#I’m in mourning about the direction this manga is going | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

takamikeiigos · 10 months

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Idk if you remember but in the scene before hawks goes under cover he’s like “even if it means corrupting myself” NOW HEAR ME OUT, HEAR ME OUT. What if his s/o takes his place instead, the events don’t have to happen exactly like in the manga, you could probably just make up a whole diff kind of undercover scene thing, but I’m just in for the drama/ emotional turmoil that hawks goes through when his s/o is injured a in a mission he was supposed to take PLUS!! Not being there to save/help his s/o 🙏🏼🙏🏼

picture: me, poking my head out from around a corner, full of anxiety

i'm so sorry i've neglected you guys life is wild and hit me all at one time and writing seemed so exhausting and aaaaaaaa

but i'm feeling the angst tn so let's talk ab it!!!

Hawks would be so quick to take on the burden of corrupting himself for the sake of others, but the minute you even breathe the idea of the roles being reversed and you being in that situation, he would be so angry.

He's quick to object during the meeting with the commission - immediately losing his cool and slamming his hands on the table, his chair scraping against the hardwood floor as he abruptly stands. His wings are splayed out to their full span, feathers ruffled and standing on end as anger and vexation betray his normally calm demeanor, all the while Madam President sits there with her stony expression, his name spoken from her lips with disdain and disapproval.

"Keigo -"

"No. Absolutely not." He spits in outrage, his words dripping with venom as he leans across the table minutely as if to intimidate the her. She leans back in her chair, unaffected by his outburst, and instead he directs his attention to you in attempt to get through to someone, anyone.

"You're not going. End of discussion. We're done here."

"We're very far from done, Keigo. Sit down, or you'll be taken off of this mission entirely, following with a suspension." The President follows bluntly, seemingly bored of his tantrum. She gives him a moment to seethe, his eyes boring holes into her with utter distaste and resentment, and it's your calming touch upon his arm that brings him back a couple notches, a shuddering sigh pushing past his lips.

He brushes your touch away and sits back down.

You try not to let the dismissal affect you, bringing your hands to rest in your lap as you maintain your composure.

"It would be an honor to dedicate everything I have to this mission, if it means saving our people."

Hawks keeps silent for the rest of the meeting, being the first to leave once it's over. When you attempt to seek him out after it's all said and done, he's nowhere to be found.

You aren't allowed to talk about any details regarding the mission to anyone besides Madam President, herself. It's high risk, and any potential exposure could cause months of cautious planning and undercover work to fall apart.

You're kept apart from your friends, family, and fellow heros for the sake of their safety, aside from the few meetings regarding steps moving forward in the mission.

The months drag by in a haze of stress, anger, and budding loneliness, but you manage to keep yourself distracted by throwing yourself into your work, delving deep behind enemy lines and forming a budding trust that you'll soon betray.

It gets hard - as you fall into some sense of familiarity and routine with the enemy, coming to recognize and understand their quirks (literally and figuratively) and routines as genuine human beings. It almost makes you feel bad, hearing about small details of their lives and the many chapters they've written for themselves, and you find yourself up one night, sobbing in the quiet darkness of your room, mourning any sense of self you used to have.

Little do these people - the enemy that has begun treating you like family - know that your betrayal inches closer every day. It eats you alive every second.

You're in the thick of it, adrenaline pumping heavy through your veins as the raid begins. You'd given the last of your intel over to the commission over the course of the evening, having been up all night planning a course of action.

The plan, which should have been seamless - meaning no unnecessary deaths - is beginning to fall apart. Where you were supposed to catch the enemy off-guard and ease into a quick arrest, you're suddenly found in a much messier situation. You're the one who ends up being caught blind, held at knife-point by someone you'd grown relatively close to over the past few months.

She's seething with hurt and anger, her long blonde hair framing her face as she bares her weight against you, the sharp edge of her blade pressed firmly against the hollow of your throat.

"Why?" She cries out, desperate for some sort of explanation. For some act of redemption from you.

Your struggle to keep your composure, swallowing thickly against the lump in your throat and the blade against your skin.

"I had no choice, I-"

"We were your family! For months we were your family. We trusted you and you.." she's crying, you notice, crystalline tears against reddened cheeks portraying her newfound distrust. "Was any of it real?"

You choke on a reply and distantly hear commotion coming through the comms. Hawks is yelling, his voice muffled and crackled with interference, and though part of you is relieved to hear his voice after so long, you can't help the sense of panic that begins to overtake you.

The door to the room busts open suddenly and the police force enters with their guns drawn, trained on the woman that stands before you. The one you'd once called, well, a friend.

For a moment you think she's given in to her fate, her blade lowering as she takes in the officers behind her. But in her own blind panic and rage she takes one last moment to size you up, her emotion speaking louder than the task force yelling behind her, and the searing pain of her knife plunging deep between your ribs is enough to drown out the echo of a handgun being fired.

You blink rapidly, trying to come to your senses as you lean heavily against the wall, your hand instinctively coming to rest against the fresh wound between your ribs in attempt to stem the blood flow. You look down to assess the damage done, only to find the crumpled body of your temporary companion on the floor before you, her body unmoving in a slow-building pool of her own blood.

Time stops.

You fall to your knees, reaching a hand out to gently shake her.

It's fine. She's fine. She's.. fine. Right?

Right..?

"Hey.." You choke out, a garbled sound that bubbles from deep within your chest. "Hey, wake up. It's okay, we're okay."

But she isn't moving, and the panic in your chest begins to turn into despair, and you clutch her prone body close to yours in some sort of attempt to protect what was already lost.

"What did you do?" Your own voice is unrecognizable as you snarl up at the officers, emotion catching in your throat as tears begin to make themselves known. "She wasn't going to hurt anybody, she.. she.."

At that moment Hawks comes running into the room, stopping short in shock at the scene before him. He takes one look at you - a feral, broken little thing as you clutch the body of the enemy in your arms, and his facial expression becomes one of understanding.

"Hey now, songbird-" he tries softly, as if not to escalate the situation at hand, but is cut off by your sudden wailing and screaming.

"What did you do? You killed her! She's dead and you killed her and she didn't deserve it, I.."

You don't realize Hawks is at your side, kneeling down and wrapping his arms around you, gentle but firm all the same. He begins pulling you away from the lifeless body before you and you put up a fight, kicking and screaming and crying and clawing and so desperate to do something, anything, to fix the mistake that cost a life.

"Shh, shh. Hey now," he whispers to you, pulling you close despite every hand and elbow you throw against him. "It's okay. It's gonna be okay."

"How can it possibly be okay?" The words come from you in an anguished sob as you fall back against him, the fight leaving your body, your limbs growing heavy and your eyes growing tired. You watch as the medics enter the room, kneeling down to examine the soulless body that lies before you, confirming that there's no pulse and that she's no longer alive.

"How can it be okay when I killed her?"

Recovery comes to you slowly. Mentally, that is.

Recovery girl was able to do quick patchwork on you, leaving you with a small scar just below your left breast and some sore ribs. But the days continue to pass in a blur, your brain struggling to keep up with the continuous onslaught of questions from the police force and commission.

You hadn't remembered much past the police rushing into the room during the raid, and Hawks decided to take it upon himself to remind you, mindful enough to leave out the gruesome details. But over the course of a few days it comes back to you in bits and pieces, bogging you down with a heavy weight on your chest that leaves you breathless.

Still, you carry on, and despite being on temporary leave you're still called to answer questions at press conferences. You know it's standard procedure, especially in cases where deaths are involved, and your force yourself to switch over to autopilot for the sake of whatever mental stability you have left just to get through the week.

Hawks finds you in your apartment one day, having flown in through the balcony window you always leave unlocked just for him, almost shocked at the sight of you curled up in a ball beneath the spray of your shower. The water has turned cold, soaking your still-clothed form to the bone with a deep chill, and he turns the water off without any hesitation. Through your dissociated reverie you can feel the warmth of a towel being wrapped around your shoulders, strong arms lifting your from the cold porcelain of the tub and guiding you to your room.

He wastes no time in shedding you from your sopping wet clothes, tossing them into the hamper to deal with later before dressing you in something much warmer.

He guides you into bed, wrapping his arms and wings around you in attempt to console your distraught and torn frame, his fingers gently brushing through your hair as he presses soft and promising kisses to the top of your head.

"I'm here," he whispers softly to you, the gentle rasp of his voice dampening the despair that consumes you. "Whatever you need, I'm here."

And for once, in the quiet darkness of your bedroom, you aren't alone while your sobs echo throughout the room.

#hahahaha wow #im surprised i actually finished this #im so so so sorry im a pos and this is so late #keigo takami #hawks #bnha hawks #bnha keigo takami #keigo takami x reader #hawks x reader #mha hawks #ky writes #keigo takami headcanons #angst

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gatoraid · 5 months

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mourning rites 👀

Hi anon! This is like the only WIP I have a proper title for (I’m so bad with titles sobb), and ironically probably also the one that is going to take the longest for me to actually finish because I need to a lot of reading to get the details right.

Mourning Rites is an AU set in the early 20th century Beijing/Beiping where Esen is the heir of some prestigious military family and dies in action. His step-brother Baoxiang returns home from Europe where he's been studying, to deal with the funeral and other family affairs. He soon finds out that their family servant Ouyang was in love with (and probably having an affair) with Esen, and they end up having an affair of their own together.

The setting has been heavily inspired by Winter Begonia and all the postwar-era BL manga I've been reading, I just love that early 20th century aesthetic combining western and traditional influences. I’m also super fascinated by different traditions surrounding funerals and death and mourning. The main mood for the story is "mourning but make it sexy" and I have a ton of sex scenes planned lmao.

A small snippet:

When Esen died, Ouyang had been stripped off his privileges as a favored servant and companion. Even the private rooms he had been given were taken from him. It reminded Baoxiang too much of how he himself had been made to watch as the things precious to him were taken from him and destroyed. He knew what it was like to be humiliated like that.

Even now, Ouyang’s eyes were piercing into him in defiance, saying ”You don’t know what it’s like, you were not here.”

But he did know. He did understand.

And here's a bonus that is not very spicy but still putting it behind the cut:

The door was slightly ajar, so he could see only a sliver inside the room. In dim candlelight, Baoxiang could make out the outline of Ouyang. He was facing the opposite direction from the door, so he did not notice Baoxiang at the door. He was breathing heavily, erratically, his shoulders moving in a motion Baoxiang could understand more than well enough. He stepped back, his back against the wall beside the door.

Standing still, he could still hear the soft sound of Ouyang’s strained breathing and clothes rustling. He knew he should have gone back to his rooms and forget he ever saw this, but there was something enticing at the thought of the ever-cold Ouyang doing something so heated. Before he could stop himself, Baoxiang leaned in to take another peek.

Most of Ouyang’s body was obscured by the door and the darkness surrounding him, but Baoxiang didn’t need to see much to imagine the rest. But he also saw something he had not seen the first time. In his other hand, Ouyang was holding a framed photograph. Even in the dim lighting, Baoxiang could recognize the picture of his brother.

He realized he wasn’t surprised, but something about the revelation, the way Ouyang held onto Esen’s portrait still shook him to his core. A part of him wanted to step back, but he realized he couldn’t.

WIP ask game

#thanks for playing!#fanfic stuff #ouyang/baoxiang #the radiant emperor #asks #can you tell this is a passion project for me

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seeingteacupsindragons · 1 year

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A long time ago now, there was a fair amount of kerfuffle on twitter about “Do you have to read in order to be able to write?” I saw a lot of takes that there were other ways to learn craft.

And there are. But I’m still going to argue that you almost have to be exposed to the medium you’re creating in to be good at it (if you don’t want to be good at it, that’s cool, too, have fun!). You have to expose yourself to it, observe it, engage in it. That specific medium. Not others.

There are lots of ways to learn the craft of storytelling. Anime, manga, comic books, webcomics, graphic novels, comic strips, movies, live action TV, cartoons, short films, poetry, screenplays, stage plays (both on the page and on the stage), opera, ballet, music, newsreels, creative nonfiction, podcasts, video games, tabletop gaming, role plays, let’s plays…the list is basically endless, and they all teach various elements of storytelling.

And a lot of them overlap! You can definitely get inspiration for your novel from anime and movies and podcasts. There are still character ideas and worldbuilding concepts and structure you can gather from them.

But if you’re trying to write prose fiction, you need to learn how to express those ideas in prose fiction. And the only way to do that is by…reading and studying prose fiction.

There used to be a Thing in a lot of fanfiction that characters would “sweat-drop.” This was pretty obviously taken from anime and manga, where the little raindrop marker on a character’s head indicates…oh, I would say the closest word is probably usually chagrin. And that works in anime and manga!

It…kind of doesn’t work in prose fiction. It looks weird, only means something to a very limited subset of people, and it’s just kinda awkward. There’s other ways in prose to indicate that emotion, but it’s not described in manga the way it will be in prose, because manga isn’t prose.

If you’re watching a movie and the leitmotif starts playing in a minor key, you start anticipating something tragic will happen. It brings out mournfulness and anticipation and fear, oftentimes. But in a novel, if a character says, “It was as if minor chords started playing,” …grief isn’t really the feeling a reader gets. In prose, that same concept reads as cheeky and genre-aware and leaning on the fourth wall. It’s amusing, and even if it tells readers to anticipate a certain thing, they aren’t going to be in the same mood as they will be from hearing it. It just doesn’t translate that way.

There are other ways in prose fiction to built mournfulness and fear. And you won’t learn what they are if you don’t read it.

I had some classmates, back when I was taking a screenwriting class, who you could tell were prose fiction writers and not great at adapting to the new format, probably because they were so new to it and hadn’t ever even really read it. So we would get stage directions that would read like, “Tonkan script covers the pillar in the center of the room. The Tonkan people haven’t been seen in a thousand years and their language was lost long ago. They’re mainly known for their weaponry left behind in their ruins…”

And that’s…great, for prose fiction (it’s not because I came up with it in a minute and don’t care about it). But in screenwriting? None of that means anything and it’s a useless dump of info in the screenwriting. In screenwriting, that usually looks more like, “Tonkan script, a lost language made of sharp angles and edges, mostly squares and rectangles, covers the pillar in the center of the room. A camera pans over it. SEAN’s eyes widen at the sight.” Because that actually indicates what’s going to be on screen in the movie. That includes the relevant details to the format. The former? Not so much.

And finding time for reading can be really hard. I get that. I don’t read as much as I’d like to, either.

But it’s critical, to learn a craft, to actually engage with that craft. It has its own unique methods and techniques and secrets that you have to know to produce it well.

Maybe it’s frustrating. But creating well is hard sometimes! It’s a still that takes a lot of time and effort! It should be appreciated.

#writing

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haleigh-sloth · 2 years

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Hello! I apologize if you've been asked this before, but do you think Mister Compress will come back during the final battle? I figured if the whole League is to be saved, he might be there just so he can get his shot. But that makes me wonder who would save him too.

Hello!

Good news! We already know that Mr. Compress will be back!

His manga profile page in volume 30 literally says “He’ll be back.” Lmao, like thank you Horikoshi for saving us the trouble of wondering. Really. (Not sarcasm, I’m serious)

I can’t find the translated page of his profile online and I don’t have my volume 30 on hand, so I can’t show you sadly. But I promise it’s there.

As for saving him:

So, Compress is not like the rest of the League. He’s quite different in a lot of ways!

He’s not portrayed to be immature and severely out of touch with his emotions, mental state, and circumstances.

We do not have a lot of information about him aside from his family lineage. He’s very separated from the rest of the League in the sense that he is not shown to be struggling internally with anything, wrestling past demons, or fighting against himself and looking for salvation in anyway. Of course this could change once he shows up again—I’m just going off of what we know and what we’ve seen to date.

Does need to be “saved?” Based on what we have, I’m really not sure. For reasons listed above. Does he need a reality check in a way? Yes—he’s supporting a destructive path that harms the people his family lineage worked to provide for (stealing from the rich, redistributing to the poor). He’s not exactly living up to what his infamous grandfather accomplished.

I don’t expect his personal conflicts to be a huge deal—but I do absolutely expect him to see the situation at hand and reflect, and change.

I pointed out how he’s different because he doesn’t seem to lack a “sense of self” like the rest of the League does.

Shigaraki has all but succumbed to AFO’s careful constructing of his current persona—destruction incarnate, incapable of creating a future, born to kill and being mourning into the world. Only a little part of him is left still holding onto hope, keeping him present and afloat in the possession—and we are currently seeing THAT last sliver of him left start to deteriorate.

Toga tries to reject the idea that she’s miserable, put onto her by Curious. Tries to tell herself that her normal is exactly what she wants in life. Well, it’s not. We’ve seen her break that belief several times by chasing after the same UA kids she latched onto the moment she met them.

Touya won’t face this fact, but he desperately wants reconciliation with his family. A lot like early Shouto, he hasn’t been able to create his own identity outside of his dad and do something for himself with it because he thinks the people who were supposed to love him no matter what, moved on from him. Just like Shouto was able to do that after facing himself through his fight with Midoriya, and then facing his mom, Touya should be able to do the same thing through Shouto and then facing his family.

Spinner needs an identity. Period. His identity right now is “Shigaraki’s follower”, and as a result of that he is now AFO’s follower. He needs to look past the “weakness” society assigned to him and find his own purpose.

Kurogiri needs to remember who he is at his base—the person who didn’t leave anyone behind. He already kind of is like that as Kurogiri, toward Shigaraki. But he needs one more push in that direction in order to really fight for Shigaraki’s sake, and by extension everyone else’s too—and I predict that push will be from Aizawa.

Compress? I mean it’s mostly because he’s less of a fleshed out character, but he doesn’t have those issues.

What the other League members’ issues all have in common is that—in the circumstances of this story—their resolution relies on the influence and intervention of other characters. Meaning the way the story has chosen to resolve their issues is by making them dependent on someone else to help them face and resolve their problems.

Compress does not really have that type of situation. SO FAR—he isn’t shown to be spiraling or losing himself to his personal demons and needing to be picked back up. He seems to be well in control—just in need of some serious reflection on his and the League’s actions.

So all of that to say—I think Compress will partake in the foreshadowed redeeming acts of the League along with them, and he’ll be fine that way. I also think it’s possible that because he’s in presumably the same hospital as Kurogiri, he can help on the front with Shigaraki in a way as well. Possibly.

#I do actually love that we know compress will be back #takes a load off lol #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha asks #anonymous #sako atsuhiro #mr compress

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cursedwriter · 3 years

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Dancing with your Ghost - Fushiguro Megumi

Jujutsu Kaisen Masterlist

Warnings: Deals with death, Megumi has various breakdowns, it’s just really sad over all... sorry for making you cry in advance!

Words: 4.9k

Author’s Note: Kind of inspired by this song: Dancing with your Ghost - Sasha Sloan // Also, when they dance, I kinda imagined them to dance to this: Technicolour Beat - Oh Wonder

“Is he still in there?” Yuji pointed at the door by the end of the hallway. Gojo was walking in his direction, his expression unreadable.

“No matter what I tell him, he won’t come out.” His voice sounded tired, almost worn out. The sight must’ve been hard for him to bear. Itadori gulped. He wasn’t sure if he could take it. “You should try talking to him. Maybe he will listen to you. We both know he would regret it if he missed the ceremony.” Gojo patted Yuji on the shoulder, hand lingering for a few additional seconds in silent comfort.

“I’ll try my best,” Itadori nodded, though, he sounded more hopeful than he was. This was going to be rough.

Soon after, Gojo disappeared behind the corner and out of sight. His shoulders were slouching and his head was hanging low as if he couldn’t walk upright. This was hard on everyone. But the person who had it the worst of all was…

“Fushiguro, can I come in?” Yuji knocked on the door three times. No answer. He tried again. This time more forceful. “Hey, Megumi! It’s me, Yuji! Do you mind if I come in?” Still no answer. Itadori sighed, but he pushed the door open anyways, peering into the dimly lit library of the Jujutsu Tech High school. Admittedly, he’s never been in here before. Yuji wasn’t really the non-fiction reader… or anything that wasn’t manga, really. But upon entering the room, he couldn’t help but gawk. The shelves were stacked to the max, piling up above his head in a seemingly endless supply of books. There were books everywhere. The amount of knowledge that was stored in here was immense. And all about curses and jujutsu? Incredible! Maybe he should’ve come here sooner. He bet that there had to be at least a dozen books about Sukuna here somewhere.

“It doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t make any sense.” Itadori was pulled out of his thoughts by the repetitive mantra that was coming from somewhere behind a shelf. He followed the sound that was mingled with quiet sobs and he had to force himself to keep walking. This was more terrifying than facing all the curses of this world together.

“Megumi?” He peered around the shelf, finding his friend sitting on the old wooden floor, frantically flipping through a book with yellowed pages that seemed to be falling apart at the seams. It must’ve been ancient.

“No sense, no sense, no sense,” he repeated over and over again as if that phrase was the only thing keeping him sane.

“Megumi?” Itadori tried again and finally Megumi’s head snapped up and he looked at Itadori like a deer caught in headlights… only way worse. His eyes were bloodshot with dark purple circles underneath them. A stark contrast to his sickly pale skin. Briefly, Yuji wondered if Megumi had slept at all since it happened. Tears were streaming down his face and it felt like they would never stop. An endless river of sorrow and despair. Yuji was sure he heard his own heart shatter in his chest as he looked at his best friend. He wished he could take some of the pain away. Even if it was just a little, but of course that was impossible. “The ceremony will start soon and-“

“That’s stupid!” Fushiguro cut him off harshly, his voice hoarse and quieter than usual. “Why would there be a freaking ceremony when she’s coming back?!”

“Megumi, she-“

“No! Stop it!” He yelled, throwing the book he was reading against the opposite wall. “Stop it! Shut up!” He pressed his palms against his temples as if he wanted to crush his own skull. “I’ll do it, you’ll see! All of you! You’ll see! I’ll bring her back! I’ll bring her back, okay?! I will – I will!” He repeated it over and over again and it was apparent that he wanted to proof himself right more than anything else. Maybe making him believe would help ease his pain? Should he encourage him? No. Despite wishing that he could provide some words of comfort right now, Itadori knew that false hope would be the cruelest thing he could offer. No matter how much it hurt, but Megumi couldn’t go on like this… searching for something that wasn’t real.

“Megumi, please. You’ll regret it if you don’t come,” Itadori tried again, picking up the book that Megumi had thrown away. He flipped through the first pages and he could already tell that the answers Megumi was searching for weren’t in this book. It was mostly about how sorcerers could reincarnate as curses if their dead bodies weren’t handled properly. If they died you had to make sure that the last hit was infused with cursed energy. Usually, that took care of things. However, if they died of natural causes, diseases or accidents there was a special ritual, a ceremony that made sure their bodies were put to rest accordingly. Kind of like a funeral, but then again, not quite. This was the ceremony Fushiguro refused to attend, even though it was highly valued among sorcerers. It was a way to pay your last respects, value their accomplishments and thank them for their sacrifice. He probably refused to go because that would make her death final and he would be forced to move on, no matter how hard it would be… and it was going to be very hard.

“SHE’S COMING BACK, DAMMIT!” Megumi yelled at him, reaching for another book that was stocked in a pile he’d built himself. The tower crumbled with the way he yanked it out, dozen books falling to the ground, scattering to their feet. It was eerily quiet for a second, Yuji didn’t dare to speak. The atmosphere so thick, he doubted even Maki’s demon blade could cut through it. And then, right when he wanted to say something, anything really to get rid of the suffocating silence in the room, Megumi started sobbing. Not like before. Impossibly, it was even worse. His whole body shook with the action, hands that were clinging onto the book were trembling and despite him hanging his head low, Yuji could see the frequent tears that were hitting the old worn out pages of the book, blurring the ink further, making it almost unreadable.

Hesitantly, he took a step forward, but he wasn’t quite sure what to do. Should he hug him? What could he even say? Should he call for someone? Gojo-sensei? Would he know what to do? Or Nobara? Or, wait! Y/N always knew what to do when it came to him… Oh, right…

Yuji slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand. How could he forget?! It really didn’t feel real yet, huh? Itadori tried to swallow the big lump in his throat as he crouched down and gently took the book out of Fushiguro’s shaking hands. He looked so fragile, as if a single slap to the wrist could break his arm.

“I just don’t get it,” Megumi whispered. His voice sounded far away, as if he was underwater or as if Yuji had cotton in his ears, muffling his voice to a point where it was almost incomprehensible. “It’s just so unfair.”

Yuji placed the book on the ground beside him, skipping over the title “Resurrection and the balance of the world”, it read. He gulped again. Could it be possible?

“I know it is.” He laid a comforting hand on his shoulder and another muffled cry escaped Megumi’s mouth. Yuji had seen a lot over the course of just one year, but not once has he witnessed such utter despair. The sight pulled on his heart strings in ways he couldn’t even explain.

“She fought against the most heinous creatures every day and you’re telling me she died because some fucking asshole thought it was a good idea to drive while being absolutely shit faced?!” Some of his words were swallowed by his sobs, but Itadori understood him well enough. “I refuse to believe that! I refuse to accept that!”

Momentarily Itadori was thrown back to the moment they got the call, he remembered it all too vividly. The shock, the confusion and his scream…

“I’m sorry for your loss,” the nurse led them into the room. The air was chilly and it smelled like disinfectant. The stench so unbelievably strong, Megumi thought he might throw up. It burned in his eyes and nose and he distantly felt his cheeks getting wet. He couldn’t tell if it was because of the smell or of what was to come… at this point, it still felt like a sick joke, some twisted game or prank. Just not real, like a dream, a nightmare he would wake up from any second.

There was a single bed in the middle of the room, the body underneath covered by a white cloth. Gojo, Nobara and Yuji gathered around it, hands clutched together in front of them as if they were silently praying. Megumi hesitated. He stood in the doorframe, looking at the scene in front of him and nothing seemed to make sense anymore. Everyone was crying. Even Gojo seemed more tense than usual and he was sure he saw a stray tear slip from underneath his sunglasses.

The room was silent, except for the door falling shut behind him as the nurse left them to mourn in peace. This was a dream, right? A nightmare? How could it be anything else?

Megumi’s footsteps echoed off the walls as he hesitantly approached the bed covered in white sheets.

This is just a dream. This is a nightmare. You’re going to wake up any second now. Just wake up. Wake up! Wake up, dammit!

But he didn’t wake up. Not even as he reached for the white cloth. And he didn’t wake up as he slowly lifted it up. He didn’t wake up when everyone sucked in a sharp breath. And he didn’t wake up as Nobara’s knees buckled and she fell to the ground sobbing. He didn’t wake up as he laid his eyes on your peaceful but lifeless face.

Megumi didn’t wake up. But God did he wish he did.

He stood there for what felt like an eternity. Studying your features. How your hair was softly flowing on the pillow, how your lips were slightly parted as if you would wake up at any given moment and tell him something important. But he also noticed that your cheeks lacked their signature pinkish tint and your lips were more blue than their usual vibrant red.

His hand inched closer to your face, connecting to your cheeks and adoringly caressing it. It was cold underneath his touch. Your skin feeling more like wax than it felt alive.

No one said anything, the only sound was Nobara’s quiet sobs that she tried to stiffle to the best of her abilities. Everyone watched Megumi and no one knew what to do. Neither of them has ever felt so helpless. Even Gojo was rendered speechless at the heartbreaking sight in front of him.

And then, everything slowly started to sink in…

She’s gone. She’s gone. She’s really gone! You’re not waking up! Why aren’t you waking up?! Wake up!! No, no, no. This can’t happen. This can’t happen. This isn’t happening! Tell me this isn’t happening?!

Didn’t I just talk to her this morning? Didn’t we talk about going to the beach as soon as it got warmer? Didn’t we make dinner plans? Didn’t she boast about a new recipe she wanted to try? Didn’t this just happen? And you’re telling me that all of that is just… gone? Just like that? In a moments notice… poof?! Evaporated into thin air? You’re telling me that?

“Wake up, dammit! Wake up, dammit! WAKE UP!”

Everyone stared helplessly at Fushiguro. At first no one knew if he was talking to himself or you, but then he started desperately shaking your shoulders, repeating the words over and over again. “We wanted to go to the beach, remember? You told me you couldn’t wait! Come back, and I’ll drive us right now! Come back! Come back to me, please! Please!”

Gojo couldn’t bear the sight anymore. The way he shook your body as if that would change anything. With a few long strides he closed the distance between him and Megumi and pulled him away from the bed. He was thrashing at him, screaming in his face to let him go, but Gojo didn’t listen. He gladly took a hit or two if that meant Fushiguro could get at least some of his frustration out of his body. To Gojo, the room itself was a hard place to be in – for obvious reasons. The energy here made him feel uneasy and on edge. The amount of cursed energy gushing out of Megumi was immense and almost unbearable. He had to get his emotions in check or else…

Megumi continued to yell and thrash. “Let me go, you bastard! Let me go! I need to see her! I need to see her!”

“I understand that this is hard for you, but you need to calm down!” Gojo’s voice was stern. This was probably the first time ever that he actually put on the façade of a responsible adult. Nobara and Yuji watched the two with wide eyes, but didn’t interfere otherwise. “If you keep this up, you might end up cursing her! Do you want that?!”

“Let me go! Let me go!” Megumi wasn’t listening.

“Megumi, snap out of it!” Gojo’s palm connected to Megumi’s cheek, his flesh burning hot where it had connected. For a moment, the room was silent again. Only Megumi’s labored breaths broke through the thick tension.

“You bastard!” Megumi launched himself at Gojo with all his strength, but that was exactly what Gojo intended. It was better if he directed all his energy towards him than having it leak out of him uncontrollably. Otherwise he had the potential of manifesting a new special grade curse that neither one of them wanted to deal with, especially if you were to be reborn as said curse.

Megumi stopped his relentless attacks, knees buckling under his weight as a single agony filled screamed echoed off the walls…

Megumi slowly opened his eyes. His head was aching, blood soaring in his ears. What happened? He looked around himself. The room was dark, only illuminated by the moon light that peered through his partially closed blinds. He was laying in his bed, the room a mess just like he remembered. That was unlike him. Well, ever since that day he hasn’t been himself at all. Now, he more or less felt like an empty shell, existing but not alive.

He groaned, sitting up while he rubbed his temples, hoping to get the relentless throbbing to stop. Ah, that’s right. A few flashes of the previous events reminded him of what had happened. Megumi’s frustration and anger had gotten the best of him and he started throwing books, ripping them out of their shelves and even tearing some of them apart when he couldn’t find the answers he was looking for. Yuji had to call for Gojo and he in turn had knocked him unconscious.

Megumi huffed. Great. Now he was probably not permitted to go to the library again. He should really start thinking before lashing out like this. No, matter, though. If push comes to shove he’d find a way in and if it’s the last thing he did. He didn’t really care anymore anyways. What’s the worst that could happen? Expulsion? That was nothing.

He peeled the covers back, his shirt sticking to his body uncomfortably. Maybe he should take a shower before he went back again.

Reluctantly, he got up and walked towards his bathroom, mindful not to trip on anything that was scattered on his floor.

Once he was there, he turned the shower faucet on, letting the water heat up while he stripped out of his clothes. His head was still killing him and his whole body ached. He shivered, even as he got into the shower and the hot water burned his skin. He was still cold. For some reason he didn’t seem to be able to get warm anymore, as if you took all of his warmth with you, when you left him.

“Ew, stop doing that,” you laughed wholeheartedly as Megumi shook his wet hair in your face after coming out of the shower. “Seriously, are you a dog?”

“No, but I love hearing you laugh.” Megumi wrapped his arms around you, pressing your back against his naked chest as you both watched your reflection in the mirror. “I really love you, Y/N. So much,” he whispered in your ear, not taking his eyes off the mirror. He could see the faint blush on your cheeks and he placed a soft kiss to the nape of your neck to emphasize his words.

“I love you, too.” The smile on your lips and the way your eyes sparkled with joy, filled his heart with warmth and light. He could bask in it for all eternity and he would never get tired of it.

Megumi turned the water off, still shivering. It was to no use. His skin was burning red, though, and the whole room was filled with steam and yet, he had goosebumps all over his body. His teeth started clattering as he dried himself and he put on new clothes.

The clock on his bedside table told him that it was three in the morning. He felt like he forgot about something… something important. What was it again?

And then his eyes widened in shock. No, no, no.

“Hey, look!” Megumi felt your slender fingers wrap around his wrist, your warmth immediately warming his cold skin. You tugged him gently and he followed you. It didn’t take long for you to reach your desired destination and you stopped, eyes shining with awe in them as you watched over the city, lights sparkling and illuminating the darkness. Megumi couldn’t deny that the view was breathtaking, but he couldn’t keep his eyes from constantly looking at you instead. The way your face lit up, the way the lights danced on your face and how your cheeks were always tinted in their usual pinkish color, made him fall for you all over again. His heart hammered in his chest and his pulse picked up. Butterflies assaulting his stomach in the best way imaginable and he felt like he was floating above ground. Never has he felt so happy. “There! It’s starting!” You beamed at him as the first flash of light painted the night sky in a bright blue color, then it changed to red and then green. The sound of other fireworks being set off rang through the otherwise silent night. Here, on top of the mountain away from anyone, it was the most peaceful place he could imagine. But he wasn’t sure if it was only because of the view and the fact that no one was around or if it was because you were here. Whatever it was, he didn’t dream to fight it. The feeling so foreign yet so welcomed.

Suddenly your hand appeared in his line of vision and he didn’t hesitate to take it. What he didn’t expect was you starting to spin around. It took him a moment to catch up. “C’mon, Megumi, what are you doing? Don’t just stand there so stiffly! Dance with me!” You urged him on and Megumi felt his cheeks heating up in embarrassment. He could only hope that you couldn’t see it.

“There’s no music, though,” he said, trying to find an excuse to not make a complete fool out of himself. You see, Megumi wasn’t a dancer. Give him a choreographed fighting formation and he could do that no problem, but moving his feet to the rhythm of a song? Nope. That was sure to end in him tripping over his own feet and in the worst case break his leg or arm.

You rolled your eyes at him, but instead of saying anything, you reached into your back pocket to get a hold of your phone. It didn’t take long and the sound of the fireworks was mixed with the soft tune of a song that he didn’t know. “Better?”

Well, not really… Megumi scratched the back of his head, unsure. Better to come clean, I guess. “You see… I can’t really dance… like at all,” Megumi stammered.

“So what? I can’t dance either,” you laughed, spinning around and jumping up and down like it was the most normal thing to do. The smile on your face never faltered and you did another spin, throwing your hands up in the air, moving them around awkwardly. Megumi couldn’t help but laugh at your awkward movements. You looked so silly, it was hilarious. “See? Now it’s only fair that you make a fool out of yourself, too. You can’t leave me hanging like this!”

What the hell, right? Megumi started moving his feet, still super stiffly and anything but graceful, but he did it. He looked at you, following your movements and it didn’t take him long to get the hang of it… well, somewhat at least. He still looked really awkward and helpless, so you reached both your hands out for him again and he grabbed them without hesitation, just like before. You started spinning both of you in circles, giggling at the way his face lit up slightly. He joined your laughter, looking at you with the most adoring smile in the world. It felt… so easy. Everything with you felt so easy.

So now it was just the both of you, spinning around in fast circles, laughing at the night sky filled with stars while in the distance the sound of fireworks slowly died down. The music playing softly in the background, but you didn’t even care that the rhythm of the song didn’t match with your movements at all. Nothing mattered in that moment. Just the two of you. Together. Forever.

“Ah, I was wondering when you’d show up.” Gojo scratched the back of his neck, smiling apologetically. “Maybe I was a bit too rough, when I knocked you out. Sorry about that.”

Megumi stared at him sitting in the front row of lined up chairs. The room was only dimly lit by the candles at the other end. The soft light they cast illuminated a picture of you in a black frame. It was the same one he had saved as his phone background. Megumi gulped, feet moving on their own as he approached Gojo, though, he felt his knees wobble unsteadily. The air became thicker and thicker with every other step he took. It felt excruciatingly hard to breathe. It was suffocating.

Megumi sat down on a chair next to Gojo, forcing himself to tear his eyes off the framed picture in front of him. If he didn’t he was afraid he might break down again. So he shifted his attention to the man in the chair next to him. He was already looking at him, his eyes hidden behind his sunglasses, as usual. There was a slight frown in his features, though, and his mouth was pressed into a thin line, a stark contrast to his normally giddy self. So Gojo could be serious, huh? Who would’ve thought? Bet you would’ve loved to see him like that…

“Megumi,” Gojo broke the silence first, his tone soft, but there was a certain sternness behind it that Megumi didn’t know he had until now. It left no room for interpretation. This was going to be a serious talk and Fushiguro didn’t know if he was ready for that yet. “I know that losing someone you care about is not easy and I’m not trying to pretend that I know exactly what you’re going through right now, but I’m telling you as your sensei and as a friend… you have to move on. And that means you have to stop looking for ways to bring her back.”

Megumi opened his mouth to tell him off, but Gojo just held a finger up to show him he wasn’t done yet. The crease between Megumi’s brows deepened, but he kept his mouth shut regardless. “The world works under a few distinct principles. Rules that cannot be broken, if you will. Like we know that after the sun sets, dawn will come. With darkness, there is light and no matter how harsh a winter might be, spring will always come next. And the pinnacle of those rules will always be that with life there comes death. We don’t get to choose when this’ll be or how it’ll happen, but from the moment we’re born we know without a doubt that we’ll have to leave this place at some point. Death is certain. It’s but one part of life and disrupting that cycle, breaking one of the unbreakable rules, would cause the whole system to fall apart. It would level the ground for mayhem and destruction, nothing would make sense anymore. The world would crumble. As sorcerers you know that we protect the ones who cannot protect themselves, but we also maintain balance and Megumi… while I do understand your desire to see her again, I have to warn you… even if there is a chance, I won’t let you do it at the expense of everyone else’s life.”

Silence fell between them again. Megumi had a hard time believing that these words really just came out of Gojo’s mouth. Deep down, he knew he was right. He knew it was a futile plan to bring you back. It was selfish and irresponsible, but he was so… desperate. So desperate to hear your voice again, so desperate to listen to you laugh or complain, so desperate to feel your delicate and warm touch on his cold skin. He was so desperate for these things; he couldn’t think straight. His mind felt foreign to him without you there. He didn’t know who he was, who he would be without you by his side. He didn’t know if he wanted to be in this world anymore with his source of warmth and comfort gone. They said, time healed all wounds but as of now that seemed impossible. Just a thing people told themselves to keep moving forward. A lie that was supposed to protect oneself from the cruel and harsh truth that the world didn’t stop spinning, that time passed by and that dawn always came… no matter what. The world moved forward regardless if you were here or not and it felt like a cruel joke to him. Nothing seemed the same. He didn’t recognize anything, looking at the world with different eyes. How could there be a world without you in it? Why was everyone moving forward while he was left behind? And how could they? How could they move on? Why didn’t the world stop spinning? It should. Because nothing felt right. Nothing was the same. And yet… that only held true for him.

Megumi wiped away his silent tears with the sleeve of his shirt. “But I didn’t even get to say goodbye,” he croaked out. It was the first thing that came to his mind. He replayed the morning with you over and over again and he couldn’t remember if he said goodbye to you when you left that fateful day. Did he? Did he not? In any case, he would’ve never thought how final of a farewell it would’ve been in the end. “I don’t even remember the last thing I said to her,” he sobbed.

He felt beyond guilty for not being able to recall it clearly. Did he say ‘I love you’? Did you say it back? He wanted to believe he did, but he just wasn’t sure and it drove him insane.

“She knew that you loved her very much, Megumi. I’m sure she knew until the very end.” Gojo patted his shoulder a few times, before he got up. “Take all the time you need.” He left the room, closing the door behind him, but not before he turned around one last time, looking at Megumi with worried eyes. “But remember, Megumi… You have to move on eventually, no matter how hard it is. For her sake and your own… Just know that you have people in your life that you can rely on any time, okay?”

Megumi nodded and Gojo let the door fall shut behind him. The silence that ensued was almost deafening. Finally, Megumi let his tears fall freely, sobbing like a child and sucking in air after shallow breaths.

Everything hurt with you gone. How could he ever move on? How could he ever love again? Megumi was scared he might break in half. How much pain could someone even bear? Though, deep down he knew that he didn’t have a choice… He had to try. And he would try his hardest to keep moving forward, holding on to that tiny glimpse of hope that one day he’d see you again. And when he did, he swore to himself to never stop telling you how much he loved you. Always and forever.

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goldenkamuyhunting · 3 years

Text

Ramblings and crazy theory time about GK chap 297 “Escape from Goryokaku”

So we begin this chapter with some words of wisdom.

Yeah, as Tsurumi gets close you’ll better advance in a direction opposite to the one he’s coming from... as fast as you can. And now let’s start with the chapter.

Hum… I normally don’t care much about the line on the title pages as, in manga, they’re often not the work of the author but of the editor, and that’s why they often end up removed in the volume version but I’ll do an exception for this one.

“We have prevailed at 203 Meter Hill and the Siege of Port Arthur. We are the 7th Division, the strongest in the entire army!!”

Why I’ll make an exception for this one? Well, for start because it hints how the 7th division is winning. The other reason is something I’ll discuss at the end of this meta.

So, we’ve gotten to the point where only the north entrance is still standing, bravely protected by Sofia and her men. Sofia even shows she shares Sugimoto’s love for unconventional weapons by beating Japanese with the butt of the rifle when they get too close.

I wish she had something big to use but whatever.

Anyway, as the Japanese soldiers are forced to realize she’s no weak woman one of them try to stop her by throwing at her a grenade from behind. Sofia though is not just a fearsome fighter but also a beloved leader. Three of her men, in a desperate attempt to shield her place themselves between her and the grenade.

It works in the sense she’s unhurt although her men all die in a rather gruesome way. Sofia has no time to mourn them as she has to continue fighting though.

I guess this might trace a parallel with Hijikata, protected by Toni Anji.

It’s meaningful though how the blood trailing from Sofia’s cheecks resembles tears. She doesn’t have the time to cry for her men but it doesn’t mean she isn’t suffering.

Still, a side of me wish she hadn’t joined this battle, not in this way. Her original goal was to improve Russia. Instead now she’s following Kiroranke and Wilk’s plan and planning to immigrate in an Hokkaido they hadn’t conqueered yet from Japan, to build strenght there and then go back to Russia.

While the plan could make sense for Kiro or Wilk whose priority was to save minorities and their lifestyle and, once gotten this, they could stop, for her things are different as her aim isn’t a far eastern federation but the improvement of the whole Russia, overthrowing monarchy so that they’ll be able to modernize the country.

Creating a far eastern federation would take a lot of time and effort, it’s not something that can be done quickly. By the time they’ll accomplish it, they might be too old to go back to Russia and fight effectively for it and would have to hope in the new generations to do so.

However new generations born in Hokkaido would identify Hokkaido as their home country and not feel prone to fight for Russia.

So, basically, to fulfill Wilk and Kiro’s dreams (and likely help Asirpa of whom she’s protective) she’s neglecting her own and involving her own men who’re following her out of love in this mess, joining forces with Hijikata who’s basically using them as his army as he doesn’t really have one of his own.

So, while I’m glad to see Sofia in action and on the same side as Asirpa... the more this attack goes on and her and her men are merely used as cannon fodder to stop Tsurumi’s troops, the less I’m satisfied to see them all being used as disposable mob characters. But I’ll discuss of this later on.

Outside of Goryokaku common people is wondering what in the world is going on there. I can’t even suggest them to go call the police as the biggest authority in Hokkaido, the 7th division, is involved in the attack.

As they speculate a rider walks past them, it’s Nagakura, running to help Hijikata.

But, finally, this long battle might start to see its end.

A stable in the north side of the forth burst into flames, drawing everyone’s attention. It’s Shiraishi’s signal he and Asirpa are going to try to escape… but it’s also our clue that Hijikata’s forces are losing since Shiraishi sees as safer to leave the fort.

Sugimoto tells Hijikata they should retreat too, regroup and come back later. He belives since they got rid of a bunch of Tsurumi’s men, if they regroup they might still have a chance.

Hijikata seems doubtful. Honestly I am as well. Given time, Tsurumi can ask for reinforcements from Asahikawa. Hijikata’s group doesn’t have such luxury.

If they leave him the fort, the fort and, what’s more important, the gold are lost.

Sure, Tsurumi might have troubles finding the gold as he doesn’t know where it is, but Hijikata’s group wouldn’t be able to go there again and steal it from him without him not knowing. They should hope Tsurumi would believe the gold really didn’t exist in the first place and there was only the land deed and leave the fort.

Besides Hijikata wanted to defend the fort and either win or die trying so I’m not sure he’ll be okay retreating even if there would be a chance to reconqueer it and the gold.

Meanwhile Koito got smart enough to understand the fire might be a diversion for Sugimoto’s group to try to escape and warns his soldiers about it… though he believes they won’t manage to try and swim across the moat, so as not to risk damaging the land deed.

There’s someone who’s smarter than Koito though, Tsurumi, who, despite Tsukishima asking him if he wants to investigate the stables, from the fire likely guessed the situation and where Asirpa should be and started to run there.

Meanwhile Shiraishi is trying to escape on a horse, dressed as a 7th soldier, a large back on his back, telling to the soldiers who try to stop him he has a urgent message, so they should let him through. Shiraishi is good at this sort of things but, unluckily for him, Koito arrives right then and as he knows and recognizes him, he orders his soldiers to stop him, though warns them not to shoot him as he thinks Asirpa and the land deed are inside the bad Shiraishi is carrying.

On a personal note I think it’s nice Koito doesn’t want his soldiers to shoot a child. It shows he has a basic moral standing.

Shiraishi reaches the bridge but new soldiers come across it and Koito manages to cut the bag away from his back, causing it to dangle on the handrail of the bridge.

It seems all lost when Nagakura comes to rescue, easily getting rid of the men of the 7th because Nagakura is just that awesome.

Meanwhile the bag is about to slip into the moat.

I don’t know why Shiraishi doesn’t try to take advantage of Koito being busy with Nagakura to try and retrieve it. While we’re told the bag doesn’t contain Asirpa nor the land deed, the bag has in it the ropes Shiraishi plans to use to have Asirpa, who doesn’t really know how to swim well as she said she can swim only where she touches with her feet, swim across the moat, the land deed not really risking to get damaged as they had means to protect it.

Shiraishi though, gives up on retrieving the bag and thinks Asirpa should try swimming the moat on her own which… really doesn’t work well for me but whatever.

Meanwhile Asirpa, checking the situation with the binoculars, see that Toni Anji is dead. It’s a big blow for her, Noda tries to drive it home by showing as if her body is turning into water...

...a trick he used also when he showed Asirpa dealing with Ariko’s apparent death and Boutarou...

I really hope he’s not trying to drive my girl insane with all those shocks.

Meanwhile Shiraishi isn’t coming but someone else much more dangerous is, Tsurumi, who has just located Asirpa, is running toward her, forcing her to escape.

Back to the south entrance we can see that Nagakura is ready to face Koito in a battle I really want to see as they should both be awesome sword fighters, both specialized in a powerful fighting style.

Although I’m sure if one of the two will die, that one won’t be Koito, I’ll confess I’m gonna cheer for Nagakura. It’s interesting how Nagakura is calling Koito a ‘potato samurai’. Is he looking down on him or trying to get a rise from him? We’ll discover in the next chapter.

So now this is the point where I go back to the line at the beginning… which is that, in the end I get the feeling that, more than the 7th division winning against Hijikata’s forces, this battle is a reiteration of ‘the Japanese are stronger than the Russians’ (we had something like that when 4 Japanese beat up the Russians at the stenka… and then it turned out the strongest stenka fighter they had was actually a Japanese as well, Gansoku) and therefore it feels less that the 7th has gained the victory and more than the 7th had to win to show that Japanese are better than Russian to its Japanese audience.

But the story behind all this might be a little more complicate than that.

Noda likely always intended Hijikata’s forces to have a big, great battle against Tsurumi’s forces only… by the time we reached this chapter, Hijikata had no real forces to speak of, which would be a huge oversight on Hijikata’s part as he knew sooner or later he would have to fight the 7th… one that would make no sense but that might have come to be due to changes in the plot.

In fact if we jump far, far in the past, we started the story with Hijikata trying to recruit men. We’ve Ushiyama and Nagakura yes, but later we’ll see him with 8 men of his own, trying to recruit Shibukawa Zenjirou so as to get him and his whole crew to join them.

In short Hijikata knew he would have needed more men to do what he planned to do and it can entirely be that, in the original plans for the story, Hijikata was meant to recruit more and more men so as to have him too an army to oppose to Tsurumi or Central. Things with Shibukawa didn’t work out, because we were meant to see Hijikata in actions, but it’s entirely possible Hijikata was meant to incorporate in his ranks the whole Hidoro gang and, possibly Kusuda’s gang as well. In fact we see in Barato he will ultimately lead the Hidoro gang and both the Hidoro gang and the Kusuda gang will remain without a master.

As by this point we can see Hijikata is clearly meant to lose the battle here at Goryokaku in favour of a victory the 7th, it would have made sense an army composed by gang members who never fought in a real war and were motivated solely by greed and, possibly, a bit of hero worship for Hijikata, would lose.

Instead all he’ll recruit from the Hidoro gang are Kantarou and Kamezo, Ogata joining him on his own for his own purposes.

It’s not the only instance in which Hijikata doesn’t really collect men.

Hijikata will recruit Toni but he’ll only made use of his blind bandits gang at Noboribetsu, where it will be all murdered, Hijikata deploying Toni there for unclear reasons.

In his trip to Abashiri he’ll only recruit Kadokura, who was already on his side, not other convicts or guards who could now be enemies of the 7th as the latter tried to wipe them out.

He’ll recruit Kirawus out of luck, because the latter need money.

Youichirou will refuse to join him and prefer to die where he was.

He’ll recruit Ariko, also on shaky grounds (why Ariko? Who told him about Ariko’s father?) but apparently solely to steal the skins from Tsurumi and won’t try to have other Ainu, be them partisans or not, join his cause.

In short Hijikata acts like he never considers he would have to fight the whole of Tsurumi’s army sooner or later… but it can be in the original plan Hijikata was meant to be smarter than that, trying to collect men left and right as well, be they members from gangs, criminals, convicts, guards of Ainu. As said before, his forces wouldn’t be composed of elite soldiers but, at least, he would be able to count on a number of fighters to contrast Tsurumi.

Instead, hadn’t Sofia came to Hokkaido and decided to side with him, he might have risked attempting to defend Goryokaku against Tsurumi’s force with only Sugimoto, Shiraishi, Asirpa, Kirawus, Kadokura, Kantarou, Ushiyama, Toni and Nagakura. If we count him as well, a meager group 10 people, no matter how amazing they were, just couldn’t hold a candle against an army of more than 100 people. Defending Goryokaku in 10 would have been totally impossible.

So why painting Hijikata as this dumb or at least as this poorly organized?

Because handling Hijikata’s army would have been troublesome, story wise. We see how Noda even forgets for a while Toni’s men, showing only Toni in Hijikata’s ranks.

A huge number of mob characters tailing Hijikata or being at standby somewhere was likely unpractical to handle through the story. We see that from Barato come only Kantarou and Kamezo and Noda decided to kill Kamezo’s off pretty soon.

Hijikata’s smaller group, story wise is easier to handle and feel like a family. We know each member of the Hijikata squad, we love them and since they’re such a small number it’s the main characters we love who get to do the action, we don’t have mob characters trying to encircle Ostrog or capture Sekiya or things like that. While we read the story prior to this big fight, Hijikata’s small group of important characters feels perfect to narrate the story and enjoys the spotlight each time Hijikata moves. A huge group wouldn’t work equally as well.

What’s more the Ainu, which should have been one of the main parts in the conflict as the new republic of Ezo should have involved them and Asirpa was meant to be their leader and all the stuff, are actually completely cut out by it.

We only have 3 Ainu in Hijikata’s faction and their contribute to the battle is minimal.

Ariko remains behind, left for death but actually fine, Kirawus leaves Goryokaku to help with the cannon and enjoy his moment of glory helping sinking a destroyer and only gets some bruises and a broken leg, Asirpa is, as usual, not really involved in the battle.

It’s possible Noda considered including more Ainu in this conflict but then changed his mind because the battle would then shows us Wajin murdering Ainu all around, while Ainu try to murder Wajin back. And, ultimately, the 7th would win and kill them all or most of them. How would this feel to readers?

To see the 7th division, pride of Japan as it’s the strongest division of the Army, massacre Ainu?

How would this sentence feel if the ones murdered were Ainu?

“We have prevailed at 203 Meter Hill and the Siege of Port Arthur. We are the 7th Division, the strongest in the entire army!!”

And, at the same time, how would it feel to see the Ainu fight and murder the Japanese?

So Noda likely cut them out from the battle as well but ultimately couldn’t cut the battle.

So enter Sofia’s men, Russians, mob characters and red shirts.

Noda hardly bothered to characterize them. Only Mansur did have a bit of characterization and the same goes for Sofia, but her role as well is reduced as she feels more someone working under Hijikata than someone equal to him and the battle taking place where she is ultimately holds little interest, if we forget how she decides to stay there despite the danger and how her men protected her in this chapter, nothing really relevant happened. That’s because ultimately they’re only there to get killed… and the fact they’re Russian is convenient, because their loss, their death, won’t really impact on the readers in any possible way.

The Russian lose against the Japanese. Even though they actually were presented like tough guys, nothing can stand against the mighty Japanese and, although the 7th division is actually fighting for the wrong side, as the empathy level for those poor Russian is kept as low as possible by them being mob characters, the 7th massacring them all feels less impactful than the 7th massacring those Japanese guards at Abashiri.

The downside though, especially for a foreigner reader like me who’s not supposed to feel pride in the strength of the 7th division, is that the battle lacks of emotional impact. It has started in chap 285 and it will likely drags on for some more chapters so we are at more than 12 chapters and still going, where the battle of Abashiri lasted 9/10 chapters but Abashiri, between the two felt a lot more intriguing because there were extremely few pages spent on fights between mob characters and the most of the story focused on fights between relevant characters (Hijikata/Inudou, Sugimoto/Nikaidou) or on plot.

Even the fight between mob characters has a purpose there, it shows Tsurumi’s men shooting at guards that are willing to surrender, or Tsurumi being a tad too excited at murdering people and, anyway, it’s kept pretty short, especially in the magazine version (the volume version expanded it a bit). Here instead we’ve pages of soldiers getting shoot from both sides for no other reason than showing the violence of the conflict… but as most of them are mob characters… well this doesn’t really make for emotional scenes… and the conclusion of the battle, I fear, is going to feel weak as well, probably only saved by some important character’s death, like Hijikata’s and Nagakura’s, because we aren’t really invested in those mob characters and the idea that hey, the 7th division is so cool and strong, might be appealing for a Japanese reader but for a not Japanese one, the 7th is no better than Sofia’s army, a huge bunch of mob characters with whom we don’t empathize because they’re just mob characters.

Minions.

Villains as for us it’s easier to buy into Hijikata’s and Sofia’s narrative than in Tsurumi’s.

All this to criticize Noda?

No, not really.

All this is the unavoidable conclusion to technical problems created when you’re writing a serialized work.

If you correct the plot along the way so that it’ll work better, you’ll end up on stumbling on logic errors, like Hijikata not getting himself an army. Noda rather cleverly tried to provide an easy fix by handing him Sofia’s army… but he evidently didn’t have time to make it so that the patch used to cover the problem wouldn’t be visible.

He couldn’t get rid of the Goryokaku battle as well as it’s clearly important. It’s not just that the gold and the land deed are here, it provides closure for Toni and Nikaidou and probably for Nagakura and Hijikata. And since we’re at around the end of the story it makes sense it’s presented as a bigger deal than Abashiri, with Noda devoting more time on it.

So, to sum it up, Noda remains a great writer… but now he’s forced to deal with the problems of an endgame in a serialized series that, likely, was changed along the way. He’s trying to fix things so that the story will still work… but of course it’s not possible to fix everything smoothly and elegantly.

At least that’s my huge speculation on why to me, and to other people I talked with, this Goryokaku battle just feels less impressive than the Abashiri one, even though they both are pretty similar, big battles including mob characters (the 7th) versus other mob characters (the convicts and the guards). It’s likely a problem that’s not going to last long, as the battle/massacre is about to come to its end and, hopefully, the changes it suffered won’t impact with the remaining plot, allowing us to reach the ending without further complication.

We’ll see. See you at the next chapter!

#Golden Kamuy #Sofia #Nagakura Shinpachi #Tsurumi Tokushirou #Tsukishima Hajime #Koito Otonoshin #Sugimoto Saichi #Shiraishi Yoshitake #Hijikata Toshizou #Asirpa #Toni Anji #Golden Kamuy Ramblings and Theories

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twenty-qs · 3 years

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Ok guess what I have more thoughts abt the difference between how the anime and manga treat Itadori’s decision to swallow the finger. I think the manga version actually sets up a ton about Fushiguro and Itadori’s relationship that the anime couldn’t convey quite as well. Spoilers inbound!

So, in the anime, it was a pretty typical shounen protagonist type moment. Itadori chose to gain more power because otherwise everyone would die.

In the manga, the main difference is that Itadori was not actively in danger when he ate the finger, so it came off more like nomming on a French fry than, you know, selling your soul to the literal devil. Which, first of all, is hilarious.

But looking at the context a little more, it also casts his motivation in a slightly different light.

On the page before, here’s Fushiguro telling Itadori to run. It’s very rational advice. Fushiguro is a lot more calm here—I kind of get the impression that he was actually strong enough to beat that spirit, if he just had a second to catch his breath.

Fushiguro tells Itadori that he’s just getting in the way, that he doesn’t belong in the jujutsu world. And then Itadori has his epiphany and decides to eat the finger.

But this panel—the “you just seem like you wanna die anyway” panel. I could not stop thinking about it. Why does Itadori look at Fushi, this guy he’s known for like ten minutes, and immediately assume that Fushi is getting ready to die?

See, a major part of Fushi’s character arc is that he has this amazing, unstoppable power, but it’s a one time use and comes at the cost of his own life. Who knows when Fushi learned how to use that power, but it was probably really young. He’s always been functioning with this belief that, hey, he’s probably going to die, but at least he’ll be able to take down something terrible with him. It’s why he so often picks the sacrifice play; and I think it’s what Itadori senses from him here, even in Chapter 1. Maybe Fushi would’ve beaten the cursed spirit, maybe he wouldn’t have. Either way, he’s accepted his death as inevitable, and is willing to face it alone.

But Itadori has just seen death for the first time. He’s still in mourning for his grandpa, honestly, and is still grappling with the reality of death. Faced with this horrible version of death in the cursed spirit, he rejects it. He can’t accept a death like this, in himself or in other people. So even though his club friends are safe at this point, he sees Fushiguro being so ready to die violently and alone, and he decides he can’t let him do that. If swallowing the finger is what it takes to join the jujutsu world and save Fushiguro, then that’s what he’s gotta do. Ironically, though, swallowing the finger ends up putting a time limit on Itadori’s own life.

And that’s what kicks off their whole character arcs—every time Itadori risks his life to protect him, Fushiguro realizes a little more that he has value beyond what he can sacrifice. And every time Itadori falls deeper into the jujutsu world, he comes a little closer to facing death.

I’m probably reading way too much into this one panel because of my Itafushi goggles, but it’s just so cool how their character arcs kickstart each other and seem to be moving in opposite directions: Fushiguro learning how to live, and Itadori learning how to die a good death.

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen spoilers #jjk meta #itadori yuji #fushiguro megumi #itafushi #I love them both a lot ok

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nasaty · 3 years

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Noctilucence

Student Aizawa x (she/her) student reader, so much angssssttt and grief and a bunch of fluff. (Do not bring any pedo shit into my presence or I will fucking destroy you

MANGA SPOILERS until episode 107 comes out. - also this requires context that I am not providing from MHA manga and the arc with Aizawa in Vigilantes. TW: death. 9 part series.

Ch. 1 here | Ch. 4 here | Ch. 6 here

Ch. 5 the Mourning

As you got ready for school, usually a mundane task that took no effort, it required a lot more thought today.

‘How. How am I going to do this. How can I get through today. I can’t even get out of bed. I can’t stop crying. I don’t know what I’m going to do. What do I do. How is this real. How am I going to survive this. How.’

It had been two weeks since Oboro’s passing.

The school had allowed Oboro’s close friends to take some time off for mourning, and had hired counselors on staff for the students at school. They held a vigil last week. You decided you couldn’t go. You couldn’t stand to see them, to experience this, to make it real. You’ve been crumpled up in bed for almost two weeks straight, and had to return today.

‘How is this possible.’

Despite being a hero school, this was nowhere near a common occurrence. Not only were the students the top of the generation of new heros, they had pro heros backing them up at every step. The school never let the kids into any REAL dangerous situations knowingly. They didn’t KNOW this was going to be dangerous. You heard that Purple Highness and all of his sidekicks got knocked out by one of those villains. All Mights agency took care of most of the rest, (all might was not even in the country at the time, but he had many apprentices and sidekicks to do the job.) and they thought since Purple’s agency was well known and well maintained, they would have no problem. But this villain was different, much more powerful than the others the work studies encountered. And it killed Oboro.

You had to go to school today. Your time of ‘mourning’ was over. As if it could ever be over. The images of the helicopters coming in to assess the damage, the rubble, Hizashi and Aizawa with the medics, they all replayed, rushed through your head over and over, dizzying you. You hadn’t eaten in days, hadn’t slept since that horrible day. You could barely think and had to go back to school and try to experience life again.

None of your friends had reached out to you other than Hizashi that night. You didn’t take it personally, everyone was absolutely broken, you didn’t need to talk to them to know that. The CATfé chat was silent for the first time, and was for two weeks straight.

You dragged yourself out of bed, passed the counter where your parents had left a note with some pastries, ‘hope you feel better soon, we love you’ they wrote. As you took the note in your pocket for support, tears stinging your eyes, you made your way out the door.

You made your way through your classes in a daze, lazily taking down sorry excuses for notes and living through nightmares during the day. Your deskmate leaned over and whispered ‘are you okay?’ And you realized you were lost in thought.

You found yourself atop the steps to the roof during lunch hour. You stood there, swallowed the lump in your throat and took a shaky breath.

When you opened the door you were surprised to see Aizawa, more disheveled than usual, sitting on the bench with head in his hands and elbows on his knees. You thought he couldn’t hear your footsteps as you approached. He could.

Since you hadn’t seen or heard from any of your friends in what felt like a lifetime, you slowly and softly made your way over to the bench, and sat as far away from him as possible, to give him space. You could barely tell, but by hearing his breathing, you knew he noticed you were there.

The silence was deafening. You wanted to scream. Your heart hurt so much, and you couldn’t stand it, but on the outside you just sat completely still and stared into space for an unknowable amount of time.

Music started playing quietly, indicating that there was about 5 minutes left to lunch. Neither of you had eaten or said a word. You debated saying anything but couldn’t choke anything out. You both walked back to your classes in silence together. The rest of the day was a blur.

You went home, kicked off your shoes, and sat on the couch for some studying. Your house was always cold, so you brought over a blanket to snuggle in, and had some quiet music playing to distract you. You felt horrific.

Your stomach churning, you pulled out that note from your parents from this morning, made your way to the kitchen and ate a couple bites of a pastry. Even though they were your favorite, it tasted like despair somehow.

The next few weeks felt the same. You barely made it to school, sat in silence with Aizawa at lunch while he always left halfway through lunch to go do more training. Then you went home, tried to eat and ended up just sleeping. You exchanged a few supportive texts with Hizashi and Nemuri, both saying that they were here for you as you were there for them. After a while, you could force yourself to down something bland like some crackers or toast at lunch. You noticed Aizawa starting to eat in small amounts as well, though still leaving about halfway through lunch to go train more. It was obvious he was overworking himself.

One day, you had made chocolate covered strawberries the night before, (you liked to stress bake, but could hardly eat it,) so you brought a few to school with your lunch as it seemed tolerable at that point. You had noticed that for weeks, all Aizawa had been eating was chicken and rice, and hardly any of it. Your meals changed every day, though they were also bland, but you thought he might need a change.

You scooted slightly towards him, just enough so that you could nudge him gently with your elbow. He made the most quiet sound you’ve ever heard to reply, it sounded like it could’ve been all in your head. You point with your chopsticks at one of the strawberries. He turns his head slightly, still with his head in his hands like it had been for weeks as he had not looked up at you once this whole time. He turned back to his food, and you leaned in and placed a strawberry on his plate. What seemed like an impossibly faint smile appeared on his face and was gone in a flash. You ate your strawberries in silence together.

The next day, you came to lunch and sat with him as usual. Earlier that morning you had decided you were going to speak to him today, just a little, so you’d give him any support you could manage. Maybe that would help you feel less empty too.

“…um,’ you squeak out as quietly as possible, trying to not startle him. He didn’t flinch. His reaction (or lack there of) reminded you that he was a stealth hero and he most likely knew you were going to talk before you even did, just from your breathing.

“I know I don’t know how you feel…I only knew…him… for a short time…but I’m here for you. If you need to scream or cry or…break something, or if you need a hug or to just sit in silence, that’s what I’m here for.”

A minute or so go by with no reply.

“…silence is comforting…for me…”

You hummed in agreement and went back to your regular routine of sitting and eating quietly, in solidarity, but this time it felt a little lighter.

At the end of the lunch hour, he stood up as usual, but breathed a quiet ‘thank you’ in your direction as he walked away.

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superworldunkown · 3 years

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You’re My All Might

An: Daddy Bakugou x Kiara is back! I needed it after looking at that potential manga cover, ooof!!

Summary: Kiara is sick and Bakugou ain’t having it, someone get me All Might!!

Kiara was home sick. Her normally glowing brown skin that matched the beauty of her mothers was a greenish hue, and just like her father when he was under the weather, Kiara wasn’t happy about any of it.

“I wanna go to pweschool mommy.”

“You can’t baby,” You hushed while taking a tissue to your daughters dripping nose, “You don’t want to get all your friends sick do you? Besides, you get to spend the day with Daddy, how fun!”

“Daddy’s cranky!”

“Hah? And what are you! Damn brat.”

“Katsuki!”

“What!” He huffed while stuffing a piece of pancake into his mouth, “My only damn day off in weeks and you gotta go to work and Kiara’s sick as shit...” He grumbled something neither you or your daughter could understand while shoving more food in to his mouth.

You creeped up to your husband, placing gentle kisses on his cheek, “Please be good with her today. Maybe when I get home I’ll,” You whispered the rest into his ear, still delighted that after all the years you two were together you could still make your hotheaded husband blush like he did back when you were teenagers.

“Fine.” He grumbled while placing a peck onto your lips, “I get to pick the outfit though.”

“Deal.” You smile sweetly before walking over to your daughter and kissing her on the head. “Be good, Kiara. Don’t put Daddy through too much trouble today.”

You gave both of them one final rundown of Kiara’s medicine schedule, the dos and don’ts of the day, and a small chore list (much to Bakugou’s disliking) before you were out the door and off to work. Bakugou let out an annoyed sigh, staring at his daughter who was currently glaring daggers' in his direction. What happened to his sweet little three year old that was obssessed with him? Who the hell was this sick little monster in front of him?

Trying to appease his daughter he said, “Let’s eat breakfast in front of the TV.”

Kiara let out a growl of approval.

Setting his daughter down in the living room he brought her her breakfast and rested on the couch while she ate against the coffee table.

“Not hungry.” She groaned while pushing her plate across the wooden table and dramatically throwing her head back to stare at her father.

Bakugou let out an equally irritated groan while flipping through the channels, “You need to eat Kiara. You aren’t going to get better if you don’t eat your breakfast.” Was that true? He didn’t care. Maybe if she ate something she would be less of a pain. He loved his daughter, there as no question to that. But damn, she was really started to pick up on the bratty attitude he had as a kid. Maybe he should write an apology letter to his parents in hope to reset his karma before his daughter became a teenager.

Teenager?! He shuttered at the thought.

“I want Ice Cream Daddy.”

“Tch, thought you weren’t hungry.”

“Pleaseeee. I’m sicky.”

Bakugou smirked, “That shit may work with your mother but not with you, kid.”

Kiara let out another whine of disapproval. This one with the caliber to really do a number on Bakugou’s ear drums. Before he could respond his eyes snapped to the attention of the television. A familiar, jovial theme song of a former hero coming from the speaker.

“Don’t forget, this weekend is the All Night All Might Movie marathon, where we will be celebrating the former symbol of peace on the tenth anniversary of his retirement! Tune in at 8:00pm with all the details....”

“Daddy, whose-whose...All Might?”

Whose All Might?

Whose All Might?!

What the hell...

Bakugou turned to look at his daughter who seemed absolutely capivated with the former hero on the TV screen. Her face, despite the sickness coming from puffy cheeks and nose was glowing in awe as the highlight real of the hero’s glory days played on the screen. It was almost nostalgic; a mirror image of himself as a kid taking in the greatness that was his favorite (and still favorite) hero.

Her face dropped when the segment switched back to the regurly schedled boring programing.

“You wanna know who All Might is?” He asked. His daughter turned to him with a smile and a ferocious nod of her head.

Sitting upright from the couch he eyed his daughter, “Finish your breakfast. I’ll be back.”

He returned a few moments later with a box labeled, ‘Katsuki, keep the hell out!’ in bold marker. Kiara scooched over towards her father as he opened the box and pulled out a variety of All Might merchandise from his childhood. A blanket, a few action figures, and most importantly, DVDs. Taking one of silver disks he placed it in the device next to the television before settling back down on the couch. Kiara let out a high pitched squeal of delight as the all mighty All Might appeared on screen, flashing is smile and laugh as if he was speaking directly to her.

Kiara clutched the All Might action figured she now claimed as her own as she and her father watched the footage of All Mights most heroic rescues.

“Did you see that Daddy! He saved them!” Kiara pointed to the screen of a daring rescue while looking at her father.

“Mhmm, I see it.” He mused, trying to play down the stirring emotions of how absoltely thrilled his daughter was watching his idol while clutching the same action figure he held so closely as a child.

As the video ended Kiara looked back at her father, “Is there more Daddy?”

“Tch, is there more? He was the Symbol of peace for decades.” Noticing the confused face of his daughter he simply answered, “Yeah, Kid. There’s a lot more.”

Switching out the DVDs he scooped up his daughter and placed her on his lap while the two of them spent the morning watching the old videos. Kiara was enamored to say the least.

Bakugou decided to hold back on sharing that he knew All Might personally and was a mentor of his during his U.A years. He feared the small child would implode at the news her new favorite (second to him, of course) hero was her fathers mentor.

It was a fun time reliving his favorite memories with his daughter. However, when the video switched to All Mights final battle as a hero, the battle in Kamino, his body began to sink further in the couch.

“Daddy! Daddy! That looks like you!”

Bakugou didn’t even notice he was on the screen. He only appeared for a brief moment, blasting The League of Villains before the camera switched to All Might’s arrival.

The memories flooded back with a heaviness Bakugou was not prepared to wade through on his day off of all days. His breath hitched slightly, as he watched the flame of One For All slowly diminish in his mentor’s body with each passing hit and blow to that damn Boss Villain All For One.

“Daddy?” Kiara’s voice was soft, but strong enough to shake Bakugou out of the darkness of his mind, “Why are you sad?”

He hadn’t realized he was on the verge of tears until his daughter pointed it out. Making a stern face he reassured her, “I’m fine, kid. I’m just,” He didn’t know how to formulate it, nor did he know why he was telling his three year old daughter who was entirely too young to understand feelings like shame, guilt, and mourning, “He was a damn good hero, Kiara...He always won, he always saved everyone. I’m just...sad he’s not here anymore.”

Kiara looked deeply into her father’s sad eyes. Her own young mind attempting to put the pieces together in a way that she could articulate and understand, “But, you save Daddy. You win too.”

He looked up at her, tears still welling at the corner of his eyes as she continued. His little girl gave an enormously big smile, the smile she got from her damn mother. The one that swelled his heart so big he felt it was going to rip out of his chest in the most amazing of ways, “Daddy, you’re just like All Might,

You’re my All Might.”

Fuck.

His tears now fell freely from his red eyes. And he was positive his heart had moved up to the top of his throat. Pressing his daughter into a tight hug he rested his head on the top of her curly blonde hair.

“Fuck.” He breathed, still choking slightly on his words, “How the fuck did I get such a kind, kick ass kid like you baby?”

“Because Mommy.” Kiara answered simply, causing Bakugou to let out a small laugh.

“Yeah, I guess that’s right.”

He held his daughter for some time, not bothering to change the video as the credits rolled. Eventually he let his daughter loose enough to allow her to poke her head up from his chest.

“Still want that ice cream?” He asked while tenderly poking at her dribbling nose.

Her red eyes lit up again. Deciding to press her luck she asked, “Can I get two scoops?”

He smirked, “Sure kid. Whatever you want.”

“And, and...can I get the Deku Mint chocolate chip-”

“Don’t push it.”

#bakugou katsuki #bnha #bakugo #Kiara bakugou #domestic bakugou #bakudad #my hero academia #bakugou poc

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mobagehelllocal · 4 years

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“do you even lift bro?” ver ii - dire, divus, ashton

The previous ask you did for me was so hilarious! If you're up for it then can i request the same for Divus, Ashton and Crowley this time? The reader doesn't necessarily have to be their student she can be their co-worker. Thanks anyway:) -- from @blackstrawberrynightmare

A/N: Ah! Hello again! We should all thank @blackstrawberrynightmare who actually prompted the creation of this “do you even lift bro?” series! I’m genuinely surprised how popular my version of the “bridal carry” is! I just... tried to be funny. I don’t think I am funny though?? xD

For this one, I originally wanted to push for a very neutral reader so you couldn’t tell if it was a student or a teacher... but then I found it really funny how a teacher would react to being thrown into Twisted Wonderland... Also slight nsfw because Divus. (I was thirsty, I have no excuse.) ALSO! This one doesn’t have images because the teachers don’t appear in the manga... smh...

other versions: ver i (dorm leaders), ver ii (this), ver iii (leech twins, jamil, epel, rook, lilia)

When you first came to Twisted Wonderland--you were, at first, some glorified errand girl.

Which, to be fair, as someone who didn’t possess magic, totally made sense.

Then Grim got into an argument with Ace. They burnt a statue, Dire punished them (including you, at which point you felt like you had gone back to high school). Then Deuce happened, the chandelier got ruined, you were about to all get expelled (but you weren’t enrolled anyways? You would’ve refused that?). So you all high tail it to that magical cave, found a magic crystal and--

“Absolutely not.” you put your foot down. “I am an adult woman, and I refuse to go back to high school... or whatever this is. I don’t mind being an errand girl, but I refuse to be a student again.”

“But--” Grim protested, but your sharp glare made him flinch--and so did the ADeuce combo. They had seen you get furious before, and it was a lecture they wouldn’t want to repeat.

At that, Dire Crowley sighed in response.

“Well, what do you propose you do?”

You paused, you hadn’t expected the guy to listen to you. After all, he hadn’t let you get a word in since you got here anyways.

“Maybe... a teacher’s assistant job?”

“Or a secretary.” you offered.

He didn’t look convinced, so you decided to pull out your secret weapon.

"Imagine this Dire,” you had said, purposely using his name to get a point across--that you aren’t a child. “I can handle paperwork as long as magic isn’t involved.”

“Then you’re hired.” he immediately decided, to the gasps of the students in the office with you. You only smirked triumphantly.

So it seemed that hate for paperwork persisted across universes.

“Then what about me?” Dire peered at Grim through his mask.

“Well then, I suppose you can still sit in lectures provided, that you do your work well.”

So here you were, months later, as you followed him around like the dutiful secretary you were.

Dire was... a little air headed at times, but he mostly meant well. ‘Mostly’ because he often got you to take care of everything he couldn’t (didn’t want to) do. He did his best to be interactive and friendly with his students--which you could say was far better than most academic institutions back in your world. He was a person who was willing to listen, as long as you managed to keep him calm and tell him to pay attention.

But other than that--

‘He’s really like a bird’ you thought, as he fluttered about and inspected the mirrors.

“We’re done here.” He finally said, then turned to you.

His yellow eyes always felt as if they were staring deep into your soul, and you barely controlled a shudder at the way they glowed--before you looked down at the schedule in your hands.

“We’re going to double check the maintenance on going at the stadium,” you reported, he sighed a little.

“Oh how generous I am, to look into all these details so carefully...” he mourned, “yet there is no rest for someone as generous as I--”

“Sir, it’s your job.”

He proceeded to ignore you while he whined to himself. You could feel your sweat drop in response.

“You do have a break after this.”

He instantly cheered up on that.

“No, it’s not long enough to suntan in the Southern Islands.” you said, used to his moods. “but if we don’t carry on right now, you will never get a break.”

“Oh very well,” he sniffed, “I shall attend to this matter... because I am ever so generous.”

You rolled your eyes.

Once you had gotten to the stadium, Dire easily handled and fielded all the questions that were directed to him by the maintenance staff. As he finished speaking to the staff, he turned to you with a pointed look, and wide gold eyes.

“Oh, alright--” you had barely gotten the word out when you heard a snap from somewhere above, and a yell. You only got a brief glimpse, before you grabbed Dire (at which he let out a very undignified yelp) and darted out of the way as fast as you could. A long, metal beam fell in the spot you were originally in, and set up dust in the air. This makes both you and Dire cough, but you’re glad that you had managed to dodge it in time.

“Dire, are you okay?”

“I am fine,” he wheezed, a hand over his chest before he turned to you. You pulled your head back just in time to make sure his mask doesn’t poke your eyes out. “I--what--how are you carrying me?” he said, his voice shrill.

“It’s always been something I can do.” you shrugged, he was actually a pretty light guy--mask, coat and top hat included.

“I could’ve used magic.”

“Adrenaline rush?” you offered. “I just knew I had to move us as fast as possible.”

Dire stared at you with those unflinching yellow eyes, and you began to twitch nervously. You hated how it almost always feels like he never blinks... or something.

“Does this mean you could carry me to places this whole time--”

“--! You’re seriously going with that?” you complained, as you fell onto your knees, the adrenaline rush having left you. He squeaked in surprise at the sudden drop, but he does look at you with concern.

“Are you alright?” there was a worried tone in his voice and you nodded.

“Give me a moment.” He nodded slowly, and he reached a hand to rub at your back, which helped steady your breathing. You tried not to look at him, as you knew you’d be faced with that unnerving stare of his.

It always felt like it was trying to figure you out--understand you--as if you’re some great mystery, when you feel like an open book.

“Why don’t you take a time off today?” Dire suddenly said.

“What?” You looked up to shoot him a look. “You’ll use it to slack!”

“Absolutely not.” he sounded offended. “I take my job very seriously.”

“Then I’ll take my job seriously.”

“You do not seem fine.” Dire insisted, yellow eyes fixed upon your own. “Since you graciously saved me, I shall graciously allow you to have some time off, dear secretary--because I am super duper gracious after all.”

You rolled your eyes, but you laced your fingers together to stop your shaking.

Dire was...

kind. Actually pretty empathetic and sensitive--but he just sometimes chose not to intervene. If he pushed you for a break then he must be pretty serious.

“Alright.”At your response, his eyes became two curved lines.

‘Sometimes I really don’t understand you.’ you think, baffled.

“Excellent! I want my amazing secretary all healthy and well by tomorrow, alright?”

“Sure.” you eyed him.

‘One day, I’ll truly understand you.’ you vowed to yourself, quiet but determined.

When Dire had left you in the care of Divus, you couldn’t help but want to both thank and curse the man.

You were thankful you had gotten Divus because he was a pretty respectful person--the use of a teacher’s baton with a collar hanging off it notwithstanding--and he was certainly more aware of what you needed as a woman. It was easier to communicate to him your basic needs, and he barely blinked as he helped you shopped.

In fact, the man had been more than willing to help you chose out clothes that he insisted would suit you better.

However...

However, you also wanted to curse Dire because he had left you in the hands of the most attractive faculty member. It didn’t help that it felt like he was out to seduce you--no, calling you ‘good girl’ or ‘pet’ instantly made the blood rush to your cheeks.

You were pretty certain it was one-sided, after all, he used that type of endearment with everyone. It was probably like how some older people would refer to younger people as ‘sweetie’ or ‘dear.’

“So, I need you to watch over that side, am I clear, pet?”

“No problem Divus.” you nodded your head, and just as you moved to the other side of the room, he took the time to give your hair a gentle pat, that smoothly transitioned to tucking a stray lock of hair behind your ear.

“What a good girl.” he said, with that same smirk that would make your panties drop if you were a lesser person. ‘I swear to god he knows that he’s doing to me,’ you thought to yourself, as you tried to distract yourself with thoughts of the alchemic table of elements.

Your job as Divus’s teaching aide was to look over people’s work. Unlike other courses in Night Raven College, Divus’s class was one where your worth as a magician wasn’t actually... relevant. Alchemy was based on the magician’s ability to stay attentive and patient. Divus started you off with learning the important ingredients, how to use them, and during class he would also tell you what you needed to see from someone’s potion to know that they were doing it right.

It wasn’t so difficult.

As you walked around the cauldrons of the students, and peered into the huge pots, you nodded in approval when you saw that they were mostly the right shade for this stage of the potion. You offered some quick suggestions or two to some of the pairs, when you heard a loud sound.

You turned quickly to see that someone’s potion was acting up, and it caused the cauldron to shake.

“Move, puppies!” Divus ordered them to move away from the cauldron as it swung toward him. You see him trip backward in his haste, and as adrenaline pounded in your ears, you immediately rushed over.

As he slipped, Divus hissed, and raised his teacher’s pointer--that is until he felt someone jerk him out of the way. The sudden pull, with his already unsteady stance, made him fall straight into your arms.

After rescuing Divus, you quickly scampered away from the acidic content that spilled onto the ground.

“What now Divus?” you looked down, only to realize that he was frozen, as he stared at you with a stunned expression on his handsome face. (Actually, the whole class was staring at you in surprise, but you’re a little too taken with Divus’s startled expression to really notice.)

“Uh... Is something wrong?”

“I... I didn’t realize you were so strong... pet.” He said, his eyes wide. As much as you wanted to savor the expression--he was nearly unflappable--you had greater concerns.

“I can explain later?” you offered, then your eyes darted back to the concoction on the ground. “but the acid...”

“Ah, right.” he snapped back into attention, and moved to leave your arms. While you do let him go, never let it be said that you weren’t mournful. He was an attractive coworker, and the way you had held him in your arms made you realize that one--his fur coat wasn’t very thick, and that two--you got a good grip on his well toned body.

You looked up to notice him scold the students as he waved his teacher’s baton around. You raised a hand to massage your temples when a thick, sophisticated (dare you say ‘sexy’) scent wafted up to your face from your hands. It was Divus’s perfume. You let out a shaky inhale in surprise, only to be overwhelmed by the scent. You felt blood rush to your cheeks, and you go a little dizzy at that.

‘My god this man isn’t good for my heart.’ You thought, as you reached up a hand to rub at the scent.

“Are you alright, pet?” Your head snapped up in surprise, only to realize that Divus’s face was very close to your own. You let out a squeak, and you slipped backward only for him to catch you by wrapping his arm around your waist. This of course meant--

Your faces are even closer than before.

“It seems like I saved you this time.” He let out a soft chuckle, and his face was so close to your own, that whatever red in your cheeks you’ve lost--probably came back tenfold.

It also doesn’t help that this close, you could smell his perfume.

“Yeah--um, thanks.” You took a proper step back except this time he followed.

“Now now, pet.” He tilted his head. “You were going to tell me about earlier.”

“The strength thing?” You asked. “I’ve always been strong... It was my talent so... I learnt how to use it.” your eyes flickered around, only to notice he’d likely dismissed the students already. That’s when you feel something press against your chin, which made you meet the taller man’s gaze. Unable to look at the item pressed against your jaw, you had to rely on your sense of touch—with the cool metal making you realize that it was his baton pressed against your chin. You feel the heat rise up to your ears in response to the realization.

He looked back at you with heavily lidded eyes. From this close you couldn’t help notice the glitter over his eyelids mixed in with his eyeshadow, and that hint of something in his eyes that made you shiver.

“Aren’t you a fascinating one, pet?” he hummed. “You never cease to capture my attention.” (He thought back on the way you looked when you had easily carried him in your arms--his heart had skipped a beat. He had always thought you were cute--but at that moment? Something about the fierceness and strength in your expression was beautiful and undeniably--)

He cocked his head as he sees that spark in your eyes again.

‘--alluring.’ He decided.

“Is that a good thing?” you asked as you bit your lip and his smirk only widened.

“Why don’t you tell me?” he asked, before he leant in to press his lips roughly against your lips, that made your heart flip--and when he slid his clothed leg in between your thighs--

‘This man is really not good for my heart.’

It took a little bit more convincing, but Crowley finally agreed to let you be a teacher’s assistant--to Ashton.

Ashton was--alright. He was energetic, and generally very cheerful. He was pretty easy to get along with. Though you had some issues with his bias to the more physically capable students--you saw it as your job to help out the less physically capable students when you could. When all else failed, you saw to it that the students would get tips from each other. It was the most you could--especially since physical education was different in this world.

You cupped your face in your hands as you watched the students quietly play Magical Shift. Beside you, Ashton yelled in good cheer--he wasn’t particularly biased to one side--he gave good advice to all players of the field. You could only watch attentively because you thought you barely knew enough about Magical Shift to be a proper commentator.

That is until you notice that the disk was suddenly launched your way.

You acted on pure adrenaline as you pulled Ashton out of the way and hoped away from the spot as the disk embedded itself deeply into the bleacher seats that you were originally on.

You let out a sigh of relief at the successful dodge--that thing was heavy, no surprise there--you had to lug it around without magic. But you just knew getting hit by that thing--at the speed it was going, would definitely bruise someone.

“Ashton are you okay?” You looked down briefly, only to see Ashton’s expression.

Ashton stared at you in awe. His eyes were wide, his mouth agape. He had his hands pulled to his chest and laced together.

He looked...very much like a damsel in distress, and you could already feel the laughter bubbling in your chest.

Ashton really did give some of the greatest expressions to everything--you can feel your heart soften.

He was someone you grew incredibly fond of--because of how genuine he was about everything, especially with the things he liked.

“[Name].”

“Yeah?” you arched your brow.

“You’re carrying me.” You looked down at him--and well, his position in your arms.

“...Yeah?” you tilted your head. “I mean, you’re in my arms right now, right?”

“How are you doing this?” he said, his awe so apparent you can’t help but regard him with amusement.

“I’ve always been strong.” you paused, “and well... it was that one thing I had so... I honed it.”

“That...” he said so quietly you grew concerned--he wasn’t the quiet type. Far from it. “IS! SO! AWESOME!” you flinched when he suddenly bellowed.

“Quick! Tell me what’s your max weight!” he asked, and confused, you tell him. His eyes only sparkled further in response--and you kid not, when Ashton’s eyes glittered--they glittered and shone like bright stars.

“You must join me for training!” he said eagerly, “I’m so excited! I don’t have much people to train with, but it will be fun to do it with you! That I’m sure of.”

“Wait... you’re not... weirded out by it?” Most of the time, when guys twice your size find out you could carry them with no sweat, they often just... bailed. You had long gotten used to it, and refused to care because you wouldn’t let them have what you were proud of. While Ashton didn’t strike you as that type of person, doesn’t mean you didn’t brace for the possibility that he might respond that way.

“What?” his brows furrowed. “No! I think it’s amazing!”

Your heart fluttered at that, and you watched him in surprise as he rose from your arms.

“We should train together, okay?” Then he turned away to begin instructing the players again.

You looked down to your hands and they feel warm. You felt your cheeks warm and a thought pervades--

‘Do I--?’

#aiwrites #aiscenarios #ai lift series #twisted wonderland #female reader #twst #twst scenarios #twst dire #twst divus #twst ashton #how to tag twst teachers?#i sniffed belial's perfume to write crewel's scene and my mind expanded #in conclusion i shouldnt have sniffed belial's perfume

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danwhobrowses · 3 years

Text

One Piece Chapter 1000 - Initial Thoughts

We are Finally Here.

Not quite Christmas Day but still in Xmas Weekend so I’ll take it, but we are now at the 1000th Chapter of One Piece, a herculean testament not only to Oda’s dedication to his story but long term storytelling itself on a mostly weekly manga

The Wano story rages on and it will continue beyond 1000 but for now

This Party’s Getting Crazy, Let’s Rock

Spoilers for Chapter 1000, obviously, support the Official Release as well

Sadly I can’t gush about the Color Spread yet because this is fan translations (and a bit rough around the edges) but I’m sure come Jan 4th it’ll be great, hopefully Viz will do the full one and not one that’s rotated 90 degrees like 999′s half was

Also the title, Straw Hat Luffy. We have gone this long without a chapter titled after Luffy

Shishilian and the minks are still alive, ready to let Luffy pass, looks like Jack will be spared a Blueno moment, though he still could come up against Brook and Robin or Yamato

I wonder what significance Shishilian’s tears are, is it regret, grief, mourning? Did he not go full power? Also what’s happening with Carrot? I miss her!

WTF is with Queen’s neck? First tongue guns and now it’s like a wired neck? How cyborg is this dude?

But Marco’s out here handling King AND Queen right now! No flies on our Pineapple

Though they say they can’t hit him, is...haki not a thing with these guys? Or is there supposed to be some unwritten law that you can’t use Haki against certain opponents?

Zoro’s bad run with birds continues, he’s been hoisted, dropped and now thrown XD at least it’s in the right direction

Yamato’s smiles are very sweet...but I still don’t think he’s joining the crew, he has to follow his own path

But now Momo has Oden’s journal, could that be used as a bargaining tool? What would Roger had thought about Oden pouring a lot of Laugh Tale secrets into it?

Someone protected the logbook? Who? They say by the river so maybe Kawamatsu? Maybe Toki threw it out? Or maybe someone else was in Oden Castle at that time

Looks like Law’s done with his sneakies, bout to Shambles up there...where’s the rest of his crew though?

Ah more of Ace drinking his ‘Gush about Luffy’ juice, with a side sprinkle of Sabo mentions, isn’t it sweet to see?

And the fact that he wholeheartedly believes in Luffy’s dream, I wonder what that would mean for his plans to make Whitebeard King, was it to be a seat warmer?

Yamato screaming to Ace holding Oden’s Journal high should be a meme

Ace completely unaware that he’s just approved of something about his dad and wanted to share a drink with him

And wow, Yamato made Ace’s vivre card! That’s some deep cut, and explains how Yamato knew of Ace’s death, he uses the same line Ace uses to Luffy when he gives him his card as well I thnk

Finally, we make it to the top!

Look at Killer not getting the fashion memo of dark silhouettes

Lots of eye shifting going on though, Law looks kinda pissed

God that hero pose though, what’s with the threefold sound focus on Luffy’s feet though?

‘That little abortion’ - uh, little far Linlin...

‘He destroyed my castle, you owe me an apology’ - maybe when you apologize for blackmailing and trying to murder his cook, he’ll think about it. Though I do have a humorous thought of Luffy just going ‘oh yeah, sorry bout your cake’ and BM just switching like ‘huh...okay yeah we’re even, I’m gonna bounce, later fishcakes’

When Luffy isn’t paying attention to you in a main fight, this is the moment you have to say your prayers, because he’s seen something far beyond you

The Akazaya are beaten, but it doesn’t look like they’re dead yet, though it could just be Kin’emon, it is a sad sight to see

You know Luffy kicks into gear the moment he’s been asked for help, that just stacks it for him

Law did at least move the Akazaya, though they keep hiding his face a little

In missing, Kaido’s made another hole in the roof, wonder how that will turn out?

RED ROCK

Aside from the name being a combination of Red Hawk, Rocks Pirates and probably a new naming for the Ryou enhancement, that thing hit Kaido hard! It also becomes a cyclic moment since the first thing Luffy hit Kaido with was a Gear Third attack

Big Mom is shook, they both see Roger in him now, no more talking down at him

Because this is not Roger. This is Monkey D. Luffy, and he will become King of the Pirates

The biggest criticism I can give a chapter like this is that there’s not more of it, we need to see more! Granted, this was primarily set up for Luffy and co to stand down Kaido and BM, so we still have much to cover but I do feel as though that’s by design. As much as we have hyped Chapter 1000, One Piece doesn’t end there, there is still much of Wano to cover. Which leads to a sobering thought, we’re still not done with this act yet, and a tragedy is yet to happen. Oda’s making Law look very shifty too and BM didn’t involve herself in the fight. This battle is far from over, this is simply a wake-up call for Kaido, what will happen when Kaido starts enjoying the pain?

But for the chapter itself, it was brilliant, more questions sure but with the hype and gravitas surrounding a 1000th Chapter Oda once again never failed to disappoint, the Will of Goda continues and will continue to continue continuing in its continuation.

1001 will likely begin in the new year, until then, Merry Christmas and a Happy 1000th

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writerofthecourt · 4 years

Text

fuyu no hanashi

pairing: semi eita x reader

summary: semi sings a song dedicated to you. a story of loss, anguish, and regrets

warning: slight time skip spoilers, character death, grief and mourning, subtle reference to alcoholism

a/n: i’ve been wanting to write something like this for a very long time, and i’m really happy with how it turned out. this story was inspired by the anime/manga given, specifically a scene from episode 9 of the anime. here’s the particular scene that i’m referencing (beware, the clip does contain plot spoilers for given). i’ve never written for semi before, so i hope i did him justice

Cheers erupted from all around the bar as the band’s leader and vocalist hit the final note of the song, signalling the end of the show. However, this did very little to kill off the enthusiasm of the fans, as they all chanted in unison for one more song.

“One more song, one more song!”

Semi gasped for breath, feeling his body almost running on empty after nearly two hours of intense guitar playing. He looked to his band��s leader to see if he would go through with the crowd’s request.

After catching his breath, the leader turned to Semi, eyeing him seriously as if to ask him if he could really do it. Semi bit his lip, tightening the grip around the neck of his guitar in anxiousness.

Could he do it? He had never once sung on stage since the band’s inception, settling instead to blend into the background and jam out on his guitar. It wasn’t like he couldn’t sing, but there was only ever one person that he sang for, and well…

“I love hearing you sing, Eita. You have a lovely voice.”

Releasing a sigh of nerves, Semi nodded his head. The leader grinned and shot him a subtle thumbs up before grabbing the microphone to address the audience. “If another song’s what you want, then another song’s what you’ll get!”

Once again, the crowd erupted into whoops and hollers as their excitement reverberated all throughout the walls of the bar.

“But,” everyone quickly turned to silence after that, “the one who’ll be singing is Semi over here.”

Hushed noises of confusion soon rang out as the leader grabbed Semi by the arm and gently pushed him towards the front of the stage where the microphone stood. Rushing backstage, the leader quickly grabbed his own guitar, which he had hidden away in its case. While he enjoyed the spotlight that came with being the band’s lead vocalist, he didn’t mind playing back-up guitar every now and then.

Once everyone was in position, Semi nervously glanced into the darkness of the bar. Although he couldn’t see their stares, Semi could feel the looks of judgement, anticipation, and curiosity all directed on him as he took a hold of the microphone stand.

“Ehhh, did Sato strain his throat or something?”

“I’ve never heard Semi sing before, I’m so excited!”

“Can Semi even sing?”

Of course I can sing, Semi internally scoffed. I wouldn’t be up here if I couldn’t.

Tapping the microphone to quiet everyone down, Semi opened his mouth to speak. “Uh, hey. I know I’m usually not up here, but I wanted to sing you guys a song that’s close to my heart.”

Pausing for a moment to collect himself, Semi took a deep breath before continuing. “I wrote this song for someone close to me. She’s not here to listen to it now, but I hope it still reaches her.”

Turning to his bandmates to indicate that he was ready, every one of them shot him an encouraging smile. He wobbly returned their smiles and turned his attention back on to the audience.

“This song is called ‘Winter’s Story.’ I hope you all like it.”

Tapping his drumsticks together, the band’s drummer counted down to the song.

One, two, three-

“Wow, Eita, that was great!” Clapping your hands together, you smiled at your boyfriend as he came to the end of his impromptu performance.

Semi chuckled at the pure joy and adoration shining from your eyes as he set his guitar down back into its case and made himself comfortable onto the chair next to your bed.

In the small and quaint confines of your hospital room, the only noises that could be heard were the monotonous beeps of your heart monitor and the light footsteps of nurses quietly patrolling the hallways outside of your door.

The glow of the setting sun indicated that the dark winter night was fast approaching, and with it, visiting hours would soon be over. Although Semi hated this fact, he couldn’t deny how beautiful you looked as the casting rays of the sun gave your face an angelic shimmer to it.

Even though you denied his claims of beauty on most days, with your skin being reduced to an abnormally sickly tone and needles and wires prodding away at your arm, Semi was always quick to rebuttal all of this. Even in this state, you were still an absolute goddess to him. From the first day he had met you, Semi always thought you were the most beautiful girl he knew.

“So, how long did it take you to write that song?” you asked after a moment of silence.

“Hmmm,” he paused to think about it, “a few days? I just thought about you, and it all came to me.”

Laughing at his poor attempt at flirting, you gave your boyfriend a playful push on the shoulder. “Well, aren’t you a smooth one, Mr. Musician.”

“Only for you, pretty lady,” Semi quipped back with a smirk.

You both chuckled as your conversation soon fell into a quiet and comfortable lull. Semi took to gently holding your hand, while you simply stared out at the large single window that occupied your room, watching in awe as the previously orange sky painted itself black and snowflakes began to fall.

“So-” “I-”

Both you and Semi stared at each other in surprise and amusement before you prompted for him to go first.

“I have some really exciting news about the band,” he informed you.

Seeing you curiously tilt your head, Semi took this as a sign to tell you the news. “There’s this really popular bar, Submariner. It’s located downtown next to all of these other trendy bars and clubs.”

Letting out a hum to indicate that you were listening, Semi said, “Well, the owner of the place saw one of our videos online and sent us an email to ask if we wanted to play a show at the bar next week!”

Pausing for a second to process this new information, you almost jumped out of your bed once you had registered Semi’s words. You let out a cry of joy as you reached up to wrap your arms around your boyfriend’s neck. You almost felt yourself burst into tears at his accomplishment. You were so proud of him.

“Eita, that’s amazing! It’s what you and the guys have always wanted!” you exclaimed. “This is your dream!”

Semi laughed, wrapping his arms around you as he felt tears in his own eyes at your genuine happiness and reaction. He pulled you close, finding comfort in the beating of your heart and the warmth of your body. They were all reminders that you were here, that you were alive.

“Yeah, it’s our first live gig, so everyone’s really excited,” he said while tracing the curve of your back. “We’re even working on a new song right now to play as our opening act.”

“When are you guys playing?” you peeked out from his chest.

“Hmm, next Friday night on the eighteenth,” he responded. “Why?”

He didn’t notice how your body stilled. “O-oh, um, just asking. I wanted to tell my parents so that they could go down there and record you guys.”

Semi hummed. “Even if you’re not there, I’ll always be thinking about you, okay?”

“You’re so lame,” you teased, giving him a peck on the cheek as you made yourself comfortable again on the bed.

“Yeah, whatever,” he conceded as a blush coloured his face. “Anyways, what about you, [Y/N]? Didn’t you want to tell me something too?”

“Y-yeah. I just wanted to tell you that the surgery date hasn’t been decided yet,” you nervously chewed on your lips, “I-I’m a little bit scared just thinking about it, if I’m being honest.”

“[Y/N],” Semi began seriously, taking a hold of your hand. “You’re the strongest person I know. Your doctor said that you’re getting better every day, so you have a high chance of surviving the operation. You’ll make it through this, and I’ll be beside you every step of the way.”

Stunned by his words, your mind was quickly put at ease by Semi’s reassurance. Showing your appreciation, you sent him a sincere smile, the one that got his heart pumping and his mind racing. The one that made him fall in love with you all over again. The one he wanted to wake up every morning to, and the one that he couldn’t live without.

“I know, Eita,” you whispered emotionally. “I love you.”

He smiled back at you. “I love you too.”

The sweet moment was soon interrupted by a soft knock at your door. The nurse in charge of your care sheepishly smiled as she entered into your room with a cart full of medical equipment and pills.

“[L/N]-san, visiting hours are over,” she announced. “I’m also here to check your vitals and administer your medicine.”

Semi sighed, disappointed and knowing that this moment would come sooner or later. Packing up his things, Semi hitched his guitar case onto his shoulder and went over to place a tender kiss on your forehead.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Call me, all right?” he warned, though there was no real seriousness behind his eyes.

Heading for the door, he bowed to the nurse and thanked her for taking such good care of you. The nurse simply brushed him off, saying that it was her job to take care of you and that you were one of the more delightful patients she had to deal with.

Turning around to look at you one more time, Semi shot you a smile that he had reserved only for your eyes. The kind of smile that came from the bottom of his heart and was filled with adoration.

“I love you,” he repeated again.

“I love you too,” you huffed in playful exasperation. “Now go before the snow starts affecting traffic.”

Semi chuckled and waved goodbye, and as he headed towards the elevators, he couldn’t help but overhear your conversation with the nurse.

“I heard he wrote you a new song? Some of the other nurses were talking about it in the breakroom.”

“Yeah, he did! It was really sweet.”

He heard the nurse sigh fondly. “It must be nice having a boyfriend as caring and loving as Semi-san, right?”

You giggled. “Yeah, he’s the best!”

As the lyrics poured out of Semi’s mouth, the memories of you all came rushing back to him—memories that he had long since tried to forget and had buried deep within the depths of his heart.

From your first date to the day you finally moved in together. From your first major fight to the day you were read your diagnosis. These were all moments that Semi had cherished with you, but now-

“W-what do you mean the operation was yesterday?!” Semi shouted, ignoring the uneasy looks some of the passing nurses gave him.

“S-she didn’t want us to tell you, Eita-kun,” your mother cried, holding back her tears. Your father stood beside her, doing his best to support his wife as he dealt with his own grief and loss. “It was on the same day as your show. She didn’t want to burden you. She wanted you to play!”

It was your mother’s next words that broke his heart forever. “S-she…she didn’t make it.”

“Ahhh-ahhhhh!!” Semi screamed out in time with the bridge’s commencement. It was a guttural noise, one full of anger, sadness, and betrayal, all of which he had bottled away this entire time.

Semi always regretted that day. He would have gladly given up his dream of becoming a musician if it meant that he could have said goodbye to you one last time. Unfortunately, fate was far too cruel.

No matter where I go, you’re there, he thought to himself as he continued to sing. You’re always in my head. You’re in everything I see.

Feeling the hot tears pouring from his eyes, Semi strummed away at his guitar.

No matter where I go, I can still see you there…

Images of dates, anniversaries, and all the times you two had spent together began appearing in his mind. Semi could never forget the joy in your eyes whenever you smiled at him or the happiness in your laughter whenever he told a stupid joke. All of those images and sounds came crashing back to him, striking like a tsunami.

“It was her choice not to tell you,” Tendou said, warily glancing at all the empty bottles of alcohol strewn around the apartment. “She wanted you to chase after your dream.”

“What the hell’s the point of my dream if she isn’t here for it?!” Semi lashed out, not caring for the tears rolling down his face. “I only got into music because I wanted to make her happy! I wanted to see her smile! But now-”

The audience stared in total awe and focus as Semi poured his heart out into his singing and playing. All the bitterness, resentment, sadness, and regret that he had ever felt about that day were now being put into his performance.

I can’t forgive you for lying, he thought bitterly. I can’t forgive myself for not being there. But most of all…I miss you.

Striking the final chord of the song, Semi ended the show in spectacular fashion. The crowd looked on in stunned silence and wide eyes before exploding into loud praises and cheers. Although his lungs were on fire and his fingers twitched with every slight movement he made, Semi never felt more happy. The weight around his heart was now beginning to feel lighter, and with it, a chance to finally start moving forward.

Rubbing away at his eyes to get rid of the remaining tears, Semi weakly chuckled to himself. He quietly thanked the fans and wished them all a good night before exiting the stage with his bandmates. As they each congratulated him on his amazing performance, Semi couldn’t help but let his mind wander off to you one more time.

[Y/N], no matter where you are, I hope you know I’m happy. I’ve chased after my dream, just like you wanted me to. I made it, [Y/N].

…I love you.

taglist: @kkoalaworld (you said you wanted to be tagged)

#semi eita x reader #semi x reader #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu reader insert #given #im so tired of editing this #pls just take it

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shreddedleopard · 3 years

Text

Suns, Moons and Songs.

My favourite. The soundtrack is littered with songs that allude to Historia and Levi’s part in the plot. I’ll just bring up some of the major ones.

Okay, first biggie - Zero Eclipse.

This song is purposefully vague in a lot of places, in that a lot of the lyrics could fit to Ymir, and I believe the sentiment is genuine. Ymir was a huge part of Historia’s life before she left. However, there are a lot of similarities between her and Levi, which is handy for Yams. Same for the bond Erwin and Levi shared. Clever, clever.

The first verses could work for either on the whole, but the lines about jealousy and blades doubling and the use of kid absolutely reminds me of Ymir when she joins the survey corps with Historia.

When we get to the bridge, the first lines about never hearing the person sigh of ecstasy likely suggests that Ymir wanted to get to that point with Historia but they never did. And of course the chorus very much reflects Ymir’s speech to Historia about living a life she can be proud of, and not doing silly suicidal things to be the hero, like she did with Daz.

Okay our next verse is where it gets very interesting!

Every single line fits Levi perfectly. Seeing the fallen? It’s that image at Shiganshina of Erwin surrounded by their fallen comrades. Still we have that question, what will Levi do with those sacrifices? A recurring theme, but now we should have a pretty good idea of the answer.

Next we have a direct reference to the Beast Titan - which conveniently also links perfectly to Historia’s childhood bullies - both threw stones to ‘make us go away.’

‘It was only the face of anger, and kindness, it lit my way’ - well this has soo many connotations. So firstly, Historia and the bullies. Because Frieda taught her to be a good, kind girl, Historia understands that the bullies were only acting out of anger, and kindness is the answer here. Hmm ... who else right about now in the story could do with realising anger and revenge won’t solve anything - but working together might, even if you’ve been pelted by stones at the hands of this person? It’s Levi and Zeke. And Historia’s influence on Levi - the idea of kindness lighting his way - will mean he makes the right decision. It’s also worth noting very briefly here, because I will explore this more later, that in the manga, we have that removed scene of Levi behaving aggressively towards Historia, although she later puts this aside. Originally, Isayama also wanted to parallel Levi with Historia’s childhood bullies, but he changed his mind for the anime. We’ll look at this more when we check out an interesting interview by Yams.

‘Ain’t no picnic to be abandoned’ - again, such a simple line, so many meanings. Historia and Levi’s childhood parallels are uncanny, and both were abandoned by parental figures in their youth which we see in Uprising had lasting impacts on them. So much so, they work together to open an orphanage, saving children from within the walls and even the underground.

‘It led us here, we had to share the pain.’ I mean, I’ve said this so many times, but how could they not end up bonding over all this!? But wait, there’s more. Shiganshina happens, and Levi looses Erwin. Historia has not so long ago lost Ymir, and we see how upset she is when she receives her letter. Remember that scene though where Levi arrives and she wipes away her tears? Yep. They were both abandoned again in a sense, and so, it only serves to push them closer together. They mourn for what have been pretty much their other halves since the start of the series, and they do it together. Yams is screaming at us to read between the lines for these two, while he drops just enough surface hints to keep the trail warm, so to speak.

Okay the next lyrics ‘Now you are a part of me, I will defend and honour thee’ ... what do they remind you of? I get knight protecting Queen vibes. And this literally used to be the role of the Ackermans according to Kenny's grandpa - the sword and shield to the crown. Levi is virtually back in that role for Historia, and we come full circle after the years of persecution.

NEXT. ‘Did you think that you could die a hero?’ Kenny tells Levi everyone is drunk on a dream in order to keep moving forwards. He asks Levi, what are you? A hero? Everyone expects Levi to go out fighting, taking out Zeke and finally fulfilling his vow to Erwin. But that's not the message of this story. We need to break the cycle of revenge and hate, remember? Kruger said so himself - love someone within the walls, it's the only way to stop this cursed history. Levi won’t choose revenge. He’ll give up on his dream to go out like a hero, because now he has something to return home to.

‘Our awakening means less than zero.’ And just in case you were wondering, it’s not because of any Acker-bond crap. It’s the real deal; just like Zeke told Eren in chapter 130. Being an Ackerman has nothing to do with either Levi or Mikasa’s feelings towards their respective loves.

Let’s look at that chorus again, while I start to blush in the corner. ‘You’re trembling, we share a kiss, our worlds eclipse.’ Heck, I never knew SNK could be so ... ahem, yeah. It gets raunchier further on, by the way. But besides the obvious suggestion of passion here, we have the symbolism from the song’s title - the eclipse. What happens during an eclipse? Well, depends what sort to be fair heh, but for a solar eclipse, we have the moon moving in front of the sun, blocking it’s light. And we see the Dark Side of the Moon. Wait!? Isn’t that literally the title of Levi's character song ...? Oh, shit. We’ll check out those lyrics later. Historia is often associated with dawn light, which of course means the sun. The eclipse here is her pregnancy. The two solar bodies appear to become one. Not to mention the literal shape of her stomach! We had those lyrics about ‘letting our worlds collide’ earlier too. Not just referring to the pregnancy, but their supposedly different ideologies around violence/revenge and love/kindness/forgiveness.

Now for the best bits.

‘Black sugar, keep it, up til the dawn.’ Told you it gets better. Black sugar is apparently something very addictive. So Levi and Historia are engaged in something very addictive here, keeping them up until the dawn ...? Ah. Yes. Makes sense, considering her current condition.

And then my very favourite line, that hit me right in the gut when I first listened to this. Because the words sounded very familiar, but not for Historia.

‘Make a promise that I cannot regret.’ Levi’s whole theme is not regretting the choices that you make. It’s repeated over and over. He makes a promise to Erwin in his vow, but he comes to terms with the fact that fulfilling this is no longer what he really wants - we’ve just seen that realisation in 136 when he talks about how he’s never bungled one of Erwin’s orders, but yet his last one ... He knows attempting to keep that promise will mean he likely won’t ‘get back out alive,’ so instead, he will make Historia a promise that he can’t regret, because he just can’t ‘learn how to let you go.’ I’M NOT CRYING - YOU ARE. Do you remember the two letters - from Petra and Ymir - about marriage? I think we know what Levi is going to dedicate his heart to in the end. Note also the, ‘as long as I can see you, but in secret.’ That just gives us that final confirmation that the relationship alluded to here in Zero Eclipse is one that has been hidden from us - this fits neither Historia/Ymir or Levi/Erwin, although there are elements of both of these in the song.

Okay, here's the lyrics to Levi’s song. I’m not going to rip it apart like I did with Zero Eclipse, because a) I think a lot of it is self explanatory, and b) the next chapter comes out soon and like, I’d love to have got through everything I want to say before then. So some quick (ish, knowing me) notes:

Okay so this second set of lyrics is the one I want to draw attention to - cleverly nestled in the middle of the song. We’re going to ‘someday’ see the dark side of the moon ‘revealed’. Yeah, when there is an eclipse. This is the only time you see the dark side of the moon. Literally. So we’ll see Levi’s other side when he finds Historia, and they create this eclipse - this child. His true nature will be revealed, and he will not choose violence or revenge.

‘Persuasion by memories of pain an essential lesson.’ Okay, I can’t really go hugely into this without the Akatsuki no Requiem video, which we’ll look at in a bit. Because then things will mind-bogglingly make sense. If you’ve already seen it and know the theory behind it, then you’ll get what I mean. But essentially, our ending for Levi is going to be bittersweet, because while he ends up with a family of his own finally, he is also plagued with regret and sorrow for what came to pass before, and the huge role he played in it.

‘Just being without regrets, is my own decision.’ Such a simple line, so many powerful meanings. Levi will make the ultimate choice with no regrets in his promise to Historia, and their child. He cannot regret either of them. But he has to make that decision, and we know it will be difficult, because it will mean failing to execute Erwin’s last order. It will probably look likely that he will make the wrong choice up until the very last moment. This again too links in with the ackertalk between Zeke and Eren. Levi is confirming that his decision to be with Historia does not stem from duty or something in his genes. It’s the real deal.

More Fun Song Facts.

Here's the lyrics for Before Lights Out:

Freedom! Freedom! Forgive Me! Retake Maria! Victorious, triumphant! All of my kingdom For your return I will let it burn! I will let it burn! Dear departed I’ll cry for you in a dream Now I must rise to be queen Be worthy Be worthy

The song that is a different version of APETITAN - the soundtrack to Zeke’s Beast’s first appearance. Before Lights Out plays when Erwin leads the suicide charge towards Zeke, after Levi makes his vow to ‘take down the beast titan.’ He watches Erwin and the scouts charge to their deaths and whispers, ‘I’m sorry.’

Because he’s never going to fulfil that vow, is he? And we know why when we read the lyrics of the song.

HOLY MOTHER OF FORESHADOWING I have chills.

Ahhhhh I need to talk about Akatsuki no Requiem I guess. This one definitely needs it’s own post.

You still with me? I have drunk a lot of coffee at this point.

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thegrandkinghimself · 4 years

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who is oikawa tooru?

i guess that’s a weird way to start off a post, considering just how popular oikawa is in this fandom. i’m absolutely certain that he’s still one of the most popular characters if i can take the #oikawasear trend on twitter a couple of weeks ago seriously. (i will be mourning that iwaoi is no longer the top ship in this fandom. it’s devastating to me on a personal level). and i can’t say that i’m any different, either, otherwise i wouldn’t have made this blog or this post. but i guess the reason i’ve been itching to write this is because i’ve been in this fandom--and more specifically, a fan of oikawa--for about four or five years now. i devour the content available, and i can assure you that i’ve read too many of the fanfictions on ao3 to be healthy, and never before have i seen a character whose characterization is so hotly disputed.

and i get it. he’s a complex person. he’s kind of awkward in that there is a very clear disconnect between his outward personality and who he is alone. it’s a very hard balance to strike, especially when you consider just how much conjecture goes on in his characterization among fans and in discourse. he’s really easy to project and certain traits, correct or otherwise, are amplified based off how authors perceive him. there’s plenty of presumptions that can be made based on his on-screen actions/thoughts/beliefs that can be taken to some very logical conclusions.

but i’ve also seen people write him in ways that don’t strike me as particularly truthful. he’s type casted into stereotypes that don’t do him justice, or made into something that is vaguely like oikawa, but not quite. in the following post, i’ll be trying to dispel misunderstandings of his character, if only for my own sanity.

tl;dr i think that oikawa is chronically one of the most misrepresented characters in fandom and i want to fix that

exclaimer: i am solely an anime-watcher; i have seen snippets of the manga and therefore have a general idea of what is going on.

let’s establish some very very basic stuff. just to keep it simple, i’m not going to talk about anything beyond what has been published via the anime (as of season four).

Oikawa Tooru | 及川徹

gender: male

d.o.b.: 1994.7.20. or 20 July, 1994

height: 184.3 cm

weight: 72.2 kg

occupation: high school 3rd year, class 6

position/number: setter, 1 (captain)

here’s something that’s never pointed out: oikawa is in class 6 which, if we go off the trend of every other school in haikyuu!!, means that he is in a college preparatory class aka he’s pretty dang smart. it’s not confirmed or anything, but it a. follows the trend of every other class 6 student and b. is the highest class available among seijoh 3rd years (classes 5, 3, and 1). don’t get the idea that he’s dumb or unintelligent, or even that his strengths only lie in the classroom because that would be a gross understatement of his skills.

anywho.

generally speaking, i like to start with the building blocks of his personality because there’s so much room for assumptions. here are the things that i think make up his core personality:

intelligence/knowledgeable: not only academically speaking, but he’s also well-versed in people. he knows how to play them--what will make someone more confident, more doubtful, what will help his teammates succeed. clearly, oikawa is very knowledgeable in human thought patterns. or he’s dedicated a lot of time to knowing them.

loyalty: of all of oikawa’s traits, i think this one gets talked about the least, but we know it to be true. we make jokes about “you should have come to shiratorizawa” but it really shows you exactly how loyal, how much trust, oikawa has in this team that he has spent three years shaping. he never stops believing in the work that he has put in, and especially the hard work that his teammates have put into their volleyball.

hardworking: one of the most well-known things about oikawa. most fans already know that his white knee pad is actually a knee brace. ‘nuff said. i salute you, good sir.

insecurity: oikawa’s insecurities are perhaps his most notable trait. in a sense, he’s sort of the underdog--so good, but never quite good enough to accomplish what he’s set out to do. and we know that he’s struggled with his doubts since junior high, literally since he was 12 or 13, and that’s informed all of his character from the moment he ran into ushijima. oikawa is someone who is defined by his insecurities.

oikawa is a lot of things. he’s introduced as someone who is very flamboyant--he’s built up by kageyama as the best setter, his senpai literally and figuratively, his initial shots are all of smug smiles and easy, unfaltering swagger in the face of this new team. even his theme, all rambunctious brass and jazzy, is meant to be all in your face, here’s the big boss! he’s someone who is petty and silly and seems to favor shallow conversation. but he’s oikawa, so there’s a surprising amount of depth in the little time that we have with him. there’s a reason that, in any other franchise, he’d probably be the protagonist.

he is someone full of contradictions. he’s childish and he spends time with a bunch of girls and is very clearly someone who likes to project a certain image of himself to the public (see: his cute lil’ humming run after his yell in s4e23 to make him seem kind of normal). but he’s also spent a lot of time with himself. in fact, if we take the few scenes we have of him alone and his bedroom (bare, spartan, meticulous) into account, oikawa actually is much more solemn and/or serious than the image he projects. he’s comfortable in the silences between all the white noise. he’s alright just being with iwaizumi. he allows himself to dwell on the past and his shortcomings, while also looking forward to the future. his ambition and passion to improve drive him, but his past failures weigh him down. they haunt him.

personally, i think that he’s naturally a pretty silly guy when given the chance. it’s not just for show. iwaizumi would even corroborate this à la oikawa’s introduction speech in s1. he likes having fun when he can with his friends. if we assume that oikawa is most himself with iwaizumi, then we definitely know that’s the case (see: “are you my mom, iwa-chan?”), and there’s nothing wrong with that. but i think that the most basic traits of his character, combined with his experiences in volleyball, have pushed him to be this person who is mired in doubt. it’s forced him to go down a path where something that he once loved for the fun of it has now become the source of his ire. it’s really just that simple. maybe in another life, things would be different and oikawa wouldn’t have to struggle as much. but that’s really just a part of the human experience, isn’t it? and, in all honesty, would we really love oikawa as much without all his vices?

and maybe this is getting into speculation, but i don’t think it’s a difficult argument to make that oikawa is really mature. he’s introspective. i say introspective because the revelations that he’s had in regards to his own strengths and weaknesses--those are things he’s had to confront and deal with since he was in junior high (starts at 12 years of age). it takes someone with a lot of maturity and self-awareness to realize those kinds of things about himself.

and he’s stronger than he gets credit for. most people depict him as a crybaby, but he’s really not. he doesn’t cry or give up in the face of ushijima or kageyama’s unfettered growth and successes, he doesn’t cry when faced with defeat. oikawa is there to support iwaizumi in his own doubt as ace, and lend support to his teammates. and oikawa doesn’t get stuck on the what-ifs or has-beens. driven by his infamous ambition, he looks forward to the future.

it’s kind of a double-edged sword. it’s pushed him this far--he’s put in this much effort to be one of the best in the prefecture--because of his competitive spirit, but it’s also something that has caused him serious injury. oikawa’s motto (”if you’re gonna to hit it, hit it until it breaks!”) is the very epitome of this mentality. it’s a message to work hard to finish what you started, but i also think that you could interpret that hard work breaking you, too. he’s steadfast—obsessive, really—to the point that oikawa will let his passions break him before he would ever give up. it’s the point of all the strife in his life, because he would never have the problems he does if he were even a little less enamored by this sport.

and you really have to wonder where he would be without ushijima and kageyama as his obstacles. his drive will always be there, that is an intrinsic part of him, as are the standards to which he holds himself, but you really have to wonder just how good oikawa would be if he didn’t have such direct competitors. this is an incredibly important question to ask about kageyama and oikawa in particular. yes, oikawa does loathe ushijima: for his disregard for oikawa’s decisions, for his disregard of oikawa’s loyalty, for his flippant attitude of seijoh, who oikawa has poured his blood and sweat into creating. but ushijima is an opposite hitter. oikawa is a setter. those are two very different positions with little crossover. but with kageyama--that is a clear rivalry. they push each other to be better, made all the more potent by their differences as players; one setter’s growth as a player directly impacts how the other performs in each subsequent game. seijoh’s defeat by karasuno in season 2 just feeds into oikawa’s drive for the future. he has not intention of giving up. a light was lit under him, pushing him forward, to do better, to be better.

this is something that has been pointed out in a different analysis (linked below) but, narratively speaking, oikawa is kageyama’s foil. their interactions inform their characters and are a major cause of tension in their development. their relationship is really the most complex in the story that i have noticed, and is something that has not been appreciated enough. the iwaizumi-oikawa thing has been expounded and studied in every facet possible (i love the alexander the great/hephaestion allusions), but it’s true that kageyama has impacted oikawa the most. they begrudgingly respect each other’s talents, what it is that they bring to the court, while also envying what the other has in spades that they do not. in oikawa’s case, his strength clearly lies in his interpersonal relationships--his ability to intuit exactly what his teammates need to be at their best. kags is just a fount of overwhelming technical skill who has a really hard time getting to know those around him. living up to the standards that oikawa places on himself, in tandem with kageyama threatening his position as setter, leave oikawa floundering, fearing his own incompetence against opponents who are naturally much better than he. so he’s left with the knowledge that maybe his best isn’t good enough, but he still continues on anyway. he pushes himself past a seemingly unreachable threshold just to go toe-to-toe with this monster. it’s the purpose of his character--to tell this story of the ordinary v. the extraordinary--and it is perhaps the most relatable arc that a story like haikyuu!! can tell.

their connection naturally causes oikawa to seek out help, seen in the flashback scenes where he is talking to an unspecified coach/adult. that coach’s words then become the creed upon which oikawa plays, maybe even more than what iwaizumi has taught him, and is the final push that completes oikawa’s character arc in s2ep24. that change in mindset allows oikawa to see kageyama’s unbridled talent not as an obstacle but as a challenge. it’s very nuanced, but it makes all the difference. it’s why, following seijoh’s defeat, oikawa has the audacity to declare to kageyama and ushijima his plans for the future. in a sense, karasuno and kageyama and ushijima have won the battle but not the war. it’s the tipping point in his story and, more than anything, what makes oikawa so compelling. we have seen what has led up to the change, but now we want to know what he’s going to do to meet that challenge. what will he be doing beyond the story when he is no longer relevant to the narrative? we don’t know the details at this point, but we know that oikawa’s love and ambition for volleyball have been reaffirmed in this moment.

but to bring it back, the kags-oiks connection also makes us question what it is we are watching, makes us as the audience think: what qualifies someone as a genius? are there any limitations to what that genius can do? what can ordinary people do in the face of those geniuses?

these are questions that exist beyond the reality of sports and transverse into other disciplines. for me, those are very real questions that i have had to ask myself as a musician. i have dedicated nine, almost 10, years to my practice but there are still 10-year-olds who are just better at it than i ever will be. part of it is time and practice to be sure, but some of it is just innate. and i think the more appropriate version of those questions would be this: what qualifies someone as a prodigy? are there limitations for prodigies? what can we do in the face of prodigies?

oikawa is a genius player--he knows the ins-and-outs of his sport better than anyone, and he can accomplish great feats that others in his same position can’t. but even with all that veritable experience and skill, he is ultimately still overtaken by a prodigy whose talents seem endless. it’s why he can hate ushijima but fear kageyama. one is something he can actively fight against, the other is inevitable.

and really, i think that’s the beauty of oikawa tooru, why he’s so beloved by the fandom, even years after he has stopped being relevant to the narrative. beyond the fluff and goofiness and hijinks, there’s someone there who is really, truly, human.

an aside with much less significance/why do people think this??

so here’s one thing: even though oikawa has fangirls, i wonder what he actually thinks of them. for one, it’s only natural for anyone to be super flattered if people think you’re hot stuff. that’s just... i don’t think he’s weird if he pays attention to them. but i think that people are conflating his being kind to them to being genuinely egotistical due to the attention. actually, i think these are opposing ideas and a contradiction of who oikawa is. when you’re an arrogant person, you think that you deserve all the attention you’re getting and you’re not going to bother with the people who worship you.

but that’s not at all what oikawa does. he’s rather kind to his fans. i would never say that he’s self-effacing, but knowing what you’re worth is different from being pompous. and think about it. it’d be a real jerk move for oikawa to not say nice things to them and thank his fangirls when they spend time, energy, and effort to make him food and see his games. he would just be a genuinely awful person if he didn’t at least give them thanks. it’d be more alarming if he didn’t talk to them, at least in my opinion. more than anything, we should consider this: why is it that oikawa has the fan club and not anyone else on the seijoh team? i’m sure a part of it is because he’s attractive and the captain of a team, but i think it’s more than that, too. we see these interactions from other perspectives, but i think that reflects more on those around oikawa than oikawa himself if they don’t understand why he acts the way he does with those girls.

another thing: i don’t think that anyone can question that oikawa is very pretty, or handsome, or whatever descriptor you would like. it’s prevalent in fandom (see: pretty setters squad), but he is also the only person in canon to be acknowledged by other characters as being particularly good-looking. maybe the miyas count at this point? i’m not sure. but i don’t really understand where people get the idea that he is particularly focused on his appearance, though. there is literally no indication of that from the material that i have seen. and maybe he uses that to his advantage with his fangirls, but i highly doubt that, in all honesty. i think that it’s fun to imagine him being into these things as a hobby, but it irks me greatly when i see that people spend time saying that oikawa wakes up extra early just to fix his hair or slather on foundation/concealer just to look presentable.

he’s a teenaged boy who clearly has other things that worry him, he’s a full-time student, and volunteers to coach at lil tykes volleyball classroom in his free time. he wouldn’t have time to spend on his hair or makeup. and we even seen in the hanger tooru special that he even wakes up looking like that.

he is au naturale, my friends. and we even know how little he gives thought to his own body, if you take into account his knee brace. for oikawa, his body is merely the medium through which he can accomplish his goals. we even have evidence of this when we see oikawa up all night studying karasuno game play or via his knee brace. he doesn’t know how to stop or understand when enough is enough. he breaks himself if there’s no one to watch him.

also, just... how would makeup work, logistically speaking? i don’t wear makeup, but i’m thinking that foundation and concealer and hair product would be, um, really bad. like, it’d run down his face and stuff. also, it’d probably get into his eyes, too? seriously. i’m not against oikawa wearing makeup in the slightest cause he’d be even prettier, but we know that oikawa would absolutely not jeopardize his chances in any way.

thank you for reading this long-winded, probably awful look into my favorite character of all time. and i do mean that. he is my favorite character in all of media. which, like, says a lot when he’s competing against the casts of a:tla, call me by your name, and my actual favorite book, the song of achilles. after all of that, if you would like another (better) analysis of oikawa’s character, i suggest this reddit thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/haikyuu/comments/94irsi/character_analysis_16_oikawa_tooru_discussion/

#oikawa tooru #haikyuu #character analysis #i'm so sorry about this #i just had to get this off of my chest #thanks for coming to my ted talk

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mewtwo24 · 4 years

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Noragami Thoughts

After a few years of not looking at this series (which is completely understandable, I very much wish the creator a full recovery) I was blown away upon my first return to the story.

Granted this isn’t the first time I’ve ever felt something so deep for a polished work, but I’d like to say it all the same--returning to Noragami felt like coming home. I’m a completely different person than I was when I first encountered the series, but I was surprised to find that my high regard for it didn’t change at all.

If anything, it only increased.

Thoughts below the cut because this is long, and I just needed to get my ideas down (good old catharsis). Don’t open if you aren’t caught up with the manga! There are spoilers.

I love this manga. Truly, I do, and one of the things that I noticed going back is how expertly Adachitoka handles both Yato’s self-understanding and the perception of the other gods. I think what levels me the most about this manga is that its emotional highs and lows are not only expertly controlled (we experience the weight never quite to the point of devastation, even though things are culminating in that direction) but the way we experience the characters is just...so breathtaking?

I love that the reason we hurt so much when they’re hurting isn’t always because we see the character in question in anguish. It’s because we see everyone that loves them suffer so acutely when they’re not okay.

And how beautiful is that? Something about that choice--that narrative decision to take trauma, to take pain and make it something that is always about love, is astonishing to me. I don’t think I know of another series that does it quite so poignantly as Noragami does. It expertly executes what I like to call “the anime effect”; in which we are so easily taken in by the humor we are utterly blind-sided when the world comes crashing down on the characters with full force.

And if that seems farfetched, just look at a handful of the recent examples. (I’m positive I could find more if I went looking back.) Kazuma is in a state of utter crisis because of what happened to Bishamonten, and the sheer desperation of everything he has done is chilling. His face and his self-deprecating words do little to hide the turmoil, but I feel like sometimes that’s lost in all of his shenanigans with Yato. We feel it in the moment, but we’re so swept away by the plot that it’s almost sidetracked. Almost. Until we get to the absolutely heartwrenching panel of Bishamon crying after he reports what he’s doing--essentially what he’s always done. Being devoted to her to the point of self-destruction; because it’s precisely the outcome she was trying to avoid in using another shinki against Fujisaki.

Take another, Ebisu. We see him painstakingly working despite his adorable youth to bridge the gaps that his predecessors failed to, to right every wrong he possibly can. He’s approaching the future with fresh eyes. But then we see that, even though he’s trying hard to be strong, there’s something more there. The older Ebisu, knowing that his fate was to perish long before any great age, had come to terms with that--as best as any person could possibly come to terms with that--and was already invested in protecting his successor. Gently, earnestly, firmly. We see a younger Ebisu that is enthralled with him, and the reader naturally assumes young Ebisu sees him as a parental figure. But then we get those shocking lines, the ones that mention how scared his predecessor must have been. How hard a lifetime of secrecy must be, how hard it must be for his closest retainer to keep secrets as well. We see an Ebisu that is young, yes, and with plenty of mourning available to him--and he takes it all in stride. Seeks to alleviate a great weight that was never his responsibility to begin with. But he takes it anyway, at the sight of their struggle. He makes it his own, despite the danger, because he loves them; as most young children do, without reserve.

And the surprising one, Nana. We see Yato make an attempt to ask for her help in ending Fujisaki once and for all--and Nana doesn’t seem entirely against the prospect of a fight--but Ara-habaki banishes him at the mere prospect of lending her over for that purpose. The meaning of that gesture? Profound and undeniable. Nana is utterly touched by the implication, is moved that somebody in this shoddy excuse of an afterlife would give a damn about her feelings as compared to her value as a shinki. We see a god that once again rejects the prospect of using shinki like chess pieces, and we even see Yato’s misgivings about using her to begin with--it was an act of desperation, and he moves no further when he’s reminded that it’s wrong. When he’s reminded that this isn’t the sort of thing he should do. After all, how can he look Yukine and Hiyori in the eye with the knowledge that he used a child to protect them? An unrelated party, a person who has never seen life because of her incredible power, and has been used one too many times to win a war that was never her responsibility.

And then, we have Yukine. Good fucking god, I can’t even start on this one without crying. I truly can’t. Granted I don’t know the intention of Adachitoka when first writing this (feels intentional), but the parallels between Yukine and Yato? Absolutely destroy me. There was nothing left in my heart but sorrow for the last few chapters. Here’s why.

We have Yato, or perhaps I should say Yaboku, yes? Who takes on Yukine as his shinki. As we all well know (and probably want to scream) Yaboku was the victim of considerable abuse by Fujisaki. I probably don’t need to go into the finer points, but coercion, blackmail, and outright threats have been exchanged, to say nothing of the way he uses Yato’s emotional suffering for his explicit amusement. Yato is a tool to him, nothing more. Anything Yato wants can and will be used against him for the sake of tightening Fujisaki’s collar around his neck even tighter.

Yato is no stranger to the kind of pain that comes from being the child of a person that does not remotely love you. A guardian who appreciates nothing, recognizes nothing, praises nothing, protects no one unless it is of use to them. Feelings, fairness, humanity--none of those things matter.

Enter Yukine. In milliseconds Yato is charged with the care of a young man who was veritably buried alive by his own father. With nothing and no one to help him, an entire life lost--devastated--by the person that was intended to care for him. That kind of betrayal on its own, is purely horrific. There are no words I can say, nothing I can offer that can speak to the monstrosity of something like that. But I would like to offer that the way Adachitoka brings us to this truth is what makes it so utterly tearjerking. That it is precisely the narrative style of tangentially enclosing on the subject that is so ruinous I can barely see my screen, even now as I write.

It’s because we knew, even when we didn’t know.

From the very first moment, we see Yato accept Yukine and he covers his eyes with his arm. We see tears streak down his face but he makes no further comment to any of it, keeping quiet with his subsequent silly antics.

Strike one.

Throughout the course of manga we see allusions to how Yato encourages Yukine to learn what he didn’t get the chance to in his human life, sifting through workbooks and engaging with schoolwork with Hiyori’s help.

Strike two.

When Yukine is locked inside the box the other gods enforce during the trial in heaven, trying to pressure information out of Yato? We see Yato panic at exponential degrees, begging them to let Yukine out because neither of them can breathe.

Strike three.

Yukine’s pervasive fear of dark, enclosed spaces?

Strike four.

And last, but absolutely not least, we see Yato digging where Yukine was presumably left to die. Nora notes that he was so on edge that he was hyperaware of his surroundings, forcing her to watch from a distance. Let that sink in. Yato was already so taken with his charge, with respecting his dignity and suffering as a person, that he would be damned if he let Fujisaki interfere. Not only that, we visibly see Yato’s absolute horror, the distress in every line of his face as he races to the site of murder and digs like a madman, no thought to his own fear or discomfort.

He takes more responsibility for Yukine’s care than the kid’s own father ever did.

Strike five.

Hiyori begins to outright sob when she too, brings all of the pieces together so quickly; that moment of realization, where every fragment of odd behavior suddenly transfigures itself into a coherent image, the mosaic visible. We experience Yato’s horror twofold when it echoes in Hiyori, and we feel the depth of her sorrow to know that somebody she cares about suffered such an egregious indignity. And to top all that off, we are aligned with her in this moment as one of solidarity. Yukine is rough around the edges sure; but we love him, and his fate is one we would wish on nobody.

Strike six.

And, my dear readers, is that enough for us? Are we feeling enough hurt quite yet, Adachitoka asks? Fuck no.

Because now we know that Yato not only carried the weight of Yukine’s trauma, but we also know how deeply he understood. Granted, their fates were a little different, but he knows. He knows how infuriating helplessness can be, the incapacity to stop the hurt at its source; because their lives were changed irrevocably beyond their control. Neither of them got to choose who they were born to. And even so he still tries to do right by Yukine, even if his attempts at care are awkward or ridiculous or roughly hewn--they’re utterly, heartbreakingly genuine. And he chooses to be better than his father no matter how many times he messes up; never, ever sinks to those lows. Never uses Yukine, never ignores his will, would never risk his life--even if it meant saving his own (Fujisaki sees literally everyone that will not contribute to his aspirations as expendable). And that’s what makes me cry, even more than the refrigerator scene. Because Yato would never put Yukine at risk to save his own life, even though next to no one has ever given a damn about him, even though Yukine pokes fun at him all the time and hurts him when he acts out of line/immorally, even though he had every liberty to treat him like an item or coerce him. He doesn’t. Or perhaps more accurately he can’t; not when he knows how much that hurts.

The other gods assume Yato to be lazy, irresponsible, unfeeling, selfish. Yato could have dropped Yukine like a rock. Could have said lol no thanks, this ain’t it chief, and decided to find another shinki that would cause him less grief.

He doesn’t.

And that’s what’s so awful about their falling out. Because Yato cares, cares beyond his capability to express, cares to the point of unrelenting faith in him. But he’s the certified goofball. The disgrace among the gods. A no-name. And he’s fully internalized that. He struggles with vulnerability, has to be somewhat drunk or flees the scene shortly after any expression of heightened feeling--and we can thank daddy Fujisaki for that. Yato understands his love for others as a purely destructive force; if being around him isn’t enough to ruin their lives, Fujisaki will ensure it. And that conditioning doesn’t go away in mere weeks of renouncing an abuser.

He loves Yukine and Hiyori so much that he no longer cares if he dies if it means that they live freely. He spent an entire god-span lifetime trying to remain in existence by any means possible, was obsessed with surviving at any cost. And yet, the moment his loved ones are at risk, it no longer matters.

Not only is he capable of more altruism than his father was ever capable of, he directs it whole-heartedly to the people devoted to him. When he was given no love, no solace, no semblance of worth of any kind--he still gives their existence meaning and would do everything in his power not to hurt them.

And that’s why I love Noragami. Because it does precisely what so few stories do, imo. It shows us that people grow for the better only when they find love, and that love can come from unlikely places--that you can love even if it was never, ever given to you.

In Noragami, we come to understand that love is a choice. And sometimes it brings us pain, sometimes it brings us joy, but it always brings us to a better place.

I would like to end this all with the words that bring this entire analysis together, in the beauty of knowing that Adachitoka by no means implies this without clarity.

Nana and Fujisaki are two of the strongest characters that we have ever seen in this manga. Fujisaki is motivated, iirc, by the loss of the love of his life. This aching bitterness, the sheer undying rage inspired by her life cut short is what enables him to transcend every barrier that should stand in the way of a human being, presumably. He is our insight into what happens when love is twisted, we see a potential that was utterly lost to selfishness and cruelty--one that reverberates through Yato starkly.

We see the danger of improper mourning, of an incapacity to let go. A truth Yato understands: life must go on, that it must keep flourishing anew no matter how much the growing pains sting.

And here, we see Nana. In her profound compassion, she understands that every single life is a meaningful individual, that they are innumerable points of value and beauty and worth in the world, and as such her death cannot be a source of sorrow. There is a clarity of understanding; she knows she is not alone in her experience, she knows that all human beings encounter trials and tribulations. She knows that she is not the first to die so young, so unfairly. And that’s what grants her strength. Yato calls it self-sacrifice, and while I understand that he assumes it to be a self-martyring conviction, I don’t think that’s quite what she’s getting at. Look at her dialogue, the careful phrasing: “It hurts more when someone you love dies.” She’s not saying she would rather die 1:1, she’s saying that the worst experience a person can have is seeing their cherished one in agony. The worst feeling, the only thing that could ever hurt her beyond sanity, is watching someone dear to her suffer without any means to stop it. Precisely what warped Fujisaki beyond repair.

“He loves Yukine and Hiyori so much that he no longer cares if he dies if it means that they live.” Reread those panels with that understanding. He literally marvels at Nana’s capacity to do that, to love people with so much tenderness and generosity, when he doesn’t even seem to realize that he’s doing it himself. That he too, is noble and strong, even if he can’t believe it.

And that’s the whole point. That’s the entire grounding of this manga. That love is what drives us, that we are made to love, and through love we find peace and self-understanding even in the most turbulent of times. I wouldn’t be remotely surprised if it is to be Hiyori’s devotion to him--ever steady, ever pure in its intentions and belief--that will be what grants Yato the strength to overcome Fujisaki, and heal Yukine.

And having said all that, I know they probably won’t see this but I still feel the need to say it anyway. Thank you, Adachitoka. Works like this are the ones that inspire me to keep trying, that bring me to tears as much as it makes me smile. I can only hope I can create somethings so wonderful someday.

#noragami #noragami aragoto #noragami spoilers #noragami aragoto spoilers #noragami yato #noragami hiyori #noragami yukine #noragami ebisu #noragami kazuma #noragami bishamonten #noragami fujisaki #bro the new chapters had me shaking and crying #deadass still can't fully process what this manga means to me #this was just a shallow attempt at getting to the heart of it #god damn adachitoka have mercy #if any of you managed to get through that you have my sincere thanks and congratulations #analysis

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