the door handle, only to have Gus beat you to it.

"Allow me." He purred, pulling it open and standing aside, for you to go in first. "Only proper for your fiancé to open it for you."

You gulped, biting the inside of your lip. "Right." You nodded, clearing your throat. "You're right."

Composing yourself, you went inside, finding Remi at the only register with one of the residents, Mrs. Moulin, the Mayor's wife. They looked up at you and smiled, before their expressions twisted into apprehensive confusion, spotting Gus coming in behind you.

"Morning, Remi. Mrs. Moulin." You greeted them cheerily, while trying to keep casual, like there was nothing out of the ordinary for Gus to be there with you.

"Good morning." Mrs. Moulin addressed you, her eyes still on Gus, as if she expected him to lash out at everyone.

"Who is this?" Remi asked, ignoring his manners, unlike her.

"This is Gus." You grinned brightly, looking back at him and your breath catching in your throat at the feeling of him taking your hand. "He's my fiancé." You declared, heart racing in your chest.

Both Remi and Mrs. Moulin looked floored at the announcement, particularly Remi, who you had worked for for several years and knew you'd never mentioned having a male suitor. Let alone a fiancé! So, selling Remi on Gus being your betrothed was going to be one of the other hurdles you faced, on top of the Patrol and Director General.

"When did this happen?" Remi snapped, dumbfounded and looking almost outraged. "You never mentioned anything!"

Gus rested his free hand on the small of your back, his eyes taking the other man in, sizing him up. "Keeping me your own little secret, Peanut?" He asked, a sparkle coming into his eyes as he looked at you, bashfully.

A zing shot through you, hearing him call by your nickname, your skin breaking out in goosebumps. "I have been." You smirked, bashfully turning your face into his bicep.

"How did the two of you meet?" Remi asked, continuing his interrogation.

"We knew each other from before she moved here." Gus answered, surprising you on how casually he came up with the fabricated detail. "I reached out to her just after I enlisted, and well, I proposed to her a year ago." He stated, smiling at you and caressing your back with his thumb. "Thankfully, she said, yes."

"Would you have gotten yourself shot sooner, if I said no?" You teased him back, getting lost in the moment.

Gus grinned at you, amused, but he felt something deeper. "Definitely." He nodded slowly, his blue eyes soft.

Mrs. Moulin gasped, crossing herself. "You were shot?"

"Yes, madam. I was." Gus replied, tipping his head politely to her. "That's the reason I'm here, and not back in Belgium; fighting." He stated, lightly touching his wound. "This lovely gem is taking care of me." He cooed, touching his thumb to your chin with a wink, making your knees a little weak.

"I thank you, sir." Mrs. Moulin said, straighten her petite body, then glanced around the group. "Fighting those damn Nazis."

Your mouth fell open, surprised to hear the ordinarily prim and proper lady, curse. "Mrs. Moulin." You mumbled, in a state of shock.

"Well, it's true!" She huffed at you, gathering up her grocery bags. "I'm sick of them being in my town, marching about, like they own it."

"I'd be careful with what you say, Mrs. Moulin." Remi warned, as she moved for the door. "You never know who you can trust." He said, eyeing Gus.

"Luckily, everyone here is trustworthy." You chimed, with confused surprise. "Have a good day, Mrs. Moulin. Say hello to the Mayor for me."

"Oh, I will, my dear." She answered, reaching out to rest her hand on your arm, looking between you and Gus. "You make a beautiful couple. You must let my brother, Zane, marry you when the time comes." She said, with a sweet smile.

Your cheeks blazed at her words. "We'll put him at the top of consideration." You promised her, offering her your own soft smile.

"Good." She nodded, patting your arm and gave Gus a cheeky wink, before scuttling out the door.

"Do I have a shift this week, Rem?" You asked, turning your attention back to your boss, who hadn't taken his judging eyes off of you.

"I haven't gone over the schedule yet this week." He answered, gruffly. "So, I'll have to let you know."

"All right." You nodded, feeling the cold coming off of him in waves. "Well, I have a bit of shopping to do for the house." You said, trying to shrug it off as Remi's reluctance to trust with the uncertainty of war, having lost both his brothers.

Gus stepped away from you, to grab a small hand basket from the stack by the door, holding it for you as you puttered around the modest aisles and freezers, grabbing a few items and placing them in the basket.

"Everything is so bare." He commented, watching you grab a box of oatmeal, only one of four on the scarce shelf.

"We're being rationed." You replied, sighing as you tucked a box of dry pasta in with the rest of your groceries. "Remi only gets a shipment of things once a week to stock the shelves. If you want something and don't get here early enough for it..." You trailed off, shrugging your shoulders dismissively.

“Suppose, being enlisted for so long, I’ve been a bit blind to the tribulations of civilians.” Gus frowned, his brow creasing heavily. “Not that I didn’t know about rationing. I just didn’t…” He shook his head, a hardness coming into his blue eyes. “Damned Nazis.” He growled, rolling his jaw.

You rested your hand on his elbow, looking up at him with a soft expression. “It is what it is, Gus.” You told him, quietly. “But it will change. We’ll beat them and everything will go back to how it should.”

“As it should.” He echoed, meeting your eye for a long moment.

What will happen after the War ends? No matter who wins. I’ll have to go back to the Army. I’ll have to leave her. Could I come back after my service? Would you want me to come back? Could I…

He shook his head hard, trying to shove the thoughts away. It was delusional to think such things, he was getting too involved and attached. He needed to keep a barrier between the two of you, to protect you against the danger he presented as an officer of the British Army.

“Well, what’s for dinner?” He asked, forcing that wall back up and peeking into the basket he carried for you.

“Um..” You cocked a brow at the basket’s contents taking stock of it and what you knew was at home. “I could make a simple stew. Wouldn’t be too much, but it would be something in our bellies.”

“I have faith in your cooking abilities.” Gus smiled, the sparkle coming back into his eyes.

“Kind of you.” You giggled shyly. “I think that's about all we need.” You said, biting your lip and glancing about the modest shop. “We can get rung up.” You smiled, heading towards Remi at the register. “How’s your Mum, Rem?” You asked, as he slowly added up everything in your basket.

Remi’s mother had suffered great shock at the loss of her two older sons, Duncan and Andre, who had enlisted and been shipped off to the thick of the war. Duncan had died in the Battle of Crete, taking shrapnel that nicked a serious artery and bled to death before anyone could do anything for him. The most tragic though, was Andre. His squad was ambushed by a German one and overtaken. It had been a hard time for many in the town, when they received the telegraph informing them of Andre officially being MIA. Every time Remi’s mother was seen, she was balling her eyes out and lamenting, prophesying that he too would die as her oldest did.

Two months later though, another telegraph arrived informing them that Andre had been found alive, but being held in a German Prisoner of War camp. His mother was relieved to hear he was alive, however she was still devastated to hear of his situation. Andre survived for a while in the camp. Two whole years, to be exact. But the fated telegraph ultimately arrived, one blustery day, and practically the entire town heard her screaming.

So, in that sense, you and Remi had developed a friendship based on an understanding of parents with mental health issues, inflicted by wars in some way.

“She’s doing all right.” Remi answered, not looking up from his task.

You blinked at him, ordinarily he would elaborate on how his mother was doing when you asked, even if nothing had changed about her. But you realized quickly where his reluctance came from, feeling Gus shift beside you.

Men. You rolled your eyes.

“Can I have Willa’s usual as well?” You asked, ignoring the thick air between Gus and Remi.

“Sure.” Remi nodded, half turning on his heels to grab the red and white, Rose Tip box and tucked it into the bag. “I’ll put this on your tab.” He said, setting it in your reach.

“Thanks.” You smiled uneasily at him, as Gus scooped the bag up and tucked it carefully against his good side. “I’ll check in with you tomorrow.” You told him, before leaving the shop and tracing your steps back home.

“What’s wrong?” Gus inquired, glancing down at you.

“Nothing.” You informed him, licking your lips and shaking your head. “Guess he’s just having a rough day.” You brushed it off.

Gus moved out of the cellar and into the cramped guest room upstairs, nothing separating the two of you now, but the wall of your closet. The two of you agreed it was much more agreeable to have him there than the cellar in the event the Patrol and the Inspector returned. They know doubt would, their suspension of Gus was all too obvious. It would also be more comfortable for him in the guestroom, giving him a softer bed, the luxury of sunlight and fresh air from the window that overlooked the back garden. As well as the beach, beyond the garden wall.

But as Gus healed and regained his strength again, he knew he had to find a way back to his men, and the war. He had to find out what happened to his men, if they were still alive. How he was to do that, was another matter altogether.

The last thing he recalled of the group was infiltrating a Nazi Intelligence Camp to rescue one of their own, Geoffrey Appleyard. They had gotten into the camp and things had gone well. He and his second hand man, Anders Lassen, moved smoothly together before nodding at each other and Gus looked back to Henry Hayes, jerking his head for the younger man to follow him. They moved swiftly through the camp, taking Nazis out left and right and making the camp practically useless for any that tried to use it again; with Freddy Alvarez setting up a plethora of explosives as a finishing touch.

Gus was proud of his men. No one had been seriously injured, beyond a handful of scratches. It had been one of their best in and out missions in the two years the unofficial, rag-tag group had been put together. That alone should have given Gus a measure of paranoia.

Missions should never go so easily.

The shot rang out and everyone in the group tensed, the jolly celebration that filled them instantly vanished as they dropped their looted goods and scrambled for their weapons, pulling out guns and bows. Gus hated being caught by surprise, especially by damned Nazis. He gritted his teeth, returning fire, while trying to assess the situation. They were a mile and a half from shore, where their boat was waiting to take them back to the safety of Allied Lines. There was a sparse covering of forest between them and their extraction point, that could give them some shelter. As much as Gus March-Phillippss hated being surprised, he hated running. But hearing Anders call out that there were too many and ammo was running low, Gus gave the signal to retreat to the boat, taking up the rear to ensure none of his men lagged behind.

It was him that lagged behind.

He felt the hot burn of lead piercing his side, faltering only momentarily, his eyes focused on the back of Lassen’s head, breath from his lungs starting to wheeze in his throat and his vision spot. Gus’s memory skipped in and out from there, like a scratched record. Spotting the boat ahead of the group and urging them forward, the heat of blood soaking into his clothing and his knees feeling like jelly. He couldn’t recall if he made it to or onto the boat with the others, then somehow fell overboard, or something more happened.

There were dark bits lurking in his mind of freezing cold enveloping him, no doubt of him in the Channel.

“Your father’s very into following the movements of the War.” Gus said one morning, sipping a cup of coffee as the two of you finished breakfast.

“He is.” You nodded.

“Does he only follow the major events or…” He trailed off, meeting your eye.

“No, he follows whatever is reported on or gossiped about in newspapers and the radio.” You replied, sensing his intent and sudden interest in your father’s hobby. “Why?” You asked, cautiously.

“I need to know what happened to my men.” Gus told you, bluntly and honestly. “I have to know if they’re still alive, dead or in prisoner of war camps. Perhaps your father has some information that could be useful to me, on that front.”

“How?” You shook your head, confused.

“I was injured during a mission.” He divulged to you, in a low voice. “It wasn’t an official or authorized mission, but there might be a possibility of it being reported on.” He cast an eye over his shoulder to the sitting room, where your father lounged in his usual spot. “Do you think he’d discuss it with me?”

You snorted at him and lifted your tea cup to your lips. “Do I think so? It’s more a matter of getting him to quit, once you get him going.” You said, taking a deep gulp of the rich, brown liquid. “But, yes.” You nodded, assuring him. “I’m sure my father would likely share any information he has on the War with you. Just wait until later in the morning. He likes to nap after breakfast, and he’ll be more receptive and energetic about the subject.”

“Excellent.” Gus smiled, patting your arm. “Would you like to go on a walk with me, to pass the time?”

“I think that would be quite agreeable.” You cooed, finishing off your tea.

#henry cavill #henrycavill #viking-raider fics #Gus march Phillips #Gus March-Phillipps #Salt in Our Wounds #Salt in Our Wounds *Fic* #Gus/You #Gus/Reader #Gus x You #gus x reader #Gus March-Phillipps x Reader #Gus March-Phillipps x You #gus march phillips x you #gus march phillips x Reader #gus march phillips/Reader #gus march phillips/You #WWII #wwii era #The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare!AU #WWII!AU

[atlabeth]

you’re beautiful — anthony lockwood

summary: a meeting goes wrong, feelings come out. you’d like to be sedated again, please.

a/n: so this started as part of “leave the door open” but then i decided i wanted something different (hence the wound dressing scene) but i really liked what i wrote there so here’s an entirely different fic! wow enjoy

wc: 2.5k

warning(s): reader gets stabbed, quite a bit of blood, couple death jokes, mention of not eating, hurt/comfort, fluffy ending tho

There was a saying in Lockwood & Company, courtesy of its namesake, that, if you had enough confidence, you could dazzle any ghost into submission. 

Nothing but facetiousness of course, but it was true in a symbolic sort of way. If you didn’t believe in yourself, in every slash of your rapier and every circle of filings and every salt bomb measured to perfection, then there was no use showing up at all. You might as well sit down and wait for the ghost-lock to set in. 

Lockwood’s words kept coming back to you every time you doubted yourself, his charming smile and eyes popping up in your mind, twinkling as he made you laugh. 

And those words were certainly echoing through your ears as you stumbled through Portland Row’s door, a hand still pressed to your abdomen when you collapsed. Your rapier, still holstered, clattered against the floor.  

George called your name from the kitchen, cheerfully oblivious to your joy. “You’re finally back! How did the meeting go?” 

When you could only groan in response, he emerged into the hallway and his eyes instantly widened. “Oh my god— Lockwood!” 

He rushed over and helped you up, propping you against the wall as his eyes darted all over. He took one hand away to push up his glasses, and you noticed he already had some blood on your fingers. “What in the world happened?” 

“The meeting didn’t go well,” you grit out, sucking in a breath as a sharp column of pain shot through you. 

“I could gather that,” George said wryly, and when you heard footsteps, you both looked up to see Lockwood taking the steps three at a time. 

“What in the world happened?” he asked brazenly, a wild look in his eyes. 

“That’s what I asked—” George said, and your breathy laugh was interrupted by a grimace. 

“The meeting didn’t go well,” you repeated. 

“I need actual details,” Lockwood called as he went off in search of the medical kit. 

“Everything was fine,” you grumbled. “But as it turns out, our lovely source Mr. Pallworth was more skilled in getting into trouble than actually being an informant. He was in debt to some even lovelier relic men.” 

“Oh, god,” George muttered. You winced as he put more pressure on your wound, having taken over for you. “I’m sorry, but this is so you don’t bleed out.” 

“Did you get into a fight or something?” Lockwood marveled, bounding back over with a white box in his hands. “Because it looks like you were stabbed.” 

“One point for Anthony,” you said groggily. “Mr. Pallworth ran off the moment he could, leaving me to deal with his mess. I was indeed stabbed. Only once, somehow. The relic men deserted when the police showed up, and I wasn’t far behind.”

Lockwood knelt down next to you, and he looked at you for permission. You nodded, and he pulled your shirt up to expose your wound. He did a good job hiding his grimace as he began to gently wipe away the blood, but it was still there. “Why did you come here and not immediately to the hospital?” 

“I don’t know if you remember, Lockwood,” you breathed, “but this job that we’re doing is not exactly legal.” 

“I don’t care,” he enunciated. “This is above our paygrade, and your life will not be on the line because of our lack of medical knowledge.” 

“We either have to help her here or get her to a hospital,” George said, “because if we sit here bickering, she’ll bleed out before we make a decision.” 

“I’d rather die here than a hospital,” you said.

“You’re not going to die here,” Lockwood said harshly, and his hands opened and closed into fists. You could almost see the gears turning in his head. He eventually let out an annoyed sigh and glanced at George. 

“Phone 999,” he said. “She’s not dying because of her stubbornness.”

George nodded, grimacing at the blood on his hands—your blood, you supposed, which made it worse—and he ran off. 

“I knew I shouldn’t have sent you there alone,” Lockwood grumbled as he started taking things out of the medical kit. 

“No, you didn’t,” you said. “We had no reason to believe anything like this would happen.”

“Well— I should have known!” Lockwood’s voice rose, and his jaw clenched as he got himself back under control. He continued to clean out your wound, and you could hear George rattling off information in the distance to the authorities. 

“You’re cute when you’re determined,” you said. 

“I am determined to not let you die in our foyer,” Lockwood said.

“The foyer.” You mimicked Lockwood’s voice. “So posh.”

“If she’s being this annoying, she can’t be doing too bad,” George said dryly. 

“Loopy from the blood loss,” you said offhandedly. You frowned as it sunk in. “Maybe I should go to a hospital.”

Lockwood heaved a very dramatic sigh as he continued to keep pressure on your wound. “At least you’re coming to your senses now,” he said dryly. He was still kneeling next to you, his hands covered in your blood, that wild look in his eye. “What the hell took so long?”

“I’m not…” you blinked the black spots out of your vision, “good with hospitals.”

“Well, I’m not good with you dying,” Lockwood said.

George came back over. “I’ve called the police—an ambulance is on the way.”

You groaned, half from the pain and half from the thought of the police. “We’re going to have so much explaining to do.”

“Leave that to us,” Lockwood said. For some reason, you found yourself grabbing his hand. He didn’t hesitate, his throat bobbing as he laced your fingers together. “Just hold on for a bit longer.”

You nodded, your mouth going dry for a moment when you looked at him— really looked at him. 

There was unbridled fear in Lockwood’s eyes, the slightest glimmer of tears. If you weren’t slowly bleeding out, if the black spots weren’t taking over your vision, if your grip on his hand wasn’t loosening, you might have been embarrassed at his closeness, at his doting.  

But apparently, you weren’t. 

“You’re beautiful,” you murmured. 

And then everything went dark.

-

You were assaulted by a barrage of lights and beeping, too-bright fluorescents and the sterile scent of disinfectant alerting even your still groggy mind that you were in a hospital.

There was something in your arm—multiple somethings, actually. A tube with a lot of red in one arm, and another with clear liquid in your other arm. Blood and an IV, you guessed. 

Right. You were stabbed, and one does not just walk away from a stab wound without a few problems. 

You weren’t dead, though, and that surely counted for something. You would have to thank Lockwood later, for his stubbornness beating out your own. 

“You’re awake,” a voice breathed, and you realized it was just the boy you were thinking about. 

Lockwood sat next to you in a chair pulled up at your bedside. His tie was undone, hanging around his neck, and he’d draped his jacket on the back of the chair. His eyes were slightly red, but there was undeniable relief sketched into his face. 

“I am.” Your voice was raspy from disuse, and you grimaced at the soreness in your lower chest. “How long has it been?” 

“A few hours,” he answered. He cleared his throat and moved to the edge of his chair, and your eyes followed the movement. He was holding your hand— he’d been holding your hand. “You— um, you had surgery. A small one, it didn’t take too long, but—” Lockwood’s voice broke, and he laughed mirthlessly as he shook his head. “It was scary. Terrifying, actually, but…” he managed a smile. “You came out the other side. You always do.” 

Your breath caught for a moment, and your grip on his hand tightened subconsciously. “I’m so sorry.” 

“What are you sorry for?” Lockwood asked wryly. “It’s not your fault you were stabbed. You did a rather excellent job fighting them off, actually. It could’ve been much worse.” 

“I’m sorry for putting you and George through this,” you murmured. “I worry about the two of you every second of every day, and most of the time it doesn’t come to fruition. This—” you laughed, which immediately turned into a wince— “I’d say this is fruition.” 

“I’m just glad we got you here in time,” Lockwood muttered. He looked at you, his eyes boring into you with equal parts concern and desperation. You used to hate that about him, especially when you joined, how it always felt like he could look at you and know every single thing. “You said the police showed up in the fight. You were obviously injured— why didn’t you get them to call an ambulance? Why did you risk it all to come back to Portland Row?” 

“I told you. The job we took on was illegal, and I felt it was going to be a much bigger mess than we needed to deal with.” 

“I don’t care how illegal it was,” Lockwood said stiffly. “You were hurt— you were in danger. That comes before anything else, alright? You come before anything else.” 

The intensity of his voice made you pause, unable to do anything but… look at him. His hair was tousled, no doubt from running his hand through it endlessly as he was wont to do whenever he was stressed. His undone tie and discarded jacket, his eyes, red from… from crying, most likely. He cried over you. 

When your hand tightened around his this time, you did it on purpose. 

“Thank you,” you murmured. “You’re probably the reason I’m alive.” 

Lockwood managed to crack a smile. “It wouldn’t look good for the agency if my employees started dying. I don’t have very many to lose.” 

That got a genuine laugh out of you, and you tried your best to ignore the subsequent wince. “Of course. That’s why I pulled through, to make us look better.” 

“Your efforts are much appreciated,” he said, that small smile still on his lips as he rubbed mindless circles on your hand with his thumb. 

The door creaked slightly as someone pushed it open, and a smile broke out on your face when you saw it was George. 

“I was wondering where you were,” you said. 

“Tea,” he said, lifting the drink holder with one hand and a box with his other, “and donuts.” He looked at Lockwood pointedly. “You’ve got to get something in you. It’s not exactly healthy, but the sugar will help.” 

You looked at Lockwood. “You haven’t eaten?” 

“I was preoccupied,” he said dryly. 

“That’s no excuse,” you said. “Eat your donuts, and as soon as we get home, George is cooking you something.” You looked up at him. “Right?” 

“Right,” George agreed. He handed Lockwood one of the cups and set the box on the table, and he smiled as he took a seat across from you. “You look much better. You’re bossing everyone around again—I take it you’re doing better too?” 

“Much,” you nodded. “Thanks for getting me here, by the way. I’d probably have bled out if it weren’t for you.” 

“Of course.” George took a donut from the box. “I can’t let you leave me alone with him.” 

“Oh, I would never,” you said wryly. 

“I’m surprised you’re willing to be alone with him after what you said,” George said offhandedly, and both you and Lockwood stared at him. 

“George—” he started. 

“What do you mean?” you interrupted. 

He made that funny little expression where he knew he said something he probably shouldn’t have, and he busied himself with his donut. “Nothing.” 

“George,” you deadpanned, “I’m the one in the hospital bed. I have pity points. Tell me.” 

Lockwood sighed and leaned back in his chair, though you noticed he still didn’t let go of your hand. 

“I’m guessing you don’t remember what you said,” George said slowly. “Before you blacked out, I mean.” 

“No.” Your eyes darted between the two of them. “Why? Did I say something awful?” 

“Not awful,” Lockwood said, still looking away. “Pretty far from it, I’d say.” 

“Why are you two acting so weird?” you asked. “Spit it out!” 

“You called Lockwood beautiful,” George finally said, and you just about died right there. “Right before you went out, you said he was beautiful.” 

You blinked. Looked at Lockwood, who didn’t seem to be the slightest bit embarrassed—god, was he smiling?—looked at George, who was this time busying himself with his tea. 

“You’re kidding,” you said. 

“...He’s not,” Lockwood said, tilting his head to the side. “You did do that.” 

“Looked up at him, said ‘you’re beautiful’, passed out.” George shrugged as he took another sip of his tea. “Quite dramatic, I’ll give you that. It drove Lockwood absolutely insane, too.” 

“George,” Lockwood said sharply, “don’t you have a phone call to make?” 

He chuckled. “Yeah. How could I forget?”

You weren’t even able to watch him as he walked out of the room, leaving you alone with Lockwood. You wanted to melt into the bed. This was the absolute worst way for your feelings to come out, feelings that you were content to let sit forever and never really reveal. Apparently, you couldn’t even almost die with dignity. 

“It’s alright,” Lockwood said. “You don’t have to be embarrassed.” 

“No, I do have to be embarrassed.” You stared up at the ceiling. “I do have to be embarrassed, because my last words could have been ‘you’re beautiful’.”

“Why?” he asked. “Do you not think I’m beautiful?” 

You groaned, and if you hadn’t been practically immobile, you would have buried your face in the pillows. “Get a nurse to sedate me again, please.” 

Lockwood flashed that irritatingly pretty grin as he took your hand again. You hadn’t even realized he’d let go. “Relax. I think you’re beautiful too.” 

You raised your eyebrows. “Even now?”

“Even now,” Lockwood said. “Always.”

“At least you’re not saying it half-conscious and dying,” you mumbled. 

“I think it’s better I’m saying it now,” he said. “You know I mean it.” 

You looked him in the eye. “You really do?” 

“What did I just say?” Lockwood chuckled. “Always. Forever.” 

You felt the heat creep to your cheeks. “I can’t believe this is what it took to get you to admit your feelings.” 

“It took this for you to admit your feelings,” he countered. “It took you admitting them for me to admit them. I never really knew you felt the same way.” 

“I guess I have a flair for dramatics,” you said wryly. 

“It seems so,” Lockwood said. “How about after all this is done, when you’re good and cleared by the doctor, I’ll take you out for tea. My treat.”  

“You pay my salary,” you said. “Everything is practically your treat.” 

Lockwood grinned. “Do you want to go on a date with me or not?” 

You smiled, and you pulled your joined hands closer. You pressed a kiss to his knuckles. “I’d like that a lot.” 

“Excellent.” He smiled as well, a breath of relief coming out of him, and he leaned closer. “Just remember that you don’t have to get stabbed to get me to ask you out on a second date.”  

#anthony lockwood x reader #anthony lockwood x you #lockwood x reader #lockwood x you #lockwood & co x reader #lockwood & co #x reader #reader insert #sadie writes

[itoshiexx]

make my way back (to you)

synopsis: after an argument that leaves doubts about the future of the relationship, the last thing you expected was your boyfriend rin coming to your doorstep to apologize.

pairing: itoshi rin x gn!reader | words: 1k | warnings: established relationship, hurt/comfort, fluff, making up after an argument, implied exes to lovers (?)

notes: hey guys! this fic is inspired by this list of kiss prompts, where @ode2rin chose prompts number 3, 11 and 38 for our bbg rin. i really wanted to try this out and mimi was kind enough to help by choosing some prompts <3 i dedicate this to you, mimi, hope you like it!

masterlist

“i’m sorry.”

to say you were shocked was an understatement. 

out of all the things itoshi rin could ever say to you, this was the last option you would expect. after eight months of dating, you were well aware that rin was not the type of person to apologize — mostly, he would pretend nothing happened and try to move on with your life as a couple, even if that usually rubbed salt in your wounds. 

though you could only endure so much of this behavior, and one day the thread finally snapped. the argument was the worst you ever had, leaving both of you with sore throats, teary eyes and doubt about the aftermath of your relationship.

so it was quite a shock to see him on a saturday night at your doorstep, all sweaty and breathing heavily as if he just ran there. you were sitting snugly in your pajamas, watching your comfort show on the tv with a tub of ice cream, trying really hard not to think if your relationship would still continue, when the doorbell rang and revealed such a sight. 

“i’m sorry,” he says again, breaking you from your stupor.

“rin, what are you doing here?” you finally find your voice to ask. “i thought you said…”

“i was wrong,” he interrupts, and your jaw drops again. not only was he apologizing, but recognizing his mistakes? 

he must see the incredulous look on your face, because he sighs and pinches the space between his brows with his fingers. this was way harder than it looked.

“i know what you’re thinking,” he continues, “but at the end, the answer is always the same: i love you.” your breath hitches. “i love you so much that i rather sacrifice my pride and overcome my fear of vulnerability than lose you because i can’t fucking apologize. and i’m shit at it, i know, but i’m… i’m trying. for you.”

your fingers that still hold the doorknob tremble, and you are pretty sure your eyes are welled up with unshed tears. you never thought this day would come, but here it was. 

rin was trying, and that was all you ever wanted from him. 

“i should have said earlier. all those times we argued and i was wrong, i… i should have said i was sorry, because i was. every time. i just didn’t— shit, i didn’t know how. i still don’t.”

he laughs a little, but it sounds strangled and full of pain. you decide you don’t like it. “maybe this is terrible, but i really hope it’s the thought that counts—”

“rin,” it’s your time to interrupt. his body goes stiff and he goes silent, gulping. 

“yeah?” it’s a meek little sound. he thinks it’s a bit pathetic.

but then you lunge forward, lacing your arms around his neck. your voice is nothing but a breathy demand when you say, “kiss me.”

and rin finally feels like he can breathe again. 

his left hand holds your waist tightly, as if you could disappear at any moment, and his right one cups your cheek in a loving gesture that leaves your legs trembling. then, his mouth is on yours, delicate, gentle, like you are the most precious thing he has the pleasure to hold. 

he kisses you like he’s scared to let go, prodding his tongue inside your mouth wanting to commit your shape to memory, twirling through every crevice and corner he can find. he is licking your lips like a man starved, sighing with ecstasy every time they welcome him further, because rin knows you are the closest thing to paradise he will ever find and that he’s not worthy of such heaven.

and he really hopes his kiss can convey everything he can’t manage to say. that you can feel on every inch of his plump lips that they are only meant to say your name, and that his tongue only wants to feel your taste. 

you do. 

when you finally part, faces flushed and breaths short, the smile that adorns your face is enough to soothe any of rin’s concerns, and he can’t help the little whisper of “i love you,” that comes out of his mouth before giving yours one last peck, chaste and full of veneration.

“i love you, too,” you say, squeezing his hand in reassurance. “and i forgive you.”

rin sighs in relief, “thank god.”

your giggle is like music to his ears, and he feels his heart grow tenfold with the way you’re shining under the dim moonlight. sometimes rin believes you can not be from this earth, because only something unworldly could make him feel so full of love to the point he could barely breathe.

you step inside your apartment, bringing him with you. “let’s go to bed, shall we?” your words are slightly laced with sleepiness, and he thinks you’re adorable; so ethereal even with your slightly disheveled hair, so he only nods. together, you walk the familiar path towards your bedroom, where you lay in bed and melt in each other’s arms.

it’s a little bit like a puzzle, you think, the way you and rin fit so well. it makes you feel safe and relaxed, and there is no other place in this world you’d rather be. it’s no surprise you fall asleep so quickly.

your eyes are already closed, but he whispers nevertheless, “goodnight, baby”. 

when morning comes and the sun seeps through the blindfolds, rin can feel you even before he opens his eyes. your groggily murmur his name, and then your lips touch his nose. 

“not your lips.” he can hear you pouting. “mornin’, baby.”

you try again, eyes closed, trying to find his mouth by tracing his face with your nose. you kiss his cheek, his chin and even the corner of his lips until rin finally has enough. 

even without seeing you, his mouth makes its way to yours easily, just like rin would always make his way back to you.

© 2023 itoshiexx. do not plagarise, translate, or repost any of my work on here or other sites.

#bllk imagines #bllk x reader #blue lock #blue lock x reader #blue lock drabbles #blue lock fanfiction #itoshi rin #itoshi rin x reader #bllk rin #blue lock fluff #itoshi rin x y/n #rin itoshi x reader #rin itoshi #rin itoshi x y/n #rin itoshi x you #itoshi rin x you #blue lock x y/n #blue lock x you #blue lock x female reader #blue lock x gn reader #blue lock rin #bllk #bllk x you #blue lock angst #itoshi rin angst

[olderthannetfic]

I'm beginning to realize that my closest fandom friend is... not a good friend, for me.

When they're doing well, they're awesome -the best beta reader, hype man, partner-in-shipping-crime you could wish for. The first year we knew each other, we'd talk every day, some days for hours on end, often getting really personal. I never before had anyone in my life who encouraged my creativity like that; they supported me in learning to draw, wrote pages and pages of concrit on my fics, seemed to genuinely enjoy my work... it was kinda heady. Addictive.

When they're not doing well however, they... disappear. And they have a habit of ghosting people, deleting their account, and creating a wholly new identity in a fresh fandom when they're "good" again. They didn't do it last time they went through a depressive episode... but they did do a big disappearing act for a bit, and the realization of how little our connection meant to them and how easily they could cut me out really... damaged something.

I've tried to let it go. But... their new "happy stuff only" boundaries (never share anything too personal or real -something they insisted on post-latest depressive episode), their habit of disappearing for days (even weeks) on end with no word (leaving me worried AF for their health), the fact that I clearly care more about them than they care about me... it's like salt in a wound.

And yet, I feel like I can't cut them out -their "good self" is the best friend I've ever had in my life. I just... feel incredibly disposable, and like receiving that amazing friendship and support depends on me having no needs, no sorrows, and existing at their convenience only.

I don't really know what to do.

Sorry for the giant text block T_T (Thank you for having open asks)

--

Drop them.

I think you're wrong about them not caring as much as you do. The pattern they're displaying is someone whose life is spiraling out of control, not someone who just doesn't care.

However, people who have a ghosting problem do not get better.

Not without multiple years of offline stuff changing and probably some hard work on their part that has nothing to do with you and that you cannot affect in any way.

You will not go back to the honeymoon period even if they decide you can talk about non-happy things again, and more to the point, they're going to ghost you again and again and again.

The way to make that stop is to stop being in contact with them.

[thelightsandtheroses]

seven: me and the devil, walking side by side

Your Hand In Mine | Joel Miller x female reader.

Chapter summary: an unwelcome visitor brings everything to a head Chapter warnings: Reader is a single parent to a teenager, mentions of breakups, discussions of cults/religious movements and violence within these, threat of a gun, tension, lightly implied panic attack/anxiety, 18+ blog mdni, Notes: Chapter title i

s from Me and the Devil, originally by Gil-Scott Heron but I have both this and the Soap&Skin version on my playlist for this fic. Thanks for all of your patience with this chapter. It’s a big one! Word Count: 5.4k

Previous | Series | Next

You’ve been through breakups before. It’s nothing new. Usually you like to be the one to leave before you can be left. That takes out some of the salt in the wound.

Your separation from Joel hurts though. It physically hurts.

Your chest aches, your eyes sting, you miss him. Every small detail brings Joel to you; a flannel shirt, the soap everyone in Jackson.

You’re not sure if it’s because you’ve distanced yourself from a good man - and aren’t those rare to find?- or the impending fear of The Junction. Perhaps it’s both.

On the moments that Joel is not haunting you, your past is.

Beau once asked you whether you were sure that breaking up with Joel was a good idea, if it would perhaps be better to bring him on side. That’s Beau; a survivor, pragmatic to his core.

You can’t quite find the words to voice what it would have meant to you to tell Joel. You still feel complicit somehow in everything that Ethan did, you realised too late, you didn’t stop him. There’s too much shame ingrained in your body for you to tell Joel.

The pain of the breakup feels like a suitable punishment.

“Anything?” you ask Beau as you sip your tea in the kitchen.

Beau shakes his head wearily. “No sign on anyone yet.” He pauses. “If I had to say anything though, it’s almost too …. clean. There’s no sign of anyone, sweetheart, anyone or anything.”

“They’re cleaning their tracks?”

“Probably.”

“Shit. We should leave.”

“We’re better off here than out there,” Beau replies calmly, “‘sides, we can’t just haul Gabe off in the middle of the night now. He’ll ask questions.” There’s an unspoken question - will you ever tell your son the truth?

“I hate this.”

“Me too. We’re going to get through this though.”

“Are we?”

“Of course.”

“Who were you patrolling with?” you ask, eager to change the subject.

Beau shifts uncomfortably. “Just -”

“Joel?”

He nods. ‘Did he notice the clean-up?“

“Things like that don’t get past him. He’s … aware of techniques like that.” probably for the same reasons as Beau. Their chequered histories made them survivors and in some strange kept people they love safe - Ellie for Joel, Sean and you for Beau. “We both commented on it. Joel doesn’t know about the junction though, he’ll assume it’s more like raiders. He wants to raise it in the town meeting tonight - I think he’d mention it sooner if it was more than just a theory. Maybe that can work to our advantage though.”

“How?”

“Well, if he says to Maria then she’ll probably put a stop to traders for a bit. That might protect us a little longer if Jackson’s more closed. It’ll give us time to decide on what we’re doing.” Beau smiles at you. “You and Sean, you’re not alone in this. You, Gabriel, Sean and me … we’re sticking together.”

You nod, sniffing loudly. You won’t cry, you won’t.

“There’s a trader in,” Esther says casually, smiling as you look up from your books.

It’s probably nothing, it’s probably just one of the usual traders who passes through Jackson, but that doesn’t explain why your blood is turning cold and your palms are sweaty.

“A trader? One of our usuals?”

“No, no, never seen him before.”

“Oh, really?” you ask, schooling your expression as much as you can. “What does he look like?”

“Not as good looking as Joel Miller, how you let a man like that go, I will never know.” Esther sighs and you remember that when Joel first came to town, Tommy had been trying to match the two of them. It hadn’t lasted long. You’d asked Joel about it once but he’d been polite, a southern gentleman to a tee so you knew even if there was a story, it wasn’t one you’d hear any time soon.

“Well, I’m sure he’d be heartened to hear your support on that. So, the trader?”

“I don’t know, he had dark hair and he - he had presence, a slight limp though.”

“A limp?”

“Uh huh. Shame really, and some burns but other than that …. he seemed real friendly, had a Victorian doll for trade too, might have some things for your boy. I heard a rumour about coffee.”

You walk past Esther, barely letting her complete her sentences before you’re heading out of the library.

Beau’s on the way to the hall. He’s in the stables and you can see him chatting with Ellie as you approach them.

“Hey Beau, Hi Ellie,” you say, walking in and smiling broadly. You think it’s a normal, false smile but by Beau’s expression, and Ellie’s, you’ve failed miserably. “Beau, there’s a trader at the community hall, want to go check it out?”

Beau looks at you and you hope he’s noticed how you said trader, how you all but winked and raised an eyebrow at the gesture.

“Oh, really?”

“We were talking about trading some of our old stuff soon, right? From back when?”

He definitely understands now. “Of course. Ellie, it was real nice talkin’ to you.”

Before you can leave, Ellie grabs you arm. “Wait, can you just wait a moment?”

No, you think, but it’s Ellie and you’ve already let her down so many times recently, that you nod. “Catch up in a moment, Beau?”

“Okay. I’ll be outside.” If you know, he’ll probably be working on a plan, just in case. He’ll be looking for signs of more of them. You and Sean told him about Ethan’s strategies, about his plans if that first gated community failed.

Ellie looks worried, her arms are folded around herself and it reminds you she’s still just a child, only fifteen. Younger than your own son.

“How are you doing, Ellie?”

“I’m sorry, okay?”

“You’re sorry?”

“Yeah, over the whole arm thing and the accident. I know it made you and Joel argue and then - and then you broke up. I know it’s-”

“Ellie, it was nothing to do with that,” you say vehemently, “Nothing at all about you. I promise.”

“Then why? I thought you liked him?”

“I did.” You do.

“I’ll never understand any of this,” Ellie laments, shaking her head. “Why not just - why’d you come into our lives just to do this then?”

You would have preferred it if she hit you. “I never wanted to hurt you, or Joel. I promise that. I’m - I have to go, Ellie, but I - we can talk more.”

“‘S no point. Unless, is there?” Ellie looks up hopefully.

You shake your head, digging your hands into your pockets. “Take care, Ellie.”

You have to get to the hall, you have to hope your fears are unfounded.

You can’t feel your fingers.

You know.

There are fresh flowers on each table in the hall; it’s a simple gesture, one that intimates the security, the homeliness of Jackson. It’s a place where you can do that again, it’s about living not surviving.

It clashes with the raging survival instinct in you, the fear that your home isn’t as safe as you hoped. The knowledge that everything is about to come crashing down.

What if they’ve already infiltrated? What if there’s been a Junction spy reporting back for months? They would despise you for what you did. They would demand your blood. But what if he …

You look over at the crowd around the trader and begin moving forward with Beau, each step in sync, his presence an unspoken crutch.

You hope you’re wrong about this.

He is not who you remember. That is the first thing you think when you see him. His hair is longer now with his limp, thinning dark locks tied back in a scraggly ponytail. There are more lines on his face, a vicious burn on one hand and you know underneath his clothes will be the hidden scars you left him with - you missed the first time. The second time you hit his leg though.

His eyes widen with delight when he sees you walk into the building. “You,” he exclaims, “At long last, we meet again.”

In your imagination, this scene always was more obviously like a horror film. In your nightmares, you’d be bleeding, taken, surviving once more. The scene was always in some abandoned warehouse, cabin or barn too.

You watched too many movies growing up.

However, you could have never expected this moment would happen in Jackson’s community hall. You could never have expected there would be an audience either. People are still milling around, looking at his potential wares, going about their day like the world hasn’t just ended once more. You want to scream at them, you want to call the insanity of this situation out but your feet are rooted to the floor with thick tendrils of fear holding you in place.

You notice Joel and Tommy at one table. Joel’s eyes look confused as he seems to gauge your expression.

You can see Sean standing near Maria. Sean looks so uneasy; almost grey, and you cannot imagine how your friend is feeling right now, you know he suffered in his own way at The Junction. His face is calm though, he’s planning, waiting for the right moment. You recognise the way his hands are shoved into his jeans pocket though, the way his eyes move wildly around the room when he thinks no one is looking at him.

Your legs feel shaky but you refuse to lean against Beau, to show any weakness in this situation. This situation has been a long time coming.

It’s been seventeen years. You are not who you were then. You have been shaped by him and the Junction, that is true, but you’ve become your own person again. Each tragedy, each win, each memory has sculpted who you are at this moment, has trained you for this moment.

Beau whispers your name, gives you choices on how you play this. He’s on your side, that’s clear, that’s beyond question. Part of you wants to hand the situation over to him, to let Beau deal with it while you bury your head in the sand once again.

That’s not possible though.

You wonder if it’s only the four of you who are aware of the tension at this moment. It’s a secret that your neighbours and friends can’t see, that you never wanted them to see.

And Joel -

Everyone is in danger now.

“Hi honey,” Ethan says loudly with a smile, “It’s been a while. Why don’t you come on over and say hi to your husband now?”

His words have the desired effect; everyone stops, everyone stares, heads moving in a ripple of movement throughout the hall.

Next to Sean, Maria’s smile fades and her face hardens. You hear the hushed whispers around you as they realise Ethan is looking and talking to you.

It’s Joel you want to look at though. You feel drawn to him like Orpheus, knowing you can’t look and desperate to all at once. You remember how he was unable not to turn around in those Greek myths, how you’d argued in class it was foolish and inevitable all at once.

Is this you now? Are you the damned, foolish one? Is your failure, your doom, inevit

Seeing Ethan solidifies everything; Joel is the person you love, the man who loved you and you have lost him because of your secrets and past, in a foolhardy attempt to protect Gabriel.

Gabriel. He’s nowhere to be found as you look around you and you’re grateful for that. You can protect him for just a few more minutes.

Instead of your son, instead of Ethan, you finally allow yourself to glance at Joel. Joel’s face is pulled into a frown and he looks … hurt. You’ve hurt him once again.

You can imagine his thoughts right now - he’ll be wondering why he bothered to trust you, how you hid this from him and why.

“I -” you stutter words, your mouth opening and closing without making any sense. You exhale slowly. “How’s your leg?”

Sean bursts out laughing. It’s a strange, mangled giggle borne of surprise and worry that immediately stops as people look at him.

“So how’s that how we’re playing things, huh?”

“This isn’t a game, Ethan.”

“Isn’t everything you do a game?”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t - you were married, you were married to him?” Tommy exclaims, looking at Joel and then you in the vain hope one of you will provide an answer. There’s an unspoken conversation between the two brothers, one clearly Tommy isn’t happy about. “Who is he?” Tommy says your name in a low voice, imploring you to confide in him.

“He shouldn’t be here, he needs to leave.”

“I need to leave?” Ethan asks, an unreadable expression on his face. “So you haven’t told them anything about who you really are then? They don’t know there’s a fox in the chicken coop?” He says your name, tutting with disappointment.

Whispers carry around you like leaves in the wind. You’re not sure what people are thinking right now. You’ve been too quiet, too secretive, it would be easy to wonder who you really are. In another world, maybe this is who would have been - his dutiful wife and spy.

You notice Maria saying something quietly to Tommy, how the two of them are subtly clearing the hall of bystanders. Joel is staring between you and Ethan with a blank face.

Do they think you’re a victim or the perpetrator in this scenario? You notice Beau take the smallest step forward, readying himself for something.

“I don’t think this conversation is serving our community right now,” Maria says flatly.

“Hey Joel,” you hear a familiar voice call. ”Has the trader got anything good? You better not have traded like half of everything you own for coffee again. I honestly don’t get the whole coffee thing anyway, it tastes like burnt- ” Ellie’s voice breaks off.

Your heart races as Ellie, Jesse and to your horror Sean walk into the community hall, completely oblivious to what’s happened but seemingly starting to realise that something is going on.

“Not now, Ellie,” Joel gruffly says.

���What’s uh -” Ellie breaks off.

Ethan is staring at Gabriel and your heart sinks. For sixteen years, you have convinced yourself that Gabriel doesn’t look like Ethan, that there’s no passing resemblance at all.

There is though.

You see it now and it feels like a glaring beacon, another lie come home to roost. A truth you couldn’t avoid forever. He’s yours, you know that, but together in the same room you can see the similarities.

“Mu-” Ethan begins warily, noticing the tension around the room. He looks alert, worried, ready to do whatever is necessary. That’s how it is in this world - you have drummed survival into him from an early age. It feels antithetical though, that the child you want to protect and nurture knows how to fight, how to endure this world you placed him into.

Sean immediately takes a step towards him, but Joel’s there first, a strange look in his eyes. “You need to go home, all of you. Now.”

“But -”

“No arguments, Ellie.” His tone is firm. To anyone else, they would think him a strict parent, a firm, resolute man who accepts no arguments. You can hear the worry though, the slight fear in his voice that Ellie is here. That you have endangered her. Endangered everyone.

“Ergh,” Ellie says but she holds her hands up and takes a step backwards exit with Jesse. She looks over at you and then Ethan and then Gabriel, a frown forming on her face and then she pauses.

“Well, isn’t today full of revelations,” Ethan says in a wonderstruck tone. “It’s curious. He really does look -”

“Oh fuck off.”

It’s enough though. Those few words and you realise Gabriel is putting things together. The betrayal and fury in his eyes eviscerates you.

You look at the ground, hearing the shudder of your breath. No. No.

“Holy shit,“ you hear Ellie mumble under her breath.

“Ellie!” Joel says, the desperation starting to become clearer.

How much does our -” Ethan continues.

“Ethan, shut the fuck up and just go,” Sean interrupts.

“You’ve got braver on the outside. It’s a shame you showed none of this in the Junction when -”

“Thank you for stopping by,” Maria says, her voice even and cool, “It’s time you head on out now though.”

Joel clasps Gabriel’s shoulder so he can’t pass, can’t get any closer to the chaos around you.

“Leave, huh? Well, I think that perhaps you’re mistaken. I didn’t just come here for my son after all.” Ethan sighs. “It’s been a hard winter.”

Joel tightens his grip on Gabriel’s shoulder. Beau and Tommy exchange a look.

You wish you had a weapon, had something to stop this.

You shouldn’t have missed the first time, you shouldn’t have aimed for his leg the second time either.

“So, how many settlements have you been through now?” Sean asks in a nonchalant tone. “I think after two or three, it really says more about -”

“The Junction goes where it is needed. I have heard it is needed here.”

“We don’t need the Junction here,” you say quietly. “No one needs that.”

“You’d rather be damned?”

“If the alternative is an eternity with you, with pleasure,” you say icily.

You hear a slight snort of laughter and turn to meet Joel. He’s still resting a hand on your son’s shoulder, but he’s looking at you. He nods, a subtle gesture anyone else might have missed but that fills you with relief.

You might get through this.,

“You got your fire back, I’d almost forgotten. Now, what was it you used to say when we discussed this. When we discussed what to do about reluctant participants, people who didn’t know they needed to be saved? You remember this is the nice way? It could have been very different after all, but I am here offering magnanimous absolution, even to you.”

“I don’t need your absolution. I don’t need anything from you but for you to go now. For you to leave this settlement, leave these people alone. That’s what all of them need, to be away from you.”

“You think it’s right that they’re here without the Junction’s Word, but maintain all these resources while your own-”

“Leave. While you can,” you say flatly.

“Do these people even know you?”

“You need to go, Ethan, now,” Sean says firmly. “We said we don’t need the Junction here. This can end amicably.”

“Amicably?”

“Yeah, no need for it not to, right? Democracy over depravity - that’s the Junction’s way, right? The old ways, the right ways as you used to call it.” Sean’s face twists into a tormented grimace at those words.

Beau scowls and you realise that while you’ve kept the Junction in a box for seventeen years, Sean hasn’t. He has told Beau, he has talked about it. It’s you who has been stuck.

“You dare speak of the ways when you -“

“Just go, now. Sean’s right,” you say firmly.

“Amicably, is that what he said?” Ethan asks, regarding you again with a scornful expression that turns your blood so cold, you’re amazed you’re not exhaling ice. “Amicably.”

“Ellie, all three of you, I am not playin’” you hear Joel say in a deadly tone.

The three teenagers make a move to leave, relief flooding your veins as you gratefully nod at Joel.

Gabriel is the last to leave, he hangs back until Joel nods at him firmly, but as he moves to the door - he’s almost gone, he’s almost safe - there’s a sound.

“Nope,” Ethan says coldly, “He stays.”

You look at Ethan, at the gun in his hand, pointed directly at you.

“Mum?” Gabriel asks, his voice shaky.

“I thought Eugene fucking searched the traders,” Joel yells at Tommy or Maria, or perhaps you or Beau. All you can see is the barrel.

You’ve always known how this is ends for you.

“You should leave now,” Joel says in a deadly tone. For a moment you’re not sure if he’s talking to you or Ethan. You spin around, meeting his gaze desperately.

His hand on Gabriel is firm enough to stop him from either fleeing or running towards Ethan. You notice the way his muscles are slightly tensed, not too tight, but you make out his vein snaking down his arm.

You’ve mentally prepared for a dozen reactions to what is going on around you: disgust, hatred, pity, but you didn’t expect what meets you. Joel’s face is steely, poised to fight but a flash of fear passes his eyes when you connect with them. He is afraid for you, he is worried. There is no hatred, no disgust, nothing you expected.

He is not asking for you to leave. He is trying to protect you.

It’s like a lead balloon in your stomach. Maybe, maybe you could have said something all this time ago.

“Trust me, she’s not worth it,” Ethan says conversationally. “This settlement, my son? Now those are different stories.

“Are there others here?” you ask suddenly as you piece more of the day together. You can barely recognise your flat voice, the way you’re not entirely in your own body any more. You’re existing, and now you know that because you’ve finally been living and now you know what that is, you’ll lose it all*. “Did they help you keep the gun?”* Someone could be here from the Junction and you need them gone too.

Ethan pivots, takes a couple of steps forward and turns around the room, observing the rapt, frozen crowd around you both. It transports you instantly to dusty rooms, to a younger, more vibrant man you thought wanted to do something good in the world. It takes you back to a place you wanted to belong in, to a time you believed and hung off every single word he said.

“Others?”

“Yes, are they already here?”

“Why would -”

“I know your plays, I know them all.”

“Do you?”

You stare blankly at him, raise an eyebrow slightly. “No. I thought I did, but I didn’t. I thought you were someone else.”

“I am the voice of -”

“You’re a tyrant, a hypocrite and a snake oil salesman all wrapped up. You don’t speak a word of truth and you never have.”

“I’m the vessel, and so is my -”

“If you speak about my son, I will rip you apart so violently it will make the infected look tame.”

“You didn’t have these teeth before. What a pity. It would have been useful.”

“Go.”

“We’re past that.”

You realise he’s right. He’s in Jackson now, this ends one of two ways. Tommy and Joel, they can’t let him leave like this. You can recognise the desperation in his eyes, the hunger, the plans and strategies.

“You’re my wife. I am not going without you and my son.”

“We’re staying here.”

“No. I’m not,” Gabriel says, “Not with her.”

“Gabriel, shut up,” Sean snaps uncharacteristically. “Just leave it now.”

“My son ”

“You want to talk about the Junction? Let’s talk about it then. Gabriel, did you want to grow up in a place that would kill you if you -” You zone out as Sean continues, unable to fully bear the full truth of life in the Junction being exposed to the people around you.

You remember being hungry so much, the fear of breaking a new rule or tenet that your husband came up with. You remember how the inclusive, welcoming commune it was supposed to be shifted. How it became radicalised, against any sign of difference or subversion of what Ethan thought a person should be like. You remember the sexism, the way your voice began to become quieter and quieter.

You remember that Ethan scared you, that his move to the Vessel was antithetical with everything you knew about him. How his words, his dreams became literal, how he looked like he hated you by the end. You remember the violence of the Junction, you remember the lack of excuses.

In some ways, in many ways, it was worse than Kansas.

“Did I physically harm you? Did I not lead you to salvation, to the tenets of hope?” Ethan asks, a dangerous glint in his eyes.

“The tenets? The ones that started off just close enough to normal and then suddenly you decreed that women couldn’t wear trousers because it affected the crops, or that if I spoke unless spoken to it would damn me, or that declared you the sudden voice of hope, or a - they never held hope, your rules. Not for anyone but you. You were dangerous, you are dangerous. You harmed us all without laying a finger, that was the beauty of your plan, right?”

“You never said a word to stop me from this though, did you? In fact, you -”

“I’m not finished, Ethan. You’re not a good person, Ethan, and I will never regret keeping my son from your dangerous, frankly nonsensical shit. That’s being a parent. So tell us who’s inside, who’s helping you and maybe we can figure a way out for you to leave.”

“You and I know they won’t let that happen. Do you remember the plan for then?” He laughs then. “I’m leaving and i’m leaving with my son. He’s the future of the Junction.”

“There is no way in hell that will ever happen.”

“He wants to. I can see it in his eyes.”

“No, Ethan, you know how this is going to end.”

Ethan sighs and nods. You exhale shakily and then look up as you hear the sound of the gun load. “Then I’ll take you with me to the eternal life instead.”

You don’t shut your eyes. You don’t look down. You will not cower for him.

You wanted to live. You’ve had more years than you expected. You wish you had more. It was always going to end this way though.

He will have to look at you. You will not make this easy for him.

“No, Mum -” your son’s voice is enough to make you waver, but perhaps, perhaps everyone else can keep him safe. If Ethan kills you, maybe they’ll protect him. It’s fine.

It’s fitting.

It was always going to be this way.

You wish you were outside though. perhaps by your bench and that quiet sanctuary you found. You want to hear birdsong, feel the sun on your skin one last time. You want to breathe in the fresh air and remember that.

Maybe they can scatter your ashes on the bench.

The bench bought you so much - peace on nightmare ridden nights, Joel, the difference between surviving and living. If it wouldn’t make Ethan happy, you’d tell Gabriel that now, or Sean. It’s too much for Gabriel.

Perhaps Joel knows. You hope he does. You hope he doesn’t.

You’re sorry. So sorry these people you love have to see this, have to mourn you. You should tell Gabriel you love him one more time, but you don’t want to burden him.

There’s a sudden crash, you feel yourself hit the floor and you finally allow yourself to shut your eyes as the gun goes off.

You expect to feel pain, to feel warm or cold, or something. Instead there’s nothing.

There are hands around you, pulling you away, words - Joel? Is she hurt? Did it get her? Words fade in and out. Something’s gone wrong. This doesn’t feel like death.

You open your eyes.

Ethan is on the floor and unconscious. Joel is shaking his fist and Beau squeezes your shoulders before heading over to a shaken looking Sean. Next to him, your son stares at the floor.

“So yeah, we used to be in a cult,” Sean says, running a hand over his hair and shaking his head.

You hear an almost laugh, a polite but awkward acknowledgement, from maybe Tommy or Beau, but you’re still glued to the floor, still reeling from this day.

You feel eyes on you and look up to meet your son’s gaze. Gabriel looks at you as though he has never seen you before, through you in fact, and immediately runs out of the room.

“Wait, Gabriel.” You make a move to go after him, to explain. If you can just talk to him, then maybe it will be enough. You shouldn’t have avoided this, you should have told him this.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I’ve got him,” Sean says, moving quickly.

“Where do we put him?” you ask flatly, staring at the unconscious form in front of you.

“The jail,” Maria says quietly. “The jail, Joel.”

“Guess we’ll finally use it,” Tommy replies.

“He can’t stay,” Joel says. “Tommy, he’ll -”

“I know, brother, I know.” Tommy looks down and then at Maria whose lips are pursed.

“He tried us,” Maria says, “We have to do what we have to do.”

“I’ll handle it,” Joel says calmly, authoritatively. He isn’t looking at you and you feel ashamed of what you have bought into his life. Blood, anger, pain. He’s bought you peace and calm and love and this is how you repay him?

“Me too,” Beau replies calmly, examining his nails in a pseudo casual pose. “It won’t be a problem at all.”

The two of them each grab one of Ethan’s unconscious arms, dragging him outside and towards the bank. Beau nods at you on his exit.

They’ve left you. Sean and Gabriel are outside somewhere, Joel and Beau are gone and while Tommy and Maria are here, they are not your people.

You feel empty and numb. You brace the edge of the table and fight back the racking, great gasps of breath as shock courses through your body. You’ve been fighting tears, fighting back the fear and emotion of the past weeks.

It wasn’t just this moment, it wasn’t just today. It was the anticipation, the fear, the secrets that have lasted seventeen years.

“You need to let Gabriel, Sean and Beau stay,” you say, “I know you won’t want me here and I’ll go. I’ll go, but please let me see them from time to time. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry because I bought them here with my secrets and I’m sorry, Maria, please, please know that -” You cough, a sob Breaking through. “Please don’t make them leave too.”

“We’re not making you leave, we still want you here,” Maria says in a gentle voice. She’s looking at you in the same way as someone would a startled deer, trapped in the headlights. “We need to understand more - if you’re right, if there’s anyone here, what we need to worry about it, what this - this group could do. You can help though. And you’re not leaving. This is your home, you didn’t do anything -”

You feel warm, soft hands around you, hear soothing sounds as you finally allow yourself a moment to feel.

Tag List

YHIM: @orcasoul@pedropascalsbbg @yoursoulsunbreakable @iamskyereads @genetics4life @everyth1ngfan @frickatives @perennialdoll247 @joelsgreys @pedrobaby @missladym1981 @noisynightmarepoetry @picketniffler @titlee78

Everything Pedro tag-list: @harriedandharassed@pedrostories@hiroikegawa @pedrosaidsheispunk @pastelnap

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x female reader #joel miller #the last of us fanfiction #pedro pascal character #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us #your hand in mine fic #fic: your hand in mine

[adorethedistance]

First I Love You - Jamie Drysdale x Reader

Hockey Masterlist

Warnings: swearing, mentions of anxiety, sexual references.

Words: 1677

Summary: First I Love You - After a day that gets increasingly worse, Jamie plans a date night to indirectly celebrate your two-month anniversary.

A/n: Cherry is back with a fic after a month of radio silence in typical aodre the distance fashion lol. Anyway! This has been in my drafts forever and I hate it, I can't proof it due to writer's block, and I'm honestly just done staring at it so here ya go!

You can read part 1 of the series of firsts here. The next and final first on the list is first time which is of course gonna be a lil smutty. I might write some Trevor pieces in the interim just depending how I'm feeling.

Today is just one of those days. My class ran much longer than usual and I had to stay after to ask my professor questions before the midterm that night, then I didn’t have time to make myself lunch so I grabbed the pizza rolls from my freezer to heat up at work, then I burned the pizza rolls beyond consumption and did not have any back up food, then I was starving and stressed and unable to use my time at work to study for the exam. I was crying in a puddle of stress and tears. And Jamie didn’t miss a beat. 

Upon hearing how horrible my morning and afternoon had been, he ordered my usual meal from In-N-Out and brought it to me at work so I wouldn’t starve. Then, he offered to make me dinner after I finished my midterm and I tearfully and appreciatively accepted. These little actions of consideration are what have made me fall deeper and deeper in love with Jamie. 

We reached our two months anniversary today but I didn’t make a big deal about it. I feel weird about potentially being one of those couples that celebrates every tiny little milestone like it’s the biggest thing in the world. Still neither of us have said “I love you” yet. But if Jamie continues caring for and about me like this, I’m not sure much longer I can hold it in. That’s why I decided I would tell him tonight.

After cooking dinner for the two of us, and pouring a congratulatory glass of wine to celebrate the 95 I got on my midterm, we laid down on the couch together. Happy and fed, I rest my head on the expanse of his broad chest. Jamie presses a kiss into my hair, bringing his left arm to drape over my shoulders.

“God, 2 months already?!” Trevor asks Jamie incredulously, making me roll my eyes at the playful jab.

“Don’t sound so surprised, Zegras.”

“You’re just mad cause you can’t pull.” Jamie’s accusation makes me laugh at the offended look on Trevor’s face. 

“Don’t get it twisted, I can pull.”

“You just can’t get them to stay?” I ask innocently, absentmindedly messing with Jamie’s fingers. Jamie laughs heartily. He interlaces his with mine to give my hand a gentle squeeze. “But to answer your original question, yes, it’s been 2 months already.” 

The scruff of my boyfriend’s 5 o’clock shadow brushes the back of my hand as he kisses the flat part of my knuckle. Trevor, observing the entire action, leans over the kitchen trashcan and pretends to throw up. Jamie merely laughs and I roll my eyes once more, “Shut the fuck up! You are so dramatic.”

“And for what?” Jamie chimes in which makes me smile to see he’s been picking up some of my mannerisms and phrases as well. That’s been my favorite part of dating him so far. The way his music taste slowly infiltrates mine. The way he now keeps a trashbag in his car after realizing how useful the one in mine is. The way he’s wearing the soft blue hoodie he lent me, for the reason that it now smells like me, which is why I had stolen it from him in the first place.

“I’m happy for you guys, really,” Trevor grabs his car keys from off the granite kitchen counter, “Thank you for rubbing salt into the open wound.”

“Oh my god-” Jamie starts.

“Get out of here!” I finish for him, urging Trevor to leave. 

“I’m gone!” He obliges. Then, Jamie kisses my head again, prompting me to sit up. 

“Did he say where he was going?”

“Mmm… no, actually. If I had to guess, he’s probably going golfing with the guys.”

“No way, he was dressed way too nice for golf…” I trail off, racking my brain for where he could have possibly been headed. Shrugging off the idea, I straddle Jamie’s hips, and look down at him. I smile. Overcome with the warm sensation of staring at my boyfriend. Jamie nudges me with his hips, indicating he would like me to lay back down. Before I comply, I pull my hair back tying it out of the way so I’m free to kiss Jamie as much as I please. He watches my every move, eyes flooded with adoration.

“At practice this morning, McT said he…” Jamie trails off mid sentence. As he was talking, I finished tying my hair back and then leaned down as he had wanted me to. He’s looking at me with eyes slightly widened and lips parted in surprise. 

“What?” I ask, concerned as to why Jamie stopped talking. He simply says,

“You’re really pretty.” The seemingly arbitrary declaration makes me laugh but does nothing to aid my confusion.

“Okay?”

“You’re just so pretty I think I short-circuited.” The earnest confession makes me smile and giggle, so I press a soft kiss to Jamie’s lips.

“You’re cute. So what did Mason say?”

“Oh yeah, he said that he wants to meet you.”

“Really?” I ask, rubbing my thumb over Jamie’s cheekbone. He kisses my palm before responding,

“Despite how much you and Trevor bully each other, he’s told everyone on the team about how cool you are. He kinda took the liberty to do it himself since I do gush about you, but I get shy about it.” Jamie is uncharacteristically speaking out loud his stream of consciousness, and I take a back seat to admire how talkative he can be when he’s with me. A stark contrast to the shy, almost silent boy I’d had my first date with. Noticing how much he’s talking, Jamie ends his rambling but I smile softly, encouragingly,

“It’s unfortunate that the ‘cool girl’ is seemingly the only archetype that consistently receives approval from men, but it is true nonetheless.”

“Yeah, like, it’s not that I need his approval, but it is nice when your boys like your girlfriend… Well, it’s what you said, you just said it better. I’m mansplaining aren’t I?” He asks, bashfully. I roll my eyes and appreciatively kiss his lips once more.

“Get out of your head, Drysdale. Do you have anxiety?” 

“Shut up. I think you’re the only person I’ve ever met who can always tell when I’m overthinking.”

“Maybe I’m just the only one with the audacity to comment on it,” I playfully propose, smiling when I succeed in making Jamie laugh. 

“I don’t think so.”

“We’ll agree to disagree. It’s unlikely, but not impossible.” Dropping the bit, Jamie and I smile at each other, melting into a comfortable silence. He looks at me with soft eyes, pink blush creeping across his cheeks the longer I continue to stare. I rest my left hand on the side of his face once more. I brush my thumb over his cheekbone again, and rub the top of my fingers repeatedly against the stubble adorning his jaw. Jamie lifts his eye brows before saying,

“What, do I need to shave?”

“No. I just like the way it feels.”

“Oh, hey, you said you’re done with school by mid december, right?”

“Yeah, why?”

“My mom asked if you were coming to Christmas this year.”

“Did she really?” Jamie hesitates a moment before his brows furrow in sincere disapproval.

“You’ve been my girlfriend for two months now. She will not shut up about meeting you.”

“What? Why?” He then blushes fiercely and cowers his head into the large hoodie he’s slouched on. Jamie doesn’t meet my gaze as he talks,

“I told her all about you the other day.” I bite back the giant smile that prods at my features before replying,

“What did you tell her?”

“Just stuff about you!”

“What stuff about me?!”

“I told her you’re a student and what you’re studying. I told her where you’re from and what your family is like. And I told her about how I stare at you between red lights when we’re going somewhere.” The last piece of information makes me laugh and I tilt my head in confusion.

“How did that last part come up?” It was a simple question, really. One that I hadn’t even bothered to put a lot of thought into; one that came from my basic stream of consciousness. And certainly not one that I imagined would ellicit such a reaction from Jamie. His eyes widened and softened all at once, his blush glowing brighter across his cheeks, and his lips parting to allow the irregular pace of breathing he had now adopted.

“I guess… I called her because I was unsure of what I was feeling…? I was kinda freaking out about it. As I told her about our first date, she said that just talking about you made me visibly happier. She noticed that, even though I wasn’t aware of how happy I’d gotten. Then she demanded to meet you as soon as possible…” Jamie sheepishly looks up at me after finishing his mini monologue. The traces of endeared happiness immediately vanish and Jamie looks at me horrified. In describing how happy I make this boy, I felt tears welling up on my lashes, relieved to be experiencing something so thoroughly mutual.

“Oh my god, please don’t cry I’m sorry!” I laugh through the tears and playfully smack his chest.

“Jamie…”

“You make me really happy, Y/n. Like, really really happy-”

“I love you,” I blurt out. I’m a bit stunned and honestly scared of how quickly this confession escaped me. But I know it’s true. And isn’t that the scariest part?

“I love you too.”

“Really?” I ask through unrelenting tears.

“Yes,” Jamie rests his hands on the tops of my hip bones, “I kind of lied by saying my mom said I looked happy… She said I looked very in love, but I didn’t want to be too forward and say that if you maybe didn’t feel the same way.”

“Bro, you worry so much, are you sure you don’t have anxiety?”

“Shut the fuck up!”

***

a/n: copy pasting tags is the best thing that has ever happened to fic writers I think.

#Jamie Drysdale #Jamie Drysdale fanfiction #Jamie Drysdale fanfic #Jamie Drysdale fic #Jamie Drysdale imagine #Jamie Drysdale oneshot #Jamie Drysdale one shot #Jamie Drysdale x reader #Jamie Drysdale x Asa #Jamie Drysdale smut #Jamie Drysdale fluff #Jamie Drysdale angst #Jamie Drysdale blurb #Jamie Drysdale drabble #Jamie Drysdale hc #Jamie Drysdale headcanon #trevor zegras #Trevor Zegras #Platonic!Trevor

[pacific-rimbaud]

i was reading your thoughts on how fans felt about l&oha and while i concur it is a perfect piece of work in my head and have reread it 5x, i wonder if you think fans tend to be harsher/more critical of hermione and let draco slide? i see it a lot in fics where he's more of an alphahole type

Oh, man. Okay. The can is open, the worms are loose. Rant under the cut.

I'm actually going to set men aside entirely. Just. To the side with you. I desperately need more realistically complicated men, too, but that's a whole separate discussion. Right now: women.

There must be whole dissertations out there on the phenomenon of readers hating female characters with negative traits. I'm a fandom old, so I didn't grow up identifying with Hermione, and wouldn't have even if I'd been young enough to. I did that "which character are you" test just now and my top three matches were Janis Ian from Mean Girls, Jughead from Riverdale and April from Parks and Rec, which, massive grain of salt, etc. BUT gives you an idea. I am not a Hermione and never was, so she's never been a comfort character or self-insert for me. Some of my favorite fictional women are Sophie Hatter (mean, irrational, petty, old and mostly loving it), Harrowhark Nonagesimus (evil stick), Phryne Fisher (zero fucks to give). What I like about Hermione is how imperfect she is. I'm a "cleverest witch of your age I've ever met" truther (book!Lupin is absolutely saying "you're the canniest 14 year-old child I have personally met, saying this as a guy who doesn't get out much," not "you are a once-in-a-century genius"), and from my perspective, she's often wrong and often a dick, and not in a fun and fiesty burn-down-the-world BAMF way. Which. Good for her! Be human.

And that's the thing. I personally don't want Hermione to be perfect, I want her to be what I think she is, textually, which is intelligent, hardworking, loyal, competitive, compassionate, controlling, belittling, rude, petty, insecure, vindictive, volatile. She has the right to be that way, because she's human. The desire for perfected women (or unapologetically and unstoppably awful ones, another brand of female power fantasy) is not limited to Dramione fandom. I think it's amplified in DHr by many readers who DO identify as former gifted children, books-as-coping-mechanism kids and Strong Female Personalities who felt marginalized in childhood and want to see Hermione have it all: she's slim, she's tiny, she's fragile as a bird, she'll break your neck, she'll step on your throat, she'll tear down the system, she'll heal all wounds, she does not need help, she holds all the knowledge, she holds all the cards, she is forever wronged, she can do no wrong, her vagina is tight, her nipples are hard, her hair is on point, her waist is tiny, her tits are bouncing, her ass is in the style of Now. And like. This isn't at all unique to DHr and Hermione. It's pervasive in fiction written by and for women. Female power fantasies are obviously feeding a massive hunger. It's just not what I personally want. Personally, I find it alienating and uncomfortable, which I know equates to, "That is wrong and shouldn't exist" to a lot of people, but that's its own tale as old as time.

There's a disconnect that happens too often where a reader wants one (1) thing from their fiction, and receives something else, even when the contents are clearly labeled on the tin. In this case, wanting a female power fantasy and encountering a woman who's written with flaws makes people upset. And maybe if we could be more honest with ourselves about what we're looking for when we read, work to accept that not everyone wants the same experience, and learn to close a book when it's not working for us and say, "No shade, this isn't for me," it would be less upsetting when we encounter a character who isn't written to meet our personal expectations. I will open a book, realize the FMC is a female power fantasy archetype and close it, because that's not what I show up for. I like my women gritty and weird and foolish and vulnerable and liable to hurt people and feel terrible about it. Give me all the exhausting chatterers and evil sticks and jocks with swords and their hearts on their sleeves (their hearts ripped out), give me shy Anne Elliot and her suitcase full of regrets and the ugly fuckup who never has a glow up, give me dirtbag stoners and Fleabag and Alicent Hightower apologetics and every role Natasha Lyon has ever played. It's not a moral high ground, it's about a preference for seeing actual, demeritus flaws on the page and on the screen. Blame that woman. It's her fault. She has so many faults. Then show me how to forgive her so I can figure out how to forgive myself.

The thing is, I love women. I love women so fucking much. I want to be around them, to get to know them, to read about them, to watch them on TV and see them in films. And personally, I like them ugly. Physically. Spiritually. Morally. Give a woman a Bad Personality and watch her succeed in the most self-injurious way possible, fuck you. Give her a gaping chest wound and line it with teeth. Stick a piece of grit in that girl's tightly sealed shell so that a pearl is her only option. Make her love other women, make her fuck it up, make her have to earn them back.

Thankfully I do feel like we're getting more ugly women in fiction, especially BIPOC, queer and marginalized women who deserve gross, weird, nasty representation and not just didactic moralism, patronization and misguided sainthood. Some readers won't want that, and that's fine. Again, personally (it's all so personal, please, please remember that when you hit that comment button), I'm here for it. If you write about women like this, know that you have a thirsty reader here. I'm swallowing them up. I'm smacking my lips. I'm smashing my mug on the cafeteria floor and calling for another.

#you asked I answered #rant #long post

[gojos-thot-patrol]

Can you please please make a part 2 of the one of the first with kento 🥺 I NEED them to make up my heart can’t take angst. :(

So, I went ahead and combined these two asks because I assume they're talking about the same fic.

and while normally I'm not super big on part twos, we couldn't leave our lovers in such turmoil, now could we?

find pt.1 here!

Now Presenting...

Starring an absolutely desperate Kento Nanami

You felt dirty sitting on Satoru’s couch, but in the aftermath you had no idea where else to go. After you and Nanami broke up in that stupid fucking fight, you felt lost, but you knew you needed a place to stay. It felt wrong, partly because you knew Gojo had feelings for you, but mostly because you weren’t home. You couldn’t go home. Home told you to leave. 

“Have you tried getting a hold of him yet?” Gojo asked, sitting next to you on the couch with two cups of tea, one the perfect way you liked it. You’d been staying with him for two weeks now, and in that time he managed to fall into tune with you as best as he could. Though it didn’t feel nearly as natural as it did with Kento, you appreciated his efforts. 

“No.” You shook your head, looking down at your phone. He had been trying desperately to get ahold of you, you just couldn’t bring yourself to answer his calls. “I just…I can’t talk to him yet. He hurt me, I-”

“You don’t have to explain anything.” Gojo assured you. “I’m not here to tell you how to handle your break up. But, I will say..” He paused, trying to find the most empathetic way to put this. “He’s hurting too. I think he’s ready to try and make up.” You let out a defeated chuckle. Gojo really was an amazing friend. Despite his feelings for you, he never tried to make a move, and had in fact even been advocating for you guys to make up.

But, this wasn’t just a regular fight. Nanami broke up with you. How do you come back from that? “He’s the one that broke up with me.” You reminded your friend.

“Yea, and then he found his mind again, realized the total ass he made of himself, and wants to try and undo it.” You laughed a little at Gojos phrasing, but it hurt. Your smile felt like an open wound these days, begging for salt. 

“Well then that sucks for him.”

“Ok, well then, when do you want to go and get your stuff from his apartment?” Gojo finally asked. “If you’re sure this relationship is dead, you might as well take it off life support, right?”  you sighed. Gojo was right. If you weren’t going to take the initiative to try and get back together, might as well tie up the loose ends.

“Tomorrow.” You said with a harsh nod, as if that was what made it final. “Kento should be in the states now. I'll just leave my key on the bar.” You muttered. Gojo nodded and took a drink of his tea. 

“Alright then. I can give you a ride tomorrow.” 

💛💛💛

The air was thick as blood as you made your way to Nanami's house. You didn’t have any tears left in you to shed, so the sky wept for you. You and Gojo respected enough to keep the drive quiet. This was it. This was final. Once you remove yourself from his apartment…You’ll have no connection to Nanami left. That burden was more than an anchor on your soul, it was a fucking canon ball. Tearing you apart as it tore through you. 

“Is that his Fucking car?!” You yelped as Nanami's apartment came into view and, yes, his car. “Isn’t he supposed to be in the states?!”

“He probably got a ride to the airport Y/n.” Gojo reminded you. Oh. Yea. that was actually really logical, who leaves their car at the airport for a month? 

“Oh, right.” You muttered, embarrassment lacing your voice. Gojo parked next to Nanami's car. 

“Want me to go in with you?” He asked. You shook your head.

 “I just…I need some time to..say goodbye, I guess?”  you muttered. Gojo nodded and patted your back softly. 

“Let me know if you need me.” He muttered to you as you left the car, making your way up the stairs to say goodbye to the only home you’ve ever known. You slid your kid into the door and hesitated. This was it. This was the last time you’d ever do this. You took a deep, jagged breath, and opened the door.

Only to be met with the face of your ex, sitting at his bar, nursing a coke and whiskey at 9 am, looking like a deer in headlights as he stared at his opening door. You didn’t imagine you looked any better. You both sat there, staring at each other in a very loud silence. Both of you daring the other to break the tension somehow. It felt like someone had pressed pause on the movie of your life at the worst possible time, so, you decided to press play.

“I thought you were supposed to be in the states..” You muttered, stepping in and closing the door.

“I told them to give the job to someone else..” He felt so childish and stupid saying it. It really had been easy that whole time, and it was killing him. He’d thrown away his relationship over fucking nothing, like a fool. Like a fucking petulant child. “You were right..” He admitted. 

The ease at which he was able to get out of the business trip sent another wave of red hot rage through you. You scoffed.

“Well, I’m just here to get my stuff, then I’ll go.” you huffed. Suddenly, Nanami was on his feet, reaching out to you in almost fear. 

“No, don’t go.” He begged. “I-I never wanted you to go-”

“Then why did you tell me to leave?” You cut him off, more heat to your voice than you ever intended. 

“Because I was frustrated, refusing to see your side and when I saw my side falter, I lashed out in the most childish way possible.” Of course, leave it to Kento Nanami to over analyze any interaction to cut down to the heart of it and articulate the problem with the confidence of a therapist. 

“Yea, well…your words still hurt me!” You said, not having the articulation Nanami did when it came to emotions.

“I know, and I’m so, so sorry. I never should have let my feelings hurt yours.” Nanami said, slowly approaching you. He wanted to pull you into his arms, to kiss you like he’d never kissed before, to remind you just how much he loved you. But, he didn’t want to scare you away even more. You stood in his living room, crossing your arms and trying not to let him in. Why were you trying so hard not to let him in?

“I’m not going to apologize.” You muttered. 

“You have nothing to apologize for.” Nanami said, finally close enough to touch you. He gently placed his hands on your hips. “You just wanted me to be home..”

“I still want you to be home…” You muttered softly, letting him pull you closer. 

“I want to be home…” He assured you, “And I want you to be home too…” he purred as he pulled you into his chest. For the first time in two weeks you felt warm and truly safe. Your heart burst out with rays of sunshine, and your soul called out to him in overwhelming ways. You gave into the undeniable pull that was Nanami, falling into a full hug and burying your face into his chest. You felt hot tears spring to your eyes as emotions overwhelmed you. 

“Ken..” You muttered, looking up at him through bleary eyes.

“I missed you so much Y/n,” Nanami promised, showing he was thinking exactly what you were, as he pulled you into a kiss. Nothing had ever felt more right. Like the universe had finally corrected itself and righted its course. The world made sense again. Gravity held you down, earth revolved around the sun, and you loved Kento Nanami.

He pulled you closer, his warmth overwhelming you. He tasted like cinnamon whiskey, which was fitting because you swore you were getting drunk on his presence. Your body called out to Nanami, and he answered, his hands starting to wander down your body. The kiss was shifting from gentle to desperate quicker that you could fully keep up with. Your arms moved from around his waist to tangle into his hair.

 “I love you Y/n” Nanami panted as he pulled away from the kiss, “I need you.”

“I need you too.” You confirmed. That was all Nanami needed to hear. He picked you up desperately, wasting no time in getting you to the bedroom. He laid you on the bed and immediately started to kiss you again. He needed to kiss you more than he needed to breathe. You kissed him back like it was the last thing keeping you grounded to this earth. You clung to him desperately, silently begging him to never let you go again.

His hands fumbled with the button of your jeans, ripping them and your underwear off you as quickly as possible. He needed you now. You quickly undid his belt and unzipped his slacks, needing him just as bad as he needed you. His hands slipped in between your legs, his fingers slipping in between your folds. The two of you hadn’t fallen out of sync. He massaged expert circles into your clit, earning him a sweet moan from you. God, he had heard nothing more beautiful in his life.

Two of his fingers managed to slip into your weeping pussy, and he actually chuckled a bit. “Did you miss me darling?” He teased, noticing how warm of a welcome your cunt gave him. You just moaned in response, focused on how the pleasure built up inside of you. You death gripped his shirt as the ecstasy began to grow overwhelming. 

“Fuck Ken, please..” You moaned out as Nanami curled his fingers into you, massaging your overly sensitive g-spot. “I need you so bad..” Say no more. He finished what you had started, pushing his pants down enough to free his cock.

You moaned out his name as he pushed inside of you, a heat already building up inside of your stomach to let you know you weren’t going to last long. “Fuck, I missed you so much..” Nanami whimpered as he bottomed out into your warmth, your pussy drawing him in, welcoming him home. He spent more than a few nights these past two weeks fantasizing about this cunt, but there was no way in the world his fist could ever come close to the real deal.

“I missed you too,” You whimpered out, struggling at the brutal pace Nanami set. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was trying to fuck you into a coma. You wouldn’t be all that mad if he did. Your body sang in elation to be rejoined with him, every nerve ending you had exploding in euphoria. 

Nanami's lips connected with your neck, sucking a harsh mark there, followed by a rough kiss. “You’re mine, ok?” He growled in an uncharacteristically possessive way, one that sent butterflies straight to your cunt. “You’re mine.”

“Ok,” You moaned breathlessly, the heat building into an overwhelming crescendo. 

“Say it.” He demanded.

“What?” your brain was not functioning at the level he currently demanded. 

“Say. It.” He growled, punctuating every word with a particularly hard thrust to your cervix. You whined out in pleasure and pain.

“I’m yours!” You yelled, “I’m yours Kento, all yours and only yours!” You whined out. 

“Atta girl,” Nanami purred, one of his hands slipping down to massage your clit, setting every inch of you on fire. You were running to the edge faster than the speed of light, and stopping at this point was impossible. 

“K-Ken, I’m-!” Which is as far as you got before you flew over the edge, squirting all over your lover, his cock buried deep inside of you. Nanami fucked your fluttering pussy, losing himself in everything you. He wasn't far behind you, cumming into your cervix just as you were coming down from your own high, a string of curses and praise falling from his lips. 

Nanami narrowly avoided collapsing on you, pulling out managing to fall next to you instead. He wasted no time in pulling you into his arms though. He had no intention of letting you go anytime soon. 

“I love you…” he whispered softly.

“I love you too…” you whispered back. A knock on the door startled you both, you letting out a yelp while Nanami pulled you into a protective grip.

“So are you guys back together now, or what?” Gojo asked from the other side of the door.

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen #nanami kento #nanami smut #nanami x reader #nanami x reader smut #pussy drunk nanami #nanami angst #nanami x reader angst #fluff if ya squint #nanami kento smut

[swinginspaceagebachelorette2]

“The Souls Can Interact With Each other”

based off @a1asta1r lovely fic “It was all for a Show (Fill our Wounds with a Pound of Salt)” on Island of The Slaughtered

#total drama #td noah #td bridgette #island of the slaughtered #not a ship #tw gore #cw: gore

[alexanderlightweight]

You know what I rarely see? In the show after wooing Alec, Magnus is not shown as overly invested and it always appears as Alec reaching/apologizing/moving the pair along. Which was definitely a writing/directing choice. But what I’d like to prompt if it suits you, is Magnus being the one to apologize or to reassure Alec that he is important and not temporary-I’m team immortal but this convo certainly should happen. I liked the way you had Alec be angry in that prompt fill about his birthday and Magnus had to own up to that. If this isn’t your thing no big deal! Hope the weather is nice where you are and nightshade has enough pets and treats for the day!

i believe in 'no partner is perfect' and while i don't tend to write the angstier couple stuff 'i like my malec happy' i don't mind occasionally dipping my toes into partner angst (with an immortal happy ending)

this particular fic isn't about about immortality but it's about haing two people who have fundamentally different lifestyles having a miscommunication that devolves and while the argument is based on the show scene, it doesn't follow it perfectly. nor is the actual argument written. just the aftermath.

my thoughts are that magnus tries to spoil alec in season two still but it's more intimate and offscreen and he sort of in season 3a but magnus relies heavily n his magic to spoil alec and he kind of is spiraling all of season 3 tbh. they just really were sprinkling angst on malec like it was salt and they realized the show was bland.

all they did was get oversalted content which got salty fans, since they forgot to add actual herbs and spices.

it's a bloody hot day okay. i love the sun as much -nevermind apparently this is a lie-

so i don't hate the sun okay. i enjoy sunshine in specific environments. the sun is not a tyrant devoid of compassion.

anyways i live in a desert because its whats best for the people i love but give me mist and foggy days and give me winters of waist deep snow i can fall in. oceans so cold your lips go blue and rivers so deep and clear and still cold with melting ice.

if people are going to send me 8-10 feet to the bottom of the lake because they lost their electronics. it better be cold and clear. not warm and murky. (this has only happened 3 times but i have a preference).

So I made Say breakfast and nightshade breakfast and then I made @saeths breakfast a few hours later so i made an extra egg for nightshade to tempt him to eat another bowl of kibble.

so i fed nightshade twice and forgot to make any eggs for myself ^_^ so he is plenty spoiled (don't worry his egg was made without cheese and salt).

also the reason i'm awake is because he needed snuggles and after that he wanted to play in the pool and then i was too awake to bother

but that's our wednesday so far and i'm getting my work out of the way so i can focus on writing and house things.

<3 lumine

-

Magnus is ready with another quick retort when Alec’s face goes blank for a moment.

The argument fades from Magnus’ mind in an instant, because while this is the perfect moment to land another barb, the words die and his sentence stops, ending with a snide comment he doesn’t really mean.

“That’s fine Magnus.” Alec says and he’s not angry, which is worse. He sounds tired and yet professional. His manner restrained and placating in the way he does when he no longer has any fight left and he just wants to retreat and lick his wounds.

Wounds that Magnus caused.

“Alexander—” Magnus starts, because he didn’t intend to get so upset but Alexander just shakes his head.

“You’ve said your piece, Magnus. I get it.” Alexander sighs and runs a hand through his hair as he shuffles. “I messed up, again.”

Magnus winces, because he’s begun to feel more like a scolding mentor than a partner.

“I need to get to the Institute—” which makes sense, the argument started as they both got ready for their days. “I’ll—” and Alec hesitates and then shrugs, “I’ll see you tonight.”

—

Magnus waits until it’s dinner time and then portals to the Institute, already preparing words to once again explain that it’s not Alexander, it’s just not time yet.

He opens the door to the office without knocking and steps in.

“Alexander—” Magnus starts and then he hesitates.

Because for once, Alexander’s eyes don’t soften when they meet his. They remain cold, devoid of the warm ardor they normally contain but once again, without anger. Only an empty tiredness that Magnus longs to chase away.

“Do you have an appointment today, Magnus?” Alexander asks, setting down his pen and turning off his tablet with a sigh. Even upset Alexander will still give him his full attention and Magnus steps closer to the desk when Alexander continues, “because I’m sorry, but I don’t have time for a meal, or a conversation if it’s not official. So, if you don’t have an appointment, it needs to wait until I’m off.”

Alexander doesn’t mention coming home like he normally does, and Magnus suddenly misses it, with a deep lonely ache.

It also reminds Magnus that despite how often Alexander drops everything to join him, his boy is being worked to the ground and also driving himself to his limits in his pursuit of building a better Institute. Alexander is struggling to create ties between an Institute and local downworld leaders that would be revolutionary, with a sincerity that is unmatched by anything Magnus has ever seen.

Of course, he’s exhausted, and Magnus feels hollow now, remembering their fight all over again with a new clarity.

“No darling, it’s nothing official. I’ll see you tonight—” Magnus pauses, wanting to offer to summon Alec something to eat or drink, but it feels too much like an emotional bribe with how shuttered his boy is. Alexander nods and gives him the same perfunctory, polite smile he gives his siblings when he’s too exhausted to deal with them and doesn’t know what else to do.

It cuts Magnus to the heart to have that same expression directed at him, when he’s supposed to be safe for Alexander.

Magnus can’t handle the idea of reaching out only to be shied away from, so he runs from the possibility and instead summons a tiny flower to land by Alexander’s pen when the door shuts.

No one in the Institute seems to notice anything is wrong. Magnus gets a few strange looks, but he quickly realizes that it’s because everyone expected Alexander to be leaving with him, like his boy usually does.

Magnus feels cold and it’s with determination that he sends out an emergency message.

—

“I became stagnant in my old, single age.” Magnus bemoans, “I spent so long on my heartbreak that now, with a man I adore over every living being, I keep pushing him away.”

“Truth potion?” Catarina offers but Magnus shakes his head. Alexander deserves Magnus explaining this without the aid of something to help his thoughts form, even if it’s a trick Magnus has used continually and without remorse on himself.

This is different though because Magnus wants to become aware of what is wrong, not rely on a potion to figure it out.

“He wants to move in.” Magnus starts, about to launch into it when Cat laughs, interrupting him.

“What do you mean he wants to, he already has. Or did you just move him in on the sly and forget to ask him if he wanted to?”

“Cat—” Magnus says hesitantly, “he’s never moved in. He’s the one who brought it up. I told him no.”

Catarina pauses and then she sighs, and she summons her favorite, light summer beer and pinches the bridge of her nose.

“Start from the beginning, Magnus. I need details.”

Magnus does, realizing things that he missed as he’s explaining so many details that he just assumed and took for granted.

“I did wonder that the Loft hasn’t changed much. It seems more like Alec’s an addition to your things rather than his own person.”

It’s that comment that drives Magnus into a frenzy the moment he’s home.

Magnus doesn’t go overboard; Alexander wouldn’t want him to. Also springing this on his boy after the prior rejection will be too much like whiplash.

So, Magnus starts very small.

He finally creates the foyer he promised himself and Alexander he would make.

Alexander’s never pushed but Magnus remembers the tightening of his shoulders and the way Alexander will be too tired for anything but cuddles — rarely even hungry — after barrages of people through the loft.

The kitchen he only summons when Alexander asks, which is rare, so he makes it a permanent fixture and makes sure to hang an apron with little angel wings up. It’s with a pained smile that he sighs and wonders when he got so old that he forgot to enjoy life, and instead spent all his time focused on the past, just like Ragnor always warned him about.

Magnus doesn’t want to regret any time with Alexander, and he finds that he already does.

Not the time spent with his boy, but the time he could have focused on him more.

Magnus has spent so long protecting himself from losing Alexander, that he hasn’t noticed that he’s pushing him away, stopping him from coming too close.

Except Magnus has also bound him tightly.

Alexander sleeps more often in Magnus’ bed than his own. He’s rerouted his own schedule so he can take the last patrol before shift change, come to Magnus’ loft, write his report there and send it in, and be in bed for Magnus to return to.

Except for work, Alexander spends the majority of his daily life either in the loft, or with Magnus.

There are signs of him, all over the loft, but Magnus can’t look at a single piece and think, “Alexander picked that out.”

It aches in way that is almost visceral, because now that Alexander isn’t here, it’s only more obvious.

Magnus is chest deep in a drawer when he becomes aware of his boy stepping slowly into the bedroom.

“Is this a bad time?” Alexander’s tired voice asks. “I noticed there was a new door and tried to knock but the door just opened.”

Magnus wants to say something except he’s furious with himself and everything and the idea that Alexander saw a new door and knocked instead of walking right in, tears something in him.

They stare at each other for a moment, Magnus with his hands still wrist deep in the dimensional dresser, sure he’ll eventually find more than the sparse offering of Alexander’s clothes that he has.

“Where are all the clothes that you leave here?” Magnus asks instead of answering because he genuinely doesn’t know, “I was cleaning, and I couldn’t find them.”

Alexander sighs and Magnus just knows that he’s gearing himself up to — once again — explain to Magnus that it’s not about the clothes, before his boy visibly gets too tired. Instead, he just shrugs and potions to the paltry pile that Magnus has found.

“You have more than that!” Magnus exclaims, frustrated because he knows Alexander does. “That green shirt I got you that you loved. And those pants, the black ones with the umber stitching. The cream sweater I adore you in! That suit I had tailored for you in Milan and the other one in Hong Kong.”

Alexander sighs and he rubs a hand over his face, the stubble he normally shaves away in Magnus— in their bathroom, shadowing his face.

“Magnus, those don’t exist anymore.” Alexander doesn’t seem upset, if anything his face softens into an almost reluctant fondness, “you tend to vanish all the clothing you get me, some way or another. Mostly before fucking me. I tried to ask you one time where they went and you waved a hand and said, ‘another dimension, nothing to worry about’.”

“Surely that’s not all I said.” Magnus protests weakly.

“Well, you proceeded to fuck me unconscious so no, it wasn’t the last thing you said. But it was the last thing you said abut clothes.”

Magnus gives a flat chuckle and then sighs, snapping his fingers to clean up the mess.

“Have you eaten?”

“I figured I could grab something from the cafeteria when I head back. It’s fine.”

It most certainly is not fine, but Magnus doesn’t think coaxing Alexander into eating is going to work this time, which means that Magnus has accidentally undone weeks of effort.

Magnus doesn’t press, doesn’t remind Alexander that he can here. Or that, if by normal standards Alexander stays until he usually leaves Magnus, it would be the early evening of the next day.

“So, you were cleaning.”

Alexander is looking around, voice faltering but face devoid of actual emotions.

“I realized some things, after this afternoon.” Magnus admits slowly, “you’re the first person I opened my heart to, Alexander. In a very long time, I’ve told you that before.”

Normally, explaining things is easier but all Magnus can think is he’s not explaining it correctly.

“I know. But Magnus, you’re the first person I’ve ever opened my heart to.” Alexander interjects and he sounds raw and broken, like he’s been torn apart. “Doesn’t that get to mean anything too, to you? Because I don’t know what I’m doing, and you told me that there was nothing wrong with that. That I had nothing to feel ashamed about but now, it doesn’t feel like that.

"It feels like I can’t do anything right and I thought, I hoped something was coming together with us but now—” Alexander gives a heavy sigh and shrugs. “Now I don’t even know what I am to you anymore. Where do I belong, in your life Magnus? If you tell me where to fit, I’ll make it work.”

And that breaks Magnus’ heart, because Alexander was never meant to feel like he had to cut off pieces of himself to ensure Magnus loves him, that he has a place in Magnus’ life.

“Oh darling, beloved.” He murmurs and Alexander flinches, like it was a knife to his side. “You belong. The entirety of you. You belong in my bed because it’s no longer just my bed. How can I say it’s my bed when I lay in it without you and can’t sleep? When I reach for you in the night and can’t find you?” Magnus moves across the room with slow, purposeful steps and then reaches out to carefully — only because Alexander allows it — cups his face.

“Alexander, I have no excuses. My heart is old, and it is scarred and it is a wonder that you love me with all the cracks you’ve seen exposed. I don’t fear men or demons or angels, Alexander. I fear my heart being torn from my body and leaving me alive, an empty hollow cavern where it should be in the shape of you.

“I’ve always been too much, Alexander. I put my own fears on you, not that you deserved any of it, sweetheart. You’re right. I am your first relationship, and you grew up and live in a shadowhunter society. The relationships you've witnessed aren't similar to ours at all.

"You trust me to guide our relationship but I’m always encouraging you to ask me for things and you rarely do. I’m sorry, that you finally trusted me enough to ask me for something and that I broke that trust.”

And Alexander breaks, his eyes filling with tears and he coughs, scrubbing over his eyes because he hates being emotional during talks like these. As if Magnus will use the crystal sorrow streaking his face against him.

“I don’t understand.” Alexander murmurs against Magnus’ shoulder, “I thought this was already my home, here with you. I don’t know what I did wrong, I’m sorry Magnus.”

“Oh sayang.” Magnus whispers, eyes stinging because his heart is lanced every time Alexander apologizes. “You did nothing wrong. My heart was too scared to admit that you already were home for us, I pushed you away because I panicked. I’m sorry, my darling.”

Magnus is as tender and sincere as he can be, because he doesn’t want Alexander internalizing anything over this. Especially not when he realized that for Alexander, the loft already was home and he just wanted permission, for it to be official.

It’s endearing and sweet and Magnus presses a kiss to Alexander’s temple, softly and then harder when Alexander pushes into the caress.

"This is already your home. Where ever I am, will be your home." Magnus promises, "that will never change, my love. This is our space, for us to grow together and live together in.

Instead, Alexander tackles him to the bed and just lays there, pinning Magnus to the comforter as he snuggles into Magnus.

"Alexander?"

There is no answer, just a soft, exhausted snuffle and Magnus wonders how upset Alexander's been, thinking he was deprived of the home Magnus gave him.

He uses magic to change their clothing. More conversations and decisions can be made after rest and well, Alexander certainly isn't going anywhere and neither is Magnus.

#lumine writes #writing wednesday #writing wednesdays #magnus bane #alec lightwood #malec #shadowhunters #shadowhunters au #my fics #my fanfics #my ficlets

[viking-raider]

Salt in Our Wounds - CHAPTER IV

Summary-> Gus is healing and moving about. However, nothing is sunshine around the house.

Pairing-> Gus March-Phillipps/Reader

Word Count-> 3.3k

Chapters-> I II III

Warnings-> PG-13: Language, Deception, References to WWII

Inspiration-> The one and only Chaos Major, Gus March-Phillipps.

Author’s Note-> I hope you enjoy! Line divider by @FIREFLY-GRAPHICS!

-> If you would like to get notifications for my writing! Just follow my Tag List blog, @VIKING-RAIDER-TAGLIST as well as my @VIKING-RAIDER-LIBRARY and turn on the notifications for it! It’s that easy!’ Ao3-> DRAGON_DWELLER

“You told our father what?” Edmund barked, as you met him outside the cottage, the next morning.

You had peeked out the window for him, ever since you woke.

“Well,” You sighed, closing your eyes for a moment. “It was Gus that thought on his feet and told Papa that he was working with you on things around the house.” You repeat yourself, licking your lips. “We had to tell him something, when he found Gus coming out of the bathroom, after his shower.”

Edmund carded a hand through his hair and paced on the small porch. “So, you told him that Gus was a carpenter from another village, who's come over to help me put up shelves in the basement and do repairs around the cottage?”

“Yes.” You nodded, fidgeting. “What else were we to tell him, Eddie? I just opened the front door and grabbed some random man off the street, who looked as if he needed a shower?” You huffed, a tad frustrated.

“No.” He sighed, waving his hand, a tired expression coming over his face. “No, the two of you did the right thing. I suppose it's just as good an excuse to explain him to Pops than any other.” He exhaled again and stopped pacing. “Right well, is the man handy with a hammer or saw?”

“I haven't the slightest clue.”

“I'll find out.” Edmund replied, motioning you both inside and found Gus sitting at the kitchen table, sipping a cup of coffee and reading his book.

Edmund looked at you with a lifted brow and you gave him a look that said, why not, since your father knew he was there, making your brother roll his eyes.

“Good morning, Edmund.” Gus greeted him, setting his book down.

“Morning.” He answered, narrowing his eyes at the other man, sitting nonchalantly at the table. “Are you ready to work today?” He asked, squaring his shoulders.

“I am.” Gus answered, taking a gulp of his coffee, unphased.

“Not before the two of you eat breakfast.” You spoke up, pulling your apron on. “So, park yourself at the table.” You ordered Edmund, pointing to the chair across from Gus, defusing the brewing cloud of male bravado.

Sighing, Edmund pulled the chair out and plopped into it, giving you a short nod as you set a steaming cup of coffee down in front of him. Blowing gently on it, he stared across at Gus, who had returned to his book, but felt the other man's eyes on him and lifted a brow over the top of his page. Edmund cocked a brow back at him.

“So, Gus.” Your father called out from the sitting room, having kept his own eye on him since Gus appeared upstairs.

“Yes, sir?” Gus answered, respectfully setting his book down again and tilting slightly to the side to give Mael his attention.

“Why aren't you fighting in the War?”

“Papa!” You gasped, head jerking in his direction, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. “That's rude.” You whined at him, frowning.

“It's all right.” Gus replied, smiling sweetly at you. “I don't mind.” He assured you, then looked back at Mael. “I'm a Conscientious Objector, being Evangelical.” He explained to him, causally.

Mael stared at Gus for a long while, fluttering and tapping the pencil between his fingers against his map. The sizzle of hotcake batter on the red-hot griddle and the bubble of the percolator on the counter filling the quiet space, as no one spoke. Finally, Edmund grunted, shrugging his shoulders and taking another sip of his coffee, putting the atmosphere back into some reasonable balance.

“At least, he's not a deserter or a Nazi.” Edmund commented, putting his coffee cup down and picking up the newspaper you'd set on the table.

“Exactly.” You trumpeted, nodding your head, a tingle of relief running through you, turning back to the griddle to flip the hotcakes. “How many cakes do you want, Papa?” You asked, shoveling the steaming rounds onto a serving plate.

“Three, Peanut.” He answered, still tapping his pencil, but his eyes had shifted to the uneven hardwood floor.

Nodding, you shifted three over onto his plate, before taking up a knife and cutting another in half, adding one half with his three, knowing sometimes three weren't enough, but four could be too much for him.

“Boys?” You called over your shoulder, cracking an egg onto the griddle, beside the two fresh pools of batter.

“Four, please.” Gus chimed, turning a page.

“Same.” Edmund replied, squinting at the small print of the article he was trying to read.

Humming to yourself, you finished cooking up the batter and made everyone an egg, before doling out plates. Everyone had just dug in, when a knock sounded on the door. You and Edmund tensed, eyeing each other, a silent conversation going between you.

“Don't be rude!” Mael huffed around a mouthful of food.

Sighing, you stood up and answered it, finding Dr. Tremblay on your doorstep, black bag in hand, a flood of relief washing over you.

“Oh! Good morning, Dr. Tremblay.” You greeted him, glancing behind you to Gus and Edmund.

“Good morning, mon chéri.” Tremblay smiled at you, kissing your cheek and glancing into the house and spotting Gus at the table, enjoying his breakfast. “I see my patient is feeling better.” He commented, lifting a bushy white brow.

“He is.” You nodded, stepping to the side. “Please, come in. Would you like some coffee or tea?” You asked, biting your lip nervously.

“Tea would be nice, oui.” Dr. Tremblay answered, setting his bag on the table.

Edmund looked at the respected senior and cocked a brow over his shoulder to his father, hoping to indicate not speaking of Gus's injury and real purpose in the house. Tremblay returned a squinty eyed glare, just as you set down his cup of tea, making you chuckle at the two of them.

“What's brought you over so early, Sacha?” Mael asked, forking a hotcake into his mouth, but his eyes were cast over the table.

“Oh,” Tremblay waved his hand dismissively, before reaching out for the sugar pot in the center of the table, dropping two granular, ivory cubes into his teacup. “I came to check up on Edmund.” He replied, looking at your brother with a mischievous glint in his eye. “Heard from Thom that he might need a new pair of glasses. So, I've come to take some measurements.” He said, patting his bag, still sitting on the table.

“You didn't mention anything about that, Ed.” Your father croaked, looking a bit alarmed.

“I didn't want to burden you with it, Pops.” Edmund answered, squeezing the handle of his fork. “No worries though. Doc has it under control.” He grunted, eyes shifting over to Gus.

Everyone finished their breakfast and Edmund showed Tremblay upstairs, under the guise of looking at his eyes in privacy, while Gus excused himself to the bathroom, following the two of them upstairs. You fret a little bit, picking up the dishes from the table and putting them in the sink, the feeling anxious of not knowing if Gus's wound was healing right or if he needed the antibiotics anymore. You wanted to go upstairs and join them. But knew if you did, your father would likely get more suspicious.

“Are we going to take our usual Sunday afternoon stroll around the garden today, Papa?” You asked, putting a plate on the drying rack.

“I'll see how I feel come time, Peanut.” Mael replied, leaning against the arm of his chair to catch every word the radio presenter was saying.

Nodding, you pulled out the mop bucket and carried it out to the garden, using the garden hose to fill it. Leaning against the wall beside the door, you looked up at the morning sky, steely with angry looking, iron-gray clouds drifting by overhead. You drew in a deep breath, filling your nostrils with the cool and salty scent of the sea, but it also had the faint snap of the ozone, the possible threat of chubby raindrops.

“Well, it looks like my nurse took excellent care of me.” Gus's voice chimed in your ear, snapping you out of your thoughts.

“Your wound is all right?” You asked, casting your eyes up to his.

“Yes, ma'am.” He smiled, filling the doorway. “Healing nicely and should have the stitches out in no time.” He assured you, lifting his jumper a little to show you. “I also don't need any more shots! Which I am thankful for!” He chuckled, but looked at you quickly. “Not that you weren't good at administering them!”

“Oh no!” You giggled, cheeks warm with embarrassment and relief. “I'm just as glad as you are! I would have much preferred Dr. Tremblay make you take the antibiotic by mouth! The idea of sticking you, or anyone, with a needle is frightening. I'm surprised I didn't wound you further in the process.”

Gus smirked, glancing down at his boots. “I doubt you could have. I have thighs the size of tree trunks.” He remarked, biting his lip for a moment. “Your bucket!” He gasped, catching sight of the water spilling over the side.

“Oh shoot!” You snapped, twisting the nozzle off and letting out a sigh.

“I'm sorry, I distracted you.” Gus apologized, watching you tip the bucket slightly to let out the excess water.

“It's all right. I should have been paying attention.” You shrugged, grabbing the handle.

“Here, I'll carry it in for you.” He offered, replacing your hand with his at the handle.

You brushed a loose lock of hair behind your ear and watched him take it inside, before shaking your head, as if to snap yourself out of something, and followed him back inside. “You can put it right there.” You instructed him, going under the sink to grab the bottle of fairy liquid. “Are you going to help my brother?” You asked in a hushed voice, pouring some of the washing up solution in the water, while glancing over at your father, who had dozed off.

“I don't know.” Gus replied, a crease forming between his brows. “I'm not sure your brother is too fond of me.”

“Edmund is...” You sighed, resting your hands on your hips. “Edmund tends to be guarded. Many relationships in his life haven't panned out. With our mother leaving us and his wife—well, Willa has big dreams. She feels have been held back and blames him for that, by keeping them here in Saint-Thurney. So, sometimes, even when he does like someone, he gives them the cold shoulder.”

“He's waiting for the boot to drop.” He nodded, understanding.

“Exactly.” You hummed, grabbing the mop and dripping it into the soapy bucket. “Now, you need to skitter off my kitchen floor, so I can wash it.” You ordered, shooing him.

“Yes, ma'am.” Gus laughed, swiping his book off the kitchen table, gave you a grinning salute and made for the basement, casting one more look back at you, smirking as you started scrubbing the floor. “Do you want any help?” He asked, finding Edmund framing up the shelves against the cellar wall.

Edmund paused, a nail clamped between his lips, bracing his elbow against the board he was nailing, he took the one out of his mouth, answering. “Are you any good at building things?”

“I find my way around a saw, hammer and a nail.” Gus replied, looking around at Edmund's spread-out supplies. “Just tell me what you want done with them.”

“All right.” Edmund nodded, cocking a brow at him. “I need a few more boards cut. I already have them marked to length. You can do that for me.”

“Sure thing, Captain.” Gus replied, going into his makeshift room to set his book down. “What?” He asked the other man's look, lifting one of the pre-marked boards onto the sawhorses, finding the pencil measurements and grabbing the saw that rested against the leg beside him.

“Don't call me that.” Edmund growled, an angry glare in his eyes.

Gus held his gaze for a moment, a faint smirk on his lips. “My apologies.”

The two of them nodded at each other, then turned back to their work.

There was no afternoon walk to be had, the dark clouds from that morning broke open and saturated everything outside, shutting in the residents of Saint-Thurney. Your father continued to doze in his chair, unbothered by the weather pattering the roof like a percussion symphony. Gus and Edmund were still down in the basement, hard at work, coming up periodically for bathroom breaks and refreshments, and you sat at the kitchen table, sipping a cup of tea and getting lost in the world of Oliver Twist.

You paused, bringing your teacup to your lips and cast your eyes to the window by the door, sure you had heard something outside, above the rain and carpentry. But saw nothing and shrugged, taking your sip and set the cup down, returning to your sentence. However, a few moments later, you swore you heard it again; putting you on edge.

“Edmund!” You called out, slowly setting your book down, the hairs at the back of your neck began to stand up. You gasped, seeing three men flash by the window. “Edmund!” You shouted, startling your father awake, his eyes wide with panicked alarm.

A thunder of furious pounding sounded on the front door accompanied Edmund and Gus's boots stomping up the basement stairs, frantic and confused. You had rushed over to your father, in an attempt to calm him before he slipped into an episode of shock.

“It's the Patrol!” You cried, rubbing your father's back, eyes trained on the vibrating door, a stream of German demands now being shouted with their banging, mixed with accented French and English.

“Damn my eyes.” Edmund growled, gritting his teeth. “They must be doing random searches, thinking they can catch everyone inside with the weather.” He huffed, wiping at his sweaty brow and glancing at Gus, who seemed startling calm, but tense.

“We have to let them in!” You urged your brother, not liking how angry the Patrol sounded and knowing the longer you waited, the worse it would be.

“I know!” Edmund barked sharply, the gears in his brain spinning for a split second longer, before he took a long step forward and yanked the door open. “What's the meaning of this!? Are you trying to wake the dead?” He demanded, looking the three German Patrol officers over, the Sturmführer was red faced, and all of them were dripping from being forced to wait so long in the rain, for an answer.

“Inspections!” He snapped in Edmund's face, a small bit of spit hanging from his bottom lip.

“Yes, fine!” Edmund replied, rolling his eyes and shoving the door open.

No one moved as the three officers entered the cozy cottage. Your hand shook as it rested on your father's shoulder, periodically massaging it when you felt him tremble, still on the edge of a possible attack from his Shell Shock. Edmund eyed them from his place by the door, sweaty hands clenched into fists as he watched them conduct their inspections. More like a path of intrusive destruction. They yanked books off shelves, opened cabinets and tossed out their contents, pushed over furniture for amusement.

Even nicked things, when they thought the owners weren't looking.

Mael leaned forward slightly, mumbling to himself, causing you to frown. You tried to kneel down to bring your ear close to his mouth and listen to what he was saying, worried for him, but were stopped by one of the officers. He grabbed you roughly by the arm and yanked you up, barking something at you in German that you didn't understand.

“Please, he's not well!” You protested, tugging against him, desperate to care for your father before he slipped too far.

“Nein, bleib, Hexe!” He barked at you, making you cry out, his grasp tightening.

Before Edmund could blink, Gus was halfway across the kitchen, trained on the German holding you, like a bull seeing red. Snarling, with nostrils flaring, Gus twisted his fist in the officer's uniform and yanked them together. Forcing the other man up onto the tip-toes of his black polished boots in the process.

“Let her go!” He barked, giving him a good shake, for effect.

Startled, he let go, you tumbled to the floor at their feet, and rubbed at the burning handprint that was left behind. The air in the cottage thickened dramatically. One of the officer's comrades came rushing in from the garden, hearing the commotion, and fumbled for his sidearm. While their leader came flying downstairs.

“What is this!” The commanding officer demanded, glaring at Gus as he continued to hold his subordinate. “Put my officer down! At once!” He ordered, when Gus didn't move, showing no fear or reluctance towards the three of them, unlike you, Edmund or your father. “Who is this man?” He barked, looking between your brother and father.

“Answer me, at once!” He screamed, face turning red again. “Or I'll have him shot!”

“No!” You cried out, frightened. “Gus, let him go!” You begged him, pulling on his pant leg, desperately. “I'm fine, please!”

“Answer!” The officer growled at the lot of you, his limited patience wearing thin. “Oswin!” He hissed at his officer, who was now pointing his Walther p38 at Gus. “Shoot him!” He ordered, with a hard jerk of his head.

“He's my sister's fiancé!” Edmund blurted out, as Oswin pulled the pistol's slide back, his eyes wild in the heat of the moment, before collecting himself and saying more calmly. “He's just my sister's fiancé.” He gulped, meeting your eye as you looked up at him, stunned, and caught off guard by the omission.

“What man wouldn't protect his betrothed?” He asked the Storm Leader, moving his eyes to Gus.

“A lesser man.” Gus replied, taking the cue, then looked at the commanding officer. “And I'm not a lesser man, to have your filthy runt put his hands on my girl.” He growled, shoving the man away.

“Why have we not seen you before?” He demanded, looking Gus over.

“He was serving, but just returned home, after being wounded.” You explained to him, looking up at Gus. It was the easiest bit of information to give, for them to believe, Gus could show them his wound.

“Is that so?” The officer asked, cocking a brow.

“It is.” Gus answered, pulling up his jumper to show them his bullet wound. “I was wounded in Belgium and discharged. So, I came here to be with her and recover.”

“Can anyone other than those here confirm your story?” He asked, narrowing his eyes at the lot of you.

“Yes.” Edmund chimed in, feeling like the situation was on decent grounds. “Dr. Sacha Tremblay. He's been doctoring his wound since he's been back.”

“I will be checking and informing the Director General.” The Storm Leader warned the three of you, and the look in his eyes hinted at his misgiving, waiting for one of you to crack.

“Very well.” Edmund answered, his tone bland, shrugging one shoulder.

The senior officer stared the three of you down for a second longer, before looking to his men, inquiring in German if they had found anything. But the two replied in the negative. There was no contraband or anything that could get any of you in trouble as collaborators to the French Resistance or Allied Powers. Despite Gus standing right there in front of them, plain as day.

Whether they knew that or thought they had enough evidence to take you in, was another story entirely.

#henry cavill #henrycavill #Salt in Our Wound #Salt in Our Wound *fic* #gus march phillips #the ministry of ungentlemanly warfare #Gus/Reader #Gus & Reader #Gus x Reader #Gus March Phillips x Reader #Gus March Phillips & Reader #gus march Phillips x you #gus march phillips/You #Fluff #hurt/comfort #viking-raider fics #WWII #wwii era

[burninlovebutler]

Just an Intern // Part 4.1

pairing: austin x intern lol | word count: 4.7k-ish?

summary: the consequences of austin’s behavior catches up to him amidst battling the paranoia of an impending media shit storm. when a familiar stagehand nuance instigates a conflict, austin helps intern escape.

warnings/notes: usual angst, oral f receiving, jealousy, dom!intern / sub!austin ?? if you squint?, orgasm denial, protective!austin, physical altercation, 18+ mdni

notes: austin's POV was suggested / requested - i prefer/am better at writing in first person so, i really enjoyed doing this. writing from male character's perspective is something i love doing so - i apologize if it's not your forte. y/n is being addressed as Intern bc i want to make her an oc but am afraid of the commitment so lol i hope you give it a chance anyway ♡

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | see masterlist for all other fics ♡

vibes: just an intern playlist ⛓️

This girl is a gun, before you know it, it’s done

And you’ll be wishing that you crossed your fingers

- Girl is a Gun - Halsey -

-AUSTIN-

I closed Intern’s hotel room door behind me after our argument. I headed towards the front desk, scuffing my feet across the glossy wood floor, my hand gripping the handles of my duffle bag. The hallways of the lodge were always so vacant despite being overly booked. The silence only amplified the cycling thoughts in my head. I didn’t know what the fuck I was thinking – talking to her like that, talking about her like that. I didn’t know what comes over me when I was around her.

But I felt it that first day in the trailer, this insatiable feeling of hatred. Everything about her annoyed the fuck out of me, and yet all my body wants to do is get on my knees and bury my tongue in her pussy. I shook my head of the thought. That’s what I got for being on a social media detox. I thought of hopping on Hinge or whatever app just to find something to fuck. But decided against it – besides, we were stuffed like abominable snowmen in that fucking wooden cage. Another idea of finding one of the extras to hook up with lit up like a glass bulb in my head, but it quickly dimmed. Extras were too easy, and desperation seeped through their pores like dirty nicotine. There was no challenge, no fun. And so, it destined to be a long, lonely night.

Regardless of the confinement and inconvenience, this little unplanned vacation brought a much-needed gift – no service. At least very little and I didn’t bother paying for wi-fi. I needed a break from my managers, and the unforeseen weather anomaly gave me an excuse to ignore them completely. If I ignored the rumors that were festering like an open wound on Twitter or the looming tension of the next big scandal, maybe it would all go away.

I’d always been quite good at that – ignoring and avoiding anything that bothered me.

-

Thankfully the extra room was still available and once inside I swung my leather duffle bag onto a blue fabric-covered wingback chair. I let out a sigh and pressed myself against the wooden dresser that was identical to the one in the room I shared with Intern. I both felt and heard a loud hunger pain rumble in my stomach and that’s when I remembered that the last thing I had eaten was those fries from the night before. I tugged at my bottom lip with my teeth and tapped my fingertips along the dresser assessing my options. The memory of the heaping bowl of fries – drenched in salt and grease – looped in my brain. Layered atop that memory came a sense of guilt, I couldn’t tell if it was about the meal or my actions in the lounge bar. Either way it evoked the same response.

Another loud hunger growl ripped through me and I rolled my eyes at the dramatics of my empty stomach. I pushed myself off the wooden furniture and went to the glass-door mini fridge. I tugged it open and steal a branded water, cracking it open and taking a sip. The cold water immediately soothed the length of my esophagus and pooled satisfaction in my belly.

-4 Days Later-

When the snow melted, it took the peace of my cellular detox with it. Being snowed in on a mountain top was no longer a suitable excuse for neglecting the incessant phone calls and Twitter news updates from my management team. For those couple days in that stupid little lodge, I was able to just fucking breathe for the first time in months.

Not surprisingly, word got to the higher ups about the fight with her, they even heard about the small fight with Landon. I was reprimanded three separate times because of the events. If it weren’t for my integral role in the film’s publicity I would’ve surely been dropped. My career was hanging by a thread as it was, I needed to get my shit together. If anything got leaked it would collapse the shit storm that my team was so precariously balancing for me.

The three of us, Landon, Intern and I were all temporarily separated to different areas on set for the past few days. They finally brought on another makeup artist; a flamboyant man named Nick. Nick took over my makeup in the time we were separated. While he seemed to be relatively the same skill level as Intern, he was placed under her, making her his direct manager. I suppose he was the new “Intern” now, but she’d always be that for me – whatever that meant.

I regretted everything with her. Everything. The good and the bad. I didn’t know why I was so awful to her, only that she infuriated me so much.

And yet, I found myself noticing her absence on my side of the set. I noticed the lack of fluttery annoyance she usually brought and the quippy banter we’d exchange. I even noticed the quiet that filled the days without our incessantly heated back-and-forth. I noticed everything about her being gone. Perhaps noticed wasn’t the right word.

Maybe I missed the noise.

That morning we had new girls on set for some bar scenes and they needed more intricate makeup so, Intern was back in my domain. There was some unsettling feeling that came with her proximity, a confusion perhaps.

There were three new extras for this scene, a girl-next-door brunette, a freckly redhead and a busty blonde. On any other day, the blonde would be wrapped around my finger but today she was about as enticing as a plain bagel. That didn’t mean stop her though.

The petite blonde sporting frayed jean shorts and a plain white v-neck eyed me, while she stood next to the other extras and Intern. Her sauntered over to where I was leaned on my bike only a few feet from them. I squinted the sun out of my eye to look up at her, “Can I help you?” I asked, sounding more bothered than welcoming.

“Sure ya can darlin’” Her pink filled lips curled to a flirtatious smirk with a poorly mimicked southern accent.  “You can take me for a ride.”

I offered a small scoff, “Didn’t realize I looked like a ferris wheel.” The remark made her light brows scrunch in a confused way, like when a mall-santa claus is rude. I felt a pair of eyes on me instantly, but when I followed the feeling I was disappointed by the origin. Tom. He shot a warning glare reminding me that I needed to behave to prevent further repercussions. It annoyed me but it was a necessary reminder and I quickly turned on my press charm. I gave her a forced smile, “Sorry, I’ve just had a hard morning.” At least I was honest.

“It’s okay I forgive ya, my name’s Chloe.” The edges of her glossy lips turned upwards and stepped a foot at each side of my crossed ones. “Maybe I could make your day better.” Her suggestive voice quiet but not quite enough. My gaze wandered to Intern who’s face visibly twisted at the overheard remark but focusing on adding eyeshadow to the redhead’s eyes.

“Hey,” Snapped the blonde extra snapping fingers in front of my face bring my attention back to her, “I just gave you a pretty good offer and you can’t even look at me?”

Annoyance bubbled in me that I had swallow down.

Bitch I wouldn’t touch you with a 10-foot pole

-Is what I wanted to say but instead, “Sorry like I said, I had a shit morning.”

“Incredible, “ She sneered and propped her hands on her hips, “You’re exactly the monster the media portrays you to be.”

The last thing I needed was this dumb blonde who had only known me all of 5 seconds to be setting me off at 7 in the fucking morning. My jaw clenched holding back what I wanted to say but I knew my transparent poker face was giving away just how pissed I was getting. “Listen bi-“ I caught myself, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. “Chloe, you don’t know me at all, and I don’t think you should make assumptions of someone you barely know.” Attempting my best at keeping my temper tame.

An infuriatingly taunting cackle slipped her lips, “You know I didn’t believe the accusations, but I bet you really did everything that Madi-”

I shot up so fast I nearly knocked over my bike, “You don’t get to come on my set and talk to me like that, about shit you have no fucking idea about.” The hiss came out more apprehensive than I would’ve liked. I didn’t dare look over at Intern, I just prayed she wasn’t paying attention. I knew what she thought of me, she could think whatever she wanted. But her hearing any of the latest rumors swirling about me, would somehow be worse than anything I could’ve done to her.

She laughed at the fear in my tone, “Your set? You’re lucky you even landed this role with everything-“

“Who the fuck are you? You’re far too cocky for an extra, know your fucking place.” I growled, shoving past her and headed into the saloon set where we’d be filming.

I curled fingers so tightly into my palms as I heard steps following me, a vein pulsed in my forehead ready to burst open. I quickly pivoted back around, “What the fuck do y-” But instead of Chloe I found Intern, “Oh, hi.” My tone much softer, “What do you, um, what do you want?”

“I need to do your makeup.” She stated firmly while keeping her eyes focused on my chest, not looking at me.

“Right.” I nodded and followed her when she turned and walked towards her tented makeup station. I pulled myself onto the wood and fabric chair as she mixed up some foundation onto a metal palette. Then, she took a smooth flat brush and began painting the product down my face.

“So,” I hesitated as an awkward fog suspended in the air, “How’ve you been?”

She clenched her jaw and stayed silent.

“Isn’t it a little ridiculous that they separated us on set over a little rumor-”

“I see you found a new victim.” She sliced flatly, still not looking at me.

“Chloe?” I scoffed and her eyes snapped at me with a I’m-not-stupid glare. I sighed, I knew she wasn’t buying it, “Chloe? Are you kidding me?” I asked, then remembered how we got here in the first place.

She just raised her eyebrows in a ‘that’s not totally unbelievable’ kind of way.

I looked up at the tent as she patted makeup below my eyes with a small round brush. “If you think my taste is so low that I’d touch Chloe – you must not think very highly of yourself.”

She pressed her lips together before speaking again, “I just didn’t think you had standards, that’s all.” Her tone was light & bubbly, but the intention clearly wasn’t.

Anger began to pipe hot steam into my chest for the second time that early morning. I swore she tried to provoke me on purpose. My hands curled around the thick wooden arm rests and my nails dug into the grain. “And to think I almost missed you.” Her now powdered swiping motions halted as soon as she processed my words, her hand just barely trembling and her eyes locked on the area she was working. I couldn’t tell if I was mortified or glad that the words had left my mouth. Either way, it felt freeing, like I had finally told some secret I’d been hiding.

She continued finishing the work on my face in silence and stepped back. She set the black barreled brush down and kept her eyes low as she went to speak. “You’re done. Get out of my chair.”

-

I never thought pretending to seduce a pretty girl on screen would be as difficult as it was in my scene with Chloe. Regardless I felt Intern’s glare on me the entire time. My ego wanted to think it was jealousy but after what I pulled at the ski lodge and just before in the makeup chair, I knew it definitely wasn’t jealousy. Why the fuck would she be jealous after everything I’d done. Regardless, her stare burned like hot coals into my skin.

Directors cut for a 30 and I snatched a water bottle dodging every cast or crew member to find my bike. In the months of filming the vehicle had become some sort of comfort for me. Maybe it was me tapping into my character or the fact that it was the only thing that was constant, the only thing I could control.

I propped myself against the Harley unscrewing the cap of the bottle with a crack and taking a much-needed gulp. Before I could escape, Intern was making a b-line for me and I braced myself for whatever acid she was about to spew at me. But she walked past me, knocking my shoulder back and in a curt, but stern, tone, “I need to put something on your face.” Heading towards a trailer.

I let out a sigh, knowing whatever she was going to say would be even worse than I could imagine. I deserved it of course, but that didn’t make it any easier. I followed her to the trailer, pausing before the metallic door and taking a deep inhale before tugging it open. “We have no fight scenes Intern,” I exhaled clicking the door in place behind me, “What could you possibly need to put on my face?”

She straightened up, crossed her arms and puffed her chest out a bit appearing more intimidating, though there wasn’t much threatening about her. “Me.” She stated seriously, though her attempt at being menacing was almost comical.

“What?” I slightly stuttered not fully processing her words.

She shifted from one foot to the other before regaining her anger-fueled confidence. “I want to be on your face, I want to cash in my apology.” She blurted out quickly.

“I mean- I’m not saying no but just…why?” I questioned; I didn’t expect her to ever cash it in, nonetheless so soon.

“You and Chloe are fucking annoying and I just-“ Her was flustered, a light pink tinging her cheeks. Her fist balled at her side. “I don’t know, I just want my apology.” Her tone laced with false conviction. “I want my apology.”

“Okay…” I stated timidly, eyeing her wearily, “Are you sure?”

“Shut the fuck up and eat me out.” She sniped back, catching me off guard.

“Well I-“ Instinctively going to argue then realizing I had absolutely no problem with her request so, I shrugged, “Okay.” I looked her over, taking her in fully. I was trying to strategize how I was going to fulfil her request. She wore one of her flowy dresses, the ones that drive me insane – this one was powder blue with little white flowers. The dress hugged every part of her I enjoyed the most – it was tight around her waist and ruched around her full chest. The rest flowed down around her hips and thighs. I said a silent thank you to the universe for making it a warmer day. My gaze must’ve lingered on her too long because she took matters into her own hands.

“Jesus Fucking Christ.” She groaned impatiently, taking my face in her hands and practically smashing our lips together.

I let the inherent magnetism between us take over and took her face in my hands connecting our lips. She froze beneath my touch but quickly gave in, reciprocating the passionate kiss. Having her lips on mine again felt like a sip of cold water after a long drought – like an addict getting their first fix after sobriety. Her hands tangled into my perfectly styled hair for whatever scene I was meant to do next. Her tongue asked for entrance and I met hers voraciously. My hands trailed down to her sides and shoved her into the nearest wall. “Fuck.” I breathed out with my forehead pressed against hers. “I’m sorry.”

Her eyes fluttered up at me with flushed cheeks. “Make me believe it.”

My fingertips were on fire every place they met her skin, and I could’ve sworn I had become a vampire from how every part of me was screaming to sink my teeth into her neck. But the sugar high I was getting from her lips won the battle. Pulling away for a fleeting second, “I’m sorry.” I said against her lips.

Almost completely in sync, she wrapped her arms around my neck as I picked her up effortlessly pulling her legs around my hips. I carried her over to one of the empty makeup vanities and sat her on the edge – all while our lips were still locked with our tongues dancing in time. I drew away again, cupping her cheeks in my rugged hands, gazing down at her lust-dazed eyes, “I’m sorry.”

There was a glimmer in her eyes that made me think maybe she believed that one. “Beg for it.” She demanded.

My hands squeezed her thighs all the way up to her hips, pulling her dress up with it. I swiftly grasped her hips and drew her to the very edge of the table. I began peppering kisses down her neck, she tilted her head to the side for more access. “I’m sorry.” I mumbled against the skin below her ear and she let out a small whine.

“Keep going.” She breathed out, her body melting and reacting to my touch.

I pulled her skin into a suck, just soft enough to not leave a mark, “I’m sorry.”

“More.”

“I’m sorry.” Working my way down till I reached her collar bones. My hands trailed up her sides, lingering on the curves I liked most before they molded around her breasts. She let out another small moan as my thumbs traced over her peaked nipples through the sheer dress.

Her breath hitched as my lips savored every inch of her skin down her chest, “More.”

I kneeled in front of her, her legs easily parted for me and already had a damp spot on her baby pink panties. I trailed soft, but hungry, kisses up her thigh, accompanying each one with an apology. I hooked my index fingers at the waist band and slowly pulled down her panties down her legs, tossing them only a few feet from us.

“I’m sorry.” I mumbled against her lips and I could feel her writhing beneath my mouth. I drew my tongue slowly up her folds, tasting the juices I thought I’d never taste again. I let out a grown from her flavor and it gained a hand tangled in my hair, rougher than normal.

I swirled my tongue over her clit and she let out a surprised moan. “Fuck, Austin.” She struggled to get out. Her response only fueled my work on her. My tongue swirled around her swollen nub and my hand traveled up her thigh. I teased her at her entrance with my middle and ring finger before slowly sliding them in. She let out a slow whine as they slid inside her and began pumping into her sweet spot. In a rhythmic manner, my fingers and tongue danced where she needed me.

“You taste so fucking good.” I hummed against her heat as her juices filled my mouth and ran down my fingers. She tasted sweet, sweet like honey and I ate her like I had an insatiable sweet tooth.

My work on her distracted me from how hard I was, painfully restrained in my jeans. My free hand went to unzip them to fuck myself while I devoured her, but she tugged at my hair. “No.” She growled. “This an apology is to me, and you don’t deserve to feel good.”

This was new for me. I’d never had a woman talk like to me during sex before. But there was something so fucking sexy about it and it only made my cock throb more for her.

It seemed her little shift into dominance turned her on just as much as it did me, her moans increasing in volume and her hand gripping my hair-spray drenched hair. I knew she was close with the way her walls clenched around my fingers and her legs trembled around my head. I gazed up at her as she began coming undone – I always thought women were their most beautiful in the throughs of their orgasm, but this was different. The way she glowed in her climax made me want to keep making her look like that. She was angelic and her moans were harmonies – the sort of songs you just want to replay over and over, practically getting high off of them.

Sometimes I would get this twist in my stomach when I’m in business meetings where I know the executives are swindling me, or when I’m in interviews and I can tell they’re going to butcher my words for a scandal. In college I’d get it when I was at parties that would get raided or in high school when intimidating seniors would corner me. That looming churn bloomed in my stomach whenever I was in danger – and I could feel it when I looked at her just then.

Once she was finally spent, I hesitantly pulled myself up from the floor and wiped the excess juices from my mouth. I watched her, disheveled with her chest heaving, still coming down from the high. “So, am I forgiven?”

Her hooded eyes weakly reached mine. I expected there to be more light in them than before, I expected them to be softer and less angry. She pulled herself off the table and smoothed out her dress before looking me dead in the eyes, “No. Not even close.” She took a step closer to me. “But it’s definitely a start.” She spoke with a tone that felt like I was just the gum under her shoe.

She glared at me as if she was disgusted with how I made her feel and tugging the hefty trailer door open and disappearing behind it. It was only then that I realized how utterly foolish it was to think that eating her cunt would erase all the damage I’d done.

I recognized that warning sign in my stomach when I looked at her.

She was a warning I needed to head.

-3 Days Later-

We were stationed along a long dirt road getting various riding and chase scenes. Bikes lined the side of the sandy road having to cut scenes constantly due to the still wet mud from last night’s unprecedented rain gunking up our tires and covering the ever-important sponsored logos on the bikes. The excessive wind whipping sand against us was also causing interruptions as Intern had to keep cleaning us up and reapplying. Between the shitty weather, the constant interruptions, and our fucking directors still hounding my ass harder since the ski lodge debacles, the day was not going well, and my patience was wearing thin.

I stood just beside my bike, trying to just breathe through the aggravation from the last cut as Intern used a brush to flick off the sand that had built up on my face. She used her pinky to dust off some extra then returned to the brush. Even though the brush was probably the softest thing I’d ever felt, it still mimicked steel wool compared to her touch. Out of everything that happened between us, and out of every memory that would make itself known to me, her touch was the one that lingered the longest. Sure, I thought about that night in the hotel where my cock was buried inside her as she rode me, or when I chained her to the trailer door… I thought about them a lot. But the ones that flickered constantly in my brain like flashing clicks of paparazzi cameras, was us in the hot tub or on the floor of that disgusting restaurant we broke into. My body seemed to remember her warmth on me when she was clinging onto me in the tub or when she held my face as I kissed her on the floor.

I’d never had memories or fantasies rile me up just as much as sexual ones. But my hands burned at the thought of touching her again, they ached just to be on her. I felt it when she was near me, when she touched me. It was magnetic. My cock craved her, of course, but my hands did too – it was something so foreign to me. And I fucking hated it.

It couldn’t happen again. I couldn’t let this happen again. Especially not after the warning siren that blared in the pit of my stomach every time she looked at me. One bitch was already on track to nearly ruin my career, I didn’t need another one. And from our track record, Intern wasn’t looking like the safest option anyway – already causing me fuck up in front of our cast and crew.

She was a warning I needed to head

I just needed to make it through the holidays and the rest of shooting, and I’d be done. I could forget all about her.

I kept my eyes on the floating clouds above us, just letting my thoughts flow in my head when I heard my bike engine rev and felt a splash of thick mud coat the side of my body. The sharp squeal from Intern told me she’d been hit too. “What the fuck!” Looking over at a stagehand, Ryan, the same one from the truth or dare debacle, being the only evidence of a culprit with hands on the vehicle.

He let out a cocky laugh, “Sorry man, was just tryin’ to clean up the bike.”

“You ruined my brushes!” Exclaimed Intern as she looked over the leather brush roll that thankfully covered all the products inside the cosmetic case. While the products inside were safe, her entire arsenal of tools were covered in mud.

This was the tipping point of the day, everything that had pissed me off culminated into the rage that coursed through me. The fact that it was Ryan and that I was now coated in mud, but most of all it was the mud on Intern’s brushes. I made it into Ryan’s face faster than I thought and grabbed him by his shirt. The threats from the directors and management were now faint memories as I held his shirt wrapped around my wrist. “What the fuck were you thinking.” I growled in his face.

“Austin! Let him go!” Shouted one of the crew members but I was too blinded with anger to decipher who.

“Who fucking told you you could touch my bike?” My fist tightening around the dark material.

Yet Ryan looked unbothered, “Sorry man, was just tryna clean it up.” He repeated though his voice was laced in competitive snide.

“Austin!” An even more aggressive shout, “Take a thirty!”

“I can’t work on anything more!” Perked up Intern shouting across set, her forced innocent voice didn’t fool me, she was livid. “My brushes are fu- ruined!”

“Fine. All three of you, call it a day. Go home.” Followed by a ‘Jesus fucking Christ’ muttered beneath the director’s tone.

I released Ryan’s shirt and shoved him back, “Fine, I’m fucking out of here.” Rounding the bike, throwing my leg over it and kicking off the stand.

Before I even moved, I glanced over at Intern looking absolutely defeated and furious, picking through her now destroyed tools.

“You comin’?” I asked over the engine rumbling, and she snapped her head up. Her frustrated watery eyes swirled with conflict; I knew she didn’t want to come with me, but I could get her out of there. She looked around weighing her options and ultimately her anger won. Her gaze landed on Nick, who gave her a little nod saying ‘I got this, go ahead’.

She quickly paced over to me, “Get me the fuck out of here.” She snapped in a whisper, and swung her leg over behind me, wrapping both arms around my torso.

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If you'd like to be tagged in Part 4.2 + further parts, please comment 🩶

thank you all SO much for all the love and support on this story, it has truly been overwhelming. i know my numbers aren't as big as others but they're big to me - appreciate EVERY comment, message, ask, etc. even if i’m not the best at replying 😭 i love you guys so much - i never expected this fic to get that much attention so again, thank you xx

if you enjoyed this story/my writing pls consider giving my main fic, Forever Winter, a read - if you like angsty sad smutty you’ll probably like it lol

also pls consider giving this a like, comment or reblog ♡

#sorry this took forever 😬 4.2 is much better i promise 😭 #i highkey don’t like the moodboard lol #i also highkey don’t like the way i ended this but it’s bc it’s cut in half #so idk sorry lol #just an intern series #austin butler #austin butler fic #austin butler fanfic #austin butler fan fiction #austinbutler #austin butler fanfiction #austin butler x oc #austin butler x fem!oc #austin butler x y/n #austin butler x you #austin butler x reader #austin butler smut #austin butler fluff #austin butler angst #enemies to lovers #just an intern #just an intern fic

[archiveoftara]

Are you okay?

Tag : @hufflepuff1619

AU: My first request one shot fic. I hope I did justice. Reader's first case and Lockwood makes sure the reader is alright. Hope you like it!!

"Are you okay?"

You looked at the boy, standing at the door, concern painted all over his face.  

"I'm fine." You hid your nervousness. 

You were sitting in the living room of an agency called Lockwood and Co. Involuntarily shaking your knees. Your mind was running a thousand miles per second. This was your first case, it's normal to be nervous. 

You got this job last week. You came from a small town with nothing but a rapier and a dream. You first discovered your talent when you were seven years old. 

You were playing in the field with your friends when you touched a tree and saw a man hanging from it. That's when you discovered you have talent.

Also, It was a horrifying thing for a kid to see but it intrigued you, instead. Since then, you wanted to be an agent. 

Anyways, it's almost time to leave for work. Lockwood calls your name, breaking your train of thoughts. 

"Hi," Lockwood muttered.

"Hey.." 

"are you..okay?"

"I'm okay but I'm nervous." 

"I could tell. It's normal to be nervous. I was too, when I got my first job." 

Really?"

He nods, not leaving your eyes. You gave him a smile. You don't have a choice but to be confident. You don't want to lose this job

"Ah home for tonight." George sighed while settling the bags. 

"We still have half an hour in our hands. Fancy some tea?" You asked. You received some enthusiastic nods as a response and made yourself to the kitchen.

You pop the kettle and settle on the counter. You closed your eyes and touched a few items in the kitchen, looking for some clues.

"Find anything?" Lockwood peeks inside the kitchen.

"Not yet" 

When you opened your eyes, you found Lockwood making tea and handed you a cup. You sipped your tea, content with the warmth it gives to your heart. One thing you love about Portland Row is the tea. Lockwood makes the best tea but you can't reveal this to anyone. If George finds out he will be pissed off, he takes pride in his culinary skills.

"Shall we?" Lockwood gives you his hand.

"We shall." 

It was harder than you thought. The visitor is strong and fast for some reason. You and Lockwood are trying to fight off the visitor while George and Lucy are looking for the source.

"WATCH OUT." 

You dodged and swung your rapier on the Ghost. "Lockwood, I don't think there's only one visitor." 

Before he could process you pushed him to the corner and threw a salt bomb on the ghost which was standing behind him. Lockwood was startled for a moment but he regained his composure.

Soon, both of you were fighting off the visitors in such ease, it's like a dance routine. It's like you both are meant to be together. 

"WE FOUND" 

You heard Lucy from across the room.

"Take your time to secure it, no pressure." With a dash of sarcasm you swung your rapier for the last time. It was gone. The visitors disappeared, the room went quiet. You can only hear your heavy breathing. 

You tried to stand but you fell on your knees, you felt a sharp pain in your waist. You touched it and felt warm blood oozing from your wound. 

"(Name),are you okay?" Lockwood gave you his shoulder, pulling you off the floor.

"I don't remember how..i hurt myself." 

"Don't talk right now. I'll patch you up, hold on." 

You're back in your room, sitting in your bed watching Lockwood practically running around the house. Looking for a med kit. You shook your head in exhaustion. 

"Lockwood I'm fine." 

The rustling stopped for a moment, you thought maybe he left and went outside the house but you were met with heavy footsteps.

"Fine?" 

You looked up with your droopy tired eyes. You saw Lockwood taking a seat in front of you.

"You're far from fine." He grimly said. "May I?" He gestured to your shirt. Silently asking to remove it. You nod in response. 

He helped you take it off, he didn't meet your eyes and you also felt the wall beside you looked interesting. He silently cleaned up your wound, muttering in his breath. 

You felt the tension inside the room so high, you might die from lack of oxygen. "You scared me." 

You looked at him in astonishment. "Lockwood.."

"If you say 'fine' one more time, I won't talk to you" he huffed. It made you smile. 

He's so cute

"I'm sorry. I should've protected you better."

"It's not your responsibility to protect me, Lockwood" 

"It's my name written on the door. It's my responsibility to protect my employees" 

You couldn't figure out why the word 'employee' hurt you a little. 

After patching you up, he sat beside you. 

"You saved me but I couldn't protect you. I'm sorry." He looked so guilty it broke your heart.

"I'm sorry. I'll be more careful next time" you gave a reassuring smile to him. 

You both remain quiet for a while, silently enjoying each other's company. 

"Does it hurt?" 

" Yeah a little, but I'll be alright soon. I think I'll just lay down a bit." 

"Oh yes, yes." He helped you lay on the bed. He tucked you in, literally. You blushed at his actions. 

"Are you really fine?" 

"Lockwood for the love of God, I am fine. Please don't worry so much." You cried.

"I..was just making sure you're okay. Jesus." Nonchalantly, he replied. 

He got out of your room and closed the door only to open it again. 

"Are you okay, name?" This time he's just annoying you. 

You threw a pillow at his face but before it hits him, he shuts the door and laughs mischievously. You smiled to yourself and went to deep slumber.

#lockwood x you #anthony lockwood #lockwood and co #fanfic #lockwood x reader #anthony bloody lockwood #lockwood netflix #anthony lockwood x reader #fem reader #oneshot #reqs open #fandom #locknation

[a1asta1r]

Island of the slaughtered fic centered around Noah and Bridgette 💪💪

I wrote it in an hour so sorry if it’s bad </33

Warning for the fic in tags if both this post & the fic!

#island of the slaughtered #total drama #tdi #td noah #td bridgette #warnings: #mentions of drowning #mentions of burning #mentions of stabbing #death #it’s not showing any of the deaths but it does talk about them a bit

[radiowallet]

Meant to Be - Part 4

The Development

Pairing: Oberyn Martell x Ellaria Sand, Eventual Oberyn Martell x Fem!OC (nameless, third person) Summary: Can a match of two soul mates develop to more? WC: 6.7 K Warnings: 18+ MDNI Canon-typical violence, grief, death, political intrigue, arragned marriage, drinking, mentions of food, vaginal sex. Arguing. Yearning. Feelings. Angsty feeling yearning feelings, friends. These two are so in it. Oberyn Martell comes with his own warning.

To be notified of new fics and updates follow @radiowallet-writes and turn on notifications.

A/N: As always, a few things to keep in mind: This is an alternate universe that takes place after the main events of the show. Bran is still king of Westeros. Sansa is still queen of the north. Oberyn lives. Doran never had any children. Our Fem!OC is from Winterfell, but she is not a Stark and is a blank canvas physically.

Masterlist II Series Masterlist

Part 3 >>> Part 5

I trace the curves of your heart

Learn them and know them

Our friendship is meant for more 

To develop and grow and feel so much more

Elia was ever-present in Sunspear; too alive to be a ghost, too quiet to ignore. Oberyn can still hear her at the top of the stairs, her high voice calling for their mother’s input on a dress or an opinion on a necklace. He can still see her sneaking around the corner of the kitchen, long hair whipping away as she sneaks a piece of candy, the cooks chasing her with poorly veiled smiles. He can feel her in the drifts of sand beneath his feet, the sting of salt against his skin, the rise of the tide meeting him here as she once did.

He’s there now, walking along the same shore line they chased each other down as children, their laughter still tracing the crash of each wave. Elia is ever-present, his one constant, and despite the distance between them, Oberyn is reminded how different his life is without his older sister waiting just a few steps ahead of him. 

Doran has called his sentimental longing foolish too many times to keep track, the frequency more deliberate with every passing day. His humor surrounding the issue seemed to grow darker with each shake of his hand; every pain in his joints, every wheeze from his lungs. It is all Oberyn can bear, to listen without commentary as he watches the only sibling he has left wait outside death’s door. 

“Perhaps Elia had it right,” Doran half-joked, his eyes distant, his smile gone. “If one dies young then there is no risk of growing old.”

The joke had ended an already tense council debriefing, Oberyn very quickly losing his taste for his brother’s company. He could feel old wounds billowing up his throat and threatening to spill from his lips, suddenly too tired to remain in the presence of Dorne’s high council. 

He had taken to the beach soon after, desperate to walk in solitude. There was the smallest of hopes he could sort through the shambles of his guilt and anger and frustrations alike, but the scenery only seemed to spur his hostility forward. 

The storm that had been brewing overnight loomed larger by the second. The early summer warmth had turned clammy, cold wind churning the waves higher and higher still. Hazy clouds sit heavy at the bottom of the skyline, distant strikes of white lightning jumping from one to the next. 

Oberyn welcomed the sight, the rising waves a violent match to his anger. 

His privacy is snatched away, interrupted halfway down the beach, the presence of her, unexpected and uninvited. She’s sitting in the sand, the tide slipping closer to her bare feet with every wave that rushes in. She seems oblivious to the change in weather, her gaze pointed at her knees, one of her pathetic pieces of parchment held awkwardly, as she tries to keep the wind from carrying it away. 

Oberyn watches her sweep a piece of charcoal back and forth, her eyes flicking up to the waves and back down, the shape of them clearly escaping her. He casts his own glance at the skyline, daylight bleeding darker, despite the early hour. The storm will be here sooner than expected, and despite her critical eye, she seems oblivious to the dangers racing towards the shore. 

He moves across the sand, steps awkward and slanting, pitching his voice as loud as he can to combat against the crash of the sea.  

“Have you a secret wish to drown?”

She changes the course of her eyes to his towering stance, just long enough to give attention to his question then refusing to answer. Oberyn flails his arms, growling out a curse and spitting at the sand, all as the foamy sea inches rapidly towards them both. 

He does not allow himself to consider patience as a solution. 

“You are to return to the palace this instant.”

“Husband and soulmate you may be but you are not my keeper, Oberyn Martell.”

“For fucks…this is not a negotiation! There is a storm moving in!”

“Then let it come.” 

Oberyn curses again, moving against the wind to snatch the parchment away, the blunt charcoal flying in the opposite direction. He cuts off her protesting cries, pointing back towards the direction of the palace. 

“Now!”

“I am not some child for you to order about!” She shoots up, moving to push at his chest, her anger sparking in a flash, her face twisted into a new kind of annoyance. She tries to grab for the parchment crushed in his fist, but succeeds only in falling more into his arms. 

“A child would have the wherewithal to listen,” he sneers, one hand wrapping easily around both her wrists. “Instead I have a wife who ignores all sense and reason!”

Her lips curl into a smile, sickly sweet mockery coloring the laughter she blasts into his face. The sound is roguish, cutting across him in swift slaps just as the first drops of rain hit his cheeks. She leans in, just enough for the tip of her nose to ghost along his own, her breath hot where it mingles with the cold sea air. 

“Let us not pretend you are here out of any matrimonial obligation.”

She does not give him time to respond, wrenching her hands away and moving around him, heading back towards the palace just as he had asked her too. Oberyn turns just in time to see her retreating back, the wind whipping the tails of her silk dress into a frenzy, the rain soaking the red fabric, bleeding it black. 

He would love nothing more than to stand and admire her figure all while the thrashing, crashing storm drags him out to sea, the lasting image of her beautiful fury burned into his heart, but Oberyn Martell refuses to give up his right to the last word. 

“We chose this!”

She does not give pause as he jogs after her, picking up her pace to avoid the grab of his hands. He curses again, wiping his hand down his face, the rain pounding harder with each passing second. He shakes his hands, moves faster, and this time when he reaches out for her, his hold is true. 

“We made a choice! Yours! And mine!”

“Choice?” She yells, rain water clinging helplessly to her lips, her lashes, the apples of her cheeks. “You speak of choice? Don’t you see, husband? There never was! That right was taken from us the moment our hands touched! Perhaps even long before!”

Oberyn looks down where his hand is still wrapped tightly around her arm, even the heavy drops of rain unable to break between the touch of their skin. The rain continues to fall, soaking them to the bones, but it hardly matters. Without warning, he is taken back to the altar of their wedding and that very first touch of hands. 

His head is above water. 

He can breathe. 

“Why the desperation to keep me safe? Why?” Her voice cracks, breaking around her words, eyes watery and lips trembling.

“Because,” he starts, the answer coming as naturally as the beat of his heart “you are my –”

He stops. He chokes.

He thinks he sees a smile, just the smallest, before she pulls away from him for good. 

He forgets to swim for fear he may drown. 

———

“How has your time in Dorne been thus far, my lady?”

She glances to where Prince Doran watches her, his goblet poised just before the split of his lips, eyes warm in the glow of the candle light. When the invitation to dine with her new brother in law had come this afternoon her nerves had been tangled hopelessly, her and Oberyn’s nasty words still sitting heavy in her gut. 

The storm that he had promised was still raging outside her bedroom windows as she traced the elegant turn of Doran Martell’s quill, only the ends of his letters breaking into a jagged etch. As the lightning crackled in the distance, her heart thundering with the regret of cruel honesty, she wondered what it could be that the current Lord of Sunspear had hoped to discuss.

She had accepted, reluctantly unsure, but in hindsight she is glad she did. Doran is a kind man, a shrewd lord and a protective brother. It was clear after only a short time in his presence that he loved fiercely if quietly, and that love now extended to her.

“It has had its ups and downs, my lord, but the weather is agreeable and everyone has been so kind.”

“You are quite generous, my lady, but I must confess, you are an atrocious liar.” 

Heat creeps slowly up her cheeks, and she ducks her head for a bite of roast meat in a pitiful attempt to avoid Doran’s eyeline. She can feel his smile pinned to the crown of her head, the silence thick with intent between them. Finally she can take it no more and she chances a glance back in his direction. 

“Neither of us really prepared for this possibility.”

“Oh, I don’t think finding your soulmate is truly something you can plan for,” he reasons, and even though his tone is teasing, she takes it in stride, matching his smile with her own small one. 

“Is this truly the worst kept secret in Westeros?” 

Doran laughs, loud and deep, his head tilted back, eyes closed, and for just a breath of it, she thinks how very alive he looks, eyes bright and smile wide. But then his laughter breaks, a cough disrupting the moment, stealing the joy momentarily from the room. The prince is quick to recapture it, his hand finding hers, halting the lift of her cup and ensuring her attention is fully on him.

“My brother has a good heart. I think by now that is something we can agree on.”

She takes the time to release her goblet, turning her hand to clasp Doran’s just so, squeezing around his grasp to assure him of her attention. 

“But he is impetuous. It is the worst and best of him. In this he needs the trust of those around him.”

“Trust?”

“A far more difficult gift to give than love, but I can promise you, Oberyn would not take either for granted.” 

With that, he releases her hand, freeing her to reach for her wine again. She does, taking a long sip, letting the sweet taste of plums sit heavy on her tongue as she considers all that remains to learn of her husband. 

———

Oberyn trails the pad of his finger slowly up then down, gooseflesh forming in his wake as he maps the slope of Ellaria’s breast. Her breath comes in stuttering drags, parting her lips as he follows the same path along her other tit. He leans in, close enough to let his hot breath hit the pebbled peak of her nipple, a gasp rising up and out of her. 

“You are insatiable tonight,” she sighs, long fingers carding through his hair, a soothing motion that does little to curb his appetite. 

“Could one ever tire of such a decadent indulgence?” He emphasizes his point without hesitation, lips sealing around her nipple, tongue swirling a delicate pattern around the sensitive heat of her skin. 

“Then have your fill, my love,” she coos, pulling him up and over her, her lips tracing the length of his neck. 

He fills her slowly, inch by inch, relishing in the tight clench of her pussy around his cock. She is soaked, drenched in her own release and filled with his, the evidence of their night together sticky sweet between them. 

Oberyn could have her a thousand different on a thousand different nights. He could bury himself between her legs and drown on the taste of her, her tempered voice and supple skin wrapped around him from every end. Ellaria Sand has seen him in his best and his worst and all there could ever be, and still she stays by his side. He does not deserve the adoration she heaps upon him, the gifts of her body and mind and soul, when it is his own hands that are so very empty in return.

Something snaps inside him, a tipping point that dips the scales too heavy to one side. He grinds his hips down hard, teeth and tongue scraping along the delicate skin of her neck, the steady beat of her heart printed on his lips. He molds his body to her own, one hand bruised into her side, the other cradling the curve of her head, the two touches so diametrically opposed. 

A heavy storm crashing into soft mounds of sand.

“I want to feel you. Please, my love, let me feel you come again.”

Ellaria’s hips rise to meet his own, the tight grip of her cunt stronger with each thrust of his cock inside her, her mewls of pleasure drowning out the slap of their skin. They hold each other close and rock together, lips gasping as they crash together between panting pleas for more harder yes and more still. 

It does not matter that this is the third time he’s had her tonight – there is a certainty he will have her soon again – when the waves of their release crash into them, it is blinding, unfettered heat clinging to their skin as he fills her with his seed. 

It is later, much more so, the sunset finding the strength to break through the last of the storm clouds, that Oberyn finally rests, his head finding purchase along the plush give of Ellaria’s thighs. 

He breathes in the scent of her skin and licks the taste of phantom rainwater from his lips, his eyes heavy, his limbs loose. His robes are still piled at the foot of the bed, charcoal fingerprints staining the gold stitching, possibly forever. 

He thinks he could sleep, long and hard and deep, and yet he surprises himself when he instead chooses to speak.

“How is it that I lo—“ He cuts his own words off at the knee, refusing to say them out loud. “I hardly know her?”

The lightest touch finds the curve of his cheek, tracing the corners of it down to his chin and back up again, Ellaria’s tone giving him the answer in the form of a thinly veiled joke. 

“If only there was a solution to that very easily fixed problem, my prince.” 

———

The knock on her door is tentative, half insistent but with no discernible rush to it. She half expects one of the girls on the other side, the youngest two taking a shine to her during the many hours spent with Ellaria in the citrus groves, bonding over silly drawings and flower crowns. But when she pulls the heavy door open, it is not the wide eyes of a little girl she meets but the cunning ones of her soulmate. 

For a second she does not know what to say, the roof of her mouth tacky, the lingering taste of her honey tea still clinging to her tongue. She licks her lips to no avail, words failing a second time as she stares at the man she calls husband. He appears as tired as she feels, dark rings circling the curve of his eyes, his shoulders hunched, his robes just barely cinched shut, and his hand wrapped around…

“I brought you paint.”

She sees it now, small bottles clutched in his left hand, each one filled with liquid rich shades of reds and blues and yellows. He holds them up higher, their jewel tones catching in the early morning light, and suddenly she can see it so clearly in her mind – crashing waves and burning sunsets and the plush velvet of a throne – coming to life in vibrant blooming color beneath her fingertips. She opens her mouth and wishes desperately for the ability to say something. 

Anything. 

But her voice fails her yet again.

“They’re used mostly for shields and armor, but I thought maybe…you…” 

Oberyn’s words trail off, his weight shifting from one foot to the other. He grunts, drawing her eyeline back to his own, and she does her best to read the expressions drawn across his features. 

A small frown drags his lips down and away from the blush atop his cheeks, his brows caved in where he seems to be worrying over what to say next. Just as she thinks maybe she should push the door open wider, perhaps offer her husband more than just a blank stare and thick silence, he speaks again, an edge cutting across his tone, the plush of his lips pouting in the most dramatic fashion.

“Am I truly to be punished forever?”

If possible, the silence grows even thicker, the pair of them trapped in an impossible match of wills, every ridiculous and cruel thing they’ve said to one another sticking heavy and honest between them.

And then they are both laughing. Short, broken spurts of it, that grow louder with every breath they pull in, until the room is filled from corner to corner, the sound mixing with the bright yellow of sunlight and washing away the bitter taste of honey and replacing it with something so much sweeter.

———

Oberyn hovers towards the center of the room, close enough to see her but just far enough to keep his restless hands at bay. He had been surprised when she had pushed the door open, inviting him in and as equally surprised when he accepted. 

She kept her quarters tidy, save for the small writing desk at the far end of the room, its sturdy top covered in broken charcoal, stains of ink, and scraps of parchment. The doors to the balcony were opened wide letting in every drop of sunlight available so early in the morning. It also gifted them both a gracious view of the lemon groves, the sound of the waves of the Dornish sea crashing in the distance.  

He watches in interest as she sets the little jars of paint down in a neat row along the sill of a window, a heavy trunk set just beneath that she kneels upon to balance herself. She touches her fingertips to each one, as if to imprint herself upon the colors captured in the little glass jars, eyes distant as her mind begins to create. 

He knows now the paint had been the right choice. He had wandered the markets in search of a gift for hours, all manner of trinket for him to choose from. Dresses and jewels, yards of silk, spools of gold, endless options fit for a princess. But then he thought of charcoal stains, of hectic scratches on scraps of parchment, of eyes that searched the horizon for an answer to some unasked question. 

The paints had cost pennies but Oberyn was certain. They were priceless. 

She takes care with each one, eyes flitting from the luscious colors to the open window and back to him, her lips parting around an unspoken question. He wishes she would speak it now and end his misery, the tension from earlier having made the smallest of returns after she invited him over the threshold of her quarters. 

Oberyn knows it was untoward to appear at her door with no notice. Wife and soulmate she may be, but the unfamiliarity lent itself the strangeness of it all. He had felt landlocked when she left him behind on that beach, trapped from moving in either direction until the matter of their match had been broached upon. 

“Prince Oberyn?” 

She calls to him, straightening to her full height, twisting the jar of red between her fingers, eyes searching him in quiet observation. He steels himself for her questions of why, of how and when, fingers flexing around the tendrils of his nerves, his lungs too tight to draw breath.

“Thank you.”

“You are welcome, my lady.”

Breathing comes just a little bit easier after that.

———

“What is it you are reading, my lord?”

Oberyn glances up from the thick book laying open in his lap. The text is resting on his legs, criss crossed comfortably on the tiled floor of her balcony, and a bored shrug tilts his shoulders in one direction.

He had taken to stopping by her quarters regularly, coming and going much in the same way he had the very first time, something small to offer clutched in his hands. A bundle of paint brushes one morning, fresh rolls of thick, white parchment the next.

He had made a swift and awkward exit after each visit, her offer of a cup of tea politely declined with thin excuses and increasing embarrassment. His voice cracked as he rambled about needing to meet with Doran about all manner of things from trade negotiations to border disputes to what the cooks should make for supper. It would have been endearing if the rejection had not left her feelings so sore. 

An issue in and of itself.

But before he left he always took pause, one foot still inside the doorway, his head turned just enough to catch her eye. 

“What are your plans for tomorrow?”

This morning he came with a heavy tome under his arm and a bowl of fresh berries in the other, and this time when she offered him a cup of tea, he somehow found the words to agree. The tension felt just as broad as it had the day prior, stocky and wide spread between them. She paid it as little mind as she could, pushing the door wide enough to allow the prince entry. 

He had made himself comfortable, seated on the floor, the fruit set in front of him and his book splayed open, almost immediately engrossed in the elegant print set before him. She stood off to the side, one new paint brush held tight to her chest as she tried to fight the almost-memory of her body curled into his lap in place of his studies.

A ridiculous notion considering she has no real way to draw upon such an image. 

For a while they remained quiet; only the sound of a page turning rising to meet the sound of paint on parchment. But as the sun danced higher and higher into the sky, she swore she could feel Oberyn’s eyes on her, diverting his studious gaze from the words on the page to the paint on her parchment. She was making similar motions in kind, admiring the streams of sunlight as they kissed along the tops of his cheeks, his plush lips moving in time with whatever had captivated his attention so. 

“I am attempting to learn more about soulmates.”

“Do the histories cover these matters?”

He hums, turning a page slowly, but his eyes stay on her. 

“They do, but it is not a history book I have brought with me, but one of poetry.”

This gives her pause.

“I do not think the poets are a wealth of facts, husband.” 

For a second icy panic slips in between her heartbeats, worried that the intention of her teasing could be misrepresented by her blunt tone of voice, but he cuts that worry down at the knees, his own teasing smile breaching the corner of his lips.

“You would question them? Experts on true love?”

“I do not think it possible anyone save for myself can be an expert on my heart,” she muses, stirring the ruby red paint slowly, watching his features carefully for answers she was not quite ready to ask for.

“Then you have not been reading the right poetry, my wife.”

“Well then, I suppose you and I will simply have to disagree,” she chides, no venom to be had in her words as she turns back to her painting with finality. 

Behind her Oberyn laughs, the sound bright and sweet, unable to let anyone have the last word. 

“What else is new?”

———

They slip into this new routine easily enough, the agreement between them as unspoken as it is sure, meeting most days, allowing them the opportunity of one another’s company outside of all that is expected of them. 

Husband and wife. Prince and Princess of Dorne.  Soulmates.

But what of friendship?

———

“Why cherry wine?”

“It’s the only fruit that grows in the north.”

———

“It fascinates you.”

“Hmm?”

“The throne of Sunspear?”

He had grown restless with his reading, instead taking to aimless turns about her quarters as she fiddled with a crown of silk flowers — a gift for Loreza, not an ounce of hesitation in her admission.  

He had lingered at her writing desk, eyes raking over her odds and ends, small notes in slanted cursive and little doodles that kept more secrets than they shared. One particular piece caught his eye immediately.

She looks up from her delicate work, eyes focusing on the scrap of parchment in his hand, edges curling, charcoal smudged, but the image still clear. 

“I thought it was merely a chair,” she murmurs, eyes dropping back down, the confounding confession doing little to explain her fixation. 

He wants to pry, feels the urge pressing at the seal of his lips, but then she is looking at him again, the smallest glance of fear twisting her features.

“I dreamt of it…back at Winterfell.”  

For a second Oberyn is silent, a different sort of gravity settling on his shoulders as he takes in the weight of her words. After a moment’s brevity he licks his lips and laughs, short and hard and filled with mirth.

“It seems my poets have much to learn.”

———

“Why the red viper?”

“I like poison.”

“Clever.”

“Easy, wolf.”

———

“I still love Ellaria.” 

“I know. I feel it too.”

“Perhaps things would be easier if I did not.”

———

The summer heat refuses to break, even the shade of the lemon trees are not nearly enough to soften the harsh glare of the sun above. Ellaria’s hand is sweaty, her fingers slipping where they’re tangled together with her own as they walk slowly through the groves. The conversation had shifted from topic to topic before words were exchanged for silence, their shared company more comfort than anything else. 

Spending time with Ellaria had become an integral part of her life in the palace, the two women growing closer with each setting sun. They traded stories and secrets with equal give and take, finding common ground in their love of art, and taking part in spirited debates over the trivial goings-on of the Dornish court.

“Have you taken any thought on attending court? As princess you’re allowed certain funds towards your own aims.”

The pair slows, twin seats taken beneath a single wide branch, a sparkling pond at their back. She gives herself a moment to think on the question, so unsure of what would even be proper. It feels a decision that should be made with one’s head, an impossible feat with her whole being so entangled in matters of the heart. 

“Does anyone expect much from me? It feels as though I am meant to be merely window dressing. No one expects more than that. Not even myself; stumbling into my stations at every turn.” 

Ellaria does not take to her floundering with patience. She grabs both of her hands and holds tight, leaning in until she can feel the other woman’s breath on her cheek. 

“You, my dear one, are a friend to a queen, matched with a prince, raised side by side with wolves. Embrace it.” 

All she can do is nod, the advice as overwhelming as Ellaria’s insistent touch. They sit like that a moment longer, the sun still high, the sky so blue, another wash of silence engulfing them. The serenity stays with them until the shout of Oberyn calls their attention out towards where he is walking slowly towards them, a young girl at his side. 

He had been anxious the day prior, boundless energy pouring out of him as he paced the length of her quarters, unable to stop the smile splitting his features as spoke of Elia Martell. The feeling was ten fold inside her own heart, Oberyn’s own love for his daughters saturating her senses in the best way. 

The fourteen year old was home from the citadel, word of her uncle’s condition finally reaching her in the most western part of Oldtown. Ellaria had mentioned how the pair of them had not left each other’s side since she arrived late last night, the pair falling asleep mid-conversation, Oberyn’s arm tight around his daughter’s waist. 

They had woken early, intent on a ride across the sandy beaches, a moment the prince had been looking forward to greatly. 

“My El has no patience for her studies. In this we differ greatly. She is too wild for it. Would rather be on the back of her filly with the wind in her hair.”

She couldn’t help but wonder if the young girl would agree to take a ride with her at some point in her visit. Horseback was something she had only managed to master on the solid ground of a dense forest, but it would be untoward to ask a newly minted stepdaughter to help her find footing on the sandy dunes of Dorne? 

Another time perhaps, she muses to herself, happy to look on as the two of them laugh, their cheeks newly kissed by the sun, sand sticking to their boots and salt water dripping from their fingertips. 

Elia carries herself like her father, chin tilted high, sharp brown eyes and a rapt smile, her dark hair plaited elegantly down her back. She moves almost erratically, her steps wide then short, skipping around her father’s as they walk together. Ellaria watches with amusement, her own joy at having her oldest daughter home palpable. 

“He frets over all of them,” she shares, nodding in the direction of Oberyn and Elia. “But more so the ones he cannot keep close. Always anxious they would be pulled into some intrigue or another.” 

She nods, seeing firsthand how dangerous it can be to be an unmarried daughter in a world such as this one. Flashes of Sansa’s bright blue eyes, dulled from years of playing a pawn in her own life spring forth too fast for her to fight, and she can’t help the ache of loneliness she suddenly feels. 

Oberyn catches her eye at that very moment, brows creasing, his lips parting mid laugh as he takes her in from across the courtyard. Another sharp reminder of their bond, love and pain shared so equally it was difficult to know what went where and who was meant to keep it for their own. It was jarring, still catching her breath when she was caught so unaware. 

“He frets over other things as well,” Ellaria hums, a smile tilting across her pretty lips. “For instance, he still thinks there is a choice to be made.”

She does not look away from him, gaining casual ground as he and El move close enough to hear bits and bobs of their conversation, her eyes meeting his again beneath the bright sunlight break through the treetops. It burns, just a bit, but she finds that she cannot look away. 

“Foolish man.”

———

Oberyn is having difficulty concentrating. 

The day had been hectic, but in the most pleasant of ways, leaving him sated and at ease, the comfort of having his beloved El home with him again. She had spent the night before listening intently as he updated her on all that she missed in her time away, and in turn, the next morning he had told him of her studies at the citadel. 

He could not help how he chuckled at the fierceness in her eyes as she brushed the dirt and sand away from her horse’s slick coat, all but begging to cut her time there short. 

“I am not suited for an education, Papa. You must know my time is best spent elsewhere.”

Elsewhere, indeed. He feels grim at the thought, knowing what Elia craved was the cold steel of a lance in her hand, a challenge always burning at the tip of her tongue. It was his impetuous rage that she inherited, and perhaps in a different time he would allow her to abandon her studies in lieu of preparing for war. But times had changed, and though Westeros still felt as if on shaky ground, it seemed those days were set firmly in the past. 

As it was, an agreement had been struck. She would finish the last of the lessons she has been enrolled in, a duty she would honor. If at the end of it she still felt a thirst for something more wild in nature, then Oberyn would help her in any and every way he knew how. 

This satisfied her for the time being, throwing herself onto the back of the black filly, her easy smile returning, her sharp eyes already scanning the path that led from the stables down to the beach. 

“Next time,” she mused, a bit of nervous humor creeping along the edge of her words, “you should bring your new bride along.” 

The request was almost enough to knock him from his own steed, but he regained his composure quickly enough. 

Only to lose it again upon seeing his wife and his paramour lost in conversation beneath the shade of the lemon trees, hands clasped, foreheads barely a breath apart. 

His heart felt too full, flailing helplessly as watched the two women from across the courtyard. 

The feeling nipped at his steps for most of the day, easily set aside as he spent time with Ellaria and the girls. They had all retired for the evening, the younger girl’s desperate for their own time with their sister. He could hardly blame them for it, his own hunger for their company just as voracious. 

It made him long for a visit from the eldest of his three despite knowing that logic was the biggest factor at play. They would come when they could, a reality of parenthood he did not relish but accepted all the same. 

Alone for the evening, thoughts of his soulmate soon returned. There had a longing in her today, he had felt it strongly in the courtyard; a yearning he could almost taste for friendship and acceptance and the embrace of family.

It’s how he found himself in her quarters this night, watching as she went through the motions of her evening routine, sunshine traded in for the soft filtering of moonlight. It surrounded her in a stunning halo, encapsulating her beauty, and as distracted as he was, Oberyn finally felt a small fraction of peace. 

“What is in the trunk?” 

He had noticed it the first morning he had been allowed into her private space, the weathered wood thick and dark, a color not normally seen outside the hearty grounds of the north. He had a guess, more of an assumption really, but his restless mood was pushing him to tease. 

She casts the objection of his attention a sparring glance before giving him his answer. 

“My dowry.” 

He is up and across the room before she can squeak out a protest. 

“Is it not my husbandly right?” 

She bites her lip and scowls, both of them knowing that it very much was, even though no formal request for a dowry had been made. Oberyn had put his foot down on that; to equate a marriage to a sack of gold felt tacky and ill-suited, especially when the consideration that it was not born in love came into play. 

Not born into it, but certainly meant for it, Oberyn thinks, mostly in a joking manner. 

He flips the trunk open with a flourish, shooting her a wolfish smile over the turn of his shoulder before turning back around. Most of the contents are not surprising — a large bag of gold, a second of jewels — both he ignores. There are ribbons and stockings and robes, all folded neatly, perfect piles of silk and gauze left untouched. 

And nestled directly in the middle of it all is a dress. 

Shades of silver and grey and white, every bit a winter daydream, a vision Oberyn swears he can see at the forefront of his mind. He goes to lift it then stops, waiting to see if she will protest. When she stays quiet, he reaches back in, fingers wrapping gently around the edges of the dress. 

“It was my mother’s.” 

“And you didn’t want to wear it?” 

She doesn’t answer right away, falling to her knees beside him, eyes raking over her own belongings, the loneliness from earlier slamming him hard in the chest. Her fingers wrap around the wood, mirroring the hold he has on her dress and with little preamble she nudges the curve of her shoulder into his own. He can see her smiling from the corner of his eye, in on the joke just before she speaks it. 

“You didn’t find your bride beautiful that day, my husband?”

“Annoyingly so.” And then, “You would have looked beautiful in this too.”

She hums, noncommittal to his compliments as she stands and moves away. “There’s a veil in there too. A gift from Sansa.” 

“You miss her terribly.”

He is not asking. He does not need to. 

“I do.”

Oberyn looks back to the dress, years of history stitched into the fine fabric, beads and lace marching through time long after those who had loved it are gone. 

He thinks of his sister, his daughters, his lovers. He thinks of his family and of his people and the strength born into Dorne. His life and his home, still unbroken after all this time. 

He licks his lips and nods his head, standing quickly as a feeling just out of reach finally falls into place. 

“We will visit soon. I promise…I….”

It is her hands on his shoulder that pulls his gaze back to her, the tips of her fingers trailing sweetly to the belt on his robe, her smile light even through her tears and he swears — swears — he will never question this feeling again. 

“We will have to teach you how to properly tie your robes then, my prince.”

———

Oberyn had thought the storm was over. He had assumed the rolling thunder and crashing waves would no longer plague him after they receded from the shore and back out into the black depths of the Dornish sea. He had thought there would be peace. 

Quiet. 

He thought he would be able to breathe.  

He had been so very very wrong. 

Sleep evades him, the storm raging on inside his heart, waves rising up and crashing down, dragging out so far that he fears he may be lost to it forever. He had retired only hours prior, parting from her with more reluctance than ever before, and in that time he had only grown more sure of what he knew to already be so true. 

His knock is loud, insistent and he does not stop until her door opens wide, tired eyes and clumsy hands hastily tying her dressing gown closed. He does not wait for her to gather her bearings before he rushes in, unable to hold back anymore. 

“I cannot breathe.”

“I do not understand.”

“I love you,” he gasps, the words spilling out of him as if he were a broken vase, the cracks too deep to hold back the sheer volume of his affections. “I love you so and I cannot swim like this forever. I cannot. I am at the bottom of the ocean, waiting, where I cannot breathe. And you are the only one who can help me.” 

“My lord… I …. We… it is our bond…you do not—“

“I do,” he insists, fists balled and feet stamping. “Your messy scribbles and your thick robes and your stupid sense of honor. I love it all and then some, and I think you love me too. So say it. Say it, my lady and save us both.” 

He pauses, waiting as patiently as he is wholly capable for her answer. He knows he is a far cry from the venomous viper that he aims to be, his breathing ragged, his face flushed but it is not to be worried upon. The only concern there is in this moment’s notice is the choice she has to make. 

———

Dedications:

To my dearest @jazzelsaur who continues to listen to me gripe and moan and lament my google search and how it is literally nothing but Game of Thrones trivia and who beta read this chapter that I love but am so so nervous to share. Thank you, my love. I love you.

To @magpie-to-the-morning my pumpkin wife, who is this story's biggest cheerleader. Thank you, emma for loving this story and cheering me on and joining me in my daily Oberyn brain rot. I love you so so much.

#Oberyn Martell #Oberyn Martell fic #Oberyn Martell fanfiction #Oberyn Martell x ofc #Game of Thrones fic #radiowallet writes #pedro pascal characters

[amazingmsme]

A Good Golly Holiday Time

AN: Extremely loosely based on the squealing santa warmup prompt featherflake & basically just my excuse to write for The Solve It Squad/How the Grunch Cribbed Christmas. Ever since I first laid eyes on Scrags I knew he had to get wrecked. Hope you enjoy, merry Christmas & happy holidays to everyone! Really gonna try to pump out one more holiday fic but we’ll see about that won’t we?

Scrags... really wasn't having a good time. He normally tried to avoid the holidays because it only served to remind him of the family that didn't want him, and that fucking Maddie girl in his dad's reserved seat was just rubbing salt in the wound. He tried to keep his glaring to a minimum.

It seems his efforts failed because his friends very easily picked up on his sour mood, and it was obvious that they were walking on eggshells around him. They were in the craft portion of the planned activities, and it felt like his friends were coddling him rather than actually checking in. It was insulting damn it, he was a grown ass man! He didn't need their condescending praise about his crappy snowflake or the pitying looks they cast his way when they thought he wouldn't notice. Well news flash: he notices everything; he's a fucking FBI agent for crying out loud!

He heaved a heavy sigh as he glued a handful of feathers onto his snowflake. Keith walked behind him and off to the side, looking over Ester's shoulder at the iPad in their hands.

"So, what's the chat saying about me?" he asked, sweeping a hand through his hair. Ester rolled their eyes as they continued to scroll through the comments.

"Not much, they're all talking about what a sad sack of coal Scrags is being," they muttered, causing Kieth to furrow his brows.

"What? No way, Scrags is always high strung and snappy, they just don't know him like we do," he tried to justify. He glanced up at Scrags, his playful smirk falling when he saw the way their friend's shoulders sagged. He slapped a handful of feathers onto his snowflake in a messy, haphazard thud onto the table. "Okay yeah, he is being a classic Grunch, but it's not like we can cheer him up." Keith caught sight of a nearby camera and flashed a smile and wink.

Ester rolled their eyes. Keith stepped in front of her to be in the camera's full view and addressed the audience.

"Hey all you beautiful people at home! Our friend Scrags is having a little trouble getting in the holiday spirit, so we're taking suggestions on how to cheer him up!"

"Really Keith? C'mon, we got more important things to do! I need all you fuck nuggets at home to donate in my name, got that?!" Esther yelled, addressing the camera as they shoved Kieth out of the way. "Think of the children, first and foremost, but make sure I fucking win when you do!" they insisted, drawing the attention of Gwen and Scrags with the shrill pitch of their voice.

"Esther, try and keep it down, it's arts and crafts time and I do expect you to use your indoor voice," Gwen said in her classic cheerful tone with a dash of condescension and and a pinch of superiority. Thankfully, neither Esther nor Keith paid her any mind as they searched the comments for ideas.

"Wow you guys really have no sense of humor," Esther muttered as they scrolled past a few particularly bad holiday themed jokes. Keith grabbed their wrist and pointed at the screen.

"Hold up, go back I think I saw something," he said, not waiting for them to comply and snatched the iPad.

"Hey, give that back!"

"In a sec!" he said, scrolling until he found the comment once more. He froze and looked at Esther with an excited, sinister grin. "I think mrsclausgiantjuggs just gave us the solution to our problem."

"Ew, Kieth-"

"No, it's a username! Here look!"

"No I don't wanna-" they stopped mid sentence as they read the comment. A devilish glint flashed in their eyes. "Is Scrags ticklish? You guys should totally tickle him, I bet THAT will cheer him up!" They looked up from the screen and locked eyes with Keith. An evil chuckle slipped out as they slowly crept over to their gloomy friend.

"Gwen, your snowflake is looking picture perfect, just like you," Keith flirted, ever the suck up simp.

She flushed and giggled, "Oh stop!"

"Scrags, buddy! Yours is... coming along," he said, staring at the mess of paper, glitter glue and feathers.

"Gee, thanks. Gwen made me do this so she wouldn't be crafting all by herself," he teased lightly. "But y'know, I think it'd look better if you did it, Esther. Or even you, Keith."

"The hell do you mean "even me?" he asked incredulously. Esther smacked him from behind, reminding him they had a goal to accomplish.

“Scrags, I gotta be honest with you. You’re acting like a Grade A Grunch, and the chat’s picking up on your vibe. Now if you don’t change that, we’re gonna have to take drastic measures,” he warned/threatened. Scrags merely rolled his eyes.

“Sorry that I’m no happy enough to conform to your cheerful holiday standards,” he quipped, crossing his arms over his chest defiantly.

“Well that’s where we come in,” Keith said, sidling up next to him. Scrags looked him up and down skeptically.

“I’m not really in the mood for jokes…”

“Oh but this isn’t a joke!” Esther assured from his other side, making him jump. “If you ask me, this is a sure fire way to get your cheer meter filled all the way to the tippy top!”

Scrags scoffed, returning to his half-assed snowflake. He jerked away with a squeal when he felt something soft and fluffy flutter over his ear. He looked over to see Keith twirling a feather between his fingers, sporting a wicked grin. Scrags held his arms out in front of him as a weak defense.

“Dude, no, we’re live,” he practically pleaded.

“Uh, I know. This was a fan suggestion!” he chirped. Scrags choked on his own spit, sputtering and stumbling to his feet.

“Ex-excuse me? No, I don’t believe you!”

“Oh but it’s true,” Esther spoke up from behind him, making his blood run cold.

He stared at her, completely frozen for a solid few seconds before his brain caught up with himself. “What?” he reacted with his entire body, tossing his head around to look at her, placing his hands on his hips in his iconic sassy dad pose. “Who would want to see that?” he demanded.

“I think a better question is who wouldn’t want to see that,” Gwen joined in on the teasing, walking up behind Scrags and squeezed both his hips, making his twist out of her grip with a choked off giggle. “Great idea Keith!”

“Technically all the credit goes to mrsclausgiantjuggs, but I am the one spearheading this mission,” he bragged on himself, but still gave credit where credit was due. Okay, so maybe he wanted to say that username one more time.

“No, okay, I am shutting this down, it is not happenIIING!” his stern scolding morphed into a shrill squeal when Ester grew tired of waiting and dug their fingers in his armpits. He whipped around just in time to see their sinister grin as they wiggled their fingers in the air, getting ever closer. He desperately tried to fight off the smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Not once up to this point in the livestream had he been so aware of the multiple cameras trained on them. He continued backing away from the threatening fingers… Right into Keith’s outstretched arms.

Strong arms, that immediately trapped him in a very tickly bear hug. “GOTCHA!” he yelled as he pinched and kneaded his sides and ribs, launching him into a full fledged giggle fit. He squirmed around like a fish on a hook, swatting and shoving at his probing hands.

“Aww, I can’t remember the last time you looked so happy, Scrags!” Gwen cooed, placing a hand over her melting heart. She wasn’t even meaning to tease, it was a genuine observation.

“Ihihihit’s fohohorced! Gwen d-don’t just stahahand there, hehehelp me damnit!” he snapped through his laughter. Before she could answer, Esther interjected.

“Uh oh, someone clearly isn’t feeling the holiday spirit!” He shook his head, eyes wide with panic as they lunged for him. Their fingers prodded his soft belly, causing him to double over in Keith’s grip.

“Oh I’ll help you alright! Trust me, when we’re through with you, you’ll feel like a million bucks! Just like when we were kids, right Mr. Giggles?” she asked and okay this time she definitely meant to tease. It had the desired effect and had him turning a rather adorable shade of pink.

“D-dohohon’t call me thahahat!” he cried indignantly, twisting around in his friend’s hold to hide his face from the camera, and hopefully protect at least a few of his tickle spots.

He realized his mistake when Keith took a deep breath and planted a loud, sloppy raspberry on his neck.

“OHOHOHO FUCK KEITH THAHAHAT’S SO GROSS, GEHEHET OHOHOFF!” Scrags’s hysterical laughter nearly blew out his mic before it tapered off into a less earsplitting volume as Keith pulled away, wiping a hand on his mouth.

“Sorry, could’ve sworn you said you liked raspberries,” he said with a shit eating grin. Scrags rolled his eyes, still grinning from ear to ear.

“Yeah, the fruit you dickwahahad!” his insult lost its edge when Esther drilled their thumbs in his hips, sending him back into helpless laughter.

“Hey, this is a charity livestream for children, watch your motherfucking mouth!” Esther yelled over him. Gwen gasped at the outburst.

“Well that’s the pot calling the kettle black!”

Esther smirked, cocking their head to the side. “Sorry Gwen, pretty sure you’re not allowed to say that anymore,” they said, shaking their head with a tsk. Gwen scoffed.

“Oh you are so asking for it!” And with that, she set her sights on a new target.

Needless to say, the chat was going wild, and they were gaining view by the second. It was a rare glimpse of the fun, bright eyed detective group they remembered growing up, and that was the greatest non denominational holiday gift anyone could ask for.

#solve it squad fic #t​sis fic #how the grunch cribbed christmas fic #htgcc fic #benji scragtowski #scrags #esther backpack blueglasses #keith swanson #gwen berrywood #the solve it squad #how the grunch cribbed christmas #solve it squad tickle fic #htgcc tickle fic #ticklish!scrags