#Im still gonna be up doing school work but still

[bluelotuswrites]

hi <3 so i’m on my like 5th reread of red is the color of sinners and i know the term rent free has kind of lost its original meaning now, but when i say i think about this fic series CONSTANTLY, i need you to know i think about it daily. i genuinely think i’ve thought more about this fic and it’s universe more than any other fic i’ve ever read :’) that being said i have a couple questions!! so i know you have a lot planned for this series and i was wondering when jason knows matt is DD and starts helping him out more on missions and stuff like we’ve seen him start doing as his guy in the chair, do you think if they were doing field work matt would learn tactile signing to communicate with jason? i feel like that would be sooo cool to see and also it feels like another step of trust between them with how almost intimate the act of needing to physically touch someone or even hold their hand to communicate is. also as someone who is also obsessed with hellblazers apprentice, im curious if you’ll drag constantine into this fic? i’m not sure if you think he would really have any place in this AU, but it would be fun to see a little cameo, i love their dynamic. anyways i have so many thoughts about this series, i sometimes just bounce it around like a ping pong ball in my head throughout the day and i can’t wait for more! <3

You have no idea how long I was reading this ask. Legitimately, I was laying on my bed and kicking my feet while giggling like a school girl.

As for your first question, in field work is gonna be a bit ;)

Tactile signing (which I did not know that was it's proper name was so thank you for that bit of info!) would definitely be something that Matt and Jason would use. Honestly, how I see their ways of communicating is very diverse. Later on, it'll be revealed that Matt can pick out some signs thanks to his enhanced senses, but they have to be ones Jason does a lot, don't have a lot of nuance requirements (ex. smaller motions or an expression), and it's still a mix of context clues (i.e., conversation topic, others' responses to them, etc) when he's translating them. Otherwise, they'd use tracing when they're close by. Matt and Jason would also use morse code to communicate (Matt has to learn it and Jason has to kinda relearn it/brush up on it).

As for your second question, I may or may not have some ideas I've been toying with...

Here's a lil snippet as a thank you for the ask.

(Rough draft atm so ignore that it's not up to my standards >_>)

#jason todd #batman #dc #red hood #red is the color of sinners #dc comics #my fanfic #matt murdock #daredevil #netflix daredevil #marvel mcu #mcu #marvel #nmcu daredevil #daredevil show #john constantine #hellblazer's apprentice #hellblazer comic #hellblazer #jason peter todd

[soppsop]

i just rememberd adhd meds exist and now im upset because i could have that if it wasn't for that freakin neurologyst we went to see that told us it was impossible that i could have adhd because i have good grades in school. literally the ONLY question he asked me and immediately said it was impossible. we spent like 5 minutes there. he could've at least... explained something???? anything?????? and now i'd feel bad about asking my parents to see another neurologist because that costs a lot of money :((

#now im just unable to concentrate on anything and feeling very worthless #ok gonna start rambling here a bit #vent? -> #i'm just not good at anything except drawing. everything is hard and i don't think i'm capable of getting a job and contributing to society #in any way except drawing. my self worth is being held almost entirely by my ability to draw. #but i'm also incredibly slow and unproductive and it's so hard sitting down and starting a drawing and finishing that drawing #drawing is the thing that makes me feel alive and feel good about myself so when i can't draw i just feel really awful #i just wish i could concentrate and work and be productive man. why do i have so much stuff going on in my brain. why is everything so hard #sadge 😔😔 #ok gonna try to draw i hope something cool comes out or i'm throwing my computer out the window and playing videogames #oh also another neurologist once told me depression can't be caused by school #i'm pretty sure it can but idk im not a doctor #what is up with these neurologists man #i know it's gonna get better tho. life might suck but i *am* a teenager and it's only gonna go up from here. #im still learning about myself and stuff. also no school next year that's gonna be awesome #don't wanna end on a sad note bc life is good actually #and i'm fucking amazing at drawing

[silenthillbunni]

🧸🧃⛈️

#so like late last night i started to get rlly panicky nd upset #bc it's v much looking like im gnna fail my english class. i need to be done next wednesday which means i need to work rlly hard #nd go to school extra to have a presentation nd do tests etc etc #nd im still in pain after surgery nd im rlly depressed bc of my physical health so i just dont think i can be strong nd make it this time #in my almost breakdown i wrote a self referral to the clinic/psych department for personality disorders.... #it usually takes them around 2 days to answer you but this time at like 8am they sent me a message AND called me #(i think. im not certain it's them bc i havent checked the voice message or the reply lmaooo. but it should be them) #the thing abt having avpd is now im immediately stressed af nd i regret sending it. i donr wanna check their reply #also it might be bc i wrote a lot abt killing myseld etc etc nd now im worried theyre gnna be like girlie get checked in!!!! lol T-T #i just needed to be very clear nd act frsutrted nd desperate bc i have never gotten treatment in 10yrs nd im TIRED!!!! #my initial reaction is to avoid at all costs nd just pull my covers above my head nd pretend like i dont have to check their reply lol #i dont wannaaaaaa. i take it back i dont want help!!! its fine i dont wanna try or work hard let me rot #why did i do this!!!!! fml. anyway... i'll check later today bc since its early i can still use the excuse of sleepinf thru the days #many ppl working w mentally ill ppl understand that it's normal actually to switch the day around nd sleep during the days sksksk #but also i have no idea how many typos r in here bc im not wearing my glasses whoopsie #yeah.. anyway im gonna try to go back to sleep nd not think abt it #hopefully it wasnt even them calling 🤡 i know i HAVE to check later but not now i can take a few hours #then today i need to figure out if im gnna make one last attempt w my eng class or give up idk what to do

[skitskatdacat63]

Lmfao my mom was getting on me abt not having enough to do this upcoming semester so I decided ah okay I'll add another class. And that's perfectly fine. But the one I picked results in the majority of my schedule being generally unaffected and still lax, but my Thursday being absolutely fucked.

For reference, on every other day I'd spend like less than four hours in class/commuting(anywhere from zero hours to almost four), but Thursday, its almost 9 hours combined 😭 which is like fine with me, but I think ill despise thursdays after this, AND MY BIRTHDAY IS ON A THURSDAY :(

#she doesnt like the fact that im practically free on Fridays #<- online class that doesnt meet on that day #so ah i hope this balances out sjkfkflg #the way scheduling in my school works has such a weird affect #my mon/wens/fri are gonna be so chill and then tues/thurs is just....something #it makes it worse bcs one of my classes only takes place for a section of the semester #and that class is mon/wens so im only gonna be online after that #though i still think ill have to meet w that professor bcs there is in fact reasoning for that class to be so short lasting #but tues and thurs is just stuff that ill never get any reprieve from lol #four classes in one day. we'll see how it goes 🥰🥰 #also thurs will be interesting bcs i will have two classes just abt middle eastern politics #i came across a class on the arab-israeli conflict and wanted to take it bcs its obv very relevant rn #and then the one i just scheduled is also abt middle eastern politics so i really am going to be thru the ringer #not that its a bad thing at all!! i just mean its interesting how relevant this semester will be and how im just getting intensely informed #anyways i think the way i schedule would be a nightmare to anyone else #i try to schedule every class after 12(or 11 at least) so then all of them are crammed right after one another #and i wake up an hour before class and leave myself that meager time to get ready and commute lmfao #my friend asked me when i eat lunch. and im like uh ;;; never? 🥰 #lol dw i do eat but like i treat my time on campus like how can i pack this as densely as possible #i dont like sitting around by my lonesome it makes me depressed dhfkkg #also i think i will actually kms with all the writing im goong to have to do this semester #that is my reasoning to my mom abt why she shouldn't be pissed at my supposed lack of activity #like im taking so much thats emphasized with writing. dont worry i will be in fact budy #*busy #catie.rambling.txt

[tendebill]

[wip]

school's been killing me so i've been inactive and will continue to be inactive in the nearest future. i can barely find the energy/motivation/time to draw for myself, but here's a little seph wip ive started today out of sheer desperation to draw SOMETHING lol

#anyway to draw this i had to ignore working on both of my diplomas #+preparing for next week overall and an animation assignment :3 #gonna lump all of my responsibilities on tomorrow and hope i can do it all in 1 day #also i hope im not sick #would suck if i was sick #i might be getting sick #the only thing ive been capable of is playing ow2 and writing gay fanfiction for it in my spare time #cuz even if i have a less intense school day im still exhausted cuz of the public transit #not to mention SHOUT OUT TO WEDNESDAY I LOVE WEDNESDAY #I LOVE HAVING A 1O HOUR SCHOOL DAY MHM #7am to 4pm that shit must be violating some regulations or rights idk #but the people in charge of our schedule are basically like lmao cant do anythin about that sorry #deal with it #and also this is the lite version of my schedule #cuz i have 3 hrs less than im technically supposed to have cuz the fucking photography teacher wont show up for work #and im lowkey hoping they cancel photography altogether this year for my sanity #also ive been kinda artblocked since the beginning of september #also also im lowkey hating my own art again #im just unhappy with my art #i wanna enjoy drawing and i wanna draw a lot but i just cant #plus ive been having trouble with drawing anything besides faces #like my anatomy is outta wack and its messing with me #i cant even draw characters without getting frustrated that its either just their face or a shitty attempt at a cool pose #everything i draw feels bad or uninspired #anyway #wip #tendebill ocs #tendebill art #personal #life update

[ouchhq]

>:(

#i need to vent a little im sorry pls ignore this if u are bothered by my thoughts #SH tw !!!!!! #this morning i was supposed to have my weekly therapy session but i had to cancel bc my mom got covid and obviously stayed home from work #and i do online therapy and i didnt feel comfortable doing it with my mom around but i really needed to do it tbh #and then my professor replied to my email with all of the things ive been working on since august and didnt say anything about the material #he just asked to call me on the phone tomorrow and i started to spiral…. like Spiral with a capital s #even now thinking about it my stomach sinks bc i have this feeling that his feedback is going to be negative and i just know my #barely existent self esteem is going to break and idk what im gonna do with myself then #this afternoon while i was spiraling all i wanted to do was /hurt/ myself. i kept thinking that i wasnt good enough and i had done a #horrible job.. so bad that he couldnt even tell me by email but needed to do it on the phone and i felt like throwing up and i couldnt get #/​that/ thought out of my head and i could only cry #and all of this not even actually knowing what my professors feed back is going to be because this is just all in my head #but i was talking to my school friends and they were like oh its gonna be fine even if he doesnt like it u can still put the project in ur #portfolio hes not even our professor anymore and so on #and i kept saying that i knew that but i just could not handle that sort of feedback and rejection mentally #i was telling them that i knew i would crumble if i got real negative feedback and i was terrified of that and they just couldnt get it and #idk it made me feel really lonely #im a bit calmer now but i feel so depressed #i am really anticipating something that will hurt really bad

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#just an observation bc im avoiding working on stuff but i draw a lot and post basically everything i draw thst gets finished #and its v funny to me how u can tell how out of focus i was based on the quality of the drawing #or like when i post something and its like ok some of that was good but u def gave up halfway thru one of those lol #inconsistency i funny like that. its also funny to me that now a days i get comments like COLORS!!! #which is funny bc i notoriously haaaaaate coloring. like i will sit around whining and complaining when im home with my parents bc i dont #wanna color. its just so easy to fuck things up when u draw traditionally and it takes a million years so its a big ask lol #but i guess i dont hate is so much right now bc i kinda just slap whatever colors i want together like fuck it we ball #and thats kinda fun. reckless i suppose #its agony when u wanna try to do shadows and lights tho. like finding references ugh #or wanting to draw big ideas but then its like oh god its gonna take so long and if i dont do it all in one sitting i might die #im a lil better abt thst now bc it would b impossible but in my head i still hate it #ugh. all i wanna do is draw. theres another universe where i went to art school. or just like took art classes. and i wanna say id b happier #but thats def a lie XD i like learning too much and i dont have the attention span to hardcore learn genetics outside an academic #environment. and i got way too excited abt exploring the genetic traits of my cyano species #like i can make genetics trees for traits and look for. fuck. i forgot the word. how tf did i forget the word. oh god. horizontal gene #transfer. jesus christ its like theres a hole in my brain. well. i guess i did get only like 4hrs sleep. ugh im rambling. #i need to finish getting ready for Monday so i dont have to tomorrow and ill have time to draw. prob wont stop me feeling nauseous abt #teaching tho. OH FUCK. i just remembered i have a new office space now to decorate. fuck i need to hang up pictures and stuff #what would b the funniest way to put narut0 on my deskspace? idk ill have to think abt it. oh god im not ready #my head is like a handbell. one of the big ones when u ring it and it hits soft and u can feel the vibrations. someones wrung my head lol #unrelated

[deancaskiss]

highlight of the day today: the cranky pessimistic doctor actually said really nice things about me today. I had been asking him questions all day and giving my thought process behind things and my theorized diagnoses and then he let me do a cat neuter today and let me close up another amputation and he wants me to do a spay later in the week… but the real highlight was when we were in surgery and he was asking me questions to test my knowledge and then i asked him a question about his suturing and he was impressed with my knowledge and he called me “intuitive” and said I was “precise and mechanical” (probably because im a hands-on learner and because i like to run through everything I’m doing and do things systemically and he noticed all of that about me in just 2 days and he thought i had good approach) and he repeatedly said he thought i was going to be a good doctor/surgeon and he’s seen students on rotations that he knew wouldn’t be good at the job but he has no concerns about me and said i had good skills and instincts and he was sure about me 🥹

#oliver talks #vet school adventures #literally me trying not to tear up in the OR because he said such nice things #like i asked him why he was doing certain throws with the suture and he was impressed that i noticed he was only doing 2 throws #and he mentioned it was because the suture was a different material than PDS (the normal go-to where we do 4-5 throws) #and he said he does 2 throws because it has good memory and at the same time I said ‘good tensile strength’ and he looked impressed #then he called me intuitive and said i was precise and mechanical (but in a good way) #like he was impressed with the way i approach things and because im hands-on with learning i work through things in my head as im hands on #like i will be coaching myself through it mentally as im doing ti physically #and its like he’s noticed my thought process and the way i work and he was impressed with my approach #anyway still crying about this because after the internal med doctors said crap things in my last review and said i wasnt ready to be a vet #and then this ‘real world’ doctor who’s cyanical and disillusioned turns around and says he has confidence in me and thinks im a good vet #that means literally a million times more than anything else ever could #like its this huge difference from doctors on campus in a education setting being overly critical and harsh #and then an actual real world practice practioner basically sang my praises today in his own cranky way #yeah thats like the biggest compliment ever #because its like he’s so honest and brutal about things he doesnt sugar coat anything #so the fact he said those nice things to me today. i know that was genuine and real because if he doesn’t like something he makes it known #but ive impressed him. me. i did that. i impressed the doctor today. #dont mind me im gonna cry now #now i gotta watch all the spay videos again before i do surgery in front of him this week so i can impress him (dont wanna disappoint him)

[odysseys-blood]

trying to give myself little grace about not feeling up to do anything at all for months when my entire last year of school i felt like i wanted to throw in the towel and kms daily and its probably that all that stress has just rebounded and needed time for me to process through it and feel it at a normal rate instead of super compounded daily but it still. barely helps because time doesnt stop for anyone and im just not supposed to have time to get myself together even if its smthn that should take me a long time

#like god they hated us huh #every other major and school were allowed time to work on their thesis and stuff before senior year and all ours #was supposed to be done senior year #not even the whole thing we were supposed to be done with the majority of it in the first semester #i wasin classss until 7 pm half the week and too exhausted to do anything after #and then havingnto set up and do our own gallery om top of that #and the pieces for it too #and it was jus. a constant barrage of stress and anxiety and i shut down easily #and i think im still feeling through the effect of that being an entire YEAR but i feel like im not allowed to #and i canf voice this to family bc im just gonna sound lazy #its. augh. #and adding on classes wnere we had to rush everything for a few final credits #bc teachers werent hired until halfway through the semester and then they still gave the whole semesters worth of work #and its like i dont like this i do wanna do smthn with my time #i wanna work its just #the worlds scary it feels like every day theres stuff that like #should be workd stoppjng but im supposed to just keep going #idk. idk

[bootyful-seventeen]

damn i might be getting a root canal on friday the 13th if they can't save my crater of a cavity by trying to fill it the regular way

#if i was on mobile i would be putting in so many skull heads rn #like damn but yea i went to the dentist today after not going in a few years since i got busy with work and school and covid #so it pushed dental to the back burner and im also finally gonna get my wisdom teeth removed after my birthday so yahoo for me!!!!! #my mom said i should do it before but i had a tiny bf about it since im going out with my friends and i want to have spicy food on my bday #and spicy food is on the no no list for wisdom teeth removal from what i rememer. its all soft and not spicy and possibly bland #so im lik hey i dont want to be miserable with pain for both halloween and my birthday since that is the highlight of my year #and id rather be miserable closer to christmas cuz its not a fave holiday and i dont like the winter much either #so i seem to be a bit masochistic and want to be extra miserable during the winter lmao #but this dentist even asked me if i wanted braces to make my teeth a little straighter to close the gap and all i could think was damn #my old dentist was never that thorough with the exam and just did cavities and wisdom teeth and thats about it #my mom was adament i get braces cuz she said i had hella crooked teeth but i think mine look fine and kinda cute and gives it some characte #but i will say that ive never gone to a dentist where the tv was bolted to the ceiling cuz i could hear a tv playing in my room and thought #that they covered the tv with a painting for aesthetic until i laid back and there is some real estate show on above me #but its so smart tho cuz most people or at least people with good vision will focus on the tv and move their head #but if its on the ceiling then you are just looking up and not getting in the way of the denist #especially since a little kid under 8 was there and was sitting so still in his chair cuz the tv was above him lmao

[that-jack-kline-bestie]

im feel like im gonna throw up i did all that and i still failed the class

#its not failing im worried about #its that i have to get a job to pay my mom back for the money for the class #i cant handle that on top of school i literally cant ill break again #i cant even go to school every day without being worn down to my bones #i seriously dont have it in me im still crawling out of burnout and major depression #maybe i can do stuff when i can like mowing neighbors lawns and itll eventually add up #god i dont know how im gonna live as an adult either #one night of insomnia and a full day's work and i almost had a meltdown #im so scared i dont know

[dawntheduckrb]

They put me downstairs at work :(

All thumb healing progress was undone in one evening apparently. It actually felt mostly fine on Sunday, until after work. They put me in an area I'm rarely sent to on Sunday evening, and I had to do a ton of heavy lifting. My arms are sore but it's like a post-exercise soreness (painful, but still very normal). My thumb felt fine allllllll day today, until I started to draw. Even with breaks, it still feels super tense, and now it's hurting even when I'm not using it. I'm gonna take that as a sign to stop for the night lol

I have one drawing I want to finish before school starts back up, because I'm worried it'll distract me if I don't have it done before then. Of course, if my hand prevents from finishing it, I'll manage, but that'd suck :')

On a lighter tone I feel very strongly about this cat in a blanket I found, I don't know why it amuses me so much but it's such a mood

#for those of you who dont know; i work at a package sorting/distribution center #I'm normally in the small package team where people who can't constantly lift stuff go (i have double curve scoliosis and back hurty) #but they moved me downstairs to a truck loading area to help the people that are normally there #most packages come from a series of overhang chutes and I didn't have to do anything with them #but everything thats too big/heavy/oddly shaped comes down a seperate larger belt system #these have to be manually sorted #my job was to take a barcode scanner and find a barcode on each package #then a little printer i was holding would make a sticker w/ that package's destination after i scanned its barcode #the thing is #those packages got up to 80 lbs and sometimes the barcode label was on the very bottom #i had to flip quite a few packages in a hurry because that belt does not stop while I'm printing the stickers #i guess between holding the barcode scanner and flipping over ridiculously heavy boxes #i completely destroyed my thumb again #splatoon didn't give me a problem today but i guess i dont really use my thumb much for that game #and even still #i took a whole four hour break between that and trying to draw #and i didnt even draw for that long #but now moving my thumb hurts worse than it did last week #idk what im gonna do when school starts :/ #this is where i'd say 'crying and sobbing atm' but im actually starting to tear up holy shit #wanted to post a drawing tonight but i cant finish it :') gonna grab some chocolate and curl up into a ball instead #will also try icing my hand tonight #i have also memorized those hand exercises and they are my lifeline right now

[tendebill]

update: i am becoming more and more sick as we speak

#kinda makes sense tbh considering ive allegedly been around two sick people for like a week now #and by allegedly i mean definitely #but still picture me doing the shocked pikachu face #or like the confused tom from tom and jerry face #whichever you prefer #anyway yippie if i get worse im not gonna go to school and im gonna get some work done maybe unless i collapse #like maybe i could wrap myself in a blanket and take my tablet and work on the posters in peace or draw ocs or work on my- #animation assignment some more #finally a good excuse to stay home #and im only half joking #if i still could do school online i would #not having to use public transit saves me so much time and energy #anyway hoping i dont wake up tomorrow dying but also i will embrace that possibility if it comes #but also i could force myself to go to school even if im sick and push thru #but also like maybe i dont want to make other people sick?? #anyway #personal

[testing-reblogs]

D3molish.

#i don't like this thst much but itssss ok? #ive fought with this drawing for over a month and restarted it at one point bc the perspective wasn't extreme enough #and its still not enough now auughgh but im gonna post it so i can get myself to draw other things #its supposed to be a perspective from the ground looking up but #i wanna talk about him so bad and i was gonna do it here but im tired<33 #i need to write the plot outline but im still not used to just making a post randomly talking about my ocs #ill get over it one day but i have a lot of stuff (mainly school work) to deal with so im not in the mood #oopss this turned into me ranting anyways rise and grind #stole the title from Splatoon can you tell I've played too much side order #portal 2 #portal #portal oc #vampire core

[anotherpapercut]

hey what do you do about the intense feelings of dread and anxiety when you think about getting a college degree and also when you think about the alternative (not getting a degree)

#literally wish so bad i had parents i could live with. i feel like it would make this all feel more doable if i wasn't like #also worrying about making enough money #um anyway i was offered a promotion at one of my jobs but it would mean coming in an extra day and working more hours #and this is my first time taking classes in a while and its just been difficult to keep up w everything already #but the job seems really cool. and pays more #and like i could do less than full time school but its already gonna take me at least 3 years going full time #and im fuckin 24 im already older than half the people in my classes im afraid to be 30 and still unable to pursue the field i wanna pursue #not that thats old or anything i just. im ready to move on with my life. i want to move away so fucking bad #and i dont see many ways to do that without at least a bachelors

[possiblytracker]

damn. i really thought i already had the "youre probably never going to see any of your uni friends again after you move out this really and truly is the end of the most vibrant and healthy irl social life youve ever had. and likely will ever have again" breakdown done and shelved but i spent today hanging out with a few friends from my course who are leaving this week to say goodbye and i dont. know how to process it completely. im trying to make the most of everything while im still here but every interaction feels so bittersweet it's genuinely gnawing at me

#vent/ #this is probably not the last time i will have this crisis either. right up til graduation. itll keep happening over and over again #i had a miserable social record all through secondary school im not exaggerating when i say university literally taught me how to #make friends and open up to people in places that werent the internet (or having it pried out of me by more enthusiastic people) #and now its like. ah. right. thats over. where do i go from here. #late june through early august is gonna be completely fine i just need to not lose my mind until then #but after that.. well i am not having a great time thinking about it #living on my own seems miserable but i dont know anyone in This country well enough to make roommate plans #and. well i will stop here before i talk myself into a spiral but man. this is why my social energy is still through the floor #i love my online friends to death but the past few years have taught me everything is so much better with a varied diet as it were #i will not Die if i have to go back to 24/7 discord recluse im very grateful to have good friends in my puter #but god. i will miss Seeing people. very very badly #im sorry i know not responding to messages seems counterproductive rn but. idk i have a lot of wires crossed;; #ill work it out eventually #im the cheetah threatening to go insane in captivity i need someone to put one of those dogs in my enclosure/j