#I'm not saying this for sympathy points or anything this is mostly because I want to remember this moment later

[kobitoshiningneedle]

I think the tumblr Ace Attorney fandom has a weird stance on Dahlia Hawthorne. Even more so, on her culpability, to the point that some people claim that she was justified in killing Terry Fawles and even Valerie

First of all, we need to consider the main message of the games first and our personal sense of justice second, because Dahlia, as much as any other AA character, operates within the games' own narrative, and has consequences according to it. And Ace Attorney makes it quite clear that any human life is valuable and no one has a right to take it (illegally). This message was accentuated in TGAA mostly, but even in the trilogy we have Edgeworth who says "everyone deserves a fair trial"

And (I think I need to say before someone throws tomatoes at me) I'm not here to defend Terry Fawles and say that he didn't do anything wrong. He pretty much did, and the fact that he started to date his young pupil is pretty horrible and brow-raising, even if it's unclear who initiated it. It's also possible that Valerie was a neglectful sister, and that Dahlia's whole family was abusive and insufferable to her. The most important thing to understand here is that even if Terry and Valerie were all-round terrible people, killing Valerie and manipulating Fawles made Dahlia a criminal. Objectively.

The second point I see people miss is how disastrous was the collateral damage Dahlia caused in her attempts to cover herself. Poisoning Diego. Killing Doug. Attempting to kill Phoenix. Attempting to kill Maya. And the question is: in what way did any of these people do Dahlia injustice? What is their fault?

They didn't have any. By the time of T&T timeline she was pretty much a person poisoned by her hatred and fear. The main tragedy of her character is that she spiraled down from a mistreated schoolgirl who wanted to run away to a malicious woman who would stoop to crime whenever she needs to. I think this is a solid example of an anti-arc, in which Dahlia's fate was indeed shaped by her unfortunate circumstances in many ways, but! She still had agency in her actions, and having agency means having responsibility

To clarify: I don't hate hate Dahlia, even though my disagreement with the fandom lies in the amount of her hateability. I think she's fascinating and is a good foil to Mia. She pretty much IS a tragic character, and we actually have a good insight into her via Iris' recollections before the final trial segment - the person who probably understood Dahlia the most. Realizing that Dahlia was yet another victim of Fey family drama, much like our Maya (even if in other ways) adds some sympathy points to her. But I have a firm opinion that she wasn't exactly redeemable at the end of her criminal path

So, do I think Dahlia's character goes beyond the crazy-psycho femme fatale? Yes, even if the game wasn't really forthcoming about her childhood misfortunes as much as we would want to. Do I think Dahlia deserved condemnation in the end of BTTT? Yes, and I personally didn't expect Phoenix or Mia to pat her head after being responsible for the deaths of 4 people and (the other important part that adds to her hateability) feeling absolutely no remorse towards people that had nothing to do with her tragedy. Having complexity doesn't necessarily mean Dahlia is secretly better as a person, and understanding why a character became the way they are doesn't mean we should sympathize with or forgive them

#ace attorney #aa3 #dahlia hawthorne #meta #ace attorney critical #sorry if it came out preachy #i didn't wanna #and probably i just overreacted #but i think there is much nuance to dahlia even without justifying her actions #i do feel bad for her #but i feel more bad for Maya and Iris sorry

[crepes-suzette-373]

Lineage Factor and Emotions

This might be super obvious to some people, I'm just writing this down mostly to straighten out my thoughts because it's all over the place.

Something I've been wondering for a while is just how exactly did Ichiji, Niji, and Yonji's "empathy" get removed, and whether or not it's possible to get it back.

This is also important to figure out whether Sanji's worry about him turning "evil" if his modifications fully awakened is warranted or not.

I had already previously explained that the brothers do still have emotions, and only very selective ones are taken out. I imagine if you take out all their emotions, they would've turned into something like the Pacifistas. No expression, no individuality, no personality. Just robot-like behaviour. This is very interesting, because just how exactly do you choose to only take out selective emotions?

Currently there's not enough info to tell, but my working hypothesis is that the emotions wasn't "removed". What happened is that whatever was modified in their lineage factor also includes modification that suppresses certain emotions (fear, empathy/sympathy, who knows what else).

"Emotions" is somehow part of the "data" included in Lineage Factor.

While for the most part Lineage Factor is like DNA in our real world, it also apparently includes "emotions" in One Piece. It's to the point that the Hancock seraphim is still in love with Luffy when the lineage factor is copied into the clones.

It's also implied in the flashbacks showing Sora trying to stop the modifications. Sora was concerned about their "hearts" (emotions/feelings), but the medicine she took was something that tampers with the lineage factor. As a result, not only is Sanji's emotions fully intact, but he doesn't have "powers".

Except that whatever Sora drank didn't actually do anything to the lineage factor. As it turns out, all it did was suppressing the modifications from manifesting/taking effect.

I had previously wondered why they couldn't just re-augment Sanji once they noticed he "failed", but when I re-checked the raw, the text says that the modifications was successfully done (on the "cellular level"/DNA, to use our world's terminology). It's just that the intended modifications did not "manifest"/take effect.

成功したはずでした does not mean "we thought it was successful, but actually it wasn't". It means that even though the "objective" (lineage factor manipulation) was successfully completed, the intended "outcome" (powers + exoskeleton) was not achieved due to other factors.

Sanji's "lineage factor" is already manipulated. They can't do anything to him anymore. It's jut that why/how the medicine Sora took can stop the modifications from manifesting, or how the raid suit can awaken it after so long is still a mystery.

So, if Sanji's mods fully awakens, I imagine that it's true that he will really become merciless like his brothers. All 4 of them went through the same treatment, after all. We saw that happen briefly when Sanji was fighting S-Shark.

Since Reiju has the abilities but her sympathy wasn't blocked, I theorise that it's possible to find the part of the lineage factor that controls emotions, and just "unblock" that one part.

Now that there's Vegapunk around, when they escape Egghead, they might be able to figure this out using Vegapunk's knowledge. The actual operation might not be immediately doable without the labs, but maybe if they find Law he can help? The actual details of lineage factor is mysterious, but if it's strictly physical/biology and not something that requires medicines/chemicals, it's possible that Law's powers can be used.

Alternative possibility is they might need to go to Neo MADS and demand that Judge himself undo it. Like, I think this is very very unlikely (and I don't really want this to happen either), but it might be a plot bridge to, you know, actually ask why he wanted revenge against the other North Blue kings.

Then maybe this will finally reveal the secret of Germa's past, because many things in the series seem to imply that they have or they know something important related to the World Government. Something that the crew will need to learn about or obtain.

Is Ichiji's powers okay?

In my theory posts, I analysed the various instances where Ichiji seems to display indications that he's actually different from Niji and Yonji. He might not have the full range of emotions like Reiju did, but there's something about him that's just different.

I'm somewhat curious if this as of yet unknown "anomaly" means that his powers are screwed up as well. He has exoskeleton, but we don't know for sure what built-in powers does he have.

I have previously mentioned the suggestion that his Sparking Valkyrie lasers might be just the suit. Sensei already confirmed in an SBS that the Germa abilities are half augmented in the body and half the suit:

So, maybe the emotions anomaly does affect Ichiji's powers to that without the Raid Suit he cannot do anything.

A possible hint that this was the case might be the fact that he just sat there not doing anything when at gunpoint in the wedding.

Niji's electricity runs in his body, so even if he uses it, it does him no good here if he can't use his arms and legs to fight. He can't shoot electricity blasts (the thunderclaps you see in the anime when he fights is not canon).

Reiju's poison breath seems to be a suit power, and her built-in ability is only for absorbing in poison. So she can't do anything either.

However, Ichiji could've lasered down the Big Mum pirates with his eyes since his head can still move. Or, even try to laser the candy to break free. We can see in the scene where he shot down Oven that the light blasts of Valkyrie can make holes in people. It might be able to break the candy.

Sure, they're surrounded, and there's the chance of him getting gunned down before he can do much, but the way he talks implies that "he can't do anything".

If the lasers is in the raid suit, then it makes sense that he can't do anything here.

The alternatives to this is either: 1) He wants to die for some reason. 2) The emotion modifications causes all the brothers to just easily give up and not have the will to fight to the bitter end. Like, maybe Ichiji actually has the lasers, he just didn't feel it's worth trying. Or 3) Sanji's flashback of Ichiji's eye lasers is wrong, and Sparking Valkyrie is not actually eye lasers (then what is it?).

All of that are something else entirely, though, so I won't discuss it here.

Eyebrow flip

We know that Sanji's brows flip when his exoskeleton activate, but how do we know for sure that both his brows flip? We only assume it's that way because of Yonji and Niji's.

However, what sensei said in the SBS is that "all the brothers have 66 shaped eyebrows like Yonji, but Sanji's is the opposite" and "his eyebrows did change" when the power of science activated. He didn't say that "Sanji's eyebrows both flip into the 66 shape".

So, what if when the eyebrow flips, it actually looks like this?

I don't think we can definitively say it's not like this, because the manga art has not shown what his full face looks like when his brows flip. Nothing in the series also has ever indicated that this is impossible.

The point of me bringing that up is because sensei also never said the siblings brows can't flip.

There are some panels where you expect you should be able to see the curl in Ichiji's brow under the bangs, but it's not there. However on other panels, it's visibly there.

That first panel is a very dead obvious one. It's too big to be an error, since sensei actually bothered to draw the curl on the other brow that's almost covered by Sanji's fist. If this was a mistake, then sensei must be very sick or otherwise not feeling well that week, if he could miss something in such a glaringly visible place.

If this is not a mistake, then maybe his eyebrow actually can flip too.

This is related to the theory above where I mentioned maybe Ichiji's powers are also imperfect. This is of course just a lot of conjecture, and we need more canon info before I can speculate further.

The same theory has been made about Reiju (i.e her eyebrows either flip too, or facing opposite directions). However, Reiju's modification circumstances are different from the quadruplets, and the Reiju examples I've seen are not as blatantly visible like Ichiji's one here, so I won't speculate on her yet.

Niji and Yonji?

The problem with knowing specifically what is "wrong" with the brothers is the wide semantic domain of even a single kanji. 情 is generally understood to be "interpersonal feelings" like affection or sympathy. But because this is vague, it's very hard to tell what emotions they can or cannot feel.

They can feel "concern", and Niji and Yonji both have obvious unsettled looks at Big Mum's collection. Yonji was even stunned to silence. What's up with that?

Unlike Ichiji, they have not displayed indicators of something funny going on, so for the time being I assume that "concern/care for family members" is not part of the "情" that is missing from them.

As for their reaction towards Big Mum's books of living things... perhaps the intention is to say that Big Mum is a more cruel/horrible person than Germa.

This instance makes me think of a Japanese saying that goes "even the oni of hell would vomit" 地獄の鬼すら反吐吐く所業. It's a saying to describe something so unbelievably despicable. In Buddhism, the oni's duty is to torture the dead for their sins in life for eternity. You can only imagine how bad it has to be that even the cruel and merciless "oni" of hell would be disgusted to the point of vomiting.

Here, if even the "heartless" Vinsmokes are disturbed, then it's just that bad.

#one piece #vinsmoke family #vinsmoke brothers #germa 66 #vinsmoke #theory #analysis #vinsmoke siblings #vinsmoke ichiji #vinsmoke niji #vinsmoke yonji #reiju #vinsmoke reiju #ichiji #niji #yonji #vinsmoke sanji #sanji #black leg sanji #language

[141trash]

AN: so I know its not exactly simon x reader its all platonic, but I wasn't sure how else to tag this. Actually if you squint it could be Ghost x Soap I'll let you decide :) Sometimes my brain says things should exist so I write them. Loosely borrows the Master of Death concept from the HP series because yes. She's my OC if you want to know more just let me know I mostly just wanted to practice writing Simon idk and wanted him to be comforted :(

"Let's say I believed you," the exhausted lieutenant's voice broke the quiet hiss of sand shifting in the warm breeze. He laid staring up at the cloudless blue sky, knife held limply in one hand. His balaclava was torn off and cast aside, leaving his face exposed to the unrelenting sun.

"Mhm?" Came the sweet voice, acknowledging his words and probing gently for him to continue.

"If I believe you're the master of death or whatever," he croaked out, throat parched, "Why me? Why save me? There're billions of people who deserve to be saved over me."

Her head cocked to the side, observing him for a moment.

"Why do you believe you're not worth saving?" she asked instead of answering. Simon let out a harsh laugh interrupted by a bout of coughing and a resigned grunt of pain.

"y'just need to look at me to know that love. My mask. I'm a killer. Got my family killed. My mum, my brother." he swallowed, voice cracking as he continued, "His beautiful wife, and their little boy."

He gulped feeling the hot sting of tears and used some of his waning strength to swipe them angrily away. When she didn't say anything he turned his head in her direction. It was hard to believe that he wasn't hallucinating. Sitting next to him in the middle of the desert was a six year old in a pink tutu and a burnt tiara of some sort, perched in her golden curls. Small hands drew shapes and patterns in the scorching sand as if the temperature didn't affect her. Big innocent green eyes bore into him in a way that very much felt like she was staring into his soul.

"The skull mask was an interesting choice," She agreed dryly, "I won't disagree that you're a killer either, given your chosen profession. But you didn't get your family killed. The actions of others are not yours to take the blame for."

"Y'r surprisingly wise for a kid."

The master of death rolled her eyes and smiled, revealing a set of pearly white teeth, "Today I'm a kid."

"Sure. like tomorrow you're not goin' to be."

She gave a shrug of her shoulders, "Maybe, maybe not. It's not exactly my choice."

"Y'didn't answer my question." he coughed again, "If you're the master of death. Why me?"

"I don't make those decisions. I think death would be rather cross with me if that was the case. Everything dies at some point. It's part of the cycle. But death says I'm still ruled by my human emotions. If I had the choice, I don't think I would let people die. And then there really would be no point to life."

He laughed again and then groaned, the side where he'd been shot throbbed horribly.

"You sure you ain't just here to kill me?" Simon wheezed out, hands tightening into fists, "Because it sure feels like it."

Tenderly she reached out and smoothed one of his hands, grasping at it with her much smaller one.

"Of course not Simon." she clucked her tongue as if to scold him, "Pain means you're alive. Keep living. Find your reason to keep living. It's important. You're important."

His vision was darkening with each passing second and her voice was growing murky, like he was hearing it underwater. Gasping in panic he forced his eyes open.

"It hurts," it came out as a whimper. She smiled sadly at him, bright green eyes wet with sympathy.

"I know sweetheart, but it won't be forever."

Then she was gone. The small, but reassuring grip she'd had on his hand disappeared and the panic fully settled in. He tried to call out to her. He didn't want to be alone again. Anything, but having to face the world alone again. He wanted to beg and plead for her to return, but his mouth refused to listen.

Rough hands grabbed hold of him, jerking him back to consciousness. When he managed to get his eyes open again he saw a familiar tanned, if a little blurry, face staring back at him with worry in his eyes. Johnny. Johnny was there.

He saw the sergeant's mouth moving, but he couldn't hear. All of his senses were on fire, everything was too loud, to rough, too painful. No part of him didn't hurt.

He was alive and Johnny was here. Weakly he lifted a hand to grasp the shoulder of the Scottish man's vest.

"You're here." was all he managed to gasp weakly attempting to smile before his mind gave out and he fell into darkness. This time he gave in willingly. He wasn't alone anymore.

#ghost x reader #cod x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x reader #sah rambles #i considered not posting this one because i wasnt sure how I felt about it but then i remembered its my blog so who cares #i was gonna wait to post this but what am i waiting for

[andy-skull]

I had to rewatch Ep02 to appreciate it

In my first rewatch, I really despised this episode, mostly for it's pace and how bad the reunion felt like. But then I watched it again and this time I realized something important

During the first and second episodes, we follow Loki through his misadventures, meaning we're seeing the world through his POV. So everything feels rushed, overwhelming, and there is this sense of urgency because (as Loki) we know the TVA is breaking down and that threatens the multiverse so Loki has to do something.

So we go with him to find Sylvie but there this sense of urgency and desperation. So in the rewatch I chose to see things from Sylvie's pov and let me tell you, Sophia fucking delivers!!!!

First, their initial meeting inside, yes, angsty, and nervousness, the feelings are there for both and despite all that happened before, Sylvie could have told Loki to go away, that she didn't want anything with him, neither talk or see him, but instead...

Sylvie cares about what he wants to say, she's been waiting for him to find her, and to talk to him. She still feels betrayed and awkward, but she still cares enough to hear what he wants to say. So then they talk outside, Loki's been looking forward to this moment, so has Sylvie.

When Loki suggests he's the last one she wants to see, Sylvie rushes to confirm that, yet in her rush, her voice breaks on that single word. Because it's too much, he's back, he wants to talk to her, it's time to face the consequences and she doesn't know what's gonna happen now and she cares so much!!! Loki states he's not there to make trouble and Sylvie answers with the only way she knows, being direct and rough.

This is the moment when Loki decides to take a step back from the emotional speech and make it all business. Sylvie just doesn't seem to cooperate. He starts his explanation and she's looking annoyed. She's not buying it, he's stuttering. But then he says "It's been a problem," and THEN Sylvie changes her expression

Hubby is in trouble! so she's listening now... Keep going, what is it? But he just keeps stuttering and babbling about timey whimey stuff and she's at the edge cause she's only thinking about them, that they are having the conversation about what happened the last time they were together

She can't handle the emotions anymore, and by this point, she's even holding back her tears even!!! Aaaaand Loki starts talking about the TVA and she closes herself. This again, TVA this and that. She's out. He's here just because of the TVA and not her. He probably doesn't even care about what happened at the end of time, he's over the betrayal and the kiss.

The teenage argument starts because at this point none is really listening what the other is saying, nor are they saying what they really want or what they feel.

The fight is rushed and chaotic so I'm skipping that part

Sylvie is chilling while they clean the place and take Dox away, but Loki is aware of her. Sylvie still refuses to look at him. He has to pass her by when Mobius tells him they have to go back.

By this point, Sylvie has rejected Loki in different ways, verbally mostly and with "Don't overthink it," she hasn't given him any emotional clue of sympathy, so he's giving her the space she asked for.

And YET, Sylvie:

Has her eyes on him. While he's determined and giving her space, she has a moment to decide for herself. And she takes it to follow him. Was it because he looked back?

Maybe....?

And so Sylvie goes to the TVA again, she follows him into the place that represents all wrong in her life. Why? if he's only there for business and everything went wrong anyway. Maybe because, she hopes there's something for her, with him?

But then not lol and she's pissed and leaves. It's fair. I support her completely.

Finally, the last scene is Sylvie on the hood of her car vibing with music, and at the moment Jack gets out, in a split second, Sylvie can be seen fidgeting with her tempad to quickly hide it away.

It's a quick move, look at her hands. That's because she's been there for a while, reminiscing....

Jack asking her if everything is all right only makes me think that this is not a common behavior for Sylvie. And when he's worried, she quickly changes the subject to cover whatever is actually wrong with her, and even then, her voice is forced out, her throat is tight and the sound comes from a runny nose

Overall, the episode is not that bad, but it's still lousy to me. A rewatch made it better though and gave me a lil hope for Sylki.

But what I have no doubt over whatsoever, is that Sohpia Dimartino is an absolute Queen, delivering such a good acting for such a complex and layered character 10/10 for Sophia as Sylvie Laufeydottir

#sylki #meta? #long post #my thoughts on ep02 #opinionated opinion #with images #Loki show #sylvie laufeydottir

[luveline]

heyy can you do a james x drunk! reader where maybe she calls him by accident and he goes to pick her up and finds out she is really really drunk and helps her getting sick and he starts worrying this may be a problem and tries to talk to her bc he worries its okay if you don’t want to do it just let me know! thank you so much love your works 💗

thank so much for your request! this is a sequel to this and this but you dont have to read them to understand <3 tw throwing up not graphic

You haven't texted James back in a couple of hours. He's unconcerned, toeing his shoes off by the front door when you call. 

It's mostly shuffling sounds. Your voice, far away. You sound strange. He says your name, and when that doesn't work, he tries, a little louder, "Sweetheart?" 

You're giggling. He thinks he can hear you getting closer, and then you're talking. 

"Oh… I called someone. Ha, oh my god. Smashed." 

"Sweetheart?" 

"Um," you get ever louder. He assumes you've held the phone to your cheek. "Hello?" 

"Hi, sweetheart." 

"Jamie! Hi. I miss you so much, where are you? I can't see you?" 

He feels a blush blooming over his cheeks and clears his throat. "Where are you?" 

"I'm at Shelley's." 

"Yeah? By yourself?" He has a creeping suspicion. 

"Well…" you begin, voice high pitched and lilting, "I was with somebody at some point, I swear. But I, ugh," you make a strange sound that worries him something awful, and say, much smaller, "I don't feel very well." 

James feels a spike of nervousness as he shrugs his shoes back on, scrambling for his car keys, forgoing his coat. "I'll come get you." 

"James, you're not here?" 

His name sounds sweet when you say it, even slurred. It breaks his heart to hear you so gone.  He swings the front door closed behind him and makes his way to the car.

"No, I'm at home."

"You don't have to come, I'm okay. I'm gonna go home soon." 

"Who's taking you home?" he asks sceptically.

You're silent for a while. When you talk, you're quiet, careful, as if you're determined to say what you want to say perfectly. "You don't need to take care of me all the time. I know I'm a mess." 

"I want to take care of you." 

James reverses out of his parking space with his phone wedged between his ear and his shoulder, waiting for your response. There's a beeping sound and he realises you've hung up. He grabs his phone with a groan, staring at the 'Call Disconnected' screen in disbelief. 

He wonders if he's doing the wrong thing in coming to see you – he's not your boyfriend. He knows that. You're friends, which you've clearly stated, and he wouldn't ever force you into anything more but he can't help how much he cares about you, and he won't leave you drunk and sick by yourself when your friends have a track record of abandoning you. 

He pulls up to Shelley's place, sees the clear signs of a party in swing. He pushes past a crowd of people, through the kitchen where he spots some of your awful friends and into the garden, where he knows you'll be. Sure enough, you sit on a low brick wall surrounding a planter bed with your head in your hands. You're crying. Quietly, but with enough force to make his chest burn in sympathy. 

"Sweetheart," he starts, almost tripping over his own shoes to get to you. 

You don't react. He's at your front, now, reaching out to put a tentative hand on your shoulder. 

"What's wrong?" He gives you a gentle shake to gather your attention but you won't bite. 

"My phone died and I was talking to James and I don't know how I'm gonna get home without him because I'm stupid," you confess. Your sobs are aching. 

"Sweetheart," he whispers, kneeling in front of you. 

He pries your hands away from your face. He thinks you're brilliantly pretty, even under the smudged make up, even covered in tears. 

"You're not stupid, okay? You don't always make the best decisions," he says quickly to himself, "but you're not stupid." He presses your arms to your cold legs, hands gentle where they rub your wrists. 

"No, I am, cos I- cos I keep coming here and thinking that people will like me more if I'm not so- and…" your words are stammering and wrought in upset, your eyebrows pinched together, your lips turned down in a frustration he's never seen on you. "I just want people to like me." 

"I like you," he says, working his thumbs into your closed fists, easing your fingers out straight. "I like you a lot. And the right kind of people-" he looks down at your hands then up into your waiting face, searching for the right words. "I mean, baby, these people, they have to get plastered just so they can stand each other. They're all idiots." 

"I'm an idiot." 

"You're not," he murmurs. 

You drop your chin into your chest and squeeze his hands. You take a big mouthful of air and he waits patiently for your tears to slow, fingers rubbing over your knuckles. 

"James?" 

"Yeah, it's me." 

"I smashed my phone." 

"I saw. How'd you manage that?" 

"I-"

"You fell." 

You giggle to yourself. "No! I don't have any pockets. I didn't want to carry it anymore. Must’ve called you before I gave up.” 

He snorts and rolls his eyes. Your drunken thought processes always amuse and confuse him. 

"You couldn't have given it to someone for safekeeping?" 

"To who? You weren't here." 

Twisting pleasure; he feels very special to have gained your trust, even in the small things. 

"I'm here now," he says lightly. 

You pass him your smashed up phone and he puts it in his pocket, but not before he sees your lock screen, a picture of the two of you, sober, having a good time at Sirius' flat, a more tasteful party. And to call one of Sirius' parties tasteful is really a comment on how horrific these shitty motives are. His arm is thrown over your shoulder, the both of you beaming. 

"Can I ask something?" Something I don't really have the importance to ask. 

You nod. He brings a hand to your face and sets about wiping your cheeks clean, or as clean as he can, sooty tears staining the back of his finger. 

"Let's give up on these silly parties, yeah? You never have any fun." 

"I don't know what else to do." 

"You can hang out with me," then, fearing he's coming on way too strong, "with my friends. They like you. Mary misses you." 

You scrunch up your nose and start to lean forward. He backtracks, "Or not. I don't know, you don't have to, but these parties aren't good for you, and I really care about-" 

You groan sullenly. He remembers that you felt sick about a split second before you throw up, kicking himself as he stands and encourages your shoulders to one side, moving your hair from your face. You miss your shoes in a stroke of luck. 

"Oh no," you say, a streak of blue down your chin. 

James panics and wipes it away with his sleeve. "You're fine." 

"Um…" 

"You're okay. Uh, I'm sure Shelley can deal with this in the morning." 

You pant to yourself with fresh tears weighing down your lashes. He smooths a hand over your hairline, pushing down flyaways, murmuring, "You're okay. Y'just had too much, sweetness." 

"No more shitty parties," you say weakly. You clear your throat uncomfortably. "I'm disgusting." 

He tuts. "That's not true." 

You slam your eyes shut and grab his hand where it rests on your head like you're worried he's going to pull away. He never would've. He pulls your trembling head and shoulders into his torso, looking down at you with an overwhelming fondness and a smidge of pity. 

"You're a real heartbreaker, you know?"

"Sorry, Jamie." 

"It's alright. Don't worry about it." He strokes your temple, trying to massage away your furrowed brows and sad pout. "It's okay."

"You're so nice to me." 

The sadness in your tiny voice makes him frown. "I told you, I like you a lot." 

"You're a really good friend." 

He closes his eyes, too. Doesn't feel like facing it, so he won't. "That I am," he says, with more bravado than he feels. 

A really good friend. 

#james potter fic #james potter #marauders era #marauders #james potter x reader #james potter x y/n #james potter x you #james potter fluff #james potter blurb #james potter drabble

[nanomooselet]

My Brother's Keeper (VI)

You may have noticed that I didn't extensively discuss Rollo, Livio, or Legato, which is maybe odd considering they are (and pretty blatantly so) parallels or foils to Wolfwood and the twins. And it's mostly because I'm trying not to let this damn thing become even longer (it was supposed to be three parts. Three. It's clocked out at seven, and that's after I took a machete to it to stop it becoming eight. Goddamnit) and I did already go on about all of them in the episodes they appeared.

It's also because at this point, Wolfwood's story (for the moment) is done. When he makes the choice to leave July and Vash behind, that's the end, and the reason he returns actually isn't about him at all. The narrative focus is instead on Meryl and Zazie, making sure we know what both have to say about this. It's good to know Zazie's displeased by this turn of events and very unlikely to ever again believe a word Knives says. (Humans will eat your planet just like they did their own and real quick Imma use Vash to eat the planet myself first sorry-not-sorry BYE WORMS.) It's sweet that Meryl's love of Vash didn't result in her death by Knives's jealousy, as it did for Rem and nearly did for Luida.

Nick's concerns, however, have always been limited to the orphanage and Livio, and their fates are both now out of his hands.

Everything always comes back to the twins, in the end. I think in this analysis I've come to understand the key to Stampede, which is that almost nothing in it is only about the thing it seems to be about. It's always also in some way about the twins.

Wolfwood's part in Stampede is about how he was Knives's weapon and became Vash's follower. He goes from being Nicholas the Punisher full time, a walking dead man carrying his own tombstone, to being Nicholas D. Wolfwood, the awkward, scruffy, snarky dweeb who cares for his family with his whole heart and lives to see a kinder world. Inevitably he has been scarred and stained with blood - he remains the one who killed all those people on the cult's orders, and he'll bear the cross for them. But he's no longer limited to killing in order to save. There's a new path for him to follow.

It starts with doing what Vash would do: getting out of there while he still can before everything explodes. He just happens to scoop Meryl up as he's fleeing. When the twin angels ascend to do battle, the best place for mortals to be is anywhere but nearby.

He wasn't going to rescue Vash, and he never could have. Protecting Vash was the task Knives gave him, and that was out of an complete absence of respect for Vash as a person, a competent adult, a being of unimaginable power, an independent-thinking-individual-who-isn't-exactly-like-Knives etc. The very last fucking thing Vash needs is to wake up in the care of another paternalistic "older" brother - not that I believe Wolfwood would ever treat him the way Knives does, but frankly I can see why neither would want to take the risk.

(Also increasingly sure Knives is bsing about being the older twin. It's like how Wolfwood really is still a kid, and he acts like one, and honestly I think Vash treats him like one. Those startlingly fond, adoring expressions that blow you away a little bit? They're What Vash Is Like Always About Everyone. But especially kids. He's like that about Meryl, too, just less overtly.)

If anything, Vash saved Wolfwood. So Nick realises he has to survive, when before he kinda just wanted to die. He's no longer permitted some dumbfuck last stand. Fighting Knives is crazy and impossible, so let the impossible crazy man take care of it. It's his field of expertise. Love and peace ya'll. Woowoo's out.

Two things, however. The reason, in the manga, that Wolfwood didn't return to Hopeland (until he did), and the reason, in the manga, Chapel has none of the narrative's sympathy (not even Vash really gives a fuck when Wolfwood snaps his neck, and Chapel was already in a wheelchair at the time. I remember a bookclub post that declared God hates Chapel. I'm a layperson, but I'd call that theologically sound).

I mean, there are multiple reasons, but the most relevant is that in the manga, this evil-minded wrinkly fuck trained Wolfwood to kill. Wolfwood believed that being a killer rendered him unfit to ever again return home, until the day Chapel launched a direct assault on the orphanage using Razlo and Livio, revenge upon Wolfwood for taking up another cause - being Vash's friend - when his sole loyalty and purpose was supposed to be in death. He's disgusted that Wolfwood let Vash's ideals blunt his edge when previously he was near-"perfect".

I can't tell you what shape these events will take. But I can tell you they're still in the future. Stampede is a prologue, and the final phase has not arrived. Wolfwood's beginning is complete. His real story is yet to come. And I don't think he's forgiven himself for fulfilling the contract, even if Vash has.

The angel's eye, the Eye of Michael, still watches.

(And only the angel's? We'll see.)

Anyway, back to the twins.

(Part I)

(Part II)

(Part III)

(Part IV)

(Part V)

(Part VII)

#trigun stampede #tristampparty #trigun meta #millions knives #vash the stampede #nicholas d. wolfwood #and only livio's? WE'LL S #all of the stampede characters besides roberto are wee bebbies #alas that is why old drunkle must die #by this point “nick” is my name for him because “wolfwood” is too annoying to type over and over #hope he doesn't mind #trigun maximum #meta: my brother's keeper

[shaunabah]

The warmth is overwhelming (my body burns almost as if they're cremating it)

It's very hot in the VALORANT HQ, specially in summer. See, this can be a problem to agents who are used to the cold, like Sova or Breach, but that's why there's a rule that says that you can indeed go around shirtless and with short pants.

No agent is allowed to have their personal AC, they only have one on their common room. For bedrooms they use fans, but an AC has never been given to anyone, not even Brimstone.

Now here comes the problem. Phoenix's body tends to be hot, like burning hot, but in summer it gets worse. Between his own body heat and the outside heat he literally feels like dying, and that makes even Viper have some sympathy for the guy.

Brimstone's already recieved complains from Phoenix, Jett and Viper herself about this. "Let that kid have a goddamn AC," she said, "I don't want to find him sleeping in the fridge again, I nearly had a heart attack that time."

They also have rules for the common room's AC. One of the rule used to be that there had to be more than three agents in the room to use it, but it was later modified to that plus not being usable in the night, because Phoenix managed to convince Jett and Sova to go sleep there so he could get colder. The other rule is that the AC must be 77°F (25°C) at minimum, and 82.4°F (28°C) at maximum.

Today is different, as it is around 122°F (50°C) outside and everyone is worried about their fire boy, mostly because he looks both tired and about to melt from the heat.

"You really need to get something cold, mate, not even the common room AC is helping." Skye says, handing him a handful of ice and cringing when it almost immediately melts in his hand.

Phoenix has only the shortest pants known to man on, and he's still sweating even under the AC. Skye, who's also wearing short pants but has a sports bra on, is trying to help him get a bit colder, but everything she's tried hasn't worked.

"What's going on?" Killjoy asks when she gets in the room, looking at the two of them almost as if they were crazy.

"I'm trying to help Phoenix cool down! I've tried everything!!" The other woman says with desperation in her voice, "I've tried handing him ice, it melts. I've tried feeding him ice, it doesn't melt but doesn't work either. I've tried sticking cold stuff in his body, doesn't work. We've tried Harbor's waves, they don't work either. He's under the AC. We're considering removing everything from the fridge and getting him in there again."

"Why can't you put the AC colder?" Killjoy asks, then looks at the AC controller, "Oh wait, it's at the minimum, right?" She asks, to which Phoenix can only nod.

"That rule is stupid." Reyna says as she steps in the room, "You're going to die if we keep it like this, necesitamos hablar con Brimstone!" She exclaims, looking at Phoenix with full pity in her eyes.

"I'll talk with him," Sage says, already heading to Brimstone's office, "he is in no condition of doing anything, not even existing at this point." Before she gets out the room, she hears Skye scream and quickly turns around. Phoenix has passed out from the heat.

"I've already told you, we can't do that." Brimstone states, looking at the three women before him, "If we give it to him, the rest are going to ask for one."

"It's not like they're little kids, Brim," Reyna says, looking at him at the eyes almost as if he was her pray, "I'm pretty sure they'll understand."

"We can't have him do anything in this condition, do you understand how dangerous that is for a human being?" Sage asks, then continues before giving the man time to answer, "It's so critical, I don't doubt he could die because of it at this point."

"Okay, okay, fine," Brimstone says, standing up, "I'll talk with-"

"No, Brimstone, you'll get him the fucking AC because he can't even speak." Viper says, looking at him with dangerous eyes, "Then after that maybe you can speak with him. A body temperature that melts ice cubes as soon as they get close - not even in conact - is more dangerous than you think."

"Alright, then," He says, "but with one condition. You three need to help me choose which AC to take." They all nod and start searching online.

Sova is the first one to notice the giant box on the door of the HQ, left there by the delivery man, probably. He looks at it before calling Brimstone and confirming that it isn't a bomb, then he takes it inside. Sage tells him what it is, and Sova takes it to Phoenix's room, which is currently empty.

After calling Cypher and having Brimstone supervising they both assemble the AC in an hour and a half, then put it in 44.6°F (7°C) and staying in the room until Cypher can't handle the cold. Then they call Phoenix.

He looks like absolute shit, there's no other way to put it. He's sweating, has dark eyebags from not sleeping because of the heat, his hair isn't brushed, and he's leaving burnt marks wherever he steps. Yoru is with him, he was told of this before so he could distract him. Yoru also looks miserable, his hair down and unable to stay up, also has eyebags.

Around a minute after Phoenix steps into the room his eyes widen, looking around for a moment. "Are you feeling this or am I dying?!" He asks, turning to see Yoru, "Dude, it's so cold I might have to put a shirt on!" He jokingly says, smiling wide and looking excited. "Hold on what's happening? Why is it so cold here?"

Yoru smiles at his confusion, then points at the AC set up on a wall. "Brimstone bought this for you, you would've died otherwise." He says, looking at their boss. Phoenix looks at him and smiles widely. Then he stops.

"Wait. You're saying I have my own AC?! For my room?! That I can put in any temperature?!" He asks and Brimstone nods "Ohmygodohmygod finally!!" He exclaims, practically jumping up and down. "Thank you so much, Brimstone!" He smiles even wider (somehow).

"You shouldn't thank me, I only bought it. You should thank Viper, Reyna, Sage, Sova and Cypher instead." He says, smiling. Phoenix doesn't get it but nods anyways, walking around his room.

After two more minutes Brimstone gets out of the room, leaving the other two alone.

"Dude we can finally kiss!" Phoenix says before jumping on his boyfriend and giving him a kiss. They stay hugging for some minutes before Phoenix breaks the hug. "Okay I've gotta tell this to everyone they're going to be sooooo jealous" He says as he brings out his phone.

Yoru smiles, "You're breaking our romantic moment to brag about this? Wow, what a boyfriend." Then he starts laughing when he sees Phoenix's defeated face.

[O chefinho tem uma bunda tremenda] (The boss has a tremendous ass)

Phoenix [16:39PM]: Y'ALL GUESS WHAT

#valorant #phoenix #phoenix valorant #yoru #yoru valorant #yorunix #yoru x phoenix #brimstone #brimstone valorant #sage #sage valorant #reyna #reyna valorant #viper #viper valorant #skye #skye valorant #jett #jett valorant #killjoy #killjoy valorant #riftfire #give this guy a fucking AC. NOW. #sova #cypher #cypher valorant #sova valorant #valorant protocol #riot games #idk what else to tag

[sharkneto]

was backreading old asks and im curious if theres any early thoughts regarding SM v. number, knowing what we know now with chapter 9 now being out: is there anything in the update thats causing you to have to rework things? you mentioned number still fails to stop the apocalypse incident in his timeline - do you think his reset would go smoother than in SM? feels like theres more to account for now, with henderson being completely gone but the commission being invoked in SM for the first time

Number vs his apocalypse week! I'm happy to talk about that one, generically :)

The thing with Number is he's completely independent from the events of SM at that point. He's on a whole different path than that Five, thanks to JT but mostly because of the events of HIT. The new SM chapter has given me ideas to play with more than things I need to rework. Almost all the reworking I've had to do on the bit I've worked with that fic, to be honest, was 1) the realization that no one in HIT fucking told Number that Reggie kills himself and 2) how close he's kept the apocalypse to his chest. So he's pretty sure he's already taken care of the apocalypse with having helped Viktor figure out his powers in a safe, supported environment, but then Reggie still fucking dies at the same time. And, maybe that's just Reggie's time, but Reggie has also still set up the little mystery to get the Umbrellas to work together to stop the apocalypse (...that Number already stopped. Probably. Totally.). So he's got to chase that down to make sure, but he also still hasn't told his siblings about the apocalypse (why worry the siblings over something he's stopped, why put that in Viktor's head), so he's also dealing with it in true Five fashion - inefficiently and suspiciously secretive. So some similar vibes to SM apocalypse weeks, there. I'll put a WIP snip at the bottom for this vibe because I think it's fun.

I've got general beats in mind, have a plotpoint I adore that causes Number so many goddam problems that I don't remember if I've talked about on here or not so I'll keep it vague in case I haven't. I haven't settled on if Number stops his apocalypse or not on the first try, but it for sure is not the easy skate he was expecting it to be (and it really should have been). The world wants to end on April 1st, and life (death?), uh, finds a way. Fives must always have a terrible time during the week leading up to April 1, 2019.

If Number has to do a reset, it will come with its own problems, but it will absolutely be smoother than SM Five's. Number just has so much more information to work with the first time around, and he has a real handle on time travel. There is also no Commission to interrupt him in any way, thanks to their deal with Five at the end of HIT. That said, having fewer unknowns doesn't mean he's going to juggle the pieces correctly. He's still a Five and they are still the Umbrellas.

Anyway, WIP Snip -

Allison pauses in the doorway on her way through to the entry, not expecting Viktor to be in the living room. He's standing by the bookcases and hasn't noticed her yet, his attention on a book in his hands. She’s just about to announce herself when Five appears by the bar with a whumpf.

His gaze passes over her, and he just barely nods an acknowledgement to her before his focus lands on their brother. Viktor turned at his entrance, his back now to Allison. “Hey, Five,” he says.

“Viktor.” A beat passes as Five’s gaze flicks to the book in his hands. It jumps back to Viktor’s face, and then his expression does… something. Softens, maybe. Allison can feel her eyebrows rising as she thinks she categorizes it – is Five trying to show sympathy? Empathy? What is that? It really makes him look a little constipated. Still ignoring her, he asks Viktor, “Are you doing alright?”

Viktor shifts a little. “Yeah, Five. I’m still good. Just like when you asked me before. And the time before that. And the one before that.”

It’s another excruciating pause as Five considers that answer. Then he jerks a nod and the weird expression slips away and he’s back to haughty and judgmental. “Good.” He turns to the bar and reaches over to snag a small bottle of something clear.

Viktor takes a half step forward. “Five—” He’s cut off as Five disappears in flash. He sighs. “He’s so weird,” he says, loud enough for Allison to clearly hear it. Then he glances over his shoulder at her, mouth quirked up in a conspiratorial little grin.

Allison blinks at being acknowledged and pulls a smile on as fast as she can. She hasn’t talked to Viktor one-on-one in over decade, since he was still Vanya. She’s got a general idea of the things she needs to talk to him about, but hadn’t been expecting this to be the moment she ran into him. “Yeah, I don’t know why I thought he’d get more normal with age.”

Viktor snorts a little laugh and turns to fully face her. “No, that ship really sailed once he figured out the time traveling.” He softens a little and adds, “He means well, though. Usually.”

“Yeah,” she agrees, although she’s not sure if she does or not. She commits and steps into the room. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to sneak up on you, I didn’t think anyone was down here.”

“You didn’t. I heard you coming down the hall. I wasn’t sure if you were going to stop in, though.”

Right. Viktor has crazy sound and hearing powers. Not the useless little Seven they grew up with.

Allison immediately chastises herself for the thought. Viktor was never useless; he was just different (she kicks herself again – that’s not really any better).

The silence has stretched just long enough to be awkward. Viktor shifts his weight again, adjusting his grip on the book in his hand. Allison can just see the cover enough to recognize it – Extra Ordinary. She swallows her spike of venom back down.

Casting about for something – anything – to talk about, to push them past whatever this is, her mind replays the weird little interaction she just witnessed. “I thought he quit drinking?”

Viktor shrugs. “He did. For a while.”

Allison nods.

It hangs between them.

“I don’t think it’s as bad as it was back…” he trails off, fingers tightening again over Extra Ordinary.

“Sure,” she rushes to add. She doesn’t actually want to talk about their brother’s drinking problem. “And, I mean, it’s a funeral, so… people drink.” She’s already had a couple, more than she probably should have had; she’s actively trying to better herself for the courts and Claire. There’s no one here, but it’s still not a good look to get drunk at her father’s funeral. “How are you doing with it all?”

His mouth lifts up again in a small smile. “Like I just told Five, I’m fine.”

She forces a quick, humorless laugh. It sounds as stilted as it felt. “Yeah, good point.” She thinks again to the brief, odd interaction. “How many times has he asked you?”

“That was like the fourth in the past two hours.”

“What is that about?” It’s distinctly anti-Five, and him being actively involved and worried about other’s emotions was not the development she expected to come out of the past decade. Even being aware of other’s emotions would be a big step.

“No idea.” His expression falls as he gives it a second of thought. “I don’t know. Maybe he thinks it’s harder on me because Dad drugged me.”

Allison blinks at the blunt referral to the power-suppressing drugs she only learned about a couple hours ago. Something odd flashes over Viktor’s face, too, as he says it, and his gaze gets sharper on her, almost searching. Unsure what that means, she hesitantly asks, “Is it?”

The look passes. She almost wonders if she imagined it. Viktor shakes his head. “No. I don’t think so, anyway. He sucked but it’s weird that he’s… gone. It felt like he’d be around forever. But… I gave up on any answers or closure with him a long time ago.” He punctuates the point with an exaggerated shrug.

Allison nods. Her own feelings on Dad’s death are complicated. Probably yet another thing she’ll have to untangle with her therapist. For now, she’s happy to leave them knotted and neutral. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

Silence lapses between them again, almost comfortable. Her mind flits over categorizing who has it hardest over Dad’s death. She immediately discards herself – she’d had a strained but surface-level positive relationship with their father, if the training and abuse were excluded from consideration. Viktor took himself out of the running. Diego is actively throwing as much of a party as he can get away with. Klaus… is Klaus.

She pauses to consider Ben. Dad broke Ben. There are less blunt, probably more correct ways to think about that, but it is the truth. She wouldn’t blame him if he joined in Diego’s celebration attempts, but he’s been nothing but his usual quiet voice of reason as his fiancé flitted around behind his chair. So not Ben.

It's Luther, probably. He lived with Dad the longest, had still been working for him up until his death, had talked to him only last week. He’s trying to turn Dad’s very normal heart attack into a conspiracy, give it more meaning than it has. And it’s certainly not Five—

Five who hadn’t disagreed with Luther’s insistence that Dad’s death wasn’t natural. Five, who argued with Dad every single chance he got, pushed as many boundaries as he could, who pushed himself to the brink in training sessions and – it seems – even now in his career in academia.

Who has asked Viktor four times if he’s doing alright.

She furrows her brow as that conclusion settles. That feels much more like Five than an angle of empathy and altruism. Glancing up, she meets Viktor’s eyes. His brow is similarly furrowed. He just barely tilts his head, confirming that they’ve been thinking on the same trajectory.

“Do you think Five…?” Viktor starts.

“…is projecting?” she finishes.

That sits between them.

Viktor forces a scoff. “No. No way.” As Allison raises an eyebrow, he insists, “He hated Dad.”

“Yeah. They had a weird relationship.”

“All they did was fight. When we got the news he died, he called me to ask if I wanted to grab a celebratory drink when he got into town for the funeral.”

But he still came to the funeral. “Exactly.”

They process it all for another long second. Viktor slumps slightly. “Ugh, there’s no way I could get him to talk about this.”

Allison shakes her head in agreement. There’s not a therapist alive that could get Five to process his probably very messy, very complicated, very fucked up feelings about their dead father. In some small part for how similar he ended up to him.

That’s another uncharitable thought she forces to the back of her mind, into the dark recesses with her ones about Viktor.

That’s not what she’s here to talk about, to dwell on.

#ask response #jt #hit #number #snips #ficblogging

[grumpyoldsnake]

Finished reading Dawn by Octavia E. Butler! This book didn’t amaze me or anything, but it was interesting enough that I’ll probably read the next one just to see where Butler is going with all this. I liked the worldbuilding. The prose didn't stand out to me. The themes… left me with mixed feelings, and are a big part of why I want to see what conclusions Butler is going to draw by the end of this before forming any solid opinions. No specific spoilers, but allusions to the premise and its impacts. . The book's reputation It's a shame that this book has such a reputation for being disturbing; I feel like almost every time I've seen it mentioned people will say they had to walk away from parts of it. Not that it isn't disturbing, it absolutely is, but having seen all of those comments I went in so guarded that I think I failed to connect emotionally. As far as disturbing themes go… unless you have a specific trigger or squick about sexual coercion such that you find it more disturbing than other types of coercion and violence, to me this felt about on par with books like Lord of the Flies, The Freeze-Frame Revolution, and Mirror Dance. Maybe more unrelenting about things; the unpleasantness taking up a greater portion of the book. (…By which I mean all of it. Beginning to end. :'D) . Themes about consent I’ve seen the themes of captivity-as-rescue, consent, helplessness, unwilling-sympathy-for-captors, and manipulation explored in ways that were more compelling to me before. But I also recognize that this is only the first book in the series. I did appreciate that Butler mostly treated the lack of meaningful choice and lack of consensual human connection as the points of real horror, and as the root cause of most human-on-human violence. . Themes about genetics I had… very mixed feelings about the our-children-won't-be-humans angsting. Again, the lack of consent was the major moral issue to me; the concept of having involuntary children at all is the horror to me. The genetic panic, on the other hand… I don't know. In the context of the story, sure, it'd be the end of the human race. And that's fine as a thought experiment, even if I don't find it particularly compelling on a personal level. (I think the only way I would find it compelling is if the thought went one step further: "And our children are going to go on to carry out this same cruel process on some other species…") But it kind of falls apart if you try to make any kind of connection back to the real world with it, because the closest comparisons I can see are to fear and hatred of disability and interracial children, and on both fronts: oof. But that may well be what Butler is intending to explore! So… again. I'm curious to see what her conclusions will be, if I manage to get through any of the rest of the series.

#dawn #octavia e butler #dawn by octavia e butler #xenogenesis #scifi #book reviews #my stuff #my reading

[adarafaelbarba]

Hiii for @storiesofsvu bingo: Duarte + holiday work party please. Super fluff? Maybe post him getting attacked by bx9???? Thanks!

a/n: So sorry this is so late! I completely forgot I had it in my drafts 😅

He absolutely did not want to go. Hated big stuffy parties where higher ups would come to look down on the people below them in ranks, and the boots and others with no officer ranks to their names would try to do anything to please their higher ups, anything to climb the ladder.

But then you’d mentioned one night as you were lying in his bed that you were going. And he knew he had to go too. Not cause you could go together—no one knew about the relationship—but because he wanted to see how you’d dress, and at the end of the night he’d sneak you away back to his place.

So he decided to go. But opted on using his cane instead of the chair he mostly used. The wounds on his legs hurt like hell if he moved too much, but he did not want others to see him in the chair or give empty sympathy.

You’d not been to happy when you showed up to pick him up and he stood outside in the cold, cane in hand. “Miguel—you shouldn’t put yourself through this torture. Let me go get you chair—“

“No. Please don’t. It’s enough torture going to this party. I don’t want the looks.” The pleading in his eyes boring into you.

“Okay but you have to sit as much as possible when we get there—no dancing for you.”

He wanted to say that the only dancing he wanted to do was with you even if he couldn’t.

You helped him into the car quickly, leaning over to kiss him once you were back in the drivers seat.

“You look beautiful, darling,” he murmured, taking your hand and lifting it to kiss it.

That made you chuckle. “You’ve not even seen the dress I’m wearing.”

"I'm sure I'll love it either way. You always look so good."

You looked at your boyfriend again, worry etching on your face. "You know, Miguel, we don't have to go tonight. We can go back up to yours and just spend the night on the couch."

Although it sounded like the best plan, he knew how much you wanted to go to the party. It was one of the few times you got to see your friends from across the different precincts.

"No. It's okay. I can manage a few hours."

You smiled at that, telling him you owed him for going.

"I know, that's one of the reasons I'll go to it."

~~~

All night he watched you dance and drink with your friends, ignoring advances made on you by other men and some women. He hated that he couldn't spend the night with you. Mike had wanted to show you off for so long, but he knew what could happen if people found out. The accusations that would be made towards him, and her were not worth the risk, and you had agreed to that.

Which was why, when you sauntered over to him at some point during the night he was really surprised. "y/n--" "Hi Mike", you whispered, leaning over to kiss him. "I've missed you all night."

He looked around, then leaned back to kiss you again, "I missed you too."

~~~

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#my writing #law and order svu #mike duarte #mike duarte x reader

[dangerously-human]

While I was working with former work bff this week, I mentioned something about how former office crush #1 broke up with his girlfriend somewhat recently, and after some brief sympathy for him, she automatically shifted into eyebrow-waggling mode, going, "Sooo, if he's single now, do you—?" Which makes sense, of course, since him dating that girl was why I did finally move on; there was an initial attempt, while he was still single but I'd learned he was an atheist, and it only ended up in a spiral until it just wasn't an option anymore. But before she even finished the sentence, I was shaking my head, explaining that no, absolutely not, we have massively different values and it would never work. Did I think, for a second, when he told me - of course I did, you don't hear "hey I'm single again" from the first person you fell in love with and not have that thought, I think, not if there was never a wedge between you, anyway. "Are you sure?" she pushed. But even if it were an option - and whatever overly optimistic possibilities I may sometimes indulge about the past, it sure isn't now - I still wouldn't want that. Honestly. (Mostly honestly.) Which is progress. As I explained to her, I love being friends with him, but I'm friends with lots of people I'm quite different from, and my one non-negotiable is I will not date a non-Christian. She was quiet for a bit and then said, "I really wish it had worked out for you with [the adventurer]," and I sighed and agreed, because yeah, that one just made sense. That one's more recent, but I never let it spin out of control like with OC1 (surrendered it to God from day one), so it's not as hard to marshall the what-ifs - but it does still suck, sometimes, especially because he's still the same, you know, still one of my favorite people and still unfairly good-looking and still in my orbit all the time, and it still makes sense and it's a bummer that he wasn't interested in dating at all and I don't think I was ever really an option that way. But it is what it is and I genuinely am okay with it. What I realized, after all this - and I think our conversation afterward helped me understand, especially where she kept saying she would not have made it without me and she's constantly wishing she could give me one fraction of that back, and despite my honest assurances, I don't think she sees that she has, a hundred times over - is that it's not so much that she specifically wants to see me with any one of these boys, it's that she wants to be part of my happiness in that way, and it frustrates her that she hasn't had the opportunity to even try in a long time. So I told her one of my goals for this year is to try the dating app thing, much as it strikes me as less than ideal, and I asked for her help with a profile and figuring out what to say in general. She loves having a mission, and I trust her impressions of people (for me, anyway) - and she's a born hype woman, there's no one who could talk me up better, lol. I'll need Bible study bestie's buy-in too before doing anything with that goal, because I need a friend who loves Jesus to be on my team... but the point of this, I think, was reflecting on how grateful I am for this friendship, and the way she is automatically my cheerleader and wants to be part of good things for me. Everyone needs that kind of friend, truly.

#personal #state of the heart address

[yakool-foolio]

i second the Vivia Shuichi thing, but unfortunately (imo) Vivia's store has the same issue that bugs me about Shuichi's.

after being put through hell and back by their jobs, despite clearly not wanting to be detectives and wanting to seek something they enjoyed more, the characters (mostly just one situationally oblivious character that no one corrects) around them instead encouraged their detective jobs till they caved in and accepted being detectives despite all the pain it's caused them.

their distastes for the jobs they ended up in due to circumstance and aren't really passionate about is treated as a flaw that needs to be corrected by the end. and now just as i love to go "Shuichi should drop his detective work postgame" i'm saying it for Vivia too.

these two have been through enough trauma, let them rest, don't make them do a 180 into liking being detectives like it was some sorts of flaw that they don't like the job they didn't want.

i think it's worse cause the damn message of raincode spits directly in Shuichi's eyes, going completely against his morals

While Vivia and Shuichi may have a similar overarching theme of accepting the blunt truth for the sake of others, their stories still differ in other ways. I get that Kaito pushed Shuichi to gain confidence in himself and his detective work, but I don't really see anyone doing the same for Vivia on the same level. If you're talking about Yuma, I wouldn't really compare him to Kaito since he's just doing his job as a fellow detective, so of course he wants to try to get Vivia to help him out, especially since their collaboration is the only way they can achieve the full truth. Unless you're referring to Yakou's spirit calling out to Vivia, but I definitely wouldn't call Yakou situationally oblivious in that moment (or really at any point in the game, in fact I think he's one of the most aware cause of his paranoia and experiences with the peacekeepers ((and the letter))) since that situation is almost entirely about him. And Yakou is encouraging Vivia to solve his own death, which he knew would lead to Vivia uncovering the identity of Anonymous. Vivia could've easily said no and dipped, but he deeply cares for Yakou and takes on the role of a detective for him.

Even then, these other characters pushing Vivia and Shuichi to continue their detective work isn't with any intent to hurt them. The others have to rely on them in order to survive, and they accept that task because they want to bring peace to everyone, even if the truth is painful. They have the smarts to back them up, and they use it when they need to. Though they may not want to be detectives, the events they've been put through means they have to own up to their jobs, even if they wish they didn't have to.

Them not wanting to be detectives isn't really portrayed as a flaw that needs to be corrected. Sure, the aversion to the harmful truth is the main conflict of their respective arcs, but them wishing they didn't have to be detectives isn't treated as an awful thing that should be discouraged. To the characters, yeah, it can definitely seem that way since their work is held in high regard, but to the players, that trait isn't meant to be something the players want fixed. It's supposed to add a layer of sympathy, feeling sorry for the the ones who are stuck doing something they wouldn't normally want to do, strung into this mess by fate.

Since both their futures are left uncertain, it's very likely that they could end up quitting their jobs as detectives. We don't know anything about what Shuichi's life will be like in the outside world, or what Vivia will choose to do when he returns to the WDO. They became detectives for someone, but they have the chance to move on and follow a path that makes them happier.

I don't see how Rain Code's message spits on V3 and/or Shuichi's arc. Rain Code is about exposing the truth for the sake of everyone's happiness (and later evolving into 'everyone can follow their own logic and emotion to reach a truth they're satisfied with'), and V3 (without mentioning all the fiction stuff) is about how truth and lies have a huge impact on the world around us and can even be interchangeable depending on the situation. There isn't really anything that Rain Code is dismissing. These are two different morals from two different games, focusing of different aspects of truth through the lens of detective characters. In fact, I think Rain Code's final message of 'everyone can follow their own creed' compliments Shuichi's character well, since a major part of chapter 5 is when Shuichi utilizes his faith in Kaito to find a deeper conclusion in the trial with the truth he uncovers.

#makes me want to replay v3 again so i can remember more #so i apologize if i missed out on any important details #master detective archives: rain code #rain code #rain code spoilers #vivia twilight #danganronpa v3 #shuichi saihara

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary203

4/5-6/2024

friday - saturday

annoyed.

my gf had me go out with our friend because he successfully defended his thesis today. i didn't think i would but i was persuaded and i stood around in a club i didn't really want to be in for 2 hours listening to music that was either okay or decent but i wasn't enthused. i liked everyone i knew there but i didn't really have anything to say. i just didn't feel there or want to be there.

today i also got asked by my coworker to spot her some money, 30 dollars, i have 24 laying around, i say yeah. she says, don't tell anyone and that's weird but it seems like a shame thing. so like, other people are around, i don't get to, or she doesn't let me. it seems easy to explain that she can't pay a phone bill or something to them, but maybe she's done this in the past and they have no sympathy. i just feel like i should be good for one favor probably. after that i am kind of spent, with everyone mostly, or at least with money. i tell this to my gf and she's like sure yeah.

but then when i bring up that i'll have to probably go over there w/ friends to just hand her the money she says like, why are you doing that, whatever, not in a jealous way, just like, what if we need money and like we aren't doing well i guess but every time i try to talk about it with her, if i need to keep my job for longer than i think to offer money up, pay for something, she says no. straight up no, it's not important that i do that. it's detrimental to her even for me to have a job because it makes me prickly and exhausted.

she does that in front of people, which makes me panic because it seems like we've been in the middle of a crisis and that she's trying to make me look bad on a night i didn't even want to come out for. i just got off work when she called, i had to go home and get myself ready for a second time today, and then i just stood around while people drank and i did nothing. which is fine that's the life i've made for myself basically. but it upsets me that she'd spring it on me out of nowhere like that.

when we got home i was like, what was that, are we fucked, what is going on, why would you spring it on me like that and catastrophize, and she was just like, sorry, i guess.

she feels worse than that but i don't know. i don't feel like i'm very cruel for being upset about this. it's not like i need or want anyone to validate me either, i just want to put the thoughts here, to see where i feel tomorrow i guess. this is the first 'large' argument we've had in a while. i ask her like once a week if i need to keep my job and pay for something, it's routine and it seems to bother her, but i keep doing it because i am so not in the loop about money because she decides i'm too anxious and stupid to deal with it, but then she brings it up in a way that's like, socially humiliating or something? like i don't know. it's pointed to do it like that and maybe she doesn't even realize, i imagine she doesn't, but this is the kind of thing being raised by her mother would bring out, as in, it's just a kind of behavior she learns and it's not like i can really even blame her, or maybe it's not even fair to say it's learned. i know it's a real anxiety, but it's such a failure to talk to me seriously. idk.

and then before then she spent the whole night trying to have fun with me by grabbing my arms and touching me and i kept saying no and it took until like the 5th fucking time each time to get her to stop. i wanted to not be touched. i don't care if it makes me cold i am just like that sometimes i don't want to be touched all of the time i can't handle it, it feels bad sometimes, like painful and like bugs crawling on me. it's anyone that can do this, anyone on earth will make me feel like that and it's not some issue with her. it's me but i'd like it to be respected or something.

there's other stuff today too that's not a relationship drama. i mean most of our day was good together, what little there was because i spent most of my time at work. we saw our friend who defended his thesis earlier, or she brought him over before i left. that was nice. i liked seeing her then. i liked seeing her in the club even though i wasn't having fun and she was irritating me sometimes.

and then i wanted to work on music stuff today but i just have no time and people are coming over tomorrow. i feel hurried and bothered.

as soon as i got home i had like 2 people texting me anxiously as i was trying to get ready, my gf and co worker. my gf was trying to get an uber to me, or our friend got it and then she was coordinating, and my co worker just desperate about me trying to get to work tomorrow to give her 24 dollars. my gf is crazy if she thinks i want to do this but it's like, if someone is asking me of all people for help, and not their parents, not other people, they must either be scared of something or just not getting any other help, which makes me feel bad and it's not like this cash was in any fund for anything. it was literally my money, untethered to any plans of any kind. i don't want anything from me helping her, i literally just want to know that her life is less bad or something, this is the minimum i can do for anybody and it makes me feel awful i can't do it most of the time.

if i consider what she said from her side, which i really should, it is obviously the kind of thing where she's just talking and joking like, oh why help her, she has parents, haha, and like yeah, it's funny and i should have said no but i didn't, so i am on the hook and as easy as it is to get off the hook it's like, that's happened to me too much to want to keep it going, not even with money just in general, people fall through, they are flakes, i would like to not be. at the same time she said something not really thinking (drunk), she really hurt my feelings, or upset me in multiple ways beyond hurt feelings. it's not fun to have to put this in front of other people, i don't think it's noble or worth anything, it's not even the amount she needs it's just literally the most i can spare as it's not sitting in my bank account, it is purely liquid and never accounted for, it sat here for weeks. if my gf needed it she could have taken it, if i needed it, i could have used it.

but the money is not the important part, it's that she was just trying to joke and dissuade me from helping, and that it came out relatively bad to me, she is probably right that no one else will think about it but i also wonder like, what is with the impulse to air it out like that anyways. whatever. i just don't want to be mad at her and i guess i'm not, she is probably upset at me for being upset at a failed joke but i don't really feel wrong for it. just like i should have let it go easier or something. but idk. on some level i feel like i can never tell her how i feel about anything. if i do, she takes it mega personal, which she is now, and it's always been that way. i feel trapped by it, i can't do anything about it.

anyway, reading was good. i am liking the hito steyerl essays more, and foucault is insightful as always, he got to the inquisition as an early example, or maybe not example, just vision of the disciplinary structures that would arrive, an antecedent of the panopticon in ways, but still very different as it organized nature, created natural sciences and enabled the exploitation of that domain, the panoptic structure does this for 'the human'. one thing caught me, is lodged in this book is something rather anti-hegelian i guess, or against the dialectic, it's a very simple thing, but given that these ideas of the sovereign aren't really excised so much as repurposed, for instance the parade as expression of discipline, the ritual still in some way points to the sovereign, as well, the sovereign is now managed, not kings literally but a sovereignty and right of individuals, this is developed and managed via methods of coercion, very interesting, as it posits not a real humanization of things, an improvement, but a method of retention and recycling. or perhaps this is my incorrect and strange reading and i am actually quite stupid.

i am stupid, aren't i.

so that is where i am at. i guess i'm going to listen to the album tomorrow, see how it sounds, maybe try another sequencing of it, and then, idk, take notes i guess.

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[thatgirl4815]

Not sure if I'm going anywhere with this, or even if there's anywhere to go: but I found it really interesting that Boston's episode was so sympathetic to Sand. I feel like it reinforces the hints that they must know each other, beyond just "Oh yeah, the bar singer/local slut (semi-affectionate)." Do you have any thoughts on that?

I hadn’t thought about the possible influence of Boston’s POV this episode! Interesting point.

I’ve always found it notable that Sand acts rather positively towards Boston when Nick brings him over to the apartment that first time. But since then, I haven’t seen much else that’s furthered that suspicion that they know each other.

The episode perspectives are really cool devices, but I’m not sure how far to take them. I don’t know how we could filter everything through Boston’s viewpoint for things that he’s not involved in? Or is it meant to be that if he’s sympathetic to Sand, we should get to see more of Sand’s reaction as opposed to other characters? I suppose it’s probably not meant to be taken literally.

I don’t get the impression that Boston feels any more positively towards Sand than the rest of them. But Boston is okay with screwing over his best friends, so telling Sand about Ray’s crush on Mew doesn’t seem as bad comparatively. He still knew it would pack a punch for Sand though. So I wouldn’t say Boston and Sand were friends before. And if they did know each other, I’m not sure what reason they would have to hide it from the rest of the group? Unless the implication is that they’ve secretly hooked up, but I think Boston would’ve already used that against Ray at some point during an argument. He doesn’t want Ray to feel that anything he has is truly his, and that goes for Sand too. I think he would’ve flaunted that pretty fast.

I also still think the half-brothers theory would be so cool, and I think there’s a way it could play out where it makes sense. My main concern now is if there’s enough time to watch a plot like that unfold.

Anyways, sorry I think I might’ve gotten a little off track there. In general, I’m not sure how much to read into the Boston/Sand dynamic. I don’t know if I’d say Boston’s perspective this ep really shined a light on his sympathetic feelings towards Sand, mostly because I don’t think Boston has much sympathy for anyone. As for if they know each other, I think it probably would’ve come up in the story at some point already (that being said, I won’t complain if it turns out there is some kind of relationship between them we don’t know about).

#sorry this ended up coming out like more of a brainstorm #only friends #ofts #only friends the series #only friends boston #bostonnick #sandboston #bostonsand #only friends sand #ask #only friends ask #only friends episode 8

[bambsik]

Time for Helen Amell's dynamics with her team! Of course I could add everywhere: It was difficult at first and it's complicated, so I'm writing it here to not repeat myself

Morrigan: I wrote a separate post about them here because they're awesome. So, long story short, they're best friends now and would die for each other. I can only add that in my canon they both learned spirit healing magic from Wynne, because they both have to admit now that these stupid people they travel and fight with are important and they need to take care of their stupid health (and also each other). So they are both growing as a person. 

Leliana: That’s actually interesting because when I created Helen, I thought she was gonna romance Leliana. But she looked at her and simply said: No. Not the crazy chantry lady. Plz no. Helen likes her, but can’t take her seriously because of the whole Maker thing. She sees that Leliana would want to get closer, but that just won’t work. They have too different worldviews.

Dog: Spider is of course best friend of Helen’s :) She loves him from the first sight and is amazed that he chose her. From having nothing in the Circle Tower to have A DOG FRIEND? The best feeling ever.

Zevran: When she saw Zevran lying on the ground and begging her to take him into her crew, she just thought: yeah, he matches this band of idiots. And she was right. After the first untrust was overcome, she discovered that she really likes listening to his stories. That she likes the way he talks, even if she’s not really comfortable with the flirting part. But she sees his approach to people as some kind of defense mechanism. So she’s not taking it seriously. They’re definitely friends, sometimes it gets very cringy or awkward, but they’re friends.

Wynne: Helen and Wynne have probably the worst relationship of all. Like, it’s not bad, but it’s very one-sided, because Wynne would like to be friends and all, but Helen sees her only as some old Circle mage, who has problems with some spirit and her health. Helen wanted her to leave even, when she and Morrigan learned the spirit healing magic, but Wynne pressed to stay. So she is here, but she is kinda and outsider. At least to Helen.

Sten: This is probably the most surprising to Helen, I swear. She opened the cage mostly because of Morrigan’s suggestion (also, having some big ass warrior in the party while fighting darkspawn could be quite useful, no?), and this grim qunari guy was the first to become her friend. Like??? The more she was mean to him, the more he seemed to like her. Of course she found a way to piss him off by asking too many questions, but still. She doesn’t understand what’s going on in terms of their friendship, but she’s kinda grateful for it. It’s interesting, for sure. 

Shale: Golem friend! Helen treats Shale with sympathy. Can’t say they’re besties, but definitely like each other's company. They find each other very interesting. 

Oghren: As I mentioned before, Helen learns a lot from Oghren, mostly in terms of human relations and being carefree. The way he has this easy approach to almost everything… Total opposite of Helen. They don’t agree on everything, but definitely like each other. They do these drinking nights when they can, there's a lot of talking, singing, making stupid jokes. Little sunshine in the middle of the Plague. Also, Oghren helped Helen to develop that romantic side of her, by being definitely not romantic at all. 

Alistair: I put him last because this is the most interesting to me. I didn’t expect ANYTHING that happened in this relationship. 

So, he didn’t make a bad first impression, but connection to templars gave him minus points at the beginning. They fought together and there was a distance, but it wasn’t bad, but then he just dumped all the responsibility on her. Like, she was lost, first time this far after they took her to Circle, not to mention this Grey Warden chaos and everything. And then he questioned her decisions, he was furious even! So there was lots of arguing, crying and things like that.

But slowly, as the time passed, they both saw a different side of each other. The crucial points to their relationship was the Fade, where Helen saw Alistair was her friend in his vision, and then turning back to Ostagar. 

She definitely started seeing him as someone different. More vulnerable and someone not so religious as she first thought. Someone who just wanted to have a family, who craved having someone close to him, who lost his father figure and a friend. Someone with a hard past, just like hers. And later, when Oghren joined, she saw that innocent side of Alistair. And she liked it. 

Slowly, their mocking each other became awkward flirting. 

So, when Plague almost reached Denerim and there was Landsmeet coming, she said: I don’t care anymore. And kissed this asshole. And realized that he’s an idiot, but her idiot. 

#dragon age #dao #dragon age origins #gameplay #helen amell #bambs plays dragon age #warden amell #amell playthrough #alistair theirin #leliana #morrigan #sten #oghren #mabari #wynne #zevran arainai #shale #dao team

[linddzz]

The pottery studio I go to is in a upper middle class area, in what is known through the city as the Wealthy Christian Conservative Zone, and as such the majority of the other people are middle aged to older white women who make little things for their grandkids and talk about their Catholic Bible studies.

Which is all to say it's not my typical crowd as I'm not theirs. I at first just kept my headphones in and kept to myself. But I go multiple times a week, and conversations happen, and it's been a nice reminder to myself the value of what I like to preach about regarding talking to people outside my demographics.

Now, to make it clear, that's mostly because these women have pleasantly surprised me all around. Part of why I've kept going is I haven't heard anything homophobic or transphobic or racist. This isn't to say none of them feel this way, I don't know. But there is a lot of common ground. Hell, maybe they've been pleasantly surprised that the tattood younger woman with the purple undercut is polite and nice to them.

They find out I'm a marine biologist and ask curious questions. One asks if lobsters have feelings because she's concerned after finding out how lobsters are cooked. They're all both amused and fascinated by my answer of "if you ask two animal behaviorists that you'll get ten answers and then the behaviorists will get into a fistfight." This led to a discussion all around on the complex nuance of eating meat and trying to navigate the ethics of the horrid industry and needing to find out what companies actually have better welfare and which are lying.

One told me about her son in highschool. She explains COVID hit his sophomore year and he was so driven and outgoing but the isolation and state of the world have made it so it's hard getting him to go to highschool or think about his future. None of them judge him or blame the quarantines. They all nod in sympathy and we talk about how we don't know how we would have handled the same things at that age, and how it's so hard for kids these days.

One woman says that she's amazed at the GenZ generation. She says her generation got disillusioned but "we were weaker. We just shut it out and got morose and made existential art about how bad society was. But the millennials and GenZ kids said they wouldn't accept it. At this point I go to where the kids are going for protests. They know what they're fighting for."

One tells me about her daughter going to school for anthropology. Her kid loves learning and she herself is shocked at what she doesn't know. "Did you all know that they purposely gave smallpox blankets to Native tribes? It's horrible. I never learned that. I should have learned that."

There's a girl in college for an art degree that works there and it's obvious she feels right at home amongst these women. She talks about a shitty thing her boyfriend said and they all tell her to dump his ass. I chime in with red flags that she's mentioned and they all nod. "Don't just get married because people think you should." One tells her. "Im married now and if I could have done things differently..."

There's enough sympathetic nodding that it's distressing. I've only just started joining the conversation and wish I was at a point where I could tell them their lives aren't over. They can still leave and not settle. But it's heartening in a way to see that they don't want to pass those ideas that still hold them on to the younger women.

I don't know how all these elder, Catholic white women vote and I'm not asking. There's still value. It's good, I think, to see a bunch of women who I would usually be extremely cautious of (and who might be cautious of me) and find how much we can talk, to find they're more nuanced than I may have expected, to see that older generations can learn and do learn and could keep learning.

#mostly because its a nice reminder that older people who refuse to change got no damn excuse lmao #anyway its nice to remember that stepping out of your demographic bubble can be good #im not hanging out with any of them outside of the studio but like #theres still value in these sort of friendly acquaintance relationships