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vclvetfleur · 6 months

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Freak Show Chapter 5

Buggy x fem!reader

Summary: You make a plan to escape the marine base with your new savior and your continuous savior, your right-hand man. You sent them off to escape themselves while you and Buggy search for your stuff back

TW: Murder, possessive Buggy

WC: 2.6K

Notes; Two days in a row! I'm proud of myself for actually uploading less than a day of each other. I had the most fun writing this chapter. I think i'm finally getting in the mood of writing this fan fic. Please let me know any suggestions or if you're even enjoying this.

Chapter 5: Click Once Click Twice

The alarms blared loudly throughout the entire building. You sighed in exhaustion. This couldn’t be any worse. You opened the door and looked around before disappearing.

You and your crew have been in situations like this before. There was always a way out. You kept a lookout for Marines as you peered through every corner. You made a click sound to let Vivienne know the room was clear to go. She followed the noise and soon Cabaji and Buggy had to follow too. If they were going to leave they had to follow you and Vivienne’s lead.

One-click for go. Two clicks for enemy nearby. And if there were too many, you’d just retreat back to the crew.

You continued to look around, finding a Marine with a weapon in hand. You could easily take him out. You snuck up behind him, kicking your legs under his, sweeping him down on the ground. You covered his mouth before he could scream for help. You grabbed his sword before making the decision to give him a few hits to the head until he became unconscious. You couldn’t have blood on the floor. You would only be found out quicker. You dragged him into a room before shutting it behind you. You let out a click and had them follow right behind you once again. You now had a weapon. But it wasn’t yours. You needed to find your stuff. You came to Vivienne before reappearing, making Cabaji jump at the suddenness of your appearance.

“I need to get my shit. Can I trust you to get Cabaji and Buggy out here safely?” You whispered. “Why the fuck would she need to keep me safe?” Buggy loudly interrupted. You smothered him with your hand, kicking him in the shin. “You fucking moron, there’s Marines all over the place. Do you wanna get caught?” You whispered at him, but in a tone that you were practically yelling at him.

You get go of his mouth. He seemed annoyed at the way you judged his competence. He’s been doing this far longer than you have been, yet you treated him like a weakling. Some new member of your crew. You practically forgotten the fact he was Captain of his own ship. He had over a hundred men following everything he said to them.

“I’m going with you. I don’t trust you to actually get any of my stuff.” He made a point. Realistically you probably wouldn’t. It had no value to you. And you had no loyalty to him to get his belongings back to him.

“Fine. Just- Vivienne get Cabaji out of here safely. If you need me,uhh fuck- Buggy give them your ear.” You thought quickly. “What?” Buggy said in disgust.

“Give them your fucking ear. You used it to spy on us. So it shouldn’t be a problem now. Now give her your ear or I’ll cut it off you.” You threatened him, raising your new acquired sword to his ear. You didn’t have time to be arguing. A marine could be turning a corner right now. He hesitated before flying his ear off his head and into Vivienne’s pocket. She squirmed at the strange exchange before taking a deep breath to relax her nerves. “Meet me at Port 249.” Vivienne ordered. Before she could run off with Cabaji, you left her with the sword. You could protect yourself just fine. But you weren’t sure if she could with minimal weapons.

You grabbed Buggy by the end of his shirt and pulled him off the side. “Now- listen to me. You’re gonna do this my way. I’ll keep look out. One-click.” You demonstrated the click. “That means clear… Two clicks means danger. If there are multiple, you attack. I’ll be right there. Got it?” You instructed him carefully. “Why two? Wouldn’t they hear you genius?” Buggy criticizes your plan. “Clicking twice for every hallway hurts after a while.” You shrugged. You disappeared once again, turning right. You clicked to let Buggy know your location. It wasn’t too long before you had spotted a few Marines looking out for you.

You let out two clicks. You snuck up behind one, watching as one of Buggy’s hands flew across one of the Marine's face. You grabbed another, pulling him away. He had no clue where you were once you threw him on the floor. He swung his sword around frantically as he watched his crew getting knocked out by Buggy’s flying limps. You stood above the soldier before taking your heel to his forehead. You stole his sword and grabbed whatever would be useful to him. A key. Perfect.

You hid it in your corset before taking loud steps for Buggy to hear where you were. It was difficult with one ear. Your steps grew softer once you could note that Buggy had an idea of where you were heading to. Every Marine you crossed was met with a guerilla attack and was robbed or left dead. No witnesses now that they had their sights on Buggy. There could be no risks.

You spotted a room familiar to you. It was the room you were taken to before being shoved into a cell. It’s where all your belongings were taken. You tried to unlock the door but to no avail. “Buggy.” You whispered loud enough for him to hear you. It was no use. You reappeared, waving him down. “Is there any way you can get the door open?” You asked.

Buggy investigated it before coming to his conclusion. “No.” He shrugged. “Let’s just find one of the fucks who put us there.” He seemed as though it was easy. You huffed, pulling out keys that you collected, and trying each one. But to no avail. None of them opened the door. “There was one I saw a while back. Fuck. We have to go back.” You admitted.

Buggy rolled his eyes and had no choice, but to agree. “I’ll go. You stay here.” You ordered.

“No way sweetheart. You aren’t getting me killed. No goddamn way. You’re gonna stay visible and I am following.” Buggy ranted, but you didn’t need more of a risk on your hands. You disappeared and made a run for it. You stopped in place, looking down to see one of Buggy’s hands holding your skirt to keep you from running. You stopped and attempted to kick him off of you. He just followed. He was way too damn persistent.

“Buggy, I’ve spent too much time with you already. I cannot do this now.” You groaned.

You felt a strike against your ass causing you to jolt up. “I think you liked our time together. Seemed like you did.” Buggy teased, his smirk coming across his red-painted lips.

“That was a fuck up and a moment I rather not relive.” You denied all feelings you had about the situation. It was for the best that you and Buggy never did anything like that again. If you had it your way, you’d never see him again. In all honesty, if you kept running into him like you seemed to constantly do, you weren’t sure if you’d deny him the same access you granted him just a mere moment ago.

“Oh really? Cause I didn’t really hear that come from you. What did you exactly say again, babe? Oh, fuck me, please. Please. I need you.” His voice becoming high pitched to mock you. You threw a balled-up fist into his stomach as you continued to walk in the direction you had spotted the first marine you knocked out. You should’ve killed him.

“Don’t call me that.” You warned him.

“Oh, what should I call you then? I think you fairly liked being called a slut earlier.” Buggy giggled at his own jokes. If there was one thing about Buggy, he always knew how to entertain himself. You wish you knew how to make yourself laugh at the most idiotic shit.

“You’re insufferable.” You mumbled under your breath. You kept watch out, making sure no Marines were in your way. You headed back to the room you locked the Marine in safe enough. Thankfully you seemed to clear out most of that hallway. You opened the door, knocking onto the floor as the previously knocked-out marine pounced on you. His hands gripped your throat, pressing his thumbs into the middle of your throat. You smacked his arm, attempting to pull him off. You felt an instant release, turning to your side as you tried to catch your breath. Your throat felt rasp as you tried to cough quietly, but there was no use in being quiet. You heard cries of agony and pleading. You turned your head and watched Buggy stand over the man, slamming him against the floor, while throwing a punch whenever he felt the opportunity to do so. It was as if watching a lion completely devour a giselle in the wild. You got up, grabbing his shoulder and arm in an attempt to pull him away. “Stop. You’re causing too much noise.” You lied. You just couldn’t watch a man get beaten alive. You’ve seen it plenty of times before, but this felt wrong. Almost territorial. “Just-grab-uh- grab his shit and let’s go.” You found an excuse.

“Not till I’m done.” Buggy warned you before throwing the man back into the room. He smacked his boot into the unconscious man, blood spilling out his mouth.

“Buggy! Enough!” You screamed. This all caught the commotion of a few Marines. You heard a gang of footsteps hurling your way. “Fuck-“You whined. You quickly pickpocketed everything from the possibly dead man and disappeared. “Let’s go!” You directed Buggy. You grabbed his arm, dragging him away. You didn’t trust him not to continue to beat a corpse. You watched as marines swarmed the hallway.

You watched Buggy’s fists flying through people as you grabbed one of the knocked-down marine’s swords, throwing it in Buggy’s hand's direction. He grabbed the sword and sliced through a Marine in front of you. They pulled their swords out in difference. This was exactly what you needed. Weapons out and they could not see or hear you. You rushed over, throwing a kick into a marine’s ribs. You caught him completely off guard. You unarmed him and took him out with his own weapon. You sliced through unexpected marines one by one before clearing the room out.

Buggy reattached his hands and ran after you once making yourself visible to him. You quickly made it to the door, watching a marine guard it. You held no mercy and attacked as soon as you could. You grabbed the keys you stole from the now-dead marine in the storage closet and unlocked the door. You shut the door behind you once Buggy stepped inside with you. You made sure to keep a door at the handle, locking the door and barricading it incase more marines showed. You went through boxes before finding your stuff.

You squealed out of complete joy, holding your beloved sword close to your chest. You reattached your holster to your waist before sliding your sword in. You watched Buggy recollect his large brownish-orange penny lane coat, sliding it over his arms before putting all his daggers back in place.

Your eyes met and for a moment, just a moment, you felt slightly proud. You and Buggy were a pretty good team. You set every distain you both had and just completely whipped out rows of marines in your way. But Buggy took your look of proudness in endearment. He rushed to you, gripped your cheeks in his hands, pulling you in for a kiss. For a split second, you let yourself lean into the kiss before pulling away in an act of disgust. “No- never again Buggy.” You pointed a finger in his face like a dog.

“So, why’d you kiss me back?” His voice in a hushed tone, attempting to get you to recreate the kiss once again. You almost fooled yourself before shaking your head.

“No.” You told him once again. But Buggy would never take that as an answer. His finger lifted your chin up for your gaze to leave the floor and at him.

“Oh- don’t play hard to get darling.” He stepped closer to you, your back against a filing cabinet. Your breathing quickened, allowing yourself to feed into his demands. His lips pressed against yours, his stubble rubbing against your chin. His hands snaked around your waist, keeping your bodies close to one another.

“If we had enough time, I’d take you right here on this table.” Buggy broke the kiss. “What was that about never again?” Buggy joked before removing the chair from the door and unlocking it. He left you there speechless. You were fully at his will. He attempted to get what he wanted.

You quickly got yourself together, gathering all your daggers, along with a few stolen heirlooms of other prisoners before making a run for it to catch up to Buggy. You just now needed to get to an exit. But of course, it was heavily guarded with marines. You just wondered how Vivienne was able to escape in time. She never spoke into Buggy’s ear. Nothing. It seemed radio silent.

“Round three?” Buggy asked. You nodded, disappearing once more. With your weapons back, you both were unstoppable. You disabled each and every one of them within just a few minutes. You opened the door and made a run for the port. You saw Vivienne and Cabaji sitting at the deck, waiting patiently.

“Vivienne!” You called out to her. She stood up quickly and opened her arms to you. You grabbed her and held her as tight as possible. You never wanted to be away from her like that again. Buggy watched you two, slowly making his way to Cabaji. “God alright already! Enough with the reunion.” Buggy gagged at the willing affection you were so willing to give Vivienne.

“Get the fuck outta here before I shove you off the port.” You snapped back at him.

“Give me my ear back. I’m tired of listening to the two of you make small talk. It’s disgusting.” Buggy held his hand out as his ear flew out of Vivienne’s pocket and back onto the side of his head. The four of you went quiet. There was a sense of uncertainty in the air.

“I recommend you both leave. I’ll see you both again. Buggy- you’re still dead to me.” You continued the act. You weren’t going to stop hunting him down. He was the reason you were in this mess in the first place. You weren’t going to let that fact go easily.

Buggy gave you a nod of understanding before heading back onto his ship while you retreated onto yours. The differences of your arrivals were astounding. You hear Buggy’s crew cheer as they were beginning a celebration while you were swarmed with concerned, nearly sobbing questions. You let your crew know you were fine.

“What’s that mark?” One of your crew pointed out. Your neck was filled with love marks. You shielded your neck with your chin as your hand covered the other side. “Just some marine trying to choke me out.” You lied.

“HEY!” You heard shouting as your sail was setting sail. You looked over to Buggy’s ship, watching Buggy leaning over the deck. His hand waved at you to say goodbye, at least for now. But a sudden thud it the side of your head, noticing Buggy’s other hand fly over to throw a punch your way.

What a fucking dick…

Notes: I really hope you guys are genuinely liking the story :)

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bronx-bomber87 · 10 months

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Happy Weekend all :) Watched this ep last night wrote down my thoughts and thought kick off Saturday with a review. Another really good ep ahead. S2 adds onto the base built in S1 in the best way. Off we go.

2x02 The Night General

We catch our first glimpse of our fine duo at the end of roll call. Grey has a new book for Tim to read for his Sergeant's exam. Tim doesn’t look excited in the least. Lucy calls out the book for its dated title. Grey explains to Lucy it's from the 60s. Lovely. Tim asks how this book is relevant with 21st century policing? Grey tells him 'Ours is not to reason why' LOL Basically saying he has to read it whether he wants to or not Poor Tim.

They're not in the shop two seconds before Tim hands her the book to read to him. Of course Lucy is going to give him some push back. She wouldn’t be her if she didn’t. Would you love her Timothy if she was anything but who she is? haha This is how they're going to spend their shift whether Lucy wants to or not.

Lucy suggests just to let her drive so he can read it while they work. That doesn’t fly with Tim baha Lucy doesn’t understand (yet) why he can’t just read it himself. Thinks Tim is just making her do it for him just cause he can. You'll find out soon enough my dear. Lucy knows when to pick her battles at this point. So she decides not to fight Tim on this one. Gives in and cracks this old fossil open and begins to read to him.

Mini marriage scene going on right here. It's their back and forth that I love so much about them. A comfortability has settled between the two of them and it shows. Instantly Lucy is being smug and sassy about the material. One of my fav things she does with him. Pushes his buttons like only she can. Instead of being immediately grumpy he dishes it right back. Oh how they’ve grown. Giving him crap with the book saying he shouldn’t generate fear but respect.

Tim is snarky as well firing back of course she would like this book...We all know she has thrived under his leadership. She's not really taking shots at him so much as using it to mess with him. She can't help herself. Lucy is taking full advantage of this scenario. Tim is painfully aware she is using reading this book to punish him. I mean it's only fair since he's forcing her to read it between calls.

I love her face in the gif above. She’s enjoying herself far too much for Tim’s liking haha He tells her to just keep reading LOL Like Lucy wasn't going to read this book without running commentary. Come on Timothy you know better than that hehe Lucy continues on and you can see him trying so hard to absorb it as she speaks.

Lucy ends up on another quote she likes. Of course its about patrol officers having value. So she chooses this one to have him parrot back to her. She is agitating the crap out of him and knows it. Telling him he needs to repeat it in order to memorize it. Using her psych degree to justify it. He begrudgingly does it and she asks him to do it again lmao Lucy is pushing her boundaries today and is fine with it haha

They get a call interrupting her and Tim is so relieved. Lucy responds to dispatch then says 'Ok 3 min out more reading.' LMAO She is relentless and begins up again. Tim's face above I’m dying. LOL He looks like he’s being endlessly tortured by her studying methods. This episode is absolute gold start to finish. He is at her mercy with this and knows it.

We rejoin them in the shop after their call. Lucy has moved onto chapter 3. ‘The Healthy Habits Of Command’ She goes on to read out loud ‘Delegation is the key to leading men in times of stress.’ Which leads to the line above. She follows it up with That’s so true don’t you think? Tim snaps back it’s hard enough to listen to this stuff without her editorializing haha Honestly Tim what did you expect from her? She tells him she’s happy to stop anytime and get back to her paper work.

Lucy goes on to tell him that he’s going to have to re-read all this again anyways to memorize it. You see the panic in Tim’s face. It’s here Lucy finds out he learns best when he’s hears it. That response immediately gets the wheels in Lucy’s head churning with her response of Really? He then asks what? Why? She tells him nothing…. Doesn’t take Tim long to figure out she’s holding something back from him. He says ‘Boot...’

Lucy tries to mumble her reply at first. Telling him he has a learning difference under her breath. It’s kinda funny how she tries to hide her answer. She knows he’s going to take it the wrong way. Tim makes her speak up and Lucy bites the bullet. Then try’s to soften the blow by saying he’s just wired differently. That he just processes information differently than others. She is digging herself a hole and knows it. Tim is bristly af as she tries explain this to him. He tells her he doesn’t have a learning disability. Flat out refuses to accept it.

Lucy digs her hole even further when she brings up Isabel. Tim has grown but that continues to be a sore subject for him. Lucy is trying so hard for him not to take this as a bad thing. Minute she brings Isabel up and their time at the academy he shuts down. Tells her they’re not talking about this. Lucy looks crushed she’s offended him. That comfortability and banter from earlier gone. You can see how much she wants to fix it. Unfortunately they get a call before she can rectify the situation. It's about a suspicious mini van casing a house. She tries to fix it as they drive to the call but he is shut off completely. Lucy is defeated and says never mind….

They pull up and its an old colleague of Tim's. He is a bounty hunter now. Lucy is assertive right off the bat saying they've received multiple 911 calls about him. Rex bites back calling her boot and to watch her tone. Tim steps in right away. No one calls her ‘boot’ but Tim good sir. So sexy when he tells Rex she’s the police now. Even though he’s grumpy about the studying he still has her back on this 100%. Such growth Tim. I love me some protective/supportive Tim. Lucy doesn't let Rex's behavior shake her. Lets this surly grump of a man know that. It’s like she has experience with them or something heh

Tim's face when Rex says 'You let her talk to you like that?' It’s a 'Watch it...' We all know Tim likes it when Lucy talks to him like that. It’s that assertive confidence that attracts him to her. One of many reasons But It’s far too early to delve into that fully haha We all know it’s true though. Lucy tells him his bounty Nico is a very dangerous person. Rex tries to rattle her one more time. Saying how he’s been dealing with dangerous men since she was in diapers. Lucy tells him these days you have to call law enforcement for this stuff. She cracks me up and says maybe he should read Tim’s book LMAO

Lucy tries the next day to mend fences with Tim. Asking him if he'd like her to read to him? Trying to offer up a olive branch. He instantly shuts her down. Says no. Lucy tries to implore him to let her. That he needs to learn it. He grumpily replies ‘I can do that on my own.' Oof she really hit a nerve with this one. Before Lucy can fight him some more they pull back up to Rex’s van. Tim is wanting to do a welfare check on him. He didn't report his bounty last night. Lucy calls him out for it and Tim says he wouldn’t put it that way to Rex though. But he's being a softie and she knows it.

They find blood and broken glass and call it in. Rex has been assaulted and Tim sees red. He takes off once Rex says Nico is headed to his aunt's. Lucy calls after him saying they need a warrant. Tim doesn’t listen as he takes off and Rex tells Lucy go with Tim.

Tim busts in raging says blood on the door enough reason for them to search. Lucy takes control of the situation quickly. Makes the aunt call Nico. Says they’ll arrest for aiding and abetting if she doesn’t. Does this to calm Tim down a bit. She’s so good at that. Not the first time she's taken charge to rein him a bit. The aunt calls it doesn't take long to find him in the house Then comes this bad ass fight scene. Last episode I said they’re like poetry in motion in the field. This gif is the definition of that. Look how well they work together to take Niko down. It’s a thing of beauty really.

First off let’s enjoy the fact we’re getting Tim all sweaty and guns out to play shall we? Ovary explosion for me. It's a very nice visual for me to start this scene. *fans self* Never get over how fine this man is honestly. Now let’s move onto the beautiful moment that’s about to commence. Lucy finds Tim working out. Ask's if he's training for his next re-match with Nico haha She hands him the little Audio book he looks so confused as to what this might be. His confusion continues after she explain its the audiobook version of his book.

Lucy looks so proud of herself when she explains she recorded it for him. She should be. You know she spent whatever free time she had off shift doing that for him. That is no small feat. Also the fact that she reached out to Isabel for him. I can’t imagine that conversation wasn’t a little awkward for her. But guess what? She did it anyways to help him. Even when he’s obstinate af with her she is driven to help him no matter what.

That psych degree comes in handy when she’s deciphering Tim. Why he acts the way he does. He lashed out cause he was embarrassed by the fact that he learns through listening. This is why Lucy does this for him. So he feels better about the way he learns. Doesn’t feel shame about it. He is much more receptive to her explanation this time around. You can see it in his face in that second gif above. She is so kind and gentle while she does it. Letting him know hey it's ok you learn this way. Nothing is wrong with it or you.

I can totally relate to Tim too btw. I am a Kinesthetic learner as well. I absorb audio books far more than sitting down and reading. I have to be moving while I listen or I’m instantly bored and disengage. If it’s a fic I’m fine for most part if it’s a one shot. But anything I have to read at massive length? I gotta be moving. So I get it Tim I’m same way my love.

She ends her explanation by complimenting him in the best way she can. By letting him know that the way he learns is why he’s such an excellent cop. Building him up and letting him know its why he excels the way he does at his job. Reinforcing his way of learning isn’t a bad thing at all but a strength for him. You can see it in his face he finally accepts this about himself. He replies 'Yeah.' with a small smile of gratitude. Like she's just taught him something about himself and he's not mad about it. Tim can't help but let that Lucy light of hers in.

Lucy says she will see him tomorrow. Wants to let him get back to his work out. You can tell Tim wants to say something before she goes. He builds up the courage to say 'Thanks' as she’s leaving ❤️ It's such a loaded Thanks for him. The absolute gratitude he has for her in this moment. I’ve said it many times and I’ll continue to say it. Eric says so damn much with just a look. If her recording an audio book isn’t an act of service and love to him I don’t know what is. The look on this man’s face as he says 'Thanks.' He is blown away she took the time to do this for him. Has to make sure Lucy knows how grateful he is before she leaves. Because she saw he had a need and fulfilled it for him. Put him first and took care of him in best way she could think of.

Lucy’s smile Is everything after he says this. It's the most honest and genuine 'Thanks ' she's ever received from him. She almost can't handle it. Why she nervously smiles back instead of replying. She is adorable. Gah no one gets through like Lucy does for him. Makes me wanna cry honestly. They’re written so damn well it makes me happy. Truly just make one another better in the best way.

That little smile of his when he hears Lucy’s intro. My damn heart. She truly is the best rookie he’s ever trained. Damn straight. If you weren’t shipping them before, this scene has to get you hook, line and sinker. She recorded an old outdated book for him in her personal time, built him up, made him feel better about how he learns, and reached out to his ex for clarification in order to help him better.

Actions speak louder than words they say for a reason. Her actions are screaming right now. Makes you wonder if he listened at night at all? Did he ever fall asleep to her voice during his studying? Maybe he did maybe he didn't. A girl can dream though haha Such a good ep for them start to finish.

~~~~~

Side notes non-chenford

Mmm Tim laying into Jackson about the hole he’s in. Yes please. Defending Angela when Jackson makes a joke if he’s late his dad is gonna light up Lopez. Tim goes on to tell him she’s going to pay the price if he doesn’t get his shit together. That she will be the target of his fathers aggression if he goes belly up halfway through training. That Jackson owes her his career. Whew lord I love me some protective Tim.

Also Lucy and Jackson living together ❤️ such a good friend to take him in like that I love it. First thing he needed to her back on track.

#Caitlin rewatches The Rookie #chenford #chenford hiatus #summer rewatch #waiting on s6 #s2 #2x02 The Night General #the rookie #tim x lucy #tim bradford #lucy chen #lucy x tim #eric winter #melissa o'neil #otp: you know me so well. too well.#otp: doing my job #tim bradford x lucy chen

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prodigal-explorer · 3 months

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Hey! I know you don't like Basil (That's totally fine i don't really care but he's personally my fav) and reading your posts and the reasons you don't like him, you would probably like his beta version 10000% better. His name was Rowan and he is like Basil but with a spine. He was more like Aubrey with a strong set of core values (I don't know much about him and I don't know if he helped Sunny too, like in the final game) but what I do know is that when Sunny locked himself away Rowan felt very angry, sad, and betrayed that his best friend cut him out of his life when they promised they'd always be with each other. Like I said, Rowan was a bit more edgy than Basil and was more like Rowan. There was also flower, from OMORIBOY, I don't know much about Flower tho.

ooo this is interesting!

i personally don’t really know anything about the beta stuff so this is really cool to know.

tbh i’m not really sure that i would like this guy any better than the basil we have now based on that description, but hey i could be wrong! i do love thé idea of him being edgier because i just- AGH i can’t stand characters who make themselves out to be “uwu soft bois” it just makes my skin crawl! so that’s a change i might find myself really enjoying!

if i’m gonna be so real my number one beef that i have with basil isn’t even him himself it’s his FANS always up in my business and the main reason why i still hate him is out of spite because 90% of the basil stan’s i be interacting with act like they have full authority over what omori is about and what people should or shouldn’t take away. but it’s clear you’re not like that so thanks! for being decent!!

#omori #prodigal omori #omori beta #omori basil #omori basil criticism #omori game

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kaeyachi · 26 days

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If I may respond to what the previous anon brought up, I do actually agree with them on their original premise. Finding the “betraying your archon gets you turned into a hilichurl” ridiculous, I mean. That’s just my personal opinion, and I think it largely stems from my own bias (I don’t like when fantasy media has belief or lack thereof in gods actually have a tangible effect on the world or the individual, I prefer when it’s caused by magical stuff, preferably one already established in the lore), but there is another factor to it which I think has maybe more weight? At the very least, it’s something I want to ask you about because I think you’re a more knowledgeable person on all things Kaeya lore than myself:

Up until Perinheri came out, it seemed, at least to me based on what Genshin theorists I was following, that all the information was pointing to hilihcurls (and potentially the immortality of the pureblood Khaenri’ahns) being created simply through exposure to abyssal energy. And I think we do know at this point that abyssal energy was a factor in the collapse of Sol Vindagnyr and the fall of Gurrabad. IIRC it is theorized that both of those nations had some hilihcurl-ification going on at their fall. I can’t cite any sources her right now because I’m just typing this as I go, but there is a lawachurl Dragonspine named Ukko, which was the name of a friend of the princess of Sol Vindagnyr, so that’s probably a massive hint that the denizens of Sol Vindagnyr, including Ukko, were being turned into hilihcurls. I think there was mention somewhere that there was abyssal energy involved at the fall of that nation and that’s why a celestial nail was yeeted down on the mountain, to try to cleanse it, but it terraformed the place into an inhospitable mountain rather than make things better, but please correct me if I’m wrong. As for Gurrabad, I’m almost certain that there was a mention somewhere (I don’t remember where) of Liloupar or someone unleashing abyssal or dark energies and at least someone getting turned into a monster, implying that it was the contact with abyssal energies which turned someone (probably a ton of people) into hilihcurls. And IIRC there are writings from someone who turned into a hilichurl more gradually, but I think that the abyssal energies explanation could maybe explain this gradual turning as well, as maybe getting away from abyssal energy exposure slowed down the transformation. I’m not sire how this explanation covers the way that non-pureblood Khaenri’ahns only started turning into hilihcurls during the Cataclysm after they set foot outside of Khaenri’ah. Maybe Khaenri’ah itself had/has some kind of barrier against abyssal energies (we do know that Khaenri’ah was fighting the abyss after all)? Maybe it’s only in Teyvat’s atmosphere that the abyssal energies’ negative effects can have the most tangible effect?

All of this is more speculative, but I have another point to bring up in defence on my still clinging to the abyssal energies explanation: that being that this information of hilichurlification being caused by betraying one’s archon is revealed in a book. A story. And we have gotten confirmation that information can be altered by Irminsul tampering UNLESS they are written as allegories and metaphors. That’s why we had the whole thing about Wanderer’s memory being preserved inside a fable. It wasn’t describing what he is and what happened to him factually, it was an (admittedly very close) allegory. So, basically, I’m having an issue with how this information from Perinheri about hilichurlification is being taken seemingly at face value? When we have reason to at least suspect that the books in Teyvat with the most interesting lore tidbits conceal that lore from a face value reading through allegory or metaphor or something in order to preserve it from Irminsul tampering. Why is this not being considered with Perinheri too? I’m not saying that we definitely shouldn’t believe any of the information given in Perinheri at face value or that all of it is allegory, but I do think it’s at least worth considering?

I don’t know, I feel like Genshin’s lore is encouraging us to apply this sort of thinking to at least some of the books in Teyvat, and it just makes me sad when theorists don’t? Because it feels evident to me? Although, again, I will acknowledge that I am particularly biased in this regard because, as stated, I just personally don’t like the “betraying your archon results in hilichurl-ification” explanation and I felt like the lore was pointing to the abyssal energy explanation.

Also, on an unrelated note, could you please confirm where it is stated that the Alberichs were obsessed with maintaining their blood purity? Is it because of their opposition to Chlothar’s Mondstadtian lover? Maybe it’s just me, but I just got the sense that they just didn’t want him marrying a commoner, which…is a normal trope in aristocracy? Maybe I just wasn’t reading enough into it, or maybe I just like simple explanations too much?

Also also, can we acknowledge that, if the Alberichs were obsessed with blood purity, isn’t it weird then for them to attribute Kaeya, who is VERY HEAVILY IMPLIED TO NOT BE PUREBLOOD (it feels so obvious to me and I am trying not to be annoyed that it’s not being brought up more), as their last hope? Like, what would make them change their mind over the past 500 years and make Kaeya’s father decide that shacking up with a Teyvatian woman (I will die on the hill that Kaeya’s mom is sumeran) was okay actually? I have some possibilities in mind, but I’m sure you do too and they’re more thought out than mine, and also this ask has already gone on way too long as it is, I’m so sorry.

I hope this ask is least somewhat interesting for you. Also, I’m really sorry if this came off as a rant just because I don’t like that particular Perinheri lore drop!

Hello! This was a very lengthy, but interesting read, so thank you for taking the time to do so! Let me expand on my answers to anon from the previous ask:

I actually do agree with the facts you have stated about the abyss exposure because it had been repeatedly mentioned that abyssal energy is involved. This means that even if someone wasn't Khaenri'ahn, as long as you come across this form of energy and found out "certain information" that makes one actively want to go against Celestia, then it would spark a transformation.

I think what wasn't quite obvious to many is that the abyssal source is near Khaenri'ah. The entirety of Khaenri'ah is already poisoned land in itself.

(Lemme sneak in a theory: Something about Khaenri'ah may have actually prevented the transformation from occuring...like...let's say... a certain flower that can only be found in Khaenri'ah? The same flower that hardens in outside of Khaenri'ah, but turns to dust when brought back home?

Also, I think the people of Teyvat are easier to taint with abyssal energy and thus are the ones who turn into hilichurls. Outlanders, on the other hand, are able to handle said energies or are generally not affected at all)

As for the "going against Gods" thing for what happened to Khaenri'ah, what we actually needed to consider that this wasn't simply peoples disbelief in them (as I have stated, Archons can come and go, so this really isn't the actual basis), but was instead the active participation of going against Celestia (or again the alternative of knowing something against Celestia that you weren't supposed to know if you are a regular human being of Teyvat). Khaenri'ah would not have existed if belief was a prerequisite, but we know that Khaenri'ah lasted for centuries, so Celestia doesn't exactly punish nonbelievers...but you know what they were actually doing? Plotting to bring down Celestia.

You see, the higher ups in Khaenri'ah know more of the truth ( Perinheri and a certain namecard had long predicted an arrival of someone with the power to topple down Celestia), and unfortunately, as what many would agree is a harsh punishment, the actions of the leaders of Khaenri'ah led to a curse that also affected the very people they were trying to protect. We can assume that not only did they use Khaenri'ah as a lesson/horror story for other nations, they also did this in an attempt of preventing Khaenri'ah of ever rebuilding to try bringing them down again in the future (this part might have actually been implied in Kaeya's hangout quest in the Tale of Prince Qubad)

With Perinheri, that book is simply a tale told thru research, so the actual contents could have been mistranslated or misunderstood by the scholars that compiled them. Additionally, we need to consider the fact that Perinheri does not know the full extent of what it entailed to turn into a hilichurl. We can instead use the story to connect the dots on the previous lore instead. Definitely do not take what was mentioned in that book as the new lore explanation or retcon from Hoyo because our bro Perinheri spent nearly the entire time confused af lmao. He is... quite the unreliable narrator.

Finally, my commentary on the Alberich clan being focused on blood purity is actually just a hypothesis based on the information we got! This was my thought process:

-> If pureblood Khaenri'ahns are the ones who can safely leave, then they need to ensure blood purity for the sake of the military. The Alberich clan and other noble clans probably did this (thus, all soldiers of Khaenri'ah that were named are probably purebloods as well unless they figured out how to keep the ex-Teyvatian soldiers from turning while on missions. Maybe thru their military machinery)

-> The Alberich Clan is a family of people destined to be leaders, and having a weakness such as the possibility of turning into a hilichurl is not ideal.

-> Either the actual reason was lost through the years, or Clothar was just optimistic af about being able to protect and care for his lover and child, but as nobles, they had to marry people of the same class, and failure to follow this is a cause of shame.

-> Post cataclysm, there's quite literally nobody left of the Alberich clan ( as far as we know because we're not sure about Pierro, and we aren't sure if Kaeya's father is really dead). Kaeya, for some odd reason, is not cursed. Half Teyvatian or not (I strongly believe he's half-Sumerian too btw), this is a miracle to them. As I theorized before, this may be because Kaeya had never stepped foot into Khaenri'ah...however, there could also be other reasons, such as the barely touched topic of the Loom of Fate (the same Loom of Fate that involves some other Alberich clansmen)

Did anyone notice the lengths his father went just to ensure that Kaeya would survive? Mondstadt is literally the furthest location we have so far from Khaenri'ah, and the archon who rules it gladly opens their arms to anyone, so it is also the safest. Additionally, his father deliberately kept crucial information away from Kaeya based on what Kaeya has been doing in the background, which is information gathering.

They're keeping him alive for something. (I have a theory post on hold regarding this topic)

Btw, I have actually had previous theories on Kaeya's ancestry before, as well as the topic of the Loom of Fate, but it has been such a long time ago (I posted them pre-3.5) so I really don't blame anyone for not knowing it lmao. Should I revisit those old theories and revise them with the current lore drops?

#once again thank you for the ask!#dont worry i didnt find your message ranty! this is genuinely a good read!#kaeyachi asks

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kmlaney · 26 days

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WIP questionnaire

tagged by @coffeewritesfiction and I am so sorry to take this long on a reply. Thanks for the tag!

Tagging @fallenscintilla (if you want! No pressure!) and @waywardwizzard and anyone who wants to!

1. What is the first part of your WIP that you created?

The very first line was: “D’ya think I care how it tastes?” I posted an edited version here. There's a snip of the original here.

For the record, it started as a character background for a TTRPG. In fact, it wasn’t even going to be the character I was going to play. Harrowed (undead/revenant) gunfighter? *eyeroll* Too cliché. I even made a homebrew archetype to play: a “spiritualist” in the late 1800’s sense. But that first line kept bugging me so I figured, okay. Fine. I’ll write this one scene and then work on my spiritualist.

Yeah. No. I never played the spiritualist.

2. If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

I did all the fan stuff for Phil and Skyfallen, like playlists, faceclaims, all of that. I never did that before. I selected music for the theoretical TV show: main theme, a rotating list of outro/credits roll music, pieces for certain kinds of scenes. So if Skyfallen were a TV series, this would be the theme:

youtube

3. What are your favorite characters that you made? Why?

That’s like asking which of my pets was my favorite. I love them all. I guess I loved Phil enough to make them the viewpoint character. They’re a more-mature version of the kind of character I wrote when I was a kid, now with serious problems I can explore as an adult. I like Phil’s father, whom I was determined to fridge in the beginning because fridging is usually a female character. Ha Ha! Then I went and gave him a character arc that could only end in his death so he’s not fridged after all.

I like Travelling Sam for being a conniving, money-grubbing jerk, but he’s fun to write. I like Eva as Carnival Mom; Maury for being a flamboyant, fun-to-be-around person hiding a serious drinking problem that everyone knows about. I like Doc Butcher for his name, for actually being trained as a vet but caring about everyone, and trying to do his best when he’s in over his head because he can’t do nothing.

I like Maker Lewis for his change of heart, though he was already on the fence and just needed a shove. And I like Miss Warren for being a nosy reporter whom Phil doesn’t want to like but ends up liking anyway. She also lets me play at muckraking reporter. Choosing words to specifically slant a piece is a load of fun.

4. What other pieces of media do you think your fan base would share?

Skyfallen has its roots in Westerns, so people who like cinematic westerns are a potential fanbase. I include horror, steampunk, and gothic elements, so if your venn diagram of interests includes those things then it might be for you.

Things I like that influenced or feel like this story: Silverado, The Magnificent Seven, RIPD 2 Rise of the Damned (movies. I hate to admit that last one but it was fun). Deadlands (TTRPG game. I created Phil for this setting). The Dark Tower novels--primarily Wizard and Glass but any of the parts dealing with Roland’s world.

There is zero romance. Phil’s ace, there is no main love interest, and anyone who gets together does so very off-screen.

5. What has been your biggest struggle with your WIP?

When writing the draft, the individual scenes flew out of my brain. I could hardly write them fast enough. In deep editing, though, it’s the big-picture stuff I find challenging. Which themes do I want to emphasize and which are less important? Do I really need all this buildup or should I start later? I need to show certain things so the later ones make sense, but that makes it even longer. It’s already very long; shouldn’t I be cutting things down? Argh. It's frustrating.

6. Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

There are animals. Most are utilitarian: Horses, dogs, cats, chickens, cows. There are monsters also (for certain values of “monster”) all along the continuum from “non-sapient animal” through to “self-aware human intelligence.”

The way they figure into the story is more interesting. In life, Phil liked animals in general and had a special fondness for horses and mules. After dying and coming back reanimated, animals can’t stand to be around them. Phil doesn’t figure it out right away, and it hurts when they do.

7. How do your characters get around? (Ex. Trains, horses, cars, dragons, etc.)

For the area the characters are in for the bulk of the story, most people walk, ride horses, or ride in wagons, carts, or coaches pulled by horses or teams of horses. There are a couple of trains but they are rare. In other areas, trains are common, as are ferries and lake boats. Airships exist; they are novelties and considered simultaneously luxurious and dangerous. In larger cities, along with the horse-drawn vehicles, people have bicycles, rickshaws, pedal-powered rickshaws, and palanquins. Automatons in a variety of configurations may be subbed in for horses or people in any of those conveyances.

8. What part of your WIP are you working on right now?

I’ve identified some specific foreshadowing that needs to happen. So I need to add that in. There are a few names that aren’t consistent; they’re flagged so I can fix them. I need to put in a few encounters so later ones make sense. It’s not exactly foreshadowing so much as worldbuilding. So editing stuff.

9. What aspects (tropes, maybe) of your WIP do you think will draw people in?

I have a hard time identifying tropes in my work, probably because I’m in the trees, so to speak, and can’t see the forest. Or groves, to push the metaphor. Having said that, here’s an attempt:

Portal/isekai

Found family

Unlikely group of heroes

Humans can be evil; monsters can be sympathetic

Religion, Magic, and cults

Monsters dwelling among humans

Enemies to not-friends (don’t push your luck)

Things get worse

Everyone has secrets

Lost memories, memory tampering

Weird West

Steampunk and Gothic Horror

Gunslinger/trick shot

Noble Demon/antihero

Good is not nice

I did come up with one of those taglines that you might see on the bottom of the cover of a book:

“Every Skyfallen has something they want to forget. And everyone in the Mistlands is Skyfallen.”

10. What are your hopes for your WIP?

Originally I was hoping for traditional publishing. I might still try to go that way. I’m also looking into self-pub, and websites that host serial stories. I think this story fits better into a serial format than a traditional book format. I need to make it more coherent (hence editing phase)

#kmlaney writes #kmlaney characters #kmlaney answers #All About my WIP #bad luck phil #mistlands #skyfallen #writing #coffeewritesfiction #fallenscintilla #Youtube

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weirdkpopgirl · 1 year

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Too Much | Chenle Imagine #3

Title: Too Much

Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst

Warnings: mentions of a breakdown (yes another one), and good old stress

Word Count: 671

Author's Note: So um I did write this based on recent experience from my first job. I just added Chenle to it, partly because I love writing stuff for Chenle. Even though he isn't my bias (sorry Chenle), I think having someone like him in my life would be nice. Also thank you for all your kind words from my last post. I just get really annoyed with myself and especially my writing. But thank you for reading and listening to my tiny rants 😅.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

Chenle’s attention on the television moved away when he heard the clicking noise from inserting the passcode into the front door. The dimmed light of the room barely allowed him to see your figure come through the doorway. After kicking off your worn-out sneakers, Chenle could hear your soft footsteps padding across the wooden floor.

He barely felt your body sink on the couch cushion beside him. Your neatly tied ponytail from the morning was now droopy. Despite the lack of light in the room, Chenle could make out the faint dark circles under your eyes.

“You should’ve just gone home to rest if you were tired,” He sighed. His hand reached to cup the right side of your face.

You didn’t say anything for a moment. But Chenle saw the stress screaming from your eyes. He didn’t need to ask if you were okay because he knew the answer. Eventually, you did speak.

“I quit my job.” The four words fell from your lips with subtle despondency.

Somehow that sentence alone was able to set off the waterworks. The fresh tears almost burned as they streamed down your cheeks. A second didn’t even pass before Chenle’s arms were wrapped around you in a much-needed embrace. For once, the loud boy was silent. His hand quietly patted your back, as you softly sobbed into your hands.

Eventually, he noticed Daegal pawing at his legs. Then he smiled and picked up the small white dog to bring her to your face. Giggles would quickly erupt when you felt her tiny pink tongue lick across your knuckles.

“I don’t know why I’m crying.” You pulled away slightly to grab a tissue from the coffee table and blew your nose. “I should be happy I won’t have to deal with all the crap I get at work after this month.”

Chenle’s lips parted as he gently put Daegal back on the floor. “It’s probably because you’ve been holding in all this stress from your stupid boss until now.”

You laughed again, impressed by your boyfriend. He knew you better than yourself.

“You’re only eighteen, (Y/n)-ah.” He cupped your cheek again to wipe away any leftover tears. “You’re not Wonder Woman or Captain Marvel. You don’t have to carry all this weight on your shoulders.”

You shook your head in slight denial. “Everything has been too much lately. But I seriously thought I could hold it in a little longer.”

“You shouldn’t have to. Your boss is an idiot for losing such a strong and brilliant employee.” Chenle spoke as if he was stating the obvious. “Now you can find a place that knows and appreciates your value.”

You soaked in your boyfriend’s words, ultimately knowing he was right. No matter how much you hated yourself, you had to admit that these past months have contributed to your declining mental health.

“Thank you…for saying that and being by my side,” You sniffed a few minutes later. “What would I do without you?”

A snarky comment was on the tip of Chenle’s tongue. But he held back, knowing that’s not what you needed right now. He stared intensely into your eyes for a moment before placing a kiss on your forehead. Shortly after, he’d move down to your lips. You felt his warm lips brush against yours in light, heart-fluttering pecks. Until the sixth one, where he properly connected your lips into one long and slow kiss.

These intimate moments with Chenle were rare. But when you did share them, you felt closer to the singer than you were before. The two of you were able to communicate in a way that was almost telepathy. Chenle had become an expert in reading the emotions you weren’t even aware of. Perhaps, this was one of the reasons you and him were so compatible.

The rest of the evening turned into an unofficial binge-watching k-dramas date. That was how you two woke up the next morning being in the comfort of each other’s arms.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶

#nct dream #nct dream imagines #zhong chenle #chenle imagines #chenle scenarios #chenle x reader #nct dream fic #dreamies #nct dream angst #nct dream fluff #nct dream scenarios #nctzen #nct zhong chenle #czennie

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my-castles-crumbling · 1 month

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My opinion of you? Hmmmm. Well honestly, my opinion of you… really fucking good.

I dunno how comfortable you are with compliments so i’m putting a little warning here; compliments incoming :)

Firstly, you are an awesome writer. Like genuinely. Plus it’s so impressive that you write/post those microfics everyday, it’s serious (sirius haha) dedication, and most ppl wouldn’t have it in them to keep a routine like that.

Two, you have legit saved people. People here felt safe enough to ask you for help, and from all i’ve seen, you’re damn good at giving advice.

Plus I saw that one anon you answered where you told the person not to admit they cheated if it’d get them in more trouble than they deserve, and I salut you for that. (I remember you also told them that cheating is wrong and mostly don’t do it- don’t worry I got the right message).

Anyway, my point is, there aren’t many places people feel safe enough to talk about their problems or insecurities or even dangers. Especially on the internet. So you’ve made a really good community here. You should be proud.

But we’re doing full honesty right? So honestly, I think that it seems like sometimes you don’t have enough faith in yourself.

I mean your fics are amazing, but also, they’re fucking free and a gift to the fandom. So you shouldn’t feel the need to meet anyone’s demands or be good enough for anyone but yourself.

And here, you have helped so many people, I understand insecurity is a part of living, but maybe you don’t get how helpful your blog is. Whenever I come on here, you’ve posted a microfic or made a marauders joke or truly helped someone (with annoyingly good advice btw, i’m an adult and yet NO WHERE NEAR as mature, so good on u), and it’s soothing. You’re soothing.

Give yourself credit, is what i’m saying.

You’re allowed to feel proud that you help people, proud that people love your writing, and ignore anyone who’s an asshole cause they’re dumb anyway.

And don’t forget that you don’t owe anyone anything. You don’t owe anyone a fic, or a tumblr post or an anon answer or even (within reason) kindness. You’re being generous with your time and your kindness by helping people. And while obviously that’s a good thing, you shouldn’t feel pressured to do so.

Wait let me rephrase that- anyone who pressures you to do so is a bad person and should be strongly ignored.

You don’t have to apologise for not wanting to post or be on social media. And anyone who cares should value that you’re taking time for yourself.

Plus, and sorry if it’s weird to bring up your like, real life, but I think you’re probably a really great teacher. I didn’t have many people who believed in me growing up and you seem like someone who believes in people. And that’s what matters most.

(Plus all teachers are criminally underpaid so like- good for you sticking with a half shitty job- though then again all jobs are half shitty)

Also, and in this day and age this is a truly high compliment, you don’t seem like you’ve ever sent hate.

You just have that vibe. You know… nice :)

So yes, that is my opinion of you.

Also, random question, how much gory stuff in films can you take? Usually i’m pretty alright, but I watched a pretty gross film earlier and it reminded I can’t watch everything gory.

So yeah… that’s all ❤️

Hi, um...I am SO sorry, my my allergies are terrible and I seem to be sweating from my eyes....nothing to see here...😭😭😭😭

Thank you. Genuinely. I have honestly been struggling a fair amount lately, so notes like this make a much bigger difference than you would think <3

As far as films, I'm alright with gore. I actually LOVE horror films, but I prefer psychological horror and horror based on East Asian legends.

Thank you again <3 <3 <3

#ask #asks #ask cas

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pumpkzsafeplace · 4 months

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I have a complicated question - I’m in my early 20s and I have some childhood trauma ranging from age 2 1/2 to age 6 and many times after that throughout my childhood/teens. I’ve been thinking about agere stuff and if it’d help even just to enjoy toys/etc from my childhood that I feel like I “lost” or didn’t get to experience. Like I don’t think I have a childhood memory where I wasn’t scared/traumatized in some way, even the ones before trauma are of me being scared or upset. I love soft things and I love the idea of having a daddy but I kind of like daddy stuff in an adult way too … I like the sfw and nsfw side but I’m particular about the nsfw and keep it entirely private. Idk what to do … I don’t want to interact with people I shouldn’t and hurt or upset them somehow. Again everything I enjoy in public is sfw and I do genuinely love the sfw side of things (the innocence and safety of it feels so nice.) idk it just seems like a lot of blogs are either fully sfw and don’t want anybody with any nsfw interest interacting or are nsfw and very very very intense (and far more than I can handle tbh). What do I do?

- hihi cucpake'! <3 (tw)

sorry for the delayed response sweetpea i was taking a little break <3

this is a very good question baby bee!!

i get questions like this a lot due to the sfw nature of my channel, so i'd like to speak about it from my personal experience.

personally i think anybody can do agere. agere is so healing to that inner child, and can help wonders with confidence and finding out who somebody truely is. it's such an innocent and beautiful feeling.

trauma is a complicated thing that can manifest itself differently to different people. is my blog a complete sfw blog for agere? yes. do i judge or value those who use nsfw k*** ways to deal with trauma? of course not.

but do i think the two can interact as freely and openly as people hope? no, not without proper consent.

and here's my reasoning why.

blogs are safe spaces, you use them for expression, to express your likes and dislikes- almost like you've own personal safety bubble. then you begin to attract people with similiar intrests to you, forming your own private little audience.

take my blog for example, 9/10 you'll find littles on my blog because it's for a little audience. i follow, i comment, i like little related things (or cottage and cute witch things), so when i load up my page, tumblr shows me recommendations based off my interactions & the people who follow me.

now take a nsfw k*** blog. now the person running the blog maybe be an age regressor, but the audience they've gathered posting other content will be there for that nsfw content. now if they follow a completely sfw agere (without consent) and start interacting, they've now invited (without knowing) their audience to also see this page.

& now that safe bubble that little has created for regression has been popped because they're recieving likes and comments & sometimes even messages with blogs that potray things that can be triggering or sometimes scarring in that headspace- which is not fair on them.

now there are blogs out their who are okay with nsfw interaction, they're a little hard to find but there are some out there if that's more your style! <3

but for safety of you regressing too- i would suggest making a little side blog to explore and get comfortable with. you can like, share and comment till your hearts content then (as long as you respect boundaries).

then you can have both & also have a little private safe space that's just for you to enjoy or even to find a potential caregiver? <3.

i hoped this helped! & thank you so much for addressing such a difficult topic, i hope this has helped shed some light <3

-ˏˋ 🍓 ˎˊ˗

#sfw age regression #sfw agere #sfw little community #agere blog #agere community #safe agere #sfw little blog #age regression #agere little #sfw little post #age regression blog #age regressor #age re blog #sfw little one #sfw little stuff #sfw littlespace #sfw blog #agere #sfw interaction only

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bogkeep · 2 years

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The Independent Online Artist & The Engagement

may i speak plainly for a moment? nobody owes you the Engagement, and staking all of your value and success as an artist/creator on it is a recipe for misery. eggs in baskets and all that. as a Creator myself, i hope you believe me when i say that i absolutely understand the importance of getting feedback and encouragement for your work. i know what it's like to have no audience. i know how gutting it is to feel like you're chucking paintings into a void. i know the difference a supportive community makes. obviously i cannot speak for every Creator, i can only speak for myself and my own experiences, and to be entirely fair - making art is not my main income, even if i've worked on quite a few commissions over the years. people engaging with my art has been a wonderful well of inspiration AND helpful for me getting some extra cash. we post our work online for a reason! i 100% believe in the power of letting people know you love their stuff. there's many ways to do that: you can leave comments and messages; you can reblog, retweet, and share with your friends; you can like and kudos; you can commission them; you can support them monetarily through patreon/ko-fi/bandcamp and suchlike; you can buy their merchandise; you can spread the word of their work; even create fanwork. i'm certain there are many more ways to support creators you love than just this, too! there's a whole wide world beyond just Likes and Reblogs, and different people show support in different ways. now speaking as a Creator Appreciator, i once again hope you believe me when i say this - i truly love artists and creators. when i was working, a huge chunk of my paycheck would go to commissions, indie artist merchandise, and my patreon bill. i follow a lot of artists and webcomic creators on here and on twitter, and i share their work frequently (for those who don't know, i have a reblog sideblog). i think i can safely say i'm singlehandedly responsible for getting multiple of my followers into certain webcomics by sheer power of fanart and enthusiasm. i LOVE artists. i WANT to support creators of the things i love. i LIKE sharing the small indie projects i'm into. it is something i prioritize in my life because i find fullfilment in it - it is not a moral high ground. i'm only one person, though. throwing 1 (one) dollar monthly at an artist i like through way of patreon is a very achievable course of action. the problem is:

i like a lot of artists. it's not possible for me to give the same amount of support to every single one, all the time. i just do not have the time, energy, money, or the attention for it. i don't think anyone expects me to, it would be completely unreasonable! especially because - i'm not alone. i'm not the only Creator Appreciator out here! i am not personally responsible to keep every Creator afloat with my own two hands! HOWEVER, it's not reasonable to expect everyone to do what i do, either. as i've said, it's something i prioritize and put a lot of effort into. i know a lot of people put just as much effort, or more! there's people with more time and money than me out there! but i can and want to do it, and not everyone can or wants to do All This. nor should they have to! they're not responsible for keeping creators alive, either. it's not a job. enjoying things shouldn't be a chore. a webcomic creator i used to follow had to shelve the comic they were working on because it wasn't getting enough engagement, and working on it was unsustainable. a heartbreaking decision on the creator's part, for sure, and also very understandable. making webcomics is hard work, and if you're only one person you have to cover a lot of bases and do the work of multiple people, all the while your creation is free to read and enjoy. i've seen a lot of webcomics put to rest over the years for all kinds of reasons and i understand why! the creator of this comic was fairly pragmatic about it, saying That's Just How The Numbers Are, Nothing To Do About That - and at the same time being very frustrated about it. again, very understandable! the creator has every right to be frustrated about the situation. it sucks big time. i did have to unfollow them, though. it was frustrating for me, one of their patreon supporters, to constantly read threads about how lurking kills webcomics or how everyone MUST show their support to creators. it kinda sucked to have all that ire that i know wasn't directed at me all over my feed. it kinda sucked to feel like i wasn't doing enough somehow, even though their twitter followers are statistically more likely to actually be their supporters. or maybe it was directed at me, after all, for not commenting directly on their comic? was it directed at me for not supporting a higher patreon tier? was it directed at me for not telling my friends all about this comic? was it directed at me, because while i did support this comic on patreon, there were fifteen others i didn't? i'm sure the creator was just working through the awful experience of having to make this decision. still hurt, though. not getting enough support for your work is absolutely a pain point. but people demanding my support is a pain point for me, in turn. i mean, fuck, what a mess all of this is, though! being a creator is hard, being an independent creator is even harder, social media is an fickle mistress and we need to make a living!! besides, not every online creator has the same goal, either! you've got artists encompassing the whole spectrum of "Art Is My Livelihood And I Need The Visibility" to "im drawing for Fun and Relaxation :)" on the same websites, meaning that for some people these social media sites are inextricably linked to Work, and the same social media sites are places other people go to escape work? ARE YOU UNDERSTANDING THE ISSUE HERE i think both creators and fans can be quite entitled at times. we're all mere humans swirling around in the internet soup, and we want the Contents and we want the Validation. these are fine things to want, and i do think creators should let people know what the best ways to support them are! but also - do consider how you're cultivating your audience. people are, in general, not out to hurt you or slight you personally. demanding a certain type of engagement is more likely to get you less engagement overall, because people will feel less comfortable engaging on their own terms. lurkers are gonna lurk and prodding them with a broom is more likely to make them scamper away then unlurk. only ever wanting more reblogs will just leave you starving for more reblogs. yes, you can feel hurt by the lack of attention you’re given... but i also think there’s lots of love hiding in the brush. shy love, tired love, silent love, gentle love, waiting-to-pounce-when-it’s-ready love. if you create a welcoming space for it, it may come forth. who’s to say.

#too long for twitter #stop me if you've heard this one before [continues talking anyway]#yes yes obligatory disclaimer that i absolutely think people should support creators if they can but like #gestures #people have their reasons for doing what they do and you can't control them

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cloudmancy · 11 months

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I’ve honestly been thinking about how to reconcile actually seeing problems with CR content policy and all that stuff with those people being close friends and collaborators with people from D20.

( Especially that I do consider myself the CR fan, I like watch the streams which feels a bit hypocrytical but I giess I could have worse hyperfixations lol; to clarify I am also a D20 fan and been before even I have started watching CR)

Obviously I am of the opinion that glamourizing and putting creators and artists of any content we like is dangerous (and seeing them as our allies or friends in some capacity) - and we as fans don’t really know those people and shouldn’t base our moral judgement as ours.

But like I still wonder, how do people like Brennan think of CR and their policy, especially considering Brennan frequently praised Matt not just as a creator but as a person

I am curious on your thoughts, not trying to start any discourse here, just thinking

great questions! I want to start off by saying that I really don't care to speculate what brennan's opinion on the policies are: firstly because I don't parasocialize people like that, and secondly because he would not be in charge of any content policies for dimension 20 even if he felt some sort of way about it. I think if you want to reconcile liking CR while having issues its content policy, we need to look at what the issues are first.

as much as I've dunked on CR's content policy, it is nothing unusual for shows to want to protect their own IP. the terms of copyright in there are pretty standard for any form of media (even if I think it's pretty ironic that critical role is itself derivative of another franchise). the only reason dimension 20 doesn't have anything similar is because they're not at the point where it's profitable for people to sell knockoff merch or make knockoff mobile games using their characters yet. I think you need to prepare yourself for dimension 20 eventually reaching that level of success too.

dimension 20 from the start has and always WILL market itself much more as a product than critical role. it explicitly is one of the few things that kept dropout going through the bankruptcy of collegehumor as a parent company, it treats its audience like paying customers and respects audience feedback accordingly, and that's fine! I like that about it! it means that we get sensitivity consultants and production value, because we are customers paying for a product and there are now standards on how that product is delivered.

so yes, I do think dimension 20 will, at some point, implement their own content policy. they already have copyright over their works and properties, even if it's not stated anywhere on site. I have asked about the validity of fanworks before, and gotten this as a response:

For copyright protection reasons we are obligated to protect our IP in instances where we see it being monetized / exploited (the legal meaning) by non-official sources, and sanctioning monetized fanworks in an official sense could create a situation where our copyright becomes compromised on a legal level (without that sanctioning being a long legalese-ful document filled with caveats).

so we're at the same place that critical role fans were five years ago - it's not technically sanctioned, but dimension 20 has been turning a blind eye and even supporting some of the charity endeavours that involve the use of their IP. what remains to be seen is what happens when D20 eventually does put a content policy of their own in place, and which types of fan content will be restricted.

my issue with critical role's content policy is and always will be how they choose to reinforce it, and the way CR itself still markets itself as a small game between friends and refuses to acknowledge how corporate it has become. they may not be explicitly allowed in their policy, but imo they should only come into play when there's actual scammers using copyrighted logos or copyrighted images to sell products.

a content policy for CR was inevitable. there will be one in the future for dimension 20 too. but there is no reason that CR should have been striking down charity projects and fanzine productions, from members of their own community and official artists no less. I can only hope dimension 20 will not go down the same route in the future.

#asks #anon #long post #hope this helps! I tried to give as thorough of a response irt how I actually feel about cr and d20 as possible #dimension 20 #and also do not ever treat any of the people in ttrpg spheres as “good guys” or “bad guys”... they are honestly all just people #and will disappoint you if you start ascribing moral values to their actions because they are people. working in an industry

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walker-extended-universe · 7 months

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(Don't) Jump

Relationship(s): Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester & Cordell Walker, Cordell Walker & Sam Winchester, Adam Milligan & Cordell Walker, Lucifer & Michael

Tags/Warnings: Episode: S05E22 Swan Song, Stopping the Apocalypse, Self-Sacrifice, Desperation, Grief/Mourning, Angst, Hurt No Comfort

Summary: Gabriel senses the oncoming apocalypse and decides to quit being a coward. He brings Cordell along with him.

Part 5 of Henry Winchester 'Verse

Written for @angstober Day 21- Can't Save Everyone

Taglist: @theladywyn, @ihavepointysticks, @klaatu51, @itsjessiegirl1, @neptunium134

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It’s happening.

Cordell’s hands paused over the keyboard of his laptop. “What’s happening?”

The prizefight. Our brothers fighting over the planet, over paradise. It’s coming soon. I can feel it.

Cordell sighed. He’d known this day would come, but he’d foolishly hoped Sam and Dean would do something about it before it became a problem. “What do we do? Start prepping for the end?”

I can’t believe I’m suggesting this but… There might be another way.

“What? Like we go there and try to talk them out of it?”

It’s worth a try. Maybe it’s time we quit running from all this family stuff.

Cordell shook his head. “Do you really think that will work? That we can just stop the apocalypse if we ask nicely? I thought everyone up in Heaven and down in Hell wanted this….” He wasn’t sure what was left of their brotherly bonds would be enough to stop the will of cosmic forces.

We have to try, don’t we?

He wasn’t wrong about that. “Okay. Just- Let me tell Emily first. Just in case.” Just in case they didn’t come back. Just in case something went wrong. Just in case Gabriel was wrong about everything. They needed to be ready.

—-------

Lucifer and Michael stood in Stull Cemetery, ready for the final showdown. Neither of them truly wanted to do this- they were brothers, after all- but they had no choice. It was the way the story was written. It was fate, plain and simple.

Fate did not involve Dean Winchester rolling up to the site of the battle blasting his rock and roll. Nor did it involve their wayward brother Gabriel appearing in the nick of time.

“It’s been some time, little brother,” Michael greeted.

“I thought I killed you,” said Lucifer.

“Gabriel?! Why the fuck are you wearing my brother?!” demanded Dean.

Gabriel sighed. “Okay, in order. One, I’ve been a lot of places, Michael. Made lots of interesting friends too. Two, Lucifer, you are not the only person who’s taught me tricks. I’ve evolved since you left. And three, I’m wearing him because I needed a place to hide and he consented to it. Now, let’s talk Apocalypse. Or, rather, why we shouldn’t be doing this whole mess.”

Michael scoffed. “Gabriel, with all due respect, you abandoned Heaven eons ago. You don’t have a right to try interfering now. You lost that ability when you ran away.”

“And if you try to argue that you’re doing this to save human lives, let me remind you that you tried to kill me not too long ago,” Lucifer hissed. “How could you value these disgusting creatures over your own brother?”

“See, this is why I left Heaven; you asshats never let me talk,” Gabriel grumbled. “Alright, I admit I haven’t exactly been the most responsible archangel. I’ll own that. I’m an asshole. I’m lazy. I’m a coward. I run away from my problems and get my kick out of punishing people that I think deserve it based on my own metrics.”

“At least he admits it,” Dean muttered.

“Shut it, Winchester, adults are talking. Now, where was I? Oh, right. Now, I know I’m not the most responsible being in the universe but you know who’s even worse about that? God. He’s the one that fucked off ages ago and left you to run Heaven on your own. And you still want to play along with his little story when He’s not even around to watch it go down? Come on, Lucy, you’ve gotta hate that plan more than I do.”

“He will come back when we bring Paradise,” Michael said, ever the practical one.

“You say that like I’d let you win,” Lucifer snarked. “And who’s to say He would? Father stopped caring about us as soon as He made the humans. And I’m not doing this to play into His plan; I just want the earth restored to what it was before these monkeys wrecked it.”

“Again with this sympathy for the Devil crap,” Dean muttered.

“Shut up!” all three archangels commanded.

“The point remains, Gabriel,” Michael continued, “You really have no room to speak on this. All the pieces were put in motion eons ago. This is just the way it has to happen. No one can do anything to change that.”

“That doesn’t really line up with the whole ‘free will’ thing, now does it?” Dean snarked.

“That’s enough out of you!” Lucifer rounded on Dean.

It was easy to forget how strong Lucifer was. It had been so long since any other angel had seen him at his full strength, even his closest brothers had forgotten. Even now that he’d been out of the Cage and found his true vessel, he wasn’t all that intimidating to the ones who knew him best.

How easy it was to forget how brightly his grace shone when he was full of righteous anger. Even Gabriel had to shield his eyes. Even Michael had to step back. He truly was the Morningstar.

Cordell screamed at Gabriel to do something, anything to protect his brother. But, despite his insistence on coming here, Gabriel couldn’t. He couldn’t move against Lucifer. Never could.

He was, in the end, still a coward. Always would be when it came to his brothers. Some things never changed.

So Lucifer beat Dean near to a pulp. Gabriel did nothing to stop him. Michael did nothing to stop him.

Then, to everyone’s surprise, Sam did something to stop him.

Gabriel noticed Lucifer’s grace dimming first as Sam fought his way to the surface. Sam stopped the beating and reached into his pocket for the key. The key to the Cage.

“Don’t worry, Dean. I’ve got him.”

The Cage opened with a roar and the wind picked up as it tried to suck Lucifer back in. Just as Sam was ready to fall in, Michael ran forward to stop him. If Gabriel didn’t know any better, he might say Michael was worried for Lucifer.

Cordell reached for his brothers; Adam was the only one he could grab. Gabriel watched in horror as both his brothers fell into the pit and Cordell cried out for Sam.

Then, just like that, the door to the Cage closed and the ground sealed up as if nothing was ever there.

Cordell stood, staring at the spot where his brother once stood. Sam- his brother, his twin, his other half- was gone. In Hell. He felt frozen in his grief, barely even registering Gabriel’s voice in his head.

He knew he had to talk to Dean. He knew he needed to figure out what to do about Adam. He knew he needed to call his family. But he also needed to grieve.

“Sam,” he whispered, tears silently falling down his face.

He felt a presence next to him; he didn’t even need to look to know his older brother was there, staring at the ground and thinking the same things he was. He wanted to reach out, comfort Dean. But he didn’t know how. Even if there wasn’t this gap between them, sowed by anger and abandonment, what does one even say in this situation.

Eventually, the silence got to be too much to bear. “Dean-”

“I’m fine,” his brother said robotically. “Why don’t you just go? Go home to your wife and that apple pie life of yours? You don’t need to be here.”

The words cut him deeper than any knife could hope to. But Cordell couldn’t argue. “I’m sorry,” was all he could say before walking away.

A small distance away, he saw his half-brother, no longer commandeered by Michael, speaking to a dark-haired figure (An angel, Castiel, Gabriel supplied) before the other disappeared in a flash. Adam looked at the ground, dejected. Alone.

Cordell sighed and made his way over. “Do you have anywhere to go? I can give you a lift.”

Adam shook his head. “I used to. But then I died.” He laughed bitterly. “I shouldn’t even be here. I only agreed to this crap because the angels promised they’d bring my mom back. But…” He threw his hands up. “Guess that’s not happening.”

Cordell nodded. “Why don’t you come home with me for now? We’ve got a spare bed for you until you figure out what you want to do. If that’s okay with you.”

“I guess I don’t have that many other options, do I?” Adam scoffed. “Where’s home anyway?”

“Austin, Texas.” Cordell clapped him on the shoulder. “Come on. We’ll grab some burgers on the way.”

“Yes, please. I’m fucking starving.”

Cordell chuckled and led him away. Then, he remembered Gabriel had flown them there. “Gabe-”

Relax, Cowboy. I’m on it.

#angstober 2023 #day 21 #can't save everyone #walkernatural #henry winchester verse #my writing #my fic

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aetherith · 1 year

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Dear The Owl House Fandom

I feel like this is an issue present in many of the more popular fandoms, but as most of the fandoms I’m involved in were more mature or less popular than the TOH fandom, it’s the place I’ve seen this issue the most. That issue being a lack of awareness about media analysis. Look, I’m not trying to say that the historically white methods of looking at stories are the only way of looking at a piece of media. I’m not saying that neurotypical concepts on how to find the underlying themes in a book are the only way to discover those themes. What I’m arguing against is people not using their brains at all and jumping to conclusions/theories on what will happen in the next episode based on what feels logical. I’ve encountered my fair share of people on YouTube comment sections freaking out because TOH feels like a show where they would kill off a character. It feels like Hunter or Luz would die. What these kinds of speculations fail to do is to look at the underlying themes of The Owl House and the values of the people making it (one of those values being representation). When you take the time to look at these themes, what you feel like will happen might change.

The thing is, in my opinion, the complete reverse is even more harmful. While places like Tumblr and Instagram have a lot less individuals who don’t include media analysis in their theories for the future, the reverse is true to the point of toxicity. There are several people I’ve seen who seem to think that because they’ve factored media analysis and representation into their theories/conclusions that those theories are automatically true. Sometimes I even see people shaming others for having opinions that contradict their own logic based theories and downplaying their arguments. What this fails to recognize is one of the most important aspects of media analysis: that not only can multiple interpretations of something be true, they are actually encouraged. When your ideas are downplayed and the other side is locked in on their own ideologies, it becomes difficult to have any sort of conversation. New takes should be encouraged in a fandom, and not rejected (as long as they aren’t problematic). Trust me, I’ve had my views shamed and downplayed before and it’s really uncomfortable, especially when you do have reasons for your perspectives.

I think this a problem present in a lot of internet culture. You would think that exposure to different perspectives would make you more open minded, but people tend to close themselves in on their own perspectives instead. This makes it very hard to talk to different people and consider their perspectives, because those perspectives are immediately rejected and the person shunned. Now, this mostly doesn’t apply to genuinely problematic stuff, but at the same time there shouldn’t be this expectation that people will immediately just ‘know’ what’s right or wrong without being able to talk and question it.

I’m not saying this to call anyone out or shame anyone, but all of this really needs to change. I know it won’t, but hopefully when the show ends the fandom will quiet down and some of this stuff will be over.

Thank you for letting me get this off my chest. Please be nicer people to each other and encourage respectful and friendly discussion. I know that’s an impossible ask in this community on the internet right now but I might as well get it out there anyway.

#the owl house #the owl house luz #king the owl house #the owl house belos #the owl house hunter #toh luz #toh darius #toh #toh discussion #toh fandom #toh criticism #toh critical #for the future #fandom #fandom toxicity

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nextinline-if · 2 years

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Yeah I'll admit that as a polyamorous person irl I always feel really uncomfortable when people say polyamory upsets them in games and stuff. Like I totally get having jealous feelings and stuff (I feel them too sometimes), but I've been fired from jobs for talking about my relationships openly, I can never marry my partners, I can't visit them if they get sick because of hospital rules around legal spouses, I have no legal protections for me and my relationships whatsoever, etc, so it feels bad when people rate jealousy over fictional characters over all of that kind of very real stuff. I kind of place it in the same category as "It's okay to never want to be in a mlm or wlw relationship and to not experience that sort of attraction, but if you express disgust and discomfort at other people being mlm or wlw then you're going to be hurting people who are already vulnerable in the process." I don't want to tell you what to do and I honestly already feel super uncomfortable sending this ask, especially because you seem like a super sweet caring person, but I just wanted to talk a little bit about my own experiences and hope that that maybe sheds some light on the situation!!

BTW I'm a gay man, so comparing poly relationships to mlm and wlw relationships wasn't an idle decision!!

You’re feelings are completely valid and I don’t have anything of value to add being that I am not polyamorous. I do appreciate hearing from other people’s experiences. It’s important to hear other voices so you can learn and grow in a positive way. All I will say is (and I get that this doesn’t help anything or anyone), is that my personal belief is that everyone deserves a life that provides them with happiness. People shouldn’t have less rights because someone else doesn’t agree with something or because it makes them uncomfortable. Again, I know me sharing my opinion doesn’t do shit but did just want to add that I believe that in case anyone thought I have a problem with polyamorous or thought I am okay with encouraging hate. I’m sorry if any of my actions or words seem like I am aligned with either of those.

I do also want to add one thing related to my decision just because I realize I probably wasn’t clear enough: the reason I am not including polyamorous relationships in this game is NOT because someone said they are uncomfortable with the idea. I would never go against adding representation because someone isn’t a fan. That’s not fair to those who are missing out on representation. I always strive to give the player as many options as possible to play how they want with regards to relationships.

I’m not in a good place mentally and while everyone has the absolute right to share their thoughts (and should!) the idea of adding the routes is causing me too much stress right now and it’s making me want to stop making the game. Therefore, if I were to try to move forward with adding the poly routes, I think it would be a bad idea.

So, just to summarize, I’m not adding the routes because I don’t feel confident in my ability to do so based on my current circumstances.

#poly???#anon reply #anon thoughts

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wosobronze · 9 months

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I’m sorry but in your post you said we shouldn’t talk about Keira anymore because you’re not really interested in her now that she’s dating Laura. That’s such a slap in the face. Like her only value was the fact that she was Lucy’s girlfriend and without Lucy she has no value. I found that so offensive. I know you’re a nice person but it was actually even a misogynist thing to say. People’s values shouldn’t be based on who they are dating.

i’m honestly so sorry if i made it sound like that i didn’t mean for it to come out like that at all! i tried to put across how much i like K i really did but if it didn’t come across like that then i really am sorry.

all i was trying to do was stick up for the LF & K relationship and try to explain why they’re not as spoken about. i think they’re really sweet and i really really love K i was just trying to put out there that obviously this is an L blog (so more L stuff is spoken about) and there’s ofc so many K blogs out there (who speak much more about K) that was all i meant by what i said.

i would never think K wasn’t worth talking about without L that’s absolutely not the case and i hate that it came across that way :(

i have deleted the posts now tho just so nothing seems as if i was spreading any hate as that was not my intention at all😞

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inkofamethyst · 1 year

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May 8, 2023

LAST WEEK. ONE FINAL WEEK OF UNDERGRAD.

Heh so remember the way I was supposed to do nothing this summer? Well, that lasted absolutely no time at all because I’ve accepted a TA gig for a few weeks out of the summer. Now, look, I’ve TA’d for this class twice before at this point, so it shouldn’t take up too much mental space. The gig is short enough that commuting and paying at the meter is less than half the price of a parking pass. Plus, my lease doesn’t end until the last day of the gig, should I need to use my apartment. And, most importantly, teaching has been fun for me! Getting more experience with it will be thoroughly welcomed! Besides, I’d’ve grown terribly bored doing nothing this summer anyway.

I have a lot of.. stuff to go through before moving. I need to figure out exactly what I want to bring with me to a place where I could be living for six or seven years. Beyond clothes and cookware, there’s books and my sewing stuff and honestly just figuring out what I should throw away from the past several years of living in or close to my home. And now that I don’t need to save notes from high school for my sibling (she never found them particularly useful anyway), I suppose those should go. Just... a lot of things I’ve been needlessly holding on to.

Preliminary summer goals: healthy haircare, sewing like a maniac, selling and donating and trashing things I don’t need anymore, packing, identifying strategies and systems for grad school success, binging a ton of shows, reading a ton of books. And resting. I thought I was maybe going to try to learn bass guitar this summer, but I think the transition to grad school is going to take up enough active brainpower that I might save that musical exploration for some other time. Maybe the summer after I finish classes/comps. When I shift into full-time research, I’m going to need to delineate work and home pretty clearly to manage my mental health, I’d imagine.

I’ve been thinking about high school a little bit recently, and I randomly remembered this one girl who auditioned for every musical and every play every single year and didn’t make the cut until her final year. I, honestly, want to be a lot more like her. That’s resilience. That’s knowing what you want. That’s weathering shame and disappointment repeatedly and not letting it affect you personally. That’s not basing your self-worth on someone else’s opinion.

Part of the reason I decided not to pursue theatre (I considered it with intermediate interest) was because I didn’t think it would be beneficial to my mental state to exist in an industry where my ability was constantly judged and compared (yes yes yes I know I know academia is quite similar in that regard, but my ~intelligence~ is separate from my “creative ability” in my mind, and while I value them both, I am more insecure in my identity as a creative). I knew myself quite well, and I don’t think I had(/have) what it took to survive (maybe one day). But knowing who you are and valuing yourself independent of what others have to say? I’m workin on it.

Granted. There is merit to knowing when an opportunity is simply not for you. The limit of unsuccessful attempts is different for everyone, but if the attempts aren’t harmful to your life in any way, I don’t see a reason why that limit cannot be extraordinarily large.

Also, the group project went well in stats. We got above the minimum grade I needed, so that’s one more A on the resume :) now I just need to worry about cell bio’s group project :/ (I’ve done my part, just waiting on others at this point [edit, a few days later: we submitted but it’s honestly not up to the standard I was hoping for and pushing for. literally if we’d met online for fifteen minutes synchronously I think we could’ve elevated the project significantly, but whatever, guess I’ve gotta wait and see])

Today I’m thankful for the pink lemonade I had today from the engineering building :) I don’t ever go in the engineering building (it’s nice up in there tho), but my photo-friend was right about this. It’s insanely sweet and I’m now suffering from a sugar-induced headache but they put their whole foot in that lemonade so I can’t be too mad.

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