#I’m so fuckin I’ll it’s unreal

[lookingforhappy]

#I’m dead #I’m so fuckin I’ll it’s unreal #I dont have a voice #my throat is trying to recreate Mordor #I can’t sleep #I’m half deaf #I can’t breath #send fucking help lads

[heretoreadmyfics]

So hlvrai2. Here’s my thoughts

Honestly I do think it’s a bit funny- we totally got bait and switched, and knowing RTVS this doesn’t surprise me.

I did have to stop watching. It did get a bit triggering bc of the cancer stuff. I didn’t quit because it wasn’t hl though.

You’re allowed to feel bad that you got conned, and that you were looking forward to it and don’t feel like you got it- but don’t fuckin harass RTVS, or spam their chat, or beg for Gordon to wake up (got triggering there too bc people kept saying unreality things in chat)- it’s a funny half life show it’s not that serious.

We’re probably gonna get a bit clowned on, I just hope mostly that we’re still allowed to continue on our merry old man yaoi way lol

I’ll probably watch the edited version!! I’m just not good at focusing on streams lol

Anyways I just wanted to share my thoughts- even though I’m not big in the fandom I still wanted to share

#cy speaks #hlvrai #hl2vrai #bbvrai #brbavrai #hlvrai2 spoilers #hl2vrai spoilers #idk if we’re still using that but l #lol

[queer-whatchamacallit]

Here’s my observations of 1x03 - Brigade of my beloved, The Bear!!

When Carm’s at the beach, there’s a “let it rip, Buddy” which I’m pretty sure is our very first let it rip

Carm takes “the chemistry needs to change” and “just try to keep my side of the street clean” and absorbs it

I think I’ve counted 4 pepto and tums stashes? The office, the bathroom, the locker room, and his bedroom

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but Carm sleeps with socks on

In the Al-Anon pamphlet, under the DO (as opposed to DON’T) section was “take it easy— tension is harmful”

Manny, Angel, and Marcus are all definitely there before Carm. Marcus said Carmy was early, but he came in at the same time as Syd, so might be able to assume she comes in before him normally

We get to see a little bit of Carm’s purer passion for cooking. Him just deciding to teach Marcus about the plum thing because he has that knowledge to share. The Carm-Marcus mentor relationship is so superior

Also he says Har-EE-bo which threw me off. I always say HARE-ih-bo

Carm starts the French brigade to keep his side of the street clean and change what he can, but there’s also the layer where Carm likes consciously or subconsciously reliving his traumas, but in a situation he has more control over. Carmy is trying to remake New York here, except he’s the Executive Chef, but he’s not going to be overbearing like his Chef was

“Ebra: I was in a brigade once. Tina: What happened? Ebra: Many people died. Tina: See, Jeff? Carmy: It’s gonna be different” is such a good back and forth, Ebra is easily the funniest person here

Carmy parrots, “They keep their side of the street clean,” and you can almost tell he’s been rolling those words over and over in his head all day

We get Ebra’s first “I accept” !!!

After the call from Niko, it’s like Carm either doesn’t hear Richie the first time he asks, “What was that?” Or he just can’t get words to come out of his mouth. Carm’s voice goes kinda small and quiet. Richie asks if he blew a fuse, and I could imagine that’s exactly what it felt like

“I just felt like Michael was alive for a second.” Carm wasn’t there for the funeral, it’s hard to tell how it was long after Mikey died when he moved back from New York, he never grieved with anyone. He knows Michael’s dead, he can say it without a second thought, he jokes with the “I’ll ask him when he’s not dead” in 1x06, but the deepest proof he has is word of mouth. There’s bound to be some part of him that’s in denial about Mikey’s death

He hears, “I want to set this place on fuckin fire,” in his head, same as after the nightmare in 1x08, so did he know about the failing fire suppression stuff? Did Mikey say that to him at some point? Idk this is just a weird quote, some good s1 unreality tho

As Carm runs from wherever he was to out the door, you can hear shit being knocked over behind him, but he doesn’t look back. He’s pretty okay with telling people when something is wrong, but actually having them be there for him is a different story. The second he crosses the threshold into panic, he bolts, so no one can see it. When he gets off the call with Niko, he never turned around to face Richie and just waited until Richie walked out before he let himself press a hand into his chest and sit down

No matter how pissed Tina is with Syd, she’ll still ask, “What happened? Let me see” when she cuts her finger <3

Tina goes up to Sweeps and Marcus who both have the blue aprons and there’s such a good bit I forgot about, “Tina: You two look like you joined a dumbass cult. Sweeps and Marcus in unison: Thank you”

Another good Ebra bit: “Syd: Well, it’s not good, so Ebra: You betrayed me!”

When Syd goes out front looking for her onions, Richie is talking to Crooked John from 1x06 !!!

There’s a bench outside no one ever seems to use after this (that I’ve noticed), but I guess whenever we see someone go out back, they’re probably either nervously pacing (Carm) or too sad to feel like they deserve a bench (Marcus)

Even after the hellish half day she just had, it takes a little prompting from Carmy to open up about it, and when she does, it feels almost straightforward, I told you this would be bad, you didn’t listen to me, and that isn’t the job I came for, you suddenly gave me this responsibility then left, and it didn’t go well, etc. She also gains a little bit of revenge by fucking with Carmy and lightening the mood. She may not be super comfortable with explaining this stuff to others, but she seems to have a good bit of emotional intelligence (especially compared to Carm) to pinpoint everything that bothered her

Ah, the classic “fuck brunch” <33

And after all that, Carmy snuck out again at sunset to go to the beach and feel painful emotions about it being Mikey’s birthday

I think the first 2 eps introduced external and internal conflict respectively, so now, we could start getting into some recurring stuff. It starts planting the seeds for the season 2 Carmy ditching the restaurant for what he thinks will be healthier arc. And Syd gets her shit rocked, and that’s so rude because she deserves the world

Anyway! Ep 3 boom done!!

#my bear rewatch #the bear #the bear fx #the bear meta #meta analysis #panic attack #character analysis #character writing #fanfic prompt #headcanon #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto #marcus brooks #marcus the bear #sydney adamu #ebra the bear #richie jerimovich #mikey berzatto #michael berzatto #sweeps the bear

[adelaidedrubman]

wip. well. it’s wednesday somewhere.

i was tagged today by @socially-awkward-skeleton and over the past week by @g0dspeeed @nightbloodbix @v0idbuggy @inafieldofdaisies! fresh tags out to anyone with new stuff to share and also to @florbelles @unholymilf @henbased @direwombat @derelictheretic @corvosattano @schoute @poetikat @ishwaris @shallow-gravy @roofgeese @cassietrn @josephslittledeputy @jackiesarch @strangefable @voidika @confidentandgood @nuclearstorms @afarcryfrommymain @trench-rot @deputyash @jacobsneed

continuing to juggle wildfire and hl&s. first, a nice emotional tracey and jestiny bonding scene from wildfire chapter 18 (slight drug warning):

She scoffed. “There wasn’t exactly a shitton left for me to go back to in Portland,” she replied, shrugging her shoulders. “No family. No home. And I fucked up and brought the one friend I had here. To them.”

Jessie swallowed, fingers fidgeting with the bandage on her arm. She reached to lift the joint from its place between Tracey’s fingers, inhaling properly around it this time. Maybe she could use a hit. Anything to make her head feel lighter. 

She coughed hard enough for her eyes to water, trying to assuage the dry sputter of her throat with a swallow of beer. 

“Beer’s kinda watery,” she noted. 

“You’d think that, when you’re used to drinking toxic sludge,” Tracey replied. “The beer you drink tastes like fucking shit, Jessie.” 

“Your palate is so fuckin’ unrefined, it’s unreal.” 

“Yours is like, honest to fucking god pathological. I think it’s the shit they teach you to look out for to spot serial killers.” 

Jestiny shook with laughter, leaning forward to rest her forearms on her thighs and playfully crinkle her nose at Tracey. “Maybe I’d fit in good with the peggies,” she teased with a wriggle of her eyebrows. “Think they’d be impressed enough with my killing talents to make an exception and let me keep drinking the IPAs?” 

Tracey’s smile fell. 

Jestiny considered that possibly she hadn’t found Tracey’s joke that funny, either. 

aaand a little bit from the story that actually matters. hl&s chapter 2:

“Now, if you’ll excuse us, Mrs. Drubman.” He pressed his right arm flat against his abdomen and bent at the waist in a half-bow that put his head near even with Adelaide’s cleavage, bringing his left hand to rest against the small of Jessie’s back. “As much as I’d love to stay and chat, I’m afraid I won’t have any chance of charming my date myself if I’m competing with you.”

He pressed his hand against Jessie’s back to guide her the remaining distance towards the boat — only to have the hand elbowed away, as if she’d once again forgotten they were supposed to be acting like a happy couple.

But before he could shoot her a proper glare in reminder she wrapped her arm around his to tug him along instead, nearly causing him to stumble off the dock from her clumsily effort to cover her slip up.

“I’ll leave you crazy kids to it, then,” Adelaide chimed with a parting wave. “Happy catchin’!”

As John climbed into the boat he caught in his periphery a manicured hand reaching out to grab to the grubby, calloused one dropping a tackle box and set of fishing poles over the side.

“And sugar,” he heard Adelaide whisper to the redhead she held back. “You gotta let me know if it winds up he puts out, alright?”

He could see Jessie’s look of earnest confusion reflected in the windshield.

“Uh, I guess,” she rasped in reply, even more conspicuous yet. “I mean, why wouldn’t he?”

“My dear,” John turned to cut in before the pair could whisper more gossip, holding out the palm of his hand in offering to receive Jessie’s and assist her in climbing into the boat.

She recoiled, looking at the hand as if it might as well have held a dead rat as she stepped to the side of it and hopped onto the boat.

Yes, this was certainly a mistake.

#wip #oh for anyone who hasn’t read chapter 1 jessie consistently missing red flags about the cult thing is a running gag #(tumblr PLEASE don’t break tags this time>:[

[asexualzoro]

it’s my 22nd birthday today, and you know what that means... 

Lew Writes Wrapped 2022!

its virtually all third life this time, most of which have not been posted on main before. woe, the full weight of my third life obsession be upon ye

blood god, mortal red

(Jan, 1.2k, DSMP, oneshot) (link)

one of the Many minecraft execution fics i have written in my life, technoblade anvil edition

not to start this post off with making myself sad, but man, i miss him. 

i remember writing this one all in one sitting at work in january. i think i did a pretty good job with it from an artistic standpoint, and as an analytical piece, i think i hit the mark perfectly. that said, i don’t think i could reread it now. i do think it was fun as a writing exercise to force like, 5 seconds irl to stretch out into a thousand words

yes, the only way out is down

(April, 1.2k, 3L, oneshot) (link)

another minecraft execution fic, third life rendog edition! 

IM SO PROUD OF THIS ONE. im so fond of it it’s probably my favorite third life oneshot. ren’s execution makes me fucking rabid and this is just the most direct expression of that.

what’s funny is i actually remember being pretty dissatisfied with this fic when i finished it--there was a lot of stuff i wanted to hit on that i just couldnt swing around to--but when i stepped away from what i wanted it to be and looked at what it was, i realized i liked it a lot

the rhythm of cold fists

(May, 2.6k, 3L, onehsot) (link)

sometimes you get so worked up about the idea scar threw the finale of third life that you have to write a bunch of frenzied words on it

this one is funny bc i think its got the second most hits of any of my third life fic, but the comment number is really low comparatively. i mostly just had fun making the transcript of this scene and then fleshing that out into a full ‘novelization,’ it was a neat writing exercise! i don’t think anything in particular stands out about this one, but i’m happy with it overall

Wooden Mausoleum

(May, 3.8k, 3L, oneshot) (link)

Sometimes you get so worked up about the idea of the unactualized betrayal plotline of the most loyal man in the series that you have to write a bunch of frenzied words about it

okay this is going to sound bad but i keep forgetting i wrote this. i dont know why. i like this fic! one of my favorite paragraphs i wrote all year is in it! and yet??? i dunno.

id love to write a different martyn wins au where the betrayal isnt the sort of ‘mercy kill’ suggested in this fic, bc i still have not recovered from the unrealized betrayal plot. someday i’ll write a martyn wins au where he Means to win

i... still feel something is sort of off with the way this fic ends, but i think ive felt that about a lot of the fic/scene endings ive written of late. i think that ending scenes/fics is just ill have to work on this upcoming year! 

might be best to not look back

(Oct, 2.7k, 3L, oneshot) (link)

i’m starting to think all my oneshots are just me getting possessed by different parts of the third life. anyway i had a point to prove about scar throwing, and what might happen were he not being wildly unsubtle about throwing

i can write essays on this fic it makes me feel insane. i HAVE written an essay on it already just recently. tbh, this fic itself IS an essay written for the purpose of analyzing the penultimate third life scene. i have and could and will write more essays on the penultimate third life. this is all i have to say to avoid making this a 1k word post

i think i did what i wanted to pretty well? it was sort of confusing, by virtue of trying to talk about a point your viewpoint character won’t acknowledge, but it was a fun piece over all

missing or obstructed

(Oct-present, 6.3k, 3L, ongoing) (link) 

post third life fic but only grian and ren remember, featuring so many sleep/dreaming metaphors, because i lucid dream and have insomnia and it does a lot to me as a person

missing or obstructed has 14.7k words written but i havent fuckin posted most of it bc i got derailed by lamplight. missing i am so sorry i miss you so much but youve been obstructed. i am really excited for how the rest of this goes but i think i have to finish and completely exorcize lamplight from my head before i can go back to it in earnest. i DID post another chapter at 10pm yesterday so i had more of it to include in this wordcount tho,

missing or obstructed has been a lot of fun to write bc i lvoe stupid metaphors. it has sucked to write because it’s forced me to come up with worldbuilding shit for the watchers which has been so much more difficult than i thought. it’s been fun again cuz i love worldbuilding. it’ll be super fun when i finish the current scene i’m sitting and get to introduce martyn pov. i lvoe writing Martyn pov

Lamplight AU

(Nov-present, 20k, 3L/LL, series) (link)

renchanting dnd au. i put ren in a lantern. what else do you need

wadda hell. 

i cannot even begin to like--lamplight was literally supposed to be just 20 Questions and thats it, i wasn’t going to write more, but people liked it so much that i was like “sure, i’ll write a bit more” and you guys have been??? so kind. the amount of enthusiasm this fic has received thru kind tags/comments, asks and interest, and even art??? is equal parts deeply humbling and also incredibly likely to give me a god complex. this fic has been so much fun to write and my readers are the whole reason, i cant wait to show you what i have in store for the rest of it

six sentence sunday challenge

i also started a challenge back at the end of march of this year over on @driflew called Six Sentence Sunday. the rules are simple: every sunday, post six sentences you wrote that week.

i didn’t make it every week, but i made it a great deal of them. on occasion, i even posted 12 sentences the week after missing my six, meaning some weeks counted for two.

my six sentence sunday tag on that blog has 28 posts from the year! considering there’s only 52 weeks in a year, i started three months late, and a few of those weeks are actually two, i feel pretty good about the amount of weeks i made. not every week, but basically any week i didn’t have a good excuse not to complete my six sentences. it kept me writing all year, if only a little bit at a time, and i’ll be keeping up with it for sure!

to finish out,

i passed my writing amount from last year (25k) by over 10k words! my total number for this year doesnt even count the 7k or so from missing or obstructed i havent posted, plus an uncounted few hundred words of unposted snippets for lamplight. i’m really happy with everything i’ve done this year! 

which… this year i wrote and posted 37,800+ words! 

thank you to everyone who has supported my writing all year, as always, it means the world to me. happy birthday to me, and thank you to you for reading! 

(birthday wishes and/or reblogs appreciated!)

#lew writes #lew writes wrapped

[ohposty]

Do you ever sit back and wonder how the fuck did this become my life? Because that's my life right now. So many amazing things have been happening to me recently, especially the birth of my daughter. But right now I'm on cloud fuckin' nine because I'm going to embark on a tour with the Red Hot Chili Peppers in January. Growing up, I looked up to those guys so much and to know that I'll be sharing a stage with them soon is unreal. Has anything happened in your world lately that's made you question how the fuck you're this lucky? I'd apologize for my language, but I've just been told that the more you cuss the more intelligent you are. I'm about to be Stephen Hawking in this bitch. ( @gonehollywoodstarters​ )

#gonehollywoodstarter

[edsbacktattoo]

🍓

Ooooihghhh Casper. OUYGGFGHH my rotten soldier. My sweetest cheese. Buckle in guy I got things to say.

Ok. LISTEN. I love you. That’s not a compliment I just needed to get that out of the way.

You are SO kind and thoughtful and supportive. Even if you’re having a hard day, you still offer as much warmth and support as you can. You’re so passionate and smart. And your writing? Casper, your writing? It’s exceptional! I’m so lucky to get the chance to read through your works because every time I’m absolutely thrilled. You have such skill! And the art as well?!? Come on!!!! Unbelievable. Unreal! You’re absolutely bustling with creativity and ideas and then to make it even better you’re fuckin’ hilarious? What the hell?

I know we say it all the time but every day I am so so grateful that you decided to read Chasing Storms and send me a message about it. Every single day.

When I say ofmd changed my life, I mean that it led to a friendship like this one. Isn’t that just amazing?! :D

send me a 🍓 and i’ll compliment you

#genuinely one of my favourite people in the whole wide world #love you bud <3 #ask game

[limborooster]

going to spit out my thoughts here pardon me

i’m irrationally afraid my cats will forget me and not like me anymore while i’m off living in a dorm fr two years and then when i can move off campus and they can live with me they won’t like it

i’m rationally afraid that my elderly cat will die while i’m 2.5 hours away at school and even if i leave for home immediately when my mom tells me his body will be cold when i arrive

he’s in decently good health for a 15 year old but my one cat spontaneously died when i was younger and now i’m paranoid

i was super sick today from my covid booster and i can tell i’m getting better because i am incredibly hungry and have a very strong urge to go outside and to sew

unfortunately it is 2:30 am

i hope my school does movie character day during a spirit week again this year because i want to show off my improved spock closet cosplay

i wish that fur didn’t take 400 years to ship from howl and fs supplies because i want to sew so bad

also fursuit making is hard wtf it’s very frustrating

hopefully it’s worth it

today i discovered my love for vegetable stock

this is good news because i hate most soups

i’m so excited my parents are going to help me make a resume because i finally got my working papers and i’m going to apply to joann!!! employee discount + talking to people about their cool projects + old ladies + moms + crochet girlies + furries + stocking shelves i am so excited

it’s all i’ve ever dreamed of

i used to live nearby our joann

i’m scared to go to college because they don’t have my regular grocery store there

fuck you capital region why don’t you have wegmans i need wegmans i don’t want to choose between whole foods and price chopper

the nearest ones to there (albany) are literally MY hometown wegmans and one in fuckin massachusetts which are both ~2 hours away

unreal

also you can’t have a microwave in your dorm

so

yeah

it’s worth it though everything else is so good

combined bachelors masters program

no corridor style dorms (no communal bathrooms)

indescribably awesome student groups and clubs there’s so much cool stuff and they’re so well run

very easily walkable and centralized campus while still being aesthetically pleasing

dog mascot.

my mommy goes there !!!! she takes online classes but still they’re at albany

so i’m at the same school as my mom

also i’m just now realizing in commonapp i put no relatives have attended but she probably counts. stupid i guess i didn’t think about it because it was phrased in past tense and she is currently attending

i am not very bright sometimes

i have to get a rec letter for a scholarship about why i’d be good for the socio program

i think i’ll ask my former philosophy teacher because that is the most relevant i guess

all the other ones i have good relationships with are stem teachers

which is weird because i’m better at humanities and stuff

i guess i’ve just had bad luck with humanities teachers

i also guess that’s not really true i typically enjoy social studies more with individual study rather than at school because my school doesn’t offer very good classes

whereas i’ve had great science and math classes and i have fun at school with those

i need to go to sleep but i took a five hour nap today so i’m not tired

idk what to get people for christmas

it always sneaks up on me like this

idek what i want for christmas

i have chest hair now

i think it’s been filling in for a while but i’m noticing it now

as time passes i love my body more and more

can’t wait until next year i can be flat

shit i have to tell my mom to contact the psych eval people to get on the waitlist for my surgery approval

balls

i will be so attractive

my sister is taking me to get a tattoo with her this spring for a belated birthday present (because i will be 18 in january)

oh also im gonna start practicing for my road test to get my license

all i have to do is not suck at parallel parking and then i can finally drive myself to school and not have to bother my poor parents with it

and go home for lunch!!!!

and go to the store whenever i want to!!!!

and surprise my gf by dropping things off at her house and driving her places !!! yay !!!

oh my little subaru outback that was my dads car for several years and smells like mold because he left the sunroof open and it rained inside the car how i love you

freshmen aren’t allowed to have cars on campus at albany but we’re gonna cheat the system and get a parking pass in my moms name because she’s a student

and obviously doesn’t need it bc she attends online

i want to put fake grass on the floor

so sad i can’t do it on the drivers side because like .. pedals

but i can do it everywhere else

i can do whatever i want to this car because i will use it until it’s only good for salvage

i think about the one episode of star trek where data makes a child and she develops feelings and she says i love you and he says i wish i could feel it with you

feel that

because i feel like my romantic and general affectionate drive is so low compared to normal

idk i don’t understand myself

it’s not that i don’t feel things

i feel very deep love and reverence for many things

i think that maybe i shut down and so my feelings get hidden

oh yeah guys don’t get divorced when your child is turning 11 because they will be irreparably damaged

this is a little bit exaggeratey because mostly the problem was there was a lot of lies and deception along with the complicated emotions that come with being on the verge of understanding and not understanding how marriage and love and affairs and adulthood work and also having your reverence for your parents shattered very suddenly rather than a nice steady realization that they are not superhuman

i need to investigate that trauma a little more i think

it’s 3 now

i wanted to just go to sleep asap but now i’ve gotten to the point where i’m so hungry i’m nauseated so i have to eat

man

now my sleeping and eating schedules are off

stupid vaccine

at least they work this is objectively better than covid but still god damn

probably it’s worse because i got a flu shot at the same time but gahhhh

alright i wanted pasta but the only stuff we have is this chickpea based penne

which i love chickpeas but i’ve never tried this so idk

also i felt bad having the light on with my parents upstairs so i’m cooking by the light of the stove burner it’s so cozy

reminds me of last april when we had no power for five days

no cell service no wifi no heat no running water no lights and no leaving the house bc my mom had covid

we used snowmelt to flush the toilets

so lucky for our gas stove bc we could light it with matches and boil water to clean ourselves and heat up food

i read the whole fazbear frights series in those days

school was closed bc the school had no power but once it reopened we still didn’t so i got to skip for a day

it was a lot of fun except i got cystic acne from not being able to shower properly for five days as a sweaty testosterone man

it’s raining out and my cat has joined me this is so cozy

ok the pasta feels a bit weird but it’s sooooo good with butter and salt (don’t have sauce)

i’m back in bed watching the episode of star trek

why is picard sometimes so forward thinking and sometimes such a dickhole

even after watching through the whole series i can’t tell if i really like him or not

[madisonbeersource]

i THINK my ranking is (and yes imma include “i have never felt more alive” as a single too)

4. dangerous - and i really don’t wanna put it at the bottom bc i LOVE this song. i can kinda see why ppl think it’s more forgettable than the others but the “i’ll remember you this way” breaks my HEART bc i can totally relate to that sentiment. also in LOVE with that mv she looks unreal

3. showed me - for NOW - i’m sure it’ll jump up the more i listen to it but rn it’s already passed dangerous for me. im sure if you ask me again in a week it’ll be 2 for sure or maybe even 1

2. reckless - I WILL NEVER GET OVER SOBBING TO THIS AT THE LIFE SUPPORT TOUR it was actually so sick of her to put this and homesick back to back i was literally so unwell for that sequence i was sobbing

1. i have never felt so alive - I. LOVE. THIS. SONG. so fuckin underrated. it feels so personal but also so cinematic (perfect for a movie lol) but also like passive aggressive and i get so into it when i sing it like “remember how you said that you would save me?? but you’re the only one who needed saving” SICK. SHES SICK FOR THAT

but literally it’s not like it’s a long shot between songs like they’re all SO good it was such a hard call and it fluctuates daily

- the mads and maggie anon

I agree w dangerous being the forgettable one overall because the other ones have SUCH a vibe to it that dangerous almost feels like a single interlude you know just like a break between reckless who was such a vulnerable song up to showed me that is a bad bitch vibe!

showed me is on repeat ever since it came out honestly & today i'm doing some more gifsets BUT i feel u it's kinda like the upgraded version of BOYSHIT!

Reckless will forever b iconic!

OMG I HESITATED w showed me & Ihnfma cause honestly this song is ....PERFECT it's slept on and i'm so sad we didn't get a music video w it bc it really felt like one of her best singles!

YEAH I FEEL THAT SO MUCH

#ask

[diaryofanemotionalblackgirl]

Ghosted??

3.20.24

I’m not sure what this is. I’m not sure if this will ever see the eyes of others. But if it does, this is real, I’m real, and they are real too. The purpose of this is to create an outlet for me and all my emotions. I have a condition, a condition where my emotions are so intense, I don’t think I can ever control them. Do I have emotional control? Yes, but this condition is so rare and real, I’m researching it now because there is no way I can go another year living like this. 

Here’s a story for you though: about how my feelings got hurt, once again. This time it’s okay. I think. Years ago I worked at Walmart, I had a crush on a maintenance associate. I told a friend and he hooked us up. I fell for him in that short amount of time. I was a virgin then, he ate the best pussy so far in my life. Still till this very day I think he’s my #1 head giver. 

            Anyways. This was years ago. We broke up, we were young. End of Story. Fast forward to today, I’m 27. He’s 29, we hit it off again. The same feelings, the same familiarity, the same feeling of home resurfaces and I’m reminded of how badly I wanted things to work all those years ago. It feels safer this time, it feels unreal, and it feels like end game. We argue but we communicate. We’re honest or so I hope we were. Then he ignores me. The one thing I hate. The one fear I have, he does to me. The night his location is cut off and the conversation goes as so;

Me

7:33pm

Baby why your location off

Me

7:34pm

:/

Me

7:36pm

Um ok

Him

7:40pm

I’m on the toilet

My Lo not off

Me

7:40pm

It just was….

I’m turning back over

Me 

8:11pm

y is u being super weird

I’m is like real confused rn

Me

8:18pm

Imma just talk to you another time. 

You been weird since you woke up 

and you not finna ruin my birthday.

 So whatever you got going on good fuckin luck

Me

8:46pm

lol.

Me

8:47pm

Sinceeeeeee when am I not

In your favorites

you……..lol

if you gone cut your location off then just unshare it

Me

8:48pm

You just pissed me the fuck off

Him

10:52pm

??

Before we cast judgement. His location was off and I sent a screenshot of it being off. I once was in his favorites but when I called, straight to voicemail. No his phone was not dead because my messages delivered. I thought that maybe he was sleep and I was over thinking it. I went with that I didn’t assume it was another woman I was assuming that he was being distant and pulling away from me.

            Now, maybe I could’ve handled things a little better. Maybe I don’t have control over my emotions. But the ache in my heart and the numbness in my hands let me know that this familiar feeling of being ghosted was occurring once again. So why am I writing about it because I need to release, I’m sad. I’m hurt. I’m not embarrassed and this time I’m prepared. The harsh reality is that my birthday is in days and I got dumped once again…

            Nobody prepares you for dating in your 20s and nobody prepares you for when your knocking on thirty and haven’t met a single candidate that fits your criteria. But honestly I’m not ready to be a wife. I’m a kid myself, I haven’t matured. It’s a blessing in disguise he ghosted me. 

            Now reality is; if he comes back and whispers sweet nothings, I will melt. 

But I must trust in God. I trust in God. This was unexpected but according to God he expected it. His plan for me is bigger than anything I can imagine. So why am I here?

This is merely an outlet. It may never reach a humans eyes, who knows.

I am a 27 year old virgin whose love life is a shit show. Whose life is a shit show, but I am grateful because it could be worse, I could be unintelligible. Instead I know better, I’m gaining control and I’m happy despite this obstacle. I’m happy I get to experience this and I am disappointed it ended so soon. I’ll miss him. I loved him, I will always have a love for him as I do any man who has ever had me vulnerable enough to be me. 

But maybe it is time to self-reflect, but I’m strong willed. I’ll allow myself 24 hours. To cleanse, to think, to release him. I’ll hope, I’ll wish and think that maybe he will contact me again. He won’t. So I hope you look back at this specific part, this piece right here because He absolutely won’t. And that is ok.

            And maybe there needs to be some accountability on my part. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I pushed him away. This is a safe space. 

Anonymously L.A

[queer-whatchamacallit]

I just rewatched 1x02 of The Bear, and took notes to get deeper into these fucked up silly guy’s heads, so here we go!!

Tw: workplace abuse, intentional emeto

The staff at EMP wear white tops, black pants, and a blue apron which Carm continued after his switch to The Beef

With both the “why?” bit and “Do you like working with fucking idiots?” “I’ll do better,” the only accepted response is that a mistake was made and it was their fault

“Do you like working with fucking idiots?” “I’ll do better.” “Say ‘yes Chef’” both serve to paint Carm as a fucking idiot and to show Chef as always deserving his respect

There’s a constant flip flop between absolutely tearing Carm to shreds and making him feel like dirt beneath Chef’s shoe for the problem that occurred and making sure he’s keeping work flowing at a rate and quality that’s acceptable to Chef (which it never will be)

I’m sure you’ve seen the “Chef saying ‘you should be dead’ was off screen so you can’t tell if it was actually Chef or if that was in Carmy’s head,” and I lean more toward the latter. I know it’s plausible (which is really fucked up), but I just like the narrative possibilities for Carm starting to hear Chef’s voice. It sounds different too. It’s whispered, but Chef had to be careful about who heard that one more than everything else, so idk

His eyes are kinda hazy through the whole thing, and when it’s over, he stalls for a second before blinking hard and brushing it off. He still sounds kind of off-kilter after though.

There’s a time skip I never noticed before where one moment, he’s desperately calling hands, and the next, they’re cleaning up after service. Maybe unintentional but maybe slipping in a little of that s1 unreality and showing that Carmy misses time sometimes

Marcus just loves messing with Richie, first his cologne and second “DeVry, we’re serious about success!!” and he’s so real for that

SYDNEY: [mocking laughter] <333

Carm doesn’t actually clean the floors with a toothbrush, he had a rag which feels… weird. His floor-cleaning toothbrush is such a staple in fics

He walks to and from work

On his coffee table, he has an ash tray, a mason jar of water, and some clutter I couldn’t make out

“YOU KILLED MICHAEL” on the order tickets is an interesting one. I’d probably tie this most easily to the train of thought that he wasn’t there, but he could have helped, and if he never left, Michael would still be alive. Maybe he thinks the pressure of having to deal with him as a kid contributed or that his success as a high end chef made Mike feel like shit by comparison, but idk, there’s a lot of ways you could go here

“That’s um… a lot of words.” We have a work day here and reading about managing his business is not fast and exciting and Carmy is a little blood-sniffing shark, if he stops moving, he’ll die. Fr kinda love him for this but am pissed at him for just shoving it back to Syd

“Is my hair on fire?” I had to look up a definition, but Carmy’s starting to wonder if he’s just totally fucked and if The Beef can make it out of this. It’s interesting to see him so unsure of whether he’s going to make it. “Not yet, no, but you need help,” just feels nice. It’s both sugar-coated and completely accurate

I love Ebra for just listening to T rant about how much she hates Syd, and later, he just fuckin rocks it when Syd calls orders out. Ebra’s one of my favs <33

Syd with her journal shows the first signs of her impatience and Richie interrupting her with the inspector I think finally flipped the switch of her just absolutely despising him

Them getting a C and seeing everyone go through the 5 stages of grief is so funny omg

Syd breaking up fights and stubborn idiot-proofing by getting the right caulk was so hot girl of her

“Fak, fix that fuckin sound.” I want to know what made the difference between this and the “I don’t mind it” alarm during the s2 Cicero meeting

“He’s a baby. Don’t get Carmen into trouble, y’know? I was a baby too once, Sydney. Nobody gave a fuck.” This is pretty self explanatory, but… yeah ouch

Carm’s willing to vent to Jimmy about work with the slightest encouragement. Might point to them having a closer relationship, or maybe Carm would vent about work to whoever will listen

“I asked you where you’ve been.” So he hasn’t seen Cicero or his mom since moving back, and I feel like him and Nat had at least texted or called before 1x01 but probably not seen each other, could be wrong on that though. So he just dove headfirst into the restaurant the second he got back to Chicago, and hasn’t even talked to the family he’s been self-isolating from for the past 5 years

I love Carm’s phone password being 11111

Edit: I’m watching this ep yet again, and the flowers on the table in the scene with Pete are the same from his cooking show dream in 1x08!!! Maybe tying in that he feels like his slow breakdown is being seen by everyone he knows, not just those connected just by cooking. Or maybe it’s connecting his conversation with Sugar to how he was also struggling especially hard at the time of the dream, but then, I feel like it would be in Sugar’s kitchen when they’re talking about it. Idk but I love this detail a lot

Sugar doesn’t seem to treat Pete super great :’(. She kinda pushes him away after he hands her the phone, and he instantly assumes that she’s telling him to shut the fuck up. She is the sibling trying hardest to change and be healthier, but she did indeed inherit that Berzatto temper and fast pace to the point of rudeness

Carm’s “Did you hear I apologized? :D” is so funny to me

Carm will vent to Sugar when something happens that’s more in the mental side of things. He wants to be casual about it, doesn’t want to think too hard into how deeply fucked he is, but he needed to talk to someone about almost setting his apartment on fire

Apparently he sleep cooks “sometimes,” and that wasn’t the only time

We know that the breathing difficulties started “sometime in New York maybe?” and I feel like crying out of nowhere is a little more recent, but the nightmares could’ve started at any time, or maybe he was saying New York for all 3, who knows

“I don’t want to bother you.” When considering who to tell what, he does consider his perceived burden on the other person

“I was throwing up every day before work… kinda dug it.” This quote has naturally festered in my brain for the past couple months because it says so much about him. He experiences stress nausea and maybe it became an intentional way of gaining control and consistency in an environment that fought so hard to make him feel faceless and powerless. It shows how far he is willing to go for this. He’ll do whatever it takes, including making himself vomit from anxiety. In his mind, it helps him become a better chef. Could also illustrate his likely connection between perfection and suffering. He kinda dug it. He felt like that self-destruction was necessary for him to excel. I could go on all day

He stayed there because “People loved the food. It felt good.” Here’s his stated motivation. His actual motivation is some messed up combination of that and lot of stuff he talks about in his Al-Anon speech: the excitement of being that good at something for once, just keeping going, hoping that one day, Mikey would acknowledge how good he was at it. People loving the food was confirmation that he was really fucking good at this. More than anything though, he wanted Mike to love the food

When the health inspector reveals that a pack of cigarettes was left by the stove, it doesn’t cross his mind that it was him. He was the CDC at EMP, he wouldn’t make a mistake like that, but he did, and now, this is just reinforcing how fucked everything’s gotten, especially himself. He’s just the type of person who leaves cigarettes by stovetops now

And yeah, that’s 1x02 - Hands all good and done!! Again, I don’t know how far I’ll get with these, but they’re very fun

#my bear rewatch #the bear #the bear fx #the bear meta #rewatch #character study #fanfic #character analysis #media analysis #headcanon #fanfic prompt #theory #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto #marcus brooks #the bear marcus #richie jerimovich #sydney adamu #michael berzatto #the bear ebra #the bear tina #neil fak #jimmy cicero #sugar berzatto #natalie berzatto #the bear pete

[xocubonee]

i know ur technically supposed to manifest things like love and whatever for urself by urself but a lad in work got fired meaning there’s an opening for another person to join my job so can yall pls pray & send me good vibes and manifest me someone who’ll love me so i can actually let go of the man who makes me wanna die.

#i’ll literally take anyone who won’t treat me like shit pls #i’m so fuckin desperate it’s unreal #but i don’t see things going back with Him™️ #because there’s too many things making it harder and harder #and i really don’t wanna let go #but i kinda have to? #plus i’m sure it’s completely over in his eye already anyways so #what’s the point in me still going/trying yknow

[luxeavenger]

I saw you reblogged a post with a photo of a text that said "goddamn the next time you bite your lip while I'm talking to you, you're getting fucked so hard" and I can TOTALLY see Backstage Pass!Bucky saying that to Backstage Pass!Steve🥵

okay, so you and this post got me thinking, so i did a thing. and i'm not gonna lie. it got a little rough.

This Is How All Their Debates End

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers

Warnings: anal sex, rough sex, spit kink, degradation, derogatory language/name calling (slut, bitch, punk - affectionate)

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Ko-fi

“Reality TV is garbage,” Bucky asserts.

Steve shoots back, “I don’t disagree with that, but it’s still a valid form of entertainment.”

“No it fucking isn’t. It’s not entertaining to watch idiots bickering over dumb bullshit, or exploiting their kids for attention, or watching rich people flaunt their expensive garbage. That kind of shit fucks up people's minds. It poisons their whole outlook on life.”

Steve licks his lip into his mouth and chews on it thoughtfully. After a moment he says, “I agree with you completely. And I get that you don’t personally like it. Personally, I don't like it either. I’m just saying for some people, it’s stress relief, or it distracts them from their day-to-day bullshit.”

“That’s what hobbies are for, man. Play a fucking game, knit a goddamn sweater, collect decorative plates, or whatever. Reality TV is poisoning people’s minds. It gives them unreal expectations of the world.”

“Watching TV is a hobby, Buck.”

“No. No, no, no. It is not a hobby. It’s a passive activity, and therefore is not a goddamn hobby.”

“Can you two quit bickering?” you grumble. “I’m watching Kings of Pain. These guys are getting stung by bullet ants on purpose. It’s hilarious.”

“We aren’t bickering,” Bucky huffs, “we’re debating. And you’re kinda stepping on my point here, kitten.”

“See?” Steve gestures at you. “Animal shows are reality TV, and they’re cute, and funny!”

“Okay, they’re cute. I’ll give you that, but don’t you think it’s a little exploitative?”

Steve chews on his lip again while he mulls over Bucky’s comment.

“Goddamn it, Steve,” Bucky growls. “The next time you bite your lip while I’m talking to you, you’re getting fucked so hard.”

Steve sits up straighter, eyeing Bucky hungrily, then slowly, deliberately, licks his bottom lip between his teeth and bites it.

Bucky flings himself across the space, and knocks Steve flat on his back. He rips through the basketball shorts Steve is wearing, and yanks down his flannel pajama pants. He manhandles Steve onto all fours, hawks a wad of spit at his hole, and follows it with his cock.

Steve groans a curse when Bucky’s hips are flush with his.

“You’re still wet from when I fucked you this morning, punk,” Bucky growls through clenched teeth.

Steve’s eyes flutter shut. “Yeah, I fuckin’ am,” he purrs. “Now get me even wetter, Buck.”

Bucky pulls him closer, so he’s towering over Steve’s body while he fucks him. He uses his vibranium arm on Steve’s neck to pin him down to the mattress.

“God, fuck yes,” Steve groans. “Go fuckin’ harder. Shit.”

“You want it harder?” Steve nods as best as he can with his head pressed to the mattress. “I’ll fucking wreck you, slut.”

Steve fists his hands in the sheets when Bucky starts to rail him in earnest. He’s chanting yesyesfuckyesfuckme with every slap of Bucky’s hips against his ass.

Steve presses his chest against the mattress, and pushes his ass up, so Bucky can go deeper. Bucky grabs a handful of Steve’s ass cheek and spreads him open so he can really pack himself into Steve’s guts.

“Fuck you feel so good around my cock. Such a good little slut for me. Always ready for my cock, always ready to be fucked, aren’t you?”

“Shit. I fucking am,” Steve whines. “‘M always ready for you. God, you fuck me so good.”

“That’s the kind of shit I expect from a slut like you,” Bucky spits on Steve’s face. It lands on his cheek with a wet smack, and Bucky uses his human hand to rub it over his skin.

Steve’s eyes roll back into his head, and he moans, “‘M your slut. ‘M fucking yours to use. ‘M fucking yours.”

“You’re goddamn right you’re mine, bitch,” Bucky snarls, and pushes on Steve’s neck again. “Now fucking come for me, slut.”

Steve barks a curse, and his dick obediently starts pumping come as soon as the words are out of Bucky’s mouth. His cock swelling and twitching, and splashing jizz all over his chest and the mattress below him.

Bucky takes his hand off Steve’s neck, and puts his weight on top of him, pushing him flat on the mattress, and riding him down. He bites marks into Steve’s shoulders as he barrels toward his own orgasm.

“Gonna come. Fuck, fuck, fuuuuck, ‘m gonna come,” Bucky pants against Steve’s sweaty skin.

“C’mon, Buck. Do it,” Steve grunts.

Bucky rests his forehead between Steve’s shoulder blades. He comes with a groan, grinding himself into Steve, making a mess deep in Steve’s guts.

He rolls to the side, hitting the mattress heavily. They’re both panting hard, trying to catch their breath.

“Do you stubborn asses feel better now?” you ask.

“A little bit,” Bucky sniffs.

Steve snorts, “All I’m sayin’ is let people live their lives.”

“Not this again,” you groan, and roll your eyes.

“No, no. I’m done. You win, Stevie. You’ve convinced me,” he holds his hands up in supplication. “Now, as soon as I catch my breath, we’re going to talk about you and your goddamn lip biting habit.”

#mail opened 📬 #backstage pass series #bucky barnes x steve rogers #stucky #bucky barnes x steve rogers smut #stucky smut #bucky barnes x steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x steve rogers x reader smut #stucky x reader #stucky x reader smut #bucky barnes x steve rogers x you #bucky barnes x steve rogers x female!reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes smut #steve rogers #steve rogers smut #evie.writes

[ssplague]

Chapter Two

A rough start we get off too

Series Masterlist

Katsuki B. X Reader

Rated M

⚠️Warnings: SMUT, improper use/depiction of certain kinks, abusive, manipulative, toxic behavior, unreal ideals of sex, use of daddy, ddlg themes, hard Dom, etc.

Let the SMUT commence

The way each pair of lips fit so perfectly together was absolutely enthralling: Passion was raw, ferocity was made so obviously evident from the growl he emitted at each attempt you made at sucking his tounge into your mouth. Only separating to take in a few large gulps of much needed oxygen, before diving back in to repeat the process over again.

“Please….P-Pleaseee…Kat..Suki…I-“ he presses a finger to your lips. That brief period of oxygen deprivation seemed to of induced a delirium of sorts. Assessing your thoughts has become similar to sifting through wet sand; Try as you might, you just can’t seem to comprehend what exactly you’d been attempting to beg him for in the first place. This look of empty headed confusion is also something Bakugou commits to memory, a first glimpse of his dumb little girl. He surveys you with bemused interest, looking as composed as ever.

“Down that bad for me hah? All I did was kiss ya a little and you’re already falling to pieces on me” the finger on your lips slides down to tilt your chin up, while he dips his head down to whisper in your ear. “Cant even imagine what kinda mess you’ll become once I finally split cha open with this big cock, such a stupid little girl”.

You suck in a deep shuddering breath as your legs suddenly give out beneath you, leaving you helplessly sliding down the wall. Bakugou laughs in such a condescending baritone as he effortlessly picks you up and deposits you on his bed. Picking his chair back up, he moves it beside the bed to take a seat in front of you.

“Listen real close to what I’m about to tell ya cause its important, open those fuckin’ ears princess cause if I end up havin’ to constantly keep repeatin’ myself…” he leaves the implicated threat hanging in the air between you two. Swallowing what remains of your now virtually non existent pride: You sit up straight and lean forward slightly, making sure to hold eye contact while he spoke. As the one sided conversation progresses and you inevitably begin to feel the need to either scoff or mouth off, you lightly bite your tounge. When the need to roll your eyes seems irresistible you make sure to blink a few times.

Bakugou and his ego always seem to have a way of destroying any sort of illusion that he is anything other than a self-righteous narcissist. Well, now he’s YOUR self-righteous narcissist…CORRECTION; You cant think like that anymore….from now on he’s….daddy.

The thought accompanies a brief pang in your metaphorical gut, is it regret? Maybe guilt? You aren’t sure.

“-Last ones, your still paying attention right princess?”.

Hearing his question has your eyes immediately snapping back into focus. You take in the handsome (but grumpy) face in front of you, nervously wondering when exactly he’d invaded your personal space.

“Y-Yes daddy, I’m listening to you” you stutter slightly, now noticing he’s actually kneeling on the mattress with you.

“So every day I expect you to do your absolute best” now with each statement he leans further into you, “You’re always going to remember how much daddy cares about you”. He presses a large hand against your chest, forcing your back down against the pillows behind you. “Realize that daddy always knows what’s best for you” both hands now rest on either side of you, effectively caging you in.

“You’ll always know that you can rely on daddy, and will trust him one hundred percent of the time”.

The intensity of his crimson stare has your face burning up, and heart rapidly pounding in your chest. It’s now taking a serious amount of conscious effort to keep your eyes locked with his. “Any questions? Comments?…..concerns?” he puts an emphasis on that last word, wolffish grin firmly in place.

Shaking your head apparently wasn’t a good enough answer because its followed with a stern; “Use your words princess, you either say: Yes daddy or No daddy….understood?”.

“I understand daddy….I’ll follow your rules daddy” you reply, embarrassment evident at having to repeat the unfamiliar word.

“You sure? It’s not like you to have absolutely nothing to say” he’s testing you, you’ll play into it this time.

“Well if you insist…..I do have a question, just one” at this his eyes instantly narrow and you could have sworn you’d seen a few stray sparks emit from his palms.

“Would it be too much to ask daddy if he wouldn’t mind kissing me again?”

🌆

Euphie checks her phone for the eigth time since she’d last texted you over forty-five minutes ago. Why weren’t you responding? Maybe she really had pushed you too far this time….A large hand comes to rest over her much smaller one, at this she finally sets her phone facedown on the table with a sigh.

“She wont stay angry with you forever, her and Bakubro might be having such a good time together that she’s forgotten all about her phone” Kirishima tries his best to reassure with his usual smile. The sudden wide eyed, dead pan stare he gets in return whipes that smile from his now reddening face. He’s realized far too late at what his words seem to of implied.

“I didn’t mean it like that! Really! I promise I didn’t! M’sorry”. Seeing the red head this flustered is so adorable, his companion cant help but giggle.

“I know Eji, dont worry about it”.

Entrusting your care to Bakugou was fine: He cares about you almost as much as she herself does. If she wasn’t certain how genuine the boy’s feelings toward you were, none of this would ever have happened.

Yeah, everything is going to be just fine….You’ll thank her one day.

💥

Bakugou’s crimson gaze is way too intense while roaming over the female laying down on his bed. Having her completely bare, and spread out before him is an accomplishment he shamelessly contragulates himself for. She’s getting self conscious now: Delicate hands come up to cover her chest, and plush thighs press together in an attempt to hide the drooling mess kept between them. It’s all or naught though as her legs are suddenly wrenched apart, and each wrist is now pinned above her head, held in just a single one of his hands.

“Nu-uh princess, no hiding….keep those legs open…wanna see all of you” condescending words only seem to widen his feral grin.

Seeing his cock now freed from its previously strained confinements as its looms above you, standing tall, has your leaky little hole twitching. The smooth inner walls inside repeatedly clenching in anticipation. Bakugou trails a finger from clit to slit as he hums in approval.

“What’s this hah? Such a fuckin’ mess your makin’ down here”

“S-Sorry daddy…I cant help it…Just want you so bad…dont wanna wait any longer…Please dont make me wait more” a soft roll of your hips accompanies your pleading whines. Your continuous begging for his cock has that monster stirring in him again, he has to forcibly push the dark thoughts away before addressing you again.

“If I dont prep you then-“ you interrupt him.

“It’s fine! I can take it, please just take me…” he notices your moment of hesitation before you lock eyes with him while adding “make it hurt”.

You’re just so fucking bold!

Trying to make demands, disguised as requests! Its so cute he cant help but caress your cheek before bestowing upon you the last gentle kiss you’ll get until he’s throughly DESTROYED you for anyone else.

“Dont ever fucking tell me what to do again” he growls before slamming his hips forward.

He’s buried balls deep inside you: Your initial gasp at the sudden intrusion, now morphs into a silent scream that has a you arching up off the mattress.

“Got that you greedy little slut? See what happens?” He taunts through gritted teeth.

Your cunt squeezing and spasming around his cock feels incredible, to the point he has to busy himself with sucking harshly on your neck to keep from releasing desperate whimpers of his own.

“I can take it…please move….m’sorry daddy…please don’ be mad a’me….”

“M’not mad at you baby….s’okay” He manages to reassure you through his clenched jaw. He finally starts to move inside of you, desperately trying so hard to take it easy on you. All precedent falls apart when your legs wrap around his waist, now he’s digging you out.

“Y’okay?” He rasps while continuously ravaging your tight cunt.

“M-mm-more than okay” you stutter.

“Taking my cock so well baby girl….Fucking hell!” His lewd compliment causing your insides to involuntarily clench.

“Deeper! Deeper!” You plead.

Katsuki thought you’d preferred his shallow thrusts, but if you really wanted your guts rearranged he’d be pleased to make it happen. He grabs one of your legs, placing it up on his broad shoulder, while the other remains curled around his hip. Straightening up he smirks down at you, before delivering a harsh slap to your clit. Now beginning to rapidly piston his hips while taunting you: “What did I tell you earlier hah? Answer me dammit!”.

His hot hand comes down on your inner thigh and you cry out: “N-Not supposed t-to tell y-you what to d-do!”. It shouldn’t be possible for you to be squeezing him even tighter, but somehow you do. That can mean only one thing… “Gonna cum aren’t you princess? I can feel ya choking the life outta my cock”.

A pathetic whine accompanies your vigorous head nods and he growls in response: “You.better.fucking.not” a thrust accompanying each word, “Y’dont fuckin’ listen, shouldn’t let ya cum at all with how you keep misbehavin’, better start fuckin’ beggin”.

Horrified at the thought, you fight through the fog permeating your brain and force movement out of your lolling tounge.

“P-please daddy, I’ll b-be good from now on if y-you’ll just let me c-cum! Y-you’re just making me feel so good daddy, no one’s ever made me feel this i-incredible before” your panting breaths making it too difficult to continue speaking. Even if he doesn’t believe it, your words are entirely true, this is the first time you can ever recall feeling like this during sex. A foreign sensation is making its way into your gut, your limbs are moving of their own accord, you cant think straight when you manage to speak next: “Its too much! Too big, Too deep, Too intense! I c-cant take anymore please make it stop!”.

“Stop? Oh fuck no princess, after all this lip you’ve been giving me, you think I’m gonna let you tap out like a little bitch? Think again” his thumb begins to rub harsh circles against your clit. “We’re not stopping until you cream all over my cock like a nasty girl like you is supposed to, then you’re gonna do it again when I blow my load inside this tight fucking cunt and you’ll scream my name while I fucking do it because this pussy is all mine! Got all that you fucking whore?”.

“Yes daddy” you whimper, face screwed up in tight concentration as he finally pushes you over the edge. Your eyes fly open as you blindly search for his hand, gripping it tightly in attempts to anchor yourself in reality as a sudden rush of dopamine floods your brain. White hot pleasure seemingly overwhelming every single nerve in your body, making your legs shiver as you faintly hear yourself calling out his name repeatedly. Katsuki is the only thing you know in this strange foreign place: This comforting warmth suddenly invades your tummy, continuously being pumped inside you while you moan at the newfound sensation.

A pair of strong arms wind themselves around you, pulling you closer, making you feel safe, at ease, loved?

“Come…back…..come back to me” he’s calling for you. Your soul had to of vacated your body; You feel Weightless, you’re floating, “Daddy?”. Suddenly you start sinking, and without warning your body jolts, “Katsuki?!”.

“M’right here princess, daddy’s got you….Disappeared on me for a lil while” his familiar voice is grounding. His fingers card gently through your hair, and for the very first time you’re seeing a “Soft” side to this so easily angered man. Sighing contentedly you snuggle into his chest, letting his caramel scented sweat overwhelm your senses.

“I really like this”

“Hah?! That’s all you have to say?!”

Ah there he goes, moment ruined, illusion shattered.

“I’m sorry. But I’m not entirely coherent just yet…you uh…you kinda did a number on me there” you mutter sheepishly, making an attempt to escape his embrace. Its immediately thwarted, and your pulled right back against his chest. “Ah fuck…knew I shoulda just made you wait and prepped you properly….Sorry about that, guess I just got caught up in everything”. Surely hell has frozen over: Katsuki Bakugou just not only admitted a possible wrong doing, but APOLGIZED for it as well!

“Ive wanted to do this with you for so long: Fuck you, hold you, be with you, and I fucked it up! Just like I always seem to fucking do, I-“

“Daddy” your voice effectively silences his self-depreciating rant. His hand begins to gently run up and down your back as he mumbles a “Yes princess?”.

You lean back slightly, tilting your head up so those cute doe eyes can stare up into his, the smile your wearing makes his chest tighten.

“M’not hurt, sore but not damaged….I wasn’t referring to my body, I meant you did a number on my mind…Besides I asked for it remember? I’ve wanted this for a long time too, so I got impatient…Please dont berate yourself, lets just enjoy this moment as the first of many now…Kay?”.

That’s right, you’re his now; Along with the opportunity to care for and make sure to correct you…he’ll be able to do this with you again. You had given yourself to him after all, so he can have you as many times as he wants, whenever he wants! He’s far too occupied with his lewd thoughts to care about the foreboding darkness thats begun to emerge from its confines within his skull.

You don’t remember falling asleep but Katsuki gently prods you awake: “Baby…wake up, Its dinner time…I made food for us…c’mon princess you need to eat”.

You whine, attempting to burrow further beneath the blankets, “Not hungryyyy...wanna sleep more!”.

“Dont make daddy ask you again, you wont like what happens”.

Not interested in ruining such a wonderful night, you begrudgingly sit up. Noticing he’s seated at his desk, with a large steaming bowl set infront of him. You slide out of bed, standing up and realizing you’re naked, but strangely not embarrassed by it.

“Here” he tosses you a shirt, “Now c’mere, hurry up before it gets cold!”. Pulling his shirt over your head as you pad over to him and take a seat on his lap. Noticing the single spoon and bowl has you looking at him with genuine curiosity. “Since you like actin like a damn baby so much, figured I’d continue treatin’ you like one” his words make you grin sheepishly again, and you hold out your hand expectantly waiting for him to hand you the spoon….he doesn’t.

Taking an impressive spoonful of the steaming food he then proceeds to blow on it before bringing it up to your lips.

“Say ahh, brat”.

“Wha-?”

Taking advantage of the opportunity, he shoves the spoon into your open mouth. Of course it tastes amazing, but he doesn’t plan on keeping this up right? WRONG!

Repeating the pattern of giving you a bite and then taking one himself.

“I can feed myself y’know…” you mutter growing increasingly flustered at the insulting action but more so the fact that its making you feel….excited?

“I dont think you can princess….I always hear Euphie bitchin at ya for skipping breakfast or to hurry up and come eat dinner” pausing to feed himself, then repositioning the now loaded spoon back infront of you before continuing.

“That shit ends today, gonna teach ya how important it is to take care of yourself, and if you wont? Then I guess daddy will have to do it for ya”.

You’re squirming in his lap by the time you accept the last bite,swallowing thickly before making an attempt at vaulting off his lap. Large hands immediately snag you around the middle before your feet even touch the ground.

“No, No, thats not how we do things around here, where the fuck are your manners?” he slips a hand between your clenched thighs to move them apart, and then brings a slap down to the inside of each. You dont even know why he’d done that and the shock is evident on your face. “You like when I baby ya, dont lie to me LITTLE girl”.

“No I-“

“What’s this then?” he quickly interupts while holding up the palm he’d previously slapped you with. Glimmering in the low light is your sticky arousal coating his palm.

“Sorry” your voice is barely audible as you hang your head in shame.

“Mhm sure you are…Here I am being a good care taker to you and what did you do? Sat there thinking all kinds of nasty things while I spoon feed you, you really are a fuckin depraved slut aren’t you princess?”

You bite your lip as your eyes start to water,still refusing to look up and far too embarrassed to respond. A finger beneath your chin forces your head up and his breath hitches when he notices tears getting ready to fall. A malicious smile now turns his lips upward as he cups your cheek, “Look at that…shes about to start crying and all because of what? Cuz you just exposed yourself for being the depraved little slut you are?”.

“NO! No im not I-“.

“You are” his grip tightens painfully on your jaw, pulling your face forward so its now just an inch away from his own, “And I fuckin’ love it”. Then he’s surging forward pressing his lips against yours; Forcing his tongue into your mouth, hand coming around to grip the back of your head. Your lungs are on fire while his hand slips under your shirt to harshly grope at your chest. Clawing his forearms is finally enough to get his attention and he reluctantly pulls away. You’ve just barely began catching your breath when he suddenly stands up, keeping a firm grip on your ass to carry you, before dropping you onto the bed.

“Take that off and-“

*knock knock knock*

The sudden knocking followed abruptly by Kirishima’s muffled shouting, startles both you and Katsuki, and the rattling door knob has you immediately springing into action.

“Hey we brought back desert to share with you guys! So just meet us at my room whenever you feel like it, Euphie’s changing her clothes and then she’ll be there too, we’re gonna watch a movie if you two wanna join us!”.

He must have heard Bakugou’s standard non-committal grunt in response, because you hear his retreating footsteps trail off down the hall.

Grabbing your skirt out from underneath the bed, you stand back up.

Just as you’d gotten to your feet your immediately pushed face first onto the mattress. A sweaty hand takes hold of your hip in a bruising grip, while the other delivers a sharp pinch to your ass cheek. Yelping in response to the sudden harsh yank of your hair that proceeds a whisper of:

“You didn’t really think I would let you off that easy did you? Your fuckin’ cake can wait brat, we’re done when I fuckin say we are, got it?”.

✨

A/N: I hope this chapter was to everyone’s liking, I’m actually kind of nervous to post it but 🤷🏼‍♀️ Chapter 3 has a fair amount of smut in it as well so look forward to that. I’m hoping to get another one shot up for “A man of his word” this week, if you like extreme Yandere Bakugou check that out. I have one penned but it needs to be typed up.

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