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toosicktoocare · 3 years

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okay, spoilers for the most recent 911 episode below (and tagged as such as well)

i haven’t written in months- i just have a lot of feelings, and i needed to work through them

It’s weird, Buck thinks, how quickly the sound around him can fade, how fast the pain in his back and his side can grow fuzzy, almost numb even, until he’s completely disassociating, losing his touch on reality in time with Eddie’s final blink.

He’s back at Eddie’s house, head burrowed in the fridge, and he’s digging around meal prep containers for hidden beers.

“Heard you flipped out yesterday.”

“Huh?” Buck’s only half listening because he’s on a quest of the alcoholic nature, and he’s pretty sure he spots a dark neck of a beer bottle nestled between a container of rice and a jar of low fat mayonnaise.

“At the well.”

This Buck hears quite clearly, and he snags the beer and turns away from the fridge, lips curving softly downward at the edges.

“Bobby said you were frantic.”

The grooves in the beer bottle cap dig into Buck’s palm. Or maybe, Buck thinks, he’s deliberately pushing it into his skin. “You were trapped.”

“And your plan was what, Buck? Dig me out with your hands?”

“If that’s what I had to,” Buck spits back, eyes narrow, shooting Eddie a gaze he is normally on the receiving end of, and it’s just enough to have Eddie’s face go soft before him.

“Not sure if I should thank you because I know that you are genuinely serious, or if I should officially declare you as the world’s biggest idiot because I know that you are genuinely serious.”

Buck laughs lowly under his breath, yet still, his eyes are warm, determined, and he cocks his head to the side. “I said I have your back, didn’t I?”

“This again?” Eddie asks, now laughing with Buck.

“I’m a man of my damn word, Eddie. If I say I have you back, then I have your back.”

“Firefighter Buckley!”

Buck’s gotten used to pulling himself slowly out of a dissociative state, cool and calm, working through grounding techniques, so the abrupt, loud voice in his ear is a gun shot that rips through his mind.

Gun shot.

Buck blinks quickly. Eddie’s face is now in full view, and he looks unnaturally pale and cold, a contrast to his blood still warm and splattered across his face.

“Eddie.”

“Sir, we’ll get to him as soon as it’s safe. We need to focus on you first.”

Buck shoves himself up into a sitting position, ignoring the thrum of pain gnawing at his side. He’s sure he’ll look purple and blue by morning.

“No, Eddie,” he repeats, unable to form much more in terms of sentences. His mind can only collect what’s currently the most meaningful in this situation, and that one thing is only Eddie.

“Eddie,” he tries again, louder, hoping to jostle Eddie awake by his voice, hoping that, maybe, Eddie’s only passed out from the pain and that the pool of blood isn’t actually draining from a potentially severe gun shot wound.

“Firefighter Buckley—”

Buck shoves away from the firefighter beside him. He ignores the hand grabbing at his shirt, ignores the voices shouting for him to come back, and then he’s hovering over Eddie, shielding him, assessing what he can of the wound with shaking hands.

Eddie’s unresponsive below him, and Buck’s stomach twists so tightly, he could double over in pain. He’s just turning around to yell for help when he’s being jerked to his feet by a cop. His eyes stay on Eddie as Eddie’s rushed onto a backboard, and he’s so focused on Eddie’s face, so desperate for a hint of life, a crease of the brow, that he doesn’t process the hand squeezing his arm or the voice close to his ear until the cop is speaking.

“Go with him, and stay low.”

Nodding, Buck hunches over and runs to the ambulance Eddie’s being lifted into, and the second he gets a nod, he pulls himself up, and the door’s closed in front of him.

With as loud as it had been outside, it’s eerily quiet in the ambulance, even with the siren blaring overhead. The paramedics are working quickly and quietly, discussing the best course of action under their breath. Buck stares at Eddie’s sodden shirt, at the too dark stain toward his shoulder, and he reaches over, ripping the shirt open to get a clear look.

“Sir, please let us handle the patient.”

One of the paramedics swats at Buck’s hands, and he leans back, eyes glued to the small silver bullet nestled inside of Eddie’s chest. It wasn’t a clean shot, and Buck knows that poses more recovery complications. He’s sure surgery is just on the horizon for Eddie.

He only pulls his eyes away from the angry wound when Eddie groans, his brow furrowing.

“Eddie?” Buck leans forward, one hand resting just above Eddie’s forehead, his hair soft against his palm. “Can you hear me?”

Eddie’s eyes squeeze before he pries them open. Even through the small slits, Buck can see how glossy and unfocused Eddie looks.

“Buck?”

His voice is shot, weak, and thick with pain, and Buck nods, one thumb smoothing across Eddie’s forehead.

“Hey, man. Yeah, it’s me. You’re going to be okay.”

Eddie frowns, and he lifts one shaking hand to Buck’s cheek, fingers pressing to the blood on Buck’s face.

“You’re hurt?”

“What?” Buck asks, shaking his head. He goes to explain more, to reassure that he’s fine, but Eddie goes slack below him, and the paramedics push him back, shouting for the driver to pick up the pace. Eddie’s crashing, and the frantic beeping is deafening to his ears.

He won’t because he wants all focus to be on saving Eddie, but still, Buck kind of wishes he could throw up to ease the pressure in his gut.

***

“Buck!”

Bobby’s voice rings out across the waiting room, and Buck lifts his head from his hands to see Bobby running toward him with Athena hot on his heels. He can see the question written all over Bobby’s face, and he holds up a single hand, shaking his head.

“It’s not my blood.” What he leaves off is how he’d give anything for it to be his blood. For him to be the one carted off to surgery, not Eddie.

Bobby nods, and Athena sighs softly.

“You okay, Buckaroo?”

Buck’s not sure if it’s just because it’s Athena, or if it’s her motherly nature, but his composure crumbles at her words. He wants to tell them he’s fine— that Eddie is the one everyone should worry about. But, he can’t stop shaking, and his eyes have been burning with unshed tears.

Athena pulls him to his feet, and he falls against her, a sob ripping up his throat. He can feel Bobby at his back, a warm, grounding hand to his shoulder, and Athena’s arms are wrapped tightly around his back, keeping the pieces together.

“You’re okay, Buck.”

He clings to Athena until he’s sure he can stand up on his own, and then he falls into the soft question and answer process, revealing all he knows: Eddie was shot; the police who took his statement have yet to find the shooter, but they don’t think Eddie was specifically a target; he’s in surgery, but the doctors are extremely optimistic.

“Are we going to be able to pry you away from this hospital?” Athena asks, and Buck gives a shaky nod.

“Chris is with a friend, and Eddie was supposed to pick him up. I’m going to... I’ve got to tell him.”

“We can have someone else—”

“—no,” Buck interrupts, stepping back. “It has to be me.” He catches a glimpse of his reflection in the smudged glass of a vending machine: pale face smeared red with dried blood. “I should,” he notions weakly to his face, laughs awkwardly, and Bobby nods, a frown etched across his lips.

“I’ll drive you back to your jeep after you wash up.”

Nodding, Buck slips to the bathroom, thankful to find it empty. He looks at himself, but all he can see is the muted, pale shock written across Eddie’s face looking back at him, painted in the blood splattered across his face. He turns the tap on as hot as it will allow, and then he scrubs, hands moving roughly up and down his face, the hand soap slightly stinging his skin. He scrubs until his entire face burns, and then he stumbles backward with a gasp he covers with his palm.

He holds in a deep breath that quakes against his lungs, and he doesn’t release it until he’s sure he can without falling apart.

“Eddie’s going to be fine,” he says aloud, practicing now to sound as confident and as believable as he can.

***

“Did you get hurt at work, Buck?”

Buck’s not surprised that the first question out of Christopher’s mouth is about his well-being and not of his dad’s absence— typical Diaz behavior.

“Uh, no, bud.” Buck kneels down, leveling himself with Christopher. “It’s not mine.”

“Where’s my dad?”

“He...” Buck stumbles with his words, swallows thickly. “He won’t be coming home tonight, bud. He got hurt at work, but I’m going to make sure he gets better real fast.”

“Is he at the hospital? Can I see him?”

Christopher’s voice is growing more and more unsteady, adopting a waver that’s a brick smashing to Buck’s heart.

“He is, but he’s still busy getting patched up, so he can’t have visitors just yet.”

Christopher nods, and Buck wonders just when it was exactly that Chris matured without his seeing. “He’s going to be okay, bud. But you know what will make him get better faster?”

Before Buck can answer, Carla slips into the room, supplies in hand.

“Make him a really big card!”

“Yes!” Christopher’s smile turns into a giggle as Carla drops markers and glitter and poster boards onto Eddie’s kitchen table.

“Chris, Carla’s going to watch you while I go back to the hospital. As soon as I get the okay for visitors, I’ll call.”

Christopher nods and shuffles to the table, already scoping out markers to use for the card. While occupied, Buck slips toward the door with Carla hot on his heels.

“Is he okay?”

“Still in surgery,” Buck answers on auto-pilot, having muttered those words too many times already to count.

“Are you okay?”

Buck laughs weakly, rakes a hand through his hair. “Ask me again when Eddie’s awake.”

“Oh, honey—”

“It’s okay,” Buck mutters, casting his eyes to the floor. “Sign my name on the card for me?”

“Buck, why don’t you stay for a little bit? Change your clothes? Eat something?”

“I can’t,” Buck shakes his head, unsure how to explain that the only way to easy the jutting pain in his chest is to be back at the hospital. “I need to—”

“Go,” Carla rolls her eyes. “But I’m bringing you food.”

Buck smiles, small but genuine. “Thanks, Carla.”

***

Buck scans his text from Hen, gnaws at his lower lip.

[From: Hen] where’d you run off to? We’re all in the waiting room.

He pulls his gaze up to Eddie’s sleeping form, to the wires sticking out of him.

[To: Hen] I may have waited until a dr walked through the double doors and snuck into Eddie’s room...

His phone blows up shortly after with texts and calls, and he ignores all, instead typing to a 118 group text.

[To: Fire Fam] look, I know I’m not supposed to be back here, but don’t tell on me okay? I know the dr said his surgery went well, but I had to see for myself

[From Chim in Fire Fam] Hen’s rolling her eyes

[From Hen in Fire Fam] damn right I am. So is Athena

[From Bobby in Fire Fam] how is he?

He looks terrible, Buck thinks. His skin is still too pale, and there are dark purple spots coloring below his eyes. His breathing is labored, and his face is pinched as if in pain.

Terrible, Buck thinks, yet so beautifully alive. The relief is edging his nerves, hesitant to completely encompass him.

[To Fire Fam] he looks like hell, but he’s alive

Buck locks his phone and leans forward, resting his head on the edge of Eddie’s bed. He lays one hand over Eddie’s, and he drifts somewhere between awake and asleep, coming to fully when Eddie groans above him.

He jerks forward, leans in close, and squeezes Eddie’s hand. “Eddie? You with me?”

It takes an impossibly long time for Eddie to open his eyes, but when he does, his smile is weak but warm enough to bring Buck’s relief fully over him.

“Buck.”

There’s no confusion in Eddie’s voice this time— only soft certainty, and Buck squeezes Eddie’s hand once more.

“In the flesh.”

“You’re here.”

“Yep,” Buck nods, smiling. “Though when I have to duck behind a chair when a nurse comes in, pretend like you didn’t see me, yeah? Kinda breaking hospital rules right now.”

Eddie laughs, and then he coughs weakly, wincing. Still, his eyes hold Buck’s gaze, and Buck wouldn’t look away even for a second.

“Chris?” Eddie finally croaks out, and Buck nods.

“He’s okay. He’s with Carla. They are coming as soon as the doctor gives the okay for visitors.”

“Legal visitors,” Eddie clarifies, and Buck smiles. If Eddie can joke, he must be on the mend.

“Hey, a part of having your back means I simply must sneak into your hospital room to make sure you don’t croak.”

Eddie’s laugh turns into a harsher cough, and Buck smooths a hand over Eddie’s forehead. “Maybe stop laughing?”

“Stop making me then,” Eddie pouts, and Buck leans back with a smile.

“I gotta talk to Carla.”

Buck cocks a brow. “She’ll be here as soon as she can.”

“She told me to make sure I’m following my own heart.”

Frowning, Buck tilts his head. “Uh, Eddie? You okay, man?”

“She was right— I thought I was but I wasn’t.”

“Okay, maybe I’ll give myself up and grab a nurse. You are talking too weird right now. Clearly something’s not clicking right in that old head of yours.” Buck makes to stand, to leave, his concern heightening behind his poor joke, but Eddie grabs at his wrist, a weak grip that Buck frowns deeply at.

“Eddie, I—”

“Stay. Please.”

Slowly, Buck takes his seat. “As long as you stop being weird as hell.”

“I will for now.”

#911 fox #911 spoilers #buddie #evan buckley #Eddie Diaz #9 1 1 fox #9 1 1 spoilers #christopher diaz #athena grant #bobby nash #look i haven't written in months #i just have a lOT of feelings and i needed to dump them out #i may go back and write something less shitty when i can regain my composure

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benjiwyatt · 3 years

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do you have any ben/leslie headcanons! i love your posts abt them so much it's great to see someone get as emotional abt them as i am asjdkajhjd

i got this message and i was like "god, i dont really know if i have any headcanons" and then i opened my notes app and started typing and didn't stop for over an hour

i'm literally putting this under a break and organizing it into categories bc it's absurdly long

here it is

A COLLECTION OF BEN AND LESLIE HEADCANONS

PRE-RELATIONSHIP/S3

basically canon but leslie definitely had a crush on a young benji wyatt and followed the story religiously for the first couple months before she started college

ben is only slightly jealous leslie had ann go out with chris to try and get more money for the parks budget rather than leslie asking him out with the same goal. he knows it’s insane, unethical, and illogical but he’s still excited that he gets to spend the night with her on a date plus two other people even if it is to accuse her of bribery.

ann realizes early on that leslie was attracted to ben and teases her mercilessly about it. she thinks it’s absolutely hilarious that leslie wants to make out with "mean ben.” after april and andy’s wedding, she realizes it's more than just attraction and she lays off.

before ben can even think rationally about what he’s doing, he’s in line at bed, bath, and beyond with a crock pot in his arms, calling stephanie to ask her to send him their family’s chicken soup recipe

ann knew ben liked her from the beginning and was totally positive when she ran into him in the hospital asking for leslie’s room number while holding jj’s waffles and a tub of homemade soup.

ben realizes he’s falling in love with leslie when he is at city hall with her until 3am one night trying to budget for the amount of cotton candy machines she wants for the harvest festival. in his exhaustion, he naively believes her when she tells him she’ll go home in a bit so he leaves. he never gets a text from saying she made it home so he stops at jj’s the next morning and brings a takeout container of waffles and a coffee complete with an outlandish amount of whipped cream and sugar to the parks department. he finds her asleep in the conference room. he starts trying to convince sweetums to donate more cotton candy machines that afternoon.

chris had to have known ben liked leslie. he’s not an idiot. in the deleted scene from their wedding, they read out emails from their “tumultuous first week in pawnee” and chris writes to ben saying, “why are you so focused on leslie knope?” ben replies saying, “i’m not. whatever. shut up.” there’s no way chris is this oblivious. ben takes her out for a beer. ben pays out of pocket for a children’s performer to help her out. ben shows up on chris and ann’s date just because he thinks leslie might be there. chris can’t be this dumb. but when they take the city manager jobs in pawnee, he knows it can’t happen so he cuts ben off when he starts to ask about dating someone in city hall. he cracks down on the rule in front of leslie after the tom incident to hammer it in. he starts setting ben up on a bunch of dates to try and head it off. he sends them to indianapolis for the little league pitch because, realistically, he knows they’re the best bet for success but makes sure to interrupt their dinner and invites them to his apartment to continue to run interference the rest of the night. after their fights in 4.06-4.08, he hopes he won’t have to worry anymore. the next work day, they come into his office looking nervous and happy and he knows he’s about to lose the partner and best friend that’s been by his side for the past decade.

april and andy knew they were secretly dating. it went unspoken aside from a few implicit teasing remarks from april and a few suggestive attempted high fives from andy but leslie assured ben they wouldn’t tell anyone despite their ostensible behavior.

BREAK UP

ben had commissioned the li’l sebastian plush for leslie after he had died but the toy shop didn’t finish it until after they broke up. he felt bad not going to pick it up so he did despite not being able to give it to her. he kept it for all those months and sometimes thought about getting rid of it but could never bring himself to do it.

when leslie made personalized copies her books for her friends with individualized annotations and notes in the bylines, she had two copies for ben. there was one that she gave him during their breakup that was very simplified and watered down where the note basically just said “i’m really glad you decided to stay in pawnee.” then there was a second copy that she kept while they were split up that was totally covered in notes and random thoughts she couldn’t say during their time apart. she gives him that copy when they get back together and it may or may not be the best gift he’s ever received.

april was much less abrasive with them during the break up because she’s a sweetheart and wants her friends to be happy.

the first time leslie admitted she was in love with him was during a long night of drinking and crying at ann’s house

ben craved the taste of sugar during their breakup because he got used to tasting the sweetness when he kissed her

ben found himself unable to sleep at night without the sound of leslie talking in her sleep to comfort him

april texted leslie the night of the halloween party to let her know that ben and andy were at the hospital after a fight and everything was fine and she didn’t need to worry. leslie was mad at andy for a few days after and he couldn’t figure out why.

the only photo in ben’s bedroom was of himself, leslie, and li’l sebastian at the harvest festival. if he got caught staring at it and crying, he would just say he missed li’l sebastian so much.

april and andy started having star wars and star trek movie nights to try and cheer ben up

DOMESTIC

ben and leslie got in the habit of having weekly game nights with april and andy during the campaign since they were all basically living together. it became a tradition that kept going as often as they could make it happen, even after the kids were born. they try to have game night at least once a month. april pretends to hate it.

one of my absolute favorite ideas about them is that she sleeps much better when he’s around to keep her grounded. after they get together for good, she starts getting closer to 5 hours of sleep a night.

another favorite involving leslie’s sleeping: ben is typically accustomed to tuning out incoherent nonsense that she babbles in her sleep but she also has some of her best ideas when she’s not busy trying to focus on a million different things. when he hears her coming up with legitimately good ideas or making speeches or having solid debate arguments, he takes out the notebook he keeps in his nightstand to record her thoughts and quotes. he revisits and revises the notes to strengthen her statements and make them more professional and less rambling but makes sure to keep her distinct voice apparent in them.

ben prefers pancakes to waffles but he will go to the grave with that secret

this isn’t a headcanon because nbc posted it but one of ben’s holidays on leslie’s calendar is watch synchronization day which is the day they celebrate syncing their watches to, as leslie puts it, “always be in harmony, like our hearts” which is just one of the sweetest fucking things in the world

leslie makes ben read and watch all the harry potters because he didn’t get into them when he first tried. ben is much more of a success than ann. she buys him a ravenclaw scarf for christmas.

their first fight as a couple was a historical debate gone awry

since ben clearly has some affinity for custom stuffed animals, he has some made for the triplets.

they’re both dog people but they adopt a cat because sonia and stephen beg for one and it does fit their busy lifestyle much better. they love the cat. they get a dog when the kids are older and life is slightly less hectic.

they both love striped shirts and sweaters so much that they have to make a conscious effort to avoid wearing them on the same day and matching

leslie makes sweets and bakes desserts while ben typically handles cooking the actual meals

BASED ON EPISODES, QUOTES, AND THROWAWAY LINES

i always loved the ann/ben dynamic in bus tour because there’s been such an obvious shift in ann’s attitude towards him in this episode. maybe it’s because she and tom just broke up and she just turned chris down again and she’s frustrated with relationships but i think it’s her realizing ben isn’t going anywhere. since the campaign is winding down, she realizes that things aren’t gonna go back to the way they were because ben is now part of this and he’s clearly in it for the long haul. ann’s definitely jealous that ben is just as important to leslie as she is and she now knows she’s never gonna get that full attention back. ann sits ben down to have a real “don’t you dare hurt her” speech after this ep and before win, lose, or draw. this is when he tells ann he wants to marry her.

they discover they both adore the princess bride after ben says “as you wish” to her one night and after that it becomes their movie.

the wildflower mural becomes a thing between them when ben says he considered that to be their first date, prompting leslie to tell him what the mural means to her.

ben puts banjo boogie bonanza on one of the mix cds he gives leslie at the beginning of their relationship

harrison ford movie nights start after they both reveal they had a crush on him as a kid. ben was obsessed with han solo and leslie was into indiana jones’ whole history teacher vibe.

they basically hate each other’s taste in music and stop exchanging mix cds once that becomes apparent that they aren’t gonna find much common ground. they both love tom petty, al green, and etta james and music in that vein though.

ben makes leslie watch game of thrones just to try to explain why he’s called her khaleesi. she gets into it, not so much because of the show itself, but because of how passionate her boyfriend is about it.

they start learning basic french during the s4 campaign because they think it will be useful to have a basic multilingual vocabulary for their political careers and because leslie confesses she has always dreamed of seeing paris. they study spanish next.

ben makes leslie watch the star wars prequels just so he can complain to her during them. he doesn’t think she’s paying attention and then he reads about midichlorians in the paper.

ann is also in on ben’s plan to sneak vegetables into leslie’s waffles.

they will sometimes jokingly refer to themselves as the “dream team” or “dynamic duo” because, despite chris’s absurdity, it’s true

i’m open to literally any origin of this because no matter what it’s perfect but i like to think that “i love you and i like you” started at some point in season 4 when, at some point, leslie went “i like you” and ben replied “you like me?” “mhm” “hm just like me?” “yes i like you. i love you and i like you. both.” “mmm i love you and i like you too”

i barely even register some of these things as headcanons since they just live so solidly in my brain

this might be my favorite ask ever thank you for loving benslie enough to ask me this and be genuinely interested

if anyone read all of this, i love you

#most of me loves you for sending this ask but i just procrastinated so much work while writing this #ben x leslie #otp: deeply ridiculously #cherubsona #mail #this is truly absurdly long no one is gonna read this

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earthingoddity · 4 years

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so you know how y’all are constantly like: “what’s there to like about season five???”. i decided to make a list *-*

1. the discussion of disability in a teenage show. how many teenage shows can you name featuring disabled characters? and how many of those feature a character becoming disabled in the course of the show and having to adapt to that? i was very surprised when i realized this was the route they were going to take this season and i think it was very well done.

so let’s break that down:

1.1 they actually made sure to talk about other disabilities. i know some people will say they were just doing the bare minimum, but i disagree. that is such a complex theme, they could’ve easily said representing other disabilities respectfully would be a lot of work for only ten episodes, but they did their best with the limited amount of time they had.

1.2 the representation of the deaf community wasn’t limited to their disability. it actually pisses me off hearing people say “wow, for a while there, i even forgot arthur was deaf!” as if he *has* to let you know everytime he’s on screen. disabled people are more than their disabilities, thank you very much.

1.3 overall, it was a positive representation. they could’ve spent so much time going through all the things that would be too hard for arthur, but they actually had an entire episode where arthur was completely deaf - he took his hearing aids off - and it was a very happy and positive episode. he was having fun, clubbing, dancing, laughing with others, and i think we took a lot of that for granted in the midst of everything that was going on, but that was a really positive representation that didn’t limit itself to stereotypes around deaf/disabled people. i actually expected that they’d drag a lot longer the feeling of loneliness and discomfort of the first couple of episodes, but they quickly changed that rhythm, so that instead of focusing on what arthur was “losing”, they focused on everything that arthur was gaining - new friends, a new love interest and a new way to see the world. also, in relation to the whole implants thing, they delivered very in depth opposite perspectives on the matter and never felt like they were shaming one group or the other.

2. SyMbOLisM! skam france is very good at it and they nailed this aspect in season three. but there was a lot of it in season five as well. like the 7am clips in episode 2, that were used to show the lack of progression in arthur’s hearing and his growing frustration and how those clips were incredibly dark, to match his mood. episode 7 also had such an interesting meaning. with arthur taking the chance to explore the world without his hearing aids, he got to explore a whole *new* world, and not a lacking one, which ties very well with what i just said about being a positive rep, but also shows that the entire episode wasn’t about arthur finding a new layer of himself, but rather him just uncovering one that was already there.

3. use of music/sound effects. it can be hard to represent deafness in a media like a tv show, but skam france did it so well. the use of music is always very conscious in this remake; while others really go hard in the soundtrack, skam france hardly ever has background music, unless it means something. another small thing but that i loved was whenever arthur was taking off/putting on his hearing aids, if he was to put the left one first for example, the sound on the left side of your headphone would start first. it was such a small thing but made the experience a lot more immersive imo, as well as the use of muffled sounds, pitching, etc.

4. Arthur. i am always surprised whenever i hear people say that they liked arthur better when they were not in his pov. i completely disagree, but then again, i feel like this fandom has very unhealthy expectations on their mains, as if they haven’t watched already 4 seasons of the main making mistakes over and over again, lol. i loved getting to know more of arthur - he’s loyal AF and protective of the people he loves. he struggles in letting people in, though, and never wants to be a burden or worry others. he’s perceptive and quick to notice when his friends need help. he is also short-tempered and when he gets mad, it is explosive, but he doesn’t hold grudges for long. he was a much more complexed character than i imagined and he totally made this season for me.

5. le gang. this boysquad is the best, sorry. they’ve always been the funniest and warmest, but it was really nice how s5 explored all the sides of that relationship, including the not so pretty ones. they were the relationship i wanted the most angst from, and i am so happy i got it. i loved seeing how chaotic, but supportive they were of arthur though and they brought so many laughs this season.

5.1 the lack of toxic masculinity. i think this ties well with arthur, because it is amazing to me that even though we were following a straight white boy as a main this season, we had no moments of unhealthy masculine competition; le gang could actually talk about other things rather than just porn stars and jerking off (other boysquads Wish!); and arthur would literally flirt with anyone without a care in the world, because he’s certain of his sexuality like that. it was *refreshing* for once not to be confronted with these tropes that have become so common in teenage shows.

7. alexia. i have to talk about alexia separately here, because that’s the most we’ve ever seen from a chris character (not counting eskam cris, ofc), and i loved her so much. she wants to be a videogame designer and she’s creative and adorable. she always knew how to make arthur laugh, but also knew when he needed words of affirmation and she was never shy in telling him how much she loved him. it was also amazing seeing her open up about some of her insecurities, and that her confidence is something she had to work on as well. she was such a great friend & girlfriend and just ugh the best.

7.1 the female characters are badass and unapologetic. i am aware that the love triangle was unnecessary and a mess. but i am not mad about the way both characters were represented, because they were both great characters. i liked alexia more simply because i was already attached to her from previous seasons, but noée was badass as well and teaches arthur so much, and not only about her experience as a deaf person, but about life/love in general.

8. arthur’s relationship with his mom. we LOVE and STAN parents in the skamverse. arthur and his mom had the best relationship ever; i loved how they truly became a team by the end of the season. but since the moment she showed up, it meant so much that arthur could have at least one supportive and loving parent, no matter how much he screwed up or felt lost. his mom was really trying her best and i adored her.

9. *actual* adult advice. i understand why all the adults in the skamverse are a bit cringey and weird, but i feel like this results in these characters relying on each other’s poor advice throughout an entire season before they realize what they actually should do. and the talk with the school’s nurse and his doctor by the end of the season was meaningful AF and i wish something the remakes would explore more often, because it could resolve so many of their issues just talking to someone who knows better, lol.

10. the relationships with the girlsquad. i know this is actually very intentional of skam france - to build a specific kind of dynamic between the main and all the side characters. we saw that in season 3, and i think it’s a lot more evident here, but it still made a lot of sense and warmed my heart so much. arthur and imane were the purest - she was the first one to notice that something was wrong with him and also reached out to give him advice on how medical school could still be a possibility even with his disability when she absolutely didn’t have to, but she’s just a sweetheart like that. arthur and daphné had a lot more tension, which is understandable, because both are protective of their own best friends (bas and alexia) and would defend them to the ends of the earth. i think they honestly have a lot more in common than they think. but my favorite dynamic was arthur and emma. i totally did not expect for emma to have such a part in this season, but every single one of their interactions was Gold. emma could see a lot of herself in arthur and i think that’s why she was so quick to notice that he wasn’t interested in becoming a surgeon at all. that scene when she says it would’ve been nice to have arthur as a brother was the sweetest thing Ever.

11. i’ll finish with the acting. y’all, the guy who plays arthur literally CARRIED this season and i hope his back is doing fine. he was So powerful - he made me cry, and laugh, and feel frustrated. he delivered every single emotion perfectly. i also think that the fact these actors are friends irl (i assume? lol but i think i’ve seen them in each other’s personal IG stories) really helps their chemistry on camera. le gang feels like a group of brothers/best friends and they were always so natural and effortless in their interactions. the new actors also Rocked and delivered so much emotion even if they were using a completely different language and it was awesome.

(also, this just literally applies to *me*, a lucas lallemant HOE, but it was so nice seeing lucas up close from a different perspective. the fact we could still see so many layers of him: his emotional self, his bratty self, his supportive self, even a touch on his abandonment issues and everything made me so happy. i think sometimes i forget the lucas character was real and not something i made up because he feels too good to be true, and it was really interesting seeing him from arthur’s POV).

i’m not here defending the mistakes they made in s5, i don’t think it’s a perfect season either, but tbh i have yet to find what i consider to be a perfect season in the skamverse, so here’s just some things i liked about this season that i feel like y’all should take into consideration as well. thx

#skam france #i am aware that no one cares bc judging is easier than listening #but i had this on my drafts for weeks now so i was like hm might as well post it #:)

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cynthiaandsamus · 3 years

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Custom Toonami Block Week 78 Rundown

Code Geass: Lelouch finally confronts Charles in the Human Instrumentality Elevator but before his laser Geass bullshit can kill him, he steals C.C.’s Code and becomes immortal. Now that Charles is at the highest Geass level, C.C. like “Oh yes Imperialist Daddy kill me cause Lelouch is too chicken to” because she wanted an out for her immortality all along. But she’s been saving Lelouch this whole time and didn’t force the Code on him like was done to her so she clearly has a soft spot for him. Also Viletta and Sayoko are having a ninja fight over Ohgi and Nia’s developing nukes or some shit. Ironically now that we finally know who C.C. is, she’s lost her own memories so her character is always incomplete. But Lelouch has busted up the Thought Elevator and Charles is stuck there so showdown postponed I guess.

Inuyasha: Naraku continues his plan to cover Sesshomaru in his goo and take him inside himself… not gonna bother rephrasing that. But he gets jumped by Inuyasha’s barrier breaking powers and absolutely wrecked by both of them once Inuyasha inadvertently saves Sesshomaru. Ironically Inuyasha’s able to stop himself being absorbed while Sesshomaru isn’t, implying he’s stronger at this point but who knows. Anyway Naraku just kinda rockets away on a poison cloud and Sesshomaru’s about to turn full doggo and chase him but the writers remember we’re never allowed to see full demon Sesshomaru again until he regains his arm and Naraku tells him “Hey yo Rin’s about to get murdered, better go take care of that instead of finishing the series now” and Sesshomaru’s out of bluffs pretending he doesn’t care. Everyone realizes if Sesshomaru catches Kohaku killing Rin or about to kill Rin he’ll straight up murder Kohaku which is exactly the level of head-fuckery Naraku wants. They stop Kohaku from killing Rin but he keeps attacking Sesshomaru and Sesshomaru’s like “Oh, you WANT to die, well tough shit buddy, I’m not in an accommodating mood today so you live mother fucker” because even he realizes Naraku wants him to murder Kohaku for some reason. It’s interesting to see him spare a human out of spite but also kind of take pity on Kohaku, his tolerance for humans is slowly but surely growing.

Yu Yu Hakusho: Well we’re on the boat to the Dark Tournament, aka the first episode of Hunter x Hunter, and the totally not Genkai Masked Man uses the move Genkai taught Yusuke to wipe out all the competition, wonder who they could be. Like even Kuwabara’s guessing it’s Genkai at this point, we have no excuse. Anyway the other demons get pissed at the loss and everyone has to murder them all to be let through, including one dude Yusuke kills while still sleeping off his training hangover. We meet two of the first team they’ll be facing and it’s standard “Grr rawr, we’ll crush you” shit from a little boy and an Buttrock Band singer. Also Keiko and Shizuru are on the way to the tournament courtesy of Botan and Yusuke’s mom is left at home for no reason despite being in the arc in the manga, we just couldn’t handle more Milf Urameshi action.

Fate Zero: This is basically a summary episode, we have Kirei/Gilgamesh and Kiritsugu summing up where we’re at right now with the war and who’s involved. Kirei doesn’t have any more ninjas so he’s out but the Grail’s like “Nuh-uh, get back in here loser” and gives him Command Seals back even though he doesn’t have a Servant to use them on. Gilgamesh is all “What if we teamed up? Haha, just kidding… unless?” And weirdly enough Kirei is kinda into the soap opera bullshit going on with Kariya trying to save Sakura and being turned into a mummy for it. He’s like “what kind of fucked up person would like seeing a man being eaten from the inside out to save a child in vain?” Gilgamesh is all “Joke’s on you, we’re into that shit”. Also Iris is dying or something so they move into Shirou’s home and Saber ironically makes the transmutation circle in the shed that Shirou will bleed on later and summon her in UBW, guess it makes more sense why Shirou lives in a bullshit dojo house now that we know it was a originally a mage base fortress to harbor his girlfriend and Stepmom’s forbidden lesbian affair.

Konosuba: We kick of Season 2 with everyone throwing Kazuma under the bus for him to go to jail and then Aqua showing her whole damn ass during her pathetic breakout attempts. Then we shift Ace Attorney/Chrono Trigger mode and get a recap of all the shit Kazuma’s done over the past season. It’s kinda funny people don’t really know how to feel about him because he is a scumbag but he’s a net positive for the community. He eventually uses his lie detector skills to clear himself but because this is a kangaroo court he get found guilty anyway. But SINCE it’s a kangaroo court Darkness is able to use her own even higher levels of royal bullshittery to void the verdict and delay the case until Kazuma can prove he’s a harmless scumbag instead of a traitor. And they lose Darkness and get all their shit taken. Like I get that’s the nature of the show and the main joke but I kinda wish we’d get more story stuff or have them thrown a bone every once in a while, not a huge fan of shows like Marrier with Children or Everybody Hates Chris where you know shit’s just gonna fall apart in the end somehow, it makes it hard to care. Like this isn’t THAT bad about it but I just wish we’d get a few more serious/wholesome moments thrown in because everything else is just a fakeout.

Sailor Moon Crystal: So we’re getting close to the end of the season here and Beryl’s here and Mamoru just kinda… watches as she fights the Sailor Guardians in an alternate dimension because apparently Ami can just do that, like aside from their signature attacks I feel like the limits on what the Sailor Guardians can and can’t do are very vague, seems to be a problem with a lot of shojo action at the time since powers are more focused on emotion and it just ends up being “I can do whatever I feel like”. Anyway they summon the Meteor Sword from Avatar and cut off Beryl’s power necklace and she just kind of… dies for some reason? Like she was a reincarnated human just like everyone else but she just kinda melts after her necklace is chopped off like she’s been alive a thousand years. But yeah, possessed Tuxedo mask has the crystal and the sword and apparently the sword is the key even though we only started hearing about it like three episodes ago. Usagi follows him to Antarctica or whatever and the Sailor Guardians just… fly there, see this is what I mean apparently they could fly the whole time and just never did? They fight the Four Kings and reawaken their memories but Metalia blasts them away in seconds which if she could do that to the people that were kicking the Sailor Guardians’ asses five seconds ago couldn’t she just do it to them too? Anyway the girls’ former boyfriends are dead and that’s sad I guess even though I don’t think we ever really established which one was dating who so idk if it matters unless they’re all one big polycule. Usagi tries her bullshit fixer beam power and it doesn’t work so her next solution is just stab everyone and sort it out later, not a bad plan honestly, she cuts down Mamoru and then herself and is like ah fuck it, the end.

Durarara!!: The Saika arc concludes and we get Anri fucking up Haruna while Shizuo pounds the whole town in the park with his new demon gloves. But basically because Anri is a little ball of dissociation and trauma more than a person she’s a perfect host for a sword that’s yandere for the whole human race, the void contains the explosion and all that shit. However now that there’s been a Saika riot but Mikado and Masaomi are scared and mobilizing the Dollars and Yellow Scarves (also oh yeah Masaomi is the leader of the Yellow Scarves but you should know that already) to fight Saika to protect Anri except Saika IS Anri and Izaya’s just having fun stirring the pot and Anri’s the only one who knows he’s behind it because turns out when you have a hundred peoples’ memories swimming in your head it kinda helps you piece shit together.

#ooc #Toonami #Custom Toonami Block #Code Geass #Inuyasha #Yu Yu Hakusho #Fate Zero #Konosuba #Sailor Moon Crystal #Durarara!!

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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Top New Horror Books in January 2021

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In the Garden of Spite by Camilla Bruce

Type: Novel Publisher: Berkley Release date: Jan. 19

Den of Geek says: This novel for fans of the line where true crime meets horror follows Belle Gunness, a real life serial killer. This looks like a darkly fascinating portrait of a wicked and deadly woman, showing how the “Widow of La Porte” clawed her way through history, leaving victims in her wake. Publisher’s summary: They whisper about her in Chicago. Men come to her with their hopes, their dreams–their fortunes. But no one sees them leave. No one sees them at all after they come to call on the Widow of La Porte.

The good people of Indiana may have their suspicions, but if those fools knew what she’d given up, what was taken from her, how she’d suffered, surely they’d understand. Belle Gunness learned a long time ago that a woman has to make her own way in this world. That’s all it is. A bloody means to an end. A glorious enterprise meant to raise her from the bleak, colorless drudgery of her childhood to the life she deserves. After all, vermin always survive.

Buy In the Garden of Spite by Camilla Bruce.

In Darkness, Shadows Breathe by Catherine Cavendish

Type: Novel Publisher: Flame Tree Press Release date: Jan. 19

Den of Geek says: Intentionally disorienting fiction can be hit or miss, but in this case it sounds like the non-linear storytelling adds to the intended feeling of a nightmare. Old-fashioned Gothic horror fans with a taste for dark fantasy might enjoy this one. Publisher’s summary: In a luxury apartment and in the walls of a modern hospital, the evil that was done continues to thrive. They are in the hands of an entity that knows no boundaries and crosses dimensions – bending and twisting time itself – and where danger waits in every shadow. The battle is on for their bodies and souls and the line between reality and nightmare is hard to define. Through it all, the words of Lydia Warren Carmody haunt them. But who was she? And why have Carol and Nessa been chosen?

The answer lies deep in the darkness…

Buy In Darkness, Shadows Breathe by Catherine Cavendish.

A Dowry of Blood by S.T. Gibson

Type: Novel Publisher: Nyx Publishing Release date: Jan. 31

Den of Geek says: Dracula retellings are common, as are takes on the famous vampire’s wives. This one sets itself apart by focusing on a relationship between the wives themselves, coloring in the classic story with what the author calls “sapphic yearning at the opera.” Publisher’s summary: Saved from the brink of death by a mysterious stranger, Constanta is transformed from a medieval peasant into a bride fit for an undying king. But when Dracula draws a cunning aristocrat and a starving artist into his web of passion and deceit, Constanta realizes that her beloved is capable of terrible things. Finding comfort in the arms of her rival consorts, she begins to unravel their husband’s dark secrets.

With the lives of everyone she loves on the line, Constanta will have to choose between her own freedom and her love for her husband. But bonds forged by blood can only be broken by death.

Buy A Dowry of Blood by S.T. Gibson.

Subscribe to Den of Geek magazine for FREE right here!

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mysterylover123 · 4 years

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My Top 10 Christmas Episodes

mysterylover123

Everyone has a favorite Christmas Episode. That time of year from your favorite shows where the characters celebrate the holidays along with you, usually accompanied by big changes in their lives, gaudy decorations, and creative traditions. I’ve included my top 10 here, along with some honorable mentions. I’ve excluded Christmases I liked from book/film/comic book series, thought I think in 2 years time there will be a grand new edition to the list (aka My Hero Academia). Hope you all like them and have a Merry Christmas!

#10. Futurama “Xmas Story” Airdate: 12/19/1999

I don’t broadcast it much, but I love classic Futurama. This little gem of a Christmas episode - sorry, X-mas episode - is a common staple of “Best Christmas Episode” lists, and for good reason. It’s one of those “dark” Christmas stories, featuring a murderous Santa Claus robot, Fry dealing with being 1000 years in the future where his old traditions have died, and some good bonding moments among the cast of Planet Express. I particularly like the “gift of the Magi” joke with Amy and Hermes, and the Harold Lloyd reference with Fry on the clock tower.

#9. X-Men Evolution “On Angel’s Wings” Airdate: 12/15/2001

X-Men Evolution is a nostalgic favorite of mine - my introduction to the X-men in high school, the first show I ever read fanfiction for, etc. It’s Christmas episode has a very warm feeling to it, a rare dip into sentimentality for the show. It deals with Scott and Rogue going to recruit Angel for the X-Men while the others are home for the holidays, and clashing with Magneto in their attempts to do so. I’m always down for an episode focused on Rogue, and her bond with Scott over being the X-Men without families to go home to is great. The little montage that ends the episode always puts a smile on my face.

#8. The Simpsons “Holidays of Future Passed” Airdate: 12/11/2011

I heard this one was thought of as a potential series finale for The Simpsons, as a bit of closure for their premiere (another christmas Episode, “Simpsons Roasting on an Open fire”, which I like but find a little too ‘early Simpsons’ to make the list.). Honestly, I wish it had been. Modern Simpsons is generally such a mess, it would’ve been nice to see it get such a dignified end in Season 23. This one is a great little trip to the future of the family, and it really feels like a nice vision of what could become of them somewhere down the line. I like that this one gives Homer a chance to be a good grandad, and a bonding moment between Lisa and Bart. I hope this is where they really do end up.

#7. Frasier “Frasier Grinch” Airdate: 12/19/1995

Frasier is the only show that ended up landing 2 Christmas episodes in my Top 10. And I felt I still had to cut a few of them that could’ve made the list easily. This series really had a knack for the Christmas episode. My 2nd favorite, obviously, is this little offering from Season 3, which deals with Frasier trying to get Freddy gifts in time for the holiday when the ones he ordered got misdirected. It ends up touching on an aspect of the holidays I wish would get covered a little more often: when you buy others Christmas gifts, are you getting them what they actually want, or just what you think they should want? Overbearing Frasier has made this blunder, and the episode helps him learn that lesson. Though as usual Niles steals the show. Niles in a toy store trying out a doofy hat is more than worth the #7 spot.

#6. Friends “The One with the Christmas in Tulsa” Airdate: 12/12/2002

Friends has a lot of Christmastime episodes, but most of them are just kinda coincidentally set around the holidays. Only a few stand out as actual “Christmas Episodes”. While I enjoy “Holiday Armadillo”’s comedy and “Creepy Holiday card”’s sentimentality, my standout favorite is this one, the last Christmas episode they did, perhaps because Chandler and Monica are my favorites on the show and their romance is the OTP. This one deals with Chandler away from home, working on Christmas at a job he hates and being separated from Monica. Through some clips and a bit of soul searching, he decides to finally quit the job he hates and pursue something he wants to do. It’s a great example of how to do a clip show/Christmas episode well, move characters forward, and remind us of why we love these two together.

#5. Buffy “Amends” Airdate: 12/15/1998

This one would probably be higher if there wasn’t so much Bangel melodrama in the last 10 minutes (sorry fans, I really hate Bangel). But the rest of it is more than good enough to put Buffy’s sole Christmas episode at #5 for me. What I love the most about this one is, well, the ‘amends’ of the title. Xander starts making up for 3 seasons of douchebaggery by being a good friend. Willow makes up with Oz. Buffy makes up with Faith. That latter one puts the biggest smile on my face of the bunch; it’s bittersweet, given what happens, but when Faith shows up on Buffy’s doorstep with presents for her and Joyce, my small Grinch heart grows three sizes each time. Definitely a must-watch.

#4. Parks and Recreation “Christmas Scandal” Airdate: 12/10/2009

Parks and Rec has 3 Christmas episodes and they’re all pretty good. I debated between this one and “Ron and Diane”, but since that one is more about Ron’s award ceremony, I decided to go with Season 2′s. This one is a very “Parks and Rec” kinda Christmas, dealing with Leslie getting involved in a dumb sex scandal, the Parks department putting on a “Winter wonderland” on Lot 48, some dating drama about Ann and Leslie and their boyfriends (At this point, since Ben and Chris weren’t around yet, Mark and Dave), and a very cute hug between a pre-marriage April and Andy. The biggest win in this one is the sheer Christmas atmosphere. It practically glows off the screen.

#3. How I Met Your Mother “False Positive” Airdate: 12/13/2010

HIMYM is another one with a lot of candidates, but “False Positive” really stands out to me as something special. It’s essentially an “It’s a wonderful life”-style story (as they’re going to see the movie) where Lily’s false positive pregnancy test inspires the friend group to each choose the more responsible path in life of their two choices, only to chicken out when the false part of the title is revealed. The way the episode ends is absolutely spectacular, a standout moment to me among the series’ many strong character moments, and leads to strong development for all around going forward. Definitely a highlight of HIMYM’s 6th season, and an episode full of Christmas imagery, soul-searching, and classic plotlines.

#2. Frasier “The Fight Before Christmas” Airdate: 12/16/1999

My favorite Frasier Christmas episode feels like it combines a little bit of everything that makes the other ones good: a KACL office Christmas party with a whacky theme (we finally see it instead of having it going on in the background!), Frasier being pompous about Christmas celebrations and ending up karmically punished for it, a comedic scenario which crafts a comedy of errors, Martin’s decorating. In many ways though, the highlight of this one is how deftly it handles the romance reveal from the previous episode between Niles and Daphne. in the midst of all the crappy Christmas rom coms, it’s easy to forget how strong a good Christmas set romance can be, and the moment of tension as Daphne tries to reject Niles but just can’t quite do it is a standout for me. Definitely my favorite of Frasier’s 8 xmas episodes.

Hon. Mentions: Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire, Batman Christmas with the Joker and Holiday Knights, Frasier Perspectives on Christmas, Parks and Rec Ron and Diane, HIMYM How Lily Stole Christmas.

#1. Smallville “Lexmas” Airdate: 12/8/2005

This one isn’t just a Christmas episode. It’s pretty much the Ultimate Christmas episode. Where to begin? A fancy Christmas party jam-packed with colorful decor. Superman - Clark - delivering presents as Santa for the Daily Planet. Clark talking/saving a depressed mall Santa (or is he real?) from committing suicide with an emotional heart to heart. Sweet family Christmas celebrations (right before tragedy strike in the next episode). But of course, the real highlight of this one is Lex’s Alternate Reality fantasy. After getting shot, the titular Luthor has a vision of what his life could be like if he did the right thing, essentially an “It’s a Wonderful Life” style alternate reality. However, that reality ends in tragedy, and the tragic twist of the episode is that instead of leading the Grinch’s heart to grow, the Christmas dream only serves to help solidify Luthor’s fall to the dark side. It is certainly juxtaposed with enough holiday magic and hope to offset that depressing ending, but I will admit to liking a bit of subversion in my stories now and then. Everything Christmas episodes could have is jam-packed into this episode.

#futurama #smallville #x-men evolution #the simpsons #frasier #friends #Buffy The Vampire Slayer #how i met your mother #Parks and Recreation #xmas story #on angel's wings #holidays of future passed #frasier grinch #the one with the christmas in tulsa #amends #christmas scandal #false positive #the fight before christmas #lexmas

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daikenkki · 4 years

Conversation

MrDonald09: Since Series 22, what new change has annoyed you the MOST??

tttedrawings: Fantasy sequences and the intro/life lessons outro, they just make the episodes shorter, and most of the time aren't really needed at all.

MrDonald09: Ah yes unfortunately you can only have 4 options on Twitter polls, I’m sure the list would be huge if you could have more.

MasonDey1: To me the whole concept of the Steam Team is just pointless.

MrDonald09: Yeah it limits the characters that are used most of the time.

PSideplates: I voted for bouncing since it's closest to the general "kids show" tone that BWBA takes on. It really is like watching a show you put on for your 3 year old so you can leave the room in peace. It hurts to watch. If we were getting the Brenner era where the engines bounced, had ugly details, went worldwide, and got Nia and Rebecca, I'd be miffed but accept it. But BWBA just claims to be TTTE and acts like a generic preschool show. And I don't wanna be in a position where I'm an adult watching a preschool show.

MrDonald09: Agreed. I feel proud to be a fan when I watch classic era and Brenner era, but if it was like BWBA throughout the whole show I can tell you I would not be supporting it now.

TCKRangeltoon: I blame Chuggington.

PSideplates: I don't. Chuggington ended before they came up with BWBA. If anything, Chuggington made the market for train toys/shows competitive which forced HiT to make good Thomas products, well toys anyway.

ronniethe14xx: Honestly, disagree with the point it's the most general kids show tone. Travelling seems to be the new hip and cool thing to do in kids shows, I'd argue that makes it slightly worse then the bouncing because it's clear Thomas only jumped on that trend to be "hip".

JovanniChavez11: Faster pace and Thomas losing his identity. I don’t mind Thomas going on a trip but that wasn’t the way to handle it.

MrDonald09: Yes. IMO it should have stopped after the BWBA special, I think it should have only been a special.

Bostonthomasfan: Don’t really mind the bouncing but it can be over done at times. For around the world? I wish there were more episodes on Sodor and less around the world. Like 18-8 would be good.

MikeArc31375512: The bouncing. Loathe it with a passion.

ThomasTVNostal1: The thing I hate is constant arguing over opinions.Some people have been told to fuck themselves for disliking an episode of BWBA that the majority of the fandom likes and vice versa. This is unacceptable. As a fandom, we're a team and we help each other out.

ChillerB3: The forced feminism with Nia, Rebecca and the newer Steam Team really rubbed me the wrong way, more than hyper bouncing and worldwide shit did.

MrDonald09: Same, especially how the majority of the audience really doesn’t care about that, having more females, great! but don’t mess with many people’s childhood to make SJWs and toxic feminists happy cuz I guarantee you the people who wanted this change probably don’t even like the show.

ryanburges4472: I didn't read properly and the real thing since Series 22 that has annoyed me the most is the bouncing. I've been more bothered about the steam team without Henry (Just Henry). I'm happy with Edward sleeping at Wellsworth.

MrDonald09: Yeah, I completely agree honestly i’m not mad that Edward isn’t in the Steam Team anymore. It's Henry that annoys me the most.

ryanburges4472: I know! Gordon and James sleeping at Tidmouth without Henry. Edward is best at Wellsworth because he has a branch line which stars from Wellsworth.

CoolCar161: Henry and Edward stopped appearing as much anyway. They haven’t been good characters since series 4, even in the Brenner era they had little to no appearances due to writer's block. Rivets is a nice little detail that makes them seem more real, Thomas always wanted to see the world and the bouncing is hardly that bad.

TheBlueE21: Thomas' world tour. It's so inconsistent. Doesn't tie into the movie that hyped it up, never explains why or for how long Thomas is in each country, 1 ep he's in China, then Brazil etc then Sodor eps act as though he never left due to always being there. Plus most sets aren't great.

halfbakedhex8: For the record, I voted the 'rivets' option because the inclusion of the new detailing runs so counter to what the show is now, that trying to inflict reality onto the now-very-unreal engines feels very confused as to what the show is trying to achieve.

BluebellThEngin: The "bouncing" doesn't bother me much at first, but as time went on, it starts to get a little out of control and it kinda bugs me. I don't have a problem with the added details like the rivets, but they do look a little too big. Shrink them in size and they'll be okay. I'm mixed on Thomas travelling around the world if I'm being honest. The new Steam Team is what bugs me the most out of all of these options. I never liked it to begin with (minus my child self). It makes the other characters look useless. What I love about the Classic Series is we got lots of stories about almost each and every single one of them it makes the series interesting. But with the Steam Team, not only does it focus on the main characters so much, but it also brings them out of character. Especially if it's for the sake of the plots.

fan_ttte: The New Steam Team with Nia and Rebecca is what I don’t like most. I don’t mind the bouncing or rivets, Thomas going worldwide is okay. I don't know, I just feel like it would’ve been better if Nia and Rebecca did join, but also keep the others, for some interesting interactions and episodes.

islandofodor: If Thomas hadn’t gone worldwide, we’d probably still be in the Brenner era. Granted, it’d still be a slight step down but the international episodes barely take advantage of the different setting and opt to use generic plotlines that we’ve already seen on Sodor.

thesaddletank18: Bouncing, rivets and worldwide idea are bad but the new Steam Team is just....why was this done to the show?

Jacob34335638: I liked the new details, I’m mixed on the New Steam Team, and Thomas travelling the world. But the bouncing is what pisses me off the most, it literally makes the show look like Chuggington. The bouncing was at it’s worst in Journey Beyond Sodor and Thomas’ Magical Birthday Wishes.

TWR_Douglas_10: ALL OF THE ABOVE!!!!!!!

DFox1203: Is everything an option?

TheWinnerGuyCJP: Voted worldwide cuz it makes Thomas completely out of character.

SoupyGunzilla: I think a lot of the stories suffer from the shorter time. A lot of them could be better if they had more time.

kofi_milky: The bouncing, more sing alongs, replacing Edward and Henry with Nia and Rebecca. Even Thomas going worldwide. When the Rev. W. Awdry said "Here is your friend Thomas the Tank Engine. He wanted to come out of his station yard and see the world", the world that's he meant is Sodor.

sodordaily: Choosing New Steam Team because I miss the old SO MUCH!

peter_sam_no4: I think for me the bouncing as it’s so unrealistic . A 1 ton lump of metal can not swing all over the place like it has no weight.

Growlithemaste1: I hate the bouncing the most, but the rest are all useless too.

sixteen_dnw: Worst is the New Steam Team, then worldwide, then rivets, and then bouncing. TBH it doesn’t bother me too much.

BearsFlush: It annoys me that Thomas travels the world, as they remove chapters that might be focus on Sodor, and the locations and some engines are not represented correctly on the railroad.

VacentTest: I’m fine with the New Steam Team changing Edward and Henry out for Nia and Rebecca, I’ve always supported it in the beginning because increased feminism is good. Thomas going worldwide, that didn’t annoy me cause I was interested in that, the rivets is minor and nothing to worry about. But the bouncing, annoyed me the most at first but I’m used to it.

SnatchyBoi: The bouncing and the New Steam Team.

GWREngine: The New Steam Team is the most annoying change. It feels like Mattel doesn't care how special Edward, Henry, and Toby are. Plus we don't need to have more than 1 female main character. Emily being the only girl used to make her special. With Nia and Rebecca around, she isn't special anymore.

TurnTable2002: Chris Renshaw's music really annoys me.

MichaelfromNZ1: Bouncing, worldwide and New Steam Team. They represent how far Thomas has fallen since Mattel fully took over.

ArmchairRailway: New Steam Team.

TI4MGP: This is probably the hardest time I’ve had deciding on one of your polls lol. I went with the Steam Team though, but bouncing comes in a REALLY REALLY close second. The other two are less but equal with each other.

jack_bench: TBH, I'm fine with all of them? But I chose bouncing because the rivets are neat, world-tour - while it makes no sense - has a valuable goal (and is kinda fun), and the Steam Team really needed more female representation which we got with two positive role models in Nia and Rebecca. Bouncing is unnecessary, but not horrendous.

Holycro1Michael: Everything!

JosefSnowBall: Rivets was something I actually liked seeing on some engines. Bouncing is something I’m OK with, it’s kind of grown on me. New Steam Team sucks because it gets rid of the 2 best engines, Edward and Henry, and Thomas worldwide sounded like a bad idea to begin with.

TheThomasFan: Probably Thomas going worldwide . The animation is shit and it’s all just recoloured.

TheUnluckyTug: The new Steam Team. I think I'd be a little more accepting of BWBA if Edward and Henry weren't so transparently and obviously thrown to the side and treated as if they don't exist. It was like the biggest "fuck you" to fans ever.

MrDonald09: Yeah, not to mention Nia and Rebecca have such generic personalities they can barely hold a unique episode nowadays. I can understand Edward staying at Wellsworth but they did Henry DIRTY by slapping him at Vicarstown so he can focus on his Mainland duties yet not do any episode focused on this new job.

SteamEn83954980: Ok so ignoring Emily, it was a perfect 1-7 number of characters and now it's just 1, 18, 22, 4, 5, 6 and 12. Like I know it's minor but that fact gets under my skin.

DBlue02: I voted for the bouncing, but yeah, I kinda have to agree with Simon Martin’s opinion on the Steam Team concept, it’s long since overstayed its welcome. I’d prefer a nice balance of the main and side characters getting their share of the spotlight, like in the classic seasons.

TFan512: What if Edward, Henry, Nia and Rebecca were all part of the main cast.

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ultraericthered · 4 years

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Anime Update 36

CLANNAD After Story - Didn’t get to watch it this week, as the server for the site I watch it on went down when I tried to. But that might be for the best since I still need to recover from watching Nagisa die, so taking a break from it for a week works out for me.

Dragon Ball - The episode this week was actually largely focused more on the bad guys than on the good guys, as a cowardly attempt to kill Goku and Officer Black by Commander Red backfired when not only did they both survive, but Black catches him ranting about how he’ll use the Dragon Balls to wish for a height increase. Black is a character I always appreciated for being easily more level headed and formidable than his boss, so it’s regrettable that this tends to be lost behind his racial caricature of a design and his servile position to Red. In fact, Red’s whole tirade at him about how he basically exists to be his slave carried some very uncomfortable racist undertones, which made it extra satisfying to see Black put a bullet in his boss’ head in response. It’s kind of funny how after all the build-up to Goku facing Red that was done episodes ago, Goku never even met the guy ‘cause Black did away with him and took his place for the final showdown. But Red was never very interesting, so it’s no big loss to see him offed in an undignified manner by a significantly cooler baddie. But one thing FUNimation’s dub delivered on would be the voice acting for Red and Black, which I think elevated the characters beyond what they were in the original. While the Irish accent that Josh Martin used for Red was kind of odd, his delivery and the quality of his voice really worked for the character. And Chris Sabat as Black could’ve easily just been another Chris Sabat role since it’s still so recognizably him, but just by doing a slight James Earl Jones impression, he really makes the performance stand out. Last thing worth mentioning? Colonel Violet being a boss ass bitch who just robs the shit out of Red and takes off. Gotta love her for that. I hope she and Colonel Silver meet up and get to live together in peace!

Love Live Sunshine! - I can now fully see how much this show was deriving from it’s predecessor early in, and understand the criticism it got for it. Episode 3 once again features the leading second year trio performing before a small crowd, Episode 4 once again focuses on first years going the group, and Episode 5 is going to be our proper intro to the “evil” character, Yohane, just like the first series’ Episode 5 was for Nico. This is definitely familiar ground being tread here. But in spite of this, the series does it’s own spin on these setups in order to make them feel fresh and engaging. The girls find their group name, Aqours, written on a beach at this point rather than getting it from a paper slip in a box in Episode 2. When the second years perform in a gymnasium filled with only a few spectators, they don’t let it discourage them any until a much bigger problem - the power going out - occurs, but they try to keep singing anyway even through their sadness until the lights come back on and Chika’s big sister packs the room with a ton more people who came later ‘cause Chika got the start time wrong. And while Ruby is sort of like a mash-up of both Hanayo and Maki, and Hanamaru is like Rin (as the episode itself drew attention to), they are both far more interesting characters from the offset. I was way more engaged in their characters, their desires, and their relationship than I was with the first years of u;s, and I loved how they both ended up with the resolve to be school idols in Aqours together. And then there’s Mari Ohara, who in only mere minutes of screen time made her character so funny, so charming and likable, and so intriguing. She’s simultaneously someone you’d enjoy hanging out with, someone who’d drive you up the wall, and someone who you’d trust as far as you could throw. And while I question FUNimation going with a literal-minded translation of the Engrish “It’s joke!” phrase, Jamie Marchi’s voice acting is so on point that I easily overlook it. I’m very much looking forward to seeing how they pay off the foreshadowing of her and Kanan’s relationship.

My-HIME - I just straight up forgot most of this episode soon after I’d seen it. Most of it was set-up based on what the last episode sprung on us, and the whole first act of the episode was intercut with flashbacks to stuff Nagi told the HIMEs after the end of last episode. Why we didn’t just see this playing out in the present time I don’t know. Akira totally didn’t kill or even seriously harm Takumi for discovering her true gender either, so that cliffhanger was a cop-out. I’m pretty sure the most interesting bit was that there are still at least two HIMEs we’re unaware of, and while we can easily guess who most of the girls’ most precious people are, it’s anyone’s guess who that could possibly be for Nao. Oh, and the most disturbing part was that Wataru fucking drugged Yukariko’s tea and is prepared to do who knows what to her now...God, must I be made squeamish every time those two characters are on screen? And finally...the Obsidian Prince? Who the fuck is THAT now? Does he have something to do with the HIME star that’s threatening the planet unless the last HIME standing can fight back and vanquish it? Curiouser and curiouser...

Assassination Classroom - This is the new two season series I’ve started on to replace Ace Attorney. It’s a Seiji Kishi show, meaning it’s got a high school setting, loads of weird and wacky characters, and a totally out there premise. In fact, the premise and just how committed to keeping true to it the series ends up being is the one thing I was aware of about this going into it. I’m kind of on the fence about whether or not I agreed with the presentation of this premiere episode, with us getting thrown into the class already being taught by Korosensei and how the whole mess started getting shown to us via flashbacks in bits and pieces throughout the first act, but the idea behind a strange, unstoppable, nigh-unkillable, octopus looking alien being who destroyed half the moon and threatens to destroy Earth wanting to teach a high school class to become assassins so that these kids can learn to kill and thus have a fair shot at killing him to save the world, and the government just agreeing to let him do that, and the students just coming around to accepting that as their new normal, was just so absurd and done in such a silly fashion that I just had to love it. There’s a lot of characters here that will need to be distinguished and developed, but aside from the bullies and the Sayaka Maizono soundalike, the ones who stood out here were the series’ leads: Nagisa Shiota (whom I will be referring to as “Nagisa S.” rather than “Male Nagisa”) and of course, Korosensei, the great teacher himself who is already the best character. When I see this character with his goofy design and dopey face with the enormous grin, but also know how dangerous he is and how he’s essentially holding this class hostage in order to force his assassination teachings on these kids, I keep on thinking “You’re gonna be like Monokuma, you’re gonna be like Monokuma”. But he isn’t, he’s not ever going to be, and I love how Sonny Strait does his Maes Hughes voice for him to really emphasize his genuine kindness even now when his morality is dubious at best. The last thing to stand out to me was the ED credits song. I’m reminded of Star Driver’s first ED credits (both songs even have “shooting star” as a major phrase!) in that it’s feel-good vibe and catchy melody captivate me, as if to let me know that I’m gonna be in good hands with this series. Or perhaps the good hands I’ve been left in...was tentacles all along.

Nadja of Tomorrow - So within minutes of this episode’s run time, Bandit Keith broke out of his cell, donned his disguise again, went back to the exact same room he was in when Herman caught him, got cornered by Herman again...but he escapes with the brooch this time. If I didn’t know for certain that Herman knowing the Black Rose’s face behind the mask wasn’t crucial for a later point in the story, I’d be left questioning what the point of this unpleasant detour was. Speaking of Keith, the writing, or perhaps just the animation, with him was just confounding here - after knocking out Bianco he immediate regains his Black Rose costume. Was that there with him in the cell? I didn’t see it, and why would it be? Then we see him riding on his horse trying to locate Nadja so he can return the brooch, but then when he actually reaches Nadja, he’s the Black Rose again! And then in the immediate next scene with him and Nadja outside, he’s his normal self again! I don’t know what happened here but it was super distracting. But Keith wasn’t this episode’s MVP anyway - that honor goes to both Harvey and Rosemary. This is the episode I remembered Harvey for, ‘cause seeing his funny interactions with the Troupe and how on top of printing the story of Nadja’s stolen brooch he was made his ultimate failure to have that story reach the public all the more crushing. And this is where Rosemary really starts to show what an unprecedented master manipulator she is. When Herman's frozen up by the reporters asking about the missing brooch, Rosemary took the initiative to prove her point to Herman - that if a single lie is firmly in place, then you can freely speak the truth and use it as an asset to advance your scheme. Blabbing the truth that the Black Rose “stole” the brooch from her, all while still posing as Nadja, derailed Harvey’s progress, snatching defeat from the jaws of victory for the good guys. And she’s just getting started.

Mobile Fighter G Gundam - To summarize, Allenby’s still on the show, Michelo banded together previous opponents (the giant, the clown, and even the green skinned snake man) to fuck with the Shuffle Alliance, Neo Spain’s fighter Carlos got horribly injured because he dared to defy these villains (I really liked him in the short time he was on screen, so this actually really hurt!), Domon had a meeting with Minister Wong, there was another “it’s Schwarz Bruder!” moment, Domon had his rematch with Michelo, Michelo is a zombie and commands one of the mysterious Gundams that attacked Domon on his way to Neo Hong Kong, and the Dark Gundam was rebuilt and transferred to Wong, who plots to use it as means to secure his dominance of all outer space. That’s...certainly a thing now. Wong is just such a great antagonist who exudes this sleazy but deliciously diabolical presence. He reminds me a lot of Maximilian Pegasus from “Yu-Gi-Oh!” in how he seems like a fun, charming dude but happens to be absurdly corrupt and utterly wicked. Aside from him, the thing that stuck with me most about this one is how Michelo’s new attack was “Spectral Beam Kick”, but I remember watching this years ago and mishearing it as “Special Beam Cannon!” I mean, Michelo? Piccolo? The names are similar!

Future Diary - Definitely an improvement over the last two episodes, but once again, at around the mid-point of Part 2, the story went off the rails and became an exercise in bogus, illogical writing. Yuno accidentally KO’ing Yuki’s mom just made me laugh, as it reminded me of a stupid plot turn from a bad horror film. But it’s what happened after that really derailed the narrative - Yuno does some completely unforshadowed, unexplained meditation thing to get into Reisuke’s head and figure out where he hid his diary, she finds that the store Reisuke was at earlier has it’s own delivery system(?) so Reisuke put in a package addressed to himself for the store to deliver back to the Amano home address, and it turns out that not only was the diary inside, but poison gas...that doesn’t effect the suddenly absent mailman, doesn’t effect Yuno even when she breathes it in, and only seems to effect Yuki enough to render him unconscious immediately yet Yuno still has strength enough to take him upstairs while the gas is still in the house...THIS MADE NO SENSE! The little hide and seek game that followed was fun, but far too late to save this affair from it’s own stupidity. Maybe Esuno should’ve just not set this at the Amano house? However, there was more to enjoy than to not enjoy here. All the stuff with Yuki and Yuno and their interactions, I just adored. Josh Grelle’s voice acting for Yuki in the dub REALLY saved his material here, as he made Yuki’s terrible day with Yuno and his mom hilarious even when it should’ve just been uncomfortable and obnoxious. There was no Kurusu this time, and Minene stayed out of the action ‘til the very end, beforehand just completing her new look and having a laugh to herself about the idea of Yuki having to put down a literal child. Speaking of, Reisuke was a delight in how he actually got that balance of silly and creepy that both Sixth and Twelth before him couldn’t attain - this is both the second time I’ve heard Lindsey Siedel voice a boy and the second time I’ve heard her voice a psycho, and as expected, she nailed it. And it almost goes without saying that Mur Mur continues to amuse with her omakes.

Carole & Tuesday - Still enjoying this show in it’s solid first half. We got scammer robots, catchy songs, Carole and Tuesday continuing to be adorable together, Roddy being the buttmonkey, Tuesday’s big brother seeing her perform and choosing to walk out and hold his silence on her whereabouts, and a tragically ill-fated first concert for the lead duo that turned into a triumph when they met a celebrity. Angela, her mother, and Tao were only in the middle episode of the three, still no closer to engaging with the main story than before.

AND

No Matter How I Look At It, It’s You Guys Fault I’m Not Popular -

I’ve been semi-familiar with this anime for a long time now and know all about the main character, Tomoko Kuroki, but now I watch the first episode and I think Excel Saga’s first episode had more of a plot! Seriously, the episode was just several excruciating minutes of watching a horrible human being struggle with her lack of popularity in high school via delusions, talks, makeovers, seeking new hangout spots, or whatever else her twisted little mind could come up with, and it ends abruptly with the main character as miserable as ever. ....But it was excruciating in all the best ways, Tomoko’s horrible in all the best ways (ways that make her disturbingly relatable), and I quite enjoyed what I watched in spite of it’s dreary, unforgiving atmosphere and disconnected incidents. It reminded me very much of something that Jhonen Vasquez would make in manga/anime format, right down to insane opening and ending sequences and even a scene that was shot for shot a reference to the Death Note anime. The dub voice acting was also great, namely Monica Rial as Tomoko and David Matranga (this is like the third or fourth time I’ve heard this guy in an anime role!) as her brother Tomoki, who make their characters and material so hilarious. So I certainly wouldn’t mind seeing more of this.

#Anime Update

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spaceorphan18 · 5 years

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TDB Rewatch: The New York Arc

I was originally going to do a post for each episode - but you know what? I think I’ve talked about this particular part of the series more than any other part - and even though it’s been seven weeks since I’ve even seen an episode of Glee (!!) - I’m not entirely sure I have anything new to say about these episodes, so here we go with one big post for you.

New New York

Is this still the best episode of the series? Yes - I think it is. The entire episode is completely watchable, the music is great, the Klaine stuff is great, everyone gets something interesting to do, Rachel is interesting again, Mercedes re-joins the cast, and even Artie has some funny lines. This episode almost feels like a pilot of a spin-off series, and I’m a little sad we didn’t get to see more than this arc, because these characters still seem fresh and interesting - and this episode is clearly all setting up the status quo for living in New York.

I’ve seen the episode so many times now that this one flew by, and while I’m always here for the amazing Klaine stuff - the nice thing is that watching the episode as a whole, I’m not bored with any of it. I have no new meta to add to the piles of things I’ve already written and said on the podcast, but I’m glad this episode remains enjoyable even after a million rewatches.

Btw - I still say they should have asked Adam Lambert to be a regular - he adds so much and I’m sad that this is his last appearance on the show.

Also - I can tell it’s been a while since I’ve watched the show - Chris and Darren are really pretty. Just thought I should remind you ;)

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Bash

So, while Opening Night might be my least favorite of the bunch, but I think as an episode Bash might be the weakest? And actually - I think it might have been better if the Kurt being bashed story line was a) more prominently in the episode or b) not in it at all. It feels like it’s almost an after thought to Rachel’s (absurd) story - and there’s such a rich story with Kurt (and Blaine) that feels wholly untapped because it’s more about Rachel Berry and her feelings. :P I do like the little bits of it that we did get, Kurt and Blaine are superb as they are in all of these episodes. And I mean - it’s nice that Rachel gets yelled at twice for being a moron - even if the whole thing doesn’t hold together very well.

Meanwhile, I’m not sure how much I have to say about Sam and Mercedes - I enjoy them as a couple, though I can’t say that I’m riveted by their story line. It is nice, though that Amber Riley gets a chance to shine since she’s been away from the show for so long. I think the awkwardest thing about this episode, (besides Sam’s impressions) is the fact that that the two story lines don’t mesh well, and it feels like the episode starts off as one thing then pivots and does something else entirely in the second half.

That said - the music is great, as always, everyone sounds really beautiful on all the Soundheim things. And while I didn’t need two Mercedes solos - she is lovely as always.

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Tested

Who knew Artie having an STD would be such a fun episode. Honestly, I think this is the best episode the show does about sex. Yes, even over The First Time (even if I like TFT just a smidge more). Each of the characters are in a unique situation, and come at sex in a different way - and it’s actually pretty cool the way the show handles it. They’re not usually great with these kind of topics, but I really have no complaints about how they handled anything in this episode. I especially like the fact that a) Mercedes gets to choose how she wants to deal with sex and b) they let Mercedes and Rachel be actual girl friends when it comes to a topic - again something the show doesn’t always handle the best. Yes, for all the sex positive conversations in this episode.

Also, the ‘I’m slut shaming you’ scene might be one of the funniest things the show ever did.

The only one weighing this one down, and why it isn’t passing NNY by on my favorites list - is that the music just isn’t good. I mean, all the songs fit the episode fine, and the performances are great, I just don’t like any of the songs.

Also - Kurt is super extra in this episode - which really reinforces my headcanon that Kurt not getting regular sexy times is super grumpy.

Anyway, I give kudos to the show for doing an episode that has some actual layers to it in all of its plot lines. Usually, Glee’s pretty anivilish about everything, but there’s some actual nuance in this story - good job show. It’s nice to be not spoon fed everything all the time.

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Opening Night

Well... This remains the worst of the NYC Arc - and really, only because the stupid and a bit convoluted Sue plot. Rachel’s arc is a bit silly too (really - I roll my eyes at the whole ‘oh no NYT reporter’ bit, especially when the dude just waxes praise on her like everyone else on the show) - but are some legitimately entertaining things going on during the Rachel side of things. And I dare say the episode is a little underrated? There are some good jokes and nice music, and it is exactly what you’d expect from Rachel’s first night (even if I still think Funny Girl should have been placed at the end of the show) and Rachel has been rather held back and used well during the NYC Arc so I don’t mind her spot light here.

But man, the Sue stuff is tedious. I kind of forget Will is apart of it (and did logic take some time off again? Because the Emma having a baby thing is... let’s not get into it). Sue actually has already arrived at her season 6 self - and even some of the early sequences with her kids aren’t bad, but there are really two scenes that drag this entire episode way, way down -- the date with Mario the restaurant guy, and the last five minutes with Mario the restaurant guy. Oh my god - why is this the only thing they could think of to do with Sue? I mean - everything about this plot line screams contractual obligation - needing to give Jane Lynch one episode during this 7. But could they really not think of anything more interesting for her to do?? DId she really need a date so she and Rachel could sing that song together?? Ug - it is really frustrating that this takes up a third of the episode. What a waste.

But, I mean, as a whole, it’s not terrible in the way the worst of Glee is - and really, everything on the Rachel side (mostly) works for me. It’s a good thing all that Sue/Mario stuff is pretty easily skipped.

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The Back-Up Plan

Hey! Another solid episode! It’s weird - the focusing only three story line lets the episode breathe - a lot - to the point it seems strange, lol. But anyway...

First there’s Rachel’s story - which I know people were annoyed that Rachel bails a month into Funny Girl, but idk - this seems like Rachel. And this is the one and really only time she faces serious consequences for her actions. It’s refreshing really. Also - Jim Rash is a delight, and that audition scene is priceless.

Meanwhile - Mercedes and Santana have a great story that I kind of wish there was more of. Santana’s been gone for most of the arc so far, but I don’t mind her coming back - she’s rather civil and low key during these last few episodes, and it’s a bit refreshing, honestly. Anyway - I like that pop business is treated with a little more realism than Broadway, as D’Shawn (Mercedes’s producer) seems to tell it like is. But more so, I feel like there’s a genuine friendship between Mercedes and Santana and that’s pretty refreshing, too.

And then there’s the June story line. You know what? I really do not like June. Sorry. And I find it a little creepy she wants to mold Blaine into something of her own making. I’m also... not sure what the purpose of this entire story was? Ah well... At least we get some really lovely Klaine moments out of the whole thing.

Bonus - the music in this episode is all pretty solid.

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Old Dog, New Tricks

You guys ever notice Artie’s eating dog biscuits in this? Weird things you notice when you watch the whole episode. Anyway...

Hey - it’s that episode that Chris wrote. And yeah, it’s a little awkward - in a - you can tell this is a new writer for TV kinda way not in a - this sucks kind of way. I really wish Chris had stuck with TV writing, I think he showed some real promise, and writing for other shows would have been great experience. Ah well. It all just makes me miss Chris actually doing things that are not related to middle school fantasy novels.

So, for the record, if you guys ever wonder who Chris is, seemingly, frustrated with? Watch this episode - and how he writes Rachel. She’s been almost acting human in the rest of this arc, and in this episode, she really is back to being really awful. At least multiple people get to tell her off again - it’s, again, refreshing. How many times as she been told off during this arc? Not enough, but it’s been kind of nice when you string them all together.

Anyway - this episode, as you’ve probably heard me say before, works pretty well. Santana as a publicity is brilliant (and perhaps the best aspect of Chris’s writing), Sam and Mercedes relationship issues are handled rather maturely, Chris as Peter Pan is incredibly inspired, and the music is pretty solid (even if it’s not my personal favorite). There’s even a sweet Klaine scene (though - I still maintain it was wise not to have Chris write too much Blaine). The only thing that really doesn’t work to for me, and maybe we’re far enough away that I can say this honestly without feeling like there will be too much repercussion - I don’t think June Squibb is very good. I mean, yeah - part of it is the awkwardness of the story itself. But - Maggie just doesn’t work for me. Sorry :(

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The Untitled Rachel Berry Project

I know a lot of people say that this episode feels like a finale for them. And I kind of get that, I do. But, honestly, it feels more like a chapter break. This episode is incredibly bittersweet - as if it knows (and it does) what’s coming in season 6. But, also, it’s the ending of a show I kind of wish we had much longer, and I guess it feels a little sad to get to the end.

The episode itself is solid - there are only really three plot lines here, and they all work pretty well. The music might be the weakest element (I only like about half the songs in this one) but it’s got comedy and drama and warmth and sadness, and does make for a great season finale. (It’s the best season finale the show did -- really, it is.) And I guess - everyone ends up where they’re supposed to end up, and it works for me.

I don’t really have a lot to say about it, or at least anything new to say. It’s good, it’s solid, and while I’m super tired of watching TV all day, it’s a great ending to a really good chunk of TV.

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Final Thoughts:

I am a little saddened that we didn’t get those two episodes that were taken from the season. I feel like another couple of beats in the story lines would have worked wonders, and of course, selfishly, we’d have a little more of my favorite part of the story.

Interestingly, though, I don’t know if this makes any sense - but I got the feeling the writers were always more comfortable writing stuff back at McKinley. Like - they did this because they had the time, but they wouldn’t have been able to sustain an entire season writing it. I know we could all come up with great stories, but I think it’s better that they were wrapping things up at this point, because the show feels like it’s headed towards an ending.

I thought I’d get more insight about things watching them all in one sitting - but I’m not sure I did. I think the show almost works better as a week to week so you can sit with each episode. I think when strung together the arcs don’t seem as fluid as we have them in our heads now that we’ve spent years talking about each episode individually.

Weirdly - the music of this arc is really hit and miss for me. It’s interesting, to me, that a lot of times when the story is stronger, the music isn’t always as good. A lot of other times, it’s vice versa. The really, really good episodes can balance the two.

I feel bad for Kevin McHale - who really had nothing to do other than be a giant STD.

That said - one of the most refreshing things about this arc was the lack of toxic masculinity crap, as well as some of the best writing for the women ever on the show.

I enjoyed the little bit of Santana and Brittany that we got - this was, like, the prefect amount of them.

One of the downsides of everyone being paired off is that we didn’t get to see interesting mixed-up pairs - one of the draw backs of the show having such little time in New York.

One thing that stood out to me, and god I hope I don’t get too much hate for this, is that Mercedes and Sam don’t really work... at least at this point. Seeing the entire arc all together, it’s very apparent that while I don’t doubt how much they care for each other, they’re definitely in two different places in their lives. And while I applaud the maturity that the relationship was handled with, it’s clear that they’re not ready to be in a long term relationship (yet).

Rachel! Was bearable for most of the arc. Yeah - there are still a lot of special snowflake Rachel moments. But Lea Michele can do comedy well, and they let her do that.

I didn’t find anything wrong or unusual about Chris’s acting choices. **shrug**

Kurt’s mildly unhappy through a lot of these episodes - but much of that is at Rachel. And really at his own place in life. And the one episode where he’s super sexually frustrated.

The Klaine stuff is delicious - and of course, discussed many other places that you don’t really need me to rehash it.

It’s also unfinished.

They should have made Adam Lambert a regular.

Alright - bring it Season 6.

#tdb rewatch #anyone miss my caps?#eh probably not #but they're back!

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jbuffyangel · 6 years

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Exhausted: This Is Us 3x05 Review (Toby)

This Is Us focuses on the Pearsons’ significant others in “Toby.” It’s an extremely packed episode, which probably means they need to focus on the supporting characters more frequently. There is a connective thread with Toby, Beth and Miguel, beyond just being married to Pearsons, finally being explored, which I am excited about. They each carry their spouses to the point of exhaustion.

Let’s dig in...

Toby and Kate

Chris Sullivan carries this episode on those big, broad shoulders and gives us a side of Toby we haven’t seen. At his core, Toby is caretaker and in that way reminds me of my husband who is also just as amazing. But there are times I want to ask Toby, “Aren’t you exhausted? I am a glass half full, rainbows and unicorns type person, but even I cannot compete with Toby’s energy, positivity and enthusiasm. Toby is always on. He’s almost superhuman in that way.

Well, it turns out Toby is not superhuman and yes, he is exhausted. We see flashbacks of Baby Toby, who is the very definition of the cutest, and we learn Toby’s sadness has always been part of him. In fact, he’s very similar to his mother. Is depression genetic? If yes, then I didn’t know that.

Anywho, Toby’s mother is overwhelmed with a new baby and fighting constantly with his jerk of a father.

“There’s so much of her in you it scares me.”

THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU SAY TO YOUR CHILD! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Unfortunately, Toby’s father does not view depression as a medical ailment and simply advises his son to get his “mopey” attitude under control because it won’t play well as an adult. What a prize this guy is.

Toby used his wonderful sense of humor to cheer up his depressed Mom as a child. Ugh my heart. As for Toby’s mother, just speaking from experience, sometimes you really just need “one damn day.” You’re doing great, sweetie.

Toby’s last live in girlfriend wasn’t able to handle his moods and she left him, which sent Toby spiraling deeper in his depression. Eventually, he started seeing a therapist, started taking meds and then he met Kate.

I would classify Kate the same as me – high maintenance. This works well with someone who gravitates more towards the caretaker role. But the focus needs to shift time to time, so your partner doesn’t feel short changed.

Toby spends a great deal of time cheering Kate up, cheering Kate on, and being her “rock” as she earnestly put it. However, Toby’s need to be Kate’s hero has led him down a disastrous plan of going off his meds. The sadness is coming back and Toby doesn’t know what to do other than pretend it’s not happening.

However, once Kate announces she’s pregnant (YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FINALLY SOME GOOD NEWS FOR THESE TWO), Toby’s rock wall of positivity and joy goes tumbling down. He sobs into wife’s arms.

Letting go and succumbing to the depression isn’t weakness. It’s strength. Sometimes you need to drown before you can swim. Sometimes you need to go deep into the hole before you can figure your way out.

It’s also a hugely important moment in Kate and Toby’s marriage. I always say marriage is not 50/50. Sometimes it’s 90/10 or 40/60. What you and your partner need day to day and year to year shifts.

I think it’s fair to say though Toby has been carrying his share of emotional burdens. Toby can’t be sad because Kate is. Toby can’t worry because it’ll make Kate worry more. Toby can’t be angry because Kate is lashing out from pain and grief, so he just has to take it. It goes on and on and on, which is why I wanted to ask Toby, “Aren’t you exhausted?”

This isn’t Kate’s fault either. We can only know what our partner shares with us. Toby kept Kate out. He wanted to be the rock and she needed a rock. It was a mutually beneficial relationship until it wasn’t. That’s marriage. You have to grow and evolve with your partner.

Now it’s about what Toby needs. Toby needs to know he doesn’t have to be in control all the time. He needs to know Kate isn’t going to leave him when the sadness comes. Toby needs to let Kate all the way in. It’s her turn to be the rock.

Randall and Beth

I love you Randall. You are a deeply good human being. You are a blessing to all the lives you touch, but sometimes my friend, you leap before you look.

Randall and Beth are preparing for his first campaign event and my first thought was...

Beth just lost her job. Maybe this isn’t the best time to be piling on. Are they independently wealthy? That house is huge and it must come with a serious mortgage. Do they not have bills to pay? Everyone seems very calm about the whole no income situation. I would not be this calm. Then again, maybe Randall listens to Suze Orman and has 12 months of savings.

Side bar: Every time my husband and I saved whatever monthly sum Suze Orman said we needed she would then add another three months. For example, we’d save 3 months and she’d say save 6 months. We’d save 6 and she’d say 9. And so on. It made my husband very cranky and now I’m not allowed to watch Suze Orman because he says she turns me into a crazy person. End side bar.

Unfortunately, Randall just dives right in and tells the people who came for free barbecue all the ways they are wrong about their current council man. He has a bit of a faceoff with the restaurant owner who explains the current councilman saved his business years ago. People don’t owe him loyalty. They owe him their lives.

Yeesh. Yeah, probably should have put some quiet feelers out there Randall. Maybe a poll Jed Bartlet style. I don’t know what this means for Randall’s future as city councilman, but he’s not off to a great start.

What I really want to talk about is BETH. My queen is not doing great. She is putting up a good show of confidence in front of Randall about interviewing for new jobs and fielding six figure offers.

Source: livelovecaliforniadreams

However, she broke down crying in an interview. She’s not expecting a call back and Beth is right.

What’s sad is Beth doesn’t feel like she can share this with Randall. She constantly has to be on like Toby. Beth is so busy nurturing Randall’s dreams and easing his anxiety there’s very left over for her – both in the relationship and within herself.

Of course she broke down in an interview! Beth honey you were fired from the business you helped build. Grab some booze and take a week off girl. You need it.

But Beth can’t do that. She has to support her family. If she’s worried then it means Randall will worry more. And on and on and on it goes.

Miguel and Rebecca

Poor Miguel. I think he’s been given a bad rap. He’s trying to so hard to be there for the kids and Rebecca, but he’s not trying to take Jack’s place. That’s impossible. He’s simply trying to keep his promise to Jack.

Source: @livelovecaliforniadreams

There are people who are such a force in our life that it's difficult to imagine them ever dying. It's impossible in fact.

It’s an exhaustive effort from Miguel. Literally. He carries a piano upstairs and spends the better part of the day fixing Rebecca’s refrigerator. Then he gives a pep talk to Randall (which is not well well received) and lets drunk Kevin crash at his place. This was just one day. I’m sure it makes Miguel feel for Rebecca on a whole other level.

I understand the kid’s reservations to Miguel. Their guard is up. They are protective of their father and the hole his passing has put in the family. But I’m fond of Miguel for the same reason the Pearson children are guarded around him - he is not biological and he reminds me of my grandmother.

My mother’s mom died when she was 19. Her father (my grandpa) eventually remarried. My mother liked her step mother and even grew to love her, but the day my sister was born my father had a tough conversation with my mom. He said, “I know this is going to be hard to hear, but Jeanne will be the only grandmother our children will ever know. So, I think you need to think seriously about the kids calling her Grandma.” My father’s mother was also gone by this time.

My mom said it was hard to hear, but she knew her step mother would be an amazing grandmother. And she was. My Grandma Jeanne wasn’t my biological grandmother, but she was the only one I had and she was truly wonderful. I like to think she was a gift my Grandma Noella and Grandma Sara sent to us.

So, when I look at Miguel I think what a gift he is to the Pearson family. And it’s what Jack thought as well. It’s why he asked Miguel to look after his family.

Kevin and Zoe

This is a safe space. I am going to raise my stupid white person hand and say I too did not know what the pillowcase was for. So, thank you Kevin Pearson. Your ignorance illuminated my ignorance and I learned something!

The scenes between Kevin and Don Robinson, Jack’s army buddy, are truly wonderful.

Source: livelovecaliforniadreams

There’s so much pride in Robinson’s voice as he reveals the truth to Kevin. Jack hid this piece of his life for a good reason, but there is so much to be proud of as well. It’s really a defining moment in the series, where Kevin realizes how much of a hero his father was and how little he really knows about his time in Vietnam.

I was kind of scratching my head when Robinson said Jack never wrote him back. Does that sound like Jack Pearson thing to do? I shrugged it off though and just chalked it up to Jack trying to leave the war behind like Don said. But then, he finds Kevin and gives him the letters. Robinson had to measure the promises he made to Jack versus the wishes of his son. Not an easy decision, but I think he made the right one. Those letters are going to be illuminating.

Source: wondersprince

As for the photograph and the woman with the necklace, the same necklace Kevin wears with his father’s dog tags, I’m not sure what it means. Obviously, this person is incredibly important to Jack or else he wouldn’t have kept the necklace for all these years. Could it have been romantic? Sure. If it was does it mean Rebecca wasn’t Jack’s true love? No, not at all.

Keep in mind Vietnam was pre-Rebecca. Jack was pretty clear when he met Rebecca he knew immediately she was “The one.” However, we love many people in our life. It’s okay to carry pieces of them with you, which is what I think Jack has done. He kept a piece of this woman with him, just like he kept a piece of Don Robinson with him when he place his hands on his children's’ faces and said, “Breathe.”

Stray Thoughts

I think Randall’s dual culture upbringing is strength. He is a black man who was raised in white culture. I think it gives him unique perspective and he belongs in both worlds. It’s not an either or. Maybe this makes me naive but it’s what I think.

Holy crap is this how in vitro really works? It’s so friggin expensive and the success rate is so low! Wow. Sending snuggles to everyone who has every struggled with infertility. You are not alone.

Randall unbuttoning his shirt is all the reason I need to vote for him. Done deal.

Randall: All his lemonade froze Beth.

Beth: Yeah but he was stupid baby.

I love everything about them. I ship it like Fed Ex.

Three hours to get ready Kate? Just as an FYI - that’s all over when you have a baby. You’ll be lucky to get a shower.

Nobody had fun at prom? Man, can teen Pearsons catch a break at some point?

A+ on the prom dresses. Absolutely what I wore in high school. We were slaves to fashion in the late nineties. ;)

I’m super confused. So, Randall’s date wouldn’t go to prom with him because her dad is a racist asshole? How does that work? You are in the dress. The hair is done. Randall Pearson is looking gorgeous in a tux and has a corsage ready to go. You tell dad to go to hell and get in the damn limo kid. Where is her mother in all of this??? What is wrong with people????

Kate’s impression of Adele is dead on.

Rebecca is such an amazing mom. Kate doesn’t give her nearly enough credit.

#this is us #kate and toby #this is us 3x05 #randall and beth #toby damon #beth pearson #miguel rivas #rebecca pearson #kevin and zoe #kevin pearson #kate pearson #randall pearson #this is us season 3 #this is us season 3 review

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vickypoochoices · 5 years

Text

Christmas Countdown part 4.

Days 11-15.

[MASTERLIST.]

Day 16.

“ZIG! Coffee! Pleaseeeeee. I'll get on my knees and beg!” She flopped half way over the empty counter melodramatically, barely flinching as her cheek squished against the cool surface

It was barely 7am and she'd fled the apartment in a sleep deprived haze, having grown fed up with laying awake, staring at the ceiling and praying she'd finally succumb to the exhaustion. She'd drained her phone battery listening to every single piece of white noise ever created and calming lullabies that had the opposite affect when they failed to do the job in hand, instead pulling her from her bed in a rage.

“Uhh hey, can I help?” She sprang upright at the sound of an unfamiliar voice, eyes scrunching closed. It's okay, don't panic. When you open your eyes you'll see Zig, not some strange barista.

Peeling open just the one eye initially, she felt a rush of warmth flood her cheeks as an unknown barista gawked back at her incredulously.

Clearing her throat, she desperately tried to compose herself. And then a hearty chuckle gained her attention, exaggerated clapping following.

“Oh Trev, that was gold! Thanks for covering man.” Zig joined them, face filled with glee.

As the other barista walked out to the back, she rounded on Zig, pointing an accusing finger in his direction.

“Just what the hell was that shit Ortega?” She demanded.

Zig offered his trademark smirk over his shoulder, as he busied himself with a machine.

“That? Well I was just outside having a smoke before the big morning rush hits, and then you decided to make my entire morning with that little episode.”

“I hate you.” She mumbled, resuming her position sprawled out on the counter, this time bumping her head against the cool surface a few times for good measure.

“Aww don't be like that. You can't stay mad at me, I made your favourite.”

“We'll see about that.” She scoffed, sitting up straight and reaching for her drink.

“I've made you the same drink every morning for the last year…”

She scowled at him, before taking a tentative sip of scalding coffee. She felt a warm rush overcome her whole body as she struggled to keep her face impassive.

“This is...Eurgh I can't lie, this is glorious Zig.” She relented, suppressing a shudder as she took another sip, her body overjoyed at the caffeine consumption.

He grinned at her reaction, head nodding, her response entirely as he had expected.

“Hard night or tough morning?”

“Yes. Tick. All of the above.” She slumped forward, words muffled against the counter.

A sharp ding rang out from the doorway, a cold breeze sweeping in, prompting her to huddle closer to the steaming cup in hand. Zig let out a barely there sigh as a small group of people edged closer to him.

“Looks like I'm needed. I hope you get some sleep. Or figure out whatever's eating you. Or...well you never really said what was wrong. Just...Keep swimming?”

She felt herself thaw a little bit, a giggle managing to slip out.

“You are such a dork. Thanks Zig. I'll just swim home now.”

She quietly collected herself, slipping past the small line of people that had already started to form.

As she reached for the handle of the door, her attention caught sight of the shop window. The bottom half of it was lined with paper, the same words repeated on each piece. She must have been more desperate for coffee than she realised before if she walked past this without even noticing. She felt herself gravitate towards the posters, feeling overwhelmed with the sudden knowledge that this was for her.

Day Sixteen - I am in love with a memory. I am in love with a future. I am in love with possibility. I am in love with you x.

Her vision blurred as tears welled up in her eyes, but she fought to keep them at bay. Reading over the words again and again, she tried desperately to memorize them, wanting to think back on them when she was in a better frame of mind.

Realising she was a partial obstruction in the doorway, she pulled herself together and out into the bitterly cold winter morning.

She shuffled along the pathway home, repeating the words constantly, until she came to a halt in front of a street light. Plastered around the base of the light was a copy of the poster, same words sprawled over the paper.

Looking up and into the distance of her route home, her eyes focused, and she counted four street lights and two information signs, the same poster clearly visible even from where she stood. He'd had a busy morning!

Continuing on at a steady pace, she reached the large statue that stood in the middle of campus, her mouth gaping open at the sight in front of her. It was covered head to toe in posters. How was that even possible? How on Earth did he make it all the way to the top? And is that James?!

He was stood, gloved fingertips smoothly running over the words, adoration etched on his face, oblivious to her presence.

“Looks like someone's got it bad.” Her voice was soft and low, yet James still stumbled backwards, clearly startled.

“So that's what a heart attack feels like. I always did wonder.” He exhaled loudly, tightly clutching on to his chest.

She raised an eyebrow in his direction. “If that's what you spend your time thinking about then I have to say, I'm a little concerned about you.”

He let out a low rumble, his broad smile proving to be infectious as she broke out into a grin of her own.

Taking a step closer, his eyes glossed over as he took the words in once more. Watching him intensely, she noticed his eyes shift awkwardly from the statue back to her.

Tugging on the scarf tightly wound around his neck, recognition finally set in. He was nervous. Had she just caught him admiring his own handy work?

Day 17.

“Can you even be in love with someone without knowing who they are? This guy could show up on Christmas day, have two heads, no teeth, a few extra limbs, and I’d still want to marry him!” Zack swooned.

“Oh God, well what if that does happen and I can’t find it in me to love him? Does that make me a terrible person?”

“The guy went all Spiderman and scaled a huge statue for you. He could have died for you! Are you really telling me you’ll turn him down after that?” Zack pointed a finger angrily in her direction.

“Zack you need to chill! We said we were having a crisis chat, let’s do this.” Kaitlyn said, standing in the middle of them both.

They both grumbled in response, heads reluctantly nodding.

“Now then, I may have got a bit carried away, but I’ve actually been working on this for a few days…” Kaitlyn continued, as she fumbled around the back of the sofa.

“Is that a binder? And are those highlighters?”

Kaitlyn clutched the binder tight to her chest, back turned to them as a touch of pink splashed her cheeks.

“You don’t have post it notes in there do you?” Zack queried, attempting to peer into the binder.

“Errr no?”

“You sure about that? You don’t sound it.”

“Okay you two, this isn’t helping, let’s move on.”

“Fine. But I’m adding you to the suspect list.” Zack retorted, eyes narrowed at Kaitlyn.

“Come on then. Where do we start with this? Tell us what you’ve got Kaitlyn.”

“I think we can narrow this down to three people. Chris, James and Zig.”

“And Kaitlyn. And Edgar.”

“No to both of those.” Kaitlyn worked hard to not give Zack the reaction she knew he craved.

“I agree.” She replied, before Zack could start up another argument.

“Fine. Be boring. Okay so Chris, James and Zig it is. Everyone knows you and Chris were together that first year.”

“We weren’t ever official and it wasn’t the whole year!”

“Well maybe that’s it! What if Chris always wanted it to be official and never wanted to break it off?”

“I hate to agree with Zack, but he’s basically just covered my Chris theory.” Kaitlyn added, ignoring Zack’s attempts at a fist bump.

“Hmm. Okay, who’s next?”

“Next we have my personal front runner, James. He’s always had a thing for you. He stepped back when you were with Chris, maybe he was waiting for the right moment? And do I even need to bring up the fake fiancee plot twist? I bet he secretly wishes it had all been real.” Kaitlyn chatted animatedly, pausing a few times to point out notes she’d made, and even a sketch of an obnoxiously large diamond ring.

“So that just leaves Zig.”

“Ahh Zigmund. Zig Zag. The Ziggster. Zig-azig-ahh.”

She raised her eyebrows at Kaitlyn, perplexed.

“Sorry, got a bit carried away there. Zig is a dark horse. Quiet, brooding type on the outside, but I reckon if we were to knock him out and crack him open he’d be all sweetness and light inside.”

“You couldn’t have just said he was a total babe?” Zack’s face screwed up in disgust.

“Well sure but he’s so much more. So here’s the thing, you and Zig were having a bit of fun before all that drama at my gig right? I know you’ve made up, but you never kissed and made up. What if Zig is harbouring strong feelings for you?”

“Okay.”

“Okay? That’s all you’ve got? This took me hours, there’s still so much more we could go over.” Kaitlyn whined.

“Who do you think it is?” She blinked, cutting to the chase.

“I told you, my money is on James. Aside from all the reasons I already gave you, these are big romantic gestures, someone’s gone to a lot of trouble to make this perfect. Strikes me as the kind of thing James would be good at.”

“And I think it’s Chris. I remember how he used to look at you, and come to think of it, I’m certain he still does. Plus, he’s definitely up to something, that guy has been glued to his phone recently.” Zack added, nudging her gently in the side.

“Looks like I’m Team Zig then.” She smirked, teasing them both with a wink.

Zack sprang to his feet and rushed towards the door as a loud knock sounded out.

“Can I change my vote? I’m with Kaitlyn, because this right here is screaming out James’s name.”

He carefully retraced his steps, handing over a large glass candle, a bottle of bubble bath and a box of pretty bath bombs, trusty post it note stuck to the side.

Day Seventeen - The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it x.

“Yep. That is so James.” Kaitlyn muttered, as she read the note over her shoulder.

Days 18-19.

Tagging: @zigortega4life @emerald-bijou @krsnlove @darley1101 @syltti78 @mrsdrakewalkerblog @jared2612

#choices: stories you play #play choices #christmas fanfiction #fanfic #zig ortega #chris powell #james ashton #the freshman

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daresplaining · 7 years

Note

So proud of Danny in the Defenders... He was my favorite. His fights were a huge improvement from his show, I loved them all! What do you think about Danny this season?

Danny was a rockstar in this show. As Daredevil bloggers, we’re contractually obligated to say that Matt was our favorite… but well… we loved every second of Danny’s journey, and the wait for Season 2 is going to be very long indeed. We really enjoyed the fights in Iron Fist, but we agree that they were awesome in The Defenders– particularly with the addition of those glorious Luke/Danny tag-teams! If you don’t mind, we’re going to take this as an excuse to do a deep dive into Danny’s Defenders arc.

(First: his haircut is excellent. We liked the longer hair too, but this would be much easier to uh… *cough* fit under a mask. Eh, Marvel?)

In some of the earliest pre-Defenders interviews, Finn mentioned that Danny would be the one member of the team who really knew what was going on, and would be a driving force behind the team-up– and this ended up being very much the case. Of all the protagonists, Danny comes into this fight with the most pain and the most context and the biggest personal investment in achieving victory. Matt lost someone he loved to the Hand, and we’re certainly not disregarding that grief, but Danny lost his entire home– or at least, he believes he did– and he blames himself.

The question of whether K’un-Lun has actually been destroyed is toyed with throughout The Defenders, and while we likely won’t find out the truth until Iron Fist Season 2, the important factor here is what Danny believes. His character arc in his solo show followed his desperate struggle to sort out his identity– as Danny Rand in the first five episodes, as Iron Fist in the next five, and as a balance of both in the final three– and now, he views this time spent in conflict as having cost him everything. We know, of course, that this was beyond his control, and so it’s upsetting to watch him get tortured anew by guilt. We can compare his nightmare about K’un-Lun in Defenders Episode 1 to his relentless PTSD-fueled flashbacks to the plane crash in Iron Fist. The trauma of watching his parents die, while obviously not gone, has been superseded by the trauma of losing his adopted family and home. And once again, just as he did as a ten-year-old, he is reacting to compensate for this loss. We see at the beginning of The Defenders that his life and purpose have become simplified and focused. He is no longer questioning. He is no longer conflicted. He no longer believes he can afford to be. He has one goal, to the exclusion of all else. He’s the Iron Fist, and he’s taking down the Hand no matter what.

(A whole separate post could be written on the contexts in which he introduces himself as Danny vs. as Iron Fist, but we’ll get back to that.)

Another side effect of this new sense of purpose is isolation. Danny needs to complete his mission himself, and doesn’t want anyone else to get hurt. Colleen, as someone who has been on this journey with him for a long time at this point, and who has her own self-imposed mission to destroy the Hand, is the only ally he wants. As Colleen points out later in the show, Danny is on a subconscious search for a family. But having lost his last two, and having been betrayed by nearly everyone since first returning to New York, he starts the show hesitant about the idea of acquiring new allies. Colleen, in contrast, is eager for help and sees this isolation as a problem. With Danny cutting himself off from the rest of the world, he is becoming locked in a spiral of depression and putting himself in danger. It’s interesting to then watch them reverse positions on this topic as the show progresses.

This mission leads to Danny and Colleen’s discovery of the Chaste stronghold in NYC, a hint of their connection to K’un-Lun, and– most importantly– the fact that they too have been wiped out. Yet another failure, in what is now looking more and more to Danny like a battle he is destined to lose. This is the absolute worst possible moment Luke could have strolled into his life and started protecting someone working for the Hand.

Luke is defending a suffering kid from what looks like a random assault. Danny is fighting someone he assumes is a Hand warrior, possibly the very person who slaughtered the Chaste. He is out for blood– and Luke does nothing but unknowingly exacerbate the situation.

(Oh no.)

(OH NO!)

The sheer size of the misunderstandings in Luke and Danny’s early interactions makes them painful to watch, but also great character moments. This fight, for Danny, is an embodiment of his entire battle with the Hand so far: seemingly futile, and exposing just how weak and ineffective he is. Nothing he tries works, and the enemy just. Keeps. Coming. Not only that, but Luke is standing in the way of his one hope for finding answers: Cole. All things considered, it’s a testament to Danny’s self-control that it takes him as long as it does to wallop his future BFF with the Iron Fist.

While we’re on the subject of Danny in this fight, we wanted to take a second to highlight this badassery:

Danny’s agility and untouchability is a trademark of his fighting style in the comics, and it’s his usual strategy for fighting big bruisers like Luke, so we loved seeing it showcased here (and we wish he’d used it more)!

Luke: “Your playin’ jack-rabbit ain’t gonna save you forever, punk!”

Power Man #48 by Chris Claremont, John Byrne, and Francoise Mouly

Once Claire vouches for Luke not being Hand, Danny agrees to meet with him– and while obviously wary at first (again: Danny has had a terrible history of trusting people he shouldn’t), he warms up to Luke amazingly quickly. He clearly respects and admires Luke for what he’s heard about him from Claire, and for his fighting ability– and yes, probably also because of True Love™ (platonic or otherwise, depending on how you personally read this relationship). The writers know what the fans want, after all.

(Ed Brisson, the writer for the current Iron Fist series, once referred to their dynamic as (to paraphrase) “the guy with the most powerful punch, and the guy who can take that punch”, so we appreciate this exchange. We’re gonna try really hard to not veer too far into Heroes for Hire Happy Land in this post, since we’re focusing specifically on Danny, but this seemed worth pointing out. There will be plenty of time for Heroes for Hire Happy Land later…)

This scene also introduces something we see several times in the show, usually with Luke– which is Danny’s eagerness to share the details of his origin story. He becomes noticeably happier when talking about K’un-Lun and acquiring his powers, and it’s really endearing.

(D’aw. That’s how we feel about Shou-Lao too, Danny.)

One of our favorite exchanges in the entire show, in fact, is in Episode 6: when Luke makes fun of Danny for this, then realizes he’s hurt him, feels bad, and offers to sincerely engage. Danny’s relief and gratitude is palpable and it’s a great moment in their budding friendship. In fact (and we’ll get back to this), it’s possibly the most important moment between them from Danny’s perspective– proof that, despite the betrayal of trying to keep him out of the war, Luke does actually care about him. It’s a small gesture, but a powerful one, since Danny doesn’t have many people like that in his life anymore.

Also, as far as we can remember, Danny never actually mentioned shoving his hands into Shou-Lao’s heart in Iron Fist, so we love that that detail was included here. It’s important! And yes… it hurt like heck.

Danny: “I plunged my hands into it, as hard as I could, again and again. You can’t imagine how that hurt… It was hotter than any furnace, but after ten years of preparation– after all the others who’d tried and failed– how could I stop?”

Power Man and Iron Fist vol. 1 #75 by Mary Jo Duffy, Kerry Gammill, and Christie Scheele

Anyway, we read this urge several different ways. First, Danny is really proud of being the Iron Fist– and he should be. The guy singlehandedly killed a dragon, and being K’un-Lun’s Immortal Weapon is a huge honor. He talks again and again, in both Iron Fist and in The Defenders, about how this was something he earned through hard work and dedication. It’s his greatest accomplishment– something that has defined his life. This also means that it’s key to understanding who he is. Danny is finally able to fully embraced his identity and status as the Iron Fist, as we discussed earlier, meaning that he now sees this as the most important fact about him. He wants new people to understand him, and telling them his origin story is a quick and easy way to get at the core of who he sees himself to be at this point. It’s also proof of his credentials. He’s the Iron Fist– he knows what he’s talking about when it comes to this magic ninja stuff. It’s telling that during the team’s first conversation at the restaurant, Danny seems to expect Matt to know about the Iron Fist legacy as well, since he has prior knowledge of the Hand. (Joke’s on you, Danny– Matt failed his Chaste training.)

Most importantly: it’s something he just doesn’t get to talk about much, since he doesn’t have many friends (yet!) and most people don’t believe him. And it’s heartbreaking for his life and title and home to be continually scoffed at, but he keeps trying anyway. Now that he thinks he’ll never see K’un-Lun again, he is probably extra desperate to reflect on happy memories of his time there. Since he returned to New York, the only person who has sincerely been interested in connecting with him in this way is Colleen. He needs more friends he can chat with about kung fu and dragons! He needs more people in his life who actually care about him as a person!

And finally, of course, it’s for anyone who didn’t watch the previous Marvel Netflix shows– but that’s beside the point.

This scene also, of course, gives us Luke and Danny’s other fight– which is even more painful than the physical one. We could pick this apart line by line, since it is loaded with nuance, but it boils down to Luke fundamentally misunderstanding the situation. The points he makes to Danny make perfect sense based on his personal background and the extent of his knowledge. They’re excellent, socially relevant points. However, they betray a lack of awareness of what’s actually going on in the show, and the fact that Luke doesn’t know anything about Danny yet. And Danny is blindsided by his accusations, since they’re so far removed from the real situation.

Danny spent most of his life without money, then had a fortune he wasn’t interested in unceremoniously dumped on him, so this whole conversation is understandably surreal for him. He sees the Hand bearing down on New York and threatening the only other home he has, while Luke just sees a kid whose life is in danger and whose family is suffering, and these personal investments in the situation cloud their abilities to see each other’s perspectives. And boy, does that hurt to watch. This is also the introduction of Danny’s main role within the team-up: as someone who understands the Hand better than any of the others, and tries to keep all of their individual agendas from getting in the way of what really matters.

It’s also key to point out the difference between Colleen (who also worked for the Hand) and Cole. Danny now understands, via Colleen, how the Hand can sucker good people into joining them by not revealing their sinister deeds until ensuring loyalty. Colleen was with the Hand for years, yet had no idea her faction was involved in criminal activity. But Cole was right in there, disposing of dead bodies. Danny has every reason to assume he had at least some sense of how bad his bosses were.

…And this is the point where Danny finally snaps, which is no big surprise. It cuts right into his own feelings of guilt. But Luke would have no way of knowing how out of line this is.

This is an upsetting scene for H4H fans (one of us had to take a minute to calm down during our first watch-through), but it’s also a key turning point in Danny’s Defenders character arc. Having hit a wall in his battle with the Hand, Luke’s comments provide him with a fresh perspective on the situation– and a new idea about how to continue the fight. He realizes, in fact, that he needs to reach outside of his Iron Fist identity, to which he has so tightly clung since the beginning of the show, and make use of his Rand resources.

As Colleen rightly points out, and despite whatever “entitled rich kid” stereotype Luke might have imagined, this is not his world, and he is stepping way out of his comfort zone. But he goes for it anyway, his fighting spirit renewed. He even makes the ultimate sacrifice and puts on a suit and tie!

(Get ‘em, Danny!)

Having spent so long trying to reconcile his two identities, this is a hugely important moment– in which Danny uses his civilian identity as a weapon to further his mission as Iron Fist.

Danny: “I need to face this as Danny Rand. I’ll need every asset of my father’s most precious gift to me… this mighty, undying corporation… and every last dollar of its lifeblood… and all the power that buys. You want a war, Hydra? Fine. You’ve got it.”

Immortal Iron Fist #3 by Ed Brubaker, Matt Fraction, David Aja, et al.

As we hope he learns in future seasons through his continued exploration of the Iron Fist legacy, all Iron Fists (at least, in the comics) are unique, and their lives, careers, and even power-sets are shaped by their individual differences. There isn’t a set template for being the Iron Fist, and it is possible– necessary, even– to be an Immortal Weapon without losing every other part of your identity. Danny has gone from negotiating the two sides of his life and being buffeted by the chaos this generates, to zeroing in on his fight with the Hand to the exclusion of everything else– and this moment is a great step in what will hopefully be a journey toward a comfortable middle ground. Yes, the writers needed to get him to Midland Circle so he could take part in the team-up, but it’s also a cool character moment. Also, look at that smirk. You go, Danny.

But all of this aside, Colleen is right, Danny is not a businessman. And he knows it. However, he also knows how to approach combat, and is very good at acting confident, as we saw in his fights in Iron Fist. It’s clear he’s faking his way through his business-y speech to the board at Midland Circle, but that’s not the point. This is his official declaration of war. He needs the Hand to know that the Iron Fist is coming after them, and he needs them to think he has the upper hand. By strolling right into the center of their operation, he is metaphorically giving them the finger and letting them think he doesn’t feel threatened by them.

At the same time, he is placing himself in a position of weakness. For the first time since the beginning of the show, he is completely isolated– and for the first time, he is confronted face-to-face with the reality of what, exactly, he’s up against.

Alexandra shows up to derail him, belittle him, and emotionally destabilize him. She goes in for some space invasion and forced physical contact to assert dominance (she does the same thing in the restaurant, and to Elektra). Heck, she even sits right up on the conference table to throw in a little additional disrespect. And she meets Danny’s declaration with one of her own: that the Hand doesn’t feel threatened by him either. Danny doesn’t back down, of course, but once again the Hand is presenting a serious challenge to him – and this time he’s facing them all by himself.

We are sadly no longer able to make GIFs from Netflix (and kudos to the GIF wizards who still manage it), but Danny is so angry here that he’s twitching. The core members of the Hand use the apparent destruction of K’un-Lun as a psychological weapon against him throughout the show, and each time it’s heartbreaking to watch him fight to keep his composure. It’s a testament to his self-control that he manages it here– though the emotional turmoil stemming from this, alongside everything else Alexandra throws at him in this scene (her blasé attitude, the fact that she doesn’t want to kill him yet, the fact that she’s killed previous Iron Fists…), may be why he experiences a chi malfunction right before Luke arrives.

Team-up stories are always going to undermine the power of individual characters’ narratives. Were this Danny’s solo show, he would likely have found a way out of this situation on his own, and it would have been awesome. But then we wouldn’t have gotten this:

(Chi blockage: cured!) …so we’re not complaining. As it stands, the effectiveness of this team-up convinces Danny that maybe acquiring more allies isn’t such a bad idea.

Tracking the Hand all over the world didn’t work, searching for the Chaste didn’t work, confronting their leaders and attacking their “legal” base of operations didn’t work… Now, Danny eagerly throws himself into a new strategy that seems like it might yield results. It’s heartening to see that in the midst of all of his pain and frustration, he still maintains that characteristic optimism. Just because all previous efforts have failed doesn’t mean this one will, and he is positively chipper throughout his early interactions with the other three. He believes that now, at last, he has found a way to beat the Hand, and thus his hope is restored. It’s a relief for him to have more allies to rely on, and he is fascinated to run into other superpowered warriors, awed by them, and eager to work alongside them.

(These are only a few examples, of course– Danny is perpetually geeking out over the other three throughout the show.) Despite his history of betrayal and his previous belief that he couldn’t get others involved, he sets his heart on this team-up and almost instantly attaches himself to Luke, Jessica, and Matt. He doesn’t even get involved in the argument about Matt hiding his face– he trusts him anyway (neat detail: he doesn’t even look at Matt’s face post-reveal until after Matt introduces himself). It’s enough for him, in this moment, that he’s found a group of friends who are able and willing to fight the Hand alongside him. He verbally defends their honor to Alexandra, and (big surprise) is smitten with Luke in particular.

Now that the situation has escalated and Luke sees what’s really going on, and after their effortlessly badass partnership at Midland Circle, the two of them have put aside their grievances. Now, Danny goes into the same hi-I’m-going-to-keep-talking-to-you-until-you-become-my-friend mode with Luke that he did with Colleen when he first met her.

Luke in turn provides Danny with protection and moral support later in this scene, when Alexandra starts getting aggressive. Danny is still subconsciously looking for a family, and in addition to their ability to kick serious ninja butt, these guys seem to him like prime candidates.

The restaurant scene is an emotional high point for Danny for another reason as well: Stick.

We had high hopes for Danny and Stick’s interactions, and all of them were met. Stick exhibits a respect for Danny’s rank (moreso than we were expecting, in fact, but not too much– he’s still Stick, after all) that is in neat contrast with his interactions with everyone else. Danny, in turn, is delighted to meet someone of Stick’s calibre who– most importantly– has information! Not only that, but Stick is connected to K’un-Lun in a positive way, which automatically puts him at the top of Danny’s list of people to hang out with.

This, however, is coupled with Danny’s renewed feelings of distress about how much information was withheld from him while he was in K’un-Lun (which is also true in the comics. This is mostly due to 616 K’un-Lun’s massive amount of political intrigue, which we’re dying for the show to cover). The fact that the Chaste existed to work alongside the Iron Fist, and Danny didn’t know about them, and now most of them are dead, is a killer bombshell for Stick to drop on him at this moment. Danny is therefore desperate to learn everything he possibly can to make up for this intel gap, and is eager to hear what Stick has to say.

We enjoy the contrast here with Matt– and the fact that Danny gets annoyed at Matt’s disrespect and dismissal of Stick’s intel. Danny has finally found someone who knows what’s going on and who is just as invested in this fight as he is, not to mention someone with a personal connection to his home, and dammit, he wants to listen!

Danny’s delight in his new allies does not last, of course, and it ends the minute he is transformed into the show’s MacGuffin (thing for the protagonists and antagonists to fight over). With the revelation that the Hand need the Iron Fist in their possession in order to achieve their aims, the team tries to do the absolute worst thing that could possibly be done to Danny in this context: prevent him from fighting.

(Exhibit A: A rare image of Luke Cage telling Danny Rand to calm down. Only a handful of these exist in the world, so take a good look. We’ve talked before about the temperament switch in this version of the dynamic duo, and this summarizes that change perfectly. It’s fascinating, and we can’t wait to see how it plays out as their friendship continues to develop. When they do Good Cop/Bad Cop… will Danny be the Bad Cop? How wild would that be?!)

This is a brilliant narrative wrench to throw into Danny’s story arc, since it’s pretty close to his worst nightmare. The only meaning he has in life right now, the only way he will ever be able to reconcile the pain Iron Fist Season 1 left him with, the only way he will be able to avenge K’un-Lun, is to take down the Hand. He is a warrior, this is his job, the enemy is winning, and his friends want to prevent him from fighting. He’d probably prefer it if Stick just tried to kill him, instead of being locked up and rendered helpless. The emotional horror of being blocked from fulfilling his mission is coupled with the frustration that comes with the fact that he is right and the audience knows it. The Hand want him on their side or out of the fight completely. Danny, more than anyone there other than Stick, knows how sneaky and deceptive and manipulative the Hand can be, and now he sees their influence tearing his dream team apart, and these people he thought were his allies are refusing to listen to him. He sees his hopes for victory unraveling in front of him, and nothing he says makes any difference! We’d start punching too! We’re getting stressed and frustrated just writing about it!

Plus, Danny is being betrayed by people he thought he could trust… AGAIN. Still reeling from the series of massive betrayals he suffered through in his solo show, his willingness to trust in the good intentions of the people around him is once more coming back to hit him in the face. A good chunk of the anger and frustration he experiences in this scene is likely aimed toward himself, for once again becoming emotionally attached to the wrong people. Of course, the others are acting in what they think are Danny’s best interests, but given all of these factors, there’s no way Danny doesn’t see this as yet another betrayal.

This is the face of a guy who has lost everything, has just been stabbed in the back for the hundredth time, has at maximum two people in his life he can trust… maybe two-and-a-half, and who just had to chi punch someone he cares about. A serious contender for most heartbreaking moment in the show.

And of course– big surprise– this ends up being a mistake. Tying him up and trying to hide him only makes it easier for the Hand to get their hands on him. To add injury to more injury, Stick is killed in the process (R.I.P. gone too soon), and Luke is poisoned– two things Danny was rendered powerless to prevent. This leads into his third, and possibly most interesting, confrontation with Alexandra.

After dangling the image of K’un-Lun’s ruins in front of Danny throughout the entire show, Alexandra now switches tactics and reveals her own emotional connections to his lost home. This comes alongside her cryptic assertion that Danny “saw what [he] wanted to see” when he returned to K’un-Lun. “Wanted” seems like a strange word to use in this situation (”expected” would make more sense), but once Danny discovered that the Hand was real during his solo show, and after all of Davos’s warnings, there was unquestionably a part of him that feared he’d return to find it gone. This, alongside the Hand leaders’ sincere desire to go back to the city themselves, makes a pretty strong case for it having not actually been destroyed. We likely won’t learn the truth until Season 2 of Iron Fist, but the hope is there. Danny, for his part, remains seemingly unaffected by this attempt at a personal connection. He doesn’t trust anything the Hand have to say, and probably assumes Alexandra is just messing with him. He has become too jaded to hope that he’s wrong about K’un-Lun, and too angry to care if the Hand share his love of the city. They’re evil jerks regardless, and now that he’s in their grasp, he can’t afford any moment of weakness or shred of doubt.

After Alexandra’s premature death (hopefully this means no one will call Matt “the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen” ever again!), Danny falls into Elektra’s hands and the two weapons finally get their rematch. We wrote a post about the fact that Danny never lost any of his physical fights in Iron Fist, and so getting beaten by Elektra in the beginning of The Defenders likely left a big impression on him. We were hoping the Black Sky might end up being an Immortal Weapon, and while this was neither confirmed nor denied, she is still essentially treated like one by the Hand. This creates some fascinating parallels and contrasts between Elektra and Danny.

Danny, via his emotional connection to K’un-Lun and the strong sense of duty he finally has the capacity for since sorting out his identity tangle, is a willing weapon. He serves and honors his city because he loves it and knows how much he owes to it (stay tuned for the Matt parallel!). Elektra, via her history of negative experiences with servitude and her desire for control of her own destiny, is an unwilling weapon. Her status as a tool of the Hand is a prison she was forced into, and from which she has finally managed to escape. She sees Danny’s loyalty as weakness; he sees her rebellion as unfaithfulness. At the same time, Danny completely supports people betraying the Hand, so his comments about her lack of loyalty may just be attempts to get under her skin. Only having his experiences to go on, he doesn’t understand that this wouldn’t bother her– just as Elektra doesn’t understand that Danny has no desire to be “free” of his masters the way she does. In this moment, neck-deep in his mission and standing in the presence of something created by another Iron Fist, his loyalty and resolve are stronger than ever.

*Ahem*

(They made “Sweet Christmas” work. They could’ve let Danny keep his K’un-Lun expletives. Come on.)

A solid argument could be made that Danny actually could read the writing on the door, but just didn’t want to reveal that information to Elektra. The idea of an Iron Fist writing an important message in a K’un-Lun-specific dialect brings to mind Book of the Iron Fist from the comics, which is written in a language only Iron Fists can read. However, we also know that Gao was able to decipher the door, and Danny being unable to would tie into the continuing theme of his getting left in the dark by his masters in K’un-Lun.

(This is just a really nice shot.)

When her attempts to relate to Danny and win him to her side fail, Elektra falls back on the same old tactics everyone else has been using against him– his weak spot regarding K’un-Lun.

Having been taunted about this throughout the entire show, again and again fighting to keep his emotions in check, and feeling no closer to avenging the city… Danny finally snaps. At this point in his story arc, after everything he has been through, he is more emotionally raw than ever. The framing of this moment almost makes it seem as though he summons the Iron Fist without thinking about it– which indicates a dangerous loss of control, and is something that usually only happens in extreme situations.

Danny: “My hand–?! It’s glowing, the power of my chi surging thru my body… almost as if my instincts have realized what my mind has not–”

Iron Fist vol. 1 #11 by Chris Claremont, John Byrne, and D. Garfield

The final battle with the Hand is, for us, the weakest part of Danny’s Defenders arc, in which his story suffers for the sake of facilitating the team-up. After all of his defeats, face-to-face with the Hand, defending K’un-Lun’s legacy and standing in the skeleton of a freaking dragon, Danny should have been the one to finally triumph and take them down. Instead, he gets rescued, and isn’t even involved in blowing up Midland Circle. Danny has earned the right to spearhead this victory, and that right is taken away from him. As it stands, his mission to find closure and cement his status as the Iron Fist will have to wait until his solo show.

By the end of The Defenders, however, Danny has achieved one of his goals: he has started to build a new family for himself. His one-on-one bonding scene with Luke while tied up, and fighting side-by-side with all three of them, cleared up his residual anger about their getting him into this situation in the first place and proved that these are people he could actually have a future with. This bond is strengthened by the fact that Matt, in what Danny understands to be his dying moments, entrusts him with an important mission.

Of all of the protagonists, Danny is the least emotionally connected to New York City. Yes, he was born there, but it’s not his home. Believing K’un-Lun to be gone, he is now adrift. Like Colleen, he is looking for an anchor, and with the Hand threatening NYC, he was able to somewhat transfer his feelings of duty over to this new city now facing the same fate.

He sees Matt give his life to save his home– something he understands all too well– and through observing that love and spending the show fighting for New York himself, Danny starts to forge a connection to it. He respects Matt’s sacrifice, and in having Matt’s mission transferred to him, he is given something new he can devote himself to. His final shot, silhouetted on a rooftop and wearing an outfit reminiscent of his current costume in the comics, mirrors Matt’s standard hero pose. We’ve talked before about Iron Fist as a “professional” hero– someone whose job just happens to align with that lifestyle. The first time Danny is referred to as a superhero in the comics, he’s shocked, in fact, because this had never occurred to him. The same is true of MCU Danny, which makes it extra exciting that he has now– to a degree that we can only guess at the moment– taken over Matt’s role as a superhero.

This should not derail his continuing identity quest. Being the Iron Fist is at the core of who he is, and in many ways, his origin story is far from over. For this reason, we doubt that he will actually become Daredevil, as he did for a while in the comics. But with the Hand having been taken down, a new place to call home (at least until the K’un-Lun situation is sorted out), budding friendships (and possibly a future partnership with Luke?!), Danny’s life is looking, overall, much better than it was at the beginning of the show.

We cannot wait to see where he goes from here.

#Defenders spoilers #radical-bears #Netflix Defenders #Iron Fist #Danny Rand #Asks #Commentary

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docholligay · 7 years

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Between Us Girls

Perhaps, as @keyofjetwolf herself put it, the first Cagney and Lacey fanfic written in 15 years, commissioned by her. Friendship feelings, rare coming out drama from me, please let Jet know if you liked this at all (also me) Please bear in mind I have seen exactly *ONE* episode of C&L, so, this might be terrible.

To say Chris wasn’t paying attention wasn’t entirely fair, and so Mary Beth wouldn’t have said it. She wished she had the words for what it was, that way Chris had of paying too much attention, focusing so intensely on the job that everything else got pushed from her mind, her eyes laser focused on the door to the small apartment building.

It always meant something else. Not that Chris wasn’t a good cop--most times, Mary Beth would say she was a great cop, a little old-school, a little reckless, mostly with herself, but a great cop. All that being true didn’t change the fact that Chris never focused more on the job than when something else in her life was falling apart.

It was wet and cold, the grey drizzle falling over the New York streets, the sidewalks shining like ice under the streetlights, and might have been, for how cold it felt. It seemed to match the wet and grey of Chris’ mood.

Mary Beth had gotten to know the different flavors of Chris’ distracted melancholy, over the years, and what it felt like when her father drank too much too often, when she drank too mucha and too often, when her job was frustrating her, and this one, her least favorite of them all, that Chris never opened the door to, that Mary Beth was never allowed to see.

That Chris’ door on the subject was about as effective as a clear plastic shower curtain didn’t seem to matter.

Chris kept her laser focus on the door, sipping at her coffee. Mary Beth privately wondered if there was anything else in it, but decided the moment wasn’t right, and besides, it would have been tough for Chris to sneak away from her to do it, and so she simply shrugged internally and leaned back in the seat.

“Cold tonight.” It was a cheap entry, but Chris didn’t usually have a very expensive cover charge.

Chris nodded. “More coffee in the thermos if you want it.”

Not spiked then, Mary Beth thought. That was, at the least, a good sign for the moment. She’d be reasonably clear-headed.

Mary Beth often found herself in this position with Chris, of wanting to talk, walking to let out the poison, and knowing that Chris wanted anything but. Of knowing how she would react, always defensively and as if she had something to hide, even if she could never hide anything from Mary Beth. That was the joke of it, always, the way Chris thought she could pull one over, even after all these years.

She would never let anyone else say Chris was stupid, but sometimes, Chris was stupid, and Mary Beth was very satisfied to say it to herself.

“You're sure quiet tonight.” She gave Chris a chuckle. “You mad at me or something?”

“No,” Chris smiled reassuringly, “Of course not. Just got a lot on my mind.” She shuffled down further into the seat, her coat climbing around her ears.

“Want to talk? Nothing else to do, waiting for a perp.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Sure it is.” It was never anything, when it was this thing. She always tried to slam the door in Mary Beth’s face, ignoring that she’d had a key for years, and it didn’t do much good.

“What’s got you in such a mood?” Chris bristled against her casual disbelief.

Mary Beth took a deep drink of her own coffee. “Can we talk about what’s really going on with you? As friends?”

Chris took in a deep breath. “I mean, you know my luck with men,” She shrugged, “always looking at the wrong one, in the wrong place, wrong time.”

Mary Beth sighed and shook her head. “Oh Chris, it’s not some man, it’s never some man, stop lying to me.”

That put her in a snit.

“Well, what do you want, Mary Beth?” She shrugged aggressively, pointedly looking out the windshield, not even angling her face toward Mary Beth

I want you to stop hiding from me. I want you to trust me. I want you to be honest with me. I want to be able to know all of you. I want you to know I know. I want you to be safe with me.

“You know I already know? Right?” Mary Beth looked at her, suddenly tired of the carried secret over the years, tired of the way in made Chris, who trusted her in so many things, cagey and quiet and suspicious.

Chris snorted and smacked her hand on the steering wheel and turned to Mary Beth. ‘Then why make me say it?!”

“Because I want you to trust me, you stubborn ass! You can tell me anythi--”

She waved her hand. “Mary Beth, this isn’t any of your business--”

“You’re gay, Christine! There it is. I told you, now you can tell me, okay?”

They sat in silence, Mary Beth’s arms crossed in front of her, Chris staring out the driver’s window, turned away from her.

“I’ve known a long time, Chris.” Mary Beth looked over at her. “When we first partnered up, about six months after that. I saw you with a woman, walking down the street. Harv and I had a date in the city. Seems like a lifetime ago.”

“What, I can’t have friends?!” She crossed her arms leaned against the window.

“Aw, Chris, don’t insult me, I know you like my 2 foot square backyard. You don’t look at your friends like you were looking at her. You don’t dress like she was dressed to get a drink with a friend.” She decided to go for broke. “You don’t look at men that way. You’ve tolerated every sad double date we’ve been on.”

Chris said nothing, not even mounting an attempt at denial, simply continued to stare out the window, not looking at the building in front of them so much as looking through it, and Mary Beth felt a pang of guilt. She hadn’t meant to hurt Chris. She’d meant to make her feel better. To make her feel cared about. That was always its own battle with her, to let you show her love and care, to keep her from using everything as a weapon against herself, from pushing people away.

Mary Beth had stood and fought, from day one, whether Chris liked it or not.

The coffee steamed as Chris sat silent, the moments stretching into a block of silence, and she swore she could hear Chris’ mind whirring, chastising herself for being too much this and not enough that.

It wasn’t like she blamed her. If it got out in the squad, it was hard to say what would happen. She can’t imagine the lieutenant would be too surprised. Esposito’d be shocked, Isbecki would say he’d known the whole time on account of Chris’ disinterest. If Chris were on, she’d shoot back that if that were true, the entire female population of New York would be lesbians.

She probably wouldn’t be on top it that day.

Mary Beth might have to pop off for her.

So no, she didn’t blame her. Except for not trusting her partner.

Thinking over all of this, and imagining Chris thinking the same, Mary Beth grew tired of the quiet, the strangeness hanging between them. If it was already here, she may as well take it all the way home. God only knew when she’d get the chance again. It would nag at her if she didn’t sure as a mosquito in the bedroom.

“Does Charlie know?” As soon as she blurted it, it seemed like an inappropriate question, but that didn’t mean she didn’t want the answer.

Chris looked at her wildly and hit the edge of the steering wheel again. “Of course Charlie doesn’t know! Can you imagine what he’d say? Mary Beth, you can be so--”

Well, she wasn’t sitting and pouting anymore, at least.

She spoke softly. “I think he’d say he loves you, Chris.” She tried to lighten the mood, and chuckled. “And take it easy on the car, you want to cost the city?”

Chris shook her head and leaned toward the window, head in her hand. “Forget I said anything..” She thumped the edge of the window, rattling off words as fast as she could, so fast that an excuse might come. “Everything is so easy for you Mary Beth, you don’t even know--”

“I think he’d feel that way. I know I do. I know it doesn't matter to me, Chris.” She shrugged. “I don’t think Charlie’d feel different from me.”

Chris avoided her gaze, just gesturing into the distance, still sputtering. “Oh you think Harvey’d just be fine with it, you go home and tell him your partner's a--”

“I don’t think Harv’s gonna be very surprised, Christine, I know we’re from Queens, but give us a little credit here.”

Chris looked out the window, but her expression changed, and she bit her lip. “I didn’t ever want to tell you.”

Mary Beth turned her whole body, slightly insulted. “Do you not trust me, or what? We’ve been partners for years, Chris, you think something like that would matter to me? I’m some small-minded idiot? It’s the 80s, Chris, for God’s sake.”

Chris turned toward her, her face in a scowl. “You don’t understand, Mary Beth, it matters to everyone. Easy for you to say, with your nice husband and your nice kids you can bring everywhere, and everyone understands, and it’s so EASY for you, Mary Beth, you don’t have to spend your entire life holding your breath.”

Mary Beth’s face softened, and she nodded. “You’re right. It is easy for me.”

Chris paused a moment, taken aback by her easy admittance of the fact, as if she’d expected nothing but a fight. Chris had spent her whole life ready to fight.

But Mary Beth didn’t come with a fist. Maybe that was always what was hardest of all.

“But I’m not the world, Christine. I’m Mary Beth Lacey, and I care about you, and I want to be a part of your life. All of it.” She reached out and touched Chris’ forearm. “You don’t have to go it alone, Chris.”

Chris just looked at her, searching her face, the partner she had known so well and who she had trusted in so many ways asking her to trust her in just one more.

“You won’t tell anyone?” She asked cautiously.

“I’ve known for years.” Mary Beth shrugged and gave a reassuring laugh. “Not even interesting to me now, there’s nothing to tell.” She patted her arm. “But I promise. I won’t even tell Harvey, if you don’t want me to, though, kinda ruins my plans to ask you and your girlfriend,” she hoped it came out smoothly, she had practiced saying it to Chris so many times, “over for dinner.”

Chris gave a weak laugh. “What girlfriend?”

“You’re as much of a disaster with women as you pretended to be about men? Chris, I’m shocked.” Mary Beth quipped dryly.

Chris laughed, genuinely this time. “You can be a real shit, you know that, Mary Beth?”

“So who was she?” Mary Beth sipped at her coffee. “And why do we hate her?”

“Her name was Dana.” Chris’ shoulders, for once, seemed to relax. “And the trouble is I don’t hate her at all.”

“That’s what I’m here for, anyways.”

“Mary Beth?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

The man they were looking for never did materialize that night. Whether he caught wind of where they were looking, or stopped at the bar and had to many, or was caught off guard by a downed subway line, they couldn’t say. Mary Beth would never remember. But what she did remember, in all the years that followed, the shared joys and pains and victories and struggles, is the warm night in the freezing cold New York streets, where she felt like she saw the whole of her best friend for the first time.

#a holligay joint

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avaalons · 7 years

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Chris Evans Fic: At Some Point (Young and in Love Part 2)

I’m on holiday from work at the moment, can you tell? This one was an anonymous request based on a recent interview Chris did where he was asked about whether he wants a family. It’s fluff, you know the drill. I have done pregnancy fics before but who am I to turn down a request for more fluff??

All parts to this series:

Young & in Love

Part 1: Beard & Glasses & Pushed Back Hair

Part 2: At Some Point

Part 3: The Dogs Aren’t Allowed Upstairs

Part 4: His Girls Episode 1

Part 5: His Girls Episode 2

***

“Does that mean Chris wants to be a daddy?”

‘Chris does want to be a daddy at some point.’

You watched your boyfriend reply through your television screen, a smile on his face, for what felt like the twentieth time.

Rewind. Play.

‘Chris does want to be a daddy at some point,’ he replied in, unsurprisingly, the same way each and every time you rewound and replayed his response.

You, of course, knew why this particular response was of such interest to you and why it made your stomach flip each time you heard it. But Chris didn’t. Yet. And that was the issue playing over and over in your mind, and each replay of his response to that particular question sent a wave of uncertainty through you. At some point. Not now. Not as soon as humanly possible. Not right away. Just at some point.

Chris had very gracefully dodged most of the questions pertaining to your relationship, for which you were thankful, but he’d been unusually candid with the children and family questions, and that in itself had all kinds of queries rearing their heads in your mind.

It wasn’t even as though you hadn’t discussed children, because you had, several times. It was a foregone conclusion by now - whenever you mentioned the future, it was accepted that marriage and kids were a part of it. But here he was, with his at some point response and here you were, very much knocked up in the now. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t worry you at least a little. Damn antibiotics interfering with your contraception. Damn Chris surprising you on Valentine’s Day and making you forget you were on the damn medication. Double, triple, quadruple damn! But there was nothing for it but to wait for him to come home, because if there was one thing you were sure of, it was that this was not a conversation for FaceTime.

***

After a few days of Chris being away on the press tour and you sneakily keeping up with it all via texts from him and some non-company policy use of the internet at work, you decided that you were going to have to ask him to come home in between finishing up the tour in New York and moving out to Atlanta to start filming Infinity War. You’d never asked him to do this kind of thing before and already felt beyond selfish as you speed dialled him, your fingers trembling. You knew it would mess up his schedule but he needed to know before Atlanta. You’d checked your respective calendars and at best it could be weeks, at worst months, before you actually managed to be in the same room together again.

‘Hey there sweetheart, how’s work today? Hellish without me to go home to, I imagine,’ you could hear the smile in his voice and you ached for him.

‘As always,’ you tried to perk your voice up but it didn’t come out the way you’d envisaged it in your head and Chris picked up on your subdued tone instantly and spoke before you had a chance to ask him how his day was going.

‘Hey now, what’s up? Is everything okay there?’

‘Yeah, I’m fine, Dodger’s fine, everything’s fine.’

‘That’s an awful lot of fine. Out with it baby, what’s wrong?’

You took a deep breath, 'Look, I know you’re really crazy busy and you know I wouldn’t ask just on a whim, but I just don’t think I can wait until I can fly out to Atlanta-’

'What do you mean? What can’t you wait for?’

'Chris, is there any chance you could get back here between New York and Atlanta? Just for a day or two at least.’

His tone, when he replied, was perplexed and you could tell there were probably a million questions running through his mind. You could also tell he was mentally trying to work out his schedule, to see what he could do, 'Sweetheart, I -’

Your words came out all in a panicked rush, 'I know, I know, I feel terrible for asking. I’m so sorry. It’s just, I need to see you and talk to you and I don’t know when else we could be together that’s not weeks and weeks from now.’

'Baby, calm down. Don’t apologise at all. I’m getting Josh on the case right now,’ there was a pause in his words to you and then you heard his voice at a distance, clearly telling his assistant what he needed. After a few seconds, he was back, 'Okay, it’s getting sorted, there’s a tiny bit of wiggle room if I can finish up here in good time in the next couple of days, so don’t worry about it at all. But now, tell me if you’re actually okay, because I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t starting to get a bit worried here.’

'No, no, I’m fine honestly, it’s nothing to get stressed over. I just… I need to talk to you and I think we need to be in the same room for it. It’s just not one for over the phone, you know.’

It was silent for a few moments at his end and when he spoke, his voice was quiet and unsure, 'You’re not breaking up with me, are you?’

'What?!’ you half-laughed, 'No, of course not, doofus. Honestly, I’m good, we’re good. You’ll just… you’ll want to be here for this conversation.’

'I can’t say that makes me feel much calmer but at least I know I’ll still have a girlfriend when I get to LA. Are you sure there’s nothing wrong? You’re healthy? Dodger’s not been run over?’ he clearly couldn’t help but imagine a whole host of possible and terrible scenarios.

'I swear to you Chris, I’m not going anywhere, and Dodger is sat right here next to me, perfectly alive and intact. All will become clear when you’re home, all right? I’m sorry to fuck your schedule up.’

'Stop being sorry, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for. You need me, I’m there: that’s the way it needs to work with us. Just, look after yourself and I’ll see you in a couple days, okay?’

'Yes boss, see you in a few days. Let me know if you need picking up from the airport.’

'Will do. Love you.’

'Love you too.’

***

The remaining days were going horrendously slowly. Chris kept himself reassured by sending her selfies and cute messages when he saw things that reminded him of her. The assurance came in her continued replies. He knew she said that there was nothing to worry about but she’d never asked him to come home when he was working before so he knew her motivation must have been important, whatever it was. He couldn’t help but be concerned.

He kept up his usual public persona for the press and television appearances, and for Mckenna - this whole circus was incredibly exciting for her and she didn’t need to be affected by his pensive mood - but God, he wished the minutes would go by even just a little faster. He always actively tried to be in the present and appreciate everything around him, but knowing his girlfriend needed him when there were almost three thousand miles between them completely trumped all of his live-in-the-present efforts.

But finally, finally it was time to say his goodbyes to all the people that had been his close knit team for the last few weeks and leave New York. Only one plane journey now stood between him and whatever time-sensitive, non-phone appropriate, mystery conversation she needed to have with him and he could get some answers, hopefully laying his worries to rest.

He checked in with less time than he would have usually liked to have spare and headed straight to the gate, typing out a text as he went:

Boarding in thirty minutes so will be with you soon. Got a ride from LAX, don’t worry. Can’t wait to see you, love you.

The reply was almost immediate and uncharacteristically short, full of all the things she wasn’t saying.

See you soon, love you.

Once in his seat, Chris jammed on his headphones, pulled his cap down over his eyes and tried to sleep, praying the flight would be quick and smooth.

***

You’d been to work, been to the market for groceries and now you were laying atop the bed you shared with Chris, obsessively checking the LAX arrivals on your phone, so you knew when his flight had landed on time. You also knew you now had around forty five minutes to an hour to calm the fuck down and figure out what you were going to say.

At some point. At some point. At some point.

Part of you wanted to choke him with those ridiculously non-committal words, even though the rational side of you knew that it was vague response precisely because it was an interview and he never liked to give much about his personal life away.

Hey baby, how was your flight? By the way, I’m pregnant so that 'at some point’ response better have been an interviewer friendly response and not your actual true feelings.

Would that do? Or maybe:

At some point?? At some point?? No, Christopher, fucking now is what’s actually happening.

You flung your limbs about on the mattress in a mixture of irritation and anxiety, annoyed that you were in this position and that you couldn’t just be happy about it. Because you were! You had a teeny tiny little bean of a human growing inside you that was fifty per cent you and fifty per cent Chris, and no matter what happened elsewhere in your life, you were going to be a mother. Thinking about that simple fact, you shook out your tense limbs and forced yourself into a state of calm, breathing deeply and, with your eyes closed, focusing all your energy on that little spark of life just beginning to develop. Dodger soon joined you, calmed by your stillness, and laid his head on top of your stomach.

His gentleness surprised you given that he was generally a fairly boisterous and active two year old dog, and when you tilted your head up to look at him, he was in full protection mode, shielding your onboard cargo in the best way he knew how.

'Oh Dodger,’ you smoothed the fur on top of his head with your fingertips, 'Everything’s going to be different now, isn’t it?’

***

Up until the moment Chris stepped through his front door, he had thought he didn’t know what to expect when he arrived home. But upon arriving home to find that there weren’t actually any bags packed by the front door and that both the love of his life and his dog were clearly living and breathing in front of him, standing on their own feet, he realised he’d been subconsciously expecting every single worst case scenario possible, despite all the assurances to the contrary.

He was still, he found, a little wary as he let his bag fall to the floor and accepted Dodger’s greeting. So far so good, everything seemed normal, except that Dodger was maybe a tad quieter than usual and Chris had yet to receive his girlfriend’s usual enthusiastic welcome. She was stood just a few paces away from him in the hall, unsure and nervous with one hand gripped around the elbow of her opposite arm.

Chris held out a hand to her, beckoning, 'Come here, baby.’

She did, thankfully, reciprocate and placed her hand in his, allowing herself to be pulled into his warm embrace. No matter what the reasons were for needing to come home, before he did anything else he just needed to take her in. It had been weeks. She smelled of strawberries and vanilla and buried his face in the crook of her neck, breathing in the scent from her hair, before planting a kiss on the sensitive skin under her ear lobe. He gently cupped her head on either side and tilted her head to his.

'Hello,’ he said in delayed greeting.

'Hi,’ she replied, a small smile ghosting her lips before pushing up on her tiptoes to kiss him, 'How was your flight?’

'Long,’ he still held her head carefully in his hands, as though he was handling a precious artefact, tracing small paths on her cheekbones with his thumbs.

'Shall I get some dinner started?’

'No,’ was his soft but definitive reply.

'Okay.’

He noticed that her gaze kept darting away from his, fractionally and only for a second, but it was enough to be noticeable. He knew she’d probably make to pull away before too long.

'Spill it sweetheart, what’s got you so worked up?’ He carefully watched for changes in her expression but he couldn’t keep track of the emotions flitting across her face. All he was sure of were those big eyes, glistening with uncertainty.

She took an inward breath and almost began to speak, her bottom lip quivering, but the words halted before she could get them out. It was then she began to pull away from him.

'Just let me - I need to get something from upstairs.’

Chris released her reluctantly, huffing out a breath in impatience, 'Babe, give me a break, I’ve been on tenterhooks for days now and I’ve been so worried about what I was coming home to. Out with it already!’

But she’d already darted half way up the stairs.

'Just one second!’ her voice drifted from the first floor. He heard her light footsteps across the landing then disappear as she entered one of the upstairs rooms. Within thirty seconds she was descending the stairs again, both hands behind her back.

***

'I’m going to need you to close your eyes and hold out a hand,’ you told him as you approached.

He was instantly confused and you knew you were pushing him close to the edge of his patience, 'What? Why-’

'Just do it, trust me.’

You had decided earlier, as you lay in your state of enforced calmness with Dodger curled around you, that you didn’t have to tell Chris the news at all, that you could simply show him and hope that his reaction was a good one.

And now, here you were, the moment of truth, approaching your unfairly handsome boyfriend with his eyes obediently closed tight and a hand outstretched, palm facing the ceiling.

'No peeking until I say,’ you crept towards him, your heart pounding and your breath stuck in your throat. Time seemed to stand still around you. Even Dodger was a statue, watching the two of you intently. You were focused on Chris’ even breathing (he was keeping control of it on purpose, you knew) and as your gaze swept over his face, you took a moment to notice, for the millionth time, the feathering of his dark, thick eyelashes, those high cheekbones, the straight nose and plump lower lip. But this time, for the first time, you were free to wonder which of those features that you loved so much would be inherited by your child.

Tenderly, you laid the slim white stick in his hand and quickly stepped back a few paces, as though you’d just lit a firework.

After pausing for a beat just to steel yourself, you gave your instruction, 'Right, you can open your eyes now.’

And you braced yourself for impact.

***

Chris opened his eyes, allowing them to adjust again to the change in light, and he saw her standing more than an arm’s length away, looking expectant and uncertain.

He instantly turned his focus to the object she had placed in his hand, knowing that whatever it was would, hopefully, answer all the questions he had pinging around his head.

And what he saw there made his world stop.

A small, white plastic stick with a tiny window that definitely had 'Pregnant’ displayed in it. Pregnant. He felt like he had no words and too many all at once, but either way nothing was coming out of his mouth. He stared at it before raising his hand to hold it closer and make sure he wasn’t seeing things. Pregnant.

'Chris? Please say something,’ a quiet plead from the woman he loved beyond everything, the woman who was going to make him a father.

He flickered his gaze to her and pointed at the stick, 'This - pregnant?’

'Yep, pregnant. Knocked up. Bun in the oven. Up the duff,’ she was humouring him and his less than eloquent reaction, he knew.

He looked back down at that little word in that little window.

'You?’

She barked out a nervous laugh, 'No, Chris, it’s Dodger,’ a good natured roll of the eyes, 'Of course it’s me! I think we’ve got a Valentine’s baby on our hands. Can you at least give me some indication of how you feel about this? Because I’m not getting a lot and I was nervous enough already.’

Chris still hadn’t looked up so she walked the gap between them, closing her hand around his and folding his fist around the test stick, 'Look, I know this is a big shock, and I’ve just sprung this on you now when I’ve had a few days to get used to the idea, but we have always talked about kids, haven’t we? It’s not like this baby is unwanted, a surprise though he or she may be. I know this is a bit sooner than 'at some point’ like you said in that interview and I know it’s super bad timing with filming starting up but we’ll figure it all out. We’ve always figured things out before. And it might be okay, you’ll be filming until September, the baby will be due October, and you won’t be doing the press tour until next year so I think it will all work out, right? Chris?’

***

She was rambling, which meant she was really, really nervous and he, like the douchebag he was, was just standing there, frozen, a useless lump doing nothing to give her any indication as to his thoughts. All she really needed, and had needed for days now, was some reassurance that he was with her in this. And he was. One hundred and fifty percent.

Finally, he found some vocabulary and came back to the present.

'Sweetheart… I’m just - I’m actually going to be a dad, Jesus Christ, this is just - it’s incredible,’ he ran a hand through his hair, his eyes wide with realisation as a disbelieving peal of laughter escaped him. He cupped her chin reverently as he brought his lips to meet hers, showing her all the excitement and joy and adoration and gratitude that he felt pouring out of him, 'I don’t know what I expected when you called saying you needed me to come home, but it certainly wasn’t anything as amazing as this. Are you happy? I think I’m miles and miles beyond happy now!’

'Well, I am now,’ she beamed up at him.

'What do you mean?’ his smile faded slightly as his brow furrowed.

'Well, you know, it’s not like we were trying or anything and I saw that interview you did the other day when you were asked about having kids and you said “at some point.” God, I’ve been playing that line over and over in my head,’ she admitted, 'I thought you were going to freak out.’

He pulled his fist, still wrapped around the stick, out of her hand and encased her in his arms, crushing her to his chest, 'Oh sweetheart, you know I’m purposefully vague about stuff like that in them. I never want our lives to be spilled across the magazines and the internet. Can you imagine if I’d turned around and said 'yes, as soon as possible please’? You’d have been under baby bump scrutiny with immediate effect.’

He pulled back slightly to look at her square in the face, wanting her to believe every single thing he was about to say, 'Trust me when I say that no one, anywhere in the world, is as happy as I am right now, okay?’

She nodded in reply, tears welling in her eyes, reflecting the light from the room.

'What’s wrong?’ he asked, softly swiping a thumb across her lower lid, catching the droplets of moisture as they escaped, 'There’s no need to cry. This is what you want, right?’

She nodded sharply to dismiss any notion that she might anything less than thrilled to be pregnant, 'I’m just so relieved. I can’t believe how much I was hoping for this moment to go exactly as it just has.’

'I’m sorry my interview made you worry. But honestly, this is…just everything I’ve ever wanted. Have you told your parents yet? My parents?’

'No, of course not. Obviously you needed to know before anyone else.’

'Shall we call them all now?’

***

Chris clearly wanted to be able to share his happy news as quickly as possible but you wanted to bask in this moment, just the two of you, for a little longer. You wanted to have a nice dinner together. You wanted Chris to fire up the patio grill while you made salad to go with the steaks you’d seen at the market earlier and had placed in the cart when you’d had a sudden and irrepressible craving for it. You wanted to curl up under a blanket with him on the garden sofa, Dodger at your feet, and watch the sun set behind the hills, making the city lights twinkle below you. You wanted to listen to the distant rush of traffic and the aeroplanes on their gradual gradients up and down out of the sky. You wanted to just be two people, young and in love, relishing this life-changing moment in quietness together while the rest of the world rushed on, unaware of your joy and your contentment.

So rather than answer Chris’ question with an affirmative, you simply shrugged and replied, 'At some point.’

#chris evans #chris evans imagine #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fic #chrisfic

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neverisalongtime-ja-blog · 7 years

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Chapter 20: New Year, new disappointment

Hello everyone! Is Thursday again. First of all I want to say that I'm extremely sad about the Chris Cornell news. Is a terrible feeling when your idols start to die.

In fic’s news I really hope no one hates me for this chapter. Said that I want to see feedback, people. Talk to me! Tell me if you like the fic or if you hate it, anything!

You can talk to me here or in at Anastasia’s IG profile that you must follow! Specially if you wan to see the ring Josh gave to An as Christmas gift in the last chapter!

Anastasia_Truman

Much love to you all! ❤️️

——————————————————

Read chapter 19

After the episode between Anastasia and Josh on Christmas Day the relationship started to feel strange. Josh had to work that week, helping on the production of a record for a new pop singer; he was assisting a friend of his that was the actual producer. Anastasia didn’t know about him for days, she thought he was really busy and, just like her, he doesn’t want to be bothered while being in the studio so she didn’t try hard to reach him.

- You are coming to my house for the New Year’s party, right? – Hannah was asking Anastasia on the phone.

- Sure! Text me this week what I should bring – Anastasia answered.

- Don’t worry, we’ll be in contact! – Hannah said before ending the call.

Anastasia and Mandy were having breakfast that morning in a little coffee shop in Los Angeles.

- Peyton is going with me to Hannah’s house for New Year’s Eve – Mandy said – He thought we were going to Malibu but I really wanna spend that day with all of you. I mean we have spent so much time of this year together.

- I haven’t talked to Josh about it but I guess we’ll be there too. Actually, I haven’t talked with Josh a lot these days.

- Is he still mad because you don’t want to get married?

- It’s not like that. It’s just that… I guess that’s where the age gap has an effect on the relationship.

- It’s not a big age gap, though.

- Yes. I know. But I don’t want to get married yet, Mandy. I still have so much to do and you know I don’t believe in that. Our relationship is still young; I guess we have to… I don’t know, live together first.

- You’ve kind of been doing it.

- It’s not the same!

- Did you tell him about… you know, the kids problem?

- The fact that I can’t get pregnant? – It was a subject that Anastasia had tried to avoid for a large part of her life, it wasn’t hard for her to talk about it, yet only Barbara and Mandy knew, she just didn’t want people to feel pity for her.

- Well, if you want to throw it like that, yes.

- I wanted to but I couldn’t. The atmosphere was so tense and I thought it would make everything worse. I’m afraid that if I tell him he will run away.

- You are joking right? You have to tell him! It’s obvious that he wants to be a father and I think his love for you is rock solid.

- And we can still be parents, we can adopt or we can have a surrogate mother. I can’t believe we are talking about this right now.

- He needs to know, An.

- Well, I’ll talk to him when I see him. I really haven’t seen him much this week.

- That’s weird.

- He’s been busy, working with this chick, a new pop singer.

- Remember when we wanted to be pop singers?

- I always thought I was going to be the next Britney Spears.

- I wanted the short outfits, the big choreographies, the drama, everything!

- There’s another thing – Anastasia changed the subject as she remembered something -When we went to have dinner with his parents last week, his father mentioned that he was happy Josh found a girl with her shit together, he said that I was successful and things like that and Josh took that in a strange way. The ambient got tense. I don’t know.

- That is even weirder. Why would he act like that?

- He didn’t want to talk about it afterwards. I didn’t mention it, neither.

The girls didn’t give any further importance to the Josh issue and dedicated their time to enjoy their breakfast.

On the last day of the year, Anastasia was at her house getting ready for Hannah and Eric's party. She had been trying to reach Josh all week but he didn’t answer his phone. He only sent her a text the night before in which he accepted going to the party with her and agreeing to meet there. Anastasia felt anxious, Josh never acted like that before; but she knew he was busy.

“Was he really that angry?” She told herself to get through it and try to enjoy the party.

She arrived to Hannah and Eric’s house with Mandy and Peyton. Everyone was already there, even Josh’s sister Kelly. Everyone but Josh.

- I thought my brother was coming with you – Kelly told Anastasia taking a sip of her wine glass.

- Your brother has been acting strange- Anastasia answered – He told me we will meet here – She couldn’t help but notice Eric and Jonnathan giving a worried look to each other. She ignored it.

- That’s so Josh – Kelly said.

- What do you mean?

- My brother is not made to date strong women like you – Kelly stopped talking realizing she said more than she should– Don’t mind me, I’m kind of drunk already.

After a couple of hours at the party, Anastasia walked outside the house and tried to call Josh again as he hadn’t appeared yet. He didn’t answer but she left him a voicemail.

- So I’ve been at Eric’s place for two hours already and I wanted to know if you are actually gonna come. I’m looking kind of foolish here waiting for you and I’m kind of angry too, it’s New Year’s Eve Josh… Where the fuck are you?! – She started to raise her voice – I mean Josh… God! I’m going to hang up, I really hope you come here tonight.

She felt a pair of arms behind her and she thought it might be Josh, but it was only Mandy.

- Come and enjoy the party – She said.

- I look like a fucking idiot. I’m here WITH HIS FRIENDS! And he is not here! I don’t even know where he is. Don’t you think that he is...?

- No baby, he isn’t cheating on you. Maybe he doesn’t feel right and he is sleeping – Mandy said but both girls knew that was pretty unreal.

Anastasia went back into the house with Mandy and sat with Kelly and Hannah. Everyone at the party was being funny and making the ambient entertaining. Nobody mentioned Josh and even though Anastasia had a good time, she tried to call Josh a few more times and sent him a couple of texts. As they did the countdown to midnight, she realized Josh wasn’t going to appear. She wished a great New Year to everyone, excused herself and left the place, called an Uber to her house and threw herself on her bed just to cry.

She didn’t notice when the sun came up. She saw a small light line coming through the curtains. She got up from the bed, took a long shower, then walked to the kitchen, once there she heard a couple of knocks on the door.

- It’s open! – She yelled.

Anastasia heard the door being open and then Josh appeared on her kitchen.

- �� Well, you decided to appear.

- I’m so sorry – Josh said taking a seat on one of the stools at the kitchen island. He didn’t even try to hug Anastasia.

- I don’t care – Anastasia said without looking at him and started to make coffee.

- An…

- Do you even know how stupid I felt last night? – She said focusing on the coffee machine, turning her back to him.

- Something came up with my family and I had a bad reception – Anastasia turned around to look at him.

- Are you really lying to me?

- I’m not…

- Kelly was with me last night. If something had happened with your family we would have known! – Anastasia couldn’t believe Josh was lying right now. He realized that and couldn’t say more - This is some other level, Josh. What’s wrong with you?

- I’ve been thinking a lot this week… And I don’t know if I want to keep doing this.

- Doing what?

- This relationship.

- Is it because I don’t want to get married right now?

- No An. I’m sorry. I know I look terrible to you right now. I don’t have a right reason to do this but I feel it’s just right.

- Are you breaking up with me and you don’t even give me a reason? – Anastasia was losing her patience – What the fuck, Josh! – She yelled at him.

- I’m sorry – Josh said looking to the floor.

- Sorry? You sorry? Fuck you, Josh. Just leave! Get out of my house right now! – She screamed.

- But…

- GET OUT!

Josh did what she said and left the house. Anastasia was shocked, heavily breathing. The anxiety was taking over and the rage too. She poured herself a cup of coffee, looked at the cup and threw it with all her forces at the wall in front of her as she yelled “Fuck you, Josh!” with all the strength of her lungs. Then she felt as all the energy left her body and she fell on the kitchen floor to cry, to cry her heart out. Her brain stopped functioning and she just lay there, in the cold kitchen floor. She was shocked and paralyzed.

She remained there in fetal position for a long time. She didn’t know for how long but it was already dark outside as she heard the front door again, this time Mandy appeared in the kitchen, she yelled Anastasia’s name and rushed to be next to her friend.

- An! Are you ok? – Mandy said – I’ve been calling you all day! Barbara tried to reach you but you didn’t answer the phone, not even our texts – Anastasia remembered that her phone was still on her bedroom.

- Josh… broke up with me – She said through sobs. Her face was red and swollen from crying all day.

- Why? – Mandy asked.

- He didn’t tell me – Anastasia tried to get up but she couldn’t without the help of her friend.

Mandy took her to the living room couch and then went to clean the mess that the coffee cup left that morning.

- I don’t understand, Mandy, what did I do wrong? – Anastasia said still crying.

- This is stupid. He is stupid! – Mandy said getting back to the living room – He is just a fucking coward.

- I never thought this would happen again and I can’t believe it hurts this much. It wasn’t even that long – She started to cry again.

- You fell deep for him and all this is so weird, so sudden – Mandy said trying to comfort her friend – This is not the Josh we know.

- I wish I didn’t know him at all right now – Anastasia said between sobs.

Anastasia was waking up from her living coma and all the feelings hit her at once. She felt sadness, anger, disappointment, confusion, madness and on top of it she felt empty. For the last few months she had been swimming in the ocean of love and for a long time she just focused her attention on Josh and the great thing they were building. She forgot she was afraid of this, getting hurt again. She felt bad, even sadder than the time she broke up with Valentine. Josh left a deep imprint on her and she knew it was going to be a long and hard road to get over it.

- What is wrong with me? I’m pretty sure it is me – Anastasia said trying to gasp for air – Maybe I do things wrong and I don’t know how to handle relationships.

- There is nothing wrong with you; the only wrong thing here is all the assholes you find on your way.

- I want to be alone – Anastasia said.

- I know that you wanna be alone but I will not grant you that wish. I can’t leave you alone in this state. I’m gonna make you some soup and tea and I will go out and buy burgers and ice cream ‘cuz you need grease and sugar in your organism right now.

- I don’t want to eat, Mandy. I just want to die – Mandy hugged Anastasia tight.

- Baby, no man in this world deserves you saying such things, much less Josh – Mandy got up from the couch and grabbed her keys – I will come back soon.

After a while, Anastasia also got up from the couch, walked slowly to her bedroom and grabbed her phone with the stupid hope of seeing a message from Josh, but nothing, not even a small word. She went back to the couch and as she stared at nothing she remembered all the times Josh and her shared that couch to eat, watch Netflix or even to make love. For some reason she feel disgusted with herself and felt hate for him, everything in that house reminded her of him. She started to cry again.

Unfortunately, bad news kept coming for Anastasia. Next day she had to put her sadness and illness away to attend a meeting at the label with the rest of the band, only to receive the news that Dead Curse would not continue as the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ opening act, with the exceptions of the shows in New York, Los Angeles and Miami. That was a heavy stone thrown at the band members. Anastasia saw the faces of her mates and the sadness inside her grew bigger. The worst thing is that not even one executive knew how to explain the reasons. “They want to try other artists”, one of them said.

Anastasia remembered that night when Josh told her that he pushed the buttons to make Dead Curse their opening act, and now she was wondering if he did the same but in reverse this time. On the one hand this was great for her, she wouldn’t have to see him every day, and on the other, it was terrible for the band. Mandy, Nick and Eric felt defeated. Anastasia tried to cheer them up, telling them that they would find places to play their own shows, but she wasn’t feeling very positive about life and its courses at the moment, so she failed that mission.

- Last year was so amazing and this one is starting so shitty – Anastasia said on the way home in Eric’s car – I really just need to get home and cry.

- We knew this wasn’t a permanent thing – Nick said – And we get to be part of important shows like New York and LA.

- At least someone is looking at the bright side – Mandy said staring outside the window in the backseat.

After dropping Mandy and Nick at their places, Eric drove Anastasia home and then she asked him to stay. She needed to talk to him; maybe being Josh’s friend he would know the reason behind his decision.

- I’m as shocked as you are – Eric said in the kitchen.

- Come on, Eric! You have to know something – Anastasia said.

- I swear to you I don’t. I wouldn’t lie to you! – He said –I’m actually angry at him. I can’t believe he did this to you.

- No! No, no, no. you can’t be mad at him. You two are friends and share a band! – Anastasia said – I was afraid of this. I don’t want to be the reason of you leaving Dot Hacker or losing a friend.

- But you are my friend too and we share my main band.

- I’m not gonna be Dot Hacker’s Yoko – Eric smiled – At least I haven’t lost my sense of humor. At the New Year’s party I saw you and Jonathan sharing a suspicious glance.

- Really?

- Yes, Kelly mentioned Josh and you two looked at each other.

- I swear I don’t know anything. I only know Josh can be a real asshole sometimes, if I get more information I’ll come to you – Eric started walking to the door – I’m going with Hannah, she is gonna be thrilled to know that I’m going to spend more time in LA with her – Before walking out the door he turned back to Anastasia – You should try and write about this. You only make good songs when you are sad.

- Unfortunately – Anastasia said and Eric closed the door behind him.

He was right, she thought, so she entered her home studio and grabbed a notebook and she took seat in front of a piano. Writing songs was the best therapy for her. It was an incredible way to bring all her feelings and thoughts out. It was like emptying her mind and turning disgrace into beautiful art. She wrote the first two lines with no problem:

“Don't touch the sleeping pills, they mess with my head,

Dredging the Great White Sharks, swimming in the bed”

And the chorus with great agility. The words just came out of her brain to the paper without interruption:

“And oh my love remind me, what was it that I said?

I can't help but pull the earth around me, to make my bed

And oh my love remind me, what was it that I did?

Did I drink too much?

Am I losing touch?

Did I build this ship to wreck?”

After that song, another was written and then another, and by the first sun rays in the morning Anastasia had five songs completed in her notebook.

Read Chapter 21

Author's Note: As you can tell I have no clue in how to write songs so I borrowed Florence and the Machine’s song “Ship to Wreck”, I leave you the video here if you want to hear it. That album ( How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful) is an amazing break up album, it helped me a lot in the past so I fully recommend it.

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