#I'm just too disabled to work a normal job why will people not accept that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

iqmmir · 3 months

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THIS IS A YUNO POST ABOUT HOW YUNO IS LITERALLY JUST SOME GIRL!!!!! TRUST ME GUYS!!!!!

also thank you tsumi @74n5n for reading this for me i love talking about you with the milgram sillies forwve

Have you ever spoken to spoken who is clearly in a bad situation but they refuse to accept it?

I'm going to give an example of my mother, because it's easier to explain with an example.

My mother has an elder brother who has polio. My grandmother was very protective of him because of that and also due to the way they (my grandmother and her friends, people of that generation) were raised, there was a certain way she treated her children differently.

My grandmother expected everyone in the world to be against my uncle because of his disability. So she was very protective of him. Simultaneously, there are certain things I remember her saying to me that I'm pretty sure she said to my mother also. 'Once you're older, your brother will take care of his family, so you have to take care of your parents' 'Who is the mother supposed to rely on, if not the daughter?' 'You're the girl, you're more mature than your brother, so understand this'

Things like this are very common here. I personally do not believe this, but I'm talking about my mother here. She (and my grandmother) automatically believed that the '(Elder) Son' is someone who the 'Parent' and, if applicable, '(Younger, usually girl) Sibling' must help and take care of so they can become their 'own person' with their 'own family'. It's a certain concept. I'm just telling this to explain something else trust me guys okay.

My mother was treated horribly. I can see that, my brother can see that, my father can see that. My mother herself however lives in denial. My grandmother, to raise her son, treated her daughter like an adult when she was a child. Expecting her to be the 'mature' one. 'You're the daughter, you'll be stuck taking care of kids, other girls deal with this too, so you should get used to it, this is the norm.'

Being the 'mature' one is a matter of pride for her. Being the one understanding others, devoting herself to others, denying yourself of what makes you happy, that makes her proud.

But, see, this is normal. This is how everyone here lives. I'm not saying it's right.

A wife, a mother, a sister. Wake up before everyone else, clean the house, make breakfast for your children, send them to school, do the housework, make breakfast for your husband, go to your own job, come back, make lunch, clean the house, take care of your children. It's too much work. But it's the regular for most women her age.

It's normal. So whenever I or my brother point out how 'being only for others' is really disturbing and stuff, my mother's reply is usually along the lines of 'Everyone lives like this.' This is normal, see.

Now, I know nothing about japan and its system. But the way Yuno behaves reminds me of my mother, and other girls Yuno's age that I have met. Let me elaborate.

Yuno detests the idea of being a victim. She believes a victim to be someone weak, not someone like her. Someone without any choice, not someone like her. Someone who is hurt, not someone like her. Someone who needs to be helped, not someone like her. She is normal. She is not a victim.

Yuno is the eldest daughter of a house with no father. Whatever she's doing, it's all expected of her. For her, this is normal. Taking care of her younger siblings, it's normal. Minimising her own expenses so much that the most expensive thing she ever bought was a teddy bear, it's normal.

The way she is behaving, it's all expected of her. She's the girl, she must be more mature. She's the sister, she must take care of her siblings. She is mature, she does not need help or anything of the sort. She is independent. She is not a victim.

Do you know why most people deny having depression or anything? It's because of how everyone views them. A victim of abuse, a victim of neglect, treating them with pity, not as a person. They've probably done that themselves. Seeing the 'victims' as someone helpless and not capable of taking care of themselves. Someone that needs someone else.

The system, society, capitalism, whatever you want to call it, encourages this mindset. Treating victims as someone with no autonomy, viewing it as a 'bad' thing will stop people from looking for help. If everyone is similar, it will be normal. Being a 'victim' is a very.. isolating thing. People begin treating them as 'concepts of victims'. Constantly treating them with pity, looking down on them. No one will want that right? Being treated like a 'victim' is equivalent to being treated like an idiot. For a better example, being treated like a toddler.

I'm going to talk about Muu here, to explain my thoughts a little more. The moment 'inmf' dropped, I wasn't here, I wasn't part of the fandom, but from the posts and things I have seen, Muu became someone.. 'manipulative'. Everything she did in Trial 1, she was only doing it for pity. Now she has too much ego. The idea of a victim, she isn't fitting there anymore. She has done something wrong. She is in the wrong too. But a 'victim' can't be in the wrong. It's either a victim or a bitch, you can't be both. A 'victim' can't be held responsible for their actions. She was bullied, it was wrong. It was wrong of her to bully others too (I have more complicated thoughts about this, but this isn't a muu post). But for some reason, the fandom.. can't accept it properly.

'She regrets killing Rei' she views herself as a monster because she doesn't regret killing Rei. 'Shes manipulative' She was behaving like any other teenage girl who has been kidnapped from her house and being told that she's a murderer. For some reason, Muu simultaneously being a victim and being a bitch is very difficult for people to comprehend.

Being a victim of domestic abuse does not give you the right to abuse your children, right? But when the idea that Amane's mother is also a victim was brought up, everyone was so uncomfortable with it. BEING A VICTIM DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE IMMEDIATELY FUCKING FORGIVEN, IT'S NOT A FREE PASS, YOU SEE? A 'victim' is a person with a whole personality, you can't see them as black and white because it's not who the person is.

This is something many people, including Yuno don't understand. Once you're labelled a 'victim' everyone begins to make excuses for you, those who you have hurt need to 'understand that you were hurt too'. So for Yuno, who strongly believes in society and its ideals, 'if im a victim it means i had no choice it means the people i have hurt [im shooting an arrow in the dark here, trust me bro please] need to understand, if im a victim i owe nothing to anyone'. The concept of victim is something like this to her.

This is how many, many girls I know think. In their mind, because of how they were raised and how everyone else thinks, they are being normal. They aren't victims. Yuno is literally just some girl.

#.mimiming ❜#my milgram thoughts #milgram #yuno kashiki

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bunnakit · 6 months

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last twilight e3 thoughts feelings etc

so in the past ive watched the episodes and digested them and come back and rewatched to put together my thoughts but im kinda crunched for time today and have a mountain of work to do sooo i'm just gonna do this in one sitting and i'm so sorry if it's not as good or as coherent as what i usually deliver aaa. it's also going to be a bit longer than normal probably but i'll try to cut down on stuff that seems unnecessary or maybe just too obvious to comment on.

OH ITS STILL REALLY LONG EVEN WITH EDITING I'M SO SORRY.

oh them being playful with each other is everything to me. oh my god and Mhok learned, he listened to Porjai and he learned to organize and clean and do things with Day as an active participant so he knows where everything is and is taking control of his own life. oh we're only 3 minutes in and i'm emotional, okay.

i do love that we get to see the way Day has isolated himself and that while his family haven't helped there's also a large part of it that is his doing. ive said it before but when you're newly disabled it can be so so easy to isolate yourself. hell, i've been diagnosed for almost 10 years and i still do it from time to time as my condition worsens because it's hard. there are so many questions you have to answer, there's the anxiety of not knowing if people are going to be accommodating to your needs, and sometimes it takes twice or even three times the energy it used to take before because every action is a little harder now. it can be terrifying to put yourself out there again and you will lose friends in the process. there will be people that don't understand, that find you to be an inconvenience, that won't make accommodations for you, and it will hurt every time but saying goodbye to those people is always ultimately for the better - but it doesn't make it hurt less. as much as i'd love the realism of it, i hope we don't have to see Day go through that.

Day's story about his friend is interesting, too. he says he doesn't want to be pitied by his friends but the thing is. they just did that, they accommodated their friend, and from the sound of it they did it without judgement. so why couldn't it be the same for him? it just shows more of his anxiety and his fear.

"once i'm ready you'll be the first to get my invitation card." Porjai and Mhok's friendship means so so fucking much to me.

"i felt like my life was worthless. all i saw in people's eyes was insult."

screaming. crying. throwing up. i don't need to say anything about this but i thought you all should know it made me ill.

here's the thing, my best friend and i dated in high school, we were 16 and fucking stupid and toxic and our home lives were shit and we took it out on each other and we made each other fucking miserable by the end of things. we didn't talk again for over five years. it took time to come back together, to heal and accept our own faults in what went wrong. we stumbled here and there as we came back together but now? almost 10 years later i don't know what i'd do without him. that's my platonic soulmate, that's the one person besides my husband i can share anything with. fuck, he knows more about my life than my husband does because he was there to see me at my worst, at the scariest point in my life where i almost wasn't around anymore to see tomorrow. that kind of friendship is so fucking special, i cannot even properly put it into words, and for Mhok to keep that? to have that with Porjai? i'm so fucking glad he has that. i'm so glad he got to keep his platonic soulmate.

small aside, i love that Mhok consistently announces himself to Day. it's a little action but it's so considerate. he's honestly doing such an incredible job.

Day puts his sunglasses on like armor; like they can shield him from the judging stares or looks of pity he can't see. maybe someday he won't need them, not because his heart has hardened to take the blows, but maybe because he knows Mhok is by his side. because remember - it's the way they look at us.

"i heard you wanted to take time off and focus on badminton" Night i'm going to drown you in your own toilet. this is just furthering my thoughts from episode 2 that Night is ashamed of his brother and his condition, or perhaps that the family is trying to hide his condition for some fucking stupid reason.

the bravery it took Day to come here and admit whats happening to his is huge, but i'm also in love with the admissions admin saying sure, you can have time off, but you're not allowed to quit. you're not allowed to give up on yourself.

"we must live with hope, Day" and that's it. you have to. you just have to. every day is going to be so hard and so much, you'll have good and bad days, but at least in all those days you'll have hope. and maybe someday that hope won't be for new eyes. maybe that hope will turn into acceptance, into determination, into pride at what you've accomplished in spite of it all. in my opinion, hope is an amazing fuel but it's not sustainable, it's just a vehicle to get you to where you need to be.

Mhok asking a blind man for a tour, oh fuck fuck fuckfuckufkcufk-- Mhok essentially saying show me your world exactly as you remember it, let me in. see how things have changed and how they've remained the same and do it with me by your side.

THE WAY MHOK SHIELDS HIM AT THE LIBRARY. DAY DOESN'T NEED TO WEAR HIS SUNGLASSES LIKE ARMOR BECAUSE MHOK IS BY HIS SIDE AS HIS SHIELD. chewing my own arm off brb.

"and you also have me. nothing to be afraid of" because i will always shield you, i will always protect you, i will stand by your side AAAA--

on part 3/4 now, i promise i'll shut the fuck up soon. if you've read this far pls take this as a smooch checkpoint, i'm giving you a little forehead smooch. have you had any water today? taken your meds? relax your shoulders, unclench your jaw.

ok back to it - Mhok continuously having Day make his own selections in these various machines. Day's fate is in his hands, he can do these things himself, but Mhok will be there with him the whole way.

"my eyes don't work well but my legs do just fine." this is such a massive leap from the man that wouldn't even leave his bedroom, from the man that was suffocating in his environment. Day is no longer a dying man, a shambling corpse. he is an active participant in his own life again.

"stay close to me, that's all i need" bitch i'm gonna throw up, you can't just hit me with that after that's all i've been saying this whole time what the fuck.

OH FUCK ME. okay. alright. hang on. so when they enter the shop Mhok describes it to Day, explains where the jeans are, where the shirts are, asks him what to do and what he wants to take a look at. this is a direct antithesis of Night in episode 1 asking where Day was going to wait for him, where he could leave him so he could get his shit done. Day isn't being asked to wait, to just sit idle while life passes him by, he's being asked what he wants to do, where he wants to go, what he wants to see. FUUUUUCK. and knowing Mhok is doing this because Day expressed that he liked dressing nicely? how the fuck am i supposed to just go to my job like a normal person after this episode.

wow the shirt buttoning scene just made me so mentally ill. right now, Mhok is doing his job. he's helping Day get dressed. but someday? someday this could be Mhok dressing Day not because he needs him to help but simply because Mhok likes doing to for Day. there's the sensuality of caring for your partner, of running your hands over the planes of their shoulders, of skimming your fingers down their chest to pluck every button. it's an exploration and a declaration of love. if we get this again in a future scene and it's something like that please remember me fondly because i will perish.

at the bookstore Mhok recognizing Day doesn't want to wait, but Day has become so accustomed to the other people in his life telling him what to do that he falls back into that behavior - but Mhok doesn't let him. he prioritizes Day's needs and desires, even if it's something as little as finding a book, without being asked.

THE LAST PAGE IS MISSING.

(because one can't see his future and the other can't see in the future, but also because they'll make their own ending, they'll face that when they get there, but they'll do it together -- what if i lost my shit completely of it?)

when Mhok leaves Day to get him a drink the camera is focused on Day and the clear warring emotions on his face but if you look in the background Mhok hesitates, he stops and turns a few times to look at day. he's reluctant to leave him and worried. Mhok worries so much but it's always so understated or in the background, covered by the emotions of others he values above himself. (or overlooked because of 'what type of person he is')

while its anxiety inducing i do enjoy this regression of behavior because adapting to a new life is hard. you will regress, you will stumble, you will fall into old habits or sometimes old fears will return. its what you do after that that is important. the one thing i hope doesn't happen is i hope this doesn't cause a rift with Porjai. i think Mhok needs her right now, maybe not forever, but definitely right now.

HE PUT ON THE FUCKING SHIRT. THE FUCKING SHIRT DAY COULD SEE FROM MARS. OH MY GOD. i know this doesn't need to be commented on, i know it's obvious, but FUUUUCK.

Day's mom trying to weaponize Mhok's past and Mhok taking the ammunition from her hands and telling Day himself. the acceptance of the past and the determination to move on and grow from it. Day's refusal to let the past repeat itself with a new caretaker. whoo boy.

and again Day wants to see Mhok, because even bruised and battered Mhok is worth seeing.

if the last episode ends with "sweet dreams/good night" i will be burying myself alive, thanks.

tagging @benkaaoi and @callipigio as requested (if you want to be added to my last twilight meta tag list just let me know!)

THE PINK SHIRT RUINING HIS BAD BOY IMAGE BECAUSE IT IS BEING RUINED. HE'S MOVING ON, HE'S GROWING, HE'S BECOMING A NEW PERSON. FUCK OFF.

i'm so so sorry this was so long, every episode makes me feel more and more things and makes me analyze shit more and more.

#last twilight #last twilight the series #ltts meta #bunn meta #mhokday #morkday

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icyrambles · 9 months

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i'm begging transformers writers to do something interesting with the fact that cybertronians are able to have altmodes that are just objects....

give me cybertronians whose altmodes are literally disability aids. like imagine the level of trust between two individuals; one who is disabled, maybe they their legs don't work or maybe their back struts have decayed to the point that they cannot be replace and having a cybertronian with a wheelchair or cane altmode assigned to them so that they can live a normal life without being shoved away to the fringes of society to rot. imagine having your conjunx endura or amica endure being the one to help you walk around or get to the store to buy groceries for the two of you, how much you trust them to keep you upright while they in turn trust you not to treat them like an object.

imagine cybertronians who can turn into listening devices or recorders to sit in on lectures or classrooms so that their friend with audial problems can listen back and get their notes in one time. imagine a cybertronian whose optics started to malfunction or whose just didn't work at all upon first coming into existance and having a friend or partner who can turn into a mobility cane to help them traverse the world. give me cybertronians who have really awful chronic joint pain because they've been alive so long that their parts can no longer be replaced who spend their time being taken care of because the world they live in deemed them existing enough to deserve being taken care of.

imagine cybertronians who've domesticated species of turbofoxes or other native wildlife and train them to be service animals, or herding animals, or hell just fucking pets.

imagine a version of prewar cybertron that integrated its disabled or otherwise unable to work citizens into their loving fold and simply accepted them for who they are.

i'm sick and tired of seeing the headcanons that cybertronians cannot be physically disabled or that the disabled don't exist on their planet because they're machines and can therefore just be fixed. that's boring, it's stupid and it's highly uncreative. transformers is a beautiful piece of media that should be able to incorporate as many people into it's worldbuilding as it can. i. want. more. disabled. cybertronians.

in fact i want more prewar worldbuilding in general. we know painfully little about what cybertron was like before the war and even my babygirl idw 2005 covers it to such a little extent that i'm going to spend the rest of this post complaining about it.

i want more cybertronians with hobbies not related to their altmodes. give me more examples of whirl's clockmaking or cyclonus' singing or swerve's bartending. i want cybertronians whose altmodes are science based spending their weekends hiking up in the mountains, simply taking in the beauty of their planets. i want cybertronians with racing altmodes sitting down and doing yoga in the part because they just need time to slow down. i want cybertronians with radio or communications altmodes/jobs who have hobbies like baking or reading or painting. the reason why so many of these characters feel so dry to me (i'm looking at you transformers prime) is because none of them have things to do outside of the war, not a single goddamn one.

i wanna know more about prewar culture too. i want to know all of the cities of cybertron and how their regional dialects formed. i want to know all the grammatical differences between conjugating a verb in kaonian and icaonian. or the way that northern area of tarn has a distinct accent from the southern. i want vosian accents to be described as elegent or rugged or cruel or how the way they form their glyphs has fundimentally changed the way their vocalizers produce sounds. give me radio stations that broadcast across cybertron with all the latest hits from popular singers. give me movies that get made in helex and then translated into iaconian and then further adapted for vosians.

i want a whole book full of the different ways to make things like energon candies or how to reduce different metals down to be consumed. give me a cybertronian, that before the war, was a cook and how they tried desperately to write down all the recipes in their brain module less that one recipe for sweet honey engex that their deceased conjunx taught them how to make be lost to the waves of forgotten history. give me a frantic archivist scrambling through the ruins of a kaonian library because they know its the only thing left of their family's once rich culture. give me a cybertronian whose job it is to help develop new structures, to design and instruct construction bots on where and when to build homes or libraries or restaurants.

i want a damn lore bible that goes into excruciating depths on how cybertron created and designed their cites, their roads, and their whole lives. i want that thing filled with the ways that families can be formed and how siblings and friends and conjunxes and amica come into existence and how all the cities of cybertron have slightly varied rituals for how those bonds are formed.

i'm so tired of the focus getting put on the war. i want to know the ways that this culture formed, how it grew, how it developed into the breeding ground for the unrest that led to the war. i don't care about megatron and optimus, i care about the cybertronians who came before them, who paved the streets that they walked on, who first spoke the languages that roll off their glossa and get inscribed onto their datapads. give a comic series or animated show that simply shows the day to day lives of various cybertronians before the planet went to hell. and if the writers are so damned insistant on retelling the same damn story again and again than fucking give me characters reminiscing or mourning the fall of their homes, their cultures, friends, family, lovers who all died. give me characters who tell their humans friends all about the sports they used to play, the movies or plays they used to attend, the boring homework they got assigned by their teacher or the bakery just down the street from their houses.

give me a cybertron that's bustling with life and culture. give a cybertron that feels alive

#transformers #icy writes #long post #worldbuilding thoughts #i'm very tired of seeing the same old war story play out #i want to know what cybertron was like before the war #it pains the historian/writer in my soul that things like this will likely never get expanded upon

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oldguardleatherdog · 9 months

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let me start by saying, I'm okay to agree to disagree on this, and I respect you greatly as my queer elder. I hesitate to even send this because I don't think this cause is worth dogpiling (and not even the fun way) on anyone against and , like , I will continue to follow and admire you as a mutual who has been through a lot of the hell that I'm going through right now and got to a place I want to someday be. (for context, I am currently housing & food insecure and am trying to live in a queer-accepting city)

Posting will never be praxis, you are my brother in arms no matter what you call trump or cops or whatever. There are some fat liberation blogs that take issue with calling cops "pigs" for a lot of the reasons I bristle at calling Trump a fatass, and like, if someone is actively fighting cops who can and will actively hurt me and my found family, I don't care what names they shout while doing it. So I see where you are coming from and I'm glad you fight for me. I fight for us too, in what little ways I can while I keep me and my found family afloat. I do better work in the community just by existing around people as a living breathing transgender than I could do in a million posts on this website.

I do think that this is a valuable conversation to have, though, even though you are completely right that this is a trivial thing and not at all the bigger, more real issue at hand. I think it's still important, on online platforms such as this, to talk about how we refer to the other people on this planet.

Think about why you didn't call Trump a "retard". You certainly could have, it doesn't *not* apply to some of his behavior. I know people of our generations once used that word a lot, and we don't anymore. Why and when did we change that? I honestly don't remember. For me, my aunt was medically classified as "retarded" and she was the best person I'd ever met, so I decided that word shouldn't mean bad things. The first time I ever hit someone was over them using that word in a derogative way. it wasn't about "mental illness positivity" it was about humanizing the people that word has been used against - people who have been stigmatized and oppressed with that word.

Right now, hopefully, the same thing is happening to the word "obese". Fat people are less likely to be hired, granted loans or secure housing. they can be kicked out of airplanes and fired from their jobs because of their body size. There have been laws proposed to take fat children away from their parents and "treatments" proposed to wire children's jaws shut and starve them to make them thinner. They are often medically mistreated and misdiagnosed. I once went to a doctor with an ear infection and instead of antibiotics, he prescribed me *bariatric surgery.* I have been refused transgender top-surgery because of my BMI, which keeps me at a passively higher risk for self-injury and worse.

I do not care about body positivity. Honestly, between being fat, trans, and poor, I'm at a point where I've given up on ever feeling good about my body again. All I care about is getting jobs and meds and keeping a roof over my family's head and food on our table. Normalizing the idea that fat is a bad thing that anyone can change continues that stigma. When you use Fat as an insult, you are saying fat=bad. Fat is a neutral thing that some bodies can be, like short or tall or lean. The revolution needs to be intersectional, and body size is another axis of oppression that needs to be acknowledged, just like sexuality, gender, race, class, disability, etc.

If you've gotten this far, thank you for hearing me out. I'm sorry that others are just performatively parroting the same things over and over. Civility is bullshit, and if you still want to use body shaming as one of the ways you fight against bigotry, it doesn't really matter to me. Just as long as you acknowledge anti-fat bias as part of that bigotry too.

Thank you for writing and sharing your life experiences with me, and for your solidarity as well. You're striving to make your way as part of a despised minority in a world that's turned unspeakably harsh toward you in an aggressively mean way seemingly overnight, and I admire you for the life you have lived, for your courage and perseverance during this difficult time where resources are scant and your housing and food security is uncertain at best.

(FWIW, after I was bombed out of my Lower Manhattan home on September 11th, my income went from six figures down to nothing overnight, and I was homeless and destitute for years. Twenty years ago, I was where you are now, and I can tell you that what you're enduring today will not last forever, that there is light and hope and blessing in your future, that you're not as alone as you might think, that you must never give up.)

What more can I do to make the point that "fat" has nothing to do with this? As I've said, I grew up obese, and it wasn't until I enlisted in the Army at age 17 that I was able to free myself from my violent and abusive family and unlock the potential of the body that had been hidden under layers of fat and shame all my life. I know that my path is not for everybody, that many others are not so fortunate, and I ceased long ago to think that fat equals bad or lack of character or any other pejorative attitude that society has attached to it for generations. I hope I've made that clear and that you take my word as truth.

I am not saying "let's fat-shame Donald Trump to make him feel bad." I am saying that I'm deeply troubled by the LGBTQ+ community prioritizing hurt feelings over the very real damage that's being done to us right now all over the country by Trump, his minions, his proxies, and his cult of bloodthirsty followers and worshippers. Trump's accomplices in Congress and state legislatures and Moms For Liberty are taking over school boards all over the country, banning books and emptying library shelves and harassing teachers and librarians to the point where they're being run out of town, where the State of Missouri has defunded its entire public library system rather than follow a court order to restore books banned just for featuring LGBTQ+ characters.

DeSantis and Abbott have put in place policies that are unspeakably brutal, that are forcing trans people in Florida to slowly and brutally revert to their pre-transition state, that have given health care providers in Florida the right to deny treatment to you and me and all LGBTQ+ people because we are gay, lesbian, non-binary, trans... but God forbid we should call Trump mean names!

We've seen what happens when we buy into the "when they go low, we go high" fantasy pipe dream. This is not the way the world works, it has never been, and we need to put this loser idea in the trash bin where it belongs once and for all.

We're being attacked and harmed in unspeakable ways that are happening now. This is not theoretical or hypothetical. It's happening to us, to those we love, this minute and every minute of every day. And worse is in the pipeline - they're writing laws that will place us under virtual house arrest, that will regulate where we're allowed to go in our own cities and towns, when we're allowed to be seen in public, when and where we can shop, how we're allowed to dress, even what we're allowed to say and SING, for Christ's sake!

And I'm supposed to be concerned about some minuscule hypothetical percentage of my own people being OFFENDED because I'm somehow being insensitive and violating some trivial picayune social justice warrior philosophy, because there's a possibility of some fragile flower taking it personally, and that I should shut my mouth and let the MAGA nutjobs run roughshod over us? Oh, come let Daddy kiss it! while our brothers and sisters are suffering in real time. Sickening.

Anyone who has a problem with my stance doesn't have to follow me or emulate my proven effective tactics as an activist with 37 years of successfully defending our rights under my belt if they're so dainty and delicate and easily bruised. Everyone else that sees this for the strawman bullshit it is, get ready to hit the streets with bullhorns and whistles once again. We've got work to do.

Your arguments are strong and well-reasoned, and I accept and acknowledge everything you're saying. We can disagree on this, certainly, and still work together to turn back the progress that the MAGAs are making, restore our rights, and protect ourselves and each other. But that will require the snowflake contingent among us to get their collective head out of their collective ass, stop whining, and get with the damn program. Calling me names and telling me I'm being a bad gay activist is a waste of time and energy that should be spent fighting the fascists and the haters who are out to kill us.

And to you, my friend and fellow traveler with a radiantly beautiful soul and spirit, I urge you to hang in there, to keep the faith, to keep caring about life, to work with me to secure our own future and the future of our kind. I send to you my very best wishes, energy, and prayers that you will find your way to a place of health, security, stability, and love for yourself and for this precious community to whom we've both dedicated our lives, who mean the world to us.

Yours In Service, Animal J. Smith

#what more can i do to protect you all #to get you to realize the mortal danger we're in #to put the suffering of our own people ahead of our feelings #to join me in this fight that's eminently winnable #to get you off your butts and your high horses and get to work #to do something - anything - to help save us and save yourself from what they're planning to do to us and are already doing #to think of anyone but yourself for a damn change #to show me and the world your incredible courage in the face of evil #to restore our rights and roll back this tide of hatred and death that's about to overpower us #to make sure that my life's work these past four decades has not been wasted #to let me at long last step back from the front lines and cherish my time left on earth at 61 with AIDS and love my family #to be the dog and the man they need and deserve and long for #to lay down my sword and shield at last #please please please do this for me - it would be your greatest gift #for god's sake wake up #queer activism #queer is not a slur #it's a fucking battle cry #god i am so scared for us all #information gladly given

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 4 months

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Hi, you need to tell me if I am petty, but I am really angry about what happened this weekend.

Tw abuse and maybe ableism

I have cptsd from my parents abuse, mainly my moms, but we still have contact and she doesn't know about my diagnosis and would never accept it. I was only able to go to therapy after I moved out, and she was very angry at first but kinda became ok with it. In her mind it is "my child is somehow damaged from birth, there has absolutely nothing gone wrong in her childhood. " I see no use in telling her the truth, she wouldn't believe me anyways. But because of my illness, I never started working after college. My mom always said, "Try this, try that," but now she has accepted that I can't work at the moment.

I have a great therapist, and my long-term goals are to get healthy enough for a fairly "normal" life, including work. I mean, it is common cptsd and not some mysterious illness that can't be treated.

I visited my mom this weekend and she told me about a friends child who's my age, who quit her new job (she never stayed anywhere long) because she just doesn't have the spoons for working full time. She also has mental issues but very different ones than mine (I don't have the full picture and it isn't really any of my business) And she and her mom are now trying to get her registered as disabled, so that she would get financial benefits from the state. And my mom suggested I should do this too, since "You will be never able to work". And in my mind I got really angry. I am only mentally ill for so long because A she abused me and B she forbid me to see a therapist earlier. Maybe I could have a normal life, if I started therapy in my teenage years. While there are pros and cons to being registered as disabled in my country, I know a few people who are, I am afraid it would take away my credibility. And as someone abused who tried to tell adults over and over as a child and has never been believed "because you are a mentally ill child" my credibility is very important to me. I am very shocked about my moms 180, from "just lazy" to "should be registered as disabled", and angry that she made up a story in her head, why I am ill, that has nothing to do with her. And now, around 6 weeks after she accepted that I am ill, decided for me that I will be disabled for the rest of my life? I think that is mainly it. She doesn't know much about me (because I always had to lie) and not much about my daily life, since I moved out, but she decided that she knows best. Just like in my childhood, when everyone knew better than I, what's the best for me.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through. It's frustrating that your mom seems to avoid accountability for how she is responsible for your current state, so please know that your feelings about this are completely valid.

Whether or not you register as disabled should be up to you at the end of the day. There are pros and cons to both choosing for or against it. The stigma is a genuine concern, and although obviously being disabled or mentally ill doesn't inherently impact your credibility, it doesn't change how you may be perceived differently.

Trauma is lifelong, and depending on how much it impacts you it could render you disabled for the rest of your life, but it's not impossible to heal from your experiences and reach a place where you may not feel the need to consider yourself disabled. It's mainly up to what you feel your needs are.

It sounds like this interaction with her has brought up previous instances where you relied on, maybe not so much external validation, but being made to rely on others to decide what's best for you, when in reality you know yourself best. If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist could help you process your experiences, your relationship with your mom, as well as help you explore the possibility of identifying as disabled if that interests you. If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw ableism #tw abuse #tw child abuse #tw emotional abuse

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bibookmerm · 10 months

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getting my shit together

Ok, first of all: there are several skills I lack that it is becoming apparent I need to learn/improve.

One is driving. My wife and I are looking to get our first car. She needs it for work. She drives. Our roommate drives. But I dont. And I was just talking to my friend about how we can never get our friends together bc most of us dont drive/dont have cars. We need more gays that can drive, so I have to step up, lol.

Two. I need to feel confident hand sewing. It's not that I "cant". I know how to thread a needle and do a backstitch, running stitch, whip stitch. But I am very slow bc I havent had much practice, so it annoys me, so I avoid it. I have a dozen little fixes I could do and I should do those. People who sew regularly can do these things in like 10 seconds. I wanna be them.

Three. I need to learn to swallow pills BEFORE my top surgery in March so I dont have to be like "do u have liquid painkiller 🥺" because what if they're like "no". And also, needing an alternative is pricey. (this is something where I believe my disability comes in. Coordinating my muscles in new ways OR more quickly than usual is difficult for me. Like of course I swallow food every day, but normally I take my time chewing first, so to place something in my mouth and quickly swallow it feels daunting. That's the best way I can explain it. Just feels like a different ball game lol. My pcp gave me a trick to try, so I will try it.)

The other thing is, I am at a level of stress I personally find untenable. I am not wading through any major personal tragedy at this moment, so honestly I feel kinda like. Damn. Why is ~everything so hard~? Am I being dramatic? What happens when shit truly hits the fan if I am already unstable now? Well, I clearly need to put some measures in place now so I can tread water.

Such as:

Establishing a baseline level of cleanliness/clutter for the apartment. Aim for everything to be above that baseline most of the time, but understand sometimes it will sink to that level when something else must be prioritized above household chores for a minute. In its current state, I'm embarrassed to invite anyone over here. I want the baseline to be just, what I could deal with someone seeing. If I don't feel comfy having someone sit at my kitchen table or couch for an afternoon, it's too messy. I need to specifically write down the "acceptable level", get it up to that, and keep it there/above. This could also be a conversation with my wife and roommate to be clear on what everyone defines as acceptable and all work to keep it at whoever's ideal is highest.

Buying some wardrobe staples. My clothes not fitting is uncomfortable. I expect to gain more weight as I stay on T, sooo I should get some stuff that's a little loose now?

I've noticed I need more gender validation. I get misgendered constantly, working two public facing jobs, and I've started thinking some self depreciating thoughts. Maybe I need to work harder to counter these things within myself and not seek it from others, but yeah, this is one reason I need therapy. I had such a positive self image like a year ago and I'm losing it :/

Challenge my social anxiety. Another thing it's a good idea to have a therapist's guidance in. I feel so overwhelmed that I forget quality time with friends helps me recharge! I need to balance draining peopleing with healthy peopleing.

There's more, but if I can do this much, the stressors I cannot change should be easier to bear. Now to actually go set all the things in motion.

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helly-watermelonsmellinfellon · 1 year

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"Hi Watermelonsmellinfellon!

I know what it's like to be homeless, especially with this inflation BS. The gist of what I shared was about gig work, specifically UberEats, DoorDash, Grubhub, etc. While the latter two take a while to be approved, UberEats is pretty quick, you just provide a picture of your drivers license and vehicle registration/insurance. I got approved in about 5 days, but some people get approved even sooner. Most of the time you pull up to a fast food/normal restaurant and pick up food that is already bagged up and ready to be delivered. The main thing is getting a insulated bag to hold the food in. Then you drive to the customers address and drop it off. Doing those dropoffs should help you all get money for gas quicker. You can link your debt/bank account for payouts. If you do instant payout it will take $0.85, otherwise there is no charge for automatic payments on Monday's. I definitely recommend looking at YouTube videos under 'gig work', 'First day with UberEats', etc.

Also, another thing that could help you and your family is looking at the Facebook and Craigslist marketplace listings for houses/trailers. I have seen plenty of trailers or rooms for rent for under $1,400. Sometimes even if you qualify for it, the state run programs just can't help, you have to find a place for you, and your family. I also wanted to mention Amazon has a section for submitting your own fanfiction/stories under there Kindle Direct Program (KDP). Pretty much everything is free to use it, you only get charged a fee for selling a story or book. Also, the reviews for books can be kind of brutal.:/

Finally, have you considered using Airbnb? There are many options depending on how long you would like to stay while waiting for a spot to open. I lived for half a year with my mom at a condo by the beach with 3 beds, free wifi, and washer/dryer for about $4-5,000 all together. I don't know where you are in that state, but from doing a quick check I came across an affordable condo in Maryland, Ocean City for $1,427 based on if you checked in tomorrow until 3/18 next year. The guy who is listing it is called Nicholas. I don't personally know him, but on the listing it does say long stays are allowed, free washer in dryer in unit, and 3 bedrooms with four baths. There are plenty of other listings like that as well, I don't mind trying to help you through online searching to find a place you guys could stay. Getting a place this time of year tends to be cheaper as well in the more seaside areas as it's off the 'peak' seasons.

I don't know how to use Tumblr, but I think there's a way to add each other and talk through it? We can keep talking through here if you want. Hope you had a good Thanksgiving!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.O.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was left as a comment on my new fic where I did not even mention that I'm homeless because it's a new fic in a ship that my readers don't care about so it'll probably only be seen by new people who won't give a damn about my personal problems.

I deleted the comment but saved the contents because the intentions were good even if the execution was terrible. And it's also incredibly difficult to maintain composure and a pleasant attitude when you become irrationally pissed off all of a sudden.

One thing that needs to be made clearer. I can't get a job. Why? Mom is too disabled to be by herself for any period of time. And when even Dave cannot get a job because even the businesses around who will look past his knee brace won't accept a P.O. Box and want you to be living in a house with an address, I know I have no chance in hell cuz I'm in the same boat. That's why I started Ko-Fi.

Mom is disabled. She gets benefits from that. With Dave jobless because of his knee, we've been knocked down from a $18K yearly family, to an $8K yearly family. To put it into perspective, to qualify for housing in half of Delaware, their idea of the poverty level is a family of 4(1 child, 3 adults) making a minimum of $25K yearly. We are nowhere near that and because of that, we don't qualify for low income housing.

As for Craigslist and FB, they simply cannot be trusted. We've already done the promised 'meet-ups' and searching through both sites and it's all scams. And Dave falls for every single one and give's mom's phone number to every damn person he talks to and she's gets nothing but scam calls all day long(we know they're scams cuz when she calls back suddenly the number is no longer in service or doesn't exist anymore).

Airbnb is for people who make at least five figures a year. Mom did look into it under Bethy's pleading and for the size of our family and the specifics as well, everything was over $2K a month. Even when she lessened up on specifics, they either stayed that price or listings stopped appearing. We also can't leave Delaware because while Bethy's case worker is no longer hounding us, the case isn't closed yet. Something Dave cannot seem to grasp. We can't leave or mom and Dave will get in trouble.

The Amazon thing seems worth a try but honestly Patreon seems like it'd be easier.

I've already explained the van's condition and so that's out as an option too.

#stuff #poverty #homelessness

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spacecadetspe · 1 month

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Apr. 16, 2024

Last week was hard. I had W for most of the week, and normally that's not too much of an issue. I'm an adult, and most of the time can handle whatever is thrown at me. But this past week, it all broke down.

I have an acolyte in Ohio who is either willfully obtuse or learning disabled, and he is perpetually in his own pity party. That means he doesn't hear my wisdom, glosses over any replies, and then makes himself out to be the victim of his own circumstances. So I got frustrated at him and was leaving him on read for most of the week. He said that was being "discourteous" and "childish," both of which made me mad because that's such a manipulative thing to do. I don't owe courtesy to someone who disrespects me, and there's nothing childish about protecting my peace.

Then there's my apprentice, who for all my training still is resisting leaving her abusive situation. She can't find her social security card or her drivers license. She won't go to the bank to get a new account. And without those things, there's no starting over for her.

Then on Wednesday evening, Fortitude took a potent THC gummy and became violently ill for most of the following day. Which meant, as a partner, he was pretty much useless for 24 hours. And my mom was out of town for the week, which meant I had no other options when it came to taking care of my son.

So even though I got to work at 7, I had to leave to get W to school (late, because Fortitude was out of commission), then again for early pickup at 1. Which means I got stuck in traffic four times before my day was over.

Not only that, but I have a new boss who doesn't seem to have a clue how our job operates. And as I am somehow the second most senior member of the team, much of that weight fell to me, in spite of not knowing how to do his job for him. Not only that, but several of my coworkers decided to drop in on me, either for expertise, to have corrections made to their labor, or to input new work orders. So the stressors kept piling up. And why couldn't I "take a proverbial chill pill" like Fortitude and rest? Because someone has to do the work. Someone has to be there. And I don't want to be like him, deferring my pain instead of trying to find a solution.

So I had a breakdown on the way back from dropping my son off. I didn't know who to call, or who to trust, so I just screamed at my steering wheel and hoped someone, anyone, was listening. Maybe Mother. Maybe an astral guide somewhere. I can't do this by myself! I don't want to do this by myself! I can't be the only one who cares about the work that has to be done! I can't function like this! And when I was finished and had spent all my tears, I let myself be numb and sit in the quiet of the car for awhile.

And there in the silence, I realized two important things; one, that another aspect had separated from me, and two, that what I was so upset about wasn't actually the other people in my life; it was that I couldn't control what was going on around me.

I wasn't upset that my acolyte had disrespected me (though it would be valid to assume so); I was upset at myself for allowing him the notion that that behavior was acceptable. I wasn't upset that my apprentice couldn't find her documents or keep them on her person; I was upset because she wasn't operating on my timeline, and wasn't as pressed about things I thought were important. I wasn't upset that Fortitude had taken a gummy and been incapacitated for an entire day; I was upset because I felt alone and unsupported and overworked. I had told these people over and over what was important to me, and none of them seemed to value that input.

In short, I was worried about half a dozen people who realistically weren't my problem to worry about. If they're not going to value what's important to me, then why am I working so hard for their benefit?

And after that, I calmed down quite a lot.

My acolyte will learn, or he won't have access to me. My apprentice isn't on my timeline, and her welfare is not my responsibility. And Fortitude... we had a nice long chat after that.

He readily apologized for what happened, how he was unable to even function, let alone care for my son. He's aware that the problem lies not with the THC use, but with the job that is slowly hammering him into the ground. It's so grueling that he's having trouble walking without daily doses of anti-inflammatories. And it's finally hit him that he's ready to quit.

"Am I a bad person for not wanting to give that place another chance?" he asked me.

I replied with a question; "Was I a bad person for wanting to leave a marriage that had lasted ten years?"

He seemed taken aback by the thought. "Babe, you're in a much better place now..." And then it hit him what I was asking. "You gave him plenty of chances, worked yourself to burnout, and got to the point where the relationship was doing damage to your mental health. Your only feasible option was to leave."

I nodded. "Exactly." This is what it means to have followers; none of it is about worship or accolades or power. It's about a group of people who are capable of learning from your experiences and growing until they are fledged enough to break out on their own.

With any luck, Fortitude will soon have a different job. And things will settle down once again.

#spicy psychology #shadow work

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rasywmtra · 5 months

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*cw for a sort of rant under the cut, I mean no offence to anyone by writing it but I just had to let it out and swearing*

(This is just a rant for myself, not on my main blog for obvious reasons)

white boy neurodivergent privilege. It exists and it pisses me tf off.

Because when they have a melt down, it's ok, they're just being boys and they don't know what they're doing and you have to understand that they have issues so they can do no wrong because their disorder made them do it. When they (due to being enabled their whole lives) throw a violent tantrum, it's not their fault. It's never their fault, they're just confused and they can't have possibly stoped it or anything, they're perfect little angels. When they need accommodations, it's provided. They're so cute with their silly stims and cute little entitlement and how they always get away with it because look at them they're a little blond boy who can do no wrong.

This isn't to say that all white boy neurodivergents have perfect lives, or that any of them do, but I think we can all see they are by far the most accepted packaging for spicy brains.

Now when anyone else has a meltdown? OH NO FUCK THE CRAZY PERSON NEEDS TO BE LOCKED UP! "stop being dramatic" "Stop crying, you have no right" "Don't you dare make another sound" "you're making a scene" "You ruin everything with your crazy mood swings" "Stop faking it" "You're making me look bad" "Why can't you just be normal?"

Stimming? "Go sit in the corner and think about what you did" "You're disrupting the class" "Stop, it annoys me" "Why are you so weird" "Hands at your sides, this is important" "Why are you fidgeting? are you hiding something?" "I'm going to take it away from you until you can hold it normally"

Sensory issues? "It's not that bad" "wow so convenient that you can't come help us because of this, suck it up" "No one else has an issue with it" "The flickering isn't even noticeable" "What do you mean you can't hold it? Why is it so hard to do one thing for me?" "It's not like you can even hear it"

nonverbal? "Use your words" "Stop ignoring me you brat" "Speak to me! I didn't do anything wrong!" "Answer me right now or else" "did you lose your voice or something? It was working fine when you were yelling at me for [insert triggering thing they did]"

Need accommodations? too bad! You're gonna need about five billlion notes including one from your dead relative, figure it out!

"You're not disabled enough for this" "Well you aren't like really neurodivergent- you function properly" "My cousin is autistic and you're not like him at all! So clearly you're faking it!" "You can talk though" "Oh... that's not normal, my brother is hyperfixated on trucks and you aren't, so clearly you don't really have adhd" "You don't LOOK neurodivergent" "You're not exactly like [insert white boy name] and he's [insert disorder] so you have it easy!"

It happens time and time again!

I was shunned and called names and just fucking hated for just being myself and my brothers were put on a gold stage for using their neurodivergence as an excuse to be brats.

Me? banned from the office unless i was fucking dying

My brothers? "Oh come in dear, have a key to the back door so you can come in if you ever need anything!" "You don't like class? just stay here!" "You beat up a kid? I'll call them in to apologize to you"

And clearly this isn't the instance for every person but I have seen it far too often, not just with me but with literally every single time I come across neurodivergent people. There is a diferent between how we're treated and it sucks ass!

Anyway sorry if I offended anyone, but yeah, if I help even one person not feel like a bitch for agreeing with me i've done my job

#rasywmtra #rants #vent #tw swearing

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angelsnake99 · 9 months

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TW: Disability, pain, anxiety, depression, judgement, trauma, self harm, prescription medications

Dude, it takes so much for me just to get to normal. Like, baseline. Where everyone else naturally wakes up at. Between the rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia pains combined, on flare up days (caused by stress, over exertion, extreme heat or cold), the pain is like torture. Every joint in my body, every finger and toe, between every vertebrae; my fucking FACE; skull joints like jaw and base of skull/neck...it feels like they are filled with glass and poisonous thorns, and someone has a vice gripped around each one, slowly tightening and loosing it at completely irregular and unpredictable intervals. Then the fibro...every nerve. In patches surrounding the sore joints that are sometimes so large that they cover my entire body. Tender pain, like I'm covered in bruises. Like I was beaten. Sometimes, the weight of my clothing on my SKIN is too much to bear. The RA fatigue and fibro fog make it so hard to do anything. But you know what's worse than all that? What it does to me psychologically, and how it impacts those around me. The anxiety and depression, the shame and guilt and embarrassment when I don't live up to normal people's expectations, because you can't always see my pain with your eyes, and I'm very good at hiding it by now. When I can't cook dinner for my husband because I can't lift the bowl. When I have to ask a stranger to help me do my job at work because I can't lift the equipment and I'm out in the field working alone so I can't ask for a coworkers support. When my husband's family doesn't understand so they think we're just lazy. When my son wants me to play with him or pick him up and he doesn't understand why I can't. When I want to see a friend but I have to cancel because I can't lift my arms to drive. And the constant effort I have to expend to function, to just go to work and do basic things like laundry, dishes, showers, driving, sleeping...eating. I cant eat sometimes because of the pain. But when I express it, everyone around me is miserable too. So I hide the pain. Because the truth is, I am legally disabled, but I'm too young to accept it so I refused disability from the state. So I did this to myself and it's all my fault. Because I couldn't be honest with myself and my loved ones about how bad it really is. I've wanted to cut recently but I already hurt so much and I've stopped doing it for so long I can't go back. But I am overwhelmed. My add is out of control lately too because of it. I can't take medications for pain and ADHD at the same time. Too much. Plus I already think people don't understand how severe the pain is anyway and how badly I need my meds. I'll be annoying and spacy and unfocused and unmotivated over more pain. #rheumatoidarthritis #fibromyalgia #anxiety #depression #adhd #selfharmrecovery #younganddisabled #ptsd #trauma #venting #disabledbutable

#rheumatoid arthritis #fibromyalgia #young and disabled #disabled but able #tw depressing thoughts #tw self harm recovery #awareness

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mangodestroyer · 1 year

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Anyone have tips on dealing with nosy co-workers? Maybe I've already messed up with my current job and volunteered too much information about myself. Ofc, I kept many things private about myself. I just didn't think some of the things I said would be a big deal?

In the past, they have constantly asked me questions about what I'm doing in life, my living situation, and my relationship (which I am no longer in). At the time, ig I didn't see the issue with saying I still live with my parents? I know a lot of people my age who do (in this economy, it makes sense).

But they keep fixating on the fact that I still don't drive (it's impossible for me to hide that from them with the way things work here), if I pay rent (I said that I do because I do), if I pay for my own clothes and food (again, that's a yes), how my relationship is going, etc. And then I feel like they're trying to bait me by revealing personal information about themselves (one of my co-workers literally went on about how much they enjoy weed, even saying that it improved their s*x life, and like yeah, I agree but also, I'm not going to talk about weed improving that aspect for me at fucking work).

Why can't they just talk about hobbies or something? I mean, they'll talk about their own hobbies, but any time I think I'm admitting to liking something that's socially acceptable, they couldn't care less about the topic.

Also, one of my supervisors just seems very disgusted with my lifestyle. Like, very openly judgmental of the fact that it's taking me longer to get the adult thing down and have support (I'm neurodivergent and my parents know that and they think I'm doing fine). They act like I should have just moved out the moment I was 18 and had it all figured out. I'll admit, their life does seem very stressful so there might be some jealousy here. However, I don't see why there needs to be this superiority thing and open disgust. This attitude of, "If I'm suffering, so should everyone else!" is why we elected people who put us in this intense economic situation with almost non-existent social programs to support us. And I could write books over my frustration with how people seem to resent the mentally disabled/mentally ill and assume that anyone who can't work 60+ hours and raise a family is a failure who doesn't deserve to exist.

Maybe it's just a few toxic individuals. Most of my co-workers aren't like this. My last workplace was toxic in a different way (although I'll admit, I wasn't very mature at the time nor did I have my mental health issues under control, so I was very standoffish). At the last place, people just didn't communicate with each other very well, the manager was incompetent, and there was scapegoating. Actually, it was worse at the last place.

Is this just normal at every workplace? It seems kind of catty and any time I see it happen, it gives me a gut feeling.

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marcholasmoth · 1 year

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OSRR: 3093

it's nice to not have to avoid my own dashboard.

i spent the day with my sister. she works a lot, and it's a rare day when i can see her and spend time with her, so i took the opportunity to do so today. it was nice. she showed me taskmaster, which is a british tv show where a group of comedians are given very specific and hilarious tasks to complete and whoever does it the best gets the points, and whoever has the most points at the end of an episode wins the things that were brought in for the first task, and whoever has the most points at the end of the season wins. not sure what, but they win.

my friend at work has been trying to get me to watch it so i'm glad my sister made me watch it too.

joel texted me a little bit today, but he's mostly been bored because of the weather. it's kind of throwing a wrench in his plans.

other than that, my day has blessedly been quiet. i didn't have the energy to write, but tomorrow is a snow day, so i'm happy to take tomorrow to finish more things before i'm incapable of doing them. i have to finish my résumé, which is kind of the highest priority thing i have to write, and i'm not getting any help with it, so i determined i'll email my professors about it and see if they can help me with it. it's my most stressful thing and my highest priority, so mostly everything else waits until that's done. and then my next stressor is cover letters, because i have shit to do and a now job to get. i'm a grown-ass adult and i have things to do, but when my brain decides to not cooperate, it shuts me down entirely. which fucking sucks. thanks adhd and autism. >:[

anyway, tomorrow is a snow day. got an email saying the college is closed tomorrow, so i don't work then. maybe i can get some of that writing done. my professors will likely take a hot minute to reply, though, but i can hope, yknow?

and speaking of hoping and jobs and the adhd and autism, it's been a long and difficult process being able to come to terms with the fact that i am, really, disabled. it doesn't really feel like it, and the impostor syndrome is real here, but it's true. it's been true for a long time. i've just been forcing myself to be a certain way to make it seem like i'm normal, that if i pretend i'm normal for long enough i'll actually be normal. that's not the case, so i've learned.

i'm still working on accepting it. it's a label i've been defensive of, i guess, because of the crippling amount of internalized ableism i've been conditioned to have, but it's been so long since i last felt okay that even unmasking in public doesn't give me the relief i need.

it's exhausting. i hurt. im tired. and it occasionally occurs to me that this doesn't happen to "normal people" like this. neurotypicals don't fight every second to appear as they're expected. they just are that way. why am i so tired? why do i always hurt everywhere? why do i constantly feel the need to knock my skull into the nearest vertical surface??? this is not a daily occurrence for neurotypicals.

im learning to accept it for myself. this world is not built for me. it's not built for people like me. i have things i can do and things im good at, yes. i also have things that are out of my control which hang over my head like the sword of damocles. so i need to get a grasp of the things i really can control and find out from others like me what resources there are so i can help myself manage both my expectations and my responses.

fuck. being an adult is hard.

#molly rambles #operation srr #osrr #3000s #3090s #sunshine boy #actually autistic #actually adhd #this shit is fucking hard

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loki-darkprince-odinson · 3 years

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King Loki, I apologize for the rant but I would like some advice.

My father always makes me feel like complete garbage. He is always putting me down, never appreciates me, and makes my depression so much worse. I'm fixing up a house to move in with my friends but I'm still stuck at the house since my parents won't help me get my license or a car, much less a job. I cook, do dishes, take care of the pets, take out the trash, get the mail, do my laundry, wash towels, and help with their laundry. I also take care of my sick mother and while I'm currently on summer break, I'm going to college to become a clinical psychologist. Even then, my father will point out other things that I don't do, and expects me to clean the entire house every day. He always talks about how he needs to do everything around the house yet all he does is sleep, play video games, and watch television. He also says he works hard yet on many occasions he says he sits on his ass all day on his tablet. He also yells so much. I get scared every day when he starts yelling because I worry he may leave us, which he has threatened before, or he may actually hit us. He never has hit either my mother or I yet, and says he never would but he slams and throws things when angry at us so it's his way of showing us how much he wants to hit us, even if he doesn't realize it. However, not only do I have many responsibilities, My depression makes it difficult for me to do much, and he makes it worse. Even when I do try to clean the house he always makes comments such as: "About time." or "How long until it gets cleaned next time?" or "This was half assed, you didn't do it right." I have tried so hard to have a connection with him but I'm so tired of fighting for a relationship that he doesn't care about. I can't address my concerns with him because he will threaten to not take me to college and pay the bills. Do you have any advice to help me deal with my father until I can escape?

Best regards, Catrina.

“Catrina,” Loki drawls, in his smooth resonate voice. “I firstly must commend your good work. For caring for your ill mother, minding the household needs, and that you get up in the morning even if your soul is weary and your bones ache for a rest; that you keep on living even if you do not know how to anymore. Secondly, you have my deepest sympathies for your grievances. I am all too familiar with what it is like to seek the approval of a parent; only for there to be none in return.” His eyes were completely unfocused, yet his pallid features bore the most intense concentration as memories flowed unbidden.

He says nothing for a moment. Then, something in the edge of his mouth—and the corner of his eyes—resembled the ghost of a sad smile.

“Those whom I knew and called my mother and father are dead. That much is beyond dispute. They were not my real parents, but they raised me as their own. I daresay they loved me. That had been in dispute, at least in my own mind for awhile. I found out very late that my identity was a lie. Not Asgardian, not a son of Odin, I was completely unmade. That was how I felt when I learned of my true parentage. I was a fraud, a monster; it explained so much. It explained why I never felt like I fit in, why I would never be my brother's equal, why I would never get what I'd been promised my whole life.” His voice was soft, hoarse. Intent.

Loki raises his left hand and rests his forefinger against his lips as a line forms between his own eyebrows in thought.

“I have lingered around Midgard long enough to come to an understanding of how your minds tick. I shall do my best to give advice where I can.

Try, if you will, to put things into perspective. The most loving parents commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force one to destroy the person they really are: a subtle kind of murder. Even the most loving parents damage their children with the best intentions—to protect them, to guide them, to better them. In most cases, it would appear they do it by imprinting their own fears and prejudices on them.

The point is, parents are mere, imperfect people.

They have flaws, struggles and impaired judgement. They have both emotional and intellectual handicaps. Regardless of their parental role, they are afflicted by personal blockages and limitations.

But most of all, they are people who make mistakes, and who are terrified of being judged by their children.

Learn to see your difficult parent as just that; human. Learn to see their emotional immaturity as a type of disability.

With that in mind, you would do well to keep your expectations of them low.

In many ways the effect a difficult parent has on ones self is fueled by their feelings of injustice and the belief that things could be different, or ought to be different.

In other words, your expectations dictate how you feel.

You need to let go of your expectations and accept your parent for who they are.

You cannot expect someone with, say, a narcissistic personality, to act with empathy and kindness. No more than you can expect a scorpion not to sting.

Difficult parents are much easier to deal with when you accept that they will not change. So do not expect of them more than they are capable of, and you will not be disappointed or hurt.

Do not fall into the illusion of guilt, Catrina.” He warns. “A difficult parent loves nothing more than to make you feel like you’ve hurt them. Or, in a different scenario, like you’re a bad person if you do not do something they ask.

Do not fall for it. If they’re setting a guilt trap, calmly tell them that you do not appreciate being emotionally manipulated, and you will not tolerate it anymore.

Manipulators, and I should know, detest being called out on their dirty tricks.

If they continue to harass you, reiterate that you cannot do what they’re asking you to do this time, and you need them to respect that.

The trick is agreeing with everything they’re saying (how can they argue when you agree with them?) and re-stating your decision over and over again.

Now this part I find to be… far more easier said than done. You must let go of the need for your father's approval, Catrina. It goes without saying that every child needs and wants their parents’ approval. It is normal to want it, and it is normal to receive it.

Yet so many have to accept the fact that this is not going to happen. For whatever reason, their parent has chosen to withhold their approval. Some difficult parents do it as a form of punishment. While others hope to influence their child in the “right” direction.

Most likely, your father loves you, but they have a very warped idea of what parental love is.

In their misguided quest to make you into a version of themselves, they missed the chance to get to know you. And so they cannot appreciate you for the wonderful being that you are.”

He shrugs elegantly. “It is their loss. When you realize this and let go of the need for their approval, you will be able to start living your life in a whole new way.

When confronting your father, be direct and calm without expecting a specific response. That is the part you cannot control. The part that is within your control is letting your thoughts and feelings known, which is empowering.

Stick to the facts and use “I” statements such as, “I feel like my words do not matter to you when you constantly interrupt me” or “I feel scared and misunderstood when you yell at me”

Remember that manipulative parents are not known for their empathy. They will try to confuse you, go on the offensive, or assume the role of a victim.

Do not allow them to bully you into submission by invoking guilt or pity. State your case in a calm and polite manner, and stay cool regardless of their response.

Your goal is to be honest about your feelings, and to make it clear that you will not tolerate certain behaviors.” He softly clears his throat.

“Last but not least, an unhappy alternative is forgoing the relationship that is too harmful. I know, a parent is not someone you can so easily cut out of your life. But if all else fails and your father continues to cause you psychological harm, then this may very well need to be taken into considerable consideration; at least for the foreseeable future. Sometimes it is the only logical recourse.

A parent that is fundamentally incapable of showing love and support, unable to see the error of their ways after numerous attempts to communicate how their behavior or words affect you, consistently dismissive, demeaning or critical, manipulative in a habitual manner, punishing and cruel whenever you disobey, are disrespectful of your boundaries and using threats and intimidation to get what they want is a destructive force that will continue to tear you down until you put a stop to it.

It is not an easy feat, my dear. The parent-child bond is hardwired into the brain, which means children get attached to even the most awful of parents.

But consider the cost of having that toxic relationship in your life—stress breeds anxiety, depression, internalized feelings of inadequacy, and failed personal relationships.

I wish you all the best, Catrina. I truly do.”

#loki #loki rp #loki odinson #ask loki #ask #parental troubles #gothiccatrina #loki roleplay

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undefined5posts · 3 years

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Credit: Jordan J. Lloyd

I've been trying to dive deeper into politics, discover the genuine roots of our society, the origins of our beliefs, and the consequences of our economic system. It's a big, long, wide journey and through multiple sources such as articles, images, videos and multiple social media platforms, I've been trying to educate myself more on important subjects.

Communism, capitalism, libertarian, conservative, the left, the right, the history, the impact. It is scary to commit to everything because once you start, you simply cannot stop, once you start waking up your conscience about the horrible reality, the lies, the truths, you cannot put it back to sleep. You can't just ignore prejudice, especially when you're extremely conscious of it's omnipresence. I have continually tried to build my own opinions all while actively creating bullet point arguments in my mind because I just know that at some point I will have to defend my thinking, and I want to do it right.

Now, I am so far from being enlightened, I am a beginner and an amateur in all of those themes, but I am trying, which is the only way to start and grow.

So to tell you about my beliefs, I am a militant human rights activist, I believe in equal opportunities regardless of gender identity, sex, religion, sexual orientation, ethnicity, race and disability. This is a fact, not a belief, but the system was obviously not built to protect all people, its wasn't created to serve everyone equally but to grant a privilege to some and harm others. The current state of the world is not a slip, an accident or a misfunction of our brilliant system but a testament of it operating remarkably well. I believe that equity leads to equality, and I believe that we cannot "fix" methodologies that were immorally created with absolutely no honor whatsoever. I believe in reproductive rights, in legal, safe abortions for anybody who needs one. I believe in the decriminalization of marijuana. I believe that the death penalty is a despicable punition that should be banned as soon as possible. I believe in defunding the police and the military. I believe that it is a shame that I even have to talk about police brutality, I don't want to have to say that it is one of the most horrible things our world has originated, I feel extremely dense when I do because it seems like the most obvious certitude and I refuse to believe that this is a controversial statement. I believe that everything I have just stated, along with many more, isn't anything grand but the bare minimum, the bar is low, and yet, we still have the fight for basic human decency.

Humanity has become an option. We have normalized supporting people that represent everything wrong in this world under the name of tolerance. The left has never claimed to be tolerant towards hateful beings, We have never accepted homophobia, transphobia, racism, ableism and sexism. We cannot, for exemple, accept nazis, as too much tolerance inevitably leads to intolerance. This picture explains it perfectly:

I consider myself a communist/ socialist. The two terms still confuse me a little, some say they are the same, some say they differ quite a bit. What I know is that socialism is the transitional period between capitalism and communism. At the end of the day, the final result and goal is a stateless, moneyless and clasless society that will provide to each his need.

Our capitalistic society has brainwashed us way more than you may think. It is the root of so many of our issues, the underground demon of our problems. Every idea, thought, belief, and misconception of ours were all affected by our current economic system. It has sold us the billionnaire dream which is one of the most toxic things capitalism has offered. We have looked up to billionaires for way too long, why are they so idolized? Most of them come from high upper class families that can easily afford to invest in their inventions and creations. After starting up their companies and occasionnaly stealing other's people ideas to ultimately get undeserved merit, they then can start to properly exploit their hardworking employees's labour. And for unlimited hours and a minimum wage which probably won't even suffice you to survive, you will have to either pick up more shifts or a second or even third job, especially if you have a family to support. All while the CEO barely does any of the work and gets all the praise and money. So no, they don't all come from really poor families and have built everything for nothing.

The worst thing is that we've been so gaslit and brainwashed that we're proud of our own exploitation, we are wired to think that to be successful we have to suffer, work 10 jobs we all hate, constantly pick up extra hours, have 2 hours of sleep, have no free time to do anything we love, waste our entire youth, be depressed our entire adulthood, to finally have a few pennies to spend when we're eighty. We so strongly believe that this is the only right way to be successful that I don't think many of us have dared to question it's authority, and even if we do, we quickly accept that this a truth, a fact we cannot change and this is just the way things are.

We have capitalized water, food, land, forests, oceans, space, and everything in betweeen. Money is social construct and we have deliberately let it take over our lives. To think about the wasted opportunities and the misery that we have to endure so others can enjoy life truly angers me.

Also, communism is not an ideology that has every actually taken place. Despite what they say, there was never actually a communist country. However, every nation that has attempted a socialist system, for exemple Burkina Faso, has thrived. But of course, once capitalist countries noticed that, they decided to murder it's leader. So in conclusion, the only reason socialism failed is because of capitalism and it's interventions.

"As President (1983-1987), Sankara initiated economic reforms that shifted his country away from dependence on foreign aid and reduced the privileges of government officials; he cut salaries, including his own, decreed that there would be no more flying in first class or driving Mercedes as standard issue vehicles for Ministers and other government workers. He led a modest lifestyle and did not personally amass material wealth. President Sankara encouraged self-sufficiency, including the use of local resources to build clinics, schools and other needed infrastructure. [...] President Sankara promoted land reform, childhood vaccination, tree planting, communal school building, and nation-wide literacy campaigns. He was committed to gender equity and women’s rights and was the first African leader to publicly recognize the AIDS pandemic as a threat to African countries. Although Sankara became somewhat more authoritarian during his Presidency, his ideas, and the possibility that they could spread, were viewed by many as posing the greatest threat. President Sankara was assassinated during a coup led by a French-backed politician, Blaise Compaoré, in October 1987. Compaoré served as the President of Burkina Faso from October 1987 through October 2014, when he himself was overthrown."

Via:https://africandevelopmentsuccesses.wordpress.com/2015/02/28/success-story-from-burkina-faso-thomas-sankaras-legacy/

I have been reading and watching some amazing human rights activists, notably Angela Davis, Malcolm X and James Baldwin. The people that were villainized, labeled as violent and radical, when every single word that came out of their mouhs were pure facts. They are probably some of the most eloquent people I have had the pleasure of hearing. Every sentence, every argument, every single detail made so much sense and opened my mind to so many new realizations. This is the perfect exemple of how the media tarnishes the reputation of wise black women and men. I would strongly advise you to research more about them.

"Socialism & communism are demonized in the west to the point of erasing influential individuals' socialist advocacy. Heres a short list of people you may not have known were socialists/ communists:

MLK

Albert Einstein

Nelson Mandela

Frida Kahlo

Tupac Shakur

Mark Twain

Malcom X

Oscar Wilde

Bertrand Russell

Hellen Keller

Pablo Picasso

George Orwell

Shia LaBeouf

John Lennon

Woody Guthrie

Socialism & communism are not dirty words. Some of the most brilliant minds of our history were socialists and communists. Embrace it." Via @sleepisocialist on twitter

So what else can I say, capitalism has ruined our society and the way we act and think. I know a lot of people refuse to support communism because they think it's too much of a perfect ideal utopian world for it to ever actually exist. And to that I say, first of all, so you agree, it is a wonderful theory, and second of all, a world without racism, sexism, homophobia or any kind or discrimination could also be perceived as "too ideal to actually exist", but does that mean I'm giving up on talking, educating myself and others, protesting and trying to build a better future? Absolutely not. This is the objective, it would be so dumb to think that we just couldn't achieve that so let's not even try.

I want to talk more in detail about communism, theory, human rights, etc... but I don't want to make this post any longer. I will however be posting more about it soon enough.

I know this is a little different than what I usually post, but I want to speak, tell you all my own opinions, I don't want to just repost activism related stuff. I'll continue to do that, but not exclusively. I know it won't get as many interactions as my other posts, but this is what I needed at some point in my life, and if I could make understanding some basic informations easier to some people, it'll already be a great accomplishment.

Thank you for reading.

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nona-gay-simus-main · 4 years

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Top 10 Worst Tropes in Romance - Part 2

Disclaimer: This is MY opinion, you do you.

Part 1: Here

1. The Child Partner

I’m not talking about literal children, because duh. What I mean is the a person who needs their partner to emotionally parent them.

Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like the whole point of a romantic relationship is to be with an equal. You’re supposed to be teammates, best friends, and lovers.

Of course, I'm not including cases where one partner is disabled or chronically/mentally ill and needs the other to take care of them - that’s an entirely separate thing.

I'm referring to people (usually cishet men), who constantly need their partner to manage their moods and emotions. They always have some ~trauma~ to manipulate the partner into staying in the relationship in order to keep reassuring them, confirming their self-esteem, and even doing their cooking and cleaning, as if they aren't abled adults with two functioning hands.

That shit sucks!

Imagine doing that for someone all the time and then also trying to have a kid (or multiple kids) with that person. Not only will you be taking care of your actual child; but also - your partner-child. Stop normalizing lazy, emotionally stunted men. That shit ain't cut no matter how hard his abs are or how big his dick is.

2. “I’ve been in love with you since the first moment we met.”

I don’t know what it is about this trope, but it shows up in many romances and it always makes me uncomfortable. How the hell are you supposed to react to that?

Oh, you’ve been in love with me since the first time we met? Yikes, my dude.

You can’t even fall in love with someone that fast anyway. You're not in love with the person, you’re in love with your idea of them!

The only acceptable version of this is the one where it’s more along the lines “I thought I might fall in love with you if I spent any more time with you.” But other than that, I really don't understand why this is a thing?

3. Lust = Love

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a prude. I’m perfectly fine with couples who have loads and loads of sex. I’m also perfectly fine with casual sex and friends-with-benefits and any other consensual arrangement between adults.

I just get tripped up when pretty much all a couple does is have sex. They have little in common outside of sex, spend little time together when not having sex, and don’t share any hobbies, interests or even conversation topics. Or worse, when they aren’t having sex, they’re fighting.

If you want your characters to get laid, that’s cool. But if you want me to believe they are also falling in love - you’re gonna have to try a little harder.

4. BDSM = Abuse

Yes, abuse happens under the pretense of BDSM, but BDSM is NOT inherently abusive. It only happens within pre-established boundaries and safe words and with explicit consent. The only people who claim it's abuse, are people who have a vested interest in controlling what women and queer people do with our bodies.

So I really, really hate it when people use “It’s just BDSM, don’t be so uptight” to justify their rapey, abusive love interest’s actions. If the submissive has not already consented, or their consent was obtained through manipulation or intoxication - it’s not meaningful consent.

BDSM is a lot more complex than some of the simplistic catchphrases we use to explain it to the vanillas, and we can discuss those complexities for hours, but at the one thing is definitely true - the Dominant only has as much power as the submissive is willing to give. If they (knowingly) cross a boundary or take power without the consent of the submissive, it’s not power exchange, it’s abuse, pure and simple.

5. "All women want him. All men want to be him"

Really? ALL women? Are you sure?

I hate to tell you this, but some women are exclusively attracted to other women. And some women aren’t attracted to anyone. Some women have low libidos, and some women just don’t prioritize sex and relationships for whatever reason. And some women are in happy, fulfilling monogamous relationships already.

And all men want to BE him? Did you know that some men are attracted to other men? They might want a piece of that too. Or perhaps, they just don’t value being some alpha douchebag and are happy to be their much better-adjusted self. That's a thing.

Can we let this cliché die already? Please?

6. Giving up your dreams for ~love~.

Oh man, this is the worst! And why is it nearly always the woman, who has to make a choice between her career and ~~~LoVe~~?

So many books/movies etc. start with this powerful career woman and then by the end reduce her to nothing but a trophy to her man. That’s not feminist, it just keeps perpetuating the same tired gender roles.

And I can’t help but think about the future of this relationship. What if it doesn’t work out? Then the partner who the dreams were given up for looks like a jerk, even if they never asked for this.

And even if it works out, the partner who gave up their dream job, or opportunity, or whatever, will always have this “what if” at the back of their mind. Over time, they may even end up resenting their SO, especially if things don’t work out for them career-wise.

Just such a bad trope all around. It’s not romantic, it’s toxic, and co-dependant and I want it to stop.

7. He treats everyone like crap ***but you***.

You know the limitus test to see if someone’s a good person? Look at how they treat people who are “beneath” them. Their servers, the cleaning lady, etc.

If this guy treats servers like crap, treats his friends and family like crap, treats everyone like crap, except for the person whose pants he wants to get in (or wants to keep getting in for the foreseeable future), why are we romanticizing him? He’s a selfish jackass.

You can have a grumpy (but ultimately caring and good-natured) character, that's fine. But if he only treats people like humans when it benefits him - that's not sexy, that's sociopathic.

8. Love Cures All

Ahhh, the worst of them all. Truly, having a character who suffers from mental illness or has a major trauma, but oh look, they got some cuddles from the love interest and now they are all good!

Just stop, please. It’s so damaging to the people who are going through this, to tell them that all they need to feel better is ~~~LoVe~~~. And if they aren’t getting better? Well, they just haven’t gotten enough ~~~LoVe~~~!

It’s also damaging to the partner - no one should have this much responsibility on their shoulders.

Obviously, the love of a partner, friends, and family can HELP with the healing process, but it’s not enough by itself. Get them some goddamn therapy, please.

9. Accidental Pregnancy

I don’t know about you, but for most people I know, myself included, accidental pregnancy would be an absolute nightmare, not something romantic.

Do you know how bad my entire generation is doing financially? And people use this as a plot device to strengthen the relationship?

Also, relationships get weaker after having a child, not stronger. Babies are cute when they are sleeping, the rest of the time they are crying, screaming messes. Yeah, why wouldn’t sleep deprivation and constantly hurting everywhere strengthen your relationship? 🙄🙄🙄

10. Violent Men

IRL, violent men are scary, not sexy. Even if the violence is never directed at the love interest, chances are that over time it will be. But even if it’s not, why would you ever want to date someone who has the emotional maturity of a pre-schooler?

Because after pre-school, kids tend to learn to solve their problems with their words. But I guess your love interest hasn’t matured past the age of 6, which coincidentally also leads back to the first trope on this list. Charming.

#write #writer #writing #writing tips #tropes #bad romance #bad romance tropes #top 10 #top 10 list #writeblr #writblr #mine

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