#ya this was loosley inspired by greys anatomy

[jawnjendes]

little fighter | shawn mendes

university au, shawn x goth gf

an: this is apart of @fourtristattoos spring fest. i didn’t go with the weekly theme but i did use a few of the prompts from the list provided, and i will continue to do so for this series until the fest is over. honestly, im really proud of this chapter in particular, and it would be cool if ppl read it or whatever. if you like whats going on here, blease check out my masterlist for this series :)

masterlist | series playlist

For someone who acts composed with no fucks to give, I harbor quite a bit of guilt. I've always felt bad about things I did or did not have control over. I came from a good family. My parents never divorced, and they supported me through and through. I was always a good student in school, I even got into not one, but three amazing psychology departments at different universities. I had good friends throughout my life. I loved and lost. I experienced things the typical human goes through, and that was before I moved to Canada.

I was quite lucky. Nothing tragic happened in my childhood or teen years to make me the way I am now.

No, I don't count my abnormal digestive issues as something tragic. It's not tragic. Besides, that started in my early adulthood and yes, I harbored guilt about that too because I was able to manage it without much hassle.

So tell me why my self esteem was so shot that I went after shitty people so they could love me the way younger me imagined. Tell me why I got so depressed before university that I stopped going to work and school. Tell me what I did that made me a nervous stick in the mud. When and why did my brain become my biggest enemy?

This isn't about my not-tragic backstory. This is about where I'm at now. I've done my crying and wallowing. I go to therapy and swallow my pills.

I'm worried this will be perceived as a “she got a boyfriend and now she's healed” trope. It's not that. Like I said, I've done my healing. The fact that I have Shawn now is a very, very fortunate bonus. I know my worth now, even though sometimes I feel like I don't deserve him. I know what I don't deserve, and that's every relationship I had before Shawn came along.

He wasn't ashamed of his own feelings. There was never a moment where he didn’t tell me how he felt about me. He wasn't afraid to tell people that I was his girlfriend. He was all but bursting whenever he talked about our families meeting. I know that's the barest of minimums, but you would be surprised at the amount of relationships I had that were 50% shame and 50% hiding.

Shawn was always going the extra mile for me. If my digestive system was messing itself up, he kept me bed bound at his apartment, and he nursed me back to health. If I was bored to death at work, he would come and visit me after my manager's shift ended. He would drive thirty minutes into town to bring me lunch as well.

Work. That's where this is going. I was sat in my tiny office with Manager Stacy and Coworker Jason, counting down the minutes to my break. It had been a long day, what with customers complaining about $30 oil changes, or telling me their life stories in a rude manner over the phone. I had to smile at gross older men staring down my shirt as they paid for their car service. Stacy was short tempered and tired, so she gave us hell for little things like the printer being out of paper. She yelled at Luca for slouching in his chair, and that prompted him to leave the room. At least he had the liberty to to do that. I had to stay at my tiny window and feel Stacy's third eye burn a hole in the back of my head.

I would have texted Shawn telling him to just take me somewhere for lunch as opposed to bringing me something, but I didn't want to get yelled at for being on my phone. I just pretended to add up gas receipts while periodically looking at the time on the computer.

Somehow, Shawn read my mind. I saw him enter the dealership from my post, and he was empty handed. Typically, he had a to-go bag from my favorite restaurant. He made eye contact with me and smiled, coming up to my tiny window. Before he could say anything, a male voice called his name.

A deep pit formed in my stomach as Luca excitedly came into view. He greeted Shawn with a handshake/bro hug and a “What's up, man?”

Not going to lie, I forgot they knew each other. I forgot that Luca gave Shawn the concept for his song Mercy, even though I skipped that song when it came on these days.

I grabbed my purse from under my desk as I let the two catch up. I told Stacy I was taking my lunch break and then stepped out of the office. I stepped up to Shawn, still feeling uneasy.

“What brings you here, man?” Luca asked him. “Need service on your car? Or are you finally trading that thing in?”

“Nah, I'm just here to see my girl,” he replied as he took my hand.

Luca tilted his head and pursed his lips the way he always did when he was confused. His eyes trailed towards me like he barely noticed I was there.

“You two?” he asked in disbelief.

“Four and a half months,” Shawn replied with a smile.

I couldn't help but triumph in the shocked expression Luca had on his face. I smiled a little bit.

“I thought you were lying about that,” he said to me.

“Why would I?” I asked in return. Then, I walked towards the building exit, dragging Shawn with me.

~

I'm not one for flexing what I got, but I was particularly happy about Shawn walking me back into the dealership when we got back from lunch. We went for sushi down the street and spent most of my lunch hour in the car. We were still in our own little world, I was genuinely smiling. Other salesmen who worked here had to do a double take because I wasn't doing the typical customer service smile.

We stopped at the door to my office. Shawn planted a quick kiss on me and promised to see me later. I couldn't help but watch him as he walked past the office window towards the exit. I was okay to think about our little world until the end of my shift tonight. However, I was snapped back into reality at the sound of all too familiar words coming out of the all too familiar devil's mouth.

“Fucking whore…”

My smile dropped, but I was ready to roll my eyes and move on. Shawn, on the other hand, stopped in his tracks and turned on his heel. He went up to the window and looked directly at Luca.

“What did you just say?” he asked, leaning on the little ledge. He was smiling, but it wasn't hard to tell that he was annoyed.

“I'm just calling it as I see it,” Luca replied with an all too casual shrug. “She tell you what she got up to before you came along?”

I know I said I was about to let it go… but I ended up barging into the office and going right up to Luca. I grabbed the arm of the chair he was sitting in and forcibly turned him towards me.

“You don't get to do that,” I said loudly, not caring about my professional reputation at the moment.

Luca had an amused look on his stupid face. His dimples showed, and he was trying not to laugh.

“No - you don't get to act like I don't exist and then get salty because I found someone who's way better than you will ever be!” I pointed a finger at him. “You're the last person who gets to call me a whore! You broke the pieces of me that I gave you! You toyed with me for two and a half years, you manipulated and used me and you do not get to call me a whore because I decided I deserve better! You don't get to make any criticisms about my life. Get fucked!”

Silence rang through the tiny office. Jason and Stacy were standing at the back, mouths open. The smirk on Luca's face had vanished, and his face flushed with embarrassment. I was ready to throw hands if he dared to speak.

Then, Shawn spoke. “Let's step out for a second.”

My eyes darted to him. He nodded his head to the side, towards some customers who had lined up behind him. One was a girl about my age who was smiling at the tea being spilled. Behind her was an older couple who looked annoyed at my lack of professionalism.

“Go,” Stacy piped up in her stern manager voice. “I'll help these guys.”

I sighed angrily and went out the door again. I muttered an “excuse me” as I went past the small line of customers and I walked past Shawn. He quickly followed me, telling me to slow down.

“Hey!” He jogged up to me as I stepped outside into the oncoming night. He grabbed my hand to stop me. “Honey…”

I wanted to childishly pull away from his grasp and fold my arms. I wanted to run back inside and drop kick my coworker. Steam was still blowing out of my ears, and I wanted to fucking fight.

“Does he always say things like that?” Shawn asked.

“Yes,” I grumbled, looking out at the shiny new vehicles that were displayed in the parking lot. “That's all I am to him, that's all I've been to him since I broke up with him.”

“And you just let him get away with it?”

My seething eyes now pointed at my boyfriend. I yanked my hand away from his and flailed both my arms as I unleashed another bout of rage. “You think this is the first time I've yelled at him? You think I always just lay back and take it all the time? I'm always sticking up for myself in this god awful place because I'm the bitch who doesn't smile! Nobody here has my back! My own boss didn't even say anything to him! If you think I'm the type to take-”

Shawn quickly held his hands up, trying to calm my hysterical movements. “Okay, okay! I'm sorry. I know you don't take anyone's bullshit. He deserved to get yelled at. I would have done it myself, but you're my little fighter.” He offered a smile.

If there was any special nickname he had for me that wasn't the typical “honey” or anything involving my all black attire, it was that. “Little fighter.” Hearing it helped diffuse some of my anger.

I finally felt rational enough to take a deep breath, calming me down even more. Shawn offered his hand, but I wasn't ready for that just yet.

He thought otherwise. “Please, just take my hand.”

“I am a fighter,” I said, folding my arms. “I did not go through various amounts of bullshit to let some fuckboy tear me down.”

Shawn just looked at me for a moment, then he agreed. “That's right.” He was still holding his hand out. “And you're very cute when you're angry.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know, I wanted to kick the shit out of my coworker, but since you're here…”

He chuckled. “Okay, okay. What I meant is, I'm just glad you know your worth. And seeing you stand up for yourself is probably the hottest thing I've ever seen you do.”

Now I took his hand. “Shut up.”

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes blurb #fourtristattoosspring #shawn x goth gf #ya this was loosley inspired by greys anatomy #and my own personal experience lol