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creatvresoftheniight · 4 years

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i got something to lose, so i gotta move -- erica & luke ( @xxourxdestinyxx )

The screech of tyres sounded out every single time she turned a corner far too sharply, the purr of the motor echoing through every single street in Windham, and her hand pulling on the throttle was exactly the kind of exhilaration that Erica had been needing. Her bike, her baby, was so well built and maintained that it hardly mattered if she bumped up onto the sidewalk or rode as rough as she was. The cost to keep the motorcycle in as good shape as it was really was of no consequence to her; her family had plenty stored away and she thanked her lucky stars that she’d been smart enough to save up a decent portion of her own with what she’d been given by her parents and what she’d earned in... other ways. It was best, really, not to delve into the specifics, especially with The Order’s presence looming over the town, and the compounds. But even that hardly mattered as she zipped through the slow traffic, deaf to the yells and beeping of horns that were left behind her already out of earshot for any normal human to hear, shooting down the road. Was this reckless? Absolutely. Could she seriously hurt herself? Almost definitely. And yet, Erica found nothing within her that allowed her the strength to care.

Gods. George should have just taken that fucking shot.

... And then he would have been killed by someone else, who would have been killed, who would have been killed, who... Jesus Christ, this battle between the packs was never going to end.

... No. This wasn’t the time to be thinking about that, or about any of the other horrible encounters she’d endured in the last couple of weeks. She needed to find somewhere to hide away from all of this, somewhere to just... find some respite. Was it too much to ask that she have that from time to time?

She’d been laid up in bed in her private quarters, body sprawled out over the silken sheets and large amount of pillows that were scattered over the mattress, not needing to think too deeply about where to go and who to turn to in this situation.

Luke.

It made sense, after all. Her boyfriend-- yeesh, even now, she still wasn’t totally sure how much she liked calling him that, it made her sound like she was still in high school --was quite simply, one of the only people in Windham she could actually relax around and just be herself for a change. It was one of the many reasons she’d even liked him in the first place as a person-- he didn’t judge or pity her, he was to the point and hilariously blunt at times. Meeting him for the first time had been like a breath of fresh air smacking her rather solidly across the face, and she’d loved it. Someone who spoke their mind without having to worry about walking on eggshells, she’d wanted that for herself. And in a way, she’d gotten it.

Just the same as she’d never intended to fall for Grace, or Matt, or Charlie or George, when she’d first realised she was feeling something for Luke, she’d kicked herself over and over, ultimately convinced that she had absolutely no chance with him and yet still, over and over, she’d drop whatever she was doing to spend time with him. And that first talk-- about each other, about them and togetherness-- it had been so surreal. She’d been steeling herself for a gentle rejection at best, and for him to laugh it all off at worst. For what she had felt and still did feel to be even the tiniest bit reciprocated-- honestly, she’d never in a million years thought it possible. However, despite everything she had thought she knew about the man, and despite the fact that she had herself totally believing that it just wouldn’t happen, it had been Luke who had blurted it all out to her, first.

She could still recall the emotions that had coursed throughout her systems upon hearing him telling her just what he felt, not so much out of disbelief but more... of shock over the fact that he even thought of her in that way, much less to the degree he had described, The resulting talk had been insanely honest and somewhat awkward, the two of them clearly amazed that they’d ended up in that situation-- honesty was something Erica was in no way used to, but she wouldn’t have changed a single thing about what happened. Being so in awe over the fact that he cared for her enough to tell her what he felt for her had stripped away any worry that she might have had in seeming or sounding stupid in saying what she’d been dying to let out for a good while. It hadn’t been smooth, it hadn’t been calm or cute. Rather, in much the same way as he’d done, the she-wolf had blurted it all out in one long, rambling mess of words.

Still, she must have done something right considering the fact that they were still together.

Partners. The thought allowed a wave of comfort to wash over her as she rode on; Luke emanated a special kind of danger that attracted her like a moth to a flame, and Erica... brought.. other things to the table, she supposed? Really, she had no clue what kept him around, or how she’d managed to get so lucky with him but Gods be damned if she wasn’t always grateful for his companionship whether he was her lover or not.

Naturally, their relationship had been kept a total secret from the rest of the town, even from those she trusted deeply. Not because she wanted to hide him away-- that couldn’t be further from the truth, though a voice in her mind protested otherwise. She wanted nothing more than to be able to just be herself, with him, without the fear that he would be used as some sort of tool to keep her in line. With his life and their freedom at stake, the Beta couldn’t in good conscience allow herself to scream out to the rest of the world how much of a damn she gave about Lucas, no matter how tempting it was.

Gods, she really needed his company right now. The full moon was fast approaching and she could never stop her worry over his safety on nights like it, so often sprinting through the forests in an attempt to catch just a hint of his scent and spend the wild night with him. Sometimes she’d find him. Other times, she’d been alone, her wolf keening at the thought of not searching for Luke. But she couldn’t have every full moon with him, as much as she would have loved it, and that was okay. It was okay to be away from the people one cared about from time to time. She didn’t need to smother him, and he was a tough man-- Erica would truly be surprised if he couldn’t handle himself out in the wilds.

Wow, she really needed to see him before then. Now, in fact, as she took another sharp turn down a street, headed for his workplace without much thought put into how she was going to convince him to come along with her. It didn’t matter, she’d figure something out.

Right now, all she knew was that she just needed to be around Luke. He gave no judgement, no pity. Just comfort, from the one person she’d actually managed to hold onto throughout this shitshow. Why he even bothered to stick around, she really didn’t know; Erica had always been too afraid to ask him that particular question, despite the fact that she knew, logically, the rogue wolf wasn’t going to turn away from her. Even after all they’d shared with one another, all they’d spoken about it still surprised her, and she was so unbelievably appreciative that she was able to have him in her life, every single time she was reminded of the fact.

Sappy? Yes. True? Oh-- most definitely. And she hardly cared.

His building came into view, and in true Erica Wright fashion, she popped the bike up onto the mainly empty sidewalk before screeching to a halt in front of the doors, kicking out the stand to support her baby while she sat and pulled out her phone, sending a brief message to Luke to come downstairs and outside before stuffing it back into a deep, protective pocket. And when she did spot him, her chest fluttering ever so gently as she unwittingly grinned (it was impossible to ignore how much of an effect he really had on her, and after all this time, she was perfectly happy not to stifle those emotions), she just couldn’t help herself-- removing her helmet in an exceptionally smooth action, her hair was certainly tousled and tangled from being caught in the damned thing for the last half hour. Still, she allowed herself to reach her free hand upward, midriff exposed as she let out a satisfied groan, then shaking her head to allow her locks to free up just a tad and giving Luke a flirtatious wink.

“Hope you’re not busy,” she called out to him, setting the helmet down on the seat and hoisting herself off of the bike to saunter over to the other wolf proper. No, she couldn’t be too affectionate with him just yet-- soon, though her hands reached out to fiddle with part of his shirt. That’s all I can do. Any more and we raise suspicion. Later, Erica. Later. “Because I was thinking we could ditch today. Take a ride somewhere nice... be alone. Hm? Think you can fit that into your schedule?” Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth as she looked up through her lashes at him and forced herself to hold back a ridiculous grin, her eyes sparkling with a rare happiness that it seemed only Luke could cause to come about as she leant into whisper her next words against his ear, hoping to sweeten the pot just a little more and entice him further; “I’ll even let you drive,” Then, just as quick as she had leant she moved back, playing coy as she, once again, looked up at him-- this time, right into his eyes. “C’mon-- what do you say? Think they can manage here without you for a while? Cross my heart I’ll have you home before curfew.”

#❖ [ ** windham’s finest ⁎⁎ ] 𝓰𝓮𝓷𝓮𝓻𝓪𝓵 #❖ [ ** interactions ⁎⁎ ] 𝓪𝓵𝓵

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jawnjendes · 5 years

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little fighter | shawn mendes

university au, shawn x goth gf

an: this is apart of @fourtristattoos spring fest. i didn’t go with the weekly theme but i did use a few of the prompts from the list provided, and i will continue to do so for this series until the fest is over. honestly, im really proud of this chapter in particular, and it would be cool if ppl read it or whatever. if you like whats going on here, blease check out my masterlist for this series :)

masterlist | series playlist

For someone who acts composed with no fucks to give, I harbor quite a bit of guilt. I've always felt bad about things I did or did not have control over. I came from a good family. My parents never divorced, and they supported me through and through. I was always a good student in school, I even got into not one, but three amazing psychology departments at different universities. I had good friends throughout my life. I loved and lost. I experienced things the typical human goes through, and that was before I moved to Canada.

I was quite lucky. Nothing tragic happened in my childhood or teen years to make me the way I am now.

No, I don't count my abnormal digestive issues as something tragic. It's not tragic. Besides, that started in my early adulthood and yes, I harbored guilt about that too because I was able to manage it without much hassle.

So tell me why my self esteem was so shot that I went after shitty people so they could love me the way younger me imagined. Tell me why I got so depressed before university that I stopped going to work and school. Tell me what I did that made me a nervous stick in the mud. When and why did my brain become my biggest enemy?

This isn't about my not-tragic backstory. This is about where I'm at now. I've done my crying and wallowing. I go to therapy and swallow my pills.

I'm worried this will be perceived as a “she got a boyfriend and now she's healed” trope. It's not that. Like I said, I've done my healing. The fact that I have Shawn now is a very, very fortunate bonus. I know my worth now, even though sometimes I feel like I don't deserve him. I know what I don't deserve, and that's every relationship I had before Shawn came along.

He wasn't ashamed of his own feelings. There was never a moment where he didn’t tell me how he felt about me. He wasn't afraid to tell people that I was his girlfriend. He was all but bursting whenever he talked about our families meeting. I know that's the barest of minimums, but you would be surprised at the amount of relationships I had that were 50% shame and 50% hiding.

Shawn was always going the extra mile for me. If my digestive system was messing itself up, he kept me bed bound at his apartment, and he nursed me back to health. If I was bored to death at work, he would come and visit me after my manager's shift ended. He would drive thirty minutes into town to bring me lunch as well.

Work. That's where this is going. I was sat in my tiny office with Manager Stacy and Coworker Jason, counting down the minutes to my break. It had been a long day, what with customers complaining about $30 oil changes, or telling me their life stories in a rude manner over the phone. I had to smile at gross older men staring down my shirt as they paid for their car service. Stacy was short tempered and tired, so she gave us hell for little things like the printer being out of paper. She yelled at Luca for slouching in his chair, and that prompted him to leave the room. At least he had the liberty to to do that. I had to stay at my tiny window and feel Stacy's third eye burn a hole in the back of my head.

I would have texted Shawn telling him to just take me somewhere for lunch as opposed to bringing me something, but I didn't want to get yelled at for being on my phone. I just pretended to add up gas receipts while periodically looking at the time on the computer.

Somehow, Shawn read my mind. I saw him enter the dealership from my post, and he was empty handed. Typically, he had a to-go bag from my favorite restaurant. He made eye contact with me and smiled, coming up to my tiny window. Before he could say anything, a male voice called his name.

A deep pit formed in my stomach as Luca excitedly came into view. He greeted Shawn with a handshake/bro hug and a “What's up, man?”

Not going to lie, I forgot they knew each other. I forgot that Luca gave Shawn the concept for his song Mercy, even though I skipped that song when it came on these days.

I grabbed my purse from under my desk as I let the two catch up. I told Stacy I was taking my lunch break and then stepped out of the office. I stepped up to Shawn, still feeling uneasy.

“What brings you here, man?” Luca asked him. “Need service on your car? Or are you finally trading that thing in?”

“Nah, I'm just here to see my girl,” he replied as he took my hand.

Luca tilted his head and pursed his lips the way he always did when he was confused. His eyes trailed towards me like he barely noticed I was there.

“You two?” he asked in disbelief.

“Four and a half months,” Shawn replied with a smile.

I couldn't help but triumph in the shocked expression Luca had on his face. I smiled a little bit.

“I thought you were lying about that,” he said to me.

“Why would I?” I asked in return. Then, I walked towards the building exit, dragging Shawn with me.

I'm not one for flexing what I got, but I was particularly happy about Shawn walking me back into the dealership when we got back from lunch. We went for sushi down the street and spent most of my lunch hour in the car. We were still in our own little world, I was genuinely smiling. Other salesmen who worked here had to do a double take because I wasn't doing the typical customer service smile.

We stopped at the door to my office. Shawn planted a quick kiss on me and promised to see me later. I couldn't help but watch him as he walked past the office window towards the exit. I was okay to think about our little world until the end of my shift tonight. However, I was snapped back into reality at the sound of all too familiar words coming out of the all too familiar devil's mouth.

“Fucking whore…”

My smile dropped, but I was ready to roll my eyes and move on. Shawn, on the other hand, stopped in his tracks and turned on his heel. He went up to the window and looked directly at Luca.

“What did you just say?” he asked, leaning on the little ledge. He was smiling, but it wasn't hard to tell that he was annoyed.

“I'm just calling it as I see it,” Luca replied with an all too casual shrug. “She tell you what she got up to before you came along?”

I know I said I was about to let it go… but I ended up barging into the office and going right up to Luca. I grabbed the arm of the chair he was sitting in and forcibly turned him towards me.

“You don't get to do that,” I said loudly, not caring about my professional reputation at the moment.

Luca had an amused look on his stupid face. His dimples showed, and he was trying not to laugh.

“No - you don't get to act like I don't exist and then get salty because I found someone who's way better than you will ever be!” I pointed a finger at him. “You're the last person who gets to call me a whore! You broke the pieces of me that I gave you! You toyed with me for two and a half years, you manipulated and used me and you do not get to call me a whore because I decided I deserve better! You don't get to make any criticisms about my life. Get fucked!”

Silence rang through the tiny office. Jason and Stacy were standing at the back, mouths open. The smirk on Luca's face had vanished, and his face flushed with embarrassment. I was ready to throw hands if he dared to speak.

Then, Shawn spoke. “Let's step out for a second.”

My eyes darted to him. He nodded his head to the side, towards some customers who had lined up behind him. One was a girl about my age who was smiling at the tea being spilled. Behind her was an older couple who looked annoyed at my lack of professionalism.

“Go,” Stacy piped up in her stern manager voice. “I'll help these guys.”

I sighed angrily and went out the door again. I muttered an “excuse me” as I went past the small line of customers and I walked past Shawn. He quickly followed me, telling me to slow down.

“Hey!” He jogged up to me as I stepped outside into the oncoming night. He grabbed my hand to stop me. “Honey…”

I wanted to childishly pull away from his grasp and fold my arms. I wanted to run back inside and drop kick my coworker. Steam was still blowing out of my ears, and I wanted to fucking fight.

“Does he always say things like that?” Shawn asked.

“Yes,” I grumbled, looking out at the shiny new vehicles that were displayed in the parking lot. “That's all I am to him, that's all I've been to him since I broke up with him.”

“And you just let him get away with it?”

My seething eyes now pointed at my boyfriend. I yanked my hand away from his and flailed both my arms as I unleashed another bout of rage. “You think this is the first time I've yelled at him? You think I always just lay back and take it all the time? I'm always sticking up for myself in this god awful place because I'm the bitch who doesn't smile! Nobody here has my back! My own boss didn't even say anything to him! If you think I'm the type to take-”

Shawn quickly held his hands up, trying to calm my hysterical movements. “Okay, okay! I'm sorry. I know you don't take anyone's bullshit. He deserved to get yelled at. I would have done it myself, but you're my little fighter.” He offered a smile.

If there was any special nickname he had for me that wasn't the typical “honey” or anything involving my all black attire, it was that. “Little fighter.” Hearing it helped diffuse some of my anger.

I finally felt rational enough to take a deep breath, calming me down even more. Shawn offered his hand, but I wasn't ready for that just yet.

He thought otherwise. “Please, just take my hand.”

“I am a fighter,” I said, folding my arms. “I did not go through various amounts of bullshit to let some fuckboy tear me down.”

Shawn just looked at me for a moment, then he agreed. “That's right.” He was still holding his hand out. “And you're very cute when you're angry.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know, I wanted to kick the shit out of my coworker, but since you're here…”

He chuckled. “Okay, okay. What I meant is, I'm just glad you know your worth. And seeing you stand up for yourself is probably the hottest thing I've ever seen you do.”

Now I took his hand. “Shut up.”

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes blurb #fourtristattoosspring #shawn x goth gf #ya this was loosley inspired by greys anatomy #and my own personal experience lol

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bloodline-rpg · 4 years

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ELLERY JACKSON // 29 // WOLF

❝ Your blood, your bones, your voice, and your ghost. ❞

_______________________________________________________________________

BIOGRAPHY

Ellery Jackson’s childhood was one that was entirely normal for most young wolves. Despite the early death of her mother, she grew up surrounded by family, a pack, kids that were like her siblings and cousins, and a young father who would have given her anything, despite having little understanding of how to truly be a parent yet himself. She didn’t really know why they had to abruptly leave, when her father said it was time to go to Washington with Bran Devereaux. Ellery didn’t want to start a new pack or go be alone with the adults. She wanted to stay with the family that she knew. But Reed insisted and so they went. Transitioning to the Washington Devereaux Compound meant learning new leadership, new rules, and meeting new people, even as a kid and Ellery shouldered that responsibility well. Especially when her father took in Lucas, a young boy with trouble adapting to his time as a wolf. Lucas and Ellery were dealing with their transition around the same time, despite their small age difference, and Ellery saw that too as a new responsibility, guiding her brother with the knowledge that she had, and the strength of someone who always waited for the day she would transition for real.

Under Bran Devereaux’s leadership the Jacksons were trained into soldiers. Dutiful and hardworking, Ellery took pack life seriously, and even as a young teen set an example for the wolves around her. Reed always joked that she was never like him in that way. She was steady, patient. But the truth was that underneath, Ellery was just like her father in ways none of them had seen yet. An ache sat in her chest, one that drove her toward a desire for freedom, for the family she’d known as a child. And when Ellery was 19, she finally left the Washington Compound to head back for Massachusetts, wanting to go back to her roots, to the people she’d run with as a kid, and hopefully find herself outside of being a soldier.

But the Devereaux Compound that Ellery found in Massachusetts was quite a bit different from the one they had left when she was a kid. Either that or her rose colored nostalgia didn’t hold up to the reality. Brigid Devereaux, now the Coven Leader was ruthless and intense, violent and firm-handed. The kids Ellery had played with as a child like Elias and Kyle were grown now, ruthless wolves themselves with the attitudes that their lifestyle gave them. The real difference however, was a child. A little girl barely over ten years old, that followed at Brigid’s five o’clock like a perfect tether. With the same straight spine and firmly set jaw. And one distinct and important feature; blue eyes that Ellery would have known anywhere.

They were the same eyes she’d seen a thousand times, dancing with passion and fury despite the control her father had learned. Always wide and curious no matter how tired they got. Furious, Ellery confronted Brigid, putting the pieces together of timing and when she and her father had been sent to Washington. She demanded to know the truth, demanded that Brigid tell Reed the truth. She knew her father well enough to know that if he had a child somewhere out in this world, especially one being raised under the hand of someone like Brigid, he’d want to know.

But Brigid didn’t allow for questions. She started with threats, promising Ellery she’d ruin her life if Ellery ever breathed a word about Victoria’s existence to Reed. She’d been living with the lie that Victoria was David’s and intended for it to stay that way. At first, Ellery let it slide. Until she begun to witness the way that Brigid raised Victoria, and become overcome with worry about the kid that had no idea she had a whole family who would have loved her differently. She started trying to spend more time around Victoria, to offer her support and friendship despite the other girl being so young. But Brigid quickly caught on, and the threats came again. Only this time, Ellery made it clear that she wasn’t afraid. That family and loyalty were infinitely more important than anything Brigid could ever threaten her with. And Brigid knew that this was going to be a more complicated issue.

Instead of threatening her further, she simply dragged a furious Ellery up to a tower bedroom and the Devereaux Compound, and locked them in there, in front of a girl Ellery had never seen before, with dark hair and dark eyes. It all happened in somewhat of a blur, Brigid forcing them into a bonding ritual, the girl doing something to her head. And quickly, the blur was even stronger.

Ellery remembered very little of what happened that night, waking up in the wolf quarters with her head heavy and her mind foggy. But any loyalty she felt toward Victoria was gone without her really noticing it. Something else was gone too, though Ellery could barely figure out what. She no longer missed her father, or her brother, no longer had a desire to build relationships within the pack. Ellery simply did her job, fought, trained, became a wolf who stayed in line.

On top of the strange sensation that something was missing, Ellery was also left with the connection in her body to a woman she had never met. Over the years, she thought about it a lot, trying to discern where the connection came from, and who it belonged to. She could remember the dark haired girl in the tower bedroom but when she snuck into that bedroom herself, she’d found it empty. Years later, Ellery was awoken in the middle of the night but true pain and terror. It sat at the back of her mind and made her bones ache. She knew, deep down that something was wrong and so she set out, in the still of the night and tracked down Noah Nicolai as though her insides simply knew how to get to her. She found Noah in hiding, terrified and with a baby. The pain and the fear all began to make sense. And everything else began to make even more sense as Noah explained to her everything that had happened, everything she had done, in a tear-filled, guilt ridden confession that made Ellery’s chest ache.

Noah fixed the broken pieces of Ellery’s mind and with them, Ellery turned back into the person she had always been; loyal, steadfast, dedicated to family and the people she loved. She decided to take Noah to find her father in Washington. Along the way, Ellery and Noah got closer and closer, bound by their desire to protect each other and Salem. Ellery was a firelight in Noah’s much darker world, and Noah the woman who gave Ellery back her soul and her purpose -- even if she had been the one to take it away. And it wouldn’t be the last time she did.

The hunters tracked them down eventually, got the better of them, and there wasn’t much that one wolf and one empath could do. But Noah managed anyway, in Noah fashion, to get herself in the way, to give Ellery just enough time to take Salem and run. It was the hardest call Ellery’s ever made, but she knew in that moment that protecting Noah’s daughter was more important than protecting Noah, that if she didn’t, Noah would never forgive her anyhow. And so she did. The hunters took Noah away and Ellery ran and ran and didn’t stop running -- until she felt the bond break. A few months later in a blindingly painful tearing that felt as though someone were removing her spirit from the inside.

Noah’s death shattered Ellery. But she kept on track, protecting Salem who she considered her own child now, and bringing her straight to her father and brother at the Washington Compound. They’ve been safe there since, Salem able to grow up around the other kids. But it breaks Ellery’s heart to know that the toddler she raised would never know the mother that gave her life to her.

______________________________________________PERSONALITY/TRAITS

Like her father, Ellery is headstrong and independent. And also like him, she cares deeply for family, even when she’s not sure how to shoulder the responsibility of pack and being a wolf. Her priority is always to the people she loves and cares about. She understands their role as wolves, having grown up around it her whole life, and doesn’t disrespect witches. But she does hate humans and hunters for putting them in this situation and will stop at nothing to defend magic from them and keep her child safe.

DETAILS

STATUS: TAKEN

Related bios: n/a

Species/Family info: Devereaux Wolf

Faceclaim: Riley Voelkel

#lsrp #riley voelkel #bio rp #lsrpg #tvd rp #taken

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sand1128 · 7 years

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FanFic: The Fall of Friar

A/N: TRIGGER WARNINGS- Alcoholism, Physical, Mental & Emotional Abuse.

As the child of an alcoholic and someone who has struggled with alcohol in my past, I can tell you without a doubt that it can absolutely destroy people. The effects can have life-long, devastating consequences. Many of you have heard me say that I have “books” & not just chapters of my life that I don’t like to talk about. This is one of them. This chapter has been painful yet cathartic for me to write. While Lucas and his friends are fictional, the premise of their friendship is not. I have 2 “sisters” that have been with me through it all and that are still a major part of my life. I can honestly say that I doubt I would be who I am today without them.

A/N2: As always, I appreciate your patience with the delay in posting this, Focused and the Rucas 365 series.

The next chapter will be Lucas making amends with The Matthews.

Chapter 1- Only the Name Remains

Chapter 2- The Man in the Mirror

Chapter 3- Mending Fences

Lucas takes a deep breath and knocks on Farkle’s door. He knows that this is not going to be easy, that he has a lot of explaining to do but he also knows that he will do whatever is necessary to fix his relationship with Riley. She asked that he make amends with their friends and her family. He decided to tackle their friends first.

“Hello, Lucas” Isadora greets him with a quiet smile as she steps into the hallway, closing the door behind her.

“Hey, Iz. Going somewhere?” Lucas asks Farkle’s former arch nemesis now loveisis.

“I’m going to step out for a bit so you can speak freely with Farkle and Zay.” Izzy explains.

“Before you go, I owe you an apology too Izzy. I don’t know how to explain what…”

“It’s quite alright Lucas. You don’t have to explain. I accept your apology. Now get in there and fix this…then fix things with Riley. I don’t like it when Bubbles isn’t bubbly.” She explains as she leans forward and presses a kiss to his cheek. “With the exception of the last few months, you have been a good friend to me, Lucas. So, I’ll let this one pass” Lucas smiles as he watches her walk down the hallway. As he turns back to knock on the door, he notices Farkle standing there.

“Hey, Farkle.”

“Lucas” Farkle acknowledges him with a nod and turns to enter the room.

Lucas follows him into the room, hopeful that once he walks back out, it will be after fixing his friendship with the men he considers his brothers.

Lucas is dismayed but not surprised by the lack of welcome in the room. He quickly decides to break the ice.

“Guess, I’m not so perfect now, huh?�� Lucas asks trying to diffuse some of the icy tension in the room.

“Perfect jackass maybe” Zay mutters under his breath staring at his feet.

“What was that Zay? Say it. Say everything you need to so I can apologize and begin moving past this” Lucas implores.

The room is silent for a mere moment but to the 3 men in that room? The silence seems to last forever.

Just when Lucas gets ready to speak, Zay raises his head and Lucas feels his heart stop. Never has his best friend, his brother, looked at him with such murderous intent…almost hatred on his face. With that single glance from Zay, Lucas feared that his fall from grace may have destroyed more than just his relationship with Riley.

Zay couldn’t recall a time he ever wanted to purposely hurt Lucas. Pushing him about his non-decision in high school was child’s play to what was about to happen. Some may question his methods but if his friendship with Lucas was going to survive what’s happened over the last few months he needed to know without a shadow of a doubt that the Lucas HE knew was still in there. That Lucas knew that none of them would be so willing to forgive and forget should anything along these lines happen again. Zay knew in his heart that HE would forgive Lucas, he was his brother after all, but he also knew that he would destroy anyone, including his brother, who threatened the happiness of one Riley Elizabeth Matthews. He had told Lucas that he loved Riley in high school but that pales in comparison to what he feels for her now. Just like Farkle had become like a brother, Riley was his sister and at the heart of it all, the holder of his best friend’s heart.

“I said you’re a perfect jackass. After everything, you have done for me over the years…after having my back since grade school… you really thought I wouldn’t be there for you when you needed me? That’s crap and you know it. If that’s how you truly feel, I think we need to reassess our friendship because it sounds like you don’t think of me as your best friend anymore”

Lucas was stoic. He knew Zay was hurt and the only way they would get passed this is to let him vent that hurt.

"Though I guess maybe I wouldn’t have been there. You know since I was holding Riley every night when she cried herself to sleep. Crying because she didn’t know what had changed between you. To make you choose NOT to be with her anymore. To NOT love her anymore. All that sweet talk you spewed about her being your favorite person to talk to and you didn’t even talk to her about any of it. Now you expect us… me… her… to just forgive and forget? I put my happiness before yours once… back in high school when I pushed you towards the other one in the hope that you wouldn’t be so consumed and I would get my best friend back. I learned my lesson. Watching you & Riley back then was painful but this? This has been torture. Listening to her heart break and knowing YOU were the cause? I should beat the crap out of you.” Zay snarls as he frantically paces the room.

Lucas closes his eyes and clenches his hands in an effort to contain his emotions.

“How could you man?

What happened to the guy who agonized over telling everyone that it had always been her? The one so afraid of hurting her that he was damn near paralyzed with fear? You sure had no issues hurting her this time around…. did you? Hell man, you didn’t just hurt her you damn near destroyed her! Tell me…. look me in the eye right now…man to man and tell me where the hell my best friend disappeared to? I’ll ALWAYS have your back Lucas… you’re my brother but damned if I don’t want to hurt you right now. Do you know how much it took for me not to hunt you down?” Zay is relentless. Barking out question after question without giving Lucas a chance to respond. He knows that he has verbally stabbed him and has twisted the knife but he also knows that there is this one chance to fix everything.

“The nights I held her while she cried wondering what she did wrong? How all the plans you made and dreams you had were gone? How you planned your future together? How she just knew you would be an amazing dad to your kids because your dad taught you how NOT to parent? She convinced herself that it was all her fault. That you realized that you didn’t want to live in Rileytown that…”

“STOP. JUST STOP!” Lucas pleads as he falls to his knees, tears running unchecked down his face.

Zay stops his frantic pacing and quietly demands, “Where did my best friend go Lucas?”

Lucas remains on his knees. Outside of the demand that Zay stop, Lucas hasn’t uttered a sound.

“Just tell me Lucas… tell me and I’ll leave it alone.” Zay pushes hoping with all his might that this was the right thing to do.

“I was losing control… I didn’t know how to stop it…. I was becoming him.” Lucas explains in a tortured voice as he jumps to his feet.

“Him? Him who? Damn it, Lucas. I need to know why you broke my sister’s heart!” Farkle demands tired of Lucas’s silence.

“I couldn’t do that to her. I couldn’t! I would kill myself before doing that to her” Lucas is functioning on auto-pilot, completely lost in his own head. Farkle is shocked at seeing this side of Lucas…shocked and admittedly a bit scared by the vacant look in his eyes.

“Lucas. My brother. You are not him. You could never be him” Zay speaks softly but strongly as he slowly approaches Lucas as if he were a wounded animal.

Zay wraps his arms around Lucas and pats him on the back. “I promise you, Lucas. You are not him, could never be him.” Zay explains patiently his own eyes full.

Farkle feels out of place. He desperately wants to demand answers but doesn’t want to cause Lucas any more distress.

Lucas steps back from Zay and Farkle is stunned by the desolate look on his face.

“Lucas Friar… when we were kids, we pinky swore to always have each other’s backs. You have always had mine, let me return the favor. I swear to you, Lucas. You could never be a monster like him”

“Like who?” Farkle involuntary whispers.

In an agonized voice, far different from his usual drawl, Lucas explains, “My father. I was scared I was becoming a monster like my father.”

“Lucas, I had no idea.” Farkle murmurs quietly in response.

“The only one who knew all the details was Zay and that’s because we grew up together. It wasn’t as easy to hide it from him. He heard the rumors, saw the physical effects…”

“The not so visible ones too. That’s why I don’t get why you didn’t talk to me, Lucas. Why you didn’t tell me that you felt you were losing yourself. Remember when Riley’s Uncle Eric told us “Lose one friend, lose all friends, lose yourself”? The thing is…you didn’t lose us, Lucas. You pushed us away.” “I felt like I had to” Lucas replies quietly “Why?” Farkle asks softly “Since I’m 7 my life has been about protecting the people I care about. I don’t know how to protect any of you from….” Lucas trails off. “From who?” Farkle tenses as he waits for the answer In a tortured whisper Lucas replies “Me”

Farkle hands Lucas a bottle of water and sits on the chair opposite of him. Zay, sitting next to Lucas, is still trying to come to terms with what just transpired.

Lucas is exhausted…mentally, physically and emotionally. Once he admitted that he was worried about how to protect them from himself, he felt as if a 2,000lb weight had been lifted from his chest. He figures it must have subconsciously been on his mind long before he went off the rails. He looks up and meets the concerned stares from his friends.

“I was 7 the first time he came home drunk. I hid under my bed and listened to him yell at my mom. The next morning, it was as if it never happened. They were both smiling. I convinced myself that I must have been hearing things. A few months later, he came home from fishing with “the boys” and he was falling down drunk. This time, it was in broad daylight, around supper time.” Lucas pauses for a moment, lost in his thoughts.

“That was the first time he hit her. He smacked her across the face because the food wasn’t on the table when he got home. From that point forward, any time he came home like that, I would stand in front of her. Told him that Pappy Joe said, “A real man never raises his hand to a woman.” Nothing happened the first time I stood there. But soon after, I bore the brunt of his rage. Don’t get me wrong, he was always a hard-ass but once he was drinking? He was a vicious, abusive hard-ass. The kids in school would say horrible things about my parents, about me, that I started fighting all the time. The last fight I had, the one that got me kicked out, a jerk went after my mom and then Zay. I was at my breaking point by then. I had been dealing with everything for years and I finally snapped. Normally, once the other guy fell, I would stop swinging. Not that day, that day I threw myself down on top of him and kept punching. It took Zay, Dylan, and Asher to pull me off of him. I don’t know how I didn’t break anything. The school called Pappy Joe and Grammy Lou to come get me. There was a hearing 2 days later and I was expelled.” Lucas sighs

“The look of disappointment on their faces still hurts. That summer, my dad got transferred to New York. I begged to stay behind in Texas but my dad was adamant that his family stay together. He stopped drinking for a year or so, guess he wanted to make a good impression on his new bosses. Once he started again, he changed his MO. I had been working out for a few years at that point, so he knew that I was strong enough to hold my own. Instead of abusing with his hands, he did it with his words. He would tell me that I was a disappointment. That I was the reason he had to move to NY. That he couldn’t believe he raised such a worthless son.”

The room was silent for a moment while they each absorbed what Lucas said.

“Hey, Lucas?” Farkle quietly breaks the silence.

“Yeah, Farkle?”

“You said only Zay knew all the details which means someone else at least knew some of them…” Farkle trails off.

“Mr. & Mrs. Matthews knew,” Lucas replies staring at the floor.

“Whoa. You told them?” Farkle is taken aback by that statement

“Mr. Matthews kept me after class one day and said that he noticed that I was struggling with something. I think he honestly expected me to either blow it off or blame it on something silly. At that point, I knew I needed help. I needed to talk to someone. I wanted to be the guy you all knew. The guy who wanted so desperately to deserve someone like Riley. I started my story and then he asked me if he could ask Mrs. Matthews to come join us. I explained everything to them. All of it. The ugly, the uglier and the ugliest”

“What did they say?”

“They listened, made sure I knew it was not my fault, that I wasn’t worthless. Then Mrs. Matthews found someone for me to talk to. They promised not to tell Riley about any of it and they didn’t. They did tell me that if they ever felt that she was in harm’s way, they would tell her.”

“No Lucas, they didn’t…. but you should have.” Zay explained, “That girl would’ve done anything for you.”

Lucas gets nauseous when Zay refers to his relationship with Riley in the past tense.

“I know I should have. I had a handle on things or at least I thought I did.”

“What happened?”

“My classes were a lot tougher than I expected. I think I was failing Anatomy and physiology and barely getting by in Animal pathology and parasitology. The stress was killing me. Bean and I hardly saw each other. Between full course schedules, my pledging the fraternity and her sorority stuff, there just wasn’t enough hours in the day. About 6 months ago, one of the guys in the frat was telling me how he would have a shot or 2 before class to help him stay calm and not get so stressed. I thought I could handle it. Thought it would be an occasional thing. Just something to take the edge off. Never imagined that I would need it every day.” Lucas explains

“What about Riley? How did you hide it from her?” Zay puzzles.

“It was so rare for us to spend any real time together that we had to schedule everything in advance. I just made sure I didn’t have anything a few hours before seeing her. That night at the frat party, the guys were giving me a hard time about Riley. They couldn’t understand being tied down at this age. Couldn’t imagine why I would “limit” myself when there were so many choices. By the time, I saw Riley that night, I was completely wasted and had convinced myself that they could be right.” Lucas looks up at the sound of a water bottle being crushed. Zay has the mangled bottle in his hand.

“They could be right?” Zay demands

“I was drunk, Zay. Had I been sober, I would have laughed in their faces. I don’t remember much about seeing her that night, the guys said I was completely out of character and acting like an ass. I don’t even really remember the right hook from Josh. I woke up on my dorm room floor completely mortified at how I treated Riley. I was going to call her that morning and beg for forgiveness.”

“So what happened? Why didn’t you?” Farkle demands to know

“Some of the guys came in with the “perfect cure” for a hangover. Once I started, I couldn’t stop. I was drinking before every class, getting wasted every weekend at the frat party. It was about 2 weeks later when I punched a hole in the wall in my dorm room. I was angry over something trivial and I put my fist through a wall. At that point, I thought maybe I was more like my dad than I originally thought. From that point on, it was a cycle. I was either drunk off my ass, depressed because I missed you guys or heartbroken that I lost what could’ve been, and was likely, the love of my life. I was spiraling out of control and was deathly afraid that I was becoming my dad. I couldn’t do that to her she means too much to me so I stayed away. When I saw her at the costume party 2 weeks ago, it was like getting struck by lightning again. My heart started to race as soon as it sensed she was near. I knew then that I had to get her back. She told me that if she was even going to consider that a possibility, I would need to make amends with you guys.”

“So why did it take you 2 weeks to reach out to us?” Zay questions

“Take your pick. Fear, embarrassment, worry. The morning after the party, I called my advisor and he helped me find someone to talk to. I’ve been meeting with them 3 times a week and I will be continuing to meet with them for the foreseeable future. So, now it’s up to you guys… am I forgiven?”

Zay and Farkle look at each other and nod their heads slightly. They both stand and walk over to Lucas.

“Yes, you are but if you ever think that I won’t have your back again? You will see MY Texas side come out. Texas Zay will make Texas Lucas look like Beary the Bear Bear.” Zay concludes as he pats Lucas on the back.

“I forgive you too, Lucas. I don’t have a Texas side but I do have access to untraceable cash. People like me? Pay others to have Texas sides.” Farkle smirks as he releases Lucas from a Bro hug.

“So, what’s next?” Zay asks as he resumes his seat.

“I have to make things right with The Matthews…. especially Auggie. After that? I have to hope that Riley can find it in her heart to forgive me. I’ve learned a lot these last few months. I learned that while I can exist without her? I don’t want to.”

#rucas fanfic #the fall of friar

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