#IM IM VERY SEVERE PAIN DON'T TOUCH ME | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jewishvitya · 5 months

Note

I just wanted to thank you so much for all of your insight and generosity with your perspective as an anti-zionist israeli, something you absolutely don't owe us but I feel immense amounts of respect and admiration for. from an American jew, it's been so valuable to know there are people like you out there, it's made everything feel much less hopeless despite all the hopelessness. I've felt very alone recently, surrounded by all the Jewish people in my life who are pro-israel and don't seem to grasp the gravity of the situation and my pro-palestine gentile friends, and I've felt very alone in my grief as I've only really started to unpack and dismantle my own biases very recently. reading your posts and your perspective on everything has just made me feel very seen as a jew in this situation, especially as I try to reconcile my feelings about everything going on with my own feelings about my faith and my identity.

you've probably seen that I've gone through a lot of your posts and that I've followed you. i just want you to know that I'm not necessarily following you just for that, I know you're just a fandom blog, it's just that after looking through your posts I feel like you're just a really nice person and seeing yoi on my dash from you would be endearing coming from you even though im not into it myself.

just. thank you again for sharing your story and continuing to share. you have no idea how much it's helped me.

I'm in tears. I've been crying way more than usual over the past couple of months, but it's nice for a change to have those tears to come from being touched instead of grief. I apologize if I'm going to ramble.

You say I didn't owe you all this, but I do feel responsible. I'm watching so much destruction and seeing how comfortable people around me are with the loss of life. This is why I've been talking about what we do and not as much about the impact of October 7 on me or people I know. I did a bit of that in the beginning, but pretending it was the start of everything to keep going back to that one day, after two months of horror, as if I can't count past 7... I didn't choose to be born where I am, I didn't choose to grow up in the most extremist community this place has to offer. But since I'm here, since I'm comfortable at the expense of Palestinians and violence is being done in my name and I have the tools to highlight issues within my society, I think it's a moral obligation.

I know how I talk about things here, and that's genuinely because I don't want to minimize the severity of the racism and the nationalism in Israel. And someone perceived my words as showing hatred for Israelis. But... I love my people. I don't expect those who see or experience our violence to feel the same or even understand me, but I do. It's my neighbors and my childhood friends and my family. It's children I see playing outside and getting excited when they see I have a cat, and the random people who stop me in the street and give me directions if they think I look lost.

Even growing up in the West Bank settlements, the people were very good to me. I needed years to internalize the fact that this kindness doesn't get extended to you if you're not part of the in-group. It broke my heart. It still does. Seeing people who I know are capable of kindness and compassion, hardening themselves against the pain of other human beings. Closing their eyes and telling themselves it isn't real. It's all an act.

I told a friend I feel like I'm betraying my mom, who was deeply bigoted, but also a wonderful mother. She taught me a lot of the principles that are guiding me now - I just took down the walls she put around who deserves to be considered. She'd be horrified with seeing the things I'm saying if she was still alive. But she taught me to care about people, I just decided it means all people.

Everyone should be prioritizing Palestinian liberation, and at the same time, I care about this too. I care about the morality of my people. I need us to be better than this. I want to dismantle the nationalism that teaches us hate and violence so we can start to heal and come to terms with what we did (and still do) here. I want us to fix what we can and hold ourselves accountable. I want us to reimagine safety in a way that doesn't cause harm, and build good relationships with the rest of humanity. Every marginalized community is experiencing bigotry in interactions with every other community, that's just how these things work. But I believe healing the world, and healing my society, is possible.

And it's hard, because so much of what we learn is rooted in truth. Antisemitism is real. Millennia of persecution are real. The trauma we carry is real. If the idea of an ethnostate makes us feel safe, and the idea of losing it makes us scared, how do we differentiate between fear as a natural reaction to antisemitic violence and fear that was taught to us for the sake of nationalism? Especially those of us living in Israel, immersed in the propaganda. It doesn't matter in practice, our feelings of safety or fear don't justify an ethnostate, especially not one built on top of another nation, but it matters for the conversations I have with people.

And I said that the violence I'm seeing feels like an attack on my identity. Seeing a giant hannukiyah in Gaza, when Hannukah tells the story of occupied people fighting off their oppressors. Seeing images that echo so much of the horrors that were done to us. The Magen David being used with hate and spite. It's all so painful. And I love this land, it's the only home I've known, so seeing us destroying nature and soaking it with blood and calling that connection?

Judaism does guide me here. The concept of tikkun olam. The idea of לא עליך המלאכה לגמור ולא אתה בין חורין לבטל ממנה - doing what I can, even if what I'm able to do isn't some decisive blow that entirely turns the tide. The idea that every human being is a whole entire world, to me it means that every single person alive is worth fighting for. So no matter how much death I see, there's still worlds more to save.

And Jewitches had this post that felt just healing to read. Nationalism hijacked our culture, and it will always leave a mark for centuries into the future. But I'm not letting go, and I'm not letting that create a rift between me and thousands of years full of history I can be proud of.

I feel your grief. And I'm grateful for the anti-zionist Jews I met by talking about this, because honestly, I need you people in my life. The pain and the anger are both easier to hold together.

So, thank you for following. I might follow back, just to see you around on my feed. And thank you for sending this. Feel free to message me anytime for any reason (I promise it won't result in a lecture every time).

Also, your url gave me pjo nostalgia

#riki babbles

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hiskillingjar · 4 months

Note

your girlfriend to dyke posts make me crazy im crawling up the wall i love tjemmm transfem lawlaw... Slobbering... Fat butch strade ... Im going crazy. girlfreak ren.... mwah. Perfection. when u can please Please write more.... you are the only one on this website with such a huge Massive brain for girlfriend to death writings...

YOU ARE SO WELCOME!!!!!!!! this ask got me drooling like a dog thinking about dykes to death, so YES more of them <333

continued lesbicious daddy kink usage ahead and typical btd nastiness. maybe cw for femcel girlfreak misogynycore in ren's too (g-d forbid a woman does anything)

🥀

"Nghh…hah…"

You groaned softly as Law pressed her fingers into your mouth, feeling each worn callous (she'd quit the warehouse weeks ago but her hard-working hands would never go away) rub against your tongue.

The metal of the ring gag was a little painful on your sensitive teeth and the tight leather strap binding it inside your mouth was pulled to its very tightest around your head, but you didn't have the voice to complain about it now.

Especially not now, while you were drooling into her palm.

Lawrence smiled serenely down at you, as beautiful and detached as an angel was to a human being, as you were reduced to a drooling, incoherent mess in front of her. She slowly took her fingers out of your mouth for a moment to look at their hand; not too surprised to find it all dampened with spit.

Then she looked at you again, trying not to smirk.

"…I think someone's enjoying themselves." She murmured quietly, rubbing her fingers together, feeling the sticky wetness of your saliva clinging to her pale skin as it pooled down her wrist and arm and ran down her sleeve.

"Ufff…"

Any potential words came out in a wheeze and a cough, your face flushed with embarrassment as you tried to beg for her mercy with your gaze alone, a mercy you wouldn't come close to receiving.

Lawrence's gaze shifted from her fingers and back to you, and her eyes never left yours once they were there.

"You're a mess…" She said quietly, leaning forward on her knees (her skirt riding higher up, exposing her tight stockings) to where you were bound, your limbs reduced to useless appendages with a severe amount of duct tape, like they had been amputated at the elbow and knee. "I'm honestly not quite sure if I should be turned on or a bit disgusted. Maybe I'm both…"

She brought her palm to her own mouth, then, and your nose wrinkled with silent disgust as she dragged her tongue along the puddle of drool you had left on her palm, moaning wetly at the taste of you as it spilled down her throat.

Law couldn't resist a slightly airy titter at the look of your face, as she drank up your spit and licked her lips as she did it, like she was indulging in a delicious meal.

"Oh," She said, smiling in a cold way that didn't touch her eyes. "I see. I disgust you, don't I?"

You didn't have the chance to react before she leaned in even closer, gripping your shoulders tightly (where your clenched fists were forced to) and bringing her face close to yours. Her tongue trailed along your spread lip, leaving more spit in its wake as it went. You tried to pull back, despite how tightly you were bound, tried to protest or shout out pleas for help, but your gagged lips simply trembled as she dragged her tongue around the gaping maw your mouth had been reduced to.

"Mmm," She moaned, delicately lapping away a string of spittle that joined your lips. "I didn't know you were the type to shy away when someone touches you….I'm sure that wouldn't be an issue if it was anyone else…maybe it's just me you don't like, hm?" She hummed softly, sweetly, eyeing you through her blonde lashes. "Is that it?"

"Upff…" You wheezed, unable to reply in any thoughtful way.

"Do you want to know why I brought you here?" She then asked, her eyes drifting down your bound body, her hand sliding along the collar of your shirt as she tilted her head curiously.

"Hah?" You looked at her beneath your half-lidded, hazy eyes, your toes curling where they had been tied behind you.

"It's because I want you." She said, leaning in to run the bridge of her nose along your trembling jaw, pressing her hand beneath your shirt and feeling the bulky padding of your bra. "I want you so badly…do you want me too?"

"Ah…"

"No, no, you're right, you can't answer that yet." She said slowly, solemnly, with a slight frown as she continued to toy with the collar of your shirt. "So, I know you can probably guess what comes next…right? I've already got you bound…and you're covered in all this drool. We should get you cleaned up."

"Upff…" You grunted in alarm as she stood to her feet and stepped away from your helpless body, her long skirt swishing back down around her ankles, to find a pair of short, pruning shears from her desk of repotted plants and supplies.

Her placid, angelic smile only grew broader as she looked at the shears in her hand and then looked back at you with that same intensely cool gaze.

"Don't worry sweetie, I'm just going to cut away everything cold, that's covering you." She said softly, her voice a gentle and matronly shush. "Just relax. You'll feel much better once I do, I promise. Just try to relax…"

Swallowing hard (the best you could around the metal ring) you stayed as still as you could manage as she slid the cool, metal shears down the front of your shirt and began to cut away the fabric with the sharp snip-snips of metal and shredding cloth

Her breath caught in her throat as the shirt fell off in damp tatters and she saw your bared skin, sticky and wet with drool and spittle.

Law then slowly slid the sheers back up the front of your trembling sternum, all the way up the bottom of your bra, careful to not cut you in the process. She took in what seemed to be a deep breath and gradually cut through both straps of your bra before reaching back to release the hooks keeping the padded cups closed.

You let out a little grunt of discomfort, your cheeks blazing and your head going a little foggy, as your heavy chest sagged downwards and she removed the bra completely from your body, tossing it to the side so that she could see you fully, with no obstructions.

"Do you know how good you look to me right now? How perfect this is…"

Law leaned in slowly again, setting her shears to the side and slowly, gradually, palming her hardened cock through her skirt. She kept her voice as soft and as gentle as possible like she was trying to entice you and not scare you.

Like she was trying to seduce you.

"You're my little doll right now…my little doll that I can do whatever I want with…"

🦊

"What are you up to?"

You rested your chin casually on Ren's slim shoulder as she stared ahead at her computer, backlit by her colour-changing LEDs and the warm glow of her desk lamp, so wrapped up in what was playing on it that she barely even acknowledged you were there.

Ren was weird, in the hot and cold games she liked to play with you.

She went through all the effort of kidnapping you and keeping you in her house, keeping you dependent on her, and yet, she didn't even care enough to pay attention to you when you actually wanted it.

Usually, she would have been ecstatic to have you draping over her, needy and desperate, but not tonight.

"I'm watching a show," She replied a little curly, shrugging you off of her and glaring at you over her shoulder, an eyebrow raised as she tilted his head, her LEDS shifting the a pale blue. "You don't normally hang around my room. What gives?"

"I'm bored, Ren." You complained, just as curtly, toying with the fuzzy point of her fox ear before she swotted at your hand idly. "Is that so wrong?"

"Well, I'm watching this romance anime, so…don't come near me, I need to see this next scene." She said, slightly more aggressively than she probably meant to, and from what you saw, it looked like the episode was nearing its climax.

"Well, what anime are you watching?" You then asked a little tersely, letting out a dejected little huff before sitting on the side of her bed with your arms crossed, watching the screen, feigning interest.

"Shh!" She shushed, sitting forward in her seat, her tail wagging. "This is a very important scene. It's a confession, y'know, the entire show has been building up to this. She just confessed to her!" She muttered under her breath, glancing over at you. "So, can you shut up for a minute?"

"Jesus christ," You mumbled with a slight roll of your eyes and an exasperated chuckle.

"What?" She asked, narrowing her own at you, her ears tipping back, (colours changing to purple).

"Do you realize how much of a NEET you sound? Watching lesbian porn-"

"It's NOT porn-" She interrupted you, raising her voice and pausing the video.

"Whatever," You interrupted back, throwing your hands up. "You're watching pretend girls kiss when you have a real girl half-willing to do shit with you! It's pathetic."

"Well…well," Her cheeks flushed a furious pink in response to what you said and she gritted her sharp teeth angrily, trying her best not to show how much your comment (very obviously) made her blood boil. "Maybe I'd want to do stuff with you too if you weren't such a fucking prude!"

"Excuse me?" You gaped, brows furrowed. "A prude? You're calling me a prude now?!"

"Yeah!" She then stood up with a mean and challenging smile, her ears tipping forward and her tail straight as she stepped closer, intimidating despite her diminutive height. "You really expect me to want to get with you now when it's always you who rejects my advances? You make me sound like a…a," She flounders a little, still red-faced and angry despite her smile. "A disgusting, desperate pervert. No wonder the last boyfriend you had dumped you."

"You are a desperate pervert," You replied through grit teeth, keening back on her bed. "And at least I can date someone. Not kidnap any random girl and hope she learns to like me back."

That was a low blow, you had to admit, but that didn't stop her from replying with a bitter laugh.

"Date someone? Is that what you call settling for guys who probably only want sex from you and will leave you the instant you refuse to do what they say?" She grinned, placing a hand on your bare thigh. "I think you're the pathetic one."

"You sound like an incel," You replied, crossing your arms tighter and frowning (not pulling away as her hand crept higher). "Not a cute look, Ren."

"You know, it's not my fault that no guy wants to stay with you," She replied with a slight tilt of her head, condescending and cruel. "Maybe you should be less bitchy and more compliant."

"Oh, cus that's what you'd want, isn't it?" You replied with a flat look, as her LED lights shifted to pink. "That's why you watch your dumb little, girl's love shows. You want a girlfriend until she starts acting like a person, right?"

"Uh huh," She smirked sardonically without even a touch of shame, her claw toying with the hem of your shorts. "I want a girl to want me back and not complain when I do something she doesn't like. That's what all guys want, too." She scoffed, glancing up at you then and taking your face in her hand, squishing your cheeks and digging her claws into your skin.

"Mph!"

"And really, your looks aren't that bad. I mean sure," She turns your face with a scrutinous look. "You have a face like a mouse…and you have a flat chest. And you're kinda fat, and not even in the cute, cowgirl way." She prodded your chest with her other hand. "But I'm pretty sure if you stopped acting like a prude, a guy might actually like you."

You didn't say anything as she kept a firm grip on your cheeks, turning your face to and fro, not noticing when it started to blaze a bright red.

"Heh, hit a nerve didn't I?" She smirked, bringing her face closer to yours. "Or maybe you should stay with me if you're not going to put in the effort to be a proper girl, hm?"

You made an uncomfortable noise, low at the back of your throat, which made her laugh a mean, yipping, fox-like cackle.

"You know, you're almost cute when you're angry." She joked, before letting go of your cheek and giving it a mean little slap, making you whimper and yelp. "Not that cute, though."

"So, why even keep me here then?" You murmured hotly, eyes flitting to the side and biting your lower lip. "If I'm not even cute, if I'm not what you want…"

"Because you're my property, silly." She said like it was obvious, tilting her head with a wry smile. "Besides, who would care about having my sloppy seconds?"

Your face went a darker red, and you clenched your hands into tight fists in your lap. You couldn't say anything to defend yourself.

Maybe you were the pathetic one after all.

"Yeah, you're really letting me do a number on you. Masochist that you are, hm?" She grinned, her tail wagging a little more. "I can't wait to see what I can get you to do."

🔨

"That's a good girl, my good girl…"

Strade leans in close, her voice dropping to a breathy murmur with a satisfied chuckle, running a hand through your hair as you knelt at her feet (her boots were slightly muddy at the soles, the leather tips scuffed, begging to be looked after) like a well-trained dog.

"You'd be a fantastic little housewife one day, fraulein, I'm sure of it. You're that obedient and eager to serve anyone who raises their voice at you already!" She laughs meanly, ruffling your hair. "For now, though, best to keep you as my little pet plaything, hm?"

"Nghh…" You groan softly as she presses closer to you, her voice low and syrup-sweet, her discomforting warmth radiating off of her and filling you with desire as you tremble and shake despite it. "Uh-huh. Yeah. You should."

She bites her lower lip to hide a broader smile, a hungry groan almost catching in her throat. You can feel the radiating heat in her body, her own desire for you, when she presses even closer, her heavy chest pressing against your bound arms (handcuffed, she didn't have the attention span for anything else), giving away, instantly, that she was not wearing a bra.

You felt your core tighten, with just that little piece of information, coyly eyeing the deep plunge of her cleavage and a dark areola poking out above her low neckline. One of her boots slides between your legs and presses against the front of your panties, and it makes your body tighten further.

"Mmph, god…" She rasps, the hand in your hair turning into an uncomfortable grip as she winds the length of it around her palm and pulls your back straight, rising her leg to press the tip of her boot against the wet patch in your panties as she does so. "Say that again, say you're Daddy's sweet, little plaything…"

It feels good that the obsession is mutual, as she roughly grips your hair, making your scalp tingle and a shot of pleasure run down the length of your spine, and handles you like the plaything she said you were.

"I'm Daddy's little plaything," You say, your voice a little giddy as she holds you tighter, her free hand reaching around to roughly grope your backside. "Mph! I-I love being Daddy's plaything!"

"Yeah, you love it, don't you?" She murmurs hotly, breathing raggedly in your ear as she holds you in a tight grip that makes you almost gasp for air, palming your ass and pulling your face up to meet hers, so you can see her hungry smirk, her deep smile lines, and soft crow's feet. "You love being my little toy, good girl? Du liebst zu dienen, ja?"

You can see a sadistic king of excitement growing in her golden eyes, as her accent grows thick and dangerous, and your cunt is throbbing for it.

"Say you're my toy, say it." She demands, giving your ass a slap before groping your curves some more, pressing more weight between your legs and rubbing your cunt, torturously slow.

"I'm your toy," You gasp with a little shriek, your tone desperate as she growls her pleasure into your neck, as her big hands span your waist, your hips, your thighs, dirty nails digging into your skin, leaving you with marks you would treasure. "Ngh, I'm your toy, Daddy!"

"You're my toy, that's right," She breathes hard, giving you another slap and listening to you yelp. "You're mine. Mine, mine, mine."

"Mmhmm," You whine needily with a dreamy smile as you climb onto her lap with trembling legs (secretly delighted that she let you do it without pushing you away), covering her soft jaw, her neck with hot kisses. You want this, you want her, as much as she wants you and further. "Yours, yours, yours…"

Her hold tightens as she pulls you in, pulling your scarred legs around her full waist. Her fingers detangle into your hair, running down your cheek and your jaw, and her breath is hot against your panting lips.

"You're mine forever." She murmurs, kissing you very quickly. "You belong to me."

Her voice is dripping with obsession, a desire so strong it makes you shiver and you feel like you'll melt right there on top of her before you even get the chance to say anything.

So much for being a plaything.

"Kiss me," You plead softly, holding her jaw in your hands (your handcuffed wrists red raw and bloody), looking down at her like you were looking at your entire fucking world. "Kiss me and love me and take me, just like this…"

Her hands tighten, her grip firm on your cheeks, on your hip, and her parted lips on your neck. Her teeth graze along your throat, nipping and biting and leaving mean little bruises behind, and you can feel her breath hot against your skin.

"I own you," She rasps in a rough whisper as she pulls you in. "I'll love you, in my own special way, but I'll always own you, do you understand that?" "Mmhmm," You nod again, grazing your lips against hers, full and waiting to be kissed. "You own me. I'm yours."

And then she kisses you.

And whatever mind you still had that wanted to hate this dissipates completely.

#lawrence btd #lawrence oleander #lawrence x mc #lawrence x reader #ren hana #ren btd #ren x mc #ren x reader #strade btd #strade ykmet #strade x mc #strade x reader #girlfriend to death #that's the tag folks that's what it is #qs #drabbles

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natriae · 1 year

Text

WEDDING REVENGE. MIYA ATSUMU

timeskip! Miya Atsumu x Fem! Reader

a/n: This is extremely self indulging with some stuff i've been dealing with lately and i just want comfort

C/W: MINORS DNI, VERY VERY HEAVY, mentions of sh (not in detail) , suicidal thoughts, panic attack, sexualish content, reader is from a country that doesn't speak japanese

You're not mad at Miya Atsumu. You're disappointed that's for sure. Now you have to get on the plane by yourself and try not to break down at this wedding all alone. Always alone, huh. They were right you will always be alone.

You left that place to prove yourself. Prove to them that you could survive the harsh world alone. You would grow and you didn't need them. You left them because it was good for you. But now you're going back. You wanted to come back stronger, and more successful then any of them.

You were successful that's for sure. You had your dream job. Athletic trainer for MSBY in osaka, Japan. You chased your dream and you didn't stop till you made it, but you were alone. You left "home" for a place thousands of miles away right after college. You only knew enough Japanese to get around, but you were determined to learn and live there, but now you are going back. Yes, it was just for a few days but you wished you never had too.

The memories held there were to much to bear. The people you will see, the voices you will hear, and the scents. Not only will you be battling the trauma you experienced but you will have to experience all of the people that were apart of it first hand.

please dont talk to me. please don't notice im there now that im alone.

Atsumu was kind. When he over heard you were going to a wedding ( you never actually said if you were going or not) he had asked if you were going alone. He could see your hesitancy. You repeated once again that you weren't sure if you were going, but if you were you would be alone. "i'll go with ya" He had said with a smile. You never got to say no, but you found comfort in his response. Glad he would be there with you. You wouldn't be alone anymore.

You bought the plane tickets and he sent you money for his. You felt happy that he was gonna go with you. You felt more secure knowing that he was gonna be with you. Someone who was like you. From the few times you guys hung out he accepted you for you. He listened to your interests and never made you feel invisible.

Now it felt like the times you would go home to an empty apartment. That didn't change till recently when every weekend Atsumu would come knocking at your door just to walk in and spend several hours on your couch bothering you.

-----------------------------‐--------------------

The actual service was over and now it was the reception. You saw them. The ones that hurt you. They were still together and they still seemed happy. They had each other. You on the other hand still felt out of touch. Like you weren't welcome here or accepted here.

Walking in to the reception their words from highschool were eating at you. It took so many years to get better. So many years spent grieving. So many years spent telling yourself that you were worth being alive. So many god damn years spent being comfortable by yourself and now all of it came crashing down.

They never had to feel the pain you did and it wasn't fair. Why didn't you just do it all those years ago. The pain would have ended. They would have understood how much pain they caused you. The confidence was gone. You felt like the same weak 16 year old. Nothing has changed.

Little did you know a 6'1 asshole with a slightly better blonde dye job was walking through the door to the resception asking everyone he incountered, in broken (your native language) if they had seen you. Thank god he knew who not to talk too.

One time after work he took you to Onigiri Miya and spent the whole night trying to break you to get you to tell him about your past. Not once did he look away from you as you spoke. It honestly was probably the longest Miya Atsumu has been quiet.

Once he saw you his signature grin appeared on his face and he lifted his hand up in the air and began to wave at you. You couldn't help but smile watching him. He was always so confident. Out of the corner of your eye you could see them watching. They had made a face. They must have been confused to see you with a friend let alone one they have never seen before. He ran over to your table and said "surprise!...are ya okay?". He genuinely seemed worried. That was new. Normally people don't care what you feel. Normally they try and steer the conversation away or not even look at you. Yet once again Miya Atsumu was watching you. Really watching you. "if yer not okay we can get outta 'ere"

"i'm okay. I promise," You faked a smile at him.

"okay stop sittin and lets dance," His grin appeared on his face again and he grabbed your hand. Somehow he walked to the dance floor like he's been here all night. Like he knew everyone here and was ready to have a good time.

What they say about him was true. He knew exactly how to stop time and make you feel like the most important person in the world. It was so god damn hard. How easily he was able to breakdown your walls, and have you fall into his arms at any given moment. The last thing you wanted was for all of this to be a joke. For him to just to be pretending so you give him attention and then leave you and have you question if you ever really knew him. Because you thought you knew a lot of people, but all of them hurt you and left.

"hey, the people behind me right now. They're the ones that hurt you right," He lightly moved his head back while still dancing to the music.

"yeah," you sighed out in response not exactly wanting to talk about them after trying to ignore them all night.

"i fuckin' hate her smug face back there. I saw it when I walked in 'an i knew that it was 'er." he said like she directly offended him. You let out a little giggle at that lookin at the ground. A little quieter and a little closer to you he lifted up your head with his fingers and told you "thats why i made such a scene when i came in. I wanted her and all of 'em to see that you have such a tall, sexy, muscular man on your side," He smirked at that and you couldn't help but let out a bigger laugh at that. Throwing you head back and immediately putting it back into place and covering your mouth. It's been a while since someone has made you felt this comfortable. He laughed at your wide eyes and shocked face holding his stomach. If people weren't looking at you guys before they definitely were now. You grabbed his arms and told him to shush while still giggling over the situation. Because he kept moving the two of you in circles when you looked up you made directed eye contact with her.

Your laughing stopped and your smile dropped just like you heart. All the memories came flooding back. The nights filled with with pain in more then one way. Filled with so many questions questions of why? And the fact that they just kept coming back to torture you more. They found every way to remind you that they were doing fine with out you. That they had no remorse for the pain they caused you. That they would always side with her no matter the amount of proof you had.

You didn't even realize his laughter had died down and he was now looking at you like he was trying to finish a puzzle, but that very last piece couldn't be found. "hey. Hey look at me. Let's go outside, yeah," he jerked his head towards the door and began to move your body towards them. He kept looking towards the door and back to you.

Once outside he sat you down at a bench and kept his hand on yours that was resting on your thigh and thats when you felt it. The heavy feeling on your chest and the racing thoughts. Thoughts about the fact that they are all talking about you. That you are still weak running away from your problems. Your stuck in the constant loop. She still had so much power over you. That if you just learned to keep your mouth shut none of this would have happened. Before you realized it was hard to breath, see, and even to hear. It's been a long time since you've had an attack like this. And it's so so embarrassing. You could hear small 'hey's said and his hands never left your body. He held them on your shoulders to keep you rooted to you seat. You could see him in your line of sight but everything was blurry. Like he was a ghost you made up to comfort you. He couldn't really be here. You didn't snap back into reality till you heard his calm voice tell you to breathe and him lifting you up to place you on his lap. He took of his suit jacket and placed it so it covered both of your faces. It layed on both of your heads and probably looked really stupid, but that didn't matter. All you could see was him.

"breathe with me," is what you heard him say. He exaggeratly breathed in and began to count. He did the same to breathe out. It was hard and you were doing those stupid little inhale hiccups trying to catch your breath. "ya are safe with me, okay." He held you close to him and held you tight. This is all you've ever wanted. He stayed and held you through it.

He didn't take his jacket off your heads still you stopped crying. A few tears would slip here and there but he was quick to wipe them. "when your ready were gonna go back there an kick some ass," you let out a little giggle at that again. He really knew you. He knew exactly what to do to brighten your day.

Before you could look over he watch the group of them leave the building. They were definitely looking for you because they were obsessed. That's all he could think. He thought they were sad human beings that had nothing better to then tear others down because they didn't feel good about themselves. You looked up at him and behind him you could see them looking around. Once they spotted you they began to converse with one another like they weren't searching for you.

Then the fire started in your gut. You could feeling nothing more then the years worth on anger bubbling inside you. You got up and began walking over there. You knew that Atsumu would hold you back when he needed to but right now he was to excited to see the drama unfold.

Before you knew it your fist collided with her nose. She fell back and then rest of them grabbed her and began asking if she was okay and calling you names. "alright little one it's time for you to go back to you hotel," Atsumu said as he rushed over to where you stood. He's never seen you this angry, and he knew that if he didn't stop you now it would end really badly. He asked you where your rental car was and took you back to it so you guys could leave the party.

You guys sat in your car in a comfortable silence as the sun went down and your tears slowly came to an end. "God knows how long i've waited to do that," you giggled. You felt crazy, but so much more free. Surpised that Atsumu didn't say anything you looked over.

He was just watching you. Love stuck puppy eyes on his face. You began to worry. He looked as though he was think a lot, and that was never a good sign. You felt stronger about yourself at this moment so you took the leap and decided to ask him what was up. "what are ya thinkin about," .

It took him so time to spit it out like he was worried you would punch him in the face too. "that was just- that was really hot,". Not in a million years did you imagine the Miya Atsumu would be calling you hot. He still looked at you like you put the stars in the sky but all you did was punch a girl from high school. "i-i've liked you for some time now, and i know that I sound stupid and you probably aren't ready for a relationship but god," he let got a breath that was similar to a giggle. He threw his head back and said "god what have ya done to me," He let out a longer laugh at that. After taking a deep breath in he looked directly into you eyes. "god i wanna kiss ya so badly. I wanna kiss you till all ya can think about is me" He said all while shaking his head slowly like he was fighting the words in his head.

"do it," is all you could say quietly with a breathy air to it. You kept looking between his eyes and his mouth. This was all so much but he just knew you. He knew what could get you to fall into him, and some how he knew your boundries.

He slammed his lips into yours and kissed you like he would never be able to again. If this is what Heaven is like you want to bask in its sunlight till you fry up and can't move. He leaned so far over the console just to chase your lips, and it seems as though he was holding himself back from crawling right over it and directly into you seat. You pushed him back a bit and got up on your knees. This time you were reaching over the console just to chase the lips you had to tell be quiet all the time. With the amount of filthy words that left his mouth all the time his lips were surpisingly sweet. He knew exactly when to bite, kiss, and lick. Could there possible be anything he wasn't good at. You felt his lips curve up into their signature smirk as you kissed and it made it all the hotter. Your sure the windows were fogged up at this point and it was so hard to not climb onto his lap and start unzipping your dress and unbutton his white button up.

He was right just from a kiss all you could think about was him. You wanted to see his abs in all their glory. You wanted to see his V-line more then just the teasing you saw when he stretched. You wanted to see where it lead and the rest of his happy trail. You wanted to see his thighs and bite and suck on them till he couldn't hide the hickeys. You wanted to hold on to his muscular back. Leaving long sratches down it so that ever time he moved he would remember the night you guys had together.

Once again it was hard to breathe, but this loss of breath felt much better. "please come stay at my hotel room" you asked. You hadn't realized the face you were making to him. Pupils blown out and lips swollen with need. You needed him, and he would never deny you of that.

"yes yes of course i will," At that you moved back to sitting in your seat and put your seatbelt on. Taking a deep breath you began to reverse out of the parking spot. Wow, today was eventful.

i wanna make a part 2 but ive never written smut before so its probably gonna be bad :,(

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu fluff #atsumu x reader #atsumu miya #atsumu imagine #haikyuu atsumu #atsumu #atsumu smut #miya atsumu fluff #haikyuu atsumu miya #miya atsumu x reader #miya atsumu

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cpunkwitch · 1 month

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Hey, it's the anon that asked if chronic pain counted as a physical disability

I guess I just wanted to ask a few other things because you're like the first person who has actually answered my questions on this kind of stuff— I'm sorry if it becomes annoying or if my questions are stupid, I really struggle with research and stuff, so if this stuff is easily found on google or something then im sorry

I wanted to mainly ask what counts as debilitating? I mean my chronic pain tends to come in episodes that last a few minutes to a few hours (well the most noticeable of it, which is my ribs. But I do tend to havesort of aches in my joints, knees((are they joints?)), hip and some other places pretty commonly, and that usually lasts a few hours but I'm usually good at ignoring that), sometimes it can happen every day for a week and sometimes I can go weeks without experiencing or noticing any pain. I can still do things that most people do I think? Other than running or walking up hills, that usually takes away all my breath and makes the pain really bad (so bad I've had to lay on the floor for up to 10-20 minutes because I walked up too many hills). I don't know if that would count as debilitating

For further context, I am quite young and I don't have any diagnosis, I haven't seen a doctor over it because my parents don't believe my pain is real and often say it's growing pains (I don't think it is, since it started back when I was like 7-9, so before I started growing) so I don't really know much about this or my body really

Again sorry if this is a sort of stupid question, if you can't answer it or don't feel comfortable answering it that's perfectly fine ^_^ /gen

holding you gently (if touch is okay)

i dont think you understand anon im autistic all i do is research please please ask me to your hearts content! /silly

going bit by bit so its easier on my dyslexia, what counts as debilitating? subjective to the person but overall; debilitating means a condition or otherwise symptom of some kind causng a person to be weak, effects their usual functions or otherwise hindering, so for something to be disabling / debilitating and to count as such, it just means it hinders you in some way and generally makes you weaker in a "more suseptible to" way, such as chronic pain making it so you cant get out of bed i the morning, you cant lift heavy things like chairs etc.

it common for chronic pain and other chronic conditions to come in episodes my moms chronic migranes for example only happen about once a month. it still counts as chronic so long as its reoccuring and when it does occur if it hinders you in any way then it very much counts as debilitating and therefore a disablity.

the pain level doesnt have to be consistent nor does the time length, just that its reoccuring in some way.

knees are joints yes. when it comes to joint issues and pain its likely that form of chronic pain is caused by a type of arthritis, fibromyalgia and/or some other autoimunity that is known to cause that. not certain but i just felt like that might be worth noting.

my chronic pain causes me issues with walking just like that, people without this condition dont often struggle with losing energy nor feel pain after walks or runs, uphill or otherwise, unless they have something else goig on with their body. if it effects you lower body its no surprise your mobility in that area is effected in some way too. i got myself a cane to help me with this as i walk uphill to work often (at least its one reason it helps me)

that hinderance alone, effectig your stamina, counts as debilitating, it might now sound or feel as severe as what other people expirience but it counts

it sucks that people equate age to conditions and then dont believe young people like us when we have issues, but age has nothing to do with it, you can expirience anything like this at any age for a number of reasons. i was born with a defect i my spine we didnt find until i was 18-19 and id been i pain for well over a decade now.

you'll find its hard to get people to listen to you now, but once you know what to say, for example telling them how long that this has been going on and how it effects you, even what you suspect it night be and dont let them derail from exploring those possabilities, you can /get/ them to listen to you.

sucks hard that people wont listen in the first place, especially when they think they know everything. but youre the only one whos gonna know and understand your body best because only you can listen to it when it sends you signals like pain.

(i genuinely enjoy these kinds of asks i love getting to ramble)

#disability blogging #cass rambles #actually disabled #physically disabled #cpunk #physical disability #disabled #chronic illness #chronic #chronic pain #chronic disability #debilitating #answered askers #anon answered

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icycoldninja · 1 day

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hello!!! mgs4 raiden requester back!! <3

i was wondering if you could do any angst (to maybe nsfw if it fits) around a fem reader & raiden, reuniting again after they lost contact after the events of mgs2. potentially working with the cybernetic/scientist reader again seeing how their work was used by the patriots to experiment on raiden and turn him into what we know in mgs4

take your time!! i genuinely love reading your stuff even if im not into/played the same media <3

Thank you! That makes me so happy to hear 💜 I hope you enjoy, and have a great day.

What have they done to you (MGS4! Raiden x Fem!Cyberneticist!Reader angst)

"Doctor Y/N," A guard said, striding into your laboratory and over to the desk you were seated at. "There's a visitor come to see you."

Groaning softly, you reached up and massaged your eyes, which felt heavier and more fatigued than they should have been. Ever since yo learned your boyfriend Raiden had been captured by the Patriots, you had gotten very little sleep.

"Who is it?" You drawled, too tired to meet the guard's eyes.

"A cyborg," The guard responded, sounding somewhat worried. "He won't give his name."

"A cyborg?" You repeated, rising from your seat in awe. "Where is he from? Not the Patriots, I hope."

"I'm not sure," Replied the guard. "He bears no identification, and as I said before, refuses to give his name."

Several thoughts traveled through your mind. This could be a trap; the cyborg could be an assassin sent to off you, or he could be someone willing to contribute to your research. If this was the case, you couldn't let such a glorious opportunity slip by.

"Send him in."

The guard nodded and ducked out of the room. Seconds later, the door opened again, and a lean man in a black cloak strode into the room. The lower half of his face was almost entirely encased in metal, but his eyes were so familiar. So, so familiar. You knew those blue eyes; you recognized the dormant sadness hidden deep within them. You were sure you knew who this person was, but for some unexplainable reason, you still felt the need to ask. After all, it had been so long since you'd seen them--and the Patriots were know for deception--why should you believe he'd returned to you now?

"Who...who are you?" You inquired, nervously. The cyborg stared blankly at you, as if he hadn't heard your question. A few moments later, he opened his metal mouth and spoke.

"You don't recognize me?"

"No...I...I do," You mumbled, clasping your hands together. "I just...can't believe it's really you..." The cyborg nodded, continuing to stare ahead with that blank, almost dead-looking expression. You tried your best to meet his gaze, but it was so intense, so unsettling, you couldn't keep it up for long. Averting your eyes in both fear and shame, you let out a sigh.

"Raiden, what have they done to you?"

Raiden did not respond. He just kept his bluish-gray eyes fixated on you like a laser beam. You didn't know what to do now; you had nothing to say. The pain on Raiden's face told you everything you needed to know--that he was hurting, that he was afraid, and that he needed someone to lean on.

Almost automatically, you started edging closer and closer to him, your arms reaching out to wrap around his shoulders. You wanted to hug him, and he clearly needed a hug, but for some reason, he backed away.

"Don't touch me." He said, coldly.

"Why, what did I do?" You asked, voice quavering.

"It was your tech that they used. Your inventions," Raiden explained. It took you a minute to realize he was referring to your work regarding cyborg enhancements, though you had no idea how the Patriots managed to get their hands on it.

"How...?" You whispered, in unbelief. "How did they...?"

"They captured other cyborgs, ones you upgraded," Raiden continued, still staring ahead with that blank expression. "Then they broke 'em apart, dissected every joint, and figured out how to make the parts themselves."

"Oh my God...Raiden..." You were too stunned to form a coherent sentence. Your hard work, your research, your ingenuity, had been stolen by evil people and user to forcibly modify your entire reason for doing all this. The shock was too much; it made your head spin and you knees weak. You sank into a nearby chair, your head in your hands.

"The excision was very painful." Raiden announced, adding to your distress.

"My God...what have I done?" You muttered, too ashamed of yourself to so much as look through man in the eye. "What have I done? What have I done?"

Eventually you pulled yourself together, straightened up, and sighed.

"I'm sorry, Raiden," You told him, tears streaming down your face. "I'm so...so...sorry...I never wanted this to happen, ever...I...I only became a cyberneticist so I could do good and make contributions, not for this..."

For a moment, Raiden's stony expression melted into one of genuine sorrow. It seemed that if he had tear ducts left, he would be crying. You never wanted to hold him so badly in your life.

Completely disregarding what he said earlier, you ran forwards and threw your arms around his neck, sobbing and squeezing him as tightly as you could. You didn't care that his metal body was ice cold, and that the various ridges and spikes on his skeleton poked and prodded your sides. You just wanted to embrace him and let him know you still loved him no matter what, and that nothing could change that.

"I love you, Raiden," You kept repeating, clinging onto him and refusing to let go. "I love you so, so much."

It took him several moments, but Raiden eventually snaked his arms around your waist and held you close with enthusiasm double that of yours.

"I...I...love you too..."

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mono-red-menace · 1 day

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before moving from home my attitude was "i'm not disabled im not i'm not i'm not i just hurt a lot all the time and i struggle to get out of bed and standing is extremely painful and i collapse a LOT because my knee just gives out and i have painful snaps and pops as i walk, especially when i turn, but im not physically disabled im just a whiner it's actually not that bad."

and then i moved here and i started using a cane so i would stop collapsing and i realised HUH. this helps. and my gf kept saying "you're literally physically disabled. please stop pushing yourself to perform at the level of an able bodied person" and like. yk i started to realise. maybe i am disabled.

but i LOATHE being disabled yk. i hate that i can't do things that i like to do yk. i hate that cooking is hard on me and i LOVE to clean the house but its physically painful. i struggle to do anything other than lay in bed a lot of days bc im in a lot of pain and its just.

i want to push past the disability and be able to operate the way others do yk? i want to do things i enjoy and feel accomplished and worthwhile and stuff. but im disabled and it makes me mad.

i'm like SUPER ableist but only toward myself bc like that's just how my family was yk? like i have ALWAYS had a lot of pain from my waist down, from since i was a little kid, but i was always told that i'm just a baby and it's not that bad and i'm just faking because i don't want to do things, yk?

and i wasn't allowed to go to a doctor about the pain or anything i was just supposed to deal with it and work through it and if i didn't i was being lazy and bad.

but then i went to a doctor when i got here and he's like.

"damn you've got some pretty bad degeneration in your hips, and a hip impingement caused by these can deformities in the ball of your hip joint. like this could potentially be early onset osteoarthritis"

and i'm just like. "😰 wait so i do have a physical disability?"

i'm in physical therapy to try to make it manageable and it's helping me a lot, but it's not helping me to be like. Able-Bodied, yk? it's going to help me get to a point where i am not constantly at a like, 5/10 on pain. and the goal is to get me to start operating at a point where im close to able-bodied level, but i will always be physically disabled.

and that's not even touching on the mental disabilities yk. i refused for a very long time to acknowledge that my mental disabilities were disabilities bc i was abused for not being able to perform at the level im supposed to. because im "really smart," so obviously me "not trying" in school is because im lazy, not because im disabled. i was literally offered to move on to like, college when i was like 7 because i was excelling so far beyond my level in the state standardised tests and stuff (they would do like, assessments and stuff, and my math assessment i was already on high-school level when i was 7, and my reading level was Beyond College.) and i turned it down as a kid because i had made my first friend. i'm wondering if i should've taken it now yk, but i think i would've instantly been made aware of exactly how debilitating my ADHD is. but also maybe it would be more one-on-one and would be easier on me, who knows.

anyways.

i'm physically disabled.

and i'm mentally disabled.

and both of these things affect me severely in day-to-day life.

and i'm finally starting to admit it to myself.

but i still haven't fully gotten over the hump, bc i often feel like im a failure, and worthless, literally just because im disabled.

and. i feel like if i don't try to perform beyond my capabilities at all times, im being lazy, and letting the disability win, yk?

and PT is helping me like, mentally get to a point where i'm like, okay. it's okay that i can't perform at the same level as others my age.

but it still sucks bc it doesn't just affect the things i NEED to do, it affects the things I WANT to do.

#long post

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whumpberry-cookie · 1 year

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im sorry if i came off rude i thought whump was sickfics in general. can i have public/transportation sickfic prompts?

Ooooh, I understand! That's okay, anon!

Whump is basically about fictional pain writing, so it might include sickfic tropes, like characters fainting, having a fever or other sicknesses, recovering after injuires and recovering mentally after some trauma. And Caretaker comforting and nursing them. For these I reccomend searching: #comfort whump #whump aftercare #whump aftermath #sick whumpee #sickness whump #enviromental whump #caretaker comfort

But in whump you can also stumble upon the topics that might be triggering and scary for some readers, like kidnapping, interrogation and torture. Because exploring those is very popular in whump stories. So I think that filtering the words like: whumper; torture; pet whump; captivity whump; gore, might be a good idea if you'd prefer to avoid those.

I'm really sorry, it must have been really distressing for you to get the captivity content you didn't expect. I hope you're feeling well, anon!

----------------------------

Car/Public Transport Sickfic

Car:

It's an autumn night and Sickie is driving alone throught the countryside. Coughing from cold and dreaming about the hot meal and bath. But then the car run out of fuel and the gas station is too far away to walk in the dark. Sickie stops the car on the side of the road. Then takes several layers of blankets from the trunk. Curls up in the front sit and tries to fall asleep. Their nose and throat are burning, their head is pulsating with pain. They call their Caretaker waiting for them on the video chat. Sickie falls asleep to the sound of their friend's voice and soothing taps of the rain over the car roof.

A group of very good friends is travelling together. Sickie has a motion sickness so they took a pill for it and only after few minutes felt asleep on their friends shoulder. All the group is quietly giggling on how cute Sickie is when cuddling to friend's arm like to a plushie. The driver turns the volume of the radio down. And they all speak quietly until Sickie wakes up

Sickie's having an axiety attack/trouble with breathing for some reason while sitting on the back of the car. Caretaker (driver) stops the car on the side of the road. It's a sunny summer and all around them are the golden fields of sunflowers and corn. And the landscapes of the mountains. Caretaker helps Sickie get on the roof of the car and joins them after. They both sit, sunbathing and enjoying the warmth and beauty all around them. The aromatic breeze helps Sickie catch a breath. Caretaker helps Sickie "Slowly, breathe in... Now breathe out. Breathe in... Everything's okay"

Public transport:

Sickie and their Caretaker are standing in the crowded bus/metro. Sickie can't reach the poll to hold onto. Caretaker hugs them in their waist/shoulders to prevent them for falling. After several stops Sickie suddenly wakes up and realises they fell asleep in Caretaker's arms, while standing. They feel so secure.

Sickie use to faint so often recently, maybe because of some chronic illness that makes them feel weak. The bus is full so all the sits are taken. Whumpee walk up to someone to ask for a place. But when they sit down, they feel the stares of other passangers piercing Sickie through. Because they are young. Young people are supposed to be standing. Sickie closes their eyes and pretends to sleep, trying not to cry. Then some middle-aged woman sitting next to them gently touches their arm. "Hey, honey. That's okay. Do you need water? Do you want me to call someone for you? You look pale"

Sickie getting on a plane with a serious fever, telling themselves they can handle it on their own. But as soon as the plane land and the fly attendant wakes them up, they are so confused they don't know where they are and why they are in the plane. Is that the other country? They don't even know the language...! Then they almost faint with relief when they see their old friend waiting for them on the airport. The friend walks up to them and places their hand on Sickie's forehead "Dear, you're burning!"

-------------------------

Thank you for the ask and have a good day!

#sickfic #sick whump #writing prompts #writing prompt #sickie #caretaker #caretaker comfort #writing #wriblr

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interlacrimas · 4 months

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Love in your blade - chapter 1 the new job

Once you are born a disgrace, you always will be a disgrace. That always been very clear to me. Not even the biggests of the efforts could make me ever be worthy, not even magic itself did…still, I need something for my unneeded survival… even if I am not valuable enough for the mere act of being alive, it is in my unholy nature to beg to live.

I've woken up early, and looked at the ceiling, that was almost falling, falling together with my hope, i've stared at it silently, for at least 10 minutes straight

“Why am I even alive…Is just to remind me of how useless I am? Or do I actually am deserving of anything…” Until i reminded myself, that spending so much time immerse in my own thoughts is a privilege i will never have, I quickly dress up, on my New uniform for my new job, it is way fancier then my other clothes, I was terrified of having to pay for these, i couldn't afford it, even if I save money for 2 years straight, i was relieved at receiving not only the clothes, but free food as well, it's rare for the royalty to show any kindness

I went walking towards the almighty castle, leaving the house 30 minutes before my shift, the long road didn't gave me the luck of eating breakfast before going to work.

Until I was there…“Wow…this is…stunning…! I've never seen something as shiny as that…”

“Could you stop admiring the castle and come to work?” Someone tall yell at me, probably my superior, i just nodded and enter, following them, my job was cleaning that giant building…daily…I can already feel the back pain, but i'm not in the place to wine about it

The hours went quickly as i sweep the place and its most varied corners, making sure each place is clean, i was just hoping i wouldn't get fired in my first day, no one gave me instructions about the place, i've found myself lost many times, why did it need to be so big…is it to make sure we are aware of how inferior we are to them?

It was almost night, and i was on the last floor…finally, the place sure was fancy, the paintings were marvelous, just like if each detail had been discussed and had hard thought about its meaning when suddenly i just felt myself falling down to the stairs, my eyes widen as i felt no control to my body, i already accepted defeat, or i would have a severe injury, or i would broke something i couldn't pay even if i sell my lungs, or, in the best hypothesis, I would die and finally rest for a bit…until i felt my hand being touched, and i wasn't falling anymore

The person holding my sweaty and dirty hands were using fancy clothings, and a crown, my eyes widen at knowing it was the king himself…i was just hoping that if he was going to kill me, that he left me fall, and not take my head out…the king stared at me for a couple of seconds till he says:

“Your eyes are pretty unique, you know?”

I was totally surprised at that comment…that surely wasn't what i expected

“Are they contact lens?”

I've created courage to answer the fancy looking man

“No…its a long story, to summarize…magic”

the man quickly push me back to the ground, as we get closer i take one step back and look at him, sweating a little

“I don't see how someone like you could ever get involved with magic, thought…”

“It didn't make much result with it …your majesty? Im sorry but i'm not aware if you're…like…the king or something?”

“I am, i thought it was Basic knowledge to a citizen of this kingdom"

“When you have almost anything to survive, your priority has nothing to do with the king and his fancy life…”

Crap, I said this out loud…! My head is gone for good…He stared at me and smirked at himself;

“You're very brave to say that to me, peasant.”

Maybe i was being to kind to myself, not only my head is gone…i can already be seen as dead…its the end

“I appreciate that, no one ever talked like that to me, brave idiot”

“Hm…you're welcome? I guess…” i said relieved, at least i will keep my head in place for a little longer

“And about your situation, i will take care of it, you can spend your days here while you work here, you don't need to pay for nothing, is this already a great help?”

My eyes shined, my heart beating faster, as i open my mouth in disbelief, my eyes widen, as i stare at the king himself, offering a room for me to stay, why…? Did I hit the jackpot or something? I couldn't allow myself to question it, its too good to be true…but im fine with beautiful lies, i've seen hope for the first time, i could only say one thing for him, show him how much grateful I was.

"Thank you…thank you so much, your majesty!”

"don't thank me, by the way, i'm assuming you don't know my name, if you had a hard time figuring my position in the kingdom”

“yeah…i really don't know” i said with a shy smile, embarassed

“Fuyuhiko kuzuryuu, and you, who are you, mister commoner?”

“Hajime…hajime hinata.”

“See you again soon, hajime hinata” He left quickly, down to the stairs, and reminded myself i had work to do, i've cleaned the last floor, with a new income about the situation

Maybe everything will be fine after all…

#fuyuhiko kuzuryu #hajime hinata #hajime x fuyuhiko #kuzuhina #super danganronpa 2 #interlacrimas

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fadewalking · 2 months

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this post is about spiders

I'm scared of spiders just as much as the next guy. I do however, own several of them as pets at this point (hands off, display pets only as my fear keeps me from ever wanting to actually touch one), including a black widow and as of today, a brown recluse. And i know that they're the United States boogey monsters of spiders, but the lack of knowledge around them from the general population is staggering, and im getting kind of tired of it. Every single person in my life has reacted with anger and horror at my perceived stupidity from "Keeping an animal that can and will kill you if given the chance". And very few people are even willing to believe me when I tell them the truth.

Like the fact is that it just isn't true that either spider can kill me. Unless im allergic to them, which would be like winning the lottery (of pain and death), then I as a healthy adult cannot be killed, not even close. I'm not saying they're puppies or anything, they do have a medically significant bite, or more accurately- they can have a medically significant bite. But they can also choose how much venom to deliver in a bite, and they do not want to waste it for something that isn't prey.

Both of these spiders are also incredibly shy, and you have to be actively squishing them to death for them to want to bite at all. If i was bitten by either of these spiders, i would spend an afternoon at the ER, and then go home and for the next few weeks/months (depending on venom amount), i'll be in a good deal of pain while i recover. Is it a walk in the park? absolutely not. But these spiders just.. aren't life threatening. I also don't plan on touching them at all let alone harassing them aggressively enough to get any kind of bite.

#arachnophobia tw #anyway also #fear i can understand because i fear them too #but fear to the point of hatred is Not It #if you are someone who fears spiders or any other living creature (aside from parasites) to the point of hatred #you should feel compelled to educate yourself about it. ignorance propagates fear.#so many people kill animals out of fear and they do not deserve your hatred just bc you are afraid #this isn't just about spiders and bugs bc i know people rarely care about squishing a bug even if they don't hate them #but i also mean animals like snakes #killing a snake out of fear is morally wrong.#if the snake is just chilling/warning you and not actively attacking ofc #if any animal is actively attacking u then obv u gotta do what u gotta do #like sorry if this is controversial but you can't kill an animal for no good reason??? that's bad???#all i'm saying is do better.#ooc #thanks for coming to my ted talk about spiders ig

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lhecxzsaisgay · 2 years

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Stubborn - Natasha Romanoff

:natty being scared of her scary smol girlfriend (doctor!reader!w/specs)

Natasha's POV:

"Come on Nat, your bruises are too deep to be ignore. Why can't you just simply go to the medbay, get your girlfriend to check and clean that?" Clint said as we sit on the living room. I sat there, staring hardly at the floor while crossing my arms, trying to ignore the pain, and Clint's scolding.

Me, Clint, Wanda and Steve just finished out mission. Something went out of the plan, it leads us to a very chaotic event. Wanda got her hand and foot dislocated, now she's being checked by Dr. Cho, while on the other hand, Steve is being treated by bruce, fortunately, for Clint he didn't injured himself.

While me, i have so many cuts and bruises around my body, some of the are black and blue already, some are deep, some are not. I can almost feel myself getting light headed as seconds past by, i know that im losing blood already.

"I can still manage, don't worry. I'll just go to my room and clean this up, it's not that too severe." I said as i tried to stand up, only to get stumbled back down on the sofa again.

"Yeah, you can really still manage..." Clint mocked me, making me glare at him.

"Come on, Nat don't be stubborn, or else that'll just get worse." He said warningly.

Before i can even utter a word, Wanda walked in the room with Steve, immediately taking notice of my state.

"You still haven't got that cleaned and checked up on, Nat?" Wanda said while frowning worriedly.

"No, i-" I was cut off by Clint.

"She's too stubborn." Clint said.

I immediately got an idea. Steve and Wanda are already done, it means, i can take my turn to get checked up on and cleaned by Dr. Cho.

But, once again, someone joined in on our conversation, and that someone is my girlfriend.

"What's with all the commotion here?" Her soft alluring voice called out, making their head whipped on her direction, while i just stayed frozen form where im sitting, closing my eyes as i bite my lip.

"Well, your stubborn girlfriend here, is being the stubborn woman that she is. She doesn't want to get checked up on, because according to her, 'she can manage'.", I heard Clint said.

"Well, i guess our job ends here. Let's go, boys!" Wanda exclaimed, before snapping her fingers.

I heard their footsteps descending, until i heard nothing anymore. There's a moment of silence, before i heard a heels clicking on the floor, as soon as it stopped, i opened my eyes, immediately gazing at my gorgeous girlfriend who is scanning me from head to toe.

There's no emotion in her face, but i can tell she's disappointed. I smiled sheepishly at her while scratching the back of my neck. I saw how she shook her head, before turning away and snapping her fingers, motioning me to follow her, which i did with no hesitation.

I followed her like a puppy, dragging my pained and aching body, stumbling as i did so.

"Sit." She said in a straight tone, and pointed the bed, as soon as we step inside of her very own clinic.

I obediently followed, i sit on the bed while waiting for her to do whatever she needs to do with me. I watch her movements, flinching at the sound she would make, like she wound throw things hard on the table here and there, and i can tell that it's in purpose, meaning that she's pissed.

"Discard your suit." I did carefully to not to harm my sore bruises, when i finished, i was left only with my tank top and tight boxers.

She sat infront of me, sitting on her chair that has wheels. She started cleaning my bruises, too focus on what she's doing that she doesn't notice me staring lovingly, but with guilt on her face.

How can she look so amazing, and hot at the same time just by wearing those spectacles of hers? Like, DAMN, what did i even did to have someone like her?

But, even with all the disappointments i see in her, the worried expression that is plastered on her face didn't go unnoticed. Her eyes are soft, and her touched are so gentle as she did her job, and it makes me more guilty.

"I'm sorry..." I said sincerely, trying to catch her gaze, but, she didn't even flinch, nor reacted, her face still stayed the same, while she just continued what she's doing.

"You should be." She said with no emotion.

The reason why i didn't want to go here, and let my girl see me in this state, it's because i know she will gonna be so worried, and mad. I mean, the last time i went home when im nearly losing my consciousness, she yelled and cried at me after i recovered. And believe me when i say, she didn't talked to me for a whole 3 days.

I mean, it's my fault tho. I promised her to come back just the way i left, although i know she knows that it doesn't really go by that, considering that my job is literally like a suicidal missions. But, i always try, and i failed. Sure, i go home with light cuts and bruises, but that didn't matter, because it's only a little, but i know that sometimes, i reached beyond my limits.

I just watched her as she gently took care of me, when it came to the stitching, she would say sorry whenever i would flinch and winced. After it was done, she stood up and cleaned everything, and packed it all up, while i just stayed seated, watching her every move, thinking of what i should do.

Don't get confused tho, im the top on this relationship, but everybody know that im an 'under' when it comes to my girlfriend.

She still didn't utter a word, and i know that i have to do something if i don't want this to go any longer.

I walk from where she stands, which us infront of our vanity table inside our room. We're just getting ready to go to bed, im already done, she is too, but she still needs to do her night routine. I snake my arms around her waist, and i felt her become tensed by the sudden action, but soon enough she relaxed as i kiss her shoulder and neck softly.

"I'm sorry, baby. Please? I'm really sorry. I didn't want to make you worried, something just went really wrong along the mission." I said softly while rubbing her tummy.

She still didn't utter a word and continue on what she's doing. I sighed defeatedly, but continue on comforting and wooing her.

"Hey, darling can you forgive me, please?" I ask while looking at him with my puppy eyes as i pleadingly pout my lips. She looked at me, and i know that she will gonna forgive me sooner.

I wrapped my hands around her middle part as i put my head on her chest, we're now laying on our bed, and only the moonlight, and the lamp in our bedside table are the only thing that are giving us light to see each other.

"Please? I don't want to sleep knowing this is our situation. You know how i can't sleep when we're like this, and i know you too. So please, come on, my love. Something just went really wrong along the mission, Steve and Wanda are injured too, so it wasn't really our fault, or my fault." I explained looking at her straight in the eyes, and now i saw how they soften, as i felt her arms wrapped itself around my head.

"Okay, i forgive you. Sorry too, i just- im just really worried and- disappointed and upset because you wouldn't come automatically to me when things like this happens. I mean, like, we already talked about this, but it's still the same." She said and i can see the sadness in her eyes, making me feel bad.

I kissed her forehead and buried my face on her neck, instantly sniffling her comforting smell. I put small kisses over it before i look at her again.

"I'm really sorry. I was just really scared and i don't want to see you being all worried like the last time." I said, and she frowned.

"Am i that mean for you to be scared at?" She pouted, making me chuckle and kiss her lips, making the pout go away.

"No, no, that's not what i mean, baby. It's just that, i already know how you'll react, and you know....i don't want to see you sad and upset." I said, and now, it's hee turn to kiss me, as a way of saying that she understands.

"Don't worry, baby. I promise, i'll be more careful soon, okay?" I said, giving her a reassuring smile, with tired eyes.

"Okay. Let's sleep already, im tired. Goodnight, i love you." She said before giving me a lingering kiss.

I hold the nape of her neck, deepening the kiss, but she pushed me away giggling as she did so.

"Okay, stop. I'm really tired, okay? You should rest to, i know you're tired." She said, and i nodded my smiling widely at her.

"Roger that, boss. Goodnight, i love you till the earth stops moving." I said, and she playfully pushed my face away while laughing.

"Cheesy." She said, before settling in.

I shifted into more comfortable position, usually, im the big spoon, but for now, i feel like needing more of her warmth to be wrapped around me, so that's what i did

God, i truly love this girl.

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vatican3 · 6 months

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this is a long one and your ask box is a confessional now. to start off; im not christian. i was raised christian but thats just not the life for me. secondly; my name is judas. this makes christians uncomfortable as well. last thing before we get into the meat of it; i am also not a satanist but i do still dabble in it from time to time. so off the bat your more die hard christians would Not like me. like i said i have a very complicated relationship with christianity; i hate god and god hates me. i do things specifically to spite him and i call him out on his bullshit all the time. however; this does not extend to jesus. this is where the more complicated part comes in. i am not a christian, i do not worship god nor the holy spirit or any saints or anything like this, and my relationship and connection to jesus i view more as an extension of my worship of dionysus more than anything else. i dont know what this all entails, im still exploring this, but despite all my disdain towards christianity i cannot get myself to extend this to jesus. and its haunted me for years and years until i finally started to accept that. and more recently ive stopped trying to fight the nature of my relationship to jesus and lean into it. and my exploration of my worship of dionysus has helped as well; a lot of people connect the two in their own ways and i personally view them as two sides of the same coin. and through this ive just started to accept that my relationship with him is inherently queer, sensual and erotic even. god, to me, has always been rough, cruel, and uncaring, taking away whatever support he has given me at the drop of a hat if i do something that he doesnt agree with. a cold hand. but jesus was never like that yk? always kind and caring, a guiding hand, never let go even if i stopped and went back. a soft, tender lover. ive cried and hes responded to my pain with gentle touches. always forgiving, never judging. ive felt guilt over my sexual fixation on him; weight on my shoulders for years. trying to ignore it and bury it. but the second i gave up and accepted it i felt free. my name had no connection to its origin when i initially chose it; it just fit like a glove when i tried it. but the more i go down this weird path the more i realize that it fits more than i thought. its nice. but i dont think your average christian would appreciate my views.

This has been in my inbox for a day and I've reread it a few times, and I don't know if you're looking for religious counsel or maybe just to get your thoughts out (evoking the image of a confessional implied you were interested in a response specifically from my point of view, or some sort of direction, but if that's not what you want, stop reading after the cut?) So I'll try to answer as an anthropologist and theologian before answering as myself.

First and foremost, and the part I'm sure you're familiar with, you are far from the only person that has a convoluted and difficult relationship with religion--so the good news is that you're not alone! Even among the most devout Christians there is unrest, doubt, feelings of loneliness and despair. And those people seem to know what they're about. So for someone that has an unfavorable history with Christianity and no longer identifies with it, it only makes sense to feel such a varied and complex array of emotions about specific aspects.

I don't even necessarily think that it's abnormal to feel there is an erotic element to your relationship with Jesus. St. Teresa of Avila experienced her "spiritual ecstasy"--

In his hands, I saw a great golden spear, and at the iron tip there appeared to be a point of fire. This he plunged into my heart several times so that it penetrated to my entrails. When he pulled it out I felt that he took them with it, and left me utterly consumed by the great love of God. The pain was so severe that it made me utter several moans. The sweetness caused by this intense pain is so extreme that one cannot possibly wish it to cease, nor is one’s soul content with anything but God. This is not a physical but a spiritual pain, though the body has some share in it—even a considerable share. [Article on that.]

Your stance is, yes, unorthodox (haha). And it's true that many Christians would shy away from and admonish everything you have going on here--not all of them! I think you have some interesting concepts going on with your personal spirituality that don't necessarily speak to me as a human being but that I think would be interesting to do some writing about, if you care to.

The story of Jesus and Judas is a love story. What kind of love story it is can be up to interpretation, and that's a wonderful thing to me. And I think that's something that you have certainly considered between your name and your personal theology.

On an objective level, I believe that if this is good for you this is good for you and that it is then worth exploring. If you like what Jesus as a man and as a symbol encompasses, you should include that in your own spiritual life--and it sounds like you are! You can love Jesus without being a Christian. Many people do.

i hate god and god hates me. i do things specifically to spite him and i call him out on his bullshit all the time.

God does not hate you. God doesn't hate anyone, that's kind of the deal. You could do the most morally bankrupt nonsense and still God would be there for you. I think a lot of the other things I would want to say on this topic come off as though I would be trying to convert you (I'm not) and would be better in, like, an essay, so I'll leave that be.

This is a genuine question, not that you have to answer but if you'd like to please feel free: how are you, as someone that isn't Christian and doesn't worship a Christian God, qualifying what exactly God's bullshit is? What goes into that category? Is there something worth examining there?

my relationship and connection to jesus i view more as an extension of my worship of dionysus more than anything else. [...] a lot of people connect the two in their own ways and i personally view them as two sides of the same coin.

I'd love to know more about this. I don't know much about Dionysus as a figure nor Dionysian worship so I'm interested in how people make the connection/what that does for them and their spirituality. I know you said you're still exploring this and figuring out what it means for you so ofc no pressure to bare your soul or anything, but again if you have any specific thoughts to share go wild.

god, to me, has always been rough, cruel, and uncaring, taking away whatever support he has given me at the drop of a hat if i do something that he doesnt agree with. a cold hand. but jesus was never like that yk? always kind and caring, a guiding hand, never let go even if i stopped and went back.

Bizarre to me to so readily separate God and Christ. But I do understand that Jesus is easier to empathize with as a man, we have stories of his life, joy, and suffering. Jesus is also divine, though--you could even view him as a bridge between us and God, in a way. I don't know your personal journey. But it's easy to mistake, sometimes, God telling you the path you're on is wrong for you as God denying you or revoking support from you.

This was a really interesting message! I hope you feel that I've engaged with it fairly. Do you have any beef with the Holy Spirit or is it just the God/Jesus split you struggle with?

#mtxt

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insipid-drivel · 1 month

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Heyo. I read your tags about wanting a hysterectomy and doctors basically telling you no.

Just wanted to tell you that i have been there and it absolutely sucks. Im 29, had a hysto last year, but damn was it hell to get doctors to listen to me even though i have asked about it since I was 19. Like you, i was told to just take birth control.

I am sure you have gotten this before, but go to different doctors untill one will refer you to a surgeon. 💜 It's a pain and you have to strongly advocate for yourself, but oh my goodness, having this uterus out is so worth it.

I know i am a random person, but I saw what you wrote and related to it so much. I didn't want you to feel alone about it. 🩷🩷

Take care!

Sincerely, thank you for reaching out with this ask. I myself have been begging doctors to approve a hysterectomy since I was 13.

I have a lot of rage and hate toward the medical community in America as a whole for spending my entire reproductive life pleading for the pain and distress to end, only to be told what my feelings actually were and would be in the future as the justification for why I should keep suffering. My cramps are so severe that opioids don't even fully stop them, if I ever have access to any, and I've actually attempted suicide before during particularly bad cramps that wouldn't end.

Instead of taking that seriously, I've had doctors tell me to have a baby to alleviate my cramps and periods. I've been lied to about the agony that actually is getting an IUD. One OBGYN assaulted me during an exam with a speculum after I remained implacable on the subject of a hysterectomy as the only solution I would accept.

My current, latest PCP responded to my telling him that by warning me about phantom pain and cramping from a hysterectomy. He verbalized the warnings like they would work as deterrents; like I was asking for something I believed would be easy. He had no response when I replied that he wasn't listening to me: That my quality of life with a uterus is 0, and nothing in his bag of pharmaceutical tricks was going to change my mind.

I'm genderfluid and still value my feminine days, but the more this goes on, the more alienated I feel from my femininity; it's begun to feel like a weapon doctors use to dismiss and patronize me, and the organs that are associated with it have done nothing but act as catalysts for more terror and trauma. It doesn't feel like a happy thing I can celebrate much anymore.

I know COVID is hard. I know that the medical industry is slammed. I know that doctors are already stretched thin.

But there are only so many times I could take being manipulated, lied to, and assaulted before I began to despise them all. I still do. My new PCP knows very well that he's not allowed within 3 feet of me unless he asks permission, and that he has to ask permission to touch me at all. It's the only route I have toward feeling like I actually do have any control during an office visit, because doctors have systemically taken my sense of bodily autonomy away from me one appointment at a time for the past 20 years.

I'm still fighting for a hysterectomy.

I started fighting for one at age 13.

I turn 32 soon.

The excuses I'm given haven't changed in 20 years, and I'm very, very tired.

#asks #tw: suicide #tw: abuse #tw: rape #medical malpractice #medical trauma #medical abuse

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seraphiism · 1 year

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congrats on 1k!!! your writing is so gorgeous and I think about your fics so much ;o; 💕💕 im slipping in a request for the dreamscape event: dusk (or twilight!! whatever you feel fits best honestly), ☀️ belial, orchid 💓

𓆩 ღ 𓆪 𝐠𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

( I WONDERED HOW ANYONE FINDS CLOSENESS WHEN VIOLENCE IS SO NEAR TO IT )

chara : belial fandom : granblue fantasy quote cr : jeanette wintersonm a/n : omg thank u sm !!! you are so kind, that means a lot to me !!! thank u for ur support :^)

・❥・[ dreamscape event ] ༊*·˚ ⌛ fluff/angst • ☀️belial • 💐 orchid : reverence

ONE. fallen angels must yearn for redemption, don't they? their fates left to doom and damnation, wings dyed in hideous colors and impurities. but what happens when you are birthed from ruin & evils, feeding upon the existence of another, your life meant for the chasm? IT IS A VERY SAD THING, you think, TO MEET A DOWNFALL YOU CANNOT SAVE YOURSELF FROM.

& what a curse this one holds, the wicked belial, both angel and devil in a creature gone wrong.

you will find yourself in his arms one day, remember how they warned you of his unholiness ; how it would corrupt you, turn you into something you weren't. you press your head against his chest, breathe deep, listen closely :

you hear something gentle bloom and wither with love, tell him that his heart sounds beautiful. he will laugh, the fallen angel, and you will hear the self-hatred in the echoes of a false haven.

TWO. LOVE IS : twisted devotion that festers into obsession ; yearning that melds into sharp pains and agony. the severing of the heart / the disconnect between CREATOR and CREATION.

and it's supposed to hurt. it is. it is. it is, because they once told him that the things most painful are always worth it.

THIS PAIN MUST BE WORTH IT, belial will remind himself, so he'll call it love, this hatred and scorn he only knows from higher beings, because it's better to make something out of nothing.

THREE. "you are so desperate to be loved."

you feel him tremble as your fingers ghost over his wings ; how gracious they are in the way they bleed sanguine, stain porcelain with remnants of what could be good & holy.

something foreign and unspoken crosses his features : apprehension, fear -- you cannot tell. something so wonderfully unnatural, something exasperatingly innocent, something that tells you that you are right. but it fades, twists itself into guarded amusement. he chuckles lowly at such false assumptions, ignores this strange feeling of grief that buries itself in his chest.

"i've always liked the pain." he says, words light and heavy all the same as his fingers intertwine with yours. "you must have forgotten that i am already loved, hm?"

and love is not violence and violence is not love, but the teachings of angels are a vicious thing to unlearn. the admittance of defeat takes hold of you, so you cast your gaze elsewhere, instinctively avoid his eyes when he leans down to look at you. how delicate he is in the way he grabs your chin, forces you to recognize this moment as something you both will bury in dreadful hearts.

your eyes are filled with something he has never known. there is something warm about it, something so lonely and mourning for what has yet not been lost.

you swallow hard, clench your jaw, watch as his mischievous smile falters.

"yes, you are loved, belial."

FOUR. LOVE IS : lingering touches that leave fervor in their wake ; yearning that melds itself into nostalgia and quiet reverie. the understanding of two hearts that have never known better / the connect between SOUL and SOUL.

this does not hurt. it is not supposed to, it never is, you'll tell belial, and he will not believe you at first. surely this is a jest, a deception that will end with brutality. but the peace is endless, and perhaps this is the most confusing of all.

so he'll call this love, the way his name leaves your lips, and it will frighten him so.

FIVE. they warned you of unholy beings, their existence a threat to your own. they told you tales of fallen angels, sins a chaos and the bringing of a deserved downfall. how wrong the stories can be, you muse.

and there is something so profound in the time you share ; his head on your chest, your hands on the surface of where his wings reside. how fortunate he is to hear it, this steady beat. he shuts his eyes, breathes deep, listens closely :

he hears something blithe and innocent flourish in the roots of love, tells you that your heart is something he could cherish until the ends of time. you will laugh, and he will hear joy in the echoes of a home away from home.

he hums, presses a kiss to your skin as a smile blossoms on your lips.

"am i loved?" another brush of the lips, a devilish grin that you are all too familiar with.

you laugh once more, and it is the kindest thing he has ever heard.

"yes, you are loved, belial."

#belial x reader #belial gbf #granblue fantasy x reader #bites him. throttles him as he deserves #this fic took many days bc belial's character is so complex !! fights him #.: writing #.: event!fic.dream of me 🌿

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yallemagne · 1 year

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i do however think that jonathan eventually bonds with them (i mean, evidently so since he and mina name their child after all of them and i doubt he'd agree to that otherwise). of course he expects them to stay in touch with mina after the whole ordeal is over, she was everyone's favorite, no shit, but during that time jonathan himself would grow closer to everyone else too. both because he gets to interact with them in a non-vampire hunting constantly working life threatening scenario that does Not consume him wholly and prevent him from perceiving anyone around him, but also because they also realize that huh okay turns out jonathan has not been in his default setting this entire time and he's a completely likeable and approachable guy when he's not in intense murder work mode. plus they've been through like,,,severely traumatic events together so either way the whole group's just kinda glued to each other, even if jonathan never got full on chummy bud pal with them he knows that they're his people now, he's not just there as mina's husband.

i also like to think he'd have one of those Random Ass 3 am deep conversations slash therapy sessions slash bonding moments with quincey a little right before the end. but that's completely and unashamedly just because it makes the end Even sadder and i love to give my favorite characters pain. which would be even sadder considering all that because that would make quincey the first one out of the group that jonathan kind of warmed up to and felt connected to. and then like a day later he'd have to watch him d

im extremely sorry for this the anonymity of these asks gives me too many rambling tendencies and makes the angst gears turn.

OKAY. GOD. ONE DAY YOU GUYS ARE GONNA HAVE TO STOP ASKING QUESTIOns-- ᵒʰ ᵐʸ ᵍᵒᵈ ᵗʰᶦˢ ᵒⁿᵉ'ˢ ˢᵒ ˡᵒⁿᵍ

so the anonymity is the cause huh? hmmmmm

tiny callout "i doubt he'd agree to that otherwise" oh honey. Do you think he'd say no to Mina wanting to name their child (the one she birthed) after her best friends? Especially the friend who died to save her life just like he promised? I don't think Jono would deny her that, even if he never got closer to the others... ever.

Dunno how you'd have VH and Jonathan bond, and yet I wrote it into my fanfic. But well, that comfort scene required rewriting their entire meeting from the book. I had to change the focal point of the scene from being all about praising Mina in order to have these two interact on a greater-than-surface level. Yeah, I feel like this relationship's probably bunk in canon. "oh yeah, that's my wife's sexist adoptive father who actively endangered her life every chance he got. I still don't look him in the eyes come Christmas time."

Guys, the more you ask me about this the more aggressive against Van Helsing I get. I'm not trying to hate on him but you just keep reminding me he's a fucker.

I think there's potential for Jonathan and Arthur to develop a closer relationship post-novel. If Arthur's keeping to his word and being a proper brother to Mina, he's sure gonna be in both of their lives. They even got a headstart being stuck together on a boat. He's also just very weepy. It's so much easier to trust a man who allows himself to cry.

Meanwhile, if Jack stays at the asylum, I never see Jonathan opening up to him. Jonathan's a working middle-class man with sooo much baggage, confiding in a man who owns an asylum feels too much like selling yourself out to the cops. Jonathan gets to be a bit wary there. Who will defend him if Jack thinks he needs to be locked up? Mina, of course! But their team has gone against Mina in the past. Hopefully, Jack gets a new job.

Jonathan and Quincey having a heart-to-heart before they all split up... yeah sure. And I can even believe Jonathan not recording it if, say, during the conversation, he let slip that he did not intend to outlive Mina, no matter what needed to be done to prevent such an occurrence. But that comradery is taken to Quincey's grave.

There's also just the issue of what does Jonathan have in common with any of these men? 'Cause that's a big part of actively being friends with someone as opposed to acquaintances: shared interests and hobbies. What shared interests and hobbies do the Suitors have amongst themselves? Camping, hunting,,, gay sex. What do they share with Jonathan? Mina... maybe also gay sex but that's something you work UP to when you're trying to establish a long-lasting relationship.

Like, none of them like to write. And Jonathan is a poor city boy. His experience with roughing it out in the wilderness was very traumatic. I feel like if he ever does bond with the boys? It's gonna be hard. Really fucking hard on his mental state. Because he'll have to stretch himself thin doing stuff they're interested in and watching as they have fun together while he blends into the background. I know that because that's the story of my damn life. It's not enough to know rationally that people are trying to make you feel included because the very fact that it isn't working is enough to make you want to curl into a ball and ask to be sent home.

#am i projecting too much anger at VH onto Jonathan #of course i am- there's the door if that's an issue #update #people ask me things #jonathan harker #dracula daily #dracula

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macarensesangles · 1 year

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this is such a goofy thing for me to nitpick THIS hard about but here we go

im still reading that awful omegaverse fic and the wol character in this is like so weak-willed and prissy about getting dirty i'm like, how does she function as an adventurer? being outdoors constantly and performing tons of random manual labor is a YUCKY occupation. maybe im just being uncharitable because of the subject matter & the fact the whole thing Smacks Of Gender (derogatory) but it's such an obnoxious character tic for me. especially when the character is complaining about being dirty and holding up the plot to go take a bath when it is established like moments prior that LIVES are on the line and it is a time sensitive situation.

i get that this is part of a broader trend of the author trying to kind of clumsily critique the level of sometimes rather unfair responsibility heaped onto the warrior of light and the undue expectations of self-sacrifice, but i think the author does a bad job of threading that needle, so rather than coming across as like reasonably beleaguered by a thankless and trying or even outright traumatizing role, the protagonist is like, mad she has to do chores and fetch quests and get dirty sometimes. like the memes everyone makes about DRK and fetch quests but played completely straight and without any of the depth or nuance that the DRK storyline actually provided to the whole fetch quest exhaustion thing.

and also i think it doesn't work well as like dialogue with this aspect of canon because the character's internal monologue is full of rude fucking commentary about "civilians" (for lack of a better term) she does favors for and she seems to have very little concern or empathy for anyone save herself. which makes me feel like, if you have this much contempt for everyone around you why not just quit being warrior of light? fray, From DRK Questline, had this much contempt for the people around them, and THEIR plan was to quit, and their contempt was framed in a way that was a lot more reasonable because the DRK questline touched specifically on the burden placed on WoL in inflicting and suffering severe violence for people who do not appreciate or care about what that visits on them. it is not "i simply find chores annoying and other people facile and ridiculous," it's about how wol suffers and is injured and runs themselves ragged and how no one really sees or understands the trauma inherent in the constant fucking violence in their life, but they want to help people so much that they repress that pain until it effectively becomes another person (fray). like if DRK is their influence here i'm going to be mad because DRK is a lot deeper than "fetch quest annoying"

but yeah i feel SOOO much sympathy for the Sacrifices made by this wol who hears "yeah we really don't know how much time we have eulmore is about to invade slitherbough if we don't fucking HURRY to find this next lightwarden" and says "okay, but if you make me touch yucky, dirty water i WILL need to take a two hour bath." like if the sum of what your wol's sacrifices amount to are like moderate annoyance and Being Stinky i dont give a fuck

at one point she actually does get wounded too and tries to push herself onward anyway and everything but like i can't even give them points for that when they give that equal narrative weight to like. mildly irritating errands. not to honk my own tooting implement but like if you want to talk about wols with martyr complexes so severe they practically jump for joy at the chance to destroy themselves pfeil would mop the floor with her

#i need an outlet for being a hater somewhere.

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