#Law and Order:SVU imagines

[unicornofdanger]

Every Family Is A Mess

Author’s note: So, I already posted an imagine with this same prompt but I didn’t realize that not only did I have two requests for the same prompt but also that I had already started a thing for one of them that has sat in my drafts for ages. So, I decided to finish it and here it is. I hope that you guys like it and I’ll be posting a few more this week.

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Masterlist & Prompt Lists

Olivia Benson x Reader

Requested by @decisivelarry

32. “I’d take a bullet for you, you know that.”

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1118

Y/n was a mess.

She had been that way for too long to even care. It was the way she lived. She lived in chaos and was cool with it. She had a falling out with her family, that left them out of the picture and left her to go about the world however she pleased. She moved to New York when she was tired of her home town and kept mostly to herself. She had no family around and decided that she needed no one but herself. Friends came and went, but none really stayed and to be honest, Y/n liked being alone. She liked the fact that no one really depended on her and she didn’t depend on anybody.

That left her a mess, whether she would admit it or not. Sometimes you need people to depend on and to be depended on. That left her with an apartment that was rarely clean and a bed that was rarely slept in. There was no car to call her own, why have one if you have nowhere to go. Y/n would get a rental when she needed one but that was every once and a while. It was a good life though, she didn’t butt heads with people and she kept mostly to herself. She was then able to enjoy what she was interested in with having to hear her mother yell at her for how it wouldn’t get her anywhere.

Y/n lived a rough life, anyway. Being a cop in New York was like living in hell. No one trusted cops or believed a word they said. She didn’t blame people for thinking that way, she had met many cops that should have had their shields taken from them. But that was her life and she loved it. Her blood ran blue and she had to deal with the consequences of that. It was too late for her to turn back and find a new calling. 

Once she was transferred to the Special Victims Unit, her life became a little better. The people that she worked with treated her like family, but not how her family treated her. They treated her with kindness and understood that she lived her life in a way that made her happy. She finally felt like she was at home. Her life was still a mess but it wasn’t a terrible mess.

“Hey, could you hold the door.,” Olivia called as Y/n walked into the elevator. Y/n put her hand against the door to keep it from closing and waited for Olivia to join her. “I’m glad I caught you before you left.”

“Is that so?” Y/n asked with a raised brow.

“Well, seeing as how neither of us has had anything to eat, I was wondering if you wanted to go to dinner with me.”

“Where to?”

“Where would you like to go?” Olivia asked.

Y/n racked her brain for what she was hungry for. Burgers sounded good, but that was always what she had for lunch. She didn’t care too much for Chinese, so that was out of the question. Maybe Italian. They had some good dished. “Mm... I’m down for Italian.”

“That sounds good to me.”

The two sat at a corner booth in the back of the Italian restaurant that was a block from the precinct. The place was almost empty as most people were heading home and staying there to keep out of the cold. In front of them sat empty plats that use to be filled with pasta and glasses of water. 

“So, you lost a friend because you won’t do laundry at the laundry mat in their building?” Olivia questioned, sipping on a glass of wine.

Y/n nodded. “Yeah, it was pretty stupid. I didn’t even live very close, but they thought it was “convenient” for me. I think that it not only wasn’t convenient, but it was creepy too. Felt like I’d become one of the victims that we see every day.”

“Well, I’m glad that you stopped doing your laundry there because you’re one good detective and I’d rather see you at work because you’re paid to be there than because of anything else.”

“Me too.”

There was silence for a while as Olivia drank her wine and Y/n looked around the restaurant.

“So, you haven’t used your vacation days yet.”

“Yeah, I’m saving them up,” Y/n told her.

“For what, to go see your family?”

“Oh... Oh, no. I wouldn’t do that to myself.”

Olivia finished her glass and set it on the table. “Why not?”

“My family and I don’t really get along too great. You could say we both wanted different things.”

That was mostly true. Her family did want different things than her. Y/n grew up in a wealthy family where she never had to ask for much. It was great but at the same time, it was limiting. Her mother always decided what her children were to do. From the time Y/n was little, her mother decided when she could play, when she could socialize, and who she could do it with. Y/n never had a choice in what she wanted. She could never be herself around her mother and that its where their differences laid.

Her mother wanted her to have the best that life had to offer. She wanted her to go to the best private school and attend the best university and become a lawyer. That’s how her mother worked. She raised her children to become what she wanted them to be. They were cookie cutter children who fit perfectly in their mother’s mold, Y/n wasn’t though. She didn’t want to be a lawyer and she didn’t want to go to the best university.

Olivia leaned on the table, “ I’m sure that they probably want to see you, Y/n”

Y/n snorted. Her family probably pretend that she no longer existed. Her mother was just that petty when she doesn’t get her way. “Naw. My family has practically disowned me. We get along so well that they probably won’t even take a bullet for me, even if it won’t kill them.”

“Well, just because they won’t take one for you, doesn’t mean that other people won’t,” Olivia told her in comfort.

Y/n nodded. At least the squad had her back.

“I’d take a bullet for you, you know that.”

“I know.”

Y/n and Olivia stood from the table, pulling on their coats. The two women then walked out of the restaurant and into the chilly New York air.  

#Olivia Benson #olivia benson imagine #olivia benson imagines #law and order svu #law and order svu imagines #law and order svu imagine #Law and Order:SVU imagines #svu #svu imagine #imagine #imagines

[writefasttalkevenfaster]

posting take my hand 6 today 

let me know if you want a tag :) 

#rafael barba x reader #sonny carisi x reader #svu #law and order:svu #svu imagines #wftf talks #rafael barba imagines #sonny carisi imagines

[svubloods]

PSA

I adore Assistant District Attorney Sonny Carisi with all my heart, he deserves the world and all the character development it can give him. In conclusion I would die for him.

That's all

#sonny carisi #Sonny Carisi #dominick carisi imagine #dominick carisi jr imagine #sonny carisi imagine #law and order special victims unit #law and order svu imagine #law and order:svu #law and order svu #svu #svu imagine #svu fandom #svu fic #svu fanfiction #svuedit

[baseballbitch116]

Misunderstandings

Pairing: Sonny Carisi x reader

Prompt: Sonny thinks that you are cheating on him

Word Count: 2008

Warnings: None

Masterlist

Prompt List | Submit A Request

For the last week, you have been distant from your boyfriend Dominick. He hadn’t noticed right away, thinking that maybe you were just in a bad mood or stressed about work. But when you began turning him down a lot, he grew suspicious.

It started when he came into your shared room after getting home from a long day. You were on your laptop, and didn’t even notice when he entered the room. He stood in the doorway for a moment, looking at you, waiting for you to acknowledge him, but you didn’t. He clears his throat and comes in, heading over to his side to put away his tie and change into night clothes. “Oh, hi.” You mumble, only glancing up for a moment before returning to your laptop. He feels a little hurt, as he missed you all day and you don’t seem to care that he is finally home. “Yeah, hey.” He responds dryly, and you don’t question his tone.

When he gets in bed beside you, you close your laptop, hastily, catching his attention. “What’re ya workin on?” He asks, growing suspicious.

“Nothing important. You going to sleep?” You ask, grabbing your cell-phone and unlocking it with your fingerprint rather than password.

“Thought we could lay here for a while, maybe watch a movie?” He asks, stretching his right arm out to rub your back and invite you into his arms, but you ignore him, too wrapped up in whoever you are texting. “Doll?” He speaks, growing irritated, wanting your company.

Your phone begins buzzing and you toss the blanket off of yourself, standing up to answer, not responding to Sonny.

“Hello? Hey. Yeah? I-.” You speak to the person on the other line, then remember that Sonny is in the room. You glance to him, who has a displeased look on his face as he brings his arm back to his side, and decide to take your call in the kitchen, exiting the room without another word.

The next night when Sonny gets home, you are asleep on the sofa, your laptop beside you. He bends down beside you, whispering that he’s going to take you to the room, but you only groan and tell him no, that you’re comfy. He stands back up, feeling mad and a little insecure, wanting nothing more than to hold his girlfriend, but instead trudges into their shared room to sleep alone.

This continues for a few nights in a row, of you falling asleep on the couch or staying up late on your laptop. Whenever Sonny would come near you when you are on your laptop, you would close it or switch the tab, and you would get these calls late at night that you would take out of the room.

The final straw was when Sonny finally had a day off and asked if you wanted to go out to lunch together, but you told him you already made plans. You did apologize to him, and give him a quick meaningless kiss on his cheek, the most affection that he has had from you all week. Sonny felt angry and hurt. He finally gets a day off and you would rather spend it with someone other than him. He knows he might be being a little childish, but is it a crime to miss your girlfriend?

He ended up calling Nick, asking for his advice, fearing that you could be cheating on him. Nick explained how Maria was acting when he thought she was cheating on him, and tried to assure him that he could be wrong just like Nick was, but it only worried Sonny even more. You are acting just like Maria was.

He decided to to press you a little as you got dressed to go out. You put on a nice pair of jeans and a new shirt that he hadn’t seen before. “Who are you going out with?” He asks as he lays in bed, not paying attention to the show he put on.

“Just a friend.” You respond nonchalauntly. Sonny feels his chest tighten. In the past, you would always tell him who, where you’re going, when to expect you back. Now, “just a friend”.

“You gotta dress up for this ‘friend’?” He asks, scoffing. You turn from the mirror where you were doing your makeup and give him a look.

“I’m not dressing up. Excuse me for wanting to look presentable.” You respond, turning back away from him, pissed off.

“Haven’t worn anythin but sweats round the house all week. You wanna look presentable for this ‘friend’ but not for me?” He complains, raising his voice, and stands up, stomping out of the room and slamming the door behind himself.

You do feel bad, you know that you have been distant this week. You just can’t be around Sonny, he knows you too well. He can tell when something is up, as seen just now, and you aren’t ready to tell him yet. So you finish your makeup then grab your bag and head out to the living room to get your shoes. You chose your black booted heels, and look over at Sonny for a moment, debating what to say or do. He is sitting at the counter, a beer in hand, clearly pissed off.

You walk over and give him a kiss on his cheek, moving a loose piece of hair out of his face. “I’ll be back in a few hours.” You mutter, then walk out the door without another word. He turns back to face the door, staring at it for a moment, feeling the pain in his chest. He wants to trust you, but you have never acted like this before. He takes another big swig of his beer then slams it down, pulling on his shoes and grabbing his keys, heading out to his unmarked police car to follow you.

He successfully trails you to the strip mall, parking across the street as he watches you wait outside of a store for someone. He prays that he is wrong, that it will just be one of your girl friends and he is overthinking. But then he sees a man with dark black hair approach you and you smile at him, giving him a big hug. He feels the rage building up in his body as he stares at you talking and laughing with this man he has never seen before. It takes everything in him to not go over and beat the guy up, but he tries to wait and see what you two do.

He follows you guys to a little outdoor cafe, where you sit side by side and talk. It certainly looks like you are on a date. From how far away Sonny is, he can’t quite see your facial expressions, but to him it looks like you are having a good time. Then he sees you rest your head on this man’s shoulder, and he draws the line. Clearly you are on a date, and he is furious. He gets out of his car, slamming the door shut hard, and stalks across the street to where the two of you sit. “Are ya serious?!” He hollers, startling you, who quickly take your head off of the man and sit up straight. Sonny walks right up to the guy and lifts him off his seat by his collar, preparing to hit him until you jump up and get in the way. “Sonny stop!” You scream, shoving him. He stares at you, enraged that you are taking this guy’s side over his.

He releases the guy, turning his attention to you. “I can’t believe you followed me!” You exclaim, not caring that you are causing a scene.

“What was I supposed to do?! You have been weird all week, I knew you were cheating on me! How could you?!” He hollers, his eyes unintentionally tearing up at he stares at you. He had taken notice of your smeared makeup and red eyes, but said nothing, not putting two and two together.

“Cheating?! Zack is my cousin! My gay cousin! That I have told you all about!” You exclaim, shoving Sonny again angrily. He turns to look at the guy, who stands there, arms crossed, and gives him a sassy look. Sonny looks back to you, suddenly feeling crazy.

“You could have told me you were going out with him then! Not just ‘a friend’! The hell was I supposed to think, seeing you laying all over some guy here?!” He yells, his tone a little lower than before. He is so frustrated, he doesn’t wait for you to reply, just stalking back across the street to his car. You follow after him, not finished with him yet. “I cannot believe you followed me!” You exclaim, causing him to spin right back around.

“You have been avoiding me all week! Changed the password on your phone, closing your laptop when I’m around! Never being on the phone around me, you haven’t even acknowledged me all week!” He replies, and you feel your heart sting as you see his heartbroken face. You hadn’t realized you were being that distant, that it affected him so much.

“I…” You start, not sure what to say.

“Forget it.” Sonny huffs, getting into his car, slamming the door again, and drives off, leaving you standing there feeling guilty.

Later that night, you come home, closing the door behind you quietly. You have to tell him the truth, you just don’t want to. You head to your bedroom and spot him laying there, television on, looking miserable. He is happy when he sees you, though he doesn’t let that be shown. He was worried that you wouldn’t come home.

“I’m pregnant.” You announce from the doorway, getting it over with. His head shoots to look at you and he sits up straight. “I’ve been doing research all week on my laptop and I have been on the phone with Amanda and Zack, trying to figure out what to do. I’ve been avoiding you cuz I didn’t know how to tell you.” You explain, arms crossed as you lean against the doorframe, your face emotionless. You are mad that Sonny followed you and caused a scene, but you do understand why he did.

He only stares at you, his eyes wide, clearly stunned. Everything makes sense to him now. You feel like he doesn’t believe you so you walk over to your side of the bed and put your password into your laptop, handing it to him. You have four different tabs up about pregnancy and doctors in the area. He stares at the page for a while, trying to process this, then places the laptop aside and stands up.

“I’m so sorry doll.” He mutters, his eyes tearing up again. You huff and open your arms to him, letting him envelope you in a big hug. “I should have just talked to you. I’m so sorry.” He mutters, running his hands through your hair and down your back. He is afraid to let you go, and it feels so good to have you back in his arms.

“Yes, you should have.” You start, talking against his hard chest. “But I understand how you must have felt. I’m sorry too.” You say, pulling back with your arms still around his torso, leaning up as a sign for him to kiss you. He cups your face leans down, kissing you passionately, melting into your presence.

When you pull away, he grins at you happily. “What?” You ask, confused by his sudden change of emotion.

“I’m gonna be a dad?” He asks, and you smile at him, nodding. He picks you up, spinning you around the room and kisses you again before setting you down. “This is great!” He begins rambling about all of the stuff he has to do and how to prepare, pacing around the room and you just sit down and watch him, shaking your head adoringly.

—

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#baseballbitch116 #law & order:svu masterlist #law and order x reader #law and order imagine #law and order preferences #law and order oneshot #svu imagine #svu drabble #svu preferences #svu x reader #svu carisi imagine #dominick carisi x reader #dominick carisi imagine #sonny carisi oneshot #sonny carisi imagine #sonny carisi x reader #law and order special victims unit #special victims unit #peter scanavino

[hockeytrashgoblin]

Take it out on me Part 12

A/N: hi so this is the last chapter. We made it to the end. I hope you guys have enjoyed this story as much as I have enjoyed writing it. I decided that even if you guys don’t necessarily want further little imagines/stories about their lives after this I’m still gonna do it because I’m not done with it yet lol.

I also have an Alex Tuch story on the way soon and a Mikko Rantanen one as well. They probably won’t be full series but there’ll be something. 

Anyhoo enjoy the last chapter. Sorry it’s a little bit shorter than the rest I just couldn’t expand it really without making it seem too drawn out.

“Well Ziggy..” I said leaning over to pick up my little brown bunny. “We’ve got some troubles now. I don’t even know how this happened.”

I walked back into the living room and sat down with Ziggy on my chest. I sat there for hours just petting and baby talking to my rabbit. I couldn’t think of anything else to do so I just sat there. I guess you could say I was in shock. It was dark out by the time Freddie got back home and I was still laying there with the bunny.

“Hi baby, what’s up?” he asked kissing my face.

“Nothing, I’ve just been laying here with Ziggy for a while.”

“I’m glad that you enjoy having her so much.”

“She’s my pretty girl and I love her.” I said to Freddie before slipping back into my baby talk voice. “That’s right I love you so much honey. My baby.”

“You’re so cute.” he said laughing and kissing my head. “Have you eaten dinner yet?”

“No I was waiting for you. Plus I haven’t been feeling the greatest today.”

“Oh no how come?”

“I dunno. Just not good. Auston had another interview today trying to do damage control from that video from the airport.”

“Oh god..”

“Basically said that I was awful to him all the time and would cheat on him constantly.”

“You should do an interview somehow. Maybe make a youtube video or something? I don’t know I just want everyone to stop being so cruel towards you.” 

“I guess I could probably make a brief video about it. It couldn’t make it worse. And I’ve got more proof of things Auston has done than things he claims I’ve done.”

“I really think you should. You don’t have to share everything, just enough to make people be quiet.” he sat beside the couch and rested his head on my stomach while he started petting the bunny too.

“I’ll do it tomorrow after I go see the doctor.”

“Why are you going to the doctor?”

“It’s just a follow up on some tests I had a while ago. Don’t worry about it baby, I’m okay.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” he asked looking at me with concern in his eyes.

“You don’t have to.”

“Do you want me to?”

“Yes.”

“Okay then I’m coming.”

“I’m sorry..I’m still just so used to having to be brave and do everything by myself.”

“We’re a team cutie. I’m here for whatever you need and I know you’re doing the same for me. That’s how adult relationships work.”

“I love you so much Freddie.”

“I love you.” he smiled at me before getting up and grabbing the bunny.

“Hey where are you bringing her?”

“To her cage. I ordered us some food and I want to cuddle with you until it gets here. You’ve been cuddling Ziggy for hours I know it.” he said laughing and smuggling up behind me on the couch so we were spooning.

“I’m going to fall asleep like this for sure.” I said giggling.

“If you do I’m eating both of our food.”

“Don’t you fucking do it.”

“But I’m starving.”

“Then you should’ve ordered more food. Besides you’d never eat my food anyway.”

“How do you know?”

“You always get so worried about me when I don’t eat, you’d never make it so I didn’t have food to eat.”

“You caught me there.” he mumbled kissing the back of my neck.

The rest of the night was very quiet. I didn’t feel like talking much but that was okay. Freddie was always really good and secure about me just keeping to myself. He didn’t constantly think I was mad at him when I was quiet like Auston did and I really appreciated that since I didn’t like talking a lot. I was a very quiet and shy person so silence was just a nice comfortable thing for me and the fact that I could have that and still be around the one I love without him yelling at me was incredible to me. We watched a little bit of Law & Order:SVU before going to bed for the night.

When we woke up, we had a very normal morning. He showered while I washed my face and did the most basic skincare. Once we were both done in the bathroom we got dressed which was always interesting because we both had a habit of just wanting the other person to stay as unclothed as possible. It always took forever but we managed to leave the house at the right time to get to my appointment without being late. Once we got there and I got registered we sat down together in the waiting room.

“So what’s this appointment about?”

“I’ve had some blood-work done and an ultrasound and a few other tests a couple weeks ago. Just getting the results back.”

“I hope everything is okay.”

“I’m sure it is, love.” I said resting my head on his shoulder and holding his hand. “If I wasn’t okay they would have called me back in much sooner.”

“I guess that makes sense.”

“I could have gallstones again or something. That’s what they were checking for with the ultrasound.”

“So what would happen with that?”

“It would depend how big they are and stuff. Maybe nothing, maybe remove the gallbladder? It would really depend but it doesn’t feel the same so  I don’t really know. We’ll just have to wait and see.”

“I guess so.”

“I’m not dying Freddie.”

“Promise?” he asked smiling holding his pinky out to me. I locked mine with his laughing.

“Promise.”

Soon enough my name was being called and we walked back with the nurse. She took some information while I sat on the bed. Freddie sat on the chair and looked really serious and worried.

“Freddie, love, I’m okay.”

“I’m just nervous about what he’s going to say. Because if they haven’t found anything then what?”

“Just don’t think about that. If they haven’t found something bad then it’s good news. Stop worrying. It’s okay.”

“Hi (Y/N), how are you doing today?” my doctor said coming into the room.

“I’m okay, how are you?”

“I’m good. Who is this?”

“This is my boyfriend, Freddie.”

“Oh well nice to meet you Freddie.”

“You too.” he said politely.

“So the test results came in. This is going to be a fairly quick appointment because all I have to do is give results and see what you want to do about them.”

“Alright sounds good.”

“Okay so all the tests we did came back conclusive with the same answer..” what she said didn’t really register in my mind at all. Everything was going in slow motion while I sat there and watched Freddie leave the room and slam the door. “(Y/N) lay down.”

“Freddie..”

“It’s okay he’s out in the parking lot. Just lay down before you fall and hurt yourself.” she pushed my shoulders getting to lay down.

“How did this happen..? You put me on pills to stop this from happening.”

“There’s no trace in your blood at all of the pills (Y/N). So you weren’t taking them recently.”

“I was. I’ve been taking them every day.”

“I don’t know what to tell you. Is it possible someone might have messed with your medication?”

“Yes. There’s absolutely a possibility of that.” I was seeing red but I finished the appointment and made another one for a month later. I left the office and got into the car with Freddie.

“Freddie..?” I asked cautiously. “Can we please talk..?”

“How did this happen?”

“I think you know how it happened.”

“How long?”

“In the middle of allstar break.”

“Fuck..Is this it then? Are you going back?” he asked with a tear in his eye.

“Freddie don’t cry. I’m not going anywhere. You’re not listening. It didn’t happen before or after the break. It happened during the break. During.” I said slowly watching his face change.

“Oh! Wait so what you’re saying..”

“Oh my god Freddie it’s yours.” I said laughing. “I’m pregnant with your baby.”

“No way..” he said with a big smile on his face.

“Yes way.” I tried to kiss him but we were both smiling too big for it to really work.

“How far along does that make you then?”

“About two and a half months.”

“I want to go home and celebrate.”

“How do you want to celebrate Freddie?”

“However you want to.”

“Can we celebrate with bowling and ice cream?” I asked with a smile.

“I couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate.” he kissed my hand and started driving.

#maple leafs #maple leaf #maple leaf imagine #auston matthews #freddie x reader #Freddie Andersen #frederik andersen #hockey #hockey imagines

[hyperfixatedonthisnow]

Taste

A/N: I really need to work on more imaginative titles, but never mind. I wrote some more smut, this time with added feelings. Apparently now that I’ve started, I can’t stop. Forgive me father for I have sinned. Please excuse any typos, it’s 2am here.

Prompt: “I can’t wait to taste you.”

Pairing: Rafael Barba x fem!Reader

Warnings: Smut with feelings, lack of plot, Blow job, cunnilingus, definitely NSFW

Word count: 2,627

#rafael barba #law and order svu #rafael barba x reader #fanfic #smut #i wrote this

[madisondaviesxo]

Picture This

1) A Golden Girls DVD because I believe everyone should remember Betty White, whom we lost on the last day of 2022.

2) A season of Law and Order:SVU because it’s now season 23 and I’m really curious to see if it’s still running.

3) The Newest IPhone because o really want to know how much the phones have changed.

4) A picture of me and my baby! I can’t imagine life without this little girl and if I’m not around when the capsule is open, I want her to have this picture of us.

5) A picture of me and my friends so Viv will have it and see how happy her momma was.

6) And Vivian’s favorite snack at the moment. I’d love to see how much her tastes have changed.

[down-in-dixie]

Get To Know the Muse;

𝒮heena Boudreau

WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME? It’s Marie.

ZEBRA OR LEOPARD PRINT? If I really had to choose, zebra.

DO YOU HAVE ANY FEARS? Losing the people that I love, especially my daughters. I’m also afraid of heights. I had a bad experience with a tree when I was younger and I’ve been afraid to be up in the air ever since.

SILVER OR GOLD? Both, although I probably wear more gold than silver.

TOP THREE PLACES TO VISIT:  That’s a good question. There’s so many places that it’s hard to narrow it down to just three. I’m going to have to think about this one some more.

WHERE ARE YOU FROM?  New Orleans, Louisiana. Born and raised.

FIRST CAREER YOU WANTED AS A CHILD: I always wanted to follow in my father’s footsteps and become a lawyer.

WHAT’S YOUR SIGN? Sagittarius

FUTURE NAMES OF YOUR CHILDREN? I already have two grown daughters, I don’t plan on having any more children.

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? ‘I’ll Be Seeing You’ by Billie Holiday. It was my wife’s favorite song and I’ve been thinking about her a lot today, so I decided to listen to it for old time’s sake.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN FATE/DESTINY? I believe that I do.

WHAT ARE YOUR CAREER GOALS?  To hopefully keep being a lawyer and helping people.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR(S)? Turquoise WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER? Magnolia / Gardenia

WHAT WAS THE FIRST CONCERT/SHOW YOU ATTENDED?  I think it was 4 Non-Blondes back in the 90′s.

SOMETHING YOU ARE WORKING ON RIGHT NOW: I’m just looking over a few case files that I brought home from work.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE? No I haven’t.

ARE YOU A PROCRASTINATOR OR DO YOU GET THINGS DONE EARLY?  With work I usually try to get things done early if I can. But with other things I may procrastinate every once in awhile.

LEFT OR RIGHT-HANDED? I’m am ambidextrous, which means that I’m able to use the right and left hands equally well.

TV SHOWS YOU WATCH REGULARLY:  A lot of cooking shows, How to Get Away with Murder, and Law&Order:SVU

HALLOWEEN COSTUME FOR THIS YEAR? My daughters want me to dress up as Catwoman, but I’m not sure if that’ll happen or not. lol

WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS? Single (widow)

LAST THING YOU WATCHED?  Imagine Me & You with my daughter Madison.

A SONG THAT’S BEEN STUCK IN YOUR HEAD?  Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough by Patty Smyth and Don Henley.

A BOOK YOU WANT TO READ/ HAVE RECENTLY READ:   It’s been awhile since I’ve read a book and I don’t have one that I want to read. I’m really not much of a reader.

#about the ladies #sheena boudreau

[fandomaskedstuff]

Fandoms I Will/Have done before, so ask me Headcanons and Imagines and one-shot, so ask in my ask box!

I am looking for requests/Asks. I will do just about any fandom and I also am willing to do NSFW. 

Fandoms I am best at bellow:

Law and order:SVU

The Walking Dead

Stranger things

My name Earl

Riverdale

One piece 

Naruto

Attack on titan

Cow boy be bop

Tokyo ghoul

Monster high 

Descendents

Gravity falls

Pokemon

Young justice 

Supernatural 

Soul eater

Steven universe 

Hetalia

13 reasons why 

Creepypasta 

Tiger & Bunny

Mystic messenger 

Yuri on ice!!

Homestuck

Gorillaz 

Free!

Harry Potter 

Harvest moon

Overwatch 

Five nights at freddys

Gangsta 

Ed edd & eddy

Eddsworld 

Ladybug

Supernoobs 

Stars vs the forces of evil

Ben 10

Boondocks

Autobots 

Voltron

Bleach

Dexter

The night shift 

Yu gi oh 

Five nights at freddys 

Sister location 

Teen titans

Percy jackson 

Black butler 

Red band society 

Life is strange 

Stars vs the forces of evil 

Much more that need to be listed.

#ask #ask me anything #ask me questions #ask box #ask box open #ask box empty #law and order svu #the walking dead #stranger things #my name is earl #riverdale #one piece #one punch man #naruto #attack on titan #cowboy bebop #tokyo ghoul #monster high #descendents #gravity falls #young justice #supernatural #pokemon #soul eater #steven universe #hetalia #13 reasons why #creepypasta #tiger & bunny #mystic messenger

[itwontsurvivemee]

CURRENT LOVES ↝ I was tagged by @grumpybell, @allgrownpup, @kissabell and @gravesfirstonesfree one song: Blank space/Stand by me - Imagine Dragons (cover)  two movies: rouge one | la la land  three shows: the 100 | madam secretary | law and order:svu (or ya know chicago pd whoops)   four people: lindsey morgan | stephanie beatriz | monica raymund | riz ahmed  five foods: bagels | rocky road ice cream | honey nut cheerios | avocado toast | carnitas.  six people to tag: @thelovelylights, @sassamyblake, @onemanbellarmy, @boggarts, @tyrgaryens, @nrlywitches

#mine #about me #tag games #IM SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG

[nanalikessurveys]

What do you believe happens to us after death? I’d rather not think about it, it’s scary

Have you ever cheated on someone? No

What are your plans for this weekend? Nothing yet atleast

Does the thought of growing old frighten you? YES.

What is the best movie you’ve ever seen? I’ve seen alot of good movies, Misery, Truman Show, Carrie etc.

Have you ever hurt someone for your own entertainment? I wouldn't do that to anyone

What is your favorite song of all time? I like Smart Aleck Kill, it’s catchy

Has anyone you’ve known died on a holiday? No

If you could write a book, what would it be about? I can’t imagine myself writing a book

Do you think most people understand you? I really don’t know

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Not so shy

What are some lyrics that speak to your soul? Hmm i don’t know

Are you in love with anyone at the moment? No

Have you ever been in love with more than one person at the same time? No

What is your favorite time of year? Winter time

What is your ideal first date? Just something simple like going to a coffee shop or movies

What is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to you? That i’m sweet and caring

Do you have any taboo fetishes or preferences? Nope

What is the thing you are most ashamed of? Just me in general, i don’t know lol

What is the emotion you seem to feel most strongly? Happy but tired

Do you think of yourself as a unique person? Everyone is unique so yes 

What is a movie from childhood that you loved? The Bee Movie

Are you afraid of death? Yes

What are your top three biggest fears, actually? Dying, outer space and failing in life lol

Do you have an accent of any kind? When i speak in english i have a stupid accent but i’m glad i don’t have to speak english that often because of that lol

What do you want to be remembered for? Being nice and caring to people

What is your favorite number? I don’t have one

Do you have a favorite television show? If so, what is it? CSI Miami and Law and Order:svu

Are you currently sad about anything? Not really

What was your first job? I’ve never had a job

And what job do you have now? -

Have you ever changed your spiritual beliefs? No

What is your favorite alcoholic drink? I hate alcoholic drinks tbh they all taste like shit

Do you ever talk to yourself? Yeah especially now that i live alone

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep in your adult life? Yeah kinda

What do you think is the meanest thing you’ve ever said to someone? I’ve told my mom that i hate her even tho that’s far from the truth

How do you celebrate your favorite holiday? With my family

Do you have a favorite book? If so, how many times have you read it? Lolita or Matilda, i’ve read them couple times

Do you have any teachers from the past who inspired you? Not really

Do you prefer sad or happy music? Usually happy

Speaking of which, what is your favorite genre? Pop

What is your best talent? Dancing and gymnastics

Have you ever wished you were from another country? Nah, not seriously

What are you thinking about currently? This

What is the closest red thing to your body? Cat toy

What is a subject that makes you uncomfortable to speak about? Sex

What is your favorite clothing store to shop at? I guess Zara

Do you have anything you are extremely particular about? Nothing comes to my mind

Have you ever seen the ocean? Yes plenty of times

What is your most fond memory of your current S.O, if applicable? -

Do you find yourself confused often? Not often

What is your dream career? Something in criminology but it’s not that realistic tbh

What was the best time of your life? I don’t remember

Have you ever been on a cruise? Yeah couple times

Do you miss any of your exes? Yes

Who would you like to say something to? I don’t know

Are you religious? I am not

Do you think you are attractive? I can be cute but usually i don’t think i’m that attractive

How many people have you slept with? Just one

Do you consider yourself a catch? No

Do you enjoy naps? Not really, i feel weird after them

What kind of sauce do you eat your chicken nuggets with? Garlic mayo

Are you happy? Yeah

What do you think you could do to improve your life?

Work for it i guess?

#survey #surveys

[unicornofdanger]

Crime Show Prompt List: Part Two

 Author’s Note: This is a second prompt list for crime shows that I do since I watch those all the time. The first list has a lot of prompts that I like and I stumbled across more so I thought why not make another list. It makes more sense to me to make another list instead of adding more to the first one because it has a lot. I will link my other prompt lists below. Requests are open at the moment and if you have any questions on what I write for, feel free to ask. There are some shows that I’m not caught up with yet or just started watching. And if you guys have any suggestions on shows that you think I should watch, feel free to recommend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marvel Prompt List Game of Throne Prompt List Regular Prompt List Crime Show Prompt List: Part 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. “Just foucus on me, okay? Focus on my voice, ignore the medics, you’re fine, you’re safe, stay with me, just focus on me?”

2. “We were supposed to leave like ten minutes ago.”

3. “This, this is why we don’t listen to you.” “Hey, whoose side are you on here?”

4. “What aren’t you telling me?”

5. “Well, this is where I live.”

6. “Yeah, let me just glaze over the fact that that’s a corpse.”

7. “Fight to the death, right now!” “It was just a cookie! One cookie!”

8. “I didn’t know you drink.” “I don’t.”

9. “You weren’t there when I needed you most.”

10. “You’re not leaving, are you?”

11. “I can’t just sit by and do nothing when you’re suffering so much.”

12. “You’re hurting me.”

13. “Please, please don’t hurt them. They didn’t do anything. You don’t want them, you want me. I’m the one you want.”

14. “I know this isn’t a good time. I understand you have a lot on your plate... but I’m pregnant.”

15. “I broke my rules for you.”

16. “Damn it, are you drunk?”

17. “Studies show that I didn’t ask for your opinion.”

18. “I’d do anything for you despite how much you seem to always piss me off.”

19. “This is real life! You don’t get to restart things when you make a mistake! When you fuck up!”

20. “Do you feel any remorse for what you did to them? What you did to these innocent people?”

21. “I got you. It’s gonna be okay, you’re going to be okay.”

22. “I know it hurts, but you have to stay awake. Hey. Hey! Don’t close your eyes, please _______, don’t close your eyes!”

23. “Stay there. I’m coming to get you,”

24. “Want me to stay?”

25. “We’re almost home.”

26. “What happened? Who did this to you?”

27. “Hey, when was the last time you slept?”

28. “It’s alright, I’m here. Just hold my hand, okay?”

29. “How are YOU mad at Me when your the one who’s in FUCKING JAIL?” “I’m gonna need a lawyer.” “Don’t go and change the subject!”

30. “Give me a break. I’m in the hospital.”

31. “It’s midnight, where the hell were you?”

32. “Is... is that blood? Are you bleeding?”

33. “Where did all those bruises come from?”

34. “Please talk to me about it.”

35. “This time you got yourself into a hospital. I think that’s a sign. So, you need to stop doing stupid shit like that or you will get yourself killed.”

36. “Why did you do it? Tell me.”

37. “Somehow you don’t even have to open your mouth to make my head hurt.”

38. “You just give off the impression that you want to murder everyone you look at.”

39. “________ is about as intimidating as a butterfly.”

40. “I thought you said you knew where we were going.” “Yeah, about that, I lied.”

41. “I’m not letting you sleep on the floor. Get up here.”

42. “You could have gotten yourself killed!” “But... I didn’t.”

43. “I lost the baby.”

44. “He’s the opposite of friendly. He’s unfriendly. As in, don’t be friends with him.”

45. “What did I say?” “You told me to behave.” “What did you do?” “The exact opposite.”

46. “You know, you’re adorable when you’re mad.” “I can literally kill you.”

47. “It’s nice that your voice was the first thing I heard today.”

48. “No, it’s fine. I can wait until you’re done talking to them.”

49. “Stop getting crumbs all over my bed.”

50. “ The sun hasn’t even come up and you want me to do what now?”

51. “I don’t need your judgement.”

52. “I told you not to fall in love with me.”

53. “I forgive a lot, but I never forget what’s said and done.”

52. “I’m tired of being your secret.”

53. “I should have told you a long time ago.”

54. “You’re in love with her.”

55. “You’re never going to let that go, are you?”

56. “This is all a game and we are the pawns. Even you and even me.”

57. “I am under no obligation to make sense to you.”

58. “You don’t seem to realize... I’ll get you in the end.”

59. “I can see it in your eyes. The panic. What’s gotten you so scared?”

60. “It takes a very special kind of idiot to pull off what you just did.”

61. “You really have no clue who I am?” “You’d think the confused looks and blank stare would have answered that for you.”

62. “What now?” “I don’t know. I thought the jump would kill us.”

63. “I really didn’t want to go for a swim today.”

64. “You wouldn’t be in this bad of shape if you just knew when to quit.”

65. “You promised me you weren’t going to be reckless! You promised!”

66. “You whine about scratches but you don’t let out a peep when you’ve got a gaping wound! What the hell is wrong with you!?!”

67. “He/She is my best friend. That hasn’t changed.” “It’s clear your feelings for him/her have.”

68. “Don’t challenge me.”

69. “We’re all going to die today.” “If that sort of optimism isn’t what gets a man up in the morning, I don’t know what does.”

70. “You’re still here... and you’re making pancakes?” “What? Do you not like pancakes?”

71. “Are you scared?” “No. I have this terrified look on my face cause I’m having. So. Much. Fun.”

72. “What happened to your-” “I lost a bet.” “Why-” “I don’t want to talk about it.”

73. “Then what did you think you would achieve?” “Well, certainly not this.”

74. “Lie to me again. See where that gets you.”

75. “I’m not going to hurt you. I’m going to let you watch as everyone around drops like flies, while you sit here, unable to do a damn thing about it. I will deny you mercy until you beg me for it, you understand? Because I want you to be in as much pain as I am in. I want you to understand what these monsters have done to me.”

76. “At least I didn’t kill anyone today.” “You say that like it was a difficult task.”

77. “Should I ask why you have a knife in your purse?” “It’s a dagger, actually. And no, you shouldn’t.”

78. “Look at you, sacrificing yourself for others! When did you get a heart? I had thought you lost your moral code.”

79. “I’m tired of your lame excuses.” “I was thrown off of a building!”

80. “Don’t you know who I am?” “Yup. I just don’t care.”

81. “You didn’t seriously...?” “Yep.” “You just...?” “Yep.” “Doesn’t that mean...?” “Probably.”

82. “Why are we running?” “There’s no time to explain! Keep running!” “We’re being shot at! What did you do?” “I kind of, sort of, maybe stumbled on an illegal drug operation?”

83. “Honey, I’ve got some good news and some bad news.” “What’s the good news?” “I’ll never do it again.”

84. “What part of, ‘I don’t want to get shot and thrown in jail,’ do you not understand?”

85. “I really don’t think that’s a good idea.” “Really! Of all things, you think this is a bad idea.”

#Criminal Minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds imagines #derek morgan #derek morgan imagine #derek morgan imagines #derek morgan x reader #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner imagine #law and order svu #law and order svu imagines #law and order svu imagine #Law and Order:SVU imagines #Olivia Benson #olivia benson imagine #olivia benson imagines #sonny carisi #sonny carisi imagines #sonny carisi imagine #amanda rollins #ncis #ncis imagine #ncis imagines #NCIS New Orleans #ncis los angeles imagine #Blue Bloods #blue bloods imagine #blue bloods imagines #blue bloods imgaine #jamie reagan imagine

[fandom-imagines-30-blog]

Fandoms!!

Fandoms I do imagines for:

• Lucifer • Supernatural • Riverdale • Doctor Who • Hamilton • AHS (American Horror Story) • The Walking Dead • Criminal Minds • Law and Order:SVU • Divergent • Stranger Things • Bones • Grease • The Hunger Games • Youtubers • Sherlock • Gotham • Marvel • DC Movies/ Shows • Almost any Movies • Bands/ Singers • Celebrities

Willing to Watch/ Do Imagines for:

• Teen Wolf • Vampire Diaries • The Originals • The 100 • Lord of the Rings • The Hobbit Just specify show, character, and prompt

I take any request💕

#gotham imagine #sherlock imagine #supernatural imagine #doctor who imagine #riverdale imagines #hamilton imagine #ahs imagine

[unicornofdanger]

You Can Always Trust Betrayal

Author’s note: I’m sorry that I haven’t posted at all. I’ve had so much school work and there had just been a lot going on. A lot of people have contacted me, telling me how they love my writing and all that and I’m very happy that I’ve made you guys happy. That is what had brought me back to this. I not only enjoy writing these imagines, but I also enjoy reading them. So, I understand what you guys mean when you tell me that you like what I write, who I write for, and how I write. I understand and I’ll try my hardest to post stories more often. I don’t have that many requests at the moment, so I’ll like my prompts list below. 

This also isn’t as good as it could be because I didn’t realize until after I finished this that I had already started something for this prompt that is way better. But maybe I’ll use that for something else.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Masterlist (This has all my writing and prompt lists)

Olivia Benson x reader

32. “I’d take a bullet for you, you know that.

Word Count: 919

Warning: Language, but it’s not that bad. 

The squad room was silent as Y/n walked in and all eyes turned to her. She expected it. What else was she to expect when her partner, the person she was supposed to trust, betrayed her. The squad had been spending weeks trying to find the man that slaughter three women. There were nights were Olivia or Fin would order takeout and everyone would spend the night eating and going over the case. Getting fresh eyes never helped, not when the killer had been under their nose the whole damn time.

Y/n didn’t care that people glared at her or looked at her with eyes full of pity. Mentally she was kicking herself for not realizing that the person she had been riding with for over a month was the person that deserved to be behind bars. As she sat behind her she looked over at the empty one across from her. She felt dirty. She had shared her time and her space with some who didn’t care about her. Hell, he could have even wanted to kill her like he did those other girls. 

“You okay, Y/n?” Fin asked, watching the woman stare at the empty desk.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s just... It’s just weird to see... see it empty, I guess.”

“It is, but things will be back to normal soon,” he told her, thinking that it would comfort her.

“Your right.”

Turning away from Fin, she grabbed paperwork that she had finished a few days before and stood from her desk to drop it in Olivia’s office. Olivia was sitting behind her desk when Y/n walked in. She probably was trying to figure out how soon she could get a new detective in. It seemed that they were always getting new detectives. Y/n always ended up riding with them and they normally never lasted too long, always transferring within three months. She was so tired of that. So tired of learning new names and histories. So tired of sharing herself with people that never stayed. She prayed that Olivia couldn’t find a replacement.

“Finished these up,” Y/n stated as she set the folders of paperwork in a bin on the desk. Olivia looked up from her computer, thanking her for dropping them by.

Before she could walk out the door, Olivia stood from her chair, “Y/n, could I speak with you for a minute.”

Y/n nodded as Olivia walked around the desk to shut the door.

“I know what happened the other day is hard to digest. You weren’t the only one that was taken back by it.”

Y/n rolled her eyes. “Hard to digest? Betrayal isn’t hard to digest, it just hurts like a bitch!”

Olivia was taken back by the harsh words and Y/n instantly regretted opening her mouth. Everyone was just trying to comfort her. They just want her to know that they were in her corner. But, for some reason, she didn’t believe them. Maybe she thought that they too would betray her.

“Y/N-” Olivia started.

“Don’t Y/n me,” she told her lieutenant. “You can’t possibly know what it’s like. What it’s like to be betrayed like that because you have never had a partner do that to you, Olivia! Never!”

Olivia couldn’t possibly know the betrayal that Y/n had gone through in her life. She couldn’t know what it’s like to watch betrayal unfold and be unable to do anything about. Y/n had watched her parents betray each other as they were often seeing other people. She watched as the betrayal split them apart and lead to her father getting in his car and never coming back. Never calling. Never seeing his daughter ever again. She then watched her mother betray her senses. Watching her pump her body full of alcohol, crack, pills, and whatever else she could get her hands on. All because she had betrayed the man she loved and in return, he betrayed her. 

So, Olivia couldn’t know what it was like to be betrayed by someone that she was supposed to trust. She couldn’t know what it was like to trust someone, only for them to leave. Only for them to hurt themselves and those around them. Only for them to hurt you. Olivia couldn’t know. 

Olivia shook her head. “Okay, I may not know what it’s like, but I have your back. I want you to know that.”

Tears filled her eyes and Y/n wiped them away before they could fall. “I just don’t... I don’t...”

She couldn’t bear to be betrayed by anyone else. She had held it together for so long after her parents betrayed each other. After they betrayed her. She held her broken pieces together, gluing them back in place. One more time, though, one more time and she didn’t think she had the strength. 

“Y/n you can trust us. You can trust me. I’d take a bullet for you, you know that. Anyone in this building would.”

“Don’t... don’t say that,” Y/n told her as tears started to stream down her face. “Don’t say that. I don’t want any of you to take a bullet, get yourselves killed for me.”

Olivia wrapped her in her arms. “Y/n, your a good cop and an even better person. I’ll be your partner until we can find a new one, okay?”

“Okay,” Y/n croaked, stepping out of Olivia’s arms. “Just don’t take a bullet for me.”

#Olivia Benson #olivia benson imagine #olivia benson imagines #law and order svu #law and order svu imagines #law and order svu imagine #Law and Order:SVU imagines #imagine #imagines

[svubloods]

THE PEOPLE ERIKA LEFT BEHIND: Imagine looking into your Mother’s Death (PART TWELVE)

Masterlist with all the parts HERE

Imagine looking into your Mother’s Death

“So what you’re telling me is that you learn three languages at this place and none of them are Spanish?” Your Abuela, otherwise known as your Grandmother Lucia questioned in genuine shock, “And we pay how much for this fancy school?” 

The latter question was directed to your Father, Rafael, who was walking on the other side of you, as all three of you made your way towards your school. Walking down Manhattan streets in step, chatting away. This was definitely not a usual occurrence. You usually walked by yourself or Sarah walked you as both your school and your Dad’s apartment were both in central Manhattan, only occasionally over the past four months that you had been living with you Father did your Grandmother walk you. And never before had they both accompanied you. But today was different, your Grandmother was making Mr Barba go out to breakfast with her for a catch-up as he had been so busy recently with a big case and your Dad reluctantly agreed and cleared his schedule for the morning. 

You were preparing to leave as you did every morning when your Father suggested walking with you before they headed off to a breakfast place. He was quite hesitant in his suggestion, unsure if he was going too far as if he was worried that he was making a mistake. You saw his visible relief when you agreed and you also caught your Grandmother beaming but you didn’t make a thing of it. 

“We aren’t paying anything for this school,” Mr. Barba informed, in an exasperated tone, but sending a quick smirk in your direction, “She’s on scholarship, I’ve told you this, remember?” 

You smiled back at her in confirmation and suppressed a giggle, despite everything you found Mr. Barba’s and your Grandmothers exchanges quite amusing.

“Okay, so you’re telling me he hasn’t been teaching you anything?” She persisted, looking at you and then shooting disappointed daggers at her son, as you continued to navigate the busy morning streets. 

You looked at your Dad for a the answer to that question too. 

“I gave her book,” He offered, sheepishly, shrugging his shoulders in a childish manner. 

You couldn’t suppress your laugh and neither could Mr.Barba at that point. Abuela Lucia was not amused swotting at you both in frustration but it was lighthearted. 

“Then it’s decided, I’ll start teaching you Spanish. We’ll have our first lesson on Saturday,” She insisted, determined. 

You felt Mr.Barba tense up slightly beside you, you glanced up at him and narrowed your eyes. 

“That’s not necessary Mama,” He began, “She already has so much to learn. I don’t want too…” 

“It’s fine,” You interjected with a smile, “I want to learn. I’m technically Cuban too, aren't I?” 

“Yes, you are,” Your Grandmother confirmed, “And you have to learn eventually,”

“Are you sure?” Mr . Barba questioned, ignoring his mother and looking back at you. 

“Why not?” You shrugged, nonchalantly, “It should be fun!” 

“Well, okay…” He considered, somewhat nervous, shooting concerned glances to his mother. 

“This is perfect, how about I host next lunch Saturday?” Your Grandmother started to plan almost ecstatically, “And you can finally see where I live and where your Dad grew up. I’m going to take you to get the best Cuban food you can have outside my kitchen and I can show you round the neighbourhood and you can meet everyone…they are all so excite…” 

“Mom,” Mr .Barba interrupted cutting her off suddenly, making you jump ever so slightly, before more calmly adding, “Not yet,” 

“But I want to go,” You insisted as you all finally reached the school gates.  

“You do?” He asked, surprised, raising an eyebrow almost suspiciously at you. 

“Can I not be curious about my own heritage?” You shot back, pointedly, eager to make sure he was suspicious of you. 

“I just figured it would be too much too soon,” 

“You figured wrong,” You corrected. 

“I guess I did,” He accepted, unable to suppress the wide smile forming on his face. 

“Then it’s settled,” Your Grandmother grinned. 

“Sounds like a plan,” You agreed, “I’m sorry to cut this short but I have to go or I’m going to be late,” 

You then swung your bag over your shoulder while spinning on your heels and walking past the gates towards your school. 

“hasta luego querida,” Your grandmother called after you.

You looked back and tossed a wave over your shoulder at both of them, “Adios Abuela,” and after you tentatively added, “Adiós señor Barba,” 

“Where’d you learn that?” He shouted.

“The book,” You responded before turning back around and rushing towards the entrance as the bell rang out. 

Rafael Barba turned to look at his mother after waiting and watching his young daughter disappear into the crowd of other children all in the same uniform. He turned to see his Mother beaming at him, he rolled his eyes at her in response. 

“What?” He questioned, “Stop looking at me like that,”

“Can I not be happy to see my baby happy?” She snapped back feistily, as she linked arms with him as they continued to make their way to breakfast, it was only a few blocks away now. 

“Who says I’m happy?” He retorted.

“Oh don’t be ridiculous, it’s written all over your face,” She responded, grabbing his face and squeezing it.

“Perhaps, I need to work on my poker face then if I’m that obvious,” He commented dryly.

“I’m also your Mother, you can’t hide anything from me,” She added pointedly, “I know when you’re angry, sad, happy. I feel it in my heart. A mother always knows,” 

“I am happy,” He finally admitted, almost in relief, resting his head on her shoulder momentarily, “Things have been…”

“Better?” She offered. 

He nodded, “A lot better, sometimes...I can’t even believe it,” 

“What changed?” She probed. 

“We started talking. We had some difficult conversations and I started to let up on some things and we just started getting along…but I don’t know…” He offered, hesitantly. 

“What do you mean by ‘difficult conversations’?” She probed once again, inquisitively.

“You know,” He began to respond vaguely, “About Erika…”

“We haven’t ever discussed her either, you know? Well, not properly at least,” She pointed out, encouragingly. 

“That’s because…there isn’t much to say,” He answered falsely, not wanting to go into the details of everything and unnecessarily worry her, “She was just a girl I met at a random bar, we had a couple dates and then I never saw again. And now I won’t ever,” 

“She’s with the Lord now,” His Mother whispered as if she was speaking to herself, “God bless her soul,”

“You don’t know that. You didn’t know her,” Barba commented without thinking. 

His Mother eyes him suspiciously before letting it slide. 

“Well, she gave me my only grandchild. I would hope that’s where she is and that she is at peace so one day she can see Y/N again and so I can thank her for Y/N too,” Rafael’s mother explained.

“Her actions also kept you away from her for years,” Barba pointed out. 

“But I have her now,” She reminded, “…And so do you,” 

“I do,” He nodded, before quickly adding,  “Well at least I think so…”

“You know you can’t jinx it just by talking about it,” She countered. 

“I know I just don’t want to think about it or put too much pressure or thought in case…” 

“It gets bad again?” She offered once again, rubbing his upper arm in a comforting gesture.

“I can’t help but think I’m going to mess this up somehow and things are going so well,” He confessed, “I just want it to stay like this,” 

You slipped into the shadows, burying yourself into the crowd, making sure they couldn't see you as you watched them until they were out of sight. When that happened you walked back out the same way you came and did so undetected. You caught a glance at both of them turning the corner, still chatting away, probably talking about you. 

It was always easier talking to your Grandmother than it was talking to him at least you weren’t pretending when you did. 

But you couldn’t think about that right now, you had somewhere you needed to be and you had to make sure you didn’t miss them. The sensation of exhilaration coursed through you as you made your way to your destination. You’d never skipped school before, you couldn’t even fathom it and now here you were. And though you felt a twang of guilt, you knew you had to do this if you wanted to find out the truth. 

It’s been two months since that dinner with your Dad in which he rather reluctantly admitted to you that one of the reasons he took you away from your family was that he believed that your Grandfather covered up your mother’s murder and portrayed it as a car accident. Things stayed the same for a couple days, perhaps unsurprisingly it took you a while to process. It elicited strange feelings for you, you without a doubt knew that your Grandfather was not capable of doing something like that so it wasn’t that. It was more towards your Mother. 

Your whole life you’d been given this rather unrealistic perception of your Mother. Everyone talked about her good qualities, their favorite and fondest memories with her, why she was special, amazing, etc but never anything on the opposite end of the spectrum. Her bad qualities, her annoying habits, her biggest mistakes. And while finding out she was murdered hit you very hard in a rather morbid way you felt more connected to her than ever. Suddenly she was a real person with flaws, issues, and to be blunt people aren’t murdered for no reason. She wasn’t this unmatchable unattainable super amazing person that everyone portrayed her to be. She was just a person, like you. 

And upon finding yourself more connected to her than ever you were also overwhelmed with the feeling of needing to do something. You felt responsible and you felt the weight of that the lack of justice brings and it seemed like no one was doing anything to try and figure out what really happened to her. 

So that left you to do something about it.

Given the limitations of being thirteen, your investigation into this coverup had been taking a while and two months in you knew you needed to enlist some help with this. You’d been trying your best, from what you gathered from Mr. Barba’s first confession is that if you play ball he’s more free with answers. So reluctantly you’s been ‘warming’ up to him and acting as if you were started to get settled, burying your disdain and putting on a charade. Having the investigation to focus on improved things a lot at school and at his place so everyone was under the assumption that you were settling down. School was a lot better, not that your grades ever slipped, but you were back to acting like before this all happened. Acting like you were progressing also meant everyone was less uneasy around you and gave you more freedom, which gave you more freedom to investigate.

You won’t say that what didn’t know what you were doing was wrong. You knew it quite well and you did struggle with it. Pretending to be nice to Mr Barba so he would trust you, so you could investigate, all with the intention that by solving this you could potentially be allowed to go live back home as he claimed that the whole reason he was so unwilling to compromise was because he thought your Grandfather was in on the coverup. Finding out the truth would reveal this not to be the case and maybe you could get him to let you go back home. You felt guilty because he would smile and look so happy whenever you engaged with him positively, you could tell he really believed he was making progress with you. He really believed it and it was all a lie.

The public library was only a quick subway stop away. The library itself was quite busy for a Wednesday morning but then again, you never went to any library other than your school library on a Wednesday morning. It was starting to feel like that everything around was serving as a reminder to remind you that you shouldn’t be here right now. You were technically doing something bad, skipping school, even if you believed you were doing the right thing. Though while you walking in your uniform raised a couple of eyebrows, to your relief that was the extent of the curiosity you aroused. You tried to walk quickly as if trying to make yourself invisible as you headed for the archive room.

It didn’t take you long to find what you were looking for or should you say, who you were looking for. You took a confident towards his turned back before hesitating. There was a high chance that he could refuse you and take you straight back to school. Your confidence dwindled so you opted to just walk past him in hopes that he would notice you.

That didn’t take long either.

“Y/N?” You finally heard his voice say, you’d been caught, “Is that you? Y/N?” 

You turned around slowly and rather reluctantly to face him. You flashed him a nervous smile hesitantly, with a pleading expression to boot. 

“Heyyy,” You let out. 

“What are you doing here?” Will whispered harshly, stepping right up by you so those around you couldn't hear him scolding you, “Why aren’t you in school? Does anyone know you’re here?” 

“No,” You responded, simply. 

“You can’t just skip school whenever you like. I’m taking you back right now and calling…” He began, grasping your arm and gently starting to pull you towards the door. 

“No, you can’t,” You insisted, in a hushed tone, stopping and shaking his hand off you, “I came here to see you,” 

“How did you know I would even be here and why didn’t you just call?” He began to ask, confusion written all over his features. 

You looked around nervously before pulling him aside out of earshot of all the people milling around you. 

“I need your help and…you’re the only one I trust right now,” You admitted. 

“With what?” He asked, confusion turning to concern, “Are you okay, Y/N?” 

“I don’t know anymore,” You confessed truthfully, “That’s why I need your help. I need you to help me find out the truth about what really happened to my Mom,” 

“What are you talking about? Your Mom…” He began, looking taken aback for a second before looking confused. 

“You can’t keep avoiding this,” You whispered. 

“Oh Y/N,” He breathed, not meeting your eyes. 

“That’s why I need your help, come on,” You sighed before grabbing his arm and dragging him along with you. 

“Where are we going?” He whispered, stumbling along with you. 

“The private study room. I booked it for the next couple hours,” You responded, continuing to guide him along. 

“Of course you did,” He commented, “How did you know I was here?” 

“I called your office and they said you went to the Library every Wednesday morning to read the latest law reviews,” You shrugged, stopping at the door and opening it for him to step inside. 

“You’re telling me that my assistant just told you exactly where I was?” He probed, skeptically

“I did pretend to be your mother if I’m being honest,” You confessed with yet another shrug, “Come take a seat,” 

“You know I could take you straight back to school,” He pointed out, taking seat heavily as you settled yourself across the table. 

“Then why aren’t you?” You asked, tilting your head at him in curiosity. 

“Because I know you and I know you’ll do this no matter what I do,” 

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?” 

“I haven’t been avoiding you, Y/N. Just you finding out has brought up all the emotions of when I found out what really happened to your Mom. I guess I’m not as over it as I thought,” 

“You always used to talk about it as if you were there when it happened,” 

“Yeah, that’s because it was easier than admitting the truth. When your Mom died we were in the middle of a massive argument and I had stormed off and skipped that security detail that day because I was so mad. I heard over the scanner that there was an officer down where I was supposed to be. So while mopping in a bar your mom was murdered. I should have been there and when I arrived they told me it was an accident and I believed them because theses people it was my colleagues. It was only a few years ago when I found out the truth. I was going to therapy because even after all that time I was carrying so much guilt and I used my connections and I got the actual case file and it just wasn’t what the media reported.” He explained sadly, clenching his fist and unclenching as he spoke, his breathing heavy and his eyes cloudy. 

“It’s not your fault,” You comforted. 

“Thanks, kiddo,” He acknowledged, but his tone made it clear that he didn’t quite believe your words. 

“And you didn’t do anything with what you found out?” You questioned. 

“What could I do? I’m not a cop anymore and I don’t think the Reagan’s know,” He replied. 

“But that doesn’t make sense, one of them must have pulled the file at least once,” You figured, confused. 

“I’m sure they have…on the system,” He countered, “On the system, it was a car crash. I only found out the truth because I went to official records and pulled all the case material and even there was the file that you can find on the system and at very bottom was the original file. And it was in the restricted section, I only got access because I knew a guy that worked there and even then I had to sign a log and at the time I was the only person who had ever requested to see it. Your Dad must have done that too being an ADA and all and that must be how he found out,” 

“So they really don’t know?” 

“I don’t think so and I wasn’t prepared to in a way let them loose her all over again. At that time they had accepted it, they had moved on…” 

“But they deserve the truth!” You insisted. 

“This will only hurt them, I can promise you that because there aren’t any answers or explanations just more questions which will only cause more grief,” He elaborated for you. 

“So if I figure it out then we can tell them, right?” You asked. 

“It’s not your responsibility Y/N and frankly it’s not your responsibility to do so either. It’s unhealthy…” He started. 

“Then whose responsibly is it?” You sighed, stopping momentarily and sinking back in your chair, “Because they aren’t doing a good enough job,”

“I understand you’re frustrated I am too but it still isn’t your responsibility to figure out,” He insisted, his eyes pleading you to stop, to let it go. 

“I just you need you to understand. If I can figure this out, I might be able to go home,” 

“What do you mean?” He inquired. 

“Mr Barba told me that one of reasons he won’t let me see my family because he thinks my Grandpa had something to do with the coverup so if I prove him wrong he might let me see them properly again or even better yet let me live with them,” You explained, smiling a little just at the thought of being home again. 

“I can understand why he would think that but I’m sure they have no idea what really happened, including your Grandfather,” He confirmed, “But I still don’t think this is a good idea for you to take on,” 

“Why not?” 

“You’re thirteen, Y/N. You’re a child.” 

“Everyone keeps on saying that and I’m sick of it. Being a child doesn’t mean I don’t have an opinion or feelings. I’m sick of everyone deciding what’s best for me without even asking me what I think. Do you have any idea what it’s been like over the past four months? I just want to go home even if it means pretending to like that evil man just so he isn’t suspicious, even if it means doing the job that some actual adults should have done. I just want to go home and be normal again. I…just want to go home…” You somewhat exploded, your emotions spilling over and your eyes blurring. 

“Okay,” He finally agreed, circling the table and holding you close, “I still am not happy with you doing this but I also know that you will do it without me even if I don’t agree. 

“So you will help?” You asked, looking up at him as you hugged him hard. 

“I’ll help you prove your Grandpa wasn’t involved in the coverup but not your Mom’s murder, that’s…that’s too far,” He responded, before kissing the top of your head tenderly. 

After that, you proceeded to show him everything you had gathered over the past month or so. You also convinced him to go get his copy of the original case file that he had made secretly to show you from his apartment. He informed you before handing over the file that he taken out all the crime scene photos but he gave it to you none the less, reluctantly though. He watched over you like a hawk as you went through it silently, absorbing the information. As you did it still didn’t register that this person was your Mother, there was no overwhelming feeling of sadness or any other emotion, just determination to figure out it all out.

“Don’t you think that’s rather cruel?” He pointed out, bluntly, after a long silence, “What you’re doing, to Mr. Barba that is.” 

You looked up and locked eyes with him from across the table. His head was tilted to the side as he watched you carefully as if tracking your every move with a form of hesitation as he continued to debate his involvement. You paused for a second, considering his suggestion. 

Before shaking your head and in equal bluntness in your tone, responding, “No,” 

“Really? Do you honestly believe that?” He countered. 

“Perhaps you’re right,” You offered, “But I don’t care. I care about this and only this,” 

“This isn’t you, Y/N” 

“It’s who I am now,” You corrected, dryly, “…It’s who he made me,” 

“You shouldn’t let it do that…You shouldn't let him do that to you, Y/N.” 

You shrugged, “This isn’t about him anymore. It’s about her,” 

“What’s your next move?” He asked. 

“Think you could get me in touch with the original detectives on the case?” You asked. 

“I can try,” He nodded, “But for now, I’m taking you home.” 

“Will you call me when…” 

“Yes,” He confirmed, taking all the evidence off you as you both headed out the door. 

“I know you’re not happy Will,” You commented, nudging him gently. 

“I’m not,” Will sighed, “But not just because of this but also because I didn’t really realize how unhappy you were and still are. I really am sorry for everything that’s happened Y/N,” 

“It’s okay,” You shrugged, faking disregard. 

“But it’s not,” He insisted, “The fact that you’re going to such lengths just to get shot of getting out of living with him. No, this isn’t right.” 

“What are you saying?” 

“That I’m…nothing. I’m just going to take you home and we’ll figure this out together,” He promised.

You nodded in agreement. 

“I’m really glad I have you, Will,” You confessed. 

“I’m glad to have you too kiddo,” He winked, a playful tone sparking in his voice, “It’s going to get better. I promise you,” 

“I almost believe you,” You smirked. 

Later on, you found yourself doing your homework at the kitchen counter as your Grandmother Lucia cooked dinner for you and Mr. Barba who would be coming home at any minute. You were chatting idly, having Will helping you out was making you feel a lot less stressed and heavy. 

“You know your Dad does that same thing you do,” She suddenly stated, causing you to glance up at her.

“What?” You inquired. 

“You both tilt your head to the side when you’re concentrating or reading but you scrunch up your nose when you’re confused. It’s adorable,” She beamed as she continued to cook. 

“My Grandma Mary used to call me her little bunny because of that,” You remembered fondly. 

“What was she like?” Abuela Lucia inquired, “Your other Grandmother?” 

“She was very happy like all of the time happy. It was sort of strange actually, she always used to say that life was too short to waste my time being miserable. She was a terrible cook but really good baker. She always used to compare me to my Mom so I would connect to her. She was definitely the funniest in our family, usually unintentionally, because she acted without thinking a lot, and she was such a badass too. She ran her own business, had five kids and a bunch grandkids and it never seemed to overwhelm her. I don’t think there was anything she couldn't handle. She was really great and I miss her a lot.” You retold briefly, not wanting to make yourself sad by thinking about how much you missed her sometimes, “But Grandpa says that even though we miss her we can be happy knowing that she is with my Mom again. Because my Grandma missed my Mom a lot,” 

“She sounds wonderful,” Abuela Lucia complimented, smiling to herself. 

“Why did you ask?”

“I don’t know. I was just thinking about how I’m really glad that I get to be your Grandmother after missing out n so much and I just wondering who the person who also got the pleasure was,” 

“Can I ask you a question?” You pondered aloud. 

“Sure,” She encouraged. 

“What was my Abuelo like?” 

You caught her physically tense up but neither of you got to say another word as the buzzer rang out in the apartment, distracting you both. 

“Your Dad’s probably forgotten his keys again,” She joked. 

“I’ll get it,” You offered, hopping off your seat and heading over. 

You swung open the door without really considering who was standing at it. 

“Hey, Mr. Bar…Grandpa?"

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[svubloods]

Imagine reuniting with your family, The Reagans and your boyfriend, Sonny after being undercover (LOST AND FOUND PART THREE)

MATERLIST WITH ALL THE PARTS: HERE

Imagine reuniting with your family, The Reagans and your boyfriend, Sonny after being undercover (LOST AND FOUND PART THREE)

Eleven Months Ago

“Sonny…” You gasped, somehow your footing seemed to go in the shock and surprise of it all and you desperately clutched the bedpost as you continued to look down at the love your life on one knee in front of you.

“Y/N,” He grinned up at you, not breaking eye contact with you. 

“Really?” You managed to get out, sniffling, as tears streamed down your face. 

“Really,” He promised. 

“Are you sure?” You continued. 

“Yes,” He chuckled. “But I’m leaving and…” 

“Not right now,” He interrupted, “Right now, it’s just us and I don’t want to spend another minute not engaged to you,” 

“I love you,” You whispered. 

“I love you too,” He replied, before teasingly adding, “I’d love you even more if you answered my question though,” 

“Yes, yes, yes,” You spluttered in remembrance, shaking as he slipped the ring on your finger before, standing up and beaming at you. 

You stared at each for a second before you grabbed him by the face and pulled him towards you, Sonny grabbed your face, wiping your tears away with his thumbs. You kissed him harder than you ever have before, before resting your forehead against his.

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” You muttered, as you wrapped your arms around each other as you continued to stand in the middle of your bedroom surrounded by the tornado of a mess you had created. 

“I’m the lucky one…”He started to insist after stealing another a kiss. 

“No,” You interrupted, your tone serious as you looked into his blue eyes, “I am. I love you so much that it hurts but it’s the easiest thing in the world. I know I’ll never love anyone as much as I love you and I know I can’t love you any more than I do right this second but I also know that tomorrow I will,” 

One Day Ago

“Dad?" Frank Reagan looked up and across the table to meet the eyes of his waiting daughter. 

He raised his eyebrows in response as he had been too distracted by his thoughts to pay attention to the weekly argument erupting between his two elder children. The table chatter had died down at his lack of response and suddenly everyone was staring at him.

"Do you have anything to add?" Erin continued, hoping to prompt him, her gaze remaining concentrated on her unusually quiet Father.

"To what?” Frank said quickly without thinking before flashing a reassuring smile at his grandchildren. 

He hadn’t meant to worry them.

"You see that Erin he doesn't even need to listen to know your wrong," Danny quipped, in an attempt to distract everyone from his Dad.

It had been happening more frequently ever since the last update on Y/N. Danny had noticed that it was becoming harder for everyone but especially his Dad to distract himself from worrying about Y/N. Luckily, for Danny, his ruse worked and Erin quickly snapped back at him, forgetting all about their Dad’s unusual lack of concentration. Erin and Danny quickly became engulfed in an argument once again much to most of the rest of the table's enjoyment. Jamie's attention though stayed on his distracted father.

"You okay, Dad?" Jamie asked, concern evident in his tone. He gave a stern nod in an attempt to appease him but Frank couldn't help but glance over at the empty seat between Jamie and Sonny. 

Y/N's seat.

The seat he insisted on being set for her ever since she had left. Because back then he never knew when she would walk through the door again. Frank knew now though and he knew it would be a while before Y/N would be able to come home from the hospital. If only he could give the rest of them the same type of clarity, reassurance. 

Hope. 

But he knew better than most that as a parent especially sometimes you have to make difficult decisions. And right now honoring, Y/N’s decision was his priority until he could convince her how much of a bad idea it was that is. Jamie had been meaning to ask. It had been weeks since the last update and it was always uncomfortable whenever he tried to bring it up. Nobody wanted to think about the connotations of having someone you love being declared missing in action. But he knew they had to prepare themselves for the worst as the days wore on the chance of her coming back her home were getting smaller and smaller. It seemed though he was the only one concerned about everyone’s lack of acceptance that she might not come back home.

“Have you had any updates about Y/N, Dad?” Jamie asked, tentatively, his words silencing the table.

Frank took in a sharp intake of breath before shaking his head. At that moment, Sonny walked backed into the dining room carrying dessert, a beaming smile on his face as he presented to the table before quickly noticing the somber mood and frowning as he sat down in his seat.

“What’s going on?” He asked.

“Jamie was asking about Y/N,” Danny stated flatly.

Sonny quickly snapped in the commissioner’s direction. The hopefulness and desperation in his eyes boringly apparent to the Commissioner. Frank liked Sonny a lot, he was exactly the sort of person he always hoped and imagined Y/N being with. He was good for her and even better adored her more than life itself. It’s what she deserved, someone who put her first.

“I haven’t heard anything,” Frank lied, before truthfully confessing, “I’m sorry I wasn’t listening…I’ve been distracted lately,”

“Is something going on at work?” Erin suggested, helping to maneuver the conversation to anything else other than her missing sister.

Erin didn’t like to think about her. She was just hoping and waiting for her to come home. She was unsure how long she could keep it up but for now, that was her plan.

“No no, nothing but the usual,” Frank dismissed.

A beat of silence waved over the table.

“Her birthday is next week,” Henry added from the other end of the table, “First time she won’t be here for her birthday,”

Frank swallowed hard.

“Can we stop talking about YN like she’s dead?” Danny suggested, “There is no point in worrying about something we can’t control or know anything about,”

“She’s MIA, Danny,” Jamie reminded, frustrated.

“Exactly,” Danny statted, “Last time I checked Harvard MIA means missing not dead,”

“I know that Danny,” Jamie began, “But statistically speaking...” 

“I don’t care about your fucking statistics!” Danny fired back.

“We can’t keep on avoiding the subject Danny, we need to talk about how she might be…” Jamie persisted.

“Might be what?” Danny demanded, throwing his chair back and standing up and glaring down at his younger brother.

“Dead,” Jamie shot back without thinking, standing up himself “She might be gone and we need to…”

“That’s enough,” Frank intervened, before sternly disciplining “Both of you take a walk, cool off and when you are prepared to apologize to each other you rejoin,”

They both stalked off in separate directions, slamming doors behind them. Frank took in another breath before returning silently to his meal as did everyone else.

“Sonny, why don’t you hand out dessert?” Frank suggested after a beat.

“Smells delicious,” Linda added, easing the tension.

“Thanks, it’s my Nonna’s recipe,” Sonny informed with a full smile but a distracted and flat tone. 

He quickly served out the dish before offering to take the dirty dishes away as if he was trying to do anything to escape back to the kitchen.

“He’s starting to crack,” Henry commented, as soon as Sonny was out of earshot.

“Can you blame him?” Frank questioned, nodding his head in agreement, “We all are,” 

PRESENT DAY

Frank decided it would be best not to probe his daughter further on the matter, as while her tone was confident her eyes failed her sentiment. He couldn’t figure them out, her eyes were lost..broken. Frank was fond of Sonny especially for Y/N so the suggestion that they weren’t together or least she believed they weren’t made him curious because if that were true he would have been able to tell. Frank liked to think that he knew Sonny quite well. Well enough to know that he would not have been able to hide if he had split up with Y/N. Frank could see how ridiculously in love he was with his daughter and that hadn’t changed over the past ten months if anything he loved her more.

But that wasn’t important right now. Even if he didn’t agree with her request to not inform Sonny of her return he decided to respect it until he could talk to her properly about it. Right now he needed to inform the rest of their family that Y/N was back and that thankfully she had come back alive...even if it was only a thread. 

He excused himself, stepping outside the room to decide which of his other children he would inform first. Though while a serious decision, for him it wasn’t a hard one to make.

Erin was his first call.

It was without a doubt that you and Erin shared a unique relationship. Sure you were the only pair of sisters in the family but there was so much more to it than that. If an outsider were to observe you and your three of your siblings, it would be fair to assume that you two were the least close or as many people have commented that the only thing you shared was your face. Which was true to an extent, you and Erin were almost identical with a few differences separating you. You were both tall, tan, slender, resembling your Mother in facial structure but Erin completely resembled your Mother while you had a couple of your Father’s features. His lighter eyes, curly hair and slightly rounder face.

 At the core of your relationship was unconditional love, of course, but it was different for each of you. You’d spent your whole life wanting to be like your big sister, she was twelve years older than you and she was always so grown up to you. You spent a lot of time when you were you were younger trying to catch up. To you, she had always been this unstoppable force of intelligence, beauty, and strength. She was a fantastic mother, lawyer and...sister. 

Erin’s feelings towards you were much more layered. Erin loved you, sure, but it was only when your Mother died did she realize that she hadn’t always been the best big sister to you. The age gap and the fact that she became a mother herself when you were only ten fuelled it but it didn’t stop her from feeling bad. Erin very much so took up the Mother role when your Mom died as she passed when you were only a teenager while Erin, on the other hand, was nearing thirty. 

Which is the reason for your interesting dynamic, you were sisters but you both often found yourself in situations in which she would very much treat you like you were Nicky’s sister and not hers.It caused tension to say the least. A balancing act between her trying to give you the same she had had with your mom but on the other hand, you were also an adult yourself now, an adult who could make her decisions and would usually prefer your older sister not to impart her opinion on how you lived your life. Erin carried the feelings towards you that many mothers carry and feel towards their children. It was very similar to the guilt and feelings of inadequacy she felt towards her actual daughter, Nicky. She constantly feared that she hadn’t done enough for you and that she could not be there for you that caused any problem that you may encounter in life. But those motherly feelings were very much balanced with her admiration for you which were rooted in her position in being your older sister.

She admired your seemingly unflappable confidence, the way you headed into any situation with determination and zeal and selflessness. She knew that you tended to put other first which was why she tried to convince you not to go on the mission in the first place. You would do anything to help people but nothing to help yourself.

Jamie was next.

Perhaps it was the fact that you two were the closest in age but everyone knew that you and Jamie were each other’s best friend. And when Joe was still around you were often dubbed the Three Musketeers, if not the three troublemakers. Despite the age difference between you guys as well it always seemed like it was you and Jamie versus your older siblings. Joe tended to fluctuate between the sides depending on the argument. But that was Joe for you, the favorite, you couldn’t love Joe. 

You and Jamie talked about everything when things were bad you were each other go to. When it came to dark times he was the one that the family got to talk to you. He was the first person you told everything too. He was the only one that knew you joined the academy at eighteen. And you were the first to know that he didn’t want to become a lawyer anymore. After Sydney left him, he called you. And you spent the rest of the night eating convenient store cake and cheap beer. At some point, you also started doing karaoke, but the memoirs are sort of blur at this point, in time. And your relationship only strengthened when he was eventually assigned to the same station as you, though you technically outranked him as you were already an SVU decretive and he was just an officer.

He took you leaving the hardest and tried hard to convince you not to go but by the end accepted that this was something you felt like you needed to do. He’d missed you terribly over the past few months and hadn’t been easy wondering basically every day if he was going to lose another sibling…another best friend. 

Jamie, just wanted you to be okay, in every way, which is why he liked Sonny for you, he saw from the start how much happier you were when you were with him. You and Jamie needed each other and his only wish was that he would get to see each other again.

And then of course before he called your Grandfather Henry, Linda, and the boys and Nicky.

There was Danny.

You and Danny were the most alike. 

You were both impulsive with fiery personalities. Danny was more impulsive though, some say aggressive you say deeply passionate but no one could deny he was an incredible cop, one of the best. But he is an even better brother. You and Danny were close despite the fifteen-year age gap between the two of you. You guys had a special relationship with Danny. He was like your mentor, friend, brother and a second father all rolled into one. You were the baby of the family and he treated you as such.It was just different with Danny though. When you were born Danny was around fifteen years old and was going through a really tough time. He was just lost and like a lot of kids was confused about where his life was going. It was just worst because Danny’s fiery personality meant he was just getting into trouble. And then your Mom went into labor a month early and Danny was the only one there because he had been suspended from school. He drove her to the hospital after only one driving lesson and stayed with her until your Dad got there. He was the first family member besides your parents to hold you. Your Mom told you that be burst into tears at the sight of you, but Danny tends to forget that part when he tells the story.

And after that, he cleaned up his act. Joined the force and the Marines respectively when of age and got together Linda. He says that holding you for the first time made him realize that there was more to life than screwing up. Real fulfillment came from the ones you love. He said that you were so small that day and the world was so big and he just had to do his part to make it better for you. So you shared a special bond. You think that he found it easier to talk to you and tell you things because he knew that you wouldn’t judge him. And you did talk a lot. When he confessed to you about the PTSD and stuff you went to Linda and you Dad to get help for him. He was important to you and you were extremely important to him. But being so similar means that you clashed occasionally. And you most definitely clashed before you left. You didn’t say goodbye to anyone properly before you left but you left on friendly terms with everyone except Danny. The last time you saw Danny all you did was fight over the fact you were leaving. There was no convincing him, he was adamantly against you leaving. And in the moments that you feared you were going to die that was what you thought about. Would your last words to your older brother be: ‘I hate you’?

They all arrived in order except for Danny. Linda, the boys, and your Grandfather who got there way before him. You don’t think anyone was prepared for the sight of you in your current state. 

Your medicine was strong and was in full swing as they started to arrive, which was needed considering the amount of pain you were in, you couldn't imagine how bad you would feel without the painkillers. It made it hard to concentrate, to be lucid, to speak but there faces when they saw you for the first time?

That was as clear as day.

“Oh my god,” Erin breathed, her briefcase falling to the ground in shock, as she saw you for the first time.

You didn’t hear her come in but you heard her reaction. You slowly turned to face her as she stood in shock watching you. You smiled and reached out for her as best you could. You didn’t even see her move, she was so fast rushing to your side.You looked up at her and met her gaze for a second. You’d never seen your sister speechless before.

“Erin,” You said simply, breaking the silence.

“Yeah?” She responded, finally looking at you properly, her tone unusually calm and you could immediately tell that she was trying to play it cool.

“Hi,” you greeted simply.

“Hey,” She finally let out as if she had been holding her breath.

“Are you okay?” You asked, reaching up for her face.

“Why are you asking me that?” She whispered, helping your hand up and resting on her cheek so she could lean into it as her eyes filled with tears, “Oh Y/N, I’m sorry…”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“Because I’m crying and I’m trying hard not too because I want to be here for you,” She quietly sobbed clutching your hand that was on her face.

“I missed you,” You comforted

.“I missed you so much,” She smiled sadly, “I wish I could hug you. I want to squeeze some common sense into you. Never do this again,”

“I can’t go anywhere at the minute,” You teased.

Erin finally let out a genuine grin before taking a deep breath and composing herself.“Right then, I’m going to quickly find your doctor and check your insurance and treatment plan, okay?” She informed, “I’m going to handle everything. Don’t you worry,”

You tried to say something to the effect that she didn’t need to do that but she span on her heels and walked out promising to return as soon as possible. There was no point stopping her, in fact, you were almost grateful that despite the time that had passed, things between you stayed the same. You were never alone as long as Erin was around.

The grogginess meant that you don’t know how much time passed before Jamie finally trust through the door. 

If you were being honest you had heard him coming, the running in his heavy boots towards your hospital room created quite a racket. Like Erin, he was shocked to see you so incapacitated, injured, broken but he recovered much quicker. 

He was shaking as he slowly approached your bedside, a sharp contrast to how fast he rushed down here. From his heavy breathing, you couldn't tell if he was nervous or if he was just simply out of breath.

“I’m so glad you’re alive,” He finally said, still panting.

“Just barely,” You joked before adding, “Me too,”

“I thought you were dead,” He confessed, he was composed as ever physically but his eyes were wavering.

“I would have too if I was in your position,” You agreed, “I’m sorry, Jamie. You were right.”

“That doesn’t matter because you aren’t...dead,” He dismissed quickly, still breathing heavily, “You’re still here. You’re still here. I was so worried that I…”

“What?”

“That I’d lose you too,” He let out, a stray tear falling from the corner of his eyes and rolling down his cheek which he wiped away harshly.

“Oh, Jamie,” You sighed, pulling him for a hug despite the pain the pressure caused.“I couldn't lose you too,” He cried into the nook of your neck.

“I’m here J,” You soothed, “I’m right here. I’m so so sorry,”

You stayed like that for a while. Talking quietly to each other, everyone giving you space. 

Finally, Linda, your Grandfather, Nicky, and the boys all arrived. Everyone was so hesitant around you, at first they didn’t believe that you were actually here and as soon as they accepted it they were overwhelmed by your state. You’d never seen your Grandfather cry but he made you tear up when he cried out of pure joy after seeing you again. Hours passed and you slipped in and out of consciousness but every time you woke up, they were all there waiting for you. It was an amazing feeling though you couldn’t ignore the glaring absence of your oldest brother…Danny.

Many hours later the door swung open and tensed expecting Danny to be standing in the doorway.

But it wasn’t Danny.

No.

It was the person your heart was aching to see, that every fibre of your being was aching to see but your brain was telling you not see. Not to see, not to talk to, not to do anything with. 

Because you thought it would hurt him too much after you’d done. It hurt you but even worse that it had hurt him too. And you couldn't bear the thought of being a cause of pain to someone you loved so much. 

So it was your turn to be shocked when that door opened to reveal Sonny Carisi standing there.

The only man you’d ever truly loved.

Your ex-boyfriend. Ex-Fiancé.

And yet your heart soared when you saw him. True unbridled happiness, relief, excitement washed over you for just a moment when you locked eyes and equally drank in the sight of you in. 

But that feeling was quickly replaced with the pain of knowing that because of you and your actions...

You weren’t anything to each other anymore.

THREE MONTHS EARLIER

The wind whipped you harshly as you slipped out the apartment.

2 am.

The streets of Santa Barbara empty, sleepy, safe. You walked as far away as you could until you were sure that you weren’t being followed. You clutched your coat around you tightly and after you finally walked passed two other telephone boxes you finally entered the third one you came across. 

Tears had been streaming down your face as soon as you had cleared one black away from the apartment. You were shaking at this point barely able to slot in the coins or dial the number. You were so unsteady leaning against the flithy phone box as you held your breath as the phone rang in your ear.

“Hey, you’ve reached Detective Sonny Carisi. I can’t come to the phone right now but if you leave a message. I’ll get back to you as soon as possible,”

“Hey, Sonny…” You began, your knuckled going white as you clutched the phone desperately, unable to make your voice less shaky, you were already crying and in all honestly you didn't know when you were going to stop, “It’s me…Y/N. I know it’s been a while since we last talked and I’m sorry for that. And I’m so so sorry that I have to do this way…but I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be with you anymore. I can’t put you through this anymore. I can’t. I love you too much. I want you to know that in case I never see you again. I want you to be happy…with someone else. I know I can’t make you happy like you deserve to be . I can’t make you happy. Not anymore, things have changed. I’m sorry. Goodbye Sonny,”

You hung up the phone as quick as you could before sinking to the ground, with an inexorable shake and sob. Clutching your knees in an attempt to hold yourself together. 

You felt like you’d make the biggest mistake of your life but it was what you needed to do.

It was the right thing to do.

And God did it hurt.

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