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duckymacaroon · 4 years

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Catching a Dream

So about a day ago I saw that there was a group giving free online courses for graphic design and I thought it was cool, always neat to stay up to date with everything going on. As I contemplated if I should do it or not I told my boyfriend about it. He asked me how much more school am I going to do until I am happy or done. I already have a BA in digital animation and two certifications, one in social media and the other in concept art.

How much more??

Well, it got me thinking, why was I trying to go back to school, why was I trying to learn more, what was I missing. Being that I am in the art field-which is super competitive now- I have been noticing my drive to draw has been down and that my creativity hit a low a few years back. I could never quite figure out what it was, I recently took a 6-month concept art course which was extremely fun and I loved doing it and got a super creative burst from it but now I am back to where I was.

So why?

Well, his question sat with me and I kept thinking about it for the rest of the day and all night. I think I finally concluded after wrestling with the idea. Now, this is a personal discovery and by no means is this meant for everyone but I looked back at past and there were a few things that noticed. The biggest thing though was a rival, I always had a rival- either they were self-proclaimed by me or just a competitive streak - and it pushed me. In high school I had a rival, someone who was close to me personally but also drew, I always told myself I have to beat that person and it drove me. I would draw endlessly and come up with some of the craziest things. I had at least 30 sketchbooks full of drawings, sketches, and ideas in high school alone. Then again in college, I had rivals more people to compete with, again very close to me and I loved them but I made them my rivals. It drove me to be better, to climb higher, shoot further, and just be creative.

I am starting to sound like Seto Kaiba…

Funny, you always think the hero is right but in the end, the villain has the most common sense. Though Kaiba is more of an ambitious person than a villain.

So I asked myself what was I missing all these years later after college, it was a rival or someone to push me. Once I started working where I am now, I didn’t find a rival, I didn’t find someone who I could compete with or even had equal footing with. Because the job was so different from where I came from it didn’t demand me to find a rival.

So what happened?

Well, I lost my drive…I lost the will to draw all the time, sure I did it here and there but it didn’t seem as much fun. Then I got to take that online course and talk with someone who was in the art field and that moment of talking with him triggered that drive again. Now he was an amazing artist and I didn’t see him as a rival but as a mentor, that being said it still gave me that drive to want to be better, like I needed to prove myself to him and show him I am good.

I missed that.

I know that I can’t always count on someone to motivate me, I have been self-motivating myself for years. It always just seemed easier to tell myself to keep going when I had something to chase, a dream, a goal, or a deadline. I joined ArtStation to help motivate me and it worked, I am part of the challenges now and pushing myself.

So what now…? Well, I don’t know, to be honest, I need to find something to motivate me, to drive me again. Maybe its a person, its a company, it's me…who knows but I am glad that I figured it out. Having no drive or motivating force does change someone, now I am not saying go out and find a rival or be ultra-competitive with everyone you meet. Be friends with people, learn from them, and always be listening. I have been trying to find a job in the art field for a long time now but I haven’t had any luck, I don’t know if it's because of my lack of skills, lack of experience or lack of something but I will figure it out.

I started my own company to help build up my experience since no company was going to give it to me, I’d make my own through freelancing, that would also increase my skills in the process. So I took some steps forward, I even bought a house to give myself space (and to move out of my parent's house) but I have a long way to go and I am not stopping.

My boyfriend has been so encouraging and I figured all this out because of him asking a simple question that made me stop and think. He doesn't hold back any punches and I am glad he didn’t, cause it made me self reflect on an issue I have been dealing with and might have found the answer to or at least getting me closer to a solution.

Thank you for reading, if you made it to the end of this thing-y then you deserve a hug :) *hugs* If you have any advice or just want to tell me I am crazy (though I already did know that) you can leave a comment. :)

#I needed to get that off my chest #self reflection #looking back #I need to keep moving forward #never looking back #hugs for everyone #hugs #art #challenge #development #wait am I using the tags right?#learning #stronger

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thatgirl4815 · 2 years

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Physical & Emotional Trust (meta)

Kinn and Porsche love each other, but they can’t trust each other.

By this point, we know Kinn and Porsche love each other. But we also know that love requires trust. Television dramas are no stranger to mistrust; in fact, trust issues lie at the core of a large number of failed relationships both in fiction and in the real world. But trust is appropriately multi-faceted, and I think KinnPorsche wants us to consider it in more than one light.

In the context of romantic relationships, trust is more than believing your lover will not cheat on you. This goes without saying, but it’s worth discussing how far it extends beyond this, because I think it can easily be reduced to this in the fictional sphere. Trusting someone means respecting their choices, knowing that they will stand behind you even when you're not there to see it, believing that they will support you and stay with you despite obstacles or distance. It’s emotional, certainly, but it’s also physical. In my opinion, the first part of KinnPorsche’s journey was the (relatively subtle) development of their physical trust. What they’re getting to now--and what the end of Ep7 shows--is that they need to merge their level of physical trust with emotional trust. This is not to say that KP do not have any emotional trust, but it’s clearly underdeveloped as a result of their own personal issues (I say ‘their,’ but I mostly mean Kinn’s). Physical trust can exist without emotional trust, as we’ve seen with KP’s relationship up to this point, but a healthy relationship requires the full development of the physical and the emotional.

The lines are understandably blurry when it comes to physical and emotional trust because they intersect in so many ways. But though I’ve made this distinction, a certain degree of emotional trust is necessary to have any amount of physical trust--at least when it comes to the kind of intense physical interactions between Kinn and Porsche.

**Please note that all of this analysis is based on my own personal interpretation of KP’s relationship. I’m not trying to say that this is the "correct” way of reading into KP’s trust throughout the series, only that it is how I personally approach it.

Physical Trust

I don’t think I need to detail this point extensively, as Kinn and Porsche’s physical comfortability is pretty clear by this point. But I don’t think we were able to really prove this comfortability until the end of Ep7. To me, Ep6 shows a lot of this development from Porsche’s side. I reference Porsche individually because Porsche is the one with reason to mistrust Kinn physically for what happened at the end of Ep4. However, after Kinn’s apology and Porsche’s forgiveness, their physical trust seems to be in a good place. Porsche tells Kinn at the end of Ep6 that he forgave Kinn a long time ago, and I think we see that play out partly in how physically close they are throughout the episode (and not just because they’re handcuffed). Porsche lays his head on Kinn’s shoulder, he kisses him back by the waterfall, he engages the kiss at the end and locks Kinn in an embrace. All of these developments hint at the formation of physical trust.

So, then, what is physical trust exactly? It’s tied to emotional trust in a lot of important ways, but at its most basic, physical trust is the comfortability with touch and/or physical proximity. It doesn’t always need to include touch specifically, but it does require physical closeness--believing that your partner will respect your physical being and appreciate it. This goes beyond the kind of sexual encounters that Kinn and Porsche are used to. The inextricable tether to emotional trust is pretty clear here.

There’s a definite arc in episodes 4-7 regarding physical intimacy and the development of physical trust. The kiss in Ep3 is a physically intimate moment, yes, but Ep4 is when the breach of trust occurs. In the moment, under the influence of drugs, Porsche voices his consent and willingness to get physically intimate, but we know that this does not hold up. Whether or not he has feelings for Kinn is beside the point: he was physically violated. His negative feelings towards this act are certainly muddied by his attraction to Kinn, but the point still stands that his physical violation led to emotional harm. Ep4 is, understandably, the peak of physical mistrust in KP’s relationship. So, how do we break down Kinn and Porsche’s development of physical trust?...

Ep4 is where this trust falters, Ep5 is where this trust is continually threatened, Ep6 is the reformation/reconciliation of this trust, and Ep7 is the summit of this trust.

Emotional Trust

Ep7. Where strong physical trust is at its most evident. But it is also where emotional trust is at its most questionable. This intersection is interesting because we know from the end of Ep7 that Kinn and Porsche rely on their physical trust to (at least temporarily) resolve issues with their emotional trust. They are nasty to each other. They go for the weak spots, what they know will set off the other person. For Kinn, it is a reference to his history of mistrust with his previous lover. For Porsche, it is a question of his physical faithfulness. Note how emotional and physical trust intersect yet again--the question of Porsche’s emotional fidelity to Kinn comes with the question of his physical fidelity.

By the time the bathroom scene comes around in Ep7, Kinn and Porsche know they’ve established a strong foundation for physical intimacy. They trust each other in this way. I’d say this is quite a remarkable feat, considering the mistrust that Porsche must’ve been feeling towards Kinn after Ep4. But Ep7 proves just how necessary Ep6 was; it’s probably the most important episode of the series so far for KP’s relationship development. Kinn’s sincere apology and obvious regret combined with Porsche’s physical/emotional attraction to him solidify their physical trust in Ep7. Kinn also feels comfortable initiating intimacy with Porsche now (in a way he clearly didn’t during Ep6 when he pulled away from Porsche’s kiss by the waterfall). He knows they’ve solidifed that trust and they both know they have a strong sexual attraction to one another. So, when KP’s emotional trust is threatened, Kinn relies on their physical trust to mend it.

Kinn knows he screwed up and he knows his mistrust was bringing out his old self. All the regret is visible in his face, but all he can manage to communicate verbally is one broken “I’m sorry” and the rest is offered nonverbally. If Porsche did not also respond to and find solace in physical intimacy, then I don’t think he would’ve accepted this kind of apology.

What I think we’ll see next episode is that physical intimacy is not a proper substitute for an actual conversation. BUT I think it is worth pointing out how comfortable they are physically. The degree of vulnerability they were able to show each other physically does reflect their deep emotional attachment to each other (we already know that Kinn only kisses people he has an emotional attachment to). As I've reiterated throughout this post, to achieve KP’s level of physical intimacy, there must also be some emotional trust there. But it’s not at its proper level to support a healthy, lasting relationship. That’s what needs to be built up.

[GIF by smittenskitten]

Notice how, unlike in Ep4, Kinn and Porsche are eye-to-eye almost the entire time. They’re putting themselves at the same level. Not only that, but they are making constant eye contact. I think this helps to reiterate the emotional vulnerability they are showing through the physical act itself. They care about the reaction of the other person, and they’re saying a lot without saying anything at all.

What hurts is that Kinn and Porsche want to fully trust each other emotionally. They’re desperate for it, as I think we see in the last scene of Ep7. It’s an apology from Kinn and forgiveness from Porsche. What’s also sad is that these trust issues would be largely, if not entirely, absent if Kinn was not so badly affected by his role in the mafia and his past relationship with Tawan. Kinn is taking the lead in the damage to their emotional trust.

~ ~ ~

I might’ve combined ideas a bit too much in this post/muddled some distinctions but hopefully it makes some sense. As always, I’d love to hear everybody else’s thoughts! :)

For more admittedly excessive KP meta, and meta exclusive to Ep7, see this post.

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #kinnporsche meta #I really need to stop this #I keep going down KinnPorsche rabbit holes #Hopefully this isn't just word vomit #But trust was marketed as an integral part of this series from the get go #But I don't think it's fair to say that KP have NO trust #It's just not ALL the trust they need for their relationship to work properly #They've made such progress already but the emotional trust is what needs to be defined before they can really move forward #kinn x porsche #kinn and porsche #KP #kinn theerapanyakul #porsche kittisawasd #porsche pachara #kinn anakinn

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omnificent-orion · 4 years

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“You’re the one that’s changed, Kairi.”

Commission Info | Support My Work

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intensional · 2 years

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Not saying existence is a prison but like

#trying so hard to fix my lil broken brain but.#i can only ever be me!!! never anybody else!!!! i can go only ever go forward!!! never back!!!!#like how do i keep moving when i dont know where im going .#im so upset i need my mind to drop this lil topic but it wont shut up omg.#i dont even think self love could save me from this likeeee its gotta be suffocating either way? this is literally it?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!#⌨️

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tiredbiostudent · 3 years

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as cliche as it is finishing your undergrad with no solid plan for your future does really make you feel lost. like you just got to the end of a rope and have no idea how to proceed. and you have to digest the fact that you won’t have time to lead all the lives you’ve been fantasizing about since you were 12, but that’s ok. I’ve been working on letting go of a lot of things too- I’ve always had this dream of being a prolific biologist, known as being intelligent and cool and on the frontlines of wildlife conservation. but I don’t think I’m cut out for academia and I don’t think I want to do all the behind the scenes work to get there- it’s just something I’ve romanticized for so long that I had accepted it, taken it for granted as an inevitable facet of my future? obviously then something else I’ve been having to reconcile with is what I want to do vs. who I want to be seen as. so yeah. working on letting go!

#my main issue literally is that I’m lazy and dumb and not particularly notable BUT I have a complex where I need everyone else to think I am #the most intelligent person on the planet. yes it is the worst #i keep changing my mind on whether or not I want to do a masters #I think I’ve settled on- in 2 years if I still want to do it I’ll apply but if not I won’t. sounds simply enough you’d think !#but then I keep looking at my friends and people from my bsc program doing cool prestigious postgrad stuff and I just feel so :/ jealous?#or like. I want other ppl to think IM doing cool prestigious postgrad stuff too.#also feels like everyone is moving forward in life but I’m just kinda stagnant and floating doing nothing rn #which well I can’t actually do anything anyways bc my foot #but otherwise I’d be up to nothing regardless #:/ !#just want to hike and camp and do cool wildlife biology field work and take photos for the rest of my life is that too much to ask for #also my parents 1000% expected me to just keep going and going into academia but I cant. I’m not smart or capable enough to do it woof #sorry for rambling 😅😅😅😅#this isn’t even all my thoughts on this but yeaaaaa just tonight’s musings #mine

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maschotch · 2 years

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#i have a lot of thoughts ab reid having this conversation w emily specifically #i dont think he couldve had it with anyone else #she wasnt as close to him she didnt know gideon as long as the others #she didnt really feell.. abandoned.. the way the others did. or if she does she didnt take it personally #sh e has a more objective view of the team as a whole and can see how its affecting them #she saw last episode how tightly morgan held onto hotch even before it was confirmed that gideon was gone #as long as morgan has hotch he'll be ok even if he's still suffering #hotch is the only one who doesnt have anything. the only one who probably deserved a note from him too #but hotch is durable. he'll keep moving forward even if he's in so much pain he can hardly breathe. he deserved a note but he doesnt NEED it #spencer... spencer is more fragile. relied on gideon more. his wounds from his own father are far fresher and sting more than the others #he managed his addiction on his own but he couldnt have done that without the stabilizing presence of the others--even if they didnt help #so when one of those support structures falls gideon knows that spencer's more likely to fall with it. to come undone w the question why #so even if gideon couldnt provide a satisfactory explanation he wanted to at least share his state of mind. how it had nothing to do w reid #3x03 #spencer reid #emily prentiss #jason gideon #cm caps #i think its also telling that spencer didnt even know where the cabin was? he needed to ask hotch #but gideon still knew that spencer would be the one to check on him

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brancadoodles · 3 years

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The swooping continued above their heads, bats taking the place of swallows as the night ate the world.

#royai #young royai #fic rec #the flicker #my fic #raposabranca #GO READ MY FIC if you'd like of course #i need Validation to keep moving forward #but no pressure

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dreamhot · 2 years

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people have been very sweet about the sketch which is nice because i nearly had a mental breakdown at 2am bc i forgot how to draw dream

#semi personal venting ahead .#i am feeling somewhat better rn tho things are still a bit volatile #there was just. a significant loss in the family #and there have been ups and downs #and the fact that i got that news the other day and came back to some abject cruelty on the dash made for . a bad combo #i'm still ...... unhappy about a lot of things #and there's a lot on my plate at the moment #multiple situations i need to deal with (mostly irl but not all)#so yeah i'm . idk how i am quite yet #but . gonna try to keep moving forward ig #because what else can i do #smile.txt

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yohankang · 2 years

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just cancelled my therapy session because i got angry the last time and i don't feel like it now 💀

#i got homework to do but i need more time bc easter and other stuff keep me busy #and i hate making excuses and feeling guilty so 🤷‍♀️ i'll just skip it until i'm ready #bc i don't want it to be like the last time 🙄#when i was trying to explain why i didn't do it. bc i genuinely wanted to but i didn't have time #and she was like oh okay THERE MUST BE SOMETHING KEEPING YOU FROM DOING IT. what are you afraid of?#and i was like sister it's not that deep i'm literally busy. and i have no reason to lie to you because i don't feel i've done wrong #but noooooooo i'm obviously avoiding it #like. it's something i'm actually looking forward to???#and tbh i'm a bit tired of her questioning my every move. ik it's her job but sometimes it's tiring #i know when i'm avoiding shit and keeping myself busy but that's not it #sorry for this rant i'm just annoyed #k.txt

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pynkhues · 2 years

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'Does Logan simply love his kids or only love his kids? Well, I’d have some notes on that. But does he love them? My knee-jerk instinctive reaction is yeah, he does'- Jesse Armstrong in a recent interview kinda implying that whilst Logan loves his children there are other things that he values just as much if not more and wasnt THAT on display last ep. (also good for Brian Cox, I thought he may have fever dreamed that Jesse convo he always brings up).

It's an interesting area to talk about, isn't it?

I'm always kind of curious as to people posing this question of whether or not Logan loves his kids, because I actually do think the answer is yes, even in light of that finale. Is it a pure love? No. A healthy one or a good one? I'd say no to those questions too, but I do think that is what Logan feels for his children, and I think there's a really rich conversation to be had about how we're taught to receive love and how that shapes the way we give it in turn.

I touched on it in this post, but while we talk a lot about the generational trauma at the heart of this show, and of Logan as the instigator of trauma and abuse, we rarely actually talk about him as the receiver of it. Logan's not who this family trauma starts with - he's a link in the chain of it. A child separated from his widowed mother at the age of four and sent to live with a man in a foreign country who, from the scars we saw on Logan's back, beat him frequently and hard with a belt.

We don't know if Noah was a link too or if he was in fact the origin point, but what's clear is that Logan's experience of family, of intimacy and of love was shaped in a household where violence was a common language.

I said it in the post I linked to above too, but the kicked dog metaphor Caroline uses really takes on further meaning in this context too, because we know Logan stayed with Noah while Ewan served in Vietnam. More than that, we know Logan had enough of a relationship with Noah that Noah left his family business to Logan when he died.

How does that abuse warp your idea of love? How does it affect the way you parent your own children? And how does receiving a family business from the only father you've ever known, from the man who systematically abused you and kept you close until he died, impact your ideas of legacy, of family business, of inheritance? Especially when surviving that business and then growing it was the only path you had to claw your way into meaning? Into a better life you could give your children, and, god, how does it feel when you realise that you resent your children for not having been forced to survive in the way you were? When you see everything you gave them and your first thought isn't that you built them a better life, but that you made them weak?

I don't know, but I imagine every ounce of that complicated mess creates someone like Logan. Does it make him a sympathetic character? No, I don't think so, he's a pretty huge monster, haha, but I think it makes him a really compelling one, and I think it's more interesting because he does love his kids, but he can't help himself from his own cockroach survivalism, his own self-interest, his selfishness, and from turning the abuse he received into abuse he can extend. All of his unmanaged trauma is something thrust onto the shoulders of his children, left for them to bear, without explanation or honesty or comfort, and man, if it just isn't one of the most compelling and authentic depictions of cyclical abuse and generational trauma I've ever seen on TV.

#i hope you don't mind me putting these asks together #but i just thought my answer to both would've been similar #logan roy #hbo succession #i think there's this interesting sentiment to be explored too in the way logan can't look at the past #can't look back #what's that line in 2.08?#'there's so much of it'#'the future is real the past is all made up'#i love that line generally #but i think it really speaks to how much logan comes from trauma and poverty #that need to just push forwards to keep moving to not look back at the things you had to do to survive #it's so emotionally rich #but also crushing haha #succession 3.09 #welcome to my ama #succession meta

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no-psi-nan · 2 years

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Happy new year everybody!!

Here's hoping I can be as prolific or more with my fanfic-writing in 2022 lol

Also maybe Netflix will hire me next year, who knows? The possibilities are endless...

#if i can finish this magnum opus i will get it printed and bound for swag purposes #anyways sorry to keep spamming y'all with my fic progress lately but it really does blow my mind how much brainrot I've had lmao #nopsi fic #also i need to get to work on moving forward chapter 5 but it has a lot of moving parts so hsfjdlshfks...

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positivityplaypen · 3 years

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Here's your sign to throw caution to the wind and show yourself some kindness and love!

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seveneyesoup · 2 years

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Blease,, tell me more about your TARDIS and Time War soldier OCs

my soldier has a name now!! darvendedvoratsavlosh, which is kind of a lot of ds but here we are. i developed that barcode name system i was talking about, or just enough to name her, and if there’s interest i can make a google doc or something so it’s usable for other people.

the first six letters are the “practical” name, then de-, and the house that made them, then four letters for their purpose (tsav for timeship pilot, ts for timeship obv and av short for aviator), then four letters for the path they take to get there (losh in her case, lo for loom and sh for shaped, because she was loomed out of a mess of scrap parts and given to a tardis to be rewritten as needed into the pilot the ship needs).

also she now has a name for her human life - rosemary. for memory, obviously

#i feel like i’m in a bit of a corner here bc to fill the story backwards i need to move it forward #but i don’t know how to proceed bc like her son right #he’s found the tardis he takes up residence there etc etc #and the tardis wants to explore again get back out there #and now a war tardis would just get him the watch as soon as possible. have a pilot again and hit the road #but the whole thing hinges on the fact that testament isn’t a war tardis #and so now i’m in a position bc the watch w her memories wants to be found #and the tardis wants to keep it away from him for now #but not destroy it because that means destroying her #but to bring her back sort of means killing her son. more or less #and he’s like. proof that they succeeded; right? escaping the war #he’s a testament to her he’s part of it #and it’s weird right to be brought back to life as proof that you succeeded and in doing so destroy what’s left of that success #uh but that’s from her end and from her sons end but what about the tardis’s end #bc this all feels a bit. well it’s not how a tardis thinks of things is it #so i’m trying to figure that one out #excuse my rambling; or don’t if anyone has input i’d love to hear it #knock knock

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pyrodigy · 2 years

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iiiii need to make some changes here again 😔

#⌜ ooc ⌟#i miss writing so much but i literally cant log in to this blog without immediately feeling super disheartened #i cant be super active so i feel left out and lose motivation to try. its a vicious cycle #i think i need a completely fresh start. start from scratch on a new blog so i'll know my mutuals Want to interact #its so discouraging to think ive been working on diluc for over a year and theres no one left from back then to really write with #but if i just keep dwelling on that i'll never move forward and it'll all just fall on the wayside regardless #i think thats what i need to do... just remake and start over. new connections new possibilities new motivation #and use the opportunities to make blogs for all those other muses ive been dabbling with on discord..#starting w tomo ofc but also xiao and thoma. maybe sucrose too #i just wanna surround myself with mutuals im not anxious to engage with bc of inactivity or. not being part of some clique or smth #sorry @ ppl who followed in the last couple of weeks btw. im not ignoring i just havent had the heart to check ppl's rules and such #thinking i might archive this blog #gimme a couple days to figure things out

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fictionadventurer · 3 years

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So Strong as Gentleness; Or, Powers and Prejudice 2/?

Chapter 2: Immovable Object

For generations, the Bingleys had been the staunchest allies of the city’s superhumans, and the current generation had lived up to the family legacy. It was commonly conjectured that Charles Bingley himself numbered among the city’s masked superheroes--that he was the alter ego of the Storm King or the Nighthawk or the Blur--but it was just as commonly argued that this would unite too many blessings in a single man. Charles Bingley was good-looking and gentleman-like; he had a pleasant countenance and easy, unaffected manners. He united personal fortune with personal charm, and he had no need of superhuman talents to make him one of the city’s most extraordinary citizens.

It was with great astonishment that Jane noted his presence at Bingley Enterprise’s headquarters when she and Lizzie arrived at the recruitment event. The crowd was vast, but Mr. Bingley darted through with astonishing speed, shaking hands with everyone, delighted by the day and pleased by all in attendance. Though the strictures of the event required Jane to spend most of her time filling out forms and conducting interviews with middle management, she received a moment’s attention from the man himself. He approached her just as she was departing from an informational table, offered a handshake, and desired to know her opinion of the event, her occupational and educational history, her opinion of Netherfield, her favorite popular musicians, and if she had noticed the heavily laden refreshment table in the main lobby. Jane provided all the information desired and was surprised to find Charles Bingley genuinely interested in the answers. A few moments of conversation left her convinced that Charles Bingley was all that a young man ought to be--sensible, good-humored, lively. She had never seen such happy manners--so much ease, with such perfect good breeding.

It was not until she caught sight of Lizzie--reapproaching her after they’d been separated by the crowd--that Jane remembered their mother’s purpose in sending them to the event. But by this point, Mr. Bingley was already being pulled away from the conference.

In the course of the day, Mr. Bingley had gained a shadow--a tall, dark-haired young man who was as aloof and elegant as one expected the heir to a corporation to be. Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy was head of a Pemberley corporation, with fortune and fame for such that eclipsed the Bingley reputation. He rarely left the city of Pemberley, and Jane could not fathom why a Bingley event had drawn him away from his own business concerns.

It seemed that Mr. Darcy had similar questions for Bingley, because after Darcy had pulled him a few steps away, Jane overheard him scolding his friend. “You shouldn’t waste your time with this nonsense.”

“Nonsense? Darcy, you know as well as I do that vetting future hires is a prime security concern.”

“You are socializing when you’re needed elsewhere.”

“Caroline has it well in hand. If my help is needed, I can rush to the rescue, but until then, my time is as well spent here as anywhere. Bingley Enterprises is a powerful force for good in this city.”

“Not as powerful as some.”

“Don’t force me to modesty, Darcy. I know our organization is primitive compared to what you have in Pemberley, but our strategies are effective for Netherfield, and if you could just trust...”

It was at this point that the two men moved too far away from Jane for her to hear any more of their conversation. Turning to her sister, she asked, “What do you make of that, Lizzie?” Her sister had undoubtedly overheard the same conversation--perhaps was hearing it still, as her senses retained some of their animal acuteness even in human form.

“Is it not obvious?” Lizzie said with a laugh. “It appears our company is not exalted enough for the grand Mr. Darcy. In the heights of his villainy, he has deprived you of a charming conversational partner and destroyed your chances of personal happiness.”

Jane sighed. “Mother will be disappointed. I made no mention of--”

“This has nothing to do with our mother. I was speaking of your obvious infatuation with a certain philanthropist.”

Jane had, from a young age, trained herself out of all outward displays of emotion--a necessary habit when any physical outburst had the potential to tear down walls--and she was proud that she did not so much as blush in response to Lizzie’s insinuation. “He is very charming. But I do not think five minutes of conversation is enough for you to pin all my happiness upon him.” She watched the two men disappear further into the crowd. "Perhaps, if my application is accepted, we can renew our acquaintance, but I have have lost my chance today.”

In this, Jane soon found herself mistaken. As the event was ending and Jane and Lizzie were exiting through the revolving doors of Bingley Enterprise’s main lobby, she found their compartment suddenly shared by a third person, who was none other than Charles Bingley himself.

“Miss Bennet,” he said. “I am glad to have found you. I wished to apologize for my abrupt departure from our earlier conversation.”

Jane found herself stunned by more than the sunlight as they emerged onto the sidewalk outside. “No apology is necessary. I understand you have many other concerns.”

“That is no excuse for uncivility,” Bingley said, “Though Darcy would argue otherwise. He is always telling me to devote my time to more serious matters, but I say it is always worthwhile to be on friendly terms with our neighbors.”

Lizzie said, “It seems Mr. Darcy is uncommonly conceited.”

“No better man in the world!” Bingley said, rising to a good-hearted defense of his friend. “Only too apt to take the weight of the world on his shoulders and demand that I carry the same burden. I dare say he has a point, but one can better do good in the world by knowing the people within it.”

“A sensible philosophy,” Jane said.

“And apt to make you much more popular with us common citizens,” Lizzie said.

“No one is common,” Bingley said, “especially in Netherfield.”

Jane was struck by the fear that he was about to realize just how true that statement was. For Lizzie’s attention was suddenly riveted to the bank across the street, and her pupils had already turned to cat-like slits.

“What is it, Lizzie?” Jane asked, hoping by conversation to keep her sister tethered to her human form. Lizzie had gained a great amount of control over her transformations, but the jaguar was likely to emerge unbidden in moments of danger. Lizzie had never transformed in so large a crowd before, and Jane did not know, in the case of disaster, if the jaguar could distinguish threats from innocent bystanders.

“Something is happening,” Lizzie said. “At the bank. I think there might be--”

Her words were drowned out by the explosion. The facade of the bank erupted into flame, and debris was headed in their direction. Jane tried to position herself as a shield to Mr. Bingley and Lizzie, but the sudden movement left her off-balance and falling.

Before she could right herself--before she could even see the results of the explosion--Jane suddenly found herself standing in an alleyway two blocks distant from Netherfield Enterprises. Mr. Bingley was at her side, bent over to catch his breath, with the blue half-mask of the Blur half-pulled over his face.

“Mr. Bingley?”

The man turned away, shielding his face with his hand. “You weren’t supposed to see--I’m usually gone by now, but you--you’re heavier than you look.”

Most other girls, perhaps, would have been offended by such comments, but Jane was merely impressed that he had moved her at all. If she hadn’t been falling, he wouldn’t have managed it--she had been told that trying to move her from where she was standing was like running face-first into a steel girder.

“What’s happening?” she asked, helping Mr. Bingley to straighten his skewed mask. The daughters of Mrs. Bennet knew that there was nothing so important to the average hero than the secret of their identity.

“Heist of some kind,” Bingley said. “We thought there might be villain movement today, but didn’t think they’d strike so close to the Enterprises building.”

“We have to go back!” Jane shouted, dashing out of the alley. “Lizzie!” There was no doubt that the jaguar was loose, and Jane was best able to keep her sister in control of her humanity.

“Wait!” he shouted in alarm. “I can go back to help her, but you mustn’t endanger yourself.”

Jane continued another city block, unheeding. She could see the bank now, chaos erupting as crowds fled from the disaster. From the destroyed facade, some variety of spidery, villainous robot had emerged, tossing aside people and vehicles that hindered its attempts at escape.

“Miss Bennet, please!” Bingley was at her side, apparently attempting the same rescue he’d completed moments before, but unable to budge her an inch.

“Help them!” Jane said. “I’ll be fine!”

At that moment, the rampaging robot picked up a green sedan and tossed it over the crowd, directly toward Jane’s position. Jane lifted both arms and caught the car by its front bumper. She held it aloft until she was certain the sidewalk before her was clear of bystanders, then she set it lightly on the ground.

She turned around to see the Blur, Netherfield’s most famous speedster, standing motionless, his jaw slack.

“I see,” he said, gathering his composure. He stepped toward her. “I must apologize. It appears you were not in want of a rescue. But if I may ask, are you in possession of a good mask?”

#adventures in writing #so strong as gentleness #powers and prejudice #pride and prejudice #superheroes #jane/bingley #jane austen #pride and prejudice superhero au #here it is!#for what it's worth #which is admittedly not much but hopefully it's a little fun?#the bingley rescues civilian jane is probably a textbook darling in need of killing #because i had to invent this vague and implausible scenario to get civilian jane in bingley's presence #but it's still a fun scene and i can do what i want with this story #this story is an exercise in writing garbage #i am purposely releasing short segments without anything but the lightest of line editing so i'm forced to keep moving forward #if i hadn't been doing that i probably would have already rewritten that opening segment in different styles at least three more times #it's certainly a choice and i'm having fun with it #but as you can see the austen style is probably going to have to relax as we get more overtly superhero-y scenes

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