#Irrational Fear Of Home

[strykerlancer]

— Michael Frazier, from “Irrational Fear of Home.”

#Michael Frazier #Irrational Fear Of Home #words #poetry #literature #quotes #out of my collection #lit #abyss of words #quote

[rongzhi]

English added by me :)

#douyin #video #tiktok #does anyone remember that movie with jackie chan where they made those fucked up mutated water bugs bc i think about that movie alot #getting all the moisture sucked out of my body by a swarm of water bugs was an irrational fear of mine as a child #close 2nd behind home invasion where i manage to evade a stabbing by pretending to already be dead but then i get buried alive in the yard #anyway. water bug travel. #or those spiders in mario 64 ig

[lesbianpegbar]

also i didnt post about it last night bc it was like 4 in the morning and i felt deranged but thissss interaction. genuinely destroyed me and i'll be thinking about it forever and ever.

#the way yukio was so so set in his way of thinking that he never once even considered that rin would care about him dying that much #he was so stuck in his mind that he couldn't realize how what he's saying and thinking is irrational #to yukio for his whole life its just been a fact that hes a horrible weak person who deserves to die #the tone of the convo being yukio stating this insane suicidal mantra hes held onto for so long like its fact. like its common sense #and then having that shattered immediately when rin yells out in confusion and desperation. immediately breaking the illusion #of yukios perception of himself his brother and their relationship as one of malice fear and hatred #rin immediately immediately showing how much he loves and cares for yukio #yukio never being able to realize that before bc he never reached out to him until things got this bad. auuuughhhhhhhh #rins expressions here too. ohhhhhhhhh god #fuck. #ANYWAY #this shit hits a little close to home..... siblings....... waugh......... #mine #blue exorcist #tw suicide #suicide mention #just in case

[honeyed-disgraceful]

If you use men's mental health only as a counter argument in a gender disparity debate then you don't give a shit about men's mental health

#do you call your male friends to check in on them? do you tell them to rest when they need to? do you tell them #not to call themselves stupid because it's hurting their self image in the long run? #do you pick up your friends on a bridge at 1am because they were having suicidal ideations? #do you cut fruit for them and listen to their concerns about whats going on in their life? do you make it safe for them to express #their feelings without bigoted judgement? #do you give constructive advice but also let them vent about their irrational fears without making a joke out of it? #do you try to remind them that being violent towards themselves and others is only going to make things worse? #do you walk your drunk male friend home because its dangerous to let an inebriated person walk home alone? #do you pay attention to how many substances your male friend has been taking in an overly short period of time and try to help detox? #do you take your friend on simple hangouts just to unwind and show care about their projects and interests?? #because if you dont then you dont fucking care about men's mental health. #i do this for All of my friends of all genders. care about everyones fucking mental health. all the time. not as an argument but #because you love your peers #you cunts #misc #im pissed

[actual-corpse]

I'm not afraid of becoming disabled for vanity reasons.

I'm afraid because this world isn't built for disabled people.

I'll be confined to my home because of the lack of public transit. Or I'll be stuck having to trust people to go out of their way to assist me.

Airplanes will destroy my expensive equipment.

I might not be able to use public restrooms.

There's nothing wrong with disability itself...

It's the world around us. It's so hostile.

#i dont even think pregnant people have easy access to things #then theres the elderly #like #at my university alone there aren't any reasonably placed handicapped parking spots #wheelchair users need to miss an entire class just to find a bathroom in most buildings #its near impossible to access sidewalks #theres a sidewalk to a dorm that forces rolling aid users to DOUBLE the trip up the walk #because the path doubles back on itself before you can reach the slope that allows you to go anywhere else #i have strong feelings about this #ableism #is absolute bullshit #and it upsets me that disabled people are not thought about until accessibility effects someone who can do something about it #im really sorry #my only personal hangup about becoming disabled is literally just the fear of not being able to do anything l #isnt that irrational? #im afraid of being stuck at home #unable to live independently #i would have to shell out mountains of money for aides #and then #theres the possibility that i wont have any money to live on #im angry #i hate it #i need to do better

[babycactus]

.

#sometimes i get weirded out thinking that ill have a partner and #would be having sex and i wonder how id say no cause most times im not in the mood #but i think its just an irrational fear/thought #bc i havent been in love like that so i dont know how the dynamics kf a relationship work #and im sure when youre married to someone who loves and respects you #it won’t be weird #also i forget that only in romance spicy books do they have sex 20 times a day #and irl its not like that lmao #like i wanna be comf and just be sitting at home without being at each other #i need space or maybe im asexual lol idk #or maybe i don’t feel the crazy need to be in his arms cause i don’t have a him atm #waffles

[blackmoldmp3]

latchkey bitches rise....

#the thought of a ten year old needing a babysitter just for like maybe 6 hours after school is so alien to me #i get it but iwas just at home alone surrounded by empty fields and developing new irrational fears

[mayclair]

the whole max and mike’s lives being foils of each other’s is so insane to me bc its like. for mike max is a representation of everything that could have happened to him if his mom left his dad earlier on (and what can still happen when you look at the way things are between them) and for max mike is a representation of everything that she could have had growing up if her mom hadn’t decided to leave her dad as fast as she did

#there is no way they don’t resent each other for it just a little bit. no fucking way sorry #mike knows max grew up with a shittier home life but still wishes his mom had the guts to do the same her mom did and left his dad bc #at the end of the day there is a little bit of bitterness towards both his parents for not making their relationship work out specifically #towards his dad bc his mom is actually involved in his life and did try to pretend that everything was normal when it wasnt which directly #ties into his desperate attempts to make his relationship with el seem normal to both of them when its not bc theyve both never been normal #they dont even know what normal really IS which also ties in to his very deep fear that the two of them will end up like his parents and so #meday he’ll become his dad and he doesn’t know which one is more terrifying so instead he blocks it all out in True Mike Wheeler FashionTM #and just keeps wishing that his mom left his dad because maybe if there was a distance between them when he was growing up maybe things wou #ldve been different maybe he wouldnt be this much like his dad #max on the other hand LOVES her dad they had one of those relationships where he wasn’t neglectful but wasn’t a great parent either but she #still loves him for trying and while her mom did try she gave up after a while while her dad didn’t. that was the real dealbreaker for max #and while after all this time she keeps saying im going to run away to cali and im going to live with my dad. but its not just the need to #see someone who cared for her the most during her early years its also the childish hope that her mom will notice that shes missing anf #come looking for her and that maybe when her parents finally meet again they can reconcile and get back together bc that is really all shes #ever wanted in her life since she was a kid and she feels bad for it bc she knows that her mom and dad’s relationship was never supposed to #last but she still wishes and wishes which is why that little bit of bitterness against mike will never fall away no matter how irrational #it is bc its like. his parents dont love each other but are still together for their kids. why couldnt my parents do the same? was i not en #ough reason for them? and this ties into her breaking up with lucas over and over again bc shes seen her parents and how they never fought #for each other and shes afraid that somewhere along the line her relationship with lucas will turn out the exact same and hell leave her so #its better to just leave now before it gets serious then later when it will hurt too much but lucas keeps coming back for her which makes #her realize that maybe it doesnt have to be like that maybe they wont be like her parents #anyway this is incoherent as fuck but shane mandej voice IVE CONNECTED THE DOTS #mike wheeler #max mayfield #stranger things

[harmonizewithechoes]

.

#sometimes I think that if the worst happened and I had to do so that I’d be fine living with just my kids and me #but then another fucking bat gets in the house and I’m humbled REAL QUICK #just having an immediate shaking nauseous panic attack as soon as I hear the first squeak #I’m not gonna be able to sleep well after that #thank goodness he was home and knew what was happening and what to do right away because I was gone #I jumped up and shut the door and proceeded to cry #this is embarrassing but I’m so grateful he understands and doesn’t make me feel worse about it #my son likes to say that daddy is mommy’s true love #and while sometimes I feel embarrassed when he phrases it like that #tonight I’m definitely feeling it 💕 #my true love is the person that doesn’t judge me when faced with my irrational fear of bats in the house #I feel so paranoid now though #I won’t be able to sleep for a while and I had to turn off the fan downstairs because every squeak is now a bat in my mind #it’ll be like this for a few days before my brain decides to be normal about things again #what is it like to not be crazy?

[miss-biophys]

A nightmare happened to me.

I am proud that I kept it cool and did not scream nor hurt the spider. 

I probably exagerated its size on the drawing but it seemed HUUUGE!

The fear of spiders is completely irrational when living in Europe but I just can’t help it.

#arachnophobia #spider #nightmare #visitor #nature at home #spider friend #irrational fear #original content

[mx-misty-eyed]

i am so confused

#don’t rb #so like. there’s definitely something wrong with my brain #or multiple things most likely #and i’m trying to figure out what specifically it is #but it’s hard bc i’m kinda hesitant to self diagnose #all for informed self diagnosis ofc but im just doubting myself/have an internalized/irrational fear that i’m faking everything #especially since my therapist keeps diminishing stuff that i tell her #and i asked her to do a screening for ocd and she never did and idk if she forgot or she just didn’t believe me/think it was a big enough #deal where it’s worth getting tested or whatever #and also with the self diagnosis a lot of the stuff that i’m wondering whether or not i have has overlapping symptoms with other stuff #so idk how to differentiate/figure out what it actually is #like i’m fairly sure i have ocd depression and adhd #and prob anxiety too #(apparently it’s not normal to have a set of words that you repeat over and over in your head to calm yourself down) #but also it’s possible some of the stuff i’m experiencing is a sign of bpd and/or bipolar (more likely bpd i think but it could be bipolar) #and also i’m thinking it might be possible i have osdd? either 1a or 1b i’m not really sure #like i feel like i have kinda different personalities for school and home and stuff like that #but idk if that’s just a normal thing where you act differently around different people #<- like obv that’s a thing a lot of ppl experience i think but idk if the extent to which i’m experiencing it would make it osdd #but also idk? it’s possible i have osdd-1b #idk how likely any of this is but #like idk how to describe it #but i think the description sounds mildly accurate at least #like i def don’t have amnesia #and idk #like it’s possible that it’s different system members but #i also don’t know if that’s a thing that’s up for debate? #like if it was then i feel like it would be more apparent #that there’s different system members and stuff #rest of the tags got fucked up check replies

[nexus-nebulae]

i hate when you're like. so aware that a delusion is a delusion. you know its a delusion. you know its not really what's going on. but you still can't convince your brain otherwise

#and i guess if you're sensitive to like. absorbing other people's delusions/paranoias avoid the tags #but like i have this really specific one #about like. the whole being watched constantly thing. but not by cameras or people or actual living things or ghosts or anything #by like. my phone #but not in the 'oh fbi agents are in my phone' way i mean like. i get a really weird thing with photos #where if a person in a photo is staring at the camera i feel like they can actually see me through the photo #not like the person the photo is of can see me through it but like the photo itself is its own sentient thing #i think that's something like POSIC????? i think???? i know nothing about that community thats my surface level understanding #but the thing is with photos on my phone even though they're not currently looking at me i still know they're In There #and because the phone has a microphone too i feel like they can hear me #and i'm. scared of the photos on my phone judging me. #and i've never told anyone this because i know it sounds like a fear a toddler would have and people would think its stupid #and i *know* its irrational as hell but i just. cannot. shake it. i've had this my entire life and it WILL NOT go away #and it like. actually causes problems! it causes distress! it fucks up my life! #because i'm literally just *constantly* paralyzed by the anxiety of having to Look Normal even when im alone at home #like good god masking is traumatic and like. i can't even force myself to unmask at home because i'm scared of my own photos

[saviourkingslut]

something very rotten abt how a friend can become a chore and an obligation who you extend care for and go through the motions of friendship for bc of what they used to mean to you through no fault of their own. and they still feel very warmly for you but unbeknownst to them you can't return the feeling anymore. truly one of the worst things in life

#hashtag personal i guess #had a friend stay over for a few nights bc they needed to go to a multiple day thing in the area #and i have never felt less enthusiastic abt having someone over. i did the bare minimum of being a host #was gone almost the entire few days bc of work and other obligations and i was glad for it #bc every minute being home was grating. #every minute is listening to trauma or doubts or worries and giving pep talks and inspirational speeches #and generally being annoyed abt their conduct and view on life. which is unfair #bc i know they have so many difficulties w/ their mental health #but it's been neigh on three years of me and my internet friend being this other friend's primary line of support #it's exhausting. and my friend is so kind and she gives to people arounf them so much. #but every conversation for three years has mostly been abt. their issues. and i feel more like a parent than a peer at this point #> having to give life advice and talk them out of irrational thoughts and fears and trying to inspire self confidence and help with anxiety #it's not sustainable. for me or my other friend who's part of the support system. but what can you do #i should feel guilty but at this point im just. so done with it i only rarely feel it anymore #nigh* not neigh 💀 #curry rambles

[millesbianforce]

Nothing like my parents refusing to learn the difference between silverfish and house centipedes just so they can accuse me of lying every time I say I saw a centipede!!!

#just because i havent grown out of this fear they think they can accuse me of bein crazy or overreacting #they act like IM the one who doesnt know the difference when im the one with the irrational phobia of centipedes #i know what they fucking look like and goddamn it that was a centipede that ran under the microwave!!!! #idk its stupid but it happens every fucking time #'i saw a centipede' was it a silverfish or a centipede 🙄 IM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT #love love love being made to feel stupid in my own home 🥰

[agnesandhilda]

every so often I think about how my sixteen year-old self would love my current lifestyle just because the place I live in now is safe

#bolo speaks #I used to want to leave home SO BAD because I (rightly) felt like I was under threat there #like my aunt asked me what it was I wanted most in the world and I told her I wanted to live anywhere else (because then I'd be safe from my #dad) which was uncomfortable to say out loud but I didn't want to lie to her #sometimes I'll be in my creaky little dorm bed and think ''I am completely and entirely safe right now. this was what I dreamed of just a #few years ago'' and it's kinda weird ngl #BUT I was soooo fucked up with homesickness when I got to college anyway almost entirely bc I missed my mom. and I'd moved out my childhood #home recently too so I KNOW it wasn't about the house. just the familiarity of having my loved ones in the same city #how the turntables and all that #addition bc I'm still thinking about this: honestly my dorm is even better in terms of safety than my new house in some ways bc it's soooo #geographically distant I know my dad could never ever reach me here. and I don't think my address is easy to find #because sometimes even in my new house that fear he'll find me and End It doesn't really go away. like I still know it's feasible even if #I'm being irrational #but now I am so fuckoff far away it's not even a blip on my radar. stunning spectacular amazing

[dogcollarpunk]

one thing I will be doing is having travel anxiety (woot)

#beef trimmings #its gotten better due to the reptition and relative same-ness of the travel #i.e. going from my uni town back home ive done it multiple times now so its LESS anxiety than if I was #going someplace new but <3 #wow that irrational fear can hit strong its only 8 pm #i say like I only just started worrying about this but Ive been stressing and worrying since uhm sunday #im like ' what if I oversleep and miss my noon train and my evening flight and die' #as if I dont have a history of sleeping like maybe 4 or 5 hours max. before any travel ever #simply bc my anxiety gets so bad #' what if I cant take out the trash n do the dishes in under 5 hours' #ok. be real #I should put on another cffc broadcast and chill the fuck out