#idk i think my brain might be trying to tell me smthn cause that’s normally what happens when my phone plays a role in my dream-

[autistic-katara]

thinking about how last night i had a dream where my friend (u guys know the one) idk found out the way i feel abt him or smthn and got rlly mad at me for talking abt him behind his back (i haven’t been saying anything negative irl or in the dream, all of it has been pining 😭) and then got further mad at me for liking or reblogging some of his vent poetry bcz i didnt understand what it means/didn’t properly relate to it ig and in the dream it was true (kinda) but for some reason i didn’t wanna tell him that so i was like “no i do get it” and he was like “oh yeah? what does this one mean?” and i got it wrong bcz i interpreted the word “drew” wrong and yeah when i woke up i felt rlly weird in the way u do when u have a nightmare and u have to remember that no, that person didn’t die u don’t have to grieve them dw or whatever and yeah when i turned my phone on i saw this “while in do not disturb” thingy that said he texted me which scared the shit out of half-awake me 💀

#i know literally no one cares but fuck off it’s my blog i can post what i want #also most of the dream took place over text btw #(the only part that didn’t being the “tell me what my poetry means” bit #which took place in this weird wormhole thing #tho he was still speaking to me with written/typed words he wasnt talking) #also yeah he was very ooc he does not act like this at all irl 😭 (incase u were wondering) #idk i think my brain might be trying to tell me smthn cause that’s normally what happens when my phone plays a role in my dream- #idk what it is other than imposter syndrome abt mental illness #or fear of losing my friend bcz he finds out i have a massive crush on him #both of which i already knew #anyways yeah idk #dreams #ryan shut the fuck up

[fairycosmos]

IMPORTANT deleted and remade tumblr and in that time I really missed you and your blog like I’ve been sending you ask and you’ve been such an angel that for awhile this became my safe space 💕 Anyway I’ve started to talking to a friend for awhile and my dilemma is that they were worked up bc they were going to jail the next day and I never really told them how abusive home is. I’m okay but I just feel really guilty and idk their out now or smthn but I just don’t know how to reach out 😖

hey my love!! are you able to reach out to them on any form of social media? or maybe ask a mutual friend for their phone number if that’s possible? i feel like something in that vain that would be your easiest option. it’s low key, doesn’t put too much pressure on anyone, causal etc. i know it’s tough to reignite an old relationship, and it’s way easier said than done, but it seems like your friend could probably use some company right now, anyway. readjusting to life when you get out of jail is fucking hard, so rekindling an old connection might be just what he/she needs. this could be a really wonderful thing for the both of you. a simple “hey, how have you been doing?” is a good place to start, it doesn’t have to be a big deal. then if they’re cooperative, once you open up into a deeper conversation, you can tell them how you’ve been feeling and get it all off your chest. i’m sure they’ll appreciate the honesty. look, it’s ok for it to be a bit awkward or tension filled at first, but you’ll get back into the rhythm of the friendship before long - adapting is inevitable. it won’t always be uncomfortable. all it takes is one of you to make the active choice to reach out. the fact that you feel the need to is a sign that it’s meant to happen. also i totally understand feeling guilty for not being totally honest with someone you care about, and it’s alright to process guilt if that’s what you’re naturally feeling, as long as you try to cope with it in a healthy way. but at the same time always remember that who you talk to about being abused is completely your choice, and you dont owe that information to anybody. you haven’t done anything wrong. there’s no shame on your shoulders, even if you wish you had done things differently. when it comes down to it, you can find some closure by quite literally making the decision to seek it. i feel like this is such an obvious answer lol and i apologize for that, i wish there was something i could actually do for you, but if you intuitively want to talk to them, just do it. your anxiety will try to trick you into thinking it’s going to end badly, but that’s super unlikely when you look at things objectively. feeling weird about it is to be expected. your worries are manipulating you cause you’re scared. but it’s ok to be scared, it’s normal. you can work through it and still do what you need to do to be happy/content. you’re stronger than you think you are !! 

+ are you still in an abusive home or were you able to get to a safe environment? i’m really hoping it’s the latter. if not, please always keep in mind that there are many resources and ways to get yourself out of danger. whether it’s through school or legal protection or health and safety services in your community - you don’t have to stay silent about being mistreated and you don’t have to go through it alone. support is available in so many different forms, it wont be as scary as you’re expecting it to be. and your brain will probably try and try and try to convince you to stay quiet but what you actually do is up to YOU, not your insecurities/fear. even if you just consider the idea of reaching out, then that’s something to be proud of. i understand that it’s not black and white, and i’m sure you’re in a very complex situation, but even picking up the phone and calling a hotline to see what your options are could help you out a lot. there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be safe and secure, and you deserve to be. even if you dont feel like you do, you do. please try to consciously appreciate and love yourself enough to protect yourself. even in the smallest of ways, even if you feel stupid doing so.

also you’re super super fucking sweet, i cant believe you missed me aaaaa?? thank you so so much for being so kind and genuine. the fact that you viewed my blog as a safe space just warms my heart more than i can express gjfkdlsjfkds :(( i appreciate it with all my soul 💕 i’m sending you all of the love in the universe lil angel. i’m always here if you need someone or if you want to talk about this properly, hmu anytime.

#anon #tw abuse