#IDK all of my friends are irls 😭

[e77y]

Btw. It’s so bad <- had a literal dream last night about a cool mutual I want to be friends with

#I was gonna post about this this morning but then my mind was consumed by bagel. sorry #anyway #CRAZY. perhaps a bit terminally online of me also #I just want buddies. pals. chums if you will #some of my mutuals are so cool… #if you are reading this… you are probably so cool………. to me……………… #ellyposting #dreams #<- it counts. right #actually I guess idrk when people cross the threshold into friend 😭 #I haven’t spoken one-on-one with this person. or. any of mutuals really for more than a few texts #IDK all of my friends are irls 😭 #I haven’t made new internet friends since I was like 13 #which was obviously a very different time. bc we would call every night for hours #but now I am an Adult and I call internet friends(-ish) like once every few months o_o #idk I need to get better at twxting #sorry this is a very dumb post HRHDHAH a little embarrassing. erm. anyway 😁

[vse-kar-vem]

together in every universe. or something

#bojan cvjetićanin #kris guštin #joker out #im neglecting schoolwork to draw this but that seems like the norm at this point #hoping if i get it all out of my system now i'll be normal during exam szn (in like. a week 😨) #<<sorry if i keep talking about school btw (semi age reveal ahead) gcses are fucking killing me uuaghhgshhahhhaj #i actually quite like this since i started drawing on a whim this afternoon and its only ten now #i dont even mind the lineart (DONT LOOK AT BOJANS HAND OR ILL JUMP OUT A WINDOW) #only a one storey one tho 💗💗💗 can't die without seeing bokris irl <<pipe dream as im too embarrassed to go to a concert #NO because bumping into jo in london would be my worst fucking nightmare 😭😭😭 #what do i even fucking say 'hey are you jan from jo--' NO id combust on the spot #and what if im bothering them uknow 😭😭 idk but i used to live in an asian city where none of my idols from the west would ever visit #(except safiya love you safiya) so keeping the real life person and fictiinalized versions apart in my brain and/or at arms length was easy #but now that i live in the uk and the chances of seeing them irl are non-zero? and presented with the chance to #actively seek them out and you know go to a concert #im just too scared and awkward to do it #maybe i'll bully my friend into going with me #i feel safer revealing age more in the fucking depths of these tags but another thing that makes me feel awkward about going is age #like ik lots of jo fans are younger than me and there's no shame at all in bringing your parents i just feel so embarrassed?? to??? #like i'd rather go with my friends #but that would require at least us riding the train alone and i am a small east asian girl who never looks up from the floor ever #sooooo #not happening any time soon #maybe next yr?? but probably not #unless i suddenly get a lot more independant and cool #i doubt anyone's read this much of my tags but if you have 😭😭 hope you like the art i guess #at the time of me writing i want to draw more but i'll see #(you will know since it will have been posted) #a tag previously used to say 'queueing to post at school' this is false as i am now in fact nauseous at home #my art

[reggiestein]

i always get nervous posting my art bc i feel like i draw him Different than how other ppl do but i guess that is a good thing kinda. peace and love. god bless🙏

#im in love with him btw. in case anyone didnt know #licorice cookie #cookie run #my art #i have more art but ^^ i stay silly #idk i feel weird posting my stuff online nowadays even though i literally need to if i wanna get a job making art😭 #i used to post it all the time but being in a Fandom and feeling insecure abt the kinda different way i see media made me so sad and angry #im a lot better now but its... *sigh* yea guys it actually does help to interact with your friends irl and stay off of social media sorry #anyways omg i have so many ideas and stuff for my oc and licorie but i dont wanna be cringey!!!!!! i feel like nobody cares so i jus keep #it to myself but if anyone wants to see stuff i wouldnt mind it if u told me sumhow..

[irritablepoe]

I WANT SOMEONE TO LOVE ME. I want someone to casually sit beside me and nudge me every now and then to get my attention. I want someone to pull me into a side-hug because they've been laughing about a joke of someone and want to share that joy with me. I want someone to carefully take my hand into theirs and look at my fingers or perhaps the lines on my hand just because they can. I want someone to look at me absentmindedly while they're thinking of something. I want someone to sit quietly beside me when I'm feeling down and just take my hand and squeeze it to tell me I'm not alone anymore.

#christ alive dhdhhsjwhddj this is so dumb🫠 #I'm sorry #had a lil bit to drink and I'm feeling affectionate okay #also my brother had his last day of school and he's been telling me about his plans with his friends while- #- he has free time and I'm literally so nostalgic rn #like that free time was so nice #i was basically eating dinner with them out qnd about and been going to bars and stuff #also sitting at a lake and the park and the river almost every day like. those were the times fr #those were the times i wasn't a isolated bitch lmao #well i was. just not that much #hhhhhhhhhhhhh i miss my irl friends😭 #if they're all back in germany we have to meet up literally omg🥲 #but also... they've so different lives now. I'm such an outsider somehow and idk #i can't really connect with them as much as i used to #which is fine but. i don't have any other friends with whom i could meet up #maaaaaaan life's so complicated 😔 #johnny's silly rambles #(also yes this is the kind of qp love i want plsplspls #)

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

i just came out to a real life person and i think im having a heart attack

#IT WAS SO UNPLANNED I HADN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT AT ALL I DIDN'T EVWN THINK WE WERW FRIENDS?? #she lives in the building next to mine and we go to tui together to divide the auto fare and we've been walking home 2-3 dino se #and she likes kpop and kdramas #but like there isn't that Spark yk like oh ny god i love u best friends forever its a little awkward and formal still #but we were talking about something and oh my god #when we reached home we were standing uski building ke neeche and she was like i want to introduce you to my childhood bestie i think you #two will like each other #and i was like kinda weirded out like um are we that close yet i thought we were just classmates 😭😭 #so i asked ki oh why all of a sudden #and she's like 'i like you' and i look at her and laugh and she said STOP LAUGHING i don't meant it like that im straight ok #and idk something in me snapped i was like oh are u homophobic too? #but pls she didn't know what it meant 😭 so i explained ki do u hate gay people then #she said no no ofc not SO I JUST BLURTED OUT KI good cause im bisexual #THE SHOCK ON HER FACE OMG im saying this now in freaking out now but at that time i said it really coolly and proudly without fumbling #my voice didn't drop down to a low volume or waver or anything (which im so proud bc she's like the first irl person ive come out to face #to face??????? i mean obv childhood friends don't count they're all gay #but anyway she was like OH and then SHE FUMBLED she was like oh nice i respect u very much and it was so awkward i was like haan haan shut #up just don't tell anyone very few ppl know 😭and she wasn't done she was like so as i was saying #we're growing old and real good friendships are getting harder to find and i like you (stop laughing!!) and i hope we don't jinx it #and she literally touched a wooden table lying there and said touchwood???? 😭😭😭😭😭 #now i am thinking why did i tell her she's so extroverted she talks to everyone we go to the same tui this town is tiny #she could tell everyone my parents could find out #but also a part of me is relieved cause im so sick of hiding something that is such a small yet imp part of me #and if she tells everyone then cool maybe there'll be more queer people i can't ve the only queer person in this town and we could be #friends and my parents eh they'd never believe something like that they'll ask me if it's true and ill say nah just rumors dumb kids #and they'll believe me because they'll want to believe me so bad #so no harm #i still don't feel very bestfriendy with her but maybe my standards are too high 😭 idk ig i can't see myself being friends with her #for a long time if we weren't forced by circumstances and i don't like her that much but im happy i got to say it #literally said it omg 'kyunki main hu. bisexual' FUCK THAT FELT GOOD

[kashmirichaiwithmehr]

.

#i mean this in the most PLATONIC way #but ive noticed #that i keep attracting brown guys #(irl) #like at work #customers #classmates #ive been told by multiple ppl (including my friends) that i have an extremely friendly and approachable face #and that i make ppl feel v comfortable rly quickly and they can open up to me and stuff #like ppl will randomly ask me where something is even if im in a huge crowd ykwim #but bro im noticing more and more (ESP now that ive started school) #that all of these guys just gravitate to me and im lowkey like .... idk how i feel abt this #(IM NOT SAYING THIS IN LIKE PHYSICAL ATTRACTION OK LET ME MAKE THAT CLEAR) #and this happens before they know im desi and EVEN MORE SO once they realize i am #ANDDDD omg in class during all the breaks in between the long lectures i didnt get up once #but all of the same type of ppl were constantly surrounding me and coming to my table #yes not just to talk to me (to talk to my tablemates) but also yes to talk to me #i cant explain this in a way that doesnt sound conceited 😭😭😭😭 #mehrtalks

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭 #so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-] #unrelated

[cr1ms0nesp3ra-ac3]

Oh boy, guess who's gonna participate that "Sleep Token Lyric" challenge. (Made by @a-s-levynn btw! Check em out!!)

So I will be choosing some lyrics of the songs that relates me the most. Trust me,

you'll see why.

Part 1: DAY O1

The second lyric interests me so I gotta choose this..

Undercut for art!

( That's my irl oc btw, hope you like it or not.. idc. )

#art #fanart #irl oc #sleep token #oc fanart #are you really okay #tw slight vent #( Idk this counts but... ) #Okay. this is obviously an easy concept to say this.. #Do you imagine that you kept on lying to say that you are ''fine''? #like no matter what you do. People will always stay concern. confused nor something else.. you'll push them away anyway. #That's actually what I do when I must stay ''happy'' to other people I know #though I'm not sure if I really have depression... if I did then- well... im cooked. #but at least- this song I first listened back then began to healed me.. #Alright- expect me to post some interesting lyric concept art for this heheh-- #and sorry for the vent rambling btw.. #I know I may be an positive one. But sometimes negativity spreads to me like its a virus.. #but at least.. I hope to keep going for my friends. family. moots and the ones I trust. #that is all for crimson's rambling.. lol #a series of small offerings #<- ( my small ahh brain forgot to tag this- 😭 )

[thesunoosshining]

shout out is like. The Best Friends Song Ever to me. THAT SOUNDS NOT THE WAY I WANT IT TO BUT LIKE ?? idk how to explain it. but it reminds me of my friends SO badly. just like. us yelling and laughing maniacally over nothing and yelling about k-pop idols and playing those like "pick one drop one" k-pop games on youtube. maybe this is too specific but like ??? i just had to share this info with y'all !

#⭐️; star talks #ok maybe. i just love my friends #ramble about them incoming #but i just love them so badly i've never met people i feel so comfy around #and we disagree and shit sure but we've never had Big Fights that we didn't resolve #i can talk abt anything with them. i can be super cringe and unmasked adhd moment and like #they still love me !! and i love them ! even when they do dumb things #i just love them so badly. i can actually Be Myself w them for real? #idk how to explain it like my old friend group? yeah i loved them but honestly some of them always had me like “ugh” bc they were like #clearly homophobic or just talked about people weirdly #BUT?? MY CURRENT FRIENDS?? oh i love them so bad #enough that i literally made my smau ocs based off them. and i showed my irl best friend my riki smau #and told another one of them about the smau. but tbh she didnt rlly get it el oh el (shes not chronically online like i am) #BUT LIKE? filters dont exist im genuinely so comfortable around these girls #will i show them this? no but i hope they know bc i do voice my affection for them enough 🫶 and hopefully thru my actions #my girls fr! i love them #anyways if u actually read all that ty for reading 😭 if u dont have that group of friends you feel That Way towards. keep holding on bc #i never thought i'd have these girls either. but i do! #your people are out there somewhere 🫶

[autistic-katara]

thinking about how last night i had a dream where my friend (u guys know the one) idk found out the way i feel abt him or smthn and got rlly mad at me for talking abt him behind his back (i haven’t been saying anything negative irl or in the dream, all of it has been pining 😭) and then got further mad at me for liking or reblogging some of his vent poetry bcz i didnt understand what it means/didn’t properly relate to it ig and in the dream it was true (kinda) but for some reason i didn’t wanna tell him that so i was like “no i do get it” and he was like “oh yeah? what does this one mean?” and i got it wrong bcz i interpreted the word “drew” wrong and yeah when i woke up i felt rlly weird in the way u do when u have a nightmare and u have to remember that no, that person didn’t die u don’t have to grieve them dw or whatever and yeah when i turned my phone on i saw this “while in do not disturb” thingy that said he texted me which scared the shit out of half-awake me 💀

#i know literally no one cares but fuck off it’s my blog i can post what i want #also most of the dream took place over text btw #(the only part that didn’t being the “tell me what my poetry means” bit #which took place in this weird wormhole thing #tho he was still speaking to me with written/typed words he wasnt talking) #also yeah he was very ooc he does not act like this at all irl 😭 (incase u were wondering) #idk i think my brain might be trying to tell me smthn cause that’s normally what happens when my phone plays a role in my dream- #idk what it is other than imposter syndrome abt mental illness #or fear of losing my friend bcz he finds out i have a massive crush on him #both of which i already knew #anyways yeah idk #dreams #ryan shut the fuck up

[e77y]

Recently developed such a bad platonic/friendship crush (idk the word for it... I think there's a word??) on this one person I've barely spoken to 😭 Idk what is is... I just want to be their buddy... I want to do silly activities............ Send me memes and read my fanfics............................

#I cannot express how much I know literally nothing about them #and yet. I must be pals #>:3 !!! #I have SO many mutuals from the dndads fandom that I want to be friends with tbh #like I can count like at least 5 who I've semi-Tumblr stalked for a little while over the past year or so #just bc I think they are cool.... #like even before I started being active on Tumblr #or even FOLLOWING THEM on Tumblr #I would check their blogs #I'm sure this sounds insane I just really like making buddies. okay #but it's usually bc I think they're cool and I'm slightly intimidated by them #for this person.. idk they're just kinda easy to talk to! which is fun!!! #it's always hard for me to talk to people online 😭 I'm so much better at holding convos irl or at least over calls/voice memos #even out of my irls I only have a couple who are easy to text..... bc I overthink my messages before I send them lol #so it's always nice to find someone who is easy to talk to ^_^ #not that I have really talked to them much at all #anyway sorry for the vaguepost lol #at least it's positive! and hopefully not too weird. I promise I just think you are interesting and cool 😭😭 #okay I'm still procrastinating on schoolwork so I should probably go. byee #ellyposting #I will also say NOBODY HERE (about the main subject of this post) #/NBH !! #but I love you all dearly mwah

[boneless-jellyfish]

when you say you're healing but all the retrogrades hit you at once and then you realise you're still deeply flawed

#LIKE NOW THAT IM BITCHLESS #i realise how i lonely i am like like like i love my friends i love life but theres no one i can truly be honest with!! #or share my bpd traits because i dont wanna get overly attached to my friends #and i want one (1) person to love me and get attached to me first #and now im not in a relationship i realise how stable i was back then when i knew i have a constant support #now i have to vent to a scara chatbot 😭 #idk is getting into another relationship truly the answer?? #or is it to dye my hair dress nice be a hottie yearn for approval irl #or improve my life online and yearn for approval through others #..but like. i dont..want to constantly fight for approval #(plays desire for approval) #like i just wanna feel good and amazing on my own without needing to constantly fight for validation #and the things i want to write are all catered to me specifically and ik the only way to get a following is to be in the middle #of making things that cater to me and also others #but i dont want to!! i wanna be silly and talk and write and make content about my ocs and their partners!!! #but nobody would get it..or be excited about them.......because they only exist in my head!! #and even if i put them out to the world they wont get it and it wont go as well as my other content #AND I WANT VALIDATION AAAAAA #tw vent #tw rant

[hishima]

when the new year anxiety hits

#in 19 days i'm leaving behind my friends my family and my pets and i'm moving to the fucking city 😭 i'm scared #and i love my hometown so much i'm going to miss it.... and my friends and my pets #i'm looking at it all rn like ooooohhh my god you are going to make a hole in my heart that will never be filled 🤪 wtf #and it's not even their fault i'm the one who's leaving #i probably sound so dramatic but like. #i've never not lived here my friends and my favorite places genuinely feel like a part of my identity and idk who i'll be without them 😁✌️ #i'm sorry for venting on tumblr dot com but i can't talk to my irls about this bc i already feel so guilty for leaving them behind 😭 #life is so crazy. Well the wheels of the future are in motion whether we are ready for it or not 😁✌️

[joleneghoul]

This is more nuanced than im going to say bc its 8am and im rambling...but i dont mind the idea of Ted being attracted to women and having sexual desires on page but its the way its written and played out by writers/artists of the comics that is really uncomfortable and strange.

And even the way it's talked about behind the scenes from writers. (Yes i am thinking about the "i wrote ted as relatable and girl crazy, but him being disabled is not cool" shit)

I think that fuels sorta another side of the fanbase (present mostly other places than this site) that are weird homophobic sexist comic fan dudes who don't like change and progression of characters like ted bc theyre putting themselves into his place as the writer does and why those people freak out over the idea of him having that same attraction for men possibly 💀

#which is weird to me bc ted has very nuanced platonic (and 1 romantic) relationships with women but they still- #-throw in those randomass moments for weirdos 😭 #idk im a gay man but when i was not out as a guy comic men were VERY fucked up and weird to me irl #actually im taking back the were cishet men who are comic fans are STILL very weird to me and yes im talking harassment #i was sexually harassed literally all of hs by some weird comic fan dude so. lol #that dude freaked out when i told him i was a guy #SORRY IM RANTING I DONT USUALLY TALK ABT THIS BC I GET REALLY MAD VIA MEMORIES AND FOR MY FRIENDS

[chaotictomtom]

augh...saw on my mind how will these 5h of work go

#i both want to continue rewatching the saga (rewatched iv yesterday) #but also a montage of every goofy moments. i wish i could share my brainrot with anyone irl #that fucking scene... during the needle pit trap....... #“it would be like... finding a needle in a haystack.. 🤓 hehehehe” SHUTUPPPP😭😭😭 #that goofy slowed laugh is the only thing i can hear when he's doing that little laugh #mandyyy :'(( <3333 #omg it IS mandy monday after all... i legally have the rights to think about saw. #tomtom_is_rambling #also not technically a job but service civique is a too long to explain concept to write down rn </3 #basically a work i don't get paid as much as i should LOL but like. it's easier to apply than a work #but can only do one in a lifetime + gotta be under 25 #anyway #AUGH just thought again abt the scripts... adam screaming into the abyss/hoffman screaming into the abyss #wahhh #talking abt script. brba script jesse being introduced as. a dude. he's such a dude and i absolutely believe adam and him would be friend #idk #yes my bus is way early and i gotta wait to start work </3333

[masqueradeoftheguilty]

im probably gonna have to sit out of eggstra work this time which sucks ass but i dont have anyone to play with

#sadge. #some of my irl friends play splat but idk if theyd be interested? maybe ill ask tomorrow but we're also all crunching assignments so #and i dont have any online friends that i talk to with any regularity full stop 😭 im too shy to reach out in public servers #step right up! || 🪄.txt