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heather-ouo · 2 years

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A Dream’s disguise ( alternative end )

Fu hua x HoC! Gender neutral! Reader

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Part 1, part 2, part 3 (end)

Masterlist

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Entry: 29, Entering time: [EXPUNGED] IDENTITY? : [ ] ——- IDENTITY? : [ X X X | ] ——— WELCOME XXX. ———— SELECTING —- SELECTED : CHAPTER. [EXPUNGED] ACT. [EXPUNGED] NAME : THE LAST BATTLE, FIC : A DREAM’S DISGUISE - RETRIEVE / DELETE? [ ] - RETRIEVE / DELETE? [ Retrieve| ] …../ … THIS CHAPTER HAS REACHED ITS END.{ ENDING ARE DETECTED AS ANGST}

REWRITE ENDING? [ ] — REWRITE ENDING? [ Yes | ] …….. MAKE A COPY? [ ] — MAKE A COPY [ Yes| ] —————————

“ Khalique you're up!”

“ What? ”

Khalique pokes her head out from the kitchen, a small figure turns around holding out a glowing light blue page at the white haired girl which she immediately understands.

She walks out of the kitchen and grabs the paper from ?, checking the paper she realized it was from the last timeline.

“ Really? ”

“ Yup, mind giving it a little change? ”

“ Just… this time. ”

Khalique changes her body back to the ghostly state, summoning out a portal she jumps in.

“ Imaginary, can you transfer me to the dream's disguise timeline? Like right after she tries to crush the core? ”

The tree didn’t respond or it never did, it just sucked her into the timeline Khalique wants to be in.

. . .

. .

“ Ha…. Ha…”

Same dream, same fight, she was lost to Fu Hua again intentionally, right before The phoenix grabbed her core she said out the same line but different.

“ Heh… you know if.. you crush my core… (y/n) will die with me. ”

This time, The phoenix stopped but her hand was still hovering over the core.

“ Make it quick. ”

“ (y/n)’s body is not fully theirs, the body is supported by the Herrscher core… the same one which now you are about to crush. ”

Taking the chances while Fu Hua is still sinking in the information, Khalique quickly chains her against the floor.

“ !!..”

“ You trickster.. ”

“ I wouldn’t say the same~ ”

The ghostly figure gets up from the ground watching the phoenix struggles with the chains, now it is the waiting game and trapping someone.

. .

. . .

This time the scene at the battlefield is quite different due to the none-crushing-core end, massive chains have wrapped itself around The End, Multiple cracks sounds followed with new chains replacing the cracked ones.

“ I win.. Kiana.. ”

The end.. or you should say Kiana the end, she didn’t reply instead is trying to break the chains that’s limiting her.

�� You.. are not Khalique… this is her power . . . Who are you?!”

“ ..I borrowed her body…? ”

“ Khalique.. won’t like this.. ”

“ Apparently I agreed to that idea. ”

A ghostly figure joins in.

“ Even a herrscher needs a break here and there Kiana. ”

“ But.. ”

“ I agreed on that, plus it is fun to watch their journey. ”

Khalique waves her hand and the chains break into cubes floating around the duo.

“ Admit your defeat Kiana in many of this timeline there’s some ending where humanity won against you. ”

“ l see.. What about our god? ”

“ Oh Father? Just tell him I'm taking a break from his crazy-honkai-related-plan. ”

( Translation: IM FIXING THE TIMELINE YOU FUCKED UP DAD )

“ Honkai has a gender? ”

“ Nah i just called him Father and he accepted it. ”

In reality Khalique called Honkai Mother before father and annoyed the hell out of Honkai who decided to let Khalique call them Father.

. .

. . .

( gonna skip to the wedding since the main thing is done (kind of) )

“ ‘The savior of humanity and Jingwei’s wedding’ huh? ”

Khalique smirked at you who’s in a dress/suit, embarrassed you turned your head to the opposite side.

Anyway you didn’t expect they would make this big of a wedding. Moreover Khalique will represent the priest.

The wedding’s decorations are finished ahead of time thanks to Khalique who just makes everything out of honkai with a casual face as if she did this before, the music is on, guests here and there.

Yet you are panicking in the dressing room while the person who’s responsible for putting your slight makeup on just stands there and watches you walking back and forth.

“ Do I look good??? Nooo! What if I accidentally trip by the carpet while walking?! ”

“ (Y/n)~ are you re- ”

*BAM!*

Apparently you slam the door the moment it opens and now we have a hurt Khalique who’s holding her face on the floor and a panicking (h/c).

“ Auhhhh…Fuhak hehhh! ”

( Translation: ahhh…ducking hell! )

“ Do i…. Call the ambulance..? ”

“ NH! WH HAUH A WEHDING GUHING ON! ”

( no! We have a wedding going on! ” )

Soo after that short accident in the dressing room the wedding went on without a accident.

“ Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man/woman and this woman in holy matrimony. ”

“ Fu Hua, do you take this woman to be your wife, to live together in holy matrimony, to love them, to honor them, to comfort them, and to keep them in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?"

“ I do. ”

“ (y/n) , do you take this woman to be your wife, to live together in (holy) matrimony, to love her, to honor her, to comfort her, and to keep her in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?"

“ I-l do. ”

Then follows with nothing.

“ you know what? I'm tired of saying the same full line for every Kaslanas’s wedding and now yours? ”

“ JUST SAY THE LINE! ”

A person yelled.

“ You may kiss the bride! ”

Then you are suddenly pulled over by Fu Hua.

*Clap clap!*

Khalique quickly walks away from the crowds of people who begin to swarm around the new marriage couple, she holds out the glowing light blue paper which it breaks to cubes and disappears.

….

REWRITE ENDING STATE : COMPLETE

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There you all go :)

Don’t sus me saying i copy and paste the wedding line from internet.

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Part 1, part 2, part 3 (end)

Masterlist

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Tagging people ( permission asked :D)

@azukaaa

#fu hua honkai #honkai fanfics #honkai impact #honkai x reader #honkai impact x reader #fu hua x reader #Now few more to go T vT

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baniigattsuu · 3 months

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i swear... whoever's praying on my downfall, congrats. its working. i told myself that this year would be my year. it took me years of thinking and planning, contemplating my true passion and purpose in life. and now that i finally found it, i've become SOOOO lazy. i understand that i'm still really young, have plenty of time, and yet have my whole life ahead of me, but what i truly realized, is that RIGHT NOW, is the EXACT moment in my life when i should be working towards my future, studying what i love, and putting in all the consistent effort to be the best version of myself. yET STILL... i sit around, lay in bed, avoid chores and responsibilities, waste my time and potential doing absolutely fuck all, playing computer games or watching youtube. i stay up late every night, my mind is the most active in the late hours, so i have the most motivation and ideas at night. but if i were to actually work at night, i'd lose my energy and prolly fall asleep on my desk. at those times, i always say "i'm gonna wake up tomoro with so much inspiration and determination and work for hours and hours until the sun sets!!!!" yeah shut the fuck up satsu we both you know you ain't gonna do that. you all know you don't do that. we all know you sit on your ass and complain about not getting much attention online when you don't even bother to put the attempts into your creativity. and the craziest thing is that i always have so much free time. i'm literally rarely ever busy, so i have ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD to focus on what i love most and what i aspire to do as an adult. but my sleeping habits and lack of motivation are what's stopping me. i usually wouldn't call myself a creative person, but i know if i have enough inspiration i could create a good thing or two, yet, all i do, all day everyday, is watch youtube, play games, and sit around eating junk. i should be fixing my diet. fixing my sleep schedule. going to the gym. cleaning my room more. studying online (i have a huge playlist on youtube filled with reliable sources of information based on things i love most and wanna study), self-teaching myself skills i would like to have, and aCTUALLY HAVING THE STIMULUS TO DO SIMPLE BASIC THINGS. YET HERE I AM WAKING UP AT 1PM AND STRUGGLING TO PUT 3 PIECES OF CLOTHING AWAY. most actors, singers, creators.. etc, start as teens. start young. so thats what i should be doing right now. this is my prep time. this is my chance. i have so much potential, so much power, so much time, so much possibilities. this is as good as it gets. i need to prepare to be fully educated on everything i need as an adult. cuz i know damn well that time sprints ahead of you in just a few blinks. but, at the same time, i do have mental differences. i have psychological issues i've struggled with since a young age, which it makes it a lot harder for me to get things done, so i sympathize and forgive myself for all that. but the thing is, as of late, all that shit has been getting better. right now, i'm not necessarily anxious or stressed about one specific thing, therefore, i have nothing much relating to cognition that is stopping me from functioning. and i also understand how comforting it can be do to specific things on the internet, like re-discovering favourite nostalgic music and youtubers you loved as a kid (what i've done recently), but that should be a REWARD. that should be something i get at the end, when i've finished a good bit of my achievements. like a prize i get for a job well done....

#audhd #work problems #motivating myself #life purpose

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archiveikemen · 2 years

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Mashiro Kanade Main Story — Chapter 17

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Kanade: What you need is hunger for more.

MC: What?

Kanade: Once you're satisfied, you don't crave for more.

Kanade: Are you going to just stop there?

I quietly accepted our differences.

I looked up at Kanade, whose hair was dyed a reddish colour by the sun.

MC: If you're writing songs to satisfy that hunger...

I took a deep breath before I continued.

MC: Then I'm doing the opposite.

My tone was surprisingly calm.

Kanade waited for me to continue, with a somewhat amused expression on his face.

MC: My heart is overwhelming with emotions.

MC: Those thoughts and feelings are ones I cannot fully understand alone.

MC: I have to express them through a song.

MC: Therefore, the more emotions I fill my heart with, the more songs I can write.

When I finished talking, Kanade let out a small sigh.

Kanade: ...I see.

Kanade: Desire and fulfilment...

Kanade: ...Are indeed opposites.

For some reason, Kanade was smiling as he said that.

When I noticed his expression, I also relaxed my face.

(I feel that we've gotten a lot closer today.)

I don't know if this is proof of that, but we weren't awkwardly silent throughout the date.

The air between the two of us was peaceful.

(Maybe it's because I learned a little more about Kanade's background and his way of thinking.)

(Also...)

I looked down at our hands, which were still clasped together.

(I never knew Kanade's hands were this big and warm.)

I realised that we weren't too different from the couples around us.

Things have changed so much from the day I first arrived at the Sakuragi.

Kanade: I learnt a lot from you today.

MC: Huh!?

I looked up in surprise when I heard that unexpected remark.

Kanade looked at me with a satisfied smile.

Kanade: In return, I'll show you what I know about dating.

Kanade: So, look forward to it.

MC: O-okay...

(Is it safe to assume that there will be a second date?)

Feeling overjoyed, I replied almost instantly.

Even before he told me to look forward to it, I was already overwhelmed with excitement and my heart was hammering against my chest.

(At least he enjoyed today's date enough to thank me.)

(Although, at the end of the day, I don't think I actually taught you much about dating.)

(Did I really do well?)

While I was busy thinking to myself, Kanade let go of my hand.

Kanade: Let's go home. I'm tired of walking.

MC: Alright.

When we returned to the Sakuragi, I parted from Kanade at the entrance.

I was still in a dreamy state of mind.

(That was so much fun...)

(Spending time with Kanade.)

(Maybe it's because we spent so much time together.)

As I walked absentmindedly down the hallway, I nearly bumped into Henri, who just came out of the living room...

Henri: Oh... I'm sorr— are you okay?

MC: Ah, I'm so so sorry I wasn't watching where I was going!

Henri smiled as I looked up at him, flustered.

Henri: Welcome home, MC.

MC: Thanks, Henri.

Henri: Did you go on a date with Kanade? I heard about it from Kyoichiro.

MC: Um, yeah...

MC: But it wasn't an actual date. It was just a demonstration.

Seeing how embarrassed I was, Henri laughed.

Henri: Ahaha what is that supposed to mean? Anyways, how do you feel about your first date?

Henri: ...I mean, Kanade went to a park with you.

Henri: I can't imagine him doing that.

MC: That's what I thought too.

I responded in a joking tone, looking back at the great time I had today.

MC: I don't know how Kanade felt about it, but I enjoyed myself very much.

MC: I heard many stories.

Henri: What do you mean?

Henri asked with great interest.

MC: Um... he talked about his past, music, and so on.

Henri: His past...

Henri: Did he tell you about his mother's death?

MC: He did.

(I see. Henri already knows everything.)

But, for some reason, Henri kept silent for a moment...

Henri: ...

MC: What's the matter?

Henri, who had been staring at the floor, suddenly looked into my eyes.

His voice became a little softer than before.

Henri: But Kanade didn't mention the part where his father said he was a 'madman'?

MC: Erm...

Those words made my heart ache.

(A 'madman'? His own father called him that?)

MC: ...Why?

Henri whispered to me,

Henri: ...When Kanade's mother passed on, he continued writing songs as if it meant nothing to him.

Henri: His father saw it, that's why he said such a thing to Kanade.

MC: Oh...

I was at a loss for words.

Henri: I really like Kanade a lot. But...

Henri: I'm worried that he will treat you the same way he treated his mother.

MC: ...What do you mean?

Henri's eyes were more serious than ever.

Henri: I'm certain that Kanade will always prioritise music over you.

Henri: The only reason why he even cares about you right now, is that he recognises your talent in music.

Henri: And if you're unable to live up to his expectations, he'll easily lose interest in you.

Henri's words shocked me.

I unconsciously turned my gaze to the floor.

MC: That's...

(Perhaps he's right.)

(It's not just about music. There's always something you risk losing when you want to gain something.)

I understood that very well.

(In Kanade's case, he even sacrificed the time he could've spent to grieve his mother's death, in order to grow more popular worldwide as SO.)

Kanade made that decision when he was only 14 years old.

(Maybe I need to prepare myself for that too...)

(Even if he only cares about my talent, I want to continue making music with him.)

I made up my mind, but my heart still hurt.

(Ah... I know this feeling.)

I looked up quietly and took a deep breath.

(I'm know it now.)

(For me, Kanade is the person I want to make music with. But before I knew it, he became the person I always want to spend time with.)

(That's why...)

Henri: ...MC?

Henri called out to me, tilting his head.

MC: I'm sure Kanade didn't mean to neglect his mother.

MC: I think he did mourn her death, but in a different way from his father and other people. So he was misunderstood.

MC: Moreover, I doubt that his mother, who loved him so much, would've said he was crazy.

I couldn't stop myself, so I blurted everything out.

For a split second, I thought I saw a hint of sadness on Henri's face.

Henri: I...

After a short thoughtful silence, Henri gave me his usual smile.

Henri: As long as you don't get hurt, it's okay!

MC: Thanks, Henri.

I smiled back at him.

After parting with Henri and returning to my room ——

I was alone, staring at my own hand, which could still feel the warmth of Kanade's touch.

I clasped my hands together.

== Flashback Start ==

Kanade: Aren't we on a date?

== Flashback End ==

(Kanade held my hand... until the end of our date.)

Just thinking about it made me feel a sweet tightening sensation in my heart.

(What should I do?)

(I think I'm growing fond of Kanade.)

As soon as I realised my feelings for Kanade, I could feel a song writing itself in my head.

(It won't stop.)

I came up with the lyrics and hummed the melody.

I rushed to write them down.

All that came to my mind was Kanade, and they were all warm and happy thoughts.

(This is the first time I've ever felt this way...)

While MC was accepting her own feelings... ——

Kanade was composing in his bedroom.

Kanade: ...

He smiled softly, strumming the strings of his guitar.

Just then, a knock on the door echoed through the room...

Kyoichiro: Hey, I'm coming in.

Kyoichiro opened the door and stepped into the room without waiting for an answer, as usual.

Kanade stopped playing his guitar and looked up in silence.

Kyoichiro's eyes widened when he saw how unusually happy Kanade was.

Kyoichiro: ...?

Kanade: What's the matter with you? Staring at people's faces.

Kanade: Not tired of seeing my face?

Kyoichiro laughed at Kanade's casual remark.

Kyoichiro: Oh? I've been tired of it since a long time ago. (he's joking)

Kyoichiro: I came to see you because I wanted to ask what time you'll be at the music room tomorrow.

Kanade: I'll leave at 8am.

Kyoichiro: Got it.

Kyoichiro: By the way, you went out with MC today, right? How did it go?

Kanade: ...It wasn't bad.

Even Kyoichiro has rarely seen Kanade being so cheerful.

Kyoichiro: It's kind of refreshing to hear you react to anything apart from music.

Kyoichiro: Ah—... this was what Henri talked about.

Kyoichiro said to himself.

Kanade: Hm? Did you say something?

Kyoichiro: Nope.

Kanade: Hm...

Kanade lifted his mouth into a smile and started humming again.

#ikemen live #ikelive main story #ikemen series #cybird ikemen #otome #cybird otome #kanade main story

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alirasworlds · 3 years

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Omiri: Help me....

[A/N: I... Don’t really know how to explain this oneshot? I’ve been playing the game Omori lately, and god damn it’s, I’m relating to it a lot more than I thought I would, mainly in how the protag is. So as per my norm I ended up writing this after the scene in question happened.

Note, I, didn’t really think of using the protag(Sunny I’ve seen people call him? I named him Mono in my file so...), as with most games I tend to, insert a version of myself into it or use a oc to better help me figure out their headspace and how to write the world so to speak, plus I DID see there was concept art of a female Omori/Sunny, so I’ve, sort of used that here and tried to expand on a verse where I guess Sunny/the protag was a girl? With a fair amount of differences and my own additions I will eventually explain in a few cases? However I came up with my own designs for this character’s IRL form and dream self I’ll share later and she’s got her own name.

To keep this somewhat on track and so people don’t hopefully get mad at me if I title it Omori, I’ve decided to call this verse “Omiri”, as it wasn’t until after I decided on that name that I realized Omori is from the word Hikikomori, and since I believe a character swap au where Mari and Sunny swap place for one reason or another(I’ve been avoiding spoilers as best I can so I don’t fully know why) is the Hikiki verse, or something, soo Omiri works so hopefully people don’t get mad?

Anyway, the protag’s name is as follows, note I may change her real world name as I went for my default one involving part of my URL I normally use until I figure out a different one. IRL: Alira Omi Dream: Omiri

Note she is still related to Mari like Sunny is. Scene is when you’re over at Basil’s house for dinner. And with that I shall shush and let the fic speak for itself XD]

Alira froze when she heard Kel tell Basil she was moving, head immediately snapping up from her plate to look at Basil, who had completely froze, his hand dropping his spoon back into the bowl as he looked at Kel.

Kel, you dummy…!

“W-What? …” Basil’s tone was that of pure shock, expression one of a forced smile, and it made Alira want to hug him. “Alira’s… m-moving...?”

Kel, ever the oblivious one, continued. “Oh yeah! I thought I already mentioned it…” He took another bite of his food before going on. “I must have forgot.” Another bite. “She’s moving in… three days, I think?” He took another bite, but paused and gave an apologetic smile to Basil. “Sorry... I thought you already knew.”

“O-Oh… Uh...” his voice and smile were shaky, fragile, hardly holding it together. “No, I guess I must have missed it…” His expression cracked, just the slightest. “S-Sorry… Umm…” He pulled his expression together enough to make an embarrassed smile. “M-May I be excused? I… I have to go to the bathroom.”

Polly gave him a nod and he quickly got up from his seat, rushing to the doorway to the rest of his house, but he paused and looked back at Alira, expression one of him close to tears, before he bolted into the hallway out of sight.

“What’s up with him?” Kel asked to no one in particular as Alira stared after her best friend, heart beating painfully in her chest as something painful gripped her heart. “Well, that’s just how it is. When you gotta go, you gotta go!”

“...If there are any leftovers, put them in a bag please, I like this.” Alira softly said as she quickly stood up, bowl still having some of the soup, and rushed after Basil after she put his photo album he gave her in her bag.

She looked at the door she remembered led to the bathroom and saw the light was off, regardless, she went over and entered.

“Everything is going to be okay…. Everything is going to be okay….” Even with the lights off, she could still see well enough to see Basil, gripping at his head, and shaking as he stood there, desperately saying to himself. “Everything is going to be okay… Everything is going to be okay…”

She could also see what looked to be a dark shadow on the floor, in the shape of vines or roots coming from a tree, pulsing beneath his feet. Her mind immediately recognized it as something like, the thing haunting her….

The door behind her shut with an audible click as the knob slipped from her grip, causing Basil to whirl around to look at her, clearly startled as he said shakily. “O-Oh… It’s you… Alira…” He forced a smile. “You’re here… I’m so glad…”

She stepped towards him in concern as he then asked. “You… You can see it too, can’t you? Something… behind you….”

She felt the hair on the back of her neck, with her hair currently up in that loose bun Basil had generously done for her earlier, standing up on end at that as she felt that familiar feeling of her Something right behind her.

Her expression quirked in fear, and she forced herself to not look at the mirror behind Basil as she walked up to him, and where he got a better look at her expression, which he was quick to ask about as his own quirked in concerned fright. “Alira… W-Why… Why do you look so scared?”

She felt her hand shaking as she brought up her hand to bite on the side of it in an attempt to calm herself, shutting her eyes as she shakily tried to will it to go away. “It’s not behind me it’s not behind me…” She breathed in, calming down just enough to open her eyes and walk up to the bathroom mirror. It was not going to be there, it couldn’t, it shouldn’t, she told it to go away...

“It’s not there... it’s not there... it’s not-” The desperate mantra she was uttering stopped, when she spotted that black mass, with the one eye, peering at her from over her shoulder. Staring, haunting, judging-

She inhaled sharply as she stepped back, eyes filling with tears without delay, and she spun around before crashing into Basil, almost knocking him over as she latched onto him in the form of a hug, shaking like a leaf like he was.

She couldn’t speak, her throat shut with fear and fright, but despite this Basil was quick to react and latch onto her in return, grip almost like a vice and tight but also… Gentle.

She tried to catch her breath, tried to force herself to calm down, but it wasn’t working, that THING WAS BEHIND HER-

“Alira…” Basil’s voice, she latched onto that sound, trying so hard to focus on that instead of the thing behind her. “Everything is okay now, isn’t it?”

She took a few moments to breathe, and nodded once she felt she calmed down a bit. “I… I think….” She certainly calmed down enough to speak at least.

After a few moments, she let go of Basil, stepping back to give him room once he very reluctantly let go of her, still holding onto her hands though. Her hands, delicate like his own, but thinner clearly.

She smiled at him shakily and opened her mouth to say something, but all she let out was a strangled cry as she felt something wrap around her neck and pull tight.

She gasped for air as she ripped her hands away from Basil’s to claw at her neck, Basil backing up in alarm and fright as he saw that thing behind her wrap some part of itself around her neck, jolting her back as she clawed at it and struggled for air. She couldn’t breathe…!

It was trying to.. It was trying to…! No…!

“N-no! You’re not…!” Basil sprung forward, hands over the pitch black thing around her neck, grasping onto it, and while he felt his own Something stirring beneath his feet, he still managed to wrech the thing away from her neck, allowing her to gasp for air as she stumbled back, eyes wide with pure fear and panic as she visibly shook.

Her eyes filled with tears as she began backing up towards the door, crying out pitifully in a tearful tone. “I… I don’t want to…”

“W...Wait… P-please, Alira…” Basil tearfully begged her as she backed up, reaching out for her. “Don’t leave me… Not again…”

“I…. I… I don’t want to go…!” She sobbed out, her Something pricking at her back and making her cry even more. “I-I want… To stay…! Please, please don’t make me… leave him…!”

She didn’t want to leave, she realized. Not just now, not now when Basil clearly needed support, but to leave at all, she wanted to stay in Faraway, she didn’t want to move when had her mother ever talked about moving she couldn’t remember but she DIDN'T WANT TO-

Despite herself, something in her made her turn around, open the door, and leave despite her best friend’s and her own pleading.

#omori fanfic #omori basil #omori game #omori something #Omori #Omori OC #No I...don't really know what I was doing with this?#I wrote this on impulse and because I legitamately wanted to hug Basil in that scene but the game didn't let me #So I sort of just....made up a reason and this spiralled into this xD #I still need to finish the game mind you to fully understand everything but I'm trying my best #so please be nice....? I haven't posted fanfic online for ages so I'm nervous about this one despite being proud of how it came out #Might talk about this little AU if people want me to...?

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olderthannetfic · 2 years

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you (seem like you) like actually fully love yourself and your live and don't want to die. How?? Like how did you get to that place?

(you don't have to answer if you don't want, I just think you're cool and am in awe)

Aww, thanks, anon.

Well... I have two responses here, and I want you to listen to both of them, okay?

Response the first is that while I've certainly worked at and still work at loving myself, a lot of my basic well being and mental health come from loving, sane parents with decent boundaries and a lack of genetic predisposition to mental illness. I'm not saying this to depress you but to point out that nobody should be too hard on themselves.

Mental health things can be like financial things where everyone's telling you "bootstraps, bootstraps", while ignoring that they started life way ahead of the game, and not everybody has those advantages. So if things seem very hard, don't beat yourself up. Maybe you just got dealt a shitty hand.

Response the second is that even with a shitty hand, life is not hopeless. What you do on a daily basis makes a big difference. Fixing my sleep and eating habits is a lifelong process, but it has definitely helped my mental health. Forcing myself to finally write my first novel involved learning time management I never did as a ~gifted kid~. Finishing that project made me feel better about things I didn't even know bothered me.

Exercise is an... uh... ongoing project. (Read, I am terrible at doing exercise, but it does help with mental health.) Decluttering my mother's horror of a house is too, and every time I make the space I spend my days in tidy and cute, I feel so much better. Scattered belongings mean a scattered mind for me. Having less stuff is a part of that. I'm a packrat by nature, but it's bad for me.

Being in my 40s also helps. I was happier than most teens, but I still had a lot of emotional ups and downs and hormones going nuts back then. I know who I am better now than I could have in my 20s and 30s.

I too have times I feel awful though. I'm extremely anxious about money right now. I have family I can fall back on, but that means groveling to someone in a way that's deeply embarrassing for my middle-aged ass. I'm about to move in with my girlfriend, and a lot of decluttering and such needs to happen first. I do think I have a better foundation than most of liking myself deep down, but it doesn't necessarily get rid of the surface level anxiety and bad brain days.

If you are currently very young, some things may just calm down as you age and hormones calm down. I don't mean horny hormones: I mean how teenage bodies dump chemicals in your brain all the time, and emotions are as volatile as you'd expect from that. If you are not so young, good habits won't solve everything, but they're a good first step. The key for most people is a stable environment, low stress levels, and professional help, usually both meds and talk/behavioral therapy. All of that takes money, so I understand how frustrating that can be to hear. Aggressive decluttering, making your space nice, and removing sources of stress from your life like toxic friends or social media addiction are things one can start on without a lot of money though.

Nobody has to go through life wanting to die all the time. We all have bad days, but that's extreme. Feeling better is a long process with a lot of hard work, but there are strategies you can try. I recommend seeking out advice from people who started in a much darker place than I did. They're going to have more practical advice because their attempts to love themselves were more conscious and concrete. I know some of my readers have linked to subreddits and other sources of free advice on how to replicate things like CBT and DBT on your own if going to a pro is not an option.

Good luck, nonnie!

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spoopy-fish-writes · 2 years

Note

I read your fic about Rio helping Mc with depression for another person and I really enjoyed it🥺💖. If it’s still open could I possibly request Clavis from ikepri helping a depressed MC?

🥺💝💝💝

—Clavis supporting a depressed MC

Suitor(s): Clavis

TW: Depression, lack of motivation, a lil bit of self doubt, also a lil bit of self neglect, minor allusions to spoilers for his route. There is no actual spoiler but some stuff hints at spoilers

Notes: Gender neutral MC || I'm glad you enjoyed it dear 💜💜 Sorry if this one isn't entirely up to par, my mind went 😗💫 after the second bullet point 🙂

I'd be lying if I said that he wasn't entirely prepared for a situation like this, at least unconsciously

He's well versed in your moods and can tell almost immediately that you aren't quite alright, making a mental note of everything about you that's changed and all of your symptoms as he tried to help you work through it

He makes sure that he knows virtually everything he can about you from what lowers your mood to what motivates you and he put it to good use

The change in how he treats you and helps you isn't obvious but you can easily tell. He's gentler with you, more patient with you than ever before and you can just about tell the different tone that his teasing takes on; never mocking or insensitive but still very much Clavis. He makes a conscious effort to not do anything that would leave you upset or otherwise negatively because he's fully aware of the affect that a lot of his words tend to have

He understands the guilt that can come with these feelings so he doesn't change how he acts with you in pubic so much that you start to feel that he's making changes in himself just for you or that people might start to question and mock him, almost as though there's nothing off

He also doesn't want you worrying yourself over him since his habits and line of work aren't exactly all that game and particularly calm so he keeps most of those things on the down low so you aren't too concerned when you should be caring more about yourself

He refuses to leave your side for too long and only does if it's something that there is no way that he can avoid. He's not had the best experiences with other people in this way so he's scared to leave you alone for too long unless you ask because feeling alone is something that he knows isn't going to help you

He's extremely cautious with you and he tries to do and get what he knows will help you

Low energy and you can't seem to be able to finish any of the tasks your supposed to complete? No problem, time to go outside and go to the sweet shop that Yves and Licht recommended. The tasks can be put off and sometimes you just need a change of atmosphere

You can get up out of bed and everything feels too overwhelming? Let's go for something light for breakfast and get you freshened up. He's a master at making excuses so you've earned yourself the day off

Feeling numb or emotionally unstable? Hell just sit with you. If you want him to talk, then he'll talk. He's got no end of stories to tell about his various escapades and pranks and he isn't looking for a reaction

He can talk just for the sake of talking. You just want to know that he's there even if neither of you say anything? He can do that to, a comment or two thrown in along the way to make sure that the silence doesn't seem too suffocating

He's not entirely sure what to do all of the time and goes by what he knows makes you feel better in each scenario respectively but he'll do just about anything you ask

He isn't so heartless of a tease to just leave you on your lonesome and pretend that you're fine or act as cruel as he sometimes can be but he doesn't want to make you feel as though he completely changing himself just for your sake so do expect the occasional light jest and affectionate nickname here and there

He's still the same Clavis, still the same tease with the same astute understanding of your moods and habits, just that much more delicate with you

Tags: @themysticalbeing@rurifangirl @ndoandou @legalize-arson @kpop-and-otome @character-design-who @kisara-16 @fangirlinindia @aceeeeuuuuuu

If you want to be added or removed from my tag list, dm me, send me an ask off anon or fill out this form

Do not repost, edit or claim. Only reblog 💜

#ikepri #ikepri headcanons #ikepri headcanon #clavis lelouch #ikemen prince #ikemen prince headcanons #ikemen prince headcanon #tw depression #tw self neglect #tw self doubt #comfort #ikepri clavis

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mageofseven · 4 years

Text

Part 3 with Beel and Belphie is ready!

Part 1 | Part 2

Beelzebub:

The big guy noticed the changes with his girlfriend before she even mentioned them; the sixth brother is pretty observant with those he cares about after all.

Whenever he discussed how worried he was about her, about her lethargy and dizzy spells, the woman would just smile and say she was fine, that it was just her body being off and human bodies are just weird like this at times.

Beel didn't know much about the human body so he chose to believe his Muffin on this, even if he was still worried.

As the months went on, MC started to gain weight. The demon noticed this, but it really didn't faze him at first; he didn't mind it if his girlfriend was a bit rounder in her torso.

What he did mind however was how self-conscious his girlfriend got about it. She had been eating a lot more recently and she couldn't really fight it, but she also hated every pound gained from it all.

Beel always told her how beautiful she was and how her weight never changed that to him.

However, she'd glance down at how her belly poked out now and looked to her boyfriend, who was so incredibly strong and was practically the living definition of fitness and was so good looking... and she couldn't help but fall even deeper into the slow burning feeling of loathing with of her own body.

One day, MC asked if she could go to the gym with him. The Avatar of Gluttony was immediately tense because she still wasn't feeling well, but he knew it would probably make her feel a bit better if she was exercising and actively working on what was bothering her

So he agreed, but the man couldn't bring himself to do his usual workout routine with her there. The big guy was just too worried about his Muffin.

At one point, the man just noticed that something seemed off about his Human.

He set down the weights and walked over to the treadmill she was on-- and got there just in time to catch her as she fainted.

Luckily, the woman woke up fairly quickly, but her boyfriend had enough; no more exercise for her, not until she got her dizziness under control.

For the next few days, the MC was extra depressed and just found herself in bed more, usually snuggled up with either Beel or Belphie.

It was one such day when the cramping started.

She had gotten to lay with Beel for awhile, but eventually he had to leave for the game with his teammates.

Usually, MC would go and watch him play, but since her cramps were so bad, she didn't really have this option.

She was cuddled up in bed with Belphie when the redhead gave her a kiss goodbye and told her and his twin that he'd come straight home, receiving a nod from his Muffin and a thumbs up from his twin.

The pain just got worse while he was gone though and things evolved to MC gripping onto the Avatar of Sloth and heavily sobbing into his chest.

The seventh brother couldn't move and get help; everytime he tried, the human would beg between sobs for him not to leave her. He couldn't call for help either because he realized that he left his phone up in the planetarium.

Belphie was stuck with the sobbing human for over three hours until Beel came home.

Eventually, MC could feel something lowering within her and the need to push was unbearable.

"B-Belphie, help me up!"

The man did as he was told and helped her off the bed.

Beely came into the room just in time to see his girlfriend squatting and pushing out the head while his twin held onto her to help keep her balanced.

Eyes wide, the demon ran to girlfriend. His brain wasn't fully registering what the heck was happening, but his immediate reaction was still to rush to her side and help her.

MC immediately grabbed onto her boyfriend.

"B-Beely--uhhh... i-it's coming out."

Still deeply confused and concerned, the man's gaze dropped down between her legs, now letting himself focus on the head between them.

MC... his Muffin was having his baby!

Okay action then thoughts. Right now, the man just had to be there for her.

"Belphie, go tell Lucifer. We need a doctor."

The man was really trying to keep calm for his Muffin.

Without really pausing to answer, his twin rushed out the door.

"It's okay, Muffin, I'm here."

The redhead held onto his girlfriend and encouraged her as she pushed.

When the baby was finally pushed out enough to be freed from it's mom, Beel already had his hands around it so it didn't fall to the floor.

The demon forgot to breathe for a minute as he stared down at his daughter. His daughter.

Smiling, Beel lifted his gaze back to his girlfriend, but found that the woman was still crying in pain.

"Muffin?"

"I-It still--ughhhh, I think there's another."

The man's eyes widen.

Beel noticed his girlfriend's legs shaking and knew she wouldn't be able to keep herself up.

He adjusted his hold on his little girl before guiding MC onto the bed to lay down. He stayed between her legs and continued to give her encouraging words.

Since their sister already stretched the way open for them, the second baby was crowning in very little time.

A few minutes later, MC birthed the second baby, another girl. Both girls had his wings, horns, even his hair and eye color.

The man held both girls in his arms, already overwhelmed with his love for them, before looking up at MC, who was regaining her breath.

Beel sat down next to her and kissed her cheek.

"Are you alright?"

His girlfriend nodded, gaze falling to their girls.

"Beely... we're parents now?"

Beel smiled and nodded.

"I..." The woman sighed. "How did this even happen?"

"I dunno... are you okay with this, Muffin?"

"...Are you?"

His smile grew.

"Yeah."

She gave her boyfriend a small smile.

"Then... I am too."

Beel leaned down and kissed her.

"Good. I love you... I love our girls." The demon smiled down at the twins in his arms before meeting MC's eyes again. "This is... a dream. All at once, I got everything I wanted in life. I'll make sure to give you and the girls everything I can."

The doctor finally came a few minutes later, obviously late. Still, he checked MC and the girls to make sure they were okay and before he even left, the rest of House of Lamentation knew that the two were now parents.

Belphegor:

It took Belphie a bit longer than his twin to realize something was wrong with MC.

Sleepy boy... well, has a sleepy mind.

Not to say that it took him long though; while Beel noticed the human feeling off in his scenario on the first day, it took his twin about three days.

Honestly, he wasn't really worried about how tired they got. Hell, that just meant more naps they could take together so the Avatar of Sloth was winning in that regard.

He didn't really care about the weight gain either. Yeah, he teased her about it a bit, but it was always followed by wrapping his arms around her waist and if his words actually hurt her, which sometimes they did, he'd sleepily kiss their neck, their cheek, their lips

"It was a joke, Butthead." He'd tell them. "If anything, you're even cuter with a belly."

And the boy thrived off the blush that came after.

What the boy didn't enjoy, however, was her dizzy spells. The woman would go pale and suddenly have to grab onto him. Sometimes, MC would even full on faint and he'd have to quickly catch her before she hit the ground.

The first time that happened, the two were on their way to lunch at RAD and suddenly his girlfriend stopped walking. He turned around to ask why she stopped just for the woman to fall forward and for him to have to scramble to catch her.

Luckily, the woman was only out for a minute and was confused when she woke up in her boyfriend's arms, laying on the hallway floor at RAD.

Belphie took her straight home after that, not even giving the human the option to stick around and finish the school day.

The demon didn't understand what was wrong with his Human and whenever he'd ask MC, the woman didn't seem too concerned. Lightly, yes, but she said it'd probably correct itself and human bodies are just weird for the sake of being weird sometimes.

The seventh brother wasn't sure that he believed it, but he also didn't have any other answer so he just chose to leave it at that.

Basically, it was months of Sleepy Boy pretending he didn't care, but secretly hovering over his girlfriend.

After nine months of this hovering, it finally ended.

The two were upstairs in the attic, napping.

MC had been having cramps all day and Belphie suggested just sleeping through them, saying that eventually they will just go away.

Technically, he was right, just not in a way he expected.

He woke up to MC heavily sobbing his name. The man jolted awake and found his girlfriend gripping his shirt and burying her face in his chest.

"What's wrong--"

That's when he noticed the bed was... wet? Why was it wet?

"B-Belphie, somethings--gaaahh." The woman was panting through the pain.

The demon threw the blanket off of her and saw that the bed was soaked, as was her leggings, but there was also a slight bulge.

He pulled them down and saw that she was crowning.

His eyes went wide. She's pregnant? How the hell is she pregnant?

He looked back up at MC, who was still crying from the contractions, and knew he had to handle this before anything else.

He got up from the bed and positioned himself between her legs.

"You gotta push." He told her. "It's not gonna end if you don't push, Butthead."

His voice was firm, but tinged with some sympathy.

The woman was in too much pain to argue.

It took twenty minutes, but the MC managed to push the baby out half way, only to be pulled out completely by her boyfriend.

The demon stared down at the baby, a boy with his tail, eyes, and hair, and didn't know how to feel. He had gotten so focused on helping MC that his emotions felt lightyears away.

The human cried out and his head snapped up to look see her still writhing in pain.

Was there another one? The man quickly found out that there was.

And so it all repeated.

Once the second one was born, a little girl with his horns and eyes, but MC's hair, Belphie stared down at the twins on the bed, crying at the top of their lungs.

The man was already so tired of hearing cries.

"B-Belphie..."

He looked up at MC, who had a panicked expression on her face.

Leaving the twins laying between her legs, the Avatar of Sloth went back to his side of the bed and pulled her into his arms.

Neither said a word for a while. The only sound in the room were their twins' cries.

"I didn't know..." MC mumbled.

Belphie pulled back to meet her eyes, just staring into them for a full minute.

"Promise me. Promise that it's true and you didn't know."

"I promise. I swear on everything I have with you that I had no idea."

He sighed.

"Okay." He leaned in and kissed her.

After a moment or two, he pulled away and looked down at the crying babies on the bed.

"So... what do you wanna do with them?"

"I..." The woman stared down at her babies. "C-Can you bring them to me?"

Her boyfriend nodded and scooped up the babies one at a time to bring into her arms.

The woman brought them to her chest, causing them to finally stop crying in favor of feeding from her.

Belphie watched this quietly, not really sure what else to do.

After about a minute or two, MC spoke up.

"Belphie... would you be mad at me... if I said I wanted to keep them?"

The woman knew her boyfriend wasn't a fan of kids, a topic they always clashed with a bit. MC didn't think she could survive losing her twins in anyway now that they're here, but she worried about what Belphie would think of this.

The man pursed his lips. He honestly never wanted kids before, never liked them. Still though... he felt odd. Different.

Maybe it was seeing MC hold his children so sweetly in this moment, but he wasn't as against this as he always imagined himself to be.

Was he at the beginning of developing paternal feelings or was he simply not strong enough to take away something that his girlfriend obviously wanted so much? The demon wasn't sure.

"No. I'm not mad." He shook his head. "I... damn, I don't understand how this is happening but... if you want this then I'm here for the long haul. I'll take care of them; I'll take care of you. We'll do this together."

Part 1 | Part 2

#obey me #obey me otome #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me mc #obey me pregnant mc

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sonofanumbranwitch · 2 years

Text

The Owl House returns, and I just want to be able to enjoy it... but,

My favorite show is back from hiatus and I should be ecstatic. I just got finished watching the new episode and it had everything I wanted. It had action, comedy, awesome displays of magic. And Luz and Amity being absolutely adorable and wholesome and OMG AKDJSABDFIKFGFJFJJFF I've missed these two.

But there is still a cloud hanging over all this. I've been struggle more with some of my mental health issues lately. Nothing major just being a little more tired with the state of the world and all that. And usually when this happens I just take some respite in the things I enjoy, movies, tv, books etc.

But part of what I'm tired of is how the people and companies that produce the things I enjoy are actually acting in the world. With The Owl House its hard to enjoy it fully because of Disney's revealed support of homophobic officials behind the Don't Say Gay bill that just passed here in Florida where I live. Its frustrating to watch a company that has produced some of the most influential pieces of media in my life just be run by hypocrites who don't actually believe the things it told me to stand for.

I can't blame the creatives for that. Many have spoken out against the executives at Disney for this hypocrisy and they want to make art that actually speaks to the issues they want to address. But the executives who hold the power and the money are chained to the screeching of conservatives who lose their minds if you dare to treat their children like human beings who can handle the idea that people are different and some of the things in life that they were told to be ashamed of are actually just a part of life and that's all okay.

Maybe I'm throwing a lot of this out of proportion but I truly believe media and nerd culture has a lot of power to influence the real world around us and I want to see that power be used to a good end. And while I believe there are creatives in the field who believe that to, I can't trust the executive class to not cow to conservative screeching.

And on a related note the next Fantastic Beast film is coming out, and we've got new footage of the Hogwarts Legacy video game. And I want to be able to enjoy both of these things but I can't just do that because in all this time JKR has not dropped here TERF bullshit.

I just want to be able to take a break from the horrible shit that goes on in the world and enjoy a fun show, or read a book that makes me happy, or play a video game that lets me escape into another world for just a bit of respite. But the people behind it abuse the power and influence that my support gives them to harm marginalized people. I'm just so tired of this. I don't understand why so many people can't just follow the basic principle of "don't be a dick". It's not hard. I don't know where I'm going with this post anymore. I just needed to vent. I'm tired guys.

#Disney #the owl house #the owl house s2 #dont say gay bill #anti jkr #harry potter #hogwarts legacy #fantastic beasts #venting #fuck conservatives #media consumption

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julyarchives · 3 years

Text

In The Dark

→ Pairing: Yuto x Reader

→ Genre: fluff.

→ Words: 1.8K

→ Contains: friends to lovers; confession; pinning; song lyrics

→ A/N: This is a very soft story and we absolutely loved to write it! Hope you guys like it as well!!! Special thank you to the person who requested it <3

Laying on your bed you checked your phone for the ninth time in five minutes, it was still past 1 a.m. and Yuto still didn't write back. Sighing, you opened a game on your phone and tried to distract yourself. Of course, it only worked for a few seconds before your mind drifted back to your best friend.

You and Yuto were best friends since you met at school and the bond you shared was something else, always together and sharing everything. Everything was perfect until you noticed your stomach turning in nervousness whenever you saw him laugh at something you said when you'd find excuses to touch him and would almost squeak when he took it as an invitation to hug or cuddle on your couch.

When you finally accepted you fell for your best friend, it was scary. Obviously, Yuto could never find out, you were sure it would break a beautiful friendship and it was better to have him around as a friend than not at all. So you tried to move on. You went on dates with a few guys but of course, it never worked out perfectly. They all had a main flaw, they were not Yuto. They couldn't make you smile like him, didn't understand you like him.

As you went on dates to forget Yuto, he also went out on dates, even if they were fewer than yours. But it hurt you to know that he was just following his life, his dates were for real and not just a means to an end like yours. Tonight was his third date with this cute girl from his music course. She was a good match for him, you couldn't deny that.

That's why you couldn't stop checking your phone, as Yuto said he'd text you after he got home to tell you all about it. It'd make you hurt more but he needed your support and you couldn't deny him anything. Sighing for the millionth time, you put your phone down for a few seconds to close your eyes briefly before opening your music app and choosing a very specific song to let out your feelings.

In THE DaRk by Bobby resonated in your bedroom, your speaker doing its job perfectly. You clicked on the repeat button in the app and put down your phone. Closing your eyes, the lyrics brokenly fell from your lips as you whispered it like a prayer, the only way to let your feelings out. Even knowing you had other friends to talk to, speaking about your feelings made it even more real, meaning it'd hurt more, so you chose to keep it a secret from everyone.

The song was halfway through its second repeat when the notification sound chimed into the song. You moved a bit too fast for your liking but oh well. Of course, it was Yuto checking in, saying the date went well but he wasn't home yet. You felt sad knowing he was probably with her still and turned the sound louder getting up to move to the beat.

You focused on the lyrics, blasting out the words you wished you could tell your best friend in the same moment he was with someone else. Your body swayed as you sang all about staying up at night with him in your mind, needing him to know you loved him, wishing there was a portal between your rooms so you could be together this very moment. Your phone made a ding sound once more and you picked it up from the bed, expecting it to be Yuto once again after you told him to tell you when he got home.

🎶Are you thinking of me at this dawn?

I wish therе was a continuous portal from my room to yours🎶

You stared at it for a few seconds, alarmed and confused that he sent you the same lyrics you just sang. The phone showed he was typing and you waited, getting more and more confused.

Nice song, Y/N. But don't you think it's a bit loud for this hour?

Not knowing how to answer, you just sent a few question marks and stared at the phone. How could he know all this if he was out with the girl?

Turn around

You moved a bit too fast and you almost tripped on your feet as you saw Yuto leaning against the doorframe, a cute smile on his lips. You quickly paused the song on your phone and he chuckled at your puzzled face.

"Giving me a spare key wasn't a good choice, was it?", his deep voice sounded almost as loud as the music was a few seconds before.

"What are you doing here?", you were glued to the floor. You weren't ready to hear him speak about this date with that pretty smile and shining eyes.

"I told you the date was fine but I didn't go home… thought you'd figure I'd come see you but suddenly there was a very loud Bobby music in the house", Yuto smiled widely, stepping into the room and closing the door behind him.

"I… I thought you were still with her", your voice faltered. You were too tired, too sad about his date and truly was expecting to cry yourself to sleep when he got home while listening to the same song that was on minutes ago.

"She wasn't my best friend", he said, hands in his pocket, standing in the middle of your room. "I wanted to come to see you".

"Why?", your voice was barely a whisper. You tried to recall if you said anything out loud while in your room, now scared you said something that could compromise your feelings for him.

"Can we…?", Yuto said, pointing at your bed briefly.

You nodded, moving the covers so you could lay down and still make room for him. He moved alongside you, laying down and naturally you both moved until you laid your head on his chest, him turning slightly sideways to hug you fully, his chin resting on top of your head.

"Can you play the song again?", he asked gently. You picked up your phone, staring at your wallpaper for a second. It was a silly picture you took with Yuto and he insisted you chose it as wallpaper. "Mine is just like yours", he said after noticing you staring at the picture, "you can imagine my date wasn't very fond of it", he chuckled.

You made sure to lower the volume of the song before playing it, Bobby's voice now as a background whisper. You felt your heart tightening at the mention of Yuto's date, imagining he'd be changing his wallpaper any time now. His voice suddenly filled the room, singing along the song.

"Shine, you shine on my existence

My night keeps getting longer

At night when everyone is asleep, I think of you

At this dawn, at this dawn

Shine, you shine on my existence

Tears are erased by my emotions

Add, add color to the world"

You joined in, even if you felt like his voice was heaven and yours wasn't a match. Yuto held you tighter when you began singing, thumbs now caressing your shoulders. You stayed that way for most of the song, only moving when he moved his head and hand, gently holding your chin to make you look up to him. He smiled and gently sang while looking into your eyes. On instinct you follow, head almost spinning but too entranced on him to move.

Even if I've confessed a hundred times inside my brain

I'm invisible to you

I could do better than anybody, anything for you

If I want you to feel the same way

That must be greedy, that'd probably be a chance to peek into heaven

'Cause you are angel

Your breath caught in your throat when Yuto moved, placing his forehead against yours. Your heart was beating fast and you were sure you were dreaming, your hands finding his shirt and holding it, almost as an anchor to reality. A lot of questions were clouding your mind but you couldn't speak, scared of breaking whatever this was.

"I ditched her", Yuto whispered, "I knew something was off since the first date but I gave her a chance". You closed your eyes, too scared to look at him. "She had everything I thought I wanted, everyone said so too".

"I know", you said a bit too fast. Maybe if you answered, he'd stop talking about her while being so close to you.

"But she still missed the most important trait I've been looking for without even knowing", his hand moved, touching the side of your face so you could look at him. "She wasn't you".

You opened your eyes in shock, breathing faster without even taking notice. By now you were sure even Yuto could hear your heart beating against your chest. Your mind acted before you could even process, desperate to not let the moment go away.

"You have no idea how much it pained me to see you go on dates that weren't me. How much I listened to this very song wishing I'd tell you how much I fall for you whenever you smile", once you finished speaking, you heaved, almost felt like you ran a marathon.

"Funny. I was about to say the same to you", Yuto chuckled. His forehead was still against yours and his breath tickled your nose. You were staring into his eyes, both of you smiling shyly. "I'm going to kiss you now, ok?", he said. Your smile grew wider, his warning making you shiver in anticipation.

Yuto moved slowly, giving you plenty of time to pull back. You met him halfway, lips connecting gently. You heard him sigh and your stomach flipped, you were as happy as you were nervous. His thumb moved in circles on your face, caressing it. Your lips moved against his after a few seconds, a chaste kiss, so gently but you felt years of pinning pouring into it and hoped he felt it.

When you parted, you couldn't contain a smile, and when you opened your eyes, Yuto had the same face, smiling at you in the sweetest way. He gave you a quick peck and settled on the bed more comfortably and you followed, holding him close. It was late and you could feel how tired you were.

"We'll talk when we wake up, is that alright?", his voice sounded as sleepy as you did.

"Of course. But I have one demand", you said, lazily supporting yourself on his chest to look at his face better. He hummed in answer, fingers playing with your hair. "That song has got to be our song now". Yuto chuckled loudly and you smiled at the sound, still feeling like you were dreaming.

"Of course, princess", he kissed you briefly again before settling back on the bed, "I wouldn't have it any other way". And with that you drifted to sleep, dreaming about a future that was sure to be near with your best friend and love, that now you knew loved you back.

#Yuto #yuto fluff #yuto reader #pentagon yuto #adachi yuto #pentagram #fluff #pentagon fanfic #pentagon story #pentagon imagine #pentagon scenario #yuto smut #yuto imagine #yuto fanfic #kpop

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crimsonrae · 3 years

Text

Disintegration

Chapter Two

Summary: He witnessed the worst night of her life, he just never expected for her to become the love of his life.

KlausxCami

Warnings: Mentions of Domestic Abuse.

Rating: Mature

Chapter Two

2009

Amber liquid sat almost tauntingly within its iced tumbler as Camille stared aimlessly at the wall. Low chattering echoed dimly in her ears, but she registered little of the subdued crowd. She felt angry... no, she felt numb. Like a spindly serpent lying in wait for its prey, her anger lurked beneath the surface – its coil hardly tolerable.

Her fingers clenched around her glass, silently reveling in the wet dew that had coalesced on its exterior. It anchored her to the present even as she drifted in her scattered thoughts. Small bursts of Saturday played in her head, stuck like a broken reel. It was both a blur and all too clear. She could still feel the slick feel of Scott's blood on her hands, even as quips of conversation broke her reverie. Hours spent in the county jail had been nothing compared to the cold words from her mother and the stony silence that had followed her back to her dorm.

It had all become too much. She needed to get out.

It had occurred to her there was a certain amount of irony that she had taken refuge inside a bar. Not the one that she had beaten Scott to a pulp in – she was firmly banned from that establishment, but one across town. Away from campus and anyone who knew her. Camille tried not to pay too much mind to the fact that she was employing less than stellar coping mechanisms over the mess she had made of her life, but really, she was already on a roll of bad decisions. Why stop now?

Still...it was amazing how quickly everything had spiraled out of control.

One minute she had been a junior, set to finish her bachelor's degree with honors in the next year – now, with a court date set for next week and a meeting with the Dean's office tomorrow, it looked as if expulsion was on the horizon. And somehow that was at the bottom of her priority list. Felony assault and battery charges hovered over her head like an impending noose, not to mention, two parents infuriated with their daughter and the shame she had brought her family. She hardly cared that Scott was breathing from a tube in a hospital, she did care that Marnie hadn't called her.

Had she lost a friend as well as her academic career? She hadn't foreseen that... though, in truth, she hadn't put much thought into her actions. She had simply reacted and that – that wasn't like her.

"Penny for your thoughts, love."

Camille nearly jolted at the honey grizzled voice that chimed next to her table. She glanced up into a pair of oddly familiar cerulean eyes that shined curiously at her. It took her a moment to place him, and it was only as his lips curled into a self-satisfied smirk that she remembered.

He had been there.

Entertained by the entire debacle.

Now, that's what I call a show.

Her hidden ire rumbled in the face of her spectator. How she had hated his delight. It annoyed her that he had found her now when she wanted nothing more than to be left alone.

Pursing her lips distastefully, she arched a brow, "They're not for sale."

Her irritation was not lost on Klaus, if anything her dismissal amused him, "Come now, that's not true. Anything is for sale; it all depends on the price."'

"Well unless you have a time machine, I don't think you'll be able to afford my thoughts." Camille muttered wearily as she sipped from her glass. She pointedly turned her gaze away, making it silently clear she was done with him.

Yet, Klaus had never been one to let a challenge go untested. He found himself slipping into the chair across from her, much to Camille's exasperation, "Now why would you want a time machine? Please tell me, it's not to go back and stop yourself from beating that pillock from the other night half to death. Such passion should never be undone or regretted."

Camille arched a brow, nonplused by his words, "Not everyone views such acts of violence with the same enjoyment as you did... I don't believe that I invited you to sit. I'm not particularly in the mood for company."

"Yes, you've been quite rude." Klaus intoned almost cheerfully as he signaled for a waiter – now he was making it silently clear that he had no intention to leave, "That's alright, I don't mind a bit of surliness. I've been known to be a rather temperamental creature myself... but let's be honest here, love, while I may have enjoyed your spirited attack, you enjoyed committing it more."

She hated the truth that rang in his words. Stifling a sigh, Cami tossed back the rest of her drink and dropped a few bills on the table. She came here to get away, not to be harassed.

She wasn't granted the chance to stand as his fingers entrapped her wrist, "Let me go."

"Stay." Klaus implored, loosening his grip, but not removing his touch, "I won't speak of your little... incident if you do not wish it. I have several hours to kill, and you are by the far the most interesting person I've run into today. Please, keep me company."

Despite her desire to depart, her curiosity glimmered faintly at his words, "Is that why you seemingly tracked me down? Boredom?"

"Hardly tracked you down, love." Klaus said after placing an order for two more drinks with the waiter. "You're in the pub of my hotel. Merely, came downstairs and saw you."

Camille blinked before she sat back and viewed the bar through new eyes. There was an entranceway toward the back that she now realized led into a lobby. Marble floors and polished banisters gleamed through the glass door. It fairly screamed expensive. It also explained the quietness of a bar... the stillness that had drawn her inside.

Klaus watched her perusal with muted amusement, "You have no idea where you are. Not that you're in a bad neighborhood, mind you, but it is foolish to not have your bearings about you."

Camille silently stifled her unease as again his words rang true. A sense of danger lurked with his presence that she was only beginning to acknowledge, but something kept her survival instincts from fully sounding off.

"I wasn't really..." She trailed off as she realized her words would only reinforce his point about being foolish.

He knew it too.

His head tilted to the side and his eyes softened with an understanding that she swore he shouldn't have. It was similar to the way he had looked at her as she had been carted off by the police... Cami didn't understand why it had seemed to soothe and irritate her then, and she still didn't understand it now.

"Running away, were you?" Klaus intoned sagely, "I know a fair bit about that, but you don't strike me as the type to run from a situation. What demons plague you, aside from the obvious?"

Cami snorted and wondered if this counted as talking about her incident, but found herself replying, "Demons is a bit harsh... and why would I tell you, Nosey Stranger, anything about my demons?"

Klaus grinned and was stalled from answering as their drinks arrived, "Well conversation is easier when at least one party opens up, no? And you can call me Klaus. Niklaus Mikaelson."

"Cami." She returned softly, "Why don't we focus on you, instead? What brings you to my little corner of the word, Klaus?"

"I am not nearly that interesting."

"I somehow doubt that."

"Doubt all you like, but I could say the same of you."

"Could you?" Cami said almost teasingly as a smirk tugged at her lips.

Klaus huffed a low laugh as he conceded, "Well, I could if you told me about yourself."

They were flirting, Cami noted distantly as they exchanged not-quite-shy smiles again. Her head spun – how had this happened? She had been thoroughly annoyed with this man not even ten seconds ago. And while some of that sentiment still lurked, she now could only think about how handsome he looked when he smiled... actually smiled, not smirked.

One thing was for certain, she wasn't feeling quite so numb anymore... and she wasn't sure that was necessarily a good thing. Despite how handsome the man before her was or how charming he was turning out to be, she had the distinct impression that she was a match strike away from playing with fire.

"How about a question for a question?" She proposed almost absently and nearly cursed as soon as the words left her tongue.

Klaus considered her offer with shrewd eyes, "Any question?"

A reluctant sigh left Cami, "Let me guess, you have a question about Saturday night?"

"A few." Klaus acknowledged with a sly quirk to his lips, "But mainly one pressing one."

She shook her head and dragged the untouched drink he had bought her to her side. If they were going to play this game she would need the alcohol, "Fine. Ask."

"What did he do?" Klaus asked quietly as she hesitated, her glance almost suspicious – he explained, "In two minutes of conversation, I've ascertained that you are not a rash person. A bit foolhardy perhaps, but you've been moderately cautious since I've engaged your interest. You also don't strike me as the type to attack someone without reason. So, what was your reason? What did he do?"

There was a long silence as Camille gauged what she wanted to impart. Several glib answers rested on her tongue, non-answers that would dismiss his question and move their conversation on, but the truth burned in her throat. It would be nice to tell someone who didn't know her, who didn't know Scott or Marnie, who wasn't there to judge her actions as just or fair what her motivation had been...

"I have a roommate. We've roomed together the last three years – and she's great. Sweet, shy. I couldn't have picked a better roommate... or friend." Camille started quietly. She ignored the lick of angry flames that sparked in her belly, "She met him a few months ago and they hit it off immediately. I liked him. He was funny and he brought her out of her shell."

A wave of nausea swarmed her simmering fury and she paused as she remembered the carefree way Scott would greet her. The little presents that he would bring for Marnie. Those gifts seemed so more insidious now that she realized those parcels showed up after every incident.

Klaus waited patiently, somehow knowing not to speak as she sought the proper words. Her jade eyes had deepened to a sparking emerald, imbued with dark emotion.

"Then one day she came back to our room. Her shirt was covered in blood, a plaster taped over her nose, and two black eyes. He had hit her. Only once she said. It was an accident she said, but he broke her nose." Camille swallowed and resisted the urge to ball her fist, "She refused to go to the RA or the Dean or any other official and just waved me off. It wouldn't happen again, and I knew that was bullshit. I knew..."

The shiver of rage in her tone struck a chord within Klaus as he watched her. Any hint of his earlier joviality and curiosity had vanished in the face of her anguish. His own anger growled in answer to hers – he had never been one to shy away from violence, but brutish nonsensical abuse had always been and always would be a sore point for him.

"How many times?" The question slipped out before he could stop it.

If Camille had been paying closer attention, she would have noticed the almost eerie calm that had leveled his voice. Instead, she shook her head, "Too many."

Another sip from her glass, "He sent her to the hospital Friday night. Two broken ribs and a concussion. I had been with her all night, and I just couldn't go back to our dorm, so I wandered. I wandered and before I knew it, I was inside the campus bar and there he was... Scamming on a freshman. Both of them laughing at some stupid funny joke he had said, as if it were just another Saturday. As if he hadn't just pulverized his girlfriend and left her to rot in a hospital as if he hadn't been getting away with much of the same for months. I was so incredibly angry and all I wanted was to make him stop."

Warm skin brushed across hers and she glanced down to see he had cradled her hand. She was trembling. It was so faint, but the box that she had been stowing all her wildly out of control emotion into had been pried open with his question.

His fingers curled into her palm like an anchor into the seabed and she smiled bitterly, "Still think you received a good show?"

It took Klaus a second to remember his words from that night, but he didn't scowl.

No.

His smile was tinged with undue pride and awe, "I think you just made it even better. I had initially thought you to be some hellcat. Sent into a jealous rage at capturing your boyfriend cheating. The truth is far more satisfying. You're a protector. If anything, I stand by my earlier sentiment. Do not regret your actions, Camille."

She blinked at hearing her full name cross his lips, most assumed her name was Cameron when she introduced herself as Cami, "My name, how...?"

Klaus smirked, "Camille O'Connell, you are under arrest."

His voice was flat with an American intonation, but what part of America she was unsure as his little gimmick threw her from her despair into a baffled disquiet.

Slowly she cringed, "Okay, one – don't ever do that accent again. Just... no. Two – no one calls me, Camille, unless I'm in trouble. It's a grandma's name."

Klaus bit back a laugh as he pressed with his fake accent again, "What? You mean this voice? I think it's uh, rather convincing."

Camille shivered; it was almost like nails on a chalkboard when he spoke like that, but the tension her little story had engendered dissipated, and she felt a coil within her loosen.

She couldn't stop her snicker as she begged, "Stop, please. It's just not right. It doesn't fit you at all. Smarmy Brit is much more your style."

"Smarmy Brit?" Klause threw back almost indignantly, "You wound me, Camille."

"Somehow I think that's hard to do." She countered sagely, but she couldn't keep a grin from her mien. She appreciated his levity.

Klaus arched a brow, "You'd be surprised. Sometimes it doesn't take much at all to wound me."

"Oh?"

"A beautiful woman maligning my character five minutes after meeting me. Stings a bit, love." He answered indulgently, but there was a mischievous glint in his gaze that belied his words.

Cami giggled quietly, "You don't think you're smarmy?"

"I prefer the word charming." The faux innocent look he flashed her had them both grinning, "And I believe it is your turn to ask a question."

There were several that had erupted in her thoughts as they had spoken, but it was hard to choose just one. Part of Cami was grateful that he had lobbed such a hardball as a first question because it gave her clearance to do the same.

"What are you running away from? You said you had some experience with it earlier." Cami finally asked, figuring it would also answer the question of what he was doing here. Two answers for the price of one.

Like with Cami, Klaus sat in a long silence as he thought over his answer. Now he was the one who wished he had placed restrictions on these questions, but unlike Camille, he had no compunctions about lying. After all, they were still strangers, and he was still debating whether to continue their acquaintanceship after they parted ways. He had half a mind to seduce her, drink her, and dump her... but the more time he spent with her the less he wanted to dump her – at least right away. Camille was proving to be very intriguing indeed.

"Family. I'm running from family." Klaus announced, surprising even himself with the truth, "More specifically my father... though my brother is currently a close second."

Camille frowned, not liking the shine of pain in his eyes before he shifted to something more blank, more superficial. Perhaps her question wasn't the gem she had originally thought it to be.

At her muted concern, Klaus smiled bitterly, "My father has no love for me. Even less after it was discovered I was a product of my mother's infidelity. He's been bent on making my life a misery for as long as I can remember. The more distance I can put between him and myself the better."

"And your brother?" Cami pressed almost reluctantly, at once curious and hesitant about requesting such personal information.

"Has a great love for me actually and I, him. But I've... upset him and he needs some time to calm down." It was the most tactful way that Klaus could think to say Elijah was furious with him for daggering their siblings and supposedly dumping their bodies into the ocean. While the first part was true, the second was not... and he was not prepared for his older brother to discover that fact just yet.

An odd mildly entertained expression crossed Camille's face as she puzzled over his words. More questions surged to the forefront, but with great control, she managed to restrain herself... at least for the moment.

Klaus seemed to sense her desire as he cocked his head to the side and grinned, or she was simply terrible at hiding her thoughts, "You want more details."

Almost embarrassingly, she sipped from her glass as she fought a sheepish smile, "I really do."

"And you called me nosey? Sorry, love, you're just going to have to wait." He taunted lightly as she scowled at him.

He was saved from her retort as her phone chose that moment to sound off. Her previous merriment dulled in the face of the device's alarm and fell further as she glanced at the screen. Klaus watched as she reluctantly clicked the phone silent after responding with a text and turned remorseful eyes to him. This would be their parting it seemed.

"Such a dour glance. My last question then, who's beckoning you?" Klaus asked gently, an unexpected jolt of jealousy scoured his veins at her answer.

"My boyfriend." She quirked her lips self-consciously. She had no obligation to inform him of her relationship status and their conversation while personal, had always meant to stay a conversation... at least on her end. Yet, she felt a strange sense of guilt – she felt like she had led him on, "I should be going. It was nice to meet you, Klaus... and thank you for the drink."

Klaus tightened his grip over her hand, both had forgotten he had still been holding it, but now it worked in his favor. He wasn't ready for their conversation to end, "Stay, Camille. By the look on your face, it's what you would rather be doing."

Timidly, she squeezed his hand back, but her rueful smile told him that he was fighting a losing battle. He was tempted to compel her... but somehow that felt like the wrong move for this particular moment.

"He's worried about me. Everyone's worried about me. Or angry. This was a nice reprieve. One I really needed, but I have to go before that worry goes to def-con four." She said almost deprecatingly and moved to stand.

Cami was surprised when he stood with her until she felt him slip her phone from her other hand. A word of protest played on her lips at the theft, but she stayed her tongue as she watched him deftly enter his phone number. It was slightly embarrassing that he had caught her passcode pattern so easily. He must have the eyes of a hawk. He hit the call button and his phone vibrated in his pocket for a moment before going silent again.

Klaus returned her phone with a genial smile, "There. Should you need another reprieve, simply call. I'll be in town for a while and more than happy to indulge you."

"That was bold." She murmured, "Giving your number to a girl who just told you, she has a boyfriend."

He shrugged indifferently, "Fortune favors the bold, does it not?"

Cami snorted and shook her head, "Goodbye, Klaus."

"Goodbye, Camille." Klaus murmured, brushing his lips to her cheek.

The act startled her and brought a lovely blush to her smooth skin. He had no intention of this being their last encounter. Camille O'Connell would see him again. His cerulean eyes danced deviously as he watched her turn to go.

She glanced at him over her shoulder, and he was surprised to see a puckish light in her sylvan gaze, "Definitely smarmy."

Klaus choked on an unexpected laugh before he found himself calling through the pub, "Charming, love."

______________________

Hours later, Klaus remained at the little corner table in the pub. He had steadily nursed several drinks as he kept an eye out for a potential dinner – finding himself feeling pickier than usual about his fare. He was tempted to send Camille a text. She had been reluctant enough to leave that enticing her to return shouldn't have been much of a battle. He regretted not pressing his advantage earlier. They could have spent the afternoon in his bed, sated in every possible way.

Sighing in boredom, he ran an idle finger around the rim of his tumbler generating a low hum. His thoughtless gesture brought a few curious and annoyed looks from the nearby patrons, but no one had the gall to say anything. Something dark and angry lingered in Klaus's stiff presence that discouraged social interaction of any kind.

"Well, you look positively morose."

And yet not all were so cowardly.

Klaus smirked at the amused lilt that sounded behind him. He arched a brow as he awarded the young woman behind him a small smile, "Greta... you've arrived sooner than I expected. Fruitful day, love?"

"Yes and no." Greta answered loftily as she came to stand next to the table, "The witch we're looking for is proving rather difficult to scrounge up, though her boyfriend has been the source of a lot of gossip but..."

"But?" Klaus intoned softly, a dangerous edge tinging his voice. His mood for games had dissipated with the sun.

"He's in the hospital. Unconscious, someone caved his head in apparently. He would need some of your blood to be revived enough to get any information from him." She smirked, knowing how much Klaus loved to do such things, "That is if you're feeling generous."

Niklaus frowned; it would be too convenient... "What's the boyfriend's name?"

"Scott Nebroski." Greta answered simply with a raised brow.

The name had no meaning to Klaus. Camille hadn't mentioned any names when she had recounted her motives to him – and he didn't recall a name being spoken when the paramedics had arrived at the campus pub. Though to be fair, he had lost interest in the whole affair once Camille had been taken to the squad car.

Her fiery emeralds would forever be etched into his memory. There had been a moment where he had thought that she'd break from the officer's grasp and swing at him before something fragile... vulnerable had crossed her gaze and he had to fight the urge to go to her.

It had been an odd night.

"When was he attacked?"

Greta shrugged, "A couple of nights ago, I think. Some chick took a beer bottle to him. A lover's quarrel is the rumor. In which case, it should make him more willing to cooperate with us. He'd probably be looking for a little revenge."

A slow grin spread across Klaus's face – what were the odds?

"It wasn't our little witch who tore into him, love." Klaus murmured, "How long would we need to wait before you could conduct the ceremony?"

"The estival solstice isn't for almost eight weeks, that's when the spell will be at its strongest. We have some time." Greta replied softly as she watched the wheels spin in her master's head. She hadn't expected him to take the news of this current delay so well... but the calm, almost pleased smile playing at his lips spoke to plans with which she had no knowledge of, "The boyfriend?"

"He can enjoy his stay in the hospital for a while." Klaus said after a long moment. He refused to heal the cretin that had rightfully earned his beating at Camille's hands. He would not deny her victory, "Tomorrow I want you and Maddox to find out everything you can about Camille O'Connell. She's Marnie Taylor's roommate and friend... she'll lead us to our little witch."

Gently, Klaus reached out for Greta's hand, bringing her delicate fingers to his mouth as he pressed a kiss to her smooth flesh. He was feeling a tad grateful for the news she had delivered him, and she smelled sweet, like honeysuckle and ivy. His fangs edged at the inner muscle of his cheek, reinforcing his hunger... but he wouldn't bite her here.

Klaus stood and placed a few bills on the table, "Keep me company tonight."

It sounded like a request, but Greta heard the implied order to his tone. She could say no, and Klaus wouldn't bat an eye. She was under no illusion that she was more than a tool in his arsenal. Problem was, she had never been able to say no to him. Not to his power, not to his hunger, and not to his bed. She fully enjoyed being possessed by him. It was the shame that she could not possess him.

She peered slyly at him, "Merely company?"

An indulgent hum purred from Klaus's throat before he pressed his lips teasingly to the corner of her mouth, "You could never be merely anything, love... but I desire this luscious mouth of yours to be otherwise occupied."

Greta's smile turned sinful, "As you wish."

He breathed a kiss to her neck before turning to escort her upstairs. His soul ached for a taste of the hunt... something that Greta could not provide him – she was all too willing to fall into his clutches. She was decadence, chocolate, and champagne. Simply divine.

For tonight she would sate his baser urges, but tomorrow...

Tomorrow he would go after that which was not yet his. Fiery emeralds glinted in his mind's eye. Tomorrow, he would go after whiskey and smoke. Hidden passion.

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#disintegration #klaus mikaelson #Camille O'Connell #klaus x camille #the orginals fanfiction #the originals #fanifc #fanfiction #klamille

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ruensroad · 4 years

Note

o(≧∇≦o)

another sleep deprivation prompt!!! for rencheng!!! "What? Sorry, I'm having trouble focusing..."

Thank you! sorry for the delay, life got a little crazy!

From this prompt list and from this RenCheng AU :)

He could still hear her laughter, some days. Everytime he sat too straight, poured his tea too perfectly, she was there to chide him in his mind. Lan-xiong, so strict! Lan-xiong, so perfect!

While he could say with true honesty that he hadn’t fallen in love with Cangse Sanren the same way Jiang Fengmian had, a part of his heart still fully belonged to her. Which wasn’t too uncommon. Despite her carefree, chaotic nature, she had been beautiful and bright, and nearly everyone that she’d met had fallen in love with her to some degree - a sentiment that, no doubt, would have amused her greatly.

There had been a time that she’d been the bane of his existence. She was everything he wasn’t, everything he’d been taught was incorrect. She was wild and mischievous, unafraid to speak her mind. She laughed often and loudly and started duels because she could. Knowing now that feelings had formed for her explained some of his early reactions, his quick anger and frustration.

She always had left him flustered, not only with her forwardness, but also her depth of kindness and understanding. Even when he had nearly gotten her and Jiang Fengmian killed, she had forgiven him. And sure, it had resulted in the loss of his goatee, but their friendship had been strong and forthright forever on, and even now touched his heart in ways not much did.

He felt, most days, like his heart was a house built of different rooms. One room was for his nephews, large and important. One was for his friends and family, whom he guarded like treasure. One was for Cangse Sanren and all other friends he had lost along the way. And one for-

“Shufu?” Lan Xichen asked, and by his tone he had been saying it for a little while. Lan Qiren blinked out of his stupor and realized he’d been stroking his beard, giving the illusion of deep thought. Judging by the concern on his nephew’s face, he must be quite the sight, frowning and thinking in his sleep clothes. He’d just awoken from his rest and lost himself to thoughts, which he never did. No doubt, Lan Xichen was ready to call for Wangji at the first sign of illness in a panic.

The thought made him smile, which probably helped nothing. “Forgive me, Xichen,” he murmured, trying to find some of that containment he was so known for. But he was soft today, lost in memories of a golden time. For they truly were tinted gold, those days where he and Jiang Fengmian had been pulled by their sashes after a laughing Cangse Sanren, who promised adventure and no end of trouble. “I did not hear you.”

Every memory he had in each locked room of his heart was colored differently. For his nephews, it was a somber, beautiful blue, and sometimes he could almost imagine the world actually tinted so when he was with them.

“I simply remarked on how long you slept, shufu,” Lan Xichen said with a smile that let Lan Qiren know he’d worried him. “And that I hope you are feeling better.”

Lan Xichen was kinder than the world deserved. Lan Qiren, soft as he was, took in the beloved planes of his face with pride before his eyes flickered down the root of the issue: an untouched cup of tea. Ah, no wonder.

He took the tea and warmed it back up with a wash of qi, sipping it gratefully. Lan Xichen’s smile warmed in relief to see it.

“I am rested,” Lan Qiren promised and set the cup neatly back down, which only made Lan Xichen calm down further. It was always in his habits, he’d found, that Lan Xichen paid the most attention to. As did Wangji, and he smiled to himself at memories of a frowning, silent child worriedly pulling on his sleeve because he had not finished his tea. He would make sure to finish this cup for both their sakes, no matter how he truly felt. “Just in my thoughts this morning.”

Lan Xichen nodded and sipped his own tea, the movement graceful and perfect. He looked so much like his mother that the room in his heart where he’d secretly locked Madam Lan away ached. That room was coated in roses and black thorns, and he pushed her memories from the fore of his mind, but it was a little too late. He was already bared open, so the next words hit him like barbs, a thousand arrows to yet another room of his heart, colored in purple and echoing with distant thunder..

“Sect Leader Jiang has been asking about you,” Lan Xichen said and there was a tiny laugh in the words. “As has Young Master Jin. I haven not seen you play with anyone since Wangji, shufu.”

“He is a child, Xichen,” Lan Qiren defended easily, “and his uncle was sick. A simple decision to keep him calm.”

Nevermind that there were nannies here, and other children. It would have been just as simple to hand Jin Ling into the care of one of them and let him play away his worry with A-Yuan and A-Yi, and other boys and girls his own age. But that stubborn room in his heart had not let him, for it was beginning to sprout with golden peonies too, and already he could hear Cangse Sanren’s laughter.

Lan-xiong, so fearsome! If you scowl like that, no one will marry you!

His ears went hot and he sipped his tea to stave off any teasing. Blessedly, Lan Xichen took the hint.

“Of course,” he agreed, because he was a better nephew than Lan Qiren deserved, but his eyes were still going over Lan Qiren quizzically, a look he knew far too well. It was the same face he wore when he puzzled through a game of chess, or a painting, or a new piece of music, an inevitability that it would be solved.

Lan Qiren, for once, didn’t know what to say to dissuade him. Thankfully, a knock sounded before he could try and a young disciple bowed from the door.

“Old Master Lan, Sect Leader Jiang and Young Master Jin are here to see you.”

He wanted to laugh, almost, because of course Jiang Cheng had wasted no time. A storm opened in that heart room, fluttering with lotus and peony petals, and he realized he was stroking his beard again. It went unnoticed by Lan Xichen this time, given he was politely excusing everyone away, and Lan Qiren could hear her laughing again, goading him on.

Lan-xiong, be brave!

“No,” he said over Lan Xichen and looked up at the disciple. “Let them in.”

“Shufu, you’re not dressed,” Lan Xichen argued immediately, the surprise on his face making his eyes wide and his voice a little high.

“I am aware,” Lan Qiren said evenly and took a sip of tea just so he could set the cup down in a more final motion. “Leave us please, Xichen. Sect Leader Jiang and I have something to discuss.”

“Of… course, shufu,” Lan Xichen said, and his confusion made him look like a lost little boy. Lan Qiren ached immediately to pull him into his arms and guard him from the world, but the moment was gone quickly and Lan Xichen slipped past the door.

The very air seemed to crackle with lightning as Jiang Cheng stepped inside, and even with a five year old on his hip, he looked imposing and handsome and all of Lan Qiren’s world tinted to a stormy purple.

“Old Master,” was his greeting, voice low and rough, but full of confidence, if only for the moment.

“Sect leader,” Lan Qiren gave back, like he wasn’t in sleep clothes with his hair down, like this was just any other meeting between them and not the most important talk of his life. “Young Master Jin.”

“Old teacher!” Jin Ling wiggled to be put down and Jiang Cheng obliged him. The boy hurried over to Lan Qiren with what looked like a mess of paper in his hands, but was actually a folded paper dog that he handed over with happiness. “Are you feeling better? I made this for you. Jiu-jiu showed me how to do the folds!”

The offering was simple, but made him ache. He nodded seriously and took the little dog, setting it on the desk. “I am well, Young Master,” he promised and got a luminous smile for his words. “Thank you.”

“A-Ling, go play with your boat. Old Master Lan and I need to have a talk,” Jiang Cheng said, pulling the wooden toy from his sleeve. Jin Ling grinned and took it, then retreated to a spot near the go board. He might as well not have been there at all with how intensely Jiang Cheng was staring him down and it took all of Lan Qiren’s will not to shake as he poured the man a cup of tea.

It was silent and heavy as Jiang Cheng folded himself into the place Lan Xichen had been, and Lan Qiren felt his mind flicker back to golden days, even as his eyes were entranced by the vision of violet and silver before him.

Cangse Sanren was as close to a first love as he’d ever gotten, and she had been his opposite in every way. Jiang Cheng, the one whose room in his heart knocked the loudest, was more like himself, strict and perfunct, bitter of the world and tethered only by the love of a nephew. He was a study of what was proper and expected of any sect leader, warrior, and ally. He was fierce and stalwart, a wall all bad things had to break down before anyone else was hurt.

Lan Qiren had been in awe of him a long time and let it show in his eyes as he set down the cup. He knew Jiang cheng expected words, expected an explanation, but like Jiang Cheng himself, he was not a man made of them. The only words he knew were rules, which were armor and guidance. But words from the heart? He might as well have been an illiterate fool.

The only consolation was that Jiang Cheng seemed to be having as much trouble as he. As the silence stretched on, he watched the irritation and embarrassment only grow as they both tried and failed to speak. Finally, Jiang Cheng simply swore under his breath, and though it broke a rule, it lit a fire in that room Jiang Cheng owned in his heart and made him laugh.

Like ice breaking, Jiang Cheng huffed a brief chuckle to join him and his shoulders slumped. “This is stupid,” he said, and Lan Qiren had to agree. “We talk all the time. We should be able to do this.”

Lan Qiren nodded and stroked his beard, a movement Jiang Cheng watched with dark eyes. “I do not speak plainly of what is in my heart, Sect Leader,” Lan Qiren said, and it was the bravest he’d ever been. The heat in his ears trickled down into his neck, plain for the man to see.

“Your heart?” Jiang Cheng echoed, incredulous, and he too looked like a lost child, hopeful and aching for things that were always ripped away. Lan Qiren felt the same instinct to hold him and guard him from the world he felt with his nephews. “That would imply that I am in your heart, Old Master.”

It was a challenge, and a plea. Lan Qiren looked down at his cup of tea and saw his own smile. “You are.”

Simple, could it really be that simple? He met Jiang Cheng’s eye and waited, watched a valiant struggle flicker in those eyes and over his expression. It settled on more of a scowl, in the end, but that was just armor too.

“You… too,” Jiang Cheng swallowed, fought the words out with all the same intensity he gave in every battle fought before, steadfast, yet ready to be struck down at any moment. “For me it’s the same.”

Jiang Cheng went tense afterwards, as though just hearing the words would make Lan Qiren reconsider. He was tempted, in truth, if only because it was so unusual, and that he did not wish for Jiang Cheng to be trapped by someone just like him, but even more unbending. Surely, Jiang Cheng deserved more? Surely this miracle was not meant to last?

Lan-xiong…

He closed his eyes and breathed, then took a sip of tea to settle his nerves. There were so many things he wished to say, but didn’t know how to. He had never been gifted in that way as Cangse Sanren had been. But then, neither was Jiang Cheng, and in that he found his answer.

Love through action, his only method. He prayed it would be enough.

“I expect a proper courtship,” he said sternly. “There are rules for this kind of thing and expect you to heed them all.”

Internally, he winced, because why did he sound like a chiding teacher? But for some reason, it seemed to settle well, and Jiang Cheng sat all the straighter, with an ease that had not been there before, and nodded once.

“So I will,” he promised and that part of Lan Qiren’s heart was utterly lost.

#ruenwrites #rencheng #jiang cheng #lan qiren #jin ling #catching lightning au

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oneboxofmatches · 3 years

Note

Hi!!! May I request a HP romantic and friendship matchup on both eras? (Preferably male), thanks in advance! 💞

𝗕𝗔𝗦𝗜𝗖𝗦 + 𝗔𝗣𝗣𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘

19, Libra, Neutral Good, enneagram is 4w5, Ravenclaw, and my patronus spirit is swan. Bi Pan Genderfluid girl using pronouns of She/Her or He/Him. A friend of mine told me that I (kinda) look like Marinette from 𝗠𝗶𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗟𝗮𝗱𝘆𝗯𝘂𝗴, Musa from 𝗪𝗶𝗻𝘅 𝗖𝗹𝘂𝗯, and Alexandra Trese from 𝗧𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲 (a Netflix animated series), but the exception is I'm short (5'1.2") plus sized Southeast Asian woman with Spanish descent that has messy/wavy brunette medium hair, chocolate brown eyes, oriental skin and a small beauty mark on the forehead. My sense of fashion is in between emo and boyish plus korean glam.

𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬

Distant and shy at first cause' I dunno how to initiate a conversation, but a total opposite if I open up---friendly, ambivert, witty, laughing loudly on a daily basis, talkative, awkward, daydreamer (I got embarrassed from knocking at the door even I'm inside the classroom 😂), EXTREMELY clumsy, secretly likes affection, easily overwhelmed, prone to melt over any wholesomeness, flusters on compliments, lightly blushes on cheesy banters, sarcastic person with a lowkey crackhead energy citing meme references, and talented girl who can be your no. 1 supporter and unashamed to be true to myself. In terms of leadership, I only educate and guide than being a prefect (I might take the role seriously), and will lift my group when there's lacking/incompleteness. About doing projects in school, I become too extra and prepared for efforts, but I'll forget the process in the end.

People thought I'm a demure self-effacing woman that looks "idealistic" or "one of a kind," (due to my protective parents, a reason why I've never been in a relationship) but the truth is, I'm eloquent, warm-hearted, willig to help, kind, intelligent, supportive, nice, creative, enthusiastic, determined, tough, competitive, and feisty outside, but a real softie that can be childish and dramatic crybaby filled with doubts, frustrations, and insecurities with fear of failure that pushes off the limits to to please everyone, yet I still managed to be stronger than ever, even it's a slow burn process. I can be intimidating, sassy, and a douchebag if I receive ends. Immature, headstrong, perfectionist, demanding, hesitant, jumpy, very indecisive, overthinker, quick-tempered, sensitive, and anxious (no joke, my nervousness makes me think worse scenario will arrive or I might break a belonging due to my carelessness). Though can be procrastinator and arrogant, I raised as a religious 𝖺𝗇𝖽 diplomatic person, willing to fight what I believe (including my dreams) 𝖺𝗇𝖽 what is right. In addition, I have a habit of staying up late and doing sign of the cross to ease nervousness.

Blunt but the loudest idiotic feeling-brokenhearted and bitter friend in the group who fangirl a lot, swears like sailor, will act like a silent backstabber on people that we loathe, will crack up over your stupid antics before helping, and bring gossips, but a hopeless romantic who tends to banter with sarcasms or pick up lines as an endearment (but gets grumpy if I received sappy or offensive one), still generous and concerned in a subtle way.

𝗛𝗢𝗕𝗕𝗜𝗘𝗦

My hobbies are singing, drawing, roleplaying, listening to music, chatting/browsing on social media, conceptualizing, writing, and reading some stuffs. 𝖨'𝗅𝗅 𝗂𝗇𝖼𝗅𝗎𝖽𝖾 making corniest jokes/puns, 𝗌𝗅𝖾𝖾𝗉𝗂𝗇𝗀, and dancing when nobody's around or walking like a model if I feel so bold (even I'm terrible at both xD).

𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘𝗦

Loves kittens, eating a lot, cartoons, watching YouTube videos (mostly pageants, ASMR, edit audios, and mukbangs), also enjoys playing games on my sister's PSP. Sucker for arts, choir, night sky, makeup, fun/deep/dumb conversations, Christianity, documentaries (about saints, real crime stories, and inspirational people), reading interesting stuffs, talking about social issues, and writings, chilling both indoors and outdoors. Beside that, my music taste are like late 90s-2000s songs (mostly rock, pop, and country) sometimes kpop and ppop, chocoholic, and a sweetooth as well.

𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘𝗦

Things that I hate are stereotyping, HUGE creepy crawlies (spiders, toads, snakes, and cockroaches), firecracker sounds, being left out, loneliness, heart break, blackout, and judgemental people. One random fact about me is, I 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 vent out EVERYTHING I despise in my entire existence---from bad soap operas to toxicity and worse scenarios in real life, because it's a big deal for me, and I consider forcing me to do what I'm not into and manipulating me as my major pet peeves.

𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗚𝗘𝗥𝗦

In terms of triggers...I only have two which are ta𝖨king about divorce/annullment/separation because I came from a generational broken family and religion/beliefs discrimination, cause' there are reasonings that doesn't makes sense because some are too hypocritical.

𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗩𝗜𝗔

My best assets are smile, eyes, personality, singing voice, artistic skills, writings, intelligence, and oratorical skills...so I can consider myself as a singer, artist, orator, and a top student who's a former active campus ministry member with three roles (choir leader, psalm singer, and reader). Currently an incoming college freshman, learning how to cook and have so many interests, to the point I don't know what I'm into because of my dreams to become a popular Filipino YouTuber, a novelist, and being part of a successful chorale competing internationally...I also consider joining pageants at school too once the pandemic ends, but maybe.

Thank you so, so much for requesting! I had a lot of fun with this one (as you can tell by some of the really long answers lol) and I hope you enjoy!!

In the Golden Trio era, I romantically pair you with…

CEDRIC DIGGORY

One of the most beautiful things about Cedric is that although he may show some introverted tendencies, he still manages to have a natural gift for connecting to others and allowing them to feel comfortable enough to open up. Really, your initial distance and shyness don't last nearly as long towards Cedric as they would with most other people.

Hearing your laughter brings the widest, cheesiest grin to Cedric’s face. Not only does he adore seeing you happy, but he also recognizes that your anxiety, insecurities, and strong emotions can sometimes cloud up your demeanor. Therefore, it brings him comfort knowing that (for the moment) you’re finding joy. He thrives when you thrive!

However, as much as he loves seeing your more energetic and happier self, it goes without saying that he’s the best comfort for when you’re not having the best day.

Cedric is an excellent listener, so he’ll most likely let you talk without interruption for as long as you need before even saying a word. He wants to make sure he truly understands your current state before acting. He may take a few seconds to process everything after you finish speaking, but then he’ll help you tackle whatever problems you’re facing. He’s especially talented at giving words of affirmation.

Cedric’s listening also comes in handy whenever you talk about your interests! He genuinely loves hearing about the things you’re interested in solely for the fact that you’re interested in them. Side note: you can count on him to be at any music performances, pageants, etc. you may have -- this guy is truly your #1 supporter.

Cedric’s a very good student (though I suspect he’s somewhat of a procrastinator himself), so I can also see you two supporting each other through schoolwork and celebrating each other’s successes.

Like you, Cedric has a strong urge to do the right thing. Talking to him about social issues stirs up a need to help, and I could see you two doing volunteer work together in your spare time.

I like to believe one of Cedric’s biggest love languages is quality time. Don’t get me wrong, this guy loves staying involved and busy. But taking a couple hours to be with you in small ways (even if that means just being in the same room while you scroll through social media) gives him a nice balance.

Overall, this kind boy will be there unwaveringly through the bad times and will laugh just as loud as you through the good!

As a friend, I think you’d best be matched with…

LUNA LOVEGOOD

You wanna talk about the best conversations, relentless support, and overall the most wholesome friendship you could ask for? Luna’s your girl.

Being unashamed to be true to yourself is one of the biggest reasons why Luna is so drawn to you. While she’s very friendly and insightful towards everyone she meets, it can get a bit repetitive for her to constantly interact with people who try to shelter their unique characteristics from the world. In her mind, these unique characteristics are what make people so fascinating! Why should anyone hide who they are?

Luna’s creativity is endless, and I can see it blending well with yours. Collaborating on a personal project outside of school (ex: novel, blog, etc.) together is definitely something I could see you two doing.

Speaking of creativity, finding creative solutions to everyday problems (both in school and in life) is your specialty as friends.

Admittedly, Luna isn’t usually drawn to louder individuals. However, the complexity behind your personality makes it easier for her to know you are much more than what meets the eye.

Speaking of, Luna has a difficult time standing up for herself -- whether it’s because she doesn’t feel a need to or she just doesn’t recognize the meaning behind certain phrases. She NEEDS a friend like you to stand up for her sometimes, and I know you wouldn’t hesitate!

Ranting to Luna is therapeutic to say the least. While her aloofness at times may make it seem as if she isn’t fully paying attention, that couldn’t be further from the truth. She’s actually catching every word, and once you’re done she’ll leave you with a philosophical solution that may seem borderline insane/irrelevant when you first hear it, but it strangely makes sense.

Overall, the lack of judgment from either of you is what draws you together. As a result, you build a unique bond that couldn’t be broken even if either of you wanted it to.

In the Marauders era, I romantically pair you with…

REMUS LUPIN

Let’s be honest, it would take you two so long to ask each other out. You were probably already really close friends, but the insecurities and “what if?” questions from both of you delayed an actual relationship.

When you finally started dating, you were both so relieved. You still share a laugh at how almost nothing changed in the way you interacted with each other.

While with mutual friends, Remus sometimes likes to sit back and just watch you, especially when you get really talkative because this is when you become the most expressive. He has the softest smile when you’re actively cracking jokes, discussing something you’re passionate about, or even calling someone out. Sometimes you may be too distracted to notice, but other times you’ll catch him.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing.” (While that same soft smile never leaves his face.)

You both hold really high standards for yourself in terms of school, so expect late-night study/work sessions to be your best bet for quality time.

Though the occasional instance of walking through/lying on the grounds becomes a favorite for both of you.

Remus listens when you’re particularly struggling through anxiety or strong emotions, but he has to consciously stop himself from interrupting because he can’t stand how he feels knowing you’re going through a tough time.

All he wants to do is soothe you during these moments. If you’re comfortable, he’ll hold you while speaking to you in a soft voice. Remus, the intellectual that he is, is also your best chance at finding a reasonable solution. So if you're not in the mood for calming words, he's also a great person to turn to for answers.

As for your ambitions, no matter what you choose to pursue, you already know Remus is going to be your biggest source of support every step of the way. He’s more than happy to help in any way he can!

Overall, Remus appreciates you, and he’s always going to make sure you know it.

As a friend, I think you’d best be matched with…

LILY EVANS

Lily especially connects to you because you manage to be determined, competitive, and intelligent without sacrificing your kindness, which is something she can relate to.

You and Lily are the C.E.O.s of doing the right thing. Neither of you hesitates to back the other up when it comes to confronting someone because you know it’s justified.

As perceptive as Lily is, you never need to tell her when something is bothering you. All it takes is a quick glance before she puts whatever she’s doing on hold to check in with you.

The reverse works as well. Typically, Lily really doesn’t internally struggle too much, and when she does she tries to hide it. You’re one of the only people who can see right through whatever she tries to pull.

The constant banter between you two is unmatched, but you both know it's because you really care about each other.

Overall, you and Lily have each other’s backs through anything, even when the other isn’t actively asking for help.

#matchups #fandom matchups #harry potter matchup #harry potter #cedric diggory #luna lovegood #remus lupin #lily evans #lily potter

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got-to-love-a-badboy · 3 years

Text

Special Guest

Previous chapter ^^^

Chapter 5 - Notifications

Jack Grealish x female character

Ellie completely pushed the wedding to the back of her mind, it had been 3 days and Jack hadn't messaged at all, she assumed he must have realised how unimportant she was, but it's ok she was fine with it.

She had just got home from work when she received a notification on of a tag on her Instagram from Jack, she rolled her eyes at the notification, "make your damn mind up!" She said out loud, she placed her bag on the granite counter and sat down to open instagram, it was a post by the photographers who were at Kalvins wedding, Ellie smiled as she saw pictures of the bride and groom, then her and Jessica, Jessica and Jamie, then finally an image she completely forgot had been taken, a picture of her and Jack, Ellie was looking at the camera totally unaware of what Jack was doing, only now could she see the look on his face, he was looking at Ellie with pure admiration, this confused her even more.

"3 days, its been 3 days, no message, no call, only a heart and coffee emoji on my post and now this, wtf Jess! I'm good at putting shit to the back of my mind but how can I when he can't decide what he wants?, I hope he doesn't think I'm a booty call!, or is he shy?, ah! My brain hurts with all this" Ellie ranted on to Jessica, "you done?" Jessica asked, clearly hearing quite enough of her ramblings, "yeah, sorry, what can I do?", Ellie really needed help from her best friend, "exactly what I told you the other day, DM him!, He doesn't rely then fine you will know, if he replies then your in girl", Ellie had to admit her impulsive best friend did make sense, just this one time, "ok il message him now, il call you later".

With that Ellie ended the call and opened Instagram, she sat staring at the screen, clicking on Jack's profile picture, when she saw his face all the memories of the wedding came back to her, she blushed at the thought of his hands all over her again.

She quickly snapped herself back to normality, her priorities was what to put in the message, it had to be simple, nothing too needy but more than a simple 'hi'.

She typed out 20 different messages before finally clicking send, finally deciding on ...

@Ellowe25 - Hey, you ok?, Thank you for the tag, the pictures are beautiful 😍

There, it was done, Ellie pushed her phone into the middle of the kitchen island and headed upstairs to get ready for the gym.

She removed most of her makeup, changed her clothes and put her hair in a high pony tail.

Once she was ready she walked back into the kitchen and grabbed her phone, noticing she had a reply from Jack. She tried to not let herself get too exited but her heart began to race faster than she could stop it.

She picked up the phone and opened the notification...

@Jackgrealish - Princess Ellie!, I'm good beautiful how are you?

I'm really sorry I haven't messaged, I know this is going to sound like absolute shit but Iv been trying to get my head around stuff x.

Ellie rolled her eyes at his reply, he was right it did seem like shit but she accepted his answers and decided to be friendly with him.

@Ellowe25- I'm good thanks, just heading out to the gym, are you back in Birmingham now?

It's fine Jack honestly, I didn't expect anything after the wedding, we live two completely different lives, and understandably you have a lot on, it's not as easy for you to have any sort of relationship. X

She meant what she said to him, she fully expected this to happen and was prepared to deal with it, she shoved her phone in her pocket and got in her car.

When she pulled up at the gym she had two notifications from Jack...

@Jackgrealish - the gym at 7pm, loving the commitment babe.

Yeah I'm back in Birmingham now.

Thank you, I don't want to dismiss what we have because despite everything going on with work and been in the public eye etc, there was something with us and it feels better now we're back in touch, do you agree? X

@Jackgrealish - wouldn't be a gym session without a selfie? Remind me what I'm missing? 😉 x

Ellie laughed at the footballers forwardness, this boy just didn't care, 'two can play that game Grealish' she thought, she headed for the changing rooms and found the long mirrors, she stood in the mirror and readjusted the 'girls' for the perfect 'you wish you had this' photo.

@Ellowe25- of course, your lack of communication shows you need a reminder 😉 But yes it does feel better talking to you again 😘 what are you doing? Does it require a selfie? X

She clicked send and began her work out, 90 minutes later she had finished, she headed back to the locker rooms to shower and change, not before checking her phone.

@Jackgrealish - wow! Ellie 😍 you look amazing

Really wishing I was with you now.

I'm just chilling at home, all alone but you can have a selfie Ellie, just ask 😉 x

Ellie smiled at his reply but still didn't want to get serious before anything even started.

@Ellowe25 - hot stuff Grealish 🥰

Let's just keep talking and see where it goes, no pressure ok?.

Anyway I'm headed to the shower now and unfortunately for you, that doesn't require a selfie, text my number in like 40 minutes, il be home then x

—————————————————-

#jack grealish #jack grealish fic #jackgrealish

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reyescarlos · 3 years

Text

look after you || a buddie fic

❄️ @911giftexchange fic for @bombera hey, tori! i'm wishing you the happiest of holidays! this year has truly been one for the books so i hope this fic will help to end 2020 on a good note for you! it kinda ran away from me but i hope you’ll enjoy! ❄️

word count: 4.7k || read on ao3

You've begun to feel like home, yeah What's mine is yours to leave or take What's mine is yours to make your own

Infamously December is known to be a hectic month but now, with just a little over two weeks until Christmas, Eddie is feeling the pressure. His work schedule leaves little to no time for him to prepare for the holiday season, time slipping through his fingers with such ease that it had come as a surprise to see just how close he and the rest of the world were getting to the big day.

His concern was bad enough but this last week his mind has been additionally preoccupied with worrying over his son who is the latest person to come down with the bug that’s running rampant. If he isn’t at work, he’s right by Chris’ side, doting over him and doing his best to insure his comfort.

Throughout it all he has had Buck, his best friend and confidant, a man he can share virtually any thought with. All, really, but one. Eddie groans internally. His unspoken feelings for Buck are the last thing he needs to dwell on now. But the thought is far easier to think than put into practice with Buck sharing this space with him. Even on his day off Buck opts to spend time at the Diaz house, an additional set of hands that Eddie is beyond grateful for at such a time. Buck has long since been a staple in his home and now, more than ever, he’s grateful for his companionship and help to keep him from going under. Buck seems to understand him in ways very few can, sensing his needs and thoughts without a single word uttered.

He can feel Buck’s eyes on him as he pops two slices of bread into the toaster but he focuses on his task, doing his best to keep his head on straight though his mind is a riot of thoughts.

Eddie massages the back of his neck to relieve some tension, stretching it a bit as he draws in a breath.

“Alright, what’s going with you?” Buck asks.

Eddie turns back to face him and shrugs. “It’s nothing. I’m just trying to figure out a game plan. I still have to finish holiday shopping but you’ve seen our schedule for the next two weeks. We’re practically going to be living at the station.”

“But we have today off and it’s only noon. That’s plenty of time for you to head out there while I stay here with little man. See? Simple solution.”

“It’s your day off. I couldn’t do that.”

“I can watch him, it’s not a problem,” Buck insists.

Eddie hesitates. It’s a great offer, one that would quickly remedy his dilemma. “I don’t know, Buck. It’s a big ask. It’s short notice and he’s sick.”

“It’s not a big ask. It’s not even an ask at all; I’m volunteering. And besides,” Buck says, puffing up his chest. “Buckleys don’t catch colds.”

Eddie’s mouth twists to one side in thought. Today really is the one true window of time he’ll have and it’ll certainly be easier to stealthily buy Chris’ presents without his observant son being able to see what he’s purchasing. Resigned, Eddie nods slowly, knowing this is the best offer he could possibly have.

“Alright, yeah, okay. I’ll try and hurry back but still, I know it’ll be a few hours until I’ll be back home.”

Buck rolls his eyes. “Would you relax? Take all the time you need, seriously. Chris and I always have a blast together. We’ll be just fine. I promise.”

“No, I know he’s good with you. I just…”

“Suck at accepting help, yes, I know,” Buck teases, patting him on the shoulder with one hand and gesturing towards the front of the house with the other.

“Go. I’m officially kicking you out. Don’t forget to get me something nice, yeah?”

~*~*~

Eddie returns home with a trunk full of presents after a very successful trip to the mall. He’s managed to get for everyone on his list and the relief he feels in having this task officially scratched off his to-do list is a major weight off his shoulders. He carries a few bags in with him to the house. From the moment he steps inside he can hear the raucous laughter of Christopher and Buck coming from the living room, his son breaking into a small coughing fit afterwards.

Eddie stashes his purchases into the closet, hiding the bags under his jacket in a feeble attempt to bury it for the time being. Buck and Chris carry on chatting and Eddie is certain that neither of them realizes he’s gotten back, so wrapped up they are in their conversation.

“Maybe we could go to New York like Kevin next year for Christmas? Me, you, and Dad.”

Eddie feels his body tense and he stays in place, curious as to what Buck’s response will be.

Eddie could easily picture it, the three of them taking on the city. The images that flood his mind teem with warmth and joy and sincerely, Eddie would love nothing more than to wrap himself in that. But a trip that elaborate wouldn’t be a casual thing between friends, at least not for him. It’s one thing to have Buck over at his place or for them to go on outings around LA with Chris on weekends. A Christmas getaway would carry far more weight. It’s something that families do. Something twinges a bit in Eddie’s chest at the thought. Somewhere along the way, without Eddie even fully realizing it had solidified itself, that’s precisely what Buck has become to him, and apparently Chris too.

“Now there’s an idea. I would love to go with you guys. Sure you wouldn’t mind me tagging along?”

Chris is quick to respond, casting away any trace of doubt. “Nope, the trip wouldn’t be the same without you.”

Eddie can hear Buck sigh. It’s clear just how touched his best friend is by Chris’ sentiment and Eddie would have to agree with his son. Any trip, any facet of life really, is so much better when Buck is thrown into the mix. He’s so interwoven into the fabric of their life, it’d be hard to picture any moment, big or small, without him there experiencing it with them.

“See, this is why you’re my favorite Diaz. Don’t tell your dad I said that though. It may break his old man heart,” Buck laughs, Chris joining in.

This melody is Eddie’s favorite sound, the lightheartedness of his two favorite guys sharing a private joke. It’s the little things like this that light him up, that fill him with a warmth so vibrant and strong that it takes every ounce of strength in him not to sit Buck down one day and have a serious conversation. But Eddie has never been good with words and in a case like this, for a topic this important, he knows a talk like that would be best handled with care. Whenever, or rather if ever, that day comes, Eddie hopes he’ll be prepared to handle it. Instead he’ll stick to this, to cloaking his feelings for the sake of keeping the scales balanced.

“With laughs that big I’m guessing someone is feeling better?” he says aloud, essentially announcing his presence.

He steps into the living room and sees the space has been transformed. A giant fort is set up in the center of the room and at the mouth of it is Buck and Chris stretched out side by side on pillows from the couch and Chris’ bed. It looks like the coziest of setups and Eddie isn’t at all surprised to see that Buck got creative in trying to make Chris as comfortable as possible.

Chris slaps on an innocent smile but Buck apparently has a harder time schooling his features.

“Eddie, you’re back. I didn’t even hear you come in,” he says, picking up the remote.

The end credits for Home Alone 2 flit by on screen. Buck hits pause as Chris reaches for the DVD of A Charlie Brown Christmas.

“Can we watch this one next?” he asks Buck who’s already nodding.

“Oh, definitely. This is one of my all-time favorites. How about I get you another bowl of soup and then we can fire this one up. Sound good?”

Chris gives him a two thumbs up and flops back against the pillows, plucking a tissue out of the box and wiping at his nose. Eddie frowns seeing his son so sick but the best he can do is continue supplying him with medicine and fluids to help him through it.

Buck carefully climbs out of the fort and walks over to Eddie, the two of them going into the kitchen.

“How’d your shopping go?” Buck asks as he opens the fridge and takes out a container.

“Really well. I managed to get stuff for everyone on my list, including a certain pest I know,” he jokes the second Buck opens his mouth, no doubt to check about the status of his own gift.

“Well, I’m glad you have your priorities in order then, thank you.”

A comfortable silence falls between them as Buck moves around the kitchen and Eddie is struck, not for the first time since befriending Buck, at how comfortable his friend is inside of his home. That’s all Eddie could have ever wanted. Buck moves with such assurance taking a bowl down from the cupboard, pulling a spoon out of a drawer, knowing exactly where everything is without hesitation or having to ask. It warms his heart to see this, to know that Buck must feel comfortable here, that this could somehow be home.

“Thanks again for watching Chris for me. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it,” he says as Buck pops the now filled bowl into the microwave.

“Don’t mention it. I love hanging out with him and if I can help you in any way, I will. Always.”

Buck holds his gaze and for a moment, Eddie thinks he’ll say more. There’s something in his expression that looks as if he’s trying to communicate something wordlessly but far too soon, the moment passes and shortly after the microwave beeping breaks the silence between them. Buck smiles softly before turning away but Eddie keeps his eyes trained on his back, getting lost in his thoughts.

Maybe this is all in his head or perhaps an unhealthy amount of wishful thinking is at play but lately something has felt different between them, as if there’s something going unspoken.

Buck gets a tray and puts the bowl on top of it, carefully picking it up from the countertop.

“I can bring it to him,” Eddie says, gesturing to take the tray. “You can get out of here, if you want. You should enjoy what’s left of your day off.”

Buck rolls his eyes as he side steps and laughs. “That’s exactly what I’m doing now. Didn’t you hear? It’s Charlie Brown time. No way in hell am I missing him or that tree.”

Eddie smiles softly and shakes his head. He opens his mouth to say something but falls short on words. Buck seems to understand regardless as he smiles back and nods.

“I know,” he says simply. Eddie wants so desperately to ask what exactly it is that Buck knows, what he feels but he lets the matter go for now.

This right here is more than enough, he reasons. To have Buck look at him and comprehend even a fraction of his gratitude.

~*~*~

Eddie knows he worries too much but watching Buck throughout their busy morning and early afternoon with back to back calls, he can’t help but to feel a little troubled over Buck’s slower pace and quieter nature. Usually he could be counted on to be the most energized and talkative during calls but today he’s so much more subdued and it feels like a real cause for concern.

“You okay?” Eddie asks, searching Buck’s face as they wash their hands in the bathroom to prep for lunch.

“Yeah, I just need some food in me and I’ll be good to go.”

Buck smiles reassuringly but Eddie isn’t convinced. Nonetheless he follows Buck up to the loft where the rest of the crew is already gathered around the table. Eddie takes a seat beside Hen who sits across from Chimney, the two already engaged in conversation.

This leaves Eddie the coveted spot of sitting opposite Buck.

Buck settles in at the table beside Chimney, placing a hand against his throat as he clears it before he reaches to the center of the table to start fixing his plate. Eddie watches him curiously as he’s done all day, noting the way Buck seems to be moving a bit slower than usual, the man’s eyes trained in focus on the simple task of putting food on his plate.

Eddie wonders if he’s reading too much into Buck’s body language but given how well he knows his friend, he feels safe in his assumption that Buck is off today because he’s sick and putting forth his best efforts to disguise this fact. Out in the field it was easy to attribute Buck’s pace to the amount of work the team had to put into their calls but now, with everyone finally able to unwind and catch their breath, Buck still looks put out.

“Buck, you’re really hot,” Chimney says as Buck’s arm grazes his. Eddie purses his lips, his suspicion confirmed easily.

Buck flashes a smile and a wink. “Tell me something I don’t know. But I don’t think Maddie would take it well to know you’re hitting on her brother.”

Chim smacks his hand against his forehead and shakes his head.

“You’re no match for your sister, I can tell you that right now, but that’s not what I meant. Seriously, don’t you feel warm?”

Buck shakes his head. “No. It’s actually kind of cold in here, isn’t it?”

Hen pushes back from the table across from him, putting a hand over her mouth and nose.

“Nope, you’ve got to go. Cap, this bug is making the rounds quick. I swear half of Denny’s class is out with it.”

Bobby rises from his seat and walks over to Buck, placing a hand on his forehead. Buck looks like a grumpy child as his bottom lip pokes out slightly.

“Jeez, Buck. You’re like a furnace. I’m afraid I have to send you home.”

“But, Cap!” Buck tries to protest but Bobby shakes his head and holds up a hand to stop any more objections.

“That’s an order. And here are some more for you: drink lots of fluids, get in bed, and stay there. Be sure to get a ton of rest until this fever breaks. I know you want to stay on and help but you’re going to sideline the whole team if we don’t do this. Sorry, Buck.”

Buck sighs defeatedly and pushes back in his seat, rising to his feet. The crew murmurs their get well soon wishes to Buck as he heads toward the stairs and Eddie’s heart sinks to the pit of his stomach knowing how and why Buck is sick in the first place. He rises from his seat, quickly wiping at his mouth with a napkin before following him to the locker room.

Eddie stays quiet at the door as Buck gets his locker open and takes out his bag.

“So much for Buckleys don’t get sick, huh?” Buck says with a sigh, sitting down on the bench.

Eddie steps further into the room and sits beside him, putting a hand on his shoulder and giving it a light squeeze. He’s surprised when Buck’s hand comes to rest over his. Buck’s hand is warm and Eddie relishes in his touch but too soon, the feeling is gone; Buck quickly lets go and clears his throat, shifting his attention to his bag. Eddie’s hand falls limply into his lap.

“This one’s on me. I’ll stop by after work and check on you, okay?” he ventures.

“You don’t have to. I’ll be alright.”

“Maybe so but I’d feel a hell of a lot better seeing that for myself. I can drop you home now, if you want. I’m sure Bobby would let me run off for a bit.”

Buck smiles softly and shakes his head. “You’re a good friend, Eddie, but I can manage the trip home. I promise I’ll follow Dr. Nash’s orders to the letter. I’ll be back on my feet in no time, just you wait and see.”

~*~*~

It’s been two days and Buck’s fever has been making its presence known; it’s Chris’ symptoms all over again but Eddie is ready for it, already having placed a call to his grandmother for even more of her miracle soup. Eddie’s been anxious at work, keeping his phone within reach at all times just waiting to get replies from Buck when he checks in. Some messages are more coherent than others but overall it seems as if Buck is hanging in there as much as can be expected.

Eddie’s certain that what his friend needs now is his grandmother’s home-cooking to really send Buck’s ailment packing. It’s to her house he heads straight to after his shift, his thoughts resting heavily on Buck’s recovery.

“Abuela?” Eddie calls out as he locks back the front door of her home.

“In here!”

Eddie follows her voice to the kitchen where he finds his grandmother ladling her soup into Tupperware, the remnants of vegetables and spices on the counter.

He greets her with a kiss on each cheek, taking a set back so she can continue filling the container she’s halfway done with.

“Thanks for doing this...again,” he muses. “One day I swear I’ll learn how to make this stuff.”

She gives him a doubtful look but smiles. “I don’t mind making it for you and your boys.”

Eddie eyes her for a moment, taking note of the implication of her wording. Unsure of how or even if he should call attention to it, Eddie switches gears a bit.

“I’m sure Buck is going to appreciate it. This soup was practically magic for Chris. Buck is chomping at the bit to get back to the station. This is just the thing to get him there again soon.”

His grandmother sets the ladle down and secures the lid on the container, double checking that it’s properly sealed.

“And I’m sure you’re eager for him to get back, too.”

Eddie is brought up short by this, his brows furrowing in thought. Isabel Diaz is as formidable a woman as ever and is always far too good at reading things that weren’t spoken with Eddie. In a case like this, it only makes him feel on edge rather than comforted.

“What are you getting at?”

Isabel shrugs her shoulders but despite how nonchalant the gesture is, Eddie knows there must be more to her thoughts than she’s letting on just then.

“Nothing. Nothing at all. Buck is your best friend, no? I would think it’d make sense that you’d want your partner back.”

Eddie can feel heat rising in his face and quickly turns to the pantry, opening the door to it and taking a tote bag off one of the shelves, taking advantage of the brief moment of reprieve to pull himself together.

Eddie returns to her side and begins packing away the various containers. His grandmother is nothing if not efficient and thorough. These batches will be enough to get Buck through the week.

Eddie stays quiet while he works but just as he’s putting away the last container, she places a hand on his arm, stilling him.

He turns his head slightly to look at her, not quite meeting her eye. She takes it as the invitation it is to say whatever is on her mind.

“He’s lucky to have a friend like you,” she says softly, as if in thought.

“I’m the lucky one here, believe me. Buck’s always a huge help. At work, around the house, with Chris. This is the least I could do.”

It’s only then that Eddie looks at his grandmother fully and the knowing smile on her face is so comforting that Eddie feels the tension in his body melt away.

“People like that are hard to find in life. Be sure to hold on the good ones for however long you can.”

~*~*~

Visits to Buck’s after work have become the norm all week and with each trip, Eddie feels more assured that Buck will be better in no time. Today’s check in brings on a sense of déjà vu. In Buck’s living room now is a replica of the fort he and Chris constructed at Eddie’s place a week and a half prior.

“What’s your obsession with forts anyway?” he asks as he climbs inside, surrounded by plush pillows and blankets.

“Maddie used to make them for me all the time when I was little,” Buck says. “Building one with Chris has me kinda nostalgic, I guess.”

Eddie smiles to himself at the mental image of Buck as a kid. It isn’t too hard to picture what he must have looked like back then as he looks at him now, a blanket draped over his head and shoulders sitting cross-legged in front of the laptop, a movie already playing.

“What are you watching?” Eddie asks, settling in.

“Love Actually.”

Eddie laughs and shakes his head. “I didn’t take you for a romcom lover but I guess that somehow makes sense now that I think about it.”

“What’s not to love about them? The build up, the will-they-won’t-they but you know they totally will, the big sweeping declaration at the end? That’s what everyone roots for. Who doesn’t like seeing people in love live happily ever after? It’s the dream,” Buck concludes.

Eddie doesn’t argue the point. How could he possibly when that’s all he’s been hoping to have himself?

“That’s really your dream?” he asks tentatively.

Buck shrugs. “I definitely wouldn’t say no if it were to happen. But in order for all of that, someone would actually have to fall head over heels for me,” he laughs wryly.

“You make it sound like such an impossibility. Like you’re somehow difficult to love.”

Buck’s head tilts to the side a bit. “You don’t think that I am?”

It’s such a loaded question, a dangerous one really but still, the words fall effortlessly from Eddie’s lips as he replies.

“I would think that falling for you is one of the easiest things a person could do.”

Eddie realizes this conversation is veering off course and Buck probably isn’t thinking very clearly given the state of things. For all Eddie knows, Buck is hopped up on cold medicine and doesn’t realize he’s asking leading questions. Eddie falls silent then, laying back and staring up the blanket overhead as the movie continues to play on screen. The seconds stretch tauntingly and Eddie knows he’s said too much, gone too far over the line they’ve been treating as a tightrope.

He hears the tap of the keyboard and the movie pauses. Eddie keeps his eyes trained above him, hoping they can avoid delving deeper into this. But he’s kicked open the gate, ushered in this line of conversation he’s been terrified to have.

“Eddie, I—,” Buck starts but Eddie isn’t so sure he wants, or is even ready, to hear what Buck has to say in response.

“You should get some sleep.”

“But I want to talk to you. I missed you today. I always miss you when you’re away.”

Eddie freezes, unsure of if this an open statement Buck would be making if he wasn’t sick or possibly feeling awkward given Eddie’s last comment but he’d be lying to himself if he said it isn’t something that makes his chest warm right in the center.

“I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere all night,” he assures.

“All night? What about Chris?”

“He’s probably on his way to a sugar coma at my grandmother’s right about now. She’s baking tonight and Chris, of course, volunteered to help. I know he’s just in for the leftover frosting and taste testing.”

This seems to be a good enough distraction. Buck laughs softly and grows quiet, pressing the laptop again and Eddie is certain he’s never been more grateful to hear a bunch of British people in conversation with each other. He opts to just listen to rather than watch the movie; his focus is completely shot.

After a few minutes, Buck sighs and burrows in against Eddie’s side. Instinctively Eddie wraps an arm around his friend. Before he can undo it or reprimand himself for getting too familiar with Buck, the man buries his face against the side of Eddie’s neck.

He’s all too aware of each breath Buck takes, his skin tickling with every exhale. There’s nothing casual or platonic about this and Eddie’s heart aches so painfully in his chest that it takes every ounce of willpower he has to keep breathing. But still, before he can allow himself to truly accept what Buck getting this close to him means, he needs to hear it from the man himself.

“Buck?”

“You didn’t give me a chance to say anything before so I figured I’d show you where my head and heart are instead.”

Eddie sits up slowly, Buck moving with him. Eddie takes in his expression and sees a real clarity in Buck’s eyes that leaves no room for uncertainty that he’s serious. Eddie has spent so long feeling terrified of being presented with this moment but he takes comfort in realizing this isn’t one-sided like he’s feared.

“Is this the part with the big sweeping declaration?” he jokes lamely to work out his nerves.

“I sure hope so. That tends to always be the best part.”

“You’re a lot better at this than me,” he says, rubbing his palm against the front of his jeans.

“To be fair, I watch a lot of romantic comedies in my downtime.”

Eddie can’t help but to laugh at this, grateful for the levity Buck brings to this moment. He cups the man’s cheek and strokes his face lightly with his thumb as he stares into his eyes.

“I’ve never been too good with this sort of stuff but you make me want to figure out a way how to be. Maybe in time I’ll be able to get the words out but, if nothing else, just know that I feel a lot for you, Buck. With you, I feel everything.”

Eddie leans forward and kisses Buck’s forehead, his eyes drifting closed as he lingers for a moment. Buck sighs contentedly, one hand settling on Eddie’s knee. Eddie pulls away then, resting his forehead against Buck’s, his fingers carding gently through his hair at the back of his head. Buck bumps his nose softly to Eddie’s who smiles at the move.

“Crap, sorry,” Buck says, pulling away. “What if you get sick next?”

“I survived Chris’ fever. I think I’ll be fine with yours too. If not, then I’ll just have to commission Abuela to make more soup,” he laughs. “Speaking of which, I should get some for you. Or tea or—”

“No,” Buck interjects, holding on to his wrist gently, keeping him in place. “Please, just...stay here for a little while longer with me?”

Eddie looks at him, takes in that soft pleading look and nods. “Whatever you want.”

Buck smiles at this and lays down on his side. Eddie doesn’t hesitate in spooning him, his arm securing snugly across Buck’s hip. His face burrows in the crook of the man’s neck, chin propped against his shoulder.

“Now will you get some sleep?” he asks quietly.

Buck laughs, light and carefree. “I don’t see how I can be expected to now after all of this,” he replies just as quietly, playing with Eddie’s fingers.

“This feels like Christmas morning as a kid. All that excitement, wondering what’s in store. No,” he continues, shaking his head. “ I couldn’t possibly sleep now. I don’t want to miss a second of what comes next.”

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