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#IF YOU MANAGED TO READ ALL THIS IM SORRY
puppyeared · 8 months
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ive made myself more wet and pathetic
#new icon because im SUFFERING. im in HELL#its so bad. i had to sign out of discord so now im both lonely and stressed#because i KNOW im still gonna get dstracted. i just did making this URGH#how good are brains at working around things. i once set a 7AM alarm on my phone with snooze cause i was so sure my brain would#be too lazy and keep snoozing instead of actually turning it off. but nay it either kept sleeping through the alarms and snoozing#or actually managed to turn off the alarm half awake that i barely remembered it and then waking up late#i actually have a track record of climbing out of bed and turning my alarm off without remembering. which is impressive bc i have a loftbed#the other thing is setting fake deadlines so make myself panic into doing things ahead of time. but unfortunately that doesnt work either#because if theres one thing my brain will put all its energy into remembering its self assurance. meaning i WILL be able to remember#the real deadline even if i try to trick myself. cant ask someone to give me a fake deadline either#the only things keeping me going rn is that i have deadlines due at least 1 day between each other and excitement being able to talk with#crow after break. but you can see how well thats going <- ignores long term rewards in favor of short term pleasure#BTW CROW IF YOURE READING THIS IM SO SORRY TURNING OFF MY DISCORD WITH BARELY ANY EXPLANATION#im a huge fucking dumbass and i had barely enough impulse control not to block everyone in my dms because i realized that would send a real#really bad msg. youre not distracting me im distracting myself and i promise youre not annoying me i just really like talking to you and#thats why im just barely stopping myself from signing in. I WANT TO TALK TO U LOTS BUT AT THE SAME TIME IM KICKING MYSELF FOR DOING IT#you can be a little mad at me btw cause i definitely could have done that better but i was all over the place abt how to do it without#making u think im ignoring you. IF THAT MAKES SENSE. SORRY#yapping#doodles#puppysona#edit but last week i tried to schedule and give myself work periods and break periods using my class schedule#and reminders on my phone to tell me when to start and stop. can you guess what happened
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Junicrane/Starstruck Ramble
I will not be brief, all under the cut
To clear some things right off the bat:
No corpse, no proof with Juniper. Obligatory this is set in a canon where he's alive and adjacent to the agency in some way.
Reggie & Juniper are just gay to me, but I don't mind any interpretation of their sexuality
The games are set in 1967/68 to me (based on a couple bits in game) which is before it was legal to be gay in America at least (1971), which is relevant to how I interpret canon as being somewhat grounded in reality, despite unrealistic elements.
This is just an insane amount of headcanons/elements of and AU all culminated into one post. I will talk about some headcanons like they're just facts because they are established in my head, and it saves me over explaining literally everything, however I will explain some parts a little bit for clarity.
Alright. Actual beginning of the ramble:
Juniper is a character to me who had gotten so lost in his job as an actor and a social presence that in the end his whole life revolved around that 'role'. Because of this, by the time he's put into the situation where he's around the Agency, he basically knows nothing about himself, though he doesn't realise at first. Furthermore, what little identity he had has changed in so many ways. He's no longer a beloved famous actor in the prominence of public light, he's legally dead and he tarnished his career just before he was supposed to die, with the bonus of that making him lose the majority of his estate. From that, he also has horrific facial scarring from the electrical burns from literally having his face fried. I believe a friend of mine made a post about this a while ago (I also think they were the first to think it up also), but, to me, Juniper has a permanent trimmer in his right arm (aka his dominant hand) from the electrical current and it is messing with his nervous system.
All in all, he's not doing great, but he's too proud to admit that he's not doing great, because if anything, what's left of his ego is all he has as a defense since he's deep in unfamiliar water.
Before ending up around the agency (I have multiple interpretations of this, so I'm just going to bring it up generally), he'd never actually seen Reggie, and his only impression of him is a single voicemail, which was his only reference he had to later impersonate him. Juniper probably has very little feelings other than the ones he projects onto him because of Phoenix and that, at the very least, he's physically attracted to Reggie to some degree (that's like the beginning of how everything else would tumble into place in this sort of interpretation at least).
And on Crane's side? His feelings towards Juniper are probably very intense and muddled. On the one hand, he adores musical theatre, and that's his now ex-favourite actor. The thought of just casually being around him blows the bit of fanboy in him away at first because THAT'S the GUY, plus the inklings of a celebrity crush which still poke at him. And then there's the rational side of him, which knows Juniper has committed absolute atrocities on the side of Zoraxis, and hates him for that. Then there's how much Juniper comes off as an asshole at first because he refuses to cooperate with anything the Agency tried to put in place. He finds Juniper endlessly frustrating, and yet he's stuck working with him since, afterall, he's the one who knows the Agency's history with Juniper the best. I imagine him acting a lot like how he does IEYTD 1 around Juniper.
At this point, I'm just describing the pitch for a romcom.
I think the start of their relationship with one another largely started with Juniper trying to wind Crane up. It was a way of getting his attention, and I don't think Juniper knows why he's so dead set on that at first, because I don't think he realises he has a crush on 'this grump' at first. (I think that's actually the fun part about these two, because it's almost like a role reversal of the celebrity crush dynamic. This ex-big name actor has a TERRIBLE crush on an average joe and it is KILLING HIM.) But of course the Agency keeps them together because Juniper is at least conversing with Crane, so it's a start.
Through one way or another, they actually get talking casually, at least mildly at first. It takes Juniper a long time to fully deconstruct the wall he's built, and the thing is, Crane isn't the one trying to deconstruct it, at least at first, because yeah, Juniper realises if he wants Reggie to actually like him in any way, he can't keep winding him up. So they talk. Small talk at first, something rhythmic and almost easy to keep to a script. And over time that turns into actual conversations. Genuine ones in which Reggie rips out the occasional one of his jokes which Juniper is endlessly endeared about. The way he smiles just before he makes them, like he wants to chuckle at what he's about to say before he says it. That's probably when Juniper realised that he does have some vague crush on him, and that it wasn't going away.
This is what kickstarts John I can't-buy-you-things-to-impress-you-so-acts-of-service-it-is Juniper to do little things for him. It mostly starts off as him trying to make Reggie his tea how he likes it. However, the nerve damage in his arm makes that hard, as the weight of the kettle and trying to pour is hard all of a sudden. And he refuses to accept that, so he tries for a very long while. Long enough that Crane would go to investigate what was going on. And when he does see Juniper leaning over a cup with the kettle as he uneasily tries to pour it, and when Crane asks Juniper responds so matter-of-fact that his intention is nothing but genuine. And it catches Reggie off guard because Juniper hadn't done anything like that up to that point, and his very apparent vulnerability is so clearly on show.
It shifts something between them.
From that point on, conversations are longer, more familiar. Both of their attitudes soften, and Reggie makes more jokes. Juniper learns how to better use his left hand while strengthening his right back to a point where it could be used again. Slowly, they're both spending time with one another not because they have to, but just because they can. Little bits at first, not too far outside what they already were doing, but those little bits turned into long bits to a point where the other person's company was genuinely desirable.
As time passes, Juniper probably realises that he doesn't genuinely know much about himself or what hobbies he's into, because he never really had the time when he got big, and his home life in his youth wasn't bad, but it wasn't picturesque. I think Reggie would pick up on it, and absolutely try to introduce him to some things he's into. Some things stick, other things don't (corn husking very much stays Reggie's passion, and John will go with him sometimes because it's him, but it's not something he strongly cares for). Crane introduces him to a lot of music, and it's something that becomes a staple between them, with tracks they listen to more than others (tragically, I know relatively little about 60s music so I couldn't really say what). Occasionally they dance, never anything intense, think slow dancing, but the closeness is nice.
Through all of it, Juniper is battling the worst crush of his life, and he can't stand it, because I think he struggles to read people since he doesn't have anything like a script or a director to refer back to, so he has no idea if Reggie likes him back or if he's just desperate for that to be true. I think because of that any sort of confession between them would be incredibly raw, not only because of the time they live in making it hard for them to be truthful about how they love, but because it's a complete show of Juniper who's worked to be this better person. I don't exactly know how that would go, mainly because I don't have one set version of their dynamic, this post is just a generalisation of main consistent points.
Reggie does like him back, because he's gotten used to Juniper being just this guy, not a figure in the public eye, not a Zoraxis lackey, and not any sort of Agency operative (despite being under their care to some degree). He's someone he genuinely cares for, because they've given one another the time of day to learn one another, and I think because Reggie was a field agent, he was a lot better at reading Juniper than Juniper was at reading him. Eventually Juniper's company becomes something he could see around him for the rest of his life, and I think he accepts that he likes Juniper a lot more gracefully.
I think any affection directed at Juniper would at first be met with him feeling a little muddled. Reggie was a very physically affectionate person when he could be, and sure the initial flirting with one another came with the occasional little touches, but everything now was so deeply intentional. I also don't think Juniper would almost ever get over the novelty of being able to kiss him, or many other gestures, because it made the fact that they were together so very real, and it was great. I do think it comes easier to Reggie, and it's a big way of showing how much he cares, so it's important for Juniper to try and show it back because he knows how much it means to the other.
I like the idea of them eventually living with one another, too. I think Juniper would have always had a quiet little daydream of sorts where he does just live a domestic quiet life, and he can with Reggie (well, as close as they can get between the Agency and Zoraxis always being at odds), and he loves that, and he loves him, and it's immense.
I think they cook for one another a lot, it helps Juniper work on his dexterity in a controlled environment, which means a lot because it's a huge point of insecurity (that and his scars). He does improve, and Crane is proud of that and shows it and it's great. I also think they'd probably cook together too, because they can deal with being in the kitchen together and they work well with one another. It's probably a good way for them to unwind because over time they can do it in relative silence.
As I said before, I also think music is a staple in their household, and that Reggie listens to things on vinyl almost all of the time because he likes the background noise. Sometimes Juniper will catch him chuntering along to the music which he finds endlessly endearing. I wouldn't put it past his dramatic ass to also join in to fluster Reggie, but I also don't think Reggie would mind that terribly because Juniper has listened to the music enough to know the lyrics, and that's huge to him.
I don't think they are without rough patches, no relationship is, but I think the good part about them is that they're willing to talk about it (... eventually). They're used to long conversations, and while they're often less fun conversations, they're needed and they know that, and it works out.
Alright. I think I'm done for now. I haven't mentioned everything, but this definitely got the worst of it out of my system. If you ever want to hear any specific thoughts my ask box is open but other than that, behold my general dynamic for these two which has been festering in my head for years. I think they're great
#ty right-agent for explicitly telling me that this would be welcomed you a real one#i had a massive babble to my friend abt what if they all feed me to the hounds for speaking#and he said “girl that fandom is like 12 people big they need you to speak” and yeah that also helped#i have a hard time talking if I'm not asked/prompted to that's why i adding tags is great for me. that and i like the format#anyways.#THESE TWO.............dear lord can you tell I have been unwell abt them forever..#this is propeganda (/j) for them. btw. please you have to understand the potential here. it's so good.#it's slowburn <- my (probably) demiromantic ass cannot handle romance without a build up and this set up is perfect (it will never happen)#also i find it easier to write ANYTHING between these two from Juniper's perspective because i find it easier to get into his head#idk reggie is like the gay version of the: what is he thinking of? i could take a bear in a fight. audio ive heard.#whereas with juniper i have him trapped under a microscope#im going to tag this now so i can use the remaining tags to RANT#ieytd#john juniper#reginald crane#junicrane#starstruck#i expect you to die#<- being BRAVE!!!#when I get really excited i start getting like this internal shaking feeling and uh. yeah this rant started that#the worst part abt that is it also triggers my tourettes so like. double whammy. excited about blorbos? jail :(#but. yeah I uh. yeah. sorry this IS so long..I did warn but . AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHAUUUUUUAHHHHHHHHHHHHH#also i did this rant in 2 parts. last night and this morning so yeah uh. yeah.#god im so messed up about these two#make me a boat by the family crest came on while wroting this and while it's mainly a roxanix song to me......AUUUUUG.....#i struggle to find music for these sillies because they have such a specific vibe to me amd I've not quite managed to find something which -#- genuinely feels correct for them and it drives me up the WALL#GOD NIGHT SHIFT JUST CAME OF SHUFFL.....all my ieytd songs are coming out to drive me up the wall.......#FINISHED I've been adding tags as I've gone alonga#thank you for reading hope you enoyed and if you didn't im sorry
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celestair · 10 months
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"I DONT CARE HOW MUCH MONEY YOU HAVE TRY TO BRIBE ME AGAIN AND ILL KILL YOU"
nagi- "i think they dont like you very much"
reo- "and i think im in love"
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dirt-str1der · 1 year
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just wanna say im obsessed with your mind and i read your posts about kiryu like the morning paper. thank you for your service
(Sweats) e-even the ones about him laying eggs ?
#Thanks for the ask !#HIIIIII thank you for reading my posts im really a serial rambler so that is no easy feat. i just had a lowkey nightmare that was insect#based so its nice to think about different kinds of eggs once in a while. sorry for the eggs i just learned the word gravid and i cant stop#saying it !!! i literally opened tumblr to make another post about kiryu i was gonna say he was probably antisocial in his childhood which#is really a miracle any girls managed to notice him at all. and i believe that he was very dismissive of his clothing and appearance because#you know when youre young and trans and havent realised it but you just randomly hate everything about your appearance and dont even knowwhy#i think his hair was always too long and too shaggy and he would let nishiki comb it sometimes because he really could not stand his mane#and sometimes when it gets wayy too long and shitty the sunflower caretaker would drag him outside and just cut a chunk of it off with a#knife and kiryu would have shoulder length hair for a little while... anyway i need to give him a little girlfriend like how rikiya had one#when he was in school because all trans guys need a little girlfriend or an all girl group of friends to be his girlfriends when hes a kid#so he can carry their shopping bags and wait for them outside the changing room etc and kiryu cant resist a girl so he gets a letter from#nishiki and he tells him yeah this is probably a prank to have you wait there for hours or there might be guys waiting to ambush you and#beat the crap out of you. and kiryus like Nobody beats the crap out of me except our dad. and goes to meet this girl and he actually agrees#to go out with her and this is the thing that keeps him in school because otherwise he would literally not go. like hed walk with yumi and#nishiki and the rest of the kids at sunflower that he doesnt care about to remember the names of. and he would just wave them off at the#gate and wander the town in his school uniform and then after school he’ll meet nishiki and possibly yumi at the gate (yumi probably makes#other friends but its a Must to walk nishiki home because he’ll get lonely) and when kiryu starts going out with this girl hes obligated to#walk her home so he already broke rule one but nishikis like happy for him But he has to walk home with some other random guys now and#eventually theyll broach the topic of ‘his psycho sister’ and nishiki literally has to beat a few guys up to defend kiryus honour and when#he comes back with news of how unpopular kiryu is with the rest of the guys because he looks better with short hair than they do and has a#girlfriend whos super cute. kiryu is just like damn did you commit social suicide to protect my honour? youre my best friend. but whatever#kids get over it fast. but parents dont!! and kiryu walks his girlfriend right to her front door and soon enough her parents are going to#find out that the boyfriend she keeps gushing about is a girl and straight up take her out of school to make her stop being gay and kiryus#like but ... im a boy ... punches the ground and screams to the sky. anyway enough about dysphoria simulator im here to talk about this guy#when hes a bit older because im salivating and shaking over the thought of his bootyass rip kiryu you woulda loved thongs. i think hed hate#ripped jeans but only because he thinks theyre a waste of manufacturing. its literally better for the world that kiryu decided 2 transition#because can you imagine if she was a girl and needed to wear a bra? like she would literally have an itchy back all the time which would#give her a hair trigger temper which means kamurocho a&e room will be very healthily plush indeed. god my battery is dying i need to take a#shower noww anyway really thank you for the nice message you are so sweet ... hi ...
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lilowoof · 2 months
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I'm so fucking excited to get all this outstanding work done, and for tax season to fuck off. I cannot wait to have more time to play games with pals, go out with friends whom I haven't seen in a few months....go to some random meetups to meet new ppl and create new connections (and perhaps snag me a new person wink wonk LMAO).
And just...have more time to live. To stop feeling as lonely as I am feeling rn. CAUSE HOO BOY, it's been hitting me hard. And I can't do too much about it CAUSE of the deadlines I need to meet!
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afterthefeast · 6 months
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the serendipity of. only the movie so less of my beautiful autistic lesbian. but. so much freedom for big finish. so charley
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szczylpierdolony · 1 year
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wish i had the type of depression where you party and do drugs and look sad in cinematic settings rather than the one where i never leave the house barely shower and lose any remnants of a personality ive left
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maraeffect · 1 year
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haven't even been awake for two hours and this is probably the worst morning i've had in a while 🙂 cw EXTREMELY disgusting unsanitary tags.
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gothprentiss · 2 years
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again tomorrow (a penelopiad) | rating: M | wc: 5.6k
criminal minds // jemily
Season 6 AU. JJ and Emily finally give up the idea that what they want isn't good for them.
So Emily had stayed. The artful eye of retrospect might have identified that as a real beginning, but it had been a day like any other. If she were to tell a story starting there, she could only have said of it, the first thing I noticed was that she was beautiful. She was beautiful in a way JJ admired, almost possessively: like a dark aquatic bird, a well-organized mix of elegant and maladroit. She had an air of champing at the bit. This would be important, later. Nothing happened, for a while. They became friends in the conventional way, through familiarity and similarity. There was an expectation that female agents ought to get along. It was more convenient than therapy. Somewhere in that time was the beginning; somewhere, the stratagems of the heart and inclinations of the mind had slowly found symmetry. These symmetries weren’t hard to spot. You would find yourself, one day, watching her systematically bite the orange coating off a creamsicle, and be seized very suddenly by the glory and importance of life. Or you’d be watching her, in a police station bathroom, curl her hair and smoke out her eyeliner with her index fingers, and feel a swell of jealousy toward the killer she was performing for. So the man would want to show off for an attractive, interested woman. It didn’t mean it had to be this one.
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dolls-self-ships · 2 years
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hey guys, I've been having a hard time lately and it's really hitting me hard today, would any of y'all mind maybe dropping a comforting message in my inbox? Could be from an f/o or just you I don't mind either way, I just need to feel like I'm not alone right now ;-;
#my ocd has been flaring up so so bad lately and my medication isnt working as well as it used to#and i had to leave work like... 5 times this month abd I just feel so ashamed and guilty#and then when I got home for some reason my sister wasnt home even though she usually is bc its unlike her to go out unprompted#ohhhh wait as in typing this Im just remembering she had to go to the mall today#thats why shws not hime#anyway in my panic attack haze I thought bc my managers texts werent getting through to me even tho she said she had texted me just so i#could let her know I got home safe#shes super sweet- they werent getting through to me so like I started freaking out 'wait what if im dead and it happened on the walk home'#bc before I kept saying 'I wish I was dead' when really that just means 'I want to be ok and normal and not whatever this is'#so I thought I had manifested it somehow and thats why my managers texts werent getting through and why my sister wasbt home#idk why Im explaining all this in here I just need to vent I think ;-;#but im like.. gonna try to do some laundry maybe that'll take my mind off things#oh I called her by calling the store and everything was good so#and like.. my logic brain knows that Im not dead and that my sister is just getting her ipad fixed and Im able to contact the outside world#just fine but my anxiety brain is telling me that im just fabricating this all in my head and im actually dead irl#which is so dumb and out of nowhere ik but I think the whole 'careful what you wish for' thing is so ingrained into my head#and that isnt even what my ocd is about its an entirley different topic that I am just too scared to even talk about#reading this back and realizing all the typos I made is filling me with so much embarassment Im sorry for your eyes my hands are shaky
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orcelito · 1 year
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oh yeah uh i forgot to talk about my day. i havent rly been existing as a person whoops. uh
work kinda sucked but not NEARLY as bad as yesterday. honestly yesterday was probably the worst shift ive had in uh. well at least a year im betting. it was really so very bad.
today was better except Whoops my bike broke a little bit. forgot to mention that too. i left it at work overnight in the storage room n im gonna bring it to the bike shop tomorrow. so im gonna be without my bike for a few days </3
uhm. otherwise ive been procrastinating, still not doing my dishes, reading trigun fanfic and rewatching trigun stampede and reading trigun maximum. and also browsing etsy for trigun merch, of which i bought a few things.
now im thinking about skipping class again bc it's accidentally oh so late and i am very tired. i can rationalize it to myself that it's Totally for the sake of finishing my lab tomorrow. but really ive just lost control of this semester and i barely wanna do shit anymore. lol.
#speculation nation#also listened thru the 2nd trigun stampede OST album two whole times#went walking home bc i got no bike rn and i was just meandering down the scenic path#(it's thankfully not flooded anymore. a lil muddy at spots but i managed to avoid it)#saw some deer tracks. crouched by the river for a little bit. all while sipping at a hibiscus tea i brought from work#went home. read embarrassing fanfiction. swore i was gonna do the dishes and then just watched trigun stampede#went looking on etsy. went reading the manga. i swear it's overtaking my entire life.#im trying to be gentle with myself tho. saturday's shift did Not help me with the mental breakdown ive been fending off for weeks#oh yeah and easter. fucking easter. i was neutral/negative leaning but the shop i wanted to go to was closed today#which pushed it solidly in the negative direction. like for fuck's sake this is a fucking witchy shop and they're closed for EASTER?????#i wanted to go buy a tarot deck wtf. and the Spiritual Shop is closed for a Christian Holiday??? okay lmfao#meanwhile we kept having ppl call to ask if we were open today n it was just like 'man this is a bubble tea shop what do you think'#O Lord Bless This Bubble Tea for it was Made In Your Image.............#or some shit like that idfk. like yes we did have a few ppl call off for easter but majority of us are gay and/or Definitely not christian#the handful of us there kept laughing about how little we care about easter. one girl saying she completely forgot about it#and like. man. yea. easter's one of the most pointless ass holidays outside of christianity#at least there's fun in christmas for non christians in the gift giving. easter is just like. there are eggs now???#and this is to celebrate The Lord?????? ok lol#anyways yea my days r happening. i keep skipping class. probably will again. Whoops sorry professor man but im just tryin to survive now
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allylikethecat · 29 days
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ally i am positively BUZZING for todays atkh chapter
AHHH Thank you so much! I hope you enjoyed it!! I know I had a lot of fun working on it and was so excited for Pop to have a little cameo. It was nice to work on / post something light hearted and floofy after all the pain Tuesday's Ducklings update. Fictional!George took Fictional!Matty on a very special date that was VERY specific to Fictional!Matty's interests lol I hope you continue to enjoy All the King's Horses - I know I keep saying it but it really is my favorite and I am having just the absolute best time working on it! Thank you so much again! I hope you are having the BEST weekend!
❤️Ally
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silhouettecrow · 10 months
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365 Days of Writing Prompts: Day 214
Adjective: Raspy
Noun: Whisper
Definitions for those who need/want them:
Raspy: hoarse or harsh-sounding
Whisper: a soft or confidential tone of voice, or a whispered word or phrase; a rumor or piece of gossip; (literary) a soft rustling or murmuring sound; a slight trace, or a hint
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lovphobic · 1 year
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hope your ex burns tbh not only is it so fucked up but also manipulative as fuck kinda making it seem like you'd be dying to hurt them lol also kids?? with this line of thought your ex shouldn't even be allowed to drink much less be responsible for children
TRULY? HONESTLY? she was like ohh i dont know if i can commit to that and this and that bullshit. like ok so somehow being born like this WAS indeed my fault and i did it specifically to hurt you, who was born 4 years before me, who i wont meet for twenty whole years. yes that makes total sense. i gave myself this disease JUST to hurt you.
#another batshit thing she said to me. after telling her i literally cannot drive because my condition has made it so i have had multiple#surgeries on my one eye. ON. ON the eye BALL. and therefore im super light sensitive and THEREFORE would be super super fucking unsafe for#me to drive during the day (sun) and night (people who cant turn their fucking brights off) and she read all this and was like you cant jus#expect me to drive you around everywhere? like YES I FUCKING CAN? YOU WANT ME TO KILL MYSELF AND/OR OTHERS TRYING TO DRIVE MYSELF???#and then there was this other time where i was ''shutting down'' her suggestions to manage my depression. like go for a walk (outside. cant#be in the sun. live near a highway) or play online games (had horrible internet at the time. physically couldnt do that) and she got SO#fucking mad at me for shooting down her suggestions even though i wasnt doing that at all and giving valid reasons i could not do the thing#she was suggesting. and so i broke up with her! and i never got back together with her!#but oh my god she thought i did! and even though i told her multiple times that i made it clear we were not together and that i didnt feel#comfortable getting back together w her because she blew up on me over fucking nothing. she was like so you were just leading me on? you#dense cunt. i would not do that and the fact you have to ask if i would/was doing that proves you dont know shit about me#another time was when she told me. outright. knowing i am very uncomfortable w the topic. that she was going to. and i quote. 'cut the shit#out of my arms tonight' and then left the dm and didnt say shit for like half an hour. and im just over on my end panicking the fuck out of#my mind trying to reach her get any fucking message out of her begging her to fucking not. and then months later she was like heyyy um your#reaction to that moment was pretty toxic? i was having a meltdown and i literally couldnt respond to you in the moment. LIKE OK? YOU COULDV#SAID THAT IMMEDIATELY AFTER? NOT SAID THE INITIAL TRIGGERING THING TO BEGIN WITH?#she makes my fucking blood boil even to this day. there is so much more i could talk about but i think i have made my point crystal fucking#clear. like. you know what. did i deserve any of that? no. and im sorry for whoever has to deal with it next.#and we werent even together for a year. this all happened from december 21 to september 22. just let that sink in. just for a moment.#snail mail
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propertyofwicked · 3 months
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YOU OWE ME - LN
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warnings: none, just fluff (inspired by that one CL stream). this is so short pls forgive me
(also, anyone else seen the pics of lando in aus? FERAL for that man.)
“tier 1 sub - max can you tell lando to get off his computer and let me in the flat please im freezing” max reads out, bursting into laughter, “youre in trouble mate.”
max hears a travelling shout of swearing, getting quieter as lando’s headset is thrown to the desk and his entire body hurtling towards the front door.
“shit shit shit shit,” lando shouts, his fingers struggling with the keys left on the inside of the door. finally he manages to unlock the door and pull it open to see his girlfriend, rosy cheeked and a less than impressed expression.
“lando, how many times have i said to take the keys out of the door if you lock it and im not home - especially if youre not going to answer your phone.”
“im sorry baby, im sorry i know - i forgot,” he mumbles, his hands taking yours and bringing them to his face. he flinches slightly at the sheer coldness of your fingers, “do you want a drink? hot chocolate? tea? coffee? it’ll warm you up”
“i’d love a cup of tea,” you smile sadly, shrugging your horribly thin jacket off. honestly, with the typical english winter, your jacket was almost useless in combatting the cold winds anyways. you move to follow lando into the kitchen, watching him fill the kettle and move to grab a mug from the cupboard.
“come here,” you say, opening your arms slightly for lando to move into. he moves to you instantly.
“you’re not angry at me?”
“no, i am. youre just warm” you say, looking up to smile at him. his hands fall to your waist, gripping your hips and hoisting you up to sit on the counter, but he doesn’t move back into your embrace. instead, his arms move to take his hoodie off himself, and pull it over your head.
“better?”
“slightly,” you're still smiling at him as you adjust the hoodie - lando can tell you're not angry at him, just slightly irritated.
“the heating’s on, my office is warm - you wanna go sit in there whilst i finish your tea, angel?” he asks, his hand stroking your cheek, “max is on call if you wanna talk to him for a bit? he’s streaming but you already know that,” he grins, his tongue sticking into the side of his cheek.
“i think max’s chat deserve to know how bad of a boyfriend you are,” you joke, hoisting yourself off the counter, ready to march on in and complain to the stream. lando’s hand catches your arm, spinning you back into his chest. his hand comes back to your cheek, and tilts your head back.
“im sorry baby, you know i am,” he frowns slightly - you reassure him that he is forgiven by pressing a small kiss to his lips. once again you go to move, but he pulls you back in, kissing you again - repeatedly pecking kisses all over your face and eventually your lips. his tongue swipes your bottom lip, begging for more. you pull your head back slightly, desperate to go and rat him out to max but his teeth nip down on your bottom lip again to prolong the connection.
“i don’t think so, lan,” you giggle, smiling up at him again. lando groans and swears you almost skip your way to his office, excited to tell max as he prepares for a night of grovelling.
“max. you’ll never believe this man,” you sigh, after popping lando’s headset on your own head.
“y/n! how are you?”
“freezing, max. and £10 poorer now i’ve had to sub to your twitch to be let into my own flat.”
“oh yeah, thanks for the sub,” max laughs out, looking at the chat, “it’s ok, chat reckon you should invoice lando for the inconvenience.”
“i think i might have to you know, although he’s making me a cup of tea right now and i might be able to pout my way into a takeaway tonight.”
“y/n that man is so whipped i don’t think you need to pout your way into him doing anything for you,” he responds, his emphasis on anything making you grin slightly.
minutes later, lando comes into the room, using his foot to kick the door open in front of him, his hands full with your mug and your lip balm. hang on, lip balm?
“here you go baby,” he says, placing the mug down on the coaster on his desk, “i put honey in it for your throat, and i brought your lip balm ‘cos your lips are dry,” he grins as he hands you the lip balm.
“my lips wouldn’t be dry if you’d answered the phone the first time i rang you,” you say, the eye roll evident in your voice, even to max who couldn’t see your face.
“hang on, y/n, how does he know your lips are dry?” max interrupts, his laugh travelling through the headset.
“because max, when two people love each other very muc-”
“ew stop it,” lando interjects, as he sets up a second set of headphones to join in the chat.
“he’s trying to regain my love with physical affection.”
“i can tell from your tone that it’s not working.”
“well, after that ‘ew’ i think i may have to revoke all physical affection.”
“you wouldn’t,” lando gasps, his hands dramatically clutching his chest.
“order dominoes and ill reconsider. you owe me.”
“yeah lando, and send her £10 to cover the cost of the twitch sub,” max shouts, siding with you, “chat also think you should, as a courtesy.”
you don’t say anything, but turn to look at him, puppy dog eyes and a pout to complete the look.
“fine! fine,” he laughs again, holding his hands up in surrender, “i was going to offer anyways.”
“sure you were,” you and max manage to say simultaneously.
-
an hour later, your food had arrived and your saying goodbye to max and his chat, as lando goes to the door. however, by the time you shuffle into the living room, lando has began setting up netflix, sat next to a mound of blankets he’d brought in from your bedroom.
“hey you, come ‘ere,” he says, leaning his back against the arm of the sofa and tapping the space between his legs. once you were settled, your back resting on his chest, he leans to grab the pizza box on the coffee table in front of you - it went down quickly.
“funny how hungry you get when you’re left shivering in the freezing cold for hours," you think out loud.
“it wasn’t hours and i didn’t do it on purpose y/n,” lando whines, scoffing slightly at the time embellishment, absentmindedly playing with your fingers as he did.
“i know baby, i’m sorry. you’re forgiven,” you start to feel bad for him. he presses a kiss to the top of your head, before manoeuvring you both further down the sofa until he’s laying completely flat, and you roll over so that your head can lay on his chest. the two of you lay in silence for a few moments, the tv still playing quietly in the background, and you feel his chest moving with every breath.
lando's hands wander underneath his your hoodie, and begin to trace small shapes on your skin, making you shiver slightly. then, a thought hits you.
“someone needs to make a compilation of F1 drivers accidentally locking their girlfriends out because they’re streaming,” he laughs as you say it, your whole body shaking from the shuddering of his laughing, "it seems to happen more than you'd think."
“hey! i wasn’t streaming - max was, i was just there. AND! i paid you back, charles never paid his girlfriend back for the sub.”
“oh, aren’t you generous.”
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fairyhaos · 2 months
Text
❖ no such thing as too perfect // jeon wonwoo
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wonwoo x gn!reader, 2k+ words
tags: office au, established relationship, fluff, kinda crack, junhui is the best work bestieTM ever, yn is Dramatic and In Love
warnings: none
notes: this was only meant to be like, 1.2k.... idk what happened but im not apologising. also there are a couple of pov switches which i hope make sense!!
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“I think I need to break up with him,” you say, and Junhui blinks around a mouthful of salad. 
“Who?” he asks, spraying pieces of feta cheese all over the table, and you wrinkle your nose and brush away a few bits that get too close to you and your bento box. He frowns, and then his eyes widen. “Oh my god, you need to break up with Jeon Wonwoo? Why do you need to break up with Jeon Wonwoo?”
You wince as Junhui's loud exclamation rings throughout the office canteen, making several heads turn to look at the two of you. 
“Don't yell it so loud—and why are you saying his name in italics?”
“Because this is Jeon Wonwoo,” Junhui emphasises again, shoving salad passionately into his mouth before carrying on talking. “He's the only one of your boyfriends that I've actually ever approved of. Which is crazy, because Soonyoung introduced him to you, and I've never pinned Soonyoung as a guy that knows boyfriend-material guys.”
You reach over and lower Junhui’s fork, preventing him from eating and talking at the same time. “I don't know,” you sigh. “I just… I don't think this is going to work.”
“What did he do?” Junhui asks. His face morphs into a more serious look. “Do I need to murder him for you?”
“No, I— no! Don't murder him!” you say quickly, shaking your head. “He hasn't done anything wrong. It's just. I think I need to break up with him.”
The grave look melts from Junhui's face, and then he frowns. “You need to break up with him… even though he hasn't done anything wrong?”
“Yes.”
Junhui stares at you, mystified, then snatches back his fork to keep eating his salad. “Okay, so you've gone insane. Nice to know.”
You sigh at Junhui's response, rubbing your temples. 
Whilst it does sound insane for you to break up with Wonwoo even though he's done nothing wrong, in your eyes, it's actually quite understandable. 
Nothing has gone wrong, per se: you've been dating Wonwoo for about ten months now, and everything has been perfect. He's been perfect. 
Maybe… a little too perfect. 
He's always being so gentle and courteous, silently reading your emotions and knowing exactly how you're feeling at any given moment. He knows what you need before you even know that you need it—giving you little cheek kisses to remind you that you're loved, pushing a chocolate bar into your hand when you're all dizzy and tired, hugging you to sleep when you've had a bad day. 
The bento box that you're opening and having for lunch? That was prepared by him too. 
Jeon Wonwoo is just so goddamn perfect, and it worries you. 
“I don't think I'm good enough for him,” you admit whilst Junhui is busily sipping his water. 
It's fascinating how he manages to eat so frantically whilst eating so slowly at the same time, you think idly, as Junhui chokes on the tiny sip he was taking. He sets down the glass, wiping his mouth and blinking at you. 
“Sorry, what?”
“Come on, Junhui, do I really have to say it again?” you complain, beginning to open your bento box. “You heard me.”
“Yeah, and I couldn't believe my ears,” he says, tilting his head sideways. “You? Not good enough for him? Please. That's crazy.”
You make a questioning noise. “You just said that he's the only boyfriend of mine that you approved of.”
“Exactly.” Junhui stabbed his fork in your direction, before going back to shovelling leaves into his mouth. “You're perfect for him, and he's perfect for you. I predicted it from the moment you met.”
“I don't know about me being perfect for him, but he really is just too perfect for me,” you whine. “Him and his stupidly warm eyes and that smile… oh, Junhui, he makes me feel like the most beautiful person in this entire universe.” You look down at your bento box, pouting. “Wonwoo's just so perfect.”
Junhui makes a face. “Gross, but okay. I still don't see your point, though. Wonwoo's perfect, and you're both good enough for each other. I don't see why you think you need to break up with him.”
Still looking down at the bento box, you let out a sigh. All of the food is neatly packed away into the separate compartments, and he's even arranged the sesame seeds on your rice into a little heart. It's an awfully goofy but also an awfully Wonwoo thing to do, and you can feel your heart squeezing painfully in your chest, the longer you stare at it. 
This is not good. You are far too in love with Wonwoo. 
That's what you tell Junhui, and he stares at you with utter disbelief as if you've finally admitted that you really have lost your mind. 
“And what makes you think that he's not far too in love with you?” Junhui asks. “You know, one of the reasons that I approve of Wonwoo is because he's just so so in love with you. Like, almost disgustingly in love with you.”
“What?” You blink at him, before shaking your head. “Junhui, no, this is serious. Wonwoo's just so perfect and I'm so in love with him and—and it's actually getting dangerous now. I've literally fallen in love with him.”
Junhui stares at you for a long moment, wondering whether you're actually being serious about all of this. 
“That's not a bad thing,” he insists, and then chomps on his salad in frustration. “Y/N, that's not a bad thing at all.”
“Yes it is,” you say, despairingly, looking forlorn as you prop your chin on your hand. “I love him too much. It's gonna—it's gonna get too overwhelming, soon, and then he'll start thinking I'm weird, and he'll distance himself from me, and then we'll break up and I should end this before that happens.”
Junhui shakes his head. “I don't think that's true.”
“Yes it is.”
“No it isn't. He won't break up with you.”
“Not yet.”
Junhui looks away exasperatedly, because you're adamant in wallowing in your despair over having to break up with Wonwoo because “he's too perfect” even while quite happily eating the lunch that Junhui knows Wonwoo probably prepared for you. 
It's insane, he thinks, because it's obvious to him that Wonwoo loves you a lot. But he knows you and your negative thinking, and short of Wonwoo walking in here and professing his love to you all by himself, Junhui can't think of anything that could possibly convince you otherwise. 
As he looks past your shoulder to the glass doors of the office canteen, however, he blinks. 
There's a tall man entering the canteen, his dark hair all fluffy and his glasses-rimmed eyes scanning the area, lips pursed into a look that could almost be described as bored. He has his hands in his coat pockets, wearing the most simple casual fit ever, but he exudes such cold model energy that even Junhui blinks again. 
And then he watches as the man catches sight of you and Junhui, and his entire demeanour just softens. 
Junhui bites back a grin. 
Wow. Maybe he’s, like, actually psychic. 
“Wonwoo's here,” he says abruptly, and your head snaps up so fast that he can hear the audible click that sounds in your neck. 
“Where?” 
Junhui doesn't get to say anything, however, because he sees the moment that your eyes clock the tall man that's striding into the canteen, the light catching the frames of his glasses, and watches as you positively melt, in much the same way that the man had done when he saw you. 
He can almost hear every infatuated thought that runs through your mind. 
“Wonwoo,” you breathe, once Wonwoo steps close enough to the table that you and Junhui are eating at. His hair is all fluffy and windswept, and you resist the urge to smooth it down with your fingers. 
“Hello.” Wonwoo bends down, presses a soft kiss to your forehead. “You weren't answering your phone.”
“Hm? I didn't get any text notifs from you.” You check your phone, trying to turn it on, only for the screen to remain black. “Oh. Is it dead?”
“I suspected as much,” Wonwoo says dryly, but there's a fondness in his voice as he pulls out a power bank from his pocket. “Here.”
Your eyes light up. “Oh, you're a life saver!” You look up at Wonwoo, smiling at the way his eyes look so warm as he gazes down at you. “Thank you.”
Junhui slurps his water loudly. 
“Sorry,” he says, sounding not sorry at all when the two of you look over at him. “Don't mind me.”
He's grinning mischievously, for reasons that you cannot fathom, and when he leans forward to peer up at Wonwoo with curious eyes, the mischief in his grin only increases. 
“So, Wonwoo, why are you here?”
Wonwoo tilts his head, pushing his glasses up at the same time. “You're Junhui.”
“The one and only,” Junhui says brightly. “I'm Y/N's work bestie. I've heard loads about you.”
You hiss in annoyance, kicking Junhui under the table even as Wonwoo laughs amusedly, placing a hand on your shoulder affectionately. 
“Wen Junhui! Why would you say that?”
“Do you talk about me that often?” Wonwoo asks, and his tone is somewhere between genuinely curious and adoring and you kind of just wanna sit there and listen to his voice forever. 
“Oh, all the time,” Junhui says, eyes gleaming, and you snap your gaze back to him, exasperated. “Y/N loves you so much. I hear about the extent of it every day.”
Wonwoo looks down at you, raising an eyebrow. “Really?”
You kind of want to deny it, but then that would mean lying to Wonwoo, so you don't. 
“Maybe?” you say weakly, cheeks burning as you smile sheepishly up at him. “You're just, uh. Really really lovely. And, um, I kind of love you. A lot.”
Wonwoo laughs, a full and endeared laugh, twinkling with the light of a thousand suns. “I'm glad. Because you're really lovely, and I love you a lot too.”
Your eyes widen, and suddenly it's like it's just you and Wonwoo in the canteen now, him with his hand on your shoulder and those eyes, holding your very soul in place as he just smiles so lovingly and oh God you really do love him. 
“Oh,” you say, soft. “Wonwoo…”
Wonwoo just smiles again. “Anyways, I came by to let you know that I'll be finishing work a bit earlier today, so call me when you're done and I'll drive by to pick you up, okay?”
You nod, mute, stunned by the gentlest words of “I love you” that had left Wonwoo's mouth just seconds before. 
“It was nice meeting you,” Junhui chirps, but Wonwoo doesn't seem to hear, because he's looking down at you again, before swooping in and placing the lightest kiss on your nose and you feel like you could combust on the spot right there. 
“I'll see you later?” he says. 
You nod. “I'll see you later.”
Wonwoo smiles, and then the hand slides off your shoulder and he walks away. 
You watch him go, watch him walk through the tables and then get to the glass doors, where he turns around one last time to wave goodbye before disappearing outside, and really, it's insane how much you love him. 
And how much he loves you, it seems. 
“So. He took time out of his own lunch break and came all the way here to give you a charger because he knew that you'd forgotten one and to tell you that he's picking you up later?” Junhui says, making you reluctantly turn back to him. “Y/N. If this doesn’t make you see just how in love with you Wonwoo is, then I’m gonna kick you.”
“Hey, no need for violence,” you say, raising an eyebrow, and Junhui pulls a face. 
“So do you see it or do you not?”
You look over your shoulder again, out at the doors. Wonwoo’s no longer there, but you can still imagine the imprint of his warmth, lingering like the softest lavender scent over the entire area. 
“Maybe I do,” you say, all wistful and dazed, a smile on your face. “Isn’t he just so perfect?”
Junhui grins, and makes use of your distracted state to steal a carrot stick from your lunch, crunching on it loudly.
“Perfect and in love with you,” he points out. “So do you still feel like you need to break up with him?”
“Hm?”
You blink, eyes still all starry from your few minutes of interacting with your boyfriend, his soft smile etched into your mind. It takes a moment for Junhui's words to register, but then they do, and you can't help but laugh. 
“Oh. Oh, no. He and I are perfect.”
Junhui grins. He really is a psychic. 
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fics tags: @jeonginssa @weird-bookworm @minhui896 @bunnyiix @slytherinshua @haowrld @belladaises @moonlitskiiies @mirxzii @zozojella @kawennote09 @thedensworld @a-wandering-stay @abibliolife @doublasting @wonranghaeee @icyminghao @sweet-like-caramel @your-yxnnie @odxrilove @kyeomyun @crackedpumpkin @jeonride @kellesvt @sakufilms @eightlightstar @onlyyjeonghan @aaniag @amxlia-stars @raevyng @isabellah29 @hrts4hanniehae @mcu-incorrect
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