#I want to text Zack so bad but I hate him I just want him to take his stupid fucking words back
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It still feels so strange to be living here again
#it’s just bizarre. I was so depressed I was so young I got so hurt here lol. I guess I have been ignoring those thoughts#I still do think about it fairly often certain things trigger certain memories but it’s still just the same reprocessing as always#but I realise this whole thing me moving back here must be kind of actually triggering to me in a way. but I haven’t been letting myself thi#think that#it’s really so strange#just being here#I’ve almost gotten over it it’s just hard to correlate the distance between who I was and who I am#like nothing has changed but everything’s changed but it feels like it should all be the same still like time never even moved#but my mother is not here not that she’s far but she’s not here which is devistating.#and I’m so old now I’m 21 I’ve grown up im not 11 im not that stupid anymore but right now im equally as alone which is hilarious. in a way#I can’t let anything go it’s so painful#I want to text Zack so bad but I hate him I just want him to take his stupid fucking words back#so scared of the girl I love I still leave everyone every chance I get I can’t stop leaving god it sucks it’s horrible#all I have is the night. it’s literally the only constant I know. I’m crazy#it’s so easy to forget who I am. I’m so bad at spending my time wisely these days. hedonist for numb#anyway sorry I’m not writing in my diary lately so u guys get to read this crap hope u find it interesting#personal
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NOTHING TURNS TO SOMETHING (pt.1)
Summary: You’ve known chris your whole life. When he gets a girlfriend you are happy for him, right?
Warnings: fluff, dom!chris, fem!reader,
—————————
CHRIS POV
7:00 PM
“matt hurry the fuck up we gotta pick up mya” i said.
mya is my girlfriend. we recently got together and our 6 month is coming up so i decided to take her out for dinner. We’ve been arguing a little more recently. I thought this would be a nice gesture.
“yo why don’t you shut the fuck up and get your drivers license then maybe you could pick her up yourself!” matt yells
“bro can you guys stop arguing, matt you do need to hurry up though chris doesn’t wanna be late” nick says
“wait mya’s calling me hold on” i said answering her call.
📞
“hey”
“hey, what’s up?”
“soo i kinda cant make it tonight..”
“what? why?” i said clearly upset
“well you know zack right? my best friend?”
“yeahhh…?”
“well he’s coming over cause’ like he called me and asked if i was busy but i kinda told him no and i missed him because we haven’t seen eachother since like….october so yeah sorry”
i heard her start..laughing? was she already with him?
“uh that’s fine i guess, i just thought we could have a night to ourselves”
“yeah well sorry but goodnight, bye chris.” she hung up on me.
📞
well what the fuck.
—————————
Y/N POV
8:08 PM
i was about to fall asleep when i got a text from chris
i’ve always said i was happy for chris and mya but was i?
i have had a crush on chris since i was little.
i know it’s bad and i truly am happy he found someone but, why couldn’t it be me?
8:30 PM
“bro lowkey mya’s a bitch don’t mind her” matt says to chris
“yeah exactly i mean i’m not tryna dawg on her but why would she do that if she knew you wanted to do this tonight??” i said sounding annoyed.
“yeah i don’t know guys i’ll just talk to her tomorrow morning, i mean she hasn’t seen him for a while.” chris wants to make the situation sound better.
“yeah you fucking better” nick says emerging from his room.
a couple hours pass and we had just been playing games and laughing until…
—————————
CHRIS POV
“guys myas calling!!” i said laughing a little.
📞
“i think we should talk” my face immediately drops
“uh about what??”
“we need to break up.”
“what?” i said clearing my throat
“i said we should break up.” she says firmer than before
“why, i thought we were okay?”
“well we aren’t, plus zach doesn’t like you so..” she trails off
“so that’s it? we’re done like that?”
“i mean yeah, that’s what i said.”
silence.
“also i’ve been sleeping with zach for 3 months”
“what?” i said angry and upset
“yeah, love ya, peace out chrissy”
📞
—————————
Y/N POV
everyone has fallen asleep by this point except me and chris.
we all tried comforting him but nothing seemed to work.
“it’s okay chris, it isn’t your fault she’s a self centered bitch” i said wiping his cheeks.
“yeah but what if i wasn’t giving her what she wanted. and she said she was sleeping with zach for 3 months” he said through sobs
“she did FUCKING what??”
“yeah, i know. what if i’m bad at sex and she just hates me because i couldnt give her what she wanted”
“chris i’m sure you’re good at sex and she’s just talking out of her ass, i bet zach can’t even make her cum” i said laughing
“yeah, maybe”
an awkward silence fills the room
“can i show you that i’m good at sex?”
———————————————————————
#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#spotify#sturniolo smut#sturniolo triplets smut
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CRACK APHMAU AU:
Okay imagine this, Aphmau, but instead of going to Phoenix Drop High she goes to Okhasis Prep. She goes in to take the entrance exam for Okhasis Prep and it's surprisingly easy (Zack payed off the school board bcs he made bank off working with the Ro'meaves so he's loaded and even though he's absentee he pays a shit ton of child support to Sylvana and the mystery woman he cheated on her with)
So she passes and she's accepted into the school after being in a Montessori school (primary/elementary) and then a private school (Junior High/Middle School). So she gets there and who does she meet? Liochant, who immediately takes her under his wing and teaches her all about the school and where to find things. He's also a sub in mentor so he's able to walk around with Aphmau and fill her in about all the clubs and social events that will happen just in case she wants to join a club or go to a pep rally.
After she gets a grasp on the school, she walks around the gym (It's like in PDH when there are a bunch of booths set up for clubs and stuff) and overhears that the soccer team is going to be holding tryouts in 3 months because their previous captain graduated and so did like half the players and the captain never set up a reserve team. She pulls out her notepad because I say so and this is my AU so what I say goes and I decide that she has a notepad with her at all times and she scribbles down that she should remember that.
Then she hears distant screaming and she looks up to so who? THE DAEMOS BOYS. She decides to steer clear of them because now one of the 5 boys in the group is now throwing fireballs and she's weirded out. She goes to her homeroom class after the club social lets out and she's one of the first people there thanks to Liochant showing her where everything is. She pulls out her phone and starts texting her online friend on it (I HATE AARON WITH EVER FIBER OF MY BEING HE WILL BE ERASED FROM THIS AU SOONER OR LATER. HE WILL ANSWER FOR HIS CRIMES🤬)
Then Noi sits down next to her and even though she said she wouldn't ever approach even one of those five boys Noi's just so sweet she can't not talk to him when he starts asking her about herself with stars in his eyes. Basically they're best friends by the end of the class and he offers to introduce her to his friends and she says "No thx haha they scare me..!!" and bolts off to the exit so she can walk home because if it's just Noi it's fine but she doesn't associate with crazy people so the rest of his friend group is off limits.
She's walking and she sees GARROTH AND LAURANCE ON THE OTHER SIDEWALK. She glanced over at them and they look over the Garroth trips over his own feet idc and he falls flat on his face. Aphmau turns her head and looks forward in second hand embarrassment while Laurance tries to help Garroth up off the concrete.
So I just re-read this and it's so bad and so unlike what I usually do it's almost embarrassing. But I'm committed and kind of sleep deprived rn so I'm probably going to fixate on this for a fat minute 🤭
#aphmau#fandom#aphmau pdh#minecraft#pheonix drop high#roleplay#okhasisprep#Liochant#Daemos#Noi#my inner demons#aphmau au#feral au#aphmau laurance#garroth ro'meave#laurance zvhal
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⭐
I finally figured out how I want to answer. I'll give a "director's cut" of this passage from the Chrissy B. fic that gives some more insight into Zack and Nellie's relationship because I've honestly been wanting to talk about it so bad 😂
She worried at her lip with her teeth. Truthfully, it was more than just confusing. There was a twinge of guilt, too, unsure if her and Chris's flirtation was going behind Zack’s back somehow.
Was it?
“Well… it’s been more than three years since you and Zack broke up, right?” Torrance noted. “And it’s not like it was a bad break-up; I’ve never seen two exes who are better friends than you two. I really don’t think Zack would take it personally if you and Chris started hanging out again.”
The corners of Nellie’s mouth turned down in thought. That had been her first inclination, too—until she’d woken up to Zack’s happy birthday text that morning, the very first message she’d gotten that day.
Happy birthday, darling. I’m sorry I’m not there to celebrate it with you today. Sushi and sake on me when I get back x
She’d been overthinking it all day—probably because of the developing situation with Chris. But rather than tell that to Torrance, she just turned back to her closet with another muttered, “Maybe.”
--
Even though this snippet is from an AU of Nellie's story, the stuff going on between her and Zack is pretty canon. Zack and Nellie are those exes who everyone—including themselves—believes that had circumstances been different, they would probably still be together. And I haven't gone into it much, but Zack definitely views Nellie as the one he let get away... even though he'd probably never admit that to anyone except his closest friends, which includes Chris. Which is why Chris pursuing Nellie would be complicated at best and a real dick move at worst.
And as for in the canon fic... well. Zack kinda hates that Nellie moves on from him with Jay, and when he sees how rocky their relationship is, it only upsets him even more. I plan to touch on that in Jay/Nellie fic I'm currently working on. And then when David becomes the one to pick up the pieces in the aftermath of Jay... yeah. I think Zack definitely wishes he could go back in time and do things differently, because there's a part of him that's still in love with Nellie.
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We Are Go for Launch
Part 1
You know what? It wasn’t so bad. Maybe Zack could appreciate the small things in life. He could appreciate the fact that his husband was having a good time with the time clone/little brother he usually hated. Maybe he could appreciate the empty kitchen left to his own creative whim. He could appreciate-
“OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!”
“TU L’AS VU ?! TU L’AS VU ?!”
Zack let out a sharp, loud groan, which was ignored by the cheering- or were they arguing now?- pair of French men. It was the World Cup, it was a “big deal” apparently, and it was a pain in his ass. He was covering John’s turns for taking care of the kids so that he could enjoy the game, and while Zack was annoyed and would loudly complain about it, it’s not like he would just STOP taking care of them. He loved his children, and he loved his husband and he-
“Fuck this.” He snapped as another uproar started from the couch.
When there was no response (as was expected by this point) Zack left the kitchen table where Toby and Casey were making a crayon mess on paper, grabbed a jacket and his house keys and went to the door.
“I SAID FUCK THIS!!!” He shouted before whisking out of the room and slamming the door behind him. At least this way SOMEONE would notice that he was going out.
... Now what?
He meandered along the sidewalk for a little while, aimless. While the city sounds weren’t exactly quiet, it was better than direct yelling in a single room. He already did shopping earlier in the week, and while he could browse some shelves it just… He wasn’t in the mood for it. There were no good movies out right now, none that he knew of at least. Today wasn’t even Temple Day, so only truly down on their luck losers would be there and he wasn’t sure he had the wherewithal to help them right now.
Alex. What about Alex? She They would listen to him complain about his husband/their soulmate best friend thing. Plus seeing his niece would be nice… And Alex’s cabin was usually pretty calm and quiet, even if there were some really fucking weird characters walking through now and again.
Well. Usually. As in, not this time around.
After a short and speedy flight to the cabin, he landed on the porch. Zack had barely raised his hand for a quick knock on the door when he heard the muffled shouting behind the door. He raised an ear to the door, trying to hear what the hell was going down.
“- always do this! You always criticize me! That’s if you’re even there in the first pl-” He didn’t recognize that voice…
“NO I DON’T!!! We! Haven’t! Met! I don’t “always” do these things you say, because I was never fucking there!” That was Alex. There was a cold tightening in his chest at hearing how utterly pissed they sounded. He took a step back.
“NO! You WEREN’T there! You only showed up to tell me how bad I was at things! You were a shitty mo-”
“I! AM NOT! YOUR GODDAMED! MOTHER!!!”
Zack bolted. Time might have slowed down a little bit to ensure a clean escape too. There was maybe a tiny crumb of curiosity about what the hell was going on in there, but self preservation won out. Even during some of their worst arguments, Zack couldn’t remember hearing Alex THAT upset, and he did NOT want to step in the middle of the mess. Maybe he should be calling someone (like John) to intervene, or checking to see if Deb was inside and okay. He’d almost think that WAS Deb if the voice Alex was fighting with wasn’t as sharp. Deb was a sweet and soft spoken little gremlin, there’s no way that was her.
Hiding in the clouds- Not hiding, just chilling, someplace a pissed off little sister would never go- he got an idea...
A couple weeks ago, preparing for Thanksgiving with John and Ghost, the kitchen was tense and quiet. He and John had got into a bit of an argument and it fizzled out into the environment they sat in now- whatever, didn’t matter. What DID matter was the text Zack got while stirring the gravy as it simmered.
“YES!!! FUCK YES, Babe check it out!!”
He turned the phone towards two identically startled faces. He barely gave either of them enough time to snap out of it, let alone read the text.
Thalti: To M*ster Egbert-M*ller,
We are pleased to *nforme you that the f*nal paperwork concern*ng the rental of The Canary, as well as contracts w*th P*lot Thalt* Gosped have been completed and f*led. You are now cleared for launch! As well as th*s text message, your p*lot w*ll send you any add*t*onal bus*ness contact *nformat*on.
Thank you for p*cking *nterstelar *nternat*onals for your scen*c tr*ps through the stars!
Thalti: To be honest Mr. Egbert-Miller, I don’t really have any other business xontaxt info? Texting this number is the best way to reaxh me, espexially if you need me outside of business hours for whatever reason. Looking forward to flying with you.
...
Now, high in the clouds, Zack pulled that text back up and started typing.
Zack: Hey, I’m gonna head to the shuttleport rn. Can we go for that maiden voyage or whatever?
Thalti: I’ll have the Xanary there in 3 minutes, sir.
Zack: Sweet
#Character:#Zack#alex's supernatural stories#(but not really this is Zack's thing)#This happened a couple weeks ago it's just taken me forever to get it finalized
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Back for round 2, we still have a good 9 days until Nini's screen time in the show drops and only 3 more days of fun Gina. So prepare yourself.
previous -- next
Hsmtmts season 1 episode 2 thoughts under the cut:
So the old music teacher was supportive of Nini, and was either the reason Nini got into musical theater or Nini didn't even fucking audition despite her wanting a role in the musical. Either way there is no reason for us to feel bad for her, god, she's so infuriating
And then she was in the ensemble once so boo hoo, let's get out the tiniest violin for Nini
Ricky is such a classic teenage boy, and big red's just going along with it
This is what I'm confused about, why does EJ have so many followers. Yeah some kids at my school have a lot of followers but that's from people they know. EJ is acting like an influencer, is this a thing that happens in America?
Ashlyn has already improved
I think EJ has some right to be concerned considering her ex, who she didn't break up with before starting to date EJ is actively trying to date her
Like just be like "Yo, I'm worried you're going to get back with Ricky, cause he's doing all this stuff to try to get bac with you" and she can be like "yo, valid concern, however, I'm over him" IDK, just talk about our issues
Why does Seb need glasses while he's milking but now when he's reading
"Where are the sparks from the audition" if you had looked into the drama you would've know this is a terrible idea
✨️✨️✨️Gina eaves dropping✨️✨️✨️
I never realised they're talking about Zack Roy
Miss Jenn, wtf are you doing making kids come in early so you can force them to kiss despite the fact that it isn't in the movie and one doesn't want to. If Carlos wasn't there it would be straight up weird
As much as I hate Nini, she is completely in the right with this, bring this up to the principal girl, he'll probably take your side since he seems to hate Miss Jenn
Also fake kissing, exists
I love the Caswell cousins
I love that after Ashlyn is like "you don't need to see her texts" he immediately asks her to steal her phone for him. Like what have they been through that would make him think she would do that for him. I never realized how much I miss this dynamic
"She's not like other girls" fuck off
"She makes me better" EJ, you're about to steal something and you poisoned someone. I don't know what you consider better or what spell she has you under to think that.
I love the way Carlos giggles as he explains curtain calls to Ricky
It just occasionally cutting to Gina watching, like yes girl, give us shady 🥰
They're all just like wtf did Gina just do. She has no fear and I love that
Nini, you're so fucking rude. Talk to Ricky. Get over yourself, if you want to be the lead, you're going to have to be more mature
Deal with this outside of rehearsal
Maybe you're the one wasting everyone's time with your immaturity
Carlos is so fucking stressed over this
Why do you expect someone who you have shown time and time again to not care about, to care about you?
The entire world doesn't revolve around you, he got the part, fair and square. Either ignore the issue, or deal with it outside of rehearsal. Stop making it Carlos' problem
She's like I'm not going to talk about it, then starts an argument every chance she gets
Rickyyy, you're not just taking up space. Nini, look at what you did to our baby. When he already had all this stress at home
The cogs in Gina's head turning
Big red just getting left behind 🥲
Wait was she lying about her neighbour's kid
Gina acting all scary, cause she's afraid inside. This is why she's my favourite character
Why are insulting Carlos 🥲
Mike just watching everything go down in Ricky's life
I miss all the background characters
Why wouldn't Ricky just go up to Carlos
I never realised how many scenes Ricky and Carlos had together
I still hate how the song Ashlyn wrote is just to further Nini's character development
They're acting so shady about EJ lol
"It doesn't matter who texted you it's no one's business"
And he starts a long journey of Miss Jenn being mean to Seb
I fucking love Gina
Gina's starting to come into the story more so that's nice. I think tomorrow is really when she shines so can't wait for that. I'm hoping the worst of Nini is over, there still the everyone doing huge favours for he and her never thanking any of them which will be annoying, but I think I can manage.
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November 23, 23... continued
Saturday evening I went to Grape Fest with Sasha which was also really fun. It was super busy but we had a good time & some good laughs, I enjoy her company a lot, she's a good one.
Sunday I went to a new church. I was a bit nervous but I'm glad I went. A girl my age sat beside me & we ended up talking afterwards, I asked if she needed prayer & we exchanged prayer requests & numbers.
Later I met up with Daniel at Courtyard for a beer & then we went for nearly a 2 hour walk. It was pretty nice, he's really genuine & intentional. We had really great conversation about life & ended up getting pretty vulnerable. He's a good guy & I'm glad to have him as a friend.
Monday I ended up going to Okotoks because Ed canceled our meetings. I told Danny I forgave him which was nice, we hugged it out & its in the past. This guy Braeden works there, I know he's just a young kid but damn he's nice to look at.
I went to Anneriekes for late birthday dinner & visit with J. It was good but always all about Steve. It was nice to hear the update at least but man, it's like you try to keep her at arms length but after that night she's texted me like 5 times, sent me a bunch of stuff on IG it's just a lot. I feel bad but I just got to watch myself & my time.
Tuesday night I went for sushi with Kamber - finally met up with her since like 3 months ago. I really love that girl too, she's so sweet & we always have such a great time. I'm really glad to have met her & our friendiversary is coming up too in January so I need to find that out.
Yesterday I essentially got off for the week since it's US thanksgiving. I had a meeting & cleaned the house etc. Zack started texting me a bunch again. I really did plan to never talk to him again, but I was worried about him again... we ended up talking, went to nose hill & just had a brief talk. I could see it in his eyes. I understand his pain. I understand how much he doesn't want to live like this. It really saddens me. I stood my ground though & my boundary was clear. He knows if he does something again that I'm blocking his number 100% & he will never hear from me again. I think he gets it but who knows. I wonder why I do this. He's my kryptonite. He's that one person that could treat me horribly & I will always come back because I fell so hard. I find him so attractive that I can't not look at him. I hate it. I hate what he does to me, how he makes me feel. But I will keep my stance & I will protect myself. I deserve more & i deserve better, I know. Then Shane came over & we played some switch games. It was nice, chill. He bought me a vegas knights toque & signed Marchessau jersey. I was beside myself.. He does too much. He's too kind. I feel like I trust him but I don't want to hurt him & I know I'm in no place to be seeing anyone anyways, nor do I even want to. He's a good friend though, really does respect my boundaries which I appreciate.
Anyways - that's all for now. Im heading out for dinner at the Keg and have a massage tomorrow morning. I'm becoming happier. I'm reading more, including an audio book. I'm spending more time on myself & my self care. Spending more time with nova going out, eating cleaner & have been exercising & working out a lot more, been essentially every day for just over a week now so I'm feeling pretty good again.
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Gracious.
9:49 a.m. Playing Tales of Berseria made me nostalgic for Tales of Arise. So I re-downloaded my old save files and the game as if I don't have a million plus things I need to do. That has to be a testament to a good game. I platinumed it a year ago and still want to watch cutscenes and peek at their cute wittle costumes. To be fair, it is a nice change of pace from watching my friend play The Evil Within. So much screaming.
9:53 a.m. Also, CCR releases in two more days and, hiii, hello, I'm not ready. I thought about it some more and, this feels like such a love letter to himbos but, people ask why I'm so drawn to them. Typically, himbos weirdly have WAY more emotional maturity than their masc counterparts and it's so sweet and endearing. They're easy going and are such comfort creatures. I think more people like Zack's character more so than they do Cloud. Way more likable and THIS IS WHY I HATE THE ENDING.
10:28 a.m. People typing furiously in the chat...
3:03 p.m. So confused when mom just texted me about people she thought was going to die... ooooh, our show. Okay, got it.
7:15 p.m. They're babies and I love them so mush.
And I feel so bad for Dohalim. I gave him the absolute dumbest cosmetics despite him being so pretty.
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SERIES.
episode
PAIRINGS. lee haechan, na jaemin, mark lee x fem!ocs
CATEGORY. social media aus, college au, fluff, angst
SUMMARY. a series of social media aus based on songs from Zack Tabudlo’s album of the same name.
SOCIAL MEDIA AUS.
— nct dream!
rating my ex crushes: a thread! | [ 01 ] [ 02 ]
PAIRINGS. 00 line + mark x reader (jaemin centric)
CATEGORY. crack, humor, fluff
SUMMARY. in which you rate your ex crushes because you’re bored.
telling my friends ‘i love you’: a thread! | [ 01 ] [ 02 ] [ 03 ]
PAIRINGS. nct dream x reader (haechan centric)
CATEGORY. crack, humor, fluff
SUMMARY. sending an ‘i love you’ text to your friends and rating their reactions.
my exes as taylor swift songs: a thread!
PAIRINGS. 00 line, mark x reader
CATEGORY. crack, humor, angst
SUMMARY. in which you make a thread about you exes as taylor swift songs.
calling my friends “baby”: a thread! | [ 01 ] [ 02 ]
PAIRINGS. nct dream x reader (jeno centric)
CATEGORY. social media au, crack, humor, fluff
SUMMARY. in which you text your friends “baby” for a twitter thread.
mark lee!
‘tis the damn season
CATEGORY. angst, fluff, slight crack, humor
SUMMARY. in which your ex-boyfriend comes back to your hometown—and he wants to talk to you.
— continuation to the exes as taylor swift songs smau!
STATUS. finished!
lee haechan!
heart can’t lose
CATEGORY. fluff, angst, kind of strangers to friends to lovers, college au, pre-med!haechan, student council president!haechan, education major!oc
SUMMARY. fourth year pre-med student and neo university student council president, haechan lee does not have the time for relationships. instead, he focuses his attention on his studies and extracurriculars, so as not to disappoint his parents. that is until hera seo came along—and everyone starts to wonder if the university’s golden boy would finally let his heart lose.
— first part/story of the episode series!
STATUS. on going!
we never go out of style!
PAIRING. haechan x fem!oc
CATEGORY. short smau, fluff, crack, humor, celebrity!au, athlete!haechan, singer!reader, strangers to lovers-ish
SYNOPSIS. what happens when one of the famous professional volleyball players of the country publicly shoots his shot at a global popstar? well, she shows up to his game with his mother, of course! [or alternatively: the whole world watches as a popstar and an athlete fall in love.]
STATUS. coming soon!
na jaemin!
midnight rain
CATEGORY. social media au, angst, fluff, exes to ???, singer!reader, pediatrician!jaemin
SUMMARY. sometimes you just get some kind of haunted, and you swear you never really think of him anymore—except on midnights like this.
STATUS. on going!
bad idea, right?
CATEGORY. one shot social media au, exes to ???, ex-boyfriend!jaemin
SYNOPSIS. yes, you know that he’s your ex, but can’t two people reconnect?
backburner | [ 01 ] [ 02 ] [ 03 ]
CATEGORY. mini smau, angst, college au
SYNOPSIS. you know that it's sad that you settle for the backburner.
zhong chenle!
i hate accidents (except when we went from friends to this)
CATEGORY. one shot social media au, fluff, crack/humor, fake dating, college!au, best friends to lovers
SYNOPSIS. conversations with your best friend turned fake boyfriend, zhong chenle.
— aespa!
winter kim!
peach eyes
CATEGORY. one shot social media au, fluff, crack/humor, established relationship, celebrity!au, guitarist!winter, actress!oc
SYNOPSIS. what it’s like being the girlfriend of lead guitarist, winter kim.
please do not repost my works anywhere!
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Bitter
Chapter 5
Warnings: Sex, implied sex, sexual references, teeny bit of angst, mentions of bars, alcohol, vomiting and Kaitlin being a sneaky bitch.
I am sure there are spelling and grammatical errors in here. No one is perfect and I’ve been staring at this for hours now. I’ll come back in and make corrections tomorrow, just a PSA before some rude person makes a comment.
Hi all! Here is a chapter for you. I’ve had the worst writers block ever the past few weeks but I honestly watched a bunch of hockey fights and I feel much better. I’d also like to let everyone know Zack MacEwen has officially been added to my Who I write for, which you can find on my Masterlist, which I’ll link here, because he is so hot and dirty and I’m in love with him.
I hope you all enjoy this chapter! Let me know what you think🤍
“What’s your deal?” Mat asked bumping Beau’s shoulder.
“Huh?”
“I mean what’s up with you. You seem weird.”
“Oh nothing. Just tired from the trip this weekend.” Mat frowned and he quick added in “Dealing with Ginny for any amount of time is exhausting. Let alone hours.” Historically, Beau had never been a good liar, and this was a big lie he needed to sell. He’d been thinking about it a lot over the last few days.
If Ginny hadn’t been so dead set against Mat and Leighton finding out, he really wouldn’t have cared. He knew deep down it had less to do with the fact that she hated him, and more to do with the idea of admitting she might like him even a little bit.
“Right. We appreciate it a lot though you know, me more than anyone considering this is my fault.” Mat seemed less stressed this morning. He’d expressed to Beau more than once that he felt an immense amount of crushing guilt over the whole thing.
“Barz , you gotta stop blaming yourself man. What’s happening now, is happening cuz Kaitlin is fucking crazy. You could never have known she was going to react this way.”
“I know, but still. I should have just admitted to myself that I wasn’t over her in the beginning and maybe we wouldn’t be dealing with this bullshit.”
“Maybe not, but maybe she’d have reacted the same way. No one can say. Either way.” He gave him a slap on the shoulder “We got your back. I can’t punch a girl, but Ginny can and she will and I should have let her do it.”
Mat laughed and ran a hand through his hair “Well like I said before, thank you. And maybe you should have, but I don’t think it would have helped anything. But you guys came in clutch with taking the trip for us. We owe you guys, and appreciate it a lot.”
“You better. The director made us walk arm in arm down the aisle.” Beau smiled a little at the memory, and chuckled.
“Bet Ginny loved that one.”
“She did but she’d never admit it.”
Mat laughed and shook his head as they sat down for tape review.
“Seriously though. That was exactly what Leighton needed. She seems better already.”
“Yeah. As much as Ginny and I disagree we both love Leighton so we were happy to do it.”
He paid very little attention during game tape review, thoughts of Leighton and Ginny, and Kaitlin swirling around in his head. There was a lot of feelings invested in this wedding and outside of this wedding. It had been a powder keg from the start, but his involvement with Ginny had rattled everything.
He really did feel bad. He’d promised Mat, Leighton, and God that he wasn’t going to do this and he did.
And he wanted to do it again.
*************
Ginny avoided Beau at all costs the next few days, and buried herself in her work. She didn’t really need an excuse to want to be away from him, but now more than ever she wanted to be. She was still mildly repulsed with herself that she’d had sex with him in the first place, and she did everything in her power to oust the whole evening out of her head.
It did not work.
It was especially hard when he was texting her.
B:Are you okay?
G: I haven’t seen you in days so why wouldn’t I be?
B: Haha, so you wanna do it again? And don’t bother with your ice queen act anymore. I see right through that.
She deleted his messages just as Leighton poked her head around the door and smiled at her.
“Hey best friend!”
Ginny looked up startled and smiled back “Hi! How was the rest of the weekend?” She out on her best fake smile and leaned forward. Leighton looked much better, happier, like the Leighton she knew and loved.
And it broke Ginny’s heart because she had no idea what was happening behind her back.
“It was great. I feel better.” She sat down in her chair and crossed her legs before fixing Ginny with a look.
“So everything was good with the venue? I got the email saying it has been approved.”
“Yes. The venue is beautiful. They ran us through how the day would go, how the reception is set up, and they have all the decor on lockdown so the wicked with of the west doesn’t try any sabotage.”
Leighton nodded and pursed her lips “You don’t think she’d come do you? I mean that would be crazy.”
“Well she is obviously and even if she does, she won’t make it inside. Beau and I talked about it and we’re gonna be keeping an eye out.”
“You guys talked? That’s impressive.”
Ginny coughed and chose her words carefully “Uh yeah….a little. We’re both worried about it, and as much as we hate each other we hate her more. So I guess we can forge some kind of bond over that. But I still don’t like him.” she added for good measure. She felt like she was giving herself away by saying anything nice about him “He was a real pain is the ass on the trip, but for you, I’d do anything.” She felt a sinking feeling that could only be described as guilt settle in her heart. She hated lying to Leighton, something she swore she would never do. And here she was doing it. She would never ever forgive herself for this, and she would carry it around forever and all because she broke the promise she made to herself.
“I know, and I’m so thankful for that. We both are. And who knows maybe by the time the wedding is over you guys will become friends?”
Ginny chuckled and shuffled the papers on her desk “Not likely.”
***********
Ethan was a nice guy, who worked three offices down from Ginny. After several months of small talk, he’d finally asked Leighton if Ginny was single.
Which is how he plucked up the courage to ask Ginny out himself. He was sweet, all American boy, the kind you take home to mom and dad. Ginny, who was so desperate to repress any feelings of Beau that lingered said yes, and made plans for Friday.
She was seated at Leighton’s kitchen island when she heard the door open and two sets of footsteps enter. She closed her eyes and let out a long breath. She hadn’t seen him since that weekend and she didn’t wanna see him ever again. She fought internally to fight the redness that was creeping up her neck, and stared pointedly at the wall until she absolutely had to look at him.
He was watching her, face expressionless and they held eye contact for a few moments before he looked away.
“So are you feeling better?” He asked Leighton, eyes peeking at Ginny as she answered.
“Much better. You two are amazing for helping out this weekend. I hope it wasn’t too much of an inconvenience.” Leighton said as she left the room to follow Mat to their bedroom to get the laundry.
“For you? Never. Right Gin?” Ginny nodded and gave Leighton a tight lipped smile.
“And besides. Me and Ginny needed some quality time together. I feel like I really got to know her this weekend.” He glanced at Ginny again and stretched, shirt riding up to reveal several inches of abs and she pointedly looked away.
Damn him.
“Ew.” She mumbled giving him a disgusted look. He smiled a little, enjoying that he was beginning to get a rise out of her.
“It’s okay Gin. Looking is for free, but touching is going to cost you.”
“No amount of money would be enough to touch you.”
Leighton rolled her eyes and turned to grab the laundry basket. Once she was out of earshot he spoke again.
“Never say never.” He stood and walked up behind her, chest brushing against her back “Sometimes all it takes is one night” he whispered, scruff ticking her neck. She glared at him, and then looked up at the ceiling in an attempt to collect herself.
She made an excuse to leave a little while later, practically bolting out the door and down the hall as quickly as she could so he wouldn’t follow her. She fell asleep uneasy, and pushed him out of her mind in preparation for her date the next evening.
***********
Ethan was in fact a very nice guy. He’d picked her up, held the door, and pulled out her chair for her and now he was dutifully listening to her talk about Leighton’s wedding.
“Sounds like quite the saga. You seem like your a good friend to her.”
“I try to be. This wedding has been especially stressful.”
“How so?” He leaned forward, genuinely interested in what she was saying, and it hurt her.
Because she didn’t like him at all.
She would let him down as easy as she could, and be as nice about it as possible but she really didn’t have a single romantic feeling in her body that could make her like him even a little bit. But she smiled and put on a good show as she told him about Kaitlin.
“That’s insane! Leighton is marrying Mat Barzal right? Big Islanders fan.” Ginny laughed a little and nodded.
“Yes she is.”
“We’ll I hope it all works out for her. Your the made of honor right? Do you have to walk with-“
“Yeah.” Ginny cut him off “And I hate him.”
“Oh. Sorry I didn’t-he seems like such a nice guy.“
“It’s okay. He’s just-we don’t get along. But enough about him.”
Ethan changed the subject and started talking about something she didn’t really care about. Midway thought the conversation she felt a pair of eyes on her. She had a lot of eyes on her most of the time, but this time it felt different. She glanced around, and all at once, she glanced up to find Beau had materialized on a barstool less than ten feet away.
“Goddamnit.” She whispered under her breath as he half turned and met her eye, smiling at her. He looked good, even better than the last time she’d seen him, strong arms braced on the bar, one giant hand wrapped around a glass, large smile stretched across his face.
“What did you say?” Etha asked leaning forward.
“Oh hum nothing-nothing.”
“Uh huh. Uhm I’m gonna use the bathroom, I’ll be back.” He gave her an sweet smile and excused himself. She watched him sadly knowing she would break the poor boys heart, and then remembered her arch nemesis was only a few feet away. Ginny stood, walked forward and slapped her hand on the bar to get his attention. He turned, smile getting wider and he raised his glass.
“Gin! Funny seeing you here-“
“What do you want?” She snapped wanting nothing more than to slap that stupid smile and other off his face. She couldn’t believe he was here, and that he was so boldly trying to ruin a date she didn’t even want to be on.
“How’s your date?” He was grinning slyly at her over his glass. Ethan may have been fooled by Ginny’s poker face, but he wasn’t. From where he was sitting there wasn’t even a tiny bit of interest from Ginny’s end, because Ethan wasn’t the kind of guy she would ever show any interest in. He was too nice, like a puppy staring at her when she talked. She was too much for him to handle. But she was just enough for Beau. She was glaring at him, cheeks turning the color of her hair. He let his eyes drift down her appreciatively. She had on a pair of ridiculously tight jeans that hugged every inch of long legs, and a dark grey sweater. Her hair, which was his favorite thing about her, was hanging loose falling across her back and shoulders.
Damn she was hot.
“Fine thank you very much. Not that it’s any of your business.”
“Really? Cuz it doesn’t look like your having much fun. Not as much fun as we had anyways.”
She could feel herself getting redder by the minute and rolled her eyes, blowing a breath angrily out of her nose.
“That was a one time thing-“
“I think it was a multiple in one night time thing.”
She stared at him for a few moments. He’d been the only guy she’d ever come across who could get her so worked up, before he even really did anything to her. Something about him just pissed her off. He was so smug, so full of himself, and so fucking hot. He pulled himself off the barstool and crowded her, pushing her right up against the ledge of the bar, hand resting on her hip. Her breath hitched as he leaned forward to whisper in her ear.
“We both know that your going to leave here with me so let’s cut through the red tape and get out of here now, and get the evening rolling. I’m not playing any games tonight.”
“I’m on a date-“
“Find a way to be not on a date. Tell the boyscout you had a family emergency or something. I don’t care, but let’s go.”
Ginny bit her lip and looked over his shoulder. Ethan was still in the bathroom and as much as she knew it was wrong, the feeling of his chest pushed up against her made her weak in the knees, and wet between the legs. He extended his hand, pulling her along behind him. When they exited the bar he stopped, and turned to face her, hands coming to either side of her waist. Unable to stop himself he leaned forward and kissed her forcefully, pulling all the air from her lungs.
She gasped pulling away from him after a few moments when a pair of headlights coming to a stop in front of them caught her attention.
“How did you get an Uber so fast?”
“I ordered it the minute I saw you across the bar.”
“You asshole.”
“Whatever. Lets go.”
Ginny felt terrible, and conjured up a lie, a good one and sent Ethan a text.
G: sorry had an emergency, we should do this again sometime though. I had a nice night.
Beau had a smug smile on his face, and she wanted to slap him, but she was also practically shaking in anticipation for what the rest of the evening would hold.
**************
“No Ginny tonight?” Mat asked as he came up behind Leighton while she was cooking. Ginny made it a point to come to dinner at the apartment every Friday, mostly just to spend time with them but also to try and keep Leighton’s mind off Kaitlin.
“No she’s actually on a date.”
“A date?” Mat frowned “Without Beau?”
Leighton made a face but smiled “If he knew she was on one he’d find a way to go mess it up I’m sure.”
“True. Are you doing okay? You seem…someplace else.”
“I’m okay. I just-I have the strangest feeling.”
“What do you mean?” He seated himself at the kitchen island and leaned forward. She turned, brows knitting together and placed a hand on her hip.
“I’m not sure really. I just have a feeling that something is going on, but I can’t put my finger on what it could be.”
“Like with the wedding?”
“Yeah I guess….I don’t know it weird. Probably just stress and anxiety from the whole Kaitlin thing.” She turned back to the stove and shrugged.
“Hey.” He stood and turned her to face him, hands coming to rest on either side of her hips “No one is gonna ruin this day for you. I promise. Okay?”
She smiled and nodded “Okay.” But then her face changed. She coughed and covered her mouth with her hand, body shuddering a little.
“Are you gonna throw up?” He took a step back and turned her to face the sink.
“No I’m okay. I just don’t feel well today, and I haven’t eaten.”
“Leighton we talked about this.” He side stepped her to get to the fridge and pulled out a water bottle “You have to take care of yourself. This running yourself ragged with wedding stuff has to stop.”
“I know. I promise I won’t do it again.” She drank some water and resumed what she was doing, still not feeling well.
A while later she found herself kneeling on the floor of the bathroom Mat concerned behind her “Maybe we should go see a doctor?” Mat questioned from behind her, hands entangled in her hair while she leaned over the toilet.
She was a horrible shade of grey, and sweat had seeped through her T-shirt, and ran down her face. He leaned around to look at her but she swatted him away.
“Don’t look at me.”
“Stop. What do they say during weddings? For rich or for poor-?”
“In sickness and in health? Shouldn’t you know that?”
“I never got that far before.”
Even while hovering over a toilet Leighton chuckled a little, and leaned her forehead on her forearm “Your an idiot.”
“But I made you laugh didn’t I?” He rubbed her back soothingly as another bout of vomit gurgled up her throat.
*************
The headboard of Beau’s bed rocked against the wall, surely waking all his neighbors but he didn’t care. Her eyes were closed and he just couldn’t get over how fucking beautiful she looked under him, hair messy, face flushed her body arched against his. She was so sensitive to his touch and he almost felt bad for the poor schmuck she had left at the bar who was missing out on this tonight.
Now that he’d her once, he knew he had to have her again. He had turned down his regular Saturday night hookup with no real guarantee that she would even come home with him, but when he saw her eyeing him from a cross the club he was determined to get her back in his bed.
Mission accomplished.
“Fuck.” She swore, nails scraping along his neck.
He was panting in her ear and starting to sweat as he moved in and out of her going deeper and deeper.
“Harder.” His hand closed around her throat and she closed her eyes.
“I said harder.”
He bit down hard on the skin of her neck and she cried out with a gasp “You fucker-“
“Your so goddamn tight. Fuck.” He cursed face buried in her hair. He pulled one leg up over his shoulder and pushed in even deeper. Her skin was balmy under his hands and the shimmer of sweat that had appeared over her chest and abdomen was catching the light from outside.
“Ohmygod.” She moaned out. His pushes became erratic and the moaning became louder. She let out a strangled cry as he rammed into her brutally a few times before collapsing on top of her, kissing her sloppily tounge leaving a wet trail around her mouth. She let her hands run across his jaw tugging lightly on the stubble there as she eagerly kissed back.
He pulled away from her, forehead resting in her neck as he attempted to even his breathing. He felt her stiffen suddenly beneath him.
“Get off me.” She said, eyes burning up at him. She was frowning and looked disgusted with him.
He chuckled a little and eased himself out and on to the bed next to her “There’s the Ginny I know.”
“First of all, you don’t know me. And second of all-“
“Can you just shut up for like 2 seconds and enjoy the moment?”
Ginny huffed and wiggled away from him, arms crossed to prevent him from touching her. Even though he’d literally just fucked her brains out two minutes ago, she was laying in his bed acting like she didn’t even want him to breathe the same air as her.
“What is this anyways?” She asked finally. He could only see her profile, the light from the outside only throwing enough to make her out faintly, but he could her the uncertainty in her question.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean this. What is this.” She gestured between them and sat up, pulling the sheet up to cover herself. Her hair was a mess, and she had a hickey on the side of her neck, which she would have to figure out a way to explain, but she wasn’t worried about that right now.
“It whatever you want it to be Ginny.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“I don’t have answer.”
She frowned and turned her head away from him. The silence in the room was suffocating till she spoke again.
“You know. I’m not some plaything.”
He felt a little guilty for a moment. The way she said it sounded sad and painful, and he wondered if having sex with him was actually making her life worse. He didn’t think of her as a plaything. He knew her, he’d shared time with her, she wasn’t some random girl he met in a bar. She’d become a facet in his everyday life, and she would continue to be one long after the wedding. They had been pushed together by fate, and they would stay that way for as long as Mat and Leighton stayed married.
“I-I know that.”
“Do you?” She still faced away from him, but her voice was small.
“Yes I do. Look.” He sat up and turned her to face him “I don’t know what this is, besides unexpected but I don’t wanna stop. I know that.”
She bit her lip “Me neither. But what will we tell them?”
“We won’t. We’re consenting adults and what happens between us is no one else’s business. Right?”
“Right…So we’re just hooking up?” She finger quoted, and waited for him to answer her. She looked skeptical, and was leaning away from him. Her wall, which had been down just a few moments ago, was now slowly rising up. He could see it plain as day on her face that she didn’t trust him, and that she was bracing herself for what he would say next.
“Do you wanna? Keep hooking up I mean? I don’t wanna stop but if your not cool with it then we can forget this ever happened.”
Ginny laughed softly and shook her head, the smallest flicker of something behind her eyes before she spoke again “I couldn’t forget this if I tried.”
************
Kaitlin was parked outside of Beau’s apartment scheming.
She’d been there for a while now. She had realized, that she would need to dismantle the wedding from the inside out and the easiest way to get to Mat was through Beau.
He had never liked her. He had never even tried to like her, and she didn’t like him either. He was just another person in Mat’s life who didn’t want to see them together, because they all wanted him with the dumb bitch who broke his heart four years ago.
And what did they know?
They weren’t the ones who listened to him ramble on and on about how much he still loved her. They hadn’t helped him pick up each piece of his heart and carefully, and painfully put it back together. They didn’t have to ouch their feelings down, and listen to him drone on about a girl when she was practically screaming in front of him that she could be better than her. They didn’t know anything.
Kaitlin wiped at a tear. She knew she sounded crazy but she was so broken and consumed by the fact that she’d done everything right. She’d followed all the rules. And they all still loved Leighton more.
His friends. His family.
And even Mat himself.
She was jarred from her thoughts however when she saw Beau open the door to the complex, and turn to speak to someone behind him. She could see it was a girl, and at first she thought it was just someone he was hooking up with, but when she came into the light she realized it was Ginny.
Kaitlin watched in awe as an Uber pulled up to the sidewalk and Ginny turned to him. They spoke for a few moments before he pulled Ginny forward into a kiss so searing, she had to look away. There was no way Mat and Leighton knew about this, or they wouldn’t be sneaking around after dark together. It would surely cause some drama, and definite rift. If they were lying to them about their involvement, the truth coming out could be catastrophic.
She watched as Ginny smiled, got into the car and it drove away, disappearing from sight as he made his way back into his complex. He stopped suddenly at the door and turned to look over his shoulder, eyes moving up and down the street. Kaitlin ducked, and once she was sure he hadn’t seen her she peeked over the dash. He had gone back in his complex, and Kaitlin started her car, smiling a little.
This was the in she needed.
************
Ginny dropped her purse on the floor by her front door and kicked off her shoes. She was exhausted, too tired to even shower as she shed her clothing on the way to her room, leaving it laying on the floor.
She slipped on an oversized T-shirt and crawled into bed, wrapping her knees up to her chest. She felt like she couldn’t breathe, eyes closing.
A single tear slipped out of her eye, and dripped across her nose on to her bed. It was followed by another one, and another as they formed a large wet spot on her sheets. Every emotion she’d been holding, for what felt like her whole life, was pouring out of her eyes, drowning her. Pain wracked her with a loud sob, as she gripped the fabric of her pillow as tightly as she could.
She squeezed her eyes shut, in an attempt to stop the tears but they continued to fall freely. Sleep came easy, tears still on her face and Beau still on her mind.
**************
“Knock knock.” Leighton glanced up from her desk, and was surprised to see Ethan standing in her doorway. She’d only had a few interactions with him but he seemed like a nice guy, which is why she set him up with Ginny in the first place.
“Ethan, hi. What’s up?”
He looked around awkwardly, hands in his pockets “Have you-have you talked to Ginny?”
“Not today, I don’t think she’s here yet. Why?”
“Well Things were going great last night, and then I went to the bathroom and she was gone, and she said she had some kind of emergency or something. I’m just hoping she’s okay?”
Leighton frowned “An emergency? I mean she didn’t say anything to me, but I haven’t talked to her since yesterday. Did something happen?”
He shrugged “I don’t think so. We were talking about your wedding and then she just disappeared.” He looked a little sad standing in her doorway.
“Im sure she had some kind of emergency or something. I’ll talk to her and find out.” Leighton felt another wave of sickness rise in her throat and she covered her mouth. Ethan looked at her concerned.
“Are you alright? Do you need me to call-“
“No I’m fine, I’m just stressed is all. I forgot to eat today. But don’t worry I’ll talk to her.”
“Thanks Leighton. I really like her, and I definitely wanna go out with her again sometime.”
“No problem.”
He gave her a smile and left her office. Ginny was a no show the rest of the day, the receptionist told Leighton she had called in sick.
She pulled out her phone and sent her a message.
Hey, Carol said you were sick today? Do you need anything? How was your date last night?
The typing bubble appeared and then disappeared several times before she answered.
Hey, no I’m good just a cold but thanks❤️ The date went great, I had a good time. He didn’t bring me home till late so I didn’t wanna text you and wake you. I’ll fill you in Monday. Lets do lunch?
Sure. Hope you feel better. Get lots of rest and let us know if you need us.
Something was up.
She had the strangest feeling as she made her way home, and entered the apartment. Mat was sitting on the sofa, and tipped his head back and smiled at her.
“Hey babe. How was work? Im surprised your home this-“ he stopped when he looked at her. She was pale and sweaty, dark circles under her eyes.
“I only went in for a few hours. It was fine-What?”
“Did you eat today?”
Leighton set her purse down and turned to him slowly, chewing on her lip “I forgot. I’m sorry.” Mat sighed and shook his head but she continued talking “Ethan came by my office today.”
“Ethan? The guy Gin went out with?”
“Yeah. He said she left suddenly because of an emergency.”
“What kind of an emergency?”
“I don’t know. But she told me she had a good time and that he brought her home late, and now she said she’s sick.” Leighton wiped the sweat from her forehead and leaned on the arm of the sofa.
Mat frowned “That’s very…odd.”
“Did she seem weird to you? The past couple days she just seems off.”
“I guess. Ginny is moody though so I haven’t really thought anything of it. Maybe it’s just stress. She’s been pretty upset about all this wedding stuff. And it seems like she isn’t the only one.” He reached up to touch her forehead “Do you need to see a doctor?”
“I know, but there’s something else. I can’t put my finger on it but something is going on. She’s hiding something from me. And no I’m fine. Just stress, and I think I have a stomach bug.”
“What would she be hiding? You guys know everything about each other. I didn’t think you kept secrets. I’m sure that’s all it is, but if it continues then you should see a doctor. Okay?”
“We don’t…usually.”
Mat pursed his lips, eyebrows coming together “Do you want me to try and talk to her? She might not tell you if it’s wedding stuff because she wants to keep you stress free.”
“Okay. That would be great. Thank you.” She leaned forward to kiss him and then smiled “I’m going to go change.” He stared at her pointedly until she added “And eat something.”
************
Knock knock
Ginny opened her apartment door at 7:30 that evening to find Beau leaning on the other side.
“Hey.”
“Hi.” She said leaning her head on the door. She was wide eyed, staring at him with an unreadable expression “What are you doing here?”
“I don’t know. I just thought maybe I wanted to see you is all.” He reached forward and let his finger slide across her shoulder to untangle a lock of hair from her tank top strap. A trail of goosebumps bloomed across her skin as his finger slid down, and gripped her wrist “Unless you want me to leave.”
She shook her head and opened the door wider, hand slipping into his as she pulled him inside the door, closing it just as he pressed his lips to hers.
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I saw your bio about angel of death too!! May i request nagito X s/o who's like zack!!:D I hope i don't bothering you and have a nice day^^♡♡
Yes finally! Also your not bothering me, and thank you for wishing me a nice day! Your such a sweet heart adelia-Chan!
Nagito with a S/O like Zack!
Now it is modern time, you probably aren’t a murder but you can be, um…problematic.
You liked to beat people up when the looked to happy or mad. It made you feel good.
You obviously laughed like a mentally insane person when you did.
Now on the first day of school you saw a boy with white hair looking way to happy, he looked like a good target.
He noticed you right away and introduced himself with that smile, he sounded so joyful while doing it. That just made you want beat him up even more.
“Hello I’m Nagito Komeada!”
“Hey Komeada. I’m S/O. You got three seconds to run.”
The last part you said with a dark tone. He looked at you confused.
“Um…why would I need to run?”
“Cause you look way to frickin happy, makes me want to beat you up! I like to give people a fair chance to try to run away. As long you beg or scream for me not to hurt you to bad! I love seeing fear on my victims faces! Gets my blood bumping!”
He softly chuckled.
“Oh I’m not going to run away. I’ll let you do it. Come hit me! An ultimate like you hitting trash like me is an honor!”
You stumbled back and leaned by a nearby trash can and threw up.
“Man is something wrong with you. That’s the most messed up thing I’ve ever heard. You not running away or begging for your life. it makes it no fun. See ya later weirdo, I going to class I guess.”
Unfortunately (or fortunately) you both had the same class.
So you really couldn’t escape him, you had to listen to him insult himself and his thing on hope. Which kinda annoyed you.
You interested him and he wanted to get to know you. Like what your hobbies, your goals, or why do you like to beat up people who look happy.
“Is there a reason why your following me like a lost puppy?”
“Your interest me. Just pretend I’m not here.”
You saw a group of girls. They were laughing at another girl. They poured milk on her and laughed even louder. This brought back a memory from your childhood. A very bad memory.
You feel into a rage. You ran and proceeded to beat these girls to the point where they were knocked out. You turned to the girl who they were bullying you held out a hand for her to grab. You helped her getting up, patted her head then walked away.
Nagito followed close behind. You forgot he was following you. You went somewhere quite with a low chance of other students walking by. Then you grabbed him by the neck and shoved him against the wall.
“You better not tell anyone about anything you saw! Or else your gonna end up worse then those girls!”
“Oh I was never going to tell anyone anyway!”
“You better not be lying! I hate liars more than anything!”
“I’m not lying.”
You looked at him in the eyes. He was completely honest. You let him go.
“I thought it was kinda cool to see you standing up for that girl.”
“I wasn’t doing it for her. I was doing it cause it reminded me of something. Something I’d rather forget.”
“Even though, your speed and strength was amazing to see in action. You also held such passion in your eyes.”
You started angry mumbling not because he was annoying you but your were honestly embarrassed, you weren’t used to hearing much praise.
One day your class decided to have a party, you don’t know how they convinced you. But they did, you didn’t listen to the details just the time and place.
The party was a bonfire party.
Once you arrived you were the last one to arrive, they started off the fire. To where you started internally freaking out. Also frozen in fear.
At some point you were escaped into the back of the woods, Nagito noticed and went to follow you. He heard you near by. You found you punching a tree while yelling. You hade to stop cause of your hands
You wore bandages all over hands, shoulder, arms, and up your back a little, from a incident from a long time ago. You heard a twig snap.
“Who’s there! Show yourself!”
“Oops looks like I’ve been spotted.”
“Ugh! What’s with you and following me!”
“Well I noticed you left the party. I just wanted to know why.
He said sitting on a tree stump. You lean against a tree.
“Don’t tell anyone this. But. I’m scared of fire.”
“Oh. Well, how about we go to a near by gas station. We can get some snacks!”
“I don’t have any money.”
“Don’t worry I’ll pay.”
You weren’t saying no to free food. You guys got a couple of snacks and went to a nearby park to sit on a bench.
You actually had a nice conversation with Nagito. You actually were laughing a lot. For the first time ever somebody smile didn’t want to make you beat them up. Nagito smile made you smile.
You developed a crush on Nagito.
You treated him different from then on.
No threats were thrown his way from you. You didn’t mind when he talked to you. Anytime somebody gave him a nasty look for saying something. You punch your hand against your palm as a sign. You often lean against him when he talks to somebody. Anytime he says an insult to himself, you put him in a headlock and start giving him noogies while saying “why do you keep saying that! Do you got some screws loose Huh?!” You could say it’s tough love. Everbody knew you had a crush on Nagito. But you were to dense to notice your own feelings and Nagito was to oblivious to notice your change in behavior. Surprisingly you and fuyuhiko had a kinda Frenemy thing going on. You two acted like you hate each other, which you do. but you two had a lot in common so sometimes you got along. He’s the one to point out your feelings
“When you going to tell Nagito you like him?”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“It’s so obvious you have a crush on him. Which is kinda weird.”
“What’s a crush?”
He gave you a shock looked. Then called you an idiot. He explained a crush and then it made sense to you.
“So…how do I tell him.”
“Just tell him. Unless your a chicken.”
“Shut up! I’m not a chicken! I’ll go tell him right now!”
You stomped away looking for Nagito to tell him. You found him being Ganged up by some guys. You beat all of them up. Some puked from your punches, some passed out, some ran away. You picked up Nagito and threw him over his shoulder and started walking away with him.
“Um s/o can you let me down? I can walk on my own.”
“No.”
You went back to your place and threw him on your couch.
“Thanks for saving me back there. I didn’t think you would save me like that.”
You flicked him in the forehead.
“Of course I saved you. I love you dummy.”
He blushed at the sudden confession.
“I love you too.”
You blushed and pulled him to your chest. You cuddle him, so you guys are now a couple.
Here somethings you do now your a couple
You are always touching him in someway, simple hand hold, hugging, leaning against him, just anything works.
Your like his own personal bodyguard.
He helps you with your bandages when you need to change them.
He comforts you when there’s fire.
You give him random small kisses.
Everybody and anybody is too scared to flirt with Nagito.
When you two are anywhere like a booth at a restaurant. You have you arm wrapped around Nagito shoulder.
After a long time. You told him things about your childhood, which he understood and helped you deal with your trauma.
Bonus: for this to make sense. I ship fuyuhiko and Peko.
You noticed how fuyuhiko acted around peko. You and Nagito decided to play match maker.
Nagito invited fuyuhiko to a cafe to hangout. While you did the same with peko.
They arrived at the cafe both texting you asking where you were. Both of you texted something came up with your significant other so you couldn’t make it. They spotted each other and decided to hangout. Just according to plan. you and Nagito where wearing disguises to watch them. Nagito went up to their waiter after he took their order, saying he’ll pay for them.
When they learned that somebody payed for them and the waiter pointed who. They realized it was you two. You practically grab Nagito and made a mad dash for the exit.
Later that night you got to listen to a mad fuyuhiko, while receiving passive aggressive text from peko.
“Why you so mad? I’m just helping you out. I mean you helped me and Nagito get together. I’m just returning the favor.”
“What?! Are you implying I have a crush on peko! What gave off that idea?!”
“A lot of things gave off that idea. C’mon you like her. Don’t be a chicken.”
“I hate you!”
“The feelings mutual. Just go for it.”
“You don’t tell me what to do-“
You hung up. You put your phone on silent and went to sleep. Luckily it was Friday so you didn’t have school the next day. So they couldn’t bother you about it.
#anime#s/o x danganronpa characters#danganronpa x you#drv2#danganronpa goodbye despair#danganronpa 2#nagito komeada x reader#nagito x reader#nagito komeada#fuyuhiko kuzuryu#peko pekoyama#angels of death#zack foster
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haitani brothers as your manliligaw! <3
taglish hcs, because i cant write in full tagalog and i am so down bad for them its not even a joke anymore,, also not proofread.
ran:
ran strikes me as the over the top manliligaw. he'll do anything and everything para mapa-oo ka lang. lalo na pag may special occassions at lalong lalo na pag valentine's day. gives you the biggest bouquet, teddy bear and chocolates there is, dinamay pa si rindou at ginawang taga-buhat.
everyone knows the haitani ran is your manliligaw. ran makes it so obvious to anyone because he doesn't want competitors, LMAO.
masyadong magpakilig because he loves seeing your reactions, specially if you're all flustered over his teasing remarks and banats. texts you the corniest shit and sends flirty memes, but he leaves sweet good morning and good night messages, too.
honestly though, i think the more mundane things he does can make you fall in love. times where his face is adorned by a smile rather than a smirk, times where he's more mellow and gentle. he'll show you a more calmer side of him, and honestly? it's effective.
rindou:
definitely a lot more calmer than his brother, claims he hates how extra ran is lmao. but it doesn't mean that his efforts are half-assed, nope, he just does things a different way.
idk why, but i have a feeling that he's a bit possessive kahit manliligaw pa lang naman siya. bakod agad, LMAO. if he sees someone trying their chances with you, he'll step up his game a little bit.
i stand by the headcanon that rindou's love language is gift giving AND that he can cook. he'll get you anything and everything he can give you. probably gets you your favorite drink every morning and maybe a special lunch that he prepared himself. lord aasawahin ko 'to di ako nagbibiro.
sends you playlists he wants you to listen to! some of the songs are his personal favorites, some are songs he thinks you might like, and some are songs that conveys his feelings for you. definitely didn't include zack tabudio's nangangamba and calein's umaasa there.
i just woke up and choose ✨fluff✨ for my fave siblings,, ill try doing the requests later !! also if yall want more tokrev manliligaw,, 👁️👁️
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In response to JK Rowling and Joss Whedon, my (former) idols
I really didn’t want to have to do this.
So in addition to…=gestures vaguely=…all of that, the last few months have been kind of sucky when it comes to learning some really unpleasant things about artists that I looked up to, admired, and was in fact inspired by. I’ve already spoken about the Speaking Out movement revealing a lot of ugly behavior from various wrestlers, some of which I was big fans of, and then later we got Chris Jericho being a full-on MAGA. Yeah, that all sucked. But those were just performers whose work I enjoyed watching. The one that really hurt were writers who I deeply admired, whose stories I love, and who I was heavily influenced by.
The first, of course, was finding out that JK Rowling, the author of perhaps the single biggest YA fantasy series of all time Harry Potter, is a TERF. This really sucked for a number of reasons. Firstly, I really like Harry Potter! I mean, I’m not a super fan or anything. I came into it when things were kind of dying down, like the whole book series had already been released and there were only a few movies left, but I still really enjoyed it, have all the books and movies and a fair amount of merchandise swag, including a nifty wand I got at Universal Studios. Shit, I got two replicas of the Sword of Griffyindor, thanks to them screwing up my order in my favor and sending me a duplicate! They’re on my wall right across from me as I type this!
But in addition to writing a book series I really liked, JK Rowling was supposed to be one the good guys. She’s been vocally progressive, often openly comes down on British right-wing nonsense, has supported various persecuted minorities, and is on record as being one of the few self-made billionaires to actually stop being a billionaire for a time because she donated so much money to charity. And while we mock it now, her revealing Dumbledore as gay was a huge deal at the time. Plus, she cultivated this reputation as Auntie Jo, that cool, supportive aunt we all wanted.
But for a while her stock has been dropping. Her preference for confirming “representation” via tweets instead of explicitly putting it in the text of her stories has raised the question of queer-baiting, especially with a whole-ass movie with a young Dumbledore and Grindelwald to make their relationship explicit but failing to do so. The whole Nagini thing from the latest Fantastic Beasts movie was pretty gross. And re-examination of various problematic elements from the original novels has rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. Now, none of these really looked to be intentionally malicious, of course. Just about everyone’s early work will have problematic elements; that’s just how people work. And the later stuff smacked more of ignorance than anything. But after all this time, it’s like, c’mon. You should know better by now.
But the biggie came when her transphobic views finally came to light. Now, this one had been brewing for a while, due to some questionable likes and statements on her twitter. But then she decided to just go public and published what essentially amounts to a TERF manifesto, one with a very “love the sinner, hate the sin” condescending attitude and had a real persecution complex air to it.
Now, I’m not going to go into detail about what the manifesto was about, what the circumstances surrounding it were, or how wrong it was. It’s already been raked over the coals, dissected, answered, and debunked in detail by people far more qualified than me, so odds are, you’re already well aware of its contents and the subsequent rebuttals. But the gist of it comes down to her basically believing that transwomen are actually cis men claiming to be trans so as to infiltrate and invade female-only spaces.
Yeah.
Okay, that’s gross, but…why? Why is someone so noted for being progressive and wanting to foster an inclusive environment making this the hill of exclusion that she wants to die on?
Well, that’s where things get tricky. She mentions that prior to Harry Potter, her first marriage was highly physically and sexually abusive, and when she escaped from that, she had no place to go, leading her to be homeless for a time.
Oh.
Well, that makes sense. Someone goes through a highly traumatic experience with a member of the opposite sex, has no support structure when she escapes it, is left to fend for herself, only to suddenly get rocketed into fame, fortune, and influence, which in turn leads to a Never Again mentality. She was hurt, no one was there to help her, and now she’s afraid of men invading women-only spaces to victimize others like she was victimized. So…literally transphobic. Literally a Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist.
Guys, this is so fucked up. Like, how do you even approach something like this? She’s a victim in every sense of the word, so of course she’s going to have physiological damage and a warped view of things. I mean, if I found out that a close friend of mine went through the same thing and had the same prejudices, I would be nothing but sympathetic! I mean, I’d still do what I can to convince her to overcome those prejudices, but I’d still show sympathy and support for what she went through.
Abuse warps people. There’s a reason why so many abusers are abuse survivors themselves. It makes you terrified of being hurt again and often causes people to adopt toxic behaviors, beliefs, and reactions to protect themselves. I’ve already talked about it at length while discussing She-Ra and its own handling of the cycle of abuse, which included franks discussions of Catra’s horrible behavior, why she was the way she was, while never losing sympathy for her and rooting for her to overcome it. So if JK Rowling is an abuse survivor, is it really right to come down on her for having warped views because of that abuse?
But that’s the problem. See, she isn’t your troubled friend that you’re trying to help. She isn’t your cousin Leslie who’s a really sweet person but unfortunately adopted some bad ideals due to trauma suffered. She JK freakin’ ROWLING, one of the most famous, wealthy, and influential women in the world. She has a platform of millions, if not billions, which means her voice lends credibility to her bigoted beliefs. Alt-righters and other TERFs have already swooped upon this for giving validation to their awful beliefs, which puts trans people even more at risk. And as horrible as Rowling’s experiences might have been, the trans community is often the victim of far worse, and they don’t have a mountain of money and an army of defenders to protect them like she does. I’ve said it time and time again: just because you’re a victim, that doesn’t give you the right to victimize others! And bringing things back to Catra, as much as I loved her redemption in the final season, she was still a TERRIBLE PERSON for a huge chunk of the show, one that needed to be stood up to and stopped.
So yeah. That’s the messiness that is JK Rowling.
Now, let’s talk about the one that really hurts. Let’s talk about Joss Whedon.
I’ve made no secret of what a huge Whedon fan I am. Unlike Rowling, I was a HUUUUUGE superfan. Seeing Serenity for the first time in theaters was akin to a religious awakening to me as a storyteller, making it one of my top three movies of all time. Firefly is my favorite show ever. And I adored Buffy, Angel, and Dollhouse as well. I love Cabin in the Woods and The Avengers. The very first fanfic I ever wrote was a Firefly fanfic that disappeared along with my old laptop. I know his style isn’t for everyone, but I cannot understate how much of a personal inspiration he is to me as a writer.
And like Rowling, Joss was supposed to be one of the good guys! Buffy was monumental in pushing the needle when it came to female empowerment. Will and Tara were groundbreaking as a gay couple. He’s been outspoken for years about his feminist views and beliefs and was seen as one of the most prominent and influential feminist voices in Hollywood!
And then things started to go bad.
One day he was on top of the world, the mastermind behind the first two Avenger movies. And the next, it seemed like he was in freefall. It’s hard to really pinpoint exactly when the change took place. Some would say him being brought in as a last-minute substitute for Zack Snyder to take over on Justice League after Snyder had to leave due to family tragedy, and the subsequent awful critical reception to that film tarnishing his image, even if those were very unique circumstances that couldn’t really be blamed on him. Others might point to Age of Ultron’s less than stellar reception, as well as criticism of some questionable jokes and certain creative decisions regarding the character of Black Widow, which then led to a more critical examination of how Whedon continues to write female characters, as while his work might have been revolutionary in the 90’s, his failure to evolve with the times had meant that many of his portrayals are now woefully outdated and problematic, with his vision for a Batgirl movie getting hit with a lot of backlash as a result.
Again, I’m not going to go into too much detail, as this is all public knowledge and can be easily looked up, but overall it seemed that Whedon entered into a period where he was getting criticized more than he was celebrated, and his image of a guaranteed hit maker was now in doubt.
But all of this wasn’t the big problem. All creators go through rises and slumps, and everyone hits points where they get hit with a barrage of criticism; that’s just part of being a public creative figure, especially a progressive one. And had nothing happened after, it would have probably faded, got forgotten, and Whedon would have moved onto the next project with no fuss.
But as it turned out, it wasn’t just a minor slump in his career. Instead, it was the priming of the pump.
In 2016, Whedon divorced his wife of sixteen years, Kai Cole, and in an open letter, Kai Cole accused him of being a serial cheater, who would have affairs with a great many women, from co-workers, to actresses, to friends, to even his fans. And in addition to raising questions of him possibly abusing his position as showrunner to elicit sex from those working on his projects, there also is the ugly question of how could someone who speaks so highly of women then go and backstab the person who was supposed to be the most important woman in his life, as well as lying to her and denying her the autonomy of deciding whether or not she even wanted to continue to have a relationship with him?
Furthermore, Whedon himself has not explicitly denied these accusations, and comments made by him seem only to confirm them.
Now if you’ll recall, I reacted publicly to this news, and despite my admiration of Whedon’s work, I came down on Kai Cole’s side, and stated that while things like marriage issues and infidelity were no one’s business but that of the couple’s, it did raise a lot of uncomfortable questions about how Whedon treated the women in his life and he really needed to get his shit in order.
But hey, a messy private life and a guy falling into temptation isn’t that big of a deal, right? Plenty of creators also go through multiple marriages and have problems staying faithful and still continue making great art. We’re all human, it’s a stressful job, and this shit just happens, right? Sure, it’s gross and a shitty thing to do, but ain’t no business of ours, right?
In late 2020, actor Ray Fisher, who played the role of Cyborg in Justice League, openly accused Joss Whedon of fostering a hostile work environment, claiming that the director’s behavior was abusive and unprofessional, and that Whedon in turn was protected by DC executives.
DC and Warner Bros. came down against Fisher, claiming they had done an internal investigation that turned up no evidence of wrongdoing (yeah, sure they did), and soon Fisher was out as Cyborg, apparently for rocking the boat.
But then Charisma Carpenter, noted for her important role as Cordelia Chase in both Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, then spoke up, claiming to be inspired by Fisher in doing so. She described Whedon did indeed foster a hostile work environment on his projects, that his often acted in a toxic manner, from asking incredibly invasive and inappropriate questions regarding her pregnancy to insulting her on set. She said that she made excuses for him for years, but after undergoing a lot of therapy and reading what Ray Fisher had to say, she felt compelled to speak out.
And this just open the floodgates. Other actors and actresses also came forward, some with stories of their own, others to offer support. Even Buffy herself, Sarah Michelle Gellar, confirmed Carpenter’s stories and said that she no longer wanted to be associated with Whedon. Michelle Trachtenberg, who played the character of Dawn, stated that she also experienced toxic treatment from Whedon despite her being a minor at the time, and says that the set had a rule that Whedon wasn’t allowed to be alone with her again, which really raises some sickening questions of what happened the first time. Even male stars have spoken out, from words of support and apologies for not speaking up earlier from Anthony Stewart Head and David Boreanaz, to an earlier interview with James Marsters, in which he described being terrified of Whedon, mainly due to an instance when Whedon was frustrated with the popularity of Marsters’s character of Spike messing with his plans and physically and verbally taking it out on the actor. There have been many corroborating stories of Whedon being casually cruel on set, on seemingly taking delight in making his fellow show writers cry, and even the man himself admitting to enjoying fostering a hostile work environment during his director commentary of the Avengers. We’ve joked about Whedon’s supposed sadism for years, but that was in regards to how he treated the characters in his stories, not the people helping him make them!
So yeah. That’s the problem with Joss Whedon.
So, do I think that Joss Whedon is somehow some kind of sociopath who lied about his feminist principles and deliberately put on a progressive façade specifically to get into a position of power so he could torment people? No, of course not. I think he was sincere about his beliefs, and I do think he didn’t realize the wrongness of his behavior. But that’s kind of the problem. See, it’s one thing to have kind of a trollishness to your nature, a sort of sadistic side. No one can help that. But when someone with that quality gets put into a position of power in which they are protected by both the higher-ups and their legions of fans, they are allowed to mistreat and continue to mistreat people. And by never suffering any consequences, that sort of toxic behavior becomes internalized, becomes a habit, becomes their moda operandi. And when you’re constantly getting praised as a creative genius and a wonderful feminist voice, any self-criticism just gets wiped away, and you think yourself above reproach, leading to what Joss Whedon became and went on being.
And you know what scares me the most about this particular issue? It’s not that I am a fan of his stories. It’s that I can so easily see myself turning out the same way.
Look, I’ll be upfront about it: I’m kind of a sadist myself. You’ve seen it in my stories, you’ve seen me gloating after a particularly dark plot twist makes my readers freak out. That sort of stuff is fun to me. There’s a reason why I have a much easier time in the dark and violent scenes, because I’m channeling something ugly within me. We all have a dark side, and this is mine.
But UNLIKE Whedon, that doesn’t carry over to how I treat people in real life (unless Monopoly or Mario Party are involved, then it’s fair game). Maybe it’s because I wasn’t given the sort of power and praise he did so early, and I was always taught to be considerate of other people’s feelings, but if I ever find out that I hurt another person or went too fair, I feel TERRIBLE, and it just throws me off all day until I apologize. Even if I don’t notice right away that what I said or did wasn’t cool (autistic, remember?), when it’s pointed out to me and I have some time to think on it, yeah, the guilt is on and I make a point to apologize to whoever I’ve hurt. I’ve even made a point to apologize to members of my family for inconsiderate stuff I said years ago as a little punk kid because it wouldn’t stop bugging me.
So maybe Whedon got too big, too fast. Maybe putting people on these sorts of pedestals, especially progressive ones, is ultimately a bad thing.
So where does this leave us? How are we to treat JK Rowling and Joss Whedon, one who developed a lot of transphobia due to abuse suffered while the other became a toxic individual due to unchecked control and a lack of consequences? Can we still enjoy their stories despite them now being colored by their creators’ falls from grace? Can we separate the art from the artist, or do we have to do a clean split?
Honestly, I feel that has to come down to the individual. I can’t remove the influence Rowling and Whedon have had on me as a storyteller, and I still highly respect both of their talents despite taking major issue with their problems as people. And I’m not going go throw away all of my Harry Potter or Firefly stuff. Because that’s my stuff. It has value to me, it doesn’t represent the issues with their creators, and a lot of it was gifts from people who are dear to me. Though I do think it’ll be a long time before I return to either of their work, as I just don’t have the stomach for it now.
But I will be avoiding any projects they have in the future. I don’t want to put money in their pockets that might go on to support their toxic beliefs or behavior. And as for royalties for their past work that would also support the cast and crew of the Harry Potter films or those who worked on Whedon’s shows who do not deserve to lose money because we don’t want any of that money going to the creators? Er, that question is a little above my paygrade. I don’t know. You’ll have to all decide for yourselves. As for me, I still have a lot of thinking to do.
Regardless though, if I or anyone else is still able to enjoy their work, then it’s important to not divorce what these people said or did from the art they created, even if it makes enjoying that art less fun. It’s important to be critical about what we enjoy, to acknowledge the bad aspects along with the good, and open up discussion of those elements, because that’s what mature adults are supposed to do.
And as for JK Rowling and Joss Whedon, whose stories I love, whose talent I admire, and whose past good work I’ll happily acknowledge, I do hope they both experience some sort of realization and enter into a period of self-examination that leads to them getting help for their issues, for Rowling to get help in coming to terms with her trauma and realizing that she’s wrong about the trans community and a full apology, and for Whedon to also come to terms with his toxic behavior and how he treats people, for him to make no excuse for what he did and sincerely apologize to those he hurt and work on bettering himself, as well as them both examining some of the more problematic tropes still present in their works. Because despite everything, I do feel that they can still be a creative force of good, and it would be a shame if they let themselves self-destruct.
But if not, then if it comes down to choosing between Rowling and the protecting the trans community, if it comes down between choosing between letting Whedon continue to make shows and protecting actors and writers from his abusive behavior, then I know who I’m siding with, and it ain’t the two individuals this whole essay is about. No story, no matter how good, no matter how creative, is worth letting sacrificing vulnerable people in order for it to be made.
#jk rowling#joss whedon#harry potter#Buffy The Vampire Slayer#angel#firefly#justice league#ray fisher#charisma carpenter#kai cole#transphobia tw#abuse tw#toxicity tw#TERF tw#rant#TERFs don't interact I do not want to talk to you#same for abuse apologists
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Showrunner Duane Capizzi did an informal Q&A session with some fans in a CS chatroom. There are several question askers, all marked by name. Get some insider knowledge on the show, after the break!
Duane Capizzi:
Just checking things out! Feel like I'm poking my head through a door at a party I'm crashing haha.
Fun to see everyone hanging out and talking all good things Carmen
Can't stay long - I should have taken the code name "Crimson Phantom"
Crimson Phantom - I like the sound of that (if it's not already taken haha)
Carmen:
It's an awesome nickname! Personally I'm more of a Scarlet Santa Rosa person myself- I love that little interaction with Jules and Carmen in the special
Duane Capizzi:
Scarlet Santa Rosa! Yes, that was really cute between them. Too cute in fact.
Coach Brunt had some names for her too if i recollect
Arden:
Lambkins
Wren:
Didn't Brunt also call her Monica Santa Monica once?
Mage:
Yeah in the Boston episode
Also Josie San Jose
Arden:
I personally prefer Fedora the Explora
Duane Capizzi:
Josie yes hahaha
I can't believe we got away with Fedora the Explorer! I thought that would be noted but I'm glad we did. So funny!
Carmen is amazing! She "owns" whatever she wears, doesn't she?
Carmen:
She definitely owns Carmen Brand Outerwear
Duane Capizzi:
I'll share another tidbit though (along the lines of Carmen being a love story where everyone is in love with Carmen).
It was important for obvious reasons that the show be (among other things) about female empowerment. And we wanted to celebrate fashion of course. But it was super important to me to not fall into the "male gaze" trap. That was something I imparted to the storyboard crew and directors. It's a fine line, I know, but I think we succeeded.
Arden:
You sure did. What I adore about Carmen Sandiego is how unsexualized all the characters were while still being inclusive to different body types and races
Duane Capizzi:
Well artists love to sneak things in! So it was a little rule I had
They were mostly great about it - in all the 32 episodes, I think I asked to change only two shots for that reason. Where I had to go "ahem"
"Outerwear" sounds so peculiar but I think that's what made it work. I kept changing it back and forth and sometimes I'm surprised to see/hear it in the show. For the longest time it was "Carmen Clothiers." Did I make the right decision? Sometimes you can rework things too much and lose sight - it happens!
The one shot that leaps to mind was Shadowsan carrying her fireman style at top of 202, as they were escaping through the tunnels. Her, um, fundamentals were just a little too front and center to not fall into the "male gaze" trap. Nothing awful! It was borderline. We just adjusted the angle a bit
Julia:
My favorite most definitely has to be her formal wear from the "need for speed caper"
Duane Capizzi:
I'd have to think about my favorite outfit or top five. All her evening gowns of course!
Maybe "witch." We couldn't make it red because it would not have been a very good disguise (plus, you know: "Scarlet Witch" haha).
But let's not underestimate her signature hat/coat - I continue to be enamored with how we updated her look from the old trench coat thing.
Arden:
Not me suddenly motivated to draw Carmen in a scarlet witch outfit
Duane Capizzi:
Then you have to draw Zack as Pietro!
(or Player? Only his fingers are speedy)
Arden:
Idea: what if player (or Shadowsan) was Pietro
Duane Capizzi:
Shadowsan IS Pietro. He's so quick you never see him move.
Wren:
Shadowsan's fight with Brunt where it went slowmo and he moved fast was so cool!
Duane Capizzi:
Hey, Shadowsan is quite the fashion plate too - am I right?
I love the outfits on the show. So good! So perfect! But, I'm not being very modest am I
I really love SS in the dark trench coat. So. Bad. Ass.
Carmen:
Any thoughts on the Fashionista memory thing?
Duane Capizzi:
Fashionista, sure! What do you want to know?
Carmen:
Give me a second-
Duane Capizzi:
Thank you for noting the aesthetics on the show! Much effort, passion and vision from all involved - Chromosphere, our directors, animators, composers, sound mixers - everyone gave it all they had, it was so inspiring for all involved.
Carmen:
Was there any significance to that specific memory- Carmen defending Julia in the Fashionista Caper- being chosen as the first memory she remembered when she went outside? Like, why that scene specifically over any others for example?
(referring to the finale)
Duane Capizzi:
Oh, that! To be honest, not from me: we were just trying to do the "swirl of confused memories" like we did with Gray earlier in the season. We wanted to show that the ACME device had jostled some old memories loose and that "the girl agent with glasses" was now taking root in Carmen's rush of memories/emotions
But that specific memory, not necessarily from my POV - it could have been any number of Julia moments, like their first meeting on the train (for instance)
The director Jos Humphrey must have picked it. It worked for me!
Carmen:
We all loved that it was that specific memory that was chosen out of all Julia and Carmen moments, the fact that she remembered defending her was an added emotional experience to the already emotional finale
Duane Capizzi:
Well let's talk about the original scene in 204! On the surface just a light fun episode, but so many things came together there: Shadowsan connecting with Player; SS getting his new clothes; but the key thing was switching Julia back from doing Chief's bidding back to Carmen's side. The episode was built around the moment that Carmen pulls Julia on stage with her (I'm not kidding). That was THE moment
Carmen:
We have MANY questions... we should probably set a limit
Duane Capizzi:
Ask away - I don't mind. Honestly, Carmen is my favorite topic! I've been living, breathing, dreaming Carmen for the last 5 years! I don't think there's much to say, I think it's all there on screen. But happy to talk about it because I love to
Cam:
I have a question, what about the color theory in Carmen Sandiego? What do you think certain colors mean as in, blue, yellow, green, and red.
we have our own ideas about the colors but it would be interesting to hear from your perspective
Duane Capizzi:
Color theory! Well chromosphere color scripts every episode (!). If those haven't been shared publicly yet remind me, maybe I can get permission to do so or have them do it. They are lovely to behold.
But basically Carmen = red (duh); Vile = green; Acme = blue. That's the simple version. We started talking about that early on.
color scripts = they do thumbnail art of key scenes to share mood/emotion
we tried to NOT use red for non-Carmen scenes; and scenes where she was significant the color red would be dominant or sometimes symbolically precede her (for instance).
If you google color scripts I'm sure you will see some come up. Try Pixar color scripts for instance. There's a great Art of Pixar book with their color scripts.
Arden:
Do you think Julia is blue or purple?
Duane Capizzi:
Haha, Jules definitely purple! Cute.
Mage:
You've just confirmed the whole color theory these guys have been working on for a while.
Duane Capizzi:
I was actually being funny - is she actually color scripted purple in the series? Wow, my mind might be blown
Garfield:
Now I have a question!
Julia has great admiration and respect for Carmen. Do you think Carmen has as much respect and admiration for Julia as Julia does for her?
Duane Capizzi:
I think Julia might just be a little infatuated with Carmen (even if she hasn't fully articulated how to herself - remember, the show may be sophisticated but it's still a kids show). But mostly Julia just knows/intuits/deduces Carmen's a good guy, pretty much from the beginning. I think the two have a connection that defies space and time in some ways - look at how much they work in tandem without being in the same scenes together much of the time. I love that!
As for Carmen, of course she respects Julia: she knows Julia "gets" her, and respects Julia's smarts and mutual love of history/respect for cultures.
I love how Chase is the ultimate buzzkill for whatever might be stirring in Julia as she's watching Carmen fly away in the Pilot. She's like, "whooaa ..." Then Chase falls onto the windshield. Hilarious!
Nina:
I was actually wondering if Carmen and Julia were meant to have opposing color schemes? With Julia's original outfit I mean
Duane Capizzi:
Oh, good question about Julia's original outfit: I'd have to think about that or ask Jos or Chromosphere. J's colors ARE sort of a drabber distant cousin to Carmen's, aren't they? I think mostly we just wanted "drab workaday" colors for Interpol, knowing that both of them would eventually be slicked up as ACME Agents.
Nova:
Devineaux is immune to injuries it is the only reason why he has lasted so long in ACME and Interpol
Duane Capizzi:
Devineaux, one of my favorite lines: "I did not know you two kept in touch."
Am I right?
SelinIndigo:
I have one question:
Will we ever know Carmen's given name? Also, if you don't mind when is her birthday in this reboot?
Duane Capizzi:
Carmen's given name: never say never! But for where our series ended, I thought it would just interfere. That's not how I wanted you to remember her. It would have just been a label and spoiled her mystique IMO
Player, however: we totally messed with you! "Mr. Bouchard."
Carmen's birthday?
Hmmm.
Maybe month and day but not year: would hate to date the show
I also don't like naming ages in shows because it just gets weird with timelines and such. Or can be.
Carmen:
I made a post about this a while back— how did Carmen end up getting Julia's apartment address? did she just text her for it or straight up ask? did she find out on her own in the least stalker-y way possible? I just have so many theories- do you have any thoughts on it?
Duane Capizzi:
The apartment in the IA special? Oh that whole story was like one big dream sequence ;)
Arden:
What does the wink mean? Does Julia even live in an apartment?
Nina:
Does that mean Carmen dreamt she gave Julia roses or-
Duane Capizzi:
We played things faster and looser for fun there
Okay, I just saw what time it is. Yikes! Time flies when you're having fun. Well THANK YOU EVERYONE (for loving the show, for building this site, for being you.
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tbh after playing the remake, I get the appeal of CA, because it's a familiar manic pixie dream girlfriend type love story. It even plays into the tragic boy loses girl trope which helps frame it as some grand romantic story. and yeah they're cute, and they definitely have a special connection. I think I could ship it if not for the whole rest of the story. It's a relationship that has the potential to become romantic, but it doesn't exist in a vacuum. 1/5
The remake is doing a great job on untangling a lot of the ambiguity the OG left us with. Yes, Cloud could develop feelings for Aerith and vice versa, but the remake is planting so many seeds that confirm he currently has feelings for Tifa (which she reciprocates) and I don't think it's possible for any feelings he might develop for Aerith to overcome these feelings he has harboured since childhood. 2/5
Unfortunately those feelings are something he cannot fully understand because of his comprimised mental state. But you can clearly see that his deep affections for Tifa and desire to protect her stay with him despite that (as can Aerith). The problem with the OG (other than having to potray this incredibly complex subversive nuanced story through text and polygons) is that the LS scene recontextualize so much of who Cloud is, but by that time people had already made their conclusions. 3/5
With the remake you can see them trying to fix this by having a constant thread of romantic undertones to all of cloti's interactions. The CA relationship meanwhile is potrayed with these moments that play into romantic tropes and expectations. The bridge scene is flashy and grand and draws the attention, but it doesn't carry the substance that a single hand-clech does. 4/5
It's meant to be a smokescreen to the real story - just as Cloud is not the hero you think he is, the love story is also not the one you think it is. And that's what makes FF7 so great. It's all about the subversions of what you expect - it's about the truth underneath these grand and compelling illusions that is complicated and real but still just as beautiful. 5/5
Okay, first off I don’t see how anyone can play Remake with Cloud being biggest mood around Aerith and find that appealing. Personally I think it’s the most toxic and harmful behaviour in the entire game when he’s alone with her and she’s literally trying to force him to act like her dead boyfriend. There is zero appeal in that and it’s not cute how she behaves, it’s arrogant and self serving. Like I said in a different post (or maybe a tweet) both Sephiroth and Aerith use Cloud to fulfill their own selfish desires. Sephiroth needs Cloud to destroy the planet by getting him the black materia, and Aerith wants Cloud to emulate Zack so she can fool herself into believing he didn’t die. In both cases what Cloud wants doesn’t even factor into things. That harmful dynamic doesn’t give them a special relationship. It mirrors Cloud’s relationship with Sephiroth in that it hurts him. Aerith and Sephiroth are two sides of a coin and the whole isn’t anything that benefits Cloud. Even after they’re both dead they continue to harm him through their obsession with him. It’s only at the end of AC when they’re both truly gone from his life completely that he’s able to smile and be at peace. He has no stalkers in DC and that’s why he’s so cheerful. He gets to live happily with Tifa and not worry about ghosts coming after him. It has zero potential to become anything because to make that a thing, you need to totally destroy everything else about the story and characters themselves. You have to take away Zack being Cloud’s best friend and saviour, at which point he’s just dead. You have to take away Tifa being his motivation to become a soldier, at which point he’s dead cause Sephiroth still comes to Nibelheim and burns it. Point is, there is no way that dumdum dinghy is possible without removing Cloud and most of his personality from FF7, at which point he’s just a pretty face, so people should just go write AU fanfiction and admit they wanna bang the pretty boy and not deal with his canon personality and story.
There wasn’t any ambiguity in OG because 7R is FF7 and the devs have said multiple times the story is the same as before. The problem back then was a poor translation, bad advertising and people refusing to follow the narrative to its proper conclusion. Cloud at no point in OG or any of the compilation could develop feelings because it’s shown in the entire compilation that he has always and will always love Tifa. Before Crisis he loves Tifa. Crisis Core he loves Tifa. OG he loves Tifa. AC he loves Tifa. DC he loves Tifa and Remake he loves Tifa. There’s zero room for anything with Aerith because his entire character arc is consumed with his desire for Tifa. It’s literally shown in the damn game that he’s in love with her. So, no, there never was any chance for Aerith, and I’m tired of people trying to entertain one by saying “if she lived”. Sorry, not sorry, if she lived Cloud is still in love with Tifa, so he never would, could or want to develop any feelings for Aerith.
Cloud loves Tifa. It’s the goddamn plot.
There isn’t any problem with the lifestream scene being the big reveal at that point in that game. The problem, again, is that people refused to follow the narrative to its logical conclusion and got hung up on their dumbass headcanon about Aerith. The entire premise of the game is built on illusion vs reality and yet some people still refuse to wake up and see reality. The game spells it out for everyone. They got so triggered over her dying that they acted like the game ended at that point instead of it carrying on and reaching the actual true culminating arc where we find out Cloud wasn’t himself this entire time. People seem to think Aerith dying is the plot and that she’s the main character or something. It’s Cloud’s game. The plot revolves around him. That’s why the lifestream scene is the apex of it.
It’s Cloud’s story, not Aerith’s.
I’ve pointed out several times how Aerith’s optional scenes in Remake show that Cloud is barely even a fixture. Her language of flowers you barely have Cloud in shot while she’s doing all that talking. She’s basically talking to the player. Her optional dress scenes show the illusion for what it is. That bridge is tiny and yet in the red dress is looks like this massive structure. I laughed my ass off when I spotted it. The pink dresses perspective shortens drastically for each one, with the funeral dress having Cloud standing nearest to Aerith, so that one’s probably closer to reality than that ott scene with random fireworks and fans popping up from nowhere. Not to mention the fact Aerith’s entire figure is padded out to fill that dress and she’s got hair extensions in and a ton of make up and the ost is actually called a mess of makeup or something like that and not a certain gaudiness. I mean, Madam M tried to turn Aerith into Tifa to win the bride contest and beat Sam. The game makes things very clear that the illusion is Aerith and the reality is Tifa, and players can’t turn Aerith into Tifa to make Cloud notice her no matter how hard they wanna believe they can. Her resolution literally has her repeating her OG lines from the GS about how Cloud isn’t himself, but she also arrogantly assumes he fell in love with her or would because she’s arrogant. It’s a character trait that again mirrors Sephiroth’s arrogance. It’s what gets them both killed in the end. Aerith underestimates Sephiroth and Sephiroth underestimates Cloud.
And we already saw what Cloud had to say about her declaration cause he only ever refers to her as a friend and didn’t show any romantic behaviour when he rescued her. Unless “Yep” is the height of romance now. It’s not that the romance isn’t the one you think it is. It’s that it’s the one you ignored and acted like wasn’t important because you hate the heroine. Tifa and Cloud are together from start to finish, but because people decided the pink girl was more important they acted like Tifa had no right to what was hers from the beginning. She didn’t get between Cloud and Aerith. There never was any Cloud and Aerith. It was always Tifa. She just took what was always hers and kept it.
Anyone who doesn’t understand that should try playing the game cause it’s clear they didn’t.
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Something Just Like This - CH04
Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader
Summary: Dean Winchester, mobster boss. He’s a little cocky, a lot ruthless and more often than not, short tempered. But he’s also, Dean Winchester, a war veteran and hero who suffers under a shit ton of PTS. He met her in a bar and thinks it’s fate that brought her to him. Little does he know why she’s really here.
Warnings: Violence? (a little?), Feelings? (a lot?)
WC: 3039
SERIES MASTERLIST
Dean crouched down beside Milligan and saw the bullet wound in Milligan’s abdomen. There’s one on Milligan’s thigh too, and all Dean could think about in his state of shock and daze was, that he has got to fucking stop the bleeding somehow.
“Milligan!” Dean shouted out, tapping on Milligan’s cheek for the other man to look at him. “Look at me! Stay with me, alright? It’s not that bad. You’ll be fine.”
He knew that Milligan’s not going to be fine but for all Dean knew, he has got to keep that man alive and let him have the hope that he’s going to be fucking fine.
“Winchester, fuck. It fucking hurts, man!”
“It’s okay, you’re going to be alright, it doesn’t even look that bad,” Dean said, loud and clear, so that Milligan would hear him over the sound of gunfire.
Dean placed Milligan’s own hand on his abdomen and pressed down, applying pressure to the wound. “I need you to hold your hand down like this, alright?”
“Fuck!” Milligan winced.
Dean fished out a tourniquet from the first aid kit he grabbed from the Humvee before he made his way out here, and secured it around Milligan’s thigh, making Milligan scream out in pain.
“Listen to me, Milligan, stay with me, alright?”
“Yeah,” Milligan’s voice was faint now.
“Hey, hey,” Dean grinned, “what you wanna do when you get home, huh? You wanna eat something nice?” He tried to distract Milligan from the pain.
“Yeah, a fucking burger, man.”
“Good, good.” Dean smiled and agreed with Milligan, “Burger sounds delicious right now.”
“Yeah,” Milligan swallowed the saliva that built up in his mouth just at the thought of a burger. “Do you have a cigarette?”
“No, Milligan, but maybe the squad leader has one. Let me get you over to him, alright?” Dean lifted Milligan up so that he was sitting, meanwhile they’re still dodging every fucking bullet. “I want you to place your hand around my shoulder and hold on, okay? When I say ‘go’, you hold on tight.”
“Yeah,”
Dean swooped Milligan up and on ‘go’, he carried Milligan over to the Humvee. Running in zick-zacks as not to fucking get shot at.
*
Dean wakes up when he feels the vibration of his phone that was tucked in his pant pockets and he rubs over his face a couple of times, wondering where the fuck he was until he remembers.
He didn’t even have time to get out of his clothes last night, passed out cold on the uncomfortable couch that’s way too tiny for his frame. He makes a mental note to maybe get a new, more comfortable one, but chuckles because who is he kidding. He probably won’t even remember it anymore come nightfall.
Sitting up, Dean fishes out the phone from his pocket to take the call. His eyes catch the numbers of the clock on the wall before he looks over the caller ID. It’s fucking 7.34AM. He doesn’t think that he’s had more than three hours of sleep.
“Cas,” He whispers into the phone, his voice rough from sleep.
“Good morning, princess. You had a good night?”
“What do you want?” He’s annoyed because that’s just what Cas does. Always circling around the fucking point instead of getting down to business.
“Ash called. We’ve located the truck.”
“Good, get people on it. As soon as you have the driver, give me a call.” Dean hangs up, and thinks about leaning back, maybe even lying down again, to catch up on more sleep, but he feels that his body is awake, feels the restlessness that’s creeping up his spine. Instead of taking a nap, he gets up and walks towards the bathroom. He needs a shower to wash away the rest fatigue that hangs heavy on his shoulders.
Y/N wakes to vibrations of her phone on the nightstand. Blindly, she reaches for it and blinks a couple of times. Still, she leaves her eyes closed because there’s no way she can open them right now. They burn and sting. Those night shifts are clearly starting to take a toll on her and her body has a hard time adjusting to it.
She thinks back to last night, how Dean was nervous about asking her out and she can’t help but grin, thinking that it was actually kind of cute.
When she’s ready to open her eyes to look at her phone, she sees a couple of texts from Linda, who she has saved as Mom on her phone.
“Is everything alright?”
“Hey, sweetie, answer me.”
“I’m really getting worried here.”
And the last one...
“I swear, if I don’t hear anything I’ll send someone around and we’re blowing this whole thing off!”
Y/N thumbs over the screen lazily, yawning when she types a text in reply.
“Geez, calm down, mom. Finally met my target. Everything’s fine. Now wait until I get back to you.”
She sends it out and deletes the conversation.
Better safe than sorry.
*
When she gets to the Roadhouse, Ellen’s already in her office and curses at her computer.
Y/N steps up behind her new boss, “You need help?”
“This fucking program doesn’t work.” Ellen breathes out, before smashing her hand against the side of the computer monitor and Y/N had to suppress her laugh.
“Doesn’t help if you do that, you know that, right?”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“Here, let me,” Y/N bends down a little and takes over the mouse. It’s an old book keeping program, nothing fancy. She had a rundown on different programs during training and this was one of them.
Ellen rolls herself onto the side in her office chair to make more room for Y/N, and watches her typing in some codes and clicking on some buttons. Watch her take over the inventory notes and types in numbers. It’s really simple, Y/N thinks. The Roadhouse is a simple bar, there’s only her on the payroll. The books still need to be made, but that’s not rocket science.
“Done.” She says after a while and Ellen looks at her surprised, mouth hanging agape, which really does make the older woman look comical.
“You amaze me, girl,” Ellen smiles, wide and proud, “Glad that I didn’t have to call Ash for it. He’d want to change to a fancy program and what not.”
“Anytime, Ellen.” Y/N stands up, returning Ellen’s smile.
“Why are you here? Your shift doesn’t start for another hour.”
“I just like to be on time.” She says, “Is Ash in?”
“Yeah, he’s holed up in his room.” Ellen’s gaze is back on the screen as she takes in the numbers Y/N just typed in.
“Ok, I’ll go out and prepare the tables and chill the drinks,” She calls back to her boss as she walks out the door. Ellen’s too engrossed in her computer to answer her.
So, Ash is in, she’s gotta find a way to get into the room when he’s out. Or drunk. Both things at the same time would be perfect.
“Why are we here again?” Sam twists in his seat to be able to look at Dean as they are driving out to the Roadhouse.
“Ash.” Dean answers short, his voice low.
“You sure? Because normally Ash comes to us,” Sam’s one eyebrow climbs up his forehead, as if he doesn’t believe Dean.
“Yeah, I wanna see what he’s got.”
It’s a lie. Dean knows where the truck is. Cas’ got his men there since Ash called but the driver is nowhere to be found. They manage to find their own driver though, knocked unconscious some 20 miles north. He can be glad that the driver’s not dead.
It’s not that Dean knows the driver very well. In fact, he doesn’t know about any of them at all, but he considers them family nonetheless. Losing one of his men is like losing family, and Dean doesn’t entirely like the idea of losing any people at all.
Dean also knows that Sam can read him like a book, and Sam most certainly knows that Cas is already on the case.
“Yeah, right.” Sam scoffs but he doesn’t say more, just leans back and closes his eyes, and Dean’s thankful for that.
*
The Roadhouse is still closed. At least the sign says so, but as Dean drives into the parking lot, he spots her car.
It is strange how his heart thumbs in his chest. It’s a weird feeling, something unfamiliar. He can’t really say that he likes it, though. But he doesn’t particularly hate it, either.
The music from the jukebox spills out as they open the door to the bar, and Dean stops mid-walk when he sees her, making Sam bump right into his back but Dean doesn’t budge. Instead, he freezes. It’s like the nerves that connect his brain to his limbs have a short circuit.
Y/N’s singing and dancing as she refills the fridge behind the counter with new bottles of beer. Her hair is up in a ponytail, her shirt today white and a little see through because Dean can clearly see her bra through the shirt.
She stops in her tracks when she notices them, and Dean can see that she’s already blushing. He kind of hates how much her blushing affects him. Almost like she’s a shy deer, his prey, and he’s the hunter who would just tease around to see her blush but then — then he would drive his fangs into her, he would feast on her, make her scream and blush even more, because he can’t get over how adorable she looks when her cheeks are all pink and flushed.
“We’re closed.” She says but doesn’t stop doing what she does, doesn’t really even look up, and Dean knows that she’s embarrassed, ashamed to meet his eyes. He wonders why that is.
“Just here to see Ash. You’re new?” Sam finds a way around Dean and walks towards the bar, and Dean’s out of his trance, following Sam.
“Yeah, just started a couple of days ago.” Y/N says, grins a little at Sam but wouldn’t let them interrupt her from her work.
“Ah,” Sam looks at Dean, a fucking stupid grin on his face.
What a fucking idiot, Dean thinks.
“Shut up.” Dean mutters under his breath and Sam shrugs, the grin still tugging at the corner of his lips.
“You must be Sam,” She pushes the cooling drawer close with a swing of her hips and turns to face them. Dean could see Sam raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah,” Dean says, “Sam, this is Y/N.” He thought that introducing them is the least he could do.
Sam smiles at her and she’s blushing again. Dean can’t help but feel a bit jealous.
“So, I heard you’re opening your own law firm? That’s a great achievement. Congratulations!” She bends down and grabs another handful of bottles from the crate.
“Uh..thanks?” Sam is confused, Dean can see it.
“I can’t wait for the opening.” She then smiles brightly before she turns around to place the bottles into the mini fridge behind the counter.
She has her back to them, can’t possibly see how Sam looks at Dean with a puzzled expression on his face.
Sam clears his throat then, “Alright, I’ll go see where Ash is.” and walks to the door at the back.
Dean pauses at the counter, letting Sam slip out. He watches her until she looks at him, “You okay?”
Y/N raises her eyebrows and huffs out a breath, “Yeah, why shouldn’t I be?”
Yeah, why shouldn’t she be, Dean thinks to himself. Thinks, that he’s a fucking idiot, too.
“Right, okay. Good.” He turns away from her, doesn’t really know where to look or where to go, thinking about taking off, why did he think coming here was a good idea?
Just when Dean is about to will his feet to take a step, she says something, making him freeze, “Did you sleep alright?” There’s a small smile on her face. Something that makes him relax. She continues, “Not hungover?”
He lets out a breath and turns back to her, smiling a little because, maybe? Maybe he’s not a fucking idiot after all. “Yeah,” He runs a hand through his hair, nervous all of a sudden, “No, I felt fine this morning.”
It’s, of course, a lie.
She nods, and he walks towards the back door where Sam disappeared through. He holds the door open before he turns around again, “Bye, Y/N.”
Dean shakes his head as the door closes.
Yeah, he definitely is a fucking idiot.
He looks up again to see Sam leaning against the wall, his brother's arms are crossed over his chest. “How did she know about the opening?”
“I invited her.”
“Oh, so we just invite everyone that crosses our path now?”
Dean shushed Sam grumpily, “Calm the fuck down, alright? I invited her because Crowley expects a lot of women and we don’t exactly know a lot of them unless we pay them, do we?”
He waits for the words to set in Sam’s mind. He’s right, and Sam knows it.
“Whatever,” Sam scoffs, and turns around to make his way to Ash’s room. Before he knocks, Sam turns to Dean, “You ran a check on her?”
“She’s good, Sam. Trust me.”
*
They’re standing in the abandoned warehouse. Cas’ is by Dean’s side.
“So, Zachariah,” Dean snickers, “Can I call you Zach, yeah?” He takes a step closer to Zach who looks up at Dean, his face bruised, his eyes beaten black. Cas’ work, Dean knows. When it comes to thieves, Cas has no patience whatsoever.
“A little birdie told me that you stole from me,” Dean smiles a little, his teeth are sharp, his tongue wetting his lips, “How much did he get away with, Cas?”
“Five.” Cas answers dryly, playing along.
“Five?” Dean lifts an eyebrow at Cas. “Are you telling me we’re arguing here about five fucking pounds of meth?”
Dean knows that he wouldn’t care less about five pounds. Wouldn’t even get out here into the dirty and smelly neighborhood because some scumbag thinks that five pounds of meth is worth his fucking time. No, he’d only send his people, but this — this is much bigger than that.
“Five tons, Dean,” Cas says, playing his role in the charade, and rolls his eyes. And Dean registered that, thinking that the eye rolling is entirely Cas and not the part of the good cop he’s playing, “And two cases of bottled Opium. Pure. Not to add the twelve crates of brand new AK-47’s.”
“Oh, now we’re talking,” Dean snickers, and lowers himself down a little, squatting on his tiptoes to look at Zach who’s blood from his nose drops to the floor. Dean’s careful not to get any blood on his shoes or his suit.
Dean’s really not dumb, he just acts like it. Sometimes you need to give them a little show. He knows that Zach has stolen the whole damn truck, they only found him because of the tracking device he has on each and every one of his vehicles.
“So, Zach,” Dean looks at him and holds out his hand, the barrel of Dean’s gun is placed below Zach’s chin. He lifts it up so Zach would look him in the eye, “Who told you to do it.”
Zach spits blood onto the floor, missing Dean’s shoes by a mere inch and Dean grits his teeth, “Nobody, I did it myself.” Zach says, his voice strained, vocal chords hurting.
“Ah, so you just woke up one day and thought, hey, I’m too lazy to cook my own meth, why don’t I just steal from someone who wouldn’t miss it, eh?”
Zach’s lips are sealed.
“Look Zach, normally, I would be more patient. Maybe strip you of your limbs first, starting with your nails, then maybe your eyelids…”
It’s a lie. Dean always starts with the eyelids first. Because he wants the people to see what he’s doing to them.
“…I’d do it until you tell me who gave you the fucking order, but you know what? I’m really not in a good mood tonight.”
Not a word of a lie. Dean hasn’t been in a good mood because he’d rather be anywhere else but here.
“You’d have to kill me, I won’t say shit!” Zach spits out more blood, some droplets made it on Dean’s shoe and Dean’s not particularly amused by that.
He can’t believe that someone would rather die for Lucifer. They really must be brain dead. Or like, brainwashed.
His phone buzzes in his pocket and he takes it out. Answering on the fourth ring.
“What?!” He barks into the phone, waiting for the other party to answer.
“It’s a decoy. They’re testing us. Ash deciphered a code. It’s a fucking test run, Dean!” Sam sounds strangely calm over the phone. “They just want to see how long it’d take us.”
Dean pockets his phone away without a goodbye and turns to look at Cas. “Cas, I’m leaving. I got no fucking time for this shit.”
“Oh, come on! You’re kidding me!” Cas says, “What do you want me to do, Dean?”
Dean walks towards Zach again and before Cas could even blink, Dean places a bullet in Zach’s head, “There. Done.” He shrugs, placing the gun back in its holster.
“Great. Well done, Dean. Now we don’t know who he’s working for.”
Cas is annoyed, Dean can tell.
Dean turns to walk away, the heel of his shoes clicking on the cement floor. “Sam said it’s a decoy, Cas. They just wanted to see if they could get away with it and if they could, they wanted to see how long it would take us to be on their case. They’re planning something,” Dean lifts a hand in a wave, turning around one last time before he breaks for a run, “Oh, and you know, get Zach’s body out of here, that’d be great!”
Dean doesn’t know where he is rushing to. He just knows that he needs a fucking drink.
CH05
#something just like this#dean winchester#dean winchester x reader#dean x reader#dean winchester fic#mobster!dean#dean winchester fan fic#dean winchester fan fiction#nathalie writes
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