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gracieheartspedro · 9 months

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Cool About It

joel miller x fem! reader

Description: after your first encounter, joel turns into an asshole every time you're around. when tommy makes you two go out on patrol together, it turns into a muddled mess. turns out, he didn't hate you at all, he just sucks at emotions.

Part 2/3

FIND PART 1 HERE

PART 2 HERE

Word count: 6.3k

Warnings: MINORS DNI! this is 18+, post!outbreak joel, killing of infected (including a child), blood, some LIGHT gore, age gap (more specified in this part), very smutty, unprotected p in v, fingering, oral (f and m receiving), overstimulation, dirty talk, multiple orgasms, orgasm denial, pet names, joel is still a menace to society and a jerk

Author's Note: Thank you thank you thank you!! you all are so fabulous and sweet. I'm gonna make a masterlist soon, so be on the lookout. I'm also starting a tag list so, if you want to be included, please let me know! All feedback is welcomed. I love you all sm.

I came prepared for absolution if you'd only ask

So I take some offense when you say, "No regrets"

I remember it's impossible to pass your test

But I'm trying to forget about it

Feelin' like I'm breaking a sweat about it

Wishin' you would kindly get out of my head about it

Tellin' myself one day I'll forget about it

Knowin' that it probably isn't true

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t want Joel on more of your patrols.

The patrols after your night together ended up being filled with unspoken sexual tension. You’d go home sexually frustrated and hungry for more, but you were never bold enough to make a move. And to be real, you weren’t sure if you should. He’d say something about keeping your shoulders straight when you shot, you’d say something stupid like “make me” and he’d spit back with, “I may just do that, girl.”

But it never went anywhere.

Even if you tried to make a pass, he’d make an excuse or remind you that you two were strictly working at the moment.

You once invited him over after a particularly long shift, wanting some relief from the ache between your thighs.

“Got things to get done at home,” He said, “Maybe another time.”

So after that week of patrols, you were suddenly never on his patrols again. You were put on the exact opposite shifts, actually. You had some sneaking suspicions that he asked Tommy to switch it up. He stopped looking at you during morning meetings and eventually you decided to drop the whole idea of him.

It still crossed your mind every time you saw him, though. How he felt on your lips. How his body felt connected with yours.

Your breathing would change every time you reminisced on your time together. He would consume your mind for brief periods and you couldn’t get away. You kept telling yourself that time would lessen the blow, but it never did.

So you tried your best to forget.

On one particularly chilly morning, you head to your scheduled time at the stables. You’d be going out with Jesse this time around. He was a newcomer, a real sweetie. Tommy wanted you to teach him all you knew about patrolling and securing certain areas.

But when you arrive, you notice Tommy, Joel, and Jesse all standing around waiting. You hadn’t said much to Joel the last couple weeks, only a wave or a quiet mumbled hello. His back was turned to you, but you knew those shoulders and back all too well.

“Are we all going out this morning?” You question, adjusting your braid on your shoulder. Joel turns to you, not expecting your voice to come up behind him. His eyebrows furrow at your presence.

“Yes, ma’am,” Tommy smiles, “You and Joel are gonna be going up to the ski lodge. Heard there’s a hoard or two out there, they need to be cleared.”

“I thought you said I was going with Jesse?” Joel speaks up a bit too quickly. Tommy’s words caught you off guard, so you just stand there waiting for him to respond to Joel, but it never comes.

You swallow, clearing your throat.

“No, I was supposed to go out with Jesse, actually.”

Jesse looks at everyone confused.

He was a cute kid. 20 years young, fresh faced, ready to take on anything. He had all this energy, something you wish you still had. Now you had a bad back, fucked knees, and a terrible sleeping schedule. You were only about 10 years older than him and you’re falling apart.

“We can all just go together?” Jesse offers, adjusting his backpack on his shoulders. You knew that’d be shot down quick, especially when it came to a newbie. If there’s infected, we never throw the new guys into the pits of hell. They’d never want to patrol again.

Tommy shakes his head, “No, I want her and Joel to clear that area before I take you that route. They know it well. We are going to head towards the power plant. We have to bring back some supplies I have stored there.”

Joel’s eyes could laser Tommy in half at that moment. He was pissed and completely blindsided.

You surrendered to the idea, too tired to argue and fight about something so stupid. You also didn’t question their orders, simply because they knew better than you. You wanted to make sure Jackson was safe, just like everyone else.

You gesture Jesse to give the brothers some time alone, motioning towards the horses. You’d at least make sure the horses were ready for his trip out with Tommy. He grabs the reins of two horses, walking them outside towards the front gate. You grab the other two horses, doing the same thing.

He took notice to your tired eyes, “You okay going out today? You look tired.”

“Wow, Jesse,” You laugh, “I thought I looked great this morning when I woke up.”

He instantly starts to backpedal, not picking up your joke. You shake your head, trying to talk over all his apologies.

“I’m just messin’ Jesse. I am tired, but I’ll be okay, don’t you worry.”

He smiles, nudging your shoulder a bit.

“You just gave me a heart attack,” He chuckles, “You sure though? Even with Joel?”

You glance over at the Millers, watching them argue about whatever Joel was truly mad about. You knew in your head it was because he didn’t want to be around you. The feeling was becoming mutual. You never wanted to make anything awkward or difficult, but you guess that’s exactly what you did.

You just shrug. Jesse takes that as your response, grabbing the reins of your horse and handing them over to you.

“You stay safe out there,” He says, “Don’t let him get under your skin.”

You couldn’t help but snicker, “No need to worry about that, dude.”

–

Oh, but was he getting under your skin.

You initially just nod at every direction he makes at you, remembering that it was like this before anyway. But then he starts to undermine every suggestion you made.

“You don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”

“We will be back before sundown, you know that. Don’t be dumb about it.”

“Stoppin’ would be dumb as hell. You can wait.”

You had been begging for 30 minutes to stop and pee. He was not giving in to anything you’d say. After awhile, you could not hold it anymore. You pull your horse to the side of the trail, not even saying anything to him. You dismount the horse, holding the reins for a moment before you hang them on a branch nearby.

“What are you doin’?” He spits, noticing you off your horse. You come around the horse, giving him a deadly glare. You grab your pack, finding some cloths you bring on your patrols so you can wipe and throw away.

“I have to fuckin’ pee, Joel. I can’t wait any longer.”

“Get back on your horse,” He demands, his posture getting more stiff.

You shake your head, unbuttoning your jeans and turning back to a private area behind a tree. You remember the moments before kissing Joel for the first time. Him telling you how great your ass looked in your jeans. You grimace.

You tug down your pants and squat.

You relieve yourself, quickly using your cloth to wipe when you finish. You toss it behind you, standing up in your spot and turning around to head back to your horse.

You realize Joel is off his horse, bounding towards you. He grabs your arm, pulling you to face him.

“Why don’t you fuckin’ listen?” He says through gritted teeth.

It took everything in you not to fucking snap. You wanted to pull away and scream and yell and throw something at him. But instead your heart just started racing at the contact his hand made with your skin and you physically couldn’t do anything.

He realizes you’re caught off guard. He didn’t grab you hard, just enough shake you a bit to get your attention on him and only him. His facial expression changes as he drops your arm, stepping back a couple of paces. It’s like he realized he was being a bit too aggressive. Maybe it was your expression that brought him back down from whatever pedestal he thought he was on.

“Don’t touch me,” Is all you could think to say. He wasn’t even touching you anymore but you still felt him all over you.

He just nods.

You look down at yourself, realizing your pants are still unbuttoned. You look back up at Joel who’s staring at your panties peaking through your unzipped jeans. His eyes travel back up to yours. You decide to slowly button them back up.

You don’t hear what he says when he peels his eyes away and walks back to his horse. Probably some asshole comment that was better said under his breath.

You both get back on your horses and continue to the ski lodge in silence. Before you scale the one side of the mountain, you hear something.

You keep your eyes peeled for infected. You are almost positive that’s what you’re hearing so you whistle to catch Joel’s attention. You nod to your left, which is the direction you hear the familiar clicking. You grab your rifle from your side saddle, gesturing to Joel to do the same.

You always get this rush when you have to kill infected. It’s not a good rush at all, it’s pure adrenaline.

You dismount again, making sure your horse is tied to a nearby tree. Joel is close behind you as you creep forward towards the noise. The woods are dense with trees but there is also a ton of rock formations that were usually excellent cover.

The clicking gets louder and so does the sound of your heartbeat.

“There,” Joel whispers, gesturing towards a rock. You kneel, creeping up the formation and looking down. There you see not one, not two, but three clickers wondering around a dead deer. It was torn to shreds, blood everywhere. You weren’t bothered by blood at all, it was just the sick smell of decay that got you a bit queasy. You draw your gun up, aiming it towards the clicker closest to you.

“On three,” You murmur to Joel. You knew that you’d had to shoot two at the same time to give you enough time to kill the third with a quick reload.

Joel just nods, drawing his gun up.

“One,” Breath in, “Two,” Hold, “Three” Breath out.

The sounds of guns sent the clicking sounds to an all time high. Your ears are ringing, but you instinctively cock your gun, releasing one shell.

You aim, firing your weapon at the third and final clicker. You hear Joel yell something, but your ears are still ringing.

Then it hits you.

“Three more!”

Every time you’re in a fight or flight situation, you always fight. Old you would run.

You bring your weapon up, noticing Joel’s new position on the boulder. He’s aiming and firing at some infected down hill who are quickly running at you two.

You refocus in searching the area behind you. The last thing you needed was a sneak attack from a stalker. One enters your eye line and you fire. You keep count of how many bullets you have. Three down, four more left.

“Got two on your right!”

You hear Joel’s directions, drawing your weapon up and shooting another stalker between the eyes. The last one was a child, which was always the hardest. You knew that there was no choice, so you pull the trigger, which sent the child flying backwards. You wince a bit, seeing that this was probably just a family who got caught in the wrong situation. You killed all of them in less than a minute. Life wasted.

Silence fills the air, your ears still ringing from endless gunfire. You turn back to Joel who’s breathing heavily and holstering his gun.

You never had to question Joel’s abilities, which made him an excellent patrol partner. He knew exactly how to react in high risk situations.

He made you feel safe.

“Looks like we found one of the hoards Tommy was talking about,” He says, walking up to you, “Lets hope it’s just the one.”

“Glad it was you with me and not Jesse,” You say, relaxing your arm.

“That kid would be dead by now.”

When you’re less than a mile from your stop, you notice some storm clouds taking over the beautiful summer sky. The air starts to change. The wind begins to pick up, blowing your braid back and tickling your bare neck. The air smells like rainwater, sweet and pungent.

You use the silence to think about how simple life use to be. You reminisce about your childhood that was cut too short. You were a young adult when the infection started so you hadn’t been able to get married or settle down with a family. Everything was ripped away from you so prematurely and deep down, you crave that simplicity. Get married, have children, die of old age.

If only you could’ve lived in a world where you didn’t have to kill a child because some random ass fungus took over their humanity.

“We are almost there,” Joel says finally, pulling you out of your thoughts, “We may have to ride out the storm.”

You just nod even though he can’t see you.

The ski lodge was actually very beautiful. It was one of two that was used as a safe house for patrols, this one being your personal favorite. You had been there with Tommy once and he gave you the grand tour. It was reasonably clean for being so old, stocked full of canned items, and had very comfy beds.

You start to bring your horses to the covered back porch when it starts to rain. You grab all your gear, slinging it over your shoulder. Joel jingles a key out of his pocket, racing to the sliding glass doors. He unlocks the door, ripping it open as soon as the rain picks up. You both make it in the quiet lodge, setting your belongings on the kitchen counter.

“I’m going to get the lanterns up and running,” You mumble, heading towards the living room where all the lanterns were scattered about. Joel locks the sliding glass door, before he starts rummaging through his bag.

You turn on as many lanterns as you can, lighting up the room with warm glow.

You find your way onto one of the couches, kicking your boots off.

“Want me to start a fire? We may have to hang out the rest of the night if that storm don’t let up,” Joel questions, sliding his jacket off his shoulders.

You shrug, “Don’t matter.”

He starts to pile up some wood as you find an apple in your bag. You watch him slowly pace back and forth from the wood pile to the huge stone fireplace. You watch his back muscles flex when he picks up a piece of wood. You were using him as a distraction to get you away from those dark thoughts from earlier.

You bite into your apple.

“You bring anythin’ for me?”

Is he fucking with you?

“There’s canned peaches in the cabinets.”

He laughs, lighting the wood with a match. You watch the fire build and build as he messes with the wood. He was squatting, his shirt riding up a bit. Even his lower back was eye catching.

“You don’t wanna share?”

You roll your eyes, “I’m not sharin’ anything with you.”

He turns back to you with a smirk playing on his lips, “Not even a better look at those panties you’re wearing?”

You couldn’t believe your ears.

“Pardon?”

“You heard me, sweetheart.”

You did hear him, of course, but were in denial of the actual intentions behind the words. He creeps closer, finding a spot on the couch next to you. You take another bite of your apple, staring at him with curiosity.

Was he being serious?

You contemplate your options. Do you play into the game? Do you resist and possibly regret it later? He was such an asshole earlier. But then again, he always is. He was before you slept with him. So was that a valid excuse to not play into the game?

You remember the ache between your legs last night after reading a smutty romance novel. You imagined the characters as you and Joel, yet you never wanted to admit it. You knew that you wanted this, but resisting to give him a taste of his own medicine would be satisfying, too.

“Ya know,” He ponders, leaning over to meet your eyes, “I still have your other pair you left at my house.”

You remember the slight panic you felt the morning after when you couldn’t find them. You knew damn well he’d find them somewhere, but you didn’t think he’d keep them.

“Didn’t even know I left them,” You lie, your eyes averting away from him.

You were a horrible liar.

“You’re pretty cute when you lie, sweetheart,” He grabs your chin, tilting your face back to his, “You left them on purpose. Thought you’d use that as an excuse to come crawling back to me.”

He was being smug, you knew that. For some reason, you don’t cave immediately even though the conversation was making you tingle.

“Crawling back to you? Why would I do that?” You question, “When I have all these other guys who will gladly take up my offers.”

He smiles smugly, “Hm, that doesn’t seem very like you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t seem like the type of girl to whore yourself out to a bunch of assholes.”

His finger traces your lower lip, catching it and pulling down. You don’t pull away, soaking up the intense tension in the air.

“You don’t know me, Joel Miller.”

He just stares at your mouth, “I know enough.”

You want to lean in further, push your lips on his and finally surrender to him. But you hold on for a few more seconds. You’re practically quivering under his touch, wanting nothing more to just cut the shit and jump on top of him.

“You told me not to touch you earlier,” he mumbles, “But here you are just fumblin’ over yourself every time I touch ‘ya.”

“Will you just shut the fuck up and kiss me?”

His touch becomes rougher, his one arm pulling you into his lap, the other hand grabbing your face roughly.

“You start talkin’ like that you get nothin’,” his breathing fans your face, blowing your baby hairs away from your forehead, “Be a good girl like before.”

You squirm a bit, trying to lift your head in defiance. It doesn’t work, he has a good grip on you. His eyes are dark as he adjusts you so you are practically mounted on his lap. He releases your face bringing his hand down to your neck. He pulls you down to his lips, connecting them feverishly.

You couldn’t help yourself. You melt into him, your hands wrapping around his neck before sliding them down his chest. His hips are practically rutting into yours. You grind down, moaning out at the contact. You knew that being disobedient wouldn’t get you anywhere, so to get what you want, you knew you’d have to play into his dominance.

He smiles into the kiss, knowing you have been waiting for this moment.

You pull away, pulling your shirt off. He’s looking at you like you’re his next meal. You kind of are.

“Missed these tits,” He says his hands resting on your ribcage, right under your bare breasts, “Best ones I’ve ever seen.”

“Joel,” You groan, fumbling for the button on your pants, “Need you. Bad.”

He chuckles, “Yeah, I know baby.”

He fondles you for a second before latching his lips around your left nipple. His tongue swirls around it before he slightly bites it. You arch your back, wanting more from him but he just pulls away. You roll off his lap, tugging your pants down, including your underwear.

“Ah,” He’s not even paying attention to you butt naked all spread for him, instead he’s leaning down to your pile of clothes. He grabs your panties, holding them up, “Baby pink. You fuckin’ tease.”

“Joel,” You whine, nudging him with your foot, “Enough about my underwear.”

He runs his hands up your leg before standing up and discarding his own shirt and pants. He leaves his briefs on, his cock tenting the gray fabric.

“So eager,” he mocks, “What do you want from me, baby girl? Hm?”

You smile at the million of thoughts running through your head. But you settle for words that you know will drive him wild.

“Do whatever you want to me, Joel.”

He pulls you to the edge of the couch. He’s on his knees like he’s about to pray at the altar to whatever God may exist. Instead, he’s between your legs, speckling your thighs with scratchy kisses. His salt and pepper hair is messy, his sunkissed bare arms highlighted with some freckles. You never noticed them before.

“‘M gonna need your mouth,” He mumbles, raising his fingers to your mouth. You grab his wrist with your hands, lifting his fingers to your lips. You suck on every one, releasing each one with a pop. He watches you with his lips slightly agape, almost hypnotized by the action.

He uses his newly wet fingers to trace your slit before he uses his pointer and middle finger to spread your lips. He’s playing with you, making you writhe underneath his touch. You lift your hips a bit, which causes him to lay his free arm across your lower stomach.

“Patience, sweetheart,” He gives your pussy one lick, “I’ll take care of you, don’t worry.”

He’s good on his word.

He dives into you like a ravenous animal. His tongue hitting every desperate spot within you. You were taken to the same state of mind when he first ate you out. You had no words, just moans of pleasure.

He uses his fingers to toy with your opening, sticking two fingers in initially before he becomes too eager to see you fall apart. He wraps his lips around your swollen clit, suckling and moaning around it. You knew from before that he liked all eyes on him. You watch him as the vibrations mixed with him finger fucking you sends you into your first eye rolling orgasm.

You don’t think you’ve ever cum so fast in your life. It’s a release you’ve been yearning months for, making it even sweeter.

He pulls away, giving your pussy a little slap. It makes you yell out.

“Came without permission, but that’s okay,” He licks his fingers, “You have a couple more in you. You just gotta beg extra for ‘em.”

He was a menace.

You just nod, not able to communicate your actual feelings on him denying you the simple pleasure of cumming all over him. The idea of having to hold back made you a bit eager to see how far you could take it, though.

“Need your mouth now,” He tugs off his underwear, kicking them across the room. You don’t know how, but it almost looks bigger. Maybe it’s the swollen red tip that makes you overawe over it.

“Would you like me on my knees, sir?”

He leers at you, “What a good girl, being so polite… Yes, baby girl, get on your knees in front of me. I wanna see those eyes.”

You crawl off the couch, getting in between his legs. His cock is laying on his lower tummy, just waiting for you. You aren’t super into sucking dick, but this was Joel’s. You know that you had to give it your all. You wanted to give it your all.

You grab ahold of the base of his cock, keeping your eyes on him as you slowly open your lips to take him. Once your hot mouth touches the tip, he hisses in satisfaction.

“Mhm,” He groans, “Take all of it, baby.”

You’re not sure if you can, but you are going to do your very best.

You relax your throat as much as you can, slowly inching his cock down your throat. You’re halfway around it when it hits your gag reflex. You pull back, still keeping his cock wrapped around your lips. You sit up, jerking the base of his cock as you slurp up as much as you can.

“You got it baby,” He encourages, “Relax and take it slow.”

Whenever Joel praises you, you can’t help but let it get to your head.

You take a deep breath in as you take more of him in. Widening your jaw more, you finally get him completely engulfed in your mouth. He twitches inside, which sends a jolt of pleasure to your core. You let him take control, raising his hips a bit to fuck your mouth. He has a hold of your braid, which only adds to the experience. You’ve never had your hair pulled before, but you’re beginning to love the sensation. He’s a moaning mess, chanting your name like a prayer. Your saliva is all over his lower tummy by the time he pulls your mouth away from his cock.

“Gonna make me cum like that if you keep goin’,” He states, pulling you up to his lips. He kisses you, all tongue and teeth, “Let me fuck that pussy, yeah?”

You whimper, “Yes, please.”

“Such a good girl.”

He pulls you up into his lap while you slowly position yourself above him. You loved riding him before and with how sensitive and riled up you were now, you were prepared to ride his cock like it’s the last thing you’d ever do.

He focused his attention on rubbing his cock head between your pussy lips. You bite your lip as soon as he pushes slowly into your entrance. You groan, letting the sweet stretch take ahold of you.

“Atta’ girl,” Joel sighs, “Take all of me in that tight little pussy.”

You gasp as soon as he raises your hips a bit, repositioning how his cock sits inside you. His hand rests on your pelvic bone, pulling you forward. You realize he’s guiding you, helping you grind back and forth on his dick. Every roll of your hips pushes a moan out your throat, making Joel stare up at you with satisfaction. He removes his hands from your hips, bringing his right hand to your throat.

“Fuckin’ Christ, baby girl,” He lets out a wanton moan, while your stomach feels like it’s reaching a boiling point. He realizes how tense your getting so he reaches down with his spare hand, putting more pressure on your clit. “This is my pussy.”

“Mhm.”

“Say it. Say it’s mine.”

“It’s yours, Joel.”

“That’s fuckin’ right, baby girl. All mine.”

“Joel, please,” You cry, “I need to cum.”

“No,” He spits, “You don’t cum until I tell you.”

You clench, trying to resist the release. He notices you slowing down, so he stops choking you. Instead of letting you have a moment to recoup, he grabs your waist again, raising it slightly so he could raise his hips to pound into you. With his fingers still pressing on your bud, he chooses a bruising pace. You are practically screaming, the release imminent.

“Please, please,” You beg, “Joel, I need to.”

He doesn’t stop his assault on your pussy, “You keep beggin’, baby girl. I’ll tell you when.”

“Fuck, fuck,” You can’t stop yourself, the vibration from your incoming orgasm taking over your body, “Please Joel!”

“Cum,” He grits his teeth, “Cum all over this cock, baby girl.”

You have never had an orgasm take over every fiber of your being like it. You throw your head back, yelling Joel’s into the silence of the house. His pace slows down, as your cum soaks his lower half.

“Oh my god,” You groan, not knowing how to formulate a full sentence yet. You were still seeing stars in your vision, as you try to refocus on Joel.

“Holy shit,” He pulls out of you, “You okay?”

You just nod, your head falling forward. Your braid falls over your chest in between your breasts. Joel grabs the end of it, toying with it for a moment while you catch your breath.

“I’ll give you a minute,” He picks you up off him, laying you onto the cushion next to him. You grab his hand as he tries to pull away.

“I don’t need one,” You were still spent from the first two orgasms, it was written all over your face. Joel just chuckles, positioning himself over your body. He cages you in, tilting your face so you make eye contact.

“You ready for me already?”

“Need you.”

He uses his leg to part your thighs, settling between you again. He was still hard, his cock nudging your swollen wet opening.

“I want your eyes on me,” He commands.

“Yes, sir.”

He pushes into you again, your mouth parting in a gasp at how sensitive you were.

He smiles at your reaction while he settles into a steady pace. You try to focus on him, watching his facial expressions as he dives into you over and over again.

Joel had to be sculpted by whatever God created him. Every part of him was angular, his cheekbones quite high. His nose was just about perfect, especially from the side. His side profile was everything.

You truly didn’t think he looked his age. The only thing that kind of gave him away was the grays speckled through his dark hair. Other than that, the guy was a sex god.

You are too busy to admiring him, you don’t even realize how close he is. He’s gripping onto your hips, probably bruising them with how tightly he’s holding them. The way his dick twitches inside you, sends that familiar rush back into your body.

He’s not breaking eye contact. You smirk while he groans pushing harder into you.

“You better cum inside me,” You murmur, “Want you to fill me up.”

“God,” He cries, “So fucking flithy.”

And he loved that about you.

He releases into you with a loud sigh. You don’t teeter over that edge until he pulls out of you, looking to see his work.

He uses his two fingers, pushing them inside you, then back out. He rubs his cum onto your clit, slapping it a couple times. When you jolt in pleasure, he smiles knowingly.

“One more time?”

He positions himself between your legs again. He’s fingering you so lazily but it’s still enough to have you crying out in pleasure. You don’t even have time to respond to him, before you’re falling over the edge and cumming once more.

You lay there, trying to catch your breath again. Joel stands up on wobbly legs, making his way to the nearby bathroom. You didn’t know if this house would be stocked with rags or anything, so when Joel comes out with a folded blanket, you can’t help but giggle.

“This is all we got,” He gestures towards the blanket, “We can burn it when we finish with it.”

You take it from him, running it between your legs. The wooley fabric scratched a bit, but you didn’t have one care in the world.

Until you get a familiar sinking feeling. Like you did something very wrong.

You sit up while Joel takes the blanket, cleaning up himself. You try to stand, your legs feeling like jelly. You pick up your panties from the floor next to Joel’s clothes. You start to grab each of your clothing items, throwing them on as you go. You watch as he does the same.

“I guess this means you don’t hate me,” You mutter, not knowing what to say after what just occurred. You felt guilty and sick with anxiety.

If anyone else sat in on this day with Joel, they’d say the same thing. The way he talks to you, how annoyed he was to be stuck with you on patrol today, everything. It’d make anyone feel not wanted.

He shoots you a glance, “I never hated you.”

He says it with such conviction that you wince, not sure whether to believe him.

“You have ignored me for months. You fought with Tommy because you were stuck with me today. And then on the way here, you yelled at me for having to pee. Called me dum-”

“I didn’t call you dumb.”

You breath in sharply, “You’re just impossible, you know that?”

He shakes his head. You know he wants to say something smart back, but it never comes.

Instead he sits down beside you, keeping his eyes down at his feet. You wait for him to speak for what feels like a lifetime.

“Listen,” He huffs, “I don’t hate you. I am just not good at…”

“Being nice to people?”

He smirks, finally looking up at you, “Sure, but hey… I don’t regret anything that happened. I enjoy our… time together.”

You wanted to strangle him.

After months of contemplating what went wrong, he tells you he doesn’t regret anything.

After spending all that time acting like he did.

You wear your emotions all over your face and Joel realizes it quickly. He rests his hand on your knee, a gentle gesture that makes your heart rate increase by a thousand.

“You made me feel like shit for months,” You admit, trying to hold your composure, “I’ve felt like an idiot since the moment Ellie walked in that morning. You made me feel that way, Joel. You made me feel stupid. And here I am, all this time later, and I still feel fucking dumb. Maybe even dumber now, since I just let you fuck me again.”

His hand travels up to cup your cheek. You felt like crying, but you knew that it wouldn’t do you any good.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel that way, darlin’,” He confesses, “I am sorry for everythin’.”

You felt like you were being manipulated. You always had a terrible time figuring out what a genuine apology looked like. You were used to being exploited and having your heart ripped out and stomped on.

You turn away from his hand, looking out the back sliding glass door. The rain is coming down, pitter pattering on the tin roof over your head. You see lightning go across the sky, hearing the loud crack of thunder seconds later.

You pondered if you should just run in the other direction. Away from Joel, away from the emotions and memories that were being sludged up from the deepest pits of your brain.

“When I grabbed you earlier, you had this horrified look on your face…” Joel starts, bringing your attention back, “It was a face ‘d seen more than a few times. That look of disbelief and fear.”

You just let him continue, not looking him the eyes.

“I never wanna to make you feel that way,” He admits, “I never wanna scare you or hurt you. I knew in that moment, I was using that pent up anger at myself towards you.I just… I spent so much time tryin’ to find ways to keep you away from me because I don’t wanna disappoint you or hold you back.”

You finally look back up at him.

“I am sick of findin’ ways to keep you away. I like havin’ you around.”

You want to believe him so badly.

“I like having you around, too, Joel. I just…” You stammer, “I just need a bit, okay?”

He bows his head, “Yeah, ‘course. Why don’t you get some sleep? I’ll take watch and wait for the rain to let up.”

You take up his offer, stalking off to the nearby bedroom. You just wanted space, a moment of peace and quiet. Your body was still recovering from the greatest orgasms of your life, now your mind is littered with a million emotions you didn’t know how to muddle through. Once you lay down on the old bed, you realize that sleep would probably bring you back to life a bit. You close your eyes, letting your mind ease out of the chaos of reality.

–

When you wake up, you don’t hear anymore rain. You only hear the crackling of the fireplace. You don’t know how long you’ve been sleeping, which sends you into a slight panic. You waltz out into the living room, seeing Joel lounging on the couch you defiled and reading. It was a random novel, probably from the large bookcase in the hallway.

“We good to head back?” You question.

“Yeah, let’s get home ‘fore they send out a search party.”

You watch him stretch his shoulders as he stands, his jaw clenched in an unrelaxed way. His hair is messy and standing in different directions from the way he was laying. It makes you smile.

“Hey Joel,” You say, walking closer to him, “When we get back to Jackson, would you want to go out to dinner or something?”

His gaze softens. You were really trying, he could tell.

Your rested mind decided it was time to just jump head first.

If Joel was being honest with his intentions, maybe it was time for you to be honest with yourself, too.

“I’d like that, sweetheart.”

“It’s a date, then.”

taglist: @pedrotonin @mysingularitybts @harriedandharassed @paleidiot @misatoad @lottieellz101

#joel miller #joel miller smut #joel miller fic #joel miller x reader #the last of us #joel miller the last of us #joel miller one shot #pedro pascal #cool about it #joel miller tlou #joel miller x you #joel x reader #joel miller x reader smut #gracielovespedro

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purelyfiction · 3 months

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is it too soon to do this yet? - jake 'hangman' seresin x f!reader

Word Count: 1,977 words

Summary: this aint for the best, my reputation's never been worse so, you must like me for me. we can't make any promises now can we babe? // is it cool that i said all that? is it chill that you're in my head? cause i know that it's delicate. is it cool that i said all that? is it too soon to do this yet? 'cause i know that it's delicate.

Content Warning: fluff!! possibly insta-love for those put off by that.

Author Note: first: i wrote something?? on time??? second: for @ohtobeleah 's galentines writings :))) unedited/unbetaed we die like idiots

you had been here for a good time. your friend was getting married and her bachelorette was taking place in this quiet coastal town near a naval base. had that been part of the appeal? absolutely. who didn't want to watch a bunch of walking red flags as they did their daily trainings on the beach?

a little dive bar friday night with a shoddy jukebox, cheap beer and countless sailors - it had been the most fortunate surprise when you'd walked in with no other plans but to show off your sashed friend.

luckily for your group, sailors were suckers for a good bride to be and her girl crew. even luckier for you since you'd been playing DD for the last three days of the five day trip and you were finally able to take a damned sip of alcohol, which you rightfully deserved. glass in hand, you approach the jukebox to survey the music choices as the other girls were served shots (you wanted a drink not a hangover). you're about to pick out a song when you realize the machine hadn't been modernized and it still took cash. sadly, you spin back to the bar but not before dousing the man behind you in the makings of your whiskey sour.

"fuck, i am so sorry-" a hand grips your arm and he shakes his head.

"no, no, don't worry, i'm just upset on your behalf. what a waste of good whiskey." you look up, green eyes charming their way into easing your guilt. "I was gonna offer you a song, but ugh- maybe i ought to offer you a drink instead?"

he ends up buying both.

and as your friends sing along to the ancient song on the jukebox, you sit with this lone aviator and get to know him. long after your friends have retreated to the airbnb.

it was funny to think that was almost a six weeks ago. you'd flown to california for one week of fun and never went back, thanks to a rouge cowboy with eyes that matched the jumpsuit he donned to work each day.

you'd been crashing at an short-term rental since your friend's bachelorette, save for the weekend of the actual wedding, when jake had been your plus-one. everyone had relished in how the string of fate had connected you like this.

they'd also spoken of how insane you were. to uproot your entire life for the sake of what was supposed to be a one night fling. but it didn't bother you. not when the expansive reach of his hand had guided you through crowds that night. had danced with you and made a part fool of you both. i am a fantastic dancer, i have no idea where these guys are getting the idea i'm a trainwreck. his voice so easy and content on the drive back to the hotel that night.

now here you were, cooking for the two of you in his apartment as you waited on your boyfriend to get back from work. the label was maybe a week old at this point, but it fit him like a damn glove. so much so you'd started reaching out to potential leasers to sublet your apartment back home. maybe you were rushing into this. your job had been fine with you staying out in california longer - you were remote anyways, that had been the main perk of the job. but moving? for a man you'd known maybe a month?

the door slams shut and the entire apartment shakes. jake's place was small, tiny even, so you're greeted with his tense expression the minute you look up from your spot at the kitchen counter. "hey baby, how was-"

"fine." he grits the word out, dropping his duffel to the floor and disappearing down the hall. the bedroom door shuts with a click instead of a bang this time.

this wasn't boding well for you. you had a grand plan to make dinner, watch movies and have a nice and easy night in together, maybe talk for a bit. you'd wanted to discuss going to see an apartment this weekend. you didn't want to move in together, but you needed to look for a place of your own instead of crashing here so much. if this was going down that road. yet, the pilot seems to be in the worst mood to have that kind of discussion.

when he finally comes back to the kitchen, he slinks in behind you and presses a quick kiss to your head. "how was that call you were dreading." he's changed out of his uniform, a pair of sweatshorts on his waist, a dark t-shirt on his shoulders as he glides to the fridge. the tension is still carried in his frame even if he isn't outwardly acting as if there is something bothering him.

"ugh, it was - it was fine." now you're shutting off just like he was. it might be just you mirroring his actions, or maybe it was more. uncertainty? uneasiness? doubt?

the crack of teeth on an apple pulls you from your mind. you look to the fruit in his hand as he steps out to the living room on the opposite side of the kitchen wall. "i- dinner is almost ready, you know."

the tv stirs to life, echoing off the walls of the bachelor pad. the lack of decorations or real furnishings had been one of your reasons for wanting to pull the trigger on the move. to have some of your belongings back in your life, some familiarity.

"yeah, i'll eat." finally you're over it. you're not taking this from him, not when you had shit on your own mind that needed to be addressed. turning the burner off you step out of the kitchen, coming to the coffee table and snagging the remote. with it switched off, he looks at you with offense. "i said i'd eat what is the big deal?"

"what is going on with you?" your hands come across your chest as hangman snags the apple with his teeth as he dives into his pocket for his phone.

"nut-ing" the word comes out odd since his jaw is unable to move. you raise your eyebrows at him, which earns a similar reaction from the blonde. groaning he pulls the apple from his mouth. "rough day at work. got my ass handed to me by my superior, everyone talking shit because i flew better than anyone else- just in a piss poor mood. i'm sorry." you stare at him with concern now. it was just a bad day? then why was he suddenly as secure as a vault? locked away with high tech security and an obnoxiously long passcode.

"that's not all of it." you pry, slowly coming to sit down next to him. but when you do, he immediately stands up.

"yeah it is." he moves over to the kitchen again, tossing the apple core away. frustration eats at you again, tilting your head as your tone sharpens as he starts to step down the hallway.

"are you going to talk to me like your girlfriend or just like some bitch you're keeping around? cause right now it feels more like the second one." he freezes and his head drops back.

"look, i don't do the talking about emotions thing, i don't do the-"

"oh bullshit." you stand and march down the hallway, coming to stand behind him as his head sinks. "you put your heart on your sleeve when i saw you cry at dane and avery's wedding. and when you laughed to me about your childhood dog when you were drunk the night before at the rehearsal. or how you just seemed to stare at me with no concern in the world when we went out for ice cream last week - you do emotions. you do them and you feel them more heavily than most people i know." he slowly spins to look at you. "so start talking." the command is softer than the rest of your words.

finally, he relents. you sit on the couch with bated breath as he explained that he doesn't have the social life he had presented to you that first night. that his coworkers all think he's an asshole, that he's a dick and he isn't the kind of person to be friends with. "up until now, i didn't think i was the kind of person to be a boyfriend, let alone a friend."

it stung a little. jake as little as you had known him, had been one thing - confident. reassured in his personality and his work. he had this charisma around him that lured you in without him needing to really try. "i don't know how you believe that." you speak softly, pushing hair out of his face as it falls, gel from this morning weak from the impact of G-force pressures and california humidity. "you're a fun guy. you always make me laugh. i feel so.. safe around you. it's hard to imagine anyone else not appreciating that like i do."

jake's laid back on the couch now, looking up at you before looking at the ceiling. "yeah, well i guess the reality is that i'm easy to hate, hard to love. an acquired taste."

"that couldn't be further from the truth." it slips out so easily. green eyes perk up in curiosity.

"angel, i'm- to make it quick, i'm a menace. people know my callsign and they know my reputation. a selfish dick looking to get to the top and on top of women. hell, i don't know why you've stuck around as long as you have, so clearly somehow i've rubbed off on you."

your legs shift as you try to adjust on the couch to look at him better. "jake, i'm not going to be that girl. it would be a little weird if i was that girl, i mean, it's been what, a month?" he's slowly raising onto his elbows when you start in your ramblings, "but, you just- you take me by surprise in the best way, at every turn. yeah, sure they have some idea of you but it's not jake. it's not the guy who's impulsively buying karaoke machines to have idiotic nights in, or the guy who's sneaking pictures before anyone can notice because you're sentimental. or even the guy who hides the tears in his eyes at the end of how to train your dragon-"

he points at you with an amused expression, "you saw the way that dragon curls around him, he saved him." you can't hold back the laugh.

"my point is: hangman is so, so far from jake. cause i mean, i love jake, he's... he's my guy. and i don't get what's so hard to love about that." you give a small smile until it computes in your head what you've said. "i ugh..." jake keeps a coy grin on his features, leaning into his chin now that he's rolled onto his stomach, knowingly catching onto what you've said. "is it cool that i said that? i mean i- we can pretend that i didn't and forget this ever happened-"

he cuts you off with a soft press of lips to your own. the taste of apple juice still lingers on his chapped skin, before he pulls away. "it's cool." he offers, a hand coming to take your own.

"i promise i won't say it again." there's a mad blush on your face and jake just laughs.

"ah, don't you go promising nothing. let's just go finish dinner, yeah?"

and jake takes his rightful place next to you at the stove, towering over you as his head bounces along to the music you've put on, glancing at apartment listings that you pull up.

#jake seresin x reader #jake seresin #jake seresin fanfiction #jake seresin x you #hangman fanfic #hangman fanfiction #hangman x reader #jake hangman seresin x you #jake hangman seresin fanfic #jake hangman seresin fanfiction #jake hangman seresin x reader

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hiddenhearthwitch · 2 months

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📚 Small Intro To Polytheism📚

One of the most frequent asks I receive is how and where to get started when it comes to polytheism. This is a fairly broad subject and I’ll try to be as general as I can for advice but I will include specific references for Norse polytheists as that’s my shit. This information can be used to help you find a pantheon or to help you pick deities to work with it. If you’d like to use it to pick a patron deity that’s super, if you want to worship 20 gods and not have a patron deity that’s cool too. You do you dude. Please keep in mind this is all reflective of my research and personal practice. 🌻

Picking A Pantheon/Deity

This really boils down to personal preference. You’ll read a lot of posts and books that tell you many different ways and it’s entirely up to you because it is your practice. That being said, there’s a couple of different ways to go about it.

Research! This is one of my favorite ways to delve in. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with reading the stories of multiple pantheons and picking on that calls to you. You can also talk to other devotees and see what they have to say about deities and their religions. It is important to keep in mind that some religions are closed so please do proper research!

For example, I wasn’t originally a Norse pagan. I read some stories and thought the Hellenic pantheon would best suit me. I reached out to Eros for a while but after feeling no real connection to the pantheon I continued my research! After reading up on the Norse pantheon I decided to reach out to them out. Obviously, I fucking loved it because here I am. Point being, you can pick a pantheon based on research and not some divine message or whatever. You are also more than welcome to try out a religion, decide it doesn’t suit you, and move on.

Divination! You can use runes, a pendulum, tarot, etc.This can go a few different ways. You can write pantheon/deity names on separate pieces of paper, mix them up, and place them face down then ask the pendulum to pick. You can assign a deity/pantheon to each suit of cards or major arcana card or even do the same thing with runes.

For example, this is how I found a devotion to Frigg and Hel. I asked if there were any deities who were interested in working with me and pulled the runes Hagalaz and Berkana which read as Hel and Frigg to me. I followed up with tarot cards and pulled Death(Hel) plus the Queen of Pentacles(Frigg).

Asking/waiting for a sign. This isn’t something I’ve personally done so I don’t have much to say on the subject. You can go about meditating, praying, doing a ritual, or whatever and essentially wait for a sign after. It can come via a dream, something you experience, symbols you see in your daily life, it’s pretty much up to your intuition to decipher it. If anyone has information they’d like me to add in here please let me know!

If there’s a god you’re curious about and don’t want to do any of the above it’s totally cool to just reach out and ask if they want to work with you.

Idk How To Research

Same, tbh my keyword search game is weak. Anyways, good portion of us are looking up dead religions with little reliable resources. To give those curious about the Norse an easy head start here’s a compiled list of books by yours truly(click me!!) . It’s important to take everything with a grain a salt of salt when doing research. In my experience a lot of the retold Norse sagas have been Christianized or written under heavy Wiccan influences. It’s a good idea to do research on the author before reading one of their books.

Other blogs! There are tons of great witches and pagans on tumblr that have information waiting for you. 💗 You can search their blog/tags for good references for books, websites, podcasts, etc. Plus lots of blogs are open to answer asks. If you don’t know where to start for searching it’s best to try things based around your interest like: “norse polytheist”, “hellenic witch”, “gaelic polytheism”, etc.

Media! How lucky are we that we live in the age of technology? Knowledge is right at our fingertips! There are countless documentaries, podcasts, and audiobooks on youtube full of information for different cultures and religions. I’d personally recommend almost anything by BBC, Myths & Legends, and World Mythology!

Books! I love starting on goodreads to find good books and trust worthy authors. They’ve had almost every book I looked up with bunches of different reviews so you can get varying perspectives. Check out your local library as well! A lot of city libraries have online databases now of all of their books so you can “check it out” online and read the PDF(personal fave).

Feeling Lost Still?

That’s completely reasonable and your feelings are more than valid. It can be overwhelming and lot of information to soak up. Just do your best and take it at your own pace, there’s no rush to find a deity or pantheon. 💞 Below are a few other general concerns I hear a lot that I was hoping to address.

“I’m leaving a monotheistic(Christian, Catholic, Jewish, etc) religion and it’s giving me anxiety.” This is entirely common and almost expected in my opinion. I was raised Roman Catholic and my first year to two looking into polytheism riddled me with anxiety. I was constantly concerned that god would smite me down or I’d face an eternity in hell for worshiping false gods. While I can’t speak for everyone that fear was entirely erased for me when I found my gods. I’ve never felt so safe and strong and hopefully with time you can find the same in your gods!

It’s okay to want to learn more or to seek something more. I can’t tell you how to handle your anxiety but please know you’re not alone in that fear. There’s whole communities out there willing to support you and help you find your safe space(including me)!

“What’s UPG?” You’ll see a lot of posts, mine included, that mention UPG - UPG is Unverified Personal Gnosis. This is essentially someone’s personal thoughts and beliefs about a deity. For example, I associate Sif with hazelnuts. There’s nothing in the lore or any book that says that she likes hazelnuts; that’s just a personal opinion(aka a UPG).

“How do I reach out to the gods?” I have a lot of information on my blog about this topic although a lot of it is Norse specific. You can check out my beginner polytheist tag here and my beginner norse post/ask here.

Altar! This is my go to typically. Altars aren’t limited to the cookie cutter image that comes to mind(no hate though I have a few); one thing you can make a side blog dedicated to your pantheon/deity, make a small one in a tin can, or even make one in a video game like Minecraft or some shit. You can be as creative or as to the book as you want. It’s up to you.

Prayer! You can totally just sit down and be like, “Hey man wanna work on some shit together?”. While I’m not 100% that all gods would be down with you being that casual it’s still something you can try.😂 You can reach out to them by sitting down in a quiet space and meditating into prayer, praying in the car or in the shower, or just pray at the altar you set up if you did. Again, I can not reiterate this enough, it’s your practice, reach out to them as you please.

Do something personal! This is more like devotional work in my opinion. Let’s say you knit and you want to reach out to a creative or domestic deity, you can knit something as a devotional act to them and as a way to reach out. For example I pick up litter in honor of the Vanir and Jörð, or I play Skyrim for Thor and Týr.

Most importantly just be honest and up front with the god that you’re reaching out too. Considering that statement be honest with yourself as well. There’s no point going into a relationship with a god if you can’t be upfront, it’ll end up in nothing but grief.

“Can deities reach out through gods/signs?” They totally can. However, it is up to you and your intuition if a deity has and it’s not likely another witch will decipher that for you. Sounds, experiences, images, all have different meanings to each of us - they may show you something that’s very personal to you but would be mundane to someone else. Trust your instincts. However, please remember that not everything is magical, sometimes a raven is just a raven and not Odin.

✨Take everything you learn with a grain of salt. Including this post.✨

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#my posts #witchblr #beginner witch #witch community #pagan tips #norse paganism #norse pagan #beginner pagan #paganism #heathenry #witch tips

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seospicybin · 4 months

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TOO HOT TO HANDLE.

PART III

Changbin x reader. (s)

Too Hot To Handle masterlist

Synopsis: You and Changbin become contestants in a reality dating show, Too Hot To Handle. (13,4k words)

Author's note: As always, thank you for following this series. Please enjoy this one too x

Looking at you giggling while cuddling with Javi on the bed is the last thing he wants to see when Changbin wakes up in the morning.

Like, okay, Changbin gets it now, you wanted those kinds of physical affections and he didn't give you that.

He's barely starting the day yet he already sighs this much. It's a little inconvenient that he has to share the bed with Gia, he knows that it's by default but if only you gave him a bit more time he could have talked to you, and he would be giving you those physical affections you want.

Gia senses that inconvenience too but she doesn't have a choice. She ties her hair into a messy bun and looks at him, "You okay?"

Changbin looks back at him and purses his mouth, signifying that he's indeed still upset. Upset is an understatement, he's furious.

"Were there any rule breaks?" Liam asks while looking around the room.

Rita puts down her water tumbler after taking a sip, "I heard some noises from over here," she says, pointing to the two beds occupied by Gareth and Jax and the other one by you and Javi.

His heart skips a beat because what if you did a rule break with him? Would that mean he should give you up? His heart aches just from thinking about it.

And for the first time, Changbin stops worrying about the money.

CHANGBIN: Looking at them... [sighs] It feels like what she and I have had just meant nothing to her.

Working out usually helps to take his mind off things but it's hard when he's living in the villa with you and he can see you everywhere he looks, there's no way of avoiding it.

Changbin can only try to act cool about it even though he's suffering inside, watching you swimming with Javi from afar.

Liam chuckles seeing Changbin with his eyes like a hawk, "So what is exactly going on, Bin?"

He immediately looks away and reclines on his lounger, he considers not telling him but Liam seems trustworthy, he's the closest to him after all.

"Honestly, I came here just trying to follow the rules and not lose money and it somehow... it just backfired," his mouth gets sour from admitting his fault.

Liam rubs his oiled chest then looks at him to ask him the important question, "Are you going to try to get her back?"

The truth is Changbin has come to the last stage of grief and that is acceptance. He has accepted the truth that you left him for a physical fling instead of having a real connection with him.

Whether he has intentions to get you back or not, that's still unclear.

"I don't know," he answers with a nonchalant shrug.

He then leers at you again who's now sitting on the edge of the pool with Javi with his arm draped around you.

"I just don't know how I could sit here and be like... okay with what she did," Changbin continues with a bitter smile.

Liam lifts his hands and puts them over his head, "Well, we're men, we're full of pride," he remarks.

And that's also the problem, Changbin has a lot of pride in him.

CHANGBIN: She wants to be with Javi then... [shrugs] that's okay, it's her loss.

Javi gives you everything you want.

Attention, touches, compliments, he gives you all that and there's no denying that he's extremely attractive. On paper, he's your type, he ticks everything you like on a man.

You get that excitement to dress up for someone who will appreciate the effort you put into looking that good.

"Ooh..." Javi hisses the second he lays his eyes on you.

You offer his hand at him and he wastes no time to take it, giving you a twirl before pulling you close against him.

"You're phenomenal," he compliments with his mouth pressed close to your ear.

He puts his hands around you, pulling you close until there's no gap left between your bodies, "Looking so tasty," he says along with a kiss on your cheek.

How can you not like Javi?

The cabana is crowded with couples tonight. There are Liam and Riley and Rita and Nico, since Javi wants to go there, you go along with him.

"No, but you guys, you two, I didn't see it coming," Riley points at Rita and Nico.

You prop a hand against the sofa and look at Riley, "Excuse me but I'll take credit for that," you jokingly say.

Rita bursts into laughter, knowing exactly what you're saying and probably, reminded of the kiss you both shared too.

"That's true!" Rita agrees.

Nico shakes his head in disagreement, "I kissed Rita because I thought I was going to kiss you too," he jokes.

Rita glares at him, covering Nico's mouth with his hand to stop him from talking.

It's like Lana knows everyone is having too much fun, she chimes in to join the fun, being the buzzkill she is.

"Oh, shit!" Rita reacts in slight shock.

It's very unusual that Lana didn't gather everyone first to announce something and that convinces you that it's not going to be about the rulebreaks but that's also why you get a little nervous.

"Good evening, everybody!" Lana greets.

You sit up straighter on the sofa even though Lana is just a talking cone.

"Good evening, Lana!" Everyone somehow replies at the same time.

"Riley and Liam, you took your relationship to the next level when you were awarded a green light," Lana says.

You give them a round of applause for being the most committed couple in the retreat so you hope that Lana is delivering good news for them.

"Now, it is time to build a deeper connection. Tonight, you will get the chance to know each other better in the private suite," Lana informs.

The shriek Rita lets out is piercing your ear, you get that she's excited but that excitement should be coming from either Riley or Liam.

"I'm happy for you," you sincerely tell them.

You couldn't hope for better things for both of them but yeah, can't deny that you feel a little jealous inside.

"I must remind you that the rules still apply in the private suite," Lana gives a forewarning.

Liam sucks air through his teeth and shakes his head, "It's going to be tough," he says with widened eyes.

"You can do it!" Javi hypes him.

"If anyone can do it, it's you guys," you add even though you won't mind if they spend some money in there, they deserve it.

"Please make your way to the suite," Lana orders.

Everyone is giving words of encouragement as they get up from the sofa and walk away, heading to the private suite located in a different part of the villa.

"They can do it," Rita remarks with so much confidence.

Nico nods along to her words, "They're the mom and dad of this retreat," he says.

Javi puts his arm around you and looks at you, "I would love to go to the private suite with you," he suddenly says.

You slyly smile at him, "Yeah?"

"Mmh," he eagerly nods.

"Are you going to be good in there?"

Javi inhales air and takes a second to think of an answer, "No promises," he says with a lopsided grin.

With Riley and Liam spending the night in the private suite, Gia takes over their bed and that leaves Changbin to have the bed for himself.

You've been giving him space and time to reflect but a few days have passed with no signs of Changbin having intentions to get you back.

Despite of how much you missed Changbin and wanting to give him more time, you think it's better to stop hoping now so you won't get badly hurt.

You're deep in your thoughts when Javi puts his arm around you. Without looking, you slip your hand into his hair only to find out it's damp.

"You've just showered?"

"Yes," he answers with a soft kiss on your cheek.

"I think we should shower together sometime, that'd be cute," Javi says.

You only smile at him in response and let him cuddle you on the bed.

As much as you want to make Changbin jealous and Javi has been hinting that he doesn't mind doing it with you, you can't find it in yourself to rule break with Javi.

The physical attraction is there and if you weren't here, in this sexless retreat, you would have taken him home and done God knows what.

But here... even to kiss him takes a bit of commitment and not to mention, $6,000.

You can always wait for the green light but the possibility to get it with Javi is discouraging and you hate to admit it but that is because the connection you have with him is purely physical.

YOU: I've been waiting long enough for Changbin to come around but well... [shrugs]

"Good morning, Lana!" Rita exclaims the second the lights are turned on, knowing that Lana will shortly come online.

Changbin wakes up and forces himself to sit up, his bed couldn't feel more emptier than this as he wakes up to no one but himself.

"Anyone think they spent some money?" Oliver jokingly asks with a mischievous grin.

All eyes are going toward Riley and Liam's shared bed which is now occupied by sleepy Gia, knowing that they're in the private suite and things may have happened there, possibly a few thousand dollars too.

"Nah," Sabine answers with her head shaking vigorously, "I think they're good."

"Yeah, I trust them more than I trust anyone," Jax also adds her comment.

While everyone is casually chatting, the door to the bedroom is flying open and Riley enters the room.

"We didn't break any rules!" She announces with a proud smile.

They earned a round of applause from everyone and Changbin is happy for both of them. Though he wishes that he could be more sincere with his happiness towards them, he just can't.

Without him wanting to, Changbin's head turns at your bed, seeing you sitting next to Javi whose head is resting on your lap and the fact that he gets jealous only means that he still cares about you.

You may look like you're having a good time with Javi but he can see what you have with him is merely physical, there's no connection there because if there was something, you wouldn't hesitate to rule break with him but you didn't.

It's time to admit that his pride has been getting the best of him because he doesn't even know why it took him this long to realize that he's done wrong and he'll regret it if he doesn't, at least, try to get you back.

It's time for Changbin to take control of the game, again.

CHANGBIN: I understand now that she wanted to be heard and without realizing it, I muted her and made it all about myself.

Changbin gets a different kind of jitter when Lana calls everyone to the cabana.

He used to be scared of hearing how many rule breaks have been committed and how much money they have lost but today, he's scared for one thing and that is you did a rule break with Javi.

Changbin plans on apologizing to you but he needs one last reassurance that getting back with you is the right thing.

The melodic chime comes and Lana begins with her usual greeting, she sounds rather alright today but who knows?

"Riley and Liam were sent to the suite last night and I can tell you that..."

Riley said they didn't break rules but there could be some mishaps so we'll never know for sure no rules have been broken in the private suite.

"...they did not break any rules," Lana confirms.

Cheering erupts in the cabana and another round of applause is directed at Riley and Liam as they embrace each other for a triumphant hug.

Amid the celebration, Lana interrupt with her famous cursed word.

"However..."

And that means, someone has been very, very naughty.

Changbin's heart is racing because what if his fear manifested into reality?

"Oh, shit..." Sabine lowly mutters.

"There was a breach of rules," Lana announces.

It feels like someone has punctured his lungs and he's losing all of the air, making it hard for him to breathe.

"What the fuck you guys?" Riley says with a disappointed sigh while Liam slumps down his seat also looking as disappointed.

"This is not okay," Riley complains.

They have every right to be upset because they managed to not rule break in the private suite while someone casually acted selfishly and fucked around with the money.

Changbin feels uneasy and his eyes keep glancing your way, trying to get any clues whether you kissed Javi or not.

And he deeply wishes that you didn't, or else, his plan is a bust.

"Just fess up, we'll be more annoyed if you lie about it," Oliver says and that's coming from him means this is serious.

"Well, it's not us," Sabine is the first to come forward.

Everyone turns to the next couple, Rita and Nico.

"Nope, we didn't," Nico calmly denies and the last time they did, Nico admitted it right away.

Changbin holds his breath as they turn to you, silently praying that it's not you.

You crack a smile then turn your head at Javi, letting him. speaks for both of you. Javi rubs his chin, stalling on answering the question, and then he opens his mouth to—

"It was us," Gareth confesses, shifting everyone's attention to him.

"We kissed last night," he explains.

"Are you joking?" Nico asks in disbelief.

The tension is rising and everyone is about to eat Gareth and Jax alive. Meanwhile Changbin... feels greatly relieved and he can feel that the air is filling him again.

"This rule break has cost the group $6,000."

"That's so disrespectful," Riley sighs with angered facial expression.

"The prize fund now stands at $133,000."

Changbin may have lost some money but he gains something out of it: a newfound hope.

CHANGBIN: I want to apologize to her for my behavior and come clean with everything that I did wrong [sighs] I hope it's not too late.

The first thing that Javi notices is your black dress that hangs low in the back.

You spin around on your feet to show the whole look and break into laughter as you get a little dizzy. Javi quickly offers his hand to help you steady yourself.

"Gorgeous!" He beams with a bright smile on his face.

You lift your feet, showing him the shoes with the straps lacing up to your knees, "What about my shoes?"

"Love it!" He shortly answers.

"Thank you," you sweetly mutter with a smile.

Javi picks up a glass from the table and hands it to you, "Got you a drink," he says.

You take a seat on the chair opposite him, "What did you guys do at the workshop today?" You ask since they spent the whole afternoon at the beach for the workshop.

As you sit there listening to him talk while sipping your drink, you unknowingly find yourself drifting away from your head and it leads to you wondering what you really feel for Javi.

It's obvious that you like him, he's nice, he's good-looking, and he's been treating you well but can this thing go further than this? You're not sure and a part of the reason is that your head is still stuck on Changbin.

As if your thoughts are calling him, Changbin comes walking toward you.

"Hey," he softly greets.

Your heart leaps and you find yourself smiling at him.

Javi glances up at him and getting a little alarmed, "Hey," he answers with a slightly confounded tone.

"Can I talk to her for a minute?" Changbin asks him.

Javi looks at him and then at you, he seems to consider rejecting his request.

"Yeah, sure, okay," Javi takes his drink with him and leaves the two of you to talk in private.

Changbin takes Javi's seat, leaning forward with his hands clasped between his legs. He starts with a smile yet his gaze is intense, a little seductive too.

"I want to say something to you," he says.

He demands your attention for what he's about to say to you and of course, you want to hear it.

You nod and smile, "Okay."

Changbin takes a second for himself before starts talking, "I've been thinking about it, about us... and the workshop helped me reflect on what we had, you know?"

You nod again, "Yes."

"I know where I messed up... I put the needs of Lana and the retreat before the needs of us," he admits his mistake right away.

This is where you learn a new thing about him, that he is a man who knows his mistakes and owns up to them.

"I was rigid on us not to rule break and not lose the money. I was super strict on the fact that we need to follow the rules," he pauses to inhale air.

Changbin closes his eyes like what he's going to say next is painful to say, "I forced you to do all that, and I... I didn't ask you if that was okay with you."

Oftentimes, men would apologize without knowing what they did wrong, they just want to get it out of the way but Changbin is different, he knows where things went wrong and acknowledges his shortcomings.

"And I shouldn't have done that," he says, his words are heavy with regrets.

Other than that, you can feel how sincere Changbin is and that truly says something.

"That's right," you confirm all of his words.

Your eyes are looking deeply into his and holding the gaze, "I felt like you have it easy to go along with the process and I was like struggling so much," you tell him.

Other than growing as a couple, everyone is also having their processes in this retreat and you must admit that it wasn't easy for you to completely give up on physical things. It's possible, yes, but it takes time for you to do that.

"You probably think that not getting anything physical from you is the issue but it's because of you making those decisions for me," you explain.

You inaudibly exhale air and continue, "I did not like that."

Both ends are communicating well with each other with how Changbin has been intently listening to what you have to say in return.

"I want to apologize to you," he earnestly says.

"I know I should have valued your opinion and listened to what you had to say," he adds with a heartfelt gaze directed towards you and only you.

This is exactly what you wanted and needed to hear from him. Your heart is bursting open once more and overflowing with warm feelings.

"I appreciate it that you coming and talking to me tonight," you tell him with a smile.

He nods and smiles back at you, "I realized that I'm not perfect but I'm always trying to be better every day."

He tilts his head to the side then continues, "Especially for you."

You can't help but smile wider and wider until your cheeks hurt. Even after what happened, Changbin still knows how to make you flutter inside.

"One question though!" He suddenly says, turning serious all of a sudden.

"Mmh?"

"Who are you sleeping with tonight?" He asks with a sly smile on his face

You have to remind yourself to not fold right in front of him despite how much you want it, you take a breath and gain a little composure.

"I think I know who I want to sleep with tonight," you cryptically say but with a stare that pierces right into his heart.

This talk means so much more than just you and Changbin solving the issue together, but the way you two handle it in such a mature way makes you realize that you have grown too as a person.

YOU: I'm looking forward to sharing the bed with Changbin again but I have to do something else first.

Changbin feels like flying, his body might be lying on bed but his spirit is soaring high to cloud nine. He's waiting for you to come with a space prepared for you on the bed right next to him.

Tonight has been one hell of a roller coaster of emotions.

Changbin knows you still have feelings for him but feelings change so he can't rely on everything solely on that. Then the talk went well and he couldn't ask for a better outcome.

Apart from that, he feels incredibly relieved to have fixed things before it gets too late.

The door to the bedroom swung open and Changbin's head turned in that direction. A smile instantly blooms on his face the second he sees you enter the bedroom and it grows wider and wider as you get closer.

Then you walk past his bed and toward the bed you shared with Javi, causing Changbin's smile to automatically drop.

"Baby..." he meekly calls for you while patting the space on the bed.

Everyone else is silently watching how you keep going to Javi's bed, you grab your tube of lotion and water tumbler from the bedside table then waddle to his bed.

"Oh!" Sabine coos in reaction, shattering the tension in the room.

Changbin opens his arms for you, catching you as you jump right onto his lap. He wastes no time to wrap his arms around you, holding you so tightly.

"Yes, my favorite couple is back," Rita squeals from her bed.

"How about Javi?" Nico asks, kind of killing the celebratory vibe in the room.

You turn at him and answer, "I told him about the sleeping arrangements."

Everyone is worrying about Javi's reactions to this bed switch but Changbin won't let it ruin his happiness. He only wants to focus on you and how happy he is to have you back again.

Having to hold you again, your warmth, your scent, oh... this is heaven!

"Missed you so much," he whispers with a heavy kiss on your neck.

"Me too, baby," you say back with a soft laugh as he continues to ferociously kiss your neck.

Filling everyone's anticipation, Javi finally walks into the bedroom and he seems to be calm finding Gia instead of you lying on his bed.

Everyone's eyes are going back and forth between his bed and Javi's, sensing there's a tension in between.

"I feel bad," you lowly mutter at Changbin while looking at Javi.

He understands well if you feel that way but you have done your part by talking to him, what happens after that is out of your control.

"It's going to be alright," he says to you with a soft caress on your cheek.

It seems to have worked to comfort you as you softly smile at him and Changbin couldn't be happier that now you're back at his side

CHANGBIN: Sorry, Javi but she and I are here to stay [smiles]

The moment he opens his eyes and sees you still sleeping next to him, Changbin feels butterflies flying around his stomach.

He carefully removes the hair covering your face and puts it aside, he rubs your cheek with his thumb before placing a soft kiss on it and another one on your temple.

"Wake up," he lowly mutters with his nose nuzzling into your neck.

Instead of waking up, you snuggle close to him and Changbin puts his arm around you. You look so adorable sleeping with your hand folded under your head.

Not long after that, the lights in the room are turned on and everyone else drags themselves out of their cocoons, sitting on their beds bare-faced and barely awake.

"Morning..." Sabine hoarsely greets everyone.

"Morning, family!" Liam greets with a voice that is deeper than usual.

Changbin tries again, waking you up with gentle caresses on your back, "Baby, wake up," he softly calls.

After a while, your eyes flutter open and meet his. You rub your eyes while forcing yourself awake, sitting on the bed next to him.

Changbin puts his arm around you and rests his hand on your waist, "Still sleepy?"

You nod while you're yawning, then put your head on his shoulder.

"Want me to wake you up?" He asks.

Your eyes are glaring at him in confusion then Changbin slips his hand under the duvet and pinches the flesh on the back of your thigh.

"Ouw!" You squeal, jolting next to him.

You hit his chest but it couldn't do much with all those muscles on his chest.

"Well, you're awake now!" Changbin mutters with a sly smile, pulling you closer to him.

He caresses your head and tilts your head so he can kiss you on your cheek, "Morning!"

You grope around for his hand and once you find it, clasping them together.

"Morning," you mumble with eyes closed.

"Where's the kiss?" He playfully asks.

You hold his chin and kiss his cheek, rubbing the skin once you pull away.

It's funny that Changbin couldn't remember what happened, he couldn't even remember why he was mad at you. It seems like that part has been erased from his memory and all he can remember is how much he likes you and how he wants to keep waking up next to you.

Changbin can't help but start to think of taking this outside of the retreat, he wonders if—

Lana chimes in, shattering Changbin's sweet daydream.

"Good morning, everyone!"

"Morning, Lana darling!" Rita cheerily answers.

"I would like to inform you that many of you are showing signs of emotional development and this is the most encouraging."

Everyone is cheering because it feels like we finally achieved something and ultimately, it's the first good news we got from Lana.

Everything is going so well and Changbin just can't wait for what's coming for you and him. He takes your hand and looks at you, in your eyes he knows things are going to be alright.

CHANGBIN: I woke up to the prettiest girl in the world and I'm just... excited for us [grins]

Even Lana is in a good mood today so you have nothing to complain about.

You run out of dresses to wear but that's not going to stop you from putting on your best look. The girls are having a late start getting ready since the workshop took hours to finish.

You stand right in front of the mirror wearing a one-shoulder dress you borrowed from Rita and check your appearance one last time before stepping out of the villa and into the night.

The anticipation rises as you get to where everyone is gathering, you can't wait to see how Changbin is going to react to how you look tonight.

You see that Changbin is talking to Liam and has his back facing you, you take advantage of it by sneaking up behind him.

Slowly, you slip your hands under his arms and hug him, "What did I miss?"

Changbin automatically turns his head and without letting go of your hands, he turns around to face you. You can see how his eyes light up when he looks at you, sending a tingle down your spine.

"Me. That's what you missed," he answers.

You take his drink and have a sip of it before handing it back to him. You loop your hands around his neck and look at him, "And what else?"

He has his arm wrapped around your waist and the other is steadily holding his drink, "You missed... these muscles too," he says, flexing his biceps for you.

You chuckle in response and cling to him, putting all of your weight against him without worrying that he won't be able to hold you. You use the chance to trace his wide shoulders and lower them, feeling the bulging muscles on his arms.

It feels so wrong to touch his God-like body, it's like touching something so sacred but at the same time, you feel tempted to ruin it.

Changbin puts his drink away so he can wrap both of his arms around you. He presses a hot kiss on your jaw and then on your neck, delightfully sighing as he looks at you.

"The face, the hair, even your nails... I love all of them," he compliments you.

You already get giddy just from one compliment and shyly smile at him, staring back at him with hearts in your eyes.

He then makes a trail of kisses down your shoulder to your arm and sighs again.

"How are you so perfect, mmh?" He asks in a voice full of wonder.

He presses another kiss on the skin behind your ear, "So perfect," he sighs.

You notice his hands are resting on the arch of your back and you know how much he wants to go lower than that, you admire his self-control.

"Mmh..." his heavy sigh feels hot against your ear.

"You still make me hard, baby," he shamelessly admits, making it obvious the thing that has been poking at your thigh is indeed his pulsating member.

Goodness! How can you think straight when you know how much he wants you and probably as much as you want him? Even after being away from each other, the sexual chemistry is still there and it's getting stronger.

He tilts his head up and lets out another heavy sigh, "This is dangerous," he says.

You both know what you want but that want is not allowed at the moment. You take the role of being the good girl tonight and gently pull away from his hold but his arms remain locked around you.

"And where are you going?" He asks with a raised eyebrow.

"You said it's dangerous," you tell him with a subtle glare.

"I did," he confirms.

Then he tightens his hold around you until there is not even an inch left between your bodies.

"Just let me—"

Without finishing his sentence, his hands slide down the sides of your body and they're resting on the end of your spine.

He buries his head in your neck, inhaling your scent like it cures his addiction and then he kisses you there.

Lana may be a cone but she has eyes and you know she's seeing this, that's why you get startled when she chimes. Everyone takes it as a cue to gather in the cabana to hear what news she has for us now.

"Were there any rule breaks?" Oliver asks as he takes a seat on the sofa.

Well, you and Changbin have been very physical but there's nothing sexual there to be considered as rule breaks. You've been playing by the rules like a good girl.

"I hope it's another good news," Changbin mutters next to you.

Don't want to be the voice of pessimism but it seems like Lana only gave good news this morning just to ruin it tonight. But you could be wrong, and gosh, you hope you're wrong.

YOU: I get the feeling that... we're not getting more good news tonight.

Lana lights up and chimes, "Hello, everyone!"

She always talks in the same robotic voice, there's no cadence or emotions in them yet somehow you can always guess what she brings to the table tonight.

"The retreat will be ending in three days, after which, I will be allocating the prize fund to those most deserving," Lana informs.

Wow! It has been that long already? The time you spent in this retreat felt so long but now that you've been through so many things, it feels so short. You suddenly feel sentimental about it.

"However..."

Everyone groans in unison once that word is said and we know what comes after that, which proves your guess is right.

"I have observed that not all of you are sufficiently invested in the process."

Your heart drops, guessing that Lana is about to send someone home again. Even though you both have made up and together again it doesn't mean that you're safe from elimination.

"Two people in particular are showing no interest in changing their approach to sex and relationships. It's for that reason I will be sending those two people home tonight," Lana confirms your guess.

YOU: I am so stressed thinking that it's going to be me.

Changbin senses that you need the comfort, he takes your hand in his and holds it tight. His thumb is gently rubbing the back of your hand.

"Oh, God..." You hide yourself behind Changbin and rest your head on his back.

Who could it be? You ask yourself and everyone else probably asking the same thing too.

Honestly speaking, you could be one of those two but you don't want to go home yet, not when you're so close to finishing it.

The air shifts, suddenly it's turning cold and dense in here, but everyone knows that they can't escape it.

"The guests leaving the retreat are..."

Your heart is beating so fast that you can hear it in your ear and you're not sure if you can—

"Gareth and Jax," Lana announces.

You know it's not a good time but it feels good to let out a breath of relief, you immediately melt into Changbin's back, hugging him from the back and feeling so incredibly grateful that Lana is still giving you another chance.

"Since arriving at the retreat, you have ignored my rules. You have failed to grow and generally showed very little respect for the process," Lana lays out all the reasons why she eliminated them.

Jax seems to have expected this meanwhile Gareth, he looks rather a bit devastated by it. Sabine is the first to come to them and give them a farewell hug, everyone following suit after.

"Gareth and Jax, please leave the retreat!" Lana orders.

Jax smiles as she gets up from the sofa and looks at everyone, "I love you, guys," she says with an air kiss.

You didn't get to get to know Jax and Gareth that well and you know Lana has the right reasons for sending them home, but still... it's sad to see them go.

YOU: I'm just so thankful right now, I still want to learn, I want to keep growing, and I'm trying to progress.

The first thing you do as the two of you walk into the bedroom from the cabana is hug Changbin.

"That fucking scared me," you mutter with your hands around his neck, hugging him so tight.

Guess the elimination must have shaken you but Changbin is ready to give you the comfort you need, hugging you back, caressing your back with such love.

"It's alright," he assures you.

He lovingly pats your head then kisses the top of your head, "We're still here."

It's rough, what Lana did but that's what happened when you didn't play by the rules. Changbin kind of expected that since Jax and Gareth blatantly broke the rules multiple times and they were in the retreat half the time he has spent in here.

The gloom lingers until bedtime, everyone is either sad about the elimination or that the retreat is going to end in a couple of days.

Changbin is thankful that he managed to fix things with you and now, he just needs to keep building this connection with you.

He's holding you close to him as you lay with your back on his chest, comforting you with light touches of his fingertips up and down your arms.

"That was horrible," Rita mumbles from her bed while playing with Nico's hair on her lap.

"It's one of the worst nights," Liam agrees with a sigh.

"This should be a wake-up call to not take this retreat for granted," Oliver says.

He can feel you nodding at Oliver's words and he looks down to see you, tilting your head with his hand gently holding your chin.

"Are you okay, baby?"

You nod with a soft smile on your face and he feels good knowing that you're alright, that way, he can feel alright too.

The lights are out not long after that.

When Changbin thinks that you're already sleeping, you shift on the bed and bring your mouth close to his ear, "I'm so happy that we're together," you softly whisper.

It's so sudden yet so endearing. He doesn't know what to say to that because you caught him off guard.

Then your hand reaches for his face and in the dark, he can see your gleaming eyes staring deeply into his, "You're genuine, you're honest, you're so patient with me... I feel like I can trust you," you tell him while keeping your voice low.

Hearing those words from you makes his heart rattle in his chest and full of warm feelings.

"I want to get to know you better and keep growing with you," you continue with your hand resting on his chest as if you wanted those words to seep into his heart.

Something shifts in this relationship, Changbin believes that you have chosen to open up to him by telling him how you feel and he is tremendously grateful for that.

Yet he is still speechless and with you keep looking at him with glazing eyes, he knows he should say something by now.

"Where is that coming from?" He asks you in a mix of disbelief and awe.

You glide your hand down to his abdomen, "I just feel like I needed to tell you that," you simply answer.

He slips his hand in your hair and holds the side of your head, "Thank you for telling me that," he sincerely says.

"You're very welcome," you say back with a smile.

He badly wants to kiss you right now but he knows he can't break rules, ultimately, not when the retreat is about to end.

"Just so you know, I want to kiss you right now," he honestly tells you.

"I know."

He opts to hold your face, looking at you with fondness in his eyes, and with all of his heart, he kisses your forehead. He then draws you closer and holds you, not letting any space get in between your bodies.

It's rather frustrating that he can't show you how much he likes you physically. Well, that's a good thing that the retreat is about to end because he doesn't know how much longer he can resist you

"Just three more days, Seo Changbin," he says to himself with a sigh.

You giggle with your head buried in his chest, "Technically, it's two more days," you correct him.

He smiles at your words and responds, "Even better!"

CHANGBIN: There's a real, genuine connection there and I can see myself with this girl [smiles]

With what you said last night, Changbin feels reassured of his feelings towards you and he can feel it continuously growing as he wakes up the next morning.

It's another day in heaven with you, he starts with a kiss on your cheek and keeps cuddling you while you're still peacefully sleeping next to him.

"Baby," he softly calls.

"Wake up," he says with another gentle kiss on your shoulder.

He slips his hand under the duvet, tracing the curve of your body with his hand. He stops at the dip of your waist and calls you again.

"Wake up, my angel," he says again with a squeeze on the flesh of your waist.

"Mmh..." you hum with your eyes remain closed.

Even without looking at the time, Changbin can tell that the lights are going on soon. He tries one last time, putting his hand on your stomach and pinches the flesh.

You jolt on the bed and grip his arm, taking his hand away from your stomach.

"Not fair," you grumble while sleepily laughing.

Ignoring your complaint, he pulls you close and begins placing kisses on your face, avoiding the part close to your mouth.

"Good morning, everyone!" Lana comes for the morning greeting.

"Morning, Lana!" Everyone replies.

"I hope you make the most of the time you have left in the retreat," she reminds everyone to remain celibate for another couple of days.

There are only two days left in the retreat and Changbin wants to make the most of it.

There's one thing left to do now and that is to find out if you want to take this further even after the retreat ends.

Looking back at what he's been through, he admits that he had his ups and downs but he also must admit that he was hurt with what you did with Javi.

He likes you so much but he has this small part of him that won't let him put his whole trust in you. For now, maybe it's enough but for this relationship to last, he needs the assurance that he can trust his heart on you.

"Hop on!" He orders, offering his back for you.

You excitedly get on his back yet he's not moving from his spot, "Let's go!"

He looks over his shoulder at you and taps his cheek, a sign that he's asking for a kiss.

You place a long peck on his cheek and let go with a gasp. Changbin suddenly charged with so much energy and got up from the bed, "Okay, let's go!"

CHANGBIN: We've been making a genuine connection but I need more reassurance about the future of our relationship.

It's impossible to not get sentimental at the reminder that the retreat is going to end.

You're going to miss this place and surprisingly, Lana but on top of all that, you're going to miss everyone here, whether they're close to you or not, they're what makes this retreat bearable and full of special memories.

Talking about the people here, you feel like you still owe someone an apology. You have apologized but still... you want to make sure that things are good between you and him.

After finishing your make-up for the day, you're heading to the bathroom and Javi happens to be there.

It seems like the perfect opportunity to talk because if not now, then when? It's time to put the lesson you learned here into practice.

You smile finding him putting on some shaving cream all over his chin and jaws.

"Hi, sexy. How are you?" You ask.

Javi steps back to let you use the sink, "Good, good."

He watches you as you wash your hands under the running water, "How are you?" He asks back.

"I'm very well, thanks," you reply.

You hurriedly step back to let him use the sink, it seems like a bad time to talk because he'll most likely focus on his shaving. But you don't want to postpone it, you're just going to make it succinct.

You gulp air and just say it, "Hey, what happened..I–I truly apologize for that," you sincerely apologize.

Javi looks at you with half of his face covered in white cream, "That's okay. It's cool," he assures you.

You lean against the sink as you keep talking to him, "I hope, you know, despite that, we can still be friends," your voice quivers a little, serious talk like this gets you nervous.

Javi nods and picks up his shaver, "aren't we already friends?"

You're worrying too much about this not going to end well and never thought that it could be the opposite.

"Yeah?" You ask again, wanting the reassurance you need.

"Yeah," he confirms.

"We're good?"

"More than good," he says with a smile.

It's like a ton of weight has been lifted off your chest and you can breathe in ease now, knowing that there's no bad blood between you and him.

"Can we hug it out?" You hesitantly ask.

Javi looks down at the shaver in his hand and then puts it down. He then opens his arms for you, welcoming you for a hug.

"Careful not to get some," he reminds you, tilting his head up so none of the shaving cream gets onto your hair.

You put your arms around him and hug him as a token of friendship, "You're a good person, Javi," you mutter.

He rubs your arm, then pats your shoulder, "and you're the nicest girl I've ever known," he says.

Most men won't easily accept the fact that you chose someone else than them and still say nice things about you, but here is Javi, proving that he's not just most men.

"Aw... thank you, Javi," you sincerely thank him.

This also reminds you that there's a man who won't be delighted to see you hugging him, so you pull away and smile at him.

"You can shave in peace now," you tell him with a laugh.

Javi picks up his shaver and says to you before you leave, "See you around!"

YOU: I used to be bad at having serious, difficult talks but now, I started to stop avoiding it.

It's time for another fun session with Lana in the cabana.

You don't think there would be anyone who is stupid enough to break rules when the retreat is close to the end but you can never know with Lana.

"I think someone rulebreak last night," Changbin mutters to you.

You look at him with a questioning glare, "Yeah? Who?"

"It was me," he replies.

Your first thought is that he probably did something without you knowing. You open your mouth in slight shock then land a slap on his thigh, "You did not—"

"Ouch!" He yelps even though you're sure your slap wouldn't hurt that much considering how big he is.

"What did you do?" You ask with eyes widened.

He leans in close to whisper to you, "I kissed you in my dream."

You burst into laughter and slap his thigh again, "in your dream, huh?"

He's slyly grinning at you, satisfied that his prank is a success, "That's not the only thing that happened," he adds.

"Ah?" You give him the side eye.

He leans in again, "We kissed, we got naked, then I went down on you..." he whispers, lowering his voice and making it sultry.

You cover his mouth to stop him from talking, "Okay, I get it," you tell him, not letting him fill your head with his wild imagination.

He takes your hand away and continues whispering to you, "Then we—"

As Lana chimes in, you hurriedly shut him up with both your hands covering his mouth now, "Stop it!"

"Hello, everyone!"

"Yes, Lana," you reply, holding Changbin's hand in your lap as an emotional support.

"All romantic connections matter and must be nourished with time apart from the group," Lana says.

Oh, you don't like the sound of it but you give her a chance to make it right, opening your ears to hear the rest of the announcement.

"This is why I'm sending all partnered guests on a final date."

The group applauds in reaction while you wonder if you and Changbin are eligible to get a date. You look at the staff and mouth, "Including us?"

One of the staff holding a walkie-talkie nodding in confirmation and that's when you allowed yourself to celebrate it.

Lana further confirms it by informing your turn for the date is going to be this afternoon, instantly putting you in a panic having not much time to get ready for it.

"It is time for you all to look at your development and assess what you want from your future. Please use this time wisely," she concludes.

YOU: I am so excited about our date, we're going to have so much fun [squeals] okay, maybe, not too much [grins]

There's a fear lurking behind the excitement you have for your date.

Changbin has acknowledged your feelings but he won't easily forget the thing that happened with Javi and you're afraid that it's still haunting him and makes him doubt our future.

You keep taking deep breaths with each step you take to the beach, finding him already waiting for you with a scintillating smile on his face.

"My perfect girl, aren't you?" Changbin says with a gleeful smile.

"You're my beautiful man," you praise back, taking a moment to admire how beautiful he is under the afternoon sun.

The walk to the date spot is quite far yet Changbin firmly holding your hand and tirelessly complimenting you. The date is not started yet but he's already making you flustered.

They have prepared a small boat for where you're going to have a cute picnic, without warning, Changbin lifts you with his arms and gets you onto the boat.

"Thank you," you mutter, sitting on one of the cushions inside the boat.

The view is perfect, he is perfect and you can only hope that the date is just as perfect.

Changbin opens a bottle of wine without a hassle and pours it into two champagne flutes, making a toast to start the date.

"At one point in the retreat, I didn't know if I would have gone on this date," he says.

That feels like a jab at you, not that you don't deserve it but you didn't think he would dig at it this early on a date.

"Mm-mmh," you nod.

"Because of that thing with Javi... I was hurt," he says to you.

You try to be positive, at least, by him bringing it up early, you can quickly get it out of the way.

"I regret hurting you, I do," you confess.

You look into his eyes and let him see through all of the exteriors that you're being sincere with your words, "I never want to do that again," you earnestly promise him.

With Javi, it's clear that you were distracted by the physical and you were frustrated by the lack of affection from Changbin. It's time for you to explain yourself how you got yourself into that position.

"I love getting attention, I love physical affection and not having that... it was really difficult," you explain.

He shakes his head in disagreement, "It was hard," he says.

He takes a quick sip of his drink before continuing to talk, "It was hard not giving you that physical affection."

The last time you checked, he didn't seem to struggle with it, "Are you sure? Because it looked easy for you."

He puts his drink down, then licks his lips, "Trust me, it wasn't easy at all," he convinces you, taking your hand in his with a smile on his face.

YOU: We had our ups and downs but I definitely see a future with him [smiles] There's only one thing left to do now.

The best feeling in the world is knowing that his feelings are being reciprocated but having you convinced him that you won't hurt him again, he takes it as another way of telling him how you really feel.

"I'm really into you," you sweetly admit with a shy smile.

Changbin's doubt starts to scatter with every reassurance he gets from you

"I like what we have," you tell him, lightly shaking your clasped hands.

And there it is, his last shred of doubt just detached itself off of him. Changbin is now ready to hand his heart to you but it seems like you have something else to say to him.

With the subtle change of facial expression and how your shoulders tensed, he gets nervous about what you're going to say next.

"What I want to ask you right now..." you pause to inhale air.

Changbin gulps air too in anticipation of what's coming after that sentence.

"When we go back home, out of this retreat," you continue.

He's getting impatient now as you keep stopping in between sentences, "Yeah?"

"Do you want to be with me?" You finally ask.

Changbin always takes pride in being dominant, making grand gestures for someone he likes, and being the one in control. However, you're doing all that to him now, and surprisingly, he enjoys every bit of it.

"There's only been one person the entire time," he says with a piercing stare right into your heart.

"And she's here, right in front of me," he says.

The smile on your face blooms ever so softly like a sunrise that slowly fills the sky with daylight. Gosh, you're so beautiful that he can't believe you're asking him to be with you.

Lana chimes and he almost groans in complaint, except that he forgot about the watches and that it's turning green.

"Fucking finally!" He curses out loud.

This is the moment that he's been craving and he bets, you did too. He pulls you close and leans in, a hand holding your jaw, then slowly, crashing his lips against yours.

He has kissed you a few times already but it feels like the first time all over again, he allows himself to deepen the kiss and tastes you more to make up for all the times he couldn't do it.

Without him realizing it, his hand runs down to the hem of your dress and slips under. The next thing he knows, he's grabbing a handful of your ass cheek in his hand.

"I always wanted to do that," he says against your lips.

You smile and say, "Yeah, I can tell."

Changbin feels like fireworks are going off in his chest and it's crazy that his heart can contain all of this happiness inside of him without exploding.

CHANGBIN: This is it! It took us a long time to get this green light and we did it [smiles]

The night is exceptionally vibrant tonight.

Everyone is looking so happy returning from their dates, Rita and Nico are the last ones to come back, holding hands as they join everyone in the firepit.

"Oh, here they are!" Sabine exclaims, putting away her drink to welcome them.

Sabine and Oliver, despite their dramas, are leaving the retreat as a couple and so are Riley and Liam, who are the strongest couple in the retreat. You expect that the same thing happen to Rita and Nico, especially because you were the matchmaker.

"You know, Rita, I'd be so upset if you didn't date each other," You jokingly say to them.

Nico sits and is ready to answer everyone's questions, "We had a very nice date," he shortly says.

That's not enough information, you force yourself to get up from Changbin's warm embrace and look at them, "Any big news you want to share with us?"

"We had some cheese, some red wine..." Nico continues to dodge away from answering the real question.

With Rita staying quiet, you start to worry that things are not going well with them.

"Another big news?" You hopelessly ask.

Nico glances at Rita then looks at everyone, "I asked her to be my girlfriend," he finally answers your big question.

You scramble to come up at Rita and throw yourself at her, feeling so proud of her. Truthfully, all you did was give them the nudge and they did the rest.

"So happy for you, mami!" You gently pat her cheek.

You go back to your seat and by it you mean Changbin's lap with his arms ready to keep you warm against the cool night air.

You couldn't be happier to see everyone is happy and for everything that they achieved but in the process, you forgot that you should be happy for yourself as well, for coming this far in the retreat and growing as a person.

It's like she can't help that everyone is having fun, the cone lights up and chimes.

"Good evening."

"Evening, Lana..." you reply with sheer panic, afraid that she's going to ruin this good day too.

"Congratulations on a great day in the retreat," Lana says.

You let out a quick breath of relief knowing that Lana isn't bringing bad news with her, you can relax your shoulders and melt into Changbin's chest.

"You have all made significant progress. Your prize fund stands at $133,000."

"Ooh..." Liam hisses, "That's a lot."

"Yeah," Javi agrees with a nod.

"As you know, your time here has almost come to an end so please use the remaining time wisely," Lana finishes with a forewarning.

It only gets to you now that it's the last night in retreat and it feels so sad that soon, you'll not be able to spend this much time with Changbin.

YOU: It's the last night in the retreat so I want to have a little fun [smirks] Just a little [winks]

Everyone is heading back inside for bedtime but Changbin stays in the firepit with you.

He simply wants to enjoy the night with you and enjoy each other's company in a comfortable silence, soaking up the last moments you have in here.

It's not going to be like this and he's fully aware that the real test is out there, out of this retreat. With that fear slowly creeping up inside him, he reminds himself to enjoy every second of this moment and holds you close.

You turn your head at him, "It's getting late," you say.

"Want to go back inside?" He asks.

You nod then slowly, get up from the sofa. You hold his hand, leading him back inside the villa and going straight to the dressing room.

You're sitting with your chair pushed close to the vanity table, cleaning your make-up while Changbin is taking off his clothes next to his closet.

"Wait for me!" You tell him.

He turns around on his feet to look at you, "What?"

"Are you going to shower?"

"Yeah."

"Then wait for me," you tell him.

Changbin doesn't get what you're saying. Why should he wait for you to go to the bathroom?

You brush your hair quickly and put everything back into your make-up bag, "Let's shower together," you say.

"That's not a good idea," Changbin says and you should know that by now.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, we're just going to shower," you say, sauntering to your closet.

His fair warning doesn't stop you from taking off your clothes and he knows he should look away, yet somehow, he finds himself enjoying watching you get undressed.

"Get the shower ready, will you?" You say, standing across the room only in your underwear.

It's like someone else has taken control of his body, he finds himself removing his clothes and wrapping himself in a towel before heading to the bathroom.

He leaves the glass door of the shower stall ajar while he's alternating between hot and cold water to get the water temperature right.

"Is it ready?" You ask, coming into the bathroom wrapped in a white towel.

Changbin checks once again, putting his hand under the water and it warms his skin.

"Yeah, it's ready," he says.

"Okay, I'm coming in," you say, taking off your towel and hanging it on the handle of the shower door.

It's a miracle that Changbin didn't die on the spot when he sees your naked body, but his hands are flying to his eyes, covering them a little too late.

He hears you giggling and it's echoing in the shower stall, blending with the sound of the water running, then you take his hands away.

"Why won't you look at me?" You ask while laughing.

When he opens his eyes, you're standing so close to him and he can feel your body heat in this proximity.

"This is so dangerous," he says through his gritted teeth.

"It's not," you immediately deny.

"Don't be so dramatic!" You hiss at him, grabbing him by the elbow to get under the shower together.

Changbin wonders if he sets the water temperature too high or if it's getting hotter in here. Is the shower stall has been this small or you're standing too close to him?

Either way, you best believe that he doesn't want to get out of there.

CHANGBIN: [Exhales air] It's hard. Trust me, it's really hard [Laughs]

It's funny to see him getting all tense and Changbin rarely gets tensed.

You feel the need to lighten up the mood and stop ogling at his body because it seems like it's making him even more nervous.

But it's hard not to look at him when he's looking like a greek God, you get to see his naked body with water streaming down the outlines of his muscles.

It takes everything in you not to jump at him, climbing him like a tree.

"Want to use my shampoo?" You ask, shifting your attention to your toiletry bag.

"Yeah," he meekly says.

You hold in your laughter hearing his helpless voice and grab your bottle of shampoo, taking a big dollop of it into the palm of your hand.

Carefully, you lather it onto his hair until it's foaming, then gently massage his scalp with the pads of your fingers.

"You'll do my hair after, okay?" You tell him, making it fair for both of you.

It's hard to focus on the task at hand when his eyes are intensely staring into yours, hinting that he's thinking something else while you're shampooing his hair.

You daringly stare back into his eyes, "your hair is so soft," you compliment with a sweet smile.

He doesn't say anything but takes the bottle of shampoo from your toiletry bag, taking his turn to do the same to you. He starts at the crown of your hair and works his way down from there.

"Am I doing it right?" He asks.

"Yeah."

He massages your hair and does it so gently, aware of the strength he has with those big arms.

"Is it good?"

"Mmh, very good," you shortly answer, your voice dropping lower than you intended to.

"Oh!" He gasps in panic, accidentally dropping a blob of foam on your eyebrow.

You close your eyes to not let it get into your eyes and he tenderly washes it down with water, "You can open your eyes now," he says.

As soon as you open them, you find his eyes and they softly gazing at you but you can see the fiery glints in them. As much as you want him to fold, you must admit he has great self-control.

The shower continues with you lathering him with soap and you don't know how you find yourself pushing him against the wall, but you're using this as an opportunity to explore his glorious body.

You begin at the neck and glide your hands down his shoulders, feeling how broad they are, and how you can rely yourself on them being your place to seek comfort from.

From there, you drag your hands down his chest, feeling the ridges of his muscles under your fingertips, all the while you're holding your gaze with him.

You know you should have stopped at his abdomen, yet you dare yourself to go lower than that. Your hands are going to the sides, holding his waist as your eyes flick down to his semihard.

Gosh, he's even bigger than you pictured it in your head, and in a second, filthy thoughts are flooding your head.

Oh, how you want to touch it, hold it, feel it in your hand and one thing you know for sure is your mouth is certainly bigger than your eyes, you can take his—

"Hey, hey, my eyes are up here," Changbin tells you, tilting your head up to meet his eyes again.

You burst out laughing, getting caught looking at his cock but there's nothing wrong with it, it's not like you haven't caught him doing the same thing.

Changbin turns you around as he takes his turn, lathering the liquid soap on and around your body. You feel his chest against your back as his hands slip under your arms, his hand starts at your neck and across your chest, then brings it down the valley of your breasts.

With his head hanging above your shoulder, you can feel every breath takes, how it's getting heavier and hotter the longer he roams your body.

"You're so soft," he murmurs close to your ear.

You shyly smile at him, putting your hands on his and exploring your body together with him.

"Oh, you're so beautiful," he murmurs with an overwhelming sigh as if he couldn't believe what he's seeing and touching.

Changbin seems to can't help it this time, he presses a kiss on your wet cheek and pulls you close, staying like that for a moment until he lets out a soft laugh.

"I can't stop touching you," he whispers.

You turn around to face him and wash each other under the shower, hands all over each other with the warmth of the water enveloping you both in an unspeakable comfort.

Changbin holds your face with both hands, doing it so tenderly like he's holding a fragile object.

"Oh, I'm in too deep," he says with a giddy smile.

"Apparently, not deep enough," you jokingly say.

He then slowly leans in and places a sweet kiss on your forehead. It's not the kiss you wanted but it's not less intimate than that, it's enough to make your stomach flip.

YOU: It's just me and him, it's very intimate... I think it's just so romantic [brightly smiles]

This is one of the moments where Changbin thinks that he can see a future with you.

He joins you in front of the sink as you're brushing your teeth, only in your towel and your hair is still wet. He places a kiss on your shoulder after getting his toiletry bag from the drawer.

"That took a lot of uhm... self-restraint," he says, letting you know how hard it was for him.

You stop brushing your teeth and hold his elbow, "You did okay," you playfully say.

You offer your fisted hand for a fistbump, "Good job!"

"Good job!" He says back, bumping his fist against yours.

You finish brushing your teeth while he's about to start but you linger there, hugging him from the side and playing with the hair in the back of his head.

"I love your curls," you tell him.

He leans down on the sink to wash his mouth and wipes it with a towel. He pulls your arms and puts them around him, he then looks straight ahead.

Through the reflection in the mirror, he can see the way you look at him with fondness in your eyes as you say, "My man is so beautiful."

That makes him feel so admired and loved, he gets it now why you demanded attention and affection from him because he likes it whenever you give him all of that.

Moreover, he likes seeing himself with you, it feels as if you belong there with him.

You keep sticking to his back as he walks to the dressing room, he likes when you're clingy to him but you both need to put some clothes on.

He takes your hand and kisses it, "Come on, it's getting late," he says.

You groan as you pull away and pout at him, "at least, let me see that again," you say.

"What?" He asks in confusion.

You grab the front of his towel and open it, your eyes flick to his member. He decides to let you have a look at it as long as you want.

"My goodness!" You gasp, clicking your tongue in awe.

The way your eyes widen and your mouth hangs open, he can't hold himself from laughing.

He then grabs the towel back from you, "Okay, that's enough."

He grabs your shoulders and turns you around, "Go get dressed!" He orders with a slap on your ass.

You yelp in pain and obey him, "Okay, okay," you tell him while walking to your closet across the room

But that's only because he wants to watch you get dressed.

CHANGBIN: One of the best nights in the retreat [smirks]

Changbin is used to wake up even before the lights on but this morning, it's the other way around, the bright lights wake him up. He had the best sleep of his life last night and it's mostly because of you.

You're lying on your side with your back facing him and he checks if you're still sleeping, "Are you awake, baby?"

There's no answer so he tries to wake you up by placing touches all over you, kisses on your neck and cheeks.

"Baby," he softly calls, nuzzling his nose in your neck.

"Mmh..." you hum, letting him know that you're awake.

Not long after that, you turn around on the bed to face him and look at him with your half-shut eyes.

"Hi, beautiful, angel baby," he says with his thumb caressing your cheek.

There's a crease forming between your eyebrows then you clear your throat before talking, "Where's the kiss?"

He smiles, then leans in close to kiss your nose, "Morning!"

You return the smile and the kiss, putting your lips on his cheek for a long kiss, "Morning," you croak.

Lana lights up in the middle of the room followed by her melodic chime, "Good morning, everyone!"

You both drag yourself out of the duvet and sit on the bed with your backs against the headboard, seeing everyone else is also waking up from their slumber.

"Welcome to your final day in the retreat," Lana says.

Everyone is reacting with a mix of sad coos and cheering, happy and sad at the same time.

"Later on today, I will announce who has won the $133,000 prize fund."

Changbin almost forgot about the money and it's funny that he used to be worried about it, now, it doesn't even matter if he has the chance to win it or not.

"Oh, someone is going to win that money today," Oliver says.

Lana leaves to let everyone get on their days and use the last hours they have in the retreat. You get on his lap and put your hands around him.

Changbin allows himself to put a long kiss on your shoulder and inhales your heavenly scent.

"Who do you think is going to win, babe?" You ask.

He honestly has no idea so he shakes his head, "I don't really care about the money..." he says.

You nod then glare at him, "But we need to win that money."

He brushes your hair aside, "Why?"

"We need the money to book us flights so we can see each other often and have a lot of sex," you explain.

He cracks a laugh at your well-thought plan, you're so cute to him that he can't help but squeeze you like you're his favorite plushie.

CHANGBIN: Lana will choose the right person to win the money but you know, Lana... I won't refuse a check from you [laughs]

The dressing room is where pieces of information are being transferred and you've been in your Changbin bubble for too long you start to miss chatting with the girls.

"Sabine, baby, the orange looks good on you," you compliment her two-piece bikini.

"Thank you, my darling," she says with a wide grin.

"Who do you think is going to win, girls?" Riley asks.

"Well, obviously, we all want to win," Rita says even though she's busy applying mascara.

You laugh at her too honest answer but she's also right because who in the right mind would refuse $133,000? You have enough money but you won't say no to that.

Rita laughs at her answer, "if it's not me then I think it's Liam," she says.

Riley smiles in approval because, of course, she'll rooting for her man. You think both of them deserve it because they grow as a couple.

"But here's the real question," Sabine says.

Everyone's head turned to the end of the vanity table to look at Sabine.

"What are you going to do with $133,000?" Sabine asks with her eyebrow raised higher than the other.

"New vibrators!" Riley answers without a beat, sending the girls screaming in laughter.

A little after lunch, Lana calls everyone to the cabana, and this time, you're less nervous than you usually get whenever she gathers everyone for an announcement.

"Hello, everyone!"

"Hi, Lana!" Everyone replies in excitement.

"I have been collecting data since you arrived and have now conducted my final analysis," Lana informs.

So many people have shown so much growth during this process and at this point, anyone is eligible to win the money. You're not going to bother to guess, you believe Lana knows which one shows true growth.

"You have all shown great progress but four people in particular stand out for the transformational journeys they have been on."

Four people? You look around and see everyone is getting nervous, probably wondering who those four people are.

"And one of them will take home the prize."

You don't want to get ahead of yourself but you would love for Lana to acknowledge your growth too. You hold Changbin's hand and rest it on your lap.

"The first finalist is..."

There's a slim chance that it's you but you won't mind if it's Changbin, not only that deserve it but his win is going to be your win too.

"Oliver and Sabine."

It's neither of your name but you're happy that the name of one of your closest friends is being called. You happily applaud them as they get up from the sofa.

You reach for Sabine's hand and excitedly shake it, "Congrats, darling!"

Lana continues with her announcement and everyone gets tensed once again.

"The second finalist is..."

Changbin presses a kiss on your shoulder as he tightly holds your hand, reminding you that what you get from this retreat is more valuable than the prize money.

"Liam and Riley."

You also give them a round of applause, they earned it for being the most consistent and strongest couple in the retreat.

But you know what? You're also proud of yourself and at Changbin as well, you went through difficult times and managed to get back together in the end.

YOU: Yes, I know I deserve the money but I'm not jealous, not envious... I'm genuinely happy for them.

Changbin can't hide the sheer disappointment that Lana didn't call his name or yours.

Then he looks at you and your smile, reminding him that the money is not the main thing of this retreat, it's what he gained during the process.

Changbin learned that he should value your thoughts and opinions, he learned that he doesn't always have to be in control of everything and that it's okay to let himself be vulnerable around you.

He came here not expecting to find someone like you and here he is, coming home with the most beautiful girl that he likes so much.

Changbin doesn't care what anyone says, he's winning.

The voting for the winner takes the whole afternoon and everyone goes straight to get ready for the last hurrah.

The dressing room is vivacious tonight, everyone is wearing white to fit the theme. Changbin puts on his white fitted shirt and dark slacks, styling his hair in the bathroom because it's hard to focus when everyone is pacing around the room.

You come to find him there, sitting on the edge of the bathtub to let him finish styling his hair first.

"Babe, how do you fit all those muscles in that shirt?" You ask with a puzzled look on your face.

He chuckles, almost spraying his hand with hairspray instead of his hair. It takes him a moment to focus back on his hair.

When he's done with his hair, he takes your hands and takes a good look at your appearance, dressed in a knitted white dress that hugged your body perfectly.

"You look good in white," he says.

"Mmh," you hum in agreement and hug him.

Changbin kisses your neck and then your shoulder, "you'll look good on our wedding day," he playfully says.

You giggle and look at him, "Put a ring on it first, sir!"

The staff ordered everyone to start heading to the beach to where they'll shoot the last part of the filming. Changbin keeps you steady as you walk in the sand in your heels.

"Ooh... champagne, yes!" Rita exclaims, spotting bottles of champagne sitting on the long wooden benches.

Changbin opens one of them, popping it open so that it fizzles out and drips down the bottle. He fills the glasses and you distribute them to the people sitting on the same bench with you.

"Let's have a toast for Lana!" Nico initiates it.

Everyone raises their glasses in the air and chants in unison, "To Lana!"

CHANGBIN: I'm going home with the most beautiful, the most attractive, the sexiest girl in the retreat, I couldn't ask for more.

YOU: He's just trying to get lucky tonight.

CHANGBIN: Yes. Yes, I am [nods]

YOU: [Laughs]

By the time you finish your first glass of wine, the finalists finally enter the party and everyone is welcoming them with cheering and applause.

Lana chimes and it's for the last time, ever.

"It is time to announce the winner of the $133,000 prize."

The two couples are standing, awaiting their fate and whether they will come home with the money or not.

"Your fellow retreat guests have voted and I have the results," Lana announces.

You're aware of how deserving everyone here but you voted for Sabine and Oliver. Maybe it's a bit biased because she's closest to you out of everyone here besides Changbin but it's also because you knew their journey as a couple.

"The person leaving with $133,000 is..."

You look at Sabine and have your fingers crossed for her, feeling proud of her whether they win the money or not.

"Oliver and Sabine," Lana finally announces.

YOU: Sabine and I were the first to enter the villa and look at her now, she won! I couldn't be happier for her [squeals]

Changbin watches as you break into a run to hug Sabine for her win while Changbin has to patiently wait to get his turn to congratulate the couple.

"Congrats, man!" Changbin says as he exchanges a quick hug with Oliver.

"Thanks, Bin!" Oliver says with a grin plastered on his face.

He hugs Sabine next, earnestly congratulating her on the win.

The staff hands them a new bottle of champagne to pop open together, Sabine and Oliver are bouncing on their feet as they're spraying everyone with the wine.

Lana chimes in for one last time for one last announcement, "Your time at the retreat is over and the rules no longer apply."

This is the moment he's been waiting for, Changbin has to part the group to look for you and finds you standing next to Sabine.

"Come here!" He says with his hands gesturing you to come closer.

You're smiling as you walk up to him and go straight into his arms, "This better be good," you mutter to him.

Changbin may have waited long for this but he has to calm himself down, he wants to make the most of this kiss knowing how much he deserves it.

He places his hands on each one of your jaws and takes a moment to look at your face, a face that he can't get tired of looking at and admire.

"Are you going to kiss me or not?" You impatiently say.

There's only one right way to answer you and that is by kissing you, kissing you like it's the first time all over again. He can feel the sparks flying and the chemistry is electrifying, making him feel so alive.

When he lets go, he keeps his head close to yours, trying to imprint this special moment in his head as one that he'll remember forever.

Most importantly, Changbin is now ready to give you everything you want.

YOU: From day one, I always knew that we have a connection, but this retreat helps us gain that emotional connection and deepen it.

CHANGBIN: And it's only going to get deeper now.

YOU: [Looks at Changbin]

CHANGBIN: Like... literally.

YOU: [Bursts out laughing]

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dilemmaontwolegs · 1 year

Note

hey queen, for “see no evil hear no evil” pt3, would you consider doing pregnancy x speech where our girl discovers from someone that she can learn how to talk, and she secretly practices it and one day she finds out she is pregnant and she tells aemond that she’s pregnant by talking to him (she also tells him “i love you” 👀) bc that would be so cool!!!

Sorry this took a few days but my writing time had seriously been cut back and I miss it 😭

See No Evil, Hear No Evil {3}

Aemond Targaryen x deaf!fem!reader Author's Note: I may have got a little side tracked but I think I have covered this all as requested with a few extras thrown in. Warnings: 18+ only, NSFW, period sex, blood, allusion to infertility struggles, canon-death, vomit. WC: 4210

Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four

Half of your body was too hot and the other half was too cold when you woke at dawn. The golden hues of the sun breaking the horizon lightened the room as you looked around and found the fire had died overnight. Aemond’s arm tightened around your waist and he nuzzled your shoulder as he curled his long body around yours, providing more heat than you needed.

Easing out of his embrace for the fifth week in a row, you went into the adjacent room and pulled the string that connected to the maids’ quarters. You had just finished washing your face to chase away the lingering feeling of exhaustion from the early rising when two handmaids appeared and grabbed the dress you had selected for the day.

Appropriately attired, you made your way through the quiet castle to Princess Helaena’s chambers and found the whimsical woman already opening the door for you with a warm smile. “Ready for today’s lesson?”

Nervousness crept in once again as you nodded and stepped into her room while the children still slept, apparently dawn was the only time it was quiet, or so she said. You thought you had long put the feeling of self-consciousness behind you but these lessons with Helaena had regressed you to the youthful mindset of bygone times and it was a constant battle to continue to show up, until you reminded yourself why you were doing this.

Helaena waved her hand to the cushioned chair opposite her and you flattened your skirts as you took a seat, grabbing your book and a graphite pencil that Aemond made sure you had plenty of. After writing your message you turned the book around and Helaena read the writing.

I am to see the maesters this morning so I must leave before long.

“You are not ill,” she stated or asked, though you weren’t quite sure which.

Your hand flew across the page as your chest tightened at the mere thought of what you were writing. It had been the cause for your increased anxiety and only grew as the days passed by and your body experienced no changes.

Six cycles and I am yet with child.

Helaena gently pushed the book back onto your lap and took your hands in her smaller, delicate ones. “You are not ill, and you will be with child soon. You will be holding a babe by Maelor’s third Name Day. I have dreamed it.”

You struggled to concentrate on the lesson as Helaena’s words echoed in your mind and hope fluttered in your chest. You loved Aemond more than anything, you loved him so much that you felt you could not contain it - you wished to take all that love and create life from it. You wanted to see Aemond as a father, knowing there is no one more loyal to his family and that the child would be loved deeply.

Yet each cycle you would wake with cramps in your abdomen and an ache in your heart. Aemond could see the tears in your eyes on those mornings and, try as he might to comfort and assure you that good things take time, you could see the same sadness in his eye.

You had hoped to have a moment with Alicent but with King Viserys’ ailing health she was oftentimes busy ensuring the kingdom ran smoothly and you did not want to be a burden. The queen had enough pressure on her shoulders as it was, though she could have had some more help in the kingdoms’ matters if her eldest son would do his duty.

You looked at the princess, ethereal in her beauty and kind in her disposition, she hardly saw her husband and you wished she had known a dutiful husband. She deserved to be doted upon as Aemond did you.

“Your mind has taken you places, dear sister,” Helaena said with a smile. “It is almost time to break our fast, would you accompany me to the dining room?”

You nodded and tucked your book back in your pocket with the notes from the lesson before following her to where the twins were being ushered by their maids. Both Jaehaera and Jaehaerys waved excitedly and broke away from the maid trying to detangle their hair to wrap their arms around your legs.

You knelt to the floor and hugged them back until they pulled back suddenly.

“Uncle Aemond,” Jaehaera said with a toothy grin and a moment later the door opened to reveal your husband.

Though it had not been long since you had seen him, your arms were reaching for him and wrapped around his waist as he placed a kiss on your forehead. “I thought I would find you here, my love. Are you hungry?”

You nodded and took Jaehaera’s hand as she reached for you and Aemond, swinging herself between you two as you imagined you would be doing with a child of your own one day. You looked across to Aemond as she swung again and his smile grew although the light never quite reached his eye.

Jaehaera tugged at her Uncle’s arm until he dropped to one knee to address her and his eyes darted to your, then your stomach, then back to your face. Her back was to you so you did not see what it was she said but whatever it was gave him pause. You flipped your hands over so your palms faced up, asking him ‘What?’ but he just shook his head with a smile and took Jaehaera’s hand once more.

You woke the following morning with waves of pain and rushed from the bed to the bathing chamber where the strips of clean linen were stored. You had grown to hate the natural process of your body with each passing month and when word came that Rhaenyra was pregnant yet again, you questioned yourself.

You had seen it time and time again throughout the Red Keep and in the city beyond. You couldn’t understand why some found themself with a child after bedding a stranger for one night but you could not with over one hundred nights bedding Aemond. You were not one to delude yourself with what was fair and not fair in the life you had been dealt, but seeing the blood stain on your nightdress certainly challenged that.

You dropped the nightdress into the basin and wrapped a robe around yourself as the weight of defeat pressed on your shoulders and tears leaked down your cheeks. Light poured into the room as the door was open and Aemond filled the space, the soiled sheets bundled in one hand.

You looked away, feeling guilty that a prince was reduced to maids activities, when he knelt before you so you had no choice but to face him as he spoke, “I have trained with the guards for much of my life, dear wife, a little blood is of no concern to me.”

Fresh tears rolled down your face as his tenderness served to catapult you far from your sadness but his worry only increased.

“Why are you crying, my love?”

You shook your head, hoping to shake the abundance of thoughts filling you. There was no explanation that would make a man understand how turbulent emotions were in those first days of your womanly cycle, so you settled on kissing him instead.

He dropped the sheet to the floor so he could cradle your face in his hands and deepen the kiss. You pulled away breathless as his hands untied the sash of the robe and pushed the material off your shoulders. You gasped and tried to cover yourself but there was no hiding the streak of red between your thighs, your body burning with embarrassment.

“Don’t hide from me,” Aemond said as he bent his knees to look at your bowed face. “There is not one part of you that is not beautiful to me, nor is there anything that would change my love for you.”

You bit back the fear that filled you as you asked him something that had been dwelling in the depth of your mind for months and your hands shook as you signed, What if I cannot give you a child?

His lips pressed together sternly and your stomach plummeted within your body before he gave your shoulders a small shake and said, “There is nothing that would change my love for you.”

The air in your lungs released along with the immense pressure that you had not realised had been building in you and you sagged into Aemond’s embrace with relief. His strong arms encased you as your tears dampened his skin and he pulled back.

“I did not know this weighed so heavily upon you, my love.” He closed his eye and pressed his forehead to yours for a moment. “I should have been more attentive as your husband.”

The thought of your loving husband being even more attentive than he already was didn’t seem possible and your lips parted with a laugh as you shook your head at the impossibility of it all. He froze and wonder fell across his features at what he heard before he crushed his lips against yours and hooked your leg around his thigh.

“Please,” he said and you knew what he was asking as you felt his erection against your thigh. Your heart skipped a beat at the thought of the act, one that was usually saved for those wishing to not fall pregnant. If you said no, Aemond would respect your choice but you found yourself not wanting to say no - though it was possibly the lady-like thing to do. You always wanted your husband and the blood was no concern to him, so why deny both of you the pleasure?

You nodded and wrapped your arms around his neck as he guided you backwards to the bench that held the basin. The wood was cold beneath you as you sat at the edge and Aemond spread your legs with his hips as he stepped between them and pressed his manhood to your entrance.

Your fingers danced over his back as he filled you and from the smile on his handsome face you knew he was enjoying the sounds you were making as the cramps eased and a different tightness grew. You had not known the remedy his body could give but you were grateful as he chased away the pain and replaced it with pleasure.

His breath was hot on your neck as he kissed over your pulse and you buried your hands in his hair, holding him close as you felt your heart beating hard in your chest and the same pulse throbbed at your core.

The long thrusts were teasingly slow and you needed more, dropping your hands to his firm buttocks and pulling him closer. His response was instant as he planted his hands on the wall behind your head rutted hard and quick, leaving you gasping as he hit the deepest parts of your core until you came undone around him.

Aemond bit his lip at the feel of your release tightening your walls and he dropped his head to your shoulder, wrapping you in his arms as he filled you with his seed through the shudders. Pulling away, he kissed you sweetly before reaching for a washcloth and he laughed as you gasped at the mess, your jaw dropping wide.

“It is blood, not poison,” Aemond teased as he dunked the cloth in the basin and wrung it out before cleaning your thighs. Once you were clean, he wrapped the robe around you to chase off the morning chill before cleaning himself shamelessly, easing the sense of taboo that had crept back in. “I’ll call for breakfast in our room this morning, unless you feel well enough for the dining room.”

Though the cramping ache had gone for the moment, there was still a dull tenderness with each move you made and you did not wish to trek down the halls and stairs to the dining room so you shook your head. You left the bathing room with a handful of linen strips as Aemond grabbed his own robe and found a fresh sheet cast across the bed, though it was not tucked in finely as the maids did.

Another wave of emotion swamped you and your chest jumped with a hiccup that drew Aemond’s attention. He was in front of you in a heartbeat, seeing fresh tears in your eyes and he ran his hands down your arms. “Did I hurt you?”

You shook your head and placed one hand over his heart as the other signed, I love you.

“I love you too,” he said with a smile as he wiped your damp cheeks. “I never realised how many different tears there were. I prefer your happy tears over all else.”

Another laugh bubbled from your chest and you pulled away, leaving him smiling to himself as you went to the dressing room. There was nothing pretty about the undergarments that were reserved for your cycle, their only purpose was to hold the linen strips in place and you quickly hid them under a fresh bed dress, deciding you were not going to venture out into the public eye at all.

Aemond was already laying in the bed when you returned, the blanket barely covering his modesty as he watched you cross the room to him. The hunger in his eye had you stumble and you knew that look intimately, it held the promise that he would give you no reason to want to leave the bed, perhaps ever again.

Smiles came easier and there was no longer an ache in your chest when you watched Aemond play with his nephews and niece. In the last six weeks he had reassured you a plenty that child or not, he would love you until the end of time.

Sex also came a plenty as the stress of bearing a child was eased from your mind and you took your time enjoying and learning Aemond’s body intimately. There were certainly perks to having sex purely for the fun of it, especially when you wrapped your lips around his cock and brough him to release with your mouth. That was a favourite of yours, being able to look up the length of his body and see how he reacted to your touch, to your tongue.

“Look at me like that and we will not make it to the Vaemond’s challenge,” Aemond said as he sent Maelor toddling back to his mother so he could have a moment with you in the tower window.

You grinned and lifted your shoulders, silently asking if it would be such a bad thing. His hand wrapped around yours and lifted it to his lips to place a delicate kiss to your palm.

“And miss the grand family reunion,” he said with a slow growing smile as he saw his sister’s carriage arrive unmet in the courtyard far below. “Come, my love, we should get ready.”

Your stomach turned as you looped your arm in your husband’s and let him lead the way down the staircase, towards the one who had scarred his face. You knew the story of that night, and how young the boys were when the incident happened, but Aemond’s resentment still burned like the red hot embers that remained long after the flames stopped flickering.

The nervous nausea grew the closer to the throne room that you stepped and when you crossed the threshold you were sure you were going to vomit. Aegon and Helaena were already waiting with Alicent, a clear division in the room as they stood to the left and waited for you to join them.

Alicent greeted you with a kiss to your cheek and she cupped Aemond’s scarred cheek gently as if to remind herself of the pain the other half of King Viserys’ family had wrought on hers. All words that could have been exchanged between mother and son died as Rhaenyra and her family entered the great room.

Your eyes immediately fell to the swell of her belly that her hand rested upon but you did not feel the usual pang of hurt and it was a relief.

The relief was short lived as three heads of dark hair trailed in her wake and you felt Aemond tense beside you as his eye fell on them too. You laced your fingers with his and felt him squeeze your hand gently in thanks but he dared not look away from the ones he saw as a threat to his family.

The group barely gave you a passing glance but their stares lingered on Aemond, or more so the scar and leather patch that hid the worst of his injury.

Your free hand inched up your throat and flicked out while Aemond coughed a laugh at the vulgar gesture you aimed at the young man who had drawn blood from your husband. The laugh was echoed by Aegon, as he was usually on the receiving end of the gesture, and Alicent shook her head but said nothing as the corners of her eyes wrinkled like she was suppressing a smile too.

Your eyes trailed over the two halves dividing the room but as you were not in the centre there was not a lot you could read of what they were saying. You could only judge how the challenge was going by the reactions of the faces you were seeing. It was almost a physical ripple of surprise that spread along the room and you watch row after row turn to face the doors.

The King had risen from his healing slumbers to decide the fate of Driftmark.

Risen may have been the wrong term, for the King was hardly upright as he struggled to cross the floor with his cane to aid him. Pity filled you for the ailing man who had been kind and welcoming to you and you wished someone would ease his struggle to the throne.

Your respect for Prince Daemon grew as he stepped up when Viserys’ crown tumbled from his head and the second son placed it back upon his brother’s head. It said a lot about a man who could be so close to the throne and never have it to still hold love for his older brother. You had no doubt that if tradition had not been broken to have Rhaenyra as Viserys’ heir and not his first born son, Aegon, that Aemond would have publically supported his brother too.

With Otto sitting on the throne as Hand you could read his lips, but with Viserys there was no hope, not with half of his face hidden by the golden mask he wore. You didn’t like the confusion that came with being on the outside of the conversation and it left you more than a little stunned when Daemon suddenly drew his sword and beheaded Vaemond with one foul swoop.

You could scarcely believe your eyes as his body collapsed one way but his head the other and Aemond grabbed your waist, spinning you away from the sight that stayed burned in your mind. It took you a moment to process what you had seen, the odd organ that had been bared from the strike, and you realised it was Vaemond’s tongue that had remained with his body.

Your stomach lurched and there was no stopping the bile that rose in your throat as you tore away from Aemond and made it passed the line of witnesses before collapsing to your knees and vomiting across the stone floor. Cool hands brushed across your forehead and you knew who they belonged to in an instant. He did not hesitate to use the corner of his clean cloak to wipe away the bile that clung to your lips and draw you away from the mess you had made.

There was no condemnation on his concerned face when he turned you to look him in the eye and you were glad to find that the wave of nausea had passed with what you had emptied from your stomach. With a trembling hand, you closed it to a fist and rubbed your chest but he caught your wrist before you even completed one circle, shaking his head as he pulled it away.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, my love,” he said, placing your hand on his chest instead. “You are too pure to have witnessed such violence.”

You frowned at the statement, remembering the many violent deaths you had seen during tourneys over the years and not once had you been squeamish at the sight of a man dying on the sand and straw ground in the summer heat. However jaded it may seem, you had come to expect violence when royals and knights collide.

You looked at Helaena beyond Aemond’s profile and she was clutching her hands together, looking far too joyful for the startled response she had had only moments earlier. Her smile only grew as she stared back at you and her hands arced over her flat stomach before pointing at you.

Your lips parted with a gasp and you looked down, expecting to see a bump in your dress but it looked as it usually did. You counted back in your head and your hands began to shake harder as you realised while you had not been paying such attention to your cycle, you were about two weeks late for yours.

“Aemond,” you said as you stumbled back in surprise, but not as much as he did.

“What did you say?” he asked in shock, and you feared you had not enunciated it as well as when you had practised with his sister. “Say it again, please.”

“Aemond,” you said carefully, breaking it down into the syllables as instructed. It was possibly too quiet for him as he stepped closer so you said a little more forcefully, “I’m pregnant.”

His eye widened in surprise and behind him you saw Alicent, as well as most of the guests, spin away from the throne to look at you. Many smiled at the news while others frowned but you paid them no mind as you saw a tear slip over Aemond’s thick lashes and cascade down his unmarred cheek.

“You’re pregnant?” he asked as if he couldn’t quite believe it had finally happened. “A child, our child?”

You nodded and he closed the distance, crushing his lips to yours despite the bitter taste that still filled your mouth. He did not care. The only thing he cared about was you and his child that was growing in your belly. His arms wrapped around you and you melted into his embrace as if the world around you and the body on the floor behind him did not exist, it was only you and Aemond sharing this moment.

You pulled back so you could see his face when you spoke, “I love you, Aemond.”

His chest shuddered and he swallowed deeply as he savoured hearing those words on your tongue. “Say it again,” he begged.

“Aemond,” you said with a teasing smile and he kissed you before nipping your lip lightly.

“Not that.”

Unable to tease him anymore, you gave into the adoring look on his face. “I love you.”

“I love you,” he said as you wiped his tears away and he placed his hand on your stomach. “And our child too.”

Aemond turned away at something someone must have said but when he returned his smile was tenser than before. “The King wishes to have a family banquet tonight, to celebrate the news.”

You stepped around Aemond so that you could see the King watching his youngest son and you touched your chin with your fingers to show your gratitude before bowing your head. Helaena had not stopped staring at you with a knowing grin and you returned it as Aemond curled his arm around your waist and you nuzzled into his side to look up at him.

“I was quite jealous, truth be told, when you snuck from our bed to visit my sister each morning,” Aemond said with a smirk. “But this is how you and my sister spent all those hours locked away together?”

You slapped his chest lightly at what he was inferring and rolled your eyes before parting your lips to speak, “It was for you.”

Aemond stood a little straighter, his shoulders back and his chest puffed. “I have never been prouder to call you my wife, mother of my child. You continue to surprise me, my love.”

Your lessons had not been so extensive and without seeing how some words were broken down to each sound they were harder to speak. Instead, your fingers danced and he watched them speak for you, I have to keep you on your toes.

With many pairs of eyes still intently watching you and your husband, he gave you a wink before returning his own signs that caused a heat to wash over your skin.

Or you could keep me on my back.

Click here for part four.

Taglist: @sheetalkalkhandey , @hydrationqueensworld

#aemond targaryen x y/n #aemond targaryen x you #aemond targaryen smut #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond x y/n #aemond x you #aemond x reader #aemond imagine #aemond fanfiction #house of the dragon fanfic #hotd fanfic #deaf!reader

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neteyamslovrr · 1 year

Text

RETURN - PT3

summary: five years ago he left you. left you alone with nothing but memories of your love. so how dare he come back now?

contents: 2.8k words, depression, angst, slight conflict, not very well proof read but that brings authenticity lmao

authors note: thankyou all for being so patient with my upload <33 ALSO LOOK AT WHAT MY BAE @cinetrix made omg (its the header pic) THATS GROWN UP NETEYAM THATS OUR BABY hes so handsome and bae is so talented and kind

previous / next

It had been over a month since they Sully’s had returned to the clan. While they slid back into their forest way of life, like a lost puzzle piece that was finally found you felt like you were back to being a bunch on scrambled up pieces with no way to connect yourself back together again.

Seeing him was a constant reminder of the despair that took over your life for years. The rotted you from the inside out leaving you as a shell of a woman as he took your soul with him when he left.

Those closest to you noticed your decline. Especially Mo’at. Someone you had to start seeing regularly due to your mothers pestering.

“Child…it is not hard to see the way your spirit has left you.” She spoke softly yet with so much truth it felt as is she had stabbed you with a dagger.

You were sat on the floor of her large medical tent that was set up in High camp. It was cold, the cool breeze making the fine hairs in your body stand up as you consciously avoided any gaze that Mo’at threw at you.

“He took it with him.” It felt like a deep dark secret that you had ripped out of your throat as it sliced its way up. Admitting that Neteyam had broken you so much that he had managed to start cracking you away with his return made you feel weak. Made you feel defeated.

“Maybe…he is here to give it back.” Mo’at sighed softly, a kind hand pushing your hair out of your face as she crouched in front of you. “Dear child your heart cries out. You must listen when your body talks to you.”

“I am afraid, so afraid.” Mo’at nodded letting you fall into her arms, a much needed hug that you craved for.

“Fear is never unreasonable child, but do not let cowardice infect your heart like it infected his.”

Neteyam had desperately tried to even get you to look at him after the last time you both conversed. It ended in him running away. As soon as he walked off he wished he could have socked Va’tep. Knocked him hard enough that his grubby paws would never caress your precious skin ever again.

He would try and talk to you only to be shut down by a harsh glare or excuse to leave. However whenever he even entered the same room as you he would immediately watch you excuse yourself and leave.

And Eywa did it crush him. To see how opposed he was to your presence. To see how his face repulsed you so much. He knew it was naïve to think he could return to you running into his arms so he could spin you around and hold you close. It was stupid for him to think you would ever wait for him. Not when he abandoned you.

A habit he had as a child was always to go to his grandmother for wisdom. Something he had sorely lacked the past half decade. He knew you were close with her. He knew she was the wisest woman this tribe had. But he was also terrified of a reality check that would hit him so harshly he wouldn’t know how to react. That’s why he was so resistant on approaching Mo’at.

But when he looked over to the top levels of High Camp where you and Va’tep had sat yourselves as you weaved expertly. He saw the way Va’tep’s smile was not as wide as it could be, he noticed that your eyes never met his even as you talked. He stared closely, squinting his eyes to focus on how Va’tep’s hands would crawl up your thigh and your body would stiffen and squirm instead on relaxing into the touch. As if his hands were grating your perfect skin.

When he saw how miserable you were when you looked away from Va’tep to wipe your eyes subtly. His heart sunk. He could not go on without you, he couldn’t continue without being able to get you back.

Neteyam hesitantly opened the curtains of his grandmother’s tent as he sucked in a nervous breath.

Her ears perked up immediately to the sound. “Neteyam…I expected you sooner child.” Her eyes were always sharp, enough to slice the strongest man in half.

Neteyam let out a soft chuckle. “I assume you know why I am here.” He sat beside her, shuffling awkwardly on the mat so he could watch his grandmother mush together fine pastes that turned into her medicines .

“Is she troubling your mind?” Even the mention of your cut his soul, like a sweet melody that sudden struck the wrong chord.

“Grandmother… I know I messed up. I know I abandoned her… if I could take back everything I did, I would in a heartbeat.” His voice was pained, head hung low in shame. “I just… I just want her back.”

Mo’at nodded as she laid an empathetic hand on his back. “You must give her time…”

“But I have already been here for so long! I know I was gone for so…so long but I thought she may have at least… warmed up to me slightly. I don’t expect her to change completely. I just want to be able to talk to her, look into her eyes. I miss the warmth I felt when I saw her smile…I never see her smile anymore.”

Neteyam tried desperately not to cry, but oh how difficult it was when he felt the weight of your absence lay so heavily on his chest.

Mo’at let out a sigh, one that felt heavy, one that changed the atmosphere as she exhaled. “She is scared child. She was…she was gone once you left. Your absence was sorely missed, but it truly broke her. There was nothing left of her when you left.”

Neteyam said nothing, though his eyes begged for some sort of explanation, his pupils pleaded as his entire focus was centred on the words exiting his grandmother’s mouth.

Mo’at sucked in a sharp breath, repeating your despair was always hard, to think you experienced such depression. “The day you left she didn’t stop crying. For days she replaced the strongest waterfall in the forest. Her sobs racked through the village as she cried your name out. She screamed it in her sleep, she sobbed it as she woke. She was completely broken. But that was not the worst of it.”

Neteyam already felt his heart sinking. It floated down as he thought more about the anguish he had caused you. His ears hung low in shame as he attentively listen as Mo’at continued to speak.

“It was after the tears. The acceptance. The betrayal. She was no longer her, she was a shell, a corpse. The poor child…she didn’t move for months. No one could get her to leave her hammock, she laid there for days, she didn’t eat, didn’t sleep, didn’t speak. She was nothing.”

Neteyam let out a whimper. One that tried to cover up the sob that was aching to escape him. Guilt racked through him as he could barely look in Mo’at’s eyes as she continued to speak.

“Some days I look back and remember the state she was in, the way her body was so frail, so weak. She was so sick, riddled with the disease of heartbreak. My child I know you left her here because it was safe. Child I know you thought were saving your lover. But Neteyam…she does not want to remember her anguish, but every time she looks at you she is remembered of those times.”

“What could I possibly do” His voice is raspy and quiet. Barely able to let out a noise as his throat betrays him.

“Create new memories, let her remember new days with you, why she loved you so much. Enable her to let go of the sadness she holds in her heart that filled in the place you took from her.”

Neteyam nods. His mind swirling as a million epiphanies hit him at once. There was no way he could ever forgive himself for causing you sorrow, but he only prayed that you would be able to feel enough forgiveness to let him put back the missing puzzle piece in the jigsaw of your heart.

Va’tep was Tarsem’s brother, the Olo’eyktan. So Va’tep was his right hand man, right beside him through every decision and every battle. Which meant as Va’tep’s promised mate, had a large amount of expected participation in war party meeting such as this.

“If we attack from the east we will get a clear shot towards the demons.” Va’tep said as he drew out a map with a stick onto the large plot of dirt that everyone was circled around.

You couldn’t help but notice the flaws in his plan. East was directly in front of the base the demons had there. While we would have clear a view…there would be significantly more danger.

“Va’tep…I think we should maybe approach it from the south.” You hated speaking up in these meetings, as all the warriors’ beady eyes locked onto you. It made you queasy, as if you were going to spew instead of saying the words you were thinking.

Va’tep’s eyes sharpen as he looks as if you had slapped him across the face with your suggestion. “The south has many sight obstacles…it will be harder to navigate” His voice was deep, and husky. It was obvious he was starting to fume.

“But the base is right there. It would be dangerous to approach that direction!” You raise your voice slightly, only in a way to show how desperate you were to get your point across.

Neteyam watched this interaction closely. Studying every single inch of your body language. He always knew how wise you were when it came to stuff like this. You were always calculating the best solution for anything that may spring up in the battlefield. When Jake was Olo’eyktan, you were one of his greatest assets because of your knowledge.

The back and forth goes on for a while as no other warrior dared to speak up. Until he did. Neteyam of course.

“She’s right…there would be much more danger if we were to take the East route.” As soon as you heard his voice it felt like a spotlight of hope was shun onto your heart.

Va’tep grunted at the unwanted input. “The South route is a cowardice route. Something I guess you can sympathize with.” His words were like venom, scorching Neteyam as he stared daggers into him.

“The East route is brazen, unsafe and uncalculated. Something you definitely can understand. Isn’t that right Va’tep?” Neteyam rarely stooped to a level this low, but with the overhanging threat of you being shut down by your ‘mate’ was enough to make Neteyam seethe.

“I’ll show you something you’ll understand-”

Va’tep fumed as Tarsem decided it was his time to step in, changing the subject and postponing the decision for further analysis. But you didn’t forget the way your heart-beat as Neteyam supported you. Something you hadn’t felt in a long time. Supported.

The day turned to dusk as you sat by the river, kicking your feet in the cool water as you listened to the world around you. Each sound was perfectly tuned together, a perfect song of the world.

You heart-beat is slow, resting on your hands as the dirt meets your soft palms. Your eyes closed to protect themselves from the harsh rays of light that shun down onto your body. It was peaceful, it was calm.

The unfamiliar sound of crunching leaves grew behind you. Ears perked up tail swishing in alert you turn to see Neteyam approaching.

You can’t deny the dread you feel when you see him. And you can’t deny the way your heart beats like crazy whenever you are close enough to see how much he grew. How much he changed.

You wonder if he thought about you. If he ever noticed the changes of your mature figure or if he couldn’t notice if you looked different to how he remembered you.

“Hey you.” His voice was sweet and musky, enough to send shivers down your spine as you refused to meet his golden eyes.

“Hi there.” Your voice was always quiet…but these five years made it dull. As if there was nothing much else for it to be excited about.

“I thought I would find you here.” Your brows moved in curiosity, body facing him as he sat beside you, waving his defined legs in the water.

“Why’s that?”

“This was our river…do you remember.” Oh you remember. How could you forget. This river was the one thing you held into when he left. As you slept on the riverbed pretending the rushing water was his soft voice hushing you to sleep.

“Yes…I do.” Neteyam felt a rush of joy run through him. Maybe it was hope. Hope to get you back. Hope to show just how much you mean to him, that you are his treasure. He let out a soft chuckle, fighting the urge to let his fingers slip over your knuckles. He knew it was too soon.

“You were wise in the meeting today.” He said earnestly, looking at you with nothing but sincerity as he watched a blush form on your face, as you turned away from him. Avoiding his intense stare.

“It was just common sense.” You shrug, trying to not seem flattered. “I am at the meetings for a reason.”

“Well…it was still impressive. Was your mate as impressed?” The subject of Va’tep left a sour taste in his mouth and a sour look on your face.

“Please do not speak of him.” You say defeated. Va’tep was a sore reminder in your mind of how you were nothing but a trophy to your parents. A woman to marry off to gain rank.

You were lucky enough to be fated with Neteyam. But it all crumbled when he left. Everything did. Like an earthquake that broke the foundation of every single building in your soul.

Neteyam gave a curious hum, nodding. “Why not?”

“Neteyam. Stop.” He freezes at the tone of your voice, his mind begging that he did not mess up the harmonious moment you were both sharing together.

“W-What?”

“Neteyam…please have mercy on my heart.” You sucked in a sharp breath as you looked into Neteyams watery eyes. “Please.”

He frowned at your plead. “Have mercy on yourself… please… please have mercy on me. And I will never hurt your heart again.” Neteyam gasps after he talked, his sentence being so vulnerable it took the breath out of him.

“I can’t do this…Neteyam you know I can’t” And oh how you wanted to run away with him. To escape your dull life with Va’tep and be able to freely be who you were. To find yourself once again. But it was all too much, his absence took your hope. But he was adamant on giving it back.

“…We can… trust me. Please we can start over… I know. I know I have hurt you, I have scarred your heart. But on the great mother’s name, I will never leave you again… you were my everything and still are. Please don’t think for second I ever stopped loving you.”

The tears started running down your cheeks, but you barely noticed as you stared into the ripples of the water. His words seeping into your skin like a tender kiss.

“Neteyam I’m afraid.” It was barely a whisper. A soft confession that made your lips quivered. “I’m afraid of losing you and myself again.” Neteyam frowned, his brows furrowed as he took his rough fingers to turn your face towards him. His thumb wiping the tears off delicately.

“you have every right to be afraid… but please let me prove to you… that its okay to let go of your fears. Let me... please.”

And in that moment it was as if a switch flipped in you. Every worry washing away as you felt his warmth once again. The years of built up wishes and cravings for him were finally met. As his gaze melted into you, a sad smile across his face as he held onto you tenderly. Every ounce of love pouring into you.

“…please show me how to let go…”

thankyou so much for reading my lovelies!! reblogs + replies extra appreciated!!

series taglist (closed): @notsaelty @mommyneytiri @hannabanana-09 @gloryavila @peachinsominac @jaidalise @neqeyam @hello222sthings @tsuteysyawntu @neyetams @yhern05 @emjeez @adaiasafira @kiri-tuk @yaya6765 @biscuitbeater15 @iwannahaveaprettyaesthetic @plooloo @savvysscandles @dilucslilmeowmeow @69cocktimusprime @newjeansbonnie @chatoicboy @pinkpantheris @plzfeedmebread @afro-hispwriter @lollife1617 @goddesslilithmoriarty @cinetrix @grierpilots @melsunshine @valentineheartzz @tsveria @mikeyswifie @junnniiieee07 @wifeyofeveryone @baebinana @thatonegirlwiththebeanie367 @neteyamssbaby @taleiak @cheyehc @shoyos-sugarbaby @be3flow3r

everything taglist: @8resa @ilovejakesullysdick @neteyamsblog @live-laugh-neteyam @reyalvr @trashfox @darkacademictrash @scntfrhs @dreamyescapesfromreality @fanboyluvr @neteyamzmate @neteyamyawne @neteyamssbaby @oceanstar19 @sharkybabe9 @laylasbunbunny @s-surreality

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manias-wordcount · 6 months

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Angel's Use (Hawks, Twice, Dabi, Mr. Compress, Spinner, Tomura Shigaraki)

Kinktober 2023 Day Thirty-One: (Dub-Con) Free Use

𝗟𝗼𝗰𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝗢𝘂𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗦𝗰𝗲𝗻𝗲: 𝗼𝗻𝗲 || 𝘁𝘄𝗼 || 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗲 || 𝗳𝗼𝘂𝗿

𝙒𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚? ⇒ 𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

𝙟𝙤𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚𝙧?

𝙗𝙪𝙮 𝙢𝙚 𝙖 𝙘𝙤𝙛𝙛𝙚𝙚?

“Twice…? Is she okay?”

You know…

“Angel-chan? She’s fine, she likes doing this. Little whore isn’t fully house-trained! Let’s teach a lesson!”

Hawks used to be one of your favorite heroes.

Hearing his voice asking if you were okay, it reminded you of that feeling. Of that little fondness you had for him. The fact that he was your age helped a lot. But it’s hard not to fall in love with someone that cute and charming. The deep pockets were a plus, and the fact that he was such a hard worker out in the field made you like him so easily. He saved lives, just like you did. And for a girl with a boring life and boring job, that was enough of a connection to get a crush going almost instantly after his debut all those years ago.

But right now? You can’t even look at him. But he looks at you. He’s been looking at you a lot.

And you can’t blame him. You really can’t.

You were declared dead a couple of months ago. That’s what Kurogiri told you. That you’re supposed to be a ghost. That you’re not supposed to exist anymore. A pretty little nurse with a powerful quirk goes missing one night. Only for an unidentifiable body to appear in the same place a couple of days later. With a case as strange as yours, heroes were bound to take notice. Bound to remember. And bound to call the authorities if you’re ever seen again. So they’ve always taken precautions when it came to you. Always made sure that you weren’t seen. Weren’t heard. Weren’t anything to anyone outside of the walls of the hideout.

So you’d like to think that that’s the reason why one of the best heroes in Japan is staring at you so intently. You’d like to think it’s because he recognizes you. Or that he’s trying to gauge what’s the best way to rescue you from this hell. You’d like to think that. But the truth is that it’s getting hard to think nowadays. It’s getting hard to use your head clearly. To parse through those muddled thoughts of yours. To move past all the tasks and distractions in front of you. And right now, you can feel his gaze on you. It’s strong and intense and so, so hard to ignore. Just like it’s hard to ignore the humiliation you can’t help but feel.

After all, it’s not like it’s every day that your only hope of rescue gets to see you lazily suck another man’s dick like some toy.

But you can’t help the feeling. Just like you can’t help the position. You try to block it out. You try to block it all out. But the farthest you manage to get is letting the words around you dull into nothingness. You’re still very aware of where you are. Of what you’re doing. Of who they are. No matter how hard you try to block it out, you still feel the cool, smooth feeling of leather against your bare, heated as you lay on your stomach with your head in Twice’s lap. You still feel the rumble of the man’s heartbeat and breath, and he speaks to Hawks without so much of a care for your existence. You still feel the openness- the vulnerable feeling of being laid out on the couch of the common room like some toy. Lips wrapped around a dick and tongue flickering up against it as people all around you go about their lives. As if you aren’t there. As if you were meant to be there.

Above you, Twice’s chest rumbles, as if he was told a good joke. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Hawk’s golden-eyed gaze turned to you. Expression concerned, but masked fairly well. But you don’t look at it for long. Instead, you find yourself squeezing your eyes shut and bobbing your head down to take a more active role and pleasuring one of your captors.

Twice’s deep-chested laugh turns into a moan, and one of his hands comes to rest in your hair. A grip so gentle. A touch so sweet. You could have forgotten that he was a villain. For just a moment. For just a minute. For just a second. But you didn’t.

Instead, you squeeze your eyes shut a little tighter. Maybe if you try to deep-throat him right now, no one will know just where exactly your tears are coming from. Maybe if you bury your face even lower in Twice’s lap, Hawks will stop looking at you. Maybe he’ll even forget you. Maybe you’ll forget you too. But you don’t. You can’t.

“Get Angel’s attention.”

The world hates you far too much for you to receive your peace.

“I want my turn.” The familiar sound of Dabi’s voice breaks you out of your thoughts. All of a sudden, everything that felt dull and far away felt closer. Louder. Clearer. You become hyperaware of your surroundings. Of the salty taste in your mouth. Of the TV playing the twenty-four-hour news cycle playing quietly. Of the palms that are so rough and so hot they burn coming to grab at your waist and easing you into lifting up your hips. At that, your fight or flight kicks in. You breathe labors, and before you know it, you’re pulling your mouth off of Twice’s dick to look behind you. You can hear the man’s two-sided comments. The gentle side of him’s disappointed sigh. And his other side calling you a whore. But right now? “You don’t mind if I come through the back door, don’t you, Angel?”

There’s something bigger and scarier than Twice happening behind you.

You can’t help the fear that overtakes you in that moment. The whimper that leaks through your throat as your hands ball up into fists and your bottom lip quivers. The look Dabi is giving you behind his messy dark hair- it isn’t unfamiliar. You’ve seen that same emotion in those pretty blue eyes of his. You’ve seen it since the first day you met him. But now you’re not as stupid. You’re not as naive. And you’re much more willing to scoot back and get on your knees and relax. Well, try to relax. There’s oh but so much you can do when you’re telling yourself that you have to sit face down, ass up for a serial murderer and pyromaniac. All to live. All to live.

Out of the corner of vision again, you notice Hawks. His feathers have ruffled. Ever so slightly- an action almost too quick to catch. But you noticed it. And Dabi did too. Because a second later he’s laughing. And a second later, you’re turning your head away from him. From both of them. Your gaze falls back in front of you. At Twice’s cock, sitting angry and red and wet, and messy and forgotten as it rest on the man’s abdomen. Leaking a pearly trail of precum onto his stomach. You already miss it. He’s only a couple inches away and you already miss him. Because even if he’s like the rest of the men in this hideout who use your body so freely for their own desires, at least Twice is gentle with you. At least he’s kind to you.

But as the sound of a zipper hits your ears, and something thick and hard and just way too big starts prodding at your anus, you know that there’s no saving you today. No going back to just laying naked on the couch and warming someone’s cock. No going back to hoping you won’t be perceived by the golden boy hero who only recently turned to the dark side. There’s only your pain. There’s only someone else’s pleasure. Taking from you. Tainting you. Torturing you.

“Fuck, that’s it, sweetheart.”

Until it’s someone else’s turn.

“You’re still so tight back here, hmm?” You hear Dabi rumble from behind you. Voice low and sultry as his hands pull you closer and closer to him as your body swallows inch after inch with loud cries. The stretch- it burns. More than the heat from his scarred, scarred hands. From the fire alight in his eyes every single time he looks at you. More than anything in the world. And this stretch- this sudden fullness fills you up from behind like an invasive species taking over what was never theirs in the first place- it tugs at you from the pits of your stomach. It screams for attention. It begs for your tears. For your embarrassment to grow. And you can’t ignore this feeling. You can’t ignore this pain. They may have broken you to be their toy, but angels can’t be killed so easily. “Spinner was back here less than a week ago, and yet I can just barely fit. Perfect little whore.”

No matter how many times you wish for death.

“Hey!”

At the call of his name, Spinner responds from somewhere else in the bar. You hear his footsteps, heavy and hard pad over to where the couch is. But you can’t see him as he starts bickering with Dabi. You’re far too busy breathing out deeply. Whining and wriggling and whimpering oh-so-loudly as Dabi bottoms out inside of your ass. Now, all you can think about is the pan and how it heightens every sensation around you. How it turns your mind into mush and brings the heat to your cheeks as you wish for nothing more for it to be over. For you to disappear between the couch cushions. So much so that you barely even notice the hand reach out and brushing its fingers against yours.

But you do notice. And you know it belongs to Twice. Offering the smallest amount of comfort possible to you. But it’s something you can’t appreciate. Something you can’t even savor. Because before you know it, Dabi’s moving his hands off your hips and wrapping them around your waist. In one fell swoop, you’re being flipped. Your position changes. And somehow the dick in your ass manages to bury itself even further inside of you. And oh, how you cry out. Oh, how you thrash. But Dabi’s got you locked in his lap now as he lays back against the couch. He’s got your legs spread nice and wide with your pretty, little pussy on display and his cock plugging up your other hole. He’s got his head buried in your neck, and the scent of ash and smoke surrounding him. Clinging to him. Tighter than the death grip he has locked around your waist. Tighter than the leash that all of them have on you.

“At least I used lube,” Spinner starts to brag, voice proud and tone haughty. As if it’s some type of accomplishment. From this new position, you’re able to eye Spinner a little better. You’re able to see everyone and everything a little better. Compared to having your face pressed into the couch. But you don’t want to see any of them. You don’t want to think of any of them. You don’t. You just don’t. “Angel-chan like it when I use her ass because I’m gentle with her. Isn’t that right, Angel-chan?”

You can’t help it. You shake your head no at Spinner’s words. Wildly, with a few whimpers here and there as your body continues to struggle against the iron-like grip Dabi has on you. But he’s too busy laughing at your complete and utter rejection. Too busy laughing at you.

“You really think a girl like her would enjoy being impaled by those monstrous things?“ A new voice enters the fray. And despite the fact that your brain is getting a little fuzzier and fuzzier as Dabi ultimately allows you to adjust to his size, you’re able to turn a half-lidded gaze to another part of the room to watch Mr. Compress approach you. With the mask on, it’s hard to tell where he’s looking. Or what he’s thinking. But for a second, you swear you manage to catch sight of a bulge from his pants. And you promise you’re that you’re not dreaming when you say that his gaze must have been watching the rise and fall of your chest so, so carefully. Taking in the slight jiggle of your boobs. The way your lips part. The way your expression clouds more and more. The way pain is starting to melt away into pleasure. “Perhaps you don’t remember her screams. I’m sure our neighbor do.”

Spinner starts getting offended at that. He shoots off a few choice words at Mr. Compress. But it’s Dabi who fires back at him. Making a big show of whatever he said by accenting with a roll of his hips. One that causes you to arch your bag and cry out- nearly fighting out of his grip. But those warm hands of his spread across your stomach. Holding you in place. Forcing you to do nothing but watch as others watch you. So that’s what you do.

First, your gaze falls back on Twice’s. He’s still in the same position you left him. Still harder than ever to read with that mask on his face. But now his head is tilted in the direction that makes his direct line of sight where you and Dabi’s bodies are joined. And his hand- the one that you guessed was previously reaching out to you? It’s now wrapped around his cock. Stroking at it lazily. Getting off to the mere sight of you. It makes your embarrassment grow even more. It makes your blood boil even hotter. At the end of the day, you can’t be stupid. At the end of the day, you have to remember that he’s just another man. That he’s just another one of your captors. Just another one who will likely be slipping his dick inside of one of your holes again in a couple of days. Maybe even a couple of hours.

But then your mind starts to wander. And your eyes start to too. And suddenly your gaze is on one of Japan’s top heroes. And it’s like all the words and noise and things around you start to fade away. Because Hawks is looking at you too. He’s watching you carefully. Drinking you in slowly. And you start to have hope that the emotion in his eyes is anger. That it’s outrage. At the sight of these men speaking about you and your body so freely. So easily. And it starts to make you hope. That your old favorite hero will live up to your beliefs. That your old favorite hero will rise from the ashes and the darkness. And that he’ll save you.

So you ask him for that. You look into his face and you think not about how handsome he is. You look into his face and think not about how warm and comforting his voice is. You just look into his face- you look into his bright, golden eyes and you ask him. You beg him to save you. To be the one who returns you to light. Who saves you from this hell. To save you from them. But then the unthinkable happens. The unexpected. The impossible.

Your hero. Your supposed savior- he looks away.

And for a second, you think you see it in his eyes. You think you see it. The guilt. But even more than that? The arousal. And the growing tent in his pants that’s almost impossible for you to ignore. Impossible for you to imagine. So you don’t ignore it. You internalize it. You think about it. You think about what his arousal means. You think about his refusal to move- to lift a finger, a feather in your direction.

You think about the way he can’t even look at you right now too.

And the tears that you were previously shedding? They start to come out a little faster than before. It’s okay though. You let them. For your sake. For your pain.

But a moment later, your view of Hawks is being disrupted. And you don’t put up much of a fight. You can’t put up much of a fight. You won’t. Because the feeling of being failed by the one person who could have saved you has already started to set in. And there’s already someone else- there’s already Mr. Compress tilting your head in another direction, putting two fingers out and telling you to “Suck, sweetheart”, as Spinner grabs a fist full of your hair and holds it up in a ponytail for you. Now, Dabi’s hards are reaching down your body. No longer holding you possessively. Instead, giving out a chance to share as he takes two fingers and parts your lower lips to give the person now standing in front of you an easier chance to slide into your awaiting little pussy. Eager as can be.

All these eyes are on you. All these hands on you. Giving you attention. Giving you pleasure. Giving you pain. Every now and then your eyes will slide to someone’s face. To read their expression. To read their bodies as they enjoy yours. Yet every single time, you’re met with the same dazed expressions. The same lust-filled eyes. The same devious smiles. Taking ownership of your body. Taking your body. Everywhere you look. Everywhere you turn. And somehow, it gets easier. It gets easier to pretend that you like it. It gets easier to tolerate. It gets easier to survive. To zone it all out. To take it all in. To moan the way they like it. To cry the way they want you to. To take it like a good girl. Like the angel you are to them.

And now, with Tomura standing in front of you, lining up his cock and pushing inside of your warm, wet pussy- reserved just for him, you swear that the feeling from before has gotten easier. In between his distracting words of praise and calls of your nickname. In between your moans and groans and gasps and whimpers and cries of pain. Of pleasure. You swear that little by little it’s gotten easier. That the stretch is more bearable. That the pain has lessened. That the tears have dried.

“Good Angel-chan,” Tomura murmurs at you while sinking himself inside you with a lewd, lewd groan of his own. You hiccup on the fingers you’re sucking on, but your body responds accordingly. It responds as it was trained to do. “Angel-pussy is the best. And it’s all mine.”

It’s the only way you can survive after all.

But try as you might, you don’t think it’ll ever go away. You don’t think it’ll ever fade either. Because he knows as much as you know. That while you’d expect it from monsters like them…

… it’s impossible to forget that even now, Hawks is using you too.

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elvisalltheway101 · 15 days

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it’s only words; 60s elvis x reader

Summary: rude customers have been on the daily, annoying, and elvis finally shows up to see them in action.

author’s note: written from an idea by @jhoneybees, my doll 😊 and I hope you enjoy this! Of course, all’s eyes, please enjoy!

••••••••••

words. Words were the last thing you wanted to hear in this mood, time and shift. Especially by some fat fellows that drag their jaws to the table. If you could roll your eyes and just smack them with your tray, you would.

“What’s with the frown, cuppy? Ain’tcha happy to see us?” One nasty, slobbery man speaks from the three at the stuffy, sweaty table. You scoff and walk over with the tray at palm, holding back all urges to just shout back. Cuppy, is the random name that popped outta their yappers and they stuck with it.

You sigh heavily, and slide their expected smoothies to their table and huff. You glance around the men and ignore a gag. “Anything else needed?” You spoke in a confident but irritated voice. They shake and jobber their shiny chins and smirk, “nah, not for now cuppy.”

Only walking away, you hug the tray to your chest and rub your temple. Calming yourself down, and glancing up at the black, laminated clock above the restaurant’s entrance. 10:43 pm. Just under an hour, 17 more minutes and probably 35 more seconds til off time. But who’s counting?

You’re used to the whistles and smiles tossed at your way, but you know who your heart belongs to. And that’s how it’s gonna stay. “Nice ass, cuppy. Might call ya a juggie now.” One deep voice called from behind at the table shouts and they all burst in laughter, shoving at eachother with snickers and hiccups.

You groan and roll your eyes, they might even get stuck like that with the amount of times you’ve been doing it in this minute. But your cheeks burn in harassment and just feeling so irritated.

16 minutes fly past, and you’re beyond glad. Serving the last table was like drawing a Breathe of nice real air, but it’s when an annoying kid slams a drink over the table that you have to be sent over to clean it immediately. “Fucking hell.” You mutter as the spoilt family walk out of the restaurant doors, and you bend down to wipe up the mess with the rag in your palm.

Just at that moment, elvis walks in awaiting and expectant of a hug from his lover doll. He frowns as he glances around and enters the creaky, shiny doors but smiles softly as your work hard to do your job. He decides to not disturb or surprise you just yet, wandering away by the jobbery men.

As you continue to wipe up the sticky juice, he sighs dreamily but it’s rudely interrupted when one of the sweaty guys nudge him with a smirking smile, “ay, she’s got a nice ass, don’t she?” He raises a brow in confusion, and looks his way. “Mm, a nice shake with it too.” One of the other men chirps and snickers, but you’ve already heard and had enough.

Before Elvis can even express emotion or smart mouth any of them shitheads, you jump to your feet and stomp up their table, throwing the dirty rags of dust and other messes you’ve picked up with it, right into their faces. “Perverts!” You shout but then you immediately stop once your eyes shoot accidentally connected to Elvis’ blue confused ones.

••••

Before you know it, he carries you out and tries to pat your shoulders in attempt to cool off steam. “Now why- can, what’s goin on?” He stutters out and glances over your eyes, and you huff. Frustrated but still a little grateful he caught you in his arms. You pout and sniffle lightly, not realizing that you’ve gotten so upset that your doll eyes swell with glossy tears. “It’s just that, that, those guys a-are so nosy and annoying, and inappropriate. It’s giving me a headache!” You whine and gasp out, as he thrusts you into his welcoming arms.

“Shhh, shhh, s’okay baby.” He soothes you gently, craddling you in his arms along the cold, chilly air on the sidewalk. “S’only words, baby doll. It’s only words. And besides, I’ve been told ya that you can quit this pig bed. Y’know I don’t like my baby working and sweating over stuff she ain’t deserving of.”

he pours and pulls you at arms length to scan your eyes with reassurance, and you smile gently and nod slowly. “M’kay. Y-you’re right it’s only words.” He smiles and nods with his chin out, “mhm, and I’ll get them sonovabitches once your pretty eyes fall sleep. Mkay?”

He smiles a playful, but promising smile with a light in his eyes. You giggle and nod vigorously, and Elvis smiles as he wipes away your upset tears and snot.

“It’s only words.”

••••••••

tag list: @jhoneybees @your-nanas-love @pomtherine

#Spotify #elvis presley #70s elvis #big daddy elvis #elvis aaron presley #elvis fluff #elvis presley fanfiction #elvis presley x reader #elvis presley imagine #elvispresley #elvis x reader fluff

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apomaro-mellow · 1 year

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Eddie and his bats part 1

Steve didn’t always know what to make of the demobats that followed Eddie around. At first, he was certain they were just waiting for the right moment to strike and take them all out. But when it was proven that Eddie had complete control, he stopped worrying about that.

And yet, still, there were moments when it looked like the bats wanted to eat him up. There were times when it felt like they couldn’t get close enough to him. They’d rub at his sides or nestle into his hair or just peer up at him like a puppy or a baby that wanted up.

It was weird. These were supposed to be flesh eating monster bats. Not cute little pets.

Eddie had assured them that in a similar way to the Upside Down, he and the bats were connected. So whenever he got the blood to fuel him, the bats were sated as well. And after the first time he fed on Steve in lieu of blood bags, they just kept doing that. Steve was typically more readily available and could obviously replenish his own stores.

“Don’t make me sound so cheap.”

Eddie had laughed at that. “Now you’re the Slim Jim.”

Steve had rolled his eyes but noticed one of the bats rubbing against his ankle again. The world really was turning quote unquote upside down if he was finding it cute. Cute enough to swipe a drop of blood left on his neck and hold it out to the bat, who licked it up gratefully.

“You okay givin’ ‘em another taste?”, Eddie asked.

“It’s a consent thing”, Steve said.

----------------------------------

When Steve finally figured out how Eddie felt about him (courtesy of Erica of all people) it was like the floodgates had opened. It was like you finally found that puzzle piece that made the picture make sense.

“I really can’t believe I didn’t see it before”, Steve said as he crumbled up some ground beef into dog bowls.

“I think I was playin’ it pretty cool”, Eddie grinned before seeing what Steve was doing. “Are you mixing in wet dog food? For the bats?”

Currently three bats were all over Steve. One clung to his leg, slowly climbing, another attached to the back of his shirt while one was perched on his shoulder, all trying to get closer to the food.

“I just saw this premium brand and thought they might like it. I know they get energy from you but it’s probably like an IV drip vs an actual meal, you know?”

“Getting the nutrients but none of the pleasure, sure. But dog food?”

Steve placed the bowls on the floor. “There’s raw meat in there.”

The bats ate ravenously, as they did with most things and Steve shot his boyfriend a smug grin.

“You know, if this gives us alone time so I can suck you off with no audience, I’m team dog food.”

“You mean my blood, right?”

Eddie just waggled his brows and started towards Steve’s room.

-------------------------------

Eddie had always craved some sort of power. To have authority over others. He liked having members of Hellfire under his orders or freshman that hung on his every word. Eddie liked feeling powerful.

So right now, sitting in his DM chair, making out with a lapful of Steve Harrington, he felt on top of the world. He let his fangs graze against those soft lips and the little whimper Steve let out made him fly higher.

And if he had a bat or two standing by to keep anyone from bothering them, that was his business.

--------------------------------

Steve was dead tired. He had to wake up early to open the store, then during his lunch break some demodogs got into the arcade and had to be dealt with, a woman spent an hour trying to convince him they had a movie in stock that didn’t exist in their inventory, and then after work he had to go to the grocery store and nearly got into it with that bitch Sheila on behalf of Claudia.

Needless to say, he was ready to lay down once he got home. When he opened the door, he wasn’t surprised to see a small horde of bats waiting for him. Eddie practically lived in his house now.

“Sounds like Daddy’s home~”, Eddie called out from somewhere in the house. The bats were vibrating from where they sat. At one point they had swarmed Steve and tackled him when he got home, but he had spiraled into a panic attack and they (Eddie) learned to keep themselves at bay until he said it was okay.

Eddie got the welcome kisses first and then Steve knelt down to acknowledge the demobats. Once he rose, some attached to his clothes and hung on like little koalas.

“Rough day?”

“The roughest.”

The moment he said that, Steve felt the bats lift him off his feet and carry him off to his room.

“Comfy?”, Eddie asked once the bats laid him onto his bed.

“I feel like a messed up Disney princess”, Steve said through a laugh.

Eddie began to remove Steve’s shoes. “Then allow this humble servant to serve his royal highness.”

He swore he could feel Vecna rumbling in displeasure on the other side. But he was a lump of flesh, trying to build himself back up while having sent Eddie here to stir up chaos in his absence. It was why he’d been brought from the brink and given these abilities.

But as he listened to Steve sigh in relief while he gave him a foot massage, Eddie couldn’t see a better use for himself than being right here.

Tag Team

@cherixxx69 @ajamlessbaby

For more vampire Eddie, check out Welcome to Hawkins or my Supernatural Steddie series

#apo writes #fanfiction #stranger things #steddie #kas!eddie

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maniculum · 4 months

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Bestiaryposting Results: Raggfong

This week's beast was the Raggfong, much to the dismay of everyone who is sick of birds. Again, sorry, there are a bunch... and the random distribution put a clump of them in December/January, so it's going to get worse before it gets better. If it helps, imagine it's some kind of ritual to empower the birds currently eating the Gävle goat. Or maybe a "Twelve Days of Christmas" sort of thing -- we've already had the partridge.

Also again please forgive me if I fail to string sentences together properly -- still sick. Covid, actually, turns out. The brain fog is difficult; almost forgot I was supposed to do this today.

Anyway, here is the link to the entry that our artists are working from:

(Why did I redact the Greek and Latin names for the coot? I'm not making any effort to hide its identity... baffling choice on the part of Past Me.)

And if you have no idea what this is about, you should take a look at https://maniculum.tumblr.com/bestiaryposting for an explanation and previous entries.

As usual, art will appear in roughly chronological order under the cut.

@elodieunderglass (link to post here) responded days before anyone else with this image, which successfully conveys a lot of emotion in my opinion. Those are some very communicative facial expressions on the birds. I particularly like the coot, and how it's positioned to shield the chick from the sun. The real gem here, however, is the text of the post linked above, which I would describe as a prose poem about the bird depicted. I'm genuinely a bit blown away by it -- go click the link and read it for yourself.

@embervoices (link to post here) has got some kind of effect going on here that I don't know enough about art to describe, but I like the way it looks. Her post mentions the phoenix connection, which I think comes through pretty clearly in the design and pose. The linked post explains some design decisions, including which real-world birds were the inspiration for this one.

@silverhart-makes-art (link to post here) helpfully specifies that this Raggfong is resting on a bed of sea kale. The design of this bird is very good, I think, conveying a certain gravity one does not always associate with seabirds. I also like the effect created by the background; it kind of looks like it's the cover for something, you know? The linked post explains the various birds from which the artist borrowed features and why, and also discusses the evocative nature of the entry this is based on -- I'm glad people are enjoying that aspect.

@rautavaara (link to post here) has made the executive decision that this bird is actually a frog, and the drawing is frankly too pretty for me to have any kind of problem with that. Look at that border. And the wonderful color palette. Also there's a flying frog, which is very cool.

@cheapsweets (link to post here) notes an emerging theme in these entries that birds (except coots) are jerks. I honestly can't remember how consistent that theme is across all the birds... I know there are some the author likes, but there are also definitely going to be additional Birds That Are Jerks in future. I like the crown-like crest on the Raggfong, and I'm impressed by the dedication involved in doing all those little body feathers with a fountain pen. Also, if you look closely, you'll see that one of those chicks the adult Raggfong is carrying has been shown staring off in the same direction as its parent, while the other has its head turned and its eyes closed, meaning we can expect it to join the coots off to the right... and there's already a young Raggfong there, too. The linked post contains a detailed explanation of design decisions, which you should go check out. (Also, thanks again for providing alt text.)

@coolest-capybara (link to post here) has employed her usual medieval stylization to depict a Raggfong inspired by an albatross (on the grounds that they are a seabird with "judgy" eyes... you know, I can see it). I am absolutely delighted by the scrungliness of the chick being shown here, which does indeed have the "muppet made from dryer lint" quality of a real albatross chick. They have also included a series of pictures that show the whole life cycle, which I've decided (after substantial back-and-forth) to not copy over here as there's a certain color-of-the-sky quality there, but which I strongly encourage you to click on the link and look at for yourself. I particularly like that the coot in the "life cycle" picture appears to have a couple Ilyechams in her flock in addition to the new Raggfong.

@moustawott (link to post here) describes their Raggfong as a gannet mixed with an eagle, and it looks pretty majestic, honestly. The background really enhances that effect, and I think it makes a much more entertaining contrast with the two little chicks being carried below. There's a certain severity to the design that I think is fitting.

@pomrania (link to post here) has ditched the whole "coot" thing for a more direct interpretation of the Raggfong's "common counterpart", which they deem the "Ritchfong". I kind of like the idea of two related species of bird that the human observer has interpreted to have class divisions. The crest on the Raggfong is also a very appropriate touch, I think. The linked post contains additional detail on design decisions, and links to some process images, so go check that out.

@treesurface (link to post here) has decided that the Raggfong should actually be a sort of insect that people mistake for a bird, which I think is quite clever. They explain their reasoning for that a bit more in the linked post, along with some other notes on design and execution that I think are worth reading. I really like the concept that the "unmoving wings" are elytra, and the kind of glittering quality that they suggest here. (I also appreciate that they provide their own alt text.)

@karthara (link to post here) has drawn a Raggfong in several scenarios to express the behavior described in the entry. I really like the overall design here, with the feathery tufts on its head. Also charming is that one flying up near the sun -- it looks so happy to be on fire. The linked post explains the design decisions and the real-world birds from which karthara has taken inspiration. They also mention they included the coot chicks after looking them up and seeing how colorful they are, so I did a quick google and found this great headline:

(Tl:dr coot parents show preference for more colorful chicks, so the later the chick hatches, the more colorful it is, allowing it to compete with its larger, older siblings for food and attention.)

And finally, the Aberdeen Bestiary depiction:

The one diving into the basin just looks so goofy to me, sorry. Anyway, as I'm sure everyone has guessed, this is the eagle.

Yeah. I know. The whole "fiery rebirth" thing sounds like it should be the phoenix, but this bestiary has an entry for "Phoenix" and it's not this one.

Regular listeners to the Maniculum Podcast may recall this particular eagle behavior coming up before, in the quiz-show episode we did for the second part of "Sidrak & Bokkus". I still don't really know where this idea comes from, but there you go. Eagles.

I feel like there's some kind of comment that could be made over the lack of compassion shown by the medieval eagle here and, you know...

... but I can't quite formulate it, so you'll have to write your own.

Anyway, see y'all next week for our next beaſt.

#maniculum bestiaryposting #raggfong

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greenishghostey · 1 year

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Snap & Bite

Pairing: Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Summary: You'd known Eddie since he moved to Hawkins back in 3rd grade. You guys weren't friends - he likely didn't even know your name anymore. But it's amazing how much you can connect with the town freak when sitting outside the principal's office.

Word Count: 3,618

Warnings: None! This is just a good ol' fluffy meet-cute oneshot

Author Notes: Right, this was meant to be short and sweet but its over 3k, but still, enjoy! I'm not sure if this idea has been done before. But I hadn't seen any fics relating to bonding outside the principal's office which would be on brand for Edward.

///

You had never, in your many years of education, been sent to the principal’s office. Keeping your head and staying out of trouble was all you wanted since school was already rough enough. Being one of the few artsy and “out-there” kids in bumfuck Indiana made you a prime candidate for teasing and general unwanted attention. Whether it was about the few streaks of paint that had gotten on your jeans or the fact that you weren’t willing to help anyone with their art projects - it didn’t matter; any facet of your being was an issue in the eyes of Hawkins’ graduating class of 1984.

None of it had been your fault - well, at least not entirely your fault. Marissa Shannon, in all of her venomous, permed glory, chose a dreary Wednesday to push you to breaking point. Normally, Marissa would make passing comments about you, maybe a few to your face, and be done with it. However, today she had taken it upon herself to cross one boundary you held dear. She touched your stuff, your art stuff.

You were hunched over your various research notes - a mix of library printouts and battered textbooks, working on one of the essays that would be presented alongside it all. You had only just finished the second paragraph when water soaked the entirety of your desk. The paper immediately darkened, the book covers curled even more, and there was no way in hell you were going to save your essay.

A huge puddle formed across your work, and Marissa’s surprised giggle had you almost seeing red. You didn’t say a word, only staring at her for a few seconds. The urge to retaliate didn’t come in the form of words but rather actions. You picked up your plastic pallet full of almost dried-up paint and hurled it at Marissa’s chest, coating her white polo in various shades of green and brown.

Her shrieking and lunging at you was the last thing you saw before being sent to Principal Higgins’ office by Mrs Gilmore - not before she made it clear that she “was so so disappointed in you”. Apparently, the whole situation had only been an accident. That may have been true, but it didn’t change the fact that Marissa laughed at you. That was the part that cut the deepest. Even when it wasn’t intentional torment, she still couldn’t say a simple sorry.

The walk of shame to the office was silent. Your sneakers dragged along the floor, and you shoved your hands in your hoodie pockets. So much for keeping your head down. You’d made it to the final months of being in Hawkins and just had to lose your cool. Also, staining a rich girl’s white top - that was gonna bite you in the ass later.

Outside of Higgins’ office, there was a small row of uncomfortable plastic chairs against the wall. Those chairs weren’t somewhere you wanted to find yourself. Since freshman year, you’d only seen bleeding boys, crying students and pissed-off parents sitting there. If they called your mom, you were so dead.

Graduation could not come soon enough. It would be such a sweet relief to leave for art school out in Chicago. You were still dragging your feet when the school receptionist, Ms Prince, nodded in greeting and gestured to the chairs.

A voice, a boy’s, piped up when you walked through the door, “the hell you doing here?” Your gaze snapped up to meet the wide, confused stare of Eddie Munson.

Now that you thought about it, you had also seen Eddie sitting on those chairs a lot. He tended to lounge back outside of Higgins’ office - whether he was all beat up or just twiddling his thumbs. Everyone and their mother knew that the boy’s very existence was enough for teachers to send him to the principal's office. It surprised you that he actually showed up instead of going to hibernate in his van.

You and Eddie were in the same grade and had been since he moved to Hawkins back in third grade. Back then, he was a weedy little kid with shaggy hair who everyone thought was mute or deaf because he never spoke. There had also been a rumour that he was actually a girl, but his parents had wanted a boy, and that’s why he had to live with his uncle. In retrospect, you realised that third graders could be fucking evil. Around sixth grade was when Eddie “the freak” came about. Eddie got taller than the other boys in your class and decided that he’d had enough of cowering in corners. You remembered the first day that he talked back to Ricky Galloway, the ringleader of the bullying.

Admittedly, Eddie’s comeback to Ricky wasn’t anything amazing; it was some snarky comment about the school’s baseball team always losing. Eddie promptly had an entire lunch tray poured over his head, but he had that manic smile on his face. The smile that made everyone uncomfortable. The smile that made people scared of him.

Eddie was the antithesis of what you wanted for your last few months in education. So, you ignored his confused question and sat down a few chairs away from him. Talking the town pariah would likely only get you into deeper shit. Your attention turned to a loose thread on your grey hoodie, twirling it around your fingers. The quiet was actually really uncomfortable, but you weren’t going to change that.

“You okay?” Eddie’s voice cut through the hum of the fluorescent lights above you. He really couldn’t sit still or keep quiet for more than a minute. It wasn’t that he was annoying - you found him strange in an intriguing way. But you just weren’t in the mood to talk at any length. Besides, he didn’t know you.

“Yeah. ‘M fine.” You sighed, eyes still focused on fiddling with the thread.

“Then how come you’re here? You’re like one of the super quiet girls.” Eddie pressed, also fidgeting like you. He was playing with the heavy, silver rings on his right hand. You’d noticed his eclectic taste in jewellery as it evolved - the pig head ring was actually kind of cool.

You appreciated that Eddie was still nice, even after curating his infamous title and reputation. He was only the mean and scary dude when it was called for. It was more of an armour rather than his actual personality.

“Got in an argument with someone in class.” The thread broke away from the seam on your hoodie. God fucking damn it. “Gilmore sent me straight here.”

“The art teacher?!” Eddie sputtered, his voice growing up an octave and making you jump. “Shit, what’d you do? You gotta be her favourite for sure. You shiv someone with a brush?”

Normally, Eddie’s attempts at lightening the mood wouldn’t have bothered you. It was just him trying to seem less scary. But you were sitting there being reminded of the fact that you were the favourite of the artsy kids. You were one of the super quiet girls, and you had snapped. Hit your boiling point, and it wasn’t quite finished yet.

“What? Because I’m the weird little art girl, so I can’t possibly just argue with someone? Is that it?” You spat, finally turning in your chair to meet Eddie’s wide gaze. “Or, or, no, is it because I’m quiet? Being quiet isn’t because I want to be. It just makes everything easier. You might want to give it a try sometime.” That final comment tumbled from your lips before you could fully think about it. Eddie didn’t deserve to be talked to like trash when he was just trying to be friendly. You took a deep breath, deciding to apologise and explain yourself better, but a snort cut you off.

Which grew into a full-body laugh. Not like the crazy cackle he did at the basketball team across the cafeteria. This laugh had his eyes wrinkle at the corners and an unrestrained smile worm its way across his face.

You hadn’t had or said anything even a little funny. You’d nearly ripped his damn head off. “Wh-what - am I that pathetic?” Eddie tried to contain his barks of laughter, pressing them down into more of a giggle. No one would ever believe you if you said that you’d seen Eddie Munson giggle.

“Nah, not pathetic at all.” He sighed, finally catching his breath and wiping at his eyes. “I get chewed up by everyone here every day. But, you know, you’re the first person to do it and actually make a decent point.”

“What do you mean? I basically just told you to shut up.”

“Well, yeah, but you said it in a weird way, and you’re right. Shutting up is easier.” Eddie’s eyes softened as he let his head fall back against the bullet board behind him. A small smile remained on his lips as he went back to fiddling with his rings. You sat in stunned silence, unsure whether or not to keep the conversation going. He’d be well and truly put in his place by you snapping at him, but now you wanted him to talk again. Eddie always spoke in a somewhat cryptic and odd way. You assumed it was because he saw the world a little differently from most people.

“Wasn’t weird, just very direct… and a little mean. Sorry about that. It’s been a shitty day.” You confessed, bringing one of your knees up onto the chair to rest your chin on. Shooting Eddie a tight-lipped smile was the best you could offer, in addition to an apology.

Another snort came from him; it wasn’t in malice. He was genuinely a bit amused by you. “Thought we were giving quiet a try?”

“God, you suck, man.” You breathed out a laugh. It was so fast that Eddie nearly missed it, but it caught in his ears and rang through his head. The icy exterior that you were putting up had started to be chipped away - not quite at melting point. “Right, here’s a question, why are you here?”

“Oh, just the Wednesday usual,” Eddie stated matter of factly. “Breathed too loud in math.” Part of you knew that his answer was going to be some degree of teachers being assholes. In junior year, you’d watched Eddie, full of the cold, be marched out of Physics because he kept sneezing. He didn’t even try to defend himself when it was something he couldn’t help. Eddie just dragged himself out into the hallway, waiting to be told off.

“And - and I made eye contact with Gina Lawson.” He added, beginning to speak more with his hands. “That girl hates me. I think she’s convinced by all that cult leader crap that goes around.” Eddie shrugged, trying to brush off the knowledge that his very presence had made a girl so uncomfortable. He had fun when it came to messing with guys who thought they were God’s gift but scaring girls always made him feel a little gross.

“Nah, Gina thinks your trailer is kitted out with furniture made from cheerleader skin.” You joked. “Way worse than just the cult stuff.” You had fully turned in your chair towards Eddie. Talking to him was actually helping you feel a little better about everything. His lightheartedness allowed you to have a much-needed cooling-off period.

“Huh, that one’s news to me, actually.” Eddie beamed like he was pleasantly surprised by this new stain on his reputation. In your mind, you could imagine him doing a paraphrased version of that one Sally Field speech on one of the cafeteria tables, “I can’t deny the fact you hate me!”

“Yeah, the girls have upped the ante with you. The skin furniture and blood drinking are the locker room favourites.” Last week before gym class, you had overheard a few girls talking about Eddie and “his cult”. It was like the guy was some kind of vampiric leper that also ate puppies on the weekend. You had to wonder if people could actually hear themselves talking about Eddie. Every rumour and claim was more outlandish than the previous week’s.

“See, that’s how I know it’s all made-up shit.” Eddie grinned, pointing a finger at you.

There he went again with his odd way of speaking. Truthfully, you found yourself enjoying the fact that he could keep a conversation going so smoothly, if not a bit strangely. “What part? Is blood drinking your hard limit?” You giggled.

Giggling wasn’t something you were really known to do. Especially in front of a guy. Wednesday was panning out to be fucking bizarre.

“The blood is for the sacrifices. Obviously.” Eddie said snarkily. You feel him implying “duh”. “You know how hard AB+ is to come by these days? That’s the man downstairs’s favourite.” You had to give Eddie a lot of credit for being able to commit to a bit. If anything, though, you were actively encouraging him to keep it going. This was the most you’d laughed in a while.

“It’s AB- that’s the rare type.” You interjected. Catching Eddie slightly off guard if his curious look was anything to go by. He did this thing where he tilted his head like a confused shaggy dog. “AB+ is pretty common. It’s negative that’s the hard to find one. My mom’s a nurse, so yeah.” Your voice trailed off slowly. He didn’t ask about why you’d said that. You shouldn’t have just shared the information. Eddie didn’t care. You had probably ruined the bit; you never were the best with jokes.

“Learn something new every day, huh?” Eddie smirked. He had also shifted in his chair to face you fully. “You ever think about joining a cult? We’ve only got one other girl, Abby, and zero medical knowledge between any of us.”

His response took you aback for a few seconds. Eddie met your awkwardness head-on and with encouragement.

“Hmm, tempting. Can I be the official pentagram artist?” You asked. The air of comfort that now filled the stuffy waiting area outside Higgins’ office was a welcome change. Maybe facing the principal - and then your mom later - wouldn’t be so hard.

The big, almost goofy smile you had become familiar with in the last few minutes appeared on Eddie’s face again. You weren’t entirely sure why he was smiling and laughing with you so much. The laughter was usually directed at you. But he would have understood that better than anyone. Eddie had the town church group ready to throw him in the lake to see if he was a witch at a moment's notice.

“If there’s anyone who gets to take that title away from me, it’s gonna be you.” Eddie asserted. “I remember seeing some of your stuff before. Like that one - the picture of the lake last winter when it nearly froze over. That was yours, right?”

How did he know that was your work? You hadn’t put a name on it when Mrs Gilmore insisted on displaying it outside her class. Your dad had let you swipe his good camera for the day since you needed to find some artistic inspiration around Hawkins. The town was very much lacking in any form of aesthetic intrigue, so you marched yourself into the surrounding woods. It was a really cold winter last year, and as Eddie reminded you, the lake had the perfect layer of glittery ice and frost over it. The backdrop of leafless trees and the brilliant, crisp blue sky made for a gorgeous contrast and arguably one of the best paintings you’d ever done.

A painting that Eddie remembered fondly.

“Yeah, that one was me. How’d you know that, though? I didn’t let Gilmore put my name near it.” You questioned, filled with curiosity now that Eddie was deciding to fully let his mean and scary mask slip away.

Eddie’s eyes widened suddenly, and his jaw twitched. He knew you hadn’t put your name on it, but he thought you would have at least forgotten that tiny detail. Now he had talked himself into a corner that you had him pressed into - with no escape other than the plain truth.

“That art contest we had in middle school, eighth grade. You won it with that drawing of big cleaning in the woods near the trailer park.” Eddie admitted, back to fidgeting slightly, but this time with the ends of his hair. “You paint trees and clouds the same way.”

It was true; you did. Back in seventh grade, your art teacher caught onto your love for the subject and taught you neat little painting tricks for landscapes. To this day, tree trunks and every form of cloud was painted in that same style. It was a subtle little marker of your work. No more than some purposeful brush strokes, a bit of smudging and an ungodly amount of colour mixing. The fact that Eddie - the guy who you assumed didn’t even remember your name - remembered how you painted fucking bark was-

It was-

It just was. That was all your mind could string together from the information.

“I’m really surprised that you remember that. Like, no one’s ever noticed any of the little things I do.” You gaped, still in shock at Eddie’s words. “The way I do clouds is something that Gilmore fucking despises, actually. Says I shouldn’t use my hands so much.”

“Well, that makes it even more sick.” Eddie smiled, knocking his knuckles against the chair between the two of you.

“You entered that art contest too, though, didn’t you?” You asked, raising your brows at the now shy boy beside you. You remembered that he entered, but you couldn’t remember what he had painted.

Eddie was picking at the stray threads on his ripped jeans now. “Ah-ha, yeah. I did the gnarly-looking dragon painting. Had messed up wings and bloody teeth and everything.” He laughed nervously as he recalled his early attempt at art. Eddie had gotten a hell of a lot better with his drawing since then.

“I actually really liked that one. You actually did something you thought was cool instead of just the standard fancy-schmancy art choices.” You reassured with a soft chuckle. “It was that other thing, though, yeah? Because it had two legs instead of four.”

Eddie was going to start getting dry eyes with how much his were widening that afternoon. First, you play along with his super mega satan blood cult schtick. Now, you remembered that his painting wasn’t of a dragon but a wyvern. A big difference that not many run-of-the-mill folks would know. A winged lizard thing was a dragon, end of story. Centuries-old folklore be damned.

You stared as Eddie hastily started pulling off his leather jacket and heavily decorated denim vest. He was damn near ripping the clothing off so he could get to the patch of skin on his arm that might impress you a little.

“What the fuck are do-” You started hesitantly. A guy started hauling his layers off. You’ll be a bit on guard even if said guy was Eddie - the apparent big softy.

“That drawing I did. I did a better one last year.” Eddie explained, down to his long-sleeved black t-shirt and quickly yanked one of the sleeves up. The majority of his arm was exposed before you saw it. On the back of his bicep was a hissing, scaly wyvern tattoo. “Can’t believe I forgot where I got the idea for this bad boy from.” He grinned, proudly thrusting his arm closer to you.

You quickly leaned over the empty chair, itching the get a better look at his arm. Tattoos always interested you, and you planned to get one once you got to Chicago next year. They were still illegal to get in Indiana, but it didn’t surprise you even a little that Eddie was covered in ink.

“Dude. You drew that?” You chirped, grabbing Eddie’s arm and moving it so you could see the full wyvern. “This is fucking cool! Did you do the shading and detailing too?”

Eddie could feel a distinct, yet somewhat foreign, heat crawling up his neck. You had his arm in a firm grip, which was skin-to-skin contact. He was eighteen; sue him. He nodded enthusiastically to your artistic questions about that particular tattoo and if he had others.

Neither of you took notice of principal Higgins exiting his office to call one of you inside. He stood there, tiredly watching two of the oddest children he had ever met bonding over illegally done tattoos. After about thirty more seconds of observation, Higgins cleared his throat loudly, causing you and Eddie to flinch back into your seats.

“Good afternoon, students.” Principal Higgins greeted coldly. “Munson, you first. Get moving.” He gestured for Eddie to follow him as he floated back into his stuffy little office. It stank of stale cigarettes and cheap air freshener - to try and cover the cigarette smell.

Eddie raised his eyebrows at you and gave you a little wave as he stood up - collecting his various layers of jackets as he went. You weren’t entirely ready to have your interaction with Eddie Munson finish there.

“Hey?” You whispered, waving your hand to get his full attention. “Good luck in there.”

Eddie only snorted and shot you that genuine toothy grin you had started to like quite a lot. He pointed into Higgins’ office, then at himself, then mimed a noose around his neck. All of it done with a mischievous glint in his warm brown eyes.

You giggled again. Eddie “the freak” Munson was the first person to make you giggle.

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x reader fluff #eddie munson fluff #my writing #fluff #fic #eddie

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