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am-i-the-asshole-official · 9 months

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WIBTA if i don't design my grandpa a tattoo of his dead mom I never met?

I (20 M) and my grandpa (50s? M) have a pretty good relationship. We don't talk very often because he lives in a different state, but we see each other a few times a year when he visits town. Our relationship has grown pretty shallow because of how little we interact with each other, as we haven't had any deep conversations or interactions since I was about 14 when he moved out of state.

Due to this, he still pretty much sees me exactly how he did when I was around the ages of 7-10 as this was when he was in my life the most. I've been actively going by another name since age 13, he knows, but he refuses to call me my name (despite it literally being my legal middle name that he's always known and used to call me it before I decided to reject my legal first name). He's sat me down in private telling me he would never call me my chosen name because it's too hard for him to remember. I'm kind of bitter to him towards this and am allowing our relationship to become more shallow. I'm trans and I know he'll never see me as a man, because he basically sees me as a 10 year old girl and no matter what I do he won't respect my identity. I don't think he like...believes in trans people but we've never had a direct conversation about it.

Now heres the actual situation: a week before father's day, he messages me on facebook at midnight asking me to design him a tattoo alongside my cousin (25 M) who is in a complete other state and is also kinda shallow towards him due to being closeted as bi and my grandpa being homophobic to mlm (he's ok with lesbians bc my cousins mom is one and she's the favorite child lol). he wanted a tribute tattoo dedicated to my dead great grandmother that I never met and don't care about at all. This is completely out of my scope of artistic skill as I mostly draw suggestive art of thick anthro women and I don't want to make a tribute tattoo for someone i never met? Considering how porn-y my style is I think it would be disrespectful to do it as well. Also I was high as fuck when he messaged me. I don't know why I did, but I agreed to do it and then asked my cousin to do it, despite him also never meeting her. He agreed to handle it. Weeks pass

A week or so ago, my grandpa came in town and the first thing he said to me is "Hey girl! Where's my tattoo?" and I was instantly uncomfortable but i just shrugged it off and made a joke and it didn't come up for a while. It turns out my cousin didn't draw the tattoo either, but I don't blame him too much ngl. The whole week he was in town, he kept bugging me about doing this tattoo for him and I kept shrugging him off. My mom, who actually knew the lady, made a tattoo design and it was really clever and personalized and well thought-out, but he rejected it because it wasn't my cousin or I who designed it.

I never plan on making it. Should I just do it to get it over with?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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solarwonux · 4 months

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I think I have boy problems????

Well...would it still be considered boys problems if I am the one creating them in my head??

Anyway, buckle up for the ride if you want to know all about my boy problem/not problem.

Backstory...I've stayed away from dating for a long time for a lot of reasons. And to be honest I am very happy being single. It's fun, but until recently people have mentioned or asked if I had a boyfriend bc I just look extra happy and pretty. And I'm like nah it's just me, I am just happy. But it did get me thinking should I go back to dating??? It's something I've been toying with for like a months or so. And my friend constantly wants to set me up with someone. I don't know how I feel about apps, but for now it's a no for me. Now, that that is out of the way...here's the situation.

More backstory, a couple of weeks ago. A co worker of mine who has been dating was like "I'm going on a date with this guy I met from bumble." She had previously told me about him but then I asked to see a picture. And let me tell you the world is fucking small. The guy that she was going on a date with is friends with my friend. And I have previously only heard about him and I've seen pictures of him. So I told my Co worker this and then she told him when they went on the date that they had somebody in common. She did tell me about her date and she said that honestly he gave her more like friend vibes and that she isn't looking for anything serious but he is.

Flash forward a couple of days I meet up with my friend because we are going to Hong Kong together so we were finishing planning our trip. She tells me that she hung out with the guy during the weekend, and that he kept asking about my Co worker, but my friend doesn't know her, she's only met her once. And he tells her that they had planned to go on another date, but that something came up and they decided to move it to another day. As of right now, I'm positive they still haven't gone on that date.

Now flash forward again to Saturday night. My friend is celebrating her birthday and this is the first time that I officially meet this guy. The first thing he says to me is "hey you're _____ co worker." And I was like yeah. We start walking to the first destination of the night it's cool we are vibing. But whenever I meet someone for the first time I am always really reserved, until I feel comfortable. Then we go to dinner and one of our other friends there says "hey you guys are matching you should send a picture to (co worker name), it would be funny." Tbh I laugh it off and move on.

Then we get to the first bar, but on our way to the first bar I think he asks me how my co worker is and im just like "fine," idk if he wanted more deets on her but hes the one talking to her he should just as ask her straight up. But anyway at the first bar after a while he comes up to me and was like "Let's take a picture so I can send it to _____." And so we take the picture (tbh I'm offended that he didn't even send me the picture it's kinda cute.) Then we start to get more comfortable with each other.

We go to the club and this is when things start to get a little complicated. Mind you we didn't leave the club until like 4 am. But anyway, I don't drink anymore when I go out for a lot of reasons. But he asks me and I'm like "oh I think I have an allergy to alcohol " which honestly it's not a lie. My nose gets really runny when I drink and I get really red. Then everybody is dancing, we are all having a good time. He's a dancer but so am I so we start having like idiotic dance battles with our other friend. And the vibes are good.

Then at some point I do ask him to dance with me. It started out very innocently but then things get very heated and touchy. We last like this for a long time, maybe like 4 songs. Then I try to teach him how to salsa and bless his soul he's trying. But this lasts for like another couple of songs. But then I see my friend crying so I was like "bye my friend is crying," so I went to see what happened and I do have a vague idea of what happened, but I just sit down quietly next to her. And he comes to sit down next to me.

Flash forward an hour later we do the whole dancing thing again. We are touchy, I try to get him to salsa. But then it's time to leave. On our way to the restaurant we are walking alone together and just talking. He's asking me how long I've been living in korea and how long I've been studying korean. And maybe you could classify this as flirting but tbh I am clueless when a guy tries to flirt with me.

Moving on we eat dinner/breakfast bc at this point it's like 5am. But it's finally time to go home. All our other friends call cabs. But me, my friend him decide to just take the bus or train home since the first train was going to open in like 30 mins. We are walking and I said "I almost fell in spanish." And then he says something that can insinuate do you want to kiss me in spanish. But not like that it's pretty complicated but earlier in the night while we were eating dinner my friend and I said "saliva" in spanish, which there are a multitude of ways. So basically he brought that up again.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. I said "lol stop saying that." And then my friend was like "omg you're insinuating that you want to kiss Laura." And I don't know if he was trying to deflect it at first but she kept like joking with him about it and I can't remember if my friend was the one who brought up my Co worker or if he did. But I did say "she wouldn't care if you did." Because in all honesty it just seems like she wouldn't especially if she has hinted that he's not really interested him.

Now my problem is...I think I now have a stupid crush on him. I have the means to contact him in a bunch of different ways. But first idk if I should because even though I am interested in him. I just don't think he would he interested in me, just given my track record nobody ever is. And if he was I think he would've at least tried to say something by now. Also it could be very possible that I'm the only one that remembers what happened bc I was the only one who was sober. So he might not know what happened, which makes me feel terrible. But there's also like my Co worker, like I don't want to be that person who steals somebody from someone.

So it's just a frustrating situation because I can see myself getting to know him. And he's also the first guy i feel comfortable with. Like i let him touch me and it didnt feel bad but good. And i dont know if you guys know me or remember but if you're new here just know that last year in april something very bad happened to me involving a guy. And since then I've been repulsed by men. But he's the first one that I haven't felt that way with.

And like idk what to do but I already cried about this so many times. Like should I make a move or just send him a message or forget about it because I'm delusional and like he is not interested in me.

Ugh I'm sorry for ranting. It's just my real friends from back home were not helpful at all. And it's to long to explain to my friends here over text so I rather tell them in person when I see them. But for now I just needed to get it off my chest.

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inkofamethyst · 5 months

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November 20, 2023

Weekend thoughts.

So I've had an album to help deal with anxiety for the past couple of years, and I think I now have an album to promote self-confidence and hype myself up before an event. Beyonce's Renaissance has been played regularly this semester (almost) straight through. It's great for a power walk to campus.

UGH okay so six months to the day after my last day of undergrad my school-supplied free HBO Max subscription was cruelly ripped from my grasp without warning. I knew it was coming eventually, and I've been working on clearing my watchlist for months. Unfortunately, their bet was totally on point. I immediately resubscribed. And best believe imma watch every CENT's worth (I watch a minimum of 1-2 Batman episodes a day these days, and when you consider the convenience, the cost isn't bad). So it seems that my streaming service hopping has begun, as it's neither necessary nor responsible to pay for several services that all have the same role. (I might let Max go over break to focus on reading and watching shows on my parents' accounts at home.)

My... ceramics-friend (a cohort member) invited me to a friendsgiving she was hosting (she knows a lot of people who live in the area), and it was not a bad time at all. I get nervous in situations (lol there could be a full stop right here) where I only know the host, but a couple of people I knew/was acquainted with showed up and that made things a bit better. I employed my usual strategy of "find a place to sit and then stay there" and that was good. I didn't stay to the end, but pretty close. I did meet some really cool people!! (Side note: I don't really drink bc I don't care for the taste, but we're now at the age where a goldenish drink is more likely to be gin with other flavors than apple juice and now I know that it is absolutely necessary to ask what something is before filling a glass (but best believe I finished my whole (tiny) glass like a big girl). I tell people that I'm a bit stunted due to covid but truthfully it's just because I'm pathetic boring uh uhh.. intensely introverted (still gotta mind how I talk about myself these days, even an unchecked joke could set my progress back)).

This summer I'd bought two pairs of Docs (one on a whim and then another that I'd wanted for years and years) because they were both ridiculously discounted. I'd broken in the impulse pair over the last several months (1461 patents, they're going to be my ~conference docs~ I think) then a week or so ago decided to start breaking in the other pair (1460 Nappa). Ngl, I thought they were a huge mistake at first. Tight, inflexible, tough to put on. My feet HURT. But. After a couple of days out (only a few hours at a time), they feel quite a bit better. Still months to go, I know, but I feel relieved.

Last thing: after having my third eye opened to the idea of building equity through a house and feeling intense rage against the idea of renting for the rest of my life (specifically if I choose to settle in one place), I've come to realize that this foreverrent thing touches more than just housing. I want to own my favorite albums now, my favorite movies, shows. I don't want my ability to consume my favorite media to be at the mercy of a streaming service. The most difficult part of that though (after figuring out the list of what I want to own and also paying for it over time) is figuring out where to store the hard copies. This might be a problem I spend more time working out this summer when there's less going on, but now that I'm ~radicalized~ I just wanted to state that it's on my radar. It's probably not reasonable to chip away at this while I'm in this apartment since it won't be my final place in grad school and I don't want to move more boxes than needed.

Today I'm thankful for.. uhm uhh OH I'm thankful that the clicking noises don't wake me up at night anymore.

I wonder how much of that half circle skirt I'll be able to complete at home over break [edit, four days later: none]. May have to hem during winter break.

Also the M9 reunion post-apogee was SO FUN k bye

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plangentia · 10 months

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was the family you baby sat last summer that bad? (lmao im curious and new)

this is actually an oddly long story lol

yeahhhhh, like they weren't like the worst people in the world but uh. so i met them at a pub quiz in like late august and we overheard them discussing that they didn't have a babysitter for two days time. so i offered to help out since i've babysat large families before and i've been a girl guide leader and a football referees, so i can generally handle rowdy kids.

they tell me they have a seven year old and two five year old twins, and then the mum is currently pregnant whilst the dad works at home. so usually one of the parents would be in the house with me, but busy or unable to help out. and i'd be paid £10 an hour. a pretty good deal for just babysitting. he also asked if i wanted to bring my own dinner or eat what would be cooked for the kids. i agreed to have the meal there just bc it made things easier for me.

so i arrive at 4pm on the friday and meet the dad and the cleaner, who it turns out used to nanny for them, but now refuses to. she literally hands me a note as she leaves that says "don't let them manipulate you" and it's hard to tell if the them she's referring to is the parents or the kids.

the seven year old and the mum are currently out and about, so it's just me and the twins. the twins are in the garden and my first introduction to them is me getting sprayed with the hose whilst the dad watches. the dad scolds them, but they pay him no mind and then he gets back to work.

they then throw a tantrum spray me with water again and the next hour or so is a cycle of me trying to distract them and failing. the mum and the seven year old arrive back during this time as well.

the dad then calls them in for dinner and i'm like oh cool dinner time for me. and then he starts cooking and turns to me and goes, the kids are having tomato pasta for dinner.

okay, so i'm cooking for the kids. that's fine, it's pasta, i've done cooking for kids i've babysat before. i probably would have charged a little more per hour if it's 3 kids and cooking, but oh well. then he doesn't tell me where the pasta and stuff are, whilst he proceeds to cook spaghetti for him and his wife. idk if it's just bc i'm an only child, but i find it such a red flag when parents refuse to contemplate eating with their kids. but yeah whatever, i cook for the kids and myself and it's Fine. they take a little convincing to eat, but whatever.

he then goes oh it's bath time for the twins. and i'm like yeah cool, i assume you're doing that, bc you know you met me two days ago in a pub and you don't know if my child safeguarding qualifications are real. but he doesn't move and he says, oh you're bathing the kids.

huh?

that seems a little extreme, but whatever it's just the twins. i try to get them to wash, they throw a tantrum, whatever. i was not vibing with the fact that i was looking at two naked five year old boys up close, but whatever. surely the seven year old will be able to wash himself? i certainly was at that age.

no.

i then have to put them all to bed bc that's another battle, despite the fact that their parents are literally in the house.

but it's fine.

they then ask if i can do it again next week. i don't really want to, but i don't have anymore jobs nailed down. plus they'd be back at school so maybe they'd be worn out and easier to manage.

it's the same again, but it's Fine.

then i do it a third time. i really don't want to. the queen has been dying all day and i figure ig she dies before i leave to go, then babysitting will be cancelled. it's the worst time yet. i'm swearing that i'll never do it again. and then the queen is announced to have died whilst i'm bathing the kids naked in the bath.

everyone talks about where they were when the queen died. i was fighting two five year olds who were spraying me with a broken shower and trying to climb out the bathroom window.

plus i won't even mention the fact that they asked me to babysit on christmas eve. nor the fact that they also asked me to babysit in june, six months in advance in the same call. like no because a) they'd just had a newborn and i have no experience with kids under the age of 4 b) no because i wasn't back from uni c) no because it was mum's birthday d) no because your kids are the literal worst

so yeah.

#abby being irrelevant #also the dad works for a company that is known for committing war crimes loll

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blackwoolncrown · 1 year

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Will you talk a little bit abt your process moving to a new country? Not like the laws and stuff, just like how it happened… I have the means to do it too but I’m really scared about selling all my stuff and leaving my house and everything. I love your blog, thank you in advance! 💛 ✨💛💛💗💗🌙🌙✨🌼🌼

Aw, thanks!

Okay ummm

Apart from the procedural process, the shift has been fairly easy for me. Well NOW though- the mental and emotional leadup to doing it was HUGE and took many months. I teach manifestation so I definitely spent all the time ahead of it using those kinds of techniques and keeping my mind really centered.

As I've mentioned before I had a relocation specialist so having meetings w her about the process gave me a lot of confidence and then ofc I made a short trip to my target country to meet w her and get a tour which was like microdosing the experience itself.

The few weeks right before were the hardest bc I was under a sudden and unexpected time crunch and it was really heavy having to pack my life up, get rid of things and prep without really a lot of time to grieve or anything. Then I had to make the first leg of my journey out, alone, and even once I had help from a friend who joined me the whole thing was really stressful and intense and I was just like kind of emotionally 'locked in' and in survival mode for a few more weeks.

But, after that I was able to rest and start to readjust and that part was honestly easy. it can get tiresome not knowing or not being fluent in another language- when I first got there I basically always picked up a pizza I could order online or just shopped at the grocery store to avoid having frustrating interactions.

But I also had a language teacher and my partner and his family and that really helped me acclimate. I honestly don't get homesick; I did not like living in the US it was such a place of violence stress and trauma. Nice to visit my friends but I'm happy to be here and every week I get better at talking to people. The only thing I miss are certain foods bc central FL is very caribbean and asian and where I'm at rn lacks a lot of those flavors. It's hard to find good canned coconut milk.

I left my home, my friends, my food, my language, my birthplace, my whole life. ANd I'd do it again.

My life has more time in it now, I'm not as stressed and rushed. It was a huge hurdle but like I told my partner- I ran away from home a few days before 18 so this is not the first time I've jumped a wall like this in order to be safe and free.

10/10 highly recommended, I wish you all the best in your journey too.

If there's anything I can say advice wise it's this:

A) You feel attached to your stuff now but the attachment or the grief of its loss is temporary. Now I'm not one of those who says 'get rid of everything!' bc if something is really core to your routine just know that SOME items are very hard to replace in another country. But the pain of loss is temporary in most instances.

B) Some of the stuff we have and love living in The Imperial West we love bc it soothes the ache we feel from living here. Remove the ache, and the need for the soothing is gone, too.

It's not that bad. Generally the gain is greater than any losses just make sure you've done your research.

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eclecticsophism · 7 months

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study/gradblr post! welcome to my 2nd year of MA

don't have any photos for this week bc my phone broke!!! using an older phone that toes the line between smart phone and feature phone atm.

in sum: in the last two weeks I've moved back to the city, completed initial training for my new job, started my new job, and started a new academic term! has been v hectic and i look forward to falling into a routine and consistent flow state. a lil stumbly atm!

my job is very outward facing and a significant part of it puts me in a mentor role -- i'll begin to see students on tuesday which is nervewracking but i'm looking forward to it. there's also the possibility that i'll be offering services in another lang coming up, we'll see

i also got an update about who my potential thesis advisor will be! for context: i need to have a confirmed thesis advisor by this term in order to complete my degree w/i my aspired timeline (re: fall 2024 being my term where I tie up the loose ends). i've spent a considerable part of my summer doing preliminary work to narrow my topic and develop a working knowledge base, BUT despite interacting with quite a few instructors I hadn't received a straight answer and have been low-key stressed. however, i met with one of my instructors yesterday to talk about coursework in my class with him and he told me what he was thinking about and that he had plans to bring the matter up in an upcoming faculty meeting (??? this is what happens when only 2 people in ur cohort are doing the thesis option supongo). it's been extra complex this year bc one of the instructors that also specializes in discourse analysis is on sabbatical -- so all thesis students wanting to do discourse analysis are going to this instructor. but the cool news is i might be able to have the instructor who i piloted my thesis w/ (who's technically in a different department, but also not really bc he has an office in the dept and teaches classes in the dept/crosslisted with the dept lolol) as my advisor???? and he actually might be more comfortable with this topic than the suggested advisor bc he's familiar with online community research. he and i also have research interests that extremely align so it would be a privilege to work with him :(( keeping my fingers crossed

in terms of coursework: i have a lot of readings to do (today actually o_o) but my classes seem really interesting and it's so nice that i get to see my friends again

i got what i think is food poisoning (?) between tuesday and thursday which made this week a lot rockier than I had wanted it to be :(( feeling a lil better now but am looking forward to feeling More Like a Human soon

shout out to all my studyblr/gradblr friends ily

#ngl writing this as a mini procrastination before doing this semiotics hw assignment that i need to get done today #welcome to freewrite city #gradblr #personal #michelle's thesis

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taegularities · 1 year

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Hello, lovely Rid 💕💕

I'm still not over everything that happened yesterday. I've been trying to study for yet another exam that I have tomorrow and all that my head is full of is mr. Jeon Jungkook. My thoughts just keep drifting away and I can't focus lmao.

Also I have the talent of always falling asleep right before you answer my asks, so don't think that I've been withholding information about my "crush" from you on purpose. I'm very hesitant to even call it a crush because I barely know him, but I guess we'll go with that. Here's the barely there gossip about that lmao.

So this guy is someone from my course who I noticed in the first week of classes, because he's like one of the prettiest men I've seen irl. He has long hair and he wears nice soft sweaters and rings and he's just very pretty. (kind of looks like Ethan from the band Maneskin but with softer features 👀👀👀)

And I got to talk to him for the first time when I spent those 8 hours waiting to take the exam because a mutual friend was there too. The three of us also went out to celebrate after too. He's pretty cool and he laughed at my jokes, so it was a fun time. But I don't even know if he's single or if he likes women and now I might have a crush on him 🙃. I haven't had a crush on anyone for years lmaooo.

Anywayyy, I saw that you're going to be doing a master's degree and that's so cool, Rid! I hope it all goes very smoothly and with the least amount of stress possible.

Love you always 💞💞💞

yeahhh, no, tbh i've been avoiding all those little clips from yday, bc my heart truly cannot take it anymore. like, why does one (1) man have the power to make me tear up just by being his sweet, humble, comforting self? SEE THIS IS WHY I PUT THIS DAMN WORD IN CMI ALL THE TIMEFJKSAFJKJHDKS

k, moving on.

ivi, oh my god, i know i tend to answer really late sometimes, so i will never think you're withholding information, it's okay !! 🥺 but that crush... oohhhh, girl, he laughed about your jokes, that's a vvv good sign for now 👀 i hope you find out more about him, though, he seems really nice, so fingers crossed for you. you deserve (even more) happiness 🤞 keep me updated if you want 👀

and thank youuu! i do hope it's as cool as it sounds, but first and foremost, i'm excited to meet new people! hoping for the absolute best. and alsoooo !! i hope you're taking breaks between studying.. glad c&f could help some (just read your review and wtf i adore you to bits 😭)

sending love your way, all the time 🤍

#my ivi <33 #notes for rid 🌹#ivi <3

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adriannanderson · 1 year

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Sudden stop

Hi sweet boy

We wonder if uncle Sam was able to join you when his earthly life ended last week

Our hope is that the two of you are together

Sober Sam is one of the coolest people you'll ever meet

He'll make you laugh a lot 🥰

Layten is still with us, and we are working on ensuring he gets to stay with us until he's an adult

I told someone yesterday that I always wanted 2 kids by 30 and have been blessed with 5 kids by 42

You just never know what your life may bring

The loss of another brother, and the loss of a father, has been nothing less than miserable for our family

We are pretty well versed on grief, as we've handled our share of people we love gone too soon

But it turns out, this loss is setting us back significantly

Since Uncle Sam's passing, your dad has been wound up and hurting in a way I have not seen since he lost you

There are a lot of dynamics causing that, but the root is certainly grief

The same day that I was admitted to the hospital, he began having extreme pain in his abdomen that they suspect are a reaction to a faulty gall bladder

So my right hand man, the guy that always steps in when I'm unable to be somewhere, is out of commission too

I ended up being admitted after I have been experiencing extreme fatigue since Sam passed

I just know grief is heavy and I knew this valley is deep, but I'll come out on the other side

This would be no different

But overall felt like I was handling things ok!

Day to day life was at an all time high, as far as responsibilities this week - 4 track meets, 3 that I haven't been able to attend bc of my health, as well as preschool conferences that I had to reschedule, and most important of all, Coops junior prom

Meetings, decorating, after prom responsibilities

Pictures to be taken and places to be that require a shower and looking decent

Except I can't stand long enough without getting weak

I just can't even think on it for 2 seconds without getting tears

I really wanted that day to just be about your big brother

He assures me that he will not be bummed if I can't be there, that it will be ok

But he doesn't know a mama's heart

It will not be ok for a few

But there is still a chance I could rally before then

Today is really really hard and does not make me feel like tomorrow is going to be an option

I overdosed myself on calcium (note to others, you CAN eat too many tums!) Then had a very serious panic attack - either brought on by the calcium or the long list of things scrolling through my head on repeat

Either way, my heart rate and BP were very high for hours, one med that they had me try to lower calcium per Mercy dropped my BP so fast I could no longer move my limbs or talk like normal - that one goes in my chart as NO THANKS NEVER AGAIN

There were talks of sending me north and I did NOT want that. I was receiving so much care and support from our wayne county hospital staff that I knew could not be topped in a large facility

I was able to get some sleep about 430 am - 9am Thursday morning

When I woke, my nurse told me that my calcium level was down to 11 from over 14 and that I was able to go home

Music to my ears

But how did they check my level??

Oh ya know, just took blood while I was passed the heck out!

Lolol that was a first for me!

Thursday was sleep, all day and all night

Today I'm awaiting news on newest levels, and continuing to rest, as my head and body are too cloudy to do much else

I've been crying on and off since Wednesday, and decided I had to write to you

To try and empty my mind and relieve myself of the loop in my mind

House - a mess

Laundry - will never be done

Dogs - need baths

Work - Preschool conferences and DK/K recommendations - now I have to reschedule everyone during the 1st week of ball practice😭😭😭

Em - where's she going after school? Moms, Shelbys, cierras…..

Coop has study table - does he need help getting that grade up or is he just being lazy and not turning stuff in

Carsyn - are we helping her make the right decisions concerning how she spends her time? She's really worried about her mom.I think and I hate that I'm the cause

Layten- can't really speak on him too much without another serious cry sesh bc I think his pain level is immense and I want to be able to not mess this mom thing up for him. He deserves a few years of just being a high school kid with no adult worries. And no matter what, we'll never be able to replace his dad, who he loves with all his heart

After prom - I should either be at Carsyns track meet or helping decorating tonight and helping do whatever tomorrow night for after prom. The mom guilt for this one is very deep bc it's a big undertaking and needs all hands on deck

Side job - 3 people backed up on selling - not that they mind waiting but I'd like to get those off my list of things to do

Both desks - at school and home are overloaded and I want to clean them but every time I look at them im.so overwhelmed I just can't even start

2 IEP mtgs that need scheduled between now and end of school - sounds easy but is actually a zoo getting all hands on deck

There's more but these are are ones that are at the top of the loop in my head

Losing you taught me sometimes just releasing it, the stuff, the worry, in some way can bring relief

So there is it, or the bulk of it at least

Some of our life's stressors are not my story to tell

I know for sure that since losing you Fish, any death of anyone we know is a small set back

And death of those we love most can be large set backs

But we never give up

We'll come out ok

It will hurt a lot, but we will come out ok

I love you little man

You are one of my reasons to smile everyday

Love Mom

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ladydeznutz · 3 years

Text

When He Loved Me (Peter Parker x Reader)

A/N: My first fic and it's angst that came into my head around 3am. I've always wanted to write fics, but I didn't like how I wrote and I was embarrassed. First time writing for others so I tried to keep away from using just she/her pronouns, but if that's what you'd like just lemme know

I can write for other fandoms, and imma make a list of the fandoms I like bc I have so many I forget. I'll also add some other things if it interests me. Not comfortable with nsfw just yet so apologies. Anyways, enjoy the fic ig and please give me criticism if you see something wrong

idk how tumblr works with spacing and all that so hopefully this comes decent looking

Prompt: Please, don't leave me.

TW: S**cide mention

Every day had started to feel the same to you for a while now.

It started when he began missing date nights with you. He was always so excited about them, and then they were happening less and less often. You still saw him on occasion, but it felt more like "business" than anything else.

You didn't get the same giddy feeling you used to get when you'd see him; it felt like going out with him was more of a chore. You couldn't even complain to him about it even if you wanted to. Anytime you did see him long enough, he was always gone within a second, always in a rush. You never knew what he even did with himself or if he was thinking about you at all.

It definitely didn't help that you'd always catch him hanging out with his friends. You confronted Ned about it, but he was always so dismissive. Hell, you had even talked to Michelle about the whole thing. At first, she sympathized, but then it was as if a switch was flipped. You used to go to her to vent about Peter and the relationship. Now, she was practically telling you that you were overreacting.

----

You felt like you were going to have a mental breakdown.

Learning about a loved one's passing is always one of the hardest things for anyone to deal with, especially when it's someone you deeply care about.

You had just received the news that your best friend had killed himself a couple of hours ago.

You didn't know how to feel.

You couldn't wrap your head around it. There was no warning.

You and he had been friends since childhood, and you knew each other so well that neither one of you could even remember a time when the other wasn't around.

Your hands shook as you picked up the phone to call Peter. Your tears finally fell as you listened to the constant ringing of the phone, and you knew he wasn't going to answer. Rage grew within you as you heard his voicemail message causing you to throw your phone across the room. It crashed into the wall and broke, but you didn't pay any mind to it as you fell to the ground and let out a wailed sob.

Why did this have to happen?

You could barely catch your breath between sobs.

Your body shook.

You didn't care about anything anymore.

You didn't care about Peter anymore.

----

Weeks had passed, and Peter was exhausted.

Tracking down a gang, taking them down, and meeting another Spider-Man had just been a lot for him to take in. He was so tired, he didn't even want to think about it anymore. His back ached as he climbed through his window.

He was just so damned tired.

He stripped out of his suit, took off his web-shooters, and placed them back in his closet. Then, he took a quick shower.

His job was a bit easier to have Ned and MJ know he was Spider-Man. Now he just had to tell you.

Peter stood in the middle of the room and weighed out what would happen. He felt sorry for lying to you, and he knew that he was being distant. He just didn't have the courage to deal with any of it because he was worried about you. He couldn't lose you too.

As Peter lied down to finally get some rest, he wondered how you were doing. Karen had said you tried calling him, but he couldn't answer he had been in the middle of a stakeout.

He got up and rummaged through his book bag to get his phone, turning it on to scroll through his messages. He sat up as he realized how many he had gotten. Had something happened?

As he scrolled through, his heart broke. So many people had posted about the loss of Jay and were gossiping about why he did it. When he finally went through them all, he looked at your one missed call and gulped.

You had called him that day, and he didn't pick up.

He clicked the voice mail and listened to the message. All that he could hear were your pained sniffles, a shout, and then the line cut off.

He felt sick as he replayed the message.

Peter already felt awful about lying to you; he had to fix this. He quickly texted you, put his web-shooters back on, and was ut the window.

He knew the way to your house, so it took him no time to et there. As he was getting ready to knock on your window, he did a double-take and took a closer look.

Someone was sitting in your room; it looked like he had been waiting for you. Peter quirked an eyebrow as he looked at the guy. He was wearing a red and green jacket with shorts and sneakers. He also looked like he was wearing tights?

Suddenly, you walked into the room, so Peter backed away from the window to hide in the shadows. You seemed to be upset as you were wiping your eyes quite a bit.

"I'm sorry Miles. I didn't think I'd start crying like that," you said as you sat on your bed.

"Hey, it's okay," he replied as he stood up and moved closer to you. You sniffled as you tried to regain your composure. Peter didn't quite know how to react. Who was this? What was going on?

"I just...he..." you groan out in frustration as you grip your hair. Miles' eyes widen as he sees tears start flowing from your eyes again.

"You wanna talk about it?" he asks as he wraps an arm around your shoulders. You shrug as you shake your head.

"It's complicated, and besides, that's what our therapy's for" you chuckle dryly. Miles' eyes wander the room as he tries to think of something to do to cheer you up. "How 'bout we go out tonight?" he suggests.

"I don't like the tone of that voice" you sass as you turn to give him a look. Peter watches Miles turn around, and his eyes widen. Miles was wearing a suit, a Spider-Man suit. The same Spider-Man he saw the other week.

"Any place you wanna go to, we'll go" he adds with a cheeky smile. "Really? You're not busy?" You cross your arms as you stare him down.

"Nah, night's been quiet. Besides, I might be busy tomorrow, then you'd miss your favorite person in the world" he winks as you begin to smile. Peter's heart sank as he realized what was happening. He thwipped a web to the building across from yours and sat down on the edge of the roof. Pulling out his phone, he sent you a text.

Can we talk tomorrow?

Giggling could be heard from across the street. Peter looked up and bit his lip as you glanced at your phone and threw it on your bed. You got onto Miles' back, and you both swung away.

----

After you tried calling Peter that day, you stopped reaching out to him altogether. You decided that you'd wait to talk to him until he finally realized you weren't there. It had been about five weeks, and in those five weeks, you had gone to therapy and counseling.

You met Miles in counseling. He was sweet but seemed to get off topic a lot. When you were getting ready to leave one session, he had come up to you, put his hand on your shoulder, and let out a simple "Hey." One thing led to another, and you had both bonded over your losses. You went to Miles' uncle's funeral, and he went to Jay's funeral with you.

You were currently sitting on a swing at the playground as you waited for Peter. It was taking him forever to show, and at this point, you wanted to get this whole conversation over with.

Frowning, you looked around, wondering why he was taking so long. He should've been here by now. Maybe he decided not to come after all.

When that thought crossed your mind, you scoffed and stood up. Before you could go anywhere, however, you felt someone gently grab your hand. Looking back, you saw Peter staring at you with a small smile on his face.

"You came."

"Of course I did"

Peter pulls you towards him and wraps his arms around you. You take a deep breath as you stare off towards the slide. He pulls away when he realizes you're not hugging him back. The both of you pull away awkwardly as you look at each other.

"Peter-" "(Y/N)-" both of you speak at the same time.

"I- I have o tell you something" he starts with a stutter. You wait patiently as you motion for him to continue. "I know th-that I've been....not here for you for a while-" he cuts himself off when he hears you scoff.

"I.....I had these things, and I should've told you as soon as we started dating, and I'm sorry. I know I've been an asshole, more than that actually" you roll your eyes and shake your head as he continues.

"I just.....I love you, and I want you to know that even though I don't show it a lot" he finishes as he rubs the back of his head nervously.

The good thing about coming to this park was that there was usually no one here, and you were glad no one was here right now because boy were you fuming. "Told me about what Parker?" Your hand goes to your hip as you glare at him.

"W-Well....uhm......that guy that you talk to.......I'm like him I guess. Spider-Man." Your eyes widen when you hear the first part. "How the hell do you know I've been talking to someone?"

Peter stumbles with his words as he realizes he's been caught red-handed, "Uh...I was gonna visit yesterday, and I kinda....saw you..talking to him....." You narrow your eyes as you pick up a stick and throw it at him. He ducked before he could get hit, but you were already in his face.

"You were spying on me?!"

"I-I wasn't trying to! I was just-"

"Christ Peter!" All this time of you not being here, and now all of a sudden you just wanna show up out of nowhere because of what?! Jay?! Is that why you're finally talking to me?!" Panic stirs in Peter's eyes as he tries to come up with an excuse.

"I tried so hard to get you to talk to me, and you only wanna talk now because of that shit?! Peter, I can't do this shit with you anymore. I don't care if you're Spider-Man; what was the point of not telling me in the first place?! We live in New York for God's sake!!"

Your face is red as you frustratingly wipe away your tears with your forearm. Peter stays silent as he watches you; he can't say anything right now because you've hit the nail on the head.

"Y-You know what, fuck this. I can't do this shit any-anymore, Peter. But please tel-tell me; w-what did I do wrong? I di-did my best to keep both of us h-h-happy. Please, just tell me what I did wr-wrong." Your words are barely recognizable as you hold yourself to keep you're shaking body still.

Peter steps forward, but instead of stopping him like he thought you would, he cups your face gently as he looks into your eyes.

"(Y/N).....I'm so sorry I made you think this was all your fault. You did make me happy; you still do. I just...I've been so busy being Spider-man that I've neglected you, and I'm sorry for that. But I do still love you, (Y/N). I swear I'll stop doing everything just for you. I-I'll give up being Spider-Man."

You watch him unravel as he keeps talking. You can't bring yourself to care, however, as he spills his heart out. Too much disappointment has built up over the months.

"Pete...."

"Please......(Y/N), just give me another chance. I'll do anything, just please, don't leave me." His voice is soft and insecure as he begs you, almost quivering as he says it. It doesn't invoke any sort of feeling in you though. His sad eyes watch as you pull away from him,

"I'm sorry Peter" you whisper softly as you turn around and walk away.

He doesn't run after you or even shout.

Peter simply watches you walk away until you're out of view. The only thing he can hear is your footsteps as they fade into the distance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Alright so...this whole thing was based on how I could see him being Spider-Man in the beginning ig? Imo I feel like between him and Miles, the latter would be the first to tell you he's Spider-Man

And I always felt like him being away like that with no real reason would make an s/o feel like it's their fault or sumn. Like, I've always seen fics where he and the reader always make up about it, but I wanted to try the bad ending where even though he had good intentions, he's just not ready to handle being a hero, student, and partner.

#peter parker oneshot #peter parker x reader #peter parker fic #peter parker fanfiction #miles morales #miles morales x reader #marvel mcu #marvel imagine #marvel one shot #peter parker imagine

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valentines-and-frostbite · 2 years

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Sorry I've been dead, y'all!

I've been active in the discord (bc ofc I was), and I just keep forgetting to post new stuff to my tumblr and insta.

So here's this!

This is the Black Hearts AU!

The basic rundown is "What If Ida didn't get married and have Faith before he came to Middleverse?" With a dash of "Jimmy cute".

Jimmy ofc belonging to @croxovergoddess

Longer version under the cut:

Jimmy passes by a week or so later and is all "well that's weird" bc said park is now growing very tall trees and roses - perfect roses.

He stumbles upon Ida, who is very much not in the mood to deal with strangers. Jimmy manages to get him back to his place and patches him up. Ida then steals one of Jimmy's blankets.

Jimmy eventually has to go to work and ends up coming home to a clean apartment. Ida doesn't look as if he's moved, but obviously he did, since he's the only one who could've cleaned the apartment (that, and the way Ida refused to meet Jimmy's eyes when he used to stare him down).

Over time, Jimmy and Ida learn one another's languages, and they're able to have a proper conversation. Jimmy learns about Ida's memories being gone for some time, and Ida learns about where he is and who Jimmy is.

After Ida is mostly healed and has regained most of his memories, he learns about currency (barely), gets a job, and gets his own apartment. He also gets a phone, but only Jimmy's number is in it since Jimmy was the only person Ida really knew.

Ida and Jimmy are then friends, just hanging out and stuff. Ida is even happy for Jimmy when he starts dating around (he was VERY happy to see Mandy whenever she used to stop by). Ida himself dates around a bit, but eventually stops to focus on his career.

He also later learns that he has a crush on Jimmy, and this is devastating to him. He worries that it's gonna impact their friendship in a negative way, so he tries the good old method of "hiding his feelings deep down inside".

The bright side is that Ida doesn't have to worry too much about it! He gets kidnapped a bit after he realizes his crush!

The Vil had found him and had torn through the dimensions to grab him back. They left the rest of Middleverse alone because no one had healing blood (as far as they're aware). Ida's mother was going through Vil headquarters at the time (searching for Ida, ironically), and takes Ida home once he's been rescued.

He then spends 24 years in Valentines (1 year in Middleverse), going over his feelings and spending time with his family. While everyone else encouraged him to go back for the sake of his business, Roman was the one to encourage him to go back for Jimmy. Ida is reluctant, stating that Jimmy had "plenty of people who'd love him a lot more than I do."

He's finally able to return to Middleverse and learns that his best friend, Enya, has been searching for him, putting up missing posters of him.

He's touched, weirdly enough.

They go out together to celebrate and go to the Black Rose (like idiots), where Ida tries to avoid Jimmy. In his own club. Yeah, that didn't work out too well.

Jimmy found Ida and dragged him back to his office to yell at him for up and vanishing on him or something along those lines.

After this, they go back to a tense friendship, with the key difference being that Ida has come to terms with his feelings. He's still hiding them.

After a long time (and I'm talking years), Ida and Jimmy start going out, but Ida refuses to call it dating ((it would make it "too real" for him)). He gets over it and they start dating, properly.

Tbh, that's the furthest in the timeline I've gotten. I know that Ida would date someone between returning to Middleverse and dating Jimmy, and that would cause Jimmy to be all "what the fuck??? That's MY dragon dude, fuck OFF."

Ida would also get to meet Dionysus, and he bribed him with treats so they'd get along. Now they work together to steal Jimmy's bed.

In the future, Jamey would show up and Ida would do his best to be a good stepdad, but that's not now, and that's a bridge he'll deal with when they get to it.

That's all I've got, and this is long enough as it is! Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far!

#my art #art #oc #middleverse #my oc #middleverse oc #middleverse virginia #ida jones #ida jones valentine #jimmy crossroads #digital art #digital #ida valentine #black heart #black hearts #black hearts au #BH AU

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katiemcgrath · 2 years

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can we do the drama aunt just one more time? so i've been with my gf for 3 years. we moved in together a while ago because I was moving from my childhood home (had been planned for years) and she was moving out of our ex's (who turned out to be an abusive asshole after she displayed ptsd symptoms). so things are going great but then she loses her job like 3-4 months in. I tell her it's ok I was earning enough to keep us both afloat for a while and she had been having a hard time trying to keep her full time job while her symptoms flared up.

so she takes a few months off, getting unemployemnt and I'm working and things are fine. Then I change jobs and we move out to a new, bigger place and we're still doing alright but things are a little tighter when she loses the unemployement benefits. she has to be hospitalized because she had a bad panic attack in public and reacted violently so the cops detained her. she spends like 2 weeks in the psych ward and then when she comes back she's severely depressed. she feels like she's ruining things, she feels like a failure bc a 30 y/o should have her shit together right?. so I tell her to not worry bc I'm here for her.

flashforward a year and she's still a bit shaky but recovernig from the depressive episode. she's been told she's in the spectrum and she discovers she might be a they actually. so they go on a bit of a self-discovery journey and discover they might actually like to do artistic stuff for a living. I invite a friend over for lunch (let's call her A). A is generally a good person I hold her very dear to my heart but A is completely ignorant on mental health stuff and still very confused on the whole gender stuff. She was also raised evangelical which will make the shit she pulled next really fucking ironic. So A meets my gf and decides she doesn't like them. A says that my gf is taking advantage of me with this psych stuff. A says I'm working for two people when Gf should do her part. I get upset I tell her that as far as I knew partners supported each other right? even when things were difficult, even when there's no fucking money, even in sickness and in health right? and doesn't she work to maintain her father who is a pastor and hasn't worked for the family for the ten years i've known her?

She gets upset then saying that that's her family so she actually has to do something and I tell her well Gf is my family and I'd appreciate it if she left whatever. A and I stop talking but we still follow each other in social media and shit. A constantly posts about abusive relationships using economic power relationships for personal gain etc . Another friend messages me and tells me they think I'm in an abusive relationship. I tell her I don't understand why. This friend tells me that my Gf is taking advantage of the fact that I can work. I tell this friend that that sounds stupid but they say I'm being gaslit or something.

I start to think I might actually be in an abusive relationship but idk I don't understand. I google it and the internet is very vague about this. I don't know what the hell is happening. I start to think I might actually be the abusive asshole. I have a nervous breakdown that ends in me deleting all social media for like a year.

I lost my job. I got another one. I lost it. I bounced between jobs for almost a year. Then I get a good job that pays well. During this time Gf has decided that maybe she doesn't have the artistic abilities to do anything and stops trying to sell their art. They get into trading, buying and selling collectibles. I loaned them some money to start but then it became a self-sustaining thing. They pay me back and we go on a trip. During this trip A messages me asking how things are with Gf. I tell her things are actually good, she's got a business we're doing well, we adopted two cats. A loses it telling me my Gf is trying to tie me to them and that maybe this codependent relationship needs to stop. I ask her to explain me how because I really don't understand (my psychiatrist has suggested I might also be in the spectrum since I can miss social cues constantly). A says that Gf is manipulating me into thinking I am in a good relationship. She knows this because her ex did this with her. I ask her what ex but she doesn't explain.

I try to explain this to my psychiatrist whom I'm visiting because the lithium is making me sick and she needs to adjust my dose. She starts asking me questions about my relationship and I tell her. Yes, I knew she had ptsd when we started living together, yes, she did lose her job and spent a long time without one, yes she is in psych treatment. Then she asks me about my friend. yes, she's been in a bunch of toxic relationships, yes, she's been very vocal about my gf, yes, she's the same one that once tried to tell me my abortion was an offence to her god. my psychiatrist tells me she thinks A is not actually a good friend.

I try to talk about this with other people who know A to see what they think but I get told time and time again that A is just trying to help that I'm actually wrong about her because my Gf has turned A against me. My Gf doesn't even mention A, I tell her. This friend, who is actually a psychologist, then tries to convince me Gf must be doing it in my sleep.

I try to talk about this with another psychologist, one that I actually pay money to see and she tells me that she thinks my friends may be in a cult and they are trying to make me join them by separating me from my family (who is my Gf but also my sister who I don't speak to so much bc she lives a glamorous ER nurse life). I tell her it can't be possible because doesn't a cult need a leader or something? Psychologist tells me A is probably the ring leader.

So two nights ago I was making a playlist about songs from my country and I was kinda drunk and I messaged A to ask her what songs I should add. I tell her I kinda miss her and the way we used to meet for coffee and pie and she texts me back the next day saying she misses me too and I should add such and such song to my playlist and are you still dating Gf? I tell her I am and she doesn't respond. Then she sends me a link to a blog about abusive relationships and how many husbands stop working when their wife finds a job etc and I didn't reply.

I remember the thing Psychologist said. Now I can't stop thinking about if she is in a cult or not or if my Gf is the abusive one because I think she got in my head.

So, uh, help?

Oh.... My.... God..... This is a wild ride, lmao. Holy shit. This was genuinely a ride from start to finish and I don't even regret reading it. Like, I am exhausted from my fucking seteraline and I have a massive headache but this was.... Wow. Worth the weeks wait tbh.

First of all, so glad you're getting actual help. Like, obviously what I say is bullshit cause you're getting actual help.

Second of all, I'm a bit funny with money because I think it's okay to support a partner but it's so vital to make your own money incase a relationship goes wrong and you have no out. It's not an abusive relationship if one person financially supports a partner if they are in a committed relationship and they see longevity in the relationship. I think it's important you set boundaries as well though. It's good your partner has somewhat recovered and is making their own money too.

In regards to 'A' delete and block from all social media and just life, tbh. They don't like you, they don't respect you, they don't respect your girlfriend or your relationship. It's time to delete their number. I mean, the 'cult' is probably just evangelicalism, lmao.

Yeah, take the advice of your psychologist, hahaa.

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mycelier · 3 years

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My name is Simone and I would like to tell you a tale!

I will not have access to my laptop for some days more and because writing on my phone is kind of painful (physically, because I am working on hand mobility now), this may end up in drafts and taking a while to post. I am going to share what has been happening the last 2 months because I feel like everything went from 0 to 100 in the span of a few weeks and its been really, really wild.

So!!! LETTUCE begin!

For roughly 5 years I've been struggling to get a diagnosis on an extremely painful area of my arm. There was literally nothing visible; no lump, discoloration or any other physical abnormality to indicate anything was wrong. I spent thousands on pretty much every kind of imaging you can do, and was told time and time again that there was nothing wrong and, perhaps, it was psychosomatic and I needed therapy or, more often than not, I was given a shrug and a vague "i dunno" response.

This year, something changed. I deal with chronic pain (my spine is congenitally fused in my neck and lower spine and I have baby bone spurs all over), and in the process of trying to work on that I brought up my arm again to a dr I no longer see. He'd told me my arm was SEVERAL things over the years I had been seeing him but this time said it was a fibromyalgia knot, something I had been told by a team of doctors some time before that. I said okay cool and was sent to a physical therapy rehab center where the dr worked with myofascial release and stretches to help with injuries. This amazing man fixed my plantar fasciitis and helped get my chronic headaches under control but NOTHING we did helped my arm pain. Within a month he was worried bc we had started to notice that there was a hardness to the spot that never changed with any exercise or massage.

Worried that there was a nerve being trapped or crushed (another diagnosis I'd gotten over the years), this amazing man sent me to a neurosurgeon who immediately frowned and said he didn't think my neck pain and my arm pain were connected. He ordered an MRI of my arm and despite it not being visible on an MRI 2 years before, he found something PHYSICALLY THERE where I said I had pain. He considered doing the surgery to remove it (despite being a neurosurgeon he was fascinated with this weird horribly painful spot) but eventually sent me a surgeon for an oncology center, assuring me it was because this new surgeon was one of the best in Texas for removing soft tissue tumors, not because there was any thought of cancer.

I met with the surgeon who gave me one more diagnosis of an AVM (arteriovenous malformation), snd said they were benign and not necessary to remove as well as the possibility that if removed it would likely return. Truly, at this point after 5 years of constant nauseating horric pain when someone brushed against me or if I gently brushed against ANYRHING, a pain so bad that it had basically made me stop using my right arm as much as possible (of course I'm right handed lol), I said GET THAT FUCKER OUT OF THERE MAN and my first surgery was scheduled.

Surgery one occurred Nov 5th and was an out patient event. I went home and passed out. At some point my mom said that while I'd been in recovery the dr said the thing in my arm hadn't looked like what he expected so he had sent it to pathology. I went back to work and was hanging out until the Tuesday before Thanksgiving when I went in for a super immediate meeting with a different doctor who told me that what had been in my arm was a synovial sarcoma, aka, cancer! He, this incredibly kind man I did not know, gently discussed chemo and told me I needed to have a CT scan immediately. Based on the CT, i was either in stage one or stage four if it has spread to lungs. The day before Thanksgiving I received the news that it was stage one, it had not spread, and i was so fucking happy.

Then it was time talk about next steps. My surgeon marked out a circle on my arm to indicate how much he was gonna remove in order to guarantee clear margins..but it was not enough of a meeting for me to grasp the surgery I was about to receive.

The day of my second surgery, dec 8th, came quickly and i met with the plastic surgeon, the kindest, most patient man. He moved my arm around and explained how he was going to hijack a vein from my forearm in order to keep the blood flow health to the flap he was gonna take from the donor site: My inner thigh.

It has been 11 days and I am living in an inpatient rehab facility, working on dealing with the nerve damage/pain, the EXTREME pain of my donor site, and the lost mobility that I am working on getting back, both in my leg and my hand. The majorities of my arm is numb...except where the nerve pain burns my wrist and forearm and makes it painful to wear my arm sling (I can't fully extend my arm, nor can I lift, push, pull or use my arm in any way that would stress out my new arm flap). Also may have a brand new urinary tract infection but as I write this I'm chugging water for a urine sample to hopefully get that treated. Below are some pictures I have taken/had taken of my arm! Im not ready to look at my leg outside of the bandages (which, since having the wound vac removed today, hell yeah, will need daily dressing changes).

EDIT: I tried posting pictures of my arm last night and my post disappeared immediately so I will try to make a new post with these photos in case the whole post was erased because of them. I will tag them as post surgery photos. I do not consider them gory or excessive but hey that's just me.

I intend to post more things as I keep healing and as I gain more mobility. I was given "independence" in my room yesterday which means I can officially get up without any assistance needed (using my badass new cane to help me lift my foot in and out of bed)!!!! Which also means I can get up whenever I want without the bed alarm going off. I have a badass cane that has been the best tool in helping me get around (and has inspired my mom and others to suggest and look into getting me a cane sword which makes me laugh REAL hard). See below me using the cane to move my foot in and out of bed!

Part of why I'm posting this is because I really needed to talk about it and while later posts may not be this long or expository but I wanted to have a base post to explain other ones related to this one!!!

I will update with some newer pics tomorrow night when my mom comes by to help me take newer pics. The arm flap looks super healthy (according to the drs), and when they changed my leg dressing they said its looking really good and healthy!

I......also really wanted to post my Amazon wishlist. Due to this stupid wild bad lottery ticket, I've been struggling to pay my bills and rent but!!! I have good insurance, thankfully (since I live in the US and my hospital stay and this rehab stay would have more than bankrupted me), and im hoping my disability checks will get here in time for rent!!! I'm putting up my wishlist bc I can't afford some of the "essentials" on there and, also, because I havent been able to have any kind of comfort during any of this. I never ask for anything for holidays because usually i...dont want to burden people with spending money on me since I know how hard money is, especially right now. And if I don't have enough for rent later I might have to create a go fund me...but right now everything looks good for rent and bills just...not for anything fun.

Thank you so much for your time!!! And happy holidays you wild bastards!!!

https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/36PG6BAYD18U7?ref_=wl_share

#tw for many things!#cancer mention #surgery mention #i tried to add photos of my arm post surgery and my post disappeared so I will try again in a separate post #everything relating to my cancer or recovery i will label as badass battlestar bc it makes me feel cool #badass battlestar

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charlieweasleyy · 3 years

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THE ONE WHERE WE ARE COMFORTABLE

WTN WEEK 2021 → day seven (episode seven) Hiiii friends so I decided to talk about things that bring me comfort and for me the thing that brings me the biggest comfort is the friends I've made on this board. I spend my time talking to these four basically allllll day long. If you can guess by the graphic above on who is who, but they have become some of my best friends so *drum roll* please and let me tell you about the people i consider to be my f.r.i.e.n.d.s.

MY LOBSTER Apparently, I am someone who when they find someone they mate for life. When I latched onto Elle I latched on and didn't (lol won't) let go. Like when I say she is my person I mean it with every fiber of my being. She is the soulmate. My wife. My lobster. She is like that perfect pair of sweatpants that you know are dependable and can count on and you don't want to let go of. She's like the television show that you need to put on because you've had a bad day. She's the first person I call when disaster happens. When I am having a bad day she is the first person I want to talk to and 10/10 she can say something to make it better.

We laugh until we cry and she likes to yell at me... but 9/10 I do deserve it. So, it is valid. If you see me flirting with her on the server (no you didn't) it's mostly because I can't help myself. So... just divert your eyes. It's very cliche to say that your life has changed after meeting someone, but that's what it has done. I am a better person for her, I'm more mindful, more open, and I don't think there isn't a person on this board who wouldn't say that Elle hasn't changed them for the better. It is who she is. She leaves you with something to think about, she challenges you. She pushes you. She has a heart for those who are misrepresented and misunderstood. I swear if Elle had her own talk show I'd listen to it every day. The girl is *passionate* and that is one thing I can't help but love about her. She is passionate about diversity, about the people on this board, I have watched her struggle with some hard decisions this year and how it has affected her mentally, but she also rises from the ashes because she has to. I have watched her countless times put this site above her own needs. I have watched her struggle. I have watched her doubt (herself and her future) and I have watched her wonder if she is doing the right thing. I have watched her feel remorse and pain and I'm telling you if you do not think Elle cares about WTN and everyone on this board then you've not seen her struggle the way that I've seen her struggle. It's probably why I'm so damn protective of her, but I don't regret a single second of it.

Okay, I've spent this whole time talking about how great Elle is but I've not spoken about the writing. I've run out of room... her writing is amazing, she is the one person I can respond to no matter what day I'm having and no matter what ship it is. I love all of our threads and I'm always so happy and excited to see an elle reply in my alerts waiting to be read and responded to! I find it hard to wrap them because they are just so good! If I have a day where I don't feel like doing replies good chance I'll still pull up an Elle reply because it normally makes my day better 99.99999% of the time. The .1% doesn't exist, but it's including the slight possibility of error and the fact Elle will have something to refute that claim with.

THE GIRL I'D MOVE FURNITURE WITH I don't think there is anyone else I want around my side to do some of the heavy lifting and I don't mean that in the physical sense, but in the writing sense and the mental sense too (tho I don't need to see Kae in real life to know that she's strong). You know that saying about people who struggle in silence. I think that describes Kae because sometimes it's like using a crowbar in getting her to open up and to TALK. It is one of the most frustrating things. It's kind of like a treasure box when you have the box sitting right in front of you and it is impossible to open. Okay, half the battle was finding it. You have the map in front of you and when you finally find it, it is STILL locked. That's Kae. It was quite the struggle in getting her to be open to more plots like I knew where to find and how to find her, but actually getting to Kae felt impossible even though I had all of the directions in front of me. But once you put in the time and effort to get to know her.... like *really* know her, it's like discovering treasure. Not only is she one of the most dependable writers (like I said she will carry the heavyweight in all of her threads), but she is one of the best writers! I love reading her threads even if I'm not in them, they always leave me on the edge of my seat and that characterization *chef's kiss*. MAKES JOKES WITH BC HUMOR IS BAE Oh you know the one who tells the jokes when they are uncomfortable. It is a friends reference and the only one I could think of when I thought of Aria. She makes me laugh. She probably makes me laugh more than anyone especially during WTNWeek because of these videos. When I say read something in an Aria voice I mean it! She isn't really that awkward!! But I'm sure she'll say differently so YOLO. Aria doesn't know a stranger, she pops into your DMs and suddenly it's like you have known her all of your life. We have not known one another as long as I have known Kae and Elle, but she fits in so well. Her writing is beautiful and I love how she is in my DMs daily with inspiration for our ships. I started out with zero Aria ship and Aria made two new characters just to have ships with me and I love her for that. I can gush about how amazing she is because she is one of those people who will provide you comfort. If she knows you are having a bad day, she will send you something to make you smile and she'll remind you that she loves you. And I can't even tell you how having those videos during WTNWeek has made my days a little bit better! If I'm feeling frustrated or sad I just turn one on and it has made my day ten times better. It's funny how she is young, but she is kind of my teacher. She sends me videos to help me when I don't understand something and I am SORRY Aria because you've had to send a lot of videos lately, but I don't think the staff could have made a better decision in asking Aria to hop on board. She is always so helpful and the thing is -- she *wants* to help. She wants to pitch in. She always puts her best foot forward and I love that. And cand we talk about those posting and organization skills #swoooon MY SMELLY CAT In reality I am probably singing this song to Jasmine, but I feel like you'd join in sooo here we go. I wanna preface and say I am not calling Bela a smelly cat! But she speaks in references I don't understand sometimes and sometimes she talks about these weird noises she makes so I think this description is perfect for her. Bela came into WTN and I normally have trust issues BUT I trusted my gut and Prudy is one of my favorite characters on the board. We have been trying to get her cousin on board for as long as I can remember. Prudy deserves all of the good things so I really wanted Bela to stay on board. I threw her practically everything I could think of and I am so glad I did because it has allowed us to get close over the years.

Bela and I have created some fun dynamics over the years between readie being the superior of them all, but we also created dynamics that I never expected to create like Manny, Sieun, and Dylya. They have come to be some of my FAVORITE pairings. It's kinda funny we often joke about how we only have one ship on the board, but it feel like we have a billion. Bela always enjoys sending me music, it's like when she knows I need some writing music, and that's part of the ways she fits into my comfort. Bela is a listener. She listens and she is one of those people who are easy to talk to. I enjoy sharing headcanons and future headcanons and character ideas that we won't create but would like to! I like that she is open and she is honest with me - if she is having a bad day then she'll let me know. But I also think we've talked so much that I can just tell.We are comfortable with one another and I absolutely LOVE it.

I know confetti has been going on for a while, but there are not many people you write with and write WELL with but I have found multiple people I LOVE writing with and I absolutely LOVE talking to. I have found my person (lol more like loml), my partner-in-crime (like if I'm going to go to jail I need her in my corner), my cheerleader (and child), and my ship in the night (lol, we gotta be on at the right time and at the right time to talk).

#wtnweek #wtnrp #my people

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mego42 · 4 years

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I 100% agree about wanting more fanfic lists! I honestly think it's the best way to get a variety. Everybody has personal preferences, if someone, who mostly reads long, fluffy au Brio fic, is making recs, they're not likely to mention short, angsty, canon Brio (which is understandable and fair!) so ideally someone else, who does like those, would also do recs. I'm pretty sure I've read or at least tried the vast majority of Brio fics, but the recs often make me re-read the fic and author.

YAAASSSS!!! I mean like, okay, I v much get why people have issues with rec lists, and I def do not by any stretch endorse the idea that recs/rec lists should be considered anything other than one person sharing a think they liked, but to me a lot of the issues (the same fics/authors getting recced, feeling like awesome fics/authors are going unrecognized) can be solved by more reccing, not less. everyone’s got different taste and different stuff they look/read for and I am extremely pro sharing that.

Idk, I think about it like this: in a previous internet life I was a YA book blogger and I lived and died by recs from other bloggers whose taste and preferences I knew. I mean, you know, I’d check out a book bc the premise sounded interesting but literally the first thing I would do was go to Goodreads and look for a handful of people who tended to like the same books I did and see what they were saying about it bc that was the best way to get a good idea of if I wanted to give it a shot. Or, on the flip side, there were some people whose reviews I followed bc I knew we v much did not read for the same things so if they hated a book for X, Y and Z reasons, I was probs going to like it (one thing about book blogging is if you want to keep current, you do not have a lot of time to mess around, snap judgements are key but that’s a whole other thing and idk if it’s even relevant anymore bc that landscape has changed so much).

ANYWAY, the point is, I got in the habit and now I do the same thing with fic bc, tbh, I don’t have a ton of time to read, esp not when I’m actively writing which, with the exception of the last week or two, I’ve been doing p non-stop since I got here. All of which to say is, I am desperately in favor of fic recs for purely selfish reasons, I need them! Give them to me!!! Please!!!!!

That said, I uh, am v bad at returning the favor and I recognize that (I think I’ve made what? two rec lists for this fandom?) so I will try to do better to live by my own, idek what this is, moving on and here are 10 recs not really thematically linked by anything other than I’ve read them and loved them and don’t think I’ve put any of them on one of my rec lists yet (and if I have, my blog is a trainwreck I cannot be expected to remember what’s on it LET ME LIVE):

The Goodest Boy by EnsignDisaster

There’s a key turning in the lock and Buddy rushes over to greet his Master excited for her to meet his new friends. The door opens and he dances around Master’s feet rejoicing on the fact that she’s made it home. It's been literally forever.

“Hey Buddy what’s wrong? Need to go potty? Need to pee-pee?”

“Nah he’s good we took him out.”

Master does something very unMasterlike, she drops all the food she’d brought in on the ground and screams. It’s a non traditional avant garde type of hello…Buddy loves it. Mostly because while Master taps furiously on her small light box and sits tense in the corner opposite his new friend Buddy can lick up the egg smashed on the hardwood floor.

Buddy! The! Dog! POV! no further explanation necessary. Technically WIP, but it covers the whole pilot in a way that could be read as standalone (THOUGH THAT WOULD V MUCH GIVE ME A SAD though, when did the show forget the Bolands had a dog? so maybe that’s a tragic casualty of canon, idk)

May The Moon’s Silvery Beams by @pynkhues

Emma hums in agreement, and Rio turns her around to sit her on the counter, grabbing one of the older looking boxes of muesli while she kicks her legs out, heels bumping back against the counter, watching him. He gropes around the inside of the box, finally just opting to pull the plastic cereal bag out and peering inside. He can’t quite keep the grin off his face when he sees the wad of cash lining the bottom. This woman kills him, she really does.

Then there’s a little face peering up beside him, trying to peek into the box.

“What is it?” she asks, and he tilts the box sideways so she can see inside.

The upside to not getting here until s3 is that old fic is new to me! Huzzah!! Idk how many of y’all have already read this on but if you haven’t I highkey recommend. Extremely cute take on what if Emma woke up when Rio and came by to collect his/Beth’s/whoever's money during the shutdown. Cannot believe I’m reccing kidfic. Witchcraft!!!!!!

Maybe You’re My Fantasy by ohmisterjapan

He fucking loves the involuntary. It speaks to how he likes to unlock chaos and walk away. He's been called a control freak before and it felt like such a misunderstanding of him - he's all about self control but he doesn't want to control others. It's more that he enjoys revealing to them how little they can control themselves. It's more that he likes to stand still in the eye of someone else's storm and pick coldly through the wreckage.

Another oldie but a goodie. This fic is more like an extended character study (first chapter Rio POV, second chapter Beth) and I LIVE FOR THIS KIND OF SHIT. I really really really love the take on both characters, it really digs in and pulls out some nuances that made me sit and think about my own read of them and I love it.

A Shock Of Blue by mintletters16

“You don’t look very well. Would you… like me to get you a glass of water or something?”

Her voice is low but smooth, laced with a softness that cuts straight though to his core. Strawberry blonde locks fall gently just above the pair of magnets freezing him in place.

He can still feel the chaos tearing through his veins - emanating from the gold plated gun stuffed in his waistband - and suddenly he can’t be here anymore. Can’t meet this wide-eyed gaze that’s been locked on his for the past God-knows-how-long anymore.

Can’t see blue alive and concerned when he just left it cold and void somewhere in oblivion.

She’s looking at him like he’s on the brink of madness. He thinks maybe he is.

Apparently, it’s backlist rec day over here and I’m not sorry. This one is another technical WIP but the chapter works as a standalone (BUT if the author decided to return to it I WOULD NOT BE MAD). It’s a what if Beth and Rio met pre-canon and it works so!!! well!!!! The tension and fascination and build are all *chef’s kiss* plus the writing is gorgeous and lyrical and ugh, I love it.

for a moment we were strangers by openhearts

“We got stuff,” Rio motions with a nod to the backpack Beth hadn’t noticed when they arrived hanging on the back of one of the chairs at the island.

She swallows and turns back to the dishes, realizing Rio apparently means to sleep there , assuming the place isn’t bugged. Or for some kind of cover story if it is. She turns and fixes Rio with a narrow-eyed stare, studying his face, the corner of his jaw especially prominent from the angle she’s looking up at him. He’s methodical about drying each dish and setting it back on the rack, maddeningly ignoring her hard stare, so when he goes to take the next plate from her hands she grips it tightly and gets his attention.

“Hey.”

“What you on about now?” he asks, irritated.

It gets her gut uneasy, how he’s just . . . there, settling in, in ways he never had before, no matter how nonchalantly he would let himself in through her locked doors.

“This is,” Beth tries, failing, to find words for it, “. . . it’s weird .”

This one takes place post 204 and Rio and Marcus end up spending a long weekend staying with Beth and Emma for reasons (that work, for the record, I’m just not trying to summarize rn) and it’s domestic and cute but honestly my fav part of it is how weirded out Beth is by how easily they slip into sync. The story does an excellent job balancing where they are in canon (uneasy post-sex truce) with a snapshot of what they could be if they got over themselves (HA! as if) and Beth is DEEPLY FREAKED which makes her slow slide into realizing she could maybe sort of kind of oh shit like it/him??? that much more satisfying.

Not So Careful by @bensonstablers

When he doesn’t answer, her eyes go to his but he’s too busy watching the letter opener which is still pressed against the back of his hand. Curiously, Beth runs it up his arm, careful not to press too hard, and smiles a little as he shivers. Pulling her leg up onto the bed, she shuffles closer to him before pressing the tip of the sword to his chest and slowly circling his left nipple with it, being sure not to get too close.

“You ain’t gotta be that careful.”

And when she lifts her eyes to meet his, he’s got that look. The one that always makes a lump form in her throat and for her to fall back into bed with him without a single thought of what they have to do that day. Only thing is, this time they’ve got nothing to do for the rest of the weekend and well, staying in bed the entire time had seemed like an appealing idea so she allows herself to give in a little to that look.

It makes me EXTREMELY SAD that knifeplay ranked so low on the kink survey so I’m gonna need y’all to check out this V V V EXCELLENT example of it and come back and tell me you’re sorry and you voted wrong. I am v reasonable what are you talking about.

love (where it wasn’t supposed to be) by @lilliloves

"You know what I can't stand?" Rio asks, stepping closer. It's a rhetorical question but he pauses for a second and watches Dean sniff, watches a bead of sweat trickle down his forehead, watches him shift on both his feet as he contemplates making a run for it.

"A guy who don’t realize how good he's got it." Rio continues, looking Dean up and down in disgust. "A guy that will literally fuck up a good thing just to get his dick wet."

"Yeah, well I can't stand a guy who can have anyone he wants but chooses the married woman he's not entitled to.” Dean shoots back. "And I really can't stand the fact that you're always in the room with us even when you aren't there."

And who brings him into the room Dean hmmmmm????? Jk, jk (or am I). In this one Rio catches Dean out on the town with another woman (bc of course he is) and tries to call him out but whoops! gets called out himself. I really love the like, idk, undercurrent of wistful regret in this fic. I love Dean straight up calling Rio out on his feelings (spoilers but there’s an exchange right after this one that made me straight up holler), and, you know, obvs I am here for Rio making Dean feel like an ass.

Hell Is Other People by makemanybraver

Rio: We're in Hell, Elizabeth! If you don't think you belong here, then repent! Don't fuck everyone in the room in hopes that you get to go out!

Beth: Why do I have to repent?!

Rio: Because you did some fucked up shit in your life, Elizabeth! You keep doing fucked up shit here, too! And you think you don't belong here!

Beth [screaming at the top of her lungs]: Because I don't!

This fic is existentially bonkers and I love it. It’s the kind of experimental format/homage/what have you kind of thing that I L O V E. Based on No Exit by Jean-Paul Sartre, Beth, Rio, and Fitzpatrick are stuck together in a room in hell for all eternity. What more do you need, honestly.

Working On Things by odenkirk

Unknown Hold up, Elizabeth. I'm really thinkin about you here.

Beth turned her face into the pillow, effectively suffocating herself for a moment, but thinking it was a good trade off for the way the cool silk of her pillowcase chilled her skin.

She lifted her head to glance at the still sleeping Dean before replying.

Beth I'm thinking about you too. But this can't happen.

She wanted him to know she wanted him, but she also thought that admitting she was already there would save Rio from trying to convince her. She wanted him, but morals had to win just once in a while.

YES this is technically Beth/Dean while also being Beth/Rio BUT it’s also sort of Rio/Dean and I am HERE FOR THE DIVERSITY OF SHIPPING leave me alone who asked you.

Five Times He Knew What She Was Thinking, and One Time He Didn't by JoeyLee

Aight, so tell ‘em I was hittin’ it. Said deliberately blunt, eyes locked on her face the whole time, just to see those blue eyes widen. She looked so shocked that he almost laughed, so he softened it teasingly just to keep her going. Oh, I’m sorry, sweetheart, tell ‘em we were makin’ love.

Then he just watched her, just watched her face, just fucking fascinated. Her lips were parted and her eyes were big as saucers, and…there it was. Before she could look away flustered, he watched the thought go through her mind. Him and her together.

He wondered what she was picturing or where. Them in the back seat, her bed, a motel? Her on top or him from behind or his face between her legs?

Whatever it was, the blush started immediately, and he watched it bloom out from her cheeks to her hair. Then she was tearing her eyes away to gulp a little. But it didn’t knock her down for long before she was looking back. And then, wait, was she actually asking him how to go about telling a fed they were fucking?

Okay this is another technical WIP but works as a standalone. I am absolutely fucking feral for character POV takes of canon scenes and this is a supremely excellent take on Rio POV of some notable scenes from the pilot through 204. Imo it brilliantly captures Rio’s voice and I love it a lot.

HEADS UP I am absolute shite at tracking ao3 to tumblr unless people have specifically told me someone’s ao3/tumblr name SO if you recognize any of the non-tumblr authors on please lmk so I can tag them and YES I recognize that I am asking y’all to do things for me throughout this entire post and I’M SORRY OKAY I’M A WHOLE ASS MESS LOVE YOU BYE

#brio fic #brio fanfiction #good girls fanfiction #fic recs #anon #asks #gg disk horse #i feel like i had jokes i wanted to make in the tags but now that im here i've totally forgotten them #ANYWAY the important takeaway here is #tell me what you like and why i want to know okay #send me recs #ME ME ME #hahahahaha jk #sort of

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colour-outside-the-liness · 3 years

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Hi Colour! This is going to be a long one, so buckle up!

Oh wow, that's so precious! You've definitely earned the "real life Dani" nickname haha I wish I could find something meaningful like that to do with my life. I'm actually autistic and have ADHD so hearing you do this kind of work makes me really happy! Keep up the good work Ms. Clayton! 😁 Haha

You sound like a lot of fun to hang out with at pubs! Haha I'm glad you identify with that bit of info on your star placements. I had a lot of fun doing it too!

The thing about Hozier is that some of his lyrics are incredibly sapphic to me for some reason, I'm still trying to figure it out. NFWMB is one of the songs that feels like that to me. Don't know if you've heard it before but give it a try if you haven't. If you close your eyes it sounds like you're in an epic romantic story and there are swords, pretty gowns, and rooms lit by torches. Haha

The beginning of this song was inspired by a poem written by W.B Yeats called "The Second Coming" in 1920, and it talks about an apocalypse of sorts, alluding to all of the horrors men inflicted upon the world which ends up awakening this beast that goes to Jesus's place of birth in the Bible (Bethlehem) to be born. The last lines being:

"And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,

Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?"

So the song starts with:

"When I first saw you

The end was soon

To Bethlehem it slouched

And then, it must've caught a good look at you"

And oh boy do I think of Dani when I hear that. Especially bc of that scene where Viola accepts Dani's invitation to live inside her. And nobody knows why she accepts it (but I do!).

And yeah at first glance you might not think much of Dani. in the beginning she's just a tiny frail small-town girl with a lot of anxiety, running away from her past traumas. But she proves us wrong again and again and again. She moves to a country she's never been before entirely by herself, sees an opportunity, and doesn't let go of it even when it looks like it went wrong. Then is very loving and tender with these children who have gone through so much and are still going through so much. Tries to fight (with a fire poker!!) the threatening man that keeps harassing her, the children, and her friends. THEN manages to soften the angry, grumpy lesbian who's given up on people after A LOT of trauma (too much in my opinion) and doesn't give up on her when she rejects her either. Freaking exorcises her ex and makes him stop haunting her so she can be with the love of her life. And then finally as if all of that didn't make her the bravest hero in this story, she literally stops an apocalypse from happening and saves everyone from this beast by sacrificing herself without even thinking twice. Saves everyone that came before her and then the ones who'll come after for the rest of eternity. I mean the P-O-W-E-R this girl has. 💪 so hell yeah the lady in the lake wanted to take her.

When Hozier says:

"Ain't it a gentle sound, the rollin' in the graves?

Ain't it like thunder under earth, the sound it makes?

Ain't it exciting you, the rumble where you lay?

Ain't you my baby? ain't you my baby?"

I can only think of Dani at the bottom of the lake laying on top of all the bones of the people Viola killed and how she's at peace living forever in a dark place like that. That's kinda hardcore y'know?

After the first verses, Hozier goes on to talk abt his lover, someone so utterly terrifying even the beast of the end of the world can't stand to look at them. But this song is also about being proud to be this person's lover bc nothing can fuck with them, not bc you are there to protect them and wouldn't let anyone harm them, but bc they're more than capable of protecting themselves and you too. So in my head, this song is Jamie's declaration of love to Dani.

And then I think of Jamie's devotion to Dani when she said "If you can't feel anything, then I'll feel everything for the both of us." shown in this verse:

"If I was born as a blackthorn tree

I'd wanna be felled by you

Held by you

Fuel the pyre of your enemies"

And the fact that she took what she could get just to be with Dani. She knew she'd have to suffer for/bc of her at some point, but chose to be with her anyway. I have no doubts in my mind she'd want to be anything for her as long as they could be together in any way, shape, or form. In all the lives they happened to meet one another too.

Wouldn't it be cool to see them in an AU where Dani is like a medieval princess who's supposed to marry Edmund to form an alliance between kingdoms or something and Jamie is an assassin who is hired to kill the princess so she has to pretend to be Dani's personal guard or wtever but they fall in love and run away together and Jamie teaches her how to fight so Dani becomes this warrior but turns out Dani is naturally good at it and then she becomes a legend? Hahaha I can see her riding a horse in the winter with paint on her face and her blonde hair falling over this fur-lined cloak, fierce look on her face, and Jamie riding next to her (always). Then they come across Viola who's a witch and puts a curse on Dani and then Dani and Jamie have to travel to all sorts of places and fight all sorts of people and go on this whole adventure to rid Dani of this curse. Maybe Dani has to go back to her kingdom bc her father dies and there are other people trying to take her kingdom so there's a lot of angst and suffering but then they win at the end after a lot of sweat and tears and they live happily ever after! 😎Hahaha

Anyway, I hope you're having a great week so far and hope you had fun with your niece today! (I know if I was her and you had us make fudge and paint I'd worship you haha) I'm sorry for the very (very) long ask, but I've been obsessing over this idea for months and I just had to share it with someone! ✌️✨

(And you can call me Libby or wtever since I'm not anon anymore 🤗)

Awwh thank you so much for saying I have earned my 'real life Dani' title is means a lot to me that you guys see that in me!! I am sure you do so many meaningful things in life without even realising it!! I honestly just want to make a difference and I love helping people so going into a career like this just seemed so natural to me and I really do love what I do!! Thank you so much I really hope I can keep up the good work!! I hope I'm a lot of fun- I know I have helped win a few pub quizzes and there's been a few times I've won games of trivial pursuit as well so that really did make so much sense to me and learning about all the placements of my chart was so much fun and was so interesting so thank you very much!! I have heard some of Hozier's lyrics are quite sapphic and I always mean to look into more of his songs and then just never do but I will definitely look in to NFWMB because the lyrics you have sent me here are incredible and definitely give of Dani x Jamie vibes I definitely agree with you in everything you have said about why Viola accepted Dani's invitation- Dani and Viola are similar in some ways and this was something I was explaining to my niece when she watched it with me. I explained to her that both Viola and Dani are strong willed, and stubborn, and would do anything to fiercely protect the people they care about. We saw that time and time again with Dani, how within days of knowing Miles and Flora she was out with a fire poker trying to protect them from a strange man that she kept seeing around the manor. And how Viola would've done anything to protect her daughter. One major difference between them though is that Viola seemed to have a slight selfish streak where as Dani is entirely selfless, she was selfless for the longest time in even agreeing to marry Eddie so she wouldn't hurt him, she was selfless in protecting Miles and Flora, and even more selfless in saving Flora's life and freeing all the trapped spirits of Bly Manor and then she is selfless in the fact that she won't drag anyone down and won't hurt anyone else at Bly ever again. The one thing she did for herself was being with Jamie- and she was able to make Jamie open up and trust people in way she probably hadn't for the longest time. Dani is a truly strong person as was Viola and I can see why she would accept Dani's invitation. I will have to listen to this song to see it from a Jamie perspective which I will definitely do tomorrow but from the lyrics you have sent me I can definitely see it being a love declaration to Dani from Jamie. Jamie knew in the end she would suffer because she knew she wouldn't be able to keep Dani forever, and knew that one day she would have to leave her- but she knew loving Dani for as long as she was allowed to would be worth that pain in the end and Jamie is a truly strong person as well for knowing this and staying by Dani's side anyway when that must have been such a hard thing for Jamie to ever have to accept. Jamie would've been anything for Dani and would've one anything for her as Dani would've for Jamie and that's why I love them so much. They loved each other so purely and without conditions and so wholeheartedly and it really was such a lovely thing to watch play out in front of us (even if it did hurt us all at the end). I think it would be so cool to see an AU like that I think medieval stuff is always so fun and so interesting and a good enemies to lovers start never fails either because there's so much tension there between them. And Jamie being undercover as someone to get close to Dani and them slowly falling in love with each other would just be a great thing to see!! And I am all for warrior Dani and Jamie (women with weapons is a little bit of a weakness of mine)!! This whole AU just sounds incredible I love a good curse in fantasy stories and the curse slowly taking over and you thinking they're going to run out of time but everything works out in the end!! Dani going back to her kingdom because of her sick Dad dying would be great for angst because it would look

like she would have to marry someone to create an alliance and that she would have to take over a kingdom (perhaps something she never wanted to do in the first place)!! I think this could be a very angsty one shot and could be so interesting and fun and the happy ending would definitely make all the angst worth it in the end!! I am having a good week so far thank you and I had so much fun with my niece today, making fudge went great and she was happy that I was able to show her how to do it because she'd never made it before so now that's something she knows how to do (I think she thinks I'm way cooler than I actually am haha thank you for saying you'd worship me though if you were my niece haha 😂) but tomorrow she is teaching me how to do something because I taught her how to make fudge today... she's gonna teach me how to draw in an anime style- which is something she is really into and even though I'm not she loves drawing so I've asked if she can teach me since I taught her something today!! There's no need to apologise I loved this long angst and I loved this idea I think it's really great and interesting and that song just seems amazing and I am definitely gonna listen to it tomorrow when I get chance!! Thank you for sharing this idea with me I loved it!! ☺️ Haha oki doki then as long as that's alright with you Libby is what I'll call you!! Like I said you can seriously call me anything!! ☺️

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